生活大爆炸第三季剧本DOCS3E23

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E20 – The Spaghetti CatalystScene: The lobby.Penny: Oh, damn, they cancelled my Visa. Oh, yay, a new MasterCard!Sheldon: Uh-oh.Penny: What?Sheldon: I was going to get my mail.Penny: Okay. Are, are you hoping to get it telepathically?Sheldon: I think you mean telekinetically. And no, I just wasn’t sure of the proper protocol now that you and Leonard are no longer having coitus.Penny: God, can we please just say no longer seeing each other?Sheldon: Well, we could if it were true. But as you live in the same building, you see each other all the time. The variable which has changed is the coitus.Penny: Okay, here’s the protocol, you and I are still friends, and you stop saying coitus.Sheldon: Good, good. I’m glad we’re still friends.Penny: Really?Sheldon: Oh, yes. It was a lot of work to accommodate you in my life. I’d hate for that effort to have been in vain.Penny: Right.Sheldon: Just to be clear do I have to stop saying coitus with everyone or just you?Penny: Everyone.Sheldon: Harsh terms. But all right, I’ll just substitute intercourse.Penny: Great.Sheldon: Or fornication. Yeah. But that has judgmental overtones, so I’ll hold that in reserve.Penny: So, how you been?Sheldon: Well, my existence is a continuum, so I’ve been what I am at each point in the implied time period. Penny: You’re just coitusing with me, aren’t you?Sheldon: Bazinga.Penny: Mmm. How’s Leonard doing?Sheldon: He seems all right. Although he does spend a disturbing amount of time looking at photographs of you and smelling the pillow you slept on. Oh, but now that I think of it, he asked me not to tell you that. Penny: I’ll pretend I didn’t hear it.Sheldon: I’d rather you pretend I didn’t say it. I see you bought Mama Italia marinara spaghe tti sauce. Penny: Yep.Sheldon: That’s the sauce my mother uses. She likes cooking Italian because according to her, that’s what the Romans made Jesus eat.Penny: Interesting. I’ll have to have you over for spaghetti some night.Sheldon: I’m hungry now.Penny: Oh. Um, okay. Why don’t you give me an hour and come over?Sheldon: Will you cut up hot dogs into little chunks and mix them in with the sauce?Penny: I don’t have hot dogs.Sheldon: Oh, it’s all right, I do. Oh! You’re in for what my mother calls a r eal Eye-talian treat. (Enters apartment).Leonard: Hey, where you been?Sheldon: I was talking with Penny.Howard: What’s wrong with you? You can’t hang out with your roommate’s ex. That’s totally uncool.Leonard: No, no, it’s fine. I don’t care. I’m over it.Raj: Yeah, he’s over it, that’s why he’s been whining all day about trying to invent that memory-wiper gizmo from Men in Black.Sheldon: Is he making any progress? Because I’d like to erase Ben Affleck as Daredevil.Howard: So would Ben Affleck. The po int is, in a situation like this you got to pick sides. You’re either on Team Leonard or Team Penny.Sheldon: Which one picks last?Howard: What?Sheldon: Well, usually I’m on the team that picks last. Unless there’s a kid in a wheelchair.Leonard: Sheldon, I got you your tangerine chicken. I hope you’re hungry.Sheldon: Well, of course I’m hungry. And as I have no plans to eat with any other team, I will consume my tangerine chicken with the appropriate gusto. Mm, mm, mm!Leonard: Okay.Sheldon: Just out of curiosity, do we still have hot dogs?Leonard: I don’t know. Why?Sheldon: Just making dinner conversation. Go, Team Leonard!Credits sequenceScene: A few moments later.Howard: Oh, God, this is good.Raj: Let me ask you a question. Do you believe you’re going to go to hell for eating sweet and sour pork? Howard: Jews don’t have hell. We have acid reflux.Leonard: Do you want the last dumpling, Sheldon?Sheldon: Certainly. It’s not like I have to moderate my food intake because I’m planning on eating ag ain very shortly. Mm, mm, mm!Leonard: So, you guys want to do something tonight?Howard: Nah, I can’t. I got to pick up my mom from her water aerobics class. 18 overweight women flapping their arm fat in a swimming pool. Looks like the manatee tank at Sea World.Leonard: What about you, Raj?Raj: Oh, there it is, now that you don’t have a girlfriend, you want to hang out with me again.Leonard: I never stopped hanging out with you.Raj: Oh, please, we all know I’m the friend you call when you have no other options. If we were the Justice League, I’d be Aquaman.Howard: I wish you were Aquaman. Then I could send you to scoop my mom out of the old lady tank. Sheldon: Excuse me, I’m thirsty, so I’m going to go to the refrigerator and get myself a refreshing be verage. Leonard:You know what? I’ll just spend the evening alone.Raj: What, suddenly I’m not good enough for you?Sheldon: Ah, I do so love beverages. Now I think I’ll take my after-dinner walk.Leonard: Since when do you take after-dinner walks?Howard: Yeah, since when do you take walks?Sheldon: I read a study online that walking after a meal not only aids in digestion, but increases serotonin, and you know me, if there’s one thing I like more than a refreshing beverage, it’s serotonin. Bye-bye. Howard: Hold on. I’ll walk down with you.Sheldon: Oh, that’s not necessary. You can go first.Howard: Or we could go together.Sheldon: I can’t think of a reason why not.Howard: Let’s go.Sheldon: Hold on. Nope, no reason.Raj: I’ve missed you.Scene: The lobby.Sheldon: All right, say hello to your mother for me.Howard: Okay.Sheldon: What?Howard: You said you were going for a walk.Sheldon: I didn’t say outside.Howard:So what, you’re just gonna walk up and down the stairs?Sheldon: No, of course not. That would be odd and suspicious behavior.Woman’s voice: Here Bubbles. Here boy.Howard: Which way are you going?Sheldon: Which way are you going?Howard: I parked my scooter down the block.Sheldon:I’m going the other way. Bye.Howard: Bye. Actually, I’m this way. Do I smell hot dogs?Sheldon: No. I mean, I have no idea what you smell.Howard: I definitely smell raw hot dog.Sheldon:Perhaps you’re getting a brain tumour.Howard: All right, have a nice walk.Sheldon: I shall. Have a nice scoot.Howard: You might want to stand back. I’m sitting on top of 13 horses here.Sheldon: Oh. Hello, doggie. Nice doggie. I bet you think you smell hot dogs. Look, a cat!Scene: Penny’s apartment.Sheldon:(Knock, knock, knock) Penny, (knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Long pause, knock, knock, knock) Penny.(Penny opens door. A dishevelled Sheldon is holding up one hot dog.) Here. I had to trade the others for my life.Scene: The apartment.Raj: Hey, Leonard?Leonard: Yeah?Raj:I haven’t had sex in a year.Leonard: Where you going with this, Raj?Raj:Don’t flatter yourself, dude. I want to go out and meet a woman.Leonard: So, go.Raj: Well, I need a wingman. I don’t want to come off like a lonely loser.Leonard: And you think my presence will help with that?Raj: Well, I d o. Next to you, I’ll look like a catch.Leonard: I’m not going out tonight, Raj.Raj: All right. Would you mind if I went to your room and downloaded some Asian pornography? Leonard: Very much.Raj: Doesn’t have to be Asian.Leonard:Don’t worry. You’ll me et a girl someday.Raj:No, I won’t.Leonard: Yes, you will, and she’ll be beautiful, and kind and sexy and funny and everything you ever wanted in a woman.Raj: You really think so?Leonard: I do, and you’ll fall hopelessly in love and give her your heart. And she’ll take it and grind it into pathetic, little pieces.Raj:But we’ll have sex first, right?Scene: Penny’s apartment.Sheldon: Mmm, mmm, mmm. That’s Eye-talian.Penny: So, um, was Leonard okay with you coming over?Sheldon: Oh, yes. In fact, he said, I’m fine, I don’t care. And he in no way said it in a manner which would lead one to believe that he was covering up feelings of anguish and betrayal.Penny: Well, good.Sheldon:I’m also pleased to report that he’s all cried out over you.Penny: He’s been crying?Sheldon: Oh, I believe that was something else I wasn’t supposed to mention.Penny: Oh, God, I feel terrible.Sheldon: Do you have a stomach ache, too?Penny: No. Why, do you?Sheldon: No.Penny: Why did you ask if I had one, too?Sheldon: Just making polite dinner conversation. Your turn.Penny: All right. So, what’s new in your life?Sheldon: Well, my new shoes are not made for running.Penny: Have you been running?Sheldon:No. It’s just a suspicion I have. Mmm, mmm, mmm.Penny: I’m so gla d you like it.Sheldon: I do. Leonard never cooks for me.Penny:Well, maybe that’s ’cause Leonard can’t cook.Sheldon:You can’t cook and you made me this.Penny:Whatever. Ooh, I’m gonna get the cheesecake out of the fridge.Sheldon:Oh, Lord, I’m in Jew ish hell.Scene: The apartment.Raj:Look at this. Do you think she’s really doing that or is it PhotoShop?Leonard: I’m pretty sure Martha Stewart never got naked with a room full of big, fat Japanese guys.Raj:You don’t know that. Prison changes people.Leonard: Hey, where you been?Sheldon: I told you, walking.Leonard: For an hour and a half?Sheldon: I got lost.Leonard: How could you get lost? Your phone has GPS.Sheldon: Satellites are down. Solar flares.Raj: There are no solar flares right now.Sheldon: Yes, there are.Raj: Dude, I’m an astrophysicist. If there were solar flares, I’d be all up in it.Sheldon:I’m sorry. I misspoke. What I meant to say was my battery died.Leonard: What the hell was that about?Raj:I don’t know. Do you think this is really Hillary Clinton doing it with Oprah?Leonard: Oh, we really need to get you a girl.Scene: Leonard’s bedroom. Leonard is asleep.Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (knock, knock, knock) Leonard. Leonard: Oh, just come in!Sheldon: Thanks for seeing me on such short notice.Leonard: What do you want, Sheldon?Sheldon:Maybe this isn’t a good time.Leonard: Tell me why you woke me up or I swear to God I will kill you.Sheldon: Do you really think death threats are an appropriate way to begin this conversation? Sometimes your lack of social skills astonishes me.Leonard: What do you want?Sheldon: You may want to sit down.Leonard:I’m in bed!Sheldon: Point taken. You may want to sit up.Leonard: Sheldon!Sheldon:I’ve been seeing Penny behind your back.Leonard: Okay, when you say seeing Penny, what exactly does that mean?Sheldon: We had dinner last night. She made me spaghetti with little hot dogs cut up in it. Well, little hot dog. I gave up the other five hot dogs to a real dog. A real, big dog. A hell hound. Tangential to the primary story. How about I circle back to it?Leonard: Fine. Why did you have dinner with Penny?Sheldon: I told you, she made spaghetti with little hot dogs. I like spaghetti with little hot dogs.Leonard: Then why did you have Chinese food with us?Sheldon:I didn’t want to upset you. Howard made it very clear that my allegiance should be to male comrades before women who sell their bodies for money.Leonard: Is it possible he said Bros before Hos?Sheldon: Yes, but I rephrased it to avoid offending the hos.Leonard: Sheldon, I don’t care if you want to be friends with Penny.Sheldon: Oh. Well, so the emotional turmoil that’s been keeping me from achieving REM sleep was entirely unjustified?Leonard: Yes.Sheldon: Well then as my meemaw would say, looks like we butchered a pig, but nobody wanted bacon. Leonard: I guess not.Sheldon: And now, as promised, the tangent. Sheldon and the Hell Hound, or How I Lost My Hot Dogs.Scene: The laundry room.Penny: Oh, um, I, I can come back.Leonard: D-don’t be silly. We’re neighbours, we’re going to run into each other, may as well get used to it. Penny: Yeah, I guess you’re right.Leonard: You used to it yet?Penny: Nope.Leonard: Me neither. Oh, Sheldon seemed think that I would be upset about you hanging out with him. But I just want you to know it’s fine.Penny: Oh, oh, good, because, um, his mother called me.Leonard: His mother?Penny: Yeah, she wants me to take him shopping for sheets and towels.Leonard: I was going to do that.Penny: Oh, well, then you, you do it.Leonard:No, I don’t want to do it. You can do it.Penny: Okay, you can take him for shoes.Leonard: I just took him for shoes.Penny: Well, all I know is he says they hurt his feet.Leonard:Fine. I’ll take him for shoes next Saturday.Penny: Oh, no, no, no, a bunch of us from work are going to Disneyland next Saturday and Sheldon wants to come.Leonard: Y ou’re taking him to Disneyland?Penny: Well, he heard me making plans on the phone. Was I going to say no?Leonard:All right. But let me know if you’re going to stuff him with junk food. I don’t want to bring home a nice dinner for him and see it go to waste.Penny: We’re going to Disneyland. He’s going to eat junk food.Leonard: Al l I’m saying is give me a heads-up.Penny: Okay, whatever.Leonard:And don’t let him go on Space Mountain after he eats. He’ll say he can handle it, but I promise you’ll end up with churro puke on your shoes.Penny: All right, got it. Is there anything else?Leonard:Yeah, don’t let Goofy near him. He’ll have nightmares and I’ll have to deal with it.Penny: What’s the problem with Goofy?Leonard: Wish I knew. He’s fine with Pluto.Scene: The apartment.Raj: Hey, do you think the elastic woman in The Incredibles needs to use birth control or can she just be a diaphragm?Howard: Well, that’s it. We’re officially out of things to talk about.Penny:We’re home.Leonard: It’s ten o’clock, where have you been?Sheldon: We stayed for the California Adventure water show. It was pure Disney magic.Leonard: I was going to see that with him.Penny: How was I supposed to know that?Sheldon:It’s all right. I’ll see it again with you.Leonard: And I have food here. You said you were going to call.Penny: I know, I know.Sheldon: I can still eat.Penny: No, you already threw up once. Go put on your PJs and brush your teeth.Sheldon:Okay, but just don’t fightLeonard: We’re not fighting.Penny: Just go.Leonard: Aren’t you going to thank Penny for taking you to Disneylan d?Sheldon: Thank you, Penny.Penny:You’re welcome, sweetie.Leonard: Want a cup of coffee?Penny: Oh, um, I should probably get going.Leonard:Come on. It’s just a cup of coffee.Penny: Yep, okay.Howard (to Raj, who has whispered to him): Oh, yeah, the whole thing seems a little twisted to me, too. Leonard: What am I smelling?Penny: Sheldon’s churro on my shoes.Scene: Sheldon’s bedroom.Penny:He’s such an angel when he’s asleep.Leonard: Yeah. Shame he has to wake up.Penny: I think we can do it.Leonard:Smother Sheldon in his sleep? Wouldn’t that be wrong?Penny: No, be friends. You and me.Leonard: Oh. Sure. Absolutely.Penny:Good. I’m glad.Leonard: Here’s an idea. I’m just throwing it out there, friends who have sex. Penny: Good night, Leonard.Leonard:Kidding. Just a couple of friends goofin’ around.Sheldon(in his sleep): No, Goofy, no.。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E17 – The Precious FragmentationScene: The stairwell. Leonard is carrying a large box.Leonard: Why do I always have to carry the heavy stuff?Sheldon: Well, it‟s very simple. In our ragtag band of scientists with nothing to lose, I‟m the smart one, Wolowitz is the funny one, and Koothrappali is the lovable foreigner who struggles to understand our ways and fails. That leaves you, by default, as the muscle.Leonard: One more floor, and I‟d be the pulled muscle.Penny (who is inside the apartment): Oh, it‟s about time, I‟m starving.Leonard:Uh, well, we didn‟t actually get Chinese food.Penny: Why not?Leonard:Don‟t panic, this is better.Penny:Oh, no, you didn‟t trade the food for magic beans, did you?Sheldon: Of course not. And, technically, magic beans would be food, although eating them would be quite a waste, since you could plant them and overnight have a giant beanstalk, which would provide enough roughage for a small city.Penny: Yeah, sometimes I don‟t listen, some times I just watch your jaw go up and down.Leonard: We were on our way to the Chinese restaurant when we thought we saw Adam West, so we followed him.Penny: Who‟s Adam West?Sheldon: Who‟s Adam West? Leonard, what do the two of you talk about after the c oitus?Howard:My guess is, “Hey, four minutes! New record!” That‟s why I‟m the funny one.Leonard: Anyway, we followed the guy to this garage sale, and they had the coolest stuff.Howard: They were closing up. We got this whole box for sixty bucks.Leonard:We didn‟t even get to go through it all. There could be anything in here.Penny: There a new girlfriend in there? …Cause you might need one.Leonard: No. But there is an original final draft Ghostbusters script with actual slime stains! (Raj whispers to Leonard) Oh, you‟re right, it‟s Ghostbusters 2. Never mind.Howard: Oh, my God. An Alf doll. When I was 11 my mother got me one to help me sleep after my dad left. I used to pretend that my dad had moved to the planet Melmac, and Alf was going to bring him back to me. But he never did. Where‟s my daddy, puppet? Where is he?Penny: That is so sad.Sheldon:No, what‟s sad is that you don‟t know Adam West was TV‟s Batman.Credits sequenceScene: The sameLeonard:Here‟s Spock‟s head with no body. Here‟s Mr. T‟s body with no head. Oh, yeah, here‟s Spock‟s body with Mr. T‟s head. I pity the fool who‟s illogical.Penny:Okay, I‟m just gonna go home and make a grilled cheese and window-shop on eHarmony.Leonard: Okay, bye.Penny: Okay.Leonard: Ooh, look, an Indiana Jones connect-the-dots.Raj: And an Aquaman action figure.Howard: Looks like someone drew a penis on him.Raj: H uh? That‟ll come off.Howard:You see what you‟re doing? Stop that.Sheldon: Fascinating.Leonard: What?Sheldon: It appears to be a Lord of the Rings ring.Leonard: Oh.Raj: It‟s even got the Elvish engraving on it.Sheldon: I t‟s not Elvish. It‟s the language of Mordor written in Elvish script. One Ring torule them all.Raj: One Ring to find them.Howard: One Ring to bring them all.Leonard: And in the darkness bind them.Raj: Holy crap, are we nerdy.Scene: The Cheesecake FactoryHoward: So, I was doing some checking on the ring.Raj: Hold on. Sheldon, is there ketchup on that table?Sheldon: Yes, there is. Oh, here‟s a fun fact, ketchup s tarted out as a general term for sauce, typically made of, uh, mushrooms or fish brine with herbs and spices. Some popular early main ingredients included blueberry, anchovy, oyster, kidney bean and grape.Raj: No, that‟s okay. I‟ll get it.Howard: Listen, I was looking at the ring, and it seemed a little weird. No copyright notice on it. So, I took it down to this buddy of mine who deals with, shall we say, the seedy underbelly of the collectibles world.Leonard: Seedy underbelly?Howard: You know, your black market phasers, your screen-worn Lieutenant Uhura panties, that kind of stuff. Raj:Who‟s this mysterious buddy you suddenly have?Howard: Just a guy. I know a guy.Raj: Is it Eddie Crispo?Howard: No, I can‟t tell you who it is. Stop asking.Raj: Who else could it be? It has to be Eddie Crispo.Howard: I know lots of dangerous people, okay?Raj: Name one.Howard: Eddie Crispo. Anyway, he said this isn‟t a replica. It‟s the real deal.Sheldon: If you‟re suggesting that that is the actual ring of power f orged by Sauron in Mount Doom, I look at you with an expression of exhaustion and ever so slight amusement.Leonard:He‟s not saying it‟s a magic ring. You‟re not, are you?Howard: No, but it‟s close. Look at the markings inside. Those are production marki ngs. Nine rings were made for use in the Lord of the Rings movies. Three were given to members of the cast. The rest were destroyed. Except one. One was stolen. Gentlemen, this is the one ring.Sheldon (snatching it): Mine!Leonard: No, it is not yours. We all went in on the box together.Sheldon: Well, yes, but I found it in the box, and the laws of maritime salvage clearly state that the finder of asunken treasure is the owner of the treasure.Leonard: How is this maritime salvage?Sheldon: Other than the lack of water, how is it not?Raj: Wait, wait. Sheldon, stop being crazy for a second. How much is something like this worth?Howard: Well, it‟s tough to say since it‟s hot, but on the underground market, my guy figures…Raj: Your guy Eddie Crispo?Howard: Yes. He figures ten, maybe 15 thousand.Raj: Okay, that‟s a lot of money. The wise thing to do is invest it in something practical. Like a jet ski.Howard: Why do you want a jet ski?Raj: All the wealthy and beautiful people in movies ride Jet Skis. Tha t can‟t just be a coincidence.Sheldon: We can‟t sell it. We have to keep it and love it and polish it, and only take it out occasionally when we go to the park and re-enact our favourite scenes from the movies.Howard: It‟s sad how great that sounds.Leonard: Guys, it‟s stolen. It should go back to Peter Jackson. He made the movies, it belongs to him.Howard: Fine. He can have it back as long as he promises to make me a hobbit in his next movie.Raj: There are no Jewish hobbits.Howard: Clearly, you‟ve nev er been to my house for dinner on Rosh Hashanah.Leonard: We are not blackmailing Peter J… All right, where‟s the ring?Sheldon: You mean my ring?Leonard: What are you doing?Sheldon: The ring was unguarded, it was just sitting on the table, anyone could have taken it. Proof? I did. Leonard: Give me that.Raj:Look, let‟s be reasonable. We all want to do different things with the ring, but your ideas are stupid, and I want a jet ski.Sheldon: I found it. The ring is mine. I don‟t understand why in this gro up I never get my way.Leonard: You always get your way.Sheldon: I‟ll stipulate to that if you give me the ring.Penny: Hey, guys. Enjoying your food that I actually brought you instead of promising food, but bringing you a box of random crap?Leonard: Ye ah, it‟s delicious, the sarcasm‟s a little stale, though. Hey, how about this? Until we figure out what to do with the ring, Penny holds on to it.Penny: What ring?Leonard: This ring.Sheldon: Looking for something?Leonard: Will you hold on to this for a couple of days?Penny: Why?Leonard: It‟s a prop from a movie, and we‟re kind of fighting over it.Penny: Okay, just to be clear, the first piece of jewellery my boyfriend gives me is a prop from a movie, and I don‟t even get to keep it?Howard: I f you ha d gone out with me three years ago, by now, you‟d have my great Aunt Ida‟s brooch that she smuggled out of occupied Belgium in a cat.Leonard: How am I looking now?Scene: Penny and Leonard are asleep in Leonard’s bed. Sheldon creeps in and tries to take the ring fromround Penny’s neck, but she turns over. He tries to make buzzing fly noises to get her to turn back, but she turns all the way the other way. He then uses an extender with a claw on the end to lif the ring from Penny’s chest. As he tries to remove it, she wakes up, screams, and punches him in the face.Sheldon:Ow! You hit me! I‟m bleeding!Leonard: What was that?Penny: Sheldon tried to take the ring and I punched him.Leonard: That‟s my girl.Scene: The cafeteria.Howard:So, Sheldon, how‟s it feel to get beaten up by a girl?Sheldon: It‟s not the first time. I have a twin sister whose assaults began in utero. If only I‟d had the presence of mind to reabsorb her, then I‟d have a mole with hair in it instead of a tedious yearly Christmas let ter.Raj: Gentlemen, have you come to the realization that the only reasonable course of action is to sell the ring and divide the money?Leonard: No.Raj: I was afraid of that. (Opens his laptop to reveal an Indian looking man on a webcam.) Go ahead.Man on Screen: Greetings from Mumbai. I am Raj‟s attorney, Venkatesh Koothrappali.Raj: Also my cousin.Howard: You brought a lawyer?Venkatesh: Don‟t answer that. I‟ll get straight to the point. My client‟s prepared to surrender any interest he has in the ring in exchange for two Kawasaki Jet Skis.Leonard: We‟re not giving him two Jet Skis.Venkatesh: Look, we‟re big boys, why don‟t we just cut to the chase and meet in the middle? One Kawasaki Jet Ski, done and done.Leonard: No Jet Skis.Venkatesh: All right, forget the Jet Skis.Raj: Forget the Jet Skis? That was our line in the sand! What happened to “tear them a new one?”Venkatesh: What can I say? They played hardball. We lost.Raj: You‟re useless.Venkatesh: I told you that when you hired me.Raj:I‟m si gning off now.Venkatesh: Call your mother, she worries.Howard: Okay, just so you know, if we‟re bringing in cousins who are lawyers, prepare for shock and awe. Leonard: You know what? I am ending this. Penny didn‟t want to hold the ring anymore. She gave it to me, I have it. I‟m sending it back. Where‟s the ring?Sheldon: You mean this ring? Next time be aware of your surroundings while urinating in a public men‟s room. Leonard: Give me that.Sheldon: No, it‟s mine.Raj: It‟s all of ours. (They begin to struggle over the ring.)Leonard: Okay, now, this is ridiculous!Howard: Then let go!Leonard:I‟m not letting go, you let go.Howard: I say this ring belongs to the last person who can hold on.Leonard: Fine. But can‟t we go home and start this?Raj: Sure. Let go of the ring.Leonard: All right, it starts now.Howard: You do realize there‟s a giant bug movie marathon tonight on the Syfy Channel. (They start to move away from the table while all still holding the ring.)Raj: Wait, my laptop. (They go back for it.)Scene: The stairwell. The guys are coming up the stairs, all still holding the ring.Howard:You know, there‟s a point when this becomes idiotic.Leonard:And it wasn‟t when we were driving like this?Sheldon:I would advise the three of you that resistance is futile. I have endless patience. I once spent two-and-a-half hours on hold with Hewlett-Packard customer service just to complain about their customer service. Leonard: You want to talk about endless patience? Penny made me watch all five seasons of Sex and the City. Raj: There are six seasons, dude.Leonard: Oh, crap!Raj: No, no, no, the sixth season is great. We go to Paris with Carrie and get our heart broken, and then Mr. Big shows up, we don‟t know if we can trust him again. It‟s a wild r ide.Leonard: Door. (Leonard tries to unlock the door and drops the keys.)Raj: Okay, everybody, and plie. And relevae.Penny:Whatcha doin‟?Leonard: Last one holding the ring decides its fate. I know, it sounds silly.Penny: No, no, no, no, no, no, you are my boyfriend. Nothing you do is silly to me.Leonard: Thank you.Penny:FYI, this is a bag from Victoria‟s Secret.Leonard: I‟m out.Scene: The apartment. The three guys are still holding the ring. Howard is on the phone.Howard: I‟m sorry, Ma, I have to stay late at the office.Raj: No, he‟s doesn‟t! He‟s lying to you!Howard: Will you be quiet?Raj:Well, if you want privacy let go of the ring. I‟m so glad we came to this gentile strip club! Howard, here‟s more bacon to tuck into the shiksa‟s G-string!Howard:I‟ll call you back.Raj: I think it‟s lovely you call your mommy and let her know you‟re going to be late for dinner. From what I know about these things, if a woman doesn‟t breast-feed on time, it‟s very uncomfortable for her boobies.Howard: D on‟t you talk about my mother‟s boobies!Raj: I f you‟re offended, let go of the ring and go on home to your mother‟s boobies.Sheldon:Excellent, excellent. Tire each other out, the ring will be mine. Howard, why don‟t you go after Raj‟s mother?Raj: Why d on‟t we go after your mother?Sheldon:Go ahead. I have no illusions about my mother. She is a kind, loving, religiously fanatical right-wing Texan with a slightly out-of-scale head and a mild Dr. Pepper addiction. Anything you‟d like to add?Howard: That‟s not gonna Better pull out the big gun.Raj: You‟re right. Let‟s talk about your grandmother.Sheldon: No! I call no Meemaws.Raj: Think about this. The only way your mother was born was your Meemaw had sex.Sheldon: I don‟t want to hear this.Howard: Then let go of the ring and walk away.Sheldon: Never.Howard:All right. I‟ll bet your Meemaw didn‟t just have sex to have your mother. I bet she had sex because she liked it.Sheldon: Stop it!Raj: Yeah, Meemaw did the nasty.Sheldon: I said stop it!Howard: We‟re getting to him.Sheldon: Waterfalls!Raj: What?Sheldon: Waterfalls. Crashing waves. Babbling brooks.Howard: What are you doing?Sheldon:Subliminal messaging. I‟m going to make you want to pee. Dripping faucets. Leaky gutter. Peeing.Raj: It‟s, it‟s not working, dude.Sheldon: Oh-ho-ho, it‟s working all right. I have to pee.Raj: T hen let go of the ring and go.Howard: No, actually, I wouldn‟t mind going, too.Raj: Fine. Um, on the count of three. One, two…Sheldon: Wait, just to clarify. When you get to three, do we stand up or do we pee?Howard: We stand up.Sheldon: Excellent choice.Raj: Three.Howard: Something tells me this was a bad day to wear suede shoes.Scene: Sometime later. The guys are on the settee. Howard is seen asleep, he is not holding the ring. The camera pans along to where Sheldon and Raj still hold the ring. Raj, also asleep, lets go and cuddles up to Howard.Sheldon: I‟ve done it! I‟ve won! The ring is mine! It‟s mine! (He runs to the bathroom) We‟re going to clean it up an d make it pretty. My own. My love. My precious. (He looks in the mirror and has turned into golem. He screams and wakes up, still on the settee.) Where‟s the ring?Leonard:It‟s in a FedEx box on its way back to where it came from.Raj: T he fires of Mount Doom?Leonard: Peter Jackson‟s office in New Zealand. It wasn‟t ours.Howard: You quit the game! You had no right to take it.Leonard: I came in here, you guys were all sleeping. The ring was on the floor. No one was touching it.Raj: Well, so then we star t the game over until there‟s a winner.Leonard: There wasn‟t ever going to be a winner. There was going to be a selfish, petty person with a ring and three people who used to be his friend. Is that really what you guys want? …Cause if it is, fine, I don‟t want anything to do with you. And I don‟t know what happened in that bathroom, but I am not cleaning it up! (Goes to his bedroom. Takes a box from under his bed. Takes out the ring.) My precious.Scene: Leonard and Penny are asleep in Leonard’s bed. The extender and claw reaches across and pullsdown the sheet revealing the ring on a chain round Leonard’s neck.Sheldon: I knew it. Give us the precious!Leonard: NEVER!(They begin to struggle, both shouting “give it”, “give it to me” and “it’s mine” at var ious intervals. Penny gets out of the bed and heads out the door.)Penny: U gh, gotta go back to dating dumb guys from the gym.。

