生活大爆炸 第三季 06

S06E02And the next wedding gift is... a gravy boat. Ooh, one gravy boat. That's from Sheldon. He told me he had it engraved. "In the event of a divorce, please return to Sheldon Cooper." One "inappropriate, yet I wish I thought of that" gravy boat. When I get married I'm going to register at the UCLA Cadaver Lab. Ew, why? 'Cause I've always wanted a whole human skeleton and they are really spendy. So, you actually see you and Sheldon getting married someday? Not just someday. In exactly four years. But don't tell Sheldon. He's still a flight risk. What about you, Penny? What about me what? you think you and Leonard might ever get married? Oh, well, you know, Leonard is great. But do you think you'll ever get married? He's a sweetie. You're not answering the question. Do you love him? Yeah, sure, of course I love him. It doesn't sound like it. Well, I do. Do you tell him that? No, he'd just take it the wrong way. What does that mean? It means he is special and smart and nice and... Are you gonna break up with him? No! Maybe. I don't know. I had no idea you were unhappy. That's the thing: I'm not. I'm not unhappy at all. It's just... I don't know... I-I've been in love before, but it felt different. But maybe this is a new, better, boring kind of Do you ever feel that way about Howard? Oh, that's not really a fair comparison. I'm basically married to a sexy Buzz Lightyear. Amy, you? Can't help ya, kid. Whenever I'm around Sheldon, I feel like my loins In the good way. Not the urinary tract infection way. KOOTHRAPPALI: <i Hey, buddy, how's</i You don't have to shout, Raj. It's not like I'm an astronaut floating around in Oh, wait, I am. So, is it everything you hoped it would be? WOLOWITZ: It's better. I wake up every morning and I just can't believe I'm on this incredible adventure. DIMITRI: Hey, Froot Loops, did you clean the space toilet? Excuse me. I'm talking to my friends. You know the rules: new guy scrubs the toilet. If you do good job, next time we give you brush. (mock laughing) Funny. We're always giving each other a hard time up here. It's kind of like being in a frat. You know, joking, kidding around, hurting Okay, my turn. Let me talk to him. Go ahead. 2311 North Los Robles Avenue, 5 Pasadena, California to International Space Can you read me? Over. (imitates walkie-talkie Yes, I read you, Sheldon. Copy that. Over. (imitates walkie-talkie static) What are you doing? I am talking to a man in space. If you don't have the (walkie-talkie static) then he might as well be at the Coffee Bean over You're out of your mind, Sheldon. That's a negative. My mother had me tested. Over. (imitates walkie-talkie static) Come on, scrub it up, Loops. All right, all right. I gotta go. There's a meteor shower. You want to see a meteor shower? Take a look at what Dimitri just left you in the 0 Bye. Over and out. (imitates walkie-talkie static) Bye, buddy! (knocking) Hello. Hey, Stuart, come on in. What are you doing here? Um, Raj invited me to go to the movies with you Excuse me. I didn't authorize this. Sheldon, you are not in charge. That's mighty sassy for a man with a roommate performance review around the What's the big deal? You guys are bringing your girlfriends. I didn't want to sit by myself. The big deal is I was expecting us to be an intimate group of five. Now, we're going to be a... faceless mass of six. It'll be fine. Just, uh, pretend he's Wolowitz. Hmm. Do you like Raisinets? I can take them or leave them. At the movies, Wolowitz always eats Raisinets. Would you feel more comfortable if I ate Well, it's hardly my business what you eat, as long as it doesn'tcrunch during the film and it's Raisinets. Okay. Should we go? Yeah, but, one more question. If you're going to replace Wolowitz, I need to know a little more about you. All right. Wolowitz went to MIT. What's your educational background? I went to art school. Equally ridiculous. Let's go. This insistence on hand-holding is preposterous. Well, I like it. Yeah, of course you do. You're a girl. You like all kinds of hippy-dippy things. Just watch the movie. It's not fair. Penny isn't making Leonard hold hands. There might be a reason for that. Sweaty? Unhygienic? Looks dumb? Take your pick. Penny said she's not sure she wants to be Leonard's girlfriend anymore. Wrong. She just took a sip from his Diet Dr. So? So, if she wants to end her pair-bond with Leonard, why on earth would she guzzle a witches' brew of his soda and spit? It's complicated. String theory is complicated. That's just yucky. Don't get any ideas. All right, for the sake of argument, let's say Why doesn't Penny just end the relationship? She's not sure how she feels. How can she not be sure how she feels? You know, when I have a feeling, I know it. Trains? Love them. Swordfish? I love them, too. They're fish with a sword for a nose. Regardless, don't say anything to Leonard. Now you're asking me to keep a secret from my best friend, colleague, and roommate? 7 Yes, please, Penny will kill me. (sighs) Fine. FYI: secret-keeping? Hate it. 4 Hand-holding? Not a fan. Hammerhead shark? I love that thing. Yeah, it's another fish with a tool on its head. Raisinet? Shh, we're trying to watch the movie. This is not working out with him. (slurping) (clicking tongue) What are you doing? I think I might have tartar buildup. My tongue won't go as far forward as it used to. Maybe your tongue is shrinking. Nope. Oh, you have no idea how annoying this is. I'm starting to get a sense of it. 9 Don't worry. I'll take you to the dentist Thank you. I appreciate that. You're good people, Leonard. There's something I need to tell you. Okay. I can't tell you. Why? I can't tell you why I can't tell you. So I guess there's two things I can't tell you. I wish there were more. Good night. (sighs) I'm sorry. This is really important. What is it? (sighs) I like The Transformers. Do you like The Transformers? Where exactly did your mother have you tested? Leonard, The Transformers teach us that things are not always what they appear to be. You know, like, uh, a semi truck might be an alien robot, or, uh, someone in a romantic relationship, uh, differently than they appear to. Or a conversation about The Transformers might actually be about someone in this room. I'm going to pause to let that sink in. Okay, I think I understand. You do? The guy who seems like an emotionless robot is but your relationship with Amy is causing you to into a red-blooded man with sexual desires. That is literally the stupidest thing I've ever (sighs) Leonard? Leonard. Leonard? LEONARD: What? Are you sleeping? I was. Now I'm having a nightmare. What do you want? Never mind. I still can't tell you. SHELDON (knocking): Penny? Mmm. Penny. Mm-hmm, mmm. Penny. (screams) (screams) Oh, my God. Sheldon? You frightened me. What are you doing in my bedroom? Yeah, well, I knocked on the front door, but you didn't hear it. How did you even get in, you weirdo? Yeah, really? I've seen strange men traipsing in and out of here but when I do it, it's weird? What do you want, Sheldon? Oh, I was having a little trouble sleeping and I just thought, uh, seeing as you're up, we could talk. Talk about what? Oh, I don't know. Uh, weather, uh, fish you could do carpentry with. Why Leonard is such an attractive and desirable boyfriend. Yeah, pick one-- your choice. Sheldon. Didyou know that Leonard has a perfect driving and enjoys the insurance discounts that go along with that? Hubba-hubba. Okay, go home, crazy man. Yeah. Did you know that while Leonard is not considered a tall fellow in in today's North Korea, he's downright average. Talk about a keeper. Okay, what did Amy tell you? Oh, very well.I can't keep up this clever charade any longer. She told me that you were thinking of ending it with Leonard. Okay, you listen to me. I think it's really sweet you're trying to protect but this is none of your business. Got it? Excuse me. This is not about protecting my friend. (sighs) I'm a big fan of homeostasis. Do you know what that is? Of course not. Yeah. Homeostasis refers to a system's ability to regulate its internal environment and maintain a constant condition of properties like temperature or pH. Worst bedtime story ever. My point is I don't like when things change. So, regardless of your feelings, I would like you to continue dating Leonard. And also, while we're on the subject, you recently changed I'm not comfortable with the new scent. Please stop this madness and go back to green Okay, honey, I have a lot to figure out, and until I do, you are not to say a word to Do you understand? I do. You clear on the shampoo issue? Get out. (sighs) Penny? What? Please don't hurt my friend. That is the last thing I want to do. Thank you. (sniffing) Coconut? What were you thinking? Are you a hula girl? Get out! (phone rings) Hello? What the hell is wrong with you? You told Sheldon? Do you know what a terrible position this puts me (call waiting beeps) Hang on, please. Hello? Yeah, just a heads-up: Penny knows that you blabbed about Leonard. She's pretty mad. I know. She's yelling at me right now. All right then, so we're all on the same page. Yeah. Hey, Bernie. There's my hubby. How's everything going up there? Oh, it's okay. Space is beautiful. Earth is beautiful. Same old, same old. What's wrong? Nothing. Everything's fine. Howard. The other astronauts are being mean to me. No, what are they doing? Well, like for instance, the other day when I was one of the guys went on a space walk and glued a big-eyed rubber alien mask to the outside of my When I woke up, I screamed for like nine minutes. Oh, Howie. You can see it if you want. It's on YouTube. Google "astronaut screams for nine minutes." Why don't you stand up to them? What am I supposed to say? I don't know. Say, "Being mean is lame. What's cool is being nice." Great, I'll do that when I want to be the first in space to get a wedgie. Do you want me to call somebody at NASA? No. My mom already tried that. It only made things worse. Gelatinous Sphere. Focused Locust. Temple of Yip. I'm sorry. Wolowitz would never play that card. All right, Lesser Demon Turtle. Fairy God Monster, I win. Your desperate need for friendship makes you weak. So, what are you guys doing later? Stuart and I were thinking of going out for a We're gonna try to meet some girls. 'Cause that's what we do. Watch out, ladies: a little coffee and cream coming your way. In case you didn't follow that, I'm the coffee. SHELDON: Leonard? Maybe you'd like to go with them to meet girls. Why would I be interested? I have Penny. Yeah, for now. But that woman has a death wish, Leonard. She talks to strangers; she pets unfamiliar dogs; and it is ridiculously easy to break into her apartment. If I were you, I'd get a back-up. You can't just replace someone you care about with some other random person. No, please don't ruin this for me. Do you remember how upset I was when they replaced Edward Norton as the Hulk? Yes, you walked around for a week saying, "Sheldon unhappy with casting choice." But, then Mark Ruffalo was the Hulk in<i The 9 and he was even better. What's your point? Call me a romantic. I like to think 1 that your Mark Ruffalo is still out there This is ridiculous. Are we gonna play cards or not? I like Mark Ruffalo, too. Yeah, settle down there, Fake Wolowitz. No one likes a kiss-up. So, I had to take Sheldon to the dentist this Really? Yup. I told him if he didn't bite the hygienist, I'd take him for ice cream. Mmm. I didn't have to take him for ice cream. Uh-huh. You okay? You seem a little distracted. Look, there's something I need to tell you. Oh. Yeah, okay. I don't really know how to say this. Just say it. Okay. Here goes. Mm-hmm. You slept with him? I didn't know what else to do. He had those big, sad eyes. Oh, sure, you had no choice. He looked at me like this. Well, if that's all it takes, it's a good thing you don't have a dog. Don't worry. You'll have plenty of chances to break up with him: Your wedding day, your honeymoon, your 50th anniversary. Look, it's fine. We're not getting married, okay? We're keeping things, you know, homeostasis. It's so cute when she tries. (phone beeps) It's from Leonard. "Last night was amazing. "You're amazing. I'm so lucky to have you in my life." Please, stop it. WOLOWITZ: Hey, Bernie, guess what? I stood up to the other astronauts like you said and I got to tell you, last night was the first in a week I got a good night's sleep. (laughing) Oh, Howie. What's wrong? You look upset. Nope, this is my proud face.。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E08 – The Adhesive Duck DeficiencyScene: A camp site.Howard: How much time do we have?Leonard: Uh, t-minus five hours, 37 minutes to onset of meteor shower.Raj:Okay, our position is 34.48 degrees north, 118.31 west. That means the azimuth should be 168.22 degrees relative to magnetic north with an elevation of 49.93.Howard: Anything yet?Leonard: Uh, we have a signal, but there’s no frame lock.Howard: Hang on, how about now?Raj: We did it. We have the west coast feed of HBO. Howard: Ooh, Real Sex.Raj:Big deal. Every time I watch that show it’s old women putting condoms on cucumbers.Howard: Alright, let’s see what’s on the east coast feed.Leonard: Oh, hey. Dune.Raj:Not a great movie, but look at that beautiful desert.Leonard: Too bad Sheldon couldn’t come with us. Raj: Yes, it’s not the same without him. (They all laugh)Howard:Oh, this sucks, I’m switching back to Real Sex.Scene: The apartment.Sheldon:Sheldon’s log, stardate 63345.3. While my colleagues are off observing the Leonid meteor shower, I have remained behind to complete my paper on the decays of highly excited massive string states. Although my research is going well I do miss the warmth of human companionship. (He laughs)Credits sequence.Scene: The apartment.Sheldon: And good evening to you, Siam Palace. This is Sheldon Cooper. Yeah, I’m going to be dining alone this evening, so I’ll be reducing my usual order. I’d like to start with one quarter of the assorted appetizers plate and, uh, one half of the golden treasure for two. Oh, for heaven’s sake, in the mid-18th century, King Rama IV of Siam divided a huge empire amongst the colonial powers of Europe in order to preserve his throne. Surely, you, his cultural descendant, can handle pad thai and dumplings.Penny(voice off): Sheldon help!Sheldon: I need to go, but you keep in mind that my sharply worded comments on recently took down a local muffin store. (At Penny’s door, knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny..Penny: Come in! Hurry!Sheldon: Penny?Penny:I’m back here.Sheldon: (At Penny’s bedroom door, knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny..Penny: Oh, for god’s sakes, I’m in the bathroo m! Sheldon: Shall I come back at a better time? Penny: Get in here! Hurry! Don’t you dare knock. Sheldon: Hello.Penny: I slipped in the shower, and I think I dislocated my shoulder.Sheldon: Not surprising. You have no safety mat or adhesive stickers to allow for purchase on a surface with a low coefficient of static friction.Penny: What?Sheldon: Tubs are slippery.Penny: I know. I slipped.Sheldon: I have a series of whimsical duck stickers on the bottom of my tub.Penny: Yeah, okay, whatever. Will you just turn the water off and help me up?Sheldon: They’re holding umbrellas.Penny: What?Sheldon: The ducks in my tub.Penny: Uh-huh.Sheldon: They’re whimsical because ducks have neither the need for, nor the ability to use umbrellas. Penny: Oh, my god. I got to go to the emergency room.Sheldon:Well, assuming you’re correct that your right humerus is no longer seated in the glenoid socket, I would certainly think so.Penny: Okay, can you drive me?Sheldon: I don’t drive.Penny: Well, I can’t drive!Sheldon: Well, it seems we’ve reached an impasse.Penny: Ow.Sheldon:But I could call you a cab or an ambulance.Penny:No, no, no, I can’t wait that long, you got to help me, please.Sheldon: All right. Let it never be said that Sheldon Lee Cooper ignored the pleas of a damsel in distress.Penny:No one’s saying that. Let’s go.Sheldon:Well, it does seem rather ironic that for want of 99-cent adhesive ducks, we both might die in a fiery car crash.Scene: The camp site.Leonard: I wish Penny didn’t have to wo rk, she loves camping.Raj:Yeah, that would have been great. You and Penny having sex in the tent while I sit out here and watch Howard hump a cactus.Howard:Okay, the best I can tell, there are eight other campsites nearby. Mostly science nerds like us, but just over yon ridge are two not unattractive middle school teachers who reek of desperation. Raj: Wow. Wonderful. How old are they? Howard: Oh I don’t know, 50, 55.Raj: Oh, menopause, nature’s birth control. Leonard: Come on, you guys can’t be that h ard up. Howard: I am.Raj: Yeah, me, too.Howard: Look, they gave me homemade cookies. Leonard: Of course, they did. That’s what grandmothers do.Raj: So, what are we waiting for?Howard: Relax, I said we’d stop by a little later after they have their nap.Raj: Good idea. They’ll be refreshed.Howard: Cookie?Raj: Y eah, thank you. Mmmm.Leonard: Mmmm, not bad.Raj:Yeah, very tasty. Well, so tell me more about these teachers.Howard: Not much to tell. They had a VW Microbus and were wearing tie-dyed Grateful Dead shirts. Raj: Huh. Mmm. Good cookies.Scene: Penny’s bedroom.Sheldon:I see no organizational system in here whatsoever. Which panties do you wear on Mondays?Penny: I don’t need panties, I just need shorts and a shirt.Sheldon:My mother always told me one should wear clean underpants in case one is in an accident.Penny: One was already in an accident. Sheldon: That doesn’t mean one won’t be in another, especially if I’m driving.Penny: Clothes, Sheldon. I need clothes! Sheldon: Okay, here.Penny: Seriously? Those shorts with that top? Sheldon: All right.Penny:No… No… Oh, that’s cute.Sheldon:We should have you checked for a concussion.Penny: Okay, now, you got to help me put these on. Sheldon: All right.Penny: But don’t look.Sheldon: Don’t l ook?Penny:I don’t want you to see me naked. Sheldon:Oh. Well, that’s understandable. You may be interested to know that a prohibition against looking is well established in heroic mythology. Uh, Lot and his wife, Perseus and Medusa, Orpheus and Eurydice.Penny: Yeah, great.Sheldon: They always look. It never ends well. Penny: Ok, now you gotta help me get my arm into the sleeve.Sheldon: Ok.Penny: Is that my arm?Sheldon: It doesn’t feel like an arm.Penny: Then, maybe you should let it go. Sheldon: All righty.Scene: The camp site.Leonard:Stars are pretty, aren’t they?Howard:Up above the world so high, like little diamonds in the sky.Raj: That’s beautiful, dude. You should… You should write that down before someone steals it. Howard: So, when do the meteors get here?Raj: The meteors don’t get here, the earth is moving into their path.Leonard: I can feel it. I can feel the earth moving. It’s moving too fast. Raj, slow it down.Raj:Okay, how’s that?Leonard: Better. Thanks.Howard: Stars are pre tty, aren’t they?Leonard:What’s so funny?Raj:It’s your American accent. Everything you say sounds stupid. (With an American accent) Stars are pretty, aren’t they?Scene: Penny’s car.Sheldon: For the record, I should let you know this is my first time driving an actual motor vehicle. Penny: You have your learner’s permit, right? Sheldon:Yes, and I have logged a considerable number of hours on a simulator.Penny: Good.Sheldon:Didn’t work out well.Penny: All right, can we please go?Sheldon: One mome nt. According to my driver’s ed book, a side mirror is properly adjusted when a portion of the is driver’s door handle is visible in the lower right corner. There’s the handle. Oh, no, too far, bringing it back. Optimized. Now, where is the switch to adjust the passenger side mirror? Penny: It’s right there.Sheldon: Where is the passenger side mirror? Penny: In a parking lot in Hollywood. Now, can we please go?Sheldon: Yes. As soon as I adjust my seat. Whee! Oh, dear. I’m going to have to start again.Scene: The camp site.Raj:If I could speak the language of rabbits, they would be amazed, and I would be their king. Leonard: I hate my name. It has nerd in it. Len nerd.Howard: I lost my virginity to my cousin Jeanie. Raj: I would be kind to my rabbit subjects. At first. Leonard:You know what’s a cool name? Angelo. That has angel and jell-o in it.Howard: It was my Uncle Murray’s funeral. We were all back at my Aunt Barbara’s house. Our eyes locked over the pickled herring. We never meant for it to happen.Raj: One day, I hold a great ball for the President of France, but the rabbits, they hate me and don’t come. I am embarrassed, so I eat all the lettuce in the world and make them watch.Leonard: People could call me Angie. Yo, Angie, how’s it goin’?Howard:To this day, I can’t look at pickled herring without being aroused and ashamed. Oh, cousin Jeanie.Scene: Penny’s car.Penny: Could you please drive a little faster? Sheldon:Oh, I think we’re going sufficiently fast. What’s that?Penny: Nothing. The engine does that sometimes. Sheldon:That can’t be nothing, the check engine light is on. We need to find a service station. Penny: No. The light has been on since I bought the car.Sheldon:All the more reason to consult with a mechanic before it explodes.Penny:It’s not going to explode, just keep driving. Warp speed ahead, Mr. Spock.Sheldon: Mr. Spock did not pilot the Enterprise. He was the science officer, and I guarantee you that if he ever saw the Enterprise’s check engine light blinking, he would pull the ship over immediately. Penny: Oh, god, I’m gonna lose the arm. Sheldon: Oh, oh, red light, release accelerator and slowly apply the brake. Nailed it. While we have a moment, may I ask you a question?Penny: What?Sheldon: Why do you have the Chinese character for soup tattooed on your right buttock?Penny: It’s not soup, it’s courage.Sheldon: No, it isn’t. But I suppose it does take courage to demonstrate that kind of commitment to soup.Penny:How did you see it? You said you wouldn’t look.Sheldon:Sorry. As I told you, the hero always peeks.Scene: The camp site.Howard: Anything?Leonard: No. That was the last pudding cup. Howard: No! What about Slim Jims?Leonard: That’s what he used to eat his pudding, remember?Raj: Right! That was so good! Sweety and meaty at the same time.Howard: Wait. Wait, wait. So you’re saying we’re out of food?Leonard: The only thing in here are blue ice packs.Raj:I know they’re poison, but they look like big,yummy otter pops.Leonard: Oh, god, I am so hungry.Howard:Me too. Check and see if we have any more pudding.Leonard: Okay.Scene: The hospital waiting room.Sheldon:All right, there’s no need to bark at me. According to the inexplicably irritable nurse behind the desk, you’ll be seen after the man who claims to be having a heart attack, but appears to be well enough to play Doodle Jump on his iPhone. We have to fill these out. Describe illness or injury. Penny: I dislocated my shoulder.Sheldon: All right. And how did the accident occur? Penny: You ready know that.Sheldon: Cause of accident, lack of adhesive ducks. Okay, medical history. Have you ever been diagnosed with diabetes?Penny: No.Sheldon: Kidney disease?Penny: No.Sheldon: Migraines?Penny: Getting one.Sheldon: Are you currently pregnant?Penny: No.Sheldon: Are you sure? You look a bit puffy. Penny: Change migraine to yes.Sheldon: When was your last menstrual period? Penny: Oh, next question.Sheldon:I’ll put, in progress. Okay, moving to psychiatric disorders, list all major behavioural diagnoses, e.g. depression, anxiety, etcetera. Penny: Oh, my god, what the hell does this have to do with my stupid shoulder?Sheldon: Episodes of sub psychotic rage. Penny: Ass.Sheldon:Possible Tourette’s. All right, moles, lesions or other skin conditions. Soup tattoo on right buttock.Penny:Hey, Sheldon, Sheldon, look, I am scared and in a lot of pain. Could you please just take a break from being you for just a minute and try being, I don’t know, comforting?Sheldon:I’m sorry. There, there. Everything’s going to be fine. Sheldon’s here.Penny: Thanks. That’s much better.Scene: The camp site.Raj: Oh, I’m so hungry!Leonard: Will you shut up? We’re all hungry. Howard:Okay, our objective is the boy scout campsite to the east. Easy target. Big doughy scout master, couple of cubs, most webelos.Leonard: What kind of score are we looking at? Howard:Hot dogs, buns, s’mores, I mean, it’s a freaking 7-11.Leonard: All right, everyone grab flashlights. Howard: Oh, my god, could it be? Yes! My mother put an I love you brisket in my backpack. Leonard: Quick, get forks.Howard:You don’t need forks. It’s so tender, it falls apart in your hands.Raj: He’s right.Leonard: I feel like we’re forgetting something important.Raj: Me, too. But what? (Behind them, the meteor shower has begun)Howard:Maybe a tupperware bowl of roasted potatoes and carrots?Leonard and Raj together: Yes! Yes!Scene: Penny’s apartment.Sheldon: Now remember, you were given powerful pain medication and a muscle relaxer, so, uh, don’t operate heavy machinery. Try not to choke on your own drool.Penny:Wait. You have to help me get into bed. Sheldon has to get me into bed. Bet you never thought I’d say that.Sheldon:Yes. The charm of your drug addled candour knows no bounds.Penny: You kn ow, people think you’re this weird robot man who’s so annoying all the time, and you totally are, but then it’s like that movie Wall-E at the end. You’re so full of love, and you can save a plant and get fat people out of the floaty chairs. Sheldon:That’s a fairly laboured metaphor, but I appreciate the sentiment behind it.Penny:Sing “Soft Kitty” to me.Sheldon:“Soft Kitty” is for when you’re sick. You’re not sick.Penny: Injured and drugged is a kind of sick. Sheldon (singing): Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur…Penny: Wait, wait. Let’s sing it as a round. I’ll start. Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur… See that’s where you come in. I’ll start over. Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur… I’ve got all night, Sheldon. Soft kitty, war m kitty… (Sheldon joins in with the round) little ball of fur, happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr.Scene: The camp site. Raj is telling a ghost story with the torch on his face.Raj: …And the next morning when he woke up, he rolled over and reali zed… duh-duh-duh! …she was his cousin.Howard:That’s still not funny.Raj(imitating him): That’s still not funny.Howard: And she was my second cousin.Raj (imitating him): And she was my second cousin. Howard: You’re a real douche.Raj: Who cares? You slept with your cousin.。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E20 – The Spaghetti CatalystScene: The lobby.Penny: Oh, damn, they cancelled my Visa. Oh, yay, a new MasterCard!Sheldon: Uh-oh.Penny: What?Sheldon: I was going to get my mail.Penny: Okay. Are, are you hoping to get it telepathically?Sheldon: I think you mean telekinetically. And no, I just wasn’t sure of the proper protocol now that you and Leonard are no longer having coitus.Penny: God, can we please just say no longer seeing each other?Sheldon: Well, we could if it were true. But as you live in the same building, you see each other all the time. The variable which has changed is the coitus.Penny: Okay, here’s the protocol, you and I are still friends, and you stop saying coitus.Sheldon: Good, good. I’m glad we’re still friends.Penny: Really?Sheldon: Oh, yes. It was a lot of work to accommodate you in my life. I’d hate for that effort to have been in vain.Penny: Right.Sheldon: Just to be clear do I have to stop saying coitus with everyone or just you?Penny: Everyone.Sheldon: Harsh terms. But all right, I’ll just substitute intercourse.Penny: Great.Sheldon: Or fornication. Yeah. But that has judgmental overtones, so I’ll hold that in reserve.Penny: So, how you been?Sheldon: Well, my existence is a continuum, so I’ve been what I am at each point in the implied time period. Penny: You’re just coitusing with me, aren’t you?Sheldon: Bazinga.Penny: Mmm. How’s Leonard doing?Sheldon: He seems all right. Although he does spend a disturbing amount of time looking at photographs of you and smelling the pillow you slept on. Oh, but now that I think of it, he asked me not to tell you that. Penny: I’ll pretend I didn’t hear it.Sheldon: I’d rather you pretend I didn’t say it. I see you bought Mama Italia marinara spaghe tti sauce. Penny: Yep.Sheldon: That’s the sauce my mother uses. She likes cooking Italian because according to her, that’s what the Romans made Jesus eat.Penny: Interesting. I’ll have to have you over for spaghetti some night.Sheldon: I’m hungry now.Penny: Oh. Um, okay. Why don’t you give me an hour and come over?Sheldon: Will you cut up hot dogs into little chunks and mix them in with the sauce?Penny: I don’t have hot dogs.Sheldon: Oh, it’s all right, I do. Oh! You’re in for what my mother calls a r eal Eye-talian treat. (Enters apartment).Leonard: Hey, where you been?Sheldon: I was talking with Penny.Howard: What’s wrong with you? You can’t hang out with your roommate’s ex. That’s totally uncool.Leonard: No, no, it’s fine. I don’t care. I’m over it.Raj: Yeah, he’s over it, that’s why he’s been whining all day about trying to invent that memory-wiper gizmo from Men in Black.Sheldon: Is he making any progress? Because I’d like to erase Ben Affleck as Daredevil.Howard: So would Ben Affleck. The po int is, in a situation like this you got to pick sides. You’re either on Team Leonard or Team Penny.Sheldon: Which one picks last?Howard: What?Sheldon: Well, usually I’m on the team that picks last. Unless there’s a kid in a wheelchair.Leonard: Sheldon, I got you your tangerine chicken. I hope you’re hungry.Sheldon: Well, of course I’m hungry. And as I have no plans to eat with any other team, I will consume my tangerine chicken with the appropriate gusto. Mm, mm, mm!Leonard: Okay.Sheldon: Just out of curiosity, do we still have hot dogs?Leonard: I don’t know. Why?Sheldon: Just making dinner conversation. Go, Team Leonard!Credits sequenceScene: A few moments later.Howard: Oh, God, this is good.Raj: Let me ask you a question. Do you believe you’re going to go to hell for eating sweet and sour pork? Howard: Jews don’t have hell. We have acid reflux.Leonard: Do you want the last dumpling, Sheldon?Sheldon: Certainly. It’s not like I have to moderate my food intake because I’m planning on eating ag ain very shortly. Mm, mm, mm!Leonard: So, you guys want to do something tonight?Howard: Nah, I can’t. I got to pick up my mom from her water aerobics class. 18 overweight women flapping their arm fat in a swimming pool. Looks like the manatee tank at Sea World.Leonard: What about you, Raj?Raj: Oh, there it is, now that you don’t have a girlfriend, you want to hang out with me again.Leonard: I never stopped hanging out with you.Raj: Oh, please, we all know I’m the friend you call when you have no other options. If we were the Justice League, I’d be Aquaman.Howard: I wish you were Aquaman. Then I could send you to scoop my mom out of the old lady tank. Sheldon: Excuse me, I’m thirsty, so I’m going to go to the refrigerator and get myself a refreshing be verage. Leonard:You know what? I’ll just spend the evening alone.Raj: What, suddenly I’m not good enough for you?Sheldon: Ah, I do so love beverages. Now I think I’ll take my after-dinner walk.Leonard: Since when do you take after-dinner walks?Howard: Yeah, since when do you take walks?Sheldon: I read a study online that walking after a meal not only aids in digestion, but increases serotonin, and you know me, if there’s one thing I like more than a refreshing beverage, it’s serotonin. Bye-bye. Howard: Hold on. I’ll walk down with you.Sheldon: Oh, that’s not necessary. You can go first.Howard: Or we could go together.Sheldon: I can’t think of a reason why not.Howard: Let’s go.Sheldon: Hold on. Nope, no reason.Raj: I’ve missed you.Scene: The lobby.Sheldon: All right, say hello to your mother for me.Howard: Okay.Sheldon: What?Howard: You said you were going for a walk.Sheldon: I didn’t say outside.Howard:So what, you’re just gonna walk up and down the stairs?Sheldon: No, of course not. That would be odd and suspicious behavior.Woman’s voice: Here Bubbles. Here boy.Howard: Which way are you going?Sheldon: Which way are you going?Howard: I parked my scooter down the block.Sheldon:I’m going the other way. Bye.Howard: Bye. Actually, I’m this way. Do I smell hot dogs?Sheldon: No. I mean, I have no idea what you smell.Howard: I definitely smell raw hot dog.Sheldon:Perhaps you’re getting a brain tumour.Howard: All right, have a nice walk.Sheldon: I shall. Have a nice scoot.Howard: You might want to stand back. I’m sitting on top of 13 horses here.Sheldon: Oh. Hello, doggie. Nice doggie. I bet you think you smell hot dogs. Look, a cat!Scene: Penny’s apartment.Sheldon:(Knock, knock, knock) Penny, (knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Long pause, knock, knock, knock) Penny.(Penny opens door. A dishevelled Sheldon is holding up one hot dog.) Here. I had to trade the others for my life.Scene: The apartment.Raj: Hey, Leonard?Leonard: Yeah?Raj:I haven’t had sex in a year.Leonard: Where you going with this, Raj?Raj:Don’t flatter yourself, dude. I want to go out and meet a woman.Leonard: So, go.Raj: Well, I need a wingman. I don’t want to come off like a lonely loser.Leonard: And you think my presence will help with that?Raj: Well, I d o. Next to you, I’ll look like a catch.Leonard: I’m not going out tonight, Raj.Raj: All right. Would you mind if I went to your room and downloaded some Asian pornography? Leonard: Very much.Raj: Doesn’t have to be Asian.Leonard:Don’t worry. You’ll me et a girl someday.Raj:No, I won’t.Leonard: Yes, you will, and she’ll be beautiful, and kind and sexy and funny and everything you ever wanted in a woman.Raj: You really think so?Leonard: I do, and you’ll fall hopelessly in love and give her your heart. And she’ll take it and grind it into pathetic, little pieces.Raj:But we’ll have sex first, right?Scene: Penny’s apartment.Sheldon: Mmm, mmm, mmm. That’s Eye-talian.Penny: So, um, was Leonard okay with you coming over?Sheldon: Oh, yes. In fact, he said, I’m fine, I don’t care. And he in no way said it in a manner which would lead one to believe that he was covering up feelings of anguish and betrayal.Penny: Well, good.Sheldon:I’m also pleased to report that he’s all cried out over you.Penny: He’s been crying?Sheldon: Oh, I believe that was something else I wasn’t supposed to mention.Penny: Oh, God, I feel terrible.Sheldon: Do you have a stomach ache, too?Penny: No. Why, do you?Sheldon: No.Penny: Why did you ask if I had one, too?Sheldon: Just making polite dinner conversation. Your turn.Penny: All right. So, what’s new in your life?Sheldon: Well, my new shoes are not made for running.Penny: Have you been running?Sheldon:No. It’s just a suspicion I have. Mmm, mmm, mmm.Penny: I’m so gla d you like it.Sheldon: I do. Leonard never cooks for me.Penny:Well, maybe that’s ’cause Leonard can’t cook.Sheldon:You can’t cook and you made me this.Penny:Whatever. Ooh, I’m gonna get the cheesecake out of the fridge.Sheldon:Oh, Lord, I’m in Jew ish hell.Scene: The apartment.Raj:Look at this. Do you think she’s really doing that or is it PhotoShop?Leonard: I’m pretty sure Martha Stewart never got naked with a room full of big, fat Japanese guys.Raj:You don’t know that. Prison changes people.Leonard: Hey, where you been?Sheldon: I told you, walking.Leonard: For an hour and a half?Sheldon: I got lost.Leonard: How could you get lost? Your phone has GPS.Sheldon: Satellites are down. Solar flares.Raj: There are no solar flares right now.Sheldon: Yes, there are.Raj: Dude, I’m an astrophysicist. If there were solar flares, I’d be all up in it.Sheldon:I’m sorry. I misspoke. What I meant to say was my battery died.Leonard: What the hell was that about?Raj:I don’t know. Do you think this is really Hillary Clinton doing it with Oprah?Leonard: Oh, we really need to get you a girl.Scene: Leonard’s bedroom. Leonard is asleep.Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (knock, knock, knock) Leonard. Leonard: Oh, just come in!Sheldon: Thanks for seeing me on such short notice.Leonard: What do you want, Sheldon?Sheldon:Maybe this isn’t a good time.Leonard: Tell me why you woke me up or I swear to God I will kill you.Sheldon: Do you really think death threats are an appropriate way to begin this conversation? Sometimes your lack of social skills astonishes me.Leonard: What do you want?Sheldon: You may want to sit down.Leonard:I’m in bed!Sheldon: Point taken. You may want to sit up.Leonard: Sheldon!Sheldon:I’ve been seeing Penny behind your back.Leonard: Okay, when you say seeing Penny, what exactly does that mean?Sheldon: We had dinner last night. She made me spaghetti with little hot dogs cut up in it. Well, little hot dog. I gave up the other five hot dogs to a real dog. A real, big dog. A hell hound. Tangential to the primary story. How about I circle back to it?Leonard: Fine. Why did you have dinner with Penny?Sheldon: I told you, she made spaghetti with little hot dogs. I like spaghetti with little hot dogs.Leonard: Then why did you have Chinese food with us?Sheldon:I didn’t want to upset you. Howard made it very clear that my allegiance should be to male comrades before women who sell their bodies for money.Leonard: Is it possible he said Bros before Hos?Sheldon: Yes, but I rephrased it to avoid offending the hos.Leonard: Sheldon, I don’t care if you want to be friends with Penny.Sheldon: Oh. Well, so the emotional turmoil that’s been keeping me from achieving REM sleep was entirely unjustified?Leonard: Yes.Sheldon: Well then as my meemaw would say, looks like we butchered a pig, but nobody wanted bacon. Leonard: I guess not.Sheldon: And now, as promised, the tangent. Sheldon and the Hell Hound, or How I Lost My Hot Dogs.Scene: The laundry room.Penny: Oh, um, I, I can come back.Leonard: D-don’t be silly. We’re neighbours, we’re going to run into each other, may as well get used to it. Penny: Yeah, I guess you’re right.Leonard: You used to it yet?Penny: Nope.Leonard: Me neither. Oh, Sheldon seemed think that I would be upset about you hanging out with him. But I just want you to know it’s fine.Penny: Oh, oh, good, because, um, his mother called me.Leonard: His mother?Penny: Yeah, she wants me to take him shopping for sheets and towels.Leonard: I was going to do that.Penny: Oh, well, then you, you do it.Leonard:No, I don’t want to do it. You can do it.Penny: Okay, you can take him for shoes.Leonard: I just took him for shoes.Penny: Well, all I know is he says they hurt his feet.Leonard:Fine. I’ll take him for shoes next Saturday.Penny: Oh, no, no, no, a bunch of us from work are going to Disneyland next Saturday and Sheldon wants to come.Leonard: Y ou’re taking him to Disneyland?Penny: Well, he heard me making plans on the phone. Was I going to say no?Leonard:All right. But let me know if you’re going to stuff him with junk food. I don’t want to bring home a nice dinner for him and see it go to waste.Penny: We’re going to Disneyland. He’s going to eat junk food.Leonard: Al l I’m saying is give me a heads-up.Penny: Okay, whatever.Leonard:And don’t let him go on Space Mountain after he eats. He’ll say he can handle it, but I promise you’ll end up with churro puke on your shoes.Penny: All right, got it. Is there anything else?Leonard:Yeah, don’t let Goofy near him. He’ll have nightmares and I’ll have to deal with it.Penny: What’s the problem with Goofy?Leonard: Wish I knew. He’s fine with Pluto.Scene: The apartment.Raj: Hey, do you think the elastic woman in The Incredibles needs to use birth control or can she just be a diaphragm?Howard: Well, that’s it. We’re officially out of things to talk about.Penny:We’re home.Leonard: It’s ten o’clock, where have you been?Sheldon: We stayed for the California Adventure water show. It was pure Disney magic.Leonard: I was going to see that with him.Penny: How was I supposed to know that?Sheldon:It’s all right. I’ll see it again with you.Leonard: And I have food here. You said you were going to call.Penny: I know, I know.Sheldon: I can still eat.Penny: No, you already threw up once. Go put on your PJs and brush your teeth.Sheldon:Okay, but just don’t fightLeonard: We’re not fighting.Penny: Just go.Leonard: Aren’t you going to thank Penny for taking you to Disneylan d?Sheldon: Thank you, Penny.Penny:You’re welcome, sweetie.Leonard: Want a cup of coffee?Penny: Oh, um, I should probably get going.Leonard:Come on. It’s just a cup of coffee.Penny: Yep, okay.Howard (to Raj, who has whispered to him): Oh, yeah, the whole thing seems a little twisted to me, too. Leonard: What am I smelling?Penny: Sheldon’s churro on my shoes.Scene: Sheldon’s bedroom.Penny:He’s such an angel when he’s asleep.Leonard: Yeah. Shame he has to wake up.Penny: I think we can do it.Leonard:Smother Sheldon in his sleep? Wouldn’t that be wrong?Penny: No, be friends. You and me.Leonard: Oh. Sure. Absolutely.Penny:Good. I’m glad.Leonard: Here’s an idea. I’m just throwing it out there, friends who have sex. Penny: Good night, Leonard.Leonard:Kidding. Just a couple of friends goofin’ around.Sheldon(in his sleep): No, Goofy, no.。

