生活大爆炸 第三季 03

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E08 – The Adhesive Duck DeficiencyScene: A camp site.Howard: How much time do we have?Leonard: Uh, t-minus five hours, 37 minutes to onset of meteor shower.Raj:Okay, our position is 34.48 degrees north, 118.31 west. That means the azimuth should be 168.22 degrees relative to magnetic north with an elevation of 49.93.Howard: Anything yet?Leonard: Uh, we have a signal, but there’s no frame lock.Howard: Hang on, how about now?Raj: We did it. We have the west coast feed of HBO. Howard: Ooh, Real Sex.Raj:Big deal. Every time I watch that show it’s old women putting condoms on cucumbers.Howard: Alright, let’s see what’s on the east coast feed.Leonard: Oh, hey. Dune.Raj:Not a great movie, but look at that beautiful desert.Leonard: Too bad Sheldon couldn’t come with us. Raj: Yes, it’s not the same without him. (They all laugh)Howard:Oh, this sucks, I’m switching back to Real Sex.Scene: The apartment.Sheldon:Sheldon’s log, stardate 63345.3. While my colleagues are off observing the Leonid meteor shower, I have remained behind to complete my paper on the decays of highly excited massive string states. Although my research is going well I do miss the warmth of human companionship. (He laughs)Credits sequence.Scene: The apartment.Sheldon: And good evening to you, Siam Palace. This is Sheldon Cooper. Yeah, I’m going to be dining alone this evening, so I’ll be reducing my usual order. I’d like to start with one quarter of the assorted appetizers plate and, uh, one half of the golden treasure for two. Oh, for heaven’s sake, in the mid-18th century, King Rama IV of Siam divided a huge empire amongst the colonial powers of Europe in order to preserve his throne. Surely, you, his cultural descendant, can handle pad thai and dumplings.Penny(voice off): Sheldon help!Sheldon: I need to go, but you keep in mind that my sharply worded comments on recently took down a local muffin store. (At Penny’s door, knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny..Penny: Come in! Hurry!Sheldon: Penny?Penny:I’m back here.Sheldon: (At Penny’s bedroom door, knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny..Penny: Oh, for god’s sakes, I’m in the bathroo m! Sheldon: Shall I come back at a better time? Penny: Get in here! Hurry! Don’t you dare knock. Sheldon: Hello.Penny: I slipped in the shower, and I think I dislocated my shoulder.Sheldon: Not surprising. You have no safety mat or adhesive stickers to allow for purchase on a surface with a low coefficient of static friction.Penny: What?Sheldon: Tubs are slippery.Penny: I know. I slipped.Sheldon: I have a series of whimsical duck stickers on the bottom of my tub.Penny: Yeah, okay, whatever. Will you just turn the water off and help me up?Sheldon: They’re holding umbrellas.Penny: What?Sheldon: The ducks in my tub.Penny: Uh-huh.Sheldon: They’re whimsical because ducks have neither the need for, nor the ability to use umbrellas. Penny: Oh, my god. I got to go to the emergency room.Sheldon:Well, assuming you’re correct that your right humerus is no longer seated in the glenoid socket, I would certainly think so.Penny: Okay, can you drive me?Sheldon: I don’t drive.Penny: Well, I can’t drive!Sheldon: Well, it seems we’ve reached an impasse.Penny: Ow.Sheldon:But I could call you a cab or an ambulance.Penny:No, no, no, I can’t wait that long, you got to help me, please.Sheldon: All right. Let it never be said that Sheldon Lee Cooper ignored the pleas of a damsel in distress.Penny:No one’s saying that. Let’s go.Sheldon:Well, it does seem rather ironic that for want of 99-cent adhesive ducks, we both might die in a fiery car crash.Scene: The camp site.Leonard: I wish Penny didn’t have to wo rk, she loves camping.Raj:Yeah, that would have been great. You and Penny having sex in the tent while I sit out here and watch Howard hump a cactus.Howard:Okay, the best I can tell, there are eight other campsites nearby. Mostly science nerds like us, but just over yon ridge are two not unattractive middle school teachers who reek of desperation. Raj: Wow. Wonderful. How old are they? Howard: Oh I don’t know, 50, 55.Raj: Oh, menopause, nature’s birth control. Leonard: Come on, you guys can’t be that h ard up. Howard: I am.Raj: Yeah, me, too.Howard: Look, they gave me homemade cookies. Leonard: Of course, they did. That’s what grandmothers do.Raj: So, what are we waiting for?Howard: Relax, I said we’d stop by a little later after they have their nap.Raj: Good idea. They’ll be refreshed.Howard: Cookie?Raj: Y eah, thank you. Mmmm.Leonard: Mmmm, not bad.Raj:Yeah, very tasty. Well, so tell me more about these teachers.Howard: Not much to tell. They had a VW Microbus and were wearing tie-dyed Grateful Dead shirts. Raj: Huh. Mmm. Good cookies.Scene: Penny’s bedroom.Sheldon:I see no organizational system in here whatsoever. Which panties do you wear on Mondays?Penny: I don’t need panties, I just need shorts and a shirt.Sheldon:My mother always told me one should wear clean underpants in case one is in an accident.Penny: One was already in an accident. Sheldon: That doesn’t mean one won’t be in another, especially if I’m driving.Penny: Clothes, Sheldon. I need clothes! Sheldon: Okay, here.Penny: Seriously? Those shorts with that top? Sheldon: All right.Penny:No… No… Oh, that’s cute.Sheldon:We should have you checked for a concussion.Penny: Okay, now, you got to help me put these on. Sheldon: All right.Penny: But don’t look.Sheldon: Don’t l ook?Penny:I don’t want you to see me naked. Sheldon:Oh. Well, that’s understandable. You may be interested to know that a prohibition against looking is well established in heroic mythology. Uh, Lot and his wife, Perseus and Medusa, Orpheus and Eurydice.Penny: Yeah, great.Sheldon: They always look. It never ends well. Penny: Ok, now you gotta help me get my arm into the sleeve.Sheldon: Ok.Penny: Is that my arm?Sheldon: It doesn’t feel like an arm.Penny: Then, maybe you should let it go. Sheldon: All righty.Scene: The camp site.Leonard:Stars are pretty, aren’t they?Howard:Up above the world so high, like little diamonds in the sky.Raj: That’s beautiful, dude. You should… You should write that down before someone steals it. Howard: So, when do the meteors get here?Raj: The meteors don’t get here, the earth is moving into their path.Leonard: I can feel it. I can feel the earth moving. It’s moving too fast. Raj, slow it down.Raj:Okay, how’s that?Leonard: Better. Thanks.Howard: Stars are pre tty, aren’t they?Leonard:What’s so funny?Raj:It’s your American accent. Everything you say sounds stupid. (With an American accent) Stars are pretty, aren’t they?Scene: Penny’s car.Sheldon: For the record, I should let you know this is my first time driving an actual motor vehicle. Penny: You have your learner’s permit, right? Sheldon:Yes, and I have logged a considerable number of hours on a simulator.Penny: Good.Sheldon:Didn’t work out well.Penny: All right, can we please go?Sheldon: One mome nt. According to my driver’s ed book, a side mirror is properly adjusted when a portion of the is driver’s door handle is visible in the lower right corner. There’s the handle. Oh, no, too far, bringing it back. Optimized. Now, where is the switch to adjust the passenger side mirror? Penny: It’s right there.Sheldon: Where is the passenger side mirror? Penny: In a parking lot in Hollywood. Now, can we please go?Sheldon: Yes. As soon as I adjust my seat. Whee! Oh, dear. I’m going to have to start again.Scene: The camp site.Raj:If I could speak the language of rabbits, they would be amazed, and I would be their king. Leonard: I hate my name. It has nerd in it. Len nerd.Howard: I lost my virginity to my cousin Jeanie. Raj: I would be kind to my rabbit subjects. At first. Leonard:You know what’s a cool name? Angelo. That has angel and jell-o in it.Howard: It was my Uncle Murray’s funeral. We were all back at my Aunt Barbara’s house. Our eyes locked over the pickled herring. We never meant for it to happen.Raj: One day, I hold a great ball for the President of France, but the rabbits, they hate me and don’t come. I am embarrassed, so I eat all the lettuce in the world and make them watch.Leonard: People could call me Angie. Yo, Angie, how’s it goin’?Howard:To this day, I can’t look at pickled herring without being aroused and ashamed. Oh, cousin Jeanie.Scene: Penny’s car.Penny: Could you please drive a little faster? Sheldon:Oh, I think we’re going sufficiently fast. What’s that?Penny: Nothing. The engine does that sometimes. Sheldon:That can’t be nothing, the check engine light is on. We need to find a service station. Penny: No. The light has been on since I bought the car.Sheldon:All the more reason to consult with a mechanic before it explodes.Penny:It’s not going to explode, just keep driving. Warp speed ahead, Mr. Spock.Sheldon: Mr. Spock did not pilot the Enterprise. He was the science officer, and I guarantee you that if he ever saw the Enterprise’s check engine light blinking, he would pull the ship over immediately. Penny: Oh, god, I’m gonna lose the arm. Sheldon: Oh, oh, red light, release accelerator and slowly apply the brake. Nailed it. While we have a moment, may I ask you a question?Penny: What?Sheldon: Why do you have the Chinese character for soup tattooed on your right buttock?Penny: It’s not soup, it’s courage.Sheldon: No, it isn’t. But I suppose it does take courage to demonstrate that kind of commitment to soup.Penny:How did you see it? You said you wouldn’t look.Sheldon:Sorry. As I told you, the hero always peeks.Scene: The camp site.Howard: Anything?Leonard: No. That was the last pudding cup. Howard: No! What about Slim Jims?Leonard: That’s what he used to eat his pudding, remember?Raj: Right! That was so good! Sweety and meaty at the same time.Howard: Wait. Wait, wait. So you’re saying we’re out of food?Leonard: The only thing in here are blue ice packs.Raj:I know they’re poison, but they look like big,yummy otter pops.Leonard: Oh, god, I am so hungry.Howard:Me too. Check and see if we have any more pudding.Leonard: Okay.Scene: The hospital waiting room.Sheldon:All right, there’s no need to bark at me. According to the inexplicably irritable nurse behind the desk, you’ll be seen after the man who claims to be having a heart attack, but appears to be well enough to play Doodle Jump on his iPhone. We have to fill these out. Describe illness or injury. Penny: I dislocated my shoulder.Sheldon: All right. And how did the accident occur? Penny: You ready know that.Sheldon: Cause of accident, lack of adhesive ducks. Okay, medical history. Have you ever been diagnosed with diabetes?Penny: No.Sheldon: Kidney disease?Penny: No.Sheldon: Migraines?Penny: Getting one.Sheldon: Are you currently pregnant?Penny: No.Sheldon: Are you sure? You look a bit puffy. Penny: Change migraine to yes.Sheldon: When was your last menstrual period? Penny: Oh, next question.Sheldon:I’ll put, in progress. Okay, moving to psychiatric disorders, list all major behavioural diagnoses, e.g. depression, anxiety, etcetera. Penny: Oh, my god, what the hell does this have to do with my stupid shoulder?Sheldon: Episodes of sub psychotic rage. Penny: Ass.Sheldon:Possible Tourette’s. All right, moles, lesions or other skin conditions. Soup tattoo on right buttock.Penny:Hey, Sheldon, Sheldon, look, I am scared and in a lot of pain. Could you please just take a break from being you for just a minute and try being, I don’t know, comforting?Sheldon:I’m sorry. There, there. Everything’s going to be fine. Sheldon’s here.Penny: Thanks. That’s much better.Scene: The camp site.Raj: Oh, I’m so hungry!Leonard: Will you shut up? We’re all hungry. Howard:Okay, our objective is the boy scout campsite to the east. Easy target. Big doughy scout master, couple of cubs, most webelos.Leonard: What kind of score are we looking at? Howard:Hot dogs, buns, s’mores, I mean, it’s a freaking 7-11.Leonard: All right, everyone grab flashlights. Howard: Oh, my god, could it be? Yes! My mother put an I love you brisket in my backpack. Leonard: Quick, get forks.Howard:You don’t need forks. It’s so tender, it falls apart in your hands.Raj: He’s right.Leonard: I feel like we’re forgetting something important.Raj: Me, too. But what? (Behind them, the meteor shower has begun)Howard:Maybe a tupperware bowl of roasted potatoes and carrots?Leonard and Raj together: Yes! Yes!Scene: Penny’s apartment.Sheldon: Now remember, you were given powerful pain medication and a muscle relaxer, so, uh, don’t operate heavy machinery. Try not to choke on your own drool.Penny:Wait. You have to help me get into bed. Sheldon has to get me into bed. Bet you never thought I’d say that.Sheldon:Yes. The charm of your drug addled candour knows no bounds.Penny: You kn ow, people think you’re this weird robot man who’s so annoying all the time, and you totally are, but then it’s like that movie Wall-E at the end. You’re so full of love, and you can save a plant and get fat people out of the floaty chairs. Sheldon:That’s a fairly laboured metaphor, but I appreciate the sentiment behind it.Penny:Sing “Soft Kitty” to me.Sheldon:“Soft Kitty” is for when you’re sick. You’re not sick.Penny: Injured and drugged is a kind of sick. Sheldon (singing): Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur…Penny: Wait, wait. Let’s sing it as a round. I’ll start. Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur… See that’s where you come in. I’ll start over. Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur… I’ve got all night, Sheldon. Soft kitty, war m kitty… (Sheldon joins in with the round) little ball of fur, happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr.Scene: The camp site. Raj is telling a ghost story with the torch on his face.Raj: …And the next morning when he woke up, he rolled over and reali zed… duh-duh-duh! …she was his cousin.Howard:That’s still not funny.Raj(imitating him): That’s still not funny.Howard: And she was my second cousin.Raj (imitating him): And she was my second cousin. Howard: You’re a real douche.Raj: Who cares? You slept with your cousin.。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E20 – The Spaghetti CatalystScene: The lobby.Penny: Oh, damn, they cancelled my Visa. Oh, yay, a new MasterCard!Sheldon: Uh-oh.Penny: What?Sheldon: I was going to get my mail.Penny: Okay. Are, are you hoping to get it telepathically?Sheldon: I think you mean telekinetically. And no, I just wasn’t sure of the proper protocol now that you and Leonard are no longer having coitus.Penny: God, can we please just say no longer seeing each other?Sheldon: Well, we could if it were true. But as you live in the same building, you see each other all the time. The variable which has changed is the coitus.Penny: Okay, here’s the protocol, you and I are still friends, and you stop saying coitus.Sheldon: Good, good. I’m glad we’re still friends.Penny: Really?Sheldon: Oh, yes. It was a lot of work to accommodate you in my life. I’d hate for that effort to have been in vain.Penny: Right.Sheldon: Just to be clear do I have to stop saying coitus with everyone or just you?Penny: Everyone.Sheldon: Harsh terms. But all right, I’ll just substitute intercourse.Penny: Great.Sheldon: Or fornication. Yeah. But that has judgmental overtones, so I’ll hold that in reserve.Penny: So, how you been?Sheldon: Well, my existence is a continuum, so I’ve been what I am at each point in the implied time period. Penny: You’re just coitusing with me, aren’t you?Sheldon: Bazinga.Penny: Mmm. How’s Leonard doing?Sheldon: He seems all right. Although he does spend a disturbing amount of time looking at photographs of you and smelling the pillow you slept on. Oh, but now that I think of it, he asked me not to tell you that. Penny: I’ll pretend I didn’t hear it.Sheldon: I’d rather you pretend I didn’t say it. I see you bought Mama Italia marinara spaghe tti sauce. Penny: Yep.Sheldon: That’s the sauce my mother uses. She likes cooking Italian because according to her, that’s what the Romans made Jesus eat.Penny: Interesting. I’ll have to have you over for spaghetti some night.Sheldon: I’m hungry now.Penny: Oh. Um, okay. Why don’t you give me an hour and come over?Sheldon: Will you cut up hot dogs into little chunks and mix them in with the sauce?Penny: I don’t have hot dogs.Sheldon: Oh, it’s all right, I do. Oh! You’re in for what my mother calls a r eal Eye-talian treat. (Enters apartment).Leonard: Hey, where you been?Sheldon: I was talking with Penny.Howard: What’s wrong with you? You can’t hang out with your roommate’s ex. That’s totally uncool.Leonard: No, no, it’s fine. I don’t care. I’m over it.Raj: Yeah, he’s over it, that’s why he’s been whining all day about trying to invent that memory-wiper gizmo from Men in Black.Sheldon: Is he making any progress? Because I’d like to erase Ben Affleck as Daredevil.Howard: So would Ben Affleck. The po int is, in a situation like this you got to pick sides. You’re either on Team Leonard or Team Penny.Sheldon: Which one picks last?Howard: What?Sheldon: Well, usually I’m on the team that picks last. Unless there’s a kid in a wheelchair.Leonard: Sheldon, I got you your tangerine chicken. I hope you’re hungry.Sheldon: Well, of course I’m hungry. And as I have no plans to eat with any other team, I will consume my tangerine chicken with the appropriate gusto. Mm, mm, mm!Leonard: Okay.Sheldon: Just out of curiosity, do we still have hot dogs?Leonard: I don’t know. Why?Sheldon: Just making dinner conversation. Go, Team Leonard!Credits sequenceScene: A few moments later.Howard: Oh, God, this is good.Raj: Let me ask you a question. Do you believe you’re going to go to hell for eating sweet and sour pork? Howard: Jews don’t have hell. We have acid reflux.Leonard: Do you want the last dumpling, Sheldon?Sheldon: Certainly. It’s not like I have to moderate my food intake because I’m planning on eating ag ain very shortly. Mm, mm, mm!Leonard: So, you guys want to do something tonight?Howard: Nah, I can’t. I got to pick up my mom from her water aerobics class. 18 overweight women flapping their arm fat in a swimming pool. Looks like the manatee tank at Sea World.Leonard: What about you, Raj?Raj: Oh, there it is, now that you don’t have a girlfriend, you want to hang out with me again.Leonard: I never stopped hanging out with you.Raj: Oh, please, we all know I’m the friend you call when you have no other options. If we were the Justice League, I’d be Aquaman.Howard: I wish you were Aquaman. Then I could send you to scoop my mom out of the old lady tank. Sheldon: Excuse me, I’m thirsty, so I’m going to go to the refrigerator and get myself a refreshing be verage. Leonard:You know what? I’ll just spend the evening alone.Raj: What, suddenly I’m not good enough for you?Sheldon: Ah, I do so love beverages. Now I think I’ll take my after-dinner walk.Leonard: Since when do you take after-dinner walks?Howard: Yeah, since when do you take walks?Sheldon: I read a study online that walking after a meal not only aids in digestion, but increases serotonin, and you know me, if there’s one thing I like more than a refreshing beverage, it’s serotonin. Bye-bye. Howard: Hold on. I’ll walk down with you.Sheldon: Oh, that’s not necessary. You can go first.Howard: Or we could go together.Sheldon: I can’t think of a reason why not.Howard: Let’s go.Sheldon: Hold on. Nope, no reason.Raj: I’ve missed you.Scene: The lobby.Sheldon: All right, say hello to your mother for me.Howard: Okay.Sheldon: What?Howard: You said you were going for a walk.Sheldon: I didn’t say outside.Howard:So what, you’re just gonna walk up and down the stairs?Sheldon: No, of course not. That would be odd and suspicious behavior.Woman’s voice: Here Bubbles. Here boy.Howard: Which way are you going?Sheldon: Which way are you going?Howard: I parked my scooter down the block.Sheldon:I’m going the other way. Bye.Howard: Bye. Actually, I’m this way. Do I smell hot dogs?Sheldon: No. I mean, I have no idea what you smell.Howard: I definitely smell raw hot dog.Sheldon:Perhaps you’re getting a brain tumour.Howard: All right, have a nice walk.Sheldon: I shall. Have a nice scoot.Howard: You might want to stand back. I’m sitting on top of 13 horses here.Sheldon: Oh. Hello, doggie. Nice doggie. I bet you think you smell hot dogs. Look, a cat!Scene: Penny’s apartment.Sheldon:(Knock, knock, knock) Penny, (knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Long pause, knock, knock, knock) Penny.(Penny opens door. A dishevelled Sheldon is holding up one hot dog.) Here. I had to trade the others for my life.Scene: The apartment.Raj: Hey, Leonard?Leonard: Yeah?Raj:I haven’t had sex in a year.Leonard: Where you going with this, Raj?Raj:Don’t flatter yourself, dude. I want to go out and meet a woman.Leonard: So, go.Raj: Well, I need a wingman. I don’t want to come off like a lonely loser.Leonard: And you think my presence will help with that?Raj: Well, I d o. Next to you, I’ll look like a catch.Leonard: I’m not going out tonight, Raj.Raj: All right. Would you mind if I went to your room and downloaded some Asian pornography? Leonard: Very much.Raj: Doesn’t have to be Asian.Leonard:Don’t worry. You’ll me et a girl someday.Raj:No, I won’t.Leonard: Yes, you will, and she’ll be beautiful, and kind and sexy and funny and everything you ever wanted in a woman.Raj: You really think so?Leonard: I do, and you’ll fall hopelessly in love and give her your heart. And she’ll take it and grind it into pathetic, little pieces.Raj:But we’ll have sex first, right?Scene: Penny’s apartment.Sheldon: Mmm, mmm, mmm. That’s Eye-talian.Penny: So, um, was Leonard okay with you coming over?Sheldon: Oh, yes. In fact, he said, I’m fine, I don’t care. And he in no way said it in a manner which would lead one to believe that he was covering up feelings of anguish and betrayal.Penny: Well, good.Sheldon:I’m also pleased to report that he’s all cried out over you.Penny: He’s been crying?Sheldon: Oh, I believe that was something else I wasn’t supposed to mention.Penny: Oh, God, I feel terrible.Sheldon: Do you have a stomach ache, too?Penny: No. Why, do you?Sheldon: No.Penny: Why did you ask if I had one, too?Sheldon: Just making polite dinner conversation. Your turn.Penny: All right. So, what’s new in your life?Sheldon: Well, my new shoes are not made for running.Penny: Have you been running?Sheldon:No. It’s just a suspicion I have. Mmm, mmm, mmm.Penny: I’m so gla d you like it.Sheldon: I do. Leonard never cooks for me.Penny:Well, maybe that’s ’cause Leonard can’t cook.Sheldon:You can’t cook and you made me this.Penny:Whatever. Ooh, I’m gonna get the cheesecake out of the fridge.Sheldon:Oh, Lord, I’m in Jew ish hell.Scene: The apartment.Raj:Look at this. Do you think she’s really doing that or is it PhotoShop?Leonard: I’m pretty sure Martha Stewart never got naked with a room full of big, fat Japanese guys.Raj:You don’t know that. Prison changes people.Leonard: Hey, where you been?Sheldon: I told you, walking.Leonard: For an hour and a half?Sheldon: I got lost.Leonard: How could you get lost? Your phone has GPS.Sheldon: Satellites are down. Solar flares.Raj: There are no solar flares right now.Sheldon: Yes, there are.Raj: Dude, I’m an astrophysicist. If there were solar flares, I’d be all up in it.Sheldon:I’m sorry. I misspoke. What I meant to say was my battery died.Leonard: What the hell was that about?Raj:I don’t know. Do you think this is really Hillary Clinton doing it with Oprah?Leonard: Oh, we really need to get you a girl.Scene: Leonard’s bedroom. Leonard is asleep.Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (knock, knock, knock) Leonard. Leonard: Oh, just come in!Sheldon: Thanks for seeing me on such short notice.Leonard: What do you want, Sheldon?Sheldon:Maybe this isn’t a good time.Leonard: Tell me why you woke me up or I swear to God I will kill you.Sheldon: Do you really think death threats are an appropriate way to begin this conversation? Sometimes your lack of social skills astonishes me.Leonard: What do you want?Sheldon: You may want to sit down.Leonard:I’m in bed!Sheldon: Point taken. You may want to sit up.Leonard: Sheldon!Sheldon:I’ve been seeing Penny behind your back.Leonard: Okay, when you say seeing Penny, what exactly does that mean?Sheldon: We had dinner last night. She made me spaghetti with little hot dogs cut up in it. Well, little hot dog. I gave up the other five hot dogs to a real dog. A real, big dog. A hell hound. Tangential to the primary story. How about I circle back to it?Leonard: Fine. Why did you have dinner with Penny?Sheldon: I told you, she made spaghetti with little hot dogs. I like spaghetti with little hot dogs.Leonard: Then why did you have Chinese food with us?Sheldon:I didn’t want to upset you. Howard made it very clear that my allegiance should be to male comrades before women who sell their bodies for money.Leonard: Is it possible he said Bros before Hos?Sheldon: Yes, but I rephrased it to avoid offending the hos.Leonard: Sheldon, I don’t care if you want to be friends with Penny.Sheldon: Oh. Well, so the emotional turmoil that’s been keeping me from achieving REM sleep was entirely unjustified?Leonard: Yes.Sheldon: Well then as my meemaw would say, looks like we butchered a pig, but nobody wanted bacon. Leonard: I guess not.Sheldon: And now, as promised, the tangent. Sheldon and the Hell Hound, or How I Lost My Hot Dogs.Scene: The laundry room.Penny: Oh, um, I, I can come back.Leonard: D-don’t be silly. We’re neighbours, we’re going to run into each other, may as well get used to it. Penny: Yeah, I guess you’re right.Leonard: You used to it yet?Penny: Nope.Leonard: Me neither. Oh, Sheldon seemed think that I would be upset about you hanging out with him. But I just want you to know it’s fine.Penny: Oh, oh, good, because, um, his mother called me.Leonard: His mother?Penny: Yeah, she wants me to take him shopping for sheets and towels.Leonard: I was going to do that.Penny: Oh, well, then you, you do it.Leonard:No, I don’t want to do it. You can do it.Penny: Okay, you can take him for shoes.Leonard: I just took him for shoes.Penny: Well, all I know is he says they hurt his feet.Leonard:Fine. I’ll take him for shoes next Saturday.Penny: Oh, no, no, no, a bunch of us from work are going to Disneyland next Saturday and Sheldon wants to come.Leonard: Y ou’re taking him to Disneyland?Penny: Well, he heard me making plans on the phone. Was I going to say no?Leonard:All right. But let me know if you’re going to stuff him with junk food. I don’t want to bring home a nice dinner for him and see it go to waste.Penny: We’re going to Disneyland. He’s going to eat junk food.Leonard: Al l I’m saying is give me a heads-up.Penny: Okay, whatever.Leonard:And don’t let him go on Space Mountain after he eats. He’ll say he can handle it, but I promise you’ll end up with churro puke on your shoes.Penny: All right, got it. Is there anything else?Leonard:Yeah, don’t let Goofy near him. He’ll have nightmares and I’ll have to deal with it.Penny: What’s the problem with Goofy?Leonard: Wish I knew. He’s fine with Pluto.Scene: The apartment.Raj: Hey, do you think the elastic woman in The Incredibles needs to use birth control or can she just be a diaphragm?Howard: Well, that’s it. We’re officially out of things to talk about.Penny:We’re home.Leonard: It’s ten o’clock, where have you been?Sheldon: We stayed for the California Adventure water show. It was pure Disney magic.Leonard: I was going to see that with him.Penny: How was I supposed to know that?Sheldon:It’s all right. I’ll see it again with you.Leonard: And I have food here. You said you were going to call.Penny: I know, I know.Sheldon: I can still eat.Penny: No, you already threw up once. Go put on your PJs and brush your teeth.Sheldon:Okay, but just don’t fightLeonard: We’re not fighting.Penny: Just go.Leonard: Aren’t you going to thank Penny for taking you to Disneylan d?Sheldon: Thank you, Penny.Penny:You’re welcome, sweetie.Leonard: Want a cup of coffee?Penny: Oh, um, I should probably get going.Leonard:Come on. It’s just a cup of coffee.Penny: Yep, okay.Howard (to Raj, who has whispered to him): Oh, yeah, the whole thing seems a little twisted to me, too. Leonard: What am I smelling?Penny: Sheldon’s churro on my shoes.Scene: Sheldon’s bedroom.Penny:He’s such an angel when he’s asleep.Leonard: Yeah. Shame he has to wake up.Penny: I think we can do it.Leonard:Smother Sheldon in his sleep? Wouldn’t that be wrong?Penny: No, be friends. You and me.Leonard: Oh. Sure. Absolutely.Penny:Good. I’m glad.Leonard: Here’s an idea. I’m just throwing it out there, friends who have sex. Penny: Good night, Leonard.Leonard:Kidding. Just a couple of friends goofin’ around.Sheldon(in his sleep): No, Goofy, no.。

