生活大爆炸第三季S3E10 中英文对照剧本

THE BIG BANG THEORY 第3季中英剧本+词汇解析(TBBT-S03-EP09-10)S3E9 The One Vengeance Formulation-Howard: So two years later, there's a knock on the door. knock the door: 敲门两年后，听到敲门声。

Guy opens it, and there on his porch it's his snail porch: 门廊，走廊snail: 蜗牛那人开了门，走廊上是他养的蜗牛。

who says, "What the heck was all that about?"heck: 真见鬼（hell的委婉说法）它说"见鬼，怎么回事?"-Bernadette: I don't really get it.其实我没听懂。

-Howard: Well, see, it took two years for the snail...呃，想想，蜗牛爬了两年...Not important.不重要了。

-Bernadette: Can I ask you a question?我有个疑问?-Howard: Sure.请说。

-Bernadette: Where do you think this is going?你觉得我们俩要如何发展?-Howard: To be honest, I was hoping at least second base. second base: 二垒老实说，我希望至少达到二垒(注:指拥抱亲吻)。

-Bernadette: You're so funny.你真搞笑。

You're like a stand-up comedian.stand-up comedian: 单口相声演员，独角滑稽秀演员就像个独角喜剧演员。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E20 – The Spaghetti CatalystScene: The lobby.Penny: Oh, damn, they cancelled my Visa. Oh, yay, a new MasterCard!Sheldon: Uh-oh.Penny: What?Sheldon: I was going to get my mail.Penny: Okay. Are, are you hoping to get it telepathically?Sheldon: I think you mean telekinetically. And no, I just wasn’t sure of the proper protocol now that you and Leonard are no longer having coitus.Penny: God, can we please just say no longer seeing each other?Sheldon: Well, we could if it were true. But as you live in the same building, you see each other all the time. The variable which has changed is the coitus.Penny: Okay, here’s the protocol, you and I are still friends, and you stop saying coitus.Sheldon: Good, good. I’m glad we’re still friends.Penny: Really?Sheldon: Oh, yes. It was a lot of work to accommodate you in my life. I’d hate for that effort to have been in vain.Penny: Right.Sheldon: Just to be clear do I have to stop saying coitus with everyone or just you?Penny: Everyone.Sheldon: Harsh terms. But all right, I’ll just substitute intercourse.Penny: Great.Sheldon: Or fornication. Yeah. But that has judgmental overtones, so I’ll hold that in reserve.Penny: So, how you been?Sheldon: Well, my existence is a continuum, so I’ve been what I am at each point in the implied time period. Penny: You’re just coitusing with me, aren’t you?Sheldon: Bazinga.Penny: Mmm. How’s Leonard doing?Sheldon: He seems all right. Although he does spend a disturbing amount of time looking at photographs of you and smelling the pillow you slept on. Oh, but now that I think of it, he asked me not to tell you that. Penny: I’ll pretend I didn’t hear it.Sheldon: I’d rather you pretend I didn’t say it. I see you bought Mama Italia marinara spaghe tti sauce. Penny: Yep.Sheldon: That’s the sauce my mother uses. She likes cooking Italian because according to her, that’s what the Romans made Jesus eat.Penny: Interesting. I’ll have to have you over for spaghetti some night.Sheldon: I’m hungry now.Penny: Oh. Um, okay. Why don’t you give me an hour and come over?Sheldon: Will you cut up hot dogs into little chunks and mix them in with the sauce?Penny: I don’t have hot dogs.Sheldon: Oh, it’s all right, I do. Oh! You’re in for what my mother calls a r eal Eye-talian treat. (Enters apartment).Leonard: Hey, where you been?Sheldon: I was talking with Penny.Howard: What’s wrong with you? You can’t hang out with your roommate’s ex. That’s totally uncool.Leonard: No, no, it’s fine. I don’t care. I’m over it.Raj: Yeah, he’s over it, that’s why he’s been whining all day about trying to invent that memory-wiper gizmo from Men in Black.Sheldon: Is he making any progress? Because I’d like to erase Ben Affleck as Daredevil.Howard: So would Ben Affleck. The po int is, in a situation like this you got to pick sides. You’re either on Team Leonard or Team Penny.Sheldon: Which one picks last?Howard: What?Sheldon: Well, usually I’m on the team that picks last. Unless there’s a kid in a wheelchair.Leonard: Sheldon, I got you your tangerine chicken. I hope you’re hungry.Sheldon: Well, of course I’m hungry. And as I have no plans to eat with any other team, I will consume my tangerine chicken with the appropriate gusto. Mm, mm, mm!Leonard: Okay.Sheldon: Just out of curiosity, do we still have hot dogs?Leonard: I don’t know. Why?Sheldon: Just making dinner conversation. Go, Team Leonard!Credits sequenceScene: A few moments later.Howard: Oh, God, this is good.Raj: Let me ask you a question. Do you believe you’re going to go to hell for eating sweet and sour pork? Howard: Jews don’t have hell. We have acid reflux.Leonard: Do you want the last dumpling, Sheldon?Sheldon: Certainly. It’s not like I have to moderate my food intake because I’m planning on eating ag ain very shortly. Mm, mm, mm!Leonard: So, you guys want to do something tonight?Howard: Nah, I can’t. I got to pick up my mom from her water aerobics class. 18 overweight women flapping their arm fat in a swimming pool. Looks like the manatee tank at Sea World.Leonard: What about you, Raj?Raj: Oh, there it is, now that you don’t have a girlfriend, you want to hang out with me again.Leonard: I never stopped hanging out with you.Raj: Oh, please, we all know I’m the friend you call when you have no other options. If we were the Justice League, I’d be Aquaman.Howard: I wish you were Aquaman. Then I could send you to scoop my mom out of the old lady tank. Sheldon: Excuse me, I’m thirsty, so I’m going to go to the refrigerator and get myself a refreshing be verage. Leonard:You know what? I’ll just spend the evening alone.Raj: What, suddenly I’m not good enough for you?Sheldon: Ah, I do so love beverages. Now I think I’ll take my after-dinner walk.Leonard: Since when do you take after-dinner walks?Howard: Yeah, since when do you take walks?Sheldon: I read a study online that walking after a meal not only aids in digestion, but increases serotonin, and you know me, if there’s one thing I like more than a refreshing beverage, it’s serotonin. Bye-bye. Howard: Hold on. I’ll walk down with you.Sheldon: Oh, that’s not necessary. You can go first.Howard: Or we could go together.Sheldon: I can’t think of a reason why not.Howard: Let’s go.Sheldon: Hold on. Nope, no reason.Raj: I’ve missed you.Scene: The lobby.Sheldon: All right, say hello to your mother for me.Howard: Okay.Sheldon: What?Howard: You said you were going for a walk.Sheldon: I didn’t say outside.Howard:So what, you’re just gonna walk up and down the stairs?Sheldon: No, of course not. That would be odd and suspicious behavior.Woman’s voice: Here Bubbles. Here boy.Howard: Which way are you going?Sheldon: Which way are you going?Howard: I parked my scooter down the block.Sheldon:I’m going the other way. Bye.Howard: Bye. Actually, I’m this way. Do I smell hot dogs?Sheldon: No. I mean, I have no idea what you smell.Howard: I definitely smell raw hot dog.Sheldon:Perhaps you’re getting a brain tumour.Howard: All right, have a nice walk.Sheldon: I shall. Have a nice scoot.Howard: You might want to stand back. I’m sitting on top of 13 horses here.Sheldon: Oh. Hello, doggie. Nice doggie. I bet you think you smell hot dogs. Look, a cat!Scene: Penny’s apartment.Sheldon:(Knock, knock, knock) Penny, (knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Long pause, knock, knock, knock) Penny.(Penny opens door. A dishevelled Sheldon is holding up one hot dog.) Here. I had to trade the others for my life.Scene: The apartment.Raj: Hey, Leonard?Leonard: Yeah?Raj:I haven’t had sex in a year.Leonard: Where you going with this, Raj?Raj:Don’t flatter yourself, dude. I want to go out and meet a woman.Leonard: So, go.Raj: Well, I need a wingman. I don’t want to come off like a lonely loser.Leonard: And you think my presence will help with that?Raj: Well, I d o. Next to you, I’ll look like a catch.Leonard: I’m not going out tonight, Raj.Raj: All right. Would you mind if I went to your room and downloaded some Asian pornography? Leonard: Very much.Raj: Doesn’t have to be Asian.Leonard:Don’t worry. You’ll me et a girl someday.Raj:No, I won’t.Leonard: Yes, you will, and she’ll be beautiful, and kind and sexy and funny and everything you ever wanted in a woman.Raj: You really think so?Leonard: I do, and you’ll fall hopelessly in love and give her your heart. And she’ll take it and grind it into pathetic, little pieces.Raj:But we’ll have sex first, right?Scene: Penny’s apartment.Sheldon: Mmm, mmm, mmm. That’s Eye-talian.Penny: So, um, was Leonard okay with you coming over?Sheldon: Oh, yes. In fact, he said, I’m fine, I don’t care. And he in no way said it in a manner which would lead one to believe that he was covering up feelings of anguish and betrayal.Penny: Well, good.Sheldon:I’m also pleased to report that he’s all cried out over you.Penny: He’s been crying?Sheldon: Oh, I believe that was something else I wasn’t supposed to mention.Penny: Oh, God, I feel terrible.Sheldon: Do you have a stomach ache, too?Penny: No. Why, do you?Sheldon: No.Penny: Why did you ask if I had one, too?Sheldon: Just making polite dinner conversation. Your turn.Penny: All right. So, what’s new in your life?Sheldon: Well, my new shoes are not made for running.Penny: Have you been running?Sheldon:No. It’s just a suspicion I have. Mmm, mmm, mmm.Penny: I’m so gla d you like it.Sheldon: I do. Leonard never cooks for me.Penny:Well, maybe that’s ’cause Leonard can’t cook.Sheldon:You can’t cook and you made me this.Penny:Whatever. Ooh, I’m gonna get the cheesecake out of the fridge.Sheldon:Oh, Lord, I’m in Jew ish hell.Scene: The apartment.Raj:Look at this. Do you think she’s really doing that or is it PhotoShop?Leonard: I’m pretty sure Martha Stewart never got naked with a room full of big, fat Japanese guys.Raj:You don’t know that. Prison changes people.Leonard: Hey, where you been?Sheldon: I told you, walking.Leonard: For an hour and a half?Sheldon: I got lost.Leonard: How could you get lost? Your phone has GPS.Sheldon: Satellites are down. Solar flares.Raj: There are no solar flares right now.Sheldon: Yes, there are.Raj: Dude, I’m an astrophysicist. If there were solar flares, I’d be all up in it.Sheldon:I’m sorry. I misspoke. What I meant to say was my battery died.Leonard: What the hell was that about?Raj:I don’t know. Do you think this is really Hillary Clinton doing it with Oprah?Leonard: Oh, we really need to get you a girl.Scene: Leonard’s bedroom. Leonard is asleep.Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (knock, knock, knock) Leonard. Leonard: Oh, just come in!Sheldon: Thanks for seeing me on such short notice.Leonard: What do you want, Sheldon?Sheldon:Maybe this isn’t a good time.Leonard: Tell me why you woke me up or I swear to God I will kill you.Sheldon: Do you really think death threats are an appropriate way to begin this conversation? Sometimes your lack of social skills astonishes me.Leonard: What do you want?Sheldon: You may want to sit down.Leonard:I’m in bed!Sheldon: Point taken. You may want to sit up.Leonard: Sheldon!Sheldon:I’ve been seeing Penny behind your back.Leonard: Okay, when you say seeing Penny, what exactly does that mean?Sheldon: We had dinner last night. She made me spaghetti with little hot dogs cut up in it. Well, little hot dog. I gave up the other five hot dogs to a real dog. A real, big dog. A hell hound. Tangential to the primary story. How about I circle back to it?Leonard: Fine. Why did you have dinner with Penny?Sheldon: I told you, she made spaghetti with little hot dogs. I like spaghetti with little hot dogs.Leonard: Then why did you have Chinese food with us?Sheldon:I didn’t want to upset you. Howard made it very clear that my allegiance should be to male comrades before women who sell their bodies for money.Leonard: Is it possible he said Bros before Hos?Sheldon: Yes, but I rephrased it to avoid offending the hos.Leonard: Sheldon, I don’t care if you want to be friends with Penny.Sheldon: Oh. Well, so the emotional turmoil that’s been keeping me from achieving REM sleep was entirely unjustified?Leonard: Yes.Sheldon: Well then as my meemaw would say, looks like we butchered a pig, but nobody wanted bacon. Leonard: I guess not.Sheldon: And now, as promised, the tangent. Sheldon and the Hell Hound, or How I Lost My Hot Dogs.Scene: The laundry room.Penny: Oh, um, I, I can come back.Leonard: D-don’t be silly. We’re neighbours, we’re going to run into each other, may as well get used to it. Penny: Yeah, I guess you’re right.Leonard: You used to it yet?Penny: Nope.Leonard: Me neither. Oh, Sheldon seemed think that I would be upset about you hanging out with him. But I just want you to know it’s fine.Penny: Oh, oh, good, because, um, his mother called me.Leonard: His mother?Penny: Yeah, she wants me to take him shopping for sheets and towels.Leonard: I was going to do that.Penny: Oh, well, then you, you do it.Leonard:No, I don’t want to do it. You can do it.Penny: Okay, you can take him for shoes.Leonard: I just took him for shoes.Penny: Well, all I know is he says they hurt his feet.Leonard:Fine. I’ll take him for shoes next Saturday.Penny: Oh, no, no, no, a bunch of us from work are going to Disneyland next Saturday and Sheldon wants to come.Leonard: Y ou’re taking him to Disneyland?Penny: Well, he heard me making plans on the phone. Was I going to say no?Leonard:All right. But let me know if you’re going to stuff him with junk food. I don’t want to bring home a nice dinner for him and see it go to waste.Penny: We’re going to Disneyland. He’s going to eat junk food.Leonard: Al l I’m saying is give me a heads-up.Penny: Okay, whatever.Leonard:And don’t let him go on Space Mountain after he eats. He’ll say he can handle it, but I promise you’ll end up with churro puke on your shoes.Penny: All right, got it. Is there anything else?Leonard:Yeah, don’t let Goofy near him. He’ll have nightmares and I’ll have to deal with it.Penny: What’s the problem with Goofy?Leonard: Wish I knew. He’s fine with Pluto.Scene: The apartment.Raj: Hey, do you think the elastic woman in The Incredibles needs to use birth control or can she just be a diaphragm?Howard: Well, that’s it. We’re officially out of things to talk about.Penny:We’re home.Leonard: It’s ten o’clock, where have you been?Sheldon: We stayed for the California Adventure water show. It was pure Disney magic.Leonard: I was going to see that with him.Penny: How was I supposed to know that?Sheldon:It’s all right. I’ll see it again with you.Leonard: And I have food here. You said you were going to call.Penny: I know, I know.Sheldon: I can still eat.Penny: No, you already threw up once. Go put on your PJs and brush your teeth.Sheldon:Okay, but just don’t fightLeonard: We’re not fighting.Penny: Just go.Leonard: Aren’t you going to thank Penny for taking you to Disneylan d?Sheldon: Thank you, Penny.Penny:You’re welcome, sweetie.Leonard: Want a cup of coffee?Penny: Oh, um, I should probably get going.Leonard:Come on. It’s just a cup of coffee.Penny: Yep, okay.Howard (to Raj, who has whispered to him): Oh, yeah, the whole thing seems a little twisted to me, too. Leonard: What am I smelling?Penny: Sheldon’s churro on my shoes.Scene: Sheldon’s bedroom.Penny:He’s such an angel when he’s asleep.Leonard: Yeah. Shame he has to wake up.Penny: I think we can do it.Leonard:Smother Sheldon in his sleep? Wouldn’t that be wrong?Penny: No, be friends. You and me.Leonard: Oh. Sure. Absolutely.Penny:Good. I’m glad.Leonard: Here’s an idea. I’m just throwing it out there, friends who have sex. Penny: Good night, Leonard.Leonard:Kidding. Just a couple of friends goofin’ around.Sheldon(in his sleep): No, Goofy, no.。

生活大爆炸英文剧本"The Big Bang Theory" A Celebration of Friendship and Nerdy Humor。

"The Big Bang Theory" is a beloved American sitcom that has captured the hearts of millions of viewers around the world. The show revolves around a group of friends who are all brilliant scientists and self-proclaimed nerds, and their adventures in love, friendship, and the pursuit of knowledge. With its witty humor, endearing characters, and heartwarming storylines, "The Big Bang Theory" has become a cultural phenomenon and a celebration of all things nerdy.The show's success can be attributed to its brilliant writing, talented cast, and its ability to strike a chord with audiences of all ages. The characters, including the socially awkward but lovable physicist Sheldon Cooper, the charming and slightly neurotic Leonard Hofstadter, the sweet and naive astrophysicist Rajesh Koothrappali, and the lovable and quirky engineer Howard Wolowitz, have become iconic figures in popular culture. Their unique quirks and idiosyncrasies, combined with their unwavering loyalty and support for each other, have endeared them to fans all over the world.One of the most endearing aspects of "The Big Bang Theory" is its celebration of friendship. The show emphasizes the importance of having a close-knit group of friends who support and care for each other, despite their differences and eccentricities. The camaraderie and bond between the characters serve as a reminder of the value of true friendship and the joy that comes from sharing life's ups and downs with those we love.In addition to its heartwarming portrayal of friendship, "The Big Bang Theory" also celebrates all things nerdy. The show is filled with references to comic books, science fiction, video games, and other elements of geek culture, and it has helped to bring these interests into the mainstream. The characters' unapologetic embrace of their nerdy hobbies and passions has inspired countless fans to embrace their own interests and be proud of who they are."The Big Bang Theory" is not just a television show; it is a celebration of friendship, humor, and the joy of being true to oneself. Its legacy will continue to live on in the hearts of fans who have been touched by its humor and heartwarming messages. As we bid farewell to this beloved sitcom, we can take comfort in the knowledge that its impact will be felt for years to come, and its lessons of friendship and self-acceptance will continue to inspire and uplift audiences around the world.。

