生活大爆炸第三季剧本DOCS3E15

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E20 – The Spaghetti CatalystScene: The lobby.Penny: Oh, damn, they cancelled my Visa. Oh, yay, a new MasterCard!Sheldon: Uh-oh.Penny: What?Sheldon: I was going to get my mail.Penny: Okay. Are, are you hoping to get it telepathically?Sheldon: I think you mean telekinetically. And no, I just wasn’t sure of the proper protocol now that you and Leonard are no longer having coitus.Penny: God, can we please just say no longer seeing each other?Sheldon: Well, we could if it were true. But as you live in the same building, you see each other all the time. The variable which has changed is the coitus.Penny: Okay, here’s the protocol, you and I are still friends, and you stop saying coitus.Sheldon: Good, good. I’m glad we’re still friends.Penny: Really?Sheldon: Oh, yes. It was a lot of work to accommodate you in my life. I’d hate for that effort to have been in vain.Penny: Right.Sheldon: Just to be clear do I have to stop saying coitus with everyone or just you?Penny: Everyone.Sheldon: Harsh terms. But all right, I’ll just substitute intercourse.Penny: Great.Sheldon: Or fornication. Yeah. But that has judgmental overtones, so I’ll hold that in reserve.Penny: So, how you been?Sheldon: Well, my existence is a continuum, so I’ve been what I am at each point in the implied time period. Penny: You’re just coitusing with me, aren’t you?Sheldon: Bazinga.Penny: Mmm. How’s Leonard doing?Sheldon: He seems all right. Although he does spend a disturbing amount of time looking at photographs of you and smelling the pillow you slept on. Oh, but now that I think of it, he asked me not to tell you that. Penny: I’ll pretend I didn’t hear it.Sheldon: I’d rather you pretend I didn’t say it. I see you bought Mama Italia marinara spaghe tti sauce. Penny: Yep.Sheldon: That’s the sauce my mother uses. She likes cooking Italian because according to her, that’s what the Romans made Jesus eat.Penny: Interesting. I’ll have to have you over for spaghetti some night.Sheldon: I’m hungry now.Penny: Oh. Um, okay. Why don’t you give me an hour and come over?Sheldon: Will you cut up hot dogs into little chunks and mix them in with the sauce?Penny: I don’t have hot dogs.Sheldon: Oh, it’s all right, I do. Oh! You’re in for what my mother calls a r eal Eye-talian treat. (Enters apartment).Leonard: Hey, where you been?Sheldon: I was talking with Penny.Howard: What’s wrong with you? You can’t hang out with your roommate’s ex. That’s totally uncool.Leonard: No, no, it’s fine. I don’t care. I’m over it.Raj: Yeah, he’s over it, that’s why he’s been whining all day about trying to invent that memory-wiper gizmo from Men in Black.Sheldon: Is he making any progress? Because I’d like to erase Ben Affleck as Daredevil.Howard: So would Ben Affleck. The po int is, in a situation like this you got to pick sides. You’re either on Team Leonard or Team Penny.Sheldon: Which one picks last?Howard: What?Sheldon: Well, usually I’m on the team that picks last. Unless there’s a kid in a wheelchair.Leonard: Sheldon, I got you your tangerine chicken. I hope you’re hungry.Sheldon: Well, of course I’m hungry. And as I have no plans to eat with any other team, I will consume my tangerine chicken with the appropriate gusto. Mm, mm, mm!Leonard: Okay.Sheldon: Just out of curiosity, do we still have hot dogs?Leonard: I don’t know. Why?Sheldon: Just making dinner conversation. Go, Team Leonard!Credits sequenceScene: A few moments later.Howard: Oh, God, this is good.Raj: Let me ask you a question. Do you believe you’re going to go to hell for eating sweet and sour pork? Howard: Jews don’t have hell. We have acid reflux.Leonard: Do you want the last dumpling, Sheldon?Sheldon: Certainly. It’s not like I have to moderate my food intake because I’m planning on eating ag ain very shortly. Mm, mm, mm!Leonard: So, you guys want to do something tonight?Howard: Nah, I can’t. I got to pick up my mom from her water aerobics class. 18 overweight women flapping their arm fat in a swimming pool. Looks like the manatee tank at Sea World.Leonard: What about you, Raj?Raj: Oh, there it is, now that you don’t have a girlfriend, you want to hang out with me again.Leonard: I never stopped hanging out with you.Raj: Oh, please, we all know I’m the friend you call when you have no other options. If we were the Justice League, I’d be Aquaman.Howard: I wish you were Aquaman. Then I could send you to scoop my mom out of the old lady tank. Sheldon: Excuse me, I’m thirsty, so I’m going to go to the refrigerator and get myself a refreshing be verage. Leonard:You know what? I’ll just spend the evening alone.Raj: What, suddenly I’m not good enough for you?Sheldon: Ah, I do so love beverages. Now I think I’ll take my after-dinner walk.Leonard: Since when do you take after-dinner walks?Howard: Yeah, since when do you take walks?Sheldon: I read a study online that walking after a meal not only aids in digestion, but increases serotonin, and you know me, if there’s one thing I like more than a refreshing beverage, it’s serotonin. Bye-bye. Howard: Hold on. I’ll walk down with you.Sheldon: Oh, that’s not necessary. You can go first.Howard: Or we could go together.Sheldon: I can’t think of a reason why not.Howard: Let’s go.Sheldon: Hold on. Nope, no reason.Raj: I’ve missed you.Scene: The lobby.Sheldon: All right, say hello to your mother for me.Howard: Okay.Sheldon: What?Howard: You said you were going for a walk.Sheldon: I didn’t say outside.Howard:So what, you’re just gonna walk up and down the stairs?Sheldon: No, of course not. That would be odd and suspicious behavior.Woman’s voice: Here Bubbles. Here boy.Howard: Which way are you going?Sheldon: Which way are you going?Howard: I parked my scooter down the block.Sheldon:I’m going the other way. Bye.Howard: Bye. Actually, I’m this way. Do I smell hot dogs?Sheldon: No. I mean, I have no idea what you smell.Howard: I definitely smell raw hot dog.Sheldon:Perhaps you’re getting a brain tumour.Howard: All right, have a nice walk.Sheldon: I shall. Have a nice scoot.Howard: You might want to stand back. I’m sitting on top of 13 horses here.Sheldon: Oh. Hello, doggie. Nice doggie. I bet you think you smell hot dogs. Look, a cat!Scene: Penny’s apartment.Sheldon:(Knock, knock, knock) Penny, (knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Long pause, knock, knock, knock) Penny.(Penny opens door. A dishevelled Sheldon is holding up one hot dog.) Here. I had to trade the others for my life.Scene: The apartment.Raj: Hey, Leonard?Leonard: Yeah?Raj:I haven’t had sex in a year.Leonard: Where you going with this, Raj?Raj:Don’t flatter yourself, dude. I want to go out and meet a woman.Leonard: So, go.Raj: Well, I need a wingman. I don’t want to come off like a lonely loser.Leonard: And you think my presence will help with that?Raj: Well, I d o. Next to you, I’ll look like a catch.Leonard: I’m not going out tonight, Raj.Raj: All right. Would you mind if I went to your room and downloaded some Asian pornography? Leonard: Very much.Raj: Doesn’t have to be Asian.Leonard:Don’t worry. You’ll me et a girl someday.Raj:No, I won’t.Leonard: Yes, you will, and she’ll be beautiful, and kind and sexy and funny and everything you ever wanted in a woman.Raj: You really think so?Leonard: I do, and you’ll fall hopelessly in love and give her your heart. And she’ll take it and grind it into pathetic, little pieces.Raj:But we’ll have sex first, right?Scene: Penny’s apartment.Sheldon: Mmm, mmm, mmm. That’s Eye-talian.Penny: So, um, was Leonard okay with you coming over?Sheldon: Oh, yes. In fact, he said, I’m fine, I don’t care. And he in no way said it in a manner which would lead one to believe that he was covering up feelings of anguish and betrayal.Penny: Well, good.Sheldon:I’m also pleased to report that he’s all cried out over you.Penny: He’s been crying?Sheldon: Oh, I believe that was something else I wasn’t supposed to mention.Penny: Oh, God, I feel terrible.Sheldon: Do you have a stomach ache, too?Penny: No. Why, do you?Sheldon: No.Penny: Why did you ask if I had one, too?Sheldon: Just making polite dinner conversation. Your turn.Penny: All right. So, what’s new in your life?Sheldon: Well, my new shoes are not made for running.Penny: Have you been running?Sheldon:No. It’s just a suspicion I have. Mmm, mmm, mmm.Penny: I’m so gla d you like it.Sheldon: I do. Leonard never cooks for me.Penny:Well, maybe that’s ’cause Leonard can’t cook.Sheldon:You can’t cook and you made me this.Penny:Whatever. Ooh, I’m gonna get the cheesecake out of the fridge.Sheldon:Oh, Lord, I’m in Jew ish hell.Scene: The apartment.Raj:Look at this. Do you think she’s really doing that or is it PhotoShop?Leonard: I’m pretty sure Martha Stewart never got naked with a room full of big, fat Japanese guys.Raj:You don’t know that. Prison changes people.Leonard: Hey, where you been?Sheldon: I told you, walking.Leonard: For an hour and a half?Sheldon: I got lost.Leonard: How could you get lost? Your phone has GPS.Sheldon: Satellites are down. Solar flares.Raj: There are no solar flares right now.Sheldon: Yes, there are.Raj: Dude, I’m an astrophysicist. If there were solar flares, I’d be all up in it.Sheldon:I’m sorry. I misspoke. What I meant to say was my battery died.Leonard: What the hell was that about?Raj:I don’t know. Do you think this is really Hillary Clinton doing it with Oprah?Leonard: Oh, we really need to get you a girl.Scene: Leonard’s bedroom. Leonard is asleep.Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (knock, knock, knock) Leonard. Leonard: Oh, just come in!Sheldon: Thanks for seeing me on such short notice.Leonard: What do you want, Sheldon?Sheldon:Maybe this isn’t a good time.Leonard: Tell me why you woke me up or I swear to God I will kill you.Sheldon: Do you really think death threats are an appropriate way to begin this conversation? Sometimes your lack of social skills astonishes me.Leonard: What do you want?Sheldon: You may want to sit down.Leonard:I’m in bed!Sheldon: Point taken. You may want to sit up.Leonard: Sheldon!Sheldon:I’ve been seeing Penny behind your back.Leonard: Okay, when you say seeing Penny, what exactly does that mean?Sheldon: We had dinner last night. She made me spaghetti with little hot dogs cut up in it. Well, little hot dog. I gave up the other five hot dogs to a real dog. A real, big dog. A hell hound. Tangential to the primary story. How about I circle back to it?Leonard: Fine. Why did you have dinner with Penny?Sheldon: I told you, she made spaghetti with little hot dogs. I like spaghetti with little hot dogs.Leonard: Then why did you have Chinese food with us?Sheldon:I didn’t want to upset you. Howard made it very clear that my allegiance should be to male comrades before women who sell their bodies for money.Leonard: Is it possible he said Bros before Hos?Sheldon: Yes, but I rephrased it to avoid offending the hos.Leonard: Sheldon, I don’t care if you want to be friends with Penny.Sheldon: Oh. Well, so the emotional turmoil that’s been keeping me from achieving REM sleep was entirely unjustified?Leonard: Yes.Sheldon: Well then as my meemaw would say, looks like we butchered a pig, but nobody wanted bacon. Leonard: I guess not.Sheldon: And now, as promised, the tangent. Sheldon and the Hell Hound, or How I Lost My Hot Dogs.Scene: The laundry room.Penny: Oh, um, I, I can come back.Leonard: D-don’t be silly. We’re neighbours, we’re going to run into each other, may as well get used to it. Penny: Yeah, I guess you’re right.Leonard: You used to it yet?Penny: Nope.Leonard: Me neither. Oh, Sheldon seemed think that I would be upset about you hanging out with him. But I just want you to know it’s fine.Penny: Oh, oh, good, because, um, his mother called me.Leonard: His mother?Penny: Yeah, she wants me to take him shopping for sheets and towels.Leonard: I was going to do that.Penny: Oh, well, then you, you do it.Leonard:No, I don’t want to do it. You can do it.Penny: Okay, you can take him for shoes.Leonard: I just took him for shoes.Penny: Well, all I know is he says they hurt his feet.Leonard:Fine. I’ll take him for shoes next Saturday.Penny: Oh, no, no, no, a bunch of us from work are going to Disneyland next Saturday and Sheldon wants to come.Leonard: Y ou’re taking him to Disneyland?Penny: Well, he heard me making plans on the phone. Was I going to say no?Leonard:All right. But let me know if you’re going to stuff him with junk food. I don’t want to bring home a nice dinner for him and see it go to waste.Penny: We’re going to Disneyland. He’s going to eat junk food.Leonard: Al l I’m saying is give me a heads-up.Penny: Okay, whatever.Leonard:And don’t let him go on Space Mountain after he eats. He’ll say he can handle it, but I promise you’ll end up with churro puke on your shoes.Penny: All right, got it. Is there anything else?Leonard:Yeah, don’t let Goofy near him. He’ll have nightmares and I’ll have to deal with it.Penny: What’s the problem with Goofy?Leonard: Wish I knew. He’s fine with Pluto.Scene: The apartment.Raj: Hey, do you think the elastic woman in The Incredibles needs to use birth control or can she just be a diaphragm?Howard: Well, that’s it. We’re officially out of things to talk about.Penny:We’re home.Leonard: It’s ten o’clock, where have you been?Sheldon: We stayed for the California Adventure water show. It was pure Disney magic.Leonard: I was going to see that with him.Penny: How was I supposed to know that?Sheldon:It’s all right. I’ll see it again with you.Leonard: And I have food here. You said you were going to call.Penny: I know, I know.Sheldon: I can still eat.Penny: No, you already threw up once. Go put on your PJs and brush your teeth.Sheldon:Okay, but just don’t fightLeonard: We’re not fighting.Penny: Just go.Leonard: Aren’t you going to thank Penny for taking you to Disneylan d?Sheldon: Thank you, Penny.Penny:You’re welcome, sweetie.Leonard: Want a cup of coffee?Penny: Oh, um, I should probably get going.Leonard:Come on. It’s just a cup of coffee.Penny: Yep, okay.Howard (to Raj, who has whispered to him): Oh, yeah, the whole thing seems a little twisted to me, too. Leonard: What am I smelling?Penny: Sheldon’s churro on my shoes.Scene: Sheldon’s bedroom.Penny:He’s such an angel when he’s asleep.Leonard: Yeah. Shame he has to wake up.Penny: I think we can do it.Leonard:Smother Sheldon in his sleep? Wouldn’t that be wrong?Penny: No, be friends. You and me.Leonard: Oh. Sure. Absolutely.Penny:Good. I’m glad.Leonard: Here’s an idea. I’m just throwing it out there, friends who have sex. Penny: Good night, Leonard.Leonard:Kidding. Just a couple of friends goofin’ around.Sheldon(in his sleep): No, Goofy, no.。

莱纳德看我的Hey, Leonard, check this out.莱纳德她又来了Leonard, she's doing it again.我觉得你调戏食物会让谢尔顿郁闷I think it upsets Sheldon when you play with the food. 不应该是她从碗里随便拿起食物No. It upsets Sheldon when she willy-nilly takes it而不顾还要平均分配的问题时from the containers without regard让谢尔顿很郁闷for its equitable distribution.这就是印度有饥荒的根本原因This is essentially why you have famine in India.你要我吐回去吗You want me to put it back?莱纳德Leonard.当你调戏谢尔顿时会让谢尔顿郁闷It upsets Sheldon when you play with the Sheldon.怎么样啊我亲爱的呆瓜们What's up, my nerdizzles?拉杰谢尔顿Raj, Sheldon,我想将我的女朋友伯纳黛特引见与你们I want you to meet my girlfriend Bernadette. 你好莱纳德佩妮Hello. Leonard, Penny,你们认识我的女友伯纳黛特的you know my girlfriend Bernadette.-嗯-嗨- Yeah. - Hey.伯纳黛特跟呆瓜们说绝对的Bernadette, say fo'shizzle to my nerdizzles. 我不能这么说I don't think I can.我没有霍华德那种街头痞子风I don't have Howard's street cred.我希望这没造成问题I hope it's all right--我跟我的女朋友伯纳黛特说I told my girlfriend Bernadette她可以跟我们共进晚餐she could join us for dinner.当然可以人多乐趣多Sure. The more, the merrier.不对这是个错误的对等关系Wa-- no, that's a false equivalency.人多不等于乐趣多More does not equal merry.如果这公寓里现在有两千人If there were 2,000 people in this apartment right now, 那我们会很开心吗不我们会窒息而死would we be celebrating? No, we'd be suffocating.-谢尔顿-别郁闷我- Sheldon... - Don't "Sheldon" me.我们定的是五人份不是六人We ordered for five people, not six.来不没事儿的Oh, come on, it's fine.我们全部摊在桌上分享就好就像家庭聚餐式的We'll just put it all on the table, you know, family style. 噢那是当我们家庭聚餐时Oh, sure. And while we're at it,为什么不把手背到背后why don't we put our hands behind our backs,来个老式的进食大赛呢have an old-fashioned eating contest?放轻松没事儿的Relax, it'll be fine.做吧你们Sit down, you guys.别别别No! No! No!怎么了What?!对了你不能坐那儿Oh, yeah, you can't sit there.为什么不能Why not?那是谢尔顿的专属座位That's where Sheldon sits.他不能坐其他地方吗He can't sit somewhere else?不不不你看啊在冬天呢No, no, no-- you see, in the winter,这个座位与暖气片的距离足够让他保持温暖that seat is close enough to the radiator so that he's warm,但又不会太近以至于出汗yet not so close that he sweats.而在夏天这个位置又正好处在In the summer, it's directly in the path of由这个和那个窗口之间对流所产生的微风之中a cross-breeze created by opening windows there and there. 这儿的角度并不是直接面朝电视It faces the television at an angle that isn't direct,所以他还能跟所有人交谈so he can still talk to everybody,同时又不会太偏导致画面失真yet not so wide that the picture looks distorted.看来你还是有那么点指望的嘛Perhaps there's hope for you after all.喔我喜欢你的鞋子Ooh, I love your shoes.谢谢Oh, thanks.很可爱不是吗They are cute, aren't they?-你在哪儿买到的-实惠鞋店- Where'd you get them? - Shoes for Less.我正有此意要去那儿I've been meaning to go over there. 东西很多价格也便宜Oh, great selection, great prices.我娘说的对确实有地狱My mother was right. Hell is real. 别这样谢尔顿Come on, Sheldon.让妇女们聊吧Let the womenfolk chat.妇女Womenfolk?少女Gals?妞儿Chicks?有子宫的美国人Utero-Americans?吃你的饭吧Just eat your dinner.别太跟他较真儿Don't take him too seriously.他说的很多话本是故意为了幽默一下的A lot of what he says is intended as humor.是啊但我一点也不觉得有趣Yeah, well, I don't think it's very funny.我也是但是我一笑他就灿烂了Me neither, but he just lights up when I laugh. 霍华德不能让她跑了Howard, never let her go.莱纳德霍华德说你正在进行So, Leonard, Howard says you're working on 一些量子力学的基本测试fundamental tests of quantum mechanics.没错I am.你对物理感兴趣吗Are you interested in physics?我觉得很很吸引人Oh, I find it fascinating.如果我没有选择微生物学的话If I hadn't gone into microbiology,我也许就会进军物理了I probably would have gone into physics.或者冰舞Or ice dancing.事实上我对于阿哈伦诺夫-博姆的Actually, my tests of the Aharonov-Bohm量子干涉效应实验已经到达了一个很有趣的阶段quantum interference effect have reached an interesting point. 现在我们正在测试基于电势的Right now, we're testing the phase shift相位偏移due to an electric potential.真是太棒了That's amazing.那是莱纳德的工作几乎就跟Yes. Leonard's work is nearly as amazing三年级小学生用湿毛巾种青豆一样棒as third graders growing lima beans in wet paper towels.虽然我很欣赏你的"喔又损人了"While I appreciate the "Oh, snap,"但你那温湿的口气飘进我的耳中令我很不舒服I'm uncomfortable having your moist breath in my ear.你会用Are you going to try穿隧结合来设定电压吗to set up the voltages using tunnel junctions? 是的Yes, I am.你要看我笔记本上的模拟情况吗You want to see a simulation on my laptop? 好啊给我看看Oh, yeah, show me.在微生物学中我做过的最激动人心的事情In microbiology, the most exciting thing也就是跟酵母玩玩I get to work with is yeast.霍华德Howard?怎么了Yeah?你的鞋子真漂亮Your shoes are delightful.你在哪儿买的Where did you get them?什么What?逗你玩儿我才不关心呢Bazinga. I don't care.哈吃灰吧你Ha! Eat my dust,万年不变的古板水管工racially stereotypical plumber.这不公平That's not fair.我被一棵树卡住了I got stuck behind a tree.外加一只母牛和企鹅And a cow and a penguin.认了吧兄弟Face it, dude,不管是现实的车还是虚拟的卡通车whether it's a real car or a virtual cartoon car,你都不能驾驭you can't drive.只需要点练习而已Just need a little more practice.你需要的是金手指驾驶技巧和一盏神灯What you need is cheat codes, motor skills and a magic genie来帮马里奥赛车小废柴实现愿望who grants wishes to little boys who suck at Mario Kart. 谢尔顿我能跟你说两句话吗Hey, Sheldon, can I talk to you for a second?这跟鞋没关系对吧It's not about shoes, is it?我不想再聊鞋子了I don't think I could go through that again.跟鞋子无关It's not about shoes.那就说吧Then speak.我们能私下谈吗Um, actually, can we do it in private?好吧All right.走开Go away.我知道很无礼但她要私下谈I agree, it's rude, but she asked for privacy.谢谢拉杰Thanks, Raj.事情是这样的Okay, so here's the thing:我想请你教我一点物理学I was wondering if you could maybe teach me a little physics? 一点物理学A little physics?没有这个说法There's no such thing.物理学包含整个宇宙Physics encompasses the entire universe,从量子粒子到超新星from quantum particles to supernovas,从自旋电子到旋转星系from spinning electrons to spinning galaxies.行Yeah, okay, cool.不用说得像广播特别报导一样I don't need the PBS special.只要了解到I just want to know enough能和莱纳德谈他的工作就行so I can talk to Leonard about his job.就像伯纳黛特那样You know, like Bernadette does.干嘛不叫莱纳德教你Why can't Leonard teach you?我想给他个惊喜'Cause I want to surprise him.就不能以其他方式给他惊喜吗Can't you surprise him in some other way?比如你要是打扫一下房间For example, I'm sure he'd be delightfully taken aback 我肯定他又惊又喜if you cleaned your apartment.拜托谢尔顿这对我很重要Come on, Sheldon, this is important to me.佩妮Penny,教你可是艰巨的任务this would be a massive undertaking,我的时间既有限又宝贵呢and my time is both limited and valuable.你整天都坐着玩电子游戏呢You're sitting here playing video games all day.被你说中了Okay, point.你学了哪些基础知识What sort of foundation do you have?学校教过什么科学课吗Did you take any science classes in school?有我做过青蛙的实验Sure. I did the one with the frogs.青蛙的实验The one with the frogs.对其实挺好玩的Yeah, actually, it was pretty cool.很多女生都吐了但我把小青蛙像鹿一样宰了A lot of the girls threw up, but I gutted that thing like a deer. 抱歉佩妮I'm sorry, Penny.恕我无能为力I don't think so.别这样嘛Oh, come on!你这么聪明就当挑战一下A smart guy like you, it'll be a challenge.当成实验来做嘛You can make it like an experiment.有意思Interesting.既然别人能教I suppose if someone could teach sign language KoKo大猩猩学手语to KoKo the gorilla...我也能教你基本物理学I could teach you some rudimentary physics.太好了Great!虽然有点侮辱人但很好It's a little insulting, but great.我就做KoKo吧I'll be KoKo.不见得吧Not likely.KoKo学会了超过两千个单词KoKo learned to understand over 2,000 words, 没有一个跟鞋子有关呢not one of which had anything to do with shoes.Hey, fellas.这是在下的女友伯纳黛特This is my girlfriend Bernadette.在下的女友伯纳黛特My girlfriend Bernadette.他们都是谁Who are all those people?不知道Have no idea.好啊莱纳德Hey, Leonard.好瞧瞧Hi. Hey, look,这不是霍华德的女友伯纳黛特嘛it's Howard and his girlfriend Bernadette.带这位小美人逛逛这老盐矿Thought I'd give the little woman a tour of the old salt mines. 他说的不是盐矿He doesn't mean salt mines.他说的是工作地点He means where he works.Yeah, no, I got it.你的实验进展如何So, how's your experiment going?很顺利Ah, terrific.我们正在准备电子加速器We're getting the electron accelerator set up. 后天就能准备好We should be ready to go day after tomorrow. 真想见识一下Boy, I'd love to see that.欢迎你来You're welcome to come.真的吗太好了Really? Oh, that'd be great.多兴奋啊How exciting is that?简直就像七月过光明节一样Like Hanukkah in July.七月有光明节吗Do they have that?No.又被你糊弄了You got me again.这不是脱脂酸奶This isn't non-fat yogurt.简直全是脂肪This is fatty fat fat.失陪一下Excuse me.心肝儿能帮我拿张餐巾吗Could you grab me another napkin, sweetie? -当然可以-谢谢宝贝- Sure. - Thanks, honey.说你打什么如意算盘All right, what is your deal?你说什么Excuse me?邀请我女朋友Inviting my girlfriend去看你的电子加速器to come see your electron accelerator?Yeah? So?你真有两下子You really are a piece of work.舞会皇后It's not enough被你弄到手还不满意you get the prom queen, you have to get你还想抢走陪衬头牌呢the head of the decorating committee, too? 你在说什么呢What are you talking about?别跟我装无辜Don't play innocent with me.用神奇实验设备勾引女人I practically invented这招是我发明的using fancy lab equipment to seduce women. 成功过吗Has it ever worked?目前没有重点不是这个Not so far, but that's not the point!霍华德别紧张Howard, relax.我对你女朋友没兴趣I'm not interested in your girlfriend.最好如此I hope not.你不会想跟我瞎搅和Because you don't want to mess with me. 我可是疯子I'm crazy.我相信你I believe you.实验日志第一篇Research journal, entry one.我准备开展I'm about to embark on one of科学生涯中的巨大挑战之一the great challenges of my scientific career: 教佩妮物理学teaching Penny physics.我称之为大猩猩工程I'm calling it Project Gorilla.好啊谢尔顿Hey, Sheldon.请进坐吧Come in. T ake a seat.实验目标已到Subject has arrived.我亲切地欢迎她I've extended a friendly casual greeting.准备好开始了吗Ready to get started?稍等One moment.目标气色很好也很热情Subject appears well-rested and enthusiastic. 显然无知是福Apparently, ignorance is bliss.好吧我们开始All right, let us begin.你的笔记本呢Where's your notebook?我没笔记本Um, I don't have one.那你咋记笔记How are you going to take notes without a notebook? 还得记笔记吗I have to take notes?不然你怎么考试How else are you gonna study for the tests?最好还要考试吗There's gonna be a test?可不止一次考试Test-sss.给Here.这是大学规定It's college-ruled.希望没吓着你I hope that's not too intimidating.多谢你的体贴Thank you.不客气You're welcome.现在开始讲物理学入门Now, Introduction to Physics.什么是物理What is physics?物理这个词来源于古希腊语中的"physika"Physics comes from the ancient Greek word "physika."你该记笔记了It's at this point that you'll want to start taking notes. "Physika"是指自然科学"Physika" means the science of natural things.而就在那遥远的古希腊我们的旅程开始了And it is there, in ancient Greece, that our story begins.-靠古希腊-嘘- Ancient Greece?! - Hush.有问题先举手If you have questions, raise your hand.那是在大约公元前600年的一个仲夏夜It's a warm summer evening, circa 600 BC.当你从集市[古希腊圣贤集会所]购物归来You've finished your shopping at the local market, or Agora... 抬头仰望夜空...And you look up at the night sky.突然你发现星星在游弋There you notice some of the stars seem to move,于是你将他们命名为"行星"或"漫游者"So you name them "planetes," or "wanderer".佩妮同学有问题吗Yes, Penny?这和莱纳德的研究有什么关系Um, does this have anything to do with Leonard's work? 这是一个历时2600年的旅程This is the beginning of a 2,600-year journey我们慢慢讲不急We're going to take together追溯到古希腊From the ancient Greeks从艾萨克·牛顿到尼尔斯·玻尔[原子理论和量子力学的创始人] Through Isaac Newton to Niels Bohr再到埃尔文·薛定谔[创立波动力学]To Erwin Schrodinger再到荷兰研究学派To the Dutch researchers莱纳德近来就在重复他们的研究呢That Leonard is currently ripping off.