摩登家庭 -第3季第13集-字幕-对白-中英文对照-看美剧学英语-打印-word版

Haley, hurry up!You don't have much time, and I made chocolate chip pancakes. Mom, I'm not 12.Dibs on hers.Honey, you excited about your first day?You know what? I really am.There's something about going to workthat makes you feel like you're...I don't know, worth something.No offense, mom.Listen... I wanna give you some advice.Do it fast. She's gonna be late.Work hard.Keep your eye on the ball.Stay focused.Never... check it out!Cam in overalls!Mitchell sent me the same text!Why "Look what you've done"?Oh, because Cam is helping me outwith that baseball field,and Mitchell hates it when he gets all farmed up.His turn-offs are farm, Fizbo,And, worst of all, farmbo.Howdy, life pardner!Well, I gotta go. Don't wanna be late for my first--Oh, my god! Why didn't you guys tell me the time?!So what do you think? Can we turn this into a baseball field? Oh, yeah. No problem.You know, back on the farm,I once turned an acre of corn into a snowflake-shaped maze. It'd still be there if our neighbor Billy Bob Sheinberghadn't seen it from his crop dusterand said it looked like a swastika.So how good's Luke's team anyway?Well, you may have seen them on youtubeunder "Boy stuck in batting helmet"or "Pitcher beans self."But a few of them went through puberty early this year, so... They say it's because of hormones in our milk.But whatever it is, they really jacked up.Luke and Manny's team tied for the final spot in the playoffs, but since nobody was expecting it,all the fields were booked.The other team wanted to settle with a coin flip.We said "Rock paper scissors." That's when talks broke down. So what do you do when you can't find a field?You build one.And we got the last laugh,'cause guess what I found there?Rocks, paper, and scissors.- I see home plate up here. - Mm-hmm.I see pitcher's mound in here,And I see little boys' dreams coming true everywhere.I found a dead snake!It's perfect.Not dead! Not dead!I'm gonna be mother of the year.I'm gonna be mother of the year.And this is our dining room, where we eat.And this is our kitchen, where we also eat.Who are you talking to?It looks like you lost your tour.Or your mind.The baby.Shorty's girlfriend Darlene send it to me.She said it's for prenatal bonding.I love it. We took a tour of the house.We took a look at all my shoes.Come on, Jay. Say something to the baby.Darlene's an idiot.Oh, yeah, beautiful.Your first words to our baby--"Darlene is an idiot."This is stupid. The baby's only 2 inches away.He doesn't need speakers blasting at him.Like in restaurants nowadayswhere you can't even hear yourself think.Ah, you're gonna do whatever you want. Why do I bother? Get used to that. Sometimes you just gotta let him go. Then he eats some sherbet and falls asleep.Okay, I'll chalk the field with this bad boy.And while you're doing that, I will get the bases.We make such a good team.Why does your friend have a chalker?Oh, he used it to propose to a skywriter.Oh, ma'am? Ma'am, do you need help with that?Oh, ma'am? Ma'am, do you need help with that?Oh, yes. Please.Is this your house?I'm moving in with my son.He's rich.Phone by the toilet rich.All right, so have you lived here a long time?I moved here in '62 to be an actress.I had one line in a "Rockford files.""He went out the back.,"Who went out the back?That was you.Well, you're all set here.You're not interested in the place, are you?- Oh, no, thank you. - Yes--yes, we are.Yes. Yes, we are.- Come on. - Okay.You gotta keep your eyes open.It's not natural when a ball is hurtling at your face.Will you choke up a little?Probably when they play the national anthem.No, move your hands up the bat."When they play the national anthem."I had a perfect record--22 games, and I hadn't played a single inning.Then the Mccoy twins' grandma dies,and suddenly I'm starting at right field.What does that even mean? Is it the same as stage right? All right, ready? Nice and easy.I haven't even thrown it yet.Then it's your fault. I'm doing my part.Forget it. We need to do something different.Let's change your stance.Try leaning in.Further.Now close your eyes.Ah! Perfect! You think you can do that every time? What, get hit on purpose?If you wanna get on base and be a hero.Some men are born into greatness.Others have it chucked at their face.Yes!Okay, Mrs. Brooks, thank you very much.We'll be in touch very soon.Say it one more time.He went out the back.- Oh, love it! Love it! - Brava! Brava!Bye-bye!What do you think, Phil?Well, I have to admit, it's a steal.Yes! Yes! I told you!And you said Gil Thorpe makes a killing flipping houses. Yeah, he brags about it all the time.Every time he makes a sale,he calls himself "Flipper"he calls himself "Flipper"And walks around making this dolphin sound. Like...How does he do it? I hate him so much.Okay, look, if the four of us go in on this together,We can minimize the risk.Or if none of us do it,we can eliminate the risk altogetherbecause none of you know anything about flipping houses. Okay, well, we already have it figured out.I'm gonna be the designer...Because I know about colors and shapes.Yeah, so does Lily.I'm gonna be the contractor.And I'm gonna be the astronaut. Oh, this is fun. Phil, you go.Mitchell, I am serious.I have overseen lots of projects in our home.I oversaw the remodel of our bathroom.Under budget. Right, Phil?Yeah. I was a little disappointed we didn't go forthe butt-washing toilet, but otherwise...You can wash your own butt for free.Well, that's not the same, is it?This is all fun to talk about.It is, but I don't think that you understandwhat--what this could really entail. And--Okay, there it is. Mitchell just said "No," So we're done. Surprise, surprise.Listen, we'll talk about this at home, okay?Don't give up.Phil, you think it's a good idea, right?Totally.Yes. And you know we can handle it, right?I think you guys can handle anything.And you go talk to him. You're a professional.He respects you.Okay. Give us some space. I'll go talk him into it.- All right. - All right?- Okay. - Okay.Listen...there's no way we're letting them do this.I know, right?They are not equipped to take this on.We might as well flush all our savingsdown my boring old toilet.Oh, you are really bitter about that.It's the one thing I asked for. Don't sit on your sunglasses. Sorry, guys.Whoops. Just to be clear, though.Under no circumstances are we letting them do this?I am totally with you.Okay, you stay here. I'll go break the bad news.Sorry, guys. Not gonna happen.- Yeah, well, maybe if-- - I would drop it.It's not worth the fight. Come on, Claire.The faster we leave, the less it's gonna hurt.Hop in. Yep.Why does it have to be like this?I don't know. He's your brother. Buckled up? Good.No! No! No, no, I see what you're doing!He doesn't want this either!- Little radio? - Sure.Phil! Claire!Come on!It's such a shamebecause I know we would do a great job on that house. - Totally. - If Gil Thorpe can do it, I can do it, right?Please. Gil Thorpe has decades of experienceand infallible instincts.As much as we'd all like to believe otherwise,I did not marry Gil Thorpe.Can you imagine that?God, we'd sell a lot of houses.Oh! Great.- Mitchell. - Oh, you know what, Claire?You gotta cool down or you're just gonna make this worse. Why don't you go get the coffees?And I'll deal with him.Well, okay, what are you gonna say to him?I'm just gonna talk to him man-to-man.Right.Okay.Hello?Claire, Phil doesn't want the house either, all right?He's letting me take the fall. He's a liar.And a clever one.Ugh! How long do you think you can keep this from her? All right? I'm gonna talk to her eventually.Well, as long as we're swapping stories,Maybe I'll tell CamWhat happened to the sweater he knit for you.What happened to the sweater he knit for you.I can't! I can't!I can't do it! I can't take this stupid thing anymore!It was stolen out of the car. Do you understand me? Got it.That is low.I know. Don't be mad at me.That said, I suggest you lose this number.I'm not proud of what I did,but I'm not comfortable squashing people's dreams.I am a cheerleader.I'm the guy on top of the pyramid shouting,"Go, dreams, go!"You know what's not a cheer?"Two, four, six, eight,you are going to fail at thisand lose everything we've worked for, Claire!*Hush, little baby,*don't say a word.*Papa's going to buy you a mockingbird.*And if that mockingbird won't sing,*papa's gonna buy you a diamond ring.Papa'd buy ten diamond ringsto get that mockingbird to shut the hell up.But I wasn't gonna tell Gloria she was a terrible singer. That's just taking a bath with a toaster.Still, the thought ofthat poor little thing stuck in there like a hostage, listening to that racket days on end...I just couldn't take it.*And if that billy goat won't push,*papa's gonna get every le--I'll tell you what papa's gonna do.He's gonna take a turn on that mic.- Oh! Really? - Yeah, I've been thinking,if it's a chance to bond, I should take it.Ay, Jay, that's great.I think that the sound of my voiceshouldn't be the only thing that the baby should hear. Same page.Breaker, breaker, big Jay.Baby, what's your 20? Over.Ay, that's so cute.You sound like Smokey and the Bandito.Go on. Go on.Hi, kid. This is your dad Jay Pritchett.Uh, we're all pretty excited to meet you.Just a heads-up--I might be a few years older than you're expecting. But on the plus side, we're very comfortable.What's that? Nothin'?Tough womb.What are you doing in there? You sleepin'?*Are you sleeping?- Ah! Ah! Ah! - *Are you--Ah! Still daddy's turn.Dumb--dumb rock!- Are you cryin'? - No.No. I just can't get this rock to budge.No. I just can't get this rock to budge.Okay, what did we learn from "A League of Their Own"?No crying in baseball.No. That Madonna's a lousy actress,and so are you.What's really going on?Okay.You know, over the last couple of months,I've applied for, like, five different jobs.- I didn't know that. - No. I didn't tell anyone,Because I didn't get them, Cam.I went to college, you know?And... I just wanna be able to contribute to my kids' education. And I wanna be able to buy my husband a present...with my own money.with my own money.Hey, you're preaching to the choir director.It's actually why I became a choir director.You became a part-time teacher in a public school for money?I make more than you do.I mean, before parking. But...Look, I'm sorry Mitchell killed our house dream.You know, now especially that I know you wanted to use the money for such noble reasons.Yeah.And also...there was this pair of boots.There's always a pair of boots.Mitchell, do you know what I've realized?That some thoughts are better left unexpressed?No. That in this relationship,I'm the gas pedal, and you're the brakes.Okay, wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.Last week, you said thatyou were the painting and I was the frame.That's if we were artwork.This is if we were a car.I know what part you'd be if we were a horse.- Excuse me? - Hmm?Claire and I bring you this great opportunity,And you stop it cold.I guess that's what brakes do.You know what brakes also do?They keep you from driving off cliffs.Maybe they're not cliffs. Maybe they're ramps,ready to launch us into new, exciting vistas.I am not the only one against this whole house thing. Phil doesn't want it either.You keep saying that,but I find that very, very hard to believe.Phil supports Claire.Phil is a cheerleader.Why can't you be more like phil?And then it hit me.I could be exactly like Phil.I could pretend to be on board,forcing the cheerleader to be the bad guy.I know it's underhanded,but that's the way I throw.- Mitchell? - You--you know what?You've convinced me.If--if you and Claire and especially Philare into this, then I'm on board.- What? Seriously?! - Yes! 100%.In fact, why don't you call Claire and Philright now and tell them?Okay. It was the ramp thing, wasn't it?You know, I felt really good about it.What?Are you serious? That's fantastic!Oh! I gotta tell Phil. I'll call you right back.What's--what's up?Mitchell changed his mind.He's all for it. We're flipping a house!- Yeah. - Yeah!Well, hello, Phil.To what do I owe this pleasure?Cut the crap.Cut the crap.You wanna play chicken? Chicken's my middle name.I don't know what you're talking about.I'm just being supportive of my partner and my sister, both of whom I love very much.How do you sleep at night?Soundly, knowing you'll do the right thing.So how about it, Phil?You gonna stop this train? 'cause these brakes are out. Oh. And I suggest you lose this number.Mitchell?Mitchell?!Yeah, I was pretty ticked offthat Mitchell double-crossed my double-cross.And then he stopped taking my calls,And so I sent him the following carefully worded text... "U suck."I could tell Phil felt pretty hurtand betrayed, so I responded."How r u gonna cheerlead your way out of this one, buffy?" "We both know this house thing is a disaster.""Then say something, or I will.I don't care if you tell Cam...""I threw out that hideous sweater?!"I spent months knitting that hideous sweater.- Yeah. - W--how are we seeing this?They're using the group text from yesterday.They have no idea these are even coming to me.Okay.Oh. Here's another one."We need to shut this house thing downWithout them knowing it's us"?!Oh! Well..."2 late."No, that--that's bad.Claire, I am so sorry.I know I should've been more honest with you, but I-- No, Phil.You know what really kills me?Is you didn't believe in me, and you believe in everything! You know, I knew that sweater wasn't stolen.And here I pick blue yarn to match your eyes,but I should've picked black to match your heart. Although you look amazing in black. Damn you.Come on."...Leaving 17 dead and thousands without power." Ay, Jay, please!It's bad that the baby listens to such terrible things.He's heard worse.Jay, do you know a good 1-hour dry cleaner?And I don't mean the "Must be in by 10:00,only on weekdays, you need a coupon" Kind.I mean a hard 1-hour.This conversation feels like a hard one hour.And what do you need it cleaned for? It's spotless. There's mustard here from Reuben's reuben.There's mustard here from Reuben's reuben.That's what happens whenyou put a narcissist in charge of snack day.Okay, it's my turn again.Baby, it's your mother again.- I'm-- - Gloria?Why don't we give him a break?He probably needs a minutebecause he just learned about a deadly tornado. Okay, stop calling him a he.What if he's a she, and you're making her upset?I told you. That's just the shorthand I'm using.- Don't jump down my throat every time I'm - Ay, yes, - because you always - What are you doing?Do you really want your unborn babyto hear you fighting like this?Studies show it's unhealthyFor a fetus to be exposed to a stressful environment. Studies? You're 13. Read a comic book.What time does your game start?I have to be there at 3:00 for hitting practice.Batting practice.Not for me.Jay, I don't want our baby to thinkthat it's coming into an unhappy home.Let's promise that we're never ever going to fight in front of him. No fighting in front of the baby.Okay, good.*Twinkle, twinkle*Little lambGloria, stop it! Stop it. No more singing.Why?Because you stink.You're a terrible singer.Come on. Let's get some lunch.How dare do you say that I am...I know! Ay, no, no, no.No fighting in front of the baby. We just made a deal.Yeah, but that's not fairbecause I am always in front of the baby!Gloria, you're as close to perfect as woman gets.Nothing wrong with one tiny, little flaw.Yours is when you start to sing,is sounds like something got stuck in the vacuum cleaner. That's--you're just--No, no, no.That is just your stupid, stupid opinion, Jay.But I am very angry at you,and I am gonna make a listof all the things that I am going to scream at youas soon as this baby's out of me.I didn't think it all the way through.Oh, hello, Mitch.Uh, you got Claire flowers?Yes. I had a little bit of a rough night.Yeah, you and me both.Daddy slept in my room last night.- Here, give me some of those. - What? No.- You got me into this. - Hey, stop! You're breaking them!I need--I'm not going to Cam empty-handed!Phil, let go of the...Hold still!Claire and Cam did all this?A week ago, that was all junk.It's amazing.I mean, there's that little bump in the middle.But other than that...Even if one of those boys had hit five home runs,the biggest star on that field was Claire.That's the funny thing about marriage.You fall in love with this...extraordinary person,And over time, they begin to seem ordinary.I think it's all the nagging.Wow. This...This is incredible.You literally saw a diamond in the rough.Yeah, but I take on a lot of projects no one else is willing to.I deserve that.I was an idiot for doubting you.Please, honey, forgive me.How could I not,when you give me this bouquet of crumpled flowers?- Mitchell did that! - Mitchell again?Ask Lily!- Hey, Cam. - Hey.Here you--Okay. Well...Oh, wow. Broken and mangled...Just like my heart.Cam, I'm sorry for not supporting you.- What about the sweater? - That's unforgivable.I mean, you put all that time and work into it,and I just toss it out the car window.Tossed it out the car window?!I'm forgetting how much you knew.You know what, guys? Honestly, I...I think we should do it. I think we should go for the house. - Really? - Okay, but careful, honey.Don't say something if you don't mean it.No, I do mean it. I think you two will do a fantastic job. You know, I do, too. I'm on board.On board for what?Oh, well, the four of us, uh, might go in on a house. Claire and I fix it up and flip it.That's the worst idea I ever heard.You guys know nothing about construction.You'll make all sorts of mistakes,you'll turn on each other, you'll stop talking,and suddenly I'm doing two dinners a week instead of one because you can't be in the same room.Family and business doesn't mix.Ah, you're gonna do whatever you want. Why do I bother? Is he right?Y-you know dad. I mean, he's a pessimist.I want us to get that house.I do. But I don't want us to fight.We're not gonna fight.Of course not.Probably.I don't know. Will we?Maybe we just take a beat and think about it.Yeah. I-I guess that couldn't hurt.Yeah.You guys mean the world to us.I don't want to jeopardize that over a house.- We feel the same way. - I know.- I just wanna say I know we'd do a good job, though. - Hello? - And I feel so-- - It's Mrs. Brooks, the lady with the house. Actually, it's good that you called.What?What happened?Gil Thorpe just made her an offer.- We did it! - We bought a house.It's gonna be... great!What could go wrong? Nothing.Sometimes I don't understand people.They do crazy things for the dumbest reasons.I'm going to march out there and swing as hard as I can.And if every sports movie is correct,I'm going to smack that ball,and everyone will chant my name as I round the bases.By the way,it is always counterclockwise, or do I get to choose?I don't think it's gonna matter.They convince themselves it'll all work out...Please rise for the national anthem.I'm gonna show you who can sing.Gloria.Oh, this is gonna be rough.Despite all the evidence to the contrary.Oh say can you see?By the dawn's early light?Which I guess isn't so bad.And the rocket's red glare!All I'm saying is,I hope to god you don't have your mother's singing voice. But, man, I hope you get her self-confidence.Try to get some sleep.I'll talk to you in the morning.2 outs, bottom of the sixth. Tied at 4.This is it, folks.The whole game comes down to this.Manny Delgado 0 for 3 on the day.Gloria, your thoughts?I think he's going to hit the home run.Please, god, give me one.Manny, stand up straight!But bend your knees.Widen your stance!Would you please let me just--Take your base!- You did it! You got it, Manny! - I did it?No, no, no, no! Not that way! Go this way!Oh, why do I bother? He's gonna do what he wants. Manny! Manny! Manny!。

This week, the world lost a great man,and I lost a mentor.For nearly 60 years, professor Ringmaster Al Uziellihelped young hopefuls like me find their clown persona. "Professor ringmaster"?It's a very prestigious title at clown college.One step below Piemaster General.Where's Lewis?Who knows?Okay, guys, it's just us.Lift on three.Hey, how come you guys haven't accepted my friend requests?I didn't know you were on facebook.Yeah. You said it was only for teenagersand people looking to have affairs.Well, I figured if you can't fight it...not the having the affair. That's still bad.No. Not that, but there's nothing wrong with catching upwith a few old friends, right?Or doing a little social networking with by B.F.F.S?Social networking or social not-working?Oh! You know what we gotta do?We gotta get a picture of us all together on a boat.I think that's a thing now.So what do you say? Accept my friend thingy.Sorry, mom, I-I didn't get a friend thingy from you.Yeah, you know, they have a lot of blocks on thereto protect kids from weirdos.Mm. Okay. Good, good. I'll send it again.- Great. - Please do.Please don't.We got her request the first time, but ignored it.I can't have her on there snooping aroundseeing what I'm doing at parties.Or posting pictures of us on family vacationswearing old, dorky clothes.What? What's wrong with this?Dad, check it out. I made one giant Oreo.Luke, what are you doing?You gotta eat it like it's an ear of corn.Genius.- Wow. New suit? - New everything.Kids, gather 'round. It's time for a life lesson.Aren't we already gathered?Let me tell you something.Hard work, determination, and perseverance always win out.I am living proof that nice guys can finish first.Today I have a chance to get the biggest listing of my career. Oh, I have never seen this man so focused.I'm like a boxer before the big fight.That's why I didn't have sex with Claire last night.Sorry, honey.Mm. It's--it's okay.But as soon as I get this listing--ding!Let's just stop. Stop.I see you.What? I'm scratching.Hey, mom?Is it okay if I have a friend come over tomorrow?Who? Reuben? Or the nervous one that gets the nosebleed? It's Griffin Cooper.Griffin cooper?Griffin Cooper is, by far,the coolest kid in Manny's grade.He's a terrific athlete, he's confident.Manny's a great kid, sure, but he's not exactly cool.He can't even open a door cool.Salutations, Wyatt. I'm so glad you're joining mefor an afternoon of mirth.Ah, good evening, Reuben-san.May I ask you to remove your shoes?Tonight, we are going Japanese.Ah! Hebalaboo ridabeley lai mubay rumboo.I invented a new language this morning.When did you guys become buddies?Was it a football game in the yard?- You made a great catch? - No, that didn't happen.- You made a great catch? - No, that didn't happen.But the librarian told me one day I'll be a great catch.I'm really not getting that relationship.Why can't you just be happy that Manny's making new friends? No. 'cause it doesn't add up.Cool kids like Griffin Cooper--They don't hang out with kids like Manny.Manny's very cool.Maybe those kids are finally catching up to him.Wait a minute. I get it.Couple of days last week,I took Manny to school on my motorcycle.Griffin must think I'm pretty boss.Yes, Jay. It's all because of you.Kids are looking for role models.Why do you think Fonzie was so popular?Why do you think Fonzie was so popular?He told people that they were rich,but really took their money with his scheme?No, that's a...Yes.Those people were victims of a Fonzie scheme.It's showtime.Hey, Dunphy.You gettin' ready for your one-woman show?Mitzi.Mitzi Roth-- a notorious poacherin the world of high-end residential real estate.We call her the "Nightmare on Elm Street,"We call her the "Nightmare on Elm Street,"Because she sold a lot of houses on Elm Street.What are you doing here, Mitzi?I have an appointment. This is my listing.Oh, I didn't think that was dotted line yet, jazz hands.No worries. I may have an interested buyer.I'll bring him to you.Really?Okay, but could you come back later?I really need to have them to myself right now.Oh, yeah, okay. I completely understand.