[《星球大战V》主题曲]"The Imperial March"您能行行好把衬衫给关了吗Would you please turn your shirt off?那怎么行What?我的闪亮出场需要恢宏的背景音乐I'm giving myself dramatic entrance music.这样人们才会崇拜并畏惧我People will know I'm awesome and to be feared.确实Right.世上最惊悚的事莫过于There's nothing more awesome and frightening than a man 有音乐从一个男人的咪咪间喷薄而出who's got music blasting from between his nipples.斯图亚特忙啥呢Hey,Stuart,what's going on?你可能需要在谷歌日历上记下了Well,you might want to mark your Google calendars.斯坦·李周四来这里开签名会Stan Lee is coming to do a signing on Thursday.他的自传出续集了吗Did he finally write a sequel to his autobiography?我就知道80来岁的人照样老当益壮I'm sure ages79through87were just action-packed.没就是普通的漫画签名罢了No,just a regular comic signing.我叔叔是他的皮肤科医生My uncle is his dermatologist斯坦·李因此卖个面子给他and Stan's doing him a favor.你告诉我这些干嘛啊你Oh,I don't want to know that!这下好了我怎么可能一边和斯坦·李讨论How can I possibly discuss with Stan Lee用银质冲浪板the scientific foundations for interstellar flight来星际飞行的科学依据on a silver surfboard一边逐行扫描他的脸when part of my brain will be scanning his face以寻找皮肤传染病的蛛丝马迹for signs of contagious skin disease?斯坦·李没有皮肤传染病Stan Lee does not have a contagious skin disease.一边去你又不是斯图亚特的叔叔Well,look who thinks he's Stuart's uncle now.难以置信我们要见到斯坦·李了Can't believe it.We're going to meet Stan Lee![《变形金刚》中大黄蜂播放过的歌曲]"I'm So Excited"我错了我不该教他跳这舞的I'm sad to say I taught him those moves.我实在无法取舍I can't decicide究竟让斯坦·李把名字签在whether I want Stan Lee to autograph托尔第一次出场的《神秘之旅》83期上my Journey into Mystery83,first appearance of Thor还是签在《神奇四侠》第五本上or my Fantastic Four number five,死亡博士的处女秀first appearance of Dr.Doom.[Jeopardy智力竞赛节目思考时的音乐节目的主题曲] (Jeopardy theme song playing)阿莱克斯(Jeopardy的主持)我选的答案是Alex,I'm going to go with what is...你是个傻帽you're a dumbass?我决定让斯坦·李把名签在I've decided I'm going to have Mr.Lee sign my copy这个月的《蝙蝠侠》上of this month's Batman.有病吧你That's crazy.蝙蝠侠又不是斯坦·李的作品[竞争对手]Stan Lee had nothing to do with Batman.对啊所以其他人不会让他签这个Yes,which is why no one else will ask him to sign one,于是我就会拥有一件and I will be the possessor of虽然怪异但独一无二的稀世珍宝a unique,albeit confusing,artifact,我从此就和那群芸芸which will set me apart漫画迷不再是一个级别的了from hoi polloi of comic book fandom.这点子不错That's a great idea.我也让他签《蝙蝠侠》去I'm going to get him to sign a Batman as well.你对独一无二这个词很难理解么What is it about the word"unique"you don't understand?靠手被纸片划破了Damn,paper cut.被纸割伤最痛苦了Nothing worse than a paper cut.你忘了割礼吧[犹太儿童切除包皮的仪式]Well,obviously you don't remember your circumcision.上面抽屉里有新孢霉素和创口贴There's Neosporin and Band-Aids in my top desk drawer.这些东西不是该放在卫生间里吗Why don't you keep that stuff in the bathroom?卫生间里有还有厨房里He does.And in the kitchen.还有车里再加上他口袋里And in the car.And in his pocket.没错但我口袋里的可不给别人用Yeah,but the ones in my pocket are mine.-嗨-嘿-Hi!-Hey.猜猜看Guess who's going to be周四谁会去漫画店at the comic bookstore on Thursday?呃给点提示吧Um...can you give me a hint?斯坦·李Stan Lee.噢斯坦利Um...Stanley...斯坦利·图奇?[著名演员]Stanley...Stanley Tucci?不是No.是斯坦·李No,Stan...Lee.哦斯坦·李嘛Oh,oh,Stan Lee!不错嘛Cool!你根本不知道他是谁吧You have no idea who he is,do you?谁说的我当然知道Of course I do.你是我生命中的重要的一部分You're an important part of my life我自然会爱屋及乌啦and I pay attention to the things you are interested in.是嘛好啊Oh,good.好极了Good.那你说说斯坦·李是谁So,who's Stan Lee?星际迷航里的Um...he was on Star Trek.猜错了Nope.-那就星球大战-又错-Star Wars?-No.呃斯坦·李Um...uh,Stan Lee.我知道了Ooh,he was in those是你喜欢的傻帽功夫片里的goofy kung fu movies you love so much?那是李小龙That's Bruce Lee.啊哦Oh.那这是小龙的书呆子哥哥斯坦?So,is this Bruce Lee's nerdy brother,Stan?谢尔顿你抽屉怎么有那么多Sheldon,why do you have all these unopened没拆封的薪水支票paychecks in your desk?因为我想买的东西Because most of the things I'm planning to buy市面上基本上都没有haven't been invented yet.这儿得有好几千块了吧There-there must be thousands of dollars here.你干嘛不存银行里Why don't you put it in the bank?鬼才相信银行I don't trust banks.我坚信如果有一天机器人奋起反抗了I believe that when the robots rise up,自动取款机肯定是起义军领袖ATMs will lead the charge.这儿还有一封You've also got something帕萨迪纳市法院寄来的东西from the Pasadena Municipal Court.肯定又是回信来鄙视我Undoubtedly another snide response之前寄去的几封信里to my repeated letters complaining投诉了法院门口的旗子that the flags in front of the courthouse次序是错误的are flying in the wrong order.按照从左到右的顺序From left to right,it's supposed to be应该先是联邦旗州旗federal,state,最后才轮到帕萨迪纳市旗and then city of Pasadena.打断一下你为此寄了好几封信过去I'm sorry.You sent more than one letter about that?它们看着太碍眼了It bothers me.谢尔顿这是封传票Sheldon,this is a summons.什么的传票A summons for what?信上说你在玛格大道闯了红灯Looks like you ran a red light M Margo Avenue时间是11月16号晚上9点半at9:30p.m.on November16.你被路边的摄像头拍下来了They got you on a traffic camera.挺上镜嘛Nice picture.11月16号November16?佩妮那不就是你在浴缸里摔倒Penny,that's the evening you fell in your bathtub然后我不得不带你去看急诊的那晚吗and I had to drive you to the emergency room.不是No,it isn't.就是Yes,it is.就不是No,it isn't.佩妮我记得很清楚Penny,I have an eidetic memory.而且摄像头也拍下了你在副驾驶位置上Also,that's a picture of you in the passenger seat托着你那脱臼的肩膀holding your dislocated shoulder.才不是呢Mmm,no,it isn't.好吧那为啥传票上违反交规的Okay,then why is a summons for a traffic violation是你的车而且挂着你的车牌committed in your car,bearing your license plates,却寄来我这儿了coming to me?好吧他们给我发了传票Okay,look,they sent me the ticket.我告诉他们当时并不是我开的车I told them I wasn't driving然后他们逼问我"除了你还有谁"and they were all,"If it wasn't you,who was it?"于是你就把我出卖了So you betrayed me?才没有No!这哪是出卖It wasn't a betrayal.我只不过表示"我的驾照已经没分好扣了"It was more of a"I can't afford any more points on my license."我已经不得不I already have to buy my insurance去开曼群岛上买车险了from this place in the Cayman Islands.但我之所以开你的车还不是因为But the only reason I was driving your car你当时可怜兮兮的我才伸出援手was because you were in distress and I was rescuing you.是啊是啊你看现在你有张照片记录英勇的一天Yea yea.Look at you.you have a photo to remember that heroic day.没什么大不了的It's not that big a deal.你只要周四去法院You just go down to the court on Thursday交罚金就行and you pay the fine.我才不去交罚金I'm not going to pay a fine.那就说明我有罪That would imply I'm guilty.你确实有罪You are guilty.[《法律与秩序》的主题曲]这个我喜欢That one I liked.我是无罪的I am not guilty.我只有实习驾照I only have a learner's permit.佩妮教我的Penny was the teacher.转黄灯时她就说"快快快"When the light turned yellow she said"Go,go,go."于是我就"开开开"So I went,went,went.谢尔顿对不起Sheldon,I'm sorry.我会还你罚金的钱I'll be happy to reimburse you for the fine.只要我能参演一部电影You know,as soon as I get a part in a movie或者自己拍个电视剧or my own TV series.不用你还因为我不会交的You don't need to reimburse me because I'm not paying.周四那天我会去法院On Thursday,I will have my day in court正义会得到伸张and justice will be done.我现在就着手准备辩护In fact,I'm going to begin preparing my defense right now.他坐定牢了Okay,he's going to jail.对哦Oh,that's right.周四是斯坦·李签名日Thursday is Stan Lee Day.看到你做的好事了吧Now you see what you've done?就因为你我们都见不到斯坦·李了Because of you,we're all going to miss Stan Lee.你说"都"是什么意思What do you mean"all?"你们是我朋友啊Well,you're my friends.你们要站在我旁边支持我You'll be standing by my side,supporting me,为我提供案例feeding me legal precedents,你们上身要是够壮and if you had the upper body strength,我胜诉时可以把我搁肩膀上扛出去carrying me out on your shoulders when I'm victorious.这个嘛不行Yeah,okay.No.你是说我为自己辩护时Are you saying that you will not stand beside me你不会来站在我身边吗as I plead my case?是这个意思That's what I'm saying.霍华德Howard?斯坦·李法庭上的你Uh,Stan Lee,or you in court.要是《苏菲的选择》有这么简单Uh,if this was Sophie's Choice电影就不会那么长了不行it would've been a much shorter movie.No.拉杰Raj?你会来吧You'll be there,won't you?那好吧All right,then.我所谓的朋友都抛弃了我My so-called friends have forsaken me.看来只剩我和目击证人了So,I guess it'll just be me and my eyewitness.晕死Oh,balls.请着装得体一点Please try to wear something appropriate.要是法官只顾着想It won't help my case你屁股上'美味多汁'的意思if the judge is busy trying to read the word"Juicy"对我的案子没好处scrawled across your buttocks.佩妮Penny.佩妮Penny.佩妮Penny.节奏不对That's just wrong.好了走吧All right,let's go.等一下Wait,hold on.去法院之前Before we get to the courthouse,我想看一下你的演技I'd like to call on your skills as an actress.这是什么What is this?我冒昧地I've taken the liberty为你起草了出庭作证的剧本of scripting your appearance on the witness stand面对现实你有点我行我素because,let's face it,you're somewhat of a loose cannon.别担心都是用你的方言写的{\c it's written in your vernacular.我们排练一下如何So shall we rehearse?我有得选吗Do I have a choice?你当然有选择权Well,of course you have a choice.虽然我们生活在宿命里Although we live in a deterministic universe,但每个人都有自由选择的权力each individual has free will.给我坐下Now,sit down.请你回忆下I call your attention11月16日发生的事to the events of November16.你记得那天吗Do you remember that date?废话我记得"Darn tootin',I do.请法官原谅我家乡内布拉斯加"If the court will excuse my homespun,粗俗简朴的语言corn-fed Nebraskan turn of phrase."很好继续Excellent.Go on.我记得那天"The reason that date is,like,而且铭记在我的脑子里"so totally fixed in my memory是因为我有幸目睹了"is that I had the privilege to be witness毕生从未见过的英勇行为to one of the most heroic acts I've ever seen in,like,ever."谁的英勇行为"And who performed that heroic act?"您的啊阁下"Why,you did,sir.您谢尔顿·库珀博士"You.Dr.Sheldon Cooper.而且我想说我很荣幸认识您And may I add,it is a privilege to know you."不必称赞我"There's no need for compliments.法庭只看重事实This court is only interested in the facts."但感觉很荣幸能认识您啊也是个事实啊"But it is a fact that it's a privilege to know you.真的Totally."一滴泪从我面颊流下A teardrop rolls down my cheek?!纯属建议Only a suggestion.喉咙哽咽一下也可以A catch in your throat would work just as well.但我感觉"But it is a fact很荣幸能认识您啊也是个事实啊"that it's a privilege to know you.真的Totally."你还是穿"美味多汁"的裤子吧Maybe you should put on your"Juicy"pants again.去交罚金Pay the cashier.谢尔顿·库珀Sheldon Cooper.早上好法官大人Good morning,Your Honor.我是谢尔顿·库珀博士Dr.Sheldon Cooper自我辩护appearing in pro se.也就是说代表我自己That is to say,representing himself.我知道什么意思I know what it means.我读过法律学校I went to law school.结果却在审理交通法庭And yet you wound up in traffic court.不管怎样Anyway,法官允许的话if it would please the court,我想做个开庭陈述I'd like to begin with an opening statement.法官会建议你简短点The court would advise you to make it quick,因为法官早上吃了可能馊了的玉米煎饼as the court had a dicey-looking breakfast burrito this morning 而且刚吃了易蒙停(止泻药)and just took an Imodium.快速的开场陈述A quick opening statement.如同一个挤奶凳Like a milking stool,本案有三个my case rests on立足点three legs.我要论证的是I will demonstrate我在驾驶过程中受到一个女人的误导that I was improperly instructed in driving这个女人缺乏社会上by a woman whose lack of respect for society 对反社会界定的基本认识borders on the sociopathic.我要争辩的是I will argue紧急情况下的法律原理that the emergency met the legal doctrine是需要即合法[拉丁文]of quod est necessarium est licitum--也就是需要即合法that which is necessary is legal.但首先But first,我要提出第六条修正案[美国权利法案]I will raise a Sixth Amendment issue.我无法与控方对峙I'm unable to confront my accuser,因为控方是一台非人类机器a non-human entity,to wit,也就是摄像机a camera.所以综上所述So,to sum up:错误指导{\c加上"需要即合法"的原理{\c还有第六条修正案Sixth Amendment.我的挤奶凳辨述完毕My milk stool is complete.佩服佩服Impressive.谢谢Thank you.罪名成立Guilty.去付钱吧Pay the cashier.我反对I object.你这是在无视法律You're completely ignoring the law.不我遵守法律No,I'm following the law.只是在无视你I'm ignoring you.是吗Really?提醒你一下我可是业内顶尖人士I would point out that I am at the top of my profession,你却坐在桌子后面过家家while you preside over the kiddy table of yours.库珀博士我给你个机会为你最后的言论道歉Dr.Cooper,before I find you in contempt不然我要视你为蔑视法庭and throw you in jail,I'm going to give you a chance把你扔进监狱to apologize for that last remark.我可是个科学家I am a scientist.我才不会为陈述事实而道歉I never apologize for the truth.那是我的位置That's my spot.我等不及要问斯坦·李I can't wait to ask Stan Lee为什么他笔下每个角色的姓和名why he insists on giving all his characters first and last names 开头字母都是一样的that start with the same letter.[以下均为惊奇漫画人物]得了你这是何必Oh,come on.Why would you do that?分别出自《绿巨人》和《神奇四侠》布鲁斯·班纳里德·理查Bruce Banner,Reed Richards,分别出自《神奇四侠》和《怪谈故事》后者为惊奇的系列漫画苏珊·斯汤斯蒂芬·史催博士Sue Storm,Stephen Strange,分别出自《蜘蛛侠》和《神奇四侠》奥拓·八爪博士和银影侠Otto Octavius,Silver Surfer,出自《蜘蛛侠》彼得·帕克还有最夸张的Peter Parker,oh,and worst of all,出自《神奇的蜘蛛侠》小约翰·约拿·詹姆森J.Jonah Jameson,Jr.好吧我要插在你前面Okay,I'm cutting.免得斯坦·李被你惹毛了我遭殃I'm not gonna talk to Stan Lee after you cheese him off.《蜘蛛侠》的主题音乐铃声嗨Hey.谢尔顿进了监狱Sheldon's in jail.啥谢尔顿进了监狱?!Sheldon's in jail?!被你说中了You called it.-怎么搞的-你觉得呢-For what?-What do you think?就是他平时一贯的找抽风格For doing the same crap he always does,只不过法官不吃这一套except to a judge.他不道歉就出不来He has to stay in there until he apologizes.那就让他道歉啊So tell him to apologize.多谢提醒莱纳德Oh,gee,thanks,Leonard.你以为我没想过吗That didn't occur to me.如果他五点前还不道歉If he doesn't apologize by5:00,就得在监狱里过夜了he is going to spend the night in jail.哦不真是糟糕Oh,no,that's terrible.哇队伍动了挂了回见Ooh,the line's moving.Got to go.Bye.有人吗Excuse me?狱卒在吗Excuse me,jailor?咋了What?我要上厕所I need to use the restroom.在那边自便Knock yourself out.这算是马桶?That's the toilet?不然你以为是许愿池吗Well,it ain't a wishing well.请转告法官我准备向他道歉Please tell the judge I'm ready to apologize.看啊Look at that."致吾友莱纳德"To my friend,Leonard.惊奇漫画的一个系列后改称Loners独行侠斯坦·李"From Stan Lee,Excelsior!"牛逼Awesome.我上面写的是"致吾友霍华德"Mine says,"To my friend,Howard.独行侠斯坦·李From Stan Lee,Excelsior!"我上面写的是"致拉杰斯坦·李"Mine says,"To Raj,from Stan Lee."因为你纠结他的角色名把他惹毛了That's'cause you pissed him off about his character names.搞毛Hey,前者是惊奇漫画虚拟组织S.H.I.E.L.D成员后者出自《蜘蛛侠》我还没提达姆弹头杜甘和绿魔I didn't even mention Dum Dum Dugan or Green Goblin,分别出自《夜魔侠》和《钢铁侠》马特·默多克和小辣椒波兹Matt Murdock,Pepper Potts,末日博士[出自《神奇四侠》]Victor V on Doom,还有最夸张的oh,and worst of all,惊奇漫画的长篇幽默系列米莉模特Millie the Model.我们回来了We're home.伙计情况如何Oh,hey,buddy.How'd it go?你明明都知道了还问个屁You know very well how it went.是啊但我们想听你亲口说Yeah,but we all want to hear it from you.我被判有罪还被罚了533美元I was found guilty and fined$533.我会写张支票给你I'm going to write you a check for that.只要你答应我藏在抽屉里As long as you promise to put it in your drawer别去兑换就和其他那些东西一样and never cash it,like the others.我还没有驾照I also now have three points但上面已经被扣了三点on a driver's license I do not yet possess,还被迫道了个冤枉歉and I was forced to issue an undeserved apology,只因为我拒绝在一群犯人面前simply because I refuse to urinate就着个不锈钢尿盆排尿in a stainless steel bowl in front of criminals.再加上你错过了和斯坦·李见面Plus,you didn't get to meet Stan Lee.好了别刺激他了霍华德Okay,that's enough,Howard.这可怜虫够难受的了The poor guy's had a tough time.一个下午都待在监狱He had to spend the entire afternoon in jail还穿成这幅德行wearing that suit.说得对You're right,所以我们也别提在亲笔签名后so it would be cruel to mention他带斯图尔特和咱一起去吃了意式冰淇淋that after he finished signing autographs,这就太残酷了Stanley took Stuart and us out for gelato.你们和斯坦·李共进意式冰淇淋?You had gelato with Stan Lee?他还允许我们叫他斯坦He said we could call him Stan.除了拉杰Except for Raj.你这下满意了吧佩妮Well,I hope you're satisfied,Penny.今天我所遭受的磨难You are responsible这全都是你的错for all the evil that has be fallen me today.-好吧我知道...-我还没说完呢-Okay,I realize that...-Not finished.都是因为你It is because of you害得我有了犯罪记录that I now have a criminal record,还因为你害得我and it is because of you that I missed out错过了和斯坦·李共进意式冰淇淋on having gelato with Stan Lee.-好吧也许以后还有机会...-不可能了-Okay,maybe you'll have another chance to have...-No,no.再也没有这种机会和斯坦·李一起共进意式冰淇淋了I will never have another chance to have gelato with Stan Lee 因为这种机会because opportunities to have和斯坦·李一起共进意式冰淇淋一生只有一次gelato with Stan Lee come but once in a lifetime.手起笔落The Moving Finger writes,白纸黑字再难改[出自《鲁拜集》]and having writ,moves on他刚是朝我竖中指了吗Did he just somehow give me the finger?可不只是手指Not just the finger.还挥起了小手The moving finger.你好斯图尔特Hey,Stuart.你好佩妮Oh,hey,Penny.-怎么了-没什么-What's going on?-Nothing.我正准备打烊然后出发I'm just getting ready to close up and...head out.真好晚上有安排Cool.Got any fun plans?对今晚有重大安排Oh,yeah.Big night tonight.跟只猫一起共享金枪鱼罐头Gonna share a can of tuna with the cat.真好Oh,nice.那甚至不是我的猫Not even my cat.我就喂喂它I just feed it.有几晚它甚至都不会出现Some nights it doesn't even show up.好吧Oh,okay.我希望Well,I was hoping,um,你能帮我个忙you could do me a favor.义不容辞说吧Sure,yeah,name it.这次谢尔顿没见上斯坦·李我得负一定责任Well,I'm kind of responsible for Sheldon missing Stan Lee,我真的很想弥补他and I really want to make it up to him.所以希望你能给我他的电话So I was hoping you could give me his phone number也许我能安排他们见个面so maybe I can arrange for them to meet.抱歉我没他电话Oh,I'm sorry,I don't have his phone number.该死Damn.好吧谢了All right.Thank you.等等Wait.我有他地址I have his address.真的Really?太好了Great!但不能告诉你But I can't give it to you.那你为什么要提这茬Then why did you tell me you had it?我不知道这不聊天嘛I don't know.Just chatting.别这样看着我You're looking at a guy我已经可怜到连流浪猫who could very well get stood up都可能放我鸽子by a stray cat tonight.抱歉斯图尔特I'm sorry,Stuart.不管怎样谢了Thanks anyway.等等Wait.怎么了Yeah?不如我们做笔交易Maybe we can make a deal.什么交易What kind of deal?我告诉你地址I will give you the address你就陪我去参加我表妹的婚礼if you go to my cousin's wedding with me.你这是在逼我跟你约会You're extorting a date out of me?我没其他办法I kind of have to.这次要结婚的这个表妹The cousin who's getting married就是以前经常陪我参加别人婚礼的那个is the cousin I usually go to weddings with.我能带上莱纳德吗Can I bring Leonard?当然随便吧Sure.What the hell.成交Deal.告诉别人他是你表哥就行We'll tell people he's your cousin.这是斯坦·李家的大门This is Stan Lee's front door.越过斯坦·李家马路的石头We were on Stan Lee's curb,走过斯坦·李经常走过的路then we were on Stan Lee's walk,终于来到了斯坦·李家大门外and now we're at Stan Lee's front door.对Yup.天哪你按了斯坦·李家门铃Oh,Lord,you just rang Stan Lee's doorbell.就站在斯坦·李家门外At Stan Lee's house.我们就要进去跟斯坦·李共享牛奶和点心We're about to go in and have milk and cookies with Stan Lee.亲爱的我不确定他是否会招待我们点心Okay,sweetie,I don't know if we're gonna have cookies,还是直接问候了事or he's just gonna say hi,还是会怎么着所以让我来跟他谈...or really what's gonna happen,so just let me talk,and...哪位Yeah?你就是斯坦·李吗Are you Stan Lee?见鬼Oh,damn.你好我叫佩妮这位是我朋友谢尔顿Hi.I'm Penny.This is my friend,Sheldon.她现在不是我朋友We're not friends at the moment.鉴于此刻形势Depends on how this goes.好吧总之Right,right.Anyway,谢尔顿是您的超级粉丝他原打算Sheldon here is a huge fan of yours,and he was supposed那天去漫画书店参加您的见面会to meet you the other day at the comic book store,可惜最后进了监狱but he kind of ended up in jail.了解你们真以为I see.And you thought这样不请自来就能随便敲我家门you'd just come over to my house uninvited?你说过我们是受邀来的You said we were invited.不不我只说我邀请你Oh,no,no,I said I'm inviting you跟我一起去斯坦·李家to come with me to Stan Lee's house.你们这些自称粉丝的真是不可思议You know,you fan boys are unbelievable.真以为只要自己高兴随时都能按我家门铃Do you think you can just ring my doorbell any time you want?既然这样干嘛不索性进门来I mean,why don't you just come on in跟我一起看湖人队比赛好了and watch the Lakers game with me?我不是很爱好体育Well,I'm not much of a sports fan,不过感谢邀请but thank you.我很抱歉I'm sorry.他不是很懂什么叫讽刺He doesn't really understand sarcasm.好吧我动点真格的他就会懂了Well,I'll give him something he'll understand.琼妮快报警Joanie,call the police!很高兴见到你Nice to meet you.《神奇四侠》《夜魔侠》Fantastic Four,Daredevil,《无敌钢铁超人》Invincible Iron Man,分别为《钢铁侠》《蜘蛛侠》中角色快乐霍根蜥蜴博士Happy Hogan,Curt Connors...你能不能消停会Would you just let it go?Fin Fang Foom是《钢铁侠》中一条龙的形象还有最糟糕的非凡龙And worst of all,Fin Fang Foom.你去哪了Hey,where've you been?我告诉你们我去哪了I'll tell you where I've been.你们或许跟斯坦·李一起吃了冰激凌You boys may have had gelato with Stan Lee还得了他亲笔签名的漫画and gotten autographed comics,我可是亲自进了他家but I saw the inside of his house还得到了他亲笔签名的禁制令申请状and got an autographed application for a restraining order.赞Sweet.还有我还能再见到他等听证会的时候Plus,I get to hang out with him again at the hearing.下次我还能如法炮制This is going to look great hanging nextLeonard Nimoy史波克扮演者去要伦纳德·尼莫伊签名的禁制令to my restraining order from Leonard Nimoy.。