居然有2600年2,600 years?没错可能有些许误差Yeah, give or take.正如我之前所说在那遥远的古希腊As I was saying, it's a warm summer evening 一个氤氲的仲夏夜In ancient Greece...怎么了佩妮同学Yes, Penny?我要去洗手间I have to go to the bathroom.你就不能憋一下吗Can't you hold it?我可憋不了2600年Not for 2,600 years.大猩猩实验日志2Project Gorilla, entry two.我被榨干了I am exhausted.-霍华德-怎么- Howard? - Huh?这个要从前面解开的It unhooks in the front.难怪啊Oh, that explains a lot.霍华德我回来了Howard, I'm home!整栋楼都听到了Of course.老年健身取消了Senior fitness was cancelled.我发现原来还真会忘了怎么骑车It turns out you can forget how to ride a bike.我是没啥但山姆·哈普蒂安摔了个嘴啃泥I'm fine, but, oy, did Sam Harpootian eat gravel. 太棒了娘That's great, Ma!80多的亚美尼亚老人摔断了半边下巴What's great about an 80-year-old Armenian man 有什么可棒的With half his chin scraped off?!我想我得走了I guess I should go.不别动No, no, don't move.娘晚饭我想吃炖羊肉Hey, Ma, can I have lamb stew for dinner?炖羊肉那我还得去超市买Lamb stew? I'd have to go to the supermarket. 帮帮忙啦Please?我真的很想吃嘛I got a real hankering.噢我最疼我家小屁脸宝贝了Oh, I can't say no to my little tushy face.我很快回来I'll be back soon.多谢啦娘Thanks, Ma.你要家常豌豆还是拉素豌豆[豌豆的一种]Do you want the regular peas or the Le Seur? 平时不都是加拉素豌豆的吗Always Le Seur peas with lamb stew!好吧你总是说得有理You're right! When you're right, you're right! 如果拉素豌豆卖完了咋办What if they're out of the Le Seur?那就买家常的啊Then get the regular!好吧你别冲我吼啊All right! You don't have to yell!抱歉Sorry about that.我来调成震动Let me just put that on vibrate.我早就调好啦I'm already on vibrate.这个我可听懂了You know, that one I got.霍华德你和莱纳德说起我什么了吗Howard, did you say something to Leonard about me? 什么意思Uh, what do you mean?他说我要是明天去看他的实验He says if I go see his experiment tomorrow可能你会感觉不好It might weird you out.是吗他这样说吗Really? He said that?你不是在吃莱纳德的醋吧You're not jealous of Leonard, are you?我才没有呢Me? No.我只是说在没和别人商量的情况下I may have mentioned that it's a little inappropriate邀请别人的女友去看他的实验To be asking another man's girlfriend to his experiment这样有点不太合适Without first discussing it with said man.你的意思是我和莱纳德一起还要经过同意Are you saying I need to ask your permission to hang out with Leonard? 我可没这么说I didn't say anything like that.我是说莱纳德必须经过我同意I said Leonard has to ask my permission.拜托我可不想和我娘共进炖羊肉啊Come on, I don't want to eat lamb stew with my mother.可恶我差点就解开bra了Damn, I was this close on the bra.记住牛顿发现亚里士多德的理论是错的Now, remember, Newton realized that Aristotle was wrong运动不需要靠力来维持And force was not necessary to maintain motion.所以加上a = 9.8平方米每秒So let's plug in our 9.8 meters per second squared我们能得到As "A" and we get万有引力乘以质量Force-- Earth gravity- equals mass times 9.8 meters等于9.8米每秒的平方Per second per second.从而得到ma = mgSo we can see that "ma" equals "mg"我们可以推算出什么And what do we know from this?我们能推算出Uh, we know that...牛顿真是个聪明绝顶的小甜饼...Newton was a really smart cookie.哇所以才有了牛顿打滚吗[一种点心很像驴打滚]Oh! Is that where Fig Newtons come from?不牛顿打滚得名于马萨诸塞州的一个小镇No, Fig Newtons are named after a small town in Massachusetts.-别光顾着记这个啊-抱歉- Don't write that down! - Sorry.好如果ma = mg 我们可以推算出什么Now, if "ma" equals "mg," what does that imply?我不知道I don't know.你怎么可以不知道How can you not know?我都告诉你了啊I just told you.你最近脑子被敲过了吗Have you suffered a recent blow to the head?你这也太刻薄了吧Hey! You don't have to be so mean!抱歉I'm sorry.你最近脑子被敲过了吗Have you suffered a recent blow to the head?-你这个老师真是烂透了-是吗- No, you just suck at teaching. - Really?你觉得这两种解释哪个更靠谱点呢Of those two explanations, which one seems the most likely?天哪Oh, God...谢尔顿我也很想听懂Sheldon, I'm trying to understand,但你说得太快了but you're going too fast.能不能倒回去一点Can you just back up a little bit?好吧All right.在那个古希腊的仲夏夜It's a warm summer evening in ancient Greece... 别倒回那么多Not that far back!好吧Okay!你到底哪点开始听不懂的At what point did you begin to feel lost?我不知道I don't know.我们抬头仰望星空是在哪里Where were we looking up at the night sky?-希腊-见鬼- Greece. - Damn it!用不着灰心There's no need to get frustrated.总有人学得快有人学得慢People learn at different rates.不像漂浮在真空中的物体在那里Unlike objects falling in a vacuum, which...? ma=mg"ma" equals "mg"...?平方?Squared?不对No.亚里斯多德Aristotle?不对No.等于五Five?那我不知道了Then I don't know.你哭什么Why are you crying?我哭我自己蠢啊Because I'm stupid!那也没理由哭啊That's no reason to cry.人只有悲伤的时候才该哭One cries because one is sad.比如说其他人都太蠢我感到悲伤For example, I cry because others are stupid所以我才哭and it makes me sad.好了能不能先不扯这些题外话Okay, can we just please forget about all this extra stuff 就告诉我莱纳德平常在做的那些and can you just tell me what Leonard does?好吧All right.莱纳德正致力于研究出为何亚原子粒子Leonard is attempting to learn why sub-atomic particles 会像现在这样运动move the way they do.真的就这样Really? That's it?这听起来并不是很复杂嘛Well, that doesn't sound so complicated.是不复杂It's not.所以莱纳德才干这个That's why Leonard does it.我只有一个问题Okay, I just have one question.亚原子粒子到底是什么What exactly are sub-atomic particles?问得好A good question.谢谢Thank you.要回答这个问题我们首先必须自问And to answer it, we first must ask ourselves: 物理是什么"What is physics?"又绕回来了Oh, balls.在那个古希腊的仲夏夜It's a warm summer evening in ancient Greece...我有事要找你算账Okay, I got a bone to pick with you.这回我又怎么了What did I do now?我和伯纳黛特正要做爱做的事被你的短信搅了I was in bed with Bernadette, and you text-blocked me.什么What?!我们都脱光光了正要水乳交融的时候...We were completely naked, about to devour each other when,你发短信告诉她我对她跟你出来有意见you text her that I have a problem with her hanging out with you. 你确实对她跟我出来有意见You do have a problem with her hanging out with me.对但你不该对她说的Yeah, but that's not what you tell her.那我该跟她怎么说What was I supposed to tell her?我不知道说些别让我显得I don't know. Something that doesn't make me come off猥琐又吃醋的脑残的话as a petty, jealous douche.那该怎么说才好And what would that be?拜托我得帮你想好一切吗Come on, do I have to think of everything? 你好莱纳德Hey, Leonard.我来太晚了吗还能看实验不Am I too late to see the experiment?你来这干嘛What are you doing here?跟你一样Same thing you're doing here.来看莱纳德的实验I came to see Leonard's experiment.才怪No, you didn't.你说过莱纳德的实验很蠢You said Leonard's experiment was stupid. 你跟她说我的实验很蠢You told her my experiment was stupid?我只是复述谢尔顿的话I was just repeating what Sheldon said.我们别再转移话题了吧Let's not get off topic.伯纳黛特我得跟你道歉Bernadette, I need to apologize.我错了不该对你跟谁交友指手划脚的I was wrong to tell you who you should be friends with. 我该留你们俩独处吗Should I, um, leave you two alone?不用莱纳德你也该听听No, Leonard, you should hear this.好反正我也没想走Okay, good, 'cause I wasn't really gonna go.我知道我看上去自信满满老于世故但Look, I know I come off as confident and worldly, but... 其实我并不是这样的the truth is I'm not.好雷人We're shocked.所以我容易感到受到其他人的威胁Which is why I tend to feel threatened by other guys.或噪音或围观群众Or loud noises, clowns and nuns.但我已经知道这样做有多蠢But I now realize how foolish that is.他有次就因为头卡在毛衣里He had a panic attack once就恐慌了when he got his head stuck in a sweater.那可是件高领套头毛衣It was a full turtleneck.你为什么不帮帮我Why aren't you helping me?我不知道I don't know.也许因为我疯了Maybe because I'm... crazy?!伯纳黛特求你再给我一次机会吧Bernadette, please, I'm asking you to give me another chance. 你怎么想莱纳德What do you think, Leonard?我该再给他一次机会吗Should I give him another chance?你自己做主It's up to you.反正他也没说你的实验蠢He didn't call your experiment stupid.过来吧屁屁脸Come here, tushy face.屁屁脸"Tushy face."这话一定得立马推上微博That is going on Twitter right now.拉杰你真该去看看莱纳德的实验Raj, you should've seen Leonard's experiment. 电子束发射后产生的干涉图样The interference pattern was so cool实在太酷了when the electron beam was on.很高兴你喜欢Glad you enjoyed it.多数人对我的工作都不那么感兴趣Most people aren't that interested in what I do. 莱纳德其实你这么说不对Actually, that's not true, Leonard.事实上最近我一直在琢磨In fact, recently I've been thinking that考虑到你实验中的各项参数given the parameters of your experiment,通过你那纳米级装备的螺线管the transport of electrons through the aperture所进行的电子干涉实验of the nano-fabricated metal rings is qualitatively no different 跟荷兰已成功进行的实验没有任何不同than the experiment already conducted in the Netherlands. 他们通过螺线管干涉电子Their observed phase shift观测到的周相移动in the diffusing electrons inside the metal ring已成功地用电子模拟的形式证明了already conclusively demonstrated the electric analogue阿哈罗诺夫-玻姆的量子干涉效应of the Aharonov-Bohm quantum-interference effect.就这样我也就知道这些That's it. That's all I know.等等还有Oh, wait...!"牛顿打滚"是以马萨诸塞一城市命名的Fig Newtons were named after a town in Massachusetts, 而不是那科学家not the scientist.。

喘不过气了吗Having a little trouble catching your breath there?不不我没事儿No,no,I'm good.要是体育老师早告诉我刻苦训练是为了这个If my P.E. teachers had told me this is what I was training for, 我就会试着再努力点I would have tried a lot harder.要么去做要么放手没有尝试一说"Do or do not. There is no try."你刚引用了星战的台词吗Did you just quote star wars?[星战第五部]我引用的应该是《帝国反击战》的台词I believe I quoted Empire Strikes Back.老天爷Oh,my God.[尤达：星战人物]我居然和一个能引用尤达大师的话的美女躺在一起I'm lying in bed with a beautiful woman who can quote Yoda. 我爱你佩妮I love you,Penny.谢谢Thank you.不客气You're welcome.我只是不吐不快而已I just wanted to put that out there.不我很高兴Oh,yeah,no,I-I'm-I'm glad.那就好Good.-高兴就好-嗯- Glad is good. - Yeah.没手表No,no...呃...已经很晚了So,it's getting pretty late.-我们差不多该睡觉吧-对- We should probably go to sleep. - Yeah. -对-该睡了- Okay. - Yeah,probably.-晚安亲爱的-晚安- Okay,good night,sweetie. - Good night.莱纳德你对巨型蚂蚁这个问题持什么立场Hey,Leonard,where do you come down on giant ants?谢尔顿说不可能有Sheldon says impossible.霍华德和我都觉得不仅可能Howard and I say not only possible,[蝙蝠战车：蝙蝠侠的座驾]而且作为一种交通工具比蝙蝠战车酷多了but as a mode of transportation,way cooler than a Batmobile. 你忽视了平方/立方定律You are ignoring the square-cube law.巨型蚂蚁会被The giant ant would be crushed自身的骨骼重量压垮under the weight of its own exoskeleton.而且准确来说And for the record,真正酷的交通工具排名应该是the appropriate ranking of cool modes of transportation is: [悬滑板引自《回到未来2》传送器引自《星际迷航》]喷射背包悬滑板传送器蝙蝠战车jet pack,hoverboard,transporter,Batmobile,然后才是巨型蚂蚁and then giant ant.有没有搞错Seriously?你们就没别的事干You have nothing better to do只能坐在这里聊巨型蚂蚁存在的可能性吗than sit around and discuss the possibility of giant ants? 他怎么了What's with him?估计他到了每月一次的敏感期了Perhaps he's at a sensitive point in his monthly cycle.你是说他来大姨夫了[与Menstruating同音]Are you saying he's man-strating?不是字面意义上的Not literally.但早在十七世纪But as far back as the 17th century,科学家就发现男性荷尔蒙水平scientists observed a 33-day fluctuation有个33天的波动周期in men's hormone levels.有意思Interesting.难怪我每月中旬都会两眼泪汪汪That might explain my weepy days in the middle of the month. 你知道我在说什么You know what I'm talking about.[潜台词: 别说得这么暧昧...]算了不说巨型蚂蚁Okay,forget giant ants.巨型兔子呢How about giant rabbits?不管大小我都不喜欢兔子Big or small,I don't like rabbits.兔子总是看似很想说话They always look like they're about to say something,但从来不开口but they never do.兔子倒是有呼吸系统Rabbits do have a respiratory system支撑巨大的体型that would support great size.并且兔子是少数哺乳动物中And on a side note,they are one of the few mammals阴囊长在阴茎前的whose scrotum is in front of the penis.也许这才是他们想谈论的Maybe that's what they want to talk about.莱纳德你对巨型兔子和阴囊位置Leonard,where do you stand on giant rabbits持啥态度and scrotal position?我一点都不在乎I honestly don't care.是吗Really?每次我们谈到不寻常的动物生殖器Because every time we've talked about unusual animal genitals, 你总会有些有力且富争议性的观点you've always had some pretty strong and controversial opinions. 你想让我说什么What do you want from me?我就是不鸟这个I just don't give a rat's ass.有没有巨型老鼠屁屁Would that be a giant rat's ass?准确来说巨型老鼠是有可能存在的For the record,giant rats are possible.我们能不能说点别的Can we please talk about something else? 比如稍微跟我们生活有关Maybe something vaguely related而且是地球上的东西to life as we know it on this planet?这个话题怎么样Okay,how about this for a topic:为什么莱纳德是个大混蛋Why is Leonard being a giant douche?假设大混蛋有可能存在Assuming giant douches are possible.当然有Of course they are.莱纳德就是一个Leonard's being one.说不定他和佩妮发生了"爱爱"口角Maybe he's having a lover's spat with Penny. 才怪我们没吵架No,there was no spat.但确实发生了点状况Oh,but something happened.我不想谈这个I don't want to talk about it.我觉得你想说我不想听But I sense you're going to and I don't want to hear about it. 失陪Excuse me.你干啥了罗密欧What'd you do,Romeo?往身上倒枫蜜You pour maple syrup all over your body问她有没有性致玩3Pand ask her if she was in the mood for a short stack?你是不是穿她的内裤跳来跳去取悦她Did you think it would be funny to put on a pair of her panties 结果把她吓着了and jump around,but it wound up just creeping her out?什么没有What? No.我只是问问老兄I'm just asking,dude.没准儿呢[Raj深受其害]It happens.你们参加今晚的保龄球赛吗You guys still on for bowling tonight?当然参加Oh,yes.我还准备了几句垃圾话呢In fact,I've prepared some trash talk for the occasion. 你打得跟你妈一个水准You bowl like your mama.不过如果她打得很好Unless,of course,she bowls well.那就是你打得跟你妈大相径庭In which case,you bowl nothing like her.哦唉哟Oh. Ouch.这就是灼烈言辞的效果That is what is referred to as a burn on you.你要求她滴蜡吗Did you ask her to start waxing?没有No.你滴蜡了Did you start waxing?没有No.是不是做爱时While making love,你不小心拍了自己屁股did you accidentally spank your own ass 然后大声哭喊"妈咪"and cry out,"Mommy"?我懒得理你们I'm walking away from you now.他没否定哎That wasn't a no.看来我们猜得越来越靠谱儿了Yeah,I think we're getting close.你是在跟她上床的时候Did you take a Benadryl此药会造成昏昏欲睡吃了片苯海拉明然后睡着了么and fall asleep while pleasuring her?你可能会因此丢了小命儿哎Because you can die that way.牡丹花下死做鬼也风流啊Oh,that would be a good way to go.-嗨-嗨- Hi. - Oh,hey.太好了佩妮Good,Penny.友情提示今晚7点保龄之夜Reminder: bowling tonight at 7:00.噢对保龄Oh,right,bowling.你要是不想来也不用勉强You don't have to come if you don't want to.不会啊没那回事儿No,no,it's okay.说实话没我的话你们指定输得巨惨I mean,let's face it,you guys would get creamed without me. 确实We would indeed.就此特殊情况来看In this particular case,你纯爷们儿的气质对我们十分有利your lack of femininity works to our advantage.跟你聊天总是这么开心谢尔顿It's always nice chatting with you,Sheldon.是讽刺吗Sarcasm?是毫不掩饰的轻视你Thinly veiled contempt.-别忘了7点-知道啦- Remember: 7:00. - Got it.-是太平洋夏令时-咋着吧- Pacific Daylight time! - Bite me!请把这纯爷们儿的气场发挥在赛场上吧Please reserve that butch spirit for the lanes.你不是要带自己的保龄球鞋来吗I thought you were bringing your own bowling shoes. 这双就是我自己的啊These are my own bowling shoes.那你还消什么毒啊Then what's with the disinfectant?我脚踩过啥地方我知道I know where my feet have been.嗨佩妮Hey,Penny!还有各位路人And you guys.阿尔比诺·鲍勃不能来了Albino Bob couldn't make it,所以我带了个替补来so I brought a substitute.相信你们中有人认识他I believe some of you know威尔·惠顿Wil Wheaton.威尔·惠顿《星际迷航》中的演员嗨谢尔顿近来如何啊Hi,Sheldon. How's it going?哎哟哟Well,well,well.这不是威尔·惠顿嘛If it isn't Wil Wheaton,我家蜘蛛侠的敌人绿魔the Green Goblin to my Spider-Man. 我家伽利略的对头教皇保罗五世the Pope Paul V to my Galileo,我家火狐的对手IE浏览器the Internet Explorer to my Firefox.我上次纸牌锦标赛赢了你You're not still carrying a grudge你不会还怀恨在心呢吧because I beat you at that card tournament,are you? 我可是"臭威尔惠顿"I'm the proud owner企业网站互联网站和机构网站的所有人of ,.net,and .org.知道这说明什么吗What does that tell you?这说明你无时无刻都在想着我It tells me that I am living rent-free right here.准备好比赛了么You ready to bowl?当然准备好了Oh,I'm ready.我不知道斯图尔特有没有告诉你I don't know if Stuart told you今晚你的对手是谁what you're up against tonight,不过站在你面前的人就是but before you stands the co-captain of the东德克萨斯州青年基督徒圣保龄同盟会East Texas Christian Youth Holy Roller Bowling League 冠军队的联盟队长championship team.7到12岁参赛组Seven- to 12-year-old division.佩妮打得也不错Also,Penny's pretty good.很好那燃起战火吧Great. Then it's on.愚蠢的威尔·惠顿战火就没灭过Oh,foolish Wil Wheaton,it was never off.好的Yes!常见的补中A common spare.保龄赛会上的"特工佳丽"The Miss Congeniality of the bowling pageant.在你登陆TwitterBefore you jump on Twitter然后吹嘘自己那可以无视的成就之前to tout your modest accomplishment, 看看什么叫真正的高手watch how it's really done.吾乃此球I am the ball.吾念乃其念My thoughts are its thoughts.其洞乃吾洞Its holes are my holes.好的Yes.推特这个吧推特鸟Tweet that,Tweety Bird.我只想跟你说Hey,I just wanted to tell you我是你的粉丝I'm a big fan.谢了Oh,thanks.你肯定被《星际迷航》的问题问得想吐了I'm sure you're probably sick of Star Trek questions, 不过乌比·戈德堡你有没那个啊but Whoopi Goldberg-- you ever hit that?啤酒啊Ah,beer.能让这个可怜害羞的印度男孩The magic elixir that can turn this poor,shy Indian boy 成为耀眼人物的神奇药剂into the life of the party.好耶Oh,yeah.吃辣味奶酪薯条吗Chili cheese fry?好啊我爱辣味奶酪薯条Yes. I love chili cheese fries.真的你爱吃啊Really? You love them?是啊怎么了Yeah,why?没事啊只是很高兴听到No reason. I'm just glad to hear你对表达爱意毫无障碍you're comfortable saying you love something.你真的想现在谈这事儿吗Do you really want to get into this right now?谈啥事儿Get into what?你怎么会不爱吃辣味奶酪薯条呢Why wouldn't you love the chili cheese fries?这么多年你一直都在吃They've been in your life a long time.它们让你心情大好They make you happy.它们应该知道你对它们的爱They deserve to know.昨晚我只是被你吓到了Look,you just caught me by surprise last night.我不知道说什么好I didn't know what to say.好到现在给你的思考时间够久了吧Okay,well,now you've had some time to think about it. 那你想说什么So,what do you want to say?我不确定I'm not sure.你怎么会不确定How can you not be sure?在这谈论这事儿不太合适Okay,this isn't the place to have this conversation.对啊合适的地方是在床上No,the place to have the conversation was in bed在我说了"我爱你"after I said,"I love you"你说"谢谢晚安"之后and you said,"Thank you. Good night."别逼我莱纳德Don't push it,Leonard.-我没逼你-你逼我了- I am not pushing anything. - You are.你没权利决定我什么时候准备好说"我爱你"You don't get to decide when I'm ready to say "I love you!" 原来是过早的告白问题Ah,the premature "I love you."我猜的是过"早"的问题算对吗I guessed "premature." Does that count?佩妮Penny.佩妮Penny.佩妮Penny.干嘛What?给你的This is for you.冰淇淋Ice cream?我通过研读连环画《凯西》[一部讲述女人生活的漫画]I've been familiarizing myself with female emotional crises. 努力想要熟悉雌性生物的感情危机by studying the comic strip Cathy.她一沮丧就会说"日" 然后吃冰淇淋When she's upset,she says,"Ack!" and eats ice cream.日啊Ack!你要是只猫我就给你带千层面了If you were a cat,I would have brought you a lasagna.是莱纳德让你来的吗Did Leonard send you over here?不自从你昨晚突然离开No,we haven't spoken我们还没说过话since your abrupt departure last night害得我们昨天输给斯图尔特caused us to forfeit to Stuart和他那卑鄙邪恶的不法参赛者威尔·惠顿and his dastardly ringer Wil Wheaton.为此我很抱歉Yeah,I'm sorry about that.我毫不自豪地承认昨天我是哭着睡着的I'm not too proud to admit that I cried myself to sleep. 再次说声抱歉Again,I'm sorry.让我来告诉你吧And let me tell you,sleep did not有莱纳德在隔壁嘶吼摇滚歌手莫莉莎的歌come easily with Leonard in the next room你就很难睡着了singing along with Alanis Morrisette.你开玩笑吧You're kidding.不很显然某位来大姨夫的也急需冰淇淋来解闷No. Clearly another woman in dire need of ice cream. 好吧谢尔顿All right,Sheldon,what part of this有没有什么安慰点的消息is supposed to make me feel better?关于这一点The part where I tell you我自行决定了来一场复赛I've engineered a rematch今晚重新对战斯图尔特他们with Stuart's team for tonight.亲爱的我不知道Oh,honey,I don't know.现在和莱纳德在一起感觉怪怪的Things are a little weird with Leonard right now.你想让我把他踢出去吗You want me to remove him from the team?我是队长我说了算I'm the captain. I can do that.不没关系No,no,that's okay.我去和他谈谈回来再找你吧Just let me talk to him,and I'll get back to you.你准备什么时候找他谈When are you going to talk to him?不知道I don't know.他在洗衣房现在去正好He's in the laundry room now. Now would be a good time. 我不去你就一直烦我烦到死对吧You're n gonna leave me alone until I do it,are you?哎呀这还用问吗Oh,I think we both know the answer to that question.我觉得我们应该谈谈I think we should talk now.什么不没事Wha...? No,it's okay.我们不用谈也没什么可谈We don't have to talk 'cause there's nothing to talk about. 一切都好Everything's good.真的吗那你生气不是因为So,you didn't get all snarky我对一碗辣味薯条说了句好话'cause I said something nice to a bowl of chili fries?好吧也许我反应过激了All right,maybe I overreacted.我们俩感情上不太同步那又如何So we're in two different places emotionally. So what?或许我比你快了一点没关系And maybe I'm a little ahead of you. That's fine.其实很合理面对现实In fact,it makes sense,'cause let's face it,我爱你比你爱我多了整整两年I've been in this relationship two years longer than you.莱纳德你要知道我很在乎你Look,Leonard,you have to know how much I care about you. 可我以前就是太早说"爱你"It's just that I've said the "L" word结果都不欢而散too soon before,and it didn't work out very well.是吗不知道那是什么情形I wouldn't know what that's like.对不起I'm sorry.但你明白我的意思You know what I'm talking about,though.我明白Yeah,I do.我们和好了吗So,we're good?对我就是这个意思Yes,that's what I'm telling you.我们很好好得不得了We are good. We are great.太好了栅栏已补误会已清All right! Fence mended,problem swept under the rug. 去打保龄球吧Time to bowl!对我刚刚在偷听Yes,I was eavesdropping.因为赌注太大了There's a lot at stake here.注意选手们Attention,all bowlers:我强制要求穿这个参加我们的复赛I've taken the liberty of having these made for our rematch. "卫斯理·柯洛夏斯""The Wesley Crushers"?不是指卫斯理·柯洛夏斯No,not The Wesley Crushers.而是卫斯理碾碎者The Wesley Crushers.我不明白I don't get it.卫斯理·柯洛夏是Wesley Crusher was威尔·惠顿在《星际迷航》里扮演的角色Wil Wheaton's character on Star Trek.还是不明白Still don't get it.这是个极其巧妙的双关语It's a blindingly clever play on words.在他所饰演的角色名后面加个复数By appropriating his character's name and adding the S, 暗示着我们将是彻底终结卫斯理的人we imply that we we'll be the crushers of Wesley.好吧抱歉亲爱的Okay,I'm sorry,honey,但你这样写看起来就好像有好多粉丝but The Wesley Crushers sounds like a bunch of people 喜欢卫斯理·柯洛夏who like Wesley Crusher.不再次强调不是卫斯理·柯洛夏粉丝群No! Again,it's not the Wesley Crushers.而是卫斯理·柯洛夏终结者It's the Wesley Crushers.如果你想表示你将彻底打败卫斯理No,if you want it to mean you're crushing Wesley,就该直接写打倒卫斯理·柯洛夏it'd be the Wesley Crushers.听听你们说的什么胡话Do you people even hear yourselves?这不是什么卫斯理·柯洛夏斯It's not The Wesley Crushers.也不是卫斯理粉丝群It's not The Wesley Crushers.而是卫斯理终结者It's The Wesley Crushers.看哪Hey,look.他们那队是以我名字命名的They named their team after me.不这才不是...No,it's not the...算了Never mind.好了都清楚打赌内容和赌注了So,we're all clear on the bet and the stakes?当然输的一方将接受公开羞辱Oh,yes. The losers will be publicly humiliated具体方式由胜者选定in a fashion to be chosen by the victor.告诉你我准备让你们发表篇科学论文FYI: I plan on having you publish a scientific paper 指Immanuel Velikovsky关于金星大气的假设详细说明维利科夫斯基那荒谬的假设expounding the discredited Velikovsky hypothesis.再次唉哟Ouch again.你好谢尔顿Hey,Sheldon,我只想告诉你I just wanted you to know我热切期盼着打得你一败涂地that I'm really looking forward to wiping the floor with you.真的吗Oh,yes?回应你之前我先问你个问题Well,before I respond,let me a you a question.你妈妈保龄球打得好不好Is your mother a good or poor bowler?你先After you.不你先No,after you...因为我们准备终结你卫斯理as we are currently crushing you,Wesley.右边球道的选手先投这是种习惯It's customary for the player on the right-hand lane to bowl first.好吧All right.只是种习惯并非规则It's a custom,not a rule.我真鄙视你I so loathe you.就是这样谢尔顿That's right,Sheldon.要学会接受社会阴暗面Embrace the dark side.你根本没权利跟我这么说That's not even from your franchise! 我想让你知道I,um,I want you to know that即使我们是对立一方even though we're on opposite sides, 我始终对你并无恶意I,I bear you no ill will.谢谢斯图尔特很高兴知道这点Thank you,Stuart. It's nice to know. 对立双方的人People from opposite sides往往都关系非常好often have good relationships.比如罗密欧与朱丽叶You know,Romeo and Juliet...《西区故事》里的托尼和玛利亚Tony and Maria from West Side Story,《阿凡达》里那个谁和那大蓝妞what's-his-name and the big blue chick in Avatar. 我要去掷球了I'm gonna bowl now.人球合一霍华德Be the ball,Howard.别烦我谢尔顿Leave me alone,Sheldon.你没做到人球合一You weren't the ball.谢谢Hey,thanks.很好玩是吧This is fun,huh?对呀Yeah.很高兴我们能出来来点体育锻炼It's good that we got out and did something physical. 能分散下注意力Gets us out of our heads.人一旦纠结什么事You get in your head,很容易就会想多钻牛角尖心神不宁还烦恼you start to overthink,overanalyze,obsess,you worry. 但今晚咱不这样That's not what we're doing tonight.今晚咱就专心玩保龄球Tonight we're just throwing a ball at some pins.对就是这样Yeah,that's right.也许有一天未来的某一天and someday-- we don't know when--你也会爱回我maybe you'll love me back.唔该我了Ooh,I'm up.谢尔顿谢尔顿谢尔顿加油Shel-don! Shel-don! Shel-don! Shel-don!不好意思Excuse me.真不知道你们是在为谁加油我现在可是球哦I don't know who you're chanting for as I am currently the ball. 球球加油The ball! The ball!球球加油The ball! The ball! The ball! The ball!感谢上帝Thank you,Jesus!我妈肯定会这么说As my mother would say.很高兴你跟你男友言归于好了I'm glad you patched things up with your boyfriend.是呀我也是Oh,yeah,me,too.在你毫无准备的时候面对突如其来的示爱It's always tough when the "L" bomb gets dropped一向都很难处理的and you're not ready for it.说来听听Tell me about it.我就跟这么个女孩约会过I dated this one girl,我跟她示爱的时候and I told her that I loved her,她说她还不确定[自己感情的归属]and she said she wasn't sure.然后跟我藕断丝连将近两年时间And she strung me along for almost two years. 那实在太残忍了It was brutal.太遗憾了Oh,I'm sorry.谢谢安慰Thanks.宁愿她当场就跟我痛快分手I wish she had just broken up with me right there, 长痛不如短痛and put me out of my misery.真的Really?对那样反而好Yeah,would have been kinder.威尔到你了Wil,you're up.该我了Oh,that's me.你刚让威尔·惠顿给你洗脑了Did you let Wil Wheaton get in your head?你在说什么呀What are you talking about?他是个魔鬼最擅长邪恶的心理战He's evil. He plays evil mind games.他是不是跟你说他祖母去世了Did he tell you his grandmother died?参见S03E05 谢尔顿的悲惨受骗遭遇没有No!他要是这么说千万别信Well,if he does,don't believe it.他说不定就会骗你他祖母去世博同情He's not above playing the dead meemaw card. 太棒了Yes!好好享受这一时的欢呼吧威尔·惠顿Enjoy the accolades now,Wil Wheaton,但正如你在《星际迷航:下一代》那角色一样命运but like your time on Star Trek: Next Generation, 你这种自鸣得意注定只能是一时的your smug self-satisfaction will be short-lived. 佩妮该你了Penny,you're up.好了记住他奶奶还活着All right,remember,his meemaw's alive还有人球合一and be the ball.好明白Yeah,I got it.我们必须要打出个全中啊We really need a strike here.我知道I know.所以慢慢来集中注意力So just take your time and concentrate.莱纳德别再给我施压了Leonard,stop pressuring me.我没在给你施压I'm not pressuring you.你就是在给我让开Yeah,you are! Just back off!好吧抱歉Okay,I'm sorry.我这就闭嘴I'll shut up.我没想让你闭嘴I didn't mean "shut up."好告诉我该怎么说我照做就是了Fine. Just tell me what to do,and I'll do it. 不No...莱纳德这对你不公平我很抱歉This isn't fair to you,Leonard. I'm sorry. 等等你这是去哪Wait! Where are you going?佩妮快回来Penny,come back!我再给你买冰激凌I'll get you ice cream!别让她走吧No,let her go.你疯了吗Are you insane?她要是走了就完啦If she leaves,it's over!我很确定我们已经完了[情侣关系]I'm pretty sure it's already over.谢尔顿运气不佳嘛Tough luck,Sheldon.是你干的是不是You did this,didn't you?你真以为就为了赢一场保龄球比赛Do you think I would really break up a couple 我会拆散一对情侣just to win a bowling match?不我想不会吧No,I suppose not.很好你就继续这么想吧Good. Keep thinking that.对的我跟你说Mm-hmm,mm-hmm,yeah,I'm telling you, 上的妞比eHarmony上的更好泡the chicks are much looser than on eHarmony. 和eHarmony 均为婚恋交友网站好了我回头再打给你You know,I-I gotta call you back.我打赢了个赌该验收成果了I won a bet,and it's time to collect.[分别为蝙蝠女侠女超人神奇女侠猫女]不知道你们感觉如何我觉得自己无比强大I don't know about you,but I feel empowered.。