- Okay, thanks. - You're welcome.Wait. What?What are you doing?Watch this.- Hello? - Oh, it's Mitzi Roth.- And Phil Dunphy. - I may have a prospective buyerfor your beautiful house.- I was wondering if maybe I could come in... - Hey, Stan! Hey, Patti! and just have a look for a little while.- We've got a lot to talk about. - Come on in.Hey, guys. Yeah.I'm wondering if maybe we shouldn't be alone for this.I'm in.Go back to condos, Dunphy.Oh, my god! This place is absolutely gorgeous. Stunning. Stunning.- You are in such good hands with Phil. - Hey.How are you guys?I mean, fingers crossed, though.You know, so many new companies go belly-up.- Terrible. - Well, good to-- good to see you, Mitzi.- Guys, how are you? - Oh, no. No, no, it's fine.It's fine. Come and take a look.Oh, thank you.- Thank you. - Mitzi, please!Mitzi, please! Please!- What are you doing? - Oh, my god! He shoved me! - What?! - He shoved me!- For god sakes! Phil! - Oh, my god!I thought you had your anger problem under control!I don't have an anger...I don't--anger problem.I don't have an anger problem.Whoa. Hey. It's over? What the hell?You're an hour late.Huh. Good to see you, too, chuckleberry.Look at that. Your oversized pants are starting to fit. Hello, Lewis.Hello, Fizbo.For several years,I was one half of the renowned clown duoFizbo & Lewis.We were huge.In children's parties.Anyway, I disbanded the group shortly after I met Mitchell. It's hard to have a relationship and a clown career.That's the reason there are so many single clowns.Just one of the reasons.Anyway, um, Lewis hasn't spoken to me since.He's still bitter, and I don't blame him.It's kind of like I broke up the Beatles.Of children's parties.What do you say we hit a bar?Tip a few back to Al, huh?I heard you were in jail.Yeah? I heard you're still doing that lame giant scissors bit, You blue-haired hack.Who's in?- I'll go. - I'll go.Just give me a minute. I gotta redo my lips.All right. Cerveza.What about you, Fizzy?You gonna come or you gonna break up this party, too? Hey, shotgun, bitches!I should, you know, probably go.- You know, for--for Al. - Oh, yeah, no, of course. But, hey, listen, don't let him get to you, all right? No. It's fine. It's all seltzer under the bridge.Just one drink, and then I'll be home.Okay. Just drive me home first?No, you, uh, you--you take the car.I, uh, I'll go with the guys.In that tiny car? How are you all possibly gonna... Forget I asked!It's 5:00 in the morning.Daddy's juggling!Lily, honey, what are you doing up?Are you just getting home?Yeah, things got a little out of hand.Somebody had a flower that squirted tequila. What do you mean "Somebody"? I want full credit. What up, red?Really?Teach me to juggle!It's very simple.The key is tobe aware of where everything is at all times.And don't forget the importance of balance! Oh! Okay. Okay. Come on.I think I cracked my eggs.We're out of eggs?Are you yolking?And I haven't eaten in five days!Five days! Are you cereal?Lily, don't ever do that.Okay. You two are deliberately not confirming me. Everybody else has accepted my facebook requests-- Your father, uncle mitchell...Adele.That's right. Adele has agreed to be my friend,And my own daughters haven't.Yeah, you may just be a fan of Adele, and--What is so private that I can't possibly see it? Nothing.Nothing. You just don't want to be my friend. Great. I can see my next status update--"My daughters are monsters."You're not gonna believe this.Mitzi got the listing.Oh, no, honey. That's awful.She cheated, she lied, and she won.Kids, gather 'round.Again, we are gathered.You wanna get ahead? Don't play by the rules. Turns out nice guys finish lastIn this cold, dog-eat-dog world.It's not fair. Why don't you play dirty, too?You could take her down.Honey, 'cause your dad is a better man than that.He has values and morals and--You. Keep talking.Well, just off the top of my head,You could take my spy pen and record her admitting what she did. And then you could play it for those peopleSo they realize what a jerk she is.Your dad is never gonna- do that-- - you're a regular chatterbox today!Get me that pen!- I got it! - Remember, pal, keep it simple.Hey, manny.Griffin--legendary creature of greek mythologyWith the head of a lion and wings of an eagle.What'd you say, Jay?Never mind.Jay pritchett. Nice to meet you.Nice to meet you, too.You know, I, I saw a little of that basketball game of yours last week. You were lightin' it up.Thanks.I was lighting it up, too, Jay.Who's hot? We're hot!Mustangs are hot!Hola, Griffin. How are you?13.I'm fine.So what do you boys have planned for today? Well, it's kind of a surprise for Griffin,But let's just say it involves decoupage.- Oh, jeez. - Come on. Let's go.Good-bye.Oh, no.- What? - You were right.This boy is not here to see manny.I told you. You see the way he looks at me?No, Fonzie, the way he looks at me.He couldn't talk. He kept staring.He was just like my teachers back in school. Gloria, you're very pretty.But the kid idolizes me.Really?Griffin! Manny!Do you want to go with Jay to ride his motorcycle, Or you want to go with me to the supermarket And buy a couple of onions?Motorcycle rides!Onions sound good.Guess he has a thing for you, too.Hey! We're back!Hey, I-I just finished cleaning the kitchen,So if anyone has to do a spit take,Please do it over the sink.We felt really bad about that, so we got you a present.What--what's the deal with this?I open it up and snakes fly out, or a fire?No, we just know that you like to read.Yeah. So open it.Aah! Got him!No. No. That's exactly what I expected.'member, when I told you?Okay. Look, it's almost go time,So we should have a shot and go white up.I'm sor--excuse me. "White up"?Oh, yeah. Lewis got a call to do a birthday party this afternoon, So we're gonna put the old act back together.Yeah, Fizbo & Lewis, together again.And they said it would never happen.Said. Hoped.Could I talk to you for a second?Uh-oh. Trouble in queer-a-dise.Okay, look, gonna go out to the car for smokes.Please tell me "Smokes" is not another clown,'cause I don't think I could handle another one of him.Oh, Lewis is not that bad.Well, what do you see in that guy, cam?I don't know. Maybe the fact thathe doesn't roll his eyes every time I talk about the art of clowning... Like that.He may have had his faultsbut we were great together.We had an unspoken language.We finished each other's balloon animals.But you would never know,Because you have never been to one of our performances. Birthday parties.You hate my clown side.No. No. No. I don't hate it.Just admit it. I basically already know you do.Okay. Okay. Cards on the table.- It's not my favorite thing that you-- -Oh, how dare you?I am a clown. It's who I am!If you squeeze me, do I not honk?Eye roll!Oh, like I had a choice!Knock, knock.What are you doing here?Hey, um, I-I brought you some... soup.You know, I thought about it, and maybe I did push you. So... how's the ankle?Oh, come on, Dunphy. You know I flopped.Haven't you ever seen an NBA game?Oh, I'm sorry. In your case, WNBA.So that was all a ruse?The oldest trick in the book.You need to step up your game, son.You know what? I almost feel sorry for you.Come here. Give me a big hug.Oh, yeah. Yeah.No hard feelings, huh?- None at all. - Good.Because I just recorded your entire confession...right here on my...Spy pen?Second-oldest trick in the book.Oh, god. A real man would have just poisoned the soup.Are we... done here?Ah. Thank you.Hey, mom. Guess what?Griffin invited us all over to his housefor a pool party and barbecue tonight.Pool party, huh?Yeah, and he said bring your swimsuits.He was pretty adamant about it.It's 50 degrees outside.Sounds fun.Great. I'll call him.You know, you're basically agreeing to a date with a 13-year-old boy. Jay, we use this go get us tables at restaurants,Why can't we use this to get Manny a friend?Because he's not really getting a friend.Oh, but when you thought thathe was trying to ride your motorcycle, it was okay. Maybe now I don't like what he's trying to ride.Manny likes Griffin.Maybe someday, if they spend enough time together, Griffin will like manny.What? Griffin doesn't like me?No, no, no, papi. He loves you.But you just said someday Griffin will like me.That means he doesn't like me now.You know what, kid?We think that Griffin might be hanging out with you because he's got a little crush on your mother and me.- On you? - Wow. I can't believe it.- Listen, it's fine. You're gonna be fine. Okay? - I'm sorry. Are you kidding? It's fantastic!How is it fantastic?I'm only hanging out with himbecause I have the hots for his sister chloe.You've met Griffin. The kid's a doorknob.So you're just using him?Yeah, and I felt really guilty about it until now.Now it's a win-win.Not for me!Just suck it up, mom.I've done a lot for you over the years.Jay, you, too. This girl could be the one.Then I'm out of your hair forever.Pool party, mom. Dress accordingly.Can you help me reach that box of cereal?Hey. You're Mitzi Roth.I recognize you from your ads.Smokin', right?I'm Luke Dunphy.My dad's phil dunphy.I'm sorry.Why do you hate him so much?It's just business, kid. It's not personal.Well, it's personal to us.I've never seen my dad so worried before.I have this spy pen,and I heard him talking to my mom,and he's scared about paying for my sister's college next year. And I guess he's nervous about some kind of party, Because he said there's a big balloon payment.Because he said there's a big balloon payment.Anyways, he's like the best dad ever,So maybe you could be a little nicer to him.There you are, buddy.Check it out. They're giving away free jelly beans.Hey, Mitzi.Dunphy.You have a very nice kid there.He's mine.Hey, so I was thinking after, uh, little Fizbo,We could do the ladder bit.Ah, crap. I forgot the ladder.You know, I'll remember it next weekend.What's next weekend?We got a town fair in Thousand Oaksand a birthday party in Pasadena.Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I-I can't do that.W-what do you mean?I'm the one with outstanding warrants in Pasadena.We're taking Lily to the aquarium next weekend.You know, Lewis, this was just a onetime thing, right? What happened to "We're putting the act back together"? Well, that was just for today.Oh. Oh, sure.- I'm--I'm sorry if you thought... - No, no, no.I get it.You're a family man now.Let's go out there and make thisthe best show fizbo & Lewis have ever done.You got it, partner.Ladies and germs, boys and girls,say hello to my good friend...little Fizbo!Hello, big people!Hi!Let's get this party started!Wow, all this dancing sure has made me hungry!Wish I had something to eat!Oh, forgot I had that fish over there.Don't know why he's so mad at me!He was fine just a minute ago.Ohh! Okay!Somebody's a little punchy today!Oh. Hey.What's the frying pan doing here?When did we add a frying pan to the act?We don't need-- nope! Don't need the frying pan!Why are you doing that? Stop doing that.Screw you, you traitor.Ow! That hurts!Seriously, stop it!Know what hurts? Abandonment.Listen to 'em laughing. We could have been something. We could have been some-- I can't do this bit by myself! Somebody! Somebody! This isn't pretend!Someone grab an adult, please!Mitzi.Your kid forgot his cereal.There's a surprise in every box.Spoiler alert-- it's diabetes.You drove all the way over here for this?Okay, look, here's the deal.You can have that listing if you want it.- What? - Yeah, the couple are a real pain.I'm too old for that kind of headache.Just keep your mouth shut about it.- Thank you so much. - I just said "Zip it"!- Oh. You did. - Unbelievable.I'm so sorry. But thank you.Bye!Kids, gather 'round!We are right here!Let me tell you something-- people are fundamentally good. The key is, you find that goodness deep within 'em.Twist it,and turn it to your advantage.Hello.And... there she is.What are you gonna hit?College, balloon payment, greatest dad ever.Nice. Do you want me to squirt some tears in your eyes? Dad, please.I was fake crying before I could walk.How do you think I got out of eating all those salads? Can you help me reach that box of cereal?Oh, hey. You're Mitzi Roth, right?I recognize you from your ads.Smokin', huh?I can't believe you got that listing back!- Sweetheart! - Honey!- Honey? - Mm-hmm?Ding?You sure you wanna ding a chatterbox? Honey...Buddy, quick--What's the trick to those fake tears?The three stooges are all dead.Yeah, that's good.Well, it looks like somebody likes Coldplay.Mm. Right. You saw.Did you see the pictures I posted from thanksgiving? Totes adorbs.I'm going to kill myself.You gotta check out my wall. Right there. "Spring break, 1990, New Orleans."Is that you?What?Some guy from your college tagged you in a picture. What is "Tagging"? What is "Tagging"?Why are drinking out of a funnel? Why there's a hand...Ok, untag it.Untag it.Girls, I'm serious, untag it.Turn down the wall.。

How you doing? 你好啊Phil Dunphy. 我是菲尔·邓菲What do I have to do to get you to ask 我要如何才能让你张口问说"What do I have to do to get you into this car today?" "我要如何才能让你看上这辆车" Well, why don't we start it with a test drive? 要不我们先来个试驾你看怎么样I'll get the keys. 我去拿钥匙Sounds good. 听起来不错Right where I want him. 正合我意啊Come here. Come look at this. 快过来瞅瞅这个This thing warns you 一旦你偏离了行车道if you deviate from your lane. 这玩意儿就会提醒你In my car, that's my wife. 我车就不用有我老婆在就行"Andre, if you try to kill me, "安德烈你要是开车不管我死活I swear I will kill you!" 我就替天行道先收了你"Well, I guess this is what I'll be driving 我想接下来的39个月陪伴我的for the next 39 months. 就会是这辆车了This is my D.N.A. talking, 休怪我观察力太明锐But you do not seem sufficiently excited 这可是一辆全新的凯迪拉克啊about the prospect of driving a new Cadillac. 也瞅着能开上也没见你有多兴奋啊No, it's great. I've just leased the same thing forever. 没我兴奋得很只是比较念旧而已Part of me wants to shake things up. 但内心深处其实想弄点刺激的I don't know. 我也说不清Get something like... 比如换一个...Like that. 那样的Colonel Klink, that is nice. 克里克上校风范赞啊We took Lily on her first train ride. 我们第一次带着莉莉坐城铁Just a quick trip to chinatown. 去唐人街的短途路程I was worried she would think 原本还担心她会误以为We were taking her back to Vietnam, 我们要把她送回越南But she seemed okay. 不过她表现还好Yeah, yeah. 可不是嘛Possibly because she was an infant when she left vietnam.可能因为她离开越南时还只是个婴儿吧Also, Vietnam is not China. 其次越南和中国是两码事Well, I had a lollipop with me just in case. 不过我带上根棒棒糖以防万一I love that we're doing this. 我真开心我们能这么做It's important for her to explore the city she lives in. 慢慢涉足她生活的城市对她很重要So much diversity. 真是鱼龙混杂啊Keep your wallet in your front pocket. 快把钱包放你前面的口袋里My shoe's untied. 我的鞋带散了Oh, sweetie, it is. Here, have a seat. 小乖乖是哦来先坐下Right here. There you go. Hey, hold bunny. 就这里好样的小兔兔拿好- No! No, no, no, no, no, no! - Bunny! -不不不不 -小兔兔How did you miss that, Mitchell? 你怎么就没接住呢米奇尔Mr. Conductor! I-I... 列车长我...What? 那什么I was purell-ing! 我在给手消毒呢And it's me! Why would you toss it? 我不就这样嘛你干嘛突然扔过来Because my hands were full? 我手忙不过来了这理由充分吗I want bunny! 还我小兔兔I know. W--okay, I have an idea. 知道好的我有个主意Let's catch the next train and ride it till it catches up. 我们赶下一班城铁然后去追前面那班They don't catch up. That's called a collision. 城铁是追不上的追上了那叫相撞Okay, well, do you have a better idea? 那行你说你想一个更好的办法呢- You're the one that lost it. - No, you tossed it. -就是你弄丢的 -不是你扔丢的He who tossed it lost it. 扔的人才是弄丢的人Don't try to clever your way out of this. 别为了推卸责任跟我耍嘴皮子Daddy lost bunny. 爸爸弄丢了兔兔She means you. 她说的是你Oh, I wanted a car like this since I was a kid. 自打小时候我就梦想着能有这么一辆车Me, too. 我也是I used to imagine the wind blowing through my perm, 我曾想象着那风掠过我的发梢blasting some hall & oates, 再配上霍尔与奥兹的歌maybe horsing around with my mr. Microphone... 和我的麦克疯先生一起逍遥自在Yeah, we wouldn't have been friends back then. 得了那会儿咱俩还没那么熟You should buy it. 心动不如行动啊No, it's not practical. 不这太不切实际了Practical? You never see a person on their deathbed 实际你见过人临死之前躺床上saying, "I wish I'd have been more practical." 说 "我要是在活得在实际点就好了"I see a lot of people on their deathbed, Phil. 临死之人的肺腑之言我见得多了菲尔A lot. 多了去了I thought you operated on knees and elbows. 你不就是给膝盖胳膊肘什么的动动手术嘛Phil, this is a nice car. 菲尔这车真的不错And it's half the price of a new car. 价格也只有新车的一半而已If you don't buy it, I will. 你要是不买我就上了What would Claire say? 克莱尔知道可怎么办You know what? Maybe we should find you 那好吧我们去找那种特殊构造的车Something with a little more lumbar support. 那种可以让你挺直腰杆的车Yeah. You know, with you not having a spine and all. 知道吗你要是自己连个主心骨都没有- I have a spine. - Do you have a spine? -我有主心骨 -你确定你有主心骨吗- I have a spine. - So wanna take it for a spin? -我有主心骨 -要去兜风测测性能吗You know what? I'd rather take her for a spin. 这样吧我更想测测她的"性能"Let's get her top down 赶紧把她放平整利索了and see what she can do. 看看她"性能"如何I'm--no, I meant the convertible. 我... 我说的是那敞篷车Well, I just talked to the concierge, 我刚跟那大堂经理聊了下and room service will save me a bread pudding. 客房服务能帮我留一块面包布丁Load off my mind. 那我总算放心了You mock me, but "Travel and leisure" 尽管嘲笑我不过《旅游与休闲》杂志Says it's not to be missed. 可说了那是不能错过的美食This weekend, we're going up to pebble beach. 这周末我们一家要去卵石滩[加州] I'm gonna meet a bunch of guys 去会一会那群高中I played high school football with. 一起打橄榄球的老朋友们Man, those were the good old days. 天啊那段岁月可真是难忘Yeah, unless you were a woman, 是啊你要是女人或者black, hispanic, or gay. 黑人西裔同性恋那日子就糟糕了True, but if you were a straight white guy 没错不过你要是一个白种的直男who played football, 还打橄榄球you really couldn't have a bad day. 原来生活可以更美的Gloria? 歌洛莉亚Which watch should I pack? 我该戴哪块表This one's showier. This one's more expensive. 这快霸气外漏这款价值连城Why do you care so much about a watch? 就一块表而已你干吗这么在乎How do I say this without sounding like an ass? 我要怎么跟你说才不会显得太臭屁呢I'm kind of a legend to these guys. 那帮人可当我是个传奇人物Not like that. 这么说不行Who's your daddy? 快看谁最屌Whoa! Whose car is this? 哇哦这车是谁的啊- Mine! - I talked him into it. -我的 -我说服他买的Seriously? Mom's gonna let you have this? 真的吗买这车老妈没意见吗Luke, luke, luke... 卢克卢克卢克...Where is she? 你妈人呢Dad, I don't like this. 老爸这车我很不喜欢Why not? 为什么My friend molly's dad bought a sports car, 我朋友茉莉她爸就买了辆跑车and now he lives in a studio apartment 现在他住在一个单间公寓里and dates a girl who works at Forever 21, 跟一个在"永驻21岁"上班的姑娘约会and dates a girl who works at Forever 21, Forever 21:美国服装品牌which she won't be for two years. 这姑娘可两年后才到21岁Hear that? 听到没Honey, I'm not leaving your mom. 宝贝们我不会抛下你们母亲的Might not be your call. 或许还真由不得你Oh, my god, it's so pretty! 我的天啊这车太炫了I love it! And I love you, 我爱死它了也爱死你了and I promise I'll take super good care of it! 我答应你一定格外小心地驾驶它Can I tell her? 能让我来说吗Please. I ask for so little. 求你了我要求的事并不多Alex, be nice to your sister. 艾丽克斯姐妹俩要和睦It's dad's car, not yours. 这是老爸的车不是你的What? But you're too old for this! 说什么老土的你和这新潮的车不搭啊It's just like last year 就跟去年一个样when you wouldn't take off those skinny jeans. 你死也不愿意脱下那些紧身牛仔裤Wouldn't or couldn't? 不愿脱还是没法脱Hey. I looked hot. 我穿的可劲爆呢And you look hot in this car. 你配上这车也一样劲爆Let me tell you something about your dad. 让我来告诉你们一些你们老爸的事儿Your dad is a man who knows what he wants, 你们的爸爸是个目标明确的人and he gets it. 而且说到做到At least that's what I heard. You know, I was there 反正我是这么听说的你们懂的more as a friend and an observer than anything. 当局者迷旁观者清嘛- Andre. - Hey, Claire. -安德烈 -你好克莱尔Honey. Is this the new car? 亲爱的这是你买的新车吗I know it looks impractical, 我知道看起来不实用but Andre's seen a lot of people die. 不过安德烈跟我说了好些临死之人的事I'm not upset. 我没有不高兴I'm not upset. It's a beautiful car. 没生气这车挺漂亮Just surprised you didn't get the sedan, that's all. 就是没想到你没买辆大车仅此而已Beautiful. 不错Good seeing, you, Cl-- 见到你很高兴克莱...Mm. It's beautiful. 真的很漂亮What just happened? 刚刚是怎么回事She did not blink once. 她眼都没眨一下Do you wanna come in for a minute? 进去坐一会儿吧No, I gotta... You know, I gotta get to the wife. 不了我得你知道找我老婆去Well, do you... 你要不要- Uh, do you need a ride or anything? - No. No, no, -要不要我送你一程 -不用不用I'm gonna, uh, I'm-a jog. 我打算跑回去- Why--why are you running? - I'm just gonna jog! -你干嘛跑啊 -我跑步回去就行了Lily was up all night because she didn't have bunny, 莉莉没了兔兔一晚上没合眼which means that we were up all night 我们也跟着不能睡because she didn't have bunny. 因为她的兔兔没了God, she must have cried for... 天哪她肯定哭了有How long was it, Cam? 多久来着小卡Cam. Cam. 小卡小卡Oh, sorry. 不好意思Uh, last night was rough because Lily... 昨晚上太混乱了因为莉莉的- Covered it. - didn't have bunny. -说过了 -兔兔不见了Jay, tell me, why are we on the runway? 杰说啊我们到跑道上来干嘛Surprise! We're taking a private plane. 大惊喜我们要乘私人飞机去Wow! I've never been on a private plane! 我还从没坐过私人飞机呢And you never will. 以后也别想坐I am not getting on that little thing! 我不会上那个小玩意儿的What if the rubber band snaps and we fall out of the sky? 要是皮筋断了我们掉下来怎么办It's perfectly safe. It's a legitimate airline! 安全系数很高的人家是正规航线Hey, folks. 你们好Whoa. Nobody said three. 怎么有三个人All right. Before we take off, 好吧起飞前I'm gonna need to get everyone's weight here. 我得登记一下各位的体重- No problem. I'm about 190. - Okay. -没问题我有95公斤 -好的Oh, yeah. In that case, I'm 275. 要问我的话我137公斤Gloria, I would never put you and Manny in danger. 歌洛莉亚我不会让你和曼尼有危险的Now come on! Trust me on this! 走吧相信我这一回Beautiful. 太棒了It's American music the whole way, 这一路都得听美国音乐and I don't wanna hear a word. 谁也别说话- How you doing there, sport? - Great. Yeah. -怎么样了跑车男 -棒极了Awesome. You know what's awesome? 帅呆了你知道帅在哪儿吗Is this car has the engine in the trunk, 这辆车的发动机在后备箱里so that means I get to... 这就意味着我得...Put these signs in the seat, which is cool. 把这些展板放在座位上真酷Very cool. 是相当酷What? 怎么了Oh, nothing. My, uh, client just wants me 没什么客户想让我to pick her up on the way to the open house, 载她一起过去看房which is great. I'll, uh, drop the sign off 没问题我只要把展板拿下来and just swing across town to... 然后穿过镇子Oh. She's bringing her mom and a designer. 她还要带上她妈妈和设计师Well, maybe they'll fit in the trunk. 说不定后备箱坐得下Here it comes! 我就知道你要说What? I was making a joke. 哪里我开玩笑的What's your game, woman? 小女子你耍的什么把戏I have no game. You're an adult. You can make your own choices. 没什么你是成年人能自己做主Since when? 我什么时候有这待遇了Do you wanna borrow the minivan? 你想借用这面包车吗Yes, please. 对求求你了Okay, fine. Then you're gonna have to pick up the kids from school. 行那你去接孩子放学Okay, I can't take it. 好吧我投降If you got something to say, just say it. 你想说什么尽管往我这儿招呼吧I have nothing to say. 我无话可说- That just says it all. - Well...Ok. -不言自明了 -随你怎么想吧All--all right. Thank you, Serena. 行好谢了塞丽娜See you tonight. 晚上见Good news--they rescheduled my massage for the morning. 好消息他们帮我把按摩时间调早上了Bad news--it's a dude. 坏消息是按摩师换成男的了Don't blame me. It's your mom's fault. 别怪我要怪怪你妈Do you know how many people have died in these planes?你知道有多少人因为乘这种飞机丧命了吗Do you know how many people have died in these planes? 三位都是美国著名歌手均因小型飞机失事丧生John Denver, 约翰·丹沃Patsy Cline, 佩茜·克琳Ritchie Valens. 里奇·瓦伦斯I've heard you sing. I think you're safe. 就你那破锣嗓我保你没事All right, look, 行了听着The welcome dinner starts in four hours. 欢迎晚宴四小时后开始It's a 5-hour drive. 我们开到那儿要五个小时No bathroom breaks. 路上没时间上厕所了Yeah, I think you're gonna want to hold on to that cup. 所以我劝你还是少喝点儿Damn it! 糟糕- What was that? - Giant pothole. -怎么回事 -一个大坑The dash is lighting up like a christmas tree. 撞得火花四溅了都Tire's blown! 轮胎破了This never would have happened if we were in the air! 要是在天上就不会有这种事了If this had happened in the air, we wouldn't be in the air. 要是天上发生这种事我们就没活路了We would be in rock 'n' roll heaven! 我们就上天堂唱摇滚了Okay, what do you think? 你觉得怎么样I'm gonna put these in the subway. 我打算把这些贴到地铁里去Okay, it looks like, uh, Lily's missing 这张看起来好像是莉莉丢了and we're offering $25 to get her back. 然后我们悬赏二十五美元把她找回来Oh, don't be ridiculous. No one in their right mind-- 荒唐正常的人怎么会... Okay. That's all I see now. 好吧现在我也这么觉得了- How about this one? - Okay. Um... -这张呢 -我看看"Missing--stuffed bunny. Brown and white fur. 毛绒兔子失踪毛色灰白相间Sympathetic eyes." What are sympathetic eyes? 富有同情心的眼神解释一下这句Not those. 反正不是你那样I just--I don't really love the idea 我只是没法接受of our phone number being up in the subway. 把我们的电话号码贴得地铁里到处都是Okay, let's play a different game. 行那我们换个方式How about I be the problem, and you be the solution? 我来提问你来解决如何I'm sorry. I shouldn't be so critical. 对不起我不应该吹毛求疵的I know you're just trying to--got it! 