风筝嗬Kites,ho!风筝嗬Kites,ho!不好意思Excuse me.你们误用了"嗬"这个词You're misusing the word "ho."这是用于引起目标注意的感叹词It's an interjection used to call attention而不是物体例如"停下嗬"to a destination,not an object,as in,uh,"Land,ho!"或者"向西嗬"Or,uh,"Westward,ho!"风筝嗬Kites,ho!各位好在忙什么Hey,guys. Whatcha doin'?出去发现电的存在吗Going out to discover electricity?如果你说的是本杰明·富兰克林的成果If you're referring to the work of Benjamin Franklin, 他没有"发现电的存在"he did not "discover electricity,"他只是利用风筝证明he merely used a kite to determine闪电"带"电that lightning "consists" of electricity.他还发明了富兰克林壁炉式取暖炉He also invented the Franklin stove,双光眼镜和灵活导尿管bifocals and the flexible urinary catheter.风筝嗬Kites,ho.我们准备去斗风筝We're heading out for some kite fighting.-斗风筝-对- "Kite fighting"? - Oh,yeah.一项极具竞争性和激烈性的运动It's an extremely competitive,cutthroat sport.其实割到喉咙的风险很低Well,actually,the risk of throat cutting is very low. 另外严重被线擦伤才是真实On the other hand,severe string burn is a real且经常发生的危险and ever-present danger.你想来观战吗You want to come watch?天啊Oh,gee...听着很不错Sounds amazing.不过我有些朋友会过来But,um,I've got some friends coming over.没什么大事Not a big thing-- we're just只是聚在一起看内布拉斯加比赛gonna watch the Nebraska game.橄榄球行Oh. Football,sure.猜得好Good guess.我本想叫上你但我知道你不是球迷I would've invited you,but I know you're not a football fan. 对当然很好No,no,I'm not,so... great.你能做自己喜欢的事You've got plans我也能做自己喜欢的事doing something you like,I've got plans这样很好doing something I like,so it's good.我们能迟些再聚Well,maybe we'll hang out later--等大家都走了you know,after everybody's gone.行可以Yeah,great.再见See ya.太逊了Well,this sucks.抱歉我觉得无聊开小差了I'm sorry,I got bored and drifted off.什么东西很逊Where exactly in the interaction did the sucking lie?莱纳德刚发现佩妮不想带他见朋友Leonard just realized that Penny's been hiding him因为莱纳德是个身材矮小from her friends because he's a tiny,little man又喜欢放风筝的人who flies kites.这当然会很逊Oh,that certainly would suck.沃罗威茨想侧翼包围咱们Wolowitz is trying to outflank us.你放线飞高点Let out some string,add altitude我从下方偷袭割他的线and I'll go under and cut his line.为什么佩妮不想让她朋友认识我Why wouldn't Penny want her friends to meet me? 集中精神比赛莱纳德Focus,Leonard,focus!战斗的热浪迎面而来The heat of battle is upon us.战争的恶犬已被释放The dogs of war are unleashed.或许库萨帕里说得对Maybe Koothrappali's right.也许我让她囧了Maybe I embarrass her.你现在就让我囧了You're embarrassing me right now.一个大男人在放风筝的时候A grown man worrying about such nonsense居然担心这种无聊东西when in the middle of flying kites.对不起Sorry.道歉可打不下对方的风筝Sorry won't bring their kites down.被线擦伤痛痛String burn! String burn!他们以为我们想侧翼包围Oh,they think we're flanking.正中我们下怀They're playing right into our hands.我数到三使出绝杀飞剪On the count of three,we execute the flying scissor. 一二One,two...哇Whoa!-看到没-什么- Did you see that? - See what?那个小妞她冲我笑That chick-- she smiled at me.-没有-有- No,she didn't. - Yes,she did.快飞剪飞剪Come on,scissors,scissors!-帮我拿着-等等- Hold my line. - Wait.你去干什么What are you doing?我没法单独使出飞剪I can't scissors by myself!霍华德回来Howard! Come back!胜利Victory!狗娘养的Son of a bitch.你真是垃圾朋友知道吗You're a sucky friend,you know that?比垃圾还垃圾的朋友A sucky,sucky friend.我能怎样What was supposed to do?她冲我那么诱惑一笑She gave me that "come-hither" look.就算她冲你笑那也是笑你很逊If she gave you any look at all. it was a "you suck" look. 如果没有拉伤大腿我就能追上她I would've caught up to her if I hadn't pulled a hammy. 拜托你才80磅重Oh,please,you weigh 80 pounds.哪有什么大腿肌肉You don't have a hammy.佩妮不想带我见朋友So,Penny doesn't want me around her friends.我让她囧了有其他可能吗I embarrass her. What else could it be?她的行为Well,her actions能理解为顾及你的感受could be out of concern for your feelings也许她不让你参加聚会Perhaps she's excluded you from these gatherings是因为她想物色新配偶because she's scouting for a new mate但不想让你看到and don't want to do it in front of you.她真贴心Oh... how kind of her.同意Agreed.大多数灵长类动物没有这种判断力Most primates don't show that sort of discretion.雌性倭黑猩猩会在前配偶面前A female bonobo will copulate with a new male与新配偶交配in front of the old one根本不会想"你怎么样"without so much as a "how do you do?"你老是这样知道吗You always do this,you know?抛下我去追没有机会追到的女人You ditch me for a woman you don't have a shot with. 我完全有机会I totally had a shot. With a woman在公园追逐一名女子you were chasing through a park--这不叫机会这叫重罪that's not a shot,that's a felony.搭上我赢回来的帕唐风筝更罪加一等What's worse,it cost me my prized Patang fighting kite. 谢尔顿能不能行行好Sheldon,I don't suppose there's any chance把风筝还给我you could give me my kite back?对不起拉杰空战的规则I'm sorry,Raj,but the rules of aerial warfare规定战败的风筝归胜者dictate at the fallen kite go to the victor.没有规则比赛就没有意义And without rules,the competition has no meaning.没有比赛意义And without meaning,下面的动作就只会是个空洞的姿态the following would be an empty gesture.你的风筝归我了I have your kite.你的橄榄球派对如何How was your football party?-很不错我们赢了-哇- It was pretty good. We won. - Oh,wow.太棒了That's excellent.你不觉得这个比喻很怪吗It's a weird figure of speech,isn't it不是我们在玩却说"我们赢了""We won" when you weren't actually playing.当我们看《星球大战》的时候When we watch Star Wars,我们不会说"我们打败了帝国"we don't say,"We defeated the Empire."很高兴听你这么说I'm glad to hear it.对了还有个相关问题Oh,hey,on a related subject,我跟你朋友在一起会让你觉得有失颜面吗Are you embarrassed to have me around your friends? 天呐当然不会Oh,my god,no.为什么要这么问Why would you ask that?我才发现Well,you know,I just noticed我还没见过他们呢I haven't really met any of them.你肯定见过Sure you have.对我见过你那高大的前男友Yeah,no,I met the huge ex-boyfriend还有小一点但还是比我高大的前男友and the smaller yet still larger than me ex-boyfriend 顺便问一下他们今天来了吗By the way,were they here today?-当然没有-当然没有- Of course not. - Of course not.为什么要来为什么我会问Why would they be? Why would I ask?为什么我这么无厘头为什么你不制止我Why am I rambling? Why don't you stop me?莱纳德Leonard,look,如果你想见我的朋友当然很好啦if you want to meet my friends,that would be great. 我只是不想让你觉得太无聊I just,you know,I didn't want you to be bored.我才不会觉得无聊呢I wouldn't be bored.为什么我会无聊Why would I be bored?因为他们不是天才科学家啊Well,'cause they're not genius scientists.佩妮我喜欢各种各样的人Penny,I like all sorts of people.事实上我最好的一些朋友并不是天才In fact,some of my best friends aren't geniuses.比如说Like who?好吧我的某些Facebook朋友不是天才Okay,some of my Facebook friends aren't geniuses. 重点在于如果我们要成为一对My point is,if we're going to be a couple,我应该是你朋友的朋友I should be friends with your friends.好啊太棒了那你下周六Okay,great. Well,then why don't you跟我们一起看橄榄球比赛吧come over next Saturday and watch the game with us. 又有橄榄球赛吗Another football game?橄榄球赛每周都有的They have them every week.不知道这回事Did not know that.-你想见我的朋友-当然- You wanted to meet my friends. - Sure.当然但是我对橄榄球不大了解Sure,just I don't know much about football.那没关系很多男生的Oh,that's okay-- a lot of the guys'女朋友完全不懂橄榄球girlfriends don't know football.她们就只在厨房边喝酒边聊天They just kind of drink and talk in the kitchen."真不错"Great.好的成功的传球Okay,a complete pass.一档新英格兰First down,New England.我觉得我开始有点明白了I think I'm starting to get this.真的吗Really?过去两小时中我唯一学到的The only thing I've learned in the last two hours就是美国男人喜欢喝啤酒is that American men love drinking beer,尿太多导致勃起障碍pee too often and have trouble getting erections.把精力放比赛上而不是广告拉杰Focus on the game,not the commercials,Raj.我只是说如果人们能减少啤酒摄入I'm just saying,maybe if you people cut back on the beer, 就可以从厕所中解脱出来you could get out of the bathroom在不使用医药帮助的情况下满足他的女人and satisfy your women without pharmaceutical help.拉杰你在这儿干嘛呢Raj,what are you doing here?你本该帮我改装我的小摩托You were supposed to help me pimp out my Vespa.对不起I'm sorry,你还沉浸在我们仍是朋友的印象中吗are you under the impression that we're still friends?别这样Oh,come on.你不会还在纠结风筝的事情吧You're not still grinding on the kite thing,are you?这不仅仅是风筝的事情It's not just the kite thing.每次我们出去玩你都认为你可以随时Every time we go some place,you think you can just把我丢下去追路过的漂亮美眉dump me whenever someone prettier comes along,尽管你跟她们完全没可能even though you don't have a shot with them.我跟那个跑步的有可能成的I had a shot with that jogger.行啊那找她与你一起往你的小绵羊上画绿焰去Fine. Paint green flames on your little scooter with her. 那不是小绵羊It's not a little scooter.那是他们造的第二大小摩托It's the second biggest Vespa they make!你在看橄榄球Are you watching football?没跟你开玩笑There's no fooling you.屏幕上的"sacks"数据又是什么Now,what is this sacks statistic they put up there?我只知道我妈经常去"Sacks"商店买东西All I know about Sacks is,my mother shops there. Sacks sacksSacks,sacks...这是个橄榄球术语用于四分卫It's football nom for when a quarterback is tackled在启球线之后被擒倒behind the line of scrimmage.启球Scrimmage.启球线是一条假想的横截线The line of scrimmage is the imaginary transverse line 用于区分进攻方与防守方separating the offense from the defense.谢尔顿懂橄榄球Sheldon knows football?很显然他懂Apparently.魁地奇他肯定懂橄榄球他也懂?I mean,Quidditch,sure. But football?谢尔顿你怎么知道这个Sheldon,how do you know this stuff?我可是在德克萨斯长大的I grew up in Texas.橄榄球在德克萨斯无处不在Football is ubiquitous in Texas:职业橄榄球大学橄榄球Pro football,college football,高中橄榄球初中橄榄球high school football,peewee football...事实上所有种类的橄榄球都有除了最原始的In fact,every form of football except the original--欧式橄榄球European football.而大部分德克萨斯人认为这是共产党阴谋Which most Texans believe to be a Commie plot.真难以置信Unbelivable.如果你感兴趣我还知道所有If you're interested,I also know all about frying meat 似鸡非鸡的炸肉排的相关知识that isn't chicken as if it were chicken.那你能教我吗So you could teach me?橄榄球还是炸肉排Football or chicken-fried meats?橄榄球Football.我周日要去佩妮家I'm going to Penny's on Saturday跟她的朋友们看比赛to watch a game with her friends我不想自己看上去像个白痴我想融入进去and I don't want to look lik an idiot. I want to blend in. 如果你想融入佩妮的朋友圈If you want to blend in with Penny's friends,我觉得扮作个白痴I'd think looking like an idiot会是完美的伪装would be the perfect camouflage.别这样谢尔顿教我橄榄球吧Come on,Sheldon,please teach me about football.会很有趣的It'll be fun.这跟我爸说的完全一样That's exactly what my father said."来看球赛吧去看球赛吧""Come to the games. Watch the games."周复一周的Week in and week out from the time从五岁直到我上大学I was five until I went off to college.人生当中最漫长的七年Longest seven years of my life.求你了这是朋友的请求Please,I'm asking you as a friend.你要将这作为一级友情请求吗Are you making this a tier one friendship request?是的Yes.那好吧Fine.-我非常感谢-算了算了- I really appreciate this. - Yeah,yeah.那好呆子闭嘴坐下听好All right,Poindexter,sit down,shut up and listen.你说啥I'm sorry?我老爸每次讲到橄榄球的话题That's how my father always began都是这个开场白our football conversations.如果你想的话And if you'd like,比赛后after the game,我还可以带你出去I'll take you outside and teach you how to shoot教你射会自己便便的浣熊Close enough to racoon that craps itself.你能别再摆弄赛昂吐司了吗(太空堡垒卡拉狄加里的人类天敌) When are you going to stop making Cylon toast?待我囤积的吐司大军足以毁灭传说中When I have enough to destroy all the human toast太空堡垒卡拉狄加上的人类吐司之后on the battlestar known as Galactica.你就穿这去佩妮那儿看橄榄球吗Is that what you're wearing to watch football at Penny's?这件球衣咋不对劲了What's wrong with a football jersey?没啥Nothing.只是看上去更像特制橄榄球鸡尾酒That,however,appears to be a football cocktail dress.这是最小号的I's the smallest size they had,除了狗狗衫以外except the one for dogs.难以置信居然还有专门的狗狗衫I can't believe they had one for dogs.当然有了Oh,yes.犬类球迷在德州司空见惯Canine football fans are a common sight in Texas.但是猫咪却不肯穿运动服Cats,however,refuse to wear sporting apparel.我姐有过惨痛教训My sister found that out the hard way.管他的祝我好运吧Anyway,wish me luck.等等莱纳德Leonard,wait.你是想通过结交佩妮的朋友Am I correct in assuming that your attempt to be accepted 来维持你俩间的性爱关系by Penny's pair to ensure我这么假设没错吧your continuing mating privileges with her?对我来说不尽然如此Well,I wouldn't put it exactly that way那到底是怎样How would you put it?好吧其实就是你说的那样Yeah,okay,like you said.看来要经历一段性关系Huh. Seems like an awful lot of trouble还真是麻烦得要命to go through for intercourse.你就不能花钱找个妓女吗Don't you have access to women who will do it for money? 顺便By the way.在这种语境下也可以"嗬"一声Another accepted usage for the term "ho."再见谢尔顿Good-bye,Sheldon.等下Hold on我认为按照社会传统规定I believe that social convention你可不能两手空空地上门dictate you not arriving empty-handed.带些赛昂吐司吧Would you like to bring some Cylon toast?不带我想融入其中才不想被嘲笑Yeah,no,I'm trying to fit in,not get laughed at.赛昂吐司有啥好笑What's funny about Cylon toast?门没锁It's open.好啊哥们儿Hey,pal.你来干嘛What do you want?我给你带了件小礼物I brought you a little gift.一只新风筝New kite.你害我输掉的那只可是正宗的帕唐风筝The kite you made me lose was an authentic Patang, 是我兄弟从新德里给我寄来的Indian fighting kite印度战斗风筝that my brother sent to me from New Delhi.我组装了一整天两天用来上色It took me a day to put together and two days to paint. 而这是Hello KittyThis is Hello Kitty.没错但这可附带一只零钱袋呢Yeah,but it comes with a little coin purse.帕唐风筝有吗Does a Patang?你还是不懂是吗Wow,you just don't get it,do you?就算你给我买什么可爱的小玩意Buying me something pretty isn't going也不能解决问题to make our problem just go away.听我说我有时候的确Look,I admit I haven't always been不是一个绝佳好友the best friend I could be.你根本就是超级烂友烂到极点Y've been a sucky friend,a sucky,sucky friend.没说错Stipulated.你一直都这样And you do it all the time.上周在Radio Shack商场(美国电子产品零售商) Last week in the mall at Radio Shack,we were looking 我们在帮你妈找一部超大号码键的电话for a phone with giant numbers for your mother,而我一转眼你居然就不见了and I suddenly realize you're not even there.-我知道-你去哪儿了- I know,I know... - And Where were you?被HDOS快餐店的一个女孩儿勾走了Getting shot down by the girl at Hot Dog on a Stick. 听我解释她实在很火辣嘛But in my defense,she was gorgeous!一边用榨汁机做柠檬汁And working that squeezer to make the lemonade,一边上下扭腰摆臀的going and down and up and down.简直就是在美食天地中It was like a free pole dance免费欣赏钢管舞嘛right in the middle of the food court.你真是不可理喻You're impossible.至少我不用喝醉酒Hey,at least I can talk to women就能和女人交谈自如without being drunk.不好意思我这是选择性缄默症Excuse me,I have selective mutism,被鉴定为是生理疾病a recognized medical disorder.你呢你不过是个脑残You're just a douche.不知道吗No. You know what?也许这才是原因Maybe that's what this whole thing's about.你不是在生我的气You're not mad at me,而是气你自己you're mad at yourself.不我就是生你的气No,I'm mad at you.我是讨厌自己但我还是生你的气I hate myself,but I'm mad at you.好吧你生我气我明白Fine. You're mad at me. I get it.何不今天咱一起过How about we go spend the day together?就我们俩Just the two of us.你想去哪儿都成We'll go anywhere you want.我不知道I don't know.别这样嘛Come on.我带你去好玩的地方Let me take you someplace nice.我很喜欢沥青坑博物馆(展出动物化石的公园) I-I do enjoy the La Brea Tar Pits.现在去那交通和停车问题Really,now? With the traffic and the parking?管他的走Okay,fine.沥青坑我们来啦The Tar Pits. Let's go.我怎么就对你没辙呢Oh,why can't I stay mad at you?上啊上啊Go! Go! Go!快上太好了Go-go-go-go! Yes!你们没看到吗Are you people watching this?这真是太棒了Is this amazing or what?亲爱的现在放的是Sweetie,that's a highlight98年冠军赛的比赛集锦from the '98 championship game.我不知道Oh. Did not know that.-你喝了多少-没喝怎么- How much beer have you had? - None,why?没啥我只是希望你喝醉了Oh. I was just kind of hoping you were drunk.-现在回到现场直播了-好- Now we're back live. - Okay,yeah.我能看出跟之前的差别I can see the difference.怎么不掷黄旗那绝对是故意出界Oh,where's the flag? That's intentional grounding.-绝对的-那完全就是个向前传球- Totally. - That completely was a forward pass,也就是说他们故意传球不成功Which they threw intentionally incomplete以免被罚码数或为了节省时间To avoid loss of yardage or to conserve time我真不敢相信裁判甚至不I can't believe they're not罚掉他们失去一次进攻机会Being penalized with the loss of a down并将启球线And by having to move the line of scrimmage移回到犯规的地方重新开始进攻Back to the spot of the foul.来吃块披萨亲爱的Here,have some pizza,sweetie.佩妮你知道我有乳糖不耐症的Penny,you know I'm lactose intolerant.我知道我只想让你别说话I know. I just need you stop talking.佩妮佩妮佩妮Penny. Penny. Penny.-谢尔顿进来吧-谢谢- Sheldon,come in. - Thank you.我想做三明治但没面包了I'd like to make a sandwich,but I'm out of bread.冰箱里有There's some in the fridge.你不该把面包放冰箱里的You shouldn't keep your bread in the refrigerator.淀粉分子间的结晶作用会让面包变硬Staleness is caused by crystallization of the starch molecules, 在低温条件下这一过程会加速Which occurs faster at cool temperatures.在地球上我们都说"谢谢"On Earth,we say "thank you."莱纳德鹦鹉学舌得怎么样So Leonard,how goes the mimesis?鹦鹉学舌"Mimesis"?你知道的鹦鹉学舌You know. Mimesis.就是鹦鹉学着某个特定的目标或人物An action in which the mimic takes on the properties模仿他们的行为of a specific object or organism.鹦鹉学舌Mimesis.你到底在说什么啊What the hell are you talking about?我是在跟你交流I'm attempting to communicate with you又不想让你周围的人明白Without my meaning becoming apparent to those around you. 我再试一次好了Let me try again.这几个"本地物种"Have the indigenous fauna接受你为他们中一员了吗Accepted you as one of their own?咯吱咯吱使使眼色Nudge,nudge,wink,wink.我想是吧Oh,I guess so.很好顺便提醒你Good. Oh,FYI.我吃完三明治之后我就带库萨帕里的After I eat my sandwich,I'm taking Koothrappali's帕唐风筝出去试飞一下Patang kite out for a test run.你想带着你的三角翼猛禽跟我一起去吗Would you like to get your delta-wing raptor and join me?谢尔顿我不想去放风筝I don't want to fly kites,Sheldon.我们正看球赛呢We're watching football here.我看得出来I can see that.只是给你另外一个选择而已I was providing you with an alternative.而且是之前从未在类似情况下提供过的恩惠A courtesy I was never offered in similar circumstances.快看Oh,look at that.俄克拉荷马的主教练掷红旗The Oklahoma coach throw down a red flag表明他对场上裁决表示异议Indicating he's challenging the ruling on the field.希望他是对的不然的话I hope he's right,'cause if he'not,他就要付出三次暂停中的一次作为代价了It'll cost him one of his three time-outs.莱纳德亲爱的You know,Leonard,honey,你想跟谢尔顿出去斗风筝的话我不介意的I wouldn't mind if you wanted to go fly kites with Sheldon. 不我想看完这比赛No,I'll watch the end of the game.再说反正也就剩三分钟了Besides,there's only three minutes left.上半场剩三分钟Until halftime.才到上半场结束This is justalf?都几个小时了We've been here for hours.还得再有几个小时And you're gonna be here for a couple more.-你开什么玩笑-没开玩笑- Oh,you're kidding me. - No.很高兴见到各位Nice meeting all of you.是啊那啥那就是我男朋友So,yeah,anyway,that's my boyfriend.他真的很聪明He is really smart.这剑齿猫[即剑齿虎]我真的很喜欢I really like my saber-toothed cat.谢谢你Thank you.别客气My pleasure.也许午饭后我们还可以去圣安东尼奥餐厅Maybe after lunch,we can go to Marie Callender's吃几个派And have some pie.我很想去I'd like it.这真是一个完美的周六This is turning out to be a perfect Saturday.很好我很荣幸Good.I'm glad.兄弟看到她怎么对我笑了吗Oh,man. Did you see the way she smiled at me?好吧你去好了Fine. Go ahead.不行今儿就我们俩过No. This is our day.想去追的话就去吧If you want to chase after her,chase after her.开什么玩笑那样的女孩我一点机会都没有的Ah,who am I kidding? I wouldn't have a shot with a girl like that. 别这么妄自菲薄Don't put yourself down.你还是很有吸引力的You're a very attractive man.-你真这么想-对- You think so? - Yeah.当然虽然我不会强迫你跟我去上Absolutely. It wouldn't kill you普拉提锻炼肌肉To take a Pilates class with me now and then,但你的竹竿身材还是有点吸引力的But you have a certain wiry appeal是啊都无所谓了Yeah,well,it doesn't matter因为她又没真的对我笑'cause she wasn't really smiling at me.事实上这次我觉得她确实有Actually,in this case,I think she was.真的Really?-真的-回见- Yeah. - Bye.真是个傻瓜What a douche.。

