摩登家庭 -第3季第13集-字幕-对白-中英文对照-看美剧学英语-打印-word版

Haley, hurry up!You don't have much time, and I made chocolate chip pancakes. Mom, I'm not 12.Dibs on hers.Honey, you excited about your first day?You know what? I really am.There's something about going to workthat makes you feel like you're...I don't know, worth something.No offense, mom.Listen... I wanna give you some advice.Do it fast. She's gonna be late.Work hard.Keep your eye on the ball.Stay focused.Never... check it out!Cam in overalls!Mitchell sent me the same text!Why "Look what you've done"?Oh, because Cam is helping me outwith that baseball field,and Mitchell hates it when he gets all farmed up.His turn-offs are farm, Fizbo,And, worst of all, farmbo.Howdy, life pardner!Well, I gotta go. Don't wanna be late for my first--Oh, my god! Why didn't you guys tell me the time?!So what do you think? Can we turn this into a baseball field? Oh, yeah. No problem.You know, back on the farm,I once turned an acre of corn into a snowflake-shaped maze. It'd still be there if our neighbor Billy Bob Sheinberghadn't seen it from his crop dusterand said it looked like a swastika.So how good's Luke's team anyway?Well, you may have seen them on youtubeunder "Boy stuck in batting helmet"or "Pitcher beans self."But a few of them went through puberty early this year, so... They say it's because of hormones in our milk.But whatever it is, they really jacked up.Luke and Manny's team tied for the final spot in the playoffs, but since nobody was expecting it,all the fields were booked.The other team wanted to settle with a coin flip.We said "Rock paper scissors." That's when talks broke down. So what do you do when you can't find a field?You build one.And we got the last laugh,'cause guess what I found there?Rocks, paper, and scissors.- I see home plate up here. - Mm-hmm.I see pitcher's mound in here,And I see little boys' dreams coming true everywhere.I found a dead snake!It's perfect.Not dead! Not dead!I'm gonna be mother of the year.I'm gonna be mother of the year.And this is our dining room, where we eat.And this is our kitchen, where we also eat.Who are you talking to?It looks like you lost your tour.Or your mind.The baby.Shorty's girlfriend Darlene send it to me.She said it's for prenatal bonding.I love it. We took a tour of the house.We took a look at all my shoes.Come on, Jay. Say something to the baby.Darlene's an idiot.Oh, yeah, beautiful.Your first words to our baby--"Darlene is an idiot."This is stupid. The baby's only 2 inches away.He doesn't need speakers blasting at him.Like in restaurants nowadayswhere you can't even hear yourself think.Ah, you're gonna do whatever you want. Why do I bother? Get used to that. Sometimes you just gotta let him go. Then he eats some sherbet and falls asleep.Okay, I'll chalk the field with this bad boy.And while you're doing that, I will get the bases.We make such a good team.Why does your friend have a chalker?Oh, he used it to propose to a skywriter.Oh, ma'am? Ma'am, do you need help with that?Oh, ma'am? Ma'am, do you need help with that?Oh, yes. Please.Is this your house?I'm moving in with my son.He's rich.Phone by the toilet rich.All right, so have you lived here a long time?I moved here in '62 to be an actress.I had one line in a "Rockford files.""He went out the back.,"Who went out the back?That was you.Well, you're all set here.You're not interested in the place, are you?- Oh, no, thank you. - Yes--yes, we are.Yes. Yes, we are.- Come on. - Okay.You gotta keep your eyes open.It's not natural when a ball is hurtling at your face.Will you choke up a little?Probably when they play the national anthem.No, move your hands up the bat."When they play the national anthem."I had a perfect record--22 games, and I hadn't played a single inning.Then the Mccoy twins' grandma dies,and suddenly I'm starting at right field.What does that even mean? Is it the same as stage right? All right, ready? Nice and easy.I haven't even thrown it yet.Then it's your fault. I'm doing my part.Forget it. We need to do something different.Let's change your stance.Try leaning in.Further.Now close your eyes.Ah! Perfect! You think you can do that every time? What, get hit on purpose?If you wanna get on base and be a hero.Some men are born into greatness.Others have it chucked at their face.Yes!Okay, Mrs. Brooks, thank you very much.We'll be in touch very soon.Say it one more time.He went out the back.- Oh, love it! Love it! - Brava! Brava!Bye-bye!What do you think, Phil?Well, I have to admit, it's a steal.Yes! Yes! I told you!And you said Gil Thorpe makes a killing flipping houses. Yeah, he brags about it all the time.Every time he makes a sale,he calls himself "Flipper"he calls himself "Flipper"And walks around making this dolphin sound. Like...How does he do it? I hate him so much.Okay, look, if the four of us go in on this together,We can minimize the risk.Or if none of us do it,we can eliminate the risk altogetherbecause none of you know anything about flipping houses. Okay, well, we already have it figured out.I'm gonna be the designer...Because I know about colors and shapes.Yeah, so does Lily.I'm gonna be the contractor.And I'm gonna be the astronaut. Oh, this is fun. Phil, you go.Mitchell, I am serious.I have overseen lots of projects in our home.I oversaw the remodel of our bathroom.Under budget. Right, Phil?Yeah. I was a little disappointed we didn't go forthe butt-washing toilet, but otherwise...You can wash your own butt for free.Well, that's not the same, is it?This is all fun to talk about.It is, but I don't think that you understandwhat--what this could really entail. And--Okay, there it is. Mitchell just said "No," So we're done. Surprise, surprise.Listen, we'll talk about this at home, okay?Don't give up.Phil, you think it's a good idea, right?Totally.Yes. And you know we can handle it, right?I think you guys can handle anything.And you go talk to him. You're a professional.He respects you.Okay. Give us some space. I'll go talk him into it.- All right. - All right?- Okay. - Okay.Listen...there's no way we're letting them do this.I know, right?They are not equipped to take this on.We might as well flush all our savingsdown my boring old toilet.Oh, you are really bitter about that.It's the one thing I asked for. Don't sit on your sunglasses. Sorry, guys.Whoops. Just to be clear, though.Under no circumstances are we letting them do this?I am totally with you.Okay, you stay here. I'll go break the bad news.Sorry, guys. Not gonna happen.- Yeah, well, maybe if-- - I would drop it.It's not worth the fight. Come on, Claire.The faster we leave, the less it's gonna hurt.Hop in. Yep.Why does it have to be like this?I don't know. He's your brother. Buckled up? Good.No! No! No, no, I see what you're doing!He doesn't want this either!- Little radio? - Sure.Phil! Claire!Come on!It's such a shamebecause I know we would do a great job on that house. - Totally. - If Gil Thorpe can do it, I can do it, right?Please. Gil Thorpe has decades of experienceand infallible instincts.As much as we'd all like to believe otherwise,I did not marry Gil Thorpe.Can you imagine that?God, we'd sell a lot of houses.Oh! Great.- Mitchell. - Oh, you know what, Claire?You gotta cool down or you're just gonna make this worse. Why don't you go get the coffees?And I'll deal with him.Well, okay, what are you gonna say to him?I'm just gonna talk to him man-to-man.Right.Okay.Hello?Claire, Phil doesn't want the house either, all right?He's letting me take the fall. He's a liar.And a clever one.Ugh! How long do you think you can keep this from her? All right? I'm gonna talk to her eventually.Well, as long as we're swapping stories,Maybe I'll tell CamWhat happened to the sweater he knit for you.What happened to the sweater he knit for you.I can't! I can't!I can't do it! I can't take this stupid thing anymore!It was stolen out of the car. Do you understand me? Got it.That is low.I know. Don't be mad at me.That said, I suggest you lose this number.I'm not proud of what I did,but I'm not comfortable squashing people's dreams.I am a cheerleader.I'm the guy on top of the pyramid shouting,"Go, dreams, go!"You know what's not a cheer?"Two, four, six, eight,you are going to fail at thisand lose everything we've worked for, Claire!*Hush, little baby,*don't say a word.*Papa's going to buy you a mockingbird.*And if that mockingbird won't sing,*papa's gonna buy you a diamond ring.Papa'd buy ten diamond ringsto get that mockingbird to shut the hell up.But I wasn't gonna tell Gloria she was a terrible singer. That's just taking a bath with a toaster.Still, the thought ofthat poor little thing stuck in there like a hostage, listening to that racket days on end...I just couldn't take it.*And if that billy goat won't push,*papa's gonna get every le--I'll tell you what papa's gonna do.He's gonna take a turn on that mic.- Oh! Really? - Yeah, I've been thinking,if it's a chance to bond, I should take it.Ay, Jay, that's great.I think that the sound of my voiceshouldn't be the only thing that the baby should hear. Same page.Breaker, breaker, big Jay.Baby, what's your 20? Over.Ay, that's so cute.You sound like Smokey and the Bandito.Go on. Go on.Hi, kid. This is your dad Jay Pritchett.Uh, we're all pretty excited to meet you.Just a heads-up--I might be a few years older than you're expecting. But on the plus side, we're very comfortable.What's that? Nothin'?Tough womb.What are you doing in there? You sleepin'?*Are you sleeping?- Ah! Ah! Ah! - *Are you--Ah! Still daddy's turn.Dumb--dumb rock!- Are you cryin'? - No.No. I just can't get this rock to budge.No. I just can't get this rock to budge.Okay, what did we learn from "A League of Their Own"?No crying in baseball.No. That Madonna's a lousy actress,and so are you.What's really going on?Okay.You know, over the last couple of months,I've applied for, like, five different jobs.- I didn't know that. - No. I didn't tell anyone,Because I didn't get them, Cam.I went to college, you know?And... I just wanna be able to contribute to my kids' education. And I wanna be able to buy my husband a present...with my own money.with my own money.Hey, you're preaching to the choir director.It's actually why I became a choir director.You became a part-time teacher in a public school for money?I make more than you do.I mean, before parking. But...Look, I'm sorry Mitchell killed our house dream.You know, now especially that I know you wanted to use the money for such noble reasons.Yeah.And also...there was this pair of boots.There's always a pair of boots.Mitchell, do you know what I've realized?That some thoughts are better left unexpressed?No. That in this relationship,I'm the gas pedal, and you're the brakes.Okay, wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.Last week, you said thatyou were the painting and I was the frame.That's if we were artwork.This is if we were a car.I know what part you'd be if we were a horse.- Excuse me? - Hmm?Claire and I bring you this great opportunity,And you stop it cold.I guess that's what brakes do.You know what brakes also do?They keep you from driving off cliffs.Maybe they're not cliffs. Maybe they're ramps,ready to launch us into new, exciting vistas.I am not the only one against this whole house thing. Phil doesn't want it either.You keep saying that,but I find that very, very hard to believe.Phil supports Claire.Phil is a cheerleader.Why can't you be more like phil?And then it hit me.I could be exactly like Phil.I could pretend to be on board,forcing the cheerleader to be the bad guy.I know it's underhanded,but that's the way I throw.- Mitchell? - You--you know what?You've convinced me.If--if you and Claire and especially Philare into this, then I'm on board.- What? Seriously?! - Yes! 100%.In fact, why don't you call Claire and Philright now and tell them?Okay. It was the ramp thing, wasn't it?You know, I felt really good about it.What?Are you serious? That's fantastic!Oh! I gotta tell Phil. I'll call you right back.What's--what's up?Mitchell changed his mind.He's all for it. We're flipping a house!- Yeah. - Yeah!Well, hello, Phil.To what do I owe this pleasure?Cut the crap.Cut the crap.You wanna play chicken? Chicken's my middle name.I don't know what you're talking about.I'm just being supportive of my partner and my sister, both of whom I love very much.How do you sleep at night?Soundly, knowing you'll do the right thing.So how about it, Phil?You gonna stop this train? 'cause these brakes are out. Oh. And I suggest you lose this number.Mitchell?Mitchell?!Yeah, I was pretty ticked offthat Mitchell double-crossed my double-cross.And then he stopped taking my calls,And so I sent him the following carefully worded text... "U suck."I could tell Phil felt pretty hurtand betrayed, so I responded."How r u gonna cheerlead your way out of this one, buffy?" "We both know this house thing is a disaster.""Then say something, or I will.I don't care if you tell Cam...""I threw out that hideous sweater?!"I spent months knitting that hideous sweater.- Yeah. - W--how are we seeing this?They're using the group text from yesterday.They have no idea these are even coming to me.Okay.Oh. Here's another one."We need to shut this house thing downWithout them knowing it's us"?!Oh! Well..."2 late."No, that--that's bad.Claire, I am so sorry.I know I should've been more honest with you, but I-- No, Phil.You know what really kills me?Is you didn't believe in me, and you believe in everything! You know, I knew that sweater wasn't stolen.And here I pick blue yarn to match your eyes,but I should've picked black to match your heart. Although you look amazing in black. Damn you.Come on."...Leaving 17 dead and thousands without power." Ay, Jay, please!It's bad that the baby listens to such terrible things.He's heard worse.Jay, do you know a good 1-hour dry cleaner?And I don't mean the "Must be in by 10:00,only on weekdays, you need a coupon" Kind.I mean a hard 1-hour.This conversation feels like a hard one hour.And what do you need it cleaned for? It's spotless. There's mustard here from Reuben's reuben.There's mustard here from Reuben's reuben.That's what happens whenyou put a narcissist in charge of snack day.Okay, it's my turn again.Baby, it's your mother again.- I'm-- - Gloria?Why don't we give him a break?He probably needs a minutebecause he just learned about a deadly tornado. Okay, stop calling him a he.What if he's a she, and you're making her upset?I told you. That's just the shorthand I'm using.- Don't jump down my throat every time I'm - Ay, yes, - because you always - What are you doing?Do you really want your unborn babyto hear you fighting like this?Studies show it's unhealthyFor a fetus to be exposed to a stressful environment. Studies? You're 13. Read a comic book.What time does your game start?I have to be there at 3:00 for hitting practice.Batting practice.Not for me.Jay, I don't want our baby to thinkthat it's coming into an unhappy home.Let's promise that we're never ever going to fight in front of him. No fighting in front of the baby.Okay, good.*Twinkle, twinkle*Little lambGloria, stop it! Stop it. No more singing.Why?Because you stink.You're a terrible singer.Come on. Let's get some lunch.How dare do you say that I am...I know! Ay, no, no, no.No fighting in front of the baby. We just made a deal.Yeah, but that's not fairbecause I am always in front of the baby!Gloria, you're as close to perfect as woman gets.Nothing wrong with one tiny, little flaw.Yours is when you start to sing,is sounds like something got stuck in the vacuum cleaner. That's--you're just--No, no, no.That is just your stupid, stupid opinion, Jay.But I am very angry at you,and I am gonna make a listof all the things that I am going to scream at youas soon as this baby's out of me.I didn't think it all the way through.Oh, hello, Mitch.Uh, you got Claire flowers?Yes. I had a little bit of a rough night.Yeah, you and me both.Daddy slept in my room last night.- Here, give me some of those. - What? No.- You got me into this. - Hey, stop! You're breaking them!I need--I'm not going to Cam empty-handed!Phil, let go of the...Hold still!Claire and Cam did all this?A week ago, that was all junk.It's amazing.I mean, there's that little bump in the middle.But other than that...Even if one of those boys had hit five home runs,the biggest star on that field was Claire.That's the funny thing about marriage.You fall in love with this...extraordinary person,And over time, they begin to seem ordinary.I think it's all the nagging.Wow. This...This is incredible.You literally saw a diamond in the rough.Yeah, but I take on a lot of projects no one else is willing to.I deserve that.I was an idiot for doubting you.Please, honey, forgive me.How could I not,when you give me this bouquet of crumpled flowers?- Mitchell did that! - Mitchell again?Ask Lily!- Hey, Cam. - Hey.Here you--Okay. Well...Oh, wow. Broken and mangled...Just like my heart.Cam, I'm sorry for not supporting you.- What about the sweater? - That's unforgivable.I mean, you put all that time and work into it,and I just toss it out the car window.Tossed it out the car window?!I'm forgetting how much you knew.You know what, guys? Honestly, I...I think we should do it. I think we should go for the house. - Really? - Okay, but careful, honey.Don't say something if you don't mean it.No, I do mean it. I think you two will do a fantastic job. You know, I do, too. I'm on board.On board for what?Oh, well, the four of us, uh, might go in on a house. Claire and I fix it up and flip it.That's the worst idea I ever heard.You guys know nothing about construction.You'll make all sorts of mistakes,you'll turn on each other, you'll stop talking,and suddenly I'm doing two dinners a week instead of one because you can't be in the same room.Family and business doesn't mix.Ah, you're gonna do whatever you want. Why do I bother? Is he right?Y-you know dad. I mean, he's a pessimist.I want us to get that house.I do. But I don't want us to fight.We're not gonna fight.Of course not.Probably.I don't know. Will we?Maybe we just take a beat and think about it.Yeah. I-I guess that couldn't hurt.Yeah.You guys mean the world to us.I don't want to jeopardize that over a house.- We feel the same way. - I know.- I just wanna say I know we'd do a good job, though. - Hello? - And I feel so-- - It's Mrs. Brooks, the lady with the house. Actually, it's good that you called.What?What happened?Gil Thorpe just made her an offer.- We did it! - We bought a house.It's gonna be... great!What could go wrong? Nothing.Sometimes I don't understand people.They do crazy things for the dumbest reasons.I'm going to march out there and swing as hard as I can.And if every sports movie is correct,I'm going to smack that ball,and everyone will chant my name as I round the bases.By the way,it is always counterclockwise, or do I get to choose?I don't think it's gonna matter.They convince themselves it'll all work out...Please rise for the national anthem.I'm gonna show you who can sing.Gloria.Oh, this is gonna be rough.Despite all the evidence to the contrary.Oh say can you see?By the dawn's early light?Which I guess isn't so bad.And the rocket's red glare!All I'm saying is,I hope to god you don't have your mother's singing voice. But, man, I hope you get her self-confidence.Try to get some sleep.I'll talk to you in the morning.2 outs, bottom of the sixth. Tied at 4.This is it, folks.The whole game comes down to this.Manny Delgado 0 for 3 on the day.Gloria, your thoughts?I think he's going to hit the home run.Please, god, give me one.Manny, stand up straight!But bend your knees.Widen your stance!Would you please let me just--Take your base!- You did it! You got it, Manny! - I did it?No, no, no, no! Not that way! Go this way!Oh, why do I bother? He's gonna do what he wants. Manny! Manny! Manny!。

This week, the world lost a great man,and I lost a mentor.For nearly 60 years, professor Ringmaster Al Uziellihelped young hopefuls like me find their clown persona. "Professor ringmaster"?It's a very prestigious title at clown college.One step below Piemaster General.Where's Lewis?Who knows?Okay, guys, it's just us.Lift on three.Hey, how come you guys haven't accepted my friend requests?I didn't know you were on facebook.Yeah. You said it was only for teenagersand people looking to have affairs.Well, I figured if you can't fight it...not the having the affair. That's still bad.No. Not that, but there's nothing wrong with catching upwith a few old friends, right?Or doing a little social networking with by B.F.F.S?Social networking or social not-working?Oh! You know what we gotta do?We gotta get a picture of us all together on a boat.I think that's a thing now.So what do you say? Accept my friend thingy.Sorry, mom, I-I didn't get a friend thingy from you.Yeah, you know, they have a lot of blocks on thereto protect kids from weirdos.Mm. Okay. Good, good. I'll send it again.- Great. - Please do.Please don't.We got her request the first time, but ignored it.I can't have her on there snooping aroundseeing what I'm doing at parties.Or posting pictures of us on family vacationswearing old, dorky clothes.What? What's wrong with this?Dad, check it out. I made one giant Oreo.Luke, what are you doing?You gotta eat it like it's an ear of corn.Genius.- Wow. New suit? - New everything.Kids, gather 'round. It's time for a life lesson.Aren't we already gathered?Let me tell you something.Hard work, determination, and perseverance always win out.I am living proof that nice guys can finish first.Today I have a chance to get the biggest listing of my career. Oh, I have never seen this man so focused.I'm like a boxer before the big fight.That's why I didn't have sex with Claire last night.Sorry, honey.Mm. It's--it's okay.But as soon as I get this listing--ding!Let's just stop. Stop.I see you.What? I'm scratching.Hey, mom?Is it okay if I have a friend come over tomorrow?Who? Reuben? Or the nervous one that gets the nosebleed? It's Griffin Cooper.Griffin cooper?Griffin Cooper is, by far,the coolest kid in Manny's grade.He's a terrific athlete, he's confident.Manny's a great kid, sure, but he's not exactly cool.He can't even open a door cool.Salutations, Wyatt. I'm so glad you're joining mefor an afternoon of mirth.Ah, good evening, Reuben-san.May I ask you to remove your shoes?Tonight, we are going Japanese.Ah! Hebalaboo ridabeley lai mubay rumboo.I invented a new language this morning.When did you guys become buddies?Was it a football game in the yard?- You made a great catch? - No, that didn't happen.- You made a great catch? - No, that didn't happen.But the librarian told me one day I'll be a great catch.I'm really not getting that relationship.Why can't you just be happy that Manny's making new friends? No. 'cause it doesn't add up.Cool kids like Griffin Cooper--They don't hang out with kids like Manny.Manny's very cool.Maybe those kids are finally catching up to him.Wait a minute. I get it.Couple of days last week,I took Manny to school on my motorcycle.Griffin must think I'm pretty boss.Yes, Jay. It's all because of you.Kids are looking for role models.Why do you think Fonzie was so popular?Why do you think Fonzie was so popular?He told people that they were rich,but really took their money with his scheme?No, that's a...Yes.Those people were victims of a Fonzie scheme.It's showtime.Hey, Dunphy.You gettin' ready for your one-woman show?Mitzi.Mitzi Roth-- a notorious poacherin the world of high-end residential real estate.We call her the "Nightmare on Elm Street,"We call her the "Nightmare on Elm Street,"Because she sold a lot of houses on Elm Street.What are you doing here, Mitzi?I have an appointment. This is my listing.Oh, I didn't think that was dotted line yet, jazz hands.No worries. I may have an interested buyer.I'll bring him to you.Really?Okay, but could you come back later?I really need to have them to myself right now.Oh, yeah, okay. I completely understand.- Okay, thanks. - You're welcome.Wait. What?What are you doing?Watch this.- Hello? - Oh, it's Mitzi Roth.- And Phil Dunphy. - I may have a prospective buyerfor your beautiful house.- I was wondering if maybe I could come in... - Hey, Stan! Hey, Patti! and just have a look for a little while.- We've got a lot to talk about. - Come on in.Hey, guys. Yeah.I'm wondering if maybe we shouldn't be alone for this.I'm in.Go back to condos, Dunphy.Oh, my god! This place is absolutely gorgeous. Stunning. Stunning.- You are in such good hands with Phil. - Hey.How are you guys?I mean, fingers crossed, though.You know, so many new companies go belly-up.- Terrible. - Well, good to-- good to see you, Mitzi.- Guys, how are you? - Oh, no. No, no, it's fine.It's fine. Come and take a look.Oh, thank you.- Thank you. - Mitzi, please!Mitzi, please! Please!- What are you doing? - Oh, my god! He shoved me! - What?! - He shoved me!- For god sakes! Phil! - Oh, my god!I thought you had your anger problem under control!I don't have an anger...I don't--anger problem.I don't have an anger problem.Whoa. Hey. It's over? What the hell?You're an hour late.Huh. Good to see you, too, chuckleberry.Look at that. Your oversized pants are starting to fit. Hello, Lewis.Hello, Fizbo.For several years,I was one half of the renowned clown duoFizbo & Lewis.We were huge.In children's parties.Anyway, I disbanded the group shortly after I met Mitchell. It's hard to have a relationship and a clown career.That's the reason there are so many single clowns.Just one of the reasons.Anyway, um, Lewis hasn't spoken to me since.He's still bitter, and I don't blame him.It's kind of like I broke up the Beatles.Of children's parties.What do you say we hit a bar?Tip a few back to Al, huh?I heard you were in jail.Yeah? I heard you're still doing that lame giant scissors bit, You blue-haired hack.Who's in?- I'll go. - I'll go.Just give me a minute. I gotta redo my lips.All right. Cerveza.What about you, Fizzy?You gonna come or you gonna break up this party, too? Hey, shotgun, bitches!I should, you know, probably go.- You know, for--for Al. - Oh, yeah, no, of course. But, hey, listen, don't let him get to you, all right? No. It's fine. It's all seltzer under the bridge.Just one drink, and then I'll be home.Okay. Just drive me home first?No, you, uh, you--you take the car.I, uh, I'll go with the guys.In that tiny car? How are you all possibly gonna... Forget I asked!It's 5:00 in the morning.Daddy's juggling!Lily, honey, what are you doing up?Are you just getting home?Yeah, things got a little out of hand.Somebody had a flower that squirted tequila. What do you mean "Somebody"? I want full credit. What up, red?Really?Teach me to juggle!It's very simple.The key is tobe aware of where everything is at all times.And don't forget the importance of balance! Oh! Okay. Okay. Come on.I think I cracked my eggs.We're out of eggs?Are you yolking?And I haven't eaten in five days!Five days! Are you cereal?Lily, don't ever do that.Okay. You two are deliberately not confirming me. Everybody else has accepted my facebook requests-- Your father, uncle mitchell...Adele.That's right. Adele has agreed to be my friend,And my own daughters haven't.Yeah, you may just be a fan of Adele, and--What is so private that I can't possibly see it? Nothing.Nothing. You just don't want to be my friend. Great. I can see my next status update--"My daughters are monsters."You're not gonna believe this.Mitzi got the listing.Oh, no, honey. That's awful.She cheated, she lied, and she won.Kids, gather 'round.Again, we are gathered.You wanna get ahead? Don't play by the rules. Turns out nice guys finish lastIn this cold, dog-eat-dog world.It's not fair. Why don't you play dirty, too?You could take her down.Honey, 'cause your dad is a better man than that.He has values and morals and--You. Keep talking.Well, just off the top of my head,You could take my spy pen and record her admitting what she did. And then you could play it for those peopleSo they realize what a jerk she is.Your dad is never gonna- do that-- - you're a regular chatterbox today!Get me that pen!- I got it! - Remember, pal, keep it simple.Hey, manny.Griffin--legendary creature of greek mythologyWith the head of a lion and wings of an eagle.What'd you say, Jay?Never mind.Jay pritchett. Nice to meet you.Nice to meet you, too.You know, I, I saw a little of that basketball game of yours last week. You were lightin' it up.Thanks.I was lighting it up, too, Jay.Who's hot? We're hot!Mustangs are hot!Hola, Griffin. How are you?13.I'm fine.So what do you boys have planned for today? Well, it's kind of a surprise for Griffin,But let's just say it involves decoupage.- Oh, jeez. - Come on. Let's go.Good-bye.Oh, no.- What? - You were right.This boy is not here to see manny.I told you. You see the way he looks at me?No, Fonzie, the way he looks at me.He couldn't talk. He kept staring.He was just like my teachers back in school. Gloria, you're very pretty.But the kid idolizes me.Really?Griffin! Manny!Do you want to go with Jay to ride his motorcycle, Or you want to go with me to the supermarket And buy a couple of onions?Motorcycle rides!Onions sound good.Guess he has a thing for you, too.Hey! We're back!Hey, I-I just finished cleaning the kitchen,So if anyone has to do a spit take,Please do it over the sink.We felt really bad about that, so we got you a present.What--what's the deal with this?I open it up and snakes fly out, or a fire?No, we just know that you like to read.Yeah. So open it.Aah! Got him!No. No. That's exactly what I expected.'member, when I told you?Okay. Look, it's almost go time,So we should have a shot and go white up.I'm sor--excuse me. "White up"?Oh, yeah. Lewis got a call to do a birthday party this afternoon, So we're gonna put the old act back together.Yeah, Fizbo & Lewis, together again.And they said it would never happen.Said. Hoped.Could I talk to you for a second?Uh-oh. Trouble in queer-a-dise.Okay, look, gonna go out to the car for smokes.Please tell me "Smokes" is not another clown,'cause I don't think I could handle another one of him.Oh, Lewis is not that bad.Well, what do you see in that guy, cam?I don't know. Maybe the fact thathe doesn't roll his eyes every time I talk about the art of clowning... Like that.He may have had his faultsbut we were great together.We had an unspoken language.We finished each other's balloon animals.But you would never know,Because you have never been to one of our performances. Birthday parties.You hate my clown side.No. No. No. I don't hate it.Just admit it. I basically already know you do.Okay. Okay. Cards on the table.- It's not my favorite thing that you-- -Oh, how dare you?I am a clown. It's who I am!If you squeeze me, do I not honk?Eye roll!Oh, like I had a choice!Knock, knock.What are you doing here?Hey, um, I-I brought you some... soup.You know, I thought about it, and maybe I did push you. So... how's the ankle?Oh, come on, Dunphy. You know I flopped.Haven't you ever seen an NBA game?Oh, I'm sorry. In your case, WNBA.So that was all a ruse?The oldest trick in the book.You need to step up your game, son.You know what? I almost feel sorry for you.Come here. Give me a big hug.Oh, yeah. Yeah.No hard feelings, huh?- None at all. - Good.Because I just recorded your entire confession...right here on my...Spy pen?Second-oldest trick in the book.Oh, god. A real man would have just poisoned the soup.Are we... done here?Ah. Thank you.Hey, mom. Guess what?Griffin invited us all over to his housefor a pool party and barbecue tonight.Pool party, huh?Yeah, and he said bring your swimsuits.He was pretty adamant about it.It's 50 degrees outside.Sounds fun.Great. I'll call him.You know, you're basically agreeing to a date with a 13-year-old boy. Jay, we use this go get us tables at restaurants,Why can't we use this to get Manny a friend?Because he's not really getting a friend.Oh, but when you thought thathe was trying to ride your motorcycle, it was okay. Maybe now I don't like what he's trying to ride.Manny likes Griffin.Maybe someday, if they spend enough time together, Griffin will like manny.What? Griffin doesn't like me?No, no, no, papi. He loves you.But you just said someday Griffin will like me.That means he doesn't like me now.You know what, kid?We think that Griffin might be hanging out with you because he's got a little crush on your mother and me.- On you? - Wow. I can't believe it.- Listen, it's fine. You're gonna be fine. Okay? - I'm sorry. Are you kidding? It's fantastic!How is it fantastic?I'm only hanging out with himbecause I have the hots for his sister chloe.You've met Griffin. The kid's a doorknob.So you're just using him?Yeah, and I felt really guilty about it until now.Now it's a win-win.Not for me!Just suck it up, mom.I've done a lot for you over the years.Jay, you, too. This girl could be the one.Then I'm out of your hair forever.Pool party, mom. Dress accordingly.Can you help me reach that box of cereal?Hey. You're Mitzi Roth.I recognize you from your ads.Smokin', right?I'm Luke Dunphy.My dad's phil dunphy.I'm sorry.Why do you hate him so much?It's just business, kid. It's not personal.Well, it's personal to us.I've never seen my dad so worried before.I have this spy pen,and I heard him talking to my mom,and he's scared about paying for my sister's college next year. And I guess he's nervous about some kind of party, Because he said there's a big balloon payment.Because he said there's a big balloon payment.Anyways, he's like the best dad ever,So maybe you could be a little nicer to him.There you are, buddy.Check it out. They're giving away free jelly beans.Hey, Mitzi.Dunphy.You have a very nice kid there.He's mine.Hey, so I was thinking after, uh, little Fizbo,We could do the ladder bit.Ah, crap. I forgot the ladder.You know, I'll remember it next weekend.What's next weekend?We got a town fair in Thousand Oaksand a birthday party in Pasadena.Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I-I can't do that.W-what do you mean?I'm the one with outstanding warrants in Pasadena.We're taking Lily to the aquarium next weekend.You know, Lewis, this was just a onetime thing, right? What happened to "We're putting the act back together"? Well, that was just for today.Oh. Oh, sure.- I'm--I'm sorry if you thought... - No, no, no.I get it.You're a family man now.Let's go out there and make thisthe best show fizbo & Lewis have ever done.You got it, partner.Ladies and germs, boys and girls,say hello to my good friend...little Fizbo!Hello, big people!Hi!Let's get this party started!Wow, all this dancing sure has made me hungry!Wish I had something to eat!Oh, forgot I had that fish over there.Don't know why he's so mad at me!He was fine just a minute ago.Ohh! Okay!Somebody's a little punchy today!Oh. Hey.What's the frying pan doing here?When did we add a frying pan to the act?We don't need-- nope! Don't need the frying pan!Why are you doing that? Stop doing that.Screw you, you traitor.Ow! That hurts!Seriously, stop it!Know what hurts? Abandonment.Listen to 'em laughing. We could have been something. We could have been some-- I can't do this bit by myself! Somebody! Somebody! This isn't pretend!Someone grab an adult, please!Mitzi.Your kid forgot his cereal.There's a surprise in every box.Spoiler alert-- it's diabetes.You drove all the way over here for this?Okay, look, here's the deal.You can have that listing if you want it.- What? - Yeah, the couple are a real pain.I'm too old for that kind of headache.Just keep your mouth shut about it.- Thank you so much. - I just said "Zip it"!- Oh. You did. - Unbelievable.I'm so sorry. But thank you.Bye!Kids, gather 'round!We are right here!Let me tell you something-- people are fundamentally good. The key is, you find that goodness deep within 'em.Twist it,and turn it to your advantage.Hello.And... there she is.What are you gonna hit?College, balloon payment, greatest dad ever.Nice. Do you want me to squirt some tears in your eyes? Dad, please.I was fake crying before I could walk.How do you think I got out of eating all those salads? Can you help me reach that box of cereal?Oh, hey. You're Mitzi Roth, right?I recognize you from your ads.Smokin', huh?I can't believe you got that listing back!- Sweetheart! - Honey!- Honey? - Mm-hmm?Ding?You sure you wanna ding a chatterbox? Honey...Buddy, quick--What's the trick to those fake tears?The three stooges are all dead.Yeah, that's good.Well, it looks like somebody likes Coldplay.Mm. Right. You saw.Did you see the pictures I posted from thanksgiving? Totes adorbs.I'm going to kill myself.You gotta check out my wall. Right there. "Spring break, 1990, New Orleans."Is that you?What?Some guy from your college tagged you in a picture. What is "Tagging"? What is "Tagging"?Why are drinking out of a funnel? Why there's a hand...Ok, untag it.Untag it.Girls, I'm serious, untag it.Turn down the wall.。