目录第1集 (2)第2集 (13)第3集 (25)第4集 (36)第1集Previously on The Big Bang Theory... E01《生活大爆炸》前情提要I was offered a summer research fellowship at Princeton. 我得到了普林斯顿大学的夏季研究奖学金A fine institution. 很不错的大学The place where Albert Einstein taught, 阿尔伯特·爱因斯坦教过书的地方and where Leonard got his PhD, 莱纳德也是在那里拿到博士学位so it may have gone downhill.所以那学校可能没落了Gentlemen, you may remember Dr. Nowitzki. 各位还记得诺维茨基博士吗She's back at Caltech for her postdoc. 她又回来加州理工读博士后啦Question. are you seeking a romantic relationship withme?问一下你是想和我发展恋爱关系吗What if I were? 如果我是呢Well, that would raise a number of problems. 这会引起一系列的问题We're colleagues, I'm currently in a relation... 我们是同事我现在有女友Amy? Amy. 艾米艾米Amy? 艾米时至今日Will you marry me? 你愿意嫁给我吗One moment, please. 稍等我一下Really, you're going to answer that right now? 不是吧你真要现在接这电话吗It's Leonard. 是莱纳德打来I don't want to be rude. 我不想失礼嘛Hello? 你好Oh, hey, where you been? 你上哪去了We've been calling you for hours. 打你电话找你好久了Oh, I'm sorry, my phone was on "Airplane" Mode.抱歉我的手机之前在飞行模式Why? 为什么Because I was on an airplane. 因为我在飞机上"飞行"啊Hey, put him on speaker. 开公放Y eah. ‭H ey, where are you? 你去哪里了I came to Princeton to see Amy. 我来普林斯顿大学找艾米It's a funny story, actually.其实还挺有意思I was having lunch with Dr. Nowitzki,我当时在跟诺维茨基博士共进午餐and she kissed me. 然后她亲吻了我- Excuse me? - ‭W hat? -什么-啥I'm sorry? 你说什么And in that moment, I realized 在那一刻我意识到that Amy was the only woman I ever wanted to kiss 艾米才是我余生for the rest of my life. 唯一想亲吻的女人So I came to New Jersey to ask her to marry me. 所以我来新泽西跟她求婚Oh, that's so sweet. ‭你真是太甜了- Sheldon... - Y eah, although -谢尔顿... -不过呢there was one man whose blessing I needed first. 我的确是先去求得了某位男士的祝福I've thought about it, and I really want to spend 我想过了也的确想要the rest of my life with Amy. 与艾米共度余生Do I have your blessing? 你会祝福我吗Well, Sheldon... 谢尔顿...I think you should make her finger like Saturn 我觉得你应该将她的手指变成土星and put a ring on it. 再往她手指上套个土星"环"Y ou asked Stephen Hawking and not her father? 你去问了霍金博士而不是艾米父亲吗Stephen Hawking's a genius. 霍金博士是个天才If he said no, I wasn't gonna waste my time on her father. 如果他不支持我才不要浪费时间去问她爹But you did ask my father? 那你有问过我父亲吧I did. He said yes. 有他同意Although, not in a robot voice, so it wasn't nearly as cool. 但不是用机械人式语音说的所以没那么酷Okay. Oh, my God, I can't believe you guys areengaged.我的天啊真不敢相信你们订婚了We're not engaged, yet. 还没订上婚呢She's taking forever to answer. 她想了半天还不回答我Because you're on the phone! 因为你在讲电话We'll call you back. 我们稍后回电She said yes. 她同意了Y ay! ‭C ongratulations! 恭喜你们Mother, I have some good news to share. 母亲我有好消息与你分享We're engaged. 我们订婚啦I am so happy for you two, but I'm not surprised. 我真为你们开心但我一点都不惊讶I've been praying for this. 我为此事祈祷多时了Well, God had nothing to do with it. 这件事上帝没半点功劳It happened because I was kissing another woman, 完全是因为我跟别的女人接了吻and it made me realize I wanted to be with Amy. 令我意识到我想跟艾米共度余生More than one woman was interested in you? 超过一名女性对你有兴趣吗I might have prayed a little too hard. 我可能祈祷太猛了Wait, oh, and I just... 等等我想先...I want to let you know right now 我想现在就跟你说清楚that we are not getting married in a church. 我们不会在教堂里成婚That's all right, Sheldon.没关系谢尔顿Anywhere Jesus is is a church. 耶稣在哪哪便是教堂Well, he won't be at our wedding. 但他不会在我们婚礼上He's in my heart, so if I'm there, 他会在我心里所以只要我人在he'll be there. 他就在Okay, well, then, he's your plus-one. 行那他就是你带的伴Y ou don't get to bring anyone else. 你带人的名额就用完了That's fine. Love you. 没关系爱你Love you, too. Bye. 我也爱你再见Lord, thank you. 主啊谢谢您Even though you can do anything, 虽然您无所不能that was mighty impressive. 但这事真显出了您的无上威能We're engaged. 我们订婚了Oh, my God, that's amazing! 天啊太棒了Wait, uh, tell me everything.慢着快告诉我整个经过Well, Dr. Nowitzki was kissing me... 是这样的诺维茨基博士亲了我Okay, you can stop leading with that part of the story. 你可以别再用这事当故事开头了Well, congratulations. 恭喜你们啊I'm so happy for you two. 太为你们俩高兴了Hold on, I have to tell Bernadette.稍等我得告诉伯纳黛特Hey, Bernie, guess what? 妮妮你猜怎么着Sheldon and Amy got engaged. Can you believe it? 谢尔顿跟艾米订婚啦你敢信吗Oh, my God. I cannot believe it.天啊我真不敢相信She's so happy... I think she's crying. 她好像高兴到... 在喜极而泣啊Do you think Sheldon's gonna want 你觉得谢尔顿会想要办一场some weird Star Trek wedding? 怪胎的《星舰迷航》风婚礼吗I don't know. 我不知道Well, Leonard could barely finish the words 莱纳德当时想说"Doctor Who wedding cake" "《神秘博士》婚礼蛋糕"before I shut that down hard. 还没说完就被我狠狠拒绝Are you listening to me? 你有在听我说话吗Y eah, you're mean to Leonard. I heard you. 有啊你对莱纳德毫无人性我听到了Is everything okay? 你还好吗Look, I'm gonna tell you something, 我要告诉你一件事but you can't freak out, 但你不许惊慌失措because I'm already freaking out. 因为我已经很手足无措了Oh, my God, what is it? 天啊什么事I'm pregnant again. 我又怀孕了Wha... 什...Interesting. 有点儿意思Howard's gonna lose his mind. 霍华德要是知道会疯的Wait, you haven't told him yet? 慢着你还没告诉他吗No. 没有Y ou told me first? Oh, Bernie! 你先告诉了我妮妮小亲亲This wasn't supposed to happen-- we were careful. 这事不应该啊我们很小心的Y eah, I didn't even think you could get pregnant 对啊我本来还以为哺乳期内while you were breastfeeding. 女人是不会怀孕的呢Well, guess what? Y ou can. 结果呢老娘就怀了Okay, look, look, this is a good thing. 好吧听着这是桩好事Halley's gonna have a little brother 这样哈雷就会有个弟弟or sister to play with. 或者妹妹陪她玩了I guess that would be pretty cute. 我想那应该是会挺有爱And, you, know, I was a surprise to my parents, 你知道吗我也是我爸妈的意外之喜and my dad said it was the best thing 我爸说我是发生在他们身上that ever happened to them. 最美好的事Okay. Maybe this baby actually is a blessing. 好吧也许这个宝宝是上天的恩赐Oh, my God, honey, of course it is. 天啊亲爱的当然了How am I pregnant again? 我怎么会又怀上了呢Y eah, what were you thinking? 对啊你搞什么鬼啊All right, I'm all checked in to my flight. 机票确认好了Well, I'm sad you're leaving.你要走了我好难过Why'd you only book a flight for one day? 为什么你订当天来回呢I came here to propose. 我来是为了求婚If you'd said no, I wouldn't want to stick around 要是你拒绝我我可不想looking at your stupid face. 留下来看着你的蠢样Now, mind you, your face is only stupid 是这样的只有你拒绝我的情况下in the "No" version of the story. 你才会是一脸蠢样But I said yes, so I get a lifetime of this. 但我答应了能享用一辈子的你这货Y es, you do, smart face. 是啊机灵鬼Why don't you stay a few extra days? 不如你多待几天吧Well, I don't have any other clothes. 我没带别的衣服We'll get you some. 我们可以去买Oh, I don't know, I'm pretty particular. 不要了吧我这个人很挑的离这儿不到1600米的地方有家漫画店Well, there's a comic book store less than a mile fromhere.Perfect, let's go shopping. 棒买买买对了我今晚要跟同事共进晚餐Oh, um, and I'm having dinner with some colleaguestonight.I'm sure they'd love to meet you. 他们会很高兴见到你的Come on, what do you say? 来嘛好不好A w, you're nagging me. 你开始跟我唠唠叨叨了It's like we're already married. 感觉我们已经结婚了似的Is that a yes or a no? 那到底好不好嘛Geez, save some for the honeymoon. 天啊留点力等蜜月了再叨逼叨吧Look at Nowitzki over there. 瞧那是诺维茨基I can't believe she tried to steal 不敢相信她想从艾米身边Sheldon from Amy. 抢走谢尔顿Y ou know what? 瞧好了I'm gonna go there and tell her that they're engaged now 我要过去告诉她他们订婚了and that her little plan didn't work. 她的小把戏落空了Because you're sticking up for Sheldon, 这是因为你想维护谢尔顿or because you're still mad she rejected you? 还是因为你还在气她拒绝了你Too far away, can't hear you. 距离太远听不到你在讲什么Hello, Ramona. 你好拉蒙娜Hello. 你好Why are you sitting by yourself? 怎么独自一人坐在这呢Oh, that's right, 我知道了Sheldon's in New Jersey being engaged to Amy. 谢尔顿在新泽西他和艾米订婚了I heard. 我听说了Now that Sheldon's out of the picture, 现在谢尔顿闪边去了I could give you one more chance to go out with me. 我可以再给你个机会跟我约会Nope, I'm good. 谢邀不用了Y ou sure? 你确定吗I will not ask again. 小爷可不会再问第二次I sincerely hope not. 我真心希望你不会再问了V ery well. 行吧I'm going to leave before this gets awkward. 那在气氛变尴尬之前我先撤了Want me to make dinner? 要我做晚饭吗Uh, sure, but first, why don't you have a seat? 好啊不过你能先坐下来吗There's something I need to show you. 我有东西给你看Ooh, if it's how to make dinner, that'd be great. 是晚饭教程的话就完美了Is this a... pregnancy test? 这是... 验孕棒吗Y es. 是的That means... positive? 这表示... 阳性吗Y es. 是的No. 不是吧Y es. 是的N-- No. 不不是Y es. 是的No! 别啊How could this even happen? 这怎么可能发生呢Uh, w-- we were careful. 我们这么小心- Well, it did. - ‭N o! -就是发生了-不可能-Y es! Y es! - ‭N o! No! -我不能接受-接受现实吧Okay! Okay! Okay! 好吧好吧行吧Well, w-what are we gonna do? 那我们该怎么办What do you mean what are we gonna do? 什么叫"我们该怎么办"We're gonna have another baby. 我们又要生一个宝宝了- No! No! ‭- Stop that! -不不-别叫了‭- Y es! - No, I'm trying! -就是怀了-我也在试着不叫啊Look, I know it's scary, but... 我知道这感觉很可怕但是we're both responsible adults, we can do this. 我们都是可靠成年人我们能行Y ou really think so? 你真这么想吗No! 不- Hey, Stuart. - ‭O h, hey, Raj. -你好斯图尔特-你好拉杰What can I help you with? 有什么能帮到你的I need to buy an engagement gift. 我要买一份订婚礼物Well, you came to the wrong place. 那你来错地方了It's for Sheldon and Amy. 是送给谢尔顿和艾米的- No way! They're engaged? - ‭Y eah. -不是吧他们订婚了-是的Well, that's exciting news. 真是个令人激动的好消息Who would've thought Sheldon and Amy would be thenext two谁能想到谢尔顿和艾米会是下一对to tie the knot? 喜结连理的呢Tell me about it. I'm the one 可不是嘛我才是那个who caught the bouquet at Leonard and Penny'swedding.在莱纳德和佩妮婚礼上接到捧花的人通常是女生抢捧花\N抢到捧花的人会延续幸福/最快下一个结婚Okay. 好吧Uh... you know, 我看看they might like this. 他们可能会喜欢这个Superman and Wonder Woman, it's kind of romantic. 超人和神奇女侠挺浪漫的Y ou know what? 其实呢Why am I buying them a gift? 我干嘛给他们买礼物They have love. 他们已经拥有爱了Screw them and their happiness. 幸福脱单的都去死吧What do you have for someone who's bitter and alone? 你有没有适合苦逼单身狗的东西Literally everything. 全部都是Sheldon, these are the heads of my research team. 谢尔顿这两位是我研究小组的领导- Oh, hello. - Dr. Zane, Dr. Harris, -你好-赞恩博士哈里斯博士this is my fiancé, Dr. Sheldon Cooper. 这是我未婚夫谢尔顿·库珀博士That's the first time I've said that 我第一次这样叫他and it kind of gave me the goose bumps. 我都荡漾得起鸡皮疙瘩了Dr. Cooper, 库珀博士we are so excited to meet you. 很高兴能见到你Well, that's very kind of you. 太客气了If you'd like, I could autograph your menus after dinner, yeah? 想要的话饭后我可以在你们的菜单上签名But I better not see those on eBay. 但最好别让我发现你们拿去网上拍卖No, no, no, we're just excited to meet the man 不不我们只是很开心能见到who landed this brilliant woman here. 赢得这位才华横溢女士的男人That wasn't hard, 那一点都不难she threw herself at me. 是她倒贴我的Now, getting the universe to show me its naughty bits, 但要让宇宙向我展露"私密"that-that took some doing. 那才需要费一番功夫Sheldon's a physicist. 谢尔顿是物理学家‭O h, that's nice. 挺不错啊Amy, I recently read your paper on lesions 艾米我最近读了你in the olfactory receptors in the brain. 关于嗅觉受体损伤的论文It was inspired. 非常富有创见Oh, well, I guess it didn't stink. 看来水平不算太臭But if it did, that rat wouldn't have known it. 但即使臭了那只老鼠也闻不到‭I'm sorry, 抱歉I'm sure you don't want to sit here 你肯定不想坐在这儿and listen to a bunch of work talk. 听我们聊工作Oh, no, I love it. 不我很喜欢No, but let's talk about work. 我们来聊工作吧Amy's work, my work. 艾米的工作我的工作Y eah, why don't we start with my work? 不如就先聊我的工作吧Actually, I do have a question for Dr. Cooper. 我还真有个问题想问库珀博士When Amy first told you about her approach to synaptic tracing, 艾米首次告诉你她对突触追踪的切入点时did you think it was gonna revolutionize the field? 你有意料到会给这个领域带来巨大变革吗Really? 不是吧That's your question? 你要问的就是这个吗What are you, Entertainment Tonight? 怎么你是综艺节目《今夜娱乐》的人吗Y ou know what? 这样吧Let me give you a better question. Here, 我来给你提供一个更好的问题听着um, "Dr. Cooper, "库珀博士I heard you were working on a top-secret project 听说你正在为美国军方for the U.S. Military. 研究一个机密项目Why don't you tell us about that?" 不如跟我们说说这个吧"See, that's a great question. 这才是个好问题Okay, what was that like? 好吧那项目怎么样Oh, I can't tell you that, it's top-secret. 我不能告诉你那可是最高机密Boy, that was exhausting. 刚才好心累Y ou know, no offense, but your colleagues were prettyrude.无意冒犯但你的同事很无礼Really, they were rude? 是吗是他们无礼吗Y es. 是啊They just kept talking about you and how great you are, 他们只会一直说你的事说你有多了不起no matter how many times I brought me up. 完全无视我多次提起我自己Y ou know, these are my colleagues他们是我的同事and they want to talk about my work. 想谈论我的工作成果Why does that bother you so much? 这有什么好让你不爽的Because I was there. 因为我也在场啊It's like having Optimus Prime over to dinner 就像请《变形金刚》的擎天柱来吃饭and not asking him to turn into a truck. 却不叫他变身卡车一样Y ou know what, Sheldon? 你知道吗谢尔顿Y ou're not always the smartest person in every room. 你并非永远都是房间里最聪明的人Y ou may not even be the smartest person in this room. 你很可能都不是这房间里最聪明的人Oh, I am sorry. 不好意思What, is Neil deGrasse Tyson hiding behind the couch? 难道尼尔·德格拉塞·泰森躲在沙发后面吗著名天体物理学家'Cause if he is, he's not that smart, 如果真是也只证明了他也没多聪明it's pretty dusty back there. 因为后面挺多灰的Hey, where are you going? 你要去哪里I'm storming off to my room. 我要气冲冲地回我的房间Well, then where am I supposed to storm off to? 那我能气冲冲地走去哪儿Well, you're so smart, why don't you figure it out? 你那么聪明怎么不自己想Is there another bedroom? 还有其他卧室吗Perhaps a-a den? 或者小房间之类的So, how are you guys doing with all the new 你们对你子宫里那个新事件events in your womb? 适应得怎么样Good, you know? 挺好的Obviously, it was a surprise. 显然这是个意外惊喜There was some crying and some yelling.发生了一些哭泣和争吵Some suggestion of make-up sex that did not go overwell,有些打和好炮的提议被拒绝了even though it's not like we can get more pregnant. 即使我们并不会怀上加怀But then we realized that it's a gift, in the sense 但我们意识到这是一份礼物that we didn't ask for it, 虽然我们没有主动要求and we may not have chosen it... 也没有主动选择And we already have one. 而且我们已经有一个了Y ou know, whenever I find a top I like, 每当我买到喜欢的衣服I always go back and get a second one in a differentcolor.就会回去再买一件同款不同色的Which I hope is not the case with your baby. 希望你们的宝宝不会是不同色I know you guys are freaked out, but you're great parents, 我知道你们吓坏了但你们是很好的父母and if you ever need help, we are here for you. 你们如果需要帮忙我们随时都在Y eah, anything at all, just ask. 是啊不管什么忙开口就是了Ooh, you know what you could do? 你知道你们能做什么吗Y ou could have a baby, too. 你们可以也生个宝宝I'm sorry, what? 不好意思你说什么No, that's a great idea, we could go through it together. 真是个好主意我们可以一起经历这个过程Wouldn't that be fun? 那一定会很好玩对吧Y ou guys were just saying 你们刚刚才在说how freaked out and miserable you are. 你们有多害怕多凄惨I say a lot of crazy things. 我经常说疯话I'm pregnant and hormonal. 毕竟我怀孕了体内激素发生变化Do it! Have a baby, do it! 快点生个宝宝干起来Come on, it'd be so cute, our kids playing together? 那画面超级萌我们的孩子在一起玩耍What do you say, why don't you two hit the old mattress 怎么样你们俩快去把床单滚起and whip up a family? 赶紧搞出个娃娃来Okay, we're not gonna have a baby 我们才不会为了让你们开心just to make you guys feel better. 就赶紧生孩子呢Y eah, if we're gonna have a baby it's gonna be when we are ready, 想让我俩生孩子除非是我们准备好了or when I'm certain Penny is gonna leave me. 或者我确定佩妮要抛弃我了Exactly. 没错They're my friends, and I should be happy for them. 他们都是我的朋友我应该为他们高兴A-And I'm trying, 我也努力过了but all I feel is this gnawing, empty sensation in my gut. 但我只感到满腹纠结和莫名的空虚I had that once. 我也曾有过这种感觉Turned out it was a tapeworm. 后来发现是我肚子长了绦虫Cool. Uh... 好吧...It's just...it's hard talking to my other friends about this, 只是... 这种事很难跟其他朋友聊but I knew you would understand. 但我想你可以理解我Why is that? 为什么Because you and I are both alone, 因为你和我都是单身狗which is actually kind of comforting, 想想还真是抚慰人心because at least we can be alone together. 至少我们单着的路上有个伴Mm. This is-this is awkward. 这真是太尴尬了I, um, I was actually gonna close up a little early tonight 我今晚本来打算提早关店'cause I have a date. 因为我要去约会Really? 真的吗Y eah. 真的Forgive me if I'm having trouble being happy for you. 请原谅我无法为你感到开心Don't be silly, I'm loving your pain. 傻瓜痛在你身乐在我心Is this how our marriage is going to be? 这会是我俩结婚以后的状态吗Sometimes people will be more interested 有时候人们会更愿意和她说话in talking to her than to me? 而不是和我说话吗Are you sitting in a bathroom? 你现在人在厕所吗Y es. 是的I needed a place to storm off to 我需要一个能让我摔门冲入的地方and it was all that was available.这里是唯一可以的地方Fine. 好吧But if I hear a flush, this conversation is over. 但如果有冲马桶的声音谈话就结束了Those people were in the presence of a world-classmind,这些人都有着世界级水准的智慧and all they wanted to talk about was their ownnonsense.而他们却只想聊那些无聊废话Can you see the irony in that statement? 你能听出其中的讽刺意味吗How about now? 听出来没How about now? 现在呢I'll wait. 我会等待的Surprise. 惊喜Oh, crap, is it our anniversary? 糟了今天是我们的纪念日吗No. Wait. 不等一下No. No. 不不是All right, so what are we celebrating? 好吧那我们到底是庆祝什么事Well, you know, Bernadette and Howard are pregnantagain,你知道博纳黛特和霍华德又怀孕了and Amy and Sheldon are getting married.艾米和谢尔顿也要结婚了I didn't want you to feel left out. 我不想让你感到受冷落Ah. Left out? 什么受冷落吗Well, Bernadette has to grow a baby inside of her, 博纳黛特肚子里要长一个小宝宝and Amy has to marry one. 艾米马上要嫁给另一个小宝宝My life is great. 我的人生非常圆满So do you not want the cake? 所以你不想吃这蛋糕了吗Try and take it away, see what happens. 你把它端走试试看你怎么死Oh, crap, it is our anniversary. 糟了今天真是我们结婚纪念日Happy anniversary! 结婚纪念日快乐Amy. 艾米There's something I need to say to you. 有些事我要告诉你I'm listening. 我听着呢I've been thinking about the A vengers. 我一直在想复仇者联盟I believe that. 我相信But I don't think that's something you needed to say tome.但我觉得这没什么好跟我说的I realized that Iron Man is great. 我意识到钢铁侠超屌And also, that Captain America is great. 但同时美国队长也很不错And sometimes, Iron Man is in a Captain America movie, 有时钢铁侠还会出现在美国队长的电影里and he's not mad it's not an Iron Man movie. 他也不会因为这不是钢铁侠电影而生气Y ou know, he can fly in, give the audience a thrill, 他只是帅气飞来让观众热血沸腾and then fly away. 然后再霸气飞走And that should've been me tonight. 我今夜就应该那么做I should've been the delightful cameo in your movie. 我应该当你电影中的讨喜配角Thank you, Sheldon. 谢谢你谢尔顿Instead, I was like the Hulk, and I... 相反的我表现得像暴怒的绿巨人一样...Okay, please stop talking about the A vengers. 够了请不要再提复仇者联盟了Anyway. 总而言之I'm proud of you. 我为你骄傲And I'm going to try to do a better job 我以后会尽量学习分享目光焦点of sharing the spotlight because we're a team. 因为我们是同一个队的Y ou know? Much like t-the Dodgers. 你懂吗我们就像是棒球道奇队的球员If they had superpowers, and fought crime. 如果他们有超能力会打击犯罪And Thor was in them. 而且雷神索尔也在里面Sheldon, I know this isn't easy, 谢尔顿我知道这很不容易but you'll have a whole lifetime to practice. 但你会有一辈子来慢慢练习I-It could take that long, I'm really bad at it. 也许真的需要这么久我对此非常不在行Y ou know, maybe, um, 也许...I should start right now, and go back to Pasadena 我该从现在开始赶紧回帕萨迪纳and let you have this experience to yourself. 让你好好享受这一切Y ou just want to go back 你就是想回到那个'cause that's where everybody makes a fuss over you. 大家都稀罕你的地方吧Y ou know, your colleagues are right, you are brilliant. 你的同事说得对你真是冰雪聪明3个月后Hello. 你们好呀‭H e y. ‭A my, welcome back. 艾米欢迎回来Oh, l-let me see the ring. 让我看看订婚戒指Ooh, nice. 美死了H-Hey, her eyes are up there. 喂喂别乱看呀I-Is that the woman who kissed Sheldon? 那就是亲了谢尔顿的女人吗- Uh... Could be. - Hard to say. Tell us about Princeton. -有可能-很难说跟我们说说普林斯顿的事Excuse me for a minute. 等我一下Not-- well, we'll catch up later. 不我们待会再聊吧This is going to be the biggest smackdown 这将是自从我的阿姨在家族聚会上since my Aunt Noopur showed up at the family reunion 和我•表姐穿了同样的沙丽之后wearing the same sari as my cousin Sruti. 最大的一次撕逼大战了Dr. Nowitzki? 诺维茨基博士Dr. Fowler. Um, hello. 福勒博士你好Thank you. Thank you so much. 谢谢我衷心谢谢你全家第2集Maybe you should offer it to the pregnant lady. E02或许你该让给怀孕的那位女士And that would be... 那位女士是...Me, Sheldon. 我啊谢尔顿I'm obviously pregnant. 我孕相多明显啊Well, you never said it to my face. 因为你还没当面跟我说过And the last time I assumed a woman was pregnant, 我上一次想当然地认为一名女士怀孕时it did not go over well.结果还挺糟糕的Y eah, I'm still mad at you. 是的我还在生你气呢Y ou were drinking water instead of wine. 你这酒鬼当时居然在喝白开水What was I supposed to think? 我这么想有错吗Sheldon's right. 谢尔顿说得对I would never ask a woman if she was pregnant, 我永远不会问一个女士是不是怀孕unless she tells me or I see a human being 除非是她告诉我或是我看到有人类wiggling out of her. 从她下面被拉出来Well, Sheldon, I'm pregnant. 谢尔顿我怀孕了Congratulations. How far along are you? 恭喜你啊怀孕多久了About three months. 大概三个月吧Only three? 才三个月吗Good gravy, how many babies are in there? 天啊你肚子里是装的是几胞胎啊Okay, let's talk about something 够啦咱们来聊一些that won't infuriate my pregnant wife. 不会让我的孕妻暴怒的话题吧I read an interesting fact about elephants. 我读了一个有关大象的有趣知识Try again. 再换一个Oh, I've got something. 我想到啦I'm being interviewed on public radio this Friday. 这周五我要接受电台访谈啦Oh, cool. How come? 厉害为什么呢Uh, the university is trying to get more funding 大学希望物理系能获得for the physics department, 更多研究资金so they want me to go out and talk it up. 所以就派我出马啊Really? Y ou? 真的吗派你啊Well, they picked the right person for the job. 那他们还真是请对人了Thank you. 真是谢谢啊I think he bought it. 我觉得他信了Hi, I'm Ira Flatow, and this is Science Friday. 欢迎收听《科学星期五》我是艾拉·菲莱知名电台主持人曾在第本剧7季第10集客串过Joining me today is my guest physicist, Dr. Leonard 今天的嘉宾是物理学家莱纳德·霍夫Hofstadter, 斯塔德to talk about all of the exciting research 他要来跟我们聊他在加州理工they're doing at Cal Tech. 所做的那些激动人心的研究Thank you for having me. Whoa... 感谢贵节目给我这个机会...Could never get used to hearing myself in headphones. 还是没办法习惯在耳机里听到自己的声音Is that really how I sound? 我的声音听起来真是这样吗It is. It is. 是的真是That is good to know. 很高兴知道这点I told him his voice was annoying. 我跟他说过他的声音很惹人厌He didn't want to listen. 他就是不听Hey. 喂Y ou're saying it's not? 难道你觉得不烦人吗Just... hey. 就... 喂...So, it has been five years 所以打从五年前since the discovery of the Higgs boson-- 希格斯玻色子被证实存在后what's the next big thing gonna be? 您觉得下一个科学界大事是什么Wow, that's hard to say. 这很难说啊There's so much going on. 有太多大事在发生了We've been collecting tons of data 我们一直在搜集大量的数据that could revolutionize the way we understand the universe. 而这数据有可能颠覆我们对宇宙的理解For instance, there's a particle called a squark, 比如说有个粒子叫超对称性夸克which could prove supersymmetry. 它能证明超对称性That is interesting. Have you found it? 有意思那你们找到了吗- What, the squark? - Y es. -什么那个夸克吗-对啊No, no. 没还没Wouldn't that be exciting? 找到了就神作了But we're also looking for the selectron, 但我们也在试着找出超电子the gluino and the neutralino.胶微子与超中微子都是理论物理学家提出的物理模型中假想的一些粒子\N基本没有切实的实验依据很可能并不存在- Well, and have you found that? - No. -那找到那些了吗-没有Another fun sidenote-- 插个有趣小故事I went to high school with a girl named Theresa Gluino,我我有个高中同学名叫特丽莎·胶微子but it didn't cost $2 billion to find her. 但要找到她并不需要花二十亿She was smoking behind the gym. 她总躲在体育馆后面抽着烟So, what have you found? 那你们发现了什么Uh, nothing, actually.其实什么都没发现Should he be saying that? 他可以说这话吗Uh, probably not. 应该不可以。

