摩登家庭 -第4季第21集-字幕-对白-中英文对照-看美剧学英语-打印-word版

Haley, hurry up!You don't have much time, and I made chocolate chip pancakes. Mom, I'm not 12.Dibs on hers.Honey, you excited about your first day?You know what? I really am.There's something about going to workthat makes you feel like you're...I don't know, worth something.No offense, mom.Listen... I wanna give you some advice.Do it fast. She's gonna be late.Work hard.Keep your eye on the ball.Stay focused.Never... check it out!Cam in overalls!Mitchell sent me the same text!Why "Look what you've done"?Oh, because Cam is helping me outwith that baseball field,and Mitchell hates it when he gets all farmed up.His turn-offs are farm, Fizbo,And, worst of all, farmbo.Howdy, life pardner!Well, I gotta go. Don't wanna be late for my first--Oh, my god! Why didn't you guys tell me the time?!So what do you think? Can we turn this into a baseball field? Oh, yeah. No problem.You know, back on the farm,I once turned an acre of corn into a snowflake-shaped maze. It'd still be there if our neighbor Billy Bob Sheinberghadn't seen it from his crop dusterand said it looked like a swastika.So how good's Luke's team anyway?Well, you may have seen them on youtubeunder "Boy stuck in batting helmet"or "Pitcher beans self."But a few of them went through puberty early this year, so... They say it's because of hormones in our milk.But whatever it is, they really jacked up.Luke and Manny's team tied for the final spot in the playoffs, but since nobody was expecting it,all the fields were booked.The other team wanted to settle with a coin flip.We said "Rock paper scissors." That's when talks broke down. So what do you do when you can't find a field?You build one.And we got the last laugh,'cause guess what I found there?Rocks, paper, and scissors.- I see home plate up here. - Mm-hmm.I see pitcher's mound in here,And I see little boys' dreams coming true everywhere.I found a dead snake!It's perfect.Not dead! Not dead!I'm gonna be mother of the year.I'm gonna be mother of the year.And this is our dining room, where we eat.And this is our kitchen, where we also eat.Who are you talking to?It looks like you lost your tour.Or your mind.The baby.Shorty's girlfriend Darlene send it to me.She said it's for prenatal bonding.I love it. We took a tour of the house.We took a look at all my shoes.Come on, Jay. Say something to the baby.Darlene's an idiot.Oh, yeah, beautiful.Your first words to our baby--"Darlene is an idiot."This is stupid. The baby's only 2 inches away.He doesn't need speakers blasting at him.Like in restaurants nowadayswhere you can't even hear yourself think.Ah, you're gonna do whatever you want. Why do I bother? Get used to that. Sometimes you just gotta let him go. Then he eats some sherbet and falls asleep.Okay, I'll chalk the field with this bad boy.And while you're doing that, I will get the bases.We make such a good team.Why does your friend have a chalker?Oh, he used it to propose to a skywriter.Oh, ma'am? Ma'am, do you need help with that?Oh, ma'am? Ma'am, do you need help with that?Oh, yes. Please.Is this your house?I'm moving in with my son.He's rich.Phone by the toilet rich.All right, so have you lived here a long time?I moved here in '62 to be an actress.I had one line in a "Rockford files.""He went out the back.,"Who went out the back?That was you.Well, you're all set here.You're not interested in the place, are you?- Oh, no, thank you. - Yes--yes, we are.Yes. Yes, we are.- Come on. - Okay.You gotta keep your eyes open.It's not natural when a ball is hurtling at your face.Will you choke up a little?Probably when they play the national anthem.No, move your hands up the bat."When they play the national anthem."I had a perfect record--22 games, and I hadn't played a single inning.Then the Mccoy twins' grandma dies,and suddenly I'm starting at right field.What does that even mean? Is it the same as stage right? All right, ready? Nice and easy.I haven't even thrown it yet.Then it's your fault. I'm doing my part.Forget it. We need to do something different.Let's change your stance.Try leaning in.Further.Now close your eyes.Ah! Perfect! You think you can do that every time? What, get hit on purpose?If you wanna get on base and be a hero.Some men are born into greatness.Others have it chucked at their face.Yes!Okay, Mrs. Brooks, thank you very much.We'll be in touch very soon.Say it one more time.He went out the back.- Oh, love it! Love it! - Brava! Brava!Bye-bye!What do you think, Phil?Well, I have to admit, it's a steal.Yes! Yes! I told you!And you said Gil Thorpe makes a killing flipping houses. Yeah, he brags about it all the time.Every time he makes a sale,he calls himself "Flipper"he calls himself "Flipper"And walks around making this dolphin sound. Like...How does he do it? I hate him so much.Okay, look, if the four of us go in on this together,We can minimize the risk.Or if none of us do it,we can eliminate the risk altogetherbecause none of you know anything about flipping houses. Okay, well, we already have it figured out.I'm gonna be the designer...Because I know about colors and shapes.Yeah, so does Lily.I'm gonna be the contractor.And I'm gonna be the astronaut. Oh, this is fun. Phil, you go.Mitchell, I am serious.I have overseen lots of projects in our home.I oversaw the remodel of our bathroom.Under budget. Right, Phil?Yeah. I was a little disappointed we didn't go forthe butt-washing toilet, but otherwise...You can wash your own butt for free.Well, that's not the same, is it?This is all fun to talk about.It is, but I don't think that you understandwhat--what this could really entail. And--Okay, there it is. Mitchell just said "No," So we're done. Surprise, surprise.Listen, we'll talk about this at home, okay?Don't give up.Phil, you think it's a good idea, right?Totally.Yes. And you know we can handle it, right?I think you guys can handle anything.And you go talk to him. You're a professional.He respects you.Okay. Give us some space. I'll go talk him into it.- All right. - All right?- Okay. - Okay.Listen...there's no way we're letting them do this.I know, right?They are not equipped to take this on.We might as well flush all our savingsdown my boring old toilet.Oh, you are really bitter about that.It's the one thing I asked for. Don't sit on your sunglasses. Sorry, guys.Whoops. Just to be clear, though.Under no circumstances are we letting them do this?I am totally with you.Okay, you stay here. I'll go break the bad news.Sorry, guys. Not gonna happen.- Yeah, well, maybe if-- - I would drop it.It's not worth the fight. Come on, Claire.The faster we leave, the less it's gonna hurt.Hop in. Yep.Why does it have to be like this?I don't know. He's your brother. Buckled up? Good.No! No! No, no, I see what you're doing!He doesn't want this either!- Little radio? - Sure.Phil! Claire!Come on!It's such a shamebecause I know we would do a great job on that house. - Totally. - If Gil Thorpe can do it, I can do it, right?Please. Gil Thorpe has decades of experienceand infallible instincts.As much as we'd all like to believe otherwise,I did not marry Gil Thorpe.Can you imagine that?God, we'd sell a lot of houses.Oh! Great.- Mitchell. - Oh, you know what, Claire?You gotta cool down or you're just gonna make this worse. Why don't you go get the coffees?And I'll deal with him.Well, okay, what are you gonna say to him?I'm just gonna talk to him man-to-man.Right.Okay.Hello?Claire, Phil doesn't want the house either, all right?He's letting me take the fall. He's a liar.And a clever one.Ugh! How long do you think you can keep this from her? All right? I'm gonna talk to her eventually.Well, as long as we're swapping stories,Maybe I'll tell CamWhat happened to the sweater he knit for you.What happened to the sweater he knit for you.I can't! I can't!I can't do it! I can't take this stupid thing anymore!It was stolen out of the car. Do you understand me? Got it.That is low.I know. Don't be mad at me.That said, I suggest you lose this number.I'm not proud of what I did,but I'm not comfortable squashing people's dreams.I am a cheerleader.I'm the guy on top of the pyramid shouting,"Go, dreams, go!"You know what's not a cheer?"Two, four, six, eight,you are going to fail at thisand lose everything we've worked for, Claire!*Hush, little baby,*don't say a word.*Papa's going to buy you a mockingbird.*And if that mockingbird won't sing,*papa's gonna buy you a diamond ring.Papa'd buy ten diamond ringsto get that mockingbird to shut the hell up.But I wasn't gonna tell Gloria she was a terrible singer. That's just taking a bath with a toaster.Still, the thought ofthat poor little thing stuck in there like a hostage, listening to that racket days on end...I just couldn't take it.*And if that billy goat won't push,*papa's gonna get every le--I'll tell you what papa's gonna do.He's gonna take a turn on that mic.- Oh! Really? - Yeah, I've been thinking,if it's a chance to bond, I should take it.Ay, Jay, that's great.I think that the sound of my voiceshouldn't be the only thing that the baby should hear. Same page.Breaker, breaker, big Jay.Baby, what's your 20? Over.Ay, that's so cute.You sound like Smokey and the Bandito.Go on. Go on.Hi, kid. This is your dad Jay Pritchett.Uh, we're all pretty excited to meet you.Just a heads-up--I might be a few years older than you're expecting. But on the plus side, we're very comfortable.What's that? Nothin'?Tough womb.What are you doing in there? You sleepin'?*Are you sleeping?- Ah! Ah! Ah! - *Are you--Ah! Still daddy's turn.Dumb--dumb rock!- Are you cryin'? - No.No. I just can't get this rock to budge.No. I just can't get this rock to budge.Okay, what did we learn from "A League of Their Own"?No crying in baseball.No. That Madonna's a lousy actress,and so are you.What's really going on?Okay.You know, over the last couple of months,I've applied for, like, five different jobs.- I didn't know that. - No. I didn't tell anyone,Because I didn't get them, Cam.I went to college, you know?And... I just wanna be able to contribute to my kids' education. And I wanna be able to buy my husband a present...with my own money.with my own money.Hey, you're preaching to the choir director.It's actually why I became a choir director.You became a part-time teacher in a public school for money?I make more than you do.I mean, before parking. But...Look, I'm sorry Mitchell killed our house dream.You know, now especially that I know you wanted to use the money for such noble reasons.Yeah.And also...there was this pair of boots.There's always a pair of boots.Mitchell, do you know what I've realized?That some thoughts are better left unexpressed?No. That in this relationship,I'm the gas pedal, and you're the brakes.Okay, wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.Last week, you said thatyou were the painting and I was the frame.That's if we were artwork.This is if we were a car.I know what part you'd be if we were a horse.- Excuse me? - Hmm?Claire and I bring you this great opportunity,And you stop it cold.I guess that's what brakes do.You know what brakes also do?They keep you from driving off cliffs.Maybe they're not cliffs. Maybe they're ramps,ready to launch us into new, exciting vistas.I am not the only one against this whole house thing. Phil doesn't want it either.You keep saying that,but I find that very, very hard to believe.Phil supports Claire.Phil is a cheerleader.Why can't you be more like phil?And then it hit me.I could be exactly like Phil.I could pretend to be on board,forcing the cheerleader to be the bad guy.I know it's underhanded,but that's the way I throw.- Mitchell? - You--you know what?You've convinced me.If--if you and Claire and especially Philare into this, then I'm on board.- What? Seriously?! - Yes! 100%.In fact, why don't you call Claire and Philright now and tell them?Okay. It was the ramp thing, wasn't it?You know, I felt really good about it.What?Are you serious? That's fantastic!Oh! I gotta tell Phil. I'll call you right back.What's--what's up?Mitchell changed his mind.He's all for it. We're flipping a house!- Yeah. - Yeah!Well, hello, Phil.To what do I owe this pleasure?Cut the crap.Cut the crap.You wanna play chicken? Chicken's my middle name.I don't know what you're talking about.I'm just being supportive of my partner and my sister, both of whom I love very much.How do you sleep at night?Soundly, knowing you'll do the right thing.So how about it, Phil?You gonna stop this train? 'cause these brakes are out. Oh. And I suggest you lose this number.Mitchell?Mitchell?!Yeah, I was pretty ticked offthat Mitchell double-crossed my double-cross.And then he stopped taking my calls,And so I sent him the following carefully worded text... "U suck."I could tell Phil felt pretty hurtand betrayed, so I responded."How r u gonna cheerlead your way out of this one, buffy?" "We both know this house thing is a disaster.""Then say something, or I will.I don't care if you tell Cam...""I threw out that hideous sweater?!"I spent months knitting that hideous sweater.- Yeah. - W--how are we seeing this?They're using the group text from yesterday.They have no idea these are even coming to me.Okay.Oh. Here's another one."We need to shut this house thing downWithout them knowing it's us"?!Oh! Well..."2 late."No, that--that's bad.Claire, I am so sorry.I know I should've been more honest with you, but I-- No, Phil.You know what really kills me?Is you didn't believe in me, and you believe in everything! You know, I knew that sweater wasn't stolen.And here I pick blue yarn to match your eyes,but I should've picked black to match your heart. Although you look amazing in black. Damn you.Come on."...Leaving 17 dead and thousands without power." Ay, Jay, please!It's bad that the baby listens to such terrible things.He's heard worse.Jay, do you know a good 1-hour dry cleaner?And I don't mean the "Must be in by 10:00,only on weekdays, you need a coupon" Kind.I mean a hard 1-hour.This conversation feels like a hard one hour.And what do you need it cleaned for? It's spotless. There's mustard here from Reuben's reuben.There's mustard here from Reuben's reuben.That's what happens whenyou put a narcissist in charge of snack day.Okay, it's my turn again.Baby, it's your mother again.- I'm-- - Gloria?Why don't we give him a break?He probably needs a minutebecause he just learned about a deadly tornado. Okay, stop calling him a he.What if he's a she, and you're making her upset?I told you. That's just the shorthand I'm using.- Don't jump down my throat every time I'm - Ay, yes, - because you always - What are you doing?Do you really want your unborn babyto hear you fighting like this?Studies show it's unhealthyFor a fetus to be exposed to a stressful environment. Studies? You're 13. Read a comic book.What time does your game start?I have to be there at 3:00 for hitting practice.Batting practice.Not for me.Jay, I don't want our baby to thinkthat it's coming into an unhappy home.Let's promise that we're never ever going to fight in front of him. No fighting in front of the baby.Okay, good.*Twinkle, twinkle*Little lambGloria, stop it! Stop it. No more singing.Why?Because you stink.You're a terrible singer.Come on. Let's get some lunch.How dare do you say that I am...I know! Ay, no, no, no.No fighting in front of the baby. We just made a deal.Yeah, but that's not fairbecause I am always in front of the baby!Gloria, you're as close to perfect as woman gets.Nothing wrong with one tiny, little flaw.Yours is when you start to sing,is sounds like something got stuck in the vacuum cleaner. That's--you're just--No, no, no.That is just your stupid, stupid opinion, Jay.But I am very angry at you,and I am gonna make a listof all the things that I am going to scream at youas soon as this baby's out of me.I didn't think it all the way through.Oh, hello, Mitch.Uh, you got Claire flowers?Yes. I had a little bit of a rough night.Yeah, you and me both.Daddy slept in my room last night.- Here, give me some of those. - What? No.- You got me into this. - Hey, stop! You're breaking them!I need--I'm not going to Cam empty-handed!Phil, let go of the...Hold still!Claire and Cam did all this?A week ago, that was all junk.It's amazing.I mean, there's that little bump in the middle.But other than that...Even if one of those boys had hit five home runs,the biggest star on that field was Claire.That's the funny thing about marriage.You fall in love with this...extraordinary person,And over time, they begin to seem ordinary.I think it's all the nagging.Wow. This...This is incredible.You literally saw a diamond in the rough.Yeah, but I take on a lot of projects no one else is willing to.I deserve that.I was an idiot for doubting you.Please, honey, forgive me.How could I not,when you give me this bouquet of crumpled flowers?- Mitchell did that! - Mitchell again?Ask Lily!- Hey, Cam. - Hey.Here you--Okay. Well...Oh, wow. Broken and mangled...Just like my heart.Cam, I'm sorry for not supporting you.- What about the sweater? - That's unforgivable.I mean, you put all that time and work into it,and I just toss it out the car window.Tossed it out the car window?!I'm forgetting how much you knew.You know what, guys? Honestly, I...I think we should do it. I think we should go for the house. - Really? - Okay, but careful, honey.Don't say something if you don't mean it.No, I do mean it. I think you two will do a fantastic job. You know, I do, too. I'm on board.On board for what?Oh, well, the four of us, uh, might go in on a house. Claire and I fix it up and flip it.That's the worst idea I ever heard.You guys know nothing about construction.You'll make all sorts of mistakes,you'll turn on each other, you'll stop talking,and suddenly I'm doing two dinners a week instead of one because you can't be in the same room.Family and business doesn't mix.Ah, you're gonna do whatever you want. Why do I bother? Is he right?Y-you know dad. I mean, he's a pessimist.I want us to get that house.I do. But I don't want us to fight.We're not gonna fight.Of course not.Probably.I don't know. Will we?Maybe we just take a beat and think about it.Yeah. I-I guess that couldn't hurt.Yeah.You guys mean the world to us.I don't want to jeopardize that over a house.- We feel the same way. - I know.- I just wanna say I know we'd do a good job, though. - Hello? - And I feel so-- - It's Mrs. Brooks, the lady with the house. Actually, it's good that you called.What?What happened?Gil Thorpe just made her an offer.- We did it! - We bought a house.It's gonna be... great!What could go wrong? Nothing.Sometimes I don't understand people.They do crazy things for the dumbest reasons.I'm going to march out there and swing as hard as I can.And if every sports movie is correct,I'm going to smack that ball,and everyone will chant my name as I round the bases.By the way,it is always counterclockwise, or do I get to choose?I don't think it's gonna matter.They convince themselves it'll all work out...Please rise for the national anthem.I'm gonna show you who can sing.Gloria.Oh, this is gonna be rough.Despite all the evidence to the contrary.Oh say can you see?By the dawn's early light?Which I guess isn't so bad.And the rocket's red glare!All I'm saying is,I hope to god you don't have your mother's singing voice. But, man, I hope you get her self-confidence.Try to get some sleep.I'll talk to you in the morning.2 outs, bottom of the sixth. Tied at 4.This is it, folks.The whole game comes down to this.Manny Delgado 0 for 3 on the day.Gloria, your thoughts?I think he's going to hit the home run.Please, god, give me one.Manny, stand up straight!But bend your knees.Widen your stance!Would you please let me just--Take your base!- You did it! You got it, Manny! - I did it?No, no, no, no! Not that way! Go this way!Oh, why do I bother? He's gonna do what he wants. Manny! Manny! Manny!。

- Good morning, gentlemen. - ?Hi. -早上好呀先生们 -早Max, how'd you sleep? 麦克斯你睡得好吗Oh, I love crashing here! 我好喜欢在这儿过夜啊This is just like college -- 仿佛回到了大学时代staying up too late, passing out on the couch, 熬夜到很晚昏睡在沙发上mean Asian chick down the hall. 走廊上有毒舌的亚洲女Yeah. Where is Lily? 是啊莉莉人呢I don't know. S-School, maybe? 我不知道去上学了吧I'm right here. 我在这儿呢We met Max in Amsterdam on what we thought 我们以前在阿姆斯特丹认识了麦克斯was a tour of pottery cafes, so... 本来是一趟陶艺[大麻]咖啡厅之旅所以...I don't remember much about it, 很多事我都不记得了but I do remember thinking 但我清楚记得he was the funniest person I've ever met. 我当时觉得他是我遇过最好笑的人与各种大麻制品荷兰阿姆斯特丹有许多的大麻咖啡馆And we told him if he ever came into town, 我们跟他说要是来我们这儿that he had to stay with us. 必须住咱们家And I-I-I'm so glad he said yes 他答应了我真的好开心because I remember being really, uh, paranoid 因为我记得当时一直很神经紧张that he didn't like me. 觉得他不喜欢我You two, get out of here. 你们俩让开I'm gonna whip us up some breakfast. 我来煮早餐给大家吃Whoo! My head feels like the Hindenburg. 我的头像兴登堡号一样痛到炸裂Whoo! My head feels like the Hindenburg. 客运飞艇 1937年在准备着陆时起火烧毁Oh, come on! 少来了- I feel like he was funnier in Europe. - Yeah. -怎么感觉他在欧洲时比较好笑 -对Mitchell! Look! 米奇尔快看Our crazy-expensive bottle of wine? 我们巨贵的那瓶红酒吗I -- uh, we were saving this for the perfect occasion. 我们一直想留到最特别的日子才打开的Okay, well, he must've drank it after we went to bed. 他一定是等我们睡了再自己喝掉的Who does that? 谁会这么贱啊Just drinks somebody's 不问主人家most expensive bottle of wine without asking? 就擅自喝掉别人最贵的红酒- Okay, it's a hate crime. ?- How is it a hate crime? -这是仇恨犯罪 -这怎么会是仇恨犯罪Because I hate him. 因为我恨他I ca-- I can't believe it's almost gone. 真不敢相信都快被他喝光了Look, you know, I've only ever considered opening that twice --我至今只考虑过打开这瓶酒两次once early on election night 一次是大选之夜刚开始once early on election night 刚开始希拉里领先但特朗普后来居上并胜利and then when we thought "La La Land" won Best Picture.另一次是我们以为《爱乐之城》得到了最佳影片奖随后更正获奖的是《月光男孩》奥斯卡颁奖乌龙事件I know. It's been a rough year. 我知道这一年很不好过Breakfast! 吃早餐啦No, no. 不不要啊Is that our caviar? 那是我们的鱼子酱吗Yeah! Lucky I found it. 是啊幸好我找到了It was hiding in the back of the fridge. 被藏在冰箱深处呢For a special occasion. 因为要留到特别的日子才吃Something wrong? 有什么问题吗Yeah... yeah. 有有问题Uh, first you open up our $400 bottle of wine, 首先你擅自开了我们价值四百块的红酒now it's our $200 tin of caviar. 现在又开了一罐两百块的鱼子酱- We were saving those. - ?For what? -这都是我们特意留起来的 -留着干嘛A celebration, like -- 等到庆祝的时候才享用What about when "Moonlight" won the Oscar? 那《月光男孩》得了奥斯卡那次怎么没开What about when "Moonlight" won the Oscar? 主角是同性恋黑人Okay, it was a big moment for the community, yes -- 那次对我们群体来说确实是重要的时刻Okay, you know what? Look. I'm gonna go, okay? 这样吧我还是走吧But, guys, don't defer enjoyment, 但听我一句劝千万别延迟享受人生'cause you never know when you're gonna bite it. 因为人有旦夕祸福I say, make every night special. 要我说好好享受每一晚Okay, well, that's a -- that's a fun philosophy, 好吧你这套哲学挺有意思的but not everyone can follow that, okay? 但不是每个人能身体力行好吗'Cause -- 'Cause we have responsibilities. 因为我们有责任在身We have -- We have budgets. 我们有预算We have a daughter, you know. 我们有个女儿Where is our daughter? 我们女儿人呢- I don't know. Backyard, maybe? - ?Maybe. -我不知道在后院吧 -可能吧Earl Chambers, 厄尔·钱伯斯my former business partner-turned dumbass nemesis, 我昔日的生意搭档后来变成我的死对头bought the old horizontal wardrobe. 他买了横向衣柜For you closet non-pros, that means he died. 给你们衣柜业门外汉解释一下就是他挂了Then last week, I received this urn and this note. 然后在上周我收到了这个骨灰瓮和这封信"You know what to do with my ashes. "你知道该如何处置我的骨灰Follow the path." 沿着路一直走"What the hell does that mean? 这是什么鬼意思You think you can drive me nuts, but you can't. 你以为可以把我逼疯但你想都别想He can't actually hear you unless you open the lid. 他听不见你说话的除非你把盖子打开I still can't figure out 我还是没想明白the meaning of "Follow the path!" "沿着路一直走"是什么意思I'm gonna need you to call Shirl 我要你帮我打给雪儿and find out why her father's been torturing me. 搞清楚她爸到底为什么要折磨我- You call her! - That's not an option. -你自己打给她 -你没得选择She's a greasy slimebucket, just like her father, 她是个油腻的小滑头跟她爹一个样and for some reason, she doesn't like me. 而且不知为何她不喜欢我Hmm...I'll see what I can do. 我想想办法吧Hey, Manny! What's up? 曼尼怎么啦I'm not here! Everything's fine! 你没看到我一切都很好- Super-dupes. - Okay, I'll -- I'll -- I'll talk. -超级好 -好吧我招了Luke and I went to a sketchy neighborhood for tacos last night,昨晚我和卢克到不太平的区吃玉米卷and he disappeared, and I haven't seen him since. 然后他不见了之后我再也没看见过他What? Where did you see him last? 什么你最后一次看到他是在哪He went off with this girl. 他跟一个姑娘走了- With a girl? ?- Yeah. -跟一个姑娘吗 -是的Manny. 曼尼Let me tell you a little something about Dunphy men. 让我告诉你邓菲家男儿的一些事When we come into contact with a lady, 当我们遇到女性时we leave her with a burning sensation. 总会给她留下炙热灼烧感[性病]Let me try that again. 这么说有点歧义Um...when a Dunphy man sees a sexy skirt, 当邓菲男儿遇见性感小妞时he's just gotta get in it. 他就必须"深入"她心房- No! ?- I get the point. -不妥 -我懂你意思Look, I'm just glad you came to me... 我很庆幸你是来跟我说I didn't. You caught me here. 我才没有刚好被你逮到而已...'cause I don't want Claire freaking out about this. ? 因为我不想克莱尔知道后慌张失控Luke's phone is going straight to voicemail. 