谢尔顿你错了Sheldon,you're wrong.金刚狼出生时没有骨爪Wolverine was not born with bone claws.霍华德Howard,你知道我是个聪明绝顶的人you know me to be a very smart man.我要是错了我能不知道吗Don't you think if I were wrong,I'd know it?-首先... -算了吧- Okay,first of all... - Give it up,dude.别跟疯子争辩了You're arguing with a crazy person.我不是疯子I'm not crazy.我妈妈带我去检测过My mother had me tested.-伙计们 -你来这干嘛- Hey,guys. - What are you doing here?你说呢今晚是新漫画书之夜啊What do you mean? It's new comic book night.鉴于你和佩妮终于勾搭上了Yeah,but since you and Penny finally hooked up,we thought我们以为你们会来个光溜溜之夜呢you two would be having bouncy naked yum-yum night.生活并非只有性爱拉杰There's more to life than sex,Raj.谁认同"莱佩情24小时内熄火"Okay,who had "Leonard flames out with Penny in less than 24 hours"?我I did.什么都没熄火Nothing flamed out.我们没必要夜夜春宵We don't have to have sex every night,you know.是没必要但强烈推荐啊You don't have to,but it's highly recommended.在机遇之窗猛然关闭之前好好利用这段绝佳时期Yeah,take advantage of that window of opportunity before it slams shut on your little dinky.这不是机遇的问题It's not a matter of opptunity.我们要了解对方We're getting to know each other.有学习的曲折过程There's a learning curve.有什么可学的What's there to learn?脱光光互相猥亵对方You get naked,do nasty things to each other,然后某人做做炒蛋和香肠then somebody makes scrambled eggs and salami.小菜一碟Easy peasy.或许莱纳德Perhaps what Leonard间接所指的is oblique referring to是性功能障碍吧is the occurrence of some sort of sexual dysfunction. 谁认同"小莱软趴了"[阳痿]Okay,who had "Leonard gets a floppy disk"?真聪明虽然这种委婉表达Oh,a clever,albeit obsolete,euphemism男性性器官充血不足的说法过时了for insufficient blood flow the male sex organ.不是那么回事Nothing like that happened,all right?那次做爱...挺好The sex was... just fine.挺好Just fine?《哈利?波特》第4部电影也"挺好"Oh,dude,the fourth Harry Potter movie was "just fine." 我没说它很差I'm not saying it was bad.我只是说...不是非常好I'm just saying it... wasn't great.你说的"不是非常好"Okay,when you say "it wasn'great,"是指你们都这么认为吗do you mean for both of you?我们完全可以认为她觉得不好Because we can totally see it not being great for her. -对吧 -没错- Am I right? - Oh,yeah.说实话我想我们都有点...To tell you the truth,I think we were both a little... 我不知道I don't know.沮丧失望Disappointed? Let down?羞愧恐惧厌恶Ashamed? Horrified? Repulsed?我只觉得跟梦想中的不一样All I know is,it wasn't the way I dreamed it would be. 真正做爱跟我梦想中的从来都不一样Sex is never the way I dream it's gonna be.那是因为在梦中That's because in your dreams,你是半人马you're a horse from the waist down.打扰了《金刚狼前传》Excuse me,Wolverine: Origin.迷你剧2 第22页Miniseries issue two,page 22.伸缩自如的骨爪Retractable bone claws.你们要是能少花点时间在性上If you people spent less time thinking about sex多花点时间在漫画书上and more time concentrating on comic books,我们就能减少相当多的尴尬时刻了we'd have far fewer of these embarrassing moments.谢尔顿吃饭啦Sheldon,dinner's here.唐杜里膳宫?Tandoori Palace?不我们去了家新餐馆No,we went somewhere new.你们是在嘲笑我是吗You're good naturedly ribbing me,aren't you?没有看孟买膳宫No,look,Mumbai Palace.为什么Why?为什么要改变Why would we change?已经有个完美的膳宫了We had a perfectly good palace.唐杜里膳宫就是我们的御膳房Tandoori Palace is our palace.相信我这个也挺好Trust me,this will be just fine.你可是"挺好"的You are the authority权威代表on "just fine."那是什么意思What's that supposed to mean?就是"不差也不好"It's actually "Not bad,but not great".他们在说什么What are they talking about?-我不知道 -我知道- I don't know. - I know.我相信你已发现As I'm sure you're aware...哒哒哒哒哒哒Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh.如果你用的是莫尔斯电码If that's Morse code,未免太没水平了That's terrible.言归正传你和莱纳德As I was saying,you and Leonard had的性爱比较失望a disappointing sexual encounter.今天傍晚Earlier this evening,莱纳德将其描述为"挺好"Leonard characterized as "just fine."所以你看到的只是So what you're seeing here is a continuation 嘲笑的后续篇of the mocking that followed.行啊Okay,yeah,well,我去其他地方吃饭吧I'm just gonna go eat my dinner elsewhere. 说不定去一架要撞山的飞机上Maybe an airplane headed for a mountainside. 佩妮等等Penny,wait.你有毛病啊What is wrong with you?我感觉自己貌似说过分了I sense I may have crossed some sort of line.-对你... -别告诉他- Yeah,you... - No,don't tell him.看他能不能弄懂Let's see if he can figure it out.简直羞死人了Ugh,I am so embarrassed!别生气嘛Please don't be mad.你跟他们说了什么What did you tell them?没什么就说昨晚的事挺好Nothing bad,just that last night was fine.挺好? 你说挺好?Fine? You said it was fine?这个词很好啊Yeah,it's a perfectly good word.放在"酒"和"餐"前面You put it in front of "wine" or "dining,"效果不是很好嘛and you've really got something.我想问问你Okay,well,let me ask you this:你觉得昨晚怎么样How was last night for you?我觉得...还行It was... okay.还行?Okay?这个词很好啊Yeah,it's a perfectly good word.放在"不错"前面I mean,you put it in front of "dokay"效果也很好啊And you really got something.算了别小题大做了All right,look,let's not overreact,you know.很多情侣都需要时间才能了解彼此的节奏For a lot of couples,it takes time to get to know each other's rhythms. 明白对方的喜好Learn what the other person was and likes.这么说你以前有过经验?So,you've been through this before?没有No.行啊Okay-dokay.我觉得这件事越讨论只会越糟糕You know,I think this is one of those things where talking about it is not going to make it better.喝一杯吗Want a glass of wine?-正合我意 -好So much. Okay我们昨晚就该这样嘛See,we should've done this last night.喝点小酒刺激刺激You know,have a little wine,take the edge off.事实上酒精会抑制神经细胞的电传导Actually,ethyl alcohol inhibits electrical conduction并会刺激感受器重新摄取抑制性神经递质in the nerve cells and stimulates reuptake receptors比如伽马氨基丁酸of inhibitory neurotranmitters like gamma-aminobutyric acid.闭嘴喝酒就是Don't talk,just drink.不你搞错了No,you're misunderstanding.谢夏不是真的女神(犹太人用以称呼非犹太的女人)A shiksa goddess isn't an actual goddess.我们不用向她们祈祷And we don't pray to them.我们在她们身上祈祷We prey on them.管他呢兄弟Whatever,dude.关键在于莱纳德有他的女人而你没有The point is,Leonard's got one and you don't.我想到了Is this it当着莱纳德和佩妮的面It was inappropriate to discuss Leonard and Penny's sex life谈论他们的性生活是不合适的in front of Leonard and Penny.太棒了Oh,good!终于可以吃饭了Now I can eat.啥东西What's that?-好像是个蟋蟀 -等下Sounds like a cricket. Hang on.根据每分钟的鸣叫次数Based on the number of chirps per minute并结合房间的环境温度and the ambient temperature in this room,这是一只雪树蟋蟀it is a snowy tree cricket.靠饶了我吧Oh,give me a freakin' break.你怎么可能知道How could you possibly know that?1980年埃米尔?道贝尔In 1890,Emile Dolbear得出结论determined that there was雪树蟋蟀每分钟的鸣叫次数a fixed relationship between the number与环境温度之间of chirps per minute of the snowy tree cricket存在着固定的关系and the ambient temperature.而在普通平原蟋蟀之中A precise relationship that is not present则不存在这种确切的关系with ordinary field crickets.你怎么会知道这房间的确切温度的How do you know what the exact temperature of the room is? 据我与莱纳德室友之间的协定Under the terms of my roommate agreement with Leonard,自从06年那次"浸汗之夜"以来I've had unilateral control of thermostat就由我来专门负责室内的恒温控制ever since the sweaty night of '06.好吧关于金刚狼的骨爪问题算你说对了Ok,you were right about wolverine and bone claws,但是这次你却错了but you're wrong about the cricket.霍华德少给自己丢脸了Howard,don't embarrass yourself.科学就像虫鸣一样从不说谎The science chirps for itself.幽默的文字游戏而已Humorous word play.不你绝对错了No,no,not this time.我可是昆虫的专家伙计I know insects,my friend.我的整个童年时代I spent many基本都在用网捕虫childhood years capturing them with nets,把它们放在玻璃瓶里用针钉成标本putting them in glass jars,sticking pins through them, 用瓦楞纸板做成标签mounting them on corrugated cardboard with Dymo labels 为它们分门别类属和种underneath,identifying the genus and species.用的可是拉丁文哦In Latin.天啊老兄你这辈子都别想得到女神垂青了Oh,dude,you are never getting a shiksa goddess.绝对是雪树蟋蟀That is a snowy tree cricket.雪树蟋蟀[拉丁语]Oecanthus fultoni.我早在五年级就通拉丁语了I was done with Latin by fifth grade.好吧这么着吧Okay,okay,tell you what.这绝对是一只普通平原蟋蟀I am willing to bet anything要我赌啥都成that's an ordinary field cricket.我不能拿你的钱I can't take your money.这算啥你临阵退缩吗[原词是英语里的鸡]What's the matter,you chicken?我总觉得这个用法很荒谬I've always found that an inappropriate slur.鸡这种动物天生就Chickens are not by nature,一点儿也不胆小at all timid.事实上在我小时候In fact,when I was young,我邻居家系鸡的绳子松了my neighbor's chiken got loose它一直追着我跑到我家门口的大榆树and chased me up the big elm tree in front of our house.鸡不会爬树Chickens can't climb trees.谢天谢地Thank God.好吧Okay,我相信你和鸡有宿怨I believe a chicken made you his bitch.但是这件事我可不服But the cricket thing,I don't buy.打赌吧Bet me.好吧Fair enough.赌什么What stakes do you propose?就赌我的第四十八期神奇四侠-银影侠现身I would put my Fantastic Four of No. 48 first appearance of Silver Surfer, 和你的第123期闪电侠against your Flash 123,两个世界的闪电侠经典系列the classic Flash of two worlds issue.好吧就这么定了All right,you have a wager.真是太好了Hmm. Great.你们怎么确定输赢呢Now how are you going to settle it,hmm?只有通过实际观察才能确定蟋蟀的种类吧There is no way to determine the species of the criet without examining it. 我在想今天那个不可怜的人在干嘛I wonder what the non-pathetic people are doing tonight.-再来点 -好吧-More wine? -Hit me.啥都没有I don't see anything.嘘Shh!从走廊传来的Hallway.一个一个走One at a time.这次又是什么What was that?我的肚子在抗议My stomach.吃不惯印度菜Indian food doesn't agree with me.这算是讽刺吗Ironic,isn't it?嘘Shh!是电梯井Elevator shaft.快帮忙打开Help me open it.你疯了吗Are you crazy?我们不能下到空的电梯井里去We can't go down empty elevator shaft.好啊如果你退缩Fine,if you don't want to proceed,就要没收你的赌注then you forfeit the bet,而你的神奇四侠就归我了and I'll take possession of your Fantastic Four.那就打开她吧Let's open her up.这么轻易被我操控你不烦恼吗Are you bothered that I can so easily manipulate you? 别逼我谢尔顿Don't push me,Sheldon.我是很矮但我13岁时可学过功夫I may be small,but I took kung fu when I was 13,现在还没生疏呢and I remember a good deal of it.是吗Oh,really?我有一个哥哥Well,I grew up with an older brother还有一对非常好争论的双胞胎姐姐and a very contentious twin sister.所以我确信在任何物理对抗中我都占上风并足以揍得你找不到北，记得那句经典名言吗 "你怎么自己打自己啊"And I believe I could easily best you in any physical confrontation-- be it noogies,swirlies or the classic "Why are you hitting yourself?"被鸡追得逃到树上的人还真敢吹啊Ooh,big talk from a man who was once treed by a chicken.我们现在喝的什么呀What are we drinking now?薄荷杜松子酒Peppermint schnapps.你买薄荷杜松子酒干嘛呀Why would you buy peppermint schnapps?因为我喜欢薄荷Because I like peppermint,而且杜松子酒念起来很爽and it's fun to say schnapps.-喂莱纳德 -什么- Hey,Leonard? - What?杜松子酒Schnapps.杜松子酒Schnapps.你对极了真好玩You're right,that is fun.小心啊Be careful.假若我不小心If I were not being careful,我不会因为你告诉我小心就小心your telling me to be careful would not make me careful.楼梯里Stairwell.哦哦手电灭了Uh-oh,flashlight went out.我需要电池I need some batteries.伙计们?Fellas?喂?Hello?这儿好黑呀It's really dark down here.唉宝贝Oh,sweetie.你真是不会喝酒啊You really can't hold your liquor,can you?我没事I'm okay.来点儿漱口水Just a little mouthwash,然后你就等着乐个够吧and then I'm gonna rock your world.你没事吧Are you okay?哎呀托比你上辈子造了什么孽Ugh,Toby,what did you do in a past life现在活得这么恶心to be so disgusting now?他不叫托比His name isn't Toby.蟋蟀怎么能叫托比呢Toby is an absurd name for a cricket.那你会叫他什么What would you name him?适合蟋蟀的名字An appropriate cricket name.比如说吉姆尼For example,Jiminy.好好All right,谢尔顿来吧Sheldon,here we go.北美昆虫野外指南Kleingast's Field Guide to North American Insects. 嘿托比Hey Toby.就在这儿Right here.看见了?See it?普通田野蟋蟀The common field cricket,学名Gryllus assimilisAK Gryllus assimilis,拉丁文就是"气死你你输了"的意思which is Latin for "suck it,you lose."等等Hang on.看看Voilà.雪白树蟋The snowy tree cricket.学名Oecanthus fultoniAKA Oecanthus fultoni,拉丁文就是"我气不死"which is Latin for I'll suck nothing.当然是玩笑Of course I'm joking因为那个的拉丁文是nihil exsorbibobecause the Latin for that is nihil exsorbibo.这根本不是托比That is not Toby,就是托比this is Toby.拉杰你怎么看Raj,what do you think?我早已经不关心了Oh,I really don't care anymore.天啊我昨晚上惨透了God,I had the most horrible night.显然是与谢萨女神的又一次失败肉体接触Obviously another carnal fiasco with the shiksi goddess. 是谢夏谢夏Shiksa. Shik-sa.对不起Forgive me.德州东部的人都不说犹太语Yiddish was not spoken in East Texas.即使说也没说几年And if it was,it wasn't spoken for long.好好随你怎么说Yeah,fine,whatever.事实是你又错了The point is,you're wrong again.咱们还没说清上次我什么时候错呢好了We haven't established that I'm wrong once. All right. 这么办吧咱们下楼Tell you what. Let's go down去昆虫系to the Entomology Department让克莱利教授告诉我们and let Professor Crawley tell us托比究竟是哪种蟋蟀what kind of cricket Toby is.他是雪树蟋蟀He's a snowy tree cricket,而且他叫吉姆尼and his name is Jiminy.我打赌要是在这屋里扔块石头I bet I could throw a rock in this room也能打中三个更好的朋友and come up with three better friends.我的天啊Holy crap.这块儿简直就像《沉默的羔羊》It's like Silence of the Lambs down here. 不要那样Don't do that.你简直像个女生You're such a girl.不过是虫子The're just bugs.哼我不喜欢虫子怎么啦Yeah,well,I don't like bugs,okay?它们让我害怕They freak me out.有趣Interesting你既怕虫子又怕女人You're afraid of insects and women.瓢虫[英文: 女士+虫]还不得把你吓昏了Ladybugs must render you catatonic.这是笑话It was a joke.我编来让你放松的I made it to lessen your discomfort.不用客气You're welcome.别敲门Don't knock.尽管进来吧Just walk in.对一位世界领先地位的Why be polite to the world's leading expert 屎克螂专家客气什么啊on the dung beetle?对不起Excuse me,你是克莱利教授吗are you Professor Crawley?谁想知道Who wants to know?我是物理系的库珀博士I'm Dr. Cooper from the Physics Department.等不及了是不?Couldn't wait,huh?什么I'm sorry?我还没装完东西I haven't even packed yet,你就已经来量我的实验室了and you're already measuring my lab准备装你们那些无神论的激光机器for one of your godless laser machines.不是你不明白No,you don't understand.我们只想问你个问题We just want to ask you a question.让我先问你Let me ask you one first.一位世界知名的昆虫学家What's a world renowned entomologist有博士学位with a doctorate有二十年的经验当学校裁掉and 20 years of experience to do with his life他实验室的经费之后他该干什么when the university cuts off the funding for his lab,huh? 向别人吐嘈Ask rhetorical questions让人家不舒服that make people uncomfortable?你又是怎么回事What's your deal?他们是不是打算把我的职位外包到班加罗尔Are they planning to outsource my job to Bangalore?我是新德里来的I'm from New Delhi.也许你该去问别的昆虫学家Maybe you should find another entomologist.不行不行咱们来了就得弄清楚No,no. We're here. Let's settle this.教授你能辨认出我们的蟋蟀吗Professor,can you identify our cricket?我当然能Of course I can.我能认出全世界所有的昆虫和节肢动物I can identify every insect and arachnid on the planet.但我也一样得去Not that that's going投奔我住在奥克斯纳德的女儿to keep me from having to move in with my daughter in Oxnard.而且这不是And we're not talking海滩旁边的奥克斯纳德Oxnard at the beach. No!我们说的是葱地中间的奥克斯纳德We're talking Oxnard in the onion fields.能帮忙鉴定下托比Well,could you look at Toby?托比Toby?蟋蟀叫这名字真蠢What a stupid name for a cricket.我就说嘛Told ya.就是只普通黑蟋蟀It's a field cricket.-太好了 -不等等- Yes! - No,no,wait.克莱利教授你确定吗Dr. Crawley,are you sure?年轻人我从8岁起就开始学习昆虫知识Young man,I've been studying insects since I was eight years old. 知道上学时他们都叫我什么You know what they used to call me in school?爬虫克莱利Creepy Crawley.这么叫你或许很残忍Cruel as that may be,但并不能证明什么But this is not in itself a credential.给你们看点东西Let me show you something.看到没See that?这是以我克莱利命名的金龟子That's a Crawley's dung beetle.我在婆罗洲的热带雨林里长途跋涉了六个月I discovered it after spending six months slogging才发现了它Through a Bornean rain forest,而我妻子却在家跟个穷酸的鸟类学家同居了While my wife was back home shacking up with a two-bit ornithologist 那人住在艘帆船上还喜欢穿牛仔喇叭裤Who lives on a sailboat and likes to wear boot-cut jeans!所以我跟你说这就是只普通黑蟋蟀时So,when I tell you that it's a common field cricket,就是确凿无疑的[双关 bank当银行解]You can take that to the damn bank!上帝知道我都不用跑银行了'Cause God knows I can't!那荡妇把我洗劫一空That tramp took me for everything!很显然我错了Well,apparently,I was wrong.恭喜Congratulations.祝你在奥克斯纳德过得愉快Enjoy Oxnard.相信你女儿一直盼着你去I'm sure your daughter's looking forward to having you.谢尔顿Oh,hey,Sheldon.拿的什么新漫画书What you got there? New comic book?旧漫画书Old comic book.刚从银行保管箱里取出来的I just retrieved it from my safe deposit box.你要银行保管箱干嘛What do you have a safe deposit box for?存旧漫画书Old comic books.用一场考虑不充分的蟋蟀赌局后我把这输给了沃罗威茨I lost this to Wolowitz in an ill-considered cricket wager.什么他们在玩蟋蟀电玩吗What,do they have Wii cricket now?这可不常见That can't be very popular.佩妮我不想谈这些Penny,I'd rather not talk about it.看这能不能让你好受些Well,if it makes you feel any better,我也不觉得自己有多性感了I'm not feeling so hot either.为什么这会让我好受些Why would that make me feel better?我不知道有共鸣I don't know,empathy?总之我的意思是Anyway,I'm just saying,你因霍华德而觉得沮丧That you're feeling upset about something with Howard, -我也因莱纳德而心情不好 -对- And I'm upset about something with Leonard. - Yes不尽如人意的性爱Yes,the disappointing sex.这怎么能相提并论That's an inexact parallel.你和莱纳德总可以当回朋友You and Leonard can always return to being friends,我却再也不可能回到过去Whereas I can never return to a state回到被沃罗威茨像Riley太太家的鸡那样In which Wolowitz has not bested me狠狠地把我击败之前Like Mrs. Riley's chicken.什么莱利太太家的鸡What's Mrs. Riley's chicken?就是莱利太太家养的鸡嘛A chicken that was owned by MrsRiley.好吧忘了那些鸡吧Okay,forget the chicken.我倒也想Well,I wish I could.不不No,no.关于我跟莱纳德你倒可能说对了You may be right about me and Leonard.我当然是对的Of course I'm right.我一周出错两次的几率能是多少What are the odds I'd be wrong twice in one week?不我是说我们总可以做回朋友的No,I mean,we can always go back to being friends.这话我刚说过了I just said that.这对话又回到了原点休会This conversation has started to circle.Meeting adjourned.你怎么了What's going on?你是想知道我今天的所有行程好吧Oh,you'd like to catch up on the events of the day. All right我在银行等了半个小时Well,there was a half-hour wait at the bank取了保管箱里的东西To get into my safe deposit box,然后被迫跟佩妮聊了你们的性生活问题I was forced to talk to Penny about your sexual problems,对了还有And,oh,yes,在一个充满了醍醐灌顶的时刻In a moment filled with biblical resonance,所谓骄者必败Pride wentth before my fall,我把第123期闪电侠输给了沃罗威茨Causing my Flash 123 to go with to Wolowitz.等等Wait a minute.你跟佩妮谈起我们俩的性生活You talked to Penny about our sex life?莱纳德你不断地关注这些无关紧要的真让我吃惊Leonard,it astonishes me how you continually fixate on the trivial. 我说我打赌输给沃罗威茨了I lost a bet to Wolowitz.对的Right,right.你是说你跟佩妮谈话了You're saying you talked to Penny?是的Ye-Yes.很有趣Interesting.怎么可能Hardly.失陪Excuse me.我又过分了吗Have I crossed some sort of line again?有点Little bit.谁在乎Oh,who cares?谢尔顿跟你说什么了Uh,what did Sheldon say to you?没说很多Not a lot.就说我们俩总可以回头做朋友的Just that we always have the option of going back to being friends. 你想这样吗Is that what you want?我不知道I don't know.但你不得不承认I mean,you have to admit我们只做朋友那会一切都简单多了Things seemed simpler when we were just friends.可能吧I guess.那会减轻很多压力It would take the pressure off.确实会不是吗It would,wouldn't it?所以我们就做朋友吧So,we'll just be friends.很好Good.很好Good.过来Come here.。