我们好像好久Seems like forever没有四个人一起出来吃饭了我是说Since the four of us have been out to eat you know? 没有女生的情况下Just the guys.够了吧我们知道了Oh god! Yes we get it.你现在有女朋友了You have a girlfriend now.搞得你小嫉妒了吗真不好意思A little jealous sorry?谁嫉妒了No I'm not jealous.好吧为了能嘿咻我愿意付出一切代价All right I'd kill a hobo if it'll get me laid.可以点菜了吗Now can we order?天啊他们更新了菜单Oh dear lord they re-did the menu.那又怎样菜又没变So what? It's the same food.是吗看看这个Oh is it? Look at this.左宗棠鸡[被归为湘菜]General tso's chicken它不是在招牌菜之列了Is no longer listed under "Specialties."而是归在鸡料理下面了It's now under "Chicken."所以呢[So与'Tso'同音]So?是的是左宗棠鸡Yes general tso.我不是说"左" 我是问"所以呢"Not "Tso " The chicken "So" The question.所以呢So?所以它为什么不是招牌菜了呢So why is it no longer a specialty?这里的厨师是对这道菜没了信心Did the chef lose confidence还是对他自己没了信心啊In the dish or himself?And look over here.强盗酱沾鲜虾"Shrimp in mobster sauce."强盗酱是什么What is "Mobster sauce"?这明显是打印错误It's obviously a typo.也许吧也可能是这家餐馆现在是Perhaps. Or perhaps this restaurant's一场有组织的犯罪活动的前线阵地Now a front for organized crime.就上面的介绍来看强盗酱里包含For all we know the mobster sauce丰富的已死强盗的肉Contains actual chunks of deceased mobsters.不不不不我觉得它的意思是No no no no-- I think it just means这是一种强盗们喜欢的酱料It's the kind of sauce that mobsters like.没那么复杂啦It doesn't mean any of that!只是打印错误而已It's a typo.这样吧我们还是去吃批萨You know what? Let's just get a pizza.好主意我们去柯里昂意式餐厅Good idea. We'll go to corleone's.当然好那儿可没有强盗Sure no mobsters there.知道不我越想越觉得You know the more I think about it强盗酱里不可能包含the mobster sauce couldn't possibly contain丰富的强盗肉chunks of mobster.这又是为什么呢And why is that?它被归在海鲜里It was listed under "Seafood."如果他们是一群跟鱼睡觉的强盗呢What if they were mobsters who slept with the fishes? 莱纳德这可是很严肃的话题Leonard are we having a serious conversation or not?What the...?电视机不见了The tv is gone.我们的笔记本也没了So are our laptops.老天Oh god.老天Oh god.老天爷啊!Oh god!还好还好It's all right.我的漫画书都还在They didn't take my comic books.他们拿走了我们的电视机They took our tv两台笔记本电脑Two laptops四台外接硬盘Four external hard-drives我们的ps2和ps3Our ps2 our ps3x-box和x-box360Our x-box our x-box 360经典版任天堂Our classic nintendo超级任天堂任天堂64 还有wii[以上都是游戏机] Our super nintendo our nintendo 64 and our wii.我们喜欢玩游戏We like games.对了游戏他们拿走了光晕1Right games. They took halo 1光晕2 光晕3 使命召唤1Halo 2 halo 3 call of duty 1使命召唤2 使命召唤3Call of duty 2 call of duty 3摇滚乐团摇滚乐团2Rock band rock band 2最终幻想1到9 塞尔达传说Final fantasy 1 thru 9 the legend of zelda塞尔达传说之时光之笛The legend of zelda: ocarina of time塞尔达传说之黎明公主The legend of zelda: twilight princess超级马里奥兄弟超级马里奥银河Super mario brothers super mario galaxy马里奥和索尼克在冬奥会...Mario and sonic at the winter olympics...还有吃豆小姐[以上都是游戏]...and ms. Pacman.各种电玩游戏Assorted video games.犯罪现场鉴证科什么时候到When does the csi team get here?什么What?鉴于他们要过来In anticipation of their arrival我已经包好了一些证据I've bagged some evidence.其中一个贼匪在扫荡我们的屋子时One of the thieves had the audacity居然斗胆解决了自己的摄水问题To quench his thirst while ransacking our home.你们应该可以从上面找到一些有效的指纹You should be able to pull some good prints off this.这些是我的指纹And now here are my prints这样你们就可以把我排除在嫌疑之外了So you can rule me out as a suspect.那我呢What about me?对不起莱纳德现在就排除I'm sorry leonard. It's too early to discount内鬼作案的可能性还为时过早The possibility of this being an inside job.我请求你枪毙了他也不算太过分吧Would I be completely out of line to ask you to shoot him? 我很乐意把他送进监护病房I'd be happy to put him under a 72-hour进行72小时的精神病观察Psychiatric hold.我不是疯子I'm not crazy.我妈妈带我去做过测试了My mother had me tested.我都问完了We're done here.打这个电话我们会把调查报告传真给你们的Call this number and we'll fax you a copy of the report 这样你们就能向保险公司索赔了So you can submit it to your insurance company.请稍等I-I'm sorry.你这就算问完了吗That's the end of your inquiry?那你还有什么相关的信息要提供吗Do you have any more information that might be relevant? 天呐多得去了比如说Oh my goodness. Where do I begin? For instance--我笔记本电脑里My laptop contained有五种思维实验其中四种four out of the five gedankenexperiments都是关于量子测量课题的necessary for a cogent restatement强有力的重述of the quantum measurement problem.这对他们有何帮助How is that going to help them?这样他们就可以监控科学出版社They could monitor scientific publications and see看看有没有其他人在未来的几个月内if anyone posts such a cogent restatement in the next寄给他们这类重述如果有Couple of months. If so该作者就很有可能The authors are most likely偷了我的笔记本电脑in possession of my stolen laptop.晚安孩子们Good night fellas.收工波齐科Come on Bochco.我们现在该怎么办What are we supposed to do now?唯一能做的就是The only thing we can do.在罪犯回来前坐下看看手机电视Watch tv on our phones until the criminals return在熟睡后被他棒打致死and bludgeon us to death in our sleep.这是否意味着我排除嫌疑了Does that mean you've ruled me out as a suspect? 我多么希望不是你Oh how I wish I could.我不必去尿尿I do not have to urinate.我的膀胱我做主I am the master of my own bladder.该死Drat.太难以置信了I can't believe it.要不是我一直在餐厅上班If I hadn't been working the dinner shift我可就和盗贼正面相遇了I would've run right into the robbers.你不必感到害怕Hey there's no reason for you to be scared.我才不怕I'm not scared.我会给他们的屁屁还以重击I would've gone all Nebraska on their asses.莱纳德佩妮Leonard and Penny.莱纳德佩妮Leonard and Penny.莱纳德佩妮Leonard and Penny.把球棒给我Hand me the bat.本栋楼刚发生恶性罪案We just had a major crime in the building你问都没问就开门了And you open the door without asking who it is? 不会再发生了你啥事It won't happen again. What's up?没事Nothing.来看看你俩是否安好I just wanted to see if you were both okay.我们好得很谢尔顿We're fine Sheldon.那好吧All right then.-晚安-晚安- Good night. - Good night.即使是谢尔顿刚才也显得真怪That was weird even for him.莱纳德佩妮Leonard and Penny.莱纳德佩妮Leonard and Penny.莱纳德佩妮Leonard and Penny.请问哪位Who is it?谢尔顿谢尔顿·库珀Sheldon. Sheldon Cooper.你好Yes?我可以进来吗May I come in?来吧Yeah.貌似你们在喝酒I see you're drinking wine.不错Yes we are.然后准备就寝了And we're about to go to bed.谢尔顿你是不是要在这儿过夜Sheldon do you want to sleep here tonight?尽管莱纳德身型娇小Oh as small as Leonard is我还是你俩在沙发上睡不太舒服I don't think the two of you'd be comfortable on the couch. 你要怎样What do you want?不是我的问题而是进化规律It's not what I want it's what evolution wants.人类是灵长类动物Human beings are primates.灵长类动物一般是群居生活Primates have evolved to live in groups从而互相保护互相关爱both for protection and support.但你不喜欢群居But you don't like other people.今晚不同I do tonight.那儿太恐怖了It's scary over there.这儿也快了It's getting scary here too.三只小猫three little kittens?三头小猪Three little pigs?上帝啊我不知道God I don't know.星球大战Star Wars?我们赢了吗能上床了吗Did we win? Can we go to bed?天呐已经简单到极至了Good lord-- I could not have made this easier.氢原子字母HHydrogen atom h加上猪减去花生等于希格斯粒子[h+pigs-p=higgs] Plus pigs minus pea-- higgs.船艏被困在幻影地带内的查德将军[超人前传人物] Bow General Zod trapped in the phantom zone.船艏和地带[bo+zone]Bow-zone.梨挠痒痒Pear. Tickle.梨加挠痒痒[par+tickle]Pear-tickle.希格斯粒子玻色子微量子Higgs boson particle.你怎么就想不通How could you not get that?没错佩妮都画那儿了He's right penny. It's all there.谢尔顿亲爱的我知道你有不安全感Sheldon sweetie I know you're feeling insecure但我们真得睡觉了But we've really got to go to sleep.那好吧我先值第一班All right. I'll take the first watch世界时4点再叫醒你们And wake you at 0400.太好了晚安Great. Good night.等等什么叫世界时4点Wait wait-- what's 0400?-就是零点-那不还差45分钟就到了吗- 00 a.M. - That's like in 45 minutes.赶紧撤Just keep walking.那里静悄悄的it's quiet out there.可能太安静了Maybe a little too quiet.你要去哪儿Where are you going?就出去看看Just gonna take a look around outside.糟糕的主意Bad idea.不吉姆别开门No jim don't open the door!听她的没错吉姆Listen to her Jim.别担心Don't worry.外面没人There's no one out there.莱纳德佩妮Leonard and Penny!莱纳德佩妮Leonard and Penny!莱纳德佩妮Leonard and Penny!是谁Who is it?好了现已安装钛制固定栓锁All right we've got a titanium dead bolt和加固门框And a reinforced jamb由最先进的电子门禁系统控制controlled by a state-of-the-art electronic access system. 万一他们切断电源呢What if they cut the power?内置200瓦不间断的There's a 200-watt uninterruptible后备供电backup power supply.万一我的钥匙被偷了呢What if someone steals my keys?配备了独立声控和指纹扫描系统There are independent voice and fingerprint scanners.万一我被绑架了被迫录下声音What if someone kidnaps me forces me to record my voice 还被绑匪割下了拇指呢and then cuts off my thumb?那我可要送一篮子松饼感谢他们I'll send them a basket of muffins.而在屋内配备了动作监测器Now inside we've got motion detectors红外传感器和监视器同时连接infrared sensors and cameras connected to a server配有最先进面部识别软件的服务器running state-of-the-art facial recognition software.你从哪儿搞来这些玩意Where did you get all this stuff?我在国防部有个朋友Eh I got a buddy over at the Department of Defense.他这么大方给你了吗He just gave it to you?我要是开口他肯定会给的I'm sure he would have if I had asked.讽刺的是他们的保安系统Ironically their security也不是这么完善嘛isn't all that good.拉杰你的车挡住我的...Raj your car is blocking me...防盗警报防盗警报Intruder alert intruder alert.-防盗警报-搞什么鬼- Intruder alert. - What the hell?-防盗警报-抱歉我来帮你- Intruder alert. - Sorry let me help you.真是"完美"的保安系统Wonderful security system遭受金枪鱼群袭击时用正好If we're attacked by a school of tuna.别担心这渔网还将通电Don't worry the net's going to be electrified.她一旦倒在地上全身便会不可自主地痉挛You picture her on the floor spasming uncontrollably. 这还差不多Better.谢尔顿的日记[恶搞《守望者》中的罗夏日记] Sheldon's journal.保安系统已安装到位Security system in place.但我依然难以入睡However sleep continues to elude me.我目睹了帕萨迪纳市的阴暗面[加州城市]I've seen the underbelly of Pasadena...这座所谓的玫瑰之城如今阴魂不散This so-called city of roses and it haunts me.罪恶横行毫无正义Ah the injustice.我被痛苦折磨辗转反侧I lie here awake tormented而邪恶四处潜伏在外while out there evil lurks可能正霸占我的经典任天堂玩大金刚呢probably playing Donkey Kong on my classic Nintendo. 老天Oh dear.我的膀胱我做主I am the master of my own bladder.莱纳德佩妮Leonard and Penny.莱纳德佩妮Leonard and Penny.莱纳德佩妮Leonard and Penny.天哪Oh my...老天谢尔顿God Sheldon.见鬼的你到底在外面干什么What the hell are you doing out there?我听到有响声I heard a noise.那是我们It was us.撞翻了一个台灯We knocked over a lamp.你们干嘛要撞翻台灯Why would you knock over a lamp?-我们正要... -没必要告诉他- We were going to have... - He doesn't need我们在干嘛莱纳德to know what we were doing Leonard.没错我是没必要知道你们在干嘛No she's right I don't need to know what you were doing. 继续吧Carry on.你干什么What are you doing?走门就可以了Use the door.好主意Good thinking.或许我该四处查看下Perhaps I'll check the perimeter再泡点热牛奶and make some warm milk.很好去吧Great you do that.你想要我给你带点热牛奶吗Would you like me to bring you some warm milk?我有乳糖不耐症I'm lactose intolerant.你是不想再弄出更大的声响来吓我And you don't wish to alarm me with any more loud noises.想得真周到Very thoughtful.佩妮要热牛奶吗Warm milk Penny?不了谢谢No thanks.好吧Fine.晚安先生Good night to you sir.还有女士Miss.真是抱歉Sorry about that.你又无能为力Ugh what can you do?过来Here.防盗警报防盗警报Intruder alert intruder alert.防盗警报防盗警报Intruder alert intruder alert.看来沃罗威茨启动电网了Looks like Wolowitz got the net electrified.谢尔顿你没事吧Sheldon are you okay?我我没事I-I'm fine...只是控制不了自己的膀胱了Although I'm no longer the master of my own bladder.我的新电脑装了瘟骑系统My new computer came with windows 7.瘟骑比围死他更容易上手嘛Windows 7 is much more user-friendly than windows vista. 这我可不喜欢I don't like that.你不觉得搬到新城市去Don't you think looking for a new city to live in有点反应过激了吗is a bit of an overreaction?我们的公寓被盗Our apartment was broken into我们的保安系统又差点杀了我Our security system tried to kill me因此我决定永久搬离帕萨迪纳And as a result I'm leaving Pasadena forever.你说我这能叫反应过度吗Tell me how that's overreacting.拜托谢尔顿你可不能搬Come on Sheldon you can't move.你不是该留在原地吗Don't you need to stay in one place这样你的母舰返回时候so the mother ship can find you才能找到你when it returns?真是这样就好了Oh if that were only true.不幸的是在可预见的将来我还得呆地球上Unfortunately as I'm earthbound for the foreseeable future 一定得找个比帕萨迪纳I need to find a location that's more hospitable更加友好安全的地方比如than the mean streets of Pasadena like...俄克拉荷马州的伊尼德市Enid Oklahoma.低犯罪率Low crime rate加上高速网络and high-speed internet connectivity...但没有火车模型店But no model train shops.抱歉伊尼德市Sorry Enid.他要辞了大学的工作吗Is he quitting his job at the university?不他准备远程办公Oh no he's going to telecommute.大家都乐见于此Everybody's really excited about it.好了All right.北卡罗来纳州布恩市Boone North Carolina.自1952年以前的每年夏天"Every summer since 1952布恩市都会在露天的原型剧场重演Boone has hosted an outdoor amphitheater portrayal与之同名的丹尼尔·布恩时代的生活图景Of the life and times of its namesake Dan'l Boone."感觉这会吸引一帮不良分子过去Sounds like something that would attract the wrong crowd. 佩妮你来自内布拉斯加对吗Penny you're from Nebraska correct?土生土长Born and raised.我要过几天才能安顿好It will take me a few days to get settled.到时候我会发详细的文档给你After I do I will e-mail you detailed PDFs包括图解和操作指南containing diagrams and instructions指导你打包和装运that will guide you through packing and shipping我余下的行李到蒙大拿州的波兹曼市the rest of my possessions to Bozeman Montana.同时别忘了转发我的邮件In the meantime please forward my mail.具体需要发给谁Any place specific还是只需发给蒙大拿州波兹曼市的疯人院Or just the Bozeman Montana loony bin?我知道你在开玩笑I sense you're making a joke但波兹曼市确实有家喜剧俱乐部叫疯人院But Bozeman does have a comedy club called the loony bin 别转发到那去so do not forward my mail there.拜托Oh come on.你不幸成了盗窃案失主So you were the victim of a crime.这本就是生活的一部分That's part of life.我曾祖父第一次来美国时When my great-grandfather first came to this country把全部希望与梦想都寄托于he put all his hopes and dreams他开在纽约下东区的Into this little butcher shop he ran那家小小的肉铺里on the lower east side of New York.你猜怎么着You know what happened?凡是去光顾他肉铺Every customer who walked into that butcher shop去买猪肝的人and asked for a pound of liver他都宰客没商量got ripped off.但是But...那些人看开了走出来了你也该这样Those people moved on and so should you.我是走出来了啊I am moving on.我要搬去波兹曼市I'm going to be a Bozite.Bozite是德克萨斯州一个荒废的"鬼镇"他们会自称"波兹曼人"吗They call themselves "Bozites"?就该这么叫这是我到那之后They should. It's one of the first things计划的首要任务之一I plan to bring up upon arrival.谢尔顿我不敢相信我会这么说Sheldon I can't believe I'm saying this但我会想你的But I'm going to miss you.佩妮要知道我不喜欢Penny as you know I'm not comfortable漫长的道别和离情别绪with prolonged good-byes and maudlin displays of emotion所以我准备了一个短片so I prepared a short video.大家好Greetings.要知道我不喜欢漫长的道别As you know I'm not comfortable with prolonged good-byes 和离情别绪and maudlin displays of emotion所以我准备了这个短片so I prepared this short video.你们四位有三位是我的好友The four of you are three of my closest friends还有一位也是难得的点头之交and one treasured acquaintance.虽然我无法断言没有了你们Though I cannot state categorically that my life我的人生将从此失色不少will be diminished by not having you in it但你们要这么想的话我也没意见I am comfortable if you choose to believe that.既然你们打算继续留在Since you intend to remain这座罪案猖獗的大都市in this lawless metropolitan area根据统计数据在我们再见之前statistics suggest that you will succumb to tragic你们就会死于非命遭遇不测and gruesome ends before we meet again.生生不息繁荣昌盛[瓦肯人的经典手势]Live long and prosper.谢尔顿这实在是...Sheldon that's so...我走后你们该及时锁门You might want to lock the door behind me.这里可不是波兹曼This isn't Bozeman.我怎么知道谁是好友How the hell do I know who's the friend谁又是泛泛之交and who's the acquaintance?冷得人心旷神怡That is a bracing cold冷得人精神一振An invigorating cold.天哪好冷啊Lord is it cold!先生我帮你拿包吧Help you with your bags sir?谢谢波兹曼朋友Thank you fellow Bozite.你真是我们这美丽小镇的商会And may I say you are the living embodiment of all所许承诺的最好体现the promises made by our lovely town's chamber of commerce. 等等我Wait!等等Wait!快给我回来Excuse me!给我一张去加州帕萨迪纳市的票One ticket to Pasadena California please.看看谁回来了Hey look who's back!真有趣Interesting.居然是泛泛之交第一个欢迎我The acquaintance is the first to greet me.。