卢克的电话转到语音信箱了Someone's got a sock on the digital doorknob. 有人在数码门把手上挂了袜子哦Someone's got a sock on the digital doorknob. 暗示正在房间里亲密请勿打扰I really think you should be a little worried about this. 我真的觉得你该担心一下Worried?! 担心Let me tell you something about Dunphy men. 让我告诉你邓菲家男儿的一些事Phil, this was a pretty rough neighborhood. 菲尔那一区龙蛇混杂很不安全Tell you what, 这样吧if it makes you feel better, 如果能让你放心些we'll go down there and look around for him. 我们一起去那里找找他We're gonna need backup -- serious backup. 我们需要支援强而有力的支援Okay, be cool. 好了淡定I used to live in this neighborhood. 我以前就住在这一区If you act tough, nobody will mess with you. 只要表现得强悍就没人敢惹你Would you like to try 你们想尝尝a cruelty-free alkaline-water snow cone? 人道的碱水刨冰吗a cruelty-free alkaline-water snow cone? 没有应用动物实验的- What? - ?Free sample. -什么 -免费品尝You can get a larger one down at our stand. 去我们铺子有比较大份的We also refurbish tubas. 我们还提供翻修乐器大号的服务No, thank you. 不用谢谢What happened to my neighborhood? 我的街区怎么了Have the best day. 祝你们今天愉快White people with beards -- they ruined everything. 留络腮胡的白人毁了一切Why would you even say that this place was dangerous? 你为什么要说这里危险It was a lot scarier at dark. There was jazz. 晚上这里可怕多了还放着爵士乐呢Luke's still not answering. 卢克还是不接电话We're gonna find him, Phil. 我们会找到他的菲尔Oh, I-I'm not worried. I've been there. 我不担心我经历过Meet a girl, you lose track of place and time, 遇见一个女孩忘了地点和时间not just 'cause your compass watch is missing, 不仅是因为你的罗盘表不见了and suddenly her cousin Rodney has the exact same watch而且她表哥罗德尼突然也有了同一块表but swears it was always his. 他还发誓他有那表很久了Oh, look! Mario's Bodyshop. 瞧瞧马里奥的汽修店At least one thing is still the same. 至少有一样东西还没变There's nothing that happens in this street 这条街上发生的一切that Mario doesn't know about. 地头蛇马里奥全都了如指掌Let's go over there. 我们过去吧So, red lights are flashing, alarms are blaring. 红灯闪烁警报响个不停We're about 10 seconds from a meltdown so hot 还有大概十秒钟反应堆就要熔毁了温度高到it's gonna turn Belgium into a pool of hot chocolate. 会将比利时烧成一汪热巧克力And I suddenly realize, 我突然意识到they haven't properly accounted for the relativistic distort-- 他们没有正确地计算相对扭曲... Hey, what's this building's number? 这栋楼是几号楼I'm trying to Postmates a smoothie. 我想叫杯思慕雪外送I quickly do a few multi-dimensional 我迅速在脑海中进行了tensor calculations in my head, 一些多维张量计算I push this crying guard to one side 我将吓哭的警卫推到一边and adjust the synchrotron. 调整了同步加速器I look up at the countdown clock. 我抬头看着倒计时钟5... 五...4... 四...You, with the phone! 你拿着电话的- What's your name? - Alex Dunphy. -你叫什么 -艾丽克斯·邓菲Ms. Dunphy, is my story of saving the world 邓菲女士我拯救世界whilst accidently creating three new elements boring you?同时意外创造三种新元素的故事让你觉得无聊吗Uh, no. No, no, no, no, no. 没有没有完全没有I'm so sorry, Professor. 很抱歉教授Nothing you could say would ever bore me. 你说的话永远不会让我觉得无聊I revere you. 我尊敬你I actually went as you last year for Halloween. 实际上去年万圣节我扮成了你Okay, it's my phone. Don't blame my sister. 好吧这是我的手机别怪我妹妹Hey, Chelsea. Gonna have to call you back. 切尔西回头再给你回电话- Shut up! Shut up! - ?Shut up! -我不信你闭嘴 -闭嘴Excuse me, Chelsea's friend. 不好意思切尔西的朋友Y-You don't look like one of my students. 你看起来不像是我的学生Oh, thank you! That is so sweet. 谢谢你嘴真甜No. Why are you here? 不是你为什么来这里Oh, I have a really big job interview today, 我今天有个重要的工作面试and I need someone to look over what I wrote for my -- 我需要有人检查下我写的... Yeah, we're going. I'm taking her out. I am so sorry. 我们走了我带她出去很抱歉What? He asked. You're being rude. 干嘛是他问的你太没礼貌了- Very revealing. ?- Get out. -太暴露了 -出去Claire, I'm so glad you called. 克莱尔很高兴你给我打了电话How come we've never done this before? 我们之前怎么从来没聚过Because we were born into a feud. 因为我们两家是世仇Hatfields and McCoys, the Sharks and Jets, 血仇世家哈特菲尔德和麦科伊鲨鱼队和喷气机队the -- the closet lunatic and the closet idiot. 衣柜疯子和衣柜笨蛋- By the way, I'm really sorry about your dad. - ?Thanks. -顺便说一句很遗憾你爸爸去世了 -谢谢Do you have any idea why he had his ashes sent to my dad?你知道他为什么让人把骨灰寄给我爸爸吗- Probably to drive him bonkers. - Well, it's working. -也许是为了把他逼疯吧 -效果拔群That would've made him happy. 他知道了会很高兴的Let's make a pact -- to never be like them. 咱们约定吧永远不要像他们一样I am in. 我同意We are two women in a male-dominated industry. 我们是男性统治行业中的两个女人We should help each other. 我们该帮助彼此Actually, do you have any sources 实际上你知道有谁会做for antique pineapple knobs? 古董菠萝把手吗We're doing this whole colonial line -- 我们在做殖民地系列Ooh, I bet you Lazlo would know. 拉兹罗肯定知道He's our lead designer. 他是我们的首席设计师Everybody knows who Lazlo is. He's a legend. 大家都知道拉兹罗是谁他是个传奇Yeah, and my only employee worth a damn. 也是我唯一一个有价值的员工Robot workers. Now, that's the future. 机器人工人那才是未来Right! They work 24/7, 对啊它们从不休息and you don't have to buy them a birthday cake. 而且你不用给它们买生日蛋糕Yeah, and as they become more human, 机器人变得更像人类时you can be like, "Hey, you, come into my office", 你就可以说你来我办公室- and then you just go to town on them. ?- Yeah. -然后"吃干抹净"了它们 -是啊What the hell? 什么鬼What happened to the bodyshop? 汽修店怎么了Oh, we just kept the sign. 我们只是保留了招牌Oh, uh, so -- so no M-Mario? 马里奥不在了吗Mnh-mnh. We're an artist collective. 是啊我们是艺术家联盟Jillian works in yarn, 吉莉安玩毛线艺术Mumford sculpts with Lego, Duncan is a painter. 芒福德用乐高做雕像邓肯是画家May I write you a poem? 我能给你们写首诗吗Are you kidding me? 你在逗我吗I told you it was a career. 我就跟你说有这职业Um, any chance that you have, uh, seen my son? 你有没有见过我儿子No, I'm sorry. 没有抱歉Oh, okay. He -- He was around here last night. 好吧他昨晚来了这附近He apparently went off with a girl from this neighborhood. 他貌似跟这附近的一个姑娘走了We just haven't been able to reach him since. 从那以后我们再也没能联系上他Do you know the girl's name? 你知道那姑娘的名字吗No. Uh, something Latin-y. 不知道像是个拉丁名字What happened to you? You used to be Latin-y. 你怎么了你以前还是拉丁男孩呢Can you describe her? 能描述一下她的外貌吗Brown hair, high cheekbones -- 棕色头发高颧骨What is he gonna do, build her out of Legos? 跟他说有屁用他用乐高把她做出来吗Huh, that is surprisingly effective. 万万没想到会有如此神效Wait a minute. I know that girl. 等等我认识那姑娘I think she works at a cupcake shop. 她好像在一家小蛋糕店工作Great. Where is it? 真棒在哪里Well, I'm not sure which one because we have four. 我不确定是哪家因为这里有四家There's Cupcakes! With an exclamation point, 一家叫"小蛋糕!" 加了个感叹号there's vegan cupcakes at Cupfakes, 卖素食小蛋糕的"小淡糕"there's Pupcakes, which sells cupcakes for dogs, "狗蛋糕"是买给狗狗的宠物小蛋糕店and then there's Rick's VCR Repair. 还有"瑞克的录像机修理店"Oh, they make the best cupcakes. 那家的小蛋糕最好吃Stupid Max, forcing us to eat our caviar 白痴麦克斯害我们得在on a regular Friday morning. 在如此普通的周五早上吃鱼子酱I can't even enjoy the symphony of flavors, 我根本无法享受鱼子酱的美味or the -- or the way that it melts in my mouth. 或它在我口中融化的感觉Why don't you just wash it down with whatever wine's left.那你干嘛不随便喝口剩下的酒咽下去得了Yeah, why don't I. 对呀干嘛不呢- Cheers. - ?Cheers. -干杯 -干杯Mmm, and, of course, you know what? 果然不出所料你知道吗It pairs perfectly. 这俩绝配I-I cannot believe I'm having one of the best meals of my life我不敢相信我吃着一生最棒的一顿饭and we're not even celebrating anything. 却没有庆祝任何事情Yeah, thanks, Max! 谢谢了麦克斯- Thank you, Max. - ?Thank you, Max. -谢谢了麦克斯 -谢你全家啊麦克斯Cam, is it -- is it -- is it possible 小卡有没有可能that we're actually enjoying ourselves 我们其实真的很享受and -- and that Max was right? 麦克斯是对的Maybe we do defer enjoyment. 或许我们真的总在延迟享受All those unspent frequent flyer miles, 那些没用完的飞行里程the boots that I have waited so long to wear 那我等了好久才穿的靴子that they're no longer in style, 穿时已经过时了the -- the -- the surfboards 还有那些冲浪板that we've never used because 咱们从来没用过it just "had to be the perfect beach day". 因为要等到最完美的冲浪日子What are you doing? 你要干嘛- Mitchell... - I'm lighting it. -米奇尔 -我要点了它-No! - ?I'm lighting it! -不 -我要点了它No, that is our monogrammed wedding candle, 不这是印有名字的婚礼蜡烛and we're supposed to save it. 我们要把它留到特殊场合For what, Cam? 什么场合呢小卡- I don't know! ?- You don't know. -我不知道 -你不知道- I don't. - ?You don't know. -我不知道 -你不知道Ohh...look at it. 看Smells like eternal love. 好像闻到了永恒的爱Aww...oh. ?O-kay. 好吧Why are you always in my office? 为什么你老在我办公室I do my best work in here. ? 我在这儿效率最高I've been trying to get into his head. 我在试着进入他的思路I even brought his favorite lunch -- 我甚至还买了他最喜欢的午饭shrimp cocktail and bourbon. 鸡尾酒虾波本酒Or that's just what you have for lunch every day. 那不过是你每天午餐吃的东西啊That's another thing Earl stole from me! ? 这也是厄尔从我那里偷学走的- What did you find out? - First of all, -你发现什么了 -首先Shirl doesn't know anything about the ashes. 雪儿不知道有关骨灰的任何事And second, we're not gonna be a part of your little feud anymore. 其次我们不会像你俩一样不和- We're gonna be friends. - She's playing you! -我们会成为朋友 -她耍你呢- No... -?Let me ask you a question. -不会 -我问你Did you tell her we're bidding on Belmont Gardens? 你告诉她我们投标贝尔蒙特花园了吗No. Why? 没怎么了Because 15 minutes ago, I got a phone call 因为15分钟前我接到个电话saying just out of the blue, 说突然之间Closets Closets Closets Closets is bidding against us. "衣柜衣柜衣柜衣柜"公司和我们竞标Did she see your proposal? 她看了你的提案了吗Yes, Dad! I'm quite sure she 看了爸我肯定rifled through my bag when I was in the bathroom. 她在我去卫生间的时候翻了我的包You went to the bathroom? 你去卫生间了吗- Why don't you just give her the company?! - Oh, God. -你咋不直接把公司送她呢 -天啊- Bingo! Ketchup! - What does that prove? -你瞧番茄酱 -这说明什么Did she have ketchup for lunch? 她午餐是不是吃了番茄酱She had... french fries. 她的确吃了薯条There's your smoking gun. 证据确凿Margaret? I'm gonna need 玛格丽特我需要fries and ketchup to get in Shirl's head. 薯条和番茄酱来进入雪儿的思路No! No, Shirl wouldn't have done this. 不不雪儿不会这么做的Um, bad news. 坏消息Uh, we finally tracked down those pineapple knobs, 我们好不容易找到的那些菠萝把手but they were all just bought up by Closets... 但刚被买下是衣柜- No. - Closets... -不 -衣柜No, Margaret! 不玛格丽特...Closets Closets. 衣柜衣柜公司Shirl screwed me. 雪儿玩了我You know what you have to do? 你知道你要怎么做吗You've got to hit her where it hurts. 你得戳她的痛处What does she value most? 她最珍视什么Lazlo. 拉兹罗I don't think you understand 我觉得你没明白how humiliating that was for me. 这对我来说有多丢人There are parts of me that will never uncringe. 这尴尬可能会跟随我一生Oh, my God! 天啊So I interrupted some boring story. 我打断了无聊的故事而已Dr. Arvin Fennerman 阿尔文·费诺曼博士is a two-time Vanderkoff Grant winner -- 是一个大奖的两次获得者one for philosophy and one for geometry. 一次是哲学一次是几何学You can't put him into a box 你不能就这么...- because... - Could you please just read my sample? -因为 -你能不能看下我的文章This job is important to me. 这个工作对我来说很重要This is my one shot at a real career. 这是我有一份真正工作的唯一机会Fine, I'll read it. And "real career"? 好我读但"真正工作"吗I've seen this NERP business. 我看过这个诺普公司了Nicole Rosemary Page seems bonkers. 妮可·罗丝玛丽·佩奇看起来就有病Didn't she get in trouble for cannibalism? 她不是因为食人事件出事了吗No. Turns out there are no laws against 没有事实证明没有法律禁止eating your own appendix, 吃自己的阑尾and it does help with fine lines. 而且吃了真的有养颜美容作用But she's a success story. 但她是个成功的典范Child star, bond girl, 童星邦德女郎indie darling before she lost all her money to a Fonzie scheme.在钱全被方氏骗局卷走前还是独立片甜心- Don't you mean Ponzi scheme? - ?Sadly, no. -你说的是庞氏骗局吧 -很遗憾还真不是呢So, out of desperation, she invented NERP, 然后出于绝望她成立了诺普and next thing you know -- boom! Empire. 接下来突然之间就成为商业帝国I just want to be a part of something great. 我只想成为伟大事业的一部分Well, if I'm being honest, 说实话your writing sample's actually pretty good. 你写得还不错Really?! Thank you. 真的吗谢谢Oh, my God. It's Dr. Fennerman. 天啊费诺曼博士Don't think, don't breathe, keep your head down. ?O-kay. 别思考别呼吸头低下Hello. 你们好Sorry! Hello, Doctor. 不好意思你好博士Would you like down sit? 要下坐吗- What? - Kind, that's very you of, Alex. -什么鬼 -太好了你人艾丽克斯Um...tell me again, why were you in my class? 再和我说下你为什么在我的班上I have a very big interview 我有个很重要的面试with Nicole Rosemary Page, and she was just -- 是和妮可·罗丝玛丽·佩奇她刚刚... Ugh! You know she's a snake oil salesman, right? 你知道她是个江湖骗子吧Yes, I know. 我知道People complain about the diarrhea all the time, 人们抱怨一直腹泻but that is the point. 但减肥就是靠这个啊Her science is utter nonsense. 她的科学就是一派胡言I mean, space stickers that give you energy, 什么能给你能量的宇宙贴纸and crystals that absorb Wi-Fi, 能吸收无线网信号的水晶and seriously -- $1,200 socks? 1200块一双的袜子有没有搞错Those sheep eat nothing but sushi. 做袜子的羊毛出自只吃寿司的羊- Are we done here? - Surprisingly, not. -我们说完没有 -神奇的是没有This might sound crazy, but... 这或许听起来很疯狂但I'm going to marry you. 我要和你结婚What?! 什么I'm sorry, first time talking to a real girl? 抱歉你第一次和活生生的女生说话吗No, l-l-listen. I-I-I don't get it. 不听我说我也搞不懂Frankly, it boggles the mind, 其实我也吓到了but I've been running 但自从刚才遇见你dozens of probability scenarios in my head since we met,我在脑袋里运算了数十种可能的情形and-and they all end with us... 最终结果都是我们...together. 在一起了I have heard some lame pickup lines in my day, but -- 我这辈子也听过不少很瞎的搭讪词但...I have plenty of those. 那种词我也有不少存货Are you a neuro-electrical current 你是神经电流吗because you've been running through my mind all day? 因为你整天都在我脑袋里跑来跑去But th-th-that's not what this is. 但这次不一样This is going to happen, Haley Dunphy. 咱俩肯定会在一起海莉·邓菲- Ew, how do you know my name? - I know everything. -你怎么知道我的名字 -我什么都知道Also, your pass has your name written on it. 而且你的通行证上面有名字I think I'm gonna pass out. 我觉得我要晕过去了Right, I've just air-dropped my contact info to your phone.我把我的联系方式空投到你电话上了You just tap to accept it. 要不你就按一下接受Uh, yeah, not gonna...tap that. 我是不会"要"的I think you will. 我认为你会的Haley, there are forces in the universe 海莉宇宙中有许多力that we don't understand... 是我们无法理解的measurable forces that...can't be explained, 可测却无法解释的力but cannot be denied... 但没人能否认它的存在and that's-that's what this is. 咱俩之间就是这样I don't get it, but...I know that it's real. 我也无法理解但我知道它是真实存在的That was so dumb! 这也太智障了吧What? No, it wasn't. You're-you're dumb. 什么哪里智障你才智障That's gonna stick. I'm-I'm in your head. 会烙印进你脑海的我已在你脑海之中- Okay. ?- You'll see. -好吧 -等着瞧Sure, buddy. Now try and walk away cool. 行行行兄弟走人时尽量走得帅一点- Oh, I will. - ?Okay. -我会的 -那好We were standing right here making out. 我们本来在这里亲热All of a sudden, he said, "I'll be right back", 突然间他说"我去去就回"and that was the last I saw of him. 之后我就没见过他了You guys, my break is over, 各位我的休息时间结束了but I hope you find him. 我希望你们能找到他Thank you for your help, 谢谢你的帮助and the cupcakes are delicious, by the way. 顺带一提小蛋糕很好吃- Those are for dogs. - Oh, no. -那是给狗狗吃的 -不是吧- Ay, Phil, are you okay? - Yeah, yeah. -菲尔你没事吧 -没事没事I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation 我很肯定卢克是有什么充分的理由why Luke would abandon a make-out sesh. 才会放弃和女孩亲热No, there isn't. 不根本没有A Dunphy man would never do that. 邓菲家的男人永远不会那样做We walk away from fights, we walk away from spiders, 我们会临阵脱逃被蜘蛛吓跑but never a super-cute girl who smells like frosting! 但永远不会离开身上有糖霜味的可爱女孩You have to stay positive. 你得保持乐观Nothing bad ever happens this close to a Pottery Barn. 高级家具店的附近从来不会出什么事I've been putting on a brave face 我一直在假装勇敢to squash the darkness inside of me, 来压制内心的黑暗but what if the worst has happened? 但万一发生了最坏的状况呢How will I tell Claire? I won't. 我该怎么和克莱尔说我不说I'll have to smother her with a pillow to spare her the pain, 我得用枕头捂死她免得她伤心but then Jay will have lost a daughter. 但那样杰就会失去女儿I'll have to smother him, too. 我得把他也捂死That's two pillows from the same set. It's a pattern. 那两只枕头是成套的成了我的惯用手法- The police are after me! - ?Get ahold of yourself! -我被警察盯上了 -给老娘打起精神来What the hell? 你手也太重了It wasn't me. Look, I'm still cocked! 不是我你瞧我手还没落下去呢It was a shoe. 是只鞋Wait, that's... 等等这是that's Luke's. 是卢克的鞋Luke! You're okay! 卢克你没事I got stuck on the roof. 我被困在屋顶上了I'm so relieved! 这下我放心了I don't have to kill your mother! 我不用捂死你妈了Turns out, Luke had to go to the bathroom. 原来卢克当时要上厕所Someone told him it was upstairs, 有人告诉他厕所在楼上so he walked all the way up to the roof 他就一路上到了屋顶and locked himself out. 不小心把自己反锁在屋顶了His phone was dead, and he-he lost his voice 他电话没电了街上音乐声太大trying to scream over the street musicians. 他大声喊得嗓子也哑了I was so relieved, I ran up there and gave him a big kiss. 我松了口气跑上去狠狠亲了他一口Gloria! 歌洛莉亚Hi. We're stuck. 我们被困住了Could you pop on up and open the door? 你上来帮我们开个门行吗Dunphy men. 邓菲家男儿啊Hello, Lazlo. 你好拉兹萝- It's pronounced "Lazlo". ?- That's what I said. -发音是"拉兹罗" -我就是这么念的啊Thank you so much for meeting with us. 谢谢你来见我们Have you had a chance to consider our offer 你有没有考虑我们的提议to join Pritchett's Closets? 加入普利切特衣柜I'm intrigued, but I have a list of demands. 我有兴趣但我有张条件单Ah, yes, of course. 好的当然We have, uh... 条件有...uh, "Two turquoise bowls of white Chiclets, "两个装满白色口香糖的绿松石碗an empty office with a drain in the floor..." 有地漏的空办公室"- What's a "Scream room"? - I think that's self-explanatory. -"尖叫室"是什么 -这还用解释吗Pritchett! 普里契特Girl Earl! 厄尔闺女You're actually trying to poach Lazlo from me? 你居然想从我这挖走拉兹罗I thought we were friends. 我还以为我们是朋友We were, and then you bought all my pineapple knobs. 本来是可你买走了所有菠萝门把手- As a gift! ?- What? -买来送你的 -什么- I had them sent to you. - You did? -我发到你那去了 -是吗Don't listen to her. 别被她蛊惑This is all part of some sick plan. 这都是她变态计划的一部分Stealing Claire's proposals, 偷看克莱尔的提案Earl's urn to get in my head. 送来厄尔的骨灰让我闹心But your little games are not gonna work. 但你的小伎俩是不会成功的Yeah. Yeah, how do you explain 是的你要怎么解释the red ketchup stains on my proposal, French Fries? 我提案上面的番茄酱薯条妹。

How you doing? 你好啊Phil Dunphy. 我是菲尔·邓菲What do I have to do to get you to ask 我要如何才能让你张口问说"What do I have to do to get you into this car today?" "我要如何才能让你看上这辆车" Well, why don't we start it with a test drive? 要不我们先来个试驾你看怎么样I'll get the keys. 我去拿钥匙Sounds good. 听起来不错Right where I want him. 正合我意啊Come here. Come look at this. 快过来瞅瞅这个This thing warns you 一旦你偏离了行车道if you deviate from your lane. 这玩意儿就会提醒你In my car, that's my wife. 我车就不用有我老婆在就行"Andre, if you try to kill me, "安德烈你要是开车不管我死活I swear I will kill you!" 我就替天行道先收了你"Well, I guess this is what I'll be driving 我想接下来的39个月陪伴我的for the next 39 months. 就会是这辆车了This is my D.N.A. talking, 休怪我观察力太明锐But you do not seem sufficiently excited 这可是一辆全新的凯迪拉克啊about the prospect of driving a new Cadillac. 也瞅着能开上也没见你有多兴奋啊No, it's great. I've just leased the same thing forever. 没我兴奋得很只是比较念旧而已Part of me wants to shake things up. 但内心深处其实想弄点刺激的I don't know. 我也说不清Get something like... 比如换一个...Like that. 那样的Colonel Klink, that is nice. 克里克上校风范赞啊We took Lily on her first train ride. 我们第一次带着莉莉坐城铁Just a quick trip to chinatown. 去唐人街的短途路程I was worried she would think 原本还担心她会误以为We were taking her back to Vietnam, 我们要把她送回越南But she seemed okay. 不过她表现还好Yeah, yeah. 可不是嘛Possibly because she was an infant when she left vietnam.可能因为她离开越南时还只是个婴儿吧Also, Vietnam is not China. 其次越南和中国是两码事Well, I had a lollipop with me just in case. 不过我带上根棒棒糖以防万一I love that we're doing this. 我真开心我们能这么做It's important for her to explore the city she lives in. 慢慢涉足她生活的城市对她很重要So much diversity. 真是鱼龙混杂啊Keep your wallet in your front pocket. 快把钱包放你前面的口袋里My shoe's untied. 我的鞋带散了Oh, sweetie, it is. Here, have a seat. 小乖乖是哦来先坐下Right here. There you go. Hey, hold bunny. 就这里好样的小兔兔拿好- No! No, no, no, no, no, no! - Bunny! -不不不不 -小兔兔How did you miss that, Mitchell? 你怎么就没接住呢米奇尔Mr. Conductor! I-I... 列车长我...What? 那什么I was purell-ing! 我在给手消毒呢And it's me! Why would you toss it? 我不就这样嘛你干嘛突然扔过来Because my hands were full? 我手忙不过来了这理由充分吗I want bunny! 还我小兔兔I know. W--okay, I have an idea. 知道好的我有个主意Let's catch the next train and ride it till it catches up. 我们赶下一班城铁然后去追前面那班They don't catch up. That's called a collision. 城铁是追不上的追上了那叫相撞Okay, well, do you have a better idea? 那行你说你想一个更好的办法呢- You're the one that lost it. - No, you tossed it. -就是你弄丢的 -不是你扔丢的He who tossed it lost it. 扔的人才是弄丢的人Don't try to clever your way out of this. 别为了推卸责任跟我耍嘴皮子Daddy lost bunny. 爸爸弄丢了兔兔She means you. 她说的是你Oh, I wanted a car like this since I was a kid. 自打小时候我就梦想着能有这么一辆车Me, too. 我也是I used to imagine the wind blowing through my perm, 我曾想象着那风掠过我的发梢blasting some hall & oates, 再配上霍尔与奥兹的歌maybe horsing around with my mr. Microphone... 和我的麦克疯先生一起逍遥自在Yeah, we wouldn't have been friends back then. 得了那会儿咱俩还没那么熟You should buy it. 心动不如行动啊No, it's not practical. 不这太不切实际了Practical? You never see a person on their deathbed 实际你见过人临死之前躺床上saying, "I wish I'd have been more practical." 说 "我要是在活得在实际点就好了"I see a lot of people on their deathbed, Phil. 临死之人的肺腑之言我见得多了菲尔A lot. 多了去了I thought you operated on knees and elbows. 你不就是给膝盖胳膊肘什么的动动手术嘛Phil, this is a nice car. 菲尔这车真的不错And it's half the price of a new car. 价格也只有新车的一半而已If you don't buy it, I will. 你要是不买我就上了What would Claire say? 克莱尔知道可怎么办You know what? Maybe we should find you 那好吧我们去找那种特殊构造的车Something with a little more lumbar support. 那种可以让你挺直腰杆的车Yeah. You know, with you not having a spine and all. 知道吗你要是自己连个主心骨都没有- I have a spine. - Do you have a spine? -我有主心骨 -你确定你有主心骨吗- I have a spine. - So wanna take it for a spin? -我有主心骨 -要去兜风测测性能吗You know what? I'd rather take her for a spin. 这样吧我更想测测她的"性能"Let's get her top down 赶紧把她放平整利索了and see what she can do. 看看她"性能"如何I'm--no, I meant the convertible. 我... 我说的是那敞篷车Well, I just talked to the concierge, 我刚跟那大堂经理聊了下and room service will save me a bread pudding. 客房服务能帮我留一块面包布丁Load off my mind. 那我总算放心了You mock me, but "Travel and leisure" 尽管嘲笑我不过《旅游与休闲》杂志Says it's not to be missed. 可说了那是不能错过的美食This weekend, we're going up to pebble beach. 这周末我们一家要去卵石滩[加州] I'm gonna meet a bunch of guys 去会一会那群高中I played high school football with. 一起打橄榄球的老朋友们Man, those were the good old days. 天啊那段岁月可真是难忘Yeah, unless you were a woman, 是啊你要是女人或者black, hispanic, or gay. 黑人西裔同性恋那日子就糟糕了True, but if you were a straight white guy 没错不过你要是一个白种的直男who played football, 还打橄榄球you really couldn't have a bad day. 原来生活可以更美的Gloria? 歌洛莉亚Which watch should I pack? 我该戴哪块表This one's showier. This one's more expensive. 这快霸气外漏这款价值连城Why do you care so much about a watch? 就一块表而已你干吗这么在乎How do I say this without sounding like an ass? 我要怎么跟你说才不会显得太臭屁呢I'm kind of a legend to these guys. 那帮人可当我是个传奇人物Not like that. 这么说不行Who's your daddy? 快看谁最屌Whoa! Whose car is this? 哇哦这车是谁的啊- Mine! - I talked him into it. -我的 -我说服他买的Seriously? Mom's gonna let you have this? 真的吗买这车老妈没意见吗Luke, luke, luke... 卢克卢克卢克...Where is she? 你妈人呢Dad, I don't like this. 老爸这车我很不喜欢Why not? 为什么My friend molly's dad bought a sports car, 我朋友茉莉她爸就买了辆跑车and now he lives in a studio apartment 现在他住在一个单间公寓里and dates a girl who works at Forever 21, 跟一个在"永驻21岁"上班的姑娘约会and dates a girl who works at Forever 21, Forever 21:美国服装品牌which she won't be for two years. 这姑娘可两年后才到21岁Hear that? 听到没Honey, I'm not leaving your mom. 宝贝们我不会抛下你们母亲的Might not be your call. 或许还真由不得你Oh, my god, it's so pretty! 我的天啊这车太炫了I love it! And I love you, 我爱死它了也爱死你了and I promise I'll take super good care of it! 我答应你一定格外小心地驾驶它Can I tell her? 能让我来说吗Please. I ask for so little. 求你了我要求的事并不多Alex, be nice to your sister. 艾丽克斯姐妹俩要和睦It's dad's car, not yours. 这是老爸的车不是你的What? But you're too old for this! 说什么老土的你和这新潮的车不搭啊It's just like last year 就跟去年一个样when you wouldn't take off those skinny jeans. 你死也不愿意脱下那些紧身牛仔裤Wouldn't or couldn't? 不愿脱还是没法脱Hey. I looked hot. 我穿的可劲爆呢And you look hot in this car. 你配上这车也一样劲爆Let me tell you something about your dad. 让我来告诉你们一些你们老爸的事儿Your dad is a man who knows what he wants, 你们的爸爸是个目标明确的人and he gets it. 而且说到做到At least that's what I heard. You know, I was there 反正我是这么听说的你们懂的more as a friend and an observer than anything. 当局者迷旁观者清嘛- Andre. - Hey, Claire. -安德烈 -你好克莱尔Honey. Is this the new car? 亲爱的这是你买的新车吗I know it looks impractical, 我知道看起来不实用but Andre's seen a lot of people die. 不过安德烈跟我说了好些临死之人的事I'm not upset. 我没有不高兴I'm not upset. It's a beautiful car. 没生气这车挺漂亮Just surprised you didn't get the sedan, that's all. 就是没想到你没买辆大车仅此而已Beautiful. 不错Good seeing, you, Cl-- 见到你很高兴克莱...Mm. It's beautiful. 真的很漂亮What just happened? 刚刚是怎么回事She did not blink once. 她眼都没眨一下Do you wanna come in for a minute? 进去坐一会儿吧No, I gotta... You know, I gotta get to the wife. 不了我得你知道找我老婆去Well, do you... 你要不要- Uh, do you need a ride or anything? - No. No, no, -要不要我送你一程 -不用不用I'm gonna, uh, I'm-a jog. 我打算跑回去- Why--why are you running? - I'm just gonna jog! -你干嘛跑啊 -我跑步回去就行了Lily was up all night because she didn't have bunny, 莉莉没了兔兔一晚上没合眼which means that we were up all night 我们也跟着不能睡because she didn't have bunny. 因为她的兔兔没了God, she must have cried for... 天哪她肯定哭了有How long was it, Cam? 多久来着小卡Cam. Cam. 小卡小卡Oh, sorry. 不好意思Uh, last night was rough because Lily... 昨晚上太混乱了因为莉莉的- Covered it. - didn't have bunny. -说过了 -兔兔不见了Jay, tell me, why are we on the runway? 杰说啊我们到跑道上来干嘛Surprise! We're taking a private plane. 大惊喜我们要乘私人飞机去Wow! I've never been on a private plane! 我还从没坐过私人飞机呢And you never will. 以后也别想坐I am not getting on that little thing! 我不会上那个小玩意儿的What if the rubber band snaps and we fall out of the sky? 要是皮筋断了我们掉下来怎么办It's perfectly safe. It's a legitimate airline! 安全系数很高的人家是正规航线Hey, folks. 你们好Whoa. Nobody said three. 怎么有三个人All right. Before we take off, 好吧起飞前I'm gonna need to get everyone's weight here. 我得登记一下各位的体重- No problem. I'm about 190. - Okay. -没问题我有95公斤 -好的Oh, yeah. In that case, I'm 275. 要问我的话我137公斤Gloria, I would never put you and Manny in danger. 歌洛莉亚我不会让你和曼尼有危险的Now come on! Trust me on this! 走吧相信我这一回Beautiful. 太棒了It's American music the whole way, 这一路都得听美国音乐and I don't wanna hear a word. 谁也别说话- How you doing there, sport? - Great. Yeah. -怎么样了跑车男 -棒极了Awesome. You know what's awesome? 帅呆了你知道帅在哪儿吗Is this car has the engine in the trunk, 这辆车的发动机在后备箱里so that means I get to... 这就意味着我得...Put these signs in the seat, which is cool. 把这些展板放在座位上真酷Very cool. 是相当酷What? 怎么了Oh, nothing. My, uh, client just wants me 没什么客户想让我to pick her up on the way to the open house, 载她一起过去看房which is great. I'll, uh, drop the sign off 没问题我只要把展板拿下来and just swing across town to... 然后穿过镇子Oh. She's bringing her mom and a designer. 她还要带上她妈妈和设计师Well, maybe they'll fit in the trunk. 说不定后备箱坐得下Here it comes! 我就知道你要说What? I was making a joke. 哪里我开玩笑的What's your game, woman? 小女子你耍的什么把戏I have no game. You're an adult. You can make your own choices. 没什么你是成年人能自己做主Since when? 我什么时候有这待遇了Do you wanna borrow the minivan? 