我知道你不过是想有了Just came up with a better idea. 突然想到一个好主意Took me less than five seconds. 花了我五秒钟不到Okay... 我看看I can't hear you. What? 我听不见什么Window. 窗玻璃摇下来I don't know... 我不会弄Gah! What did I do? 我按了什么Oh. Oh, my. 天哪- Yes. Hi. - Hey, nice car. -你好 -你好车不错Thank you. 谢谢You gonna drive up the coast, or... 你是去海边吗还是Oh, no. I'm gonna do some errands, actually. 不是就是去办点事Yeah, 'cause other people might go and buy a crazy car 有些人可能会去买辆离谱的车with an engine in the-- in the trunk, but not me. 发动机还在后备箱里我可不会No. I'm responsible. Mm-hmm. 不我是个负责任的人We have three kids. You can't pick up three kids in this car. 我们有三个孩子这车怎么坐得下You can't. 根本坐不下You--it... It... 你这个I'll get you... Catch ya. 我会追上你的来了I'm going! 走了Maybe I was a teeny bit mad. 也许我确实有那么一点点搓火So I blew off my errands and headed up the coast. 于是我抛开琐事驶向大海It was my turn to be irresponsible. 是时候让我潇洒走一回了And luckily, I had sunscreen in my purse. 幸好我包包里还有墨镜Well, your strut's shot, 你的车架坏了And we can't get parts for at least a day. 更换的零件要过一天才能到Fantastic. 这下好了I don't suppose 依我看there's any place you can rent cars anywhere around here? 你们这儿也没租车的地方吧Know what, sir? We're not some one-horse town. 先生这小镇没你想象的那么落后Of course you can rent a car. 当然能租到车It just happens to be out for the day. 只是不巧都租完了Unbelievable. 难以置信- We're gonna miss the whole weekend. - I am sorry, Jay. -整个周末都泡汤了 -很抱歉杰I know how much you mean to those guys, 我知道他们把你看得有多重and I know how much they want to see you. 也知道他们有多想见你I'm so sorry. 真是不好意思Uh, excuse me. 容我说一句You are... 你真的是so pretty. 太漂亮了And if you really need to get somewhere, 如果你们真的必须要去哪儿maybe I can help you out. 或许我能帮上忙Ay, yes, please! Thank you! Anything! 好啊拜托了谢谢怎样都行Check it out. Restored it myself. 瞧瞧我私藏的宝贝No. 不行I did not get in the little plane at the little airport! 我才不在这小机场里上这架这个小飞机I'm not gonna get in this... 死也不坐这个...flown by that guy that couldn't fix our car! 开飞机的还是这个连车都修不好的家伙Gloria, it's either this, 歌洛莉亚要么就坐这个or we're in the motel. 要么只好住汽车旅馆了I don't like the sound of that. 现在这情况可不怎么乐观A lot of amenities disappear 旅馆前面一加上汽车二字when an "H" Becomes an "M." 档次立马跟着灰飞烟灭You know, when I met you, 知道吗咱俩刚见面那会儿you were eating cereal out of a bucket. 你还只是个从桶里扒麦片吃的小屁孩儿Hey, Lily, guess what? 嘿莉莉你猜怎么着What? 什么事Uh, we just heard from Bunny. 兔兔给我们传信了This is a terrible idea. 这办法糟透了No, it's fantastic. 不这办法好极了Bunny said he's on an amazing adventure 兔兔说他正在经历一场华丽的冒险having the time of his life, 并且特别享受那种生活And that you should pick one of his best friends 还说你应该选一个他的好朋友to sleep with while he's gone. 在他外出的这段时间陪你入眠Bunny doesn't talk. 兔兔不会说话This is going great. 进行得"真"顺利He does now, because-- 他现在会说了因为because he took talking lessons. 因为他上语文课了So what do you think, huh? 那你想选哪一个呢Turtle or giraffe 小海龟还是长颈鹿or, uh, little reindeer? 还是呃小驯鹿呢Where's bunny now? 兔兔现在在哪儿Uh, St. Louis. 呃在圣路易斯Why? 为什么He's visiting his girlfriend. 他去看他女朋友了He doesn't have a girlfriend. 他没有女朋友He has a boyfriend! 他有个男盆友I want bunny! 还我兔兔Okay. No, no, Lily. 好吧等等莉莉Lily, uh, what about miss, uh, teddy bear? 莉莉要不选泰迪熊吧Huh? No? Uh, Dr. Tiger? No? 不好吗那老虎博士呢也不好吗Mr. Fish? 鱼先生呢I want bunny. I'm going to St. Louis. 我要兔兔我要去圣路易斯Really? You don't know nemo? 不是吧这鱼叫"尼莫"都不知道It's on an endless loop in the den. 屋里可都是循环播放着的I have a job. 我可没那闲工夫And then Bodie kicked it to me, 然后博迪传球给我and I dribbled it past Michael and got it to Tyler... 我带球过了迈克传给了泰勒I was bummed not to be in my new cool car, 开不上崭新的靓车我很不爽so I wasn't joking around with the kids like I usually do. 所以我没有像平时一样跟孩子们嬉闹And I would've scored if that kid didn't trip me. 要不是被那小子绊倒我就射门得分了I can't believe the ref didn't see it. 裁判居然没看到I bet Olivia saw it. 奥利维亚肯定看到了She's always watching you when you play. 你踢球时她总是盯着你Yeah, I know. It's like she's in love with soccer. 是啊我知道看来她很喜欢足球Ugh. Stop texting me! 唉别再给我发短信了What? 怎么了Corey. He is so clingy. 是科里他太黏人了Corey. He is so clingy. 该换男朋友了哦(说的是汉语你信吗)But, you know, there's something about driving your kids around. 但是开车接送孩子还是有好处的You're in the front, they're in the back. 你在前排他们在后排They forget you're there, 他们忘记你在那儿and you learn so much. 于是你知道了许多事儿You're like sigourney weaver in "Gorillas in the mist."感觉我像《雾中猩猩》里的西格妮·韦弗Except gorillas make less noise chewing. 不过猩猩的咀嚼声比较小Once I hit the coast highway, I didn't stop. 一开上沿海公路我就一路狂飙I turned off my cell phone. 关掉了手机I ate fish tacos for lunch. It was insane! 午饭吃了鱼肉卷真是太疯狂了I haven't felt that free in years. 好多年都没这种自由的感觉了All my stress completely disappeared... 压力一下子就不见踪影了And so did my keys. 车钥匙也一并没了I'm sorry, but... These signs are ridiculous. 抱歉但这些标志真是傻到家了Oh, you're right. I should have used helvetica. 你说得对我应该用赫维提卡字体It much better represents the urgency of our situation. 这样也更符合我们目前火烧眉毛的状况No, the lengths that we're going to for a stuffed animal. 不我是说咱费尽心思就为找个娃娃You know, cam, maybe it's time lily learned about loss. 小卡该让莉莉体会什么是"失去"了No, she's 3, and I know. 不她才三岁这事我懂Do you know how many times 你知道吗在农场时I had to say good-bye to a furry friend on the farm? 我不得不无数次和动物朋友们告别And didn't it make you stronger? 不正是它们让你变得更强壮了吗Yeah, because I was a growing boy 没错那时我正在长身体and they were chock-full of protein. 而它们富含了蛋白质高营养But it was still heartbreaking. 但终究这事还是会让我心碎It builds character. 这塑造了人的品质You know, once, when I was a kid, 我小时候有一回my dad left my Luke Skywalker doll on an airplane, 我爸把我的卢克·天行者玩偶遗失在机场- and I was so angry-- - Wait, which--which Luke? -我特别气 -等会儿哪一款卢克Shorty robe or dress blacks? 穿短袍的还是黑衣的- Shorty robe. - Oh, my. -穿短袍的 -天呐And you know what he did to get it back? 你知道他怎么捡回它吗Not a damn thing. Nope. 他什么都没干什么都没He didn't lift one pudgy finger 他连动几个手指头去to make a single phone call, 打个电话的都没有and I got over it. 而我挺过来了Yeah, well, I want you and Lily 是啊我希望你和莉莉to have the same healthy relationship 能有健康的父女关系you and your father have. For sure. 就像你和你爹这样必须的All right, give me these flyers. 好吧把传单给我I'm gonna take everything to this side of the homeless guy. 我把它们发给这些流浪汉Mitchell! 米奇尔Sorry, what are we supposed to say now 我错了我们该怎么称呼他们呢Home-challenged? Or... 无家可归的人还是啥No, look! 不快看Oh, my god! It's bunny! 天呐是兔兔Oh, Lily's gonna be so happy. 莉莉会高兴坏了的Oh, that's so great. Go ahead and get it. 真是太好了快去拿回来- What, me? - Yeah. -啥我去 -对啊Why should I go and get it? 干嘛让我去拿回来Well, I-I'm not gonna do it. 我才不会去呢Why? I spotted it. 为什么是我发现的You're closer. 你离得近It's your journey. Luke skywalker? 这是你的使命想想"卢克·天行者" Pattern-breaking? Your father? Get in there. 想想"超越自我" 想想你爹快去Fine. 好吧Sir--hi, sir. 嗨先生Hello, you--you... 你好你你Hello. 你好Hello. 你好He-hello? Sir... 你好先生- I-I can't... - Oh, for god sakes! -我不能 -我的老天爷啊- Let her hate us. - You turned out great. -她要狠咱就恨吧 -你处理得很得体- I did, didn't I? - You're a big lawyer. -我也这么觉得 -不愧是个大律师This is not the massage I had in mind. 我预想中的按摩可不是这样的All right. 好的Okay. 这样In about an hour, a train goes through town 大约一小时后有辆火车会经过这儿that will get us close to pebble beach. 可以把我们带到卵石滩那儿Now it's not technically a-a passenger train, 严格意义上说这不是一辆客车- so it won't be stopping. - What? -所以不会停站 -什么So we gotta get running real good. 咱们到时候得跑快点No high-heeled shoes. And it wouldn't be wrong 高跟鞋就算了吧还有带上那毛毯if we took that blanket with us, either, huh? 应该也能排上用场了吧So what do you say? Anybody up for a hobo adventure? 你们觉得如何来一场流浪大冒险如何If we're voting, I'm a "No". 真要投票的话我反对Manny, we're gonna be right back. 曼尼我们出去一会儿就回来We're gonna get some ice from the machine in the parking lot.我们去停车场那个机器里弄点冰块回来Classy. 够上档次Jay, this is getting crazy. Is it worth it? 杰这是要闹哪样有意思吗I wanna see the old gang. 我就想会会三五老友而已Do you wanna see them or you want to show off to them? 你是真心想见他们还是单纯想去炫耀The private plane, the fancy watch. 私人飞机啊名贵手表啊You still want to feel 你只是想回味that you're the big kahuna on the campus. 自己在大学里当大佬的滋味吧That's not it. That's not even a thing. 才没有呢我压根没往那方面想You know what? I'm taking Manny home. 我要带曼尼回家了If you want to go in the takka-takka-takka-takka, 如果你执意要去坐...okay, go to pebble beach by yourself. 成你就一个人去吧No, what? That's not the plan. 不要说什么呢计划不是这样的If you wanna go there so bad, 如果你那么想去that's the only way you're gonna get there. 这就是唯一的办法了I'm not trying to get me there. 不是我自己想要去那儿I'm trying to get you there! 我是想带你去那儿- What? - Look... -什么 -听着I may have exaggerated the size... kahuna I was. 关于当大佬的事我有点言过其实I may not... 我可能technically have been a kahuna. 严格意义上来说都没当过大佬I was shy, and I spent most of my time... 我那时很怯懦大多时间我都是on the bench. 坐在学校长椅上But you always made it sound like you-- 可你一直说得好像自己当时很...Oh, I know what I made it sound like. 我知道自己吹成什么样People didn't expect much from me, 人们都觉得我不会有大出息and, um... 还有they certainly didn't expect me 他们肯定没想到to end up with... somebody like you. 我会和你这样的美人走到一起So this is all about you 所以你只是把我当成个parading me around like a trophy? 奖杯抱过去耀武扬威是吗Yes. 没错Why didn't you say so? 你干嘛早不讲I can be a trophy! 做奖杯扮花瓶我可最在行Come on. We need to get this up to pebble beach. 好啦赶紧把这个尤物带去卵石滩吧Manny! We're leaving! Get ready! 曼尼出发啦快收拾一下Oh, good. If we get out of here in the next ten minutes, 太棒了我们十分钟内离开的话we don't have to pay for the second hour. 就只用付一个小时的房费How you doing there, sport? 玩得怎么样啊开跑车的- I'm sorry. - That's okay. -真抱歉 -没事啦Thanks. 多谢So... 那Whatcha doing all the way up here? 跑这么远来做什么Did someone snap? 是不是生气啦A little. Yeah. 没错有一点I was mad at you for buying that stupid sports car. 就因为你买那辆破跑车I knew it! 我就知道And I was wrong. 但我错了It's a great car. God, I had the best day. 这车太棒了一整天都棒极了Phil, I did cartwheels. 菲尔我还做了侧手翻Without me? 不带我吗Yeah. 对Hey, did you know there's a girl with a crush on Luke? 你知道有小姑娘喜欢上咱家卢克了吗- Olivia. - Yeah. -奥利维亚吧 -对Oh, and Haley's totally done with Corey. 海莉跟科里彻底玩完了That's new. 这我倒不知道Alex is teaching herself Chinese 艾丽克斯在自学汉语so she'll be useful when they finish buying us. 等回头中国把咱全部收购后可以派上用场She's so weird. 她就是个怪小孩I really want to be able to drive the kids around. 我真的很想驾车带孩子们四处逛逛I need a bigger car for work. I made a mistake. 我本该买个大点的车上班用是我错了No, you didn't. You bought it for a reason. 你没犯错你买它是有原因的When did we stop coming to the beach? 为什么咱们后来就不到海边来了I think it was when Alex 好像是从艾丽克斯started printing out water quality reports. 绘制水质报告开始的She'll be China's problem soon. 以后该头痛的就是中国了[来研究食品质量吧]You know... 你知道吗。

Okay, everybody. Cake time!Thank god. I really have to study.Oh, sweetheart, can't you just take a minute to enjoy it? It's your birthday.You put too much pressure on yourself.I remember my sweet 16.I wanted a theme party."Moonstruck" had just come out, but I hadn't, so --No stories, no time --S.A.T.s.Here we go, everybody.Wait, wait.We all know why we're here.- Ay, honey, you missed one. - I know!I know I missed one! I'm not an idiot!There! Happy?!- You're being a little... - Obstreperous?! Recalcitrant?! Truculent?!I was gonna say "Cray-cray."Alex, sweet...I really need to focus!There is a 16-year-old science prodigystudying cancer research at Johns Hopkins!16! What am I doing?!I'm eating cake!No, no, no.Cake! Cake! Cake!Alex might be a little bit fragile after last night,so let's try to be sensitive.Oh, believe me -- I am going to benothing but nice to Alex from now on.If she snaps and goes on a rampage,who do you think she's coming for first?She's not going on a rampage.I bet she'd let me live. She likes me.I'm just gonna say it -- I never trusted her.Oh, everybody just be normal.We're gonna treat her exactly the way we usually do. And there she is.- Hi, pretty girl. - How'd you sleep?- Fine. - Your hair looks super-soft, Al.And is that a great new sweater? Love!Dad, can you hand me the butter knife?No!Haley, Luke, upstairs, please.Thank you.Thanks.So, about my meltdown.- Who? - What meltdown?I want to see a therapist. I did some research.Dr. Gregory Clark -- highly recommended, specializes in teenagers, and is covered by our insurance.I booked a double session with him today.And since you guys have the open house,I will be taking the bus.- Okay. - That sounds good.She's like a self-cleaning oven.Check it out.I'm rockin' the old school for the open house today.I'm gonna put the "Fizz" back in "Phys Ed."I'm gonna put the "Fizz" back in "Phys Ed."I love it -- all of it.- Really? - Yeah.Because I want to make a good impression today.I want to be the teacher all the parents are talking about. Well, that explains the socks.What?There's a caste system at school --Academic teachers at the top, gym teachers at the bottom. It's offensive and disrespectful.They treat us like we're lunch ladies.Hey, there, neighbor.- It's Asher, right? - Yeah.Um, I just wanted to let you know --I think there might be something- wrong with your air conditioner. - Oh, really?Yeah, I mean, it just seems to be running a lot,even when it's, uh, kind of cool outside.No, no.Um, my partner runs a little hot.Not as hot as our planet.Sorry. I don't mean to be that guy.It's just, um, we're all in this together.Yeah, I drive a Prius, so...And that's a nice little gesture.My car runs on reclaimed cooking oil.I have some literature, if you want it.That's okay. Save the paper.I haven't printed anything since 2004.I was gonna e-mail you.On your power-hungry computer?My entire house is solar-powered.I sell energy back to the gridand use that money to save polar bears.I'm an environmental lawyer,so, you know, I'm pretty green.So is your lawn.I went drought-tolerant --Succulents, indigenous plants, rock garden.My other daddy says your yard looks like a litter box. She's a cute kid.I remember when she was in disposable diapers.Are you ready?Yeah.Why do you look like that when I look like this?My friends say it's because of your money.No, I'm just saying why is she all dressed upfor a school open house?I want to impress Manny's history teacher.I want Manny to go to Washington, D.C.Yeah, Junior Congress.Only one kid in the whole grade gets picked to go.I think I can make a difference.Regular Congress can't even make a difference.Don't worry, Manny. I have it covered.You just go and enjoy your date.I have a date. It's no big deal.D-don't make a whole thing about it.What did I do with my car keys?I mean, we're just friends now,but I have a good feeling.I know -- don't get ahead of myself.Every time I put them down.What is her name?Either Zoe or Piper.How can you be going on a date and you don't know her name? This is where it gets interesting.I seriously doubt that.A few days ago, we almost let a girl come between us.- Who is she? - The new girl.- She's pretty. - Super-pretty.Dibs.What?! N-no. You can't call dibs.She's a human being with feelings,not the front seat.Then a miracle happened.Twins -- each as pretty as the other.It's funny -- Luke and I don't usuallygo for the same kind of girl.Yeah. I like to describe my type as "Gettable".What are you doing, Tucker?Oh, hey, Principal Brown.Do you know how other teachers drone on and onto parents with their boring lectures?Well, I thought I would go another way.Oh. Well, I don't like the sound of that at all.I think you will.I'm gonna spice things up with a spirited game of dodgeball. Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no.Okay, before you say "No"...I already said "No."...let me show you my whole bit.Howdy, folks.My name's Tucker.I'm the Sheriff of Dodge...ball."Laugh, laugh, laugh."And then --No, no "then." No.Have you seen the shape some of these folks are in? We don't need a parent dropping dead in here. Look, this is the "Dolphin Den."I am not renaming itthe Harvey K. Mandelbaum memorial gym.But I was gonna divide everybody up intoBut I was gonna divide everybody up intothe Hatfield and McCoys.Just no dodgeball.Hello, Mr. Ingram.I am Gloria Delgado-Pritchett,Manny's mother.Yes, of course.I just wanted to thank you so much.He thinks the world of you.You know, as a child of an immigrant,he can look at the world with such a fresh perspective. And talking about fresh,I brought you some empanadas.Subtle.Hey, Phil. Where's Claire?Oh, she's going to Alex's classes.I'm doing Luke's.I'm surprised to see you here.Isn't your team playing today?Yeah. Gloria made me come.I think I'm recording the game,but, you know, you can never know.The last time, I got six hours of Bravo.And who knows?Maybe Manny's going to be the first Latino President. Hello, Mr. Ingram.Dr. Donna Duncan,Wesley's mom.Just brought you a little thank-youfor being his absolute favorite teacher ever.- Those cupcakes are so white. - Thank you.Dr. Donna Duncan.I'm Gloria.We've met several times.Oh, of course.Mario's mom.Manny.And how is he fitting in now? Better? Anyway...Here she is.You brought a flask to an open house?You want some? It's Scotch.No. Put it away.Don't be such a goody-goody.Taste it. It's older than you are.- I don't want any scotch. - Well, just smell it.- Fine. - Mr. Dunphy, is that a flask?No. It is. It I--Uh, I was -- it's his.No, it's not.For the record, no alcohol is allowed on school premises. For god's sake, Phil,it's 2:00 in the afternoon.So, Alex, tell me why you're here.I had a little meltdown last night,and I'm afraid it'll happen again.But, this time, in the middle of the S.A.T or something. Why do you think you melted down?I'm stressed.It's my junior year.Part of me feels likethe limbic system in my brain's a bit off.That's a thing, right? I did some research.You know I charge the sameeven if you diagnose yourself?I'm just trying to move this along.I have a lot to do.Well, uh, this is a process.You know, it takes some time.What -- what are you thinking?- Nothing. - No, no. Go ahead. Tell me.That maybe you're not up for this.I mean, no offense.You're just a lot older than you look on your website.Did you even have S.A.T.s when you were in high school or Asian kids?Oh, no. no, no, no.But there were other things I worried about --Spanish inquisition,sailing off the edge of the world,learning how to understand fire.Sorry.- You mind if we try something? - What?Just do me a favor.Take a deep breath.Great.Now... what's on your mind?Well... I just remembered that I forgotto charge my computer before I leftand that I have to get new index cards before Monday. Hopefully they don't run out of the blue ones,because, for some reason, those help me study better. Maybe it's because they're easier to reador maybe my prescription's getting worse.I should probably make an appointment with the eye doctor. Also, should I get a job this summeror would an internship look better on my application? And what is up with Hillary?Is she going to run or not?I mean, I feel like she'd totally understandthe feeling of being overwhelmed,but also like you're not doing enough at the same time. Hey, Nina, how's Sanjay?Oh, great. Thanks.He's just dealing with the S.A.T.s and the A.C.T.s. And that merit scholarship applicationeveryone's so stressed about.What -- what application?Let's begin by talking about the A.P. Physics test, which, as you know, takes place on...May 21st.With Luke and Haley,I'm on top of everything because they aren't.But Alex is so self-sufficient,I just sort of put it in cruise control.I've fallen asleep at the wheel,and now my little genius is covered in cake.Now, a list of practice tests I recommendthe students take before then3a, 4c, 12a through "f,"18d, 19a, 23c,24g, 25h, 26a...Meanwhile, a great artist like Bob Dylanwould get voted off in the first round, which --If you wet the end,it will stick to his face.You're a genius.Piper, that's rude.You know, Manny, in chorus,we sing "Blowin' in the wind."Now that's blowin' in the wind.You're funny, Luke.Manny and I need to use the restroom.We do?You've got to switch with me.What? No, we can't do that.They're twins. They'll never notice.You realize we're not twins, right?Special dollhouse delivery for Lily!It's here, it's here!I think you're going to love it.I spent so many hours playing with this when I was your age. Yeah, me too.Hey, quick, turn off your car.Why? It's in park, I think.I have a judgey green neighbor.He had the nerve to come over hereand tell me that I'm not green enough.Shut up! You're super-green.Thank you. I'm -- I'm recycling a dollhouse.I even recycled a child.- Didn't you win some award? - Yes, yes.The state bar association award for sustained excellencein the field of environmental...yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the one.w. There was one word left.You didn't have to cut me off.Dollhouse, please.Okay. Yeah, in a minute.You know what you should do?March right over thereand wave that trophy in his stupid eco face.No. You think?Yes. Those people are so annoying.There's this girl at my schoolwho was all over me about my boots 'cause they're leather. Meanwhile, she's wearing Crocs,like those aren't endangered.You know what? I am gonna do that.Show him to out-green me.- Okay. Oh, no. - Oh, no.All right, those are blowing into his yard.That is -- okay, that's definitely gonna hurt my case. Uh, you pick these up.I'm gonna go get the trophy. Lily, help her.I heard that "recycled child" comment.Thanks to your little flask,now the teacher thinks I'm a burnout.Football game.Football game!- What are you doing? - You can do this now.I saw it in a commercial.Not with that phone.You might as well say it into your wallet.Come on. We're gonna be late for math.I'm not going to any more boring classes.You're just gonna cut?No,I'm just not gonna go because I'm in my 60s. Teacher's lounge.They got a TV in here.- We can't go in the teacher's lounge. - Why not?- Um, it's for teachers only. - You're a teacher.Right now, you're teaching me how to be a little bitch. Jay, don't. Jay.Jay!So, when do you think you'll be making your decision? Oh, sometime in the next week or so.Oh, take your time. It would be rude to rush you.Not as rude as interrupting two peoplein the middle of a conversation.Well, actually, I'll go.I'm gonna go grab some coffee.Good idea because those cupcakes look very dry.Okay. This is unbelievable.They just gave me four books on applying to top colleges. When am I gonna have time to read all this?Oh, my gosh. I'm so sorry.I didn't see you there. Come on, girls.Oh, she's so mean.- Everybody sees me. - Who was that?Dr. Dooda Dada.She thinks that she can flirt her son all the way to Washington, but I'm gonna take her down.I would love to chat, but I got to get to A.P. Calc.Physical education is a critical part of every school day.As we develop the mind, so we must the body.This begins with good nutrition, uh, physical activity, sportsmanship, and attention to personal hygiene.No, please, please, please don't go.I know this is boring, but this isn't my idea.I wanted to play a spirited game of dodgeball, but --That sounds fun. I'll play dodgeball.I'll play, too.Anything's got to be better than this.Oh, well, you know what?We're really not supposed to, but you know what?Hey, guys, listen to this. My name's Cam.I'm the sheriff of Dodge...ball.Okay, you guys are the Hatfields.You are the McCoys.Mr. Mandelbaum, I'd like you to stay seated. You're gonna be our referee.All right, everybody, let's dodgeball! Dodgeball was a smash.Dr. Donna and Gloria were like two assassins just picking off their victims one by one. Okay, last two dodgeballers.Are you ready?Yes.Are you ready?Yes!Oh, I'm so sorry.I'm going to kill you!Gloria, Gloria, Gloria, don't!Ow! My eye! I don't understand you!So, you like theater,and you just put this fake thumb in our fries. Yep.I'm gonna go out on a limb hereand say we're with the wrong people.Let's just switch dates and get this party started. What? We don't want to switch.Yeah. I'm not attracted to you.And I'm not attracted to you.Wait a minute.We like all the same things, but you don't think I'm cute?I've got a thing for Latin men.I like 'em dumb.- Ugh. Well, that's just offensive. - And shallow.Just because we're guys doesn't mean we don't have feelings. Yeah. I don't feel good about this.It makes me feel...bad.Come on, Luke. Let's get out of here.Our parents aren't home.If you want, we'll make out with you.I'm not proud of what happened next.I am.He's not home.How's the cleanup going?Well, I think I got most of them.You've been at this a while.How come you only have like eight peanuts?Instead of carrying them around,I made a huge pile right over th--- Again?! - Geez. They're everywhere.Oh, god. No! Bird!Aah! Oh, no!Oh, no! No, no, no, no, no!Oh, no! What is that smell?!It smells like french fries!It's biodiesel. Can you plug it up?