摩登家庭 -第4季第21集-字幕-对白-中英文对照-看美剧学英语-打印-word版

Haley, hurry up!You don't have much time, and I made chocolate chip pancakes. Mom, I'm not 12.Dibs on hers.Honey, you excited about your first day?You know what? I really am.There's something about going to workthat makes you feel like you're...I don't know, worth something.No offense, mom.Listen... I wanna give you some advice.Do it fast. She's gonna be late.Work hard.Keep your eye on the ball.Stay focused.Never... check it out!Cam in overalls!Mitchell sent me the same text!Why "Look what you've done"?Oh, because Cam is helping me outwith that baseball field,and Mitchell hates it when he gets all farmed up.His turn-offs are farm, Fizbo,And, worst of all, farmbo.Howdy, life pardner!Well, I gotta go. Don't wanna be late for my first--Oh, my god! Why didn't you guys tell me the time?!So what do you think? Can we turn this into a baseball field? Oh, yeah. No problem.You know, back on the farm,I once turned an acre of corn into a snowflake-shaped maze. It'd still be there if our neighbor Billy Bob Sheinberghadn't seen it from his crop dusterand said it looked like a swastika.So how good's Luke's team anyway?Well, you may have seen them on youtubeunder "Boy stuck in batting helmet"or "Pitcher beans self."But a few of them went through puberty early this year, so... They say it's because of hormones in our milk.But whatever it is, they really jacked up.Luke and Manny's team tied for the final spot in the playoffs, but since nobody was expecting it,all the fields were booked.The other team wanted to settle with a coin flip.We said "Rock paper scissors." That's when talks broke down. So what do you do when you can't find a field?You build one.And we got the last laugh,'cause guess what I found there?Rocks, paper, and scissors.- I see home plate up here. - Mm-hmm.I see pitcher's mound in here,And I see little boys' dreams coming true everywhere.I found a dead snake!It's perfect.Not dead! Not dead!I'm gonna be mother of the year.I'm gonna be mother of the year.And this is our dining room, where we eat.And this is our kitchen, where we also eat.Who are you talking to?It looks like you lost your tour.Or your mind.The baby.Shorty's girlfriend Darlene send it to me.She said it's for prenatal bonding.I love it. We took a tour of the house.We took a look at all my shoes.Come on, Jay. Say something to the baby.Darlene's an idiot.Oh, yeah, beautiful.Your first words to our baby--"Darlene is an idiot."This is stupid. The baby's only 2 inches away.He doesn't need speakers blasting at him.Like in restaurants nowadayswhere you can't even hear yourself think.Ah, you're gonna do whatever you want. Why do I bother? Get used to that. Sometimes you just gotta let him go. Then he eats some sherbet and falls asleep.Okay, I'll chalk the field with this bad boy.And while you're doing that, I will get the bases.We make such a good team.Why does your friend have a chalker?Oh, he used it to propose to a skywriter.Oh, ma'am? Ma'am, do you need help with that?Oh, ma'am? Ma'am, do you need help with that?Oh, yes. Please.Is this your house?I'm moving in with my son.He's rich.Phone by the toilet rich.All right, so have you lived here a long time?I moved here in '62 to be an actress.I had one line in a "Rockford files.""He went out the back.,"Who went out the back?That was you.Well, you're all set here.You're not interested in the place, are you?- Oh, no, thank you. - Yes--yes, we are.Yes. Yes, we are.- Come on. - Okay.You gotta keep your eyes open.It's not natural when a ball is hurtling at your face.Will you choke up a little?Probably when they play the national anthem.No, move your hands up the bat."When they play the national anthem."I had a perfect record--22 games, and I hadn't played a single inning.Then the Mccoy twins' grandma dies,and suddenly I'm starting at right field.What does that even mean? Is it the same as stage right? All right, ready? Nice and easy.I haven't even thrown it yet.Then it's your fault. I'm doing my part.Forget it. We need to do something different.Let's change your stance.Try leaning in.Further.Now close your eyes.Ah! Perfect! You think you can do that every time? What, get hit on purpose?If you wanna get on base and be a hero.Some men are born into greatness.Others have it chucked at their face.Yes!Okay, Mrs. Brooks, thank you very much.We'll be in touch very soon.Say it one more time.He went out the back.- Oh, love it! Love it! - Brava! Brava!Bye-bye!What do you think, Phil?Well, I have to admit, it's a steal.Yes! Yes! I told you!And you said Gil Thorpe makes a killing flipping houses. Yeah, he brags about it all the time.Every time he makes a sale,he calls himself "Flipper"he calls himself "Flipper"And walks around making this dolphin sound. Like...How does he do it? I hate him so much.Okay, look, if the four of us go in on this together,We can minimize the risk.Or if none of us do it,we can eliminate the risk altogetherbecause none of you know anything about flipping houses. Okay, well, we already have it figured out.I'm gonna be the designer...Because I know about colors and shapes.Yeah, so does Lily.I'm gonna be the contractor.And I'm gonna be the astronaut. Oh, this is fun. Phil, you go.Mitchell, I am serious.I have overseen lots of projects in our home.I oversaw the remodel of our bathroom.Under budget. Right, Phil?Yeah. I was a little disappointed we didn't go forthe butt-washing toilet, but otherwise...You can wash your own butt for free.Well, that's not the same, is it?This is all fun to talk about.It is, but I don't think that you understandwhat--what this could really entail. And--Okay, there it is. Mitchell just said "No," So we're done. Surprise, surprise.Listen, we'll talk about this at home, okay?Don't give up.Phil, you think it's a good idea, right?Totally.Yes. And you know we can handle it, right?I think you guys can handle anything.And you go talk to him. You're a professional.He respects you.Okay. Give us some space. I'll go talk him into it.- All right. - All right?- Okay. - Okay.Listen...there's no way we're letting them do this.I know, right?They are not equipped to take this on.We might as well flush all our savingsdown my boring old toilet.Oh, you are really bitter about that.It's the one thing I asked for. Don't sit on your sunglasses. Sorry, guys.Whoops. Just to be clear, though.Under no circumstances are we letting them do this?I am totally with you.Okay, you stay here. I'll go break the bad news.Sorry, guys. Not gonna happen.- Yeah, well, maybe if-- - I would drop it.It's not worth the fight. Come on, Claire.The faster we leave, the less it's gonna hurt.Hop in. Yep.Why does it have to be like this?I don't know. He's your brother. Buckled up? Good.No! No! No, no, I see what you're doing!He doesn't want this either!- Little radio? - Sure.Phil! Claire!Come on!It's such a shamebecause I know we would do a great job on that house. - Totally. - If Gil Thorpe can do it, I can do it, right?Please. Gil Thorpe has decades of experienceand infallible instincts.As much as we'd all like to believe otherwise,I did not marry Gil Thorpe.Can you imagine that?God, we'd sell a lot of houses.Oh! Great.- Mitchell. - Oh, you know what, Claire?You gotta cool down or you're just gonna make this worse. Why don't you go get the coffees?And I'll deal with him.Well, okay, what are you gonna say to him?I'm just gonna talk to him man-to-man.Right.Okay.Hello?Claire, Phil doesn't want the house either, all right?He's letting me take the fall. He's a liar.And a clever one.Ugh! How long do you think you can keep this from her? All right? I'm gonna talk to her eventually.Well, as long as we're swapping stories,Maybe I'll tell CamWhat happened to the sweater he knit for you.What happened to the sweater he knit for you.I can't! I can't!I can't do it! I can't take this stupid thing anymore!It was stolen out of the car. Do you understand me? Got it.That is low.I know. Don't be mad at me.That said, I suggest you lose this number.I'm not proud of what I did,but I'm not comfortable squashing people's dreams.I am a cheerleader.I'm the guy on top of the pyramid shouting,"Go, dreams, go!"You know what's not a cheer?"Two, four, six, eight,you are going to fail at thisand lose everything we've worked for, Claire!*Hush, little baby,*don't say a word.*Papa's going to buy you a mockingbird.*And if that mockingbird won't sing,*papa's gonna buy you a diamond ring.Papa'd buy ten diamond ringsto get that mockingbird to shut the hell up.But I wasn't gonna tell Gloria she was a terrible singer. That's just taking a bath with a toaster.Still, the thought ofthat poor little thing stuck in there like a hostage, listening to that racket days on end...I just couldn't take it.*And if that billy goat won't push,*papa's gonna get every le--I'll tell you what papa's gonna do.He's gonna take a turn on that mic.- Oh! Really? - Yeah, I've been thinking,if it's a chance to bond, I should take it.Ay, Jay, that's great.I think that the sound of my voiceshouldn't be the only thing that the baby should hear. Same page.Breaker, breaker, big Jay.Baby, what's your 20? Over.Ay, that's so cute.You sound like Smokey and the Bandito.Go on. Go on.Hi, kid. This is your dad Jay Pritchett.Uh, we're all pretty excited to meet you.Just a heads-up--I might be a few years older than you're expecting. But on the plus side, we're very comfortable.What's that? Nothin'?Tough womb.What are you doing in there? You sleepin'?*Are you sleeping?- Ah! Ah! Ah! - *Are you--Ah! Still daddy's turn.Dumb--dumb rock!- Are you cryin'? - No.No. I just can't get this rock to budge.No. I just can't get this rock to budge.Okay, what did we learn from "A League of Their Own"?No crying in baseball.No. That Madonna's a lousy actress,and so are you.What's really going on?Okay.You know, over the last couple of months,I've applied for, like, five different jobs.- I didn't know that. - No. I didn't tell anyone,Because I didn't get them, Cam.I went to college, you know?And... I just wanna be able to contribute to my kids' education. And I wanna be able to buy my husband a present...with my own money.with my own money.Hey, you're preaching to the choir director.It's actually why I became a choir director.You became a part-time teacher in a public school for money?I make more than you do.I mean, before parking. But...Look, I'm sorry Mitchell killed our house dream.You know, now especially that I know you wanted to use the money for such noble reasons.Yeah.And also...there was this pair of boots.There's always a pair of boots.Mitchell, do you know what I've realized?That some thoughts are better left unexpressed?No. That in this relationship,I'm the gas pedal, and you're the brakes.Okay, wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.Last week, you said thatyou were the painting and I was the frame.That's if we were artwork.This is if we were a car.I know what part you'd be if we were a horse.- Excuse me? - Hmm?Claire and I bring you this great opportunity,And you stop it cold.I guess that's what brakes do.You know what brakes also do?They keep you from driving off cliffs.Maybe they're not cliffs. Maybe they're ramps,ready to launch us into new, exciting vistas.I am not the only one against this whole house thing. Phil doesn't want it either.You keep saying that,but I find that very, very hard to believe.Phil supports Claire.Phil is a cheerleader.Why can't you be more like phil?And then it hit me.I could be exactly like Phil.I could pretend to be on board,forcing the cheerleader to be the bad guy.I know it's underhanded,but that's the way I throw.- Mitchell? - You--you know what?You've convinced me.If--if you and Claire and especially Philare into this, then I'm on board.- What? Seriously?! - Yes! 100%.In fact, why don't you call Claire and Philright now and tell them?Okay. It was the ramp thing, wasn't it?You know, I felt really good about it.What?Are you serious? That's fantastic!Oh! I gotta tell Phil. I'll call you right back.What's--what's up?Mitchell changed his mind.He's all for it. We're flipping a house!- Yeah. - Yeah!Well, hello, Phil.To what do I owe this pleasure?Cut the crap.Cut the crap.You wanna play chicken? Chicken's my middle name.I don't know what you're talking about.I'm just being supportive of my partner and my sister, both of whom I love very much.How do you sleep at night?Soundly, knowing you'll do the right thing.So how about it, Phil?You gonna stop this train? 'cause these brakes are out. Oh. And I suggest you lose this number.Mitchell?Mitchell?!Yeah, I was pretty ticked offthat Mitchell double-crossed my double-cross.And then he stopped taking my calls,And so I sent him the following carefully worded text... "U suck."I could tell Phil felt pretty hurtand betrayed, so I responded."How r u gonna cheerlead your way out of this one, buffy?" "We both know this house thing is a disaster.""Then say something, or I will.I don't care if you tell Cam...""I threw out that hideous sweater?!"I spent months knitting that hideous sweater.- Yeah. - W--how are we seeing this?They're using the group text from yesterday.They have no idea these are even coming to me.Okay.Oh. Here's another one."We need to shut this house thing downWithout them knowing it's us"?!Oh! Well..."2 late."No, that--that's bad.Claire, I am so sorry.I know I should've been more honest with you, but I-- No, Phil.You know what really kills me?Is you didn't believe in me, and you believe in everything! You know, I knew that sweater wasn't stolen.And here I pick blue yarn to match your eyes,but I should've picked black to match your heart. Although you look amazing in black. Damn you.Come on."...Leaving 17 dead and thousands without power." Ay, Jay, please!It's bad that the baby listens to such terrible things.He's heard worse.Jay, do you know a good 1-hour dry cleaner?And I don't mean the "Must be in by 10:00,only on weekdays, you need a coupon" Kind.I mean a hard 1-hour.This conversation feels like a hard one hour.And what do you need it cleaned for? It's spotless. There's mustard here from Reuben's reuben.There's mustard here from Reuben's reuben.That's what happens whenyou put a narcissist in charge of snack day.Okay, it's my turn again.Baby, it's your mother again.- I'm-- - Gloria?Why don't we give him a break?He probably needs a minutebecause he just learned about a deadly tornado. Okay, stop calling him a he.What if he's a she, and you're making her upset?I told you. That's just the shorthand I'm using.- Don't jump down my throat every time I'm - Ay, yes, - because you always - What are you doing?Do you really want your unborn babyto hear you fighting like this?Studies show it's unhealthyFor a fetus to be exposed to a stressful environment. Studies? You're 13. Read a comic book.What time does your game start?I have to be there at 3:00 for hitting practice.Batting practice.Not for me.Jay, I don't want our baby to thinkthat it's coming into an unhappy home.Let's promise that we're never ever going to fight in front of him. No fighting in front of the baby.Okay, good.