[《星球大战V》主题曲]"The Imperial March"您能行行好把衬衫给关了吗Would you please turn your shirt off?那怎么行What?我的闪亮出场需要恢宏的背景音乐I'm giving myself dramatic entrance music.这样人们才会崇拜并畏惧我People will know I'm awesome and to be feared.确实Right.世上最惊悚的事莫过于There's nothing more awesome and frightening than a man 有音乐从一个男人的咪咪间喷薄而出who's got music blasting from between his nipples.斯图亚特忙啥呢Hey,Stuart,what's going on?你可能需要在谷歌日历上记下了Well,you might want to mark your Google calendars.斯坦·李周四来这里开签名会Stan Lee is coming to do a signing on Thursday.他的自传出续集了吗Did he finally write a sequel to his autobiography?我就知道80来岁的人照样老当益壮I'm sure ages79through87were just action-packed.没就是普通的漫画签名罢了No,just a regular comic signing.我叔叔是他的皮肤科医生My uncle is his dermatologist斯坦·李因此卖个面子给他and Stan's doing him a favor.你告诉我这些干嘛啊你Oh,I don't want to know that!这下好了我怎么可能一边和斯坦·李讨论How can I possibly discuss with Stan Lee用银质冲浪板the scientific foundations for interstellar flight来星际飞行的科学依据on a silver surfboard一边逐行扫描他的脸when part of my brain will be scanning his face以寻找皮肤传染病的蛛丝马迹for signs of contagious skin disease?斯坦·李没有皮肤传染病Stan Lee does not have a contagious skin disease.一边去你又不是斯图亚特的叔叔Well,look who thinks he's Stuart's uncle now.难以置信我们要见到斯坦·李了Can't believe it.We're going to meet Stan Lee![《变形金刚》中大黄蜂播放过的歌曲]"I'm So Excited"我错了我不该教他跳这舞的I'm sad to say I taught him those moves.我实在无法取舍I can't decicide究竟让斯坦·李把名字签在whether I want Stan Lee to autograph托尔第一次出场的《神秘之旅》83期上my Journey into Mystery83,first appearance of Thor还是签在《神奇四侠》第五本上or my Fantastic Four number five,死亡博士的处女秀first appearance of Dr.Doom.[Jeopardy智力竞赛节目思考时的音乐节目的主题曲] (Jeopardy theme song playing)阿莱克斯(Jeopardy的主持)我选的答案是Alex,I'm going to go with what is...你是个傻帽you're a dumbass?我决定让斯坦·李把名签在I've decided I'm going to have Mr.Lee sign my copy这个月的《蝙蝠侠》上of this month's Batman.有病吧你That's crazy.蝙蝠侠又不是斯坦·李的作品[竞争对手]Stan Lee had nothing to do with Batman.对啊所以其他人不会让他签这个Yes,which is why no one else will ask him to sign one,于是我就会拥有一件and I will be the possessor of虽然怪异但独一无二的稀世珍宝a unique,albeit confusing,artifact,我从此就和那群芸芸which will set me apart漫画迷不再是一个级别的了from hoi polloi of comic book fandom.这点子不错That's a great idea.我也让他签《蝙蝠侠》去I'm going to get him to sign a Batman as well.你对独一无二这个词很难理解么What is it about the word"unique"you don't understand?靠手被纸片划破了Damn,paper cut.被纸割伤最痛苦了Nothing worse than a paper cut.你忘了割礼吧[犹太儿童切除包皮的仪式]Well,obviously you don't remember your circumcision.上面抽屉里有新孢霉素和创口贴There's Neosporin and Band-Aids in my top desk drawer.这些东西不是该放在卫生间里吗Why don't you keep that stuff in the bathroom?卫生间里有还有厨房里He does.And in the kitchen.还有车里再加上他口袋里And in the car.And in his pocket.没错但我口袋里的可不给别人用Yeah,but the ones in my pocket are mine.-嗨-嘿-Hi!-Hey.猜猜看Guess who's going to be周四谁会去漫画店at the comic bookstore on Thursday?呃给点提示吧Um...can you give me a hint?斯坦·李Stan Lee.噢斯坦利Um...Stanley...斯坦利·图奇?[著名演员]Stanley...Stanley Tucci?不是No.是斯坦·李No,Stan...Lee.哦斯坦·李嘛Oh,oh,Stan Lee!不错嘛Cool!你根本不知道他是谁吧You have no idea who he is,do you?谁说的我当然知道Of course I do.你是我生命中的重要的一部分You're an important part of my life我自然会爱屋及乌啦and I pay attention to the things you are interested in.是嘛好啊Oh,good.好极了Good.那你说说斯坦·李是谁So,who's Stan Lee?星际迷航里的Um...he was on Star Trek.猜错了Nope.-那就星球大战-又错-Star Wars?-No.呃斯坦·李Um...uh,Stan Lee.我知道了Ooh,he was in those是你喜欢的傻帽功夫片里的goofy kung fu movies you love so much?那是李小龙That's Bruce Lee.啊哦Oh.那这是小龙的书呆子哥哥斯坦?So,is this Bruce Lee's nerdy brother,Stan?谢尔顿你抽屉怎么有那么多Sheldon,why do you have all these unopened没拆封的薪水支票paychecks in your desk?因为我想买的东西Because most of the things I'm planning to buy市面上基本上都没有haven't been invented yet.这儿得有好几千块了吧There-there must be thousands of dollars here.你干嘛不存银行里Why don't you put it in the bank?鬼才相信银行I don't trust banks.我坚信如果有一天机器人奋起反抗了I believe that when the robots rise up,自动取款机肯定是起义军领袖ATMs will lead the charge.这儿还有一封You've also got something帕萨迪纳市法院寄来的东西from the Pasadena Municipal Court.肯定又是回信来鄙视我Undoubtedly another snide response之前寄去的几封信里to my repeated letters complaining投诉了法院门口的旗子that the flags in front of the courthouse次序是错误的are flying in the wrong order.按照从左到右的顺序From left to right,it's supposed to be应该先是联邦旗州旗federal,state,最后才轮到帕萨迪纳市旗and then city of Pasadena.打断一下你为此寄了好几封信过去I'm sorry.You sent more than one letter about that?它们看着太碍眼了It bothers me.谢尔顿这是封传票Sheldon,this is a summons.什么的传票A summons for what?信上说你在玛格大道闯了红灯Looks like you ran a red light M Margo Avenue时间是11月16号晚上9点半at9:30p.m.on November16.你被路边的摄像头拍下来了They got you on a traffic camera.挺上镜嘛Nice picture.11月16号November16?佩妮那不就是你在浴缸里摔倒Penny,that's the evening you fell in your bathtub然后我不得不带你去看急诊的那晚吗and I had to drive you to the emergency room.不是No,it isn't.就是Yes,it is.就不是No,it isn't.佩妮我记得很清楚Penny,I have an eidetic memory.而且摄像头也拍下了你在副驾驶位置上Also,that's a picture of you in the passenger seat托着你那脱臼的肩膀holding your dislocated shoulder.才不是呢Mmm,no,it isn't.好吧那为啥传票上违反交规的Okay,then why is a summons for a traffic violation是你的车而且挂着你的车牌committed in your car,bearing your license plates,却寄来我这儿了coming to me?好吧他们给我发了传票Okay,look,they sent me the ticket.我告诉他们当时并不是我开的车I told them I wasn't driving然后他们逼问我"除了你还有谁"and they were all,"If it wasn't you,who was it?"于是你就把我出卖了So you betrayed me?才没有No!这哪是出卖It wasn't a betrayal.我只不过表示"我的驾照已经没分好扣了"It was more of a"I can't afford any more points on my license."我已经不得不I already have to buy my insurance去开曼群岛上买车险了from this place in the Cayman Islands.但我之所以开你的车还不是因为But the only reason I was driving your car你当时可怜兮兮的我才伸出援手was because you were in distress and I was rescuing you.是啊是啊你看现在你有张照片记录英勇的一天Yea yea.Look at you.you have a photo to remember that heroic day.没什么大不了的It's not that big a deal.你只要周四去法院You just go down to the court on Thursday交罚金就行and you pay the fine.我才不去交罚金I'm not going to pay a fine.那就说明我有罪That would imply I'm guilty.你确实有罪You are guilty.[《法律与秩序》的主题曲]这个我喜欢That one I liked.我是无罪的I am not guilty.我只有实习驾照I only have a learner's permit.佩妮教我的Penny was the teacher.转黄灯时她就说"快快快"When the light turned yellow she said"Go,go,go."于是我就"开开开"So I went,went,went.谢尔顿对不起Sheldon,I'm sorry.我会还你罚金的钱I'll be happy to reimburse you for the fine.只要我能参演一部电影You know,as soon as I get a part in a movie或者自己拍个电视剧or my own TV series.不用你还因为我不会交的You don't need to reimburse me because I'm not paying.周四那天我会去法院On Thursday,I will have my day in court正义会得到伸张and justice will be done.我现在就着手准备辩护In fact,I'm going to begin preparing my defense right now.他坐定牢了Okay,he's going to jail.对哦Oh,that's right.周四是斯坦·李签名日Thursday is Stan Lee Day.看到你做的好事了吧Now you see what you've done?就因为你我们都见不到斯坦·李了Because of you,we're all going to miss Stan Lee.你说"都"是什么意思What do you mean"all?"你们是我朋友啊Well,you're my friends.你们要站在我旁边支持我You'll be standing by my side,supporting me,为我提供案例feeding me legal precedents,你们上身要是够壮and if you had the upper body strength,我胜诉时可以把我搁肩膀上扛出去carrying me out on your shoulders when I'm victorious.这个嘛不行Yeah,okay.No.你是说我为自己辩护时Are you saying that you will not stand beside me你不会来站在我身边吗as I plead my case?是这个意思That's what I'm saying.霍华德Howard?斯坦·李法庭上的你Uh,Stan Lee,or you in court.要是《苏菲的选择》有这么简单Uh,if this was Sophie's Choice电影就不会那么长了不行it would've been a much shorter movie.No.拉杰Raj?你会来吧You'll be there,won't you?那好吧All right,then.我所谓的朋友都抛弃了我My so-called friends have forsaken me.看来只剩我和目击证人了So,I guess it'll just be me and my eyewitness.晕死Oh,balls.请着装得体一点Please try to wear something appropriate.要是法官只顾着想It won't help my case你屁股上'美味多汁'的意思if the judge is busy trying to read the word"Juicy"对我的案子没好处scrawled across your buttocks.佩妮Penny.佩妮Penny.佩妮Penny.节奏不对That's just wrong.好了走吧All right,let's go.等一下Wait,hold on.去法院之前Before we get to the courthouse,我想看一下你的演技I'd like to call on your skills as an actress.这是什么What is this?我冒昧地I've taken the liberty为你起草了出庭作证的剧本of scripting your appearance on the witness stand面对现实你有点我行我素because,let's face it,you're somewhat of a loose cannon.别担心都是用你的方言写的{\c it's written in your vernacular.我们排练一下如何So shall we rehearse?我有得选吗Do I have a choice?你当然有选择权Well,of course you have a choice.虽然我们生活在宿命里Although we live in a deterministic universe,但每个人都有自由选择的权力each individual has free will.给我坐下Now,sit down.请你回忆下I call your attention11月16日发生的事to the events of November16.你记得那天吗Do you remember that date?废话我记得"Darn tootin',I do.请法官原谅我家乡内布拉斯加"If the court will excuse my homespun,粗俗简朴的语言corn-fed Nebraskan turn of phrase."很好继续Excellent.Go on.我记得那天"The reason that date is,like,而且铭记在我的脑子里"so totally fixed in my memory是因为我有幸目睹了"is that I had the privilege to be witness毕生从未见过的英勇行为to one of the most heroic acts I've ever seen in,like,ever."谁的英勇行为"And who performed that heroic act?"您的啊阁下"Why,you did,sir.您谢尔顿·库珀博士"You.Dr.Sheldon Cooper.而且我想说我很荣幸认识您And may I add,it is a privilege to know you."不必称赞我"There's no need for compliments.法庭只看重事实This court is only interested in the facts."但感觉很荣幸能认识您啊也是个事实啊"But it is a fact that it's a privilege to know you.真的Totally."一滴泪从我面颊流下A teardrop rolls down my cheek?!纯属建议Only a suggestion.喉咙哽咽一下也可以A catch in your throat would work just as well.但我感觉"But it is a fact很荣幸能认识您啊也是个事实啊"that it's a privilege to know you.真的Totally."你还是穿"美味多汁"的裤子吧Maybe you should put on your"Juicy"pants again.去交罚金Pay the cashier.谢尔顿·库珀Sheldon Cooper.早上好法官大人Good morning,Your Honor.我是谢尔顿·库珀博士Dr.Sheldon Cooper自我辩护appearing in pro se.也就是说代表我自己That is to say,representing himself.我知道什么意思I know what it means.我读过法律学校I went to law school.结果却在审理交通法庭And yet you wound up in traffic court.不管怎样Anyway,法官允许的话if it would please the court,我想做个开庭陈述I'd like to begin with an opening statement.法官会建议你简短点The court would advise you to make it quick,因为法官早上吃了可能馊了的玉米煎饼as the court had a dicey-looking breakfast burrito this morning 而且刚吃了易蒙停(止泻药)and just took an Imodium.快速的开场陈述A quick opening statement.如同一个挤奶凳Like a milking stool,本案有三个my case rests on立足点three legs.我要论证的是I will demonstrate我在驾驶过程中受到一个女人的误导that I was improperly instructed in driving这个女人缺乏社会上by a woman whose lack of respect for society 对反社会界定的基本认识borders on the sociopathic.我要争辩的是I will argue紧急情况下的法律原理that the emergency met the legal doctrine是需要即合法[拉丁文]of quod est necessarium est licitum--也就是需要即合法that which is necessary is legal.但首先But first,我要提出第六条修正案[美国权利法案]I will raise a Sixth Amendment issue.我无法与控方对峙I'm unable to confront my accuser,因为控方是一台非人类机器a non-human entity,to wit,也就是摄像机a camera.所以综上所述So,to sum up:错误指导{\c加上"需要即合法"的原理{\c还有第六条修正案Sixth Amendment.我的挤奶凳辨述完毕My milk stool is complete.佩服佩服Impressive.谢谢Thank you.罪名成立Guilty.去付钱吧Pay the cashier.我反对I object.你这是在无视法律You're completely ignoring the law.不我遵守法律No,I'm following the law.只是在无视你I'm ignoring you.是吗Really?提醒你一下我可是业内顶尖人士I would point out that I am at the top of my profession,你却坐在桌子后面过家家while you preside over the kiddy table of yours.库珀博士我给你个机会为你最后的言论道歉Dr.Cooper,before I find you in contempt不然我要视你为蔑视法庭and throw you in jail,I'm going to give you a chance把你扔进监狱to apologize for that last remark.我可是个科学家I am a scientist.我才不会为陈述事实而道歉I never apologize for the truth.那是我的位置That's my spot.我等不及要问斯坦·李I can't wait to ask Stan Lee为什么他笔下每个角色的姓和名why he insists on giving all his characters first and last names 开头字母都是一样的that start with the same letter.[以下均为惊奇漫画人物]得了你这是何必Oh,come on.Why would you do that?分别出自《绿巨人》和《神奇四侠》布鲁斯·班纳里德·理查Bruce Banner,Reed Richards,分别出自《神奇四侠》和《怪谈故事》后者为惊奇的系列漫画苏珊·斯汤斯蒂芬·史催博士Sue Storm,Stephen Strange,分别出自《蜘蛛侠》和《神奇四侠》奥拓·八爪博士和银影侠Otto Octavius,Silver Surfer,出自《蜘蛛侠》彼得·帕克还有最夸张的Peter Parker,oh,and worst of all,出自《神奇的蜘蛛侠》小约翰·约拿·詹姆森J.Jonah Jameson,Jr.好吧我要插在你前面Okay,I'm cutting.免得斯坦·李被你惹毛了我遭殃I'm not gonna talk to Stan Lee after you cheese him off.《蜘蛛侠》的主题音乐铃声嗨Hey.谢尔顿进了监狱Sheldon's in jail.啥谢尔顿进了监狱?!Sheldon's in jail?!被你说中了You called it.-怎么搞的-你觉得呢-For what?-What do you think?就是他平时一贯的找抽风格For doing the same crap he always does,只不过法官不吃这一套except to a judge.他不道歉就出不来He has to stay in there until he apologizes.那就让他道歉啊So tell him to apologize.多谢提醒莱纳德Oh,gee,thanks,Leonard.你以为我没想过吗That didn't occur to me.如果他五点前还不道歉If he doesn't apologize by5:00,就得在监狱里过夜了he is going to spend the night in jail.哦不真是糟糕Oh,no,that's terrible.哇队伍动了挂了回见Ooh,the line's moving.Got to go.Bye.有人吗Excuse me?狱卒在吗Excuse me,jailor?咋了What?我要上厕所I need to use the restroom.在那边自便Knock yourself out.这算是马桶?That's the toilet?不然你以为是许愿池吗Well,it ain't a wishing well.请转告法官我准备向他道歉Please tell the judge I'm ready to apologize.看啊Look at that."致吾友莱纳德"To my friend,Leonard.惊奇漫画的一个系列后改称Loners独行侠斯坦·李"From Stan Lee,Excelsior!"牛逼Awesome.我上面写的是"致吾友霍华德"Mine says,"To my friend,Howard.独行侠斯坦·李From Stan Lee,Excelsior!"我上面写的是"致拉杰斯坦·李"Mine says,"To Raj,from Stan Lee."因为你纠结他的角色名把他惹毛了That's'cause you pissed him off about his character names.搞毛Hey,前者是惊奇漫画虚拟组织S.H.I.E.L.D成员后者出自《蜘蛛侠》我还没提达姆弹头杜甘和绿魔I didn't even mention Dum Dum Dugan or Green Goblin,分别出自《夜魔侠》和《钢铁侠》马特·默多克和小辣椒波兹Matt Murdock,Pepper Potts,末日博士[出自《神奇四侠》]Victor V on Doom,还有最夸张的oh,and worst of all,惊奇漫画的长篇幽默系列米莉模特Millie the Model.我们回来了We're home.伙计情况如何Oh,hey,buddy.How'd it go?你明明都知道了还问个屁You know very well how it went.是啊但我们想听你亲口说Yeah,but we all want to hear it from you.我被判有罪还被罚了533美元I was found guilty and fined$533.我会写张支票给你I'm going to write you a check for that.只要你答应我藏在抽屉里As long as you promise to put it in your drawer别去兑换就和其他那些东西一样and never cash it,like the others.我还没有驾照I also now have three points但上面已经被扣了三点on a driver's license I do not yet possess,还被迫道了个冤枉歉and I was forced to issue an undeserved apology,只因为我拒绝在一群犯人面前simply because I refuse to urinate就着个不锈钢尿盆排尿in a stainless steel bowl in front of criminals.再加上你错过了和斯坦·李见面Plus,you didn't get to meet Stan Lee.好了别刺激他了霍华德Okay,that's enough,Howard.这可怜虫够难受的了The poor guy's had a tough time.一个下午都待在监狱He had to spend the entire afternoon in jail还穿成这幅德行wearing that suit.说得对You're right,所以我们也别提在亲笔签名后so it would be cruel to mention他带斯图尔特和咱一起去吃了意式冰淇淋that after he finished signing autographs,这就太残酷了Stanley took Stuart and us out for gelato.你们和斯坦·李共进意式冰淇淋?You had gelato with Stan Lee?他还允许我们叫他斯坦He said we could call him Stan.除了拉杰Except for Raj.你这下满意了吧佩妮Well,I hope you're satisfied,Penny.今天我所遭受的磨难You are responsible这全都是你的错for all the evil that has be fallen me today.-好吧我知道...-我还没说完呢-Okay,I realize that...-Not finished.都是因为你It is because of you害得我有了犯罪记录that I now have a criminal record,还因为你害得我and it is because of you that I missed out错过了和斯坦·李共进意式冰淇淋on having gelato with Stan Lee.-好吧也许以后还有机会...-不可能了-Okay,maybe you'll have another chance to have...-No,no.再也没有这种机会和斯坦·李一起共进意式冰淇淋了I will never have another chance to have gelato with Stan Lee 因为这种机会because opportunities to have和斯坦·李一起共进意式冰淇淋一生只有一次gelato with Stan Lee come but once in a lifetime.手起笔落The Moving Finger writes,白纸黑字再难改[出自《鲁拜集》]and having writ,moves on他刚是朝我竖中指了吗Did he just somehow give me the finger?可不只是手指Not just the finger.还挥起了小手The moving finger.你好斯图尔特Hey,Stuart.你好佩妮Oh,hey,Penny.-怎么了-没什么-What's going on?-Nothing.我正准备打烊然后出发I'm just getting ready to close up and...head out.真好晚上有安排Cool.Got any fun plans?对今晚有重大安排Oh,yeah.Big night tonight.跟只猫一起共享金枪鱼罐头Gonna share a can of tuna with the cat.真好Oh,nice.那甚至不是我的猫Not even my cat.我就喂喂它I just feed it.有几晚它甚至都不会出现Some nights it doesn't even show up.好吧Oh,okay.我希望Well,I was hoping,um,你能帮我个忙you could do me a favor.义不容辞说吧Sure,yeah,name it.这次谢尔顿没见上斯坦·李我得负一定责任Well,I'm kind of responsible for Sheldon missing Stan Lee,我真的很想弥补他and I really want to make it up to him.所以希望你能给我他的电话So I was hoping you could give me his phone number也许我能安排他们见个面so maybe I can arrange for them to meet.抱歉我没他电话Oh,I'm sorry,I don't have his phone number.该死Damn.好吧谢了All right.Thank you.等等Wait.我有他地址I have his address.真的Really?太好了Great!但不能告诉你But I can't give it to you.那你为什么要提这茬Then why did you tell me you had it?我不知道这不聊天嘛I don't know.Just chatting.别这样看着我You're looking at a guy我已经可怜到连流浪猫who could very well get stood up都可能放我鸽子by a stray cat tonight.抱歉斯图尔特I'm sorry,Stuart.不管怎样谢了Thanks anyway.等等Wait.怎么了Yeah?不如我们做笔交易Maybe we can make a deal.什么交易What kind of deal?我告诉你地址I will give you the address你就陪我去参加我表妹的婚礼if you go to my cousin's wedding with me.你这是在逼我跟你约会You're extorting a date out of me?我没其他办法I kind of have to.这次要结婚的这个表妹The cousin who's getting married就是以前经常陪我参加别人婚礼的那个is the cousin I usually go to weddings with.我能带上莱纳德吗Can I bring Leonard?当然随便吧Sure.What the hell.成交Deal.告诉别人他是你表哥就行We'll tell people he's your cousin.这是斯坦·李家的大门This is Stan Lee's front door.越过斯坦·李家马路的石头We were on Stan Lee's curb,走过斯坦·李经常走过的路then we were on Stan Lee's walk,终于来到了斯坦·李家大门外and now we're at Stan Lee's front door.对Yup.天哪你按了斯坦·李家门铃Oh,Lord,you just rang Stan Lee's doorbell.就站在斯坦·李家门外At Stan Lee's house.我们就要进去跟斯坦·李共享牛奶和点心We're about to go in and have milk and cookies with Stan Lee.亲爱的我不确定他是否会招待我们点心Okay,sweetie,I don't know if we're gonna have cookies,还是直接问候了事or he's just gonna say hi,还是会怎么着所以让我来跟他谈...or really what's gonna happen,so just let me talk,and...哪位Yeah?你就是斯坦·李吗Are you Stan Lee?见鬼Oh,damn.你好我叫佩妮这位是我朋友谢尔顿Hi.I'm Penny.This is my friend,Sheldon.她现在不是我朋友We're not friends at the moment.鉴于此刻形势Depends on how this goes.好吧总之Right,right.Anyway,谢尔顿是您的超级粉丝他原打算Sheldon here is a huge fan of yours,and he was supposed那天去漫画书店参加您的见面会to meet you the other day at the comic book store,可惜最后进了监狱but he kind of ended up in jail.了解你们真以为I see.And you thought这样不请自来就能随便敲我家门you'd just come over to my house uninvited?你说过我们是受邀来的You said we were invited.不不我只说我邀请你Oh,no,no,I said I'm inviting you跟我一起去斯坦·李家to come with me to Stan Lee's house.你们这些自称粉丝的真是不可思议You know,you fan boys are unbelievable.真以为只要自己高兴随时都能按我家门铃Do you think you can just ring my doorbell any time you want?既然这样干嘛不索性进门来I mean,why don't you just come on in跟我一起看湖人队比赛好了and watch the Lakers game with me?我不是很爱好体育Well,I'm not much of a sports fan,不过感谢邀请but thank you.我很抱歉I'm sorry.他不是很懂什么叫讽刺He doesn't really understand sarcasm.好吧我动点真格的他就会懂了Well,I'll give him something he'll understand.琼妮快报警Joanie,call the police!很高兴见到你Nice to meet you.《神奇四侠》《夜魔侠》Fantastic Four,Daredevil,《无敌钢铁超人》Invincible Iron Man,分别为《钢铁侠》《蜘蛛侠》中角色快乐霍根蜥蜴博士Happy Hogan,Curt Connors...你能不能消停会Would you just let it go?Fin Fang Foom是《钢铁侠》中一条龙的形象还有最糟糕的非凡龙And worst of all,Fin Fang Foom.你去哪了Hey,where've you been?我告诉你们我去哪了I'll tell you where I've been.你们或许跟斯坦·李一起吃了冰激凌You boys may have had gelato with Stan Lee还得了他亲笔签名的漫画and gotten autographed comics,我可是亲自进了他家but I saw the inside of his house还得到了他亲笔签名的禁制令申请状and got an autographed application for a restraining order.赞Sweet.还有我还能再见到他等听证会的时候Plus,I get to hang out with him again at the hearing.下次我还能如法炮制This is going to look great hanging nextLeonard Nimoy史波克扮演者去要伦纳德·尼莫伊签名的禁制令to my restraining order from Leonard Nimoy.。

一切都好Okay-dokay.每次看这部电影我都很困惑This movie baffles me every time we watch it. 什么意思What do you mean?指南说得一清二楚The instructions are very clear:午夜后别喂魔怪"don't feed the gremlins after midnight."别弄湿魔怪"don't get the gremlins wet."这能有多难How hard is that?伙计们好啊Hi,guys.好啊亲爱的Hi,honey.好Hey.都已经是"亲爱的"啦Ooh,we're "honey" now,are we?对自从他们发展至肉体关系Yes. Since their relationship become carnal,佩妮就升级了对他的爱称Penny has upgraded his designated term of endearment,跟她称为"甜心"的人区分Thus distinguishing him from those she calls "sweetie,"通常为了略微消减隐含的讽刺之意Usually in an attempt to soften a thinly-veiled insult.别这么无聊"甜心"You're boring people,"sweetie".但有时她就是赤裸裸的讽刺Although,sometimes,she omits the veil entirely.你们在干什么So,what are you guys doing?庆祝哥伦布发现美洲纪念日Celebrating Columbus day.我们在看《七宝奇谋》《小魔怪》《少年福尔摩斯》We're watching goonies,gremlins and young sherlock holmes. 都是克里斯·哥伦布的作品They're all written by Chris Columbus.好啊Okay.那你们感恩节看什么What do you watch on thanksgiving?游行The parade.这倒是提醒了我Oh,you know,that reminds me--我通常回内布拉斯加过感恩节I usually go back to Nebraska for thanksgiving, 但今年取消了But this year they're calling it off,因为我哥哥被人告了On account of my brother's trial.为什么What's he on trial for?只是个误会Oh,just a big misunderstanding.你应该会喜欢我哥哥You know,you'd actually like my brother.他也算是个化学家He's kind of a chemist.既然我今年在这里过感恩节Anyway,I was thinking I'd have thanksgiving here,你们都要来And you are all invited.我会去的Oh. I'll be there.你是用蔓越橘果冻Will you be serving cranberry jelly还是蔓越橘酱招待客人Or cranberry sauce?估计两个都有I guess I could serve both.估计貌似你对这方面不在行You guess? You don't seem to have much of a handle on this. 佩妮我很想参加但每年Yeah,I really wish I could,Penny,but every year,我妈都请所有亲戚过来My mother has all the relatives over and cooks up做传说中的鸡胸鱼Her famous tur-briska-fil.鸡脯鱼?Tur-briska-fil?火鸡包胸脯肉杂胸脯肉里包鱼丸Turkey stuffed with a brisket stuffed with gefilte fish.没听起来那么好吃It's not as good as it sounds.拉杰你呢Raj,what about you?他通常都去我家过节对吧Oh,he usually comes to my house. Right,pal?好啦今年不逼你All right,this year,you don't have to吃鸡脯鱼啦Eat the tur-briska-fil.我根本不嚼I don't even chew it.直接当药丸吞I swallow it like pills.拉杰怎么了So,what's going on with Raj?好消息是Well,the good news is,我对我妈的鸡脯鱼没意见He has no problem with my mother's tur-brka-fil. 真不敢相信继续说Hard to believe,but go on.坏消息是他要被驱逐出境了The bad news is,he says he'getting deported.他要被驱逐出境What do you mean,是什么意思He's getting deported?意思是美国政府I believe it means that the U.S. Government要驱赶他离开本国Is going to expel him from the country.他要么回印度老家He could then either return to his native india,要么移居接受他的国家Emigrate to another country that's willing to accept him, 或者去公海当个无国籍海盗Or wander the high seas as a stateless pirate.要是我我就选海盗Personally,I'd choose pirate.佩妮你能不能先出去Penny,would you mind stepping outside我们才能和他谈谈So we can speak to him?Fine.但他也该改改不敢跟女生说话的毛病了But the man really needs to work on his girl issues.这也是考虑做海盗的理由Another reason to consider life of piracy.即使是今天海盗仍是男性职业Even today,I unrstand that's an all-male profession.好了她走了Okay,she's go.对不起我失态了Sorry. I lost my cool.怎么回事So,what's going on?事情是这样的Okay,here's the deal:六个月前我的实验Six months ago,my research testing测试海王星物体的成分The predicted composition of trans-neptunian objects 宣告失败Ran into a dead end.So?我的签证只有在大学任聘才有用So,my visa's only good as long as i employ to the university. 如果他们发现我的实验一无所获And when they find out that I've got squat,他们就会裁掉我They're going to cut me off.而且我说的一无所获是一丁点都没有By the way,when I say squat,I mean diddly-squat.我倒是希望有那么一丁点收获I wish I had squat.等等那你过去6个月都在做什么So,wait,what have you been doing for the past six months? 收收邮件啦You know,checking e-mail,更新FACEBOOK页面啦Updating my facebook status,搞搞维基词条啦Messing up wikipedia entries.你们知道吗Hey,do you know netflixNETFLIX现在允许客户端下载电影了Lets you stream movies on your computer now?这么说你一直都拿大学的薪水And you've continued to take the university's money 蒙混过日子Under false pretenses?你这个天体物理学家也太没职业道德了Highly unethical for an astrophysicist.不过倒是很适合海盗Although practically mandatory for a pirate.我不想回印度I don't want to go back to india.印度又热又吵人又多It's hot and loud,and there's so many people.你们不知道到处都是人You have no idea-- they're everywhere.伙计们动动脑子Okay,guys,think.怎么才能让拉杰留下来How do we keep Raj in the country?另找一份工作不就行了Why doesn't he just get another job?你问我有什么用What are you asking me for?我哪知道你能不能说话I don't know if you can talk now or not. 牛肉Oh,beef...我会很想念你的I'm going to miss you so much.知道吗孟买的麦当劳Do you know,at the mumbai Mcdonald's, 没有巨无霸You can't get a big mac?只有鸡肉大君麦香堡All you can get is a chicken maharaja mac. 而特制酱料And the special sauce--咖喱相信我在印度Curry-- which,in india,believe you me,咖喱一点也不特别Is really not that special.别担心能找到工作的Don't worry,you'll find another job.我先练习一下Yeah,let me start practicing for it."要薯条和大君麦香堡吗""do you want fries with maharaja mac?"好啊莱纳德Hi,Leonard.好啊拉杰Hello,Raj.你好谢尔顿Hello，Sheldon.不好意思虽然我还不善长解读面部表情Forgive me,as you know,I'm no adept at reading facial cues, 但我想试一试But I'm going to take a stab here:你不是在伤心就是在反胃中You're either sad or nauseated.-我是伤心-我正准备说伤心的- I'm sad. - I was going to say sad.不知道怎么的我犹豫了I don't know why I hedged.你在吃什么What are you eating?曲管通心粉配牛肉酱和番茄酱Elbow macaroni with ground hamburger and tomato sauce. 噢牛肉通心粉Oh,beefaroni.我最怀念的就会是你了I think I'll miss you most of all.我一直对这事儿有些疑惑I've always been a little confused about this.为什么印度教不准吃牛肉Why don't hindus eat beef?我们相信牛就是神We believe cows are gods.学术上说并不准确Not technically.在印度教中牛被认为长的像神In hinduism,cattle are thought to be like god.不需要你教我自家的文化谢尔顿Do not tell me about my own culture,Sheldon!就我现在的心情老子会揪你出去的In the mood I'm in,I'll take you out--我向牛发誓I swear to cow!对不起I'm sorry.我也是Me,too.我只是我有点激动了I'm just... I'm a little on edge.可以理解Understandle.你的整个人生仿佛崩溃了Your entire life seems to be crumbling around you, 你的未来充其量也只能说惨淡无光And your future appears bleak at best.谢谢Thank you.而且你在印度教和牛的问题上是错的And you're wrong about hinduism and cows.拉杰你猜怎么着Hey,Raj,guess what.拉夫林教授正招募人员加入Professor Laughlin is looking for someone to join 恒星进化科研小组The stellar evolution research team.真的吗那太棒了You-you're kidding! That's fantastic!那你还在等什么打电话预约面试啊What are you waiting for? Call him and set up an interview. 现在就打I'm on it.这叫高兴对吗That's happy,right?-没错-搞定- Yeah. - Nailed it.库萨帕里博士请进Dr. Koothrappali,come on in.我很惊讶你居然想加入I was surprised to hear you were interested我们这个小团队In joining our little team.放弃那些海王星外星体了是吗Giving up on those trans-neptunian objects,are we?不不那是个很有前景的领域No,no,it's a very promising area.如果条件理想我愿意花数年在这课题上In a perfect world,I'd spend several more years on it.但我却不能放弃这个机会But I just couldn't pass up the opportunity与您共同研究这个令人无比兴奋To work with you on your tremendously exciting 且还未最终定论的假设上And not yet conclusively disproved hypothesis. 说的太精彩了Splendid.请坐Uh,please sit down.要来一杯雪利酒吗Can I offer you a Sherry?现在还为时过早不是吗It's a little early,isn't it?我们不在比邻星上[很暗的恒星意指还早]Not on Proxima Centauri.说的太好了That's very good.非常有趣但如果你不介意的话Jolly amusing,but if you don't mind,把我那杯留到泰坦星日落之时[土卫六日落晚]I'll hold off until suet on Titan.说的好Well done.我预感你将会I have a feeling you're going很好的融入这个团队的库萨帕里博士To fit in just fine,Dr. Koothrappali.谢谢称赞先生Thank you,sir.不好意思I'm sorry.我来晚了吗Am I late?不不时间正好No,no,no. Right on time.库萨帕里博士请允许我向你介绍Dr. Koothrappali,may I present来自麻省理工的麦思彤博士Dr. Millstone from MIT.她将领导我们的数据分析小组She'll be heading up our data analysis team. 很高兴认识你库萨帕里博士It's nice to meet you,Dr. Koothrappali.我读了您关于柯伊伯带物体大小分布的文章I read your paper on Kuiper Belt object size distribution. 我非常喜欢I really enjoy it.您是如何修正选择偏差的呢How did you correct for the selection bias?我进行了模拟测试Well,I ran a simulation that allowed me令我可以修正观测效率To correct for the observational efficiency.这实在是太牛了That's just fascinating.谢谢Thank you.你想在我的热水浴池里了解更多细节吗Would you like to hear more about it in my hot tub?那我们什么时候开始呢So,when do I start?你没得到工作是什么意思What do you mean you didn't get the job?你怎么可能得不到How could you not get it?你知道的他是英国人我是印度人{\c I'm indian.自甘地之后他们就对我们不大友好了Ever since Gandhi,they haven't liked us very much.等等你是说他对你有种族歧视Wait,are you saying that he discriminated against you? 因为我们应该提出控告Because we should file a complaint.可以是可以That's okay.已经有人来控告了A complaint's been filed.好了玩完了So,that's it.那是我最后的希望That was my last hope.我要被驱除出境了I'm going to be deported,狼狈地回到家里Sent home in disgrace,被我表亲桑杰冷嘲热讽Exposed to the sardonic barb of my cousin Sanjay.或许你们知道他的马甲Or,as you may know him,是AT&T的客服人员戴夫Dave from at&t customer service.我会很想你的I'm really going to miss you.你会来印度探望我吗Will you come visit me india?天那个貌似要17小时的飞机吧Gee,that's,like,a 17-hour flight.要不我们在中点相见How about I meet you halfway?中点是在离日本海岸线600英里的地方Halfway is 600 miles off the coast of japan. 干脆这样我们视频吧Tell you what,we'll Skype.先生们Gentlemen.-嗨-拉杰- Hey. - Raj,你得到了拉夫林教授的工作吗Did you get a job with Professor Laughlin?-没有-我猜也是- No. - I assumed as much.但别害怕But never fear.就像是无数的动作片里面Like the subordinate male protagonist那些次要男主角In countless action movies在影片放到一半时消失那样Who disappears half way through the second reel, 我现在回来拯救世界I have returned to save the day.奇怪了Odd.他通常都是在欢呼声中回归的Usually,he's met by cheers.不论如何我正想着探索Anyway,I was thinking about exploring超弦理论在The string theory implications暗物质湮灭时所放出的伽玛射线中的含义Of gamma rays from dark matter annihilations,我突然间发现我能利用And it occurred to me that I could benefit--打扰一下谢尔顿Excuse me,Sheldon.通常需要浪费多少卷胶片才能让次要的男主角How many reels before the subordine male protagonist 说到重点上Gets to s point?不好意思如果你没有为我的出场欢呼I'm sorry-- if you didn't cheer at my entrance,那你现在提出你的假设也为时已晚了It's too late to buy into the premise.不管怎么说我从系主任那里Anyway,I got some extra money获得了多余的资金From the head of the department,而拉杰可以来给我打工And Raj can come work for me.你想让我与你共事You want me to work with you?是给我打工For me.你今后在工作的时候You're going to have to listen必须要更仔细的听清我的话More careful when you're on the job.好吧但是可别搞错了Ay,uh,please don't take this the wrong way,我情愿在乳头上别张纸But I'd rather swim buck-naked across the Ganges 赤条条地游过恒河With a paper cut on my nipple抑或是染上病毒痛苦而挣扎着死掉And die a slow,agonizing death也不要和你一起工作From a viral infection than work with you.是为我工作For me.谢尔顿你在忙吗Sheldon,are you busy?这不废话么Of course I'm busy.那要我等你吗Shall I wait?当然了Yes,please能为你效劳吗How may I help you?我重新考虑了你提出的合作建议I've reconsidered your offer to let me work with you. 是为我工作For me是是为你工作Yes,for you.我接受但有几个条件I do,however,have a few conditions.首先任何情况下First,at all times,你都得把我看作同事平等对待I am to be treated as a colleague and an equal.其次在所有发表物上Second,my contributions shall noted都应注明我的名字和贡献In all published material.第三绝不许你在我面前And third,you are never allowed to lecture me挑剔我的印度教或印度文化On hinduism or my Indian culture.真令我感到钦佩拉杰I'm impressed,Raj.你提得条件中肯而合理Those are very cogent and reasonable conditions.谢谢Thank you.我统统拒绝I reject them all.那我就毫无选择了Then you leave me no choice.只能接受这份工作I accept the job.真抱歉我想你大概搞错了I'm sorry,I believe you've misunderstood.我才不是请你来工作I'm not giving you the job.我只是给你一个机会来应征I'm simply affording you the opportunity to apply for it. 坐下吧我们先来面试{\c we'll get started with the interview.靠你开玩笑吗Wha... You're kidding!请坐Please.好吧all right.好吧...So...你就穿这个来面试吗That's what you wear to an interview?行行好吧哥们我们可是多年的老友啊Come on,dude,we've been friends for years. 哇开始套近乎了吗Oh,pulling strings,are we?谢尔顿看在老天爷的份上别逼我求你Sheldon,for god's sakes,don't make me beg. 逗你玩!Bazinga!你是我经典实用笑话You've fallen victim的第N个受害者To another one of my classic practical jokes.我现在可是老板你敢说我的笑话不好笑?I'm your boss now. You may want to laugh at that. 二人世界的感觉真棒不是吗Ah,this is nice having the place to ourselves,isn't it? 唔唔Uh-huh.拉杰正和谢尔顿一起工作Now that raj is working for sheldon,我就不用开车载他了I don't have to chauffeur him around anymore.更重要的是他们工作到这么晚plus,yeah,with them working late so much,我们就能过二人世界了We get some privacy.嗯哼Mm-hmm.想来点儿刺激的吗Hey,want to get a little crazy?你想怎样What are you thinking?我们在谢尔顿的专座上狠狠干一场Let's slide over to sheldon's spot and make out.你可真是放荡You are a dirty girl.天啊他怎么知道Oh,god,how did he know?你们好啊Hello.嗨霍华德Hi,howard.我打扰你们了吗Am I interrupting?是有一点Little bit,yeah.我应该先打个电话来Guess I should have called.说得也是Yeah,maybe.今晚我通常都和拉杰一起Tonight's the night I usually go line dancing 去帕拉米诺跳排排舞With raj at the palomino.然后呢Uh-huh.但他现在却要和谢尔顿一起工作But he's working with sheldon.我们知道Yes,we know.要我走吗Want me to leave?也无所谓啦You know,whatever.那好我就在这消磨一会儿好了Okay,I guess I can hang for a little while.在看什么呢So what are we watching?哇欲望都市Sex and the city. Yikes.别换台我喜欢这部电影Hey,I happen to love this mie.好那就看吧Fine,let's watch it.好像我们的经期同步了哈Maybe all our periods will synchronize.好我们现在要设计一个实验All right,we're going to be designing an experiment以观察由于宇宙暗物质的碰撞To look for the annihilation spectrum而产生的光谱湮灭现象Resulting from dark matter collisions in space. 哇暗物质耶Ooh,dark matter.那我们最好带个手电筒We better bring a flashlight.开玩笑而已I was making a joke.我才是老板I'm the boss.只有我能开玩笑I make the jokes.抱歉你来吧Sorry go ahead and make your joke.现在有时间开玩笑吗This is not the time for joking.我们可是正儿八经地在做研究We're doing serious research,需要完全高度集中精神Which requires complete and utter focus.好那就全力开工吧All right,let's buckle down and work.("虎视眈眈" 电影洛奇主题曲幸存者乐队演奏) ("eye of the tiger" by survivor playing)-谢尔顿-咋了-Sheldon. -What?有脑残片么I need an aspirin.在头个抽屉里Top desk drawer.-谢了-好了吗-Thank you. -Alright?-是-很好-Yes. -Good.真是有趣That was fun.谢谢Thank you.莱纳德亲亲我们每一次嘿咻完Leonard,honey,you don't have to say thank you 你不用都说谢谢Every time we have sex.噢好Oh. Okay.明天你如果在信箱里看到张卡片Tomorrow you're going to get a card in the mail. 扔了它就是Just throw it away.两位早上好啊(爱尔兰腔)Top o' the mornin'o ya!你在这干嘛What are you doing here?平时星期天我都是和拉杰一起Well,usually,on Sundays,I go with raj去农贸市场骗骗嬉皮小妞To scam on hippie chicks at the farmers market, 但他还在谢尔顿那里工作But he's still working with sheldon,所以我想还是到这来So I thought I'd come over here给你们做一些炒鸡蛋和意大利香肠And make you guys scrambled eggs and salami. 最适合刚缠绵过的情侣It's the perfect meal for apres l'amour.噢杀了我吧Oh,kill me.顺便无意中听到你最后那猛地一下By the way,I couldn't help overhearing your big finish. 真有你的啊莱纳德Bravo,leonard.瞧如果我说杀了我的时候你杀了我See,if you had killed me when I said "kill me,"我就不会听到了I wouldn't have had to hear that.你们有何打算What do you guys think?想去看个日场演出吗Wanna take in a matinee,还是去溜旱冰Maybe go rollerblading,去上节健身踏板课程Catch a step class?-你倒是做点什么呢-好吧- Do something. - Okay.霍华德我们得谈谈Um,Howard,we need talk.好啊怎么了福尔摩斯Sure. wats up,Holmes?你得明白Uh... Please understand不是我们不想你呆在这儿That it's not that we don't want you around,但我和佩妮偶尔也需要...But Penny and I occasionally need some...独处一会儿Alone time.我明白了我当电灯泡了I-I get it,I'm the third wheel.抱歉我早该明白的Sorry,I should have seen that.我这就走I'll get out of your way.还有那些鸡蛋... 快趁热吃吧You're gonna want to eat those eggs while they're still hot. 谢谢Thank you.冰箱里还有熏鲑鱼和奶油芝士There's lox and cream cheese in the fridge.百吉饼在烤箱里我正在加热The bagels are in the oven.I was warming them up.太好了That's great.我就去跟我妈呆着好了反正一直都很好玩的I'm just going to hang out with my mother.That's always fun. 很好Good.我们是不是太坏了Are we terrible people?我不知道I don't know.那你想让我怎么办What do you want me to do?去追他吧带他回来{\c bring him back.你确定Are you sure?-对-好吧- Yeah. - Okay.霍华德回来吧Howard come back.你们还真让我担心了那么一会儿Oh,you guys had me scared for a minute.不对不对No,no,no,no!据我们对本次对撞的预测这个比率远远过低了That rate is much too low from what we'd expect from this collision. 你到底明不明白Do you understand我们在讨论的是暗物质在外层空间的对撞We're talking about Dark Matter colliding in outer space?我当然明白Of course I understand.你算哪根葱来跟我讨论外层空间And who are you to tell me about outer space?我是天体物理学家I'm the astrophysicist.天体就意味着外太空"astro" means "space"天体是指星星"astro" means "star"好吧这么跟你说吧Okay,well,let me just tell you,如果这会儿是用我的母语在跟你争论If we having this argument in my native language 我早就把你杀得片甲不留I'd be kicking your butt.英语本来就是你的母语English is your native language.好吧这个让你说对了但这边你确实错了Okay,you got me there,but you're wrong about this! 错误和幻想还是有微妙区别的There is a fine line between wrong and visionary.不幸的是想看我出错除非你做梦Unfortunately you have to be a visionary to see it. 我的天你还真以为蹦到你脑子里的My god,you think that every thought每一个想法一定都是真金不怕火炼的That comes out of your head is pure gold.我告诉你Well,let me tell you something.你有些想法它就是一堆粪球Some of those thoughts are pure caca.粪球Caca就是一坨屎It means "doo-doo."够了All right!首先库萨帕里博士First of all,Dr. Koothrappali,我当初提议你跟我共事的时候...When I first proposed that you work with me..这么说我是跟你共事咯Aha! So I am working with you.在此语境下"跟我共事"就是指"为我做事"In this context,"with me" means for me."好吧在此语境下...Ah,well,in this context...你说我错了证明给我看If I'm wrong,prove it.好吧Okay.这里我们推导出了暗物质粒子的质量Here's where we derive the mass of the Dark Matter particle. 不不No,no,no.你对它原子量的表述是错误的You've misstated the atomic weight of the target.-让我说完-你这是在毁了我的研究- Let me finish. - You're defacing my work.不对我是在修正你的研究I'm not defacing it,I'm fixing it.-把白板擦给我-不要- Give me the eraser. - No.我说了把白板擦给我I said give it to me.有本事就来拿Come and get it.好吧Fine.上帝啊Oh,lord.库萨帕里博士Dr. Koothrappali,我以你上级的身份禁止你在我的白板上写字As your superior,I forbid you from writing on my board! 你才不是我的上级You are not my superior.从各方面看我都占优势I am in every way.是吗Oh,yeah?这个你能做到吗Can you do this?很高兴与您共事Nice working with you.抱歉说错了是为您做事I'm sorry-- for you.拉杰Raj...拉杰拉杰Raj... Raj...我很忙I'm busy.忙什么Doing what?好吧你说得很清楚了All right,you've made your point. 你来干什么谢尔顿What do you want,Sheldon?我仔细看了板上的内容I looked over the board结果证明你是对的And it turns out you were right.-这么说你错了-我可没这么说- So you were wrong. - I didn't say that.这是唯一合乎逻辑的推理That's the only logical inference.尽管如此反正我没说过Nevertheless,I didn't say it.总之我想请你回来帮我做事Anyway,I would like you to come back and work for me. 是帮你做事还是跟你共事For you or with you?在此语境下"帮我做事"也指"跟我共事"In this coext "for me" could mean "with me."好吧但我有几个条件All right,but I have some conditions.-我一概拒绝-我接受这份工作- I reject them all. - I'll take the job.周一见See you Monday.等等你得载我回家Wait,you have to drive me home.-你怎么来的-走路来的- How did you get here? - I walked.-那就再走回去-不行- So walk home. - I can't.外面有条大狗...There's a big dog outside...回家路上我们可以开始想想On the way home,we can start thinking为500GeV的粒子优化探测器的办法About methods of optimizing the detector for 500 GeV particles 好吧All right.。

