生活大爆炸The Big Bang Theory 第三季中英剧本 第23集

生活大爆炸英文字幕《The Big Bang Theory: A Celebration of Nerdy Life》。

The Big Bang Theory, a popular American sitcom, has captured the hearts of millions of viewers worldwide with its hilarious and heartwarming portrayal of the lives of a group of nerdy friends. The show revolves around the lives of four socially awkward scientists and their equally quirky friends as they navigate through the ups and downs of life, love, and friendship.One of the most endearing aspects of The Big Bang Theory is its celebration of nerd culture. The show's characters are unapologetically passionate about their interests, whether it's comic books, video games, or science fiction. Their enthusiasm for all things nerdy is infectious, and it has helped to break down stereotypes about what it means to be a "nerd." The show has shown that being smart and passionate about niche interests is not only acceptable but also something to be celebrated.The Big Bang Theory also shines a light on the importance of friendship and community. Despite their differences, the characters in the show form a tight-knit group that supports each other through thick and thin. They may not always understand each other's interests or quirks, but they always have each other's backs. This sense of camaraderie and acceptance is a powerful message that resonates with viewers of all backgrounds.Furthermore, The Big Bang Theory has also tackled important issues such as mental health, relationships, and personal growth. The characters face their own struggles and challenges, and the show does not shy away from addressing these issues in a sensitive and meaningful way. Through their experiences, the characters learn and grow, and viewers are able to relate to their journeys on a personal level.In conclusion, The Big Bang Theory has made a significant impact on popular culture by celebrating nerd culture and promoting the importance of friendship, acceptance, and personal growth. The show's witty humor, relatable characters, andheartfelt moments have made it a beloved staple in the world of television. As the show comes to an end, its legacy will continue to inspire and entertain audiences for years to come.。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E08 – The Adhesive Duck DeficiencyScene: A camp site.Howard: How much time do we have?Leonard: Uh, t-minus five hours, 37 minutes to onset of meteor shower.Raj:Okay, our position is 34.48 degrees north, 118.31 west. That means the azimuth should be 168.22 degrees relative to magnetic north with an elevation of 49.93.Howard: Anything yet?Leonard: Uh, we have a signal, but there’s no frame lock.Howard: Hang on, how about now?Raj: We did it. We have the west coast feed of HBO. Howard: Ooh, Real Sex.Raj:Big deal. Every time I watch that show it’s old women putting condoms on cucumbers.Howard: Alright, let’s see what’s on the east coast feed.Leonard: Oh, hey. Dune.Raj:Not a great movie, but look at that beautiful desert.Leonard: Too bad Sheldon couldn’t come with us. Raj: Yes, it’s not the same without him. (They all laugh)Howard:Oh, this sucks, I’m switching back to Real Sex.Scene: The apartment.Sheldon:Sheldon’s log, stardate 63345.3. While my colleagues are off observing the Leonid meteor shower, I have remained behind to complete my paper on the decays of highly excited massive string states. Although my research is going well I do miss the warmth of human companionship. (He laughs)Credits sequence.Scene: The apartment.Sheldon: And good evening to you, Siam Palace. This is Sheldon Cooper. Yeah, I’m going to be dining alone this evening, so I’ll be reducing my usual order. I’d like to start with one quarter of the assorted appetizers plate and, uh, one half of the golden treasure for two. Oh, for heaven’s sake, in the mid-18th century, King Rama IV of Siam divided a huge empire amongst the colonial powers of Europe in order to preserve his throne. Surely, you, his cultural descendant, can handle pad thai and dumplings.Penny(voice off): Sheldon help!Sheldon: I need to go, but you keep in mind that my sharply worded comments on recently took down a local muffin store. (At Penny’s door, knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny..Penny: Come in! Hurry!Sheldon: Penny?Penny:I’m back here.Sheldon: (At Penny’s bedroom door, knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny..Penny: Oh, for god’s sakes, I’m in the bathroo m! Sheldon: Shall I come back at a better time? Penny: Get in here! Hurry! Don’t you dare knock. Sheldon: Hello.Penny: I slipped in the shower, and I think I dislocated my shoulder.Sheldon: Not surprising. You have no safety mat or adhesive stickers to allow for purchase on a surface with a low coefficient of static friction.Penny: What?Sheldon: Tubs are slippery.Penny: I know. I slipped.Sheldon: I have a series of whimsical duck stickers on the bottom of my tub.Penny: Yeah, okay, whatever. Will you just turn the water off and help me up?Sheldon: They’re holding umbrellas.Penny: What?Sheldon: The ducks in my tub.Penny: Uh-huh.Sheldon: They’re whimsical because ducks have neither the need for, nor the ability to use umbrellas. Penny: Oh, my god. I got to go to the emergency room.Sheldon:Well, assuming you’re correct that your right humerus is no longer seated in the glenoid socket, I would certainly think so.Penny: Okay, can you drive me?Sheldon: I don’t drive.Penny: Well, I can’t drive!Sheldon: Well, it seems we’ve reached an impasse.Penny: Ow.Sheldon:But I could call you a cab or an ambulance.Penny:No, no, no, I can’t wait that long, you got to help me, please.Sheldon: All right. Let it never be said that Sheldon Lee Cooper ignored the pleas of a damsel in distress.Penny:No one’s saying that. Let’s go.Sheldon:Well, it does seem rather ironic that for want of 99-cent adhesive ducks, we both might die in a fiery car crash.Scene: The camp site.Leonard: I wish Penny didn’t have to wo rk, she loves camping.Raj:Yeah, that would have been great. You and Penny having sex in the tent while I sit out here and watch Howard hump a cactus.Howard:Okay, the best I can tell, there are eight other campsites nearby. Mostly science nerds like us, but just over yon ridge are two not unattractive middle school teachers who reek of desperation. Raj: Wow. Wonderful. How old are they? Howard: Oh I don’t know, 50, 55.Raj: Oh, menopause, nature’s birth control. Leonard: Come on, you guys can’t be that h ard up. Howard: I am.Raj: Yeah, me, too.Howard: Look, they gave me homemade cookies. Leonard: Of course, they did. That’s what grandmothers do.Raj: So, what are we waiting for?Howard: Relax, I said we’d stop by a little later after they have their nap.Raj: Good idea. They’ll be refreshed.Howard: Cookie?Raj: Y eah, thank you. Mmmm.Leonard: Mmmm, not bad.Raj:Yeah, very tasty. Well, so tell me more about these teachers.Howard: Not much to tell. They had a VW Microbus and were wearing tie-dyed Grateful Dead shirts. Raj: Huh. Mmm. Good cookies.Scene: Penny’s bedroom.Sheldon:I see no organizational system in here whatsoever. Which panties do you wear on Mondays?Penny: I don’t need panties, I just need shorts and a shirt.Sheldon:My mother always told me one should wear clean underpants in case one is in an accident.Penny: One was already in an accident. Sheldon: That doesn’t mean one won’t be in another, especially if I’m driving.Penny: Clothes, Sheldon. I need clothes! Sheldon: Okay, here.Penny: Seriously? Those shorts with that top? Sheldon: All right.Penny:No… No… Oh, that’s cute.Sheldon:We should have you checked for a concussion.Penny: Okay, now, you got to help me put these on. Sheldon: All right.Penny: But don’t look.Sheldon: Don’t l ook?Penny:I don’t want you to see me naked. Sheldon:Oh. Well, that’s understandable. You may be interested to know that a prohibition against looking is well established in heroic mythology. Uh, Lot and his wife, Perseus and Medusa, Orpheus and Eurydice.Penny: Yeah, great.Sheldon: They always look. It never ends well. Penny: Ok, now you gotta help me get my arm into the sleeve.Sheldon: Ok.Penny: Is that my arm?Sheldon: It doesn’t feel like an arm.Penny: Then, maybe you should let it go. Sheldon: All righty.Scene: The camp site.Leonard:Stars are pretty, aren’t they?Howard:Up above the world so high, like little diamonds in the sky.Raj: That’s beautiful, dude. You should… You should write that down before someone steals it. Howard: So, when do the meteors get here?Raj: The meteors don’t get here, the earth is moving into their path.Leonard: I can feel it. I can feel the earth moving. It’s moving too fast. Raj, slow it down.Raj:Okay, how’s that?Leonard: Better. Thanks.Howard: Stars are pre tty, aren’t they?Leonard:What’s so funny?Raj:It’s your American accent. Everything you say sounds stupid. (With an American accent) Stars are pretty, aren’t they?Scene: Penny’s car.Sheldon: For the record, I should let you know this is my first time driving an actual motor vehicle. Penny: You have your learner’s permit, right? Sheldon:Yes, and I have logged a considerable number of hours on a simulator.Penny: Good.Sheldon:Didn’t work out well.Penny: All right, can we please go?Sheldon: One mome nt. According to my driver’s ed book, a side mirror is properly adjusted when a portion of the is driver’s door handle is visible in the lower right corner. There’s the handle. Oh, no, too far, bringing it back. Optimized. Now, where is the switch to adjust the passenger side mirror? Penny: It’s right there.Sheldon: Where is the passenger side mirror? Penny: In a parking lot in Hollywood. Now, can we please go?Sheldon: Yes. As soon as I adjust my seat. Whee! Oh, dear. I’m going to have to start again.Scene: The camp site.Raj:If I could speak the language of rabbits, they would be amazed, and I would be their king. Leonard: I hate my name. It has nerd in it. Len nerd.Howard: I lost my virginity to my cousin Jeanie. Raj: I would be kind to my rabbit subjects. At first. Leonard:You know what’s a cool name? Angelo. That has angel and jell-o in it.Howard: It was my Uncle Murray’s funeral. We were all back at my Aunt Barbara’s house. Our eyes locked over the pickled herring. We never meant for it to happen.Raj: One day, I hold a great ball for the President of France, but the rabbits, they hate me and don’t come. I am embarrassed, so I eat all the lettuce in the world and make them watch.Leonard: People could call me Angie. Yo, Angie, how’s it goin’?Howard:To this day, I can’t look at pickled herring without being aroused and ashamed. Oh, cousin Jeanie.Scene: Penny’s car.Penny: Could you please drive a little faster? Sheldon:Oh, I think we’re going sufficiently fast. What’s that?Penny: Nothing. The engine does that sometimes. Sheldon:That can’t be nothing, the check engine light is on. We need to find a service station. Penny: No. The light has been on since I bought the car.Sheldon:All the more reason to consult with a mechanic before it explodes.Penny:It’s not going to explode, just keep driving. Warp speed ahead, Mr. Spock.Sheldon: Mr. Spock did not pilot the Enterprise. He was the science officer, and I guarantee you that if he ever saw the Enterprise’s check engine light blinking, he would pull the ship over immediately. Penny: Oh, god, I’m gonna lose the arm. Sheldon: Oh, oh, red light, release accelerator and slowly apply the brake. Nailed it. While we have a moment, may I ask you a question?Penny: What?Sheldon: Why do you have the Chinese character for soup tattooed on your right buttock?Penny: It’s not soup, it’s courage.Sheldon: No, it isn’t. But I suppose it does take courage to demonstrate that kind of commitment to soup.Penny:How did you see it? You said you wouldn’t look.Sheldon:Sorry. As I told you, the hero always peeks.Scene: The camp site.Howard: Anything?Leonard: No. That was the last pudding cup. Howard: No! What about Slim Jims?Leonard: That’s what he used to eat his pudding, remember?Raj: Right! That was so good! Sweety and meaty at the same time.Howard: Wait. Wait, wait. So you’re saying we’re out of food?Leonard: The only thing in here are blue ice packs.Raj:I know they’re poison, but they look like big,yummy otter pops.Leonard: Oh, god, I am so hungry.Howard:Me too. Check and see if we have any more pudding.Leonard: Okay.Scene: The hospital waiting room.Sheldon:All right, there’s no need to bark at me. According to the inexplicably irritable nurse behind the desk, you’ll be seen after the man who claims to be having a heart attack, but appears to be well enough to play Doodle Jump on his iPhone. We have to fill these out. Describe illness or injury. Penny: I dislocated my shoulder.Sheldon: All right. And how did the accident occur? Penny: You ready know that.Sheldon: Cause of accident, lack of adhesive ducks. Okay, medical history. Have you ever been diagnosed with diabetes?Penny: No.Sheldon: Kidney disease?Penny: No.Sheldon: Migraines?Penny: Getting one.Sheldon: Are you currently pregnant?Penny: No.Sheldon: Are you sure? You look a bit puffy. Penny: Change migraine to yes.Sheldon: When was your last menstrual period? Penny: Oh, next question.Sheldon:I’ll put, in progress. Okay, moving to psychiatric disorders, list all major behavioural diagnoses, e.g. depression, anxiety, etcetera. Penny: Oh, my god, what the hell does this have to do with my stupid shoulder?Sheldon: Episodes of sub psychotic rage. Penny: Ass.Sheldon:Possible Tourette’s. All right, moles, lesions or other skin conditions. Soup tattoo on right buttock.Penny:Hey, Sheldon, Sheldon, look, I am scared and in a lot of pain. Could you please just take a break from being you for just a minute and try being, I don’t know, comforting?Sheldon:I’m sorry. There, there. Everything’s going to be fine. Sheldon’s here.Penny: Thanks. That’s much better.Scene: The camp site.Raj: Oh, I’m so hungry!Leonard: Will you shut up? We’re all hungry. Howard:Okay, our objective is the boy scout campsite to the east. Easy target. Big doughy scout master, couple of cubs, most webelos.Leonard: What kind of score are we looking at? Howard:Hot dogs, buns, s’mores, I mean, it’s a freaking 7-11.Leonard: All right, everyone grab flashlights. Howard: Oh, my god, could it be? Yes! My mother put an I love you brisket in my backpack. Leonard: Quick, get forks.Howard:You don’t need forks. It’s so tender, it falls apart in your hands.Raj: He’s right.Leonard: I feel like we’re forgetting something important.Raj: Me, too. But what? (Behind them, the meteor shower has begun)Howard:Maybe a tupperware bowl of roasted potatoes and carrots?Leonard and Raj together: Yes! Yes!Scene: Penny’s apartment.Sheldon: Now remember, you were given powerful pain medication and a muscle relaxer, so, uh, don’t operate heavy machinery. Try not to choke on your own drool.Penny:Wait. You have to help me get into bed. Sheldon has to get me into bed. Bet you never thought I’d say that.Sheldon:Yes. The charm of your drug addled candour knows no bounds.Penny: You kn ow, people think you’re this weird robot man who’s so annoying all the time, and you totally are, but then it’s like that movie Wall-E at the end. You’re so full of love, and you can save a plant and get fat people out of the floaty chairs. Sheldon:That’s a fairly laboured metaphor, but I appreciate the sentiment behind it.Penny:Sing “Soft Kitty” to me.Sheldon:“Soft Kitty” is for when you’re sick. You’re not sick.Penny: Injured and drugged is a kind of sick. Sheldon (singing): Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur…Penny: Wait, wait. Let’s sing it as a round. I’ll start. Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur… See that’s where you come in. I’ll start over. Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur… I’ve got all night, Sheldon. Soft kitty, war m kitty… (Sheldon joins in with the round) little ball of fur, happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr.Scene: The camp site. Raj is telling a ghost story with the torch on his face.Raj: …And the next morning when he woke up, he rolled over and reali zed… duh-duh-duh! …she was his cousin.Howard:That’s still not funny.Raj(imitating him): That’s still not funny.Howard: And she was my second cousin.Raj (imitating him): And she was my second cousin. Howard: You’re a real douche.Raj: Who cares? You slept with your cousin.。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E11 – The Maternal CongruenceScene: The apartment.Penny:Oh, I always tear up when the Grinch’s heart grows three sizes.Sheldon: Tears seem appropriate. Enlargement of the heart muscle, or hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, is a serious disease which could lead to congestive heart failure.Leonard(singing Deck the Halls): Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la.Penny: You really didn’t like it, Sheldon?Sheldon: No, on the contrary. I found the Grinch to be a relatable, engaging character, and I was really with him right up to the point that he succumbed to social convention and returned the presents and saved Christmas. What a buzz kill that was.Leonard: When we watch Frosty the Snowman, he roots for the sun.Sheldon:Excuse me, but the sun is essential for all life on Earth. Frosty is merely a bit of frozen supernatural ephemera in a stolen hat. A crime, by the way, for which he is never brought to account. Leonard (continuing Deck the Halls): Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.Credits sequence.Scene: The apartment.Penny: I just love decorating the Christmas tree. It makes me feel like a little girl again.Leonard: We didn’t have a tree when I was growing up.Penny: Really? Why not?Leonard:Mmm, in my family, holidays weren’t so much c elebrated as studied for their anthropological and psychological implications on human society.Penny: Oh, sounds festive. Did you at least give presents?Leonard: Mmm, in a way. We presented papers, and then broke off into focus groups and critiqued each other.Penny: Sheldon, what about you? Did you have a Christmas tree?Sheldon: Oh, yes. We had a tree, we had a manger, we had an inflatable Santa Claus with plastic reindeer on the front lawn. And to make things even more jolly, there were so many blinking lights on the house they induced neighbourhood-wide seizures.Penny: So I take it you don’t want to help us trim the tree.Sheldon: I do not. But if you insist on decorating a spider-infested fire hazard in my home I would request that you add this.Penny: What is it?Sheldon: You’re kidding, right? It’s a bust of Sir Isaac Newton.Penny: Oh, sure, sure, yeah. Very Christmassy.Sheldon: Wait, excuse me, but it’s much more Christmassy than anything you’ve put on the tree. Leonard: Here we go.Sheldon: December 25, 1642, Julian calendar, Sir Isaac Newton is born. Jesus, on the other hand, was actually born in the summer. His birthday was moved to coincide with a traditional pagan holiday that celebrated the winter solstice with lit fires and slaughtered goats. Which, frankly, sounds like more fun than 12 hours of church with my mother followed by a fruitcake.Leonard: Merry Newton-mas, everyone.Sheldon: I sense that’s not sincere, although I have no idea why.Penny: No, it’s fine. Look, Sir Isaac can go righ t next to this little candy cane.Sheldon: No. Isaac goes at the top of the tree.Sheldon:I understand. You dispute Newton’s claim that he invented calculus and you want to put Gottfried Leibniz on the top.Leonard: Yeah, you got me. I’m a Leibniz man.Sheldon:Well, perhaps when your mother gets here, she’ll talk some sense into you.Penny:What? Your… your mother’s coming? When?Leonard: Tomorrow.Penny: When were you going to tell me?Leonard: Um, tomorrow?Penny: Why were you keeping this a secret?Leonard: Well, I just, I thought…Sheldon:If I can interject here, obviously Leonard is concerned that his mother won’t approve of you as his mate.Penny: Why wouldn’t she approve of me? I’m adorable.Leonard: You are, it’s just…Sheldon: If I can interject again. Leonard comes from a remarkably high-achieving family, who have all chosen high-achieving partners. He probably feels that it’s doubtful that his mother will be overly impressed with his dating a woman whose most significant achievement is memorizing the Cheesecake Factory menu. Penny:Hey, it’s a big menu. There’s two pages just for desserts.Leonard: I know. And those specials, they change every day.Penny: Okay, you know what? It’s lame when I say it, it’s just ridiculous when you pile on.Leonard: Okay, sorry.Penny: So what did she say when you told her we were going out?Leonard:Um…Penny: You didn’t tell her we were going out, did you?Leonard: Um…Penny: Why not?Leonard:Um…Sheldon: Leonard, I’m no expert on meditation, but if you’re trying to calm yourself down, I believe the word is Om.Scene: Leonard’s car.Beverley: It was so nice of you to come all the way down to the airport to pick me up.Sheldon: No trouble at all.Leonard:I drove, Mother. I’m driving now.Beverley: Yes, dear. Mommy’s proud. I’ve been meaning to thank you for your notes on my paper disproving quantum brain dynamic theory.Sheldon: My pleasure. For a non-physicist, you have a remarkable grasp of how electric dipoles in the brain’s water molec ules could not possibly form a Bose condensate.Leonard: Wait, wait, wait. When did you send my mom notes on a paper?Sheldon: August 16th. Right after her carpal tunnel surgery.Beverley: Oh, did I thank you for the flowers?Sheldon: You did.Beverley: I don’t really like flowers.Sheldon: Neither do I, but it’s the social convention.Beverley:It is, isn’t it?Leonard: Wait, wait, wait. You had surgery?Beverley: Yes, and Sheldon sent me flowers.Beverley: Then what was all that wait, wait, wait about?Leonard:I just don’t understand why he knows more about your life than I do.Beverley:Well, I would assume it’s because Sheldon and I stay in touch due to mutual interest and respect, while you avoid me, due to unresolved childhood issues.Sheldon: It’s what we think caused your narcissistic personality disorder. We discussed it at length during our last video chat. Although how we got onto the subject of you is baffling.Beverley:Yes, but we are on the subject, so I’m obliged to ask, Leonard, how are you?Leonard: Fine, Mom. How are you?Beverley: Mmm, menopausal.Leonard: Now I’m less fine.Beverley: Have you heard your brother has gotten engaged?Leonard: No. Sheldon, why didn’t you tell me?Sheldon: My bad. I did send a gift from both of us.Beverley:She’s a remarkable girl. The youngest appeals court judge in New Jersey and a two-time Olympic bronze medallist.Leonard: You must be very happy.Beverley:Why? I’m not marrying her. So, how about you? Are you seeing anyone intere sting?Sheldon:Well, I’m not sure about interesting, but…Leonard: Not the time, Sheldon.Sheldon: Very well. Shall we switch topics to Isaac Newton v. Gottfried Leibniz?Beverley:It’s all right, Sheldon. I will just pretend that Leonard’s not withholdin g information. Although, I will point out, Leonard, that I am a trained psychiatrist and you are exhibiting the same secretive behavioural tics that accompanied your learning to masturbate.Sheldon: Isn’t she brilliant, Leonard? How I envy you.Scene: The apartment.Beverley: So, Howard, have you and Rajesh finally summoned the courage to express your latent homosexual feelings toward one another?Howard: What? No.Beverley: Why not?Howard:Because we don’t have latent homosexual feelings toward one anoth er.Beverley: I see.Howard: No, really. I have a girlfriend now.Beverley: And where is she this evening?Howard: She had to go out of town. Her grandmother died.Beverley: I see. Her grandmother died.Howard: Honest to God. Leonard, tell her I have a girlfriend.Leonard:I don’t know what you’re talking about.Howard:What do you mean you don’t know what I’m talking about? Tell her I have a girlfriend!Leonard:All right. He “has” a “girlfriend.”Howard: Her name is Bernadette, she’s working as a waitress, but she’s going to school to be a microbiologist.Beverley:Howard, keep in mind that the more passionately you stick to this construct, the more you’re hurting your partner.Howard(to Raj who has whispered to him): Do you really think your lips in my ear is helping?Penny (arriving): Hi. Sorry I’m late.Leonard: Oh, glad you’re here, uh, sit down, I’ll get you a plate. Mom, you remember Penny.Beverley: Oh, yes, the waitress slash actress with the unresolved father issues. Has he finally come to terms with his little slugger growing breasts?Penny:Well, he sent me a football and a catcher’s mitt for Christmas, so I’m going to say no.Howard: If it helps, we’re all good with your breasts.Beverley: Classic overcompensation. Oh, speaking of fathers, Leona rd, that reminds me, I’m divorcing yours.Leonard: What?Beverley: Yes. He was cheating on me.Leonard: No!Beverley: Yes, with some waitress from the university cafeteria. Can you believe it? A waitress? Oh, no offense, dear.Penny: No, it sounded like a compliment.Leonard: When did this happen?Beverley:Mmm, well, let’s see. Sheldon, when did I leave Leonard’s father?Sheldon: September 22nd.Beverley: Oh, yes, that’s right. The weekend after Leonard’s dog died.Leonard: Mitzy’s dead?Sheldon: She was old and blind, Leonard. What choice did we have?Leonard: I don’t believe this. Why am I the last to know?Beverley:Excuse me, Leonard, I am the one who’s getting a divorce, Mitzy is the one who is dead. Why are you the one making a fuss?Leonard:You’re right. I’m-I’m-I’m-I’m sorry, I’m way out of line!Beverley:So, Penny, what’s new in your life?Penny: Nothing. Not a damn thing.Scene: Penny’s car.Beverley: Thank you for driving me back to my hotel.Penny:Oh, it’s not a problem.Beverley: I was going to ask Leonard to do it, but he seemed a bit emotionally unstable and you don’t want someone like that operating heavy machinery.Penny: No, you do not.Beverley: Your check engine light is on.Penny: Yeah, I gotta put a sticker over that. So, uh, you must be devastated about your divorce. Beverley:Oh, not at all. But I am a bit distressed to be in a vehicle that’s not subjected to regular maintenance.Penny:Come on, I mean, you’re not upset that your marriage is over?Beverley: Well, initially I felt so mething akin to grief and perhaps anger, but that’s the natural reaction of the limbic system to being betrayed by a loathsome son of a bitch.Penny: Sure, sure.Beverley:Thankfully, my shock was somewhat mitigated by the fact that I haven’t had intercour se with him in eight years.Penny: Eight years?Beverley: Oh, that’s nothing. I’ve been responsible for my own orgasms since 1982.Penny: Yikes. What’s so funny?Beverley: That’s exactly what I say during orgasms. Yikes.Penny: You know what? I could use a drink. Do you want to stop for a drink?Beverley: Oh, I don’t drink.Penny: I do, I’ll teach you.Scene: Leonard’s bedroom.Sheldon:(Knock, knock, knock) Leonard? (Knock, knock, knock) Leonard?(Knock, knock, knock) Leonard?Leonard: What is it?Sheldon: I made tea.Leonard:I don’t want tea.Sheldon:I didn’t make tea for you. This is my tea.Leonard: Then why are you telling me?Sheldon:It’s a conversation starter.Leonard:That’s a lousy conversation starter.Sheldon:Oh, is it? We’re conversing. Che ckmate.Leonard: What do you want, Sheldon?Sheldon: What I want is to be departing the Starship Enterprise in a one-man shuttle craft headed to the planetoid I rule known as Sheldon Alpha Five.Leonard: I want that too. Why are you here?Sheldon: To comfo rt you, of course. No, that’s not going to work at all, I’ll comfort you from over here. Leonard, what you’re experiencing is a classic Jungian crisis in which the aging individual mourns the loss of the never-to-be realized ideal family unit.Leonard: Tha nk you, that’s very comforting.Sheldon:That’s not the comforting part.Leonard:It’s not?Sheldon: No, no. The comforting part is that the Germans have a term for what you’re feeling. Weltschmerz. It means the depression that arises from comparing the world as it is to a hypothetical, idealized world. Leonard: You’re right, I do feel better.Sheldon: Well, the Germans have always been a comforting people. Just remember, Leonard, where your biological family has failed you, you always have me, your surrogate family.Leonard: You’re my surrogate family?Sheldon:If it’s any consolation, I’m not happy about it either. Good night.Scene: A bar.Penny: Okay, now this time try drinking it all at once.Beverley: Yikes.Penny: I’ve been responsible for my own buz z since 2003. Another round for me and my homegirl. Beverley: I feel a spreading warmth through my extremities.Penny: As long as you don’t feel it running down your pants, you’re fine.Beverley:Oh, that is fascinating. I’m noticing an immediate lowering of my inhibitions. For example, I’m seriously considering asking that busboy to ravish me in the alleyway while I eat cheesecake. What do you think?Penny: Well, we are known for our cheesecake. Hit us again.Beverley: Yes. If a little is good, more must be better.Penny: Hey, Bev, guess what?Beverley: What?Penny: I’m sleeping with your son.Beverley: Really? Which one?Penny: The one from whom I live across the hall from.Beverley:Well, that’s convenient. How did his penis turn out?Penny: Oh, Beverly, I can’t talk to my boyfriend’s mother about his penis.Beverley: Oh, fair enough. What can you tell me, if anything, about that busboy’s penis?Penny:Actually, I’ve only had the cheesecake. One more time. You know, Leonard did not want to tell you we were dating.Beverley: Really? Well, that means he’s either embarrassed about the relationship or he doesn’t care enough about his mother to tell her he’s in one. Either way, one of us should be insulted.Penny: Well, let’s go find out who.Beverley: You go ge t a taxi. I’m gonna slip my business card into that busboy’s back pocket, cupping his firm, right buttock as I do so.Scene: The apartment.Penny: Leonard?Beverley: Sonny boy!Penny: Get out here! Your mommy wants to talk to you!Leonard: What the hell is going on?Penny: You’re in trouble.Beverley: Why didn’t you tell me you were tapping my homegirl? Did I say that right?Penny: Yeah, not bad, not bad.Leonard: Are you guys drunk?Beverley: Well, I hope so. Otherwise, why would we have stopped at Del T aco? Now, how could you not tell me you were in a relationship with this lovely, charming young woman?Penny: Oh, thank you.Beverley: You’re welcome. Is it because she’s uneducated, trapped in a menial service position?Penny: What the hell happened to lovely and charming?Leonard:How come you didn’t tell me that you and Father were getting a divorce? How come you didn’t tell me you had surgery? How come you didn’t tell me my dog died?Beverley: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What I hear you saying is that you want a more intimate mother-son relationship.Leonard: I do.Beverley (gives him an uncomfortable hug): There. It’s late. Now, go to bed. I’m getting a warm feeling spreading through my heart.Penny: That’s the Del Taco.Sheldon: Why is Leonard softly banging his head against his bedroom door?Beverley: Speaking of warm feelings, come here. (She grabs Sheldon and kisses him) No, I’d rather have the busboy.Scene: Leonard’s car.Beverley: Thank you for taking me to the airport.Sheldon: You’re very welc ome.Leonard: Once again, I’m driving. I’m right here.Beverley: Please, I am very hungover and in no mood to satisfy your need for approval. Sheldon, I do hope you’ll forgive me for my inappropriate behaviour last night.Sheldon: I don’t blame you. You we re intoxicated.Beverley: Thank you.Sheldon: I blame Penny.Penny: I blame Penny, too. Bad Penny.Leonard: Wait a minute, what are you talking about? What inappropriate behaviour?Beverley: I think it’s best that you not know.Sheldon: Agreed.Penny: Agreed.Leonard: What the hell, agreed.Beverley: And I want you to take very good care of this young woman.Penny: Oh, thank you, Beverly.Beverley: You’re welcome. She doesn’t have much in the way of career prospects, don’t make her responsible for her own orgasms as well.Leonard: Mother, remember when I was complaining that you don’t communicate with me enough? Beverley: Yes, dear.Leonard: I’m over it.Penny (finishing Deck the Halls): Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la la-la。