*Twinkle, twinkle*Little lambGloria, stop it! Stop it. No more singing.Why?Because you stink.You're a terrible singer.Come on. Let's get some lunch.How dare do you say that I am...I know! Ay, no, no, no.No fighting in front of the baby. We just made a deal.Yeah, but that's not fairbecause I am always in front of the baby!Gloria, you're as close to perfect as woman gets.Nothing wrong with one tiny, little flaw.Yours is when you start to sing,is sounds like something got stuck in the vacuum cleaner. That's--you're just--No, no, no.That is just your stupid, stupid opinion, Jay.But I am very angry at you,and I am gonna make a listof all the things that I am going to scream at youas soon as this baby's out of me.I didn't think it all the way through.Oh, hello, Mitch.Uh, you got Claire flowers?Yes. I had a little bit of a rough night.Yeah, you and me both.Daddy slept in my room last night.- Here, give me some of those. - What? No.- You got me into this. - Hey, stop! You're breaking them!I need--I'm not going to Cam empty-handed!Phil, let go of the...Hold still!Claire and Cam did all this?A week ago, that was all junk.It's amazing.I mean, there's that little bump in the middle.But other than that...Even if one of those boys had hit five home runs,the biggest star on that field was Claire.That's the funny thing about marriage.You fall in love with this...extraordinary person,And over time, they begin to seem ordinary.I think it's all the nagging.Wow. This...This is incredible.You literally saw a diamond in the rough.Yeah, but I take on a lot of projects no one else is willing to.I deserve that.I was an idiot for doubting you.Please, honey, forgive me.How could I not,when you give me this bouquet of crumpled flowers?- Mitchell did that! - Mitchell again?Ask Lily!- Hey, Cam. - Hey.Here you--Okay. Well...Oh, wow. Broken and mangled...Just like my heart.Cam, I'm sorry for not supporting you.- What about the sweater? - That's unforgivable.I mean, you put all that time and work into it,and I just toss it out the car window.Tossed it out the car window?!I'm forgetting how much you knew.You know what, guys? Honestly, I...I think we should do it. I think we should go for the house. - Really? - Okay, but careful, honey.Don't say something if you don't mean it.No, I do mean it. I think you two will do a fantastic job. You know, I do, too. I'm on board.On board for what?Oh, well, the four of us, uh, might go in on a house. Claire and I fix it up and flip it.That's the worst idea I ever heard.You guys know nothing about construction.You'll make all sorts of mistakes,you'll turn on each other, you'll stop talking,and suddenly I'm doing two dinners a week instead of one because you can't be in the same room.Family and business doesn't mix.Ah, you're gonna do whatever you want. Why do I bother? Is he right?Y-you know dad. I mean, he's a pessimist.I want us to get that house.I do. But I don't want us to fight.We're not gonna fight.Of course not.Probably.I don't know. Will we?Maybe we just take a beat and think about it.Yeah. I-I guess that couldn't hurt.Yeah.You guys mean the world to us.I don't want to jeopardize that over a house.- We feel the same way. - I know.- I just wanna say I know we'd do a good job, though. - Hello? - And I feel so-- - It's Mrs. Brooks, the lady with the house. Actually, it's good that you called.What?What happened?Gil Thorpe just made her an offer.- We did it! - We bought a house.It's gonna be... great!What could go wrong? Nothing.Sometimes I don't understand people.They do crazy things for the dumbest reasons.I'm going to march out there and swing as hard as I can.And if every sports movie is correct,I'm going to smack that ball,and everyone will chant my name as I round the bases.By the way,it is always counterclockwise, or do I get to choose?I don't think it's gonna matter.They convince themselves it'll all work out...Please rise for the national anthem.I'm gonna show you who can sing.Gloria.Oh, this is gonna be rough.Despite all the evidence to the contrary.Oh say can you see?By the dawn's early light?Which I guess isn't so bad.And the rocket's red glare!All I'm saying is,I hope to god you don't have your mother's singing voice. But, man, I hope you get her self-confidence.Try to get some sleep.I'll talk to you in the morning.2 outs, bottom of the sixth. Tied at 4.This is it, folks.The whole game comes down to this.Manny Delgado 0 for 3 on the day.Gloria, your thoughts?I think he's going to hit the home run.Please, god, give me one.Manny, stand up straight!But bend your knees.Widen your stance!Would you please let me just--Take your base!- You did it! You got it, Manny! - I did it?No, no, no, no! Not that way! Go this way!Oh, why do I bother? He's gonna do what he wants. Manny! Manny! Manny!。

- Good morning, gentlemen. - ?Hi. -早上好呀先生们 -早Max, how'd you sleep? 麦克斯你睡得好吗Oh, I love crashing here! 我好喜欢在这儿过夜啊This is just like college -- 仿佛回到了大学时代staying up too late, passing out on the couch, 熬夜到很晚昏睡在沙发上mean Asian chick down the hall. 走廊上有毒舌的亚洲女Yeah. Where is Lily? 是啊莉莉人呢I don't know. S-School, maybe? 我不知道去上学了吧I'm right here. 我在这儿呢We met Max in Amsterdam on what we thought 我们以前在阿姆斯特丹认识了麦克斯was a tour of pottery cafes, so... 本来是一趟陶艺[大麻]咖啡厅之旅所以...I don't remember much about it, 很多事我都不记得了but I do remember thinking 但我清楚记得he was the funniest person I've ever met. 我当时觉得他是我遇过最好笑的人与各种大麻制品荷兰阿姆斯特丹有许多的大麻咖啡馆And we told him if he ever came into town, 我们跟他说要是来我们这儿that he had to stay with us. 必须住咱们家And I-I-I'm so glad he said yes 他答应了我真的好开心because I remember being really, uh, paranoid 因为我记得当时一直很神经紧张that he didn't like me. 觉得他不喜欢我You two, get out of here. 你们俩让开I'm gonna whip us up some breakfast. 我来煮早餐给大家吃Whoo! My head feels like the Hindenburg. 我的头像兴登堡号一样痛到炸裂Whoo! My head feels like the Hindenburg. 客运飞艇 1937年在准备着陆时起火烧毁Oh, come on! 少来了- I feel like he was funnier in Europe. - Yeah. -怎么感觉他在欧洲时比较好笑 -对Mitchell! Look! 米奇尔快看Our crazy-expensive bottle of wine? 我们巨贵的那瓶红酒吗I -- uh, we were saving this for the perfect occasion. 我们一直想留到最特别的日子才打开的Okay, well, he must've drank it after we went to bed. 他一定是等我们睡了再自己喝掉的Who does that? 谁会这么贱啊Just drinks somebody's 不问主人家most expensive bottle of wine without asking? 就擅自喝掉别人最贵的红酒- Okay, it's a hate crime. ?- How is it a hate crime? -这是仇恨犯罪 -这怎么会是仇恨犯罪Because I hate him. 因为我恨他I ca-- I can't believe it's almost gone. 真不敢相信都快被他喝光了Look, you know, I've only ever considered opening that twice --我至今只考虑过打开这瓶酒两次once early on election night 一次是大选之夜刚开始once early on election night 刚开始希拉里领先但特朗普后来居上并胜利and then when we thought "La La Land" won Best Picture.另一次是我们以为《爱乐之城》得到了最佳影片奖随后更正获奖的是《月光男孩》奥斯卡颁奖乌龙事件I know. It's been a rough year. 我知道这一年很不好过Breakfast! 吃早餐啦No, no. 不不要啊Is that our caviar? 那是我们的鱼子酱吗Yeah! Lucky I found it. 是啊幸好我找到了It was hiding in the back of the fridge. 被藏在冰箱深处呢For a special occasion. 因为要留到特别的日子才吃Something wrong? 有什么问题吗Yeah... yeah. 有有问题Uh, first you open up our $400 bottle of wine, 首先你擅自开了我们价值四百块的红酒now it's our $200 tin of caviar. 现在又开了一罐两百块的鱼子酱- We were saving those. - ?For what? -这都是我们特意留起来的 -留着干嘛A celebration, like -- 等到庆祝的时候才享用What about when "Moonlight" won the Oscar? 那《月光男孩》得了奥斯卡那次怎么没开What about when "Moonlight" won the Oscar? 主角是同性恋黑人Okay, it was a big moment for the community, yes -- 那次对我们群体来说确实是重要的时刻Okay, you know what? Look. I'm gonna go, okay? 这样吧我还是走吧But, guys, don't defer enjoyment, 但听我一句劝千万别延迟享受人生'cause you never know when you're gonna bite it. 因为人有旦夕祸福I say, make every night special. 要我说好好享受每一晚Okay, well, that's a -- that's a fun philosophy, 好吧你这套哲学挺有意思的but not everyone can follow that, okay? 但不是每个人能身体力行好吗'Cause -- 'Cause we have responsibilities. 因为我们有责任在身We have -- We have budgets. 我们有预算We have a daughter, you know. 我们有个女儿Where is our daughter? 我们女儿人呢- I don't know. Backyard, maybe? - ?Maybe. -我不知道在后院吧 -可能吧Earl Chambers, 厄尔·钱伯斯my former business partner-turned dumbass nemesis, 我昔日的生意搭档后来变成我的死对头bought the old horizontal wardrobe. 他买了横向衣柜For you closet non-pros, that means he died. 给你们衣柜业门外汉解释一下就是他挂了Then last week, I received this urn and this note. 然后在上周我收到了这个骨灰瓮和这封信"You know what to do with my ashes. "你知道该如何处置我的骨灰Follow the path." 沿着路一直走"What the hell does that mean? 这是什么鬼意思You think you can drive me nuts, but you can't. 你以为可以把我逼疯但你想都别想He can't actually hear you unless you open the lid. 他听不见你说话的除非你把盖子打开I still can't figure out 我还是没想明白the meaning of "Follow the path!" "沿着路一直走"是什么意思I'm gonna need you to call Shirl 我要你帮我打给雪儿and find out why her father's been torturing me. 搞清楚她爸到底为什么要折磨我- You call her! - That's not an option. -你自己打给她 -你没得选择She's a greasy slimebucket, just like her father, 她是个油腻的小滑头跟她爹一个样and for some reason, she doesn't like me. 而且不知为何她不喜欢我Hmm...I'll see what I can do. 我想想办法吧Hey, Manny! What's up? 曼尼怎么啦I'm not here! Everything's fine! 你没看到我一切都很好- Super-dupes. - Okay, I'll -- I'll -- I'll talk. -超级好 -好吧我招了Luke and I went to a sketchy neighborhood for tacos last night,昨晚我和卢克到不太平的区吃玉米卷and he disappeared, and I haven't seen him since. 然后他不见了之后我再也没看见过他What? Where did you see him last? 什么你最后一次看到他是在哪He went off with this girl. 他跟一个姑娘走了- With a girl? ?- Yeah. -跟一个姑娘吗 -是的Manny. 曼尼Let me tell you a little something about Dunphy men. 让我告诉你邓菲家男儿的一些事When we come into contact with a lady, 当我们遇到女性时we leave her with a burning sensation. 总会给她留下炙热灼烧感[性病]Let me try that again. 这么说有点歧义Um...when a Dunphy man sees a sexy skirt, 当邓菲男儿遇见性感小妞时he's just gotta get in it. 他就必须"深入"她心房- No! ?- I get the point. -不妥 -我懂你意思Look, I'm just glad you came to me... 我很庆幸你是来跟我说I didn't. You caught me here. 我才没有刚好被你逮到而已...'cause I don't want Claire freaking out about this. ? 因为我不想克莱尔知道后慌张失控Luke's phone is going straight to voicemail. 卢克的电话转到语音信箱了Someone's got a sock on the digital doorknob. 有人在数码门把手上挂了袜子哦Someone's got a sock on the digital doorknob. 暗示正在房间里亲密请勿打扰I really think you should be a little worried about this. 我真的觉得你该担心一下Worried?! 担心Let me tell you something about Dunphy men. 让我告诉你邓菲家男儿的一些事Phil, this was a pretty rough neighborhood. 菲尔那一区龙蛇混杂很不安全Tell you what, 这样吧if it makes you feel better, 如果能让你放心些we'll go down there and look around for him. 我们一起去那里找找他We're gonna need backup -- serious backup. 我们需要支援强而有力的支援Okay, be cool. 好了淡定I used to live in this neighborhood. 我以前就住在这一区If you act tough, nobody will mess with you. 只要表现得强悍就没人敢惹你Would you like to try 你们想尝尝a cruelty-free alkaline-water snow cone? 人道的碱水刨冰吗a cruelty-free alkaline-water snow cone? 没有应用动物实验的- What? - ?Free sample. -什么 -免费品尝You can get a larger one down at our stand. 去我们铺子有比较大份的We also refurbish tubas. 我们还提供翻修乐器大号的服务No, thank you. 不用谢谢What happened to my neighborhood? 我的街区怎么了Have the best day. 祝你们今天愉快White people with beards -- they ruined everything. 留络腮胡的白人毁了一切Why would you even say that this place was dangerous? 你为什么要说这里危险It was a lot scarier at dark. There was jazz. 晚上这里可怕多了还放着爵士乐呢Luke's still not answering. 卢克还是不接电话We're gonna find him, Phil. 我们会找到他的菲尔Oh, I-I'm not worried. I've been there. 我不担心我经历过Meet a girl, you lose track of place and time, 遇见一个女孩忘了地点和时间not just 'cause your compass watch is missing, 不仅是因为你的罗盘表不见了and suddenly her cousin Rodney has the exact same watch而且她表哥罗德尼突然也有了同一块表but swears it was always his. 他还发誓他有那表很久了Oh, look! Mario's Bodyshop. 瞧瞧马里奥的汽修店At least one thing is still the same. 至少有一样东西还没变There's nothing that happens in this street 这条街上发生的一切that Mario doesn't know about. 地头蛇马里奥全都了如指掌Let's go over there. 我们过去吧So, red lights are flashing, alarms are blaring. 红灯闪烁警报响个不停We're about 10 seconds from a meltdown so hot 还有大概十秒钟反应堆就要熔毁了温度高到it's gonna turn Belgium into a pool of hot chocolate. 会将比利时烧成一汪热巧克力And I suddenly realize, 我突然意识到they haven't properly accounted for the relativistic distort-- 他们没有正确地计算相对扭曲... Hey, what's this building's number? 这栋楼是几号楼I'm trying to Postmates a smoothie. 我想叫杯思慕雪外送I quickly do a few multi-dimensional 我迅速在脑海中进行了tensor calculations in my head, 一些多维张量计算I push this crying guard to one side 我将吓哭的警卫推到一边and adjust the synchrotron. 调整了同步加速器I look up at the countdown clock. 我抬头看着倒计时钟5... 五...4... 四...You, with the phone! 你拿着电话的- What's your name? - Alex Dunphy. -你叫什么 -艾丽克斯·邓菲Ms. Dunphy, is my story of saving the world 邓菲女士我拯救世界whilst accidently creating three new elements boring you?同时意外创造三种新元素的故事让你觉得无聊吗Uh, no. No, no, no, no, no. 没有没有完全没有I'm so sorry, Professor. 很抱歉教授Nothing you could say would ever bore me. 你说的话永远不会让我觉得无聊I revere you. 我尊敬你I actually went as you last year for Halloween. 实际上去年万圣节我扮成了你Okay, it's my phone. Don't blame my sister. 好吧这是我的手机别怪我妹妹Hey, Chelsea. Gonna have to call you back. 切尔西回头再给你回电话- Shut up! Shut up! - ?Shut up! -我不信你闭嘴 -闭嘴Excuse me, Chelsea's friend. 不好意思切尔西的朋友Y-You don't look like one of my students. 你看起来不像是我的学生Oh, thank you! That is so sweet. 谢谢你嘴真甜No. Why are you here? 不是你为什么来这里Oh, I have a really big job interview today, 我今天有个重要的工作面试and I need someone to look over what I wrote for my -- 我需要有人检查下我写的... Yeah, we're going. I'm taking her out. I am so sorry. 我们走了我带她出去很抱歉What? He asked. You're being rude. 干嘛是他问的你太没礼貌了- Very revealing. ?- Get out. -太暴露了 -出去Claire, I'm so glad you called. 克莱尔很高兴你给我打了电话How come we've never done this before? 我们之前怎么从来没聚过Because we were born into a feud. 因为我们两家是世仇Hatfields and McCoys, the Sharks and Jets, 血仇世家哈特菲尔德和麦科伊鲨鱼队和喷气机队the -- the closet lunatic and the closet idiot. 衣柜疯子和衣柜笨蛋- By the way, I'm really sorry about your dad. - ?Thanks. -顺便说一句很遗憾你爸爸去世了 -谢谢Do you have any idea why he had his ashes sent to my dad?你知道他为什么让人把骨灰寄给我爸爸吗- Probably to drive him bonkers. - Well, it's working. -也许是为了把他逼疯吧 -效果拔群That would've made him happy. 他知道了会很高兴的Let's make a pact -- to never be like them. 咱们约定吧永远不要像他们一样I am in. 我同意We are two women in a male-dominated industry. 我们是男性统治行业中的两个女人We should help each other. 我们该帮助彼此Actually, do you have any sources 实际上你知道有谁会做for antique pineapple knobs? 古董菠萝把手吗We're doing this whole colonial line -- 我们在做殖民地系列Ooh, I bet you Lazlo would know. 拉兹罗肯定知道He's our lead designer. 他是我们的首席设计师Everybody knows who Lazlo is. He's a legend. 大家都知道拉兹罗是谁他是个传奇Yeah, and my only employee worth a damn. 也是我唯一一个有价值的员工Robot workers. Now, that's the future. 机器人工人那才是未来Right! They work 24/7, 对啊它们从不休息and you don't have to buy them a birthday cake. 而且你不用给它们买生日蛋糕Yeah, and as they become more human, 机器人变得更像人类时you can be like, "Hey, you, come into my office", 你就可以说你来我办公室- and then you just go to town on them. ?- Yeah. -然后"吃干抹净"了它们 -是啊What the hell? 什么鬼What happened to the bodyshop? 汽修店怎么了Oh, we just kept the sign. 我们只是保留了招牌Oh, uh, so -- so no M-Mario? 马里奥不在了吗Mnh-mnh. We're an artist collective. 是啊我们是艺术家联盟Jillian works in yarn, 吉莉安玩毛线艺术Mumford sculpts with Lego, Duncan is a painter. 芒福德用乐高做雕像邓肯是画家May I write you a poem? 我能给你们写首诗吗Are you kidding me? 你在逗我吗I told you it was a career. 我就跟你说有这职业Um, any chance that you have, uh, seen my son? 你有没有见过我儿子No, I'm sorry. 没有抱歉Oh, okay. He -- He was around here last night. 好吧他昨晚来了这附近He apparently went off with a girl from this neighborhood. 他貌似跟这附近的一个姑娘走了We just haven't been able to reach him since. 从那以后我们再也没能联系上他Do you know the girl's name? 你知道那姑娘的名字吗No. Uh, something Latin-y. 不知道像是个拉丁名字What happened to you? You used to be Latin-y. 你怎么了你以前还是拉丁男孩呢Can you describe her? 能描述一下她的外貌吗Brown hair, high cheekbones -- 棕色头发高颧骨What is he gonna do, build her out of Legos? 跟他说有屁用他用乐高把她做出来吗Huh, that is surprisingly effective. 万万没想到会有如此神效Wait a minute. I know that girl. 等等我认识那姑娘I think she works at a cupcake shop. 她好像在一家小蛋糕店工作Great. Where is it? 真棒在哪里Well, I'm not sure which one because we have four. 我不确定是哪家因为这里有四家There's Cupcakes! With an exclamation point, 一家叫"小蛋糕!" 加了个感叹号there's vegan cupcakes at Cupfakes, 卖素食小蛋糕的"小淡糕"there's Pupcakes, which sells cupcakes for dogs, "狗蛋糕"是买给狗狗的宠物小蛋糕店and then there's Rick's VCR Repair. 还有"瑞克的录像机修理店"Oh, they make the best cupcakes. 那家的小蛋糕最好吃Stupid Max, forcing us to eat our caviar 白痴麦克斯害我们得在on a regular Friday morning. 在如此普通的周五早上吃鱼子酱I can't even enjoy the symphony of flavors, 我根本无法享受鱼子酱的美味or the -- or the way that it melts in my mouth. 或它在我口中融化的感觉Why don't you just wash it down with whatever wine's left.