莱纳德看我的Hey, Leonard, check this out.莱纳德她又来了Leonard, she's doing it again.我觉得你调戏食物会让谢尔顿郁闷I think it upsets Sheldon when you play with the food. 不应该是她从碗里随便拿起食物No. It upsets Sheldon when she willy-nilly takes it而不顾还要平均分配的问题时from the containers without regard让谢尔顿很郁闷for its equitable distribution.这就是印度有饥荒的根本原因This is essentially why you have famine in India.你要我吐回去吗You want me to put it back?莱纳德Leonard.当你调戏谢尔顿时会让谢尔顿郁闷It upsets Sheldon when you play with the Sheldon.怎么样啊我亲爱的呆瓜们What's up, my nerdizzles?拉杰谢尔顿Raj, Sheldon,我想将我的女朋友伯纳黛特引见与你们I want you to meet my girlfriend Bernadette. 你好莱纳德佩妮Hello. Leonard, Penny,你们认识我的女友伯纳黛特的you know my girlfriend Bernadette.-嗯-嗨- Yeah. - Hey.伯纳黛特跟呆瓜们说绝对的Bernadette, say fo'shizzle to my nerdizzles. 我不能这么说I don't think I can.我没有霍华德那种街头痞子风I don't have Howard's street cred.我希望这没造成问题I hope it's all right--我跟我的女朋友伯纳黛特说I told my girlfriend Bernadette她可以跟我们共进晚餐she could join us for dinner.当然可以人多乐趣多Sure. The more, the merrier.不对这是个错误的对等关系Wa-- no, that's a false equivalency.人多不等于乐趣多More does not equal merry.如果这公寓里现在有两千人If there were 2,000 people in this apartment right now, 那我们会很开心吗不我们会窒息而死would we be celebrating? No, we'd be suffocating.-谢尔顿-别郁闷我- Sheldon... - Don't "Sheldon" me.我们定的是五人份不是六人We ordered for five people, not six.来不没事儿的Oh, come on, it's fine.我们全部摊在桌上分享就好就像家庭聚餐式的We'll just put it all on the table, you know, family style. 噢那是当我们家庭聚餐时Oh, sure. And while we're at it,为什么不把手背到背后why don't we put our hands behind our backs,来个老式的进食大赛呢have an old-fashioned eating contest?放轻松没事儿的Relax, it'll be fine.做吧你们Sit down, you guys.别别别No! No! No!怎么了What?!对了你不能坐那儿Oh, yeah, you can't sit there.为什么不能Why not?那是谢尔顿的专属座位That's where Sheldon sits.他不能坐其他地方吗He can't sit somewhere else?不不不你看啊在冬天呢No, no, no-- you see, in the winter,这个座位与暖气片的距离足够让他保持温暖that seat is close enough to the radiator so that he's warm,但又不会太近以至于出汗yet not so close that he sweats.而在夏天这个位置又正好处在In the summer, it's directly in the path of由这个和那个窗口之间对流所产生的微风之中a cross-breeze created by opening windows there and there. 这儿的角度并不是直接面朝电视It faces the television at an angle that isn't direct,所以他还能跟所有人交谈so he can still talk to everybody,同时又不会太偏导致画面失真yet not so wide that the picture looks distorted.看来你还是有那么点指望的嘛Perhaps there's hope for you after all.喔我喜欢你的鞋子Ooh, I love your shoes.谢谢Oh, thanks.很可爱不是吗They are cute, aren't they?-你在哪儿买到的-实惠鞋店- Where'd you get them? - Shoes for Less.我正有此意要去那儿I've been meaning to go over there. 东西很多价格也便宜Oh, great selection, great prices.我娘说的对确实有地狱My mother was right. Hell is real. 别这样谢尔顿Come on, Sheldon.让妇女们聊吧Let the womenfolk chat.妇女Womenfolk?少女Gals?妞儿Chicks?有子宫的美国人Utero-Americans?吃你的饭吧Just eat your dinner.别太跟他较真儿Don't take him too seriously.他说的很多话本是故意为了幽默一下的A lot of what he says is intended as humor.是啊但我一点也不觉得有趣Yeah, well, I don't think it's very funny.我也是但是我一笑他就灿烂了Me neither, but he just lights up when I laugh. 霍华德不能让她跑了Howard, never let her go.莱纳德霍华德说你正在进行So, Leonard, Howard says you're working on 一些量子力学的基本测试fundamental tests of quantum mechanics.没错I am.你对物理感兴趣吗Are you interested in physics?我觉得很很吸引人Oh, I find it fascinating.如果我没有选择微生物学的话If I hadn't gone into microbiology,我也许就会进军物理了I probably would have gone into physics.或者冰舞Or ice dancing.事实上我对于阿哈伦诺夫-博姆的Actually, my tests of the Aharonov-Bohm量子干涉效应实验已经到达了一个很有趣的阶段quantum interference effect have reached an interesting point. 现在我们正在测试基于电势的Right now, we're testing the phase shift相位偏移due to an electric potential.真是太棒了That's amazing.那是莱纳德的工作几乎就跟Yes. Leonard's work is nearly as amazing三年级小学生用湿毛巾种青豆一样棒as third graders growing lima beans in wet paper towels.虽然我很欣赏你的"喔又损人了"While I appreciate the "Oh, snap,"但你那温湿的口气飘进我的耳中令我很不舒服I'm uncomfortable having your moist breath in my ear.你会用Are you going to try穿隧结合来设定电压吗to set up the voltages using tunnel junctions? 是的Yes, I am.你要看我笔记本上的模拟情况吗You want to see a simulation on my laptop? 好啊给我看看Oh, yeah, show me.在微生物学中我做过的最激动人心的事情In microbiology, the most exciting thing也就是跟酵母玩玩I get to work with is yeast.霍华德Howard?怎么了Yeah?你的鞋子真漂亮Your shoes are delightful.你在哪儿买的Where did you get them?什么What?逗你玩儿我才不关心呢Bazinga. I don't care.哈吃灰吧你Ha! Eat my dust,万年不变的古板水管工racially stereotypical plumber.这不公平That's not fair.我被一棵树卡住了I got stuck behind a tree.外加一只母牛和企鹅And a cow and a penguin.认了吧兄弟Face it, dude,不管是现实的车还是虚拟的卡通车whether it's a real car or a virtual cartoon car,你都不能驾驭you can't drive.只需要点练习而已Just need a little more practice.你需要的是金手指驾驶技巧和一盏神灯What you need is cheat codes, motor skills and a magic genie来帮马里奥赛车小废柴实现愿望who grants wishes to little boys who suck at Mario Kart. 谢尔顿我能跟你说两句话吗Hey, Sheldon, can I talk to you for a second?这跟鞋没关系对吧It's not about shoes, is it?我不想再聊鞋子了I don't think I could go through that again.跟鞋子无关It's not about shoes.那就说吧Then speak.我们能私下谈吗Um, actually, can we do it in private?好吧All right.走开Go away.我知道很无礼但她要私下谈I agree, it's rude, but she asked for privacy.谢谢拉杰Thanks, Raj.事情是这样的Okay, so here's the thing:我想请你教我一点物理学I was wondering if you could maybe teach me a little physics? 一点物理学A little physics?没有这个说法There's no such thing.物理学包含整个宇宙Physics encompasses the entire universe,从量子粒子到超新星from quantum particles to supernovas,从自旋电子到旋转星系from spinning electrons to spinning galaxies.行Yeah, okay, cool.不用说得像广播特别报导一样I don't need the PBS special.只要了解到I just want to know enough能和莱纳德谈他的工作就行so I can talk to Leonard about his job.就像伯纳黛特那样You know, like Bernadette does.干嘛不叫莱纳德教你Why can't Leonard teach you?我想给他个惊喜'Cause I want to surprise him.就不能以其他方式给他惊喜吗Can't you surprise him in some other way?比如你要是打扫一下房间For example, I'm sure he'd be delightfully taken aback 我肯定他又惊又喜if you cleaned your apartment.拜托谢尔顿这对我很重要Come on, Sheldon, this is important to me.佩妮Penny,教你可是艰巨的任务this would be a massive undertaking,我的时间既有限又宝贵呢and my time is both limited and valuable.你整天都坐着玩电子游戏呢You're sitting here playing video games all day.被你说中了Okay, point.你学了哪些基础知识What sort of foundation do you have?学校教过什么科学课吗Did you take any science classes in school?有我做过青蛙的实验Sure. I did the one with the frogs.青蛙的实验The one with the frogs.对其实挺好玩的Yeah, actually, it was pretty cool.很多女生都吐了但我把小青蛙像鹿一样宰了A lot of the girls threw up, but I gutted that thing like a deer. 抱歉佩妮I'm sorry, Penny.恕我无能为力I don't think so.别这样嘛Oh, come on!你这么聪明就当挑战一下A smart guy like you, it'll be a challenge.当成实验来做嘛You can make it like an experiment.有意思Interesting.既然别人能教I suppose if someone could teach sign language KoKo大猩猩学手语to KoKo the gorilla...我也能教你基本物理学I could teach you some rudimentary physics.太好了Great!虽然有点侮辱人但很好It's a little insulting, but great.我就做KoKo吧I'll be KoKo.不见得吧Not likely.KoKo学会了超过两千个单词KoKo learned to understand over 2,000 words, 没有一个跟鞋子有关呢not one of which had anything to do with shoes.Hey, fellas.这是在下的女友伯纳黛特This is my girlfriend Bernadette.在下的女友伯纳黛特My girlfriend Bernadette.他们都是谁Who are all those people?不知道Have no idea.好啊莱纳德Hey, Leonard.好瞧瞧Hi. Hey, look,这不是霍华德的女友伯纳黛特嘛it's Howard and his girlfriend Bernadette.带这位小美人逛逛这老盐矿Thought I'd give the little woman a tour of the old salt mines. 他说的不是盐矿He doesn't mean salt mines.他说的是工作地点He means where he works.Yeah, no, I got it.你的实验进展如何So, how's your experiment going?很顺利Ah, terrific.我们正在准备电子加速器We're getting the electron accelerator set up. 后天就能准备好We should be ready to go day after tomorrow. 真想见识一下Boy, I'd love to see that.欢迎你来You're welcome to come.真的吗太好了Really? Oh, that'd be great.多兴奋啊How exciting is that?简直就像七月过光明节一样Like Hanukkah in July.七月有光明节吗Do they have that?No.又被你糊弄了You got me again.这不是脱脂酸奶This isn't non-fat yogurt.简直全是脂肪This is fatty fat fat.失陪一下Excuse me.心肝儿能帮我拿张餐巾吗Could you grab me another napkin, sweetie? -当然可以-谢谢宝贝- Sure. - Thanks, honey.说你打什么如意算盘All right, what is your deal?你说什么Excuse me?邀请我女朋友Inviting my girlfriend去看你的电子加速器to come see your electron accelerator?Yeah? So?你真有两下子You really are a piece of work.舞会皇后It's not enough被你弄到手还不满意you get the prom queen, you have to get你还想抢走陪衬头牌呢the head of the decorating committee, too? 你在说什么呢What are you talking about?别跟我装无辜Don't play innocent with me.用神奇实验设备勾引女人I practically invented这招是我发明的using fancy lab equipment to seduce women. 成功过吗Has it ever worked?目前没有重点不是这个Not so far, but that's not the point!霍华德别紧张Howard, relax.我对你女朋友没兴趣I'm not interested in your girlfriend.最好如此I hope not.你不会想跟我瞎搅和Because you don't want to mess with me. 我可是疯子I'm crazy.我相信你I believe you.实验日志第一篇Research journal, entry one.我准备开展I'm about to embark on one of科学生涯中的巨大挑战之一the great challenges of my scientific career: 教佩妮物理学teaching Penny physics.我称之为大猩猩工程I'm calling it Project Gorilla.好啊谢尔顿Hey, Sheldon.请进坐吧Come in. T ake a seat.实验目标已到Subject has arrived.我亲切地欢迎她I've extended a friendly casual greeting.准备好开始了吗Ready to get started?稍等One moment.目标气色很好也很热情Subject appears well-rested and enthusiastic. 显然无知是福Apparently, ignorance is bliss.好吧我们开始All right, let us begin.你的笔记本呢Where's your notebook?我没笔记本Um, I don't have one.那你咋记笔记How are you going to take notes without a notebook? 还得记笔记吗I have to take notes?不然你怎么考试How else are you gonna study for the tests?最好还要考试吗There's gonna be a test?可不止一次考试Test-sss.给Here.这是大学规定It's college-ruled.希望没吓着你I hope that's not too intimidating.多谢你的体贴Thank you.不客气You're welcome.现在开始讲物理学入门Now, Introduction to Physics.什么是物理What is physics?物理这个词来源于古希腊语中的"physika"Physics comes from the ancient Greek word "physika."你该记笔记了It's at this point that you'll want to start taking notes. "Physika"是指自然科学"Physika" means the science of natural things.而就在那遥远的古希腊我们的旅程开始了And it is there, in ancient Greece, that our story begins.-靠古希腊-嘘- Ancient Greece?! - Hush.有问题先举手If you have questions, raise your hand.那是在大约公元前600年的一个仲夏夜It's a warm summer evening, circa 600 BC.当你从集市[古希腊圣贤集会所]购物归来You've finished your shopping at the local market, or Agora... 抬头仰望夜空...And you look up at the night sky.突然你发现星星在游弋There you notice some of the stars seem to move,于是你将他们命名为"行星"或"漫游者"So you name them "planetes," or "wanderer".佩妮同学有问题吗Yes, Penny?这和莱纳德的研究有什么关系Um, does this have anything to do with Leonard's work? 这是一个历时2600年的旅程This is the beginning of a 2,600-year journey我们慢慢讲不急We're going to take together追溯到古希腊From the ancient Greeks从艾萨克·牛顿到尼尔斯·玻尔[原子理论和量子力学的创始人] Through Isaac Newton to Niels Bohr再到埃尔文·薛定谔[创立波动力学]To Erwin Schrodinger再到荷兰研究学派To the Dutch researchers莱纳德近来就在重复他们的研究呢That Leonard is currently ripping off.居然有2600年2,600 years?没错可能有些许误差Yeah, give or take.正如我之前所说在那遥远的古希腊As I was saying, it's a warm summer evening 一个氤氲的仲夏夜In ancient Greece...怎么了佩妮同学Yes, Penny?我要去洗手间I have to go to the bathroom.你就不能憋一下吗Can't you hold it?我可憋不了2600年Not for 2,600 years.大猩猩实验日志2Project Gorilla, entry two.我被榨干了I am exhausted.-霍华德-怎么- Howard? - Huh?这个要从前面解开的It unhooks in the front.难怪啊Oh, that explains a lot.霍华德我回来了Howard, I'm home!整栋楼都听到了Of course.老年健身取消了Senior fitness was cancelled.我发现原来还真会忘了怎么骑车It turns out you can forget how to ride a bike.我是没啥但山姆·哈普蒂安摔了个嘴啃泥I'm fine, but, oy, did Sam Harpootian eat gravel. 太棒了娘That's great, Ma!80多的亚美尼亚老人摔断了半边下巴What's great about an 80-year-old Armenian man 有什么可棒的With half his chin scraped off?!我想我得走了I guess I should go.不别动No, no, don't move.娘晚饭我想吃炖羊肉Hey, Ma, can I have lamb stew for dinner?炖羊肉那我还得去超市买Lamb stew? I'd have to go to the supermarket. 帮帮忙啦Please?我真的很想吃嘛I got a real hankering.噢我最疼我家小屁脸宝贝了Oh, I can't say no to my little tushy face.我很快回来I'll be back soon.多谢啦娘Thanks, Ma.你要家常豌豆还是拉素豌豆[豌豆的一种]Do you want the regular peas or the Le Seur? 平时不都是加拉素豌豆的吗Always Le Seur peas with lamb stew!好吧你总是说得有理You're right! When you're right, you're right! 如果拉素豌豆卖完了咋办What if they're out of the Le Seur?那就买家常的啊Then get the regular!好吧你别冲我吼啊All right! You don't have to yell!抱歉Sorry about that.我来调成震动Let me just put that on vibrate.我早就调好啦I'm already on vibrate.这个我可听懂了You know, that one I got.霍华德你和莱纳德说起我什么了吗Howard, did you say something to Leonard about me? 什么意思Uh, what do you mean?他说我要是明天去看他的实验He says if I go see his experiment tomorrow可能你会感觉不好It might weird you out.是吗他这样说吗Really? He said that?你不是在吃莱纳德的醋吧You're not jealous of Leonard, are you?我才没有呢Me? No.我只是说在没和别人商量的情况下I may have mentioned that it's a little inappropriate邀请别人的女友去看他的实验To be asking another man's girlfriend to his experiment这样有点不太合适Without first discussing it with said man.你的意思是我和莱纳德一起还要经过同意Are you saying I need to ask your permission to hang out with Leonard? 我可没这么说I didn't say anything like that.我是说莱纳德必须经过我同意I said Leonard has to ask my permission.拜托我可不想和我娘共进炖羊肉啊Come on, I don't want to eat lamb stew with my mother.可恶我差点就解开bra了Damn, I was this close on the bra.记住牛顿发现亚里士多德的理论是错的Now, remember, Newton realized that Aristotle was wrong运动不需要靠力来维持And force was not necessary to maintain motion.所以加上a = 9.8平方米每秒So let's plug in our 9.8 meters per second squared我们能得到As "A" and we get万有引力乘以质量Force-- Earth gravity- equals mass times 9.8 meters等于9.8米每秒的平方Per second per second.从而得到ma = mgSo we can see that "ma" equals "mg"我们可以推算出什么And what do we know from this?我们能推算出Uh, we know that...牛顿真是个聪明绝顶的小甜饼...Newton was a really smart cookie.哇所以才有了牛顿打滚吗[一种点心很像驴打滚]Oh! Is that where Fig Newtons come from?不牛顿打滚得名于马萨诸塞州的一个小镇No, Fig Newtons are named after a small town in Massachusetts.-别光顾着记这个啊-抱歉- Don't write that down! - Sorry.好如果ma = mg 我们可以推算出什么Now, if "ma" equals "mg," what does that imply?我不知道I don't know.你怎么可以不知道How can you not know?我都告诉你了啊I just told you.你最近脑子被敲过了吗Have you suffered a recent blow to the head?你这也太刻薄了吧Hey! You don't have to be so mean!抱歉I'm sorry.你最近脑子被敲过了吗Have you suffered a recent blow to the head?-你这个老师真是烂透了-是吗- No, you just suck at teaching. - Really?你觉得这两种解释哪个更靠谱点呢Of those two explanations, which one seems the most likely?天哪Oh, God...谢尔顿我也很想听懂Sheldon, I'm trying to understand,但你说得太快了but you're going too fast.能不能倒回去一点Can you just back up a little bit?好吧All right.在那个古希腊的仲夏夜It's a warm summer evening in ancient Greece... 别倒回那么多Not that far back!好吧Okay!你到底哪点开始听不懂的At what point did you begin to feel lost?我不知道I don't know.我们抬头仰望星空是在哪里Where were we looking up at the night sky?-希腊-见鬼- Greece. - Damn it!用不着灰心There's no need to get frustrated.总有人学得快有人学得慢People learn at different rates.不像漂浮在真空中的物体在那里Unlike objects falling in a vacuum, which...? ma=mg"ma" equals "mg"...?平方?Squared?不对No.亚里斯多德Aristotle?不对No.等于五Five?那我不知道了Then I don't know.你哭什么Why are you crying?我哭我自己蠢啊Because I'm stupid!那也没理由哭啊That's no reason to cry.人只有悲伤的时候才该哭One cries because one is sad.比如说其他人都太蠢我感到悲伤For example, I cry because others are stupid所以我才哭and it makes me sad.好了能不能先不扯这些题外话Okay, can we just please forget about all this extra stuff 就告诉我莱纳德平常在做的那些and can you just tell me what Leonard does?好吧All right.莱纳德正致力于研究出为何亚原子粒子Leonard is attempting to learn why sub-atomic particles 会像现在这样运动move the way they do.真的就这样Really? That's it?这听起来并不是很复杂嘛Well, that doesn't sound so complicated.是不复杂It's not.所以莱纳德才干这个That's why Leonard does it.我只有一个问题Okay, I just have one question.亚原子粒子到底是什么What exactly are sub-atomic particles?问得好A good question.谢谢Thank you.要回答这个问题我们首先必须自问And to answer it, we first must ask ourselves: 物理是什么"What is physics?"又绕回来了Oh, balls.在那个古希腊的仲夏夜It's a warm summer evening in ancient Greece...我有事要找你算账Okay, I got a bone to pick with you.这回我又怎么了What did I do now?我和伯纳黛特正要做爱做的事被你的短信搅了I was in bed with Bernadette, and you text-blocked me.什么What?!我们都脱光光了正要水乳交融的时候...We were completely naked, about to devour each other when,你发短信告诉她我对她跟你出来有意见you text her that I have a problem with her hanging out with you. 你确实对她跟我出来有意见You do have a problem with her hanging out with me.对但你不该对她说的Yeah, but that's not what you tell her.那我该跟她怎么说What was I supposed to tell her?我不知道说些别让我显得I don't know. Something that doesn't make me come off猥琐又吃醋的脑残的话as a petty, jealous douche.那该怎么说才好And what would that be?拜托我得帮你想好一切吗Come on, do I have to think of everything? 你好莱纳德Hey, Leonard.我来太晚了吗还能看实验不Am I too late to see the experiment?你来这干嘛What are you doing here?跟你一样Same thing you're doing here.来看莱纳德的实验I came to see Leonard's experiment.才怪No, you didn't.你说过莱纳德的实验很蠢You said Leonard's experiment was stupid. 你跟她说我的实验很蠢You told her my experiment was stupid?我只是复述谢尔顿的话I was just repeating what Sheldon said.我们别再转移话题了吧Let's not get off topic.伯纳黛特我得跟你道歉Bernadette, I need to apologize.我错了不该对你跟谁交友指手划脚的I was wrong to tell you who you should be friends with. 我该留你们俩独处吗Should I, um, leave you two alone?不用莱纳德你也该听听No, Leonard, you should hear this.好反正我也没想走Okay, good, 'cause I wasn't really gonna go.我知道我看上去自信满满老于世故但Look, I know I come off as confident and worldly, but... 其实我并不是这样的the truth is I'm not.好雷人We're shocked.所以我容易感到受到其他人的威胁Which is why I tend to feel threatened by other guys.或噪音或围观群众Or loud noises, clowns and nuns.但我已经知道这样做有多蠢But I now realize how foolish that is.他有次就因为头卡在毛衣里He had a panic attack once就恐慌了when he got his head stuck in a sweater.那可是件高领套头毛衣It was a full turtleneck.你为什么不帮帮我Why aren't you helping me?我不知道I don't know.也许因为我疯了Maybe because I'm... crazy?!伯纳黛特求你再给我一次机会吧Bernadette, please, I'm asking you to give me another chance. 你怎么想莱纳德What do you think, Leonard?我该再给他一次机会吗Should I give him another chance?你自己做主It's up to you.反正他也没说你的实验蠢He didn't call your experiment stupid.过来吧屁屁脸Come here, tushy face.屁屁脸"Tushy face."这话一定得立马推上微博That is going on Twitter right now.拉杰你真该去看看莱纳德的实验Raj, you should've seen Leonard's experiment. 电子束发射后产生的干涉图样The interference pattern was so cool实在太酷了when the electron beam was on.很高兴你喜欢Glad you enjoyed it.多数人对我的工作都不那么感兴趣Most people aren't that interested in what I do. 莱纳德其实你这么说不对Actually, that's not true, Leonard.事实上最近我一直在琢磨In fact, recently I've been thinking that考虑到你实验中的各项参数given the parameters of your experiment,通过你那纳米级装备的螺线管the transport of electrons through the aperture所进行的电子干涉实验of the nano-fabricated metal rings is qualitatively no different 跟荷兰已成功进行的实验没有任何不同than the experiment already conducted in the Netherlands. 他们通过螺线管干涉电子Their observed phase shift观测到的周相移动in the diffusing electrons inside the metal ring已成功地用电子模拟的形式证明了already conclusively demonstrated the electric analogue阿哈罗诺夫-玻姆的量子干涉效应of the Aharonov-Bohm quantum-interference effect.就这样我也就知道这些That's it. That's all I know.等等还有Oh, wait...!"牛顿打滚"是以马萨诸塞一城市命名的Fig Newtons were named after a town in Massachusetts, 而不是那科学家not the scientist.。