Hey, do me a favor and take table seven.You mean the one with my 118-Pound Rock-Hard stud of a fianc Who's prone to canker sores and pinkeye?Nah, i prefer to look at it as the one with my ex-BoyfriendAnd his gorgeous, successful and sophisticated girlfriend,Who makes me feel like a toothless okie.Do you want me to spill hot soup on her?Oh, please-- You're not that kind of person.I know.But if she orders something low-FatI'll totally give her the full-Fat version.Uh, that's my water.- What?- My water. You're drinking it.D-Dear lord!- Have you been drinking it?- Yes. It's my water.Well, that's it then. I'm dead.Here we go...i'm sorry, do i really need to connect the dots for you?The backwash into this glassIs every pathogen that calls your mouth home, sweet home. Not to mention the visitors who arrive on the dancing tongue Of your subtropical girlfriend.Hey! That's my sister Andmy country you're talking about.Leonard may have defiled one,But I won't have you talking smack about the other.You guys ready to order?Yes, i'd like a seven-Day course of penicillin,Some, uh, syrup of ipecac-- To induce vomiting-- And a mint.- I don't understand.- He drank from leonard's glass."He drank from leonard's glass"--The words they'll be carving into my tombstone.That's actually my napkin.Oh, this is a nightmare!- Where are you going?- To the bar,To sterilize my mouth with alcohol.Gang way! Dead manwalking!All right. Here you go.Two lemonades, One iced teaAnd a root beer for priya.- Is it diet?- That's what you ordered.Thank you.Hey, have you and howardStarted planning your wedding yet?Yeah. We're thinking of having it on a cliff Overlooking the ocean.Nothing soothes those pre-Wedding jitters Like the thought of falling and drowning. What did your mother say When you told her you were getting married?He hasn't told her yet. He's waiting for the right time.I was thinking of weaving it into her eulogy.Howard, you've gotto tell your mother.Hey, have you told your parentsyou'redating This short glass of skim milk here?Uh... that's different.First of all, we're not engaged;And second, indian parents Are very protective of their children.Right, right, whereas jewish mothersTake a casual, la-Di-Da approach to their sons.I gargled with tequila and may have swallowed a teeny bit.- You all right?- Fine. Thank you for asking.I love you so much.Fire demon.Ooh, fire demon. Sheldon's turning up the heat...troll master.Check it! Howard pulls one out From under the bridge. Nice!Water nymph.Oh, yeah, she's got puddles In all the right places.Could you please play the game Without commenting on every card?Sorry.Walking tree.- Last one.- I'm taking a stroll and i'm sporting wood.Okay, the eagle has landed.What's going on?Bernadette and my mother are havingA get-To-Know-You lunch at the old town deli.- Oh, that sounds lovely.- Hope so.Of course, if history is any indication,My mother will swallow her wholeAnd spit out her bones like an owl.- Have you met bernadette's parents?- You mean adolf and eva?Not yet.One goose step at a time.- Sheldon, that's my water.- Oh, dear lord!That's not your water.I know.where's the mouthwash?!"Where" indeed.ma, i'm home!- Where are you?- i'm in the toilet!So, how'd it go?!too soon to say!I'm not done yet!No, i mean lunch, today, with bernadette!oh! I had a pastrami sandwich.She had eggplant lasagna.Like that's what a person orders in a jewish deli. Besides food, did you get along?Did you talk?Oh, sure!Did you know she's going to schoolTo become a microbiologist?!No, she never mentioned it.I bet she did and you didn't listen!Yeah, that's probably it. So, what do you think?Do you like her?She's great, huh?She's a lovely girl! Cute as a button!That's good to hear,'cause i've got some news.I hope it's good news,Because i've got nothing but disappointment in here! Bernadette and I are getting married.Ma?You too busy bearing down?Ma? Oh, my god,ma? Ma? Ma?Stand back,i'm gonna break the door down!Son of a bitch! Ma, help!Hey.Hello.Haven't seen you in a while.How's it going?Oh, other than waiting out the exponentialgrowth period Of the virulent organismsTrooping through my microvilliInto my circulatory system--Hunky-Dory.Did i say something amusing?I don't know, maybe, i have no idea what you said.So your mirth is merelya discharge of nervous energyWith no semantic content at all?My mirth. Classic.Is there a station coming upWhere i can board your giggling train of thought?It's not a big deal, sheldon. It's just,ever since leonard's been Dating raj's sister,i've had to keep my distance.I don't get to hear all your jibber-Jabber.Jibber-Jabber?! I don't jibber-Jabber.What are you doing at work these days?Oh, i'm working on time-Dependent backgrounds In string theory, Specifically quantum field theoryIn "d-Dimensional" de sitter space.Okay, come on, even you have to admit that's jibber-Jabber. Interesting, do you know Wherethe phrase "jibber-Jabber" comes from?Oh, my god, you're about to jibber-Jabber About jibber-Jabber. Howard and his mother are at the hospital. Come on, we gotta go. - Oh, my god! What happened?- I don't know, i just got a text.- Come on, hurry.- Okay.Sheldon, let's go!To a hospital?! Full of sick people?!Oh, i don't think so.Okay, well, your friend and his mother are there, we're going.I can't.Oh, don't tell me you're afraid of germs.Not all germs.Just the ones that will kill me.It's the same way i'm not afraid of all steak knives--Just the ones that might be plunged in my thorax.Fine, i'll tell howard you didn't comeBecause you're more concerned About your own well-Being than his.I would thinkhe would know that.Okay, you know what?You are unbelievable. You buy all these superhero t-Shirts,But when it's time for you To step up and do the right thing,You just hide in the laundry room.Fine, i'll go.Just for the record, my aunt ruth died in a hospital.She went in to visit my uncle roger,Caught something and bit the dust a week later.The two of them now share a coffee canSo i knocked down the bathroom door,Picked up my poor unconscious mother,Carried her to the car,And drove like a madman to the emergency room.You're a real hero, howard.No, i did what any son would do.Hang on a second--You picked up your mother?Her own legs are barely able to do that.I was filled with adrenaline.It happens to be how women lift cars off babies.Yeah, i'm saying, it'd be easier to lift a car.What can i tell you?After i found the courage To puther pants back on, i was unstoppable.So, how is she?They're running tests-- I don't know.It may have been a heart attack or heart-Attack-Like event.What's the difference?A heart-attack-like event is an event that's like a heart attack. Thanks for clearing that up.Regardless, coronary problems are eminently treatable.What's more likely going to kill Howard's motherare the antibiotic-resistant super-bugs festeringin every nook and cranny of this hospital.Okay, you're not helping.Disagree.Go sit over there.I'll sit over there--it looks cleaner.Is there a history of heart disease in your family?My family is the historyof heart disease.There's a cave painting in Franceof one of my ancestors doing this:So it's probably genetic.Well, maybe.Mom also had just gotten some news that might have upset her. It's not important.Come on, Howard, I'm going to be your wife.You can share anything with me.You'd think that. But no.You told her we were going to get marriedand she had a heart attack?You can't take that personally.How else is she supposed to take it?What you've got to keep in mind is thatever since my dad left,I've been the whole world to my mother.I mean, she'd be threatened by any womanwho can give me what she can't.You mean sexual intercourse?Well, when you say it like that you make it sound creepy.What happened?Howard's mother had a heart attackbecause I have sex with him and she can't.Bernie, wait!I'll give you $1,000 if you'll drive me home.Nice of you to come for Howard.Well, he's my friend.It's what you do.I'm sorry, did I miss something?It's just so weird.Howard Wolowitz is my friend.You know, once he tried to stick his tonguedown my throat and I broke his nose.That's a little easier to believethan he's your friend.Yeah, tell me about it.You know, my brother had a group of friends like this in India. They dressed up in leotards and gogglesand called themselves the New Delhi Power Rangers.You mean when he was little.Not as little as you'd want him to be.You know, this stuff is horrible.You want to see if we can find the cafeteria and get real coffee?Sure.We're going to the cafeteria to get some coffee. You want anything?I'm fine.That's nice thatthey're getting along.Your girlfriend and your ex-girlfriendare hanging out together?Oh, yeah, that can only be good for you.What are you talking about?One of them broke up with you.Do you really want her telling the other one why?I don't care. I don't have anything to hide.Good, good. Then you havenothing to worry about.No, I do not.You are a mean little man.You'd think it'd be because my parents didn't love me,but actually they loved me a great deal.Bernie, it's not you.She's just set in her ways.How can we be togetherif the thought of us getting married might kill your mother?It's the circleof life, sweetie.One day our son will marry someone and it will kill you.Howard, I have to go to the bathroomand no one will take me home.What's wrong with the bathroom here?Pneumococcus, streptococcus staphylococcus，and other assorted coccuses. Sheldon, my mother is on her deathbedand my fiance is grief-stricken over putting her there.I'm not taking you home.Will you at least go with me to the restroom here,so you can open the door and flush the urinal?No!This might be a good time to point out, Howard,that friendship requires a certain give and take.Hold the door.Mr. Wolowitz?Is she okay?It wasn't a heart attack.She's awake, she's resting comfortably--we're still running tests. Can I see her?Actually, she said, and I quote,she'd "like to see the little Catholic girl first."Me? Why me?Jews have been asking that for centuries.There's no real good answer.Okay, well, wish me luck.Don't worry, you'll be fine.Let's just hide Mr. Cross.If it touches her,it burns.You brought a Catholic girl home to your mother?Yeah.Why don't I write you a prescription for Xanax.Finally.Oh, what fresh hell is this?Wait, you can't leave here, you've been exposed.No, I haven't.It's all good.You want to talk about crazy mothers,Leonard's mom wouldn't give him any sort of approval growing up. Oh, the poor thing.It makes him desperate to please women.That's why the foreplay goes on and on.It does, doesn't it?It's like he's trying to win a prize.A word of advice-- don't doze off. You will never hear the end of it. Help me! Come back! Penny!There are a couple of things I didwith Penny that might be a little silly, but...Like what?Every once in a while, before we'd go to bed,I'd put on a little show for her.What do you mean"a show"?Well, you know, the way I took my clothes off.Like, to music?I'd look pretty stupid if there was no music.So you'd do a striptease?I wasn't swinging around a pole.Good, good.There was one time I put body glitter on.Well, I don't think you have to worry about Penny telling my sister that. No, she wouldn't.Your big problem is me telling her.You really are a mean little man.Oh, God, that's so true.I know, right?Hey, what took you guys so long?Oh, we were just chatting.That's nice. What about?We were just comparing notes about how you are in the sack.- That's funny.- Yeah.What if she wasn't kidding?It doesn't matter. I'm the king of foreplay.Hey, how'd it go?You're a putz. You know what that means?Yeah. Do you?Your mother just taught it to me.She thinks she got food poisoning from that deliand she just wanted to make sure I was okay.And are you?No, because I'm engaged to a putz.You let me believe I was the reason she had a heart attack.- Well, based on the available evid--- Shut up!She said I'm a wonderful girl and that you're lucky to have me. Where are you going?To the toilet! Is that okay with you?!Mountain Elf.He takes the elffrom off the shelf.Hell Hounds.Hell Hounds--who let the Satanic dogs out?Who? Who-who?Colossal Serpent.I got a colossal serpent right here.Must you?Sorry, I'm just trying to cheer my buddy up.Rotting Zombie. Sheldon's newFacebook photo.Zandor, Wizard of the North.Ha! I win.If you skip the part about beingunder a two-week quarantine because you were exposed to a deadly disease-- absolutely.。