- Oh, what? With what? Popcorn? - Oh, geez. Oh, god.No! My boots! This is a disaster!Save the seals!What -- what -- what -- what the hell?What did you do?Uh, I won a green award.That's what.You think you can get this thing to work?Hey, you're supposed to be the lookout.What if somebody walks in?Gee, they'll call my parents.Hey! Look! You did it!Yeah, it's not that big of a deal.Listen, I'm gonna get back to class.Before you go, let me ask you a question.How do you know how to do all this stuff?Back in high school, I was in the A.V. Club.We did all kinds of crazy things.One year, we hid a microphone in the gym.We could totally hear everything that was going on at prom.I used to make fun of guys like you.This is pretty cool.Really?You think this is cool...First down! All right.Best open house ever.It's all gravy when you're in the A.V.Admit it -- doesn't it feel goodto break a few rules,take a walk on the wild side?- You're welcome. - No, you're welcome.I'm the one who set this whole thing up.Let's just say we make a good team.To us.There he goes. There he goes.Come on, come on! Come on!Come on! Yeah!I've been like this for as long as I can remember. Can you give me an example?Well, when I was little,I was in a spelling team at schooland I really wanted to win.I don't know why. There was no prize.No one cared.My parents didn't even know I was in it.I just felt this weight on my shoulders,like if I lost, I'd...I don't know.- I just had to win. - And did you?Yep. Know what the winning word was? Responsibility.Is that what you feel?A responsibility to win all the time?To always be the best?That's one way to put it.And this responsibility -- where does it come from? I'm not sure. It's just...there.So it's an internal pressure.Kind of.I mean, once you start overachieving,people expect things from you.Like what people?You know, the world...Teachers, parents, other kids.It's not all internal.Don't get me wrong.I like the way I'm wired.It's what's going to get me into a good school.It's what makes me who I am.And how is that -- being who you are?I don't know.Mostly good.A little exhausting.Sometimes hard.I guess there's your answer.It's hard being me.Tell me a little more about your family.They're pretty normal, I guess.I'm not like any of them,- But that doesn't really bother me. - Ever?Only when they say things like "Alex, you study too much" or "Don't freak out" or "Go do something fun."So, your siblings--they don't experience the same pressures you do.Oh, god, no. They don't care about school.Hmm. Why do you think that is?I mean, you all grew up in the same housewith the same parents, yet you're the only onewho feels this enormous pressureto achieve at such a high level.Why do we even have to talk about my family?They don't have anything to do with this.They don't get me.How's that feel?- I don't know. - You're a smart girl.- Try a little harder. - I said I don't know.I feel...kind of alone.I realize our juniors are busy with SATs, so as a rule,I only give two hours of homework a night.- Two hours? - Our students are highly advanced.It's nothing they can't handle.You know, I'm-- I'm sure they can.It's just that if they have two hours in this class and they have an hour for A.P. Bioand an hour and a half for, um, advanced lit and-- hang on one second.Let me just do this on the board,'cause then it's-- um, we got 2 and 1 and 1.5 and then another, uh, hour and a halffor A.P. History-- gives us...- It's 6. - Yes!Nina, I was getting there.Thank you! Thank you so much!If I could just have a second to thinkwithout all the tippy-tappy typing.6.Well, I hope you're happy.You've ruined dodgeball for everyone.She was the one who threw that ball in my face. Only because you threw yourself at Mr. Ingram. Okay, ladies, please.Can't you see what's going on here?You both just want what's best for your kids.I need to get this trip for Wesley.I'm tired of him being so mad at me all the time. Why is he mad?Oh, he blames me for the divorce.His father will always be the hero.It's hard to blame someone who's never there.Now, can't you relate to that?It will get better.Kids always figure out who's really there for them. Again, we're very sorry about the projector.I'll send a check on Monday.- Hi, honey. - I got in trouble.Whatever she did, add it to my tab.- All right, let's do this. - No. No, no, no.Not you two, just you. Come on, sheriff.Oh, hey, honey. How did it go?Good. And I made another session for next week.How was the open house?Wow. So intense.I had no idea the kind of pressure you're under. Honey, I was just you for two hours.I could barely hold it together.I don't know how you don't have a meltdown every day. - I... - Oh, honey.Sweetie, what? Did I say something?Yes.Thank you.Okay.Okay.Okay.Again, I am so sorry.I-I guess, in retrospect, it was a little crazythat I wanted to show you my state bar association award. Stop.And it's possible I come on a little too strong.No. No, no.I like to think that I'm greener than I am,but maybe I just want the creditwithout doing all the hard work that you do.Well, you're right-- it is hard,but, you know, it's also alienating.You know, no one wants to be friends with me.I-I can't tell you the last timeI had people over for dinner,which is probably a good thing.You know, with solar power,it takes four days to roast a chicken.- Really? - If you want it cooked all the way through, yeah. You know I had salmonella three times?If you want to come over to our house for dinner,- we kind of owe you. - You can play with my dollhouse. Yeah?Does it made from sustainable materials?Forget it.。

Councilwoman Dunphy, how do you respondto allegations that you look super sexy in your new suit?Uh, I haven't been elected yet.Come on, kids! We gotta vote!- Honey, come on. Please stop filming. - I'm just excited!After today, you are going to be a councilwoman,and I am going to be a first husband.And if you don't stop filming,you're going to be my first husband.All right, everybody, come on!Do you know what you're doing, kids?You guys are manning the phone banks.Alex, you're in charge of that.Wh-why is she in charge? And what's--what's a phone bank? That's why.- Phil. - I got it.I will be driving 50 of our finest senior citizens to the polls, assuming, of course, that they remember that I'm coming for them. - Where you at? - High-five.Old people occasionally forget things.Okay. All right, everybody, let's go. Let's go.Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Real quick!Sorry. Everybody get in there. Jump in there.I just want to say how proud of you we all are.You're an inspiration.Who would have thought that 20 years agowhen you were still in the bloom of your youth--Okay, I'm gonna go start the car.Claire likes to win.When she was 8, a little girl scout friend of hersbragged she could sell the most cookies.Damn if Claire didn't walk the neighborhoodtill she got blisters on her feet and won by ten boxes.Best part isClaire wasn't even a girl scout.The choice is Claire!Vote Claire Dunphy for town council.Aw, I love it!- What do you think, huh? - I love it.We got it on Craigslist.Came off a taco truck.- It did. - I love that you're doing this for me.- Thank you! - You're welcome.I know how important winning is to Claire.And I love to festoon things.We're her dream team.So we cleared the whole day, dropped Lily off at school, and voted first thing.Although, uh, one of us had a bit of a dimpled chad situation. Can you tell me how this machine works again, Chad? Oh, sure. No problem.Just wanna look in here. Just--Thank you. Thank you.- Bye! Bye!- Thank you, guys!I can see Clairely now that Duane is gone.Bye! Thank you! Oh, my gosh.Okay, everybody, get in the car. Let's go. Let's go. Good luck today, Claire.Oh, Laurie, thank you.Hey, by the way, we have some really good news.- What's that? - Becky got into the University of Oregon. Oh, congratulations!Any news, Haley?Uh, uh, no, not-- not yet,but, you know, super psyched!This whole waiting-to-hear thing has been a nightmare since the very first letter.I'm too nervous. I can't do it."Dear miss Dunphy,we regret to inform you..."What?! Don't leave me hanging!After that, I decided to only tell my parents good news.I have one school left,and the only good news I've gottenis that my annoying neighbor Beckyis moving back east to Oregon.- Manny, write this down. - I didn't bring a pen. Election day is America at its finest.The people speak, and the government listens.I don't know what they do in Colombia.No one does, and don't ask.I mean, we know that voting's a privilege,but for my daughter to have her name on that ballot,it just means so much more--You know what? I think I'm gonna vote later.What? Where are you going?Ah, the line is too long.It's only three people! And nobody has a gun!It's only three people! And nobody has a gun!We're here, we're Claire,get used to it!You know, I'm not sure if that's tracking.Here, let me try one.You don't have to be Clairevoyant to know who to vote for. Vote Dunphy for town council.Uh, uh, uh, Claire Dunphy.Uh, C-Caire's her first name.I'm sorry if that wasn't Claire.Oh, my God. Look at that. There's a trash can right there, and that guy just threw his paper on the sidewalk.Hey! You in the yellow jacket.Pick it up and put it in the trash.- Oh, my God. He did it. - Yes, he did.Ooh, here. Let me try one.I'll try...Hey, dragon tattoo, no jaywalking!oh, my gosh.This is an instrument of power.How could they not sell tacos?You know what we could do with this thing?Cam, we could really make a difference.We could be the voice of change.Ooh, I got it!Let's go yell at the dry cleaner that lost my shirt. Come on, gang.Today is the Dunphys at their best.I'm from the "Weekly Saver." Mind if I ask you- a couple questions about the big election? - Not at all. Fire away.Who are you voting for today?Claire Dunphy.Finally. I've been waiting for someone to say that name. Why?Uh... Because I am Claire Dunphy.Oh, sorry. They moved me over from ad sales.We take turns reporting.How do you feel about your chances today?Not as good as I did a few minutes ago.No, she feels great.Um, her spirits are high. The whole family's high.- There's your headline. - Phil, no.Uh, how about a photo of all of you?- Yeah. Sure. Yes. - Mom, mom, mom. Tag.- Tag's still on. - Oh, my Goodness.Thank you.That would have been a really awkward picture. Okay. No!What is that?Is that a tooth?- Ew! - Awesome!How old are you? No!- Do it again! - How does that even happen?It's a-a fake tooth from an old ice-skating injury.- It just fell out. - Oh, my gosh. Why today?!- What about the... - Let's not overreact.- Let's--let me see it. - Okay. All right.Got it. Thanks.What happened back there?Line was too long. I couldn't wait.I've seen you wait 45 minutes in line for sherbet! Well, I happen to like sherbet, okay?That place I take youhas the greatest sherbet on the west coast.They got lime sherbet, they got coconut sherbet.Why are we talking about sherbet?He's clearly changing the subject.Why aren't you in school?He's doing it again.Manny's right. You're being very ardilla.- "Ardilla"? - Yeah, you know, the--The one that--that--- Rabbit? I was being rabbit-y? - No, another one- With the cheeks and the tail and... - Chipmunk?- Possum? -Okay, obviously she means squirrel.You were being squirrely then,- You're being squirrely now. - Better than being a rat. Manny, give us a minute.Oh, sure. I served him up on a silver platter.What?All right, it's no big deal.There was a woman working there.I didn't want her to see me.- Who is she? - Her name is Dottie.She's the first woman I dated after my divorce.You dated a Dottie after Dede?Y-you're focusing on the wrong thing here.The--the point is it ended badly.I tried to let her down easy, but, uh,she didn't take it too well.Actually, I don't know how she took it,'cause I wasn't there.We dated a few weeks, then after we... You know,I slipped out of her house before she woke upand never called her again.Put my pants on in her yard, put the car in neutral,let it roll down the driveway, lights off.Hey, I can't talk about this anymore.So because of this woman,you didn't vote for your daughter?It's Claire! We need her to win!I don't want to be around when something that tight comes unraveled. I'll figure out something.Maybe those poll workers take shifts.Stop hiding in your little cave like a--Like, you know. Like the-- the--the--- I really don't wanna do this again. - No, the--No. No. The big one, like, uh, the monster furry one.Ay, why can't I remember any animal names?Climb aboard the Dunphy Express.Next stop--democracy.- Well--no, no... - Please don't go.I won't do that anymore. I promise.Oh. Uh, we need to make a quick stop.I gotta pick up my new glasses.No can do. I, uh...I got a lot of people waitin', so...It'll just take two minutes.I can't even see the ballot without my glasses.I mark the wrong box,next thing you know I'll be married to a guy.Yeah, I-- I don't think it's mandatory, Walt.I'm a good dancer. They'll come for me.Oh, yeah.They will break all your buttons...and say you brought it in that way.Okay, go, go, go!Turns out we had a lot of axes to grind.And a hybrid, so there was virtually no stopping us. Do not see that movie!You will neither laugh nor cry!"Best pizza in the city"?Not even the best pizza on this street.They do not do the hair of the people on those pictures! "Totally free checking"?Don't bank on it!Okay, that was really fun,But now we gotta go back to campaigning for Claire. We've been saying that for two hours.Yes, but now I-I really mean it.- Oh, my god, there's Sandy! - Sandra Bullock? Yeah, Sandra Bullock.We're such good friends, I call her "Sandy," So... No, Sandy who works at Lily's preschool.- Right there. - Oh, yeah.- You know, she got engaged. - No!- To the gay boyfriend? - Totally.Oh, how does she not see it?If I was with somebody that gorgeous,I'd overlook a few quirks, too.First of all, thank you.Second of all...point well taken.I don't know. Poor Sandy. I feel so bad for her.- Well, it's better than being alone. - Is it?She's looking over here.- Oh, my god. - Mitchell, you're sitting on the button.What? No--no, I'm not. No, I'm not!The--it's stuck!And you're the one that had it last- when you were talking to the cheese shop! - Because you know what? If you advertise truffle cheese,- there are certain expectations... - Hi, Sandy.Yeah, I'm calling on behalf of Claire Dunphy.- What a beautiful name. - She used to be a citizen.I'm calling on behalf of Claire Dunphy for town council.All right. How about this?if you vote for Claire Dunphy...You won't have to pay taxes for the rest of your life.Vote for Claire!Luke! What are you doing?You can't say that!Oh, like she'd be the first politicianto make a promise she can't keep.Well, maybe I don't want to talk to you, either. Maybe you are the one that is bothering me!How do you like that? Eh?Gloria, I'm gonna have to ask you againto please stick to your script.But everybody's saying no to me!I don't get it.Usually when I ask someone to do something,they just do it!Maybe it's because these people can't see you.I don't like it.Can't you just hook me up to some sort of camera? Well, thank you, Maggie, for the vote.Okay. Bye-bye.Here's your seat.Thank you. Um, you'll have to excuse me.I'm a little nervous. I've never been on the radio before. Don't worry about it.- Just think of it as a conversation. - Okay.Here are your headphones. Volume control.- Don't get too far from the mike. - Okay.Make sure your cell phone's off.Oh. Cell phone. Right. Um...And you're not chewing gum, are you?No, I'm not. I just had some temporarydental work done.The last thing I need--And welcome back to "A matter of record."I'm Cecil Van Gundy.Joining us now in studio is district 43town council candidate Claire Dunphy.Thank you, Cecil.It's a pleasure to be here.So... You're a first-time candidate.Tell us what got you involved.It all started with a, um...With a stop sign.I was concerned about safety in our neighbourhood and I was not getting any satisfaction from city hall. What's wrong with mom?Oh, this isn't good.She sounds drunk!That's not her drunk voice.Tell us about some of the other issues facing our town. Where do you stand on the city'ssewage and sustainability initiative,the so-called S.S.I.?One cannot really talk abouts-s-sewage and sustainabilitywithout first discussing... recycling.This city can do more...- What the hell's wrong with her? - with the recycling program... She sounds drunk!- ...currently... - It's a tooth thing.What's wrong?Oh, I'm almost out of air. Oh, boy.Is that serious?Is oxygen serious?You know what? I lost a ton of time getting your glasses.I'm just gonna drop you at home.You can get your air. I can drive other people.I don't have any more tanks at home.Why? That seems like bad planning.Well, I forgot to order them.My pills make me forget things.Oh, shoot! I gotta take my pill!Please tell me you have it with you.Of course I do, but I have to take 'em with food.- Don't I? - Are you asking me?Uh, yes! I do take them with food!Ooh. I don't feel so well.Okay, I'll get you whatever you want!I'll get you the air, I'll get you the food.Then I'll vote for your drunk wife.That is not her drunk voice!Thank you so much for voting.We appreciate it.Hi. I'm terribly sorry. Excuse me. Jay Pritchett. Uh, can I get in-- in and out really quick?Thank you. This is all I needed.Thank you very much. Thank you very much.All right. Claire, Claire, Claire.Claire, Claire-- ahh, ahh. Here.I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!Hello, Dottie!Jay! It's so nice to see you!- Is it? - Oh, why wouldn't it be?That was a long time ago. Water under the bridge. - We're good. - Oh, that's great.Thank you so much for voting.You remember my daughter Claire. She's--She's running for town council.- Oh, isn't that neat? - Yeah, I'm so proud.So you're gonna put it in there, huh?Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah. Definitely.cause every vote counts, you know.Thank you so much for voting.- You know... - Yeah.Boy, I'd sure like to see the sweet sightof my vote... counting.Why would I say I'd do something and not do it? That would make me a liar...instead of a trusting widowWho fell asleep in the warm embraceof a man who promised to make breakfast.Okay, here it is.Look, I am so sorry.You were the first woman I'd been with besides my ex--35 years.I panicked.An-and it wasn't 'cause y-you weren't pretty nakedor anything like that.I'd have run from Angie Dickinson.- Oh, lucky her. - Dottie--- Good-bye, Jay! - Dottie, Dottie, please.I'm just trying to get my ballot in the box.oh, yeah, that sounds familiar.Yeah, but you don't have to do anything.Just let me put it in!Uhh. Shouldn't have said that.We are so sorry.We did not mean for you to hear any of that.Yes, and you know what?We shouldn't have been gossiping in the first place. But what if you're right?What if Gregory is gay?When my mom said it, I didn't believe her.She lives in Iowa.But coming from you two!- Means nothing. - No.We barely know your fiance.- If he says he's straight, he's straight. - Mm. Straight. We're getting married in a month.People are flying in.He signed us up for dance classes.Oh, my god!No. No, no, no. Hey.- This is what gays do. - Yeah.- We gossip. - We gossip a lot.He gossips!No. No. You're missing the point, okay?We see a great-looking guy like Gregory,and we say he's gay because we want him to be gay! - Really? Really? Are you sure? - Yes. Yes. Absolutely. Look at what we do with movie stars. Okay.You know? Hugh Jackman-- he sings, he dances,He's dreamy!So obviously we would want him on our team!- Yeah. - But he's straight.Trust me, I know.I said hello to him once in a restaurant,and there was absolutely no chemistry.Well, if that isn't proof...Three weeks later, Sandy and Gregory got married,and everyone said the wedding was beautiful.Gregory did the flowers....Which is perfectly normal for a straight guy.The Greeks do one thing right, and it's lamb!All right. Let's go vote.Why the hell does your wife want to be a politician, anyway? You heard her. She wanted to put upa stop sign at Bristol and Greenleaf,But then she ran into--Wait, wait, wait!That's near where I live!Yeah. We're neighbors. Let's go!No way I'm voting for that!Too much government already.I didn't fight a war so some politiciancould tell me where I have to stop my car.You don't even drive!That's 'cause that Barack Obama took my license away.I don't think he was involved in the decision!I left the house today to get 50 votes for my wife.I'm not going home with zero.The least you can do is walk right in thereand punch a hole for the womanwho drags your garbage can up your driveway every Tuesday!I don't like it! Goes against everything I believe in.Really? A stop sign?!But I'll do it, 'cause you're a good kid.And I had a nice day...till you started yelling at me.So sorry. Thank you.Here you go.You know, my wife was an alcoholic, too.Okay. Let's just go vote.That's veteran political reporterWalter Shapiro.Hi, everyone!- Any news? - Not yet, not yet,But even if I lose, at least now I knowI have a future in radio.I couldn't. People need to see me.Before we get the results, I just want to thank you all for everything you've done for me.Mitch and Cam, for campaigning for me all dayin your little Claire-mobile.- It's the least we could do. - Yeah.Literally.We probably did more for Hugh Jackman's career than we did for Claire's.And, Manny and Gloria,thank you for making all those phone calls.And, dad...for all your support.I don't think I convinced anyone to vote for Claire.I don't think I even voted.And my husband...who drove aroundI don't know how many senior citizens today to the polls.One.And my beautiful children,whose faith has given me the confidenceto believe that I can do this.I can--oh.- Somebody else answer it. I lost. - Mom. Mom.- I can feel it. I-- - Mom.You can do it. Mom. Answer the phone.Hello?This is she.Thanks so much for calling.Bye-bye.I have some bad news.Because someone's gonna be busy now that she's a councilwoman? No, no, I wasn't doing that fake thing.- I really lost. I lost. - Ay, no.I'm so sorry. But you know what?We are still just so proud of you.[哀悼克莱尔]Yeah! I-- I don't know about you,But, um... I could use a glass of wine.Ohh. Now you're gonna hear her drunk voice. Mom?You okay?Yes. Fine. I'm good.I'm fine. I'm not fine. I wanted to win,And... and I'm so embarrassed.I mean, everybody out here worked so hard for me, and they believed in me,and I let 'em down.Oh, honey.Oh, sweetheart.Well, don't cry. I'm gonna be fine, sweetie. Really, I am.Just knowing you care so much makes me feel better. No, I got four rejection lettersI never told you guys about.What?I got rejected from U.C.S.B., Oregon, Wisconsin... - Oh, no. - And Northwestern.Well, we were overshooting on that one.What about, uh...It came today. My last chance.I'm too scared to open it.Whatever it says in there,your father and I are crazy proud of you.Okay?I did start trying this year.I know you did. You did.You have nothing to be ashamed of.Neither do you.It's a little bit different.No, it's exactly the same.Except you tried really hard the whole time,not just at the end.You're right.It is the same.We have nothing to be ashamed of...So let's open that together.Yeah, open it.What? No! What are you doing here?No. Come on, haley. We believe in you.Do it!You can always work for me.Come on. You can do it. You can do this.- Come on, Haley. - All right.Open. Open, open, open."Dear Miss Dunphy,We regret to inform you..."Oh, honey."While we cannot offer you admission at this time, "You are a promising candidate, and thereforeWe would like to place you on our wait list!" Oh, my god, I got wait-listed!We will take it!Yeah!Congratulations! Congratulations!Our daughter might be going to college!Phil, look.A stop sign.It's addressed to you."Dear Claire, I won. You lost."Here's your stupid stop sign."Next time you think about bothering me, "Please take its advice.Your councilman, the honorable Duane Bailey." Honey, you did it!I did it.I made our neighborhood a little bit safer.I may have even saved life.You idiot, there's stop sign! Can't you read?we need speed bumps.No, no. No! Honey!。