风筝嗬Kites,ho!风筝嗬Kites,ho!不好意思Excuse me.你们误用了"嗬"这个词You're misusing the word "ho."这是用于引起目标注意的感叹词It's an interjection used to call attention而不是物体例如"停下嗬"to a destination,not an object,as in,uh,"Land,ho!"或者"向西嗬"Or,uh,"Westward,ho!"风筝嗬Kites,ho!各位好在忙什么Hey,guys. Whatcha doin'?出去发现电的存在吗Going out to discover electricity?如果你说的是本杰明·富兰克林的成果If you're referring to the work of Benjamin Franklin, 他没有"发现电的存在"he did not "discover electricity,"他只是利用风筝证明he merely used a kite to determine闪电"带"电that lightning "consists" of electricity.他还发明了富兰克林壁炉式取暖炉He also invented the Franklin stove,双光眼镜和灵活导尿管bifocals and the flexible urinary catheter.风筝嗬Kites,ho.我们准备去斗风筝We're heading out for some kite fighting.-斗风筝-对- "Kite fighting"? - Oh,yeah.一项极具竞争性和激烈性的运动It's an extremely competitive,cutthroat sport.其实割到喉咙的风险很低Well,actually,the risk of throat cutting is very low. 另外严重被线擦伤才是真实On the other hand,severe string burn is a real且经常发生的危险and ever-present danger.你想来观战吗You want to come watch?天啊Oh,gee...听着很不错Sounds amazing.不过我有些朋友会过来But,um,I've got some friends coming over.没什么大事Not a big thing-- we're just只是聚在一起看内布拉斯加比赛gonna watch the Nebraska game.橄榄球行Oh. Football,sure.猜得好Good guess.我本想叫上你但我知道你不是球迷I would've invited you,but I know you're not a football fan. 对当然很好No,no,I'm not,so... great.你能做自己喜欢的事You've got plans我也能做自己喜欢的事doing something you like,I've got plans这样很好doing something I like,so it's good.我们能迟些再聚Well,maybe we'll hang out later--等大家都走了you know,after everybody's gone.行可以Yeah,great.再见See ya.太逊了Well,this sucks.抱歉我觉得无聊开小差了I'm sorry,I got bored and drifted off.什么东西很逊Where exactly in the interaction did the sucking lie?莱纳德刚发现佩妮不想带他见朋友Leonard just realized that Penny's been hiding him因为莱纳德是个身材矮小from her friends because he's a tiny,little man又喜欢放风筝的人who flies kites.这当然会很逊Oh,that certainly would suck.沃罗威茨想侧翼包围咱们Wolowitz is trying to outflank us.你放线飞高点Let out some string,add altitude我从下方偷袭割他的线and I'll go under and cut his line.为什么佩妮不想让她朋友认识我Why wouldn't Penny want her friends to meet me? 集中精神比赛莱纳德Focus,Leonard,focus!战斗的热浪迎面而来The heat of battle is upon us.战争的恶犬已被释放The dogs of war are unleashed.或许库萨帕里说得对Maybe Koothrappali's right.也许我让她囧了Maybe I embarrass her.你现在就让我囧了You're embarrassing me right now.一个大男人在放风筝的时候A grown man worrying about such nonsense居然担心这种无聊东西when in the middle of flying kites.对不起Sorry.道歉可打不下对方的风筝Sorry won't bring their kites down.被线擦伤痛痛String burn! String burn!他们以为我们想侧翼包围Oh,they think we're flanking.正中我们下怀They're playing right into our hands.我数到三使出绝杀飞剪On the count of three,we execute the flying scissor. 一二One,two...哇Whoa!-看到没-什么- Did you see that? - See what?那个小妞她冲我笑That chick-- she smiled at me.-没有-有- No,she didn't. - Yes,she did.快飞剪飞剪Come on,scissors,scissors!-帮我拿着-等等- Hold my line. - Wait.你去干什么What are you doing?我没法单独使出飞剪I can't scissors by myself!霍华德回来Howard! Come back!胜利Victory!狗娘养的Son of a bitch.你真是垃圾朋友知道吗You're a sucky friend,you know that?比垃圾还垃圾的朋友A sucky,sucky friend.我能怎样What was supposed to do?她冲我那么诱惑一笑She gave me that "come-hither" look.就算她冲你笑那也是笑你很逊If she gave you any look at all. it was a "you suck" look. 如果没有拉伤大腿我就能追上她I would've caught up to her if I hadn't pulled a hammy. 拜托你才80磅重Oh,please,you weigh 80 pounds.哪有什么大腿肌肉You don't have a hammy.佩妮不想带我见朋友So,Penny doesn't want me around her friends.我让她囧了有其他可能吗I embarrass her. What else could it be?她的行为Well,her actions能理解为顾及你的感受could be out of concern for your feelings也许她不让你参加聚会Perhaps she's excluded you from these gatherings是因为她想物色新配偶because she's scouting for a new mate但不想让你看到and don't want to do it in front of you.她真贴心Oh... how kind of her.同意Agreed.大多数灵长类动物没有这种判断力Most primates don't show that sort of discretion.雌性倭黑猩猩会在前配偶面前A female bonobo will copulate with a new male与新配偶交配in front of the old one根本不会想"你怎么样"without so much as a "how do you do?"你老是这样知道吗You always do this,you know?抛下我去追没有机会追到的女人You ditch me for a woman you don't have a shot with. 我完全有机会I totally had a shot. With a woman在公园追逐一名女子you were chasing through a park--这不叫机会这叫重罪that's not a shot,that's a felony.搭上我赢回来的帕唐风筝更罪加一等What's worse,it cost me my prized Patang fighting kite. 谢尔顿能不能行行好Sheldon,I don't suppose there's any chance把风筝还给我you could give me my kite back?对不起拉杰空战的规则I'm sorry,Raj,but the rules of aerial warfare规定战败的风筝归胜者dictate at the fallen kite go to the victor.没有规则比赛就没有意义And without rules,the competition has no meaning.没有比赛意义And without meaning,下面的动作就只会是个空洞的姿态the following would be an empty gesture.你的风筝归我了I have your kite.你的橄榄球派对如何How was your football party?-很不错我们赢了-哇- It was pretty good. We won. - Oh,wow.太棒了That's excellent.你不觉得这个比喻很怪吗It's a weird figure of speech,isn't it不是我们在玩却说"我们赢了""We won" when you weren't actually playing.当我们看《星球大战》的时候When we watch Star Wars,我们不会说"我们打败了帝国"we don't say,"We defeated the Empire."很高兴听你这么说I'm glad to hear it.对了还有个相关问题Oh,hey,on a related subject,我跟你朋友在一起会让你觉得有失颜面吗Are you embarrassed to have me around your friends? 天呐当然不会Oh,my god,no.为什么要这么问Why would you ask that?我才发现Well,you know,I just noticed我还没见过他们呢I haven't really met any of them.你肯定见过Sure you have.对我见过你那高大的前男友Yeah,no,I met the huge ex-boyfriend还有小一点但还是比我高大的前男友and the smaller yet still larger than me ex-boyfriend 顺便问一下他们今天来了吗By the way,were they here today?-当然没有-当然没有- Of course not. - Of course not.为什么要来为什么我会问Why would they be? Why would I ask?为什么我这么无厘头为什么你不制止我Why am I rambling? Why don't you stop me?莱纳德Leonard,look,如果你想见我的朋友当然很好啦if you want to meet my friends,that would be great. 我只是不想让你觉得太无聊I just,you know,I didn't want you to be bored.我才不会觉得无聊呢I wouldn't be bored.为什么我会无聊Why would I be bored?因为他们不是天才科学家啊Well,'cause they're not genius scientists.佩妮我喜欢各种各样的人Penny,I like all sorts of people.事实上我最好的一些朋友并不是天才In fact,some of my best friends aren't geniuses.比如说Like who?好吧我的某些Facebook朋友不是天才Okay,some of my Facebook friends aren't geniuses. 重点在于如果我们要成为一对My point is,if we're going to be a couple,我应该是你朋友的朋友I should be friends with your friends.好啊太棒了那你下周六Okay,great. Well,then why don't you跟我们一起看橄榄球比赛吧come over next Saturday and watch the game with us. 又有橄榄球赛吗Another football game?橄榄球赛每周都有的They have them every week.不知道这回事Did not know that.-你想见我的朋友-当然- You wanted to meet my friends. - Sure.当然但是我对橄榄球不大了解Sure,just I don't know much about football.那没关系很多男生的Oh,that's okay-- a lot of the guys'女朋友完全不懂橄榄球girlfriends don't know football.她们就只在厨房边喝酒边聊天They just kind of drink and talk in the kitchen."真不错"Great.好的成功的传球Okay,a complete pass.一档新英格兰First down,New England.我觉得我开始有点明白了I think I'm starting to get this.真的吗Really?过去两小时中我唯一学到的The only thing I've learned in the last two hours就是美国男人喜欢喝啤酒is that American men love drinking beer,尿太多导致勃起障碍pee too often and have trouble getting erections.把精力放比赛上而不是广告拉杰Focus on the game,not the commercials,Raj.我只是说如果人们能减少啤酒摄入I'm just saying,maybe if you people cut back on the beer, 就可以从厕所中解脱出来you could get out of the bathroom在不使用医药帮助的情况下满足他的女人and satisfy your women without pharmaceutical help.拉杰你在这儿干嘛呢Raj,what are you doing here?你本该帮我改装我的小摩托You were supposed to help me pimp out my Vespa.对不起I'm sorry,你还沉浸在我们仍是朋友的印象中吗are you under the impression that we're still friends?别这样Oh,come on.你不会还在纠结风筝的事情吧You're not still grinding on the kite thing,are you?这不仅仅是风筝的事情It's not just the kite thing.每次我们出去玩你都认为你可以随时Every time we go some place,you think you can just把我丢下去追路过的漂亮美眉dump me whenever someone prettier comes along,尽管你跟她们完全没可能even though you don't have a shot with them.我跟那个跑步的有可能成的I had a shot with that jogger.行啊那找她与你一起往你的小绵羊上画绿焰去Fine. Paint green flames on your little scooter with her. 那不是小绵羊It's not a little scooter.那是他们造的第二大小摩托It's the second biggest Vespa they make!你在看橄榄球Are you watching football?没跟你开玩笑There's no fooling you.屏幕上的"sacks"数据又是什么Now,what is this sacks statistic they put up there?我只知道我妈经常去"Sacks"商店买东西All I know about Sacks is,my mother shops there. Sacks sacksSacks,sacks...这是个橄榄球术语用于四分卫It's football nom for when a quarterback is tackled在启球线之后被擒倒behind the line of scrimmage.启球Scrimmage.启球线是一条假想的横截线The line of scrimmage is the imaginary transverse line 用于区分进攻方与防守方separating the offense from the defense.谢尔顿懂橄榄球Sheldon knows football?很显然他懂Apparently.魁地奇他肯定懂橄榄球他也懂?I mean,Quidditch,sure. But football?谢尔顿你怎么知道这个Sheldon,how do you know this stuff?我可是在德克萨斯长大的I grew up in Texas.橄榄球在德克萨斯无处不在Football is ubiquitous in Texas:职业橄榄球大学橄榄球Pro football,college football,高中橄榄球初中橄榄球high school football,peewee football...事实上所有种类的橄榄球都有除了最原始的In fact,every form of football except the original--欧式橄榄球European football.而大部分德克萨斯人认为这是共产党阴谋Which most Texans believe to be a Commie plot.真难以置信Unbelivable.如果你感兴趣我还知道所有If you're interested,I also know all about frying meat 似鸡非鸡的炸肉排的相关知识that isn't chicken as if it were chicken.那你能教我吗So you could teach me?橄榄球还是炸肉排Football or chicken-fried meats?橄榄球Football.我周日要去佩妮家I'm going to Penny's on Saturday跟她的朋友们看比赛to watch a game with her friends我不想自己看上去像个白痴我想融入进去and I don't want to look lik an idiot. I want to blend in. 如果你想融入佩妮的朋友圈If you want to blend in with Penny's friends,我觉得扮作个白痴I'd think looking like an idiot会是完美的伪装would be the perfect camouflage.别这样谢尔顿教我橄榄球吧Come on,Sheldon,please teach me about football.会很有趣的It'll be fun.这跟我爸说的完全一样That's exactly what my father said."来看球赛吧去看球赛吧""Come to the games. Watch the games."周复一周的Week in and week out from the time从五岁直到我上大学I was five until I went off to college.人生当中最漫长的七年Longest seven years of my life.求你了这是朋友的请求Please,I'm asking you as a friend.你要将这作为一级友情请求吗Are you making this a tier one friendship request?是的Yes.那好吧Fine.-我非常感谢-算了算了- I really appreciate this. - Yeah,yeah.那好呆子闭嘴坐下听好All right,Poindexter,sit down,shut up and listen.你说啥I'm sorry?我老爸每次讲到橄榄球的话题That's how my father always began都是这个开场白our football conversations.如果你想的话And if you'd like,比赛后after the game,我还可以带你出去I'll take you outside and teach you how to shoot教你射会自己便便的浣熊Close enough to racoon that craps itself.你能别再摆弄赛昂吐司了吗(太空堡垒卡拉狄加里的人类天敌) When are you going to stop making Cylon toast?待我囤积的吐司大军足以毁灭传说中When I have enough to destroy all the human toast太空堡垒卡拉狄加上的人类吐司之后on the battlestar known as Galactica.你就穿这去佩妮那儿看橄榄球吗Is that what you're wearing to watch football at Penny's?这件球衣咋不对劲了What's wrong with a football jersey?没啥Nothing.只是看上去更像特制橄榄球鸡尾酒That,however,appears to be a football cocktail dress.这是最小号的I's the smallest size they had,除了狗狗衫以外except the one for dogs.难以置信居然还有专门的狗狗衫I can't believe they had one for dogs.当然有了Oh,yes.犬类球迷在德州司空见惯Canine football fans are a common sight in Texas.但是猫咪却不肯穿运动服Cats,however,refuse to wear sporting apparel.我姐有过惨痛教训My sister found that out the hard way.管他的祝我好运吧Anyway,wish me luck.等等莱纳德Leonard,wait.你是想通过结交佩妮的朋友Am I correct in assuming that your attempt to be accepted 来维持你俩间的性爱关系by Penny's pair to ensure我这么假设没错吧your continuing mating privileges with her?对我来说不尽然如此Well,I wouldn't put it exactly that way那到底是怎样How would you put it?好吧其实就是你说的那样Yeah,okay,like you said.看来要经历一段性关系Huh. Seems like an awful lot of trouble还真是麻烦得要命to go through for intercourse.你就不能花钱找个妓女吗Don't you have access to women who will do it for money? 顺便By the way.在这种语境下也可以"嗬"一声Another accepted usage for the term "ho."再见谢尔顿Good-bye,Sheldon.等下Hold on我认为按照社会传统规定I believe that social convention你可不能两手空空地上门dictate you not arriving empty-handed.带些赛昂吐司吧Would you like to bring some Cylon toast?不带我想融入其中才不想被嘲笑Yeah,no,I'm trying to fit in,not get laughed at.赛昂吐司有啥好笑What's funny about Cylon toast?门没锁It's open.好啊哥们儿Hey,pal.你来干嘛What do you want?我给你带了件小礼物I brought you a little gift.一只新风筝New kite.你害我输掉的那只可是正宗的帕唐风筝The kite you made me lose was an authentic Patang, 是我兄弟从新德里给我寄来的Indian fighting kite印度战斗风筝that my brother sent to me from New Delhi.我组装了一整天两天用来上色It took me a day to put together and two days to paint. 而这是Hello KittyThis is Hello Kitty.没错但这可附带一只零钱袋呢Yeah,but it comes with a little coin purse.帕唐风筝有吗Does a Patang?你还是不懂是吗Wow,you just don't get it,do you?就算你给我买什么可爱的小玩意Buying me something pretty isn't going也不能解决问题to make our problem just go away.听我说我有时候的确Look,I admit I haven't always been不是一个绝佳好友the best friend I could be.你根本就是超级烂友烂到极点Y've been a sucky friend,a sucky,sucky friend.没说错Stipulated.你一直都这样And you do it all the time.上周在Radio Shack商场(美国电子产品零售商) Last week in the mall at Radio Shack,we were looking 我们在帮你妈找一部超大号码键的电话for a phone with giant numbers for your mother,而我一转眼你居然就不见了and I suddenly realize you're not even there.-我知道-你去哪儿了- I know,I know... - And Where were you?被HDOS快餐店的一个女孩儿勾走了Getting shot down by the girl at Hot Dog on a Stick. 听我解释她实在很火辣嘛But in my defense,she was gorgeous!一边用榨汁机做柠檬汁And working that squeezer to make the lemonade,一边上下扭腰摆臀的going and down and up and down.简直就是在美食天地中It was like a free pole dance免费欣赏钢管舞嘛right in the middle of the food court.你真是不可理喻You're impossible.至少我不用喝醉酒Hey,at least I can talk to women就能和女人交谈自如without being drunk.不好意思我这是选择性缄默症Excuse me,I have selective mutism,被鉴定为是生理疾病a recognized medical disorder.你呢你不过是个脑残You're just a douche.不知道吗No. You know what?也许这才是原因Maybe that's what this whole thing's about.你不是在生我的气You're not mad at me,而是气你自己you're mad at yourself.不我就是生你的气No,I'm mad at you.我是讨厌自己但我还是生你的气I hate myself,but I'm mad at you.好吧你生我气我明白Fine. You're mad at me. I get it.何不今天咱一起过How about we go spend the day together?就我们俩Just the two of us.你想去哪儿都成We'll go anywhere you want.我不知道I don't know.别这样嘛Come on.我带你去好玩的地方Let me take you someplace nice.我很喜欢沥青坑博物馆(展出动物化石的公园) I-I do enjoy the La Brea Tar Pits.现在去那交通和停车问题Really,now? With the traffic and the parking?管他的走Okay,fine.沥青坑我们来啦The Tar Pits. Let's go.我怎么就对你没辙呢Oh,why can't I stay mad at you?上啊上啊Go! Go! Go!快上太好了Go-go-go-go! Yes!你们没看到吗Are you people watching this?这真是太棒了Is this amazing or what?亲爱的现在放的是Sweetie,that's a highlight98年冠军赛的比赛集锦from the '98 championship game.我不知道Oh. Did not know that.-你喝了多少-没喝怎么- How much beer have you had? - None,why?没啥我只是希望你喝醉了Oh. I was just kind of hoping you were drunk.-现在回到现场直播了-好- Now we're back live. - Okay,yeah.我能看出跟之前的差别I can see the difference.怎么不掷黄旗那绝对是故意出界Oh,where's the flag? That's intentional grounding.-绝对的-那完全就是个向前传球- Totally. - That completely was a forward pass,也就是说他们故意传球不成功Which they threw intentionally incomplete以免被罚码数或为了节省时间To avoid loss of yardage or to conserve time我真不敢相信裁判甚至不I can't believe they're not罚掉他们失去一次进攻机会Being penalized with the loss of a down并将启球线And by having to move the line of scrimmage移回到犯规的地方重新开始进攻Back to the spot of the foul.来吃块披萨亲爱的Here,have some pizza,sweetie.佩妮你知道我有乳糖不耐症的Penny,you know I'm lactose intolerant.我知道我只想让你别说话I know. I just need you stop talking.佩妮佩妮佩妮Penny. Penny. Penny.-谢尔顿进来吧-谢谢- Sheldon,come in. - Thank you.我想做三明治但没面包了I'd like to make a sandwich,but I'm out of bread.冰箱里有There's some in the fridge.你不该把面包放冰箱里的You shouldn't keep your bread in the refrigerator.淀粉分子间的结晶作用会让面包变硬Staleness is caused by crystallization of the starch molecules, 在低温条件下这一过程会加速Which occurs faster at cool temperatures.在地球上我们都说"谢谢"On Earth,we say "thank you."莱纳德鹦鹉学舌得怎么样So Leonard,how goes the mimesis?鹦鹉学舌"Mimesis"?你知道的鹦鹉学舌You know. Mimesis.就是鹦鹉学着某个特定的目标或人物An action in which the mimic takes on the properties模仿他们的行为of a specific object or organism.鹦鹉学舌Mimesis.你到底在说什么啊What the hell are you talking about?我是在跟你交流I'm attempting to communicate with you又不想让你周围的人明白Without my meaning becoming apparent to those around you. 我再试一次好了Let me try again.这几个"本地物种"Have the indigenous fauna接受你为他们中一员了吗Accepted you as one of their own?咯吱咯吱使使眼色Nudge,nudge,wink,wink.我想是吧Oh,I guess so.很好顺便提醒你Good. Oh,FYI.我吃完三明治之后我就带库萨帕里的After I eat my sandwich,I'm taking Koothrappali's帕唐风筝出去试飞一下Patang kite out for a test run.你想带着你的三角翼猛禽跟我一起去吗Would you like to get your delta-wing raptor and join me?谢尔顿我不想去放风筝I don't want to fly kites,Sheldon.我们正看球赛呢We're watching football here.我看得出来I can see that.只是给你另外一个选择而已I was providing you with an alternative.而且是之前从未在类似情况下提供过的恩惠A courtesy I was never offered in similar circumstances.快看Oh,look at that.俄克拉荷马的主教练掷红旗The Oklahoma coach throw down a red flag表明他对场上裁决表示异议Indicating he's challenging the ruling on the field.希望他是对的不然的话I hope he's right,'cause if he'not,他就要付出三次暂停中的一次作为代价了It'll cost him one of his three time-outs.莱纳德亲爱的You know,Leonard,honey,你想跟谢尔顿出去斗风筝的话我不介意的I wouldn't mind if you wanted to go fly kites with Sheldon. 不我想看完这比赛No,I'll watch the end of the game.再说反正也就剩三分钟了Besides,there's only three minutes left.上半场剩三分钟Until halftime.才到上半场结束This is justalf?都几个小时了We've been here for hours.还得再有几个小时And you're gonna be here for a couple more.-你开什么玩笑-没开玩笑- Oh,you're kidding me. - No.很高兴见到各位Nice meeting all of you.是啊那啥那就是我男朋友So,yeah,anyway,that's my boyfriend.他真的很聪明He is really smart.这剑齿猫[即剑齿虎]我真的很喜欢I really like my saber-toothed cat.谢谢你Thank you.别客气My pleasure.也许午饭后我们还可以去圣安东尼奥餐厅Maybe after lunch,we can go to Marie Callender's吃几个派And have some pie.我很想去I'd like it.这真是一个完美的周六This is turning out to be a perfect Saturday.很好我很荣幸Good.I'm glad.兄弟看到她怎么对我笑了吗Oh,man. Did you see the way she smiled at me?好吧你去好了Fine. Go ahead.不行今儿就我们俩过No. This is our day.想去追的话就去吧If you want to chase after her,chase after her.开什么玩笑那样的女孩我一点机会都没有的Ah,who am I kidding? I wouldn't have a shot with a girl like that. 别这么妄自菲薄Don't put yourself down.你还是很有吸引力的You're a very attractive man.-你真这么想-对- You think so? - Yeah.当然虽然我不会强迫你跟我去上Absolutely. It wouldn't kill you普拉提锻炼肌肉To take a Pilates class with me now and then,但你的竹竿身材还是有点吸引力的But you have a certain wiry appeal是啊都无所谓了Yeah,well,it doesn't matter因为她又没真的对我笑'cause she wasn't really smiling at me.事实上这次我觉得她确实有Actually,in this case,I think she was.真的Really?-真的-回见- Yeah. - Bye.真是个傻瓜What a douche.。

基本信息中文名: 生活大爆炸[1]第三季美剧《生活大爆炸第三季》海报酷优网提供英文名称: The Big Bang Theory Season3版本: [双语字幕][][RMVB+HR-HDTV]电视台: 美国CBS电视台首播时间: 2009年演员: Johnny Galecki ... Leonard Hofstadter (18 episodes, 2007-2008)Jim Parsons ... Sheldon Cooper (18 episodes, 2007-2008)Kaley Cuoco ... Penny (18 episodes,2007-2008)Simon Helberg ... Howard Wolowitz (18 episodes, 2007-2008)Kunal Nayyar ... Rajnesh Koothrappali / ... (18 episodes, 2007-2008)地区: 美国语言: 英语剧情介绍（译自CBS官方新闻发布稿）这是一部以"科学天才" 为背景的情景喜剧，这倒非常罕见。

主人公Leonard (Johnny Galecki,生活大爆炸第三季剧照(5张) "Roseanne") 和Sheldon (Jim Parsons "Judging Amy")是一对好朋友，他们的智商绝对高人一等，因为他们对量子物理学理论可以倒背如流，无论你问他们什么问题，都难不倒他们。

但是说到日常生活，这两个不修边幅的男孩就彻底没了脾气－－生活中柴米油盐这些看似简单的事情，却让他们有迷失在太空里一样的感觉，他们所掌握的那些科学原理在这里根本没有用武之地。

直到有一天……隔壁搬来一位美貌性感的女孩Penny (Kaley Cuoco, "8 SimpleRules...")，顿时吸引了两人的目光。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E06 – The Cornhusker VortexScene: The stairwell. The guys are carrying kites.Leonard: Kites, ho!Howard: Kites ho!Raj: Kites ho!All three: Kites, ho!Sheldon: Excuse me. You’re misusing the word ho. It’s an interjection used to call attention to a destination, not an object, as in, uh, Land, ho! Or, uh, Westward, ho!The three guys: Kites, ho!Penny: Hey, guys. What you doing? Going out to discover electricity?Sheldon:If you’re referring to the work of Benjamin Franklin, he did not discover electricity, he merely used a kite to determine that lightning consists of electricity. He also invented the Franklin stove, bifocals and the flexible urinary catheter. Kites, ho.Leonard: We’re heading out for some kite fighting. Penny: Kite fighting?Leonard:Oh, yeah. It’s an extremely competitive, cutthroat sport.Sheldon: Well, actually, the risk of throat cutting is very low. On the other hand, severe string burn is a real and ever-Present danger.Leonard: You want to come watch?Penny: Oh, gee, sounds amazing, but, um, I’ve got some friends coming over. Not a big thing, we’re just gonna watch the Nebraska game.Leonard: Oh. Football, sure.Howard: Good guess.Penny:I would’ve invited you, but I know you’re not a football fan.Leonard: No, no, I’m not, so, great. You’ve got plans doing something you like, I’ve got plans doing something I like, so it’s good.Penny:Well, maybe we’ll hang out later, you know, after everybody’s gone.Leonard: Yeah, great.Penny: See ya.Leonard: Well, this sucks.Sheldon:I’m sorry, I got bored and drifted off. Where exactly in the interaction did the sucking lie? Raj:Leonard just realized that Penny’s been hiding him from her friends because he’s a tiny, little man who flies kites.Sheldon: Oh, that certainly would suck.Credits sequence.Scene: The park.Sheldon: Wolowitz is trying to outflank us. Let out some string, add altitude and I’ll go under and cut his line.Leonard: Why wouldn’t Penny want her friends to meet me?Sheldon: Focus, Leonard, focus! The heat of battle is upon us, the dogs of war are unleashed. Leonard: Maybe Koothrappali’s right, maybe I embarrass her.Sheldon: You’re embarrassing me right now, a grown man worrying about such nonsense when in the middle of flying kites.Leonard: Sorry.Sheldon: Sorry won’t bring their kites down. Ow! String burn! String burn!Raj: Oh, they think we’re flanking, they’re playing right into our hands. On the count of three, we execute the flying scissor. One, two…Howard: Whoa! Did you see that?Raj: See what?Howard: That chick, she smiled at me.Raj: No, she didn’t.Howard: Yes, she did.Raj: Come on, scissors, scissors!Howard: Hold my line.Raj:Wait, what are you doing? I can’t scissors by myself! Howard! Come back!Sheldon: Victory!Raj: Son of a bitch.Scene: Leonard’s car.Raj: You’re a sucky friend, you know that? A sucky, sucky friend.Howard: What was I supposed to do? She gave me that come-hither look.Raj: If she gave you any look at l. It was a you suck look.Howard: I would’ve caught up to her if I hadn’t pulled a hammy.Raj:Oh, please, you weigh 80 pounds. You don’t have a hammy.Leonard: So, Penny doesn’t want me around her friends, I embarrass her. What else could it be? Sheldon: Well, her actions could be out of concern for your f eelings. Perhaps she’s excluded you from these gatherings because she’s scouting for a new mate and doesn’t want to do it in front of you. Leonard: Oh, how kind of her.Sheldon:Agreed. Most primates don’t show that sort of discretion. A female bonobo will copulate with a new male in front of the old one without so much as a how do you do?Raj: You always do this, you know? You ditch me for a woman you don’t have a shot with. Howard: I totally had a shot.Raj: With a woman you were chasing through a park? T hat’s not a shot, that’s a felony. What’s worse, it cost me my prized Patang fighting kite. Sheldon, I don’t suppose there’s any chance you could give me my kite back?Sheldon:I’m sorry, Raj, but the rules of aerial warfare dictate at the fallen kite go to the victor. And without rules, the competition has no meaning. And without meaning, the following would be an empty gesture. (Sings) I have your kite. I have your kite.Scene: Penny’s apartment.Leonard: Hey.Penny: Hi.Leonard: How was your football party?Penny: I t was pretty good. We won.Leonard:Oh, that’s excellent. It’s a weird figure of speech, isn’t it, we won when you weren’tactually playing. When we watch Star Wars, we don’t say, we defeated the Empire.Penny:I’m glad to hear it.Leonard: Oh, hey, on a related subject, are you embarrassed to have me around your friends? Penny: Oh, my god, no. Why would you ask that? Leonard:Well, you know, I just noticed I haven’t really met any of them.Penny: Sure you have.Leonard:Well, yeah, no, I met the huge ex-boyfriend and the smaller yet still larger than me ex-boyfriend. Were they here today?Penny: Of course not.Leonard: Of course not. Why would they be? Why would I ask? Why am I rambling? Why don’t you stop me?Penny:Leonard, look, if you want to meet my friends, that would be great. I just, you know, I didn’t want you to be bored.Leonard: I wouldn’t be bored. Why would I be bored?Penny: Well, ’cause they’re not genius scientists. Leonard: Penny, I like all sorts of people. In fact, some of my best friends aren’t geniuses.Penny: Like who?Leonard: Okay, some of my Facebook friends aren’t geniuses. My point is, if we’re going to be a couple, I should be friends with your friends. Penny: Okay, great. Well, then why don’t you come over next Saturday and watch the game with us. Leonard: Another football game?Penny: They have them every week.Leonard: Did not know that.Penny: You wanted to meet my friends. Leonard: Sure, sure, just I don’t know much about football.Penny: Oh, that’s okay, a lot of the guys’ girlfriends don’t know football. They just kind of drink and talk in the kitchen.Leonard: Great.Scene: The apartment. Leonard and Raj are watching a football game on the television. Leonard: Okay, a complete pass. First down, New England. I think I’m starting to get this.Raj: Really? The only thing I’ve learned in the last two hours is that American men love drinking beer, pee too often and have trouble getting erections. Leonard: Focus on the game, not the commercials, Raj.Raj: I’m just sa ying, maybe if you people cut back on the beer, you could get out of the bathroom and satisfy your women without pharmaceutical help. Howard (arriving): Raj, what are you doing here? You were supposed to help me pimp out my Vespa. Raj:I’m sorry, are you u nder the impression that we’re still friends?Howard: Oh come on, you’re not still grinding on the kite thing, are you?Raj:It’s not just the kite thing. Every time we go some place, you think you can just dump me whenever someone prettier comes along, even though you don’t have a shot with them.Howard: But I had a shot with that jogger.Raj: Fine. Paint green flames on your little scooter with her. (Leaves)Howard: It’s not a little scooter. It’s the second biggest Vespa they make! Are you watching football?Leonard:There’s no fooling you. Now, what is this sacks statistic they put up