第一季3集: The Fuzzy Boots Corollary-Howard：All right, just a few more feet. And...非常好，再前进几步...here we are, gentlemen, the gates of Elzebob. 准备好，先生们，Elzebob大门到了。

gentlemen: n. （gentleman的复数形式）绅士,先生gate：门-Sheldon：Good lord. 上帝啊。

lord:上帝-Leonard：Don't panic. This is what the last 97 hours have been about. 别慌，坚持97小时的战斗就为了这一刻。

panic：恐慌last：a. 最后的,末尾的,最近的,晚了，迟到了;v. 持续,支持,维持ad. 最后,后来-Howard：Stay frosty. There's a horde of armed goblins on the other side of that gate guarding the sword of Asaroth. 待着别动，一群装备武器的地妖精，正在门的另一边，守卫着艾辛诺斯之刃。

frosty：冷淡的 a horde of：一群armed：武装的goblin：恶魔，小妖精guard：保护，监护sword：剑-Leonard：Warriors, unsheathe your weapons. Magic wielders, raise your wands. 战士们，拔出你们的武器，法师们，举起你们的魔杖。

warriors：武士，战士unsheathe；抽出鞘，拔出weapons：武器magic：魔术的wielders：行使者raise：举起wands：棍，棒-Sheldon：Lock and load. 准备好了。

【Lock and load 这是一句常用的美国口语，荷枪实弹，准备好的意思】-Howard：Raj, blow the gates. Raj，推开大门。

生活大爆炸第三季0100:00:00,000-->00:00:00,000200:00:00,000-->00:00:00,000300:00:00,300-->00:00:01,500《生活大爆炸》前情回顾PrevioulyonTheBigBangTheory (4)00:00:02,440-->00:00:03,930我和莱纳德沃罗威茨库萨帕里IamgoingtotheArcticCircle500:00:03,990-->00:00:05,060要去北极圈withLeonard,Walowitz,andKoothrappali.600:00:05,130-->00:00:07,120-去三个月-没错-Forthreemonth-Ye.7 00:00:07,160-->00:00:10,620你说会想我是什么意思Whatdidyoumeanwhenyouaidyouweregoingtomime800:00:12,770-->00:00:14,760意思是我不想你走ItmeanIwihyouweren'tgoing.900:00:17,000-->00:00:19,000[三个月后]1000:00:30,000-->00:00:31,500谢天谢地到家了Oh,thankGodwe'rehome.1100:00:31,500-->00:00:35,540难以置信我们在那冰冷的地狱呆了3个月Ican'tbelievewepentthreemonthinthatfrozenhell.1200:00:35,540-->00:00:37,050简直就是个噩梦Itwalikeanowynightmare1300:00:37,050-->00:00:39,000梦里漫天飞雪而又无法醒来fromwhichtherewanoawakening.1400:00:39,870-->00:00:42,900我不知道你们对北极考察的感想Idon'tknowwhatArctice某peditionyouguywereon,1500:00:42,970-->00:00:45,010我只觉得意犹未尽butIthoughtitwaahootandahalf.1600:00:47,440-->00:00:48,950你好妈妈Oh,hi,Mom.1700:00:49,530-->00:00:52,12000:00:52,120-->00:00:54,300我还没到家呢I'mnothomeyet. 1900:00:54,300-->00:00:56,480行了到家了Allright,I'mhome.2000:00:57,570-->00:01:00,300北极考察非常成功TheArctice某peditionwaaremarkableucce.2100:01:00,370-->00:01:02,760说不定我将来能得一个诺贝尔奖I'mallbutcertainthere'aNobelPrizeinmyfuture.2200:01:02,820-->00:01:04,080其实不应该这样说Actually,Ihouldn'taythat.2300:01:04,140-->00:01:05,850我完全确定能得I'mentirelycertain. 2400:01:06,060-->00:01:09,070不妈妈我感觉不到No,Mother,Icouldnotfeel2500:01:09,070-->00:01:11,480你的教会小组为我祈祷平安yourchurchgroupprayingformyafty.2600:01:12,510-->00:01:14,300就算我平安回家也不证明祈祷有效ThefactthatI'mhomeafedoenotprovethatitworked.2700:01:14,300-->00:01:16,180这个逻辑完全是个谬误Thelogicipothocergopropterhoc.2800:01:18,410-->00:01:22,200不我没有用爱斯基摩口吻跟你顶嘴No,I'mnotaingyouinEkimotalk.29 00:01:22,280-->00:01:24,320我去告诉佩妮我们回来了I'mgonnagoletPennyknowwe'reback.3000:01:24,320-->00:01:25,720妈妈我得挂了Mother,Ihavetogo.31 00:01:25,720-->00:01:27,940爱你拜Yeah,loveyou.Bye.3200:01:28,840-->00:01:31,540好啊老朋友Hello,oldfriend.3300:01:39,840-->00:01:41,390爹爹回来了Daddy'home.3400:01:43,510-->00:01:45,730莱纳德你回来啦Leonard,you'reback.35 00:01:45,800-->00:01:47,920对我过来跟你说...Yeah.Ijuttoppedbytoay--hmph!3600:01:53,000-->00:01:55,060-嗨-嗨-Yeah.So,hi.-Hi.3700:02:03,130-->00:02:06,600妈的早知道我先来说我们回来了Damnit,Ihouldhavegoneoverandtoldherwewereback.3800:02:12,030-->00:02:14,070就是先到先得嘛00:02:34,210-->00:02:35,810生活大爆炸第三季第一集40 00:02:41,370-->00:02:42,580先跟你们俩声明Ijutwantyoubothtoknow,4100:02:42,580-->00:02:44,020等我发表我的发现时WhenIpublihmyfinding,4200:02:44,020-->00:02:46,060我不会忘记你们的付出的Iwon'tforgetyourcontribution.4300:02:46,060-->00:02:47,420-太好了-谢谢-Great.-Thank.4400:02:48,100-->00:02:50,590但在诺贝尔领奖感言中不能提及你们Ofcoure,Ican'tmentionyouinmyNobelacceptancepeech,4500:02:50,590-->00:02:52,330不过写传记时butwhenIgetaroundtowritingmymemoir,46。

生活大爆炸3
《生活大爆炸》是一部以科学家们的日常生活为主要题材的美国情景喜剧。

第三季在2009年9月21日首播，共23集。

故事还是围绕四位天才科学家莱纳德、谢耳朵、霍华德和拉杰的生活展开，他们已经成为众人眼中的科学怪人，四个人的个性各异，他们身处不同的爱情、职业、友谊等问题中。

在这一季中，我们看到了莱纳德试图与前女友斯蒂芬妮复合的努力，谢耳朵与女友布兰妮的分手和复合，霍华德在妻子伯纳黛特的帮助下逃离了空间站的险境，拉杰遇到了自闭症女孩莎拉时面临的困惑。