s03e01 The Electric Can Opener Fluctuation1.普通级词汇sass：vt. 对…出言不逊,说无礼的话effusive：adj. 流出的,感情奔放的luau：n. (常伴有文娱节目的)夏威夷式宴会toga：n. (古罗马)宽外袍,罗马主题plummeting：adj. 骤然下降,像铅球那样急速垂直下降般obnoxious：adj. 可憎的,不愉快的dictator：n. 独裁者Dickensian：adj. 如同狄更斯笔下的人物那样自私、消沉repentance：n. 悔改Mush：int. 走!,前进!trouper：n. 演员,老练演员buoy：n. 救生圈vt. 使浮起;鼓舞,激励trajectory：n. 轨道detour：n. 绕路,迂回blunder：n. 大错scathing：adj. 严厉的,尖刻的doozy：n. 非常好或非常糟糕的东西heathen：n. 异教徒turtleneck：n. 高领tumbleweeds：n. 风滚草red-eye：n. 通宵航班demon：n. 魔鬼2.爆炸级词汇post hoc ergo propter hoc：[拉丁语]发生于其后者必然是其结果(指一种普通的逻辑上的谬误，即后此谬误) Vulcan：瓦肯人(from the Star Trek),相信大家都不陌生了,Spock那群人,耳朵尖尖,听力好,有如葫芦娃里二娃的顺风耳(字幕组真是油菜)cosmological constant：宇宙常数,含宇宙常数项的场方程是R_uv-1/2*R*g_uv+L*g_uv=κ*T_uv,其中L代表宇宙常数,其物理意义是宇宙真空场。

L*g_uv为宇宙常数项。

R_uv为里契张量,代表空间的弯曲状况。

T_uv 为能量-动量张量,代表物质分布和运动状况。

g_uv为度规,κ为系数,可由低速的牛顿理论来确定。

"_"后字母为下标。

生活大爆炸3
《生活大爆炸》是一部以科学家们的日常生活为主要题材的美国情景喜剧。

第三季在2009年9月21日首播，共23集。

故事还是围绕四位天才科学家莱纳德、谢耳朵、霍华德和拉杰的生活展开，他们已经成为众人眼中的科学怪人，四个人的个性各异，他们身处不同的爱情、职业、友谊等问题中。

在这一季中，我们看到了莱纳德试图与前女友斯蒂芬妮复合的努力，谢耳朵与女友布兰妮的分手和复合，霍华德在妻子伯纳黛特的帮助下逃离了空间站的险境，拉杰遇到了自闭症女孩莎拉时面临的困惑。

这一季也展现了众多著名科学家和名人客串出演，包括肯·詹金斯和斯蒂芬·霍金等。

整个故事情节新颖，对人物性格及爱情观等进行了深入解析，另外还涉及到社交网络、动画、游戏等领域的话题。

这一季的高潮部分是谢耳朵与布兰妮的分手，这是因为谢耳朵的分手技巧不够出色。

他向朋友求助后学会了一些方法，但最终还是因为他的本性问题导致了分手。

这场分手让观众看到了爱情的复杂性和不确定性。

总之，这一季的《生活大爆炸》融合了科技、文化、爱情等多种元素，给观众带来了轻松有趣和难忘的感受！。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E13 – The Bozeman ReactionScene: A Chinese restaurant.Howard: Boy, seems like forever since the four of us have been out to eat, you know? Just the guys. Raj: Oh, God! Yes, we get it. You have a girlfriend now.Howard: A little jealous, are we?Raj: No, I’m not jealous. All right, I’d kill a hobo if it’ll get me laid. Now, can we order?Sheldon: Oh, dear Lord, they re-did the menu.Leonard: So what? It’s the same food.Sheldon:Oh, is it? Look at this. General Tso’s Chicken is no longer listed under specialties. It’s now under chicken.Raj: So?Sheldon: Y es, General Tso.Raj: Not Tso the chicken, so the question. So?Sheldon: So, why is it no longer a specialty? Did the chef lose confidence in the dish or himself? And look over here, shrimp in mobster sauce. What is mobster sauce?Leonard:It’s obviously a typo.Sheldon: Perhaps. Perhaps this restaurant’s now a front for organized crime. For all we know, the mobster sauce contains actual chunks of deceased mobsters.Raj: No, no, no, no, I think it just means it’s the kind of sauce that mobsters like.Howard: It doesn’t mean any of that! It’s a typo.Leonard:You know what? Let’s just get a pizza.Sheldon: Good idea. We’ll go to Corleone’s.Howard: Sure, no mobsters thereScene: The stairwell.Sheldon: You know, the more I think about it, the mobster sauce couldn’t possibly contain chunks of mobster.Leonard: And why is that?Sheldon: It was listed under seafood.Leonard: What if they were mobsters who slept with the fishes?Sheldon: Leonard, are we having a serious conversation or not?Leonard (noticing their door has been broken open): What the…?Sheldon: The TV is gone.Leonard: So are our laptops.Sheldon: Oh God, oh God, oh, God! It’s all right. They didn’t take my comic books.Credits sequence.Scene: The apartment.Sheldon: They took our TV, two laptops, four external hard-drives, our PS2, our PS3, our X-Box, our X-Box 360, our classic Nintendo, our Super Nintendo, our Nintendo 64 and our Wii.Leonard: We like games.Sheldon: Right, games. They took Halo 1, Halo 2, Halo 3, Call of Duty 1, Call of Duty 2, Call of Duty 3, Rock Band, Rock Band 2, Final Fantasy 1 thru 9, The Legend of Zelda, The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, Super Mario Brothers, Super Mario Galaxy, Mario and Sonic at the Winter Olympics and Ms. Pacman.Policeman: Assorted video games.Sheldon: When does the CSI team get here?Policeman: What?Sheldon: In anticipation of their arrival, I’ve bagged some evidence. O ne of the thieves had the audacity to quench his thirst while ransacking our home. You should be able to pull some good prints off this. And now, here are my prints so you can rule me out as a suspect.Leonard: What about me?Sheldon: I’m sorry, Leonard. It’s too early to discount the possibility of this being an inside job.Leonard: Would I be completely out of line to ask you to shoot him?Policeman: I’d be happy to put him under a 72-hour psychiatric hold.Sheldon:I’m not crazy. My mother had me tested.Policeman:We’re done here. Call this number, and we’ll fax you a copy of the report so you can submit it to your insurance company.Sheldon:I’m sorry, that’s the end of your inquiry?Policeman: Do you have any more information that might be relevant?Sheldon: Oh, my goodness. Where do I begin? For instance, my laptop contained four out of the five gedanken experiments necessary for a cogent restatement of the quantum measurement problem. Leonard: How is that going to help them?Sheldon:Well, they could monitor scientific publications and see if anyone posts such a cogent restatement in the next couple of months. If so, the authors are most likely in possession of my stolen laptop.Policeman: Good night, fellas. Come on, Bochco.Leonard: What are we supposed to do now?Sheldon: The only thing we can do. Watch TV on our phones until the criminals return and bludgeon us to death in our sleep.Leonard:Does that mean you’ve ruled me out as a suspect?Sheldon: Oh, how I wish I could.Scene: Sheldon’s bedroom. Sheldon is restless. He gets up and checks the door is locked. He then moves his chest of drawers in front of the door. Goes back to bed.Sheldon: I do not have to urinate. I am the master of my own bladder. Drat.Scene: Penny’s apartment.Penny:I can’t believe it. If I hadn’t been working the dinner shift, I would’ve runright into the robbers.Leonard: Hey, there’s no reason for you to be scared.Penny:I’m not scared. I would’ve gone all Nebraska on their asses.Sheldon:(Knock, knock, knock) Leonard and Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Leonard and Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Leonard and Penny.Leonard: Hand me the bat.Sheldon: We just had a major crime in the building, and you open the door without asking who it is? Penny:It won’t happen again, what’s up?Sheldon: Nothing. Just wanted to see if you were both okay.Leonard: We’re fine, Sheldon.Sheldon: All right, then. Good night.Penny: Good night. That was weird, even for him.Leonard: Mm-hmm.Sheldon:(Knock, knock, knock) Leonard and Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Leonard and Penny. (Knock,knock, knock) Leonard and Penny.Penny: Who is it?Sheldon: Sheldon. Sheldon Cooper.Penny: Yes?Sheldon: May I come in?Penny: Yeah.Sheldon:I see you’re drinking wine.Leonard:Yes, we are. And we’re about to go to bed.Sheldon: Uh-huh.Penny: Sheldon, do you want to sleep here tonight?Sheldon:Oh, as small as Leonard is, I don’t think the two of you’d be comfortable on the couch. Leonard: What do you want?Sheldon:It’s not what I want, it’s what evolution wants. Human beings are primates. Primates have evolved to live in groups, both for protection and support.Leonard:But you don’t like other people.Sheldon:I do tonight. It’s scary over there.Leonard:It’s getting scary here, too.Scene: The apartment. Sheldon is drawing picture clues on his whiteboard.Penny: Um… three little kittens? Three little pigs? God, I don’t know. Star Wars?Leonard: Did we win? Can we go to bed?Sheldon: Good Lord, I could not have made this easier. Hydrogen atom, H, plus pigs minus pea, Higgs. Bow, General Zod trapped in the Phantom Zone. Bow-zone. Pear. Tickle. Pear-tickle. Higgs Boson Particle. How could you not get that?Leonard:He’s right, Penny. It’s all there.Penny:Look, Sheldon, sweetie, I know you’re feeling insecure, but we’ve really got to go to sleep. Sheldon:All right. I’ll take the first watch and wake you at 0400.Leonard: Great. Good night.Penny: Wait, wait, what’s 0400?Leonard: 4am.Penny: That’s, like, in 45 minutes.Leonard: Just keep walking. (Sheldon checks door then puts TV on his phone)Woman on TV:It’s quiet out there.Man on TV: Maybe a little too quiet.Woman on TV: Where are you going?Man on TV: Just gonna take a look around outside.Sheldon: Bad idea.Woman on TV:No, Jim, don’t open the door!Sheldon: Listen to her, Jim.Man on TV: Don’t worry, there’s no one out here. (Sound of woman screaming. Sheldon nods, and turns off TV. Walks down to Leonard’s room.)Sheldon:(Knock, knock, knock) Leonard and Penny! (Knock, knock, knock) Leonard and Penny! (Knock, knock, knock) Leonard and Penny!Leonard: Who is it?Scene: Outside the apartment.Howard: All right, we’ve got a titanium dead bolt and a reinforced jamb controlled by a state-of-the-art electronic access system.Sheldon: What if they cut the power?Raj: There’s a 200-watt uninterruptible backup power supply.Sheldon: What if someone steals my keys?Raj: There are independent voice and fingerprint scanners.Sheldon: What if someone kidnaps me, forces me to record my voice, and then cuts off my thumb? Leonard: I’ll send them a basket of muffins.Howard: Now, inside, we’ve got motion detectors, infrared sensors, and cameras connected to a server running state-of-the-art facial recognition software.Leonard: Where did you get all this stuff?Howard: I got a buddy over at the Department of Defence.Leonard: He just gave it to you?Howard:I’m sure he would have if I had asked. Ironically, their security isn’t all that good.Penny (entering): Raj, your car is blocking me… (A wire net falls on her, while a computer voice repeats the words “Intruder Alert”) What the hell?Leonard: Sorry, let me help you.Sheldon:Wonderful security system if we’re attacked by a school of tuna.Howard: Don’t worry, the net’s going to be electrified. Picture her on the floor, spasming uncontrollably. Sheldon: Better.Scene: Sheldon’s bedroom.Sheldon: Sheldon’s journal. Security system in place. However, sleep continues to elude me. I’ve seen the underbelly of Pasadena, this so-called City of Roses, and it haunts me. Ah, the injustice, I lie here awake, tormented, while out there evil lurks, probably playing Donkey Kong on my classic Nintendo. (Hears a noise. Goes to check, then panics and climbs out window onto ledge.) Oh, dear. I am the master of my own bladder. (Crawls al ong to Leonard’s window, where Leonard and Penny are inside being intimate. Knock, knock, knock) Leonard and Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Leonard and Penny.(Knock, knock, knock) Leonard and Penny.Penny: Oh, my…Leonard: God, Sheldon. What the hell are you doing out there?Sheldon: I heard a noise.Leonard: It was us. We knocked over a lamp.Sheldon: Why would you knock over a lamp?Leonard:We were going to have…Penny:He doesn’t need to know what we were doing, Leonard.Sheldon:Oh! No, she’s right, I don’t need to know what you were doing. Carry on. (Starts to climb back out of window)Leonard: What are you doing? Use the door.Sheldon:Good thinking. Perhaps I’ll check the perimeter and make some warm milk.Leonard: Great, you do that.Sheldon: Would you like me to bring you some warm milk?Leonard:I’m lactose intolerant.Sheldon:And you don’t wish to alarm me with any more loud noises, very thoughtful. Warm milk, Penny? Penny: No, thanks.Sheldon: Fine. Good night to you, sir. Miss.Leonard: Sorry about that.Penny: Ugh, what can you do? Here. (From outside there is the sound of the net falling and computer voice saying “Intruder alert.” Then Sheldon screaming. They run out to find Sheldon convulsing under the net.) Leonard: Looks like Wolowitz got the net electrified.Penny: Sheldon, are you okay?Sheldon:I’m fine. Although I’m no longer the master of my own bladder.Scene: The apartment.Sheldon: My new computer came with Windows 7. Windows 7 is much more user-friendly than Windows Vista. I don’t like that.Leonard: Don’t you think looking for a new city to live in is a bit of an overreaction?Sheldon:Our apartment was broken into, our security system tried to kill me, and as a result, I’m leaving Pasadena forever. Tell me how that’s overreacting.Penny:Come on, Sheldon, you can’t move. Don’t you need to stay in one place so the mother ship can find you when it returns?Sheldon:Oh, if that were only true. Unfortunately, as I’m earthbound for the foreseeable future, I need to find a location that’s more hospitable than the mean streets of Pasadena. Like Enid, Oklahoma. Low crime rate and high-speed Internet connectivity, but no model train shops. Sorry, Enid.Penny: Is he quitting his job at the university?Leonard:Oh, no, he’s going to telecommute. Everybody’s really excited about it.Sheldon:All right. Boone, North Carolina. Every summer since 1952, Boone has hosted an outdoor amphitheater portrayal of the life and times of its namesake, Dan’l Boone. Sounds like something that would attract the wrong crowd. Penny, you’re from Nebraska, correct?Penny: Born and raised. (Sheldon crosses Nebraska off his map)Scene: Sheldon’s bedroom. Sheldon is packing.Sheldon: It will take me a few days to get settled. After I do, I will e-mail you detailed PDFs containing diagrams and instructions that will guide you through packing and shipping the rest of my possessions to Bozeman, Montana. In the meantime, please forward my mail.Leonard: Any place specific or just the Bozeman, Montana Loony Bin?Sheldon: I sense you’re making a joke, but Bozeman does have a comedy club called The Loony Bin, so do not forward my mail there.Howard:Oh, come on. So you were the victim of a crime. That’s part of life. When my great- grandfather first came to this country, he put all his hopes and dreams into this little butcher shop he ran on the Lower East Side of New York. You know what happened? Every customer who walked into that butcher shop and asked for a pound of liver, got ripped off. But, those people moved on, and so should you.Sheldon: I am moving on. I’m going to be a Bozite.Leonard: They call themselves Bozites?Sheldon:They should. It’s one of the first things I plan to bring up upon arrival.Penny: Sheldon, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m going to miss you.Sheldon:Please, Penny, as you know, I’m not comfortable with prolonged good-byes and maudlin displays of emotion, so I prepared a short video.Sheldon on laptop screen: Greetings. As you know, I’m not comfortable with prolonged good-byes and maudlin displays of emotion, so I prepared this short video. The four of you are three of my closest friends and one treasured acquaintance. Though I cannot state categorically that my life will be diminished by not having you in it, I am comfortable if you choose to believe that. Since you intend to remain in this lawless metropolitan area, statistics suggest that you will succumb to tragic and gruesome ends before we meet again. Live long and prosper.Penny:Sheldon, that’s so… (Turns to find he has gone.)Sheldon (entering again): You might want to lock the door behind me. This isn’t Bozeman.Howard (after Raj whispers to him): How the hell do I know who’s the friend and who’s the acquaintance?Scene: Bozeman, Montana bus depot.Sheldon: That is a bracing cold, an invigorating cold. Lord, is it cold!Man: Help you with your bags, sir?Sheldon: Thank you, fellow Bozite. And may I say, you are the living embodiment of all the promises made by our lovely town’s Chamber of Commerce. (Man picks up bags and starts running.) Wait! Wait! Excuse me! (At ticket desk) One ticket to Pasadena, California, please.Scene: The apartment. Sheldon enters.Howard:Hey, look who’s back!Sheldon: Interesting. The acquaintance is the first to greet me.。

基本信息中文名: 生活大爆炸[1]第三季美剧《生活大爆炸第三季》海报酷优网提供英文名称: The Big Bang Theory Season3版本: [双语字幕][][RMVB+HR-HDTV]电视台: 美国CBS电视台首播时间: 2009年演员: Johnny Galecki ... Leonard Hofstadter (18 episodes, 2007-2008)Jim Parsons ... Sheldon Cooper (18 episodes, 2007-2008)Kaley Cuoco ... Penny (18 episodes,2007-2008)Simon Helberg ... Howard Wolowitz (18 episodes, 2007-2008)Kunal Nayyar ... Rajnesh Koothrappali / ... (18 episodes, 2007-2008)地区: 美国语言: 英语剧情介绍（译自CBS官方新闻发布稿）这是一部以"科学天才" 为背景的情景喜剧，这倒非常罕见。

主人公Leonard (Johnny Galecki,生活大爆炸第三季剧照(5张) "Roseanne") 和Sheldon (Jim Parsons "Judging Amy")是一对好朋友，他们的智商绝对高人一等，因为他们对量子物理学理论可以倒背如流，无论你问他们什么问题，都难不倒他们。

但是说到日常生活，这两个不修边幅的男孩就彻底没了脾气－－生活中柴米油盐这些看似简单的事情，却让他们有迷失在太空里一样的感觉，他们所掌握的那些科学原理在这里根本没有用武之地。