'cause you know I'll do it!搞定激光接上电源了Ok,we've got the power to the laser.我应该带把伞来的I should've brought an umbrella.作甚啊又不会下雨What for? It's not gonna rain.我知道I know that.但我如此白嫩的肌肤还是有可能被月光灼伤的But with skin as fair as mine,moon burn is real possibility. 这是个"逗你玩儿" 对吧That's a "Bazinga," Right?我的巅峰之作你觉得呢One of my best,don't you think?霍华德你要不要再检查一下Howard,do you want to double-check激光上的赤道仪装置the equatorial mount on the laser?我们得把它锁定到"宁静之海"上[月面某部名称]We need it locked onto the Sea of Tranquility.没问题You got it.天拉杰别这样Oh,Raj,no.人们花了无数美元发明了英特网Billions of dollars have gone into inventing the Internet 并在上面发了无数艳照and filling it with pictures of naked women,就是为了让我们不需要通过窗户来偷窥啊so we don't have to peep through windows.我才没有呢It's not like that.我只不过在看别人的电视而已I'm watching someone's TV.正在播《傲骨贤妻》呢The Good Wife is on.告诉你这就是我的新《实习医生格蕾》I tell you,this is my new Grey's Anatomy.莱纳德莱纳德Leonard,Leonard.那是啥那是啥What is that? What is that?别紧张不就是只脏袜子嘛Relax,it's just a dirty sock.你怎么可以如此淡定的把How on earth can you say"脏袜子"和"别紧张"放在同一句话里"Dirty sock" And "Relax" In the same sentence?谢尔顿这个世界上到处都有被遗弃的脏袜子Sheldon,the world is filled with dirty discarded socks.我的世界可没有Not my world.嘿你们知道谁会非常想看这个实验吗佩妮Hey,you know who'd really dig seeing this experiment? Penny. 我怎么不知道她喜欢月面搜索呢I wasn't aware that lunar ranging was her thing.尽管我可以确定尼尔·阿姆斯特朗留在月球上的Although,I suppose the retro-reflector left on the moon回复反射器的确符合了亮晶晶的标准by Neil Armstrong does qualify as a shiny object.那你怎么不叫她上来Why don't you ask her to come up?不知道自从那之后就有点怪怪的I don't know,it's still a little weird since,you know...-她甩了你吗-她没有甩了我- She dumped you? - She didn't dump me.我们只不过在这段关系中处在不同方位罢了We were just in different places in the relationship.我不明白为什么一段情缘I fail to see how a relationship还能有地理位置的特性can have the qualities of a geographic location.唔这很简单Oh,it's very simple.莱纳德住在一个叫做"请别离开"的小镇里Leonard was living in a little town called "Please don't leave me" 而佩妮则刚搬到了一个叫"拜拜"的小岛上while Penny had just moved to the island of "Buh-bye."去你丫的Screw you guys.我去看看她在不在家I'm gonna go see if she's home.如果方便的话If it's not too much trouble,我想把望远镜瞄准月球了I'd like to point this at the moon now.且慢Wait a second.好老婆正哭呢The good wife is crying.出大问题了Something's very wrong.嘿怎么了Oh,hi. What's going on?我们在屋顶上尝试从月球将激光射回来呢We're up on the roof bouncing laser beams off the moon. 抱歉什么I'm sorry,what?很酷的哦It's pretty cool.我们准备了直径两米的反射器和其他仪器We've got a two-meter parabolic reflector and everything. 我觉得你可能会想来看看I thought you might want to see it.这完全说不通啊That makes no sense.你怎么可能从月球上弹射东西How can you bounce stuff off the moon?那儿可没有重力There's no gravity.呃莱纳德Uh,Leonard,-这是扎克扎克这是莱纳德-嘿- This is Zack. Zack,Leonard. - Hey.抱歉我不知道你们正忙呢或许下次吧Oh,sorry,I didn't know you were busy. Maybe another time. 嗯或许吧Yeah,maybe.嗨我想看看这个激光Hey,I want to see this laser thing.但那个派对怎么办Oh,but what about the party?只不过是个惊喜派对而已什么时候到完全没所谓It's a surprise party-- doesn't matter when we get there.那倒是Right.那好吧上来吧Okay,well,yeah,come on up.你们是如何认识的呢So,how'd you guys meet?我的公司为芝士工厂设计菜单My company designs the menus for the Cheesecake Factory. 你的公司Your company?事实上是我爸的但我和我妹妹是副总Well,my dad. But me and my sister are VPs.呃菜单啊So... menus.听起来貌似简单但在设计当中I know it sounds easy,but there's a lot of science是包含了不少科学知识的that goes into designing them.开心了吧Happy now?我把脏袜子丢开了I'm moving the dirty sock.谢谢Thank you.拉杰时刻注意另外一只Raj,keep an eye out for the other one.各位这是我朋友扎克Hey,guys,this is my friend Zack.-你好扎克-哇哦- Hello. Zack. - Whoa!这就是那激光吗Is that the laser?太他妈帅了It's bitchin'.没错Yes.1917年当爱因斯坦在他的文章In 1917,when Albert Einstein established《关于辐射的量子理论中》阐述了the theoretic foundation for the laser in his paper激光的理论基础时他最诚挚的希望"Zur Quantentheorie der Strahlung," His fondest hope 就是最终的仪器要很他妈的帅was that the resultant device be bitchin'.唔那任务达成了Well,mission accomplished.让我来解释一下我们在做什么Let me explain what we're doing here.1969年阿波罗11号上的宇航员Um,in 1969,the astronauts on Apollo 11在月面安置了数个反射器positioned reflectors on the surface of the moon, 而我们则要发射激光and we're going to shoot a laser off到其中的一个上面并反射回来one of them and let the light bounce back到这个光电倍增器上into this photomultiplier.哇那很酷啊Oh! That's very cool.只有一个问题One question.你怎么确定它不会爆炸How can you be sure it won't blow up?激光吗The laser?月球The moon.看这才是配得上佩妮的男人See,now this is a man for Penny.问得好扎克That's a great question,Zack.才不是呢No,it's not.谢尔顿Sheldon!要友好Play nice.问得不好It's not a great question.怎么能有人觉得How could somebody possibly think我们会炸掉月球we're going to blow up the moon?这才叫问得好That's a great question.不用担心月球Don't worry about the moon.我们把激光调弱了We-We set our laser to stun.聪明Smart.发射时我们能看到光束Now,we'll be able to see the beam when it leaves, 但返回时的光束减弱but it won't be strong enough when it comes back裸眼看不到to be seen by the naked eye.裸Naked.是很搞笑Right. Uh... funny.那个装置能测量返回的光子Uh,that device,there,will measure the photons that return 我们能在电脑上看到and let us see it on this computer.拉杰给他们眼镜Raj,get them some glasses.酷还有三维效果Cool,it's gonna be in 3-D?准备向月球发射激光Preparing to fire laser at the moon.开始吧Make it so.有了看到峰值了There it is. There's the spike!返回时间2.5秒2.5 seconds for the light to return.是月球我们击中月球了That's the moon! We hit the moon!这就是你们的大实验That's your big experiment?搞这么多就为了屏幕上的一条线All that for a line on the screen?话虽如此Yeah,but,uh,想想这代表着什么think about what this represents.我们的实验是唯一The fact that we can do this is the only way能证明月球上有人造物体的实验of definitively proving that there are man-made objects 这个物体是60年前刚发明飞机的on the moon,put there by a member of a species种族中一员放上去的that only 60 years before had just invented the airplane. 那是什么种族啊What species is that?我错了I was wrong.佩妮能找更好的Penny can do better.-好了谢谢各位很有意思-谢谢- Okay,guys,thank you,it's been fun. - Yeah,thanks.-能请他们参加派对吗-不行只管走- Should we invite them to the party? - No,just keep walking. 他肯定交媾技能很强He must be very skilled at coitus.告诉你唯一能让你I'm telling you,dude,the only way接受佩妮结交新欢的办法to feel better about Penny going out with other guys就是再奸再厉is for you to get back on the whores.接Horse.什么What?那个词是"再接再厉"The phrase is "Get back on the horse,"不是"奸"not "Whores."老兄你真恶心That's disgusting,dude.不是No,it's not...算了Never mind.不过他说得对He is right,though.你愿意的话我可以给你介绍If you want,I can turn you on to this great new-我找到的新交友网-不了谢谢- dating site I found. - No,thanks.你确定上面说能给任何人牵红线You sure? They say they can find a match for anybody. 他们给你牵了吗Have they found a match for you?多着呢上个月就有八个呢Tons. I've had,like,eight dates in the last month.如果算上见我就闪的有12个呢And 12 if you count the ones who showed up and left. 我无法搬氮气罐下来I can't bring the nitrogen tank down.-为什么-我重申一遍- Why not? - All right,let me restate that. 它很重我不想搬It's very heavy,and I don't want to.我去搬吧I'll help you.谢谢Thank you.用膝盖别用背Lift with your knees,not your back.晚安Good night.知道什么才好玩吗You know what would be fun?帮谢尔顿申请网上交友Signing Sheldon up for online dating.算了吧Yeah,right.不想一想No,think about it.我们当实验做We make it an experiment.就像寂寞的科学怪人Like when Frankenstein's monster找了个老婆was lonely and he found a wife.他没有找老婆He didn't find a wife.而是用死尸器官造了个老婆They built him a wife out of dead body parts.那可以作为后备计划Okay,we'll call that plan B.来了Coming!你个该死的混蛋Damn you,you rat bastard.你醉啦Are you drunk?扎克是个绝好男友你把他毁了Zack was a perfectly nice guy,and then you ruined him! 我怎么把他毁了How did I ruin him?因为以前'Cause in the olden days,我绝不会觉得他傻I never would've known he was so stupid.拜托他没那么傻Come on,he wasn't that stupid.不他是傻Yes,he was!他觉得你们会炸掉月球He thought you were gonna blow up the moon! 对他确实很傻Okay,yeah,he's stupid.他一整晚都在吹嘘He spent the entire night bragging自己怎么造出"阑胃菜"这个词about how he invented the word "Appe-teasers." 这不是我的错吧How is that my fault?你毁了我容忍傻逼的能力You have destroyed my ability to tolerate idiots. 现在跟我走Now,come with me.去哪Wh-Where are we going?我们去做爱We're gonna have sex.为啥不过我没意见Why? I mean,okay.怎么回事What's going on?把你的降噪耳机戴上Put on your noise-canceling headphones,这边会很吵的'cause it's gonna get loud.怎么又来了Oh! Not this again.这怎么可能是少果肉呢In what universe is this low-pulp?早啊佩妮Good morning,Penny.你后脑勺长眼睛了吗What,do you have eyes in the back of your head?隔天就在学校挨揍的某人When one gets beaten up every other day in school, 必然会进化出更敏锐的听觉one of necessity develops a keen sense of hearing.而且在学校挨揍的某人Incidentally,one can get beaten up in school通常都把自己称为"某人"simply by referring to oneself as "One."我准备做英式松饼I'm making English muffins.你想吃吗Would you like an English muffin?-不了我不饿-另外- Oh,thanks,I'm not hungry. - FYI,昨晚证明我的降噪耳机无效my noise-canceling headphones proved ineffective last night.不好意思Yeah,sorry about that.作为本土德州人我得说"驾"这个词As a native Texan,I must say I've never heard the phrase "Yee-haw" 在交媾中很少用到used in quite that context.天呐Oh,God.天呐"Oh,God."这个我倒是听过很多次That I've heard on multiple occasions.这算哪门子"微"烤In what universe is that lightly toasted?今天真是我一生之中最扯淡的一天This has to be the worst day of my life.早啊莱纳德Good morning,Leonard.我告诉过你多少次了不要那么做How many times have I asked you not to do that? 算上这次吗317次Counting this instance? 317.佩妮呢Where's Penny?她回她家去了She returned to her apartment.我猜应该是去洗澡加呕吐了I presume to shower and vomit.顺序不一定是按这个Not necessarily in that order.她为啥都没道别一下呢I wonder why she didn't say good-bye.你是在叫我解释一下人类行为吗Are you expecting me to offer an explanation of human behavior? 难为你了我只是觉得I know. I just thought as an outsider,当局者迷旁观者清嘛you might be able to provide a fresh perspective.我相信你个小东西绝对不是黄油I have no difficulty believing you're not butter.-嘿-嗨- Oh,hey. - Oh,hi.我得赶紧走了早班Um,I gotta run. Early shift.好啊我和你一起下楼Okay,I'll walk down with you.昨晚挺有意思的对吧So,last night was fun,huh?那必须的Yeah,it must have been.我刚吐在我壁橱里了I just threw up in my closet.杯具啊Bummer.我在想啊咱俩今晚Anyway,I was thinking tonight maybe去看场电影如何we could catch a movie.今晚我不太方便Oh,yeah,tonight's not great for me.不一定是今天晚上Doesn't have to be tonight.我差不多啥时候都有空I'm free pretty much always.莱纳德昨晚那件事是个错误Leonard,last night was a mistake.你说"错误" 是塞翁失马那种吗When you say "Mistake," Do you mean a fortunate mistake, 就比如发现青霉素like the discovery of penicillin?我很抱歉Look,I'm sorry.我喝高了很寂寞我讨厌扎克I was drunk,I was lonely,I hated Zack.咱俩就当没发生过好吗Can we just forget it ever happened?不行整件事几乎已经刻在我脑子里了No,it's pretty well imprinted on my brain.特别是骑术表演那部分Especially the whole rodeo thing.老天Oh,God!就这样啊So,that's it?提上裤子就不认人啦Wham,bam,thank you,Leonard?我都道歉了你就别纠结这事儿了行吗Look,I said I'm sorry. Can't you please let it go? 你说的倒轻松啊How am I supposed to let it go?你居然把我当泄欲对象You used me for sex!早安冈德森太太Morning,Mrs. Gunderson.早啊莱纳德Good morning,Leonard.或者我该说"咦哈"Or should I say "Yee-haw"?-我靠-怎么了- Holy crap. - What?我们终于证实了人类之中藏有外星人We finally have proof that aliens walk among us. 你说啥Excuse me?这个约会网站找到了个适合谢尔顿的女人The dating site matched a woman with Sheldon. 不可能吧You're kidding.一个实实在在的女人An actual woman?你看胸部该有的都有Yeah,look. Breasts and everything.相信我有胸的不一定就是女人Trust me,breasts doesn't necessarily mean woman. -啥时候有这么一说-我回头给你看张- Since when? - I'll show you a picture我路易叔叔穿泳装的照片of my Uncle Louie in a bathing suit sometime.莱纳德快来看啊Leonard,you gotta see this.我们居然找到适合谢尔顿的姑娘了We found a match for Sheldon.很好Great.说不定她会跟他上床然后第二天一早Maybe she can have sex with him,and then walk out on him 连个招呼都不打就闪人the next morning without so much as a "How do you do?" 你知道他说啥呢吗Do you know what he's talking about?不知道你问问呗Nope. Why don't you ask him?莱纳德你说啥呢Leonard,what are you talking about?我不想谈这个I don't want to talk about it.瞧你出的这馊主意That was a lousy suggestion.随便啦现在Whatever. Right now,谢尔顿·库珀博士要给他的真命天女Dr. Sheldon Cooper has to send an e-mail发封邮件to his perfect match."您好同类生物""Greetings,fellow life-form..."她能做到那我也能她能做到那我也能If she can do it,I can do it. If she can do it,I can do it. 她能做到那我也能If she can do it,I can do it.我无能了I can't do it.-谁啊-你好- Hello? - Oh,hi. Hey.你好啊莱斯利Hi,Leslie.莱纳德·霍夫斯塔德有何贵干Leonard Hofstadter. What're you doing here?是啊咱俩好久没见了Uh,I know! It's been a while!对啊18个月Yeah,18 months.是啊是啊Right. Right.你怎么样啊So how you doing?挺好的你呢Fine. You?不错Uh,not bad.你还记得之前咱俩上床You remember when we used to have sex你说这事儿没什么实际意义只是为了娱乐and you said that it didn't mean anything,it was just for fun? 是啊Yeah.你想再来一次吗You,uh,want to do that again?怎么了金发美女把你甩了What happened? Blondie dumped you?不是她甩我She didn't dump me.我俩处在一段关系里的不同位置We were just in different places in the relationship.是嘛Right.随便了显然呢Um... anyway,apparently,找个好久不见的人然后俩人it's okay to go back to people you're no longer seeing 娱乐性地打一炮也没啥不好的吧and have recreational sex with them.你觉得如何So,what do you say?我考虑下哈Let me think about it.她不会再开门了She's not coming back.她想见我们She wants to meet us.不是我们是他Not us. Him.是啊可是他根本不认识她Yes,but him doesn't even know about her.哎呀他会认识她的Well,him about to find out about her.真的吗我们要告诉他吗Really? Us gonna tell him?谁要告诉谁什么Who's going to tell whom about what?谢尔顿Sheldon.嗨Hey. Hi.你们这么惊讶让我很困惑Your surprise confuses me.我住在这儿I live here.是啊Right.那个啥明天下午你什么安排So,listen,what are you doing tomorrow afternoon? 说的具体点Be more specific.四点半4:30.那不是下午That's not afternoon.那是傍晚That's preevning.什么What?是我发明的描述时间方式It's a time of day I invented.更好地定义了个模棱两可的时段It better defines the ambiguous period下午和晚上之间就是傍晚between afternoon and evening: preevning.我确信因为急需精确描述这词定会广为流传I'm fairly certain it will catch on as it fills a desperate need. 好吧Right,okay.那你明天傍晚准备做什么What are you doing tomorrow preevning?明天是周六Well,tomorrow's Saturday.周六晚是洗衣夜Saturday night is laundry night.所以傍晚我会用来预分选衣物So I'll be spending the preevning pre-sorting并预浸湿and pre-soaking.如果我告诉你明天4点半Okay,what if I were to tell you,tomorrow,at 4:30,你将遇到you could meet a woman科学挑选出来的你的完美伴侣呢who has been scientifically chosen to be your perfect mate?我会嘲讽地哼一声无奈地摊开双手I would snort in derision and throw my arms in the air,疲于应付你们这种经常的无聊之举exhausted by your constant tomfoolery.但这是真的But it's true.我们把你所有重要信息上传到了交友网站But we-we put all your vital information into this dating site,学着你的方式回答了他们所有问题answered all their questions just like you would,他们找到了个跟你匹配的她叫艾米·菲拉·福勒and they found a match for you. Her name is Amy Farrah Fowler. 拜托Please.即使你们学得像我的回答Even assuming you could answer any question the way I would,这种红娘网站的算法本身就是胡扯的the algorithms used by matchmaking sites are complete hokum.他们问到这个问题的时候我们就是这么回答的And that's exactly the answer we gave to the question:你对在线交友持何态度"What is your attitude towards online dating?"霍华德想回答"毫无意义" 但我认为不是Howard wanted to write "Mumbo jumbo," But I said no.咱谢尔顿会回答"胡扯"Our Sheldon would say "Hokum."拜托你的科学好奇心呢Come on,where's your scientific curiosity?大部分都用来探索宇宙的秘密了Well,most of it is being applied to unraveling the secrets of the universe 剩下的则用来思考我为何要跟你们聊这个了while the rest of it's wondering why I'm having this conversation with you. 好吧这么说吧Okay,how about this.即使史波克每七年也会约会一次的Even Spock had a date once every seven years.他那不是约会He didn't date.那是发情期到了It was Pon Farr.他因压抑的性欲而热血沸腾His blood boiled with mating lust.那你何不先喝上杯咖啡Well,why-why don't you start with a cup of coffee,晚点就可以跟艾米·菲拉·福勒发发情了and you can Pon Farr Amy Farrah Fowler later.我不喝咖啡的I don't drink coffee.好吧那就喝杯热巧克力All right,you can have a hot chocolate.反正我不会去做这种无聊事选什么饮料无关紧要As I will not be engaging in this nonsense,my choice of beverage is moot. 但我正式说明下But for the record,我只在月份中带有R字母那月才喝热巧克力I only drink hot chocolate in months with an "R" In them.每年九月至次年四月月份英文中都带有R字母为什么Why?不为无益之事何以遣有涯之生What's life without whimsy?好吧我没辙了Okay,I'm out.谢尔顿我把屋顶拿来的一只脏袜子Sheldon,I've hidden the dirty sock from the roof藏在你们公寓里了somewhere in your apartment.除非你愿意跟我们去见那女孩Unless you are willing to come with us to meet this girl, 不然它会永远藏在那it will remain there forever.你只是在吓唬我You're bluffing.你真愿意冒这个险吗Are you willing to risk it?诅咒你Curse you.30英尺30 feet.你好莱纳德Oh. Hey,Leonard.我本是个完美的小个子剩男快乐又书呆I was a perfectly happy,geeky,little lonely guy,是你毁了我and you ruined me!你喝醉了吗Are you drunk?拜托我们上床吧反正也是没有意义的Come on. We're gonna have sex,and it's not gonna mean a thing! 你疯了吗Are you out of your mind?!我真的开始认为这是双重标准了I'm really starting to think there's a double standard here.几分钟后In a few minutes,等我幸灾乐祸地冷眼旁观着本次相亲的失败when I gloat over the failure of this enterprise,你们更愿意我怎么做how would you prefer I do it?是标准答案我早说过会这样The standard "I told you so"?还是经典的"哦也哦也"[表嘲讽]The classic "Neener-neener"?还是用我平常那副高傲嘲弄的表情Or just my normal look of haughty derision?现在还不能断定我们错了You don't know we're wrong yet.还是高傲嘲弄表情吧Haughty derision it is.打扰下Excuse me.我是艾米·菲拉·福勒你是谢尔顿·库珀I'm Amy Farrah Fowler. You're Sheldon Cooper.你好艾米·菲拉·福勒Hello,Amy Farrah Fowler.我很遗憾地告诉你你上当了I'm sorry to inform you that you have been taken in被设计用来欺骗by unsupportable mathematics很傻很天真剩男剩女的无知算法骗了designed to prey on the gullible and the lonely.此外我是被一只藏起来的脏袜子勒索了才来的Additionally,I'm being blackmailed with a hidden dirty sock. 那是俚语的话我从没听说过If that was slang,I'm unfamiliar with it.要是字面意义的话我跟你一样讨厌脏袜子If it was literal,I share your aversion to soiled hosiery.无论如何我来这是因为答应了我妈In any case,I'm here because my mother and I have agreed 每年至少约会一次that I will date at least once a year.有意思Interesting.我跟我妈在关于上教堂这点上有过同样对话My mother and I have the same agreement about church. 我并不反对神的概念I don't object to the concept of a deity,但实在不理解上教堂还得点名but I'm baffled by the notion of one that takes attendance. 那你应该不会想去德州东部Well,then you might want to avoid East Texas.记住了Noted.相亲继续进行之前Now,before this goes any further,我先声明所有身体接触you should know that all forms of physical contact包括但并不限于交媾均不予讨论up to and including coitus are off the table. 能请你喝杯饮料吗May I buy you a beverage?温水谢谢Tepid water,please.天哪瞧瞧我们干了什么Good God,what have we done。

喘不过气了吗Having a little trouble catching your breath there?不不我没事儿No,no,I'm good.要是体育老师早告诉我刻苦训练是为了这个If my P.E. teachers had told me this is what I was training for, 我就会试着再努力点I would have tried a lot harder.要么去做要么放手没有尝试一说"Do or do not. There is no try."你刚引用了星战的台词吗Did you just quote star wars?[星战第五部]我引用的应该是《帝国反击战》的台词I believe I quoted Empire Strikes Back.老天爷Oh,my God.[尤达：星战人物]我居然和一个能引用尤达大师的话的美女躺在一起I'm lying in bed with a beautiful woman who can quote Yoda. 我爱你佩妮I love you,Penny.谢谢Thank you.不客气You're welcome.我只是不吐不快而已I just wanted to put that out there.不我很高兴Oh,yeah,no,I-I'm-I'm glad.那就好Good.-高兴就好-嗯- Glad is good. - Yeah.没手表No,no...呃...已经很晚了So,it's getting pretty late.-我们差不多该睡觉吧-对- We should probably go to sleep. - Yeah. -对-该睡了- Okay. - Yeah,probably.-晚安亲爱的-晚安- Okay,good night,sweetie. - Good night.莱纳德你对巨型蚂蚁这个问题持什么立场Hey,Leonard,where do you come down on giant ants?谢尔顿说不可能有Sheldon says impossible.霍华德和我都觉得不仅可能Howard and I say not only possible,[蝙蝠战车：蝙蝠侠的座驾]而且作为一种交通工具比蝙蝠战车酷多了but as a mode of transportation,way cooler than a Batmobile. 你忽视了平方/立方定律You are ignoring the square-cube law.巨型蚂蚁会被The giant ant would be crushed自身的骨骼重量压垮under the weight of its own exoskeleton.而且准确来说And for the record,真正酷的交通工具排名应该是the appropriate ranking of cool modes of transportation is: [悬滑板引自《回到未来2》传送器引自《星际迷航》]喷射背包悬滑板传送器蝙蝠战车jet pack,hoverboard,transporter,Batmobile,然后才是巨型蚂蚁and then giant ant.有没有搞错Seriously?你们就没别的事干You have nothing better to do只能坐在这里聊巨型蚂蚁存在的可能性吗than sit around and discuss the possibility of giant ants? 他怎么了What's with him?估计他到了每月一次的敏感期了Perhaps he's at a sensitive point in his monthly cycle.你是说他来大姨夫了[与Menstruating同音]Are you saying he's man-strating?不是字面意义上的Not literally.但早在十七世纪But as far back as the 17th century,科学家就发现男性荷尔蒙水平scientists observed a 33-day fluctuation有个33天的波动周期in men's hormone levels.有意思Interesting.难怪我每月中旬都会两眼泪汪汪That might explain my weepy days in the middle of the month. 你知道我在说什么You know what I'm talking about.[潜台词: 别说得这么暧昧...]算了不说巨型蚂蚁Okay,forget giant ants.巨型兔子呢How about giant rabbits?不管大小我都不喜欢兔子Big or small,I don't like rabbits.兔子总是看似很想说话They always look like they're about to say something,但从来不开口but they never do.兔子倒是有呼吸系统Rabbits do have a respiratory system支撑巨大的体型that would support great size.并且兔子是少数哺乳动物中And on a side note,they are one of the few mammals阴囊长在阴茎前的whose scrotum is in front of the penis.也许这才是他们想谈论的Maybe that's what they want to talk about.莱纳德你对巨型兔子和阴囊位置Leonard,where do you stand on giant rabbits持啥态度and scrotal position?我一点都不在乎I honestly don't care.是吗Really?每次我们谈到不寻常的动物生殖器Because every time we've talked about unusual animal genitals, 你总会有些有力且富争议性的观点you've always had some pretty strong and controversial opinions. 你想让我说什么What do you want from me?我就是不鸟这个I just don't give a rat's ass.有没有巨型老鼠屁屁Would that be a giant rat's ass?准确来说巨型老鼠是有可能存在的For the record,giant rats are possible.我们能不能说点别的Can we please talk about something else? 比如稍微跟我们生活有关Maybe something vaguely related而且是地球上的东西to life as we know it on this planet?这个话题怎么样Okay,how about this for a topic:为什么莱纳德是个大混蛋Why is Leonard being a giant douche?假设大混蛋有可能存在Assuming giant douches are possible.当然有Of course they are.莱纳德就是一个Leonard's being one.说不定他和佩妮发生了"爱爱"口角Maybe he's having a lover's spat with Penny. 才怪我们没吵架No,there was no spat.但确实发生了点状况Oh,but something happened.我不想谈这个I don't want to talk about it.我觉得你想说我不想听But I sense you're going to and I don't want to hear about it. 失陪Excuse me.你干啥了罗密欧What'd you do,Romeo?往身上倒枫蜜You pour maple syrup all over your body问她有没有性致玩3Pand ask her if she was in the mood for a short stack?你是不是穿她的内裤跳来跳去取悦她Did you think it would be funny to put on a pair of her panties 结果把她吓着了and jump around,but it wound up just creeping her out?什么没有What? No.我只是问问老兄I'm just asking,dude.没准儿呢[Raj深受其害]It happens.你们参加今晚的保龄球赛吗You guys still on for bowling tonight?当然参加Oh,yes.我还准备了几句垃圾话呢In fact,I've prepared some trash talk for the occasion. 你打得跟你妈一个水准You bowl like your mama.不过如果她打得很好Unless,of course,she bowls well.那就是你打得跟你妈大相径庭In which case,you bowl nothing like her.哦唉哟Oh. Ouch.这就是灼烈言辞的效果That is what is referred to as a burn on you.你要求她滴蜡吗Did you ask her to start waxing?没有No.你滴蜡了Did you start waxing?没有No.是不是做爱时While making love,你不小心拍了自己屁股did you accidentally spank your own ass 然后大声哭喊"妈咪"and cry out,"Mommy"?我懒得理你们I'm walking away from you now.他没否定哎That wasn't a no.看来我们猜得越来越靠谱儿了Yeah,I think we're getting close.你是在跟她上床的时候Did you take a Benadryl此药会造成昏昏欲睡吃了片苯海拉明然后睡着了么and fall asleep while pleasuring her?你可能会因此丢了小命儿哎Because you can die that way.牡丹花下死做鬼也风流啊Oh,that would be a good way to go.-嗨-嗨- Hi. - Oh,hey.太好了佩妮Good,Penny.友情提示今晚7点保龄之夜Reminder: bowling tonight at 7:00.噢对保龄Oh,right,bowling.你要是不想来也不用勉强You don't have to come if you don't want to.不会啊没那回事儿No,no,it's okay.说实话没我的话你们指定输得巨惨I mean,let's face it,you guys would get creamed without me. 确实We would indeed.就此特殊情况来看In this particular case,你纯爷们儿的气质对我们十分有利your lack of femininity works to our advantage.跟你聊天总是这么开心谢尔顿It's always nice chatting with you,Sheldon.是讽刺吗Sarcasm?是毫不掩饰的轻视你Thinly veiled contempt.-别忘了7点-知道啦- Remember: 7:00. - Got it.-是太平洋夏令时-咋着吧- Pacific Daylight time! - Bite me!请把这纯爷们儿的气场发挥在赛场上吧Please reserve that butch spirit for the lanes.你不是要带自己的保龄球鞋来吗I thought you were bringing your own bowling shoes. 这双就是我自己的啊These are my own bowling shoes.那你还消什么毒啊Then what's with the disinfectant?我脚踩过啥地方我知道I know where my feet have been.嗨佩妮Hey,Penny!还有各位路人And you guys.阿尔比诺·鲍勃不能来了Albino Bob couldn't make it,所以我带了个替补来so I brought a substitute.相信你们中有人认识他I believe some of you know威尔·惠顿Wil Wheaton.威尔·惠顿《星际迷航》中的演员嗨谢尔顿近来如何啊Hi,Sheldon. How's it going?哎哟哟Well,well,well.这不是威尔·惠顿嘛If it isn't Wil Wheaton,我家蜘蛛侠的敌人绿魔the Green Goblin to my Spider-Man. 我家伽利略的对头教皇保罗五世the Pope Paul V to my Galileo,我家火狐的对手IE浏览器the Internet Explorer to my Firefox.我上次纸牌锦标赛赢了你You're not still carrying a grudge你不会还怀恨在心呢吧because I beat you at that card tournament,are you? 我可是"臭威尔惠顿"I'm the proud owner企业网站互联网站和机构网站的所有人of ,.net,and .org.知道这说明什么吗What does that tell you?这说明你无时无刻都在想着我It tells me that I am living rent-free right here.准备好比赛了么You ready to bowl?当然准备好了Oh,I'm ready.我不知道斯图尔特有没有告诉你I don't know if Stuart told you今晚你的对手是谁what you're up against tonight,不过站在你面前的人就是but before you stands the co-captain of the东德克萨斯州青年基督徒圣保龄同盟会East Texas Christian Youth Holy Roller Bowling League 冠军队的联盟队长championship team.7到12岁参赛组Seven- to 12-year-old division.佩妮打得也不错Also,Penny's pretty good.很好那燃起战火吧Great. Then it's on.愚蠢的威尔·惠顿战火就没灭过Oh,foolish Wil Wheaton,it was never off.好的Yes!常见的补中A common spare.保龄赛会上的"特工佳丽"The Miss Congeniality of the bowling pageant.在你登陆TwitterBefore you jump on Twitter然后吹嘘自己那可以无视的成就之前to tout your modest accomplishment, 看看什么叫真正的高手watch how it's really done.吾乃此球I am the ball.吾念乃其念My thoughts are its thoughts.其洞乃吾洞Its holes are my holes.好的Yes.推特这个吧推特鸟Tweet that,Tweety Bird.我只想跟你说Hey,I just wanted to tell you我是你的粉丝I'm a big fan.谢了Oh,thanks.你肯定被《星际迷航》的问题问得想吐了I'm sure you're probably sick of Star Trek questions, 不过乌比·戈德堡你有没那个啊but Whoopi Goldberg-- you ever hit that?啤酒啊Ah,beer.能让这个可怜害羞的印度男孩The magic elixir that can turn this poor,shy Indian boy 成为耀眼人物的神奇药剂into the life of the party.好耶Oh,yeah.吃辣味奶酪薯条吗Chili cheese fry?好啊我爱辣味奶酪薯条Yes. I love chili cheese fries.真的你爱吃啊Really? You love them?是啊怎么了Yeah,why?没事啊只是很高兴听到No reason. I'm just glad to hear你对表达爱意毫无障碍you're comfortable saying you love something.你真的想现在谈这事儿吗Do you really want to get into this right now?谈啥事儿Get into what?你怎么会不爱吃辣味奶酪薯条呢Why wouldn't you love the chili cheese fries?这么多年你一直都在吃They've been in your life a long time.它们让你心情大好They make you happy.它们应该知道你对它们的爱They deserve to know.昨晚我只是被你吓到了Look,you just caught me by surprise last night.我不知道说什么好I didn't know what to say.好到现在给你的思考时间够久了吧Okay,well,now you've had some time to think about it. 那你想说什么So,what do you want to say?我不确定I'm not sure.你怎么会不确定How can you not be sure?在这谈论这事儿不太合适Okay,this isn't the place to have this conversation.对啊合适的地方是在床上No,the place to have the conversation was in bed在我说了"我爱你"after I said,"I love you"你说"谢谢晚安"之后and you said,"Thank you. Good night."别逼我莱纳德Don't push it,Leonard.-我没逼你-你逼我了- I am not pushing anything. - You are.你没权利决定我什么时候准备好说"我爱你"You don't get to decide when I'm ready to say "I love you!" 原来是过早的告白问题Ah,the premature "I love you."我猜的是过"早"的问题算对吗I guessed "premature." Does that count?佩妮Penny.佩妮Penny.佩妮Penny.干嘛What?给你的This is for you.冰淇淋Ice cream?我通过研读连环画《凯西》[一部讲述女人生活的漫画]I've been familiarizing myself with female emotional crises. 努力想要熟悉雌性生物的感情危机by studying the comic strip Cathy.她一沮丧就会说"日" 然后吃冰淇淋When she's upset,she says,"Ack!" and eats ice cream.日啊Ack!你要是只猫我就给你带千层面了If you were a cat,I would have brought you a lasagna.是莱纳德让你来的吗Did Leonard send you over here?不自从你昨晚突然离开No,we haven't spoken我们还没说过话since your abrupt departure last night害得我们昨天输给斯图尔特caused us to forfeit to Stuart和他那卑鄙邪恶的不法参赛者威尔·惠顿and his dastardly ringer Wil Wheaton.为此我很抱歉Yeah,I'm sorry about that.我毫不自豪地承认昨天我是哭着睡着的I'm not too proud to admit that I cried myself to sleep. 再次说声抱歉Again,I'm sorry.让我来告诉你吧And let me tell you,sleep did not有莱纳德在隔壁嘶吼摇滚歌手莫莉莎的歌come easily with Leonard in the next room你就很难睡着了singing along with Alanis Morrisette.你开玩笑吧You're kidding.不很显然某位来大姨夫的也急需冰淇淋来解闷No. Clearly another woman in dire need of ice cream. 好吧谢尔顿All right,Sheldon,what part of this有没有什么安慰点的消息is supposed to make me feel better?关于这一点The part where I tell you我自行决定了来一场复赛I've engineered a rematch今晚重新对战斯图尔特他们with Stuart's team for tonight.亲爱的我不知道Oh,honey,I don't know.现在和莱纳德在一起感觉怪怪的Things are a little weird with Leonard right now.你想让我把他踢出去吗You want me to remove him from the team?我是队长我说了算I'm the captain. I can do that.不没关系No,no,that's okay.我去和他谈谈回来再找你吧Just let me talk to him,and I'll get back to you.你准备什么时候找他谈When are you going to talk to him?不知道I don't know.他在洗衣房现在去正好He's in the laundry room now. Now would be a good time. 我不去你就一直烦我烦到死对吧You're n gonna leave me alone until I do it,are you?哎呀这还用问吗Oh,I think we both know the answer to that question.我觉得我们应该谈谈I think we should talk now.什么不没事Wha...? No,it's okay.我们不用谈也没什么可谈We don't have to talk 'cause there's nothing to talk about. 一切都好Everything's good.真的吗那你生气不是因为So,you didn't get all snarky我对一碗辣味薯条说了句好话'cause I said something nice to a bowl of chili fries?好吧也许我反应过激了All right,maybe I overreacted.我们俩感情上不太同步那又如何So we're in two different places emotionally. So what?或许我比你快了一点没关系And maybe I'm a little ahead of you. That's fine.其实很合理面对现实In fact,it makes sense,'cause let's face it,我爱你比你爱我多了整整两年I've been in this relationship two years longer than you.莱纳德你要知道我很在乎你Look,Leonard,you have to know how much I care about you. 可我以前就是太早说"爱你"It's just that I've said the "L" word结果都不欢而散too soon before,and it didn't work out very well.是吗不知道那是什么情形I wouldn't know what that's like.对不起I'm sorry.但你明白我的意思You know what I'm talking about,though.我明白Yeah,I do.我们和好了吗So,we're good?对我就是这个意思Yes,that's what I'm telling you.我们很好好得不得了We are good. We are great.太好了栅栏已补误会已清All right! Fence mended,problem swept under the rug. 去打保龄球吧Time to bowl!对我刚刚在偷听Yes,I was eavesdropping.因为赌注太大了There's a lot at stake here.注意选手们Attention,all bowlers:我强制要求穿这个参加我们的复赛I've taken the liberty of having these made for our rematch. "卫斯理·柯洛夏斯""The Wesley Crushers"?不是指卫斯理·柯洛夏斯No,not The Wesley Crushers.而是卫斯理碾碎者The Wesley Crushers.我不明白I don't get it.卫斯理·柯洛夏是Wesley Crusher was威尔·惠顿在《星际迷航》里扮演的角色Wil Wheaton's character on Star Trek.还是不明白Still don't get it.这是个极其巧妙的双关语It's a blindingly clever play on words.在他所饰演的角色名后面加个复数By appropriating his character's name and adding the S, 暗示着我们将是彻底终结卫斯理的人we imply that we we'll be the crushers of Wesley.好吧抱歉亲爱的Okay,I'm sorry,honey,但你这样写看起来就好像有好多粉丝but The Wesley Crushers sounds like a bunch of people 喜欢卫斯理·柯洛夏who like Wesley Crusher.不再次强调不是卫斯理·柯洛夏粉丝群No! Again,it's not the Wesley Crushers.而是卫斯理·柯洛夏终结者It's the Wesley Crushers.如果你想表示你将彻底打败卫斯理No,if you want it to mean you're crushing Wesley,就该直接写打倒卫斯理·柯洛夏it'd be the Wesley Crushers.听听你们说的什么胡话Do you people even hear yourselves?这不是什么卫斯理·柯洛夏斯It's not The Wesley Crushers.也不是卫斯理粉丝群It's not The Wesley Crushers.而是卫斯理终结者It's The Wesley Crushers.看哪Hey,look.他们那队是以我名字命名的They named their team after me.不这才不是...No,it's not the...算了Never mind.好了都清楚打赌内容和赌注了So,we're all clear on the bet and the stakes?当然输的一方将接受公开羞辱Oh,yes. The losers will be publicly humiliated具体方式由胜者选定in a fashion to be chosen by the victor.告诉你我准备让你们发表篇科学论文FYI: I plan on having you publish a scientific paper 指Immanuel Velikovsky关于金星大气的假设详细说明维利科夫斯基那荒谬的假设expounding the discredited Velikovsky hypothesis.再次唉哟Ouch again.你好谢尔顿Hey,Sheldon,我只想告诉你I just wanted you to know我热切期盼着打得你一败涂地that I'm really looking forward to wiping the floor with you.真的吗Oh,yes?回应你之前我先问你个问题Well,before I respond,let me a you a question.你妈妈保龄球打得好不好Is your mother a good or poor bowler?你先After you.不你先No,after you...因为我们准备终结你卫斯理as we are currently crushing you,Wesley.右边球道的选手先投这是种习惯It's customary for the player on the right-hand lane to bowl first.好吧All right.只是种习惯并非规则It's a custom,not a rule.我真鄙视你I so loathe you.就是这样谢尔顿That's right,Sheldon.要学会接受社会阴暗面Embrace the dark side.你根本没权利跟我这么说That's not even from your franchise! 我想让你知道I,um,I want you to know that即使我们是对立一方even though we're on opposite sides, 我始终对你并无恶意I,I bear you no ill will.谢谢斯图尔特很高兴知道这点Thank you,Stuart. It's nice to know. 对立双方的人People from opposite sides往往都关系非常好often have good relationships.比如罗密欧与朱丽叶You know,Romeo and Juliet...《西区故事》里的托尼和玛利亚Tony and Maria from West Side Story,《阿凡达》里那个谁和那大蓝妞what's-his-name and the big blue chick in Avatar. 我要去掷球了I'm gonna bowl now.人球合一霍华德Be the ball,Howard.别烦我谢尔顿Leave me alone,Sheldon.你没做到人球合一You weren't the ball.谢谢Hey,thanks.很好玩是吧This is fun,huh?对呀Yeah.很高兴我们能出来来点体育锻炼It's good that we got out and did something physical. 能分散下注意力Gets us out of our heads.人一旦纠结什么事You get in your head,很容易就会想多钻牛角尖心神不宁还烦恼you start to overthink,overanalyze,obsess,you worry. 但今晚咱不这样That's not what we're doing tonight.今晚咱就专心玩保龄球Tonight we're just throwing a ball at some pins.对就是这样Yeah,that's right.也许有一天未来的某一天and someday-- we don't know when--你也会爱回我maybe you'll love me back.唔该我了Ooh,I'm up.谢尔顿谢尔顿谢尔顿加油Shel-don! Shel-don! Shel-don! Shel-don!不好意思Excuse me.真不知道你们是在为谁加油我现在可是球哦I don't know who you're chanting for as I am currently the ball. 球球加油The ball! The ball!球球加油The ball! The ball! The ball! The ball!感谢上帝Thank you,Jesus!我妈肯定会这么说As my mother would say.很高兴你跟你男友言归于好了I'm glad you patched things up with your boyfriend.是呀我也是Oh,yeah,me,too.在你毫无准备的时候面对突如其来的示爱It's always tough when the "L" bomb gets dropped一向都很难处理的and you're not ready for it.说来听听Tell me about it.我就跟这么个女孩约会过I dated this one girl,我跟她示爱的时候and I told her that I loved her,她说她还不确定[自己感情的归属]and she said she wasn't sure.然后跟我藕断丝连将近两年时间And she strung me along for almost two years. 那实在太残忍了It was brutal.太遗憾了Oh,I'm sorry.谢谢安慰Thanks.宁愿她当场就跟我痛快分手I wish she had just broken up with me right there, 长痛不如短痛and put me out of my misery.真的Really?对那样反而好Yeah,would have been kinder.威尔到你了Wil,you're up.该我了Oh,that's me.你刚让威尔·惠顿给你洗脑了Did you let Wil Wheaton get in your head?你在说什么呀What are you talking about?他是个魔鬼最擅长邪恶的心理战He's evil. He plays evil mind games.他是不是跟你说他祖母去世了Did he tell you his grandmother died?参见S03E05 谢尔顿的悲惨受骗遭遇没有No!他要是这么说千万别信Well,if he does,don't believe it.他说不定就会骗你他祖母去世博同情He's not above playing the dead meemaw card. 太棒了Yes!好好享受这一时的欢呼吧威尔·惠顿Enjoy the accolades now,Wil Wheaton,但正如你在《星际迷航:下一代》那角色一样命运but like your time on Star Trek: Next Generation, 你这种自鸣得意注定只能是一时的your smug self-satisfaction will be short-lived. 佩妮该你了Penny,you're up.好了记住他奶奶还活着All right,remember,his meemaw's alive还有人球合一and be the ball.好明白Yeah,I got it.我们必须要打出个全中啊We really need a strike here.我知道I know.所以慢慢来集中注意力So just take your time and concentrate.莱纳德别再给我施压了Leonard,stop pressuring me.我没在给你施压I'm not pressuring you.你就是在给我让开Yeah,you are! Just back off!好吧抱歉Okay,I'm sorry.我这就闭嘴I'll shut up.我没想让你闭嘴I didn't mean "shut up."好告诉我该怎么说我照做就是了Fine. Just tell me what to do,and I'll do it. 不No...莱纳德这对你不公平我很抱歉This isn't fair to you,Leonard. I'm sorry. 等等你这是去哪Wait! Where are you going?佩妮快回来Penny,come back!我再给你买冰激凌I'll get you ice cream!别让她走吧No,let her go.你疯了吗Are you insane?她要是走了就完啦If she leaves,it's over!我很确定我们已经完了[情侣关系]I'm pretty sure it's already over.谢尔顿运气不佳嘛Tough luck,Sheldon.是你干的是不是You did this,didn't you?你真以为就为了赢一场保龄球比赛Do you think I would really break up a couple 我会拆散一对情侣just to win a bowling match?不我想不会吧No,I suppose not.很好你就继续这么想吧Good. Keep thinking that.对的我跟你说Mm-hmm,mm-hmm,yeah,I'm telling you, 上的妞比eHarmony上的更好泡the chicks are much looser than on eHarmony. 和eHarmony 均为婚恋交友网站好了我回头再打给你You know,I-I gotta call you back.我打赢了个赌该验收成果了I won a bet,and it's time to collect.[分别为蝙蝠女侠女超人神奇女侠猫女]不知道你们感觉如何我觉得自己无比强大I don't know about you,but I feel empowered.。