你想借用这面包车吗Yes, please. 对求求你了Okay, fine. Then you're gonna have to pick up the kids from school. 行那你去接孩子放学Okay, I can't take it. 好吧我投降If you got something to say, just say it. 你想说什么尽管往我这儿招呼吧I have nothing to say. 我无话可说- That just says it all. - Well...Ok. -不言自明了 -随你怎么想吧All--all right. Thank you, Serena. 行好谢了塞丽娜See you tonight. 晚上见Good news--they rescheduled my massage for the morning. 好消息他们帮我把按摩时间调早上了Bad news--it's a dude. 坏消息是按摩师换成男的了Don't blame me. It's your mom's fault. 别怪我要怪怪你妈Do you know how many people have died in these planes?你知道有多少人因为乘这种飞机丧命了吗Do you know how many people have died in these planes? 三位都是美国著名歌手均因小型飞机失事丧生John Denver, 约翰·丹沃Patsy Cline, 佩茜·克琳Ritchie Valens. 里奇·瓦伦斯I've heard you sing. I think you're safe. 就你那破锣嗓我保你没事All right, look, 行了听着The welcome dinner starts in four hours. 欢迎晚宴四小时后开始It's a 5-hour drive. 我们开到那儿要五个小时No bathroom breaks. 路上没时间上厕所了Yeah, I think you're gonna want to hold on to that cup. 所以我劝你还是少喝点儿Damn it! 糟糕- What was that? - Giant pothole. -怎么回事 -一个大坑The dash is lighting up like a christmas tree. 撞得火花四溅了都Tire's blown! 轮胎破了This never would have happened if we were in the air! 要是在天上就不会有这种事了If this had happened in the air, we wouldn't be in the air. 要是天上发生这种事我们就没活路了We would be in rock 'n' roll heaven! 我们就上天堂唱摇滚了Okay, what do you think? 你觉得怎么样I'm gonna put these in the subway. 我打算把这些贴到地铁里去Okay, it looks like, uh, Lily's missing 这张看起来好像是莉莉丢了and we're offering $25 to get her back. 然后我们悬赏二十五美元把她找回来Oh, don't be ridiculous. No one in their right mind-- 荒唐正常的人怎么会... Okay. That's all I see now. 好吧现在我也这么觉得了- How about this one? - Okay. Um... -这张呢 -我看看"Missing--stuffed bunny. Brown and white fur. 毛绒兔子失踪毛色灰白相间Sympathetic eyes." What are sympathetic eyes? 富有同情心的眼神解释一下这句Not those. 反正不是你那样I just--I don't really love the idea 我只是没法接受of our phone number being up in the subway. 把我们的电话号码贴得地铁里到处都是Okay, let's play a different game. 行那我们换个方式How about I be the problem, and you be the solution? 我来提问你来解决如何I'm sorry. I shouldn't be so critical. 对不起我不应该吹毛求疵的I know you're just trying to--got it! 我知道你不过是想有了Just came up with a better idea. 突然想到一个好主意Took me less than five seconds. 花了我五秒钟不到Okay... 我看看I can't hear you. What? 我听不见什么Window. 窗玻璃摇下来I don't know... 我不会弄Gah! What did I do? 我按了什么Oh. Oh, my. 天哪- Yes. Hi. - Hey, nice car. -你好 -你好车不错Thank you. 谢谢You gonna drive up the coast, or... 你是去海边吗还是Oh, no. I'm gonna do some errands, actually. 不是就是去办点事Yeah, 'cause other people might go and buy a crazy car 有些人可能会去买辆离谱的车with an engine in the-- in the trunk, but not me. 发动机还在后备箱里我可不会No. I'm responsible. Mm-hmm. 不我是个负责任的人We have three kids. You can't pick up three kids in this car. 我们有三个孩子这车怎么坐得下You can't. 根本坐不下You--it... It... 你这个I'll get you... Catch ya. 我会追上你的来了I'm going! 走了Maybe I was a teeny bit mad. 也许我确实有那么一点点搓火So I blew off my errands and headed up the coast. 于是我抛开琐事驶向大海It was my turn to be irresponsible. 是时候让我潇洒走一回了And luckily, I had sunscreen in my purse. 幸好我包包里还有墨镜Well, your strut's shot, 你的车架坏了And we can't get parts for at least a day. 更换的零件要过一天才能到Fantastic. 这下好了I don't suppose 依我看there's any place you can rent cars anywhere around here? 你们这儿也没租车的地方吧Know what, sir? We're not some one-horse town. 先生这小镇没你想象的那么落后Of course you can rent a car. 当然能租到车It just happens to be out for the day. 只是不巧都租完了Unbelievable. 难以置信- We're gonna miss the whole weekend. - I am sorry, Jay. -整个周末都泡汤了 -很抱歉杰I know how much you mean to those guys, 我知道他们把你看得有多重and I know how much they want to see you. 也知道他们有多想见你I'm so sorry. 真是不好意思Uh, excuse me. 容我说一句You are... 你真的是so pretty. 太漂亮了And if you really need to get somewhere, 如果你们真的必须要去哪儿maybe I can help you out. 或许我能帮上忙Ay, yes, please! Thank you! Anything! 好啊拜托了谢谢怎样都行Check it out. Restored it myself. 瞧瞧我私藏的宝贝No. 不行I did not get in the little plane at the little airport! 我才不在这小机场里上这架这个小飞机I'm not gonna get in this... 死也不坐这个...flown by that guy that couldn't fix our car! 开飞机的还是这个连车都修不好的家伙Gloria, it's either this, 歌洛莉亚要么就坐这个or we're in the motel. 要么只好住汽车旅馆了I don't like the sound of that. 现在这情况可不怎么乐观A lot of amenities disappear 旅馆前面一加上汽车二字when an "H" Becomes an "M." 档次立马跟着灰飞烟灭You know, when I met you, 知道吗咱俩刚见面那会儿you were eating cereal out of a bucket. 你还只是个从桶里扒麦片吃的小屁孩儿Hey, Lily, guess what? 嘿莉莉你猜怎么着What? 什么事Uh, we just heard from Bunny. 兔兔给我们传信了This is a terrible idea. 这办法糟透了No, it's fantastic. 不这办法好极了Bunny said he's on an amazing adventure 兔兔说他正在经历一场华丽的冒险having the time of his life, 并且特别享受那种生活And that you should pick one of his best friends 还说你应该选一个他的好朋友to sleep with while he's gone. 在他外出的这段时间陪你入眠Bunny doesn't talk. 兔兔不会说话This is going great. 进行得"真"顺利He does now, because-- 他现在会说了因为because he took talking lessons. 因为他上语文课了So what do you think, huh? 那你想选哪一个呢Turtle or giraffe 小海龟还是长颈鹿or, uh, little reindeer? 还是呃小驯鹿呢Where's bunny now? 兔兔现在在哪儿Uh, St. Louis. 呃在圣路易斯Why? 为什么He's visiting his girlfriend. 他去看他女朋友了He doesn't have a girlfriend. 他没有女朋友He has a boyfriend! 他有个男盆友I want bunny! 还我兔兔Okay. No, no, Lily. 好吧等等莉莉Lily, uh, what about miss, uh, teddy bear? 莉莉要不选泰迪熊吧Huh? No? Uh, Dr. Tiger? No? 不好吗那老虎博士呢也不好吗Mr. Fish? 鱼先生呢I want bunny. I'm going to St. Louis. 我要兔兔我要去圣路易斯Really? You don't know nemo? 不是吧这鱼叫"尼莫"都不知道It's on an endless loop in the den. 屋里可都是循环播放着的I have a job. 我可没那闲工夫And then Bodie kicked it to me, 然后博迪传球给我and I dribbled it past Michael and got it to Tyler... 我带球过了迈克传给了泰勒I was bummed not to be in my new cool car, 开不上崭新的靓车我很不爽so I wasn't joking around with the kids like I usually do. 所以我没有像平时一样跟孩子们嬉闹And I would've scored if that kid didn't trip me. 要不是被那小子绊倒我就射门得分了I can't believe the ref didn't see it. 裁判居然没看到I bet Olivia saw it. 奥利维亚肯定看到了She's always watching you when you play. 你踢球时她总是盯着你Yeah, I know. It's like she's in love with soccer. 是啊我知道看来她很喜欢足球Ugh. Stop texting me! 唉别再给我发短信了What? 怎么了Corey. He is so clingy. 是科里他太黏人了Corey. He is so clingy. 该换男朋友了哦(说的是汉语你信吗)But, you know, there's something about driving your kids around. 但是开车接送孩子还是有好处的You're in the front, they're in the back. 你在前排他们在后排They forget you're there, 他们忘记你在那儿and you learn so much. 于是你知道了许多事儿You're like sigourney weaver in "Gorillas in the mist."感觉我像《雾中猩猩》里的西格妮·韦弗Except gorillas make less noise chewing. 不过猩猩的咀嚼声比较小Once I hit the coast highway, I didn't stop. 一开上沿海公路我就一路狂飙I turned off my cell phone. 关掉了手机I ate fish tacos for lunch. It was insane! 午饭吃了鱼肉卷真是太疯狂了I haven't felt that free in years. 好多年都没这种自由的感觉了All my stress completely disappeared... 压力一下子就不见踪影了And so did my keys. 车钥匙也一并没了I'm sorry, but... These signs are ridiculous. 抱歉但这些标志真是傻到家了Oh, you're right. I should have used helvetica. 你说得对我应该用赫维提卡字体It much better represents the urgency of our situation. 这样也更符合我们目前火烧眉毛的状况No, the lengths that we're going to for a stuffed animal. 不我是说咱费尽心思就为找个娃娃You know, cam, maybe it's time lily learned about loss. 小卡该让莉莉体会什么是"失去"了No, she's 3, and I know. 不她才三岁这事我懂Do you know how many times 你知道吗在农场时I had to say good-bye to a furry friend on the farm? 我不得不无数次和动物朋友们告别And didn't it make you stronger? 不正是它们让你变得更强壮了吗Yeah, because I was a growing boy 没错那时我正在长身体and they were chock-full of protein. 而它们富含了蛋白质高营养But it was still heartbreaking. 但终究这事还是会让我心碎It builds character. 这塑造了人的品质You know, once, when I was a kid, 我小时候有一回my dad left my Luke Skywalker doll on an airplane, 我爸把我的卢克·天行者玩偶遗失在机场- and I was so angry-- - Wait, which--which Luke? -我特别气 -等会儿哪一款卢克Shorty robe or dress blacks? 穿短袍的还是黑衣的- Shorty robe. - Oh, my. -穿短袍的 -天呐And you know what he did to get it back? 你知道他怎么捡回它吗Not a damn thing. Nope. 他什么都没干什么都没He didn't lift one pudgy finger 他连动几个手指头去to make a single phone call, 打个电话的都没有and I got over it. 而我挺过来了Yeah, well, I want you and Lily 是啊我希望你和莉莉to have the same healthy relationship 能有健康的父女关系you and your father have. For sure. 就像你和你爹这样必须的All right, give me these flyers. 好吧把传单给我I'm gonna take everything to this side of the homeless guy. 我把它们发给这些流浪汉Mitchell! 米奇尔Sorry, what are we supposed to say now 我错了我们该怎么称呼他们呢Home-challenged? Or... 无家可归的人还是啥No, look! 不快看Oh, my god! It's bunny! 天呐是兔兔Oh, Lily's gonna be so happy. 莉莉会高兴坏了的Oh, that's so great. Go ahead and get it. 真是太好了快去拿回来- What, me? - Yeah. -啥我去 -对啊Why should I go and get it? 干嘛让我去拿回来Well, I-I'm not gonna do it. 我才不会去呢Why? I spotted it. 为什么是我发现的You're closer. 你离得近It's your journey. Luke skywalker? 这是你的使命想想"卢克·天行者" Pattern-breaking? Your father? Get in there. 想想"超越自我" 想想你爹快去Fine. 好吧Sir--hi, sir. 嗨先生Hello, you--you... 你好你你Hello. 你好Hello. 你好He-hello? Sir... 你好先生- I-I can't... - Oh, for god sakes! -我不能 -我的老天爷啊- Let her hate us. - You turned out great. -她要狠咱就恨吧 -你处理得很得体- I did, didn't I? - You're a big lawyer. -我也这么觉得 -不愧是个大律师This is not the massage I had in mind. 我预想中的按摩可不是这样的All right. 好的Okay. 这样In about an hour, a train goes through town 大约一小时后有辆火车会经过这儿that will get us close to pebble beach. 可以把我们带到卵石滩那儿Now it's not technically a-a passenger train, 严格意义上说这不是一辆客车- so it won't be stopping. - What? -所以不会停站 -什么So we gotta get running real good. 咱们到时候得跑快点No high-heeled shoes. And it wouldn't be wrong 高跟鞋就算了吧还有带上那毛毯if we took that blanket with us, either, huh? 应该也能排上用场了吧So what do you say? Anybody up for a hobo adventure? 你们觉得如何来一场流浪大冒险如何If we're voting, I'm a "No". 真要投票的话我反对Manny, we're gonna be right back. 曼尼我们出去一会儿就回来We're gonna get some ice from the machine in the parking lot.我们去停车场那个机器里弄点冰块回来Classy. 够上档次Jay, this is getting crazy. Is it worth it? 杰这是要闹哪样有意思吗I wanna see the old gang. 我就想会会三五老友而已Do you wanna see them or you want to show off to them? 你是真心想见他们还是单纯想去炫耀The private plane, the fancy watch. 私人飞机啊名贵手表啊You still want to feel 你只是想回味that you're the big kahuna on the campus. 自己在大学里当大佬的滋味吧That's not it. That's not even a thing. 才没有呢我压根没往那方面想You know what? I'm taking Manny home. 我要带曼尼回家了If you want to go in the takka-takka-takka-takka, 如果你执意要去坐...okay, go to pebble beach by yourself. 成你就一个人去吧No, what? That's not the plan. 不要说什么呢计划不是这样的If you wanna go there so bad, 如果你那么想去that's the only way you're gonna get there. 这就是唯一的办法了I'm not trying to get me there. 不是我自己想要去那儿I'm trying to get you there! 我是想带你去那儿- What? - Look... -什么 -听着I may have exaggerated the size... kahuna I was. 关于当大佬的事我有点言过其实I may not... 我可能technically have been a kahuna. 严格意义上来说都没当过大佬I was shy, and I spent most of my time... 我那时很怯懦大多时间我都是on the bench. 坐在学校长椅上But you always made it sound like you-- 可你一直说得好像自己当时很...Oh, I know what I made it sound like. 我知道自己吹成什么样People didn't expect much from me, 人们都觉得我不会有大出息and, um... 还有they certainly didn't expect me 他们肯定没想到to end up with... somebody like you. 我会和你这样的美人走到一起So this is all about you 所以你只是把我当成个parading me around like a trophy? 奖杯抱过去耀武扬威是吗Yes. 没错Why didn't you say so? 你干嘛早不讲I can be a trophy! 做奖杯扮花瓶我可最在行Come on. We need to get this up to pebble beach. 好啦赶紧把这个尤物带去卵石滩吧Manny! We're leaving! Get ready! 曼尼出发啦快收拾一下Oh, good. If we get out of here in the next ten minutes, 太棒了我们十分钟内离开的话we don't have to pay for the second hour. 就只用付一个小时的房费How you doing there, sport? 玩得怎么样啊开跑车的- I'm sorry. - That's okay. -真抱歉 -没事啦Thanks. 多谢So... 那Whatcha doing all the way up here? 跑这么远来做什么Did someone snap? 是不是生气啦A little. Yeah. 没错有一点I was mad at you for buying that stupid sports car. 就因为你买那辆破跑车I knew it! 我就知道And I was wrong. 但我错了It's a great car. God, I had the best day. 这车太棒了一整天都棒极了Phil, I did cartwheels. 菲尔我还做了侧手翻Without me? 不带我吗Yeah. 对Hey, did you know there's a girl with a crush on Luke? 你知道有小姑娘喜欢上咱家卢克了吗- Olivia. - Yeah. -奥利维亚吧 -对Oh, and Haley's totally done with Corey. 海莉跟科里彻底玩完了That's new. 这我倒不知道Alex is teaching herself Chinese 艾丽克斯在自学汉语so she'll be useful when they finish buying us. 等回头中国把咱全部收购后可以派上用场She's so weird. 她就是个怪小孩I really want to be able to drive the kids around. 我真的很想驾车带孩子们四处逛逛I need a bigger car for work. I made a mistake. 我本该买个大点的车上班用是我错了No, you didn't. You bought it for a reason. 你没犯错你买它是有原因的When did we stop coming to the beach? 为什么咱们后来就不到海边来了I think it was when Alex 好像是从艾丽克斯started printing out water quality reports. 绘制水质报告开始的She'll be China's problem soon. 以后该头痛的就是中国了[来研究食品质量吧]You know... 你知道吗。

Why there are giant lolipops all over the front yard? And why they taste so bad?Because they are made of cardboard, mouth breather. Hey, the world needs more dreamers, LukeNever stop licking things.I know it's lame,but after last year we promised the neighbourswe would keep our decorations more family friendly. We can't carve a pumpkin?The petition was very specific.Every Halloween, we have the best house.Last year, I took things to a whole new level.But appearently it's too scary for some kids.And one adult.Trick-or-treat!Would you like some candy?Yeah!Or would you rather have this?Come on. You're fine.I don't care what anyone says.You did not give that man a heart attack.Thank you.I mean, you're not even scary.Can I grab a little bit of this candyfor my open house tonight?Uh, yeah, sure, but...It's genius. An open house on Halloween.Millions of bored parents,just trying to keep their... kids out of traffic.Now they can get away from all that,And see a nice house.What do you mean, I'm not even scary?I literally almost scared the life out of a man.You literally scared a little salivaAnd a little urine out of him.That happens to me every time I see a monkey wearing people clothes.I was plenty scary.I used professional-grade makeup.That's the point, Claire. It was overkill.You're the kind of personwho can be twice as scary without wearing any makeup. Bye.You remembered to pick up the costumes, right?Yes, they're right over there.Very excited.Cam has lost a lot of weight--No.So we're throwing a Halloween partyto debut the new him.I'll be dressed as a matador.Wh-what is it now, 30?32.4So I've lost Lily.Where is lily?- Do you--you don't have her? - No.Why would I have her?- I don't have her in my pocket. - Cam?What about the tiara?Uh, we didn't buy one.You can just use the one from last year.Are we poor?No, sweetheart, but you don't need two tiaras.How about next Halloween you try a different costume? No. I have to be a princess.Every year? Why?Because my mom's a princess,Just like you told me.Cam and I have always known that someday,we were gonna have to have the big talk with lily, about who her mom was.We--we were gonna pick the right timeand do it together,Carefully following an agreed-upon script.Then I got tired."And she was the most beautiful princess in all the land. The end."Again.Why is Tyler's mommy so fat?Oh, that's because she has-- she has a baby in her belly.Okay? Good night.Was I in my mom's belly?Lily, no more questions, all right?Just--just go to sleep.Where's my mom now?Um, she's...in a faraway land.Why?Because she's a princess.And she's... very, very busy.Okay.I thought that she'd forget about it by the next morning.I mean, I did.Oh, I knew I was gonna have to tell Cam,and he was gonna be furious,but I was hoping that he'd see the bigger issue.You know, I was really tired.Hey, Cam, you know this whole thingabout Lily wanting to be a princess again?Well, I-I think it might be because I let her believe- her mother was-- - This is a nightmare.- It was just a mistake. - More like a disaster.They sent the matador costume in your size,and the bull costume in mine.Oh. I didn't notice. Um...Now no one's gonna see my bodin this bulky bull costume.It was--it was honestly a mistake.L-listen, um, you--you could do that other thing that you thought of. You could put on that gorgeous white suitthat fits you so well now,and you could be Mr. Roarke,and you could be Mr. Roarke,and Lily could be your Tattoo.No! I have to be a princess!Oh, but, Lily, you were a princess last year.No! You promised! I'm being a princess!Why is she so obsessed with princesses?Well...Like we weren't at that age?I mean...I'm not mad about the ticket.It's just the first time I couldn't charm my wayOut of one of these things.The way I see it, it's not a ticket.It's a conversation.No offense. You don't need that siren.You could stop traffic just getting out of that squad car.License and registration, please.I, uh...I'm no stranger to the police academy myself.I'm no stranger to the police academy myself.Seen all seven of them.Sir, no one's seen all seven.- Is this information accurate? - Yeah.Uh, except for the weight.I thought they wanted to know how much I could curl.I must be getting rusty with my moves.Moves? What moves?You know, flash the baby blues,hit 'em with the devilish grin.In case of emergency, break glassand bust out the dimple.Hey, isn't that one from the smallpox?Hey, isn't that one from the smallpox?'cause I'm 100. Chicken pox.And it doesn't matter where it's from.It always worked.Hey, mom.Manny, why are you coming back from school so late?I got sent to the principal's office.Oh. I am sending him an angry e-mail,because I don't like when--No, no, no. It's not his fault.- What did you do wrong? - Nothing.Oh, that's it. I'm calling him.- I hate when he tries to-- - Nothing on purpose.It was between periods, right before this big test.I was clearing my mind by practicingI was clearing my mind by practicingsome of my Gene Kelly dance moves.- As one does. - Right.And my umbrella accidentally snagged the fire alarm.The principal thought I did it on purpose- so we'd miss the test. - But you didn't!That's it! I'm going to his house!Mom! You gotta stop doing this.I'm not sure if it's the pregnancy,which we both know isn't your fault...But lately you've been such a hothead.I am not a hothead! I am Colombian.We get excited.My country is covered in coffee.Just like the Starbucks girlwhen she got your order wrong?Half-caf, non-fat wet soy latte.How hard is that to hear?!You don't get to be 2-time nonconsecutivedistrict salesman of the year without thinking inside the box. That's right. I said "Inside."You know why? 'cause while everyone'schasing each other around outside the box,You know what the box is?Empty.Which brings us back to our formal dining room.Now any questions?Can we have our candy now?Just as soon as we go overwhat you're gonna tell your parents.- Now what was our style? - Pre-war craftsman.Good, good. And how many square feet?3,500.Still no trick-or-treaters?- Not yet. - Well, maybe people are going out later this year. Well, the street's full of kids,but they're actively detouring around our house.Move along.Who wants some candy?Plenty of name-brand...- family-friendly candy right here. - Oh! It's a trap!No. I--ooh, how about you? Hey--You want some candy, right? Come on,- have some candy! - Mom! Mommy, she's got me!No, I don't-- I'm not trying--- My candy! - Just leave it!Jay, you have to get ready for Mitch and Cam's party.Gloria, does my skin look looser to you?What?Maybe I should try some of that fancy neck cream of yours.Don't you have some with specks of diamonds in it or something?Trick-or-treat.You guys don't even have costumes.I'm a skeleton.And I'm--I'm a lemon.Aren't you too old to be trick-or-treating?Aren't you too old to be having a baby?Ah, you find that funny, lemon?Here's a better joke.Knock, knock. What's gone?Your candy!What was that?Some rude dummies, that they think that they can-- All right, listen. Let's just calm down.Get ready for the party.Calm down what?You think I'm a hothead, like Manny?No!You can be emotional. Volatile, maybe.Still, that's a far cry from--You put egg on my house,I kill what you love!psycho.- Plush utility room? - Yeah, right.I know a hall closet when I see one.And your dad never lies?What medical schooldid the great appliance doctor attend?-Hey, Delgado. - Oh, no! Durkas!What I wouldn't give for this umbrella to haveWhat I wouldn't give for this umbrella to haveMary Poppins' powers.Oh, I pray he didn't hear that.Heard you pulled the fire alarm todayand got us out of that test.- Good job. - Thanks, Mr. Durkas.You know what? You don't need to call me that anymore. Anyway, we're all meeting at the playground at 8:00 And heading out, if you want to join.You're totally going to that.Yeah, if you want to ruin your reputation.You're finally gonna be in with the cool kids.You need to talk at the school assembly on Mondayand apologize to all the teachers.Teachers. More like public sector parasites.Be strong, Manny.Be smart. Adventures, parties.Juvie, heartache.Girls!But not the kind we want.They're all the kind we want.Mr. Dur--Conrad!Take one. I'm an egg donor.I love your costume, too, Cam. Adora-bull.Oh, well, thank you. It's all in fun.I half-wanted to wear something tighter.- You know, I've been reducing. - I can see.- Well, you say it like you can't. - No, no, no. I totally can. Impressive, huh?Yeah. I'm--I'm gonna...- Hey, Cam. - Mm?I'm hearing a rumor that you keep flashing our guests. Oh, well, not in a perverted way.I just want people to see my bodyunder this stupid costume.That's very close to what actual flashers say.- Daddy? - Yeah, one second, honey.I'm just tired of throwing out complimentsand not getting anything back.I told Roberto his spray tan looked real.Look for yourself. It's on two of our pillows and our cat. Daddy. Yeah?Lookit. It's my mommy. She came.Oh. Oh, no, honey, that's not your mommy.It's not?No, no. That's just one of daddy's friends.- What's going on? - Oh, nothing.She just wants one of these cupcakes.- But I already had... - Oh, there you go, honey. Okay, off you go. Mingle! Mingle!Looks like some people came by.Yeah. Oh, yeah, we had a few.I saw that.Hello?Hey, honey.Hi. How's your open house?Pretty empty, actually.I kind of just took it outon a Harry Potter.Seriously, though, a Gryffindorletting his mom carry his Quidditch broom?How Hufflepuff is that?It's pretty lonely here, too.We have been shunned by the whole neighborhood. That's ridiculous.All over some mild little gag you pulled?It was not mild. There was an investig...Oh, I-I thought I heard someone.I guess it was just trees tapping against the window. It's pretty creepy over here in this rattly old house. Anyway, I'll probably give it another 30 minutes, then I'll see you at home.Okay. Bye.What are you laughing about?Oh, it's just your poor dad, you know.Your poor, dumb dad.I'll fill you in at the staff meetingafter Keneally's done telling us about his morning commute. That's hilarious! You sound just like him.You are so doing that at Christmas talent night.Dude, "Rich Girl", "Sara Smile"...Dude, "Rich Girl", "Sara Smile"...then a "Maneater" Encore.It was scary how good they were.Close your eyes, it could have been the real band.Yeah, he got lucky in the football pool once,and now he wants to double the stakes.Oh, I'm so scared!Right?Well, this night was a bust.not a single person even...Or did I speak too soon?Was someone in the mood to be a bad little ghoul?Oh, Connie, I didn't mean you.I'm...hey, that's just...that's just the divorce talking.Hang in there.Bye-bye.Well, someone decided to take a tripto Fantasy Island after all.Well, I'm tired of people not noticing my new physique.If this doesn't work, I'm breaking out the diaperand top hat and going as Baby New Year! Hello. Oh, my god!John-John, is that you?- You look amazing. - Thanks!That's what happens when you lose 100 pounds. Oh, come on. What a...- Who wants to lift me? - Me.Come on. How could he have not called us?Oh, my god, he's as light as a feather.You know what? I'm gonna go lift himand shake him till his staples pop.Cam, stop!Just saying that we could have caught those kids. What, and chase them around all night?I'm not a young man anymore,as the world keeps pointing out.What did that waiter just call you outside? Medieval Knievel.That is hilarious.I love when people put some thought into their outfit. Illegal Alien, Sugar Daddy.Illegal Alien, Sugar Daddy.Why do you say "illegal"?Because antennas are alien, and you're...What? Illegal?Because of the color of my skin?Why don't I dump your baby in your gas tank?Gloria! Uh, no hard feelings, please.Just enjoy the party, okay?First of all, relax. We're at a party.Secondly, you've been deported twice.You're not allowed to be that defensive.What is it with me lately?Manny's right. I'm such a hothead.It happens. You're pregnant.That's what it is, isn't it?It's the baby. It's angry in there.- No! - Yes!You just said it yourself. I have changed.I have an angry baby inside of me making me do bad things! It's just hormones.It's your mama bear instinct kicking in.所以把情绪激烈的孕期母亲称作熊妈妈]And that's a good thing,because that means you're gonna be a great mom--again. Do you really think so?You got a lucky little kid in there.He's got a mom who's not gonna let anyone harm him.Or her.Or--or him.Trick-or-treat.Go ahead.You better run!Oh, my gosh,Is that the most precious thing you've ever seen? Oh, my god.Do you know other princesses?Trust me. I know lots.Okay. Bedtime.Oh, no, it's not that late.Do you know my mom? She's a princess.She's exhausted.She's not making sense. She's so tired. Daddy, you told me!What is she talking about, Mitchell?My real mom. She is, right?Okay, I think we need to have a little talk. Sam, do you notice how slim Cam's getting? Nice try. I will be back for that answer.This isn't gonna work, Claire...'cause I know you're here.What's the plan, anyway?You gonna pop out at me?It's gonna take more than that to scare this--- Hello?! - Hi!Is the house still open?Oh, yes! Yes! I'll be right down.Claire, this is serious! I have a job!Not that you don't. You work 24/7and you don't get half the appreciation you deserve. Can we talk about this later?As you potential buyers can see,This is a, uh, a beautiful home.What's behind here?Oh, I wouldn't go in there!Unless you love formal dining rooms.