生活大爆炸 第三季 第十六集 s03e16 中英对白 双语 剧本

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E20 – The Spaghetti CatalystScene: The lobby.Penny: Oh, damn, they cancelled my Visa. Oh, yay, a new MasterCard!Sheldon: Uh-oh.Penny: What?Sheldon: I was going to get my mail.Penny: Okay. Are, are you hoping to get it telepathically?Sheldon: I think you mean telekinetically. And no, I just wasn’t sure of the proper protocol now that you and Leonard are no longer having coitus.Penny: God, can we please just say no longer seeing each other?Sheldon: Well, we could if it were true. But as you live in the same building, you see each other all the time. The variable which has changed is the coitus.Penny: Okay, here’s the protocol, you and I are still friends, and you stop saying coitus.Sheldon: Good, good. I’m glad we’re still friends.Penny: Really?Sheldon: Oh, yes. It was a lot of work to accommodate you in my life. I’d hate for that effort to have been in vain.Penny: Right.Sheldon: Just to be clear do I have to stop saying coitus with everyone or just you?Penny: Everyone.Sheldon: Harsh terms. But all right, I’ll just substitute intercourse.Penny: Great.Sheldon: Or fornication. Yeah. But that has judgmental overtones, so I’ll hold that in reserve.Penny: So, how you been?Sheldon: Well, my existence is a continuum, so I’ve been what I am at each point in the implied time period. Penny: You’re just coitusing with me, aren’t you?Sheldon: Bazinga.Penny: Mmm. How’s Leonard doing?Sheldon: He seems all right. Although he does spend a disturbing amount of time looking at photographs of you and smelling the pillow you slept on. Oh, but now that I think of it, he asked me not to tell you that. Penny: I’ll pretend I didn’t hear it.Sheldon: I’d rather you pretend I didn’t say it. I see you bought Mama Italia marinara spaghe tti sauce. Penny: Yep.Sheldon: That’s the sauce my mother uses. She likes cooking Italian because according to her, that’s what the Romans made Jesus eat.Penny: Interesting. I’ll have to have you over for spaghetti some night.Sheldon: I’m hungry now.Penny: Oh. Um, okay. Why don’t you give me an hour and come over?Sheldon: Will you cut up hot dogs into little chunks and mix them in with the sauce?Penny: I don’t have hot dogs.Sheldon: Oh, it’s all right, I do. Oh! You’re in for what my mother calls a r eal Eye-talian treat. (Enters apartment).Leonard: Hey, where you been?Sheldon: I was talking with Penny.Howard: What’s wrong with you? You can’t hang out with your roommate’s ex. That’s totally uncool.Leonard: No, no, it’s fine. I don’t care. I’m over it.Raj: Yeah, he’s over it, that’s why he’s been whining all day about trying to invent that memory-wiper gizmo from Men in Black.Sheldon: Is he making any progress? Because I’d like to erase Ben Affleck as Daredevil.Howard: So would Ben Affleck. The po int is, in a situation like this you got to pick sides. You’re either on Team Leonard or Team Penny.Sheldon: Which one picks last?Howard: What?Sheldon: Well, usually I’m on the team that picks last. Unless there’s a kid in a wheelchair.Leonard: Sheldon, I got you your tangerine chicken. I hope you’re hungry.Sheldon: Well, of course I’m hungry. And as I have no plans to eat with any other team, I will consume my tangerine chicken with the appropriate gusto. Mm, mm, mm!Leonard: Okay.Sheldon: Just out of curiosity, do we still have hot dogs?Leonard: I don’t know. Why?Sheldon: Just making dinner conversation. Go, Team Leonard!Credits sequenceScene: A few moments later.Howard: Oh, God, this is good.Raj: Let me ask you a question. Do you believe you’re going to go to hell for eating sweet and sour pork? Howard: Jews don’t have hell. We have acid reflux.Leonard: Do you want the last dumpling, Sheldon?Sheldon: Certainly. It’s not like I have to moderate my food intake because I’m planning on eating ag ain very shortly. Mm, mm, mm!Leonard: So, you guys want to do something tonight?Howard: Nah, I can’t. I got to pick up my mom from her water aerobics class. 18 overweight women flapping their arm fat in a swimming pool. Looks like the manatee tank at Sea World.Leonard: What about you, Raj?Raj: Oh, there it is, now that you don’t have a girlfriend, you want to hang out with me again.Leonard: I never stopped hanging out with you.Raj: Oh, please, we all know I’m the friend you call when you have no other options. If we were the Justice League, I’d be Aquaman.Howard: I wish you were Aquaman. Then I could send you to scoop my mom out of the old lady tank. Sheldon: Excuse me, I’m thirsty, so I’m going to go to the refrigerator and get myself a refreshing be verage. Leonard:You know what? I’ll just spend the evening alone.Raj: What, suddenly I’m not good enough for you?Sheldon: Ah, I do so love beverages. Now I think I’ll take my after-dinner walk.Leonard: Since when do you take after-dinner walks?Howard: Yeah, since when do you take walks?Sheldon: I read a study online that walking after a meal not only aids in digestion, but increases serotonin, and you know me, if there’s one thing I like more than a refreshing beverage, it’s serotonin. Bye-bye. Howard: Hold on. I’ll walk down with you.Sheldon: Oh, that’s not necessary. You can go first.Howard: Or we could go together.Sheldon: I can’t think of a reason why not.Howard: Let’s go.Sheldon: Hold on. Nope, no reason.Raj: I’ve missed you.Scene: The lobby.Sheldon: All right, say hello to your mother for me.Howard: Okay.Sheldon: What?Howard: You said you were going for a walk.Sheldon: I didn’t say outside.Howard:So what, you’re just gonna walk up and down the stairs?Sheldon: No, of course not. That would be odd and suspicious behavior.Woman’s voice: Here Bubbles. Here boy.Howard: Which way are you going?Sheldon: Which way are you going?Howard: I parked my scooter down the block.Sheldon:I’m going the other way. Bye.Howard: Bye. Actually, I’m this way. Do I smell hot dogs?Sheldon: No. I mean, I have no idea what you smell.Howard: I definitely smell raw hot dog.Sheldon:Perhaps you’re getting a brain tumour.Howard: All right, have a nice walk.Sheldon: I shall. Have a nice scoot.Howard: You might want to stand back. I’m sitting on top of 13 horses here.Sheldon: Oh. Hello, doggie. Nice doggie. I bet you think you smell hot dogs. Look, a cat!Scene: Penny’s apartment.Sheldon:(Knock, knock, knock) Penny, (knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Long pause, knock, knock, knock) Penny.(Penny opens door. A dishevelled Sheldon is holding up one hot dog.) Here. I had to trade the others for my life.Scene: The apartment.Raj: Hey, Leonard?Leonard: Yeah?Raj:I haven’t had sex in a year.Leonard: Where you going with this, Raj?Raj:Don’t flatter yourself, dude. I want to go out and meet a woman.Leonard: So, go.Raj: Well, I need a wingman. I don’t want to come off like a lonely loser.Leonard: And you think my presence will help with that?Raj: Well, I d o. Next to you, I’ll look like a catch.Leonard: I’m not going out tonight, Raj.Raj: All right. Would you mind if I went to your room and downloaded some Asian pornography? Leonard: Very much.Raj: Doesn’t have to be Asian.Leonard:Don’t worry. You’ll me et a girl someday.Raj:No, I won’t.Leonard: Yes, you will, and she’ll be beautiful, and kind and sexy and funny and everything you ever wanted in a woman.Raj: You really think so?Leonard: I do, and you’ll fall hopelessly in love and give her your heart. And she’ll take it and grind it into pathetic, little pieces.Raj:But we’ll have sex first, right?Scene: Penny’s apartment.Sheldon: Mmm, mmm, mmm. That’s Eye-talian.Penny: So, um, was Leonard okay with you coming over?Sheldon: Oh, yes. In fact, he said, I’m fine, I don’t care. And he in no way said it in a manner which would lead one to believe that he was covering up feelings of anguish and betrayal.Penny: Well, good.Sheldon:I’m also pleased to report that he’s all cried out over you.Penny: He’s been crying?Sheldon: Oh, I believe that was something else I wasn’t supposed to mention.Penny: Oh, God, I feel terrible.Sheldon: Do you have a stomach ache, too?Penny: No. Why, do you?Sheldon: No.Penny: Why did you ask if I had one, too?Sheldon: Just making polite dinner conversation. Your turn.Penny: All right. So, what’s new in your life?Sheldon: Well, my new shoes are not made for running.Penny: Have you been running?Sheldon:No. It’s just a suspicion I have. Mmm, mmm, mmm.Penny: I’m so gla d you like it.Sheldon: I do. Leonard never cooks for me.Penny:Well, maybe that’s ’cause Leonard can’t cook.Sheldon:You can’t cook and you made me this.Penny:Whatever. Ooh, I’m gonna get the cheesecake out of the fridge.Sheldon:Oh, Lord, I’m in Jew ish hell.Scene: The apartment.Raj:Look at this. Do you think she’s really doing that or is it PhotoShop?Leonard: I’m pretty sure Martha Stewart never got naked with a room full of big, fat Japanese guys.Raj:You don’t know that. Prison changes people.Leonard: Hey, where you been?Sheldon: I told you, walking.Leonard: For an hour and a half?Sheldon: I got lost.Leonard: How could you get lost? Your phone has GPS.Sheldon: Satellites are down. Solar flares.Raj: There are no solar flares right now.Sheldon: Yes, there are.Raj: Dude, I’m an astrophysicist. If there were solar flares, I’d be all up in it.Sheldon:I’m sorry. I misspoke. What I meant to say was my battery died.Leonard: What the hell was that about?Raj:I don’t know. Do you think this is really Hillary Clinton doing it with Oprah?Leonard: Oh, we really need to get you a girl.Scene: Leonard’s bedroom. Leonard is asleep.Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (knock, knock, knock) Leonard. Leonard: Oh, just come in!Sheldon: Thanks for seeing me on such short notice.Leonard: What do you want, Sheldon?Sheldon:Maybe this isn’t a good time.Leonard: Tell me why you woke me up or I swear to God I will kill you.Sheldon: Do you really think death threats are an appropriate way to begin this conversation? Sometimes your lack of social skills astonishes me.Leonard: What do you want?Sheldon: You may want to sit down.Leonard:I’m in bed!Sheldon: Point taken. You may want to sit up.Leonard: Sheldon!Sheldon:I’ve been seeing Penny behind your back.Leonard: Okay, when you say seeing Penny, what exactly does that mean?Sheldon: We had dinner last night. She made me spaghetti with little hot dogs cut up in it. Well, little hot dog. I gave up the other five hot dogs to a real dog. A real, big dog. A hell hound. Tangential to the primary story. How about I circle back to it?Leonard: Fine. Why did you have dinner with Penny?Sheldon: I told you, she made spaghetti with little hot dogs. I like spaghetti with little hot dogs.Leonard: Then why did you have Chinese food with us?Sheldon:I didn’t want to upset you. Howard made it very clear that my allegiance should be to male comrades before women who sell their bodies for money.Leonard: Is it possible he said Bros before Hos?Sheldon: Yes, but I rephrased it to avoid offending the hos.Leonard: Sheldon, I don’t care if you want to be friends with Penny.Sheldon: Oh. Well, so the emotional turmoil that’s been keeping me from achieving REM sleep was entirely unjustified?Leonard: Yes.Sheldon: Well then as my meemaw would say, looks like we butchered a pig, but nobody wanted bacon. Leonard: I guess not.Sheldon: And now, as promised, the tangent. Sheldon and the Hell Hound, or How I Lost My Hot Dogs.Scene: The laundry room.Penny: Oh, um, I, I can come back.Leonard: D-don’t be silly. We’re neighbours, we’re going to run into each other, may as well get used to it. Penny: Yeah, I guess you’re right.Leonard: You used to it yet?Penny: Nope.Leonard: Me neither. Oh, Sheldon seemed think that I would be upset about you hanging out with him. But I just want you to know it’s fine.Penny: Oh, oh, good, because, um, his mother called me.Leonard: His mother?Penny: Yeah, she wants me to take him shopping for sheets and towels.Leonard: I was going to do that.Penny: Oh, well, then you, you do it.Leonard:No, I don’t want to do it. You can do it.Penny: Okay, you can take him for shoes.Leonard: I just took him for shoes.Penny: Well, all I know is he says they hurt his feet.Leonard:Fine. I’ll take him for shoes next Saturday.Penny: Oh, no, no, no, a bunch of us from work are going to Disneyland next Saturday and Sheldon wants to come.Leonard: Y ou’re taking him to Disneyland?Penny: Well, he heard me making plans on the phone. Was I going to say no?Leonard:All right. But let me know if you’re going to stuff him with junk food. I don’t want to bring home a nice dinner for him and see it go to waste.Penny: We’re going to Disneyland. He’s going to eat junk food.Leonard: Al l I’m saying is give me a heads-up.Penny: Okay, whatever.Leonard:And don’t let him go on Space Mountain after he eats. He’ll say he can handle it, but I promise you’ll end up with churro puke on your shoes.Penny: All right, got it. Is there anything else?Leonard:Yeah, don’t let Goofy near him. He’ll have nightmares and I’ll have to deal with it.Penny: What’s the problem with Goofy?Leonard: Wish I knew. He’s fine with Pluto.Scene: The apartment.Raj: Hey, do you think the elastic woman in The Incredibles needs to use birth control or can she just be a diaphragm?Howard: Well, that’s it. We’re officially out of things to talk about.Penny:We’re home.Leonard: It’s ten o’clock, where have you been?Sheldon: We stayed for the California Adventure water show. It was pure Disney magic.Leonard: I was going to see that with him.Penny: How was I supposed to know that?Sheldon:It’s all right. I’ll see it again with you.Leonard: And I have food here. You said you were going to call.Penny: I know, I know.Sheldon: I can still eat.Penny: No, you already threw up once. Go put on your PJs and brush your teeth.Sheldon:Okay, but just don’t fightLeonard: We’re not fighting.Penny: Just go.Leonard: Aren’t you going to thank Penny for taking you to Disneylan d?Sheldon: Thank you, Penny.Penny:You’re welcome, sweetie.Leonard: Want a cup of coffee?Penny: Oh, um, I should probably get going.Leonard:Come on. It’s just a cup of coffee.Penny: Yep, okay.Howard (to Raj, who has whispered to him): Oh, yeah, the whole thing seems a little twisted to me, too. Leonard: What am I smelling?Penny: Sheldon’s churro on my shoes.Scene: Sheldon’s bedroom.Penny:He’s such an angel when he’s asleep.Leonard: Yeah. Shame he has to wake up.Penny: I think we can do it.Leonard:Smother Sheldon in his sleep? Wouldn’t that be wrong?Penny: No, be friends. You and me.Leonard: Oh. Sure. Absolutely.Penny:Good. I’m glad.Leonard: Here’s an idea. I’m just throwing it out there, friends who have sex. Penny: Good night, Leonard.Leonard:Kidding. Just a couple of friends goofin’ around.Sheldon(in his sleep): No, Goofy, no.。