直到有一天……隔壁搬来一位美貌性感的女孩Penny (Kaley Cuoco, "8 SimpleRules...")，顿时吸引了两人的目光。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E17 – The Precious FragmentationScene: The stairwell. Leonard is carrying a large box.Leonard: Why do I always have to carry the heavy stuff?Sheldon: Well, it‟s very simple. In our ragtag band of scientists with nothing to lose, I‟m the smart one, Wolowitz is the funny one, and Koothrappali is the lovable foreigner who struggles to understand our ways and fails. That leaves you, by default, as the muscle.Leonard: One more floor, and I‟d be the pulled muscle.Penny (who is inside the apartment): Oh, it‟s about time, I‟m starving.Leonard:Uh, well, we didn‟t actually get Chinese food.Penny: Why not?Leonard:Don‟t panic, this is better.Penny:Oh, no, you didn‟t trade the food for magic beans, did you?Sheldon: Of course not. And, technically, magic beans would be food, although eating them would be quite a waste, since you could plant them and overnight have a giant beanstalk, which would provide enough roughage for a small city.Penny: Yeah, sometimes I don‟t listen, some times I just watch your jaw go up and down.Leonard: We were on our way to the Chinese restaurant when we thought we saw Adam West, so we followed him.Penny: Who‟s Adam West?Sheldon: Who‟s Adam West? Leonard, what do the two of you talk about after the c oitus?Howard:My guess is, “Hey, four minutes! New record!” That‟s why I‟m the funny one.Leonard: Anyway, we followed the guy to this garage sale, and they had the coolest stuff.Howard: They were closing up. We got this whole box for sixty bucks.Leonard:We didn‟t even get to go through it all. There could be anything in here.Penny: There a new girlfriend in there? …Cause you might need one.Leonard: No. But there is an original final draft Ghostbusters script with actual slime stains! (Raj whispers to Leonard) Oh, you‟re right, it‟s Ghostbusters 2. Never mind.Howard: Oh, my God. An Alf doll. When I was 11 my mother got me one to help me sleep after my dad left. I used to pretend that my dad had moved to the planet Melmac, and Alf was going to bring him back to me. But he never did. Where‟s my daddy, puppet? Where is he?Penny: That is so sad.Sheldon:No, what‟s sad is that you don‟t know Adam West was TV‟s Batman.Credits sequenceScene: The sameLeonard:Here‟s Spock‟s head with no body. Here‟s Mr. T‟s body with no head. Oh, yeah, here‟s Spock‟s body with Mr. T‟s head. I pity the fool who‟s illogical.Penny:Okay, I‟m just gonna go home and make a grilled cheese and window-shop on eHarmony.Leonard: Okay, bye.Penny: Okay.Leonard: Ooh, look, an Indiana Jones connect-the-dots.Raj: And an Aquaman action figure.Howard: Looks like someone drew a penis on him.Raj: H uh? That‟ll come off.Howard:You see what you‟re doing? Stop that.Sheldon: Fascinating.Leonard: What?Sheldon: It appears to be a Lord of the Rings ring.Leonard: Oh.Raj: It‟s even got the Elvish engraving on it.Sheldon: I t‟s not Elvish. It‟s the language of Mordor written in Elvish script. One Ring torule them all.Raj: One Ring to find them.Howard: One Ring to bring them all.Leonard: And in the darkness bind them.Raj: Holy crap, are we nerdy.Scene: The Cheesecake FactoryHoward: So, I was doing some checking on the ring.Raj: Hold on. Sheldon, is there ketchup on that table?Sheldon: Yes, there is. Oh, here‟s a fun fact, ketchup s tarted out as a general term for sauce, typically made of, uh, mushrooms or fish brine with herbs and spices. Some popular early main ingredients included blueberry, anchovy, oyster, kidney bean and grape.Raj: No, that‟s okay. I‟ll get it.Howard: Listen, I was looking at the ring, and it seemed a little weird. No copyright notice on it. So, I took it down to this buddy of mine who deals with, shall we say, the seedy underbelly of the collectibles world.Leonard: Seedy underbelly?Howard: You know, your black market phasers, your screen-worn Lieutenant Uhura panties, that kind of stuff. Raj:Who‟s this mysterious buddy you suddenly have?Howard: Just a guy. I know a guy.Raj: Is it Eddie Crispo?Howard: No, I can‟t tell you who it is. Stop asking.Raj: Who else could it be? It has to be Eddie Crispo.Howard: I know lots of dangerous people, okay?Raj: Name one.Howard: Eddie Crispo. Anyway, he said this isn‟t a replica. It‟s the real deal.Sheldon: If you‟re suggesting that that is the actual ring of power f orged by Sauron in Mount Doom, I look at you with an expression of exhaustion and ever so slight amusement.Leonard:He‟s not saying it‟s a magic ring. You‟re not, are you?Howard: No, but it‟s close. Look at the markings inside. Those are production marki ngs. Nine rings were made for use in the Lord of the Rings movies. Three were given to members of the cast. The rest were destroyed. Except one. One was stolen. Gentlemen, this is the one ring.Sheldon (snatching it): Mine!Leonard: No, it is not yours. We all went in on the box together.Sheldon: Well, yes, but I found it in the box, and the laws of maritime salvage clearly state that the finder of asunken treasure is the owner of the treasure.Leonard: How is this maritime salvage?Sheldon: Other than the lack of water, how is it not?Raj: Wait, wait. Sheldon, stop being crazy for a second. How much is something like this worth?Howard: Well, it‟s tough to say since it‟s hot, but on the underground market, my guy figures…Raj: Your guy Eddie Crispo?Howard: Yes. He figures ten, maybe 15 thousand.Raj: Okay, that‟s a lot of money. The wise thing to do is invest it in something practical. Like a jet ski.Howard: Why do you want a jet ski?Raj: All the wealthy and beautiful people in movies ride Jet Skis. Tha t can‟t just be a coincidence.Sheldon: We can‟t sell it. We have to keep it and love it and polish it, and only take it out occasionally when we go to the park and re-enact our favourite scenes from the movies.Howard: It‟s sad how great that sounds.Leonard: Guys, it‟s stolen. It should go back to Peter Jackson. He made the movies, it belongs to him.Howard: Fine. He can have it back as long as he promises to make me a hobbit in his next movie.Raj: There are no Jewish hobbits.Howard: Clearly, you‟ve nev er been to my house for dinner on Rosh Hashanah.Leonard: We are not blackmailing Peter J… All right, where‟s the ring?Sheldon: You mean my ring?Leonard: What are you doing?Sheldon: The ring was unguarded, it was just sitting on the table, anyone could have taken it. Proof? I did. Leonard: Give me that.Raj:Look, let‟s be reasonable. We all want to do different things with the ring, but your ideas are stupid, and I want a jet ski.Sheldon: I found it. The ring is mine. I don‟t understand why in this gro up I never get my way.Leonard: You always get your way.Sheldon: I‟ll stipulate to that if you give me the ring.Penny: Hey, guys. Enjoying your food that I actually brought you instead of promising food, but bringing you a box of random crap?Leonard: Ye ah, it‟s delicious, the sarcasm‟s a little stale, though. Hey, how about this? Until we figure out what to do with the ring, Penny holds on to it.Penny: What ring?Leonard: This ring.Sheldon: Looking for something?Leonard: Will you hold on to this for a couple of days?Penny: Why?Leonard: It‟s a prop from a movie, and we‟re kind of fighting over it.Penny: Okay, just to be clear, the first piece of jewellery my boyfriend gives me is a prop from a movie, and I don‟t even get to keep it?Howard: I f you ha d gone out with me three years ago, by now, you‟d have my great Aunt Ida‟s brooch that she smuggled out of occupied Belgium in a cat.Leonard: How am I looking now?Scene: Penny and Leonard are asleep in Leonard’s bed. Sheldon creeps in and tries to take the ring fromround Penny’s neck, but she turns over. He tries to make buzzing fly noises to get her to turn back, but she turns all the way the other way. He then uses an extender with a claw on the end to lif the ring from Penny’s chest. As he tries to remove it, she wakes up, screams, and punches him in the face.Sheldon:Ow! You hit me! I‟m bleeding!Leonard: What was that?Penny: Sheldon tried to take the ring and I punched him.Leonard: That‟s my girl.Scene: The cafeteria.Howard:So, Sheldon, how‟s it feel to get beaten up by a girl?Sheldon: It‟s not the first time. I have a twin sister whose assaults began in utero. If only I‟d had the presence of mind to reabsorb her, then I‟d have a mole with hair in it instead of a tedious yearly Christmas let ter.Raj: Gentlemen, have you come to the realization that the only reasonable course of action is to sell the ring and divide the money?Leonard: No.Raj: I was afraid of that. (Opens his laptop to reveal an Indian looking man on a webcam.) Go ahead.Man on Screen: Greetings from Mumbai. I am Raj‟s attorney, Venkatesh Koothrappali.Raj: Also my cousin.Howard: You brought a lawyer?Venkatesh: Don‟t answer that. I‟ll get straight to the point. My client‟s prepared to surrender any interest he has in the ring in exchange for two Kawasaki Jet Skis.Leonard: We‟re not giving him two Jet Skis.Venkatesh: Look, we‟re big boys, why don‟t we just cut to the chase and meet in the middle? One Kawasaki Jet Ski, done and done.Leonard: No Jet Skis.Venkatesh: All right, forget the Jet Skis.Raj: Forget the Jet Skis? That was our line in the sand! What happened to “tear them a new one?”Venkatesh: What can I say? They played hardball. We lost.Raj: You‟re useless.Venkatesh: I told you that when you hired me.Raj:I‟m si gning off now.Venkatesh: Call your mother, she worries.Howard: Okay, just so you know, if we‟re bringing in cousins who are lawyers, prepare for shock and awe. Leonard: You know what? I am ending this. Penny didn‟t want to hold the ring anymore. She gave it to me, I have it. I‟m sending it back. Where‟s the ring?Sheldon: You mean this ring? Next time be aware of your surroundings while urinating in a public men‟s room. Leonard: Give me that.Sheldon: No, it‟s mine.Raj: It‟s all of ours. (They begin to struggle over the ring.)Leonard: Okay, now, this is ridiculous!Howard: Then let go!Leonard:I‟m not letting go, you let go.Howard: I say this ring belongs to the last person who can hold on.Leonard: Fine. But can‟t we go home and start this?Raj: Sure. Let go of the ring.Leonard: All right, it starts now.Howard: You do realize there‟s a giant bug movie marathon tonight on the Syfy Channel. (They start to move away from the table while all still holding the ring.)Raj: Wait, my laptop. (They go back for it.)Scene: The stairwell. The guys are coming up the stairs, all still holding the ring.Howard:You know, there‟s a point when this becomes idiotic.Leonard:And it wasn‟t when we were driving like this?Sheldon:I would advise the three of you that resistance is futile. I have endless patience. I once spent two-and-a-half hours on hold with Hewlett-Packard customer service just to complain about their customer service. Leonard: You want to talk about endless patience? Penny made me watch all five seasons of Sex and the City. Raj: There are six seasons, dude.Leonard: Oh, crap!Raj: No, no, no, the sixth season is great. We go to Paris with Carrie and get our heart broken, and then Mr. Big shows up, we don‟t know if we can trust him again. It‟s a wild r ide.Leonard: Door. (Leonard tries to unlock the door and drops the keys.)Raj: Okay, everybody, and plie. And relevae.Penny:Whatcha doin‟?Leonard: Last one holding the ring decides its fate. I know, it sounds silly.Penny: No, no, no, no, no, no, you are my boyfriend. Nothing you do is silly to me.Leonard: Thank you.Penny:FYI, this is a bag from Victoria‟s Secret.Leonard: I‟m out.Scene: The apartment. The three guys are still holding the ring. Howard is on the phone.Howard: I‟m sorry, Ma, I have to stay late at the office.Raj: No, he‟s doesn‟t! He‟s lying to you!Howard: Will you be quiet?Raj:Well, if you want privacy let go of the ring. I‟m so glad we came to this gentile strip club! Howard, here‟s more bacon to tuck into the shiksa‟s G-string!Howard:I‟ll call you back.Raj: I think it‟s lovely you call your mommy and let her know you‟re going to be late for dinner. From what I know about these things, if a woman doesn‟t breast-feed on time, it‟s very uncomfortable for her boobies.Howard: D on‟t you talk about my mother‟s boobies!Raj: I f you‟re offended, let go of the ring and go on home to your mother‟s boobies.Sheldon:Excellent, excellent. Tire each other out, the ring will be mine. Howard, why don‟t you go after Raj‟s mother?Raj: Why d on‟t we go after your mother?Sheldon:Go ahead. I have no illusions about my mother. She is a kind, loving, religiously fanatical right-wing Texan with a slightly out-of-scale head and a mild Dr. Pepper addiction. Anything you‟d like to add?Howard: That‟s not gonna Better pull out the big gun.Raj: You‟re right. Let‟s talk about your grandmother.Sheldon: No! I call no Meemaws.Raj: Think about this. The only way your mother was born was your Meemaw had sex.Sheldon: I don‟t want to hear this.Howard: Then let go of the ring and walk away.Sheldon: Never.Howard:All right. I‟ll bet your Meemaw didn‟t just have sex to have your mother. I bet she had sex because she liked it.Sheldon: Stop it!Raj: Yeah, Meemaw did the nasty.Sheldon: I said stop it!Howard: We‟re getting to him.Sheldon: Waterfalls!Raj: What?Sheldon: Waterfalls. Crashing waves. Babbling brooks.Howard: What are you doing?Sheldon:Subliminal messaging. I‟m going to make you want to pee. Dripping faucets. Leaky gutter. Peeing.Raj: It‟s, it‟s not working, dude.Sheldon: Oh-ho-ho, it‟s working all right. I have to pee.Raj: T hen let go of the ring and go.Howard: No, actually, I wouldn‟t mind going, too.Raj: Fine. Um, on the count of three. One, two…Sheldon: Wait, just to clarify. When you get to three, do we stand up or do we pee?Howard: We stand up.Sheldon: Excellent choice.Raj: Three.Howard: Something tells me this was a bad day to wear suede shoes.Scene: Sometime later. The guys are on the settee. Howard is seen asleep, he is not holding the ring. The camera pans along to where Sheldon and Raj still hold the ring. Raj, also asleep, lets go and cuddles up to Howard.Sheldon: I‟ve done it! I‟ve won! The ring is mine! It‟s mine! (He runs to the bathroom) We‟re going to clean it up an d make it pretty. My own. My love. My precious. (He looks in the mirror and has turned into golem. He screams and wakes up, still on the settee.) Where‟s the ring?Leonard:It‟s in a FedEx box on its way back to where it came from.Raj: T he fires of Mount Doom?Leonard: Peter Jackson‟s office in New Zealand. It wasn‟t ours.Howard: You quit the game! You had no right to take it.Leonard: I came in here, you guys were all sleeping. The ring was on the floor. No one was touching it.Raj: Well, so then we star t the game over until there‟s a winner.Leonard: There wasn‟t ever going to be a winner. There was going to be a selfish, petty person with a ring and three people who used to be his friend. Is that really what you guys want? …Cause if it is, fine, I don‟t want anything to do with you. And I don‟t know what happened in that bathroom, but I am not cleaning it up! (Goes to his bedroom. Takes a box from under his bed. Takes out the ring.) My precious.Scene: Leonard and Penny are asleep in Leonard’s bed. The extender and claw reaches across and pullsdown the sheet revealing the ring on a chain round Leonard’s neck.Sheldon: I knew it. Give us the precious!Leonard: NEVER!(They begin to struggle, both shouting “give it”, “give it to me” and “it’s mine” at var ious intervals. Penny gets out of the bed and heads out the door.)Penny: U gh, gotta go back to dating dumb guys from the gym.。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E03 – The Gothowitz Deviation[Scene: The apartment kitchen. Penny is cooking breakfast while singing and dancing along to “Man I Feel Like A Woman” by Shenia Twain. Sheldon enters.]Penny: Morning, Sheldon. Come dance with me.Sheldon: No.Penny: Why not?Sheldon: Penny, while I subscribe to the many worlds theory which posits the existence of an infinite number of Sheldons in an infinite number of universes, I assure you that in none of them am I dancing.Penny: Are you fun in any of them?Sheldon:The math would suggest that in a few I’m a clown made of candy. But I don’t dance.Penny: All right, want some French toast?Sheldon:It’s Oatmeal Day.Penny: Tell you what, next French Toast Day, I will make you oatmeal.Sheldon: Dear Lord, are you still going to be here on French Toast Day?Leonard: Morning.Sheldon: Look, Leonard, Penny made French toast.Leonard:Sorry. I haven’t given her your schedule yet.Sheldon:It’s an iCal download, she can put it right in her phone. And I thought we agreed that you’d have your conjugal visits in her apartment.Leonard: We did, but there were extenuating circumstances.Sheldon: I see. Did her abysmal housekeeping skills finally trump her perkiness?Leonard: No, her bed kind of… br oke.Sheldon: That doesn’t seem likely. Her bed’s of sturdy construction. Even the additionof a second normal size human being wouldn’t cause a structural failure, much less a homunculus such as yourself.Penny: A homunculus?Leonard: Perfectly formed miniature human being.Penny:Oh, you’re my little homunculus.Leonard: Don’t do that.Penny: Sorry. Okay, who wants syrup and who wants cinnamon sugar?Sheldon: I want oatmeal.Penny: Yes, well, I want a boyfriend whose roommate isn’t a giant pain in the ass.Sheldon: I’m sure that will happen soon enough. But in the meantime, I still want oatmeal.Penny: You know what, I give up. He’s impossible.Sheldon: I can’t be impossible. I exist. I believe what you meant to say is, “I give up, he’s improbable.”Leonard: Sheldon, you really need to find a better way of dealing with Penny.Sheldon: What am I supposed to do, eat French toast on a Monday? Now, that would be impossible. Leonard: I’m just saying, you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.Sheldon: You can catch even more flies with manure. What’s your point?Leonard: It’s a… (gives up)Sheldon: Boy, that does smell good. Too bad it’s Monday.Credits sequence.[Scene: The apartment].Penny: Okay, so Kim the night manager went on maternity leave, and her husband’s name is Sandy, right? So get this, her replacement is a woman named Sandy whose husband’s name is Kim.Penny: I know. What are the odds?Sheldon: Easily calculable, we begin by identifying the set of married couples with unisex names. We then eliminate those unqualified for restaurant work, the aged, the imprisoned and the limbless, for example. Next we look at…Leonard:Sheldon! it’s an amazing coincidence, can we leave it at that?Sheldon: I’m sorry. Ooh, Penny, it’s as if the Cheesecake Factory is run by witches.Penny: Ooh, Sheldon, it’s as if you don’t think I’ll punch you.Leonard: Come on, you guys, let it go.Penny: Fine, whatever. Are you finished?Sheldon: Well, thank you. How thoughtful. Would you like a chocolatePenny: Um, yeah, sure, thanks.Leonard: What was that?Sheldon: You said be nice to Penny. I believe offering chocolate to someone falls within the definition of nice. Leonard: It does. But in my experience, you don’t.Sheldon: There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy. Leonard: Yeah, yeah, now that’s you, obnoxious and insufferable.Howard (arriving, in goth gear): What’s going on, day dwellers?Penny:Oh, man, did the Kiss Army repeal don’t ask, don’t tell?Howard: No. Raj and I are going a goth club in Hollywood to hang with the night people. Anybody want to come along?Penny: Oh, wow, you’re actually going out like that?Howard: No, no. I’m going out like this. (Whips off jacket to reveal tattoos up both arms)Leonard: Howard, what did you do?Howard: They’re called tattoo sleeves. Look. I bought them online, Raj got a set, too. Fantastic, right? Put them on, have hot sex with some freaky girl with her business pierced, take them off, and I can still be buried in a Jewish cemetery.Sheldon: You know, I’ve always wanted to go to a goth nighclub.Howard: Really?Sheldon: Bazinga! None of you ever see my practical jokes coming, do you?Howard: Okay, how about you two? Look, I’ve got some extra tat sleeves.Leonard: Why are you carrying extras?Howard: Well, In case I snag one on someone’s nipple ring.Penny: Uh, yeah, I think we’ll pass.Howard: Oh, is the missus speaking for the couple now?Leonard: In this case, you bet she is.Howard (after Raj whispers): Yes, she’s pushy and yes, he’s whipped, but that’s not the expression. Come on, I want to stop at Walgreens and pick up some more eyeliner.Leonard:They’re gonna get beaten up at that club.Penny: They’re gonna get beaten up at Walgreens. Oh, sorry, Sheldon, I almost sat in your spot. Sheldon: Did you? I didn’t notice. Have a chocolate.Penny: Thank you.[Scene: The goth club.]Raj:I think we’re fitting in quite nicely.Howard: It’d help if you weren’t drinking light beer.Raj: Oh, what’s so gothic about vod ka and cranberry juice?Howard: Hello, it looks like blood. Did you even read the Wiki How link I sent you on being goth?Raj:No, I’m behind on my wiki-reading I’m kind of on a John Grisham kick right now.Raj: Well, I finished reading The Pelican Brief and loved it so much, I dived right into The Client. He was a lawyer himself so his novels are accurate as well as entertaining.Howard: Just remember we are lost boys, children of the night.Raj: Great. Lost boys, children of the night. Got it. Can you pass the Chex mix, please. Thank you. We are lost boys.Girl: Good for you.Howard: I’m actually much morelost than he is.Girl: Nice ink.Howard: Thanks. Can we buy you ladies a drink?Girl: Two light beers.Raj: Light beers? Well, Wiki-how about that?Second girl:What’s your names?Howard:I’m Howard.Raj: Raj.Girl:I’m Bethany.Howard: Nice to meet you, Bethany.Raj: Yes, very nice.Bethany: Nice to meet you too.Second girl: I’m Sarah. Not that anyone cares.Raj: Do either of you ladies enjoy the novels of John Grisham?[Scene: The apartment. ]Penny: What’s this cartoon called again?Leonard: Oshikuru: Demon Samurai.Sheldon: And it’s not a cartoon, it’s anime.Penny: Anime. You know, I knew a girl in high school named Anna May. Anna May Fletcher. She was born with one nostril. Then she had this bad nose job and basically wound up with three.Sheldon: You’re here a lot now.Penny: Oh, am I talking too much? I’m sorry. Zip.Sheldon: Thank you. Chocolate?Penny: Yes please. (Her phone rings) Oh. Hey, Kim. Yeah, I… (sees Sheldon looking disapprovingly) You know what, hold on, let me take this in the hall. (Sheldon silently offers her another chocolate. She takes it.) You’ll never guess who they got to replace you at work…Leonard: Okay, I know what you’re doing.Sheldon: Really?Leonard: Yes, you’re using chocolates as positive reinforcement for what you consider correct behaviour. Sheldon: Very good. Chocolate?Leonard: No, I don’t want any chocolate! Sheldon, you can’t train my girlfriend like a lab rat.Sheldon: Actually, it turns out I can.Leonard: Well, you shouldn’t.Sheldon: There’s just no pleasing you, is there, Leonard? You weren’t happy with my previous approach to dealing with her, so I decided to employ operant conditioning techniques, building on the work of Thorndike and B.F. Skinner. By this time next week, I believe I can have her jumping out of a pool, balancing a beach ball on her nose.Leonard: No, this has to stop now.Sheldon: I’m not suggesting we really make her jump out of a pool. I thought the “bazinga” was implied. I’m just tweaking her personality, sanding off the rough edges if you will.Leonard: No, you’re not sanding Penny.make our lives better?Leonard:Yes, you’re forbidden.Sheldon (Squirting him with a water spray): Bad Leonard.[Scene: The goth club.]Bethany: So what do you guys do?Howard: Oh, you know, goth stuff. Goth magazines, goth music.Raj: Goth food.Sarah: What’s goth food?Raj: Uh… blackened salmon?Bethany: No, I meant what do you do for jobs?Raj: Oh, we’re scientists.Howard: Yeah, you know, the dark sciences.Bethany: What are the dark sciencesRaj: Well, I am an astrophysicist and a lot of that takes place at night. When there are vampires and miscellaneous undead out and about.Howard: Oy vay.Raj: That sounds really cool.Howard: Does it? Okay, if you like space stuff, I design components for the international space station. Whi ch is in space. Where, as I’m sure you know, no one can hear you scream.Raj: So what do you gals do?Bethany: I work at the Gap.Howard: Really? How about that? I’ve been to the Gap.Raj: Yeah, I’ve been there as well. I like your tee-shirts with the little pocket.Sarah: I work there too. Not that anyone cares. You know, this place is boring.Bethany: Yeah. Why don’t we go somewhere else and have some fun?Howard: Okay.Raj: Sure, we like fun.Howard: We are fun people.Raj: Dark and fun.Bethany: Com e on, I know a place you’ll really dig.Howard: Did you bring the black condoms?Raj: In my fanny pack.Howard: Let’s go.[Scene: A tattoo parlour. Bethany is getting a tattoo.]Raj: Are you happy now?Howard: Not particularly.[Scene: The apartment.]Penny(voice outside door): Oh’ my God, she didn’t!Leonard: What could she possibly be talking about for so long?Sheldon:Obviously, waitressing at the Cheesecake Factory is a complex socioeconomic activity, that requires a great deal of analysis and planning. Bazinga! You know, using positive reinforcement techniques, I could train that behaviour out of her in a week.Leonard: No.Sheldon: If you let me use negative reinforcement, I can get it done before we go to bed.Leonard: You’re not squirting her in the face with water.Leonard: Forget it.Sheldon: Oh, come on, you can’t tell me that you’re not intrigued about the possibility of building a better girlfriend.Leonard: I’m not. And Penny’s qualities, both good and bad, are what make her who she is.Sheldon: You mean, like that high-pitched, irritating laugh?Leonard: Yes.Sheldon:You wouldn’t prefer a throaty chuckle?Leonard: You’re not changing how Penny laughs.Sheldon: No, that would be incongruous, I was going to lower the whole voice to a more pleasing register. Penny(entering): Uh, sorry guys, that girl is (high pitched) freaky!Sheldon: Come again?Penny (normal voice): Freaky.Sheldon(lower voice): Freaky?Penny(lower voice): Yeah, freaky.Sheldon: Have a chocolate.Penny: Thank you.[Scene: The tattoo parlour. Howard is laying down, preparing to have a tattoo on his lower back]. Raj: Are you seriously going to deface your body just for the possibility you could have cheap sex with a strange girl you met in a bar?Howard: Uh, yeah!Raj: What is your mother going to say?Howard: She’s not going to see it. She takes my temperature orally now.Bethany: What are you going to get, Howard?Howard: Well, I can’t really decide between a screaming devil, this mean little skull or Kermit the Frog. Bethany: Kermit the Frog?Howard: You know (Kermit voice) Hi ho, I’m on Howard’s butt!Bethany: Get the mean little skull, and I’ll see if I can make him smile.Howard: Yeah, I’d like the mean little skull, please.Sarah: What are you going to get, Raj?Raj: With my luck, hepatitisTattooist: Okay, here we go.Howard: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!Tattooist:That’s just rubbing alcohol.Howard: I know, but it was cold. Ow, ow, ow!Tattooist: I’m putting on the stencil.Howard: What comes after the stencil?Tattooist: This.Howard: Aaaaaargh! Okay, that’s it, no needle, no pain, no tattoo.Bethany:What’s the big deal, you’ve done this before.Howard: No, I haven’t, look. (Rips off tattoo sleeves)I’m sorry, I’m a fraud, he’s a fraud.Raj: We’re both frauds.Howard: Yeah, I think I covered that.Raj: But I was summing up.Howard: We’re not goth, we’re just guys.Raj: Very, very smart guys.Bethany: So you were totally scamming us?Howard: Yes. And I wouldn’t blame you if you walked out of here and never wanted to see us again. UnlessBethany: I’m leaving.Sarah:I’m leaving too. Not that anyone cares.Raj: When we tell this story, let’s end it differently.Howard: What are you thinking? Maybe a big musical number?[Scene: The apartment.]Sheldon: Well, I’m going to make some warm milk and then turn in. I trust if you two are planning in engaging in amorous activites, you’ll keep the decibel level to a minimum.Penny: Of course.Sheldon: Thank you. (Throws a chocolate. Penny catches it in her mouth)Penny: Mmm, these are so goodLeonard: Unbelievable.Penny: What?Leonard: I was just thinking, we should probably turn in too.Penny: well, my new bed got delivered, if you come over and put it together, you can stay at my place. Leonard:Really, that’s a lot of work, and it’s kind of late.Penny: Yeah, but if we stay there, we won’t have to be quiet.Leonard: Let’s go.Sheldon: Interesting. Sex works even better than chocolate to modify behaviour. I wonder if anyone else has stumbled on to that.[Scene: Raj’s car.]Howard: Okay, wait, how about this? We say there were four goth girls, the two girls in the club had two friends.Raj: I like it, I like it. Did they smell good despite their gothlike nature?Howard: What’s that got to do with the story?Raj: Engaging my olfactory sense helps make it real for me.Howard: Fine, they smelled good.Raj: Oh, they did. Like jasmine and honeysuckle.Howard: Whatever.Raj: And then they held hands and did a sexy, demonic hokey-pokey for us.Howard: No, no. Look, let me say my story all the way through, and then you can say yours, and then we’ll pick.Raj: I’m sorry. Go on.Howard: Okay. We got tattoos, and then the four girls took us to their place.Raj: But we don’t have tattoos. What if someone asks to see our tattoos?Howard: We say they’re in a very intimate area.Raj:Oh, we are bad boys, aren’t we?Howard: Right, right, so we go back to their place, and then the six of us end up in a hot tub.Raj:But we just got tattoos. Wouldn’t we be concerned about bacterial infection?Howard: True. Okay, forget the hot tub. The point is, we each have a ménage with sexy goth girls.Raj: Wow. What a great night.Howard: Yeah. Hey, want to try a country bar tomorrow night.Raj: Yeah, maybe we’ll get lucky with some sexy cowgirls.Howard: Could happen.Raj: I wonder how they smell.。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E06 – The Cornhusker VortexScene: The stairwell. The guys are carrying kites.Leonard: Kites, ho!Howard: Kites ho!Raj: Kites ho!All three: Kites, ho!Sheldon: Excuse me. You’re misusing the word ho. It’s an interjection used to call attention to a destination, not an object, as in, uh, Land, ho! Or, uh, Westward, ho!The three guys: Kites, ho!Penny: Hey, guys. What you doing? Going out to discover electricity?Sheldon:If you’re referring to the work of Benjamin Franklin, he did not discover electricity, he merely used a kite to determine that lightning consists of electricity. He also invented the Franklin stove, bifocals and the flexible urinary catheter. Kites, ho.Leonard: We’re heading out for some kite fighting. Penny: Kite fighting?Leonard:Oh, yeah. It’s an extremely competitive, cutthroat sport.Sheldon: Well, actually, the risk of throat cutting is very low. On the other hand, severe string burn is a real and ever-Present danger.Leonard: You want to come watch?Penny: Oh, gee, sounds amazing, but, um, I’ve got some friends coming over. Not a big thing, we’re just gonna watch the Nebraska game.Leonard: Oh. Football, sure.Howard: Good guess.Penny:I would’ve invited you, but I know you’re not a football fan.Leonard: No, no, I’m not, so, great. You’ve got plans doing something you like, I’ve got plans doing something I like, so it’s good.Penny:Well, maybe we’ll hang out later, you know, after everybody’s gone.Leonard: Yeah, great.Penny: See ya.Leonard: Well, this sucks.Sheldon:I’m sorry, I got bored and drifted off. Where exactly in the interaction did the sucking lie? Raj:Leonard just realized that Penny’s been hiding him from her friends because he’s a tiny, little man who flies kites.Sheldon: Oh, that certainly would suck.Credits sequence.Scene: The park.Sheldon: Wolowitz is trying to outflank us. Let out some string, add altitude and I’ll go under and cut his line.Leonard: Why wouldn’t Penny want her friends to meet me?Sheldon: Focus, Leonard, focus! The heat of battle is upon us, the dogs of war are unleashed. Leonard: Maybe Koothrappali’s right, maybe I embarrass her.Sheldon: You’re embarrassing me right now, a grown man worrying about such nonsense when in the middle of flying kites.Leonard: Sorry.Sheldon: Sorry won’t bring their kites down. Ow! String burn! String burn!Raj: Oh, they think we’re flanking, they’re playing right into our hands. On the count of three, we execute the flying scissor. One, two…Howard: Whoa! Did you see that?Raj: See what?Howard: That chick, she smiled at me.Raj: No, she didn’t.Howard: Yes, she did.Raj: Come on, scissors, scissors!Howard: Hold my line.Raj:Wait, what are you doing? I can’t scissors by myself! Howard! Come back!Sheldon: Victory!Raj: Son of a bitch.Scene: Leonard’s car.Raj: You’re a sucky friend, you know that? A sucky, sucky friend.Howard: What was I supposed to do? She gave me that come-hither look.Raj: If she gave you any look at l. It was a you suck look.Howard: I would’ve caught up to her if I hadn’t pulled a hammy.Raj:Oh, please, you weigh 80 pounds. You don’t have a hammy.Leonard: So, Penny doesn’t want me around her friends, I embarrass her. What else could it be? Sheldon: Well, her actions could be out of concern for your f eelings. Perhaps she’s excluded you from these gatherings because she’s scouting for a new mate and doesn’t want to do it in front of you. Leonard: Oh, how kind of her.Sheldon:Agreed. Most primates don’t show that sort of discretion. A female bonobo will copulate with a new male in front of the old one without so much as a how do you do?Raj: You always do this, you know? You ditch me for a woman you don’t have a shot with. Howard: I totally had a shot.Raj: With a woman you were chasing through a park? T hat’s not a shot, that’s a felony. What’s worse, it cost me my prized Patang fighting kite. Sheldon, I don’t suppose there’s any chance you could give me my kite back?Sheldon:I’m sorry, Raj, but the rules of aerial warfare dictate at the fallen kite go to the victor. And without rules, the competition has no meaning. And without meaning, the following would be an empty gesture. (Sings) I have your kite. I have your kite.Scene: Penny’s apartment.Leonard: Hey.Penny: Hi.Leonard: How was your football party?Penny: I t was pretty good. We won.Leonard:Oh, that’s excellent. It’s a weird figure of speech, isn’t it, we won when you weren’tactually playing. When we watch Star Wars, we don’t say, we defeated the Empire.Penny:I’m glad to hear it.Leonard: Oh, hey, on a related subject, are you embarrassed to have me around your friends? Penny: Oh, my god, no. Why would you ask that? Leonard:Well, you know, I just noticed I haven’t really met any of them.Penny: Sure you have.Leonard:Well, yeah, no, I met the huge ex-boyfriend and the smaller yet still larger than me ex-boyfriend. Were they here today?Penny: Of course not.Leonard: Of course not. Why would they be? Why would I ask? Why am I rambling? Why don’t you stop me?Penny:Leonard, look, if you want to meet my friends, that would be great. I just, you know, I didn’t want you to be bored.Leonard: I wouldn’t be bored. Why would I be bored?Penny: Well, ’cause they’re not genius scientists. Leonard: Penny, I like all sorts of people. In fact, some of my best friends aren’t geniuses.Penny: Like who?Leonard: Okay, some of my Facebook friends aren’t geniuses. My point is, if we’re going to be a couple, I should be friends with your friends. Penny: Okay, great. Well, then why don’t you come over next Saturday and watch the game with us. Leonard: Another football game?Penny: They have them every week.Leonard: Did not know that.Penny: You wanted to meet my friends. Leonard: Sure, sure, just I don’t know much about football.Penny: Oh, that’s okay, a lot of the guys’ girlfriends don’t know football. They just kind of drink and talk in the kitchen.Leonard: Great.Scene: The apartment. Leonard and Raj are watching a football game on the television. Leonard: Okay, a complete pass. First down, New England. I think I’m starting to get