there?Howard: All I know about Saks is, my mother shops there.Leonard: Sacks, sacks…Sheldon:It’s football nomenclature for when a quarterback is tackled behind the line of scrimmage.Leonard:Huh… Scrimmage…Sheldon:The line of scrimmage is the imaginary transverse line separating the offence from the defence.Leonard: Oh.Howard: Sheldon knows football?Leonard: Apparently.Howard: I mean, Quidditch, sure. But football? Leonard: Sheldon, how do you know this stuff? Sheldon: I grew up in Texas. Football is ubiquitous in Texas. Pro football, college football, high school football, peewee football, in fact, every form of football except the original, European football, which most Texans believe to be a Commie plot. Leonard: Unbelievable.Sheldon:If you’re interested, I also know all about frying meat that isn’t chicken as if it were chicken. Leonard: So you could teach me?Sheldon: Football or chicken-fried meats? Leonard: Football. I’m going to Penny’s on Saturday to watch a game with her friends and I don’t want to look like an idiot. I want to blend in. Sheldon: I f you want to blend in with Penny’s friends, I’d think looking like an idiot would be the perfect camouflage.Leonard: Come on, Sheldon, please teach me about football. It’ll be fun.Sheldon: That’s exactly what my father said. Come to the games, watch the games, week in and week out from the time I was five until I went off to college. Longest seven years of my life. Leonard: Please, I’m asking you as a friend. Sheldon: Are you making this a tier one friendship request? Leonard: Yes.Sheldon: Fine.Leonard: I really appreciate this.Sheldon: Yeah, yeah. All right, Poindexter, sit down, shut up and listen.Leonard:I’m sorry?Sheldon: That’s how my father always began our football conversations. And if you’d like, after the game, I’ll take you outside and teach you how to shoot close enough to a racoon that it craps itself.Scene: The kitchen. Sheldon is making toast in a cylon toaster which burns an image of a cylon onto the toast.Leonard: When are you going to stop making Cylon toast?Sheldon: When I have enough to destroy all the human toast on the battlestar known as Galactica. Is that what you’re wearing to watch football at Penny’s?Leonard: What’s wrong with a football jersey? Sheldon: Nothing. That, however, appears to be a football cocktail dress.Leonard:I’s the smallest size they had, except the one for dogs. I can’t believe they had one for dogs. Sheldon: Oh, yes. Canine football fans are a common sight in Texas. Cats, however, refuse to wear sporting apparel. My sister found that out the hard way.Leonard: Anyway, wish me luck.Sheldon: Leonard, wait. Am I correct in assuming that your attempt to be a ccepted by Penny’s peers is based on your desire to ensure your continuing mating privileges with her?Leonard:Well, I wouldn’t put it exactly that way. Sheldon: How would you put it?Leonard: Y eah, okay, like you said.Sheldon: Huh. Seems like an awful lot of trouble to go through for intercourse. Don’t you have access to women who will do it for money? By the way, another accepted usage for the term ho. Leonard: Good-Bye, Sheldon.Sheldon: Hold on I believe that social convention dictate you not arrive empty-Handed. Would you like to bring some Cylon toast?Leonard:Yeah, no, I’m trying to fit in, not get laughed at.Sheldon:What’s funny about Cylon toast?Scene: Raj’s apartment. Raj is watching a Bollywood movie. There is a knock on the door. Raj: It’s open.Howard: Hey, pal.Raj: What do you want?Howard: I brought you a little gift. New kite.Raj: The kite you made me lose was an authentic Patang, an Indian fighting kite that my brother sent to me from New Delhi. It took me a day to put together and two days to paint. This is Hello Kitty. Howard: Yeah, but it comes with a little coin purse. Does a Patang?Raj: Wow, you just don’t get it, do you? Buying me something pretty isn’t going to make our problem just go away.Howard: Look, I admit I haven’t alw ays been the best friend I could be.Raj: You’ve been a sucky friend, a sucky, sucky friend.Howard: Stipulated.Raj: And you do it all the time. Last week in the mall at Radio Shack, we were looking for a phone with giant numbers for your mother, and I suddenly realize you’re not even there.Howard: I know, I know.Raj: And where were you?Howard: Getting shot down by the girl at Hot Dog on a Stick. But in my defence, she was gorgeous, and working that squeezer to make the lemonade, going up and down and up and down. It was like a free pole dance right in the middle of the food court. Raj:You’re impossible.Howard: Hey, at least I can talk to women without being drunk.Raj: Excuse me, I have selective mutism, a recognized medical disorder. You’re just a do uche. Howard: No. You know what? Maybe that’s what this whole thing’s about. You’re not mad at me, you’re mad at yourself.Raj:No, I’m mad at you. I hate myself, but I’m mad at you.Howard: Fine. You’re mad at me. I get it. Now, how about we go spend the day together? Just the two of us. We’ll go anywhere you want.Raj: I don’t know.Howard: Come on. Let me take you someplace nice. Raj:I… I do enjoy the La Brea Tar Pits.Howard: Really, now? With the traffic and the parking, it’s… okay, fine. The Tar Pits. Let’s go. Raj: Oh, why can’t I stay mad at you?Scene: Penny’s apartment. Everyone is watching football.Leonard: Go! Go! Go! Go-Go-Go-Go! Yes! Are you people watching this? Is this amazing or what? Penny:Sweetie, that’s a highlight from the ’98 championship game.Leonard: Oh. Did not know that.Penny: How much beer have you had? Leonard: None, why?Penny: Oh. I was just kind of hoping you were drunk. Now we’re back live.Leonard: Okay, yeah. I can see the difference. Guy in baseball hat:Oh, where’s the flag, that’s intentional grounding.Second guy: Totally.Leonard: That completely was a forward pass, which they threw intentionally incomplete to avoid loss of yardage or to conserve time. I can’t believe they’re not being penalized with the loss of a d own and by having to move the line of scrimmage back to the spot of the foul.Penny: Here, have some pizza, sweetie. Leonard: Penny, you know I’m lactose intolerant. Penny: I know. I just need you stop talking. Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny.(Knock, knock, knock) Penny.Penny: Sheldon, come in.Sheldon: Thank you. I’d like to make a sandwich, but I’m out of bread.Penny: There’s some in the fridge.Sheldon:You shouldn’t keep your bread in the refrigerator. Staleness is caused by crystallization of the starch molecules, which occurs faster at cool temperatures.Penny: On Earth, we say thank you.Sheldon: So Leonard, how goes the mimesis? Leonard: Mimesis?Sheldon: You know. Mimesis. An action in which the mimic takes on the properties of a specific object or organism. Mimesis.Leonard: What the hell are you talking about? Sheldon: I’m attempting to communicate with youwithout my meaning becoming apparent to those around you. Let me try again. Have the indigenous fauna accepted you as one of their own? Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.Leonard: Oh, I guess so.Sheldon: Good. Oh, FYI. After I eat my sandwich, I’m taking Koothrappali’s Patang kite out for a test run. Would you like to get your delta-wing raptor and join me?Leonard: I don’t want to fly kites, Sheldon. We’re watching football here.Sheldon: I can see that. I was providing you with an alternative. A courtesy I was never offered in similar circumstances.Leonard:Oh, look at that. The Oklahoma coach has thrown down a red flag indicating he’s challenging the ruling on the field. I hope he’s right, ’cause if he’s not, it’ll cost him one of his three time-Outs.Penny: You know, Leonard, honey, I wouldn’t mind if you wanted to go fly kites with Sheldon. Leonard: No, I’ll watch the end of the game. Besides, there’s only three minutes left.Penny: Until half time.Leonard: This is just half? We’ve been here for hours.Penny: And you’re gonna be here for a couple more.Leonard:Oh, you’re kidding me.Penny: No.Leonard: Nice meeting all of you.Penny: So, yeah, anyway, that’s my boyfriend. He is really smart.Scene: The Le Brea Tar Pits.Raj: I really like my saber-toothed cat. Thank you. Howard: My pleasure. Maybe after lunch, we can go to Marie Callender’s and have some pie.Raj: I’d like that. This is turning out to be a perfect Saturday.Howard: Good. I’m glad. Oh, man. Did you see the way she smiled at me?Raj: Fine. Go ahead.Howard: No. This is our day.Raj: If you want to chase after her, chase after her. Howard: Ah, who am I kidding? I wouldn’t have a shot with a girl like that.Raj:Don’t put yourself down. You’re a very attractive man.Howard: You think so?Raj: Yeah. Absolutely. It wouldn’t kill you to take a Pilates class with me now and then, but you have a certain wiry appeal.Howard:Yeah, well, it doesn’t matter ‘cause she wasn’t really smiling at me.Raj: Actually, in this case, I think she was. Howard: Really?Raj: Yeah.Howard: Bye.Raj: What a douche.。

哇谢尔顿真不敢相信你居然自创了游戏Wow, Sheldon, I cannot believe you made up your own game. "研究实验室"可不仅仅是游戏Oh, "Research Lab" is more than a game.就像这标语写的"物理虽然只存在于理论中It's like the slogan says: "The physics is theoretical,但其中的快乐却是实实在在的"but the fun is real."那我们现在肯定玩的不对We must not be playing it right.好五All right, five.一二三四五One, two, three, four, five.喔看呐Oh, wow, look at that.我的国防部科研资金再度下拨My Department of Defense research grant is renewed.掷得好Oh! Great roll!现在你可以拆了你的苏式回旋加速器Now you can demolish your Soviet-style cyclotron然后建造一个大型强子对撞机and build the large Hadron Collider.吔Yay.你玩这个很有天赋佩妮You're a natural at this, Penny.作为首批第二版测试者你们会在周日And as the first beta testers, you two'll have quite the edge 与沃罗威茨和库萨帕里的对决上获得不小优势when we play with Wolowitz and Koothrappali on Sunday. 天呐谢尔顿Oh, gee, Sheldon,我不认为我们周日能来玩I don't think we can play on Sunday.为什么Why not?原因佩妮现在告诉你Because of the reasons that Penny will now tell you.佩妮Penny?事实上我要去机场接我的朋友贾斯汀Actually, I have to pick up my friend Justin from the airport.听到了吧她必须去机场接她的朋友贾斯汀There you go-- she has to pick up her friend Justin at the airport. 而且我玩不了因为我要和她一起去对吗And I can't play 'cause I'm going with her-- right?对如果你想的话Um, yeah, if you want.我是说车子也许没有空间了I mean, there may not be room.他带了好多东西比如吉他和放大器什么的He's got a lot of stuff--like guitars and amplifiers...等等Wait.你在说什么呢What are you talking about?我朋友贾斯汀My friend Justin.注意力集中点莱纳德Pay attention, Leonard.这是她周日不能来的原因That's why she can't play on Sunday.这个贾斯汀是谁Who is this Justin?-到你了莱纳德-我跟你提过他- Your turn, Leonard. - I told you about him.-你没有-掷骰子莱纳德- No, you didn't. - Roll the dice, Leonard.有的我一个来自奥马哈并玩吉他的朋友{\c plays the guitar.不论如何他要来洛杉矶找些演奏的工作Anyway, he's coming to L.A. looking for some session work, 所以我跟他说可以在我家的沙发上睡几个星期so I told him he could just crash on my couch for a few weeks. 快点莱纳德如果你掷了六Come on, Leonard--if you roll a six,佩妮就会在核外泄中惨死Penny dies horribly in a nuclear meltdown.明白我为什么说乐趣是实实在在的了吗See what I mean when I say the fun is real?等等Hang on.某男要去睡你的沙发Some guy is going to be sleeping on your couch?他不是"某男"He's not "some guy."他是我朋友He's my friend.你说的"朋友" 是指"朋友般的朋友"So by "friend," do you mean "friend friend," "同性恋朋友"还是"gay friend," or "ex-boyfriend"前男友兼现在你正柏拉图式暗恋"who you're now platonic with且有可能发生关系的朋友"but still might have a thing for you friend"? 他肯定不是同性恋Well, he's definitely not gay.肯定不是同性恋的音乐人Oh, ho-ho, a definitely not gay musician睡在我女朋友的沙发上sleeping on my girlfriend's couch.真开心Yippee.好吧我们很久之前是曾经拍拖过Okay, we went out a little bit, a long time ago. 但绝对不是正在拍拖But we were never like "going out."不是为了表示我很有学问但是上一次我查证Okay, not to be pedantic, but last I checked"曾经拍拖"实际上是"正在拍拖的"过去式"went out" was in fact the past tense of "going out"-- 并且地球人都知道这是"坦诚相见"的which I think we all know is a popular euphemism委婉说法for "saw each other naked."干脆我来替你掷好了I'll just roll for you.你对贾斯汀跟我住有意见吗Do you have a problem with Justin staying with me? 你当初是怎么想的What was your first clue?糟糕工业事故Uh-oh! Industrial accident.告诉你跟我说话的时候别把我当白痴You know what? Don't talk to me like I'm an idiot.我跟你说话时没把你当做白痴I'm not talking to you like you're an idiot!我是说这整件事很愚蠢I'm saying the whole idea is idiotic!"你一不小心直视氦氩激光"You accidentally stare at a helium-argon laser.暂停一轮并失去一只眼睛的视网膜"Lose one turn and a retina."难道你不是把我当白痴How is that not talking to me like I'm an idiot?那是我的朋友我的沙发It's my friend, it's my couch,是我TM自己的生活and it's my freakin' life!也到你掷骰子了It's also your roll.没错那是你的生活You know what? It is your life.你要是想让什么狗屁吉他手睡你的沙发上随你If you want to have some stupid guitarist stay on your couch, then fine! 那你干嘛不租几张Why don't you just rent双层床然后把黑眼豆豆请来some bunk beds and invite The Black Eyed Peas?!听着如果我想邀请整个洛拉帕罗扎音乐节的Hey, if I want to invite the entire lineup of Lollapalooza阵容来我公寓睡觉我绝对会的to sleep in my apartment, I will,而且这与你无关and it's none of your business!你在听自己都说了些什么吗Are you listening to yourself?你知道你现在听起来是多么的小孩子气吗Do you know how childish you sound right now? 哦现在我变小孩子了Oh, now I'm a child?至少我再也不是白痴了Well, at least I'm not an idiot anymore!这两个词可不是互斥的The two aren't mutually exclusive!你真是个...Oh, you are such a--他这是TMD在干嘛呢What the hell is he doing?!他要把我们逼出去He's drowning us out.他不喜欢吵架He doesn't like fighting.谢尔顿快停下来吵架结束了Sheldon, just stop! Look, the fight is over!还有仅供参考Oh, and FYI,你在遇到我之前根本就没听说过you never even heard of The Black Eyed Peas黑眼豆豆until you met me!我听说过他们I heard of 'em!只不过不知道他们是个组合罢了Didn't know they were a band.谢尔顿她已经走了Sheldon, she's gone.你可以关掉搅拌机了You can turn off the blender.你的恋爱关系已经到了一定要丑陋结束的地步吗Has your relationship reached its inevitable ugly end? 不我们只是有了点小争执No, we just had a little spat.往好的一面想想Look on the bright side.作为对佩妮的惩罚As a result of Penny's forfeit你成为了世界首位"研究实验室"的胜者you have become the world's first winner of "Research Lab." 你要来份纪念沙冰吗Would you like a commemorative snow cone?我真不明白她怎么就这么直接宣布I don't get how she can just announce她的前男友要来睡她沙发上that an old boyfriend is going to be sleeping on her couch. 我想到了一个在车里能玩的游戏Hey, I thought of a game we can play in the car.我不想玩游戏谢尔顿I don't want to play a game, Sheldon.游戏名字叫"科学家"It's called "Scientists."现在我会说出三个科学家的名字Now, I will name three scientists,然后你对他们排序then you will put them in order根据他们对各自领域的贡献大小of the size of their contribution to their respective fields.为了让这个游戏更有趣To make this game even more compelling,你必须只考虑这个人you must consider only the contribution对这个领域做出的贡献of the man to the field,不论这个领域的理论到底是对是错not the validity of the field itself.比如说阿布·穆萨·贾比尔·伊本·哈扬For example: Abu Musa Jabir ibn Hayyan对臭名昭著的炼金术做出的贡献made a greater contribution to the discredited field of alchemy 比霍伯特·范德普莱特在神经生物学中的贡献要大得多than Halbert Vanderplatt made to neurobiology.好了准备好来点乐子了吗Okay, ready to have some fun?一个绝对不是同性恋的前男友An old boyfriend who's definitely not gay.还是人们最喜欢听的-- "绝对的"That's what a guy likes to hear-- "definitely."好的我先来个简单的All right, I'll start with an easy one:艾萨克·牛顿居里夫人和尼尔斯·玻尔Um, Isaac Newton, Madame Curie and Niels Bohr.然后我只说了一点点最后却成了坏人And then I say one little thing and I end up being the bad guy! 提示居里夫人有她的丈夫帮她Hint: Madame Curie had her husband to help her.我能说什么What am I supposed to say?当然佩妮你让旧相好在家过夜"Sure, Penny, I'm cool with your old boyfriend我完全没意见sleeping in your apartment."莱纳德你有没有意见不重要"Well, Leonard, it doesn't matter if you're cool or not因为本美女佩妮"because I'm Penny and I'm pretty喜欢干啥就干啥and I can do whatever the hell I want!"我懂了"Oh, I get it!你觉得和我在一起"You think you're doing me a favor just by只是在同情我being in a relationship with me!"不莱纳德我能跟你同处一室"No, no, Leonard! I'doing you a favor就已经是同情你了just by being in the same room as you!"莱纳德停车Leonard! Stop the car!怎么了What?我不想再听你们吵架了I can't listen to the two of you fight anymore.快速度要迟到了Come on, come on, we're late.淡定我们能赶上电影Calm down. We'll make the movie.根据现在的情况我的警告是对的I believe my alarm is appropriate,given the situation. 电影17分钟后开始The movie starts in 17 minutes,也就是说我们得赶上科罗拉多大道的全部绿灯which means we'll need to make all the lights而且不能去买东西吃了on Colorado Boulevard, plus skip the concession stand, 开场前也不能去尿尿了and preshow urination.兄台我刚灌下一瓶红牛时Oh, dude, I wish you had said something你咋不说话before I pounded that last Red Bull.走恐龙战队快Go, go, Power Rangers, go!嘿Hey.嘿Hey.我们赶着去看电影We're, uh, going to the movies.才怪No, we're not.我们站在走廊里We're standing in the hallway,忍受你们尴尬的相遇suffering through an awkward encounter.等一下Hang on.新的《时光大盗》今天开映They're showing a new digital print of Time Bandits. 你不会想看的对吧You wouldn't want to come, would you?一点都不想Not really, no.好了毫无意义的邀请说了All right, invitation pointlessly offered,不出意料地被谢绝了invitation declined as expected,大家都很文明没有人吵架everyone's civil, nobody's fighting.晚上愉快Have a nice evening.就给我们一分钟Just give us a minute.你们慢慢谈Oh, take all the time you need.我们要不要谈谈昨晚的事So, are we going to talk about last night?你准备道歉了吗Are you ready to apologize?不No.答案错误Wrong answer.谢谢参与But thank you for playing.拜托Oh, come on.这也太傻逼了This is stupid.又来了Oh, there it is again!你觉得我很傻逼You think I'm stupid!不人傻和行为愚蠢No, there's a difference是不一样的between being stupid and acting stupid. 是吗那混球和混蛋Oh, yeah? well, there's a difference也很不一样呢between being a jerk and being an ass!才怪No, there isn't!两个是同义词They're synonyms!场面相当不愉快啊Well, that was rather unpleasant.开场前我都不用尿尿了Yeah, I don't think I need my preshow urination anymore. 莱纳德那女的三年前搬进来时Leonard, when that woman moved in three years ago,我就告诉你不要搭理她现在好了I told you not to talk to her, and now look,电影我们是迟到定了we're going to be late for the movies.哟《神奇蜘蛛侠》183Hey! Look! Amazing Spider-Man 183.买了Got it.记得这本吗Remember this one?蜘蛛侠之一败涂地Spider-Man loses a big fight接着女朋友还跟他分手了and then his girl friend breaks up with him.要我买给你吗Want me to get it for you?能帮你转移一下注意力It'll help take your mind off things.伙计们怎么回事Hey, guys. What's going on?等下一场《时光大盗》放映前Oh, we need to kill a couple hours我们得在这消磨几小时till the next showing of Time Bandits.没问题Oh, well,no problem.我还想早点打烊回家I was thinking of closing early and going home, 但面对现实吧but let's face it,我家也只不过是间小一点的that's just a slightly smaller lonely room堆满漫画书的孤舍filled with comic book谢谢斯图尔特Thanks, Stuart.我问你Let me ask you something.你觉得佩妮让老相好Do you think it's okay for Penny在自己家过夜合适吗to have an ex-boyfrid sleep on her couch?当然不好她明显太过分了No, I mean, she's obviousl way out of line.谢谢Thank you!但如果她把你甩了But if she dumps you,她第二天就能找个新欢she'll have a new boyfrien by tomorrow morning 而你得想办法自己做一个娃娃and you'll have a new girl friend才能算有新欢when you figure out how to build one.唯一的疑问是你什么时候才举白旗So the only question is: how long until you fold? 我才不会举白旗I am not going to fold.等等我不觉得Well, excuse me, I don't think佩妮有丝毫过分之处Penny's out of line at all.她又不是你的人You don't own her.正如我的女神碧昂斯说的It's like my girl Beyonce says:你要是喜欢塔就该向他求婚"If you like it, you should put a ring on it."得了吧Come on.最起码At the very least,佩妮发现莱纳德为此不高兴when she found out Leonard was upset about it, 她就应该退让she should've backed off.你是说正如某人不高兴You mean like when a guy's upset因为他朋友答应和他去上烹饪课because his friend agreed to take a cooking class with him结果却放鸽子and then doesn't show up因为他正和他妈进行果蔬汁断食because he's doing a juice fast with his mother?我不知道你为此不高兴I didn't know you were upset about that.是嘛难道所有的暗示你都没看到Really! Did you miss all the subtitle indicators,比如"霍华德我不高兴"like me saying, "Howard, I am upset."对不起行了吧Okay, sorry.或许在这个国家的意义不同Maybe it means something different in this country.在印度这表示我在生一个叫霍华德的小子的气Back in India, it means you're upset with a guy named Howard! 我道过歉了I said I'm sorry.道歉也弥补不了Sorry doesn't make up for the fact我得和一个素食者做鸡肉饭that I had to make chicken and rice with this vegan guy. 你知道素鸡肉饭是什么吗Do you know what vegan chicken and rice is?就是米饭Rice!你以为我就很开心吗Yeah, well, you think I was having fun,整晚坐着听我妈唠叨sitting around all night listening to my mother say,你这辈子尿过这么多吗"Have you ever peed so much in your life?"天啊你真是个恋娘狂Oh, my God, you are such a mama's boy.喂别把我妈扯进来Hey, don't bring my mother into this!你自己把她扯进来的You brought your mother into this!别吵了你们两个Stop it, both of you.听你们吵个不停All this fighting, I might as well简直就跟我爸妈一样"该死的乔治"be back with my parents! "Damn it, George,"我说过你要是再不戒酒我就离开你""I told you if you didn't quit drinkin' I'd leave you!" "这只能说明你是个骗子""Well, I guess that makes you a liar."我已经醉成这样你还没走""'Cause I'm drunk as hell and you're still here!" "别嚷了""Stop yelling!""谢尔顿快被你弄哭了""You're making Sheldon cry!""告诉你谢尔顿为什么哭吧""I'll tell you what's making Sheldon cry!"因为我让你给他起了这个破名儿"That I let you name him Sheldon"老天他干嘛这么生气Boy, what got him so upset?当然了谢尔顿生气你倒能看出来了Oh, sure, you can tell when Sheldon's upset.多谢惠顾Oh, thank you very much.欢迎下次光临Come back soon.还有下次多给一半小费With the other half of my tip.嗨谢尔顿Hey, Sheldon.你怎么在这儿What are you doing here?这是家餐馆This is a restaurant.而现在午餐时间It's lunchtime.我认为作为一名女招待I would think, as a waitress,应该很熟悉这套程序了you'd be familiar withhe paradigm. 莱纳德来吗Is Leonard coming?不来我相信他正在等着你No, I believe Leonard is waiting回心转意并向他道歉呢for yo to come crawling back to him and apologize.这绝不可能Well, that's not gonna happen.我猜也是I assumed that would be your attitude.所以我才因此到这儿来Hence, my true purpose coming here.-啥-我要你回心转意去向他道歉- Which is? - I want you to crawl back to him and apologize. 我忙呢I'm busy.不好意思小姐Excuse me, Miss.我想要点餐I'like to order lunch.说你要啥Fine. What do you want?我有些疑问I have a few questions.我先是注意到你们这有汤和半份三明治First, I notice that you offer soup and a half-sandwich?没错Yes.半份三明治到底是怎么做的Where exactly does the half-sandwich come from? 你是给我另一个人吃剩下的呢Are you giving me half of someone else's sandwich, 还是我非要等到or do I have to wait另一个想点的人出现for someone else in the restaurant再和他一起合点呢to order the other half?不谢尔顿他们只是做出来而已No, no, Sheldon, they just make a half-sandwich. 你没法做出半份三明治You can't make a half-sandwich.如果是整个三明治的一半If it's t half of a whole sandwich,那应该是个小号三明治it's just a small sandwich.得了汤和小号三明治Okay, fine, it's soup and a small sandwich.你要点这些吗that what you want?当然不我还是老样子Of course not. I'll have my usual.好Great.你不问我是否要饮料了吗Aren't you going to ask me if I want a beverage? 你不是一直都喝柠檬汁吗Don't you usually get lemonade?-是-你要柠檬汁吗- Yes. - Do you want lemonade?-是-还需要什么吗- Yes. - Anything else?当然我要你去向莱纳德道歉Yes-- I want you to apologize to Leonard.我绝不会去道歉I am not going to apologize.我又没错I've done nothing wrong.完全是他反应过度He is completely overreacting.这无关紧要Irrelevant.关键在于你们出了感情问题The disruption in your relaonship让我也难以忍受is making my life intolerable.抱歉谢尔顿但这真的与你无关Well, I'm sorry, Sheldon, but this really isn't about you. 我不懂I don't follow.我马上来ah, yeah, I'll be right there.听着谢尔顿我得走了Look, Sheldon, I have to go.好吧那我假设当然是谬误论证All right, let's assume, ad argumentum,在这情况下是莱纳德错了that in this case, Leonard is wrong.就是他的错Leonard is wrong.考虑到以前他对你的出轨行为Considering the number of transgressions视而不见的次数you've committed that he's overlooked,你就不能考虑下就这次Don't you think that, just this once,算是回报他吗you could return the favor?我就来I'm coming.再见谢尔顿Good-bye, Sheldon.什么叫我的出轨行为啥意思What do you mean, transgressions I've committed? 你还以为莱纳德Were you under the impression对你都毫无怨念吗that Leonard has no complaints about you?啥喂那边的我看到你了Like what?! Yeah, yeah, I see you.你对着空气划了一个勾You're making a little check sign in the air.知道了耐心点别吵I got it. Just hold you horses.莱纳德抱怨我什么What does Leonard complain about?你驾驶技术差劲Your driving.你床上的布绒玩偶太多了The plethora of stuffed animals on your bed两人亲热的时候一直盯着他that stare at him during your amorous activities.你老是迟到还有你的唱歌水平Your constant tardiness, your singing.我唱歌的水平My singing?这其实是我的看法之一That's actually from my list.但莱纳德会不同意我才怪呢But Leonard would be a fool if he didn't agree with it. 如果莱纳德对我有这么多意见Okay, if Leonard has so many problems with me,他干嘛不直接了当地说出来Why hasn't he just said so?因为在他看来Because, according to him你脾气大又容易动怒you're oversensitive and have a temper.是吗Oh, really?那拜托你帮个忙Well, then, do me a favor告诉莱纳德他好去死了and tell Leonard that he can drop dead!难怪她总是小费拿得少And she wonders why she's constantly undertipped. 好啊你回来了Oh, good, you're home.我要你帮我个忙I need you to do ma favor.说吧Sure.去向佩妮道歉Go apologize to Penny.-啥-最好现在就去- What?! - Right now would be good.莱纳德Leonard!好吧其实应该更早一点去Although, a few minutes ago would have been better. 听说你不喜欢我床上的布绒玩偶I hear you don't like我的驾驶技术和我的准时程度My stuffed animals, my driving or my punctuality.啥谁告诉你的What? Who would tell you something like that?你干嘛告诉她Why would you tell her something like that?他为什么告诉我不重要It doesn't matter why he told me.但这些都是真的是吗It's true, isn't it?没错是真的Okay, yeah, it's true,但这些我都可以忍受but I can live with that stuff.但我不能忍受你事先不和我商量What I can't live with is you casually informing me只是随意地知会我一声说that some guy's going to be staying your apartment有个男人要住在你公寓里wiout even asking me first!问题不在于此That isn't your problem!而在于你不信任我Your problem is you don't trust me!得了吧Oh, come on.谢尔顿你啥时有听我说过Sheldon, have you ever once heard me say 我不信任佩妮了that I don't trust Penny?谢尔顿他去哪儿了Sheldon? Where did he go?你大吼大叫Oh, your yelling一定又把他吓跑了Must have freaked him out again.你去哪儿Where are you going?!我们吵到一半You just walk away-你就这么一走了之吗-才不是- In the middle of aargument?! - No.我要去找你那天杀的室友I'm going to go find your damn roommate免得他做出伤害自己的傻事before he hurts himself例如乱穿马路之类的trying to cross the street something!你干嘛不早说Why didn't you say so?连这也要得到你允许吗Oh, now I need your permission for that, too?! 我怎么知道你在想啥佩妮Well, I can't read your mind, Penny!真的吗怎么会呢Really? Why not?反正你这么聪明而我又这么蠢You're so smart, and I'm so dumb!拉杰Raj?拉杰Raj?拉杰Raj?别敲了门开着Stop knocking! It's open!