目录第1集 (2)第2集 (13)第3集 (25)第4集 (36)第1集Previously on The Big Bang Theory... E01《生活大爆炸》前情提要I was offered a summer research fellowship at Princeton. 我得到了普林斯顿大学的夏季研究奖学金A fine institution. 很不错的大学The place where Albert Einstein taught, 阿尔伯特·爱因斯坦教过书的地方and where Leonard got his PhD, 莱纳德也是在那里拿到博士学位so it may have gone downhill.所以那学校可能没落了Gentlemen, you may remember Dr. Nowitzki. 各位还记得诺维茨基博士吗She's back at Caltech for her postdoc. 她又回来加州理工读博士后啦Question. are you seeking a romantic relationship withme?问一下你是想和我发展恋爱关系吗What if I were? 如果我是呢Well, that would raise a number of problems. 这会引起一系列的问题We're colleagues, I'm currently in a relation... 我们是同事我现在有女友Amy? Amy. 艾米艾米Amy? 艾米时至今日Will you marry me? 你愿意嫁给我吗One moment, please. 稍等我一下Really, you're going to answer that right now? 不是吧你真要现在接这电话吗It's Leonard. 是莱纳德打来I don't want to be rude. 我不想失礼嘛Hello? 你好Oh, hey, where you been? 你上哪去了We've been calling you for hours. 打你电话找你好久了Oh, I'm sorry, my phone was on "Airplane" Mode.抱歉我的手机之前在飞行模式Why? 为什么Because I was on an airplane. 因为我在飞机上"飞行"啊Hey, put him on speaker. 开公放Y eah. ‭H ey, where are you? 你去哪里了I came to Princeton to see Amy. 我来普林斯顿大学找艾米It's a funny story, actually.其实还挺有意思I was having lunch with Dr. Nowitzki,我当时在跟诺维茨基博士共进午餐and she kissed me. 然后她亲吻了我- Excuse me? - ‭W hat? -什么-啥I'm sorry? 你说什么And in that moment, I realized 在那一刻我意识到that Amy was the only woman I ever wanted to kiss 艾米才是我余生for the rest of my life. 唯一想亲吻的女人So I came to New Jersey to ask her to marry me. 所以我来新泽西跟她求婚Oh, that's so sweet. ‭你真是太甜了- Sheldon... - Y eah, although -谢尔顿... -不过呢there was one man whose blessing I needed first. 我的确是先去求得了某位男士的祝福I've thought about it, and I really want to spend 我想过了也的确想要the rest of my life with Amy. 与艾米共度余生Do I have your blessing? 你会祝福我吗Well, Sheldon... 谢尔顿...I think you should make her finger like Saturn 我觉得你应该将她的手指变成土星and put a ring on it. 再往她手指上套个土星"环"Y ou asked Stephen Hawking and not her father? 你去问了霍金博士而不是艾米父亲吗Stephen Hawking's a genius. 霍金博士是个天才If he said no, I wasn't gonna waste my time on her father. 如果他不支持我才不要浪费时间去问她爹But you did ask my father? 那你有问过我父亲吧I did. He said yes. 有他同意Although, not in a robot voice, so it wasn't nearly as cool. 但不是用机械人式语音说的所以没那么酷Okay. Oh, my God, I can't believe you guys areengaged.我的天啊真不敢相信你们订婚了We're not engaged, yet. 还没订上婚呢She's taking forever to answer. 她想了半天还不回答我Because you're on the phone! 因为你在讲电话We'll call you back. 我们稍后回电She said yes. 她同意了Y ay! ‭C ongratulations! 恭喜你们Mother, I have some good news to share. 母亲我有好消息与你分享We're engaged. 我们订婚啦I am so happy for you two, but I'm not surprised. 我真为你们开心但我一点都不惊讶I've been praying for this. 我为此事祈祷多时了Well, God had nothing to do with it. 这件事上帝没半点功劳It happened because I was kissing another woman, 完全是因为我跟别的女人接了吻and it made me realize I wanted to be with Amy. 令我意识到我想跟艾米共度余生More than one woman was interested in you? 超过一名女性对你有兴趣吗I might have prayed a little too hard. 我可能祈祷太猛了Wait, oh, and I just... 等等我想先...I want to let you know right now 我想现在就跟你说清楚that we are not getting married in a church. 我们不会在教堂里成婚That's all right, Sheldon.没关系谢尔顿Anywhere Jesus is is a church. 耶稣在哪哪便是教堂Well, he won't be at our wedding. 但他不会在我们婚礼上He's in my heart, so if I'm there, 他会在我心里所以只要我人在he'll be there. 他就在Okay, well, then, he's your plus-one. 行那他就是你带的伴Y ou don't get to bring anyone else. 你带人的名额就用完了That's fine. Love you. 没关系爱你Love you, too. Bye. 我也爱你再见Lord, thank you. 主啊谢谢您Even though you can do anything, 虽然您无所不能that was mighty impressive. 但这事真显出了您的无上威能We're engaged. 我们订婚了Oh, my God, that's amazing! 天啊太棒了Wait, uh, tell me everything.慢着快告诉我整个经过Well, Dr. Nowitzki was kissing me... 是这样的诺维茨基博士亲了我Okay, you can stop leading with that part of the story. 你可以别再用这事当故事开头了Well, congratulations. 恭喜你们啊I'm so happy for you two. 太为你们俩高兴了Hold on, I have to tell Bernadette.稍等我得告诉伯纳黛特Hey, Bernie, guess what? 妮妮你猜怎么着Sheldon and Amy got engaged. Can you believe it? 谢尔顿跟艾米订婚啦你敢信吗Oh, my God. I cannot believe it.天啊我真不敢相信She's so happy... I think she's crying. 她好像高兴到... 在喜极而泣啊Do you think Sheldon's gonna want 你觉得谢尔顿会想要办一场some weird Star Trek wedding? 怪胎的《星舰迷航》风婚礼吗I don't know. 我不知道Well, Leonard could barely finish the words 莱纳德当时想说"Doctor Who wedding cake" "《神秘博士》婚礼蛋糕"before I shut that down hard. 还没说完就被我狠狠拒绝Are you listening to me? 你有在听我说话吗Y eah, you're mean to Leonard. I heard you. 有啊你对莱纳德毫无人性我听到了Is everything okay? 你还好吗Look, I'm gonna tell you something, 我要告诉你一件事but you can't freak out, 但你不许惊慌失措because I'm already freaking out. 因为我已经很手足无措了Oh, my God, what is it? 天啊什么事I'm pregnant again. 我又怀孕了Wha... 什...Interesting. 有点儿意思Howard's gonna lose his mind. 霍华德要是知道会疯的Wait, you haven't told him yet? 慢着你还没告诉他吗No. 没有Y ou told me first? Oh, Bernie! 你先告诉了我妮妮小亲亲This wasn't supposed to happen-- we were careful. 这事不应该啊我们很小心的Y eah, I didn't even think you could get pregnant 对啊我本来还以为哺乳期内while you were breastfeeding. 女人是不会怀孕的呢Well, guess what? Y ou can. 结果呢老娘就怀了Okay, look, look, this is a good thing. 好吧听着这是桩好事Halley's gonna have a little brother 这样哈雷就会有个弟弟or sister to play with. 或者妹妹陪她玩了I guess that would be pretty cute. 我想那应该是会挺有爱And, you, know, I was a surprise to my parents, 你知道吗我也是我爸妈的意外之喜and my dad said it was the best thing 我爸说我是发生在他们身上that ever happened to them. 最美好的事Okay. Maybe this baby actually is a blessing. 好吧也许这个宝宝是上天的恩赐Oh, my God, honey, of course it is. 天啊亲爱的当然了How am I pregnant again? 我怎么会又怀上了呢Y eah, what were you thinking? 对啊你搞什么鬼啊All right, I'm all checked in to my flight. 机票确认好了Well, I'm sad you're leaving.你要走了我好难过Why'd you only book a flight for one day? 为什么你订当天来回呢I came here to propose. 我来是为了求婚If you'd said no, I wouldn't want to stick around 要是你拒绝我我可不想looking at your stupid face. 留下来看着你的蠢样Now, mind you, your face is only stupid 是这样的只有你拒绝我的情况下in the "No" version of the story. 你才会是一脸蠢样But I said yes, so I get a lifetime of this. 但我答应了能享用一辈子的你这货Y es, you do, smart face. 是啊机灵鬼Why don't you stay a few extra days? 不如你多待几天吧Well, I don't have any other clothes. 我没带别的衣服We'll get you some. 我们可以去买Oh, I don't know, I'm pretty particular. 不要了吧我这个人很挑的离这儿不到1600米的地方有家漫画店Well, there's a comic book store less than a mile fromhere.Perfect, let's go shopping. 棒买买买对了我今晚要跟同事共进晚餐Oh, um, and I'm having dinner with some colleaguestonight.I'm sure they'd love to meet you. 他们会很高兴见到你的Come on, what do you say? 来嘛好不好A w, you're nagging me. 你开始跟我唠唠叨叨了It's like we're already married. 感觉我们已经结婚了似的Is that a yes or a no? 那到底好不好嘛Geez, save some for the honeymoon. 天啊留点力等蜜月了再叨逼叨吧Look at Nowitzki over there. 瞧那是诺维茨基I can't believe she tried to steal 不敢相信她想从艾米身边Sheldon from Amy. 抢走谢尔顿Y ou know what? 瞧好了I'm gonna go there and tell her that they're engaged now 我要过去告诉她他们订婚了and that her little plan didn't work. 她的小把戏落空了Because you're sticking up for Sheldon, 这是因为你想维护谢尔顿or because you're still mad she rejected you? 还是因为你还在气她拒绝了你Too far away, can't hear you. 距离太远听不到你在讲什么Hello, Ramona. 你好拉蒙娜Hello. 你好Why are you sitting by yourself? 怎么独自一人坐在这呢Oh, that's right, 我知道了Sheldon's in New Jersey being engaged to Amy. 谢尔顿在新泽西他和艾米订婚了I heard. 我听说了Now that Sheldon's out of the picture, 现在谢尔顿闪边去了I could give you one more chance to go out with me. 我可以再给你个机会跟我约会Nope, I'm good. 谢邀不用了Y ou sure? 你确定吗I will not ask again. 小爷可不会再问第二次I sincerely hope not. 我真心希望你不会再问了V ery well. 行吧I'm going to leave before this gets awkward. 那在气氛变尴尬之前我先撤了Want me to make dinner? 要我做晚饭吗Uh, sure, but first, why don't you have a seat? 好啊不过你能先坐下来吗There's something I need to show you. 我有东西给你看Ooh, if it's how to make dinner, that'd be great. 是晚饭教程的话就完美了Is this a... pregnancy test? 这是... 验孕棒吗Y es. 是的That means... positive? 这表示... 阳性吗Y es. 是的No. 不是吧Y es. 是的N-- No. 不不是Y es. 是的No! 别啊How could this even happen? 这怎么可能发生呢Uh, w-- we were careful. 我们这么小心- Well, it did. - ‭N o! -就是发生了-不可能-Y es! Y es! - ‭N o! No! -我不能接受-接受现实吧Okay! Okay! Okay! 好吧好吧行吧Well, w-what are we gonna do? 那我们该怎么办What do you mean what are we gonna do? 什么叫"我们该怎么办"We're gonna have another baby. 我们又要生一个宝宝了- No! No! ‭- Stop that! -不不-别叫了‭- Y es! - No, I'm trying! -就是怀了-我也在试着不叫啊Look, I know it's scary, but... 我知道这感觉很可怕但是we're both responsible adults, we can do this. 我们都是可靠成年人我们能行Y ou really think so? 你真这么想吗No! 不- Hey, Stuart. - ‭O h, hey, Raj. -你好斯图尔特-你好拉杰What can I help you with? 有什么能帮到你的I need to buy an engagement gift. 我要买一份订婚礼物Well, you came to the wrong place. 那你来错地方了It's for Sheldon and Amy. 是送给谢尔顿和艾米的- No way! They're engaged? - ‭Y eah. -不是吧他们订婚了-是的Well, that's exciting news. 真是个令人激动的好消息Who would've thought Sheldon and Amy would be thenext two谁能想到谢尔顿和艾米会是下一对to tie the knot? 喜结连理的呢Tell me about it. I'm the one 可不是嘛我才是那个who caught the bouquet at Leonard and Penny'swedding.在莱纳德和佩妮婚礼上接到捧花的人通常是女生抢捧花\N抢到捧花的人会延续幸福/最快下一个结婚Okay. 好吧Uh... you know, 我看看they might like this. 他们可能会喜欢这个Superman and Wonder Woman, it's kind of romantic. 超人和神奇女侠挺浪漫的Y ou know what? 其实呢Why am I buying them a gift? 我干嘛给他们买礼物They have love. 他们已经拥有爱了Screw them and their happiness. 幸福脱单的都去死吧What do you have for someone who's bitter and alone? 你有没有适合苦逼单身狗的东西Literally everything. 全部都是Sheldon, these are the heads of my research team. 谢尔顿这两位是我研究小组的领导- Oh, hello. - Dr. Zane, Dr. Harris, -你好-赞恩博士哈里斯博士this is my fiancé, Dr. Sheldon Cooper. 这是我未婚夫谢尔顿·库珀博士That's the first time I've said that 我第一次这样叫他and it kind of gave me the goose bumps. 我都荡漾得起鸡皮疙瘩了Dr. Cooper, 库珀博士we are so excited to meet you. 很高兴能见到你Well, that's very kind of you. 太客气了If you'd like, I could autograph your menus after dinner, yeah? 想要的话饭后我可以在你们的菜单上签名But I better not see those on eBay. 但最好别让我发现你们拿去网上拍卖No, no, no, we're just excited to meet the man 不不我们只是很开心能见到who landed this brilliant woman here. 赢得这位才华横溢女士的男人That wasn't hard, 那一点都不难she threw herself at me. 是她倒贴我的Now, getting the universe to show me its naughty bits, 但要让宇宙向我展露"私密"that-that took some doing. 那才需要费一番功夫Sheldon's a physicist. 谢尔顿是物理学家‭O h, that's nice. 挺不错啊Amy, I recently read your paper on lesions 艾米我最近读了你in the olfactory receptors in the brain. 关于嗅觉受体损伤的论文It was inspired. 非常富有创见Oh, well, I guess it didn't stink. 看来水平不算太臭But if it did, that rat wouldn't have known it. 但即使臭了那只老鼠也闻不到‭I'm sorry, 抱歉I'm sure you don't want to sit here 你肯定不想坐在这儿and listen to a bunch of work talk. 听我们聊工作Oh, no, I love it. 不我很喜欢No, but let's talk about work. 我们来聊工作吧Amy's work, my work. 艾米的工作我的工作Y eah, why don't we start with my work? 不如就先聊我的工作吧Actually, I do have a question for Dr. Cooper. 我还真有个问题想问库珀博士When Amy first told you about her approach to synaptic tracing, 艾米首次告诉你她对突触追踪的切入点时did you think it was gonna revolutionize the field? 你有意料到会给这个领域带来巨大变革吗Really? 不是吧That's your question? 你要问的就是这个吗What are you, Entertainment Tonight? 怎么你是综艺节目《今夜娱乐》的人吗Y ou know what? 这样吧Let me give you a better question. Here, 我来给你提供一个更好的问题听着um, "Dr. Cooper, "库珀博士I heard you were working on a top-secret project 听说你正在为美国军方for the U.S. Military. 研究一个机密项目Why don't you tell us about that?" 不如跟我们说说这个吧"See, that's a great question. 这才是个好问题Okay, what was that like? 好吧那项目怎么样Oh, I can't tell you that, it's top-secret. 我不能告诉你那可是最高机密Boy, that was exhausting. 刚才好心累Y ou know, no offense, but your colleagues were prettyrude.无意冒犯但你的同事很无礼Really, they were rude? 是吗是他们无礼吗Y es. 是啊They just kept talking about you and how great you are, 他们只会一直说你的事说你有多了不起no matter how many times I brought me up. 完全无视我多次提起我自己Y ou know, these are my colleagues他们是我的同事and they want to talk about my work. 想谈论我的工作成果Why does that bother you so much? 这有什么好让你不爽的Because I was there. 因为我也在场啊It's like having Optimus Prime over to dinner 就像请《变形金刚》的擎天柱来吃饭and not asking him to turn into a truck. 却不叫他变身卡车一样Y ou know what, Sheldon? 你知道吗谢尔顿Y ou're not always the smartest person in every room. 你并非永远都是房间里最聪明的人Y ou may not even be the smartest person in this room. 你很可能都不是这房间里最聪明的人Oh, I am sorry. 不好意思What, is Neil deGrasse Tyson hiding behind the couch? 难道尼尔·德格拉塞·泰森躲在沙发后面吗著名天体物理学家'Cause if he is, he's not that smart, 如果真是也只证明了他也没多聪明it's pretty dusty back there. 因为后面挺多灰的Hey, where are you going? 你要去哪里I'm storming off to my room. 我要气冲冲地回我的房间Well, then where am I supposed to storm off to? 那我能气冲冲地走去哪儿Well, you're so smart, why don't you figure it out? 你那么聪明怎么不自己想Is there another bedroom? 还有其他卧室吗Perhaps a-a den? 或者小房间之类的So, how are you guys doing with all the new 你们对你子宫里那个新事件events in your womb? 适应得怎么样Good, you know? 挺好的Obviously, it was a surprise. 显然这是个意外惊喜There was some crying and some yelling.发生了一些哭泣和争吵Some suggestion of make-up sex that did not go overwell,有些打和好炮的提议被拒绝了even though it's not like we can get more pregnant. 即使我们并不会怀上加怀But then we realized that it's a gift, in the sense 但我们意识到这是一份礼物that we didn't ask for it, 虽然我们没有主动要求and we may not have chosen it... 也没有主动选择And we already have one. 而且我们已经有一个了Y ou know, whenever I find a top I like, 每当我买到喜欢的衣服I always go back and get a second one in a differentcolor.就会回去再买一件同款不同色的Which I hope is not the case with your baby. 希望你们的宝宝不会是不同色I know you guys are freaked out, but you're great parents, 我知道你们吓坏了但你们是很好的父母and if you ever need help, we are here for you. 你们如果需要帮忙我们随时都在Y eah, anything at all, just ask. 是啊不管什么忙开口就是了Ooh, you know what you could do? 你知道你们能做什么吗Y ou could have a baby, too. 你们可以也生个宝宝I'm sorry, what? 不好意思你说什么No, that's a great idea, we could go through it together. 真是个好主意我们可以一起经历这个过程Wouldn't that be fun? 那一定会很好玩对吧Y ou guys were just saying 你们刚刚才在说how freaked out and miserable you are. 你们有多害怕多凄惨I say a lot of crazy things. 我经常说疯话I'm pregnant and hormonal. 毕竟我怀孕了体内激素发生变化Do it! Have a baby, do it! 快点生个宝宝干起来Come on, it'd be so cute, our kids playing together? 那画面超级萌我们的孩子在一起玩耍What do you say, why don't you two hit the old mattress 怎么样你们俩快去把床单滚起and whip up a family? 赶紧搞出个娃娃来Okay, we're not gonna have a baby 我们才不会为了让你们开心just to make you guys feel better. 就赶紧生孩子呢Y eah, if we're gonna have a baby it's gonna be when we are ready, 想让我俩生孩子除非是我们准备好了or when I'm certain Penny is gonna leave me. 或者我确定佩妮要抛弃我了Exactly. 没错They're my friends, and I should be happy for them. 他们都是我的朋友我应该为他们高兴A-And I'm trying, 我也努力过了but all I feel is this gnawing, empty sensation in my gut. 但我只感到满腹纠结和莫名的空虚I had that once. 我也曾有过这种感觉Turned out it was a tapeworm. 后来发现是我肚子长了绦虫Cool. Uh... 好吧...It's just...it's hard talking to my other friends about this, 只是... 这种事很难跟其他朋友聊but I knew you would understand. 但我想你可以理解我Why is that? 为什么Because you and I are both alone, 因为你和我都是单身狗which is actually kind of comforting, 想想还真是抚慰人心because at least we can be alone together. 至少我们单着的路上有个伴Mm. This is-this is awkward. 这真是太尴尬了I, um, I was actually gonna close up a little early tonight 我今晚本来打算提早关店'cause I have a date. 因为我要去约会Really? 真的吗Y eah. 真的Forgive me if I'm having trouble being happy for you. 请原谅我无法为你感到开心Don't be silly, I'm loving your pain. 傻瓜痛在你身乐在我心Is this how our marriage is going to be? 这会是我俩结婚以后的状态吗Sometimes people will be more interested 有时候人们会更愿意和她说话in talking to her than to me? 而不是和我说话吗Are you sitting in a bathroom? 你现在人在厕所吗Y es. 是的I needed a place to storm off to 我需要一个能让我摔门冲入的地方and it was all that was available.这里是唯一可以的地方Fine. 好吧But if I hear a flush, this conversation is over. 但如果有冲马桶的声音谈话就结束了Those people were in the presence of a world-classmind,这些人都有着世界级水准的智慧and all they wanted to talk about was their ownnonsense.而他们却只想聊那些无聊废话Can you see the irony in that statement? 你能听出其中的讽刺意味吗How about now? 听出来没How about now? 现在呢I'll wait. 我会等待的Surprise. 惊喜Oh, crap, is it our anniversary? 糟了今天是我们的纪念日吗No. Wait. 不等一下No. No. 不不是All right, so what are we celebrating? 好吧那我们到底是庆祝什么事Well, you know, Bernadette and Howard are pregnantagain,你知道博纳黛特和霍华德又怀孕了and Amy and Sheldon are getting married.艾米和谢尔顿也要结婚了I didn't want you to feel left out. 我不想让你感到受冷落Ah. Left out? 什么受冷落吗Well, Bernadette has to grow a baby inside of her, 博纳黛特肚子里要长一个小宝宝and Amy has to marry one. 艾米马上要嫁给另一个小宝宝My life is great. 我的人生非常圆满So do you not want the cake? 所以你不想吃这蛋糕了吗Try and take it away, see what happens. 你把它端走试试看你怎么死Oh, crap, it is our anniversary. 糟了今天真是我们结婚纪念日Happy anniversary! 结婚纪念日快乐Amy. 艾米There's something I need to say to you. 有些事我要告诉你I'm listening. 我听着呢I've been thinking about the A vengers. 我一直在想复仇者联盟I believe that. 我相信But I don't think that's something you needed to say tome.但我觉得这没什么好跟我说的I realized that Iron Man is great. 我意识到钢铁侠超屌And also, that Captain America is great. 但同时美国队长也很不错And sometimes, Iron Man is in a Captain America movie, 有时钢铁侠还会出现在美国队长的电影里and he's not mad it's not an Iron Man movie. 他也不会因为这不是钢铁侠电影而生气Y ou know, he can fly in, give the audience a thrill, 他只是帅气飞来让观众热血沸腾and then fly away. 然后再霸气飞走And that should've been me tonight. 我今夜就应该那么做I should've been the delightful cameo in your movie. 我应该当你电影中的讨喜配角Thank you, Sheldon. 谢谢你谢尔顿Instead, I was like the Hulk, and I... 相反的我表现得像暴怒的绿巨人一样...Okay, please stop talking about the A vengers. 够了请不要再提复仇者联盟了Anyway. 总而言之I'm proud of you. 我为你骄傲And I'm going to try to do a better job 我以后会尽量学习分享目光焦点of sharing the spotlight because we're a team. 因为我们是同一个队的Y ou know? Much like t-the Dodgers. 你懂吗我们就像是棒球道奇队的球员If they had superpowers, and fought crime. 如果他们有超能力会打击犯罪And Thor was in them. 而且雷神索尔也在里面Sheldon, I know this isn't easy, 谢尔顿我知道这很不容易but you'll have a whole lifetime to practice. 但你会有一辈子来慢慢练习I-It could take that long, I'm really bad at it. 也许真的需要这么久我对此非常不在行Y ou know, maybe, um, 也许...I should start right now, and go back to Pasadena 我该从现在开始赶紧回帕萨迪纳and let you have this experience to yourself. 让你好好享受这一切Y ou just want to go back 你就是想回到那个'cause that's where everybody makes a fuss over you. 大家都稀罕你的地方吧Y ou know, your colleagues are right, you are brilliant. 你的同事说得对你真是冰雪聪明3个月后Hello. 你们好呀‭H e y. ‭A my, welcome back. 艾米欢迎回来Oh, l-let me see the ring. 让我看看订婚戒指Ooh, nice. 美死了H-Hey, her eyes are up there. 喂喂别乱看呀I-Is that the woman who kissed Sheldon? 那就是亲了谢尔顿的女人吗- Uh... Could be. - Hard to say. Tell us about Princeton. -有可能-很难说跟我们说说普林斯顿的事Excuse me for a minute. 等我一下Not-- well, we'll catch up later. 不我们待会再聊吧This is going to be the biggest smackdown 这将是自从我的阿姨在家族聚会上since my Aunt Noopur showed up at the family reunion 和我•表姐穿了同样的沙丽之后wearing the same sari as my cousin Sruti. 最大的一次撕逼大战了Dr. Nowitzki? 诺维茨基博士Dr. Fowler. Um, hello. 福勒博士你好Thank you. Thank you so much. 谢谢我衷心谢谢你全家第2集Maybe you should offer it to the pregnant lady. E02或许你该让给怀孕的那位女士And that would be... 那位女士是...Me, Sheldon. 我啊谢尔顿I'm obviously pregnant. 我孕相多明显啊Well, you never said it to my face. 因为你还没当面跟我说过And the last time I assumed a woman was pregnant, 我上一次想当然地认为一名女士怀孕时it did not go over well.结果还挺糟糕的Y eah, I'm still mad at you. 是的我还在生你气呢Y ou were drinking water instead of wine. 你这酒鬼当时居然在喝白开水What was I supposed to think? 我这么想有错吗Sheldon's right. 谢尔顿说得对I would never ask a woman if she was pregnant, 我永远不会问一个女士是不是怀孕unless she tells me or I see a human being 除非是她告诉我或是我看到有人类wiggling out of her. 从她下面被拉出来Well, Sheldon, I'm pregnant. 谢尔顿我怀孕了Congratulations. How far along are you? 恭喜你啊怀孕多久了About three months. 大概三个月吧Only three? 才三个月吗Good gravy, how many babies are in there? 天啊你肚子里是装的是几胞胎啊Okay, let's talk about something 够啦咱们来聊一些that won't infuriate my pregnant wife. 不会让我的孕妻暴怒的话题吧I read an interesting fact about elephants. 我读了一个有关大象的有趣知识Try again. 再换一个Oh, I've got something. 我想到啦I'm being interviewed on public radio this Friday. 这周五我要接受电台访谈啦Oh, cool. How come? 厉害为什么呢Uh, the university is trying to get more funding 大学希望物理系能获得for the physics department, 更多研究资金so they want me to go out and talk it up. 所以就派我出马啊Really? Y ou? 真的吗派你啊Well, they picked the right person for the job. 那他们还真是请对人了Thank you. 真是谢谢啊I think he bought it. 我觉得他信了Hi, I'm Ira Flatow, and this is Science Friday. 欢迎收听《科学星期五》我是艾拉·菲莱知名电台主持人曾在第本剧7季第10集客串过Joining me today is my guest physicist, Dr. Leonard 今天的嘉宾是物理学家莱纳德·霍夫Hofstadter, 斯塔德to talk about all of the exciting research 他要来跟我们聊他在加州理工they're doing at Cal Tech. 所做的那些激动人心的研究Thank you for having me. Whoa... 感谢贵节目给我这个机会...Could never get used to hearing myself in headphones. 还是没办法习惯在耳机里听到自己的声音Is that really how I sound? 我的声音听起来真是这样吗It is. It is. 是的真是That is good to know. 很高兴知道这点I told him his voice was annoying. 我跟他说过他的声音很惹人厌He didn't want to listen. 他就是不听Hey. 喂Y ou're saying it's not? 难道你觉得不烦人吗Just... hey. 就... 喂...So, it has been five years 所以打从五年前since the discovery of the Higgs boson-- 希格斯玻色子被证实存在后what's the next big thing gonna be? 您觉得下一个科学界大事是什么Wow, that's hard to say. 这很难说啊There's so much going on. 有太多大事在发生了We've been collecting tons of data 我们一直在搜集大量的数据that could revolutionize the way we understand the universe. 而这数据有可能颠覆我们对宇宙的理解For instance, there's a particle called a squark, 比如说有个粒子叫超对称性夸克which could prove supersymmetry. 它能证明超对称性That is interesting. Have you found it? 有意思那你们找到了吗- What, the squark? - Y es. -什么那个夸克吗-对啊No, no. 没还没Wouldn't that be exciting? 找到了就神作了But we're also looking for the selectron, 但我们也在试着找出超电子the gluino and the neutralino.胶微子与超中微子都是理论物理学家提出的物理模型中假想的一些粒子\N基本没有切实的实验依据很可能并不存在- Well, and have you found that? - No. -那找到那些了吗-没有Another fun sidenote-- 插个有趣小故事I went to high school with a girl named Theresa Gluino,我我有个高中同学名叫特丽莎·胶微子but it didn't cost $2 billion to find her. 但要找到她并不需要花二十亿She was smoking behind the gym. 她总躲在体育馆后面抽着烟So, what have you found? 那你们发现了什么Uh, nothing, actually.其实什么都没发现Should he be saying that? 他可以说这话吗Uh, probably not. 应该不可以。