这一季也展现了众多著名科学家和名人客串出演，包括肯·詹金斯和斯蒂芬·霍金等。

整个故事情节新颖，对人物性格及爱情观等进行了深入解析，另外还涉及到社交网络、动画、游戏等领域的话题。

这一季的高潮部分是谢耳朵与布兰妮的分手，这是因为谢耳朵的分手技巧不够出色。

他向朋友求助后学会了一些方法，但最终还是因为他的本性问题导致了分手。

这场分手让观众看到了爱情的复杂性和不确定性。

总之，这一季的《生活大爆炸》融合了科技、文化、爱情等多种元素，给观众带来了轻松有趣和难忘的感受！。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E04 – The Pirate Solution[Scene: The apartment].Sheldon: This movie baffles me every time we watch it.Leonard: What do you mean?Sheldon:Well, the instructions are very clear, don’t feed the gremlins after midnight, don’t get the gremlins wet. How hard is that?Penny (arriving): Hi, guys. Hi, honey.Leonard: Hey.Howard: Ooh, we’re honey now, are we?Sheldon:Yes. Since their relationship became carnal, Penny has upgraded his designated term of endearment, thus distinguishing him from those she calls sweetie, usually in an attempt to soften a thinly-veiled insult.Penny: You’re boring people sweetie.Sheldon: Although, sometimes, she omits the veil entirely.Penny: So, what are you guys doing?Howard: Celebrating Columbus Day.Leonard: We’re watching Goonies, Gremlins and Young Sherlock Holmes. They were all written by Chris Columbus.Penny: Okay. What do you watch on Thanksgiving?Sheldon: The parade.Penny: Oh, you know, that reminds me, I usually go back to Nebraska for thanksgiving, but this year they’re calling it off on account of my brother’s trial.Leonard: What’s he on trial for?Penny:Oh, just a big misunderstanding. You know, you’d actually like my brother, he’s kind of a chemist. Anyway, I was thinking I’d have thanksgiving here, and you are all invited.Leonard: Oh. I’ll be there.Sheldon: Will you be serving cranberry jelly or cranberry sauce?Penny: I guess I could serve both.Sheldon: You guess? You don’t seem to have much of a handle on this.Howard: Yeah, I really wish I could, Penny, but every year my mother has all the relatives over and cooks up her famous tur-briska-fil.Penny: Tur-briska-fil?Howard: Turkey stuffed with a brisket stuffed with gefilte fish. It’s not as good as it sounds.Penny: Raj, what about you?Howard: Oh, he usually comes to my house. Right, pal? (Raj bursts into tears and runs away) All right, this year, you don’t have to eat the tur-briska-fil. I don’t even chew it. I swallow it like pills.【Opening Credits】[Scene: A few moments later.]Leonard:So, what’s going on with Raj?Howard: Well, the good news is, he has no problem with my mother’s tur-brka-fil.Penny: Hard to believe, but go on.Howard: The bad news is, he says he’s getting deporte d.Leonard:What do you mean, he’s getting deported?Sheldon: I believe it means that the U.S. Government is going to expel him from the country. He could theneither return to his native India, emigrate to another country that’s willing to accept him, or wander the high seas as a stateless pirate. Personally, I’d choose pirate.Howard: Penny, would you mind stepping outside so we can speak to him?Penny: Ugh, fine. But the man really needs to work on his girl issues.Sheldon: Another reason to consider a l ife of piracy. Even today, I understand that’s an all-male profession. Howard: Okay, she’s gone.Raj: Sorry. I lost my cool.Leonard:So, what’s going on?Raj:Okay, here’s the deal, six months ago, my research testing the predicted composition of trans-Neptunian objects ran into a dead end.Howard: So?Raj: So, my visa’s only good as long as I’m employed at the university, and when they find out I’ve got squat, they’re going to cut me off. By the way, when I say squat, I mean diddly-squat. I wish I had squat. Leonard: So, wait, what have you been doing for the past six months?Raj: You know, checking e-mail, updating my facebook status, messing up wikipedia entries. Hey, did you know Netflix lets you stream movies on your computer now?Sheldon: And you’ve continued to take the university’s money under false pretences? Highly unethical for an astrophysicist. Although practically mandatory for a pirate.Raj: I don’t want to go back to India. It’s hot and loud, and there’s so many people. You have no idea, they’re everywhere.Howard: Okay, guys, think, how do we keep Raj in the country?Penny (from outside): Why doesn’t he just get another job?Howard (after Raj whispers to him): What are you asking me for? I don’t know if you can talk now or not.[Scene: The university cafeteria.]Raj:Oh, beef, I’m going to miss you so much. Do you know, at the Mumbai McDonald’s, you can’t get a Big Mac? All you can get is a Chicken Maharaja Mac. And the special sauce, curry, which, in India,believe you me, is really not that special.Leonard: Don’t worry, you’ll find another job.Raj:Yeah let me start practicing for it. Do you want fries with that Maharaja Mac?”Sheldon: Hi, Leonard. Hello, Raj.Raj: Hello Sheldon.Sheldon: Forgive me, as you know, I’m no adept at reading facial cues, but I’m going to take a stab here, you’re either sad or nauseated.Raj: I’m sad.Sheldon:I was going to say sad. I don’t know why I hedged.Raj: What are you eating?Sheldon: Elbow macaroni with ground hamburger and tomato sauce.Raj: Oh, beefa roni. I think I’ll miss you most of all.Leonard: I’ve always been a little confused about this. Why don’t Hindus eat beef?Raj: We believe cows are gods.Sheldon: Not technically. In Hinduism, cattle are thought to be like God.Raj: Do not tell me about m y own culture, Sheldon! In the mood I’m in, I’ll take you out, I swear to cow! Sheldon: I’m sorry.Raj: Me, too. I’m just, I’m a little on edge.Sheldon: Understandable. Your entire life seems to be crumbling around you, and your future appears bleak at best.Raj: Thank you.Sheldon: And you’re wrong about Hinduism and cows.Howard (arriving): Hey, Raj, guess what. Professor Laughlin is looking for someone to join the stellar evolution research team.Raj: You, you’re kidding. That’s fantastic!Howard: Come on, what are you waiting for? Call him and set up an interview.Raj: I’m on it.Sheldon:That’s happy, right?Leonard: Yeah.Sheldon: Nailed it.[Scene: Professor Laughlin’s office.]Prof Laughlin: Dr. Koothrappali, come on in. I was surprised to hear you were interested In joining our little team. Giving up on those trans-Neptunian objects, are we?Raj: No, no, it’s a very promising area. In a perfect world I’d spend several more years on it. But I just couldn’t pass up the opportunity to work with you on your tremendously exciting and not yet conclusively disproved hypothesis.Prof Laughlin: Splendid. Uh, please sit down. Can I offer you a sherry?Raj: It’s a little early, isn’t it?Prof Laughlin: Not on Proxima Centauri.Raj: That’s very good. Jolly amusing, but if you don’t mind, I’ll hold off until sunset on titan.Prof Laughlin: Oh, well done. I have a feeling you’re going to fit in just fine, Dr. Koothrappali.Raj: Thank you, sir.(There is a knock on the door. A young woman enters)Woman:I’m sorry. Am I late?Prof Laughlin: No, no, no. Right on time. Dr. Koothrappali, may I present Dr. Millstone from MIT. She’ll be heading up our data analysis team.Dr Millstone: It’s nice to meet you, Dr. Koothrappali. I read your paper on Kuiper belt object size d istribution.I really enjoyed it. How did you correct for the selection bias?(During this, Raj surreptitiously wanders over to where Prof Laughlin’s drinks are, pours himself a large sherry and knocks it back in one.)Raj: Well, I ran a simulation that allowed me to correct for the observational efficiency.Dr Millstone: That’s just fascinating.Raj: Thank you. Would you like to hear more about it in my hot tub? So, when do I start?[Scene: The apartment.]Howard:What do you mean you didn’t get the job? How could you not get it?Raj: You know, he’s British, I’m Indian, ever since Gandhi they haven’t liked us very much.Leonard: Wait, are you saying that he discriminated against you? Because we should file a complaint. Raj:That’s okay. A complaint has been filed. So, that’s it. That was my last hope. I’m going to be deported, sent home in disgrace, exposed to the sardonic barbs of my cousin Sanjay. Or, as you may know him, Dave from AT&T customer service.Howard: I’m really going to miss you.Raj: Will you come visit me in India?Howard: Gee, that’s, like, a 17-hour flight. How about I meet you halfway?Raj: Halfway is 600 miles off the coast of Japan.Howard: Tell you what, we’ll skype.Sheldon (arriving): Gentlemen.Leonard: Hey.Sheldon: Raj, did you get the job with Professor Laughlin?Raj: No.Sheldon: I assumed as much. But never fear. Like the subordinate male protagonist in countless action movies who disappears half way through the second reel, I have returned to save the day. Odd, usually, he’s met by cheers. Anyway, I was thinking about exploring the string theory implications of gamma rays from dark matter annihilations, and it occurred to me that I could benefit…Leonard: Excuse me, Sheldon, how many reels before the subordinate male protagonist gets to his point? Sheldon: I’m sorry, if you didn’t cheer at my entrance, it’s too late to buy into the premise. Anyway, I got some extra money from the head of the department, and raj can come work for me.Raj: You want me to work with you?Sheldon: For me. You’re going to have to listen more carefully when you’re on the job.Raj:Okay, uh, please don’t take this the wrong way, but I’d rather swim buck-naked across the Ganges with a paper cut on my nipple and die a slow, agonizing death from a viral infection than work with you. Sheldon: For me.[Scene: Sheldon’s office.]Raj (knocking and entering): Sheldon, are you busy?Sheldon: Of course I’m busy.Raj: Shall I wait?Sheldon: Yes, please. (After about 30 seconds) How may I help you?Raj:I’ve reconsid ered your offer to let me work with you.Sheldon: For me.Raj: Yes, for you. I do, however, have a few conditions. First, at all times, I am to be treated as a colleague and an equal. Second, my contributions shall be noted in all published material. And third, you are never allowed to lecture me on Hinduism or my Indian culture.Sheldon:I’m impressed, Raj. Those are very cogent and reasonable conditions.Raj: Thank you.Sheldon: I reject them all.Raj: Then you leave me no choice. I accept the job.Sheldon: I’m sorry, I believe you’ve misunderstood. I’m not giving you the job. I’m simply affording you the opportunity to apply for it. Have a seat, we’ll get started with the interview.Raj:Wha… You’re kidding!Sheldon: Please.Raj: All right.Sheldon: So, t hat’s what you wear to an interview?Raj: Come on, dude, we’ve been friends for years.Sheldon: Oh, pulling strings, are we?Raj: Sheldon, for God’s sakes, don’t make me beg.Sheldon: Bazinga! You’ve fallen victim to another one of my classic practical jokes. I’m your boss now. You may want to laugh at that.[Scene: The apartment.]Penny:Ah, it’s nice having the place to ourselves, isn’t it?Leonard: Uh-huh. Now that Raj is working for Sheldon, I don’t have to chauffeur him around anymore. Plus, yeah, with them working late so much, we get some privacy.Penny: Mm-hmm. Hey, want to get a little crazy?Leonard: What are you thinking?Penny: Let’s slide over to Sheldon’s spot a make out.Leonard: You are a dirty girl.(as the making out is interrupted by a knock on the door)Penny: Oh, God, how did he know?Howard: Hello.Leonard: Hi, Howard.Howard: Am I interrupting?Leonard: Little bit, yeah.Howard: Guess I should have called.Penny: Yeah, maybe.Howard: Tonight’s the night I usually go line dancing with R aj at the palomino.Leonard: Uh-huh.Howard:But he’s working with Sheldon.Penny: Yes, we know.Howard: Want me to leave?Leonard: You know, whatever.Howard: Okay, I guess I can hang for a little while. So what are we watching? Sex and the city.Yikes.Penny: Hey, I happen to love this movie.Howard: Fine, let’s watch it. Maybe all our periods will synchronize.[Scene: Sheldon’s office.]Sheldon: All right, we’re going to be designing an experiment to look for the annihilation spectrum resulting from dark matter collisions in space.Raj: Ooh, dark matter. We better bring a flashlight. I was making a joke.Sheldon: I’m the boss. I make the jokes.Raj: Sorry, go ahead and make your joke.Sheldon: This is not the time for joking. We’re doing serious research, which requires complete and utter focus.Raj: All right, let’s buckle down and work.(To the tune of Eye of the Tiger by Survivor, there is a montage of images, in all of which Sheldon and Raj are staring at the same equation on a whiteboard.)Raj: Sheldon.Sheldon: What?Raj: I need an aspirin.Sheldon: Top desk drawer.Raj: Thank you.Sheldon: Alright?Raj: Yes.Sheldon: Good.(Montage of scenes resumes)[Scene: Penny and Leonard exiting Leonard’s bedroom. ]Leonard: That was fun. Thank you.Penny: L eonard, honey, you don’t have to say thank you every time we have sex.Leonard: Oh. Okay. Tomorrow you’re going to get a card in the mail. Just throw it away.Howard:Top o’ the mornin’o ya!Leonard: What are you doing here?Howard: Well, usually, on Sunda ys, I go with Raj to scam on hippie chicks at the farmers market, but he’s stillworking with Sheldon, so I thought I’d come over here and make you guys scrambled eggs and salami. It’s the perfect meal for apres l’amour.Penny: Oh, kill me.Howard: By the way, I couldn’t help overhearing your big finish. Bravo, Leonard.Penny: See, if you had killed me when I said kill me, I wouldn’t have had to hear that.Howard: What do you guys think? Want to take in a matinee, maybe go rollerblading, catch a step class? Penny: Do something.Leonard: Yeah, okay. Um, Howard, we need to talk.Howard:Sure. ‘sup, homes?Leonard: Uh, please understand that it’s not that we don’t want you around, but Penny and I occasionally need some alone time.Howard:Oh. I get it, I’m the third wheel. Sorry, I should have seen that. I’ll get out of your way. Uh, you’re gonna want to eat those eggs while they’re still hot.Leonard: Thank you. There’s lox and cream cheese in the fridge, the bagels are in the oven, I was warming them up.Penny:That’s great.Howard: I just hang out with my mom. That’s always fun.Leonard: Good.Penny: Are we terrible people?Leonard: I don’t know. What do you want me to do?Penny: Get him, bring him back.Leonard: Are you sure?Penny: Yeah.Leonard: Okay. Howard come back.Howard: Oh, you guys had me scared for a minute.[Scene: Sheldon’s office. Sheldon is writing on the whiteboard.]Raj:No, no, no, no! That rate is much too low for what we’d expect from this collision. Do you understand that we’re talking ab out dark matter colliding in outer space?Sheldon: Of course I understand. And who are you to tell me about outer space?Raj:I’m the astrophysicist. Astro means space.Sheldon: Astro means star.Raj: Okay, well, let me just tell you, if we were having thi s argument in my native language, I’d be kicking your butt.Sheldon: English is your native language.Raj: Okay, you got me there, but you’re wrong about this!Sheldon: There is a fine line between wrong and visionary. Unfortunately you have to be a visionary to see it. Raj: My god, you think that every thought that comes out of your head is pure gold. Well, let me tell you something. Some of those thoughts are pure caca.Sheldon: Caca?Raj: It means doo-doo.Sheldon: All right! First of all, Dr. Koothrappa li, when I first proposed that you work with me…Raj: Aha! So I am working with you.Sheldon: In this context, with me means for me.Raj: Ah, well, in this context… (blows raspberry)Sheldon: Oh! If I’m wrong, prove it.Raj: Okay. Here’s where we derive th e mass of the dark matter particle.Sheldon: No, no, no, you’ve misstated the atomic weight of the target.Raj: Let me finish.Sheldon:You’re defacing my work.Raj: I’m not defacing it, I’m fixing it.Sheldon: Give me the eraser.Raj: No.Sheldon: I said give it to me.Raj: Come and get it.Sheldon: Fine. (Uses hand as an eraser. Then realises his hand is dirty) Oh, lord. Dr. Koothrappali, as your superior, I forbid you from writing on my board!Raj: You are not my superior.Sheldon: I am in every way.Raj: Oh, yeah? Can you do this? ( Performs complex finger trick ) Nice working with you. I’m sorry, for you. (Exits. Sheldon stares a moment, then tries to perform the trick. Fails.)[Scene: Outside Raj’s flat].Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Raj. (Knock, knock, knock) Raj. (Knock, knock, knock) Raj.Raj: I’m busy.Sheldon: Doing what? (Performs finger trick again) All right, you’ve made your point.Raj: What do you want, Sheldon?Sheldon: I looked over the board and it turns out you were right.Raj: So you were wrong.Sheldon: I didn’t say that.Raj: That’s the only logical inference.Sheldon: Nevertheless, I didn’t say it. Anyway, I would like you to come back and work for me.Raj: For you or with you?Sheldon: In this context for me could mean with me.Raj: All right, but I have some conditions.Sheldon: I reject them all.Raj:I’ll take the job. See you Monday.Sheldon: Wait, you have to drive me home.Raj: How did you get here?Sheldon: I walked.Raj: So walk home.Sheldon: I can’t. There’s a big dog out side. On the way home, we can start thinking about methods of optimizing the detector for 500 GEV particles.Raj: All right. (As they walk down the corridor, Eye of the Tiger starts playing again.)(* to perform trick, place both hands together as if praying, then fold two middle fingers over so that they pass to the right of one another, finally rotate right hand anti-clockwise and waggle both middle fingers)。