请告诉我父母我的暗物质研究Please tell my parents that our Dark Matter research正在节骨眼上我不能回家Is at a critical juncture, and I can't come home去参加我表弟桑杰的婚礼For my cousin Sanjay's wedding.谢尔顿Sheldon问问我们儿子我们要怎么跟切尔迪夫妇交待Ask our son what we're supposed to say to Mr. and Mrs. Cheldry 他们的女儿拉克希米可是特地从伦敦飞回Whose daughter, Lakshmi is flying in from London,唯一的目的就是跟他见面相亲For the sole purpose of meeting him.我又没让你们撮合我和拉克希米I didn't ask you to set me up with Lakshmi.你该感谢我们You should be thanking us!是的拉克希米才刚切去了部分胃kshmi just got her stomach stapled.你有机会趁她减完肥找回自尊之前You have an opportunity to get in good with her赶紧跟她搞好关系Before she loses weight, and her self-esteem goes up.我不在乎I don't care!为嘛你们就不信我能自己找到另一半And why don't you think I can find a woman for myself? 因为你都27了Because you're 27你身边看着最像我们儿媳妇的And the closest thing we have to a daughter-in-law就是那个犹太男孩霍华德Is that Jewish boy Howard.你们这是恶意中伤Oh..that is completely below the belt.谢尔顿来告诉我父母我和霍华德只是朋友Sheldon,tell my parents that Howard and I are just friends. 谢尔顿Sheldon?我和霍华德只是朋友Howard and I are just friends!好吧我会回家出席桑杰的婚礼Fine. I'll come home for Sanjay's wedding.谢尔顿Sheldon?!你这是干嘛What are you doing?他又不是走失的小狗He's not a lost dog.干嘛不干脆让我来找他Hey, why don't you just let me find him你就坐这儿踩着你那想象中的刹车While you sit there hitting your imaginary brake? 那刹车或许是我想象出来的The brake might be imaginary,但你刚刚闯的那个红灯不是But that stop sign you just ran wasn't.哪个红灯What stop sign?看前面看前面Eyes on the road. Eyes on the road!霍华德去应门我在忙Howard, answer the door! I'm busy!我也在忙你去应门I'm busy, too! You answer it.我不能我在上厕所I can't! I'm on the toilet!天哪这种事就别告诉我了For God's sake, I don't need to hear that!你就不能就说一句"我在忙"吗Can't you just say, "I'm busy"?我说了但你不是还不满意吗I said I'm busy,but that was't good enough for you!我真希望是有人来入室抢劫You know what?I hope it's one of those home invasion deals, 然后照我头上给我一枪痛快And they shoot me in the head!如果真是入室抢劫的Well, if it's a home invader,别告诉他们我在上厕所Don't tell them I'm on the toilet!根本就没人There's no one there.你幻听了吗你个疯老婆子You're hearing things, you crazy old lady!斯图尔特见到谢尔顿了吗Hey, Stuart, have you seen Sheldon?对他就在那边漫画角Yeah, he's, uh, over in the graphic novel section.给自己造了个小窝Built himself a little nest.谢谢Thank you.-佩妮-有事吗- Uh, Penny? - Yeah?你们没事吧Is everything okay?你指什么What do you mean?谢尔顿告诉我你跟莱纳德吵架了Sheldon told me you and Leonard were having a fight? 对差不多吧Oh, yeah, kind of.没什么大事It's-It's no big thing.很好很好Oh, good, good.我爱你I love you.你不跟我讲话我是不会走的I'm not leaving until you talk to me.怎么回事All right, what's going on?这有点难解释他这么做It's a little hard to explain. He does this thing是假装他处于一个异次元中Where he pretends he's in an alternate dimension 虽然跟我们在同一物理空间That occupies the same physical space we're in, 但无法感知我们But he can't perceive us.你少臭美了我懒得理你而已Don't flatter yourself. I'm just ignoring you.拜托谢尔顿回家吧Come on, Sheldon, let's go home.看我们俩已经不吵了Look, we're done fighting.这话我听多了I've heard that before.但然后呢接下来But then, the next thing you know,我躲在自己卧室大声读着费曼(著名物理学家)的讲义I'm hiding in my bedroom,blaring a Richard Feynman lecture 而我妈则在吼叫着说她即使在我爸的烘肉卷里While my mom is shouting that Jesus would forgive her放上玻璃渣上帝也会原谅她的If she put ground glass in my dad's meatloaf.还有我爸站在屋顶上And my dad's on the roof skeet-shooting用我妈的富兰克林珍藏版碗碟玩双向飞碟射击Her Franklin Mint collectible plates.我们不会再吵嘴There's going to no more shouting也不会有人玩双向飞碟了And no skeet-shooting.真的Really?那你朋友贾斯汀要睡哪儿Where's your friend Justin going to sleep?对啊他要睡哪儿Yeah... where's he gonna sleep?我的天你们就不能忘了这茬吗Oh, my God, would you let this go?!要是我就会I'd let it go.干嘛要我忘了这茬Why should I let it go?干嘛不去跟那人说让他另外找地儿借宿Why don't you just tell the guy to find another place to sleep?! 上帝啊Oh, for God's sakes.我知道你有童年阴影So, you have childhood issues.我们都有童年阴影We all have childhood issues.有时候你能做的就是长大成熟克服他们At some point, you just need to grow up and get past them. 开火开火Fire! Fire!莱纳德让我来处理好吗Leonard, will you just let me handle this, please?-再次开火开火-先把这...- Again! Fire! Fire! - Let... just...Look...谢尔顿请你理解我们Sheldon, please, try and understand.我和莱纳德是在谈恋爱Look, Leonard and I are in a relationship,偶尔我们俩是会吵架And occasionally, we're going to fight.但不管我们俩之间怎么样But no matter what happens between us,我们会一直爱你到底We will always love you.对吗莱纳德Right, Leonard?一直是段漫长的时光Always is a long time.当然一直Sure. Always.我们给你买这个机器人好吗You know, how about we buy you this robot, 然后我们就一起回家And then we all go home?我想要那个I want that one.好就给你买那个Okay, you can have that one.拜托他就只会玩个两次Oh, come on, he's just going to play with it twice,然后就跟其他那些垃圾一起束之高阁了And then it'll end up in his closet with all the other junk. 莱纳德给他买这个机器人Buy him the robot, Leonard.还能给我买这本漫画吗Can I get this comic book, too?宝贝都给你买Yes, you can.又见面了Meet me again.你告诉贾斯汀不能借宿在你沙发上时So what did Justin say when you told him他怎么说He couldn't sleep on your couch?他是个音乐人He'a musician.不得已的话叫他睡自个儿的呕吐物里都成He's sleep in his own vomit, if he has to. 我真该叫他们买更多的I should have asked for much more不该被一本漫画一个机器人就打发了Than a comic book and a robot.。

我们还有多少时间How much time do we have?倒数5小时37分钟Uh,T-minus five hours,37 minutes流星雨开始to onset of meteor shower.我们的位置是北纬34.48°西经118.21°Okay,our position is 34.48 degrees north,118.31 west. 这意味着方位角应该是...That means the azimuth should be...相对磁北168.22°168.22 degrees relative to magnetic north外加仰角49.93°with an elevation of 49.93.有什么了吗Anything yet?我们有信号却不能锁定坐标Uh,we have a signal,but there's no frame lock.等等现在如何Hang on. How about... now?我们成功了We did it.我们收到西海岸HBO电视台的信号了We have the West Coast feed of HBO.哇《真实性爱》Ooh,Real Sex.这可好看了每次我看这节目Big deal. Every time I watch that show,都是个老女人往黄瓜上套安全套it's old women putting condoms on cucumbers. 那好让我们来看看东海岸在播什么All right,let's see what's on the East Coast feed. 喔是《沙丘》Oh,hey. Dune.不算是个好电影Not a great movie,但看看这美丽的沙漠啊but look at that beautiful desert.谢尔顿不能来真可惜Too bad Sheldon couldn't come with us.没有他在感觉有点不大对头Yeah,it's just not the same without him.这电影太烂了我换回去看《真实性爱》Oh,this sucks. I'm switching back to Real Sex.谢尔顿日志Sheldon's log.星历63345.3Stardate 63345.3.当我的同事们离开While my colleagues are off去观测狮子座流星雨时observing the Leonid meteor shower,我留守后方完成我关于I have remained behind to complete my paper高激发态大质量弦状态衰变的论文on the decays of highly excited massive string states. 尽管我的研究进展顺利Although my research is going well,我确实很想念人类陪伴的温暖I do miss the warmth of human companionship.晚上好暹罗宫And good evening to you,Siam Palace.我是谢尔顿·库珀This is Sheldon Cooper.我今晚要孤独一人进餐Yeah,I'm going to be dining alone this evening,所以我要减少通常的菜单so I'll be reducing my usual order.我的前菜要四分之一份I'd like to start with one quarter什锦小吃of the Assorted Appetizers Plate然后要两人份的金宝贝的一半and,uh,one half of the Golden Treasure for two. 看在老天的份上在18世纪中页Oh,for heaven's sake. In the mid-18th century, 暹罗国王拉玛四世将巨大的帝国King Rama IV of Siam divided a huge empire 割让给了欧洲的各大殖民势力amongst the colonial powers of Europe目的是为了保住王位in order to preserve his throne.理所当然的你他的文化继承者Surely,you,his cultural descendant,也能搞定这些泰式炒面和饺子can handle pad Thai and dumplings.谢尔顿救命Sheldon,help!我要挂了但是记住我在那些I need to go-- but you keep in mind关于一家本地松饼店that my sharply worded comments言辞尖锐的评论on recently took down a local muffin store. 佩妮佩妮佩妮Penny. Penny. Penny.进来快点Come in! Hurry!佩妮Penny?我在里面I'm back here.佩妮佩妮佩妮Penny. Penny. Penny.哦老天我在浴室里Oh,for God's sakes,I'm in the bathroom!我该挑个更恰当的时机再来吗Shall I come back at a better time?给我进来Get in here!快点Hurry!你敢再敲门试试Don't you dare knock!你好Hello.我在浴缸里滑倒了I slipped in the shower,我觉得肩膀好像脱臼了and I think I dislocated my shoulder.这不奇怪Not surprising.你没有装防滑垫或者防滑贴纸You have no safety mat or adhesive stickers 来抵消浴缸表面的to allow for purchase on a surface很低的静摩擦系数with a low coefficient of static friction.什么What?浴缸都很滑的Tubs are slippery.我知道我滑倒了I know. I slipped.我有一个系列的古怪鸭贴纸I have a series of whimsical duck stickers贴在我的浴缸底部on the bottom of my tub.好吧无论如何Yeah,okay,whatever.你能把水关掉再扶我起来吗Will you just turn the water off and help me up?他们都撑着伞的They're holding umbrellas.什么What?我浴缸里的鸭子The ducks in my tub.它们怪就怪在这些鸭子既没有需要They're whimsical because ducks have neither a need for, 也没有能力来使用雨伞nor the ability to use,umbrellas.上帝啊我得去急救中心了Oh,my God. I got to go to the emergency room.如果你确定你的右上膊骨Well,assuming you're correct that your right humerus 不再固定在肩臼上is no longer seated in the glenoid socket,-我当然认为你该去急救中心-你能车我去吗- I would certainly think so. - Okay,can you drive me? 我不开车的I don't drive.但我开不了Well,I can't drive!看来我们到达了一个僵局Well,it seems we've reached an impasse.我可以帮你叫辆的士或者救护车I could call you a cab or an ambulance.不不不我等不及了No,no,no. I can't wait that long.你必须得帮我求你了You got to help me,please.好的不能让人说谢尔顿·李·库珀All right. Let it never be said that Sheldon Lee Cooper 是个无视陷入困境的少女的人ignored the pleas of a damsel in distress.没人这么说快走吧No one's saying that. Let's go.因没买99美分的防滑鸭子Well,it does seem rather ironic而导致两个人都可能死于惨烈的车祸that for want of 99-cent adhesive ducks,这看上去真是非常讽刺we both might die in a fiery car crash.我真希望佩妮不用去工作I wish Penny didn't have to work.她喜欢野营She loves camping.是啊那就太好了Yeah,that would have been great.你和佩妮在帐篷里做爱You and Penny having sex in the tent而我则坐在外面看霍华德拿仙人掌爆菊while I sit out here and watch Howard hump a cactus. 好的我已经尽力侦查了Okay,the best I can tell,附近还有8个野营地there are eight other campsites nearby.大多都是像我们这样的科学呆子Mostly science nerds like us,不过山脊另一边but just over yon ridge are two有两位不无魅力的中学老师not unattractive middle school teachers 浑身散发着绝望主妇的气息who reek of desperation.太好了Wow. Wonderful.-她们多大-我不知道- How old are they? - I don't know.50岁55岁吧50,55.更年期妇女Oh,menopause.天然的节育控制Nature's birth control.拜托Come on.你们不会这么饥渴吧You guys can't be that hard up.-我饥渴-我也是- I am. - Yeah,me,too.看她们还送了点自制曲奇给我们Look-- they gave me homemade cookies. 当然会给Of course,they did.老奶奶都这样That's what grandmothers do.那我们还等什么So,what are we waiting for?悠着点Relax.我说等她们打完盹I said we'd stop by a little later我们再过去after they have their nap.好主意Good idea.睡醒精力比较足They'll be refreshed.吃曲奇吗Cookie?好谢谢Yeah. Thank you.不错啊Not bad.很好吃啊Yeah,very tasty.再说说那些老师的情况Well,so tell me more about these teachers.没什么了Not much to tell.她们开了辆大众车They had a VW microbus穿着扎染的感恩而死乐队T恤and were wearing tie-dyed Grateful Dead T-shirts. 美味曲奇Good cookies.这里乱得简直毫无编制体系而言I see no organizational system in here whatsoever. 你周一穿什么内裤Which panties do you wear on Mondays?我不要内裤I don't need panties.只要短裤和衬衫I just need shorts and a shirt.妈妈经常跟我说My mother always told me一个人要穿干净内裤one should wear clean underpants以防发生意外in case one is in an accident.我已经发生意外了One was already in an accident.那不表示不会再发生意外That doesn't mean one won't be in another, 尤其是我开车的情况下especially if I'm driving.拿衣服谢尔顿Clothes,Sheldon.-我要衣服-好啦- I need clothes! - Okay.给Here.不会吧这条裤子配这件上衣Seriously? Those shorts with that top?好吧All right.不行No.不行No.这件好看Oh,that's cute.一会儿该给你查查有没有脑震荡We should have you checked for a concussion. 好了Okay.你得帮我穿衣服Now,you got to help me put these on.-好吧-不许看啊- All right. - But don't look.-不许看? -我不想让你看我裸体- Don't look? - I don't want you to see me naked. 哦Oh.这可以理解Well,that's understandable.你或许会有兴趣知道You may be interested to know禁止看对方that a prohibition against looking早在英雄神话里就有确立is well established in heroic mythology.洛特王和他妻子珀尔修斯和美杜莎Uh,Lot and his wife,Perseus and Medusa,-奥菲士和欧律狄刻-知道啦- Orpheus and Eurydice... - Yeah,great.他们都看了They always look.结局都很不好It never ends well.好了现在帮我把手穿进袖子Okay. Now you got help me get my arm into the sleeve. 好的Okay.那是我的手臂吗Is that my arm?感觉不像手臂It doesn't feel like an arm.那你是不是该放手了Then,maybe you should let it go.好滴All righty.星星好漂漂啊Stars are pretty,aren't they?在那高高的地方Up above the world so high.像天上的小钻石Like little diamonds in the sky.太优美了兄弟That's beautiful,dude.你应该把这句话写下来You should... you should write that down 免得被人山寨了before someone steals it.流星雨什么时候来So,when do the meteors get here?不是流星雨来这里The meteors don't get here.是地球走到他们的轨道上了The Earth is moving into their path.我能感觉到I can feel it.我能感觉到地球在移动I can feel the Earth moving.移动得太快It's moving too fast.拉杰让地球慢点Raj,slow it down.行了现在如何Okay,how's that?好多了谢谢Better. Thanks.星星多漂漂啊Stars are pretty,aren't they?笑什么What's so funny?笑你的美国口音It's your American accent.你说的话都很傻逼Everything you say sounds stupid. 星星多漂漂啊"Stars are pretty,aren't they?"为准确起见我得告诉你For the record,I should let you know这是我第一次开真的汽车this is my first time driving an actual motor vehicle. 你有实习驾照吧You have your learner's permit,right?有我还在Yes,and I have logged模拟装置上开了很长时间a considerable number of hours on a simulator.-那就行-但效果不太好- Good. - Didn't work out well.-行了能开了吗-等一下- All right,can we please go? - One moment.驾驶培训书里说According to my driver's ed book,侧视镜的正确角度是the side mirror is properly adjusted调到能在镜子的右下角when the driver's door handle看到部分门把手is visible in the lower right corner.看到门拉手了There's the handle.不不太过了Oh,no,too far.往回一点点Bringing it back.这才正好Optimized.好调整副驾驶座Now,where is the switch后视镜的调节器呢to adjust the passenger side mirror? 就在这里It's right there.副驾驶座的后视镜在哪儿呢Where is the passenger side mirror? 在好莱坞的停车场时被撞掉了In a parking lot in Hollywood.-行行好我们能走了吗-好- Now,can we please go? - Yes.先等我调整好座椅As soon as I adjust my seat.噢老天Oh,dear.我又得重来一次I'm going to have to start again.如果我会说兔子的语言If I could speak the language of rabbits, 那就太美妙了我将成为兔王that will be amazed,I will be their king. 我讨厌我的名字I hate my name.读起来像个呆子It has "nerd" in it.莱呆子Len-nerd.我的第一次是和我的表姐珍妮I lost my virginity to my cousin Jeanie. 我会仁慈地对待我的兔民们I would be kind to my rabbit subjects. 当然只是开始而已At first.知道什么才叫酷名吗You know what's a cool name?安杰洛Angelo.有天使又有洁露果子冻That has angel and Jell-O in it.那是在我穆雷舅舅的葬礼上It was my Uncle Murray's funeral.我们在芭芭拉阿姨的房子后面We were all back at my Aunt Barbara's house.透过一条腌鲱鱼我们四目相接Our eyes locked over the pickled herring.我们本来没想着会发生关系的We never meant for it to happen.一天我为法国总统举办了一场盛大舞会One day,I hold a great ball for the President of France, 但是兔民们因为憎恨我而没来捧场but the rabbits-- they hate me and don't come.我极为尴尬于是我逼它们眼睁睁地看着I am embarrassed,so I eat all the lettuce in the world 我吃光世界上所有的莴苣and make them watch.别人可以昵称我安吉People could call me Angie.(史泰龙状) 哟安吉最近咋样(la Sylvester Stallone): Yo,Angie,how's it goin'? 直到如今每次一看到腌鲱鱼To this day,I can't look at pickled herring就会忍不住尴尬性奋without being aroused and ashamed.噢珍妮阿姐Oh! Cousin Jeanie.你就不能开快点吗Could you please drive a little faster?我觉得已经够快了Oh,I think we're going sufficiently fast.什么情况What's that?没事引擎时不时会这样Nothing. The engine does that sometimes.没事才怪It can't be nothing.检查引擎指示灯都亮了The check engine light is on.我们得去服务站We need to find a service station.自我买回这辆车这灯就一直亮着No. The light has been on since I bought the car.那就更应该去了All the more reason趁这车爆炸之前找维修师来处理to consult with a mechanic before it explodes.爆炸个鬼啊It's not going to explode.快开车Just keep driving.曲速前进史波克长官Warp speed ahead,Mr. Spock.史波克不是企业号的驾驶员Mr. Spock did not pilot the Enterprise.他是科学官还有我保证He was the science officer,and I guarantee you that只要他看到企业号的检查引擎指示灯if he ever saw the Enterprise's check engine light blinking, 闪那么一下他会立刻下令靠边停he would pull the ship over immediately.老天我的手臂完了Oh,God,I'm gonna lose the arm.红灯Oh,well,red light.先松开油门Release accelerator然后要慢慢地踩刹车and slowly apply... the... brake.搞定Nailed it.趁现在空着能问你个问题吗While we have a moment,may I ask you a question? 说What?你为什么在右屁股上Why do you have the Chinese character for soup 纹了个中国字"汤"的纹身tattooed on your right buttock?那不是"汤"It's not soup.是"勇"It's courage.才不是No,it isn't.但我猜想要表现出对汤的热忱But I suppose it does take courage还真是需要不少勇气to demonstrate that kind of commitment to soup. 你怎么会看到How did you see it?你说了不看的You said you wouldn't look.不好意思Sorry.正如我所说是英雄就偷窥As I told you,the hero always peeks.找到了吗Anything?没有你吃掉了最后一个布丁No. That was the last pudding cup.不No!史吉牌牛肉小吃呢(美国牛肉小吃品牌)What about Slim Jims?他刚才就着布丁吃光了忘了吗That's what he used to eat his pudding,remember?没错太美味了Right. That was so good!甜甜肉肉的混合口感真棒Sweety and meaty at the same time.等等你是说Wait. Wait,wait. So you're saying我们吃光食物了吗we're out of food?里面只剩下蓝色冰袋了The only thing in here are blue ice packs.虽然深知它们有毒I know they're poison,但还是像极了美味诱人的吸的冻but they look like big,yummy otter pops.老天爷我饿死了Oh,God,I am so hungry.我也是Me,too.再看看我们还有布丁没Check and see if we have any more pudding. 好吧Okay.好吧也没必要冲我吼吧All right,there's no need to bark at me.那位莫名暴躁的According to the inexplicably irritable nurse 接待护士说behind the desk,你排在那个声称自己you'll be seen after the man有心脏病的男人后面who claims to be having a heart attack,但在我看来他健康得很but appears to be well enough还能在他的iPhone上玩涂鸦跳跃呢to play Doodle Jump on his iPhone.我们得先填表格We have to fill these out."请描述病情和伤情情况""Describe illness or injury."肩膀脱臼I dislocated my shoulder.好吧All right.发生意外的原因And how did the accident occur?你不是已经知道了吗You already know that."意外原因""Cause of accident.""没有防滑小鸭""Lack of adhesive ducks."好了病史Okay,medical history.你有过糖尿病史吗"Have you ever been diagnosed with diabetes?" -没有-肾病呢- No. - Kidney disease?-没有-偏头痛- No. - Migraines?马上就有了Getting one.-你目前怀有身孕吗-没有- Are you currently pregnant? - No.确定吗你看起来可有点肥Are you sure? You look a bit puffy.偏头痛那里改成"是"Change migraine to yes.你上次生理期是什么时候"When was your last menstrual period?" 转下个问题Oh. Next question.我就写“生理期中”I'll put,"In progress."好了下面是精神疾病的问题Okay,moving to psychiatric disorders. 列出所有重大行为方面的病症"List all major behavioral diagnoses,例如沮丧焦虑等等"e.g. depression,anxiety,etcetera."天哪这些跟我这该死的肩膀Oh,my God,what the hell does this又有什么该死的关系have to do with my stupid shoulder?! 是否有以下精神疾病发作史"Episodes of sub psychotic rage."干Ass.可能患有吐雷氏症"Possible Tourette's."好了是否有痣斑病变或其他皮肤问题All right. "Moles,lesions or other skin conditions." 右边屁股纹了个"汤"字"Soup tattoo on right buttock."谢尔顿谢尔顿听我说Hey,Sheldon,Sheldon,look,我饱受惊吓而且疼得厉害I am scared and in a lot of pain.可不可以请你别这么自我Could you please take a break from being you for 让我缓口气再试着...just a minute and try being--怎么说呢安慰一下我I don't know-- comforting?抱歉I'm sorry.好了好了There,there.一切都会好起来的Everything's going to be fine.有我谢尔顿在Sheldon's here.谢谢这样好多了Thanks. That's much better.我饿死啦Oh,I'm so hungry!你闭嘴吧Will you shut up?我们都饿死了We're all hungry.好了我们的抢劫目标是Okay,our objective is东边那个童子军训练营地the Boy Scout campsite to the east.很好下手Easy target.手不能提的童军教练加上几个童军Big doughy scout master,couple of Cubs, 大多是幼童军mostly WeBeLos.具体抢啥东西呢What kind of score we looking at?热狗面包烤巧克力夹心饼Hot dogs,Buns,S'mores.那整个一便利商店嘛I mean,it's a freaking 7-11.好了大家都带上手电All right,everyone grab flashlights.天哪会是那个吗Oh,my God,could it be?太好了Yes!我妈妈在我包里放了鸡胸肉"爱心便当"My mother put an "I love you" brisket in my backpack. 快拿叉子Quick,get forks.不需要拿叉子You don't need forks.多嫩的鸡胸肉啊用手一撕就行了It's so tender,it falls apart in your hands.他说的没错He's right.我觉得我们好像忘了啥重要的事I feel like we're forgetting something important.我也是但是什么捏Me,too. But what?也许是忘了整整一盒的烤土豆和胡萝卜Maybe a Tupperware bowl of roasted potatoes and carrots? -太好了-太好了- Yes! - Yes!记住你刚吃了强力止痛药Now remember,you were given powerful pain medication 还有肌肉松弛剂and a muscle relaxer,所以千万别去操作重型机械so,uh,don't operate heavy machinery.小心别让自己口水噎到窒息Try not to choke on your own drool.等等你得哄我上床睡觉啊Wait.You have to help me get into bed.谢尔顿哄我睡觉Sheldon has to get me into bed.我猜你怎么都想不到我会说这话Bet you never thought I'd say that.是啊Yes.你服下的药物副作用有无限可能The charm of your drug-addled candor knows no bounds. 都说你跟个奇怪的机器人一样You know,people think you're this weird robot man一直都很烦人说得一点没错who's so annoying all the time,and you totally are.但现在你就像电影《瓦力》里结局那样But then it's like that movie Wall-E at the end.充满了爱心You're so full of love,简直能拯救整个一株植物and you can save a plant拯救那些陷入滑滑椅不能自拔的肥佬and get fat people out of the floaty chairs.你这个比喻相当不伦不类That's a fairly labored metaphor,不过对这故事隐含的观点我很欣赏but I appreciate the sentiment behind it.唱"乖乖猫"给我听Sing "Soft Kitty" to me."乖乖猫"是唱给生病的人的"Soft Kitty" is for when you're sick.你又没生病You're not sick.我受伤了还服了药就相当于生病Injured and drugged is a kind of sick. 乖乖猫暖暖猫小小毛绒球Soft kitty,warm kitty,little ball of fur... 等等Wait,wait.我们来唱和声吧Let's sing it as a round.我来起头I'll start.乖乖猫暖暖猫小小毛绒球Soft kitty,warm kitty,little ball of fur... 我唱到这儿你该加进来唱了So,that's where you come in.我再从头唱起I'll start over.乖乖猫暖暖猫小小毛绒球Soft kitty,warm kitty,little ball of fur... 谢尔顿我有一整晚跟你耗哦I've got all night,Sheldon.乖乖猫暖暖猫小小毛绒球Soft kitty,warm kitty,little ball of fur...乖乖猫暖暖猫小小毛绒球Soft kitty,warm kitty,little ball of fur...快乐猫瞌睡猫Happy kitty,sleepy kitty快乐猫瞌睡猫Happy kitty,sleepy kitty呜呜呜[猫满足时呜呜的叫声]Purr,purr,purr呜呜呜Purr,purr,purr.第二天早上他醒了过来...And the next morning when he woke up, 翻了个身他意识到...he rolled over and realized...那是她表妹...she was his cousin.还是不好笑That's still not funny.还是不好笑That's still not funny.再说她是我的远房表妹And she was my second cousin.再说她是我的远房表妹And she was my second cousin.你真是脑残You're a real douche.随你说好了反正你跟自个儿表妹上床了Who cares? You slept with your cousin.。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E12 – The Psychic VortexScene: The apartment.Leonard:Look at us. Getting ready for a double date with actual women who publicly acknowledge they’re our girlfriends.Howard: Yes, actual women are the best.Sheldon: I don’t understand. What other kind of women are there?Leonard: Howard, artificial women are your department. You want to take this?Howard:No, it would just freak him out. Listen, before we leave, I should warn you, I’m a passionate man and I tend towards public displays of affection.Leonard: What are you trying to tell me, Howard?Howard: There might be some making out in the car or the restaurant, and I don’t want Bernadette to feel uncomfortable, so it would help if you and Penny made out, too.Leonard: D on’t worry. We’re planning to have sex right on the salad bar.Raj(arriving): Namaste, white people. Good news! I rented us the four-hour edition of Watchmen. Leonard: Got it.Howard: Seen it.Sheldon: Detailed analysis posted online.Raj: Well, then what are we going to do tonight?Leonard: Uh, sorry, Raj. Howard and I are going out to dinner with Penny and Bernadette.Howard: Yeah, no more carefree bachelor nights for me and Leonard. These broncos have been saddled. Leonard: How did we get actual women?Raj: Great. They get girlfriends, and they just abandon us?Sheldon:It is great, isn’t it? We have a wonderful evening ahead of us.Raj: We do?Sheldon:Oh, yes. I just discovered I don’t have enough room on my hard drive for a Linux partition, so you and I are going to perform a full backup, reinitialize and then reinstall all my operating systems.Raj:I don’t want to do that.Sheldon:All right. Well, I’m going to perform full backup, reinitialize and then reinstall all my operating systems.Raj: What about me?Sheldon: Well, I understand there are several types of artificial women. Maybe you should look into that.Credits sequence.Scene: A little later.Raj: Dude, there’s so many cool things we could be doing tonight. Look. At the Glendale Galleria, put on your best zoot suit, it’s a salute to Swing music in the center court near Macy’s. 5pm to 9pm, huh, huh? A salute to zoot. Sounds like a hoot.Sheldon: I’m sorry, Raj, I have no desire to salute any article of clothing tonight. Much less one that’s linked to race riots in the 1940s.Raj: Race riots?Sheldon: The zoot suit riots.Raj: Oh. I always thought that was some sort of after-Christmas sale. Well, then why don’t we just go to the galleria and walk around?Sheldon:I don’t need anything at the G alleria. Do you need anything at the Galleria?Raj: No. We would just walk around and see what’s what.Sheldon: That’s a semantically null sentence.Raj: Okay, well, how about this? From the university Web site, 7pm to 10pm, Norton Hall Multipurpose Room, mixer for grad students and faculty of the science and humanities departments. Whether you split atoms or infinitives, this is the place to be.Sheldon: Well, that’s certainly amusing, but I have no interest.Raj: Come on, Sheldon, the world is filled with people doing things outside. Let’s go outside. Outside is good.Sheldon: If outside is so good, why has mankind spent thousands of years trying to perfect inside?Raj:I don’t know, it’s a marketing scheme. Please, Sheldon, I’m a young, virile visitor fro m a foreign land and I need to strut my stuff.Sheldon: Let me offer you a compromise. Sometimes when I feel stifled and want a change of scenery, I use my imagination.Raj: Oh, boy.Sheldon:One of my favourite places to visit is the two-dimensional world described in Edwin Abbott’s mathematical fantasy, Flatland.Raj:I don’t want to go to Flatland.Sheldon:You’re only saying that because you haven’t been there. I am now a hexagon in two-dimensional space and can only perceive the edges of other objects.Raj: Oy.Sheldon: Is that you, Raj? I don’t recognize your edge.Raj: Sheldon, I’m begging you. I want to go to this mixer, and I don’t want to go alone.Sheldon: Well, you’re in luck, there’s a mixer here in Flatland. Oh, look, there’s a sexually attract ive line segment, you should chat her up.Raj: What?Sheldon:Tell her you’re a circle, Flatland gals are all hot for circles.Scene: Leonard’s car.Leonard: I hope you’re hungry, Bernadette, we’re going to a terrific restaurant.Bernadette: Oh, yeah, I’m starved. When you spend all day in a bio-lab, watching flesh-eating bacteria skeletonize small rodents it really works up an appetite.Howard: Flesh-eating bacteria. And yet, I still want to kiss this woman, what does that tell you?Penny: That you’d be w illing to die a horrible death on the off-chance you’d get to second base? Bernadette: Oh, we’re way past second base. Right, Howard?Howard: Well, we kind of disagree about what the bases are.Bernadette: How’s your work going, Penny? Any acting jobs?Penny: Well, the last big thing I did was this production of Diary of Anne Frank above a bowling alley. But I think things might be turning around pretty soon.Leonard: Great. How