风筝嗬Kites,ho!风筝嗬Kites,ho!不好意思Excuse me.你们误用了"嗬"这个词You're misusing the word "ho."这是用于引起目标注意的感叹词It's an interjection used to call attention而不是物体例如"停下嗬"to a destination,not an object,as in,uh,"Land,ho!"或者"向西嗬"Or,uh,"Westward,ho!"风筝嗬Kites,ho!各位好在忙什么Hey,guys. Whatcha doin'?出去发现电的存在吗Going out to discover electricity?如果你说的是本杰明·富兰克林的成果If you're referring to the work of Benjamin Franklin, 他没有"发现电的存在"he did not "discover electricity,"他只是利用风筝证明he merely used a kite to determine闪电"带"电that lightning "consists" of electricity.他还发明了富兰克林壁炉式取暖炉He also invented the Franklin stove,双光眼镜和灵活导尿管bifocals and the flexible urinary catheter.风筝嗬Kites,ho.我们准备去斗风筝We're heading out for some kite fighting.-斗风筝-对- "Kite fighting"? - Oh,yeah.一项极具竞争性和激烈性的运动It's an extremely competitive,cutthroat sport.其实割到喉咙的风险很低Well,actually,the risk of throat cutting is very low. 另外严重被线擦伤才是真实On the other hand,severe string burn is a real且经常发生的危险and ever-present danger.你想来观战吗You want to come watch?天啊Oh,gee...听着很不错Sounds amazing.不过我有些朋友会过来But,um,I've got some friends coming over.没什么大事Not a big thing-- we're just只是聚在一起看内布拉斯加比赛gonna watch the Nebraska game.橄榄球行Oh. Football,sure.猜得好Good guess.我本想叫上你但我知道你不是球迷I would've invited you,but I know you're not a football fan. 对当然很好No,no,I'm not,so... great.你能做自己喜欢的事You've got plans我也能做自己喜欢的事doing something you like,I've got plans这样很好doing something I like,so it's good.我们能迟些再聚Well,maybe we'll hang out later--等大家都走了you know,after everybody's gone.行可以Yeah,great.再见See ya.太逊了Well,this sucks.抱歉我觉得无聊开小差了I'm sorry,I got bored and drifted off.什么东西很逊Where exactly in the interaction did the sucking lie?莱纳德刚发现佩妮不想带他见朋友Leonard just realized that Penny's been hiding him因为莱纳德是个身材矮小from her friends because he's a tiny,little man又喜欢放风筝的人who flies kites.这当然会很逊Oh,that certainly would suck.沃罗威茨想侧翼包围咱们Wolowitz is trying to outflank us.你放线飞高点Let out some string,add altitude我从下方偷袭割他的线and I'll go under and cut his line.为什么佩妮不想让她朋友认识我Why wouldn't Penny want her friends to meet me? 集中精神比赛莱纳德Focus,Leonard,focus!战斗的热浪迎面而来The heat of battle is upon us.战争的恶犬已被释放The dogs of war are unleashed.或许库萨帕里说得对Maybe Koothrappali's right.也许我让她囧了Maybe I embarrass her.你现在就让我囧了You're embarrassing me right now.一个大男人在放风筝的时候A grown man worrying about such nonsense居然担心这种无聊东西when in the middle of flying kites.对不起Sorry.道歉可打不下对方的风筝Sorry won't bring their kites down.被线擦伤痛痛String burn! String burn!他们以为我们想侧翼包围Oh,they think we're flanking.正中我们下怀They're playing right into our hands.我数到三使出绝杀飞剪On the count of three,we execute the flying scissor. 一二One,two...哇Whoa!-看到没-什么- Did you see that? - See what?那个小妞她冲我笑That chick-- she smiled at me.-没有-有- No,she didn't. - Yes,she did.快飞剪飞剪Come on,scissors,scissors!-帮我拿着-等等- Hold my line. - Wait.你去干什么What are you doing?我没法单独使出飞剪I can't scissors by myself!霍华德回来Howard! Come back!胜利Victory!狗娘养的Son of a bitch.你真是垃圾朋友知道吗You're a sucky friend,you know that?比垃圾还垃圾的朋友A sucky,sucky friend.我能怎样What was supposed to do?她冲我那么诱惑一笑She gave me that "come-hither" look.就算她冲你笑那也是笑你很逊If she gave you any look at all. it was a "you suck" look. 如果没有拉伤大腿我就能追上她I would've caught up to her if I hadn't pulled a hammy. 拜托你才80磅重Oh,please,you weigh 80 pounds.哪有什么大腿肌肉You don't have a hammy.佩妮不想带我见朋友So,Penny doesn't want me around her friends.我让她囧了有其他可能吗I embarrass her. What else could it be?她的行为Well,her actions能理解为顾及你的感受could be out of concern for your feelings也许她不让你参加聚会Perhaps she's excluded you from these gatherings是因为她想物色新配偶because she's scouting for a new mate但不想让你看到and don't want to do it in front of you.她真贴心Oh... how kind of her.同意Agreed.大多数灵长类动物没有这种判断力Most primates don't show that sort of discretion.雌性倭黑猩猩会在前配偶面前A female bonobo will copulate with a new male与新配偶交配in front of the old one根本不会想"你怎么样"without so much as a "how do you do?"你老是这样知道吗You always do this,you know?抛下我去追没有机会追到的女人You ditch me for a woman you don't have a shot with. 我完全有机会I totally had a shot. With a woman在公园追逐一名女子you were chasing through a park--这不叫机会这叫重罪that's not a shot,that's a felony.搭上我赢回来的帕唐风筝更罪加一等What's worse,it cost me my prized Patang fighting kite. 谢尔顿能不能行行好Sheldon,I don't suppose there's any chance把风筝还给我you could give me my kite back?对不起拉杰空战的规则I'm sorry,Raj,but the rules of aerial warfare规定战败的风筝归胜者dictate at the fallen kite go to the victor.没有规则比赛就没有意义And without rules,the competition has no meaning.没有比赛意义And without meaning,下面的动作就只会是个空洞的姿态the following would be an empty gesture.你的风筝归我了I have your kite.你的橄榄球派对如何How was your football party?-很不错我们赢了-哇- It was pretty good. We won. - Oh,wow.太棒了That's excellent.你不觉得这个比喻很怪吗It's a weird figure of speech,isn't it不是我们在玩却说"我们赢了""We won" when you weren't actually playing.当我们看《星球大战》的时候When we watch Star Wars,我们不会说"我们打败了帝国"we don't say,"We defeated the Empire."很高兴听你这么说I'm glad to hear it.对了还有个相关问题Oh,hey,on a related subject,我跟你朋友在一起会让你觉得有失颜面吗Are you embarrassed to have me around your friends? 天呐当然不会Oh,my god,no.为什么要这么问Why would you ask that?我才发现Well,you know,I just noticed我还没见过他们呢I haven't really met any of them.你肯定见过Sure you have.对我见过你那高大的前男友Yeah,no,I met the huge ex-boyfriend还有小一点但还是比我高大的前男友and the smaller yet still larger than me ex-boyfriend 顺便问一下他们今天来了吗By the way,were they here today?-当然没有-当然没有- Of course not. - Of course not.为什么要来为什么我会问Why would they be? Why would I ask?为什么我这么无厘头为什么你不制止我Why am I rambling? Why don't you stop me?莱纳德Leonard,look,如果你想见我的朋友当然很好啦if you want to meet my friends,that would be great. 我只是不想让你觉得太无聊I just,you know,I didn't want you to be bored.我才不会觉得无聊呢I wouldn't be bored.为什么我会无聊Why would I be bored?因为他们不是天才科学家啊Well,'cause they're not genius scientists.佩妮我喜欢各种各样的人Penny,I like all sorts of people.事实上我最好的一些朋友并不是天才In fact,some of my best friends aren't geniuses.比如说Like who?好吧我的某些Facebook朋友不是天才Okay,some of my Facebook friends aren't geniuses. 重点在于如果我们要成为一对My point is,if we're going to be a couple,我应该是你朋友的朋友I should be friends with your friends.好啊太棒了那你下周六Okay,great. Well,then why don't you跟我们一起看橄榄球比赛吧come over next Saturday and watch the game with us. 又有橄榄球赛吗Another football game?橄榄球赛每周都有的They have them every week.不知道这回事Did not know that.-你想见我的朋友-当然- You wanted to meet my friends. - Sure.当然但是我对橄榄球不大了解Sure,just I don't know much about football.那没关系很多男生的Oh,that's okay-- a lot of the guys'女朋友完全不懂橄榄球girlfriends don't know football.她们就只在厨房边喝酒边聊天They just kind of drink and talk in the kitchen."真不错"Great.好的成功的传球Okay,a complete pass.一档新英格兰First down,New England.我觉得我开始有点明白了I think I'm starting to get this.真的吗Really?过去两小时中我唯一学到的The only thing I've learned in the last two hours就是美国男人喜欢喝啤酒is that American men love drinking beer,尿太多导致勃起障碍pee too often and have trouble getting erections.把精力放比赛上而不是广告拉杰Focus on the game,not the commercials,Raj.我只是说如果人们能减少啤酒摄入I'm just saying,maybe if you people cut back on the beer, 就可以从厕所中解脱出来you could get out of the bathroom在不使用医药帮助的情况下满足他的女人and satisfy your women without pharmaceutical help.拉杰你在这儿干嘛呢Raj,what are you doing here?你本该帮我改装我的小摩托You were supposed to help me pimp out my Vespa.对不起I'm sorry,你还沉浸在我们仍是朋友的印象中吗are you under the impression that we're still friends?别这样Oh,come on.你不会还在纠结风筝的事情吧You're not still grinding on the kite thing,are you?这不仅仅是风筝的事情It's not just the kite thing.每次我们出去玩你都认为你可以随时Every time we go some place,you think you can just把我丢下去追路过的漂亮美眉dump me whenever someone prettier comes along,尽管你跟她们完全没可能even though you don't have a shot with them.我跟那个跑步的有可能成的I had a shot with that jogger.行啊那找她与你一起往你的小绵羊上画绿焰去Fine. Paint green flames on your little scooter with her. 那不是小绵羊It's not a little scooter.那是他们造的第二大小摩托It's the second biggest Vespa they make!你在看橄榄球Are you watching football?没跟你开玩笑There's no fooling you.屏幕上的"sacks"数据又是什么Now,what is this sacks statistic they put up there?我只知道我妈经常去"Sacks"商店买东西All I know about Sacks is,my mother shops there. Sacks sacksSacks,sacks...这是个橄榄球术语用于四分卫It's football nom for when a quarterback is tackled在启球线之后被擒倒behind the line of scrimmage.启球Scrimmage.启球线是一条假想的横截线The line of scrimmage is the imaginary transverse line 用于区分进攻方与防守方separating the offense from the defense.谢尔顿懂橄榄球Sheldon knows football?很显然他懂Apparently.魁地奇他肯定懂橄榄球他也懂?I mean,Quidditch,sure. But football?谢尔顿你怎么知道这个Sheldon,how do you know this stuff?我可是在德克萨斯长大的I grew up in Texas.橄榄球在德克萨斯无处不在Football is ubiquitous in Texas:职业橄榄球大学橄榄球Pro football,college football,高中橄榄球初中橄榄球high school football,peewee football...事实上所有种类的橄榄球都有除了最原始的In fact,every form of football except the original--欧式橄榄球European football.而大部分德克萨斯人认为这是共产党阴谋Which most Texans believe to be a Commie plot.真难以置信Unbelivable.如果你感兴趣我还知道所有If you're interested,I also know all about frying meat 似鸡非鸡的炸肉排的相关知识that isn't chicken as if it were chicken.那你能教我吗So you could teach me?橄榄球还是炸肉排Football or chicken-fried meats?橄榄球Football.我周日要去佩妮家I'm going to Penny's on Saturday跟她的朋友们看比赛to watch a game with her friends我不想自己看上去像个白痴我想融入进去and I don't want to look lik an idiot. I want to blend in. 如果你想融入佩妮的朋友圈If you want to blend in with Penny's friends,我觉得扮作个白痴I'd think looking like an idiot会是完美的伪装would be the perfect camouflage.别这样谢尔顿教我橄榄球吧Come on,Sheldon,please teach me about football.会很有趣的It'll be fun.这跟我爸说的完全一样That's exactly what my father said."来看球赛吧去看球赛吧""Come to the games. Watch the games."周复一周的Week in and week out from the time从五岁直到我上大学I was five until I went off to college.人生当中最漫长的七年Longest seven years of my life.求你了这是朋友的请求Please,I'm asking you as a friend.你要将这作为一级友情请求吗Are you making this a tier one friendship request?是的Yes.那好吧Fine.-我非常感谢-算了算了- I really appreciate this. - Yeah,yeah.那好呆子闭嘴坐下听好All right,Poindexter,sit down,shut up and listen.你说啥I'm sorry?我老爸每次讲到橄榄球的话题That's how my father always began都是这个开场白our football conversations.如果你想的话And if you'd like,比赛后after the game,我还可以带你出去I'll take you outside and teach you how to shoot教你射会自己便便的浣熊Close enough to racoon that craps itself.你能别再摆弄赛昂吐司了吗(太空堡垒卡拉狄加里的人类天敌) When are you going to stop making Cylon toast?待我囤积的吐司大军足以毁灭传说中When I have enough to destroy all the human toast太空堡垒卡拉狄加上的人类吐司之后on the battlestar known as Galactica.你就穿这去佩妮那儿看橄榄球吗Is that what you're wearing to watch football at Penny's?这件球衣咋不对劲了What's wrong with a football jersey?没啥Nothing.只是看上去更像特制橄榄球鸡尾酒That,however,appears to be a football cocktail dress.这是最小号的I's the smallest size they had,除了狗狗衫以外except the one for dogs.难以置信居然还有专门的狗狗衫I can't believe they had one for dogs.当然有了Oh,yes.犬类球迷在德州司空见惯Canine football fans are a common sight in Texas.但是猫咪却不肯穿运动服Cats,however,refuse to wear sporting apparel.我姐有过惨痛教训My sister found that out the hard way.管他的祝我好运吧Anyway,wish me luck.等等莱纳德Leonard,wait.你是想通过结交佩妮的朋友Am I correct in assuming that your attempt to be accepted 来维持你俩间的性爱关系by Penny's pair to ensure我这么假设没错吧your continuing mating privileges with her?对我来说不尽然如此Well,I wouldn't put it exactly that way那到底是怎样How would you put it?好吧其实就是你说的那样Yeah,okay,like you said.看来要经历一段性关系Huh. Seems like an awful lot of trouble还真是麻烦得要命to go through for intercourse.你就不能花钱找个妓女吗Don't you have access to women who will do it for money? 顺便By the way.在这种语境下也可以"嗬"一声Another accepted usage for the term "ho."再见谢尔顿Good-bye,Sheldon.等下Hold on我认为按照社会传统规定I believe that social convention你可不能两手空空地上门dictate you not arriving empty-handed.带些赛昂吐司吧Would you like to bring some Cylon toast?不带我想融入其中才不想被嘲笑Yeah,no,I'm trying to fit in,not get laughed at.赛昂吐司有啥好笑What's funny about Cylon toast?门没锁It's open.好啊哥们儿Hey,pal.你来干嘛What do you want?我给你带了件小礼物I brought you a little gift.一只新风筝New kite.你害我输掉的那只可是正宗的帕唐风筝The kite you made me lose was an authentic Patang, 是我兄弟从新德里给我寄来的Indian fighting kite印度战斗风筝that my brother sent to me from New Delhi.我组装了一整天两天用来上色It took me a day to put together and two days to paint. 而这是Hello KittyThis is Hello Kitty.没错但这可附带一只零钱袋呢Yeah,but it comes with a little coin purse.帕唐风筝有吗Does a Patang?你还是不懂是吗Wow,you just don't get it,do you?就算你给我买什么可爱的小玩意Buying me something pretty isn't going也不能解决问题to make our problem just go away.听我说我有时候的确Look,I admit I haven't always been不是一个绝佳好友the best friend I could be.你根本就是超级烂友烂到极点Y've been a sucky friend,a sucky,sucky friend.没说错Stipulated.你一直都这样And you do it all the time.上周在Radio Shack商场(美国电子产品零售商) Last week in the mall at Radio Shack,we were looking 我们在帮你妈找一部超大号码键的电话for a phone with giant numbers for your mother,而我一转眼你居然就不见了and I suddenly realize you're not even there.-我知道-你去哪儿了- I know,I know... - And Where were you?被HDOS快餐店的一个女孩儿勾走了Getting shot down by the girl at Hot Dog on a Stick. 听我解释她实在很火辣嘛But in my defense,she was gorgeous!一边用榨汁机做柠檬汁And working that squeezer to make the lemonade,一边上下扭腰摆臀的going and down and up and down.简直就是在美食天地中It was like a free pole dance免费欣赏钢管舞嘛right in the middle of the food court.你真是不可理喻You're impossible.至少我不用喝醉酒Hey,at least I can talk to women就能和女人交谈自如without being drunk.不好意思我这是选择性缄默症Excuse me,I have selective mutism,被鉴定为是生理疾病a recognized medical disorder.你呢你不过是个脑残You're just a douche.不知道吗No. You know what?也许这才是原因Maybe that's what this whole thing's about.你不是在生我的气You're not mad at me,而是气你自己you're mad at yourself.不我就是生你的气No,I'm mad at you.我是讨厌自己但我还是生你的气I hate myself,but I'm mad at you.好吧你生我气我明白Fine. You're mad at me. I get it.何不今天咱一起过How about we go spend the day together?就我们俩Just the two of us.你想去哪儿都成We'll go anywhere you want.我不知道I don't know.别这样嘛Come on.我带你去好玩的地方Let me take you someplace nice.我很喜欢沥青坑博物馆(展出动物化石的公园) I-I do enjoy the La Brea Tar Pits.现在去那交通和停车问题Really,now? With the traffic and the parking?管他的走Okay,fine.沥青坑我们来啦The Tar Pits. Let's go.我怎么就对你没辙呢Oh,why can't I stay mad at you?上啊上啊Go! Go! Go!快上太好了Go-go-go-go! Yes!你们没看到吗Are you people watching this?这真是太棒了Is this amazing or what?亲爱的现在放的是Sweetie,that's a highlight98年冠军赛的比赛集锦from the '98 championship game.我不知道Oh. Did not know that.-你喝了多少-没喝怎么- How much beer have you had? - None,why?没啥我只是希望你喝醉了Oh. I was just kind of hoping you were drunk.-现在回到现场直播了-好- Now we're back live. - Okay,yeah.我能看出跟之前的差别I can see the difference.怎么不掷黄旗那绝对是故意出界Oh,where's the flag? That's intentional grounding.-绝对的-那完全就是个向前传球- Totally. - That completely was a forward pass,也就是说他们故意传球不成功Which they threw intentionally incomplete以免被罚码数或为了节省时间To avoid loss of yardage or to conserve time我真不敢相信裁判甚至不I can't believe they're not罚掉他们失去一次进攻机会Being penalized with the loss of a down并将启球线And by having to move the line of scrimmage移回到犯规的地方重新开始进攻Back to the spot of the foul.来吃块披萨亲爱的Here,have some pizza,sweetie.佩妮你知道我有乳糖不耐症的Penny,you know I'm lactose intolerant.我知道我只想让你别说话I know. I just need you stop talking.佩妮佩妮佩妮Penny. Penny. Penny.-谢尔顿进来吧-谢谢- Sheldon,come in. - Thank you.我想做三明治但没面包了I'd like to make a sandwich,but I'm out of bread.冰箱里有There's some in the fridge.你不该把面包放冰箱里的You shouldn't keep your bread in the refrigerator.淀粉分子间的结晶作用会让面包变硬Staleness is caused by crystallization of the starch molecules, 在低温条件下这一过程会加速Which occurs faster at cool temperatures.在地球上我们都说"谢谢"On Earth,we say "thank you."莱纳德鹦鹉学舌得怎么样So Leonard,how goes the mimesis?鹦鹉学舌"Mimesis"?你知道的鹦鹉学舌You know. Mimesis.就是鹦鹉学着某个特定的目标或人物An action in which the mimic takes on the properties模仿他们的行为of a specific object or organism.鹦鹉学舌Mimesis.你到底在说什么啊What the hell are you talking about?我是在跟你交流I'm attempting to communicate with you又不想让你周围的人明白Without my meaning becoming apparent to those around you. 我再试一次好了Let me try again.这几个"本地物种"Have the indigenous fauna接受你为他们中一员了吗Accepted you as one of their own?咯吱咯吱使使眼色Nudge,nudge,wink,wink.我想是吧Oh,I guess so.很好顺便提醒你Good. Oh,FYI.我吃完三明治之后我就带库萨帕里的After I eat my sandwich,I'm taking Koothrappali's帕唐风筝出去试飞一下Patang kite out for a test run.你想带着你的三角翼猛禽跟我一起去吗Would you like to get your delta-wing raptor and join me?谢尔顿我不想去放风筝I don't want to fly kites,Sheldon.我们正看球赛呢We're watching football here.我看得出来I can see that.只是给你另外一个选择而已I was providing you with an alternative.而且是之前从未在类似情况下提供过的恩惠A courtesy I was never offered in similar circumstances.快看Oh,look at that.俄克拉荷马的主教练掷红旗The Oklahoma coach throw down a red flag表明他对场上裁决表示异议Indicating he's challenging the ruling on the field.希望他是对的不然的话I hope he's right,'cause if he'not,他就要付出三次暂停中的一次作为代价了It'll cost him one of his three time-outs.莱纳德亲爱的You know,Leonard,honey,你想跟谢尔顿出去斗风筝的话我不介意的I wouldn't mind if you wanted to go fly kites with Sheldon. 不我想看完这比赛No,I'll watch the end of the game.再说反正也就剩三分钟了Besides,there's only three minutes left.上半场剩三分钟Until halftime.才到上半场结束This is justalf?都几个小时了We've been here for hours.还得再有几个小时And you're gonna be here for a couple more.-你开什么玩笑-没开玩笑- Oh,you're kidding me. - No.很高兴见到各位Nice meeting all of you.是啊那啥那就是我男朋友So,yeah,anyway,that's my boyfriend.他真的很聪明He is really smart.这剑齿猫[即剑齿虎]我真的很喜欢I really like my saber-toothed cat.谢谢你Thank you.别客气My pleasure.也许午饭后我们还可以去圣安东尼奥餐厅Maybe after lunch,we can go to Marie Callender's吃几个派And have some pie.我很想去I'd like it.这真是一个完美的周六This is turning out to be a perfect Saturday.很好我很荣幸Good.I'm glad.兄弟看到她怎么对我笑了吗Oh,man. Did you see the way she smiled at me?好吧你去好了Fine. Go ahead.不行今儿就我们俩过No. This is our day.想去追的话就去吧If you want to chase after her,chase after her.开什么玩笑那样的女孩我一点机会都没有的Ah,who am I kidding? I wouldn't have a shot with a girl like that. 别这么妄自菲薄Don't put yourself down.你还是很有吸引力的You're a very attractive man.-你真这么想-对- You think so? - Yeah.当然虽然我不会强迫你跟我去上Absolutely. It wouldn't kill you普拉提锻炼肌肉To take a Pilates class with me now and then,但你的竹竿身材还是有点吸引力的But you have a certain wiry appeal是啊都无所谓了Yeah,well,it doesn't matter因为她又没真的对我笑'cause she wasn't really smiling at me.事实上这次我觉得她确实有Actually,in this case,I think she was.真的Really?-真的-回见- Yeah. - Bye.真是个傻瓜What a douche.。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E04 – The Pirate Solution[Scene: The apartment].Sheldon: This movie baffles me every time we watch it.Leonard: What do you mean?Sheldon:Well, the instructions are very clear, don’t feed the gremlins after midnight, don’t get the gremlins wet. How hard is that?Penny (arriving): Hi, guys. Hi, honey.Leonard: Hey.Howard: Ooh, we’re honey now, are we?Sheldon:Yes. Since their relationship became carnal, Penny has upgraded his designated term of endearment, thus distinguishing him from those she calls sweetie, usually in an attempt to soften a thinly-veiled insult.Penny: You’re boring people sweetie.Sheldon: Although, sometimes, she omits the veil entirely.Penny: So, what are you guys doing?Howard: Celebrating Columbus Day.Leonard: We’re watching Goonies, Gremlins and Young Sherlock Holmes. They were all written by Chris Columbus.Penny: Okay. What do you watch on Thanksgiving?Sheldon: The parade.Penny: Oh, you know, that reminds me, I usually go back to Nebraska for thanksgiving, but this year they’re calling it off on account of my brother’s trial.Leonard: What’s he on trial for?Penny:Oh, just a big misunderstanding. You know, you’d actually like my brother, he’s kind of a chemist. Anyway, I was thinking I’d have thanksgiving here, and you are all invited.Leonard: Oh. I’ll be there.Sheldon: Will you be serving cranberry jelly or cranberry sauce?Penny: I guess I could serve both.Sheldon: You guess? You don’t seem to have much of a handle on this.Howard: Yeah, I really wish I could, Penny, but every year my mother has all the relatives over and cooks up her famous tur-briska-fil.Penny: Tur-briska-fil?Howard: Turkey stuffed with a brisket stuffed with gefilte fish. It’s not as good as it sounds.Penny: Raj, what about you?Howard: Oh, he usually comes to my house. Right, pal? (Raj bursts into tears and runs away) All right, this year, you don’t have to eat the tur-briska-fil. I don’t even chew it. I swallow it like pills.【Opening Credits】[Scene: A few moments later.]Leonard:So, what’s going on with Raj?Howard: Well, the good news is, he has no problem with my mother’s tur-brka-fil.Penny: Hard to believe, but go on.Howard: The bad news is, he says he’s getting deporte d.Leonard:What do you mean, he’s getting deported?Sheldon: I believe it means that the U.S. Government is going to expel him from the country. He could theneither return to his native India, emigrate to another country that’s willing to accept him, or wander the high seas as a stateless pirate. Personally, I’d choose pirate.Howard: Penny, would you mind stepping outside so we can speak to him?Penny: Ugh, fine. But the man really needs to work on his girl issues.Sheldon: Another reason to consider a l ife of piracy. Even today, I understand that’s an all-male profession. Howard: Okay, she’s gone.Raj: Sorry. I lost my cool.Leonard:So, what’s going on?Raj:Okay, here’s the deal, six months ago, my research testing the predicted composition of trans-Neptunian objects ran into a dead end.Howard: So?Raj: So, my visa’s only good as long as I’m employed at the university, and when they find out I’ve got squat, they’re going to cut me off. By the way, when I say squat, I mean diddly-squat. I wish I had squat. Leonard: So, wait, what have you been doing for the past six months?Raj: You know, checking e-mail, updating my facebook status, messing up wikipedia entries. Hey, did you know Netflix lets you stream movies on your computer now?Sheldon: And you’ve continued to take the university’s money under false pretences? Highly unethical for an astrophysicist. Although practically mandatory for a pirate.Raj: I don’t want to go back to India. It’s hot and loud, and there’s so many people. You have no idea, they’re everywhere.Howard: Okay, guys, think, how do we keep Raj in the country?Penny (from outside): Why doesn’t he just get another job?Howard (after Raj whispers to him): What are you asking me for? I don’t know if you can talk now or not.[Scene: The university cafeteria.]Raj:Oh, beef, I’m going to miss you so much. Do you know, at the Mumbai McDonald’s, you can’t get a Big Mac? All you can get is a Chicken Maharaja Mac. And the special sauce, curry, which, in India,believe you me, is really not that special.Leonard: Don’t worry, you’ll find another job.Raj:Yeah let me start practicing for it. Do you want fries with that Maharaja Mac?”Sheldon: Hi, Leonard. Hello, Raj.Raj: Hello Sheldon.Sheldon: Forgive me, as you know, I’m no adept at reading facial cues, but I’m going to take a stab here, you’re either sad or nauseated.Raj: I’m sad.Sheldon:I was going to say sad. I don’t know why I hedged.Raj: What are you eating?Sheldon: Elbow macaroni with ground hamburger and tomato sauce.Raj: Oh, beefa roni. I think I’ll miss you most of all.Leonard: I’ve always been a little confused about this. Why don’t Hindus eat beef?Raj: We believe cows are gods.Sheldon: Not technically. In Hinduism, cattle are thought to be like God.Raj: Do not tell me about m y own culture, Sheldon! In the mood I’m in, I’ll take you out, I swear to cow! Sheldon: I’m sorry.Raj: Me, too. I’m just, I’m a little on edge.Sheldon: Understandable. Your entire life seems to be crumbling around you, and your future appears bleak at best.Raj: Thank you.Sheldon: And you’re wrong about Hinduism and cows.Howard (arriving): Hey, Raj, guess what. Professor Laughlin is looking for someone to join the stellar evolution research team.Raj: You, you’re kidding. That’s fantastic!Howard: Come on, what are you waiting for? Call him and set up an interview.Raj: I’m on it.Sheldon:That’s happy, right?Leonard: Yeah.Sheldon: Nailed it.[Scene: Professor Laughlin’s office.]Prof Laughlin: Dr. Koothrappali, come on in. I was surprised to hear you were interested In joining our little team. Giving up on those trans-Neptunian objects, are we?Raj: No, no, it’s a very promising area. In a perfect world I’d spend several more years on it. But I just couldn’t pass up the opportunity to work with you on your tremendously exciting and not yet conclusively disproved hypothesis.Prof Laughlin: Splendid. Uh, please sit down. Can I offer you a sherry?Raj: It’s a little early, isn’t it?Prof Laughlin: Not on Proxima Centauri.Raj: That’s very good. Jolly amusing, but if you don’t mind, I’ll hold off until sunset on titan.Prof Laughlin: Oh, well done. I have a feeling you’re going to fit in just fine, Dr. Koothrappali.Raj: Thank you, sir.(There is a knock on the door. A young woman enters)Woman:I’m sorry. Am I late?Prof Laughlin: No, no, no. Right on time. Dr. Koothrappali, may I present Dr. Millstone from MIT. She’ll be heading up our data analysis team.Dr Millstone: It’s nice to meet you, Dr. Koothrappali. I read your paper on Kuiper belt object size d istribution.I really enjoyed it. How did you correct for the selection bias?(During this, Raj surreptitiously wanders over to where Prof Laughlin’s drinks are, pours himself a large sherry and knocks it back in one.)Raj: Well, I ran a simulation that allowed me to correct for the observational efficiency.Dr Millstone: That’s just fascinating.Raj: Thank you. Would you like to hear more about it in my hot tub? So, when do I start?[Scene: The apartment.]Howard:What do you mean you didn’t get the job? How could you not get it?Raj: You know, he’s British, I’m Indian, ever since Gandhi they haven’t liked us very much.Leonard: Wait, are you saying that he discriminated against you? Because we should file a complaint. Raj:That’s okay. A complaint has been filed. So, that’s it. That was my last hope. I’m going to be deported, sent home in disgrace, exposed to the sardonic barbs of my cousin Sanjay. Or, as you may know him, Dave from AT&T customer service.Howard: I’m really going to miss you.Raj: Will you come visit me in India?Howard: Gee, that’s, like, a 17-hour flight. How about I meet you halfway?Raj: Halfway is 600 miles off the coast of Japan.Howard: Tell you what, we’ll skype.Sheldon (arriving): Gentlemen.Leonard: Hey.Sheldon: Raj, did you get the job with Professor Laughlin?Raj: No.Sheldon: I assumed as much. But never fear. Like the subordinate male protagonist in countless action movies who disappears half way through the second reel, I have returned to save the day. Odd, usually, he’s met by cheers. Anyway, I was thinking about exploring the string theory implications of gamma rays from dark matter annihilations, and it occurred to me that I could benefit…Leonard: Excuse me, Sheldon, how many reels before the subordinate male protagonist gets to his point? Sheldon: I’m sorry, if you didn’t cheer at my entrance, it’s too late to buy into the premise. Anyway, I got some extra money from the head of the department, and raj can come work for me.Raj: You want me to work with you?Sheldon: For me. You’re going to have to listen more carefully when you’re on the job.Raj:Okay, uh, please don’t take this the wrong way, but I’d rather swim buck-naked across the Ganges with a paper cut on my nipple and die a slow, agonizing death from a viral infection than work with you. Sheldon: For me.[Scene: Sheldon’s office.]Raj (knocking and entering): Sheldon, are you busy?Sheldon: Of course I’m busy.Raj: Shall I wait?Sheldon: Yes, please. (After about 30 seconds) How may I help you?Raj:I’ve reconsid ered your offer to let me work with you.Sheldon: For me.Raj: Yes, for you. I do, however, have a few conditions. First, at all times, I am to be treated as a colleague and an equal. Second, my contributions shall be noted in all published material. And third, you are never allowed to lecture me on Hinduism or my Indian culture.Sheldon:I’m impressed, Raj. Those are very cogent and reasonable conditions.Raj: Thank you.Sheldon: I reject them all.Raj: Then you leave me no choice. I accept the job.Sheldon: I’m sorry, I believe you’ve misunderstood. I’m not giving you the job. I’m simply affording you the opportunity to apply for it. Have a seat, we’ll get started with the interview.Raj:Wha… You’re kidding!Sheldon: Please.Raj: All right.Sheldon: So, t hat’s what you wear to an interview?Raj: Come on, dude, we’ve been friends for years.Sheldon: Oh, pulling strings, are we?Raj: Sheldon, for God’s sakes, don’t make me beg.Sheldon: Bazinga! You’ve fallen victim to another one of my classic practical jokes. I’m your boss now. You may want to laugh at that.[Scene: The apartment.]Penny:Ah, it’s nice having the place to ourselves, isn’t it?Leonard: Uh-huh. Now that Raj is working for Sheldon, I don’t have to chauffeur him around anymore. Plus, yeah, with them working late so much, we get some privacy.Penny: Mm-hmm. Hey, want to get a little crazy?Leonard: What are you thinking?Penny: Let’s slide over to Sheldon’s spot a make out.Leonard: You are a dirty girl.(as the making out is interrupted by a knock on the door)Penny: Oh, God, how did he know?Howard: Hello.Leonard: Hi, Howard.Howard: Am I interrupting?Leonard: Little bit, yeah.Howard: Guess I should have called.Penny: Yeah, maybe.Howard: Tonight’s the night I usually go line dancing with R aj at the palomino.Leonard: Uh-huh.Howard:But he’s working with Sheldon.Penny: Yes, we know.Howard: Want me to leave?Leonard: You know, whatever.Howard: Okay, I guess I can hang for a little while. So what are we watching? Sex and the city.Yikes.Penny: Hey, I happen to love this movie.Howard: Fine, let’s watch it. Maybe all our periods will synchronize.[Scene: Sheldon’s office.]Sheldon: All right, we’re going to be designing an experiment to look for the annihilation spectrum resulting from dark matter collisions in space.Raj: Ooh, dark matter. We better bring a flashlight. I was making a joke.Sheldon: I’m the boss. I make the jokes.Raj: Sorry, go ahead and make your joke.Sheldon: This is not the time for joking. We’re doing serious research, which requires complete and utter focus.Raj: All right, let’s buckle down and work.(To the tune of Eye of the Tiger by Survivor, there is a montage of images, in all of which Sheldon and Raj are staring at the same equation on a whiteboard.)Raj: Sheldon.Sheldon: What?Raj: I need an aspirin.Sheldon: Top desk drawer.Raj: Thank you.Sheldon: Alright?Raj: Yes.Sheldon: Good.(Montage of scenes resumes)[Scene: Penny and Leonard exiting Leonard’s bedroom. ]Leonard: That was fun. Thank you.Penny: L eonard, honey, you don’t have to say thank you every time we have sex.Leonard: Oh. Okay. Tomorrow you’re going to get a card in the mail. Just throw it away.Howard:Top o’ the mornin’o ya!Leonard: What are you doing here?Howard: Well, usually, on Sunda ys, I go with Raj to scam on hippie chicks at the farmers market, but he’s stillworking with Sheldon, so I thought I’d come over here and make you guys scrambled eggs and salami. It’s the perfect meal for apres l’amour.Penny: Oh, kill me.Howard: By the way, I couldn’t help overhearing your big finish. Bravo, Leonard.Penny: See, if you had killed me when I said kill me, I wouldn’t have had to hear that.Howard: What do you guys think? Want to take in a matinee, maybe go rollerblading, catch a step class? Penny: Do something.Leonard: Yeah, okay. Um, Howard, we need to talk.Howard:Sure. ‘sup, homes?Leonard: Uh, please understand that it’s not that we don’t want you around, but Penny and I occasionally need some alone time.Howard:Oh. I get it, I’m the third wheel. Sorry, I should have seen that. I’ll get out of your way. Uh, you’re gonna want to eat those eggs while they’re still hot.Leonard: Thank you. There’s lox and cream cheese in the fridge, the bagels are in the oven, I was warming them up.Penny:That’s great.Howard: I just hang out with my mom. That’s always fun.Leonard: Good.Penny: Are we terrible people?Leonard: I don’t know. What do you want me to do?Penny: Get him, bring him back.Leonard: Are you sure?Penny: Yeah.Leonard: Okay. Howard come back.Howard: Oh, you guys had me scared for a minute.[Scene: Sheldon’s office. Sheldon is writing on the whiteboard.]Raj:No, no, no, no! That rate is much too low for what we’d expect from this collision. Do you understand that we’re talking ab out dark matter colliding in outer space?Sheldon: Of course I understand. And who are you to tell me about outer space?Raj:I’m the astrophysicist. Astro means space.Sheldon: Astro means star.Raj: Okay, well, let me just tell you, if we were having thi s argument in my native language, I’d be kicking your butt.Sheldon: English is your native language.Raj: Okay, you got me there, but you’re wrong about this!Sheldon: There is a fine line between wrong and visionary. Unfortunately you have to be a visionary to see it. Raj: My god, you think that every thought that comes out of your head is pure gold. Well, let me tell you something. Some of those thoughts are pure caca.Sheldon: Caca?Raj: It means doo-doo.Sheldon: All right! First of all, Dr. Koothrappa li, when I first proposed that you work with me…Raj: Aha! So I am working with you.Sheldon: In this context, with me means for me.Raj: Ah, well, in this context… (blows raspberry)Sheldon: Oh! If I’m wrong, prove it.Raj: Okay. Here’s where we derive th e mass of the dark matter particle.Sheldon: No, no, no, you’ve misstated the atomic weight of the target.Raj: Let me finish.Sheldon:You’re defacing my work.Raj: I’m not defacing it, I’m fixing it.Sheldon: Give me the eraser.Raj: No.Sheldon: I said give it to me.Raj: Come and get it.Sheldon: Fine. (Uses hand as an eraser. Then realises his hand is dirty) Oh, lord. Dr. Koothrappali, as your superior, I forbid you from writing on my board!Raj: You are not my superior.Sheldon: I am in every way.Raj: Oh, yeah? Can you do this? ( Performs complex finger trick ) Nice working with you. I’m sorry, for you. (Exits. Sheldon stares a moment, then tries to perform the trick. Fails.)[Scene: Outside Raj’s flat].Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Raj. (Knock, knock, knock) Raj. (Knock, knock, knock) Raj.Raj: I’m busy.Sheldon: Doing what? (Performs finger trick again) All right, you’ve made your point.Raj: What do you want, Sheldon?Sheldon: I looked over the board and it turns out you were right.Raj: So you were wrong.Sheldon: I didn’t say that.Raj: That’s the only logical inference.Sheldon: Nevertheless, I didn’t say it. Anyway, I would like you to come back and work for me.Raj: For you or with you?Sheldon: In this context for me could mean with me.Raj: All right, but I have some conditions.Sheldon: I reject them all.Raj:I’ll take the job. See you Monday.Sheldon: Wait, you have to drive me home.Raj: How did you get here?Sheldon: I walked.Raj: So walk home.Sheldon: I can’t. There’s a big dog out side. On the way home, we can start thinking about methods of optimizing the detector for 500 GEV particles.Raj: All right. (As they walk down the corridor, Eye of the Tiger starts playing again.)(* to perform trick, place both hands together as if praying, then fold two middle fingers over so that they pass to the right of one another, finally rotate right hand anti-clockwise and waggle both middle fingers)。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E06 – The Cornhusker VortexScene: The stairwell. The guys are carrying kites.Leonard: Kites, ho!Howard: Kites ho!Raj: Kites ho!All three: Kites, ho!Sheldon: Excuse me. You’re misusing the word ho. It’s an interjection used to call attention to a destination, not an object, as in, uh, Land, ho! Or, uh, Westward, ho!The three guys: Kites, ho!Penny: Hey, guys. What you doing? Going out to discover electricity?Sheldon:If you’re referring to the work of Benjamin Franklin, he did not discover electricity, he merely used a kite to determine that lightning consists of electricity. He also invented the Franklin stove, bifocals and the flexible urinary catheter. Kites, ho.Leonard: We’re heading out for some kite fighting. Penny: Kite fighting?Leonard:Oh, yeah. It’s an extremely competitive, cutthroat sport.Sheldon: Well, actually, the risk of throat cutting is very low. On the other hand, severe string burn is a real and ever-Present danger.Leonard: You want to come watch?Penny: Oh, gee, sounds amazing, but, um, I’ve got some friends coming over. Not a big thing, we’re just gonna watch the Nebraska game.Leonard: Oh. Football, sure.Howard: Good guess.Penny:I would’ve invited you, but I know you’re not a football fan.Leonard: No, no, I’m not, so, great. You’ve got plans doing something you like, I’ve got plans doing something I like, so it’s good.Penny:Well, maybe we’ll hang out later, you know, after everybody’s gone.Leonard: Yeah, great.Penny: See ya.Leonard: Well, this sucks.Sheldon:I’m sorry, I got bored and drifted off. Where exactly in the interaction did the sucking lie? Raj:Leonard just realized that Penny’s been hiding him from her friends because he’s a tiny, little man who flies kites.Sheldon: Oh, that certainly would suck.Credits sequence.Scene: The park.Sheldon: Wolowitz is trying to outflank us. Let out some string, add altitude and I’ll go under and cut his line.Leonard: Why wouldn’t Penny want her friends to meet me?Sheldon: Focus, Leonard, focus! The heat of battle is upon us, the dogs of war are unleashed. Leonard: Maybe Koothrappali’s right, maybe I embarrass her.Sheldon: You’re embarrassing me right now, a grown man worrying about such nonsense when in the middle of flying kites.Leonard: Sorry.Sheldon: Sorry won’t bring their kites down. Ow! String burn! String burn!Raj: Oh, they think we’re flanking, they’re playing right into our hands. On the count of three, we execute the flying scissor. One, two…Howard: Whoa! Did you see that?Raj: See what?Howard: That chick, she smiled at me.Raj: No, she didn’t.Howard: Yes, she did.Raj: Come on, scissors, scissors!Howard: Hold my line.Raj:Wait, what are you doing? I can’t scissors by myself! Howard! Come back!Sheldon: Victory!Raj: Son of a bitch.Scene: Leonard’s car.Raj: You’re a sucky friend, you know that? A sucky, sucky friend.Howard: What was I supposed to do? She gave me that come-hither look.Raj: If she gave you any look at l. It was a you suck look.Howard: I would’ve caught up to her if I hadn’t pulled a hammy.Raj:Oh, please, you weigh 80 pounds. You don’t have a hammy.Leonard: So, Penny doesn’t want me around her friends, I embarrass her. What else could it be? Sheldon: Well, her actions could be out of concern for your f eelings. Perhaps she’s excluded you from these gatherings because she’s scouting for a new mate and doesn’t want to do it in front of you. Leonard: Oh, how kind of her.Sheldon:Agreed. Most primates don’t show that sort of discretion. A female bonobo will copulate with a new male in front of the old one without so much as a how do you do?Raj: You always do this, you know? You ditch me for a woman you don’t have a shot with. Howard: I totally had a shot.Raj: With a woman you were chasing through a park? T hat’s not a shot, that’s a felony. What’s worse, it cost me my prized Patang fighting kite. Sheldon, I don’t suppose there’s any chance you could give me my kite back?Sheldon:I’m sorry, Raj, but the rules of aerial warfare dictate at the fallen kite go to the victor. And without rules, the competition has no meaning. And without meaning, the following would be an empty gesture. (Sings) I have your kite. I have your kite.Scene: Penny’s apartment.Leonard: Hey.Penny: Hi.Leonard: How was your football party?Penny: I t was pretty good. We won.Leonard:Oh, that’s excellent. It’s a weird figure of speech, isn’t it, we won when you weren’tactually playing. When we watch Star Wars, we don’t say, we defeated the Empire.Penny:I’m glad to hear it.Leonard: Oh, hey, on a related subject, are you embarrassed to have me around your friends? Penny: Oh, my god, no. Why would you ask that? Leonard:Well, you know, I just noticed I haven’t really met any of them.Penny: Sure you have.Leonard:Well, yeah, no, I met the huge ex-boyfriend and the smaller yet still larger than me ex-boyfriend. Were they here today?Penny: Of course not.Leonard: Of course not. Why would they be? Why would I ask? Why am I rambling? Why don’t you stop me?Penny:Leonard, look, if you want to meet my friends, that would be great. I just, you know, I didn’t want you to be bored.Leonard: I wouldn’t be bored. Why would I be bored?Penny: Well, ’cause they’re not genius scientists. Leonard: Penny, I like all sorts of people. In fact, some of my best friends aren’t geniuses.Penny: Like who?Leonard: Okay, some of my Facebook friends aren’t geniuses. My point is, if we’re going to be a couple, I should be friends with your friends. Penny: Okay, great. Well, then why don’t you come over next Saturday and watch the game with us. Leonard: Another football game?Penny: They have them every week.Leonard: Did not know that.Penny: You wanted to meet my friends. Leonard: Sure, sure, just I don’t know much about football.Penny: Oh, that’s okay, a lot of the guys’ girlfriends don’t know football. They just kind of drink and talk in the kitchen.Leonard: Great.Scene: The apartment. Leonard and Raj are watching a football game on the television. Leonard: Okay, a complete pass. First down, New England. I think I’m starting to get this.Raj: Really? The only thing I’ve learned in the last two hours is that American men love drinking beer, pee too often and have trouble getting erections. Leonard: Focus on the game, not the commercials, Raj.Raj: I’m just sa ying, maybe if you people cut back on the beer, you could get out of the bathroom and satisfy your women without pharmaceutical help. Howard (arriving): Raj, what are you doing here? You were supposed to help me pimp out my Vespa. Raj:I’m sorry, are you u nder the impression that we’re still friends?Howard: Oh come on, you’re not still grinding on the kite thing, are you?Raj:It’s not just the kite thing. Every time we go some place, you think you can just dump me whenever someone prettier comes along, even though you don’t have a shot with them.Howard: But I had a shot with that jogger.Raj: Fine. Paint green flames on your little scooter with her. (Leaves)Howard: It’s not a little scooter. It’s the second biggest Vespa they make! Are you watching football?Leonard:There’s no fooling you. Now, what is this sacks statistic they put up there?Howard: All I know about Saks is, my mother shops there.Leonard: Sacks, sacks…Sheldon:It’s football nomenclature for when a quarterback is tackled behind the line of scrimmage.Leonard:Huh… Scrimmage…Sheldon:The line of scrimmage is the imaginary transverse line separating the offence from the defence.Leonard: Oh.Howard: Sheldon knows football?Leonard: Apparently.Howard: I mean, Quidditch, sure. But football? Leonard: Sheldon, how do you know this stuff? Sheldon: I grew up in Texas. Football is ubiquitous in Texas. Pro football, college football, high school football, peewee football, in fact, every form of football except the original, European football, which most Texans believe to be a Commie plot. Leonard: Unbelievable.Sheldon:If you’re interested, I also know all about frying meat that isn’t chicken as if it were chicken. Leonard: So you could teach me?Sheldon: Football or chicken-fried meats? Leonard: Football. I’m going to Penny’s on Saturday to watch a game with her friends and I don’t want to look like an idiot. I want to blend in. Sheldon: I f you want to blend in with Penny’s friends, I’d think looking like an idiot would be the perfect camouflage.Leonard: Come on, Sheldon, please teach me about football. It’ll be fun.Sheldon: That’s exactly what my father said. Come to the games, watch the games, week in and week out from the time I was five until I went off to college. Longest seven years of my life. Leonard: Please, I’m asking you as a friend. Sheldon: Are you making this a tier one friendship request? Leonard: Yes.Sheldon: Fine.Leonard: I really appreciate this.Sheldon: Yeah, yeah. All right, Poindexter, sit down, shut up and listen.Leonard:I’m sorry?Sheldon: That’s how my father always began our football conversations. And if you’d like, after the game, I’ll take you outside and teach you how to shoot close enough to a racoon that it craps itself.Scene: The kitchen. Sheldon is making toast in a cylon toaster which burns an image of a cylon onto the toast.Leonard: When are you going to stop making Cylon toast?Sheldon: When I have enough to destroy all the human toast on the battlestar known as Galactica. Is that what you’re wearing to watch football at Penny’s?Leonard: What’s wrong with a football jersey? Sheldon: Nothing. That, however, appears to be a football cocktail dress.Leonard:I’s the smallest size they had, except the one for dogs. I can’t believe they had one for dogs. Sheldon: Oh, yes. Canine football fans are a common sight in Texas. Cats, however, refuse to wear sporting apparel. My sister found that out the hard way.Leonard: Anyway, wish me luck.Sheldon: Leonard, wait. Am I correct in assuming that your attempt to be a ccepted by Penny’s peers is based on your desire to ensure your continuing mating privileges with her?Leonard:Well, I wouldn’t put it exactly that way. Sheldon: How would you put it?Leonard: Y eah, okay, like you said.Sheldon: Huh. Seems like an awful lot of trouble to go through for intercourse. Don’t you have access to women who will do it for money? By the way, another accepted usage for the term ho. Leonard: Good-Bye, Sheldon.Sheldon: Hold on I believe that social convention dictate you not arrive empty-Handed. Would you like to bring some Cylon toast?Leonard:Yeah, no, I’m trying to fit in, not get laughed at.Sheldon:What’s funny about Cylon toast?Scene: Raj’s apartment. Raj is watching a Bollywood movie. There is a knock on the door. Raj: It’s open.Howard: Hey, pal.Raj: What do you want?Howard: I brought you a little gift. New kite.Raj: The kite you made me lose was an authentic Patang, an Indian fighting kite that my brother sent to me from New Delhi. It took me a day to put together and two days to paint. This is Hello Kitty. Howard: Yeah, but it comes with a little coin purse. Does a Patang?Raj: Wow, you just don’t get it, do you? Buying me something pretty isn’t going to make our problem just go away.Howard: Look, I admit I haven’t alw ays been the best friend I could be.Raj: You’ve been a sucky friend, a sucky, sucky friend.Howard: Stipulated.Raj: And you do it all the time. Last week in the mall at Radio Shack, we were looking for a phone with giant numbers for your mother, and I suddenly realize you’re not even there.Howard: I know, I know.Raj: And where were you?Howard: Getting shot down by the girl at Hot Dog on a Stick. But in my defence, she was gorgeous, and working that squeezer to make the lemonade, going up and down and up and down. It was like a free pole dance right in the middle of the food court. Raj:You’re impossible.Howard: Hey, at least I can talk to women without being drunk.Raj: Excuse me, I have selective mutism, a recognized medical disorder. You’re just a do uche. Howard: No. You know what? Maybe that’s what this whole thing’s about. You’re not mad at me, you’re mad at yourself.Raj:No, I’m mad at you. I hate myself, but I’m mad at you.Howard: Fine. You’re mad at me. I get it. Now, how about we go spend the day together? Just the two of us. We’ll go anywhere you want.Raj: I don’t know.Howard: Come on. Let me take you someplace nice. Raj:I… I do enjoy the La Brea Tar Pits.Howard: Really, now? With the traffic and the parking, it’s… okay, fine. The Tar Pits. Let’s go. Raj: Oh, why can’t I stay mad at you?Scene: Penny’s apartment. Everyone is watching football.Leonard: Go! Go! Go! Go-Go-Go-Go! Yes! Are you people watching this? Is this amazing or what? Penny:Sweetie, that’s a highlight from the ’98 championship game.Leonard: Oh. Did not know that.Penny: How much beer have you had? Leonard: None, why?Penny: Oh. I was just kind of hoping you were drunk. Now we’re back live.Leonard: Okay, yeah. I can see the difference. Guy in baseball hat:Oh, where’s the flag, that’s intentional grounding.Second guy: Totally.Leonard: That completely was a forward pass, which they threw intentionally incomplete to avoid loss of yardage or to conserve time. I can’t believe they’re not being penalized with the loss of a d own and by having to move the line of scrimmage back to the spot of the foul.Penny: Here, have some pizza, sweetie. Leonard: Penny, you know I’m lactose intolerant. Penny: I know. I just need you stop talking. Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny.(Knock, knock, knock) Penny.Penny: Sheldon, come in.Sheldon: Thank you. I’d like to make a sandwich, but I’m out of bread.Penny: There’s some in the fridge.Sheldon:You shouldn’t keep your bread in the refrigerator. Staleness is caused by crystallization of the starch molecules, which occurs faster at cool temperatures.Penny: On Earth, we say thank you.Sheldon: So Leonard, how goes the mimesis? Leonard: Mimesis?Sheldon: You know. Mimesis. An action in which the mimic takes on the properties of a specific object or organism. Mimesis.Leonard: What the hell are you talking about? Sheldon: I’m attempting to communicate with youwithout my meaning becoming apparent to those around you. Let me try again. Have the indigenous fauna accepted you as one of their own? Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.Leonard: Oh, I guess so.Sheldon: Good. Oh, FYI. After I eat my sandwich, I’m taking Koothrappali’s Patang kite out for a test run. Would you like to get your delta-wing raptor and join me?Leonard: I don’t want to fly kites, Sheldon. We’re watching football here.Sheldon: I can see that. I was providing you with an alternative. A courtesy I was never offered in similar circumstances.Leonard:Oh, look at that. The Oklahoma coach has thrown down a red flag indicating he’s challenging the ruling on the field. I hope he’s right, ’cause if he’s not, it’ll cost him one of his three time-Outs.Penny: You know, Leonard, honey, I wouldn’t mind if you wanted to go fly kites with Sheldon. Leonard: No, I’ll watch the end of the game. Besides, there’s only three minutes left.Penny: Until half time.Leonard: This is just half? We’ve been here for hours.Penny: And you’re gonna be here for a couple more.Leonard:Oh, you’re kidding me.Penny: No.Leonard: Nice meeting all of you.Penny: So, yeah, anyway, that’s my boyfriend. He is really smart.Scene: The Le Brea Tar Pits.Raj: I really like my saber-toothed cat. Thank you. Howard: My pleasure. Maybe after lunch, we can go to Marie Callender’s and have some pie.Raj: I’d like that. This is turning out to be a perfect Saturday.Howard: Good. I’m glad. Oh, man. Did you see the way she smiled at me?Raj: Fine. Go ahead.Howard: No. This is our day.Raj: If you want to chase after her, chase after her. Howard: Ah, who am I kidding? I wouldn’t have a shot with a girl like that.Raj:Don’t put yourself down. You’re a very attractive man.Howard: You think so?Raj: Yeah. Absolutely. It wouldn’t kill you to take a Pilates class with me now and then, but you have a certain wiry appeal.Howard:Yeah, well, it doesn’t matter ‘cause she wasn’t really smiling at me.Raj: Actually, in this case, I think she was. Howard: Really?Raj: Yeah.Howard: Bye.Raj: What a douche.。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E02 – The Jiminy Conjecture[Scene: The comic book store.]Howard：Sheldon,you're wrong.Wolverine was not born with bone claws.Sheldon：Howard,you know me to be a very smart man.Don't you think if I were wrong,I'd know it? Howard：Okay,first of all...Raj：Give it up,dude.You're arguing with a crazy person.Sheldon：I'm not crazy.My mother had me tested.Leonard：Hey,guys. –Raj：What are you doing here?Leonard：What do you mean? It's new comic book night.Raj：Yeah,but since you and Penny finally hooked up,we thought you two would be having bouncy naked yum-yum night.Leonard：There's more to life than sex,Raj.Howard：Okay,who had "Leonard flames out with Penny in less than 24 hours"?Sheldon：I did.Leonard：Nothing flamed out.We don't have to have sex every night,you know.Howard：You don't have to,but it's highly recommended.Raj：Yeah,take advantage of that window of opportunity before it slams shut on your little dinky.Leonard：It's not a matter of opptunity. We're getting to know each other. There's a learning curve. Howard：What's there to learn?You get naked,do nasty things to each other, then somebody makes scrambled eggs and salami.Easy peasy.Sheldon：Perhaps what Leonard is oblique referring to is the occurrence of some sort of sexual dysfunction. Raj：Okay,who had "Leonard gets a floppy disk"?Sheldon：Oh,a clever,albeit obsolete,euphemism for insufficient blood flow the male sex organ.Leonard：Nothing like that happened,all right? The sex was... just fine.Raj：Just fine?Oh,dude,the fourth Harry Potter movie was "just fine."Leonard：I'm not saying it was bad.I'm just saying it... wasn't great.Howard：Okay,when you say "it wasn'great,"do you mean for both of you?Because we can totally see it not being great for her.Am I right?Raj：Oh,yeah.Leonard：To tell you the truth,I think we were both a little...I don't know.Raj and Howard：Disappointed? Let down? Ashamed? Horrified? Repulsed?Leonard：All I know is,it wasn't the way I dreamed it would be.Howard：Sex is never the way I dream it's gonna be.Raj：That's because in your dreams, you're a horse from the waist down.Sheldon：Excuse me,Wolverine: Origin.Miniseries issue two,page 22.Retractable bone claws.If you people spent less time thinking about sex and more time concentrating on comic books,we'd have far fewer of these embarrassing moments.Credits Sequence[Scene: The apartment.]Leonard：Sheldon,dinner's here.Sheldon：Tandoori Palace?Leonard：No,we went somewhere new.Sheldon：You're good naturedly ribbing me,aren't you?Leonard：No,look,Mumbai Palace.Sheldon：Why?Why would we change?We had a perfectly good palace.Tandoori Palace is our palace. Leonard：Trust me,this will be just fine.Howard：You are the authority on "just fine."Leonard：What's that supposed to mean?Howard(after Raj whispers to him)：Yeah,exactly, "Not bad,but not great".Penny：What are they talking about?Leonard：I don't know.Sheldon：I know.As I'm sure you're aware...Leonard：Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh.Sheldon：If that's Morse code,That's terrible.As I was saying, you and Leonard had a disappointing sexual encounter.Earlier this evening, Leonard characterized as "just fine."So what you're seeing here is a continuation of the mocking that followed. Penny：Okay,yeah,well,I'm just gonna go eat my dinner elsewhere.Leonard：Maybe an airplane headed for a mountainside.Penny,wait.What is wrong with you?Sheldon：I sense I may have crossed some sort of line.Raj：Yeah,you...Howard：No,don't tell him.Let's see if he can figure it out.Penny：Ugh,I am so embarrassed!Leonard：Please don't be mad.Penny：What did you tell them?Leonard：Nothing bad,just that last night was fine.Penny：Fine? You said it was fine?Leonard：Yeah,it's a perfectly good word.You put it in front of "wine" or "dining," and you've really got something.Okay,well,let me ask you this: How was last night for you?Penny：It was... okay.Leonard：Okay?Penny：Yeah,it's a perfectly good word.I mean,you put it in front of "dokay" And you really got something.All right,look,let's not overreact,you know.For a lot of couples,it takes time to get to know each other's rhythms.Learn what the other person was and likes.Leonard：So,you've been through this before?Penny：INo.Leonard：Okay-dokay.Penny：You know,I think this is one of those things where talking about it is not going to make it better. Want a glass of wine?Leonard：So much. OkayPenny：See,we should've done this last night. You know,have a little wine,take the edge off.Leonard：Actually,ethyl alcohol inhibits electrical conduction in the nerve cells and stimulates reuptake receptors of inhibitory neurotranmitters like gamma-aminobutyric acid.Penny：Don't talk,just drink.Howard：No,you're misunderstanding. A shiksa goddess isn't an actual goddess. And we don't pray to them.We prey on them.Raj：Whatever,dude.The point is,Leonard's got one and you don't.Sheldon：Is this it.It was inappropriate to discuss Leonard and Penny's sex life in front of Leonard and Penny (Howard indicates that he has got it.).Oh,good! Now I can eat.Raj：What's that?Howard：Sounds like a cricket.Sheldon：Hang on.Based on the number of chirps per minute and the ambient temperature in this room, it is a snowy tree cricket.Howard：Oh,give me a freakin' break. How could you possibly know that?Sheldon：In 1890,Emile Dolbear determined that there was a fixed relationship between the number of chirps per minute of the snowy tree cricket and the ambient temperature.A precise relationship that is not present withordinary field crickets.Raj：How do you know what the exact temperature of the room is?Sheldon：Under the terms of my roommate agreement with Leonard,I've had unilateral control of thermostat ever since the sweaty night of '06.Howard：Ok,you were right about wolverine and bone claws,but you're wrong about the cricket.Sheldon：Howard,don't embarrass yourself. The science chirps for itself.Humorous word play.Howard：No,no,not this time.I know insects,my friend.I spent many childhood years capturing them with nets,putting them in glass jars,sticking pins through them, mounting them on corrugated cardboard with Dymo labels underneath,identifying the genus and species.In Latin.Raj：Oh,dude,you are never getting a shiksa goddess.Sheldon：That is a snowy tree cricket. Oecanthus fultoni.I was done with Latin by fifth grade.Howard：Okay,okay,tell you what.I am willing to bet anything that's an ordinary field cricket.Sheldon：I can't take your money.Howard：What's the matter,you chicken?Sheldon：I've always found that an inappropriate slur.Chickens are not by nature,at all timid.In fact,when I was young, my neighbor's chiken got loose and chased me up the big elm tree in front of our house.Raj：Chickens can't climb trees.Sheldon：Thank God.Howard：Okay,I believe a chicken made you his bitch.But the cricket thing,I don't buy.Bet me.Sheldon：Fair enough.What stakes do you propose?Howard：I would put my Fantastic Four of No. 48 first appearance of Silver Surfer,against your Flash 123, the classic Flash of two worlds issue.Sheldon：All right,you have a wager.Raj：Hmm. Great.Now how are you going to settle it,hmm?There is no way to determine the species of the criet without examining it.Slight time shift. The guys are searching for the cricket.Raj:I wonder what the non-pathetic people are doing tonight.[Scene: Penny’s apartment, Penny and Leonard are kissing. They break and look at each other uncomfortably.]Leonard：More wine?Penny：Hit me.[Scene: The apartment, the guys are still searching for the cricket. They are inside the cupboard.] Sheldon：I don't see anything.Howard：Shh!Raj：Hallway. (All try to exit at once and get stuck in doorway.)Sheldon：One at a time.(Same thing happens again. Eventually they leave the apartment. There is a growling noise.)What was that?Raj：My stomach.Indian food doesn't agree with me.Ironic,isn't it?Howard：Shh!Elevator shaft.Sheldon：Help me open it.Howard：Are you crazy?We can't go down empty elevator shaft.Sheldon：Fine,if you don't want to proceed,then you forfeit the bet,and I'll take possession of your Fantastic Four.Howard：Let's open her up.Sheldon：Are you bothered that I can so easily manipulate you?Howard：Don't push me,Sheldon.I may be small,but I took kung fu when I was 13,and I remember a good deal of it.Sheldon：Oh,really?Well,I grew up with an older brother and a very contentious twin sister. And I believe Icould easily best you in any physical confrontation-- be it noogies,swirlies or the classic "Why are you hitting yourself?"Raj：Ooh,big talk from a man who was once treed by a chicken.[Scene: Penny’s apartment.]Leonard：What are we drinking now?Penny：Peppermint schnapps.Leonard：Why would you buy peppermint schnapps?Penny：Because I like peppermint,and it's fun to say schnapps.Hey,Leonard?Leonard：What?Penny：Schnapps.Leonard：Schnapps.You're right,that is fun.[Scene: The elevator shaft. Sheldon is inside.]Raj：Be careful.Sheldon：If I were not being careful,your telling me to be careful would not make me careful.Raj(hearing the cricket)：Stairwell.Sheldon：Uh-oh,flashlight went out. I need some batteries.Fellas? Hello? It's really dark down here.[Scene: Penny’s bathroom. Leonard is vomiting in the toilet.]Penny：Oh,sweetie. You really can't hold your liquor,can you?Leonard：I'm okay.Just a little mouthwash and then I'm gonna rock your world.Are you okay?[Scene: The university cafeteria. Raj has the cricket in a jar.]Raj：Ugh,Toby,what did you do in a past life to be so disgusting now?Sheldon：His name isn't Toby. Toby is an absurd name for a cricket.Raj：What would you name him?Sheldon：An appropriate cricket name. For example,Jiminy.Howard：All right,Sheldon,here we go. Kleingast's Field Guide to North American Insects. Hey Toby.Right here. See it?The common field cricket, AK Gryllus assimilis,which is Latin for "suck it,you lose." Sheldon：Hang on.Voilà.The snowy tree cricket. AKA Oecanthus fultoni, which is Latin for I'll suck nothing. Of course I'm joking because the Latin for that is nihil exsorbibo.Howard：That is not Toby, this is Toby.Sheldon：Raj,what do you think?Raj：Oh,I really don't care anymore.Leonard：God,I had the most horrible night.Raj：what happened？Sheldon：Obviously another carnal fiasco with the shiksi goddess.Howard：Shiksa. Shik-sa.Sheldon：Forgive me.Yiddish was not spoken in East Texas.And if it was,it wasn't spoken for long. Howard：Yeah,fine,whatever.The point is,you're wrong again.Sheldon：We haven't established that I'm wrong once. All right.Howard：Tell you what. Let's go down to the Entomology Department and let Professor Crawley tell us what kind of cricket Toby is.Sheldon：He's a snowy tree cricket, and his name is Jiminy.Leonard：I bet I could throw a rock in this room and come up with three better friends.[Scene: The Entomology Department.]Raj：Holy crap.It's like Silence of the Lambs down here.Don't do that.Howard：You're such a girl.The're just bugs.Raj：Yeah,well,I don't like bugs,okay? They freak me out.Sheldon：Interesting.You're afraid of insects and dybugs must render you catatonic.It was a joke.I made it to lessen your discomfort.You're welcome.Prof.Crawley(arriving)：Don't knock.Just walk in.Why be polite to the world's leading expert on the dung beetle?Sheldon：Excuse me,are you Professor Crawley?Prof.Crawley：Who wants to know?Sheldon：I'm Dr. Cooper from the Physics Department.Prof.Crawley：Couldn't wait,huh?Sheldon：I'm sorry?Prof.Crawley：I haven't even packed yet,and you're already measuring my lab for one of your godless laser machines.Howard：No,you don't understand. We just want to ask you a question.Prof.Crawley：Let me ask you one first. What's a world renowned entomologist with a doctorate and 20 years of experience to do with his life when the university cuts off the funding for his lab,huh?Raj：Ask rhetorical questions that make people uncomfortable?Prof.Crawley：What's your deal? Are they planning to outsource my job to Bangalore?Raj：I'm from New Delhi. Maybe you should find another entomologist.Sheldon：No,no. We're here. Let's settle this. Professor,can you identify our cricket?Prof.Crawley：Of course I can. I can identify every insect and arachnid on the planet. Not that that's going to keep me from having to move in with my daughter in Oxnard. And we're not talking Oxnard at the beach. No! We're talking Oxnard in the onion fields.Howard：Well,could you look at Toby?Prof.Crawley：Toby?What a stupid name for a cricket.Sheldon：Told ya.Prof.Crawley：It's a field cricket.Howard：Yes!Sheldon：No,no,wait.Dr. Crawley,are you sure?Prof.Crawley：Young man,I've been studying insects since I was eight years old.You know what they used to call me in school?Creepy Crawley.Sheldon：Cruel as that may be, But this is not in itself a credential.Prof.Crawley：Let me show you something.See that?That's a Crawley's dung beetle. I discovered it after spending six months slogging Through a Bornean rain forest, While my wife was back home shacking up with a two-bit ornithologist Who lives on a sailboat and likes to wear boot-cut jeans! So,when I tell you that it's a common field cricket, You can take that to the damn bank! 'Cause God knows I can't!That tramp took me for everything!Sheldon：Well,apparently,I was wrong.Congratulations.Raj：Enjoy Oxnard.I'm sure your daughter's looking forward to having you.[Scene: The lobby.]Penny：Oh,hey,Sheldon.What you got there? New comic book?Sheldon：Old comic book.I just retrieved it from my safe deposit box.Penny：What do you have a safe deposit box for?Sheldon：Old comic books.I lost this to Wolowitz in an ill-considered cricket wager.Penny：What,do they have Wii cricket now?That can't be very popular.Sheldon：Penny,I'd rather not talk about it.Penny：Well,if it makes you feel any better,I'm not feeling so hot either.Sheldon：Why would that make me feel better?Penny：I don't know,empathy? Anyway,I'm just saying,That you're feeling upset about something with Howard,-And I'm upset about something with Leonard.Sheldon：Yes.Yes,the disappointing sex. That's an inexact parallel.You and Leonard can always return to being friends,Whereas I can never return to a state In which Wolowitz has not bested me Like Mrs. Riley's chicken.Penny：What's Mrs. Riley's chicken?Sheldon：A chicken that was owned by MrsRiley.Penny：Okay,forget the chicken.Sheldon：Well,I wish I could.Penny：No,no.You may be right about me and Leonard.Sheldon：Of course I'm right.What are the odds I'd be wrong twice in one week?Penny：No,I mean,we can always go back to being friends.Sheldon：I just said that. This conversation has started to circle.Meeting adjourned.[Scene: The apartment]Sheldon: Hello.Leonard：Hi,What's going on?Sheldon：Oh,you'd like to catch up on the events of the day. All right Well,there was a half-hour wait at the bank To get into my safe deposit box, I was forced to talk to Penny about your sexual problems,And,oh,yes,In a moment filled with biblical resonance,Pride wentth before my fall, Causing my Flash 123 to go with to Wolowitz.Leonard：Wait a minute. You talked to Penny about our sex life?Sheldon：Leonard,it astonishes me how you continually fixate on the trivial.I lost a bet to Wolowitz. Leonard：Right,right. You're saying you talked to Penny?Sheldon：Ye-Yes.Leonard：Interesting.Sheldon：Hardly.Leonard：Excuse me.Sheldon：Have I crossed some sort of line again?Leonard：Little bit.Oh,who cares?[Scene: Penny’s doorway.]Leonard：Uh,what did Sheldon say to you?Penny：Not a lot.Just that we always have the option of going back to being friends.Leonard：Is that what you want?Penny：I don't know.I mean,you have to admit Things seemed simpler when we were just friends. Leonard：I guess.Penny：It would take the pressure off.Leonard：It would,wouldn't it?Penny：So,we'll just be friends.Leonard：Good.Good.Penny：Come here.(She gives him a hug. It turns into a big kiss.)Leonard (closing door): Okay-dokay。