目录第13集 (2)第14集 (13)第15集 (23)第16集 (35)第13集Hey! Look what I got everybody. E013看看我给大家带什么来了Newspapers? 报纸吗Did you find a portal back to the 1990s? 你是找到回90年代的传送门了吗No. If he had that, he'd be trying to prevent NSYNC 不是如果他有这能耐早就回去阻止from breaking up. 超级男孩的解散了Oh, please. I'm glad they broke up. 拜托我很庆幸他们解散了Otherwise, Justin would never have brought sexy back. 不然成员贾斯丁就不会让"性感回归[作品]"了One thing you can't get on an iPad, 有一种平板电脑没有的东西the smell of ink and paper. 墨水和纸张的味道One more reason iPads are better. 又多了一个平板电脑更好的理由They reviewed my planetarium show. 他们评论了我的天文台节目Y eah. It's on page three of the Arts and Leisure section. 就在艺术与休闲版的第三页Oh, look, they still have Far Side. 看居然还有刊登知名讽刺漫画《远端》Oh, I don't get that one. 这个笑话我没懂Oh, he's pushing when he should be pulling. 他应该是要拉而不是推I don't think he belongs in that gifted school, then. 那我觉得他不应该去上那家天才学校- What are you doing? - Making a boat. -你在干嘛-折纸船When I was a kid, my dad showed me how. 我小时候我爸教我折的Boy, you'll do anything to avoid reading.天啊为了逃避阅读你真是花样百出Guys, it's under "Things to do this weekend." 各位是在"周末可做的活动"栏位里I can't find it. What does it say? 我找不到啊写了什么That it's a thing to do this weekend. 说值得周末去看一下That's great, Raj. Congratulations. 很棒啊拉杰恭喜你啊Y ou know, while we're bragging, 趁着在互相显摆The Journal of Prosthetic Medicine 《假体医学期刊》报道了我跟霍华德一起合作的项目呢just wrote up the project that Howard and I areworking on.Well, you didn't tell me that. 你没跟我说过啊Oh, it just came out. It's just a little blurb. 才刚出啦就一小段而已Oh, well, good for you. 恭喜你啊Y ou know, Bert and I have started isolating zircons 我跟伯特也开始了从陨石中from meteorites for our dark matter search. 孤立出皓石来进行暗物质的研究Oh. Well, how nice. 很棒啊Everyone's doing impressive work. 大家最近的工作都好棒棒啊What have you been working on these days? 那你最近都在做些什么研究呢Whoa, whoa. Where'd that come from? 哎哟喂这一枪是从哪打来的Where did what come from? 什么枪是哪里打来I try to be supportive, 我尽量地支持大家and you break out the hot lights and the rubber hose. 你却直接对我严刑逼供I just asked what you've been working on. 我只是问了你最近在研究什么Oh, my God, let it go. 要命了别问了好吗Do you believe this guy? 你看这人I did it! 我成功啦See? It's a... it's a boat. 看到没是一艘船It's also a hat. 还是一顶帽子呢Okay, how do you want to play this? 来吧你想怎么来Do you want to pretend like nothing's bothering you 是假装你没有任何烦心事and blow up later, or do you just want to be 然后之后突然爆发还是你干脆一点a maniac right now? 现在就开始发疯Nothing is bothering me. 我没有烦心事啊Fine. Be that way. 行那就这么着If you want to talk, I'll be flushing my sinuses. 但如果你想聊我就在旁边洗鼻子Wait. 等等I have a confession. 我有件事想坦白When I berated Leonard, 当我怒斥莱纳德时it was a clever ruse to conceal the fact 其实那是我巧妙地掩盖that I'm not working on anything. 我最近屁事儿都没干的烟幕弹Well, I think I speak for everyone 我觉得我的话能代表大家的心声when I say, "No!" 那就是"真的假的"The truth is I have nothing of interest to pursue. 其实我最近没有任何感兴趣的项目Well, maybe this is the perfect opportunity 或许现在是个很棒的机会to take some time for yourself and refocus. 来沉淀自己重新找到方向I'm sure you'll find something you're excited about. 我相信你一定能找到你感兴趣的研究方向Thank you, Amy. 谢谢你艾米I don't know what I'd do without you. 没有你我真不知道该怎么办Hey, can I stay here? Sheldon kicked me out. 我能待在这里吗谢尔顿把我踢出来了Well, is everything okay? 没事吧Y eah. He just wants some alone time to work. 没事啦他只是想独处做些工作Fine. Make yourself at home. 那好当自己家吧Y eah. We were just about to watch a little TV. 对啊我们正打算看点电视节目Y ou're welcome to join us. 欢迎你跟我们一起看啊Thanks. I'll be right with you. 谢谢我马上过来看I just have to, uh, do my neti pot. 等我先洗一下鼻子就行So what are you guys gonna watch? 你们打算看什么呢Okay. 好了你觉得我们开场应该用哪首歌Hey, uh, what do you think we should open our showwith?Uh, "Thor and Doctor Jones" "雷神索尔与博士琼斯"or "Let's Get Astrophysical"? 还是"更太空物理[亲密]点吧"I don't know. I think we should start with something 不知道了我觉得开场应该用that gets them up on their feet. 会让他们站起来的热血歌曲Maybe "Sherlock Around the Clock." 或许"马不停蹄夏洛克"吧Great, yeah. Uh, let's give it a try. 不错有道理来试试Halley's napping! Keep it down! 哈雷在午睡小声点Oh. Right. Sorry. 好对不起It's cool. We don't need volume to rock. 没事我们摇滚不靠大声Instead of blowing the roof off this place, 不用把屋顶嗨到掀飞we can gently lift it off 我们就温柔地举起屋顶and set it quietly down in the backyard. 再轻轻将它放到后院Okay. 好One, two, three, four. 一二三四♪Holmes said to Watson ♪♪福尔摩斯对华生说话♪♪On Baker Street ♪♪在他们贝克街♪♪Come on, Doctor ♪♪出发吧医生♪♪Time to move them feet ♪♪是时候该出发了♪Sing it with us. 跟我们一起唱♪Sherlock, Sherlock ♪♪夏洛克夏洛克♪♪Sherlock around the clock ♪♪马不停蹄夏洛克♪We can't hear you. 再唱大声点♪Sherlock, Sherlock ♪♪夏洛克夏洛克♪♪Sherlock around the clock ♪♪马不停蹄夏洛克♪Nice going. 干得漂亮啊Sorry. Sorry. I'll get her. 对不起抱歉我去哄她One sec. 稍等Y ou bought diapers, right? 你买尿布了对吧Be right back. 马上回来Rock and roll! 摇滚万岁Okay. Scratch paper, check. 好的草稿纸有了Whiteboard, check. 白板有了Chex Mix, check. 综合零嘴有了And here we go. 正式开始Oh, dang it. 靠Hello, Mother. 你好啊妈妈Hi there, Shelly. Y ou will never believe 你好啊谢利你绝对想不到who I ran into at the barbecue festival. 烧烤节上我遇见谁了I am right in the middle of some very important work. 我正忙着很重要的工作呢I don't have time for this right now. 我现在没空聊这些有的没的Then why did you answer the phone? 那你为什么接我电话Because you raised me to be polite.因为你教育我做人要有礼貌Now stop bothering me. 不要再干扰我了Hello again. 再次问好Who did you see at the barbecue festival? 你在烧烤节上遇到谁了Mr. Watkins. 沃特金斯先生Really? 不是吧Y ou called me and interrupted my work to tell me 你在我工作到一半的时候打电话干扰我that you ran into somebody you could plausibly run into? 就为了这个你本来就有可能遇到的人吗I'm sorry, Mother, I really need to focus here. 对不起妈我真的得专心工作了I will speak to you next week. 我下周再跟您联系Okay, sweetheart. I'll talk to you then. 好亲爱的我们下周聊I thought Mr. Watkins moved to Florida.沃特金斯先生不是搬去佛罗里达了吗He did. He was back visiting his son. 是啊他回来看他儿子Oh, gosh darn it, that is interesting. 要亲命了还真是有趣Was it Tommy or Joe? 是看汤米还是看乔I bet it was Joe, 'cause he and Tommy had a falling out 应该是看乔吧他跟汤米因为over that time-share. 分时度假的事闹了不愉快Y ou guys do anything fun after dinner? 你们昨天晚餐后有做什么好玩的事吗Well, actually Amy came back over and we hung out. 艾米后来又回我家我们一起玩了Did you know that we're both spelling bee champs? 你知道我们都曾是拼字比赛冠军吗We stayed up for hours trying to stump each other. 我们熬了好几个小时试图打败对方Who won? 谁赢了Oh, she thought she had me with "Appoggiatura," 她以为她能用花音[装饰音的一种]打败我but I shut that down expeditiously.但我以迅雷不及掩耳之势灭了她E-x-p-e-d-i-t-i-o-u-s-l-y. 卂辶雨田不及扌奄耳之执力Expeditiously. 迅雷不及掩耳之势I bet that made Penny take off all of her clothes. 我猜你"威猛"的样子让佩妮宽衣解带Put her pajamas on and then go to bed early. 再换上睡衣早早睡觉去了吧At, like, 9:00. 对啊九点就去睡了Oh, are we still on for band practice this evening? 我们今晚还练团吗Oh, shoot. 我靠I promised I would take Halley over to Bernadette'sparents.我答应了带哈雷去我岳父岳母家- Dude, the gig is, like, next weekend. - I know. -兄弟表演就在这周末呢-我知道I'm sorry. I really want to do this, 对不起我真的很想好好演出but I just don't think I have the time. 但我好像真的没有时间Okay. I-I guess I'll have to cancel. 好吧那我可能只能取消演出了Toby Greenbaum will have to become a man without us. 托比·格林鲍姆不能在我们的加持下长大了Too bad, you guys kill at bar mitzvahs. 太可惜了你们可是成年礼之王啊And other events that people can't leave. 在其他观众不能随便走的活动也是一霸I don't want to be the one who breaks up the band. 我不想成为拆散乐队的人Y ou know, maybe you should... 但或许你应该...think about replacing me. 想想找谁来代替我- Okay. - I mean, -好啊-我意思是I know it'll be hard since we... 我知道这很难因为我们...Oh, I bet Bert could do it. He plays guitar.我觉得伯特能行他会弹吉他I'm gonna go ask him. 我去问问他I guess he forgot that I play the cello.我猜他忘了我会拉大提琴I-I don't think he did. 我觉得他并没有忘Okay, I think it's ready. 好了我觉得已经准备就绪Should we put on safety goggles? 我们要戴护目镜吗Well, the funnest fun is the safest fun, so yes. 最安全的乐子就是最有趣的乐子当然戴Oh, Amy, you're here... again. 艾米你又... 返场啦Y eah, Sheldon said he needed another night to work, 谢尔顿说他需要再多一晚独处工作so I said I'd give him some space. 所以我就说那我给他空间So what's all this? 这是在干嘛Well, Amy and I were talking about old science fair projects, 我跟艾米在聊以前做过的科学展览报告and how fun it would be to recreate them. 然后就想到重新做一次会多有意思We're making hot ice. 我们要做热冰It's pretty cool. 很酷[冷]Nice one. 好哏Turns out we both did this 我们发现我们两人as our science fair projects in ninth grade. 都为九年级的科学展览报告做了这个Do you remember any of your high school projects? 你还记得你高中时期做过什么吗Uh, well, I remember telling Jenny Runyon 我还记得跟珍妮·鲁尼恩说that I would teach her how to flirt with boys 我愿意教她怎么勾引男生if she put my name on her project. 只要她在科学报告上写我名字就行I got an "A," She got pregnant. 我喜获了"A" 她喜获麟儿Girls like you are why I had to come straight homeafter school.你这样的女孩害我放学得立刻回家Check this out. 看好了Look at that. 我看看Wow, that's amazing. 这好厉害啊The crystallization is an exothermic process, 它的结晶是一种放热过程so the ice is actually hot. 所以这个冰是热的- I won first place for this. - So did I. -这作品让我得了第一-我也是I threw Jenny's baby shower. 我为珍妮举办了迎婴派对Oh, hey, in seventh grade, 七年级的时候I built a cobra wave. Y ou want to do that? 我做了眼镜蛇波你想来做这个吗Oh, we can come up with a wave speed formula, 我们可以想出波速公式and see how accurately we can predict the amplitude. 看看我们能多精准地预测它的振幅Wow, I didn't think anything could top 哇我还以为昨晚的last night's spelling bee, but here comes math. 拼字大赛已经登峰造极但数学更高一筹啊I'm sorry, we-we don't have to do more experiments. 抱歉我们可以不继续做实验Let's do something we can all enjoy. 来做点我们大家都喜欢做的事吧Hey, uh, you want to watch that show you like 你想来看你喜欢的那个节目where people want to buy a house and then they do? 就是有人想买房子然后就去买了的节目吗No, no, you guys do your experiments. 不不不你们做实验吧I'll go pick up dinner. 我去带晚饭回来Are you sure? 你确定吗Y eah, you're having science fun, 对啊你们在享受科学and I don't want to interfere, or watch you. 我不想打扰你们也不想看Did I actually do it? 我真的算出来了吗I did. I did. 真的耶真的The answer is one in 18 million.答案是1800万分之一What is? 什么东西是The odds of you running into Mr. Watkins. 你遇见沃特金斯先生的几率啊Oh, Shelly. I have bad news. 谢利我有个坏消息Mr. Watkins passed this morning. 沃特金斯先生今早去世了Oh, I'm-I'm sorry. 我很遗憾I know. What are the odds of that? 是啊得什么几率才碰到这种事啊Call you back. 晚点打给你Now let's calculate the amplitude!现在我们来计算振幅吧All right! 好哒Sheldon? Sheldon? Sheldon? 谢尔顿谢尔顿谢尔顿It's annoying when you do it. 你学我这么敲时很烦人I brought pizza. 我给你带了披萨Oh, thank you. 谢谢I have been working pretty hard. 我一直在埋头苦干I-I could use a break. 也该休息一下了What's that? 那是什么Oh, yeah, that is an experiment 那个啊是一个实验to see how many parallelograms I could draw 看看我憋着气不呼吸时while holding my breath. 能画几个平行四边形Is that where you blacked out? 你是在那个地方昏过去的吗No, actually, 不其实that's where I blacked out. 那里才是我真正昏过去的地方And this? 这个呢That is a list 这是一张清单of all the different types of natural disasters. 上面列出了全部不同类型的自然灾害"Fire-quake"? "火震"I made that one up. 那个是我瞎编的Which I shouldn't have, because now I'm scared of it. 其实我不该这么做现在我害怕它真会发生Hey, I thought you were working on actual science. 我还以为你研究的是真正的科学呢I am. 是啊I'm trying to come up with a new approach to darkmatter,我试图想出研究暗物质的新思路but people keep distracting me. 但总有人让我分心First, my mother kept answering the phone when Icalled,首先是我妈我一打电话她就接even though she knew I was busy. 即便她知道我忙得不行And now you show up with my favorite shape of food-- 而现在你又带着我最喜欢的形状食物出现a circle made of triangles served in a square box. 由三角形组成的圆形被装进正方形的盒子里Maybe I'll just eat this in the laundry room. 要不我还是去洗衣房吃算了No, no. Wait. 别别等等Y ou don't have to go, 你不用走as long as you sit quietly and don't say anything. 你只要乖乖坐好别出声就行Fine. 好吧Good. 好吃Are you mocking me? 你是在模仿嘲讽我吗Hey, you want to hear one of my geology songs? 你想不想听我其中一首地质学歌So it's about rocks? 是关于岩石的吗Better. It's about a boulder. 比这厉害多了是关于巨石的Isn't that the same thing? 本质不都是石头吗Far from it. 远非如此A boulder has a diameter greater than 25.6 centimeters. 巨石的直径通常大于25.6厘米Is that fact in the song? 这知识也在那歌里吗No. 没有Y es. 有啦It's sung from the viewpoint of the boulder 歌词唱的是追赶that chases Indiana Jones. 印第安纳·琼斯的那块巨石{\an8\fn微软雅黑\fs18\b1\bord1\shad1\3c&H2F2F2F&}《夺宝奇兵1》中曾出现主角被巨石穷追不舍的经典桥段That's right up our alley. Let's hear it. 那正好符合我们的风格唱来听听吧♪Alone in my temple in the middle of Peru ♪♪秘鲁深处独守古庙♪♪A giant stone ball with nothing much to do ♪♪巨石如我无事可做♪♪But if you steal my idol ♪♪谁敢偷我神像♪♪I will roll right over you ♪♪直接把你压扁♪♪'Cause I'm six tons of granite and micaceous schist ♪♪因为我是六吨重的花岗岩和云母片岩♪♪Y eah, I'm six tons of granite and ♪♪没错六吨重的花岗岩♪♪Micaceous schist ♪♪和云母片岩♪♪Y eah, I'm six tons of granite and, uh, micaceous schist ♪♪因为我是六吨重的花岗岩和云母片岩♪♪Y eah, I'm six tons of granite ♪♪没错六吨重的花岗岩♪♪And, uh, micaceous schist ♪♪和云母片岩♪So, I think if we want to predict the height of the wave, 我觉得如果想预测起伏的高度we need to use elasticity theory 我们需要用到弹性理论and model the lattice 还要将格架作为as one continuous flexible piece. 一个连续柔性块的模型This is fun. 这真有意思Playing with Popsicle sticks, 一边玩冰棒棍exploring ways to store kinetic energy. 一边探索存储动能的方式It's like preschool all over again. 仿佛又回到了幼儿园Except now if I eat paste, it's because I want to, 除了现在如果我要吃浆糊是因为我想吃not because Craig Schultz is making me. 而不是因为克雷格·舒尔茨逼我Hey, can I ask you a question? 我能问你个问题吗Is it, "Where was the teacher?" 是要问"当时老师在哪儿"吗She was in the bathroom smoking, that's where. 她在洗手间抽烟呢就是那儿It wasn't, but I'm glad to see you've moved on. 不是啦不过我很高兴你走出阴霾了I was gonna ask if being married felt any different. 我本来是要问结婚不结婚有什么不一样Oh. Uh... not really. 好像...没什么不一样Sorry. That probably wasn't the answer you werelooking for.抱歉这可能不是你想听到的答案No, actually it is. 不恰恰就是I mean, Sheldon and I are in a really great place right now, 我的意思是我和谢尔顿现在的感情非常好and I just, I don't want anything to mess that up. 我不想让任何事情破坏它Y ou do remember you're here 你没忘记你之所以在这儿because he kicked you out of your apartment? 是因为他把你从你们家踢出来吧Y es. 没忘啊His work is important to him. 他的工作对他很重要It's one of the things I find 这正是我觉得他the sexiest about him. 性感的地方之一Well, that and... 这个还有......his butt. 他的小翘臀And then I was thinking about 那时我在考虑要不要inventing a new dark matter particle 创造一种新的暗物质粒子to evade the omega baryon constraints, 避开Ω粒子约束but that just seems like something anyone could come up with. 但那没难度感觉随便一个人都能想出来Agreed. 同意Y ou know what's blowing my mind? 你知道什么让我惊讶吗Somebody thought about putting cheese in this crust. 居然有人想出把芝士塞进披萨边里I just wish I could find something that excites me. 我就是希望我能找到能引起我兴趣的事物Y ou do understand that crust doesn't normally 你能理解通常披萨边里面come with cheese in it? 是不会有芝士的吧Okay, all right, look.好吧好吧听着What got you excited about dark matter in the firstplace?暗物质一开始是哪点吸引了你的兴趣Well, I left string theory, 当时我放弃了弦理论which I'd been working on for a long time, 那个方向其实我已经研究了很长时间了and everyone was talking about how cool dark matterwas,人人都在谈论暗物质有多酷and I thought, "Well, sure, I'll give that a whirl" 于是我就想"行吧我来试试"So it's your rebound science? 所以它是你的备胎科学What's that? 什么意思Well, not the science you spend the rest of your life with, 意思就是暗物质不是你想共度余生的科学but the one you use to make yourself feel pretty again. 只是能让你重新自我感觉良好Well, if I'm being honest, 如果要我老实说I never forgot about string theory. 我这辈子都忘不了弦理论It's remarkable. 它太出色了It's the closest we've come to a theory of everything, 它是目前我们最接近能解释一切的一种理论something even Einstein couldn't figure out. 甚至连爱因斯坦都想不明白Well, if he couldn't figure it out, maybe it's just wrong. 如果他都想不明白或许其本身就是错的But it's so elegant. 但它那么优雅I mean, look, string theory posits 我是说听着弦理论假定that the fundamental particles we see in threedimensions我们在三维空间看见的基本粒子are actually strings embedded in multidimensionalspace-time.其实是嵌在多维时空的弦Interesting. 有意思So that would mean... 所以那就是说...that... 那个...Can't do this by myself, buddy. 该配合我的演出你视而不见What is happening? 你在搞什么鬼I was trying not to wake you. 我试着尽量不吵醒你Did it work? 成功了吗Sorry. 抱歉I just realized, 我刚意识到now that I'm not in the band, 现在我不组乐队了I can focus on my own music. 我可以专注搞我自己的音乐了Y ou know? Go solo. 就是单飞啊Y ou said you were taking a break from the band 你说你是暂别乐队to help with me and the baby. 好照顾我和宝宝Y es, and write an astronaut musical. 对啊还有写一出宇航员音乐剧Picture this. The curtain opens. 想象一下幕布拉开There's a lone astronaut floating 一位宇航员独自飘浮在in the inky blackness of space. 漆黑的太空Maybe wires, maybe fog. 或许有各种线或许有雾I'll let the director figure that out. 这交给导演去想吧♪I really don't know when ♪♪真不知道何时♪♪I'll run out of oxy... gen. ♪♪我会缺氧而...死♪Good news! I'm back in the band! 好消息我重回乐队了So, Bernadette doesn't mind? 伯纳黛特不介意了吗It was her idea! 是她提议让我回来的So it's sort of like a guitar string, 所以这有点像吉他弦but instead of making an actual sound, 但它不会发出真正的声音each vibration is a different particle. 每一次振动是一种不同的粒子Precisely. And when you express it in 11 dimensions, 完全正确当你在11维空间弹时Einstein's relativity equations pop out. 爱因斯坦的相对论方程会出现Does that sound like a coincidence? 那听起来像是巧合吗- It does not. - Y up. -不像-对That's what I think. 我就是这么想的So, so, did we do it? Did we just solve string theory? 所以我们成功了吗我们刚是解出了弦理论吗I appreciate your enthusiasm, 我不想打击你的热情but this is not the sort of thing 但这可不是我们we can figure out in a night. 一晚上就能想明白的事情People have been stuck on this for decades. 人们研究了好几十年都没有突破呢Well, decades? Really? 几十年太扯了吧It's-it's a string. How hard can it be? 不就是一根弦吗能有多难啊It's straight, it's in a loop, 它是直的循环的it gets knotted up with other strings. Uh... 跟其他弦打结系在一起Well, actually there are no knots 其实超过四维后in anything greater than four dimensions. 任何事物不可能存在结点Ooh, unless 除非...we get around that by considering them as sheets. 我们绕过这一点把结点看成片状Y ou know, topologically speaking, 拓扑地来说that has a lot of interesting possibilities. 那就有很多有趣的可能性了See? How long did that take me, like a minute? 瞧我花了多长时间有一分钟吗Thought you were getting us dinner. 我以为你去给我们带饭了呢Sorry. I had to stop at Sheldon's 抱歉我得去谢尔顿家and help him solve string theory. 帮他解决弦理论What? 什么Y eah, turns out the answer's knots. 是啊结果发现答案是结点That's cute, but you can't have knots 想法挺可爱但超过四维后in more than four dimensions. 不可能存在结点Mm, you can if you consider them sheets. 如果你将其看成片状就存在啊Good night. 晚安啦What up, my Hebrews and She-brews?! 各位好我的希伯来弟和希伯来妹We are Footprints on the Moon. 我们是月球足迹乐队Toby, today you are a man, 托比今天你成年了and you will face many obstacles in life. 今后你会在生活中面临很多障碍有一些障碍会让你觉得犹如巨石And some of those obstacles are gonna feel likeboulders.This first song is about the greatest boulder 第一首歌是关于电影史上in the history of cinema. 最伟大的巨石One, two, three. 一二三♪Alone in my temple in the middle of Peru ♪♪秘鲁深处独守古庙♪♪A giant stone ball with nothing much to do ♪♪巨石如我无事可做♪♪But if you steal my idol ♪♪谁敢偷我神像♪♪I will roll right over you ♪♪直接把你压扁♪♪'Cause I'm six tons of granite ♪♪因为我是六吨重的花岗岩♪♪And micaceous schist ♪♪和云母片岩♪♪Y eah, I'm six tons of granite and ♪♪没错六吨重的花岗岩♪♪Micaceous schist ♪♪和云母片岩♪♪I'm gonna crush you, I'm gonna mush you ♪♪我要压碎你我要碾扁你♪♪Y ou took my idol, I'm homicidal ♪♪你偷我神像你尸体已凉♪♪Gonna roll over you till your brains come out ♪♪我要把你碾得肝脑涂地♪♪压得你骨头粉碎血肉横飞♪♪And your bones will crunch and your blood willspout! ♪I'm not just a rock, baby, 我不仅仅是块石头宝贝I'm also a boulder. 我还是块巨石♪'Cause I'm six tons of granite ♪♪因为我是六吨重的花岗岩♪♪Micaceous schist ♪♪和云母片岩♪♪Y eah, I'm six tons of granite and ♪♪没错六吨重的花岗岩♪♪Micaceous schist ♪♪和云母片岩♪第14集Space is the mirror of the soul. E014宇宙是灵魂的镜子Are we looking beyond, or are we looking within? 我们是瞭望远方还是照进内心呢I'm looking at my shoes. 我是看向鞋子This is making me a little motion sick. 我都看得有点晕乎了When we gaze out at the immensities of space, 当我们凝望着无止尽的宇宙we understand them because there are immensities 我们能了解到这是因为我们的内心within us as well. 也是无限大I'm Dr. Rajesh Koothrappali,我是拉杰什·库萨帕里博士and thank you for taking a walk with me... 感谢各位与我一起through the stars. 漫步群星之中That pause gets longer every show. 他收尾的停顿一次比一次长I believe... 我觉得...you're right. 你说得没错Hey. 你好Can I get a picture with you? 我能跟你合照一张吗Absolutely. 没问题And if you post it on social media,如果你要发到社交平台I suggest the hashtag "Koothra-poet." 我建议你加个话题#库萨诗里# Thank you. The show was great. 谢谢你节目很棒Well, I can't take all the credit. 这不全是我一个人的功劳I have pretty good co-stars. 我有一群很棒的明星配角The stars. 一群明"星"Do you say that to everyone? 你对每个人都说这套词吗Only to beautiful women. 只对美女And okay women. 还有还行的女孩说Okay. 行吧Uh, just to clarify: you're the first kind. 我澄清一下你是前一类人Okay. 行吧Thanks for coming. 谢谢你们来What did you handsome gentlemen think of the show? 两位帅哥对今晚的节目有何评价Uh, you can turn it off now. 你可以收功了It's sweet of you to say, but I don't think I can. 谢谢夸奖但我的魅力能放不能收Look at this cute picture of Halley in the bath. 看看这张哈雷在泡澡的超萌照片A w, that's great. 拍得很赞啊Want me to send it to you? 要我发给你吗No, on your phone it's cute, on my phone it's a crime. 别了在你手机是可爱在我手机上是犯罪I also have a pretty cute picture to share. 我也有一张很萌的照片分享What is that? 那是什么An equation. 一个方程式Isn't it perfect? 它是不是太完美了Sometimes I just stare at it, 有时候我就这么盯着它看and I think "I can't believe that came out of me." 心想"真想不到它是我想出来的" Well, since we're sharing pictures, 既然我们要分享照片I have one to contribute. 我也可以贡献一张Please don't let it be you and your dog in the bathtub. 拜托别是你跟你狗一起泡澡的照片It's not. 并不是But don't swipe. 但别滑去看别张照片What are we looking at here? 这是什么Well, that's me and a beautiful woman 是我跟一个美女的合照and my watch showing the time as 2:30 in the morning. 而从我的手表可以看出是半夜两点半拍的So, state's exhibit "A"? 所以... 证物"A"吗No. I met her at the planetarium a few days ago, 不是啦我前几天跟她在天文台认识的and she invited me out for a drink. 她后来邀请我出去喝一杯Oh, good for you. H-Hey, 那恭喜你啊w-what's the Hindi word for "Dog"? 印地语的"狗"怎么说- Kutta. - Y ou kutta. -库塔-你这只贱库塔Bow-bow. 咆咆That's Hindi for woof-woof. 这是印地语的汪汪I am seeing her again tonight. 我今晚跟她又有约Y ou know, I also have a date tonight. 我今晚也有约呢But don't worry, it's not another woman. 但别担心不是跟别的女人It's string theory. 是跟弦理论有约Bow-bow. 咆咆Sorry, he's a kutta, you're not. 抱歉但人家才是色库塔你不算- Hi. - ?Hello. -回来了-回来啦What you doing? 你在干嘛Oh, taking another picture with my baby. 跟我的宝宝合照Look how big he got. 你看它长多大了It's fun to see you this excited. 看到你这么兴奋挺有意思的A w, thank you, that's so... 谢谢啦你人...- Don't sit there! ?- What, what? -不许坐这里-啥怎么了I, uh-- sorry. 抱歉啦I-It's part of my organization system. 这是我组织系统的一部分That's-that's where those papers go. 那里是我放论文的地方Okay. Um, how about if I just... 好吧那不如我...slide this notebook... 把这笔记本推过去...Y ou know what, it's fine. 行吧没关系I'll just be in the bedroom. 我去卧室里待着No, no. Uh, this is your apartment, too. 不用别这里也是你的公寓。