How you doing? 你好啊Phil Dunphy. 我是菲尔·邓菲What do I have to do to get you to ask 我要如何才能让你张口问说"What do I have to do to get you into this car today?" "我要如何才能让你看上这辆车" Well, why don't we start it with a test drive? 要不我们先来个试驾你看怎么样I'll get the keys. 我去拿钥匙Sounds good. 听起来不错Right where I want him. 正合我意啊Come here. Come look at this. 快过来瞅瞅这个This thing warns you 一旦你偏离了行车道if you deviate from your lane. 这玩意儿就会提醒你In my car, that's my wife. 我车就不用有我老婆在就行"Andre, if you try to kill me, "安德烈你要是开车不管我死活I swear I will kill you!" 我就替天行道先收了你"Well, I guess this is what I'll be driving 我想接下来的39个月陪伴我的for the next 39 months. 就会是这辆车了This is my D.N.A. talking, 休怪我观察力太明锐But you do not seem sufficiently excited 这可是一辆全新的凯迪拉克啊about the prospect of driving a new Cadillac. 也瞅着能开上也没见你有多兴奋啊No, it's great. I've just leased the same thing forever. 没我兴奋得很只是比较念旧而已Part of me wants to shake things up. 但内心深处其实想弄点刺激的I don't know. 我也说不清Get something like... 比如换一个...Like that. 那样的Colonel Klink, that is nice. 克里克上校风范赞啊We took Lily on her first train ride. 我们第一次带着莉莉坐城铁Just a quick trip to chinatown. 去唐人街的短途路程I was worried she would think 原本还担心她会误以为We were taking her back to Vietnam, 我们要把她送回越南But she seemed okay. 不过她表现还好Yeah, yeah. 可不是嘛Possibly because she was an infant when she left vietnam.可能因为她离开越南时还只是个婴儿吧Also, Vietnam is not China. 其次越南和中国是两码事Well, I had a lollipop with me just in case. 不过我带上根棒棒糖以防万一I love that we're doing this. 我真开心我们能这么做It's important for her to explore the city she lives in. 慢慢涉足她生活的城市对她很重要So much diversity. 真是鱼龙混杂啊Keep your wallet in your front pocket. 快把钱包放你前面的口袋里My shoe's untied. 我的鞋带散了Oh, sweetie, it is. Here, have a seat. 小乖乖是哦来先坐下Right here. There you go. Hey, hold bunny. 就这里好样的小兔兔拿好- No! No, no, no, no, no, no! - Bunny! -不不不不 -小兔兔How did you miss that, Mitchell? 你怎么就没接住呢米奇尔Mr. Conductor! I-I... 列车长我...What? 那什么I was purell-ing! 我在给手消毒呢And it's me! Why would you toss it? 我不就这样嘛你干嘛突然扔过来Because my hands were full? 我手忙不过来了这理由充分吗I want bunny! 还我小兔兔I know. W--okay, I have an idea. 知道好的我有个主意Let's catch the next train and ride it till it catches up. 我们赶下一班城铁然后去追前面那班They don't catch up. That's called a collision. 城铁是追不上的追上了那叫相撞Okay, well, do you have a better idea? 那行你说你想一个更好的办法呢- You're the one that lost it. - No, you tossed it. -就是你弄丢的 -不是你扔丢的He who tossed it lost it. 扔的人才是弄丢的人Don't try to clever your way out of this. 别为了推卸责任跟我耍嘴皮子Daddy lost bunny. 爸爸弄丢了兔兔She means you. 她说的是你Oh, I wanted a car like this since I was a kid. 自打小时候我就梦想着能有这么一辆车Me, too. 我也是I used to imagine the wind blowing through my perm, 我曾想象着那风掠过我的发梢blasting some hall & oates, 再配上霍尔与奥兹的歌maybe horsing around with my mr. Microphone... 和我的麦克疯先生一起逍遥自在Yeah, we wouldn't have been friends back then. 得了那会儿咱俩还没那么熟You should buy it. 心动不如行动啊No, it's not practical. 不这太不切实际了Practical? You never see a person on their deathbed 实际你见过人临死之前躺床上saying, "I wish I'd have been more practical." 说 "我要是在活得在实际点就好了"I see a lot of people on their deathbed, Phil. 临死之人的肺腑之言我见得多了菲尔A lot. 多了去了I thought you operated on knees and elbows. 你不就是给膝盖胳膊肘什么的动动手术嘛Phil, this is a nice car. 菲尔这车真的不错And it's half the price of a new car. 价格也只有新车的一半而已If you don't buy it, I will. 你要是不买我就上了What would Claire say? 克莱尔知道可怎么办You know what? Maybe we should find you 那好吧我们去找那种特殊构造的车Something with a little more lumbar support. 那种可以让你挺直腰杆的车Yeah. You know, with you not having a spine and all. 知道吗你要是自己连个主心骨都没有- I have a spine. - Do you have a spine? -我有主心骨 -你确定你有主心骨吗- I have a spine. - So wanna take it for a spin? -我有主心骨 -要去兜风测测性能吗You know what? I'd rather take her for a spin. 这样吧我更想测测她的"性能"Let's get her top down 赶紧把她放平整利索了and see what she can do. 看看她"性能"如何I'm--no, I meant the convertible. 我... 我说的是那敞篷车Well, I just talked to the concierge, 我刚跟那大堂经理聊了下and room service will save me a bread pudding. 客房服务能帮我留一块面包布丁Load off my mind. 那我总算放心了You mock me, but "Travel and leisure" 尽管嘲笑我不过《旅游与休闲》杂志Says it's not to be missed. 可说了那是不能错过的美食This weekend, we're going up to pebble beach. 这周末我们一家要去卵石滩[加州] I'm gonna meet a bunch of guys 去会一会那群高中I played high school football with. 一起打橄榄球的老朋友们Man, those were the good old days. 天啊那段岁月可真是难忘Yeah, unless you were a woman, 是啊你要是女人或者black, hispanic, or gay. 黑人西裔同性恋那日子就糟糕了True, but if you were a straight white guy 没错不过你要是一个白种的直男who played football, 还打橄榄球you really couldn't have a bad day. 原来生活可以更美的Gloria? 歌洛莉亚Which watch should I pack? 我该戴哪块表This one's showier. This one's more expensive. 这快霸气外漏这款价值连城Why do you care so much about a watch? 就一块表而已你干吗这么在乎How do I say this without sounding like an ass? 我要怎么跟你说才不会显得太臭屁呢I'm kind of a legend to these guys. 那帮人可当我是个传奇人物Not like that. 这么说不行Who's your daddy? 快看谁最屌Whoa! Whose car is this? 哇哦这车是谁的啊- Mine! - I talked him into it. -我的 -我说服他买的Seriously? Mom's gonna let you have this? 真的吗买这车老妈没意见吗Luke, luke, luke... 卢克卢克卢克...Where is she? 你妈人呢Dad, I don't like this. 老爸这车我很不喜欢Why not? 为什么My friend molly's dad bought a sports car, 我朋友茉莉她爸就买了辆跑车and now he lives in a studio apartment 现在他住在一个单间公寓里and dates a girl who works at Forever 21, 跟一个在"永驻21岁"上班的姑娘约会and dates a girl who works at Forever 21, Forever 21:美国服装品牌which she won't be for two years. 这姑娘可两年后才到21岁Hear that? 听到没Honey, I'm not leaving your mom. 宝贝们我不会抛下你们母亲的Might not be your call. 或许还真由不得你Oh, my god, it's so pretty! 我的天啊这车太炫了I love it! And I love you, 我爱死它了也爱死你了and I promise I'll take super good care of it! 我答应你一定格外小心地驾驶它Can I tell her? 能让我来说吗Please. I ask for so little. 求你了我要求的事并不多Alex, be nice to your sister. 艾丽克斯姐妹俩要和睦It's dad's car, not yours. 这是老爸的车不是你的What? But you're too old for this! 说什么老土的你和这新潮的车不搭啊It's just like last year 就跟去年一个样when you wouldn't take off those skinny jeans. 你死也不愿意脱下那些紧身牛仔裤Wouldn't or couldn't? 不愿脱还是没法脱Hey. I looked hot. 我穿的可劲爆呢And you look hot in this car. 你配上这车也一样劲爆Let me tell you something about your dad. 让我来告诉你们一些你们老爸的事儿Your dad is a man who knows what he wants, 你们的爸爸是个目标明确的人and he gets it. 而且说到做到At least that's what I heard. You know, I was there 反正我是这么听说的你们懂的more as a friend and an observer than anything. 当局者迷旁观者清嘛- Andre. - Hey, Claire. -安德烈 -你好克莱尔Honey. Is this the new car? 亲爱的这是你买的新车吗I know it looks impractical, 我知道看起来不实用but Andre's seen a lot of people die. 不过安德烈跟我说了好些临死之人的事I'm not upset. 我没有不高兴I'm not upset. It's a beautiful car. 没生气这车挺漂亮Just surprised you didn't get the sedan, that's all. 就是没想到你没买辆大车仅此而已Beautiful. 不错Good seeing, you, Cl-- 见到你很高兴克莱...Mm. It's beautiful. 真的很漂亮What just happened? 刚刚是怎么回事She did not blink once. 她眼都没眨一下Do you wanna come in for a minute? 进去坐一会儿吧No, I gotta... You know, I gotta get to the wife. 不了我得你知道找我老婆去Well, do you... 你要不要- Uh, do you need a ride or anything? - No. No, no, -要不要我送你一程 -不用不用I'm gonna, uh, I'm-a jog. 我打算跑回去- Why--why are you running? - I'm just gonna jog! -你干嘛跑啊 -我跑步回去就行了Lily was up all night because she didn't have bunny, 莉莉没了兔兔一晚上没合眼which means that we were up all night 我们也跟着不能睡because she didn't have bunny. 因为她的兔兔没了God, she must have cried for... 天哪她肯定哭了有How long was it, Cam? 多久来着小卡Cam. Cam. 小卡小卡Oh, sorry. 不好意思Uh, last night was rough because Lily... 昨晚上太混乱了因为莉莉的- Covered it. - didn't have bunny. -说过了 -兔兔不见了Jay, tell me, why are we on the runway? 杰说啊我们到跑道上来干嘛Surprise! We're taking a private plane. 大惊喜我们要乘私人飞机去Wow! I've never been on a private plane! 我还从没坐过私人飞机呢And you never will. 以后也别想坐I am not getting on that little thing! 我不会上那个小玩意儿的What if the rubber band snaps and we fall out of the sky? 要是皮筋断了我们掉下来怎么办It's perfectly safe. It's a legitimate airline! 安全系数很高的人家是正规航线Hey, folks. 你们好Whoa. Nobody said three. 怎么有三个人All right. Before we take off, 好吧起飞前I'm gonna need to get everyone's weight here. 我得登记一下各位的体重- No problem. I'm about 190. - Okay. -没问题我有95公斤 -好的Oh, yeah. In that case, I'm 275. 要问我的话我137公斤Gloria, I would never put you and Manny in danger. 歌洛莉亚我不会让你和曼尼有危险的Now come on! Trust me on this! 走吧相信我这一回Beautiful. 太棒了It's American music the whole way, 这一路都得听美国音乐and I don't wanna hear a word. 谁也别说话- How you doing there, sport? - Great. Yeah. -怎么样了跑车男 -棒极了Awesome. You know what's awesome? 帅呆了你知道帅在哪儿吗Is this car has the engine in the trunk, 这辆车的发动机在后备箱里so that means I get to... 这就意味着我得...Put these signs in the seat, which is cool. 把这些展板放在座位上真酷Very cool. 是相当酷What? 怎么了Oh, nothing. My, uh, client just wants me 没什么客户想让我to pick her up on the way to the open house, 载她一起过去看房which is great. I'll, uh, drop the sign off 没问题我只要把展板拿下来and just swing across town to... 然后穿过镇子Oh. She's bringing her mom and a designer. 她还要带上她妈妈和设计师Well, maybe they'll fit in the trunk. 说不定后备箱坐得下Here it comes! 我就知道你要说What? I was making a joke. 哪里我开玩笑的What's your game, woman? 小女子你耍的什么把戏I have no game. You're an adult. You can make your own choices. 没什么你是成年人能自己做主Since when? 我什么时候有这待遇了Do you wanna borrow the minivan? 你想借用这面包车吗Yes, please. 对求求你了Okay, fine. Then you're gonna have to pick up the kids from school. 行那你去接孩子放学Okay, I can't take it. 好吧我投降If you got something to say, just say it. 你想说什么尽管往我这儿招呼吧I have nothing to say. 我无话可说- That just says it all. - Well...Ok. -不言自明了 -随你怎么想吧All--all right. Thank you, Serena. 行好谢了塞丽娜See you tonight. 晚上见Good news--they rescheduled my massage for the morning. 好消息他们帮我把按摩时间调早上了Bad news--it's a dude. 坏消息是按摩师换成男的了Don't blame me. It's your mom's fault. 别怪我要怪怪你妈Do you know how many people have died in these planes?你知道有多少人因为乘这种飞机丧命了吗Do you know how many people have died in these planes? 三位都是美国著名歌手均因小型飞机失事丧生John Denver, 约翰·丹沃Patsy Cline, 佩茜·克琳Ritchie Valens. 里奇·瓦伦斯I've heard you sing. I think you're safe. 就你那破锣嗓我保你没事All right, look, 行了听着The welcome dinner starts in four hours. 欢迎晚宴四小时后开始It's a 5-hour drive. 我们开到那儿要五个小时No bathroom breaks. 路上没时间上厕所了Yeah, I think you're gonna want to hold on to that cup. 所以我劝你还是少喝点儿Damn it! 糟糕- What was that? - Giant pothole. -怎么回事 -一个大坑The dash is lighting up like a christmas tree. 撞得火花四溅了都Tire's blown! 轮胎破了This never would have happened if we were in the air! 要是在天上就不会有这种事了If this had happened in the air, we wouldn't be in the air. 要是天上发生这种事我们就没活路了We would be in rock 'n' roll heaven! 我们就上天堂唱摇滚了Okay, what do you think? 你觉得怎么样I'm gonna put these in the subway. 我打算把这些贴到地铁里去Okay, it looks like, uh, Lily's missing 这张看起来好像是莉莉丢了and we're offering $25 to get her back. 然后我们悬赏二十五美元把她找回来Oh, don't be ridiculous. No one in their right mind-- 荒唐正常的人怎么会... Okay. That's all I see now. 好吧现在我也这么觉得了- How about this one? - Okay. Um... -这张呢 -我看看"Missing--stuffed bunny. Brown and white fur. 毛绒兔子失踪毛色灰白相间Sympathetic eyes." What are sympathetic eyes? 富有同情心的眼神解释一下这句Not those. 反正不是你那样I just--I don't really love the idea 我只是没法接受of our phone number being up in the subway. 把我们的电话号码贴得地铁里到处都是Okay, let's play a different game. 行那我们换个方式How about I be the problem, and you be the solution? 我来提问你来解决如何I'm sorry. I shouldn't be so critical. 对不起我不应该吹毛求疵的I know you're just trying to--got it! 我知道你不过是想有了Just came up with a better idea. 突然想到一个好主意Took me less than five seconds. 花了我五秒钟不到Okay... 我看看I can't hear you. What? 我听不见什么Window. 窗玻璃摇下来I don't know... 我不会弄Gah! What did I do? 我按了什么Oh. Oh, my. 天哪- Yes. Hi. - Hey, nice car. -你好 -你好车不错Thank you. 谢谢You gonna drive up the coast, or... 你是去海边吗还是Oh, no. I'm gonna do some errands, actually. 不是就是去办点事Yeah, 'cause other people might go and buy a crazy car 有些人可能会去买辆离谱的车with an engine in the-- in the trunk, but not me. 发动机还在后备箱里我可不会No. I'm responsible. Mm-hmm. 不我是个负责任的人We have three kids. You can't pick up three kids in this car. 我们有三个孩子这车怎么坐得下You can't. 根本坐不下You--it... It... 你这个I'll get you... Catch ya. 我会追上你的来了I'm going! 走了Maybe I was a teeny bit mad. 也许我确实有那么一点点搓火So I blew off my errands and headed up the coast. 于是我抛开琐事驶向大海It was my turn to be irresponsible. 是时候让我潇洒走一回了And luckily, I had sunscreen in my purse. 幸好我包包里还有墨镜Well, your strut's shot, 你的车架坏了And we can't get parts for at least a day. 更换的零件要过一天才能到Fantastic. 这下好了I don't suppose 依我看there's any place you can rent cars anywhere around here? 你们这儿也没租车的地方吧Know what, sir? We're not some one-horse town. 先生这小镇没你想象的那么落后Of course you can rent a car. 当然能租到车It just happens to be out for the day. 只是不巧都租完了Unbelievable. 难以置信- We're gonna miss the whole weekend. - I am sorry, Jay. -整个周末都泡汤了 -很抱歉杰I know how much you mean to those guys, 我知道他们把你看得有多重and I know how much they want to see you. 也知道他们有多想见你I'm so sorry. 真是不好意思Uh, excuse me. 容我说一句You are... 你真的是so pretty. 太漂亮了And if you really need to get somewhere, 如果你们真的必须要去哪儿maybe I can help you out. 或许我能帮上忙Ay, yes, please! Thank you! Anything! 好啊拜托了谢谢怎样都行Check it out. Restored it myself. 瞧瞧我私藏的宝贝No. 不行I did not get in the little plane at the little airport! 我才不在这小机场里上这架这个小飞机I'm not gonna get in this... 死也不坐这个...flown by that guy that couldn't fix our car! 开飞机的还是这个连车都修不好的家伙Gloria, it's either this, 歌洛莉亚要么就坐这个or we're in the motel. 要么只好住汽车旅馆了I don't like the sound of that. 现在这情况可不怎么乐观A lot of amenities disappear 旅馆前面一加上汽车二字when an "H" Becomes an "M." 档次立马跟着灰飞烟灭You know, when I met you, 知道吗咱俩刚见面那会儿you were eating cereal out of a bucket. 你还只是个从桶里扒麦片吃的小屁孩儿Hey, Lily, guess what? 嘿莉莉你猜怎么着What? 什么事Uh, we just heard from Bunny. 兔兔给我们传信了This is a terrible idea. 这办法糟透了No, it's fantastic. 不这办法好极了Bunny said he's on an amazing adventure 兔兔说他正在经历一场华丽的冒险having the time of his life, 并且特别享受那种生活And that you should pick one of his best friends 还说你应该选一个他的好朋友to sleep with while he's gone. 在他外出的这段时间陪你入眠Bunny doesn't talk. 兔兔不会说话This is going great. 进行得"真"顺利He does now, because-- 他现在会说了因为because he took talking lessons. 因为他上语文课了So what do you think, huh? 那你想选哪一个呢Turtle or giraffe 小海龟还是长颈鹿or, uh, little reindeer? 还是呃小驯鹿呢Where's bunny now? 兔兔现在在哪儿Uh, St. Louis. 呃在圣路易斯Why? 为什么He's visiting his girlfriend. 他去看他女朋友了He doesn't have a girlfriend. 他没有女朋友He has a boyfriend! 他有个男盆友I want bunny! 还我兔兔Okay. No, no, Lily. 好吧等等莉莉Lily, uh, what about miss, uh, teddy bear? 莉莉要不选泰迪熊吧Huh? No? Uh, Dr. Tiger? No? 不好吗那老虎博士呢也不好吗Mr. Fish? 鱼先生呢I want bunny. I'm going to St. Louis. 我要兔兔我要去圣路易斯Really? You don't know nemo? 不是吧这鱼叫"尼莫"都不知道It's on an endless loop in the den. 屋里可都是循环播放着的I have a job. 我可没那闲工夫And then Bodie kicked it to me, 然后博迪传球给我and I dribbled it past Michael and got it to Tyler... 我带球过了迈克传给了泰勒I was bummed not to be in my new cool car, 开不上崭新的靓车我很不爽so I wasn't joking around with the kids like I usually do. 所以我没有像平时一样跟孩子们嬉闹And I would've scored if that kid didn't trip me. 要不是被那小子绊倒我就射门得分了I can't believe the ref didn't see it. 裁判居然没看到I bet Olivia saw it. 奥利维亚肯定看到了She's always watching you when you play. 你踢球时她总是盯着你Yeah, I know. It's like she's in love with soccer. 是啊我知道看来她很喜欢足球Ugh. Stop texting me! 唉别再给我发短信了What? 怎么了Corey. He is so clingy. 是科里他太黏人了Corey. He is so clingy. 该换男朋友了哦(说的是汉语你信吗)But, you know, there's something about driving your kids around. 但是开车接送孩子还是有好处的You're in the front, they're in the back. 你在前排他们在后排They forget you're there, 他们忘记你在那儿and you learn so much. 于是你知道了许多事儿You're like sigourney weaver in "Gorillas in the mist."感觉我像《雾中猩猩》里的西格妮·韦弗Except gorillas make less noise chewing. 不过猩猩的咀嚼声比较小Once I hit the coast highway, I didn't stop. 一开上沿海公路我就一路狂飙I turned off my cell phone. 关掉了手机I ate fish tacos for lunch. It was insane! 午饭吃了鱼肉卷真是太疯狂了I haven't felt that free in years. 好多年都没这种自由的感觉了All my stress completely disappeared... 压力一下子就不见踪影了And so did my keys. 车钥匙也一并没了I'm sorry, but... These signs are ridiculous. 抱歉但这些标志真是傻到家了Oh, you're right. I should have used helvetica. 你说得对我应该用赫维提卡字体It much better represents the urgency of our situation. 这样也更符合我们目前火烧眉毛的状况No, the lengths that we're going to for a stuffed animal. 不我是说咱费尽心思就为找个娃娃You know, cam, maybe it's time lily learned about loss. 小卡该让莉莉体会什么是"失去"了No, she's 3, and I know. 不她才三岁这事我懂Do you know how many times 你知道吗在农场时I had to say good-bye to a furry friend on the farm? 我不得不无数次和动物朋友们告别And didn't it make you stronger? 不正是它们让你变得更强壮了吗Yeah, because I was a growing boy 没错那时我正在长身体and they were chock-full of protein. 而它们富含了蛋白质高营养But it was still heartbreaking. 但终究这事还是会让我心碎It builds character. 这塑造了人的品质You know, once, when I was a kid, 我小时候有一回my dad left my Luke Skywalker doll on an airplane, 我爸把我的卢克·天行者玩偶遗失在机场- and I was so angry-- - Wait, which--which Luke? -我特别气 -等会儿哪一款卢克Shorty robe or dress blacks? 穿短袍的还是黑衣的- Shorty robe. - Oh, my. -穿短袍的 -天呐And you know what he did to get it back? 你知道他怎么捡回它吗Not a damn thing. Nope. 他什么都没干什么都没He didn't lift one pudgy finger 他连动几个手指头去to make a single phone call, 打个电话的都没有and I got over it. 而我挺过来了Yeah, well, I want you and Lily 是啊我希望你和莉莉to have the same healthy relationship 能有健康的父女关系you and your father have. For sure. 就像你和你爹这样必须的All right, give me these flyers. 好吧把传单给我I'm gonna take everything to this side of the homeless guy. 我把它们发给这些流浪汉Mitchell! 米奇尔Sorry, what are we supposed to say now 我错了我们该怎么称呼他们呢Home-challenged? Or... 无家可归的人还是啥No, look! 不快看Oh, my god! It's bunny! 天呐是兔兔Oh, Lily's gonna be so happy. 莉莉会高兴坏了的Oh, that's so great. Go ahead and get it. 真是太好了快去拿回来- What, me? - Yeah. -啥我去 -对啊Why should I go and get it? 干嘛让我去拿回来Well, I-I'm not gonna do it. 我才不会去呢Why? I spotted it. 为什么是我发现的You're closer. 你离得近It's your journey. Luke skywalker? 这是你的使命想想"卢克·天行者" Pattern-breaking? Your father? Get in there. 想想"超越自我" 想想你爹快去Fine. 好吧Sir--hi, sir. 嗨先生Hello, you--you... 你好你你Hello. 你好Hello. 你好He-hello? Sir... 你好先生- I-I can't... - Oh, for god sakes! -我不能 -我的老天爷啊- Let her hate us. - You turned out great. -她要狠咱就恨吧 -你处理得很得体- I did, didn't I? - You're a big lawyer. -我也这么觉得 -不愧是个大律师This is not the massage I had in mind. 我预想中的按摩可不是这样的All right. 好的Okay. 这样In about an hour, a train goes through town 大约一小时后有辆火车会经过这儿that will get us close to pebble beach. 可以把我们带到卵石滩那儿Now it's not technically a-a passenger train, 严格意义上说这不是一辆客车- so it won't be stopping. - What? -所以不会停站 -什么So we gotta get running real good. 咱们到时候得跑快点No high-heeled shoes. And it wouldn't be wrong 高跟鞋就算了吧还有带上那毛毯if we took that blanket with us, either, huh? 应该也能排上用场了吧So what do you say? Anybody up for a hobo adventure? 你们觉得如何来一场流浪大冒险如何If we're voting, I'm a "No". 真要投票的话我反对Manny, we're gonna be right back. 曼尼我们出去一会儿就回来We're gonna get some ice from the machine in the parking lot.我们去停车场那个机器里弄点冰块回来Classy. 够上档次Jay, this is getting crazy. Is it worth it? 杰这是要闹哪样有意思吗I wanna see the old gang. 我就想会会三五老友而已Do you wanna see them or you want to show off to them? 你是真心想见他们还是单纯想去炫耀The private plane, the fancy watch. 私人飞机啊名贵手表啊You still want to feel 你只是想回味that you're the big kahuna on the campus. 自己在大学里当大佬的滋味吧That's not it. That's not even a thing. 才没有呢我压根没往那方面想You know what? I'm taking Manny home. 我要带曼尼回家了If you want to go in the takka-takka-takka-takka, 如果你执意要去坐...okay, go to pebble beach by yourself. 成你就一个人去吧No, what? That's not the plan. 不要说什么呢计划不是这样的If you wanna go there so bad, 如果你那么想去that's the only way you're gonna get there. 这就是唯一的办法了I'm not trying to get me there. 不是我自己想要去那儿I'm trying to get you there! 我是想带你去那儿- What? - Look... -什么 -听着I may have exaggerated the size... kahuna I was. 关于当大佬的事我有点言过其实I may not... 我可能technically have been a kahuna. 严格意义上来说都没当过大佬I was shy, and I spent most of my time... 我那时很怯懦大多时间我都是on the bench. 坐在学校长椅上But you always made it sound like you-- 可你一直说得好像自己当时很...Oh, I know what I made it sound like. 我知道自己吹成什么样People didn't expect much from me, 人们都觉得我不会有大出息and, um... 还有they certainly didn't expect me 他们肯定没想到to end up with... somebody like you. 我会和你这样的美人走到一起So this is all about you 所以你只是把我当成个parading me around like a trophy? 奖杯抱过去耀武扬威是吗Yes. 没错Why didn't you say so? 你干嘛早不讲I can be a trophy! 做奖杯扮花瓶我可最在行Come on. We need to get this up to pebble beach. 好啦赶紧把这个尤物带去卵石滩吧Manny! We're leaving! Get ready! 曼尼出发啦快收拾一下Oh, good. If we get out of here in the next ten minutes, 太棒了我们十分钟内离开的话we don't have to pay for the second hour. 就只用付一个小时的房费How you doing there, sport? 玩得怎么样啊开跑车的- I'm sorry. - That's okay. -真抱歉 -没事啦Thanks. 多谢So... 那Whatcha doing all the way up here? 跑这么远来做什么Did someone snap? 是不是生气啦A little. Yeah. 没错有一点I was mad at you for buying that stupid sports car. 就因为你买那辆破跑车I knew it! 我就知道And I was wrong. 但我错了It's a great car. God, I had the best day. 这车太棒了一整天都棒极了Phil, I did cartwheels. 菲尔我还做了侧手翻Without me? 不带我吗Yeah. 对Hey, did you know there's a girl with a crush on Luke? 你知道有小姑娘喜欢上咱家卢克了吗- Olivia. - Yeah. -奥利维亚吧 -对Oh, and Haley's totally done with Corey. 海莉跟科里彻底玩完了That's new. 这我倒不知道Alex is teaching herself Chinese 艾丽克斯在自学汉语so she'll be useful when they finish buying us. 等回头中国把咱全部收购后可以派上用场She's so weird. 她就是个怪小孩I really want to be able to drive the kids around. 我真的很想驾车带孩子们四处逛逛I need a bigger car for work. I made a mistake. 我本该买个大点的车上班用是我错了No, you didn't. You bought it for a reason. 你没犯错你买它是有原因的When did we stop coming to the beach? 为什么咱们后来就不到海边来了I think it was when Alex 好像是从艾丽克斯started printing out water quality reports. 绘制水质报告开始的She'll be China's problem soon. 以后该头痛的就是中国了[来研究食品质量吧]You know... 你知道吗。

Okay, everybody. Cake time!Thank god. I really have to study.Oh, sweetheart, can't you just take a minute to enjoy it? It's your birthday.You put too much pressure on yourself.I remember my sweet 16.I wanted a theme party."Moonstruck" had just come out, but I hadn't, so --No stories, no time --S.A.T.s.Here we go, everybody.Wait, wait.We all know why we're here.- Ay, honey, you missed one. - I know!I know I missed one! I'm not an idiot!There! Happy?!- You're being a little... - Obstreperous?! Recalcitrant?! Truculent?!I was gonna say "Cray-cray."Alex, sweet...I really need to focus!There is a 16-year-old science prodigystudying cancer research at Johns Hopkins!16! What am I doing?!I'm eating cake!No, no, no.Cake! Cake! Cake!Alex might be a little bit fragile after last night,so let's try to be sensitive.Oh, believe me -- I am going to benothing but nice to Alex from now on.If she snaps and goes on a rampage,who do you think she's coming for first?She's not going on a rampage.I bet she'd let me live. She likes me.I'm just gonna say it -- I never trusted her.Oh, everybody just be normal.We're gonna treat her exactly the way we usually do. And there she is.- Hi, pretty girl. - How'd you sleep?- Fine. - Your hair looks super-soft, Al.And is that a great new sweater? Love!Dad, can you hand me the butter knife?No!Haley, Luke, upstairs, please.Thank you.Thanks.So, about my meltdown.- Who? - What meltdown?I want to see a therapist. I did some research.Dr. Gregory Clark -- highly recommended, specializes in teenagers, and is covered by our insurance.I booked a double session with him today.And since you guys have the open house,I will be taking the bus.- Okay. - That sounds good.She's like a self-cleaning oven.Check it out.I'm rockin' the old school for the open house today.I'm gonna put the "Fizz" back in "Phys Ed."I'm gonna put the "Fizz" back in "Phys Ed."I love it -- all of it.- Really? - Yeah.Because I want to make a good impression today.I want to be the teacher all the parents are talking about. Well, that explains the socks.What?There's a caste system at school --Academic teachers at the top, gym teachers at the bottom. It's offensive and disrespectful.They treat us like we're lunch ladies.Hey, there, neighbor.- It's Asher, right? - Yeah.Um, I just wanted to let you know --I think there might be something- wrong with your air conditioner. - Oh, really?Yeah, I mean, it just seems to be running a lot,even when it's, uh, kind of cool outside.No, no.Um, my partner runs a little hot.Not as hot as our planet.Sorry. I don't mean to be that guy.It's just, um, we're all in this together.Yeah, I drive a Prius, so...And that's a nice little gesture.My car runs on reclaimed cooking oil.I have some literature, if you want it.That's okay. Save the paper.I haven't printed anything since 2004.I was gonna e-mail you.On your power-hungry computer?My entire house is solar-powered.I sell energy back to the gridand use that money to save polar bears.I'm an environmental lawyer,so, you know, I'm pretty green.So is your lawn.I went drought-tolerant --Succulents, indigenous plants, rock garden.My other daddy says your yard looks like a litter box. She's a cute kid.I remember when she was in disposable diapers.Are you ready?Yeah.Why do you look like that when I look like this?My friends say it's because of your money.No, I'm just saying why is she all dressed upfor a school open house?I want to impress Manny's history teacher.I want Manny to go to Washington, D.C.Yeah, Junior Congress.Only one kid in the whole grade gets picked to go.I think I can make a difference.Regular Congress can't even make a difference.Don't worry, Manny. I have it covered.You just go and enjoy your date.I have a date. It's no big deal.D-don't make a whole thing about it.What did I do with my car keys?I mean, we're just friends now,but I have a good feeling.I know -- don't get ahead of myself.Every time I put them down.What is her name?Either Zoe or Piper.How can you be going on a date and you don't know her name? This is where it gets interesting.I seriously doubt that.A few days ago, we almost let a girl come between us.- Who is she? - The new girl.- She's pretty. - Super-pretty.Dibs.What?! N-no. You can't call dibs.She's a human being with feelings,not the front seat.Then a miracle happened.Twins -- each as pretty as the other.It's funny -- Luke and I don't usuallygo for the same kind of girl.Yeah. I like to describe my type as "Gettable".What are you doing, Tucker?Oh, hey, Principal Brown.Do you know how other teachers drone on and onto parents with their boring lectures?Well, I thought I would go another way.Oh. Well, I don't like the sound of that at all.I think you will.I'm gonna spice things up with a spirited game of dodgeball. Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no.Okay, before you say "No"...I already said "No."...let me show you my whole bit.Howdy, folks.My name's Tucker.I'm the Sheriff of Dodge...ball."Laugh, laugh, laugh."And then --No, no "then." No.Have you seen the shape some of these folks are in? We don't need a parent dropping dead in here. Look, this is the "Dolphin Den."I am not renaming itthe Harvey K. Mandelbaum memorial gym.But I was gonna divide everybody up intoBut I was gonna divide everybody up intothe Hatfield and McCoys.Just no dodgeball.Hello, Mr. Ingram.I am Gloria Delgado-Pritchett,Manny's mother.Yes, of course.I just wanted to thank you so much.He thinks the world of you.You know, as a child of an immigrant,he can look at the world with such a fresh perspective. And talking about fresh,I brought you some empanadas.Subtle.Hey, Phil. Where's Claire?Oh, she's going to Alex's classes.I'm doing Luke's.I'm surprised to see you here.Isn't your team playing today?Yeah. Gloria made me come.I think I'm recording the game,but, you know, you can never know.The last time, I got six hours of Bravo.And who knows?Maybe Manny's going to be the first Latino President. Hello, Mr. Ingram.Dr. Donna Duncan,Wesley's mom.Just brought you a little thank-youfor being his absolute favorite teacher ever.- Those cupcakes are so white. - Thank you.Dr. Donna Duncan.I'm Gloria.We've met several times.Oh, of course.Mario's mom.Manny.And how is he fitting in now? Better? Anyway...Here she is.You brought a flask to an open house?You want some? It's Scotch.No. Put it away.Don't be such a goody-goody.Taste it. It's older than you are.- I don't want any scotch. - Well, just smell it.- Fine. - Mr. Dunphy, is that a flask?No. It is. It I--Uh, I was -- it's his.No, it's not.For the record, no alcohol is allowed on school premises. For god's sake, Phil,it's 2:00 in the afternoon.So, Alex, tell me why you're here.I had a little meltdown last night,and I'm afraid it'll happen again.But, this time, in the middle of the S.A.T or something. Why do you think you melted down?I'm stressed.It's my junior year.Part of me feels likethe limbic system in my brain's a bit off.That's a thing, right? I did some research.You know I charge the sameeven if you diagnose yourself?I'm just trying to move this along.I have a lot to do.Well, uh, this is a process.You know, it takes some time.What -- what are you thinking?- Nothing. - No, no. Go ahead. Tell me.That maybe you're not up for this.I mean, no offense.You're just a lot older than you look on your website.Did you even have S.A.T.s when you were in high school or Asian kids?Oh, no. no, no, no.But there were other things I worried about --Spanish inquisition,sailing off the edge of the world,learning how to understand fire.Sorry.- You mind if we try something? - What?Just do me a favor.Take a deep breath.Great.Now... what's on your mind?Well... I just remembered that I forgotto charge my computer before I leftand that I have to get new index cards before Monday. Hopefully they don't run out of the blue ones,because, for some reason, those help me study better. Maybe it's because they're easier to reador maybe my prescription's getting worse.I should probably make an appointment with the eye doctor. Also, should I get a job this summeror would an internship look better on my application? And what is up with Hillary?Is she going to run or not?I mean, I feel like she'd totally understandthe feeling of being overwhelmed,but also like you're not doing enough at the same time. Hey, Nina, how's Sanjay?Oh, great. Thanks.He's just dealing with the S.A.T.s and the A.C.T.s. And that merit scholarship applicationeveryone's so stressed about.What -- what application?Let's begin by talking about the A.P. Physics test, which, as you know, takes place on...May 21st.With Luke and Haley,I'm on top of everything because they aren't.But Alex is so self-sufficient,I just sort of put it in cruise control.I've fallen asleep at the wheel,and now my little genius is covered in cake.Now, a list of practice tests I recommendthe students take before then3a, 4c, 12a through "f,"18d, 19a, 23c,24g, 25h, 26a...Meanwhile, a great artist like Bob Dylanwould get voted off in the first round, which --If you wet the end,it will stick to his face.You're a genius.Piper, that's rude.You know, Manny, in chorus,we sing "Blowin' in the wind."Now that's blowin' in the wind.You're funny, Luke.Manny and I need to use the restroom.We do?You've got to switch with me.What? No, we can't do that.They're twins. They'll never notice.You realize we're not twins, right?Special dollhouse delivery for Lily!It's here, it's here!I think you're going to love it.I spent so many hours playing with this when I was your age. Yeah, me too.Hey, quick, turn off your car.Why? It's in park, I think.I have a judgey green neighbor.He had the nerve to come over hereand tell me that I'm not green enough.Shut up! You're super-green.Thank you. I'm -- I'm recycling a dollhouse.I even recycled a child.- Didn't you win some award? - Yes, yes.The state bar association award for sustained excellencein the field of environmental...yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the one.w. There was one word left.You didn't have to cut me off.Dollhouse, please.Okay. Yeah, in a minute.You know what you should do?March right over thereand wave that trophy in his stupid eco face.No. You think?Yes. Those people are so annoying.There's this girl at my schoolwho was all over me about my boots 'cause they're leather. Meanwhile, she's wearing Crocs,like those aren't endangered.You know what? I am gonna do that.Show him to out-green me.- Okay. Oh, no. - Oh, no.All right, those are blowing into his yard.That is -- okay, that's definitely gonna hurt my case. Uh, you pick these up.I'm gonna go get the trophy. Lily, help her.I heard that "recycled child" comment.Thanks to your little flask,now the teacher thinks I'm a burnout.Football game.Football game!- What are you doing? - You can do this now.I saw it in a commercial.Not with that phone.You might as well say it into your wallet.Come on. We're gonna be late for math.I'm not going to any more boring classes.You're just gonna cut?No,I'm just not gonna go because I'm in my 60s. Teacher's lounge.They got a TV in here.- We can't go in the teacher's lounge. - Why not?- Um, it's for teachers only. - You're a teacher.Right now, you're teaching me how to be a little bitch. Jay, don't. Jay.Jay!So, when do you think you'll be making your decision? Oh, sometime in the next week or so.Oh, take your time. It would be rude to rush you.Not as rude as interrupting two peoplein the middle of a conversation.Well, actually, I'll go.I'm gonna go grab some coffee.Good idea because those cupcakes look very dry.Okay. This is unbelievable.They just gave me four books on applying to top colleges. When am I gonna have time to read all this?Oh, my gosh. I'm so sorry.I didn't see you there. Come on, girls.Oh, she's so mean.- Everybody sees me. - Who was that?Dr. Dooda Dada.She thinks that she can flirt her son all the way to Washington, but I'm gonna take her down.I would love to chat, but I got to get to A.P. Calc.Physical education is a critical part of every school day.As we develop the mind, so we must the body.This begins with good nutrition, uh, physical activity, sportsmanship, and attention to personal hygiene.No, please, please, please don't go.I know this is boring, but this isn't my idea.I wanted to play a spirited game of dodgeball, but --That sounds fun. I'll play dodgeball.I'll play, too.Anything's got to be better than this.Oh, well, you know what?We're really not supposed to, but you know what?Hey, guys, listen to this. My name's Cam.I'm the sheriff of Dodge...ball.Okay, you guys are the Hatfields.You are the McCoys.Mr. Mandelbaum, I'd like you to stay seated. You're gonna be our referee.All right, everybody, let's dodgeball! Dodgeball was a smash.Dr. Donna and Gloria were like two assassins just picking off their victims one by one. Okay, last two dodgeballers.Are you ready?Yes.Are you ready?Yes!Oh, I'm so sorry.I'm going to kill you!Gloria, Gloria, Gloria, don't!Ow! My eye! I don't understand you!So, you like theater,and you just put this fake thumb in our fries. Yep.I'm gonna go out on a limb hereand say we're with the wrong people.Let's just switch dates and get this party started. What? We don't want to switch.Yeah. I'm not attracted to you.And I'm not attracted to you.Wait a minute.We like all the same things, but you don't think I'm cute?I've got a thing for Latin men.I like 'em dumb.- Ugh. Well, that's just offensive. - And shallow.Just because we're guys doesn't mean we don't have feelings. Yeah. I don't feel good about this.It makes me feel...bad.Come on, Luke. Let's get out of here.Our parents aren't home.If you want, we'll make out with you.I'm not proud of what happened next.I am.He's not home.How's the cleanup going?Well, I think I got most of them.You've been at this a while.How come you only have like eight peanuts?Instead of carrying them around,I made a huge pile right over th--- Again?! - Geez. They're everywhere.Oh, god. No! Bird!Aah! Oh, no!Oh, no! No, no, no, no, no!Oh, no! What is that smell?!It smells like french fries!It's biodiesel. Can you plug it up?- Oh, what? With what? Popcorn? - Oh, geez. Oh, god.No! My boots! This is a disaster!Save the seals!What -- what -- what -- what the hell?What did you do?Uh, I won a green award.That's what.You think you can get this thing to work?Hey, you're supposed to be the lookout.What if somebody walks in?Gee, they'll call my parents.Hey! Look! You did it!Yeah, it's not that big of a deal.Listen, I'm gonna get back to class.Before you go, let me ask you a question.How do you know how to do all this stuff?Back in high school, I was in the A.V. Club.We did all kinds of crazy things.One year, we hid a microphone in the gym.We could totally hear everything that was going on at prom.I used to make fun of guys like you.This is pretty cool.Really?You think this is cool...First down! All right.Best open house ever.It's all gravy when you're in the A.V.Admit it -- doesn't it feel goodto break a few rules,take a walk on the wild side?- You're welcome. - No, you're welcome.I'm the one who set this whole thing up.Let's just say we make a good team.To us.There he goes. There he goes.Come on, come on! Come on!Come on! Yeah!I've been like this for as long as I can remember. Can you give me an example?Well, when I was little,I was in a spelling team at schooland I really wanted to win.I don't know why. There was no prize.No one cared.My parents didn't even know I was in it.I just felt this weight on my shoulders,like if I lost, I'd...I don't know.- I just had to win. - And did you?Yep. Know what the winning word was? Responsibility.Is that what you feel?A responsibility to win all the time?To always be the best?That's one way to put it.And this responsibility -- where does it come from? I'm not sure. It's just...there.So it's an internal pressure.Kind of.I mean, once you start overachieving,people expect things from you.Like what people?You know, the world...Teachers, parents, other kids.It's not all internal.Don't get me wrong.I like the way I'm wired.It's what's going to get me into a good school.It's what makes me who I am.And how is that -- being who you are?I don't know.Mostly good.A little exhausting.Sometimes hard.I guess there's your answer.It's hard being me.Tell me a little more about your family.They're pretty normal, I guess.I'm not like any of them,- But that doesn't really bother me. - Ever?Only when they say things like "Alex, you study too much" or "Don't freak out" or "Go do something fun."So, your siblings--they don't experience the same pressures you do.Oh, god, no. They don't care about school.Hmm. Why do you think that is?I mean, you all grew up in the same housewith the same parents, yet you're the only onewho feels this enormous pressureto achieve at such a high level.Why do we even have to talk about my family?They don't have anything to do with this.They don't get me.How's that feel?- I don't know. - You're a smart girl.- Try a little harder. - I said I don't know.I feel...kind of alone.I realize our juniors are busy with SATs, so as a rule,I only give two hours of homework a night.- Two hours? - Our students are highly advanced.It's nothing they can't handle.You know, I'm-- I'm sure they can.It's just that if they have two hours in this class and they have an hour for A.P. Bioand an hour and a half for, um, advanced lit and-- hang on one second.Let me just do this on the board,'cause then it's-- um, we got 2 and 1 and 1.5 and then another, uh, hour and a halffor A.P. History-- gives us...- It's 6. - Yes!Nina, I was getting there.Thank you! Thank you so much!If I could just have a second to thinkwithout all the tippy-tappy typing.6.Well, I hope you're happy.You've ruined dodgeball for everyone.She was the one who threw that ball in my face. Only because you threw yourself at Mr. Ingram. Okay, ladies, please.Can't you see what's going on here?You both just want what's best for your kids.I need to get this trip for Wesley.I'm tired of him being so mad at me all the time. Why is he mad?Oh, he blames me for the divorce.His father will always be the hero.It's hard to blame someone who's never there.Now, can't you relate to that?It will get better.Kids always figure out who's really there for them. Again, we're very sorry about the projector.I'll send a check on Monday.- Hi, honey. - I got in trouble.Whatever she did, add it to my tab.- All right, let's do this. - No. No, no, no.Not you two, just you. Come on, sheriff.Oh, hey, honey. How did it go?Good. And I made another session for next week.How was the open house?Wow. So intense.I had no idea the kind of pressure you're under. Honey, I was just you for two hours.I could barely hold it together.I don't know how you don't have a meltdown every day. - I... - Oh, honey.Sweetie, what? Did I say something?Yes.Thank you.Okay.Okay.Okay.Again, I am so sorry.I-I guess, in retrospect, it was a little crazythat I wanted to show you my state bar association award. Stop.And it's possible I come on a little too strong.No. No, no.I like to think that I'm greener than I am,but maybe I just want the creditwithout doing all the hard work that you do.Well, you're right-- it is hard,but, you know, it's also alienating.You know, no one wants to be friends with me.I-I can't tell you the last timeI had people over for dinner,which is probably a good thing.You know, with solar power,it takes four days to roast a chicken.- Really? - If you want it cooked all the way through, yeah. You know I had salmonella three times?If you want to come over to our house for dinner,- we kind of owe you. - You can play with my dollhouse. Yeah?Does it made from sustainable materials?Forget it.。