[《星球大战V》主题曲]"The Imperial March"您能行行好把衬衫给关了吗Would you please turn your shirt off?那怎么行What?我的闪亮出场需要恢宏的背景音乐I'm giving myself dramatic entrance music.这样人们才会崇拜并畏惧我People will know I'm awesome and to be feared.确实Right.世上最惊悚的事莫过于There's nothing more awesome and frightening than a man 有音乐从一个男人的咪咪间喷薄而出who's got music blasting from between his nipples.斯图亚特忙啥呢Hey,Stuart,what's going on?你可能需要在谷歌日历上记下了Well,you might want to mark your Google calendars.斯坦·李周四来这里开签名会Stan Lee is coming to do a signing on Thursday.他的自传出续集了吗Did he finally write a sequel to his autobiography?我就知道80来岁的人照样老当益壮I'm sure ages79through87were just action-packed.没就是普通的漫画签名罢了No,just a regular comic signing.我叔叔是他的皮肤科医生My uncle is his dermatologist斯坦·李因此卖个面子给他and Stan's doing him a favor.你告诉我这些干嘛啊你Oh,I don't want to know that!这下好了我怎么可能一边和斯坦·李讨论How can I possibly discuss with Stan Lee用银质冲浪板the scientific foundations for interstellar flight来星际飞行的科学依据on a silver surfboard一边逐行扫描他的脸when part of my brain will be scanning his face以寻找皮肤传染病的蛛丝马迹for signs of contagious skin disease?斯坦·李没有皮肤传染病Stan Lee does not have a contagious skin disease.一边去你又不是斯图亚特的叔叔Well,look who thinks he's Stuart's uncle now.难以置信我们要见到斯坦·李了Can't believe it.We're going to meet Stan Lee![《变形金刚》中大黄蜂播放过的歌曲]"I'm So Excited"我错了我不该教他跳这舞的I'm sad to say I taught him those moves.我实在无法取舍I can't decicide究竟让斯坦·李把名字签在whether I want Stan Lee to autograph托尔第一次出场的《神秘之旅》83期上my Journey into Mystery83,first appearance of Thor还是签在《神奇四侠》第五本上or my Fantastic Four number five,死亡博士的处女秀first appearance of Dr.Doom.[Jeopardy智力竞赛节目思考时的音乐节目的主题曲] (Jeopardy theme song playing)阿莱克斯(Jeopardy的主持)我选的答案是Alex,I'm going to go with what is...你是个傻帽you're a dumbass?我决定让斯坦·李把名签在I've decided I'm going to have Mr.Lee sign my copy这个月的《蝙蝠侠》上of this month's Batman.有病吧你That's crazy.蝙蝠侠又不是斯坦·李的作品[竞争对手]Stan Lee had nothing to do with Batman.对啊所以其他人不会让他签这个Yes,which is why no one else will ask him to sign one,于是我就会拥有一件and I will be the possessor of虽然怪异但独一无二的稀世珍宝a unique,albeit confusing,artifact,我从此就和那群芸芸which will set me apart漫画迷不再是一个级别的了from hoi polloi of comic book fandom.这点子不错That's a great idea.我也让他签《蝙蝠侠》去I'm going to get him to sign a Batman as well.你对独一无二这个词很难理解么What is it about the word"unique"you don't understand?靠手被纸片划破了Damn,paper cut.被纸割伤最痛苦了Nothing worse than a paper cut.你忘了割礼吧[犹太儿童切除包皮的仪式]Well,obviously you don't remember your circumcision.上面抽屉里有新孢霉素和创口贴There's Neosporin and Band-Aids in my top desk drawer.这些东西不是该放在卫生间里吗Why don't you keep that stuff in the bathroom?卫生间里有还有厨房里He does.And in the kitchen.还有车里再加上他口袋里And in the car.And in his pocket.没错但我口袋里的可不给别人用Yeah,but the ones in my pocket are mine.-嗨-嘿-Hi!-Hey.猜猜看Guess who's going to be周四谁会去漫画店at the comic bookstore on Thursday?呃给点提示吧Um...can you give me a hint?斯坦·李Stan Lee.噢斯坦利Um...Stanley...斯坦利·图奇?[著名演员]Stanley...Stanley Tucci?不是No.是斯坦·李No,Stan...Lee.哦斯坦·李嘛Oh,oh,Stan Lee!不错嘛Cool!你根本不知道他是谁吧You have no idea who he is,do you?谁说的我当然知道Of course I do.你是我生命中的重要的一部分You're an important part of my life我自然会爱屋及乌啦and I pay attention to the things you are interested in.是嘛好啊Oh,good.好极了Good.那你说说斯坦·李是谁So,who's Stan Lee?星际迷航里的Um...he was on Star Trek.猜错了Nope.-那就星球大战-又错-Star Wars?-No.呃斯坦·李Um...uh,Stan Lee.我知道了Ooh,he was in those是你喜欢的傻帽功夫片里的goofy kung fu movies you love so much?那是李小龙That's Bruce Lee.啊哦Oh.那这是小龙的书呆子哥哥斯坦?So,is this Bruce Lee's nerdy brother,Stan?谢尔顿你抽屉怎么有那么多Sheldon,why do you have all these unopened没拆封的薪水支票paychecks in your desk?因为我想买的东西Because most of the things I'm planning to buy市面上基本上都没有haven't been invented yet.这儿得有好几千块了吧There-there must be thousands of dollars here.你干嘛不存银行里Why don't you put it in the bank?鬼才相信银行I don't trust banks.我坚信如果有一天机器人奋起反抗了I believe that when the robots rise up,自动取款机肯定是起义军领袖ATMs will lead the charge.这儿还有一封You've also got something帕萨迪纳市法院寄来的东西from the Pasadena Municipal Court.肯定又是回信来鄙视我Undoubtedly another snide response之前寄去的几封信里to my repeated letters complaining投诉了法院门口的旗子that the flags in front of the courthouse次序是错误的are flying in the wrong order.按照从左到右的顺序From left to right,it's supposed to be应该先是联邦旗州旗federal,state,最后才轮到帕萨迪纳市旗and then city of Pasadena.打断一下你为此寄了好几封信过去I'm sorry.You sent more than one letter about that?它们看着太碍眼了It bothers me.谢尔顿这是封传票Sheldon,this is a summons.什么的传票A summons for what?信上说你在玛格大道闯了红灯Looks like you ran a red light M Margo Avenue时间是11月16号晚上9点半at9:30p.m.on November16.你被路边的摄像头拍下来了They got you on a traffic camera.挺上镜嘛Nice picture.11月16号November16?佩妮那不就是你在浴缸里摔倒Penny,that's the evening you fell in your bathtub然后我不得不带你去看急诊的那晚吗and I had to drive you to the emergency room.不是No,it isn't.就是Yes,it is.就不是No,it isn't.佩妮我记得很清楚Penny,I have an eidetic memory.而且摄像头也拍下了你在副驾驶位置上Also,that's a picture of you in the passenger seat托着你那脱臼的肩膀holding your dislocated shoulder.才不是呢Mmm,no,it isn't.好吧那为啥传票上违反交规的Okay,then why is a summons for a traffic violation是你的车而且挂着你的车牌committed in your car,bearing your license plates,却寄来我这儿了coming to me?好吧他们给我发了传票Okay,look,they sent me the ticket.我告诉他们当时并不是我开的车I told them I wasn't driving然后他们逼问我"除了你还有谁"and they were all,"If it wasn't you,who was it?"于是你就把我出卖了So you betrayed me?才没有No!这哪是出卖It wasn't a betrayal.我只不过表示"我的驾照已经没分好扣了"It was more of a"I can't afford any more points on my license."我已经不得不I already have to buy my insurance去开曼群岛上买车险了from this place in the Cayman Islands.但我之所以开你的车还不是因为But the only reason I was driving your car你当时可怜兮兮的我才伸出援手was because you were in distress and I was rescuing you.是啊是啊你看现在你有张照片记录英勇的一天Yea yea.Look at you.you have a photo to remember that heroic day.没什么大不了的It's not that big a deal.你只要周四去法院You just go down to the court on Thursday交罚金就行and you pay the fine.我才不去交罚金I'm not going to pay a fine.那就说明我有罪That would imply I'm guilty.你确实有罪You are guilty.[《法律与秩序》的主题曲]这个我喜欢That one I liked.我是无罪的I am not guilty.我只有实习驾照I only have a learner's permit.佩妮教我的Penny was the teacher.转黄灯时她就说"快快快"When the light turned yellow she said"Go,go,go."于是我就"开开开"So I went,went,went.谢尔顿对不起Sheldon,I'm sorry.我会还你罚金的钱I'll be happy to reimburse you for the fine.只要我能参演一部电影You know,as soon as I get a part in a movie或者自己拍个电视剧or my own TV series.不用你还因为我不会交的You don't need to reimburse me because I'm not paying.周四那天我会去法院On Thursday,I will have my day in court正义会得到伸张and justice will be done.我现在就着手准备辩护In fact,I'm going to begin preparing my defense right now.他坐定牢了Okay,he's going to jail.对哦Oh,that's right.周四是斯坦·李签名日Thursday is Stan Lee Day.看到你做的好事了吧Now you see what you've done?就因为你我们都见不到斯坦·李了Because of you,we're all going to miss Stan Lee.你说"都"是什么意思What do you mean"all?"你们是我朋友啊Well,you're my friends.你们要站在我旁边支持我You'll be standing by my side,supporting me,为我提供案例feeding me legal precedents,你们上身要是够壮and if you had the upper body strength,我胜诉时可以把我搁肩膀上扛出去carrying me out on your shoulders when I'm victorious.这个嘛不行Yeah,okay.No.你是说我为自己辩护时Are you saying that you will not stand beside me你不会来站在我身边吗as I plead my case?是这个意思That's what I'm saying.霍华德Howard?斯坦·李法庭上的你Uh,Stan Lee,or you in court.要是《苏菲的选择》有这么简单Uh,if this was Sophie's Choice电影就不会那么长了不行it would've been a much shorter movie.No.拉杰Raj?你会来吧You'll be there,won't you?那好吧All right,then.我所谓的朋友都抛弃了我My so-called friends have forsaken me.看来只剩我和目击证人了So,I guess it'll just be me and my eyewitness.晕死Oh,balls.请着装得体一点Please try to wear something appropriate.要是法官只顾着想It won't help my case你屁股上'美味多汁'的意思if the judge is busy trying to read the word"Juicy"对我的案子没好处scrawled across your buttocks.佩妮Penny.佩妮Penny.佩妮Penny.节奏不对That's just wrong.好了走吧All right,let's go.等一下Wait,hold on.去法院之前Before we get to the courthouse,我想看一下你的演技I'd like to call on your skills as an actress.这是什么What is this?我冒昧地I've taken the liberty为你起草了出庭作证的剧本of scripting your appearance on the witness stand面对现实你有点我行我素because,let's face it,you're somewhat of a loose cannon.别担心都是用你的方言写的{\c it's written in your vernacular.我们排练一下如何So shall we rehearse?我有得选吗Do I have a choice?你当然有选择权Well,of course you have a choice.虽然我们生活在宿命里Although we live in a deterministic universe,但每个人都有自由选择的权力each individual has free will.给我坐下Now,sit down.请你回忆下I call your attention11月16日发生的事to the events of November16.你记得那天吗Do you remember that date?废话我记得"Darn tootin',I do.请法官原谅我家乡内布拉斯加"If the court will excuse my homespun,粗俗简朴的语言corn-fed Nebraskan turn of phrase."很好继续Excellent.Go on.我记得那天"The reason that date is,like,而且铭记在我的脑子里"so totally fixed in my memory是因为我有幸目睹了"is that I had the privilege to be witness毕生从未见过的英勇行为to one of the most heroic acts I've ever seen in,like,ever."谁的英勇行为"And who performed that heroic act?"您的啊阁下"Why,you did,sir.您谢尔顿·库珀博士"You.Dr.Sheldon Cooper.而且我想说我很荣幸认识您And may I add,it is a privilege to know you."不必称赞我"There's no need for compliments.法庭只看重事实This court is only interested in the facts."但感觉很荣幸能认识您啊也是个事实啊"But it is a fact that it's a privilege to know you.真的Totally."一滴泪从我面颊流下A teardrop rolls down my cheek?!纯属建议Only a suggestion.喉咙哽咽一下也可以A catch in your throat would work just as well.但我感觉"But it is a fact很荣幸能认识您啊也是个事实啊"that it's a privilege to know you.真的Totally."你还是穿"美味多汁"的裤子吧Maybe you should put on your"Juicy"pants again.去交罚金Pay the cashier.谢尔顿·库珀Sheldon Cooper.早上好法官大人Good morning,Your Honor.我是谢尔顿·库珀博士Dr.Sheldon Cooper自我辩护appearing in pro se.也就是说代表我自己That is to say,representing himself.我知道什么意思I know what it means.我读过法律学校I went to law school.结果却在审理交通法庭And yet you wound up in traffic court.不管怎样Anyway,法官允许的话if it would please the court,我想做个开庭陈述I'd like to begin with an opening statement.法官会建议你简短点The court would advise you to make it quick,因为法官早上吃了可能馊了的玉米煎饼as the court had a dicey-looking breakfast burrito this morning 而且刚吃了易蒙停(止泻药)and just took an Imodium.快速的开场陈述A quick opening statement.如同一个挤奶凳Like a milking stool,本案有三个my case rests on立足点three legs.我要论证的是I will demonstrate我在驾驶过程中受到一个女人的误导that I was improperly instructed in driving这个女人缺乏社会上by a woman whose lack of respect for society 对反社会界定的基本认识borders on the sociopathic.我要争辩的是I will argue紧急情况下的法律原理that the emergency met the legal doctrine是需要即合法[拉丁文]of quod est necessarium est licitum--也就是需要即合法that which is necessary is legal.但首先But first,我要提出第六条修正案[美国权利法案]I will raise a Sixth Amendment issue.我无法与控方对峙I'm unable to confront my accuser,因为控方是一台非人类机器a non-human entity,to wit,也就是摄像机a camera.所以综上所述So,to sum up:错误指导{\c加上"需要即合法"的原理{\c还有第六条修正案Sixth Amendment.我的挤奶凳辨述完毕My milk stool is complete.佩服佩服Impressive.谢谢Thank you.罪名成立Guilty.去付钱吧Pay the cashier.我反对I object.你这是在无视法律You're completely ignoring the law.不我遵守法律No,I'm following the law.只是在无视你I'm ignoring you.是吗Really?提醒你一下我可是业内顶尖人士I would point out that I am at the top of my profession,你却坐在桌子后面过家家while you preside over the kiddy table of yours.库珀博士我给你个机会为你最后的言论道歉Dr.Cooper,before I find you in contempt不然我要视你为蔑视法庭and throw you in jail,I'm going to give you a chance把你扔进监狱to apologize for that last remark.我可是个科学家I am a scientist.我才不会为陈述事实而道歉I never apologize for the truth.那是我的位置That's my spot.我等不及要问斯坦·李I can't wait to ask Stan Lee为什么他笔下每个角色的姓和名why he insists on giving all his characters first and last names 开头字母都是一样的that start with the same letter.[以下均为惊奇漫画人物]得了你这是何必Oh,come on.Why would you do that?分别出自《绿巨人》和《神奇四侠》布鲁斯·班纳里德·理查Bruce Banner,Reed Richards,分别出自《神奇四侠》和《怪谈故事》后者为惊奇的系列漫画苏珊·斯汤斯蒂芬·史催博士Sue Storm,Stephen Strange,分别出自《蜘蛛侠》和《神奇四侠》奥拓·八爪博士和银影侠Otto Octavius,Silver Surfer,出自《蜘蛛侠》彼得·帕克还有最夸张的Peter Parker,oh,and worst of all,出自《神奇的蜘蛛侠》小约翰·约拿·詹姆森J.Jonah Jameson,Jr.好吧我要插在你前面Okay,I'm cutting.免得斯坦·李被你惹毛了我遭殃I'm not gonna talk to Stan Lee after you cheese him off.《蜘蛛侠》的主题音乐铃声嗨Hey.谢尔顿进了监狱Sheldon's in jail.啥谢尔顿进了监狱?!Sheldon's in jail?!被你说中了You called it.-怎么搞的-你觉得呢-For what?-What do you think?就是他平时一贯的找抽风格For doing the same crap he always does,只不过法官不吃这一套except to a judge.他不道歉就出不来He has to stay in there until he apologizes.那就让他道歉啊So tell him to apologize.多谢提醒莱纳德Oh,gee,thanks,Leonard.你以为我没想过吗That didn't occur to me.如果他五点前还不道歉If he doesn't apologize by5:00,就得在监狱里过夜了he is going to spend the night in jail.哦不真是糟糕Oh,no,that's terrible.哇队伍动了挂了回见Ooh,the line's moving.Got to go.Bye.有人吗Excuse me?狱卒在吗Excuse me,jailor?咋了What?我要上厕所I need to use the restroom.在那边自便Knock yourself out.这算是马桶?That's the toilet?不然你以为是许愿池吗Well,it ain't a wishing well.请转告法官我准备向他道歉Please tell the judge I'm ready to apologize.看啊Look at that."致吾友莱纳德"To my friend,Leonard.惊奇漫画的一个系列后改称Loners独行侠斯坦·李"From Stan Lee,Excelsior!"牛逼Awesome.我上面写的是"致吾友霍华德"Mine says,"To my friend,Howard.独行侠斯坦·李From Stan Lee,Excelsior!"我上面写的是"致拉杰斯坦·李"Mine says,"To Raj,from Stan Lee."因为你纠结他的角色名把他惹毛了That's'cause you pissed him off about his character names.搞毛Hey,前者是惊奇漫画虚拟组织S.H.I.E.L.D成员后者出自《蜘蛛侠》我还没提达姆弹头杜甘和绿魔I didn't even mention Dum Dum Dugan or Green Goblin,分别出自《夜魔侠》和《钢铁侠》马特·默多克和小辣椒波兹Matt Murdock,Pepper Potts,末日博士[出自《神奇四侠》]Victor V on Doom,还有最夸张的oh,and worst of all,惊奇漫画的长篇幽默系列米莉模特Millie the Model.我们回来了We're home.伙计情况如何Oh,hey,buddy.How'd it go?你明明都知道了还问个屁You know very well how it went.是啊但我们想听你亲口说Yeah,but we all want to hear it from you.我被判有罪还被罚了533美元I was found guilty and fined$533.我会写张支票给你I'm going to write you a check for that.只要你答应我藏在抽屉里As long as you promise to put it in your drawer别去兑换就和其他那些东西一样and never cash it,like the others.我还没有驾照I also now have three points但上面已经被扣了三点on a driver's license I do not yet possess,还被迫道了个冤枉歉and I was forced to issue an undeserved apology,只因为我拒绝在一群犯人面前simply because I refuse to urinate就着个不锈钢尿盆排尿in a stainless steel bowl in front of criminals.再加上你错过了和斯坦·李见面Plus,you didn't get to meet Stan Lee.好了别刺激他了霍华德Okay,that's enough,Howard.这可怜虫够难受的了The poor guy's had a tough time.一个下午都待在监狱He had to spend the entire afternoon in jail还穿成这幅德行wearing that suit.说得对You're right,所以我们也别提在亲笔签名后so it would be cruel to mention他带斯图尔特和咱一起去吃了意式冰淇淋that after he finished signing autographs,这就太残酷了Stanley took Stuart and us out for gelato.你们和斯坦·李共进意式冰淇淋?You had gelato with Stan Lee?他还允许我们叫他斯坦He said we could call him Stan.除了拉杰Except for Raj.你这下满意了吧佩妮Well,I hope you're satisfied,Penny.今天我所遭受的磨难You are responsible这全都是你的错for all the evil that has be fallen me today.-好吧我知道...-我还没说完呢-Okay,I realize that...-Not finished.都是因为你It is because of you害得我有了犯罪记录that I now have a criminal record,还因为你害得我and it is because of you that I missed out错过了和斯坦·李共进意式冰淇淋on having gelato with Stan Lee.-好吧也许以后还有机会...-不可能了-Okay,maybe you'll have another chance to have...-No,no.再也没有这种机会和斯坦·李一起共进意式冰淇淋了I will never have another chance to have gelato with Stan Lee 因为这种机会because opportunities to have和斯坦·李一起共进意式冰淇淋一生只有一次gelato with Stan Lee come but once in a lifetime.手起笔落The Moving Finger writes,白纸黑字再难改[出自《鲁拜集》]and having writ,moves on他刚是朝我竖中指了吗Did he just somehow give me the finger?可不只是手指Not just the finger.还挥起了小手The moving finger.你好斯图尔特Hey,Stuart.你好佩妮Oh,hey,Penny.-怎么了-没什么-What's going on?-Nothing.我正准备打烊然后出发I'm just getting ready to close up and...head out.真好晚上有安排Cool.Got any fun plans?对今晚有重大安排Oh,yeah.Big night tonight.跟只猫一起共享金枪鱼罐头Gonna share a can of tuna with the cat.真好Oh,nice.那甚至不是我的猫Not even my cat.我就喂喂它I just feed it.有几晚它甚至都不会出现Some nights it doesn't even show up.好吧Oh,okay.我希望Well,I was hoping,um,你能帮我个忙you could do me a favor.义不容辞说吧Sure,yeah,name it.这次谢尔顿没见上斯坦·李我得负一定责任Well,I'm kind of responsible for Sheldon missing Stan Lee,我真的很想弥补他and I really want to make it up to him.所以希望你能给我他的电话So I was hoping you could give me his phone number也许我能安排他们见个面so maybe I can arrange for them to meet.抱歉我没他电话Oh,I'm sorry,I don't have his phone number.该死Damn.好吧谢了All right.Thank you.等等Wait.我有他地址I have his address.真的Really?太好了Great!但不能告诉你But I can't give it to you.那你为什么要提这茬Then why did you tell me you had it?我不知道这不聊天嘛I don't know.Just chatting.别这样看着我You're looking at a guy我已经可怜到连流浪猫who could very well get stood up都可能放我鸽子by a stray cat tonight.抱歉斯图尔特I'm sorry,Stuart.不管怎样谢了Thanks anyway.等等Wait.怎么了Yeah?不如我们做笔交易Maybe we can make a deal.什么交易What kind of deal?我告诉你地址I will give you the address你就陪我去参加我表妹的婚礼if you go to my cousin's wedding with me.你这是在逼我跟你约会You're extorting a date out of me?我没其他办法I kind of have to.这次要结婚的这个表妹The cousin who's getting married就是以前经常陪我参加别人婚礼的那个is the cousin I usually go to weddings with.我能带上莱纳德吗Can I bring Leonard?当然随便吧Sure.What the hell.成交Deal.告诉别人他是你表哥就行We'll tell people he's your cousin.这是斯坦·李家的大门This is Stan Lee's front door.越过斯坦·李家马路的石头We were on Stan Lee's curb,走过斯坦·李经常走过的路then we were on Stan Lee's walk,终于来到了斯坦·李家大门外and now we're at Stan Lee's front door.对Yup.天哪你按了斯坦·李家门铃Oh,Lord,you just rang Stan Lee's doorbell.就站在斯坦·李家门外At Stan Lee's house.我们就要进去跟斯坦·李共享牛奶和点心We're about to go in and have milk and cookies with Stan Lee.亲爱的我不确定他是否会招待我们点心Okay,sweetie,I don't know if we're gonna have cookies,还是直接问候了事or he's just gonna say hi,还是会怎么着所以让我来跟他谈...or really what's gonna happen,so just let me talk,and...哪位Yeah?你就是斯坦·李吗Are you Stan Lee?见鬼Oh,damn.你好我叫佩妮这位是我朋友谢尔顿Hi.I'm Penny.This is my friend,Sheldon.她现在不是我朋友We're not friends at the moment.鉴于此刻形势Depends on how this goes.好吧总之Right,right.Anyway,谢尔顿是您的超级粉丝他原打算Sheldon here is a huge fan of yours,and he was supposed那天去漫画书店参加您的见面会to meet you the other day at the comic book store,可惜最后进了监狱but he kind of ended up in jail.了解你们真以为I see.And you thought这样不请自来就能随便敲我家门you'd just come over to my house uninvited?你说过我们是受邀来的You said we were invited.不不我只说我邀请你Oh,no,no,I said I'm inviting you跟我一起去斯坦·李家to come with me to Stan Lee's house.你们这些自称粉丝的真是不可思议You know,you fan boys are unbelievable.真以为只要自己高兴随时都能按我家门铃Do you think you can just ring my doorbell any time you want?既然这样干嘛不索性进门来I mean,why don't you just come on in跟我一起看湖人队比赛好了and watch the Lakers game with me?我不是很爱好体育Well,I'm not much of a sports fan,不过感谢邀请but thank you.我很抱歉I'm sorry.他不是很懂什么叫讽刺He doesn't really understand sarcasm.好吧我动点真格的他就会懂了Well,I'll give him something he'll understand.琼妮快报警Joanie,call the police!很高兴见到你Nice to meet you.《神奇四侠》《夜魔侠》Fantastic Four,Daredevil,《无敌钢铁超人》Invincible Iron Man,分别为《钢铁侠》《蜘蛛侠》中角色快乐霍根蜥蜴博士Happy Hogan,Curt Connors...你能不能消停会Would you just let it go?Fin Fang Foom是《钢铁侠》中一条龙的形象还有最糟糕的非凡龙And worst of all,Fin Fang Foom.你去哪了Hey,where've you been?我告诉你们我去哪了I'll tell you where I've been.你们或许跟斯坦·李一起吃了冰激凌You boys may have had gelato with Stan Lee还得了他亲笔签名的漫画and gotten autographed comics,我可是亲自进了他家but I saw the inside of his house还得到了他亲笔签名的禁制令申请状and got an autographed application for a restraining order.赞Sweet.还有我还能再见到他等听证会的时候Plus,I get to hang out with him again at the hearing.下次我还能如法炮制This is going to look great hanging nextLeonard Nimoy史波克扮演者去要伦纳德·尼莫伊签名的禁制令to my restraining order from Leonard Nimoy.。

生活大爆炸各集名称及介绍第一季第1集Pilot (试播集):帮Penny拿电视事件。

第2集The Big Bran Hypothesis (宅女假说): Sheldon帮Penny整理房间事件。

第3集The Fuzzy Boots Corollary (模糊靴推论):Leonard想和Leslie发展感情失败，抑郁，后和Penny约会事件。

第4集The Luminous Fish Effect (发光鱼效应):Sheldon被炒事件。

炒鸡蛋夜光鱼，织布，以及被妈妈带去道歉，然后拿回工作。

（luminous fish）第5集The Hamburger Postulate(汉堡公设): Leonard和Leslie ONS，Sheldon不知所措事件。

第6集The Middle Earth Paradigm(中土范式): 万圣节舞会事件。

（多普勒效应）第7集The Dumpling Paradox(饺子佯谬): Penny朋友和Howard。

penny玩《光环》（XBOX 游戏）。

中餐馆点菜事件。

第8集The Grasshopper Experiment(小人物实验): 鸡尾酒事件。

（Raj相亲/Howard学Raj 印度口音）第9集The Cooper-Hofstadter Polarization(Cooper-Hofstadter 极化): 物理发表会事件。