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E02 – The Jiminy Conjecture[Scene: The comic book store.]Howard：Sheldon,you're wrong.Wolverine was not born with bone claws.Sheldon：Howard,you know me to be a very smart man.Don't you think if I were wrong,I'd know it? Howard：Okay,first of all...Raj：Give it up,dude.You're arguing with a crazy person.Sheldon：I'm not crazy.My mother had me tested.Leonard：Hey,guys. –Raj：What are you doing here?Leonard：What do you mean? It's new comic book night.Raj：Yeah,but since you and Penny finally hooked up,we thought you two would be having bouncy naked yum-yum night.Leonard：There's more to life than sex,Raj.Howard：Okay,who had "Leonard flames out with Penny in less than 24 hours"?Sheldon：I did.Leonard：Nothing flamed out.We don't have to have sex every night,you know.Howard：You don't have to,but it's highly recommended.Raj：Yeah,take advantage of that window of opportunity before it slams shut on your little dinky.Leonard：It's not a matter of opptunity. We're getting to know each other. There's a learning curve. Howard：What's there to learn?You get naked,do nasty things to each other, then somebody makes scrambled eggs and salami.Easy peasy.Sheldon：Perhaps what Leonard is oblique referring to is the occurrence of some sort of sexual dysfunction. Raj：Okay,who had "Leonard gets a floppy disk"?Sheldon：Oh,a clever,albeit obsolete,euphemism for insufficient blood flow the male sex organ.Leonard：Nothing like that happened,all right? The sex was... just fine.Raj：Just fine?Oh,dude,the fourth Harry Potter movie was "just fine."Leonard：I'm not saying it was bad.I'm just saying it... wasn't great.Howard：Okay,when you say "it wasn'great,"do you mean for both of you?Because we can totally see it not being great for her.Am I right?Raj：Oh,yeah.Leonard：To tell you the truth,I think we were both a little...I don't know.Raj and Howard：Disappointed? Let down? Ashamed? Horrified? Repulsed?Leonard：All I know is,it wasn't the way I dreamed it would be.Howard：Sex is never the way I dream it's gonna be.Raj：That's because in your dreams, you're a horse from the waist down.Sheldon：Excuse me,Wolverine: Origin.Miniseries issue two,page 22.Retractable bone claws.If you people spent less time thinking about sex and more time concentrating on comic books,we'd have far fewer of these embarrassing moments.Credits Sequence[Scene: The apartment.]Leonard：Sheldon,dinner's here.Sheldon：Tandoori Palace?Leonard：No,we went somewhere new.Sheldon：You're good naturedly ribbing me,aren't you?Leonard：No,look,Mumbai Palace.Sheldon：Why?Why would we change?We had a perfectly good palace.Tandoori Palace is our palace. Leonard：Trust me,this will be just fine.Howard：You are the authority on "just fine."Leonard：What's that supposed to mean?Howard(after Raj whispers to him)：Yeah,exactly, "Not bad,but not great".Penny：What are they talking about?Leonard：I don't know.Sheldon：I know.As I'm sure you're aware...Leonard：Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh.Sheldon：If that's Morse code,That's terrible.As I was saying, you and Leonard had a disappointing sexual encounter.Earlier this evening, Leonard characterized as "just fine."So what you're seeing here is a continuation of the mocking that followed. Penny：Okay,yeah,well,I'm just gonna go eat my dinner elsewhere.Leonard：Maybe an airplane headed for a mountainside.Penny,wait.What is wrong with you?Sheldon：I sense I may have crossed some sort of line.Raj：Yeah,you...Howard：No,don't tell him.Let's see if he can figure it out.Penny：Ugh,I am so embarrassed!Leonard：Please don't be mad.Penny：What did you tell them?Leonard：Nothing bad,just that last night was fine.Penny：Fine? You said it was fine?Leonard：Yeah,it's a perfectly good word.You put it in front of "wine" or "dining," and you've really got something.Okay,well,let me ask you this: How was last night for you?Penny：It was... okay.Leonard：Okay?Penny：Yeah,it's a perfectly good word.I mean,you put it in front of "dokay" And you really got something.All right,look,let's not overreact,you know.For a lot of couples,it takes time to get to know each other's rhythms.Learn what the other person was and likes.Leonard：So,you've been through this before?Penny：INo.Leonard：Okay-dokay.Penny：You know,I think this is one of those things where talking about it is not going to make it better. Want a glass of wine?Leonard：So much. OkayPenny：See,we should've done this last night. You know,have a little wine,take the edge off.Leonard：Actually,ethyl alcohol inhibits electrical conduction in the nerve cells and stimulates reuptake receptors of inhibitory neurotranmitters like gamma-aminobutyric acid.Penny：Don't talk,just drink.Howard：No,you're misunderstanding. A shiksa goddess isn't an actual goddess. And we don't pray to them.We prey on them.Raj：Whatever,dude.The point is,Leonard's got one and you don't.Sheldon：Is this it.It was inappropriate to discuss Leonard and Penny's sex life in front of Leonard and Penny (Howard indicates that he has got it.).Oh,good! Now I can eat.Raj：What's that?Howard：Sounds like a cricket.Sheldon：Hang on.Based on the number of chirps per minute and the ambient temperature in this room, it is a snowy tree cricket.Howard：Oh,give me a freakin' break. How could you possibly know that?Sheldon：In 1890,Emile Dolbear determined that there was a fixed relationship between the number of chirps per minute of the snowy tree cricket and the ambient temperature.A precise relationship that is not present withordinary field crickets.Raj：How do you know what the exact temperature of the room is?Sheldon：Under the terms of my roommate agreement with Leonard,I've had unilateral control of thermostat ever since the sweaty night of '06.Howard：Ok,you were right about wolverine and bone claws,but you're wrong about the cricket.Sheldon：Howard,don't embarrass yourself. The science chirps for itself.Humorous word play.Howard：No,no,not this time.I know insects,my friend.I spent many childhood years capturing them with nets,putting them in glass jars,sticking pins through them, mounting them on corrugated cardboard with Dymo labels underneath,identifying the genus and species.In Latin.Raj：Oh,dude,you are never getting a shiksa goddess.Sheldon：That is a snowy tree cricket. Oecanthus fultoni.I was done with Latin by fifth grade.Howard：Okay,okay,tell you what.I am willing to bet anything that's an ordinary field cricket.Sheldon：I can't take your money.Howard：What's the matter,you chicken?Sheldon：I've always found that an inappropriate slur.Chickens are not by nature,at all timid.In fact,when I was young, my neighbor's chiken got loose and chased me up the big elm tree in front of our house.Raj：Chickens can't climb trees.Sheldon：Thank God.Howard：Okay,I believe a chicken made you his bitch.But the cricket thing,I don't buy.Bet me.Sheldon：Fair enough.What stakes do you propose?Howard：I would put my Fantastic Four of No. 48 first appearance of Silver Surfer,against your Flash 123, the classic Flash of two worlds issue.Sheldon：All right,you have a wager.Raj：Hmm. Great.Now how are you going to settle it,hmm?There is no way to determine the species of the criet without examining it.Slight time shift. The guys are searching for the cricket.Raj:I wonder what the non-pathetic people are doing tonight.[Scene: Penny’s apartment, Penny and Leonard are kissing. They break and look at each other uncomfortably.]Leonard：More wine?Penny：Hit me.[Scene: The apartment, the guys are still searching for the cricket. They are inside the cupboard.] Sheldon：I don't see anything.Howard：Shh!Raj：Hallway. (All try to exit at once and get stuck in doorway.)Sheldon：One at a time.(Same thing happens again. Eventually they leave the apartment. There is a growling noise.)What was that?Raj：My stomach.Indian food doesn't agree with me.Ironic,isn't it?Howard：Shh!Elevator shaft.Sheldon：Help me open it.Howard：Are you crazy?We can't go down empty elevator shaft.Sheldon：Fine,if you don't want to proceed,then you forfeit the bet,and I'll take possession of your Fantastic Four.Howard：Let's open her up.Sheldon：Are you bothered that I can so easily manipulate you?Howard：Don't push me,Sheldon.I may be small,but I took kung fu when I was 13,and I remember a good deal of it.Sheldon：Oh,really?Well,I grew up with an older brother and a very contentious twin sister. And I believe Icould easily best you in any physical confrontation-- be it noogies,swirlies or the classic "Why are you hitting yourself?"Raj：Ooh,big talk from a man who was once treed by a chicken.[Scene: Penny’s apartment.]Leonard：What are we drinking now?Penny：Peppermint schnapps.Leonard：Why would you buy peppermint schnapps?Penny：Because I like peppermint,and it's fun to say schnapps.Hey,Leonard?Leonard：What?Penny：Schnapps.Leonard：Schnapps.You're right,that is fun.[Scene: The elevator shaft. Sheldon is inside.]Raj：Be careful.Sheldon：If I were not being careful,your telling me to be careful would not make me careful.Raj(hearing the cricket)：Stairwell.Sheldon：Uh-oh,flashlight went out. I need some batteries.Fellas? Hello? It's really dark down here.[Scene: Penny’s bathroom. Leonard is vomiting in the toilet.]Penny：Oh,sweetie. You really can't hold your liquor,can you?Leonard：I'm okay.Just a little mouthwash and then I'm gonna rock your world.Are you okay?[Scene: The university cafeteria. Raj has the cricket in a jar.]Raj：Ugh,Toby,what did you do in a past life to be so disgusting now?Sheldon：His name isn't Toby. Toby is an absurd name for a cricket.Raj：What would you name him?Sheldon：An appropriate cricket name. For example,Jiminy.Howard：All right,Sheldon,here we go. Kleingast's Field Guide to North American Insects. Hey Toby.Right here. See it?The common field cricket, AK Gryllus assimilis,which is Latin for "suck it,you lose." Sheldon：Hang on.Voilà.The snowy tree cricket. AKA Oecanthus fultoni, which is Latin for I'll suck nothing. Of course I'm joking because the Latin for that is nihil exsorbibo.Howard：That is not Toby, this is Toby.Sheldon：Raj,what do you think?Raj：Oh,I really don't care anymore.Leonard：God,I had the most horrible night.Raj：what happened？Sheldon：Obviously another carnal fiasco with the shiksi goddess.Howard：Shiksa. Shik-sa.Sheldon：Forgive me.Yiddish was not spoken in East Texas.And if it was,it wasn't spoken for long. Howard：Yeah,fine,whatever.The point is,you're wrong again.Sheldon：We haven't established that I'm wrong once. All right.Howard：Tell you what. Let's go down to the Entomology Department and let Professor Crawley tell us what kind of cricket Toby is.Sheldon：He's a snowy tree cricket, and his name is Jiminy.Leonard：I bet I could throw a rock in this room and come up with three better friends.[Scene: The Entomology Department.]Raj：Holy crap.It's like Silence of the Lambs down here.Don't do that.Howard：You're such a girl.The're just bugs.Raj：Yeah,well,I don't like bugs,okay? They freak me out.Sheldon：Interesting.You're afraid of insects and dybugs must render you catatonic.It was a joke.I made it to lessen your discomfort.You're welcome.Prof.Crawley(arriving)：Don't knock.Just walk in.Why be polite to the world's leading expert on the dung beetle?Sheldon：Excuse me,are you Professor Crawley?Prof.Crawley：Who wants to know?Sheldon：I'm Dr. Cooper from the Physics Department.Prof.Crawley：Couldn't wait,huh?Sheldon：I'm sorry?Prof.Crawley：I haven't even packed yet,and you're already measuring my lab for one of your godless laser machines.Howard：No,you don't understand. We just want to ask you a question.Prof.Crawley：Let me ask you one first. What's a world renowned entomologist with a doctorate and 20 years of experience to do with his life when the university cuts off the funding for his lab,huh?Raj：Ask rhetorical questions that make people uncomfortable?Prof.Crawley：What's your deal? Are they planning to outsource my job to Bangalore?Raj：I'm from New Delhi. Maybe you should find another entomologist.Sheldon：No,no. We're here. Let's settle this. Professor,can you identify our cricket?Prof.Crawley：Of course I can. I can identify every insect and arachnid on the planet. Not that that's going to keep me from having to move in with my daughter in Oxnard. And we're not talking Oxnard at the beach. No! We're talking Oxnard in the onion fields.Howard：Well,could you look at Toby?Prof.Crawley：Toby?What a stupid name for a cricket.Sheldon：Told ya.Prof.Crawley：It's a field cricket.Howard：Yes!Sheldon：No,no,wait.Dr. Crawley,are you sure?Prof.Crawley：Young man,I've been studying insects since I was eight years old.You know what they used to call me in school?Creepy Crawley.Sheldon：Cruel as that may be, But this is not in itself a credential.Prof.Crawley：Let me show you something.See that?That's a Crawley's dung beetle. I discovered it after spending six months slogging Through a Bornean rain forest, While my wife was back home shacking up with a two-bit ornithologist Who lives on a sailboat and likes to wear boot-cut jeans! So,when I tell you that it's a common field cricket, You can take that to the damn bank! 'Cause God knows I can't!That tramp took me for everything!Sheldon：Well,apparently,I was wrong.Congratulations.Raj：Enjoy Oxnard.I'm sure your daughter's looking forward to having you.[Scene: The lobby.]Penny：Oh,hey,Sheldon.What you got there? New comic book?Sheldon：Old comic book.I just retrieved it from my safe deposit box.Penny：What do you have a safe deposit box for?Sheldon：Old comic books.I lost this to Wolowitz in an ill-considered cricket wager.Penny：What,do they have Wii cricket now?That can't be very popular.Sheldon：Penny,I'd rather not talk about it.Penny：Well,if it makes you feel any better,I'm not feeling so hot either.Sheldon：Why would that make me feel better?Penny：I don't know,empathy? Anyway,I'm just saying,That you're feeling upset about something with Howard,-And I'm upset about something with Leonard.Sheldon：Yes.Yes,the disappointing sex. That's an inexact parallel.You and Leonard can always return to being friends,Whereas I can never return to a state In which Wolowitz has not bested me Like Mrs. Riley's chicken.Penny：What's Mrs. Riley's chicken?Sheldon：A chicken that was owned by MrsRiley.Penny：Okay,forget the chicken.Sheldon：Well,I wish I could.Penny：No,no.You may be right about me and Leonard.Sheldon：Of course I'm right.What are the odds I'd be wrong twice in one week?Penny：No,I mean,we can always go back to being friends.Sheldon：I just said that. This conversation has started to circle.Meeting adjourned.[Scene: The apartment]Sheldon: Hello.Leonard：Hi,What's going on?Sheldon：Oh,you'd like to catch up on the events of the day. All right Well,there was a half-hour wait at the bank To get into my safe deposit box, I was forced to talk to Penny about your sexual problems,And,oh,yes,In a moment filled with biblical resonance,Pride wentth before my fall, Causing my Flash 123 to go with to Wolowitz.Leonard：Wait a minute. You talked to Penny about our sex life?Sheldon：Leonard,it astonishes me how you continually fixate on the trivial.I lost a bet to Wolowitz. Leonard：Right,right. You're saying you talked to Penny?Sheldon：Ye-Yes.Leonard：Interesting.Sheldon：Hardly.Leonard：Excuse me.Sheldon：Have I crossed some sort of line again?Leonard：Little bit.Oh,who cares?[Scene: Penny’s doorway.]Leonard：Uh,what did Sheldon say to you?Penny：Not a lot.Just that we always have the option of going back to being friends.Leonard：Is that what you want?Penny：I don't know.I mean,you have to admit Things seemed simpler when we were just friends. Leonard：I guess.Penny：It would take the pressure off.Leonard：It would,wouldn't it?Penny：So,we'll just be friends.Leonard：Good.Good.Penny：Come here.(She gives him a hug. It turns into a big kiss.)Leonard (closing door): Okay-dokay。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E12 – The Psychic VortexScene: The apartment.Leonard:Look at us. Getting ready for a double date with actual women who publicly acknowledge they’re our girlfriends.Howard: Yes, actual women are the best.Sheldon: I don’t understand. What other kind of women are there?Leonard: Howard, artificial women are your department. You want to take this?Howard:No, it would just freak him out. Listen, before we leave, I should warn you, I’m a passionate man and I tend towards public displays of affection.Leonard: What are you trying to tell me, Howard?Howard: There might be some making out in the car or the restaurant, and I don’t want Bernadette to feel uncomfortable, so it would help if you and Penny made out, too.Leonard: D on’t worry. We’re planning to have sex right on the salad bar.Raj(arriving): Namaste, white people. Good news! I rented us the four-hour edition of Watchmen. Leonard: Got it.Howard: Seen it.Sheldon: Detailed analysis posted online.Raj: Well, then what are we going to do tonight?Leonard: Uh, sorry, Raj. Howard and I are going out to dinner with Penny and Bernadette.Howard: Yeah, no more carefree bachelor nights for me and Leonard. These broncos have been saddled. Leonard: How did we get actual women?Raj: Great. They get girlfriends, and they just abandon us?Sheldon:It is great, isn’t it? We have a wonderful evening ahead of us.Raj: We do?Sheldon:Oh, yes. I just discovered I don’t have enough room on my hard drive for a Linux partition, so you and I are going to perform a full backup, reinitialize and then reinstall all my operating systems.Raj:I don’t want to do that.Sheldon:All right. Well, I’m going to perform full backup, reinitialize and then reinstall all my operating systems.Raj: What about me?Sheldon: Well, I understand there are several types of artificial women. Maybe you should look into that.Credits sequence.Scene: A little later.Raj: Dude, there’s so many cool things we could be doing tonight. Look. At the Glendale Galleria, put on your best zoot suit, it’s a salute to Swing music in the center court near Macy’s. 5pm to 9pm, huh, huh? A salute to zoot. Sounds like a hoot.Sheldon: I’m sorry, Raj, I have no desire to salute any article of clothing tonight. Much less one that’s linked to race riots in the 1940s.Raj: Race riots?Sheldon: The zoot suit riots.Raj: Oh. I always thought that was some sort of after-Christmas sale. Well, then why don’t we just go to the galleria and walk around?Sheldon:I don’t need anything at the G alleria. Do you need anything at the Galleria?Raj: No. We would just walk around and see what’s what.Sheldon: That’s a semantically null sentence.Raj: Okay, well, how about this? From the university Web site, 7pm to 10pm, Norton Hall Multipurpose Room, mixer for grad students and faculty of the science and humanities departments. Whether you split atoms or infinitives, this is the place to be.Sheldon: Well, that’s certainly amusing, but I have no interest.Raj: Come on, Sheldon, the world is filled with people doing things outside. Let’s go outside. Outside is good.Sheldon: If outside is so good, why has mankind spent thousands of years trying to perfect inside?Raj:I don’t know, it’s a marketing scheme. Please, Sheldon, I’m a young, virile visitor fro m a foreign land and I need to strut my stuff.Sheldon: Let me offer you a compromise. Sometimes when I feel stifled and want a change of scenery, I use my imagination.Raj: Oh, boy.Sheldon:One of my favourite places to visit is the two-dimensional world described in Edwin Abbott’s mathematical fantasy, Flatland.Raj:I don’t want to go to Flatland.Sheldon:You’re only saying that because you haven’t been there. I am now a hexagon in two-dimensional space and can only perceive the edges of other objects.Raj: Oy.Sheldon: Is that you, Raj? I don’t recognize your edge.Raj: Sheldon, I’m begging you. I want to go to this mixer, and I don’t want to go alone.Sheldon: Well, you’re in luck, there’s a mixer here in Flatland. Oh, look, there’s a sexually attract ive line segment, you should chat her up.Raj: What?Sheldon:Tell her you’re a circle, Flatland gals are all hot for circles.Scene: Leonard’s car.Leonard: I hope you’re hungry, Bernadette, we’re going to a terrific restaurant.Bernadette: Oh, yeah, I’m starved. When you spend all day in a bio-lab, watching flesh-eating bacteria skeletonize small rodents it really works up an appetite.Howard: Flesh-eating bacteria. And yet, I still want to kiss this woman, what does that tell you?Penny: That you’d be w illing to die a horrible death on the off-chance you’d get to second base? Bernadette: Oh, we’re way past second base. Right, Howard?Howard: Well, we kind of disagree about what the bases are.Bernadette: How’s your work going, Penny? Any acting jobs?Penny: Well, the last big thing I did was this production of Diary of Anne Frank above a bowling alley. But I think things might be turning around pretty soon.Leonard: Great. How come?Penny: Well, promise you won’t make fun of me.Leonard: Of course, I would never make fun of you.Penny: Okay. Well, I went to this psychic who told me that if I cut my hair, I’m going to get a national commercial.Leonard (laughing): Seriously? You’re getting career advice from a psychic?Howard: Good job not making fun of her.Penny: She’s not one of those phonies, okay. She wrote a book and has her own Web site.Leonard:Oh, gee, why didn’t you say so? They don’t let just anyone have a Web site.Penny: Why are you being such a jerk?Leonard:You’re surprised? Your psychic didn’t tell you I was going to be a jerk?Penny: Ha-ha, bite me.Leonard: Come on, Penny.Howard: Why don’t you kids go ahead and chat? We’re gonna make out back here.Bernadette:I’m sliding into third.Scene: The university mixer.Raj: Thanks for coming with me.Sheldon: Thanks for giving me your limited edition Green Lantern lantern.Raj: Did you really have to bring it in