Councilwoman Dunphy, how do you respondto allegations that you look super sexy in your new suit?Uh, I haven't been elected yet.Come on, kids! We gotta vote!- Honey, come on. Please stop filming. - I'm just excited!After today, you are going to be a councilwoman,and I am going to be a first husband.And if you don't stop filming,you're going to be my first husband.All right, everybody, come on!Do you know what you're doing, kids?You guys are manning the phone banks.Alex, you're in charge of that.Wh-why is she in charge? And what's--what's a phone bank? That's why.- Phil. - I got it.I will be driving 50 of our finest senior citizens to the polls, assuming, of course, that they remember that I'm coming for them. - Where you at? - High-five.Old people occasionally forget things.Okay. All right, everybody, let's go. Let's go.Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Real quick!Sorry. Everybody get in there. Jump in there.I just want to say how proud of you we all are.You're an inspiration.Who would have thought that 20 years agowhen you were still in the bloom of your youth--Okay, I'm gonna go start the car.Claire likes to win.When she was 8, a little girl scout friend of hersbragged she could sell the most cookies.Damn if Claire didn't walk the neighborhoodtill she got blisters on her feet and won by ten boxes.Best part isClaire wasn't even a girl scout.The choice is Claire!Vote Claire Dunphy for town council.Aw, I love it!- What do you think, huh? - I love it.We got it on Craigslist.Came off a taco truck.- It did. - I love that you're doing this for me.- Thank you! - You're welcome.I know how important winning is to Claire.And I love to festoon things.We're her dream team.So we cleared the whole day, dropped Lily off at school, and voted first thing.Although, uh, one of us had a bit of a dimpled chad situation. Can you tell me how this machine works again, Chad? Oh, sure. No problem.Just wanna look in here. Just--Thank you. Thank you.- Bye! Bye!- Thank you, guys!I can see Clairely now that Duane is gone.Bye! Thank you! Oh, my gosh.Okay, everybody, get in the car. Let's go. Let's go. Good luck today, Claire.Oh, Laurie, thank you.Hey, by the way, we have some really good news.- What's that? - Becky got into the University of Oregon. Oh, congratulations!Any news, Haley?Uh, uh, no, not-- not yet,but, you know, super psyched!This whole waiting-to-hear thing has been a nightmare since the very first letter.I'm too nervous. I can't do it."Dear miss Dunphy,we regret to inform you..."What?! Don't leave me hanging!After that, I decided to only tell my parents good news.I have one school left,and the only good news I've gottenis that my annoying neighbor Beckyis moving back east to Oregon.- Manny, write this down. - I didn't bring a pen. Election day is America at its finest.The people speak, and the government listens.I don't know what they do in Colombia.No one does, and don't ask.I mean, we know that voting's a privilege,but for my daughter to have her name on that ballot,it just means so much more--You know what? I think I'm gonna vote later.What? Where are you going?Ah, the line is too long.It's only three people! And nobody has a gun!It's only three people! And nobody has a gun!We're here, we're Claire,get used to it!You know, I'm not sure if that's tracking.Here, let me try one.You don't have to be Clairevoyant to know who to vote for. Vote Dunphy for town council.Uh, uh, uh, Claire Dunphy.Uh, C-Caire's her first name.I'm sorry if that wasn't Claire.Oh, my God. Look at that. There's a trash can right there, and that guy just threw his paper on the sidewalk.Hey! You in the yellow jacket.Pick it up and put it in the trash.- Oh, my God. He did it. - Yes, he did.Ooh, here. Let me try one.I'll try...Hey, dragon tattoo, no jaywalking!oh, my gosh.This is an instrument of power.How could they not sell tacos?You know what we could do with this thing?Cam, we could really make a difference.We could be the voice of change.Ooh, I got it!Let's go yell at the dry cleaner that lost my shirt. Come on, gang.Today is the Dunphys at their best.I'm from the "Weekly Saver." Mind if I ask you- a couple questions about the big election? - Not at all. Fire away.Who are you voting for today?Claire Dunphy.Finally. I've been waiting for someone to say that name. Why?Uh... Because I am Claire Dunphy.Oh, sorry. They moved me over from ad sales.We take turns reporting.How do you feel about your chances today?Not as good as I did a few minutes ago.No, she feels great.Um, her spirits are high. The whole family's high.- There's your headline. - Phil, no.Uh, how about a photo of all of you?- Yeah. Sure. Yes. - Mom, mom, mom. Tag.- Tag's still on. - Oh, my Goodness.Thank you.That would have been a really awkward picture. Okay. No!What is that?Is that a tooth?- Ew! - Awesome!How old are you? No!- Do it again! - How does that even happen?It's a-a fake tooth from an old ice-skating injury.- It just fell out. - Oh, my gosh. Why today?!- What about the... - Let's not overreact.- Let's--let me see it. - Okay. All right.Got it. Thanks.What happened back there?Line was too long. I couldn't wait.I've seen you wait 45 minutes in line for sherbet! Well, I happen to like sherbet, okay?That place I take youhas the greatest sherbet on the west coast.They got lime sherbet, they got coconut sherbet.Why are we talking about sherbet?He's clearly changing the subject.Why aren't you in school?He's doing it again.Manny's right. You're being very ardilla.- "Ardilla"? - Yeah, you know, the--The one that--that--- Rabbit? I was being rabbit-y? - No, another one- With the cheeks and the tail and... - Chipmunk?- Possum? -Okay, obviously she means squirrel.You were being squirrely then,- You're being squirrely now. - Better than being a rat. Manny, give us a minute.Oh, sure. I served him up on a silver platter.What?All right, it's no big deal.There was a woman working there.I didn't want her to see me.- Who is she? - Her name is Dottie.She's the first woman I dated after my divorce.You dated a Dottie after Dede?Y-you're focusing on the wrong thing here.The--the point is it ended badly.I tried to let her down easy, but, uh,she didn't take it too well.Actually, I don't know how she took it,'cause I wasn't there.We dated a few weeks, then after we... You know,I slipped out of her house before she woke upand never called her again.Put my pants on in her yard, put the car in neutral,let it roll down the driveway, lights off.Hey, I can't talk about this anymore.So because of this woman,you didn't vote for your daughter?It's Claire! We need her to win!I don't want to be around when something that tight comes unraveled. I'll figure out something.Maybe those poll workers take shifts.Stop hiding in your little cave like a--Like, you know. Like the-- the--the--- I really don't wanna do this again. - No, the--No. No. The big one, like, uh, the monster furry one.Ay, why can't I remember any animal names?Climb aboard the Dunphy Express.Next stop--democracy.- Well--no, no... - Please don't go.I won't do that anymore. I promise.Oh. Uh, we need to make a quick stop.I gotta pick up my new glasses.No can do. I, uh...I got a lot of people waitin', so...It'll just take two minutes.I can't even see the ballot without my glasses.I mark the wrong box,next thing you know I'll be married to a guy.Yeah, I-- I don't think it's mandatory, Walt.I'm a good dancer. They'll come for me.Oh, yeah.They will break all your buttons...and say you brought it in that way.Okay, go, go, go!Turns out we had a lot of axes to grind.And a hybrid, so there was virtually no stopping us. Do not see that movie!You will neither laugh nor cry!"Best pizza in the city"?Not even the best pizza on this street.They do not do the hair of the people on those pictures! "Totally free checking"?Don't bank on it!Okay, that was really fun,But now we gotta go back to campaigning for Claire. We've been saying that for two hours.Yes, but now I-I really mean it.- Oh, my god, there's Sandy! - Sandra Bullock? Yeah, Sandra Bullock.We're such good friends, I call her "Sandy," So... No, Sandy who works at Lily's preschool.- Right there. - Oh, yeah.- You know, she got engaged. - No!- To the gay boyfriend? - Totally.Oh, how does she not see it?If I was with somebody that gorgeous,I'd overlook a few quirks, too.First of all, thank you.Second of all...point well taken.I don't know. Poor Sandy. I feel so bad for her.- Well, it's better than being alone. - Is it?She's looking over here.- Oh, my god. - Mitchell, you're sitting on the button.What? No--no, I'm not. No, I'm not!The--it's stuck!And you're the one that had it last- when you were talking to the cheese shop! - Because you know what? If you advertise truffle cheese,- there are certain expectations... - Hi, Sandy.Yeah, I'm calling on behalf of Claire Dunphy.- What a beautiful name. - She used to be a citizen.I'm calling on behalf of Claire Dunphy for town council.All right. How about this?if you vote for Claire Dunphy...You won't have to pay taxes for the rest of your life.Vote for Claire!Luke! What are you doing?You can't say that!Oh, like she'd be the first politicianto make a promise she can't keep.Well, maybe I don't want to talk to you, either. Maybe you are the one that is bothering me!How do you like that? Eh?Gloria, I'm gonna have to ask you againto please stick to your script.But everybody's saying no to me!I don't get it.Usually when I ask someone to do something,they just do it!Maybe it's because these people can't see you.I don't like it.Can't you just hook me up to some sort of camera? Well, thank you, Maggie, for the vote.Okay. Bye-bye.Here's your seat.Thank you. Um, you'll have to excuse me.I'm a little nervous. I've never been on the radio before. Don't worry about it.- Just think of it as a conversation. - Okay.Here are your headphones. Volume control.- Don't get too far from the mike. - Okay.Make sure your cell phone's off.Oh. Cell phone. Right. Um...And you're not chewing gum, are you?No, I'm not. I just had some temporarydental work done.The last thing I need--And welcome back to "A matter of record."I'm Cecil Van Gundy.Joining us now in studio is district 43town council candidate Claire Dunphy.Thank you, Cecil.It's a pleasure to be here.So... You're a first-time candidate.Tell us what got you involved.It all started with a, um...With a stop sign.I was concerned about safety in our neighbourhood and I was not getting any satisfaction from city hall. What's wrong with mom?Oh, this isn't good.She sounds drunk!That's not her drunk voice.Tell us about some of the other issues facing our town. Where do you stand on the city'ssewage and sustainability initiative,the so-called S.S.I.?One cannot really talk abouts-s-sewage and sustainabilitywithout first discussing... recycling.This city can do more...- What the hell's wrong with her? - with the recycling program... She sounds drunk!- ...currently... - It's a tooth thing.What's wrong?Oh, I'm almost out of air. Oh, boy.Is that serious?Is oxygen serious?You know what? I lost a ton of time getting your glasses.I'm just gonna drop you at home.You can get your air. I can drive other people.I don't have any more tanks at home.Why? That seems like bad planning.Well, I forgot to order them.My pills make me forget things.Oh, shoot! I gotta take my pill!Please tell me you have it with you.Of course I do, but I have to take 'em with food.- Don't I? - Are you asking me?Uh, yes! I do take them with food!Ooh. I don't feel so well.Okay, I'll get you whatever you want!I'll get you the air, I'll get you the food.Then I'll vote for your drunk wife.That is not her drunk voice!Thank you so much for voting.We appreciate it.Hi. I'm terribly sorry. Excuse me. Jay Pritchett. Uh, can I get in-- in and out really quick?Thank you. This is all I needed.Thank you very much. Thank you very much.All right. Claire, Claire, Claire.Claire, Claire-- ahh, ahh. Here.I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!Hello, Dottie!Jay! It's so nice to see you!- Is it? - Oh, why wouldn't it be?That was a long time ago. Water under the bridge. - We're good. - Oh, that's great.Thank you so much for voting.You remember my daughter Claire. She's--She's running for town council.- Oh, isn't that neat? - Yeah, I'm so proud.So you're gonna put it in there, huh?Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah. Definitely.cause every vote counts, you know.Thank you so much for voting.- You know... - Yeah.Boy, I'd sure like to see the sweet sightof my vote... counting.Why would I say I'd do something and not do it? That would make me a liar...instead of a trusting widowWho fell asleep in the warm embraceof a man who promised to make breakfast.Okay, here it is.Look, I am so sorry.You were the first woman I'd been with besides my ex--35 years.I panicked.An-and it wasn't 'cause y-you weren't pretty nakedor anything like that.I'd have run from Angie Dickinson.- Oh, lucky her. - Dottie--- Good-bye, Jay! - Dottie, Dottie, please.I'm just trying to get my ballot in the box.oh, yeah, that sounds familiar.Yeah, but you don't have to do anything.Just let me put it in!Uhh. Shouldn't have said that.We are so sorry.We did not mean for you to hear any of that.Yes, and you know what?We shouldn't have been gossiping in the first place. But what if you're right?What if Gregory is gay?When my mom said it, I didn't believe her.She lives in Iowa.But coming from you two!- Means nothing. - No.We barely know your fiance.- If he says he's straight, he's straight. - Mm. Straight. We're getting married in a month.People are flying in.He signed us up for dance classes.Oh, my god!No. No, no, no. Hey.- This is what gays do. - Yeah.- We gossip. - We gossip a lot.He gossips!No. No. You're missing the point, okay?We see a great-looking guy like Gregory,and we say he's gay because we want him to be gay! - Really? Really? Are you sure? - Yes. Yes. Absolutely. Look at what we do with movie stars. Okay.You know? Hugh Jackman-- he sings, he dances,He's dreamy!So obviously we would want him on our team!- Yeah. - But he's straight.Trust me, I know.I said hello to him once in a restaurant,and there was absolutely no chemistry.Well, if that isn't proof...Three weeks later, Sandy and Gregory got married,and everyone said the wedding was beautiful.Gregory did the flowers....Which is perfectly normal for a straight guy.The Greeks do one thing right, and it's lamb!All right. Let's go vote.Why the hell does your wife want to be a politician, anyway? You heard her. She wanted to put upa stop sign at Bristol and Greenleaf,But then she ran into--Wait, wait, wait!That's near where I live!Yeah. We're neighbors. Let's go!No way I'm voting for that!Too much government already.I didn't fight a war so some politiciancould tell me where I have to stop my car.You don't even drive!That's 'cause that Barack Obama took my license away.I don't think he was involved in the decision!I left the house today to get 50 votes for my wife.I'm not going home with zero.The least you can do is walk right in thereand punch a hole for the womanwho drags your garbage can up your driveway every Tuesday!I don't like it! Goes against everything I believe in.Really? A stop sign?!But I'll do it, 'cause you're a good kid.And I had a nice day...till you started yelling at me.So sorry. Thank you.Here you go.You know, my wife was an alcoholic, too.Okay. Let's just go vote.That's veteran political reporterWalter Shapiro.Hi, everyone!- Any news? - Not yet, not yet,But even if I lose, at least now I knowI have a future in radio.I couldn't. People need to see me.Before we get the results, I just want to thank you all for everything you've done for me.Mitch and Cam, for campaigning for me all dayin your little Claire-mobile.- It's the least we could do. - Yeah.Literally.We probably did more for Hugh Jackman's career than we did for Claire's.And, Manny and Gloria,thank you for making all those phone calls.And, dad...for all your support.I don't think I convinced anyone to vote for Claire.I don't think I even voted.And my husband...who drove aroundI don't know how many senior citizens today to the polls.One.And my beautiful children,whose faith has given me the confidenceto believe that I can do this.I can--oh.- Somebody else answer it. I lost. - Mom. Mom.- I can feel it. I-- - Mom.You can do it. Mom. Answer the phone.Hello?This is she.Thanks so much for calling.Bye-bye.I have some bad news.Because someone's gonna be busy now that she's a councilwoman? No, no, I wasn't doing that fake thing.- I really lost. I lost. - Ay, no.I'm so sorry. But you know what?We are still just so proud of you.[哀悼克莱尔]Yeah! I-- I don't know about you,But, um... I could use a glass of wine.Ohh. Now you're gonna hear her drunk voice. Mom?You okay?Yes. Fine. I'm good.I'm fine. I'm not fine. I wanted to win,And... and I'm so embarrassed.I mean, everybody out here worked so hard for me, and they believed in me,and I let 'em down.Oh, honey.Oh, sweetheart.Well, don't cry. I'm gonna be fine, sweetie. Really, I am.Just knowing you care so much makes me feel better. No, I got four rejection lettersI never told you guys about.What?I got rejected from U.C.S.B., Oregon, Wisconsin... - Oh, no. - And Northwestern.Well, we were overshooting on that one.What about, uh...It came today. My last chance.I'm too scared to open it.Whatever it says in there,your father and I are crazy proud of you.Okay?I did start trying this year.I know you did. You did.You have nothing to be ashamed of.Neither do you.It's a little bit different.No, it's exactly the same.Except you tried really hard the whole time,not just at the end.You're right.It is the same.We have nothing to be ashamed of...So let's open that together.Yeah, open it.What? No! What are you doing here?No. Come on, haley. We believe in you.Do it!You can always work for me.Come on. You can do it. You can do this.- Come on, Haley. - All right.Open. Open, open, open."Dear Miss Dunphy,We regret to inform you..."Oh, honey."While we cannot offer you admission at this time, "You are a promising candidate, and thereforeWe would like to place you on our wait list!" Oh, my god, I got wait-listed!We will take it!Yeah!Congratulations! Congratulations!Our daughter might be going to college!Phil, look.A stop sign.It's addressed to you."Dear Claire, I won. You lost."Here's your stupid stop sign."Next time you think about bothering me, "Please take its advice.Your councilman, the honorable Duane Bailey." Honey, you did it!I did it.I made our neighborhood a little bit safer.I may have even saved life.You idiot, there's stop sign! Can't you read?we need speed bumps.No, no. No! Honey!。

Okay. I'll -- I'll get that.Hello?Hey, Manny's getting his outfit togetherfor the dance tonight.I was just taking some supplies out to the car.Isn't this exciting -- the boys' first dance?Greatest day of my life.Does Phil have a green pocket square for him?Teal!Teal.I don't know. I don't think Phil'sreally a pocket-square kind of a guy.Why don't we conference in Mitch?Ay! Look. This might work.Well, except that it's turquoise...oh, and a bra?!Do you think the kids in my village had pocket squares? Here we go with the village.- Dad, are you still there? - Unfortunately, yes. Please ask Claire what timedo I need to be at the school to help set up.Gloria wants to know --No, I heard. I heard.Um, tell her thank you so much,but we have all the help we could possibly need,and she doesn't even have to come tonight- if she doesn't want to. - Claire said --I heard.Hello?Oh, hey, Mitch!- Where are you? - Oh, we're at the park.You would not believehow some of these people dress their kids.Lily's friend just pulled a Britney Spearsgetting out of a sandbox car.So, dad's on the line.Do you he a teal pocket square for Manny? Cam, Manny needs a teal pocket square.Oh, I've got teal, I've got aqua, i've got sea foam... - Yeah, Cam's got one. - Cam's got one.Yes!Oh, you know what? I lent it to Andre.Ah. He lent it to Andre.Flag on the play.What's that mean?What's that mean?!Now I got to go to the mall.Is this okay?Oh, hey! Luke has to go to the mall, too. What?Phil.Let's go, Incredible Hulk.Let's go, Incredible Hulk.更多影视更新请登陆 更多影视更新请登陆 更多影视更新请登陆 更多影视更新请登陆 更多影视更新请登陆 更多影视更新请登陆 更多影视更新请登陆 Uh, is that ur little girl over there -- Lily? - Yes. Look at her. - Yes.Uh, well, this is a little bit awkward,but she bit Tyler.Oh, no.Oh, my goodness.I -- I don't even know what to say.She's never done anything like that before. How did it happen?I don't know. I didn't see.It's time to play everyone's favorite game. "Let's blame the gay dads"!You know who had straight parents? Adolf Hitler.Charles Manson.- Shall we go on? - Naomi Campbell.I-I know it happened.He's got bite marks on his arm.Oh, gosh, someone really sunk their teeth into you, huh? It's 'cause you're such a yummy little guy!Yes!Our daughter didn't do that.- But he said -- - Right.He's probably just confused.You know who I bet did it, though?Billy. Rhymes with Lily.Plus, he is very aggressive.His babysitter's right over there.She's -- she's not much of a disciplinarian.Because I can assure you,if our child did something like this,if our child did something like this,we would be on her like white on rice.And I know that sounds a little bit like a racial slur, because we're white and she presumably likes rice,but I didn't intend it that way.Ah. Finally. There's a spot.Guys, I am just bursting with pride right now.Your first dance.Soon you're gonna be men.I want you to know there's more to be a manthan just shopping for fancy outfits.Yep. Pretty soon, you get some hair on your chest,you start answering the phone,people don't think you're ladies.Come on, today, Miss Daisy.Actually, Miss Daisy was the one being driven, not the one driving.Never saw it.It's called "Driving Miss Daisy".You got a real lip on you today. You know that? Hey! That was our spot!What are you doing?You're gonna let him snake your spot?Not worth it.Boys, here's the only thing you got to know about being a man --never let someone take what is yours.Unless it's just a parking spotand there's plenty of others.That's sweet, Phil. You ought to write that down. You got any lipstick in your purse?I love Jay. Are you kidding me?He's my boy.Yeah, he gives me a hard time,but that's the deal with a father-in-law.The key is,I never let him see just how much it devastates me. It's "Dunphy."That's what I said -- "Dumphy."No, not "dumb"."Dunphy"."Dumphy".- Say "done". - Done.- Say "fee". - Fee.- "Done-fee". - "Dumphy".All right, just bring it this way?This way -- there it is.Perfect. Thank you. Perfect.Cla-a-aire?- What? - Can you ask Gus to fix that light?I asked him, but he just growled at me.Oh, gosh. Okay.Gus, stop scaring Bethenny and fix the light, please? Don't make me come over there.I'm busy. You fix it.Is this because I saidi wouldn't come to the dance with you?Gus, I'm a married woman. People would talk.One dance with me, you'd forget all about him. Yeah, I already have a husband who doesn't fix lights. Please?Thank you so much.This school would literally fall apart without you. Well, I don't know about "literally"，but...Ihola, hola! I'm here!Oh, you came anyway.That's great.I think it's great, too.A few weeks ago, they asked for someoneto be in charge of the school dance,and I volunteered.The school asks for volunteersso that everybody will feel included,but who are they kidding?They want me to do it.I've put on every school dance since Haley was 12.It's my thing.They made us co-chairs,which means we're supposed to do everything together, but Claire won't take any of my ideas.She suggested an "Arabian nights" theme.Isn't it a little soon?Okay. Um, hey, everybody?Do you know Gloria, Manny's mom?She's here to help us out today.I'm the co-chair.So, the kids are gonna be here in two hours,so everybody back to work.Everybody back to work.I just said that.And I just co-said it.I mean, the nerve of that lady accusing Lily?Mm. Well, you know what? You can't change people, Cam.I mean, we just have to rise above.What happened?She bit me.Are you serious?Ohh! Ah! She did it again!It's like "Twilight" back here!No! No ice cream for you, Billy,because the lady say you biting!Okay. Okay. Go. Go.- Yeah. - Go, go, go.Drive.Are you sure this is teal?'Cause I'm starting to get a real strong green thing here. That's the fluorescent lights.Do you mind if I walk this over to lamps galore?I need you to worry about this less.Guess who fit into the suit on the mannequinand saved us 20%?Here's something I didn't know about mannequins --they don't have a wiener.What the heck is that?It's a nicer word for "penis".No, I mean, what the heck is this?It's a tie.It's teal.I don't care.I just grabbed the first one I saw.Well, grab a different one.No!Now I like it.Uh, I think we were here first.I just have one thing. I'm in a big rush.So are we.That's fine. Go ahead.Seriously?Jay, it's not a big deal.And can you give me the sale pricesfor some things I bought last week?Oh, for god's sake!Now, this is what i'm talking about, boys.You give people an inch, they'll run all over you. Or you could just be nice -- pay it forward. They don't make movies out of bad ideas.All I know is you got to fight for what you want. If there's one job available,this guy just got it,and they go hungry at the "Dumphys'". "Dunphys'".Okay, I don't get it. Why is she biting?Lily, why are you biting?She's not biting. She's teething.On people!All right, if she starts biting her play dates,she's gonna be a pariah.Try "piranha".Really, cam?It was right there.All right, you should also know that I in no way --in no way -- blame you.- Well, thank you. Why would you blame me? - I don't. Well, good, because I don't blame you.Well, obviously.Uh, okay, well, now I'm starting to feel the blame. No. No. Don't -- it's...it's just that you're with her all day.I have a daughter who bites and a partner who stings. Okay. Okay, you want to know the truth? Sometimes you've sent her some mixed signals.I'm gonna bite your feet!I'm gonna bite 'em right off!Oh, I'm not the one who uses my teeth like a multi-tool. Here we go. Cookies for Lily......and wine for us.Okay.I can't believe you would equate --Oh, don't bite my head off.I'm not a pack of batteries.Un poquito mas aca. Es perfecto all.Ay, good. Bellissimo.Why is this box here?!I am sorry -- we did,because we were moving the tables.Well, why are you moving the tables?So the kids have more space to dance.It's better this way.Is it really, Gloria?Because right now it kind of just looks likea clump of tables and a big open space. Look, I'm sorry,but we've always done it this way,and I think it's gonna throw people offif you move them around.Oh, my god, these tables look great!Who did this?I did!I love it!Hello.We haven't been properly introduced.- I'm Gloria. - I'm Bethenny.I don't know if anybody's ever told you this, but you're really pretty.No. No, Bethenny. No one's ever told her that.I am seriously freaking outabout these tables!You know what? Let's just put a pin in where we're gonna put the tables. Yes, we're keeping the tables!So what else can I do?Um...you can...help me with the chairs.Okay.We need a lot of them.They're under the stage right...here. There you go.It's like dirty and dark there, no? Yeah, I know. Bummer, right?Off you go.Smells funny, Claire!So sorry. Keep goin'!What?We needed chairs.We needed chairs.We needed chairs.We needed chairs.We needed chairs.What are you guys talking about? No, nothing. He was just sayinghow much he loves the tables.If I had the receipt,I wouldn't need you to look it up.At this rate, I'm going to miss the first dance...at my wedding!I thought he only had one item.Tell your dad, if it were up to me,we'd have been in and out of here in about 10 minutes. You mentioned that.And I'll probably mention it again,because, thanks to someone,we're gonna be here for a while.Yeah, I get it.You know, Luke, you should order that suit in a larger size, - because by the time we get out of here - I...get...it.Pay for the suit.Where the hell are you going?Luke needs...socks.Make 'em teal!You're playing a very dangerous game.Hey, boys...look who it is --the guy that stole our parking spot.- Are you going to hit him? - I'd totally hit him.I'm not gonna hit him,but I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind.Now, boys, pay attention -- you want to be men,this is how you handle a jerk like this. Hey, chief?You know, you stole our parking space today. - What? - That's right.I was waiting for the parking space,You sneaked right in there --that make you feel like a big man?Did I? I didn't even notice.That's no excuse.I'm really sorry.My dog died today.I had to put him to sleep.14 years,he was all I had.Now I can't stand the thoughtof going back to my empty apartment,So I just keep wandering around the mall. You know what? Forget about the...spot.Oh, god!That was his name!Do not hit him.Oasis for men?That's funny.You made that sound like a question,then you didn't wait for me to answer.- What? - Here, let me show you.Yeah, yeah, yeah. You go --You go, "Oasis for men"?You see what I mean? You went, "Oasis for men"?You should have said, "Oasis for men"?Then I'd go, "Yeah, give me two".But instead, you went, "Oasis for men".- Okay. I get it. - You see what I mean?- I-I get it. I get it. - No, I'm not sure you do!You sprayed before "Men"!You went, "Oasis for men".- Okay. Okay. - Men!- Men! Men! - Stop it! Stop it!- Men! Men! Men! Men! - Stop it!- Men! Men! Men! Men! - Stop it!Men! Men! Men! Men! Men!Hey, Phil.I don't know what happened.I just...I...I don't know what happened.Look, I might've come down on you a little bit hard today. I'm sorry.I remember pretending to go look for some socks...I mean, it's, uh, my fault.I pushed your buttons.My father-in-law was the same way with me.He was horrible.Grandpa Lucas? He was a sweetheart.Yeah, after the stroke mellowed him out good. Before? An animal.We named Luke after him.Everything I did was wrong.If I said it was white, he'd say it was black. Although he never said anything was black'cause he was a pretty big racist.I wear his watch.I hated him. Hated him.And I was thinking -- I don't know --I don't want you to think the same way about me. You ever think about maybenot being a jerk to me so much?Now, see, you got to stop taking that stuff personally. I'm like that with everybody.I'm tough!And...Mean.I don't like to take guff!Or people's feelings into consideration.Okay, okay.I can't swear my way's the right way.I see you smiling, skipping around,and I think sometimes -- I don't know --maybe the boys would be better offif they were a little bit more like you.You know, skipping burns more calories than running. That's --We're done here.Oh, hey, listen.He didn't tell me, but what'd you do to that guy, huh? Did you get him?Yeah, I sprayed him with cologne.I'm sorry I asked.No, but, like, a lot of cologne.I just, like, got way up in there.Good boy.Did you find anything yet?Yes, there's a whole section on bitingon this Mommy forum.Oh, good. What does it say?Uh, "My son was biting,so I got a stranger to yell at him”."Being disciplined by someone else outside the family scared him into stopping."- Idiots! - Cam!What? I am not hiring some hoboto come over here and traumatize my child.She's already prone to flashbacks,if you know what I mean.Yeah, you know she didn't fight in Vietnam, right?I don't know anything anymore.What else does it say?Okay, well, this one says,"When my daughter bit her brother,I put a pinch of pepper in her mouth"."She cried and cried, but she never bit again". Smiley face.Oh, well, the smiley face makes it okay."I waterboarded our toddler --lol"!Well, all right, what do you suggest we do?That we log off the Spanish inquisition website and handle this with love.Okay, Lily...take a bite of an apple, take a bite of a peartake a bite of the cookie that you left over there Here's one thing you should never do.Don't bite Taylor or Brandon or Suebecause people aren't food. People aren't food Your friends will run awayif they're scared of being chewedand as a side note,private parts are privateWell...problem solved.I know you're being sarcastic,but you don't know that it's not.Ow! Honey.- Did she just bite you again? - No.That is it. I am getting the pepper!N -- no, you are not.Cam, you're not doing her any favors by being soft. Oh, well, then, why don't you just skip the pepper, I'll get some pliers, and we'll pull her teeth now! Play relax! It's a seasoning.Okay. Well, then, why don't you try some?- Stop. - No. Try a little.- Stop it. Stop it, Cam. Stop it. - No, try a little bit. Don't you hit me. Here. Put some in there.- No! Well... - Ow! You bit me! Mm!Why don't you sing me a song about it?Oh, look at you two in your matching ties!- Don't get me started. - Ohh, come here.Luke, sweetie, aryou wearing cologne?No. Dad attacked the perfume guyand then hugged me.I saw the boys in those adorable little suits,and it made me realize this dance is about them.It's not about meand my petty little competition with...with Gloria.Just look at the walls in here.Who wears that to a kids' dance?I know. She looks amazing.Okay, I'm gonna slow things downwith a blast from the pastfor our chaperones.Oh, my god.No, I'm fine.I'm -- I'm fine.I'm fine. I'm fine.I need a paper towel.I'm sorry. I didn't see you.No...Of course you didn't. Of course you didn't.'Cause it's gloria's night.That's right.It's all about Gloria, Gloria, Gloria!When you're done getting married...maybe you can mop this up a little.What was that?It's this damn uniform.Okay, we need to talk.No. I am fine. I do not need to talk.Well, you've been pushing me away the whole week. You've been fighting all my ideas.That's because this is my thing, Gloria.Why can't it be my thing, too, Claire?Because everything is your thing!This -- this is the one thing that was my thing.This is my only thing.Oh my god, this is my only thing.And then you come along and you steal my thunder with your tight dresses and your great ideas.I was the one that all the moms looked up to.I was the only one that Gus liked.Ay! Please.You like him so much, you can keep him.It's not the same now that I know he likes you.That sounds really insane,but this isn't actually about gus.Really? Because you've been talking a lot about him. Gloria, Gus is a symbol.A sex symbol?Stop it, Gloria. I'm already crying.Claire...I didn't come here to steal your thunder. Your thunder is your thunder,and my thunder is my thunder.I know. It's just that god gave you so much thunder. Yeah, maybe too much.I hate how those women look at me.You think I don't know what they're thinking? "Ah, here comes the hot one with the big boobies that is gonna steal my husband".And maybe they don't let their kids play with Manny.I volunteer because I want them to seethat there's so much more to me.Why didn't you tell me that?Maybe for the same reason you didn't tell meyou had a weird thing for Gus --It's embarrassing.Okay. I am sorry.I made this whole thinginto some ridiculous competition,and...I'm pathetic.You're not pathetic.Okay, that's a little bit sad.We like to think we're so smartand we have all the answers.And we want to pass all that on to our children. But...if you scratch beneath the surface,you don't have to dig very deep to find the kid you were. Which is why it's kind of crazythat now we're raising kids of our own.You know what? This is a milestone.We're accepting that our little angel isn't perfect.That's right. And it's okay.I-I take it back --she is perfect.But I guess that's the real circle of life.Your parents faked their way through it,you fake your way through it,and, hopefully,you don't raise a serial killer.That's not funny.I am so sorry.No,just come over watching movieput the whole thing behind you.Okay, see you in a bit.That was Longines. He's in a very bad place.Oh, no. What happened?Well, apparently some maniac went crazy at the mall and attacked him with oasis for men.Oh. Well, I think we all knew that day was coming. All right. Wish me luck.Good luck.Okay, honey.Please don't hurt daddy.All right."Ahh".。

We're beginning our initial descent to Jackson Hole, Wyoming. Thank you for flying united.Reckon we'll be landing soon.Phil, honey, you promised not till we got there.Okay.This year we're going to a Dude Ranch.With the whole family.Mm-hmm the family.What if Dylan buys his own ticket?We'll sleeping in seperate cabins.What if Dylan and I share a horse?Mm, I hate landing.We'll get through this.What are you doing?I want my ears to pop.Try putting a little rouge on 'em.Nobody gets me.Wow. Isn't this beautiful, little cowgirl?You hate her sparkly outfit, don't you.No, I told you, it's fine,I just didn't like you wearing a matching one.So we haven't told the family yet,but we've decided to adopt a baby boy.From America this time.You might say we're "Buying domestic."In private. You might say that in private.Our adoption attorney told us it would be a good ideato make a photo book to show prospective moms.Yes, but he thought that Cam's version was a little too "artsy," So, we decided to take a few rugged shots at the ranch to, you know, balance it out.I don't think it needs balancing out.Really?It's called "Production value."Horse.Look, Jay! So beautiful!Your ears haven't popped yet, huh?I'm like the Horse Whisperer.But something is taking this one skittish.Look at the mountains.They're amazing.I've never been this far from home beforenow I've never been this far.now I've never been this far.Where's a cliff when you need one?Look, kids! A real life cowboy.Oh. Come see. Come see.What's he doing?Oh, my.My name is Hank.Here at the Lost Creek Ranch,you're gonna ride, you're gonna rope and you're gonna shoot.You gonna see a sky so full of stars,It'll put your city lights to shame.And when it's all down, you maight just encounter a piece of yourselves you never knew was there. Are there any questions?Uh, do we book spa treatments through you or...I like you, kid.I'm gonna call you "Hollywood."That wasn't an answer.And who's this Cactus Flower?What?That's my wife Gloria.Well, She's "Cactus Flower" now, old-timer. These, uh, these nicknames-- are they set in stone? Okey-dokey.You ready, gunslinger?I hear word of trouble in these parts.Pull!That oughta fix it, eh, Jay?You got a piece of it.I been practicing like crazy.All my cowboy skills--Shootin', ropin' pancake eatin'.Why? Because sometimesI feel like Jay doesn't respect me as a man.It just when you say, "Phil is my son-in-law,"It sound like you're saying, "Phyllis, come up, my son-in-law." - That's ridiculous. - Okay, who's your son-in-law? Phyllis.I'm not asking for a hug.I just want to get that look a newfound respect.Like...Or...Or... mm.Yeah.Check it out.Two birds, one leg.Pull it!Not bad, eh, old-timer?Uh, see, Slappy only had three fingers.What?He only had three fingers.Who's next?Oh, me. Me.Oh, this is good. This is good.Tres macho.No smile. Don't smile. Good.You ready?Wait, do I say "pull"?Sorry, sorry.Mitchell, why don't you go find Manny have the spa. Wouldn't that be more fun?Yeah.I realized that if I was gonna raise a boy,I needed to butch up my life.You know, I wanted to be able to teach my sonall the things that my dad taught Claire.Hey, Hollywood.I don't love that.Wanna see something?Oh, my gosh. Is that a firecracker?Shh!Now I just need to find the perfect thing to blow up. Is that thing even legal?Not here. It's from Germany.If they had this during the war,right now we'd all be knee-deep in strudel.Watch it!What you doing, eh? You readin'?Trying to.I'm not so good at it either.- I'm not surprised. - That was a joke.I'm Jimmy Scrivano.You want to see me do a cannonball?I'd rather see you get hit by one, but...Ha. Good one, gorgeous.Jay! Is this like the lobster?!Do I get to pick one for dinner?Because this one looks very tender.Look alive, old-timer.One of your calves is getting away.Hey, something's wrong with my horse. She's veering left. When this happened, my uncle was at stroke.Oh there'nothing wrong with buttercup,you just got to let her know who's the boss.Beautiful form, cactus flower!Beautiful!You look like a dadgum conquistadora!She's deaf, but I can hear ya.Why are you riding that way?I'm afraid that cow over there might bite me.Oh, yes, he's gonna come up and bite youbecause your leg looks so desirable with those--Are those canvas?Okay, Phil, ease that one back over towards me.- Got it. - Ease him back this way.Hey! Piece of cake, huh, Jay?- Huh? - Ease that one over to Bossy.Which one's Bossy?That's my nickname for your wife.Hilarious.Go, mom! Whoo!Yeah, mom! You rock!Oh, I wish I had a rock.Hey. It wouldn't kill you to be nice to Dylan.It might.But, honey, I don't know why you always stick up for him. Haley can do so much better.Because I know what it's like to fall for a girlwhose dad thinks I'm not good enough.All right, you're right.I can make more of an effort.That's the woman I love.we taking a little break over here? Laying some pipe? No. Sorry. I was just talking to Bossy.- Phil! - I'm sorry.Jay, look! I got this one!I got this one!She's veering left again.When we get back, I'm gonna seeIf she can track a pencil with her eyes.Okay, Lily, I'm going to push you one more time.Now don't kick me, okay?Aah! Oh! Lily!I said don't kick me. Okay?You know it's your own fault that's happening.Why don't you try standing behind her?You are an idiot.Oh, really? I ain't the one getting kicked.Why are you following me?Why are you fighting me here, gorgeous?This works.I really, really don't appreciateyou calling me "Gorgeous."I just want to enjoy time with my family,So if you don't mind--mm!Not a problem. See you around, sunshine.You kissed a boy!No, the boy kissed me. Okay, Lily?The boy kissed me.*I rode a horse for the first time today*wasn't surprised when it went... neighHey, Dylan.Hey, Mrs. Dunphy.I was wondering if we could have a little chat.Oh. You want me to go home.No, no. It's the--the opposite of that.I want you to go home?No, I, um, I want you to know how glad I am that you're here. Really?'Cause sometimes I just get this vibe you don't like me. Oh. Dylan, no. I'm sorry.I-I like you.I-I like you a lot. I just...it's complicated because Haley's my daughter.Whoa. Whoa, whoa.You are totally a hot mom, but I can't do this.Oh, my god. Okay, we--there's--no, no.I merely meant that I'm sorry if I made you feel unwelcome. Whew! That would have been awkward.So awkward.You know, but for the record, Mrs. Dunphy...Yes?If Haley wasn't my girlfriend...and mr. Dunphy was out of the picture...I would be honored to share your bedAnd raise Luke, Alex, and Haley as my own.Okay.Good talk.*She'll be running down the mountain*She'll be running down the mountain when she comes The song ended two minutes ago.Well, I'll tell you what, she could play Evita.Well, I'll tell you what, she could play Evita.Really? You notice the crickets left?Anyone want more water?Oh, Dad, I'll take one.Heads up.Oh! Oh, my gosh.Oh. It was--it was dark. I-I couldn't see it. Thank you.So did you set off the firecracker yet?When I do, you won't have to ask.First, all the electronics will go out,Then comes the heat flash.Afterwards, the living will envy the dead.And yet I'm the one on the no-fly list.You know what? Maybe next time I'll just catch it,and then hand it to you.Oh, okay. Yeah, let's do that.You--you do everything, and I'll do nothing. Something on your mind?This isn't the right place to talk about it.Okay.I-I'm s--I'm not sure if we should have another baby.What? Are you serious?I think that we might be rushing into this.Rushing into-- we've been working--Everybody, it's me, Dylan.I just wanted to thank you all for bringing me on this trip, and making me feel like one of the family,especially bossy.So I can't think of a better timeto ask something of the woman that I love.Okay.No, no.Haley Gwendolyn Dunphy,will you do me the honorsof being my lawfully wedded--No. No, no, no, no, no. No proposals.Not now. Not gonna happen.She's a child, so...- Mom! - You're still in high school!I meant after she graduates.Not then. Not now.Not ever.Seriously, what are you two gonna live off of? The--the--the royalties from the horsey song?- Put it back in your pocket. - Would you stop it? No, I won't. I won't.No, it's okay.I guess I'll just turn in.Just so you know, there's a fan in my cabinthat sounds like someone crying.Dylan, wait! I hate you!Oh, come on. Haley, get back here!Phil, anything?I think you said it all, Claire.You want me to rope her?I can, you know.For what it's worth,my second wife was in high school. Sweetie, here. Here we go.- One, two, three. - One, two, three.- Gone. - It's gone! It's over there!It's not back there.- We counted to three. - Yes.Where have you been?I-I slept on the couch in the lodge.I know you didn't want to have a big fight last night. Well, I'm ready now.Cam, I'm sorry.Look, what if I can't do the father-son stuff?The hunting, the--the sports,the Three Stooges?You know what happens in real lifewhen someone gets hit in the head with a ladder, they go to the hospital and they get an M.R.I. Never see that scene.I think you're overthinking this.You know, I love sports, I love the stooges.We've got this covered.No. No, you--you got it covered,but I'm just stuck on the sidelines,pretending to understand the rules, and...You know, my dad was a rough-and-tumble guy. And I just-- I could never relate to him.And I don't know. I just don't think I could handle disappointing... two generations.I think you're more masculineThan you give yourself credit for.Who puts a birdhouse next to a porch?Claire, I know that you're worriedthat Dylan is gonna break Haley's heart,but I see in his eyesthat he's gonna stick with her forever.No matter what, he's always going to be with her.On your deathbed--Okay. All right. I can't take this anymore.I'm gonna go find her.No. You push too hard, you chase her right into his arms. You'll end up with a boob for a son-in-law.Believe me, you don't want that.What's that supposed to mean?- What? - Hey, have you guys seen Dylan?No. No. Why?I'm not talking to you.He said he was going out for a walk last night,and no one's seen him since.Sweetheart, I'm sure he's fine.Maybe after last night, he just went home.Doubt it. He left his luggage.We have to do something.If he doesn't eat five times a day, he gets spacey.What would that even look like?We'll find him. Hank?We got a situation here!What seems to be the trouble?We need to talk.What?You stole my first kiss.What are you talkin' about?I had it all planned out.It was supposed to be special,someone with a high GPA And a bright future, not a Mario Brother.Fine. You know what? I don't even want your kiss. Here, you can have it back.There. Now we're even.Well, keep it. I don't -- I don't want it anymore. What am I doing?Okay, people.Looks like we have a walker.Right now he is facing treacherous terrain, sudden drops, mountain lions,hungry bears, oh, and wolverines.That is, if the hypothermia didn't already get him. Why did we come here again?So our best bet is to split up.You two are gonna take the North hiking trail.- Can I go with my dad instead? - Negative.I need buffalo phil and old-timerto check the Snake River.Buffalo Phil --worth the wait.Me and cactus flower will ride on up to Destiny Ridge. Maybe I should ride up there with her.Negatory. That trail is for advanced riders only.We don't need another dead body."Another"?Let's go! Move 'em out.Phil, help me saddle my horse, will ya?Well, look who's suddenly needed by his father-in-law. Phyllis.Phil --is.Hey, uncle Mitch. Whatcha doing?Oh, hey.Just -- just thinkin'.You know, I've been meaning to tell you,you're a super fun uncle.And I'm saying this as a boy.Uncle Cameron sent you over here, didn't he?What? That's hilarious.No, I love how you and me can joke like this.Okay, Luke, look, i don't know how much Cam told you, but I don't think this is a problemthat you can help me with. It's...Okay, good. I've got my own problem.What? What's that?Can you keep a secret?I kept a pretty big one for 22 years, so...I've got this new firecracker,and I can't decide what to blow up.Oh, Luke, that's dangerous.I know. That's what's fun about it.I don't get boys.What is so great about destroying things?It turns stuff into flying chunks of stuff.Okay, no. No, g-give it to me. Come on.fine.I take it back. You're not that fun.All right, hey, look, um,we'll do it together, all right?You just made the best decision of your life.Damn it!Buttercup! What the hell's wrong with this horse? Jay.I want to talk to you aboutthat son-in-law crack you made at breakfast.- Oh, I didn't mean anything by that. - I think you did.I get that I wasn't your first choice to marry Claire, but it's been 18 years, and there hasn't been a day when I wasn't a loyal husband to your daughterand a great dad to your grandkids.So if we've still got a problem, now it's your problem. Phil, wait up.Let me ask you something, man to man.Okay.You notice anything funny about the --Hank character and, uh...Gloria?Yeah, he's hitting on her. Why?I knew it.Where are you going?Destiny ridge.Buttercup, ha!Buttercup, hiya!Seriously?Okay. Okay, it's clear.After this, we're gonna have some angry birds. Yeah.It's gonna be "Bye Bye Birdie."It's a big musical from the '60s.No. Forget it. What you said.Okay.Okay, go.That's it?I'm sorry, buddy.I brought that thing all the way from...Cam, I did a boy thing! I blew up the birdhouse!You should have seen it. It was so awesome.That's great!Yeah. I think I can do this.I mean, maybe not everything and maybe not right away, - and not the Three Stooges... - No.I do. I want a son.I'm sorry I panicked.Oh, that's great.Now maybe we can go back to taking pictures for the book. Yes! Pictures of me blowing up stuff!Okay, I see we've overcorrected.I know you think I'm the mean momwho wouldn't let you marry your boyfriend,but someday you're gonna realize,I did what had to be done.No, you didn't. I was never gonna marry Dylan.I told him no.Oh, you did? Thank god.But it was my proposal to turn down.You know, you keep telling me to act like an adult,but then you don't even give me a chance.Oh. You sort of got me there.But, sweetheart, I don't expect you to understand this.I certainly didn't when I was your age.I look at you as my baby, and I always will.It's just what moms do.I'm not a baby anymore!Okay? And I am never gonna see Dylan again!Dylan!Dylan!What?!Where are you?!Wyoming!You're okay!I had the craziest night.When you rejected me, I felt lost and scared.And then I went out on a walk,and I felt a whole different kind of lost and scared.And then I fell asleep in the stable.And when I woke up, I met this woman named Jakewho's strong like a man.Then we had this long talk, and he/she hired me.Uh, what do you mean, she hired you?I work here now.So you're staying?- Yeah. - What about us?It could never work. We're from two different worlds.You're a high school student,and I'm a ranch hand.I'm just--I'm so glad you're okay. I really am.Thanks. But we're not supposed to fraternize with the guests.Okay.Dylan!Dylan!You got a voice like a meadowlark, don't ya?Dylan!Yeah, I sure am worried about that kid.Dylan!He ain't down there.Oh, come on now. You come up here for the cowboy experience. You're looking at him.Do I look like the kind of woman that would cheat on her husband? Yes.Really?Hey! I think you better move away from that woman.Only we touch our women when they don't want us to.Easy. Easy there, friend.I wasn't hitting on this filly.This is all part of the package.If I didn't play the bad guy,he wouldn't get to ride up and be the big hero.He doesn't need you to make him a hero.He's a hero every day.Why don't you do us all a favor? Get back on your horse,ride down to the lodge and tell 'em--Can you keep him still?- I'm trying to make a point. - I am.Okay. Okay, I'm gone.Ma'am.Wait. Wait.There's something I wanna say to you.I will only be checking "somewhat satisfied"- on our comment card. - Jeez.I mean, he was great with the kids.I looked it up.The distance between our houses is 2,443 miles. Yeah, but, you know, on some maps,it's like--pfft! this big.God, you're stupid.All in all, it was a great vacation.We may have lost a man...But out there on the range, under that great big sky, we found a part of ourselves we never knew was there, just like the horny cowboy said we would.No.Fine.。