（意念爆头、远程灯控及四川男生）第10集The Loobenfeld Decay(Loobenfeld衰变): Penny唱歌引起的Leonard撒谎事件。

（Sheldon的“堂弟”Leo）第11集The Pancake Batter Anomaly(面糊异常): Sheldon感冒事件。

第12集The Jerusalem Duality(耶路撒冷对偶): Sheldon嫉妒来自朝鲜的15岁天才事件。

第13集The Bat Jar Conjecture(Bat Jar 猜想): 物理竞赛事件第14集The Nerdvana Annihilation(完全Geek湮灭): 时光机事件。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E04 – The Pirate Solution[Scene: The apartment].Sheldon: This movie baffles me every time we watch it.Leonard: What do you mean?Sheldon:Well, the instructions are very clear, don’t feed the gremlins after midnight, don’t get the gremlins wet. How hard is that?Penny (arriving): Hi, guys. Hi, honey.Leonard: Hey.Howard: Ooh, we’re honey now, are we?Sheldon:Yes. Since their relationship became carnal, Penny has upgraded his designated term of endearment, thus distinguishing him from those she calls sweetie, usually in an attempt to soften a thinly-veiled insult.Penny: You’re boring people sweetie.Sheldon: Although, sometimes, she omits the veil entirely.Penny: So, what are you guys doing?Howard: Celebrating Columbus Day.Leonard: We’re watching Goonies, Gremlins and Young Sherlock Holmes. They were all written by Chris Columbus.Penny: Okay. What do you watch on Thanksgiving?Sheldon: The parade.Penny: Oh, you know, that reminds me, I usually go back to Nebraska for thanksgiving, but this year they’re calling it off on account of my brother’s trial.Leonard: What’s he on trial for?Penny:Oh, just a big misunderstanding. You know, you’d actually like my brother, he’s kind of a chemist. Anyway, I was thinking I’d have thanksgiving here, and you are all invited.Leonard: Oh. I’ll be there.Sheldon: Will you be serving cranberry jelly or cranberry sauce?Penny: I guess I could serve both.Sheldon: You guess? You don’t seem to have much of a handle on this.Howard: Yeah, I really wish I could, Penny, but every year my mother has all the relatives over and cooks up her famous tur-briska-fil.Penny: Tur-briska-fil?Howard: Turkey stuffed with a brisket stuffed with gefilte fish. It’s not as good as it sounds.Penny: Raj, what about you?Howard: Oh, he usually comes to my house. Right, pal? (Raj bursts into tears and runs away) All right, this year, you don’t have to eat the tur-briska-fil. I don’t even chew it. I swallow it like pills.【Opening Credits】[Scene: A few moments later.]Leonard:So, what’s going on with Raj?Howard: Well, the good news is, he has no problem with my mother’s tur-brka-fil.Penny: Hard to believe, but go on.Howard: The bad news is, he says he’s getting deporte d.Leonard:What do you mean, he’s getting deported?Sheldon: I believe it means that the U.S. Government is going to expel him from the country. He could theneither return to his native India, emigrate to another country that’s willing to accept him, or wander the high seas as a stateless pirate. Personally, I’d choose pirate.Howard: Penny, would you mind stepping outside so we can speak to him?Penny: Ugh, fine. But the man really needs to work on his girl issues.Sheldon: Another reason to consider a l ife of piracy. Even today, I understand that’s an all-male profession. Howard: Okay, she’s gone.Raj: Sorry. I lost my cool.Leonard:So, what’s going on?Raj:Okay, here’s the deal, six months ago, my research testing the predicted composition of trans-Neptunian objects ran into a dead end.Howard: So?Raj: So, my visa’s only good as long as I’m employed at the university, and when they find out I’ve got squat, they’re going to cut me off. By the way, when I say squat, I mean diddly-squat. I wish I had squat. Leonard: So, wait, what have you been doing for the past six months?Raj: You know, checking e-mail, updating my facebook status, messing up wikipedia entries. Hey, did you know Netflix lets you stream movies on your computer now?Sheldon: And you’ve continued to take the university’s money under false pretences? Highly unethical for an astrophysicist. Although practically mandatory for a pirate.Raj: I don’t want to go back to India. It’s hot and loud, and there’s so many people. You have no idea, they’re everywhere.Howard: Okay, guys, think, how do we keep Raj in the country?Penny (from outside): Why doesn’t he just get another job?Howard (after Raj whispers to him): What are you asking me for? I don’t know if you can talk now or not.[Scene: The university cafeteria.]Raj:Oh, beef, I’m going to miss you so much. Do you know, at the Mumbai McDonald’s, you can’t get a Big Mac? All you can get is a Chicken Maharaja Mac. And the special sauce, curry, which, in India,believe you me, is really not that special.Leonard: Don’t worry, you’ll find another job.Raj:Yeah let me start practicing for it. Do you want fries with that Maharaja Mac?”Sheldon: Hi, Leonard. Hello, Raj.Raj: Hello Sheldon.Sheldon: Forgive me, as you know, I’m no adept at reading facial cues, but I’m going to take a stab here, you’re either sad or nauseated.Raj: I’m sad.Sheldon:I was going to say sad. I don’t know why I hedged.Raj: What are you eating?Sheldon: Elbow macaroni with ground hamburger and tomato sauce.Raj: Oh, beefa roni. I think I’ll miss you most of all.Leonard: I’ve always been a little confused about this. Why don’t Hindus eat beef?Raj: We believe cows are gods.Sheldon: Not technically. In Hinduism, cattle are thought to be like God.Raj: Do not tell me about m y own culture, Sheldon! In the mood I’m in, I’ll take you out, I swear to cow! Sheldon: I’m sorry.Raj: Me, too. I’m just, I’m a little on edge.Sheldon: Understandable. Your entire life seems to be crumbling around you, and your future appears bleak at best.Raj: Thank you.Sheldon: And you’re wrong about Hinduism and cows.Howard (arriving): Hey, Raj, guess what. Professor Laughlin is looking for someone to join the stellar evolution research team.Raj: You, you’re kidding. That’s fantastic!Howard: Come on, what are you waiting for? Call him and set up an interview.Raj: I’m on it.Sheldon:That’s happy, right?Leonard: Yeah.Sheldon: Nailed it.[Scene: Professor Laughlin’s office.]Prof Laughlin: Dr. Koothrappali, come on in. I was surprised to hear you were interested In joining our little team. Giving up on those trans-Neptunian objects, are we?Raj: No, no, it’s a very promising area. In a perfect world I’d spend several more years on it. But I just couldn’t pass up the opportunity to work with you on your tremendously exciting and not yet conclusively disproved hypothesis.Prof Laughlin: Splendid. Uh, please sit down. Can I offer you a sherry?Raj: It’s a little early, isn’t it?Prof Laughlin: Not on Proxima Centauri.Raj: That’s very good. Jolly amusing, but if you don’t mind, I’ll hold off until sunset on titan.Prof Laughlin: Oh, well done. I have a feeling you’re going to fit in just fine, Dr. Koothrappali.Raj: Thank you, sir.(There is a knock on the door. A young woman enters)Woman:I’m sorry. Am I late?Prof Laughlin: No, no, no. Right on time. Dr. Koothrappali, may I present Dr. Millstone from MIT. She’ll be heading up our data analysis team.Dr Millstone: It’s nice to meet you, Dr. Koothrappali. I read your paper on Kuiper belt object size d istribution.I really enjoyed it. How did you correct for the selection bias?(During this, Raj surreptitiously wanders over to where Prof Laughlin’s drinks are, pours himself a large sherry and knocks it back in one.)Raj: Well, I ran a simulation that allowed me to correct for the observational efficiency.Dr Millstone: That’s just fascinating.Raj: Thank you. Would you like to hear more about it in my hot tub? So, when do I start?[Scene: The apartment.]Howard:What do you mean you didn’t get the job? How could you not get it?Raj: You know, he’s British, I’m Indian, ever since Gandhi they haven’t liked us very much.Leonard: Wait, are you saying that he discriminated against you? Because we should file a complaint. Raj:That’s okay. A complaint has been filed. So, that’s it. That was my last hope. I’m going to be deported, sent home in disgrace, exposed to the sardonic barbs of my cousin Sanjay. Or, as you may know him, Dave from AT&T customer service.Howard: I’m really going to miss you.Raj: Will you come visit me in India?Howard: Gee, that’s, like, a 17-hour flight. How about I meet you halfway?Raj: Halfway is 600 miles off the coast of Japan.Howard: Tell you what, we’ll skype.Sheldon (arriving): Gentlemen.Leonard: Hey.Sheldon: Raj, did you get the job with Professor Laughlin?Raj: No.Sheldon: I assumed as much. But never fear. Like the subordinate male protagonist in countless action movies who disappears half way through the second reel, I have returned to save the day. Odd, usually, he’s met by cheers. Anyway, I was thinking about exploring the string theory implications of gamma rays from dark matter annihilations, and it occurred to me that I could benefit…Leonard: Excuse me, Sheldon, how many reels before the subordinate male protagonist gets to his point? Sheldon: I’m sorry, if you didn’t cheer at my entrance, it’s too late to buy into the premise. Anyway, I got some extra money from the head of the department, and raj can come work for me.Raj: You want me to work with you?Sheldon: For me. You’re going to have to listen more carefully when you’re on the job.Raj:Okay, uh, please don’t take this the wrong way, but I’d rather swim buck-naked across the Ganges with a paper cut on my nipple and die a slow, agonizing death from a viral infection than work with you. Sheldon: For me.[Scene: Sheldon’s office.]Raj (knocking and entering): Sheldon, are you busy?Sheldon: Of course I’m busy.Raj: Shall I wait?Sheldon: Yes, please. (After about 30 seconds) How may I help you?Raj:I’ve reconsid ered your offer to let me work with you.Sheldon: For me.Raj: Yes, for you. I do, however, have a few conditions. First, at all times, I am to be treated as a colleague and an equal. Second, my contributions shall be noted in all published material. And third, you are never allowed to lecture me on Hinduism or my Indian culture.Sheldon:I’m impressed, Raj. Those are very cogent and reasonable conditions.Raj: Thank you.Sheldon: I reject them all.Raj: Then you leave me no choice. I accept the job.Sheldon: I’m sorry, I believe you’ve misunderstood. I’m not giving you the job. I’m simply affording you the opportunity to apply for it. Have a seat, we’ll get started with the interview.Raj:Wha… You’re kidding!Sheldon: Please.Raj: All right.Sheldon: So, t hat’s what you wear to an interview?Raj: Come on, dude, we’ve been friends for years.Sheldon: Oh, pulling strings, are we?Raj: Sheldon, for God’s sakes, don’t make me beg.Sheldon: Bazinga! You’ve fallen victim to another one of my classic practical jokes. I’m your boss now. You may want to laugh at that.[Scene: The apartment.]Penny:Ah, it’s nice having the place to ourselves, isn’t it?Leonard: Uh-huh. Now that Raj is working for Sheldon, I don’t have to chauffeur him around anymore. Plus, yeah, with them working late so much, we get some privacy.Penny: Mm-hmm. Hey, want to get a little crazy?Leonard: What are you thinking?Penny: Let’s slide over to Sheldon’s spot a make out.Leonard: You are a dirty girl.(as the making out is interrupted by a knock on the door)Penny: Oh, God, how did he know?Howard: Hello.Leonard: Hi, Howard.Howard: Am I interrupting?Leonard: Little bit, yeah.Howard: Guess I should have called.Penny: Yeah, maybe.Howard: Tonight’s the night I usually go line dancing with R aj at the palomino.Leonard: Uh-huh.Howard:But he’s working with Sheldon.Penny: Yes, we know.Howard: Want me to leave?Leonard: You know, whatever.Howard: Okay, I guess I can hang for a little while. So what are we watching? Sex and the city.Yikes.Penny: Hey, I happen to love this movie.Howard: Fine, let’s watch it. Maybe all our periods will synchronize.[Scene: Sheldon’s office.]Sheldon: All right, we’re going to be designing an experiment to look for the annihilation spectrum resulting from dark matter collisions in space.Raj: Ooh, dark matter. We better bring a flashlight. I was making a joke.Sheldon: I’m the boss. I make the jokes.Raj: Sorry, go ahead and make your joke.Sheldon: This is not the time for joking. We’re doing serious research, which requires complete and utter focus.Raj: All right, let’s buckle down and work.(To the tune of Eye of the Tiger by Survivor, there is a montage of images, in all of which Sheldon and Raj are staring at the same equation on a whiteboard.)Raj: Sheldon.Sheldon: What?Raj: I need an aspirin.Sheldon: Top desk drawer.Raj: Thank you.Sheldon: Alright?Raj: Yes.Sheldon: Good.(Montage of scenes resumes)[Scene: Penny and Leonard exiting Leonard’s bedroom. ]Leonard: That was fun. Thank you.Penny: L eonard, honey, you don’t have to say thank you every time we have sex.Leonard: Oh. Okay. Tomorrow you’re going to get a card in the mail. Just throw it away.Howard:Top o’ the mornin’o ya!Leonard: What are you doing here?Howard: Well, usually, on Sunda ys, I go with Raj to scam on hippie chicks at the farmers market, but he’s stillworking with Sheldon, so I thought I’d come over here and make you guys scrambled eggs and salami. It’s the perfect meal for apres l’amour.Penny: Oh, kill me.Howard: By the way, I couldn’t help overhearing your big finish. Bravo, Leonard.Penny: See, if you had killed me when I said kill me, I wouldn’t have had to hear that.Howard: What do you guys think? Want to take in a matinee, maybe go rollerblading, catch a step class? Penny: Do something.Leonard: Yeah, okay. Um, Howard, we need to talk.Howard:Sure. ‘sup, homes?Leonard: Uh, please understand that it’s not that we don’t want you around, but Penny and I occasionally need some alone time.Howard:Oh. I get it, I’m the third wheel. Sorry, I should have seen that. I’ll get out of your way. Uh, you’re gonna want to eat those eggs while they’re still hot.Leonard: Thank you. There’s lox and cream cheese in the fridge, the bagels are in the oven, I was warming them up.Penny:That’s great.Howard: I just hang out with my mom. That’s always fun.Leonard: Good.Penny: Are we terrible people?Leonard: I don’t know. What do you want me to do?Penny: Get him, bring him back.Leonard: Are you sure?Penny: Yeah.Leonard: Okay. Howard come back.Howard: Oh, you guys had me scared for a minute.[Scene: Sheldon’s office. Sheldon is writing on the whiteboard.]Raj:No, no, no, no! That rate is much too low for what we’d expect from this collision. Do you understand that we’re talking ab out dark matter colliding in outer space?Sheldon: Of course I understand. And who are you to tell me about outer space?Raj:I’m the astrophysicist. Astro means space.Sheldon: Astro means star.Raj: Okay, well, let me just tell you, if we were having thi s argument in my native language, I’d be kicking your butt.Sheldon: English is your native language.Raj: Okay, you got me there, but you’re wrong about this!Sheldon: There is a fine line between wrong and visionary. Unfortunately you have to be a visionary to see it. Raj: My god, you think that every thought that comes out of your head is pure gold. Well, let me tell you something. Some of those thoughts are pure caca.Sheldon: Caca?Raj: It means doo-doo.Sheldon: All right! First of all, Dr. Koothrappa li, when I first proposed that you work with me…Raj: Aha! So I am working with you.Sheldon: In this context, with me means for me.Raj: Ah, well, in this context… (blows raspberry)Sheldon: Oh! If I’m wrong, prove it.Raj: Okay. Here’s where we derive th e mass of the dark matter particle.Sheldon: No, no, no, you’ve misstated the atomic weight of the target.Raj: Let me finish.Sheldon:You’re defacing my work.Raj: I’m not defacing it, I’m fixing it.Sheldon: Give me the eraser.Raj: No.Sheldon: I said give it to me.Raj: Come and get it.Sheldon: Fine. (Uses hand as an eraser. Then realises his hand is dirty) Oh, lord. Dr. Koothrappali, as your superior, I forbid you from writing on my board!Raj: You are not my superior.Sheldon: I am in every way.Raj: Oh, yeah? Can you do this? ( Performs complex finger trick ) Nice working with you. I’m sorry, for you. (Exits. Sheldon stares a moment, then tries to perform the trick. Fails.)[Scene: Outside Raj’s flat].Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Raj. (Knock, knock, knock) Raj. (Knock, knock, knock) Raj.Raj: I’m busy.Sheldon: Doing what? (Performs finger trick again) All right, you’ve made your point.Raj: What do you want, Sheldon?Sheldon: I looked over the board and it turns out you were right.Raj: So you were wrong.Sheldon: I didn’t say that.Raj: That’s the only logical inference.Sheldon: Nevertheless, I didn’t say it. Anyway, I would like you to come back and work for me.Raj: For you or with you?Sheldon: In this context for me could mean with me.Raj: All right, but I have some conditions.Sheldon: I reject them all.Raj:I’ll take the job. See you Monday.Sheldon: Wait, you have to drive me home.Raj: How did you get here?Sheldon: I walked.Raj: So walk home.Sheldon: I can’t. There’s a big dog out side. On the way home, we can start thinking about methods of optimizing the detector for 500 GEV particles.Raj: All right. (As they walk down the corridor, Eye of the Tiger starts playing again.)(* to perform trick, place both hands together as if praying, then fold two middle fingers over so that they pass to the right of one another, finally rotate right hand anti-clockwise and waggle both middle fingers)。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E06 – The Cornhusker VortexScene: The stairwell. The guys are carrying kites.Leonard: Kites, ho!Howard: Kites ho!Raj: Kites ho!All three: Kites, ho!Sheldon: Excuse me. You’re misusing the word ho. It’s an interjection used to call attention to a destination, not an object, as in, uh, Land, ho! Or, uh, Westward, ho!The three guys: Kites, ho!Penny: Hey, guys. What you doing? Going out to discover electricity?Sheldon:If you’re referring to the work of Benjamin Franklin, he did not discover electricity, he merely used a kite to determine that lightning consists of electricity. He also invented the Franklin stove, bifocals and the flexible urinary catheter. Kites, ho.Leonard: We’re heading out for some kite fighting. Penny: Kite fighting?Leonard:Oh, yeah. It’s an extremely competitive, cutthroat sport.Sheldon: Well, actually, the risk of throat cutting is very low. On the other hand, severe string burn is a real and ever-Present danger.Leonard: You want to come watch?Penny: Oh, gee, sounds amazing, but, um, I’ve got some friends coming over. Not a big thing, we’re just gonna watch the Nebraska game.Leonard: Oh. Football, sure.Howard: Good guess.Penny:I would’ve invited you, but I know you’re not a football fan.Leonard: No, no, I’m not, so, great. You’ve got plans doing something you like, I’ve got plans doing something I like, so it’s good.Penny:Well, maybe we’ll hang out later, you know, after everybody’s gone.Leonard: Yeah, great.Penny: See ya.Leonard: Well, this sucks.Sheldon:I’m sorry, I got bored and drifted off. Where exactly in the interaction did the sucking lie? Raj:Leonard just realized that Penny’s been hiding him from her friends because he’s a tiny, little man who flies kites.Sheldon: Oh, that certainly would suck.Credits sequence.Scene: The park.Sheldon: Wolowitz is trying to outflank us. Let out some string, add altitude and I’ll go under and cut his line.Leonard: Why wouldn’t Penny want her friends to meet me?Sheldon: Focus, Leonard, focus! The heat of battle is upon us, the dogs of war are unleashed. Leonard: Maybe Koothrappali’s right, maybe I embarrass her.Sheldon: You’re embarrassing me right now, a grown man worrying about such nonsense when in the middle of flying kites.Leonard: Sorry.Sheldon: Sorry won’t bring their kites down. Ow! String burn! String burn!Raj: Oh, they think we’re flanking, they’re playing right into our hands. On the count of three, we execute the flying scissor. One, two…Howard: Whoa! Did you see that?Raj: See what?Howard: That chick, she smiled at me.Raj: No, she didn’t.Howard: Yes, she did.Raj: Come on, scissors, scissors!Howard: Hold my line.Raj:Wait, what are you doing? I can’t scissors by myself! Howard! Come back!Sheldon: Victory!Raj: Son of a bitch.Scene: Leonard’s car.Raj: You’re a sucky friend, you know that? A sucky, sucky friend.Howard: What was I supposed to do? She gave me that come-hither look.Raj: If she gave you any look at l. It was a you suck look.Howard: I would’ve caught up to her if I hadn’t pulled a hammy.Raj:Oh, please, you weigh 80 pounds. You don’t have a hammy.Leonard: So, Penny doesn’t want me around her friends, I embarrass her. What else could it be? Sheldon: Well, her actions could be out of concern for your f eelings. Perhaps she’s excluded you from these gatherings because she’s scouting for a new mate and doesn’t want to do it in front of you. Leonard: Oh, how kind of her.Sheldon:Agreed. Most primates don’t show that sort of discretion. A female bonobo will copulate with a new male in front of the old one without so much as a how do you do?Raj: You always do this, you know? You ditch me for a woman you don’t have a shot with. Howard: I totally had a shot.Raj: With a woman you were chasing through a park? T hat’s not a shot, that’s a felony. What’s worse, it cost me my prized Patang fighting kite. Sheldon, I don’t suppose there’s any chance you could give me my kite back?Sheldon:I’m sorry, Raj, but the rules of aerial warfare dictate at the fallen kite go to the victor. And without rules, the competition has no meaning. And without meaning, the following would be an empty gesture. (Sings) I have your kite. I have your kite.Scene: Penny’s apartment.Leonard: Hey.Penny: Hi.Leonard: How was your football party?Penny: I t was pretty good. We won.Leonard:Oh, that’s excellent. It’s a weird figure of speech, isn’t it, we won when you weren’tactually playing. When we watch Star Wars, we don’t say, we defeated the Empire.Penny:I’m glad to hear it.Leonard: Oh, hey, on a related subject, are you embarrassed to have me around your friends? Penny: Oh, my god, no. Why would you ask that? Leonard:Well, you know, I just noticed I haven’t really met any of them.Penny: Sure you have.Leonard:Well, yeah, no, I met the huge ex-boyfriend and the smaller yet still larger than me ex-boyfriend. Were they here today?Penny: Of course not.Leonard: Of course not. Why would they be? Why would I ask? Why am I rambling? Why don’t you stop me?Penny:Leonard, look, if you want to meet my friends, that would be great. I just, you know, I didn’t want you to be bored.Leonard: I wouldn’t be bored. Why would I be bored?Penny: Well, ’cause they’re not genius scientists. Leonard: Penny, I like all sorts of people. In fact, some of my best friends aren’t geniuses.Penny: Like who?Leonard: Okay, some of my Facebook friends aren’t geniuses. My point is, if we’re going to be a couple, I should be friends with your friends. Penny: Okay, great. Well, then why don’t you come over next Saturday and watch the game with us. Leonard: Another football game?Penny: They have them every week.Leonard: Did not know that.Penny: You wanted to meet my friends. Leonard: Sure, sure, just I don’t know much about football.Penny: Oh, that’s okay, a lot of the guys’ girlfriends don’t know football. They just kind of drink and talk in the kitchen.Leonard: Great.Scene: The apartment. Leonard and Raj are watching a football game on the television. Leonard: Okay, a complete pass. First down, New England. I think I’m starting to get this.Raj: Really? The only thing I’ve learned in the last two hours is that American men love drinking beer, pee too often and have trouble getting erections. Leonard: Focus on the game, not the commercials, Raj.Raj: I’m just sa ying, maybe if you people cut back on the beer, you could get out of the bathroom and satisfy your women without pharmaceutical help. Howard (arriving): Raj, what are you doing here? You were supposed to help me pimp out my Vespa. Raj:I’m sorry, are you u nder the impression that we’re still friends?Howard: Oh come on, you’re not still grinding on the kite thing, are you?Raj:It’s not just the kite thing. Every time we go some place, you think you can just dump me whenever someone prettier comes along, even though you don’t have a shot with them.Howard: But I had a shot with that jogger.Raj: Fine. Paint green flames on your little scooter with her. (Leaves)Howard: It’s not a little scooter. It’s the second biggest Vespa they make! Are you watching football?Leonard:There’s no fooling you. Now, what is this sacks statistic they put up there?Howard: All I know about Saks is, my mother shops there.Leonard: Sacks, sacks…Sheldon:It’s football nomenclature for when a quarterback is tackled behind the line of scrimmage.Leonard:Huh… Scrimmage…Sheldon:The line of scrimmage is the imaginary transverse line separating the offence from the defence.Leonard: Oh.Howard: Sheldon knows football?Leonard: Apparently.Howard: I mean, Quidditch, sure. But football? Leonard: Sheldon, how do you know this stuff? Sheldon: I grew up in Texas. Football is ubiquitous in Texas. Pro football, college football, high school football, peewee football, in fact, every form of football except the original, European football, which most Texans believe to be a Commie plot. Leonard: Unbelievable.Sheldon:If you’re interested, I also know all about frying meat that isn’t chicken as if it were chicken. Leonard: So you could teach me?Sheldon: Football or chicken-fried meats? Leonard: Football. I’m going to Penny’s on Saturday to watch a game with her friends and I don’t want to look like an idiot. I want to blend in. Sheldon: I f you want to blend in with Penny’s friends, I’d think looking like an idiot would be the perfect camouflage.Leonard: Come on, Sheldon, please teach me about football. It’ll be fun.Sheldon: That’s exactly what my father said. Come to the games, watch the games, week in and week out from the time I was five until I went off to college. Longest seven years of my life. Leonard: Please, I’m asking you as a friend. Sheldon: Are you making this a tier one friendship request? Leonard: Yes.Sheldon: Fine.Leonard: I really appreciate this.Sheldon: Yeah, yeah. All right, Poindexter, sit down, shut up and listen.Leonard:I’m sorry?Sheldon: That’s how my father always began our football conversations. And if you’d like, after the game, I’ll take you outside and teach you how to shoot close enough to a racoon that it craps itself.Scene: The kitchen. Sheldon is making toast in a cylon toaster which burns an image of a cylon onto the toast.Leonard: When are you going to stop making Cylon toast?Sheldon: When I have enough to destroy all the human toast on the battlestar known as Galactica. Is that what you’re wearing to watch football at Penny’s?Leonard: What’s wrong with a football jersey? Sheldon: Nothing. That, however, appears to be a football cocktail dress.Leonard:I’s the smallest size they had, except the one for dogs. I can’t believe they had one for dogs. Sheldon: Oh, yes. Canine football fans are a common sight in Texas. Cats, however, refuse to wear sporting apparel. My sister found that out the hard way.Leonard: Anyway, wish me luck.Sheldon: Leonard, wait. Am I correct in assuming that your attempt to be a ccepted by Penny’s peers is based on your desire to ensure your continuing mating privileges with her?Leonard:Well, I wouldn’t put it exactly that way. Sheldon: How would you put it?Leonard: Y eah, okay, like you said.Sheldon: Huh. Seems like an awful lot of trouble to go through for intercourse. Don’t you have access to women who will do it for money? By the way, another accepted usage for the term ho. Leonard: Good-Bye, Sheldon.Sheldon: Hold on I believe that social convention dictate you not arrive empty-Handed. Would you like to bring some Cylon toast?Leonard:Yeah, no, I’m trying to fit in, not get laughed at.Sheldon:What’s funny about Cylon toast?Scene: Raj’s apartment. Raj is watching a Bollywood movie. There is a knock on the door. Raj: It’s open.Howard: Hey, pal.Raj: What do you want?Howard: I brought you a little gift. New kite.Raj: The kite you made me lose was an authentic Patang, an Indian fighting kite that my brother sent to me from New Delhi. It took me a day to put together and two days to paint. This is Hello Kitty. Howard: Yeah, but it comes with a little coin purse. Does a Patang?Raj: Wow, you just don’t get it, do you? Buying me something pretty isn’t going to make our problem just go away.Howard: Look, I admit I haven’t alw ays been the best friend I could be.Raj: You’ve been a sucky friend, a sucky, sucky friend.Howard: Stipulated.Raj: And you do it all the time. Last week in the mall at Radio Shack, we were looking for a phone with giant numbers for your mother, and I suddenly realize you’re not even there.Howard: I know, I know.Raj: And where were you?Howard: Getting shot down by the girl at Hot Dog on a Stick. But in my defence, she was gorgeous, and working that squeezer to make the lemonade, going up and down and up and down. It was like a free pole dance right in the middle of the food court. Raj:You’re impossible.Howard: Hey, at least I can talk to women without being drunk.Raj: Excuse me, I have selective mutism, a recognized medical disorder. You’re just a do uche. Howard: No. You know what? Maybe that’s what this whole thing’s about. You’re not mad at me, you’re mad at yourself.Raj:No, I’m mad at you. I hate myself, but I’m mad at you.Howard: Fine. You’re mad at me. I get it. Now, how about we go spend the day together? Just the two of us. We’ll go anywhere you want.Raj: I don’t know.Howard: Come on. Let me take you someplace nice. Raj:I… I do enjoy the La Brea Tar Pits.Howard: Really, now? With the traffic and the parking, it’s… okay, fine. The Tar Pits. Let’s go. Raj: Oh, why can’t I stay mad at you?Scene: Penny’s apartment. Everyone is watching football.Leonard: Go! Go! Go! Go-Go-Go-Go! Yes! Are you people watching this? Is this amazing or what? Penny:Sweetie, that’s a highlight from the ’98 championship game.Leonard: Oh. Did not know that.Penny: How much beer have you had? Leonard: None, why?Penny: Oh. I was just kind of hoping you were drunk. Now we’re back live.Leonard: Okay, yeah. I can see the difference. Guy in baseball hat:Oh, where’s the flag, that’s intentional grounding.Second guy: Totally.Leonard: That completely was a forward pass, which they threw intentionally incomplete to avoid loss of yardage or to conserve time. I can’t believe they’re not being penalized with the loss of a d own and by having to move the line of scrimmage back to the spot of the foul.Penny: Here, have some pizza, sweetie. Leonard: Penny, you know I’m lactose intolerant. Penny: I know. I just need you stop talking. Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny.(Knock, knock, knock) Penny.Penny: Sheldon, come in.Sheldon: Thank you. I’d like to make a sandwich, but I’m out of bread.Penny: There’s some in the fridge.Sheldon:You shouldn’t keep your bread in the refrigerator. Staleness is caused by crystallization of the starch molecules, which occurs faster at cool temperatures.Penny: On Earth, we say thank you.Sheldon: So Leonard, how goes the mimesis? Leonard: Mimesis?Sheldon: You know. Mimesis. An action in which the mimic takes on the properties of a specific object or organism. Mimesis.Leonard: What the hell are you talking about? Sheldon: I’m attempting to communicate with youwithout my meaning becoming apparent to those around you. Let me try again. Have the indigenous fauna accepted you as one of their own? Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.Leonard: Oh, I guess so.Sheldon: Good. Oh, FYI. After I eat my sandwich, I’m taking Koothrappali’s Patang kite out for a test run. Would you like to get your delta-wing raptor and join me?Leonard: I don’t want to fly kites, Sheldon. We’re watching football here.Sheldon: I can see that. I was providing you with an alternative. A courtesy I was never offered in similar circumstances.Leonard:Oh, look at that. The Oklahoma coach has thrown down a red flag indicating he’s challenging the ruling on the field. I hope he’s right, ’cause if he’s not, it’ll cost him one of his three time-Outs.Penny: You know, Leonard, honey, I wouldn’t mind if you wanted to go fly kites with Sheldon. Leonard: No, I’ll watch the end of the game. Besides, there’s only three minutes left.Penny: Until half time.Leonard: This is just half? We’ve been here for hours.Penny: And you’re gonna be here for a couple more.Leonard:Oh, you’re kidding me.Penny: No.Leonard: Nice meeting all of you.Penny: So, yeah, anyway, that’s my boyfriend. He is really smart.Scene: The Le Brea Tar Pits.Raj: I really like my saber-toothed cat. Thank you. Howard: My pleasure. Maybe after lunch, we can go to Marie Callender’s and have some pie.Raj: I’d like that. This is turning out to be a perfect Saturday.Howard: Good. I’m glad. Oh, man. Did you see the way she smiled at me?Raj: Fine. Go ahead.Howard: No. This is our day.Raj: If you want to chase after her, chase after her. Howard: Ah, who am I kidding? I wouldn’t have a shot with a girl like that.Raj:Don’t put yourself down. You’re a very attractive man.Howard: You think so?Raj: Yeah. Absolutely. It wouldn’t kill you to take a Pilates class with me now and then, but you have a certain wiry appeal.Howard:Yeah, well, it doesn’t matter ‘cause she wasn’t really smiling at me.Raj: Actually, in this case, I think she was. Howard: Really?Raj: Yeah.Howard: Bye.Raj: What a douche.。