- Honey, look at this. - I'm in the kitchen.Oh, we should probably stay together.Come on, Sheila.- Phil, one question. Are these-- - Wait, wait.I just love to see people's reactionsWhen I show them--So much storage. What? It's crazy!I think you guys will find that this houseis full of so many... delightful surprisesThat you'll be happy here for--- Oh, my god! - I don't know her!Is this the original tub?What? Yes, it is.It is, uh, the original tub.Um, original fixtures, beveled mirror,Just a-a huge stall shower.If you guys would, uh, want to have a party.I'm kidding, of course.But, um, just a house with a real personality.We'll be right in, sweetie.We agreed to tell Lily about her mother together, wearing calming earth tones,and we agreed to tell her the truth.I know, but haven't you ever said something dumb to Lily that you wish she would just forget?This isn't about me. Let's just fix this.Okay, great. Although...the way you agreed so quickly makes me wonderwhat sort of things you've told her.I may have told her her fibs kills birds.Wow. We're coming back to that one.Oh, hi, princess.Hey, Lil. Could we talk to you for a second?Am I in trouble?Oh, gosh, no. Of course not, sweetie.Um... Well, do you remember how we used to tell you there was a heaven for all the flowers that die?What do you mean, "used to"?Sorry, I let it slip. We'll deal with it later.Much much are you not telling me?Why are you talking like this?Daddies took a little side trip.- Sorry, sweetie. - Um, so sometimes, uh,we tell you things like that to make you feel better. And I might have done the same thingwhen I told you that your mom is a princess.So she's not?Well, you know what?- She might be. - She might be.But we can't know for sure, honey, Because... well, we don't know where she is Or... what she's doing.B-but what--what we do knowis that she loved you very, very much...And she knew that she couldn't take care of you, so she made sure that you wentwith the most loving family she could find.And that's how the three of us became a family. Does that make sense, sweetie?Do you have any questions for us?Why did you say a fib and kill a bird?I noticed you walking in with your wife earlier. She's stunning.You know my favorite part of that compliment? You knew she was my wife.Half the world thinks she's my daughter.Well, if you ask me, she's a lucky girl.Bummer for me, though.Handsomest man in here, and he's taken.I'll bet you do all right with the boys.I do.It's the men I'm interested in.You just put it all right out there, don't you?I always try to hold a little something back.Oh, my gosh.No, no, no, no, no, no. Leave him.- No, but you know that's a-- - I know. He needs this. Okay.- It was great meeting you, Jay. - You, too, Sam.Wow! Looks like somebody really likes you.What can I say? I still got it.I've been meaning to ask you-- have you lost some weight? - Because you look good. - Wow, you have no ideawhat that means to hear from you, Jay.Uh, turn it that way.I thought this might cheer you up.Da plane! Da plane!Baby girl!Look you! You even taught her the catchphrase.Yeah. Jay, have you seen my new tattoo?- Be in touch. - Well, thanks so much for coming.- Yeah. Thanks. - Okay.Okay, Claire, they're gone. You can come out now. Claire?Honey, I'm sorry I said you weren't scary.It's been such a long day.Can we please just go home?All right. I'm leaving without ya.So... this remote you know how to use.Yes?Phil, where are you?Claire? Where are you?I came over to scare you, but then I heard youshowing the house to that couple,so I got out of your way.Are you at home?Yeah. I got here ten minutes ago.S-so... So you're saying...This call isn't coming from inside the house?What are you talking about? Just get home.The kids and I are hungry.Yeah, hurry up, dad.We miss you!Miss you, too, buddy.Trick-or-treat!I wasn't really that scared.Okay.Hey, you never told me if you hit those kids with that egg. They blended into the crowd,but there was a slow one with them.He couldn't run so fast,and I nailed him pretty good.- I warned you. - Okay, Reuben.Where are your cool friends now?Not q-tipping your ear, that's for sure. Okay, Reuben.This is why I never hang out with cool kids. Yeah, you rejected them,Shortly after you and your momroller danced at the talent show. Oh... we were robbed.Couldn't have been the song you picked. "Wind beneath my w--" Ow!。

Look, I know you'r tired.But just think how good you're gonna feel tomorrowwhen you wake up and we have all new shop paper.I wish I didn't get what you are talking about.But I do. I just do.Hey, who could be calling at this hour?It's Sal.No. Not answering that.Whatever earth-shattering drama she's going through can wait. Until she gets here.Oh, God. I hope we have vodka.We don't, Mitchell.Sal was our best girlfriendfrom back in our party days,but over the years, we've kind of gone in different directions. We chose forward.Why won't this open?Uh, something's wrong with that door.Okay, whatever. I have the most amazing news,and I'm super excited,but I won't be if you don't want me to be.Ready?I'm getting married!Oh, my gosh! Congratulations!- I know! - Who's the guy?Oh, the love of my life.Oh, so you finally bagged your boss?Oh! Yes, but it's not him. And I don't work there anymore. His name is Tony.I met him three months ago.He's the greatest guy ever.And seriously, are you guys okay with this?Of course. Why wouldn't we be?Well, you know, because I can get married,and you guys... Ugh! can't.So? That doesn't mean you shouldn't.Really? Because I will not go through with itif you don't want me to. Seriously.Not necessary. I mean, what kind of people would we be if we denied you or anyone the right to marry?#politics.This makes me so happybecause I want you two to be my best men.- Yes! Yes! - Of course!Okay. The wedding is gonna be super cute,Just us, a little dinner after.Oh, and it's next Friday.Oh. What, it's next Friday?- Yeah. - How will we have time to do best man stuff? You know, like help you pick out your dress,get your flowers, get our hair blown out?He's never been a best man before.Oh, my God, we're getting married!We're getting married! Let's have a drink.- Yeah, we're out of vodka. - I will see you on Friday. And initial here and here and here.Ay, my arm is starting to hurt.- Just a couple more. - What's going on?Nothing. I have to get this package,but there's so much signing.Get out of here, you perv.What's the matter with you?You don't do that in front of strangers.At least throw a blanket over.- I am not ashamed. - Obviously.They're out all the time--in front of Manny, at the club,at Claire's dinner the other day.Phil almost ate a candle.Fine. Next time, I will feed your baby inside a dark closet. I'm just saying pick your moments, huh?Like let Daliya open the door. That's why we hired her. Daliya?My mother raised six childrenwhile working at a construction job.She would be so ashamed if I had a nanny.I don't see a lot of shame from your momwhen she's cashing my checks every month.Hey, Daliya, we gotta go see Manny's teacher.Would you try to coax a burp out of this one?Come here, little guy.Can you hold him a little higher?I will. I'm just letting him get settled in.Okay, we're going. Bye-bye, joe.He likes to bounce a little.Can you cup your hand- so that he doesn't feel like you're slapping? - Okay.She knows it. Stop micromanaging.Cup your hand.- Hello. - Hey.Hey, can one of you guys drive me to my cello thing tonight? Honey, I wish we'd known.Yeah. We got a dinner thing with the Flendersons.Okay, you don't have to stay,and those aren't even real people.Sorry. I panicked.I got stuck between the Flemings and the Hendersons.Oh, my god. Are those new boots?Yes.I love them. They're so cute!They are?Oh, I forgot to tell you--Danielle Gunston--first one in my class to get pregnant.You totally called it.Did you hear that?My money was on Denise Modick.No. First she complimented my fashion sense,then she told me I did something right.Phil, I think it's happening.Raising a kid is like sending a rocket ship to the moon. You spend the early years in constant contact,and then one day, around the teenage years,they go around the dark side and they're gone.All you can do is wait for that faint signalthat says they're coming back.I think Haley is sending me that signal.And?- And Phil gave me that analogy. - Yeah.You know what?I think I'm gonna ask her out to dinner tonight.Do you think she'll say yes?If you want,I can pass her a note in study hall.What did I do?Oh, my god. Nothing.I just wanted to know, if you weren't busy,you know, if you wanted to have dinner with me tonight? Dinner? Just you and me?I mean, you don't have to. It's cool. Don't worry.No, sounds fun. Let's do it.Okay. Let's meet by the front door, then.You know, 7:00?- Okay. - Yeah.I totally think she likes you!I think so, too.First of all, I just want to say what a pleasure it isto have Manny in art class.He's talented--Can we just skip to what he did wrong?Who said that he did something wrong?Hit it.We do have an issue.- Told you. -Manny seems to have quite a fascination with the female nude.So? He's a romantic.Well, this is all his art work over the last few weeks. Holy moly.There were even more,but I think the janitor took some home.Look at this.And this.And these.Look, I'm an artist. I'm free.I used to have an earring up here.But some of the other parents have complained. Well, the moms.He must have learned that at school.Because we have filters in the computer,and I have thrown out all of Jay magazines.Don't know what she's talking about.There is no way that Manny has seen this sort of thing at our home. We'll take it from here.Hey, buddy.It's just you and me tonight.Sounds good. I'll be right down.All right.I knew it! What are you hiding?- Porn. - Don't lie to me!Fine.I'm trying to send a message to a girl on Facebook,but she's so out of my league.Look at her.Oh, yeah. She's cute.I've been sitting here forever- and I can't think of anything to say. - Well, you are in luck.If anyone knows the art of wooing the fairer sex,it's this guy."Hey."- Wait! - Send.Why did you type that?Now she knows I'm thinking about her.Smiley face.Oh, my god. Stop now.We can only screw it up from here.Please. You're in the hands of the master.I think I know how to pick up a 14-year-old girl...for you."What's the haps tonight?"Boop."What's the haps tonight"? Nobody says that. "Going to the mall. Wanna meet?""Dinner at Rosa Grill in an hour?"Question mark. Boom!Kids don't eat dinner.What do you mean, you don't eat dinner?What do you do?I don't know. You just walk around and jump off stuff. You can't invite a girl to jump off stuff.Well, it's way better than--"See ya then. X.O."You're in, buddy.I gotta get ready.All right, let's go before this wears off.I think we have a few days.Well, thank you, dimples.Oh, you better get that out of your system,'cause in two hours, you're gonna be...Mrs. Anthony Lombardo.So does this Italian of yours cook?In every room of the house,if you know what I mean!- We have a lot of sex. - Yeah. Got it.Okay, now let's have a proper toast. All right.To wild Sal.You gave it a good run,but like every legendary gunslinger,there comes a time when you need to holster your weapons and ride off into the sunset.But you took on every man who came to town.- I really did! - You sure did.Also, you know, I'm just getting married.I'm not dying.No, no. We're just happy you're happy.And we're excited that we're gonna get to seeso much more of you now.Yes. We'll be couple friends.We'll go to movies... take classes...Oh, our game nights on Saturday...- Huge. - They're epic, yeah.Do you play Cranium?Do you play Cranium?Well, if I'm playing board games on a Saturday night,you can shoot me in my cranium.But I love you!I need to take a whiz.I'm so happy for her.I think we might have freaked her out, though.Oh, no, Mitchell. Come on. You're a smart man,but you are awful at reading people.Sal's been different this week.That is a woman in love.Looks like a woman in love.Look, nobody's as happy as I am about you loving the ladies. All I'm saying is, you gotta pull back a little.- Okay. - Ay, Manny,this is all my fault.I am too free with my body.It was okay when you were a little boy, but...Was it?But now that you're a young man,- and... - I didn't hear a word they said.All I could think about was Daliya.Every drawing, every poem,every historical novel I wrote was for her.She was my muse.Toss in a body that doesn't quit,and I think we got a soul mate.So there's a lot of other things you can draw.You've got your landscapes. You've got your bowls of fruit. Trees.A barn. The ladies with the fruit on the head.I said fruit.But you didn't say the ladies with the fruit on the head. I'm trying to get him away from the ladies.Ah, good. Good. Good.This is so stupid.What if I spill on her,or accidentally brush my boob against her hand?I mean her hand against my boob.Dude, stay cool. You got this.I'm gonna be at the bar the whole time.If you start to panic, just come get me.Shh. There she is.What was that?I don't know. I've never heard it before.Try not to let that happen again.- Hi, Luke. - Pretty good.Uh, I mean, hi, Simone.Uh, this is my dad.Dad, this is Luke.You're funny.Looking.Clutch.What are you still doing here?What the hell got into me?Besides the bartender's tongue?Yes. Yes, well, that was a little inappropriate.But let's not overreact.It's perfectly natural to have a panic attackbefore making a big life decision.What if it's the wrong decision?What if Tony's not the guy?What if he's the guy?Or him? He is cute. When did he come in?Okay, you need to focus, Sal.You are about to make a sacred, lifelong commitment. You are not making this better!Oh, god, it's Tony.I'm supposed to pick him up and drive him to the wedding? Everybody shut up for a second!Okay, you know what? I'm gonna marry him.What's the worst that can happen? I get a divorce.People do it all the time.oh, you're suffocating me!It is not too late. You are not married yet.You're right.Okay. That's good. Get it all out.- Here. Stand up. - Okay, mom?Mom. Mom. Oh, my god, mom, I think I got it.I've been lugging this thing around for ten years.Okay. Well, you sure you don't want us to stayand--and hear you play?Mm, that's okay.Yeah, I agreed to dinner,Yeah, I agreed to dinner,not tickets to the Electric Light Dorkestra.Don't be so mean to your sister.No, that's our band's name.So you wanna go back to that vegan place?Ooh. Leather jacket. Can't take the hate.Haley!Gabby! What are you doing here?I just stopped in for a bump of coffeebefore I meet up with Zoe and those guys at Noodlecat. - Do you wanna go? - So what's--what's Noodlecat? Oh, it's this really cool Asian placethat sells, like, a million different kinds of noodles. And hopefully, no cat.- Well, that sounds cool. - So you don't mind if I go? Oh, I kind of thought we had plans.Oh. Yeah. You're right.So I can meet you guys there after.- How long are you gonna be there? - No.It's fine. It's fine. Go.I'll stay and watch Alex.Oh, now I feel bad.Love you!Excuse me.You're Luke's dad, aren't you?I'm Valerie, Simone's mom.- Oh. Phil. - Hi.I recognized youfrom when you hosted the school's talent night. You were incredibly limber.Ah, when you wear the right pants.- Please, sit down. - Thank you.Yeah.So how is the big date going?I don't know.Simone was so nervous.When they were chatting on the computer,I had to write everything for her.That's so funny. I did the same thing for Luke. So the whole time we were talking to each other? Wait, does that make this our date?Well, a good father, funny, handsome.A girl could do a lot worse.You know what, Mitchell?Forgive me if my Missouri is showing,but what she is doing is not marriage.It's a mockery of marriage. It's mockerage.- And I'm gonna stop it. - No, no, you're not.I can't help but think you're infusing the situation with just a touch of your own frustration.Why, because we've built a life together for the last ten years? Because we're raising a child?Or because I was the first person to think of doingan elaborately choreographed dance at our wedding,and now it's been done to death?Makes you feel any better,I was never gonna do that.But... I get it.Well, you know what? She can't get marriedif the best man doesn't hand over the wedding ring.- You wouldn't. - Yes, I would.Where is it? Give it to me.- Give me the ring. Cam. - Stop. Stop.- You have to give me... - Oh, well, this is a mystery solved. Thank you!- Okay. Let's go do this. - Okay.How hot does Tony look?On a scale of 1 to bartender, or...Reel it in, Cam.I think this is broken.We're gonna have to find another spot.No, we'll be late for the movie.Are you sure you're doing it right?We both know I know how to use a credit card.All right, I'll put a note on the meter.Let me get a piece of paper.Maybe this is a bad sign.Maybe I'm not supposed to be in the movie theater.I'm supposed to be at home with my babies.Honey, we know that Daliya knows how to take care of Joe. And what about manny? He's supposed to run his own bath? You know, considering what's been going on with him,it might be good for you to give him a little space.I mean, this was his idea.What was?That we go out tonight,so that we could get some alone time.Oh, that's sweet.- Uh-oh. - What?We gotta get home. Look--Manny's notebook.More drawings and a poem-- "Ode to Daliya."So those were not my boobs? They were Daliya's boobs? Yep. This is not a "Nude descending a staircase,"this is a "Nude vacuuming a staircase."Okay, Manny. Joe's asleep.What do you want for dinner?Actually, already taken care of.You shouldn't play with your food.What are you doing here?I knew you were upset I left,and I felt bad, so I came back,You're here out of guilt?I know. I'm growing up.Why are you rolling your eyes at me?I'm doing a nice thing.Because I want you to be here because you wantto be here. Okay, you're being really needy right now.Oh, my god. Are you going through the change?Stop asking me that every time I express an emotion.And no, I am not. It's just so damn hot in here.I am disappointed, that's all.When you were little, we used to do everything together. And I thought maybe you were coming back around,and we could be friends again.I just... miss being part of my daughter's life.Hey, everybody. Thanks for coming.I thought this was supposed to be some sort of classical thing. Me, too.She sings?I don't even know who that is.Oh, my god, Phil, you are hilarious.Yep. That's how I got my wife of 20 years.Could we get the check, please?Oh, I got this.Ooh, funny and generous.If my husband were more like you...maybe I'd still be married.Well, if my wife were here,she'd want me to be clear that I'm fully committed to her. You know that, right?What?No, I just wanna make sure,because you unbuttoned a button,and I... love my wife, so--You were the one who was flirting- and saying we're on a date. - That was a joke,But I'm--I'm sorry if I misled you at all.Thank you.But there was a lot of touching.I touched your shoulder for a second.No, it was more of a stroke, like this--Okay. I'm so sorryfor touching your hand with my boob.I mean my boob with your hand.Is this your little game?You cop a feel on a sad divorceeand then pretend I'm the one coming on to you?- How does that feel? - Oh. Weird.You like it? Yeah?Little bit of that?- Yeah. - Little bit of whoa. No.You probably like this. Don't you?Oh, stop it. Your daughter's right over there.My minivan is right outside.That is not what I meant.This pizza is delicious.I like it, too. We have so much in common.Have you seen the back of your menu?"With silken hair and supple olive skinand hands that wash the laundry of my kin..."Oh, Manny...You still have 12 lines to go.Spoiler alert-- I love you.Okay, back away from the nanny.Oh, my god, it looks like a Madonna video in here!- Why aren't you at the movies? - We need to talk right now. - What have you done to my son?! - I didn't--She didn't do anything.Why do you have to embarrass me?Embarrass you? Maybe if you didn't fall in love...Stop this!You're going to wake the baby.Now Manny and I are having a private discussion.So please, give us a minute.- I'll give you your minute right this minute. - Gloria. Gloria. Go ahead, Manny.I'm not saying we need to do anything right away.I'm just asking you to wait a few years.You are so sweet.Whoever ends up with youis the luckiest woman in the world.That could be you.No.I am unlucky, because I was born too soon.And I can't have you wait around.Poets have to live.Besides, in a few years, you'll feel differently.You're wrong. I'll feel this way for the rest of my life. Well, Manny, wait.- Ay, Manny, papito lindo-- - Leave me alone. Sorry about that.Don't be. It's the sweetest offer I've ever gotten.I am so sorry that I screamed at you.It was so nice what you told him in there.I take Manny, you take the little one?Okay.- You probably just-- - She knows what to do, Jay. Tiramisu.I love his tiramisu.Marriage is a promise.It says to the world that you share a loveand a commitment to each otherThat will only grow deeper as the years go by.Now have you two written vows?Yeah, I'll go.Marriage terrifies me.Take Mitch and Cam.I used to think their life looked so boring.I could never do it. Pay bills? Wash dishes?Wake up to the same face every day?I felt sorry for them.Where is this headed?But they're not bored.It turns out when you're with the right person,you can change shelf paper at 10:00 at night in your pajamas and not wanna be anywhere else.That's how much they love each other.- We sure do. - And when I just saw your face,I remembered...that's how much I love you.Thanks for being here.We wouldn't be anywhere else, Sal.And do you have anything prepared?Hit me, baby.I made out with a stripper last night.Sorry. I just wanna start this clean.I made out with a bartender... An hour ago.You're not just saying that to make me feel better, are you? Back me up. Didn't I?- She totally did. - I totally did!- Yeah. He was hot, too. - He was very good-looking.- Nice. - Well. That was different.- Who's got the ring? - I do.Hand 'em over.Thank you guys so much.Alex, honey, amazing.Why didn't you tell us?- Oh, I-I don't know. - That was so good.If I didn't know you,I'd be all like, "That chick is cool."Hey, guys, hi. I'm Alex's mom.You were terrific.Hey, and I'm her sister.We're gonna go get some dinner.Do you wanna come with us?You can bring your friends from the band.Um, no, thanks. We're actually going out,and I have a ride home, so see you guys later.Okay.Oh, my god. Sorry about that.Did she just apologize for us?- Yep. - But we were just being nice.Sucks, doesn't it?Luke, I'm sorry Simone's mom dragged her away so fast. It's okay. I was running out of things to say.Guess I kind of blew it for you, didn't I?No. Now that her mom doesn't want hergoing out with me anymore,Simone wants me more than ever.I guess she's heading into a rebellious stage.Best time to get 'em.Never be afraid to go after a girl who's out of your league.I did. That's how I got your mom.Yeah, I always wondered how you pulled that one off.She was in a rebellious stage, too.Yep, grandpa wasn't always as crazy about me as he is now. I'm gonna go pop the champagne and get some glasses.I'll help.I'm gonna get Cranium.Sorry you couldn't come to the wedding.It was no kids.It's okay. I'll go to your next one.She--she just means whenshe's not a kid anymore, you know?She knows what I mean.I don't like you.I'll get over it.。