生活大爆炸第3季中英字幕1000:00:01,300 --> 00:00:03,700莱纳德看我的Hey, Leonard, check this out.200:00:08,230 --> 00:00:10,230莱纳德她又来了Leonard, she's doing it again.300:00:11,400 --> 00:00:13,860我觉得你调戏食物会让谢尔顿郁闷I think it upsets Sheldon when you play with the food.400:00:13,930 --> 00:00:17,300不应该是她从碗里随便拿起食物No. It upsets Sheldon when she willy-nilly takes it500:00:17,360 --> 00:00:20,200而不顾还要平均分配的问题时让谢尔顿很郁闷from the containers without regard for its equitable distribution.600:00:20,260 --> 00:00:24,230这就是印度有饥荒的根本原因This is essentially why you have famine in India.700:00:26,260 --> 00:00:28,960你要我吐回去吗You want me to put it back?800:00:29,030 --> 00:00:30,560莱纳德Leonard.900:00:30,630 --> 00:00:34,500当你调戏谢尔顿时会让谢尔顿郁闷It upsets Sheldon when you play with the Sheldon.1000:00:35,700 --> 00:00:38,930怎么样啊我亲爱的呆瓜们What's up, my nerdizzles?1100:00:39,000 --> 00:00:40,260拉杰谢尔顿Raj, Sheldon,1200:00:40,330 --> 00:00:42,200我想将我的女朋友伯纳黛特引见与你们I want you to meet my girlfriend Bernadette.1300:00:42,260 --> 00:00:44,960-你好 -莱纳德佩妮你们认识我的女友伯纳黛特的-Hello. -Leonard, Penny, you know my girlfriend Bernadette.1400:00:46,000 --> 00:00:48,200伯纳黛特跟呆瓜们说绝对的Bernadette, say fo'shizzle to my nerdizzles.1500:00:49,230 --> 00:00:51,730我不能这么说I don't think I can.1600:00:51,800 --> 00:00:54,430我没有霍华德那种街头痞子风I don't have Howard's street cred.1700:00:55,530 --> 00:00:56,530我希望这没造成问题I hope it's all right--1800:00:56,600 --> 00:00:57,870我跟我的女朋友伯纳黛特说I told my girlfriend Bernadette1900:00:57,930 --> 00:00:59,400她可以跟我们共进晚餐she could join us for dinner.2000:00:59,470 --> 00:01:00,400当然可以人多乐趣多Sure. The more, the merrier.2100:01:00,470 --> 00:01:02,530不对这是个错误的对等关系Wa-- no, that's a false equivalency.2200:01:02,600 --> 00:01:04,070人多不等于乐趣多More does not equal merry.2300:01:04,130 --> 00:01:06,530如果这公寓里现在有两千人If there were 2,000 people in this apartment right now,2400:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,130那我们会很开心吗不我们会窒息而死would we be celebrating? No, we'd be suffocating.2500:01:09,200 --> 00:01:11,330-谢尔顿 -别郁闷我- Sheldon... - Don't "Sheldon" me.2600:01:11,400 --> 00:01:13,150我们定的是五人份不是六人We ordered for five people, not six.2700:01:13,150 --> 00:01:14,160来不没事儿的Oh, come on, it's fine.2800:01:14,160 --> 00:01:16,440我们全部摊在桌上分享就好就像家庭聚餐式的We'll just put it all on the table, you know, family style.2900:01:16,440 --> 00:01:19,390噢那是当我们家庭聚餐时为什么不把手背到背后Oh, sure. And while we're at it, why don't we put our hands behind our backs,3000:01:19,390 --> 00:01:21,290来个老式的进食大赛呢have an old-fashioned eating contest?3100:01:21,640 --> 00:01:25,010放轻松没事儿的坐吧你们Relax, it'll be fine. Sit down, you guys.3200:01:26,570 --> 00:01:27,510别别别No! No! No!3300:01:27,570 --> 00:01:28,410怎么了What?!3400:01:29,410 --> 00:01:32,170对了你不能坐那儿Oh, yeah, you can't sit there.3500:01:32,240 --> 00:01:33,110为什么不能Why not?00:01:33,170 --> 00:01:34,670那是谢尔顿的专属座位That's where Sheldon sits.3700:01:34,740 --> 00:01:36,210他不能坐其他地方吗He can't sit somewhere else?3800:01:37,810 --> 00:01:39,370不不不你看啊在冬天呢No, no, no-- you see, in the winter,3900:01:39,440 --> 00:01:41,740这个座位与暖气片的距离足够让他保持温暖that seat is close enough to the radiator so that he's warm,4000:01:41,810 --> 00:01:43,170但又不会太近以至于出汗yet not so close that he sweats.4100:01:43,240 --> 00:01:45,170而在夏天这个位置又正好处在In the summer, it's directly in the path of4200:01:45,240 --> 00:01:47,540由这个和那个窗口之间对流所产生的微风之中a cross-breeze created by opening windows there and there.4300:01:47,610 --> 00:01:49,870这儿的角度并不是直接面朝电视It faces the television at an angle that isn't direct,4400:01:49,940 --> 00:01:51,340所以他还能跟所有人交谈so he can still talk to everybody,4500:01:51,410 --> 00:01:55,110同时又不会太偏导致画面失真yet not so wide that the picture looks distorted.4600:01:57,710 --> 00:02:00,410看来你还是孺子可教的嘛Perhaps there's hope for you after all.4700:02:21,020 --> 00:02:22,620生活大爆炸第三季第十集4800:02:27,870 --> 00:02:29,270喔我喜欢你的鞋子Ooh, I love your shoes.4900:02:29,340 --> 00:02:30,270谢谢Oh, thanks.5000:02:30,340 --> 00:02:31,470很可爱不是吗They are cute, aren't they?5100:02:31,540 --> 00:02:33,370-你在哪儿买到的 -实惠鞋店- Where'd you get them? - Shoes for Less.5200:02:33,440 --> 00:02:34,810我正有此意要去那儿I've been meaning to go over there.5300:02:34,870 --> 00:02:38,010东西很多价格也便宜Oh, great selection, great prices.5400:02:38,070 --> 00:02:41,040我娘说的对确实有地狱My mother was right. Hell is real.5500:02:42,040 --> 00:02:43,210别这样谢尔顿Come on, Sheldon.5600:02:43,270 --> 00:02:45,070让妇女们聊吧Let the womenfolk chat.5700:02:47,140 --> 00:02:49,010妇女Womenfolk?5800:02:49,070 --> 00:02:50,440少女Gals?5900:02:50,510 --> 00:02:51,570妞儿Chicks?6000:02:51,640 --> 00:02:54,670有子宫的美国人Utero-Americans?6100:02:54,740 --> 00:02:56,940吃你的饭吧Just eat your dinner.6200:02:57,010 --> 00:02:58,670别太跟他较真儿Don't take him too seriously.6300:02:58,740 --> 00:03:02,440他说的很多话本是故意为了幽默一下的A lot of what he says is intended as humor.6400:03:02,510 --> 00:03:04,710是啊但我一点也不觉得有趣Yeah, well, I don't think it's very funny.6500:03:04,770 --> 00:03:08,370我也是但是我一笑他就灿烂了Me neither, but he just lights up when I laugh.6600:03:10,570 --> 00:03:13,310霍华德不能让她跑了Howard, never let her go.6700:03:15,340 --> 00:03:17,170莱纳德霍华德说你正在进行So, Leonard, Howard says y ou're working on6800:03:17,240 --> 00:03:18,870一些量子力学的基本测试fundamental tests of quantum mechanics.6900:03:18,940 --> 00:03:19,910没错I am.7000:03:19,970 --> 00:03:21,440你对物理感兴趣吗Are you interested in physics?7100:03:21,510 --> 00:03:22,810我觉得很很吸引人Oh, I find it fascinating.7200:03:22,870 --> 00:03:25,040如果我没有选择微生物学的话If I hadn't gone into microbiology,7300:03:25,040 --> 00:03:26,970我也许就会进军物理了I probably would have gone into physics.7400:03:27,040 --> 00:03:29,910或者冰舞Or ice dancing.7500:03:29,970 --> 00:03:32,070事实上我对于阿哈伦诺夫-博姆的Actually, my tests of the Aharonov-Bohm7600:03:32,140 --> 00:03:34,570量子干涉效应实验已经到达了一个很有趣的阶段quantum interference effect have reached an interesting point.7700:03:34,640 --> 00:03:36,070现在我们正在测试基于电势的Right now, we're testing the phase shift7800:03:36,140 --> 00:03:37,470相位偏移due to an electric potential.7900:03:37,540 --> 00:03:38,610真是太棒了That's amazing.8000:03:38,670 --> 00:03:41,710那是莱纳德的工作几乎就跟Yes. Leonard's work is nearly as amazing8100:03:41,770 --> 00:03:44,940三年级小学生用湿毛巾种青豆一样棒as third graders growing lima beans in wet paper towels.8200:03:46,940 --> 00:03:49,370虽然我很欣赏你的 "喔又损人了"While I appreciate the "Oh, snap,"8300:03:49,440 --> 00:03:52,110但你那温湿的口气飘进我的耳中令我很不舒服I'm uncomfortable having your moist breath in my ear.8400:03:55,310 --> 00:03:57,240你会用Are you going to try8500:03:57,310 --> 00:03:59,510穿隧结合来设定电压吗to set up the voltages using tunnel junctions?8600:04:00,510 --> 00:04:01,610是的Yes, I am.8700:04:01,670 --> 00:04:03,640你要看我笔记本上的模拟情况吗You want to see a simulation on my laptop?8800:04:03,710 --> 00:04:05,170好啊给我看看Oh, yeah, show me.00:04:05,240 --> 00:04:07,540在微生物学中我做过的最激动人心的事情In microbiology, the most exciting thing9000:04:07,610 --> 00:04:09,770也就是跟酵母玩玩I get to work with is yeast.9100:04:09,840 --> 00:04:11,610霍华德Howard?9200:04:11,670 --> 00:04:12,640怎么了Yeah?9300:04:12,710 --> 00:04:15,340你的鞋子真漂亮Your shoes are delightful.9400:04:16,740 --> 00:04:20,070你在哪儿买的Wher e did you get them?9500:04:20,140 --> 00:04:20,970什么What?9600:04:21,040 --> 00:04:23,310逗你玩儿我才不关心呢Bazinga. I don't care.9700:04:31,340 --> 00:04:32,810哈吃灰吧你Ha! Eat my dust,9800:04:32,870 --> 00:04:34,870万年不变的古板水管工racially ster eotypical plumber.9900:04:37,570 --> 00:04:39,540这不公平That's not fair.10000:04:39,610 --> 00:04:41,270我被一棵树卡住了I got stuck behind a tree.10100:04:41,340 --> 00:04:43,170外加一只母牛和企鹅And a cow and a penguin.10200:04:43,240 --> 00:04:45,110认了吧兄弟Face it, dude,10300:04:45,170 --> 00:04:47,610不管是现实的车还是虚拟的卡通车whether it's a real car or a virtual cartoon car,10400:04:47,670 --> 00:04:49,910你都不能驾驭you can't drive.10500:04:49,970 --> 00:04:51,670只需要点练习而已Just need a little more practice.10600:04:51,740 --> 00:04:55,140你需要的是金手指驾驶技巧和一盏神灯What you need is cheat codes, motor skills and a magic genie10700:04:55,210 --> 00:04:58,640来帮马里奥赛车小废柴实现愿望who grants wishes to little boys who suck at Mario Kart.10800:05:00,740 --> 00:05:03,710谢尔顿我能跟你说两句话吗Hey, Sheldon, can I talk to you for a second?10900:05:03,770 --> 00:05:06,340这跟鞋没关系对吧It's not about shoes, is it?11000:05:06,410 --> 00:05:08,510我不想再聊鞋子了I don't think I could go through that again.11100:05:08,570 --> 00:05:10,010跟鞋子无关It's not about shoes.11200:05:10,070 --> 00:05:11,270那就说吧Then speak.11300:05:11,340 --> 00:05:14,010我们能私下谈吗Um, actually, can we do it in private?11400:05:14,070 --> 00:05:14,840好吧All right.11500:05:14,910 --> 00:05:17,370走开Go away.11600:05:19,070 --> 00:05:22,810我知道很无礼但她要私下谈I agree, it's rude, but she asked for privacy.11700:05:22,870 --> 00:05:23,940谢谢拉杰Thanks, Raj.11800:05:24,010 --> 00:05:26,740事情是这样的Okay, so here's the thing:11900:05:26,810 --> 00:05:30,370我想请你教我一点物理学I was wondering if you could maybe teach me a little physics?12000:05:30,440 --> 00:05:33,110一点物理学A little physics?12100:05:34,440 --> 00:05:35,510没有这个说法There's no such thing.12200:05:35,570 --> 00:05:37,510物理学包含整个宇宙Physics encompasses the entire universe,12300:05:37,570 --> 00:05:40,110从量子粒子到超新星from quantum particles to supernovas,12400:05:40,170 --> 00:05:43,370从自旋电子到旋转星系from spinning electrons to spinning galaxies.12500:05:43,440 --> 00:05:44,370行Yeah, okay, cool.12600:05:44,440 --> 00:05:45,610不用说得像广播特别报导一样I don't need the PBS special.12700:05:45,670 --> 00:05:47,040只要了解到I just want to know enough12800:05:47,110 --> 00:05:49,140能和莱纳德谈他的工作就行so I can talk to Leonard about his job.12900:05:49,210 --> 00:05:50,570就像伯纳黛特那样You know, like Bernadette does.13000:05:50,640 --> 00:05:52,170干嘛不叫莱纳德教你Why can't Leonard teach you?13100:05:52,240 --> 00:05:53,710我想给他个惊喜'Cause I want to surprise him.13200:05:53,770 --> 00:05:55,810就不能以其他方式给他惊喜吗Can't you surprise him in some other way?13300:05:55,870 --> 00:05:57,810比如你要是打扫一下房间For example, I'm sure he'd be delightfully taken aback13400:05:57,870 --> 00:06:00,040我肯定他又惊又喜if you cleaned your apartment.13500:06:00,110 --> 00:06:02,710拜托谢尔顿这对我很重要Come on, Sheldon, this is important to me.13600:06:02,770 --> 00:06:03,840佩妮Penny,13700:06:03,910 --> 00:06:05,240教你可是艰巨的任务this would be a massive undertaking,13800:06:05,310 --> 00:06:08,070我的时间既有限又宝贵呢and my time is both limited and valuable.13900:06:08,140 --> 00:06:10,610你整天都坐着玩电子游戏呢You're sitting here playing video games all day.14000:06:11,640 --> 00:06:13,170被你说中了Okay, point.14100:06:14,470 --> 00:06:16,510你学了哪些基础知识What sort of foundation do you have?14200:06:16,570 --> 00:06:18,940学校教过什么科学课吗Did you take any science classes in school?14300:06:19,010 --> 00:06:21,110有我做过青蛙的实验Sure. I did the one with the frogs.14400:06:24,140 --> 00:06:26,940青蛙的实验The one with the frogs.14500:06:27,010 --> 00:06:28,340对其实挺好玩的Yeah, actually, it was pretty cool.14600:06:28,410 --> 00:06:31,440很多女生都吐了但我把小青蛙像鹿一样宰了A lot of the girls threw up, but I gutted that thing like a deer.14700:06:31,510 --> 00:06:33,040抱歉佩妮I'm sorry, Penny.14800:06:33,110 --> 00:06:34,410恕我无能为力I don't think so.14900:06:34,470 --> 00:06:35,570别这样嘛Oh, come on!15000:06:35,640 --> 00:06:37,370你这么聪明就当挑战一下A smart guy like you, it'll be a challenge.15100:06:37,440 --> 00:06:38,870当成实验来做嘛You can make it like an experiment.15200:06:40,940 --> 00:06:43,270有意思Interesting.15300:06:43,340 --> 00:06:45,610既然别人能教I suppose if someone could teach sign language15400:06:45,670 --> 00:06:48,540KoKo大猩猩学手语to KoKo the gorilla...15500:06:48,610 --> 00:06:50,970我也能教你基本物理学I could teach you some rudimentary physics.15600:06:51,040 --> 00:06:51,970太好了Great!15700:06:52,040 --> 00:06:54,210虽然有点侮辱人但很好It's a little insulting, but great.15800:06:54,270 --> 00:06:55,210我就做KoKo吧I'll be KoKo.15900:06:55,270 --> 00:06:56,410不见得吧Not likely.16000:06:56,470 --> 00:06:58,340KoKo学会了超过两千个单词KoKo learned to understand over 2,000 words,16100:06:58,410 --> 00:07:02,040没有一个跟鞋子有关呢not one of which had anything to do with shoes.16200:07:03,410 --> 00:07:04,610伙计们好Hey, fellas.16300:07:04,670 --> 00:07:06,740这是在下的女友伯纳黛特This is my girlfriend Bernadette.16400:07:06,810 --> 00:07:09,470在下的女友伯纳黛特My girlfriend Bernadette.16500:07:09,540 --> 00:07:10,940他们都是谁Who are all those people?16600:07:11,010 --> 00:07:12,110不知道Have no idea.16700:07:12,170 --> 00:07:14,140好啊莱纳德Hey, Leonard.16800:07:14,210 --> 00:07:15,570好瞧瞧Hi. Hey, look,16900:07:15,640 --> 00:07:18,240这不是霍华德的女友伯纳黛特嘛it's Howard and his girlfriend Bernadette.17000:07:18,310 --> 00:07:21,740带这位小美人逛逛这老盐矿Thought I'd give the little woman a tour of the old salt mines.17100:07:21,810 --> 00:07:24,310他说的不是盐矿He doesn't mean salt mines.17200:07:24,370 --> 00:07:26,970他说的是工作地点He means where he works.17300:07:27,040 --> 00:07:29,470对我知道Yeah, no, I got it.17400:07:31,070 --> 00:07:33,240你的实验进展如何So, how's your experiment going?17500:07:33,310 --> 00:07:34,570很顺利Ah, terrific.17600:07:34,640 --> 00:07:35,970我们正在准备电子加速器W e're getting the electron accelerator set up.17700:07:36,040 --> 00:07:37,910后天就能准备好We should be ready to go day after tomorrow.17800:07:37,970 --> 00:07:39,870真想见识一下Boy, I'd love to see that.17900:07:39,940 --> 00:07:41,010欢迎你来You're welcome to come.18000:07:41,070 --> 00:07:43,170真的吗太好了Really? Oh, that'd be great.18100:07:43,240 --> 00:07:44,970多兴奋啊How exciting is that?18200:07:45,040 --> 00:07:47,870简直就像七月过光明节一样Like Hanukkah in July.18300:07:47,940 --> 00:07:49,940七月有光明节吗Do they have that?18400:07:50,970 --> 00:07:53,440没有No.18500:07:54,810 --> 00:07:56,370又被你糊弄了You got me again.18600:07:58,410 --> 00:08:00,810这不是脱脂酸奶This isn't non-fat yogurt.18700:08:00,870 --> 00:08:02,510简直全是脂肪This is fatty fat fat.18800:08:02,570 --> 00:08:04,840失陪一下Excuse me.18900:08:04,910 --> 00:08:06,170心肝儿能帮我拿张餐巾吗Could you grab me another napkin, sweetie?19000:08:06,240 --> 00:08:07,170-当然可以 -谢谢宝贝- Sure. - Thanks, honey.19100:08:09,240 --> 00:08:11,570说你打什么如意算盘All right, what is your deal?19200:08:11,640 --> 00:08:12,940你说什么Excuse me?19300:08:13,010 --> 00:08:14,210邀请我女朋友Inviting my girlfriend19400:08:14,270 --> 00:08:16,670去看你的电子加速器to come see your electron accelerator?19500:08:16,740 --> 00:08:18,340怎么了Yeah? So?19600:08:20,010 --> 00:08:23,140你真有两下子You really are a piece of work.19700:08:23,210 --> 00:08:24,270舞会皇后It's not enough19800:08:24,340 --> 00:08:26,140被你弄到手还不满意you get the prom queen, you have to get19900:08:26,210 --> 00:08:28,310你还想抢走陪衬头牌呢the head of the decorating committee, too?20000:08:28,370 --> 00:08:30,410你在说什么呢What are you talking about?20100:08:30,470 --> 00:08:32,170别跟我装无辜Don't play innocent with me.20200:08:32,240 --> 00:08:33,640用神奇实验设备勾引女人I practically invented20300:08:33,710 --> 00:08:37,140这招是我发明的using fancy lab equipment to seduce women.20400:08:37,210 --> 00:08:38,910成功过吗Has it ever worked?20500:08:38,970 --> 00:08:41,270目前没有重点不是这个Not so far, but that's not the point!20600:08:41,340 --> 00:08:42,470霍华德别紧张Howard, relax.20700:08:42,540 --> 00:08:45,210我对你女朋友没兴趣I'm not interested in your girlfriend.20800:08:45,270 --> 00:08:46,470最好如此I hope not.20900:08:46,540 --> 00:08:49,540你不会想跟我瞎搅和Because you don't want to mess with me.21000:08:54,470 --> 00:08:57,670我可是疯子I'm crazy.21100:08:57,740 --> 00:09:00,770我相信你I believe you.21200:09:02,140 --> 00:09:04,510实验日志第一篇Research journal, entry one.21300:09:04,570 --> 00:09:06,110我准备开展I'm about to embark on one of21400:09:06,170 --> 00:09:10,440科学生涯中的巨大挑战之一the great challenges of my scientific career:21500:09:10,510 --> 00:09:14,140教佩妮物理学teaching Penny physics.21600:09:14,210 --> 00:09:16,540我称之为大猩猩工程I'm calling it Project Gorilla.21700:09:18,540 --> 00:09:20,440好啊谢尔顿Hey, Sheldon.21800:09:20,510 --> 00:09:22,110请进坐吧Come in. Take a seat.21900:09:23,140 --> 00:09:25,540实验目标已到Subject has arrived.22000:09:25,610 --> 00:09:28,870我亲切地欢迎她I've extended a friendly casual greeting.22100:09:28,940 --> 00:09:30,470准备好开始了吗Ready to get started?22200:09:30,540 --> 00:09:31,740稍等One moment.22300:09:36,240 --> 00:09:40,410目标气色很好也很热情Subject appears well-rested and enthusiastic.22400:09:40,470 --> 00:09:42,470显然无知是福Apparently, ignorance is bliss.22500:09:45,040 --> 00:09:48,370好吧我们开始All right, let us begin.22600:09:48,440 --> 00:09:50,040你的笔记本呢Where's your notebook?22700:09:50,110 --> 00:09:52,110我没笔记本Um, I don't have one.22800:09:52,170 --> 00:09:54,610那你咋记笔记How are you going to take notes without a notebook?22900:09:54,670 --> 00:09:56,510还得记笔记吗I have to take notes?23000:09:56,570 --> 00:09:58,810不然你怎么考试How else are you gonna study for the tests?23100:09:58,870 --> 00:10:00,170最好还要考试吗There's gonna be a test?23200:10:00,240 --> 00:10:02,670可不止一次考试Test-sss.23300:10:04,640 --> 00:10:06,140给Here.23400:10:06,210 --> 00:10:07,270这是大学规定It's college-ruled.23500:10:07,340 --> 00:10:09,010希望没吓着你I hope that's not too intimidating.23600:10:12,040 --> 00:10:13,070多谢你的体贴Thank you.23700:10:13,140 --> 00:10:14,070不客气You're welcome.23800:10:14,140 --> 00:10:15,970现在开始讲物理学入门Now, Introduction to Physics.23900:10:16,040 --> 00:10:18,840什么是物理What is physics?24000:10:18,910 --> 00:10:22,840物理这个词来源于古希腊语中的"physika"Physics comes from the ancient Greek word "physika."24100:10:24,970 --> 00:10:27,240你该记笔记了It's at this point that you'll want to start taking notes.24200:10:29,510 --> 00:10:32,570"Physika"是指自然科学"Physika" means the science of natural things.24300:10:32,640 --> 00:10:36,710而就在那遥远的古希腊我们的旅程开始了And it is there, in ancient Greece, that our story begins.24400:10:36,770 --> 00:10:38,340-靠古希腊 -嘘- Ancient Greece?! - Hush.24500:10:38,410 --> 00:10:40,410有问题先举手If you have questions, raise your hand.24600:10:41,740 --> 00:10:45,170那是在大约公元前600年的一个仲夏夜It's a warm summer evening, circa 600 BC.24700:10:45,240 --> 00:10:49,240当你从集市[古希腊圣贤集会所]购物归来You've finished your shopping at the local market, or Agora...24800:10:52,910 --> 00:10:55,110抬头仰望夜空...And you look up at the night sky.24900:10:55,170 --> 00:10:58,810突然你发现星星在游弋There you notice some of the stars seem to move,25000:10:58,870 --> 00:11:03,440于是你将他们命名为"行星"或"漫游者"So you name them "planetes," or "wanderer".25100:11:09,710 --> 00:11:10,640佩妮同学有问题吗Yes, Penny?25200:11:10,710 --> 00:11:13,870这和莱纳德的研究有什么关系Um, does this have anything to do with Leonard's work?25300:11:13,940 --> 00:11:17,310这是一个历时2600年的旅程This is the beginning of a 2,600-year journey25400:11:17,370 --> 00:11:21,890我们慢慢讲不急追溯到古希腊We're going to take together from the ancient Greeks25500:11:21,890 --> 00:11:24,110从艾萨克·牛顿到尼尔斯·玻尔[原子理论和量子力学的创始人] Through Isaac Newton to Niels Bohr25600:11:24,170 --> 00:11:25,810再到埃尔文·薛定谔[创立波动力学]To Erwin Schrodinger25700:11:25,870 --> 00:11:27,410再到荷兰研究学派To the Dutch researchers25800:11:27,470 --> 00:11:29,470莱纳德近来就在重复他们的研究呢That Leonard is currently ripping off.25900:11:29,540 --> 00:11:33,070居然有2600年2,600 years?26000:11:33,140 --> 00:11:34,270没错可能有些许误差Yeah, give or take.26100:11:34,340 --> 00:11:36,670正如我之前所说在那遥远的古希腊As I was saying, it's a warm summer evening26200:11:36,740 --> 00:11:38,210一个氤氲的仲夏夜In ancient Greece...26300:11:38,270 --> 00:11:40,070怎么了佩妮同学Yes, Penny?26400:11:40,140 --> 00:11:41,910我要去洗手间I have to go to the bathroom.26500:11:41,970 --> 00:11:43,170 你就不能憋一下吗Can't you hold it?26600:11:43,240 --> 00:11:45,840 我可憋不了2600年Not for 2,600 years.26700:11:55,110 --> 00:11:57,840 大猩猩实验日志2Project Gorilla, entry two.26800:11:57,910 --> 00:12:00,110 我被榨干了I am exhausted.26900:12:16,870 --> 00:12:17,970 -霍华德 -怎么- Howard? - Huh?27000:12:18,040 --> 00:12:20,710 这个要从前面解开的It unhooks in the front.27100:12:20,710 --> 00:12:23,240 难怪啊Oh, that explains a lot.27200:12:27,110 --> 00:12:30,870 霍华德我回来了Howard, I'm home!27300:12:30,870 --> 00:12:33,040 整栋楼都听到了Of course.27400:12:33,110 --> 00:12:35,840老年健身取消了Senior fitness was cancelled.27500:12:35,910 --> 00:12:38,940我发现原来还真会忘了怎么骑车It turns out you can fo rget how to ride a bike.27600:12:39,010 --> 00:12:44,740我是没啥但山姆·哈普蒂安摔了个嘴啃泥I'm fine, but, oy, did Sam Harpootian eat gravel.27700:12:44,810 --> 00:12:47,110太棒了娘That's great, Ma!27800:12:47,170 --> 00:12:49,87080多的亚美尼亚老人摔断了半边下巴What's great about an 80-year-old Armenian man27900:12:49,940 --> 00:12:52,610有什么可棒的With half his chin scraped off?!28000:12:52,670 --> 00:12:54,170我想我得走了I guess I should go.28100:12:54,240 --> 00:12:55,540不别动No, no, don't move.28200:12:55,610 --> 00:12:58,640娘晚饭我想吃炖羊肉Hey, Ma, can I have lamb stew for dinner?28300:12:58,710 --> 00:13:02,110炖羊肉那我还得去超市买Lamb stew? I'd have to go to the supermarket.28400:13:02,170 --> 00:13:03,370帮帮忙啦Please?28500:13:03,440 --> 00:13:05,410我真的很想吃嘛I got a real hankering.28600:13:07,740 --> 00:13:12,470噢我最疼我家小屁脸宝贝了Oh, I can't say no to my little tushy face.28700:13:12,570 --> 00:13:14,610我很快回来I'll be back soon.28800:13:14,670 --> 00:13:15,870多谢啦娘Thanks, Ma.28900:13:18,810 --> 00:13:21,940你要家常豌豆还是拉素豌豆[豌豆的一种]Do you want the regular peas or the Le Seur?29000:13:22,010 --> 00:13:25,270平时不都是加拉素豌豆的吗Always Le Seur peas with lamb stew!29100:13:25,340 --> 00:13:28,240好吧你总是说得有理You're right! When you're right, you're right!29200:13:30,640 --> 00:13:32,470如果拉素豌豆卖完了咋办What if they're out of the Le Seur?29300:13:32,540 --> 00:13:34,540那就买家常的啊Then get the regular!29400:13:34,610 --> 00:13:37,910好吧你别冲我吼啊All right! You don't have to yell!29500:13:39,370 --> 00:13:41,640抱歉Sorry about that.29600:13:43,240 --> 00:13:45,840我来调成震动Let me just put that on vibrate.29700:13:45,910 --> 00:13:47,340我早就调好啦I'm already on vibrate.29800:13:49,440 --> 00:13:51,140这个我可听懂了You know, that one I got.29900:13:52,810 --> 00:13:55,140霍华德你和莱纳德说起我什么了吗Howard, did you say something to Leonard about me? 30000:13:55,210 --> 00:13:56,540什么意思Uh, what do you mean?30100:13:56,610 --> 00:13:58,670他说我要是明天去看他的实验He says if I go see his experiment tomorrow30200:13:58,740 --> 00:14:00,470可能你会感觉不好It might weird you out.30300:14:00,540 --> 00:14:02,210是吗他这样说吗Really? He said that?30400:14:02,270 --> 00:14:04,210你不是在吃莱纳德的醋吧You're not jealous of Leonard, are you?30500:14:04,270 --> 00:14:06,340我才没有呢Me? No.30600:14:06,410 --> 00:14:09,770我只是说在没和别人商量的情况下I may have mentioned that it's a little inappropriate30700:14:09,840 --> 00:14:12,570邀请别人的女友去看他的实验To be asking another man's girlfriend to his experiment30800:14:12,640 --> 00:14:15,240这样有点不太合适Without first discussing it with said man.。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E06 – The Cornhusker VortexScene: The stairwell. The guys are carrying kites.Leonard: Kites, ho!Howard: Kites ho!Raj: Kites ho!All three: Kites, ho!Sheldon: Excuse me. You’re misusing the word ho. It’s an interjection used to call attention to a destination, not an object, as in, uh, Land, ho! Or, uh, Westward, ho!The three guys: Kites, ho!Penny: Hey, guys. What you doing? Going out to discover electricity?Sheldon:If you’re referring to the work of Benjamin Franklin, he did not discover electricity, he merely used a kite to determine that lightning consists of electricity. He also invented the Franklin stove, bifocals and the flexible urinary catheter. Kites, ho.Leonard: We’re heading out for some kite fighting. Penny: Kite fighting?Leonard:Oh, yeah. It’s an extremely competitive, cutthroat sport.Sheldon: Well, actually, the risk of throat cutting is very low. On the other hand, severe string burn is a real and ever-Present danger.Leonard: You want to come watch?Penny: Oh, gee, sounds amazing, but, um, I’ve got some friends coming over. Not a big thing, we’re just gonna watch the Nebraska game.Leonard: Oh. Football, sure.Howard: Good guess.Penny:I would’ve invited you, but I know you’re not a football fan.Leonard: No, no, I’m not, so, great. You’ve got plans doing something you like, I’ve got plans doing something I like, so it’s good.Penny:Well, maybe we’ll hang out later, you know, after everybody’s gone.Leonard: Yeah, great.Penny: See ya.Leonard: Well, this sucks.Sheldon:I’m sorry, I got bored and drifted off. Where exactly in the interaction did the sucking lie? Raj:Leonard just realized that Penny’s been hiding him from her friends because he’s a tiny, little man who flies kites.Sheldon: Oh, that certainly would suck.Credits sequence.Scene: The park.Sheldon: Wolowitz is trying to outflank us. Let out some string, add altitude and I’ll go under and cut his line.Leonard: Why wouldn’t Penny want her friends to meet me?Sheldon: Focus, Leonard, focus! The heat of battle is upon us, the dogs of war are unleashed. Leonard: Maybe Koothrappali’s right, maybe I embarrass her.Sheldon: You’re embarrassing me right now, a grown man worrying about such nonsense when in the middle of flying kites.Leonard: Sorry.Sheldon: Sorry won’t bring their kites down. Ow! String burn! String burn!Raj: Oh, they think we’re flanking, they’re playing right into our hands. On the count of three, we execute the flying scissor. One, two…Howard: Whoa! Did you see that?Raj: See what?Howard: That chick, she smiled at me.Raj: No, she didn’t.Howard: Yes, she did.Raj: Come on, scissors, scissors!Howard: Hold my line.Raj:Wait, what are you doing? I can’t scissors by myself! Howard! Come back!Sheldon: Victory!Raj: Son of a bitch.Scene: Leonard’s car.Raj: You’re a sucky friend, you know that? A sucky, sucky friend.Howard: What was I supposed to do? She gave me that come-hither look.Raj: If she gave you any look at l. It was a you suck look.Howard: I would’ve caught up to her if I hadn’t pulled a hammy.Raj:Oh, please, you weigh 80 pounds. You don’t have a hammy.Leonard: So, Penny doesn’t want me around her friends, I embarrass her. What else could it be? Sheldon: Well, her actions could be out of concern for your f eelings. Perhaps she’s excluded you from these gatherings because she’s scouting for a new mate and doesn’t want to do it in front of you. Leonard: Oh, how kind of her.Sheldon:Agreed. Most primates don’t show that sort of discretion. A female bonobo will copulate with a new male in front of the old one without so much as a how do you do?Raj: You always do this, you know? You ditch me for a woman you don’t have a shot with. Howard: I totally had a shot.Raj: With a woman you were chasing through a park? T hat’s not a shot, that’s a felony. What’s worse, it cost me my prized Patang fighting kite. Sheldon, I don’t suppose there’s any chance you could give me my kite back?Sheldon:I’m sorry, Raj, but the rules of aerial warfare dictate at the fallen kite go to the victor. And without rules, the competition has no meaning. And without meaning, the following would be an empty gesture. (Sings) I have your kite. I have your kite.Scene: Penny’s apartment.Leonard: Hey.Penny: Hi.Leonard: How was your football party?Penny: I t was pretty good. We won.Leonard:Oh, that’s excellent. It’s a weird figure of speech, isn’t it, we won when you weren’tactually playing. When we watch Star Wars, we don’t say, we defeated the Empire.Penny:I’m glad to hear it.Leonard: Oh, hey, on a related subject, are you embarrassed to have me around your friends? Penny: Oh, my god, no. Why would you ask that? Leonard:Well, you know, I just noticed I haven’t really met any of them.Penny: Sure you have.Leonard:Well, yeah, no, I met the huge ex-boyfriend and the smaller yet still larger than me ex-boyfriend. Were they here today?Penny: Of course not.Leonard: Of course not. Why would they be? Why would I ask? Why am I rambling? Why don’t you stop me?Penny:Leonard, look, if you want to meet my friends, that would be great. I just, you know, I didn’t want you to be bored.Leonard: I wouldn’t be bored. Why would I be bored?Penny: Well, ’cause they’re not genius scientists. Leonard: Penny, I like all sorts of people. In fact, some of my best friends aren’t geniuses.Penny: Like who?Leonard: Okay, some of my Facebook friends aren’t geniuses. My point is, if we’re going to be a couple, I should be friends with your friends. Penny: Okay, great. Well, then why don’t you come over next Saturday and watch the game with us. Leonard: Another football game?Penny: They have them every week.Leonard: Did not know that.Penny: You wanted to meet my friends. Leonard: Sure, sure, just I don’t know much about football.Penny: Oh, that’s okay, a lot of the guys’ girlfriends don’t know football. They just kind of drink and talk in the kitchen.Leonard: Great.Scene: The apartment. Leonard and Raj are watching a football game on the television. Leonard: Okay, a complete pass. First down, New England. I think I’m starting to get this.Raj: Really? The only thing I’ve learned in the last two hours is that American men love drinking beer, pee too often and have trouble getting erections. Leonard: Focus on the game, not the commercials, Raj.Raj: I’m just sa ying, maybe if you people cut back on the beer, you could get out of the bathroom and satisfy your women without pharmaceutical help. Howard (arriving): Raj, what are you doing here? You were supposed to help me pimp out my Vespa. Raj:I’m sorry, are you u nder the impression that we’re still friends?Howard: Oh come on, you’re not still grinding on the kite thing, are you?Raj:It’s not just the kite thing. Every time we go some place, you think you can just dump me whenever someone prettier comes along, even though you don’t have a shot with them.Howard: But I had a shot with that jogger.Raj: Fine. Paint green flames on your little scooter with her. (Leaves)Howard: It’s not a little scooter. It’s the second biggest Vespa they make! Are you watching football?Leonard:There’s no fooling you. Now, what is this sacks statistic they put up there?Howard: All I know about Saks is, my mother shops there.Leonard: Sacks, sacks…Sheldon:It’s football nomenclature for when a quarterback is tackled behind the line of scrimmage.Leonard:Huh… Scrimmage…Sheldon:The line of scrimmage is the imaginary transverse line separating the offence from the defence.Leonard: Oh.Howard: Sheldon knows football?Leonard: Apparently.Howard: I mean, Quidditch, sure. But football? Leonard: Sheldon, how do you know this stuff? Sheldon: I grew up in Texas. Football is ubiquitous in Texas. Pro football, college football, high school football, peewee football, in fact, every form of football except the original, European football, which most Texans believe to be a Commie plot. Leonard: Unbelievable.Sheldon:If you’re interested, I also know all about frying meat that isn’t chicken as if it were chicken. Leonard: So you could teach me?Sheldon: Football or chicken-fried meats? Leonard: Football. I’m going to Penny’s on Saturday to watch a game with her friends and I don’t want to look like an idiot. I want to blend in. Sheldon: I f you want to blend in with Penny’s friends, I’d think looking like an idiot would be the perfect camouflage.Leonard: Come on, Sheldon, please teach me about football. It’ll be fun.Sheldon: That’s exactly what my father said. Come to the games, watch the games, week in and week out from the time I was five until I went off to college. Longest seven years of my life. Leonard: Please, I’m asking you as a friend. Sheldon: Are you making this a tier one friendship request? Leonard: Yes.Sheldon: Fine.Leonard: I really appreciate this.Sheldon: Yeah, yeah. All right, Poindexter, sit down, shut up and listen.Leonard:I’m sorry?Sheldon: That’s how my father always began our football conversations. And if you’d like, after the game, I’ll take you outside and teach you how to shoot close enough to a racoon that it craps itself.Scene: The kitchen. Sheldon is making toast in a cylon toaster which burns an image of a cylon onto the toast.Leonard: When are you going to stop making Cylon toast?Sheldon: When I have enough to destroy all the human toast on the battlestar known as Galactica. Is that what you’re wearing to watch football at Penny’s?Leonard: What’s wrong with a football jersey? Sheldon: Nothing. That, however, appears to be a football cocktail dress.Leonard:I’s the smallest size they had, except the one for dogs. I can’t believe they had one for dogs. Sheldon: Oh, yes. Canine football fans are a common sight in Texas. Cats, however, refuse to wear sporting apparel. My sister found that out the hard way.Leonard: Anyway, wish me luck.Sheldon: Leonard, wait. Am I correct in assuming that your attempt to be a ccepted by Penny’s peers is based on your desire to ensure your continuing mating privileges with her?Leonard:Well, I wouldn’t put it exactly that way. Sheldon: How would you put it?Leonard: Y eah, okay, like you said.Sheldon: Huh. Seems like an awful lot of trouble to go through for intercourse. Don’t you have access to women who will do it for money? By the way, another accepted usage for the term ho. Leonard: Good-Bye, Sheldon.Sheldon: Hold on I believe that social convention dictate you not arrive empty-Handed. Would you like to bring some Cylon toast?Leonard:Yeah, no, I’m trying to fit in, not get laughed at.Sheldon:What’s funny about Cylon toast?Scene: Raj’s apartment. Raj is watching a Bollywood movie. There is a knock on the door. Raj: It’s open.Howard: Hey, pal.Raj: What do you want?Howard: I brought you a little gift. New kite.Raj: The kite you made me lose was an authentic Patang, an Indian fighting kite that my brother sent to me from New Delhi. It took me a day to put together and two days to paint. This is Hello Kitty. Howard: Yeah, but it comes with a little coin purse. Does a Patang?Raj: Wow, you just don’t get it, do you? Buying me something pretty isn’t going to make our problem just go away.Howard: Look, I admit I haven’t alw ays been the best friend I could be.Raj: You’ve been a sucky friend, a sucky, sucky friend.Howard: Stipulated.Raj: And you do it all the time. Last week in the mall at Radio Shack, we were looking for a phone with giant numbers for your mother, and I suddenly realize you’re not even there.Howard: I know, I know.Raj: And where were you?Howard: Getting shot down by the girl at Hot Dog on a Stick. But in my defence, she was gorgeous, and working that squeezer to make the lemonade, going up and down and up and down. It was like a free pole dance right in the middle of the food court. Raj:You’re impossible.Howard: Hey, at least I can talk to women without being drunk.Raj: Excuse me, I have selective mutism, a recognized medical disorder. You’re just a do uche. Howard: No. You know what? Maybe that’s what this whole thing’s about. You’re not mad at me, you’re mad at yourself.Raj:No, I’m mad at you. I hate myself, but I’m mad at you.Howard: Fine. You’re mad at me. I get it. Now, how about we go spend the day together? Just the two of us. We’ll go anywhere you want.Raj: I don’t know.Howard: Come on. Let me take you someplace nice. Raj:I… I do enjoy the La Brea Tar Pits.Howard: Really, now? With the traffic and the parking, it’s… okay, fine. The Tar Pits. Let’s go. Raj: Oh, why can’t I stay mad at you?Scene: Penny’s apartment. Everyone is watching football.Leonard: Go! Go! Go! Go-Go-Go-Go! Yes! Are you people watching this? Is this amazing or what? Penny:Sweetie, that’s a highlight from the ’98 championship game.Leonard: Oh. Did not know that.Penny: How much beer have you had? Leonard: None, why?Penny: Oh. I was just kind of hoping you were drunk. Now we’re back live.Leonard: Okay, yeah. I can see the difference. Guy in baseball hat:Oh, where’s the flag, that’s intentional grounding.Second guy: Totally.Leonard: That completely was a forward pass, which they threw intentionally incomplete to avoid loss of yardage or to conserve time. I can’t believe they’re not being penalized with the loss of a d own and by having to move the line of scrimmage back to the spot of the foul.Penny: Here, have some pizza, sweetie. Leonard: Penny, you know I’m lactose intolerant. Penny: I know. I just need you stop talking. Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny.(Knock, knock, knock) Penny.Penny: Sheldon, come in.Sheldon: Thank you. I’d like to make a sandwich, but I’m out of bread.Penny: There’s some in the fridge.Sheldon:You shouldn’t keep your bread in the refrigerator. Staleness is caused by crystallization of the starch molecules, which occurs faster at cool temperatures.Penny: On Earth, we say thank you.Sheldon: So Leonard, how goes the mimesis? Leonard: Mimesis?Sheldon: You know. Mimesis. An action in which the mimic takes on the properties of a specific object or organism. Mimesis.Leonard: What the hell are you talking about? Sheldon: I’m attempting to communicate with youwithout my meaning becoming apparent to those around you. Let me try again. Have the indigenous fauna accepted you as one of their own? Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.Leonard: Oh, I guess so.Sheldon: Good. Oh, FYI. After I eat my sandwich, I’m taking Koothrappali’s Patang kite out for a test run. Would you like to get your delta-wing raptor and join me?Leonard: I don’t want to fly kites, Sheldon. We’re watching football here.Sheldon: I can see that. I was providing you with an alternative. A courtesy I was never offered in similar circumstances.Leonard:Oh, look at that. The Oklahoma coach has thrown down a red flag indicating he’s challenging the ruling on the field. I hope he’s right, ’cause if he’s not, it’ll cost him one of his three time-Outs.Penny: You know, Leonard, honey, I wouldn’t mind if you wanted to go fly kites with Sheldon. Leonard: No, I’ll watch the end of the game. Besides, there’s only three minutes left.Penny: Until half time.Leonard: This is just half? We’ve been here for hours.Penny: And you’re gonna be here for a couple more.Leonard:Oh, you’re kidding me.Penny: No.Leonard: Nice meeting all of you.Penny: So, yeah, anyway, that’s my boyfriend. He is really smart.Scene: The Le Brea Tar Pits.Raj: I really like my saber-toothed cat. Thank you. Howard: My pleasure. Maybe after lunch, we can go to Marie Callender’s and have some pie.Raj: I’d like that. This is turning out to be a perfect Saturday.Howard: Good. I’m glad. Oh, man. Did you see the way she smiled at me?Raj: Fine. Go ahead.Howard: No. This is our day.Raj: If you want to chase after her, chase after her. Howard: Ah, who am I kidding? I wouldn’t have a shot with a girl like that.Raj:Don’t put yourself down. You’re a very attractive man.Howard: You think so?Raj: Yeah. Absolutely. It wouldn’t kill you to take a Pilates class with me now and then, but you have a certain wiry appeal.Howard:Yeah, well, it doesn’t matter ‘cause she wasn’t really smiling at me.Raj: Actually, in this case, I think she was. Howard: Really?Raj: Yeah.Howard: Bye.Raj: What a douche.。