[《星球大战V》主题曲]"The Imperial March"您能行行好把衬衫给关了吗Would you please turn your shirt off?那怎么行What?我的闪亮出场需要恢宏的背景音乐I'm giving myself dramatic entrance music.这样人们才会崇拜并畏惧我People will know I'm awesome and to be feared.确实Right.世上最惊悚的事莫过于There's nothing more awesome and frightening than a man 有音乐从一个男人的咪咪间喷薄而出who's got music blasting from between his nipples.斯图亚特忙啥呢Hey,Stuart,what's going on?你可能需要在谷歌日历上记下了Well,you might want to mark your Google calendars.斯坦·李周四来这里开签名会Stan Lee is coming to do a signing on Thursday.他的自传出续集了吗Did he finally write a sequel to his autobiography?我就知道80来岁的人照样老当益壮I'm sure ages79through87were just action-packed.没就是普通的漫画签名罢了No,just a regular comic signing.我叔叔是他的皮肤科医生My uncle is his dermatologist斯坦·李因此卖个面子给他and Stan's doing him a favor.你告诉我这些干嘛啊你Oh,I don't want to know that!这下好了我怎么可能一边和斯坦·李讨论How can I possibly discuss with Stan Lee用银质冲浪板the scientific foundations for interstellar flight来星际飞行的科学依据on a silver surfboard一边逐行扫描他的脸when part of my brain will be scanning his face以寻找皮肤传染病的蛛丝马迹for signs of contagious skin disease?斯坦·李没有皮肤传染病Stan Lee does not have a contagious skin disease.一边去你又不是斯图亚特的叔叔Well,look who thinks he's Stuart's uncle now.难以置信我们要见到斯坦·李了Can't believe it.We're going to meet Stan Lee![《变形金刚》中大黄蜂播放过的歌曲]"I'm So Excited"我错了我不该教他跳这舞的I'm sad to say I taught him those moves.我实在无法取舍I can't decicide究竟让斯坦·李把名字签在whether I want Stan Lee to autograph托尔第一次出场的《神秘之旅》83期上my Journey into Mystery83,first appearance of Thor还是签在《神奇四侠》第五本上or my Fantastic Four number five,死亡博士的处女秀first appearance of Dr.Doom.[Jeopardy智力竞赛节目思考时的音乐节目的主题曲] (Jeopardy theme song playing)阿莱克斯(Jeopardy的主持)我选的答案是Alex,I'm going to go with what is...你是个傻帽you're a dumbass?我决定让斯坦·李把名签在I've decided I'm going to have Mr.Lee sign my copy这个月的《蝙蝠侠》上of this month's Batman.有病吧你That's crazy.蝙蝠侠又不是斯坦·李的作品[竞争对手]Stan Lee had nothing to do with Batman.对啊所以其他人不会让他签这个Yes,which is why no one else will ask him to sign one,于是我就会拥有一件and I will be the possessor of虽然怪异但独一无二的稀世珍宝a unique,albeit confusing,artifact,我从此就和那群芸芸which will set me apart漫画迷不再是一个级别的了from hoi polloi of comic book fandom.这点子不错That's a great idea.我也让他签《蝙蝠侠》去I'm going to get him to sign a Batman as well.你对独一无二这个词很难理解么What is it about the word"unique"you don't understand?靠手被纸片划破了Damn,paper cut.被纸割伤最痛苦了Nothing worse than a paper cut.你忘了割礼吧[犹太儿童切除包皮的仪式]Well,obviously you don't remember your circumcision.上面抽屉里有新孢霉素和创口贴There's Neosporin and Band-Aids in my top desk drawer.这些东西不是该放在卫生间里吗Why don't you keep that stuff in the bathroom?卫生间里有还有厨房里He does.And in the kitchen.还有车里再加上他口袋里And in the car.And in his pocket.没错但我口袋里的可不给别人用Yeah,but the ones in my pocket are mine.-嗨-嘿-Hi!-Hey.猜猜看Guess who's going to be周四谁会去漫画店at the comic bookstore on Thursday?呃给点提示吧Um...can you give me a hint?斯坦·李Stan Lee.噢斯坦利Um...Stanley...斯坦利·图奇?[著名演员]Stanley...Stanley Tucci?不是No.是斯坦·李No,Stan...Lee.哦斯坦·李嘛Oh,oh,Stan Lee!不错嘛Cool!你根本不知道他是谁吧You have no idea who he is,do you?谁说的我当然知道Of course I do.你是我生命中的重要的一部分You're an important part of my life我自然会爱屋及乌啦and I pay attention to the things you are interested in.是嘛好啊Oh,good.好极了Good.那你说说斯坦·李是谁So,who's Stan Lee?星际迷航里的Um...he was on Star Trek.猜错了Nope.-那就星球大战-又错-Star Wars?-No.呃斯坦·李Um...uh,Stan Lee.我知道了Ooh,he was in those是你喜欢的傻帽功夫片里的goofy kung fu movies you love so much?那是李小龙That's Bruce Lee.啊哦Oh.那这是小龙的书呆子哥哥斯坦?So,is this Bruce Lee's nerdy brother,Stan?谢尔顿你抽屉怎么有那么多Sheldon,why do you have all these unopened没拆封的薪水支票paychecks in your desk?因为我想买的东西Because most of the things I'm planning to buy市面上基本上都没有haven't been invented yet.这儿得有好几千块了吧There-there must be thousands of dollars here.你干嘛不存银行里Why don't you put it in the bank?鬼才相信银行I don't trust banks.我坚信如果有一天机器人奋起反抗了I believe that when the robots rise up,自动取款机肯定是起义军领袖ATMs will lead the charge.这儿还有一封You've also got something帕萨迪纳市法院寄来的东西from the Pasadena Municipal Court.肯定又是回信来鄙视我Undoubtedly another snide response之前寄去的几封信里to my repeated letters complaining投诉了法院门口的旗子that the flags in front of the courthouse次序是错误的are flying in the wrong order.按照从左到右的顺序From left to right,it's supposed to be应该先是联邦旗州旗federal,state,最后才轮到帕萨迪纳市旗and then city of Pasadena.打断一下你为此寄了好几封信过去I'm sorry.You sent more than one letter about that?它们看着太碍眼了It bothers me.谢尔顿这是封传票Sheldon,this is a summons.什么的传票A summons for what?信上说你在玛格大道闯了红灯Looks like you ran a red light M Margo Avenue时间是11月16号晚上9点半at9:30p.m.on November16.你被路边的摄像头拍下来了They got you on a traffic camera.挺上镜嘛Nice picture.11月16号November16?佩妮那不就是你在浴缸里摔倒Penny,that's the evening you fell in your bathtub然后我不得不带你去看急诊的那晚吗and I had to drive you to the emergency room.不是No,it isn't.就是Yes,it is.就不是No,it isn't.佩妮我记得很清楚Penny,I have an eidetic memory.而且摄像头也拍下了你在副驾驶位置上Also,that's a picture of you in the passenger seat托着你那脱臼的肩膀holding your dislocated shoulder.才不是呢Mmm,no,it isn't.好吧那为啥传票上违反交规的Okay,then why is a summons for a traffic violation是你的车而且挂着你的车牌committed in your car,bearing your license plates,却寄来我这儿了coming to me?好吧他们给我发了传票Okay,look,they sent me the ticket.我告诉他们当时并不是我开的车I told them I wasn't driving然后他们逼问我"除了你还有谁"and they were all,"If it wasn't you,who was it?"于是你就把我出卖了So you betrayed me?才没有No!这哪是出卖It wasn't a betrayal.我只不过表示"我的驾照已经没分好扣了"It was more of a"I can't afford any more points on my license."我已经不得不I already have to buy my insurance去开曼群岛上买车险了from this place in the Cayman Islands.但我之所以开你的车还不是因为But the only reason I was driving your car你当时可怜兮兮的我才伸出援手was because you were in distress and I was rescuing you.是啊是啊你看现在你有张照片记录英勇的一天Yea yea.Look at you.you have a photo to remember that heroic day.没什么大不了的It's not that big a deal.你只要周四去法院You just go down to the court on Thursday交罚金就行and you pay the fine.我才不去交罚金I'm not going to pay a fine.那就说明我有罪That would imply I'm guilty.你确实有罪You are guilty.[《法律与秩序》的主题曲]这个我喜欢That one I liked.我是无罪的I am not guilty.我只有实习驾照I only have a learner's permit.佩妮教我的Penny was the teacher.转黄灯时她就说"快快快"When the light turned yellow she said"Go,go,go."于是我就"开开开"So I went,went,went.谢尔顿对不起Sheldon,I'm sorry.我会还你罚金的钱I'll be happy to reimburse you for the fine.只要我能参演一部电影You know,as soon as I get a part in a movie或者自己拍个电视剧or my own TV series.不用你还因为我不会交的You don't need to reimburse me because I'm not paying.周四那天我会去法院On Thursday,I will have my day in court正义会得到伸张and justice will be done.我现在就着手准备辩护In fact,I'm going to begin preparing my defense right now.他坐定牢了Okay,he's going to jail.对哦Oh,that's right.周四是斯坦·李签名日Thursday is Stan Lee Day.看到你做的好事了吧Now you see what you've done?就因为你我们都见不到斯坦·李了Because of you,we're all going to miss Stan Lee.你说"都"是什么意思What do you mean"all?"你们是我朋友啊Well,you're my friends.你们要站在我旁边支持我You'll be standing by my side,supporting me,为我提供案例feeding me legal precedents,你们上身要是够壮and if you had the upper body strength,我胜诉时可以把我搁肩膀上扛出去carrying me out on your shoulders when I'm victorious.这个嘛不行Yeah,okay.No.你是说我为自己辩护时Are you saying that you will not stand beside me你不会来站在我身边吗as I plead my case?是这个意思That's what I'm saying.霍华德Howard?斯坦·李法庭上的你Uh,Stan Lee,or you in court.要是《苏菲的选择》有这么简单Uh,if this was Sophie's Choice电影就不会那么长了不行it would've been a much shorter movie.No.拉杰Raj?你会来吧You'll be there,won't you?那好吧All right,then.我所谓的朋友都抛弃了我My so-called friends have forsaken me.看来只剩我和目击证人了So,I guess it'll just be me and my eyewitness.晕死Oh,balls.请着装得体一点Please try to wear something appropriate.要是法官只顾着想It won't help my case你屁股上'美味多汁'的意思if the judge is busy trying to read the word"Juicy"对我的案子没好处scrawled across your buttocks.佩妮Penny.佩妮Penny.佩妮Penny.节奏不对That's just wrong.好了走吧All right,let's go.等一下Wait,hold on.去法院之前Before we get to the courthouse,我想看一下你的演技I'd like to call on your skills as an actress.这是什么What is this?我冒昧地I've taken the liberty为你起草了出庭作证的剧本of scripting your appearance on the witness stand面对现实你有点我行我素because,let's face it,you're somewhat of a loose cannon.别担心都是用你的方言写的{\c it's written in your vernacular.我们排练一下如何So shall we rehearse?我有得选吗Do I have a choice?你当然有选择权Well,of course you have a choice.虽然我们生活在宿命里Although we live in a deterministic universe,但每个人都有自由选择的权力each individual has free will.给我坐下Now,sit down.请你回忆下I call your attention11月16日发生的事to the events of November16.你记得那天吗Do you remember that date?废话我记得"Darn tootin',I do.请法官原谅我家乡内布拉斯加"If the court will excuse my homespun,粗俗简朴的语言corn-fed Nebraskan turn of phrase."很好继续Excellent.Go on.我记得那天"The reason that date is,like,而且铭记在我的脑子里"so totally fixed in my memory是因为我有幸目睹了"is that I had the privilege to be witness毕生从未见过的英勇行为to one of the most heroic acts I've ever seen in,like,ever."谁的英勇行为"And who performed that heroic act?"您的啊阁下"Why,you did,sir.您谢尔顿·库珀博士"You.Dr.Sheldon Cooper.而且我想说我很荣幸认识您And may I add,it is a privilege to know you."不必称赞我"There's no need for compliments.法庭只看重事实This court is only interested in the facts."但感觉很荣幸能认识您啊也是个事实啊"But it is a fact that it's a privilege to know you.真的Totally."一滴泪从我面颊流下A teardrop rolls down my cheek?!纯属建议Only a suggestion.喉咙哽咽一下也可以A catch in your throat would work just as well.但我感觉"But it is a fact很荣幸能认识您啊也是个事实啊"that it's a privilege to know you.真的Totally."你还是穿"美味多汁"的裤子吧Maybe you should put on your"Juicy"pants again.去交罚金Pay the cashier.谢尔顿·库珀Sheldon Cooper.早上好法官大人Good morning,Your Honor.我是谢尔顿·库珀博士Dr.Sheldon Cooper自我辩护appearing in pro se.也就是说代表我自己That is to say,representing himself.我知道什么意思I know what it means.我读过法律学校I went to law school.结果却在审理交通法庭And yet you wound up in traffic court.不管怎样Anyway,法官允许的话if it would please the court,我想做个开庭陈述I'd like to begin with an opening statement.法官会建议你简短点The court would advise you to make it quick,因为法官早上吃了可能馊了的玉米煎饼as the court had a dicey-looking breakfast burrito this morning 而且刚吃了易蒙停(止泻药)and just took an Imodium.快速的开场陈述A quick opening statement.如同一个挤奶凳Like a milking stool,本案有三个my case rests on立足点three legs.我要论证的是I will demonstrate我在驾驶过程中受到一个女人的误导that I was improperly instructed in driving这个女人缺乏社会上by a woman whose lack of respect for society 对反社会界定的基本认识borders on the sociopathic.我要争辩的是I will argue紧急情况下的法律原理that the emergency met the legal doctrine是需要即合法[拉丁文]of quod est necessarium est licitum--也就是需要即合法that which is necessary is legal.但首先But first,我要提出第六条修正案[美国权利法案]I will raise a Sixth Amendment issue.我无法与控方对峙I'm unable to confront my accuser,因为控方是一台非人类机器a non-human entity,to wit,也就是摄像机a camera.所以综上所述So,to sum up:错误指导{\c加上"需要即合法"的原理{\c还有第六条修正案Sixth Amendment.我的挤奶凳辨述完毕My milk stool is complete.佩服佩服Impressive.谢谢Thank you.罪名成立Guilty.去付钱吧Pay the cashier.我反对I object.你这是在无视法律You're completely ignoring the law.不我遵守法律No,I'm following the law.只是在无视你I'm ignoring you.是吗Really?提醒你一下我可是业内顶尖人士I would point out that I am at the top of my profession,你却坐在桌子后面过家家while you preside over the kiddy table of yours.库珀博士我给你个机会为你最后的言论道歉Dr.Cooper,before I find you in contempt不然我要视你为蔑视法庭and throw you in jail,I'm going to give you a chance把你扔进监狱to apologize for that last remark.我可是个科学家I am a scientist.我才不会为陈述事实而道歉I never apologize for the truth.那是我的位置That's my spot.我等不及要问斯坦·李I can't wait to ask Stan Lee为什么他笔下每个角色的姓和名why he insists on giving all his characters first and last names 开头字母都是一样的that start with the same letter.[以下均为惊奇漫画人物]得了你这是何必Oh,come on.Why would you do that?分别出自《绿巨人》和《神奇四侠》布鲁斯·班纳里德·理查Bruce Banner,Reed Richards,分别出自《神奇四侠》和《怪谈故事》后者为惊奇的系列漫画苏珊·斯汤斯蒂芬·史催博士Sue Storm,Stephen Strange,分别出自《蜘蛛侠》和《神奇四侠》奥拓·八爪博士和银影侠Otto Octavius,Silver Surfer,出自《蜘蛛侠》彼得·帕克还有最夸张的Peter Parker,oh,and worst of all,出自《神奇的蜘蛛侠》小约翰·约拿·詹姆森J.Jonah Jameson,Jr.好吧我要插在你前面Okay,I'm cutting.免得斯坦·李被你惹毛了我遭殃I'm not gonna talk to Stan Lee after you cheese him off.《蜘蛛侠》的主题音乐铃声嗨Hey.谢尔顿进了监狱Sheldon's in jail.啥谢尔顿进了监狱?!Sheldon's in jail?!被你说中了You called it.-怎么搞的-你觉得呢-For what?-What do you think?就是他平时一贯的找抽风格For doing the same crap he always does,只不过法官不吃这一套except to a judge.他不道歉就出不来He has to stay in there until he apologizes.那就让他道歉啊So tell him to apologize.多谢提醒莱纳德Oh,gee,thanks,Leonard.你以为我没想过吗That didn't occur to me.如果他五点前还不道歉If he doesn't apologize by5:00,就得在监狱里过夜了he is going to spend the night in jail.哦不真是糟糕Oh,no,that's terrible.哇队伍动了挂了回见Ooh,the line's moving.Got to go.Bye.有人吗Excuse me?狱卒在吗Excuse me,jailor?咋了What?我要上厕所I need to use the restroom.在那边自便Knock yourself out.这算是马桶?That's the toilet?不然你以为是许愿池吗Well,it ain't a wishing well.请转告法官我准备向他道歉Please tell the judge I'm ready to apologize.看啊Look at that."致吾友莱纳德"To my friend,Leonard.惊奇漫画的一个系列后改称Loners独行侠斯坦·李"From Stan Lee,Excelsior!"牛逼Awesome.我上面写的是"致吾友霍华德"Mine says,"To my friend,Howard.独行侠斯坦·李From Stan Lee,Excelsior!"我上面写的是"致拉杰斯坦·李"Mine says,"To Raj,from Stan Lee."因为你纠结他的角色名把他惹毛了That's'cause you pissed him off about his character names.搞毛Hey,前者是惊奇漫画虚拟组织S.H.I.E.L.D成员后者出自《蜘蛛侠》我还没提达姆弹头杜甘和绿魔I didn't even mention Dum Dum Dugan or Green Goblin,分别出自《夜魔侠》和《钢铁侠》马特·默多克和小辣椒波兹Matt Murdock,Pepper Potts,末日博士[出自《神奇四侠》]Victor V on Doom,还有最夸张的oh,and worst of all,惊奇漫画的长篇幽默系列米莉模特Millie the Model.我们回来了We're home.伙计情况如何Oh,hey,buddy.How'd it go?你明明都知道了还问个屁You know very well how it went.是啊但我们想听你亲口说Yeah,but we all want to hear it from you.我被判有罪还被罚了533美元I was found guilty and fined$533.我会写张支票给你I'm going to write you a check for that.只要你答应我藏在抽屉里As long as you promise to put it in your drawer别去兑换就和其他那些东西一样and never cash it,like the others.我还没有驾照I also now have three points但上面已经被扣了三点on a driver's license I do not yet possess,还被迫道了个冤枉歉and I was forced to issue an undeserved apology,只因为我拒绝在一群犯人面前simply because I refuse to urinate就着个不锈钢尿盆排尿in a stainless steel bowl in front of criminals.再加上你错过了和斯坦·李见面Plus,you didn't get to meet Stan Lee.好了别刺激他了霍华德Okay,that's enough,Howard.这可怜虫够难受的了The poor guy's had a tough time.一个下午都待在监狱He had to spend the entire afternoon in jail还穿成这幅德行wearing that suit.说得对You're right,所以我们也别提在亲笔签名后so it would be cruel to mention他带斯图尔特和咱一起去吃了意式冰淇淋that after he finished signing autographs,这就太残酷了Stanley took Stuart and us out for gelato.你们和斯坦·李共进意式冰淇淋?You had gelato with Stan Lee?他还允许我们叫他斯坦He said we could call him Stan.除了拉杰Except for Raj.你这下满意了吧佩妮Well,I hope you're satisfied,Penny.今天我所遭受的磨难You are responsible这全都是你的错for all the evil that has be fallen me today.-好吧我知道...-我还没说完呢-Okay,I realize that...-Not finished.都是因为你It is because of you害得我有了犯罪记录that I now have a criminal record,还因为你害得我and it is because of you that I missed out错过了和斯坦·李共进意式冰淇淋on having gelato with Stan Lee.-好吧也许以后还有机会...-不可能了-Okay,maybe you'll have another chance to have...-No,no.再也没有这种机会和斯坦·李一起共进意式冰淇淋了I will never have another chance to have gelato with Stan Lee 因为这种机会because opportunities to have和斯坦·李一起共进意式冰淇淋一生只有一次gelato with Stan Lee come but once in a lifetime.手起笔落The Moving Finger writes,白纸黑字再难改[出自《鲁拜集》]and having writ,moves on他刚是朝我竖中指了吗Did he just somehow give me the finger?可不只是手指Not just the finger.还挥起了小手The moving finger.你好斯图尔特Hey,Stuart.你好佩妮Oh,hey,Penny.-怎么了-没什么-What's going on?-Nothing.我正准备打烊然后出发I'm just getting ready to close up and...head out.真好晚上有安排Cool.Got any fun plans?对今晚有重大安排Oh,yeah.Big night tonight.跟只猫一起共享金枪鱼罐头Gonna share a can of tuna with the cat.真好Oh,nice.那甚至不是我的猫Not even my cat.我就喂喂它I just feed it.有几晚它甚至都不会出现Some nights it doesn't even show up.好吧Oh,okay.我希望Well,I was hoping,um,你能帮我个忙you could do me a favor.义不容辞说吧Sure,yeah,name it.这次谢尔顿没见上斯坦·李我得负一定责任Well,I'm kind of responsible for Sheldon missing Stan Lee,我真的很想弥补他and I really want to make it up to him.所以希望你能给我他的电话So I was hoping you could give me his phone number也许我能安排他们见个面so maybe I can arrange for them to meet.抱歉我没他电话Oh,I'm sorry,I don't have his phone number.该死Damn.好吧谢了All right.Thank you.等等Wait.我有他地址I have his address.真的Really?太好了Great!但不能告诉你But I can't give it to you.那你为什么要提这茬Then why did you tell me you had it?我不知道这不聊天嘛I don't know.Just chatting.别这样看着我You're looking at a guy我已经可怜到连流浪猫who could very well get stood up都可能放我鸽子by a stray cat tonight.抱歉斯图尔特I'm sorry,Stuart.不管怎样谢了Thanks anyway.等等Wait.怎么了Yeah?不如我们做笔交易Maybe we can make a deal.什么交易What kind of deal?我告诉你地址I will give you the address你就陪我去参加我表妹的婚礼if you go to my cousin's wedding with me.你这是在逼我跟你约会You're extorting a date out of me?我没其他办法I kind of have to.这次要结婚的这个表妹The cousin who's getting married就是以前经常陪我参加别人婚礼的那个is the cousin I usually go to weddings with.我能带上莱纳德吗Can I bring Leonard?当然随便吧Sure.What the hell.成交Deal.告诉别人他是你表哥就行We'll tell people he's your cousin.这是斯坦·李家的大门This is Stan Lee's front door.越过斯坦·李家马路的石头We were on Stan Lee's curb,走过斯坦·李经常走过的路then we were on Stan Lee's walk,终于来到了斯坦·李家大门外and now we're at Stan Lee's front door.对Yup.天哪你按了斯坦·李家门铃Oh,Lord,you just rang Stan Lee's doorbell.就站在斯坦·李家门外At Stan Lee's house.我们就要进去跟斯坦·李共享牛奶和点心We're about to go in and have milk and cookies with Stan Lee.亲爱的我不确定他是否会招待我们点心Okay,sweetie,I don't know if we're gonna have cookies,还是直接问候了事or he's just gonna say hi,还是会怎么着所以让我来跟他谈...or really what's gonna happen,so just let me talk,and...哪位Yeah?你就是斯坦·李吗Are you Stan Lee?见鬼Oh,damn.你好我叫佩妮这位是我朋友谢尔顿Hi.I'm Penny.This is my friend,Sheldon.她现在不是我朋友We're not friends at the moment.鉴于此刻形势Depends on how this goes.好吧总之Right,right.Anyway,谢尔顿是您的超级粉丝他原打算Sheldon here is a huge fan of yours,and he was supposed那天去漫画书店参加您的见面会to meet you the other day at the comic book store,可惜最后进了监狱but he kind of ended up in jail.了解你们真以为I see.And you thought这样不请自来就能随便敲我家门you'd just come over to my house uninvited?你说过我们是受邀来的You said we were invited.不不我只说我邀请你Oh,no,no,I said I'm inviting you跟我一起去斯坦·李家to come with me to Stan Lee's house.你们这些自称粉丝的真是不可思议You know,you fan boys are unbelievable.真以为只要自己高兴随时都能按我家门铃Do you think you can just ring my doorbell any time you want?既然这样干嘛不索性进门来I mean,why don't you just come on in跟我一起看湖人队比赛好了and watch the Lakers game with me?我不是很爱好体育Well,I'm not much of a sports fan,不过感谢邀请but thank you.我很抱歉I'm sorry.他不是很懂什么叫讽刺He doesn't really understand sarcasm.好吧我动点真格的他就会懂了Well,I'll give him something he'll understand.琼妮快报警Joanie,call the police!很高兴见到你Nice to meet you.《神奇四侠》《夜魔侠》Fantastic Four,Daredevil,《无敌钢铁超人》Invincible Iron Man,分别为《钢铁侠》《蜘蛛侠》中角色快乐霍根蜥蜴博士Happy Hogan,Curt Connors...你能不能消停会Would you just let it go?Fin Fang Foom是《钢铁侠》中一条龙的形象还有最糟糕的非凡龙And worst of all,Fin Fang Foom.你去哪了Hey,where've you been?我告诉你们我去哪了I'll tell you where I've been.你们或许跟斯坦·李一起吃了冰激凌You boys may have had gelato with Stan Lee还得了他亲笔签名的漫画and gotten autographed comics,我可是亲自进了他家but I saw the inside of his house还得到了他亲笔签名的禁制令申请状and got an autographed application for a restraining order.赞Sweet.还有我还能再见到他等听证会的时候Plus,I get to hang out with him again at the hearing.下次我还能如法炮制This is going to look great hanging nextLeonard Nimoy史波克扮演者去要伦纳德·尼莫伊签名的禁制令to my restraining order from Leonard Nimoy.。