this.Raj: Really? The only thing I’ve learned in the last two hours is that American men love drinking beer, pee too often and have trouble getting erections. Leonard: Focus on the game, not the commercials, Raj.Raj: I’m just sa ying, maybe if you people cut back on the beer, you could get out of the bathroom and satisfy your women without pharmaceutical help. Howard (arriving): Raj, what are you doing here? You were supposed to help me pimp out my Vespa. Raj:I’m sorry, are you u nder the impression that we’re still friends?Howard: Oh come on, you’re not still grinding on the kite thing, are you?Raj:It’s not just the kite thing. Every time we go some place, you think you can just dump me whenever someone prettier comes along, even though you don’t have a shot with them.Howard: But I had a shot with that jogger.Raj: Fine. Paint green flames on your little scooter with her. (Leaves)Howard: It’s not a little scooter. It’s the second biggest Vespa they make! Are you watching football?Leonard:There’s no fooling you. Now, what is this sacks statistic they put up there?Howard: All I know about Saks is, my mother shops there.Leonard: Sacks, sacks…Sheldon:It’s football nomenclature for when a quarterback is tackled behind the line of scrimmage.Leonard:Huh… Scrimmage…Sheldon:The line of scrimmage is the imaginary transverse line separating the offence from the defence.Leonard: Oh.Howard: Sheldon knows football?Leonard: Apparently.Howard: I mean, Quidditch, sure. But football? Leonard: Sheldon, how do you know this stuff? Sheldon: I grew up in Texas. Football is ubiquitous in Texas. Pro football, college football, high school football, peewee football, in fact, every form of football except the original, European football, which most Texans believe to be a Commie plot. Leonard: Unbelievable.Sheldon:If you’re interested, I also know all about frying meat that isn’t chicken as if it were chicken. Leonard: So you could teach me?Sheldon: Football or chicken-fried meats? Leonard: Football. I’m going to Penny’s on Saturday to watch a game with her friends and I don’t want to look like an idiot. I want to blend in. Sheldon: I f you want to blend in with Penny’s friends, I’d think looking like an idiot would be the perfect camouflage.Leonard: Come on, Sheldon, please teach me about football. It’ll be fun.Sheldon: That’s exactly what my father said. Come to the games, watch the games, week in and week out from the time I was five until I went off to college. Longest seven years of my life. Leonard: Please, I’m asking you as a friend. Sheldon: Are you making this a tier one friendship request? Leonard: Yes.Sheldon: Fine.Leonard: I really appreciate this.Sheldon: Yeah, yeah. All right, Poindexter, sit down, shut up and listen.Leonard:I’m sorry?Sheldon: That’s how my father always began our football conversations. And if you’d like, after the game, I’ll take you outside and teach you how to shoot close enough to a racoon that it craps itself.Scene: The kitchen. Sheldon is making toast in a cylon toaster which burns an image of a cylon onto the toast.Leonard: When are you going to stop making Cylon toast?Sheldon: When I have enough to destroy all the human toast on the battlestar known as Galactica. Is that what you’re wearing to watch football at Penny’s?Leonard: What’s wrong with a football jersey? Sheldon: Nothing. That, however, appears to be a football cocktail dress.Leonard:I’s the smallest size they had, except the one for dogs. I can’t believe they had one for dogs. Sheldon: Oh, yes. Canine football fans are a common sight in Texas. Cats, however, refuse to wear sporting apparel. My sister found that out the hard way.Leonard: Anyway, wish me luck.Sheldon: Leonard, wait. Am I correct in assuming that your attempt to be a ccepted by Penny’s peers is based on your desire to ensure your continuing mating privileges with her?Leonard:Well, I wouldn’t put it exactly that way. Sheldon: How would you put it?Leonard: Y eah, okay, like you said.Sheldon: Huh. Seems like an awful lot of trouble to go through for intercourse. Don’t you have access to women who will do it for money? By the way, another accepted usage for the term ho. Leonard: Good-Bye, Sheldon.Sheldon: Hold on I believe that social convention dictate you not arrive empty-Handed. Would you like to bring some Cylon toast?Leonard:Yeah, no, I’m trying to fit in, not get laughed at.Sheldon:What’s funny about Cylon toast?Scene: Raj’s apartment. Raj is watching a Bollywood movie. There is a knock on the door. Raj: It’s open.Howard: Hey, pal.Raj: What do you want?Howard: I brought you a little gift. New kite.Raj: The kite you made me lose was an authentic Patang, an Indian fighting kite that my brother sent to me from New Delhi. It took me a day to put together and two days to paint. This is Hello Kitty. Howard: Yeah, but it comes with a little coin purse. Does a Patang?Raj: Wow, you just don’t get it, do you? Buying me something pretty isn’t going to make our problem just go away.Howard: Look, I admit I haven’t alw ays been the best friend I could be.Raj: You’ve been a sucky friend, a sucky, sucky friend.Howard: Stipulated.Raj: And you do it all the time. Last week in the mall at Radio Shack, we were looking for a phone with giant numbers for your mother, and I suddenly realize you’re not even there.Howard: I know, I know.Raj: And where were you?Howard: Getting shot down by the girl at Hot Dog on a Stick. But in my defence, she was gorgeous, and working that squeezer to make the lemonade, going up and down and up and down. It was like a free pole dance right in the middle of the food court. Raj:You’re impossible.Howard: Hey, at least I can talk to women without being drunk.Raj: Excuse me, I have selective mutism, a recognized medical disorder. You’re just a do uche. Howard: No. You know what? Maybe that’s what this whole thing’s about. You’re not mad at me, you’re mad at yourself.Raj:No, I’m mad at you. I hate myself, but I’m mad at you.Howard: Fine. You’re mad at me. I get it. Now, how about we go spend the day together? Just the two of us. We’ll go anywhere you want.Raj: I don’t know.Howard: Come on. Let me take you someplace nice. Raj:I… I do enjoy the La Brea Tar Pits.Howard: Really, now? With the traffic and the parking, it’s… okay, fine. The Tar Pits. Let’s go. Raj: Oh, why can’t I stay mad at you?Scene: Penny’s apartment. Everyone is watching football.Leonard: Go! Go! Go! Go-Go-Go-Go! Yes! Are you people watching this? Is this amazing or what? Penny:Sweetie, that’s a highlight from the ’98 championship game.Leonard: Oh. Did not know that.Penny: How much beer have you had? Leonard: None, why?Penny: Oh. I was just kind of hoping you were drunk. Now we’re back live.Leonard: Okay, yeah. I can see the difference. Guy in baseball hat:Oh, where’s the flag, that’s intentional grounding.Second guy: Totally.Leonard: That completely was a forward pass, which they threw intentionally incomplete to avoid loss of yardage or to conserve time. I can’t believe they’re not being penalized with the loss of a d own and by having to move the line of scrimmage back to the spot of the foul.Penny: Here, have some pizza, sweetie. Leonard: Penny, you know I’m lactose intolerant. Penny: I know. I just need you stop talking. Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny.(Knock, knock, knock) Penny.Penny: Sheldon, come in.Sheldon: Thank you. I’d like to make a sandwich, but I’m out of bread.Penny: There’s some in the fridge.Sheldon:You shouldn’t keep your bread in the refrigerator. Staleness is caused by crystallization of the starch molecules, which occurs faster at cool temperatures.Penny: On Earth, we say thank you.Sheldon: So Leonard, how goes the mimesis? Leonard: Mimesis?Sheldon: You know. Mimesis. An action in which the mimic takes on the properties of a specific object or organism. Mimesis.Leonard: What the hell are you talking about? Sheldon: I’m attempting to communicate with youwithout my meaning becoming apparent to those around you. Let me try again. Have the indigenous fauna accepted you as one of their own? Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.Leonard: Oh, I guess so.Sheldon: Good. Oh, FYI. After I eat my sandwich, I’m taking Koothrappali’s Patang kite out for a test run. Would you like to get your delta-wing raptor and join me?Leonard: I don’t want to fly kites, Sheldon. We’re watching football here.Sheldon: I can see that. I was providing you with an alternative. A courtesy I was never offered in similar circumstances.Leonard:Oh, look at that. The Oklahoma coach has thrown down a red flag indicating he’s challenging the ruling on the field. I hope he’s right, ’cause if he’s not, it’ll cost him one of his three time-Outs.Penny: You know, Leonard, honey, I wouldn’t mind if you wanted to go fly kites with Sheldon. Leonard: No, I’ll watch the end of the game. Besides, there’s only three minutes left.Penny: Until half time.Leonard: This is just half? We’ve been here for hours.Penny: And you’re gonna be here for a couple more.Leonard:Oh, you’re kidding me.Penny: No.Leonard: Nice meeting all of you.Penny: So, yeah, anyway, that’s my boyfriend. He is really smart.Scene: The Le Brea Tar Pits.Raj: I really like my saber-toothed cat. Thank you. Howard: My pleasure. Maybe after lunch, we can go to Marie Callender’s and have some pie.Raj: I’d like that. This is turning out to be a perfect Saturday.Howard: Good. I’m glad. Oh, man. Did you see the way she smiled at me?Raj: Fine. Go ahead.Howard: No. This is our day.Raj: If you want to chase after her, chase after her. Howard: Ah, who am I kidding? I wouldn’t have a shot with a girl like that.Raj:Don’t put yourself down. You’re a very attractive man.Howard: You think so?Raj: Yeah. Absolutely. It wouldn’t kill you to take a Pilates class with me now and then, but you have a certain wiry appeal.Howard:Yeah, well, it doesn’t matter ‘cause she wasn’t really smiling at me.Raj: Actually, in this case, I think she was. Howard: Really?Raj: Yeah.Howard: Bye.Raj: What a douche.。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E16 – The Excelsior AcquisitionScene: The comic book store. Raj enters carrying an iPod with a speaker on his tee shirt. As he enters the shop he starts the iPod and the Darth Vader theme from Star Wars emerges from the speaker. Leonard: Will you please turn your shirt off?Raj: What? I’m giving myself dramatic entrance music. People will know I’m awesome and to be feared. Howard: Yeah, right, there’s nothing more awesome and frightening than a man who’s got music blasting from between his nipples.Leonard:Hey, Stuart, what’s going on?Stuart: Well, you might want to mark your Google calendars. Stan Lee is coming to do a signing on Thursday. Sheldon: Did he finally write a sequel to his autobiography? I’m sure ages 79 throu gh 87 were just action-packed.Stuart: No, just a regular comic signing. My uncle is his dermatologist and Stan’s doing him a favour. Sheldon: Oh, I don’t want to know that! How can I possibly discuss with Stan Lee the scientific foundations for interstellar flight on a silver surfboard when part of my brain will be scanning his face for signs of contagious skin disease?Leonard: Stan Lee does not have a contagious skin disease.Sheldon: Well, look who thinks he’s Stuart’s uncle now.Raj:Can’t believe it. We’re going to meet Stan Lee! (Presses play on his iPod. His shirt starts to play “I’m So Excited” by the Pointer Sisters. He dances.)Howard:I’m sad to say I taught him those moves.Credits sequence.Scene: The apartment.Leonard: I can’t decide whether I want Stan Lee to autograph my Journey into Mystery 83, first appearance of Thor or my Fantastic Four number five, first appearance of Dr. Doom. (Raj presses his iPod. The theme from Jeopardy plays.) Alex, I’m going to go with what is… you’re a dumbass? (Presses again, his shirt blows a raspberry.)Sheldon: I’ve decided I’m going to have Mr. Lee sign my copy of this month’s Batman.Howard:That’s crazy. Stan Lee had nothing to do with Batman.Sheldon: Yes, which is why no one else will ask him to sign one, and I will be the possessor of a unique, albeit confusing, artifact, which will set me apart from the hoi polloi of comic book fandom.Raj: That’s a great idea, I’m going to get him to sign a Batman as well.Sheldon: What is it about the word unique you don’t understand?Howard: Ow! Damn, paper cut. Nothing worse than a paper cut.Raj:Well, obviously you don’t remember your circumcision.Sheldon: There’s Neosporin and Band-Aids in my top desk drawer.Howard:Why don’t you keep that stuff in the bathroom?Leonard: He does. And in the kitchen. And in the car. And in his pocket.Sheldon: Yeah, but the ones in my pocket are mine.Penny: Hi!Leonard: Hey. Guess who’s going to be at the comic bookstore on Thursday?Penny: Um, can you give me a hint?Leonard: Stan Lee.Penny: Um, Stanley, Stanley, Stanley Tucci?Leonard: No, no, Stan Lee.Penny: Oh, oh, Stan Lee! Cool!Leonard: You have no idea who he is, do you?Penny:Of course I do. You’re an important part of my life and I pay attention to the things you are interested in. Leonard:Good, good, so, who’s Stan Lee?Penny: Um, he was on Star Trek.Leonard: Nope.Penny: Star Wars?Leonard: No.Penny: Um, uh, Stan Lee, oh, he was in those goofy kung fu movies you love so much?Leonard: That’s Bruce Lee.Penny: Oh. So, is this Bruce Lee’s nerdy brother, Stan?Howard: Sheldon, why do you have all these unopened paychecks in your desk?Sheldon: Because most of the things I’m planning to buy haven’t been invented yet.Howard: But there must be thousands of dollars here. Why don’t you put it in the bank?Sheldon: I don’t trust banks. I believe that when the robots rise up, ATMs will lead the charge.Howard:You’ve also got something from the Pasadena Municipal Court.Sheldon: Undoubtedly yet another snide response to my repeated letters complaining that the flags in front of the courthouse are flying in the wrong order. From left to right, it’s supposed to be federal, state, and then city of Pasadena.Penny: I’m sorry. You sent more than one letter about that?Sheldon: It bothers me.Howard: Sheldon, this is a summons.Sheldon: A summons for what?Howard: Looks like you ran a red light on Marengo Avenue at 9:30 p.m. on November 16. They got you on a traffic camera. Nice picture.Sheldon:November 16? Penny, that’s the eveni ng you fell in your bathtub and I had to drive you to the emergency room.Penny: No, it isn’t.Sheldon: Yes, it is.Penny:No, it isn’t.Sheldon:Penny, I have an eidetic memory. Also, that’s a picture of you in the passenger seat holding your dislocated shoulder.Penny:Mmm, no, it isn’t.Sheldon: Okay, then why is a summons for a traffic violation committed in your car, bearing your license plates, coming to me?Penny:Okay, look, they sent me the ticket. I told them I wasn’t driving and they were all, if it wasn’t you, who was it?Sheldon: So you betrayed me?Penny:No! It wasn’t a betrayal. It was more of a can’t afford any more points on my license. I already have to buy my insurance from this place in the Cayman Islands.Sheldon: But the only reason I was driving your car was because you were in distress and I was rescuing you. Penny: Y es, yes, look, and now you have a photo to remember that heroic day.Leonard:It’s not that big a deal. You just go down to the court on Thursday and you pay the fine.Sheldon:I’m not going to pay a fine. That would imply I’m guilty.Howard: You are guilty. (Raj’s shirt plays the gavel sound from Law & Order) That one I liked.Sheldon: I am not guilty. I only have a learner’s permit, Penny was the teacher. When the light turned yellow she said go, go, go, so I went, went, went.Penny: Sheldon, I’m sorry. I’ll be happy to reimburse you for the fine. You know, as soon as I get a part in a movie or my own TV series.Sheldon:You don’t need to reimburse me because I’m not payi ng. On Thursday, I will have my day in courtand justice will be done. In fact, I’m going to begin preparing my defence right now.Howard: Okay, he’s going to jail.Leonard (after Raj whispers to him): Oh, that’s right. Thursday is Stan Lee Day.Sheldon: N ow you see what you’ve done? Because of you, we’re all going to miss Stan Lee.Leonard: Whoa! What do you mean all?Sheldon:Well, you’re my friends. You’ll be standing by my side, supporting me, feeding me legal precedents, and if you had the upper body s trength, carrying me out on your shoulders when I’m victorious.Leonard: Yeah, okay. No.Sheldon: Are you saying that you will not stand beside me as I plead my case?Leonard:That’s what I’m saying.Sheldon: Howard?Howard: Wow. Uh, Stan Lee, or you in co urt? Uh, if this was Sophie’s Choice it would’ve been a much shorter movie. No.Sheldon:Raj? You’ll be there, won’t you? (Shirt plays “incorrect” quiz sound) All right, then, my so-called friends have forsaken me. So, I guess it’ll just be me and my eyewi tness.Penny: Oh, balls.Sheldon: Please try to wear something appropriate. It won’t help my case if the judge is busy trying to read the word Juicy scrawled across your buttocks.Scene: Penny’s door.Sheldon:(Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny.Penny (opening door): (Knock, knock, knock) Penny.Sheldon: That’s just wrong.Penny:All right, let’s go.Sheldon: Wait, hold on. Before we get to the courthouse, I’d like to call on your skills as an actress.Penny: What is this?Sheldon: I’ve taken the liberty of scripting your appearance on the witness stand because, let’s face it, you’re somewhat of a loose cannon. Now, don’t worry, it’s written in your vernacular. So shall we rehearse?Penny: Do I have a choice?Sheldon: Well, of course you have a choice. Although we live in a deterministic universe, each individual has free will. Now, sit down. I call your attention to the events of November 16. Do you remember that date? Penny (reading): Darn tootin’, I do, if the court will excuse my h omespun, corn-fed Nebraskan turn of phrase. Sheldon: Excellent. Go on.Penny: The reason that date is, like, so totally fixed in my memory is that I had the privilege to be witness to one of the most heroic acts I’ve ever seen in, like, ever.Sheldon: And who performed that heroic act?Penny: Why, you did, sir. You. Dr. Sheldon Cooper, and may I add, it is a privilege to know you.Sheldon: There’s no need for compliments, this court is only interested in the facts.Penny: But it is a fact that it’s a privil ege to know you. Totally. A teardrop rolls down my cheek?Sheldon: Only a suggestion. A catch in your throat would work just as well.Penny (pretending to be close to tears): But it is a fact that it’s a privilege to know you. Totally.Sheldon: Maybe you should put on your Juicy pants again.Scene: The courtroom.Judge: Pay the cashier. Sheldon Cooper?Sheldon: Good morning, Your Honour. Dr. Sheldon Cooper appearing in pro se. That is to say, representing himself.Judge: I know what it means. I went to law school.Sheldon: And yet you wound up in traffic court. Anyway, if it would please the court, I’d like to begin with anopening statement.Judge: The court would advise you to make it quick, as the court had a dicey-looking breakfast burrito this morning and just took an Imodium.Sheldon:Very well, a quick opening statement. Like a milking stool, my case rests on three legs. I will demonstrate that I was improperly instructed in driving by a woman whose lack of respect for society borders on the sociopathic. I will argue that the emergency met the legal doctrine of quod est necessarium est licitum, that which is necessary is legal. But first, I will raise a Sixth Amendment issue. I’m unable to confront my accuser, a non-human entity, to wit, a camera. So, to sum up, improper instruction, quod est necessarium est licitum, Sixth Amendment. My milk stool is complete.Judge: Impressive.Sheldon: Thank you.Judge: Guilty. Pay the cashier.Sheldon: I object. You’re completely ignoring the law.Judge: No, I’m following the law. I’m ignoring you.Sheldon: Really? I would point out that I am at the top of my profession, while you preside over the kiddy table of yours.Judge:Dr. Cooper, before I find you in contempt and throw you in jail, I’m going to give you a cha nce to apologize for that last remark.Sheldon: I am a scientist. I never apologize for the truth.Scene: A police cell. Three people sit on a bench inside. Sheldon points at the one on the end. Sheldon: That’s my spot.Scene: A queue outside the comic book store.Raj:I can’t wait to ask Stan Lee why he insists on giving all his characters first and last names that start with the same letter.Leonard: Oh, come on, why would you do that?Raj: Bruce Banner, Reed Richards, Sue Storm, Stephen Strange, Otto Octavius, Silver Surfer, Peter Parker, oh, and worst of all, J. Jonah Jameson, Jr.Howard: Okay, I’m cutting. I’m not gonna talk to Stan Lee after you cheese him off.Leonard (phone rings.): Hey.Penny:Sheldon’s in jail.Leonard:Sheldon’s in jail?Raj: You called it.Leonard: For what?Penny: What do you think? For doing the same crap he always does, except to a judge. He has to stay in there until he apologizes.Leonard: So tell him to apologize.Penny: Oh, gee, thanks, Leonard. That didn’t occur to me. If he doesn’t apologize by 5 o’clock he is going to spend the night in jail.Leonard: Oh, no, that’s terrible. Ooh, the line’s moving. Got to go. Bye.Scene: The police cell.Sheldon: Excuse me? Excuse me, jailor?Guard: What?Sheldon: I need to use the restroom.Guard: Knock yourself out. (Points to urinal in cell)Sheldon: That’s the toilet?Guard: Well, it ain’t a wishing well.Sheldon:Please tell the judge I’m ready to apologize.Scene: The apartment.Leonard: Look at that. To my friend, Leonard, from Stan Lee, Excelsior!Howard: Awesome. Mine says, To my friend, Howard, from Stan Lee, Excelsior!Raj: Mine says, To Raj, from Stan Lee.Howard:That’s ’cause you pissed him off about his character names.Raj:Hey, I didn’t even mention Dum Dum Dugan or G reen Goblin, Matt Murdock, Pepper Potts, Victor Von Doom, oh, and worst of all, Millie the Model.Penny: We’re home.Leonard: Oh, hey, buddy. How’d it go?Sheldon: You know very well how it went.Leonard: Yeah, but we all want to hear it from you.Sheldon: I was found guilty and fined $533.Penny: I’m going to write you a cheque for that. As long as you promise to put it in your drawer and never cash it, like the others.Sheldon: I also now have three points on a driver’s licence I do not yet possess, and I was forced to issue an undeserved apology, simply because I refuse to urinate in a stainless steel bowl in front of criminals. Howard:Plus, you didn’t get to meet Stan Lee.Leonard: Okay, that’s enough, Howard. The poor guy’s had a tough time. He had to spend the entire afternoon in jail wearing that suit.Howard:You’re right, so it would be cruel to mention that after he finished signing autographs, Stan Lee took Stuart and us out for gelato.Sheldon: You had gelato with Stan Lee?Howard: He said we could call him Stan.Leonard: Except for Raj.Sheldon: Well, I hope you’re satisfied, Penny. You are responsible for all the evil that has befallen me today. Penny: Okay, I realize that…Sheldon: Not finished. It is because of you that I now have a criminal record, and it is because of you that I missed out on having gelato with Stan Lee.Penny:Okay, maybe you’ll have another chance to have…Sheldon: No, no. I will never have another chance to have gelato with Stan Lee because opportunities to have gelato with Stan Lee come but once in a lifetime. The moving finger writes, and having writ, moves on! Penny: Did he just somehow give me the finger?Howard: Not just the finger. The moving finger.Scene: The comic book store.Penny: Hey, Stuart.Stuart: Oh, hey, Penny. Wow. Hi.Penny: What’s going on?Stuart: Nothing. I’m just getting ready to close up and head out.Penny: Ah. Cool. Got any fun plans?Stuart: Oh, yeah. Big night tonight. Gonna share a can of tuna with the cat.Penny: Oh, nice.Stuart: Not even my c at. I just feed it. Some nights it doesn’t even show up.Penny: Oh, okay. Well, I was hoping, um, you could do me a favour.Stuart: Sure, yeah, name it.Penny: Well, I’m kind of responsible for Sheldon missing Stan Lee, and I really want to make it up to h im. So I was hoping you could give me his phone number so maybe I can arrange for them to meet.Stuart:Oh, I’m sorry, I don’t have his phone number.Penny: Hmm. Damn. All right. Thank you.Stuart: Mm-hmm. Wait. I have his address.Penny: Really? Great!Stuart: But I can’t give it to you.Penny: Then why did you tell me you had it?Stuart: I don’t know. Just chatting. You’re looking at a guy who could very well get stood up by a stray cat tonight.Penny:I’m sorry, Stuart. Thanks anyway.Stuart: Mm-hmm. Wait.Penny: Yeah?Stuart: Maybe we can make a deal.Penny: What kind of deal?Stuart:I will give you the address if you go to my cousin’s wedding with me.Penny: You’re extorting a date out of me?Stuart:I kind of have to. The cousin who’s getting married is the cousin I usually go to weddings with. Penny: Can I bring Leonard?Stuart: Sure. What the hell.Penny: Deal.Stuart: We’ll tell people he’s your cousin.Scene: Outside Stan Lee’s house.Sheldon:This is Stan Lee’s front door. We were on Stan Lee’s curb, then we were on Stan Lee’s walk, and now we’re at Stan Lee’s front door.Penny: Yup.Sheldon: Oh, Lord, you just rang Stan Lee’s doorbell. At Stan Lee’s house. We’re about to go in and have milk and cookies with Stan Lee.Penny:Okay, sweetie, I don’t know if we’re gonna have cookies, or he’s just gonna say hi, or really what’s gonna happen, so just let me talk, and we’ll…Stan Lee (opening door): Yeah?Penny: Are you Stan Lee?Stan Lee: Oh, damn.Penny: Hi. I’m Penny. This is my friend, Sheldon.Sheldon: We’re not friends at the moment. Depends on how this goes.Penny: R ight, right. Anyway, Sheldon here is a huge fan of yours, and he was supposed to meet you the other day at the comic book store, but he kind of ended up in jail.Stan Lee: I see. And yo u thought you’d just come over to my house uninvited?Sheldon: You said we were invited.Penny:Oh, no, no, I said I’m inviting you to come with me to Stan Lee’s house.Stan Lee: You know, you fan boys are unbelievable. Do you think you can just ring my doorbell any time you want? I mean, why don’t you just come on in and watch the Lakers game with me?Sheldon:Well, I’m not much of a sports fan, but thank you.Penny: I’m sorry. He doesn’t really understand sarcasm.Stan Lee: Well, I’ll give him something he’ll understand. Joanie, call the police!Penny: Nice to meet you.Scene: The apartment.Raj:Fantastic Four, Daredevil, Invincible Iron Man, Happy Hogan, Curt Connors…Howard: Would you just let it go?Raj: And worst of all, Fin Fang Foom.Leonard (as Sheldon enters): Hey, where’ve you been?Sheldon: I’ll tell you where I’ve been. You boys may have had gelato with Stan Lee and gotten autographed comics, but I saw the inside of his house and got an autographed application for a restraining order. Howard: Sweet.Sheldon: Plus, I get to hang out with him again at the hearing. This is going to look great hanging next to my restraining order from Leonard Nimoy.。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E14–The Einstein ApproximationScene: The apartment. Sheldon is stood in the middle of the room. His whiteboard is behind him. Every few moments he turns round suddently.Penny: Whatcha doing?Sheldon:I’m attempting to vi ew my work as a fleeting peripheral image so as to engage the superior colliculus of my brain.Penny:Interesting. I usually just have coffee. You’ve been up all night?Sheldon: Is it morning?Penny: Yes.Sheldon:Then I’ve been up all night.Penny: And yo u’re stuck?Sheldon: Why else would a person try to engage their superior colliculus?Penny:Oh, sorry, sweetie, I can’t help you till I’ve had my coffee.Leonard: Penny, I told you if you don’t put him in his crate at night he just runs around the apartme nt. Penny: What is he doing now?Leonard:Mmm, he’s either isolating the terms of his formula and examining them individually, or looking for the alligator that swallowed his hand after Peter Pan cut it off.Sheldon:Captain Hook’s hand was eaten by a crocodile, not an alligator. If you’re going to mock me, at least get your facts straight.Leonard: Aye, aye, Captain.Sheldon:I can’t see it! It just won’t coalesce.Leonard: Maybe you need a fresh start.Sheldon: You’re right. (Takes whiteboard to window and throws it out. Picks up a new one) It’s a great idea, Leonard. Thank you.Credits sequence.Scene: The cafeteria.Sheldon:Electrons move through graphene, act as if they have no mass…Howard: How long has he been stuck?Leonard: Intellectually about 30 hours. Emotionally about 29 years.Sheldon: Unit cell contains two carbon atoms. Interior angle of a hexagon is 120 degrees.Howard: Have you tried rebooting him?Leonard:No, I think it’s a firmware problem.Raj (arriving): Hey, it’s Disco Night at the Moonlight Roller Rink in Glendale tonight. Who’s up for getting down?Howard: Oh, that’s perfect. Bernadette’s been hocking me to take her roller skating.Leonard: I think Penny likes to skate. The four of us could double.Howard: What could be better? We’re in.Raj:Great. It’s not like I brought it up because I wanted to go.Howard: You can come with us.Raj: No, it’s okay. I don’t have to go. I’m happy just to guide you and your ladies to suitable entertainment choices. I’m a walking brown .Sheldon:Structure, constant structure. One atom…Howard:Boy, he’s really gone, isn’t he?Leonard: Yeah, this morning he used a stick of butter as deodorant.Howard: I thought I smelled popcorn.Sheldon: Pattern is the same as fermions, travels on the pathway s, hexagonal, it’s always hexagonal…Leonard:I haven’t seen him this stuck since he tried to figure out the third Matrix movie.Raj (as Sheldon reaches out and grabs from his plate): Hey, those are my lima beans!Sheldon: Not lima beans, carbon atoms.Raj:But if I don’t eat my lima beans, I can’t have my cookie.Leonard: Here, you want my peas?Sheldon: Peas! Perfect, they can be electrons.Howard: Want my corn?Sheldon:Don’t be ridiculous. What would I do with corn?Leonard: So roller skating, should we all grab a bite to eat first?Howard:Good. P.F. Chang’s? My mom has coupons.Leonard:Great. Your mom’s not coming, right?Howard: Not this time, I promise.Raj: Okay, just to be clear, roller skating was my idea, and I’m very unhappy that you turned it into a double date, and I hope you both fall on your asses and break your coccyxes.Sheldon: T he plural of coccyx is coccyges.Raj: Screw you. Give me back my lima beans.Scene: The stairwell.Bernadette: Oh, my God, have you ever been so embarrassed?Penny: Not recently.Bernadette:I don’t know which was lamer, their roller-skating or their disco dancing.Penny: For me, the worst part was when people saw us leave with them.Leonard: You had some nice moves out there, Howard.Howard: Thanks. You, too.Leonard: Yeah. Did you notice all the people looking at us?Howard: Not really. I was in my boogie zone.Bernadette: When Howard tried to do the splits…Penny: Shh.Leonard: Sorry. I’m moving a little slow. I think I bruised my coccyx.Penny: Oh, poor baby.Leonard:Don’t tell Koothrappali. After you.Penny: Oh, what a gentleman. Hey, Sheldon. (Steps on marbles which are all over the floor, screams and falls)Leonard:Oh, my God! Are you… (falls as well)Sheldon:Good Lord! You’re ruining everything!Penny: Oh, damn.Leonard: Are you okay?Penny: Do I look okay?Leonard: Don’t bark at me. I fell, too.Penny:Oh, you’ve been falling all night. You’re used to it.Howard: Sheldon, what the hell are you doing?Sheldon:The same thing I’ve been doing for three days. Trying to figure out why electrons behave as if they have no mass when travelling through a graphene sheet.Bernadette: With marbles?Sheldon:Well, I needed something bigger than peas, now, didn’t I?Bernadette: Sheldon, when was the last time you got any sleep?Sheldon: I don’t know, two, three days. Not important. I don’t need sleep, I need answers. I need to determine where in this swamp of unbalanced formulas squatteth the toad of truth.Penny: Toad of truth? Is that a physics thing?Leonard: No, that’s a crazy thing.Bernadette: Okay, Sheldon. What happens to our neuroreceptors when we don’t get enough REM sleep? Sheldon: They lose their sensitivity to serotonin and norepinephrine.Bernadette: Which leads to…?Sheldon: Impaired cognitive function.Bernadette: Right, so march in there, brush your teeth and go to bed.Sheldon:But I don’t want to go to bed.Bernadette: I’m going to count to three. One…Sheldon: Oh, all right.Leonard: That was amazing how you handled him.Bernadette: I know how to deal with stubborn children. My mother used to run an illegal day care centre in our basement.Scene: Leonard’s bedroom.Penny:Leonard, you’re… you’re giggling in your sleep.Leonard: I t’s not me, it’s my new ringtone. The Joker from Batman.Penny: Well, it creeps me out.Leonard: Me, too, but I paid three bucks for it.Penny: Just answer the phone.Leonard: Hello. Yeah, I’m Leonard Hofstadter. Yeah, yeah, he’s my roommate. Oh, God, is he okay? Yeah, alright, alright, I’ll be right there.Penny: What happened?Leonard:Sheldon’s escaped and is terrorizing the village.Penny: Okay. Have fun.Scene: A children’s play area.Leonard:Hi. I’m Dr. Hofstadter. Where is he?Security Guard: Ball pit.Leonard: Thanks for not calling the cops.Security Guard: Oh, hey, it’s no big deal. My sister’s got a kid who’s special.Leonard: Yeah, well, he’s extra special. Hey, Shelly. What you doing?Sheldon:Size ratio was all wrong. Couldn’t visualize it. Needed bigger carbon atoms.Leonard: Sure, sure. How did you get into this place?Sheldon: Back door has a five-pin tumbler system, single-circuit alarm. Child’s play. You can start sorting protons and neutrons while I build carbon atoms.Leonard: No, I don’t think so. We need to go home now.Sheldon:But I’m still working.Leonard:If you don’t come out of there, I’m going to have to drag you out.Sheldon: You can try, but you’ll never catch me. (He disappears under the balls)Leonard: For God’s sakes. Sheldon, come here!Sheldon (popping his head up): Bazinga. (Disappears, pops up in another place) Bazinga. (And again) Bazinga. (And again) Bazinga. (And again) Bazinga.Scene: Leonard’s bedroom. Sheldon is standing over their bed. He knocks on the wall.Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Leonard and Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Leonard and Penny.Leonard(Waking up as Penny screams): What! What, what, what?Sheldon:(Knock, knock, knock) Leonard and Penny.Leonard: What?Sheldon: I have good news.Leonard: And you had to barge in here and wake us up in the middle of the night?Sheldon: Your cell phone was off.Leonard:Because we didn’t want to be disturbed.Sheldon:And that didn’t work out, did it?Penny: Sheldon, what do you want?Sheldon: I came to tell you I’ve got the answer.Leonard: Really? You figured out the graphene problem?Sheldon:No, no, I’m still hopelessly stuck on that, but I figured out how to figure it out.Penny: Hey, you know what, Leonard, I know I said I could handle your roommate, but I was wrong. We’re going to have to break up.Leonard: What are you talking about?Penny(as Sheldon sits on the bed): Oh.Sheldon: Einstein.Leonard:Yeah, I’m going to need a little more.Sheldon: Albert Einstein.Leonard: Keep going.Sheldon: When Albert Einstein came up with special relativity, he was working at the patent office. Leonard:So, you’re going to go work at the patent office?Sheldon: Don’t be absurd. That’s in Washington. You know I could never live in a city whose streets are laid out in a wheel-and-spoke pattern. No. I’m going to find a similarly menial job where my basal ganglia are occupied with a routine task, freeing my prefrontal cortex to work quietly in the background on my problem. Leonard: Sounds like a great plan.Sheldon: Of course it is. Even talking to you is sufficiently menial that I can feel the proverbial juices starting to flow.Leonard: Okay, well, thanks for sharing with us. Good night.Sheldon:You’re welcome. Good night to you, too. Oh, by the way, I was watching you sleep for a moment, and I noticed that your snoring seems to be worse when yo u’re on your back.Penny:Leonard doesn’t snore.Sheldon: No, I wasn’t talking to Leonard.Leonard: Told you.Scene: An employment officeEmployment Office Assistant: So, Mr. Cooper, you’re looking for a job.Sheldon: A menial job. Like yours.Assistant: Why, thank you for noticing. I’m Menial Employee of the Month. Do you have a particular field in mind?Sheldon: I do. For thousands of years, the lowest classes of the human race have spent their lives labouring to erect monuments under the lash of their betters, until finally they dropped down and became one with the dust through which they trudged. Do you have anything like that?Assistant: No.Sheldon:Shouldn’t you check your database?Assistant (clicks her keyboard a few times): No.Sheldon:You didn’t really type.Assistant: I didn’t really have to. So, how about construction?Sheldon: Oh, that would be good! Sawing, hammering, eating out of a lunch pail as my working-class fellows and I sit perched precariously on a girder high above the metropolis.Assistant: No, no. This is putting up sheetrock at a housing project in Rosemead.Sheldon: I could do that.Assistant: Good.Sheldon: One question.Assistant: Yes?Sheldon: What’s sheetrock?Assistant: Moving on. How about doing deliveries for a florist?Sheldon: That seems acceptable.Assistant: Do you have your own car?Sheldon: I don’t drive.Assistant: Of course you don’t. Mr. Cooper, let me just ask you a question. What was your last job? Sheldon: Senior theoretical particle physicist at CalTech, focusi ng on M theory, or, in layman’s terms, string theory.Assistant: I see. Just give me a second. Security!Scene: The Cheesecake Factory.Penny: Okay, I’ll get those drinks started for you.Sheldon (appearing in an apron and carrying a tray): Behind you.Penny: Sheldon, what the hell are you doing?Sheldon:I’m trying to get these tables cleared. We’re slammed.Penny: No, wait, wait, no, wait. Wh.. what are you doing here?Sheldon: A reasonable question. I asked myself, what is the most mind-numbing, pedestrian job conceivable, and three answers came to mind, uh, toll booth attendant, an Apple Store genius, and what Penny does. Now, since I don’t like touching other people’s coins, and I refuse to contribute to the devaluation of the word genius, here I am.Penny: You just, you just walked in and they hired you, just like that?Sheldon:Oh, heavens, no. Since I don’t need to be paid, I didn’t need to be hired. I simply came in, picked up a tray, and started working for the man. Let me get that plate out of your way.Penny: Sheldon, this is ridiculous.Sheldon: Is it? Just a moment ago I had a minor epiphany regarding the polymer degradation phenomenon while scraping congealed nachos off a plate. Bernadette, table 10 wants their check.Bernadette: Thanks, Sheldon.Penny: Sheldon, wait, this isn’t even what I do. I’m a waitress, not a busboy.Sheldon: You’re right. That is more menial. Hello, I’m Sheldon. I’ll be your server today. I don’t recommend the salmon. I saw it in the kitchen.Scene: The same, later.Sheldon: All right, one bacon cheeseburger, breaking two Jewish dietary restrictions simultaneously, kudos. Beer-battered fish and chips. Now, here’s your tartar sauce. I also brought you salsa. It’s a little unconventional, but I think you’ll like it. It’s z ingy. And for you, Factory Burrito Grande, no cheese, no sour cream, no ugly consequences from your lactose intolerance. Bon appétit.Leonard: Hang on. Black beans, not pinto beans?Sheldon: Yes.Leonard: Double guacamole?Sheldon: Of course.Leonard: No cilantro?Sheldon: Nope.Leonard: Lettuce shredded, not chopped?Sheldon: Yep.Leonard: You understand why I’m doing this to you?Sheldon: I do.Leonard:That’ll be all. That was fun.Raj: How long can he keep this up?Leonard: I heard about this professor at MIT who melted down, bought a van, and spent the rest of his life as a mobile dog groomer.Raj: He never went back to the university?Leonard: Only to shampoo Professor Chambourg’s shih tzu.Raj: Sheesh.Howard: I bet if we all chipped in, we could buy Sheldon a van.Raj:But he’s afraid of dogs.Leonard:Yeah, that’s the only thing wrong with that plan.Penny:Hey, guys, sorry you had to wait, but we are swamped. What’s this?Leonard: Sheldon took our order.Penny: Sheldon doesn’t work here.Leonard: We ll, honey, not to complain, but we were starting to think you didn’t either.Sheldon (drops tray. A nearby table claps): Is that really necessary? Good Lord. The interference pattern in the fracture. The motion of the wave through the molecular structure. I’ve been looking at it all wrong. I can’t consider the electrons as particles. They move through the graphene as a wave. It’s a wave! The moment to applaud would be now. Troglodytes.Penny:Sheldon, where are you going? Aren’t you going to clean this up?Sheldon: I’m sorry. I don’t work here.Scene: The roller disco.Howard: Happy now?Raj: I’m on a cloud. Swing me. (Howard swings Raj several times.)Scene: The ball pit, presumably earlier.Leonard: Sheldon, come here.(Sheldon once again keeps popping up his head and shouting “Bazinga” as Leonard flails around trying to catch him.)。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E12 – The Psychic VortexScene: The apartment.Leonard:Look at us. Getting ready for a double date with actual women who publicly acknowledge they’re our girlfriends.Howard: Yes, actual women are the best.Sheldon: I don’t understand. What other kind of women are there?Leonard: Howard, artificial women are your department. You want to take this?Howard:No, it would just freak him out. Listen, before we leave, I should warn you, I’m a passionate man and I tend towards public displays of affection.Leonard: What are you trying to tell me, Howard?Howard: There might be some making out in the car or the restaurant, and I don’t want Bernadette to feel uncomfortable, so it would help if you and Penny made out, too.Leonard: D on’t worry. We’re planning to have sex right on the salad bar.Raj(arriving): Namaste, white people. Good news! I rented us the four-hour edition of Watchmen. Leonard: Got it.Howard: Seen it.Sheldon: Detailed analysis posted online.Raj: Well, then what are we going to do tonight?Leonard: Uh, sorry, Raj. Howard and I are going out to dinner with Penny and Bernadette.Howard: Yeah, no more carefree bachelor nights for me and Leonard. These broncos have been saddled. Leonard: How did we get actual women?Raj: Great. They get girlfriends, and they just abandon us?Sheldon:It is great, isn’t it? We have a wonderful evening ahead of us.Raj: We do?Sheldon:Oh, yes. I just discovered I don’t have enough room on my hard drive for a Linux partition, so you and I are going to perform a full backup, reinitialize and then reinstall all my operating systems.Raj:I don’t want to do that.Sheldon:All right. Well, I’m going to perform full backup, reinitialize and then reinstall all my operating systems.Raj: What about me?Sheldon: Well, I understand there are several types of artificial women. Maybe you should look into that.Credits sequence.Scene: A little later.Raj: Dude, there’s so many cool things we could be doing tonight. Look. At the Glendale Galleria, put on your best zoot suit, it’s a salute to Swing music in the center court near Macy’s. 5pm to 9pm, huh, huh? A salute to zoot. Sounds like a hoot.Sheldon: I’m sorry, Raj, I have no desire to salute any article of clothing tonight. Much less one that’s linked to race riots in the 1940s.Raj: Race riots?Sheldon: The zoot suit riots.Raj: Oh. I always thought that was some sort of after-Christmas sale. Well, then why don’t we just go to the galleria and walk around?Sheldon:I don’t need anything at the G alleria. Do you need anything at the Galleria?Raj: No. We would just walk around and see what’s what.Sheldon: That’s a semantically null sentence.Raj: Okay, well, how about this? From the university Web site, 7pm to 10pm, Norton Hall Multipurpose Room, mixer for grad students and faculty of the science and humanities departments. Whether you split atoms or infinitives, this is the place to be.Sheldon: Well, that’s certainly amusing, but I have no interest.Raj: Come on, Sheldon, the world is filled with people doing things outside. Let’s go outside. Outside is good.Sheldon: If outside is so good, why has mankind spent thousands of years trying to perfect inside?Raj:I don’t know, it’s a marketing scheme. Please, Sheldon, I’m a young, virile visitor fro m a foreign land and I need to strut my stuff.Sheldon: Let me offer you a compromise. Sometimes when I feel stifled and want a change of scenery, I use my imagination.Raj: Oh, boy.Sheldon:One of my favourite places to visit is the two-dimensional world described in Edwin Abbott’s mathematical fantasy, Flatland.Raj:I don’t want to go to Flatland.Sheldon:You’re only saying that because you haven’t been there. I am now a hexagon in two-dimensional space and can only perceive the edges of other objects.Raj: Oy.Sheldon: Is that you, Raj? I don’t recognize your edge.Raj: Sheldon, I’m begging you. I want to go to this mixer, and I don’t want to go alone.Sheldon: Well, you’re in luck, there’s a mixer here in Flatland. Oh, look, there’s a sexually attract ive line segment, you should chat her up.Raj: What?Sheldon:Tell her you’re a circle, Flatland gals are all hot for circles.Scene: Leonard’s car.Leonard: I hope you’re hungry, Bernadette, we’re going to a terrific restaurant.Bernadette: Oh, yeah, I’m starved. When you spend all day in a bio-lab, watching flesh-eating bacteria skeletonize small rodents it really works up an appetite.Howard: Flesh-eating bacteria. And yet, I still want to kiss this woman, what does that tell you?Penny: That you’d be w illing to die a horrible death on the off-chance you’d get to second base? Bernadette: Oh, we’re way past second base. Right, Howard?Howard: Well, we kind of disagree about what the bases are.Bernadette: How’s your work going, Penny? Any acting jobs?Penny: Well, the last big thing I did was this production of Diary of Anne Frank above a bowling alley. But I think things might be turning around pretty soon.Leonard: Great. How come?Penny: Well, promise you won’t make fun of me.Leonard: Of course, I would never make fun of you.Penny: Okay. Well, I went to this psychic who told me that if I cut my hair, I’m going to get a national commercial.Leonard (laughing): Seriously? You’re getting career advice from a psychic?Howard: Good job not making fun of her.Penny: She’s not one of those phonies, okay. She wrote a book and has her own Web site.Leonard:Oh, gee, why didn’t you say so? They don’t let just anyone have a Web site.Penny: Why are you being such a jerk?Leonard:You’re surprised? Your psychic didn’t tell you I was going to be a jerk?Penny: Ha-ha, bite me.Leonard: Come on, Penny.Howard: Why don’t you kids go ahead and chat? We’re gonna make out back here.Bernadette:I’m sliding into third.Scene: The university mixer.Raj: Thanks for coming with me.Sheldon: Thanks for giving me your limited edition Green Lantern lantern.Raj: Did you really have to bring it in with you?Sheldon: What if evil strikes and my power ring runs low?Raj: Come on, let’s get a drink.Sheldon:I don’t drink.Raj: Yeah, well I do. And when my wingman is carrying a Green Lantern lantern, I drink a lot. I’ll have a screwdriver, please. Don’t be chintzy with the screw.Sheldon: I would like a root beer float.Raj: Sheldon, they don’t have ice cream.Sheldon: They don’t? Wel l, apparently, these people and I differ greatly on the definition of party.Raj:He’ll have a Shirley Temple.Sheldon: And don’t be chintzy with the Shirley.Raj: Okay, let’s check out the females.Sheldon:All right. There’s a female.Raj: T hat’s Professor Wilkinson’s wife, she’s like 80 years old.Sheldon: But she’s female. Isn’t that the game?Raj:No. I’m looking for a hookup.Sheldon: Oh, yes. So, the point of this exercise is for you to find someone to copulate with?Raj: Not so loud, but ideally, yes. Thanks.Sheldon: Thank you. And what is my function as wingman?Raj: You help me run my game.Sheldon: Okay. What is your game?Sheldon: When I lie through my teeth to a woman, you nod and agree.Girl:Hey, that’s pretty cool. What is it?Sheldon:It’s a limited edition Green Lantern lantern. My friend is looking for someone to copulate with. Girl: You’re very funny. I’m Abby.Sheldon: I’m Sheldon. How do you do?Raj: How do you do? Rajesh Ramayan Koothrappali. Call me Raj.Abby: Hi, Raj. Where are you from?Raj: The mysterious subcontinent of India.Abby: Ooh, India.Raj: You know India?Abby: I saw Slumdog Millionaire.Raj: Well, I’m a slumdog astrophysicist.Sheldon: I thought your father was a gynaecologist. I’m sorry. (Smiles and nods)Abby: Martha, come here. Meet Raj and Sheldon. This is my friend, Martha.Martha: Hi.Raj: Hello.Sheldon: Hello.Martha: Is that the limited edition Green Lantern lantern?Sheldon: In brightest day, in darkest night, no evil shall escape my sight.Martha: Oh, that is so awesome.Sheldon: Thank you. Have you chosen one to copulate with?Scene: A restaurant.Bernadette: So, what should we talk about?Howard: Well, we could always learn more about why people who believe in psychics are idiots. Leonard? Penny: Oh, we don’t need to talk about that anymore. Leonard covered it pretty well in the car. Leonard: I’m sorry, but facts are facts.Penny:Right, and if you can’t understand it, it’s not a fact.Leonard: No, if it’s not a fact, it’s not a fact.Penny: Oh, got it. Thank you for educating me.Leonard: You’re welcome. How’s your fish?Penny: Amazing. Would you like to try some?Leonard: Yeah, sure.Penny:Well, the fact is, you can’t.Leonard:Come on, Howard, Bernadette, you’re both scientists. Help me out here.Howard: Wh at do you think? Want to jump right into the middle of another couple’s argument? Bernadette: No, thank you.Howard: Sorry.Leonard: Maybe we should just stop talking about this.Penny: Maybe some of us should stop talking altogether.Waiter: How is everything tonight?Bernadette: Really uncomfortable.Scene: The stairwell.Leonard:You know, the best thing about being in a committed, monogamous, mutually supportive relationship is that even if you have different ideas, you can have a spirited debate, yet still care for, even make love with… (she shuts the door in his face) Want your fish? (Opens door, takes fish, closes it again) I knew you were going to do that. Doesn’t make me psychic! Attaboy, Leonard, make it worse. (Opens his own apartment door to find Sheldon, Raj and the two girls playing Rock Band and performing American Woman)Leonard:What’s going on?Sheldon: We scored. I’m the wingman.Scene: Leonard’s lab.Howard: Hey.Leonard(handing him protective glasses): Laser.Howard: Had a great night last night. I don’t like to kiss and tell, but somebody made it to eighth base. Leonard: What the hell is eighth base?Howard: Seventh base with shirt off. Well, my shirt. How’d things go with Penny?Leonard:Oh, couldn’t be better.Howard: Are we taking our relationship frustrations out on innocent Cylons?Leonard:It’s not just Cylons. Superman’s next.Howard: All right, I was going to try to squeeze in a little more mocking before lunch, but I can come back later when you don’t have a high-powered weapon.Leonard: How can I go out with a woman who believes in psychics?Howard: Hey, I once dated a girl who believed she was abducted by aliens.Leonard:And that didn’t bother you?Howard: Au contraire. It meant she was gullible and open to a little probing.Leonard:What am I supposed to do, pretend I believe something I don’t whenever I’m with Penny? Howard:Hey, I’m sure Penny fakes all kinds of things when she’s with you.Leonard: Do me a favour, lean over, put your head right here.Howard: Let me show you another way to look at this. Here we have the universe of all women. These are the ones you want to sleep with. These are the women who believe exactly what you believe. These are the women who would be willing to sleep with you. And right there in theli ttle triple intersection is your ideal mate. Odds are she’s a short physicist with low self-esteem who lives in a government research facility in China.Leonard: What’s your point? In order to keep having a sexual relationship with Penny, I have to give up everything I believe in, my intellectual integrity, the very nature of who I am? I can’t do that, Howard. Howard: I respect that. (Takes Leonard’s hand, draws a dot on it.)Leonard: What is that?Howard: Your new girlfriend. Have fun tonight.Scene: The apartment. Sheldon is learning Finnish.Sheldon:The dog… koira. The roof… katto. Grapes… ryp leet. (There is a knock on the door) One minute. Sis n.Raj: What was that?Sheldon:It means come in. It’s taking forever to load the new operating system on my computer. I disinfected the kitchen and the bathroom, and now I thought I’d learn Finnish.Raj: (Hindi)That’s Hindi for whatever floats your boat. Uh, listen, I got a text from that girl Abby, and she and her friend Martha want to hang out with us again. What do you say?Sheldon: I don’t say anything. I merely offer you a facial expression that suggests you’ve gone insane. Raj: I don’t get it. You had a great time.Sheldon: Yes, exactly, I had a great time. That’s done, I’ve moved on to other things. For example, after I learn Finnish, I’m not going to learn Finnish again.Raj: Please, Sheldon, I’m a lost Indian boy far from home, and I want a girlfriend and I want her to be Abby, and she’ll only come over if she can bring Martha.Sheldon: Raj, I highly doubt there is any argument you can make, threat you might levy, rhetorical strategy, plea, invocation, supplication, or… vetoomus that you can employ that would convince me to reconsider. Raj: My Incredible Hulk hands signed by Stan Lee.Sheldon: Oh, my. I’ve admired these for years.Raj: So does that mean we can go with the girls again?Sheldon: Hulk agree to second date with puny humans!Raj:You can’t wear the hands on the date.Sheldon: Hulk sad.Scene: The laundry room.Leonard: Hey. Cleaning out the old dryer lint, huh? Not only is it courteous, it’s safety smart. Every year, 15,000 fires are caused by accidental dryer lint ignition. Now you’re supposed to say, wow, what an interesting fact. Come here, you crazy, nerdy guy. I could never be mad at you.Penny: Wow, that’s all you got after you were the most obnoxious person on a double date that included Howard Wolowitz?Leonard:No, I’m sorry. I really am. It’s not right to mock what a person believes in.Penny: Thank you. Would you be willing to go to my psychic and see what it’s all about?Leonard: Would you be willing to read a book that concisely explains how all psychics are frauds? Penny: I would not.Leonard:Okay, let’s go see your psychic.Penny: Really?Leonard: Well, yeah, one of us has to keep an open mind.Penny: You saying I don’t have an open mind?Leonard: No, not at all. Let me help you with this stuff.Penny: You know, I believe in ghosts, too.Leonard: Great.Penny: And astrology.Leonard: I know, and pyramid power and healing crystals.Penny: Oh, no, no, no, crystals don’t work.Leonard: Really, that’s the line? Psychics are real, but crystals are voodoo?Penny:Oh, voodoo’s real. You don’t want to mess with voodoo.Scene: The apartment.Martha: Flatland is more than just a mathematical essay. It is also a treatise on Victorian social mores. Sheldon: You know, I had never considered that. Wow, that’s going to completely change my visits there. Well, it’s late.Martha: Uh-huh.Sheldon: Time for bed.Martha: Okay.Sheldon: Good night, puny human! (He gets up and leaves).Scene: Outside Sheldon’s bedroom.Martha: Sheldon?Sheldon: Yes?Martha: Listen, they’re kind of getting busy in the living room, and I was wondering if I could hang out in here for a while.Sheldon: Well, I suppose. Com e in. I’ll sleep in Leonard’s room. Good night。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E01 – The Electric Can Opener FluctuationPreviously on The Big Bang Theory...[Scene: Opening shows some scenes from the final episode of the previous season, followed by the caption “Three months later.” Scene then opens in lobby, with the guys arriving home from the North Pole. All have long hair and bushy beards except Sheldon, whose hair is slightly longer and who has a goatee.]Sheldon：I am going to the Arctic Circle with Leonard,Walowitz,and Koothrappali.Penny：For three months? -Sheldon：Yes.Leonard：What did you mean when you said you were going to miss me?Penny：It means I wish you weren't going.[three month later]Leonard：Oh,thank God we're home.Howard：I can't believe we spent three months in that frozen hell.Rajesh：It was like a snowy nightmare from which there was no awakening.Sheldon：I don't know what Arctic expedition you guys were on,but I thought it was a hoot and a half.Sheldon：Oh,hi,Mom. No,I told you I'd call you when I got home. I'm not home yet.All right,I'm home.The Arctic expedition was a remarkable success.I'm all but certain there's a Nobel Prize in my future. Actually,I shouldn't say that.I'm entirely certain. No,Mother,I could not feel your church group praying for my safty. The fact that I'm home safe does not prove that it worked. The logic is post hoc ergo propter hoc. No,I'm not sassing you in Eskimo talk. Leonard I'm gonna go let Penny know we're back.Sheldon：Mother,I have to go.Yeah,love you. Bye.Hello,old friend.Daddy's home.Penny：Leonard,you're back.Leonard：Yeah. I just stopped by to say-- hmph!Yeah. So,hi.Penny：Hi.(They stumble, kissing, into her apartment and slam the door shut)Howard：Damn it,I should have gone over and told her we were back.Rajesh：Yeah,it was first-come,first-serve.Credits Sequence[Scene: A moment later.]Sheldon：I just want you both to know, When I publish my findings,I won't forget your contributions. Howard：Great.Rajesh：Thanks.Sheldon：Of course,I can't mention you in my Nobel acceptance speech, but when I get around to writing my memoirs, you can expect a very effusive footnote and perhaps a signed copy.Rajesh：We have to tell him.Sheldon：Tell me what?You fellows are planning a party for me,aren't you?Howard：Okay,Sheldon,sit down.Sheldon：If there's going to be a theme I should let you know that I don't care for luau,toga or "under the sea."Howard：Yeah,we'll keep that in mind. Look...We need to talk to you about something that happened at the North Pole.Sheldon：If this is about the night the heat went out,there's nothing to be embarrassed about.Rajesh：It's not about that.Howard：And we agreed never speak of it again.Sheldon：So we slept together naked.It was only to keep our core body temperatures from plummeting. Howard：He's speaking about it.Rajesh：For me,it was a bonding moment.Howard：Sheldon,you remember the first few weeksWe were looking for magnetic monopoles And not finding anything and you were acting like an obnoxious,giant dictator?Rajesh：thought we were going to be gentle with him.Howard：That's why I added the "tator."And then when we finally got our first positive data, you were so happy.Sheldon：Oh,yes. In the world of emoticons,I was colon,capital "D."Howard：Well,in actuality,what your equipment detected wasn't so much evidence of paradigm- shifting monopoles as it was...static from the electric can opener we were turning on and off.Rajesh：He just went colon,capital "O."Sheldon：You tampered with my experiment?Howard：We had to.Rajesh：It was the only way to keep you from being such a huge Dickensian.You see that? I add the "ensian."Sheldon：Did Leonard know abouthis?Leonard's my best friend in the world.Surely Leonard didn't know. Howard：Actually,it was his idea.Sheldon：Of course it was. The whole plan weeks of Leonard.Penny：I missed you so much.Leonard：I missed you,tooPenny：I couldn't even think of anyone else while you were gone.Leonard：Me,neither.Except for one night when the heat went out.Long story. It's... Don't ask.Sheldon：(Knock, knock, knock)Leonard.(Knock, knock, knock) Leonard.(Knock, knock, knock) Leonard. Leonard：Do not make a sound.Sheldon(whispering)："Do not make a sound..."...is a sound.Leonard：Damn his Vulcan hearing.Not a good time,Sheldon.Sheldon：Penny.Penny. Penny.Penny：Oh,this is ridicules.What?Sheldon：Hello,Penny I realize you're currently at the mercy of your primitive biological urges,but as you have an entire lifetime of poor decisions ahead of you,may I interrupt this one?Penny：It's great to see you too. Come on in.Sheldon：Wolowitz has informed me of your grand deception.Do you have anything to say for yourself? Leonard：Yes,I feel terrible about it.I will never forgive myself,I don't expect you to,either,and I would really appreciate it if you would leave me with Penny for a session of self-criticism and repentance.Penny：Okay,can someone please tell me what's going on here?Sheldon：What's going on is I was lead to believe I was making groundbreaking strides in science,when in fact,I was being fed false data at the hands of Wolowitz,Koothrappali and your furry little boy toy.Penny：Is that true?Leonard：It was the only way to make him happy.Penny：Well,why'd you have to make him happy?Leonard：Because when he wasn't happy,we wanted to kill him.There was even a plan.We were going to throw his kindle outside,and when he went to get it,lock the door and let him freeze to death.Sheldon：That seems like a bit of an overreaction.Leonard：No,the overreaction was the plan to tie your limbs to four different sled dog teams andyell,"Mush."Look,we kept the original data.You can still publish the actual results.Sheldon：Yes,but the actual results are unsuccessful and I've already sent an e-mail to everyone at the university explaining that I have confirmed string theory and forever changed man's understanding of the universe.Leonard：Aw,see,yeah,you probably shouldn't have done that.So write another e-mail. Set the record straight.It's no big deal.Sheldon：You're right,Leonard.It's not a big deal. All you did was lie to me,destroy my dream and humiliate me in front of the whole university. That,FYI,was sarcasm. I,in fact,believe it is a big deal.Penny：Oh,the poor thing.Leonard：Yeah,I feel terrible.Penny：Wait wait,aren't you going to go talk to him?Leonard：What? Uh,he'll be fine.The guy's a trooper. Come here.Penny：No,you're right-- you shouldn't talk to him.I will.Leonard：Man,I cannot catch a break.[Scene: Sheldon’s bedroom. Penny knocks and enters.]Penny：Do you want to talk?Sheldon：About what? Being betrayed by my friends?Spending three months at the North Pole for nothing?And I didn't even get to go to Comic-Con!Penny：Oh,hon...Uh... Soft kitty,warm kitty...Sheldon：That's for when I'm sick. Sad is not sick.Penny：Oh. Sorry.I don't know your sad song.Sheldon：I don't have a sad song. I'm not a child.Penny：Well,you know,I do understand what you're going through.Sheldon：Really?Did you just have the Nobel Prize in waitressing stolen from you?Penny：Well,no,but when I was a senior in high school,one of my friends heard I was going to be named head cheerleader.Oh,I was so excited.My mom even made me a celebration pie.Then they named stupid Valerie Mosbacher head cheerleader.Big old slutbag.Sheldon：Are you saying that you think a "celebtion pie" is even remotely comparable to a Nobel Prize? Penny：Well,they're pretty tasty.Sheldon：And on a different,but not unrelated topic, based on your current efforts to buoy my spirits,do you truly believe that you were ever fit to be a cheer leader?Penny：Look,Sheldon,I just don't think that the guys and Leonard really meant to hurt you.You know? They just told an unfortunate lie to deal with a difficult situation.Okay,you know what it's like?Remember that scene in the new Star Trek movie when Kirk has to take over the ship,so he tells Spock all that stuff he knew wasn't true,like saying Spock didn't care his mom died?Sheldon：I missed Comic- Con and the new Star Trek movie![Scene: The university cafeteria. The guys have shaved and had haircuts. Howard has kept his moustache.]Rajesh：I like the new look.Howard：Thanks.I call it "the Clooney."Rajesh：I call it "the Mario and Luigi but whatever.Hey,how's sheldon doing?Leonard：Well,he came out of his room this morning wearing his Darth Vader helmet and trying to chop me to death with the "force" so I would say "a little better."Howard：If I may abruptly change the subject,did you and Penny finally... you know.Leonard：Howard...Howard：Personally,I don't care, but my genitals wanted me to ask.Leonard：Well tell your genitals what I do with Penny is none of their business.Howard(to his genitals)：He says they didn't do it.Leonard(to Sheldon, entering)：Sheldon,over here.(Sheldon sits at another table and tries to choke all three to death with the force. Raj pretends he is choking.)Howard：What are you doing?Rajesh：well,I feel bad for the guy.Leonard：Sheldon,why are you sitting by yourself?Sheldon：Because I am without friends.Like the proverbial cheese,I stand alone.Evenhile seated. Leonard：Come on. We said we were sorry.Sheldon：It's going to take more than an "I'm sorry"and a store-bought apology pie from Penny to make up for what you've done to me.Barry：Hey,Cooper.Read your retraction email.Way to destroy your reputation.Sheldon：You see? People have been pointing and laughing at me all morning.Barry：That's not true.People have been pointing and laughing at you your whole life.Sheldon：All right,I've had enough.Attention,everyone. I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper. As many of you in the physics department might know, my career trajectory has taken a minor detour. Off a cliff. My credibility may have been damaged . Completely wrecked.But I would like to remind you that in science,there's no such thing as failure.There once was a man who was referred to his prediction of a cosmological constant as the single "biggest blunder"of his career. That man's name was--surprise,surprise--Albert Einstein.Barry：Yeah,but research into Dark Energy proved that Einstein's cosmological constant was actually right all along,so you're still--surprise,surprise--a loser.Sheldon：Oh,you think you're so clever.Well,let me just tell you,while I do not currently have a scathing retort,you check your e-mail periodically for a doozy.Leonard：So much for our friendship with Sheldon.Rajesh：Well,we always have the night the heat went out.[Scene: Penny’s apartment.]Penny：Hi.Leonard：Hey.Listen,since we got,you know, interrupted last night,I didn't have a chance to give you this. Penny：Oh,Leonard,you shouldn't have.Oh,boy!What is it?Leonard：It's a snowflake.From the North Pole.Penny：Are you serious?Leonard：Uh-huh.It'll last forever.I preserved in a one percent solution of polyvinyl acetal resin.Penny：Oh,my God.That's the most romantic thing anyone's ever said to me that I didn't understand. Leonard：It's actually a pretty simple process.You see,cyanoacrylates are monomers which polymerize on--(she kisses him)Howard：Red alert,Leonard. Sheldon ran away.Leonard：Man,I cannot catch a break.Penny：So,how do you know he ran way?Howard：Well,he's not answering his phone,he handed in his resignation at the university and he sent me a text that said,"I'm running away."Leonard：Okay,well,thanks for letting me know.Penny：Well,Leonard,aren't you going to do something?Of course I'm going to do something. Uh,Howard,you check the comic book Raj,go to the Thai restaurant.I'll stay here with Penny in her apartment.(His phone rings)Oh,damn it,It's Sheldon's mother. A break cannot be caught.Hi,Mrs. Cooper.he is?Sheldon went home to TexasYeah,no,I know he resigned.Yes... I guess it is kind of our fault.No,no,no. You-you're right.Someone needs to come talk to him.Don't worry,I'll take care of it.Yeah. All right.New plan.Howard,you and Raj go to Texas.I'll stay here with Penny in her apartment.Penny：Well,you're not gonna go with them?Leonard：Well,you know,I gave you the snowflakeand we were kissing and...Oh,come on,I don't want to go to Texas!Howard：Oh,right,and I do?My people already crossed a desert once.We're done.Leonard：Trust me,you'll be fine. See ya.Penny：Well,wait a second,Leonard,come on,how can you not go? He's your best friend.Leonard：Yeah,but I already saw him naked.Penny：I promise I will be he when you get back.Just go help Sheldon.Leonard：Really?Penny：Yeah. We waited a few months.We can wait a few more days.Leonard：Maybe you can.Go.Rajesh：Boy,you cannot catch a break,can you?[Scene: Sheldon’s mother’s kitchen.]Mrs Cooper：Here you go,Shelly.Sheldon：Thaks,Mom.Mrs Cooper：Hold your horses,young man.Here in Texas,we pray before we eat.Sheldon：Aw,Mom.This is not California,land of the heathen.Mrs Cooper：Gimme.By His hand we are all...Sheldon： ...fed.Mrs Cooper：Give us,Lord,our daily...Sheldon ： ...bread.Mrs Cooper：Please know that we are truly...Sheldon： ...grateful.Mrs Cooper：For every cup and every...Sheldon：...plateful. Amen.Mrs Cooper：Now,that wasn't so hard,was it?Sheldon：My objection was based on considerations Other than difficulty.Mrs Cooper：Whatever. Jesus still loves you.Sheldon：Thank you for carving a smiley face in my grilled cheese sandwich.Mrs Cooper：Oh,I know how to take care of my baby.His eyes cames out a little thin,But you can just pretend he's Chinese.Do you want to talk about what happened with you and your little friends?Sheldon：They're not my friends.Mrs Cooper：All right.If you recall,when you were little,we sat right here at this very spotWe talked about some of the problemsThat you had get in along with the neighbor kid s.Sheldon：That was different.They were threatened by my intelligenceAnd too stupid to know that's why they hated me.Mrs Cooper：Oh baby,they knew very well why they hate you.[Scene: A rental car.]Leonard：I can't believe you bought a red cowboy hat.Howard：Hello? I'm wearing a red turtleneck Plus,it was the only boys' large they had.Rajesh：I'm sorry,this does not look like Texas.Where's the tumbleweeds? Whe's the saloons? Leonard：Saloons?Rajesh：Yeah,like in the movies I saw growing up in India.You know,uh,Four for T exas,Yellow Rose of Texes.Howard：This neighborhood is more likeT exas ChainsawRajesh：I was really hoping to see a cattle drive.Leonard：What can I tell you?They probably have steaks on sale at that big-ass Costco over there.[Scene: Sheldon’s mother’s house.]Leonard：Will you please take that stupid hat off?Howard：No,I want to blend in.Rajesh：To what? Toy Story?Mrs Cooper：Hi,boys.Howard：Howdy,ma'am.Mrs Cooper：Howdy to you too.You got here quick..Leonard：We took the red-eye.Mrs Cooper：Well,come on in.Howard：Thank you kindly.Mrs Cooper：Can .. Can I get you something to drink?Leonard：Uh,no,thank you.Howard：If you don't mind,I got a hankerin' for a Lone Star beer.Mrs Cooper：There's no alcohol in this household. Stop talking like that and lose the hat.Howard：Sorry,I'll take a diet Yoo-Hoo if you have it.Mrs Cooper：You'll take a Coke.What about you? Radge,isn't it?Oh,you still having trouble talking to the ladies?Because,you know,at our church,We have a woman who's an amazing healer.Mostly she does,uh,crutch and wheelchair people,But I bet she'd be willing to take a shot At whatever Third World demon is running around inside of you.Leonard：Uh,if you don't mind,Mrs. Cooper,There's a 3:05 nonstop back to Los AngeleAnd you have no idea how much I want to be on it.Mrs Cooper：A girl?Leonard：Uh,yes,ma'am.Mrs Cooper：Oh,good. I been praying for you.Oh,Sheldon.Sheldon：What are they doing here?Leonard：We came to apologize.Howard：Again.Leonard：And bring you homeSo,why don't you pack up your stuff and we'll head backSheldon：No,this is my home now.Thanks to you,my career is overAnd I will spend the rest of my life here in TexasTrying to teach evolution to creationists.Mrs Cooper：You watch your mouth,Shelly. Everyone's entitled to their opinion.Sheldon：Evolution isn't an opinion,it's fact.Mrs Cooper：And that is your opinion.Sheldon：I forgive you. Let's go home.Mrs Cooper：Don't tell me prey doesn't work.[Scene: In Penny’s bed.]Leonard：How about that.I finally caught a break.You know how they say when friends have sex,it can get weird?Penny：Sure.Leonard：Why does it have to get weird?Penny：I don't know.Leonard：I mean,we were friends,and now we're more than friends.We're whatever "this" is.But why label it,right?I mean,it is what it is and...Penny：Leonard?Leonard：Yeah?Penny：It's weird.Leonard：totally.。