Big Bang Theory 学英语第一季10集-Leonard：The liquid metal Terminator were created in the future by Skynet, and Skynet was developed by Miles Dyson, but that future no longer exists due to Dyson's death in Terminator 2. liquid：液态metal：金属Terminator：终结者Skynet：天网no longer：不再exist：存在due to：由于液态金属终结者是在未来由天网系统创造的(见"终结者2")而天网系统是由Miles Dyson设计的，可是在"终结者2"中Dyson死了所以未来不存在了。

-Sheldon：Okay, then riddle me this:riddle：谜；解谜好的，这样跟你解释吧。

Assuming all the good Terminators were originally evil Terminators created by Skynet but then reprogrammed by the future John Connor.assuming：如果，假设originally：起初evil：邪恶的reprogram：改编假设所有好的终结者一开始都是坏的，他们都是由天网系统制造的但被未来的Jone Conner 重新编程。

Why would Skynet, an artificial computer intelligence, bother to create a petite, hot, 17-year-old killer robot?artificial intelligence：人工智能bother：麻烦petite：娇小的killer：杀手robot：机器人那为什么天网系统这个人工智能计算机要去创造一个娇小火辣的17岁的杀人机器人?-Leonard：Skynet is kinky? I don't know...kinky：古怪的天网系统有怪癖?我不知道...-Sheldon：Artificial intelligences do not have teen fetishes.teen：十几岁的人fetish：恋物人工智能计算机才没有恋童癖。

-Shel don: In the winter, that seat is cl ose enough to the radiator to remain warm,冬天的时候，这个地方离电暖器最近，很暖和，and yet not so cl ose as to cause perspiration;也不会很热到直流汗。

in the summer, it's directly in the path of a cross-breeze created by opening wind ows there, and there.夏天的时候，这里又刚好可以吹过堂风，是来自这扇窗户和那扇的。

It faces the television at an angle that is neither direct, thus discouraging conversation,而且坐这里看电视的角度，可以直接看，又不会影响谈话，nor so far wide as to create a parallax distortion.不会太远，不至于造成脖子过分扭曲。