那你干嘛不随便喝口剩下的酒咽下去得了Yeah, why don't I. 对呀干嘛不呢- Cheers. - ?Cheers. -干杯 -干杯Mmm, and, of course, you know what? 果然不出所料你知道吗It pairs perfectly. 这俩绝配I-I cannot believe I'm having one of the best meals of my life我不敢相信我吃着一生最棒的一顿饭and we're not even celebrating anything. 却没有庆祝任何事情Yeah, thanks, Max! 谢谢了麦克斯- Thank you, Max. - ?Thank you, Max. -谢谢了麦克斯 -谢你全家啊麦克斯Cam, is it -- is it -- is it possible 小卡有没有可能that we're actually enjoying ourselves 我们其实真的很享受and -- and that Max was right? 麦克斯是对的Maybe we do defer enjoyment. 或许我们真的总在延迟享受All those unspent frequent flyer miles, 那些没用完的飞行里程the boots that I have waited so long to wear 那我等了好久才穿的靴子that they're no longer in style, 穿时已经过时了the -- the -- the surfboards 还有那些冲浪板that we've never used because 咱们从来没用过it just "had to be the perfect beach day". 因为要等到最完美的冲浪日子What are you doing? 你要干嘛- Mitchell... - I'm lighting it. -米奇尔 -我要点了它-No! - ?I'm lighting it! -不 -我要点了它No, that is our monogrammed wedding candle, 不这是印有名字的婚礼蜡烛and we're supposed to save it. 我们要把它留到特殊场合For what, Cam? 什么场合呢小卡- I don't know! ?- You don't know. -我不知道 -你不知道- I don't. - ?You don't know. -我不知道 -你不知道Ohh...look at it. 看Smells like eternal love. 好像闻到了永恒的爱Aww...oh. ?O-kay. 好吧Why are you always in my office? 为什么你老在我办公室I do my best work in here. ? 我在这儿效率最高I've been trying to get into his head. 我在试着进入他的思路I even brought his favorite lunch -- 我甚至还买了他最喜欢的午饭shrimp cocktail and bourbon. 鸡尾酒虾波本酒Or that's just what you have for lunch every day. 那不过是你每天午餐吃的东西啊That's another thing Earl stole from me! ? 这也是厄尔从我那里偷学走的- What did you find out? - First of all, -你发现什么了 -首先Shirl doesn't know anything about the ashes. 雪儿不知道有关骨灰的任何事And second, we're not gonna be a part of your little feud anymore. 其次我们不会像你俩一样不和- We're gonna be friends. - She's playing you! -我们会成为朋友 -她耍你呢- No... -?Let me ask you a question. -不会 -我问你Did you tell her we're bidding on Belmont Gardens? 你告诉她我们投标贝尔蒙特花园了吗No. Why? 没怎么了Because 15 minutes ago, I got a phone call 因为15分钟前我接到个电话saying just out of the blue, 说突然之间Closets Closets Closets Closets is bidding against us. "衣柜衣柜衣柜衣柜"公司和我们竞标Did she see your proposal? 她看了你的提案了吗Yes, Dad! I'm quite sure she 看了爸我肯定rifled through my bag when I was in the bathroom. 她在我去卫生间的时候翻了我的包You went to the bathroom? 你去卫生间了吗- Why don't you just give her the company?! - Oh, God. -你咋不直接把公司送她呢 -天啊- Bingo! Ketchup! - What does that prove? -你瞧番茄酱 -这说明什么Did she have ketchup for lunch? 她午餐是不是吃了番茄酱She had... french fries. 她的确吃了薯条There's your smoking gun. 证据确凿Margaret? I'm gonna need 玛格丽特我需要fries and ketchup to get in Shirl's head. 薯条和番茄酱来进入雪儿的思路No! No, Shirl wouldn't have done this. 不不雪儿不会这么做的Um, bad news. 坏消息Uh, we finally tracked down those pineapple knobs, 我们好不容易找到的那些菠萝把手but they were all just bought up by Closets... 但刚被买下是衣柜- No. - Closets... -不 -衣柜No, Margaret! 不玛格丽特...Closets Closets. 衣柜衣柜公司Shirl screwed me. 雪儿玩了我You know what you have to do? 你知道你要怎么做吗You've got to hit her where it hurts. 你得戳她的痛处What does she value most? 她最珍视什么Lazlo. 拉兹罗I don't think you understand 我觉得你没明白how humiliating that was for me. 这对我来说有多丢人There are parts of me that will never uncringe. 这尴尬可能会跟随我一生Oh, my God! 天啊So I interrupted some boring story. 我打断了无聊的故事而已Dr. Arvin Fennerman 阿尔文·费诺曼博士is a two-time Vanderkoff Grant winner -- 是一个大奖的两次获得者one for philosophy and one for geometry. 一次是哲学一次是几何学You can't put him into a box 你不能就这么...- because... - Could you please just read my sample? -因为 -你能不能看下我的文章This job is important to me. 这个工作对我来说很重要This is my one shot at a real career. 这是我有一份真正工作的唯一机会Fine, I'll read it. And "real career"? 好我读但"真正工作"吗I've seen this NERP business. 我看过这个诺普公司了Nicole Rosemary Page seems bonkers. 妮可·罗丝玛丽·佩奇看起来就有病Didn't she get in trouble for cannibalism? 她不是因为食人事件出事了吗No. Turns out there are no laws against 没有事实证明没有法律禁止eating your own appendix, 吃自己的阑尾and it does help with fine lines. 而且吃了真的有养颜美容作用But she's a success story. 但她是个成功的典范Child star, bond girl, 童星邦德女郎indie darling before she lost all her money to a Fonzie scheme.在钱全被方氏骗局卷走前还是独立片甜心- Don't you mean Ponzi scheme? - ?Sadly, no. -你说的是庞氏骗局吧 -很遗憾还真不是呢So, out of desperation, she invented NERP, 然后出于绝望她成立了诺普and next thing you know -- boom! Empire. 接下来突然之间就成为商业帝国I just want to be a part of something great. 我只想成为伟大事业的一部分Well, if I'm being honest, 说实话your writing sample's actually pretty good. 你写得还不错Really?! Thank you. 真的吗谢谢Oh, my God. It's Dr. Fennerman. 天啊费诺曼博士Don't think, don't breathe, keep your head down. ?O-kay. 别思考别呼吸头低下Hello. 你们好Sorry! Hello, Doctor. 不好意思你好博士Would you like down sit? 要下坐吗- What? - Kind, that's very you of, Alex. -什么鬼 -太好了你人艾丽克斯Um...tell me again, why were you in my class? 再和我说下你为什么在我的班上I have a very big interview 我有个很重要的面试with Nicole Rosemary Page, and she was just -- 是和妮可·罗丝玛丽·佩奇她刚刚... Ugh! You know she's a snake oil salesman, right? 你知道她是个江湖骗子吧Yes, I know. 我知道People complain about the diarrhea all the time, 人们抱怨一直腹泻but that is the point. 但减肥就是靠这个啊Her science is utter nonsense. 她的科学就是一派胡言I mean, space stickers that give you energy, 什么能给你能量的宇宙贴纸and crystals that absorb Wi-Fi, 能吸收无线网信号的水晶and seriously -- $1,200 socks? 1200块一双的袜子有没有搞错Those sheep eat nothing but sushi. 做袜子的羊毛出自只吃寿司的羊- Are we done here? - Surprisingly, not. -我们说完没有 -神奇的是没有This might sound crazy, but... 这或许听起来很疯狂但I'm going to marry you. 我要和你结婚What?! 什么I'm sorry, first time talking to a real girl? 抱歉你第一次和活生生的女生说话吗No, l-l-listen. I-I-I don't get it. 不听我说我也搞不懂Frankly, it boggles the mind, 其实我也吓到了but I've been running 但自从刚才遇见你dozens of probability scenarios in my head since we met,我在脑袋里运算了数十种可能的情形and-and they all end with us... 最终结果都是我们...together. 在一起了I have heard some lame pickup lines in my day, but -- 我这辈子也听过不少很瞎的搭讪词但...I have plenty of those. 那种词我也有不少存货Are you a neuro-electrical current 你是神经电流吗because you've been running through my mind all day? 因为你整天都在我脑袋里跑来跑去But th-th-that's not what this is. 但这次不一样This is going to happen, Haley Dunphy. 咱俩肯定会在一起海莉·邓菲- Ew, how do you know my name? - I know everything. -你怎么知道我的名字 -我什么都知道Also, your pass has your name written on it. 而且你的通行证上面有名字I think I'm gonna pass out. 我觉得我要晕过去了Right, I've just air-dropped my contact info to your phone.我把我的联系方式空投到你电话上了You just tap to accept it. 要不你就按一下接受Uh, yeah, not gonna...tap that. 我是不会"要"的I think you will. 我认为你会的Haley, there are forces in the universe 海莉宇宙中有许多力that we don't understand... 是我们无法理解的measurable forces that...can't be explained, 可测却无法解释的力but cannot be denied... 但没人能否认它的存在and that's-that's what this is. 咱俩之间就是这样I don't get it, but...I know that it's real. 我也无法理解但我知道它是真实存在的That was so dumb! 这也太智障了吧What? No, it wasn't. You're-you're dumb. 什么哪里智障你才智障That's gonna stick. I'm-I'm in your head. 会烙印进你脑海的我已在你脑海之中- Okay. ?- You'll see. -好吧 -等着瞧Sure, buddy. Now try and walk away cool. 行行行兄弟走人时尽量走得帅一点- Oh, I will. - ?Okay. -我会的 -那好We were standing right here making out. 我们本来在这里亲热All of a sudden, he said, "I'll be right back", 突然间他说"我去去就回"and that was the last I saw of him. 之后我就没见过他了You guys, my break is over, 各位我的休息时间结束了but I hope you find him. 我希望你们能找到他Thank you for your help, 谢谢你的帮助and the cupcakes are delicious, by the way. 顺带一提小蛋糕很好吃- Those are for dogs. - Oh, no. -那是给狗狗吃的 -不是吧- Ay, Phil, are you okay? - Yeah, yeah. -菲尔你没事吧 -没事没事I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation 我很肯定卢克是有什么充分的理由why Luke would abandon a make-out sesh. 才会放弃和女孩亲热No, there isn't. 不根本没有A Dunphy man would never do that. 邓菲家的男人永远不会那样做We walk away from fights, we walk away from spiders, 我们会临阵脱逃被蜘蛛吓跑but never a super-cute girl who smells like frosting! 但永远不会离开身上有糖霜味的可爱女孩You have to stay positive. 你得保持乐观Nothing bad ever happens this close to a Pottery Barn. 高级家具店的附近从来不会出什么事I've been putting on a brave face 我一直在假装勇敢to squash the darkness inside of me, 来压制内心的黑暗but what if the worst has happened? 但万一发生了最坏的状况呢How will I tell Claire? I won't. 我该怎么和克莱尔说我不说I'll have to smother her with a pillow to spare her the pain, 我得用枕头捂死她免得她伤心but then Jay will have lost a daughter. 但那样杰就会失去女儿I'll have to smother him, too. 我得把他也捂死That's two pillows from the same set. It's a pattern. 那两只枕头是成套的成了我的惯用手法- The police are after me! - ?Get ahold of yourself! -我被警察盯上了 -给老娘打起精神来What the hell? 你手也太重了It wasn't me. Look, I'm still cocked! 不是我你瞧我手还没落下去呢It was a shoe. 是只鞋Wait, that's... 等等这是that's Luke's. 是卢克的鞋Luke! You're okay! 卢克你没事I got stuck on the roof. 我被困在屋顶上了I'm so relieved! 这下我放心了I don't have to kill your mother! 我不用捂死你妈了Turns out, Luke had to go to the bathroom. 原来卢克当时要上厕所Someone told him it was upstairs, 有人告诉他厕所在楼上so he walked all the way up to the roof 他就一路上到了屋顶and locked himself out. 不小心把自己反锁在屋顶了His phone was dead, and he-he lost his voice 他电话没电了街上音乐声太大trying to scream over the street musicians. 他大声喊得嗓子也哑了I was so relieved, I ran up there and gave him a big kiss. 我松了口气跑上去狠狠亲了他一口Gloria! 歌洛莉亚Hi. We're stuck. 我们被困住了Could you pop on up and open the door? 你上来帮我们开个门行吗Dunphy men. 邓菲家男儿啊Hello, Lazlo. 你好拉兹萝- It's pronounced "Lazlo". ?- That's what I said. -发音是"拉兹罗" -我就是这么念的啊Thank you so much for meeting with us. 谢谢你来见我们Have you had a chance to consider our offer 你有没有考虑我们的提议to join Pritchett's Closets? 加入普利切特衣柜I'm intrigued, but I have a list of demands. 我有兴趣但我有张条件单Ah, yes, of course. 好的当然We have, uh... 条件有...uh, "Two turquoise bowls of white Chiclets, "两个装满白色口香糖的绿松石碗an empty office with a drain in the floor..." 有地漏的空办公室"- What's a "Scream room"? - I think that's self-explanatory. -"尖叫室"是什么 -这还用解释吗Pritchett! 普里契特Girl Earl! 厄尔闺女You're actually trying to poach Lazlo from me? 你居然想从我这挖走拉兹罗I thought we were friends. 我还以为我们是朋友We were, and then you bought all my pineapple knobs. 本来是可你买走了所有菠萝门把手- As a gift! ?- What? -买来送你的 -什么- I had them sent to you. - You did? -我发到你那去了 -是吗Don't listen to her. 别被她蛊惑This is all part of some sick plan. 这都是她变态计划的一部分Stealing Claire's proposals, 偷看克莱尔的提案Earl's urn to get in my head. 送来厄尔的骨灰让我闹心But your little games are not gonna work. 但你的小伎俩是不会成功的Yeah. Yeah, how do you explain 是的你要怎么解释the red ketchup stains on my proposal, French Fries? 我提案上面的番茄酱薯条妹。

How you doing? 你好啊Phil Dunphy. 我是菲尔·邓菲What do I have to do to get you to ask 我要如何才能让你张口问说"What do I have to do to get you into this car today?" "我要如何才能让你看上这辆车" Well, why don't we start it with a test drive? 要不我们先来个试驾你看怎么样I'll get the keys. 我去拿钥匙Sounds good. 听起来不错Right where I want him. 正合我意啊Come here. Come look at this. 快过来瞅瞅这个This thing warns you 一旦你偏离了行车道if you deviate from your lane. 这玩意儿就会提醒你In my car, that's my wife. 我车就不用有我老婆在就行"Andre, if you try to kill me, "安德烈你要是开车不管我死活I swear I will kill you!" 我就替天行道先收了你"Well, I guess this is what I'll be driving 我想接下来的39个月陪伴我的for the next 39 months. 就会是这辆车了This is my D.N.A. talking, 休怪我观察力太明锐But you do not seem sufficiently excited 这可是一辆全新的凯迪拉克啊about the prospect of driving a new Cadillac. 也瞅着能开上也没见你有多兴奋啊No, it's great. I've just leased the same thing forever. 没我兴奋得很只是比较念旧而已Part of me wants to shake things up. 但内心深处其实想弄点刺激的I don't know. 我也说不清Get something like... 比如换一个...Like that. 那样的Colonel Klink, that is nice. 克里克上校风范赞啊We took Lily on her first train ride. 我们第一次带着莉莉坐城铁Just a quick trip to chinatown. 去唐人街的短途路程I was worried she would think 原本还担心她会误以为We were taking her back to Vietnam, 我们要把她送回越南But she seemed okay. 不过她表现还好Yeah, yeah. 可不是嘛Possibly because she was an infant when she left vietnam.可能因为她离开越南时还只是个婴儿吧Also, Vietnam is not China. 其次越南和中国是两码事Well, I had a lollipop with me just in case. 不过我带上根棒棒糖以防万一I love that we're doing this. 我真开心我们能这么做It's important for her to explore the city she lives in. 慢慢涉足她生活的城市对她很重要So much diversity. 真是鱼龙混杂啊Keep your wallet in your front pocket. 快把钱包放你前面的口袋里My shoe's untied. 我的鞋带散了Oh, sweetie, it is. Here, have a seat. 小乖乖是哦来先坐下Right here. There you go. Hey, hold bunny. 就这里好样的小兔兔拿好- No! No, no, no, no, no, no! - Bunny! -不不不不 -小兔兔How did you miss that, Mitchell? 你怎么就没接住呢米奇尔Mr. Conductor! I-I... 列车长我...What? 那什么I was purell-ing! 我在给手消毒呢And it's me! Why would you toss it? 我不就这样嘛你干嘛突然扔过来Because my hands were full? 我手忙不过来了这理由充分吗I want bunny! 还我小兔兔I know. W--okay, I have an idea. 知道好的我有个主意Let's catch the next train and ride it till it catches up. 我们赶下一班城铁然后去追前面那班They don't catch up. That's called a collision. 城铁是追不上的追上了那叫相撞Okay, well, do you have a better idea? 那行你说你想一个更好的办法呢- You're the one that lost it. - No, you tossed it. -就是你弄丢的 -不是你扔丢的He who tossed it lost it. 扔的人才是弄丢的人Don't try to clever your way out of this. 别为了推卸责任跟我耍嘴皮子Daddy lost bunny. 爸爸弄丢了兔兔She means you. 她说的是你Oh, I wanted a car like this since I was a kid. 自打小时候我就梦想着能有这么一辆车Me, too. 我也是I used to imagine the wind blowing through my perm, 我曾想象着那风掠过我的发梢blasting some hall & oates, 再配上霍尔与奥兹的歌maybe horsing around with my mr. Microphone... 和我的麦克疯先生一起逍遥自在Yeah, we wouldn't have been friends back then. 得了那会儿咱俩还没那么熟You should buy it. 心动不如行动啊No, it's not practical. 不这太不切实际了Practical? You never see a person on their deathbed 实际你见过人临死之前躺床上saying, "I wish I'd have been more practical." 说 "我要是在活得在实际点就好了"I see a lot of people on their deathbed, Phil. 临死之人的肺腑之言我见得多了菲尔A lot. 多了去了I thought you operated on knees and elbows. 你不就是给膝盖胳膊肘什么的动动手术嘛Phil, this is a nice car. 菲尔这车真的不错And it's half the price of a new car. 价格也只有新车的一半而已If you don't buy it, I will. 你要是不买我就上了What would Claire say? 克莱尔知道可怎么办You know what? Maybe we should find you 那好吧我们去找那种特殊构造的车Something with a little more lumbar support. 那种可以让你挺直腰杆的车Yeah. You know, with you not having a spine and all. 知道吗你要是自己连个主心骨都没有- I have a spine. - Do you have a spine? -我有主心骨 -你确定你有主心骨吗- I have a spine. - So wanna take it for a spin? -我有主心骨 -要去兜风测测性能吗You know what? I'd rather take her for a spin. 这样吧我更想测测她的"性能"Let's get her top down 赶紧把她放平整利索了and see what she can do. 看看她"性能"如何I'm--no, I meant the convertible. 我... 我说的是那敞篷车Well, I just talked to the concierge, 我刚跟那大堂经理聊了下and room service will save me a bread pudding. 客房服务能帮我留一块面包布丁Load off my mind. 那我总算放心了You mock me, but "Travel and leisure" 尽管嘲笑我不过《旅游与休闲》杂志Says it's not to be missed. 可说了那是不能错过的美食This weekend, we're going up to pebble beach. 这周末我们一家要去卵石滩[加州] I'm gonna meet a bunch of guys 去会一会那群高中I played high school football with. 一起打橄榄球的老朋友们Man, those were the good old days. 天啊那段岁月可真是难忘Yeah, unless you were a woman, 是啊你要是女人或者black, hispanic, or gay. 黑人西裔同性恋那日子就糟糕了True, but if you were a straight white guy 没错不过你要是一个白种的直男who played football, 还打橄榄球you really couldn't have a bad day. 原来生活可以更美的Gloria? 歌洛莉亚Which watch should I pack? 我该戴哪块表This one's showier. This one's more expensive. 这快霸气外漏这款价值连城Why do you care so much about a watch? 就一块表而已你干吗这么在乎How do I say this without sounding like an ass? 我要怎么跟你说才不会显得太臭屁呢I'm kind of a legend to these guys. 那帮人可当我是个传奇人物Not like that. 这么说不行Who's your daddy? 快看谁最屌Whoa! Whose car is this? 哇哦这车是谁的啊- Mine! - I talked him into it. -我的 -我说服他买的Seriously? Mom's gonna let you have this? 真的吗买这车老妈没意见吗Luke, luke, luke... 卢克卢克卢克...Where is she? 你妈人呢Dad, I don't like this. 老爸这车我很不喜欢Why not? 为什么My friend molly's dad bought a sports car, 我朋友茉莉她爸就买了辆跑车and now he lives in a studio apartment 现在他住在一个单间公寓里and dates a girl who works at Forever 21, 跟一个在"永驻21岁"上班的姑娘约会and dates a girl who works at Forever 21, Forever 21:美国服装品牌which she won't be for two years. 这姑娘可两年后才到21岁Hear that? 听到没Honey, I'm not leaving your mom. 宝贝们我不会抛下你们母亲的Might not be your call. 或许还真由不得你Oh, my god, it's so pretty! 我的天啊这车太炫了I love it! And I love you, 我爱死它了也爱死你了and I promise I'll take super good care of it! 我答应你一定格外小心地驾驶它Can I tell her? 能让我来说吗Please. I ask for so little. 求你了我要求的事并不多Alex, be nice to your sister. 艾丽克斯姐妹俩要和睦It's dad's car, not yours. 这是老爸的车不是你的What? But you're too old for this! 说什么老土的你和这新潮的车不搭啊It's just like last year 就跟去年一个样when you wouldn't take off those skinny jeans. 你死也不愿意脱下那些紧身牛仔裤Wouldn't or couldn't? 