Hey, sir. Duane Bailey, running for, uh, 你好先生我是杜恩·贝利town council reelection. 准备参加镇议员改选- Oh, don't look. There's that jerk Duane Bailey. - Oh, yuck. -别看是杜恩·贝利那个混蛋 -唉真衰I should say something to him, shouldn't I? 你说我是不是该损损他I gotta be honest, I was just walking off your tone. 实话说我刚刚只是妇唱夫随Who's Duane Bailey and why do we hate him? 杜恩·贝利是谁我们为什么要恨人家啊Honey, he's that councilman who shot down my stop sign. 亲爱的他就是否决我停车牌议案的那货- Big phony - Yeah. -傻大缺 -没错Hey! Duane Bailey seeking reelection town council. 你好我是杜恩·贝利竞选市议员连任Hope I can count on your vote. 希望你能投我一票哦Well, you just got it. 好啊我一定投你You don't remember meeting me,do you. 你不记得见过我是吧Claire Dunphy,last month town council meeting. 克莱尔·邓菲上个月镇会议上见过Oh, yes I do. 哦当然Yes I remember you. 我当然记得你I want a stop sign. 给姐个停车牌Just having fun. Here, have a pen. 开个玩笑啦来拿支笔吧"Duane bailey. 杜恩·贝利"Duane bailey. [哈巴小猎犬哈巴犬和小猎犬的杂交品种]Councilman. Citizen. Puggle breeder." 忠诚议员良好市民哈巴小猎犬爱好者I love them. 我爱哈巴小猎犬Because they're a different mix of breeds, 因为那是种族大融合的产物just like America. 恰似美利坚合众国I like what he's saying, Claire. 我很赞同他的话克莱尔- He isn't saying anything. - Look at his... -他说的完全狗屁不通 -看这个We need a stop sign at our intersection. 我家路口需要立个停车牌Everyone says that, 谁都想立停车牌But pretty soon, 若是听之任之we're stopping at every single corner. 我们就要"转角遇到停车牌"了Why don't you go ask Canada how that's working out? 加拿大倒是停车牌遍布在那儿开车多悲剧啊- He nailed it. - Hi. Duane bailey. Hi. -他真有才 -你好我是杜恩·贝利"Actor/writer/director who packs a punch." 身兼演员编剧导演铁拳勇猛谁敢争先- Oh, sylvester Stallone. - Sylvester Stallone. -是席尔维斯特·史泰龙 -席尔维斯特·史泰龙I said it first. 我先说的Oh, my god. 我的天啊This guy brought his kids, Mitchell. 这人居然带孩子来米奇尔What, to this movie? Isn't it supposed to be super violent? 让孩子看这影片这片子可是暴力无下限啊I'm sorry. I don't mean to overstep, but I don't know 抱歉我不是想多管闲事但是that this movie is really appropriate for children. 这部电影好像有点"少儿不宜"吧I'm terrified to see it. That's why we're here during the day. 我都不敢看所以我们才挑白天来It's okay. We're good. 没事我们受得了Okay. 好吧I tried. 我尽力了Yeah. All you can do. 是啊尽你所能了You know, I've--I've read this book, 知道吗我读过原著的And I know what's gonna happen, and it's very disturbing. 知道大致剧情的确很可怕I really think you might be inviting 我觉得您这是自找罪受some pretty serious nightmares here. 想晚上做噩梦吧Hey, buddy, they're my kids. I got it. 兄弟听好我的孩子我做主Yeah, but I don't think you do. 是吗我可不觉得Cam. Cam. He says he's got it, all right? 小卡小卡他说了他做主You said your piece. Just watch the movie. 你仁至义尽了好好看电影吧Oh, uh, Gwyneth Paltrow. 是格温妮丝·帕特洛- I really must insist you not traumatize your kids... - Cam. -您真不该毒害您的孩子... -小卡- by exposing them to gratuitous violence... - Stop it. Shh! -不该让他们过早接触暴力影片 -别说了- and graphic depictions of-- - Daddy, I'm scared. -以及血腥影像 -爸爸我吓到了Yeah, well, you're gonna be. 是啊待会儿更吓死你I'm gonna tell you one more time. 我最后警告你一次- No, I'm gonna tell you one more time. - Okay. -不是我最后警告你一次 -好了It was "The Muppet" Movie. 人家看的电影是《布偶》We were in the wrong theater. 我们进错放映厅了Enjoy the show. I was always a fan of the Muppets, 好好看哦我一直都很喜欢布偶系列的Especially the two guys in the theater 尤其是那两个在剧场- who wouldn't shut up. - Just leave. -喋喋不休的"好人" -赶紧走- Hello? - I'm running late. -喂 -我要晚一点了This knucklehead's kept me waiting for over an hour. 那傻缺让我等了一个多小时I never had to wait like this when his dad was running things. 他爸当权的时候都没让我等这么久Yeah. 是啊And soda was a nickel. 改朝换代政策变Just tell them that your family is coming over. 直接告诉他你家人要来参加家庭聚会This guy fired his own father. 那货把他老爸都给炒了He's not gonna care about my family. 他才不会鸟我的什么家人呢Okay, then just leave. 那你就直接走呗You don't need his money. 你又不需要他的钱Once a week, I have eight family members 每个礼拜都有八张嘴coming to my house for free food. 来咱家白吃白喝I'm not going anywhere. 我走不起Okay. I see you when I see you. 行那就回家再见吧Are you okay? What is wrong? 你怎么了出什么事了吗I want to be homeschooled. 我真想在家自学Really, Manny? Do you want me to learn you English? 当真吗曼尼你想让我"学"你英语吗What is going on? 到底怎么了I have a big report due, 有份报告要做And the teachers don't seem to care about the substance. 但老师根本不在乎文章内容All they care about is the flash. 他们只重视花巧外表Manny, sometimes you can be a little bit old-fashioned. 曼尼啊有时候你有点守旧Remember the first time 还记得你第一次you saw the kids with the backpacks with wheels 看见小朋友用滑轮背包时and you thought they were too flashy? 你还觉得太花哨You're going to school, not boarding a flight to Denver. 我是去上学又不是游轮丹佛行It's getting absurd. 真是荒谬Reuben freestyle-rapped his report on Irish immigrants. 雷本那篇爱尔兰移民研究报告纯属东拼西凑That doesn't even make sense. 那东西根本狗屁不通Maybe you do a Riverdance. Maybe. 即便他跳了个大河之舞又怎样- What is your report on? - The Mafia. -报告是什么主题 -黑手党Perfect. We do a papier-mache Tommy gun. 太好了我们做个冲锋枪纸模Oh, no. We shouldn't have to jazz it up. 不我们不搞那些花里胡哨的Okay, then we go upstairs and we get your old rocking horse 那好我们去楼上把你的旧木马拿来and we chop the head off. 斩首示众No, that's a terrible idea. I love Brownie! 不太残忍了我喜欢布朗尼Do you want to send a message or not? 你到底想不想"杀马震师"啊Jay never wants me to help him with his business, 杰从不让我插手他的生意And now suddenly, manny doesn't want to listen to me either. 突然间曼尼也不听我的话了It's very frustrating. 真让老娘郁闷啊I have all the answers. 老娘可是万事通Hey! There he is. 嘿你来了- Bring it in , Jay. How you doing, Joshie? -快进来杰 -你好吗乔小希- It's Josh now. - Have a seat. -还是叫我乔希吧 -请坐Ah, all right. 那好So I flipped through your proposal, 我大概看了一下你的方案And here's the thing-- 是这样...We're about to build our largest luxury condo complex yet. 我们的超规模豪华复合式公寓开建在即And I have an important question for you-- 有个重要的问题要问你what is it you want to build? 你想要构筑什么Closets. 壁橱See, I was kinda hoping you'd say "Dreams." 你看我指望你会说"构筑梦想"呢I thought that was implied. 我暗含那个意思Jay, I'm looking for closets nobody's ever seen before, 杰我的壁橱可要是空前绝后的You know, a big "Wow!" 惊艳之作You know what I'm saying? 明白我的意思吗You want a nice closet with sharp design, 你追求的是上好的壁橱quality materials, and expert craftsmanship. 要设计新锐质量上乘做工精湛Uh, I mean, I want it to be like, bam! 不止如此我还要它举世皆惊You know, people are gonna walk in there and go 大家走进来然后说"Whoa! What do I hang first?" "哇先挂哪件好呢"I wanted to hang myself. 先挂了我吧Yeah, let's talk more specific. 谈点详细的吧What exactly do you like and what don't you like? 您的喜厌好恶到底怎样All right, fair enough. Uh... 好吧有道理I don't like this. This makes me sad. 我不喜欢谈细节很不爽I do like getting my mind blown. 我喜欢奇思妙想I love your enthusiasm. 你的狂热我很欣赏Uh, before I go off in the wrong direction, 为免我思路偏差不合你意How about an example? 给个例子行吗All right, check this out. 好吧听着So, like, three weeks ago, I'm down in South Beach. 三周前我去南部海滩度假I walk into this thumpin' club. 我走进摇滚俱乐部Bartender says, "What do you wanna drink?" 酒保问我"你要喝什么"I say, "Wow me." 我说"给我个惊喜"He mixes this thing together. I take one sip, 他调了杯酒我就喝了一小口and I'm like, "Hello, nurse!" 再醒来时我说"护士姐姐好"And she's like, "You've been unconscious for two days." 护士告诉我 "你已经昏迷两天了" That's what I want in a closet. 我的壁橱要的就是这个感觉I don't think I need to hear any more. 我想我不需要再听了Whatcha doing there? Homework? 你干啥呢做作业吗What do you want? 有话快说I need to borrow some money. It's really important. 我想借点钱江湖救急How much? 借多少$900. 900美元What?! 什么Come on. If you were in trouble, 拜托了如果你遇到困难I would do anything for you. 我会倾囊相助的We're not just sisters. 我们是姐妹以上We're best friends. 闺蜜已满啊Look, I would if I could, 不是我不帮but I don't have any money. 我是真的没钱啊And since we're talking, 既然话都说开了I never told anyone this before, and it... 我就老实说吧那谁谁...wipe that smug smile off his stupid face. 别蠢脸堆笑充市花了His face is stupid. 他那张脸是够蠢Oh! I can't believe ridiculous people like him end up in office. 这种跳梁小丑竟能当上公务员Well, why don't you run? 你为什么不参选呢You're smart, you care about the community, 你聪明过人关爱社区and you're easy on the eyes when you put a little effort into it. 稍微打扮下也蛮有红颜铁娘子风范- Are you serious? - Yeah, you know, -说真的吗 -是啊maybe change out of the sweaty gym clothes every once in while.别整天穿着汗湿的运动装就行I thought you were talking about running for office. 我知道你是问参选那句吗Go on. 接着说I'd be lying if I said I'd never thought about it. 说没想过肯定是骗人I mean, I know it's a ridiculous little local thing, 我知道那只是个芝麻官but it might be fun to get out there and contribute. 但踏出家门奉献市民也未尝不好Plus I think I'd be good at it. 再说我觉得自己能够胜任- You'd be great. - Mm. How would this work? -你一定很出色 -但如何能行呢I mean, who would be here for the kids after school? 孩子放学后谁照顾Who would take them to practice and recitals 谁带他们去排练去朗诵会and keep them from burning the house down? 阻止他们上房揭瓦呢It must be so hard being a single mom. "单亲妈妈"真心不容易Claire, I will. 克莱尔有你老公在呢If you wanna fly, 如果你想高飞I'm not gonna hold your feet to the ground. Hmm. 我绝不扯你后腿I wanna be the one to push you off the cliff. 我会助力一臂推你离地I think I'm gonna do it. 我决定了Great. 很好- Go fly. - Phil. -飞吧 -菲尔- No. - Oh, phil! -天啊 -菲尔I'll admit it. I'm turned on by powerful women-- 我得承认我就是女强人控Michelle Obama, Oprah, Condoleezza Rice, 米歇尔·奥巴马奥普拉康多莉扎·赖斯Serena Williams-- 塞雷娜·威廉姆斯[小威廉姆斯]Wait a minute. 慢着不对[菲尔提到的都是黑人]- Do you want a fry? - No, I can't eat. -要吃薯条吗 -不要我吃不下We should've stayed and seen "The Muppets." 我们还不如留下来看《布偶》I can't even look at ketchup without seeing blood. 我现在一看番茄酱还觉得满目血腥Ooh, runaway curly fry. You know these are good luck. 漏网卷薯条好运的象征- Oh, my god. What was that? - We just got rear-ended. -天啊怎么回事 -追尾了Oh, pull off to the side street. Pull off to the side street. 靠边停车靠边停车- Are you okay? - Oh, I think I cut the roof of my mouth on the straw. -你还好吗 -上牙膛被吸管划破了- Oh, my god. Mm! - So yes. -我的老天 -所以说没事咯Oh, boy. 天啊I am so sorry. This is all my fault. 真抱歉都是我的错Are you guys okay? 你们还好吗W-well, I-I sustained a minor mouth injury. 我嘴里受了点小伤We're fine. Thank you. It's... 我们没事谢谢Look, I feel terrible. 我真过意不去Um, don't worry. I'm gonna take care of everything. 别担心我来处理这件事Let me just get my insurance info. 我去拿保险单Okay. Thank you. 好的谢谢Well, he seems nice. 这个人不错啊You know, if this were a romantic comedy, 按浪漫喜剧片标准情节this would be our meet cute. 这就是我和他的意外邂逅We'd spend the rest of the afternoon 我们一起打发这个午后drinking wine, eating food, 喝喝小酒吃点小饭flying a kite, you know, doing montage-y stuff. 放风筝此处蒙太奇慢放Yeah, am I in this movie of yours? 我在你的电影里吗Yeah, you're the gay best friend. 在啊你是我的"盖蜜"- Oh, my god! - Oh, my god! We have a runner! -我的天 -我的天这货逃逸了Um, it's d-w-y-- I can't read it. 车牌是D W Y 我看不清了- Come on! Let's go! Let's go! - Go where? -快点跑啊 -跑去哪- We have to chase him down! - No, we're not supposed to do that! -我们得去追他 -不能这么做Help! Stop that car! 来人啊拦住那辆车He's getting away! Help! 他逃逸了来人啊Yeah, you almost got him, Cam. You almost got him. 马上就追到了小卡马上就追到了He's getting away! 他逃逸了Whatcha doing? Playing? 你干啥呢玩游戏吗Yeah. 是啊Do you have any money saved up? 你有存私房钱吗I'm comfortable. 小康生活吧I've saved $1,217. 我攒了1217美元It wasn't even that hard. 不费吹灰之力Don't forget your lunch. 别忘了带午餐Thanks, mom. 谢了老妈Don't forget your lunch money, buddy. 午餐钱拿好兄弟Thanks, dad. 谢了老爸You bet. 那当然Please. It's really important. 求你了我真是急需用钱Look, I'd love to help you out, 我是真想帮你but I'm not very liquid right now. 可我最近周转不灵It's in a block of ice. 钱都冻在冰砖里了I got the idea 我听说过when I heard about rich guys with frozen assets. 有钱人"冻结资产"的事灵光一现Assets. 资产啊I am running for town council, 我准备参选市政议员and I understand that I can pick up a form here. 申请表是在这领吧Fourth floor. 去4楼Elevator down the hall. 电梯在大厅那边Beyonce, when'd you start working here? 碧昂丝你怎么来这上班了Oh, Duane. He's always saying stuff like that. 又是杜恩他老说这些俏皮话Duane Bailey. Running for reelection. 我是杜恩·贝利正在竞选连任You're joking. 真是贵人多忘事I just saw you in the parking lot two hours ago. 我们两小时前才在停车场见过Oh, hey. It's you! 原来是你啊Oh, it's you. 怎么是你啊What... Are you doing here? 你来这儿干嘛I am entering the race for town council, 我也要参加镇议会的选举and I am running against you. 我要和你唱对台戏Oh. Well, don't you have pluck. 好吧真是勇气可嘉No, I plan on winning, so... 不我志在必得所以Oh, yeah, I bet you do. 我猜你就这么想Marcia! Rocking the bangs! Love it. 玛莎打扮得不错啊爱死了Do you know why, of all the dogs in the world, 你知道吗为何世上小狗千千万I breed puggles? 我独爱哈巴小猎犬Why do I feel like this is a rhetorical question, 我怎么感觉你又要借物喻人了- And you're about to l-- - It's because they're lovable, yes, -接着你就要 -因为他们不光讨人爱but they're also tenacious hunters who won't quit 还是顽强的猎手不咬死猎物until the kill is complete. 誓不罢休Really? 'cause I feel like they just yip a lot. 真的吗我倒是觉得他们老是汪个不停Look, lady, you're going down. 女士你会一败涂地的I've won six straight elections. 我六次选举一路全胜I don't plan on losing to some bored housewife, 我可不会输给居里闲人so don't quit your lack of a day job. 接着当主妇吧小心失业Excuse me! 你给我站住Excuse me! 你给我站住Excuse me. 您请等一下Hello? 喂Anne. 是安妮啊Haley did that? 海莉真干得出来Oh, god. Okay. Um... 天啊好吧I'll call you right back. 我一会再打给你For your information, sir, 您有必要知道先生I am no bored housewife. 我才不是居里闲人No, I-I would kill for "Bored." Why isn't this lighting up? 我是想闲闲不下来呢指示灯怎么还不亮Oh, it's because it's, uh, staff only. 因为这是员工专用Yeah. 没错Here. Allow me to... 来请允许我Not get that for you. 不为你效劳了Good luck! 祝你好运Dad, I cut my arm. 老爸我把胳膊划伤了Oh, wow. You sure did, buddy. 划得够深的呀老弟I'll get you fixed up. 我来帮你处理Where's mom? 老妈去哪儿了She belongs to the people now. 她现在属于人民群众了My allergies are acting up again. 我的过敏症又犯了Well, it is your lucky day, 今天你走运了Because, missy, 因为呢小姐Dr. Dad has everything you need. 医生老爹应有尽有Behold the healing powers of grape flavoring. 瞧这葡萄味灵丹圣水的魔力吧Where's mom? 妈妈去哪儿了Some people took her. 她移情别"人"了Drink this. 喝了Listen, guys, your mom is taking on more responsibilities 孩子们你妈妈现在除了家务之外outside of the... house, 还另有职责But don't you worry. 不过别担心Good old... Dad-- oh, my goodness! 金牌奶爸全我的妈呀I'm so sorry! 对不起You punched me! 你打到我了Dad, you gave me the drowsy kind. 爸你给我的是催睡型的There's a drowsy kind?! 过敏药还有催睡型的吗I have to study for a test! 我还要复习备考呢Oh! It really hurts! 真的好痛啊- Well, I'll get you some ice. - No. No, no, no. -我帮你找点冰块 -别别别I'll get it. 我自己来吧Oh, you made it. How was it? 你总算赶上了事情办得怎么样Why? What's wrong, babe? 怎么了出什么事了亲爱的- I don't want to talk about it. - Do it anyways. -我不想说这个 -说来听听嘛Uh, this stupid kid's been in the business about ten minutes. 那倒霉孩子十分钟就把我打发了He barely looks at my proposal, 他基本上没看我的方案and he says he wants more "Wow." 还说他想要"惊艳之作"What does he mean by more "Wow"? 他所谓的"惊艳"是什么It's the "Bieber-ization" of America. 是种典型"比伯式"美化说法It's the "Bieber-ization" of America. [水獭音似比伯著名正太歌手Justin Bieber]What do beavers have to do with anything? 关水獭什么事The beavers--they build the dams all over the country 水獭啊他们全国到处修水坝so there's no floods, 使美国免遭洪灾is the "Beaver-ization" Of the Americas. 这就是美国的水獭化I'm finding there's less and less we can talk about. 我们之间的共同语言越来越少So why didn't you tell him 那你怎么不告诉他that you've been in the business for such a long time-- 你干这行经验丰富It's not gonna make any difference. 说了也没用He wants to make a change. 他一心想要改革And I got a factory full of people depending on this. 全工厂上下都要靠这个单子养活- Yeah, but maybe if you tell him that -- - Gloria, please. -不然你就告诉他 -拜托歌洛莉亚I-I-I've had a tough day. 我今天很不顺Can we please not talk about it? 先不谈这事了好吗But I want to help. 可人家想帮你嘛Trust me. I wish you had the answers. 相信我我倒希望你能帮上忙I do! 我能的- Hey, guys. - Hey, grandpa. -各位 -外公好- Hey, Jay. - What's with her? -你好啊杰 -她怎么了Just tired. Growth spurt. 只是困了青春期嗜睡- Hi, guys. - Hi, baby girl. -大家好啊 -嗨小姑娘Hola, Lily. How are you? 莉莉你好嘛Dads are fighting. 大爸二爸吵架了No, uh, we're not fighting. 没有我们没吵架No, not at all, honey. 宝贝绝对没有No. Okay, uh, go play, sweetheart. Okay? 没吵架宝贝玩去吧好吗Let's go play with some blocks. Let's go stack some blocks. 我们玩积木去吧堆积木去All right. Okay, the reason we're fighting 好吧我们之所以吵架是因为All right. Okay, the reason we're fighting [克林特·伊斯特伍德饰演的硬汉角色]is 'cause this one thinks he's dirty Harry. 他竟然自以为是警探哈里Having a hard time picturing Clint Eastwood in that shirt.真难想象伊斯特伍德穿你身上那样的丑衬衫Okay, let me ask you something. 好我问问你Today, at a stoplight, a guy ran into our car, 今天有个家伙在红灯时撞了我们的车and then just took off. 然后肇事潜逃I wanted to chase after him. Mitchell... 我想去追他而米奇尔kept a level head and called the police. 很淡定地报了警Pfft. Police. Aren't they too busy winning the war on drugs? 切警察他们不都忙着扫黄禁药吗Okay, so which one of us did the right thing? 你们评评理我们俩谁的处理方法正确Hit and run. Gotta chase him down. 肇事逃逸必须追捕I chase the people all the time. 我成天就追着人跑No. No. That's--that's irresponsible and dangerous. 不不那样既不负责任又危险Okay, well, what if he had been armed? 好吧要是他有枪怎么办He wasn't armed. He had a Hillary bumper sticker. 他车尾贴着希拉里的头像肯定是个禁枪派This isn't an isolated incident. 不只这一回This morning he flipped out at somebody at the muppet movie.今早他看布偶电影时还冲别人发疯You saw the muppet movie without me? 你们撇下我去看布偶电影吗Oh, no. 不是的No, honey. Just the first two numbers. 宝贝不是的我们是进错影厅看错片了No, lily. Wait. 莉莉不是的Hi. Hi. Hi. Phil, where are you, honey? 大家好菲尔你在哪儿宝贝I need to talk to you. Do you know what our daughter did? 有事跟你谈你知道咱女儿闯什么祸了吗Nothing. She's fine. She's reading. 没啥她很好在看书呢No, not her. Haley. Haley! 不是她是海莉海莉给我出来- Come over here. I want to talk to you. -There she is. -过来我有话问你 -她在这儿呢Not a scratch on her. 没缺胳膊少腿Do you have something you want to say to us? 你有什么要告诉我们的吗- Uh... - Mm... Let me help you out here. -这个... -让我帮你说吧Fake ID's? 伪造身份证- What?! - Mm-hmm. -什么 -正是Haley tried to get her and her friends some fake ID's. 海莉想给自己和她朋友弄些假身份证I wasn't gonna use them for drinking. 我买假身份证不是为了买酒We just wanted to get into this club to see a band. 我们只是想去酒吧看场乐队表演She took a bunch of money from them and then she lost it. 她收了他们一笔钱然后弄丢了- How much? - $900. -多少钱啊 -900美元- Oh, my god! Oh! - You're kidding me! -我的天 -开什么玩笑It's not my fault! 真不怨我I gave money to this guy. He's the one who ripped us off. 我把钱给了那家伙他把我们给忽悠了What happened to your face? 你的脸怎么了- Oh. I ran into a door. - Yeah. -噢我撞门上了 -是啊- What happened to your face? - Dad hit me. -你的脸怎么了 -老爸打的It was an accident. 纯属意外- Phil! - I was trying to open up a band-aid! -菲尔 -我当时是想撕开创可贴What's wrong with her? 她怎么了- Growth spurt. - What's wrong with her? -青春期嗜睡吧 -到底怎么了- I drugged her. - Phil! -我给她下药了 -菲尔I accidentally gave her the nighttime allergy medicine. 我不小心给她吃了夜间服用的过敏药Mm. All right, one thing at a time. 好吧先一桩桩的来Haley, how are you going to repay your friends? 海莉你打算如何把钱还给你朋友I don't know. 我不知道I know. You go there with a couple of guys-- 我知道你带上几个弟兄去找他She's gotta get the money back. Who is this kid? 她会把钱拿回来的那小鬼是谁A guy at school's cousin's friend. He lives in Gardena. 是我同学表哥的朋友他住在加迪纳Well, if you know where he lives, just call the police. 知道他的老巢在哪儿还不简单报警就是了No cops. We can't afford a scandal right now. 不能报警咱家现在不能有丑闻Claire's running for town council. 克莱尔要竞选镇议员呢That was before, 那是之前when I thought you could take care of the children. 我以为你能照顾好孩子们I take my eye off the ball for one minute, 我就一小会儿没盯着孩子and I've got one in a coma, one with a black eye, 他们就一个倒地不起一个变熊猫眼and one running a crime ring. 还有一个在组织犯罪团伙Well, to be fair, Haley started her crime ring 说句公道话海莉的"小犯罪团伙"when your eye was still on the ball. 早在你盯着的时候就已经开始形成了It's not a crime ring. 那可不是犯罪团伙I just gotta get my hands on that $900. 我就是想拿回我那九百元I know how the mafia would handle this. 我知道黑手党一般怎么解决这事儿The kid is right. I'm sick of these smart-ass punks 孩子说得对我最讨厌那些小混混who keep changing the rules 出尔反尔乱了道上规矩and think they can get away with anything they want. 目中无人自以为凌驾一切I'm gonna pay this guy a visit. 我要去会会那家伙Haley, text me his address. 海莉把他地址发给我- I'm going with you. - Me, too. -我和你一起去 -我也去Oh, no. No. Nobody's going anywhere. 不不谁也不能去Okay, we're not vigilantes. 咱又不是治安队的Shotgun! 带上枪No! No weapons! 不别抄家伙啊In my country, it is tradition 按我老家的传统when the men are out seeking vengeance, 当男人出门寻仇时The women--they stay home, and they drink. 女人们就在家喝酒Sometimes I think you just make this stuff up. 有时我觉得你纯粹是胡编乱造的- Do you want a drink or not? - Oh, yeah. -你到底要不要来一瓶 -乐意至极So what happened? 到底是怎么回事You were running for office, and now you're not? 你本来要去竞选现在又不干了吗Mm. I don't really want to talk about that. 我不太想谈这个I know. I am sick and tired of no one needing my help. 我就知道我受够不被人需要的感觉了You are going to tell me what is wrong, 你得告诉我出什么岔子了and I'm gonna give you the right answer, 而我会告诉你怎么解决because I have all of them. 因为我是万事通So why are you not running for office? 说你怎么又不去竞选了Because my family needs me too much. 因为我的家人缺了我不行You saw what just happened. 你刚也看到我们家的各种乱子了Why are you not running for office? 你怎么又不去竞选了That doesn't work on me. 这招对我可没用Why are you not running for office?! 你怎么又不去竞选Because I don't want to lose! 因为我不想输I--pfft! 我靠I haven't done anything outside of my house in 18 years. 我已经18年没在外工作了I don't want the first thing I do to be a complete failure. 我不想我干的第一件事就一败涂地Okay. 好吧I'm gonna tell you a story about a little girl 我要给你讲个小女孩的故事who entered a beauty pageant... 她去参加一次选美even though she was very, very scared that she was going to lose. 尽管她非常非常害怕失败Let me guess. You won. 让我猜猜你赢了Of course I won, 我当然赢了But I was talking about my cousin Maria Conchita. 但我说的是我表妹玛丽亚·肯奇塔She had a nose like a toucan. 她鼻子大得像巨嘴鸟She stuffed her body in this bikini. 非得把身体塞进比基尼里And at the end, she finished dead last. 最后她光荣牺牲了How is that a good story? 这故事的启迪作用在哪儿Because she faced her fears, and it didn't kill her. 因为她直面恐惧没被恐惧吓死What killed her two weeks later was a bus. 她是两周后被一辆公交车撞死的Are you serious? 有没有搞错啊你Yes, because she couldn't see anything coming with that big nose. 她那鼻子太大了挡视线没看见车碾过来This guy has won six elections. 我的竞争对手赢过6次选举I am way out of my league. 我真是力不从心Look, I don't know anything about this guy, 听着我不了解你那竞争对手But I know that you're a tough lady, 但我知道你是个女强人and I come from a family of tough ladies. 姐姐我从小就是在女强人家吓大的And I have to say, sometimes you scare me a little bit. 我必须承认有时你的霸气绝对吓到我And I know that you're strong enough to win 所以我坚信你必胜And definitely strong enough to be okay if you lose. 就算输了也会一笑而过I scare you? 我有吓到你Are you kidding me? 那还用说I want thanksgiving at my house! 今年感恩节要在老娘家过[上季剧情]Why does everybody think I talk like that? 为何人人都觉得我说话就是那样的This is it. 就是这儿了W-w-wait. No, no. Come on. Do we have a plan? 等等别急我们有作战计划吗It doesn't seem like we have a plan. 貌似没计划好吧Yeah, I got a plan. Either he gives us the money, 哥有计划那小兔崽子要是不还钱Yeah, I got a plan. Either he gives us the money, [原指一个双人歌唱组合]Or he gets a private performance from England Dan and John Ford Coley.就让他尝尝哥的哼哼哈嘿双截棍That's not a good plan. That's not even a good band. 你那算毛的好计划啊那乐队本身就烂死了If all you're gonna do is criticize, just wait by the car. 你要是只想唧唧歪歪还是在车里等着吧Okay, fine. 好吧I'll see you in jail. 等我去探监你们吧It's gonna be a big adjustment for two of you. 你俩可得花一大笔保释金-Yeah? -You peter? -什么事 -你是皮特吗What do you want? 有何贵干。