目录第6集 (2)第7集 (14)第6集Leonard... E06 莱纳德...I've got terrible news. 我有个坏消息What's going on? 怎么了?Before I tell you, 在告诉你之前perhaps I should soften the blow. 或许我应该先做点铺垫以减轻打击Y ou're face is pleasingly symmetrical. 你的脸真是匀称得令人愉悦呀Just tell me. 直说吧A Swedish team of physicists 一个瑞典物理小组is trying to scoop our super-fluid vortex experiment. 打算抢在我们之前进行超流体涡流实验{\an8}超流现象即液氦降到超低温时出现的特殊物理现象Oh, well, that kind of stinks. 噢好吧那真是有点讨厌啊That kind of stinks? 有点讨厌?Why aren't you more upset? 你怎么没有更生气?Did I soften the blow too much? 是我铺垫做太多了吗?Because this here is more like a Picasso painting.你脸这部分其实更像是毕加索的画作{\an8}毕加索笔下的人物五官通常都是扭曲且不对称的What are we going to do? 那我们要怎么办呢?Perform the experiment immediately. 现在立马进行实验I'd love to, but we need liquid helium 我倒是想但我们需要液氦and our shipment's on back order for a month. 而我们订的货要一个月后才到A month? What? Are you kidding me? 一个月? 你在逗我吗?That would have been a good time for you to soften theblow.刚才你就该先来点铺垫的That shirt brings out the blue in your eyes. 这件衬衫简直突显了你眼睛的蓝邃Thank you. Aren't you sweet. 谢谢你太可爱了Let's go check to see if the university 我们去看看大学has any helium in reserve. 还有没有备用的液氦吧Did you know that I almost didn't wear this shirt today? 你知道吗? 我今天差点就没穿这件T恤Hey, Barry, we're in trouble. 嗨巴瑞我们遇到点麻烦We need liquid helium. Does the department have any we can use? 我们需要液氦系里有我们能用的液氦吗?Sorry, there's a shortage. 抱歉液氦短缺中And what we do have I need for my quantum excitation study. 现有的这些我需要用在我的量子激发研究上{\an8}另一个液氦超流体的研究方向But you won't need much for that. 但你不需要用很多True, but if it's successful, 没错但如果它成功了I'm having a party with balloons. 我打算开个派对要用到气球{\an8}氦气密度很小常用于给飞艇热气球充气Come on, Barry, there's a Swedish team 拜托巴瑞有个瑞典团队trying to run our experiment before us. 想要抢在我们前面进行实验Can't you spare any? 你就不能匀一点出来吗?Be honest... if the shoe was on the other foot, 实话说... 易地而处would you do this for me? 你们会借给我吗?- Y es. - No chance. - 会的- 没门What are you doing? 你这是干什么?He said be honest, so I was honest. 他说了要照实说我就照实说了Didn't your mother tell you? It's the best policy. 你妈妈没这么教你吗? 坦白从宽So, what do you say? 那么你的意思呢?Hell no. 门儿都没有He could've softened the blow. 他本来该来点铺垫的生活大爆炸第九季第06集Why do you need Kripke? 你们为什么要找克里普克?{\an8}第三季第九集中出现Why don't you just go to Party City for helium? 干嘛不直接去派对城市买氦气?{\an8}派对城市派对用品店We'd have to go to every Party City in California.那我们就需要跑遍加州的每一家派对城市Sounds like you on Cinco de Mayo. 听起来好像你们过五月五日节似的{\an8}墨西哥的传统节日Hey, people were still talking about that party 喂大家现在都还在讨论着on siete de Mayo. 五月七日那场派对呢{\an8}五月七日是纳粹无条件投降日Leonard, if that Swedish team beats us, 莱纳德如果那个瑞典团队打败了我们I will never be able to enjoy 我就再也无法享受anything from their country again. 任何来自那个国家的东西了Which is a shame, because Swedish meatballs那很可惜的因为我最喜欢用牙签戳着吃are my favorite toothpick-delivered meatball. 它们的瑞典肉丸了If you need liquid helium so bad, I know a guy 如果你们特别需要液氦我认识一个人who can get you some, 能给你们弄点if you don't ask too many questions. 如果你们能不要问他太多问题的话- Who is he? - Where does he work? - 他是谁? - 他在哪儿工作?How does he get the helium? 他怎么弄到的液氦?How many questions are too many questions? 问几个问题算问太多问题?Maybe he's not for you. 也许他不适合你们Four questions. There answer's four. 四个问题答案是四个Hey, you know who went out 嗨你知道那天谁出去on a date the other night? Stuart. 约会了吗? 斯图尔特Oh, good for him. 噢挺好的I thought so, too. 我也是这么想的So is she, like, homeless, or framing him for a crime? 那么她是无家可归呢还是打算嫁祸于他?He's using some kind of dating app on his phone. 他最近在用一个手机约会软件Oh, which one? 噢什么软件?Maybe we can get Amy to try it. 或许我们该让艾米试试看I don't know. 我不知道Stuart, can you come in here? 斯图尔特你能出来一下吗?He tried to explain it to me. 他给我解释过It shows you pictures of people nearby, 你可以看到附近的人的照片you swipe them around, it looks kind of like a game. 我看他把照片刷来刷去就好像某种游戏一样Oh, and if you lose the game, you have to go out with Stuart. 噢如果你输了就不得不跟斯图尔特约会了What's up? 怎么了?Can you show us that dating app? 你能给我们演示一下那个约会软件吗?Oh, yeah, sure. 好的当然This thing has changed my life.这个东西简直改变了我的人生Wow. So how many girls have you met? 哇哦那你现在约过多少个女孩了? Two. 两个I probably don't need to mention 或许不用我提醒你们there's an entire number between that and zero. 零和二之间是量的飞跃呢Well, so how does it work? 好吧那怎么用?Uh, well, it-it shows me all 嗯它... 它为我显示the single women in a five-mile radius 半径五英里范围内的who are using the app. 使用这个软件的单身女性If I like the way they look, I hit thumbs up. 如果我喜欢她们的样子就点"赞"If I don't, thumbs down. 如果不喜欢就点"烂"Oh, what would make you give a girl a thumbs down? 那么你会为了什么给一个女孩点"烂"呢?First time it happens I will let you know. 如果有这种情况我会告诉你的Oh, hey. I just heard back from the liquid helium guy. 嗨我收到那个弄液氦的人的回复了What's he say? 他怎么说?He's got what we need and can meet us tonight. 他弄来了我们需要的约我们今晚见面Oh, really? 真的吗?Y ou know I don't like buying things at night. 你知道我不喜欢晚上出门买东西的January 7, 2009. 2009年一月七日晚上十一点半I went to the Ralph's at 11:30pm to pick up 我去拉尔夫商店买早上要吃的桂格燕麦麸Cracklin' Oat Bran for the morning and what did I see? 你猜我看到了什么?The man restocking the cereal shelves. 有人在为燕麦货架补货That's right. And what did he do? 没错然后他做了什么?He handed you the box directly and called you Stretch. 他直接拿给你一盒燕麦还叫你细高个It's like it was yesterday. 简直犹在昨天Do you want liquid helium or not? 你到底想不想要液氦?Of course I do. 当然想要I don't want that Swedish team scooping us. 我不想让瑞典团队抢发了我们的实验Then I'm going to tell him we're in. 那我就告诉他这笔生意成交了Leonard, wait. This is highly unethical.莱纳德等等这是严重违反实验规定的We're just bending the rules a little.我们只是稍微变通了某些规定We have grant money to do the experiment, 我们有做实验的经费so we're going to spend it on the helium we need. 所以就把钱用在我们需要的氦气上It's not like when Dr. Goldfarb 这又不是戈德法布博士claimed he bought an electron microscope 声称买了个电子显微镜and he was really just keeping 实际上却是在范奈斯的公寓里a Russian girl in an apartment in V an Nuys. 养了个俄罗斯女孩Was she helping him with his research? 那女孩对他的研究有帮助吗? Sure. 当然So, are we doing this? 那就这么定了?Okay, but where does he get the helium? 好但他从哪儿弄来的氦气呢? Remember? Don't ask too many questions? 记得吗? 别问个不停Uh, but this is violating university code. 但这违背了大学的规章制度A little, but... 一点点但是...if I may quote Einstein,引用爱因斯坦的话说The pursuit of science calls us 对科学的追求使我们to ignore the rules set by man? 可以无视人为的规则All right, do it. 好吧就这么定吧Tell him we're in. 告诉他我们同意了Done. 好了I can't find that quote on the Internet. 我在网上找不到那条名言Did you make that up? 是你编的吗?Before I answer, 在我回答之前may I just say your skin has never looked better. 我不得不说你的皮肤真是前所未有的光滑Aren't you just made of sugar. 你嘴真甜I'm not sure how I feel about this. 我不知道这样对不对Oh, come on, just let him put the app on your phone. 拜托让他把那个应用下到你手机上吧Y eah, Stuart got two dates with it. 对啊斯图尔特用它争取到两次约会呢One of which would've ended in sex had she not said no. 其中一次要是她不拒绝的话我们就上床了Okay, all set. 好吧弄完了Okay, let me see. 来让我看看Nope, nope, 不行不行nope... 不行Oh, he's cute! 噢他真可爱!Doesn't a teardrop tattoo 泪珠状的纹身难道不是mean he murdered someone? 代表他杀过人吗?And he's sad about it. 他为此感到愧疚Hey. Hello. 嗨大家好啊- Hey. - Hey, I thought you were gonna be out late? - 嗨- 我以为你们会晚回来呢If you wanted me to stay out later, 要是你想让我在外面待得晚点you should've given me more spending money. 就该多给我些零用钱What are you guys up to? 你们干什么呢?We put Amy on a dating app, 我们让艾米玩一个约会应用程序and we're seeing what's out there. 看看有什么合适的对象Oh, fun! Let me see. 有意思! 让我看看Uh, no... 不行...no, uh, definitely not. 不肯定不行What was wrong with that guy? 这人哪儿不好了?Uh, he's Indian. 他是印度人We've already got one of those. 我们已经有一个印度人了Ooh, we should find a nice Latino. 我们应该找个拉丁美洲人It really round us out. 那样就凑齐了Hey, I want to try. 我也想试试Uh, excuse me, c-can I have my phone back? 打扰一下我能不能拿回我的电话? Hang on, I'm trying to find you 等等我正试着给你找the next great love of your life. 人生下一个真爱呢The man who will father your children.找你孩子们的父亲呢Okay, yes or no on white guy with dreadlocks? 看梳细发辫的白人行不行?That must be him. 那个肯定就是他Oh, of course. 噢当然了An nondescript, white panel van. 一辆毫无特色的白色厢式货车Y ou may be familiar with it from the sentence: 你可能从这句话里听说过Their bodies were found in a nondescript, 在一辆毫无特色的白色厢式货车里white panel van? 他们的尸体被发现了Hey. 嗨What's up? 你们好吗?Uh, I'm Leonard. 我是莱纳德- This is my friend - I'm Skippy. - 这是我的朋友- 我叫史杰比{\an8}Skippy 也指日本女人尤其指妓女Skippy Cavanaugh. 史杰比·卡瓦诺Great. 很好Y ou got the cash? 带现金来了吗?Uh, yeah, uh, right here. 有在这Wait, hold on, hold on. 等等等等How do we know that you're not gonna 我们怎么知道你不会take the money and drive away? 拿了钱开车就走呢?What ya doing, Skippy? 你干嘛呢史杰比?Exactly what 1970s television crime dramas have taughtus.正是七十年代犯罪电视剧教我们的Y ou give us the helium first. 你先给我们氦气Oh, how do I know you're not gonna 那我怎么知道你们会不会drive away without paying me? 不付钱就开车走人呢?Guess I'm not the only one 看来我不是唯一一个who watches '70s television crime dramas. 看过七十年代犯罪电视剧的人Look, you can trust us. 你可以信任我们We're respected scientists. 我们是广受尊敬的科学家Well, he is. 只有他是I'm a wedding planner,我是个婚礼策划人who can't find love himself. 自己却一直单身It's ironic, but the point is 这很讽刺但重点是we can't trust you. 我们没法信任你Y ou're a sketchy character in a parking garage. 你就是个停车场里的路人甲Y eah, well, from my perspective, 好吧站在我的角度that's how you two appear to me. 我看你们俩也是一样的Well, I never thought of it like that. 我还从没想过这点Boy, frame of reference will just sneak up on you, won't it? 天啊参照理论就这么打你个措手不及了吗?My friend does make a decent point about the money. 关于钱的事我朋友说的有道理I don't feel comfortable just handing it over up front. 我感觉就这么把钱给你不是很放心Ah-ah-ah, no money, no helium.不给钱就拿不到氦气Seems we're at a, uh, stalemate.看来我们僵持住了Not technically. 严格上来说不是啊In chess, a stalemate refers to a situation 在国际象棋里"僵持"是指in which there are no remaining moves. 无路可走的情况Uh, you have plenty of moves available. 你还有好多路可走呢Y ou could beat us up and steal the money. 你可以暴打我们一顿把钱偷走Y ou could kill us, you know. 你还可以杀了我们的知道吧Really, you're only limited by your imagination. 真的你只是被自己的想象力限制住了Huh. 这样All these years, I've been using stalemate, 这么多年来我一直都把"僵持" when I really mean impasse. 当成"僵局"来用的I feel foolish. 感觉好蠢啊I don't think it matters if this is a stalemate 我觉得不管是说"僵持""僵局"or an impasse or a Mexican standoff. 还是"墨西哥僵局" 都不重要What are we gonna do here? 我们要在这儿干嘛?Oh, whoa, whoa, how can it be a Mexican standoff? 哦哇哦哇哦这怎么是墨西哥僵局呢?{\an8}表示对峙的三方或多方互相牵制的平衡状态.Everybody knows you need three sides for that. 大家都知道得要有三边对峙Not necessarily. 不一定的Uh, many argue the essence of a Mexican standoff 呃很多人说墨西哥僵局的本质就是is that no one can walk away from the conflict 就是没有人能毫发无伤的without incurring harm. 远离冲突Hmm, I don't follow. 嗯我不懂你的意思Let me give you an example.我给你举个栗子吧Earlier today, 来这儿之前I decoded the headers on your e-mail, 我破解了你邮箱的源文件and I know that your name is Kenneth Fitzgerald. 然后我知道了你的名字是肯尼斯·菲茨杰拉德From that, I figured out where you live and where you work. 从而我搞清楚你的住址及上班的地方Now, to make this a Mexican standoff, 现在为了实现墨西哥僵局I would say something like, uh, 我会说诸如此类的话呃Y ou give us the helium or I'll turn you in to the authorities? 你给我们氦气否则我就向当局告发你Is that a threat? 那是威胁的意思吗?Y eah, exactly. See, you're getting it. 嗯没错看你明白我的意思了Y eah, well, I know where you work, all right? 好吧我知道你的工作地点好吧? And if you mess with me, I'll report you, 如果你敢耍我我就举报你then I'll pound your asses into the ground. 然后我就把你摔个屁股墩儿Perfect! Now we really are in a Mexican standoff. 完美现在我们真的实现墨西哥僵局了Is this one of those times 我又再一次的where I've won the battle but lost the war? 赢了嘴仗输了斗争吗?Afraid so, Skippy. 恐怕是的史杰比I told you we shouldn't go shopping at night. 我告诉过你我们不应该晚上去购物All right, let's all just calm down. 好了我们都冷静一点Nobody wants to report anybody. 没人想要举报任何人No, I don't like this. I'm out. 不我不喜欢这样我要走了No, no, no. Wait, don't go. 不不不等等别走Just let me explain. 让我解释一下We're physicists, and we're trying to prove 我们是物理学家而我们试图证明a hypothesis that we've been working on for over a year. 我们努力了一整年的一个假设Really? What's the hypothesis? 真的吗? 什么假设?Space-time can be interpreted as 时空可以被看作是the surface of an n-dimensional superfluid. N维堆超流体的表层Hmm. Could be, could be. 嗯有可能有可能Go on. 继续Okay, but now there's this Swedish team that read our paper 好吧但现在有个瑞士团队读了我们的论文and they're trying to beat us to our own discovery. 而他们想要用我们的理论来打败我们We really need this helium. 我们真的很需要氦气And I'm sorry I lied about 我很抱歉谎称我是being a wedding planner who can't find love. 找不到真爱的婚礼策划人Although I am currently single, if you know anybody. 尽管我最近单身了如果你认识那个谁的话Here's the money. Can we do this? 给你钱我们继续交易好吗? Okay. 好的It's a shame about those scientists ripping you off. 那些剽窃你们的科学家应该感到羞愧I expected a higher ethical standard 我本来以为我们的瑞典朋友from our friends in Sweden. 会有节操一点儿呢It's actually pretty common in our field. 事实上在我们的领域是很司空见惯的Not much you can do about it. 你也不能把他们怎么样Well, for the right amount of money, 嗯为了你们给的这些钱if you know where they live, 如果你知道他们住哪儿there's, uh, plenty we could do about it. 我们呃可以大有所为的Did you hear that, Leonard? 你听到了吗莱纳德?There's plenty we could do about it. 我们可以大有所为Do you have a card? 你们有卡吗?Okay, here we go. 好了搞定了Now everyone can see. 现在大家都可以看了All right. (clears throat) 好了(清喉咙)Where do we stand on cross-eyed Mike? 我们为什么会觉得斗鸡眼麦克不错? Y ou know he won't be looking at other girls. 那样他看不到别的女孩了Unless they're sitting on the end of his nose. 除非她们坐在他的鼻子底下Okay, okay, okay. Thumbs down. 好的好的好的往下按Next. 下一个Ew, check out his tiny teeth. 呃快看他的小尖牙He looks like a man-dolphin. 他看起来像个海豚人儿Wait, if he's good in bed, 等等如果他床上功夫好she can throw him a fish. 她还可以扔条鱼奖励他(high-pitched): I love you, Amy. (高音): 我爱你艾米(squeaking) (海豚叫)Okay, I'm starting to feel guilty.好吧我开始有罪恶感了Aren't we being a little mean? 我们是不是有点太刻薄了?That's a fair point. 你的想法是对的We wouldn't make fun of someone like this to their face. 我们不应该取笑别人的长相Look, it's Stuart! 看是斯图尔特!Y ou may want to leave the room. 你可能会不想呆在这儿Right this way, Uncle Harvey.这边走哈维舅舅Will you stop with that already? 你能不能消停会儿?I'm trying not to attract attention. 我正试图消除别人的注意And tipping his hat to the cleaning lady didn't do that? 向清洁工脱帽行礼还不够引人注目吗?She said,buenas noches. What was he supposed to do? 她说"晚上好晚安"他能怎么办? Let's just start the experiment. 我们开始做实验吧Leonard, we should probably have our story straight 莱纳德我们也许应该把我们的故事理顺in case we get caught. 以免我们被抓We're not getting caught. 我们不会被抓到的Well, you can't be sure of that. 嗯你也不能保证What if the helium dealer rats us out? 假如卖家出卖我们怎么办?What if Kripke asks where we got it? 假如克里普克问我们是怎么弄到的怎么办?What if the university checks my family tree 假如学校调查我的家族成员and finds out I don't have an Uncle Harvey? 发现我根本没有舅舅叫哈维呢?The dealer doesn't care, Kripke has no authority over us, 卖家根本不在意克里普克不能越级上报and you being related to a metal container 而你和一个金属容器是亲戚would explain a lot. 这很合情合理Help me hook this up. 帮我把这个扣住Uh-oh. What? 啊哦什么?- Well, did you see this sticker? - What is it? - 嗯看到这个贴纸了吗? - 是什么? It's partially torn off, but the segment that remains reads: 一部分被撕掉了剩下的部分写着property of and the letter U ? 上面写着"所属机构为字母U"It's probably USC 可能是南加利福尼亚大学or UCLA. 或是加利福尼亚大学洛杉矶分校Y eah, but what if it's roperty of U.S. Government? 嗯但是如果它是联邦政府登记在册的呢?There's a national helium reserve in Amarillo, Texas. 在德克萨斯州的阿马里洛有国家贮存的氦气If this was stolen from there, 如果这是从那儿偷的we're accessories to a federal crime. 我们就犯国家罪了Let's not jump to conclusions. 我们别太快下结论- A lot of things start with U. - That's true. - 很多机构都是字母U开头的- 那倒是There's the U.S. Air Force, 美国空军U.S. Department of Defense, U.S. Navy, 美国国防部美国海军Y ou and I are going to jail.你和我会坐牢Listen, we can do the experiment as planned 听着我们可以按计划进行试验and beat the Swedish team to the punch, 然后打败瑞士团队or we can kiss our dreams good-bye because we were 或者我们可以和梦想挥手告别因为我们to afraid to break a few rules. 太害怕而不敢打破常规Ma'am. 您好Okay, does everyone remember the rules? 好大家都知道游戏规则了吧?If he's shirtless, one sip. 如果照片是半裸的喝一口Posing with a pet, two sips. 如果是跟宠物的合照喝两口Pet and shirtless, chug like it's your job. 如果是跟宠物拍的半裸照就一口气干了And pull! 现在开始!I have that same underwear! 我有同款的内裤哎!Chug! 干了!Mm, Amy, you're getting a text. 艾米你有短信Oh, um, give me that. 哦把手机给我I had a great time last night 我昨晚过的很开心No, no, st-stop reading that. 拜托别读了- Who's Dave? - I... - 谁是戴夫? - 我...Y ou went on a date last night? 你昨晚出去约会了吗?Are you seeing someone? 你在跟别人交往吗?No, it-it's not like that. 不不是这样的And I'd love to take you out again 真希望能再跟你出去坐坐Amy! What? 艾米! 不会吧?Can't believe it. Oh, my God. 真是不敢相信天哪Okay, it's like that. 好吧就是这样Thank you for coming back. 谢谢你能再回来Y eah, well, normally I wouldn't, 一般我不会这么做but my daughter's having a sleepover, and there's only 不过我女儿去朋友家过夜了so much screaming and Katy Perry a man can take. 我一个大男人也顶多只能看着水果姐尖叫了{\an8}Katy Perry 人称水果姐美国当红歌手Anyway, if you could just give us our money back, 好吧如果你把钱退给我们you can have your helium and we'll be on our way. 我们就把氦还给你然后各不相欠了Y eah, well, is there something wrong with it? 怎么那氦有什么问题吗?No, nothing. We just changed our mind. 没有是我们改主意了He has glasses and I'm a know-it-all; 从他戴着眼镜我又这么无所不知来看we are not built for prison. 我们绝对不是进监狱的人物Y eah, I hear you. 嗯好吧Well, you're good guys, so I'll, uh... 既然你们都是好人那我...I'll take the helium off your hands. 那我只能把它拿走了Thank you. 太感谢了But you ain't getting your money back. 不过钱我是不会给你们了Y ou're taking advantage of us? 你这是要占我们便宜吗?We clarified nomenclature together. 我们不是以命名法把这个问题说清楚了吗Look, I enjoy semantic digressions 我相信你们下一个合作伙伴肯定跟我一样as much as the next guy, but, uh, this is business. 享受跟你讨论语义学不过没这就是生意之道Y ou know what? 好了好了It's fine. Keep the money. 行吧我们不要钱了We just want to be done with this. 现在我们只想把这件事了结掉No problem, but I am gonna have to charge you 没问题不过我还得收一点点a small helium restocking fee. 补货的钱I don't understand. 我不太懂你的意思He wants more money. 他想再要点钱Well, it better not be more than a thousand dollars; 好吧不过千万别超过一千块that's all I've got on me. 我身上可只有这么多That's exactly how much it is. 我就要这么多Finally, 这下好了something breaks our way. 咱还是得破财免灾I can't believe you're seeing someone 我真不敢相信你跟别人交往and we don't even know about it. 竟然都不告诉我们Y eah, why wouldn't you tell us? 对啊你为什么不告诉我们呢? Because it's new and weird 因为这只是刚开始and I'm just trying to figure it all out. 我想自己先理清楚And I knew 而且如果我告诉你们if I told you guys I had been out 我跟几个人出去约会了with a few people that you'd get way too excited about it. 你们肯定会特别激动A few people? 几个人?- What?! Amy! - Amy! - 啥?! 艾米! - 艾米!So, are we allowed to ask how it's going? 所以我们能问问进展怎么样吗?It's going fine. 还不错It's mostly just been meeting people for coffee. 只是出去喝杯咖啡而已Wha...?! 啥...?!I thought we were all... 我以为我们都会这样...Never mind. 算了I-I thought you weren't ready 我还以为to start seeing people. 你还没有准备好跟其他人交往Well, I don't have much experience dating, 我没什么约会的经验so I decided it would be good for me 所以我觉得出去约几次会to, you know, get out there a little. 对我也是件好事Well, good for you. 对当然是件好事Thank you. 谢谢And how many guys have you gone out with? 你在跟几个人约会?Please be less than two. 老天保佑两个以下- Three. - Damn it. - 三个- 我去Well, the Swedes might beat us, 虽然瑞典人可能赢了我们but at least we won't get gang-noogied in prison. 不过至少我们没被扔进监狱{\an8}这句话是电影《监狱宝贝蛋》的台词Is Ernest Goes to Jail the only prison movie you've seen? 监狱电影你是不是只看过《监狱宝贝蛋》?It scared me straight, Leonard. 你是不知道它有多吓人莱纳德Hey, I've been thinking. 嗨我回去想了想I was being petty. 之前是我太小气了Y ou can have my helium. 我那儿的氦可以给你们Thank you, Barry. 谢谢你巴瑞But you have to add my name to your paper. 不过你们报告里得把我的名字加进去That's preposterous. 这太荒谬了I don't know, seems fair. 这很公平啊Y ou can't do it without me. 反正没有我你们也成不了事Can you give us a minute? 能给我们点时间讨论一下吗?Take your time. 没事慢慢讨论I'll walk out backwards for dramatic effect. 为了营造戏剧效果我要倒着走出去I don't like being extorted like this. 这有点像被敲诈的感觉我不想这样Especially by him of all people. 尤其是被他敲诈Me neither, but what other choice do we have? 我也不想啊但是我们能怎么办?I promise this is the last time. 我保证这是最后一次It says right here on Wikipedia. 维基百科上是这么说的"A Mexican standoff is a confrontation between "墨西哥僵局是指at least three parties." 至少三方双间的对峙"How can you trust Wikipedia 维基百科竟然用"在两者之间"来指三方事物if they use "between" to refer to three parties? 你怎么可以相信啊?They should've used "among," right? 应该用"什么之中"这个词对吧?Or "amongst," if they were feeling whimsically archaic. 想听起来复古一些也可以用"当中"这个词All right, enough with the chitchat. 好了先别闲聊了Are we gonna watch Ernest Goes to Jail or not? 我们到底还要不要看《监狱宝贝蛋》啊?Absolutely. 当然看了But don't be surprised if this movie sets you 不过看完这部电影你可能就再也不敢违法了- on the straight and narrow. - I am open to change. - 我先提醒你一下- 我很乐于改变的第7集Did you hear about this study that found people E07 你们有没有听说一项研究that were cool and popular at 13 十三岁时比较酷比较受欢迎的人have problems succeeding later in life? 长大后却很难成功Hmm. I'm doing okay,and I was very popular at 13. 我现在混的不错十三岁时也很受欢迎n school? 在学校吗Oh, no. At home. 那倒不是是在家里The servants would sing to me, 仆人们会给我唱歌laugh at my jokes... 喜欢我讲的笑话wish I knew their names. 可惜我不知道他们的名字Does the study say 这项研究有没有说what happens to the unpopular kids? 不受欢迎的孩子们会怎么样啊Y ou tell me... you 你说呢刚刚跟你一块儿起床的人woke up in bed with one. 就是个活生生的例子Listen to this. 跟你们说件事just received an e-mail from Wil Wheaton. 刚刚威尔·惠顿给我发了封邮件Leonard Nimoy's son is working on a documentary 说伦纳德·尼莫伊的儿子正在制作一部纪录片that he started with his father before he passed away. 这部纪录片是他父亲生前跟他合作的t's about Mr. Spock and his impact on our culture. 是关于史波克先生及其对美国文化的影响Why is he writing to you? 他为什么给你发邮件Well, they're looking for fans to interview, 他们想采访一位粉丝and Wil thought I'd be good for it. 威尔觉得我很合适Oh. Hey, high five. 哇不错嘛来击个掌Absolutely not. 才不要Y eah, Penny, 对了佩妮you spent some time in front of the camera. 关于拍摄你有些经验。