I could go on, but I think I've mad e my point.我可以继续，我想我已经说明白了。

别老记着? 这能忘得掉吗?Forget? You want me to forget?我这脑子啥东西忘得掉啊!This mind does not forget.从我妈给我断奶后我就没忘掉过一件事I haven't forgotten a single thing since the day my mother stopped breastfeeding me.- 那天是周二下着毛毛雨- 好了...- It was a drizzly Tuesday. - Okay...你哭什么Why are you crying?我哭我自己蠢啊Because I'm stupid!那也没理由哭啊That's no reason to cry.人只有悲伤的时候才该哭One cries because one is sad.比如说其他人都太蠢我感到悲伤For example, I cry because others are stupid所以我才哭我和许多女生交往过Well,I've dated plenty of women.Joyce Kim还有Leslie Winkle...There was Joyce Kim... Leslie Winkle...通知牛津英语词典的编辑们Notify the editors of the Oxford English Dictionary."许多"现在被重新定义为"两个"The word "plenty" has been redefined to mean "two."Sheldon 你是个聪明人Sheldon,you are a smart guy.- 你得知道- 我是"聪明人"?- You must know... - I'm "smart"?要被归为"聪明人" 我得去掉60点智商才行I'd have to lose 60 IQ points to be classified as "smart."- Dr. Gablehauser. - Dr. Koothrappali.- Dr. Gablehauser. - Dr. Hofstader.- Dr. Gablehauser. - Dr. Cooper.- Dr. Gablehauser. - Mr.Wolowitz.我是硕士I have a Master's degree.谁不是?Who doesn't?多年来我们一直潜心试图探究他将如何繁衍后代Over the years,we've formulated many theories about how he might reproduce.我主张的是有丝分裂I'm an advocate of mitosis.什么?I'm sorry?我相信总有一天当Sheldon吃到一定量的泰国菜I believe one day Sheldon will eat an enormous amount of Thai food他就会分裂成两个Sheldonand split into two Sheldons.另一方面我在想Sheldon可能是他这个物种的幼虫状态On the other hand,I think Sheldon might be the larval form of his species,有一天他会做茧不出俩月就破茧成蝶and someday he'll spin a cocoon and emerge two months later with moth wings and an exoskeleton.Howard 电话在响!Howard,the phone is ringing!我有个疯狂的主意老妈接电话如何!Here's a crazy idea,Ma: Answer it!你好?Hello?好的稍等All right,hold on.是你朋友Leonard!It's your friend,Leonard!他想知道你为什么今天没去上学!He wants to know why you're not at school today!我不是去上学老妈我在大学就职I don't go to school,Ma. I work at a university.那就是学校! 快接电话!That's a school! Now pick up the phone!我谁都不想理I don't want to talk to anybody.要我叫Leonard把你的家庭作业带来吗?Should I ask Leonard to bring over your homework? !我没什么家庭作业的I don't have homework.我是个拥有工程学硕士的大爷们I'm a grown man with a master's degree in engineering!抱歉了不起先生Excuse me,Mr. Fancy-Pants.想吃冰棒吗?Want me to get you a Popsicle?樱桃味的好吧!Cherry,please!樱桃味的我吃了只剩蔬菜味的了I ate the cherry. All that's left is green.你让我真想自杀呀You make me want to kill myself.她是位女生，她也是位朋友，但她不是我的，请原谅我做这个动作，"女朋友" She's a girl. She's a friend.She is not my-please forgive me for doing this--"Girlfriend."哼我不喜欢虫子怎么啦Yeah,well,I don't like bugs,okay?它们让我害怕They freak me out.有趣Interesting你既怕虫子又怕女人You're afraid of insects and women.瓢虫[英文: 女士+虫]还不得把你吓昏了Ladybugs must render you catatonic.不然你怎么考试How else are you gonna study for the tests?最好还要考试吗There's gonna be a test?可不止一次考试Test-sss.Sheldon 我看到你在为SmithsonianSo,Sheldon,I see you're organizing your papers傻冒儿博物馆赶论文呢for the Smithsonian Museum of Dumbassery.在撤下Leslie Winkle的永久展览前那里没有多余的展厅There won't be any room until they get rid of the permanent Leslie Winkle exhibit.我和Sheldon谈过了他也不好受Um,I talked to Sheldon and he feels terrible and he agrees他也觉得自己无理取闹有些过分了that he was unreasonable and out of line.真的?很好呀Really? Well,that's great.就给他道个小歉嘛?Yeah,so just apologize to him,okay?那么你和她...So,you and her...- 没啦普通邻居而已- 真的?- No,just neighbors. - Really.隔壁住着这样的妞儿怎么都不行动啊I don't know how you live next door to that without doing something about it.其实... 科学才是我的女神Actually... science is my lady.那年是1995年The year was 1995.地点是密西西比州首府杰克逊The place: Jackson,Mississippi.我坐了整整十个小时的汽车Having spent ten hours on a bus,途中甚至两次违反了我自己定下的规定During which I had to twice violate my personal rule在行驶的车辆上上了厕所Against relieving myself on board a moving vehicle...等我终于到达I finally arrived第四届美国南部星舰迷年度大会现场At the fourth annual Dixie-Trek convention却发现我的偶像威尔·惠顿上别处玩去了Only to find that my idol Wil Wheaton decided he had决定不过来帮我的超级英雄玩具签名了Better things to do than to show up and sign my Action Figure.什么What?你背弃了我威尔·惠顿You betrayed me,Wil Wheaton.现在我的复仇来了Now I have my revenge.No,no,I understand.要是我奶奶有个三长两短Anything happened to my mee-maw,我肯定成了伤心欲绝的小甜派I'd be one inconsolable moon pie.我得澄清一下I should clarify that statement By explaining that she calls me "moon pie." 我这么说是因为她叫我"小甜派"By explaining that she calls me "moon pie."这跟我爸说的完全一样That's exactly what my father said."来看球赛吧去看球赛吧""Come to the games. Watch the games."周复一周的Week in and week out from the time从五岁直到我上大学I was five until I went off to college.人生当中最漫长的七年Longest seven years of my life.这里乱得简直毫无编制体系而言I see no organizational system in here whatsoever.你周一穿什么内裤Which panties do you wear on Mondays?我不要内裤I don't need panties.只要短裤和衬衫I just need shorts and a shirt.妈妈经常跟我说My mother always told me一个人要穿干净内裤one should wear clean underpants以防发生意外in case one is in an accident.星星好漂漂啊Stars are pretty,aren't they?在那高高的地方Up above the world so high.像天上的小钻石Like little diamonds in the sky.太优美了兄弟That's beautiful,dude.你应该把这句话写下来You should... you should write that down免得被人山寨了before someone steals it.How did you see it?你说了不看的You said you wouldn't look.不好意思Sorry.正如我所说是英雄就偷窥As I told you,the hero always peeks你好克瑞普克Hello, Kripke.你此刻遭遇的经典恶作剧This classic prank comes to you来自恶意复仇的谢尔顿·库珀from the malevolent mind of Sheldon Cooper.如果你想看看自己那张蠢蛋脸If you'd like to see the look on your stupid face,这段视频即刻就会上传到YouTubethis video is being instantly uploaded to YouTube.并感谢莱纳德·霍夫斯塔德和拉杰·库萨帕里Oh, and a hat tip to Leonard Hofstadter and Raj Koothrappali 感谢他们在复仇大业中对我的支持与鼓励for their support and encouragement in this enterprise.我计划逃回印度去你呢实验日志第一篇Research journal, entry one.我准备开展I'm about to embark on one of科学生涯中的巨大挑战之一the great challenges of my scientific career:教佩妮物理学teaching Penny physics.我称之为大猩猩工程Please,please,I don't have a lot of time.听着Ramona总算打瞌睡了你得帮我甩了她Look,Ramona finally dozed off,and I need you to help me get rid of her.甩了她? 怎么个甩法?Get rid of her how?我不知道但显然我正处于某种关系中I don't know,but apparently I'm in some kind of relationship,而你似乎是终结这类关系的老手and you seem to be an expert at ending them.你说什么?Excuse me?我看见男人们一个接一个从这儿离开倒是没见过再回来的I see man after man leaving this apartment never to return.Sheldon 你真的很宽宏大量谢谢你我很感激Sheldon,this was big of you. Thank you. I really appreciate it.谢谢Thank you.- 晚安Sheldon - Penny...- Good night,Sheldon. - Penny...- 啥? - 你有一手- Yes? - Well played.谢谢Thank you.但请记住能力越大责任越大(出自)Just rember: with great power comes great responsibility.明白Understood.不是厉害是错误我没有改我的状态呀It's not bold,it's a mistake. I didn't change my status.那是谁改的?Well,then who did?我没的选择他在她面前哭了I had no choice. He cried in front of her.我明白你这么做觉得自己很大方但赠送礼物的基础原则是礼尚往来I know you think you're being generous,but the foundation of gift-giving is reciprocity. 你不是给我一份礼物You haven't given me a gift.你给了我一份责任You've given me an obligation.别太郁闷Penny 一般新手都会犯这个错误Don't feel bad,Penny,it's a classic rookie mistake.我和Sheldon过的第一个光明节他吼了我八夜My first Hanukah with Sheldon,he yelled at me for eight nights.没事的你用不着回赠礼物的Now,hey,it's okay. You don't have to get me anything in return.我当然得回赠了Of course I do.风俗的精髓就在于我得去给你买份价值相当的礼物The essence of the custom is that I now have to go out and purchase for you a gift of commensurate value才能够代表你的礼物所表达的相同的情意and representing the same perceived level of friendship as that represented by the gift you've given me.怪不得每年这个时候自杀率狂飙呀It's no wonder suicide rates skyrocket this time of year.忘了这事吧我不会送你礼物了Okay,you know what? Forget it. I'm not giving you a present.不太迟了我看见了No,it's too late. I see it.那个精灵贴纸上写着"赠Sheldon"That elf sticker says,"To Sheldon."就是啊看别人热闹最乐呵I know. It's funny when it's not happening to us.Sheldon 我真的非常抱歉Sheldon,I am very,very sorry.不我自找的谁叫我出现在你生命里又那么可爱那么举足轻重呢No. No,I brought this on myself by being such an endearing and important part of your life.我需要有人载我去卖场I'm going to need a ride to the mall.风水轮流转我们该倒霉了It's happening to us.这在Penny压力很大的前提下才有用That presupposes Penny is tense.她了解你她会压力很大的咱不都是嘛快买礼品篮吧!She knows you. She's tense. We all are. Buy a basket!喔太好了Penny 你终于来交换礼物了Ah,good,Penny,you're here to exchange gifts.你一定很高兴因为我的回礼准备很周到哦You'll be pleased to know I'm prepared for whatever you have to offer.行~ 给你Okay,here.先说一句我的肠胃不太舒服I should note I'm having some digestive distress,所以要是我突然离开一阵你可别慌so,if I excuse myself abruptly,don't be alarmed.你知道这对我意味着什么吗?!Do you realize what this means?!只需要一个健康的卵细胞就可以培育属于我的Leonard Nimoy了! All I need is a healthy ovum and I can grow my own Leonard Nimoy!Sheldon 你这是干嘛?!Sheldon! What did you do?!我知道啊!I know!这点东西咋够呢It's not enough,is it?这样好了Here.Leonard 看啊Sheldon拥抱我了诶Leonard,look! Sheldon's hugging me.真是农神节的奇迹呀It's a Saturnalia miracle.什么?What?他说也许我们该拿你参加机器人杀手大赛He said maybe we should enter you in the killer robot competition.Sheldon 你干嘛呢?Sheldon,what are you doing?我和这小女孩交朋友呢你叫什么名字?I'm making friends with this little girl. What's your name?RebeccaRebecca.嗨Rebecca 我是你的新朋友SheldonHi,Rebecca. I'm your new friend,Sheldon.不别搞了走吧No,you're not. Let's go.- 我俩聊得正投机呢- 别抬头上面有摄像头维持五个朋友的友情太困难了所以...Maintaing five friendships promises to be a Herculean task,so...我要开除你们其中一个I'm going to have to let one of you go.我我选我吧Me,me,let it be me.我有罪啊我淘汰了Guilty as charged. I'm out.不你也安全No. You too are safe.哦不是吧我该怎么做呀?Oh,come on. What do I have to do?来拿点吧有钱了再还Here. Take some. Pay me back when you can.哇里面钱还不少啊Wow,you got a lot of money in there.所以才派蛇来看守嘛That's why it's guarded by snakes.- 拿点吧- 别犯傻了- Take some. - Don't be silly.我才不傻I'm never silly.我的花销占我税后工资的46.9%My expenses account for 46. 9% of my after-tax income.其他钱就分摊给小的储蓄帐户The rest is divvied up between a small savings account,也就是这个糊弄人的花生脆罐子this deceptive container of peanut brittle还有一个超级英雄手办被掏空的屁股and the hollowed-out buttocks of a superhero action figure为了他的安全起见将继续隐姓埋名who shall remain nameless for his own protection.或者说为了她的安全起见Or her own protection.我考虑了一下那个问题You know,I've given the matter some thought,我想我愿意做高智商外星人的宠物and I think I'd be willing to be a house pet to a race of super-intelligent aliens. 有意思Interesting.问问我为什么Ask me why.必须问啊?Do I have to?当然了这样才能继续对话啊Of course. That's how you move a conversation forward.为什么呢?Why?将会有很多学习的机会The learning opportunities would be abundant.还有呢我喜欢人家挠我肚肚Additionally,I like having my belly scratched.干得好啊LeonardWell done,Leonard.真正的英雄不求恭维The true hero doesn't seek adulation.出于本性为正义和公平而战He fights for right and justice simply because it's his nature. 我错了I was wrong.歌手会写歌来歌颂你啊Minstrels will write songs about you.* 曾有一位勇敢的青年他的名字叫做Leonard ** There once was a brave lad named Leonard ** 满嘴跑火车逞英雄** With a -fi fiddle dee-dee ** 他与可怕巨人对峙** He faced a fearsome giant ** 而Raj却只想嘘嘘** While Raj just wanted to pee.*见到你真好妈妈Good to see you,Mother.这是你要的茶妈妈Here's your tea,Mother.- 乌龙茶? - 嗯- Oolong? - Yes.- 散装的不是袋泡的? - 嗯- Loose,not bagged? - Yes.- 泡了三分钟? - 嗯- Steeped three minutes? - Yes.- 加了2%的牛奶- 嗯- Two-percent milk? - Yes.- 分开加热的? - 嗯- Warmed separately? - Yes.- 一茶勺糖? - 嗯- One teaspoon sugar? - Yes.- 原糖? - 嗯- Raw sugar? - Yes.凉了It's cold.我再来一回I'll start again.我们说到哪了?So,where were we?Howard和他妈妈一起住Raj只有喝醉了才和女人讲话Howard lives with his mother and Raj can't speak to women unless he's drunk.开讲吧Go.说啥?Say what?不就是我刚说的嘛That's basically what I just said.你带老公来上班你知道规矩的You brought your husband to work. You know the rules.那是我的座That is my spot.在这个不断变化的世界中那是唯一一个连续点In an ever-changing world,it is a single point of consistency.如果将我的人生比作四维笛卡尔坐标系里的一个函数If my life were expressed as a function on a four-dimensional Cartesian coordinate system, 在我第一次坐上那儿的时候那个座的坐标就是(0,0,0,0)that spot at the moment I first sat on it would be zero-zero-zero-zero.好吧All right.好了舒适惬意安逸0 0 0There,nice and comfy cozy. Zero,zero,zero.少了个0There's one more zero.你把时间参数忘了You forgot the time parameter.坐你的沙发吧Sit on the damn couch.宝贝你好...Hey,baby...他的右手给他打电话了?His right hand is calling him?不是啦是Leslie Winkle 说来话长No,it's Leslie Winkle. It's a long story.但...一切都变了But... Oh,this changes everything.什么是真的? 什么不是? 我怎么知道?What's real? What isn't? How can I know?那么你们干嘛还坐火车?Well,then why are you doing it?我们投票来着3票坐飞机Well,we had a vote. Three of us voted for airplane.Sheldon投坐火车所以我们坐火车Sheldon voted for train. So we're taking the trn.我是找到盒子了但没有钥匙Okay,I got a box,but there's no key in here.都是信Just letters.拿错盒子了放回去That's the wrg box. Put it back.哦Sheldon 都是你外婆寄的信?Oh,Sheldon,are these letters from your grandmother?表读那些信哦!Don't read those letters!呀瞧瞧她叫你"月亮派" 多可爱啊Oh,look,she calls you "Moon Pie." That is so cute.快把信放下!Put down the letters!- 我来了- 咋样月亮派?- I'm back. - What up,Moon Pie?除了外婆谁都不许叫我月亮派Nobody calls me Moon Pie but Meemaw!她叫我月亮派是因为我太口耐她想把我吃掉She calls me Moon Pie because I'm nummy-nummy and she could just eat me up.我是物理学家I'm a physicist.我对整个宇宙及其包含的事物都有所了解I have a working knowledge of the entire universe and everything it contains. Radiohead是干嘛的?Who's Radiohead?我对整个宇宙及其包含的重要事物都有所了解祝你好运了I have a working knowledge of the important things in the universe. Good luck.Penny 这是你的生意你有最终决定权Penny,this is your enterprise,so it's ultimately your decision,但鉴于Leonard的工作质量我强烈建议把他打发掉but based on the quality of his work,I'd strongly recommend that we let Leonard go.你想开了我?You want to fire me?我想怎样没关系是Penny的决定What I want is irrelevant. This is Penny's decision.早知道我要在周六晚上做这个我还不如待在印度You know,if I wanted to spend my Saturday nights doing this,I could have stayed in India.Penny 打工仔团体是需要好好教育的Penny,the labor force is a living organism that must be carefully nurtured.任何会产生不良后果的抱怨必须及时喝止看着Any counterproductive grumbling must be skillfully headed off by management. Observe. 少说话多干活Less talk,more work!- 做的好- 谢谢- Nicely done. - Thank you.你要看到什么交头接耳告诉我You hear any union talk,you let me know.要不要来点咖啡?Honey,do you want some coffee?我不喝咖啡I don't drink coffee.行了你要是睡过去了我们肯定完成不了Come on,but if you don't stay awake we'll never finish in time.对不起但是我绝不喝咖啡I'm sorry,coffee's out of the question.当我搬来加利福尼亚我答应妈妈不磕药的When I moved to California,I promised my mother that I wouldn't start doing drugs.Sheldon 我们还有380个要做呢Sheldon,we still have 380 of these things to make.晚安你们行的我对你们绝对有信心I have complete faith that you will make them. Good night.Leonard?Leonard?但是Shelon 没了你英明的领导我们的事业绝对是做不起来的But,Sheldon,without your insight and leadership this entire enterprise will surely fail.当然你说的对You're right,of course.来这个会有帮助Here,this will help.好吧但要这让我上瘾或产生幻觉Very well,but if this leads to opiates or hallucinogenics,你得去和我妈交待了you're going to have to answer to my mother.好吧我了解了你生气了Okay,I get it,you're angry.你不愿见到你的小鸟飞离巢穴You don't want to see your little bird leave the nest."小鸟"? 你都快30了!"Little bird"? You're almost 30!飞吧我的神呐!Fly,for God's sake!好我不搬! 开心了吧疯婆子?Fine,I'll stay! Ya happy,crazy lady?这么说吧我要怎么解释好呢?Oh,let's see. How can I explain this?他们不知道如何使用他们的盾Um,they don't know how to use their shields.盾?Shields?是的就像里的当你要战斗时你要举起你的盾Yeah,you know,like inStar Trek,when you're in battle and you raise the shields?这想法从哪儿冒出来的?Where the hell'd that come from?Penny 我发现你今晚也是一个人所以如果在某个时候Penny. I realize you're also on your own tonight,so if,at some point,你感觉到无聊了请千万不要来打扰我you find yourself with nothing to do,please do not disturb me.我几个礼拜前去你们那儿你们正巧不在我就忘在那儿了Well,I went in there a few weeks ago and you guys weren't home and I forgot it there. 你去了我的... 为什么... 你在说什么?You went in my... Why would... What are you saying?又没啥大不了的我不过是泡咖啡时没牛奶了It's not a big deal. I was making coffee and I ran out of milk.你是那个偷奶贼!You're the milk thief!Leonard说我多心了可我就是觉得盒子变轻了Leonard said I was crazy,but I knew that carton felt lighter Penny?干嘛What?我睡不着I can't sleep.也许是因为你的大窟窿还张着Maybe that's because your hole is still open.我想家I'm homesick.你家离这不过20尺Your home is 20 feet from here.20尺还是20光年这都不重要20 feet,20 light-years,it doesn't matter.在我这如同一个星系那么遥远It's in a galaxy far,far away.可恶Damn it.你想让我怎么办What do you want me to do?给我唱"软软凯蒂猫"Sing "Soft Kitty."那是只有你生病时才唱的歌That's only for when you're sick.思家也是一种病Homesick is a type of being sick.拜托真的要唱吗Come on,do I really have to?那设想下我们通宵达旦闲话家常I suppose we can stay up and talk.- Penny? - Yeah?谢谢你留我在这过夜Thank you for letting me stay here.不客气甜心You're welcome,sweetie.好我已经困了你出去Okay,I'm sleepy now. Get out.不知道我为啥要担心I don't see why I have to worry.又不是我的事业悬而未决My career's not hanging in the balance.开玩笑呢That was a joke.很好笑It's funny,因为这是事实because it's true.休斯顿这里是国际空间站Houston,International Space Station.我们这有点小状况We have a little situation up here.我们要临时安排一次太空行走We'd like to make an unscheduled space walk.国际空间站这里是休斯顿I.S.S.,Houston.将有哪些成员出舱?Which crew members would be involved in this E.V.A.?我们都想出舱走走Houston,we'd all like to step outside for a few minutes.这将不予批准I.S.S.,I'm afraid we can't authorize that.其实我们只是通知一下Houston,this is more of an FYI call.我们已经被迫出舱了We are basically out the door.好家伙的我的宗教说如果我们这一世受苦下一世会得到回报的My religion teaches that if we suffer in this life we are rewarded in the next. 和Sheldon在北极呆三个月Three months at the North Pole with Sheldon,我就能转世投胎成一个长翅膀的大屌亿万富翁了!and I'm reborn as a well-hung billionaire with wings!。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E12 – The Psychic VortexScene: The apartment.Leonard:Look at us. Getting ready for a double date with actual women who publicly acknowledge they’re our girlfriends.Howard: Yes, actual women are the best.Sheldon: I don’t understand. What other kind of women are there?Leonard: Howard, artificial women are your department. You want to take this?Howard:No, it would just freak him out. Listen, before we leave, I should warn you, I’m a passionate man and I tend towards public displays of affection.Leonard: What are you trying to tell me, Howard?Howard: There might be some making out in the car or the restaurant, and I don’t want Bernadette to feel uncomfortable, so it would help if you and Penny made out, too.Leonard: D on’t worry. We’re planning to have sex right on the salad bar.Raj(arriving): Namaste, white people. Good news! I rented us the four-hour edition of Watchmen. Leonard: Got it.Howard: Seen it.Sheldon: Detailed analysis posted online.Raj: Well, then what are we going to do tonight?Leonard: Uh, sorry, Raj. Howard and I are going out to dinner with Penny and Bernadette.Howard: Yeah, no more carefree bachelor nights for me and Leonard. These broncos have been saddled. Leonard: How did we get actual women?Raj: Great. They get girlfriends, and they just abandon us?Sheldon:It is great, isn’t it? We have a wonderful evening ahead of us.Raj: We do?Sheldon:Oh, yes. I just discovered I don’t have enough room on my hard drive for a Linux partition, so you and I are going to perform a full backup, reinitialize and then reinstall all my operating systems.Raj:I don’t want to do that.Sheldon:All right. Well, I’m going to perform full backup, reinitialize and then reinstall all my operating systems.Raj: What about me?Sheldon: Well, I understand there are several types of artificial women. Maybe you should look into that.Credits sequence.Scene: A little later.Raj: Dude, there’s so many cool things we could be doing tonight. Look. At the Glendale Galleria, put on your best zoot suit, it’s a salute to Swing music in the center court near Macy’s. 5pm to 9pm, huh, huh? A salute to zoot. Sounds like a hoot.Sheldon: I’m sorry, Raj, I have no desire to salute any article of clothing tonight. Much less one that’s linked to race riots in the 1940s.Raj: Race riots?Sheldon: The zoot suit riots.Raj: Oh. I always thought that was some sort of after-Christmas sale. Well, then why don’t we just go to the galleria and walk around?Sheldon:I don’t need anything at the G alleria. Do you need anything at the Galleria?Raj: No. We would just walk around and see what’s what.Sheldon: That’s a semantically null sentence.Raj: Okay, well, how about this? From the university Web site, 7pm to 10pm, Norton Hall Multipurpose Room, mixer for grad students and faculty of the science and humanities departments. Whether you split atoms or infinitives, this is the place to be.Sheldon: Well, that’s certainly amusing, but I have no interest.Raj: Come on, Sheldon, the world is filled with people doing things outside. Let’s go outside. Outside is good.Sheldon: If outside is so good, why has mankind spent thousands of years trying to perfect inside?Raj:I don’t know, it’s a marketing scheme. Please, Sheldon, I’m a young, virile visitor fro m a foreign land and I need to strut my stuff.Sheldon: Let me offer you a compromise. Sometimes when I feel stifled and want a change of scenery, I use my imagination.Raj: Oh, boy.Sheldon:One of my favourite places to visit is the two-dimensional world described in Edwin Abbott’s mathematical fantasy, Flatland.Raj:I don’t want to go to Flatland.Sheldon:You’re only saying that because you haven’t been there. I am now a hexagon in two-dimensional space and can only perceive the edges of other objects.Raj: Oy.Sheldon: Is that you, Raj? I don’t recognize your edge.Raj: Sheldon, I’m begging you. I want to go to this mixer, and I don’t want to go alone.Sheldon: Well, you’re in luck, there’s a mixer here in Flatland. Oh, look, there’s a sexually attract ive line segment, you should chat her up.Raj: What?Sheldon:Tell her you’re a circle, Flatland gals are all hot for circles.Scene: Leonard’s car.Leonard: I hope you’re hungry, Bernadette, we’re going to a terrific restaurant.Bernadette: Oh, yeah, I’m starved. When you spend all day in a bio-lab, watching flesh-eating bacteria skeletonize small rodents it really works up an appetite.Howard: Flesh-eating bacteria. And yet, I still want to kiss this woman, what does that tell you?Penny: That you’d be w illing to die a horrible death on the off-chance you’d get to second base? Bernadette: Oh, we’re way past second base. Right, Howard?Howard: Well, we kind of disagree about what the bases are.Bernadette: How’s your work going, Penny? Any acting jobs?Penny: Well, the last big thing I did was this production of Diary of Anne Frank above a bowling alley. But I think things might be turning around pretty soon.Leonard: Great. How come?Penny: Well, promise you won’t make fun of me.Leonard: Of course, I would never make fun of you.Penny: Okay. Well, I went to this psychic who told me that if I cut my hair, I’m going to get a national commercial.Leonard (laughing): Seriously? You’re getting career advice from a psychic?Howard: Good job not making fun of her.Penny: She’s not one of those phonies, okay. She wrote a book and has her own Web site.Leonard:Oh, gee, why didn’t you say so? They don’t let just anyone have a Web site.Penny: Why are you being such a jerk?Leonard:You’re surprised? Your psychic didn’t tell you I was going to be a jerk?Penny: Ha-ha, bite me.Leonard: Come on, Penny.Howard: Why don’t you kids go ahead and chat? We’re gonna make out back here.Bernadette:I’m sliding into third.Scene: The university mixer.Raj: Thanks for coming with me.Sheldon: Thanks for giving me your limited edition Green Lantern lantern.Raj: Did you really have to bring it in with you?Sheldon: What if evil strikes and my power ring runs low?Raj: Come on, let’s get a drink.Sheldon:I don’t drink.Raj: Yeah, well I do. And when my wingman is carrying a Green Lantern lantern, I drink a lot. I’ll have a screwdriver, please. Don’t be chintzy with the screw.Sheldon: I would like a root beer float.Raj: Sheldon, they don’t have ice cream.Sheldon: They don’t? Wel l, apparently, these people and I differ greatly on the definition of party.Raj:He’ll have a Shirley Temple.Sheldon: And don’t be chintzy with the Shirley.Raj: Okay, let’s check out the females.Sheldon:All right. There’s a female.Raj: T hat’s Professor Wilkinson’s wife, she’s like 80 years old.Sheldon: But she’s female. Isn’t that the game?Raj:No. I’m looking for a hookup.Sheldon: Oh, yes. So, the point of this exercise is for you to find someone to copulate with?Raj: Not so loud, but ideally, yes. Thanks.Sheldon: Thank you. And what is my function as wingman?Raj: You help me run my game.Sheldon: Okay. What is your game?Sheldon: When I lie through my teeth to a woman, you nod and agree.Girl:Hey, that’s pretty cool. What is it?Sheldon:It’s a limited edition Green Lantern lantern. My friend is looking for someone to copulate with. Girl: You’re very funny. I’m Abby.Sheldon: I’m Sheldon. How do you do?Raj: How do you do? Rajesh Ramayan Koothrappali. Call me Raj.Abby: Hi, Raj. Where are you from?Raj: The mysterious subcontinent of India.Abby: Ooh, India.Raj: You know India?Abby: I saw Slumdog Millionaire.Raj: Well, I’m a slumdog astrophysicist.Sheldon: I thought your father was a gynaecologist. I’m sorry. (Smiles and nods)Abby: Martha, come here. Meet Raj and Sheldon. This is my friend, Martha.Martha: Hi.Raj: Hello.Sheldon: Hello.Martha: Is that the limited edition Green Lantern lantern?Sheldon: In brightest day, in darkest night, no evil shall escape my sight.Martha: Oh, that is so awesome.Sheldon: Thank you. Have you chosen one to copulate with?Scene: A restaurant.Bernadette: So, what should we talk about?Howard: Well, we could always learn more about why people who believe in psychics are idiots. Leonard? Penny: Oh, we don’t need to talk about that anymore. Leonard covered it pretty well in the car. Leonard: I’m sorry, but facts are facts.Penny:Right, and if you can’t understand it, it’s not a fact.Leonard: No, if it’s not a fact, it’s not a fact.Penny: Oh, got it. Thank you for educating me.Leonard: You’re welcome. How’s your fish?Penny: Amazing. Would you like to try some?Leonard: Yeah, sure.Penny:Well, the fact is, you can’t.Leonard:Come on, Howard, Bernadette, you’re both scientists. Help me out here.Howard: Wh at do you think? Want to jump right into the middle of another couple’s argument? Bernadette: No, thank you.Howard: Sorry.Leonard: Maybe we should just stop talking about this.Penny: Maybe some of us should stop talking altogether.Waiter: How is everything tonight?Bernadette: Really uncomfortable.Scene: The stairwell.Leonard:You know, the best thing about being in a committed, monogamous, mutually supportive relationship is that even if you have different ideas, you can have a spirited debate, yet still care for, even make love with… (she shuts the door in his face) Want your fish? (Opens door, takes fish, closes it again) I knew you were going to do that. Doesn’t make me psychic! Attaboy, Leonard, make it worse. (Opens his own apartment door to find Sheldon, Raj and the two girls playing Rock Band and performing American Woman)Leonard:What’s going on?Sheldon: We