Okay, let's see... 好我看看...Oh, could, you grab me an extra virgin... 帮我去拿一瓶特级初榨[处女]I think one's enough for the sacrifice. 我觉得有一个作为祭品就够了Olive oil, Phil. 橄榄油菲尔Come on. That's funny. 笑一个多逗啊Oh, it's funnier than your freestyle "Sandwich rap." 确实比你的三明治说唱好笑Girl, you crazy. 姑娘你个疯子I'm mad fun to shop with. 跟我一起购物最有趣了Trapped in between two whole wheat slices. 徘徊在两个全麦面粉货架之间Pastrami and swiss are my only vices. 唯五香熏牛肉和芝士与我相伴Sweetie, my shoe. Come on. Jesus. God. 亲爱的我的鞋看着点真是的Hello. 你好Hi. 你好Oh, roadblock. 路障- Beep beep! - Pardon me. -哔哔哔 -不好意思Are you okay? 你没事吧Actually, not okay. 事实上有事Not okay. 事儿大了Honey, did you pull from the bottom again? 亲爱的你是不是又从底下抽罐头了So after hors d'oeuvres, 开胃菜之后We'll bring everyone in here to share the news. 我们把大家召集到客厅宣布这个消息We're having the family over tomorrow night 我们叫全家人明晚过来聚餐to tell them we're planning on adopting a new baby. 告诉大家我们打算再收养一个小孩Yes, and we both agreed 是的而且我们都同意to--to go a little more low-key with the announcement this time.这次选择低调一点的方式宣布这个消息*Let's hear it for the boy ... 来听听爱子的声音吧*Okay, just to be clear, this is low-key? 我就问问清楚这是低调吗It's a banner 就一条横幅And just some light musical accompaniment, Mitchell. 还有些轻音乐伴奏米奇尔I don't have a lower key. 我不能再低调了Besides, this is a happy occasion. 再说了这是个欢乐的场合Am I right, lily? 对吧莉莉Aren't you excited to get a new baby brother? 你马上就有个弟弟了是不是很开心No! I hate the baby! 不我讨厌宝宝We are having a slight issue 我们遇到了一点小问题getting Lily on board with the adoption. 暂时尚未说服莉莉同意我们收养个儿子"I hate the baby." "我讨厌宝宝""No new baby." "不要新宝宝""I wanna make the baby dead." "我想弄死那宝宝"I thought we weren't gonna share that one. 我们不是说好了不提这句的吗I-I-I just hope that the problem is 我我我只是希望问题出在she hasn't spent much time with any babies. 她只是跟其他小孩相处太少了So we thought it would be a great idea 所以我们想了个好主意to show her how much fun it'll be to have one around. 如果有个孩子陪着她她就会知道多有乐趣了oh, he is so cute! 他真可爱Yeah, and he never cries. 是的他从不哭闹Literally never. It's actually a little weird. 真的是没哭过真是有点怪了Oh, no, that's not weird. 不这没什么My sister was born with a full set of teeth. 我姐姐出生时全部牙齿已经长齐了Yeah, that never happened. 乱说的没那回事No? Really? You should've seen her crib. 没你不信你该看看她的婴儿床It looked like beavers lived there. 就像是海狸睡过被咬的乱七八糟Oh, is this Lily? 这是莉莉吗oh, yes, it is. Hey, honey. Say hi to the baby. 对是她亲爱的跟小家伙问好My daddy! 这是我爸爸Okay, so that's one problem solved. 起码小孩儿不哭的问题是解决了Bye! See you soon! 再见再见Or never. 或者再也不见Cam, I'm a little freaked out about what Lily did. 小卡我有点被莉莉的举动吓坏了Oh, please. She barely touched him, 想太多了她都没怎么碰到他And he went from zero to big crybaby. 他就毫无缘由地大哭大闹We're talking about bringing another child into this house. 我们现在是要让这个家多个小成员How's that gonna work with Lily being so possessive of you?莉莉对你的占有欲这么强怎么能行Why am I hearing an accusatory tone? 我怎么听到指责的语气Oh, come on. You have to admit that you do coddle her. 拜托你得承认你对他过于溺爱了I will not apologize for loving our daughter. 我不会为爱我们的女儿而道歉I'm not criticizing. 我不是在批评你I'm not only criticizing, 我不只是在批评你But we did talk about giving Lily a little more independence.我的意思是我们要让莉莉更独立一些Yeah, which is why we put her in preschool. 没错所以我们才把她送去幼儿园的啊Yes, but you can't bear to leave her there. 对但你却舍不得把她留在那儿You always pick her up early. 你总是早早地去接她That is ridiculous. 没有的事Okay. Okay. 好好Lily, honey, 莉莉亲爱的Did daddy pick you up early from preschool today? 今天爸爸提前去幼儿园接你了吗No. 没有Case closed. "就此结案"We didn't go. 我根本没去上学Case opened. "重新立案"We went shopping. 我们去购物了That's enough. 好了好了We bought matchy hats. 我们买了父女帽you are going to your room. 你得回房去了You're both going to her room. 你也跟进去干嘛Do we spend a lot of time together? Yes. 我们常常黏在一起吗是的Do we have a special bond? Absolutely. 我们父女感情甚密吗当然But do I coddle her more than any other loving parent? 但说我过于溺爱她远超过其他慈母仁父It's possible. 也许是吧And for Lily's sake, I should probably work on that. 为了莉莉我应该少一点溺爱No, you calm down! 不你给我冷静This is how I talk when somebody accuses my Manny of stealing.有人指责我的曼尼偷东西我就这样说话- Who is that? - It's the principal. -是谁 -是校长He's saying that Manny stole some girl's locket. 他说曼尼偷了个什么女生的小吊坠What, do you think that all colombians are criminals, 你以为所有的哥伦比亚人都是罪犯because a colombian necktie 因为哥伦比亚领带is a symbol of violence all over the world? 在全球都是暴力的标志吗No, no, I'm not threatening you. 不不我不是在恐吓你Okay. Apology accepted. 好的我接受你的道歉No, I didn't mean anything about the necktie. 没有我提到领带并没有什么特殊意思I just--I was trying to make a point. 我只是我只是随便举个例子说说Could you "L." a little less "O.L." 你能不能笑得不那么大声Don't you see what I'm trying to do here? 你没看见我在干嘛吗Die alone? 孤独地死去吗Girls, dinner! 姑娘们吃饭了You know, why does Luke get his own room, 为什么卢克有自己的房间and I still have to share with you? I can't take it anymore. 我却要和你住一间我再也受不了了Me either, even if it is just for one more year... 我也是即使只还有一年而已when I leave for college. 到时我就去读大学It is one more year or when you leave for college? 是确定只忍受一年还是等你上大学的时候Because those happen to be two different things. 那完全两码事能不能上大学还不一定呢So I hear this little voice coming from the cans 我听到罐头堆中传来个小声音And it's like... 好像是在喊"Help! I fell in the peaches!" "救救我我被桃子淹没了"that's mom! 太是妈妈的风格了- Hilarious! - So hilarious. -太欢乐了 -绝对欢乐I'm like, "Claire?" 我想着是克莱尔在喊吗You might wanna tell them that it was you 也许你该告诉他们Who pushed me into the peaches in the first place. 是你把我推过去的This again? I wasn't even near you. 又来了我当时几乎都没靠近你Yes, you were! You knocked me with the cart. 不你就在我旁边你把我撞到推车上It was completely your fault. 那完完全全是你的错Well, let's just agree to disagree. 让我们求同存异行吗No. I-I disagree to disagree. 不行我现在全是"异见"Then you agree. 负负得正了No. No, I don't, because I'm right. 不不没有我是对的Okay, claire. You're right. 好吧克莱尔你是对的as usual. 一如往常- No, I am right. - like always. -不我就是对的 -一直都是Stop it. When I am wrong, I admit it. 行了如果我真错了我会承认的which is never. 从未发生Fine. Fine. 好吧好吧You're a little jumpy tonight, Manny. Anything wrong? 你今晚有点不正常啊曼尼出什么事了吗No. Well, I'm just gonna-- 没有我刚想Have a seat, kid. 孩子坐下You know, maybe it's me, 也许是我的错觉But I thought you were kinda squirrelly tonight, you know, 但我感觉你今天有点古怪Before when your mom was on the phone with the principal. 在你妈妈接到校长电话之前Almost like you wanted to say something... 我感觉你好像想说些什么but you just couldn't. 但你却说不出口anything you wanna say now, Manny? 现在有什么想说的吗曼尼No. I have nothing to say. 没有我没什么好说的You sure about that? 你确定Think real hard. 好好想想Could I get a glass of water? 我能喝杯水吗That girl's locket-- you took it, didn't you? 那个姑娘的小吊坠是你拿的对吧- Didn't you? - Yes.Yes, I took it. -对不对 -是的是我拿的- I didn't mean to. - I don't wanna hear any excuses. -我不是故意的 -我不想听你的借口You're gonna tell your mom, and you're gonna set this right. 你去告诉你妈妈然后把问题解决了Do you understand? 明白了吗All right, get out of here. 好的走吧Just one more thing. 还有一件事You're not, um... 你没有...You're not wearing that locket, are you? 你偷那个吊坠不是为了自己戴吧No. Of course not. 没有当然没有It's a girl's. Why would I want to wear it? 那是女孩戴的我干嘛要戴It's no reason. 我就随口一问Mom, hurry up! I don't want to be late for school. 妈妈快点我不想迟到You didn't tell her,did you? 你没告诉她是吧What's the hurry this morning? 为什么今早这么着急Okay, what's with the looks? 你们爷俩的表情是怎么回事It's like a silent movie in here. Okay. 就像在看默片一样I was walking behind this girl Alicia, who's moving away, 我跟在一个叫阿丽莎的姑娘后面她要搬家了And I was working up the courage to get her new address我好不容易鼓起勇气想要她的新地址So I can write her. 这样我就能给他写信了I express myself a lot better on paper than-- 我比较擅长用文字表达自己Ticktock, kid. 别太忽悠孩子Well, she dropped her locket, and I picked it up, 好吧她的吊坠掉了然后我就捡起来了But she kept walking, and I... 但是她一直在走我You stole the locket. 你偷了吊坠After I told the principal 我还告诉校长That you could have never done something like that, 你绝不会做出这样的事情And I threaten him with the colombian necktie! 我还用哥伦比亚领带威胁他Manny, why? 为什么曼尼Don't worry. It wasn't 'cause he wanted to wear it. 别担心他偷来不是因为自己想戴I thought I could keep it as something to remember her by. 我只是想留个纪念But then you were yelling at Mr. Vickers, 但是后来你冲着维克斯先生大喊And I-I was just too scared to tell you. 我就不敢告诉你了Go to the car. 上车- I'm really sorry. - Go. -我真的很抱歉 -快去Why would he do something like that? 他怎么会做出这样的事It's bad enough that he's the boy 他已经够怪异的了with the pan flute and the puffy shirts and--and the poems. 爱吹排笛体型臃肿没事儿就吟诗作对Now he's the jewelry thief. 现在还成了珠宝大盗Might be an upgrade. 已经算上升个等级了Ay, Jay, this is not funny. 杰这可不好笑Those things stick to you. 这种污点终生都洗不掉啊My cousin Rosa Marina-- 我表妹洛萨·玛丽娜When she was 14, she stole something, and after that, 她14岁的时候偷了东西从那之后Everybody thinks of her as the girl who steals cars. 所有人都把她当成是偷车贼She stole a car? 她偷了一辆车Cars. 不止一辆But after she got that label, what else could she do? 但她一旦被贴上那样的标签她还能干什么呢Listen, you can't control what kids think, 听着你不能控制孩子的想法But you can make sure he learns from this. 但是你能让他从这次的事件中得到教训You take him to the principal's office, 你带他去校长办公室He owns up to it, he never does it again. 他承认错误然后就不会再犯Okay. Okay. 好吧好吧But what was he thinking? 他是怎么想的This is not even real gold. 这都不是真金的No way, Haley! It was my idea! I'm taking this room! 不可能海莉这是我的主意我要这间Over my dead body! 痴心妄想This is going to be my room, 我要定了这间房And there's nothing you can do about it! 你连想也别想Seriously? 有点过吧What are you guys fighting about? 你们在吵什么Okay, so we both think 我们都觉得That this would make a totally awesome bedroom. 这里做卧室再合适不过了But only one of us can have it. 但只有一个人能拥有它Don't you think it should be me? 你不觉得应该是我吗Oh, so not. It should be me. Right, Luke? 是你的才怪应该是我的对吧卢克why do you guys wanna move into the attic? 你们为什么想搬进阁楼来Oh, you mean "The penthouse"? 你是说"顶层公寓"吗With all the privacy of being on its very own floor? 隐私得到极大保护的独层公寓噢It is kinda cool. 确实不错I'm not an idiot. 我不是白痴I knew what they were up to, 我知道她们在打什么鬼主意but I've been wanting to move for a while. 不过我也一直想挪个窝There's a line of ants 有一队蚂蚁going to a trick-or-treat bag in my closet, 正在向我衣橱里万圣节的糖袋子进军and I don't want to still be there 我可不希望它们吃腻了糖when they get tired of candy. 就拿我当肉宰割Good morning, princess. 早上好小公主Good morning, Lily. 早上好莉莉Very adorable, Mitchell, 真可爱米奇尔but I'm having kind of a rough morning, 但是今天早上对我来说太艰难了Daddy, up. 爹地抱抱I'm sorry, Lily, those days are over. 对不起莉莉好日子到头了Now here's your lunch. 这是你的午饭Go get your bag. We will be leaving shortly. 去把你的书包拿来我们马上出发Cam, you don't have to ice her out completely. 小卡你也不用对她这么冷冰冰啊Do you think I'm enjoying this? 你以为我愿意这么做吗But I need her to detach from me before the new thing comes 但是我得让她在新东西来之前摆脱对我的依赖or who knows what she'll do to it. 不然的话鬼知道她会对他怎么样Why are you saying "Thing" Instead of "Baby"? 你为什么把"宝宝"说成"东西"Kill the new baby. 干掉新宝宝Oh. Um, look, I-I-I know this is hard, 我知道这么做很难受but I really appreciate what you're doing. 我也很欣赏你的挽救措施And believe me, 相信我I take no pleasure in seeing you suffer like this. 看着你受此煎熬我也很难过I take a little pleasure. 我其实有点偷着乐No, but there--there are very few parenting issues 主要是因为在为人父母这方面上where I come out on top. 我向来都表现比他糟糕You know, I'm distant. I work too much. 我跟家人有点疏远我工作太忙了My French braiding is "Sloppy." 我给莉莉编的法式辫子像乱麻Finally, you know, something that isn't my fault. 终于有些事不是我的错了Ready. 准备好了Could you please just go put her in her car seat 你可不可以把她抱进车里while I compose myself? 我需要淡定一下All right, you know what, Cam? 好的那个小卡Why don't I just take Lily to preschool on my way to work?不如我上班时候顺便送她去幼儿园吧I think that would be best. 那敢情儿好Let me just whip up a smoothie for you before you go. 出发之前让我来给你弄一份冰沙I push the buttons, daddy. 我要按那个按钮爹地You certainly do. "好呀"What do you think the principal's going to do to me? 你觉得校长会怎么处理我I am a first-time offender. 我是初犯Oh, great. Now I'm tardy. Strike two. 这下好了我还迟到了罪加一等Manny, think of this in a positive way, 曼尼态度积极点- Like it is your "Ha ha" moment. - What does that mean? -把它当成你的"哈哈"时刻 -什么意思That means that one day, you're gonna laugh about it. 意思是将来有一天你会一笑置之的Ah, I should've just given that stupid necklace back to Alicia我当时就该把那该死的吊坠还给阿丽莎的When she was standing right next to her locker. 那时候她就站在她的储物柜旁边This is the worst day of my life, 这是我一生中最糟糕的一天till tomorrow... Oh. 明天也是And every day after that. Oh. 还有以后的每一天Come on, mom. Let's get this over with. 走吧妈妈让我们快点解决这件事- Wait. - What? -等一下 -怎么了Which one did you say that it was her locker? This one? 你说哪个是她的储物柜这个吗Mm-hmm. The one that smells like rose oil. 是的那个闻起来像玫瑰精油的味道Mom? 妈妈Keep the lookout. 把好风Now promise me that you will never, ever do anything dishonest again. 现在向我保证你再也不做这种事了I promise. 我保证Okay, because that's not the way I raised you. 很好我养的儿子可不是珠宝大盗Don't tell Jay anything, okay? 对杰一定要守口如瓶好吗- Hi, Lily. - All right, Lily. -早上好莉莉 -好了莉莉Hi. Have fun, sweetheart. 玩的开心甜心儿Bye. 再见She is so sweet. 她真可爱Oh, thanks. Well, you should've seen her yesterday. 谢谢你真应该看看她昨天的样子Yeah, she pushed a baby off of Cam's lap. 她直接把一个宝宝从小卡膝上推下去了I know. I know. 我知道我知道She is so possessive of him, but, you know, 她对小卡的占有欲太强了Cam's really working on trying not to coddle her so much, 小卡正在努力不那么宠着她了So... 所以I'm not really sure it's about coddling. 我不觉得这和宠溺有关系Sounds more like a sharing issue. 更像是分享方面的问题You know, we've noticed Lily has a hard time with that.我们注意到莉莉不愿意与别人分享东西- Really? - I wouldn't worry. -是吗 -我并不担心Kids usually pick that habit up from other kids, 小孩子通常会从别的小孩身上学到Except the ones that pick it up from their parents. 也有些是从父母那里学到的We have a few of those in here. 我们这有几个小孩子就是这样Of course, I can't share those names with you... 当然我不能告诉这些孩子的名字until I get a glass of wine in my hand. 除非我喝高了酒后吐真言Oh. Oh, Miss Elaine. 你真逗伊莱恩小姐I have been told that I might have the teensiest issue with sharing.别人的确说过我可能有那么一丁点"分享障碍"But is that something Lily would even pick up on? 但是莉莉真的是从我身上学到的吗My chicken. 我的鸡肉My pillow. 我的枕头Daddy's pen. 爹地的笔Okay, it's possible. 好吧有可能And I suppose for Lily's sake, I-I should work on that... 为了莉莉我应该改改了privately. because right now we really need to 偷偷地改因为现在我们真的应该get Cam's coddling problem under control. 先搞定小卡的溺爱问题What's going on? 怎么回事Moving into the attic. 搬到阁楼去睡Give me a day or two to get settled, then I'll have you up. 给我一两天时间安定下来我再请你上去坐坐When did all this happen? 你什么时候决定挪窝了Depends on who you ask. 这要看你问谁了My plan's been in motion for three weeks. 我是已经觊觎了三周了Honey, this is a terrible idea. You're gonna hate it up there. 亲爱的这是个糟糕的主意你会厌恶上面的Mom, stay out of this. 妈妈你别插手了Yeah. We all have our own rooms now. Everybody wins. 现在我们都有自己的房间了三赢Well, don't get too comfortable in there, girls. 不要太爽女孩儿们Luke, it's cold, and it's scary up there. 卢克上面很冷也很恐怖You're gonna be back in your own room by tomorrow night. 你明天晚上就会回到自己房间的I don't know, Claire. It's got a lot of potential. 我不明白克莱尔这里潜力无限This is a lot nicer than the attic I lived in when we met. 这个比我们相遇时我住的那个好多了One night, if that. Trust me on this. 相信我再舒适他也最多坚持一晚Oh, yes, because you're always right. 噢对啊因为你永远是对的Sweetheart, I would love to be wrong. 孩儿们我倒是想错一次I just don't live with the right people for that. 但你们把错都犯完了我想错都难啊Let it go, kids. She's not gonna budge. 算了吧你妈是永不妥协的- Kept me up all night with the-- - Phil, you did push me! -会唠叨我一晚上这事儿 -菲尔的确是你推到我的Your word against mine. 你的说法跟我不一致Guess it's one of those things we'll just never know, 估计也很难搞清真相了就像那些未解之谜Like what really happened to the "Titanic." 好比泰坦尼克号沉没的真相It hit an iceberg. 泰坦尼克是撞冰山了- Maybe. - Mm, there's no maybe. -或许吧 -必须的Oh, you're right, Claire. 好吧你是对的克莱尔Again. 又对了哦Surprise, surprise. 见怪不怪Okay, I-I will see you over at uncle Mitchell's. 好吧我们一会儿在米奇尔舅舅家见I'm gonna skip this meeting of the pile-on Claire club. 我得逃离这个批斗克莱尔大会Guess I pushed her into that pile, too. 估计也是我把她推到那个"大会"上的I spend half my life waiting on you. 我都等你们半辈子了How many times do you have to change your outfit? 你出门一次到底得换几次行头Sorry, Jay. Too many choices is a prison. 抱歉杰选择太多也是个烦恼Just drive before he rethinks the pants. 趁他还想换条裤子之前赶紧走- What's wrong with my pants?! - Go. Go. Go. -我裤子怎么了 -快快So, Manny, how'd it go with the principal today? 曼尼今天跟校长谈得如何It was terrible, but he was brave, and now it's over. 不是很好但儿子很勇敢都过去了- Right, Manny? - Mm-hmm. -对吧宝贝儿 -没错- So d-- - what'd they give you? Detention? Suspension? -那个 -他们让你罚站还是停课No, just a warning because it was first offense. 没有因为是初犯只给了警告- So how was work? - Great. -今天工作如何啊 -挺好的Just a warning, huh? 只给了警告是吧Like she said. 我妈说得没错So I ask about work, and you change the subject. 我问你工作你就给我打岔Are you trying to hide something? 是不是瞒着我什么No, I just wanna make sure he's okay. You okay? 没有啊我只想确保孩子没事你没事吧'cause, I mean, it looks like you're sweatin' bullets back there, kid. 我就是有点疑惑你怎么汗如雨下的Stop grilling him. First the principal, now you. 别逼他了先是校长又是你This poor boy has been screamed at all day. 这个可怜的孩子被折磨了一整天- Well, not to mention-- - Quiet! I've got this. -更别提 -闭嘴我正掌控全局呢- Where is Lily? - Um, she's getting dressed. -莉莉呢 -她在穿衣服All by herself? 自己穿吗- Cam is encouraging her to be more independent. - Oh. -小卡正在鼓励她更独立 -原来如此And there she is! 小公主驾到Doesn't she look beautiful? 美极了吧She looks like she was dipped in glue, 她就像沾完了胶水and dragged through a flea market. 然后从跳蚤市场里拖出来的- Hey there! - Hi! -大家好 -来了啊- Guys. Come on in. There's hors d'oeuvres. - How's it going? -快进来开胃菜准备好了 -大家好吗Hey, do you guys have any old furniture? 你们家有旧家具吗I'm moving into the attic. 我正要搬到阁楼住- The attic? - Hey, at least it's big. -住阁楼吗 -至少足够大Grandpa said you used to live in the closet. 外公说你以前住柜子里[同性恋隐瞒性取向] Okay. Well, you know what? 好吧听我说Yeah, we'll absolutely find you something for sure. Okay? 我们会给你找些家具用的My daddy! 爸爸是我的Lily, no! 莉莉别这样I-I'm sorry, Luke. 卢克抱歉This isn't over. 这事没完Oh, my god. Mitchell, she's getting worse. 天呐小米她越来越放肆了I have turned her into a pushy, little, entitled monster, 我把她变成了一个放肆无礼的小怪物on her way to a rap sheet and a bracelet on her ankle. 她将来肯定会被逮捕被戴上脚铐的Oh, she has a bracelet on her ankle. 不是吧她已经戴上脚铐了Cam. 小卡Cam, Cam. 小卡冷静This--this might not be entirely your fault. 这或许不全是你的责任No, it is. 还能是谁的I spoke with Lily's teacher. 我跟莉莉的老师谈过了And she thinks that--that she may have a problem with sharing, 老师觉得她可能有分享障碍Which she might have gotten from-- 她可能是从什么人身上学的...You. You don't like to share. 就是你啊你不愿与人分享No, I do it to make a point sometimes. 不我有时那样做是想说明某个道理Like, if you want the chicken, then order the chicken. 比如你想吃鸡肉就自己点啊Wait, when did you talk to Lily's teacher? 等一下你什么时候去跟莉莉老师谈的Uh, today, when I--when I dropped her off at school. 今天我送她上学时候And you let me suffer all day? 然后你居然让我自责了一整天All right, look, we--we can't do this with everybody here. 我错了但我们不能在大伙儿面前说这些吧- Can we please just get through the evening? - Yes, -至少过了今晚再说 -好吧but we are not making the announcement tonight. 但我们今晚不宣布领养孩子的事儿了Because that is a joyful thing, 因为那本应是件高兴的事情And I am not feeling very joyful right now. 但我现在极为不高兴Well, I share your feeling. 好吧我分享到[感受到]你的怒火了Just so you know, I'm on to you. 告诉你吧我看出你的把戏了You never took Manny to the principal. 你根本没带曼尼去找校长Okay, play it like that, but I know Manny. 你继续装但我了解曼尼He has more of a conscience than you have. 他比你有良知He's not gonna be able to live with this. 他没法忍受良心受到谴责的You'd be surprised what people can live with, Jay. 杰别小看良心的承受能力Hi, Miss Lily. How's my big girl doing? 莉莉小公主你好吗Good. 很好Can you tell me how old you are now? 告诉我你今年几岁了3. 三岁That's 4. This is 3. 那表示四岁这是三岁Okay, show me again. How old are you? 来再说一次你几岁了- 3. - No! That many is 4. -三岁 -不对那是四岁This many is 3. 这才是三岁Don't argue, Lily. You'll never win. 别争了莉莉你说不过她的Really, Phil? 是吗菲尔Okay, I-I was gonna wait until we got home for this, 好吧我本来打算回家再放这个的But now I think it's something everyone's gonna enjoy.但现在我决定让大家分享这个开心一刻Guys, everybody, come on down to the TV room. 大伙儿都到客厅来I've got something really special to share. 给你们看个精彩的真人秀Okay, how's everybody on drinks? 每人来点喝的吗If this is Alex's graduation again, just leave me the bottle.如果又像上次艾丽克斯毕业典礼那样给我一整瓶吧I'm good, Cam. 我不要了小卡Okay, everybody. 大家就坐了Showtime. 好戏开始Oh, my gosh. It's us at the market. 我靠居然是那天在超市的录像- How did you-- - Yeah, it's security camera footage. -你怎么搞到的 -没错超市监控录像I don't understand. What are we watching? 我不明白我们要看什么It ain't "The godfather," I can tell you that much. 我可以跟你说绝对不是《教父》Okay, look, I fell yesterday at the market, 好的听着我昨天在商场里跌倒了And Phil and I have been having a little disagreement 菲尔跟我在责任问题上as to what happened. Just watch. Okay, right here. 持不同意见看着就是这儿I stop to fix my shoe, and then Phil-- 我停下来去整理鞋子然后菲尔right there. Okay. 在那里好的He makes way for this very attractive woman, 他给一位漂亮的女士让路whom he conveniently leaves out of his retelling of the story. 在他的叙述中他把这段艳遇省略了Now right here, Phil backs up, 就在这时菲尔往后退了一步pushes his butt into the cart, 屁股撞到了购物车pushes me into the cans! 让我撞到了那一堆罐头上Do you see that?! Oh! 看到了没It's all his fault, just like I said! 都是他的错就跟我说的一样I was right! Suck it! 我才是对的去死吧- When did you get this-- - Oh, my god. -你什么时候拿到的 -我的天呐That's why you wanted to come separately. 这就是为什么你想单独过来You went to all that trouble just to prove you were right?你搞得那么麻烦就为了证明你是对的It really wasn't that much trouble. 其实也没那么麻烦I just went to the store, found your friend Jordan the bag boy, 我只是到商场找到你的朋友乔丹who got me the manager. 他帮我找到了经理He gave me the address of the off-site security office. 他给了我远程安保室的地址I filled out some paperwork. Sally faxed it to corporate. 我填了几张表萨利把它传真到公司Three minutes later, I'm buying pack of dvds and burning a copy. 三分钟后我买了张DVD 刻了一张碟Cake. 小事一桩It's like a sickness. 疯狂到病态啊What? None of you believed me, 干嘛谁叫你们都不信我so I got proof. 我只好自证清白咯You should all be sucking it right now. 你们现在都去死吧Hey, please stop with the "Sucking it," Claire. 你能别再说"去死"好吗克莱尔。

Okay, let's see...Oh, could, you grab me an extra virgin...I think one's enough for the sacrifice.Olive oil, Phil.Come on. That's funny.Oh, it's funnier than your freestyle "Sandwich rap."Girl, you crazy.I'm mad fun to shop with.Trapped in between two whole wheat slices.Pastrami and swiss are my only vices.Sweetie, my shoe. Come on. Jesus. God.Hello.Hi.Oh, roadblock.- Beep beep! - Pardon me.Are you okay?Actually, not okay.Not okay.Honey, did you pull from the bottom again?So after hors d'oeuvres,We'll bring everyone in here to share the news.We're having the family over tomorrow nightto tell them we're planning on adopting a new baby.Yes, and we both agreedto--to go a little more low-key with the announcement this time. *Let's hear it for the boy ...Okay, just to be clear, this is low-key?It's a bannerAnd just some light musical accompaniment, Mitchell.I don't have a lower key.Besides, this is a happy occasion.Am I right, lily?Aren't you excited to get a new baby brother?No! I hate the baby!We are having a slight issuegetting Lily on board with the adoption."I hate the baby.""No new baby.""I wanna make the baby dead."I thought we weren't gonna share that one.I-I-I just hope that the problem isshe hasn't spent much time with any babies.So we thought it would be a great ideato show her how much fun it'll be to have one around. oh, he is so cute!Yeah, and he never cries.Literally never. It's actually a little weird.Oh, no, that's not weird.My sister was born with a full set of teeth.Yeah, that never happened.No? Really? You should've seen her crib.It looked like beavers lived there.Oh, is this Lily?oh, yes, it is. Hey, honey. Say hi to the baby.My daddy!Okay, so that's one problem solved.Bye! See you soon!Or never.Cam, I'm a little freaked out about what Lily did.Oh, please. She barely touched him,And he went from zero to big crybaby.We're talking about bringing another child into this house. How's that gonna work with Lily being so possessive of you? Why am I hearing an accusatory tone?Oh, come on. You have to admit that you do coddle her.I will not apologize for loving our daughter.I'm not criticizing.I'm not only criticizing,But we did talk about giving Lily a little more independence. Yeah, which is why we put her in preschool.Yes, but you can't bear to leave her there.You always pick her up early.That is ridiculous.Okay. Okay.Lily, honey,Did daddy pick you up early from preschool today?No.Case closed.We didn't go.Case opened.We went shopping.That's enough.We bought matchy hats.you are going to your room.You're both going to her room.Do we spend a lot of time together? Yes.Do we have a special bond? Absolutely.But do I coddle her more than any other loving parent?It's possible.And for Lily's sake, I should probably work on that.No, you calm down!This is how I talk when somebody accuses my Manny of stealing. - Who is that? - It's the principal.He's saying that Manny stole some girl's locket.What, do you think that all colombians are criminals,because a colombian necktieis a symbol of violence all over the world?No, no, I'm not threatening you.Okay. Apology accepted.No, I didn't mean anything about the necktie.I just--I was trying to make a point.Could you "L." a little less "O.L."Don't you see what I'm trying to do here?Die alone?Girls, dinner!You know, why does Luke get his own room,and I still have to share with you? I can't take it anymore. Me either, even if it is just for one more year...when I leave for college.It is one more year or when you leave for college? Because those happen to be two different things.So I hear this little voice coming from the cansAnd it's like..."Help! I fell in the peaches!"that's mom!- Hilarious! - So hilarious.I'm like, "Claire?"You might wanna tell them that it was youWho pushed me into the peaches in the first place.This again? I wasn't even near you.Yes, you were! You knocked me with the cart.It was completely your fault.Well, let's just agree to disagree.No. I-I disagree to disagree.Then you agree.No. No, I don't, because I'm right.Okay, claire. You're right.as usual.- No, I am right. - like always.Stop it. When I am wrong, I admit it.which is never.Fine. Fine.You're a little jumpy tonight, Manny. Anything wrong? No. Well, I'm just gonna--Have a seat, kid.You know, maybe it's me,But I thought you were kinda squirrelly tonight, you know, Before when your mom was on the phone with the principal. Almost like you wanted to say something...but you just couldn't.anything you wanna say now, Manny?No. I have nothing to say.You sure about that?Think real hard.Could I get a glass of water?That girl's locket-- you took it, didn't you?- Didn't you? - Yes.Yes, I took it.- I didn't mean to. - I don't wanna hear any excuses.You're gonna tell your mom, and you're gonna set this right. Do you understand?All right, get out of here.Just one more thing.You're not, um...You're not wearing that locket, are you?No. Of course not.It's a girl's. Why would I want to wear it?It's no reason.Mom, hurry up! I don't want to be late for school.You didn't tell her,did you?What's the hurry this morning?Okay, what's with the looks?It's like a silent movie in here. Okay.I was walking behind this girl Alicia, who's moving away, And I was working up the courage to get her new address So I can write her.I express myself a lot better on paper than--Ticktock, kid.Well, she dropped her locket, and I picked it up,But she kept walking, and I...You stole the locket.After I told the principalThat you could have never done something like that,And I threaten him with the colombian necktie! Manny, why?Don't worry. It wasn't 'cause he wanted to wear it.I thought I could keep it as something to remember her by. But then you were yelling at Mr. Vickers,And I-I was just too scared to tell you.Go to the car.- I'm really sorry. - Go.Why would he do something like that?It's bad enough that he's the boywith the pan flute and the puffy shirts and--and the poems. Now he's the jewelry thief.Might be an upgrade.Ay, Jay, this is not funny.Those things stick to you.My cousin Rosa Marina--When she was 14, she stole something, and after that, Everybody thinks of her as the girl who steals cars.She stole a car?Cars.But after she got that label, what else could she do? Listen, you can't control what kids think,But you can make sure he learns from this.You take him to the principal's office,He owns up to it, he never does it again.Okay. Okay.But what was he thinking?This is not even real gold.No way, Haley! It was my idea! I'm taking this room! Over my dead body!This is going to be my room,And there's nothing you can do about it!Seriously?What are you guys fighting about?Okay, so we both thinkThat this would make a totally awesome bedroom.But only one of us can have it.Don't you think it should be me?Oh, so not. It should be me. Right, Luke?why do you guys wanna move into the attic?Oh, you mean "The penthouse"?With all the privacy of being on its very own floor?It is kinda cool.I'm not an idiot.I knew what they were up to,but I've been wanting to move for a while.There's a line of antsgoing to a trick-or-treat bag in my closet,and I don't want to still be therewhen they get tired of candy.Good morning, princess.Good morning, Lily.Very adorable, Mitchell,but I'm having kind of a rough morning,Daddy, up.I'm sorry, Lily, those days are over.Now here's your lunch.Go get your bag. We will be leaving shortly.Cam, you don't have to ice her out completely.Do you think I'm enjoying this?But I need her to detach from me before the new thing comes or who knows what she'll do to it.Why are you saying "Thing" Instead of "Baby"?Kill the new baby.Oh. Um, look, I-I-I know this is hard,but I really appreciate what you're doing.And believe me,I take no pleasure in seeing you suffer like this.I take a little pleasure.No, but there--there are very few parenting issueswhere I come out on top.You know, I'm distant. I work too much.My French braiding is "Sloppy."Finally, you know, something that isn't my fault. Ready.Could you please just go put her in her car seatwhile I compose myself?All right, you know what, Cam?Why don't I just take Lily to preschool on my way to work?I think that would be best.Let me just whip up a smoothie for you before you go.I push the buttons, daddy.You certainly do.What do you think the principal's going to do to me?I am a first-time offender.Oh, great. Now I'm tardy. Strike two.Manny, think of this in a positive way,- Like it is your "Ha ha" moment. - What does that mean?That means that one day, you're gonna laugh about it.Ah, I should've just given that stupid necklace back to AliciaWhen she was standing right next to her locker.This is the worst day of my life,till tomorrow... Oh.And every day after that. Oh.Come on, mom. Let's get this over with.- Wait. - What?Which one did you say that it was her locker? This one?Mm-hmm. The one that smells like rose oil.Mom?Keep the lookout.Now promise me that you will never, ever do anything dishonest again.I promise.Okay, because that's not the way I raised you.Don't tell Jay anything, okay?- Hi, Lily. - All right, Lily.Hi. Have fun, sweetheart.Bye.She is so sweet.Oh, thanks. Well, you should've seen her yesterday.Yeah, she pushed a baby off of Cam's lap.I know. I know.She is so possessive of him, but, you know,Cam's really working on trying not to coddle her so much,So...I'm not really sure it's about coddling.Sounds more like a sharing issue.You know, we've noticed Lily has a hard time with that.- Really? - I wouldn't worry.Kids usually pick that habit up from other kids,Except the ones that pick it up from their parents.We have a few of those in here.Of course, I can't share those names with you...until I get a glass of wine in my hand.Oh. Oh, Miss Elaine.I have been told that I might have the teensiest issue with sharing. But is that something Lily would even pick up on?My chicken.My pillow.Daddy's pen.Okay, it's possible.And I suppose for Lily's sake, I-I should work on that... privately. because right now we really need toget Cam's coddling problem under control.What's going on?Moving into the attic.Give me a day or two to get settled, then I'll have you up.When did all this happen?Depends on who you ask.My plan's been in motion for three weeks.Honey, this is a terrible idea. You're gonna hate it up there.Mom, stay out of this.Yeah. We all have our own rooms now. Everybody wins. Well, don't get too comfortable in there, girls.Luke, it's cold, and it's scary up there.You're gonna be back in your own room by tomorrow night.I don't know, Claire. It's got a lot of potential.This is a lot nicer than the attic I lived in when we met. One night, if that. Trust me on this.Oh, yes, because you're always right.Sweetheart, I would love to be wrong.I just don't live with the right people for that.Let it go, kids. She's not gonna budge.- Kept me up all night with the-- - Phil, you did push me! Your word against mine.Guess it's one of those things we'll just never know,Like what really happened to the "Titanic."It hit an iceberg.- Maybe. - Mm, there's no maybe.Oh, you're right, Claire.Again.Surprise, surprise.Okay, I-I will see you over at uncle Mitchell's.I'm gonna skip this meeting of the pile-on Claire club. Guess I pushed her into that pile, too.I spend half my life waiting on you.How many times do you have to change your outfit?Sorry, Jay. Too many choices is a prison.Just drive before he rethinks the pants.- What's wrong with my pants?! - Go. Go. Go.So, Manny, how'd it go with the principal today?It was terrible, but he was brave, and now it's over.- Right, Manny? - Mm-hmm.- So d-- - what'd they give you? Detention? Suspension?No, just a warning because it was first offense.- So how was work? - Great.Just a warning, huh?Like she said.So I ask about work, and you change the subject.Are you trying to hide something?No, I just wanna make sure he's okay. You okay?'cause, I mean, it looks like you're sweatin' bullets back there, kid. Stop grilling him. First the principal, now you.This poor boy has been screamed at all day.- Well, not to mention-- - Quiet! I've got this.- Where is Lily? - Um, she's getting dressed.All by herself?- Cam is encouraging her to be more independent. - Oh.And there she is!Doesn't she look beautiful?She looks like she was dipped in glue,and dragged through a flea market.- Hey there! - Hi!- Guys. Come on in. There's hors d'oeuvres. - How's it going? Hey, do you guys have any old furniture?I'm moving into the attic.- The attic? - Hey, at least it's big.Grandpa said you used to live in the closet.Okay. Well, you know what?Yeah, we'll absolutely find you something for sure. Okay?My daddy!Lily, no!I-I'm sorry, Luke.This isn't over.Oh, my god. Mitchell, she's getting worse.I have turned her into a pushy, little, entitled monster,on her way to a rap sheet and a bracelet on her ankle.Oh, she has a bracelet on her ankle.Cam.Cam, Cam.This--this might not be entirely your fault.No, it is.I spoke with Lily's teacher.And she thinks that--that she may have a problem with sharing, Which she might have gotten from--You. You don't like to share.No, I do it to make a point sometimes.Like, if you want the chicken, then order the chicken.Wait, when did you talk to Lily's teacher?Uh, today, when I--when I dropped her off at school. And you let me suffer all day?All right, look, we--we can't do this with everybody here. - Can we please just get through the evening? - Yes,but we are not making the announcement tonight. Because that is a joyful thing,And I am not feeling very joyful right now.Well, I share your feeling.Just so you know, I'm on to you.You never took Manny to the principal.Okay, play it like that, but I know Manny.He has more of a conscience than you have.He's not gonna be able to live with this.You'd be surprised what people can live with, Jay.Hi, Miss Lily. How's my big girl doing?Good.Can you tell me how old you are now?3.That's 4. This is 3.Okay, show me again. How old are you?- 3. - No! That many is 4.This many is 3.Don't argue, Lily. You'll never win.Really, Phil?Okay, I-I was gonna wait until we got home for this,But now I think it's something everyone's gonna enjoy.Guys, everybody, come on down to the TV room.I've got something really special to share.Okay, how's everybody on drinks?If this is Alex's graduation again, just leave me the bottle.I'm good, Cam.Okay, everybody.Showtime.Oh, my gosh. It's us at the market.- How did you-- - Yeah, it's security camera footage.I don't understand. What are we watching?It ain't "The godfather," I can tell you that much.Okay, look, I fell yesterday at the market,And Phil and I have been having a little disagreementas to what happened. Just watch. Okay, right here.I stop to fix my shoe, and then Phil--right there. Okay.He makes way for this very attractive woman,whom he conveniently leaves out of his retelling of the story. Now right here, Phil backs up,pushes his butt into the cart,pushes me into the cans!Do you see that?! Oh!It's all his fault, just like I said!I was right! Suck it!- When did you get this-- - Oh, my god.That's why you wanted to come separately.You went to all that trouble just to prove you were right?It really wasn't that much trouble.I just went to the store, found your friend Jordan the bag boy, who got me the manager.He gave me the address of the off-site security office.I filled out some paperwork. Sally faxed it to corporate.Three minutes later, I'm buying pack of dvds and burning a copy. Cake.It's like a sickness.What? None of you believed me,so I got proof.You should all be sucking it right now.Hey, please stop with the "Sucking it," Claire.The children!Yes, children are very impressionable.You'll never know what they'll pick up.Okay, cam, I'm sorry that I blamed it on you, okay?But we both need to look at our actions.I mean, if we're thinking about adopting another baby,then we need to--- You guys... - You're adopting another kid?- No! No, no! - You're--wait! Congratulations!We're thinking about it. It's not...What the hell's happening here?Is that from "Footloose"?Really, Mitchell?You couldn't even share telling your family!Fine. Fine.But why are you upset? This is such good news.No, we're a little on edgebecause lily has been acting outlike she doesn't want a sibling, and--Yeah, because Mitchell taught her to hate sharing.And/or because cam wears her like a fanny pack.Oh, stop blaming each other.No kid wants a sibling.I mean, Claire hated you so muchShe stuck you in a dryer when you were 2.You put me in the dryer?I did, but it wasn't 'cause I hated you.My friend Marci saidThat it wouldn't run with a kid inside it,and I knew it would. I was right.Good governor.It's been going on since you were 5?- Oh, my god. It is a sickness. -Yeah.What would make me have that need at such a young age? How long was I in that dryer? Because I--Is this why I'm afraid of tumbling?I had to quit gymnastics, Claire!A childhood without tumbling?You knew this and just stood by and did nothing?!Okay, okay. What's done is done!All you can do is learn from your mistakes.And in that spirit,I would like to propose a toast... to Manny.This week, he did something he wasn't supposed to do,- like we all do-- - Like we all do!- Salud to Manny! - Uh, not yet.But Manny stood up like a man.He admitted he was wrong and he took his licks,and I'm damn proud of him.Ah, now we clink!No, we clink when I say we clink.So Manny made a mistake, but he didn't take the easy way out. He's got guts, he's got integrity.As far as I'm concerned, he's the best little b--Okay, stop! Stop! I didn't do any of that.Mom broke into the locker and threw the necklace inside,and then we ran away like cowards.- I'm sorry, jay! I'm sorry! - I knew it!I was right! I was right!Who is it?Hi, honey. It's just me. Are you okay?Yeah. I'm great.So, how you liking your new digs?I know you told me that I'd be cold...and scared...- But I'm not. - No, I can see that.I was--I was wrong.- You were. - Yeah.Well, you're gonna hate this then, honey,but I'm gonna need you to go back down and sleep in your old room.I just--I'm worried if you get something so coolthis early in your life,You're not gonna have anything to look forward to later.I-I have to go now?You can spend the night tonight here if you want.Oh! No, if it's so important to you,I'll go now.You should come, too.Something sleeps over there.Wait for me. Wait. Wait for me! Wait for me.。

