Fresh meat 第四集的部分对话
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First time. Er, I don’t remember much. I know his name was Onion and I got him to do it again,
cos first time, I was like, “Nah, mate, seriously! I want my money back.
OK, er…. Full moon party, Thailand. Er, it was literally so random. Um… amazing. I don’t
remember his name.
I thought you said his name was Lars and he’s your Facebook friend and he sends you a virtual
chicken week on Farmville.
I’ve nailed a lot of guys. I’ve been sent a lot of chickens. I don’t keep a book, sweetheart.
I can’t confirm that – technically speaking – I’m not a virgin
Come on. What’s the story?
I’ve got my own methods. We can get into it if you insist, I may need some graph paper and a
medical encyclopedia
Yeah. Why don’t we come back to that another night?
So, um, I was on holiday, as you do. And there was this… babe on the caravan site. She was a
friend of my family and, um, she sort of ran the site. Er, one night, in her luxury caravan, it just
happened.
She ran the site? How old were you?
Just the normal age. 12
How old was she?
Old enough! Not 50, maybe 35
What?! It was like a Mrs Robinson thing.
Mrs Robinson the paedo!
And…. How was it for you?
It was good. Yeah. Not my best ever. But… a good, basic… sex. She showed me the ropes.
Position. Techniques. Yeah. Stored all the info away, like a sex squirrel. Anyway.
Well, um, there’s nothing unusual about popping your cherry with a family friend. I actually
dislodged my V-plated on my birthday, when my Uncle Paule took me to Southampton.
Yeah, I don’t think we should play this game any more.
Right, there’s nothing bad about it.
I don’t think I want to hear this.
He bought me a hooker for my 18th.
What?
She wasn’t a munter! She was dockside fine.
We’re out of beer. Grisly details down the pun? Who’s with me?
Guys?
Where’ve you been? I’ve got to be home by ten. Gina’ll be back from Zumba.
You look amazing! So, would it be very tacky, or very sexy, to do it on the desk? Tacky or sexy?
I think it’ll hold.
I thought we were going to go for tapas.
Oh, absolutely we’re going for tapas. I want you to tell me what you thought of Bonnie versus
Germaine. The two Greers war on Newsnight Review.
Well, you know that I think that Bonnie is obviously King Greer.
Brilliant.
The thing is, we’re on a tight schedule. And I don’t think they’ll let us do it at the tapas place. Not
after last time.
What about the car?
What, like…dogging?
Do you like that?
No
How about the floor?
It’s good thought, but it’s kind of… burny, industrial carpet. Did someone follow you?
I’m sorry for making you stay late, you recent work has been showing sings of what I would
call… hegemonic historicism.
Yeah.
So, it’s very important that…
That was close Still, exciting, huh?
Yeah, pretty exciting.
I’m bored.
I’m the chairman of the bored.
I’m a lengthy monologue.
I’m living like a dog.