Explain yourself. 解释下你的行为I'm taking photos of your feet for perverts. 我在拍你的脚给变态看- Ew! - Hear me out. -恶... -听我说完Remember when you couldn't return those sneakers you bought 还记得你买的运动鞋没法退and asked me to sell them online? 让我拿到网上卖吗Right after I listed them... 我刚放到二手网站上...I got a message asking 就收到一条信息问我if they'd been worn and sweat in. 鞋子有没有被穿过有没有汗臭Before I could lie and say no... 我还没来得及说谎说没有...I got another message. 就收到另一条信息"Can I see your feet?" "我可以看你的脚吗"Apparently, there are a ton of these feet freaks on the Internet. 原来网上有无数这样的恋足癖Oh, my God, did you write this? 天啊这是你写的吗"My little piggies got so sweaty." "我的小脚脚超爱出汗"- Sexy, right? - No. -很性感吧 -才不No, it's gross! 一点也不恶心死了That pair of sneakers went for over $200. 那双运动鞋可是卖到200刀哦I have more in my closet. 我衣柜里还有很多鞋That was three weeks ago, 那一幕发生在三周前and we have made a ton of money since. 打那以后我们卖鞋赚了好多钱All I have to do is wear a different shoe every day. 而我只需要每天穿不一样的鞋子Hitting all of the right notes... 各项标准都达标Ship it. 寄出去吧Les finalistes 入围本届pour L'Expo Internationale du Closet sont... 国际橱柜展览会决赛的选手有...Kabinett Konig, Berlin. 柏林康妮西橱柜Pritchett's Closets -- 普里契特橱柜Hah! Yes! 太棒了Yes, yes, yes! 太棒了太棒了Yes! 太爽了You guys are so gross! 你们太恶心了For the first time in company history, 这是我公司史上首次we are going to 去参加the Expo Internationale du Closet! 国际橱柜展览会...Berlin. 柏林Pritchett's Closets. 普里契特橱柜Son of a bitch, we did it! 我的亲娘啊我们做到了We did it! 我们做到了Manny, I appreciate 曼尼我感谢你you coming from college for this moment. 从学校回来见证这一刻Yeah... 是啊Something like this only happens 像这样的事once in a wee-- year -- lifetime? 一周...一年...一辈子一遇吧If that! 可不是嘛I'm accustomed to certain creature comforts 我习惯了某些that are hard to come by at school, 在学校难以得到的物质享受so I've been stopping home to...borrow things. 所以我就常回家来...借点东西You know, I may have to go shopping. 看来我得去买东西了I'm kind of between tuxedos, size-wise, right now. 我的礼服尺寸都有点不太合适了- Oh, so this is a... big deal? - It is. -所以这个...很了不起吗 -当然了But, uh, don't feel you have to live up to this. 但是但不用觉得你也得做到这地步because that kind of pressure can kill a kid. 因为这种压力能压垮一个孩子That's probably Claire calling me. 可能是克莱尔给我打电话了These will be rolling in all day, you know. 今天电话肯定要打爆了Hello? 喂Who still uses fax machines? 现在谁还用传真机啊You know what? People are gonna want to see me at the office. 大家肯定想在办公室看到我I'll just play nine holes and head in early, huh? 我先打半场高尔夫再早点儿过去- See you, kid! - See you. -再见孩子 -再见My new real-estate company 我的新房地产公司is this close to its first sale. 离第一笔买卖就差这么点A sale we really need! 我们迫切需要一笔买卖Not just to prove my old partners wrong, 不只是为了证明我的老合伙人错了but also to pay the bills. 也是为了维持生计Unfortunately, 不幸的是my client has developed a case of cold feet. 我的客户突然临阵变卦Phil, this house is everything I have wanted. 菲尔这房子符合我的一切要求Great! Should we write up an offer? 太好了我们要出个报价了吗But, I am feeling a hostile energy. 但是我感受到了一种敌意负能量I can assure you -- 我可以跟你保证this house is filled with nothing but happy memories. 这房子除了快乐的记忆没别的- If these walls could talk... - They can. -如果这些墙会说话的话 -它们会And they are. 而且正在说Personally, I don't believe in 我个人是不相信any of that evil-spirit mumbo jumbo. 什么邪灵巫术As a magician, I've learned that every spooky happening 作为一个魔术师我知道任何恐怖灵异has a perfectly reasonable explanation. 都有一个完美的合理解释Even the eeriest of illusions, Satan's Elevator, 即便是最可怕的魔术撒旦电梯is really just two mirrors and a tiny... 也只是利用了两面镜子和一个小...Nice try. 想得美When Phil told me about this house, 菲尔告诉我的时候I offered to help. 我自愿帮助他Now that Manny's away at college 现在曼尼上大学了and Joe goes to kindergarten, 乔也去上幼儿园了I have time for one of my old hobbies -- 我就有时间继续我原来的爱好之一confronting the devil in all his forms. 逼恶魔现出原形I have everything I need -- 我需要的东西都带来了sage, a spoon from the Vatican cafeteria, 鼠尾草梵蒂冈的餐厅的勺子my maracas -- 我的沙球Oh, here she is! 她来了Mrs. Graham, looking well! 格拉哈姆太太气色不错How are those peptides doing? 今天的抗老化缩氨酸怎么样了Ooh, terrific! My shaman realigned them. 太好了我的巫师帮我重新排列了它们And I got the last everything bagel, 我买到最后一个全味贝果so I guess we both got off to a great start today. 看来我们今天都有个不错的开始What say, we buy a house? 怎么样买栋房子吧Oh, this is Gloria. 这是歌洛莉亚She'll be addressing your concerns. 她会解决你的担心Nice to meet you. 很高兴认识你I instantly trust you. 我立马就对你产生信任了Why is that? 为什么呢Oh, I got it. 我知道了We were once cats together. 我们都曾经是猫I joke! I'm not that crazy. 我开玩笑的啦我才没那么神经Now, tell me about the ghost. 跟我说说这屋里的幽灵吧Well, in these suburban cases, 在这种郊区的房子里it's usually a low-level haunting, 一般都只是低级阴魂like a dead unpaid gardener, 可能是一个被拖欠工资的死园丁a dead jealous boyfriend, 或者是一位吃醋的死男友a dead dog who left something unfetched. 也可能是一条还有东西没叼回来的死狗Okay. Here we go. 好了进来吧Oh, she's just taken with the natural light 她对这种价位能就买到采光与通风and the flow at this price. 这么好的房子感到震惊It -- it still gets me every time. 但是每次都还是会吓到我You did it, you bastard! 你做到了你个混蛋Be the change 欲变世界you want to see in the world -- 先变其身I got here as soon as I could! 我已经尽快赶过来了In some ways, the words of Gandhi 在某种程度上甘地说过的话are truer today than ever before. 在今天比过去更真切The world is taking notice of the Aurora walk-in, 全世界都开始注意到极光超大衣柜了which is blurring the line between storage and sanctuary. 它模糊了收纳和避难所之间的界限I want to take a moment to celebrate our rock, 我想要说几句来赞美我们的基石our foundation, 这一切的基础someone to whom we owe a very special debt... 一个我们亏欠了很多的人Josie. 乔茜Rock? Foundation? Josie? 基石基础乔茜Who is that?! 那丫是谁啊And to thank you all for your amazing accomplishments, 为了感谢大家的杰出成果I have got an ice-cream cart coming in this afternoon! 今天下午我请大家吃冰淇淋That's right. 没错I.T. Guy, I need your help. IT男我需要你帮个忙- Cigar ash in your keyboard again? - Something bigger. -雪茄烟灰又掉到键盘里了 -比那重要But, yeah, bring that little vacuum. 但你还是把小吸尘器带上吧My sister Pam came to stay with us for a couple weeks. 我姐姐帕姆来我们这暂住几周A year ago. 一年前就来了In the unit upstairs -- 住在楼上那套房里which we used to rent for money, 那里以前是出租来赚钱的which we need 我们需要那些钱to pay for everybody in the unit downstairs. 来养活楼下这套房里的人We had no choice. 我们别无选择She was pregnant. 她当时怀孕了The father, Bo, was in jail, 但孩他爸博进监狱了and she happens to be my best friend. 而且她还是我最好的朋友Yeah, yeah, like Tom and Jerry are best friends. 是啊你们的友谊像卡通里的猫和老鼠一样Pam, did you remember the oranges? 帕姆你有记得买橙子吗Say "oranges" one more time. 你敢再说一次"橙子"试试Oranges. 橙子- Say it one more time! - Oranges! Oranges! -再说一次试试 -橙子橙子And then she left the door open, 她还不关好门and poor Larry got out and got in a fight with a possum.可怜的拉里跑了出去和一只负鼠打了一架Now we have to give him antibiotics every day at noon,现在我们不得不每天中午给它喂抗生素which he hates. 它特别不愿意吃On the positive side, 但好的一面是we've both been coming home at lunch 我们两个每天中午都回家吃午餐because it's a two-man job, 因为这活得俩人干as it what we've also been enjoying 我们每天午休时享受的另一件事on our little lunch break... 也要俩人一起"干"You look really cute in that suit. 你穿这身正装真好看You look really cute in those gym shorts. 你穿这条运动短裤真好看Only eight more days of cat antibiotics. 猫咪还得再吃八天的抗生素Say "nntibiotics" one more time. 你敢再说一次"抗生素"试试Antibiotics. 抗生素Okay, sweetie, but Pam's Mommy and Me class 好的亲爱的但帕姆的亲子课is only an hour, so, you know, hurry. 一小时就结束了你可得快点回来Oh, a surprise, huh? 有惊喜吗Okay. Okay, well I can't wait. 那好我等不急了Yeah? 哪位Afternoon. 下午好Oh, my God, are you the surprise? 我的天你就是那个惊喜I was thinking candles, or flowers on the bed -- 我还以为是蜡烛或铺满鲜花的床那类的My name is Bo Johnson, 我叫博·约翰逊and I am here to meet my baby boy 我来见我的宝贝儿子and win back the love of my life, 赢回我的一生挚爱Miss Pam Tucker. 帕姆·塔克女士Oh, my -- You're-you're B- you are Bo. 天哪你就是你就是博Um, okay, well, Pam is not here. 好吧帕姆不在家I'm Mitchell, Cameron's husband. 我是米奇尔卡梅隆的丈夫He's talked so much about you. 他说过很多你的事Oh, well, he did have a little thing for me 他过去在高中时- back in high school. ?- Yeah. -的确有点迷恋我 -是啊I guess he's got a type. 看来他只喜欢咱们这类型的Stop it! Stop it. 别闹了别闹了- I am nothing like -- - Well, if you don't mind, actually, -我哪能和你比 -如果你不介意的话I'd like to come in? 我想先进门I got to see man about a horse. 我得去马厩看看状况But we don't have -- 可我们这没有...That's a classy way of saying 那是种婉转的说法I got to make my bladder gladder. 是我要去释放一下膀胱的意思Bathroom! Uh, yes... 卫生间好的Uh, end of the hall on -- on the right. Yep. 在走廊尽头右手边Oh, and the Teen Vogues are our daughter's! 那些青少年时尚杂志是我们女儿的We don't even know who Demi Lovato is! 我们根本不知道黛米·洛瓦托是谁We don't even know who Demi Lovato is! 美国年轻女歌手与青少年偶像Okay, how did Larry get out again? 好吧拉里怎么又跑出去了God, it must've been your sister. 天啊肯定是你姐So, guess who is in the bathroom. 你猜谁在卫生间里Oh, well, my surprise was just candles, 我的惊喜不过是蜡烛而已but I'm not saying no. 但我也来者不拒No, uh... It's Bo. 不是博- My Bo? - No -- -我的博 -不Well, technically, he's-he's more Pam's Bo, 应该说是帕姆的博and I am your Mitchell. 而我是你的米奇尔But yes. Yeah, he's here to take Pam and the baby home! 但是的他来接帕姆和宝宝回家I mean, how great is that? 这是多好的事啊Cameron Tucker! 卡梅隆·塔克Get the hell out of my house. 从我家里滚出去Close those arms. 合上你的双臂Come on, Cam. 别这样小卡- Yeah, come on, Cam. - No. -是啊别这样小卡 -不You are not getting anywhere near my sister. 我不准你接近我姐姐Now get out! 快滚Let's go! Get out! 快点快滚Uh, won't he just wait for Pam outside? 那他就会改成在门口等帕姆啊- I mean -- - Okay, you know... Come back in! -因为 -好吧给我回来Great. There goes Larry again. 太好了拉里又跑出去了You know, I'm starting to think he's unhappy living here. 我开始认为它不愿意在咱家待着了Good. Good. 很好很好Uh, no Velcro. 有魔术贴的鞋不行Our brand is a little more upscale. 我们的品牌要更高级些Another buyer is tired of seeing the same feet. 又一个买家看同一双脚看腻了Oh, it's my fault now? 这成了我的错吗What's he doing to keep things interesting? 他也没为保持新鲜感做出什么贡献啊Why do I care? 我为什么在乎I'm surprised you were open to this. 真没想到你愿意这么做I'm surprised you know how to do this. 真没想到你这么熟练Don't forget, 别忘了we have to get over to mom's work to ship shoes later. 我们一会得去老妈公司把鞋发出去Wait a second, you're using Mom's FedEx? 等一下你一直在用老妈的快递吗Every time she and Dad have a fancy night out, 每次她和老爸晚上出去奢侈she uses the hashtag "Luke's college fund." 她总会用"卢克的大学基金"So, yeah, I'm using her account. 所以我也占占她的便宜Is there something you're not telling me about this house?你是不是有瞒着一些关于这房子的事I am kind of getting a murdery vibe. 我有点感觉到了凶杀案的气息The only killing that's ever gonna happen in this house 唯一与这幢房子有关的"杀"is the one that's gonna happen when you sell the place. 是你哪天转卖时会杀光买家的钱包Laughter makes the spirits hungry, Phil! 笑声会激怒鬼魂们菲尔Spirits? 鬼魂们You means there's more than one? 有不止一个的意思吗Hi, Gil. 吉尔Wait. No. Gil? 等等不吉尔Hey, Glo? 歌洛Uh, super stoked you're here. 你能来我真的很高兴If-if I could give you one tiny note? 希望你能听我一个小建议Mrs. Graham's terror level, 格拉哈姆太太的害怕等级which should be going down, 我们需要把它往下降- is actually going up. - Mine too. -但目前在升高 -我的也在升高Actually, I'm panicking right now! 事实上我已经慌了You can't believe what I'm sensing right now! 你不会相信我现在所感受到的There is like, a humming sound, vibrations, fear! 这里有嗡嗡声震动恐惧I'm pretty sure that's all coming off of me, 我很肯定那都是我发出来的because I'm about to lose a sale I really need. 因为我很需要的这桩生意要黄了How about this? Just-just spin it a little. 这样如何你稍微包装一下What are you asking me to do? 你想让我做什么In real estate, there are no dumps. 在房地产界没有烂房There are fixer-uppers. 只有待修房A small house is cozy. 面积小就说很温馨How do we know this presence is bad? 我们又不知道这个灵体是坏的What about Casper? Or the Holy Ghost? 比如《鬼马小精灵》或圣灵People love those guys -- 人们特喜欢那种的Phil. 菲尔It's bad, isn't it? 情况很糟是不是No, it's-it's actually really good. 不情况其实很好Gloria was just saying she's making real progress. 歌洛莉亚正告诉我她有了很大进展- Right, Gloria? - I'm sorry, -对吧歌洛莉亚 -抱歉but there is a disturbing presence in this house 这幢房子里有很令人不安的灵体that I don't think that I can drive out. 我觉得我也驱逐不了Well, that is it for me. 那我肯定不买了Phil, please let me know 菲尔如果你有不闹鬼if you find something less haunted, 而且也离我的灵媒很近的房子still within walking distance to my psychic. 请你一定要告诉我We'll be right back. 我们马上回来Bo, you want some iced tea? 博你想喝冰茶吗That'd be great. Thank you. 那太好了谢谢No, you are not giving him iced tea. 不不准给他冰茶喝This is not a garden party. 这可不是花园派对But he did come all this way to make things right. 但他大老远来弥补错误And you know what, Cam? 你知道吗小卡Prison changes people. 监狱是会改变人的- Oh, does it? - Always in a good -是吗 -总是往好了改and permanent way. 永久性的改变I mean, look at him... 看看他啊No. Do not look at him. 不不要看他He is a siren. 他就是个男妖He draws you in with those big beautiful blue eyes, 他用那双美丽的大蓝眼勾引你and the next thing you know, you're giving him 等你反应过来你已经your great-grandfather's Civil War bayonet 把你曾祖父内战时期的刺刀给他了and he's selling it for Magic Beans. 而他拿去卖了买魔豆It's the brand of whiskey he drinks. 魔豆是他喝的威士忌牌子I just -- I think he deserves a second chance. 我认为该给他第二次机会Why do you suddenly care so much 你为什么突然在意起if Pam and Bo are back together? 帕姆和博能不能复合I'm a divorce lawyer, Cam. 我是个离婚律师小卡I see families torn apart all the time. 我总能看到家庭四分五裂The emotional cost is just too high. 人的感情那么受伤代价太高了The cost of everything is too high! 一切的代价都太高太贵了Look, Pam made her bed. 帕姆自己铺了床Now she needs to get out of it 现在需要她从床上下来so I can flip the mattress to make some money off of it. 我才能把床垫翻一下接着赚钱Sounded more pimpy than I intended. 我没想到听起来会这么像皮条客Maybe Pam doesn't want to live upstairs anymore. 或许帕姆不想在楼上住下去了Maybe she wants to go with him to Missouri. 或许她想跟他回密苏里Or maybe you don't want Pam to live upstairs 又或许是你不想让帕姆在楼上住下去了and you want her to go home to Missouri. 是你想让她跟他回密苏里I couldn't help but overhear, 我不小心听到你们说话since we're practically in the same room 因为我们就在同一间房间里and you ain't exactly whispering... 你们说话又很大声Can I say something on my behalf? 我能替自己说几句话吗No, you may not! 不不能Because if you cared about my sister, 因为如果你在乎我姐姐you would've been here the moment baby Calhoun was born! 小卡尔霍恩出生时你就会在这I know, but when I got out of jail 我知道但在我因为for punching that police horse, 打了警马服刑出狱后I discovered my truck had been towed. 我发现我的卡车被拖走了I had to sell my plasma for cash. 我不得不卖血浆换现金He thinks of others. Very noble. 他会替别人着想多高尚All I'm hearing is no car, no money, 我只听到了没车又没钱compromised immune system. 免疫系统低下What a great role model. 这模样真值得我们学习And yes, he could be a model, 是的他模样的确不错but I will not be distracted by those beautiful big blue eyes.但我是不会被那对美丽的蓝眼睛蛊惑的Cam, I get it, all right? 小卡我都懂I made a lot of mistakes. 我犯过很多错But like my plasma, 但就像我的血液一样I decided to "B-positive." 我要贯彻积极的B型阳性I hitchhiked, I took odd jobs, 我搭车我打奇怪的零工whatever I could do to get here. 为了到这来能做的我都做了I mean, Pam, our boy Calhoun, 帕姆我们的孩子卡尔霍恩they're my family. 他们是我的家人Hell, you're my family. 你也是我的家人Okay, I want to believe you, Bo, 我很想相信你博but, yeah, I just -- 但我...yeah, I've been burned too many times. 我被伤过太多次了About that... I got something to show you. 说到伤我有样东西想给你看看Old Stonewall Tucker 塔克石墙杰克逊将军would've wanted you to have this back. 会希望这东西能物归原主的Stonewall. 石墙将军I'm guessing his statue's no longer in the park. 希望不是从人家雕像手里偷的- I thought you sold this. - Welp, that was the old Bo. -你不是卖了吗 -那是过去的博The new Bo saved up and bought it back for you. 全新的博攒钱买回来还给你- See? - Believe me, -你瞧 -相信我I'm trying to do the right thing. 我只想弥补过错Bo... 博What the hell is he doing here?! 他怎么会在这Now, Pameron, 帕梅隆Bo came back for you and baby Calhoun! 博是来重新争取你和小卡尔霍恩的Yeah, just-just give him a chance, okay? 是的给他个机会好吗Oh, my gosh. 我的天Is this him? 就是他吗Is-is that my boy? 那是我儿子吗No. This is my car and I have a little tiny driver. 不这是我的车我有个迷你小司机Of course it's him! 当然是他You stay away from us, 你别靠近我们- Beauregard Lavern Johnson! - Come on -- -博勒加德·拉维恩·约翰逊 -拜托And stop undressing me with your devil blue eyes! 也别再用你致命的蓝眼睛视奸我Okay, You know what? I'll-I'll go -- 这样吧我去I'll go talk to her. 我去和她谈谈Hey, thank you for pleading my case back there with Cam. 谢谢你刚才在小卡面前维护我I can tell, you're good lawyer. 我看得出来你是个好律师And I can tell you are a good man. 我也看得出来你是个好人I am team Bo all the way. 我会一直支持你的All right, good. 那太好了'Cause I-I might need some legal counsel. 因为我可能需要一些法律建议See, I-I didn't buy that bayonet back, 那个刺刀不是我买回来的so much as I stole it. 是我偷回来的Oh, dear. 天啊Excuse me, everyone! 大家打扰一下Excuse me, everyone! 普利切特衣橱及百叶窗公司As founder of this company, 作为创始人which I built with my own sweat and tears, 我用血泪独自创立了这间公司I'd like to say a few words. 我想简单说几句Before going into the future, 在迈进未来前it's important we honor how we got here. 向我们的过去致敬是很重要的So I put together a little presentation. 所以我做了个小短片Dad, we're having ice cream. 爸我们在吃冰激凌They can lick and watch. 他们可以边舔边看Ponytail, lights. 马尾男关灯1946. 1946年An iron curtain was descending over Europe. 一幅横贯欧洲的铁幕正在落下An iron curtain was descending over Europe. 铁幕在冷战时用来形容欧洲的分裂But in Youngstown, Ohio, a child is born. 但在俄亥俄州的杨斯顿市一个孩子诞生了While young Jay Pritchett was superstar athlete, 虽然少年时期的杰·普里契特是个明星球员he was also an artist 但他还是个艺术家who dreamed of revolutionizing an industry -- 梦想要为某个业界带来革命性变化closets. 衣柜业He just couldn't let me have my day. 他就是不能让我当一天主角He had to make it all about him. 非得喧宾夺主It was disgusting. 真是太恶心了Although... 不过...the scene of him playing his father 他扮演自己父亲denying him a startup loan? 拒绝借他创业资金的那一幕Surprisingly powerful. 出人意料地动人心弦While America was doing the Hustle, 当全美忙着跳哈娑舞时Jay as hustling to build an empire, 杰也在"舞"力全开要建起商业帝国which is why one newspaper called him 这就是为什么有家报纸称他为"The hardest working man in closets." "柜界最努力之人"That was an ad. 那是他自己打的广告Who would've thought the company, 谁能料想到这家built by that little boy, 由那个男孩建起的公司would one day be the toast 有一天也能在of the international closet world? 国际衣柜界里成为业界楷模Congratulations. We did it. 恭喜大家我们做到了Margaret's mixing some drinks. 玛格丽特调了一些酒Enjoy the afternoon. 下午愉快-Nice! -Thank you. -赞啊 -谢谢Okay, Mrs. Graham's car is on its way! 格拉哈姆太太马上要走了You have five minutes to convince her 你只剩五分钟时间说服她that this house is fine! 这房子没问题Something's in this wall, Phil. 有东西在这墙里菲尔No, I am done with this nonsense! 不我已经听够这些鬼话了I can't believe I'm hearing this 真不敢相信这话居然from a person that believes in magic! 出自一个相信魔术[法]的人之口I'm not the one who told you this, 以后我不会承认我说过这话but magic isn't actually magic. 但魔术不是魔法That didn't come from your ear. 这不是真从你耳里拿出来的What? How? 什么怎么可能What? How? 什么怎么可能You're with them. 你也是他们的一员There is no "them," Gloria. 哪有什么"他们"啊歌洛莉亚Everybody says "What? How?" to that trick. 所有人对这个戏法都会说"什么怎么可能" That's how magic works. 这就是魔术的原理Things that seem supernatural 一些看起来超自然的事情actually have a perfectly logical explanation. 其实都有非常合理的解释This wall is warm, Phil. 这面墙是热的菲尔It's radiating evil. 正在散发出邪能It is not radiating evil -- 才没有散发出什么邪...Oh, that is warm. 的确是热的耶What was that? 这又是怎么回事- Faulty wiring, Phil?! - How dare you. -电路不行吗菲尔 -你好大胆子I would never sell a house with faulty wiring! 我才不会卖别人电路不行的房子呢You can hear that, right? 你也能听到对吧You made them angry. 你惹他们生气了I don't believe in any of this! 我才不信这一套But just in case... 以防万一...- What is this? Holy water? - ?No. -这是什么圣水吗 -不是Cucumber water. 黄瓜水You think this skin just happens? 你以为我这好皮肤是凭空来的吗Okay...okay. 好... 好吧The sellers are on their way home. 卖家很快要回家了Let's just put everything back the way we found it 我们就把东西物归原位and maybe swing by a church. 然后顺路去个教堂吧Come on! 挂上啊Oh, my God! 天啊Bees! ? 有蜜蜂Oh! Go! Go, go, go, go, go, go! 快跑快跑快跑啊Good news, Mrs. Graham, it's only bees! 好消息格拉哈姆太太原来只是蜜蜂I'll follow up with the escrow documents! 我会再跟进公证行的文件Congrats! Ow! 恭喜你了So, that was a fun movie, Dad. 很有意思的小电影啊老爸Kind of made it all about you, though. 虽然有一点喧宾夺主了Nonsense. Try a Jay-tini. 瞎说来一杯杰丁尼I'm good. 不用了Congratulations on the Expo, boss. 恭喜参展老板- Thanks. - Thanks. -谢谢 -谢谢I think that what's her name was talking to me. 我觉得那不知道啥名的女人是在对我说Oh? 是吗Oh, Margaret, what are my kids doing here? 玛格丽特我的孩子来这里做什么Oh, the kids have been using the company shipping. 这些孩子来用我们公司的货运They've been coming in for weeks. 已经好几周了I am so drunk. 我好醉啊Am I screaming? 我是不是在大声吼What do you two think you're doing? 你们俩个在搞什么鬼We just came to congratulate you 我们俩就是来恭喜你们on that thing that happened. 刚发生的那件事- Try again. - Fine. -再给你们一次机会 -好吧But there's no nice way to say this. 但这件事怎么说都有点怪I started a company 我开始了一家公司selling Alex's disgusting, smelly shoes 专门把艾丽克斯那些恶心臭烘烘的原味鞋to feet freaks. 卖给恋足变态们Wow, that is so gross! 这也太恶心了吧More like gutsy. 是很有胆识You got to get your hands dirty 要想白手起家一家公司to build a company from the ground up. 就要能不怕苦不怕累不怕脏I'm proud of you, Luke. 我为你感到骄傲卢克Uh, hold on. 等等It was my idea to start buying thrift-store shoes. 是我想到去旧货店买鞋I expanded the business and doubled our profits. 我扩大业务还让利润加倍You see what Alex did? 你看到艾丽克斯做的了吗She grew the business. 她让业务增长She took it to the next level. 把生意带到了更高的境界She was able to achieve what Luke couldn't 她做到了卢克尝试了许多年despite years of trying. 但一直都做不到的事It's really only been a few -- 其实也才几...You can't grow what doesn't exist! 没有根你怎么成长Okay. Well, they're on their thing now. 他们是在吵他们的事情了Just walk away. 我们赶紧走人Do you know how long I've been with this company? 你知道我陪伴了这公司多久吗Seven presidents. 美国换了7任总统And four popes. Yes, Dad, I saw the movie. 还有4任教皇是的我看了你那电影Couldn't you just let me have today? 你就不能让我今天威风一天吗- Why didn't you call me? - What are you talking about? -你为什么没打给我 -你说什么呢This morning. When you got the big news. 今天早上当你听到这大消息时I mean, am I not a part of this anymore? 我现在已经不是这公司的一部分了吗Is that what's going on here? 现在是这情况了吗I didn't call you 我没打给你because I was waiting for you to call me and say, 是因为我在等着你打给我祝贺我"Congratulations, you did it, honey." "恭喜啊你成功了乖女儿"Instead, I had to come here 结果我却得来这里and watch "Lawrence of A-Jay-bia." 看一部"杰拉伯的劳伦斯"全片有3个多小时《阿拉伯的劳伦斯》1962年上映的伟大电影- How else would anybody know I even existed? - What? -不然大家怎么会记得我的存在 -什么I spent my entire career trying to get in the Expo, 我整个职业生涯都在努力打进那展览会and you come in and get it done in 2 years. 你接掌公司两年内就做到了Come on, it goes without saying 别这样不用说也知道that this company would be nothing without you. 这间公司是因为有你才有今天No, it doesn't. 不不知道- Let me hear you say it. - Seriously? -我就要听到你说出来 -你认真的吗Yes. I want to hear it. 是的我要听Dad, if it weren't for you, 爸如果不是你we wouldn't be where we are today. 我们也不会有今天的成就All of your hard work 您所有的辛勤付出laid the foundation for our success. 为我们今日的成功打下了夯实的基础Now you. 换你了Well, if I say it, it'll sound a little conceited. 如果我这么说会显得太自大No, not about you! About me! 不是让你说自己是说我It's... 你...an unbelievable accomplishment. 达成了这令人难以置信的成就You've exceeded all my expectations, 你大大地超过我的期望which were ridiculously high to begin with. 而我的期望本来已经设得非常高了。

Excuse me, I'm so sorry.I never do this for celebrities.But are you by any chance the foxy momon the New Horizon realty ad.Am I gonna regret doing that?Did the marlboro man have any regrets?This ad is perfect.See, I'm not just selling houses,I'm selling myself,and the best part about me is my family.And my teeth.And both...are on display in this ad."I can't be satisfied until you're satisfied"?Coming soon to a bus bench near you,not to mention our minivan.So that's really happening?Wait. What's happening to our minivan?Having this bad boy shrink-wrapped on it.- Classy. - Yep.Now all that driving around your mom does will serve a purpose. Good morning, family.How are you all doing on this beautiful day?Okay. What's this?Haley's S.A.T. scores are available online.I hate you.Oh! ! Today's the big day.Let's take a look, see how she did.Do we really have to look at them now?Don't worry.We're not expecting any miracles.Thank you.Are those Haley's scores? Are you sure?Why? Are they bad?No, they're not bad.Are they good?No, they're average.Sweetie, we did it.Our baby's average.Medium five!This is just a fluke.She can take them again.Yeah, and she'll probably do even better.You are gonna have your choiceof some pretty good colleges when the time comes. If I go to college.What?I've been thinking about it lately,and I might...not.Later!Well, we took the scenic route,but we ended up in the same place.更多影视更新请登陆 更多影视更新请登陆 更多影视更新请登陆 更多影视更新请登陆 更多影视更新请登陆 更多影视更新请登陆 From Zimbabwe to AlgeriaCome on, let me hear yaThese are the countries, these are the countries Cam recently became Franklin middle school's interim musical director.Go, Franklin!I was volunteering for their spring musical festival when their regular directorsuddenly and mysteriously became ill.Oh, sorry.It may have been a blessing.Their show lacked focus.I gave it a theme --"A musical trip around the world."Yeah, see, he focused itby making it about the world.You don't like it.No -- Cam. I do.Do you -- do you think that the kids, though,are gonna be able to learn it by tonight?I mean, maybe you should stickwith something that they already know.I knew this would happen.Why do you have to throw a wet blanket on my dreams? - I do not. - You do it all the time.And you know what I end up with? Wet dreams.I heard it as soon as I said it. Just leave it alone.All right, well, Cam, it's just that sometimesyou can be a little, you know, overenthusiastic.Is it really that big of a dealthat I want this to be the best show in the world? Well, as long as you heard me.Be in my corner. Don't be so critical.We-- is that really how you see me?Sometimes, yeah, I do, Mitchell.Cam, well, if -- if that's true, then I'm -- I'm sorry. No, you know, okay, from now on,I am in your corner 100%.Yeah, that song is gonna knock everyone out.Well, I don't know, butwait till you see the dance I have prepared.A dance? A dance!More toast, Manny?Why won't you call me, Emma?More toast, Emma?Do you have to be on all the time?Okay, I'm sorry. Who is this Emma?She's in the show with me tonight.I'm thinking of taking a run at her.You don't "Take a run" at a woman.You woo her. You make her feel special.Hey, hon, take a look at this.It's a picture of my butt.And then when you get her,you can tell her whatever you want.Why do you do this?I programmed it so my butt pops upwhen my brother donnie calls.It's a clever way of saying my brother's an ass.Is it?That's him. Compose yourselves.Forget I showed you this picture.I'm trying.How you doing, you dumb son of a bitch?You old mick. Looks like you've put on a few pounds. Oh, you too.What, are you eating your hair?Oh, Gloria. Oh.What are you still doing here?There's got to be an easier way to get a green card. Hey, uncle Donnie,are you coming to my school concert tonight?