scored. I’m the wingman.Scene: Leonard’s lab.Howard: Hey.Leonard(handing him protective glasses): Laser.Howard: Had a great night last night. I don’t like to kiss and tell, but somebody made it to eighth base. Leonard: What the hell is eighth base?Howard: Seventh base with shirt off. Well, my shirt. How’d things go with Penny?Leonard:Oh, couldn’t be better.Howard: Are we taking our relationship frustrations out on innocent Cylons?Leonard:It’s not just Cylons. Superman’s next.Howard: All right, I was going to try to squeeze in a little more mocking before lunch, but I can come back later when you don’t have a high-powered weapon.Leonard: How can I go out with a woman who believes in psychics?Howard: Hey, I once dated a girl who believed she was abducted by aliens.Leonard:And that didn’t bother you?Howard: Au contraire. It meant she was gullible and open to a little probing.Leonard:What am I supposed to do, pretend I believe something I don’t whenever I’m with Penny? Howard:Hey, I’m sure Penny fakes all kinds of things when she’s with you.Leonard: Do me a favour, lean over, put your head right here.Howard: Let me show you another way to look at this. Here we have the universe of all women. These are the ones you want to sleep with. These are the women who believe exactly what you believe. These are the women who would be willing to sleep with you. And right there in theli ttle triple intersection is your ideal mate. Odds are she’s a short physicist with low self-esteem who lives in a government research facility in China.Leonard: What’s your point? In order to keep having a sexual relationship with Penny, I have to give up everything I believe in, my intellectual integrity, the very nature of who I am? I can’t do that, Howard. Howard: I respect that. (Takes Leonard’s hand, draws a dot on it.)Leonard: What is that?Howard: Your new girlfriend. Have fun tonight.Scene: The apartment. Sheldon is learning Finnish.Sheldon:The dog… koira. The roof… katto. Grapes… ryp leet. (There is a knock on the door) One minute. Sis n.Raj: What was that?Sheldon:It means come in. It’s taking forever to load the new operating system on my computer. I disinfected the kitchen and the bathroom, and now I thought I’d learn Finnish.Raj: (Hindi)That’s Hindi for whatever floats your boat. Uh, listen, I got a text from that girl Abby, and she and her friend Martha want to hang out with us again. What do you say?Sheldon: I don’t say anything. I merely offer you a facial expression that suggests you’ve gone insane. Raj: I don’t get it. You had a great time.Sheldon: Yes, exactly, I had a great time. That’s done, I’ve moved on to other things. For example, after I learn Finnish, I’m not going to learn Finnish again.Raj: Please, Sheldon, I’m a lost Indian boy far from home, and I want a girlfriend and I want her to be Abby, and she’ll only come over if she can bring Martha.Sheldon: Raj, I highly doubt there is any argument you can make, threat you might levy, rhetorical strategy, plea, invocation, supplication, or… vetoomus that you can employ that would convince me to reconsider. Raj: My Incredible Hulk hands signed by Stan Lee.Sheldon: Oh, my. I’ve admired these for years.Raj: So does that mean we can go with the girls again?Sheldon: Hulk agree to second date with puny humans!Raj:You can’t wear the hands on the date.Sheldon: Hulk sad.Scene: The laundry room.Leonard: Hey. Cleaning out the old dryer lint, huh? Not only is it courteous, it’s safety smart. Every year, 15,000 fires are caused by accidental dryer lint ignition. Now you’re supposed to say, wow, what an interesting fact. Come here, you crazy, nerdy guy. I could never be mad at you.Penny: Wow, that’s all you got after you were the most obnoxious person on a double date that included Howard Wolowitz?Leonard:No, I’m sorry. I really am. It’s not right to mock what a person believes in.Penny: Thank you. Would you be willing to go to my psychic and see what it’s all about?Leonard: Would you be willing to read a book that concisely explains how all psychics are frauds? Penny: I would not.Leonard:Okay, let’s go see your psychic.Penny: Really?Leonard: Well, yeah, one of us has to keep an open mind.Penny: You saying I don’t have an open mind?Leonard: No, not at all. Let me help you with this stuff.Penny: You know, I believe in ghosts, too.Leonard: Great.Penny: And astrology.Leonard: I know, and pyramid power and healing crystals.Penny: Oh, no, no, no, crystals don’t work.Leonard: Really, that’s the line? Psychics are real, but crystals are voodoo?Penny:Oh, voodoo’s real. You don’t want to mess with voodoo.Scene: The apartment.Martha: Flatland is more than just a mathematical essay. It is also a treatise on Victorian social mores. Sheldon: You know, I had never considered that. Wow, that’s going to completely change my visits there. Well, it’s late.Martha: Uh-huh.Sheldon: Time for bed.Martha: Okay.Sheldon: Good night, puny human! (He gets up and leaves).Scene: Outside Sheldon’s bedroom.Martha: Sheldon?Sheldon: Yes?Martha: Listen, they’re kind of getting busy in the living room, and I was wondering if I could hang out in here for a while.Sheldon: Well, I suppose. Com e in. I’ll sleep in Leonard’s room. Good night。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E01 – The Electric Can Opener FluctuationPreviously on The Big Bang Theory...[Scene: Opening shows some scenes from the final episode of the previous season, followed by the caption “Three months later.” Scene then opens in lobby, with the guys arriving home from the North Pole. All have long hair and bushy beards except Sheldon, whose hair is slightly longer and who has a goatee.]Sheldon：I am going to the Arctic Circle with Leonard,Walowitz,and Koothrappali.Penny：For three months? -Sheldon：Yes.Leonard：What did you mean when you said you were going to miss me?Penny：It means I wish you weren't going.[three month later]Leonard：Oh,thank God we're home.Howard：I can't believe we spent three months in that frozen hell.Rajesh：It was like a snowy nightmare from which there was no awakening.Sheldon：I don't know what Arctic expedition you guys were on,but I thought it was a hoot and a half.Sheldon：Oh,hi,Mom. No,I told you I'd call you when I got home. I'm not home yet.All right,I'm home.The Arctic expedition was a remarkable success.I'm all but certain there's a Nobel Prize in my future. Actually,I shouldn't say that.I'm entirely certain. No,Mother,I could not feel your church group praying for my safty. The fact that I'm home safe does not prove that it worked. The logic is post hoc ergo propter hoc. No,I'm not sassing you in Eskimo talk. Leonard I'm gonna go let Penny know we're back.Sheldon：Mother,I have to go.Yeah,love you. Bye.Hello,old friend.Daddy's home.Penny：Leonard,you're back.Leonard：Yeah. I just stopped by to say-- hmph!Yeah. So,hi.Penny：Hi.(They stumble, kissing, into her apartment and slam the door shut)Howard：Damn it,I should have gone over and told her we were back.Rajesh：Yeah,it was first-come,first-serve.Credits Sequence[Scene: A moment later.]Sheldon：I just want you both to know, When I publish my findings,I won't forget your contributions. Howard：Great.Rajesh：Thanks.Sheldon：Of course,I can't mention you in my Nobel acceptance speech, but when I get around to writing my memoirs, you can expect a very effusive footnote and perhaps a signed copy.Rajesh：We have to tell him.Sheldon：Tell me what?You fellows are planning a party for me,aren't you?Howard：Okay,Sheldon,sit down.Sheldon：If there's going to be a theme I should let you know that I don't care for luau,toga or "under the sea."Howard：Yeah,we'll keep that in mind. Look...We need to talk to you about something that happened at the North Pole.Sheldon：If this is about the night the heat went out,there's nothing to be embarrassed about.Rajesh：It's not about that.Howard：And we agreed never speak of it again.Sheldon：So we slept together naked.It was only to keep our core body temperatures from plummeting. Howard：He's speaking about it.Rajesh：For me,it was a bonding moment.Howard：Sheldon,you remember the first few weeksWe were looking for magnetic monopoles And not finding anything and you were acting like an obnoxious,giant dictator?Rajesh：thought we were going to be gentle with him.Howard：That's why I added the "tator."And then when we finally got our first positive data, you were so happy.Sheldon：Oh,yes. In the world of emoticons,I was colon,capital "D."Howard：Well,in actuality,what your equipment detected wasn't so much evidence of paradigm- shifting monopoles as it was...static from the electric can opener we were turning on and off.Rajesh：He just went colon,capital "O."Sheldon：You tampered with my experiment?Howard：We had to.Rajesh：It was the only way to keep you from being such a huge Dickensian.You see that? I add the "ensian."Sheldon：Did Leonard know abouthis?Leonard's my best friend in the world.Surely Leonard didn't know. Howard：Actually,it was his idea.Sheldon：Of course it was. The whole plan weeks of Leonard.Penny：I missed you so much.Leonard：I missed you,tooPenny：I couldn't even think of anyone else while you were gone.Leonard：Me,neither.Except for one night when the heat went out.Long story. It's... Don't ask.Sheldon：(Knock, knock, knock)Leonard.(Knock, knock, knock) Leonard.(Knock, knock, knock) Leonard. Leonard：Do not make a sound.Sheldon(whispering)："Do not make a sound..."...is a sound.Leonard：Damn his Vulcan hearing.Not a good time,Sheldon.Sheldon：Penny.Penny. Penny.Penny：Oh,this is ridicules.What?Sheldon：Hello,Penny I realize you're currently at the mercy of your primitive biological urges,but as you have an entire lifetime of poor decisions ahead of you,may I interrupt this one?Penny：It's great to see you too. Come on in.Sheldon：Wolowitz has informed me of your grand deception.Do you have anything to say for yourself? Leonard：Yes,I feel terrible about it.I will never forgive myself,I don't expect you to,either,and I would really appreciate it if you would leave me with Penny for a session of self-criticism and repentance.Penny：Okay,can someone please tell me what's going on here?Sheldon：What's going on is I was lead to believe I was making groundbreaking strides in science,when in fact,I was being fed false data at the hands of Wolowitz,Koothrappali and your furry little boy toy.Penny：Is that true?Leonard：It was the only way to make him happy.Penny：Well,why'd you have to make him happy?Leonard：Because when he wasn't happy,we wanted to kill him.There was even a plan.We were going to throw his kindle outside,and when he went to get it,lock the door and let him freeze to death.Sheldon：That seems like a bit of an overreaction.Leonard：No,the overreaction was the plan to tie your limbs to four different sled dog teams andyell,"Mush."Look,we kept the original data.You can still publish the actual results.Sheldon：Yes,but the actual results are unsuccessful and I've already sent an e-mail to everyone at the university explaining that I have confirmed string theory and forever changed man's understanding of the universe.Leonard：Aw,see,yeah,you probably shouldn't have done that.So write another e-mail. Set the record straight.It's no big deal.Sheldon：You're right,Leonard.It's not a big deal. All you did was lie to me,destroy my dream and humiliate me in front of the whole university. That,FYI,was sarcasm. I,in fact,believe it is a big deal.Penny：Oh,the poor thing.Leonard：Yeah,I feel terrible.Penny：Wait wait,aren't you going to go talk to him?Leonard：What? Uh,he'll be fine.The guy's a trooper. Come here.Penny：No,you're right-- you shouldn't talk to him.I will.Leonard：Man,I cannot catch a break.[Scene: Sheldon’s bedroom. Penny knocks and enters.]Penny：Do you want to talk?Sheldon：About what? Being betrayed by my friends?Spending three months at the North Pole for nothing?And I didn't even get to go to Comic-Con!Penny：Oh,hon...Uh... Soft kitty,warm kitty...Sheldon：That's for when I'm sick. Sad is not sick.Penny：Oh. Sorry.I don't know your sad song.Sheldon：I don't have a sad song. I'm not a child.Penny：Well,you know,I do understand what you're going through.Sheldon：Really?Did you just have the Nobel Prize in waitressing stolen from you?Penny：Well,no,but when I was a senior in high school,one of my friends heard I was going to be named head cheerleader.Oh,I was so excited.My mom even made me a celebration pie.Then they named stupid Valerie Mosbacher head cheerleader.Big old slutbag.Sheldon：Are you saying that you think a "celebtion pie" is even remotely comparable to a Nobel Prize? Penny：Well,they're pretty tasty.Sheldon：And on a different,but not unrelated topic, based on your current efforts to buoy my spirits,do you truly believe that you were ever fit to be a cheer leader?Penny：Look,Sheldon,I just don't think that the guys and Leonard really meant to hurt you.You know? They just told an unfortunate lie to deal with a difficult situation.Okay,you know what it's like?Remember that scene in the new Star Trek movie when Kirk has to take over the ship,so he tells Spock all that stuff he knew wasn't true,like saying Spock didn't care his mom died?Sheldon：I missed Comic- Con and the new Star Trek movie![Scene: The university cafeteria. The guys have shaved and had haircuts. Howard has kept his moustache.]Rajesh：I like the new look.Howard：Thanks.I call it "the Clooney."Rajesh：I call it "the Mario and Luigi but whatever.Hey,how's sheldon doing?Leonard：Well,he came out of his room this morning wearing his Darth Vader helmet and trying to chop me to death with the "force" so I would say "a little better."Howard：If I may abruptly change the subject,did you and Penny finally... you know.Leonard：Howard...Howard：Personally,I don't care, but my genitals wanted me to ask.Leonard：Well tell your genitals what I do with Penny is none of their business.Howard(to his genitals)：He says they didn't do it.Leonard(to Sheldon, entering)：Sheldon,over here.(Sheldon sits at another table and tries to choke all three to death with the force. Raj pretends he is choking.)Howard：What are you doing?Rajesh：well,I feel bad for the guy.Leonard：Sheldon,why are you sitting by yourself?Sheldon：Because I am without friends.Like the proverbial cheese,I stand alone.Evenhile seated. Leonard：Come on. We said we were sorry.Sheldon：It's going to take more than an "I'm sorry"and a store-bought apology pie from Penny to make up for what you've done to me.Barry：Hey,Cooper.Read your retraction email.Way to destroy your reputation.Sheldon：You see? People have been pointing and laughing at me all morning.Barry：That's not true.People have been pointing and laughing at you your whole life.Sheldon：All right,I've had enough.Attention,everyone. I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper. As many of you in the physics department might know, my career trajectory has taken a minor detour. Off a cliff. My credibility may have been damaged . Completely wrecked.But I would like to remind you that in science,there's no such thing as failure.There once was a man who was referred to his prediction of a cosmological constant as the single "biggest blunder"of his career. That man's name was--surprise,surprise--Albert Einstein.Barry：Yeah,but research into Dark Energy proved that Einstein's cosmological constant was actually right all along,so you're still--surprise,surprise--a loser.Sheldon：Oh,you think you're so clever.Well,let me just tell you,while I do not currently have a scathing retort,you check your e-mail periodically for a doozy.Leonard：So much for our friendship with Sheldon.Rajesh：Well,we always have the night the heat went out.[Scene: Penny’s apartment.]Penny：Hi.Leonard：Hey.Listen,since we got,you know, interrupted last night,I didn't have a chance to give you this. Penny：Oh,Leonard,you shouldn't have.Oh,boy!What is it?Leonard：It's a snowflake.From the North Pole.Penny：Are you serious?Leonard：Uh-huh.It'll last forever.I preserved in a one percent solution of polyvinyl acetal resin.Penny：Oh,my God.That's the most romantic thing anyone's ever said to me that I didn't understand. Leonard：It's actually a pretty simple process.You see,cyanoacrylates are monomers which polymerize on--(she kisses him)Howard：Red alert,Leonard. Sheldon ran away.Leonard：Man,I cannot catch a break.Penny：So,how do you know he ran way?Howard：Well,he's not answering his phone,he handed in his resignation at the university and he sent me a text that said,"I'm running away."Leonard：Okay,well,thanks for letting me know.Penny：Well,Leonard,aren't you going to do something?Of course I'm going to do something. Uh,Howard,you check the comic book Raj,go to the Thai restaurant.I'll stay here with Penny in her apartment.(His phone rings)Oh,damn it,It's Sheldon's mother. A break cannot be caught.Hi,Mrs. Cooper.he is?Sheldon went home to TexasYeah,no,I know he resigned.Yes... I guess it is kind of our fault.No,no,no. You-you're right.Someone needs to come talk to him.Don't worry,I'll take care of it.Yeah. All right.New plan.Howard,you and Raj go to Texas.I'll stay here with Penny in her apartment.Penny：Well,you're not gonna go with them?Leonard：Well,you know,I gave you the snowflakeand we were kissing and...Oh,come on,I don't want to go to Texas!Howard：Oh,right,and I do?My people already crossed a desert once.We're done.Leonard：Trust me,you'll be fine. See ya.Penny：Well,wait a second,Leonard,come on,how can you not go? He's your best friend.Leonard：Yeah,but I already saw him naked.Penny：I promise I will be he when you get back.Just go help Sheldon.Leonard：Really?Penny：Yeah. We waited a few months.We can wait a few more days.Leonard：Maybe you can.Go.Rajesh：Boy,you cannot catch a break,can you?[Scene: Sheldon’s mother’s kitchen.]Mrs Cooper：Here you go,Shelly.Sheldon：Thaks,Mom.Mrs Cooper：Hold your horses,young man.Here in Texas,we pray before we eat.Sheldon：Aw,Mom.This is not California,land of the heathen.Mrs Cooper：Gimme.By His hand we are all...Sheldon： ...fed.Mrs Cooper：Give us,Lord,our daily...Sheldon ： ...bread.Mrs Cooper：Please know that we are truly...Sheldon： ...grateful.Mrs Cooper：For every cup and every...Sheldon：...plateful. Amen.Mrs Cooper：Now,that wasn't so hard,was it?Sheldon：My objection was based on considerations Other than difficulty.Mrs Cooper：Whatever. Jesus still loves you.Sheldon：Thank you for carving a smiley face in my grilled cheese sandwich.Mrs Cooper：Oh,I know how to take care of my baby.His eyes cames out a little thin,But you can just pretend he's Chinese.Do you want to talk about what happened with you and your little friends?Sheldon：They're not my friends.Mrs Cooper：All right.If you recall,when you were little,we sat right here at this very spotWe talked about some of the problemsThat you had get in along with the neighbor kid s.Sheldon：That was different.They were threatened by my intelligenceAnd too stupid to know that's why they hated me.Mrs Cooper：Oh baby,they knew very well why they hate you.[Scene: A rental car.]Leonard：I can't believe you bought a red cowboy hat.Howard：Hello? I'm wearing a red turtleneck Plus,it was the only boys' large they had.Rajesh：I'm sorry,this does not look like Texas.Where's the tumbleweeds? Whe's the saloons? Leonard：Saloons?Rajesh：Yeah,like in the movies I saw growing up in India.You know,uh,Four for T exas,Yellow Rose of Texes.Howard：This neighborhood is more likeT exas ChainsawRajesh：I was really hoping to see a cattle drive.Leonard：What can I tell you?They probably have steaks on sale at that big-ass Costco over there.[Scene: Sheldon’s mother’s house.]Leonard：Will you please take that stupid hat off?Howard：No,I want to blend in.Rajesh：To what? Toy Story?Mrs Cooper：Hi,boys.Howard：Howdy,ma'am.Mrs Cooper：Howdy to you too.You got here quick..Leonard：We took the red-eye.Mrs Cooper：Well,come on in.Howard：Thank you kindly.Mrs Cooper：Can .. Can I get you something to drink?Leonard：Uh,no,thank you.Howard：If you don't mind,I got a hankerin' for a Lone Star beer.Mrs Cooper：There's no alcohol in this household. Stop talking like that and lose the hat.Howard：Sorry,I'll take a diet Yoo-Hoo if you have it.Mrs Cooper：You'll take a Coke.What about you? Radge,isn't it?Oh,you still having trouble talking to the ladies?Because,you know,at our church,We have a woman who's an amazing healer.Mostly she does,uh,crutch and wheelchair people,But I bet she'd be willing to take a shot At whatever Third World demon is running around inside of you.Leonard：Uh,if you don't mind,Mrs. Cooper,There's a 3:05 nonstop back to Los AngeleAnd you have no idea how much I want to be on it.Mrs Cooper：A girl?Leonard：Uh,yes,ma'am.Mrs Cooper：Oh,good. I been praying for you.Oh,Sheldon.Sheldon：What are they doing here?Leonard：We came to apologize.Howard：Again.Leonard：And bring you homeSo,why don't you pack up your stuff and we'll head backSheldon：No,this is my home now.Thanks to you,my career is overAnd I will spend the rest of my life here in TexasTrying to teach evolution to creationists.Mrs Cooper：You watch your mouth,Shelly. Everyone's entitled to their opinion.Sheldon：Evolution isn't an opinion,it's fact.Mrs Cooper：And that is your opinion.Sheldon：I forgive you. Let's go home.Mrs Cooper：Don't tell me prey doesn't work.[Scene: In Penny’s bed.]Leonard：How about that.I finally caught a break.You know how they say when friends have sex,it can get weird?Penny：Sure.Leonard：Why does it have to get weird?Penny：I don't know.Leonard：I mean,we were friends,and now we're more than friends.We're whatever "this" is.But why label it,right?I mean,it is what it is and...Penny：Leonard?Leonard：Yeah?Penny：It's weird.Leonard：totally.。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E03 – The Gothowitz Deviation[Scene: The apartment kitchen. Penny is cooking breakfast while singing and dancing along to “Man I Feel Like A Woman” by Shenia Twain. Sheldon enters.]Penny: Morning, Sheldon. Come dance with me.Sheldon: No.Penny: Why not?Sheldon: Penny, while I subscribe to the many worlds theory which posits the existence of an infinite number of Sheldons in an infinite number of universes, I assure you that in none of them am I dancing.Penny: Are you fun in any of them?Sheldon:The math would suggest that in a few I’m a clown made of candy. But I don’t dance.Penny: All right, want some French toast?Sheldon:It’s Oatmeal Day.Penny: Tell you what, next French Toast Day, I will make you oatmeal.Sheldon: Dear Lord, are you still going to be here on French Toast Day?Leonard: Morning.Sheldon: Look, Leonard, Penny made French toast.Leonard:Sorry. I haven’t given her your schedule yet.Sheldon:It’s an iCal download, she can put it right in her phone. And I thought we agreed that you’d have your conjugal visits in her apartment.Leonard: We did, but there were extenuating circumstances.Sheldon: I see. Did her abysmal housekeeping skills finally trump her perkiness?Leonard: No, her bed kind of… br oke.Sheldon: That doesn’t seem likely. Her bed’s of sturdy construction. Even the addition of a second normal size human being wouldn’t cause a structural failure, much less a homunculus such as yourself.Penny: A homunculus?Leonard: Perfectly formed miniature human being.Penny:Oh, you’re my little homunculus.Leonard: Don’t do that.Penny: Sorry. Okay, who wants syrup and who wants cinnamon sugar?Sheldon: I want oatmeal.Penny: Yes, well, I want a boyfriend whose roommate isn’t a giant pain in the ass.Sheldon: I’m sure that will happen soon enough. But in the meantime, I still want oatmeal.Penny: You know what, I give up. He’s impossible.Sheldon: I can’t be impossible. I exist. I believe what you meant to say is, “I give up, he’s improbable.”Leonard: Sheldon, you really need to find a better way of dealing with Penny.Sheldon: What am I supposed to do, eat French toast on a Monday? Now, that would be impossible. Leonard: I’m just saying, you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.Sheldon: You can catch even more flies with manure. What’s your point?Leonard: It’s a… (gives up)Sheldon: Boy, that does smell good. Too bad it’s Monday.Credits sequence.[Scene: The apartment].Penny: Okay, so Kim the night manager went on maternity leave, and her husband’s name is Sandy, right? So get this, her replacement is a woman named Sandy whose husband’s name is Kim.Penny: I know. What are the odds?Sheldon: Easily calculable, we begin by identifying the set of married couples with unisex names. We then eliminate those unqualified for restaurant work, the aged, the imprisoned and the limbless, for example. Next we look at…Leonard:Sheldon! it’s an amazing coincidence, can we leave it at that?Sheldon: I’m sorry. Ooh, Penny, it’s as if the Cheesecake Factory is run by witches.Penny: Ooh, Sheldon, it’s as if you don’t think I’ll punch you.Leonard: Come on, you guys, let it go.Penny: Fine, whatever. Are you finished?Sheldon: Well, thank you. How thoughtful. Would you like a chocolatePenny: Um, yeah, sure, thanks.Leonard: What was that?Sheldon: You said be nice to Penny. I believe offering chocolate to someone falls within the definition of nice. Leonard: It does. But in my experience, you don’t.Sheldon: There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy. Leonard: Yeah, yeah, now that’s you, obnoxious and insufferable.Howard (arriving, in goth gear): What’s going on, day dwellers?Penny:Oh, man, did the Kiss Army repeal don’t ask, don’t tell?Howard: No. Raj and I are going a goth club in Hollywood to hang with the night people. Anybody want to come along?Penny: Oh, wow, you’re actually going out like that?Howard: No, no. I’m going out like this. (Whips off jacket to reveal tattoos up both arms)Leonard: Howard, what did you do?Howard: They’re called tattoo sleeves. Look. I bought them online, Raj got a set, too. Fantastic, right? Put them on, have hot sex with some freaky girl with her business pierced, take them off, and I can still be buried in a Jewish cemetery.Sheldon: You know, I’ve always wanted to go to a goth nighclub.Howard: Really?Sheldon: Bazinga! None of you ever see my practical jokes coming, do you?Howard: Okay, how a bout you two? Look, I’ve got some extra tat sleeves.Leonard: Why are you carrying extras?Howard: Well, In case I snag one on someone’s nipple ring.Penny: Uh, yeah, I think we’ll pass.Howard: Oh, is the missus speaking for the couple now?Leonard: In this case, you bet she is.Howard (after Raj whispers): Yes, she’s pushy and yes, he’s whipped, but that’s not the expression. Come on, I want to stop at Walgreens and pick up some more eyeliner.Leonard:They’re gonna get beaten up at that club.Penny: They’re gonna get beaten up at Walgreens. Oh, sorry, Sheldon, I almost sat in your spot. Sheldon: Did you? I didn’t notice. Have a chocolate.Penny: Thank you.