with you?Sheldon: What if evil strikes and my power ring runs low?Raj: Come on, let’s get a drink.Sheldon:I don’t drink.Raj: Yeah, well I do. And when my wingman is carrying a Green Lantern lantern, I drink a lot. I’ll have a screwdriver, please. Don’t be chintzy with the screw.Sheldon: I would like a root beer float.Raj: Sheldon, they don’t have ice cream.Sheldon: They don’t? Wel l, apparently, these people and I differ greatly on the definition of party.Raj:He’ll have a Shirley Temple.Sheldon: And don’t be chintzy with the Shirley.Raj: Okay, let’s check out the females.Sheldon:All right. There’s a female.Raj: T hat’s Professor Wilkinson’s wife, she’s like 80 years old.Sheldon: But she’s female. Isn’t that the game?Raj:No. I’m looking for a hookup.Sheldon: Oh, yes. So, the point of this exercise is for you to find someone to copulate with?Raj: Not so loud, but ideally, yes. Thanks.Sheldon: Thank you. And what is my function as wingman?Raj: You help me run my game.Sheldon: Okay. What is your game?Sheldon: When I lie through my teeth to a woman, you nod and agree.Girl:Hey, that’s pretty cool. What is it?Sheldon:It’s a limited edition Green Lantern lantern. My friend is looking for someone to copulate with. Girl: You’re very funny. I’m Abby.Sheldon: I’m Sheldon. How do you do?Raj: How do you do? Rajesh Ramayan Koothrappali. Call me Raj.Abby: Hi, Raj. Where are you from?Raj: The mysterious subcontinent of India.Abby: Ooh, India.Raj: You know India?Abby: I saw Slumdog Millionaire.Raj: Well, I’m a slumdog astrophysicist.Sheldon: I thought your father was a gynaecologist. I’m sorry. (Smiles and nods)Abby: Martha, come here. Meet Raj and Sheldon. This is my friend, Martha.Martha: Hi.Raj: Hello.Sheldon: Hello.Martha: Is that the limited edition Green Lantern lantern?Sheldon: In brightest day, in darkest night, no evil shall escape my sight.Martha: Oh, that is so awesome.Sheldon: Thank you. Have you chosen one to copulate with?Scene: A restaurant.Bernadette: So, what should we talk about?Howard: Well, we could always learn more about why people who believe in psychics are idiots. Leonard? Penny: Oh, we don’t need to talk about that anymore. Leonard covered it pretty well in the car. Leonard: I’m sorry, but facts are facts.Penny:Right, and if you can’t understand it, it’s not a fact.Leonard: No, if it’s not a fact, it’s not a fact.Penny: Oh, got it. Thank you for educating me.Leonard: You’re welcome. How’s your fish?Penny: Amazing. Would you like to try some?Leonard: Yeah, sure.Penny:Well, the fact is, you can’t.Leonard:Come on, Howard, Bernadette, you’re both scientists. Help me out here.Howard: Wh at do you think? Want to jump right into the middle of another couple’s argument? Bernadette: No, thank you.Howard: Sorry.Leonard: Maybe we should just stop talking about this.Penny: Maybe some of us should stop talking altogether.Waiter: How is everything tonight?Bernadette: Really uncomfortable.Scene: The stairwell.Leonard:You know, the best thing about being in a committed, monogamous, mutually supportive relationship is that even if you have different ideas, you can have a spirited debate, yet still care for, even make love with… (she shuts the door in his face) Want your fish? (Opens door, takes fish, closes it again) I knew you were going to do that. Doesn’t make me psychic! Attaboy, Leonard, make it worse. (Opens his own apartment door to find Sheldon, Raj and the two girls playing Rock Band and performing American Woman)Leonard:What’s going on?Sheldon: We scored. I’m the wingman.Scene: Leonard’s lab.Howard: Hey.Leonard(handing him protective glasses): Laser.Howard: Had a great night last night. I don’t like to kiss and tell, but somebody made it to eighth base. Leonard: What the hell is eighth base?Howard: Seventh base with shirt off. Well, my shirt. How’d things go with Penny?Leonard:Oh, couldn’t be better.Howard: Are we taking our relationship frustrations out on innocent Cylons?Leonard:It’s not just Cylons. Superman’s next.Howard: All right, I was going to try to squeeze in a little more mocking before lunch, but I can come back later when you don’t have a high-powered weapon.Leonard: How can I go out with a woman who believes in psychics?Howard: Hey, I once dated a girl who believed she was abducted by aliens.Leonard:And that didn’t bother you?Howard: Au contraire. It meant she was gullible and open to a little probing.Leonard:What am I supposed to do, pretend I believe something I don’t whenever I’m with Penny? Howard:Hey, I’m sure Penny fakes all kinds of things when she’s with you.Leonard: Do me a favour, lean over, put your head right here.Howard: Let me show you another way to look at this. Here we have the universe of all women. These are the ones you want to sleep with. These are the women who believe exactly what you believe. These are the women who would be willing to sleep with you. And right there in theli ttle triple intersection is your ideal mate. Odds are she’s a short physicist with low self-esteem who lives in a government research facility in China.Leonard: What’s your point? In order to keep having a sexual relationship with Penny, I have to give up everything I believe in, my intellectual integrity, the very nature of who I am? I can’t do that, Howard. Howard: I respect that. (Takes Leonard’s hand, draws a dot on it.)Leonard: What is that?Howard: Your new girlfriend. Have fun tonight.Scene: The apartment. Sheldon is learning Finnish.Sheldon:The dog… koira. The roof… katto. Grapes… ryp leet. (There is a knock on the door) One minute. Sis n.Raj: What was that?Sheldon:It means come in. It’s taking forever to load the new operating system on my computer. I disinfected the kitchen and the bathroom, and now I thought I’d learn Finnish.Raj: (Hindi)That’s Hindi for whatever floats your boat. Uh, listen, I got a text from that girl Abby, and she and her friend Martha want to hang out with us again. What do you say?Sheldon: I don’t say anything. I merely offer you a facial expression that suggests you’ve gone insane. Raj: I don’t get it. You had a great time.Sheldon: Yes, exactly, I had a great time. That’s done, I’ve moved on to other things. For example, after I learn Finnish, I’m not going to learn Finnish again.Raj: Please, Sheldon, I’m a lost Indian boy far from home, and I want a girlfriend and I want her to be Abby, and she’ll only come over if she can bring Martha.Sheldon: Raj, I highly doubt there is any argument you can make, threat you might levy, rhetorical strategy, plea, invocation, supplication, or… vetoomus that you can employ that would convince me to reconsider. Raj: My Incredible Hulk hands signed by Stan Lee.Sheldon: Oh, my. I’ve admired these for years.Raj: So does that mean we can go with the girls again?Sheldon: Hulk agree to second date with puny humans!Raj:You can’t wear the hands on the date.Sheldon: Hulk sad.Scene: The laundry room.Leonard: Hey. Cleaning out the old dryer lint, huh? Not only is it courteous, it’s safety smart. Every year, 15,000 fires are caused by accidental dryer lint ignition. Now you’re supposed to say, wow, what an interesting fact. Come here, you crazy, nerdy guy. I could never be mad at you.Penny: Wow, that’s all you got after you were the most obnoxious person on a double date that included Howard Wolowitz?Leonard:No, I’m sorry. I really am. It’s not right to mock what a person believes in.Penny: Thank you. Would you be willing to go to my psychic and see what it’s all about?Leonard: Would you be willing to read a book that concisely explains how all psychics are frauds? Penny: I would not.Leonard:Okay, let’s go see your psychic.Penny: Really?Leonard: Well, yeah, one of us has to keep an open mind.Penny: You saying I don’t have an open mind?Leonard: No, not at all. Let me help you with this stuff.Penny: You know, I believe in ghosts, too.Leonard: Great.Penny: And astrology.Leonard: I know, and pyramid power and healing crystals.Penny: Oh, no, no, no, crystals don’t work.Leonard: Really, that’s the line? Psychics are real, but crystals are voodoo?Penny:Oh, voodoo’s real. You don’t want to mess with voodoo.Scene: The apartment.Martha: Flatland is more than just a mathematical essay. It is also a treatise on Victorian social mores. Sheldon: You know, I had never considered that. Wow, that’s going to completely change my visits there. Well, it’s late.Martha: Uh-huh.Sheldon: Time for bed.Martha: Okay.Sheldon: Good night, puny human! (He gets up and leaves).Scene: Outside Sheldon’s bedroom.Martha: Sheldon?Sheldon: Yes?Martha: Listen, they’re kind of getting busy in the living room, and I was wondering if I could hang out in here for a while.Sheldon: Well, I suppose. Com e in. I’ll sleep in Leonard’s room. Good night。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E03 – The Gothowitz Deviation[Scene: The apartment kitchen. Penny is cooking breakfast while singing and dancing along to “Man I Feel Like A Woman” by Shenia Twain. Sheldon enters.]Penny: Morning, Sheldon. Come dance with me.Sheldon: No.Penny: Why not?Sheldon: Penny, while I subscribe to the many worlds theory which posits the existence of an infinite number of Sheldons in an infinite number of universes, I assure you that in none of them am I dancing.Penny: Are you fun in any of them?Sheldon:The math would suggest that in a few I’m a clown made of candy. But I don’t dance.Penny: All right, want some French toast?Sheldon:It’s Oatmeal Day.Penny: Tell you what, next French Toast Day, I will make you oatmeal.Sheldon: Dear Lord, are you still going to be here on French Toast Day?Leonard: Morning.Sheldon: Look, Leonard, Penny made French toast.Leonard:Sorry. I haven’t given her your schedule yet.Sheldon:It’s an iCal download, she can put it right in her phone. And I thought we agreed that you’d have your conjugal visits in her apartment.Leonard: We did, but there were extenuating circumstances.Sheldon: I see. Did her abysmal housekeeping skills finally trump her perkiness?Leonard: No, her bed kind of… br oke.Sheldon: That doesn’t seem likely. Her bed’s of sturdy construction. Even the addition of a second normal size human being wouldn’t cause a structural failure, much less a homunculus such as yourself.Penny: A homunculus?Leonard: Perfectly formed miniature human being.Penny:Oh, you’re my little homunculus.Leonard: Don’t do that.Penny: Sorry. Okay, who wants syrup and who wants cinnamon sugar?Sheldon: I want oatmeal.Penny: Yes, well, I want a boyfriend whose roommate isn’t a giant pain in the ass.Sheldon: I’m sure that will happen soon enough. But in the meantime, I still want oatmeal.Penny: You know what, I give up. He’s impossible.Sheldon: I can’t be impossible. I exist. I believe what you meant to say is, “I give up, he’s improbable.”Leonard: Sheldon, you really need to find a better way of dealing with Penny.Sheldon: What am I supposed to do, eat French toast on a Monday? Now, that would be impossible. Leonard: I’m just saying, you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.Sheldon: You can catch even more flies with manure. What’s your point?Leonard: It’s a… (gives up)Sheldon: Boy, that does smell good. Too bad it’s Monday.Credits sequence.[Scene: The apartment].Penny: Okay, so Kim the night manager went on maternity leave, and her husband’s name is Sandy, right? So get this, her replacement is a woman named Sandy whose husband’s name is Kim.Penny: I know. What are the odds?Sheldon: Easily calculable, we begin by identifying the set of married couples with unisex names. We then eliminate those unqualified for restaurant work, the aged, the imprisoned and the limbless, for example. Next we look at…Leonard:Sheldon! it’s an amazing coincidence, can we leave it at that?Sheldon: I’m sorry. Ooh, Penny, it’s as if the Cheesecake Factory is run by witches.Penny: Ooh, Sheldon, it’s as if you don’t think I’ll punch you.Leonard: Come on, you guys, let it go.Penny: Fine, whatever. Are you finished?Sheldon: Well, thank you. How thoughtful. Would you like a chocolatePenny: Um, yeah, sure, thanks.Leonard: What was that?Sheldon: You said be nice to Penny. I believe offering chocolate to someone falls within the definition of nice. Leonard: It does. But in my experience, you don’t.Sheldon: There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy. Leonard: Yeah, yeah, now that’s you, obnoxious and insufferable.Howard (arriving, in goth gear): What’s going on, day dwellers?Penny:Oh, man, did the Kiss Army repeal don’t ask, don’t tell?Howard: No. Raj and I are going a goth club in Hollywood to hang with the night people. Anybody want to come along?Penny: Oh, wow, you’re actually going out like that?Howard: No, no. I’m going out like this. (Whips off jacket to reveal tattoos up both arms)Leonard: Howard, what did you do?Howard: They’re called tattoo sleeves. Look. I bought them online, Raj got a set, too. Fantastic, right? Put them on, have hot sex with some freaky girl with her business pierced, take them off, and I can still be buried in a Jewish cemetery.Sheldon: You know, I’ve always wanted to go to a goth nighclub.Howard: Really?Sheldon: Bazinga! None of you ever see my practical jokes coming, do you?Howard: Okay, how a bout you two? Look, I’ve got some extra tat sleeves.Leonard: Why are you carrying extras?Howard: Well, In case I snag one on someone’s nipple ring.Penny: Uh, yeah, I think we’ll pass.Howard: Oh, is the missus speaking for the couple now?Leonard: In this case, you bet she is.Howard (after Raj whispers): Yes, she’s pushy and yes, he’s whipped, but that’s not the expression. Come on, I want to stop at Walgreens and pick up some more eyeliner.Leonard:They’re gonna get beaten up at that club.Penny: They’re gonna get beaten up at Walgreens. Oh, sorry, Sheldon, I almost sat in your spot. Sheldon: Did you? I didn’t notice. Have a chocolate.Penny: Thank you.[Scene: The goth club.]Raj:I think we’re fitting in quite nicely.Howard: It’d help if you weren’t drinking light beer.Raj: Oh, what’s so gothic about vodka and cranberry juice?Howard: Hello, it looks like blood. Did you even read the Wiki How link I sent you on being goth?Raj:No, I’m behind on my wiki-reading I’m kind of on a John Grisham k ick right now.Raj: Well, I finished reading The Pelican Brief and loved it so much, I dived right into The Client. He was a lawyer himself so his novels are accurate as well as entertaining.Howard: Just remember we are lost boys, children of the night.Raj: Great. Lost boys, children of the night. Got it. Can you pass the Chex mix, please. Thank you. We are lost boys.Girl: Good for you.Howard: I’m actually much morelost than he is.Girl: Nice ink.Howard: Thanks. Can we buy you ladies a drink?Girl: Two light beers.Raj: Light beers? Well, Wiki-how about that?Second girl:What’s your names?Howard:I’m Howard.Raj: Raj.Girl:I’m Bethany.Howard: Nice to meet you, Bethany.Raj: Yes, very nice.Bethany: Nice to meet you too.Second girl: I’m Sarah. Not that anyone cares.Raj: Do either of you ladies enjoy the novels of John Grisham?[Scene: The apartment. ]Penny: What’s this cartoon called again?Leonard: Oshikuru: Demon Samurai.Sheldon: And it’s not a cartoon, it’s anime.Penny: Anime. You know, I knew a girl in high school named Anna May. Anna May Fletcher. She was born with one nostril. Then she had this bad nose job and basically wound up with three.Sheldon: You’re here a lot now.Penny: Oh, am I talking too much? I’m sorry. Zip.Sheldon: Thank you. Chocolate?Penny: Yes please. (Her phone rings) Oh. Hey, Kim. Yeah, I… (sees Sheldon looking disapprovingly) You know what, hold on, let me take this in the hall. (Sheldon silently offers her another chocolate. She takes it.) You’ll never guess who they got to replace you at work…Leonard: Okay, I know what you’re doing.Sheldon: Really?Leonard: Yes, you’re using chocolates as positive reinforcement for what you consider correct behaviour. Sheldon: Very good. Chocolate?Leonard: No, I don’t want any chocolate! Sheldon, you can’t train my girlfriend like a lab rat.Sheldon: Actually, it turns out I can.Leonard: Well, you shouldn’t.Sheldon: There’s just no pleasing you, is there, Leonard? You weren’t happy with my previous approach to dealing with her, so I decided to employ operant conditioning techniques, building on the work of Thorndike and B.F. Skinner. By this time next week, I believe I can have her jumping out of a pool, balancing a beach ball on her nose.Leonard: No, this has to stop now.Sheldon: I’m not suggesting we really make her jump out of a pool. I thought the “bazinga” was implied. I’m just tweaking her personality, sanding off the rough edges if you will.Leonard: No, you’re not sanding Penny.make our lives better?Leonard:Yes, you’re forbidden.Sheldon (Squirting him with a water spray): Bad Leonard.[Scene: The goth club.]Bethany: So what do you guys do?Howard: Oh, you know, goth stuff. Goth magazines, goth music.Raj: Goth food.Sarah: What’s goth food?Raj: Uh… blackened salmon?Bethany: No, I meant what do you do for jobs?Raj: Oh, we’re scientists.Howard: Yeah, you know, the dark sciences.Bethany: What are the dark sciencesRaj: Well, I am an astrophysicist and a lot of that takes place at night. When there are vampires and miscellaneous undead out and about.Howard: Oy vay.Raj: That sounds really cool.Howard: Does it? Okay, if you like space stuff, I design components for the international space station. Which is in space. Where, as I’m sure you know, no one can hear you scream.Raj: So what do you gals do?Bethany: I work at the Gap.Howard: Really? How about that? I’ve been to the Gap.Raj: Yeah, I’ve been there as well. I like your tee-shirts with the little pocket.Sarah: I work there too. Not that anyone cares. You know, this place is boring.Bethany: Yeah. Why don’t we go somewhere else and have some fun?Howard: Okay.Raj: Sure, we like fun.Howard: We are fun people.Raj: Dark and fun.Bethany: Come on, I know a place you’ll really dig.Howard: Did you bring the black condoms?Raj: In my fanny pack.Howard: Let’s go.[Scene: A tattoo parlour. Bethany is getting a tattoo.]Raj: Are you happy now?Howard: Not particularly.[Scene: The apartment.]Penny(voice outside door): Oh’ my God, she didn’t!Leonard: What could she possibly be talking about for so long?Sheldon:Obviously, waitressing at the Cheesecake Factory is a complex socioeconomic activity, that requires a great deal of analysis and planning. Bazinga! You know, using positive reinforcement techniques, I could train that behaviour out of her in a week.Leonard: No.Sheldon: If you let me use negative reinforcement, I can get it done before we go to bed.Leonard: You’re not squirting her in the face with water.Leonard: Forget it.Sheldon: Oh, come on, you can’t tell me that you’re not intrigued about the possibility of building a better girlfriend.Leonard: I’m not. And Penny’s qualities, both good and bad, are what make her who she is.Sheldon: You mean, like that high-pitched, irritating laugh?Leonard: Yes.Sheldon:You wouldn’t prefer a throaty chuckle?Leonard: You’re not changing how Penny laughs.Sheldon: No, that would be incongruous, I was going to lower the whole voice to a more pleasing register. Penny(entering): Uh, sorry guys, that girl is (high pitched) freaky!Sheldon: Come again?Penny (normal voice): Freaky.Sheldon(lower voice): Freaky?Penny(lower voice): Yeah, freaky.Sheldon: Have a chocolate.Penny: Thank you.