一切都好Okay-dokay.每次看这部电影我都很困惑This movie baffles me every time we watch it. 什么意思What do you mean?指南说得一清二楚The instructions are very clear:午夜后别喂魔怪"don't feed the gremlins after midnight."别弄湿魔怪"don't get the gremlins wet."这能有多难How hard is that?伙计们好啊Hi,guys.好啊亲爱的Hi,honey.好Hey.都已经是"亲爱的"啦Ooh,we're "honey" now,are we?对自从他们发展至肉体关系Yes. Since their relationship become carnal,佩妮就升级了对他的爱称Penny has upgraded his designated term of endearment,跟她称为"甜心"的人区分Thus distinguishing him from those she calls "sweetie,"通常为了略微消减隐含的讽刺之意Usually in an attempt to soften a thinly-veiled insult.别这么无聊"甜心"You're boring people,"sweetie".但有时她就是赤裸裸的讽刺Although,sometimes,she omits the veil entirely.你们在干什么So,what are you guys doing?庆祝哥伦布发现美洲纪念日Celebrating Columbus day.我们在看《七宝奇谋》《小魔怪》《少年福尔摩斯》We're watching goonies,gremlins and young sherlock holmes. 都是克里斯·哥伦布的作品They're all written by Chris Columbus.好啊Okay.那你们感恩节看什么What do you watch on thanksgiving?游行The parade.这倒是提醒了我Oh,you know,that reminds me--我通常回内布拉斯加过感恩节I usually go back to Nebraska for thanksgiving, 但今年取消了But this year they're calling it off,因为我哥哥被人告了On account of my brother's trial.为什么What's he on trial for?只是个误会Oh,just a big misunderstanding.你应该会喜欢我哥哥You know,you'd actually like my brother.他也算是个化学家He's kind of a chemist.既然我今年在这里过感恩节Anyway,I was thinking I'd have thanksgiving here,你们都要来And you are all invited.我会去的Oh. I'll be there.你是用蔓越橘果冻Will you be serving cranberry jelly还是蔓越橘酱招待客人Or cranberry sauce?估计两个都有I guess I could serve both.估计貌似你对这方面不在行You guess? You don't seem to have much of a handle on this. 佩妮我很想参加但每年Yeah,I really wish I could,Penny,but every year,我妈都请所有亲戚过来My mother has all the relatives over and cooks up做传说中的鸡胸鱼Her famous tur-briska-fil.鸡脯鱼?Tur-briska-fil?火鸡包胸脯肉杂胸脯肉里包鱼丸Turkey stuffed with a brisket stuffed with gefilte fish.没听起来那么好吃It's not as good as it sounds.拉杰你呢Raj,what about you?他通常都去我家过节对吧Oh,he usually comes to my house. Right,pal?好啦今年不逼你All right,this year,you don't have to吃鸡脯鱼啦Eat the tur-briska-fil.我根本不嚼I don't even chew it.直接当药丸吞I swallow it like pills.拉杰怎么了So,what's going on with Raj?好消息是Well,the good news is,我对我妈的鸡脯鱼没意见He has no problem with my mother's tur-brka-fil. 真不敢相信继续说Hard to believe,but go on.坏消息是他要被驱逐出境了The bad news is,he says he'getting deported.他要被驱逐出境What do you mean,是什么意思He's getting deported?意思是美国政府I believe it means that the U.S. Government要驱赶他离开本国Is going to expel him from the country.他要么回印度老家He could then either return to his native india,要么移居接受他的国家Emigrate to another country that's willing to accept him, 或者去公海当个无国籍海盗Or wander the high seas as a stateless pirate.要是我我就选海盗Personally,I'd choose pirate.佩妮你能不能先出去Penny,would you mind stepping outside我们才能和他谈谈So we can speak to him?Fine.但他也该改改不敢跟女生说话的毛病了But the man really needs to work on his girl issues.这也是考虑做海盗的理由Another reason to consider life of piracy.即使是今天海盗仍是男性职业Even today,I unrstand that's an all-male profession.好了她走了Okay,she's go.对不起我失态了Sorry. I lost my cool.怎么回事So,what's going on?事情是这样的Okay,here's the deal:六个月前我的实验Six months ago,my research testing测试海王星物体的成分The predicted composition of trans-neptunian objects 宣告失败Ran into a dead end.So?我的签证只有在大学任聘才有用So,my visa's only good as long as i employ to the university. 如果他们发现我的实验一无所获And when they find out that I've got squat,他们就会裁掉我They're going to cut me off.而且我说的一无所获是一丁点都没有By the way,when I say squat,I mean diddly-squat.我倒是希望有那么一丁点收获I wish I had squat.等等那你过去6个月都在做什么So,wait,what have you been doing for the past six months? 收收邮件啦You know,checking e-mail,更新FACEBOOK页面啦Updating my facebook status,搞搞维基词条啦Messing up wikipedia entries.你们知道吗Hey,do you know netflixNETFLIX现在允许客户端下载电影了Lets you stream movies on your computer now?这么说你一直都拿大学的薪水And you've continued to take the university's money 蒙混过日子Under false pretenses?你这个天体物理学家也太没职业道德了Highly unethical for an astrophysicist.不过倒是很适合海盗Although practically mandatory for a pirate.我不想回印度I don't want to go back to india.印度又热又吵人又多It's hot and loud,and there's so many people.你们不知道到处都是人You have no idea-- they're everywhere.伙计们动动脑子Okay,guys,think.怎么才能让拉杰留下来How do we keep Raj in the country?另找一份工作不就行了Why doesn't he just get another job?你问我有什么用What are you asking me for?我哪知道你能不能说话I don't know if you can talk now or not. 牛肉Oh,beef...我会很想念你的I'm going to miss you so much.知道吗孟买的麦当劳Do you know,at the mumbai Mcdonald's, 没有巨无霸You can't get a big mac?只有鸡肉大君麦香堡All you can get is a chicken maharaja mac. 而特制酱料And the special sauce--咖喱相信我在印度Curry-- which,in india,believe you me,咖喱一点也不特别Is really not that special.别担心能找到工作的Don't worry,you'll find another job.我先练习一下Yeah,let me start practicing for it."要薯条和大君麦香堡吗""do you want fries with maharaja mac?"好啊莱纳德Hi,Leonard.好啊拉杰Hello,Raj.你好谢尔顿Hello，Sheldon.不好意思虽然我还不善长解读面部表情Forgive me,as you know,I'm no adept at reading facial cues, 但我想试一试But I'm going to take a stab here:你不是在伤心就是在反胃中You're either sad or nauseated.-我是伤心-我正准备说伤心的- I'm sad. - I was going to say sad.不知道怎么的我犹豫了I don't know why I hedged.你在吃什么What are you eating?曲管通心粉配牛肉酱和番茄酱Elbow macaroni with ground hamburger and tomato sauce. 噢牛肉通心粉Oh,beefaroni.我最怀念的就会是你了I think I'll miss you most of all.我一直对这事儿有些疑惑I've always been a little confused about this.为什么印度教不准吃牛肉Why don't hindus eat beef?我们相信牛就是神We believe cows are gods.学术上说并不准确Not technically.在印度教中牛被认为长的像神In hinduism,cattle are thought to be like god.不需要你教我自家的文化谢尔顿Do not tell me about my own culture,Sheldon!就我现在的心情老子会揪你出去的In the mood I'm in,I'll take you out--我向牛发誓I swear to cow!对不起I'm sorry.我也是Me,too.我只是我有点激动了I'm just... I'm a little on edge.可以理解Understandle.你的整个人生仿佛崩溃了Your entire life seems to be crumbling around you, 你的未来充其量也只能说惨淡无光And your future appears bleak at best.谢谢Thank you.而且你在印度教和牛的问题上是错的And you're wrong about hinduism and cows.拉杰你猜怎么着Hey,Raj,guess what.拉夫林教授正招募人员加入Professor Laughlin is looking for someone to join 恒星进化科研小组The stellar evolution research team.真的吗那太棒了You-you're kidding! That's fantastic!那你还在等什么打电话预约面试啊What are you waiting for? Call him and set up an interview. 现在就打I'm on it.这叫高兴对吗That's happy,right?-没错-搞定- Yeah. - Nailed it.库萨帕里博士请进Dr. Koothrappali,come on in.我很惊讶你居然想加入I was surprised to hear you were interested我们这个小团队In joining our little team.放弃那些海王星外星体了是吗Giving up on those trans-neptunian objects,are we?不不那是个很有前景的领域No,no,it's a very promising area.如果条件理想我愿意花数年在这课题上In a perfect world,I'd spend several more years on it.但我却不能放弃这个机会But I just couldn't pass up the opportunity与您共同研究这个令人无比兴奋To work with you on your tremendously exciting 且还未最终定论的假设上And not yet conclusively disproved hypothesis. 说的太精彩了Splendid.请坐Uh,please sit down.要来一杯雪利酒吗Can I offer you a Sherry?现在还为时过早不是吗It's a little early,isn't it?我们不在比邻星上[很暗的恒星意指还早]Not on Proxima Centauri.说的太好了That's very good.非常有趣但如果你不介意的话Jolly amusing,but if you don't mind,把我那杯留到泰坦星日落之时[土卫六日落晚]I'll hold off until suet on Titan.说的好Well done.我预感你将会I have a feeling you're going很好的融入这个团队的库萨帕里博士To fit in just fine,Dr. Koothrappali.谢谢称赞先生Thank you,sir.不好意思I'm sorry.我来晚了吗Am I late?不不时间正好No,no,no. Right on time.库萨帕里博士请允许我向你介绍Dr. Koothrappali,may I present来自麻省理工的麦思彤博士Dr. Millstone from MIT.她将领导我们的数据分析小组She'll be heading up our data analysis team. 很高兴认识你库萨帕里博士It's nice to meet you,Dr. Koothrappali.我读了您关于柯伊伯带物体大小分布的文章I read your paper on Kuiper Belt object size distribution. 我非常喜欢I really enjoy it.您是如何修正选择偏差的呢How did you correct for the selection bias?我进行了模拟测试Well,I ran a simulation that allowed me令我可以修正观测效率To correct for the observational efficiency.这实在是太牛了That's just fascinating.谢谢Thank you.你想在我的热水浴池里了解更多细节吗Would you like to hear more about it in my hot tub?那我们什么时候开始呢So,when do I start?你没得到工作是什么意思What do you mean you didn't get the job?你怎么可能得不到How could you not get it?你知道的他是英国人我是印度人{\c I'm indian.自甘地之后他们就对我们不大友好了Ever since Gandhi,they haven't liked us very much.等等你是说他对你有种族歧视Wait,are you saying that he discriminated against you? 因为我们应该提出控告Because we should file a complaint.可以是可以That's okay.已经有人来控告了A complaint's been filed.好了玩完了So,that's it.那是我最后的希望That was my last hope.我要被驱除出境了I'm going to be deported,狼狈地回到家里Sent home in disgrace,被我表亲桑杰冷嘲热讽Exposed to the sardonic barb of my cousin Sanjay.或许你们知道他的马甲Or,as you may know him,是AT&T的客服人员戴夫Dave from at&t customer service.我会很想你的I'm really going to miss you.你会来印度探望我吗Will you come visit me india?天那个貌似要17小时的飞机吧Gee,that's,like,a 17-hour flight.要不我们在中点相见How about I meet you halfway?中点是在离日本海岸线600英里的地方Halfway is 600 miles off the coast of japan. 干脆这样我们视频吧Tell you what,we'll Skype.先生们Gentlemen.-嗨-拉杰- Hey. - Raj,你得到了拉夫林教授的工作吗Did you get a job with Professor Laughlin?-没有-我猜也是- No. - I assumed as much.但别害怕But never fear.就像是无数的动作片里面Like the subordinate male protagonist那些次要男主角In countless action movies在影片放到一半时消失那样Who disappears half way through the second reel, 我现在回来拯救世界I have returned to save the day.奇怪了Odd.他通常都是在欢呼声中回归的Usually,he's met by cheers.不论如何我正想着探索Anyway,I was thinking about exploring超弦理论在The string theory implications暗物质湮灭时所放出的伽玛射线中的含义Of gamma rays from dark matter annihilations,我突然间发现我能利用And it occurred to me that I could benefit--打扰一下谢尔顿Excuse me,Sheldon.通常需要浪费多少卷胶片才能让次要的男主角How many reels before the subordine male protagonist 说到重点上Gets to s point?不好意思如果你没有为我的出场欢呼I'm sorry-- if you didn't cheer at my entrance,那你现在提出你的假设也为时已晚了It's too late to buy into the premise.不管怎么说我从系主任那里Anyway,I got some extra money获得了多余的资金From the head of the department,而拉杰可以来给我打工And Raj can come work for me.你想让我与你共事You want me to work with you?是给我打工For me.你今后在工作的时候You're going to have to listen必须要更仔细的听清我的话More careful when you're on the job.好吧但是可别搞错了Ay,uh,please don't take this the wrong way,我情愿在乳头上别张纸But I'd rather swim buck-naked across the Ganges 赤条条地游过恒河With a paper cut on my nipple抑或是染上病毒痛苦而挣扎着死掉And die a slow,agonizing death也不要和你一起工作From a viral infection than work with you.是为我工作For me.谢尔顿你在忙吗Sheldon,are you busy?这不废话么Of course I'm busy.那要我等你吗Shall I wait?当然了Yes,please能为你效劳吗How may I help you?我重新考虑了你提出的合作建议I've reconsidered your offer to let me work with you. 是为我工作For me是是为你工作Yes,for you.我接受但有几个条件I do,however,have a few conditions.首先任何情况下First,at all times,你都得把我看作同事平等对待I am to be treated as a colleague and an equal.其次在所有发表物上Second,my contributions shall noted都应注明我的名字和贡献In all published material.第三绝不许你在我面前And third,you are never allowed to lecture me挑剔我的印度教或印度文化On hinduism or my Indian culture.真令我感到钦佩拉杰I'm impressed,Raj.你提得条件中肯而合理Those are very cogent and reasonable conditions.谢谢Thank you.我统统拒绝I reject them all.那我就毫无选择了Then you leave me no choice.只能接受这份工作I accept the job.真抱歉我想你大概搞错了I'm sorry,I believe you've misunderstood.我才不是请你来工作I'm not giving you the job.我只是给你一个机会来应征I'm simply affording you the opportunity to apply for it. 坐下吧我们先来面试{\c we'll get started with the interview.靠你开玩笑吗Wha... You're kidding!请坐Please.好吧all right.好吧...So...你就穿这个来面试吗That's what you wear to an interview?行行好吧哥们我们可是多年的老友啊Come on,dude,we've been friends for years. 哇开始套近乎了吗Oh,pulling strings,are we?谢尔顿看在老天爷的份上别逼我求你Sheldon,for god's sakes,don't make me beg. 逗你玩!Bazinga!你是我经典实用笑话You've fallen victim的第N个受害者To another one of my classic practical jokes.我现在可是老板你敢说我的笑话不好笑?I'm your boss now. You may want to laugh at that. 二人世界的感觉真棒不是吗Ah,this is nice having the place to ourselves,isn't it? 唔唔Uh-huh.拉杰正和谢尔顿一起工作Now that raj is working for sheldon,我就不用开车载他了I don't have to chauffeur him around anymore.更重要的是他们工作到这么晚plus,yeah,with them working late so much,我们就能过二人世界了We get some privacy.嗯哼Mm-hmm.想来点儿刺激的吗Hey,want to get a little crazy?你想怎样What are you thinking?我们在谢尔顿的专座上狠狠干一场Let's slide over to sheldon's spot and make out.你可真是放荡You are a dirty girl.天啊他怎么知道Oh,god,how did he know?你们好啊Hello.嗨霍华德Hi,howard.我打扰你们了吗Am I interrupting?是有一点Little bit,yeah.我应该先打个电话来Guess I should have called.说得也是Yeah,maybe.今晚我通常都和拉杰一起Tonight's the night I usually go line dancing 去帕拉米诺跳排排舞With raj at the palomino.然后呢Uh-huh.但他现在却要和谢尔顿一起工作But he's working with sheldon.我们知道Yes,we know.要我走吗Want me to leave?也无所谓啦You know,whatever.那好我就在这消磨一会儿好了Okay,I guess I can hang for a little while.在看什么呢So what are we watching?哇欲望都市Sex and the city. Yikes.别换台我喜欢这部电影Hey,I happen to love this mie.好那就看吧Fine,let's watch it.好像我们的经期同步了哈Maybe all our periods will synchronize.好我们现在要设计一个实验All right,we're going to be designing an experiment以观察由于宇宙暗物质的碰撞To look for the annihilation spectrum而产生的光谱湮灭现象Resulting from dark matter collisions in space. 哇暗物质耶Ooh,dark matter.那我们最好带个手电筒We better bring a flashlight.开玩笑而已I was making a joke.我才是老板I'm the boss.只有我能开玩笑I make the jokes.抱歉你来吧Sorry go ahead and make your joke.现在有时间开玩笑吗This is not the time for joking.我们可是正儿八经地在做研究We're doing serious research,需要完全高度集中精神Which requires complete and utter focus.好那就全力开工吧All right,let's buckle down and work.("虎视眈眈" 电影洛奇主题曲幸存者乐队演奏) ("eye of the tiger" by survivor playing)-谢尔顿-咋了-Sheldon. -What?有脑残片么I need an aspirin.在头个抽屉里Top desk drawer.-谢了-好了吗-Thank you. -Alright?-是-很好-Yes. -Good.真是有趣That was fun.谢谢Thank you.莱纳德亲亲我们每一次嘿咻完Leonard,honey,you don't have to say thank you 你不用都说谢谢Every time we have sex.噢好Oh. Okay.明天你如果在信箱里看到张卡片Tomorrow you're going to get a card in the mail. 扔了它就是Just throw it away.两位早上好啊(爱尔兰腔)Top o' the mornin'o ya!你在这干嘛What are you doing here?平时星期天我都是和拉杰一起Well,usually,on Sundays,I go with raj去农贸市场骗骗嬉皮小妞To scam on hippie chicks at the farmers market, 但他还在谢尔顿那里工作But he's still working with sheldon,所以我想还是到这来So I thought I'd come over here给你们做一些炒鸡蛋和意大利香肠And make you guys scrambled eggs and salami. 最适合刚缠绵过的情侣It's the perfect meal for apres l'amour.噢杀了我吧Oh,kill me.顺便无意中听到你最后那猛地一下By the way,I couldn't help overhearing your big finish. 真有你的啊莱纳德Bravo,leonard.瞧如果我说杀了我的时候你杀了我See,if you had killed me when I said "kill me,"我就不会听到了I wouldn't have had to hear that.你们有何打算What do you guys think?想去看个日场演出吗Wanna take in a matinee,还是去溜旱冰Maybe go rollerblading,去上节健身踏板课程Catch a step class?-你倒是做点什么呢-好吧- Do something. - Okay.霍华德我们得谈谈Um,Howard,we need talk.好啊怎么了福尔摩斯Sure. wats up,Holmes?你得明白Uh... Please understand不是我们不想你呆在这儿That it's not that we don't want you around,但我和佩妮偶尔也需要...But Penny and I occasionally need some...独处一会儿Alone time.我明白了我当电灯泡了I-I get it,I'm the third wheel.抱歉我早该明白的Sorry,I should have seen that.我这就走I'll get out of your way.还有那些鸡蛋... 快趁热吃吧You're gonna want to eat those eggs while they're still hot. 谢谢Thank you.冰箱里还有熏鲑鱼和奶油芝士There's lox and cream cheese in the fridge.百吉饼在烤箱里我正在加热The bagels are in the oven.I was warming them up.太好了That's great.我就去跟我妈呆着好了反正一直都很好玩的I'm just going to hang out with my mother.That's always fun. 很好Good.我们是不是太坏了Are we terrible people?我不知道I don't know.那你想让我怎么办What do you want me to do?去追他吧带他回来{\c bring him back.你确定Are you sure?-对-好吧- Yeah. - Okay.霍华德回来吧Howard come back.你们还真让我担心了那么一会儿Oh,you guys had me scared for a minute.不对不对No,no,no,no!据我们对本次对撞的预测这个比率远远过低了That rate is much too low from what we'd expect from this collision. 你到底明不明白Do you understand我们在讨论的是暗物质在外层空间的对撞We're talking about Dark Matter colliding in outer space?我当然明白Of course I understand.你算哪根葱来跟我讨论外层空间And who are you to tell me about outer space?我是天体物理学家I'm the astrophysicist.天体就意味着外太空"astro" means "space"天体是指星星"astro" means "star"好吧这么跟你说吧Okay,well,let me just tell you,如果这会儿是用我的母语在跟你争论If we having this argument in my native language 我早就把你杀得片甲不留I'd be kicking your butt.英语本来就是你的母语English is your native language.好吧这个让你说对了但这边你确实错了Okay,you got me there,but you're wrong about this! 错误和幻想还是有微妙区别的There is a fine line between wrong and visionary.不幸的是想看我出错除非你做梦Unfortunately you have to be a visionary to see it. 我的天你还真以为蹦到你脑子里的My god,you think that every thought每一个想法一定都是真金不怕火炼的That comes out of your head is pure gold.我告诉你Well,let me tell you something.你有些想法它就是一堆粪球Some of those thoughts are pure caca.粪球Caca就是一坨屎It means "doo-doo."够了All right!首先库萨帕里博士First of all,Dr. Koothrappali,我当初提议你跟我共事的时候...When I first proposed that you work with me..这么说我是跟你共事咯Aha! So I am working with you.在此语境下"跟我共事"就是指"为我做事"In this context,"with me" means for me."好吧在此语境下...Ah,well,in this context...你说我错了证明给我看If I'm wrong,prove it.好吧Okay.这里我们推导出了暗物质粒子的质量Here's where we derive the mass of the Dark Matter particle. 不不No,no,no.你对它原子量的表述是错误的You've misstated the atomic weight of the target.-让我说完-你这是在毁了我的研究- Let me finish. - You're defacing my work.不对我是在修正你的研究I'm not defacing it,I'm fixing it.-把白板擦给我-不要- Give me the eraser. - No.我说了把白板擦给我I said give it to me.有本事就来拿Come and get it.好吧Fine.上帝啊Oh,lord.库萨帕里博士Dr. Koothrappali,我以你上级的身份禁止你在我的白板上写字As your superior,I forbid you from writing on my board! 你才不是我的上级You are not my superior.从各方面看我都占优势I am in every way.是吗Oh,yeah?这个你能做到吗Can you do this?很高兴与您共事Nice working with you.抱歉说错了是为您做事I'm sorry-- for you.拉杰Raj...拉杰拉杰Raj... Raj...我很忙I'm busy.忙什么Doing what?好吧你说得很清楚了All right,you've made your point. 你来干什么谢尔顿What do you want,Sheldon?我仔细看了板上的内容I looked over the board结果证明你是对的And it turns out you were right.-这么说你错了-我可没这么说- So you were wrong. - I didn't say that.这是唯一合乎逻辑的推理That's the only logical inference.尽管如此反正我没说过Nevertheless,I didn't say it.总之我想请你回来帮我做事Anyway,I would like you to come back and work for me. 是帮你做事还是跟你共事For you or with you?在此语境下"帮我做事"也指"跟我共事"In this coext "for me" could mean "with me."好吧但我有几个条件All right,but I have some conditions.-我一概拒绝-我接受这份工作- I reject them all. - I'll take the job.周一见See you Monday.等等你得载我回家Wait,you have to drive me home.-你怎么来的-走路来的- How did you get here? - I walked.-那就再走回去-不行- So walk home. - I can't.外面有条大狗...There's a big dog outside...回家路上我们可以开始想想On the way home,we can start thinking为500GeV的粒子优化探测器的办法About methods of optimizing the detector for 500 GeV particles 好吧All right.。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E06 – The Cornhusker VortexScene: The stairwell. The guys are carrying kites.Leonard: Kites, ho!Howard: Kites ho!Raj: Kites ho!All three: Kites, ho!Sheldon: Excuse me. You’re misusing the word ho. It’s an interjection used to call attention to a destination, not an object, as in, uh, Land, ho! Or, uh, Westward, ho!The three guys: Kites, ho!Penny: Hey, guys. What you doing? Going out to discover electricity?Sheldon:If you’re referring to the work of Benjamin Franklin, he did not discover electricity, he merely used a kite to determine that lightning consists of electricity. He also invented the Franklin stove, bifocals and the flexible urinary catheter. Kites, ho.Leonard: We’re heading out for some kite fighting. Penny: Kite fighting?Leonard:Oh, yeah. It’s an extremely competitive, cutthroat sport.Sheldon: Well, actually, the risk of throat cutting is very low. On the other hand, severe string burn is a real and ever-Present danger.Leonard: You want to come watch?Penny: Oh, gee, sounds amazing, but, um, I’ve got some friends coming over. Not a big thing, we’re just gonna watch the Nebraska game.Leonard: Oh. Football, sure.Howard: Good guess.Penny:I would’ve invited you, but I know you’re not a football fan.Leonard: No, no, I’m not, so, great. You’ve got plans doing something you like, I’ve got plans doing something I like, so it’s good.Penny:Well, maybe we’ll hang out later, you know, after everybody’s gone.Leonard: Yeah, great.Penny: See ya.Leonard: Well, this sucks.Sheldon:I’m sorry, I got bored and drifted off. Where exactly in the interaction did the sucking lie? Raj:Leonard just realized that Penny’s been hiding him from her friends because he’s a tiny, little man who flies kites.Sheldon: Oh, that certainly would suck.Credits sequence.Scene: The park.Sheldon: Wolowitz is trying to outflank us. Let out some string, add altitude and I’ll go under and cut his line.Leonard: Why wouldn’t Penny want her friends to meet me?Sheldon: Focus, Leonard, focus! The heat of battle is upon us, the dogs of war are unleashed. Leonard: Maybe Koothrappali’s right, maybe I embarrass her.Sheldon: You’re embarrassing me right now, a grown man worrying about such nonsense when in the middle of flying kites.Leonard: Sorry.Sheldon: Sorry won’t bring their kites down. Ow! String burn! String burn!Raj: Oh, they think we’re flanking, they’re playing right into our hands. On the count of three, we execute the flying scissor. One, two…Howard: Whoa! Did you see that?Raj: See what?Howard: That chick, she smiled at me.Raj: No, she didn’t.Howard: Yes, she did.Raj: Come on, scissors, scissors!Howard: Hold my line.Raj:Wait, what are you doing? I can’t scissors by myself! Howard! Come back!Sheldon: Victory!Raj: Son of a bitch.Scene: Leonard’s car.Raj: You’re a sucky friend, you know that? A sucky, sucky friend.Howard: What was I supposed to do? She gave me that come-hither look.Raj: If she gave you any look at l. It was a you suck look.Howard: I would’ve caught up to her if I hadn’t pulled a hammy.Raj:Oh, please, you weigh 80 pounds. You don’t have a hammy.Leonard: So, Penny doesn’t want me around her friends, I embarrass her. What else could it be? Sheldon: Well, her actions could be out of concern for your f eelings. Perhaps she’s excluded you from these gatherings because she’s scouting for a new mate and doesn’t want to do it in front of you. Leonard: Oh, how kind of her.Sheldon:Agreed. Most primates don’t show that sort of discretion. A female bonobo will copulate with a new male in front of the old one without so much as a how do you do?Raj: You always do this, you know? You ditch me for a woman you don’t have a shot with. Howard: I totally had a shot.Raj: With a woman you were chasing through a park? T hat’s not a shot, that’s a felony. What’s worse, it cost me my prized Patang fighting kite. Sheldon, I don’t suppose there’s any chance you could give me my kite back?Sheldon:I’m sorry, Raj, but the rules of aerial warfare dictate at the fallen kite go to the victor. And without rules, the competition has no meaning. And without meaning, the following would be an empty gesture. (Sings) I have your kite. I have your kite.Scene: Penny’s apartment.Leonard: Hey.Penny: Hi.Leonard: How was your football party?Penny: I t was pretty good. We won.Leonard:Oh, that’s excellent. It’s a weird figure of speech, isn’t it, we won when you weren’tactually playing. When we watch Star Wars, we don’t say, we defeated the Empire.Penny:I’m glad to hear it.Leonard: Oh, hey, on a related subject, are you embarrassed to have me around your friends? Penny: Oh, my god, no. Why would you ask that? Leonard:Well, you know, I just noticed I haven’t really met any of them.Penny: Sure you have.Leonard:Well, yeah, no, I met the huge ex-boyfriend and the smaller yet still larger than me ex-boyfriend. Were they here today?Penny: Of course not.Leonard: Of course not. Why would they be? Why would I ask? Why am I rambling? Why don’t you stop me?Penny:Leonard, look, if you want to meet my friends, that would be great. I just, you know, I didn’t want you to be bored.Leonard: I wouldn’t be bored. Why would I be bored?Penny: Well, ’cause they’re not genius scientists. Leonard: Penny, I like all sorts of people. In fact, some of my best friends aren’t geniuses.Penny: Like who?Leonard: Okay, some of my Facebook friends aren’t geniuses. My point is, if we’re going to be a couple, I should be friends with your friends. Penny: Okay, great. Well, then why don’t you come over next Saturday and watch the game with us. Leonard: Another football game?Penny: They have them every week.Leonard: Did not know that.Penny: You wanted to meet my friends. Leonard: Sure, sure, just I don’t know much about football.Penny: Oh, that’s okay, a lot of the guys’ girlfriends don’t know football. They just kind of drink and talk in the kitchen.Leonard: Great.Scene: The apartment. Leonard and Raj are watching a football game on the television. Leonard: Okay, a complete pass. First down, New England. I think I’m starting to get this.Raj: Really? The only thing I’ve learned in the last two hours is that American men love drinking beer, pee too often and have trouble getting erections. Leonard: Focus on the game, not the commercials, Raj.Raj: I’m just sa ying, maybe if you people cut back on the beer, you could get out of the bathroom and satisfy your women without pharmaceutical help. Howard (arriving): Raj, what are you doing here? You were supposed to help me pimp out my Vespa. Raj:I’m sorry, are you u nder the impression that we’re still friends?Howard: Oh come on, you’re not still grinding on the kite thing, are you?Raj:It’s not just the kite thing. Every time we go some place, you think you can just dump me whenever someone prettier comes along, even though you don’t have a shot with them.Howard: But I had a shot with that jogger.Raj: Fine. Paint green flames on your little scooter with her. (Leaves)Howard: It’s not a little scooter. It’s the second biggest Vespa they make! Are you watching football?Leonard:There’s no fooling you. Now, what is this sacks statistic they put up there?Howard: All I know about Saks is, my mother shops there.Leonard: Sacks, sacks…Sheldon:It’s football nomenclature for when a quarterback is tackled behind the line of scrimmage.Leonard:Huh… Scrimmage…Sheldon:The line of scrimmage is the imaginary transverse line separating the offence from the defence.Leonard: Oh.Howard: Sheldon knows football?Leonard: Apparently.Howard: I mean, Quidditch, sure. But football? Leonard: Sheldon, how do you know this stuff? Sheldon: I grew up in Texas. Football is ubiquitous in Texas. Pro football, college football, high school football, peewee football, in fact, every form of football except the original, European football, which most Texans believe to be a Commie plot. Leonard: Unbelievable.Sheldon:If you’re interested, I also know all about frying meat that isn’t chicken as if it were chicken. Leonard: So you could teach me?Sheldon: Football or chicken-fried meats? Leonard: Football. I’m going to Penny’s on Saturday to watch a game with her friends and I don’t want to look like an idiot. I want to blend in. Sheldon: I f you want to blend in with Penny’s friends, I’d think looking like an idiot would be the perfect camouflage.Leonard: Come on, Sheldon, please teach me about football. It’ll be fun.Sheldon: That’s exactly what my father said. Come to the games, watch the games, week in and week out from the time I was five until I went off to college. Longest seven years of my life. Leonard: Please, I’m asking you as a friend. Sheldon: Are you making this a tier one friendship request? Leonard: Yes.Sheldon: Fine.Leonard: I really appreciate this.Sheldon: Yeah, yeah. All right, Poindexter, sit down, shut up and listen.Leonard:I’m sorry?Sheldon: That’s how my father always began our football conversations. And if you’d like, after the game, I’ll take you outside and teach you how to shoot close enough to a racoon