不愿脱还是没法脱Hey. I looked hot. 我穿的可劲爆呢And you look hot in this car. 你配上这车也一样劲爆Let me tell you something about your dad. 让我来告诉你们一些你们老爸的事儿Your dad is a man who knows what he wants, 你们的爸爸是个目标明确的人and he gets it. 而且说到做到At least that's what I heard. You know, I was there 反正我是这么听说的你们懂的more as a friend and an observer than anything. 当局者迷旁观者清嘛- Andre. - Hey, Claire. -安德烈 -你好克莱尔Honey. Is this the new car? 亲爱的这是你买的新车吗I know it looks impractical, 我知道看起来不实用but Andre's seen a lot of people die. 不过安德烈跟我说了好些临死之人的事I'm not upset. 我没有不高兴I'm not upset. It's a beautiful car. 没生气这车挺漂亮Just surprised you didn't get the sedan, that's all. 就是没想到你没买辆大车仅此而已Beautiful. 不错Good seeing, you, Cl-- 见到你很高兴克莱...Mm. It's beautiful. 真的很漂亮What just happened? 刚刚是怎么回事She did not blink once. 她眼都没眨一下Do you wanna come in for a minute? 进去坐一会儿吧No, I gotta... You know, I gotta get to the wife. 不了我得你知道找我老婆去Well, do you... 你要不要- Uh, do you need a ride or anything? - No. No, no, -要不要我送你一程 -不用不用I'm gonna, uh, I'm-a jog. 我打算跑回去- Why--why are you running? - I'm just gonna jog! -你干嘛跑啊 -我跑步回去就行了Lily was up all night because she didn't have bunny, 莉莉没了兔兔一晚上没合眼which means that we were up all night 我们也跟着不能睡because she didn't have bunny. 因为她的兔兔没了God, she must have cried for... 天哪她肯定哭了有How long was it, Cam? 多久来着小卡Cam. Cam. 小卡小卡Oh, sorry. 不好意思Uh, last night was rough because Lily... 昨晚上太混乱了因为莉莉的- Covered it. - didn't have bunny. -说过了 -兔兔不见了Jay, tell me, why are we on the runway? 杰说啊我们到跑道上来干嘛Surprise! We're taking a private plane. 大惊喜我们要乘私人飞机去Wow! I've never been on a private plane! 我还从没坐过私人飞机呢And you never will. 以后也别想坐I am not getting on that little thing! 我不会上那个小玩意儿的What if the rubber band snaps and we fall out of the sky? 要是皮筋断了我们掉下来怎么办It's perfectly safe. It's a legitimate airline! 安全系数很高的人家是正规航线Hey, folks. 你们好Whoa. Nobody said three. 怎么有三个人All right. Before we take off, 好吧起飞前I'm gonna need to get everyone's weight here. 我得登记一下各位的体重- No problem. I'm about 190. - Okay. -没问题我有95公斤 -好的Oh, yeah. In that case, I'm 275. 要问我的话我137公斤Gloria, I would never put you and Manny in danger. 歌洛莉亚我不会让你和曼尼有危险的Now come on! Trust me on this! 走吧相信我这一回Beautiful. 太棒了It's American music the whole way, 这一路都得听美国音乐and I don't wanna hear a word. 谁也别说话- How you doing there, sport? - Great. Yeah. -怎么样了跑车男 -棒极了Awesome. You know what's awesome? 帅呆了你知道帅在哪儿吗Is this car has the engine in the trunk, 这辆车的发动机在后备箱里so that means I get to... 这就意味着我得...Put these signs in the seat, which is cool. 把这些展板放在座位上真酷Very cool. 是相当酷What? 怎么了Oh, nothing. My, uh, client just wants me 没什么客户想让我to pick her up on the way to the open house, 载她一起过去看房which is great. I'll, uh, drop the sign off 没问题我只要把展板拿下来and just swing across town to... 然后穿过镇子Oh. She's bringing her mom and a designer. 她还要带上她妈妈和设计师Well, maybe they'll fit in the trunk. 说不定后备箱坐得下Here it comes! 我就知道你要说What? I was making a joke. 哪里我开玩笑的What's your game, woman? 小女子你耍的什么把戏I have no game. You're an adult. You can make your own choices. 没什么你是成年人能自己做主Since when? 我什么时候有这待遇了Do you wanna borrow the minivan? 你想借用这面包车吗Yes, please. 对求求你了Okay, fine. Then you're gonna have to pick up the kids from school. 行那你去接孩子放学Okay, I can't take it. 好吧我投降If you got something to say, just say it. 你想说什么尽管往我这儿招呼吧I have nothing to say. 我无话可说- That just says it all. - Well...Ok. -不言自明了 -随你怎么想吧All--all right. Thank you, Serena. 行好谢了塞丽娜See you tonight. 晚上见Good news--they rescheduled my massage for the morning. 好消息他们帮我把按摩时间调早上了Bad news--it's a dude. 坏消息是按摩师换成男的了Don't blame me. It's your mom's fault. 别怪我要怪怪你妈Do you know how many people have died in these planes?你知道有多少人因为乘这种飞机丧命了吗Do you know how many people have died in these planes? 三位都是美国著名歌手均因小型飞机失事丧生John Denver, 约翰·丹沃Patsy Cline, 佩茜·克琳Ritchie Valens. 里奇·瓦伦斯I've heard you sing. I think you're safe. 就你那破锣嗓我保你没事All right, look, 行了听着The welcome dinner starts in four hours. 欢迎晚宴四小时后开始It's a 5-hour drive. 我们开到那儿要五个小时No bathroom breaks. 路上没时间上厕所了Yeah, I think you're gonna want to hold on to that cup. 所以我劝你还是少喝点儿Damn it! 糟糕- What was that? - Giant pothole. -怎么回事 -一个大坑The dash is lighting up like a christmas tree. 撞得火花四溅了都Tire's blown! 轮胎破了This never would have happened if we were in the air! 要是在天上就不会有这种事了If this had happened in the air, we wouldn't be in the air. 要是天上发生这种事我们就没活路了We would be in rock 'n' roll heaven! 我们就上天堂唱摇滚了Okay, what do you think? 你觉得怎么样I'm gonna put these in the subway. 我打算把这些贴到地铁里去Okay, it looks like, uh, Lily's missing 这张看起来好像是莉莉丢了and we're offering $25 to get her back. 然后我们悬赏二十五美元把她找回来Oh, don't be ridiculous. No one in their right mind-- 荒唐正常的人怎么会... Okay. That's all I see now. 好吧现在我也这么觉得了- How about this one? - Okay. Um... -这张呢 -我看看"Missing--stuffed bunny. Brown and white fur. 毛绒兔子失踪毛色灰白相间Sympathetic eyes." What are sympathetic eyes? 富有同情心的眼神解释一下这句Not those. 反正不是你那样I just--I don't really love the idea 我只是没法接受of our phone number being up in the subway. 把我们的电话号码贴得地铁里到处都是Okay, let's play a different game. 行那我们换个方式How about I be the problem, and you be the solution? 我来提问你来解决如何I'm sorry. I shouldn't be so critical. 对不起我不应该吹毛求疵的I know you're just trying to--got it! 我知道你不过是想有了Just came up with a better idea. 突然想到一个好主意Took me less than five seconds. 花了我五秒钟不到Okay... 我看看I can't hear you. What? 我听不见什么Window. 窗玻璃摇下来I don't know... 我不会弄Gah! What did I do? 我按了什么Oh. Oh, my. 天哪- Yes. Hi. - Hey, nice car. -你好 -你好车不错Thank you. 谢谢You gonna drive up the coast, or... 你是去海边吗还是Oh, no. I'm gonna do some errands, actually. 不是就是去办点事Yeah, 'cause other people might go and buy a crazy car 有些人可能会去买辆离谱的车with an engine in the-- in the trunk, but not me. 发动机还在后备箱里我可不会No. I'm responsible. Mm-hmm. 不我是个负责任的人We have three kids. You can't pick up three kids in this car. 我们有三个孩子这车怎么坐得下You can't. 根本坐不下You--it... It... 你这个I'll get you... Catch ya. 我会追上你的来了I'm going! 走了Maybe I was a teeny bit mad. 也许我确实有那么一点点搓火So I blew off my errands and headed up the coast. 于是我抛开琐事驶向大海It was my turn to be irresponsible. 是时候让我潇洒走一回了And luckily, I had sunscreen in my purse. 幸好我包包里还有墨镜Well, your strut's shot, 你的车架坏了And we can't get parts for at least a day. 更换的零件要过一天才能到Fantastic. 这下好了I don't suppose 依我看there's any place you can rent cars anywhere around here? 你们这儿也没租车的地方吧Know what, sir? We're not some one-horse town. 先生这小镇没你想象的那么落后Of course you can rent a car. 当然能租到车It just happens to be out for the day. 只是不巧都租完了Unbelievable. 难以置信- We're gonna miss the whole weekend. - I am sorry, Jay. -整个周末都泡汤了 -很抱歉杰I know how much you mean to those guys, 我知道他们把你看得有多重and I know how much they want to see you. 也知道他们有多想见你I'm so sorry. 真是不好意思Uh, excuse me. 容我说一句You are... 你真的是so pretty. 太漂亮了And if you really need to get somewhere, 如果你们真的必须要去哪儿maybe I can help you out. 或许我能帮上忙Ay, yes, please! Thank you! Anything! 好啊拜托了谢谢怎样都行Check it out. Restored it myself. 瞧瞧我私藏的宝贝No. 不行I did not get in the little plane at the little airport! 我才不在这小机场里上这架这个小飞机I'm not gonna get in this... 死也不坐这个...flown by that guy that couldn't fix our car! 开飞机的还是这个连车都修不好的家伙Gloria, it's either this, 歌洛莉亚要么就坐这个or we're in the motel. 要么只好住汽车旅馆了I don't like the sound of that. 现在这情况可不怎么乐观A lot of amenities disappear 旅馆前面一加上汽车二字when an "H" Becomes an "M." 档次立马跟着灰飞烟灭You know, when I met you, 知道吗咱俩刚见面那会儿you were eating cereal out of a bucket. 你还只是个从桶里扒麦片吃的小屁孩儿Hey, Lily, guess what? 嘿莉莉你猜怎么着What? 什么事Uh, we just heard from Bunny. 兔兔给我们传信了This is a terrible idea. 这办法糟透了No, it's fantastic. 不这办法好极了Bunny said he's on an amazing adventure 兔兔说他正在经历一场华丽的冒险having the time of his life, 并且特别享受那种生活And that you should pick one of his best friends 还说你应该选一个他的好朋友to sleep with while he's gone. 在他外出的这段时间陪你入眠Bunny doesn't talk. 兔兔不会说话This is going great. 进行得"真"顺利He does now, because-- 他现在会说了因为because he took talking lessons. 因为他上语文课了So what do you think, huh? 那你想选哪一个呢Turtle or giraffe 小海龟还是长颈鹿or, uh, little reindeer? 还是呃小驯鹿呢Where's bunny now? 兔兔现在在哪儿Uh, St. Louis. 呃在圣路易斯Why? 为什么He's visiting his girlfriend. 他去看他女朋友了He doesn't have a girlfriend. 他没有女朋友He has a boyfriend! 他有个男盆友I want bunny! 还我兔兔Okay. No, no, Lily. 好吧等等莉莉Lily, uh, what about miss, uh, teddy bear? 莉莉要不选泰迪熊吧Huh? No? Uh, Dr. Tiger? No? 不好吗那老虎博士呢也不好吗Mr. Fish? 鱼先生呢I want bunny. I'm going to St. Louis. 我要兔兔我要去圣路易斯Really? You don't know nemo? 不是吧这鱼叫"尼莫"都不知道It's on an endless loop in the den. 屋里可都是循环播放着的I have a job. 我可没那闲工夫And then Bodie kicked it to me, 然后博迪传球给我and I dribbled it past Michael and got it to Tyler... 我带球过了迈克传给了泰勒I was bummed not to be in my new cool car, 开不上崭新的靓车我很不爽so I wasn't joking around with the kids like I usually do. 所以我没有像平时一样跟孩子们嬉闹And I would've scored if that kid didn't trip me. 要不是被那小子绊倒我就射门得分了I can't believe the ref didn't see it. 裁判居然没看到I bet Olivia saw it. 奥利维亚肯定看到了She's always watching you when you play. 你踢球时她总是盯着你Yeah, I know. It's like she's in love with soccer. 是啊我知道看来她很喜欢足球Ugh. Stop texting me! 唉别再给我发短信了What? 怎么了Corey. He is so clingy. 是科里他太黏人了Corey. He is so clingy. 该换男朋友了哦(说的是汉语你信吗)But, you know, there's something about driving your kids around. 但是开车接送孩子还是有好处的You're in the front, they're in the back. 你在前排他们在后排They forget you're there, 他们忘记你在那儿and you learn so much. 于是你知道了许多事儿You're like sigourney weaver in "Gorillas in the mist."感觉我像《雾中猩猩》里的西格妮·韦弗Except gorillas make less noise chewing. 不过猩猩的咀嚼声比较小Once I hit the coast highway, I didn't stop. 一开上沿海公路我就一路狂飙I turned off my cell phone. 关掉了手机I ate fish tacos for lunch. It was insane! 午饭吃了鱼肉卷真是太疯狂了I haven't felt that free in years. 好多年都没这种自由的感觉了All my stress completely disappeared... 压力一下子就不见踪影了And so did my keys. 车钥匙也一并没了I'm sorry, but... These signs are ridiculous. 抱歉但这些标志真是傻到家了Oh, you're right. I should have used helvetica. 你说得对我应该用赫维提卡字体It much better represents the urgency of our situation. 这样也更符合我们目前火烧眉毛的状况No, the lengths that we're going to for a stuffed animal. 不我是说咱费尽心思就为找个娃娃You know, cam, maybe it's time lily learned about loss. 小卡该让莉莉体会什么是"失去"了No, she's 3, and I know. 不她才三岁这事我懂Do you know how many times 你知道吗在农场时I had to say good-bye to a furry friend on the farm? 我不得不无数次和动物朋友们告别And didn't it make you stronger? 不正是它们让你变得更强壮了吗Yeah, because I was a growing boy 没错那时我正在长身体and they were chock-full of protein. 而它们富含了蛋白质高营养But it was still heartbreaking. 但终究这事还是会让我心碎It builds character. 这塑造了人的品质You know, once, when I was a kid, 我小时候有一回my dad left my Luke Skywalker doll on an airplane, 我爸把我的卢克·天行者玩偶遗失在机场- and I was so angry-- - Wait, which--which Luke? -我特别气 -等会儿哪一款卢克Shorty robe or dress blacks? 穿短袍的还是黑衣的- Shorty robe. - Oh, my. -穿短袍的 -天呐And you know what he did to get it back? 你知道他怎么捡回它吗Not a damn thing. Nope. 他什么都没干什么都没He didn't lift one pudgy finger 他连动几个手指头去to make a single phone call, 打个电话的都没有and I got over it. 而我挺过来了Yeah, well, I want you and Lily 是啊我希望你和莉莉to have the same healthy relationship 能有健康的父女关系you and your father have. For sure. 就像你和你爹这样必须的All right, give me these flyers. 好吧把传单给我I'm gonna take everything to this side of the homeless guy. 我把它们发给这些流浪汉Mitchell! 米奇尔Sorry, what are we supposed to say now 我错了我们该怎么称呼他们呢Home-challenged? Or... 无家可归的人还是啥No, look! 不快看Oh, my god! It's bunny! 天呐是兔兔Oh, Lily's gonna be so happy. 莉莉会高兴坏了的Oh, that's so great. Go ahead and get it. 真是太好了快去拿回来- What, me? - Yeah. -啥我去 -对啊Why should I go and get it? 干嘛让我去拿回来Well, I-I'm not gonna do it. 我才不会去呢Why? I spotted it. 为什么是我发现的You're closer. 你离得近It's your journey. Luke skywalker? 这是你的使命想想"卢克·天行者" Pattern-breaking? Your father? Get in there. 想想"超越自我" 想想你爹快去Fine. 好吧Sir--hi, sir. 嗨先生Hello, you--you... 你好你你Hello. 你好Hello. 你好He-hello? Sir... 你好先生- I-I can't... - Oh, for god sakes! -我不能 -我的老天爷啊- Let her hate us. - You turned out great. -她要狠咱就恨吧 -你处理得很得体- I did, didn't I? - You're a big lawyer. -我也这么觉得 -不愧是个大律师This is not the massage I had in mind. 我预想中的按摩可不是这样的All right. 好的Okay. 这样In about an hour, a train goes through town 大约一小时后有辆火车会经过这儿that will get us close to pebble beach. 可以把我们带到卵石滩那儿Now it's not technically a-a passenger train, 严格意义上说这不是一辆客车- so it won't be stopping. - What? -所以不会停站 -什么So we gotta get running real good. 咱们到时候得跑快点No high-heeled shoes. And it wouldn't be wrong 高跟鞋就算了吧还有带上那毛毯if we took that blanket with us, either, huh? 应该也能排上用场了吧So what do you say? Anybody up for a hobo adventure? 你们觉得如何来一场流浪大冒险如何If we're voting, I'm a "No". 真要投票的话我反对Manny, we're gonna be right back. 曼尼我们出去一会儿就回来We're gonna get some ice from the machine in the parking lot.我们去停车场那个机器里弄点冰块回来Classy. 够上档次Jay, this is getting crazy. Is it worth it? 杰这是要闹哪样有意思吗I wanna see the old gang. 我就想会会三五老友而已Do you wanna see them or you want to show off to them? 你是真心想见他们还是单纯想去炫耀The private plane, the fancy watch. 私人飞机啊名贵手表啊You still want to feel 你只是想回味that you're the big kahuna on the campus. 自己在大学里当大佬的滋味吧That's not it. That's not even a thing. 才没有呢我压根没往那方面想You know what? I'm taking Manny home. 我要带曼尼回家了If you want to go in the takka-takka-takka-takka, 如果你执意要去坐...okay, go to pebble beach by yourself. 成你就一个人去吧No, what? That's not the plan. 不要说什么呢计划不是这样的If you wanna go there so bad, 如果你那么想去that's the only way you're gonna get there. 这就是唯一的办法了I'm not trying to get me there. 不是我自己想要去那儿I'm trying to get you there! 我是想带你去那儿- What? - Look... -什么 -听着I may have exaggerated the size... kahuna I was. 关于当大佬的事我有点言过其实I may not... 我可能technically have been a kahuna. 严格意义上来说都没当过大佬I was shy, and I spent most of my time... 我那时很怯懦大多时间我都是on the bench. 坐在学校长椅上But you always made it sound like you-- 可你一直说得好像自己当时很...Oh, I know what I made it sound like. 我知道自己吹成什么样People didn't expect much from me, 人们都觉得我不会有大出息and, um... 还有they certainly didn't expect me 他们肯定没想到to end up with... somebody like you. 我会和你这样的美人走到一起So this is all about you 所以你只是把我当成个parading me around like a trophy? 奖杯抱过去耀武扬威是吗Yes. 没错Why didn't you say so? 你干嘛早不讲I can be a trophy! 做奖杯扮花瓶我可最在行Come on. We need to get this up to pebble beach. 好啦赶紧把这个尤物带去卵石滩吧Manny! We're leaving! Get ready! 曼尼出发啦快收拾一下Oh, good. If we get out of here in the next ten minutes, 太棒了我们十分钟内离开的话we don't have to pay for the second hour. 就只用付一个小时的房费How you doing there, sport? 玩得怎么样啊开跑车的- I'm sorry. - That's okay. -真抱歉 -没事啦Thanks. 多谢So... 那Whatcha doing all the way up here? 跑这么远来做什么Did someone snap? 是不是生气啦A little. Yeah. 没错有一点I was mad at you for buying that stupid sports car. 就因为你买那辆破跑车I knew it! 我就知道And I was wrong. 但我错了It's a great car. God, I had the best day. 这车太棒了一整天都棒极了Phil, I did cartwheels. 菲尔我还做了侧手翻Without me? 不带我吗Yeah. 对Hey, did you know there's a girl with a crush on Luke? 你知道有小姑娘喜欢上咱家卢克了吗- Olivia. - Yeah. -奥利维亚吧 -对Oh, and Haley's totally done with Corey. 海莉跟科里彻底玩完了That's new. 这我倒不知道Alex is teaching herself Chinese 艾丽克斯在自学汉语so she'll be useful when they finish buying us. 等回头中国把咱全部收购后可以派上用场She's so weird. 她就是个怪小孩I really want to be able to drive the kids around. 我真的很想驾车带孩子们四处逛逛I need a bigger car for work. I made a mistake. 我本该买个大点的车上班用是我错了No, you didn't. You bought it for a reason. 你没犯错你买它是有原因的When did we stop coming to the beach? 为什么咱们后来就不到海边来了I think it was when Alex 好像是从艾丽克斯started printing out water quality reports. 绘制水质报告开始的She'll be China's problem soon. 以后该头痛的就是中国了[来研究食品质量吧]You know... 你知道吗。