Okay. I'll -- I'll get that.Hello?Hey, Manny's getting his outfit togetherfor the dance tonight.I was just taking some supplies out to the car.Isn't this exciting -- the boys' first dance?Greatest day of my life.Does Phil have a green pocket square for him?Teal!Teal.I don't know. I don't think Phil'sreally a pocket-square kind of a guy.Why don't we conference in Mitch?Ay! Look. This might work.Well, except that it's turquoise...oh, and a bra?!Do you think the kids in my village had pocket squares? Here we go with the village.- Dad, are you still there? - Unfortunately, yes. Please ask Claire what timedo I need to be at the school to help set up.Gloria wants to know --No, I heard. I heard.Um, tell her thank you so much,but we have all the help we could possibly need,and she doesn't even have to come tonight- if she doesn't want to. - Claire said --I heard.Hello?Oh, hey, Mitch!- Where are you? - Oh, we're at the park.You would not believehow some of these people dress their kids.Lily's friend just pulled a Britney Spearsgetting out of a sandbox car.So, dad's on the line.Do you he a teal pocket square for Manny? Cam, Manny needs a teal pocket square.Oh, I've got teal, I've got aqua, i've got sea foam... - Yeah, Cam's got one. - Cam's got one.Yes!Oh, you know what? I lent it to Andre.Ah. He lent it to Andre.Flag on the play.What's that mean?What's that mean?!Now I got to go to the mall.Is this okay?Oh, hey! Luke has to go to the mall, too. What?Phil.Let's go, Incredible Hulk.Let's go, Incredible Hulk.更多影视更新请登陆 更多影视更新请登陆 更多影视更新请登陆 更多影视更新请登陆 更多影视更新请登陆 更多影视更新请登陆 更多影视更新请登陆 Uh, is that ur little girl over there -- Lily? - Yes. Look at her. - Yes.Uh, well, this is a little bit awkward,but she bit Tyler.Oh, no.Oh, my goodness.I -- I don't even know what to say.She's never done anything like that before. How did it happen?I don't know. I didn't see.It's time to play everyone's favorite game. "Let's blame the gay dads"!You know who had straight parents? Adolf Hitler.Charles Manson.- Shall we go on? - Naomi Campbell.I-I know it happened.He's got bite marks on his arm.Oh, gosh, someone really sunk their teeth into you, huh? It's 'cause you're such a yummy little guy!Yes!Our daughter didn't do that.- But he said -- - Right.He's probably just confused.You know who I bet did it, though?Billy. Rhymes with Lily.Plus, he is very aggressive.His babysitter's right over there.She's -- she's not much of a disciplinarian.Because I can assure you,if our child did something like this,if our child did something like this,we would be on her like white on rice.And I know that sounds a little bit like a racial slur, because we're white and she presumably likes rice,but I didn't intend it that way.Ah. Finally. There's a spot.Guys, I am just bursting with pride right now.Your first dance.Soon you're gonna be men.I want you to know there's more to be a manthan just shopping for fancy outfits.Yep. Pretty soon, you get some hair on your chest,you start answering the phone,people don't think you're ladies.Come on, today, Miss Daisy.Actually, Miss Daisy was the one being driven, not the one driving.Never saw it.It's called "Driving Miss Daisy".You got a real lip on you today. You know that? Hey! That was our spot!What are you doing?You're gonna let him snake your spot?Not worth it.Boys, here's the only thing you got to know about being a man --never let someone take what is yours.Unless it's just a parking spotand there's plenty of others.That's sweet, Phil. You ought to write that down. You got any lipstick in your purse?I love Jay. Are you kidding me?He's my boy.Yeah, he gives me a hard time,but that's the deal with a father-in-law.The key is,I never let him see just how much it devastates me. It's "Dunphy."That's what I said -- "Dumphy."No, not "dumb"."Dunphy"."Dumphy".- Say "done". - Done.- Say "fee". - Fee.- "Done-fee". - "Dumphy".All right, just bring it this way?This way -- there it is.Perfect. Thank you. Perfect.Cla-a-aire?- What? - Can you ask Gus to fix that light?I asked him, but he just growled at me.Oh, gosh. Okay.Gus, stop scaring Bethenny and fix the light, please? Don't make me come over there.I'm busy. You fix it.Is this because I saidi wouldn't come to the dance with you?Gus, I'm a married woman. People would talk.One dance with me, you'd forget all about him. Yeah, I already have a husband who doesn't fix lights. Please?Thank you so much.This school would literally fall apart without you. Well, I don't know about "literally"，but...Ihola, hola! I'm here!Oh, you came anyway.That's great.I think it's great, too.A few weeks ago, they asked for someoneto be in charge of the school dance,and I volunteered.The school asks for volunteersso that everybody will feel included,but who are they kidding?They want me to do it.I've put on every school dance since Haley was 12.It's my thing.They made us co-chairs,which means we're supposed to do everything together, but Claire won't take any of my ideas.She suggested an "Arabian nights" theme.Isn't it a little soon?Okay. Um, hey, everybody?Do you know Gloria, Manny's mom?She's here to help us out today.I'm the co-chair.So, the kids are gonna be here in two hours,so everybody back to work.Everybody back to work.I just said that.And I just co-said it.I mean, the nerve of that lady accusing Lily?Mm. Well, you know what? You can't change people, Cam.I mean, we just have to rise above.What happened?She bit me.Are you serious?Ohh! Ah! She did it again!It's like "Twilight" back here!No! No ice cream for you, Billy,because the lady say you biting!Okay. Okay. Go. Go.- Yeah. - Go, go, go.Drive.Are you sure this is teal?'Cause I'm starting to get a real strong green thing here. That's the fluorescent lights.Do you mind if I walk this over to lamps galore?I need you to worry about this less.Guess who fit into the suit on the mannequinand saved us 20%?Here's something I didn't know about mannequins --they don't have a wiener.What the heck is that?It's a nicer word for "penis".No, I mean, what the heck is this?It's a tie.It's teal.I don't care.I just grabbed the first one I saw.Well, grab a different one.No!Now I like it.Uh, I think we were here first.I just have one thing. I'm in a big rush.So are we.That's fine. Go ahead.Seriously?Jay, it's not a big deal.And can you give me the sale pricesfor some things I bought last week?Oh, for god's sake!Now, this is what i'm talking about, boys.You give people an inch, they'll run all over you. Or you could just be nice -- pay it forward. They don't make movies out of bad ideas.All I know is you got to fight for what you want. If there's one job available,this guy just got it,and they go hungry at the "Dumphys'". "Dunphys'".Okay, I don't get it. Why is she biting?Lily, why are you biting?She's not biting. She's teething.On people!All right, if she starts biting her play dates,she's gonna be a pariah.Try "piranha".Really, cam?It was right there.All right, you should also know that I in no way --in no way -- blame you.- Well, thank you. Why would you blame me? - I don't. Well, good, because I don't blame you.Well, obviously.Uh, okay, well, now I'm starting to feel the blame. No. No. Don't -- it's...it's just that you're with her all day.I have a daughter who bites and a partner who stings. Okay. Okay, you want to know the truth? Sometimes you've sent her some mixed signals.I'm gonna bite your feet!I'm gonna bite 'em right off!Oh, I'm not the one who uses my teeth like a multi-tool. Here we go. Cookies for Lily......and wine for us.Okay.I can't believe you would equate --Oh, don't bite my head off.I'm not a pack of batteries.Un poquito mas aca. Es perfecto all.Ay, good. Bellissimo.Why is this box here?!I am sorry -- we did,because we were moving the tables.Well, why are you moving the tables?So the kids have more space to dance.It's better this way.Is it really, Gloria?Because right now it kind of just looks likea clump of tables and a big open space. Look, I'm sorry,but we've always done it this way,and I think it's gonna throw people offif you move them around.Oh, my god, these tables look great!Who did this?I did!I love it!Hello.We haven't been properly introduced.- I'm Gloria. - I'm Bethenny.I don't know if anybody's ever told you this, but you're really pretty.No. No, Bethenny. No one's ever told her that.I am seriously freaking outabout these tables!You know what? Let's just put a pin in where we're gonna put the tables. Yes, we're keeping the tables!So what else can I do?Um...you can...help me with the chairs.Okay.We need a lot of them.They're under the stage right...here. There you go.It's like dirty and dark there, no? Yeah, I know. Bummer, right?Off you go.Smells funny, Claire!So sorry. Keep goin'!What?We needed chairs.We needed chairs.We needed chairs.We needed chairs.We needed chairs.What are you guys talking about? No, nothing. He was just sayinghow much he loves the tables.If I had the receipt,I wouldn't need you to look it up.At this rate, I'm going to miss the first dance...at my wedding!I thought he only had one item.Tell your dad, if it were up to me,we'd have been in and out of here in about 10 minutes. You mentioned that.And I'll probably mention it again,because, thanks to someone,we're gonna be here for a while.Yeah, I get it.You know, Luke, you should order that suit in a larger size, - because by the time we get out of here - I...get...it.Pay for the suit.Where the hell are you going?Luke needs...socks.Make 'em teal!You're playing a very dangerous game.Hey, boys...look who it is --the guy that stole our parking spot.- Are you going to hit him? - I'd totally hit him.I'm not gonna hit him,but I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind.Now, boys, pay attention -- you want to be men,this is how you handle a jerk like this. Hey, chief?You know, you stole our parking space today. - What? - That's right.I was waiting for the parking space,You sneaked right in there --that make you feel like a big man?Did I? I didn't even notice.That's no excuse.I'm really sorry.My dog died today.I had to put him to sleep.14 years,he was all I had.Now I can't stand the thoughtof going back to my empty apartment,So I just keep wandering around the mall. You know what? Forget about the...spot.Oh, god!That was his name!Do not hit him.Oasis for men?That's funny.You made that sound like a question,then you didn't wait for me to answer.- What? - Here, let me show you.Yeah, yeah, yeah. You go --You go, "Oasis for men"?You see what I mean? You went, "Oasis for men"?You should have said, "Oasis for men"?Then I'd go, "Yeah, give me two".But instead, you went, "Oasis for men".- Okay. I get it. - You see what I mean?- I-I get it. I get it. - No, I'm not sure you do!You sprayed before "Men"!You went, "Oasis for men".- Okay. Okay. - Men!- Men! Men! - Stop it! Stop it!- Men! Men! Men! Men! - Stop it!- Men! Men! Men! Men! - Stop it!Men! Men! Men! Men! Men!Hey, Phil.I don't know what happened.I just...I...I don't know what happened.Look, I might've come down on you a little bit hard today. I'm sorry.I remember pretending to go look for some socks...I mean, it's, uh, my fault.I pushed your buttons.My father-in-law was the same way with me.He was horrible.Grandpa Lucas? He was a sweetheart.Yeah, after the stroke mellowed him out good. Before? An animal.We named Luke after him.Everything I did was wrong.If I said it was white, he'd say it was black. Although he never said anything was black'cause he was a pretty big racist.I wear his watch.I hated him. Hated him.And I was thinking -- I don't know --I don't want you to think the same way about me. You ever think about maybenot being a jerk to me so much?Now, see, you got to stop taking that stuff personally. I'm like that with everybody.I'm tough!And...Mean.I don't like to take guff!Or people's feelings into consideration.Okay, okay.I can't swear my way's the right way.I see you smiling, skipping around,and I think sometimes -- I don't know --maybe the boys would be better offif they were a little bit more like you.You know, skipping burns more calories than running. That's --We're done here.Oh, hey, listen.He didn't tell me, but what'd you do to that guy, huh? Did you get him?Yeah, I sprayed him with cologne.I'm sorry I asked.No, but, like, a lot of cologne.I just, like, got way up in there.Good boy.Did you find anything yet?Yes, there's a whole section on bitingon this Mommy forum.Oh, good. What does it say?Uh, "My son was biting,so I got a stranger to yell at him”."Being disciplined by someone else outside the family scared him into stopping."- Idiots! - Cam!What? I am not hiring some hoboto come over here and traumatize my child.She's already prone to flashbacks,if you know what I mean.Yeah, you know she didn't fight in Vietnam, right?I don't know anything anymore.What else does it say?Okay, well, this one says,"When my daughter bit her brother,I put a pinch of pepper in her mouth"."She cried and cried, but she never bit again". Smiley face.Oh, well, the smiley face makes it okay."I waterboarded our toddler --lol"!Well, all right, what do you suggest we do?That we log off the Spanish inquisition website and handle this with love.Okay, Lily...take a bite of an apple, take a bite of a peartake a bite of the cookie that you left over there Here's one thing you should never do.Don't bite Taylor or Brandon or Suebecause people aren't food. People aren't food Your friends will run awayif they're scared of being chewedand as a side note,private parts are privateWell...problem solved.I know you're being sarcastic,but you don't know that it's not.Ow! Honey.- Did she just bite you again? - No.That is it. I am getting the pepper!N -- no, you are not.Cam, you're not doing her any favors by being soft. Oh, well, then, why don't you just skip the pepper, I'll get some pliers, and we'll pull her teeth now! Play relax! It's a seasoning.Okay. Well, then, why don't you try some?- Stop. - No. Try a little.- Stop it. Stop it, Cam. Stop it. - No, try a little bit. Don't you hit me. Here. Put some in there.- No! Well... - Ow! You bit me! Mm!Why don't you sing me a song about it?Oh, look at you two in your matching ties!- Don't get me started. - Ohh, come here.Luke, sweetie, aryou wearing cologne?No. Dad attacked the perfume guyand then hugged me.I saw the boys in those adorable little suits,and it made me realize this dance is about them.It's not about meand my petty little competition with...with Gloria.Just look at the walls in here.Who wears that to a kids' dance?I know. She looks amazing.Okay, I'm gonna slow things downwith a blast from the pastfor our chaperones.Oh, my god.No, I'm fine.I'm -- I'm fine.I'm fine. I'm fine.I need a paper towel.I'm sorry. I didn't see you.No...Of course you didn't. Of course you didn't.'Cause it's gloria's night.That's right.It's all about Gloria, Gloria, Gloria!When you're done getting married...maybe you can mop this up a little.What was that?It's this damn uniform.Okay, we need to talk.No. I am fine. I do not need to talk.Well, you've been pushing me away the whole week. You've been fighting all my ideas.That's because this is my thing, Gloria.Why can't it be my thing, too, Claire?Because everything is your thing!This -- this is the one thing that was my thing.This is my only thing.Oh my god, this is my only thing.And then you come along and you steal my thunder with your tight dresses and your great ideas.I was the one that all the moms looked up to.I was the only one that Gus liked.Ay! Please.You like him so much, you can keep him.It's not the same now that I know he likes you.That sounds really insane,but this isn't actually about gus.Really? Because you've been talking a lot about him. Gloria, Gus is a symbol.A sex symbol?Stop it, Gloria. I'm already crying.Claire...I didn't come here to steal your thunder. Your thunder is your thunder,and my thunder is my thunder.I know. It's just that god gave you so much thunder. Yeah, maybe too much.I hate how those women look at me.You think I don't know what they're thinking? "Ah, here comes the hot one with the big boobies that is gonna steal my husband".And maybe they don't let their kids play with Manny.I volunteer because I want them to seethat there's so much more to me.Why didn't you tell me that?Maybe for the same reason you didn't tell meyou had a weird thing for Gus --It's embarrassing.Okay. I am sorry.I made this whole thinginto some ridiculous competition,and...I'm pathetic.You're not pathetic.Okay, that's a little bit sad.We like to think we're so smartand we have all the answers.And we want to pass all that on to our children. But...if you scratch beneath the surface,you don't have to dig very deep to find the kid you were. Which is why it's kind of crazythat now we're raising kids of our own.You know what? This is a milestone.We're accepting that our little angel isn't perfect.That's right. And it's okay.I-I take it back --she is perfect.But I guess that's the real circle of life.Your parents faked their way through it,you fake your way through it,and, hopefully,you don't raise a serial killer.That's not funny.I am so sorry.No,just come over watching movieput the whole thing behind you.Okay, see you in a bit.That was Longines. He's in a very bad place.Oh, no. What happened?Well, apparently some maniac went crazy at the mall and attacked him with oasis for men.Oh. Well, I think we all knew that day was coming. All right. Wish me luck.Good luck.Okay, honey.Please don't hurt daddy.All right."Ahh".。

We're beginning our initial descent to Jackson Hole, Wyoming. Thank you for flying united.Reckon we'll be landing soon.Phil, honey, you promised not till we got there.Okay.This year we're going to a Dude Ranch.With the whole family.Mm-hmm the family.What if Dylan buys his own ticket?We'll sleeping in seperate cabins.What if Dylan and I share a horse?Mm, I hate landing.We'll get through this.What are you doing?I want my ears to pop.Try putting a little rouge on 'em.Nobody gets me.Wow. Isn't this beautiful, little cowgirl?You hate her sparkly outfit, don't you.No, I told you, it's fine,I just didn't like you wearing a matching one.So we haven't told the family yet,but we've decided to adopt a baby boy.From America this time.You might say we're "Buying domestic."In private. You might say that in private.Our adoption attorney told us it would be a good ideato make a photo book to show prospective moms.Yes, but he thought that Cam's version was a little too "artsy," So, we decided to take a few rugged shots at the ranch to, you know, balance it out.I don't think it needs balancing out.Really?It's called "Production value."Horse.Look, Jay! So beautiful!Your ears haven't popped yet, huh?I'm like the Horse Whisperer.But something is taking this one skittish.Look at the mountains.They're amazing.I've never been this far from home beforenow I've never been this far.now I've never been this far.Where's a cliff when you need one?Look, kids! A real life cowboy.Oh. Come see. Come see.What's he doing?Oh, my.My name is Hank.Here at the Lost Creek Ranch,you're gonna ride, you're gonna rope and you're gonna shoot.You gonna see a sky so full of stars,It'll put your city lights to shame.And when it's all down, you maight just encounter a piece of yourselves you never knew was there. Are there any questions?Uh, do we book spa treatments through you or...I like you, kid.I'm gonna call you "Hollywood."That wasn't an answer.And who's this Cactus Flower?What?That's my wife Gloria.Well, She's "Cactus Flower" now, old-timer. These, uh, these nicknames-- are they set in stone? Okey-dokey.You ready, gunslinger?I hear word of trouble in these parts.Pull!That oughta fix it, eh, Jay?You got a piece of it.I been practicing like crazy.All my cowboy skills--Shootin', ropin' pancake eatin'.Why? Because sometimesI feel like Jay doesn't respect me as a man.It just when you say, "Phil is my son-in-law,"It sound like you're saying, "Phyllis, come up, my son-in-law." - That's ridiculous. - Okay, who's your son-in-law? Phyllis.I'm not asking for a hug.I just want to get that look a newfound respect.Like...Or...Or... mm.Yeah.Check it out.Two birds, one leg.Pull it!Not bad, eh, old-timer?Uh, see, Slappy only had three fingers.What?He only had three fingers.Who's next?Oh, me. Me.Oh, this is good. This is good.Tres macho.No smile. Don't smile. Good.You ready?Wait, do I say "pull"?Sorry, sorry.Mitchell, why don't you go find Manny have the spa. Wouldn't that be more fun?Yeah.I realized that if I was gonna raise a boy,I needed to butch up my life.You know, I wanted to be able to teach my sonall the things that my dad taught Claire.Hey, Hollywood.I don't love that.Wanna see something?Oh, my gosh. Is that a firecracker?Shh!Now I just need to find the perfect thing to blow up. Is that thing even legal?Not here. It's from Germany.If they had this during the war,right now we'd all be knee-deep in strudel.Watch it!What you doing, eh? You readin'?Trying to.I'm not so good at it either.- I'm not surprised. - That was a joke.I'm Jimmy Scrivano.You want to see me do a cannonball?I'd rather see you get hit by one, but...Ha. Good one, gorgeous.Jay! Is this like the lobster?!Do I get to pick one for dinner?Because this one looks very tender.Look alive, old-timer.One of your calves is getting away.Hey, something's wrong with my horse. She's veering left. When this happened, my uncle was at stroke.Oh there'nothing wrong with buttercup,you just got to let her know who's the boss.Beautiful form, cactus flower!Beautiful!You look like a dadgum conquistadora!She's deaf, but I can hear ya.Why are you riding that way?I'm afraid that cow over there might bite me.Oh, yes, he's gonna come up and bite youbecause your leg looks so desirable with those--Are those canvas?Okay, Phil, ease that one back over towards me.- Got it. - Ease him back this way.Hey! Piece of cake, huh, Jay?- Huh? - Ease that one over to Bossy.Which one's Bossy?That's my nickname for your wife.Hilarious.Go, mom! Whoo!Yeah, mom! You rock!Oh, I wish I had a rock.Hey. It wouldn't kill you to be nice to Dylan.It might.But, honey, I don't know why you always stick up for him. Haley can do so much better.Because I know what it's like to fall for a girlwhose dad thinks I'm not good enough.All right, you're right.I can make more of an effort.That's the woman I love.we taking a little break over here? Laying some pipe? No. Sorry. I was just talking to Bossy.- Phil! - I'm sorry.Jay, look! I got this one!I got this one!She's veering left again.When we get back, I'm gonna seeIf she can track a pencil with her eyes.Okay, Lily, I'm going to push you one more time.Now don't kick me, okay?Aah! Oh! Lily!I said don't kick me. Okay?You know it's your own fault that's happening.Why don't you try standing behind her?You are an idiot.Oh, really? I ain't the one getting kicked.Why are you following me?Why are you fighting me here, gorgeous?This works.I really, really don't appreciateyou calling me "Gorgeous."I just want to enjoy time with my family,So if you don't mind--mm!Not a problem. See you around, sunshine.You kissed a boy!No, the boy kissed me. Okay, Lily?The boy kissed me.