我们还有多少时间How much time do we have?倒数5小时37分钟Uh,T-minus five hours,37 minutes流星雨开始to onset of meteor shower.我们的位置是北纬34.48°西经118.21°Okay,our position is 34.48 degrees north,118.31 west. 这意味着方位角应该是...That means the azimuth should be...相对磁北168.22°168.22 degrees relative to magnetic north外加仰角49.93°with an elevation of 49.93.有什么了吗Anything yet?我们有信号却不能锁定坐标Uh,we have a signal,but there's no frame lock.等等现在如何Hang on. How about... now?我们成功了We did it.我们收到西海岸HBO电视台的信号了We have the West Coast feed of HBO.哇《真实性爱》Ooh,Real Sex.这可好看了每次我看这节目Big deal. Every time I watch that show,都是个老女人往黄瓜上套安全套it's old women putting condoms on cucumbers. 那好让我们来看看东海岸在播什么All right,let's see what's on the East Coast feed. 喔是《沙丘》Oh,hey. Dune.不算是个好电影Not a great movie,但看看这美丽的沙漠啊but look at that beautiful desert.谢尔顿不能来真可惜Too bad Sheldon couldn't come with us.没有他在感觉有点不大对头Yeah,it's just not the same without him.这电影太烂了我换回去看《真实性爱》Oh,this sucks. I'm switching back to Real Sex.谢尔顿日志Sheldon's log.星历63345.3Stardate 63345.3.当我的同事们离开While my colleagues are off去观测狮子座流星雨时observing the Leonid meteor shower,我留守后方完成我关于I have remained behind to complete my paper高激发态大质量弦状态衰变的论文on the decays of highly excited massive string states. 尽管我的研究进展顺利Although my research is going well,我确实很想念人类陪伴的温暖I do miss the warmth of human companionship.晚上好暹罗宫And good evening to you,Siam Palace.我是谢尔顿·库珀This is Sheldon Cooper.我今晚要孤独一人进餐Yeah,I'm going to be dining alone this evening,所以我要减少通常的菜单so I'll be reducing my usual order.我的前菜要四分之一份I'd like to start with one quarter什锦小吃of the Assorted Appetizers Plate然后要两人份的金宝贝的一半and,uh,one half of the Golden Treasure for two. 看在老天的份上在18世纪中页Oh,for heaven's sake. In the mid-18th century, 暹罗国王拉玛四世将巨大的帝国King Rama IV of Siam divided a huge empire 割让给了欧洲的各大殖民势力amongst the colonial powers of Europe目的是为了保住王位in order to preserve his throne.理所当然的你他的文化继承者Surely,you,his cultural descendant,也能搞定这些泰式炒面和饺子can handle pad Thai and dumplings.谢尔顿救命Sheldon,help!我要挂了但是记住我在那些I need to go-- but you keep in mind关于一家本地松饼店that my sharply worded comments言辞尖锐的评论on recently took down a local muffin store. 佩妮佩妮佩妮Penny. Penny. Penny.进来快点Come in! Hurry!佩妮Penny?我在里面I'm back here.佩妮佩妮佩妮Penny. Penny. Penny.哦老天我在浴室里Oh,for God's sakes,I'm in the bathroom!我该挑个更恰当的时机再来吗Shall I come back at a better time?给我进来Get in here!快点Hurry!你敢再敲门试试Don't you dare knock!你好Hello.我在浴缸里滑倒了I slipped in the shower,我觉得肩膀好像脱臼了and I think I dislocated my shoulder.这不奇怪Not surprising.你没有装防滑垫或者防滑贴纸You have no safety mat or adhesive stickers 来抵消浴缸表面的to allow for purchase on a surface很低的静摩擦系数with a low coefficient of static friction.什么What?浴缸都很滑的Tubs are slippery.我知道我滑倒了I know. I slipped.我有一个系列的古怪鸭贴纸I have a series of whimsical duck stickers贴在我的浴缸底部on the bottom of my tub.好吧无论如何Yeah,okay,whatever.你能把水关掉再扶我起来吗Will you just turn the water off and help me up?他们都撑着伞的They're holding umbrellas.什么What?我浴缸里的鸭子The ducks in my tub.它们怪就怪在这些鸭子既没有需要They're whimsical because ducks have neither a need for, 也没有能力来使用雨伞nor the ability to use,umbrellas.上帝啊我得去急救中心了Oh,my God. I got to go to the emergency room.如果你确定你的右上膊骨Well,assuming you're correct that your right humerus 不再固定在肩臼上is no longer seated in the glenoid socket,-我当然认为你该去急救中心-你能车我去吗- I would certainly think so. - Okay,can you drive me? 我不开车的I don't drive.但我开不了Well,I can't drive!看来我们到达了一个僵局Well,it seems we've reached an impasse.我可以帮你叫辆的士或者救护车I could call you a cab or an ambulance.不不不我等不及了No,no,no. I can't wait that long.你必须得帮我求你了You got to help me,please.好的不能让人说谢尔顿·李·库珀All right. Let it never be said that Sheldon Lee Cooper 是个无视陷入困境的少女的人ignored the pleas of a damsel in distress.没人这么说快走吧No one's saying that. Let's go.因没买99美分的防滑鸭子Well,it does seem rather ironic而导致两个人都可能死于惨烈的车祸that for want of 99-cent adhesive ducks,这看上去真是非常讽刺we both might die in a fiery car crash.我真希望佩妮不用去工作I wish Penny didn't have to work.她喜欢野营She loves camping.是啊那就太好了Yeah,that would have been great.你和佩妮在帐篷里做爱You and Penny having sex in the tent而我则坐在外面看霍华德拿仙人掌爆菊while I sit out here and watch Howard hump a cactus. 好的我已经尽力侦查了Okay,the best I can tell,附近还有8个野营地there are eight other campsites nearby.大多都是像我们这样的科学呆子Mostly science nerds like us,不过山脊另一边but just over yon ridge are two有两位不无魅力的中学老师not unattractive middle school teachers 浑身散发着绝望主妇的气息who reek of desperation.太好了Wow. Wonderful.-她们多大-我不知道- How old are they? - I don't know.50岁55岁吧50,55.更年期妇女Oh,menopause.天然的节育控制Nature's birth control.拜托Come on.你们不会这么饥渴吧You guys can't be that hard up.-我饥渴-我也是- I am. - Yeah,me,too.看她们还送了点自制曲奇给我们Look-- they gave me homemade cookies. 当然会给Of course,they did.老奶奶都这样That's what grandmothers do.那我们还等什么So,what are we waiting for?悠着点Relax.我说等她们打完盹I said we'd stop by a little later我们再过去after they have their nap.好主意Good idea.睡醒精力比较足They'll be refreshed.吃曲奇吗Cookie?好谢谢Yeah. Thank you.不错啊Not bad.很好吃啊Yeah,very tasty.再说说那些老师的情况Well,so tell me more about these teachers.没什么了Not much to tell.她们开了辆大众车They had a VW microbus穿着扎染的感恩而死乐队T恤and were wearing tie-dyed Grateful Dead T-shirts. 美味曲奇Good cookies.这里乱得简直毫无编制体系而言I see no organizational system in here whatsoever. 你周一穿什么内裤Which panties do you wear on Mondays?我不要内裤I don't need panties.只要短裤和衬衫I just need shorts and a shirt.妈妈经常跟我说My mother always told me一个人要穿干净内裤one should wear clean underpants以防发生意外in case one is in an accident.我已经发生意外了One was already in an accident.那不表示不会再发生意外That doesn't mean one won't be in another, 尤其是我开车的情况下especially if I'm driving.拿衣服谢尔顿Clothes,Sheldon.-我要衣服-好啦- I need clothes! - Okay.给Here.不会吧这条裤子配这件上衣Seriously? Those shorts with that top?好吧All right.不行No.不行No.这件好看Oh,that's cute.一会儿该给你查查有没有脑震荡We should have you checked for a concussion. 好了Okay.你得帮我穿衣服Now,you got to help me put these on.-好吧-不许看啊- All right. - But don't look.-不许看? -我不想让你看我裸体- Don't look? - I don't want you to see me naked. 哦Oh.这可以理解Well,that's understandable.你或许会有兴趣知道You may be interested to know禁止看对方that a prohibition against looking早在英雄神话里就有确立is well established in heroic mythology.洛特王和他妻子珀尔修斯和美杜莎Uh,Lot and his wife,Perseus and Medusa,-奥菲士和欧律狄刻-知道啦- Orpheus and Eurydice... - Yeah,great.他们都看了They always look.结局都很不好It never ends well.好了现在帮我把手穿进袖子Okay. Now you got help me get my arm into the sleeve. 好的Okay.那是我的手臂吗Is that my arm?感觉不像手臂It doesn't feel like an arm.那你是不是该放手了Then,maybe you should let it go.好滴All righty.星星好漂漂啊Stars are pretty,aren't they?在那高高的地方Up above the world so high.像天上的小钻石Like little diamonds in the sky.太优美了兄弟That's beautiful,dude.你应该把这句话写下来You should... you should write that down 免得被人山寨了before someone steals it.流星雨什么时候来So,when do the meteors get here?不是流星雨来这里The meteors don't get here.是地球走到他们的轨道上了The Earth is moving into their path.我能感觉到I can feel it.我能感觉到地球在移动I can feel the Earth moving.移动得太快It's moving too fast.拉杰让地球慢点Raj,slow it down.行了现在如何Okay,how's that?好多了谢谢Better. Thanks.星星多漂漂啊Stars are pretty,aren't they?笑什么What's so funny?笑你的美国口音It's your American accent.你说的话都很傻逼Everything you say sounds stupid. 星星多漂漂啊"Stars are pretty,aren't they?"为准确起见我得告诉你For the record,I should let you know这是我第一次开真的汽车this is my first time driving an actual motor vehicle. 你有实习驾照吧You have your learner's permit,right?有我还在Yes,and I have logged模拟装置上开了很长时间a considerable number of hours on a simulator.-那就行-但效果不太好- Good. - Didn't work out well.-行了能开了吗-等一下- All right,can we please go? - One moment.驾驶培训书里说According to my driver's ed book,侧视镜的正确角度是the side mirror is properly adjusted调到能在镜子的右下角when the driver's door handle看到部分门把手is visible in the lower right corner.看到门拉手了There's the handle.不不太过了Oh,no,too far.往回一点点Bringing it back.这才正好Optimized.好调整副驾驶座Now,where is the switch后视镜的调节器呢to adjust the passenger side mirror? 就在这里It's right there.副驾驶座的后视镜在哪儿呢Where is the passenger side mirror? 在好莱坞的停车场时被撞掉了In a parking lot in Hollywood.-行行好我们能走了吗-好- Now,can we please go? - Yes.先等我调整好座椅As soon as I adjust my seat.噢老天Oh,dear.我又得重来一次I'm going to have to start again.如果我会说兔子的语言If I could speak the language of rabbits, 那就太美妙了我将成为兔王that will be amazed,I will be their king. 我讨厌我的名字I hate my name.读起来像个呆子It has "nerd" in it.莱呆子Len-nerd.我的第一次是和我的表姐珍妮I lost my virginity to my cousin Jeanie. 我会仁慈地对待我的兔民们I would be kind to my rabbit subjects. 当然只是开始而已At first.知道什么才叫酷名吗You know what's a cool name?安杰洛Angelo.有天使又有洁露果子冻That has angel and Jell-O in it.那是在我穆雷舅舅的葬礼上It was my Uncle Murray's funeral.我们在芭芭拉阿姨的房子后面We were all back at my Aunt Barbara's house.透过一条腌鲱鱼我们四目相接Our eyes locked over the pickled herring.我们本来没想着会发生关系的We never meant for it to happen.一天我为法国总统举办了一场盛大舞会One day,I hold a great ball for the President of France, 但是兔民们因为憎恨我而没来捧场but the rabbits-- they hate me and don't come.我极为尴尬于是我逼它们眼睁睁地看着I am embarrassed,so I eat all the lettuce in the world 我吃光世界上所有的莴苣and make them watch.别人可以昵称我安吉People could call me Angie.(史泰龙状) 哟安吉最近咋样(la Sylvester Stallone): Yo,Angie,how's it goin'? 直到如今每次一看到腌鲱鱼To this day,I can't look at pickled herring就会忍不住尴尬性奋without being aroused and ashamed.噢珍妮阿姐Oh! Cousin Jeanie.你就不能开快点吗Could you please drive a little faster?我觉得已经够快了Oh,I think we're going sufficiently fast.什么情况What's that?没事引擎时不时会这样Nothing. The engine does that sometimes.没事才怪It can't be nothing.检查引擎指示灯都亮了The check engine light is on.我们得去服务站We need to find a service station.自我买回这辆车这灯就一直亮着No. The light has been on since I bought the car.那就更应该去了All the more reason趁这车爆炸之前找维修师来处理to consult with a mechanic before it explodes.爆炸个鬼啊It's not going to explode.快开车Just keep driving.曲速前进史波克长官Warp speed ahead,Mr. Spock.史波克不是企业号的驾驶员Mr. Spock did not pilot the Enterprise.他是科学官还有我保证He was the science officer,and I guarantee you that只要他看到企业号的检查引擎指示灯if he ever saw the Enterprise's check engine light blinking, 闪那么一下他会立刻下令靠边停he would pull the ship over immediately.老天我的手臂完了Oh,God,I'm gonna lose the arm.红灯Oh,well,red light.先松开油门Release accelerator然后要慢慢地踩刹车and slowly apply... the... brake.搞定Nailed it.趁现在空着能问你个问题吗While we have a moment,may I ask you a question? 说What?你为什么在右屁股上Why do you have the Chinese character for soup 纹了个中国字"汤"的纹身tattooed on your right buttock?那不是"汤"It's not soup.是"勇"It's courage.才不是No,it isn't.但我猜想要表现出对汤的热忱But I suppose it does take courage还真是需要不少勇气to demonstrate that kind of commitment to soup. 你怎么会看到How did you see it?你说了不看的You said you wouldn't look.不好意思Sorry.正如我所说是英雄就偷窥As I told you,the hero always peeks.找到了吗Anything?没有你吃掉了最后一个布丁No. That was the last pudding cup.不No!史吉牌牛肉小吃呢(美国牛肉小吃品牌)What about Slim Jims?他刚才就着布丁吃光了忘了吗That's what he used to eat his pudding,remember?没错太美味了Right. That was so good!甜甜肉肉的混合口感真棒Sweety and meaty at the same time.等等你是说Wait. Wait,wait. So you're saying我们吃光食物了吗we're out of food?里面只剩下蓝色冰袋了The only thing in here are blue ice packs.虽然深知它们有毒I know they're poison,但还是像极了美味诱人的吸的冻but they look like big,yummy otter pops.老天爷我饿死了Oh,God,I am so hungry.我也是Me,too.再看看我们还有布丁没Check and see if we have any more pudding. 好吧Okay.好吧也没必要冲我吼吧All right,there's no need to bark at me.那位莫名暴躁的According to the inexplicably irritable nurse 接待护士说behind the desk,你排在那个声称自己you'll be seen after the man有心脏病的男人后面who claims to be having a heart attack,但在我看来他健康得很but appears to be well enough还能在他的iPhone上玩涂鸦跳跃呢to play Doodle Jump on his iPhone.我们得先填表格We have to fill these out."请描述病情和伤情情况""Describe illness or injury."肩膀脱臼I dislocated my shoulder.好吧All right.发生意外的原因And how did the accident occur?你不是已经知道了吗You already know that."意外原因""Cause of accident.""没有防滑小鸭""Lack of adhesive ducks."好了病史Okay,medical history.你有过糖尿病史吗"Have you ever been diagnosed with diabetes?" -没有-肾病呢- No. - Kidney disease?-没有-偏头痛- No. - Migraines?马上就有了Getting one.-你目前怀有身孕吗-没有- Are you currently pregnant? - No.确定吗你看起来可有点肥Are you sure? You look a bit puffy.偏头痛那里改成"是"Change migraine to yes.你上次生理期是什么时候"When was your last menstrual period?" 转下个问题Oh. Next question.我就写“生理期中”I'll put,"In progress."好了下面是精神疾病的问题Okay,moving to psychiatric disorders. 列出所有重大行为方面的病症"List all major behavioral diagnoses,例如沮丧焦虑等等"e.g. depression,anxiety,etcetera."天哪这些跟我这该死的肩膀Oh,my God,what the hell does this又有什么该死的关系have to do with my stupid shoulder?! 是否有以下精神疾病发作史"Episodes of sub psychotic rage."干Ass.可能患有吐雷氏症"Possible Tourette's."好了是否有痣斑病变或其他皮肤问题All right. "Moles,lesions or other skin conditions." 右边屁股纹了个"汤"字"Soup tattoo on right buttock."谢尔顿谢尔顿听我说Hey,Sheldon,Sheldon,look,我饱受惊吓而且疼得厉害I am scared and in a lot of pain.可不可以请你别这么自我Could you please take a break from being you for 让我缓口气再试着...just a minute and try being--怎么说呢安慰一下我I don't know-- comforting?抱歉I'm sorry.好了好了There,there.一切都会好起来的Everything's going to be fine.有我谢尔顿在Sheldon's here.谢谢这样好多了Thanks. That's much better.我饿死啦Oh,I'm so hungry!你闭嘴吧Will you shut up?我们都饿死了We're all hungry.好了我们的抢劫目标是Okay,our objective is东边那个童子军训练营地the Boy Scout campsite to the east.很好下手Easy target.手不能提的童军教练加上几个童军Big doughy scout master,couple of Cubs, 大多是幼童军mostly WeBeLos.具体抢啥东西呢What kind of score we looking at?热狗面包烤巧克力夹心饼Hot dogs,Buns,S'mores.那整个一便利商店嘛I mean,it's a freaking 7-11.好了大家都带上手电All right,everyone grab flashlights.天哪会是那个吗Oh,my God,could it be?太好了Yes!我妈妈在我包里放了鸡胸肉"爱心便当"My mother put an "I love you" brisket in my backpack. 快拿叉子Quick,get forks.不需要拿叉子You don't need forks.多嫩的鸡胸肉啊用手一撕就行了It's so tender,it falls apart in your hands.他说的没错He's right.我觉得我们好像忘了啥重要的事I feel like we're forgetting something important.我也是但是什么捏Me,too. But what?也许是忘了整整一盒的烤土豆和胡萝卜Maybe a Tupperware bowl of roasted potatoes and carrots? -太好了-太好了- Yes! - Yes!记住你刚吃了强力止痛药Now remember,you were given powerful pain medication 还有肌肉松弛剂and a muscle relaxer,所以千万别去操作重型机械so,uh,don't operate heavy machinery.小心别让自己口水噎到窒息Try not to choke on your own drool.等等你得哄我上床睡觉啊Wait.You have to help me get into bed.谢尔顿哄我睡觉Sheldon has to get me into bed.我猜你怎么都想不到我会说这话Bet you never thought I'd say that.是啊Yes.你服下的药物副作用有无限可能The charm of your drug-addled candor knows no bounds. 都说你跟个奇怪的机器人一样You know,people think you're this weird robot man一直都很烦人说得一点没错who's so annoying all the time,and you totally are.但现在你就像电影《瓦力》里结局那样But then it's like that movie Wall-E at the end.充满了爱心You're so full of love,简直能拯救整个一株植物and you can save a plant拯救那些陷入滑滑椅不能自拔的肥佬and get fat people out of the floaty chairs.你这个比喻相当不伦不类That's a fairly labored metaphor,不过对这故事隐含的观点我很欣赏but I appreciate the sentiment behind it.唱"乖乖猫"给我听Sing "Soft Kitty" to me."乖乖猫"是唱给生病的人的"Soft Kitty" is for when you're sick.你又没生病You're not sick.我受伤了还服了药就相当于生病Injured and drugged is a kind of sick. 乖乖猫暖暖猫小小毛绒球Soft kitty,warm kitty,little ball of fur... 等等Wait,wait.我们来唱和声吧Let's sing it as a round.我来起头I'll start.乖乖猫暖暖猫小小毛绒球Soft kitty,warm kitty,little ball of fur... 我唱到这儿你该加进来唱了So,that's where you come in.我再从头唱起I'll start over.乖乖猫暖暖猫小小毛绒球Soft kitty,warm kitty,little ball of fur... 谢尔顿我有一整晚跟你耗哦I've got all night,Sheldon.乖乖猫暖暖猫小小毛绒球Soft kitty,warm kitty,little ball of fur...乖乖猫暖暖猫小小毛绒球Soft kitty,warm kitty,little ball of fur...快乐猫瞌睡猫Happy kitty,sleepy kitty快乐猫瞌睡猫Happy kitty,sleepy kitty呜呜呜[猫满足时呜呜的叫声]Purr,purr,purr呜呜呜Purr,purr,purr.第二天早上他醒了过来...And the next morning when he woke up, 翻了个身他意识到...he rolled over and realized...那是她表妹...she was his cousin.还是不好笑That's still not funny.还是不好笑That's still not funny.再说她是我的远房表妹And she was my second cousin.再说她是我的远房表妹And she was my second cousin.你真是脑残You're a real douche.随你说好了反正你跟自个儿表妹上床了Who cares? You slept with your cousin.。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E14–The Einstein ApproximationScene: The apartment. Sheldon is stood in the middle of the room. His whiteboard is behind him. Every few moments he turns round suddently.Penny: Whatcha doing?Sheldon:I’m attempting to vi ew my work as a fleeting peripheral image so as to engage the superior colliculus of my brain.Penny:Interesting. I usually just have coffee. You’ve been up all night?Sheldon: Is it morning?Penny: Yes.Sheldon:Then I’ve been up all night.Penny: And yo u’re stuck?Sheldon: Why else would a person try to engage their superior colliculus?Penny:Oh, sorry, sweetie, I can’t help you till I’ve had my coffee.Leonard: Penny, I told you if you don’t put him in his crate at night he just runs around the apartme nt. Penny: What is he doing now?Leonard:Mmm, he’s either isolating the terms of his formula and examining them individually, or looking for the alligator that swallowed his hand after Peter Pan cut it off.Sheldon:Captain Hook’s hand was eaten by a crocodile, not an alligator. If you’re going to mock me, at least get your facts straight.Leonard: Aye, aye, Captain.Sheldon:I can’t see it! It just won’t coalesce.Leonard: Maybe you need a fresh start.Sheldon: You’re right. (Takes whiteboard to window and throws it out. Picks up a new one) It’s a great idea, Leonard. Thank you.Credits sequence.Scene: The cafeteria.Sheldon:Electrons move through graphene, act as if they have no mass…Howard: How long has he been stuck?Leonard: Intellectually about 30 hours. Emotionally about 29 years.Sheldon: Unit cell contains two carbon atoms. Interior angle of a hexagon is 120 degrees.Howard: Have you tried rebooting him?Leonard:No, I think it’s a firmware problem.Raj (arriving): Hey, it’s Disco Night at the Moonlight Roller Rink in Glendale tonight. Who’s up for getting down?Howard: Oh, that’s perfect. Bernadette’s been hocking me to take her roller skating.Leonard: I think Penny likes to skate. The four of us could double.Howard: What could be better? We’re in.Raj:Great. It’s not like I brought it up because I wanted to go.Howard: You can come with us.Raj: No, it’s okay. I don’t have to go. I’m happy just to guide you and your ladies to suitable entertainment choices. I’m a walking brown .Sheldon:Structure, constant structure. One atom…Howard:Boy, he’s really gone, isn’t he?Leonard: Yeah, this morning he used a stick of butter as deodorant.Howard: I thought I smelled popcorn.Sheldon: Pattern is the same as fermions, travels on the pathway s, hexagonal, it’s always hexagonal…Leonard:I haven’t seen him this stuck since he tried to figure out the third Matrix movie.Raj (as Sheldon reaches out and grabs from his plate): Hey, those are my lima beans!Sheldon: Not lima beans, carbon atoms.Raj:But if I don’t eat my lima beans, I can’t have my cookie.Leonard: Here, you want my peas?Sheldon: Peas! Perfect, they can be electrons.Howard: Want my corn?Sheldon:Don’t be ridiculous. What would I do with corn?Leonard: So roller skating, should we all grab a bite to eat first?Howard:Good. P.F. Chang’s? My mom has coupons.Leonard:Great. Your mom’s not coming, right?Howard: Not this time, I promise.Raj: Okay, just to be clear, roller skating was my idea, and I’m very unhappy that you turned it into a double date, and I hope you both fall on your asses and break your coccyxes.Sheldon: T he plural of coccyx is coccyges.Raj: Screw you. Give me back my lima beans.Scene: The stairwell.Bernadette: Oh, my God, have you ever been so embarrassed?Penny: Not recently.Bernadette:I don’t know which was lamer, their roller-skating or their disco dancing.Penny: For me, the worst part was when people saw us leave with them.Leonard: You had some nice moves out there, Howard.Howard: Thanks. You, too.Leonard: Yeah. Did you notice all the people looking at us?Howard: Not really. I was in my boogie zone.Bernadette: When Howard tried to do the splits…Penny: Shh.Leonard: Sorry. I’m moving a little slow. I think I bruised my coccyx.Penny: Oh, poor baby.Leonard:Don’t tell Koothrappali. After you.Penny: Oh, what a gentleman. Hey, Sheldon. (Steps on marbles which are all over the floor, screams and falls)Leonard:Oh, my God! Are you… (falls as well)Sheldon:Good Lord! You’re ruining everything!Penny: Oh, damn.Leonard: Are you okay?Penny: Do I look okay?Leonard: Don’t bark at me. I fell, too.Penny:Oh, you’ve been falling all night. You’re used to it.Howard: Sheldon, what the hell are you doing?Sheldon:The same thing I’ve been doing for three days. Trying to figure out why electrons behave as if they have no mass when travelling through a graphene sheet.Bernadette: With marbles?Sheldon:Well, I needed something bigger than peas, now, didn’t I?Bernadette: Sheldon, when was the last time you got any sleep?Sheldon: I don’t know, two, three days. Not important. I don’t need sleep, I need answers. I need to determine where in this swamp of unbalanced formulas squatteth the toad of truth.Penny: Toad of truth? Is that a physics thing?Leonard: No, that’s a crazy thing.Bernadette: Okay, Sheldon. What happens to our neuroreceptors when we don’t get enough REM sleep? Sheldon: They lose their sensitivity to serotonin and norepinephrine.Bernadette: Which leads to…?Sheldon: Impaired cognitive function.Bernadette: Right, so march in there, brush your teeth and go to bed.Sheldon:But I don’t want to go to bed.Bernadette: I’m going to count to three. One…Sheldon: Oh, all right.Leonard: That was amazing how you handled him.Bernadette: I know how to deal with stubborn children. My mother used to run an illegal day care centre in our basement.Scene: Leonard’s bedroom.Penny:Leonard, you’re… you’re giggling in your sleep.Leonard: I t’s not me, it’s my new ringtone. The Joker from Batman.Penny: Well, it creeps me out.Leonard: Me, too, but I paid three bucks for it.Penny: Just answer the phone.Leonard: Hello. Yeah, I’m Leonard Hofstadter. Yeah, yeah, he’s my roommate. Oh, God, is he okay? Yeah, alright, alright, I’ll be right there.Penny: What happened?Leonard:Sheldon’s escaped and is terrorizing the village.Penny: Okay. Have fun.Scene: A children’s play area.Leonard:Hi. I’m Dr. Hofstadter. Where is he?Security Guard: Ball pit.Leonard: Thanks for not calling the cops.Security Guard: Oh, hey, it’s no big deal. My sister’s got a kid who’s special.Leonard: Yeah, well, he’s extra special. Hey, Shelly. What you doing?Sheldon:Size ratio was all wrong. Couldn’t visualize it. Needed bigger carbon atoms.Leonard: Sure, sure. How did you get into this place?Sheldon: Back door has a five-pin tumbler system, single-circuit alarm. Child’s play. You can start sorting protons and neutrons while I build carbon atoms.Leonard: No, I don’t think so. We need to go home now.Sheldon:But I’m still working.Leonard:If you don’t come out of there, I’m going to have to drag you out.Sheldon: You can try, but you’ll never catch me. (He disappears under the balls)Leonard: For God’s sakes. Sheldon, come here!Sheldon (popping his head up): Bazinga. (Disappears, pops up in another place) Bazinga. (And again) Bazinga. (And again) Bazinga. (And again) Bazinga.Scene: Leonard’s bedroom. Sheldon is standing over their bed. He knocks on the wall.Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Leonard and Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Leonard and Penny.Leonard(Waking up as Penny screams): What! What, what, what?Sheldon:(Knock, knock, knock) Leonard and Penny.Leonard: What?Sheldon: I have good news.Leonard: And you had to barge in here and wake us up in the middle of the night?Sheldon: Your cell phone was off.Leonard:Because we didn’t want to be disturbed.Sheldon:And that didn’t work out, did it?Penny: Sheldon, what do you want?Sheldon: I came to tell you I’ve got the answer.Leonard: Really? You figured out the graphene problem?Sheldon:No, no, I’m still hopelessly stuck on that, but I figured out how to figure it out.Penny: Hey, you know what, Leonard, I know I said I could handle your roommate, but I was wrong. We’re going to have to break up.Leonard: What are you talking about?Penny(as Sheldon sits on the bed): Oh.Sheldon: Einstein.Leonard:Yeah, I’m going to need a little more.Sheldon: Albert Einstein.Leonard: Keep going.Sheldon: When Albert Einstein came up with special relativity, he was working at the patent office. Leonard:So, you’re going to go work at the patent office?Sheldon: Don’t be absurd. That’s in Washington. You know I could never live in a city whose streets are laid out in a wheel-and-spoke pattern. No. I’m going to find a similarly menial job where my basal ganglia are occupied with a routine task, freeing my prefrontal cortex to work quietly in the background on my problem. Leonard: Sounds like a great plan.Sheldon: Of course it is. Even talking to you is sufficiently menial that I can feel the proverbial juices starting to flow.Leonard: Okay, well, thanks for sharing with us. Good night.Sheldon:You’re welcome. Good night to you, too. Oh, by the way, I was watching you sleep for a moment, and I noticed that your snoring seems to be worse when yo u’re on your back.Penny:Leonard doesn’t snore.Sheldon: No, I wasn’t talking to Leonard.Leonard: Told you.Scene: An employment officeEmployment Office Assistant: So, Mr. Cooper, you’re looking for a job.Sheldon: A menial job. Like yours.Assistant: Why, thank you for noticing. I’m Menial Employee of the Month. Do you have a particular field in mind?Sheldon: I do. For thousands of years, the lowest classes of the human race have spent their lives labouring to erect monuments under the lash of their betters, until finally they dropped down and became one with the dust through which they trudged. Do you have anything like that?Assistant: No.Sheldon:Shouldn’t you check your database?Assistant (clicks her keyboard a few times): No.Sheldon:You didn’t really type.Assistant: I didn’t really have to. So, how about construction?Sheldon: Oh, that would be good! Sawing, hammering, eating out of a lunch pail as my working-class fellows and I sit perched precariously on a girder high above the metropolis.Assistant: No, no. This is putting up sheetrock at a housing project in Rosemead.Sheldon: I could do that.Assistant: Good.Sheldon: One question.Assistant: Yes?Sheldon: What’s sheetrock?Assistant: Moving on. How about doing deliveries for a florist?Sheldon: That seems acceptable.Assistant: Do you have your own car?Sheldon: I don’t drive.Assistant: Of course you don’t. Mr. Cooper, let me just ask you a question. What was your last job? Sheldon: Senior theoretical particle physicist at CalTech, focusi ng on M theory, or, in layman’s terms, string theory.Assistant: I see. Just give me a second. Security!Scene: The Cheesecake Factory.Penny: Okay, I’ll get those drinks started for you.Sheldon (appearing in an apron and carrying a tray): Behind you.Penny: Sheldon, what the hell are you doing?Sheldon:I’m trying to get these tables cleared. We’re slammed.Penny: No, wait, wait, no, wait. Wh.. what are you doing here?Sheldon: A reasonable question. I asked myself, what is the most mind-numbing, pedestrian job conceivable, and three answers came to mind, uh, toll booth attendant, an Apple Store genius, and what Penny does. Now, since I don’t like touching other people’s coins, and I refuse to contribute to the devaluation of the word genius, here I am.Penny: You just, you just walked in and they hired you, just like that?Sheldon:Oh, heavens, no. Since I don’t need to be paid, I didn’t need to be hired. I simply came in, picked up a tray, and started working for the man. Let me get that plate out of your way.Penny: Sheldon, this is ridiculous.Sheldon: Is it? Just a moment ago I had a minor epiphany regarding the polymer degradation phenomenon while scraping congealed nachos off a plate. Bernadette, table 10 wants their check.Bernadette: Thanks, Sheldon.Penny: Sheldon, wait, this isn’t even what I do. I’m a waitress, not a busboy.Sheldon: You’re right. That is more menial. Hello, I’m Sheldon. I’ll be your server today. I don’t recommend the salmon. I saw it in the kitchen.Scene: The same, later.Sheldon: All right, one bacon cheeseburger, breaking two Jewish dietary restrictions simultaneously, kudos. Beer-battered fish and chips. Now, here’s your tartar sauce. I also brought you salsa. It’s a little unconventional, but I think you’ll like it. It’s z ingy. And for you, Factory Burrito Grande, no cheese, no sour cream, no ugly consequences from your lactose intolerance. Bon appétit.Leonard: Hang on. Black beans, not pinto beans?Sheldon: Yes.Leonard: Double guacamole?Sheldon: Of course.Leonard: No cilantro?Sheldon: Nope.Leonard: Lettuce shredded, not chopped?Sheldon: Yep.Leonard: You understand why I’m doing this to you?Sheldon: I do.Leonard:That’ll be all. That was fun.Raj: How long can he keep this up?Leonard: I heard about this professor at MIT who melted down, bought a van, and spent the rest of his life as a mobile dog groomer.Raj: He never went back to the university?Leonard: Only to shampoo Professor Chambourg’s shih tzu.Raj: Sheesh.Howard: I bet if we all chipped in, we could buy Sheldon a van.Raj:But he’s afraid of dogs.Leonard:Yeah, that’s the only thing wrong with that plan.Penny:Hey, guys, sorry you had to wait, but we are swamped. What’s this?Leonard: Sheldon took our order.Penny: Sheldon doesn’t work here.Leonard: We ll, honey, not to complain, but we were starting to think you didn’t either.Sheldon (drops tray. A nearby table claps): Is that really necessary? Good Lord. The interference pattern in the fracture. The motion of the wave through the molecular structure. I’ve been looking at it all wrong. I can’t consider the electrons as particles. They move through the graphene as a wave. It’s a wave! The moment to applaud would be now. Troglodytes.Penny:Sheldon, where are you going? Aren’t you going to clean this up?Sheldon: I’m sorry. I don’t work here.Scene: The roller disco.Howard: Happy now?Raj: I’m on a cloud. Swing me. (Howard swings Raj several times.)Scene: The ball pit, presumably earlier.Leonard: Sheldon, come here.(Sheldon once again keeps popping up his head and shouting “Bazinga” as Leonard flails around trying to catch him.)。