that it craps itself.Scene: The kitchen. Sheldon is making toast in a cylon toaster which burns an image of a cylon onto the toast.Leonard: When are you going to stop making Cylon toast?Sheldon: When I have enough to destroy all the human toast on the battlestar known as Galactica. Is that what you’re wearing to watch football at Penny’s?Leonard: What’s wrong with a football jersey? Sheldon: Nothing. That, however, appears to be a football cocktail dress.Leonard:I’s the smallest size they had, except the one for dogs. I can’t believe they had one for dogs. Sheldon: Oh, yes. Canine football fans are a common sight in Texas. Cats, however, refuse to wear sporting apparel. My sister found that out the hard way.Leonard: Anyway, wish me luck.Sheldon: Leonard, wait. Am I correct in assuming that your attempt to be a ccepted by Penny’s peers is based on your desire to ensure your continuing mating privileges with her?Leonard:Well, I wouldn’t put it exactly that way. Sheldon: How would you put it?Leonard: Y eah, okay, like you said.Sheldon: Huh. Seems like an awful lot of trouble to go through for intercourse. Don’t you have access to women who will do it for money? By the way, another accepted usage for the term ho. Leonard: Good-Bye, Sheldon.Sheldon: Hold on I believe that social convention dictate you not arrive empty-Handed. Would you like to bring some Cylon toast?Leonard:Yeah, no, I’m trying to fit in, not get laughed at.Sheldon:What’s funny about Cylon toast?Scene: Raj’s apartment. Raj is watching a Bollywood movie. There is a knock on the door. Raj: It’s open.Howard: Hey, pal.Raj: What do you want?Howard: I brought you a little gift. New kite.Raj: The kite you made me lose was an authentic Patang, an Indian fighting kite that my brother sent to me from New Delhi. It took me a day to put together and two days to paint. This is Hello Kitty. Howard: Yeah, but it comes with a little coin purse. Does a Patang?Raj: Wow, you just don’t get it, do you? Buying me something pretty isn’t going to make our problem just go away.Howard: Look, I admit I haven’t alw ays been the best friend I could be.Raj: You’ve been a sucky friend, a sucky, sucky friend.Howard: Stipulated.Raj: And you do it all the time. Last week in the mall at Radio Shack, we were looking for a phone with giant numbers for your mother, and I suddenly realize you’re not even there.Howard: I know, I know.Raj: And where were you?Howard: Getting shot down by the girl at Hot Dog on a Stick. But in my defence, she was gorgeous, and working that squeezer to make the lemonade, going up and down and up and down. It was like a free pole dance right in the middle of the food court. Raj:You’re impossible.Howard: Hey, at least I can talk to women without being drunk.Raj: Excuse me, I have selective mutism, a recognized medical disorder. You’re just a do uche. Howard: No. You know what? Maybe that’s what this whole thing’s about. You’re not mad at me, you’re mad at yourself.Raj:No, I’m mad at you. I hate myself, but I’m mad at you.Howard: Fine. You’re mad at me. I get it. Now, how about we go spend the day together? Just the two of us. We’ll go anywhere you want.Raj: I don’t know.Howard: Come on. Let me take you someplace nice. Raj:I… I do enjoy the La Brea Tar Pits.Howard: Really, now? With the traffic and the parking, it’s… okay, fine. The Tar Pits. Let’s go. Raj: Oh, why can’t I stay mad at you?Scene: Penny’s apartment. Everyone is watching football.Leonard: Go! Go! Go! Go-Go-Go-Go! Yes! Are you people watching this? Is this amazing or what? Penny:Sweetie, that’s a highlight from the ’98 championship game.Leonard: Oh. Did not know that.Penny: How much beer have you had? Leonard: None, why?Penny: Oh. I was just kind of hoping you were drunk. Now we’re back live.Leonard: Okay, yeah. I can see the difference. Guy in baseball hat:Oh, where’s the flag, that’s intentional grounding.Second guy: Totally.Leonard: That completely was a forward pass, which they threw intentionally incomplete to avoid loss of yardage or to conserve time. I can’t believe they’re not being penalized with the loss of a d own and by having to move the line of scrimmage back to the spot of the foul.Penny: Here, have some pizza, sweetie. Leonard: Penny, you know I’m lactose intolerant. Penny: I know. I just need you stop talking. Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny.(Knock, knock, knock) Penny.Penny: Sheldon, come in.Sheldon: Thank you. I’d like to make a sandwich, but I’m out of bread.Penny: There’s some in the fridge.Sheldon:You shouldn’t keep your bread in the refrigerator. Staleness is caused by crystallization of the starch molecules, which occurs faster at cool temperatures.Penny: On Earth, we say thank you.Sheldon: So Leonard, how goes the mimesis? Leonard: Mimesis?Sheldon: You know. Mimesis. An action in which the mimic takes on the properties of a specific object or organism. Mimesis.Leonard: What the hell are you talking about? Sheldon: I’m attempting to communicate with youwithout my meaning becoming apparent to those around you. Let me try again. Have the indigenous fauna accepted you as one of their own? Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.Leonard: Oh, I guess so.Sheldon: Good. Oh, FYI. After I eat my sandwich, I’m taking Koothrappali’s Patang kite out for a test run. Would you like to get your delta-wing raptor and join me?Leonard: I don’t want to fly kites, Sheldon. We’re watching football here.Sheldon: I can see that. I was providing you with an alternative. A courtesy I was never offered in similar circumstances.Leonard:Oh, look at that. The Oklahoma coach has thrown down a red flag indicating he’s challenging the ruling on the field. I hope he’s right, ’cause if he’s not, it’ll cost him one of his three time-Outs.Penny: You know, Leonard, honey, I wouldn’t mind if you wanted to go fly kites with Sheldon. Leonard: No, I’ll watch the end of the game. Besides, there’s only three minutes left.Penny: Until half time.Leonard: This is just half? We’ve been here for hours.Penny: And you’re gonna be here for a couple more.Leonard:Oh, you’re kidding me.Penny: No.Leonard: Nice meeting all of you.Penny: So, yeah, anyway, that’s my boyfriend. He is really smart.Scene: The Le Brea Tar Pits.Raj: I really like my saber-toothed cat. Thank you. Howard: My pleasure. Maybe after lunch, we can go to Marie Callender’s and have some pie.Raj: I’d like that. This is turning out to be a perfect Saturday.Howard: Good. I’m glad. Oh, man. Did you see the way she smiled at me?Raj: Fine. Go ahead.Howard: No. This is our day.Raj: If you want to chase after her, chase after her. Howard: Ah, who am I kidding? I wouldn’t have a shot with a girl like that.Raj:Don’t put yourself down. You’re a very attractive man.Howard: You think so?Raj: Yeah. Absolutely. It wouldn’t kill you to take a Pilates class with me now and then, but you have a certain wiry appeal.Howard:Yeah, well, it doesn’t matter ‘cause she wasn’t really smiling at me.Raj: Actually, in this case, I think she was. Howard: Really?Raj: Yeah.Howard: Bye.Raj: What a douche.。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E12 – The Psychic VortexScene: The apartment.Leonard:Look at us. Getting ready for a double date with actual women who publicly acknowledge they’re our girlfriends.Howard: Yes, actual women are the best.Sheldon: I don’t understand. What other kind of women are there?Leonard: Howard, artificial women are your department. You want to take this?Howard:No, it would just freak him out. Listen, before we leave, I should warn you, I’m a passionate man and I tend towards public displays of affection.Leonard: What are you trying to tell me, Howard?Howard: There might be some making out in the car or the restaurant, and I don’t want Bernadette to feel uncomfortable, so it would help if you and Penny made out, too.Leonard: D on’t worry. We’re planning to have sex right on the salad bar.Raj(arriving): Namaste, white people. Good news! I rented us the four-hour edition of Watchmen. Leonard: Got it.Howard: Seen it.Sheldon: Detailed analysis posted online.Raj: Well, then what are we going to do tonight?Leonard: Uh, sorry, Raj. Howard and I are going out to dinner with Penny and Bernadette.Howard: Yeah, no more carefree bachelor nights for me and Leonard. These broncos have been saddled. Leonard: How did we get actual women?Raj: Great. They get girlfriends, and they just abandon us?Sheldon:It is great, isn’t it? We have a wonderful evening ahead of us.Raj: We do?Sheldon:Oh, yes. I just discovered I don’t have enough room on my hard drive for a Linux partition, so you and I are going to perform a full backup, reinitialize and then reinstall all my operating systems.Raj:I don’t want to do that.Sheldon:All right. Well, I’m going to perform full backup, reinitialize and then reinstall all my operating systems.Raj: What about me?Sheldon: Well, I understand there are several types of artificial women. Maybe you should look into that.Credits sequence.Scene: A little later.Raj: Dude, there’s so many cool things we could be doing tonight. Look. At the Glendale Galleria, put on your best zoot suit, it’s a salute to Swing music in the center court near Macy’s. 5pm to 9pm, huh, huh? A salute to zoot. Sounds like a hoot.Sheldon: I’m sorry, Raj, I have no desire to salute any article of clothing tonight. Much less one that’s linked to race riots in the 1940s.Raj: Race riots?Sheldon: The zoot suit riots.Raj: Oh. I always thought that was some sort of after-Christmas sale. Well, then why don’t we just go to the galleria and walk around?Sheldon:I don’t need anything at the G alleria. Do you need anything at the Galleria?Raj: No. We would just walk around and see what’s what.Sheldon: That’s a semantically null sentence.Raj: Okay, well, how about this? From the university Web site, 7pm to 10pm, Norton Hall Multipurpose Room, mixer for grad students and faculty of the science and humanities departments. Whether you split atoms or infinitives, this is the place to be.Sheldon: Well, that’s certainly amusing, but I have no interest.Raj: Come on, Sheldon, the world is filled with people doing things outside. Let’s go outside. Outside is good.Sheldon: If outside is so good, why has mankind spent thousands of years trying to perfect inside?Raj:I don’t know, it’s a marketing scheme. Please, Sheldon, I’m a young, virile visitor fro m a foreign land and I need to strut my stuff.Sheldon: Let me offer you a compromise. Sometimes when I feel stifled and want a change of scenery, I use my imagination.Raj: Oh, boy.Sheldon:One of my favourite places to visit is the two-dimensional world described in Edwin Abbott’s mathematical fantasy, Flatland.Raj:I don’t want to go to Flatland.Sheldon:You’re only saying that because you haven’t been there. I am now a hexagon in two-dimensional space and can only perceive the edges of other objects.Raj: Oy.Sheldon: Is that you, Raj? I don’t recognize your edge.Raj: Sheldon, I’m begging you. I want to go to this mixer, and I don’t want to go alone.Sheldon: Well, you’re in luck, there’s a mixer here in Flatland. Oh, look, there’s a sexually attract ive line segment, you should chat her up.Raj: What?Sheldon:Tell her you’re a circle, Flatland gals are all hot for circles.Scene: Leonard’s car.Leonard: I hope you’re hungry, Bernadette, we’re going to a terrific restaurant.Bernadette: Oh, yeah, I’m starved. When you spend all day in a bio-lab, watching flesh-eating bacteria skeletonize small rodents it really works up an appetite.Howard: Flesh-eating bacteria. And yet, I still want to kiss this woman, what does that tell you?Penny: That you’d be w illing to die a horrible death on the off-chance you’d get to second base? Bernadette: Oh, we’re way past second base. Right, Howard?Howard: Well, we kind of disagree about what the bases are.Bernadette: How’s your work going, Penny? Any acting jobs?Penny: Well, the last big thing I did was this production of Diary of Anne Frank above a bowling alley. But I think things might be turning around pretty soon.Leonard: Great. How come?Penny: Well, promise you won’t make fun of me.Leonard: Of course, I would never make fun of you.Penny: Okay. Well, I went to this psychic who told me that if I cut my hair, I’m going to get a national commercial.Leonard (laughing): Seriously? You’re getting career advice from a psychic?Howard: Good job not making fun of her.Penny: She’s not one of those phonies, okay. She wrote a book and has her own Web site.Leonard:Oh, gee, why didn’t you say so? They don’t let just anyone have a Web site.Penny: Why are you being such a jerk?Leonard:You’re surprised? Your psychic didn’t tell you I was going to be a jerk?Penny: Ha-ha, bite me.Leonard: Come on, Penny.Howard: Why don’t you kids go ahead and chat? We’re gonna make out back here.Bernadette:I’m sliding into third.Scene: The university mixer.Raj: Thanks for coming with me.Sheldon: Thanks for giving me your limited edition Green Lantern lantern.Raj: Did you really have to bring it in with you?Sheldon: What if evil strikes and my power ring runs low?Raj: Come on, let’s get a drink.Sheldon:I don’t drink.Raj: Yeah, well I do. And when my wingman is carrying a Green Lantern lantern, I drink a lot. I’ll have a screwdriver, please. Don’t be chintzy with the screw.Sheldon: I would like a root beer float.Raj: Sheldon, they don’t have ice cream.Sheldon: They don’t? Wel l, apparently, these people and I differ greatly on the definition of party.Raj:He’ll have a Shirley Temple.Sheldon: And don’t be chintzy with the Shirley.Raj: Okay, let’s check out the females.Sheldon:All right. There’s a female.Raj: T hat’s Professor Wilkinson’s wife, she’s like 80 years old.Sheldon: But she’s female. Isn’t that the game?Raj:No. I’m looking for a hookup.Sheldon: Oh, yes. So, the point of this exercise is for you to find someone to copulate with?Raj: Not so loud, but ideally, yes. Thanks.Sheldon: Thank you. And what is my function as wingman?Raj: You help me run my game.Sheldon: Okay. What is your game?Sheldon: When I lie through my teeth to a woman, you nod and agree.Girl:Hey, that’s pretty cool. What is it?Sheldon:It’s a limited edition Green Lantern lantern. My friend is looking for someone to copulate with. Girl: You’re very funny. I’m Abby.Sheldon: I’m Sheldon. How do you do?Raj: How do you do? Rajesh Ramayan Koothrappali. Call me Raj.Abby: Hi, Raj. Where are you from?Raj: The mysterious subcontinent of India.Abby: Ooh, India.Raj: You know India?Abby: I saw Slumdog Millionaire.Raj: Well, I’m a slumdog astrophysicist.Sheldon: I thought your father was a gynaecologist. I’m sorry. (Smiles and nods)Abby: Martha, come here. Meet Raj and Sheldon. This is my friend, Martha.Martha: Hi.Raj: Hello.Sheldon: Hello.Martha: Is that the limited edition Green Lantern lantern?Sheldon: In brightest day, in darkest night, no evil shall escape my sight.Martha: Oh, that is so awesome.Sheldon: Thank you. Have you chosen one to copulate with?Scene: A restaurant.Bernadette: So, what should we talk about?Howard: Well, we could always learn more about why people who believe in psychics are idiots. Leonard? Penny: Oh, we don’t need to talk about that anymore. Leonard covered it pretty well in the car. Leonard: I’m sorry, but facts are facts.Penny:Right, and if you can’t understand it, it’s not a fact.Leonard: No, if it’s not a fact, it’s not a fact.Penny: Oh, got it. Thank you for educating me.Leonard: You’re welcome. How’s your fish?Penny: Amazing. Would you like to try some?Leonard: Yeah, sure.Penny:Well, the fact is, you can’t.Leonard:Come on, Howard, Bernadette, you’re both scientists. Help me out here.Howard: Wh at do you think? Want to jump right into the middle of another couple’s argument? Bernadette: No, thank you.Howard: Sorry.Leonard: Maybe we should just stop talking about this.Penny: Maybe some of us should stop talking altogether.Waiter: How is everything tonight?Bernadette: Really uncomfortable.Scene: The stairwell.Leonard:You know, the best thing about being in a committed, monogamous, mutually supportive relationship is that even if you have different ideas, you can have a spirited debate, yet still care for, even make love with… (she shuts the door in his face) Want your fish? (Opens door, takes fish, closes it again) I knew you were going to do that. Doesn’t make me psychic! Attaboy, Leonard, make it worse. (Opens his own apartment door to find Sheldon, Raj and the two girls playing Rock Band and performing American Woman)Leonard:What’s going on?Sheldon: We scored. I’m the wingman.Scene: Leonard’s lab.Howard: Hey.Leonard(handing him protective glasses): Laser.Howard: Had a great night last night. I don’t like to kiss and tell, but somebody made it to eighth base. Leonard: What the hell is eighth base?Howard: Seventh base with shirt off. Well, my shirt. How’d things go with Penny?Leonard:Oh, couldn’t be better.Howard: Are we taking our relationship frustrations out on innocent Cylons?Leonard:It’s not just Cylons. Superman’s next.Howard: All right, I was going to try to squeeze in a little more mocking before lunch, but I can come back later when you don’t have a high-powered weapon.Leonard: How can I go out with a woman who believes in psychics?Howard: Hey, I once dated a girl who believed she was abducted by aliens.Leonard:And that didn’t bother you?Howard: Au contraire. It meant she was gullible and open to a little probing.Leonard:What am I supposed to do, pretend I believe something I don’t whenever I’m with Penny? Howard:Hey, I’m sure Penny fakes all kinds of things when she’s with you.Leonard: Do me a favour, lean over, put your head right here.Howard: Let me show you another way to look at this. Here we have the universe of all women. These are the ones you want to sleep with. These are the women who believe exactly what you believe. These are the women who would be willing to sleep with you. And right there in theli ttle triple intersection is your ideal mate. Odds are she’s a short physicist with low self-esteem who lives in a government research facility in China.Leonard: What’s your point? In order to keep having a sexual relationship with Penny, I have to give up everything I believe in, my intellectual integrity, the very nature of who I am? I can’t do that, Howard. Howard: I respect that. (Takes Leonard’s hand, draws a dot on it.)Leonard: What is that?Howard: Your new girlfriend. Have fun tonight.Scene: The apartment. Sheldon is learning Finnish.Sheldon:The dog… koira. The roof… katto. Grapes… ryp leet. (There is a knock on the door) One minute. Sis n.Raj: What was that?Sheldon:It means come in. It’s taking forever to load the new operating system on my computer. I disinfected the kitchen and the bathroom, and now I thought I’d learn Finnish.Raj: (Hindi)That’s Hindi for whatever floats your boat. Uh, listen, I got a text from that girl Abby, and she and her friend Martha want to hang out with us again. What do you say?Sheldon: I don’t say anything. I merely offer you a facial expression that suggests you’ve gone insane. Raj: I don’t get it. You had a great time.Sheldon: Yes, exactly, I had a great time. That’s done, I’ve moved on to other things. For example, after I learn Finnish, I’m not going to learn Finnish again.Raj: Please, Sheldon, I’m a lost Indian boy far from home, and I want a girlfriend and I want her to be Abby, and she’ll only come over if she can bring Martha.Sheldon: Raj, I highly doubt there is any argument you can make, threat you might levy, rhetorical strategy, plea, invocation, supplication, or… vetoomus that you can employ that would convince me to reconsider. Raj: My Incredible Hulk hands signed by Stan Lee.Sheldon: Oh, my. I’ve admired these for years.Raj: So does that mean we can go with the girls again?Sheldon: Hulk agree to second date with puny humans!Raj:You can’t wear the hands on the date.Sheldon: Hulk sad.Scene: The laundry room.Leonard: Hey. Cleaning out the old dryer lint, huh? Not only is it courteous, it’s safety smart. Every year, 15,000 fires are caused by accidental dryer lint ignition. Now you’re supposed to say, wow, what an interesting fact. Come here, you crazy, nerdy guy. I could never be mad at you.Penny: Wow, that’s all you got after you were the most obnoxious person on a double date that included Howard Wolowitz?Leonard:No, I’m sorry. I really am. It’s not right to mock what a person believes in.Penny: Thank you. Would you be willing to go to my psychic and see what it’s all about?Leonard: Would you be willing to read a book that concisely explains how all psychics are frauds? Penny: I would not.Leonard:Okay, let’s go see your psychic.Penny: Really?Leonard: Well, yeah, one of us has to keep an open mind.Penny: You saying I don’t have an open mind?Leonard: No, not at all. Let me help you with this stuff.Penny: You know, I believe in ghosts, too.Leonard: Great.Penny: And astrology.Leonard: I know, and pyramid power and healing crystals.Penny: Oh, no, no, no, crystals don’t work.Leonard: Really, that’s the line? Psychics are real, but crystals are voodoo?Penny:Oh, voodoo’s real. You don’t want to mess with voodoo.Scene: The apartment.Martha: Flatland is more than just a mathematical essay. It is also a treatise on Victorian social mores. Sheldon: You know, I had never considered that. Wow, that’s going to completely change my visits there. Well, it’s late.Martha: Uh-huh.Sheldon: Time for bed.Martha: Okay.Sheldon: Good night, puny human! (He gets up and leaves).Scene: Outside Sheldon’s bedroom.Martha: Sheldon?Sheldon: Yes?Martha: Listen, they’re kind of getting busy in the living room, and I was wondering if I could hang out in here for a while.Sheldon: Well, I suppose. Com e in. I’ll sleep in Leonard’s room. Good night。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E01 – The Electric Can Opener FluctuationPreviously on The Big Bang Theory...[Scene: Opening shows some scenes from the final episode of the previous season, followed by the caption “Three months later.” Scene then opens in lobby, with the guys arriving home from the North Pole. All have long hair and bushy beards except Sheldon, whose hair is slightly longer and who has a goatee.]Sheldon：I am going to the Arctic Circle with Leonard,Walowitz,and Koothrappali.Penny：For three months? -Sheldon：Yes.Leonard：What did you mean when you said you were going to miss me?Penny：It means I wish you weren't going.[three month later]Leonard：Oh,thank God we're home.Howard：I can't believe we spent three months in that frozen hell.Rajesh：It was like a snowy nightmare from which there was no awakening.Sheldon：I don't know what Arctic expedition you guys were on,but I thought it was a hoot and a half.Sheldon：Oh,hi,Mom. No,I told you I'd call you when I got home. I'm not home yet.All right,I'm home.The Arctic expedition was a remarkable success.I'm all but certain there's a Nobel Prize in my future. Actually,I shouldn't say that.I'm entirely certain. No,Mother,I could not feel your church group praying for my safty. The fact that I'm home safe does not prove that it worked. The logic is post hoc ergo propter hoc. No,I'm not sassing you in Eskimo talk. Leonard I'm gonna go let Penny know we're back.Sheldon：Mother,I have to go.Yeah,love you. Bye.Hello,old friend.Daddy's home.Penny：Leonard,you're back.Leonard：Yeah. I just stopped by to say-- hmph!Yeah. So,hi.Penny：Hi.(They stumble, kissing, into her apartment and slam the door shut)Howard：Damn it,I should have gone over and told her we were back.Rajesh：Yeah,it was first-come,first-serve.Credits Sequence[Scene: A moment later.]Sheldon：I just want you both to know, When I publish my findings,I won't forget your contributions. Howard：Great.Rajesh：Thanks.Sheldon：Of course,I can't mention you in my Nobel acceptance speech, but when I get around to writing my memoirs, you can expect a very effusive footnote and perhaps a signed copy.Rajesh：We have to tell him.Sheldon：Tell me what?You fellows are planning a party for me,aren't you?Howard：Okay,Sheldon,sit down.Sheldon：If there's going to be a theme I should let you know that I don't care for luau,toga or "under the sea."Howard：Yeah,we'll keep that in mind. Look...We need to talk to you about something that happened at the North Pole.Sheldon：If this is about the night the heat went out,there's nothing to be embarrassed about.Rajesh：It's not about that.Howard：And we agreed never speak of it again.Sheldon：So we slept together naked.It was only to keep our core body temperatures from plummeting. Howard：He's speaking about it.Rajesh：For me,it was a bonding moment.Howard：Sheldon,you remember the first few weeksWe were looking for magnetic monopoles And not finding anything and you were acting like an obnoxious,giant dictator?Rajesh：thought we were going to be gentle with him.Howard：That's why I added the "tator."And then when we finally got our first positive data, you were so happy.Sheldon：Oh,yes. In the world of emoticons,I was colon,capital "D."Howard：Well,in actuality,what your equipment detected wasn't so much evidence of paradigm- shifting monopoles as it was...static from the electric can opener we were turning on and off.Rajesh：He just went colon,capital "O."Sheldon：You tampered with my experiment?Howard：We had to.Rajesh：It was the only way to keep you from being such a huge Dickensian.You see that? I add the "ensian."Sheldon：Did Leonard know abouthis?Leonard's my best friend in the world.Surely Leonard didn't know. Howard：Actually,it was his idea.Sheldon：Of course it was. The whole plan weeks of Leonard.Penny：I missed you so much.Leonard：I missed you,tooPenny：I couldn't even think of anyone else while you were gone.Leonard：Me,neither.Except for one night when the heat went out.Long story. It's... Don't ask.Sheldon：(Knock, knock, knock)Leonard.(Knock, knock, knock) Leonard.(Knock, knock, knock) Leonard. Leonard：Do not make a sound.Sheldon(whispering)："Do not make a sound..."