[Scene: The tattoo parlour. Howard is laying down, preparing to have a tattoo on his lower back]. Raj: Are you seriously going to deface your body just for the possibility you could have cheap sex with a strange girl you met in a bar?Howard: Uh, yeah!Raj: What is your mother going to say?Howard: She’s not going to see it. She takes my temperature orally now.Bethany: What are you going to get, Howard?Howard: Well, I can’t really decide between a screaming devil, this mean little skull or Kermit the Frog. Bethany: Kermit the Frog?Howard: You know (Kermit voice) Hi ho, I’m on Howard’s butt!Bethany: Get the mean little skull, and I’ll see if I can make him smile.Howard: Yeah, I’d like the mean little skull, please.Sarah: What are you going to get, Raj?Raj: With my luck, hepatitisTattooist: Okay, here we go.Howard: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!Tattooist:That’s just rubbing alcohol.Howard: I know, but it was cold. Ow, ow, ow!Tattooist: I’m putting on the stencil.Howard: What comes after the stencil?Tattooist: This.Howard: Aaaaaargh! Okay, that’s it, no needle, no pain, no tattoo.Bethany:What’s the big deal, you’ve done this before.Howard: No, I haven’t, look. (Rips off tattoo sleeves)I’m sorry, I’m a fraud, he’s a fraud.Raj: We’re both frauds.Howard: Yeah, I think I covered that.Raj: But I was summing up.Howard: We’re not goth, we’re just guys.Raj: Very, very smart guys.Bethany: So you were totally scamming us?Howard: Yes. And I wouldn’t blame you if you walked out of here and never wanted to see us again. UnlessBethany: I’m leaving.Sarah:I’m leaving too. Not that anyone cares.Raj: When we tell this story, let’s end it differently.Howard: What are you thinking? Maybe a big musical number?[Scene: The apartment.]Sheldon: Well, I’m going to make some warm milk and then turn in. I trust if you two are planning in engaging in amorous activites, you’ll keep the decibel level to a minimum.Penny: Of course.Sheldon: Thank you. (Throws a chocolate. Penny catches it in her mouth)Penny: Mmm, these are so goodLeonard: Unbelievable.Penny: What?Leonard: I was just thinking, we should probably turn in too.Penny: well, my new bed got delivered, if you come over and put it together, you can stay at my place. Leonard:Really, that’s a lot of work, and it’s kind of late.Penny: Yeah, but if we stay there, we won’t have to be quiet.Leonard: Let’s go.Sheldon: Interesting. Sex works even better than chocolate to modify behaviour. I wonder if anyone else has stumbled on to that.[Scene: Raj’s car.]Howard: Okay, wait, how about this? We say there were four goth girls, the two girls in the club had two friends.Raj: I like it, I like it. Did they smell good despite their gothlike nature?Howard: What’s that got to do with the story?Raj: Engaging my olfactory sense helps make it real for me.Howard: Fine, they smelled good.Raj: Oh, they did. Like jasmine and honeysuckle.Howard: Whatever.Raj: And then they held hands and did a sexy, demonic hokey-pokey for us.Howard: No, no. Look, let me say my story all the way through, and then you can say yours, and then we’ll pick.Raj: I’m sorry. Go on.Howard: Okay. We got tattoos, and then the four girls took us to their place.Raj: But we don’t have tattoos. What if someone asks to see our tattoos?Howard: We say they’re in a very intimate area.Raj:Oh, we are bad boys, aren’t we?Howard: Right, right, so we go back to their place, and then the six of us end up in a hot tub.Raj: But we just got tattoos. Wouldn’t we be concerned about bacterial infection?Howard: True. Okay, forget the hot tub. The point is, we each have a ménage with sexy goth girls.Raj: Wow. What a great night.Howard: Yeah. Hey, want to try a country bar tomorrow night.Raj: Yeah, maybe we’ll get lucky with some sexy cowgirls.Howard: Could happen.Raj: I wonder how they smell.。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E23 – The Lunar ExcitationScene: On the roof of the apartment building.Leonard: Okay, we’ve got power to the laser.Sheldon: I should’ve brought an umbrella.Leonard: What for? It’s not going to rain.Sheldon: I know that, but with skin as fair as mine, moon burn is a real possibility.Howard: That’s a bazinga, right?Sheldon: One of my best, don’t you think?Leonard: Howard, do you want to double-check the equatorial mount on the laser? We need it locked onto the Sea of Tranquility.Howard: You got it. Oh, Raj, no. Billions of dollars have gone into inventing the Internet and filling it with pictures of naked women, so we don’t have to peep through windows.Raj: It’s not like that, I’m watching someone’s TV. The Good Wife is on. I tell you, this is my new Grey’s Anatomy.Sheldon: Leonard, Leonard. What is that? What is that?Leonard: Relax, it’s just a dirty sock.Sheldon: How on earth can you say dirty sock and relax in the same sentence?Leonard: Sheldon, the world is filled with dirty discarded socks.Sheldon: Not my world.Leonard: Hey, you know who’d really dig seeing this experiment? Penny.Sheldon: I wasn’t aware that lunar ranging was her thing. Although, I suppose the retro-reflector left on the moon by Neil Armstrong does qualify as a shiny object.Raj: Why don’t you ask her to come up?Leonard: I don’t know, it’s still a little weird since, you know…Howard: She dumped you?Leonard: She didn’t dump me. We were just in different places in the relationship.Sheldon: I fail to see how a relationship can have the qualities of a geographic location.Howard: Oh, it’s very simple. Leonard was living in a little town called please don’t leave me, while Penny had just moved to the island of bye-bye.Leonard: Screw you guys. I’m gonna go see if she’s home.Howard: If it’s not too much trouble, I’d like to point this at the moon now.Raj: Wait a second, the good wife is crying. Something’s very wrong.Credits sequence.Scene: Penny’s door.Penny: Oh, hi. What’s going on?Leonard: We’re up on the roof bouncing laser beams off the moon.Penny: I’m sorry, what?Leonard: It’s pretty cool. We’ve got a two-meter parabolic reflector and everything. I thought you might want to see it.Man in Penny’s Apartment: That makes no sense.Penny: Um…Man: How can you bounce stuff off the moon? There’s no gravity.Penny: Uh, Leonard, this is Zack. Zack, Leonard.Zack: Hey.Leonard: Oh, sorry, I didn’t know you were busy. Maybe another time.Penny: Yeah, maybe.Zack: Hey, I want to see this laser thing.Penny: Oh, but what about the party?Zack: It’s a surprise party, doesn’t matter when we get there.Penny: Oh, right.Leonard: Okay, well, yeah, come on up. So, how’d you two guys meet?Zack: My company designs the menus for the Cheesecake Factory.Leonard: Your company?Zack: Well,, my dad, but me and my sister are VPs.Leonard: So, menus.Zack: I know it sounds easy but there’s a lot of science that goes in designing them.Scene: The roof.Howard: Happy now? I’m moving the dirty sock.Sheldon: Thank you. Raj, keep an eye out for the other one.Penny: Hey, guys, this is my friend Zack.Zack: Hey.Sheldon: Hello.Zack: Whoa! Is that the laser? It’s bitchin’.Sheldon: Yes. In 1917, when Albert Einstein established the theoretic foundation for the laser in his paper Zur Quantentheorie der Strahlung, his fondest hope was that the resultant device be bitchin’.Zack: Well, mission accomplished.Leonard: Let me explain what we’re doing here. Um, in 1969, the astronauts on Apollo 11 positioned reflectors on t he surface of the moon, and we’re going to shoot a laser off one of them and let the light bounce back into this photomultiplier.Penny: Oh! That’s very cool.Zack: One question. How can you be sure it won’t blow up?Leonard: The laser?Zack: The moon.Sheldon: See, now this is a man for Penny.Leonard: Uh, that’s a great question, Zack.Sheldon: No, it’s not.Penny: Sheldon! Play nice.Sheldon: Well it’s not a great question. How could somebody possibly think we’re going to blow up the moon? That’s a great question.Leonard: Don’t worry about the moon. We, we set our laser to stun.Zack: Smart.Leonard: Now, we’ll be able to see the beam when it leaves, but it won’t be strong enough when it comes back to be seen by the naked eye.Zack: Naked.Leonard: Right. Uh yeah, funny. Uh, that device there will measure the photons that return and let us see it on this computer. Raj, get them some glasses.Zack: Cool, it’s gonna be in 3-D?Howard: Preparing to fire laser at the moon.Sheldon: Make it so.Howard: There i t is. There’s the spike!Leonard: 2.5 seconds for the light to return. That’s the moon! We hit the moon!Zack: That’s your big experiment? All that for a line on the screen?Leonard: Yeah, but, uh, think about what this represents. The fact that we can do this is the only way of definitively proving that there are man-made objects on the moon, put there by a member of a species that only 60 years before had just invented the airplane.Zack: What species is that?Sheldon: I was wrong. Penny can do better.Penny: Okay, guys, thank you, it’s been fun.Zack: Yeah, thanks. Should we invite them to the party?Penny: No, just keep walking.Sheldon: He must be very skilled at coitus.Scene: The apartment.Raj: I’m telling you, dude, the only way to feel better abo ut Penny going out with other guys is for you to get back on the whores.Howard: Horse.Raj: What?Howard: The phrase is get back on the horse, not whores.Raj: That’s disgusting, dude.Howard: No, it’s not… Never mind. He is right, though. If you want, I can turn you on to this great new dating site I found.Leonard: No, thanks.Howard: You sure? They say they can find a match for anybody.Leonard: Have they found a match for you?Howard: Tons. I’ve had, like, eight dates in the last month. And twelve if y ou count the ones who showed up and left.Sheldon: I can’t bring the nitrogen tank down.Leonard: Why not?Sheldon: All right, let me restate that. It’s very heavy, and I don’t want to.Leonard: I’ll help you.Sheldon: Thank you. Lift with your knees, not your back. Good night.Raj: You know what would be fun? Signing Sheldon up for online dating.Howard: Yeah, right.Raj: No, think about it. We make it an experiment. Like when Frankenstein’s monster was lonely and he found a wife.Howard: He didn’t find a wife. They built him a wife out of dead body parts.Raj: Okay, we’ll call that plan B.Scene: The apartment. It is night and the lights are off. Knocking.Leonard: Coming!Penny: Damn you, you rat bastard.Leonard: Are you drunk?Penny: Zack was a perfectly nice guy, and then you ruined him!Leonard: How did I ruin him?Penny: ‘Cause in the olden days, I never would’ve known he was so stupid.Leonard: Come on, he wasn’t that stupid.Penny: Yes, he was! He thought you were gonna blow up the moon!Leonard: O kay, yeah, he’s stupid.Penny: He spent the entire night bragging about how he invented the word appe-teasers.Leonard: How is that my fault?Penny: You have destroyed my ability to tolerate idiots. Now, come with me.Leonard: Where are we going?Penny: We’re gonna have sex.Leonard: Why? I mean, okay.Sheldon: What’s going on?Penny: Put on your noise-cancelling headphones, ’cause it’s gonna get loud.Sheldon: Oh! Not this again.Scene: The next morning.Sheldon: In what universe is this low-pulp? Good morning, Penny.Penny: What, do you have eyes in the back of your head?Sheldon: When one gets beaten up every other day in school, one of necessity develops a keen sense of hearing. Incidentally, one can get beaten up in school simply by referring to onesel f as one. I’m making English muffins. Would you like an English muffin?Penny: Oh, thanks, I’m not hungry.Sheldon: FYI, my noise-cancelling headphones proved ineffective last night.Penny: Yeah, sorry about that.Sheldon: As a native Texan, I must say I’v e never heard the phrase yee-haw used in quite that context. Penny: Oh, God.Sheldon: Oh, God. That I’ve heard on multiple occasions. In what universe is that lightly toasted? This has to be the worst day of my life. Good morning, Leonard.Leonard: How many times have I asked you not to do that?Sheldon: Counting this instance? 317.Leonard: Where’s Penny?Sheldon: She returned to her apartment. I presume to shower and vomit. Not necessarily in that order. Leonard: I wonder why she didn’t say good-bye.Sheldon: Are you expecting me to offer an explanation of human behaviour?Leonard: I know. I just thought as an outsider, you might be able to provide a fresh perspective. Sheldon: I have no difficulty believing you’re not butter.Scene: Penny’s door.Leonard: Oh, hey.Penny: Oh, hi. Um, I gotta run. Early shift.Leonard: Okay, I’ll walk down with you. So, last night was fun, huh?Penny: Yeah, it must have been. I just threw up in my closet.Leonard: Bummer. Anyway, I was thinking tonight maybe we could catch a movie.Penny: Oh, yeah, tonight’s not great for me.Leonard: Doesn’t have to be tonight. I’m free pretty much always.Penny: Leonard, last night was a mistake.Leonard: When you say mistake, do you mean a fortunate mistake, like the discovery of penicillin? Penny: Look, I’m sorry. I was drunk, I was lonely, I hated Zack. Can we just forget it ever happened? Leonard: No, it’s pretty well imprinted on my brain. Especially the whole rodeo thing.Penny: Oh, God!Leonard: So, that’s it? Wham, bam, thank you, L eonard?Penny: Look, I said I’m sorry. Can’t u please let it go?Leonard: How am I supposed to let it go? You used me for sex! Morning, Mrs. Gunderson.Mrs Gunderson: Good morning, Leonard. Or should I say yee-haw?Scene: The apartment.Raj: Holy crap.Howard: What?Raj: We finally have proof that aliens walk among us.Howard: Excuse me?Raj: The dating site matched a woman with Sheldon.Howard: You’re kidding. An actual woman?Raj: Yeah, look. Breasts and everything.Howard: Trust me, breasts doesn’t nec essarily mean woman.Raj: Since when?Howard: I’ll show you a picture of my Uncle Louie in a bathing suit sometime. Leonard, you gotta see this, we found a match for Sheldon.Leonard: Great. Maybe she can have sex with him, and then walk out on him the next morning without so much as a how do you do?Raj: Do you know what he’s talking about?Howard: Nope. Why don’t you ask him?Raj: Leonard, what are you talking about?Leonard: I don’t want to talk about it.Raj: That was a lousy suggestion.Howard: Whatever. Right now, Dr. Sheldon Cooper has to send an e-mail to his perfect match. Greetings, fellow life-form…Scene: A building corridor.Leonard: If she can do it, I can do it. If she can do it, I can do it. If she can do it, I can do it. (Knocks on door) I can’t do it.Leslie Winkle: Hello?Leonard: Oh, hi. Hey. Hi, Leslie.Leslie: Leonard Hofstadter. What’re you doing here?Leonard: Uh, I know! It’s been a while!Leslie: Yeah, 18 months.Leonard: Right. Right. So how you doing?Leslie: Fine. You?Leonard: U h, not bad. You remember when we used to have sex and you said that it didn’t mean anything, it was just for fun?Leslie: Yeah.Leonard: Uh, do you, uh, want to do that again?Leslie: What happened? Blondie dumped you?Leonard: She didn’t dump me. We were just in different places in the relationship.Leslie: Right.Leonard: Um, anyway, apparently, it’s okay to go back to people you’re no longer seeing and have recreational sex with them.Leslie: Uh-huh.Leonard: So, what do you say?Leslie: Let me think about it. (Slams door.)Leonard: She’s not coming back.Scene: The apartment.Raj: Uh-oh. She wants to meet us.Howard: Not us. Him.Raj: Yes, but him doesn’t even know about her.Howard: Well, him about to find out about her.Raj: Really? Us gonna tell him?Sheldon: Who’s going to tell whom about what?Howard: Sheldon. Hey.Raj: Hi.Sheldon: Your surprise confuses me. I live here.Howard: Right. So, listen, what are you doing tomorrow afternoon?Sheldon: Be more specific.Howard: Four thirty.Sheldon: That’s not afternoon. That’s preevning.Howard: What?Sheldon: It’s a time of day I invented. It better defines the ambiguous period between afternoon and evening. Preevning. I’m fairly certain it will catch on as it fills a desperate need.Raj: Right, okay. What are you doing tomorrow preevning?Sheldon: Well, tomorrow’s Saturday. Saturday night is laundry night, so I’ll be spending the preevning pre-sorting and pre-soaking.Howard: Okay, what if I were to tell you, tomorrow, at 4:30 you could meet a woman who has been scientifically chosen to be your perfect mate?Sheldon: I would snort in derision and throw my arms in the air, exhausted by your constant tomfoolery. Raj: But it’s true. But we-we put all your vital information into this dating site, answered all their questions just like you would, and they found a match for you. Her name is Amy Farrah Fowler.Sheldon: Please. Even assuming you could answer any question the way I would, the algorithms used by matchmaking sites are complete hokum.Howard: And that’s exactly the answer we gave to the question, what is your attitude towards online dating”Raj: Howard wanted to write mumbo jumbo, but I said no, our Sheldon would say hokum.Howard: Well, come on, where’s your scientific curiosity?Sheldon: Well, most o f it is being applied to unravelling the secrets of the universe while the rest of it’s wondering why I’m having this conversation with you.Raj: Okay, how about this. Even Spock had a date once every seven years.Sheldon: He didn’t date. It was pon farr. His blood boiled with mating lust.Howard: Okay, well, why don’t you start with a cup of coffee, and you can pon farr Amy Farrah Fowler later.Sheldon: I don’t drink coffee.Howard: All right, you can have a hot chocolate.Sheldon: As I will not be engaging in this nonsense, my choice of beverage is moot. But for the record, I only drink hot chocolate in months with an R in them.Howard: Why?Sheldon: What’s life without whimsy?Howard: Okay, I’m out.Raj: Sheldon, I’ve hidden the dirty sock from the roof s omewhere in your apartment. Unless you are willing to come with us to meet this girl, it will remain there forever.Sheldon: You’re bluffing.Raj: Are you willing to risk it?Sheldon: Curse youScene: The hallway. Leonard is finishing off a bottle of spirits. He opens the lift and drops the bottle inside.Leonard: Thirty feet.Penny: Oh. Hey, Leonard.Leonard: I was a perfectly happy, geeky, little lonely guy, and you ruined me!Penny: Are you drunk?Leonard: Come on. We’re gonna have sex, and it’s not gon na mean a thing!Penny: Are you out of your mind?!Leonard: I’m really starting to think there’s a double standard here.Scene: A coffee shop.Sheldon: In a few minutes, when I gloat over the failure of this enterprise, how would you prefer I do it? The standard I told you so? The classic neener-neener? Or just my normal look of haughty derision? Raj: You don’t know we’re wrong yet.Sheldon: Haughty derision it is.Amy: Excuse me. I’m Amy Farrah Fowler. You’re Sheldon Cooper.Sheldon: Hello, Amy Farrah Fow ler. I’m sorry to inform you that you have been taken in by unsupportable mathematics designed to prey on the gullible and the lonely. Additionally, I’m being blackmailed with a hidden dirty sock.Amy: If that was slang, I’m unfamiliar with it. If it was l iteral, I share your aversion to soiled hosiery. In any case, I’m here because my mother and I have agreed that I will date at least once a year.Sheldon: Interesting. My mother and I have the same agreement about church.Amy: I don’t object to the concept of a deity, but I’m baffled by the notion of one that takes attendance. Sheldon: Well, then you might want to avoid East Texas.Amy: Noted. Now, before this goes any further, you should know that all forms of physical contact up to and including coitus are off the table.Sheldon: May I buy you a beverage?Amy: Tepid water, please.Howard: Good God, what have we done?。