- Well... - It's an hour, tops....wouldn't miss it.Hey, you know, I think I misplaced my phone. Could you call me on yours?My phone's at the bottom of my bag.Why don't you use your home phone?Oh, come on. It's simple.What are you doing?I want the phone.How about you let go, you --Give me the phone, Donnie!You still think you can take me?!What? Is this all you got, huh?I'm gonna wash your mouth out with fist.I don't understand this relationship, Emma. Hey, Emma.Doing this show, it feels likewe've become like a little family, huh?You mean like you're my brother?No. N-no, I don't.Oh, no!They're back -- dinosaur arms!This isn't a good time, Luke.That is hilarious.Half boy, half t-rex.One foot in both worlds,Wanted by neither.Luke, that's a great way to stretch out a shirt.Okay, okay! Break's over, everyone!Let's take it from the top.Listen, we're running 20 minutes long,So we're gonna go ahead and cut the Bollywood number. Can I go? I'm late for soccer practice.You know who else missed soccer practice, Delroy? The cast of "Rent." And now they have a Tony.The cast of "Rent." And now they have a Tony.We have a Tony.You are so funny.Seriously?Hello?Hey, honey. Did they drop the van off yet?Yeah, a little while ago.How's it look?Uh, well, believe it or not,I have resisted the temptation to look.This whole Haley thing has got me a little preoccupied. We're on our way out to lunch right now.About that, I've been thinking.College is still a ways away.I say we leave Haley alone.The more we push, the more she'll push back.I'm gonna push.And I support that.Only dad can make our minivan even lamer.Excuse me. What are you doing?I'm driving this thing to the reservoir.Just jump when I say jump.Honey, slide over.How is this stupid ad supposed to sell houses anyway? You heard your father.He's not just selling houses...He's selling us.What are my friends gonna think?They are gonna thinkthat you're helping your father put food on the table.- Ay, is the chair broken? - Almost.That cheap, freeloading brother of minecan't keep his hands off my good Scotch,So, you see, I placed that Scotch there.My brother sits in this chair, goes out from under him -- Bam! -- Masterpiece.So you make your brother fall and spill his drink? Well, I don't want to jinx it, but that's the plan.Why are you both so mean?Where I come from, brothers respect each other.That's why Colombia is such a peaceful utopia. Hello, ladies.Hey, nice shirt.Do they sell men's clothes where you got that?That's funny because women are so inferior.You got no taste.I bought this for Melanie's baptism.Who's Melanie?Michael's kid, my granddaughter.Oh, I forgot to tell Irene I landed safely.Hello?How could you not knowthat your own brother had a granddaughter?I probably knew.How can you forget when he's family?I have 29 cousins, and I know them all --Rosa Marina, Gloria Maria,- Veronica Maria, Jose Vicente - Okay, okay, okay. What's your point?You do the chair, you do the fighting,But you don't know each other.It's sad.Look, I may not talk to my brotherthe way you talk to your sisters,But believe me, we're close in our own way. When was the last time that you saw him?Well, that's not easy, 'cause he lives up...See, I want to say Buffalo.All I'm sayingis that there's no downside to more education.I knew this car ride was a trap.See that?That right there shows me just how smart you are. Really? Again?What is going on?It's the stupid ad.They're honking on my side, too.Yes, we're the people in the ad.Yeah. Hi.Another great thing about collegecomplete independence.I'd have that in an apartment.No, because to have an apartment, you would need a job. You want to know what your job is in college?It's a little bit of class and homework.And it's a whole lot of new friends.And experiences.And the boys think you're cute and you are cute,And, oh, trust me, that doesn't last forever.Call the number!All right!You in the mood to lose?First time for everything.You break.So, how's work?Don't worry, moneybags. I'm not here for a loan.Nice break.All right, you're solids,which you won't be able to eat in a few years. Right, right.Seriously, though, how are things going with you? Swell.I'm beating a fat guy at pool right now. Donnie, I'm trying to talk to you.Why?Why? 'cause that's what people do.Talk about things, like their lives.Oh, Irene opened her big trap.Look, I'm fine.It's not like I'm gonna die.What?Yeah, they caught it early.I took the treatment. I'm clear for now.Come on. It's your shot.Caught what early?Donnie, are you talking about...cancer?You don't have to whisper. I know I got it.You just get your prostate checked -- by a doctor, not some guy you met on the internet.I can't believe you didn't tell me this.Because it's not a big deal.Now, listen. It's just between us.Oh, god.Irene, how the hell do I know where your glasses are?And there's frisbee golf,And -- and you go snow-sledding on cafeteria trays.Oh, and you all get a dog together.I don't really know who takes care of the dog during the summer, but he's there when you get back.Geez, maybe you should just go back to college.Oh, honey, do you know what I would give to go back?It's this moment when your whole life is in front of you,and it's a magical time.You don't want to miss that,Because when it's gone, it's gone.Yeah, yeah.Come on, Alex. Bus is leaving.Dad, your phone's been buzzing like crazy.Sweet lorna doone!19 missed calls?I wonder who's --Phil Dunphy.You saw the ad?Great.Do you know what you're looking for?The little one?I think I know which one you're talking about.Um, if you're interested,I also have an older model with a lot of character.What?I think the carpet matches the drapes.I haven't checked in a while.Both of them?Wow.Well, I guess that makes sense if you're planning to flip one. Listen, um, why don't I call you back?We'll set up an appointment.It'll give me a chance to give them both a good scrubbing. All right.Thanks a lot.Bye-bye.How about that, huh?You think all these calls are about the ad?Yeah.My friend Nicole just sent me a picture of the van.I guess I'll be seeing you wednesdaysand every other weekend.Hello?Okay, um, you sound very angry,which is completely understandable.I'm not angry.I'm just sitting here thinking about collegeand how life has passed me by.Oh, thank god. I'll see you at the show.Love you. Bye. We got to go.And as the music swells,we reveal our lettersspelling "We love the world."Powerful stuff.And then the majestic Franklin middle school insigniawill drop into positionif Reuben ever finishes painting it.It's not the sistine chapel, Reuben.Surprise! Hey!Your supportive boyfriend dropped by to bring you a snack. P.B. And J.Pear, brie, and jambon. My favorite!Okay, people, let's take five.A true five.Hey, Manny. How's it going?Good, great, couldn't be better.Can we, uh...Yes, we can, uh -- all right.What's up?Okay, you got to talk to Cam.He's driving us crazy.Kevin is biting his nails again,And Reuben hasn't had a bowel movement in a week.Don't laugh. That's how Elvis died.All right, um, Manny,I-I can't get involved.But, all right, if you have to say something,just tell Bob Fussy that he's overdoing itand you want to go back to your old stuff.Okay, break's over, people!I want to do the french revolution number again.Let's bring out the guillotine.Carefully this time.No, no, no.Excuse me?We don't want to do the new stuff.We want to stop rehearsingand go back to the old way, Bob Fussy.I-I don't know where this is coming from.You all feel this way?Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.Well, I had no idea.I had no idea I was surrounded by a bunch of quitters. This production was a jokeuntil I introduced these childrento the musical-theater greats --Bernstein, Sondheim.Years from now, some of these kidswill still be talking about the way I sondheim-ized them. Ooh, I'm don't think that's a good way of saying -- okay.You want to do it the old waywith the same tired songs, the same drab choreography, the same tepid applause from mom and dad?Is that what you want? Just say the word.That's what we want. Yes. Yes.Well, too bad, people!We're doing it my way! From the top!This is a closed rehearsal. March.Hi, honey. What are you doing out here?Oh, just waiting for you 'cause I love you.Haley, come out this side.Why?'Cause it's fun. Try it.Yeah, the doors slide, the seats slide.What can't the sienna do?That was fun.Right? Let's go see a show!Sweetie, we need to close the door.Yeah, with the key.I like to see how far I can get from the carand still make it work.Listen, honey, honey.- Yeah? - Let me ask you something.Okay, I need you to be really honest with me. Yeah, you ca-- yes.Are my best years behind me?What?No.The trick is to keep looking forward.Here we go.Really?Yes, yes, for sure.You feel good?Yeah, I...Hello, and welcome, everyone.And latecomers.I hope you enjoy the show tonight.I think you will agree it has a certain flairthat has been lacking from this stage in years past. So, please, I invite you to sit back, relax,and enjoy this musical trip around the world! Wow.Growing up in America sure is great,but I wish I knew more about the world.Me too.I think I've got an idea.See you later, friend.Where are you going?To see the world!China looks interesting.I think I'll land here.Bring him down!Bring him down!Just go with it. Go with it.Oh. Hey. Come on.Geez, come on,Jay. You're in the theater.Try your jacket pocket.Sorry, folks.Nice. He taped it shut.Okay, that's enough.Ay! Stupid! You too!Don't hit him. He has cancer. What --Oh, my god, is Luke stuck up there? Phil?Come on.Yeah.Ye-- oh, no.Come on!China sure was fun.and look, there's merry old England. Has anyone here ever seen a globe? Full steam ahead!Ahead!Just sing.Oh, joy to salt-swept eyesFair England, do I seeSorry about what I said to Gloria, okay? Just came out.Let's go back inside.- Hit me. - What?You heard me. Hit me.I'm not gonna hit you, Donnie.Yeah, well, that's the whole damn point.As soon as you heard I was sick,you treated me different.Let me tell you, I get enough of that at home. I'm sorry.I feel a little bad for you, okay?I know we don't say this much, but, uh...I care for you, you know?Do you think I don't know that crap?I have known you cared about mesince we were 8 and 10 years oldand that mook Joey Calieri stole my bike and you put his head in the ice.What was that he said again?Um, "I can't hear no more.""I can't hear no more!"oh, Don.Your stage is all over the place.The kids are exhausted.You're making all about you.No intermission.What, are we animals?I --I'm gonna be fine.I got great doctors.The kids call me every day.Irene even lost 20 pounds due to stress.Good for you.You promise me you'll get that liver checked out.Ah, there's nothing wrong--Come on, Donna. Suck it up.We're missing my kid's show.You son of a bitch.Come on. Come on."I can't hear no more!"Okay, all right.That one was my fault,But Joan of Arc's gonna be just fine.It's not gonna be much fun doing the show without Emma. Maybe we should just stop this.No. No. There is a saying in the theater world that --"It's not worth dying for"?No, it's that "Endings make shows."And we've got a great ending.Now get out there and sing your hearts out.Oh, not you, sweetie. You just mouth the words. Okay.Uncle Cam, both my legs are tingly.Okay, we'll cut you down in just a second, Luke, okay? The show must go on. Have fun with it.Learning about the world sure was fun.But I'm glad to have my feet back on the ground again. Oh, Egypt is a land where the pyramids standWhich were built by industrious jewsAnd windmills go around in Holland townWhere they all wear wooden shoesThese are the things we learned todayAnd there's one last thing we want to say"We love the word"Where's the "L"?That's luke.Lower the insignia.Lower it.Lower it."We love the --"What the hell?No, no, no. No, no.No, no, no.No. No, no, no. No.Brava!Phil, where have you been?Oh, just getting some fresh air.- Honey. - Got it.Ready to go? Hey, look up at the moon.Would you say that's waxing or waning?Who cares? We can spend all night looking --"I can't be satisfied"?!My God, Phil.That makes me look like a prostitute.No.Yes. Yes, it does.More of an escort, really.You're just selling your time.- Whereas a prostitute just-- - Okay, Phil.I have been driving around in this all day.Well, since you're mad already,why don't you just step over hereand have a look at that?Oh, God. My baby.I am not getting back in that car!Oh, how do you think you're gonna get home, honey? It doesn't matter! I'll go home with anyone!That's what it should say on the van.Alex.I can't believe we trusted youto put this on the carafter the debacle of that last picture.Damn it.And that -- who was that?Probably another...I think the word you're looking for is "John."Get in the minivan.You mean to tell me thatpeople have actually been calling about this?There are a lot of creeps out there.That's disgusting. She's a child.Well, to be fair, most of them were for you.Well, it's still sick.What do you mean, "Most"?Well, I don't know. There were 30 calls.You got 20 or 25 of them.And they...ask for me?They asked for the hot blonde.Hmm. Men are pigs.Did they call me anything else?So, thanks to all the perverts in town,I realized I still have a few good years ahead of me. And if we have one person to thank for that,It would be me.No.Was it as awful as I think?Take the flowers.It must have been really hard for you to be supportive while I made a fool out of myself.Oh, come here.Luke, do you mind?We're trying to have a moment here.I can feel my heartbeat in my eyes. - In his eyes? - Yes.Okay. We'll get a janitor.Okay.。

Oh, great. we've got the Prius that can 真不错我们买了辆make dinner reservations, buy movie tickets, 能预订餐厅买电影票tell us the weather. 预报天气的普锐斯I just want one that opens. 我只想要一辆能打得开门的Maybe we should've got that one. 也许我们该买那辆Mitchell! 米奇尔Oh, oh, my God! Teddy! 天哪泰迪Cam, this is Teddy. 小卡这是泰迪Teddy, Teddy, Teddy. 泰迪泰迪泰迪Doc--doctor Teddy! 医生泰迪医生Teddy was Mitch's one significant 泰迪是米奇在我之前的boyfriend before me. 一个比较重要的男友Uh, Mitch had recently just come out. 那时米奇刚出柜And as he put it, 就如他自己说的it was hard to love someone else 如果他不爱自己if he couldn't love himself. 就很难爱上别人I actually said those words? 我说过那种话吗Ugh. It's kind of hard to love myself right now. 现在倒是很难爱上我自己了You were the one who said, "I need some time. 那时是你说 "我需要点时间I'll call you when I heal more." 再疗疗伤以后我会打给你"Ten years later... 这都过去十年了I never said that. 我从没那么说过Time to heal more! That's so sweet and sensitive. 需要时间疗伤真是甜蜜又敏感啊Why did you kill that part of yourself? 你为什么要扼杀掉这种天性You know, I'm hosting a fund-raiser 我这周末会在南大街的旱冰场for the hospital this weekend 为医院主持at that roller rink on south main. 一个募捐集会Any chance you guys can come? 你们能来吗- Yeah. Absolutely. - Possibly. -当然 -可能吧- We'll be there. - Okay. -我们一定去 -好吧Great. So 4:00 Saturday. 太好了周六四点见I'm so glad I bumped into y'all. 碰到你俩真高兴Us, too. Say bye, Lily! 我们也是说再见莉莉Bye, Lily. 再见莉莉I taught her that, so... 我教她的- Bye, Lily. - Bye. Bye, Teddy. -再见莉莉 -再见泰迪Oh, my gosh, he's great! 天哪他人真不错You're okay making plans with my ex-boyfriend? 跟我前男友共度周末你不介意吗Um, yes. It's been a hundred years. 不介意都过去那么久了Plus, this is one of the many benefits of being gay. 而且这也是当基佬的众多好处之一We can be friends with our exes 我们能跟前任做朋友without all the petty jealousy 而不像直男直女们那样straight people go through. 饱受妒火的煎熬Well, I guess I am friends with Pepper, so... 我跟胡娇算是朋友所以I went on one date with Pepper. One. 我只跟胡娇约会过一次就一次When are you gonna stop bringing it up? 你什么时候才能不提这茬When you stop reacting like that. 你反应不这么激烈的时候Daddy loves Pepper. 爸爸爱胡娇I taught her that. 我教她的That's private. 那是隐私Oh, sorry. But why do you have all of our names down on a list? 抱歉但为什么上面列了我们的名字It's for my school essay-- 为了写作文pick a hero in your family 要求是在家人中选一个英雄and write about why you've chosen him or her. 并写出你为什么选择他You're still in the running, 你还是有希望入选的But I'm not loving that you're drinking wine 但我不喜欢你照看我弟弟时while watching my brother. 喝葡萄酒Well, it was from an open bottle of white in your fridge, so... 是你家冰箱里有一瓶打开的白干It's about judgment, Claire. 这事关判断力克莱尔It's not the 70's. We know better. 现在不是70年代了动点脑子There was lipstick on the bottle. 瓶子上有口红印There are my babies! 我的宝贝们- How was dinner? - Perfect. -晚餐怎么样 -非常完美I had a steak, I had some ice cream, 我吃了一份牛排还有一些冰淇淋Gloria found a hair in her fish, 歌洛莉亚在她的鱼里发现了一根头发and it didn't cost us a penny! 结果餐厅给我们免单了It might have been my own hair, 也可能是我自己的头发but Jay was so happy that I didn't say anything. 但我什么也没说让杰很高兴What? 什么Honey, you got a second before you go? 乖女儿你走之前能跟你说句话吗I wanna talk to you about something. 我想跟你说点事All right. Why is she smiling at me like that? 好吧她为什么那样对我笑It's good news. 是个好消息Okay. 好吧You remember Bob from my office? 你记得我办公室的鲍勃吗Yeah, uncle Bob. The one who did the trick 记得啊鲍勃叔叔他变魔术where he pulled a quarter out of my ear. 从我的耳朵里拿出一枚25分硬币He learned another trick. 他后来又学了个魔术He pulled 50 grand out of our pension fund. 从我们的养老金里拿走了五万美元Oh. I fired him. 我把他炒了But the worst part is, 但最糟糕的是I was grooming him to take over the company. 我当时正培养他接管公司But there's an upside. 但这事也有好的一面He wants you to work for him. 他想让你为他工作I know it's just a job right now, 我知道现在只是普通工作而已but you know that he has this thing going on in his chest,但你知道他胸腔里不知得了什么毛病so you never know where 所以说不准什么时候you're going to end up, Claire. 你就上位了克莱尔Gloria. Gloria, it's a cold. 歌洛莉亚我只是感冒而已Anyway, look, 总之听着I know you've been wanting to get back out there, 我知道你一直想回归职场and I always kind of thought that if you did go back to work, 而我总是觉得你要是重新开始工作you'd come back to work with me. 就该来跟我一块儿干I-I worked there for half a summer 20 years ago. 我20年前在那里工作过半个暑假而已And it-- it was terrific, honey. 那时你干得非常棒乖女儿Listen, obviously, we'll start you out slow. 听我说显然我们会慢慢培养你We'll give you time to re-learn about the place, 给你时间去重新了解这个公司and then maybe move you up. You know, you do know a guy. 然后再提拔你你是认识个关键人物的He means him! 他说的是他It's a wonderful opportunity, dad. Thanks. 这机会太棒了老爸谢谢Could I--could I think about it, 我能我能考虑一下- talk to Phil? - Oh, sure. -问问菲尔的意见吗 -当然- I'll call you tomorrow. - All right. All right. All right. -我明天再打给你 -好好好- Where's my boy? Give me my boy. - Here's your man. -我儿子呢还我儿子 -儿子还你Here's your little man. Oh, love him. 小家伙还给你真爱他What did I say about these flowered blankets for him? 关于这种花毯子我是怎么说的He's starting to take after Hugh Hef-nerd over there. 把他扮得越来越像那位纨绔子弟了Very amusing, Jay. 非常好笑杰Let me just get your name down here. 就让我把你的名字从这里划掉吧Another brochure from a community college. 又是社区大学寄来的宣传册You know, I bet mom is having them send these. 我赌这些都是老妈让他们寄来的Really? You don't think they've targeted you 是吗你不觉得他们已经将你as a must-have recruit? 锁定为必须招收的对象了吗At least this one doesn't have that fakey lunchtime shot 至少这一份没有矫揉造作的of the black guy, asian girl, and an indian-- 黑人亚裔妞儿印度人一起吃午餐的照片Oh, wait! There it is. 等一下在这儿呢Wow, that wheelchair kid is really cracking everybody up. 那坐轮椅的孩子把其他人都逗乐了girls, your mom's on her way home with dinner! 闺女们你们的妈妈就要带晚餐回来了I never got this. 就当我从没收到过这个If he sees it, we'll have to talk about it. 要是被他看见又要找我谈话了What? 什么事What what? 什么什么事If grandpa calls, I'm not home. 如果你们姥爷打电话来就说我不在家what happened? 怎么了He wants me to work for him. 他想让我为他工作Like, groom me to take over or something. 培养我接管他的生意什么的I don't know how I'm gonna say no. 我不知道该怎么拒绝Why would you say no? 你为什么要拒绝I thought you were looking for something. 你不是正要找工作吗We could use the money, too, 而且我们也能增加收入啊especially if Haley decides to go back to school. 尤其是万一海莉决定回去念书的话Oh, is she still throwing out those college brochures? 她还是把那些学校的宣传册都扔掉吗Just tossed one now. 刚才还扔了一份Who does she think empties the trash? 她以为是谁在负责倒垃圾啊You know what really sucks? 知道最惨的是什么吗That job could be great. 那份工作本来挺不错的But my dad is a terrible boss. He is so mean. 但我爸是个糟糕的老板他太刻薄了"Princess, coffeepot's not gonna wash itself." 大小姐咖啡壶是不会给自己洗澡的That's where you got that? 原来你是从他那里学的I said it to you one time. 我就跟你说过一次Well, you just gotta tell him straight up, man to man. 那你直接告诉他好了开诚布公Woman to man. You're very shapely. 开诚布母你是非常有个性的I know. I will. 我知道我会说的It's just I hate it so much. 我只是非常讨厌那种感觉The--the four big times that I disappointed him, 我让他非常失望的那四次it devastated me. 让我很难受I mean, the first time, I cut off all my hair. 第一次是我剪短了我的头发I went to college out of state. 我上了别的州的大学I crashed his vintage jag into a wall. 我把他的复古赛车撞到了墙上That's only three. 才三次啊Kids, dinner! 孩子们吃饭了Oh, loving this already. 已经开始爱上这个了If no one gets a concussion, 如果没人摔成脑震荡的话we're totally coming back. 我们一定会再来的So listen, if at any point you're not okay 听着如果你觉得看到我和泰迪在一起with seeing me and Teddy together, 有什么不适应的感觉just please let me know, and we can go. 就直接告诉我我们可以走的Oh, well, thank you. And if at any point 好的谢谢你如果你觉得you're not okay with me being so okay with it, 我对这事这么适应会让你有些不适应的话you let me know. 你也要告诉我Teddy! Teddy! Hey! 泰迪泰迪你好Aw, look at you! 看看你This shirt is fantastic. You're adorable. 这件衬衫太美了你真可爱You're adorable! 你更可爱Oh, I think somebody has a crush! 我觉得有人被迷住喽Thank you so much for having us. 非常感谢你请我们来I don't know which one of my girls is more excited. 我都分不出我的两个妞儿谁更兴奋了okay. Come on, let's get you some skates. 好了过来我们给你找双旱冰鞋I want Teddy to come. 我想让泰迪一起来Oh, honey, I-I'm sure Teddy has other things-- 亲爱的我想泰迪一定还有别的事No, no! You guys go! Catch up. 没关系你们去吧小聚一下- I'll lace up. - Okay. -我先穿鞋 -好的Okay, ready? 可以走了吗- Have fun, okay! - Hey, uncle Cam! -玩开心点 -小卡舅舅Oh, my gosh! Hey! What's--what's going on? 我的天怎么回事What--what are you guys doing here? 你们怎么会在这里- Teddy invited us. - You guys know Teddy. -泰迪邀请我们来的 -你们认识泰迪- Yeah, totally. - Yeah, Teddy's great. -那是当然 -没错泰迪棒极了Heads up, amateurs! 注意了业余爱好者们It's time to rock 'n' roll! Do you get it? 摇滚时间到你们听到了没Cam, what are you doing here? 小卡你在这里做什么Oh, hell, it's dad. 见鬼爸爸来了Whose dad? Not your dad. 谁爸爸不是你爸爸吧I have been avoiding his calls all day. 我一整天都没接他的电话Quick, Phil, slingshot me. All right. 快菲尔把我推远点走你Oh. Limbo skate, kids. 孩子们林波舞滑法[后仰从横杆下穿过]How low can you go? 你的身段能放多低I'm at a roller rink with my family 周六晚上我居然和家人在on a Saturday night. I win. 旱冰场玩还能更低吗I have got to get a photo of Lily. 我得给莉莉照张相Teddy's making her giggle so hard. 泰迪把她逗得前仰后合的Oh, well, everybody loves... Teddy, so... 人人都爱...泰迪But you'll let me know if you're not okay. 但你要是介意的话就告诉我Mitchell, do you know your entire family's here, 米奇尔你知道你全家人都被你前男友invited by your ex-boyfriend? 邀请来了吗Phil and Claire, Jay and Gloria, 菲尔和克莱尔杰和歌洛莉亚your cousin Pete. 还有你堂兄皮特C--it's a-- it's a fund-raiser, all right? 小卡这是场募捐活动好吗I'm sure he just invited everyone on his contact list. 我想他一定是把自己所有联系人都请来了Oh, well, that makes sense. 那倒是能说得通Yes, of course it does. 当然说得通and... I'm flattered. 还有我受宠若惊Why are you flattered? 为什么你会受宠若惊- You know. - I don't. -你懂的啦 -我不懂You do! 你懂I really don't! 我真不懂Gloria, throw on those skates and take a whirl with me. 歌洛莉亚穿上溜冰鞋跟我去冰上旋转Oh, I totally would, 我非常想去but I'm taking care of Lily and she doesn't want to. 但我在照顾莉莉她不想滑冰Oh. Yes, I do. 我想滑No, you don't. You told me before. 不你不想你告诉过我的You don't remember? Why would I lie? 你不记得了吗我怎么会撒谎呢Gloria. 歌洛莉亚You don't know how to roller-skate. 你不会滑旱冰Of course I do. I know how to do everything. 我当然会了我没什么不会的I can't lie to that face. 对着你我真是撒不了谎It's a good thing that we're not married. 没嫁给你真是件好事Well, I don't... 我不...I can't skate. I am an elegant woman. 我不会滑冰我是个优雅的女子That means that I never do 这意味着我永远也不去做the few things that I don't really do that good. 那少数几件我做得不太完美的事情But I'm a natural teacher. 可我是一名天生的滑冰老师But I'm going to look stupid. 但我会看起来很蠢Gloria... 歌洛莉亚Trust me. 相信我As long as you're standing next to me, 只要站在我身边you will not look stupid. 你就不会看起来很蠢Oh, thank god! There is no place to sit. 太好了都没地方坐了Always room at my table for my darling nieces. 我总会给亲爱的侄女们留位置的Uhh... You beat us to it. 被你们先抢了We were gonna ask this kid if we could share. 我们正准备问这小孩能不能一起坐呢Well, he was just leaving. 他就要走了Yeah, you can totally sit with us. 你们完全可以过来一起坐You know, I debated even putting you two on here. 我当时甚至不想把你们两个写进名单Whoa, fancy. 漂亮哦Yeah, I know. Well, I did used to work here. 我知道我可是曾在这里工作过的W-w-wait. You're the Claire from the bathroom? 等等你是厕所墙上照片里那个克莱尔Oh, is it still here? 那照片还在呢Y-yeah... oh... 是的Oh! Hey! Look at you two catching up 看看你俩多年未见- after all these years. - Well, it hasn't been that long. -聊得真欢乐 -没那么久It's been like a month since you came by 也就一个月前艾丽克斯得了流感- when Alex had the flu, right? - Oh, no kidding! -他还来过呢对吧 -没开玩笑吧Well, I do get a home-cooked meal out of it. 我还在她家吃了顿家常饭呢Plus I owe these guys. 而且我欠他们个人情Phil helped me buy my last two houses. 我最近两次买房菲尔帮了不少忙Oh. So good. Such great stories. 真棒多好的一段故事- Yeah. - Hey, you! -是啊 -叫你呢You owe me a phone call! 你怎么不给我回电话I know! I'm gonna call you! 我知道我会打给你的Hey! Teddy's here, huh? 泰迪在这里Hey, you deadbeat, you owe me 50 bucks for the golf. 你个赖账的打高尔夫还欠我50呢Well, maybe I'll slip it to you during your next prostate exam.等你下次前列腺检查时我再塞给你I'll bet you're counting the days, you perv. 我打赌你就盼着那天了小色鬼Oh. So funny. 真有趣啊You and Jay really seem to have a thing, don't ya? 你和杰还真有话说呀是吧And Gloria--what's the nature of your relationship with her? 你和歌洛莉亚关系怎么样Well, actually, we just met tonight. 事实上我们今晚第一次见面You know, I'm not so sure she likes me. 我不是很确定她喜不喜欢我Really? 真的吗Uh, well, I mean, she just takes a little time to warm up. 我是说她需要点时间才能熟络Oh, thanks. And thank you, again, for coming tonight. 