come?Penny: Well, promise you won’t make fun of me.Leonard: Of course, I would never make fun of you.Penny: Okay. Well, I went to this psychic who told me that if I cut my hair, I’m going to get a national commercial.Leonard (laughing): Seriously? You’re getting career advice from a psychic?Howard: Good job not making fun of her.Penny: She’s not one of those phonies, okay. She wrote a book and has her own Web site.Leonard:Oh, gee, why didn’t you say so? They don’t let just anyone have a Web site.Penny: Why are you being such a jerk?Leonard:You’re surprised? Your psychic didn’t tell you I was going to be a jerk?Penny: Ha-ha, bite me.Leonard: Come on, Penny.Howard: Why don’t you kids go ahead and chat? We’re gonna make out back here.Bernadette:I’m sliding into third.Scene: The university mixer.Raj: Thanks for coming with me.Sheldon: Thanks for giving me your limited edition Green Lantern lantern.Raj: Did you really have to bring it in with you?Sheldon: What if evil strikes and my power ring runs low?Raj: Come on, let’s get a drink.Sheldon:I don’t drink.Raj: Yeah, well I do. And when my wingman is carrying a Green Lantern lantern, I drink a lot. I’ll have a screwdriver, please. Don’t be chintzy with the screw.Sheldon: I would like a root beer float.Raj: Sheldon, they don’t have ice cream.Sheldon: They don’t? Wel l, apparently, these people and I differ greatly on the definition of party.Raj:He’ll have a Shirley Temple.Sheldon: And don’t be chintzy with the Shirley.Raj: Okay, let’s check out the females.Sheldon:All right. There’s a female.Raj: T hat’s Professor Wilkinson’s wife, she’s like 80 years old.Sheldon: But she’s female. Isn’t that the game?Raj:No. I’m looking for a hookup.Sheldon: Oh, yes. So, the point of this exercise is for you to find someone to copulate with?Raj: Not so loud, but ideally, yes. Thanks.Sheldon: Thank you. And what is my function as wingman?Raj: You help me run my game.Sheldon: Okay. What is your game?Sheldon: When I lie through my teeth to a woman, you nod and agree.Girl:Hey, that’s pretty cool. What is it?Sheldon:It’s a limited edition Green Lantern lantern. My friend is looking for someone to copulate with. Girl: You’re very funny. I’m Abby.Sheldon: I’m Sheldon. How do you do?Raj: How do you do? Rajesh Ramayan Koothrappali. Call me Raj.Abby: Hi, Raj. Where are you from?Raj: The mysterious subcontinent of India.Abby: Ooh, India.Raj: You know India?Abby: I saw Slumdog Millionaire.Raj: Well, I’m a slumdog astrophysicist.Sheldon: I thought your father was a gynaecologist. I’m sorry. (Smiles and nods)Abby: Martha, come here. Meet Raj and Sheldon. This is my friend, Martha.Martha: Hi.Raj: Hello.Sheldon: Hello.Martha: Is that the limited edition Green Lantern lantern?Sheldon: In brightest day, in darkest night, no evil shall escape my sight.Martha: Oh, that is so awesome.Sheldon: Thank you. Have you chosen one to copulate with?Scene: A restaurant.Bernadette: So, what should we talk about?Howard: Well, we could always learn more about why people who believe in psychics are idiots. Leonard? Penny: Oh, we don’t need to talk about that anymore. Leonard covered it pretty well in the car. Leonard: I’m sorry, but facts are facts.Penny:Right, and if you can’t understand it, it’s not a fact.Leonard: No, if it’s not a fact, it’s not a fact.Penny: Oh, got it. Thank you for educating me.Leonard: You’re welcome. How’s your fish?Penny: Amazing. Would you like to try some?Leonard: Yeah, sure.Penny:Well, the fact is, you can’t.Leonard:Come on, Howard, Bernadette, you’re both scientists. Help me out here.Howard: Wh at do you think? Want to jump right into the middle of another couple’s argument? Bernadette: No, thank you.Howard: Sorry.Leonard: Maybe we should just stop talking about this.Penny: Maybe some of us should stop talking altogether.Waiter: How is everything tonight?Bernadette: Really uncomfortable.Scene: The stairwell.Leonard:You know, the best thing about being in a committed, monogamous, mutually supportive relationship is that even if you have different ideas, you can have a spirited debate, yet still care for, even make love with… (she shuts the door in his face) Want your fish? (Opens door, takes fish, closes it again) I knew you were going to do that. Doesn’t make me psychic! Attaboy, Leonard, make it worse. (Opens his own apartment door to find Sheldon, Raj and the two girls playing Rock Band and performing American Woman)Leonard:What’s going on?Sheldon: We scored. I’m the wingman.Scene: Leonard’s lab.Howard: Hey.Leonard(handing him protective glasses): Laser.Howard: Had a great night last night. I don’t like to kiss and tell, but somebody made it to eighth base. Leonard: What the hell is eighth base?Howard: Seventh base with shirt off. Well, my shirt. How’d things go with Penny?Leonard:Oh, couldn’t be better.Howard: Are we taking our relationship frustrations out on innocent Cylons?Leonard:It’s not just Cylons. Superman’s next.Howard: All right, I was going to try to squeeze in a little more mocking before lunch, but I can come back later when you don’t have a high-powered weapon.Leonard: How can I go out with a woman who believes in psychics?Howard: Hey, I once dated a girl who believed she was abducted by aliens.Leonard:And that didn’t bother you?Howard: Au contraire. It meant she was gullible and open to a little probing.Leonard:What am I supposed to do, pretend I believe something I don’t whenever I’m with Penny? Howard:Hey, I’m sure Penny fakes all kinds of things when she’s with you.Leonard: Do me a favour, lean over, put your head right here.Howard: Let me show you another way to look at this. Here we have the universe of all women. These are the ones you want to sleep with. These are the women who believe exactly what you believe. These are the women who would be willing to sleep with you. And right there in theli ttle triple intersection is your ideal mate. Odds are she’s a short physicist with low self-esteem who lives in a government research facility in China.Leonard: What’s your point? In order to keep having a sexual relationship with Penny, I have to give up everything I believe in, my intellectual integrity, the very nature of who I am? I can’t do that, Howard. Howard: I respect that. (Takes Leonard’s hand, draws a dot on it.)Leonard: What is that?Howard: Your new girlfriend. Have fun tonight.Scene: The apartment. Sheldon is learning Finnish.Sheldon:The dog… koira. The roof… katto. Grapes… ryp leet. (There is a knock on the door) One minute. Sis n.Raj: What was that?Sheldon:It means come in. It’s taking forever to load the new operating system on my computer. I disinfected the kitchen and the bathroom, and now I thought I’d learn Finnish.Raj: (Hindi)That’s Hindi for whatever floats your boat. Uh, listen, I got a text from that girl Abby, and she and her friend Martha want to hang out with us again. What do you say?Sheldon: I don’t say anything. I merely offer you a facial expression that suggests you’ve gone insane. Raj: I don’t get it. You had a great time.Sheldon: Yes, exactly, I had a great time. That’s done, I’ve moved on to other things. For example, after I learn Finnish, I’m not going to learn Finnish again.Raj: Please, Sheldon, I’m a lost Indian boy far from home, and I want a girlfriend and I want her to be Abby, and she’ll only come over if she can bring Martha.Sheldon: Raj, I highly doubt there is any argument you can make, threat you might levy, rhetorical strategy, plea, invocation, supplication, or… vetoomus that you can employ that would convince me to reconsider. Raj: My Incredible Hulk hands signed by Stan Lee.Sheldon: Oh, my. I’ve admired these for years.Raj: So does that mean we can go with the girls again?Sheldon: Hulk agree to second date with puny humans!Raj:You can’t wear the hands on the date.Sheldon: Hulk sad.Scene: The laundry room.Leonard: Hey. Cleaning out the old dryer lint, huh? Not only is it courteous, it’s safety smart. Every year, 15,000 fires are caused by accidental dryer lint ignition. Now you’re supposed to say, wow, what an interesting fact. Come here, you crazy, nerdy guy. I could never be mad at you.Penny: Wow, that’s all you got after you were the most obnoxious person on a double date that included Howard Wolowitz?Leonard:No, I’m sorry. I really am. It’s not right to mock what a person believes in.Penny: Thank you. Would you be willing to go to my psychic and see what it’s all about?Leonard: Would you be willing to read a book that concisely explains how all psychics are frauds? Penny: I would not.Leonard:Okay, let’s go see your psychic.Penny: Really?Leonard: Well, yeah, one of us has to keep an open mind.Penny: You saying I don’t have an open mind?Leonard: No, not at all. Let me help you with this stuff.Penny: You know, I believe in ghosts, too.Leonard: Great.Penny: And astrology.Leonard: I know, and pyramid power and healing crystals.Penny: Oh, no, no, no, crystals don’t work.Leonard: Really, that’s the line? Psychics are real, but crystals are voodoo?Penny:Oh, voodoo’s real. You don’t want to mess with voodoo.Scene: The apartment.Martha: Flatland is more than just a mathematical essay. It is also a treatise on Victorian social mores. Sheldon: You know, I had never considered that. Wow, that’s going to completely change my visits there. Well, it’s late.Martha: Uh-huh.Sheldon: Time for bed.Martha: Okay.Sheldon: Good night, puny human! (He gets up and leaves).Scene: Outside Sheldon’s bedroom.Martha: Sheldon?Sheldon: Yes?Martha: Listen, they’re kind of getting busy in the living room, and I was wondering if I could hang out in here for a while.Sheldon: Well, I suppose. Com e in. I’ll sleep in Leonard’s room. Good night。

[《星球大战V》主题曲]"The Imperial March"您能行行好把衬衫给关了吗Would you please turn your shirt off?那怎么行What?我的闪亮出场需要恢宏的背景音乐I'm giving myself dramatic entrance music.这样人们才会崇拜并畏惧我People will know I'm awesome and to be feared.确实Right.世上最惊悚的事莫过于There's nothing more awesome and frightening than a man 有音乐从一个男人的咪咪间喷薄而出who's got music blasting from between his nipples.斯图亚特忙啥呢Hey,Stuart,what's going on?你可能需要在谷歌日历上记下了Well,you might want to mark your Google calendars.斯坦·李周四来这里开签名会Stan Lee is coming to do a signing on Thursday.他的自传出续集了吗Did he finally write a sequel to his autobiography?我就知道80来岁的人照样老当益壮I'm sure ages79through87were just action-packed.没就是普通的漫画签名罢了No,just a regular comic signing.我叔叔是他的皮肤科医生My uncle is his dermatologist斯坦·李因此卖个面子给他and Stan's doing him a favor.你告诉我这些干嘛啊你Oh,I don't want to know that!这下好了我怎么可能一边和斯坦·李讨论How can I possibly discuss with Stan Lee用银质冲浪板the scientific foundations for interstellar flight来星际飞行的科学依据on a silver surfboard一边逐行扫描他的脸when part of my brain will be scanning his face以寻找皮肤传染病的蛛丝马迹for signs of contagious skin disease?斯坦·李没有皮肤传染病Stan Lee does not have a contagious skin disease.一边去你又不是斯图亚特的叔叔Well,look who thinks he's Stuart's uncle now.难以置信我们要见到斯坦·李了Can't believe it.We're going to meet Stan Lee![《变形金刚》中大黄蜂播放过的歌曲]"I'm So Excited"我错了我不该教他跳这舞的I'm sad to say I taught him those moves.我实在无法取舍I can't decicide究竟让斯坦·李把名字签在whether I want Stan Lee to autograph托尔第一次出场的《神秘之旅》83期上my Journey into Mystery83,first appearance of Thor还是签在《神奇四侠》第五本上or my Fantastic Four number five,死亡博士的处女秀first appearance of Dr.Doom.[Jeopardy智力竞赛节目思考时的音乐节目的主题曲] (Jeopardy theme song playing)阿莱克斯(Jeopardy的主持)我选的答案是Alex,I'm going to go with what is...你是个傻帽you're a dumbass?我决定让斯坦·李把名签在I've decided I'm going to have Mr.Lee sign my copy这个月的《蝙蝠侠》上of this month's Batman.有病吧你That's crazy.蝙蝠侠又不是斯坦·李的作品[竞争对手]Stan Lee had nothing to do with Batman.对啊所以其他人不会让他签这个Yes,which is why no one else will ask him to sign one,于是我就会拥有一件and I will be the possessor of虽然怪异但独一无二的稀世珍宝a unique,albeit confusing,artifact,我从此就和那群芸芸which will set me apart漫画迷不再是一个级别的了from hoi polloi of comic book fandom.这点子不错That's a great idea.我也让他签《蝙蝠侠》去I'm going to get him to sign a Batman as well.你对独一无二这个词很难理解么What is it about the word"unique"you don't understand?靠手被纸片划破了Damn,paper cut.被纸割伤最痛苦了Nothing worse than a paper cut.你忘了割礼吧[犹太儿童切除包皮的仪式]Well,obviously you don't remember your circumcision.上面抽屉里有新孢霉素和创口贴There's Neosporin and Band-Aids in my top desk drawer.这些东西不是该放在卫生间里吗Why don't you keep that stuff in the bathroom?卫生间里有还有厨房里He does.And in the kitchen.还有车里再加上他口袋里And in the car.And in his pocket.没错但我口袋里的可不给别人用Yeah,but the ones in my pocket are mine.-嗨-嘿-Hi!-Hey.猜猜看Guess who's going to be周四谁会去漫画店at the comic bookstore on Thursday?呃给点提示吧Um...can you give me a hint?斯坦·李Stan Lee.噢斯坦利Um...Stanley...斯坦利·图奇?[著名演员]Stanley...Stanley Tucci?不是No.是斯坦·李No,Stan...Lee.哦斯坦·李嘛Oh,oh,Stan Lee!不错嘛Cool!你根本不知道他是谁吧You have no idea who he is,do you?谁说的我当然知道Of course I do.你是我生命中的重要的一部分You're an important part of my life我自然会爱屋及乌啦and I pay attention to the things you are interested in.是嘛好啊Oh,good.好极了Good.那你说说斯坦·李是谁So,who's Stan Lee?星际迷航里的Um...he was on Star Trek.猜错了Nope.-那就星球大战-又错-Star Wars?-No.呃斯坦·李Um...uh,Stan Lee.我知道了Ooh,he was in those是你喜欢的傻帽功夫片里的goofy kung fu movies you love so much?那是李小龙That's Bruce Lee.啊哦Oh.那这是小龙的书呆子哥哥斯坦?So,is this Bruce Lee's nerdy brother,Stan?谢尔顿你抽屉怎么有那么多Sheldon,why do you have all these unopened没拆封的薪水支票paychecks in your desk?因为我想买的东西Because most of the things I'm planning to buy市面上基本上都没有haven't been invented yet.这儿得有好几千块了吧There-there must be thousands of dollars here.你干嘛不存银行里Why don't you put it in the bank?鬼才相信银行I don't trust banks.我坚信如果有一天机器人奋起反抗了I believe that when the robots rise up,自动取款机肯定是起义军领袖ATMs will lead the charge.这儿还有一封You've also got something帕萨迪纳市法院寄来的东西from the Pasadena Municipal Court.肯定又是回信来鄙视我Undoubtedly another snide response之前寄去的几封信里to my repeated letters complaining投诉了法院门口的旗子that the flags in front of the courthouse次序是错误的are flying in the wrong order.按照从左到右的顺序From left to right,it's supposed to be应该先是联邦旗州旗federal,state,最后才轮到帕萨迪纳市旗and then city of Pasadena.打断一下你为此寄了好几封信过去I'm sorry.You sent more than one letter about that?它们看着太碍眼了It bothers me.谢尔顿这是封传票Sheldon,this is a summons.什么的传票A summons for what?信上说你在玛格大道闯了红灯Looks like you ran a red light M Margo Avenue时间是11月16号晚上9点半at9:30p.m.on November16.你被路边的摄像头拍下来了They got you on a traffic camera.挺上镜嘛Nice picture.11月16号November16?佩妮那不就是你在浴缸里摔倒Penny,that's the evening you fell in your bathtub然后我不得不带你去看急诊的那晚吗and I had to drive you to the emergency room.不是No,it isn't.就是Yes,it is.就不是No,it isn't.佩妮我记得很清楚Penny,I have an eidetic memory.而且摄像头也拍下了你在副驾驶位置上Also,that's a picture of you in the passenger seat托着你那脱臼的肩膀holding your dislocated shoulder.才不是呢Mmm,no,it isn't.好吧那为啥传票上违反交规的Okay,then why is a summons for a traffic violation是你的车而且挂着你的车牌committed in your car,bearing your license plates,却寄来我这儿了coming to me?好吧他们给我发了传票Okay,look,they sent me the ticket.我告诉他们当时并不是我开的车I told them I wasn't driving然后他们逼问我"除了你还有谁"and they were all,"If it wasn't you,who was it?"于是你就把我出卖了So you betrayed me?才没有No!这哪是出卖It wasn't a betrayal.我只不过表示"我的驾照已经没分好扣了"It was more of a"I can't afford any more points on my license."我已经不得不I already have to buy my insurance去开曼群岛上买车险了from this place in the Cayman Islands.但我之所以开你的车还不是因为But the only reason I was driving your car你当时可怜兮兮的我才伸出援手was because you were in distress and I was rescuing you.是啊是啊你看现在你有张照片记录英勇的一天Yea yea.Look at you.you have a photo to remember that heroic day.没什么大不了的It's not that big a deal.你只要周四去法院You just go down to the court on Thursday交罚金就行and you pay the fine.我才不去交罚金I'm not going to pay a fine.那就说明我有罪That would imply I'm guilty.你确实有罪You are guilty.[《法律与秩序》的主题曲]这个我喜欢That one I liked.我是无罪的I am not guilty.我只有实习驾照I only have a learner's permit.佩妮教我的Penny was the teacher.转黄灯时她就说"快快快"When the light turned yellow she said"Go,go,go."于是我就"开开开"So I went,went,went.谢尔顿对不起Sheldon,I'm sorry.我会还你罚金的钱I'll be happy to reimburse you for the fine.只要我能参演一部电影You know,as soon as I get a part in a movie或者自己拍个电视剧or my own TV series.不用你还因为我不会交的You don't need to reimburse me because I'm not paying.周四那天我会去法院On Thursday,I will have my day in court正义会得到伸张and justice will be done.我现在就着手准备辩护In fact,I'm going to begin preparing my defense right now.他坐定牢了Okay,he's going to jail.对哦Oh,that's right.周四是斯坦·李签名日Thursday is Stan Lee Day.看到你做的好事了吧Now you see what you've done?就因为你我们都见不到斯坦·李了Because of you,we're all going to miss Stan Lee.你说"都"是什么意思What do you mean"all?"你们是我朋友啊Well,you're my friends.你们要站在我旁边支持我You'll be standing by my side,supporting me,为我提供案例feeding me legal precedents,你们上身要是够壮and if you had the upper body strength,我胜诉时可以把我搁肩膀上扛出去carrying me out on your shoulders when I'm victorious.这个嘛不行Yeah,okay.No.你是说我为自己辩护时Are you saying that you will not stand beside me你不会来站在我身边吗as I plead my case?是这个意思That's what I'm saying.霍华德Howard?斯坦·李法庭上的你Uh,Stan Lee,or you in court.要是《苏菲的选择》有这么简单Uh,if this was Sophie's Choice电影就不会那么长了不行it would've been a much shorter movie.No.拉杰Raj?你会来吧You'll be there,won't you?那好吧All right,then.我所谓的朋友都抛弃了我My so-called friends have forsaken me.看来只剩我和目击证人了So,I guess it'll just be me and my eyewitness.晕死Oh,balls.请着装得体一点Please try to wear something appropriate.要是法官只顾着想It won't help my case你屁股上'美味多汁'的意思if the judge is busy trying to read the word"Juicy"对我的案子没好处scrawled across your buttocks.佩妮Penny.佩妮Penny.佩妮Penny.节奏不对That's just wrong.好了走吧All right,let's go.等一下Wait,hold on.去法院之前Before we get to the courthouse,我想看一下你的演技I'd like to call on your skills as an actress.这是什么What is this?我冒昧地I've taken the liberty为你起草了出庭作证的剧本of scripting your appearance on the witness stand面对现实你有点我行我素because,let's face it,you're somewhat of a loose cannon.别担心都是用你的方言写的{\c it's written in your vernacular.我们排练一下如何So shall we rehearse?我有得选吗Do I have a choice?你当然有选择权Well,of course you have a choice.虽然我们生活在宿命里Although we live in a deterministic universe,但每个人都有自由选择的权力each individual has free will.给我坐下Now,sit down.请你回忆下I call your attention11月16日发生的事to the events of November16.你记得那天吗Do you remember that date?废话我记得"Darn tootin',I do.请法官原谅我家乡内布拉斯加"If the court will excuse my homespun,粗俗简朴的语言corn-fed Nebraskan turn of phrase."很好继续Excellent.Go on.我记得那天"The reason that date is,like,而且铭记在我的脑子里"so totally fixed in my memory是因为我有幸目睹了"is that I had the privilege to be witness毕生从未见过的英勇行为to one of the most heroic acts I've ever seen in,like,ever."谁的英勇行为"And who performed that heroic act?"您的啊阁下"Why,you did,sir.您谢尔顿·库珀博士"You.Dr.Sheldon Cooper.而且我想说我很荣幸认识您And may I add,it is a privilege to know you."不必称赞我"There's no need for compliments.法庭只看重事实This court is only interested in the facts."但感觉很荣幸能认识您啊也是个事实啊"But it is a fact that it's a privilege to know you.真的Totally."一滴泪从我面颊流下A teardrop rolls down my cheek?!纯属建议Only a suggestion.喉咙哽咽一下也可以A catch in your throat would work just as well.但我感觉"But it is a fact很荣幸能认识您啊也是个事实啊"that it's a privilege to know you.真的Totally."你还是穿"美味多汁"的裤子吧Maybe you should put on your"Juicy"pants again.去交罚金Pay the cashier.谢尔顿·库珀Sheldon Cooper.早上好法官大人Good morning,Your Honor.我是谢尔顿·库珀博士Dr.Sheldon Cooper自我辩护appearing in pro se.也就是说代表我自己That is to say,representing himself.我知道什么意思I know what it means.我读过法律学校I went to law school.结果却在审理交通法庭And yet you wound up in traffic court.不管怎样Anyway,法官允许的话if it would please the court,我想做个开庭陈述I'd like to begin with an opening statement.法官会建议你简短点The court would advise you to make it quick,因为法官早上吃了可能馊了的玉米煎饼as the court had a dicey-looking breakfast burrito this morning 而且刚吃了易蒙停(止泻药)and just took an Imodium.快速的开场陈述A quick opening statement.如同一个挤奶凳Like a milking stool,本案有三个my case rests on立足点three legs.我要论证的是I will demonstrate我在驾驶过程中受到一个女人的误导that I was improperly instructed in driving这个女人缺乏社会上by a woman whose lack of respect for society 对反社会界定的基本认识borders on the sociopathic.我要争辩的是I will argue紧急情况下的法律原理that the emergency met the legal doctrine是需要即合法[拉丁文]of quod est necessarium est licitum--也就是需要即合法that which is necessary is legal.但首先But first,我要提出第六条修正案[美国权利法案]I will raise a Sixth Amendment issue.我无法与控方对峙I'm unable to confront my accuser,因为控方是一台非人类机器a non-human entity,to wit,也就是摄像机a camera.所以综上所述So,to sum up:错误指导{\c加上"需要即合法"的原理{\c还有第六条修正案Sixth Amendment.我的挤奶凳辨述完毕My milk stool is complete.佩服佩服Impressive.谢谢Thank you.罪名成立Guilty.去付钱吧Pay the cashier.我反对I object.你这是在无视法律You're completely ignoring the law.不我遵守法律No,I'm following the law.只是在无视你I'm ignoring you.是吗Really?提醒你一下我可是业内顶尖人士I would point out that I am at the top of my profession,你却坐在桌子后面过家家while you preside over the kiddy table of yours.库珀博士我给你个机会为你最后的言论道歉Dr.Cooper,before I find you in contempt不然我要视你为蔑视法庭and throw you in jail,I'm going to give you a chance把你扔进监狱to apologize for that last remark.我可是个科学家I am a scientist.我才不会为陈述事实而道歉I never apologize for the truth.那是我的位置That's my spot.我等不及要问斯坦·李I can't wait to ask Stan Lee为什么他笔下每个角色的姓和名why he insists on giving all his characters first and last names 开头字母都是一样的that start with the same letter.[以下均为惊奇漫画人物]得了你这是何必Oh,come on.Why would you do that?分别出自《绿巨人》和《神奇四侠》布鲁斯·班纳里德·理查Bruce Banner,Reed Richards,分别出自《神奇四侠》和《怪谈故事》后者为惊奇的系列漫画苏珊·斯汤斯蒂芬·史催博士Sue Storm,Stephen Strange,分别出自《蜘蛛侠》和《神奇四侠》奥拓·八爪博士和银影侠Otto Octavius,Silver Surfer,出自《蜘蛛侠》彼得·帕克还有最夸张的Peter Parker,oh,and worst of all,出自《神奇的蜘蛛侠》小约翰·约拿·詹姆森J.Jonah Jameson,Jr.好吧我要插在你前面Okay,I'm cutting.免得斯坦·李被你惹毛了我遭殃I'm not gonna talk to Stan Lee after you cheese him off.《蜘蛛侠》的主题音乐铃声嗨Hey.谢尔顿进了监狱Sheldon's in jail.啥谢尔顿进了监狱?!Sheldon's in jail?!被你说中了You called it.-怎么搞的-你觉得呢-For what?-What do you think?就是他平时一贯的找抽风格For doing the same crap he always does,只不过法官不吃这一套except to a judge.他不道歉就出不来He has to stay in there until he apologizes.那就让他道歉啊So tell him to apologize.多谢提醒莱纳德Oh,gee,thanks,Leonard.你以为我没想过吗That didn't occur to me.如果他五点前还不道歉If he doesn't apologize by5:00,就得在监狱里过夜了he is going to spend the night in jail.哦不真是糟糕Oh,no,that's terrible.哇队伍动了挂了回见Ooh,the line's moving.Got to go.Bye.有人吗Excuse me?狱卒在吗Excuse me,jailor?咋了What?我要上厕所I need to use the restroom.在那边自便Knock yourself out.这算是马桶?That's the toilet?不然你以为是许愿池吗Well,it ain't a wishing well.请转告法官我准备向他道歉Please tell the judge I'm ready to apologize.看啊Look at that."致吾友莱纳德"To my friend,Leonard.惊奇漫画的一个系列后改称Loners独行侠斯坦·李"From Stan Lee,Excelsior!"牛逼Awesome.我上面写的是"致吾友霍华德"Mine says,"To my friend,Howard.独行侠斯坦·李From Stan Lee,Excelsior!"我上面写的是"致拉杰斯坦·李"Mine says,"To Raj,from Stan Lee."因为你纠结他的角色名把他惹毛了That's'cause you pissed him off about his character names.搞毛Hey,前者是惊奇漫画虚拟组织S.H.I.E.L.D成员后者出自《蜘蛛侠》我还没提达姆弹头杜甘和绿魔I didn't even mention Dum Dum Dugan or Green Goblin,分别出自《夜魔侠》和《钢铁侠》马特·默多克和小辣椒波兹Matt Murdock,Pepper Potts,末日博士[出自《神奇四侠》]Victor V on Doom,还有最夸张的oh,and worst of all,惊奇漫画的长篇幽默系列米莉模特Millie the Model.我们回来了We're home.伙计情况如何Oh,hey,buddy.How'd it go?你明明都知道了还问个屁You know very well how it went.是啊但我们想听你亲口说Yeah,but we all want to hear it from you.我被判有罪还被罚了533美元I was found guilty and fined$533.我会写张支票给你I'm going to write you a check for that.只要你答应我藏在抽屉里As long as you promise to put it in your drawer别去兑换就和其他那些东西一样and never cash it,like the others.我还没有驾照I also now have three points但上面已经被扣了三点on a driver's license I do not yet possess,还被迫道了个冤枉歉and I was forced to issue an undeserved apology,只因为我拒绝在一群犯人面前simply because I refuse to urinate就着个不锈钢尿盆排尿in a stainless steel bowl in front of criminals.再加上你错过了和斯坦·李见面Plus,you didn't get to meet Stan Lee.好了别刺激他了霍华德Okay,that's enough,Howard.这可怜虫够难受的了The poor guy's had a tough time.一个下午都待在监狱He had to spend the entire afternoon in jail还穿成这幅德行wearing that suit.说得对You're right,所以我们也别提在亲笔签名后so it would be cruel to mention他带斯图尔特和咱一起去吃了意式冰淇淋that after he finished signing autographs,这就太残酷了Stanley took Stuart and us out for gelato.你们和斯坦·李共进意式冰淇淋?You had gelato with Stan Lee?他还允许我们叫他斯坦He said we could call him Stan.除了拉杰Except for Raj.你这下满意了吧佩妮Well,I hope you're satisfied,Penny.今天我所遭受的磨难You are responsible这全都是你的错for all the evil that has be fallen me today.-好吧我知道...-我还没说完呢-Okay,I realize that...-Not finished.都是因为你It is because of you害得我有了犯罪记录that I now have a criminal record,还因为你害得我and it is because of you that I missed out错过了和斯坦·李共进意式冰淇淋on having gelato with Stan Lee.-好吧也许以后还有机会...-不可能了-Okay,maybe you'll have another chance to have...-No,no.再也没有这种机会和斯坦·李一起共进意式冰淇淋了I will never have another chance to have gelato with Stan Lee 因为这种机会because opportunities to have和斯坦·李一起共进意式冰淇淋一生只有一次gelato with Stan Lee come but once in a lifetime.手起笔落The Moving Finger writes,白纸黑字再难改[出自《鲁拜集》]and having writ,moves on他刚是朝我竖中指了吗Did he just somehow give me the finger?可不只是手指Not just the finger.还挥起了小手The moving finger.你好斯图尔特Hey,Stuart.你好佩妮Oh,hey,Penny.-怎么了-没什么-What's going on?-Nothing.我正准备打烊然后出发I'm just getting ready to close up and...head out.真好晚上有安排Cool.Got any fun plans?对今晚有重大安排Oh,yeah.Big night tonight.跟只猫一起共享金枪鱼罐头Gonna share a can of tuna with the cat.真好Oh,nice.那甚至不是我的猫Not even my cat.我就喂喂它I just feed it.有几晚它甚至都不会出现Some nights it doesn't even show up.好吧Oh,okay.我希望Well,I was hoping,um,你能帮我个忙you could do me a favor.义不容辞说吧Sure,yeah,name it.这次谢尔顿没见上斯坦·李我得负一定责任Well,I'm kind of responsible for Sheldon missing Stan Lee,我真的很想弥补他and I really want to make it up to him.所以希望你能给我他的电话So I was hoping you could give me his phone number也许我能安排他们见个面so maybe I can arrange for them to meet.