So the five keys to investing wisely in a down real estate market are... 在低迷的房地产市场中明智投资的五大秘诀就是KEYp your cool... "诀"对保持冷静KEYp informed... "诀"对信息灵通Legwork. 腿脚勤快I recently became a partner in a new agency, 我刚成为一家新房地产公司的合伙人so I put together a seminar 所以我要办个解说会to recruit first-time home buyers. 来吸引第一次买房的新手I want to give 'em a step-by-step description 我希望给他们一步步讲解of exactly what I can do for them. 我如何帮他们选到满意的房子Am I worried tha they might write it all down 你问我会不会担心他们记下步骤后and just do it themselves? 自己去挑选房子Quite frankly, I hadn't thought about it until just now. 坦白说我现在才察觉到这个问题Do I really have to go to this thing? 我非得去参加吗Yes. You're a big part of today. 当然你今天戏份大着呢You're my support staff. 你是我的后勤人员Then why am I not getting paid? 那你为什么不付我工钱That is a good question. 问得好And I think I'm gonna text you the answer 我会把答案用短信发到on that cell phone we pay for. 我们买给你的手机上Honey, do you wanna practice your part again? 亲爱的要再练习一下你的部分吗Uh, no. It's just one question. I think I got it. 不就一个问题而已我记住了Yeah, but it's the most important question 是的可那是最关键的问题because it launches me into my big finish. 它将引出我的压轴好戏- Yes. - That way, people leave excited. -没错 -那样人们会高高兴兴地离开Oh, I think people will be excited to leave. 我看是很高兴能离开吧Luke... 卢克Why? 你在干嘛I'm sorry. It's for school. 抱歉我是为了完成学校作业I have to design a container that'll protect an egg 我必须设计一个容器保护鸡蛋in a 1-story drop. 从1层楼高处跌落而不摔碎Yeah, so, um, 好吧所以you thought you would go with an egg carton? 你准备用包装鸡蛋的纸盒吗What if the best idea was under my nose the whole time? 也许最佳方法就藏在我眼皮底下呢You're gonna need to come down and clean this up now. 你得下来把这一摊收拾干净Ugh! I wouldn't have to do any of this 其实我本来完全不用瞎折腾的if Alex would just let me use hers from when she took the class.都怪艾丽克斯不肯让我用她当年上这课时的作品Never. 门都没有That design is my intellectual property. 那设计是我的知识产权I think it has applications for unmanned space flight.我觉得它足以应用在无人"驾"驶太空飞行上Keep talking like that 你再继续当科学怪胎and you'll go through life unmanned. 一辈子都无人可"嫁"了- Funny. - Girls. -真会搞笑 -姑娘们Luke, honey, listen to me. 卢克亲爱的听我说You're gonna need to do this project on your own. 你得独立完成这个作业And you can do it. Just... really think. 你能做到的只要努力动动脑子I've got it! 我想到了What if I'm the container? 用我自身做容器如何There's a thought. You could be... 算是个想法你可以...No, Luke! Luke! 别卢克卢克第三季第十二集摩登家庭Okay, si, te quiero. Mwah, mwah, mwah! 好好亲亲爱你哦I understood "Crazy old witch," 我听懂了"疯老巫婆子""Go kill yourself," Then "I love you." "去死吧" 以及 "爱你哦"I'll never get this, how you all yell at each other. 我一直搞不懂你们怎么老互相嚷嚷That's how you know that your family loves you 如何感受家人爱when they feel free to scream at you. 就在他们嚷你时Oh, I guess I owe my ex-wife an apology. 那我应该对我前妻说声抱歉了Apparently,she was nuts about me. 显然她当年爱我爱得如痴如狂Darn it! 该死Try the next one over a frying pan. 下次在炒锅上试验吧I could use some breakfast. 正好给我当早饭This is so frustrating. 真让人丧气At least you're getting your hands dirty for a change. 至少你是在亲自动手做事It is a nice break from the life of the mind I usually live. 平时都沉迷于精神世界现在能动动手也不错That's the spirit. 说得很对Plus it's a metaphor for the human condition. 再说也是对人类境况的一种暗喻Aren't we all just fragile eggs 我们不都是易碎的鸡蛋吗hiding behind bubble wrap and bravado? 躲藏在气泡垫的背后And we're back. 又回到老样子了Well, I'm sure that your egg-droppy thing 我保证你的鸡蛋坠落作品is going to be the best in the class. 会是全班最棒的Except for Luke's. 肯定比不上卢克的Really? Our Luke? 是吗我们家卢克吗But isn't he, like, a little, like... 可他不是有点...天然呆I bet Claire's gonna help him, 克莱尔肯定会帮他忙的just like she did with his self-portrait for art class. 就像上次美术课帮他画自画像一样There was life in those eyes. 那双眼睛囧囧有神It was haunting. 让人难以忘怀Tell you what. I'm gonna nip this in the bud. 那行我要将此不正之风扼杀于萌芽中You deserve a fighting chance. 你应该有公平竞争的机会Hey, I'm calling about that, uh, egg project the boys are doing.我是为孩子们的那个鸡蛋坠落作业打来的Parents aren't supposed to help out on that, right? 家长不该插手帮忙对吧Why would the parents be helping? 家长干嘛要帮呢Why do they cut grapes for 8-year-olds? 那干嘛要帮8岁的孩子切葡萄呢I figure if you can eat a chicken finger, 我觉得他们都会啃炸鸡条了you can tear your way through a grape. 肯定也能成功解决一颗葡萄Again, dad? 又旧事重提吗爸爸Oh, I'm sorry, it just... 抱歉那事...bugs me, is all. 总让我不爽而已The point is, I'm not helping, 我要说的是我不会帮忙and I hope no one else is helping, either. 我希望大家也都别帮忙Okay, dad. Thanks for the heads-up. 好吧爸爸多谢你提醒Love you. Bye-bye. 爱你哦再见Well, my dad is doing Manny's project for him. 我爸要帮曼尼做作业了He called to tell you that? 他专门打电话来告诉你吗Oh, no. He called to tell me that he wasn't, 不他打来告诉我他不会帮忙which is exactly what you say when you are, 那正是当你要插手帮忙时but you don't want anybody to suspect it. 又不想引人怀疑的说辞Really? 是吗What would you say if you had issues with your father?那你和你爸之间的问题又是什么说辞呢Claire and Jay are incredibly competitive. 克莱尔和杰非常喜欢一较高低Tennis games, card games, everything. 网球比赛扑克比赛任何事Who knows why? 没人知道原因Claire is the son that my dad never had. 克莱尔就像是我爸期望中的儿子I mean, he just wanted someone to throw a ball in the backyard.他希望有个儿子一起在后院投球玩I did once, but... 我投过一次可是He did not attend. 他没有来Looks like fun. 看起来挺有趣的It was, but now it's hard. 开始是可现在变难了Oh, I'm sure you're gonna do great, buddy... 你一定能做得很好老弟Claire? 克莱尔Uh, I am just showing interest in our son's project, 我只是对咱儿子的作品感兴趣which any parent would-- 任何家长都...Think! Think... to do. Thinking... I am, 想想好好想我在想that maybe I should stay here 或许我应该留在这儿in case Luke has any questions. 以防卢克有什么问题要问Do you think you can find somebody else 你能找到其他什么人to help you with your seminar? 去帮你完成解说会吗I don't know. That's a little last-minute. 估计不行吧现在让我去哪儿找啊You're kind of irreplaceable. 你是不可替代的啊Well, I mean, it's just one question, 我意思是说反正就只有一个问题and the seminar isn't for a few hours... 而且那个解说会也不会花太多时间Hey, Gloria? Quick favor. 喂歌洛莉亚帮个小忙Okay. See you there. Bye-bye. 好吧那边见拜拜What was that? 什么事Phil. 是菲尔He needs help with a seminar that he's giving. 他请我去帮他完成一个解说会Why can't Claire help him? 怎么不找克莱尔帮他- He didn't say. - I'll tell you why -他没说 -我告诉你为什么because she's knee-deep in Luke's egg drop project. 因为她投身于卢克的鸡蛋坠落实验了She said that she was not going to help. 她说过不会插手帮忙的That's exactly what I would say to me 那正是我对自己的惯用说辞if I was helping my kid and didn't want me to know. 用于我想帮孩子又想骗自己说没插手的场合Why would you be talking to you? 你为什么会跟自己说话I'm just saying it's unfair to Manny. 我只是说那样对曼尼不公平The kid doesn't stand a chance on his own. 那孩子只靠自己是没希望赢的I'm tagging in here. 我要插手了Jay, he doesn't need you to baby him. 杰他不需要你插手I'm just gonna give him a few tips. 我就给他一点点指导而已Kid, get yourself a snack. 孩子去吃点东西Okay, I'll cut him some grapes. 好吧我给他切点葡萄Damn it! 别捣乱Not like that, Jay. 不是那种切片杰Like this. Look. 是这样瞧着It just irritates me, you know what I mean? 那个能惹毛我你懂的We're meeting with prospective birth mothers. 我们近期在见一些孕妇是未来要领养孩子的生母We've had a few of these meetings, 我们曾有过一些类似的见面and they're very nerve-racking. 那种事让人十分伤脑筋You want to look good, 你希望打扮得帅气迷人You want to make a good first impression 给对方留下良好的第一印象kind of like a first date. 有点像初次约会Actually, it's--it's the opposite of a first date. 事实上跟初次约会正好相反You don't wanna have sex, but you do want a baby. 你不想做爱但却希望直接要个孩子I have to say, Lily is adorable, 我必须承认莉莉太可爱了and such a good eater. 而且很能吃哦Oh, not all the time. 并非总是如此She just happens to love my tuna salad. 她只是喜欢我做的金枪鱼沙拉而已Dolphin safe, of course. 当然我们没吃海豚Oh, who cares about that? 谁在乎那个啦Well, I bet the dolphins do. 我觉得海豚们介意It's okay to eat tuna, but not dolphin? 你意思是说吃金枪鱼可以吃海豚就不行My theory is, a fish is a fish. 我却觉得鱼就是鱼而已Well... 其实呢A dolphin's actually a mammal, so... 海豚实际上是哺乳动物所以说Eh, to-may-to, to-mah-to. 就像番茄和西红柿都一回事More like tomato, cow. 区别可大了母牛Mitchell, can you help me with the scones in the kitchen? 米奇来厨房帮我弄一下司康饼Okay. 好的Excuse us. 失陪一下Okay, this is not really about the scones. 好吧我们不是来弄司康饼的Oh, really? You didn't need help carrying six scones? 是吗你一个人能拿得了六块饼吗No, this is about your need to correct 不问题是你得改掉everyone's every little mistake. 偏执地纠正别人小错误的毛病I am sorry. 不好意思I thought that she could use a basic biology lesson. 但我觉得她需要学习一些基础生物知识Well, let me give you a basic biology lesson-- 好吧我来告诉你一点基础生物知识you and I can't make a baby. 你跟我生不了孩子So if she points to a lamp and calls it "Uncle George," 所以如果她指着一盏灯说那是乔治叔叔What are you gonna say? 你怎么说"Pleased to meet you, Uncle George." "很高兴见到你乔治叔叔"Very good. Now let's get out there, 很好现在我们出去smile, nod, and get ourselves a baby. 微笑点头弄个孩子回来Okay. 好吧And those are your five keys. 眼前就是你们的五把钥匙[关键要点]Now if there are no more questions... 如果没有别的问题的话Ah, yes, the lovely home buyer right here 哦看这边有位可爱的买家On the edge of her seat. 正跃跃欲试呢I was wondering... 我想问的是I was wondering, 我想问的是Is there a sixth key? 有第六把钥匙吗As a matter of fact, 事实上There is. 的确有We'll work on that. 待会儿得再练练It's the key to the new home you've purchased below market.此乃你能够以低于市场价买到新居的关键Thanks to Woosnum, Keneally, and Dunphy. 感谢沃斯南&肯尼利&邓菲公司吧Bravo! 精彩绝伦Fire the confetti cannon, drop the banner, 放彩花落帷幕autographs, autographs, autographs, 签名签名签名and we're done. 然后搞定We still have, like, an hour left. 我们还剩一个小时呢Can I go shopping? 我能去购物吗No. I-I have vocal exercises to do, 不行我得做一些发声练习and I need you to do a sound check for me. 我需要你帮我检查一下嗓音I was hoping we could go to my hair salon. 我打算和海莉去一趟发廊来着It's nearby. I didn't have time to finish my hair this morning. 就在附近今天早上我没时间弄头发Really? That just happens? 不是吧就要弃我而去了吗Ooh, and I can get my nailse done. 真好我可以去做美甲Is it okay? 行吗Okay. Sure. 好吧走吧Oh, oh! 对了Could one of you guys stick this under a chair on your way out?你们出去时谁能把这个钉在某一个椅子下面One of the lucky attendees is going home 某个幸运参会者可以带回家with a brand-new mouse pad. 一个新型鼠标垫哦Wait, wait, wait, wait! 等一下等一下I don't wanna see which chair. 我不想知道是哪个椅子I wanna be blown away like everyone else. 我想到时候和其他人一样被震撼到Yes. Now that is feng shui. 没错那就叫顺应风水Doesn't that feel better? 现在是不是感觉舒服多了Oh, yes. It's wonderful for conversation. 还真是现在的格局"真适合"聊天Yes, this is nice. 没错感觉真好It gives the room a nice flow, which I'm really liking. 让室内有一种流通感我真的好喜欢Sometimes, your furniture tells you where it wants to be. 有时候你的家具会告诉你它们想被放在哪里Yeah. 对Do you mind if I use your restroom? 我能用一下卫生间吗Not at all. It's-- it's just down the hall. 请大厅一直走就是Just be warned--there's some furniture in there 顺便说一下里面有些家具that kind of likes where it is! 貌似就喜欢现在的摆放位置哦Okay, I know it's killing you to do this whole song and dance, 好吧我明白让你如此卑躬屈膝装孙子很折磨人But I think it's going great. 但是我觉得进行的很顺利Cam, there's a limit, okay? 小卡得有个度才行懂吗We already promised her that we would show her son all 52 states.我们已经答应会带她儿子逛遍52个州Oh, wow, you have a keyboard. 哇哦你们还有电子琴耶Oh, yes. That's mine. 是的那是我的琴You're musical. I love that. 你是音乐家我喜欢It's very important to me. 那对我很重要It's very important to me. [choir 本意为唱诗]Oh, well, you're preaching to the choir. 噢还用你来向我鼓吹音乐的重要性嘛Literally. I've sung in several. 真的我真在几个唱诗班唱过呢Yeah, we sing to Lily... all of the time. 我们经常给莉莉唱歌I wish I could hear you guys. 我真希望能听听你们的歌声Oh, well, that's very sweet. 噢哈谢谢夸奖No, now. 不是我现在想听The baby's father is a musician, 宝宝的亲生爸爸是个音乐家and I would love to know 所以我真的很希望that he's growing up in a musical househo. 他能在一个音乐氛围浓厚的家庭成长- Okay. - Great. -好吧 -太好了Okay. Now we are actually doing a song and dance. 好吧现在我们真得歌舞欢腾了Okay, well, look at it this way-- 好吧你应该这么想We're not only adopting a baby, 我们不仅是是领养了一个宝宝we're saving it from a life spent searching for east Dakota.也避免了他将一生都用于寻找东达科他州we're saving it from a life spent searching for east Dakota. [美国只有南北达科他州没有东达科他州]Oh, God. 神啊This is acally nice. 这灯其实不错的This is actually very nice to lean on. 用来靠着确实挺不错的It broke again. 又摔破了Mm. Yes, I saw. 是啊我看见了We'll just need to double up on the cotton. 我们只需要把棉层加倍就好了Here, let me save you a step. 瞧着反正都是碎不如直接摔Alex! 艾丽克斯Knock, knock! 开门开门Dad! Hey! What are you doing here? 爸爸你来这干什么Manny needs that solder iron I lent to Phil. 曼尼需要用我借给菲尔的电烙铁One of the screws on his project keeps coming loose. 他那装置上的一个螺钉总是拧不紧Other than that, it's flawless. 除了那个毛病其余的就无懈可击了Huh. His latest test run, he dropped it off the roof, 最新的一次测试中他在楼顶松手后he walked downstairs, it hadn't landed yet. 走下楼梯这时候鸡蛋还没落地呢I had nothing. I had to get in Claire's head. 我毫无进展我必须扰乱克莱尔的方寸Sometimes the best thing to do in race to the top... 有时候想要在竞争中拔得头筹is grease the pole behind you. 最好是玩点阴的Wow. So Manny's still working? 这么说曼尼还在做吗Luke finished a couple hours ago. 卢克几小时之前就完成了Is that why all these eggs are on the floor? 所以地上才有这么多烂鸡蛋吗Oh, well, you know, after so many landed safely, 其实是经历了多次的成功试验后we thought we should test 'em, 我们觉得应该测试一下这些鸡蛋make sure we weren't working with a super strong batch. 确保这些不是超级摔不烂鸡蛋Sounds like you knocked it out of the park. 听起来你们相当成功嘛Oh yeah!We did. 那是当然Um, so dad, 那么爸爸if I find out what Phil did with that soldering iron, 如果我知道菲尔把电烙铁搁哪了I'll run it over. 我就给你送去Great. . 'cause, uh, 太好了因为we're gonna test it later today at the school. 我们今天晚些时候会在学校试验Fun. Maybe we'll meet you. 有意思说不定到时能碰见你呢We can come anytime, right? 我们随时都能去是吧Cause we don't have a-a spring problem. 因为我们的弹簧什么的可没出故障Run 5? 5点见Perfect. 很好Okay. Bear with us. We're a little rusty. 您多担待我们久未开过嗓了Yes, and please put all cell phones on vibrate. 没错请把手机调至震动状态*Don't go breaking my heart 不要把我心伤**I couldn't if I tried 我怎能把你心伤**Honey, if I get restless 宝贝如果我焦躁不安**Baby, you're not that kind 宝贝你不是那种人**Nobody knows it 无人知晓**Nobody knows 无人知晓**When I was down 当我心潮低落**I was your clown 我就是逗你笑的小丑*I really am a clown. 我真的是个小丑*I gave you my heart 我把心都给了你**So don't go breaking my heart 所以不要把我心伤**I won't go breaking your heart 我不会把你心伤**Don't go breaking my 不要把我心伤**Don't go breaking my heart.Yeah 不要把我心伤耶*- Thank you. - It was wonderful. -谢谢 -唱得太好了Oh. I'm confused, though. 但是我有点疑惑I thought Cameron was the singer. 我以为卡梅隆是歌手Yeah. 是Yes, yes, I am. 是是我是Really? Because mitchell has such a lovely voice. 真的因为米奇尔的嗓音那么甜美Well, I think he was following my lead. 其实我想是他只是跟着我的调You know, a good leader can make all the difference. 一个好的领唱可以带动全场呢Actually, you were a little pitchy. 事实上你嗓音有点粘But it was terrific, really. 但总体真的很棒真的Thank you. 谢谢Yes. Thank you for your opinion. 谢谢你的意见Faster! Faster! We're going to be late to your father. 快点快点你爸那边要迟到了Why did you have to do your toes, too? 为什么你还得给你的脚趾头做美甲Well, there's this really cute boy at school 学校里有个超可爱的男生who's kinda into my feet. 好像有点迷上我的玉足了呢Be careful. That can get really creepy fast. 小心点说不定那人是个变态Ay. Where is the car? I parked it here! 咦车呢我刚就停这了It's a tow zone. 这是禁停区Somebody just put that there, 那牌子肯定是刚刚挂上的违者拖走交通畅行区because that wasn't here when I parked! 因为我停车的时候还没有那块牌呢It looks pretty old to me. 我觉得那块牌已经风吹日晒很久了啊Haley, don't lie. That was not here! 海莉别瞎说刚刚真没那块牌Ladies and gentlemen... 女士们先生们Get ready for one of the giants 准备好欢迎of residential real estate... 房地产行业巨子A salesman's salesman... 推销员中的推销员Where are you guys? I've been calling you! 你们在哪我刚刚一直给你们打电话A realtor's realtor... 房产经纪人中的翘楚You were supposed to do my intro. 本该由你来引入我的出场Now I have to. 现在只能我自己干了2-time non-consecutive winner of the realtor of the year award...两届非连续年度房地产经纪人奖得主Just get back here by the end. 在活动尾声时务必回来Future investors, 未来的投资者们Stop making excuses! 别再找借口了And start... making your dreams come true! 开始让你们的梦想成真Ladies and gentlemen, Phil Dunphy! 女士们先生们有请菲尔·邓菲How are you? 你们好吗Thanks, Mike. I appreciate it. 谢谢麦克多谢了Welcome. 欢迎各位Taxi! 计程车You see? They don't stop because I'm latina. 看到没见我是拉美裔就不停车Or because that was just a yellow car. 或者因为那是辆黄色私家小轿车My dad is gonna freak out. 我爸肯定气坏了You have to take the blame for this. 你得把错都揽在自己身上Why me? 为什么Oh, because he'll never get mad at you. 因为他永远不会生你的气He totally puts you on a pedestal. 他把你当女神一样膜拜That's not true. 才不是呢Yeah, it is. 就是Let me just call the cab company. 我打电话到计程车公司叫车吧Taxi! 计程车It's not rocket science, people, it's just a little red card. 有那么难找吗各位红色的小卡片而已Okay. I guess nobody needs a mouse pad. 好吧看来没人需要鼠标垫How's my favorite kid doing? 我最爱的女儿在做什么呢Favorite? 最爱Yeah, I know, we're not supposed to have favorites. 我知道父母不该偏爱哪个孩子But you know what? We do. 可事实是我们的确有偏爱And the good news is, it's you. 好消息是宝贝疙瘩就是你I'm not giving you my design. 我不会把我的设计给你的Who said anything about giving? 谁说要你白给了We can work out an arrangement. 可以商量下条件嘛It's cheating. 你这是作弊What do you want? Money? 你想要什么钱吗I got a little something set aside. 我有点私房钱Okay. I shouldn't even be giving you this hint, 好吧我根本不该给你提示的but, first get a mirror. 但是首先找面镜子A mirror? 镜子Then you're gonna look in it, 接着你看向镜子and you're gonna see a crazy woman. 你会看到一个疯婆子She needs your help. 她需要你的帮助You know, I made the egg that made you, 我产出的卵子[蛋]创造了你that made that project, 你又产出了那个科学设计so in a lot of ways, that design is already mine! 说来说去你的设计本来就是属于我的Oh, you're fine. 你挺好的Are you sure that there are no more questions? 大家确定没有任何问题了吗No more questions? Yes! 没问题了吗很好If we could just get that over to the mustachioed gentleman. 请将麦克风递给那位大胡子先生Yes, I was-- 我想问Oh, hey, I think we're all tired of that sound. 这声音大家都听烦了吧Let me just come to you. 我走过来好了I bet I know what your question is. 我敢肯定我知道你想问什么You're probably wondering 你可能好奇if there's sixth key. 有第六把钥匙吗No, I was wondering about-- 不我是想问I was wondering about accelerated escrow. 我是想问关于加急契约的问题If it works for both parties, 如果买卖双方都愿意it's a great way to expedite the deal. 可以加快过户速度But back to your first question 回到你第一个问题about this mysterious sixth key. 神秘的第六把钥匙- I didn't say anything-- - The sixth key is the key -我没说... -第六把钥匙to the new home that you purchased below market. 就是以低于市场价购入新房的关键Using the simple principles that you learned here today... 利用你们今天所学到的简单原理But not so simple that you don't still need 也不是那么简单你们依然需要the professional services 专业的房地产公司的服务of Woosnum, Keneally... And Dunphy! 即沃斯南&肯尼利&邓菲公司Thank you for coming. 感谢各位的光临Son of a-- 操你...So is--is there anything that you'd like to know about us? 关于我们你还想了解什么I don't think so. 我看不用了In fact, I don't think I need to interview any more people. 事实上我觉得不用再面试其他人了You guys are perfect. 你们太合适了Are--are you saying what I think you're saying? 你的意思是像我想的那样吗I'm not supposed to say anything to you directly, 我不应该直接对你们说什么but I think you guys should be expecting good news. 但是你们就等着好消息吧Aah! Oh, gosh! 我的天啊Oh, I know, I know, you're not saying anything! 了解了解你什么都没说But what you're not saying is wonderful! 但你没说出口的话是天大的好消息Um, all right. I'm gonna get some sparkling cider? 好了我去拿起泡苹果酒Yes, yes. Okay, okay. 好的好的It wouldn't be a celebration without cider 没有苹果酒就没有庆祝氛围or a celebratory song. 没有庆祝之歌也一样But this time, I want you to sit right here. 不过这次我希望你坐在这里So have a seat here. 坐下吧Let's just get this mop out of the way there. 把你乱掉的头发拂到肩后*If you leave me now 如果你现在离我而去**You'll take away the biggest part of me 你将带走我人生的大部分意义**Ooh, ooh, ooh, no, baby, please don't go 不要宝贝求你别走**Ooh, ooh, ooh, no, I just want you to stay 不要我只想要你留下*Yes, she was upset, but on a positive note, 没错她很伤心不过往好处想what I take from this experience is, I can sing. 从此事中得到的结论就是我的歌声很能打动人Uh, what we didn't take away from the experience is a baby, 从此事中我们没得到的是孩子Because she decided to keep it. 人家决定留下孩子自己养No. Did we missed everything? 不好我们完全错过了吗Yeah. They cleared out of here pretty fast. 是的来宾都迅速退场了Bummer. 扫兴More than a bummer, Haley. 又岂止扫兴海莉This was really important to me, and you blew it. 此次推广对我来说很重要却被你弄砸了Ay, no, Phil, it was my fault. 不菲尔全是我的错It was not her fault. 不关她的事Okay. What's done is done. 算了木已成舟Can you take the brochures out to the car? 你把宣传册子拿上车吧Wow. It's still full. 满满一盒都没动Yeah, it is. 是的So it was not very good? 推广效果不好吗Um... no. 不好I kind of need to sweep here. 我得打扫这里Okay. But--but I'm so sorry, Phil. 好的不过我真的很抱歉菲尔It's okay. 没关系No, it's not okay. 不有关系We came late and we ruined your whole presentation. 我们迟到了我们毁了你的解说会These things happen. 人都有倒霉的时候Yeah, it happens, and people get angry. 没错可这个时候一般人都会发火Gloria, it's fine. 歌洛莉亚没事的No, it's not fine! 不有事I'm trying to have a real conversation, 我努力与你沟通I'm trying to have a real conversation, [字面意为放在高台上]and all you do is put me on a pedestal! 而你却把我当女神一样膜拜Wait a minute. You'mad at me? 等等你在生我的气吗Yes, because that's not how family's 是的因为家人之间supposed to treat each other! 不应该是这种态度You know how family's supposed to treat each other? 你知道家人之间应该是什么态度吗They're supposed to actually think about each other! 家人之间应该为对方考虑I asked you to do one thing... 我求你帮一个忙And you were too selfish and irresponsible 但你却这么自私这么不负责任to come through for me on a day that, believe it or not, 连一天都不支持我信不信由你was really important to me! 今天对我真的很重要Oh, my god. You're crying. I'm so sorry. 天哪你居然哭了真对不起No! That's what I want! 不这正是我想要的You yell at me because you love me! 你吼我是因为爱我Well, you made me mad. 你惹我生气了嘛And you should be. 你生气也是应该的Well, I'm not anymore. 好吧我已经不气了Don't treat me like that, Phil. 别这么肉麻菲尔Because now I'm furious! 因为我现在出离愤怒了Ay, mi familia! Si. 噢这才是我的亲人Oh, how do you do that? 你怎么能这样呢It makes me so... 你真是...Mad. 气死我了That's a pretty nice piece of handiwork for a 13-year-old. 对一个13岁孩子来说手工做的相当不错啊Yeah, Luke did pretty good, too, 是啊卢克做的也很好啊for a kid who still needs help getting out of his backpack. 毕竟平时他脱下书包都需要人帮助- Still your grandson. - Felt bad when I said it. -他可是您外孙啊 -怒其不争啊Okay, let's do this. 我们开始吧Watch out, kids! They're coming down! 孩子们看着点儿扔下来了哦One, two, three. 一二三How'd we do? 怎么样Both eggs are okay. 两只蛋都完好无损Great. So we both win. 太好了看来我们都是赢家Unacceptable. 无法接受We're going up another level. 我们升级一层楼吧Absolutely. Come on. Third floor. 没错来吧三楼了哈Meet us there, Alex. Let's go. 艾丽克斯上来找我们走吧。

Okay, hold still, honey.I'm afraid you're going to hit me again.Don't worry. I'm just putting this time.I'm not the strongest golfer,and I think it's holding me back in business.Too bad deals aren't closed in a trampoline park.Too bad deals aren't closed in a trampoline park.I'd just lazy-back into a Rudolphinto a quadriffus right up the corporate ladder.Hey, dad, you coming to my play tonight?"Your" Play? You only painted the sets.Yeah, and Michelangelo "Only" painted the Sixteenth Chapel. Maybe don't keep your face so close to the paint cans. Sorry, buddy, I'm getting a golf lessonand then I'm playing with a client,But I'll try to make your next performance.-Phil! - Little busy.Oh, you always do this.You cram stuff in the freezer without thinking about it.I opened the door, and a frozen turkey almost fell on my foot.I keep pulling it to the left.Are we sure the house is level?Are you not the least bit sorry?I could have broken a toe.Honey, I'm sorry for dozens of thingsevery day that actually happen.If I start apologizing for things that don't happen,how productive of a person would I be?Hey, your golf pro's here!- Hola, hola. - Hello, everybody!Thanks so much for the quick lesson, Jay.Just think of me as a blob of clay,waiting for your experienced handsto caress and coax me--First rule of golf-- shh.- Okay. - Good.If you're going to be a grump all day,why did you even say that you were going to teach him? Because he's how my grandkids get food.There he is.Ay, thank you so much for taking care of the baby. Cam has me running all kinds of errands for the play. Yeah, well, you gotta keep your eye on the caller I.D.I have to go to the dry cleaners to pick up the costumes... Then I have to go get the dry ice for the fog machine. And maybe I'll go get Cam some flowers.Oh, Alex can help you with all that.Oh, perfect. Okay, let's go.We can't be late,or there won't be any dry ice in the house.形容众人都为某事垂泪没有一人眼睛是干的]- Good one. - What?You guys have fun. Go on. Nothing to worry about.I got it handled here.Be careful.Don't worry, just keep your mouth open.We're fine. It's fine.Okay, can I have everyone's attention, please? Reuben? Hit me with a spot.That's a little harsh. Throw a pink gel on that.That's great. Perfect.All right, I will be recording today's rehearsal,but don't let that make you self-conscious.I'm only using it to pinpoint your mistakes. Secondly, I have granted full set accessto Maureen Schick,who will be reviewing your show tonight.Uh-oh, she's vicious.Our last music teacher, Mr. Namagachi,never recovered from her article, "Anything blows." But in fairness, I saw that production,and the lead soprano was an absolute disaster.No offense, Sophie.You've blossomed since then, sweetie, okay?No batteries in her mic, okay? Great.And lastly, Marcus Talbot.Guys, he's feeling a little under the weather.Fear not. He's home resting his instrument,and he will be ready for the show tonight.But I will need a phantom for this rehearsal.So, anyone...I guess I could help.I don't know how Marcus ever got the lead.But I know how he got sick--from chewing all that scenery.This was my chance to earn it backfrom that insincere phony.But first, a silent prayer for our fallen captain marcus. Godspeed, old friend.This is boring. Is he dead?No, he's not dead. He's just sleeping.Babies need to sleep a lotso they grow bigger and stronger and smarter.Hey, Mrs. D. Hey, Lucy.Every time.Well, that's a nice shirt.Thanks. I designed it myself.It's my best seller.I'm so jealous you know what you want to do with your life.I wish I was inspired like you.Or, you know, aim higher.Open yourself up to some new experiencesand find out what--- Oh, my g-- - are you okay?Fine. Just...slipped on one of your father's stupid golf balls.Good, you woke him up.Maybe he's hungry. I just fed him,but I don't think bottles can live up to the real thing.Maybe I can calm him down.Oh, that's very sweet of you, but he's super fussy today.And when babies are fussy, they--they...Yeah, I'm good with babies.You should see him play peek-a-boo. He's amazing.No. I'm good.I know a guy in Chicago-- he's amazing.Dang it!Are you kiddin' me? That divot flew out of there like a rocket.I decided to go gentle with Phil,which didn't come easy to me,because I've always been a bit of a drill sergeantwhen it comes to sports.And with the new baby,Gloria's been buggin' me to have more patience.But come on. He's been alive a month.How hard is it to support your own head?What the hell?Hello, boys.What a sweet ride, Pepper.What are you guys doing here?I've been golfing for a few weeks.Pepper's been teaching me.I grew up golfing with my father,the great Chaim Saltzman.Or as he was known around the clubhouse,Chad Treadwell.Well, we should play together as a foursome.First time that word's creeped me out, but okay.Care to make it interesting?I think your pants have already done that.How 'bout a hundred bucks?Me and Phil will play you and Mitch.Fun. Mitchell, care to go first?Oh, I...Okay. Yeah. I'll-- I'll give it a whirl.Running into my dad was no accident.I wasn't the best athlete growing up,and my dad never missed an opportunityto point that out."Nice throw, Nancy!"Nancy was our neighbor.I could never throw as well as she could.I'd pretty much given up on beating my dad at anything until Pepper dragged me to a golf course one day. Turns out I wasn't half bad.Six months' practice later,I was ready to kick my dad's ass.I knew just how I was gonna do it, too.I'd walk up to the tee all nervous,do a few clumsy practice swings,and then I'd hit that ball dead center,watch it arc through the sky, land on the green,and totally wow my dad.*It's over now, the music of the nightOkay. Great job, everyone.Thank you. But it was really everyone.Give yourself a round.Oh, Marcus's mom. Shh.Fingers crossed.Why is it taking you so long?How hard is it to paint a wall?A lot harder than your so-called singing.At least this is supposed to be flat.I once saw a monkey paint a wall.Yeah? Did you say, "Good job, mom"?Mono? But he's my lead.My career depends upon this.The district is this close to cutting my funding,and my fingers are very close together right now.- *Nighttime* - Just let me talk to Marcus.- *Sharpens* -he would never turn his back on this company. We are like family here.*Stirs imaginationI'm sorry. We're going another way.*Silently the senses*Abandon their defensesAny news about Marcus?- Why are you whispering? - Saving my voice, just in case. Oh. Well, marcus is out.But luckily, I found an even better phantom right here.I wouldn't say better, but since you did...Luke. I was just about to ask him.- Luke? - He knows the show,he sings like a nightingale,and he has a certain theatrical madness in his eyesyou cannot teach.That's just from all the paint.Oh. Uh, Luke?Stop it. Are you trying to spook him?What are you talking about?He's already intimidated by you after you criticized his sets. Oh, please. I could not be the only personthat found his unicorns distracting.Let me talk to him first.If I can't get the job done, then you step in...Kind of like the way an understudywould traditionally take over when the lead finds himself-- Yeah. Just do it.Hey there, luke. Or should I say, phantom?You wanna get to the point?'cause I'm kind of on a schedule,and this paint keeps making me fall down. Marcus is out, and cam wants you to take over. Really? Well, I do know all the songs.Stop trying to talk yourself out of it. You're doing it. It's only for two nights.You're doing it again, looking at the negatives. Look at the bright side. What if you don't screw up, humiliate yourself, and get mocked forever?- I'd get mocked? - Only by the cool kids.But who needs them?You're one of us now.The theater geeks.*Vermont is snowy*Las vegas is showy*And those are the capitals I rememberwhat if this had been at the top of the stairs?I mean, I really could have gotten hurt, right?Uh-huh. Lily, I made you lunch.Peanut butter. My favorite.It's just hard to believethat somebody could be so obliviousto a situation that is clearly dangerous.Look at us. We're like a little family.I know.- We're the parents. - I know!I know what his response would be--"But you're fine. Why you getting all bent out of shape?" But what if I wasn't fine?What if he walked through the door,And he thought he had created a horrible accident? Oh, this is so fun.Good. She's gone.Grab your camera.I'm gonna make his little hand flip us off again.No, it's not just me.Three mothers are giving the party,and we need all our names in the card--Gloria Pritchett, Sara Leonard, Dee Cho...What do you mean that there's no more room?Dee Cho must go on.Okay, come on. That one had to be on purpose. Okay, we'll be there then.They won't be ready until one more hour.You maybe wanna take a shift carrying this dry ice? No, I just had a baby.I've watched you carry Manny to bed.I know what we can do to kill time.My psychic is around the corner.Please tell me you just said "sidekick."I used to think that I knew everything, too.We're going for a reading.I'll let her know that we're coming.You have got to be kidding me.I'm trying to remember the telephone number.What is happening to me?All right, what are we, 3 strokes down now?I think someone needs a Pepper talk.How is that a Pepper talk?You need to get angry. Play aggressive.That man's been mitch-slapping you and your entire life.I know, but... he's being so nice to Phil,and Phil is way worse than I ever was.I don't know.Maybe he's not the unsympathetic jerk he used to be. Okay, so you got off to a rough start.Let's simplify.On this shot, I want you to just concentrateon bending your knees.- You got it? - Bend my knees.Bend my--Dang it! Straighten my knees.Son of a bitch, you're a hopeless embarrassment.You're kickin' up more sand than a sea turtle layin' eggs. Did you see that?!Yeah, that wasn't half bad.Hey, listen, I'm sorry I yelled.No, no, no. That's what I needed.My old tumbling master in college used to yell at me all the time. It just made me better.- Really? - Oh, yeah.He'd say terrible things about my manhood,He'd throw the chalk bag at me,He'd call me and taunt me over the summer to keep me sharp. So bring it, Jay!You stink, Phil.You're the worst thing to happen to golfsince they let people wear shorts.You just told me to--No, that's part of it.Did you hear that?And he wasn't just talking to Phil.He was talking to 10-year-old youand 12-year-old you and...Suck it, Nancy!I was just trying to help.Just listen with an open mind.She doesn't believe in psychics.It's not just psychics.It's all unquantifiable phenomena.I'm going to save you some time.She doesn't have a boyfriend.Maybe not now, but soon.You see?- That means-- - Shh. Go on.You are going to meet someone special.I see a handsome man on a horse,like a knight.Well, I am going to a renaissance fair this weekend. Yes, I know.There's no renaissance fair.Even if there was, I wouldn't go.I'd be the laughingstock of the young astronomer's club. But I couldn't tell Gloria her fortune-teller was a fake... Not until I had a little more fun.I see that you're smiling. You're enjoying yourself.I know it sounds crazy,But could you please tell me what happened tomyy bunny Buttons, who ran away when I was 5? Never had a bunny. Hate bunnies.I see a farm...with a red barn.I know who's in the barn!It's like scrabble with Haley.After a while, you're just playing against yourself. Okay, everyone, look sharp, please!The press is here!As I was saying, Maureen, I was really at an advantagehaving seen the broadway production.I was able to learn from their mistakes.For example, in my production,The phantom appears in the first scene,because after all, it's not called"Christine and Raoul of the opera."I have two sources telling meyour lead is home with chicken pox.- Uh, mono. - Make that three sources.Oh, damn, you're good.Um, permission to speak... off the record?Denied.Okay, fine. Well, then...See for yourself in just a moment.Tonight a star will be born.- Cam? - Not now, Manny. I'm birthing something. Sometimes in the theater,the real drama happens before the curtain rises. Observe.Luke Dunphy,How would you like to play the starring rolein Cameron Tucker's Andrew Lloyd Webber's "Phantom of the Opera"?Nope.Luke Dunphy, is it true you passedbecause of creative differences with an overbearing director?Say nothing to that jackal!Manny, what happened?I tried my best.He started hyperventilating just thinking about it.I guess some people just aren't comfortable taking center stage. Okay. Well, maybe we can pump Marcusfull of whatever they gave those bike riders.He's too sick.But don't worry, Cam, you'll think of something.It's always darkest right before the...Reuben, could you keep that thing still?!Okay, well, I guess we only have one option.- I'll do it. - Hmm?I was gonna say play the role myself,but, you know, I guess it really should be about the kids.Now if I had tripped on your father's golf ball,say... top of the stairs,probably would have--oh, no!Taken out some pictures.Look what you've done, Phil!Mom!It's okay. It's finally sleeping.Hey, we should take a picture of all of us.Then once you get going, you know, you just can't stop.You're taking everything down with you.And then, to make it perfectly clearto your father what happened,I'll put the golf ball right here,because some people can't see the dangerunless it's right under their nose.Having kids is fun.And easy.Maybe this is what I should do with my life.Oh, he's such a little angel. I want one.Haley, little dude needs his sleep.I wanted to tell Haleyabout the dangers of starting a family too early,but what could I saythat couldn't be said better by a screaming baby? Mom!Oh, sorry.I don't know what's wrong with me today.- Mom! - Still good.- Sorry. - Would you just get out of here?Yeah. Yeah. Totally sorry.It's my--Sorry.When he wakes up, we should all go out for ice cream.I was thinking the same thing.What are you doing?Minding my own business.Wait. Ice cream might ruin Lily's dinner.So?So I spent all afternoon cooking.I thought ice cream would be fun.All you've done today is have funwhile I did all the work.I'm just trying to make the most of it with these kids.I don't have as much time with them as you do. What, by spoiling them?Who's that? Who's texting you?It's just about work.Typical. Even when you're here, you're not here.Why are you this upset about ice cream?If that's what you think this is about,then you haven't heard a word I've said!I-I'm confused. Why do we even have these kids?I don't know!I'm going home!Good!Oh, fantastic.One stroke down on the final hole.It's such a big putt. Such a big, big putt.I like big putts, and I cannot lie.I like big putts, and I cannot lie.Money.You know what'll be sad? You doing all that practicing to finally be able to beat your old man,And coming up just short.I almost...can't watch.You're up, ace.I was the same way with my father.It's always complicated.Not for mine. My dad was just supportive.Never missed a tumbling meetor a break-dance brawl.Heck, I'd set up the sound system for our school assembly, he'd be the loudest voice in the crowd."Hey, everybody! Check out my son's equipment!"- Aw. - Yeah.Hey, seriously, good luck.You played good. I'm proud of you.- Really? - We should do this again sometime.Don't listen to him.He's "Cat's in the Cradling" you.- What? - He's playing on your emotionsso you lose your edge.I do it to my son all the time.Did he say "Son"?Yes. He's a Navy Seal.Oh, I've said too much.What's "Cats in the Cradle"?You know, that song about the dad who missesall the important moments in his kid's life?Stay strong,just like Kyle did in Yemen.Oh, my god, I'm a sieve.All right, Mitch. Showtime.Five. Six.A-five, six, seven, eight.Yes!A hundred bucks!Oh, we did it!Now I can afford the shirt that matches these pants. So... drinks in the clubhouse?Can't. My kid's in a play.Yeah, I'm meeting a client for another round of golf. Hey, if you see Luke, will you give him a hug for me? Will do. Hey, I was seriousabout we should play again sometime.It's a crazy thingthat if I'd been less of a hard head when you were a kid, we could have had 20 years in this dumb game.No, it was half my fault.I mean, I-I used to be pretty sensitive.So y-you really weren't"Cat's in the cradling" me back there?Of course not.How have I not heard of this song you keep talking about?- You have. It's the worst. - It's the schmaltziest. Unbearable.I'll play it on the way back. I have it on my iPod phone.*And the cat's in the cradle*And the silver spoon*Little boy blue and the man on the moon*When you coming home, dad?*I don't know when,*But we'll get together then.*You know we'll have a good time thenI should have golfed with you sooner, dad.I never made the time.Luke!I need to call my son.What time is it in Damascus?Why don't I just draw them a map?Ready to play, Phil?I can't, Carl! My boy's sets are in a play!I get the feeling that something wonderfulhas happened to someone you know.Yes, it's Manny.He got the lead role in the school play.Yes, that's it.Okay, I think you might have met her halfway on that one. Do you feel that?A presence has just entered the room.Or the A.C. kicked in.Gloria, I have to say something.It's your abuela.Which one?Is she smoking a pipe, or is she smoking a cigar?A cigar.My mother's mother.I miss her so much.She says she misses you, too.I wish that she was here now to see Fulgencio Joe. She has seen him,and she says he is beautiful.He is, isn't he?Tell her that I love her.She knows.Thank you so much for that.You see now?I think I do.*The music of the nightOkay, Manny, quick question.Did you forget the notes I gave youor just choose to ignore them?Where are you going with that?We need an extra one up front.Mr. Namagachi decided to come.Oh, you mean the disgraced teacher I replacedsuddenly has an interest in this production? He's parking his peugeot right now.Wow, the vultures are officially circling. Okay, Manny, it's no secretthat you were not my first choice for this,or my second.But it's not too late for youto make this your very own phantom.So I want you to watch what Luke did,and copy that.*Silently the senses- *Abandon their...* - He was glorious. Every note, every nuance... I was transported, and I was furious.But my quarrel wasn't with Luke.It was with god.Save a seat for your sister.Excuse me. I think that's my seat.Dad! What are you doing here?Are you kiddin' me?My grandson paints the sets for a play,and I'm not gonna drive in from Florida, hmm? Is this one taken?All yours.That sweatshirt...I'm on the tennis team.We're the valley science knights.The knights?*Nighttime sharpens*Heightens each sensation- What? - *Darkness stirs- That's Luke. - No.*And wakes imagination*Silently the senses- *Abandon their defenses* - That could have been you out there. No, it wouldn't have been right.I'm sure you would've gotten some of it right.Not what I meant.Hey, thanks for meeting me here.No reason we can't mix businesswith a little pleasure. Am I right?I'm just excited to find someone who enjoys this sportas much as I do.I'm gonna be straight with you, Carl.You got a ton of inventory to move,and you're in need of a serious realtor.Hup hup!So how firm are you on your commission?As I think you can see, I'm quite flexible.I'll be honest, Phil, I like you.I think I'm ready to move forward with this.Really? Well, I'm thrilled.Hey, you know, we could make this official. Nice form, son!I'm talking about that contract, of course. You still got it, dad.That's my dad.Hi.。