...is a sound.Leonard：Damn his Vulcan hearing.Not a good time,Sheldon.Sheldon：Penny.Penny. Penny.Penny：Oh,this is ridicules.What?Sheldon：Hello,Penny I realize you're currently at the mercy of your primitive biological urges,but as you have an entire lifetime of poor decisions ahead of you,may I interrupt this one?Penny：It's great to see you too. Come on in.Sheldon：Wolowitz has informed me of your grand deception.Do you have anything to say for yourself? Leonard：Yes,I feel terrible about it.I will never forgive myself,I don't expect you to,either,and I would really appreciate it if you would leave me with Penny for a session of self-criticism and repentance.Penny：Okay,can someone please tell me what's going on here?Sheldon：What's going on is I was lead to believe I was making groundbreaking strides in science,when in fact,I was being fed false data at the hands of Wolowitz,Koothrappali and your furry little boy toy.Penny：Is that true?Leonard：It was the only way to make him happy.Penny：Well,why'd you have to make him happy?Leonard：Because when he wasn't happy,we wanted to kill him.There was even a plan.We were going to throw his kindle outside,and when he went to get it,lock the door and let him freeze to death.Sheldon：That seems like a bit of an overreaction.Leonard：No,the overreaction was the plan to tie your limbs to four different sled dog teams andyell,"Mush."Look,we kept the original data.You can still publish the actual results.Sheldon：Yes,but the actual results are unsuccessful and I've already sent an e-mail to everyone at the university explaining that I have confirmed string theory and forever changed man's understanding of the universe.Leonard：Aw,see,yeah,you probably shouldn't have done that.So write another e-mail. Set the record straight.It's no big deal.Sheldon：You're right,Leonard.It's not a big deal. All you did was lie to me,destroy my dream and humiliate me in front of the whole university. That,FYI,was sarcasm. I,in fact,believe it is a big deal.Penny：Oh,the poor thing.Leonard：Yeah,I feel terrible.Penny：Wait wait,aren't you going to go talk to him?Leonard：What? Uh,he'll be fine.The guy's a trooper. Come here.Penny：No,you're right-- you shouldn't talk to him.I will.Leonard：Man,I cannot catch a break.[Scene: Sheldon’s bedroom. Penny knocks and enters.]Penny：Do you want to talk?Sheldon：About what? Being betrayed by my friends?Spending three months at the North Pole for nothing?And I didn't even get to go to Comic-Con!Penny：Oh,hon...Uh... Soft kitty,warm kitty...Sheldon：That's for when I'm sick. Sad is not sick.Penny：Oh. Sorry.I don't know your sad song.Sheldon：I don't have a sad song. I'm not a child.Penny：Well,you know,I do understand what you're going through.Sheldon：Really?Did you just have the Nobel Prize in waitressing stolen from you?Penny：Well,no,but when I was a senior in high school,one of my friends heard I was going to be named head cheerleader.Oh,I was so excited.My mom even made me a celebration pie.Then they named stupid Valerie Mosbacher head cheerleader.Big old slutbag.Sheldon：Are you saying that you think a "celebtion pie" is even remotely comparable to a Nobel Prize? Penny：Well,they're pretty tasty.Sheldon：And on a different,but not unrelated topic, based on your current efforts to buoy my spirits,do you truly believe that you were ever fit to be a cheer leader?Penny：Look,Sheldon,I just don't think that the guys and Leonard really meant to hurt you.You know? They just told an unfortunate lie to deal with a difficult situation.Okay,you know what it's like?Remember that scene in the new Star Trek movie when Kirk has to take over the ship,so he tells Spock all that stuff he knew wasn't true,like saying Spock didn't care his mom died?Sheldon：I missed Comic- Con and the new Star Trek movie![Scene: The university cafeteria. The guys have shaved and had haircuts. Howard has kept his moustache.]Rajesh：I like the new look.Howard：Thanks.I call it "the Clooney."Rajesh：I call it "the Mario and Luigi but whatever.Hey,how's sheldon doing?Leonard：Well,he came out of his room this morning wearing his Darth Vader helmet and trying to chop me to death with the "force" so I would say "a little better."Howard：If I may abruptly change the subject,did you and Penny finally... you know.Leonard：Howard...Howard：Personally,I don't care, but my genitals wanted me to ask.Leonard：Well tell your genitals what I do with Penny is none of their business.Howard(to his genitals)：He says they didn't do it.Leonard(to Sheldon, entering)：Sheldon,over here.(Sheldon sits at another table and tries to choke all three to death with the force. Raj pretends he is choking.)Howard：What are you doing?Rajesh：well,I feel bad for the guy.Leonard：Sheldon,why are you sitting by yourself?Sheldon：Because I am without friends.Like the proverbial cheese,I stand alone.Evenhile seated. Leonard：Come on. We said we were sorry.Sheldon：It's going to take more than an "I'm sorry"and a store-bought apology pie from Penny to make up for what you've done to me.Barry：Hey,Cooper.Read your retraction email.Way to destroy your reputation.Sheldon：You see? People have been pointing and laughing at me all morning.Barry：That's not true.People have been pointing and laughing at you your whole life.Sheldon：All right,I've had enough.Attention,everyone. I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper. As many of you in the physics department might know, my career trajectory has taken a minor detour. Off a cliff. My credibility may have been damaged . Completely wrecked.But I would like to remind you that in science,there's no such thing as failure.There once was a man who was referred to his prediction of a cosmological constant as the single "biggest blunder"of his career. That man's name was--surprise,surprise--Albert Einstein.Barry：Yeah,but research into Dark Energy proved that Einstein's cosmological constant was actually right all along,so you're still--surprise,surprise--a loser.Sheldon：Oh,you think you're so clever.Well,let me just tell you,while I do not currently have a scathing retort,you check your e-mail periodically for a doozy.Leonard：So much for our friendship with Sheldon.Rajesh：Well,we always have the night the heat went out.[Scene: Penny’s apartment.]Penny：Hi.Leonard：Hey.Listen,since we got,you know, interrupted last night,I didn't have a chance to give you this. Penny：Oh,Leonard,you shouldn't have.Oh,boy!What is it?Leonard：It's a snowflake.From the North Pole.Penny：Are you serious?Leonard：Uh-huh.It'll last forever.I preserved in a one percent solution of polyvinyl acetal resin.Penny：Oh,my God.That's the most romantic thing anyone's ever said to me that I didn't understand. Leonard：It's actually a pretty simple process.You see,cyanoacrylates are monomers which polymerize on--(she kisses him)Howard：Red alert,Leonard. Sheldon ran away.Leonard：Man,I cannot catch a break.Penny：So,how do you know he ran way?Howard：Well,he's not answering his phone,he handed in his resignation at the university and he sent me a text that said,"I'm running away."Leonard：Okay,well,thanks for letting me know.Penny：Well,Leonard,aren't you going to do something?Of course I'm going to do something. Uh,Howard,you check the comic book Raj,go to the Thai restaurant.I'll stay here with Penny in her apartment.(His phone rings)Oh,damn it,It's Sheldon's mother. A break cannot be caught.Hi,Mrs. Cooper.he is?Sheldon went home to TexasYeah,no,I know he resigned.Yes... I guess it is kind of our fault.No,no,no. You-you're right.Someone needs to come talk to him.Don't worry,I'll take care of it.Yeah. All right.New plan.Howard,you and Raj go to Texas.I'll stay here with Penny in her apartment.Penny：Well,you're not gonna go with them?Leonard：Well,you know,I gave you the snowflakeand we were kissing and...Oh,come on,I don't want to go to Texas!Howard：Oh,right,and I do?My people already crossed a desert once.We're done.Leonard：Trust me,you'll be fine. See ya.Penny：Well,wait a second,Leonard,come on,how can you not go? He's your best friend.Leonard：Yeah,but I already saw him naked.Penny：I promise I will be he when you get back.Just go help Sheldon.Leonard：Really?Penny：Yeah. We waited a few months.We can wait a few more days.Leonard：Maybe you can.Go.Rajesh：Boy,you cannot catch a break,can you?[Scene: Sheldon’s mother’s kitchen.]Mrs Cooper：Here you go,Shelly.Sheldon：Thaks,Mom.Mrs Cooper：Hold your horses,young man.Here in Texas,we pray before we eat.Sheldon：Aw,Mom.This is not California,land of the heathen.Mrs Cooper：Gimme.By His hand we are all...Sheldon： ...fed.Mrs Cooper：Give us,Lord,our daily...Sheldon ： ...bread.Mrs Cooper：Please know that we are truly...Sheldon： ...grateful.Mrs Cooper：For every cup and every...Sheldon：...plateful. Amen.Mrs Cooper：Now,that wasn't so hard,was it?Sheldon：My objection was based on considerations Other than difficulty.Mrs Cooper：Whatever. Jesus still loves you.Sheldon：Thank you for carving a smiley face in my grilled cheese sandwich.Mrs Cooper：Oh,I know how to take care of my baby.His eyes cames out a little thin,But you can just pretend he's Chinese.Do you want to talk about what happened with you and your little friends?Sheldon：They're not my friends.Mrs Cooper：All right.If you recall,when you were little,we sat right here at this very spotWe talked about some of the problemsThat you had get in along with the neighbor kid s.Sheldon：That was different.They were threatened by my intelligenceAnd too stupid to know that's why they hated me.Mrs Cooper：Oh baby,they knew very well why they hate you.[Scene: A rental car.]Leonard：I can't believe you bought a red cowboy hat.Howard：Hello? I'm wearing a red turtleneck Plus,it was the only boys' large they had.Rajesh：I'm sorry,this does not look like Texas.Where's the tumbleweeds? Whe's the saloons? Leonard：Saloons?Rajesh：Yeah,like in the movies I saw growing up in India.You know,uh,Four for T exas,Yellow Rose of Texes.Howard：This neighborhood is more likeT exas ChainsawRajesh：I was really hoping to see a cattle drive.Leonard：What can I tell you?They probably have steaks on sale at that big-ass Costco over there.[Scene: Sheldon’s mother’s house.]Leonard：Will you please take that stupid hat off?Howard：No,I want to blend in.Rajesh：To what? Toy Story?Mrs Cooper：Hi,boys.Howard：Howdy,ma'am.Mrs Cooper：Howdy to you too.You got here quick..Leonard：We took the red-eye.Mrs Cooper：Well,come on in.Howard：Thank you kindly.Mrs Cooper：Can .. Can I get you something to drink?Leonard：Uh,no,thank you.Howard：If you don't mind,I got a hankerin' for a Lone Star beer.Mrs Cooper：There's no alcohol in this household. Stop talking like that and lose the hat.Howard：Sorry,I'll take a diet Yoo-Hoo if you have it.Mrs Cooper：You'll take a Coke.What about you? Radge,isn't it?Oh,you still having trouble talking to the ladies?Because,you know,at our church,We have a woman who's an amazing healer.Mostly she does,uh,crutch and wheelchair people,But I bet she'd be willing to take a shot At whatever Third World demon is running around inside of you.Leonard：Uh,if you don't mind,Mrs. Cooper,There's a 3:05 nonstop back to Los AngeleAnd you have no idea how much I want to be on it.Mrs Cooper：A girl?Leonard：Uh,yes,ma'am.Mrs Cooper：Oh,good. I been praying for you.Oh,Sheldon.Sheldon：What are they doing here?Leonard：We came to apologize.Howard：Again.Leonard：And bring you homeSo,why don't you pack up your stuff and we'll head backSheldon：No,this is my home now.Thanks to you,my career is overAnd I will spend the rest of my life here in TexasTrying to teach evolution to creationists.Mrs Cooper：You watch your mouth,Shelly. Everyone's entitled to their opinion.Sheldon：Evolution isn't an opinion,it's fact.Mrs Cooper：And that is your opinion.Sheldon：I forgive you. Let's go home.Mrs Cooper：Don't tell me prey doesn't work.[Scene: In Penny’s bed.]Leonard：How about that.I finally caught a break.You know how they say when friends have sex,it can get weird?Penny：Sure.Leonard：Why does it have to get weird?Penny：I don't know.Leonard：I mean,we were friends,and now we're more than friends.We're whatever "this" is.But why label it,right?I mean,it is what it is and...Penny：Leonard?Leonard：Yeah?Penny：It's weird.Leonard：totally.。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E03 – The Gothowitz Deviation[Scene: The apartment kitchen. Penny is cooking breakfast while singing and dancing along to “Man I Feel Like A Woman” by Shenia Twain. Sheldon enters.]Penny: Morning, Sheldon. Come dance with me.Sheldon: No.Penny: Why not?Sheldon: Penny, while I subscribe to the many worlds theory which posits the existence of an infinite number of Sheldons in an infinite number of universes, I assure you that in none of them am I dancing.Penny: Are you fun in any of them?Sheldon:The math would suggest that in a few I’m a clown made of candy. But I don’t dance.Penny: All right, want some French toast?Sheldon:It’s Oatmeal Day.Penny: Tell you what, next French Toast Day, I will make you oatmeal.Sheldon: Dear Lord, are you still going to be here on French Toast Day?Leonard: Morning.Sheldon: Look, Leonard, Penny made French toast.Leonard:Sorry. I haven’t given her your schedule yet.Sheldon:It’s an iCal download, she can put it right in her phone. And I thought we agreed that you’d have your conjugal visits in her apartment.Leonard: We did, but there were extenuating circumstances.Sheldon: I see. Did her abysmal housekeeping skills finally trump her perkiness?Leonard: No, her bed kind of… br oke.Sheldon: That doesn’t seem likely. Her bed’s of sturdy construction. Even the addition of a second normal size human being wouldn’t cause a structural failure, much less a homunculus such as yourself.Penny: A homunculus?Leonard: Perfectly formed miniature human being.Penny:Oh, you’re my little homunculus.Leonard: Don’t do that.Penny: Sorry. Okay, who wants syrup and who wants cinnamon sugar?Sheldon: I want oatmeal.Penny: Yes, well, I want a boyfriend whose roommate isn’t a giant pain in the ass.Sheldon: I’m sure that will happen soon enough. But in the meantime, I still want oatmeal.Penny: You know what, I give up. He’s impossible.Sheldon: I can’t be impossible. I exist. I believe what you meant to say is, “I give up, he’s improbable.”Leonard: Sheldon, you really need to find a better way of dealing with Penny.Sheldon: What am I supposed to do, eat French toast on a Monday? Now, that would be impossible. Leonard: I’m just saying, you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.Sheldon: You can catch even more flies with manure. What’s your point?Leonard: It’s a… (gives up)Sheldon: Boy, that does smell good. Too bad it’s Monday.Credits sequence.[Scene: The apartment].Penny: Okay, so Kim the night manager went on maternity leave, and her husband’s name is Sandy, right? So get this, her replacement is a woman named Sandy whose husband’s name is Kim.Penny: I know. What are the odds?Sheldon: Easily calculable, we begin by identifying the set of married couples with unisex names. We then eliminate those unqualified for restaurant work, the aged, the imprisoned and the limbless, for example. Next we look at…Leonard:Sheldon! it’s an amazing coincidence, can we leave it at that?Sheldon: I’m sorry. Ooh, Penny, it’s as if the Cheesecake Factory is run by witches.Penny: Ooh, Sheldon, it’s as if you don’t think I’ll punch you.Leonard: Come on, you guys, let it go.Penny: Fine, whatever. Are you finished?Sheldon: Well, thank you. How thoughtful. Would you like a chocolatePenny: Um, yeah, sure, thanks.Leonard: What was that?Sheldon: You said be nice to Penny. I believe offering chocolate to someone falls within the definition of nice. Leonard: It does. But in my experience, you don’t.Sheldon: There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy. Leonard: Yeah, yeah, now that’s you, obnoxious and insufferable.Howard (arriving, in goth gear): What’s going on, day dwellers?Penny:Oh, man, did the Kiss Army repeal don’t ask, don’t tell?Howard: No. Raj and I are going a goth club in Hollywood to hang with the night people. Anybody want to come along?Penny: Oh, wow, you’re actually going out like that?Howard: No, no. I’m going out like this. (Whips off jacket to reveal tattoos up both arms)Leonard: Howard, what did you do?Howard: They’re called tattoo sleeves. Look. I bought them online, Raj got a set, too. Fantastic, right? Put them on, have hot sex with some freaky girl with her business pierced, take them off, and I can still be buried in a Jewish cemetery.Sheldon: You know, I’ve always wanted to go to a goth nighclub.Howard: Really?Sheldon: Bazinga! None of you ever see my practical jokes coming, do you?Howard: Okay, how a bout you two? Look, I’ve got some extra tat sleeves.Leonard: Why are you carrying extras?Howard: Well, In case I snag one on someone’s nipple ring.Penny: Uh, yeah, I think we’ll pass.Howard: Oh, is the missus speaking for the couple now?Leonard: In this case, you bet she is.Howard (after Raj whispers): Yes, she’s pushy and yes, he’s whipped, but that’s not the expression. Come on, I want to stop at Walgreens and pick up some more eyeliner.Leonard:They’re gonna get beaten up at that club.Penny: They’re gonna get beaten up at Walgreens. Oh, sorry, Sheldon, I almost sat in your spot. Sheldon: Did you? I didn’t notice. Have a chocolate.Penny: Thank you.[Scene: The goth club.]Raj:I think we’re fitting in quite nicely.Howard: It’d help if you weren’t drinking light beer.Raj: Oh, what’s so gothic about vodka and cranberry juice?Howard: Hello, it looks like blood. Did you even read the Wiki How link I sent you on being goth?Raj:No, I’m behind on my wiki-reading I’m kind of on a John Grisham k ick right now.Raj: Well, I finished reading The Pelican Brief and loved it so much, I dived right into The Client. He was a lawyer himself so his novels are accurate as well as entertaining.Howard: Just remember we are lost boys, children of the night.Raj: Great. Lost boys, children of the night. Got it. Can you pass the Chex mix, please. Thank you. We are lost boys.Girl: Good for you.Howard: I’m actually much morelost than he is.Girl: Nice ink.Howard: Thanks. Can we buy you ladies a drink?Girl: Two light beers.Raj: Light beers? Well, Wiki-how about that?Second girl:What’s your names?Howard:I’m Howard.Raj: Raj.Girl:I’m Bethany.Howard: Nice to meet you, Bethany.Raj: Yes, very nice.Bethany: Nice to meet you too.Second girl: I’m Sarah. Not that anyone cares.Raj: Do either of you ladies enjoy the novels of John Grisham?[Scene: The apartment. ]Penny: What’s this cartoon called again?Leonard: Oshikuru: Demon Samurai.Sheldon: And it’s not a cartoon, it’s anime.Penny: Anime. You know, I knew a girl in high school named Anna May. Anna May Fletcher. She was born with one nostril. Then she had this bad nose job and basically wound up with three.Sheldon: You’re here a lot now.Penny: Oh, am I talking too much? I’m sorry. Zip.Sheldon: Thank you. Chocolate?Penny: Yes please. (Her phone rings) Oh. Hey, Kim. Yeah, I… (sees Sheldon looking disapprovingly) You know what, hold on, let me take this in the hall. (Sheldon silently offers her another chocolate. She takes it.) You’ll never guess who they got to replace you at work…Leonard: Okay, I know what you’re doing.Sheldon: Really?Leonard: Yes, you’re using chocolates as positive reinforcement for what you consider correct behaviour. Sheldon: Very good. Chocolate?Leonard: No, I don’t want any chocolate! Sheldon, you can’t train my girlfriend like a lab rat.Sheldon: Actually, it turns out I can.Leonard: Well, you shouldn’t.Sheldon: There’s just no pleasing you, is there, Leonard? You weren’t happy with my previous approach to dealing with her, so I decided to employ operant conditioning techniques, building on the work of Thorndike and B.F. Skinner. By this time next week, I believe I can have her jumping out of a pool, balancing a beach ball on her nose.Leonard: No, this has to stop now.Sheldon: I’m not suggesting we really make her jump out of a pool. I thought the “bazinga” was implied. I’m just tweaking her personality, sanding off the rough edges if you will.Leonard: No, you’re not sanding Penny.make our lives better?Leonard:Yes, you’re forbidden.Sheldon (Squirting him with a water spray): Bad Leonard.[Scene: The goth club.]Bethany: So what do you guys do?Howard: Oh, you know, goth stuff. Goth magazines, goth music.Raj: Goth food.Sarah: What’s goth food?Raj: Uh… blackened salmon?Bethany: No, I meant what do you do for jobs?Raj: Oh, we’re scientists.Howard: Yeah, you know, the dark sciences.Bethany: What are the dark sciencesRaj: Well, I am an astrophysicist and a lot of that takes place at night. When there are vampires and miscellaneous undead out and about.Howard: Oy vay.Raj: That sounds really cool.Howard: Does it? Okay, if you like space stuff, I design components for the international space station. Which is in space. Where, as I’m sure you know, no one can hear you scream.Raj: So what do you gals do?Bethany: I work at the Gap.Howard: Really? How about that? I’ve been to the Gap.Raj: Yeah, I’ve been there as well. I like your tee-shirts with the little pocket.Sarah: I work there too. Not that anyone cares. You know, this place is boring.Bethany: Yeah. Why don’t we go somewhere else and have some fun?Howard: Okay.Raj: Sure, we like fun.Howard: We are fun people.Raj: Dark and fun.Bethany: Come on, I know a place you’ll really dig.Howard: Did you bring the black condoms?Raj: In my fanny pack.Howard: Let’s go.[Scene: A tattoo parlour. Bethany is getting a tattoo.]Raj: Are you happy now?Howard: Not particularly.[Scene: The apartment.]Penny(voice outside door): Oh’ my God, she didn’t!Leonard: What could she possibly be talking about for so long?Sheldon:Obviously, waitressing at the Cheesecake Factory is a complex socioeconomic activity, that requires a great deal of analysis and planning. Bazinga! You know, using positive reinforcement techniques, I could train that behaviour out of her in a week.Leonard: No.Sheldon: If you let me use negative reinforcement, I can get it done before we go to bed.Leonard: You’re not squirting her in the face with water.Leonard: Forget it.Sheldon: Oh, come on, you can’t tell me that you’re not intrigued about the possibility of building a better girlfriend.Leonard: I’m not. And Penny’s qualities, both good and bad, are what make her who she is.Sheldon: You mean, like that high-pitched, irritating laugh?Leonard: Yes.Sheldon:You wouldn’t prefer a throaty chuckle?Leonard: You’re not changing how Penny laughs.Sheldon: No, that would be incongruous, I was going to lower the whole voice to a more pleasing register. Penny(entering): Uh, sorry guys, that girl is (high pitched) freaky!Sheldon: Come again?Penny (normal voice): Freaky.Sheldon(lower voice): Freaky?Penny(lower voice): Yeah, freaky.Sheldon: Have a chocolate.Penny: Thank you.[Scene: The tattoo parlour. Howard is laying down, preparing to have a tattoo on his lower back]. Raj: Are you seriously going to deface your body just for the possibility you could have cheap sex with a strange girl you met in a bar?Howard: Uh, yeah!Raj: What is your mother going to say?Howard: She’s not going to see it. She takes my temperature orally now.Bethany: What are you going to get, Howard?Howard: Well, I can’t really decide between a screaming devil, this mean little skull or Kermit the Frog. Bethany: Kermit the Frog?Howard: You know (Kermit voice) Hi ho, I’m on Howard’s butt!Bethany: Get the mean little skull, and I’ll see if I can make him smile.Howard: Yeah, I’d like the mean little skull, please.Sarah: What are you going to get, Raj?Raj: With my luck, hepatitisTattooist: Okay, here we go.Howard: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!Tattooist:That’s just rubbing alcohol.Howard: I know, but it was cold. Ow, ow, ow!Tattooist: I’m putting on the stencil.Howard: What comes after the stencil?Tattooist: This.Howard: Aaaaaargh! Okay, that’s it, no needle, no pain, no tattoo.Bethany:What’s the big deal, you’ve done this before.Howard: No, I haven’t, look. (Rips off tattoo sleeves)I’m sorry, I’m a fraud, he’s a fraud.Raj: We’re both frauds.Howard: Yeah, I think I covered that.Raj: But I was summing up.Howard: We’re not goth, we’re just guys.Raj: Very, very smart guys.Bethany: So you were totally scamming us?Howard: Yes. And I wouldn’t blame you if you walked out of here and never wanted to see us again. UnlessBethany: I’m leaving.Sarah:I’m leaving too. Not that anyone cares.Raj: When we tell this story, let’s end it differently.Howard: What are you thinking? Maybe a big musical number?[Scene: The apartment.]Sheldon: Well, I’m going to make some warm milk and then turn in. I trust if you two are planning in engaging in amorous activites, you’ll keep the decibel level to a minimum.Penny: Of course.Sheldon: Thank you. (Throws a chocolate. Penny catches it in her mouth)Penny: Mmm, these are so goodLeonard: Unbelievable.Penny: What?Leonard: I was just thinking, we should probably turn in too.Penny: well, my new bed got delivered, if you come over and put it together, you can stay at my place. Leonard:Really, that’s a lot of work, and it’s kind of late.Penny: Yeah, but if we stay there, we won’t have to be quiet.Leonard: Let’s go.Sheldon: Interesting. Sex works even better than chocolate to modify behaviour. I wonder if anyone else has stumbled on to that.[Scene: Raj’s car.]Howard: Okay, wait, how about this? We say there were four goth girls, the two girls in the club had two friends.Raj: I like it, I like it. Did they smell good despite their gothlike nature?Howard: What’s that got to do with the story?Raj: Engaging my olfactory sense helps make it real for me.Howard: Fine, they smelled good.Raj: Oh, they did. Like jasmine and honeysuckle.Howard: Whatever.Raj: And then they held hands and did a sexy, demonic hokey-pokey for us.Howard: No, no. Look, let me say my story all the way through, and then you can say yours, and then we’ll pick.Raj: I’m sorry. Go on.Howard: Okay. We got tattoos, and then the four girls took us to their place.Raj: But we don’t have tattoos. What if someone asks to see our tattoos?Howard: We say they’re in a very intimate area.Raj:Oh, we are bad boys, aren’t we?Howard: Right, right, so we go back to their place, and then the six of us end up in a hot tub.Raj: But we just got tattoos. Wouldn’t we be concerned about bacterial infection?Howard: True. Okay, forget the hot tub. The point is, we each have a ménage with sexy goth girls.Raj: Wow. What a great night.Howard: Yeah. Hey, want to try a country bar tomorrow night.Raj: Yeah, maybe we’ll get lucky with some sexy cowgirls.Howard: Could happen.Raj: I wonder how they smell.。