*I rode a horse for the first time today*wasn't surprised when it went... neighHey, Dylan.Hey, Mrs. Dunphy.I was wondering if we could have a little chat.Oh. You want me to go home.No, no. It's the--the opposite of that.I want you to go home?No, I, um, I want you to know how glad I am that you're here. Really?'Cause sometimes I just get this vibe you don't like me. Oh. Dylan, no. I'm sorry.I-I like you.I-I like you a lot. I just...it's complicated because Haley's my daughter.Whoa. Whoa, whoa.You are totally a hot mom, but I can't do this.Oh, my god. Okay, we--there's--no, no.I merely meant that I'm sorry if I made you feel unwelcome. Whew! That would have been awkward.So awkward.You know, but for the record, Mrs. Dunphy...Yes?If Haley wasn't my girlfriend...and mr. Dunphy was out of the picture...I would be honored to share your bedAnd raise Luke, Alex, and Haley as my own.Okay.Good talk.*She'll be running down the mountain*She'll be running down the mountain when she comes The song ended two minutes ago.Well, I'll tell you what, she could play Evita.Well, I'll tell you what, she could play Evita.Really? You notice the crickets left?Anyone want more water?Oh, Dad, I'll take one.Heads up.Oh! Oh, my gosh.Oh. It was--it was dark. I-I couldn't see it. Thank you.So did you set off the firecracker yet?When I do, you won't have to ask.First, all the electronics will go out,Then comes the heat flash.Afterwards, the living will envy the dead.And yet I'm the one on the no-fly list.You know what? Maybe next time I'll just catch it,and then hand it to you.Oh, okay. Yeah, let's do that.You--you do everything, and I'll do nothing. Something on your mind?This isn't the right place to talk about it.Okay.I-I'm s--I'm not sure if we should have another baby.What? Are you serious?I think that we might be rushing into this.Rushing into-- we've been working--Everybody, it's me, Dylan.I just wanted to thank you all for bringing me on this trip, and making me feel like one of the family,especially bossy.So I can't think of a better timeto ask something of the woman that I love.Okay.No, no.Haley Gwendolyn Dunphy,will you do me the honorsof being my lawfully wedded--No. No, no, no, no, no. No proposals.Not now. Not gonna happen.She's a child, so...- Mom! - You're still in high school!I meant after she graduates.Not then. Not now.Not ever.Seriously, what are you two gonna live off of? The--the--the royalties from the horsey song?- Put it back in your pocket. - Would you stop it? No, I won't. I won't.No, it's okay.I guess I'll just turn in.Just so you know, there's a fan in my cabinthat sounds like someone crying.Dylan, wait! I hate you!Oh, come on. Haley, get back here!Phil, anything?I think you said it all, Claire.You want me to rope her?I can, you know.For what it's worth,my second wife was in high school. Sweetie, here. Here we go.- One, two, three. - One, two, three.- Gone. - It's gone! It's over there!It's not back there.- We counted to three. - Yes.Where have you been?I-I slept on the couch in the lodge.I know you didn't want to have a big fight last night. Well, I'm ready now.Cam, I'm sorry.Look, what if I can't do the father-son stuff?The hunting, the--the sports,the Three Stooges?You know what happens in real lifewhen someone gets hit in the head with a ladder, they go to the hospital and they get an M.R.I. Never see that scene.I think you're overthinking this.You know, I love sports, I love the stooges.We've got this covered.No. No, you--you got it covered,but I'm just stuck on the sidelines,pretending to understand the rules, and...You know, my dad was a rough-and-tumble guy. And I just-- I could never relate to him.And I don't know. I just don't think I could handle disappointing... two generations.I think you're more masculineThan you give yourself credit for.Who puts a birdhouse next to a porch?Claire, I know that you're worriedthat Dylan is gonna break Haley's heart,but I see in his eyesthat he's gonna stick with her forever.No matter what, he's always going to be with her.On your deathbed--Okay. All right. I can't take this anymore.I'm gonna go find her.No. You push too hard, you chase her right into his arms. You'll end up with a boob for a son-in-law.Believe me, you don't want that.What's that supposed to mean?- What? - Hey, have you guys seen Dylan?No. No. Why?I'm not talking to you.He said he was going out for a walk last night,and no one's seen him since.Sweetheart, I'm sure he's fine.Maybe after last night, he just went home.Doubt it. He left his luggage.We have to do something.If he doesn't eat five times a day, he gets spacey.What would that even look like?We'll find him. Hank?We got a situation here!What seems to be the trouble?We need to talk.What?You stole my first kiss.What are you talkin' about?I had it all planned out.It was supposed to be special,someone with a high GPA And a bright future, not a Mario Brother.Fine. You know what? I don't even want your kiss. Here, you can have it back.There. Now we're even.Well, keep it. I don't -- I don't want it anymore. What am I doing?Okay, people.Looks like we have a walker.Right now he is facing treacherous terrain, sudden drops, mountain lions,hungry bears, oh, and wolverines.That is, if the hypothermia didn't already get him. Why did we come here again?So our best bet is to split up.You two are gonna take the North hiking trail.- Can I go with my dad instead? - Negative.I need buffalo phil and old-timerto check the Snake River.Buffalo Phil --worth the wait.Me and cactus flower will ride on up to Destiny Ridge. Maybe I should ride up there with her.Negatory. That trail is for advanced riders only.We don't need another dead body."Another"?Let's go! Move 'em out.Phil, help me saddle my horse, will ya?Well, look who's suddenly needed by his father-in-law. Phyllis.Phil --is.Hey, uncle Mitch. Whatcha doing?Oh, hey.Just -- just thinkin'.You know, I've been meaning to tell you,you're a super fun uncle.And I'm saying this as a boy.Uncle Cameron sent you over here, didn't he?What? That's hilarious.No, I love how you and me can joke like this.Okay, Luke, look, i don't know how much Cam told you, but I don't think this is a problemthat you can help me with. It's...Okay, good. I've got my own problem.What? What's that?Can you keep a secret?I kept a pretty big one for 22 years, so...I've got this new firecracker,and I can't decide what to blow up.Oh, Luke, that's dangerous.I know. That's what's fun about it.I don't get boys.What is so great about destroying things?It turns stuff into flying chunks of stuff.Okay, no. No, g-give it to me. Come on.fine.I take it back. You're not that fun.All right, hey, look, um,we'll do it together, all right?You just made the best decision of your life.Damn it!Buttercup! What the hell's wrong with this horse? Jay.I want to talk to you aboutthat son-in-law crack you made at breakfast.- Oh, I didn't mean anything by that. - I think you did.I get that I wasn't your first choice to marry Claire, but it's been 18 years, and there hasn't been a day when I wasn't a loyal husband to your daughterand a great dad to your grandkids.So if we've still got a problem, now it's your problem. Phil, wait up.Let me ask you something, man to man.Okay.You notice anything funny about the --Hank character and, uh...Gloria?Yeah, he's hitting on her. Why?I knew it.Where are you going?Destiny ridge.Buttercup, ha!Buttercup, hiya!Seriously?Okay. Okay, it's clear.After this, we're gonna have some angry birds. Yeah.It's gonna be "Bye Bye Birdie."It's a big musical from the '60s.No. Forget it. What you said.Okay.Okay, go.That's it?I'm sorry, buddy.I brought that thing all the way from...Cam, I did a boy thing! I blew up the birdhouse!You should have seen it. It was so awesome.That's great!Yeah. I think I can do this.I mean, maybe not everything and maybe not right away, - and not the Three Stooges... - No.I do. I want a son.I'm sorry I panicked.Oh, that's great.Now maybe we can go back to taking pictures for the book. Yes! Pictures of me blowing up stuff!Okay, I see we've overcorrected.I know you think I'm the mean momwho wouldn't let you marry your boyfriend,but someday you're gonna realize,I did what had to be done.No, you didn't. I was never gonna marry Dylan.I told him no.Oh, you did? Thank god.But it was my proposal to turn down.You know, you keep telling me to act like an adult,but then you don't even give me a chance.Oh. You sort of got me there.But, sweetheart, I don't expect you to understand this.I certainly didn't when I was your age.I look at you as my baby, and I always will.It's just what moms do.I'm not a baby anymore!Okay? And I am never gonna see Dylan again!Dylan!Dylan!What?!Where are you?!Wyoming!You're okay!I had the craziest night.When you rejected me, I felt lost and scared.And then I went out on a walk,and I felt a whole different kind of lost and scared.And then I fell asleep in the stable.And when I woke up, I met this woman named Jakewho's strong like a man.Then we had this long talk, and he/she hired me.Uh, what do you mean, she hired you?I work here now.So you're staying?- Yeah. - What about us?It could never work. We're from two different worlds.You're a high school student,and I'm a ranch hand.I'm just--I'm so glad you're okay. I really am.Thanks. But we're not supposed to fraternize with the guests.Okay.Dylan!Dylan!You got a voice like a meadowlark, don't ya?Dylan!Yeah, I sure am worried about that kid.Dylan!He ain't down there.Oh, come on now. You come up here for the cowboy experience. You're looking at him.Do I look like the kind of woman that would cheat on her husband? Yes.Really?Hey! I think you better move away from that woman.Only we touch our women when they don't want us to.Easy. Easy there, friend.I wasn't hitting on this filly.This is all part of the package.If I didn't play the bad guy,he wouldn't get to ride up and be the big hero.He doesn't need you to make him a hero.He's a hero every day.Why don't you do us all a favor? Get back on your horse,ride down to the lodge and tell 'em--Can you keep him still?- I'm trying to make a point. - I am.Okay. Okay, I'm gone.Ma'am.Wait. Wait.There's something I wanna say to you.I will only be checking "somewhat satisfied"- on our comment card. - Jeez.I mean, he was great with the kids.I looked it up.The distance between our houses is 2,443 miles. Yeah, but, you know, on some maps,it's like--pfft! this big.God, you're stupid.All in all, it was a great vacation.We may have lost a man...But out there on the range, under that great big sky, we found a part of ourselves we never knew was there, just like the horny cowboy said we would.No.Fine.。

Hey, sir. Duane Bailey, running for, uh, 你好先生我是杜恩·贝利town council reelection. 准备参加镇议员改选- Oh, don't look. There's that jerk Duane Bailey. - Oh, yuck. -别看是杜恩·贝利那个混蛋 -唉真衰I should say something to him, shouldn't I? 你说我是不是该损损他I gotta be honest, I was just walking off your tone. 实话说我刚刚只是妇唱夫随Who's Duane Bailey and why do we hate him? 杜恩·贝利是谁我们为什么要恨人家啊Honey, he's that councilman who shot down my stop sign. 亲爱的他就是否决我停车牌议案的那货- Big phony - Yeah. -傻大缺 -没错Hey! Duane Bailey seeking reelection town council. 你好我是杜恩·贝利竞选市议员连任Hope I can count on your vote. 希望你能投我一票哦Well, you just got it. 好啊我一定投你You don't remember meeting me,do you. 你不记得见过我是吧Claire Dunphy,last month town council meeting. 克莱尔·邓菲上个月镇会议上见过Oh, yes I do. 哦当然Yes I remember you. 我当然记得你I want a stop sign. 给姐个停车牌Just having fun. Here, have a pen. 开个玩笑啦来拿支笔吧"Duane bailey. 杜恩·贝利"Duane bailey. [哈巴小猎犬哈巴犬和小猎犬的杂交品种]Councilman. Citizen. Puggle breeder." 忠诚议员良好市民哈巴小猎犬爱好者I love them. 我爱哈巴小猎犬Because they're a different mix of breeds, 因为那是种族大融合的产物just like America. 恰似美利坚合众国I like what he's saying, Claire. 我很赞同他的话克莱尔- He isn't saying anything. - Look at his... -他说的完全狗屁不通 -看这个We need a stop sign at our intersection. 我家路口需要立个停车牌Everyone says that, 谁都想立停车牌But pretty soon, 若是听之任之we're stopping at every single corner. 我们就要"转角遇到停车牌"了Why don't you go ask Canada how that's working out? 加拿大倒是停车牌遍布在那儿开车多悲剧啊- He nailed it. - Hi. Duane bailey. Hi. -他真有才 -你好我是杜恩·贝利"Actor/writer/director who packs a punch." 身兼演员编剧导演铁拳勇猛谁敢争先- Oh, sylvester Stallone. - Sylvester Stallone. -是席尔维斯特·史泰龙 -席尔维斯特·史泰龙I said it first. 我先说的Oh, my god. 我的天啊This guy brought his kids, Mitchell. 这人居然带孩子来米奇尔What, to this movie? Isn't it supposed to be super violent? 让孩子看这影片这片子可是暴力无下限啊I'm sorry. I don't mean to overstep, but I don't know 抱歉我不是想多管闲事但是that this movie is really appropriate for children. 这部电影好像有点"少儿不宜"吧I'm terrified to see it. That's why we're here during the day. 我都不敢看所以我们才挑白天来It's okay. We're good. 没事我们受得了Okay. 好吧I tried. 我尽力了Yeah. All you can do. 是啊尽你所能了You know, I've--I've read this book, 知道吗我读过原著的And I know what's gonna happen, and it's very disturbing. 知道大致剧情的确很可怕I really think you might be inviting 我觉得您这是自找罪受some pretty serious nightmares here. 想晚上做噩梦吧Hey, buddy, they're my kids. I got it. 兄弟听好我的孩子我做主Yeah, but I don't think you do. 是吗我可不觉得Cam. Cam. He says he's got it, all right? 小卡小卡他说了他做主You said your piece. Just watch the movie. 你仁至义尽了好好看电影吧Oh, uh, Gwyneth Paltrow. 是格温妮丝·帕特洛- I really must insist you not traumatize your kids... - Cam. -您真不该毒害您的孩子... -小卡- by exposing them to gratuitous violence... - Stop it. Shh! -不该让他们过早接触暴力影片 -别说了- and graphic depictions of-- - Daddy, I'm scared. -以及血腥影像 -爸爸我吓到了Yeah, well, you're gonna be. 是啊待会儿更吓死你I'm gonna tell you one more time. 我最后警告你一次- No, I'm gonna tell you one more time. - Okay. -不是我最后警告你一次 -好了It was "The Muppet" Movie. 人家看的电影是《布偶》We were in the wrong theater. 我们进错放映厅了Enjoy the show. I was always a fan of the Muppets, 好好看哦我一直都很喜欢布偶系列的Especially the two guys in the theater 尤其是那两个在剧场- who wouldn't shut up. - Just leave. -喋喋不休的"好人" -赶紧走- Hello? - I'm running late. -喂 -我要晚一点了This knucklehead's kept me waiting for over an hour. 那傻缺让我等了一个多小时I never had to wait like this when his dad was running things. 他爸当权的时候都没让我等这么久Yeah. 是啊And soda was a nickel. 改朝换代政策变Just tell them that your family is coming over. 直接告诉他你家人要来参加家庭聚会This guy fired his own father. 那货把他老爸都给炒了He's not gonna care about my family. 他才不会鸟我的什么家人呢Okay, then just leave. 那你就直接走呗You don't need his money. 你又不需要他的钱Once a week, I have eight family members 每个礼拜都有八张嘴coming to my house for free food. 来咱家白吃白喝I'm not going anywhere. 我走不起Okay. I see you when I see you. 行那就回家再见吧Are you okay? What is wrong? 你怎么了出什么事了吗I want to be homeschooled. 我真想在家自学Really, Manny? Do you want me to learn you English? 当真吗曼尼你想让我"学"你英语吗What is going on? 到底怎么了I have a big report due, 有份报告要做And the teachers don't seem to care about the substance. 但老师根本不在乎文章内容All they care about is the flash. 他们只重视花巧外表Manny, sometimes you can be a little bit old-fashioned. 曼尼啊有时候你有点守旧Remember the first time 还记得你第一次you saw the kids with the backpacks with wheels 看见小朋友用滑轮背包时and you thought they were too flashy? 你还觉得太花哨You're going to school, not boarding a flight to Denver. 我是去上学又不是游轮丹佛行It's getting absurd. 真是荒谬Reuben freestyle-rapped his report on Irish immigrants. 雷本那篇爱尔兰移民研究报告纯属东拼西凑That doesn't even make sense. 那东西根本狗屁不通Maybe you do a Riverdance. Maybe. 即便他跳了个大河之舞又怎样- What is your report on? - The Mafia. -报告是什么主题 -黑手党Perfect. We do a papier-mache Tommy gun. 太好了我们做个冲锋枪纸模Oh, no. We shouldn't have to jazz it up. 不我们不搞那些花里胡哨的Okay, then we go upstairs and we get your old rocking horse 那好我们去楼上把你的旧木马拿来and we chop the head off. 斩首示众No, that's a terrible idea. I love Brownie! 不太残忍了我喜欢布朗尼Do you want to send a message or not? 你到底想不想"杀马震师"啊Jay never wants me to help him with his business, 杰从不让我插手他的生意And now suddenly, manny doesn't want to listen to me either. 突然间曼尼也不听我的话了It's very frustrating. 真让老娘郁闷啊I have all the answers. 老娘可是万事通Hey! There he is. 嘿你来了- Bring it in , Jay. How you doing, Joshie? -快进来杰 -你好吗乔小希- It's Josh now. - Have a seat. -还是叫我乔希吧 -请坐Ah, all right. 那好So I flipped through your proposal, 我大概看了一下你的方案And here's the thing-- 是这样...We're about to build our largest luxury condo complex yet. 我们的超规模豪华复合式公寓开建在即And I have an important question for you-- 有个重要的问题要问你what is it you want to build? 你想要构筑什么Closets. 壁橱See, I was kinda hoping you'd say "Dreams." 你看我指望你会说"构筑梦想"呢I thought that was implied. 我暗含那个意思Jay, I'm looking for closets nobody's ever seen before, 杰我的壁橱可要是空前绝后的You know, a big "Wow!" 惊艳之作You know what I'm saying? 明白我的意思吗You want a nice closet with sharp design, 你追求的是上好的壁橱quality materials, and expert craftsmanship. 要设计新锐质量上乘做工精湛Uh, I mean, I want it to be like, bam! 不止如此我还要它举世皆惊You know, people are gonna walk in there and go 大家走进来然后说"Whoa! What do I hang first?" "哇先挂哪件好呢"I wanted to hang myself. 先挂了我吧Yeah, let's talk more specific. 谈点详细的吧What exactly do you like and what don't you like? 您的喜厌好恶到底怎样All right, fair enough. Uh... 好吧有道理I don't like this. This makes me sad. 我不喜欢谈细节很不爽I do like getting my mind blown. 我喜欢奇思妙想I love your enthusiasm. 你的狂热我很欣赏Uh, before I go off in the wrong direction, 为免我思路偏差不合你意How about an example? 给个例子行吗All right, check this out. 好吧听着So, like, three weeks ago, I'm down in South Beach. 三周前我去南部海滩度假I walk into this thumpin' club. 我走进摇滚俱乐部Bartender says, "What do you wanna drink?" 酒保问我"你要喝什么"I say, "Wow me." 我说"给我个惊喜"He mixes this thing together. I take one sip, 他调了杯酒我就喝了一小口and I'm like, "Hello, nurse!" 再醒来时我说"护士姐姐好"And she's like, "You've been unconscious for two days." 护士告诉我 "你已经昏迷两天了" That's what I want in a closet. 我的壁橱要的就是这个感觉I don't think I need to hear any more. 我想我不需要再听了Whatcha doing there? Homework? 你干啥呢做作业吗What do you want? 有话快说I need to borrow some money. It's really important. 我想借点钱江湖救急How much? 借多少$900. 900美元What?! 什么Come on. If you were in trouble, 拜托了如果你遇到困难I would do anything for you. 我会倾囊相助的We're not just sisters. 我们是姐妹以上We're best friends. 闺蜜已满啊Look, I would if I could, 不是我不帮but I don't have any money. 我是真的没钱啊And since we're talking, 既然话都说开了I never told anyone this before, and it... 我就老实说吧那谁谁...wipe that smug smile off his stupid face. 别蠢脸堆笑充市花了His face is stupid. 他那张脸是够蠢Oh! I can't believe ridiculous people like him end up in office. 这种跳梁小丑竟能当上公务员Well, why don't you run? 你为什么不参选呢You're smart, you care about the community, 你聪明过人关爱社区and you're easy on the eyes when you put a little effort into it. 稍微打扮下也蛮有红颜铁娘子风范- Are you serious? - Yeah, you know, -说真的吗 -是啊maybe change out of the sweaty gym clothes every once in while.别整天穿着汗湿的运动装就行I thought you were talking about running for office. 我知道你是问参选那句吗Go on. 接着说I'd be lying if I said I'd never thought about it. 说没想过肯定是骗人I mean, I know it's a ridiculous little local thing, 我知道那只是个芝麻官but it might be fun to get out there and contribute. 但踏出家门奉献市民也未尝不好Plus I think I'd be good at it. 再说我觉得自己能够胜任- You'd be great. - Mm. How would this work? -你一定很出色 -但如何能行呢I mean, who would be here for the kids after school? 孩子放学后谁照顾Who would take them to practice and recitals 谁带他们去排练去朗诵会and keep them from burning the house down? 阻止他们上房揭瓦呢It must be so hard being a single mom. "单亲妈妈"真心不容易Claire, I will. 克莱尔有你老公在呢If you wanna fly, 如果你想高飞I'm not gonna hold your feet to the ground. Hmm. 我绝不扯你后腿I wanna be the one to push you off the cliff. 我会助力一臂推你离地I think I'm gonna do it. 我决定了Great. 很好- Go fly. - Phil. -飞吧 -菲尔- No. - Oh, phil! -天啊 -菲尔I'll admit it. I'm turned on by powerful women-- 我得承认我就是女强人控Michelle Obama, Oprah, Condoleezza Rice, 米歇尔·奥巴马奥普拉康多莉扎·赖斯Serena Williams-- 塞雷娜·威廉姆斯[小威廉姆斯]Wait a minute. 慢着不对[菲尔提到的都是黑人]- Do you want a fry? - No, I can't eat. -要吃薯条吗 -不要我吃不下We should've stayed and seen "The Muppets." 我们还不如留下来看《布偶》I can't even look at ketchup without seeing blood. 我现在一看番茄酱还觉得满目血腥Ooh, runaway curly fry. You know these are good luck. 漏网卷薯条好运的象征- Oh, my god. What was that? - We just got rear-ended. -天啊怎么回事 -追尾了Oh, pull off to the side street. Pull off to the side street. 靠边停车靠边停车- Are you okay? - Oh, I think I cut the roof of my mouth on the straw. -你还好吗 -上牙膛被吸管划破了- Oh, my god. Mm! - So yes. -我的老天 -所以说没事咯Oh, boy. 天啊I am so sorry. This is all my fault. 真抱歉都是我的错Are you guys okay? 你们还好吗W-well, I-I sustained a minor mouth injury. 我嘴里受了点小伤We're fine. Thank you. It's... 我们没事谢谢Look, I feel terrible. 我真过意不去Um, don't worry. I'm gonna take care of everything. 别担心我来处理这件事Let me just get my insurance info. 我去拿保险单Okay. Thank you. 好的谢谢Well, he seems nice. 这个人不错啊You know, if this were a romantic comedy, 按浪漫喜剧片标准情节this would be our meet cute. 这就是我和他的意外邂逅We'd spend the rest of the afternoon 我们一起打发这个午后drinking wine, eating food, 喝喝小酒吃点小饭flying a kite, you know, doing montage-y stuff. 放风筝此处蒙太奇慢放Yeah, am I in this movie of yours? 我在你的电影里吗Yeah, you're the gay best friend. 在啊你是我的"盖蜜"- Oh, my god! - Oh, my god! We have a runner! -我的天 -我的天这货逃逸了Um, it's d-w-y-- I can't read it. 车牌是D W Y 我看不清了- Come on! Let's go! Let's go! - Go where? -快点跑啊 -跑去哪- We have to chase him down! - No, we're not supposed to do that! -我们得去追他 -不能这么做Help! Stop that car! 来人啊拦住那辆车He's getting away! Help! 他逃逸了来人啊Yeah, you almost got him, Cam. You almost got him. 马上就追到了小卡马上就追到了He's getting away! 他逃逸了Whatcha doing? Playing? 你干啥呢玩游戏吗Yeah. 是啊Do you have any money saved up? 你有存私房钱吗I'm comfortable. 小康生活吧I've saved $1,217. 我攒了1217美元It wasn't even that hard. 不费吹灰之力Don't forget your lunch. 别忘了带午餐Thanks, mom. 谢了老妈Don't forget your lunch money, buddy. 午餐钱拿好兄弟Thanks, dad. 谢了老爸You bet. 那当然Please. It's really important. 求你了我真是急需用钱Look, I'd love to help you out, 我是真想帮你but I'm not very liquid right now. 可我最近周转不灵It's in a block of ice. 钱都冻在冰砖里了I got the idea 我听说过when I heard about rich guys with frozen assets. 有钱人"冻结资产"的事灵光一现Assets. 资产啊I am running for town council, 我准备参选市政议员and I understand that I can pick up a form here. 申请表是在这领吧Fourth floor. 去4楼Elevator down the hall. 电梯在大厅那边Beyonce, when'd you start working here? 碧昂丝你怎么来这上班了Oh, Duane. He's always saying stuff like that. 又是杜恩他老说这些俏皮话Duane Bailey. Running for reelection. 我是杜恩·贝利正在竞选连任You're joking. 真是贵人多忘事I just saw you in the parking lot two hours ago. 我们两小时前才在停车场见过Oh, hey. It's you! 原来是你啊Oh, it's you. 怎么是你啊What... Are you doing here? 你来这儿干嘛I am entering the race for town council, 我也要参加镇议会的选举and I am running against you. 我要和你唱对台戏Oh. Well, don't you have pluck. 好吧真是勇气可嘉No, I plan on winning, so... 不我志在必得所以Oh, yeah, I bet you do. 我猜你就这么想Marcia! Rocking the bangs! Love it. 玛莎打扮得不错啊爱死了Do you know why, of all the dogs in the world, 你知道吗为何世上小狗千千万I breed puggles? 我独爱哈巴小猎犬Why do I feel like this is a rhetorical question, 我怎么感觉你又要借物喻人了- And you're about to l-- - It's because they're lovable, yes, -接着你就要 -因为他们不光讨人爱but they're also tenacious hunters who won't quit 还是顽强的猎手不咬死猎物until the kill is complete. 誓不罢休Really? 'cause I feel like they just yip a lot. 真的吗我倒是觉得他们老是汪个不停Look, lady, you're going down. 女士你会一败涂地的I've won six straight elections. 我六次选举一路全胜I don't plan on losing to some bored housewife, 我可不会输给居里闲人so don't quit your lack of a day job. 接着当主妇吧小心失业Excuse me! 你给我站住Excuse me! 你给我站住Excuse me. 您请等一下Hello? 喂Anne. 是安妮啊Haley did that? 海莉真干得出来Oh, god. Okay. Um... 天啊好吧I'll call you right back. 我一会再打给你For your information, sir, 您有必要知道先生I am no bored housewife. 我才不是居里闲人No, I-I would kill for "Bored." Why isn't this lighting up? 我是想闲闲不下来呢指示灯怎么还不亮Oh, it's because it's, uh, staff only. 因为这是员工专用Yeah. 没错Here. Allow me to... 来请允许我Not get that for you. 不为你效劳了Good luck! 祝你好运Dad, I cut my arm. 老爸我把胳膊划伤了Oh, wow. You sure did, buddy. 划得够深的呀老弟I'll get you fixed up. 我来帮你处理Where's mom? 老妈去哪儿了She belongs to the people now. 她现在属于人民群众了My allergies are acting up again. 我的过敏症又犯了Well, it is your lucky day, 今天你走运了Because, missy, 因为呢小姐Dr. Dad has everything you need. 医生老爹应有尽有Behold the healing powers of grape flavoring. 瞧这葡萄味灵丹圣水的魔力吧Where's mom? 妈妈去哪儿了Some people took her. 她移情别"人"了Drink this. 喝了Listen, guys, your mom is taking on more responsibilities 孩子们你妈妈现在除了家务之外outside of the... house, 还另有职责But don't you worry. 不过别担心Good old... Dad-- oh, my goodness! 金牌奶爸全我的妈呀I'm so sorry! 对不起You punched me! 你打到我了Dad, you gave me the drowsy kind. 爸你给我的是催睡型的There's a drowsy kind?! 过敏药还有催睡型的吗I have to study for a test! 