生活大爆炸第三季迅雷下载
《生活大爆炸》是一部备受观众喜爱的美国情景喜剧，第三季的精彩故事又将在观众面前展开。

然而，对于一些观众来说，他们可能会选择通过迅雷下载来观看这部剧集。

迅雷下载是一种常见的下载方式，它可以让观众在网络上找到他们想要的资源并进行下载。

对于一些人来说，这是一种非常便捷的方式，可以让他们在家里舒适地观看自己喜爱的电视剧。

然而，对于一些人来说，迅雷下载可能会带来一些风险。

一些网站可能存在盗版资源，观众在下载时可能会面临版权问题。

此外，一些下载链接可能会包含恶意软件，给用户的电脑带来安全隐患。

因此，对于观众来说，选择迅雷下载来观看《生活大爆炸》第三季需要谨慎对待。

他们可以选择合法的渠道来观看这部剧集，比如通过正规的视频网站或者订阅平台。

这样不仅可以保证版权合法，也可以避免风险和安全问题。

总的来说，虽然迅雷下载是一种便捷的观影方式，但观众在选择时需要注意风险和合法性，以确保自己的权益和安全。

希望观众们可以在享受《生活大爆炸》第三季的精彩故事时，也能够选择合法的观影方式。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E02 – The Jiminy Conjecture[Scene: The comic book store.]Howard：Sheldon,you're wrong.Wolverine was not born with bone claws.Sheldon：Howard,you know me to be a very smart man.Don't you think if I were wrong,I'd know it? Howard：Okay,first of all...Raj：Give it up,dude.You're arguing with a crazy person.Sheldon：I'm not crazy.My mother had me tested.Leonard：Hey,guys. –Raj：What are you doing here?Leonard：What do you mean? It's new comic book night.Raj：Yeah,but since you and Penny finally hooked up,we thought you two would be having bouncy naked yum-yum night.Leonard：There's more to life than sex,Raj.Howard：Okay,who had "Leonard flames out with Penny in less than 24 hours"?Sheldon：I did.Leonard：Nothing flamed out.We don't have to have sex every night,you know.Howard：You don't have to,but it's highly recommended.Raj：Yeah,take advantage of that window of opportunity before it slams shut on your little dinky.Leonard：It's not a matter of opptunity. We're getting to know each other. There's a learning curve. Howard：What's there to learn?You get naked,do nasty things to each other, then somebody makes scrambled eggs and salami.Easy peasy.Sheldon：Perhaps what Leonard is oblique referring to is the occurrence of some sort of sexual dysfunction. Raj：Okay,who had "Leonard gets a floppy disk"?Sheldon：Oh,a clever,albeit obsolete,euphemism for insufficient blood flow the male sex organ.Leonard：Nothing like that happened,all right? The sex was... just fine.Raj：Just fine?Oh,dude,the fourth Harry Potter movie was "just fine."Leonard：I'm not saying it was bad.I'm just saying it... wasn't great.Howard：Okay,when you say "it wasn'great,"do you mean for both of you?Because we can totally see it not being great for her.Am I right?Raj：Oh,yeah.Leonard：To tell you the truth,I think we were both a little...I don't know.Raj and Howard：Disappointed? Let down? Ashamed? Horrified? Repulsed?Leonard：All I know is,it wasn't the way I dreamed it would be.Howard：Sex is never the way I dream it's gonna be.Raj：That's because in your dreams, you're a horse from the waist down.Sheldon：Excuse me,Wolverine: Origin.Miniseries issue two,page 22.Retractable bone claws.If you people spent less time thinking about sex and more time concentrating on comic books,we'd have far fewer of these embarrassing moments.Credits Sequence[Scene: The apartment.]Leonard：Sheldon,dinner's here.Sheldon：Tandoori Palace?Leonard：No,we went somewhere new.Sheldon：You're good naturedly ribbing me,aren't you?Leonard：No,look,Mumbai Palace.Sheldon：Why?Why would we change?We had a perfectly good palace.Tandoori Palace is our palace. Leonard：Trust me,this will be just fine.Howard：You are the authority on "just fine."Leonard：What's that supposed to mean?Howard(after Raj whispers to him)：Yeah,exactly, "Not bad,but not great".Penny：What are they talking about?Leonard：I don't know.Sheldon：I know.As I'm sure you're aware...Leonard：Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh.Sheldon：If that's Morse code,That's terrible.As I was saying, you and Leonard had a disappointing sexual encounter.Earlier this evening, Leonard characterized as "just fine."So what you're seeing here is a continuation of the mocking that followed. Penny：Okay,yeah,well,I'm just gonna go eat my dinner elsewhere.Leonard：Maybe an airplane headed for a mountainside.Penny,wait.What is wrong with you?Sheldon：I sense I may have crossed some sort of line.Raj：Yeah,you...Howard：No,don't tell him.Let's see if he can figure it out.Penny：Ugh,I am so embarrassed!Leonard：Please don't be mad.Penny：What did you tell them?Leonard：Nothing bad,just that last night was fine.Penny：Fine? You said it was fine?Leonard：Yeah,it's a perfectly good word.You put it in front of "wine" or "dining," and you've really got something.Okay,well,let me ask you this: How was last night for you?Penny：It was... okay.Leonard：Okay?Penny：Yeah,it's a perfectly good word.I mean,you put it in front of "dokay" And you really got something.All right,look,let's not overreact,you know.For a lot of couples,it takes time to get to know each other's rhythms.Learn what the other person was and likes.Leonard：So,you've been through this before?Penny：INo.Leonard：Okay-dokay.Penny：You know,I think this is one of those things where talking about it is not going to make it better. Want a glass of wine?Leonard：So much. OkayPenny：See,we should've done this last night. You know,have a little wine,take the edge off.Leonard：Actually,ethyl alcohol inhibits electrical conduction in the nerve cells and stimulates reuptake receptors of inhibitory neurotranmitters like gamma-aminobutyric acid.Penny：Don't talk,just drink.Howard：No,you're misunderstanding. A shiksa goddess isn't an actual goddess. And we don't pray to them.We prey on them.Raj：Whatever,dude.The point is,Leonard's got one and you don't.Sheldon：Is this it.It was inappropriate to discuss Leonard and Penny's sex life in front of Leonard and Penny (Howard indicates that he has got it.).Oh,good! Now I can eat.Raj：What's that?Howard：Sounds like a cricket.Sheldon：Hang on.Based on the number of chirps per minute and the ambient temperature in this room, it is a snowy tree cricket.Howard：Oh,give me a freakin' break. How could you possibly know that?Sheldon：In 1890,Emile Dolbear determined that there was a fixed relationship between the number of chirps per minute of the snowy tree cricket and the ambient temperature.A precise relationship that is not present withordinary field crickets.Raj：How do you know what the exact temperature of the room is?Sheldon：Under the terms of my roommate agreement with Leonard,I've had unilateral control of thermostat ever since the sweaty night of '06.Howard：Ok,you were right about wolverine and bone claws,but you're wrong about the cricket.Sheldon：Howard,don't embarrass yourself. The science chirps for itself.Humorous word play.Howard：No,no,not this time.I know insects,my friend.I spent many childhood years capturing them with nets,putting them in glass jars,sticking pins through them, mounting them on corrugated cardboard with Dymo labels underneath,identifying the genus and species.In Latin.Raj：Oh,dude,you are never getting a shiksa goddess.Sheldon：That is a snowy tree cricket. Oecanthus fultoni.I was done with Latin by fifth grade.Howard：Okay,okay,tell you what.I am willing to bet anything that's an ordinary field cricket.Sheldon：I can't take your money.Howard：What's the matter,you chicken?Sheldon：I've always found that an inappropriate slur.Chickens are not by nature,at all timid.In fact,when I was young, my neighbor's chiken got loose and chased me up the big elm tree in front of our house.Raj：Chickens can't climb trees.Sheldon：Thank God.Howard：Okay,I believe a chicken made you his bitch.But the cricket thing,I don't buy.Bet me.Sheldon：Fair enough.What stakes do you propose?Howard：I would put my Fantastic Four of No. 48 first appearance of Silver Surfer,against your Flash 123, the classic Flash of two worlds issue.Sheldon：All right,you have a wager.Raj：Hmm. Great.Now how are you going to settle it,hmm?There is no way to determine the species of the criet without examining it.Slight time shift. The guys are searching for the cricket.Raj:I wonder what the non-pathetic people are doing tonight.[Scene: Penny’s apartment, Penny and Leonard are kissing. They break and look at each other uncomfortably.]Leonard：More wine?Penny：Hit me.[Scene: The apartment, the guys are still searching for the cricket. They are inside the cupboard.] Sheldon：I don't see anything.Howard：Shh!Raj：Hallway. (All try to exit at once and get stuck in doorway.)Sheldon：One at a time.(Same thing happens again. Eventually they leave the apartment. There is a growling noise.)What was that?Raj：My stomach.Indian food doesn't agree with me.Ironic,isn't it?Howard：Shh!Elevator shaft.Sheldon：Help me open it.Howard：Are you crazy?We can't go down empty elevator shaft.Sheldon：Fine,if you don't want to proceed,then you forfeit the bet,and I'll take possession of your Fantastic Four.Howard：Let's open her up.Sheldon：Are you bothered that I can so easily manipulate you?Howard：Don't push me,Sheldon.I may be small,but I took kung fu when I was 13,and I remember a good deal of it.Sheldon：Oh,really?Well,I grew up with an older brother and a very contentious twin sister. And I believe Icould easily best you in any physical confrontation-- be it noogies,swirlies or the classic "Why are you hitting yourself?"Raj：Ooh,big talk from a man who was once treed by a chicken.[Scene: Penny’s apartment.]Leonard：What are we drinking now?Penny：Peppermint schnapps.Leonard：Why would you buy peppermint schnapps?Penny：Because I like peppermint,and it's fun to say schnapps.Hey,Leonard?Leonard：What?Penny：Schnapps.Leonard：Schnapps.You're right,that is fun.[Scene: The elevator shaft. Sheldon is inside.]Raj：Be careful.Sheldon：If I were not being careful,your telling me to be careful would not make me careful.Raj(hearing the cricket)：Stairwell.Sheldon：Uh-oh,flashlight went out. I need some batteries.Fellas? Hello? It's really dark down here.[Scene: Penny’s bathroom. Leonard is vomiting in the toilet.]Penny：Oh,sweetie. You really can't hold your liquor,can you?Leonard：I'm okay.Just a little mouthwash and then I'm gonna rock your world.Are you okay?[Scene: The university cafeteria. Raj has the cricket in a jar.]Raj：Ugh,Toby,what did you do in a past life to be so disgusting now?Sheldon：His name isn't Toby. Toby is an absurd name for a cricket.Raj：What would you name him?Sheldon：An appropriate cricket name. For example,Jiminy.Howard：All right,Sheldon,here we go. Kleingast's Field Guide to North American Insects. Hey Toby.Right here. See it?The common field cricket, AK Gryllus assimilis,which is Latin for "suck it,you lose." Sheldon：Hang on.Voilà.The snowy tree cricket. AKA Oecanthus fultoni, which is Latin for I'll suck nothing. Of course I'm joking because the Latin for that is nihil exsorbibo.Howard：That is not Toby, this is Toby.Sheldon：Raj,what do you think?Raj：Oh,I really don't care anymore.Leonard：God,I had the most horrible night.Raj：what happened？Sheldon：Obviously another carnal fiasco with the shiksi goddess.Howard：Shiksa. Shik-sa.Sheldon：Forgive me.Yiddish was not spoken in East Texas.And if it was,it wasn't spoken for long. Howard：Yeah,fine,whatever.The point is,you're wrong again.Sheldon：We haven't established that I'm wrong once. All right.Howard：Tell you what. Let's go down to the Entomology Department and let Professor Crawley tell us what kind of cricket Toby is.Sheldon：He's a snowy tree cricket, and his name is Jiminy.Leonard：I bet I could throw a rock in this room and come up with three better friends.[Scene: The Entomology Department.]Raj：Holy crap.It's like Silence of the Lambs down here.Don't do that.Howard：You're such a girl.The're just bugs.Raj：Yeah,well,I don't like bugs,okay? They freak me out.Sheldon：Interesting.You're afraid of insects and dybugs must render you catatonic.It was a joke.I made it to lessen your discomfort.You're welcome.Prof.Crawley(arriving)：Don't knock.Just walk in.Why be polite to the world's leading expert on the dung beetle?Sheldon：Excuse me,are you Professor Crawley?Prof.Crawley：Who wants to know?Sheldon：I'm Dr. Cooper from the Physics Department.Prof.Crawley：Couldn't wait,huh?Sheldon：I'm sorry?Prof.Crawley：I haven't even packed yet,and you're already measuring my lab for one of your godless laser machines.Howard：No,you don't understand. We just want to ask you a question.Prof.Crawley：Let me ask you one first. What's a world renowned entomologist with a doctorate and 20 years of experience to do with his life when the university cuts off the funding for his lab,huh?Raj：Ask rhetorical questions that make people uncomfortable?Prof.Crawley：What's your deal? Are they planning to outsource my job to Bangalore?Raj：I'm from New Delhi. Maybe you should find another entomologist.Sheldon：No,no. We're here. Let's settle this. Professor,can you identify our cricket?Prof.Crawley：Of course I can. I can identify every insect and arachnid on the planet. Not that that's going to keep me from having to move in with my daughter in Oxnard. And we're not talking Oxnard at the beach. No! We're talking Oxnard in the onion fields.Howard：Well,could you look at Toby?Prof.Crawley：Toby?What a stupid name for a cricket.Sheldon：Told ya.Prof.Crawley：It's a field cricket.Howard：Yes!Sheldon：No,no,wait.Dr. Crawley,are you sure?Prof.Crawley：Young man,I've been studying insects since I was eight years old.You know what they used to call me in school?Creepy Crawley.Sheldon：Cruel as that may be, But this is not in itself a credential.Prof.Crawley：Let me show you something.See that?That's a Crawley's dung beetle. I discovered it after spending six months slogging Through a Bornean rain forest, While my wife was back home shacking up with a two-bit ornithologist Who lives on a sailboat and likes to wear boot-cut jeans! So,when I tell you that it's a common field cricket, You can take that to the damn bank! 'Cause God knows I can't!That tramp took me for everything!Sheldon：Well,apparently,I was wrong.Congratulations.Raj：Enjoy Oxnard.I'm sure your daughter's looking forward to having you.[Scene: The lobby.]Penny：Oh,hey,Sheldon.What you got there? New comic book?Sheldon：Old comic book.I just retrieved it from my safe deposit box.Penny：What do you have a safe deposit box for?Sheldon：Old comic books.I lost this to Wolowitz in an ill-considered cricket wager.Penny：What,do they have Wii cricket now?That can't be very popular.Sheldon：Penny,I'd rather not talk about it.Penny：Well,if it makes you feel any better,I'm not feeling so hot either.Sheldon：Why would that make me feel better?Penny：I don't know,empathy? Anyway,I'm just saying,That you're feeling upset about something with Howard,-And I'm upset about something with Leonard.Sheldon：Yes.Yes,the disappointing sex. That's an inexact parallel.You and Leonard can always return to being friends,Whereas I can never return to a state In which Wolowitz has not bested me Like Mrs. Riley's chicken.Penny：What's Mrs. Riley's chicken?Sheldon：A chicken that was owned by MrsRiley.Penny：Okay,forget the chicken.Sheldon：Well,I wish I could.Penny：No,no.You may be right about me and Leonard.Sheldon：Of course I'm right.What are the odds I'd be wrong twice in one week?Penny：No,I mean,we can always go back to being friends.Sheldon：I just said that. This conversation has started to circle.Meeting adjourned.[Scene: The apartment]Sheldon: Hello.Leonard：Hi,What's going on?Sheldon：Oh,you'd like to catch up on the events of the day. All right Well,there was a half-hour wait at the bank To get into my safe deposit box, I was forced to talk to Penny about your sexual problems,And,oh,yes,In a moment filled with biblical resonance,Pride wentth before my fall, Causing my Flash 123 to go with to Wolowitz.Leonard：Wait a minute. You talked to Penny about our sex life?Sheldon：Leonard,it astonishes me how you continually fixate on the trivial.I lost a bet to Wolowitz. Leonard：Right,right. You're saying you talked to Penny?Sheldon：Ye-Yes.Leonard：Interesting.Sheldon：Hardly.Leonard：Excuse me.Sheldon：Have I crossed some sort of line again?Leonard：Little bit.Oh,who cares?[Scene: Penny’s doorway.]Leonard：Uh,what did Sheldon say to you?Penny：Not a lot.Just that we always have the option of going back to being friends.Leonard：Is that what you want?Penny：I don't know.I mean,you have to admit Things seemed simpler when we were just friends. Leonard：I guess.Penny：It would take the pressure off.Leonard：It would,wouldn't it?Penny：So,we'll just be friends.Leonard：Good.Good.Penny：Come here.(She gives him a hug. It turns into a big kiss.)Leonard (closing door): Okay-dokay。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E17 – The Precious FragmentationScene: The stairwell. Leonard is carrying a large box.Leonard: Why do I always have to carry the heavy stuff?Sheldon: Well, it‟s very simple. In our ragtag band of scientists with nothing to lose, I‟m the smart one, Wolowitz is the funny one, and Koothrappali is the lovable foreigner who struggles to understand our ways and fails. That leaves you, by default, as the muscle.Leonard: One more floor, and I‟d be the pulled muscle.Penny (who is inside the apartment): Oh, it‟s about time, I‟m starving.Leonard:Uh, well, we didn‟t actually get Chinese food.Penny: Why not?Leonard:Don‟t panic, this is better.Penny:Oh, no, you didn‟t trade the food for magic beans, did you?Sheldon: Of course not. And, technically, magic beans would be food, although eating them would be quite a waste, since you could plant them and overnight have a giant beanstalk, which would provide enough roughage for a small city.Penny: Yeah, sometimes I don‟t listen, some times I just watch your jaw go up and down.Leonard: We were on our way to the Chinese restaurant when we thought we saw Adam West, so we followed him.Penny: Who‟s Adam West?Sheldon: Who‟s Adam West? Leonard, what do the two of you talk about after the c oitus?Howard:My guess is, “Hey, four minutes! New record!” That‟s why I‟m the funny one.Leonard: Anyway, we followed the guy to this garage sale, and they had the coolest stuff.Howard: They were closing up. We got this whole box for sixty bucks.Leonard:We didn‟t even get to go through it all. There could be anything in here.Penny: There a new girlfriend in there? …Cause you might need one.Leonard: No. But there is an original final draft Ghostbusters script with actual slime stains! (Raj whispers to Leonard) Oh, you‟re right, it‟s Ghostbusters 2. Never mind.Howard: Oh, my God. An Alf doll. When I was 11 my mother got me one to help me sleep after my dad left. I used to pretend that my dad had moved to the planet Melmac, and Alf was going to bring him back to me. But he never did. Where‟s my daddy, puppet? Where is he?Penny: That is so sad.Sheldon:No, what‟s sad is that you don‟t know Adam West was TV‟s Batman.Credits sequenceScene: The sameLeonard:Here‟s Spock‟s head with no body. Here‟s Mr. T‟s body with no head. Oh, yeah, here‟s Spock‟s body with Mr. T‟s head. I pity the fool who‟s illogical.Penny:Okay, I‟m just gonna go home and make a grilled cheese and window-shop on eHarmony.Leonard: Okay, bye.Penny: Okay.Leonard: Ooh, look, an Indiana Jones connect-the-dots.Raj: And an Aquaman action figure.Howard: Looks like someone drew a penis on him.Raj: H uh? That‟ll come off.Howard:You see what you‟re doing? Stop that.Sheldon: Fascinating.Leonard: What?Sheldon: It appears to be a Lord of the Rings ring.Leonard: Oh.Raj: It‟s even got the Elvish engraving on it.Sheldon: I t‟s not Elvish. It‟s the language of Mordor written in Elvish script. One Ring torule them all.Raj: One Ring to find them.Howard: One Ring to bring them all.Leonard: And in the darkness bind them.Raj: Holy crap, are we nerdy.Scene: The Cheesecake FactoryHoward: So, I was doing some checking on the ring.Raj: Hold on. Sheldon, is there ketchup on that table?Sheldon: Yes, there is. Oh, here‟s a fun fact, ketchup s tarted out as a general term for sauce, typically made of, uh, mushrooms or fish brine with herbs and spices. Some popular early main ingredients included blueberry, anchovy, oyster, kidney bean and grape.Raj: No, that‟s okay. I‟ll get it.Howard: Listen, I was looking at the ring, and it seemed a little weird. No copyright notice on it. So, I took it down to this buddy of mine who deals with, shall we say, the seedy underbelly of the collectibles world.Leonard: Seedy underbelly?Howard: You know, your black market phasers, your screen-worn Lieutenant Uhura panties, that kind of stuff. Raj:Who‟s this mysterious buddy you suddenly have?Howard: Just a guy. I know a guy.Raj: Is it Eddie Crispo?Howard: No, I can‟t tell you who it is. Stop asking.Raj: Who else could it be? It has to be Eddie Crispo.Howard: I know lots of dangerous people, okay?Raj: Name one.Howard: Eddie Crispo. Anyway, he said this isn‟t a replica. It‟s the real deal.Sheldon: If you‟re suggesting that that is the actual ring of power f orged by Sauron in Mount Doom, I look at you with an expression of exhaustion and ever so slight amusement.Leonard:He‟s not saying it‟s a magic ring. You‟re not, are you?Howard: No, but it‟s close. Look at the markings inside. Those are production marki ngs. Nine rings were made for use in the Lord of the Rings movies. Three were given to members of the cast. The rest were destroyed. Except one. One was stolen. Gentlemen, this is the one ring.Sheldon (snatching it): Mine!Leonard: No, it is not yours. We all went in on the box together.Sheldon: Well, yes, but I found it in the box, and the laws of maritime salvage clearly state that the finder of asunken treasure is the owner of the treasure.Leonard: How is this maritime salvage?Sheldon: Other than the lack of water, how is it not?Raj: Wait, wait. Sheldon, stop being crazy for a second. How much is something like this worth?Howard: Well, it‟s tough to say since it‟s hot, but on the underground market, my guy figures…Raj: Your guy Eddie Crispo?Howard: Yes. He figures ten, maybe 15 thousand.Raj: Okay, that‟s a lot of money. The wise thing to do is invest it in something practical. Like a jet ski.Howard: Why do you want a jet ski?Raj: All the wealthy and beautiful people in movies ride Jet Skis. Tha t can‟t just be a coincidence.Sheldon: We can‟t sell it. We have to keep it and love it and polish it, and only take it out occasionally when we go to the park and re-enact our favourite scenes from the movies.Howard: It‟s sad how great that sounds.Leonard: Guys, it‟s stolen. It should go back to Peter Jackson. He made the movies, it belongs to him.Howard: Fine. He can have it back as long as he promises to make me a hobbit in his next movie.Raj: There are no Jewish hobbits.Howard: Clearly, you‟ve nev er been to my house for dinner on Rosh Hashanah.Leonard: We are not blackmailing Peter J… All right, where‟s the ring?Sheldon: You mean my ring?Leonard: What are you doing?Sheldon: The ring was unguarded, it was just sitting on the table, anyone could have taken it. Proof? I did. Leonard: Give me that.Raj:Look, let‟s be reasonable. We all want to do different things with the ring, but your ideas are stupid, and I want a jet ski.Sheldon: I found it. The ring is mine. I don‟t understand why in this gro up I never get my way.Leonard: You always get your way.Sheldon: I‟ll stipulate to that if you give me the ring.Penny: Hey, guys. Enjoying your food that I actually brought you instead of promising food, but bringing you a box of random crap?Leonard: Ye ah, it‟s delicious, the sarcasm‟s a little stale, though. Hey, how about this? Until we figure out what to do with the ring, Penny holds on to it.Penny: What ring?Leonard: This ring.Sheldon: Looking for something?Leonard: Will you hold on to this for a couple of days?Penny: Why?Leonard: It‟s a prop from a movie, and we‟re kind of fighting over it.Penny: Okay, just to be clear, the first piece of jewellery my boyfriend gives me is a prop from a movie, and I don‟t even get to keep it?Howard: I f you ha d gone out with me three years ago, by now, you‟d have my great Aunt Ida‟s brooch that she smuggled out of occupied Belgium in a cat.Leonard: How am I looking now?Scene: Penny and Leonard are asleep in Leonard’s bed. Sheldon creeps in and tries to take the ring fromround Penny’s neck, but she turns over. He tries to make buzzing fly noises to get her to turn back, but she turns all the way the other way. He then uses an extender with a claw on the end to lif the ring from Penny’s chest. As he tries to remove it, she wakes up, screams, and punches him in the face.Sheldon:Ow! You hit me! I‟m bleeding!Leonard: What was that?Penny: Sheldon tried to take the ring and I punched him.Leonard: That‟s my girl.Scene: The cafeteria.Howard:So, Sheldon, how‟s it feel to get beaten up by a girl?Sheldon: It‟s not the first time. I have a twin sister whose assaults began in utero. If only I‟d had the presence of mind to reabsorb her, then I‟d have a mole with hair in it instead of a tedious yearly Christmas let ter.Raj: Gentlemen, have you come to the realization that the only reasonable course of action is to sell the ring and divide the money?Leonard: No.Raj: I was afraid of that. (Opens his laptop to reveal an Indian looking man on a webcam.) Go ahead.Man on Screen: Greetings from Mumbai. I am Raj‟s attorney, Venkatesh Koothrappali.Raj: Also my cousin.Howard: You brought a lawyer?Venkatesh: Don‟t answer that. I‟ll get straight to the point. My client‟s prepared to surrender any interest he has in the ring in exchange for two Kawasaki Jet Skis.Leonard: We‟re not giving him two Jet Skis.Venkatesh: Look, we‟re big boys, why don‟t we just cut to the chase and meet in the middle? One Kawasaki Jet Ski, done and done.Leonard: No Jet Skis.Venkatesh: All right, forget the Jet Skis.Raj: Forget the Jet Skis? That was our line in the sand! What happened to “tear them a new one?”Venkatesh: What can I say? They played hardball. We lost.Raj: You‟re useless.Venkatesh: I told you that when you hired me.Raj:I‟m si gning off now.Venkatesh: Call your mother, she worries.Howard: Okay, just so you know, if we‟re bringing in cousins who are lawyers, prepare for shock and awe. Leonard: You know what? I am ending this. Penny didn‟t want to hold the ring anymore. She gave it to me, I have it. I‟m sending it back. Where‟s the ring?Sheldon: You mean this ring? Next time be aware of your surroundings while urinating in a public men‟s room. Leonard: Give me that.Sheldon: No, it‟s mine.Raj: It‟s all of ours. (They begin to struggle over the ring.)Leonard: Okay, now, this is ridiculous!Howard: Then let go!Leonard:I‟m not letting go, you let go.Howard: I say this ring belongs to the last person who can hold on.Leonard: Fine. But can‟t we go home and start this?Raj: Sure. Let go of the ring.Leonard: All right, it starts now.Howard: You do realize there‟s a giant bug movie marathon tonight on the Syfy Channel. (They start to move away from the table while all still holding the ring.)Raj: Wait, my laptop. (They go back for it.)Scene: The stairwell. The guys are coming up the stairs, all still holding the ring.Howard:You know, there‟s a point when this becomes idiotic.Leonard:And it wasn‟t when we were driving like this?Sheldon:I would advise the three of you that resistance is futile. I have endless patience. I once spent two-and-a-half hours on hold with Hewlett-Packard customer service just to complain about their customer service. Leonard: You want to talk about endless patience? Penny made me watch all five seasons of Sex and the City. Raj: There are six seasons, dude.Leonard: Oh, crap!Raj: No, no, no, the sixth season is great. We go to Paris with Carrie and get our heart broken, and then Mr. Big shows up, we don‟t know if we can trust him again. It‟s a wild r ide.Leonard: Door. (Leonard tries to unlock the door and drops the keys.)Raj: Okay, everybody, and plie. And relevae.Penny:Whatcha doin‟?Leonard: Last one holding the ring decides its fate. I know, it sounds silly.Penny: No, no, no, no, no, no, you are my boyfriend. Nothing you do is silly to me.Leonard: Thank you.Penny:FYI, this is a bag from Victoria‟s Secret.Leonard: I‟m out.Scene: The apartment. The three guys are still holding the ring. Howard is on the phone.Howard: I‟m sorry, Ma, I have to stay late at the office.Raj: No, he‟s doesn‟t! He‟s lying to you!Howard: Will you be quiet?Raj:Well, if you want privacy let go of the ring. I‟m so glad we came to this gentile strip club! Howard, here‟s more bacon to tuck into the shiksa‟s G-string!Howard:I‟ll call you back.Raj: I think it‟s lovely you call your mommy and let her know you‟re going to be late for dinner. From what I know about these things, if a woman doesn‟t breast-feed on time, it‟s very uncomfortable for her boobies.Howard: D on‟t you talk about my mother‟s boobies!Raj: I f you‟re offended, let go of the ring and go on home to your mother‟s boobies.Sheldon:Excellent, excellent. Tire each other out, the ring will be mine. Howard, why don‟t you go after Raj‟s mother?Raj: Why d on‟t we go after your mother?Sheldon:Go ahead. I have no illusions about my mother. She is a kind, loving, religiously fanatical right-wing Texan with a slightly out-of-scale head and a mild Dr. Pepper addiction. Anything you‟d like to add?Howard: That‟s not gonna Better pull out the big gun.Raj: You‟re right. Let‟s talk about your grandmother.Sheldon: No! I call no Meemaws.Raj: Think about this. The only way your mother was born was your Meemaw had sex.Sheldon: I don‟t want to hear this.Howard: Then let go of the ring and walk away.Sheldon: Never.Howard:All right. I‟ll bet your Meemaw didn‟t just have sex to have your mother. I bet she had sex because she liked it.Sheldon: Stop it!Raj: Yeah, Meemaw did the nasty.Sheldon: I said stop it!Howard: We‟re getting to him.Sheldon: Waterfalls!Raj: What?Sheldon: Waterfalls. Crashing waves. Babbling brooks.Howard: What are you doing?Sheldon:Subliminal messaging. I‟m going to make you want to pee. Dripping faucets. Leaky gutter. Peeing.Raj: It‟s, it‟s not working, dude.Sheldon: Oh-ho-ho, it‟s working all right. I have to pee.Raj: T hen let go of the ring and go.Howard: No, actually, I wouldn‟t mind going, too.Raj: Fine. Um, on the count of three. One, two…Sheldon: Wait, just to clarify. When you get to three, do we stand up or do we pee?Howard: We stand up.Sheldon: Excellent choice.Raj: Three.Howard: Something tells me this was a bad day to wear suede shoes.Scene: Sometime later. The guys are on the settee. Howard is seen asleep, he is not holding the ring. The camera pans along to where Sheldon and Raj still hold the ring. Raj, also asleep, lets go and cuddles up to Howard.Sheldon: I‟ve done it! I‟ve won! The ring is mine! It‟s mine! (He runs to the bathroom) We‟re going to clean it up an d make it pretty. My own. My love. My precious. (He looks in the mirror and has turned into golem. He screams and wakes up, still on the settee.) Where‟s the ring?Leonard:It‟s in a FedEx box on its way back to where it came from.Raj: T he fires of Mount Doom?Leonard: Peter Jackson‟s office in New Zealand. It wasn‟t ours.Howard: You quit the game! You had no right to take it.Leonard: I came in here, you guys were all sleeping. The ring was on the floor. No one was touching it.Raj: Well, so then we star t the game over until there‟s a winner.Leonard: There wasn‟t ever going to be a winner. There was going to be a selfish, petty person with a ring and three people who used to be his friend. Is that really what you guys want? …Cause if it is, fine, I don‟t want anything to do with you. And I don‟t know what happened in that bathroom, but I am not cleaning it up! (Goes to his bedroom. Takes a box from under his bed. Takes out the ring.) My precious.Scene: Leonard and Penny are asleep in Leonard’s bed. The extender and claw reaches across and pullsdown the sheet revealing the ring on a chain round Leonard’s neck.Sheldon: I knew it. Give us the precious!Leonard: NEVER!(They begin to struggle, both shouting “give it”, “give it to me” and “it’s mine” at var ious intervals. Penny gets out of the bed and heads out the door.)Penny: U gh, gotta go back to dating dumb guys from the gym.。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E12 – The Psychic VortexScene: The apartment.Leonard:Look at us. Getting ready for a double date with actual women who publicly acknowledge they’re our girlfriends.Howard: Yes, actual women are the best.Sheldon: I don’t understand. What other kind of women are there?Leonard: Howard, artificial women are your department. You want to take this?Howard:No, it would just freak him out. Listen, before we leave, I should warn you, I’m a passionate man and I tend towards public displays of affection.Leonard: What are you trying to tell me, Howard?Howard: There might be some making out in the car or the restaurant, and I don’t want Bernadette to feel uncomfortable, so it would help if you and Penny made out, too.Leonard: D on’t worry. We’re planning to have sex right on the salad bar.Raj(arriving): Namaste, white people. Good news! I rented us the four-hour edition of Watchmen. Leonard: Got it.Howard: Seen it.Sheldon: Detailed analysis posted online.Raj: Well, then what are we going to do tonight?Leonard: Uh, sorry, Raj. Howard and I are going out to dinner with Penny and Bernadette.Howard: Yeah, no more carefree bachelor nights for me and Leonard. These broncos have been saddled. Leonard: How did we get actual women?Raj: Great. They get girlfriends, and they just abandon us?Sheldon:It is great, isn’t it? We have a wonderful evening ahead of us.Raj: We do?Sheldon:Oh, yes. I just discovered I don’t have enough room on my hard drive for a Linux partition, so you and I are going to perform a full backup, reinitialize and then reinstall all my operating systems.Raj:I don’t want to do that.Sheldon:All right. Well, I’m going to perform full backup, reinitialize and then reinstall all my operating systems.Raj: What about me?Sheldon: Well, I understand there are several types of artificial women. Maybe you should look into that.Credits sequence.Scene: A little later.Raj: Dude, there’s so many cool things we could be doing tonight. Look. At the Glendale Galleria, put on your best zoot suit, it’s a salute to Swing music in the center court near Macy’s. 5pm to 9pm, huh, huh? A salute to zoot. Sounds like a hoot.Sheldon: I’m sorry, Raj, I have no desire to salute any article of clothing tonight. Much less one that’s linked to race riots in the 1940s.Raj: Race riots?Sheldon: The zoot suit riots.Raj: Oh. I always thought that was some sort of after-Christmas sale. Well, then why don’t we just go to the galleria and walk around?Sheldon:I don’t need anything at the G alleria. Do you need anything at the Galleria?Raj: No. We would just walk around and see what’s what.Sheldon: That’s a semantically null sentence.Raj: Okay, well, how about this? From the university Web site, 7pm to 10pm, Norton Hall Multipurpose Room, mixer for grad students and faculty of the science and humanities departments. Whether you split atoms or infinitives, this is the place to be.Sheldon: Well, that’s certainly amusing, but I have no interest.Raj: Come on, Sheldon, the world is filled with people doing things outside. Let’s go outside. Outside is good.Sheldon: If outside is so good, why has mankind spent thousands of years trying to perfect inside?Raj:I don’t know, it’s a marketing scheme. Please, Sheldon, I’m a young, virile visitor fro m a foreign land and I need to strut my stuff.Sheldon: Let me offer you a compromise. Sometimes when I feel stifled and want a change of scenery, I use my imagination.Raj: Oh, boy.Sheldon:One of my favourite places to visit is the two-dimensional world described in Edwin Abbott’s mathematical fantasy, Flatland.Raj:I don’t want to go to Flatland.Sheldon:You’re only saying that because you haven’t been there. I am now a hexagon in two-dimensional space and can only perceive the edges of other objects.Raj: Oy.Sheldon: Is that you, Raj? I don’t recognize your edge.Raj: Sheldon, I’m begging you. I want to go to this mixer, and I don’t want to go alone.Sheldon: Well, you’re in luck, there’s a mixer here in Flatland. Oh, look, there’s a sexually attract ive line segment, you should chat her up.Raj: What?Sheldon:Tell her you’re a circle, Flatland gals are all hot for circles.Scene: Leonard’s car.Leonard: I hope you’re hungry, Bernadette, we’re going to a terrific restaurant.Bernadette: Oh, yeah, I’m starved. When you spend all day in a bio-lab, watching flesh-eating bacteria skeletonize small rodents it really works up an appetite.Howard: Flesh-eating bacteria. And yet, I still want to kiss this woman, what does that tell you?Penny: That you’d be w illing to die a horrible death on the off-chance you’d get to second base? Bernadette: Oh, we’re way past second base. Right, Howard?Howard: Well, we kind of disagree about what the bases are.Bernadette: How’s your work going, Penny? Any acting jobs?Penny: Well, the last big thing I did was this production of Diary of Anne Frank above a bowling alley. But I think things might be turning around pretty soon.Leonard: Great. How come?Penny: Well, promise you won’t make fun of me.Leonard: Of course, I would never make fun of you.Penny: Okay. Well, I went to this psychic who told me that if I cut my hair, I’m going to get a national commercial.Leonard (laughing): Seriously? You’re getting career advice from a psychic?Howard: Good job not making fun of her.Penny: She’s not one of those phonies, okay. She wrote a book and has her own Web site.Leonard:Oh, gee, why didn’t you say so? They don’t let just anyone have a Web site.Penny: Why are you being such a jerk?Leonard:You’re surprised? Your psychic didn’t tell you I was going to be a jerk?Penny: Ha-ha, bite me.Leonard: Come on, Penny.Howard: Why don’t you kids go ahead and chat? We’re gonna make out back here.Bernadette:I’m sliding into third.Scene: The university mixer.Raj: Thanks for coming with me.Sheldon: Thanks for giving me your limited edition Green Lantern lantern.Raj: Did you really have to bring it in with you?Sheldon: What if evil strikes and my power ring runs low?Raj: Come on, let’s get a drink.Sheldon:I don’t drink.Raj: Yeah, well I do. And when my wingman is carrying a Green Lantern lantern, I drink a lot. I’ll have a screwdriver, please. Don’t be chintzy with the screw.Sheldon: I would like a root beer float.Raj: Sheldon, they don’t have ice cream.Sheldon: They don’t? Wel l, apparently, these people and I differ greatly on the definition of party.Raj:He’ll have a Shirley Temple.Sheldon: And don’t be chintzy with the Shirley.Raj: Okay, let’s check out the females.Sheldon:All right. There’s a female.Raj: T hat’s Professor Wilkinson’s wife, she’s like 80 years old.Sheldon: But she’s female. Isn’t that the game?Raj:No. I’m looking for a hookup.Sheldon: Oh, yes. So, the point of this exercise is for you to find someone to copulate with?Raj: Not so loud, but ideally, yes. Thanks.Sheldon: Thank you. And what is my function as wingman?Raj: You help me run my game.Sheldon: Okay. What is your game?Sheldon: When I lie through my teeth to a woman, you nod and agree.Girl:Hey, that’s pretty cool. What is it?Sheldon:It’s a limited edition Green Lantern lantern. My friend is looking for someone to copulate with. Girl: You’re very funny. I’m Abby.Sheldon: I’m Sheldon. How do you do?Raj: How do you do? Rajesh Ramayan Koothrappali. Call me Raj.Abby: Hi, Raj. Where are you from?Raj: The mysterious subcontinent of India.Abby: Ooh, India.Raj: You know India?Abby: I saw Slumdog Millionaire.Raj: Well, I’m a slumdog astrophysicist.Sheldon: I thought your father was a gynaecologist. I’m sorry. (Smiles and nods)Abby: Martha, come here. Meet Raj and Sheldon. This is my friend, Martha.Martha: Hi.Raj: Hello.Sheldon: Hello.Martha: Is that the limited edition Green Lantern lantern?Sheldon: In brightest day, in darkest night, no evil shall escape my sight.Martha: Oh, that is so awesome.Sheldon: Thank you. Have you chosen one to copulate with?Scene: A restaurant.Bernadette: So, what should we talk about?Howard: Well, we could always learn more about why people who believe in psychics are idiots. Leonard? Penny: Oh, we don’t need to talk about that anymore. Leonard covered it pretty well in the car. Leonard: I’m sorry, but facts are facts.Penny:Right, and if you can’t understand it, it’s not a fact.Leonard: No, if it’s not a fact, it’s not a fact.Penny: Oh, got it. Thank you for educating me.Leonard: You’re welcome. How’s your fish?Penny: Amazing. Would you like to try some?Leonard: Yeah, sure.Penny:Well, the fact is, you can’t.Leonard:Come on, Howard, Bernadette, you’re both scientists. Help me out here.Howard: Wh at do you think? Want to jump right into the middle of another couple’s argument? Bernadette: No, thank you.Howard: Sorry.Leonard: Maybe we should just stop talking about this.Penny: Maybe some of us should stop talking altogether.Waiter: How is everything tonight?Bernadette: Really uncomfortable.Scene: The stairwell.Leonard:You know, the best thing about being in a committed, monogamous, mutually supportive relationship is that even if you have different ideas, you can have a spirited debate, yet still care for, even make love with… (she shuts the door in his face) Want your fish? (Opens door, takes fish, closes it again) I knew you were going to do that. Doesn’t make me psychic! Attaboy, Leonard, make it worse. (Opens his own apartment door to find Sheldon, Raj and the two girls playing Rock Band and performing American Woman)Leonard:What’s going on?Sheldon: We scored. I’m the wingman.Scene: Leonard’s lab.Howard: Hey.Leonard(handing him protective glasses): Laser.Howard: Had a great night last night. I don’t like to kiss and tell, but somebody made it to eighth base. Leonard: What the hell is eighth base?Howard: Seventh base with shirt off. Well, my shirt. How’d things go with Penny?Leonard:Oh, couldn’t be better.Howard: Are we taking our relationship frustrations out on innocent Cylons?Leonard:It’s not just Cylons. Superman’s next.Howard: All right, I was going to try to squeeze in a little more mocking before lunch, but I can come back later when you don’t have a high-powered weapon.Leonard: How can I go out with a woman who believes in psychics?Howard: Hey, I once dated a girl who believed she was abducted by aliens.Leonard:And that didn’t bother you?Howard: Au contraire. It meant she was gullible and open to a little probing.Leonard:What am I supposed to do, pretend I believe something I don’t whenever I’m with Penny? Howard:Hey, I’m sure Penny fakes all kinds of things when she’s with you.Leonard: Do me a favour, lean over, put your head right here.Howard: Let me show you another way to look at this. Here we have the universe of all women. These are the ones you want to sleep with. These are the women who believe exactly what you believe. These are the women who would be willing to sleep with you. And right there in theli ttle triple intersection is your ideal mate. Odds are she’s a short physicist with low self-esteem who lives in a government research facility in China.Leonard: What’s your point? In order to keep having a sexual relationship with Penny, I have to give up everything I believe in, my intellectual integrity, the very nature of who I am? I can’t do that, Howard. Howard: I respect that. (Takes Leonard’s hand, draws a dot on it.)Leonard: What is that?Howard: Your new girlfriend. Have fun tonight.Scene: The apartment. Sheldon is learning Finnish.Sheldon:The dog… koira. The roof… katto. Grapes… ryp leet. (There is a knock on the door) One minute. Sis n.Raj: What was that?Sheldon:It means come in. It’s taking forever to load the new operating system on my computer. I disinfected the kitchen and the bathroom, and now I thought I’d learn Finnish.Raj: (Hindi)That’s Hindi for whatever floats your boat. Uh, listen, I got a text from that girl Abby, and she and her friend Martha want to hang out with us again. What do you say?Sheldon: I don’t say anything. I merely offer you a facial expression that suggests you’ve gone insane. Raj: I don’t get it. You had a great time.Sheldon: Yes, exactly, I had a great time. That’s done, I’ve moved on to other things. For example, after I learn Finnish, I’m not going to learn Finnish again.Raj: Please, Sheldon, I’m a lost Indian boy far from home, and I want a girlfriend and I want her to be Abby, and she’ll only come over if she can bring Martha.Sheldon: Raj, I highly doubt there is any argument you can make, threat you might levy, rhetorical strategy, plea, invocation, supplication, or… vetoomus that you can employ that would convince me to reconsider. Raj: My Incredible Hulk hands signed by Stan Lee.Sheldon: Oh, my. I’ve admired these for years.Raj: So does that mean we can go with the girls again?Sheldon: Hulk agree to second date with puny humans!Raj:You can’t wear the hands on the date.Sheldon: Hulk sad.Scene: The laundry room.Leonard: Hey. Cleaning out the old dryer lint, huh? Not only is it courteous, it’s safety smart. Every year, 15,000 fires are caused by accidental dryer lint ignition. Now you’re supposed to say, wow, what an interesting fact. Come here, you crazy, nerdy guy. I could never be mad at you.Penny: Wow, that’s all you got after you were the most obnoxious person on a double date that included Howard Wolowitz?Leonard:No, I’m sorry. I really am. It’s not right to mock what a person believes in.Penny: Thank you. Would you be willing to go to my psychic and see what it’s all about?Leonard: Would you be willing to read a book that concisely explains how all psychics are frauds? Penny: I would not.Leonard:Okay, let’s go see your psychic.Penny: Really?Leonard: Well, yeah, one of us has to keep an open mind.Penny: You saying I don’t have an open mind?Leonard: No, not at all. Let me help you with this stuff.Penny: You know, I believe in ghosts, too.Leonard: Great.Penny: And astrology.Leonard: I know, and pyramid power and healing crystals.Penny: Oh, no, no, no, crystals don’t work.Leonard: Really, that’s the line? Psychics are real, but crystals are voodoo?Penny:Oh, voodoo’s real. You don’t want to mess with voodoo.Scene: The apartment.Martha: Flatland is more than just a mathematical essay. It is also a treatise on Victorian social mores. Sheldon: You know, I had never considered that. Wow, that’s going to completely change my visits there. Well, it’s late.Martha: Uh-huh.Sheldon: Time for bed.Martha: Okay.Sheldon: Good night, puny human! (He gets up and leaves).Scene: Outside Sheldon’s bedroom.Martha: Sheldon?Sheldon: Yes?Martha: Listen, they’re kind of getting busy in the living room, and I was wondering if I could hang out in here for a while.Sheldon: Well, I suppose. Com e in. I’ll sleep in Leonard’s room. Good night。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E03 – The Gothowitz Deviation[Scene: The apartment kitchen. Penny is cooking breakfast while singing and dancing along to “Man I Feel Like A Woman” by Shenia Twain. Sheldon enters.]Penny: Morning, Sheldon. Come dance with me.Sheldon: No.Penny: Why not?Sheldon: Penny, while I subscribe to the many worlds theory which posits the existence of an infinite number of Sheldons in an infinite number of universes, I assure you that in none of them am I dancing.Penny: Are you fun in any of them?Sheldon:The math would suggest that in a few I’m a clown made of candy. But I don’t dance.Penny: All right, want some French toast?Sheldon:It’s Oatmeal Day.Penny: Tell you what, next French Toast Day, I will make you oatmeal.Sheldon: Dear Lord, are you still going to be here on French Toast Day?Leonard: Morning.Sheldon: Look, Leonard, Penny made French toast.Leonard:Sorry. I haven’t given her your schedule yet.Sheldon:It’s an iCal download, she can put it right in her phone. And I thought we agreed that you’d have your conjugal visits in her apartment.Leonard: We did, but there were extenuating circumstances.Sheldon: I see. Did her abysmal housekeeping skills finally trump her perkiness?Leonard: No, her bed kind of… br oke.Sheldon: That doesn’t seem likely. Her bed’s of sturdy construction. Even the addition of a second normal size human being wouldn’t cause a structural failure, much less a homunculus such as yourself.Penny: A homunculus?Leonard: Perfectly formed miniature human being.Penny:Oh, you’re my little homunculus.Leonard: Don’t do that.Penny: Sorry. Okay, who wants syrup and who wants cinnamon sugar?Sheldon: I want oatmeal.Penny: Yes, well, I want a boyfriend whose roommate isn’t a giant pain in the ass.Sheldon: I’m sure that will happen soon enough. But in the meantime, I still want oatmeal.Penny: You know what, I give up. He’s impossible.Sheldon: I can’t be impossible. I exist. I believe what you meant to say is, “I give up, he’s improbable.”Leonard: Sheldon, you really need to find a better way of dealing with Penny.Sheldon: What am I supposed to do, eat French toast on a Monday? Now, that would be impossible. Leonard: I’m just saying, you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.Sheldon: You can catch even more flies with manure. What’s your point?Leonard: It’s a… (gives up)Sheldon: Boy, that does smell good. Too bad it’s Monday.Credits sequence.[Scene: The apartment].Penny: Okay, so Kim the night manager went on maternity leave, and her husband’s name is Sandy, right? So get this, her replacement is a woman named Sandy whose husband’s name is Kim.Penny: I know. What are the odds?Sheldon: Easily calculable, we begin by identifying the set of married couples with unisex names. We then eliminate those unqualified for restaurant work, the aged, the imprisoned and the limbless, for example. Next we look at…Leonard:Sheldon! it’s an amazing coincidence, can we leave it at that?Sheldon: I’m sorry. Ooh, Penny, it’s as if the Cheesecake Factory is run by witches.Penny: Ooh, Sheldon, it’s as if you don’t think I’ll punch you.Leonard: Come on, you guys, let it go.Penny: Fine, whatever. Are you finished?Sheldon: Well, thank you. How thoughtful. Would you like a chocolatePenny: Um, yeah, sure, thanks.Leonard: What was that?Sheldon: You said be nice to Penny. I believe offering chocolate to someone falls within the definition of nice. Leonard: It does. But in my experience, you don’t.Sheldon: There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy. Leonard: Yeah, yeah, now that’s you, obnoxious and insufferable.Howard (arriving, in goth gear): What’s going on, day dwellers?Penny:Oh, man, did the Kiss Army repeal don’t ask, don’t tell?Howard: No. Raj and I are going a goth club in Hollywood to hang with the night people. Anybody want to come along?Penny: Oh, wow, you’re actually going out like that?Howard: No, no. I’m going out like this. (Whips off jacket to reveal tattoos up both arms)Leonard: Howard, what did you do?Howard: They’re called tattoo sleeves. Look. I bought them online, Raj got a set, too. Fantastic, right? Put them on, have hot sex with some freaky girl with her business pierced, take them off, and I can still be buried in a Jewish cemetery.Sheldon: You know, I’ve always wanted to go to a goth nighclub.Howard: Really?Sheldon: Bazinga! None of you ever see my practical jokes coming, do you?Howard: Okay, how a bout you two? Look, I’ve got some extra tat sleeves.Leonard: Why are you carrying extras?Howard: Well, In case I snag one on someone’s nipple ring.Penny: Uh, yeah, I think we’ll pass.Howard: Oh, is the missus speaking for the couple now?Leonard: In this case, you bet she is.Howard (after Raj whispers): Yes, she’s pushy and yes, he’s whipped, but that’s not the expression. Come on, I want to stop at Walgreens and pick up some more eyeliner.Leonard:They’re gonna get beaten up at that club.Penny: They’re gonna get beaten up at Walgreens. Oh, sorry, Sheldon, I almost sat in your spot. Sheldon: Did you? I didn’t notice. Have a chocolate.Penny: Thank you.[Scene: The goth club.]Raj:I think we’re fitting in quite nicely.Howard: It’d help if you weren’t drinking light beer.Raj: Oh, what’s so gothic about vodka and cranberry juice?Howard: Hello, it looks like blood. Did you even read the Wiki How link I sent you on being goth?Raj:No, I’m behind on my wiki-reading I’m kind of on a John Grisham k ick right now.Raj: Well, I finished reading The Pelican Brief and loved it so much, I dived right into The Client. He was a lawyer himself so his novels are accurate as well as entertaining.Howard: Just remember we are lost boys, children of the night.Raj: Great. Lost boys, children of the night. Got it. Can you pass the Chex mix, please. Thank you. We are lost boys.Girl: Good for you.Howard: I’m actually much morelost than he is.Girl: Nice ink.Howard: Thanks. Can we buy you ladies a drink?Girl: Two light beers.Raj: Light beers? Well, Wiki-how about that?Second girl:What’s your names?Howard:I’m Howard.Raj: Raj.Girl:I’m Bethany.Howard: Nice to meet you, Bethany.Raj: Yes, very nice.Bethany: Nice to meet you too.Second girl: I’m Sarah. Not that anyone cares.Raj: Do either of you ladies enjoy the novels of John Grisham?[Scene: The apartment. ]Penny: What’s this cartoon called again?Leonard: Oshikuru: Demon Samurai.Sheldon: And it’s not a cartoon, it’s anime.Penny: Anime. You know, I knew a girl in high school named Anna May. Anna May Fletcher. She was born with one nostril. Then she had this bad nose job and basically wound up with three.Sheldon: You’re here a lot now.Penny: Oh, am I talking too much? I’m sorry. Zip.Sheldon: Thank you. Chocolate?Penny: Yes please. (Her phone rings) Oh. Hey, Kim. Yeah, I… (sees Sheldon looking disapprovingly) You know what, hold on, let me take this in the hall. (Sheldon silently offers her another chocolate. She takes it.) You’ll never guess who they got to replace you at work…Leonard: Okay, I know what you’re doing.Sheldon: Really?Leonard: Yes, you’re using chocolates as positive reinforcement for what you consider correct behaviour. Sheldon: Very good. Chocolate?Leonard: No, I don’t want any chocolate! Sheldon, you can’t train my girlfriend like a lab rat.Sheldon: Actually, it turns out I can.Leonard: Well, you shouldn’t.Sheldon: There’s just no pleasing you, is there, Leonard? You weren’t happy with my previous approach to dealing with her, so I decided to employ operant conditioning techniques, building on the work of Thorndike and B.F. Skinner. By this time next week, I believe I can have her jumping out of a pool, balancing a beach ball on her nose.Leonard: No, this has to stop now.Sheldon: I’m not suggesting we really make her jump out of a pool. I thought the “bazinga” was implied. I’m just tweaking her personality, sanding off the rough edges if you will.Leonard: No, you’re not sanding Penny.make our lives better?Leonard:Yes, you’re forbidden.Sheldon (Squirting him with a water spray): Bad Leonard.[Scene: The goth club.]Bethany: So what do you guys do?Howard: Oh, you know, goth stuff. Goth magazines, goth music.Raj: Goth food.Sarah: What’s goth food?Raj: Uh… blackened salmon?Bethany: No, I meant what do you do for jobs?Raj: Oh, we’re scientists.Howard: Yeah, you know, the dark sciences.Bethany: What are the dark sciencesRaj: Well, I am an astrophysicist and a lot of that takes place at night. When there are vampires and miscellaneous undead out and about.Howard: Oy vay.Raj: That sounds really cool.Howard: Does it? Okay, if you like space stuff, I design components for the international space station. Which is in space. Where, as I’m sure you know, no one can hear you scream.Raj: So what do you gals do?Bethany: I work at the Gap.Howard: Really? How about that? I’ve been to the Gap.Raj: Yeah, I’ve been there as well. I like your tee-shirts with the little pocket.Sarah: I work there too. Not that anyone cares. You know, this place is boring.Bethany: Yeah. Why don’t we go somewhere else and have some fun?Howard: Okay.Raj: Sure, we like fun.Howard: We are fun people.Raj: Dark and fun.Bethany: Come on, I know a place you’ll really dig.Howard: Did you bring the black condoms?Raj: In my fanny pack.Howard: Let’s go.[Scene: A tattoo parlour. Bethany is getting a tattoo.]Raj: Are you happy now?Howard: Not particularly.[Scene: The apartment.]Penny(voice outside door): Oh’ my God, she didn’t!Leonard: What could she possibly be talking about for so long?Sheldon:Obviously, waitressing at the Cheesecake Factory is a complex socioeconomic activity, that requires a great deal of analysis and planning. Bazinga! You know, using positive reinforcement techniques, I could train that behaviour out of her in a week.Leonard: No.Sheldon: If you let me use negative reinforcement, I can get it done before we go to bed.Leonard: You’re not squirting her in the face with water.Leonard: Forget it.Sheldon: Oh, come on, you can’t tell me that you’re not intrigued about the possibility of building a better girlfriend.Leonard: I’m not. And Penny’s qualities, both good and bad, are what make her who she is.Sheldon: You mean, like that high-pitched, irritating laugh?Leonard: Yes.Sheldon:You wouldn’t prefer a throaty chuckle?Leonard: You’re not changing how Penny laughs.Sheldon: No, that would be incongruous, I was going to lower the whole voice to a more pleasing register. Penny(entering): Uh, sorry guys, that girl is (high pitched) freaky!Sheldon: Come again?Penny (normal voice): Freaky.Sheldon(lower voice): Freaky?Penny(lower voice): Yeah, freaky.Sheldon: Have a chocolate.Penny: Thank you.[Scene: The tattoo parlour. Howard is laying down, preparing to have a tattoo on his lower back]. Raj: Are you seriously going to deface your body just for the possibility you could have cheap sex with a strange girl you met in a bar?Howard: Uh, yeah!Raj: What is your mother going to say?Howard: She’s not going to see it. She takes my temperature orally now.Bethany: What are you going to get, Howard?Howard: Well, I can’t really decide between a screaming devil, this mean little skull or Kermit the Frog. Bethany: Kermit the Frog?Howard: You know (Kermit voice) Hi ho, I’m on Howard’s butt!Bethany: Get the mean little skull, and I’ll see if I can make him smile.Howard: Yeah, I’d like the mean little skull, please.Sarah: What are you going to get, Raj?Raj: With my luck, hepatitisTattooist: Okay, here we go.Howard: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!Tattooist:That’s just rubbing alcohol.Howard: I know, but it was cold. Ow, ow, ow!Tattooist: I’m putting on the stencil.Howard: What comes after the stencil?Tattooist: This.Howard: Aaaaaargh! Okay, that’s it, no needle, no pain, no tattoo.Bethany:What’s the big deal, you’ve done this before.Howard: No, I haven’t, look. (Rips off tattoo sleeves)I’m sorry, I’m a fraud, he’s a fraud.Raj: We’re both frauds.Howard: Yeah, I think I covered that.Raj: But I was summing up.Howard: We’re not goth, we’re just guys.Raj: Very, very smart guys.Bethany: So you were totally scamming us?Howard: Yes. And I wouldn’t blame you if you walked out of here and never wanted to see us again. UnlessBethany: I’m leaving.Sarah:I’m leaving too. Not that anyone cares.Raj: When we tell this story, let’s end it differently.Howard: What are you thinking? Maybe a big musical number?[Scene: The apartment.]Sheldon: Well, I’m going to make some warm milk and then turn in. I trust if you two are planning in engaging in amorous activites, you’ll keep the decibel level to a minimum.Penny: Of course.Sheldon: Thank you. (Throws a chocolate. Penny catches it in her mouth)Penny: Mmm, these are so goodLeonard: Unbelievable.Penny: What?Leonard: I was just thinking, we should probably turn in too.Penny: well, my new bed got delivered, if you come over and put it together, you can stay at my place. Leonard:Really, that’s a lot of work, and it’s kind of late.Penny: Yeah, but if we stay there, we won’t have to be quiet.Leonard: Let’s go.Sheldon: Interesting. Sex works even better than chocolate to modify behaviour. I wonder if anyone else has stumbled on to that.[Scene: Raj’s car.]Howard: Okay, wait, how about this? We say there were four goth girls, the two girls in the club had two friends.Raj: I like it, I like it. Did they smell good despite their gothlike nature?Howard: What’s that got to do with the story?Raj: Engaging my olfactory sense helps make it real for me.Howard: Fine, they smelled good.Raj: Oh, they did. Like jasmine and honeysuckle.Howard: Whatever.Raj: And then they held hands and did a sexy, demonic hokey-pokey for us.Howard: No, no. Look, let me say my story all the way through, and then you can say yours, and then we’ll pick.Raj: I’m sorry. Go on.Howard: Okay. We got tattoos, and then the four girls took us to their place.Raj: But we don’t have tattoos. What if someone asks to see our tattoos?Howard: We say they’re in a very intimate area.Raj:Oh, we are bad boys, aren’t we?Howard: Right, right, so we go back to their place, and then the six of us end up in a hot tub.Raj: But we just got tattoos. Wouldn’t we be concerned about bacterial infection?Howard: True. Okay, forget the hot tub. The point is, we each have a ménage with sexy goth girls.Raj: Wow. What a great night.Howard: Yeah. Hey, want to try a country bar tomorrow night.Raj: Yeah, maybe we’ll get lucky with some sexy cowgirls.Howard: Could happen.Raj: I wonder how they smell.。