生活与哲学综合测试(90分钟，100分)第Ⅰ卷(选择题，共60分)一、选择题(在每小题列出的四个选项中，只有一项是最符合题目要求的，每小题4分，共60分)1．希格斯玻色子，是粒子物理学标准模型预言的一种自旋为零的玻色子。

因为它极难发现，所以被称为“上帝粒子”。

2012年7月4日，欧洲核子研究中心宣布，他们发现了疑似“上帝粒子”——希格斯玻色子(万物质量之源)的新粒子。

从统计学的角度看，这一发现的可信度达99.999 94%。

材料表明( )①客观唯心主义有科学根据②思维与存在具有同一性③统计概率的大小是判断认识正确与否的依据④世界的统一性在于它的物质性A．①④B．①③C．②④D．③④解析：发现“上帝粒子”，说明了人能够正确的反映客观存在，进一步证实了世界的物质性，题干表明了唯物主义观点，故选出C项，不选①。

实践是判断认识正确与否的标准，排除③。

答案：C2．发展中国特色社会主义，必须结合我国实际和时代特点，建设具有中国特色、中国风格、中国气派的哲学社会科学，使之更好地发挥认识世界、传承文明、创新理论、咨政育人、服务社会的重要功能。

这表现为真正的哲学( )A．正确反映了时代的特点和要求，是认识和改造世界的有力工具B．是对社会生活的总结和升华，可以预见和指明社会的前进方向C．牢牢地把握住了时代的脉搏，为社会变革提供巨大的物质力量D．是“科学之科学”，可以为具体科学提供世界观和方法论的指导解析：真正的哲学是时代精神的精华，把握时代的脉搏，建设具有中国特色、中国风格、中国气派的哲学社会科学，体现了真正哲学的特点，故选出A项。

真正的哲学是社会变革的先导，提供了精神力量，排除C项。

哲学不能称为“科学之科学”，故排除D项。

B项与题意无关。

答案：A3．中国式过马路，是指部分中国人集体闯红灯的一种现象，即凑够一撮人就可以走，和红绿灯无关。

有人表示：“斑马线存在与否，取决于大家的目的。

”与此观点相通的是( )A．子不语怪力乱神B．未有此气，先有此理C．形者神之质，神者形之用D．存在即是被感知解析：题中观点以人的主观愿望为出发点，是主观唯心主义，故D项符合题意。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E 21 – The Plimpton StimulationScene: The university cafeteria.Sheldon: Hold.Raj: What?Sheldon: Explain your sneeze.Raj: I’m sorry?Sheldon: Do you have allergies?Raj: No.Sheldon: Is there too much pepper on your salad?Raj: I don’t put pepper on salads.Sheldon: I’ve heard enough. Sit over there.Raj: Oh, come on. I don’t want to sit by myself.Sheldon: That’s what Typhoid Mary said, and clearly, her friends buckled.Raj: Guys, help me.Howard: Sheldon, come on.Leonard: Yeah, it’s just one sneeze. (Raj sneezes) You’re on your own.Howard: See you, buddy.Sheldon: Oh, Leonard, I have something for you. Per our roommate agreement, this is your 24-hour notice that I will be having a non-related female spending two nights in our apartment.Leonard: When you say non-related female, you still mean human, right?Sheldon: Of course. Pets are banned under the roommate agreement, with the exception of service animals, such as seeing eye dogs and, one day, cybernetically-enhanced helper monkeys.Howard: Are you planning on kidnapping a woman?Sheldon: Sarcasm?Howard: Yes, but mixed with genuine concern.Sheldon: For your information, I’ll be playing host to Dr. Elizabeth Plimpton.Raj: The cosmological physicist from Princeton?Sheldon: Yes. And until you acquire a surgical mask, please address your comments to me through a napkin. We’ve been corresponding for years about our mutual interest in gravitational wave signatures of inflatons in the early universe. And now she’s under c onsideration for a position at our university.Leonard: Why didn’t you tell me you knew Elizabeth Plimpton? I am a huge fan of hers!Sheldon: I didn’t realize I was obligated to share my connection with things you’re a fan of, but very well. You enjoy Cana dian bacon. I’ve been to Toronto.Leonard: Okay, fine. Where is she going to sleep?Sheldon: My room, of course.Raj: Holy crap! (Through napkin) Holy crap!Howard: Yeah, um, I have a two-part question.Sheldon: Go ahead.Howard: A, are you kidding me? And B, seriously, are you freaking kidding me?Sheldon: A, I rarely kid. And B, when I do kid, you will know it by my use of the word bazinga.Howard: So you’re saying the two of you are going to be sleeping in the same bed?Sheldon: Yes. Bazinga. Leonard?Leonard: Thank you. Why is a world-renowned scientist staying in our apartment instead of a hotel? Sheldon: Well, she doesn’t care for hotels. And who can blame her? Windows that don’t open, multi-user linens, keys shaped like credit cards, as if one walks a round with unassigned slots in one’s wallet. All right, Ibelieve I have time for one more question. Yes, Raj?Raj: When can I sit with you again?Sheldon: When I’ve seen two consecutive negative throat cultures spaced 12 hours apart. You know the drill.A ll right, if you’ll excuse me, I am off to start a prophylactic course of antibiotics.Leonard: I can’t believe he’s friends with Elizabeth Plimpton.Raj: I can’t believe they let him into Canada.Howard: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You heard the man. Where’s your t hroat cultures? Kidding. Sit down.Credits sequenceScene: The lobbyPenny: Hey, Sheldon.Sheldon: Oh, Penny, excellent. I have a question about these maxi pads. Are the wings truly functional or have I fallen victim to marketing hype?Penny: What? What are you doing with, what?Sheldon: The stock boy at Walgreens was frustratingly uninformed on the subject.Penny: Sheldon, what are you doing with maxi pads?Sheldon: I have a lady friend who will be staying with me for a few days.Penny: Oh. What?Sheldon: I want her to feel at home. I also bought scented soaps, pantyhose, Midol, calcium chews and what is apparently a yogurt specifically designed to regulate the female bowel.Penny: Wait, wait, hold on, back up. You’re having a woman stay with you?Sheldon: Yes. Why does that seem to flabbergast everybody?Penny: Oh, no, no, no, no. I’m not flabbergasted. I’m puzzled. Yeah, let’s go with puzzled.Sheldon: A word of warning. My guest is a noted physicist and the leading expert on quantum cosmology, so please try to avoid wasting her time with female jibber jabber.Penny: Female jibber jabber?Sheldon: Shoe sales, hair styles, mud masks, gossip about your friends Brad and Angelina.Penny: Oh, they’re not my friends.Sheldon: I’m not surprised, considering the w ay you talk about them behind their backs.Scene: The apartment.Leonard: She’s here, she’s here. How do I look? Do I look smart?Sheldon: Oh, good grief. This isn’t about you. Coming! Now listen, one of the great minds of the 21st century is about to play host to one of the other great minds of the 21st century. So pay attention. Years from now, my biographer might ask you about this event.Leonard: Oh, I have so many things to tell your biographer.Elizabeth: Ah, Dr. Cooper, thank goodness. I completely forgot your address. But then I remembered that I’d written it on my hand. Lucky for me, I didn’t confuse it with what I’d written on my other hand, which are the coordinates for a newly discovered neutron star. ‘Cause if I tried to go there, I’d be crush ed by hypergravity. Anyway, hello.Sheldon: Hello.Elizabeth: Nice to finally meet you in person.Sheldon: I would imagine it is. This is my friend and roommate, Dr. Leonard Hofstadter.Leonard: Hi-lo. Oops. I started to say hi, and then I switched to hello in the middle. It came out hi-lo. Duh. Uh, it’s nice to meet you. I’ve read both your books and most of your papers. I’m Leonard, I livehere, you’re brilliant.Sheldon: I apologize. He’s only an experimental physicist.Elizabeth: No need to apologize. Some of my best friends are experimental physicists. Well, not my bestfriends, but I know them. My best friend is a molecular chemist named Wendy. I’m sorry, I’m rambling. Hi-lo. Leonard: Are you hungry, thirsty? Can I offer you anything?Sheldon: No, she’s my guest. If anyone should offer her anything, it should be me. Elizabeth, can I get you something? Perhaps a feminine hygiene product or a bowel-regulating yogurt?Elizabeth: Interesting choices. Based on my current needs, I guess I’d pick the yogurt.Sheldon: Excellent. If the yogurt works, I bought some delightful scented candles.Leonard: Look, it’s you.Scene: A little later.Elizabeth: Thank you so much for opening up your home to me.Leonard: Well, who wants to stay in a hotel? With windows that d on’t open, those crazy card-shaped keys. Elizabeth: I’m so glad you understand.Sheldon: No, he doesn’t understand. I understand.Leonard: Well, I understand, too.Sheldon: You’re just misappropriating my understanding.Leonard: Oh, (blows a raspberry). I think any university would want you. Except, of course, any university that had already had you. Because they would’ve already wanted you before they, you know, got you. Sheldon: From the mind that brought you hi-lo. Let me show you to your room.Elizabeth: All right. I guess I am tired. Good night, Leonard.Leonard: Uh, sleep night. I mean, obviously, good night. I started to say sleep tight, then I changed my mind in the middle. I swear to God, I’m smart.Sheldon: Get it together, man.Scene: Sheldon’s b edroom.Sheldon: All right, let me show you some of the features of the room. First, windows. Conventional. Open, closed, open, closed, halfway open, or halfway closed, depending on your philosophical bent. Over here is my comic book collection. Feel free to browse. There’s a box of disposable reading gloves on the night stand. Elizabeth: Good to know.Sheldon: In here, you’ll find emergency provisions. An eight-day supply of food and water, a crossbow, season two of Star Trek: The Original Series on a high-density flash drive.Elizabeth: What if there’s a disaster that destroys all the USB ports?Sheldon: Then there’s really no reason to live, is there?Elizabeth: Can I ask a question about your roommate?Sheldon: He’s an odd duck, isn’t he?Elizabeth: Wha t’s his relationship status?Sheldon: Well, there was a misbegotten adventure with a waitress who lives across the hall. It ended as inexplicably as it began. They had very little in common, except for carnal activity. That’s why I acquired these noise-cancelling headphones. If you decide to use them, please clean the ear pieces afterwards with the Wet Wipes you’ll find in the bathroom. They’re in the drawer labelled Wet Wipes.Elizabeth: Okay.Sheldon: Good. I’ll leave you to your night time ablutions. I’v e e-mailed you the morning bathroom schedule. You’ll also find a laminated copy in your welcome packet. It’s on the back of the emergency escape route diagram.Elizabeth: How thoughtful.Sheldon: Sleep well, my friend.Elizabeth: You, too.Sheldon: Oh, let me just get one thing. It’s my backup emergency supply kit. The living room escape route doesn’t pass through here. Now, good night. And if there’s an apocalypse, good luck.Scene: Leonard’s bedroom. There is a knock on the door.Leonard: Yes?Elizabeth: I saw your light on.Leonard: Is everything all right?Elizabeth: Yeah, I just couldn’t sleep.Leonard: Me neither. Oh, look what I’m reading. It’s you.Elizabeth: I thought you already read it.Leonard: I did, but it’s been a while, and I wanted to sound smart over breakfast.Elizabeth: Aw, you’re smart.Leonard: Oh, good. Wasn’t sure it was coming across.Elizabeth: What chapter are you on?Leonard: Uh, six.Elizabeth: Oh, the extragalactic distance ladder. Want to know a little secret?Leonard: Sure.Elizabeth: I wrote the section on the Wilson-Bappu Effect completely naked.Leonard: Really? Uh, sure doesn’t read that way.Elizabeth: Here, let me show you. When we consider the brightness of pulsating variable stars, we start to see (removes robe) a possi ble explanation for some of the discrepancies found in Hubble’s constant. Leonard: Wow. You really make science come alive.Scene: The living room.Sheldon: Vocal test. Morning vocal test. Second vocal test. Second morning vocal test.Leonard: Morning, Sheldon.Sheldon: Morning.Elizabeth: Morning, Sheldon.Sheldon: Morning. I trust you had a pleasant night.Elizabeth: More than pleasant.Sheldon: Excuse me, I’m going to relieve myself.Leonard: How do you take your coffee?Elizabeth: Black.Leonard: Okeydoke.Sheldon(in bathroom): Pee for Houston, pee for Austin, pee for the state my heart got lost in. And shake twice for Texas.Leonard: Something his mother taught him.Sheldon: All right, Elizabeth, the bathroom is yours. The seat is down, and has been sanitized for your protection.Elizabeth: That’s very thoughtful, but I think I’ll finish my coffee first.Sheldon: Ah, so the yogurt didn’t work. I’ll fire off a critical e-mail to the manufacturer.Penny: Oh, good, you’re up. Look, my car won’t start. I n eed a ride to work.Sheldon: Did you once again ignore your check engine light?Penny: No, Mr. smarty-pants. I ignored the fill gas tank light.Sheldon: Leonard, Penny wants to exploit any residual feelings you have for her in order to get a ride to work.Leonard: Oh, yeah, sure, let me just put this in a travel mug.Penny: Hello.Elizabeth: Hi.Penny: Oh, Penny, this is Dr. Plimpton, a leading expert on quantum cosmology. Dr. Plimpton, Penny is awaitress who doesn’t understand the role gasoline plays in t he internal combustion engine.Elizabeth: Nice to meet you.Penny: Nice to meet you, too. Are you enjoying your stay?Elizabeth: Yes, very much.Penny: Good.Sheldon: Wonderful. Meaningless pleasantries accomplished. Elizabeth, Leonard’s bathroom time is c oming up, and believe me, you do not want to follow him.Elizabeth: Excuse me.Leonard: Okay, well, I guess I should get dressed so I can take everyone to work. You and Sheldon and Sheldon’s friend, Dr. Plimpton, who you just met. It’ll be fun. Like a clow n car.Penny: Hang on.Leonard: Hmm? Yeah? What? Huh?Penny: We just broke up.Leonard: What, uh, you and me? Yeah, we did. Not too long ago. How are you doing with it?Penny: Not as good as you apparently.Leonard: I, um, I don’t follow.Penny: You know w hat? It’s, it’s none of my business. If you want to sleep with Sheldon’s doctor buddy right after we stopped seeing each other, go for it.Leonard: Well, now…Sheldon: Excuse me. I’m uncomfortable with you recommending that Leonard pursue having intercours e with Dr. Plimpton, who I assure you has better things to do.Penny: I’m not recommending it. I’m saying it already happened.Sheldon: That’s preposterous. Tell her, Leonard.Leonard: Well…Sheldon: No.Leonard: Come on. It wasn’t my fault.Sheldon: The implication being that you somehow tripped and fell into her lady parts?Penny: You know what? I’m just gonna take the bus to work.Leonard: Penny, I can still drive you.Penny: Oh, no, no, it’s okay. You might slip on a banana peel and get me pregnant.Sheldon: I must say, I’m shocked by this betrayal.Leonard: I didn’t betray Penny.Sheldon: Not Penny, me!Leonard: How am I betraying you?Sheldon: Elizabeth’s my friend, and you’re playing with her!Leonard: Yeah, I guess I did.Scene: The cafeteria. Raj drinks from a hip flask.Howard: What the hell are you doing?Raj: Relax, it’s Nyquil.Leonard: You still have a cold?Raj: Maybe, but I don’t care. That’s the great thing about Nyquil, it’s like ten-percent booze. I call it the nighttime sniffling, sneezing, coughing, so you can talk to girls medicine.Leonard: Are you having trouble sleeping? ‘Cause, boy, I was up all night.Raj: Did you get a cold, too?Leonard: No, but I was awake all night.Howard: If you want, I can give you some of my mom’s sleeping p ills.Raj: She won’t notice they’re missing?Howard: She doesn’t know she takes them.Leonard: No, that’s okay. It was something else keeping me up last night. And again this morning. And, I didn’t mind. I was up last night. I was up this morning. I didn’t mind. Those are your clues.Raj: Ooh, ooh. Did the pigeon on your windowsill have more babies?Leonard: No.Howard: Were you up making another stop-motion Lego movie?Leonard: No.Howard: ‘Cause let me tell you, it’s not enough to make the Legos move, the y also have to capture your heart.Leonard: Okay, I’ll give you one more clue. It involved another person.Raj: Did you get a Japanese love pillow?Howard: How is a Japanese love pillow another person?Raj: It is if you love her and give her a name.Sheldon: Dr. Plimpton, I’d like you to meet my colleagues, Dr. Rajesh KoothrappaliRaj: Hi.Sheldon: And not-a-doctor Howard Wolowitz.Howard: Hi.Raj: I’m a big fan of your work.Elizabeth: Thank you.Sheldon: And of course, you’ve already introduced yourself t o Dr. Hofstadter.Leonard: Hey, you.Elizabeth: Hey, you.Leonard: Boy, I’m kind of tuckered out. How are you feeling, Elizabeth?Elizabeth: You know what? I am a little tired. Would you be a dear and get me a cup of coffee?Leonard: Sure. Black, right?Elizabeth: Actually, now I think I want it hot, brown and sweet.Leonard: Coming right up.Scene: Raj’s apartment.Raj: What?Howard: What do you mean what? It’s Halo night.Raj: I can’t. I’m too sick. Go away.Howard: That’s why we moved Halo night here. Look, I brought my mom’s chicken soup.Raj: I’m not hungry.Elizabeth: Don’t send him away. Let him in.Howard: Who’s thatRaj: I bought a parrot.Howard: Yeah, right. Dr. Plimpton?Elizabeth: Hi. Howard, right?Howard: Uh, yeah.Elizabeth: Can I ask you a question, Howard? Do you like role-playing games?Howard: Yeah, sure. In fact, I’m a dungeon master.Elizabeth: Not tonight. Tonight you are a delivery man. You brought soup, but uh-oh, Raj and I don’t have enough money to pay you. So we’ll have to come to some other kind of arrangement.Howard: Beg pardon?Elizabeth: You two figure out the details, I’m going to go change into something I don’t mind getting ripped off my milky flesh.Howard: What the frak?Raj: Go away. She wants New Delhi, not Kosher deli. Besides, you have a girlfriend.Howard: We broke up weeks ago.Raj: Why didn’t you say anything?Howard: I was waiting for the right time. This is the right time.Leonard: Hey, who’s ready for Halo?Raj: Oh, this is like a nightmare. Get lost!Howard: He’s right. The numbers are shaky enough as it is.Leonard: I don’t understand.Elizabeth: Oh, good. Leonard’s here.Raj: Good?Leonard: Elizabeth? What’s going on?Elizabeth: What’s going on is you and Howard are my moving men and Raj is my new landlord and I don’t have enough money to pay any of you.Leonard: Is she suggesting what I think she’s suggesting?Howard: Yep. Welcome to the Penthouse Forum.Raj: Okay, show of hands. Who’s up for this? (Only Howard raises his hand.)Leonard: We’ll all be naked in f ront of each other.Howard: I’m out.Elizabeth: Everybody ready?Raj: Follow my lead. Almost. We’re, we’re going to go out into the hallway and, uh, make a dramatic entrance.Elizabeth: Oh, good. It’s so much better when everyone commits.Raj: Run. Run, ru n, run. Don’t look back.Leonard: I thought we had something special.Raj(locks door): So, you say you can’t pay your rent?Scene: The lobby.Penny: Oh, Leonard?Leonard: Hey.Penny: I found these in the dryer. I’m assuming they belong to Sheldon.Leonard: Thanks. It’s really hard to find these in his size. So, listen. I’ve been meaning to talk to you about the other morning.Penny: You mean you and Dr. Slutbunny?Leonard: Yeah, I wanted to explain.Penny: Well, you don’t owe me an explanation.Leonard: I don’t?Penny: No, you don’t.Leonard: So you’re not judging me?Penny: Oh, I’m judging you nine ways to Sunday, but you don’t owe me an explanation.Leonard: Nevertheless, I’d like to get one on the record so you can understand why I did what I did. Penny: I’m listening.Leonard: She let me.。