抱歉我没他电话Oh,I'm sorry,I don't have his phone number.该死Damn.好吧谢了All right.Thank you.等等Wait.我有他地址I have his address.真的Really?太好了Great!但不能告诉你But I can't give it to you.那你为什么要提这茬Then why did you tell me you had it?我不知道这不聊天嘛I don't know.Just chatting.别这样看着我You're looking at a guy我已经可怜到连流浪猫who could very well get stood up都可能放我鸽子by a stray cat tonight.抱歉斯图尔特I'm sorry,Stuart.不管怎样谢了Thanks anyway.等等Wait.怎么了Yeah?不如我们做笔交易Maybe we can make a deal.什么交易What kind of deal?我告诉你地址I will give you the address你就陪我去参加我表妹的婚礼if you go to my cousin's wedding with me.你这是在逼我跟你约会You're extorting a date out of me?我没其他办法I kind of have to.这次要结婚的这个表妹The cousin who's getting married就是以前经常陪我参加别人婚礼的那个is the cousin I usually go to weddings with.我能带上莱纳德吗Can I bring Leonard?当然随便吧Sure.What the hell.成交Deal.告诉别人他是你表哥就行We'll tell people he's your cousin.这是斯坦·李家的大门This is Stan Lee's front door.越过斯坦·李家马路的石头We were on Stan Lee's curb,走过斯坦·李经常走过的路then we were on Stan Lee's walk,终于来到了斯坦·李家大门外and now we're at Stan Lee's front door.对Yup.天哪你按了斯坦·李家门铃Oh,Lord,you just rang Stan Lee's doorbell.就站在斯坦·李家门外At Stan Lee's house.我们就要进去跟斯坦·李共享牛奶和点心We're about to go in and have milk and cookies with Stan Lee.亲爱的我不确定他是否会招待我们点心Okay,sweetie,I don't know if we're gonna have cookies,还是直接问候了事or he's just gonna say hi,还是会怎么着所以让我来跟他谈...or really what's gonna happen,so just let me talk,and...哪位Yeah?你就是斯坦·李吗Are you Stan Lee?见鬼Oh,damn.你好我叫佩妮这位是我朋友谢尔顿Hi.I'm Penny.This is my friend,Sheldon.她现在不是我朋友We're not friends at the moment.鉴于此刻形势Depends on how this goes.好吧总之Right,right.Anyway,谢尔顿是您的超级粉丝他原打算Sheldon here is a huge fan of yours,and he was supposed那天去漫画书店参加您的见面会to meet you the other day at the comic book store,可惜最后进了监狱but he kind of ended up in jail.了解你们真以为I see.And you thought这样不请自来就能随便敲我家门you'd just come over to my house uninvited?你说过我们是受邀来的You said we were invited.不不我只说我邀请你Oh,no,no,I said I'm inviting you跟我一起去斯坦·李家to come with me to Stan Lee's house.你们这些自称粉丝的真是不可思议You know,you fan boys are unbelievable.真以为只要自己高兴随时都能按我家门铃Do you think you can just ring my doorbell any time you want?既然这样干嘛不索性进门来I mean,why don't you just come on in跟我一起看湖人队比赛好了and watch the Lakers game with me?我不是很爱好体育Well,I'm not much of a sports fan,不过感谢邀请but thank you.我很抱歉I'm sorry.他不是很懂什么叫讽刺He doesn't really understand sarcasm.好吧我动点真格的他就会懂了Well,I'll give him something he'll understand.琼妮快报警Joanie,call the police!很高兴见到你Nice to meet you.《神奇四侠》《夜魔侠》Fantastic Four,Daredevil,《无敌钢铁超人》Invincible Iron Man,分别为《钢铁侠》《蜘蛛侠》中角色快乐霍根蜥蜴博士Happy Hogan,Curt Connors...你能不能消停会Would you just let it go?Fin Fang Foom是《钢铁侠》中一条龙的形象还有最糟糕的非凡龙And worst of all,Fin Fang Foom.你去哪了Hey,where've you been?我告诉你们我去哪了I'll tell you where I've been.你们或许跟斯坦·李一起吃了冰激凌You boys may have had gelato with Stan Lee还得了他亲笔签名的漫画and gotten autographed comics,我可是亲自进了他家but I saw the inside of his house还得到了他亲笔签名的禁制令申请状and got an autographed application for a restraining order.赞Sweet.还有我还能再见到他等听证会的时候Plus,I get to hang out with him again at the hearing.下次我还能如法炮制This is going to look great hanging nextLeonard Nimoy史波克扮演者去要伦纳德·尼莫伊签名的禁制令to my restraining order from Leonard Nimoy.。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E01 – The Electric Can Opener FluctuationPreviously on The Big Bang Theory...[Scene: Opening shows some scenes from the final episode of the previous season, followed by the caption “Three months later.” Scene then opens in lobby, with the guys arriving home from the North Pole. All have long hair and bushy beards except Sheldon, whose hair is slightly longer and who has a goatee.]Sheldon：I am going to the Arctic Circle with Leonard,Walowitz,and Koothrappali.Penny：For three months? -Sheldon：Yes.Leonard：What did you mean when you said you were going to miss me?Penny：It means I wish you weren't going.[three month later]Leonard：Oh,thank God we're home.Howard：I can't believe we spent three months in that frozen hell.Rajesh：It was like a snowy nightmare from which there was no awakening.Sheldon：I don't know what Arctic expedition you guys were on,but I thought it was a hoot and a half.Sheldon：Oh,hi,Mom. No,I told you I'd call you when I got home. I'm not home yet.All right,I'm home.The Arctic expedition was a remarkable success.I'm all but certain there's a Nobel Prize in my future. Actually,I shouldn't say that.I'm entirely certain. No,Mother,I could not feel your church group praying for my safty. The fact that I'm home safe does not prove that it worked. The logic is post hoc ergo propter hoc. No,I'm not sassing you in Eskimo talk. Leonard I'm gonna go let Penny know we're back.Sheldon：Mother,I have to go.Yeah,love you. Bye.Hello,old friend.Daddy's home.Penny：Leonard,you're back.Leonard：Yeah. I just stopped by to say-- hmph!Yeah. So,hi.Penny：Hi.(They stumble, kissing, into her apartment and slam the door shut)Howard：Damn it,I should have gone over and told her we were back.Rajesh：Yeah,it was first-come,first-serve.Credits Sequence[Scene: A moment later.]Sheldon：I just want you both to know, When I publish my findings,I won't forget your contributions. Howard：Great.Rajesh：Thanks.Sheldon：Of course,I can't mention you in my Nobel acceptance speech, but when I get around to writing my memoirs, you can expect a very effusive footnote and perhaps a signed copy.Rajesh：We have to tell him.Sheldon：Tell me what?You fellows are planning a party for me,aren't you?Howard：Okay,Sheldon,sit down.Sheldon：If there's going to be a theme I should let you know that I don't care for luau,toga or "under the sea."Howard：Yeah,we'll keep that in mind. Look...We need to talk to you about something that happened at the North Pole.Sheldon：If this is about the night the heat went out,there's nothing to be embarrassed about.Rajesh：It's not about that.Howard：And we agreed never speak of it again.Sheldon：So we slept together naked.It was only to keep our core body temperatures from plummeting. Howard：He's speaking about it.Rajesh：For me,it was a bonding moment.Howard：Sheldon,you remember the first few weeksWe were looking for magnetic monopoles And not finding anything and you were acting like an obnoxious,giant dictator?Rajesh：thought we were going to be gentle with him.Howard：That's why I added the "tator."And then when we finally got our first positive data, you were so happy.Sheldon：Oh,yes. In the world of emoticons,I was colon,capital "D."Howard：Well,in actuality,what your equipment detected wasn't so much evidence of paradigm- shifting monopoles as it was...static from the electric can opener we were turning on and off.Rajesh：He just went colon,capital "O."Sheldon：You tampered with my experiment?Howard：We had to.Rajesh：It was the only way to keep you from being such a huge Dickensian.You see that? I add the "ensian."Sheldon：Did Leonard know abouthis?Leonard's my best friend in the world.Surely Leonard didn't know. Howard：Actually,it was his idea.Sheldon：Of course it was. The whole plan weeks of Leonard.Penny：I missed you so much.Leonard：I missed you,tooPenny：I couldn't even think of anyone else while you were gone.Leonard：Me,neither.Except for one night when the heat went out.Long story. It's... Don't ask.Sheldon：(Knock, knock, knock)Leonard.(Knock, knock, knock) Leonard.(Knock, knock, knock) Leonard. Leonard：Do not make a sound.Sheldon(whispering)："Do not make a sound..."...is a sound.Leonard：Damn his Vulcan hearing.Not a good time,Sheldon.Sheldon：Penny.Penny. Penny.Penny：Oh,this is ridicules.What?Sheldon：Hello,Penny I realize you're currently at the mercy of your primitive biological urges,but as you have an entire lifetime of poor decisions ahead of you,may I interrupt this one?Penny：It's great to see you too. Come on in.Sheldon：Wolowitz has informed me of your grand deception.Do you have anything to say for yourself? Leonard：Yes,I feel terrible about it.I will never forgive myself,I don't expect you to,either,and I would really appreciate it if you would leave me with Penny for a session of self-criticism and repentance.Penny：Okay,can someone please tell me what's going on here?Sheldon：What's going on is I was lead to believe I was making groundbreaking strides in science,when in fact,I was being fed false data at the hands of Wolowitz,Koothrappali and your furry little boy toy.Penny：Is that true?Leonard：It was the only way to make him happy.Penny：Well,why'd you have to make him happy?Leonard：Because when he wasn't happy,we wanted to kill him.There was even a plan.We were going to throw his kindle outside,and when he went to get it,lock the door and let him freeze to death.Sheldon：That seems like a bit of an overreaction.Leonard：No,the overreaction was the plan to tie your limbs to four different sled dog teams andyell,"Mush."Look,we kept the original data.You can still publish the actual results.Sheldon：Yes,but the actual results are unsuccessful and I've already sent an e-mail to everyone at the university explaining that I have confirmed string theory and forever changed man's understanding of the universe.Leonard：Aw,see,yeah,you probably shouldn't have done that.So write another e-mail. Set the record straight.It's no big deal.Sheldon：You're right,Leonard.It's not a big deal. All you did was lie to me,destroy my dream and humiliate me in front of the whole university. That,FYI,was sarcasm. I,in fact,believe it is a big deal.Penny：Oh,the poor thing.Leonard：Yeah,I feel terrible.Penny：Wait wait,aren't you going to go talk to him?Leonard：What? Uh,he'll be fine.The guy's a trooper. Come here.Penny：No,you're right-- you shouldn't talk to him.I will.Leonard：Man,I cannot catch a break.[Scene: Sheldon’s bedroom. Penny knocks and enters.]Penny：Do you want to talk?Sheldon：About what? Being betrayed by my friends?Spending three months at the North Pole for nothing?And I didn't even get to go to Comic-Con!Penny：Oh,hon...Uh... Soft kitty,warm kitty...Sheldon：That's for when I'm sick. Sad is not sick.Penny：Oh. Sorry.I don't know your sad song.Sheldon：I don't have a sad song. I'm not a child.Penny：Well,you know,I do understand what you're going through.Sheldon：Really?Did you just have the Nobel Prize in waitressing stolen from you?Penny：Well,no,but when I was a senior in high school,one of my friends heard I was going to be named head cheerleader.Oh,I was so excited.My mom even made me a celebration pie.Then they named stupid Valerie Mosbacher head cheerleader.Big old slutbag.Sheldon：Are you saying that you think a "celebtion pie" is even remotely comparable to a Nobel Prize? Penny：Well,they're pretty tasty.Sheldon：And on a different,but not unrelated topic, based on your current efforts to buoy my spirits,do you truly believe that you were ever fit to be a cheer leader?Penny：Look,Sheldon,I just don't think that the guys and Leonard really meant to hurt you.You know? They just told an unfortunate lie to deal with a difficult situation.Okay,you know what it's like?Remember that scene in the new Star Trek movie when Kirk has to take over the ship,so he tells Spock all that stuff he knew wasn't true,like saying Spock didn't care his mom died?Sheldon：I missed Comic- Con and the new Star Trek movie![Scene: The university cafeteria. The guys have shaved and had haircuts. Howard has kept his moustache.]Rajesh：I like the new look.Howard：Thanks.I call it "the Clooney."Rajesh：I call it "the Mario and Luigi but whatever.Hey,how's sheldon doing?Leonard：Well,he came out of his room this morning wearing his Darth Vader helmet and trying to chop me to death with the "force" so I would say "a little better."Howard：If I may abruptly change the subject,did you and Penny finally... you know.Leonard：Howard...Howard：Personally,I don't care, but my genitals wanted me to ask.Leonard：Well tell your genitals what I do with Penny is none of their business.Howard(to his genitals)：He says they didn't do it.Leonard(to Sheldon, entering)：Sheldon,over here.(Sheldon sits at another table and tries to choke all three to death with the force. Raj pretends he is choking.)Howard：What are you doing?Rajesh：well,I feel bad for the guy.Leonard：Sheldon,why are you sitting by yourself?Sheldon：Because I am without friends.Like the proverbial cheese,I stand alone.Evenhile seated. Leonard：Come on. We said we were sorry.Sheldon：It's going to take more than an "I'm sorry"and a store-bought apology pie from Penny to make up for what you've done to me.Barry：Hey,Cooper.Read your retraction email.Way to destroy your reputation.Sheldon：You see? People have been pointing and laughing at me all morning.Barry：That's not true.People have been pointing and laughing at you your whole life.Sheldon：All right,I've had enough.Attention,everyone. I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper. As many of you in the physics department might know, my career trajectory has taken a minor detour. Off a cliff. My credibility may have been damaged . Completely wrecked.But I would like to remind you that in science,there's no such thing as failure.There once was a man who was referred to his prediction of a cosmological constant as the single "biggest blunder"of his career. That man's name was--surprise,surprise--Albert Einstein.Barry：Yeah,but research into Dark Energy proved that Einstein's cosmological constant was actually right all along,so you're still--surprise,surprise--a loser.Sheldon：Oh,you think you're so clever.Well,let me just tell you,while I do not currently have a scathing retort,you check your e-mail periodically for a doozy.Leonard：So much for our friendship with Sheldon.Rajesh：Well,we always have the night the heat went out.[Scene: Penny’s apartment.]Penny：Hi.Leonard：Hey.Listen,since we got,you know, interrupted last night,I didn't have a chance to give you this. Penny：Oh,Leonard,you shouldn't have.Oh,boy!What is it?Leonard：It's a snowflake.From the North Pole.Penny：Are you serious?Leonard：Uh-huh.It'll last forever.I preserved in a one percent solution of polyvinyl acetal resin.Penny：Oh,my God.That's the most romantic thing anyone's ever said to me that I didn't understand. Leonard：It's actually a pretty simple process.You see,cyanoacrylates are monomers which polymerize on--(she kisses him)Howard：Red alert,Leonard. Sheldon ran away.Leonard：Man,I cannot catch a break.Penny：So,how do you know he ran way?Howard：Well,he's not answering his phone,he handed in his resignation at the university and he sent me a text that said,"I'm running away."Leonard：Okay,well,thanks for letting me know.Penny：Well,Leonard,aren't you going to do something?Of course I'm going to do something. Uh,Howard,you check the comic book Raj,go to the Thai restaurant.I'll stay here with Penny in her apartment.(His phone rings)Oh,damn it,It's Sheldon's mother. A break cannot be caught.Hi,Mrs. Cooper.he is?Sheldon went home to TexasYeah,no,I know he resigned.Yes... I guess it is kind of our fault.No,no,no. You-you're right.Someone needs to come talk to him.Don't worry,I'll take care of it.Yeah. All right.New plan.Howard,you and Raj go to Texas.I'll stay here with Penny in her apartment.Penny：Well,you're not gonna go with them?Leonard：Well,you know,I gave you the snowflakeand we were kissing and...Oh,come on,I don't want to go to Texas!Howard：Oh,right,and I do?My people already crossed a desert once.We're done.Leonard：Trust me,you'll be fine. See ya.Penny：Well,wait a second,Leonard,come on,how can you not go? He's your best friend.Leonard：Yeah,but I already saw him naked.Penny：I promise I will be he when you get back.Just go help Sheldon.Leonard：Really?Penny：Yeah. We waited a few months.We can wait a few more days.Leonard：Maybe you can.Go.Rajesh：Boy,you cannot catch a break,can you?[Scene: Sheldon’s mother’s kitchen.]Mrs Cooper：Here you go,Shelly.Sheldon：Thaks,Mom.Mrs Cooper：Hold your horses,young man.Here in Texas,we pray before we eat.Sheldon：Aw,Mom.This is not California,land of the heathen.Mrs Cooper：Gimme.By His hand we are all...Sheldon： ...fed.Mrs Cooper：Give us,Lord,our daily...Sheldon ： ...bread.Mrs Cooper：Please know that we are truly...Sheldon： ...grateful.Mrs Cooper：For every cup and every...Sheldon：...plateful. Amen.Mrs Cooper：Now,that wasn't so hard,was it?Sheldon：My objection was based on considerations Other than difficulty.Mrs Cooper：Whatever. Jesus still loves you.Sheldon：Thank you for carving a smiley face in my grilled cheese sandwich.Mrs Cooper：Oh,I know how to take care of my baby.His eyes cames out a little thin,But you can just pretend he's Chinese.Do you want to talk about what happened with you and your little friends?Sheldon：They're not my friends.Mrs Cooper：All right.If you recall,when you were little,we sat right here at this very spotWe talked about some of the problemsThat you had get in along with the neighbor kid s.Sheldon：That was different.They were threatened by my intelligenceAnd too stupid to know that's why they hated me.Mrs Cooper：Oh baby,they knew very well why they hate you.[Scene: A rental car.]Leonard：I can't believe you bought a red cowboy hat.Howard：Hello? I'm wearing a red turtleneck Plus,it was the only boys' large they had.Rajesh：I'm sorry,this does not look like Texas.Where's the tumbleweeds? Whe's the saloons? Leonard：Saloons?Rajesh：Yeah,like in the movies I saw growing up in India.You know,uh,Four for T exas,Yellow Rose of Texes.Howard：This neighborhood is more likeT exas ChainsawRajesh：I was really hoping to see a cattle drive.Leonard：What can I tell you?They probably have steaks on sale at that big-ass Costco over there.[Scene: Sheldon’s mother’s house.]Leonard：Will you please take that stupid hat off?Howard：No,I want to blend in.Rajesh：To what? Toy Story?Mrs Cooper：Hi,boys.Howard：Howdy,ma'am.Mrs Cooper：Howdy to you too.You got here quick..Leonard：We took the red-eye.Mrs Cooper：Well,come on in.Howard：Thank you kindly.Mrs Cooper：Can .. Can I get you something to drink?Leonard：Uh,no,thank you.Howard：If you don't mind,I got a hankerin' for a Lone Star beer.Mrs Cooper：There's no alcohol in this household. Stop talking like that and lose the hat.Howard：Sorry,I'll take a diet Yoo-Hoo if you have it.Mrs Cooper：You'll take a Coke.What about you? Radge,isn't it?Oh,you still having trouble talking to the ladies?Because,you know,at our church,We have a woman who's an amazing healer.Mostly she does,uh,crutch and wheelchair people,But I bet she'd be willing to take a shot At whatever Third World demon is running around inside of you.Leonard：Uh,if you don't mind,Mrs. Cooper,There's a 3:05 nonstop back to Los AngeleAnd you have no idea how much I want to be on it.Mrs Cooper：A girl?Leonard：Uh,yes,ma'am.Mrs Cooper：Oh,good. I been praying for you.Oh,Sheldon.Sheldon：What are they doing here?Leonard：We came to apologize.Howard：Again.Leonard：And bring you homeSo,why don't you pack up your stuff and we'll head backSheldon：No,this is my home now.Thanks to you,my career is overAnd I will spend the rest of my life here in TexasTrying to teach evolution to creationists.Mrs Cooper：You watch your mouth,Shelly. Everyone's entitled to their opinion.Sheldon：Evolution isn't an opinion,it's fact.Mrs Cooper：And that is your opinion.Sheldon：I forgive you. Let's go home.Mrs Cooper：Don't tell me prey doesn't work.[Scene: In Penny’s bed.]Leonard：How about that.I finally caught a break.You know how they say when friends have sex,it can get weird?Penny：Sure.Leonard：Why does it have to get weird?Penny：I don't know.Leonard：I mean,we were friends,and now we're more than friends.We're whatever "this" is.But why label it,right?I mean,it is what it is and...Penny：Leonard?Leonard：Yeah?Penny：It's weird.Leonard：totally.。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E03 – The Gothowitz Deviation[Scene: The apartment kitchen. Penny is cooking breakfast while singing and dancing along to “Man I Feel Like A Woman” by Shenia Twain. Sheldon enters.]Penny: Morning, Sheldon. Come dance with me.Sheldon: No.Penny: Why not?Sheldon: Penny, while I subscribe to the many worlds theory which posits the existence of an infinite number of Sheldons in an infinite number of universes, I assure you that in none of them am I dancing.Penny: Are you fun in any of them?Sheldon:The math would suggest that in a few I’m a clown made of candy. But I don’t dance.Penny: All right, want some French toast?Sheldon:It’s Oatmeal Day.Penny: Tell you what, next French Toast Day, I will make you oatmeal.Sheldon: Dear Lord, are you still going to be here on French Toast Day?Leonard: Morning.Sheldon: Look, Leonard, Penny made French toast.Leonard:Sorry. I haven’t given her your schedule yet.Sheldon:It’s an iCal download, she can put it right in her phone. And I thought we agreed that you’d have your conjugal visits in her apartment.Leonard: We did, but there were extenuating circumstances.Sheldon: I see. Did her abysmal housekeeping skills finally trump her perkiness?Leonard: No, her bed kind of… br oke.Sheldon: That doesn’t seem likely. Her bed’s of sturdy construction. Even the addition of a second normal size human being wouldn’t cause a structural failure, much less a homunculus such as yourself.Penny: A homunculus?Leonard: Perfectly formed miniature human being.Penny:Oh, you’re my little homunculus.Leonard: Don’t do that.Penny: Sorry. Okay, who wants syrup and who wants cinnamon sugar?Sheldon: I want oatmeal.Penny: Yes, well, I want a boyfriend whose roommate isn’t a giant pain in the ass.Sheldon: I’m sure that will happen soon enough. But in the meantime, I still want oatmeal.Penny: You know what, I give up. He’s impossible.Sheldon: I can’t be impossible. I exist. I believe what you meant to say is, “I give up, he’s improbable.”Leonard: Sheldon, you really need to find a better way of dealing with Penny.Sheldon: What am I supposed to do, eat French toast on a Monday? Now, that would be impossible. Leonard: I’m just saying, you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.Sheldon: You can catch even more flies with manure. What’s your point?Leonard: It’s a… (gives up)Sheldon: Boy, that does smell good. Too bad it’s Monday.Credits sequence.[Scene: The apartment].Penny: Okay, so Kim the night manager went on maternity leave, and her husband’s name is Sandy, right? So get this, her replacement is a woman named Sandy whose husband’s name is Kim.Penny: I know. What are the odds?Sheldon: Easily calculable, we begin by identifying the set of married couples with unisex names. We then eliminate those unqualified for restaurant work, the aged, the imprisoned and the limbless, for example. Next we look at…Leonard:Sheldon! it’s an amazing coincidence, can we leave it at that?Sheldon: I’m sorry. Ooh, Penny, it’s as if the Cheesecake Factory is run by witches.Penny: Ooh, Sheldon, it’s as if you don’t think I’ll punch you.Leonard: Come on, you guys, let it go.Penny: Fine, whatever. Are you finished?Sheldon: Well, thank you. How thoughtful. Would you like a chocolatePenny: Um, yeah, sure, thanks.Leonard: What was that?Sheldon: You said be nice to Penny. I believe offering chocolate to someone falls within the definition of nice. Leonard: It does. But in my experience, you don’t.Sheldon: There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy. Leonard: Yeah, yeah, now that’s you, obnoxious and insufferable.Howard (arriving, in goth gear): What’s going on, day dwellers?Penny:Oh, man, did the Kiss Army repeal don’t ask, don’t tell?Howard: No. Raj and I are going a goth club in Hollywood to hang with the night people. Anybody want to come along?Penny: Oh, wow, you’re actually going out like that?Howard: No, no. I’m going out like this. (Whips off jacket to reveal tattoos up both arms)Leonard: Howard, what did you do?Howard: They’re called tattoo sleeves. Look. I bought them online, Raj got a set, too. Fantastic, right? Put them on, have hot sex with some freaky girl with her business pierced, take them off, and I can still be buried in a Jewish cemetery.Sheldon: You know, I’ve always wanted to go to a goth nighclub.Howard: Really?Sheldon: Bazinga! None of you ever see my practical jokes coming, do you?Howard: Okay, how a bout you two? Look, I’ve got some extra tat sleeves.Leonard: Why are you carrying extras?Howard: Well, In case I snag one on someone’s nipple ring.Penny: Uh, yeah, I think we’ll pass.Howard: Oh, is the missus speaking for the couple now?Leonard: In this case, you bet she is.Howard (after Raj whispers): Yes, she’s pushy and yes, he’s whipped, but that’s not the expression. Come on, I want to stop at Walgreens and pick up some more eyeliner.Leonard:They’re gonna get beaten up at that club.Penny: They’re gonna get beaten up at Walgreens. Oh, sorry, Sheldon, I almost sat in your spot. Sheldon: Did you? I didn’t notice. Have a chocolate.Penny: Thank you.