我还要复习备考呢Oh! It really hurts! 真的好痛啊- Well, I'll get you some ice. - No. No, no, no. -我帮你找点冰块 -别别别I'll get it. 我自己来吧Oh, you made it. How was it? 你总算赶上了事情办得怎么样Why? What's wrong, babe? 怎么了出什么事了亲爱的- I don't want to talk about it. - Do it anyways. -我不想说这个 -说来听听嘛Uh, this stupid kid's been in the business about ten minutes. 那倒霉孩子十分钟就把我打发了He barely looks at my proposal, 他基本上没看我的方案and he says he wants more "Wow." 还说他想要"惊艳之作"What does he mean by more "Wow"? 他所谓的"惊艳"是什么It's the "Bieber-ization" of America. 是种典型"比伯式"美化说法It's the "Bieber-ization" of America. [水獭音似比伯著名正太歌手Justin Bieber]What do beavers have to do with anything? 关水獭什么事The beavers--they build the dams all over the country 水獭啊他们全国到处修水坝so there's no floods, 使美国免遭洪灾is the "Beaver-ization" Of the Americas. 这就是美国的水獭化I'm finding there's less and less we can talk about. 我们之间的共同语言越来越少So why didn't you tell him 那你怎么不告诉他that you've been in the business for such a long time-- 你干这行经验丰富It's not gonna make any difference. 说了也没用He wants to make a change. 他一心想要改革And I got a factory full of people depending on this. 全工厂上下都要靠这个单子养活- Yeah, but maybe if you tell him that -- - Gloria, please. -不然你就告诉他 -拜托歌洛莉亚I-I-I've had a tough day. 我今天很不顺Can we please not talk about it? 先不谈这事了好吗But I want to help. 可人家想帮你嘛Trust me. I wish you had the answers. 相信我我倒希望你能帮上忙I do! 我能的- Hey, guys. - Hey, grandpa. -各位 -外公好- Hey, Jay. - What's with her? -你好啊杰 -她怎么了Just tired. Growth spurt. 只是困了青春期嗜睡- Hi, guys. - Hi, baby girl. -大家好啊 -嗨小姑娘Hola, Lily. How are you? 莉莉你好嘛Dads are fighting. 大爸二爸吵架了No, uh, we're not fighting. 没有我们没吵架No, not at all, honey. 宝贝绝对没有No. Okay, uh, go play, sweetheart. Okay? 没吵架宝贝玩去吧好吗Let's go play with some blocks. Let's go stack some blocks. 我们玩积木去吧堆积木去All right. Okay, the reason we're fighting 好吧我们之所以吵架是因为All right. Okay, the reason we're fighting [克林特·伊斯特伍德饰演的硬汉角色]is 'cause this one thinks he's dirty Harry. 他竟然自以为是警探哈里Having a hard time picturing Clint Eastwood in that shirt.真难想象伊斯特伍德穿你身上那样的丑衬衫Okay, let me ask you something. 好我问问你Today, at a stoplight, a guy ran into our car, 今天有个家伙在红灯时撞了我们的车and then just took off. 然后肇事潜逃I wanted to chase after him. Mitchell... 我想去追他而米奇尔kept a level head and called the police. 很淡定地报了警Pfft. Police. Aren't they too busy winning the war on drugs? 切警察他们不都忙着扫黄禁药吗Okay, so which one of us did the right thing? 你们评评理我们俩谁的处理方法正确Hit and run. Gotta chase him down. 肇事逃逸必须追捕I chase the people all the time. 我成天就追着人跑No. No. That's--that's irresponsible and dangerous. 不不那样既不负责任又危险Okay, well, what if he had been armed? 好吧要是他有枪怎么办He wasn't armed. He had a Hillary bumper sticker. 他车尾贴着希拉里的头像肯定是个禁枪派This isn't an isolated incident. 不只这一回This morning he flipped out at somebody at the muppet movie.今早他看布偶电影时还冲别人发疯You saw the muppet movie without me? 你们撇下我去看布偶电影吗Oh, no. 不是的No, honey. Just the first two numbers. 宝贝不是的我们是进错影厅看错片了No, lily. Wait. 莉莉不是的Hi. Hi. Hi. Phil, where are you, honey? 大家好菲尔你在哪儿宝贝I need to talk to you. Do you know what our daughter did? 有事跟你谈你知道咱女儿闯什么祸了吗Nothing. She's fine. She's reading. 没啥她很好在看书呢No, not her. Haley. Haley! 不是她是海莉海莉给我出来- Come over here. I want to talk to you. -There she is. -过来我有话问你 -她在这儿呢Not a scratch on her. 没缺胳膊少腿Do you have something you want to say to us? 你有什么要告诉我们的吗- Uh... - Mm... Let me help you out here. -这个... -让我帮你说吧Fake ID's? 伪造身份证- What?! - Mm-hmm. -什么 -正是Haley tried to get her and her friends some fake ID's. 海莉想给自己和她朋友弄些假身份证I wasn't gonna use them for drinking. 我买假身份证不是为了买酒We just wanted to get into this club to see a band. 我们只是想去酒吧看场乐队表演She took a bunch of money from them and then she lost it. 她收了他们一笔钱然后弄丢了- How much? - $900. -多少钱啊 -900美元- Oh, my god! Oh! - You're kidding me! -我的天 -开什么玩笑It's not my fault! 真不怨我I gave money to this guy. He's the one who ripped us off. 我把钱给了那家伙他把我们给忽悠了What happened to your face? 你的脸怎么了- Oh. I ran into a door. - Yeah. -噢我撞门上了 -是啊- What happened to your face? - Dad hit me. -你的脸怎么了 -老爸打的It was an accident. 纯属意外- Phil! - I was trying to open up a band-aid! -菲尔 -我当时是想撕开创可贴What's wrong with her? 她怎么了- Growth spurt. - What's wrong with her? -青春期嗜睡吧 -到底怎么了- I drugged her. - Phil! -我给她下药了 -菲尔I accidentally gave her the nighttime allergy medicine. 我不小心给她吃了夜间服用的过敏药Mm. All right, one thing at a time. 好吧先一桩桩的来Haley, how are you going to repay your friends? 海莉你打算如何把钱还给你朋友I don't know. 我不知道I know. You go there with a couple of guys-- 我知道你带上几个弟兄去找他She's gotta get the money back. Who is this kid? 她会把钱拿回来的那小鬼是谁A guy at school's cousin's friend. He lives in Gardena. 是我同学表哥的朋友他住在加迪纳Well, if you know where he lives, just call the police. 知道他的老巢在哪儿还不简单报警就是了No cops. We can't afford a scandal right now. 不能报警咱家现在不能有丑闻Claire's running for town council. 克莱尔要竞选镇议员呢That was before, 那是之前when I thought you could take care of the children. 我以为你能照顾好孩子们I take my eye off the ball for one minute, 我就一小会儿没盯着孩子and I've got one in a coma, one with a black eye, 他们就一个倒地不起一个变熊猫眼and one running a crime ring. 还有一个在组织犯罪团伙Well, to be fair, Haley started her crime ring 说句公道话海莉的"小犯罪团伙"when your eye was still on the ball. 早在你盯着的时候就已经开始形成了It's not a crime ring. 那可不是犯罪团伙I just gotta get my hands on that $900. 我就是想拿回我那九百元I know how the mafia would handle this. 我知道黑手党一般怎么解决这事儿The kid is right. I'm sick of these smart-ass punks 孩子说得对我最讨厌那些小混混who keep changing the rules 出尔反尔乱了道上规矩and think they can get away with anything they want. 目中无人自以为凌驾一切I'm gonna pay this guy a visit. 我要去会会那家伙Haley, text me his address. 海莉把他地址发给我- I'm going with you. - Me, too. -我和你一起去 -我也去Oh, no. No. Nobody's going anywhere. 不不谁也不能去Okay, we're not vigilantes. 咱又不是治安队的Shotgun! 带上枪No! No weapons! 不别抄家伙啊In my country, it is tradition 按我老家的传统when the men are out seeking vengeance, 当男人出门寻仇时The women--they stay home, and they drink. 女人们就在家喝酒Sometimes I think you just make this stuff up. 有时我觉得你纯粹是胡编乱造的- Do you want a drink or not? - Oh, yeah. -你到底要不要来一瓶 -乐意至极So what happened? 到底是怎么回事You were running for office, and now you're not? 你本来要去竞选现在又不干了吗Mm. I don't really want to talk about that. 我不太想谈这个I know. I am sick and tired of no one needing my help. 我就知道我受够不被人需要的感觉了You are going to tell me what is wrong, 你得告诉我出什么岔子了and I'm gonna give you the right answer, 而我会告诉你怎么解决because I have all of them. 因为我是万事通So why are you not running for office? 说你怎么又不去竞选了Because my family needs me too much. 因为我的家人缺了我不行You saw what just happened. 你刚也看到我们家的各种乱子了Why are you not running for office? 你怎么又不去竞选了That doesn't work on me. 这招对我可没用Why are you not running for office?! 你怎么又不去竞选Because I don't want to lose! 因为我不想输I--pfft! 我靠I haven't done anything outside of my house in 18 years. 我已经18年没在外工作了I don't want the first thing I do to be a complete failure. 我不想我干的第一件事就一败涂地Okay. 好吧I'm gonna tell you a story about a little girl 我要给你讲个小女孩的故事who entered a beauty pageant... 她去参加一次选美even though she was very, very scared that she was going to lose. 尽管她非常非常害怕失败Let me guess. You won. 让我猜猜你赢了Of course I won, 我当然赢了But I was talking about my cousin Maria Conchita. 但我说的是我表妹玛丽亚·肯奇塔She had a nose like a toucan. 她鼻子大得像巨嘴鸟She stuffed her body in this bikini. 非得把身体塞进比基尼里And at the end, she finished dead last. 最后她光荣牺牲了How is that a good story? 这故事的启迪作用在哪儿Because she faced her fears, and it didn't kill her. 因为她直面恐惧没被恐惧吓死What killed her two weeks later was a bus. 她是两周后被一辆公交车撞死的Are you serious? 有没有搞错啊你Yes, because she couldn't see anything coming with that big nose. 她那鼻子太大了挡视线没看见车碾过来This guy has won six elections. 我的竞争对手赢过6次选举I am way out of my league. 我真是力不从心Look, I don't know anything about this guy, 听着我不了解你那竞争对手But I know that you're a tough lady, 但我知道你是个女强人and I come from a family of tough ladies. 姐姐我从小就是在女强人家吓大的And I have to say, sometimes you scare me a little bit. 我必须承认有时你的霸气绝对吓到我And I know that you're strong enough to win 所以我坚信你必胜And definitely strong enough to be okay if you lose. 就算输了也会一笑而过I scare you? 我有吓到你Are you kidding me? 那还用说I want thanksgiving at my house! 今年感恩节要在老娘家过[上季剧情]Why does everybody think I talk like that? 为何人人都觉得我说话就是那样的This is it. 就是这儿了W-w-wait. No, no. Come on. Do we have a plan? 等等别急我们有作战计划吗It doesn't seem like we have a plan. 貌似没计划好吧Yeah, I got a plan. Either he gives us the money, 哥有计划那小兔崽子要是不还钱Yeah, I got a plan. Either he gives us the money, [原指一个双人歌唱组合]Or he gets a private performance from England Dan and John Ford Coley.就让他尝尝哥的哼哼哈嘿双截棍That's not a good plan. That's not even a good band. 你那算毛的好计划啊那乐队本身就烂死了If all you're gonna do is criticize, just wait by the car. 你要是只想唧唧歪歪还是在车里等着吧Okay, fine. 好吧I'll see you in jail. 等我去探监你们吧It's gonna be a big adjustment for two of you. 你俩可得花一大笔保释金-Yeah? -You peter? -什么事 -你是皮特吗What do you want? 有何贵干。

Okay, let's see... 好我看看...Oh, could, you grab me an extra virgin... 帮我去拿一瓶特级初榨[处女]I think one's enough for the sacrifice. 我觉得有一个作为祭品就够了Olive oil, Phil. 橄榄油菲尔Come on. That's funny. 笑一个多逗啊Oh, it's funnier than your freestyle "Sandwich rap." 确实比你的三明治说唱好笑Girl, you crazy. 姑娘你个疯子I'm mad fun to shop with. 跟我一起购物最有趣了Trapped in between two whole wheat slices. 徘徊在两个全麦面粉货架之间Pastrami and swiss are my only vices. 唯五香熏牛肉和芝士与我相伴Sweetie, my shoe. Come on. Jesus. God. 亲爱的我的鞋看着点真是的Hello. 你好Hi. 你好Oh, roadblock. 路障- Beep beep! - Pardon me. -哔哔哔 -不好意思Are you okay? 你没事吧Actually, not okay. 事实上有事Not okay. 事儿大了Honey, did you pull from the bottom again? 亲爱的你是不是又从底下抽罐头了So after hors d'oeuvres, 开胃菜之后We'll bring everyone in here to share the news. 我们把大家召集到客厅宣布这个消息We're having the family over tomorrow night 我们叫全家人明晚过来聚餐to tell them we're planning on adopting a new baby. 告诉大家我们打算再收养一个小孩Yes, and we both agreed 是的而且我们都同意to--to go a little more low-key with the announcement this time.这次选择低调一点的方式宣布这个消息*Let's hear it for the boy ... 来听听爱子的声音吧*Okay, just to be clear, this is low-key? 我就问问清楚这是低调吗It's a banner 就一条横幅And just some light musical accompaniment, Mitchell. 还有些轻音乐伴奏米奇尔I don't have a lower key. 我不能再低调了Besides, this is a happy occasion. 再说了这是个欢乐的场合Am I right, lily? 对吧莉莉Aren't you excited to get a new baby brother? 你马上就有个弟弟了是不是很开心No! I hate the baby! 不我讨厌宝宝We are having a slight issue 我们遇到了一点小问题getting Lily on board with the adoption. 暂时尚未说服莉莉同意我们收养个儿子"I hate the baby." "我讨厌宝宝""No new baby." "不要新宝宝""I wanna make the baby dead." "我想弄死那宝宝"I thought we weren't gonna share that one. 我们不是说好了不提这句的吗I-I-I just hope that the problem is 我我我只是希望问题出在she hasn't spent much time with any babies. 她只是跟其他小孩相处太少了So we thought it would be a great idea 所以我们想了个好主意to show her how much fun it'll be to have one around. 如果有个孩子陪着她她就会知道多有乐趣了oh, he is so cute! 他真可爱Yeah, and he never cries. 是的他从不哭闹Literally never. It's actually a little weird. 真的是没哭过真是有点怪了Oh, no, that's not weird. 不这没什么My sister was born with a full set of teeth. 我姐姐出生时全部牙齿已经长齐了Yeah, that never happened. 乱说的没那回事No? Really? You should've seen her crib. 没你不信你该看看她的婴儿床It looked like beavers lived there. 就像是海狸睡过被咬的乱七八糟Oh, is this Lily? 这是莉莉吗oh, yes, it is. Hey, honey. Say hi to the baby. 对是她亲爱的跟小家伙问好My daddy! 这是我爸爸Okay, so that's one problem solved. 起码小孩儿不哭的问题是解决了Bye! See you soon! 再见再见Or never. 或者再也不见Cam, I'm a little freaked out about what Lily did. 小卡我有点被莉莉的举动吓坏了Oh, please. She barely touched him, 想太多了她都没怎么碰到他And he went from zero to big crybaby. 他就毫无缘由地大哭大闹We're talking about bringing another child into this house. 我们现在是要让这个家多个小成员How's that gonna work with Lily being so possessive of you?莉莉对你的占有欲这么强怎么能行Why am I hearing an accusatory tone? 我怎么听到指责的语气Oh, come on. You have to admit that you do coddle her. 拜托你得承认你对他过于溺爱了I will not apologize for loving our daughter. 我不会为爱我们的女儿而道歉I'm not criticizing. 我不是在批评你I'm not only criticizing, 我不只是在批评你But we did talk about giving Lily a little more independence.我的意思是我们要让莉莉更独立一些Yeah, which is why we put her in preschool. 没错所以我们才把她送去幼儿园的啊Yes, but you can't bear to leave her there. 对但你却舍不得把她留在那儿You always pick her up early. 你总是早早地去接她That is ridiculous. 没有的事Okay. Okay. 好好Lily, honey, 莉莉亲爱的Did daddy pick you up early from preschool today? 今天爸爸提前去幼儿园接你了吗No. 没有Case closed. "就此结案"We didn't go. 我根本没去上学Case opened. "重新立案"We went shopping. 我们去购物了That's enough. 好了好了We bought matchy hats. 我们买了父女帽you are going to your room. 你得回房去了You're both going to her room. 你也跟进去干嘛Do we spend a lot of time together? Yes. 我们常常黏在一起吗是的Do we have a special bond? Absolutely. 我们父女感情甚密吗当然But do I coddle her more than any other loving parent? 但说我过于溺爱她远超过其他慈母仁父It's possible. 也许是吧And for Lily's sake, I should probably work on that. 为了莉莉我应该少一点溺爱No, you calm down! 不你给我冷静This is how I talk when somebody accuses my Manny of stealing.有人指责我的曼尼偷东西我就这样说话- Who is that? - It's the principal. -是谁 -是校长He's saying that Manny stole some girl's locket. 他说曼尼偷了个什么女生的小吊坠What, do you think that all colombians are criminals, 你以为所有的哥伦比亚人都是罪犯because a colombian necktie 因为哥伦比亚领带is a symbol of violence all over the world? 在全球都是暴力的标志吗No, no, I'm not threatening you. 不不我不是在恐吓你Okay. Apology accepted. 好的我接受你的道歉No, I didn't mean anything about the necktie. 没有我提到领带并没有什么特殊意思I just--I was trying to make a point. 我只是我只是随便举个例子说说Could you "L." a little less "O.L." 你能不能笑得不那么大声Don't you see what I'm trying to do here? 你没看见我在干嘛吗Die alone? 孤独地死去吗Girls, dinner! 姑娘们吃饭了You know, why does Luke get his own room, 为什么卢克有自己的房间and I still have to share with you? I can't take it anymore. 我却要和你住一间我再也受不了了Me either, even if it is just for one more year... 我也是即使只还有一年而已when I leave for college. 到时我就去读大学It is one more year or when you leave for college? 是确定只忍受一年还是等你上大学的时候Because those happen to be two different things. 那完全两码事能不能上大学还不一定呢So I hear this little voice coming from the cans 我听到罐头堆中传来个小声音And it's like... 好像是在喊"Help! I fell in the peaches!" "救救我我被桃子淹没了"that's mom! 太是妈妈的风格了- Hilarious! - So hilarious. -太欢乐了 -绝对欢乐I'm like, "Claire?" 我想着是克莱尔在喊吗You might wanna tell them that it was you 也许你该告诉他们Who pushed me into the peaches in the first place. 是你把我推过去的This again? I wasn't even near you. 又来了我当时几乎都没靠近你Yes, you were! You knocked me with the cart. 不你就在我旁边你把我撞到推车上It was completely your fault. 那完完全全是你的错Well, let's just agree to disagree. 让我们求同存异行吗No. I-I disagree to disagree. 不行我现在全是"异见"Then you agree. 负负得正了No. No, I don't, because I'm right. 不不没有我是对的Okay, claire. You're right. 好吧克莱尔你是对的as usual. 一如往常- No, I am right. - like always. -不我就是对的 -一直都是Stop it. When I am wrong, I admit it. 行了如果我真错了我会承认的which is never. 从未发生Fine. Fine. 好吧好吧You're a little jumpy tonight, Manny. Anything wrong? 你今晚有点不正常啊曼尼出什么事了吗No. Well, I'm just gonna-- 没有我刚想Have a seat, kid. 孩子坐下You know, maybe it's me, 也许是我的错觉But I thought you were kinda squirrelly tonight, you know, 但我感觉你今天有点古怪Before when your mom was on the phone with the principal. 在你妈妈接到校长电话之前Almost like you wanted to say something... 我感觉你好像想说些什么but you just couldn't. 但你却说不出口anything you wanna say now, Manny? 现在有什么想说的吗曼尼No. I have nothing to say. 没有我没什么好说的You sure about that? 你确定Think real hard. 好好想想Could I get a glass of water? 我能喝杯水吗That girl's locket-- you took it, didn't you? 那个姑娘的小吊坠是你拿的对吧- Didn't you? - Yes.Yes, I took it. -对不对 -是的是我拿的- I didn't mean to. - I don't wanna hear any excuses. -我不是故意的 -我不想听你的借口You're gonna tell your mom, and you're gonna set this right. 你去告诉你妈妈然后把问题解决了Do you understand? 明白了吗All right, get out of here. 好的走吧Just one more thing. 还有一件事You're not, um... 你没有...You're not wearing that locket, are you? 你偷那个吊坠不是为了自己戴吧No. Of course not. 没有当然没有It's a girl's. Why would I want to wear it? 那是女孩戴的我干嘛要戴It's no reason. 我就随口一问Mom, hurry up! I don't want to be late for school. 妈妈快点我不想迟到You didn't tell her,did you? 你没告诉她是吧What's the hurry this morning? 为什么今早这么着急Okay, what's with the looks? 你们爷俩的表情是怎么回事It's like a silent movie in here. Okay. 就像在看默片一样I was walking behind this girl Alicia, who's moving away, 我跟在一个叫阿丽莎的姑娘后面她要搬家了And I was working up the courage to get her new address我好不容易鼓起勇气想要她的新地址So I can write her. 这样我就能给他写信了I express myself a lot better on paper than-- 我比较擅长用文字表达自己Ticktock, kid. 别太忽悠孩子Well, she dropped her locket, and I picked it up, 好吧她的吊坠掉了然后我就捡起来了But she kept walking, and I... 但是她一直在走我You stole the locket. 你偷了吊坠After I told the principal 我还告诉校长That you could have never done something like that, 你绝不会做出这样的事情And I threaten him with the colombian necktie! 我还用哥伦比亚领带威胁他Manny, why? 为什么曼尼Don't worry. It wasn't 'cause he wanted to wear it. 别担心他偷来不是因为自己想戴I thought I could keep it as something to remember her by. 我只是想留个纪念But then you were yelling at Mr. Vickers, 但是后来你冲着维克斯先生大喊And I-I was just too scared to tell you. 我就不敢告诉你了Go to the car. 上车- I'm really sorry. - Go. -我真的很抱歉 -快去Why would he do something like that? 他怎么会做出这样的事It's bad enough that he's the boy 他已经够怪异的了with the pan flute and the puffy shirts and--and the poems. 爱吹排笛体型臃肿没事儿就吟诗作对Now he's the jewelry thief. 现在还成了珠宝大盗Might be an upgrade. 已经算上升个等级了Ay, Jay, this is not funny. 杰这可不好笑Those things stick to you. 这种污点终生都洗不掉啊My cousin Rosa Marina-- 我表妹洛萨·玛丽娜When she was 14, she stole something, and after that, 她14岁的时候偷了东西从那之后Everybody thinks of her as the girl who steals cars. 所有人都把她当成是偷车贼She stole a car? 她偷了一辆车Cars. 不止一辆But after she got that label, what else could she do? 但她一旦被贴上那样的标签她还能干什么呢Listen, you can't control what kids think, 听着你不能控制孩子的想法But you can make sure he learns from this. 但是你能让他从这次的事件中得到教训You take him to the principal's office, 你带他去校长办公室He owns up to it, he never does it again. 他承认错误然后就不会再犯Okay. Okay. 好吧好吧But what was he thinking? 他是怎么想的This is not even real gold. 这都不是真金的No way, Haley! It was my idea! I'm taking this room! 不可能海莉这是我的主意我要这间Over my dead body! 痴心妄想This is going to be my room, 我要定了这间房And there's nothing you can do about it! 你连想也别想Seriously? 有点过吧What are you guys fighting about? 你们在吵什么Okay, so we both think 我们都觉得That this would make a totally awesome bedroom. 这里做卧室再合适不过了But only one of us can have it. 但只有一个人能拥有它Don't you think it should be me? 你不觉得应该是我吗Oh, so not. It should be me. Right, Luke? 是你的才怪应该是我的对吧卢克why do you guys wanna move into the attic? 你们为什么想搬进阁楼来Oh, you mean "The penthouse"? 你是说"顶层公寓"吗With all the privacy of being on its very own floor? 隐私得到极大保护的独层公寓噢It is kinda cool. 确实不错I'm not an idiot. 我不是白痴I knew what they were up to, 我知道她们在打什么鬼主意but I've been wanting to move for a while. 不过我也一直想挪个窝There's a line of ants 有一队蚂蚁going to a trick-or-treat bag in my closet, 正在向我衣橱里万圣节的糖袋子进军and I don't want to still be there 我可不希望它们吃腻了糖when they get tired of candy. 就拿我当肉宰割Good morning, princess. 早上好小公主Good morning, Lily. 早上好莉莉Very adorable, Mitchell, 真可爱米奇尔but I'm having kind of a rough morning, 但是今天早上对我来说太艰难了Daddy, up. 爹地抱抱I'm sorry, Lily, those days are over. 对不起莉莉好日子到头了Now here's your lunch. 这是你的午饭Go get your bag. We will be leaving shortly. 去把你的书包拿来我们马上出发Cam, you don't have to ice her out completely. 小卡你也不用对她这么冷冰冰啊Do you think I'm enjoying this? 你以为我愿意这么做吗But I need her to detach from me before the new thing comes 但是我得让她在新东西来之前摆脱对我的依赖or who knows what she'll do to it. 不然的话鬼知道她会对他怎么样Why are you saying "Thing" Instead of "Baby"? 你为什么把"宝宝"说成"东西"Kill the new baby. 干掉新宝宝Oh. Um, look, I-I-I know this is hard, 我知道这么做很难受but I really appreciate what you're doing. 我也很欣赏你的挽救措施And believe me, 相信我I take no pleasure in seeing you suffer like this. 看着你受此煎熬我也很难过I take a little pleasure. 我其实有点偷着乐No, but there--there are very few parenting issues 主要是因为在为人父母这方面上where I come out on top. 我向来都表现比他糟糕You know, I'm distant. I work too much. 我跟家人有点疏远我工作太忙了My French braiding is "Sloppy." 我给莉莉编的法式辫子像乱麻Finally, you know, something that isn't my fault. 终于有些事不是我的错了Ready. 准备好了Could you please just go put her in her car seat 你可不可以把她抱进车里while I compose myself? 我需要淡定一下All right, you know what, Cam? 好的那个小卡Why don't I just take Lily to preschool on my way to work?不如我上班时候顺便送她去幼儿园吧I think that would be best. 那敢情儿好Let me just whip up a smoothie for you before you go. 出发之前让我来给你弄一份冰沙I push the buttons, daddy. 我要按那个按钮爹地You certainly do. "好呀"What do you think the principal's going to do to me? 你觉得校长会怎么处理我I am a first-time offender. 我是初犯Oh, great. Now I'm tardy. Strike two. 这下好了我还迟到了罪加一等Manny, think of this in a positive way, 曼尼态度积极点- Like it is your "Ha ha" moment. - What does that mean? -把它当成你的"哈哈"时刻 -什么意思That means that one day, you're gonna laugh about it. 意思是将来有一天你会一笑置之的Ah, I should've just given that stupid necklace back to Alicia我当时就该把那该死的吊坠还给阿丽莎的When she was standing right next to her locker. 那时候她就站在她的储物柜旁边This is the worst day of my life, 这是我一生中最糟糕的一天till tomorrow... Oh. 明天也是And every day after that. Oh. 还有以后的每一天Come on, mom. Let's get this over with. 走吧妈妈让我们快点解决这件事- Wait. - What? -等一下 -怎么了Which one did you say that it was her locker? This one? 你说哪个是她的储物柜这个吗Mm-hmm. The one that smells like rose oil. 是的那个闻起来像玫瑰精油的味道Mom? 妈妈Keep the lookout. 把好风Now promise me that you will never, ever do anything dishonest again. 现在向我保证你再也不做这种事了I promise. 我保证Okay, because that's not the way I raised you. 很好我养的儿子可不是珠宝大盗Don't tell Jay anything, okay? 对杰一定要守口如瓶好吗- Hi, Lily. - All right, Lily. -早上好莉莉 -好了莉莉Hi. Have fun, sweetheart. 玩的开心甜心儿Bye. 再见She is so sweet. 她真可爱Oh, thanks. Well, you should've seen her yesterday. 谢谢你真应该看看她昨天的样子Yeah, she pushed a baby off of Cam's lap. 她直接把一个宝宝从小卡膝上推下去了I know. I know. 我知道我知道She is so possessive of him, but, you know, 她对小卡的占有欲太强了Cam's really working on trying not to coddle her so much, 小卡正在努力不那么宠着她了So... 所以I'm not really sure it's about coddling. 我不觉得这和宠溺有关系Sounds more like a sharing issue. 更像是分享方面的问题You know, we've noticed Lily has a hard time with that.我们注意到莉莉不愿意与别人分享东西- Really? - I wouldn't worry. -是吗 -我并不担心Kids usually pick that habit up from other kids, 小孩子通常会从别的小孩身上学到Except the ones that pick it up from their parents. 也有些是从父母那里学到的We have a few of those in here. 我们这有几个小孩子就是这样Of course, I can't share those names with you... 当然我不能告诉这些孩子的名字until I get a glass of wine in my hand. 除非我喝高了酒后吐真言Oh. Oh, Miss Elaine. 你真逗伊莱恩小姐I have been told that I might have the teensiest issue with sharing.别人的确说过我可能有那么一丁点"分享障碍"But is that something Lily would even pick up on? 但是莉莉真的是从我身上学到的吗My chicken. 我的鸡肉My pillow. 我的枕头Daddy's pen. 爹地的笔Okay, it's possible. 好吧有可能And I suppose for Lily's sake, I-I should work on that... 为了莉莉我应该改改了privately. because right now we really need to 偷偷地改因为现在我们真的应该get Cam's coddling problem under control. 先搞定小卡的溺爱问题What's going on? 怎么回事Moving into the attic. 搬到阁楼去睡Give me a day or two to get settled, then I'll have you up. 给我一两天时间安定下来我再请你上去坐坐When did all this happen? 你什么时候决定挪窝了Depends on who you ask. 这要看你问谁了My plan's been in motion for three weeks. 我是已经觊觎了三周了Honey, this is a terrible idea. You're gonna hate it up there. 亲爱的这是个糟糕的主意你会厌恶上面的Mom, stay out of this. 妈妈你别插手了Yeah. We all have our own rooms now. Everybody wins. 现在我们都有自己的房间了三赢Well, don't get too comfortable in there, girls. 不要太爽女孩儿们Luke, it's cold, and it's scary up there. 卢克上面很冷也很恐怖You're gonna be back in your own room by tomorrow night. 你明天晚上就会回到自己房间的I don't know, Claire. It's got a lot of potential. 我不明白克莱尔这里潜力无限This is a lot nicer than the attic I lived in when we met. 这个比我们相遇时我住的那个好多了One night, if that. Trust me on this. 相信我再舒适他也最多坚持一晚Oh, yes, because you're always right. 噢对啊因为你永远是对的Sweetheart, I would love to be wrong. 孩儿们我倒是想错一次I just don't live with the right people for that. 但你们把错都犯完了我想错都难啊Let it go, kids. She's not gonna budge. 算了吧你妈是永不妥协的- Kept me up all night with the-- - Phil, you did push me! -会唠叨我一晚上这事儿 -菲尔的确是你推到我的Your word against mine. 你的说法跟我不一致Guess it's one of those things we'll just never know, 估计也很难搞清真相了就像那些未解之谜Like what really happened to the "Titanic." 好比泰坦尼克号沉没的真相It hit an iceberg. 泰坦尼克是撞冰山了- Maybe. - Mm, there's no maybe. -或许吧 -必须的Oh, you're right, Claire. 好吧你是对的克莱尔Again. 又对了哦Surprise, surprise. 见怪不怪Okay, I-I will see you over at uncle Mitchell's. 好吧我们一会儿在米奇尔舅舅家见I'm gonna skip this meeting of the pile-on Claire club. 我得逃离这个批斗克莱尔大会Guess I pushed her into that pile, too. 估计也是我把她推到那个"大会"上的I spend half my life waiting on you. 我都等你们半辈子了How many times do you have to change your outfit? 你出门一次到底得换几次行头Sorry, Jay. Too many choices is a prison. 抱歉杰选择太多也是个烦恼Just drive before he rethinks the pants. 趁他还想换条裤子之前赶紧走- What's wrong with my pants?! - Go. Go. Go. -我裤子怎么了 -快快So, Manny, how'd it go with the principal today? 曼尼今天跟校长谈得如何It was terrible, but he was brave, and now it's over. 