Why there are giant lolipops all over the front yard? And why they taste so bad?Because they are made of cardboard, mouth breather. Hey, the world needs more dreamers, LukeNever stop licking things.I know it's lame,but after last year we promised the neighbourswe would keep our decorations more family friendly. We can't carve a pumpkin?The petition was very specific.Every Halloween, we have the best house.Last year, I took things to a whole new level.But appearently it's too scary for some kids.And one adult.Trick-or-treat!Would you like some candy?Yeah!Or would you rather have this?Come on. You're fine.I don't care what anyone says.You did not give that man a heart attack.Thank you.I mean, you're not even scary.Can I grab a little bit of this candyfor my open house tonight?Uh, yeah, sure, but...It's genius. An open house on Halloween.Millions of bored parents,just trying to keep their... kids out of traffic.Now they can get away from all that,And see a nice house.What do you mean, I'm not even scary?I literally almost scared the life out of a man.You literally scared a little salivaAnd a little urine out of him.That happens to me every time I see a monkey wearing people clothes.I was plenty scary.I used professional-grade makeup.That's the point, Claire. It was overkill.You're the kind of personwho can be twice as scary without wearing any makeup. Bye.You remembered to pick up the costumes, right?Yes, they're right over there.Very excited.Cam has lost a lot of weight--No.So we're throwing a Halloween partyto debut the new him.I'll be dressed as a matador.Wh-what is it now, 30?32.4So I've lost Lily.Where is lily?- Do you--you don't have her? - No.Why would I have her?- I don't have her in my pocket. - Cam?What about the tiara?Uh, we didn't buy one.You can just use the one from last year.Are we poor?No, sweetheart, but you don't need two tiaras.How about next Halloween you try a different costume? No. I have to be a princess.Every year? Why?Because my mom's a princess,Just like you told me.Cam and I have always known that someday,we were gonna have to have the big talk with lily, about who her mom was.We--we were gonna pick the right timeand do it together,Carefully following an agreed-upon script.Then I got tired."And she was the most beautiful princess in all the land. The end."Again.Why is Tyler's mommy so fat?Oh, that's because she has-- she has a baby in her belly.Okay? Good night.Was I in my mom's belly?Lily, no more questions, all right?Just--just go to sleep.Where's my mom now?Um, she's...in a faraway land.Why?Because she's a princess.And she's... very, very busy.Okay.I thought that she'd forget about it by the next morning.I mean, I did.Oh, I knew I was gonna have to tell Cam,and he was gonna be furious,but I was hoping that he'd see the bigger issue.You know, I was really tired.Hey, Cam, you know this whole thingabout Lily wanting to be a princess again?Well, I-I think it might be because I let her believe- her mother was-- - This is a nightmare.- It was just a mistake. - More like a disaster.They sent the matador costume in your size,and the bull costume in mine.Oh. I didn't notice. Um...Now no one's gonna see my bodin this bulky bull costume.It was--it was honestly a mistake.L-listen, um, you--you could do that other thing that you thought of. You could put on that gorgeous white suitthat fits you so well now,and you could be Mr. Roarke,and you could be Mr. Roarke,and Lily could be your Tattoo.No! I have to be a princess!Oh, but, Lily, you were a princess last year.No! You promised! I'm being a princess!Why is she so obsessed with princesses?Well...Like we weren't at that age?I mean...I'm not mad about the ticket.It's just the first time I couldn't charm my wayOut of one of these things.The way I see it, it's not a ticket.It's a conversation.No offense. You don't need that siren.You could stop traffic just getting out of that squad car.License and registration, please.I, uh...I'm no stranger to the police academy myself.I'm no stranger to the police academy myself.Seen all seven of them.Sir, no one's seen all seven.- Is this information accurate? - Yeah.Uh, except for the weight.I thought they wanted to know how much I could curl.I must be getting rusty with my moves.Moves? What moves?You know, flash the baby blues,hit 'em with the devilish grin.In case of emergency, break glassand bust out the dimple.Hey, isn't that one from the smallpox?Hey, isn't that one from the smallpox?'cause I'm 100. Chicken pox.And it doesn't matter where it's from.It always worked.Hey, mom.Manny, why are you coming back from school so late?I got sent to the principal's office.Oh. I am sending him an angry e-mail,because I don't like when--No, no, no. It's not his fault.- What did you do wrong? - Nothing.Oh, that's it. I'm calling him.- I hate when he tries to-- - Nothing on purpose.It was between periods, right before this big test.I was clearing my mind by practicingI was clearing my mind by practicingsome of my Gene Kelly dance moves.- As one does. - Right.And my umbrella accidentally snagged the fire alarm.The principal thought I did it on purpose- so we'd miss the test. - But you didn't!That's it! I'm going to his house!Mom! You gotta stop doing this.I'm not sure if it's the pregnancy,which we both know isn't your fault...But lately you've been such a hothead.I am not a hothead! I am Colombian.We get excited.My country is covered in coffee.Just like the Starbucks girlwhen she got your order wrong?Half-caf, non-fat wet soy latte.How hard is that to hear?!You don't get to be 2-time nonconsecutivedistrict salesman of the year without thinking inside the box. That's right. I said "Inside."You know why? 'cause while everyone'schasing each other around outside the box,You know what the box is?Empty.Which brings us back to our formal dining room.Now any questions?Can we have our candy now?Just as soon as we go overwhat you're gonna tell your parents.- Now what was our style? - Pre-war craftsman.Good, good. And how many square feet?3,500.Still no trick-or-treaters?- Not yet. - Well, maybe people are going out later this year. Well, the street's full of kids,but they're actively detouring around our house.Move along.Who wants some candy?Plenty of name-brand...- family-friendly candy right here. - Oh! It's a trap!No. I--ooh, how about you? Hey--You want some candy, right? Come on,- have some candy! - Mom! Mommy, she's got me!No, I don't-- I'm not trying--- My candy! - Just leave it!Jay, you have to get ready for Mitch and Cam's party.Gloria, does my skin look looser to you?What?Maybe I should try some of that fancy neck cream of yours.Don't you have some with specks of diamonds in it or something?Trick-or-treat.You guys don't even have costumes.I'm a skeleton.And I'm--I'm a lemon.Aren't you too old to be trick-or-treating?Aren't you too old to be having a baby?Ah, you find that funny, lemon?Here's a better joke.Knock, knock. What's gone?Your candy!What was that?Some rude dummies, that they think that they can-- All right, listen. Let's just calm down.Get ready for the party.Calm down what?You think I'm a hothead, like Manny?No!You can be emotional. Volatile, maybe.Still, that's a far cry from--You put egg on my house,I kill what you love!psycho.- Plush utility room? - Yeah, right.I know a hall closet when I see one.And your dad never lies?What medical schooldid the great appliance doctor attend?-Hey, Delgado. - Oh, no! Durkas!What I wouldn't give for this umbrella to haveWhat I wouldn't give for this umbrella to haveMary Poppins' powers.Oh, I pray he didn't hear that.Heard you pulled the fire alarm todayand got us out of that test.- Good job. - Thanks, Mr. Durkas.You know what? You don't need to call me that anymore. Anyway, we're all meeting at the playground at 8:00 And heading out, if you want to join.You're totally going to that.Yeah, if you want to ruin your reputation.You're finally gonna be in with the cool kids.You need to talk at the school assembly on Mondayand apologize to all the teachers.Teachers. More like public sector parasites.Be strong, Manny.Be smart. Adventures, parties.Juvie, heartache.Girls!But not the kind we want.They're all the kind we want.Mr. Dur--Conrad!Take one. I'm an egg donor.I love your costume, too, Cam. Adora-bull.Oh, well, thank you. It's all in fun.I half-wanted to wear something tighter.- You know, I've been reducing. - I can see.- Well, you say it like you can't. - No, no, no. I totally can. Impressive, huh?Yeah. I'm--I'm gonna...- Hey, Cam. - Mm?I'm hearing a rumor that you keep flashing our guests. Oh, well, not in a perverted way.I just want people to see my bodyunder this stupid costume.That's very close to what actual flashers say.- Daddy? - Yeah, one second, honey.I'm just tired of throwing out complimentsand not getting anything back.I told Roberto his spray tan looked real.Look for yourself. It's on two of our pillows and our cat. Daddy. Yeah?Lookit. It's my mommy. She came.Oh. Oh, no, honey, that's not your mommy.It's not?No, no. That's just one of daddy's friends.- What's going on? - Oh, nothing.She just wants one of these cupcakes.- But I already had... - Oh, there you go, honey. Okay, off you go. Mingle! Mingle!Looks like some people came by.Yeah. Oh, yeah, we had a few.I saw that.Hello?Hey, honey.Hi. How's your open house?Pretty empty, actually.I kind of just took it outon a Harry Potter.Seriously, though, a Gryffindorletting his mom carry his Quidditch broom?How Hufflepuff is that?It's pretty lonely here, too.We have been shunned by the whole neighborhood. That's ridiculous.All over some mild little gag you pulled?It was not mild. There was an investig...Oh, I-I thought I heard someone.I guess it was just trees tapping against the window. It's pretty creepy over here in this rattly old house. Anyway, I'll probably give it another 30 minutes, then I'll see you at home.Okay. Bye.What are you laughing about?Oh, it's just your poor dad, you know.Your poor, dumb dad.I'll fill you in at the staff meetingafter Keneally's done telling us about his morning commute. That's hilarious! You sound just like him.You are so doing that at Christmas talent night.Dude, "Rich Girl", "Sara Smile"...Dude, "Rich Girl", "Sara Smile"...then a "Maneater" Encore.It was scary how good they were.Close your eyes, it could have been the real band.Yeah, he got lucky in the football pool once,and now he wants to double the stakes.Oh, I'm so scared!Right?Well, this night was a bust.not a single person even...Or did I speak too soon?Was someone in the mood to be a bad little ghoul?Oh, Connie, I didn't mean you.I'm...hey, that's just...that's just the divorce talking.Hang in there.Bye-bye.Well, someone decided to take a tripto Fantasy Island after all.Well, I'm tired of people not noticing my new physique.If this doesn't work, I'm breaking out the diaperand top hat and going as Baby New Year! Hello. Oh, my god!John-John, is that you?- You look amazing. - Thanks!That's what happens when you lose 100 pounds. Oh, come on. What a...- Who wants to lift me? - Me.Come on. How could he have not called us?Oh, my god, he's as light as a feather.You know what? I'm gonna go lift himand shake him till his staples pop.Cam, stop!Just saying that we could have caught those kids. What, and chase them around all night?I'm not a young man anymore,as the world keeps pointing out.What did that waiter just call you outside? Medieval Knievel.That is hilarious.I love when people put some thought into their outfit. Illegal Alien, Sugar Daddy.Illegal Alien, Sugar Daddy.Why do you say "illegal"?Because antennas are alien, and you're...What? Illegal?Because of the color of my skin?Why don't I dump your baby in your gas tank?Gloria! Uh, no hard feelings, please.Just enjoy the party, okay?First of all, relax. We're at a party.Secondly, you've been deported twice.You're not allowed to be that defensive.What is it with me lately?Manny's right. I'm such a hothead.It happens. You're pregnant.That's what it is, isn't it?It's the baby. It's angry in there.- No! - Yes!You just said it yourself. I have changed.I have an angry baby inside of me making me do bad things! It's just hormones.It's your mama bear instinct kicking in.所以把情绪激烈的孕期母亲称作熊妈妈]And that's a good thing,because that means you're gonna be a great mom--again. Do you really think so?You got a lucky little kid in there.He's got a mom who's not gonna let anyone harm him.Or her.Or--or him.Trick-or-treat.Go ahead.You better run!Oh, my gosh,Is that the most precious thing you've ever seen? Oh, my god.Do you know other princesses?Trust me. I know lots.Okay. Bedtime.Oh, no, it's not that late.Do you know my mom? She's a princess.She's exhausted.She's not making sense. She's so tired. Daddy, you told me!What is she talking about, Mitchell?My real mom. She is, right?Okay, I think we need to have a little talk. Sam, do you notice how slim Cam's getting? Nice try. I will be back for that answer.This isn't gonna work, Claire...'cause I know you're here.What's the plan, anyway?You gonna pop out at me?It's gonna take more than that to scare this--- Hello?! - Hi!Is the house still open?Oh, yes! Yes! I'll be right down.Claire, this is serious! I have a job!Not that you don't. You work 24/7and you don't get half the appreciation you deserve. Can we talk about this later?As you potential buyers can see,This is a, uh, a beautiful home.What's behind here?Oh, I wouldn't go in there!Unless you love formal dining rooms.- Honey, look at this. - I'm in the kitchen.Oh, we should probably stay together.Come on, Sheila.- Phil, one question. Are these-- - Wait, wait.I just love to see people's reactionsWhen I show them--So much storage. What? It's crazy!I think you guys will find that this houseis full of so many... delightful surprisesThat you'll be happy here for--- Oh, my god! - I don't know her!Is this the original tub?What? Yes, it is.It is, uh, the original tub.Um, original fixtures, beveled mirror,Just a-a huge stall shower.If you guys would, uh, want to have a party.I'm kidding, of course.But, um, just a house with a real personality.We'll be right in, sweetie.We agreed to tell Lily about her mother together, wearing calming earth tones,and we agreed to tell her the truth.I know, but haven't you ever said something dumb to Lily that you wish she would just forget?This isn't about me. Let's just fix this.Okay, great. Although...the way you agreed so quickly makes me wonderwhat sort of things you've told her.I may have told her her fibs kills birds.Wow. We're coming back to that one.Oh, hi, princess.Hey, Lil. Could we talk to you for a second?Am I in trouble?Oh, gosh, no. Of course not, sweetie.Um... Well, do you remember how we used to tell you there was a heaven for all the flowers that die?What do you mean, "used to"?Sorry, I let it slip. We'll deal with it later.Much much are you not telling me?Why are you talking like this?Daddies took a little side trip.- Sorry, sweetie. - Um, so sometimes, uh,we tell you things like that to make you feel better. And I might have done the same thingwhen I told you that your mom is a princess.So she's not?Well, you know what?- She might be. - She might be.But we can't know for sure, honey, Because... well, we don't know where she is Or... what she's doing.B-but what--what we do knowis that she loved you very, very much...And she knew that she couldn't take care of you, so she made sure that you wentwith the most loving family she could find.And that's how the three of us became a family. Does that make sense, sweetie?Do you have any questions for us?Why did you say a fib and kill a bird?I noticed you walking in with your wife earlier. She's stunning.You know my favorite part of that compliment? You knew she was my wife.Half the world thinks she's my daughter.Well, if you ask me, she's a lucky girl.Bummer for me, though.Handsomest man in here, and he's taken.I'll bet you do all right with the boys.I do.It's the men I'm interested in.You just put it all right out there, don't you?I always try to hold a little something back.Oh, my gosh.No, no, no, no, no, no. Leave him.- No, but you know that's a-- - I know. He needs this. Okay.- It was great meeting you, Jay. - You, too, Sam.Wow! Looks like somebody really likes you.What can I say? I still got it.I've been meaning to ask you-- have you lost some weight? - Because you look good. - Wow, you have no ideawhat that means to hear from you, Jay.Uh, turn it that way.I thought this might cheer you up.Da plane! Da plane!Baby girl!Look you! You even taught her the catchphrase.Yeah. Jay, have you seen my new tattoo?- Be in touch. - Well, thanks so much for coming.- Yeah. Thanks. - Okay.Okay, Claire, they're gone. You can come out now. Claire?Honey, I'm sorry I said you weren't scary.It's been such a long day.Can we please just go home?All right. I'm leaving without ya.So... this remote you know how to use.Yes?Phil, where are you?Claire? Where are you?I came over to scare you, but then I heard youshowing the house to that couple,so I got out of your way.Are you at home?Yeah. I got here ten minutes ago.S-so... So you're saying...This call isn't coming from inside the house?What are you talking about? Just get home.The kids and I are hungry.Yeah, hurry up, dad.We miss you!Miss you, too, buddy.Trick-or-treat!I wasn't really that scared.Okay.Hey, you never told me if you hit those kids with that egg. They blended into the crowd,but there was a slow one with them.He couldn't run so fast,and I nailed him pretty good.- I warned you. - Okay, Reuben.Where are your cool friends now?Not q-tipping your ear, that's for sure. Okay, Reuben.This is why I never hang out with cool kids. Yeah, you rejected them,Shortly after you and your momroller danced at the talent show. Oh... we were robbed.Couldn't have been the song you picked. "Wind beneath my w--" Ow!。