生活与哲学综合测试(90分钟，100分)第Ⅰ卷(选择题，共60分)一、选择题(在每小题列出的四个选项中，只有一项是最符合题目要求的，每小题4分，共60分)1．希格斯玻色子，是粒子物理学标准模型预言的一种自旋为零的玻色子。

因为它极难发现，所以被称为“上帝粒子”。

2012年7月4日，欧洲核子研究中心宣布，他们发现了疑似“上帝粒子”——希格斯玻色子(万物质量之源)的新粒子。

从统计学的角度看，这一发现的可信度达99.999 94%。

材料表明( )①客观唯心主义有科学根据②思维与存在具有同一性③统计概率的大小是判断认识正确与否的依据④世界的统一性在于它的物质性A．①④B．①③C．②④D．③④解析：发现“上帝粒子”，说明了人能够正确的反映客观存在，进一步证实了世界的物质性，题干表明了唯物主义观点，故选出C项，不选①。

实践是判断认识正确与否的标准，排除③。

答案：C2．发展中国特色社会主义，必须结合我国实际和时代特点，建设具有中国特色、中国风格、中国气派的哲学社会科学，使之更好地发挥认识世界、传承文明、创新理论、咨政育人、服务社会的重要功能。

这表现为真正的哲学( )A．正确反映了时代的特点和要求，是认识和改造世界的有力工具B．是对社会生活的总结和升华，可以预见和指明社会的前进方向C．牢牢地把握住了时代的脉搏，为社会变革提供巨大的物质力量D．是“科学之科学”，可以为具体科学提供世界观和方法论的指导解析：真正的哲学是时代精神的精华，把握时代的脉搏，建设具有中国特色、中国风格、中国气派的哲学社会科学，体现了真正哲学的特点，故选出A项。

真正的哲学是社会变革的先导，提供了精神力量，排除C项。

哲学不能称为“科学之科学”，故排除D项。

B项与题意无关。

答案：A3．中国式过马路，是指部分中国人集体闯红灯的一种现象，即凑够一撮人就可以走，和红绿灯无关。

有人表示：“斑马线存在与否，取决于大家的目的。

”与此观点相通的是( )A．子不语怪力乱神B．未有此气，先有此理C．形者神之质，神者形之用D．存在即是被感知解析：题中观点以人的主观愿望为出发点，是主观唯心主义，故D项符合题意。