不是很好但儿子很勇敢都过去了- Right, Manny? - Mm-hmm. -对吧宝贝儿 -没错- So d-- - what'd they give you? Detention? Suspension? -那个 -他们让你罚站还是停课No, just a warning because it was first offense. 没有因为是初犯只给了警告- So how was work? - Great. -今天工作如何啊 -挺好的Just a warning, huh? 只给了警告是吧Like she said. 我妈说得没错So I ask about work, and you change the subject. 我问你工作你就给我打岔Are you trying to hide something? 是不是瞒着我什么No, I just wanna make sure he's okay. You okay? 没有啊我只想确保孩子没事你没事吧'cause, I mean, it looks like you're sweatin' bullets back there, kid. 我就是有点疑惑你怎么汗如雨下的Stop grilling him. First the principal, now you. 别逼他了先是校长又是你This poor boy has been screamed at all day. 这个可怜的孩子被折磨了一整天- Well, not to mention-- - Quiet! I've got this. -更别提 -闭嘴我正掌控全局呢- Where is Lily? - Um, she's getting dressed. -莉莉呢 -她在穿衣服All by herself? 自己穿吗- Cam is encouraging her to be more independent. - Oh. -小卡正在鼓励她更独立 -原来如此And there she is! 小公主驾到Doesn't she look beautiful? 美极了吧She looks like she was dipped in glue, 她就像沾完了胶水and dragged through a flea market. 然后从跳蚤市场里拖出来的- Hey there! - Hi! -大家好 -来了啊- Guys. Come on in. There's hors d'oeuvres. - How's it going? -快进来开胃菜准备好了 -大家好吗Hey, do you guys have any old furniture? 你们家有旧家具吗I'm moving into the attic. 我正要搬到阁楼住- The attic? - Hey, at least it's big. -住阁楼吗 -至少足够大Grandpa said you used to live in the closet. 外公说你以前住柜子里[同性恋隐瞒性取向] Okay. Well, you know what? 好吧听我说Yeah, we'll absolutely find you something for sure. Okay? 我们会给你找些家具用的My daddy! 爸爸是我的Lily, no! 莉莉别这样I-I'm sorry, Luke. 卢克抱歉This isn't over. 这事没完Oh, my god. Mitchell, she's getting worse. 天呐小米她越来越放肆了I have turned her into a pushy, little, entitled monster, 我把她变成了一个放肆无礼的小怪物on her way to a rap sheet and a bracelet on her ankle. 她将来肯定会被逮捕被戴上脚铐的Oh, she has a bracelet on her ankle. 不是吧她已经戴上脚铐了Cam. 小卡Cam, Cam. 小卡冷静This--this might not be entirely your fault. 这或许不全是你的责任No, it is. 还能是谁的I spoke with Lily's teacher. 我跟莉莉的老师谈过了And she thinks that--that she may have a problem with sharing, 老师觉得她可能有分享障碍Which she might have gotten from-- 她可能是从什么人身上学的...You. You don't like to share. 就是你啊你不愿与人分享No, I do it to make a point sometimes. 不我有时那样做是想说明某个道理Like, if you want the chicken, then order the chicken. 比如你想吃鸡肉就自己点啊Wait, when did you talk to Lily's teacher? 等一下你什么时候去跟莉莉老师谈的Uh, today, when I--when I dropped her off at school. 今天我送她上学时候And you let me suffer all day? 然后你居然让我自责了一整天All right, look, we--we can't do this with everybody here. 我错了但我们不能在大伙儿面前说这些吧- Can we please just get through the evening? - Yes, -至少过了今晚再说 -好吧but we are not making the announcement tonight. 但我们今晚不宣布领养孩子的事儿了Because that is a joyful thing, 因为那本应是件高兴的事情And I am not feeling very joyful right now. 但我现在极为不高兴Well, I share your feeling. 好吧我分享到[感受到]你的怒火了Just so you know, I'm on to you. 告诉你吧我看出你的把戏了You never took Manny to the principal. 你根本没带曼尼去找校长Okay, play it like that, but I know Manny. 你继续装但我了解曼尼He has more of a conscience than you have. 他比你有良知He's not gonna be able to live with this. 他没法忍受良心受到谴责的You'd be surprised what people can live with, Jay. 杰别小看良心的承受能力Hi, Miss Lily. How's my big girl doing? 莉莉小公主你好吗Good. 很好Can you tell me how old you are now? 告诉我你今年几岁了3. 三岁That's 4. This is 3. 那表示四岁这是三岁Okay, show me again. How old are you? 来再说一次你几岁了- 3. - No! That many is 4. -三岁 -不对那是四岁This many is 3. 这才是三岁Don't argue, Lily. You'll never win. 别争了莉莉你说不过她的Really, Phil? 是吗菲尔Okay, I-I was gonna wait until we got home for this, 好吧我本来打算回家再放这个的But now I think it's something everyone's gonna enjoy.但现在我决定让大家分享这个开心一刻Guys, everybody, come on down to the TV room. 大伙儿都到客厅来I've got something really special to share. 给你们看个精彩的真人秀Okay, how's everybody on drinks? 每人来点喝的吗If this is Alex's graduation again, just leave me the bottle.如果又像上次艾丽克斯毕业典礼那样给我一整瓶吧I'm good, Cam. 我不要了小卡Okay, everybody. 大家就坐了Showtime. 好戏开始Oh, my gosh. It's us at the market. 我靠居然是那天在超市的录像- How did you-- - Yeah, it's security camera footage. -你怎么搞到的 -没错超市监控录像I don't understand. What are we watching? 我不明白我们要看什么It ain't "The godfather," I can tell you that much. 我可以跟你说绝对不是《教父》Okay, look, I fell yesterday at the market, 好的听着我昨天在商场里跌倒了And Phil and I have been having a little disagreement 菲尔跟我在责任问题上as to what happened. Just watch. Okay, right here. 持不同意见看着就是这儿I stop to fix my shoe, and then Phil-- 我停下来去整理鞋子然后菲尔right there. Okay. 在那里好的He makes way for this very attractive woman, 他给一位漂亮的女士让路whom he conveniently leaves out of his retelling of the story. 在他的叙述中他把这段艳遇省略了Now right here, Phil backs up, 就在这时菲尔往后退了一步pushes his butt into the cart, 屁股撞到了购物车pushes me into the cans! 让我撞到了那一堆罐头上Do you see that?! Oh! 看到了没It's all his fault, just like I said! 都是他的错就跟我说的一样I was right! Suck it! 我才是对的去死吧- When did you get this-- - Oh, my god. -你什么时候拿到的 -我的天呐That's why you wanted to come separately. 这就是为什么你想单独过来You went to all that trouble just to prove you were right?你搞得那么麻烦就为了证明你是对的It really wasn't that much trouble. 其实也没那么麻烦I just went to the store, found your friend Jordan the bag boy, 我只是到商场找到你的朋友乔丹who got me the manager. 他帮我找到了经理He gave me the address of the off-site security office. 他给了我远程安保室的地址I filled out some paperwork. Sally faxed it to corporate. 我填了几张表萨利把它传真到公司Three minutes later, I'm buying pack of dvds and burning a copy. 三分钟后我买了张DVD 刻了一张碟Cake. 小事一桩It's like a sickness. 疯狂到病态啊What? None of you believed me, 干嘛谁叫你们都不信我so I got proof. 我只好自证清白咯You should all be sucking it right now. 你们现在都去死吧Hey, please stop with the "Sucking it," Claire. 你能别再说"去死"好吗克莱尔。

Okay, let's see...Oh, could, you grab me an extra virgin...I think one's enough for the sacrifice.Olive oil, Phil.Come on. That's funny.Oh, it's funnier than your freestyle "Sandwich rap."Girl, you crazy.I'm mad fun to shop with.Trapped in between two whole wheat slices.Pastrami and swiss are my only vices.Sweetie, my shoe. Come on. Jesus. God.Hello.Hi.Oh, roadblock.- Beep beep! - Pardon me.Are you okay?Actually, not okay.Not okay.Honey, did you pull from the bottom again?So after hors d'oeuvres,We'll bring everyone in here to share the news.We're having the family over tomorrow nightto tell them we're planning on adopting a new baby.Yes, and we both agreedto--to go a little more low-key with the announcement this time. *Let's hear it for the boy ...Okay, just to be clear, this is low-key?It's a bannerAnd just some light musical accompaniment, Mitchell.I don't have a lower key.Besides, this is a happy occasion.Am I right, lily?Aren't you excited to get a new baby brother?No! I hate the baby!We are having a slight issuegetting Lily on board with the adoption."I hate the baby.""No new baby.""I wanna make the baby dead."I thought we weren't gonna share that one.I-I-I just hope that the problem isshe hasn't spent much time with any babies.So we thought it would be a great ideato show her how much fun it'll be to have one around. oh, he is so cute!Yeah, and he never cries.Literally never. It's actually a little weird.Oh, no, that's not weird.My sister was born with a full set of teeth.Yeah, that never happened.No? Really? You should've seen her crib.It looked like beavers lived there.Oh, is this Lily?oh, yes, it is. Hey, honey. Say hi to the baby.My daddy!Okay, so that's one problem solved.Bye! See you soon!Or never.Cam, I'm a little freaked out about what Lily did.Oh, please. She barely touched him,And he went from zero to big crybaby.We're talking about bringing another child into this house. How's that gonna work with Lily being so possessive of you? Why am I hearing an accusatory tone?Oh, come on. You have to admit that you do coddle her.I will not apologize for loving our daughter.I'm not criticizing.I'm not only criticizing,But we did talk about giving Lily a little more independence. Yeah, which is why we put her in preschool.Yes, but you can't bear to leave her there.You always pick her up early.That is ridiculous.Okay. Okay.Lily, honey,Did daddy pick you up early from preschool today?No.Case closed.We didn't go.Case opened.We went shopping.That's enough.We bought matchy hats.you are going to your room.You're both going to her room.Do we spend a lot of time together? Yes.Do we have a special bond? Absolutely.But do I coddle her more than any other loving parent?It's possible.And for Lily's sake, I should probably work on that.No, you calm down!This is how I talk when somebody accuses my Manny of stealing. - Who is that? - It's the principal.He's saying that Manny stole some girl's locket.What, do you think that all colombians are criminals,because a colombian necktieis a symbol of violence all over the world?No, no, I'm not threatening you.Okay. Apology accepted.No, I didn't mean anything about the necktie.I just--I was trying to make a point.Could you "L." a little less "O.L."Don't you see what I'm trying to do here?Die alone?Girls, dinner!You know, why does Luke get his own room,and I still have to share with you? I can't take it anymore. Me either, even if it is just for one more year...when I leave for college.It is one more year or when you leave for college? Because those happen to be two different things.So I hear this little voice coming from the cansAnd it's like..."Help! I fell in the peaches!"that's mom!- Hilarious! - So hilarious.I'm like, "Claire?"You might wanna tell them that it was youWho pushed me into the peaches in the first place.This again? I wasn't even near you.Yes, you were! You knocked me with the cart.It was completely your fault.Well, let's just agree to disagree.No. I-I disagree to disagree.Then you agree.No. No, I don't, because I'm right.Okay, claire. You're right.as usual.- No, I am right. - like always.Stop it. When I am wrong, I admit it.which is never.Fine. Fine.You're a little jumpy tonight, Manny. Anything wrong? No. Well, I'm just gonna--Have a seat, kid.You know, maybe it's me,But I thought you were kinda squirrelly tonight, you know, Before when your mom was on the phone with the principal. Almost like you wanted to say something...but you just couldn't.anything you wanna say now, Manny?No. I have nothing to say.You sure about that?Think real hard.Could I get a glass of water?That girl's locket-- you took it, didn't you?- Didn't you? - Yes.Yes, I took it.- I didn't mean to. - I don't wanna hear any excuses.You're gonna tell your mom, and you're gonna set this right. Do you understand?All right, get out of here.Just one more thing.You're not, um...You're not wearing that locket, are you?No. Of course not.It's a girl's. Why would I want to wear it?It's no reason.Mom, hurry up! I don't want to be late for school.You didn't tell her,did you?What's the hurry this morning?Okay, what's with the looks?It's like a silent movie in here. Okay.I was walking behind this girl Alicia, who's moving away, And I was working up the courage to get her new address So I can write her.I express myself a lot better on paper than--Ticktock, kid.Well, she dropped her locket, and I picked it up,But she kept walking, and I...You stole the locket.After I told the principalThat you could have never done something like that,And I threaten him with the colombian necktie! Manny, why?Don't worry. It wasn't 'cause he wanted to wear it.I thought I could keep it as something to remember her by. But then you were yelling at Mr. Vickers,And I-I was just too scared to tell you.Go to the car.- I'm really sorry. - Go.Why would he do something like that?It's bad enough that he's the boywith the pan flute and the puffy shirts and--and the poems. Now he's the jewelry thief.Might be an upgrade.Ay, Jay, this is not funny.Those things stick to you.My cousin Rosa Marina--When she was 14, she stole something, and after that, Everybody thinks of her as the girl who steals cars.She stole a car?Cars.But after she got that label, what else could she do? Listen, you can't control what kids think,But you can make sure he learns from this.You take him to the principal's office,He owns up to it, he never does it again.Okay. Okay.But what was he thinking?This is not even real gold.No way, Haley! It was my idea! I'm taking this room! Over my dead body!This is going to be my room,And there's nothing you can do about it!Seriously?What are you guys fighting about?Okay, so we both thinkThat this would make a totally awesome bedroom.But only one of us can have it.Don't you think it should be me?Oh, so not. It should be me. Right, Luke?why do you guys wanna move into the attic?Oh, you mean "The penthouse"?With all the privacy of being on its very own floor?It is kinda cool.I'm not an idiot.I knew what they were up to,but I've been wanting to move for a while.There's a line of antsgoing to a trick-or-treat bag in my closet,and I don't want to still be therewhen they get tired of candy.Good morning, princess.Good morning, Lily.Very adorable, Mitchell,but I'm having kind of a rough morning,Daddy, up.I'm sorry, Lily, those days are over.Now here's your lunch.Go get your bag. We will be leaving shortly.Cam, you don't have to ice her out completely.Do you think I'm enjoying this?But I need her to detach from me before the new thing comes or who knows what she'll do to it.Why are you saying "Thing" Instead of "Baby"?Kill the new baby.Oh. Um, look, I-I-I know this is hard,but I really appreciate what you're doing.And believe me,I take no pleasure in seeing you suffer like this.I take a little pleasure.No, but there--there are very few parenting issueswhere I come out on top.You know, I'm distant. I work too much.My French braiding is "Sloppy."Finally, you know, something that isn't my fault. Ready.Could you please just go put her in her car seatwhile I compose myself?All right, you know what, Cam?Why don't I just take Lily to preschool on my way to work?I think that would be best.Let me just whip up a smoothie for you before you go.I push the buttons, daddy.You certainly do.What do you think the principal's going to do to me?I am a first-time offender.Oh, great. Now I'm tardy. Strike two.Manny, think of this in a positive way,- Like it is your "Ha ha" moment. - What does that mean?That means that one day, you're gonna laugh about it.Ah, I should've just given that stupid necklace back to AliciaWhen she was standing right next to her locker.This is the worst day of my life,till tomorrow... Oh.And every day after that. Oh.Come on, mom. Let's get this over with.- Wait. - What?Which one did you say that it was her locker? This one?Mm-hmm. The one that smells like rose oil.Mom?Keep the lookout.Now promise me that you will never, ever do anything dishonest again.I promise.Okay, because that's not the way I raised you.Don't tell Jay anything, okay?- Hi, Lily. - All right, Lily.Hi. Have fun, sweetheart.Bye.She is so sweet.Oh, thanks. Well, you should've seen her yesterday.Yeah, she pushed a baby off of Cam's lap.I know. I know.She is so possessive of him, but, you know,Cam's really working on trying not to coddle her so much,So...I'm not really sure it's about coddling.Sounds more like a sharing issue.You know, we've noticed Lily has a hard time with that.- Really? - I wouldn't worry.Kids usually pick that habit up from other kids,Except the ones that pick it up from their parents.We have a few of those in here.Of course, I can't share those names with you...until I get a glass of wine in my hand.Oh. Oh, Miss Elaine.I have been told that I might have the teensiest issue with sharing. But is that something Lily would even pick up on?My chicken.My pillow.Daddy's pen.Okay, it's possible.And I suppose for Lily's sake, I-I should work on that... privately. because right now we really need toget Cam's coddling problem under control.What's going on?Moving into the attic.Give me a day or two to get settled, then I'll have you up.When did all this happen?Depends on who you ask.My plan's been in motion for three weeks.Honey, this is a terrible idea. You're gonna hate it up there.Mom, stay out of this.Yeah. We all have our own rooms now. Everybody wins. Well, don't get too comfortable in there, girls.Luke, it's cold, and it's scary up there.You're gonna be back in your own room by tomorrow night.I don't know, Claire. It's got a lot of potential.This is a lot nicer than the attic I lived in when we met. One night, if that. Trust me on this.Oh, yes, because you're always right.Sweetheart, I would love to be wrong.I just don't live with the right people for that.Let it go, kids. She's not gonna budge.- Kept me up all night with the-- - Phil, you did push me! Your word against mine.Guess it's one of those things we'll just never know,Like what really happened to the "Titanic."It hit an iceberg.- Maybe. - Mm, there's no maybe.Oh, you're right, Claire.Again.Surprise, surprise.Okay, I-I will see you over at uncle Mitchell's.I'm gonna skip this meeting of the pile-on Claire club. Guess I pushed her into that pile, too.I spend half my life waiting on you.How many times do you have to change your outfit?Sorry, Jay. Too many choices is a prison.Just drive before he rethinks the pants.- What's wrong with my pants?! - Go. Go. Go.So, Manny, how'd it go with the principal today?It was terrible, but he was brave, and now it's over.- Right, Manny? - Mm-hmm.- So d-- - what'd they give you? Detention? Suspension?No, just a warning because it was first offense.- So how was work? - Great.Just a warning, huh?Like she said.So I ask about work, and you change the subject.Are you trying to hide something?No, I just wanna make sure he's okay. You okay?'cause, I mean, it looks like you're sweatin' bullets back there, kid. Stop grilling him. First the principal, now you.This poor boy has been screamed at all day.- Well, not to mention-- - Quiet! I've got this.- Where is Lily? - Um, she's getting dressed.All by herself?- Cam is encouraging her to be more independent. - Oh.And there she is!Doesn't she look beautiful?She looks like she was dipped in glue,and dragged through a flea market.- Hey there! - Hi!- Guys. Come on in. There's hors d'oeuvres. - How's it going? Hey, do you guys have any old furniture?I'm moving into the attic.- The attic? - Hey, at least it's big.Grandpa said you used to live in the closet.Okay. Well, you know what?Yeah, we'll absolutely find you something for sure. Okay?My daddy!Lily, no!I-I'm sorry, Luke.This isn't over.Oh, my god. Mitchell, she's getting worse.I have turned her into a pushy, little, entitled monster,on her way to a rap sheet and a bracelet on her ankle.Oh, she has a bracelet on her ankle.Cam.Cam, Cam.This--this might not be entirely your fault.No, it is.I spoke with Lily's teacher.And she thinks that--that she may have a problem with sharing, Which she might have gotten from--You. You don't like to share.No, I do it to make a point sometimes.Like, if you want the chicken, then order the chicken.Wait, when did you talk to Lily's teacher?Uh, today, when I--when I dropped her off at school. And you let me suffer all day?All right, look, we--we can't do this with everybody here. - Can we please just get through the evening? - Yes,but we are not making the announcement tonight. Because that is a joyful thing,And I am not feeling very joyful right now.Well, I share your feeling.Just so you know, I'm on to you.You never took Manny to the principal.Okay, play it like that, but I know Manny.He has more of a conscience than you have.He's not gonna be able to live with this.You'd be surprised what people can live with, Jay.Hi, Miss Lily. How's my big girl doing?Good.Can you tell me how old you are now?3.That's 4. This is 3.Okay, show me again. How old are you?- 3. - No! That many is 4.This many is 3.Don't argue, Lily. You'll never win.Really, Phil?Okay, I-I was gonna wait until we got home for this,But now I think it's something everyone's gonna enjoy.Guys, everybody, come on down to the TV room.I've got something really special to share.Okay, how's everybody on drinks?If this is Alex's graduation again, just leave me the bottle.I'm good, Cam.Okay, everybody.Showtime.Oh, my gosh. It's us at the market.- How did you-- - Yeah, it's security camera footage.I don't understand. What are we watching?It ain't "The godfather," I can tell you that much.Okay, look, I fell yesterday at the market,And Phil and I have been having a little disagreementas to what happened. Just watch. Okay, right here.I stop to fix my shoe, and then Phil--right there. Okay.He makes way for this very attractive woman,whom he conveniently leaves out of his retelling of the story. Now right here, Phil backs up,pushes his butt into the cart,pushes me into the cans!Do you see that?! Oh!It's all his fault, just like I said!I was right! Suck it!- When did you get this-- - Oh, my god.That's why you wanted to come separately.You went to all that trouble just to prove you were right?It really wasn't that much trouble.I just went to the store, found your friend Jordan the bag boy, who got me the manager.He gave me the address of the off-site security office.I filled out some paperwork. Sally faxed it to corporate.Three minutes later, I'm buying pack of dvds and burning a copy. Cake.It's like a sickness.What? None of you believed me,so I got proof.You should all be sucking it right now.Hey, please stop with the "Sucking it," Claire.The children!Yes, children are very impressionable.You'll never know what they'll pick up.Okay, cam, I'm sorry that I blamed it on you, okay?But we both need to look at our actions.I mean, if we're thinking about adopting another baby,then we need to--- You guys... - You're adopting another kid?- No! No, no! - You're--wait! Congratulations!We're thinking about it. It's not...What the hell's happening here?Is that from "Footloose"?Really, Mitchell?You couldn't even share telling your family!Fine. Fine.But why are you upset? This is such good news.No, we're a little on edgebecause lily has been acting outlike she doesn't want a sibling, and--Yeah, because Mitchell taught her to hate sharing.And/or because cam wears her like a fanny pack.Oh, stop blaming each other.No kid wants a sibling.I mean, Claire hated you so muchShe stuck you in a dryer when you were 2.You put me in the dryer?I did, but it wasn't 'cause I hated you.My friend Marci saidThat it wouldn't run with a kid inside it,and I knew it would. I was right.Good governor.It's been going on since you were 5?- Oh, my god. It is a sickness. -Yeah.What would make me have that need at such a young age? How long was I in that dryer? Because I--Is this why I'm afraid of tumbling?I had to quit gymnastics, Claire!A childhood without tumbling?You knew this and just stood by and did nothing?!Okay, okay. What's done is done!All you can do is learn from your mistakes.And in that spirit,I would like to propose a toast... to Manny.This week, he did something he wasn't supposed to do,- like we all do-- - Like we all do!- Salud to Manny! - Uh, not yet.But Manny stood up like a man.He admitted he was wrong and he took his licks,and I'm damn proud of him.Ah, now we clink!No, we clink when I say we clink.So Manny made a mistake, but he didn't take the easy way out. He's got guts, he's got integrity.As far as I'm concerned, he's the best little b--Okay, stop! Stop! I didn't do any of that.Mom broke into the locker and threw the necklace inside,and then we ran away like cowards.- I'm sorry, jay! I'm sorry! - I knew it!I was right! I was right!Who is it?Hi, honey. It's just me. Are you okay?Yeah. I'm great.So, how you liking your new digs?I know you told me that I'd be cold...and scared...- But I'm not. - No, I can see that.I was--I was wrong.- You were. - Yeah.Well, you're gonna hate this then, honey,but I'm gonna need you to go back down and sleep in your old room.I just--I'm worried if you get something so coolthis early in your life,You're not gonna have anything to look forward to later.I-I have to go now?You can spend the night tonight here if you want.Oh! No, if it's so important to you,I'll go now.You should come, too.Something sleeps over there.Wait for me. Wait. Wait for me! Wait for me.。