Look, I know you'r tired.But just think how good you're gonna feel tomorrowwhen you wake up and we have all new shop paper.I wish I didn't get what you are talking about.But I do. I just do.Hey, who could be calling at this hour?It's Sal.No. Not answering that.Whatever earth-shattering drama she's going through can wait. Until she gets here.Oh, God. I hope we have vodka.We don't, Mitchell.Sal was our best girlfriendfrom back in our party days,but over the years, we've kind of gone in different directions. We chose forward.Why won't this open?Uh, something's wrong with that door.Okay, whatever. I have the most amazing news,and I'm super excited,but I won't be if you don't want me to be.Ready?I'm getting married!Oh, my gosh! Congratulations!- I know! - Who's the guy?Oh, the love of my life.Oh, so you finally bagged your boss?Oh! Yes, but it's not him. And I don't work there anymore. His name is Tony.I met him three months ago.He's the greatest guy ever.And seriously, are you guys okay with this?Of course. Why wouldn't we be?Well, you know, because I can get married,and you guys... Ugh! can't.So? That doesn't mean you shouldn't.Really? Because I will not go through with itif you don't want me to. Seriously.Not necessary. I mean, what kind of people would we be if we denied you or anyone the right to marry?#politics.This makes me so happybecause I want you two to be my best men.- Yes! Yes! - Of course!Okay. The wedding is gonna be super cute,Just us, a little dinner after.Oh, and it's next Friday.Oh. What, it's next Friday?- Yeah. - How will we have time to do best man stuff? You know, like help you pick out your dress,get your flowers, get our hair blown out?He's never been a best man before.Oh, my God, we're getting married!We're getting married! Let's have a drink.- Yeah, we're out of vodka. - I will see you on Friday. And initial here and here and here.Ay, my arm is starting to hurt.- Just a couple more. - What's going on?Nothing. I have to get this package,but there's so much signing.Get out of here, you perv.What's the matter with you?You don't do that in front of strangers.At least throw a blanket over.- I am not ashamed. - Obviously.They're out all the time--in front of Manny, at the club,at Claire's dinner the other day.Phil almost ate a candle.Fine. Next time, I will feed your baby inside a dark closet. I'm just saying pick your moments, huh?Like let Daliya open the door. That's why we hired her. Daliya?My mother raised six childrenwhile working at a construction job.She would be so ashamed if I had a nanny.I don't see a lot of shame from your momwhen she's cashing my checks every month.Hey, Daliya, we gotta go see Manny's teacher.Would you try to coax a burp out of this one?Come here, little guy.Can you hold him a little higher?I will. I'm just letting him get settled in.Okay, we're going. Bye-bye, joe.He likes to bounce a little.Can you cup your hand- so that he doesn't feel like you're slapping? - Okay.She knows it. Stop micromanaging.Cup your hand.- Hello. - Hey.Hey, can one of you guys drive me to my cello thing tonight? Honey, I wish we'd known.Yeah. We got a dinner thing with the Flendersons.Okay, you don't have to stay,and those aren't even real people.Sorry. I panicked.I got stuck between the Flemings and the Hendersons.Oh, my god. Are those new boots?Yes.I love them. They're so cute!They are?Oh, I forgot to tell you--Danielle Gunston--first one in my class to get pregnant.You totally called it.Did you hear that?My money was on Denise Modick.No. First she complimented my fashion sense,then she told me I did something right.Phil, I think it's happening.Raising a kid is like sending a rocket ship to the moon. You spend the early years in constant contact,and then one day, around the teenage years,they go around the dark side and they're gone.All you can do is wait for that faint signalthat says they're coming back.I think Haley is sending me that signal.And?- And Phil gave me that analogy. - Yeah.You know what?I think I'm gonna ask her out to dinner tonight.Do you think she'll say yes?If you want,I can pass her a note in study hall.What did I do?Oh, my god. Nothing.I just wanted to know, if you weren't busy,you know, if you wanted to have dinner with me tonight? Dinner? Just you and me?I mean, you don't have to. It's cool. Don't worry.No, sounds fun. Let's do it.Okay. Let's meet by the front door, then.You know, 7:00?- Okay. - Yeah.I totally think she likes you!I think so, too.First of all, I just want to say what a pleasure it isto have Manny in art class.He's talented--Can we just skip to what he did wrong?Who said that he did something wrong?Hit it.We do have an issue.- Told you. -Manny seems to have quite a fascination with the female nude.So? He's a romantic.Well, this is all his art work over the last few weeks. Holy moly.There were even more,but I think the janitor took some home.Look at this.And this.And these.Look, I'm an artist. I'm free.I used to have an earring up here.But some of the other parents have complained. Well, the moms.He must have learned that at school.Because we have filters in the computer,and I have thrown out all of Jay magazines.Don't know what she's talking about.There is no way that Manny has seen this sort of thing at our home. We'll take it from here.Hey, buddy.It's just you and me tonight.Sounds good. I'll be right down.All right.I knew it! What are you hiding?- Porn. - Don't lie to me!Fine.I'm trying to send a message to a girl on Facebook,but she's so out of my league.Look at her.Oh, yeah. She's cute.I've been sitting here forever- and I can't think of anything to say. - Well, you are in luck.If anyone knows the art of wooing the fairer sex,it's this guy."Hey."- Wait! - Send.Why did you type that?Now she knows I'm thinking about her.Smiley face.Oh, my god. Stop now.We can only screw it up from here.Please. You're in the hands of the master.I think I know how to pick up a 14-year-old girl...for you."What's the haps tonight?"Boop."What's the haps tonight"? Nobody says that. "Going to the mall. Wanna meet?""Dinner at Rosa Grill in an hour?"Question mark. Boom!Kids don't eat dinner.What do you mean, you don't eat dinner?What do you do?I don't know. You just walk around and jump off stuff. You can't invite a girl to jump off stuff.Well, it's way better than--"See ya then. X.O."You're in, buddy.I gotta get ready.All right, let's go before this wears off.I think we have a few days.Well, thank you, dimples.Oh, you better get that out of your system,'cause in two hours, you're gonna be...Mrs. Anthony Lombardo.So does this Italian of yours cook?In every room of the house,if you know what I mean!- We have a lot of sex. - Yeah. Got it.Okay, now let's have a proper toast. All right.To wild Sal.You gave it a good run,but like every legendary gunslinger,there comes a time when you need to holster your weapons and ride off into the sunset.But you took on every man who came to town.- I really did! - You sure did.Also, you know, I'm just getting married.I'm not dying.No, no. We're just happy you're happy.And we're excited that we're gonna get to seeso much more of you now.Yes. We'll be couple friends.We'll go to movies... take classes...Oh, our game nights on Saturday...- Huge. - They're epic, yeah.Do you play Cranium?Do you play Cranium?Well, if I'm playing board games on a Saturday night,you can shoot me in my cranium.But I love you!I need to take a whiz.I'm so happy for her.I think we might have freaked her out, though.Oh, no, Mitchell. Come on. You're a smart man,but you are awful at reading people.Sal's been different this week.That is a woman in love.Looks like a woman in love.Look, nobody's as happy as I am about you loving the ladies. All I'm saying is, you gotta pull back a little.- Okay. - Ay, Manny,this is all my fault.I am too free with my body.It was okay when you were a little boy, but...Was it?But now that you're a young man,- and... - I didn't hear a word they said.All I could think about was Daliya.Every drawing, every poem,every historical novel I wrote was for her.She was my muse.Toss in a body that doesn't quit,and I think we got a soul mate.So there's a lot of other things you can draw.You've got your landscapes. You've got your bowls of fruit. Trees.A barn. The ladies with the fruit on the head.I said fruit.But you didn't say the ladies with the fruit on the head. I'm trying to get him away from the ladies.Ah, good. Good. Good.This is so stupid.What if I spill on her,or accidentally brush my boob against her hand?I mean her hand against my boob.Dude, stay cool. You got this.I'm gonna be at the bar the whole time.If you start to panic, just come get me.Shh. There she is.What was that?I don't know. I've never heard it before.Try not to let that happen again.- Hi, Luke. - Pretty good.Uh, I mean, hi, Simone.Uh, this is my dad.Dad, this is Luke.You're funny.Looking.Clutch.What are you still doing here?What the hell got into me?Besides the bartender's tongue?Yes. Yes, well, that was a little inappropriate.But let's not overreact.It's perfectly natural to have a panic attackbefore making a big life decision.What if it's the wrong decision?What if Tony's not the guy?What if he's the guy?Or him? He is cute. When did he come in?Okay, you need to focus, Sal.You are about to make a sacred, lifelong commitment. You are not making this better!Oh, god, it's Tony.I'm supposed to pick him up and drive him to the wedding? Everybody shut up for a second!Okay, you know what? I'm gonna marry him.What's the worst that can happen? I get a divorce.People do it all the time.oh, you're suffocating me!It is not too late. You are not married yet.You're right.Okay. That's good. Get it all out.- Here. Stand up. - Okay, mom?Mom. Mom. Oh, my god, mom, I think I got it.I've been lugging this thing around for ten years.Okay. Well, you sure you don't want us to stayand--and hear you play?Mm, that's okay.Yeah, I agreed to dinner,Yeah, I agreed to dinner,not tickets to the Electric Light Dorkestra.Don't be so mean to your sister.No, that's our band's name.So you wanna go back to that vegan place?Ooh. Leather jacket. Can't take the hate.Haley!Gabby! What are you doing here?I just stopped in for a bump of coffeebefore I meet up with Zoe and those guys at Noodlecat. - Do you wanna go? - So what's--what's Noodlecat? Oh, it's this really cool Asian placethat sells, like, a million different kinds of noodles. And hopefully, no cat.- Well, that sounds cool. - So you don't mind if I go? Oh, I kind of thought we had plans.Oh. Yeah. You're right.So I can meet you guys there after.- How long are you gonna be there? - No.It's fine. It's fine. Go.I'll stay and watch Alex.Oh, now I feel bad.Love you!Excuse me.You're Luke's dad, aren't you?I'm Valerie, Simone's mom.- Oh. Phil. - Hi.I recognized youfrom when you hosted the school's talent night. You were incredibly limber.Ah, when you wear the right pants.- Please, sit down. - Thank you.Yeah.So how is the big date going?I don't know.Simone was so nervous.When they were chatting on the computer,I had to write everything for her.That's so funny. I did the same thing for Luke. So the whole time we were talking to each other? Wait, does that make this our date?Well, a good father, funny, handsome.A girl could do a lot worse.You know what, Mitchell?Forgive me if my Missouri is showing,but what she is doing is not marriage.It's a mockery of marriage. It's mockerage.- And I'm gonna stop it. - No, no, you're not.I can't help but think you're infusing the situation with just a touch of your own frustration.Why, because we've built a life together for the last ten years? Because we're raising a child?Or because I was the first person to think of doingan elaborately choreographed dance at our wedding,and now it's been done to death?Makes you feel any better,I was never gonna do that.But... I get it.Well, you know what? She can't get marriedif the best man doesn't hand over the wedding ring.- You wouldn't. - Yes, I would.Where is it? Give it to me.- Give me the ring. Cam. - Stop. Stop.- You have to give me... - Oh, well, this is a mystery solved. Thank you!- Okay. Let's go do this. - Okay.How hot does Tony look?On a scale of 1 to bartender, or...Reel it in, Cam.I think this is broken.We're gonna have to find another spot.No, we'll be late for the movie.Are you sure you're doing it right?We both know I know how to use a credit card.All right, I'll put a note on the meter.Let me get a piece of paper.Maybe this is a bad sign.Maybe I'm not supposed to be in the movie theater.I'm supposed to be at home with my babies.Honey, we know that Daliya knows how to take care of Joe. And what about manny? He's supposed to run his own bath? You know, considering what's been going on with him,it might be good for you to give him a little space.I mean, this was his idea.What was?That we go out tonight,so that we could get some alone time.Oh, that's sweet.