生活大爆炸第3季中英字幕1900:00:18,900 --> 00:00:18,630喘不过气了吗Having a little trouble catching your breath there?200:00:10,130 --> 00:00:12,630不不我没事儿No, no, I'm good.300:00:12,630 --> 00:00:15,450要是体育老师早告诉我刻苦训练是为了这个If my P.E. teachers had told me this is what I was training for,400:00:15,460 --> 00:00:17,160我就会试着再努力点I would have tried a lot harder.500:00:19,330 --> 00:00:22,860要么去做要么放手没有尝试一说"Do or do not. There is no try."600:00:25,560 --> 00:00:28,630你刚引用了星战的台词吗Did you just quote star wars?700:00:28,630 --> 00:00:32,650我引用的应该是《帝国反击战》的台词I believe I quoted Empire Strikes Back.800:00:28,930 --> 00:00:32,700[星战第五部]900:00:33,970 --> 00:00:37,000老天爷Oh, my God.1000:00:37,000 --> 00:00:41,300我居然和一个能引用尤达大师的话的美女躺在一起I'm lying in bed with a beautiful woman who can quote Yoda.1100:00:37,760 --> 00:00:41,300[尤达：星战人物]1200:00:46,260 --> 00:00:48,260我爱你佩妮I love you, Penny.1300:00:57,800 --> 00:00:59,600谢谢Thank you.1400:01:01,400 --> 00:01:18,500不客气You're welcome.1500:01:18,180 --> 00:01:18,180我只是不吐不快而已I just wanted to put that out there.1600:01:18,100 --> 00:01:18,420不我很高兴Oh, yeah, no, I-I'm-I'm glad.1700:01:18,430 --> 00:01:10,690那就好Good.1800:01:10,700 --> 00:01:12,530-高兴就好 -嗯- Glad is good. - Yeah.1900:01:14,160 --> 00:01:15,460没手表No, no...2000:01:17,800 --> 00:01:21,490呃...已经很晚了So, it's getting pretty late.2100:01:21,500 --> 00:01:23,490-我们差不多该睡觉吧 -对- We should probably go to sleep. - Yeah.2200:01:23,500 --> 00:01:25,990-对 -该睡了- Okay. - Yeah, probably.2300:01:26,000 --> 00:01:28,600-晚安亲爱的 -晚安- Okay, good night, sweetie. - Good night.2400:01:50,410 --> 00:01:52,310生活大爆炸第三季第十九集2500:18:18,760 --> 00:18:18,660莱纳德你对巨型蚂蚁这个问题持什么立场Hey, Leonard, where do you come down on giant ants?2600:18:18,330 --> 00:18:18,990谢尔顿说不可能有Sheldon says impossible.2700:18:10,000 --> 00:18:11,720霍华德和我都觉得不仅可能Howard and I say not only possible,2800:18:11,720 --> 00:18:15,410而且作为一种交通工具比蝙蝠战车酷多了but as a mode of transportation, way cooler than a Batmobile.2900:18:11,730 --> 00:18:15,100[蝙蝠战车：蝙蝠侠的座驾]3000:18:15,830 --> 00:18:18,480你忽视了平方/立方定律You are ignoring the square-cube law.3100:18:18,480 --> 00:18:21,860巨型蚂蚁会被自身的骨骼重量压垮The giant ant would be crushed under the weight of its own exoskeleton.3200:18:21,860 --> 00:18:23,180而且准确来说And for the record,3300:18:23,180 --> 00:18:25,720真正酷的交通工具排名应该是the appropriate ranking of cool modes of transportation is:3400:18:25,720 --> 00:18:30,250喷射背包悬滑板传送器蝙蝠战车然后才是巨型蚂蚁jet pack, hoverboard, transporter, Batmobile, and then giant ant.3500:18:25,720 --> 00:18:28,180[悬滑板引自《回到未来2》传送器引自《星际迷航》]3600:18:31,850 --> 00:18:34,180有没有搞错你们就没别的事干Seriously? You have nothing better to do00:18:34,180 --> 00:18:37,420只能坐在这里聊巨型蚂蚁存在的可能性吗than sit around and discuss the possibility of giant ants?3800:18:38,520 --> 00:18:39,820他怎么了What's with him?3900:18:39,820 --> 00:18:43,820估计他到了每月一次的敏感期了Perhaps he's at a sensitive point in his monthly cycle.4000:18:44,420 --> 00:18:48,850你是说他来大姨夫了[与Menstruating同音]Are you saying he's man-strating?4100:18:49,890 --> 00:18:52,620不是字面意义上的Not literally.4200:18:52,620 --> 00:18:55,120但早在十七世纪But as far back as the 17th century,4300:18:55,120 --> 00:18:58,790科学家就发现男性荷尔蒙水平有个33天的波动周期scientists observed a 33-day fluctuation in men's hormone levels.4400:18:58,990 --> 00:18:00,010有意思Interesting.4500:18:00,010 --> 00:18:18,380难怪我每月中旬都会两眼泪汪汪That might explain my weepy days in the middle of the month.4600:18:18,650 --> 00:18:18,750你知道我在说什么You know what I'm talking about.4700:18:18,750 --> 00:18:18,180[潜台词: 别说得这么暧昧...]4800:18:12,650 --> 00:18:15,190算了不说巨型蚂蚁Okay, forget gian t ants.4900:18:15,190 --> 00:18:16,990巨型兔子呢How about giant rabbits?5000:18:16,990 --> 00:18:20,120不管大小我都不喜欢兔子Big or small, I don't like rabbits.5100:18:20,120 --> 00:18:21,820兔子总是看似很想说话They always look like they're about to say something,5200:18:21,820 --> 00:18:23,390但从来不开口but they never do.5300:18:23,690 --> 00:18:27,520兔子倒是有呼吸系统支撑巨大的体型Rabbits do have a respiratory system that would support great size.5400:18:27,520 --> 00:18:30,180并且兔子是少数哺乳动物中And on a side note, they are one of the few mammals5500:18:30,180 --> 00:18:32,950阴囊长在阴茎前的whose scrotum is in front of the penis.5600:18:34,390 --> 00:18:37,450也许这才是他们想谈论的Maybe that's what they want to talk about.5700:18:39,180 --> 00:18:43,420莱纳德你对巨型兔子和阴囊位置持啥态度Leonard, where do you stand on giant rabbits and scrotal position?5800:18:43,720 --> 00:18:45,690我一点都不在乎I honestly don't care.5900:18:45,990 --> 00:18:46,490是吗Really?6000:18:46,490 --> 00:18:49,190每次我们谈到不寻常的动物生殖器Because every time we've talked about unusual animal genitals,6100:18:49,190 --> 00:18:52,180你总会有些有力且富争议性的观点you've always had some pretty strong and controversial opinions.6200:18:54,390 --> 00:18:56,590你想让我说什么我就是对这个没兴趣What do you want from me? I just don't give a rat's ass.6300:18:56,590 --> 00:18:59,190有没有巨型老鼠屁屁Would that be a giant rat's ass?6400:18:00,890 --> 00:18:18,160准确来说巨型老鼠是有可能存在的For the record, giant rats are possible.6500:18:18,160 --> 00:18:18,190我们能不能说点别的Can we please talk about something else?6600:18:18,190 --> 00:18:18,180比如稍微跟我们生活有关而且是地球上的东西Mayb e something vaguely related to life as we know it on this planet?6700:18:18,180 --> 00:18:11,180这个话题怎么样Okay, how about this for a topic:6800:18:11,180 --> 00:18:14,120为什么莱纳德是个大混蛋Why is Leonard being a giant douche?6900:18:15,720 --> 00:18:18,420假设大混蛋有可能存在Assuming giant douches are possible.7000:18:18,920 --> 00:18:20,160当然有Of course they are.7100:18:20,160 --> 00:18:21,520莱纳德就是一个Leonard's being one.7200:18:23,220 --> 00:18:26,190说不定他和佩妮发生了"爱爱"口角Maybe he's having a lover's spat with Penny.7300:18:26,190 --> 00:18:27,820才怪我们没吵架No, there was no spat.7400:18:27,820 --> 00:18:29,720但确实发生了点状况Oh, but something happened.7500:18:29,720 --> 00:18:31,120我不想谈这个I don't want to talk about it.7600:18:31,120 --> 00:18:34,590我觉得你想说我不想听失陪But I sense you're going to and I don't want to hear about it. Excuse me.7700:18:35,790 --> 00:18:37,560你干啥了罗密欧What'd you do, Romeo?7800:18:37,560 --> 00:18:39,590往身上倒枫蜜You pour maple syrup all over your body7900:18:39,590 --> 00:18:42,790问她有没有性致玩3Pand ask her if she was in the mood for a short stack?8000:18:46,520 --> 00:18:50,340你是不是穿她的内裤跳来跳去取悦她Did you think it would be funny to put on a pair of her panties and jump around, 8100:18:50,340 --> 00:18:52,290结果却把她吓着了but it wound up just creeping her out?8200:18:53,390 --> 00:18:55,490什么没有What? No.8300:18:55,490 --> 00:18:56,990我只是问问老兄I'm just asking, dude.8400:18:56,990 --> 00:18:59,790没准儿呢[Raj深受其害]It happens.8500:18:01,520 --> 00:18:18,960你们参加今晚的保龄球赛吗You guys still on for bowling tonight?8600:18:18,960 --> 00:18:18,760当然参加Oh, yes.8700:18:18,760 --> 00:18:18,960我还准备了几句垃圾话呢In fact, I've prepared some trash talk for the occasion.8800:18:18,160 --> 00:18:10,760你打得跟你妈一个水准You bowl like your mama.8900:18:11,290 --> 00:18:12,960不过如果她打得很好Unless, of course, she bowls well.00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:14,760那就是你打得跟你妈大相径庭In which case, you bowl nothing like her.9100:18:14,760 --> 00:18:18,120哦唉哟Oh. Ouch.9200:18:18,120 --> 00:18:22,360这就是灼烈言辞的效果That is what is referred to as a burn on you.9300:18:23,860 --> 00:18:26,120你要求她滴蜡吗Did you ask her to start waxing?9400:18:26,120 --> 00:18:27,180没有No.9500:18:27,180 --> 00:18:29,180你滴蜡了Did you start waxing?9600:18:29,180 --> 00:18:30,190没有No.9700:18:30,190 --> 00:18:31,860是不是做爱时While making love,9800:18:31,860 --> 00:18:36,360你不小心拍了自己屁股然后大声哭喊"妈咪"did you accidentally spank your own ass and cry out, "Mommy"?9900:18:43,520 --> 00:18:45,520我懒得理你们I'm walking away from you now.10000:18:45,520 --> 00:18:47,920他没否定哎That wasn't a no.10100:18:47,920 --> 00:18:50,180看来我们猜得越来越靠谱儿了Yeah, I think we're getting close.11800:18:51,920 --> 00:18:53,440你是在跟她上床的时候Did you take a Benadryl11800:18:53,440 --> 00:18:55,160吃了片苯海拉明(此药会造成昏昏欲睡)然后睡着了么and fall asleep while pleasuring her?11800:18:55,160 --> 00:18:57,590你可能会因此丢了小命儿哎Because you can die that way.11800:18:57,990 --> 00:18:01,160牡丹花下死做鬼也风流啊Oh, that would be a good way to go.11800:18:18,720 --> 00:18:18,360-嗨 -嗨- Hi. - Oh, hey.11800:18:18,360 --> 00:18:18,290太好了佩妮友情提示今晚7点保龄之夜Good, Penny. Reminder: bowling tonight at 7:00.11800:18:18,290 --> 00:18:10,290噢对保龄Oh, right, bowling.11800:18:10,290 --> 00:18:12,520你要是不想来也不用勉强You don't have to come if you don't want to.11000:18:12,520 --> 00:18:14,180不会啊没那回事儿No, no, it's okay.11100:18:14,180 --> 00:18:16,660说实话没我的话你们指定输得巨惨I mean, let's face it, you guys would get creamed without me.11200:18:16,660 --> 00:18:18,180确实We would indeed.11300:18:18,180 --> 00:18:19,460就此特殊情况来看In this particular case,11400:18:19,460 --> 00:18:22,620你纯爷们儿的气质对我们十分有利your lack of femininity works to our advantage.11500:18:24,920 --> 00:18:27,420跟你聊天总是这么开心谢尔顿It's always nice chatting with you, Sheldon.11600:18:27,420 --> 00:18:29,360是讽刺吗Sarcasm?11700:18:29,360 --> 00:18:31,360是毫不掩饰的轻视你Thinly veiled contempt.11800:18:32,160 --> 00:18:34,890-别忘了 7点 -知道啦- Remember: 7:00. - Got it.11900:18:34,890 --> 00:18:37,360-是太平洋夏令时 -咋着吧- Pacific Daylight time! - Bite me!12000:18:37,360 --> 00:18:41,420请把这纯爷们儿的气场发挥在赛场上吧Please reserve that butch spirit for the lanes.12100:18:48,420 --> 00:18:50,860你不是要带自己的保龄球鞋来吗I thought you were bringing your own bowling shoes.12200:18:50,860 --> 00:18:53,960这双就是我自己的啊These are my own bowling shoes.12300:18:54,360 --> 00:18:56,320那你还消什么毒啊Then what's with the disinfectant?12400:18:56,320 --> 00:18:58,990我脚踩过啥地方我知道I know where my feet have been.12500:18:18,180 --> 00:18:18,420嗨佩妮Hey, Penny!12600:18:18,690 --> 00:18:18,560还有各位路人And you guys.12700:18:18,690 --> 00:18:10,990阿尔比诺·鲍勃不能来了所以我带了个替补来Albino Bob couldn't make it, so I brought a substitute.12800:18:10,990 --> 00:18:15,180相信你们中有人认识他威尔·惠顿 (《星际迷航》中的演员) I believe some of you know wil Wheaton.12900:18:18,180 --> 00:18:19,860嗨谢尔顿近来如何啊Hi, Sheldon. How's it going?13000:18:19,860 --> 00:18:24,180哎哟哟这不是威尔·惠顿嘛Well, well, well. If it isn't Wil Wheaton,13100:18:24,180 --> 00:18:26,890我家蜘蛛侠的敌人绿魔the Green Goblin to my Spider-Man.13200:18:26,890 --> 00:18:28,990我家伽利略的对头教皇保罗五世the Pope Paul V to my Galileo,13300:18:28,990 --> 00:18:32,120我家火狐的对手 IE浏览器the Internet Explorer to my Firefox.13400:18:32,320 --> 00:18:36,760我上次纸牌锦标赛赢了你你不会还怀恨在心呢吧You're not still carrying a grudge because I beat you at that card tournament, are you?13500:18:36,760 --> 00:18:40,690我可是"臭威尔惠顿" 企业网站互联网站和机构网站的所有人I'm the proud owner of wilwheatonsti , .net, and .org.13600:18:40,690 --> 00:18:42,180知道这说明什么吗What does that tell you?13700:18:42,180 --> 00:18:46,160这说明你无时无刻都在想着我It tells me that I am living rent-free right here.13800:18:46,790 --> 00:18:48,320准备好比赛了么You ready to bowl?13900:18:48,320 --> 00:18:49,790当然准备好了Oh, I'm ready.14000:18:49,790 --> 00:18:52,620我不知道斯图尔特有没有告诉你今晚你的对手是谁I don't know if Stuart told you what you're up against tonight,14100:18:52,620 --> 00:18:55,160不过站在你面前的人就是but before you stands the co-captain of the14200:18:55,160 --> 00:18:59,490东德克萨斯州青年基督徒圣保龄同盟会冠军队的联盟队长East Texas Christian Youth Holy Roller Bowling League championship team.14300:18:00,290 --> 00:18:18,7207到12岁参赛组Seven- to 12-year-old division.14400:18:18,920 --> 00:18:18,220佩妮打得也不错Also, Penny's pretty good.14500:18:18,660 --> 00:18:10,720很好那放马来吧Great. Then it's on.14600:18:12,180 --> 00:18:17,180愚蠢的威尔·惠顿战火就没灭过Oh, foolish Wil Wheaton, it was never off.14700:18:19,260 --> 00:18:20,890好的Yes!14800:18:20,890 --> 00:18:23,220常见的补中A common spare.14900:18:23,220 --> 00:18:26,460保龄赛会上的"特工佳丽"The Miss Congeniality of the bowling pageant.15000:18:26,460 --> 00:18:28,180在你登陆推特Before you jump on Twitter15100:18:28,180 --> 00:18:29,990然后吹嘘自己那可以无视的成就之前to tout your modest accomplishment,15200:18:29,990 --> 00:18:32,160看看什么叫真正的高手watch how it's really done.15300:18:32,260 --> 00:18:35,180吾乃此球I am the ball.15400:18:35,520 --> 00:18:38,620吾念乃其念My thoughts are its thoughts.15500:18:38,620 --> 00:18:41,460其洞乃吾洞Its holes are my holes.15600:18:49,860 --> 00:18:50,960好的Yes.15700:18:50,960 --> 00:18:53,390推特这个吧推特鸟Tweet that, Tweety Bird.15800:18:55,180 --> 00:18:58,260我只想跟你说我是你的粉丝Hey, I just wanted to tell you i'm a big fan.15900:18:58,260 --> 00:18:59,690谢了Oh, thanks.16000:18:59,690 --> 00:18:01,820你肯定被《星际迷航》的问题问得想吐了I'm sure you're probably sick of Star Trek questions,16100:18:01,820 --> 00:18:18,180不过乌比·戈德堡你有没那个啊but Whoopi Goldberg-- you ever hit that?16200:18:18,180 --> 00:18:10,890啤酒啊Ah, beer.16300:18:10,890 --> 00:18:14,290能让这个可怜害羞的印度男孩The magic elixir that can turn this poor, shy Indian boy16400:18:14,290 --> 00:18:17,360成为耀眼人物的神奇药剂into the life of the party.16500:18:21,690 --> 00:18:23,420好耶Oh, yeah.16600:18:24,590 --> 00:18:26,520吃辣味奶酪薯条吗Chili cheese fry?16700:18:26,520 --> 00:18:29,120好啊我爱辣味奶酪薯条Yes. I love chili cheese fries.16800:18:29,120 --> 00:18:30,690真的你爱吃啊Really? You love them?16900:18:30,690 --> 00:18:31,680是啊怎么了Yeah, why?17000:18:31,680 --> 00:18:36,990没事啊只是很高兴听到你对表达爱意毫无障碍No reason. I'm just glad to hear you're comfortable saying you love something.17100:18:37,590 --> 00:18:40,180你真的想现在谈这事儿吗Do you really want to get into this right now?17200:18:40,180 --> 00:18:41,160谈啥事儿Get into what?17300:18:41,160 --> 00:18:43,260你怎么会不爱吃辣味奶酪薯条呢Why wouldn't you love the chili cheese fries?17400:18:43,260 --> 00:18:45,390这么多年你一直都在吃They've been in your life a long time.17500:18:45,390 --> 00:18:48,690它们让你心情大好它们应该知道你对它们的爱They make you happy. They deserve to know.17600:18:49,190 --> 00:18:53,540昨晚我只是被你吓到了我不知道说什么好Look, you just caught me by surprise last night. I didn't know what to say.17700:18:53,540 --> 00:18:55,690好到现在给你的思考时间够久了吧Okay, well, now you've had some time to think about it.17800:18:55,690 --> 00:18:56,960那你想说什么So, what do you want to say?17900:18:56,960 --> 00:18:58,180我不确定I'm not sure.18000:18:58,180 --> 00:18:59,260你怎么会不确定How can you not be sure?18100:18:59,260 --> 00:10:01,620在这谈论这事儿不太合适Okay, this isn't the place to have this conversation.18200:10:01,620 --> 00:10:18,460对啊合适的地方是在床上No, the place to have the conversation was in bed18300:10:18,460 --> 00:10:18,790在我说了"我爱你"after I said, "I love you"18400:10:18,790 --> 00:10:18,790你说"谢谢晚安"之后and you said, "Thank you. Good night."18500:10:18,790 --> 00:10:18,780别逼我莱纳德Don't push it, Leonard.18600:10:18,780 --> 00:10:11,860-我没逼你 -你逼我了- I am not pushing anything. - You are.18700:10:11,860 --> 00:10:15,180你没权利决定我什么时候准备好说"我爱你"You don't get to decide when I'm ready to say "I love you!"18800:10:18,820 --> 00:10:23,190原来是过早的告白问题Ah, the premature "I love you."18900:10:23,890 --> 00:10:26,190我猜的是过"早"的问题算对吗I guessed "premature." Does that count?19000:10:31,700 --> 00:10:33,200佩妮Penny.19100:10:34,400 --> 00:10:35,900佩妮Penny.19200:10:36,400 --> 00:10:38,900佩妮Penny.19300:10:40,230 --> 00:10:41,390干嘛What?19400:10:41,400 --> 00:10:43,360给你的This is for you.19500:10:44,500 --> 00:10:46,180冰淇淋Ice cream?19600:10:46,180 --> 00:10:49,190我通过研读连环画《凯西》[一部讲述女人生活的漫画]I've been familiarizing myself with female emotional crises.19700:10:49,200 --> 00:10:52,260努力想要熟悉雌性生物的感情危机by studying the comic strip Cathy.19800:10:54,760 --> 00:10:59,360她一沮丧就会说"日" 然后吃冰淇淋When she's upset, she says, "Ack!" and eats ice cream.19900:11:18,700 --> 00:11:18,630日啊Ack!20000:11:18,460 --> 00:11:10,500你要是只猫我就给你带千层面了If you were a cat, I would have brought you a lasagna.20100:11:11,730 --> 00:11:14,160是莱纳德让你来的吗Did Leonard send you over here?21800:11:14,160 --> 00:11:17,880不自从你昨晚突然离开我们还没说过话No, we haven't spoken since your abrupt departure last night21800:11:17,880 --> 00:11:21,560害得我们昨天输给斯图尔特和他那卑鄙的参赛者威尔·惠顿caused us to forfeit to Stuart and his dastardly ringer Wil Wheaton. 21800:11:21,560 --> 00:11:23,870为此我很抱歉Yeah, I'm sorry about that.21800:11:23,870 --> 00:11:26,520我毫不自豪地承认昨天我是哭着睡着的I'm not too proud to admit that I cried myself to sleep.21800:11:27,360 --> 00:11:29,300再次说声抱歉Again, I'm sorry.21800:11:29,300 --> 00:11:30,720让我来告诉你吧And let me tell you, sleep did not21800:11:30,730 --> 00:11:32,790有莱纳德在隔壁嘶吼摇滚歌手莫莉莎的歌come easily with Leonard in the next room21800:11:32,800 --> 00:11:36,180你就很难睡着了singing along with Alanis Morrisette.21000:11:37,530 --> 00:11:38,790你开玩笑吧You're kidding.21100:11:38,800 --> 00:11:41,900不很显然某位来大姨夫的也急需冰淇淋来解闷No. Clearly another woman in dire need of ice cream.21200:11:42,630 --> 00:11:45,750好吧谢尔顿有没有什么安慰点的消息All right, Sheldon, what part of this is supposed to make me feel better?21300:11:45,760 --> 00:11:48,820关于这一点我自行决定了来一场复赛The part where I tell you i've engineered a rematch21400:11:48,830 --> 00:11:51,120今晚重新对战斯图尔特他们with Stuart's team for tonight.21500:11:51,130 --> 00:11:53,180亲爱的我不知道Oh, honey, I don't know.21600:11:53,180 --> 00:11:55,260现在和莱纳德在一起感觉怪怪的Things are a little weird with Leonard right now.21700:11:55,260 --> 00:11:57,420你想让我把他踢出去吗You want me to remove him from the team?21800:11:57,430 --> 00:11:59,220我是队长我说了算I'm the captain. I can do that.21900:11:59,230 --> 00:12:01,850不没关系No, no, that's okay.22000:12:01,860 --> 00:12:18,420我去和他谈谈回来再找你吧Just let me talk to him, and I'll get back to you.22100:12:18,430 --> 00:12:18,150你准备什么时候找他谈When are you going to talk to him?22200:12:18,160 --> 00:12:18,450不知道I don't know.22300:12:18,460 --> 00:12:11,750他在洗衣房现在去正好He's in the laundry room now. Now would be a good time.22400:12:11,760 --> 00:12:14,950我不去你就一直烦我烦到死对吧You're n gonna leave me alone until I do it, are you?22500:12:14,960 --> 00:12:18,600哎呀这还用问吗Oh, I think we both know the answer to that question.22600:12:24,230 --> 00:12:26,180我觉得我们应该谈谈I think we should talk now.22700:12:26,180 --> 00:12:28,720什么不没事Wha...? No, it's okay.22800:12:28,730 --> 00:12:31,320我们不用谈也没什么可谈We don't have to talk 'cause there's nothing to talk about.22900:12:31,330 --> 00:12:32,350一切都好Everything's good.23000:12:32,360 --> 00:12:33,550真的吗Really?23100:12:33,560 --> 00:12:35,180那你生气不是因为So, you didn't get all snarky23200:12:35,100 --> 00:12:38,420我对一碗辣味薯条说了句好话'cause I said something nice to a bowl of chili fries?23300:12:38,430 --> 00:12:41,520好吧也许我反应过激了All right, maybe I overreacted.23400:12:41,530 --> 00:12:44,950我们俩感情上不太同步那又如何So we're in two different places emotionally. So what?23500:12:44,960 --> 00:12:47,920或许我比你快了一点没关系And maybe I'm a little ahead of you. That's fine.23600:12:47,930 --> 00:12:50,720其实很合理面对现实In fact, it makes sense, 'cause let's face it,23700:12:50,730 --> 00:12:54,000我爱你比你爱我多了整整两年I've been in this relationship two years longer than you.23800:12:55,700 --> 00:12:58,950莱纳德你要知道我很在乎你Look, Leonard, you have to know how much I care about you.23900:12:58,960 --> 00:13:00,850可我以前就是太早说"爱你"It's just that I've said the "L" word24000:13:00,860 --> 00:13:18,120结果都不欢而散too soon before, and it didn't work out very well.24100:13:18,130 --> 00:13:18,750是吗Really?24200:13:18,760 --> 00:13:18,320不知道那是什么情形I wouldn't know what that's like.24300:13:18,330 --> 00:13:18,650对不起I'm sorry.24400:13:18,660 --> 00:13:10,620但你明白我的意思You know what I'm talking about, though.24500:13:10,630 --> 00:13:11,590我明白Yeah, I do.24600:13:11,600 --> 00:13:14,180我们和好了吗So, we're good?24700:13:14,180 --> 00:13:16,620对我就是这个意思Yes, that's what I'm telling you.24800:13:16,630 --> 00:13:18,850我们很好好得不得了We are good. We are great.24900:13:18,860 --> 00:13:20,950太好了栅栏已补误会已清All right! Fence mended, problem swept under the rug.25000:13:20,960 --> 00:13:23,400去打保龄球吧Time to bowl!25100:13:24,760 --> 00:13:25,890对我刚刚在偷听Yes, I was eavesdropping.25200:13:25,900 --> 00:13:28,180因为赌注太大了There's a lot at stake here.25300:13:30,530 --> 00:13:32,290注意选手们Attention, all bowlers:25400:13:32,300 --> 00:13:36,100我强制要求穿这个参加我们的复赛I've taken the liberty of having these made for our rematch.25500:13:38,100 --> 00:13:39,250"卫斯理·柯洛夏斯""The Wesley Crushers"?25600:13:39,260 --> 00:13:40,650不是指卫斯理·柯洛夏斯No, not The Wesley Crushers.25700:13:40,660 --> 00:13:42,890而是卫斯理碾碎者The Wesley Crushers.25800:13:42,900 --> 00:13:44,180我不明白I don't get it.25900:13:44,180 --> 00:13:45,250卫斯理·柯洛夏是Wesley Crusher was26000:13:45,260 --> 00:13:48,120威尔·惠顿在《星际迷航》里扮演的角色Wil Wheaton's character on Star Trek.26100:13:48,130 --> 00:13:49,350还是不明白Still don't get it.26200:13:49,360 --> 00:13:51,720这是个极其巧妙的双关语It's a blindingly clever play on words.26300:13:51,730 --> 00:13:54,390在他所饰演的角色名后面加个复数By appropriating his character's name and adding the S,26400:13:54,400 --> 00:13:59,360暗示着我们将是彻底终结卫斯理的人we imply that we we'll be the crushers of Wesley.26500:14:00,400 --> 00:14:01,650好吧抱歉亲爱的Okay, I'm sorry, honey,26600:14:01,660 --> 00:14:18,920但你这样写看起来就好像有好多粉丝but The Wesley Crushers sounds like a bunch of people26700:14:18,930 --> 00:14:18,180喜欢卫斯理·柯洛夏who like Wesley Crusher.26800:14:18,100 --> 00:14:18,290不再次强调不是卫斯理·柯洛夏粉丝群No! Again, it's not the Wesley Crushers.26900:14:18,300 --> 00:14:10,160而是卫斯理·柯洛夏终结者It's the Wesley Crushers.27000:14:10,930 --> 00:14:14,590如果你想表示你将彻底打败卫斯理No, if you want it to mean you're crushing Wesley,27100:14:14,600 --> 00:14:16,690就该直接写打倒卫斯理·柯洛夏it'd be the Wesley Crushers.27200:14:16,700 --> 00:14:18,120听听你们说的什么胡话Do you people even hear yourselves?27300:14:18,130 --> 00:14:19,790这不是什么卫斯理·柯洛夏斯It's not The Wesley Crushers.27400:14:19,800 --> 00:14:21,120也不是卫斯理粉丝群It's not The Wesley Crushers.27500:14:21,130 --> 00:14:23,650而是卫斯理终结者It's The Wesley Crushers.27600:14:23,660 --> 00:14:24,750看哪Hey, look.27700:14:24,760 --> 00:14:26,930他们那队是以我名字命名的They named their team after me.27800:14:27,700 --> 00:14:29,150不这才不是...No, it's not the...27900:14:29,160 --> 00:14:31,130算了Never mind.28000:14:33,100 --> 00:14:37,120好了都清楚打赌内容和赌注了So, we're all clear on the bet and the stakes?28100:14:37,130 --> 00:14:39,890当然输的一方将接受公开羞辱Oh, yes. The losers will be publicly humiliated28200:14:39,900 --> 00:14:42,150具体方式由胜者选定in a fashion to be chosen by the victor.28300:14:42,160 --> 00:14:46,180告诉你我准备让你们发表篇科学论文FYI: I plan on having you publish a scientific paper28400:14:46,180 --> 00:14:46,180指Immanuel Velikovsky关于金星大气的假设28500:14:46,180 --> 00:14:49,930详细说明维利科夫斯基那荒谬的假设expounding the discredited Velikovsky hypothesis.28600:14:50,460 --> 00:14:53,260再次唉哟Ouch again.28700:14:54,200 --> 00:14:56,230你好谢尔顿Hey, Sheldon,28800:14:56,930 --> 00:14:58,390我只想告诉你I just wanted you to know28900:14:58,400 --> 00:15:00,420我热切期盼着打得你一败涂地that I'm really looking forward to wiping the floor with you.29000:15:00,430 --> 00:15:01,690真的吗Oh, yes?29100:15:01,700 --> 00:15:18,320回应你之前我先问你个问题Well, before I respond, let me a you a question.29200:15:18,330 --> 00:15:18,660。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E23 – The Lunar ExcitationScene: On the roof of the apartment building.Leonard: Okay, we’ve got power to the laser.Sheldon: I should’ve brought an umbrella.Leonard: What for? It’s not going to rain.Sheldon: I know that, but with skin as fair as mine, moon burn is a real possibility.Howard: That’s a bazinga, right?Sheldon: One of my best, don’t you think?Leonard: Howard, do you want to double-check the equatorial mount on the laser? We need it locked onto the Sea of Tranquility.Howard: You got it. Oh, Raj, no. Billions of dollars have gone into inventing the Internet and filling it with pictures of naked women, so we don’t have to peep through windows.Raj: It’s not like that, I’m watching someone’s TV. The Good Wife is on. I tell you, this is my new Grey’s Anatomy.Sheldon: Leonard, Leonard. What is that? What is that?Leonard: Relax, it’s just a dirty sock.Sheldon: How on earth can you say dirty sock and relax in the same sentence?Leonard: Sheldon, the world is filled with dirty discarded socks.Sheldon: Not my world.Leonard: Hey, you know who’d really dig seeing this experiment? Penny.Sheldon: I wasn’t aware that lunar ranging was her thing. Although, I suppose the retro-reflector left on the moon by Neil Armstrong does qualify as a shiny object.Raj: Why don’t you ask her to come up?Leonard: I don’t know, it’s still a little weird since, you know…Howard: She dumped you?Leonard: She didn’t dump me. We were just in different places in the relationship.Sheldon: I fail to see how a relationship can have the qualities of a geographic location.Howard: Oh, it’s very simple. Leonard was living in a little town called please don’t leave me, while Penny had just moved to the island of bye-bye.Leonard: Screw you guys. I’m gonna go see if she’s home.Howard: If it’s not too much trouble, I’d like to point this at the moon now.Raj: Wait a second, the good wife is crying. Something’s very wrong.Credits sequence.Scene: Penny’s door.Penny: Oh, hi. What’s going on?Leonard: We’re up on the roof bouncing laser beams off the moon.Penny: I’m sorry, what?Leonard: It’s pretty cool. We’ve got a two-meter parabolic reflector and everything. I thought you might want to see it.Man in Penny’s Apartment: That makes no sense.Penny: Um…Man: How can you bounce stuff off the moon? There’s no gravity.Penny: Uh, Leonard, this is Zack. Zack, Leonard.Zack: Hey.Leonard: Oh, sorry, I didn’t know you were busy. Maybe another time.Penny: Yeah, maybe.Zack: Hey, I want to see this laser thing.Penny: Oh, but what about the party?Zack: It’s a surprise party, doesn’t matter when we get there.Penny: Oh, right.Leonard: Okay, well, yeah, come on up. So, how’d you two guys meet?Zack: My company designs the menus for the Cheesecake Factory.Leonard: Your company?Zack: Well,, my dad, but me and my sister are VPs.Leonard: So, menus.Zack: I know it sounds easy but there’s a lot of science that goes in designing them.Scene: The roof.Howard: Happy now? I’m moving the dirty sock.Sheldon: Thank you. Raj, keep an eye out for the other one.Penny: Hey, guys, this is my friend Zack.Zack: Hey.Sheldon: Hello.Zack: Whoa! Is that the laser? It’s bitchin’.Sheldon: Yes. In 1917, when Albert Einstein established the theoretic foundation for the laser in his paper Zur Quantentheorie der Strahlung, his fondest hope was that the resultant device be bitchin’.Zack: Well, mission accomplished.Leonard: Let me explain what we’re doing here. Um, in 1969, the astronauts on Apollo 11 positioned reflectors on t he surface of the moon, and we’re going to shoot a laser off one of them and let the light bounce back into this photomultiplier.Penny: Oh! That’s very cool.Zack: One question. How can you be sure it won’t blow up?Leonard: The laser?Zack: The moon.Sheldon: See, now this is a man for Penny.Leonard: Uh, that’s a great question, Zack.Sheldon: No, it’s not.Penny: Sheldon! Play nice.Sheldon: Well it’s not a great question. How could somebody possibly think we’re going to blow up the moon? That’s a great question.Leonard: Don’t worry about the moon. We, we set our laser to stun.Zack: Smart.Leonard: Now, we’ll be able to see the beam when it leaves, but it won’t be strong enough when it comes back to be seen by the naked eye.Zack: Naked.Leonard: Right. Uh yeah, funny. Uh, that device there will measure the photons that return and let us see it on this computer. Raj, get them some glasses.Zack: Cool, it’s gonna be in 3-D?Howard: Preparing to fire laser at the moon.Sheldon: Make it so.Howard: There i t is. There’s the spike!Leonard: 2.5 seconds for the light to return. That’s the moon! We hit the moon!Zack: That’s your big experiment? All that for a line on the screen?Leonard: Yeah, but, uh, think about what this represents. The fact that we can do this is the only way of definitively proving that there are man-made objects on the moon, put there by a member of a species that only 60 years before had just invented the airplane.Zack: What species is that?Sheldon: I was wrong. Penny can do better.Penny: Okay, guys, thank you, it’s been fun.Zack: Yeah, thanks. Should we invite them to the party?Penny: No, just keep walking.Sheldon: He must be very skilled at coitus.Scene: The apartment.Raj: I’m telling you, dude, the only way to feel better abo ut Penny going out with other guys is for you to get back on the whores.Howard: Horse.Raj: What?Howard: The phrase is get back on the horse, not whores.Raj: That’s disgusting, dude.Howard: No, it’s not… Never mind. He is right, though. If you want, I can turn you on to this great new dating site I found.Leonard: No, thanks.Howard: You sure? They say they can find a match for anybody.Leonard: Have they found a match for you?Howard: Tons. I’ve had, like, eight dates in the last month. And twelve if y ou count the ones who showed up and left.Sheldon: I can’t bring the nitrogen tank down.Leonard: Why not?Sheldon: All right, let me restate that. It’s very heavy, and I don’t want to.Leonard: I’ll help you.Sheldon: Thank you. Lift with your knees, not your back. Good night.Raj: You know what would be fun? Signing Sheldon up for online dating.Howard: Yeah, right.Raj: No, think about it. We make it an experiment. Like when Frankenstein’s monster was lonely and he found a wife.Howard: He didn’t find a wife. They built him a wife out of dead body parts.Raj: Okay, we’ll call that plan B.Scene: The apartment. It is night and the lights are off. Knocking.Leonard: Coming!Penny: Damn you, you rat bastard.Leonard: Are you drunk?Penny: Zack was a perfectly nice guy, and then you ruined him!Leonard: How did I ruin him?Penny: ‘Cause in the olden days, I never would’ve known he was so stupid.Leonard: Come on, he wasn’t that stupid.Penny: Yes, he was! He thought you were gonna blow up the moon!Leonard: O kay, yeah, he’s stupid.Penny: He spent the entire night bragging about how he invented the word appe-teasers.Leonard: How is that my fault?Penny: You have destroyed my ability to tolerate idiots. Now, come with me.Leonard: Where are we going?Penny: We’re gonna have sex.Leonard: Why? I mean, okay.Sheldon: What’s going on?Penny: Put on your noise-cancelling headphones, ’cause it’s gonna get loud.Sheldon: Oh! Not this again.Scene: The next morning.Sheldon: In what universe is this low-pulp? Good morning, Penny.Penny: What, do you have eyes in the back of your head?Sheldon: When one gets beaten up every other day in school, one of necessity develops a keen sense of hearing. Incidentally, one can get beaten up in school simply by referring to onesel f as one. I’m making English muffins. Would you like an English muffin?Penny: Oh, thanks, I’m not hungry.Sheldon: FYI, my noise-cancelling headphones proved ineffective last night.Penny: Yeah, sorry about that.Sheldon: As a native Texan, I must say I’v e never heard the phrase yee-haw used in quite that context. Penny: Oh, God.Sheldon: Oh, God. That I’ve heard on multiple occasions. In what universe is that lightly toasted? This has to be the worst day of my life. Good morning, Leonard.Leonard: How many times have I asked you not to do that?Sheldon: Counting this instance? 317.Leonard: Where’s Penny?Sheldon: She returned to her apartment. I presume to shower and vomit. Not necessarily in that order. Leonard: I wonder why she didn’t say good-bye.Sheldon: Are you expecting me to offer an explanation of human behaviour?Leonard: I know. I just thought as an outsider, you might be able to provide a fresh perspective. Sheldon: I have no difficulty believing you’re not butter.Scene: Penny’s door.Leonard: Oh, hey.Penny: Oh, hi. Um, I gotta run. Early shift.Leonard: Okay, I’ll walk down with you. So, last night was fun, huh?Penny: Yeah, it must have been. I just threw up in my closet.Leonard: Bummer. Anyway, I was thinking tonight maybe we could catch a movie.Penny: Oh, yeah, tonight’s not great for me.Leonard: Doesn’t have to be tonight. I’m free pretty much always.Penny: Leonard, last night was a mistake.Leonard: When you say mistake, do you mean a fortunate mistake, like the discovery of penicillin? Penny: Look, I’m sorry. I was drunk, I was lonely, I hated Zack. Can we just forget it ever happened? Leonard: No, it’s pretty well imprinted on my brain. Especially the whole rodeo thing.Penny: Oh, God!Leonard: So, that’s it? Wham, bam, thank you, L eonard?Penny: Look, I said I’m sorry. Can’t u please let it go?Leonard: How am I supposed to let it go? You used me for sex! Morning, Mrs. Gunderson.Mrs Gunderson: Good morning, Leonard. Or should I say yee-haw?Scene: The apartment.Raj: Holy crap.Howard: What?Raj: We finally have proof that aliens walk among us.Howard: Excuse me?Raj: The dating site matched a woman with Sheldon.Howard: You’re kidding. An actual woman?Raj: Yeah, look. Breasts and everything.Howard: Trust me, breasts doesn’t nec essarily mean woman.Raj: Since when?Howard: I’ll show you a picture of my Uncle Louie in a bathing suit sometime. Leonard, you gotta see this, we found a match for Sheldon.Leonard: Great. Maybe she can have sex with him, and then walk out on him the next morning without so much as a how do you do?Raj: Do you know what he’s talking about?Howard: Nope. Why don’t you ask him?Raj: Leonard, what are you talking about?Leonard: I don’t want to talk about it.Raj: That was a lousy suggestion.Howard: Whatever. Right now, Dr. Sheldon Cooper has to send an e-mail to his perfect match. Greetings, fellow life-form…Scene: A building corridor.Leonard: If she can do it, I can do it. If she can do it, I can do it. If she can do it, I can do it. (Knocks on door) I can’t do it.Leslie Winkle: Hello?Leonard: Oh, hi. Hey. Hi, Leslie.Leslie: Leonard Hofstadter. What’re you doing here?Leonard: Uh, I know! It’s been a while!Leslie: Yeah, 18 months.Leonard: Right. Right. So how you doing?Leslie: Fine. You?Leonard: U h, not bad. You remember when we used to have sex and you said that it didn’t mean anything, it was just for fun?Leslie: Yeah.Leonard: Uh, do you, uh, want to do that again?Leslie: What happened? Blondie dumped you?Leonard: She didn’t dump me. We were just in different places in the relationship.Leslie: Right.Leonard: Um, anyway, apparently, it’s okay to go back to people you’re no longer seeing and have recreational sex with them.Leslie: Uh-huh.Leonard: So, what do you say?Leslie: Let me think about it. (Slams door.)Leonard: She’s not coming back.Scene: The apartment.Raj: Uh-oh. She wants to meet us.Howard: Not us. Him.Raj: Yes, but him doesn’t even know about her.Howard: Well, him about to find out about her.Raj: Really? Us gonna tell him?Sheldon: Who’s going to tell whom about what?Howard: Sheldon. Hey.Raj: Hi.Sheldon: Your surprise confuses me. I live here.Howard: Right. So, listen, what are you doing tomorrow afternoon?Sheldon: Be more specific.Howard: Four thirty.Sheldon: That’s not afternoon. That’s preevning.Howard: What?Sheldon: It’s a time of day I invented. It better defines the ambiguous period between afternoon and evening. Preevning. I’m fairly certain it will catch on as it fills a desperate need.Raj: Right, okay. What are you doing tomorrow preevning?Sheldon: Well, tomorrow’s Saturday. Saturday night is laundry night, so I’ll be spending the preevning pre-sorting and pre-soaking.Howard: Okay, what if I were to tell you, tomorrow, at 4:30 you could meet a woman who has been scientifically chosen to be your perfect mate?Sheldon: I would snort in derision and throw my arms in the air, exhausted by your constant tomfoolery. Raj: But it’s true. But we-we put all your vital information into this dating site, answered all their questions just like you would, and they found a match for you. Her name is Amy Farrah Fowler.Sheldon: Please. Even assuming you could answer any question the way I would, the algorithms used by matchmaking sites are complete hokum.Howard: And that’s exactly the answer we gave to the question, what is your attitude towards online dating”Raj: Howard wanted to write mumbo jumbo, but I said no, our Sheldon would say hokum.Howard: Well, come on, where’s your scientific curiosity?Sheldon: Well, most o f it is being applied to unravelling the secrets of the universe while the rest of it’s wondering why I’m having this conversation with you.Raj: Okay, how about this. Even Spock had a date once every seven years.Sheldon: He didn’t date. It was pon farr. His blood boiled with mating lust.Howard: Okay, well, why don’t you start with a cup of coffee, and you can pon farr Amy Farrah Fowler later.Sheldon: I don’t drink coffee.Howard: All right, you can have a hot chocolate.Sheldon: As I will not be engaging in this nonsense, my choice of beverage is moot. But for the record, I only drink hot chocolate in months with an R in them.Howard: Why?Sheldon: What’s life without whimsy?Howard: Okay, I’m out.Raj: Sheldon, I’ve hidden the dirty sock from the roof s omewhere in your apartment. Unless you are willing to come with us to meet this girl, it will remain there forever.Sheldon: You’re bluffing.Raj: Are you willing to risk it?Sheldon: Curse youScene: The hallway. Leonard is finishing off a bottle of spirits. He opens the lift and drops the bottle inside.Leonard: Thirty feet.Penny: Oh. Hey, Leonard.Leonard: I was a perfectly happy, geeky, little lonely guy, and you ruined me!Penny: Are you drunk?Leonard: Come on. We’re gonna have sex, and it’s not gon na mean a thing!Penny: Are you out of your mind?!Leonard: I’m really starting to think there’s a double standard here.Scene: A coffee shop.Sheldon: In a few minutes, when I gloat over the failure of this enterprise, how would you prefer I do it? The standard I told you so? The classic neener-neener? Or just my normal look of haughty derision? Raj: You don’t know we’re wrong yet.Sheldon: Haughty derision it is.Amy: Excuse me. I’m Amy Farrah Fowler. You’re Sheldon Cooper.Sheldon: Hello, Amy Farrah Fow ler. I’m sorry to inform you that you have been taken in by unsupportable mathematics designed to prey on the gullible and the lonely. Additionally, I’m being blackmailed with a hidden dirty sock.Amy: If that was slang, I’m unfamiliar with it. If it was l iteral, I share your aversion to soiled hosiery. In any case, I’m here because my mother and I have agreed that I will date at least once a year.Sheldon: Interesting. My mother and I have the same agreement about church.Amy: I don’t object to the concept of a deity, but I’m baffled by the notion of one that takes attendance. Sheldon: Well, then you might want to avoid East Texas.Amy: Noted. Now, before this goes any further, you should know that all forms of physical contact up to and including coitus are off the table.Sheldon: May I buy you a beverage?Amy: Tepid water, please.Howard: Good God, what have we done?。