谢谢也谢谢你今晚能过来With the money we raised, we'll be able 利用筹集的这些钱我们可以to inoculate over 4,000 needy kids 给四千多个有需要的孩子接种疫苗against some truly awful diseases. 抵御一些非常可怕的疾病And how well do you know Luke? 你跟卢克关系怎么样I love that movie, too! 我也喜欢那部电影Yeah, that cool fight scene on that skyscraper in Shanghai--在上海摩天大楼上的那场打斗戏太帅了It really made me want to go to Japan. 让我好想去日本Why? Shanghai's in China. 为什么上海在中国I'm just saying, you don't want to fly to Japan, 我是说你可不想飞到日本get in a cab and say, "Take me to downtown Shanghai." 然后打车说 "送我去上海市中心" It's a pretty expensive ride. 那可太贵了Uh, um, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. 我要去趟厕所Come with me. 跟我一起去Be right back, guys. 马上回来哦帅哥们Uh, what do you think you're doing out there? 你在干什么- I'm flirting. - That's what I was afraid of. -我在勾搭啊 -这就是我担心的Look, I'm not gonna pretend I'm stupid 我可不会为了让一个男生喜欢我- just so a boy will like me. - Of course not. -就故意装傻 -当然不But you don't have to put the poor guy to shame. 但你不一定要贬低那可怜的男孩Flirting with boys is about increasing your value, 勾搭男人是要增加你自己的魅力not decreasing theirs. 不是去打压他们That's a complicated thought. What magazine taught you that? 真是复杂你在哪本杂志里学到的You're doing it again! The mean thing. 你又来了又贬低他人Can you even hear it or what?! 你自己有没有意识到啊- I heard it. - Good. -我意识到了 -好So now that he knows that you're smart, 现在他知道你很聪明了let's work on being nice. 我们来试着表现得温柔些- Wanna ditch the hoodie? - No. -把帽衫脱掉好吗 -不That's all good. It's a process. 没事没事慢慢来Man, tough finding a hero in this family, huh? 哥们在这家里想找出个英雄很难吧You know, I've got problems of my own. 我自己也有很多麻烦事I can't always be the lovable sidekick on "The Manny show." 不可能总是配合你演出Did you even notice I'm binge-eating? 你难道没有发现我在暴饮暴食吗Whoa. You're really going through something. 看来你真的有心事Wanna talk about it? 想谈谈吗Not even a little bit. 一点也不想And don't go hounding me like you always do. 也别像往常一样烦我Well, thanks for restoring my faith in this family. 多谢你重建我对这个家庭的信心Too bad I'm not related to Teddy. 我要是泰迪的亲戚就好了- He seems terrific. - Doesn't he, though? -他这人似乎很棒 -可不是吗Knees bent. 屈膝Arms loose. Chin up. 放松手臂挺胸Butt out. 提臀Ay, no, Phil. This is too much. 我不行了菲尔太难了No, just remember, "Kbalcubo." 记住口诀 "屈松挺提"K-b-a-l-c-u-b-o. 屈松挺提"Koala bears always lose cherries under big overpasses." 就是"屈膝放松手臂挺胸提臀" Ay, no! How am I gonna remember all that?! 这么长我怎么记得住啊I gotcha. 我扶住你了Ay, Teddy... Teddy, you're amazing! 泰迪你真帅呆了Thank you for saving me! 谢谢你救了我Let me get in there, boys. Excuse me. 小子让一让让我来一拳Boom! 走你Okay! 好啦Okay, clearly it's time to talk. 好啦是时候聊聊了All right, Cam, Cam, you're obviously upset. 小卡你显然是生气了But trust me--there are no lingering feelings 但你要相信我我和泰迪绝对没有between me and teddy. 藕断丝连I don't care about you and Teddy. 我才不在乎你和泰迪的事I don't like what's lingering between him and your family. 我是不喜欢他和你们家人藕断丝连- What? - Mitchell, look around. -什么 -米奇尔你看看Your family is cheating on me with your ex-boyfriend. 你家人都在背叛我和你的前男友厮混Cheating--okay, yes. Th-there is a bit more contact 背叛好吧他们的关系确实between them than I realized, but-- 比我知道的要更亲密一点但是Oh, o-oh, yeah. Now this is where we make Cam 是嘛你又要怪我太敏感the over-sensitive drama queen. 怪我小题大做了God forbid we take any action to make things right for me. 就是不能为了我做出些改变Well, okay, okay. Okay, what do you want me to do? 好好好那你想要我怎么做Would you like me to ask them to break up with Teddy? 要我叫他们跟泰迪分手吗Is that what you're asking? 你是想让我这么做吗Of course not. I would never ask that. 当然不是我绝不会提那种要求- That would be insane. - Well, good. -那样太神经了 -那就好It would be as insane for me to ask that 我如果那样要求就太神经了as it would be sane for you to offer it. 但你主动提出来就非常识趣So that is what you're asking. 所以你就是要我那么做No, that's what I'm not asking. 不我才没要你那么做But if you decide to do it, I want it to come from you, 但如果你要那么做我希望你是自愿的Not me, 而不是我逼你的because I'm clearly not asking for it. 因为我显然没有那样要求你- Okay, this is nuts. - Is it? -好吧真是无理取闹 -是吗I worked my fingers to the bone 我千方百计辛辛苦苦to get these jumpy protestants to love me, 讨你家的老顽固们的欢心and now I find out they're holding a torch 现在却发现他们和你的前男友for the man who came before me? 打得火热不可开交It's not nuts. It's actually quite painful. 我不是无理取闹我很痛心Excuse me, sir? You just won a prize 先生打扰一下您得奖了for setting a rink record on the boxing machine. 您刚刚在拳击游戏机上创造了新记录If you wouldn't mind taking a picture 可以给您照张相for our wall of fame? 贴在我们的光荣榜上吗Oh, yeah, sure. Absolutely. Just one second. 当然可以我一会儿就来That's exciting. 开心吧Mitchell, I know you'll do what's right. 米奇尔我知道你会做正确的事Unless you like seeing me humiliated. 除非你喜欢看着我丢人现眼Thank you. 谢谢Everybody was staring, Phil. 菲尔大家都在盯着我Well, what if we practice outside where no one can see us?要不我们到外面没人能看见的地方练习Ay, and now I have the nervous burps! 我都紧张得打嗝了Oh... Claire. 克莱尔Dad? Wh-what are you doing out here? 爸你在这儿干嘛Apparently this is the only way we'll get to talk tonight. 显然这是今晚找你聊聊的唯一办法About this job. 关于工作的事Hey, guys. 同志们This sounds really important, dad. Hang on. 好像有要紧事爸等会儿聊Go ahead, Mitchell. 米奇尔你继续Okay, so listen. This is coming from me. 听我说这是我本人的想法No one else. But I need you to do something, 没人逼我我需要你们帮个忙- And I don't want you to give me any flack. - Oh, jeez. -而且我不想你们吐槽我 -老天爷That's flack. I-I think it's a little weird 这就是在吐槽我觉得你们how you all still hang out with Teddy so much... 还和泰迪那么亲近很奇怪Told you. 我早说嘛And I think it'd be appropriate if maybe you all, 我觉得你们以后最好还是you know, stopped seeing him. 别再跟他来往了This is coming from Cam, isn't it? 这话是小卡让你说的对吧No, it's not. 不不是Wait a second. 慢着Cam doesn't think we can love him and Teddy at the same time?小卡觉得我们不能同时喜欢他和泰迪吗And you just sold Cam out like that? 而且你就这么出卖了小卡Wait. What is that? 等等那是什么I'll tell you what it is. It's sad. 我告诉你是什么是悲剧Hey, skaters! Not an emergency, 各位顾客请别慌张but we do have a small fire in the snack bar. 我们的小吃店发生了小火灾We'd like everyone to calmly file outside. Thanks. 请大家有秩序地离开现场谢谢Okay, everyone, the exit's over here. 各位出口在这边Come this way, please. 大家往这边走Hey, this way, to the exit. 走这边出来吧All right, everybody over here. 来吧大家快从这边出来- Come on. - You guys, just do this for me. -快啊 -你们帮帮我吧But... he's all the way over there. 可是他离我们那么远There's no hurry. 这是70年的木质房We're in a wooden box built in 1970. 再磨叽就等着烧死吧- Let's go! - Oh--all right, let's go. -快走吧 -好走吧Okay, thank you. That's very nice. 谢谢你们你们真"好"Okay. Sweet of you. 真是太"贴心"了Hey, skaters, good news! 各位好消息Fire's out! 火已经被扑灭了Sorry for the scare. 抱歉让你们受惊了All right--all right, before you get upset, 好啦好啦先别生气this was just about convenience. 这只是因为那边比较方便Was it? 是吗Or was it a perfect metaphor? 还是在暗中向我表态Congratulations, Mitchell. 米奇尔恭喜你This is the saddest I've ever been in roller skates. 这是我溜过最难过的一次旱冰Okay, be careful. 小心点I don't want to get hurt, okay? 我不想受伤- No one's gonna get hurt. - Hold on! -没人会受伤的 -抓紧我Aah! That hurts! 疼死我了Okay, if we could just... 我们能不能Son of a Mitchell! 我了个去的Do not worry one bit. 一点也别担心You are gettin' it! 你就快学会了Let's get away from the cars, huh? 我们还是离车远点行不Disgusting. 脏死了Claire Pritchett? 克莱尔·普里契特- Jeff? - No way! -杰夫 -真的是你I haven't seen you since you worked here. 你从这里辞职后我就再没见过你Oh, wow! You... you still do. 你还在这工作啊Yeah, do what you love, 是的做自己喜欢的工作- you never work a day in your life, right? - Right. -一辈子都不用工作对吧 -对This is perfect. 碰到你太好了Some civilian just yakked in the rink. 刚才有个人在溜冰场上吐了Can you take over for a minute? 你能不能帮我照看一下柜台Um... no. 不能Ah, it's kind of where I make most of my money. 这是我赚钱最多的地方You know, I hate to shut it down. 我不想把它关了Ah, I got a girl pregnant. It's a whole thing. 我把一姑娘肚子搞大了这事说来话长- All right. I'll do it for a minute, sure. - Great. -好吧我暂时照看一下 -太好了- Thank you. Thank you. - Okay. -太谢谢你了 -行了- Oh, hey... - Yeah? -对了 -什么事I still think about that kiss. 我还在回味那个吻Oh, god. 杀了我吧Gross. 太恶心了Mom, I threw up. 妈妈我刚刚吐了Oh, honey, that was you? You're gonna be okay. 亲爱的那人是你啊你会没事的Let me get you something for your tummy. 我来找点东西安抚一下你的肚肚I'm just so stressed out. 我压力太大了You know that hero essay I have to write? 你知道我要写的那篇英雄的作文吗Well, dad kind of assumed I wrote it about him... 爸爸想当然地以为我写的是他But I didn't. 但我没写他And now he wants to read it, 他现在要读我的作文and I don't know what to do. 我不知道该怎么办Don't worry about your father. I am sure he'll understand. 别担心你爸我相信他会理解的Claire, I need some ice for Cameron. 克莱尔我来给卡梅隆拿点冰块And we have to talk about the job. 还有我们得谈谈工作的事情Unless you've taken back this one. 除非你决定回到这里工作了Dad, I'm with a customer right now. 爸我在招呼顾客呢I'll be with you in just a moment. 马上就来跟你谈Honey, I'll talk to your dad. 亲爱的我会跟你爸爸谈You don't think he'll be upset I wrote it about you? 你觉得他不会因为我写的是你而生气吗You wrote it about me? 你写的是我吗Mom, you know me and homework. 妈妈你知道我一般怎么做作业I didn't give it much thought. What's a hero? 我没太动脑子什么是英雄Someone who's not afraid of anything, 一个无所畏惧的人and who's strong-- that's you. 一个强大的人那就是你啊But dad's so great, too. 可爸爸也很棒- Here it comes. - Okay. All right. -我又要吐了 -好了好了You just sit down. Sit down, sweet pea. 你赶紧坐下来坐下宝贝Have your drink. You're gonna be fine. 把这个喝了你会没事的Here goes. Um... 真心话时间到So, dad, the last time we worked together, 爸爸上次我们一起工作的时候- it was tense between us. - What? -我们的关系很紧张 -什么- No, it wasn't. - Yes, it was. -没有啊 -有的You were--you're really hard on me, 你对我非常严厉and you talk down to me. 你说话时居高临下- You don't know what you're talking about. - Right. -你又胡说八道了 -好吧And when I confronted you, like I am doing now, 当我和你当面对质时就像现在这样you were insensitive, like you are being now. 你无动于衷就像你现在一样And while I really appreciate the opportunity, 我谢谢你给我这个机会and I do love you very much, 我很爱你I don't think that working together is a very good idea. 但我觉得我们最好不要一起工作All right, fine. 好吧I'm not gonna lie. I'm very disappointed. 说实话我很失望- We won! - Man, that sucks! -我们赢了 -太逊了Yeah, totally un-masculating. 是啊我们太没男子气概了Yeah, totally un-masculating. [其实是emasculating 这男生没文化]Well, at least you guys look cool when you play. 至少你们玩的时候样子很酷Let's play again. This never happened. 我们再玩一局这局就当没发生Actually, we need to go hang out with our family for a while. 实际上我们得去找我们的家人了Really? Now? 现在吗Yeah, but we'll be around. We'll see you guys. 对但我们不会走远等会儿见What happened? Did I mess up? 怎么了我又做错事了吗- No, you did great. - So he didn't like me? -你做得很好 -那他不喜欢我吗- No, he totally liked you. - Then why'd we walk away? -他可喜欢你了 -那我们干嘛要走开This was never about him. 这本来就不关他的事This was about getting you some confidence. 这是为了给你增加点自信Guys will pick up on that. Better guys. 男生们会发觉的更好的男生Guys who can lose to a girl without feeling e-masculated.我说的是那种能够坦然输给女生的男生Okay, try not to throw this in my face one day, 但愿你以后不会用我接下来的话取笑我but sometimes you're actually really smart. 但我有时觉得你其实挺聪明Like, smart smart. I hope you know that. 真正意义上的聪明希望你知道。

Haley,hurry up! You are gonna be late.Alex, what are you doing?I need to document Haley's first standard chain gang.It's not a chain gang.It's community service. And leave her a lone.She feels bad enough as it is.Okay, I'm torn. On one hand, I'm like,"Ugh, I have to pick up garbage all day."And on the other hand, I'm like,"Look at me in orange."Aw, that's cute. Send that to me.Haley had a little run-in with the law in college.She was arrested for assaulting a police officer. Accidentally. I fell on him.While evading arrest for underage drinking.That was on purpose.They were very lenient with her.She only has to do community service.Because I do not have any priors.Taking a little too much pride in that, sweetheart.Things can get pretty rough out there.I couldn't get my hands on any cigarettes.But I did make you a shiv out of an old knife.You don't make a shiv out of a knife.Yeah, you make a shiv out of a rusty spoon or a shard of glass. Or a human femur.Exactly. Be creative.It's really sweet of you, Luke,But there's just gonna be a bunch of drunk driversand vandalizers who were stupid enough to get caught. Or stupid enough to use the word "Vandalizers."It's vandals.I'm so alone.They're gonna eat you alive, suburbia.Mitchell, we're back.You are not going to believe this.Cam, do you remember why I didn't want youto swap out the handles on Lily's dresser?Because you lack a designer's eye and fear change? No. Because I was afraid two weeks would go by,and we'd still be using a spatulato get at Lily's clothes.Okay, well, we have bigger issues.Guess what they are cutting down at the park today?- A tree? - Yes. How did you know that?I played a hunch.Not just any tree, Tree-ona elmsly.Oh, no. That's terrible. That's our picnic tree.It's a nightmare.Well, someone's picked up her daddy's gift for hyperbole. They are literally chainsawing paradise- to put up a parking lot. - Oh, it's too bad.We have to do something.Well, if we knew earlier, we could.I blame myself. I've taken on too much.What exactly have you taken on?Are you kidding me? Teaching music?This dresser handle project? My role in the musical?Oh, that.You know what? I don't like your tone.The understudy's the most challenging role in any production. You have to be ready at a moment's noticeto go on and face a disappointed audiencewho was there to see Kenny Van Heffington.Our insurance guy?He's breathtaking.- Really? - Yeah, I hate him.Anyway, what was I talking about?Putting new handles on the dresser.Right. The tree. I have to do something.I can't live like this.Manny, while we're young!He doesn't want to go.That's why he's taking so long with the primping.A boy his age should do exactly zero primping.You ready?Not in the least.That's the spirit.This kid in my class, Doug Brooks,has a sports-themed birthday party every year.All boys. All sports. All day.He calls it the Doug-lympics,which might make sense if he did it every four years, or if his name was Al.Let's just say nothing about it works.Manny, it's a beautiful day outside.Go on. Enjoy your Dougy-lympics.You don't have to win a medal. Just have fun.Doug finishes with the most medals no matter what. Plus I think he only invites mebecause he likes to match skin color to nation.I know that's why Alan Yan gets invited.Okay, we get it. Sports isn't your thing.But you gotta step out of your comfort zone sometime. And for god sake,change out of those wingtips.You're a kid. You're not Nixon on the beach.Fine. I'll put on my sporty shoes.Where are they?They're still in the box.And don't forget to take out the paperbefore you put them on, okay?And they're called sneakers.Hello, hello!Hey, Gloria. So, ready to go?- Where? - Thought we were doing a Costco run.Oh, I see what this is.You called Claire to babysit the stupid pregnant lady! You're the one who called her.I did?I called Claire.Gloria needs watching.She's got a serious case of pregnancy brain.Last week, I found a bar of soap in the fridgeand a stick of butter in the shower.I walked around all day smelling like a bucket of popcorn. Better than the toast I ate.Yet you ate the second piece.Jay! Bye-bye! We're leaving!Seriously? I'm right here.Duck! Duck! Come on and hit him, you little freak!Talk about a big left hook.God, I love you.Phil in the blank!Phil in the blank!Bill of rights!Bill of rights!Jerry-atric!Jerry-atric!Alan's dad!Hey, guys. Luke, you getting in there?Of course.Look, I'm Mexico. Again.Does anybody care that I'm not from mexico?You keep saying that,but we've never seen a birth certificate.All right, look, I'll pick you up at 5:00.Knock yourself out.Or better still, knock someone else out.Jay, where you headed?Why don't you stick around and grab a beer with the dads? Oh, I don't really know those guys.I think I'll just swing by the club, hit a few balls.Well, come here. Let me introduce you around.Hey, guys,This is Jay, my father-in-law. Manny's stepdad.Hey, what's up, Jay-lo?Hey, what's up, Jay-lo?Okay, guys, I'll see you later.What's the matter, Jay?Afraid to step outside your comfort zone?I will send you back to Mexico.I didn't really call you, did I?No, my dad did. But I thought you knew.Ugh. I want to be so mad at him,but he's right.I have two brains in my body,but I've never been so dumb.It happens. I get it.You have another human being inside of you, competing for resources.Look, when I was pregnant with Alex,I could barely remember my name.Same with Haley and Luke?Mm, not so much.They kind of just hung out in there, let me do my thing. Thank you for understanding.I'm glad that you came.It will help me not to forget stuff.I'm glad I can help out. I--Why didn't you stop first?!Where's daddy?I don't know, sweetie.He said to meet him by Tree-ona.Mitchell! Lily!Where is he?Up here! Look up here!Cam, what are you doing up there?I came down to say good bye to the tree,give it one final hug,and before I knew it, I was up here.When you say "One final hug"...If I'm occupying the tree, they can't cut it down.I googled it. It's a thing.Okay, Lily, see, this is a nightmare.Tell me about it.You know what? You're a list-maker, a planner.I'm a doer and an action taker!Sean Penn would play me in a movie about this,or Anne Hathaway, if they wanted a female-driven vehicle. And who would play your long-suffering partner? Julianne Moore, either way.I would totally see that. I would.Hey! My supervisor wants to knowif you have a history of mental illness.No, sir, I do not.All right, Cam, let's hear. What's the plan?I don't know. I'm sort of making it up as I go.Are you sure you wanna do this?Yes. I've never been more sure about anything in my life. We need to teach our daughter the value of taking a stand, no matter the sacrifice!Hello?Done. I'll be right there .Mitchell, you need to get up here. I have to go.Excuse me?That was my theater troupe. An actor's sick.I have to go and do the matinee.What happened to showing Lily the value of taking a stand? It's the lead.It's also important to show her the valueof honoring one's commitments.And in this case, my commitment preceded my stand!This is so you, Cam.You start something, and then you expect me to finish it.So you're not coming up here?No! No, I'm not. Come on.Mitchell?Where were we the first day Lily rolled over?Under this tree.Where is home base when we play hide-and-go-seek?Under this tree.And where did we take shelterduring that dangerous lightning storm?Wasn't a good idea, but it was under this tree.Daddy, you've got to save the tree!Yeah, daddy, you have to save the tree!Okay, okay.But you get back here the second you are done.Well, I can't very well turn away fans that come backstage. The second!Last summer, my sister took a totally humiliating photo of me. Haley, that's not funny!Then she posted it to Facebookand refused to take it down.It got 873 likes.Meanwhile, there's not one embarrassing photo of Haley. Even her mug shots were cute.Today, I get my revenge.One photo of Haley, dirty, sweaty,picking up trash like a criminal.It'll be my finest moment.In a few years, I hope to have some more friendsand not have time for this kind of stuff.Okay. Hey.Where did you go?To get a sweatshirt.We've been standing in the frozen food aisle for half an hour.I need something frozen.Right. What?I don't know. I just wrote the word "frozen."Okay. Uh, let's think.Peas. Ice cream. Pizza. Waffles.Wait a minute.It says "dozen." I need the eggs!Ah, the eggs. Okay.Ay, no, on the other side.Oh, god. I-I'll get the carts.So that's... Oh, sorry.That's... That's me. That's me. I got it.Come on, guys! You're killing us!Where the heck is Mexico?Good news, gentlemen! I found another rope.If we double-dutch, everyone wins.Okay, hold still...And wait for it...This is what you'd look like fat and bald.On my phone, that app's called a camera.Bill, don't do that to yourself.Let me tell you something. Ellen is one lucky woman. Why is that funny?Because she's married to Jerry.Jay, you got any good apps?I don't know. I got call waiting. Is that an app?You guys laugh a lot, huh?Jay's a little technologically challenged.From a guy who can't drive a stick.- What? - You can't?Well... he called me to rescue him one time.He got stuck on a hill. He was afraid to let go of the clutch. By the time I got there,traffic's backed up half a mile,everybody's yelling at him. He's in tears.Not tears. Maybe sweat.Yeah, sweatin' out your eyes.I had about ten pretty bad pictures of Haley.I could have quit right there,but I'm a perfectionist.I thought,"I could do better. She could look worse."Oh, my god.All right, pal.Come down from the tree.Sorry, can't do that.Come down before we pull you down.W--hey. Ease up.What's the problem?Look, I don't want to be up here.You know? But this is my daughter's favorite tree.And my partner-- he's all up in armsabout them cutting it down, so...Well, if your partner's so worked up, why isn't he here? Oh, well, that's a very good question.It's because he starts things, and he doesn't finish them, so then I have to.Just like my wife.You know, my therapist would say we're "enabling" them. You and your therapist.I wouldn't have to see him if you hadn't shot that guy. Aw, that again?Look, let's just spray him with the fire hose.You're not helping, Terry.It's not your fight.So why don't you do us a favor,and come on down?Because he's right, all right?That's the frustrating part.I-I've been sitting up here these past few hours,and... this tree is beautiful, okay?And I-I can hear the squirrels dancing through the branches, you know, chasing each other,no idea what's about to happen.You know, this isn't just a tree.This is a home.Yeah, to, like, a hundred rats.They're all over this thing.Well, that changes nothing.I will wait you guys out all night if I have to.Cam, you got 20 minutes,and I'm out of this tree.Terry, you wanna get ready with that hose?So Alex comes home from school the other day,and she said the teacher didn't know what she was talking about, when in reality, I don't think that--You almost just cut my head off.You gotta focus.I am sorry. After all that, I forgot the eggs!- Excuse me. - Yeah, hang on one second.Listen, this is not just your pregnancy.You are purposely turning your brain off.You have to at least try to pay attention.- Ma'am? - Yeah.Do you have a receipt for that sweatshirt?Oh, shoot.I'm gonna need you to come back into the store. Oh, no. No, it's--I forgot I was wearing it.It's no big deal. Here.Ma'am. The store.Are you kidding me?I didn't try to steal a sweatshirt!Sir, I'm a mom.Gloria, help me out.Listen, Mr. Policeman,If we wanted to steal it,You wouldn't even know that it was gone!Yeah, okay. That's not helping.Oh, my god! A gold bracelet!Hey, can we keep what we find? Unbelievable.Really?Gentlemen, you wanna know aboutthe real ultimate frisbee?Walk with one balanced on your head for 50 meters. It is a measure of poise, balance, and posture.Let's just whip the frisbees at each other as hard as we can and see who quits first.Frisbee smash.Awesome! Let's go!Oh, my god, I'm Sisyphus.死后入地狱被罚做永无休止的推巨石苦工]A big one!So he's out in our yard and he's got a boombox...What's the name of that movie with the boombox?- Oh, "Say anything." - With John Mahoney.So anyway, he's out there,And he's begging Claire for forgiveness.She's still mad at him. She won't have any of it.So he turns it up full-blast,And it's Olivia Newton-John.And it's Olivia Newton-John.And he starts singing, "Let's get Phil-sical"!It was an inside joke.Well, not anymore!Okay, enough with the funny Phil stories.No, but I haven't even gotten to the best part yet.So he's doing his little dance, and I can't take it anymore, So I nail him with the sprinklers!Yep, and you also shorted out my boombox,which you said you'd replace and you never did.I never said that!Yes, you did. You still owe me one boombox,12 "D" batteries,and an Olivia Newton-John cassingle.Okay, uh...Why don't we settle it in the ring?We get in there,and if you beat me, I'll buy you any boombox you want.If I beat you,then you've gotta do your little dance for everyone.I'm in.Let's get Phil-sical.I wasn't worried. I'd boxed in the navy.And it was Phil.And here's something I thought I'd never say--I'd rather box my daughter's husband than my son's.I may have been holding on to a tiny bit of anger towards Jay.I scooped ice cream all summer for that boombox!Excuse me. Pardon me. We're here!We came as fast as we could!You couldn't change?You said come right away!Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen!Oakwood Rep's production of "Cats"!Make sure you catch it this week.Word on the street is the understudy steals the show! Mitchell, I get two more shows!Kenny Van Heffington's toenail is infected!Just get up here, all right?The crew has to leave at dark,so you have until then.Easy peasy.Sweetie, tell daddy what you thought of my performance. Transcendent.Oh, jeez.Is this sap?Why would I buy hundreds of dollars worth of merchandise and then steal a $20 sweatshirt?I don't know. Maybe you do it for the thrill.I know your type.You're a bored housewife, drives a minivan,husband spends a little too much time online.Got a couple of kids, a college degree you don't use.You could not be more wrong.Yes. She has three kids.Okay, no. No, no.No, no. No, that's not helping.Look, as I said before, it was an accident.Heard it a thousand times.Grandmothers, businessmen, honor students--They all say the same thing--"It was an accident.I don't know how that clock radiogot in my pants."Oh, for god sake! I don't feel well.Let us go.Yeah, right.Is that even a baby?'Cause from here, it looks like a turkey.I need you to sign this, admitting your guilt,and promising you'll never return to this store.I'm not signing that.Okay, great.Then I'm gonna call the police and I'll be forced to--What was that?My water broke!I'm having the baby!Sorry about that. I went a little nuts there.I don't know what happened.I do.I was ragging on you in front of your friends.- Oh, yeah. - Sorry about that.I couldn't think of anything else to say.Why not?I got 20, 25 years on those guys.We got nothing in common.It's only gonna get worse.I mean, what's it gonna be like with the new kid in ten years? Oh, my goodness.You're insecure and vulnerable.This is the cutest thing I've ever seen.Shut up.Who's a shy bunny?You wanna go one more round, without the gloves? I'm just playing around, Jay.I don't care how old you are.I could sit and talk to you all day.Those guys really liked you, too.I don't care about that.Did they?- Even Jerry? - Yes.Well, maybe you're right.I mean, Manny didn't want to come, and look at him. Looks like he's having a great time.So then Luke's dad grabs the taser from me,- and he was like, "Uhh! Uhh!" - No. No!That's not how it happened.Aah! Ay! Ay! It hurts!Hang in there! Hang in there!Get you to the hospital as soon as I can!I just want to apologize...one more time on behalf of the storefor any stress that I might have caused you.Here, you can keep the sweatshirt as a gift.And congratulations on this baby,which is clearly not a turkey. That was--- Go away now! - Yeah.Okay. Go on. Go on. Get in. Keep going.What hospital are we going to?- No! No hospital! - No hospital. Wow.You're one of those, huh?Okay, please don't have it in the pool, though.'cause we swim in there.I'm not having the baby, Claire.I was just faking it.What?Not bad for someone with pregnancy brain, huh? Okay, that's good. That was very good.Good thinking, Gloria.I'm sorry. I just couldn't sit thereand watch you sufferjust because you had turned your brain off. Okay, I deserved that.Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no.I just blew through a red light. Damn.You think you can keep the pregnancy thing up for a little while longer?I feel the head!Feel it! Feel it!Save it! Save it for the cop!Save it.All right, guys, that's it. Pack it up!You win for today. See you on Monday.That's it?That's it.So I'll go to city hall on Mondayand see what I can do,But... You did it, cam!No, we did it.I had to run away, and you stepped in,and like an understudy, you gave a brilliant performance. Yeah, but you're the star.Oh, well...Can we stop doing this and go home?Yes, Lily, but I want you to remember this moment-- The day your daddies made you proud.Turn her away, Mitchell! Turn her away!Alex, what are you doing here?Learning a valuable lesson about karmaand how wrong it is to take pleasurein people's embarrassment.Wow. I don't know what any of that means,but you look like hell.- Say "Geek." - No!He's a vandalizer!593 likes, and counting.Who does he belong to?He's mine.It was a great ending to an amazing day. Look, I even... Made the paper."Bizarre protest saves park tree."Oh, look what it says."This production of 'Cats' should be put to sleep." Don't read that.Don't...Oh, hey, Gloria.Listen, I called Jay about borrowing a drillfor my dresser handles.I got it right here, Cam!Oh, jeez. What's with the getup?Ay, good. You see that, too?Stella, stop.Ay, shh, shh, shh. Sorry, Cam.Oh, no, don't be. I take it as a compliment. "Cats"--now and forever.Actually, just till next Thursday.It's been described as "Transcendent."。