- Uh-oh. - What?We gotta get home. Look--Manny's notebook.More drawings and a poem-- "Ode to Daliya."So those were not my boobs? They were Daliya's boobs? Yep. This is not a "Nude descending a staircase,"this is a "Nude vacuuming a staircase."Okay, Manny. Joe's asleep.What do you want for dinner?Actually, already taken care of.You shouldn't play with your food.What are you doing here?I knew you were upset I left,and I felt bad, so I came back,You're here out of guilt?I know. I'm growing up.Why are you rolling your eyes at me?I'm doing a nice thing.Because I want you to be here because you wantto be here. Okay, you're being really needy right now.Oh, my god. Are you going through the change?Stop asking me that every time I express an emotion.And no, I am not. It's just so damn hot in here.I am disappointed, that's all.When you were little, we used to do everything together. And I thought maybe you were coming back around,and we could be friends again.I just... miss being part of my daughter's life.Hey, everybody. Thanks for coming.I thought this was supposed to be some sort of classical thing. Me, too.She sings?I don't even know who that is.Oh, my god, Phil, you are hilarious.Yep. That's how I got my wife of 20 years.Could we get the check, please?Oh, I got this.Ooh, funny and generous.If my husband were more like you...maybe I'd still be married.Well, if my wife were here,she'd want me to be clear that I'm fully committed to her. You know that, right?What?No, I just wanna make sure,because you unbuttoned a button,and I... love my wife, so--You were the one who was flirting- and saying we're on a date. - That was a joke,But I'm--I'm sorry if I misled you at all.Thank you.But there was a lot of touching.I touched your shoulder for a second.No, it was more of a stroke, like this--Okay. I'm so sorryfor touching your hand with my boob.I mean my boob with your hand.Is this your little game?You cop a feel on a sad divorceeand then pretend I'm the one coming on to you?- How does that feel? - Oh. Weird.You like it? Yeah?Little bit of that?- Yeah. - Little bit of whoa. No.You probably like this. Don't you?Oh, stop it. Your daughter's right over there.My minivan is right outside.That is not what I meant.This pizza is delicious.I like it, too. We have so much in common.Have you seen the back of your menu?"With silken hair and supple olive skinand hands that wash the laundry of my kin..."Oh, Manny...You still have 12 lines to go.Spoiler alert-- I love you.Okay, back away from the nanny.Oh, my god, it looks like a Madonna video in here!- Why aren't you at the movies? - We need to talk right now. - What have you done to my son?! - I didn't--She didn't do anything.Why do you have to embarrass me?Embarrass you? Maybe if you didn't fall in love...Stop this!You're going to wake the baby.Now Manny and I are having a private discussion.So please, give us a minute.- I'll give you your minute right this minute. - Gloria. Gloria. Go ahead, Manny.I'm not saying we need to do anything right away.I'm just asking you to wait a few years.You are so sweet.Whoever ends up with youis the luckiest woman in the world.That could be you.No.I am unlucky, because I was born too soon.And I can't have you wait around.Poets have to live.Besides, in a few years, you'll feel differently.You're wrong. I'll feel this way for the rest of my life. Well, Manny, wait.- Ay, Manny, papito lindo-- - Leave me alone. Sorry about that.Don't be. It's the sweetest offer I've ever gotten.I am so sorry that I screamed at you.It was so nice what you told him in there.I take Manny, you take the little one?Okay.- You probably just-- - She knows what to do, Jay. Tiramisu.I love his tiramisu.Marriage is a promise.It says to the world that you share a loveand a commitment to each otherThat will only grow deeper as the years go by.Now have you two written vows?Yeah, I'll go.Marriage terrifies me.Take Mitch and Cam.I used to think their life looked so boring.I could never do it. Pay bills? Wash dishes?Wake up to the same face every day?I felt sorry for them.Where is this headed?But they're not bored.It turns out when you're with the right person,you can change shelf paper at 10:00 at night in your pajamas and not wanna be anywhere else.That's how much they love each other.- We sure do. - And when I just saw your face,I remembered...that's how much I love you.Thanks for being here.We wouldn't be anywhere else, Sal.And do you have anything prepared?Hit me, baby.I made out with a stripper last night.Sorry. I just wanna start this clean.I made out with a bartender... An hour ago.You're not just saying that to make me feel better, are you? Back me up. Didn't I?- She totally did. - I totally did!- Yeah. He was hot, too. - He was very good-looking.- Nice. - Well. That was different.- Who's got the ring? - I do.Hand 'em over.Thank you guys so much.Alex, honey, amazing.Why didn't you tell us?- Oh, I-I don't know. - That was so good.If I didn't know you,I'd be all like, "That chick is cool."Hey, guys, hi. I'm Alex's mom.You were terrific.Hey, and I'm her sister.We're gonna go get some dinner.Do you wanna come with us?You can bring your friends from the band.Um, no, thanks. We're actually going out,and I have a ride home, so see you guys later.Okay.Oh, my god. Sorry about that.Did she just apologize for us?- Yep. - But we were just being nice.Sucks, doesn't it?Luke, I'm sorry Simone's mom dragged her away so fast. It's okay. I was running out of things to say.Guess I kind of blew it for you, didn't I?No. Now that her mom doesn't want hergoing out with me anymore,Simone wants me more than ever.I guess she's heading into a rebellious stage.Best time to get 'em.Never be afraid to go after a girl who's out of your league.I did. That's how I got your mom.Yeah, I always wondered how you pulled that one off.She was in a rebellious stage, too.Yep, grandpa wasn't always as crazy about me as he is now. I'm gonna go pop the champagne and get some glasses.I'll help.I'm gonna get Cranium.Sorry you couldn't come to the wedding.It was no kids.It's okay. I'll go to your next one.She--she just means whenshe's not a kid anymore, you know?She knows what I mean.I don't like you.I'll get over it.。

Explain yourself. 解释下你的行为I'm taking photos of your feet for perverts. 我在拍你的脚给变态看- Ew! - Hear me out. -恶... -听我说完Remember when you couldn't return those sneakers you bought 还记得你买的运动鞋没法退and asked me to sell them online? 让我拿到网上卖吗Right after I listed them... 我刚放到二手网站上...I got a message asking 就收到一条信息问我if they'd been worn and sweat in. 鞋子有没有被穿过有没有汗臭Before I could lie and say no... 我还没来得及说谎说没有...I got another message. 就收到另一条信息"Can I see your feet?" "我可以看你的脚吗"Apparently, there are a ton of these feet freaks on the Internet. 原来网上有无数这样的恋足癖Oh, my God, did you write this? 天啊这是你写的吗"My little piggies got so sweaty." "我的小脚脚超爱出汗"- Sexy, right? - No. -很性感吧 -才不No, it's gross! 一点也不恶心死了That pair of sneakers went for over $200. 那双运动鞋可是卖到200刀哦I have more in my closet. 我衣柜里还有很多鞋That was three weeks ago, 那一幕发生在三周前and we have made a ton of money since. 打那以后我们卖鞋赚了好多钱All I have to do is wear a different shoe every day. 而我只需要每天穿不一样的鞋子Hitting all of the right notes... 各项标准都达标Ship it. 寄出去吧Les finalistes 入围本届pour L'Expo Internationale du Closet sont... 国际橱柜展览会决赛的选手有...Kabinett Konig, Berlin. 柏林康妮西橱柜Pritchett's Closets -- 普里契特橱柜Hah! Yes! 太棒了Yes, yes, yes! 太棒了太棒了Yes! 太爽了You guys are so gross! 你们太恶心了For the first time in company history, 这是我公司史上首次we are going to 去参加the Expo Internationale du Closet! 国际橱柜展览会...Berlin. 柏林Pritchett's Closets. 普里契特橱柜Son of a bitch, we did it! 我的亲娘啊我们做到了We did it! 我们做到了Manny, I appreciate 曼尼我感谢你you coming from college for this moment. 从学校回来见证这一刻Yeah... 是啊Something like this only happens 像这样的事once in a wee-- year -- lifetime? 一周...一年...一辈子一遇吧If that! 可不是嘛I'm accustomed to certain creature comforts 我习惯了某些that are hard to come by at school, 在学校难以得到的物质享受so I've been stopping home to...borrow things. 所以我就常回家来...借点东西You know, I may have to go shopping. 看来我得去买东西了I'm kind of between tuxedos, size-wise, right now. 我的礼服尺寸都有点不太合适了- Oh, so this is a... big deal? - It is. -所以这个...很了不起吗 -当然了But, uh, don't feel you have to live up to this. 但是但不用觉得你也得做到这地步because that kind of pressure can kill a kid. 因为这种压力能压垮一个孩子That's probably Claire calling me. 可能是克莱尔给我打电话了These will be rolling in all day, you know. 今天电话肯定要打爆了Hello? 喂Who still uses fax machines? 现在谁还用传真机啊You know what? People are gonna want to see me at the office. 大家肯定想在办公室看到我I'll just play nine holes and head in early, huh? 我先打半场高尔夫再早点儿过去- See you, kid! - See you. -再见孩子 -再见My new real-estate company 我的新房地产公司is this close to its first sale. 离第一笔买卖就差这么点A sale we really need! 我们迫切需要一笔买卖Not just to prove my old partners wrong, 不只是为了证明我的老合伙人错了but also to pay the bills. 也是为了维持生计Unfortunately, 不幸的是my client has developed a case of cold feet. 我的客户突然临阵变卦Phil, this house is everything I have wanted. 菲尔这房子符合我的一切要求Great! Should we write up an offer? 太好了我们要出个报价了吗But, I am feeling a hostile energy. 但是我感受到了一种敌意负能量I can assure you -- 我可以跟你保证this house is filled with nothing but happy memories. 这房子除了快乐的记忆没别的- If these walls could talk... - They can. -如果这些墙会说话的话 -它们会And they are. 而且正在说Personally, I don't believe in 我个人是不相信any of that evil-spirit mumbo jumbo. 什么邪灵巫术As a magician, I've learned that every spooky happening 作为一个魔术师我知道任何恐怖灵异has a perfectly reasonable explanation. 都有一个完美的合理解释Even the eeriest of illusions, Satan's Elevator, 即便是最可怕的魔术撒旦电梯is really just two mirrors and a tiny... 也只是利用了两面镜子和一个小...Nice try. 想得美When Phil told me about this house, 菲尔告诉我的时候I offered to help. 我自愿帮助他Now that Manny's away at college 现在曼尼上大学了and Joe goes to kindergarten, 乔也去上幼儿园了I have time for one of my old hobbies -- 我就有时间继续我原来的爱好之一confronting the devil in all his forms. 逼恶魔现出原形I have everything I need -- 我需要的东西都带来了sage, a spoon from the Vatican cafeteria, 鼠尾草梵蒂冈的餐厅的勺子my maracas -- 我的沙球Oh, here she is! 她来了Mrs. Graham, looking well! 格拉哈姆太太气色不错How are those peptides doing? 今天的抗老化缩氨酸怎么样了Ooh, terrific! My shaman realigned them. 太好了我的巫师帮我重新排列了它们And I got the last everything bagel, 我买到最后一个全味贝果so I guess we both got off to a great start today. 看来我们今天都有个不错的开始What say, we buy a house? 怎么样买栋房子吧Oh, this is Gloria. 这是歌洛莉亚She'll be addressing your concerns. 她会解决你的担心Nice to meet you. 很高兴认识你I instantly trust you. 我立马就对你产生信任了Why is that? 为什么呢Oh, I got it. 我知道了We were once cats together. 我们都曾经是猫I joke! I'm not that crazy. 我开玩笑的啦我才没那么神经Now, tell me about the ghost. 跟我说说这屋里的幽灵吧Well, in these suburban cases, 在这种郊区的房子里it's usually a low-level haunting, 一般都只是低级阴魂like a dead unpaid gardener, 可能是一个被拖欠工资的死园丁a dead jealous boyfriend, 或者是一位吃醋的死男友a dead dog who left something unfetched. 也可能是一条还有东西没叼回来的死狗Okay. Here we go. 好了进来吧Oh, she's just taken with the natural light 她对这种价位能就买到采光与通风and the flow at this price. 这么好的房子感到震惊It -- it still gets me every time. 但是每次都还是会吓到我You did it, you bastard! 你做到了你个混蛋Be the change 欲变世界you want to see in the world -- 先变其身I got here as soon as I could! 我已经尽快赶过来了In some ways, the words of Gandhi 在某种程度上甘地说过的话are truer today than ever before. 在今天比过去更真切The world is taking notice of the Aurora walk-in, 全世界都开始注意到极光超大衣柜了which is blurring the line between storage and sanctuary. 它模糊了收纳和避难所之间的界限I want to take a moment to celebrate our rock, 我想要说几句来赞美我们的基石our foundation, 这一切的基础someone to whom we owe a very special debt... 一个我们亏欠了很多的人Josie. 乔茜Rock? Foundation? Josie? 基石基础乔茜Who is that?! 那丫是谁啊And to thank you all for your amazing accomplishments, 为了感谢大家的杰出成果I have got an ice-cream cart coming in this afternoon! 今天下午我请大家吃冰淇淋That's right. 没错I.T. Guy, I need your help. IT男我需要你帮个忙- Cigar ash in your keyboard again? - Something bigger. -雪茄烟灰又掉到键盘里了 -比那重要But, yeah, bring that little vacuum. 但你还是把小吸尘器带上吧My sister Pam came to stay with us for a couple weeks. 我姐姐帕姆来我们这暂住几周A year ago. 一年前就来了In the unit upstairs -- 住在楼上那套房里which we used to rent for money, 那里以前是出租来赚钱的which we need 我们需要那些钱to pay for everybody in the unit downstairs. 来养活楼下这套房里的人We had no choice. 我们别无选择She was pregnant. 她当时怀孕了The father, Bo, was in jail, 但孩他爸博进监狱了and she happens to be my best friend. 而且她还是我最好的朋友Yeah, yeah, like Tom and Jerry are best friends. 是啊你们的友谊像卡通里的猫和老鼠一样Pam, did you remember the oranges? 帕姆你有记得买橙子吗Say "oranges" one more time. 你敢再说一次"橙子"试试Oranges. 橙子- Say it one more time! - Oranges! Oranges! -再说一次试试 -橙子橙子And then she left the door open, 她还不关好门and poor Larry got out and got in a fight with a possum.可怜的拉里跑了出去和一只负鼠打了一架Now we have to give him antibiotics every day at noon,现在我们不得不每天中午给它喂抗生素which he hates. 它特别不愿意吃On the positive side, 但好的一面是we've both been coming home at lunch 我们两个每天中午都回家吃午餐because it's a two-man job, 因为这活得俩人干as it what we've also been enjoying 我们每天午休时享受的另一件事on our little lunch break... 也要俩人一起"干"You look really cute in that suit. 你穿这身正装真好看You look really cute in those gym shorts. 你穿这条运动短裤真好看Only eight more days of cat antibiotics. 猫咪还得再吃八天的抗生素Say "nntibiotics" one more time. 你敢再说一次"抗生素"试试Antibiotics. 抗生素Okay, sweetie, but Pam's Mommy and Me class 好的亲爱的但帕姆的亲子课is only an hour, so, you know, hurry. 一小时就结束了你可得快点回来Oh, a surprise, huh? 有惊喜吗Okay. Okay, well I can't wait. 那好我等不急了Yeah? 哪位Afternoon. 下午好Oh, my God, are you the surprise? 我的天你就是那个惊喜I was thinking candles, or flowers on the bed -- 我还以为是蜡烛或铺满鲜花的床那类的My name is Bo Johnson, 我叫博·约翰逊and I am here to meet my baby boy 我来见我的宝贝儿子and win back the love of my life, 赢回我的一生挚爱Miss Pam Tucker. 帕姆·塔克女士Oh, my -- You're-you're B- you are Bo. 天哪你就是你就是博Um, okay, well, Pam is not here. 好吧帕姆不在家I'm Mitchell, Cameron's husband. 我是米奇尔卡梅隆的丈夫He's talked so much about you. 他说过很多你的事Oh, well, he did have a little thing for me 他过去在高中时- back in high school. ?- Yeah. -的确有点迷恋我 -是啊I guess he's got a type. 看来他只喜欢咱们这类型的Stop it! Stop it. 别闹了别闹了- I am nothing like -- - Well, if you don't mind, actually, -我哪能和你比 -如果你不介意的话I'd like to come in? 我想先进门I got to see man about a horse. 我得去马厩看看状况But we don't have -- 可我们这没有...That's a classy way of saying 那是种婉转的说法I got to make my bladder gladder. 是我要去释放一下膀胱的意思Bathroom! Uh, yes... 卫生间好的Uh, end of the hall on -- on the right. Yep. 在走廊尽头右手边Oh, and the Teen Vogues are our daughter's! 那些青少年时尚杂志是我们女儿的We don't even know who Demi Lovato is! 我们根本不知道黛米·洛瓦托是谁We don't even know who Demi Lovato is! 美国年轻女歌手与青少年偶像Okay, how did Larry get out again? 好吧拉里怎么又跑出去了God, it must've been your sister. 天啊肯定是你姐So, guess who is in the bathroom. 你猜谁在卫生间里Oh, well, my surprise was just candles, 我的惊喜不过是蜡烛而已but I'm not saying no. 但我也来者不拒No, uh... It's Bo. 不是博- My Bo? - No -- -我的博 -不Well, technically, he's-he's more Pam's Bo, 应该说是帕姆的博and I am your Mitchell. 而我是你的米奇尔But yes. Yeah, he's here to take Pam and the baby home! 但是的他来接帕姆和宝宝回家I mean, how great is that? 这是多好的事啊Cameron Tucker! 卡梅隆·塔克Get the hell out of my house. 从我家里滚出去Close those arms. 合上你的双臂Come on, Cam. 别这样小卡- Yeah, come on, Cam. - No. -是啊别这样小卡 -不You are not getting anywhere near my sister. 我不准你接近我姐姐Now get out! 快滚Let's go! Get out! 快点快滚Uh, won't he just wait for Pam outside? 那他就会改成在门口等帕姆啊- I mean -- - Okay, you know... Come back in! -因为 -好吧给我回来Great. There goes Larry again. 太好了拉里又跑出去了You know, I'm starting to think he's unhappy living here. 我开始认为它不愿意在咱家待着了Good. Good. 很好很好Uh, no Velcro. 有魔术贴的鞋不行Our brand is a little more upscale. 我们的品牌要更高级些Another buyer is tired of seeing the same feet. 又一个买家看同一双脚看腻了Oh, it's my fault now? 这成了我的错吗What's he doing to keep things interesting? 他也没为保持新鲜感做出什么贡献啊Why do I care? 我为什么在乎I'm surprised you were open to this. 真没想到你愿意这么做I'm surprised you know how to do this. 真没想到你这么熟练Don't forget, 别忘了we have to get over to mom's work to ship shoes later. 我们一会得去老妈公司把鞋发出去Wait a second, you're using Mom's FedEx? 等一下你一直在用老妈的快递吗Every time she and Dad have a fancy night out, 每次她和老爸晚上出去奢侈she uses the hashtag "Luke's college fund." 她总会用"卢克的大学基金"So, yeah, I'm using her account. 所以我也占占她的便宜Is there something you're not telling me about this house?你是不是有瞒着一些关于这房子的事I am kind of getting a murdery vibe. 我有点感觉到了凶杀案的气息The only killing that's ever gonna happen in this house 唯一与这幢房子有关的"杀"is the one that's gonna happen when you sell the place. 是你哪天转卖时会杀光买家的钱包Laughter makes the spirits hungry, Phil! 笑声会激怒鬼魂们菲尔Spirits? 鬼魂们You means there's more than one? 有不止一个的意思吗Hi, Gil. 吉尔Wait. No. Gil? 等等不吉尔Hey, Glo? 歌洛Uh, super stoked you're here. 你能来我真的很高兴If-if I could give you one tiny note? 希望你能听我一个小建议Mrs. Graham's terror level, 格拉哈姆太太的害怕等级which should be going down, 我们需要把它往下降- is actually going up. - Mine too. -但目前在升高 -我的也在升高Actually, I'm panicking right now! 