[Scene: The goth club.]Raj:I think we’re fitting in quite nicely.Howard: It’d help if you weren’t drinking light beer.Raj: Oh, what’s so gothic about vodka and cranberry juice?Howard: Hello, it looks like blood. Did you even read the Wiki How link I sent you on being goth?Raj:No, I’m behind on my wiki-reading I’m kind of on a John Grisham k ick right now.Raj: Well, I finished reading The Pelican Brief and loved it so much, I dived right into The Client. He was a lawyer himself so his novels are accurate as well as entertaining.Howard: Just remember we are lost boys, children of the night.Raj: Great. Lost boys, children of the night. Got it. Can you pass the Chex mix, please. Thank you. We are lost boys.Girl: Good for you.Howard: I’m actually much morelost than he is.Girl: Nice ink.Howard: Thanks. Can we buy you ladies a drink?Girl: Two light beers.Raj: Light beers? Well, Wiki-how about that?Second girl:What’s your names?Howard:I’m Howard.Raj: Raj.Girl:I’m Bethany.Howard: Nice to meet you, Bethany.Raj: Yes, very nice.Bethany: Nice to meet you too.Second girl: I’m Sarah. Not that anyone cares.Raj: Do either of you ladies enjoy the novels of John Grisham?[Scene: The apartment. ]Penny: What’s this cartoon called again?Leonard: Oshikuru: Demon Samurai.Sheldon: And it’s not a cartoon, it’s anime.Penny: Anime. You know, I knew a girl in high school named Anna May. Anna May Fletcher. She was born with one nostril. Then she had this bad nose job and basically wound up with three.Sheldon: You’re here a lot now.Penny: Oh, am I talking too much? I’m sorry. Zip.Sheldon: Thank you. Chocolate?Penny: Yes please. (Her phone rings) Oh. Hey, Kim. Yeah, I… (sees Sheldon looking disapprovingly) You know what, hold on, let me take this in the hall. (Sheldon silently offers her another chocolate. She takes it.) You’ll never guess who they got to replace you at work…Leonard: Okay, I know what you’re doing.Sheldon: Really?Leonard: Yes, you’re using chocolates as positive reinforcement for what you consider correct behaviour. Sheldon: Very good. Chocolate?Leonard: No, I don’t want any chocolate! Sheldon, you can’t train my girlfriend like a lab rat.Sheldon: Actually, it turns out I can.Leonard: Well, you shouldn’t.Sheldon: There’s just no pleasing you, is there, Leonard? You weren’t happy with my previous approach to dealing with her, so I decided to employ operant conditioning techniques, building on the work of Thorndike and B.F. Skinner. By this time next week, I believe I can have her jumping out of a pool, balancing a beach ball on her nose.Leonard: No, this has to stop now.Sheldon: I’m not suggesting we really make her jump out of a pool. I thought the “bazinga” was implied. I’m just tweaking her personality, sanding off the rough edges if you will.Leonard: No, you’re not sanding Penny.make our lives better?Leonard:Yes, you’re forbidden.Sheldon (Squirting him with a water spray): Bad Leonard.[Scene: The goth club.]Bethany: So what do you guys do?Howard: Oh, you know, goth stuff. Goth magazines, goth music.Raj: Goth food.Sarah: What’s goth food?Raj: Uh… blackened salmon?Bethany: No, I meant what do you do for jobs?Raj: Oh, we’re scientists.Howard: Yeah, you know, the dark sciences.Bethany: What are the dark sciencesRaj: Well, I am an astrophysicist and a lot of that takes place at night. When there are vampires and miscellaneous undead out and about.Howard: Oy vay.Raj: That sounds really cool.Howard: Does it? Okay, if you like space stuff, I design components for the international space station. Which is in space. Where, as I’m sure you know, no one can hear you scream.Raj: So what do you gals do?Bethany: I work at the Gap.Howard: Really? How about that? I’ve been to the Gap.Raj: Yeah, I’ve been there as well. I like your tee-shirts with the little pocket.Sarah: I work there too. Not that anyone cares. You know, this place is boring.Bethany: Yeah. Why don’t we go somewhere else and have some fun?Howard: Okay.Raj: Sure, we like fun.Howard: We are fun people.Raj: Dark and fun.Bethany: Come on, I know a place you’ll really dig.Howard: Did you bring the black condoms?Raj: In my fanny pack.Howard: Let’s go.[Scene: A tattoo parlour. Bethany is getting a tattoo.]Raj: Are you happy now?Howard: Not particularly.[Scene: The apartment.]Penny(voice outside door): Oh’ my God, she didn’t!Leonard: What could she possibly be talking about for so long?Sheldon:Obviously, waitressing at the Cheesecake Factory is a complex socioeconomic activity, that requires a great deal of analysis and planning. Bazinga! You know, using positive reinforcement techniques, I could train that behaviour out of her in a week.Leonard: No.Sheldon: If you let me use negative reinforcement, I can get it done before we go to bed.Leonard: You’re not squirting her in the face with water.Leonard: Forget it.Sheldon: Oh, come on, you can’t tell me that you’re not intrigued about the possibility of building a better girlfriend.Leonard: I’m not. And Penny’s qualities, both good and bad, are what make her who she is.Sheldon: You mean, like that high-pitched, irritating laugh?Leonard: Yes.Sheldon:You wouldn’t prefer a throaty chuckle?Leonard: You’re not changing how Penny laughs.Sheldon: No, that would be incongruous, I was going to lower the whole voice to a more pleasing register. Penny(entering): Uh, sorry guys, that girl is (high pitched) freaky!Sheldon: Come again?Penny (normal voice): Freaky.Sheldon(lower voice): Freaky?Penny(lower voice): Yeah, freaky.Sheldon: Have a chocolate.Penny: Thank you.[Scene: The tattoo parlour. Howard is laying down, preparing to have a tattoo on his lower back]. Raj: Are you seriously going to deface your body just for the possibility you could have cheap sex with a strange girl you met in a bar?Howard: Uh, yeah!Raj: What is your mother going to say?Howard: She’s not going to see it. She takes my temperature orally now.Bethany: What are you going to get, Howard?Howard: Well, I can’t really decide between a screaming devil, this mean little skull or Kermit the Frog. Bethany: Kermit the Frog?Howard: You know (Kermit voice) Hi ho, I’m on Howard’s butt!Bethany: Get the mean little skull, and I’ll see if I can make him smile.Howard: Yeah, I’d like the mean little skull, please.Sarah: What are you going to get, Raj?Raj: With my luck, hepatitisTattooist: Okay, here we go.Howard: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!Tattooist:That’s just rubbing alcohol.Howard: I know, but it was cold. Ow, ow, ow!Tattooist: I’m putting on the stencil.Howard: What comes after the stencil?Tattooist: This.Howard: Aaaaaargh! Okay, that’s it, no needle, no pain, no tattoo.Bethany:What’s the big deal, you’ve done this before.Howard: No, I haven’t, look. (Rips off tattoo sleeves)I’m sorry, I’m a fraud, he’s a fraud.Raj: We’re both frauds.Howard: Yeah, I think I covered that.Raj: But I was summing up.Howard: We’re not goth, we’re just guys.Raj: Very, very smart guys.Bethany: So you were totally scamming us?Howard: Yes. And I wouldn’t blame you if you walked out of here and never wanted to see us again. UnlessBethany: I’m leaving.Sarah:I’m leaving too. Not that anyone cares.Raj: When we tell this story, let’s end it differently.Howard: What are you thinking? Maybe a big musical number?[Scene: The apartment.]Sheldon: Well, I’m going to make some warm milk and then turn in. I trust if you two are planning in engaging in amorous activites, you’ll keep the decibel level to a minimum.Penny: Of course.Sheldon: Thank you. (Throws a chocolate. Penny catches it in her mouth)Penny: Mmm, these are so goodLeonard: Unbelievable.Penny: What?Leonard: I was just thinking, we should probably turn in too.Penny: well, my new bed got delivered, if you come over and put it together, you can stay at my place. Leonard:Really, that’s a lot of work, and it’s kind of late.Penny: Yeah, but if we stay there, we won’t have to be quiet.Leonard: Let’s go.Sheldon: Interesting. Sex works even better than chocolate to modify behaviour. I wonder if anyone else has stumbled on to that.[Scene: Raj’s car.]Howard: Okay, wait, how about this? We say there were four goth girls, the two girls in the club had two friends.Raj: I like it, I like it. Did they smell good despite their gothlike nature?Howard: What’s that got to do with the story?Raj: Engaging my olfactory sense helps make it real for me.Howard: Fine, they smelled good.Raj: Oh, they did. Like jasmine and honeysuckle.Howard: Whatever.Raj: And then they held hands and did a sexy, demonic hokey-pokey for us.Howard: No, no. Look, let me say my story all the way through, and then you can say yours, and then we’ll pick.Raj: I’m sorry. Go on.Howard: Okay. We got tattoos, and then the four girls took us to their place.Raj: But we don’t have tattoos. What if someone asks to see our tattoos?Howard: We say they’re in a very intimate area.Raj:Oh, we are bad boys, aren’t we?Howard: Right, right, so we go back to their place, and then the six of us end up in a hot tub.Raj: But we just got tattoos. Wouldn’t we be concerned about bacterial infection?Howard: True. Okay, forget the hot tub. The point is, we each have a ménage with sexy goth girls.Raj: Wow. What a great night.Howard: Yeah. Hey, want to try a country bar tomorrow night.Raj: Yeah, maybe we’ll get lucky with some sexy cowgirls.Howard: Could happen.Raj: I wonder how they smell.。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E23 – The Lunar ExcitationScene: On the roof of the apartment building.Leonard: Okay, we’ve got power to the laser.Sheldon: I should’ve brought an umbrella.Leonard: What for? It’s not going to rain.Sheldon: I know that, but with skin as fair as mine, moon burn is a real possibility.Howard: That’s a bazinga, right?Sheldon: One of my best, don’t you think?Leonard: Howard, do you want to double-check the equatorial mount on the laser? We need it locked onto the Sea of Tranquility.Howard: You got it. Oh, Raj, no. Billions of dollars have gone into inventing the Internet and filling it with pictures of naked women, so we don’t have to peep through windows.Raj: It’s not like that, I’m watching someone’s TV. The Good Wife is on. I tell you, this is my new Grey’s Anatomy.Sheldon: Leonard, Leonard. What is that? What is that?Leonard: Relax, it’s just a dirty sock.Sheldon: How on earth can you say dirty sock and relax in the same sentence?Leonard: Sheldon, the world is filled with dirty discarded socks.Sheldon: Not my world.Leonard: Hey, you know who’d really dig seeing this experiment? Penny.Sheldon: I wasn’t aware that lunar ranging was her thing. Although, I suppose the retro-reflector left on the moon by Neil Armstrong does qualify as a shiny object.Raj: Why don’t you ask her to come up?Leonard: I don’t know, it’s still a little weird since, you know…Howard: She dumped you?Leonard: She didn’t dump me. We were just in different places in the relationship.Sheldon: I fail to see how a relationship can have the qualities of a geographic location.Howard: Oh, it’s very simple. Leonard was living in a little town called please don’t leave me, while Penny had just moved to the island of bye-bye.Leonard: Screw you guys. I’m gonna go see if she’s home.Howard: If it’s not too much trouble, I’d like to point this at the moon now.Raj: Wait a second, the good wife is crying. Something’s very wrong.Credits sequence.Scene: Penny’s door.Penny: Oh, hi. What’s going on?Leonard: We’re up on the roof bouncing laser beams off the moon.Penny: I’m sorry, what?Leonard: It’s pretty cool. We’ve got a two-meter parabolic reflector and everything. I thought you might want to see it.Man in Penny’s Apartment: That makes no sense.Penny: Um…Man: How can you bounce stuff off the moon? There’s no gravity.Penny: Uh, Leonard, this is Zack. Zack, Leonard.Zack: Hey.Leonard: Oh, sorry, I didn’t know you were busy. Maybe another time.Penny: Yeah, maybe.Zack: Hey, I want to see this laser thing.Penny: Oh, but what about the party?Zack: It’s a surprise party, doesn’t matter when we get there.Penny: Oh, right.Leonard: Okay, well, yeah, come on up. So, how’d you two guys meet?Zack: My company designs the menus for the Cheesecake Factory.Leonard: Your company?Zack: Well,, my dad, but me and my sister are VPs.Leonard: So, menus.Zack: I know it sounds easy but there’s a lot of science that goes in designing them.Scene: The roof.Howard: Happy now? I’m moving the dirty sock.Sheldon: Thank you. Raj, keep an eye out for the other one.Penny: Hey, guys, this is my friend Zack.Zack: Hey.Sheldon: Hello.Zack: Whoa! Is that the laser? It’s bitchin’.Sheldon: Yes. In 1917, when Albert Einstein established the theoretic foundation for the laser in his paper Zur Quantentheorie der Strahlung, his fondest hope was that the resultant device be bitchin’.Zack: Well, mission accomplished.Leonard: Let me explain what we’re doing here. Um, in 1969, the astronauts on Apollo 11 positioned reflectors on t he surface of the moon, and we’re going to shoot a laser off one of them and let the light bounce back into this photomultiplier.Penny: Oh! That’s very cool.Zack: One question. How can you be sure it won’t blow up?Leonard: The laser?Zack: The moon.Sheldon: See, now this is a man for Penny.Leonard: Uh, that’s a great question, Zack.Sheldon: No, it’s not.Penny: Sheldon! Play nice.Sheldon: Well it’s not a great question. How could somebody possibly think we’re going to blow up the moon? That’s a great question.Leonard: Don’t worry about the moon. We, we set our laser to stun.Zack: Smart.Leonard: Now, we’ll be able to see the beam when it leaves, but it won’t be strong enough when it comes back to be seen by the naked eye.Zack: Naked.Leonard: Right. Uh yeah, funny. Uh, that device there will measure the photons that return and let us see it on this computer. Raj, get them some glasses.Zack: Cool, it’s gonna be in 3-D?Howard: Preparing to fire laser at the moon.Sheldon: Make it so.Howard: There i t is. There’s the spike!Leonard: 2.5 seconds for the light to return. That’s the moon! We hit the moon!Zack: That’s your big experiment? All that for a line on the screen?Leonard: Yeah, but, uh, think about what this represents. The fact that we can do this is the only way of definitively proving that there are man-made objects on the moon, put there by a member of a species that only 60 years before had just invented the airplane.Zack: What species is that?Sheldon: I was wrong. Penny can do better.Penny: Okay, guys, thank you, it’s been fun.Zack: Yeah, thanks. Should we invite them to the party?Penny: No, just keep walking.Sheldon: He must be very skilled at coitus.Scene: The apartment.Raj: I’m telling you, dude, the only way to feel better abo ut Penny going out with other guys is for you to get back on the whores.Howard: Horse.Raj: What?Howard: The phrase is get back on the horse, not whores.Raj: That’s disgusting, dude.Howard: No, it’s not… Never mind. He is right, though. If you want, I can turn you on to this great new dating site I found.Leonard: No, thanks.Howard: You sure? They say they can find a match for anybody.Leonard: Have they found a match for you?Howard: Tons. I’ve had, like, eight dates in the last month. And twelve if y ou count the ones who showed up and left.Sheldon: I can’t bring the nitrogen tank down.Leonard: Why not?Sheldon: All right, let me restate that. It’s very heavy, and I don’t want to.Leonard: I’ll help you.Sheldon: Thank you. Lift with your knees, not your back. Good night.Raj: You know what would be fun? Signing Sheldon up for online dating.Howard: Yeah, right.Raj: No, think about it. We make it an experiment. Like when Frankenstein’s monster was lonely and he found a wife.Howard: He didn’t find a wife. They built him a wife out of dead body parts.Raj: Okay, we’ll call that plan B.Scene: The apartment. It is night and the lights are off. Knocking.Leonard: Coming!Penny: Damn you, you rat bastard.Leonard: Are you drunk?Penny: Zack was a perfectly nice guy, and then you ruined him!Leonard: How did I ruin him?Penny: ‘Cause in the olden days, I never would’ve known he was so stupid.Leonard: Come on, he wasn’t that stupid.Penny: Yes, he was! He thought you were gonna blow up the moon!Leonard: O kay, yeah, he’s stupid.Penny: He spent the entire night bragging about how he invented the word appe-teasers.Leonard: How is that my fault?Penny: You have destroyed my ability to tolerate idiots. Now, come with me.Leonard: Where are we going?Penny: We’re gonna have sex.Leonard: Why? I mean, okay.Sheldon: What’s going on?Penny: Put on your noise-cancelling headphones, ’cause it’s gonna get loud.Sheldon: Oh! Not this again.Scene: The next morning.Sheldon: In what universe is this low-pulp? Good morning, Penny.Penny: What, do you have eyes in the back of your head?Sheldon: When one gets beaten up every other day in school, one of necessity develops a keen sense of hearing. Incidentally, one can get beaten up in school simply by referring to onesel f as one. I’m making English muffins. Would you like an English muffin?Penny: Oh, thanks, I’m not hungry.Sheldon: FYI, my noise-cancelling headphones proved ineffective last night.Penny: Yeah, sorry about that.Sheldon: As a native Texan, I must say I’v e never heard the phrase yee-haw used in quite that context. Penny: Oh, God.Sheldon: Oh, God. That I’ve heard on multiple occasions. In what universe is that lightly toasted? This has to be the worst day of my life. Good morning, Leonard.Leonard: How many times have I asked you not to do that?Sheldon: Counting this instance? 317.Leonard: Where’s Penny?Sheldon: She returned to her apartment. I presume to shower and vomit. Not necessarily in that order. Leonard: I wonder why she didn’t say good-bye.Sheldon: Are you expecting me to offer an explanation of human behaviour?Leonard: I know. I just thought as an outsider, you might be able to provide a fresh perspective. Sheldon: I have no difficulty believing you’re not butter.Scene: Penny’s door.Leonard: Oh, hey.Penny: Oh, hi. Um, I gotta run. Early shift.Leonard: Okay, I’ll walk down with you. So, last night was fun, huh?Penny: Yeah, it must have been. I just threw up in my closet.Leonard: Bummer. Anyway, I was thinking tonight maybe we could catch a movie.Penny: Oh, yeah, tonight’s not great for me.Leonard: Doesn’t have to be tonight. I’m free pretty much always.Penny: Leonard, last night was a mistake.Leonard: When you say mistake, do you mean a fortunate mistake, like the discovery of penicillin? Penny: Look, I’m sorry. I was drunk, I was lonely, I hated Zack. Can we just forget it ever happened? Leonard: No, it’s pretty well imprinted on my brain. Especially the whole rodeo thing.Penny: Oh, God!Leonard: So, that’s it? Wham, bam, thank you, L eonard?Penny: Look, I said I’m sorry. Can’t u please let it go?Leonard: How am I supposed to let it go? You used me for sex! Morning, Mrs. Gunderson.Mrs Gunderson: Good morning, Leonard. Or should I say yee-haw?Scene: The apartment.Raj: Holy crap.Howard: What?Raj: We finally have proof that aliens walk among us.Howard: Excuse me?Raj: The dating site matched a woman with Sheldon.Howard: You’re kidding. An actual woman?Raj: Yeah, look. Breasts and everything.Howard: Trust me, breasts doesn’t nec essarily mean woman.Raj: Since when?Howard: I’ll show you a picture of my Uncle Louie in a bathing suit sometime. Leonard, you gotta see this, we found a match for Sheldon.Leonard: Great. Maybe she can have sex with him, and then walk out on him the next morning without so much as a how do you do?Raj: Do you know what he’s talking about?Howard: Nope. Why don’t you ask him?Raj: Leonard, what are you talking about?Leonard: I don’t want to talk about it.Raj: That was a lousy suggestion.Howard: Whatever. Right now, Dr. Sheldon Cooper has to send an e-mail to his perfect match. Greetings, fellow life-form…Scene: A building corridor.Leonard: If she can do it, I can do it. If she can do it, I can do it. If she can do it, I can do it. (Knocks on door) I can’t do it.Leslie Winkle: Hello?Leonard: Oh, hi. Hey. Hi, Leslie.Leslie: Leonard Hofstadter. What’re you doing here?Leonard: Uh, I know! It’s been a while!Leslie: Yeah, 18 months.Leonard: Right. Right. So how you doing?Leslie: Fine. You?Leonard: U h, not bad. You remember when we used to have sex and you said that it didn’t mean anything, it was just for fun?Leslie: Yeah.Leonard: Uh, do you, uh, want to do that again?Leslie: What happened? Blondie dumped you?Leonard: She didn’t dump me. We were just in different places in the relationship.Leslie: Right.Leonard: Um, anyway, apparently, it’s okay to go back to people you’re no longer seeing and have recreational sex with them.Leslie: Uh-huh.Leonard: So, what do you say?Leslie: Let me think about it. (Slams door.)Leonard: She’s not coming back.Scene: The apartment.Raj: Uh-oh. She wants to meet us.Howard: Not us. Him.Raj: Yes, but him doesn’t even know about her.Howard: Well, him about to find out about her.Raj: Really? Us gonna tell him?Sheldon: Who’s going to tell whom about what?Howard: Sheldon. Hey.Raj: Hi.Sheldon: Your surprise confuses me. I live here.Howard: Right. So, listen, what are you doing tomorrow afternoon?Sheldon: Be more specific.Howard: Four thirty.Sheldon: That’s not afternoon. That’s preevning.Howard: What?Sheldon: It’s a time of day I invented. It better defines the ambiguous period between afternoon and evening. Preevning. I’m fairly certain it will catch on as it fills a desperate need.Raj: Right, okay. What are you doing tomorrow preevning?Sheldon: Well, tomorrow’s Saturday. Saturday night is laundry night, so I’ll be spending the preevning pre-sorting and pre-soaking.Howard: Okay, what if I were to tell you, tomorrow, at 4:30 you could meet a woman who has been scientifically chosen to be your perfect mate?Sheldon: I would snort in derision and throw my arms in the air, exhausted by your constant tomfoolery. Raj: But it’s true. But we-we put all your vital information into this dating site, answered all their questions just like you would, and they found a match for you. Her name is Amy Farrah Fowler.Sheldon: Please. Even assuming you could answer any question the way I would, the algorithms used by matchmaking sites are complete hokum.Howard: And that’s exactly the answer we gave to the question, what is your attitude towards online dating”Raj: Howard wanted to write mumbo jumbo, but I said no, our Sheldon would say hokum.Howard: Well, come on, where’s your scientific curiosity?Sheldon: Well, most o f it is being applied to unravelling the secrets of the universe while the rest of it’s wondering why I’m having this conversation with you.Raj: Okay, how about this. Even Spock had a date once every seven years.Sheldon: He didn’t date. It was pon farr. His blood boiled with mating lust.Howard: Okay, well, why don’t you start with a cup of coffee, and you can pon farr Amy Farrah Fowler later.Sheldon: I don’t drink coffee.Howard: All right, you can have a hot chocolate.Sheldon: As I will not be engaging in this nonsense, my choice of beverage is moot. But for the record, I only drink hot chocolate in months with an R in them.Howard: Why?Sheldon: What’s life without whimsy?Howard: Okay, I’m out.Raj: Sheldon, I’ve hidden the dirty sock from the roof s omewhere in your apartment. Unless you are willing to come with us to meet this girl, it will remain there forever.Sheldon: You’re bluffing.Raj: Are you willing to risk it?Sheldon: Curse youScene: The hallway. Leonard is finishing off a bottle of spirits. He opens the lift and drops the bottle inside.Leonard: Thirty feet.Penny: Oh. Hey, Leonard.Leonard: I was a perfectly happy, geeky, little lonely guy, and you ruined me!Penny: Are you drunk?Leonard: Come on. We’re gonna have sex, and it’s not gon na mean a thing!Penny: Are you out of your mind?!Leonard: I’m really starting to think there’s a double standard here.Scene: A coffee shop.Sheldon: In a few minutes, when I gloat over the failure of this enterprise, how would you prefer I do it? The standard I told you so? The classic neener-neener? Or just my normal look of haughty derision? Raj: You don’t know we’re wrong yet.Sheldon: Haughty derision it is.Amy: Excuse me. I’m Amy Farrah Fowler. You’re Sheldon Cooper.Sheldon: Hello, Amy Farrah Fow ler. I’m sorry to inform you that you have been taken in by unsupportable mathematics designed to prey on the gullible and the lonely. Additionally, I’m being blackmailed with a hidden dirty sock.Amy: If that was slang, I’m unfamiliar with it. If it was l iteral, I share your aversion to soiled hosiery. In any case, I’m here because my mother and I have agreed that I will date at least once a year.Sheldon: Interesting. My mother and I have the same agreement about church.Amy: I don’t object to the concept of a deity, but I’m baffled by the notion of one that takes attendance. Sheldon: Well, then you might want to avoid East Texas.Amy: Noted. Now, before this goes any further, you should know that all forms of physical contact up to and including coitus are off the table.Sheldon: May I buy you a beverage?Amy: Tepid water, please.Howard: Good God, what have we done?。