So, honey, Ibiza can onlytake us at 6:30 tonight.Great. I will meet you at Ibiza.It's pronounced "Ibeetha", not "Ibeeza".Oh, thanks, honey.That reminds me - this weekend,I want to see that baby panda at the "thoo". Yeah... I'm the idiot.This year for Valentine's Day,we're gonna have a nice,quiet dinner at Ibiza.Last year, we, um...We overreached... a little.We created sexy alter egosClive and Julianamet in the hotel bar.This one lost her pantiesin the lobby in front of her dad...- Phil. - Which was stillit was hard. It was hard for her.You know I can't stand it when you use that word. - "Panties"? - Yeah, that. Yes. That word. Sorry. She lost her underpanties.- So? - So?Well, huh? So?- What's happening? - Flowers?Is someone pointing a gun at you?Oh, for goodness' sake.Did you get the flowers Lily and I sent you?Oh, that's so sweet. No. No, I didn't get anything. Really? Did you check with that assistant of yours? Broderick!Uh, did you get any flowers today?No. Sadly, I'm without Valentine this year.No, for Mitchell! The flowers are for Mitchell!Oh, that's right.Oops.Mitchell's assistant has a huge crush on him.He does not.And I think the only prudent thingto do is say, "You're fired. "Don't be jealous.He just looks up to me.The thing about Mitchell is he can be naive.He is completely unaware of how absolutely adorable he is. Oh. Okay, well, thank you.But I am aware when someone has a crush on me,and he does not have a crush on me.Yes, he has a crash on me.I was a little concerned whenthey said they could only take us at 6:30, but...I know. This house is on fire, right?Now, this is how you do V-Day.Except most of these peoplecould have been here on V-E Day.could have been here on V-E Day.But it's classy, which we deserve.Yes, we do.What were we thinking last year,acting like a couple of teenagers?I know. Oh!Hey, we've had our crazy Valentine's Days.We tore it up!But you got to know when to let that stuff go. Yeah.All those kids out there arejust looking for something that we've already got. Yeah.- I love you. - I love you, too.Oh, my gosh!- Are you okay? - I'm good. We're good.Are you all right?This is my first day in one of these things.Oh, hey, let me, let me help you out.How about I park it over there for you, okay? Oh, thank you.Here's your valet ticket.I'm kidding, actually. That's my valet ticket.All right.Let's see.Lefty loosey, righty tighty. Hey!All right.This is fun, Claire. You got to try this.Phil.- He is the natural. - Thank you.I know Phil and I are gonna grow old together someday... This thing needs mirrors.But today is not that day.Hello?Hello, may I speak to Clive?I'm sorry. I think you have the wrong number. Bye-bye.I got disconnected. Would you mind redialing?Hello?Hello, Clive. This is Juliana.Look lady, please stop calling me.- This is... - No. Phil. Phil. Phil. Don't hang up.- Claire? - No, no, no. Not Claire.Juliana.And you're Clive Bixby, remember?We met at the hotel bar last year.Now... make up some lie, ditch that wife of yours,and meet me at our hotel in 30 minutes.You think you can you manage that?Baby doll, I've been lying to my wife for 16 years.Okay. See ya.So... Champagne?Um, actually, Claire, something's come up.So... gotta go.You're not ditching me here on Valentine's Day. Screw that. Sit.But... o- okay.We'll - we'll stay.- Phil. - Oh, that's part of it?So hot!Claire. I'm leaving. Deal with it.So, no one walks anymore!Should be just few more minutes.When is our reservation?Here's the thing.No, not "the thing. " I hate "the thing".My secretary screwed up anddidn't get us one. Don't worry.I'll slip the guy a few bucks.What kind of idiot messes up two Valentine's in a row? Not this idiot.Two months ago, I booked a private chef,musicians - the works...for a romantic dinner at home.I just had to get the senorita outof the house while they set up.This is 50 bucks. Do not give us a table.What's the money for?You also must refuse my wife. She's very persuasive. Just a couple more minutes.So we don't get the table at the fancy restaurant, which drives Gloria crazy."Jay, why you not be no more romantic to me?".We walk in the door, and bam!She looks like a big idiot.And isn't that what Valentine's Day is all about? Jay, come here. We're in.Your secretary didn't forget. Look.Pritchett for two.Just a reminder. I need the television at 8:00. Jeremy and I have a phone dateto watch "Love Actually".That's the lamest plan ever, and I'm jealous.So, my boyfriend, David,blows me off onthe most romantic night of the year - to study!This is the worst Valentine's Day.Best Valentine's Day ever!David stands up Haley,and old boyfriend Dylan is out of the picture.I'm not saying I miss Dylan,but at least he was romantic.David never sent me a jar of his own tears.I'm playing the long game here.Like me today, love me tomorrow.She's had the romantic. She's had the intellectual. How about all of that in one fine,little brown package?- I've hit a new low. - You can talk to me.And I'm lower.Just picking up some things.I am not here.Name tags, name tags, name tags.Come on! Bingo!I know what to do.Dylan's been texting me again.Bet if David knew that,he'd come running right over here.Wait. Before you start playing these games,let me ask you one simple question...Who is Haley Dunphy?- Don't do it, Haley! - Stop following me.Let me just say my piece.No.Look, you can be the Haleywho defines herself as David's girlfriend,or Dylan's girlfriend,or you can be your own Haley.Maybe you haven't met her,but I know her.She's an amazing person.So when you're ready, I'd like to introduce you. Cameron! Is there something I can do you for? No. I just came by to pick up my man.I'm taking him to Ibiza tonight.Ooh, I've heard good things about Ibiza.But I'm afraid he may have to meet you there. He's in the middle of a meeting.On Valentine's night?I didn't realize when I scheduled it. It's my fault. Gasp. I'm shocked.I could drop him off atthe restaurant as soon as they wrap it up.Oh, aren't you a dear?I'd like to mount your head in my trophy room. Cam!Wait.Have I upset you in any way?Oh, please. Let's not play this game.We both know what's going on.Have I been that obvious?Uh, the flowers that don't get delivered,the Valentine's Day plans that get interrupted... Do I really need to spell it out for you?Me, Mitchell - wedge.Don't hate me. It's just...so hard to see someoneelse have something you want and can't have.Does Broderick have a crush? Yes.On someone he frequently sees at the office?Yes.Does that man have red hair and a beard?No, but his boyfriend does.It's me. The - the crush is on me.This is you.Oh, did I validate you?Oh, yes.- Appletini? - It was.You're looking handsome as ever, Clive.As are you, Juliana.You look hot enough to cook a pizza on...in.I see the speaker business is treating you well.I don't like to talk about money...but I have exactly $10 million...minus the cost of your next drink.Two. Just two appletinis, please.Thank you so much.Yeah...Why do I get the feeling you're not really a salesman?Ohh... pretty and smart.Ohh... pretty and smart.or should I say "pretty smart"?I might do some high-risk work forUncle Sam that takes me clear around the country. Mm, so you could say you're a...national man of mystery.- Never did catch what you do. - Didn't you? Surprising, I know. I'm usuallypretty good at catching things from women in bars. Well... Clive, I am just a bored housewifewith a dark side and an hour to killIs that what I think it is?It's not a gift card. Or maybe it is.I'll be upstairs, Clive. Don't take too long.I never do.- Jay, relax. - I'm sorry. The place is a dump.- It's beautiful. - Nothing good on the menu.You see the hands on our waiter?Looks like he's been birthing hogs.Let's just get out of here.I don't know what's wrong with you tonight,but I'm hungry, I look fantastic,we're staying.Five-course dinner waiting at home,and she's strapping on the feed bag at Ibiza.But then an angel from heaven saved the night.You took our reservation!"Pritchett for two" is us.Come on, let's go! Move your bottom. Come on. Come on.A big gay angel.- Hello. - Hello, Clive.How close are you?I am right outside your door.- Are you ready? - Oh, I'm ready.I don't think you are, because I can still hear your pants. Well, maybe I should just shut them up.I'll be out in a minute.So... will... I.Juliana?Clive, where are you?You have to come find me.Hello?Clive, I give up. Where are you?I'm right here on the bed.Phil, what room are you in?- Who's this "Phil"? - Seriously, what room are you in?- I'm in... 702. - I'm in 226.What?!Well, w-whose room is this, then?There's been a tiny mistake.By the way, I need to apologize to you.I'm sorry I got so silly with all that Broderick stuff earlier. Oh, please, do not worry about it.Cam, I like it when you get a little jealous.Cut it out.As long as we can agreehe does not have a crush on me.Absolutely.- So, to us. - To us.He does not have a crush on you.- No. - Nope.Why do I feel like you're hinting at something? Mitchell,we have talked long enough about Broderick's crush, which he does not have...on you.- Oh, my God, what? - Okay, fine.Since you won't let it go...your assistant is hot for me.That's why he's been playing the saboteur.And you're sure it's not because he wants me?You just said he didn't.Well, I was protecting your feelings.He hugged me in the elevator.He hugged me in the elevator.Well, pick out chinaand move to Vermont.He said it kills him to see someone else have something he wants. Yes. Yes. You're the someone and I'm the something.Okay. All right.- Call him. - Call him?Call him.Why don't we just go over tohis house and stand on opposite sides of the roomand see which one of us he runs to?You get the check. I'll get the car.We are not going over there.And we're not calling him.Cam, who cares which one of us he has a crush on?The important thing is, I have a crush on you.And I wouldn't blame Broderick if he did, too.That's so sweet.I- I wouldn't blame him if he had a crush on you, either. Good.- "Good" What? - Just, good."Good" meaning we're done with this, or"Good" meaning you still think he has a crush on you?Oh, Cam!- The second one. - I'm getting the car.Would you please just come in the house?!You had a whole year to plan, but you don't make an effort.I am the second wife, Jay.Why do you treat me like I'm the first?Look about it inside. Where are you going?I'm gonna take a ride. I need to cool down.Just come in the house. I promise you'll feel better.I don't want to go in there.You're gonna like it better inside.Don't hold me back.I'm sorry about this, honey. I'm sorry.Jay, what are you doing? Are you crazy?!Jay, what are you doing? Are you crazy?!What are you doing? Have you lost your mind? No, but you're about to.Happy Valentine's Day!What the hell?Gloria!Honey.I'm going for a drive.I had a whole private dinner planned.I don't know what happened.But I do. I know exactly what happened!No, you don't.- What the hell? - I win!I see you sneaking around, trying to trick me,so when I figure it out,I move the party over here, and I trick you. I win! What do you mean, you win?I know you think I think you're not romantic,but I think you think I'm not smarter than you.So now we know.You are romantic, and I'm smarter than you.And I bought you a motorcycle.Oh, my God. It's fantastic.I win again!Honey, I love all this, but you can't win Valentine's Day.I mean, you defeat the whole ideaif you make it into some silly competition.Shut up. I win.- Let's go. - So we're really doing this?- Oh, we're doing this. - Well, it's gonna be me.- I'm already embarrassed for you. - All right.- Oh, wait. - What?- Oh, it's a text from Broderick. - Read it. "Mitchell, by now I'm sure Cameronhas told you what happened in the elevator.While I meant every word I said,I realize how unprofessional I was.Please accept my resignation.What you have with Cam is very special,and I would never forgive myself if I came between you. Treasure each other. Sincerely, Broderick".- Oh, Cam, what are we doing here? - I don't know. Maybe if some assistant's crushis so important to us,it means we should appreciate each other a little bit more. Well, I can't think of a better time to start. Come here.And the great thing about that textis we don't have to know which one of us he wanted.I know.I know.What are you doing?Valentine's Day isn't over yet, Juliana.Sweetie, let's not push it.You almost got arrested tonight.That's how it's gonna be?- You're just giving up on us? - I am not giving up on us.I am giving up on Clive and Juliana.Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.I know a couple of people who could possibly save this night. Maybe you've heard of them..."Two American kids, doing the best that they can..."Phil and Claire Dunphy.I am not going back to that hotel tonight,and I'm pretty sure you're not allowed to.Don't need to. Phil and Claire have a bedroom,which they can turn into a hotel whenever they want.But the kids...They're not expecting us home this early.So, you up for a little adventure...Claire?Do you think you can handle it...Phil?"I can't be the girl you want me to be, David."I can only be me. Goodbye. Haley."Send it.- I don't know. - Here, I'll help you.No, no, no, no, no!Wow.That feels really good.Because you're free.And really scary. I haven't been single since I was 9.That's why you need to take your time now...Really get to know yourself before you make any decisions... Five, six years maybe.Years?! I have to call David.The boy who tossed you aside on Valentine's Day?No.You deserve better, Haley,a dreamer, a poet.Wait for him.He may be closer than you think.Do you hear music?Yes, and the fact that you hear it, too...Is that Dylan?!Oh my God!*Imagine me naked.Am I a bad enough parent to ignore that? You are. You're really bad.*Without my best friend.You know, the old Haley would have... - I love you, baby! - Haley!Salud, Jay!- There's my back. - Phil.- Oh, no, keep the change. - Oh, thanks. Did you put an extra tiramisu in here?- Maybe. - Ryan, again?I just like coming here.I tell you, if you were single...- Ryan! - Ryan!。

Honey, honey, look, look.She's doing that thing with her jaw again.Poor kid. She puts so much pressure on herself.It's an obsessive-compulsive thing.I have read like 100 articles about it.Where does she get it from?Yeah, it's -- it's a mystery.I know.Alex...Honey, hi! Hi, hi, hi.Why don't you take a little break?Mom, the test is tomorrow morning.I'm not taking any breaks.Just a little -- oh, okay.She does that jaw thing every six seconds.It's like the hippopotamus at the miniature-golf place. Ohh, I've bounced so many balls off those big teeth. It's all about the timing!Luke!So close!- Stop it, you idiot! - Hey, hey, Luke, go to your room. Go on!She's got to eat.- I did it out of love. - Go.Look at her with the little harmonica.Look at her with the little harmonica.I know. She's like a little junior Junior Wells.Where did you buy it for her?I thought you got it for her.Oh, no. Cam, she must have grabbed it from that store. Okay. Honey...listen. Stealing is wrong.Now, we have to go back and pay for it.Cam, it's so far away.No,I'm not going back there.Tracy?Oh, my god. Mitchell.Uh, this is -- this is Cameron, my partner...Oh. And, uh, our daughter, Lily.Oh, Cam, this is -- this is Tracy.Oh. "Tracy" Tracy.- Yes. - Oh, hi.Tracy was my high-school girlfriend.Yes. Yes, it's true.I had girlfriends -- quite a few, actually.I, too, took my fair share of ladies to the hen house. Literally,I did take them to the hen house.That's the only placeyou could get some privacy on a farm.Really?What were these -- what were these girls' names?Oh, well, there was Nellie Forbush...Oh, well, there was Nellie Forbush...Betty Rizzo...Betty Rizzo...- Eliza... - Doolittle.- Eliza... - Doolittle.These are characters from musicals.You're so gay,you can't even think of real girls' names.Kim Mcafee -- that's a real one."Bye Bye Birdie.""Bye Bye Birdie."What's new?I got married last year.Th-that's great.How long are you in town for?Just a couple of days. We're staying at my folks'. Oh, I want to hear all about Mitchell from high school. Did he have a beard?Uh, you're looking at her.Of course I didn't know it back then.But we should -- we should allwe should all hang out.Uh...no.W-well, take care.Okay.Bye.Thumpety thump-thump. Look at frosty go!That was weird.Well, don't worry about it. It's high school, honey.- Well, actually... - What?At our 10-year reunion, we got a little drunk,started reminiscing, one thing led to another...You went back?I-I think I just wanted to see if I could.Turns out I could.Where did this happen?!Um, in the nurse's office.I can still hear the crinkling of the paper.After that, I-I didn't return any of her phone calls,and I haven't seen her since.You naughty little girl.Well, you know, that's what happenswhen you give me Kahlua.Hello.Jay, guess who called.- The hoffmans. - Who?That's right.The ones from the hotel bar in Cabo.They're in town for the night. They want to go to dinner. Oh, hell. The boring guy and the loudmouth?I know. I was so excited that they called.I don't want to see them.I know! So much fun!You're with them right now, aren't you?Yes! Ha ha.And they can't wait to see you, too!Okay, pencils down. You're taking a break.No, I-I can't afford to take a break.Sanjay patel's not taking a break.Well, obviously, Sanjay's parents don't care about him. Or "her".What is that -- "Sanjay"?Sanjay's the only one in classwho might do better than me,and I cannot let that happen.Honey, listen to yourself.It's just not healthy.This is my fault.You see me achieve excellence,and it puts a lot of pressure on you.What about me?Sorry. Yeah.It puts a lot of pressure on both of you.Thanks, Phil.- Okay, come on. Let's go have some fun! - No!Let's go!Yes!Doesn't this feel good, sweetheart?It's fun, right?Honestly, I think you're overly worried about Lily.It's not like she's gonna grow up to be a thief.And besides, at the end of the day,who does she learn her behavior from?Us.We're her role models.Like mama always said,our children are just miniature versions of us.- Come on. - Cam.Oh, come on, Jay.Give me one smile.I know you want to.Oh, come on, Jay. Give me one smile. I know you want to. Isn't that fun, Jay?Oh, this has been so much fun!You know, I'm surprised to hear you say that.You've been pretty quiet.That's because I'm a listener.I love to listen.It's my hobby.Listening is your hobby?Sure.You guys have got to come out and visit us. Seriously. We're not taking no for an answer.Yes. Yes, yes.- Oh, we would love to! - Okay, let's slow down. You're nice people.We're nice people.But let's be honest --we've all tried to do that thingwhere we force a friendshipthat isn't really there.So why don't we just call it a day right nowand say goodbye, shake hands,wish each other well?Oh, my god.This is so uncomfortable.No, no, but the beauty of it iswe're never gonna see each other again,so there's no reason to be uncomfortable.They're staying with us tonight.Their bags are in our house.Oh, then you were right.This is uncomfortable.This is uncomfortable.Do you like it?The recipe called for a cup of water,but I used milk instead to make the sauce creamier. Cam, I need to tell you something.You hate it.- Cameron. - No.You're right. I shouldn't try anything new ever.Stop it. I'm trying to talk to you.Okay, today,when we were leaving the mall,I saw Tracy by the fountain --Please, don't tell me you slept with her again.Did you? You didn't. Right?You're joking.Yeah.Okay. Um...I don't know how to say this, or -- or if I'm even right. I'm probably not.But, um, she was with a redheaded boy,about 8 years old,which is the same number of years since we...No!And she said she'd only been married a year,and it would explain whyshe was so awkward with me, and --No.I know. I know. It's crazy,but, Cam, I need to find out if he's mine.Are you okay?Yeah. Yeah, well, you don't just tell your partner you may have a baby with someone elseand expect him to go back to eatinga delicious and inventive meallike it's nothing!Okay, Cam, but even if he is mine,it doesn't change anything between us. Mitchell, I need to have my reaction.Jay!They order a cab. Are you happy now?I'll be happy when I hear a trunk close. Hey, mom. You want a drink of water?No, pape. Not right now.You sure? You look thirsty.What's with you and the water today?It's a dribble cup.You can't drink from it without spilling.I think it's going to make me very popular. Ay, pape, why do you need these thingsto make you popular?First the walking stick,- then the business cards. - Are they gone yet? Why did you talk to them like that?What? I was just being honest.They're boring as hell!Quiet! They can hear you!Oh, he probably already heard me.His hobby is listening.Jay, you don't treat people like that.What? I should do what you do?Pretend to like someone you don't?I'm doing it right now.Can I tell you something, Gloria?When you reach a certain age,you want to spend what precious little time you have left with people you actually like,not some bozos who glommed onto you.Tell me about it.I've got a clingy fifth grader I can't shake.See, even Manny knows.I got your back, Jay. Thirsty?Manny, go to sleep.Can we just please forget about this now?And the worst thingis that you sold me out without warningand made me look like a fool.Husband and wife are supposed to help each other,not throw each other under the bus!I would never do that to you!Gloria -- Gloria, wait!Could you get my book for me? I left it downstairs. There you are.Our cab is here.I am so sorry.Not your fault. Well, goodbye.Ay, wait. You left this.Oh, no, that's...for you.In Cabo, you mentioned you were a fanof Gabriel García Márquez.of Gabriel García Márquez.So, we tracked him downand got him to sign a copyof "One Hundred Years of Solitude" for you. That's amazing.Well...No, no. Don't go.I really want you to spend the night here. Jay clearly doesn't.Jay doesn't know what he wants.I don't like to tell this to people, but, uh... Jay's mind is...going away.- Oh, my god. - No.He's so old, some nights it's like...he's not even here.Gloria, honey.That's it. We're not going anywhere.Come on.You never came to bed.I fell asleep in the den.Cam, we need to talk about --Mitchell, wait.Listen.I was up all night, thinking about it.And here's the thing.If you would have told me 10 years agothat I would be living with someoneand raising a beautiful baby girl,I would have said you were crazy.But here we are.And you and Lily are the best thingsthat have ever happened to me.So if you're telling me there's another kid,how can that be anything but good?Oh, Cam, that's -- that means so --No, it's okay.No, I need to have my reaction.We're gonna be okay.So what do we do now?I don't know. I guess I'm gonna have to --I'm gonna have to call Tracyand tell her that we need to talk.Okay.- Are you nervous? - I'm terrified.Yes. I mean, what's this kid gonna think of me?I've been absent for the first eight years of his life.I mean, how do you make up for time like that when --Okay, slow down.You're spinning out.It's probably just a false alarm.No, you're right.This could be my "going bald" scare all over again. Yeah. And we know how that turned out.Honey.What would happen if the greatest scientists on earth got together to mate nature's two most violent predators? Are we talking about "Croctopus" in 3D?At 2 10.Book it!Claire and I share a true love of cheesy cinema.Um, our favorite categoriesinclude genetically engineered animals gone wrong... Old and young people switching bodies.Uh, tough guys taking care of babies.Any sequel three and higher.Oh, yeah.Usually get a new cast around five --That's where the magic really happens.Hey, honey, how'd your test go?Second highest in the class.Well, that's great.Sanjay Patel edged me out by 12 points.- Oh, honey, who cares what she did? - It's a he!Sanjay is a very common Indian boy's name.There are like millions of them.Sweetheart, it's still a great score.I hope you're not beating yourself up.- I'm not. - That's our girl.Sanjay's dad's a surgeon. His mom's a professor.I can't compete with that.I'll just have to do the best I canwith what I was given.Good for you!We're proud of you, honey.She's such a good kid.Yeah, she is.Did she just say she was gonna do the bestwith what she was given?I don't know. I was still thinking about all the Sanjays.I don't know any, but I know three Miltons.She's saying we're stupid!Well, she's...wrong.Is she?Honey, look at how long it just took usto figure out that she's insulting us.Are we holding our kids back?No. We're both bright people.We're college graduates. We read.I'd go so far as to saywe're as intellectual and sophisticated as --Sweet! "Croctopus" tickets confirmed!Oh, I just think that we should offer to take Manny. Maybe for a weekend. Something.Hey, guys.- Oh, hey, Manny. - Hey, Manny.Where are you going?Got a golf lesson.My swing's a mess.Manny's coming with me.No, you can't go downstairs now.You'll run into the Hoffmans.Actually, I want to talk to them,because I've been thinking aboutwhat you said last night,and I'm sorry if I embarrassed you.You're right.You never would have done that to me.- I forgive you! - So I'll say goodbye.No, Jay.Don't do that.First they think you like them.Then they think you don't like them.Don't confuse them.I want to do this for you.Jay, wait!It's okay.Ay, Jay, wait!So, hey, how -- how are you handling things,you know, with Jay?What do you mean?Honey, your mom told usthat Jay's, you know,a little off his game.A little? It's hard to watch.It must be so frustrating for him.Well, he does swear a lot.You know, the worst is when he goes off into the woods. Oh, and when he drives --Oh, my god. Look out.I'm surprised he hasn't killed anybody yet!I'm so glad you guys are still here.I just want to say...sorry for last night.It's okay.We understand.Ay, you see? Problem is solved.Now go. You're going to be late.There's nothing wrong with you guys.You know, it's -- it's me.Oh, we know.We went through the same thing with Steph's father.Now I'm confused.I'm Steph.Uh, here, Jay. I poured you a glass of orange juice. Thanks, kid.What the hell? What's wrong with me?!It's always funny.Jay, go change.I'll be there in one second.Maybe we should get going.Well, at least let me drive you to the airport.- No, no. No, no, no. - Oh, no, no, no.We'll call a cab.Honey, do you want popcorn or anything?No, I'm good...'n' plenty.So hold your water'cause I've got some "Twix" up my sleeve.You may be cool,but I'm...wine cooler.I love us.Thank you.Well, hello, Dunphy!- Who is that? - It's the Patels,Sanjay's parents.Hey. Hey, how are you?I heard Sanjay did so well on his test today.Oh, yes, we're very proud of him.Indeed.Are you here to see "Deux jour de la vie"? Well, we're not here to see "Croctopus"! Forgive Vish if you hear him groan.He gets annoyed if the subtitles are mistranslated. Well, that makes "Deux" of us.I guess we'll...see you in there.- All right. - You bet.See you in there!Phil, where are you going?! "Croctopus."Honey. Honey!I think we should go see this movie.Why do I have to watch a French movie?I didn't do anything wrong.Well, maybe Alex has a point.How can we encourage our kidsto have intellectual curiositywhen we don't have any?I don't know.It's two hours of our life.Fine.For our kids.Sometimes I hate the kids.I know.I'm so confused.I'm not.I love this.You do not.Name one thing you've liked about this.I liked the scene with the old man on the beach. That was a trailer for a different movie.So he's not coming back?No, he's not coming back,and I'm not coming back, either!Some of us are trying to enjoy this film.While Claire watched one of the mosthighly acclaimed films of the year,I sat through a badly made schlockfestwith absolutely no redeeming value.And it was awesome.Oh, my god.It feels like I have ink on me! Sweetheart...What?- Oh, my god. - Honey...I fell asleep. I missed it.Yeah, let's go home.I can't believe I fell asleep and you left.Alex is right -- we're idiots.Claire, stop it.Look...our kid got the second-best grade in the class. Dumb parents don't make kids that smart.She got the best of both of us.Kind of like if you combinedthe jaw strength of a crocodileand the ink-spraying capabilities of an octopus. You'd end up with something unstoppable. But they did stop him in the end, didn't they? "Her". And she laid eggs.- Croctopi. - Yeah.Check out Einstein over there.Well, that's just sad.Hey, Vish.You just do this.Thank you.So, did you enjoy the film?Not in the least.I actually found it quite two-dimensional. Well, lovely to see you.Good to see you, too.All right. Bye.Bye.After you, doctor.After you, professor.Mitchell, Cameron.Come on in.Um, so...w-we need to talk.About what?Do you mind if we sit down?Please.Um, Tracy, I...I have something to say,and I'm afraid that if I just don'tsay it all at once, I'm never gonna say it.So...This takes me back to prom night.Again...sorry about that.Anyway, uh,I saw you yesterday across the mall after we spoke and couldn't help but notice that you weren't alone. Uh, you were with...I don't even know how to put this.His name...is Bobby.Bobby.Such a lovely name.Tracy...I-is he...Yes, Mitchell.He is.Oh, my god. Oh -- okay.Why didn't you tell me?Mitchell, you and I don't have a relationship anymore.I called you after our little...visit to the nurse's room.You never returned any of my calls.I-I was freaked out, Tracy, and I --Hey, let's not rehash the past......but rather, focus on the future.Yes, yes. Yes, Cam and I, um,want to know if you're open...to us...getting to know Bobby.I don't think that's a very good idea.Okay, I understand.No, it might be a little awkward at first,but I think after some time...We brought him a present.For Bobby?Please, we just --we really just want to meet him.Fine.Okay.Bobby?Could you come out here?Hey, honey. What's up?I wanted to introduce you to Mitchell and Cameron. - This is my husband. - Hey. How ya doin'? Hey, what's up, dude?- How ya doin'? - Good.Nice to meet you.- Hi. Cameron. - Hi, there. Yeah.So, uh, how do you know Tracy?Um, uh, how -- uh, we, um...Mitchell took me to the prom.- The prom. - The prom.Oh, a redhead.You really have a type, don't you?They got you a present?Oh...it's not...- You don't need to -- - I wouldn't even --You don't..."Li'l slugger"?"Li'l slugger"?I'm just gonna go and let you two catch up.'Sup?I never realized that you ever had sex with a girl I kind of got around back then, actually.- More than one? - Please.Well, there was Tracy. Who else?Uh, Betty Rizzo.Uh, Betty Rizzo.Don't remember her.Eliza Doolittle?Eliza Doolittle?- Nellie Forbush? - These were classmates?- Nellie Forbush? - These were classmates? Well, s-s-some were older.S-some were younger.Uh, Liesel and Gretel Von Trapp.Uh, Liesel and Gretel Von Trapp.Sisters, obviously -- too far?I'm not an idiot.You played that record night and day.- Why would you tell me a thing like that? - I just...。

Oh,my goodness,those hands are cold.At least, buy me dinner first.Tell my wife and kids I love them.Oh, my god.That's kind of dark, mom.WhatWait, what's my favourite hospital food?Jell-o!Hi, buddy.No, today is so good.Good for what? Who's buddy?Yeah, just head over on to the house.Whose house?who's buddy?OK, see you in a couple.Couple of what? Who's buddy?Kenneth.- Kenneth? - Kenneth!If I had a son, I'd want him to be like Kenneth Ploufe. You do have a son.When we first moved in here,He was the sweet kid who lived next door.Mm, the weird kid who lived next door,But Phil always had a soft spot for himBecause Kenneth sort of looked up to him.I wouldn't say hero.And yet you did.Well, you weren't going to.Claire's always had some issues with Kenneth.He would stare at me a little too long.Can you blame him?You used to dress sexy back then.Ten years. Can you believe it?I feel like we ended that last hug too soon.I-- come on again!Oh, wow, that's a lot of hugging.Oh! She's right. Why hug when you can...- Man-shake. - Man-shake.I'm gonna get the coffee."Man-shake."Are we sure?Roll up the curtain.I don't know what's worse--That he competes every thanksgiving in a pie-eating contest, or that he's 9-time runner-up.It wouldn't be thanksgiving without the contest.Yes, it would.I think I have to tell my pumpkin chunkin story.Oh, no, no, you don't have to.No, I kind of think I have to.Once, Cam and his friendstried to slingshot a pumpkin across a football field.Three seconds.That's all he needs to tell that story.So the fog was rolling in over the mountainsLike an ominous blanketAs we readied the giant slingshot.You know, Lorna, the pastor's daughter,She was nervous because like I said, it was after curfew. She was a goody two-shoe.Only pastor's daughter I ever met that was.So we finally launch the pumpkin,And it sails through the air, goalpost to goalpost...Past the end zone, into the parking lot,Through the open roof of Lorna's dad's car.I turn to Cody and I say,"Now what are the chances of that landing there?"He says, "Where?"And I say..."The sunroof of a preacher man."Wah-wahOkay, come on in!Voila!Ah! Okay, what are we looking at?My centerpiece for thanksgiving.It is wonderful. You're so talented.I can't believe that you did this.Yeah, my juices were really flowing on this one.I actually shot a making-of video.Hey, maybe we can watch it later at the party.Well, yeah, that or football.Mi amor, I'm so proud of you.Is there nothing in the world that you can't do? Centerpieces, for starters.Why do you say everything of his is great,Even if it isn't?Because I'm building him up.That's what parents do.Too much, if you ask me.Kids cross the street nowadays, they get a ribbon. Manny's got plenty of confidence.He just needs a little reality check every now and then. And this thing is a horn of ugly.Shh!My mother used to criticize everything I did.And look at me now.I am a jumble of insecurities.I'm not getting that.Do not say a word to Manny.Fine. But trust me,If you told him the truth, he'd thank you later.Mm. Like Claire and Mitch? Did they thank you?Not yet.But it's coming.Ah! So many memories in this place. Yeah.Do you guys still have, like, every cereal?We have a lot.Yeah! Of course you do. Of course you do.You only have the greatest dad in the world.So what have you been up to?I haven't seen you since you went off to college.Oh, you know, actually, that didn't work out so well.I bounced around for a while.Ended up washing dishes in New Mexico.So without the benefit of a college degree,I guess your options were kind of limited, huh?Ease up. It's a holiday.Yeah, it was--it was tough. Oh, no. no, thank you.- Thank you, though, sweetie. You're so sweet. - Oh. Okay. It was tough for a while...But then a roommate and I started our own business. Oh, was that also in the dish or cleaning industry?No. No, no, no.It was actually a small investment company.Well, small at first.You know, we rode the tech wave for a while,then expanded into video games,amusement parks, sports arenas.Anything that seemed awesome, really.I'm actually in town to buy a blimp.Holy crow.So if you--if you'd gone to college,you would have done all that just four years later,or--or never.Alex really needs to be picked up,Sweetie. Why don't you go get her?I wanna hear more of what he has to say aboutWe're leaving.Kenneth, I am so proud of you.You really made it.Well, I did get one pretty lucky break.Early on, I met a very special guywho taught me that what I thought and said had value.Oh, you mean like--Shh. Luke. Let the man talk.He encouraged me to always find the funand follow this thing.- Your lung? - No, my heart.To this day, at every crossroad,I ask myself one question--What would Phil Dunphy do?Record scratch!Oh, that's me buzzin'.Oh, it's Paris.She's my assistant in Tokyo.You'd think they'd know how to demo 4-d gaming graphics without my help They don't. Hey, luke,what instrument does Yo-Yo Ma play?what instrument does Yo-Yo Ma play?Um... cello?He's me...And he's spectacular.Oh, my god.Kenneth Ploufe is part owner of a resort in the Bahamas, some cruise line,And Lacy Fair, that lingerie company.Oh! Ew! I'm wearing one of his bras!Look, he's got a model in his lap.- No way. - Look at her.This is your fault!Are you seriously gonna stay in here all day?I can't face mom.If I see her, I'm gonna have to confess.Take a breather. It's just a dent.And saying nothing is not lying, okay?It's just letting the truth speak for itself.This is not the time for moral equivocation.Okay, I don't know what that means,and also, don't tell me.You're the one who's gonna lose her driving privileges.I don't know why you're so calm.All we have to do is keep it from momuntil she goes to the store.Then, when she sees it, she'll assume that it happened there, which it did, so it's not really lying.Listen to you.Are you gonna be a career criminal?Ugh. You sound like mom.I don't know what I'm gonna do after high school.It was a supportive "Wah-wah."I was trying to save the moment.There's no such thing as a supportive "Wah-wah."A "Wah-wah" By its very nature is vicious and undercutting. Well, I was just trying to salvage that story, okay?I told you not to tell it,You told it, and it died.It did not die. It's a thinker.Cam, the only thing people were thinking was,"Thank god this story's over."Okay. I get it.So how long have I been embarrassing you with my stories? No, no, no, no. You don't embarrass me.I love your stories, okay?The tractor in the swimming hole?Aunt Betty's wiglet on the piglet?Uncle Carl said she couldn't tell 'em apart.See? Those are funny. You have so many great ones. Well, that's farm life.Rain or shine, there's always a bumper crop of stories.Yeah, I'm just saying maybeyou take punkin chunkin out of the rotation.I guess you're right. Maybe I could just--Yeah, stick to the ones that really happened,because people love those.Excuse me. What?I'm--I'm just saying people laugh more at stories that are true.Punkin chunkin is a true story.True-ish?No. True.Really?The length of a football field,Through the sunroof of a car that was open in late november in Missouri? It was unseasonably warm.That explains the fog rolling over the hill.And who's Cody--Who you're close enough to chunk withbut mysteriously only appears in this story?Cody was K.I.A. In desert storm.Cody was K.I.A. In desert storm.He's a hero.You know, all this from someonewho's never even chunked a punkin.Well, I've never lunked a tunkin, either.You know, these aren't real things.This'll work, right?Totally, dad.Why have one long tablewhen you can use four little ones bistro style?I'll bet this is how the French do Thanksgiving.You don't mind sitting with your Uncle MitchAnd, uh, grandpa, do you?Anything's better than watching Lily chew.By the way,this is the side of your old man that Kenneth was talking about. Original.Imaginative.Fearless.So Kenneth became a gajillionaireby asking himself, "What would Phil do?"He sure did.Where did that come from? Right?But you're you.Why aren't we gojillionaires?Why don't you do what Phil would do?Phil, why didn't you just put the extra leaves in the table? Trying to have some fun, be creative.One long table, honey.If it was good enough for the last supper,it's good enough for us.I'm having second thoughts about this centerpiece.- Ay, no. - Hear him out.I just think if we bring it to Phil and Claire's,we'll never see it again, right?That's the plan.Well, that would be sad.Except maybe my sadness will inspire meto create something even greater.Remember that collage I madethat helped us get through Katrina?You did this. You know that.So...is this the legendary rice pilaf we've been hearing about? Try for yourself.Used to make it every year,but it, uh, started to upstage the turkey.- Something wrong? - Not so much wrong as missing.It--it just tastes a little flat.That a fact?I just think with the earthiness of the rice,you might want something zesty to set it off.I think this might be a job for cumin.You know, since we're sharing- helpful criticisms-- - no, no, no, no.nobody's sharing anything. Manny, go change for the party. No, no, no, but I appreciate helpful criticisms.It, uh, it's important for me that I hear the truth.Makes me stronger,less of a mama's boy.Yeah, mom, he can take it.That's what he says,but you don't really know what he feels underneath. Some people are so sensitive,that they hear one criticism,and it kills the spark that made them special.I think I know what's going on here.Good.This is about you and your mom, isn't it?Yes, it is.No, it isn't.Yes, it is!Manny, don't upset me anymore.Go. Go change.What--what should I wear?Ay, you look good in everything!Where you going, mom?Mm, I gotta run to the store.Someone ate all the marshmallows.Hey, can I tell you something?I was thinking that maybe after new year's break, we could visit a couple more colleges.- Seriously? - I was so hard on you before.I'm sorry. I know I'm no Kenneth.I'm gonna need all the help that I can get.Honey, I am so proud of you. Oh.Oh, thank you.What's this?- Oh, okay. - What are you doing?Oh, uncle Mitch is picking up the marshmallows.Then again, backpacking through Europecould be educational in its own way.No! No, no! No, no, no!Do you know what's illegal in Europe?Nothing!You are going to college!Okay, fine.Darn right it's fine.Piece of cake.My hair's coming out!Wow, honey. I-I think you could make these simpler.Just, you know, sort of do 'em flat and on the side.Hmm. Yeah. Seems like that's how you like me.Flat and on the side.You know what? Sometimes I need to be puffed up and frilly. All right, is this one ofthose moments I'm gonna have to remember laterwhen they ask me if there were any signs?This is what Phil would do--Make fantastic napkin origamithat startles and delights his guests.I know, but, sweetie,they're just looking a little...Claire, you always do this. You squelch me.You squelch me right when I'm about to soar.Honey, you're folding napkins.You're folding my dreams!You know what Kenneth told me?The secret to his success--his whole career, he's tried to emulate me.The only difference is,he hasn't had someone constantly telling him what not to do.So the only reason we don't have a-a blimp tethered to our mailbox is because I'm always shooting down your great ideas?Yeah.Let's review the squelch pile, Phil.Let's see-- the rice pudding franchise.Works for all chewing abilities.Adult tricycles.Just try to fall off.The Aspirin gun.Some people have a hard time swallowing!And you left one out. Hmm.And that, my dear claire, is a real head-scratcher--And that, my dear claire, is a real head-scratcher--"Tm."Action.Hey, friend.You look like you had a rough day at the office.The stress from my job at the robot assassin factory...Is too much to take.Aw, shoot me an aspirin, pal.Maybe someday.But until then, try this on for size.The real head-scratcher features 32 patent-pending "Nogginizers" That gently massage your scalpIn a soothing purr of motorized delight.Ahh. It feels great,And it looks good, too.It's a real lifesaver.You mean a real head-scratcher?"Tm."I love you, Phil,- But you-- - Stop.I love your "I love you."I'm getting awful tired of your "But."I heard it.Welcome, welcome, welcome!Happy turkey day!Hey, is that a new car?Yep! It's the best, isn't it?I can't take my eyes off it.You shouldn't, either.Are you okay, mami?I'm... I'm...Hey, guys! Now the party's started. Come on!- How are you? - Good.You disgust me.Are you hungry?Oh, good. It's still in one piece.You hit those potholes pretty hard.It's like you didn't see 'em.No, I saw 'em.Can I be honest with you, Jay?I'm getting the sensethat you're not the biggest fan of "Allegria"?You got a name for it now? Great.All right. Cards on the table?This is not your best work.Now look, don't get me wrong.You're a talented kid.You're gonna be a big success in the world.But this... this is a swing and a miss.- Well, but my mom said it was-- - It's great, yeah, I know. But how did she say it?What do you mean?There's a big difference between "It's great," and "It's great." You hear that?"It's great," And "It's great."All I hear is a bunch of people telling me I'm great. And that's a problem, because a lot of timespeople will lie to you to protect your feelings,And that's not doing you any favors.You get a lot farther in lifeif you know what you're good at and what you're not. Now you can handle that, right?- Yeah. - Of course you can.How you doing, honey?I'm great.Okay, everybody, come on!Two minutes till dinner! Get ready!Good! All right!Oh, wow, Manny. What have you got there?He made a centerpiece!- Oh, that's fantastic. - It's stunning.It's garbage.No, no, no!What are you doing? It's so beautiful!Stop the lies.Jay told me the truth.What did you say?I mentioned it wasn't his best effort.He said it was a swing and a miss.Why?! Why do you say these things, jay?!It's like I married my mother!Jay, why would you do that?Because he's a Pritchett.But don't let these negative nellies drag you down, Manny, Because one day you could have a trillion-dollar idea-that the people who supposedly love you most-- - Okay, Phil! That's it. Go get the head-scratcher.The real head-scratcher, "Tm"?Go get it, and let everybody else decidehow many trillions I've cost you.Way ahead of you.What's going on here?We are about to make hat history.Or as I like to call it, "Hatstory."Early man had hours and hours to scratch his weary head.But what about today's busy times?Thank you, squire.Great thing about this?You can wear it anywhere.Hit it, buddy.Oh!It's like a thousand tiny angelsare line dancing on my sca--I... it looks like we got a slight malfunction in a rear nogginizer. Oh! Shut her down! Shut her down, buddy!- It's not working! - My hair! It's got my hair!Okay! Fine.That--I'm fine.Forgot about that feature. It's an exfoliating... scrub.Buddy, can you grab the safety shears?You know what, Phil? Keep it up.And I admire you and Manny.I know what it's like to stare down skepticism from a loved one. Cam, not now.Why not now? It's thanksgiving.Families gather. Issues come up.Only if you bring them up.It's healthy to get things out in the open.Y'all know my punkin chunkin story,or do you need a refresher?- We've heard it. -Oh, several times.I love it.With Cody and the friends?Yes. So you know how it ends.But the question is, who here thinks I made that up?Oh. Well, doesn't that tell the whole story right there?Here we have the skeptics, the dream-squashers...the Pritchetts.And here we have the dreamers, the artists, the visionaries. Sweet Caroline!So we're supposed to believe thatyou make a-a pumpkin fly across a football field.Yeah. I can prove it to you right now.Let's go to the football field.Yes! Let's do this. I'd love to end this.Yeah! Let's settle this!Dreamers versus Pritchetts!Bravo! Bravo! When I say "Punkin," You say "Chunkin"! - Punkin! Punkin! - No, no, no!Hold it! I did not just cook for eight hoursso you people could run off to prove some asinine point that's only gonna make half of us feel bad!Come on! Show a little respect.Turkey smells great, sweetheart.Is that turkey?Because something smells like chicken.- Okay, let's settle this. - Yeah.Vamos, vamos! Jay, I drive!When I say "Punkin," You say "Chunkin"!Punkin! Chunkin!This is the coolest thing ever.Okay, I want to film.Ay, no, wait, I want to be in it.Hey, Cam, are you sure this is going to work?Oh, god, you sound just like Cody.Do you think this could launch a human?Luke...- Let's do the pumpkin first. - Okay.They're having fun over there,but you know it's gonna end in tears.Yeah, always does.Knock-knock. Who's there?Physics.- Thank you. - Mm-hmm.Who's gonna be able to launch it?I think it should be Cam!Oh, no! I think it should be all of us!All of us! All of us!Just get right here. Whoo!For the record, I don't squash all of Phil's dreams. Just the ones that are, you know, potentially fatal. I'm just trying to get the kid ready for life. Yeah. Yes, I-if we didn't do this to them,the world would.Okay, everybody, in final launching positions? Get ready to eat some crow!It is not as delicious as it sounds.Okay...Uno!Dos! Tres! Three!What happened, Cam?I don't know. I-I don't know.Can we do it again?No, we only had one pumpkin,and we just chunk it.- Well, we were right. - Aw, yeah.I'm sorry, guys.This usually feels a little better, doesn't it?- Yeah. - Huh? Mm.All right. I-I hate to admit it,but when they put the pumpkin in,I was kind of hoping it would work.- Yeah. - Me, too.All right! Let the gloating begin.You know, it was a pretty good try.We don't need your pity.Let's just get this stuff cleaned up.Well--or if--if maybe we, um...- We launch it from a steeper angle? - Yeah. Then...maybe if you had somebody else,you know, helping you pull the thing.But we don't have any more pumpkins.That's the easy part!They're on every porch up and down the block.- Oh, we can handle that. Come on, kid! - Yeah. Come on. Let's try one.Okay! All right! Let's do it!I say "Punkin," Gang says "Chunkin"!There are dreamers and there are realists in this world. You'd think the dreamers would find the dreamers and the realists would find the realists,but more often than not, the opposite is true.Maybe if this works,we should launch my centerpiece next.It wasn't that bad.Your rice pilaf was.Jay, be careful!Okay. All right.Oh! Oh! Keep going, keep going! Keep going!You see, the dreamers need the realiststo keep them from soaring too close to the sun.And the realists...Well, without the dreamers,they might not ever get off the ground.Okay! Next one's going through the--the goal thingy,I can feel it!Now when Lorna, Cody, and I did this, it was--less talkin', more chunkin.Mom, I need to tell you something.What is it, honey?Ready!I distracted Haley while she was driving,And we dented your car.Fire!Well, girls...Three more seconds, and you would have gotten away with it. Now a human?Come here, Lily. Luke, no.。