生活与哲学综合测试(90分钟，100分)第Ⅰ卷(选择题，共60分)一、选择题(在每小题列出的四个选项中，只有一项是最符合题目要求的，每小题4分，共60分)1．希格斯玻色子，是粒子物理学标准模型预言的一种自旋为零的玻色子。

因为它极难发现，所以被称为“上帝粒子”。

2012年7月4日，欧洲核子研究中心宣布，他们发现了疑似“上帝粒子”——希格斯玻色子(万物质量之源)的新粒子。

从统计学的角度看，这一发现的可信度达99.999 94%。

材料表明( )①客观唯心主义有科学根据②思维与存在具有同一性③统计概率的大小是判断认识正确与否的依据④世界的统一性在于它的物质性A．①④B．①③C．②④D．③④解析：发现“上帝粒子”，说明了人能够正确的反映客观存在，进一步证实了世界的物质性，题干表明了唯物主义观点，故选出C项，不选①。

实践是判断认识正确与否的标准，排除③。

答案：C2．发展中国特色社会主义，必须结合我国实际和时代特点，建设具有中国特色、中国风格、中国气派的哲学社会科学，使之更好地发挥认识世界、传承文明、创新理论、咨政育人、服务社会的重要功能。

这表现为真正的哲学( )A．正确反映了时代的特点和要求，是认识和改造世界的有力工具B．是对社会生活的总结和升华，可以预见和指明社会的前进方向C．牢牢地把握住了时代的脉搏，为社会变革提供巨大的物质力量D．是“科学之科学”，可以为具体科学提供世界观和方法论的指导解析：真正的哲学是时代精神的精华，把握时代的脉搏，建设具有中国特色、中国风格、中国气派的哲学社会科学，体现了真正哲学的特点，故选出A项。

真正的哲学是社会变革的先导，提供了精神力量，排除C项。

哲学不能称为“科学之科学”，故排除D项。

B项与题意无关。

答案：A3．中国式过马路，是指部分中国人集体闯红灯的一种现象，即凑够一撮人就可以走，和红绿灯无关。

有人表示：“斑马线存在与否，取决于大家的目的。

”与此观点相通的是( )A．子不语怪力乱神B．未有此气，先有此理C．形者神之质，神者形之用D．存在即是被感知解析：题中观点以人的主观愿望为出发点，是主观唯心主义，故D项符合题意。