Gloria, honey! 歌洛莉亚亲爱的I'm ready whenever you are! 我随时都能出发We should hurry. The reservation's at 7:00. 我们得快点了预定时间是七点Claire, where are you? 克莱尔你在哪儿Okay, see you in two. 好两分钟后见What are you doing? 你在干什么呢I'm striking a seductive pose for your mother. 我想摆个性感僚人的姿势给你妈看Gross. But I like the suit. Is that new? 真恶不过我喜欢这套西装新的吗Oh, yeah. 是啊Now that his honey gots her own money, 爹爹的小心肝都开始挣钱了daddy went and snagged hisself some new threads, girl. 爹爹自然要给自己买套新衣裳闺女Hands down, your funniest voice. 这绝对是你最搞笑的声音Bordering on the offensive. 快让人觉得恶心了Listen, I'm a realtor, 你看我是房地产经纪人and I work a lot with families, 得与很多家庭打交道so normally, I dial the sexy back to five, 所以通常我不能表现得太性感but Claire's been working very hard lately. 但克莱尔最近工作非常辛苦So tonight... 所以今晚...Stick around if you want to see 留下来看你们的妈妈your mom's tongue fall out of her mouth. 被我迷得口水直流吧Not unless you want to see my lunch fall out of mine. 还是算了除非你想看我把午饭吐出来Oh, I'm sorry I am late. 抱歉我回来晚了Traffic was horrible. 路上实在是太堵了Sounds like someone could use a tall drink of water. 看起来有人急需一大杯水啊Yeah, right. Water. 是啊对水Luke, what did I tell you about 卢克我是怎么跟你说leaning back on that thing? 坐在椅子上向后仰的I don't know. "Don't"? 不知道是"不许这样"吗Honey, what are you still doing here? 亲爱的你怎么还在这里You're supposed to be babysitting Joe. 你应该去照看乔了啊Yeah, but I have to drop off Alex to watch Lily first, 是但我得先载艾丽克斯去照看莉莉and she's still not ready. 但她还没准备好She can't be concerned about her looks, right? 她不会是在穿衣打扮什么的吧- I can hear you! - I'm kidding. -我听得见 -我开玩笑的I'm just saying, 我只是想说it'd be sad to think she actually tries. 如果她还试图打扮就挺可悲的- Heard that, too! - It was a joke! -又听到了 -开玩笑的啦Man, do big ears actually hear better? 老天大耳朵真的听得更清楚吗Oh, my God, just stop talking. 我的天哪别再说了Okay, girls. 好了姑娘们It's time for you guys to hit the road. 你们该出发啦Okay, bye. 好了再见- Oh, yeah, bye. - Bye. -再见 -拜拜Why aren't you going with them? 你为什么不跟她们一起去He wanted to stay home. 他想待在家里I said it was okay. 我同意了- By himself? - It's fine. -他自己吗 -没关系的If he's old enough to watch "The Walking Dead" with me... 如果他能和我一起看《行尸走肉》- He's not. - then he's old enough -他还不行 -他就可以- to stay home alone. - He's not. -一个人待在家里了 -他还不行Claire, he's not a little boy anymore. 克莱尔他不是小孩子了I'm fine. 我没事See how deep his voice is? 你听他的声音多么低沉Are you okay?! 你还好吗请登陆 第五季第五集Oh, this is Haley. 是海莉的短信"Be there in 5. Alex took ducking forever." "五点到艾丽克斯特么磨蹭死了"Oh, it's fine. You know what? 没关系你知道吗We have to pick the "Save the date" card. 我们得选一张"预留时间"卡片I'm at a loss. 我好纠结Can we just do it tomorrow? 我们能明天再选吗I hate the way my dad looks at us when we're late, 我讨厌我们迟到时我爸看我们的眼神like we're two silly queens 就好像我们是两个傻基佬blasting disco music, 一边听迪斯科音乐primping, losing track of time. 一边梳洗打扮毫无时间观念Wow, it gets really busy in that head, huh? 你这小脑瓜想象力真丰富Okay, quick. Which one do you like? 快点你喜欢哪一张- Uh, that one. - Really? -那张 -真的吗I think you picked too quick. 我觉得你太草率了No, I didn't. I really like that one. 不没有我真的很喜欢那张I really like this one. 我真的很喜欢这张Well, then, why did you ducking ask me? 那你特么为什么还要问我Fine, goes with yours. 好吧听你的Well, if that's the one you really like. 如果你真喜欢的话就听你的Can you just get ready? 你能快点准备好吗Yeah. Lily, hit it. 行莉莉开始On it! 遵命Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! 快点快点走啊快点I've never seen you so excited about a restaurant. 我从没见你这么迫不及待要去一家餐厅I've waited six weeks for this reservation. 这次预定我已经等了六周了They have an Australian Wagyu beef 那家餐厅有澳大利亚神户牛肉that's supposed to change your life. 简直会颠覆你的人生In the way heart disease changes your life? 通过心脏病颠覆你的人生吗Because you're a pillar of health. 你真是健康的使者They only feed this cow alfalfa, barley, and red wine, 这种牛只吃苜蓿大麦和红酒and some chef hand-picks each cut, 每块肉都经过厨师手工挑选dry ages it 35 days 然后风干35天before cooking it to a perfect medium-rare, 才做成一道完美的三分熟牛排all for me. 一切都是为我而做Doesn't the wine make the cow drunk? 牛喝酒不会醉吗It's not "The Far Dide." The cow doesn't drive anywhere. 这不是在漫画里牛又不用开车去哪里Gloria! 歌洛莉亚Let's go! 快点走了You know she's not here, right? 你知道她不在这里吧What? 什么She's having her hair blown out. 她在外面吹头发呢That's a thing? 就这么个事儿That I pay for? 要花钱去做吗Gloria's always late. 歌洛莉亚总是迟到Then I get mad and tell her to hurry. 然后我就会生气让她动作快点We yell, and it just takes longer. 我们会争吵结果耽误了更多时间So I promised myself, no matter how late she is, 所以我暗中发誓无论她多慢just to take some deep breaths and stay calm. 我就深呼吸几下保持镇定That's the only thing I learned in lamaze class 这是我在无痛分娩课上学到的唯一一点because we were always late. 因为我们那时也总是迟到Hi! Everybody's running like crazy tonight. 今天晚上大家都跟疯子似的I took San Vicente thinking that I was gonna save some time, 我走了圣维森特路以为会节省时间but then they're working on the sewer. 结果那里在修下水道So I went around Montana, 所以我绕道蒙大纳路down Moreno. 又开到莫雷诺路上But then there's that dip in the road. 但是那条路上有个坑I always forget about that dip in the road. 我总是忘记路上有个坑I hit it so hard that I spilled the coffee all over the car. 车颠得太厉害我把咖啡洒得到处都是Did I tell you who I had coffee with? 我跟你说我和谁去喝咖啡了吗I think Luke is scared to be left in the house alone, 我觉得卢克害怕被单独留在家里and he's just pretending to be brave for you. 他只是为了你表现得勇敢Honey, he's 14. 亲爱的他都14岁了We left Alex alone when she was 10. 艾丽克斯10岁时我们就让她一人在家了We didn't leave her. We forgot her. 不是"让" 而是把她忘在家里了And when we got home, she was fine. 我们赶回家时她不是好好的吗Physically. 身体上没事Plus, she's still friends with 而且她和那个可爱的911接线员that sweet 911 operator. 现在还是好朋友呢Yeah. 是啊What are you doing? 你在干什么Making sure Luke knows 确保卢克知道what to do in case of emergency. 发生意外时该怎么做Of course he does. 他当然知道Someone's at the door! 有人按门铃Luke, it's just your mom testing you. 卢克这是你妈妈在测试你Don't worry, mom. 别担心妈If I hear that while you're gone, 你们不在时如果我听到这声音I won't answer. 我不会开门的I'll just hide where no one can find me. 我就躲在没人能找到的地方Cam, come on, let's go. 小卡我们快走吧Two seconds. 再等两秒钟I thought that being with a man 我还以为和男人在一起meant that I wouldn't have to wait around like this. 意味着我不必这样苦苦等待I feel cheated. I do. 我觉得受到了欺骗真的Let's play dolls. 我们来玩洋娃娃吧Actually, I want to read you one of my favorite books. 其实我想给你读我最爱的一本书It's called "Little Women," and it's about four sisters 书名是《小妇人》讲的是四姐妹who overcome poverty and the patriarchy... 克服贫困和父权制的故事...Nope! Dolls. 不听玩娃娃This is Ashley. She's a wife. 这是阿什莉她是个家庭主妇Well, I hope that's not the only thing that defines her. 希望她不只是个家庭主妇而已Does she have a career? 她有事业吗Nope, she shops. Where's Haley? 不她只购物海莉在哪How come it takes me five minutes to get ready, 我怎么五分钟就准备好了and you take forever? 而你还在磨磨蹭蹭呢Oh, please. I could get ready in five minutes, too, 拜托我也能在五分钟内准备好if I dressed like -- 如果我穿得像...You did it again. 你们又撞衫了Not changing. 誓死不换Fasten your seatbelts. 系好安全带It's going to be a crazy night. 这会是个疯狂的夜晚No, honey, it's gonna be a bumpy night. 不亲爱的这会是个不太平的夜晚Remember, you can't have two dads 记住你有两个爸爸and make that mistake. 不能犯这种错误Bumpy night. 不太平的夜晚Okay, so how often does this happen? 好吧这种事多久发生一次Too often. 太频繁Men just don't have that many options. 男人没有太多选择I can't tell you the number of times 简直数不清有多少次I've walked by a women's boutique 我经过女士服装店时and just thought, "What I would do 心里想"我愿付出一切to have that many choices." 来换取那么多的选择"Don't ever say that again. 永远别这样说了I don't like any part of it. 我一点也不喜欢All right, one of us has to change. 好吧必须得有个人去换衣服We look like twin toddlers at church. 我们看起来像教堂里的双胞胎小孩Yeah, tell me about it. 谁说不是啊And this place we're going is supposed to be super hip. 而且我们要去的地方很高端We're probably gonna run into someone. 说不定会碰到熟人And come on. I don't have that many outfits. 拜托我没有你衣服多My clothes take up exactly one-quarter of the closet. 我的衣服只占了衣柜的四分之一That's not fair. My clothes are bigger than yours. 这样说可不公平我的衣服比你大All right, I hate to play this card, 好吧我不想打这张牌but I was dressed first. So... 但我先换好衣服的所以Oh, that is silly. 真愚蠢Lily, it's time to play "Who wore it best?" 莉莉该玩"谁穿上更好看"的游戏了No, I'm not doing this again. I can't. 不我不玩了我做不到Fine. Alex. 好吧艾丽克斯你来Uh, I don't know. 我不知道Boys' clothes aren't really my thing. 男士衣服我不太懂Really? 真的吗I don't get it. 我不明白Doesn't the wine get the cow drunk? 牛喝了酒难道不会醉吗- Thank you. - Honest to God. -谢谢你 -天啊Have neither of you seen a cow? 你俩都没见过牛吗They're huge. 它们体型庞大I bet tequila would do it quicker. 我敢说龙舌兰酒会让它们醉得更快It's not the goal to get the cow drunk. 目的不是为了让牛喝醉You got to be kidding me. 没搞错吧Manny, see why your mother's taking so long. 曼尼去看看你妈怎么磨蹭那么久And don't tell her I sent you. 别告诉她是我让你去的Mom! Hurry! 妈快点Don't yell. I could have yelled. 别吼啊我自己也能吼- Then why didn't you? - Because I didn't want to yell. -那你为什么不吼 -因为我不想吼- I want you to go. - Why can't you go? -我想让你过去 -你为什么不去Why can't you do what I ask? 你怎么就不能乖乖听话呢I'm trying to do something new here! 我在努力使用新方法Stop yelling, Jay! I'm ready! 别吼了杰我准备好了Oh, geez. 天啊Haley, Manny knows where all the baby stuff is, 海莉曼尼知道婴儿用的东西放在哪里and if Joe won't go to bed, 如果乔不肯睡觉just put on Gladys Knight 就给他放格拉迪斯·奈特的歌曲and bounce him around a little bit. 然后轻轻摇晃他Oh, you still do that? 你还这样做吗I loved when you did that with us. 我以前就很喜欢你摇晃我们How about that? 怎么样Somebody in this family remembers a nice thing I did. 这家里还有人记得我做过的好事I remember something nice you did. 我记得你做过的好事You bought me this dress yesterday when you were working. 你昨天上班时给我买了这条裙子How do I look? 我看起来怎么样Gorgeous. Let's go! 美极了我们走吧You didn't even look at me. Haley. 你都没看我海莉Well, "A," your hair looks amazing, 首先你的发型看起来棒极了like you just got off a horse. 就像是刚从马背上下来似的That's exactly what I was going for. 那正是我想要的效果But if I had one thought... 不过我觉得吧...No! No thoughts. 别别觉得...are those for sure the best earrings? 那对耳环不是最适合的They seem to be kind of getting lost. 感觉不是很显眼I have the same color in a bigger size. 我还有一副这个颜色大一号的- How much bigger? - Like a meter. -大多少 -一米左右A meter? That's like a foot. 一米都有一英尺长了Actually, it's like a yard. 其实应该是一码才对Oh, sorry -- it's like a millimeter. 对不起应该是一毫米左右You mean a centimeter. 你想说的是一厘米吧All this math. Just show me. 数学真麻烦给我看一下好了- Gloria! - What? -歌洛莉亚 -怎么的I think the new earrings 我觉得那副新耳环are really gonna tie your whole outfit together. 一定会和你的整套造型非常搭You're so sweet! 你嘴真甜Wow. That was very mature of you. 你刚才的表现成熟多了Yeah, well, I'm a lot older now 是啊我现在的确比than when she started getting dressed. 她开始打扮之前老多了So this sound... 所以这个声音...that's the doorbell. 才是门铃声That other sound was the smoke alarm. 之前那个声音是烟雾报警器Got it. 知道了Okay, and if you're hungry, don't order a pizza. 如果你饿了不要叫批萨外卖They don't screen those delivery guys. 他们的配送员都没有经过筛选Half of them are ex-cons. 那些人多半都是有前科的Stop it. You're gonna scare him. It's gonna be fine. 够了你会吓到他的不会有事的But if you do choke, you've gotta throw yourself 不过万一你噎住了你要这样against the back of a chair to get the food out. 撞在椅子背上以便把食物吐出来He'll just drink stuff. 他喝点东西就行了Nothing from under the sink. 不要拿水槽下面的东西喝Even if it's lemony? 连柠檬味的也不行吗I'm just messing with you. 我跟你开玩笑的In case of fire, go low and get out. 要是着火就俯下身子跑出去In case of earthquake -- 要是遇到地震Wait. You think there could be an earthquake? 等一下你们觉得会发生地震吗The last time we had one, that big cabinet fell on me. 上次地震时我被那个大柜子压住了- No, it didn't. - It did?! -没有的事 -真的吗Let's go. 我们走吧Bye, honey, we love you. 再见亲爱的我们爱你Do you have the keys? 你有钥匙没We're gonna check in. I promise! 我们会给你打电话的我保证Uhh, what's going on? 怎么回事New suit? 新西服This old thing? 这个吗Yes, it is. 是啊是新的I got it at this hipster place downtown. 我在市里潮人集散地买的You like it? 你喜欢吗It's tight. 有点儿紧Well, the salesman said it was the style, 售货员说现在流行这种风格and he looked like a Mumford and Son, 他看上去像个蒙福之子乐队成员so I think he'd know. 我以为他很了解时尚Mm, let's go. 我们走吧Slow down, Flo Jo. 慢一点女飞人You know what? We don't have time for this. 我们没有时间争论这些了I'll just change. 我直接换衣服好了Well, now I feel bad. Let's both just change. 这让我好内疚我们还是一起换了吧That's the fair thing to do. 这样做才公平Okay, fine. But quickly, pLemony Snicketlease. 好的但是请你快一点I don't know. 我不知道It's blue. 这件是蓝色的Yeah, this one's so yellow. 这件又太黄了Oh, you know what? 你猜怎么着I have a stain on this one. I can't wear it. 这件衣服上有块污渍我不能穿这件Oh, paisley, yeah. I don't know. 涡纹图案不错我不确定Are you kidding me right now?! 你是在跟我开玩笑吗- What? - I know this trick, Cam. -怎么了 -我知道你在耍什么把戏You take forever to pick out an outfit, 你永远也挑不出一套衣服knowing very well that I'll say, "Let's just go," 你知道我肯定会说"我们走吧"because we're late. 因为我们已经迟了Meantime, you get credit for offering to change 这么一来你做了提议换装的好人while I'm the one who actually does. 而我却是真正换装的那个人- As usual. - Excuse me. -你一向如此 -你说什么Are you accusing me of manipulating you to get my way?你是在指责我操纵你按我的方式做事吗Actually... 其实...Because that's what my mother used to accuse me of, 因为我妈以前就是那么指责我的and I got to say 我不得不说that that brings up a lot of stuff with me. 那让我想起了好多伤心事You're crying without tears. 你连滴眼泪都挤不出来Give me a minute. 给我点时间"'Christmas won't be Christmas without any presents,' "圣诞节要是没有礼物就不是圣诞节了" "Grumbled Jo. "乔抱怨道"'it's so dreadful to be poor,' sighed --" "贫困真是可怕她感叹着"Stop! I hate this. 够了我不爱听这个Can I put makeup on you? 我能给你化妆吗Why does everyone ask me that? 怎么总有人这么问我Let's just have a good time tonight, all right? 我们今晚就高高兴兴地享受一下行吗- I'm not mad. - Okay, good. -我没生气 -好很好And you do look super-duper handsome in that. 而且你穿那套衣服帅呆酷毙了Don't even. 别扯了I'm gonna grab a water for the road. 我去拿些水在路上喝Yeah, get me a soda. 给我拿罐汽水Okay, Alex. Thank you so much. 好了艾丽克斯非常感谢你Have a fun night. 晚上玩得开心点Honey, we love you. 宝贝我们爱你- Here you go. -All right. Thank you. -给你 -好的谢谢Okay, and remember, no eating in the living room. 记住不许在客厅里吃东西Aah! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! 我的天我的天What did you do? What did you do?! 你做了什么你做了什么Come on! You can't possibly think -- 拜托你不会以为...You shook this can 你摇晃这罐子来着so you could wear the outfit that I wanted to wear? 这样你就能穿这套我想穿的衣服了That is exactly what I think! 是的我就是这么想的That is insane. 这太荒谬了You saw me take it from the refrigerator 你看着我把汽水从冰箱里- and bring it to you. - Did I? -拿出来给你的 -是吗Or were you out of my sight for the two seconds 还是你趁我没注意that it took you to get from the refrigerator to here, 在从冰箱那里走过来的两秒钟里which would have given you exactly the right amount of time 摇晃了这罐汽水而两秒钟刚好足够to shake the can? 用来摇晃汽水Nice theory, Nancy Grace, but I'm not that petty. 真棒大神探但我没那么小心眼Okay, you two. Did you see anything? 你们俩看见什么没有Just pretend you're coloring. 假装在涂色Okay, what are you doing? 你在干嘛I'm trying to reach the mirror. 我在尝试够到镜子I got something in my eye. 我眼睛里进东西了Hi, you've reached the Dunphys. 你好这里是邓菲家Why isn't Luke picking up? 卢克为什么不接电话It's hard to reach the phone 被一个刚被假释的when you're tied up by a recently paroled pizza guy. 比萨配送员绑住的确很难接电话Ha ha. You're very funny. 你真幽默What are you doing? 你干什么I know it sounds weird. 我知道这听起来很奇怪Call it mother's intuition, 也许是母亲的直觉吧but I just have this feeling that something is wrong. 但我有种不祥的预感Fine, do what you want, 好吧你爱怎样就怎样吧but I've just about had it up to -- 但我已经忍了你...higher than here with this. 比这还要多Die, pizza man! 去死吧送比萨的Stop! Stop! 住手住手Oh. Sorry, mom. 妈妈啊对不起Told you he could take care of himself. 告诉过你他能照顾好自己了Move. 让开Why does she do this? 她为什么要这样呢We're gonna lose our table. 我们的订位会被取消的She knows how important it is to me to be on time. 她知道准时到达对我有多重要This is torture. 真是折磨人I think you've lost perspective, Jay. 你重点搞错了吧杰You know what I would give to wait around 你知道我愿付出多少来换取for a woman like that? 等待这样一个女人的权利吗Reel it in, creepy. 少来了小变态That's your mother up there. 你说的可是你亲娘Sorry, sorry. 抱歉抱歉Once I changed the earrings, I had to change the shoes. 我换了耳环之后就得把鞋子也换了And then I tried on one of Gloria's old dresses, 然后我试穿了歌洛莉亚的一条裙子which made me feel like a 10-year-old boy. 让我觉得自己像个10岁的小男孩Ay, your body's beautiful. 你身材很棒I agree. 我同意Take it outside the family. 留着对外人说去Okay, we ready to go? 准备好出发了吗Wait. I have the wrong lipstick. 等等我拿错了口红Oh! That's it! I've had it! 够了我受够了Just one minute! 就给我一分钟Nothing takes a minute with you. 你不可能一分钟内做完We're leaving right now. 我们现在就走I don't care what you have to do. 我不管你要干嘛It's bad enough you're being rude to me, 你对我这么无礼也就算了but you're being rude 但你这样对那些to the people sitting there waiting for us! 在等着我们的人太不尊重了Sorry, you're the first to arrive, 不好意思你们是最先到的and we can't seat you till everyone's here. 我们必须等到客人来齐后才能让您入座I hope you're happy! 这下你开心了吧Where the hell is everybody? 人都去哪儿了Yes, I hate waiting like this. 我讨厌这样等着别人Do you? 是吗Just because everybody else is late 就算其他人都迟到了doesn't make it okay for us to be late. 并不意味着我们迟到是对的I can't get ready fast with all the yelling! 你总是吼我我没法快速准备好I wasn't yelling. 我没有吼你You see, you're doing it again! 你又在吼我了Gloria, you do this every single time. 歌洛莉亚你每次都是这样If you know how long it takes you to get ready, 如果你清楚你要花很长时间准备why don't you start earlier? 为什么不早点开始呢I have my reasons. 我有原因I would love to know them. 能告诉我吗You're going to be mean. 你会嘲笑人家的I promise I won't be. 我保证我不会I like to make an entrance. 我喜欢华丽地登场What's that, now? 你说什么I like the part where I go in, 我喜欢我走进去的时候and everybody's waiting for me, 大家都在等我and they say, 然后他们说"Gloria, you look so pretty, "歌洛莉亚你看起来好漂亮and that dress is so beautiful." 那裙子好美啊"Is that so bad? 这样有什么不好吗I don't love it. 我不喜欢Oh, this room is so nice. 这里真华丽呀I know. It's almost as gorgeous as -- you monster! 是啊华丽得像...你这个禽兽What? Oh, this? 什么这个吗Well, you know, you couldn't wear it, 反正你也没法穿so I figured, what's the harm? 所以我想我何不穿呢Mm. Okay, you know what? I will go over there, 好你知道吗我现在要走过去and I will be as socially magnetic as I always am. 然后我会一如既往地魅力十足We will put this on the back burner, 我们暂且不提这事but underneath, I want you to know, I am fuming. 但我希望你知道我内心已经气炸了Hey, Jay, where's Gloria? 杰歌洛莉亚呢She's -- she was there a second -- 她刚刚还在那儿呢There are my boys! 我的宝贝儿们来啦Gloria, you look so pretty. 歌洛莉亚你真漂亮That dress is so beautiful. 这裙子太美了You got to be kidding me. 有没有搞错You let him watch those scary shows with you, 你让他跟你一起看那些恐怖电视剧and then we leave him home alone at night. 然后我们大晚上把他一人留在家Of course he's gonna arm himself. 他当然会武装自己了He was fine until you gave him your "50 Ways to Die" speech.你给他讲"50种死法"前他都挺好的What was the one about the welcome mat? 有关"欢迎到来"地毯的说的是什么来着They are highly flammable. 那种地毯非常易燃For seven to ten people a year, 每年有7到10人死于地毯自燃they may as well say, "Welcome to the morgue." 毯子上不如写"欢迎来停尸房"好了You know what? Drop it. 好了别说了I don't want to fight in public. 我不想在公共场合吵架- It's embarrassing. - Fine. -太丢人了 -好吧Hi, how are you? 你好吗Good evening. Good. 晚上好我很好Oh, my leg's asleep! 我的腿麻了My leg's asleep! Okay, thank you. 我的腿麻了好了谢谢Sir, if the rest of your party doesn't arrive soon, 先生如果您的朋友们还不到we have to give up your table. 恐怕就得把桌子让给别人了Any minute. 马上就到Again, dad, sorry we're late. 再次道歉爸我们迟到了Yeah, you know, Mitchell put on some music, 是啊米奇尔放了点音乐and we were primping and dancing around, 我们边收拾边跳起舞来了and I guess, well, we just lost track of time. 然后可能就忘记了时间Actually, dad, what happened 事实上爸真实情况是was Cam was practicing this trick 小卡玩了个把戏where he pretends to be accommodating 假装善解人意却神不知鬼不觉地and then magically gets his way. 得到了自己想要的结果There they are. 他们来了We need a second. 我们要离开一下Oh, Cam, no. 小卡别Where are you guys going? 你们要去哪Can't talk. Too mad. 我不想说话太生气了Oh, God. 天哪Hi, dad. 爸Where's Gloria? 歌洛莉亚在哪里She -- for the love of -- 她看在老天爷的份上There you are! 你们来了Oh, my goodness! That dress! 我的天啊这裙子Gloria, holy mackerel. 歌洛莉亚好家伙We're so sorry we're late. 真抱歉我们迟到了We had to drop Luke off at your place. 我们不得不把卢克送到你们家Phil wanted him to stay home alone, but he got scared. 菲尔想让他自己呆在家但他害怕Man, I can't wait to get some food 老天真想赶紧吃点东西in my mouth and yours. 用食物堵住你的嘴Poor Haley. 可怜的海莉What is she going to do with all those boys? 她带着那些男孩子要怎么办啊*I'll be with him 我会陪着他**I know you will 我料到你会**On that midnight train to Georgia 搭午夜的火车去往乔治亚**Leaving on the midnight train to Georgia 搭午夜去往乔治亚的火车离去*You know what? 你知道么I resent the implication that I always get my way. 我很讨厌你觉得我每次都得偿所愿Really? The "Save the date" cards. 真的吗 "预留时间"卡片For our wedding? 为我们婚礼准备的那个吗Oh. So, it is still our wedding. 那还是"我们"的婚礼啊I wasn't sure I was even invited 我都不确定我是否被邀请了because you keep asking for my opinion 因为尽管你一直问我的意见and then doing the exact opposite. 最后却总是按自己的意愿去做- That's one thing. - What about the music? -那只是特例 -那音乐呢I think our love deserves a band, not a D.J. 我们的爱值得乐队来衬托而不是DJ The tablecloths. 那桌布呢They make sneakers out of that fabric. 那种料子结实到可以用来做球鞋You won't let me pick one thing, and you want to know why? 你什么都不让我选你想知道为什么吗Because I have better taste than you. 因为我的品味比你好I was gonna say because you're a control freak. 我想说的是因为你是个控制狂And how can you think that I have bad taste? 你怎么能认为我品味不好呢We chose the exact same outfit. 我们今天选了一模一样的装扮Did we? 真的吗I wore fun loafers. 我穿了轻松的懒汉鞋You wore sensible oxfords. 你穿了实用的牛津鞋Your collar's buttoned down. 你的领口系的紧Mine's a more current widespread. 我的是时下流行的敞开状And I chose a bold pocket square 我选了一条醒目的方巾to bring out the stripe in the shirt, 去衬托衬衫的条纹all of which you wouldn't have thought of. 所有这些都是你想不到的Because, well, I've already said. 原因呢我刚刚已经说过了You don't like my oxfords? 你不喜欢我的牛津鞋吗I'm sorry. I'm being harsh. 对不起我嘴太毒了- They're fine. - Thank you. -他们还说得过去 -谢谢For a small-town detective. 如果你是个乡村侦探的话Okay, look. I can't help myself. I did it again. 好吧我没忍住我又毒舌了So, I-I don't love them. 我不爱你的鞋But I do love you. 但我爱你And I don't want you to feel left out. 我不想让你感觉被冷落Okay. Then let me have a say in planning our wedding. 好那让我在婚礼策划中有话语权That's what we agreed to. 我们之前说好了的You will, and you should, and I'm sorry. 你会的你也应该有对不起Thank you. 谢谢Can you just do one thing for me? 那你能为我做一件事吗Sure. 当然Just be honest, and I'll let this go forever. 实话回答我然后我就不会再提Did you shake that can? 你到底有没有摇那罐汽水No. 没有I'm gonna ask you one more time. 我再问一遍See, Phil? 看到了吗菲尔They don't let Manny stay home alone. 他们不让曼尼独自呆在家Why do you think Haley's there? 要不然为什么海莉会在那里Actually, we let Manny stay home all the time, 事实上我们经常让曼尼自己在家and sometimes, he makes cupcakes, 有时他还会做小蛋糕which I could use one right about now -- 现在要是能吃上一个就好了or a potato. 或者烤土豆也行。