Councilwoman Dunphy, how do you respond 邓菲女议员请问你如何回应to allegations that you look super sexy in your new suit?外界认为你穿着新套装性感非凡的观点Uh, I haven't been elected yet. 我还没当选呢Come on, kids! We gotta vote! 快点孩子们我们得去投票了- Honey, come on. Please stop filming. - I'm just excited! -亲爱的拜托你别拍了 -人家太兴奋了嘛After today, you are going to be a councilwoman, 从今以后你就要当上女议员了and I am going to be a first husband. 而我则会成为第一丈夫And if you don't stop filming, 你要是再不停拍you're going to be my first husband. 你就将成为我的前一任丈夫了All right, everybody, come on! 好了大伙儿都赶紧的Do you know what you're doing, kids? 你们记住自己的职责了吗孩子们You guys are manning the phone banks. 你们几个负责电话银行[电话联络选民拉票] Alex, you're in charge of that. 艾丽克斯你是他们的头儿Wh-why is she in charge? And what's--what's a phone bank? 凭什么该她当头儿啊什么是电话银行啊That's why. 这就是原因- Phil. - I got it. -菲尔 -我知道I will be driving 50 of our finest senior citizens to the polls,我负责接送50名十佳老人去投票站assuming, of course, that they remember that I'm coming for them. 当然前提是他们还能记得这件事- Where you at? - High-five. -"你这是在哪儿呀" -说得好Old people occasionally forget things. 老年人就爱忘事Okay. All right, everybody, let's go. Let's go. 好了各位我们出发吧出发吧Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Real quick! 等等等等等等马上就好Sorry. Everybody get in there. Jump in there. 抱歉大家都围过来快点I just want to say how proud of you we all are. 我要说的是我们为你倍感骄傲You're an inspiration. 你就是鼓舞人心的榜样Who would have thought that 20 years ago 谁能想到20年前when you were still in the bloom of your youth-- 当你正值青春大好年华时Okay, I'm gonna go start the car. 够了我要去开车了Claire likes to win. 克莱尔喜欢争强好胜When she was 8, a little girl scout friend of hers 她8岁时一个参加女童子军的朋友bragged she could sell the most cookies. 吹嘘自己能卖出最多的饼干Damn if Claire didn't walk the neighborhood 结果克莱尔挨家挨户推销till she got blisters on her feet and won by ten boxes. 走到脚板起泡比她多卖了10盒饼干Best part is 最精彩之处是Claire wasn't even a girl scout. 克莱尔甚至都不是女童子军The choice is Claire! 克莱尔您的用心之选Vote Claire Dunphy for town council. 镇议员选举请投克莱尔·邓菲一票Aw, I love it! 爱死这个了- What do you think, huh? - I love it. -怎么样 -我太喜欢了We got it on Craigslist. 我们从克莱格分类广告网站上买的Came off a taco truck. 原本是小贩吆喝玉米饼的- It did. - I love that you're doing this for me. -真的 -我很感激你们为我做的一切- Thank you! - You're welcome. -多谢了 -没事I know how important winning is to Claire. 我知道克莱尔把输赢看得有多重要And I love to festoon things. 而我又喜欢装饰打扮We're her dream team. 我们就是她的梦之队So we cleared the whole day, dropped Lily off at school, 所以我们专门腾出今天送莉莉去学校后and voted first thing. 马上就去投票了Although, uh, one of us had a bit of a dimpled chad situation. 尽管某人"基"情爆发难以自控Can you tell me how this machine works again, Chad? 能请你再演示一次如何使用这机器吗基德Oh, sure. No problem. 当然没问题Just wanna look in here. Just-- 我就看一眼就看一眼Thank you. Thank you. 谢了谢了- Bye! Bye!- Thank you, guys! -再见再见 -有劳了各位I can see Clairely now that Duane is gone. 我"克"以肯定杜恩输定了Bye! Thank you! Oh, my gosh. 再见谢了我的妈呀Okay, everybody, get in the car. Let's go. Let's go. 行了大伙儿快上车出发出发Good luck today, Claire. 祝你好运克莱尔Oh, Laurie, thank you. 劳莉谢谢你Hey, by the way, we have some really good news. 随带一提我们家有天大的好消息- What's that? - Becky got into the University of Oregon. -怎么了 -贝琦被俄勒冈州大学录取了Oh, congratulations! 恭喜了Any news, Haley? 你有什么消息吗海莉Uh, uh, no, not-- not yet, 暂暂时还还没有but, you know, super psyched! 不过真为你感到开心呢This whole waiting-to-hear thing has been a nightmare 等待录取的过程就如同一场噩梦since the very first letter. 从收到第一封回信开始就缠绕着我I'm too nervous. I can't do it. 我太紧张了我不敢看"Dear miss Dunphy, 亲爱的邓菲小姐we regret to inform you..." 我们抱歉地通知你What?! Don't leave me hanging! 然后呢别吊我胃口啊After that, I decided to only tell my parents good news. 从那以后我决定只把好消息带回家I have one school left, 就只剩一所学校没回信了and the only good news I've gotten 而我唯一收到的好消息is that my annoying neighbor Becky 就是我那烦死人的邻居贝琦is moving back east to Oregon. 要搬去俄勒冈了- Manny, write this down. - I didn't bring a pen. -曼尼拿笔记下来 -我身上没带笔Election day is America at its finest. 选举日就是美国最辉煌的时刻The people speak, and the government listens. 人民当家做主政府俯首听命I don't know what they do in Colombia. 我不知道你们哥伦比亚是怎么运作的No one does, and don't ask. 鬼才晓得别问了I mean, we know that voting's a privilege, 虽说投票本身就是一项特权but for my daughter to have her name on that ballot, 可当选票上出现我女儿的名字时it just means so much more-- 意义就特别重大了You know what? I think I'm gonna vote later. 算了我还是晚点再投票吧What? Where are you going? 为什么你要去哪里啊Ah, the line is too long. 队伍排太长了It's only three people! And nobody has a gun! 就3个人而已而且又没人带枪It's only three people! And nobody has a gun! [改编自同志口号]We're here, we're Claire, 我们在这里我叫克莱尔get used to it! 接受这个事实吧You know, I'm not sure if that's tracking. 我不确定那口号能让人记得住Here, let me try one. 来让我试一试You don't have to be Clairevoyant to know who to vote for. 无需千里眼也"克"看出"莱"该选谁Vote Dunphy for town council. 镇议员选举请投邓菲一票Uh, uh, uh, Claire Dunphy. 是克莱尔·邓菲Uh, C-Caire's her first name. 她名叫克莱尔I'm sorry if that wasn't Claire. 抱歉我说得不太清"克"[楚]Oh, my God. Look at that. There's a trash can right there, 我的天你看明明眼前就是垃圾桶and that guy just threw his paper on the sidewalk. 那男的还随手乱丢废纸Hey! You in the yellow jacket. 喂穿黄夹克的那个Pick it up and put it in the trash. 捡起来丢进垃圾桶里- Oh, my God. He did it. - Yes, he did. -我的妈呀他还真照做了 -是的Ooh, here. Let me try one.I'll try... 来让我试一下Hey, dragon tattoo, no jaywalking! 喂龙纹身的女孩不要随意乱穿马路oh, my gosh. 亲娘啊This is an instrument of power. 小喇叭真有威力How could they not sell tacos? 用来卖玉米饼怎么就不畅销呢You know what we could do with this thing? 你知道我们可以怎样利用这玩意吗Cam, we could really make a difference. 小卡我们绝对可以造福社会啊We could be the voice of change. 我们可以化身为"改变之声"Ooh, I got it! 我懂了Let's go yell at the dry cleaner that lost my shirt. 立刻去那家弄丢我衬衫的干洗店吼吼看Come on, gang. 快过来伙伴Today is the Dunphys at their best. 今天邓菲一家要全力出击I'm from the "Weekly Saver." Mind if I ask you 我是《每周救星》报的记者介意我- a couple questions about the big election? - Not at all. -问几个有关选举的问题吗 -随便问Fire away. 向我开炮吧Who are you voting for today? 你今天会投谁一票呢Claire Dunphy. 克莱尔·邓菲Finally. I've been waiting for someone to say that name. 总算听到有人提这名字了Why? 为什么Uh... Because I am Claire Dunphy. 因为在下就是克莱尔·邓菲Oh, sorry. They moved me over from ad sales. 抱歉我是从广告营销部调过来的We take turns reporting. 我们轮流报道新闻How do you feel about your chances today? 你对于今天的胜算有多大把握Not as good as I did a few minutes ago. 比我几分钟之前预想的要差了很多No, she feels great. 不她信心满满Um, her spirits are high. The whole family's high. 志在必得全家人都志在必得- There's your headline. - Phil, no. -拿去编头条新闻吧 -菲尔别Uh, how about a photo of all of you? 来张全家福怎么样- Yeah. Sure. Yes. - Mom, mom, mom. Tag. -当然没问题 -妈妈标签- Tag's still on. - Oh, my Goodness. -衣服标签还在呢 -我的天Thank you. 谢了That would have been a really awkward picture. Okay. 不然拍照可就尴尬了好No! 天啊What is that? 那是什么啊Is that a tooth? 是牙齿吗- Ew! - Awesome! -好恶 -太强悍了How old are you? No! 你都多大了- Do it again! - How does that even happen? -再来一次 -怎么会这样啊It's a-a fake tooth from an old ice-skating injury. 以前溜冰时摔的就装了颗假牙- It just fell out. - Oh, my gosh. Why today?! -现在松脱了 -天呐干嘛非得是今天啊- What about the... - Let's not overreact. -怎么办啊 -别大惊小怪- Let's--let me see it. - Okay. All right. -让我看看 -好吧好Got it. Thanks. 拍好了谢谢What happened back there? 你刚刚怎么了Line was too long. I couldn't wait. 太多人排队我懒得等I've seen you wait 45 minutes in line for sherbet! 你买冰沙还等过45分钟呢Well, I happen to like sherbet, okay? 那是因为我喜欢吃冰沙行吗That place I take you 我带你去的那地方has the greatest sherbet on the west coast. 有全西海岸最好吃的冰沙They got lime sherbet, they got coconut sherbet. 他们有柠檬冰沙椰子冰沙Why are we talking about sherbet? 怎么聊到冰沙去了He's clearly changing the subject. 他明显是在转移话题Why aren't you in school? 你怎么没上学啊He's doing it again. 他又转移话题了Manny's right. You're being very ardilla. 曼尼说得对你就像只"阿迪亚"- "Ardilla"? - Yeah, you know, the-- -"阿迪亚" -没错就是那种The one that--that-- 就是那什么- Rabbit? I was being rabbit-y? - No, another one -兔子吗我像兔子吗 -不不是- With the cheeks and the tail and... - Chipmunk? -是大脸蛋大尾巴的 -花栗鼠吗- Possum? -Okay, obviously she means squirrel. -负鼠吗 -她说的明显是松鼠You were being squirrely then, 你之前"古怪如松鼠"- You're being squirrely now. - Better than being a rat. -现在也是"古怪如松鼠" -总比像老鼠好Manny, give us a minute. 曼尼让我和他谈谈Oh, sure. I served him up on a silver platter. 当然好我毫不费力就戳穿了他What? 怎么了All right, it's no big deal. 好吧没什么大不了的There was a woman working there. 有个女人在那儿工作I didn't want her to see me. 我不想让她见到我- Who is she? - Her name is Dottie. -她是谁 -她叫多蒂She's the first woman I dated after my divorce. 她是我离婚后的第一任女友You dated a Dottie after Dede? 你跟迪迪离婚后勾搭上了多蒂Y-you're focusing on the wrong thing here. 你搞错重点了The--the point is it ended badly. 重点是我和她不是好聚好散的I tried to let her down easy, but, uh, 我试图和平分手可是she didn't take it too well. 她没能坦然接受Actually, I don't know how she took it, 其实我也不知道她是怎么接受的'cause I wasn't there. 因为我没看见We dated a few weeks, then after we... You know, 我们谈了几周恋爱然后就你懂的I slipped out of her house before she woke up 我趁她没醒从她家偷偷溜了and never called her again. 再也没联系过她Put my pants on in her yard, put the car in neutral, 我把裤子扔在她家院子把汽车挂的空挡let it roll down the driveway, lights off. 使之缓缓驶出车道车灯都没敢打开Hey, I can't talk about this anymore. 哎呀可耻历史我说不下去了So because of this woman, 所以就因为那个女人you didn't vote for your daughter? 你没给你女儿投票It's Claire! We need her to win! 那是克莱尔啊我们要让她赢I don't want to be around when something that tight comes unraveled.我可不希望她肺都气炸掉把怒火都撒在我们头上I'll figure out something. 我会想办法的Maybe those poll workers take shifts. 也许工作人员是轮班的Stop hiding in your little cave like a-- 别胆小地躲在自己的窝里Like, you know. Like the-- the--the-- 像那啥一样那什么...- I really don't wanna do this again. - No, the-- -别再让我猜了 -不是No. No. The big one, like, uh, the monster furry one. 不不不那种大家伙浑身长毛的Ay, why can't I remember any animal names? 唉我怎么老是记不住动物名字Climb aboard the Dunphy Express. 欢迎乘坐邓菲快车Next stop--democracy. 下一站——民主- Well--no, no... - Please don't go. -别别 -请留步I won't do that anymore. I promise. 我保证不再开玩笑了Oh. Uh, we need to make a quick stop. 对了我们半路停一下I gotta pick up my new glasses. 我要取我的新眼镜No can do. I, uh... 不行啊我...I got a lot of people waitin', so... 还有很多人等着我呢It'll just take two minutes. 就两分钟而已I can't even see the ballot without my glasses. 没有眼镜我连选票都看不清I mark the wrong box, 我要是投错了票next thing you know I'll be married to a guy. 新一届议会就会叫我和男人结婚了Yeah, I-- I don't think it's mandatory, Walt. 允许同性婚姻不代表强制同性结婚沃特I'm a good dancer. They'll come for me. 我跳舞风度翩翩基佬们不会放过我的Oh, yeah. 必须的They will break all your buttons... 他们会把你的衣服扣子弄坏and say you brought it in that way. 然后说你们送来时就是这样Okay, go, go, go! 好快跑快跑Turns out we had a lot of axes to grind. 世间不平事太多正好趁机泄私愤And a hybrid, so there was virtually no stopping us. 而且装备齐全所以我俩就玩个不停了Do not see that movie! 别看那电影You will neither laugh nor cry! 那电影会让你哭笑不得"Best pizza in the city"? "全市最棒披萨"Not even the best pizza on this street. 其实连"全街最棒"都算不上They do not do the hair of the people on those pictures!宣传照上的发型根本不是在这家店做的"Totally free checking"? "完全免费检查"Don't bank on it! 别做梦了Okay, that was really fun, 好了刚刚很好玩But now we gotta go back to campaigning for Claire. 但我们得回去帮克莱尔拉票了We've been saying that for two hours. 这话我们说了两小时了Yes, but now I-I really mean it. 没错但现在我是说真的- Oh, my god, there's Sandy! - Sandra Bullock? -天呐那是桑迪 -桑德拉·布洛克吗[名演员] Yeah, Sandra Bullock. 是啊桑德拉·布洛克We're such good friends, I call her "Sandy," So... 我和她是好朋友所以我叫她桑迪No, Sandy who works at Lily's preschool. 逗你的是莉莉幼儿园的桑迪啦- Right there. - Oh, yeah. -她在那儿 -哦对- You know, she got engaged. - No! -你知道吗她订婚了 -不是吧- To the gay boyfriend? - Totally. -跟她那基佬男友吗 -是啊Oh, how does she not see it? 不是吧她怎么没看出来啊If I was with somebody that gorgeous, 要是我男朋友也那么帅I'd overlook a few quirks, too. 我也不会在乎他的"口味"了First of all, thank you. 首先谢谢夸奖Second of all... 其次point well taken. 说得太有道理了I don't know. Poor Sandy. I feel so bad for her. 唉可怜的桑迪啊真替她伤心- Well, it's better than being alone. - Is it? -还不如单身一人呢 -是吗She's looking over here. 她看过来了- Oh, my god. - Mitchell, you're sitting on the button. -我的天呐 -米奇尔你坐到按钮了What? No--no, I'm not. No, I'm not! 什么我没有没坐到The--it's stuck! 它卡住了And you're the one that had it last 最后一次是你用的- when you were talking to the cheese shop! - Because you know what? -你用它向奶酪店喊话-因为啊If you advertise truffle cheese, 如果你要推销松露奶酪- there are certain expectations... - Hi, Sandy. -就要抓住顾客的期望 -你好啊桑迪Yeah, I'm calling on behalf of Claire Dunphy. 我代表克莱尔·邓菲致电给您- What a beautiful name. - She used to be a citizen. -多美的名字啊 -她曾是普通百姓I'm calling on behalf of Claire Dunphy for town council.我代表镇议会候选人克莱尔·邓菲致电给您All right. How about this? 好要不这样吧if you vote for Claire Dunphy... 如果你投票给克莱尔·邓菲You won't have to pay taxes for the rest of your life. 你这辈子都不用交税了Vote for Claire! 投克莱尔一票Luke! What are you doing? 卢克你这是干嘛You can't say that! 你不能这么说Oh, like she'd be the first politician 政客都是这样的to make a promise she can't keep. 竞选承诺向来不用兑现Well, maybe I don't want to talk to you, either. 是吗也许我也不想跟你说话Maybe you are the one that is bothering me! 也许是你在烦我How do you like that? Eh? 你觉得好受不Gloria, I'm gonna have to ask you again 歌洛莉亚我得再次提醒你to please stick to your script. 请照着稿子读But everybody's saying no to me! 可是每个人都拒绝我I don't get it. 我搞不懂Usually when I ask someone to do something, 平时我叫别人干嘛they just do it! 别人就干嘛Maybe it's because these people can't see you. 也许是因为那些人通过电话无法看到你的美貌I don't like it. 我不喜欢Can't you just hook me up to some sort of camera? 你不能给我弄个视频电话吗Well, thank you, Maggie, for the vote. 谢谢你麦琪谢谢支持Okay. Bye-bye. 好的再见Here's your seat. 请坐在这儿Thank you. Um, you'll have to excuse me. 谢谢请原谅I'm a little nervous. I've never been on the radio before. 我有点儿紧张我从没上过电台Don't worry about it. 别担心- Just think of it as a conversation. - Okay. -就当是聊天好了 -好的Here are your headphones. Volume control. 这是耳机音量控制- Don't get too far from the mike. - Okay. -别离麦克风太远 -好的Make sure your cell phone's off. 请确认手机关闭Oh. Cell phone. Right. Um... 哦关掉手机对...And you're not chewing gum, are you? 确认下你没在嚼口香糖对吧No, I'm not. I just had some temporary 没我没在只是刚做了些临时性的dental work done. 牙科类小手术The last thing I need-- 最后我只需要...And welcome back to "A matter of record." 欢迎回到《时事记录》I'm Cecil Van Gundy. 我是希瑟·范·甘迪Joining us now in studio is district 43 今天来到演播室的是来自43区的town council candidate Claire Dunphy. 镇议会候选人克莱尔·邓菲Thank you, Cecil. 谢谢希瑟It's a pleasure to be here. 很高兴能参加这个节目So... You're a first-time candidate. 那么...你本次是首次参选Tell us what got you involved. 跟大家说说你是怎么有这个念头的It all started with a, um... 一切都始于一个...With a stop sign. 一个停车标志I was concerned about safety in our neighbourhood 我忧心于我家周围的街道安全and I was not getting any satisfaction from city hall. 并且我没有从市政厅得到满意的答复What's wrong with mom? 老妈是抽什么风了Oh, this isn't good. 哦这下可不妙She sounds drunk! 她听起来跟醉了一样That's not her drunk voice. 你是没听过她喝醉后的声音Tell us about some of the other issues facing our town. 再说说咱们镇上存在的其他问题吧Where do you stand on the city's 你对本市针对污水和可持续发展的sewage and sustainability initiative, 倡议提案持什么样的观点the so-called S.S.I.? 就是所谓的"污持案"One cannot really talk about 如果我们要讨论s-s-sewage and sustainability "淤"...淤水和可持续发展的问题without first discussing... recycling. 就不得不先探讨...循环利用的问题This city can do more... 政府方面可以做得更多...- What the hell's wrong with her? - with the recycling program... -她是想闹哪样 -针对循环利用问题She sounds drunk! 跟喝醉了一样- ...currently... - It's a tooth thing. -当前... -都是牙给闹的What's wrong? 怎么了Oh, I'm almost out of air. Oh, boy. 氧气快吸完了天啊Is that serious? 那很要紧吗Is oxygen serious? 你觉得氧气要紧吗You know what? I lost a ton of time getting your glasses. 说实话帮你取眼镜耽误了我大把时间I'm just gonna drop you at home. 我还是把你丢家里吧You can get your air. I can drive other people. 你能好好吸氧我也好去接其他人I don't have any more tanks at home. 我家里没有多余的氧气瓶了Why? That seems like bad planning. 怎么会你要学会未雨绸缪啊Well, I forgot to order them. 我忘记再多订点了My pills make me forget things. 服的药总让我很健忘Oh, shoot! I gotta take my pill! 哦靠我该吃药了Please tell me you have it with you. 你别告诉我你药也忘带了Of course I do, but I have to take 'em with food. 当然带着了但我必须和食物一起服下- Don't I? - Are you asking me? -是的吧? -你问我我问谁去Uh, yes! I do take them with food! 对的我就是和食物一起服下的Ooh. I don't feel so well. 哦我感觉不大好Okay, I'll get you whatever you want! 好的你要什么我都给你弄来I'll get you the air, I'll get you the food. 给你去搞氧气给你去搞食物Then I'll vote for your drunk wife. 然后我去给你的醉媳妇儿投上一票That is not her drunk voice! 那可不是她酒醉的声音Thank you so much for voting. 非常感谢你参与投票We appreciate it. 非常感激Hi. I'm terribly sorry. Excuse me. Jay Pritchett. 嗨非常抱歉打扰下我是杰·普里契特Uh, can I get in-- in and out really quick? 能不能让我速战速决Thank you. This is all I needed. 谢谢给张选票就成Thank you very much. Thank you very much. 非常感谢非常感谢All right. Claire, Claire, Claire. 好的克莱尔克莱尔克莱尔Claire, Claire-- ahh, ahh. Here. 克莱尔克莱尔在这里I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! 抱歉抱歉抱歉Hello, Dottie! 好啊多蒂Jay! It's so nice to see you! 杰见到你可真开心- Is it? - Oh, why wouldn't it be? -是吗 -哦为什么不开心That was a long time ago. Water under the bridge. 都是陈年旧事过眼云烟了- We're good. - Oh, that's great. -没关系的 -哦那就好Thank you so much for voting. 非常感谢你参加投票You remember my daughter Claire. She's-- 还记得我女儿克莱尔吗她现在...She's running for town council. 正在参选镇议会议员- Oh, isn't that neat? - Yeah, I'm so proud. -哦真是不错啊 -我真为她骄傲So you're gonna put it in there, huh? 你该把选票放进去吧Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah. Definitely. 是啊当然当然要放进去cause every vote counts, you know. 每一票都很重要是吧Thank you so much for voting. 非常感谢你能参与投票- You know... - Yeah. -我说... -是啊Boy, I'd sure like to see the sweet sight 天啊我要亲眼看到我这宝贵的of my vote... counting. 一票...计算在内Why would I say I'd do something and not do it? 我为什么要许诺某事却不履行呢That would make me a liar... 我这不就成了个骗子了嘛instead of a trusting widow 我只是个容易轻信别人的寡妇Who fell asleep in the warm embrace 曾经睡倒在一个男人温暖的怀抱中of a man who promised to make breakfast. 他可答应我要给我做早餐呢Okay, here it is. 很好该来的躲不掉Look, I am so sorry. 听着我十分抱歉You were the first woman I'd been with besides my ex--和前妻离婚后你是我遇到的第一个女人35 years. 35年的婚姻I panicked. 我慌了手脚An-and it wasn't 'cause y-you weren't pretty naked 我倒不是说你脱光了就不漂亮or anything like that. 或者类似的什么原因I'd have run from Angie Dickinson. 我要躲着安琪·迪金森啊- Oh, lucky her. - Dottie-- -哦她可真幸运 -多蒂- Good-bye, Jay! - Dottie, Dottie, please. -回见杰 -多蒂多蒂拜托I'm just trying to get my ballot in the box. 我就是想把我的票塞进"洞"oh, yeah, that sounds familiar. 果然还是老样子Yeah, but you don't have to do anything. 恩都不用麻烦你做什么Just let me put it in! 让我自己把它"插进去"Uhh. Shouldn't have said that. 我这话听起来真别扭We are so sorry. 我们实在太对不起了We did not mean for you to hear any of that. 我们不是故意让你听到那些话的Yes, and you know what? 对其实We shouldn't have been gossiping in the first place. 我们一开始就不该八卦你的But what if you're right? 万一你们是对的呢What if Gregory is gay? 格雷戈里就是个同性恋怎么办When my mom said it, I didn't believe her. 我妈跟我说过我没敢信她She lives in Iowa. 毕竟她住在爱荷华[允许同性婚姻]But coming from you two! 不过要是你们也这么认为- Means nothing. - No. -完全证明不了什么 -对We barely know your fiance. 我们对你的未婚夫一无所知- If he says he's straight, he's straight. - Mm. Straight. -他说自己是直男他就是 -直男We're getting married in a month. 我们下个月就要结婚了People are flying in. 人们都往这儿赶来了He signed us up for dance classes. 他为我俩报了舞蹈课Oh, my god! 哦天啊No. No, no, no. Hey. 别不要这样嘿- This is what gays do. - Yeah. -基佬就爱这样 -对- We gossip. - We gossip a lot. -喜欢聊八卦 -大聊特聊He gossips! 他也爱八卦No. No. You're missing the point, okay? 不是的你没理解我的意思We see a great-looking guy like Gregory, 每当我们看到像格雷戈里那样的美男子and we say he's gay because we want him to be gay! 就会说他是基佬因为我们希望他是- Really? Really? Are you sure? - Yes. Yes. -是吗你们确定吗 -是这样的Absolutely. Look at what we do with movie stars. 就是这样见过我们怎么对待影星吗Okay. 对You know? Hugh Jackman-- he sings, he dances, 知道吗休·杰克曼他又会唱又会跳He's dreamy! 真是梦中情人So obviously we would want him on our team! 很明显我们特想他与我们站在"同"一战线- Yeah. - But he's straight. -对 -但他就是个直男Trust me, I know. 相信我我很清楚的I said hello to him once in a restaurant, 有一次我在餐厅里跟他打招呼and there was absolutely no chemistry. 那一刻我嗅不到丝毫的基情Well, if that isn't proof... 是啊说到这份儿上你要还不信...Three weeks later, Sandy and Gregory got married, 三个星期后桑迪和格雷戈里结了婚and everyone said the wedding was beautiful. 每个人都说那婚礼美极了Gregory did the flowers.... 那些花可都是格雷戈里布置的Which is perfectly normal for a straight guy. 对于一个直男来说其实一点都"不奇怪" The Greeks do one thing right, and it's lamb! 希腊人就一件事做得靠谱就这羊肉All right. Let's go vote. 好了咱赶紧去投票吧Why the hell does your wife want to be a politician, anyway?你家媳妇儿哪根经搭错了非要跑去当政客You heard her. She wanted to put up 她不刚说过她就想在布里斯托路和a stop sign at Bristol and Greenleaf, 绿叶路那放块停车标志But then she ran into-- 然后她遇到...Wait, wait, wait! 等等慢着That's near where I live! 我住的地方就离那不远Yeah. We're neighbors. Let's go! 对啊我们是邻居呢走吧No way I'm voting for that! 我才不会给这事投票呢Too much government already. 政府已经管得太宽了I didn't fight a war so some politician 我为国上战场可不是为了让政客来告诉我could tell me where I have to stop my car. 我该在哪个地方停车You don't even drive! 你根本就不开车That's 'cause that Barack Obama took my license away.那是因为奥巴马那家伙把我驾照吊销了I don't think he was involved in the decision! 我可不觉得那事跟他有关I left the house today to get 50 votes for my wife. 我今天出门是要给我老婆拉到50票的I'm not going home with zero. 我才不要一票都没有就回家The least you can do is walk right in there 你至少能帮帮忙走进去and punch a hole for the woman 替我家媳妇投上一票who drags your garbage can up your driveway every Tuesday!她每周二都帮你把垃圾桶推上车道啊I don't like it! Goes against everything I believe in. 我不喜欢那跟我的全部信仰都背道而驰Really? A stop sign?! 是吗就一个停车标志But I'll do it, 'cause you're a good kid. 不过我会去的因为你是个好孩子And I had a nice day... 我今天原本过得也还不错till you started yelling at me. 直到你冲我吼了起来So sorry. Thank you. 十分抱歉谢谢你了Here you go. 走吧You know, my wife was an alcoholic, too. 告诉你我老婆以前也是个酒鬼Okay. Let's just go vote. 好吧投个票而已That's veteran political reporter 那是老兵政治记者Walter Shapiro. 沃特·夏皮洛Hi, everyone! 大家好啊- Any news? - Not yet, not yet, -有什么新闻吗 -还没还没But even if I lose, at least now I know 不过即使我输了至少我知道I have a future in radio. 我在播音界还是有点前途的I couldn't. People need to see me. 我就不行人得要看见我的脸才行Before we get the results, I just want to thank you all 在拿到结果之前我想要感谢你们大家for everything you've done for me. 感谢你们为我做的所有事Mitch and Cam, for campaigning for me all day 米奇和小卡谢谢你们一整天in your little Claire-mobile. 开着你们的"克莱尔号"为我竞选。

So then what happened?Well she didn't show up to school the next day.And I heard that she slept over at his dorm.No way.Seriously, are you surprised?Do you not know Carley?Have you not seen what she wears at school?Girls, let's cool it on the gossip, okay?It's not right.And Carley's got enough problems.What do you mean?Well, her mom can't get through soccer practicewithout a thermos of chardonnay,And don't get me started on the dad. That guy is--- Oh, my god! - Oh, my god!- Mom! - Oh! This is such a dangerous intersection!Did I get lipstick on my face?No, you're fine. And consider yourself luckyyou didn't just get, like, felt up by your mom.They need to get a stop sign.What is your obsession with traffic?It's an obsession with safety.One of these days, joe speeder's gonna come tearing through here, and somebody's gonna--aah! Aah!I'm okay.- Oh, my god! I'm okay. - Oh, hey, guys.- Phil? - Yeah. No, I'm good. Gotta keep moving.Keep the heart rate up.Oh. Okay.How's my face?Still good.Okay. Good.Gloria, how many times do I have to tell youto pull your car all the way in?The gate was open all night.We live in a nice neighborhood.What are you afraid of? That some money's gonna fly in and then your gardener is gonna have to rake it up?Jay, I'm going to need you to cut me a check.What now?Drama club trip. "Les miserables."We're selling wrapping paper to raise money for the tickets. No. No. Wait. Wait. Slow down. What's the story exactly? Well, Jean Valjean spent 19 years in prisonfor stealing a loaf of bread.The wrapping paper.19 years for a loaf of bread?How good was this bread?It wasn't about the bread. It was about the society-- Focus, people.Manny, we will buy all your wrapping paper.No. No, we won't. No, he's got to learn to sell.This is the best business training there is,hell, the best life training.Manny, write this down--"A good salesman goes after Moby Dick in a rowboat "A good salesman goes after Moby Dick in a rowboat and brings the tartar sauce with him."Jay is always telling me to "Write this down."I don't always catch everything he says. "Something, something, firm handshake.""Never take the first room they show you."Not sure who "They" Is.And this one just says "Pancakes."Cam, what's this scribble on the "Vanity fair"about an adoption agency?Oh, um, yeah, they called to saythey wanted to reschedule our home visit.When? Why didn't you tell me?Th-this is kind of important.Well, when does it say?Uh, well, who knows?It disappears into jennifer aniston's hair.You gotta get a better system.There is nothing wrong with my system.Ask me anything about any upcoming event.I can tell you when and where it is.When is the adoption agency visit?Okay. Is that a "5" or a curl?Oh, I hope Jen's finally found love.What happened here?Well, Lily and I woke up in a French mood,so we decided to whip up some crepes.When are you gonna be in the mood to wipe up some crepes? Oh, I know, it's a little messy, but...- you know what? I'm gonna clean it up. - Okay.- I'll clean it up. - Will you?- Just say what's on your mind. - You never clean up.Save the gasp.Cam, whenever you get creative in the kitchen,I'm the one who ends up cleaning it up, okay?The homemade pizza, fondue, molecular gastronomy.I'm still cleaning shrimp foam out of the curtains.Okay, you know, Mitchell? Just go to work, okay?I'm gonna take Lily to school, and then when I get home,I'm gonna scrub this place like a crime scene,which it is, because you've murdered joy.Hey, buddy. What's up?Hey, dad. Think fast.Oh, my god!- Oh, my god! - Oh, my god!If we had that on tape,it'd be the greatest youtube video ever!We'd get, like, a million hits. This is our double rainbow!We'd get, like, a million hits. This is our double rainbow! We need to do it again.Oh, I would, buddy, but, uh,Your mom's all over me to change a bunch of lightbulbs. How many moms does it take to screw on a lightbulb? How many moms does it take to screw on a lightbulb?I don't know.None, 'cause they get you to do it, sucker.I laughed, but...It hurt a little.We're home!- Us, too. - Oh, great. You're all here.What's up, girl?Oh. You know that really dangerous intersection?Where desire meets jealousy, and the result is murder? Mnh-mnh. The one where I almost killed you this morning. Oh, yeah. Sorry. That was my bad. I got lost in my jams. Dangerous combo-- speed walking and speedwagon. Oh. I wasn't even trying for that.Nice.Well, I am getting us a stop sign.I called City Hall, and how is this for amazing?The Traffic Committee meets tonight.I've got goosebumps.I know, right? All I have to do is get 50 signatures,show up, make my case.- It's on. - I am so proud of you.We all are. Mm.We love when mom gets on a project.Because usually the minute any of us walks in the door, she gives us something to do."Do your homework. Clean your room.""Put on pants."Like the Queen's coming over. Am I right?So when she's not around or gets busy,Luke and I capitalize on the situation.There you are, my good man.Squire, let's do it.Get you some!Well, I think it's awesome.I am so glad because I could really use your help getting these signatures.I'll do it,soon as I change those lightbulbs you wanted. Great. Kids?Crud. You know, I've got a ton of homework.- Uh, science project. - Haley?I need to get started on my college essay.You know what? Maybe I'll write it about you.You're just so inspirational.Girl power! You rock.Thanks, honey.I do rock.Stella, down.Stella, no. This is very dangerous.Okay, Estella. That's it.Come here, because Jay is gonna be very mad if something happens to you.Go play with the bone. See you later.Now I can cook my empanadas.The gate.Ay, no!Ay, no! The gate! The gate!Estella, come back!Hey there, Mr. Salesman.Can we not talk about business?That bad, huh?I gave it everything I got--Working the dimples, going big eyes.It got me two things-- diddly and squat.How many houses you hit?I don't know.Must've been at least three.Three? And that's your idea of the best you got? It was very hard on me.I'm not used to rejection... or hills.Look, you can't quit after three houses.That's-- that's not perseverance.What are you selling?- Wrapping paper. - Wrong.You're selling Christmas--the excitement of opening presents,the taste of eggnog.I do love eggnog.Look, write this down--"What's the difference between 'try' and 'triumph'?"A little oomph?A little oomph. Get it?Of course I get it. I just said it.Hey! I'm gonna kill you when I find you, silly dog! Why don't you come back? Stella!I have a theory.Ay, Cam, thank you for helping me.Oh, it's my pleasure. Stella!Stella!Oh, my god.What? Do you see her?No. But I see myself in the role I was born to play. Stella!Stella!Hello? Oh, Mitchell, you are not gonna believe this. I'm out helping Gloria look for her dog.I'm wearing an undershirt and I'm screaming "Stella," Just like in "Streetcar."- Hello? - You didn't clean the kitchen.Mitchell, I am an inadvertent Stanley Kowalski. Mitchell, I am an inadvertent Stanley Kowalski.How can you not be delighted by this?You promised.I was called away for an emergency.Gloria's lost her dog, and she's heartbroken.Where are you, dumb dog?I hope in a big, black hole.I cannot believe That you did this to me yet again. Oh.I didn't do anything.I cooked a meal in our kitchen.And then you left on purpose, knowing thatI would not be able to sit here without cleaning it up. Life is messy sometimes. Big deal.It gets cleaned up.You're the one with a problem if you can't leavea few dirty dishes for a couple hours.O-okay, fine. C-cam, I'm not cleaning it up.Great.I mean it.Perfect. You know what?Why don't you make it bigger?You know what? I will.I-I... Okay, you know, get--get ready,Because you are gonna come home to--to a giant mess.And I will give him a giant hug when I get there.Stella!Hey, dad. Think fast.Oh. Wow. Buddy.I'm sorry. I told you, I gotta change the lightbulbsand then help your mom with those signatures.Never mind.I guess it was a stupid idea anyways.I've always said that if my son thinks of meas one of his idiot friends, then I've succeeded as a dad.If he wants to go the wrong way on the escalator, I'm on board. If he wants to go into a restaurantand pretend we're Australian."G'day mate!""Toss a few shrimp on the barbie for me and my Joey." Yeah? Right? Nicole Kidman?Men at Work?Here we go. Take 12.Hey, buddy! I'm home!Hey, dad. Think fast.Wow. You know, my arm's starting to hurt a little.Really? Cause my face feels great.Come on, dad. Let's not turn on each other.We could be here a while.Yeah. Okay. You're right. Here we go.Take 9.You're not even trying.Daddy, I'm hungry.What do you want, honey?Raisins.All right well, go get 'em.It's too high, daddy.I can't reach.For the record, I am not a neat freak.I-in fact, in my first long-term relationship,I was the messy one, which is why she broke up with me. - No, thanks. - Okay.Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Let me show you how it's done. Hi. Uh, Jay Pritchett here.Holidays are just around the corner.I'm sorry. I don't believe in wrapping paper.What do you mean you don't believe in wrapping paper? It's not bigfoot. It exists.It's not eco-friendly. It's wasteful.No, not this stuff.This paper was made from 100% recycled materials.I don't think so.I can't understand what you're saying.She's an ugly little fresh bulldogwith the tiny ears and the smushy face.What is so hard to understand?Maybe I should translate.I really don't like people coming to my door unannounced While I'm working on my carving.I understand, but a stop sign is really important.What exactly are you carving?Hello, ma'am. Do you love Christmas?Actually, I'm jewish.Oh, well, then you must appreciate a good value.Oh, jeez.If you see her, let us know.Oh, my god. No, no. No, no.Are you kidding? Seriously?!See? You're not keeping your head in the right position.I know that's me, but I'm not remembering any of this. Oh. Those stupid neighbors!- What's wrong? - I can't ask for a simple signature.But it's fine for them to build a housethat looks like the Beverly hillbillies just moved in.Did you do any better?We came close a few times,But you're not talking about the basketball, are you? Phil, tell me you got some signatures.I have to be at city hall in, like, two hours.Oh, god. Haley, how about you?I've been busy with my college essay.Really? Where is it?It's in a rough, rough draft right now.I've been thinking that maybe that I should--Alex has been skyping with her boyfriend since you left. That's so not true!Thank you.Really, thank all of you so much for your help. Really?Sometimes those things need to warm up, like the car. Phil, don't even. I have been out there,trying to do something good for our community, because let me tell you, change doesn't just happen.It is forged by empowered women like meAnd Norma Rae and the lady from "The Blind Side." And Norma Rae and the lady from "The Blind Side."Do you know what the difference is between me and her? Blind side's family had her back.Okay.Huddle up, everybody.Your mother's right.She's the quarterback of this family,And we need to protect her like blind side did.She just said the mom was blind side.Well, she's confused.Blind side was the black kid who played tight end. Offense line.Sorry. African-american kid.There she is.Ay! Stella!Ay, thank god you found my dog. Thank you.This is my dog. Her name's pinky.No, it's not. Her name is stella.It says right here on the tag. Look.Uh, uh, uh, excuse me. Hi, sweetie. What's your name? Blanche.Shut up. Mitchell would die.Listen, we don't know you.You seem like a very sweet little girl,And right now we're forced to--I can't believe I'm saying this to you--rely on the kindness of strangers.I'll sell her to you for $200.That's it. Give me my dog.Oh, really? The little girl thinks because she can scream, she can get away with everything? I can scream, too. What the hell sound is that?Coyotes must've got a cat.Jay, can we stop now? I'm getting hungry.You know what the problem is? You're not hungry.I had a carrot at 3:00.What if you couldn't feed your familyUnless you made this next sale?What if you were gonna lose your house?I know I was pushing the kid hard, but here's the thing--I'm an older dad. I'm not gonna be around forever.And I'll sleep better knowing he's got something to fall back on. Come on! Let's hit another one.- I can't do it. - What?- I don't have what it takes. - What kind of talk is that?It's the truth, Jay.I'm not a great salesman. I'm not a great businessman.I'm not you.Do you know what it's like to see all the amazing thingsYou've accomplished, knowing I never will?How am I supposed to live up to you?How is anyone?Ah, so the fish weren't biting today.So what? That's life.You tried hard, and that's what matters.Yeah.You know, I-I actually need some wrapping paper.You know where I can find some?- You don't have to do that. - I want to do it.You'll never go broke playing to a rich guy's ego---Write that down.Thanks so much, you guys.Maybe you should make a wish.Uh, hi. Oh, I'm sorry.Um, I'm here for the Traffic Committee meeting?The meeting's been adjourned.- Yeah. Um... - It's my birthday.I'm sorry. Happy birthday.Uh, just--someone sent me to the wrong room,and you guys don't meet again for months,and this is pretty much a matter of life and death, so... Uh, yeah, it's fine.Uh, just-- if you could make it quick.We--it's an ice cream cake.- Okay. - A-actually, it's not.- What? - No.Really? Oh, then we-- we're not in a rush, I guess.At all. No rush. Go ahead.Great. My name is claire dunphy,and my family and I live near- that intersection of -- - Why not? Why not?The freezer was broken, and we couldn't keep it here. See? This is why I ask you to think ahead, okay?Do you have your 50 signatures?Uh, almost. I have 34, but I--Oh. That's the same thing.Wow. I'm confused.- It's not the same thing. - No.No. 34 is not the same thing as 50,just like a cake is not the same thing- as an ice cream cake. -Right.- I get that. Sir, I'm trying to save lives here, - Mom- and I can get you the rest of the signatures. - Mom. Mom. Mom. - Mom! -Oh, my god. What are you doing here? Girls.We--we went door to door and we got you 20 more signatures. That is so sweet of you.Well, you were freaking out at us, so...Okay, you know, let's not ruin it.All right, 54 signatures.So what do you say?Let's start saving lives one intersection at a time.Okay, thank you very much.We will, uh, take these under advisement.just leave 'em here, and thank you--Wait a minute. I know what that means.Oh, here we go.That's Washington-speak for "Get lost."Well, um, wow, Phil.what are you doing here?I'm your husband.I'm blindsiding you.Your honor, permission to approach.- Not a judge. -I'll allow it.I'll get straight to the point because this is important,and that appears to be an ice cream cake.Well, it's not!Okay. I present to you"Stop in the name of life."Kick it.Clive Bixby.Can I meet you at Harry's bar in two minutes?Baby, I can do anything in two minutes.I'll just speed throughthe intersection of Greenleaf and Bristol.It's easy 'cause there's no stop sign.I love being a kid.I have my whole life ahead of me.No!No!No!No!Okay. Well...Powerful.And unconventional, but I believe it makes our point, so what do you say?Well, the kid was all right. I didn't care for you so much. But if I were to give a stop signto everybody who wanted a stop sign... mm-hmm.This city would grind to a halt.- I understand, sir, but-- - Thank you, ma'am.- Thank you. Thank you. -Allow me. Allow me. Ladies and gentlemen,I've lived with this woman for 20 years.If she wants a stop sign...There's gonna be a stop sign.Mm-hmm. He's right.- Listen to the man. -Yeah.Still--no good?No bueno?I'm home!Oh, hey. Did you find Stella?Safe and sound. Mm.I did it! I left the mess. Aren't you proud of me?I sure am. Good for you!You know, it wasn't easy at first,But I just-- I took Lily to the park,and I completely put it out of my mind.And I think I really cleared a hurdle today.Oh, that's great. I'm super proud of you,And you're--and you're not even tempted to clean it up now? - No! -That's great.No, not now that you're home.So guess I'd better get started.Yeah.I don't like it.It's so gross.Oh, my god.What?I was right. You wanted me to clean it up.Oh, that's preposterous.I will not stand here and take this from you. Oh, Cam!"Life is messy. I love chaos."You are so full of it. Well, you know what?That's all right. No worries. Hey, come on. Come on. Just embrace it. It's life.Oh! Okay, now that is gratuitous.- Oh, it's okay. - No! That's Lily's favorite cereal. This is ridiculous.Relax! Hey, Lily! Honey, come here! Sweetheart, do you want a princess hat?Yes! Yes! Yes!Okay.Oh. Oh, okay. That--that is enough! No!You've proven your point. I don't like to clean up. It's smelly, it's sticky, and after I eat,I'm tired, and I just want to lay down.And you put it off, knowing that I would do it? Yes! Are you happy?Yes... I... Am.Hi. I'm Ellen Roberts from the adoption agency. I'm... Here for the home visit.I might need to tweak my system.Hey, dad. Think fast.Sacagawea!Wait,wait,wait...I need a break.Oh! John philip sousa!78 views.We are on our way.Yeah, we are.You know what, Lukey? My dad was away a lot. And I'm not gonna do that to you.I'm gonna be the kind of dad...How many more of these do you wanna do?。