生活大爆炸第3季中英字幕2300:00:02,100 --> 00:00:03,710搞定激光接上电源了Ok, we've got the power to the laser.200:00:04,730 --> 00:00:06,550我应该带把伞来的I should've brought an umbrella.300:00:07,070 --> 00:00:08,640作甚啊又不会下雨What for? It's not gonna rain.400:00:08,650 --> 00:00:09,630我知道I know that.500:00:09,660 --> 00:00:13,910但我如此白嫩的肌肤还是有可能被月光灼伤的But with skin as fair as mine, moon burn is real possibility.600:00:14,740 --> 00:00:16,440这是个"逗你玩儿" 对吧That's a "Bazinga," Right?700:00:16,790 --> 00:00:19,110我的巅峰之作你觉得呢One of my best, don't you think?800:00:21,980 --> 00:00:24,580霍华德你要不要再检查一下激光上的赤道仪装置Howard, do you want to double-check the equatorial mount on the laser?900:00:24,590 --> 00:00:26,520我们得把它锁定到"宁静之海"上 [月面某部名称]We need it locked onto the Sea of Tranquility.1000:00:26,520 --> 00:00:27,920没问题You got it.1100:00:27,920 --> 00:00:30,020天拉杰别这样Oh, Raj, no.1200:00:30,020 --> 00:00:33,060人们花了无数美元发明了英特网Billions of dollars have gone into inventing the Internet1300:00:33,060 --> 00:00:35,030并在上面发了无数艳照and filling it with pictures of naked women,1400:00:35,030 --> 00:00:37,760就是为了让我们不需要通过窗户来偷窥啊so we don't have to peep through windows.1500:00:37,760 --> 00:00:39,100我才没有呢It's not like that.1600:00:39,100 --> 00:00:40,200我只不过在看别人的电视而已I'm watching someone's TV.1700:00:40,200 --> 00:00:41,770正在播《傲骨贤妻》呢The Good Wife is on.1800:00:43,500 --> 00:00:47,210告诉你这就是我的新《实习医生格蕾》I tell you, this is my new Grey's Anatomy.1900:00:47,870 --> 00:00:48,810莱纳德莱纳德Leonard, Leonard.2000:00:48,810 --> 00:00:49,940那是啥那是啥What is that? What is that?2100:00:51,470 --> 00:00:53,210别紧张不就是只脏袜子嘛Relax, it's just a dirty sock.2200:00:54,070 --> 00:00:55,410你怎么可以如此淡定的把How on earth can you say2300:00:55,420 --> 00:00:58,050"脏袜子"和"别紧张"放在同一句话里"Dirty sock" And "Relax" In the same sentence?2400:00:59,190 --> 00:01:02,490谢尔顿这个世界上到处都有被遗弃的脏袜子Sheldon, the world is filled with dirty discarded socks.2500:01:03,710 --> 00:01:04,690我的世界可没有Not my world.2600:01:06,360 --> 00:01:09,560嘿你们知道谁会非常想看这个实验吗佩妮Hey, you know who'd really dig seeing this experiment? Penny.2700:01:09,560 --> 00:01:13,100我怎么不知道她喜欢月面搜索呢I wasn't aware that lunar ranging was her thing.2800:01:13,100 --> 00:01:16,070尽管我可以确定尼尔·阿姆斯特朗留在月球上的Although, I suppose the retro-reflector left on the moon2900:01:16,070 --> 00:01:19,770回复反射器的确符合了亮晶晶的标准by Neil Armstrong does qualify as a shiny object.3000:01:20,640 --> 00:01:22,310那你怎么不叫她上来Why don't you ask her to come up?3100:01:22,310 --> 00:01:24,580不知道自从那之后就有点怪怪的I don't know, it's still a little weird since, you know...3200:01:24,580 --> 00:01:26,730-她甩了你吗 -她没有甩了我- She dumped you? - She didn't dump me.3300:01:26,730 --> 00:01:29,220我们只不过在这段关系中处在不同方位罢了We were just in different places in the relationship.3400:01:29,220 --> 00:01:30,950我不明白为什么一段情缘I fail to see how a relationship3500:01:30,950 --> 00:01:34,390还能有地理位置的特性can have the qualities of a geographic location.00:01:34,390 --> 00:01:35,320唔这很简单Oh, it's very simple.3700:01:35,320 --> 00:01:38,520莱纳德住在一个叫做"请别离开"的小镇里Leonard was living in a little town called "Please don't leave me"3800:01:38,530 --> 00:01:42,660而佩妮则刚搬到了一个叫"拜拜"的小岛上while Penny had just moved to the island of "Buh-bye."3900:01:45,130 --> 00:01:46,300去你丫的Screw you guys.4000:01:46,300 --> 00:01:47,800我去看看她在不在家I'm gonna go see if she's home.4100:01:48,680 --> 00:01:49,890如果方便的话If it's not too much trouble,4200:01:49,920 --> 00:01:52,130我想把望远镜瞄准月球了I'd like to point this at the moon now.4300:01:52,130 --> 00:01:52,910且慢Wait a second.4400:01:52,930 --> 00:01:54,370好老婆正哭呢The good wife is crying.4500:01:55,830 --> 00:01:57,140出大问题了Something's very wrong.4600:02:16,610 --> 00:02:18,210生活大爆炸第三季第二十三集本季完4700:02:26,950 --> 00:02:28,360嘿怎么了Oh, hi. What's going on?4800:02:28,380 --> 00:02:30,790我们在屋顶上尝试从月球将激光射回来呢We're up on the roof bouncing laser beams off the moon.4900:02:32,050 --> 00:02:33,270抱歉什么I'm sorry, what?5000:02:33,510 --> 00:02:34,310很酷的哦It's pretty cool.5100:02:34,340 --> 00:02:36,320我们准备了直径两米的反射器和其他仪器We've got a two-meter parabolic reflector and everything.5200:02:36,340 --> 00:02:37,840我觉得你可能会想来看看I thought you might want to see it.5300:02:37,840 --> 00:02:38,940这完全说不通啊That makes no sense.5400:02:40,480 --> 00:02:42,410你怎么可能从月球上弹射东西How can you bounce stuff off the moon?5500:02:42,420 --> 00:02:44,010那儿可没有重力There's no gravity.5600:02:45,880 --> 00:02:46,390呃莱纳德Uh, Leonard,5700:02:46,390 --> 00:02:48,750-这是扎克扎克这是莱纳德 -嘿- This is Zack. Zack, Leonard. - Hey.5800:02:48,760 --> 00:02:50,960抱歉我不知道你们正忙呢或许下次吧Oh, sorry, I didn't know you were busy. Maybe another time.5900:02:50,960 --> 00:02:51,960嗯或许吧Yeah, maybe.6000:02:51,960 --> 00:02:53,560嗨我想看看这个激光Hey, I want to see this laser thing.6100:02:53,560 --> 00:02:55,290但那个派对怎么办Oh, but what about the party?6200:02:55,300 --> 00:02:57,760只不过是个惊喜派对而已什么时候到完全没所谓It's a surprise party-- doesn't matter when we get there.6300:02:59,240 --> 00:03:00,150那倒是Right.6400:03:01,430 --> 00:03:03,200那好吧上来吧Okay, well, yeah, come on up.6500:03:09,260 --> 00:03:10,760你们是如何认识的呢So, how'd you guys meet?6600:03:10,760 --> 00:03:13,870我的公司为芝士工厂设计菜单My company designs the menus for the Cheesecake Factory.6700:03:13,870 --> 00:03:15,130你的公司Your company?6800:03:15,130 --> 00:03:17,920事实上是我爸的但我和我妹妹是副总Well, my dad. But me and my sister are VPs.6900:03:18,670 --> 00:03:21,170呃菜单啊So... menus.7000:03:21,170 --> 00:03:25,110听起来貌似简单但在设计当中是包含了不少科学知识的I know it sounds easy, but there's a lot of science that goes into designing them.7100:03:31,100 --> 00:03:33,920开心了吧我把脏袜子丢开了Happy now? I'm moving the dirty sock.7200:03:35,820 --> 00:03:36,820谢谢Thank you.7300:03:38,020 --> 00:03:39,790拉杰时刻注意另外一只Raj, keep an eye out for the other one.7400:03:41,470 --> 00:03:43,490各位这是我朋友扎克Hey, guys, this is my friend Zack.7500:03:44,040 --> 00:03:45,500-你好扎克 -哇哦- Hello. Zack. - Whoa!7600:03:45,500 --> 00:03:46,630这就是那激光吗Is that the laser?7700:03:46,630 --> 00:03:48,500太他妈帅了It's bitchin'.7800:03:49,000 --> 00:03:50,000没错Yes.7900:03:50,000 --> 00:03:53,3401917年当爱因斯坦在他的文章In 1917, when Albert Einstein established8000:03:53,340 --> 00:03:55,970《关于辐射的量子理论中》阐述了the theoretic foundation for the laser in his paper8100:03:55,980 --> 00:03:59,010激光的理论基础时他最诚挚的希望"Zur Quantentheorie der Strahlung," His fondest hope8200:03:59,010 --> 00:04:02,350就是最终的仪器要很他妈的帅was that the resultant device be bitchin'.8300:04:03,750 --> 00:04:05,380唔那任务达成了Well, mission accomplished.8400:04:07,990 --> 00:04:09,650让我来解释一下我们在做什么Let me explain what we're doing here.8500:04:09,660 --> 00:04:12,6501969年阿波罗11号上的宇航员Um, in 1969, the astronauts on Apollo 118600:04:12,650 --> 00:04:15,960在月面安置了数个反射器而我们则要发射激光positioned reflectors on the surface of the moon, and we're going to shoot a laser off8700:04:15,960 --> 00:04:19,360到其中的一个上面并反射回来到这个光电倍增器上one of them and let the light bounce back into this photomultiplier.8800:04:19,370 --> 00:04:21,200哇那很酷啊Oh! That's very cool.8900:04:21,640 --> 00:04:22,400只有一个问题One question.9000:04:22,880 --> 00:04:25,000你怎么确定它不会爆炸How can you be sure it won't blow up?9100:04:25,670 --> 00:04:26,740激光吗The laser?9200:04:26,740 --> 00:04:28,170月球The moon.9300:04:30,780 --> 00:04:33,340看这才是配得上佩妮的男人See, now this is a man for Penny.9400:04:34,610 --> 00:04:36,980问得好扎克That's a great question, Zack.9500:04:36,980 --> 00:04:37,880才不是呢No, it's not.9600:04:37,880 --> 00:04:38,920谢尔顿Sheldon!9700:04:38,920 --> 00:04:40,290要友好Play nice.9800:04:40,290 --> 00:04:41,590问得不好It's not a great question.9900:04:41,590 --> 00:04:44,920怎么能有人觉得我们会炸掉月球How could somebody possibly think we're going to blow up the moon?10000:04:45,990 --> 00:04:49,130这才叫问得好That's a great question.10100:04:50,000 --> 00:04:51,130不用担心月球Don't worry about the moon.10200:04:51,130 --> 00:04:53,570我们把激光调弱了We-We set our laser to stun.10300:04:54,080 --> 00:04:55,130聪明Smart.10400:04:55,730 --> 00:04:57,740发射时我们能看到光束Now, we'll be able to see the beam when it leaves,10500:04:57,740 --> 00:04:59,570但返回时的光束减弱but it won't be strong enough when it comes back10600:04:59,570 --> 00:05:00,810裸眼看不到to be seen by the naked eye.10700:05:00,810 --> 00:05:01,870裸Naked.10800:05:07,210 --> 00:05:09,510是很搞笑Right. Uh... funny.10900:05:09,520 --> 00:05:13,700那个装置能测量返回的光子Uh, that device, there, will measure the photons that return11000:05:13,700 --> 00:05:14,650我们能在电脑上看到and let us see it on this computer.11100:05:14,650 --> 00:05:16,210拉杰给他们眼镜Raj, get them some glasses.11200:05:17,020 --> 00:05:18,730酷还有三维效果Cool, it's gonna be in 3-D?11300:05:24,830 --> 00:05:27,930准备向月球发射激光Preparing to fire laser at the moon.11400:05:27,930 --> 00:05:29,470开始吧Make it so.11500:05:33,910 --> 00:05:35,440有了看到峰值了There it is. There's the spike!11600:05:36,240 --> 00:05:37,900返回时间2.5秒2.5 seconds for the light to return.11700:05:37,940 --> 00:05:39,670是月球我们击中月球了That's the moon! We hit the moon!11800:05:43,460 --> 00:05:44,650这就是你们的大实验That's your big experiment?11900:05:45,750 --> 00:05:47,220搞这么多就为了屏幕上的一条线All that for a line on the screen?12000:05:47,890 --> 00:05:51,210话虽如此想想这代表着什么Yeah, but, uh, think about what this represents.12100:05:51,210 --> 00:05:53,290我们的实验是唯一The fact that we can do this is the only way12200:05:53,330 --> 00:05:56,660能证明月球上有人造物体的实验of definitively proving that there are man-made objectson the moon,12300:05:56,660 --> 00:05:58,590这个物体是60年前刚发明飞机的put there by a member of a species12400:05:58,590 --> 00:06:01,890种族中一员放上去的that only 60 years before had just invented the airplane.12500:06:02,250 --> 00:06:04,060那是什么种族啊What species is that?12600:06:06,830 --> 00:06:08,030我错了I was wrong.12700:06:08,030 --> 00:06:09,390佩妮能找更好的Penny can do be tter.12800:06:09,430 --> 00:06:12,700-好了谢谢各位很有意思 -谢谢- Okay, guys, thank you, it's been fun. - Yeah, thanks.12900:06:12,700 --> 00:06:15,510-能请他们参加派对吗 -不行只管走- Should we invite them to the party? - No, just keep walking.13000:06:16,900 --> 00:06:19,240他肯定交媾技能很强He must be very skilled at coitus.13100:06:21,810 --> 00:06:24,110告诉你唯一能让你I'm telling you, dude, the only way13200:06:24,110 --> 00:06:26,910接受佩妮结交新欢的办法to feel better about Penny going out with other guys13300:06:26,920 --> 00:06:30,650就是再奸再厉is for you to get back on the whores.13400:06:32,520 --> 00:06:33,960接Horse.13500:06:33,960 --> 00:06:35,060什么What?13600:06:35,060 --> 00:06:36,920那个词是"再接再厉"The phrase is "Get back on the horse,"13700:06:36,930 --> 00:06:39,390不是"奸"not "Whores."13800:06:39,390 --> 00:06:41,730老兄你真恶心That's disgusting, dude.13900:06:43,050 --> 00:06:44,500不是No, it's not...14000:06:44,500 --> 00:06:45,990算了Never mind.14100:06:46,740 --> 00:06:47,870不过他说得对He is right, though.14200:06:47,870 --> 00:06:50,040你愿意的话我可以给你介绍If you want, I can turn you on to this great new14300:06:50,050 --> 00:06:52,770-我找到的新交友网 -不了谢谢- dating site I found. - No, thanks.14400:06:52,770 --> 00:06:55,010你确定上面说能给任何人牵红线You sure? They say they can find a match for anybody.14500:06:55,010 --> 00:06:56,680他们给你牵了吗Have they found a match for you?14600:06:56,680 --> 00:06:59,710多着呢上个月就有八个呢Tons. I've had, like, eight dates in the last month.14700:06:59,720 --> 00:07:03,030如果算上见我就闪的有12个呢And 12 if you count the ones who showed up and left.14800:07:03,820 --> 00:07:05,590我无法搬氮气罐下来I can't bring the nitrogen tank down.14900:07:05,590 --> 00:07:07,790-为什么 -我重申一遍- Why not? - All right, let me restate that.15000:07:07,790 --> 00:07:09,860它很重我不想搬It's very heavy, and I don't want to.15100:07:11,230 --> 00:07:11,830我去搬吧I'll help you.15200:07:11,830 --> 00:07:13,090谢谢Thank you.15300:07:13,930 --> 00:07:16,830用膝盖别用背Lift with your knees, not your back.15400:07:17,420 --> 00:07:18,830晚安Good night.15500:07:21,170 --> 00:07:22,870知道什么才好玩吗You know what would be fun?15600:07:22,870 --> 00:07:26,170帮谢尔顿申请网上交友Signing Sheldon up for online dating.15700:07:26,170 --> 00:07:27,170算了吧Yeah, right.15800:07:27,180 --> 00:07:28,140不想一想No, think about it.15900:07:28,140 --> 00:07:29,440我们当实验做We make it an experiment.16000:07:29,440 --> 00:07:30,850就像寂寞的科学怪人Like when Frankenstein's monster16100:07:30,850 --> 00:07:32,960找了个老婆was lonely and he found a wife.16200:07:33,750 --> 00:07:36,310他没有找老婆He didn't find a wife.16300:07:36,350 --> 00:07:39,420而是用死尸器官造了个老婆They built him a wife out of dead body parts.16400:07:40,360 --> 00:07:42,490那可以作为后备计划Okay, we'll call that plan B.16500:07:49,030 --> 00:07:51,000来了Coming!16600:07:53,540 --> 00:07:56,470你个该死的混蛋Damn you, you rat bastard.16700:07:57,030 --> 00:07:58,170你醉啦Are you drunk?16800:07:58,170 --> 00:08:01,740扎克是个绝好男友你把他毁了Zack was a perfectly nice guy, and then you ruined him!16900:08:01,740 --> 00:08:03,610我怎么把他毁了How did I ruin him?17000:08:03,610 --> 00:08:08,110因为以前我绝不会觉得他蠢'Cause in the olden days, i never would've known he was so stupid.17100:08:11,080 --> 00:08:12,760拜托他没那么蠢Come on, he wasn't that stupid.17200:08:12,800 --> 00:08:17,290不他够蠢了他觉得你们会炸掉月球Yes, he was! He thought you were gonna blow up the moon!17300:08:17,590 --> 00:08:19,760对他确实很蠢Okay, yeah, he's stupid.17400:08:20,560 --> 00:08:22,430他一整晚都在吹嘘He spent the entire night bragging17500:08:22,430 --> 00:08:26,100自己怎么造出"阑胃菜"这个词about how he invented the word "Appe-teasers."17600:08:29,800 --> 00:08:31,370这不是我的错吧How is that my fault?17700:08:31,370 --> 00:08:34,380你毁了我容忍傻逼的能力You have destroyed my ability to tolerate idiots.17800:08:34,380 --> 00:08:35,780现在跟我走Now, come with me.17900:08:35,780 --> 00:08:37,010去哪Wh-Where are we going?18000:08:37,010 --> 00:08:38,380我们去做爱We're gonna have sex.18100:08:38,380 --> 00:08:40,580为啥不过我没意见Why? I mean, okay.18200:08:43,050 --> 00:08:43,990怎么回事What's going on?18300:08:43,990 --> 00:08:45,920把你的降噪耳机戴上Put on your noise-canceling headphones,18400:08:45,920 --> 00:08:48,090这边会很吵的'cause it's gonna get loud.18500:08:50,270 --> 00:08:52,930怎么又来了Oh! Not this again.18600:09:06,230 --> 00:09:09,280这怎么可能是少果肉呢In what universe is this low-pulp?18700:09:12,390 --> 00:09:13,940早啊佩妮Good morning, Penny.18800:09:14,530 --> 00:09:16,330你后脑勺长眼睛了吗What, do you have eyes in the back of your head?18900:09:16,600 --> 00:09:19,340隔天就在学校挨揍的某人When one gets beaten up every other day in school,19000:09:19,340 --> 00:09:22,440必然会进化出更敏锐的听觉one of necessity develops a keen sense of hearing.19100:09:23,440 --> 00:09:25,680而且在学校挨揍的某人Incidentally, one can get beaten up in school19200:09:25,680 --> 00:09:28,810通常都把自己称为"某人"simply by referring to oneself as "One."19300:09:30,110 --> 00:09:31,550我准备做英式松饼I'm making English muffins.19400:09:31,570 --> 00:09:32,840你想吃吗Would you like an English muffin?19500:09:32,870 --> 00:09:35,190-不了我不饿 -另外- Oh, thanks, I'm not hungry. - FYI,19600:09:35,190 --> 00:09:39,120昨晚证明我的降噪耳机无效my noise-canceling headphones proved ineffective last night.19700:09:40,670 --> 00:09:42,140不好意思Yeah, sorry about that.19800:09:42,170 --> 00:09:44,790作为本土德州人我得说"驾"这个词As a native Texan,I must say I've never heard the phrase "Yee-haw"19900:09:44,800 --> 00:09:46,900在交媾中很少用到used in quite that context.20000:09:47,780 --> 00:09:48,830天呐Oh, God.20100:09:50,540 --> 00:09:51,970天呐"Oh, God."20200:09:52,480 --> 00:09:55,270这个我倒是听过很多次That I've heard on multiple occasions.20300:09:59,140 --> 00:10:02,780这算哪门子"微"烤In what universe is that lightly toasted?20400:10:06,270 --> 00:10:08,080今天真是我一生之中最扯淡的一天This has to be the worst day of my life.20500:10:10,580 --> 00:10:11,420早啊莱纳德Good morning, Leonard.20600:10:12,470 --> 00:10:14,580我告诉过你多少次了不要那么做How many times have I asked you not to do that?20700:10:15,080 --> 00:10:18,060算上这次吗 317次Counting this instance? 317.20800:10:20,300 --> 00:10:21,310佩妮呢Where's Penny?20900:10:21,330 --> 00:10:22,960她回她家去了She returned to her apartment.21000:10:23,000 --> 00:10:24,700我猜应该是去洗澡加呕吐了I presume to shower and vomit.21100:10:24,700 --> 00:10:26,750顺序不一定是按这个Not necessarily in that order.21200:10:28,100 --> 00:10:29,270她为啥都没道别一下呢I wonder why she didn't say good-bye.21300:10:30,600 --> 00:10:34,310你是在叫我解释一下人类行为吗Are you expecting me to offer an explanation of human behavior?21400:10:34,790 --> 00:10:36,420难为你了我只是觉得I know. I just thought as an outsider,21500:10:36,430 --> 00:10:38,920当局者迷旁观者清嘛you might be able to provide a fresh perspective.21600:10:43,210 --> 00:10:46,330我相信你个小东西绝对不是黄油I have no difficulty believing you're not butter.21700:10:50,190 --> 00:10:51,560-嘿 -嗨- Oh, hey. - Oh, hi.21800:10:51,560 --> 00:10:53,530我得赶紧走了早班Um, I gotta run. Early shift.21900:10:53,530 --> 00:10:55,270好啊我和你一起下楼Okay, I'll walk down with you.22000:10:55,270 --> 00:10:57,720昨晚挺有意思的对吧So, last night was fun, huh?22100:10:57,740 --> 00:10:58,570那必须的Yeah, it must have been.22200:10:58,570 --> 00:11:01,090我刚吐在我壁橱里了I just threw up in my closet.22300:11:02,480 --> 00:11:03,040杯具啊Bummer.22400:11:03,420 --> 00:11:06,140我在想啊咱俩今晚去看场电影如何Anyway, I was thinking tonight maybe we could catch a movie.22500:11:06,140 --> 00:11:08,040今晚我不太方便Oh, yeah, tonight's not great for me.22600:11:08,050 --> 00:11:09,510不一定是今天晚上Doesn't have to be tonight.22700:11:09,510 --> 00:11:11,850我差不多啥时候都有空I'm free pretty much always.22800:11:12,490 --> 00:11:14,720莱纳德昨晚那件事是个错误Leonard, last night was a mistake.22900:11:15,390 --> 00:11:18,060你说"错误" 是塞翁失马那种吗When you say "Mistake," Do you mean a fortunate mistake,23000:11:18,100 --> 00:11:20,790就比如发现青霉素like the discovery of penicillin?23100:11:21,530 --> 00:11:22,820我很抱歉Look, I'm sorry.23200:11:22,850 --> 00:11:25,550我喝高了很寂寞我讨厌扎克I was drunk, I was lonely, I hated Zack.23300:11:25,560 --> 00:11:27,360咱俩就当没发生过好吗Can we just forget it ever happened?23400:11:27,400 --> 00:11:30,000不行整件事几乎已经刻在我脑子里了No, it's pretty well imprinted on my brain.23500:11:30,720 --> 00:11:32,810特别是骑术表演那部分Especially the whole rodeo thing.23600:11:32,820 --> 00:11:34,140老天Oh, God!23700:11:34,140 --> 00:11:35,440就这样啊So, that's it?23800:11:35,440 --> 00:11:37,040提上裤子就不认人啦Wham, bam, thank you, Leonard?23900:11:37,040 --> 00:11:39,610我都道歉了你就别纠结这事儿了行吗Look, I said I'm sorry. Can't you please let it go?24000:11:39,610 --> 00:11:41,210你说的倒轻松啊How am I supposed to let it go?24100:11:41,210 --> 00:11:43,080你居然把我当泄欲对象You used me for sex!24200:11:47,590 --> 00:11:48,620早安冈德森太太Morning, Mrs. Gunderson.24300:11:48,620 --> 00:11:50,190早啊莱纳德Good morning, Leonard.24400:11:50,190 --> 00:11:53,360或者我该说 "驾"Or should I say "Yee-haw"?24500:12:01,140 --> 00:12:02,970-我靠 -怎么了- Holy crap. - What?24600:12:02,970 --> 00:12:06,750我们终于证实了人类之中藏有外星人We finally have proof that aliens walk among us.24700:12:07,590 --> 00:12:08,300你说啥Excuse me?24800:12:08,310 --> 00:12:11,210这个约会网站找到了个适合谢尔顿的女人The dating site matched a woman with Sheldon.24900:12:11,210 --> 00:12:12,680不可能吧You're kidding.25000:12:12,680 --> 00:12:13,880一个实实在在的女人An actual woman?25100:12:13,880 --> 00:12:17,180你看胸部该有的都有Yeah, look. Breasts and everything.25200:12:17,180 --> 00:12:20,450相信我有胸的不一定就是女人Trust me, breasts doesn't necessarily mean woman.25300:12:20,450 --> 00:12:22,820-啥时候有这么一说 -我回头给你看张- Since when? - I'll show you a picture25400:12:22,820 --> 00:12:25,860我路易叔叔穿泳装的照片of my Uncle Louie in a bathing suit sometime.25500:12:28,540 --> 00:12:29,740莱纳德快来看啊Leonard, you gotta see this.25600:12:29,750 --> 00:12:31,440我们居然找到适合谢尔顿的姑娘了We found a match for Sheldon.25700:12:31,460 --> 00:12:32,200很好Great.25800:12:32,200 --> 00:12:34,800说不定她会跟他上床然后第二天一早Maybe she can have sex with him, and then walk out on him25900:12:34,800 --> 00:12:37,830连个招呼都不打就闪人the next morning without so much as a "How do you do?"26000:12:38,440 --> 00:12:39,560你知道他说啥呢吗Do you know what he's talking about?26100:12:39,590 --> 00:12:40,790不知道你问问呗Nope. Why don't you ask him?26200:12:40,800 --> 00:12:41,950莱纳德你说啥呢Leonard, what are you talking about?26300:12:41,970 --> 00:12:43,150我不想谈这个I don't want to talk about it.26400:12:43,180 --> 00:12:45,170瞧你出的这馊主意That was a lousy suggestion.26500:12:45,550 --> 00:12:47,040随便啦现在Whatever. Right now,26600:12:47,040 --> 00:12:49,580谢尔顿·库珀博士要给他的真命天女Dr. Sheldon Cooper has to send an e-mail26700:12:49,580 --> 00:12:51,310发封邮件to his perfect match.26800:12:51,840 --> 00:12:55,050"您好同类生物""Greetings, fellow life-form..."26900:12:58,080 --> 00:13:00,610她能做到那我也能她能做到那我也能If she can do it, I can do it. If she can do it, I can do it.27000:13:00,610 --> 00:13:02,110她能做到那我也能If she can do it, I can do it.27100:13:04,140 --> 00:13:05,160我无能了I can't do it.27200:13:06,530 --> 00:13:09,300-谁啊 -你好- Hello? - Oh, hi. Hey.27300:13:09,330 --> 00:13:10,100你好啊莱斯利Hi, Leslie.27400:13:11,870 --> 00:13:13,900莱纳德·霍夫斯塔德有何贵干Leonard Hofstadter. What're you doing here?27500:13:13,900 --> 00:13:16,240是啊咱俩好久没见了Uh, I know! It's been a while!27600:13:16,240 --> 00:13:17,610对啊 18个月Yeah, 18 months.27700:13:18,320 --> 00:13:19,980是啊是啊Right. Right.27800:13:21,520 --> 00:13:22,880你怎么样啊So how you doing?27900:13:23,780 --> 00:13:24,910挺好的你呢Fine. You?28000:13:25,520 --> 00:13:26,320不错Uh, not bad.28100:13:26,910 --> 00:13:29,470你还记得之前咱俩上床You remember when we used to have sex28200:13:29,480 --> 00:13:32,120你说这事儿没什么实际意义只是为了娱乐and you said that it didn't mean anything, it was just for fun?28300:13:32,600 --> 00:13:33,120是啊Yeah.28400:13:34,190 --> 00:13:36,560你想再来一次吗You, uh, want to do that again?28500:13:38,690 --> 00:13:40,360怎么了金发美女把你甩了What happened? Blondie dumped you?28600:13:40,370 --> 00:13:41,260不是她甩我She didn't dump me.28700:13:41,270 --> 00:13:43,630我俩处在一段关系里的不同位置We were just in different places in the relationship.28800:13:44,390 --> 00:13:45,070是嘛Right.28900:13:45,410 --> 00:13:47,440随便了显然呢Um... anyway, apparently,29000:13:48,010 --> 00:13:50,010找个好久不见的人然后俩人it's okay to go back to people you're no longer seeing29100:13:50,010 --> 00:13:52,140娱乐性地打一炮也没啥不好的吧and have recreational sex with them.29200:13:54,450 --> 00:13:55,810你觉得如何So, what do you say?29300:13:56,700 --> 00:13:57,950我考虑下哈Let me think about it.29400:14:05,480 --> 00:14:07,200她不会再开门了She's not coming back.29500:14:11,460 --> 00:14:13,430她想见我们She wants to meet us.29600:14:13,430 --> 00:14:15,000不是我们是他Not us. Him.29700:14:15,000 --> 00:14:17,400是啊可是他根本不认识她Yes, but him doesn't even know about her.29800:14:17,910 --> 00:14:20,470哎呀他会认识她的Well, him about to find out about her.29900:14:20,950 --> 00:14:22,740真的吗我们要告诉他吗Really? Us gonna tell him?。