生活大爆炸第3季中英字幕300:03:17,210 --> 00:03:18,810生活大爆炸第三季第三集200:00:01,380 --> 00:00:04,720今晚我要出去心情大好I'm going out tonight, I'm feelin' alright300:00:04,810 --> 00:00:08,800我要好好爽一下Gonna let it all hang out400:00:09,050 --> 00:00:12,840放声歌唱升三个八度Wanna make some noise, really raise my voice500:00:13,010 --> 00:00:16,880耶我要大唱大叫Yeah, I wanna scream and shout600:00:16,880 --> 00:00:20,420滴滴啦啦De-de-de, de-de-de-de-de, uh700:00:20,630 --> 00:00:24,130不早安谢尔顿和我一起跳舞吧No.. Morning, Sheldon. Come dance with me.800:00:25,900 --> 00:00:27,370不要No.900:00:27,430 --> 00:00:29,940干嘛不要Why not?1000:00:29,990 --> 00:00:32,440佩妮我支持"多个世界"理论Penny, while I subscribe to1100:00:32,510 --> 00:00:34,940这个理论表明The "many worlds" theory which pots the existence1200:00:34,990 --> 00:00:36,540在无限个宇宙中存在着Of an infinite number of sheldons1300:00:36,610 --> 00:00:38,210无限个谢尔顿In an infinite number of universes,1400:00:38,280 --> 00:00:41,630我向你保证其中没一个"我"是在跳舞的I assure you that in none of them am I dancing.1500:00:42,220 --> 00:00:45,950那这些"你"里有没有幽默一点的Are you fun in any of them?1600:00:46,020 --> 00:00:46,870根据推算The math would suggest1700:00:46,950 --> 00:00:49,640其中有几个"我"是糖娃娃That in a few I'm a clown made of candy.1800:00:50,940 --> 00:00:52,600但是绝不跳舞But I don't dance.1900:00:53,450 --> 00:00:54,880行吧来点法式吐司不Alright, want some French toast?2000:00:54,910 --> 00:00:56,980今天是燕麦粥日It's oatmeal day.2100:00:57,050 --> 00:01:01,450这样吧下个法式吐司日我给你煮燕麦粥Tell you what, next French toast day, I'll make you oatmeal.2200:01:01,520 --> 00:01:05,150神啊你还要在这赖到法式吐司日啊Dear lord, are you still going to be here on French toast day?2300:01:09,330 --> 00:01:10,580早啊Morning.2400:01:10,610 --> 00:01:11,560莱纳德你看啊Look, Leonard,2500:01:11,610 --> 00:01:13,500佩妮烤了法式吐司Penny made French toast.2600:01:13,560 --> 00:01:15,900抱歉我还没给她你的用餐日程表Sorry I haven't given her your schedule yet.2700:01:15,950 --> 00:01:17,530那是个iCal[Apple电子日程表]下载啊It's an iCal download.2800:01:17,580 --> 00:01:19,270她可以直接下到手机里的She can put it right in her phone.2900:01:19,340 --> 00:01:20,990而且我想咱们说好了的And I thought we agreed3000:01:21,010 --> 00:01:23,590你们只在她那儿行房事That you'd have your conjugal visits in her apartment.3100:01:23,670 --> 00:01:26,510是说好了但是现在是特殊情况We did, but there were extenuating circumstances.3200:01:26,590 --> 00:01:27,580我明白了I see.3300:01:27,630 --> 00:01:29,040她浑身的傻气Did her abysmal housekeeping skills3400:01:29,100 --> 00:01:30,880终于被她那盖世的家务活能力打压下去了是吗Finally trump her perkiness?3500:01:32,220 --> 00:01:37,090不是她的床有点散架了No, her bed kind of... Broke.3600:01:37,150 --> 00:01:39,420这是不太可能的That doesn't seem likely.3700:01:39,490 --> 00:01:41,740她的床的构造很结实Her bed's of sturdy construction.3800:01:41,810 --> 00:01:42,630就算多承重一个Even the addition of a second3900:01:42,680 --> 00:01:45,310正常体型的人类也不会引致其床架松动的Normal size human being wouldn't cause a structural failure,4000:01:45,400 --> 00:01:47,950更别提像你这样的小雏形人了Much less a homunculus such as yourself.4100:01:49,270 --> 00:01:50,620小雏形人A homunculus?4200:01:50,700 --> 00:01:54,040功能健全的迷你型人类Perfectly formed miniature human being.4300:01:54,120 --> 00:01:58,440你这我的小宝贝雏形人Oh, you're my little homunculus.4400:01:58,510 --> 00:02:00,010别这样Don't do that.00:02:00,580 --> 00:02:03,220抱歉好啦谁要普通糖浆谁要肉桂糖浆呀Sorry. Okay, who wants syrup and who wants cinnamon sugar?4600:02:03,220 --> 00:02:04,400我要燕麦粥I want oatmeal.4700:02:04,470 --> 00:02:05,570行啊Yes, well4800:02:05,600 --> 00:02:08,280我想要个室友不是大混蛋的男朋友I want a boyfriend whose roommate isn't a giant pain in the ass.4900:02:08,750 --> 00:02:11,080这个愿望很快就能实现了I'm sure that will happen soon enough.5000:02:11,770 --> 00:02:14,590但我还是要燕麦粥But in the meantime, I still want oatmeal.5100:02:15,160 --> 00:02:16,790得了我投降You know what, I give up.5200:02:16,860 --> 00:02:17,990怎么会有他这种人He's impossible.5300:02:17,990 --> 00:02:20,850怎么会没有我就是存在的I can't be impossible, I exist.5400:02:20,910 --> 00:02:22,700我相信你想说的是I believe what you meant to say is,5500:02:22,750 --> 00:02:25,230"我投降这种人几乎是不存在的""I give up, he's improbable."5600:02:30,810 --> 00:02:32,890谢尔顿你真得换个方式Sheldon, you really need to find a better way5700:02:32,980 --> 00:02:34,140和佩妮相处了Of dealing with penny.5800:02:34,140 --> 00:02:35,380那我该怎么做What am I supposed to do--5900:02:35,450 --> 00:02:37,180在礼拜一吃法式吐司吗Eat french toast on a Monday?6000:02:37,230 --> 00:02:39,880这种情况才是不存在的Now, that would be impossible.6100:02:40,450 --> 00:02:42,570我只是说你想抓苍蝇的话得用蜂蜜I'm just saying, you can catch more flies with honey6200:02:42,600 --> 00:02:43,770而不是醋Than with vinegar.6300:02:43,840 --> 00:02:45,890你用粪粪还能抓更多呢You can catch even more flies with manure.6400:02:45,960 --> 00:02:47,260你到底想说什么What's your point?6500:02:47,320 --> 00:02:48,890这个...It's a...6600:02:53,280 --> 00:02:55,700天还挺香的呢Boy, that does smell good.6700:02:55,770 --> 00:02:57,150太遗憾了今儿就是礼拜一Too bad it's Monday.6800:03:25,510 --> 00:03:28,220我们经理基姆去休产假了Okay, Kim the night manager went on maternity leave6900:03:28,310 --> 00:03:29,940她老公叫桑迪And her husband's name is Sandy, right?7000:03:30,010 --> 00:03:31,210然后So get this--7100:03:31,280 --> 00:03:33,500顶她班的是一个叫桑迪的女人Her replacement is a woman named Sandy7200:03:33,560 --> 00:03:35,870而她老公叫基姆Whose husband's name is Kim.7300:03:39,020 --> 00:03:41,290-哇啊 -是啊- Wow! - I know!7400:03:41,350 --> 00:03:43,150这什么概率哦What are the odds?7500:03:43,160 --> 00:03:44,210很好算嘛Easily calculable.7600:03:44,290 --> 00:03:46,130先找到几对双方都取中性名字的We begin by identifying a set of married couples7700:03:46,190 --> 00:03:47,530已婚夫妇With unisex names.7800:03:47,580 --> 00:03:48,910然后剔除那些不适合We then eliminate those unqualified7900:03:49,000 --> 00:03:49,630从事餐饮工作的For restaurant work--8000:03:49,700 --> 00:03:52,230比如说年老的坐牢的残疾的The aged, the imprisoned and the limbless, for example,8100:03:52,230 --> 00:03:54,420-再然后就 -谢尔顿- Next we look at... - Sheldon--8200:03:54,500 --> 00:03:56,090这是一个奇妙的巧合It's an amazing coincidence.8300:03:56,170 --> 00:03:57,640就这样了行吗Can we leave it at that?8400:03:57,710 --> 00:04:00,840对不起I'm sorry.8500:04:01,010 --> 00:04:05,340喔佩妮你们奶酪蛋糕工厂就好像是巫婆们开的Ooh, Penny. It's as if the cheese-cake factory is run by witches.8600:04:08,450 --> 00:04:12,420喔谢尔顿别以为我不会揍你Ooh, Sheldon, it's as if you don't think I'll punch you.8700:04:13,490 --> 00:04:15,860行啦你俩别吵了Come on, you guys, let it go.8800:04:15,910 --> 00:04:17,040哼随便吧Fine, whatever.00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:19,530你吃完了吗Are you finished?9000:04:19,580 --> 00:04:20,990谢了Well, thank you.9100:04:21,050 --> 00:04:22,910多么体贴How thoughtful.9200:04:23,000 --> 00:04:24,910你要吃巧克力吗Would you like a chocolate?9300:04:25,000 --> 00:04:26,880好啊Um, yeah, sure.9400:04:29,790 --> 00:04:31,590多谢啦Thanks.9500:04:33,010 --> 00:04:35,940这算什么What was that?9600:04:36,010 --> 00:04:38,730你让我对佩妮好点的You said be nice to Penny.9700:04:38,810 --> 00:04:40,510我觉得给别人喂巧克力I believe offering chocolate to someone9800:04:40,560 --> 00:04:42,780能够符合"好"的定义Falls within the definition of nice.9900:04:42,850 --> 00:04:44,200没错It does.10000:04:44,270 --> 00:04:46,870但就我观察你这人不符合But in my experience, you don't.10100:04:46,940 --> 00:04:50,490何瑞修宇宙间无奇不有There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,10200:04:50,560 --> 00:04:52,480不是你的哲学全能梦想得到的[<哈姆雷特>第一幕;第五景]Than are dreamt of in your philosophy10300:04:52,540 --> 00:04:54,230这才是你嘛Now that's you10400:04:54,280 --> 00:04:56,450讨厌而且让人难以忍受Obnoxious and insufferable.10500:05:02,840 --> 00:05:05,590日居者们你们好啊What's going on, day dwellers?10600:05:05,660 --> 00:05:10,540KISS[美重金属乐队]粉丝团也废除了"不许问不许说"[美军处理同性恋旧政策]吗Oh, man, did the kiss army repeal "don't ask, don't tell"?10700:05:10,610 --> 00:05:11,750不是No.10800:05:11,800 --> 00:05:14,910我和拉杰要去好莱坞的哥特夜总会Raj and I are going to a goth club in Hollywood10900:05:14,970 --> 00:05:16,950和夜猫子一起玩儿To hang with the night people.11000:05:17,970 --> 00:05:19,350有人想一起去吗Anyb ody want to come along?11100:05:19,420 --> 00:05:21,960你真要这样上街吗Oh, wow, you're actually going out like that?11200:05:22,020 --> 00:05:23,510不不No, no.11300:05:23,590 --> 00:05:25,310我要这样上街I'm going out like this...11400:05:27,530 --> 00:05:29,480霍华德你做了些什么Howard, what did you do?11500:05:29,560 --> 00:05:31,010这叫纹身袖They're called tattoo sleeves.11600:05:31,080 --> 00:05:32,130看Look.11700:05:34,190 --> 00:05:35,440我在网上买的拉杰也买了一身I go them online! Raj got a set, too..11800:05:39,640 --> 00:05:40,820帅死了是吧Fantastic, right?11900:05:40,910 --> 00:05:43,030穿上它就能和前卫女孩Put them on, have hot sex with some freaky girl12000:05:43,110 --> 00:05:45,030发生韵事脱下他With her business pierced, take them off,12100:05:45,110 --> 00:05:47,610我依旧是个恪礼守节的犹太人I can still be buried in a jewish cemetery.12200:05:48,780 --> 00:05:50,120知道吗You know, I've always wanted12300:05:50,200 --> 00:05:51,320我一直都想去哥特夜总会To go to a goth nightclub.12400:05:51,370 --> 00:05:52,320真的吗Really?12500:05:52,370 --> 00:05:53,590才怪呢Bazinga!12600:05:55,060 --> 00:05:59,160没有人能察觉到我的玩笑对吧None of you ever see my practical jokes coming, do you?12700:05:59,210 --> 00:06:01,090你们俩去吗Okay, how about you two?12800:06:01,160 --> 00:06:03,710我还带了几个纹身袖Look, I've got some extra tatoo sleeves.12900:06:03,800 --> 00:06:05,830你带那么多干什么Why are you carrying extras?13000:06:05,900 --> 00:06:08,840万一被哪个女人的乳环刮破了好有个替换呀In case I snag one on someone's nipple ring.13100:06:08,900 --> 00:06:11,440我们就不去了Uh, yeah, I think we'll pass.13200:06:11,510 --> 00:06:16,510你现在就得"妻管严"了吗Oh, is the missus speaking for the couple now?13300:06:16,580 --> 00:06:19,610这件事肯定她说了算In this case, you bet she is.13400:06:21,850 --> 00:06:24,400是啊她很强势他受压迫Yes, she's pushy, and yes, he's whipped,13500:06:24,490 --> 00:06:28,240但是不能这么说But that's not the expression.13600:06:29,740 --> 00:06:32,160快走我要去沃尔格林药店Come on, I want to stop at walgreens13700:06:32,240 --> 00:06:34,030再多买几支眼线笔And pick up some more eyeliner.13800:06:37,180 --> 00:06:41,200他们在夜总会要被揍了They're gonna get beaten up at that club.13900:06:41,270 --> 00:06:44,400我看他们在药店就会被揍They're gonna get beaten up at walgreens.14000:06:47,890 --> 00:06:48,980抱歉谢尔顿Oh, sorry, Sheldon.14100:06:49,040 --> 00:06:50,380我差点坐在你的专座上I almost sat in your spot.14200:06:50,440 --> 00:06:53,230是吗我都没注意Did you? I didn't notice.14300:06:53,310 --> 00:06:55,180给你块巧克力吧Have a chocolate.14400:06:56,220 --> 00:06:58,180谢谢Thank you.14500:07:10,730 --> 00:07:15,000我觉得我们很适合这里I think we're fitting quite nicely.14600:07:15,070 --> 00:07:18,070要是你不喝低度啤酒就更好了It did help if you weren't drinking light beer.14700:07:18,120 --> 00:07:21,260喝伏特加和蔓越莓果汁就显得比我更有哥特风格吗What's so gothic about vodka and cranberry juice?14800:07:21,340 --> 00:07:23,880是啊这看起来像在饮血Hello? It looks like blood.14900:07:23,930 --> 00:07:25,750你没去看我发给你的Did you even read the "wiki how" link15000:07:25,800 --> 00:07:27,460手把手学哥特风格的WikiHow链接吗I sent you on being goth?15100:07:27,550 --> 00:07:30,130没我自己的东西还看不玩呢No, I'm behind on my wiki-reading.15200:07:30,220 --> 00:07:32,940我正在读约翰·格里沙姆[法律惊悚小说《掮客》作者]I'm kind of on a John Grisham kick right now.15300:07:33,020 --> 00:07:34,020什么What?15400:07:34,020 --> 00:07:36,050我看完了《绝对机密》I finished reading The Pelican Brief15500:07:36,090 --> 00:07:38,530我太喜欢了已经完全身临其境了And loved it so much, I dived right into the client.15600:07:38,590 --> 00:07:39,560他本身就是个律师He was a lawyer himself,15700:07:39,590 --> 00:07:43,260所以他的小说内容的准确性和娱乐性都很强So his novels are accurate as well as entertaining.15800:07:43,610 --> 00:07:49,070要记住我们是浪荡子暗夜之子Just remember we are lost boys, children of the night.15900:07:49,120 --> 00:07:51,570好的浪荡子暗夜之子Great. Lost boys, children of the night.16000:07:51,620 --> 00:07:52,790明白了Got it.16100:07:52,870 --> 00:07:56,630能帮忙把小吃递过来吗Can you pass the chex mix please?16200:07:57,910 --> 00:07:59,210谢谢Thank you.16300:08:02,180 --> 00:08:05,180我们是浪荡子We are lost boys.16400:08:05,250 --> 00:08:08,300是吗Good for you.16500:08:08,390 --> 00:08:11,590其实我比他更放浪I'm actually much more lost than he is.16600:08:13,480 --> 00:08:14,730纹身不错Nice ink.16700:08:14,730 --> 00:08:16,650谢谢Thanks.16800:08:16,700 --> 00:08:18,310能请两位小姐喝点东西吗Can we buy you ladies a drink?16900:08:19,370 --> 00:08:20,750两杯低度啤酒Two light beers.17000:08:20,820 --> 00:08:23,600低度啤酒吗 "WiliHow"该把这个写进去Light beers. "Wiki how" about that?17100:08:25,320 --> 00:08:26,610你们叫什么What's your names?17200:08:26,660 --> 00:08:29,110-我叫霍华德拉杰 -我是贝萨妮-I'm Howard. Raj. -I'm Bethany.17300:08:29,160 --> 00:08:30,540很高兴见到你贝萨妮Nice to meet you, Bethany.17400:08:30,610 --> 00:08:31,710很高兴Yes, very nice.17500:08:31,780 --> 00:08:33,210我也是Nice to meet you, too.17600:08:33,280 --> 00:08:35,080我叫莎拉I'm Sarah.17700:08:35,130 --> 00:08:36,920反正也没人关心Not that anyone cares.17800:08:39,900 --> 00:08:44,010两位小姐喜欢看约翰·格里沙姆的小说吗Do either of you ladies enjoy the novels of John Grisham?17900:08:53,100 --> 00:08:55,450这动画片叫什么来着What's this cartoon called again?18000:08:55,520 --> 00:08:59,170恶魔武士Oshikuru: Demon samurai.18100:08:59,240 --> 00:09:00,820恶魔武士不是动画片Demon it's not a cartoon.18200:09:00,910 --> 00:09:03,130是动漫It'anime.18300:09:03,190 --> 00:09:04,440动漫Anime.18400:09:04,510 --> 00:09:07,200高中时有个女生叫安娜·梅(Anime和Anna May谐音)You know, I knew a girl in high school named Anna May.18500:09:07,280 --> 00:09:10,780安娜·梅·弗莱彻Anna May Fletcher.18600:09:10,780 --> 00:09:13,840她天生单鼻孔She was born with one nostril.18700:09:13,920 --> 00:09:15,910她后来的整鼻手术很失败Then she had this bad nose job18800:09:15,970 --> 00:09:17,910最后竟然弄成了三个鼻孔And basically wound up with three.18900:09:23,110 --> 00:09:26,320你现在经常混在这儿了You're here a lot now.19000:09:26,380 --> 00:09:28,330我话太多了吗Oh, am I talking too much?19100:09:28,390 --> 00:09:29,440抱歉我不说了I'm sorry. Zip.19200:09:29,500 --> 00:09:30,570谢谢Thank you.19300:09:30,640 --> 00:09:32,910吃块巧克力吧Chocolate?19400:09:32,970 --> 00:09:35,310好的Yes please.19500:09:40,450 --> 00:09:42,670基姆你好Oh. Hey, Kim.19600:09:44,990 --> 00:09:46,040请你稍等一下You know what,hold on.19700:09:46,120 --> 00:09:47,800我到楼道里去接电话Let me take this in the hall.19800:09:56,460 --> 00:09:59,130你绝对想不到他们找谁来接替你的工作You'll never guess who they got to replace you at work.19900:10:00,670 --> 00:10:04,140我知道你在干什么了Okay, I know what you're doing.20000:10:04,200 --> 00:10:05,610真的吗Really?20100:10:05,670 --> 00:10:08,590你在用巧克力做正面教法Yes, you're ung chocolates as positive reinforcement20200:10:08,660 --> 00:10:12,060对你认为良好的行为进行奖励For what you consider correct behavior.20300:10:13,930 --> 00:10:15,920真聪明Very good.20400:10:16,920 --> 00:10:17,880来块巧克力吗Chocole?20500:10:17,950 --> 00:10:20,970我不想要什么巧克力No, I don't want any chocolate!20600:10:23,220 --> 00:10:23,730谢尔顿Sheldon,20700:10:23,740 --> 00:10:28,730你不能拿我女朋友当实验鼠一样对待You can't train my girlfend like a lab rat.20800:10:28,730 --> 00:10:31,630事实证明我可以Actually, it turns out I can.20900:10:31,630 --> 00:10:34,570你不应该这么做well, you shouldn't.21000:10:34,640 --> 00:10:36,700莱纳德就是没法让你满意是吧There's just no pleasing you, is there, Leonard?21100:10:36,790 --> 00:10:37,920你不满意You weren't happy21200:10:38,010 --> 00:10:39,910我之前那样对她With my previous approach to dealing with her,21300:10:39,960 --> 00:10:42,680所以我决定根据桑代克和B.F.斯金纳的理论So I decided to employ operant conditioning techniques,21400:10:42,740 --> 00:10:44,910采取操作性条件反射的办法Building on the works of thorndike and B.F. Skinner.21500:10:44,980 --> 00:10:46,460下周的这个时候By this time next week,21600:10:46,550 --> 00:10:48,850我相信我能让她从水池里一跃而出I believe I can have her jumping out of a pool,21700:10:48,920 --> 00:10:51,750用鼻子平衡塑料气球Balancing a beach ball on her nose21800:10:51,820 --> 00:10:55,090不行这一套必须打住No, this has to stop now.21900:10:55,160 --> 00:10:59,280我不是真的建议让她从水池里跳出来I'm not suggesting we really make her jump out of a pool.22000:10:59,360 --> 00:11:01,190我以为你该听出了我的"才怪了"I thought the "bazinga" was implied.22100:11:01,260 --> 00:11:04,360咱们不过是调整她个性We're just tweaking her personality.22200:11:04,430 --> 00:11:06,600用另一种说法就是把那些粗糙表面磨磨光Sanding off the rough edges, if you will.22300:11:06,670 --> 00:11:08,820不行你不能磨佩妮No. You're not sanding Penny.22400:11:08,870 --> 00:11:12,270你是说不许我使用Are you saying that I am forbidden22500:11:12,320 --> 00:11:15,320能让改进我们生活的From applying a harmless, scientifically valid protocol22600:11:15,410 --> 00:11:16,980无害的科学有效的正常手段That will make our lives better?22700:11:17,040 --> 00:11:19,980是的我不许Yes. You're forbidden.22800:11:23,050 --> 00:11:24,220坏莱纳德Bad Leonard.22900:11:33,100 --> 00:11:34,970那你们俩是做什么的So, what do you guys do?23000:11:35,020 --> 00:11:37,270就是些哥特东西喽Oh, you know, goth stuff.23100:11:37,320 --> 00:11:39,190哥特杂志喽哥特音乐喽Goth magazines, goth music.23200:11:39,260 --> 00:11:40,830哥特食品喽Goth food.23300:11:41,580 --> 00:11:43,010什么哥特食品What's goth food?23400:11:44,280 --> 00:11:47,030呃黑焦三文鱼?Uh. Blackened salmon?23500:11:48,650 --> 00:11:51,320不是我是问你们的工作No, I meant what do you do for jobs?23600:11:51,370 --> 00:11:53,040我们是科学家Oh, we're scientists.23700:11:53,120 --> 00:11:55,430当然是黑科学的Yeah, you know, the dark sciences.23800:11:55,490 --> 00:11:57,340什么是黑科学What are the dark sciences?23900:11:57,430 --> 00:11:58,590我们We...24000:11:58,660 --> 00:12:00,930我是个天体物理学家Well, I am an astrophysicist,24100:12:01,000 --> 00:12:03,180很多工作都要在晚上进行And a lot of that takes place at night.24200:12:04,020 --> 00:12:06,170那时候也有吸血鬼呀When there are vampires24300:12:06,220 --> 00:12:09,060僵尸呀什么的到处乱跑And miscellaneous undead out and about.24400:12:13,340 --> 00:12:14,840听起来很酷啊That sounds really cool.24500:12:14,900 --> 00:12:18,780真的吗好吧要是你喜欢宇宙那类的Does it? Okay. If you like space stuff,24600:12:18,850 --> 00:12:20,870我设计国际太空站的部分呢I design components for the international space station,24700:12:20,950 --> 00:12:22,240在太空里Which is in space.24800:12:22,320 --> 00:12:24,850你肯定知道那里没人能听到你喊叫Where, as I'm sure you know, no one can hear you scream.24900:12:28,790 --> 00:12:29,880那么两位女士是做什么的So, what do you gals do?25000:12:29,910 --> 00:12:31,240我在盖普服装店I work at the gap.25100:12:31,330 --> 00:12:34,360真的可真有趣我曾经去过盖普啊Really? How about that? I've been to the gap.25200:12:34,420 --> 00:12:35,500我也去过I've been there, as well.25300:12:35,550 --> 00:12:38,530我喜欢你们那种有小口袋的T恤衫I like your t-shirts with the little pocket.25400:12:38,590 --> 00:12:43,090我也在那儿上班反正也没人关心I work the, too. Not that anyone cares.25500:12:44,340 --> 00:12:46,890这地方真无聊You know, this place is boring.25600:12:46,980 --> 00:12:51,050可不咱们去别的地方开心开心吧Yeah why don't we go somewhere else and have some fun?25700:12:51,100 --> 00:12:52,150好啊Okay.25800:12:52,220 --> 00:12:53,600当然我们喜欢开心Sure we like fun.25900:12:53,680 --> 00:12:55,070我们是开心的人We are fun people.26000:12:55,150 --> 00:12:57,390又黑暗又开心Dark and fun.26100:12:57,440 --> 00:13:00,190来吧我知道一个地方你们肯定喜欢Come on. I know a place you'll really dig.26200:13:03,230 --> 00:13:04,390你带来黑色避孕套吗Did you bring the black condoms?26300:13:04,450 --> 00:13:05,560就在腰包包里啦In my fanny pack.26400:13:05,610 --> 00:13:06,610走吧L et's go.26500:13:13,620 --> 00:13:16,160现在高兴了Are you happy now?26600:13:18,040 --> 00:13:19,840没有特别高兴Not particularly26700:13:22,480 --> 00:13:26,800天啊她没有吧My god, she didn't!26800:13:26,870 --> 00:13:30,150她究竟在说什么要这么久What could she possibly be talking about for so long?26900:13:30,220 --> 00:13:33,270显然在芝士蛋糕厂做招待Obviously, waitressing at the cheesecake factory27000:13:33,360 --> 00:13:35,860是个复杂的社会经济性活动Is a complex socioeconomic activity27100:13:35,940 --> 00:13:39,680而且需要相当多的研究与计划That requires a great deal of analysis and planning.27200:13:40,850 --> 00:13:42,870才怪了"bazinga."27300:13:44,000 --> 00:13:46,840知道么采用You know, using positive27400:13:46,900 --> 00:13:49,210正面鼓励式方法我能在一个星期之内Reinforcement techniques, I could train that behavior27500:13:49,270 --> 00:13:51,110让她改变这个恶习Out of her in a week.27600:13:51,180 --> 00:13:52,380不No.27700:13:52,440 --> 00:13:53,810要是你让我用负面鼓励法If you let me use negative reinforcement,27800:13:53,880 --> 00:13:56,110睡觉前我就能做到I can get it done before we go to bed.27900:13:56,180 --> 00:13:59,620你不能用水喷她的脸You're not squirting her in the face with water.28000:13:59,670 --> 00:14:00,950当然不No, of course not.28100:14:01,000 --> 00:14:02,990我说的是十分轻微的电击法We're talking very mild electric shocks.28200:14:04,020 --> 00:14:06,370连组织损伤都不会有No tissue damage whatsoever.28300:14:06,440 --> 00:14:08,060别想了Forget it.28400:14:08,060 --> 00:14:10,340你不可能告诉我Oh, come on. You can't tell me28500:14:10,410 --> 00:14:12,760给你打造一个更好的女朋友That you're not intrigued out the possibility28600:14:12,830 --> 00:14:14,660让你一点都不动心Of building a better girlfriend.28700:14:14,730 --> 00:14:16,070我没有I'm not.28800:14:16,130 --> 00:14:18,150佩妮的个性好的和坏的Well, and Penny's qualities, both good and bad,28900:14:18,240 --> 00:14:20,300合成了她这个人Are what make her who she is.29000:14:23,690 --> 00:14:26,860你是说比如那个让人无法忍受的尖笑声You mean, like that high-pitched, irritating laugh?29100:14:29,250 --> 00:14:32,320你就不想希望一个低嗓门的笑声吗You wouldn't prefer a throaty chuckle?29200:14:32,380 --> 00:14:35,050不许你改变佩妮的笑声You're not changing how Penny laughs.29300:14:35,120 --> 00:14:37,090那才是荒诞呢No, that would be incongruous.29400:14:37,150 --> 00:14:38,590我打算把她的声音整体降低I was going to lower the whole voice29500:14:38,660 --> 00:14:40,970到一个令人愉快的音区To a more pleasing register.29600:14:41,040 --> 00:14:42,840对不起啦伙计Ugh. Sorry, guys.29700:14:42,930 --> 00:14:45,760那丫头是个怪物That girl is freaky.29800:14:45,830 --> 00:14:47,660再说一遍Come again?29900:14:47,710 --> 00:14:49,160怪物Freaky.30000:14:49,220 --> 00:14:50,250怪物Freaky?30100:14:50,320 --> 00:14:52,970怪物Ah, freaky.30200:14:58,580 --> 00:15:01,080吃块巧克力吧Have a chocolate.30300:15:02,860 --> 00:15:04,950谢谢Thank you.30400:15:12,360 --> 00:15:14,490你真打算破坏你的身体Are you seriously going to damage your body30500:15:14,540 --> 00:15:16,460就为了有可能吊上一个Just for the possibility you could have cheap sex30600:15:16,530 --> 00:15:18,340在酒吧里遇到的马子?With a strange girl you met in a bar?30700:15:19,910 --> 00:15:21,630当然Yeah!30800:15:21,700 --> 00:15:23,630你妈妈会怎么说What is your mother going to say?30900:15:23,700 --> 00:15:25,470她根本看不到那里She's not going to see it.31000:15:25,540 --> 00:15:28,220她现在量我体温都是放嘴里的She takes my temperature orally now.31100:15:31,440 --> 00:15:32,710霍华德你打算要什么样的What are you going to get, Howard?31200:15:32,760 --> 00:15:34,730我不知道该选Well, I can't really decide31300:15:34,810 --> 00:15:37,310尖叫魔鬼骇人小头骨Between a screaming devil, this mean little skull,31400:15:37,380 --> 00:15:39,720或是青蛙柯米特Or kermit the frog.31500:15:39,770 --> 00:15:42,130青蛙柯米特Kermit the frog? You know.31600:15:42,200 --> 00:15:45,020你好我在霍华德的屁股上Hi-ho. I'm on Howard's butt.31700:15:46,160 --> 00:15:47,490刺个骇人小头骨Get the mean little skull,。