[Scene: The goth club.]Raj:I think we’re fitting in quite nicely.Howard: It’d help if you weren’t drinking light beer.Raj: Oh, what’s so gothic about vodka and cranberry juice?Howard: Hello, it looks like blood. Did you even read the Wiki How link I sent you on being goth?Raj:No, I’m behind on my wiki-reading I’m kind of on a John Grisham k ick right now.Raj: Well, I finished reading The Pelican Brief and loved it so much, I dived right into The Client. He was a lawyer himself so his novels are accurate as well as entertaining.Howard: Just remember we are lost boys, children of the night.Raj: Great. Lost boys, children of the night. Got it. Can you pass the Chex mix, please. Thank you. We are lost boys.Girl: Good for you.Howard: I’m actually much morelost than he is.Girl: Nice ink.Howard: Thanks. Can we buy you ladies a drink?Girl: Two light beers.Raj: Light beers? Well, Wiki-how about that?Second girl:What’s your names?Howard:I’m Howard.Raj: Raj.Girl:I’m Bethany.Howard: Nice to meet you, Bethany.Raj: Yes, very nice.Bethany: Nice to meet you too.Second girl: I’m Sarah. Not that anyone cares.Raj: Do either of you ladies enjoy the novels of John Grisham?[Scene: The apartment. ]Penny: What’s this cartoon called again?Leonard: Oshikuru: Demon Samurai.Sheldon: And it’s not a cartoon, it’s anime.Penny: Anime. You know, I knew a girl in high school named Anna May. Anna May Fletcher. She was born with one nostril. Then she had this bad nose job and basically wound up with three.Sheldon: You’re here a lot now.Penny: Oh, am I talking too much? I’m sorry. Zip.Sheldon: Thank you. Chocolate?Penny: Yes please. (Her phone rings) Oh. Hey, Kim. Yeah, I… (sees Sheldon looking disapprovingly) You know what, hold on, let me take this in the hall. (Sheldon silently offers her another chocolate. She takes it.) You’ll never guess who they got to replace you at work…Leonard: Okay, I know what you’re doing.Sheldon: Really?Leonard: Yes, you’re using chocolates as positive reinforcement for what you consider correct behaviour. Sheldon: Very good. Chocolate?Leonard: No, I don’t want any chocolate! Sheldon, you can’t train my girlfriend like a lab rat.Sheldon: Actually, it turns out I can.Leonard: Well, you shouldn’t.Sheldon: There’s just no pleasing you, is there, Leonard? You weren’t happy with my previous approach to dealing with her, so I decided to employ operant conditioning techniques, building on the work of Thorndike and B.F. Skinner. By this time next week, I believe I can have her jumping out of a pool, balancing a beach ball on her nose.Leonard: No, this has to stop now.Sheldon: I’m not suggesting we really make her jump out of a pool. I thought the “bazinga” was implied. I’m just tweaking her personality, sanding off the rough edges if you will.Leonard: No, you’re not sanding Penny.make our lives better?Leonard:Yes, you’re forbidden.Sheldon (Squirting him with a water spray): Bad Leonard.[Scene: The goth club.]Bethany: So what do you guys do?Howard: Oh, you know, goth stuff. Goth magazines, goth music.Raj: Goth food.Sarah: What’s goth food?Raj: Uh… blackened salmon?Bethany: No, I meant what do you do for jobs?Raj: Oh, we’re scientists.Howard: Yeah, you know, the dark sciences.Bethany: What are the dark sciencesRaj: Well, I am an astrophysicist and a lot of that takes place at night. When there are vampires and miscellaneous undead out and about.Howard: Oy vay.Raj: That sounds really cool.Howard: Does it? Okay, if you like space stuff, I design components for the international space station. Which is in space. Where, as I’m sure you know, no one can hear you scream.Raj: So what do you gals do?Bethany: I work at the Gap.Howard: Really? How about that? I’ve been to the Gap.Raj: Yeah, I’ve been there as well. I like your tee-shirts with the little pocket.Sarah: I work there too. Not that anyone cares. You know, this place is boring.Bethany: Yeah. Why don’t we go somewhere else and have some fun?Howard: Okay.Raj: Sure, we like fun.Howard: We are fun people.Raj: Dark and fun.Bethany: Come on, I know a place you’ll really dig.Howard: Did you bring the black condoms?Raj: In my fanny pack.Howard: Let’s go.[Scene: A tattoo parlour. Bethany is getting a tattoo.]Raj: Are you happy now?Howard: Not particularly.[Scene: The apartment.]Penny(voice outside door): Oh’ my God, she didn’t!Leonard: What could she possibly be talking about for so long?Sheldon:Obviously, waitressing at the Cheesecake Factory is a complex socioeconomic activity, that requires a great deal of analysis and planning. Bazinga! You know, using positive reinforcement techniques, I could train that behaviour out of her in a week.Leonard: No.Sheldon: If you let me use negative reinforcement, I can get it done before we go to bed.Leonard: You’re not squirting her in the face with water.Leonard: Forget it.Sheldon: Oh, come on, you can’t tell me that you’re not intrigued about the possibility of building a better girlfriend.Leonard: I’m not. And Penny’s qualities, both good and bad, are what make her who she is.Sheldon: You mean, like that high-pitched, irritating laugh?Leonard: Yes.Sheldon:You wouldn’t prefer a throaty chuckle?Leonard: You’re not changing how Penny laughs.Sheldon: No, that would be incongruous, I was going to lower the whole voice to a more pleasing register. Penny(entering): Uh, sorry guys, that girl is (high pitched) freaky!Sheldon: Come again?Penny (normal voice): Freaky.Sheldon(lower voice): Freaky?Penny(lower voice): Yeah, freaky.Sheldon: Have a chocolate.Penny: Thank you.[Scene: The tattoo parlour. Howard is laying down, preparing to have a tattoo on his lower back]. Raj: Are you seriously going to deface your body just for the possibility you could have cheap sex with a strange girl you met in a bar?Howard: Uh, yeah!Raj: What is your mother going to say?Howard: She’s not going to see it. She takes my temperature orally now.Bethany: What are you going to get, Howard?Howard: Well, I can’t really decide between a screaming devil, this mean little skull or Kermit the Frog. Bethany: Kermit the Frog?Howard: You know (Kermit voice) Hi ho, I’m on Howard’s butt!Bethany: Get the mean little skull, and I’ll see if I can make him smile.Howard: Yeah, I’d like the mean little skull, please.Sarah: What are you going to get, Raj?Raj: With my luck, hepatitisTattooist: Okay, here we go.Howard: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!Tattooist:That’s just rubbing alcohol.Howard: I know, but it was cold. Ow, ow, ow!Tattooist: I’m putting on the stencil.Howard: What comes after the stencil?Tattooist: This.Howard: Aaaaaargh! Okay, that’s it, no needle, no pain, no tattoo.Bethany:What’s the big deal, you’ve done this before.Howard: No, I haven’t, look. (Rips off tattoo sleeves)I’m sorry, I’m a fraud, he’s a fraud.Raj: We’re both frauds.Howard: Yeah, I think I covered that.Raj: But I was summing up.Howard: We’re not goth, we’re just guys.Raj: Very, very smart guys.Bethany: So you were totally scamming us?Howard: Yes. And I wouldn’t blame you if you walked out of here and never wanted to see us again. UnlessBethany: I’m leaving.Sarah:I’m leaving too. Not that anyone cares.Raj: When we tell this story, let’s end it differently.Howard: What are you thinking? Maybe a big musical number?[Scene: The apartment.]Sheldon: Well, I’m going to make some warm milk and then turn in. I trust if you two are planning in engaging in amorous activites, you’ll keep the decibel level to a minimum.Penny: Of course.Sheldon: Thank you. (Throws a chocolate. Penny catches it in her mouth)Penny: Mmm, these are so goodLeonard: Unbelievable.Penny: What?Leonard: I was just thinking, we should probably turn in too.Penny: well, my new bed got delivered, if you come over and put it together, you can stay at my place. Leonard:Really, that’s a lot of work, and it’s kind of late.Penny: Yeah, but if we stay there, we won’t have to be quiet.Leonard: Let’s go.Sheldon: Interesting. Sex works even better than chocolate to modify behaviour. I wonder if anyone else has stumbled on to that.[Scene: Raj’s car.]Howard: Okay, wait, how about this? We say there were four goth girls, the two girls in the club had two friends.Raj: I like it, I like it. Did they smell good despite their gothlike nature?Howard: What’s that got to do with the story?Raj: Engaging my olfactory sense helps make it real for me.Howard: Fine, they smelled good.Raj: Oh, they did. Like jasmine and honeysuckle.Howard: Whatever.Raj: And then they held hands and did a sexy, demonic hokey-pokey for us.Howard: No, no. Look, let me say my story all the way through, and then you can say yours, and then we’ll pick.Raj: I’m sorry. Go on.Howard: Okay. We got tattoos, and then the four girls took us to their place.Raj: But we don’t have tattoos. What if someone asks to see our tattoos?Howard: We say they’re in a very intimate area.Raj:Oh, we are bad boys, aren’t we?Howard: Right, right, so we go back to their place, and then the six of us end up in a hot tub.Raj: But we just got tattoos. Wouldn’t we be concerned about bacterial infection?Howard: True. Okay, forget the hot tub. The point is, we each have a ménage with sexy goth girls.Raj: Wow. What a great night.Howard: Yeah. Hey, want to try a country bar tomorrow night.Raj: Yeah, maybe we’ll get lucky with some sexy cowgirls.Howard: Could happen.Raj: I wonder how they smell.。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E17 – The Precious FragmentationScene: The stairwell. Leonard is carrying a large box.Leonard: Why do I always have to carry the heavy stuff?Sheldon: Well, it‟s very simple. In our ragtag band of scientists with nothing to lose, I‟m the smart one, Wolowitz is the funny one, and Koothrappali is the lovable foreigner who struggles to understand our ways and fails. That leaves you, by default, as the muscle.Leonard: One more floor, and I‟d be the pulled muscle.Penny (who is inside the apartment): Oh, it‟s about time, I‟m starving.Leonard:Uh, well, we didn‟t actually get Chinese food.Penny: Why not?Leonard:Don‟t panic, this is better.Penny:Oh, no, you didn‟t trade the food for magic beans, did you?Sheldon: Of course not. And, technically, magic beans would be food, although eating them would be quite a waste, since you could plant them and overnight have a giant beanstalk, which would provide enough roughage for a small city.Penny: Yeah, sometimes I don‟t listen, some times I just watch your jaw go up and down.Leonard: We were on our way to the Chinese restaurant when we thought we saw Adam West, so we followed him.Penny: Who‟s Adam West?Sheldon: Who‟s Adam West? Leonard, what do the two of you talk about after the c oitus?Howard:My guess is, “Hey, four minutes! New record!” That‟s why I‟m the funny one.Leonard: Anyway, we followed the guy to this garage sale, and they had the coolest stuff.Howard: They were closing up. We got this whole box for sixty bucks.Leonard:We didn‟t even get to go through it all. There could be anything in here.Penny: There a new girlfriend in there? …Cause you might need one.Leonard: No. But there is an original final draft Ghostbusters script with actual slime stains! (Raj whispers to Leonard) Oh, you‟re right, it‟s Ghostbusters 2. Never mind.Howard: Oh, my God. An Alf doll. When I was 11 my mother got me one to help me sleep after my dad left. I used to pretend that my dad had moved to the planet Melmac, and Alf was going to bring him back to me. But he never did. Where‟s my daddy, puppet? Where is he?Penny: That is so sad.Sheldon:No, what‟s sad is that you don‟t know Adam West was TV‟s Batman.Credits sequenceScene: The sameLeonard:Here‟s Spock‟s head with no body. Here‟s Mr. T‟s body with no head. Oh, yeah, here‟s Spock‟s body with Mr. T‟s head. I pity the fool who‟s illogical.Penny:Okay, I‟m just gonna go home and make a grilled cheese and window-shop on eHarmony.Leonard: Okay, bye.Penny: Okay.Leonard: Ooh, look, an Indiana Jones connect-the-dots.Raj: And an Aquaman action figure.Howard: Looks like someone drew a penis on him.Raj: H uh? That‟ll come off.Howard:You see what you‟re doing? Stop that.Sheldon: Fascinating.Leonard: What?Sheldon: It appears to be a Lord of the Rings ring.Leonard: Oh.Raj: It‟s even got the Elvish engraving on it.Sheldon: I t‟s not Elvish. It‟s the language of Mordor written in Elvish script. One Ring torule them all.Raj: One Ring to find them.Howard: One Ring to bring them all.Leonard: And in the darkness bind them.Raj: Holy crap, are we nerdy.Scene: The Cheesecake FactoryHoward: So, I was doing some checking on the ring.Raj: Hold on. Sheldon, is there ketchup on that table?Sheldon: Yes, there is. Oh, here‟s a fun fact, ketchup s tarted out as a general term for sauce, typically made of, uh, mushrooms or fish brine with herbs and spices. Some popular early main ingredients included blueberry, anchovy, oyster, kidney bean and grape.Raj: No, that‟s okay. I‟ll get it.Howard: Listen, I was looking at the ring, and it seemed a little weird. No copyright notice on it. So, I took it down to this buddy of mine who deals with, shall we say, the seedy underbelly of the collectibles world.Leonard: Seedy underbelly?Howard: You know, your black market phasers, your screen-worn Lieutenant Uhura panties, that kind of stuff. Raj:Who‟s this mysterious buddy you suddenly have?Howard: Just a guy. I know a guy.Raj: Is it Eddie Crispo?Howard: No, I can‟t tell you who it is. Stop asking.Raj: Who else could it be? It has to be Eddie Crispo.Howard: I know lots of dangerous people, okay?Raj: Name one.Howard: Eddie Crispo. Anyway, he said this isn‟t a replica. It‟s the real deal.Sheldon: If you‟re suggesting that that is the actual ring of power f orged by Sauron in Mount Doom, I look at you with an expression of exhaustion and ever so slight amusement.Leonard:He‟s not saying it‟s a magic ring. You‟re not, are you?Howard: No, but it‟s close. Look at the markings inside. Those are production marki ngs. Nine rings were made for use in the Lord of the Rings movies. Three were given to members of the cast. The rest were destroyed. Except one. One was stolen. Gentlemen, this is the one ring.Sheldon (snatching it): Mine!Leonard: No, it is not yours. We all went in on the box together.Sheldon: Well, yes, but I found it in the box, and the laws of maritime salvage clearly state that the finder of asunken treasure is the owner of the treasure.Leonard: How is this maritime salvage?Sheldon: Other than the lack of water, how is it not?Raj: Wait, wait. Sheldon, stop being crazy for a second. How much is something like this worth?Howard: Well, it‟s tough to say since it‟s hot, but on the underground market, my guy figures…Raj: Your guy Eddie Crispo?Howard: Yes. He figures ten, maybe 15 thousand.Raj: Okay, that‟s a lot of money. The wise thing to do is invest it in something practical. Like a jet ski.Howard: Why do you want a jet ski?Raj: All the wealthy and beautiful people in movies ride Jet Skis. Tha t can‟t just be a coincidence.Sheldon: We can‟t sell it. We have to keep it and love it and polish it, and only take it out occasionally when we go to the park and re-enact our favourite scenes from the movies.Howard: It‟s sad how great that sounds.Leonard: Guys, it‟s stolen. It should go back to Peter Jackson. He made the movies, it belongs to him.Howard: Fine. He can have it back as long as he promises to make me a hobbit in his next movie.Raj: There are no Jewish hobbits.Howard: Clearly, you‟ve nev er been to my house for dinner on Rosh Hashanah.Leonard: We are not blackmailing Peter J… All right, where‟s the ring?Sheldon: You mean my ring?Leonard: What are you doing?Sheldon: The ring was unguarded, it was just sitting on the table, anyone could have taken it. Proof? I did. Leonard: Give me that.Raj:Look, let‟s be reasonable. We all want to do different things with the ring, but your ideas are stupid, and I want a jet ski.Sheldon: I found it. The ring is mine. I don‟t understand why in this gro up I never get my way.Leonard: You always get your way.Sheldon: I‟ll stipulate to that if you give me the ring.Penny: Hey, guys. Enjoying your food that I actually brought you instead of promising food, but bringing you a box of random crap?Leonard: Ye ah, it‟s delicious, the sarcasm‟s a little stale, though. Hey, how about this? Until we figure out what to do with the ring, Penny holds on to it.Penny: What ring?Leonard: This ring.Sheldon: Looking for something?Leonard: Will you hold on to this for a couple of days?Penny: Why?Leonard: It‟s a prop from a movie, and we‟re kind of fighting over it.Penny: Okay, just to be clear, the first piece of jewellery my boyfriend gives me is a prop from a movie, and I don‟t even get to keep it?Howard: I f you ha d gone out with me three years ago, by now, you‟d have my great Aunt Ida‟s brooch that she smuggled out of occupied Belgium in a cat.Leonard: How am I looking now?Scene: Penny and Leonard are asleep in Leonard’s bed. Sheldon creeps in and tries to take the ring fromround Penny’s neck, but she turns over. He tries to make buzzing fly noises to get her to turn back, but she turns all the way the other way. He then uses an extender with a claw on the end to lif the ring from Penny’s chest. As he tries to remove it, she wakes up, screams, and punches him in the face.Sheldon:Ow! You hit me! I‟m bleeding!Leonard: What was that?Penny: Sheldon tried to take the ring and I punched him.Leonard: That‟s my girl.Scene: The cafeteria.Howard:So, Sheldon, how‟s it feel to get beaten up by a girl?Sheldon: It‟s not the first time. I have a twin sister whose assaults began in utero. If only I‟d had the presence of mind to reabsorb her, then I‟d have a mole with hair in it instead of a tedious yearly Christmas let ter.Raj: Gentlemen, have you come to the realization that the only reasonable course of action is to sell the ring and divide the money?Leonard: No.Raj: I was afraid of that. (Opens his laptop to reveal an Indian looking man on a webcam.) Go ahead.Man on Screen: Greetings from Mumbai. I am Raj‟s attorney, Venkatesh Koothrappali.Raj: Also my cousin.Howard: You brought a lawyer?Venkatesh: Don‟t answer that. I‟ll get straight to the point. My client‟s prepared to surrender any interest he has in the ring in exchange for two Kawasaki Jet Skis.Leonard: We‟re not giving him two Jet Skis.Venkatesh: Look, we‟re big boys, why don‟t we just cut to the chase and meet in the middle? One Kawasaki Jet Ski, done and done.Leonard: No Jet Skis.Venkatesh: All right, forget the Jet Skis.Raj: Forget the Jet Skis? That was our line in the sand! What happened to “tear them a new one?”Venkatesh: What can I say? They played hardball. We lost.Raj: You‟re useless.Venkatesh: I told you that when you hired me.Raj:I‟m si gning off now.Venkatesh: Call your mother, she worries.Howard: Okay, just so you know, if we‟re bringing in cousins who are lawyers, prepare for shock and awe. Leonard: You know what? I am ending this. Penny didn‟t want to hold the ring anymore. She gave it to me, I have it. I‟m sending it back. Where‟s the ring?Sheldon: You mean this ring? Next time be aware of your surroundings while urinating in a public men‟s room. Leonard: Give me that.Sheldon: No, it‟s mine.Raj: It‟s all of ours. (They begin to struggle over the ring.)Leonard: Okay, now, this is ridiculous!Howard: Then let go!Leonard:I‟m not letting go, you let go.Howard: I say this ring belongs to the last person who can hold on.Leonard: Fine. But can‟t we go home and start this?Raj: Sure. Let go of the ring.Leonard: All right, it starts now.Howard: You do realize there‟s a giant bug movie marathon tonight on the Syfy Channel. (They start to move away from the table while all still holding the ring.)Raj: Wait, my laptop. (They go back for it.)Scene: The stairwell. The guys are coming up the stairs, all still holding the ring.Howard:You know, there‟s a point when this becomes idiotic.Leonard:And it wasn‟t when we were driving like this?Sheldon:I would advise the three of you that resistance is futile. I have endless patience. I once spent two-and-a-half hours on hold with Hewlett-Packard customer service just to complain about their customer service. Leonard: You want to talk about endless patience? Penny made me watch all five seasons of Sex and the City. Raj: There are six seasons, dude.Leonard: Oh, crap!Raj: No, no, no, the sixth season is great. We go to Paris with Carrie and get our heart broken, and then Mr. Big shows up, we don‟t know if we can trust him again. It‟s a wild r ide.Leonard: Door. (Leonard tries to unlock the door and drops the keys.)Raj: Okay, everybody, and plie. And relevae.Penny:Whatcha doin‟?Leonard: Last one holding the ring decides its fate. I know, it sounds silly.Penny: No, no, no, no, no, no, you are my boyfriend. Nothing you do is silly to me.Leonard: Thank you.Penny:FYI, this is a bag from Victoria‟s Secret.Leonard: I‟m out.Scene: The apartment. The three guys are still holding the ring. Howard is on the phone.Howard: I‟m sorry, Ma, I have to stay late at the office.Raj: No, he‟s doesn‟t! He‟s lying to you!Howard: Will you be quiet?Raj:Well, if you want privacy let go of the ring. I‟m so glad we came to this gentile strip club! Howard, here‟s more bacon to tuck into the shiksa‟s G-string!Howard:I‟ll call you back.Raj: I think it‟s lovely you call your mommy and let her know you‟re going to be late for dinner. From what I know about these things, if a woman doesn‟t breast-feed on time, it‟s very uncomfortable for her boobies.Howard: D on‟t you talk about my mother‟s boobies!Raj: I f you‟re offended, let go of the ring and go on home to your mother‟s boobies.Sheldon:Excellent, excellent. Tire each other out, the ring will be mine. Howard, why don‟t you go after Raj‟s mother?Raj: Why d on‟t we go after your mother?Sheldon:Go ahead. I have no illusions about my mother. She is a kind, loving, religiously fanatical right-wing Texan with a slightly out-of-scale head and a mild Dr. Pepper addiction. Anything you‟d like to add?Howard: That‟s not gonna Better pull out the big gun.Raj: You‟re right. Let‟s talk about your grandmother.Sheldon: No! I call no Meemaws.Raj: Think about this. The only way your mother was born was your Meemaw had sex.Sheldon: I don‟t want to hear this.Howard: Then let go of the ring and walk away.Sheldon: Never.Howard:All right. I‟ll bet your Meemaw didn‟t just have sex to have your mother. I bet she had sex because she liked it.Sheldon: Stop it!Raj: Yeah, Meemaw did the nasty.Sheldon: I said stop it!Howard: We‟re getting to him.Sheldon: Waterfalls!Raj: What?Sheldon: Waterfalls. Crashing waves. Babbling brooks.Howard: What are you doing?Sheldon:Subliminal messaging. I‟m going to make you want to pee. Dripping faucets. Leaky gutter. Peeing.Raj: It‟s, it‟s not working, dude.Sheldon: Oh-ho-ho, it‟s working all right. I have to pee.Raj: T hen let go of the ring and go.Howard: No, actually, I wouldn‟t mind going, too.Raj: Fine. Um, on the count of three. One, two…Sheldon: Wait, just to clarify. When you get to three, do we stand up or do we pee?Howard: We stand up.Sheldon: Excellent choice.Raj: Three.Howard: Something tells me this was a bad day to wear suede shoes.Scene: Sometime later. The guys are on the settee. Howard is seen asleep, he is not holding the ring. The camera pans along to where Sheldon and Raj still hold the ring. Raj, also asleep, lets go and cuddles up to Howard.Sheldon: I‟ve done it! I‟ve won! The ring is mine! It‟s mine! (He runs to the bathroom) We‟re going to clean it up an d make it pretty. My own. My love. My precious. (He looks in the mirror and has turned into golem. He screams and wakes up, still on the settee.) Where‟s the ring?Leonard:It‟s in a FedEx box on its way back to where it came from.Raj: T he fires of Mount Doom?Leonard: Peter Jackson‟s office in New Zealand. It wasn‟t ours.Howard: You quit the game! You had no right to take it.Leonard: I came in here, you guys were all sleeping. The ring was on the floor. No one was touching it.Raj: Well, so then we star t the game over until there‟s a winner.Leonard: There wasn‟t ever going to be a winner. There was going to be a selfish, petty person with a ring and three people who used to be his friend. Is that really what you guys want? …Cause if it is, fine, I don‟t want anything to do with you. And I don‟t know what happened in that bathroom, but I am not cleaning it up! (Goes to his bedroom. Takes a box from under his bed. Takes out the ring.) My precious.Scene: Leonard and Penny are asleep in Leonard’s bed. The extender and claw reaches across and pullsdown the sheet revealing the ring on a chain round Leonard’s neck.Sheldon: I knew it. Give us the precious!Leonard: NEVER!(They begin to struggle, both shouting “give it”, “give it to me” and “it’s mine” at var ious intervals. Penny gets out of the bed and heads out the door.)Penny: U gh, gotta go back to dating dumb guys from the gym.。