事实上我已经慌了You can't believe what I'm sensing right now! 你不会相信我现在所感受到的There is like, a humming sound, vibrations, fear! 这里有嗡嗡声震动恐惧I'm pretty sure that's all coming off of me, 我很肯定那都是我发出来的because I'm about to lose a sale I really need. 因为我很需要的这桩生意要黄了How about this? Just-just spin it a little. 这样如何你稍微包装一下What are you asking me to do? 你想让我做什么In real estate, there are no dumps. 在房地产界没有烂房There are fixer-uppers. 只有待修房A small house is cozy. 面积小就说很温馨How do we know this presence is bad? 我们又不知道这个灵体是坏的What about Casper? Or the Holy Ghost? 比如《鬼马小精灵》或圣灵People love those guys -- 人们特喜欢那种的Phil. 菲尔It's bad, isn't it? 情况很糟是不是No, it's-it's actually really good. 不情况其实很好Gloria was just saying she's making real progress. 歌洛莉亚正告诉我她有了很大进展- Right, Gloria? - I'm sorry, -对吧歌洛莉亚 -抱歉but there is a disturbing presence in this house 这幢房子里有很令人不安的灵体that I don't think that I can drive out. 我觉得我也驱逐不了Well, that is it for me. 那我肯定不买了Phil, please let me know 菲尔如果你有不闹鬼if you find something less haunted, 而且也离我的灵媒很近的房子still within walking distance to my psychic. 请你一定要告诉我We'll be right back. 我们马上回来Bo, you want some iced tea? 博你想喝冰茶吗That'd be great. Thank you. 那太好了谢谢No, you are not giving him iced tea. 不不准给他冰茶喝This is not a garden party. 这可不是花园派对But he did come all this way to make things right. 但他大老远来弥补错误And you know what, Cam? 你知道吗小卡Prison changes people. 监狱是会改变人的- Oh, does it? - Always in a good -是吗 -总是往好了改and permanent way. 永久性的改变I mean, look at him... 看看他啊No. Do not look at him. 不不要看他He is a siren. 他就是个男妖He draws you in with those big beautiful blue eyes, 他用那双美丽的大蓝眼勾引你and the next thing you know, you're giving him 等你反应过来你已经your great-grandfather's Civil War bayonet 把你曾祖父内战时期的刺刀给他了and he's selling it for Magic Beans. 而他拿去卖了买魔豆It's the brand of whiskey he drinks. 魔豆是他喝的威士忌牌子I just -- I think he deserves a second chance. 我认为该给他第二次机会Why do you suddenly care so much 你为什么突然在意起if Pam and Bo are back together? 帕姆和博能不能复合I'm a divorce lawyer, Cam. 我是个离婚律师小卡I see families torn apart all the time. 我总能看到家庭四分五裂The emotional cost is just too high. 人的感情那么受伤代价太高了The cost of everything is too high! 一切的代价都太高太贵了Look, Pam made her bed. 帕姆自己铺了床Now she needs to get out of it 现在需要她从床上下来so I can flip the mattress to make some money off of it. 我才能把床垫翻一下接着赚钱Sounded more pimpy than I intended. 我没想到听起来会这么像皮条客Maybe Pam doesn't want to live upstairs anymore. 或许帕姆不想在楼上住下去了Maybe she wants to go with him to Missouri. 或许她想跟他回密苏里Or maybe you don't want Pam to live upstairs 又或许是你不想让帕姆在楼上住下去了and you want her to go home to Missouri. 是你想让她跟他回密苏里I couldn't help but overhear, 我不小心听到你们说话since we're practically in the same room 因为我们就在同一间房间里and you ain't exactly whispering... 你们说话又很大声Can I say something on my behalf? 我能替自己说几句话吗No, you may not! 不不能Because if you cared about my sister, 因为如果你在乎我姐姐you would've been here the moment baby Calhoun was born! 小卡尔霍恩出生时你就会在这I know, but when I got out of jail 我知道但在我因为for punching that police horse, 打了警马服刑出狱后I discovered my truck had been towed. 我发现我的卡车被拖走了I had to sell my plasma for cash. 我不得不卖血浆换现金He thinks of others. Very noble. 他会替别人着想多高尚All I'm hearing is no car, no money, 我只听到了没车又没钱compromised immune system. 免疫系统低下What a great role model. 这模样真值得我们学习And yes, he could be a model, 是的他模样的确不错but I will not be distracted by those beautiful big blue eyes.但我是不会被那对美丽的蓝眼睛蛊惑的Cam, I get it, all right? 小卡我都懂I made a lot of mistakes. 我犯过很多错But like my plasma, 但就像我的血液一样I decided to "B-positive." 我要贯彻积极的B型阳性I hitchhiked, I took odd jobs, 我搭车我打奇怪的零工whatever I could do to get here. 为了到这来能做的我都做了I mean, Pam, our boy Calhoun, 帕姆我们的孩子卡尔霍恩they're my family. 他们是我的家人Hell, you're my family. 你也是我的家人Okay, I want to believe you, Bo, 我很想相信你博but, yeah, I just -- 但我...yeah, I've been burned too many times. 我被伤过太多次了About that... I got something to show you. 说到伤我有样东西想给你看看Old Stonewall Tucker 塔克石墙杰克逊将军would've wanted you to have this back. 会希望这东西能物归原主的Stonewall. 石墙将军I'm guessing his statue's no longer in the park. 希望不是从人家雕像手里偷的- I thought you sold this. - Welp, that was the old Bo. -你不是卖了吗 -那是过去的博The new Bo saved up and bought it back for you. 全新的博攒钱买回来还给你- See? - Believe me, -你瞧 -相信我I'm trying to do the right thing. 我只想弥补过错Bo... 博What the hell is he doing here?! 他怎么会在这Now, Pameron, 帕梅隆Bo came back for you and baby Calhoun! 博是来重新争取你和小卡尔霍恩的Yeah, just-just give him a chance, okay? 是的给他个机会好吗Oh, my gosh. 我的天Is this him? 就是他吗Is-is that my boy? 那是我儿子吗No. This is my car and I have a little tiny driver. 不这是我的车我有个迷你小司机Of course it's him! 当然是他You stay away from us, 你别靠近我们- Beauregard Lavern Johnson! - Come on -- -博勒加德·拉维恩·约翰逊 -拜托And stop undressing me with your devil blue eyes! 也别再用你致命的蓝眼睛视奸我Okay, You know what? I'll-I'll go -- 这样吧我去I'll go talk to her. 我去和她谈谈Hey, thank you for pleading my case back there with Cam. 谢谢你刚才在小卡面前维护我I can tell, you're good lawyer. 我看得出来你是个好律师And I can tell you are a good man. 我也看得出来你是个好人I am team Bo all the way. 我会一直支持你的All right, good. 那太好了'Cause I-I might need some legal counsel. 因为我可能需要一些法律建议See, I-I didn't buy that bayonet back, 那个刺刀不是我买回来的so much as I stole it. 是我偷回来的Oh, dear. 天啊Excuse me, everyone! 大家打扰一下Excuse me, everyone! 普利切特衣橱及百叶窗公司As founder of this company, 作为创始人which I built with my own sweat and tears, 我用血泪独自创立了这间公司I'd like to say a few words. 我想简单说几句Before going into the future, 在迈进未来前it's important we honor how we got here. 向我们的过去致敬是很重要的So I put together a little presentation. 所以我做了个小短片Dad, we're having ice cream. 爸我们在吃冰激凌They can lick and watch. 他们可以边舔边看Ponytail, lights. 马尾男关灯1946. 1946年An iron curtain was descending over Europe. 一幅横贯欧洲的铁幕正在落下An iron curtain was descending over Europe. 铁幕在冷战时用来形容欧洲的分裂But in Youngstown, Ohio, a child is born. 但在俄亥俄州的杨斯顿市一个孩子诞生了While young Jay Pritchett was superstar athlete, 虽然少年时期的杰·普里契特是个明星球员he was also an artist 但他还是个艺术家who dreamed of revolutionizing an industry -- 梦想要为某个业界带来革命性变化closets. 衣柜业He just couldn't let me have my day. 他就是不能让我当一天主角He had to make it all about him. 非得喧宾夺主It was disgusting. 真是太恶心了Although... 不过...the scene of him playing his father 他扮演自己父亲denying him a startup loan? 拒绝借他创业资金的那一幕Surprisingly powerful. 出人意料地动人心弦While America was doing the Hustle, 当全美忙着跳哈娑舞时Jay as hustling to build an empire, 杰也在"舞"力全开要建起商业帝国which is why one newspaper called him 这就是为什么有家报纸称他为"The hardest working man in closets." "柜界最努力之人"That was an ad. 那是他自己打的广告Who would've thought the company, 谁能料想到这家built by that little boy, 由那个男孩建起的公司would one day be the toast 有一天也能在of the international closet world? 国际衣柜界里成为业界楷模Congratulations. We did it. 恭喜大家我们做到了Margaret's mixing some drinks. 玛格丽特调了一些酒Enjoy the afternoon. 下午愉快-Nice! -Thank you. -赞啊 -谢谢Okay, Mrs. Graham's car is on its way! 格拉哈姆太太马上要走了You have five minutes to convince her 你只剩五分钟时间说服她that this house is fine! 这房子没问题Something's in this wall, Phil. 有东西在这墙里菲尔No, I am done with this nonsense! 不我已经听够这些鬼话了I can't believe I'm hearing this 真不敢相信这话居然from a person that believes in magic! 出自一个相信魔术[法]的人之口I'm not the one who told you this, 以后我不会承认我说过这话but magic isn't actually magic. 但魔术不是魔法That didn't come from your ear. 这不是真从你耳里拿出来的What? How? 什么怎么可能What? How? 什么怎么可能You're with them. 你也是他们的一员There is no "them," Gloria. 哪有什么"他们"啊歌洛莉亚Everybody says "What? How?" to that trick. 所有人对这个戏法都会说"什么怎么可能" That's how magic works. 这就是魔术的原理Things that seem supernatural 一些看起来超自然的事情actually have a perfectly logical explanation. 其实都有非常合理的解释This wall is warm, Phil. 这面墙是热的菲尔It's radiating evil. 正在散发出邪能It is not radiating evil -- 才没有散发出什么邪...Oh, that is warm. 的确是热的耶What was that? 这又是怎么回事- Faulty wiring, Phil?! - How dare you. -电路不行吗菲尔 -你好大胆子I would never sell a house with faulty wiring! 我才不会卖别人电路不行的房子呢You can hear that, right? 你也能听到对吧You made them angry. 你惹他们生气了I don't believe in any of this! 我才不信这一套But just in case... 以防万一...- What is this? Holy water? - ?No. -这是什么圣水吗 -不是Cucumber water. 黄瓜水You think this skin just happens? 你以为我这好皮肤是凭空来的吗Okay...okay. 好... 好吧The sellers are on their way home. 卖家很快要回家了Let's just put everything back the way we found it 我们就把东西物归原位and maybe swing by a church. 然后顺路去个教堂吧Come on! 挂上啊Oh, my God! 天啊Bees! ? 有蜜蜂Oh! Go! Go, go, go, go, go, go! 快跑快跑快跑啊Good news, Mrs. Graham, it's only bees! 好消息格拉哈姆太太原来只是蜜蜂I'll follow up with the escrow documents! 我会再跟进公证行的文件Congrats! Ow! 恭喜你了So, that was a fun movie, Dad. 很有意思的小电影啊老爸Kind of made it all about you, though. 虽然有一点喧宾夺主了Nonsense. Try a Jay-tini. 瞎说来一杯杰丁尼I'm good. 不用了Congratulations on the Expo, boss. 恭喜参展老板- Thanks. - Thanks. -谢谢 -谢谢I think that what's her name was talking to me. 我觉得那不知道啥名的女人是在对我说Oh? 是吗Oh, Margaret, what are my kids doing here? 玛格丽特我的孩子来这里做什么Oh, the kids have been using the company shipping. 这些孩子来用我们公司的货运They've been coming in for weeks. 已经好几周了I am so drunk. 我好醉啊Am I screaming? 我是不是在大声吼What do you two think you're doing? 你们俩个在搞什么鬼We just came to congratulate you 我们俩就是来恭喜你们on that thing that happened. 刚发生的那件事- Try again. - Fine. -再给你们一次机会 -好吧But there's no nice way to say this. 但这件事怎么说都有点怪I started a company 我开始了一家公司selling Alex's disgusting, smelly shoes 专门把艾丽克斯那些恶心臭烘烘的原味鞋to feet freaks. 卖给恋足变态们Wow, that is so gross! 这也太恶心了吧More like gutsy. 是很有胆识You got to get your hands dirty 要想白手起家一家公司to build a company from the ground up. 就要能不怕苦不怕累不怕脏I'm proud of you, Luke. 我为你感到骄傲卢克Uh, hold on. 等等It was my idea to start buying thrift-store shoes. 是我想到去旧货店买鞋I expanded the business and doubled our profits. 我扩大业务还让利润加倍You see what Alex did? 你看到艾丽克斯做的了吗She grew the business. 她让业务增长She took it to the next level. 把生意带到了更高的境界She was able to achieve what Luke couldn't 她做到了卢克尝试了许多年despite years of trying. 但一直都做不到的事It's really only been a few -- 其实也才几...You can't grow what doesn't exist! 没有根你怎么成长Okay. Well, they're on their thing now. 他们是在吵他们的事情了Just walk away. 我们赶紧走人Do you know how long I've been with this company? 你知道我陪伴了这公司多久吗Seven presidents. 美国换了7任总统And four popes. Yes, Dad, I saw the movie. 还有4任教皇是的我看了你那电影Couldn't you just let me have today? 你就不能让我今天威风一天吗- Why didn't you call me? - What are you talking about? -你为什么没打给我 -你说什么呢This morning. When you got the big news. 今天早上当你听到这大消息时I mean, am I not a part of this anymore? 我现在已经不是这公司的一部分了吗Is that what's going on here? 现在是这情况了吗I didn't call you 我没打给你because I was waiting for you to call me and say, 是因为我在等着你打给我祝贺我"Congratulations, you did it, honey." "恭喜啊你成功了乖女儿"Instead, I had to come here 结果我却得来这里and watch "Lawrence of A-Jay-bia." 看一部"杰拉伯的劳伦斯"全片有3个多小时《阿拉伯的劳伦斯》1962年上映的伟大电影- How else would anybody know I even existed? - What? -不然大家怎么会记得我的存在 -什么I spent my entire career trying to get in the Expo, 我整个职业生涯都在努力打进那展览会and you come in and get it done in 2 years. 你接掌公司两年内就做到了Come on, it goes without saying 别这样不用说也知道that this company would be nothing without you. 这间公司是因为有你才有今天No, it doesn't. 不不知道- Let me hear you say it. - Seriously? -我就要听到你说出来 -你认真的吗Yes. I want to hear it. 是的我要听Dad, if it weren't for you, 爸如果不是你we wouldn't be where we are today. 我们也不会有今天的成就All of your hard work 您所有的辛勤付出laid the foundation for our success. 为我们今日的成功打下了夯实的基础Now you. 换你了Well, if I say it, it'll sound a little conceited. 如果我这么说会显得太自大No, not about you! About me! 不是让你说自己是说我It's... 你...an unbelievable accomplishment. 达成了这令人难以置信的成就You've exceeded all my expectations, 你大大地超过我的期望which were ridiculously high to begin with. 而我的期望本来已经设得非常高了。

Excuse me, I'm so sorry.I never do this for celebrities.But are you by any chance the foxy momon the New Horizon realty ad.Am I gonna regret doing that?Did the marlboro man have any regrets?This ad is perfect.See, I'm not just selling houses,I'm selling myself,and the best part about me is my family.And my teeth.And both...are on display in this ad."I can't be satisfied until you're satisfied"?Coming soon to a bus bench near you,not to mention our minivan.So that's really happening?Wait. What's happening to our minivan?Having this bad boy shrink-wrapped on it.- Classy. - Yep.Now all that driving around your mom does will serve a purpose. Good morning, family.How are you all doing on this beautiful day?Okay. What's this?Haley's S.A.T. scores are available online.I hate you.Oh! ! Today's the big day.Let's take a look, see how she did.Do we really have to look at them now?Don't worry.We're not expecting any miracles.Thank you.Are those Haley's scores? Are you sure?Why? Are they bad?No, they're not bad.Are they good?No, they're average.Sweetie, we did it.Our baby's average.Medium five!This is just a fluke.She can take them again.Yeah, and she'll probably do even better.You are gonna have your choiceof some pretty good colleges when the time comes. If I go to college.What?I've been thinking about it lately,and I might...not.Later!Well, we took the scenic route,but we ended up in the same place.更多影视更新请登陆 更多影视更新请登陆 更多影视更新请登陆 更多影视更新请登陆 更多影视更新请登陆 更多影视更新请登陆 From Zimbabwe to AlgeriaCome on, let me hear yaThese are the countries, these are the countries Cam recently became Franklin middle school's interim musical director.Go, Franklin!I was volunteering for their spring musical festival when their regular directorsuddenly and mysteriously became ill.Oh, sorry.It may have been a blessing.Their show lacked focus.I gave it a theme --"A musical trip around the world."Yeah, see, he focused itby making it about the world.You don't like it.No -- Cam. I do.Do you -- do you think that the kids, though,are gonna be able to learn it by tonight?I mean, maybe you should stickwith something that they already know.I knew this would happen.Why do you have to throw a wet blanket on my dreams? - I do not. - You do it all the time.And you know what I end up with? Wet dreams.I heard it as soon as I said it. Just leave it alone.All right, well, Cam, it's just that sometimesyou can be a little, you know, overenthusiastic.Is it really that big of a dealthat I want this to be the best show in the world? Well, as long as you heard me.Be in my corner. Don't be so critical.We-- is that really how you see me?Sometimes, yeah, I do, Mitchell.Cam, well, if -- if that's true, then I'm -- I'm sorry. No, you know, okay, from now on,I am in your corner 100%.Yeah, that song is gonna knock everyone out.Well, I don't know, butwait till you see the dance I have prepared.A dance? A dance!More toast, Manny?Why won't you call me, Emma?More toast, Emma?Do you have to be on all the time?Okay, I'm sorry. Who is this Emma?She's in the show with me tonight.I'm thinking of taking a run at her.You don't "Take a run" at a woman.You woo her. You make her feel special.Hey, hon, take a look at this.It's a picture of my butt.And then when you get her,you can tell her whatever you want.Why do you do this?I programmed it so my butt pops upwhen my brother donnie calls.It's a clever way of saying my brother's an ass.Is it?That's him. Compose yourselves.Forget I showed you this picture.I'm trying.How you doing, you dumb son of a bitch?You old mick. Looks like you've put on a few pounds. Oh, you too.What, are you eating your hair?Oh, Gloria. Oh.What are you still doing here?There's got to be an easier way to get a green card. Hey, uncle Donnie,are you coming to my school concert tonight?- Well... - It's an hour, tops....wouldn't miss it.Hey, you know, I think I misplaced my phone. Could you call me on yours?My phone's at the bottom of my bag.Why don't you use your home phone?Oh, come on. It's simple.What are you doing?I want the phone.How about you let go, you --Give me the phone, Donnie!You still think you can take me?!What? Is this all you got, huh?I'm gonna wash your mouth out with fist.I don't understand this relationship, Emma. Hey, Emma.Doing this show, it feels likewe've become like a little family, huh?You mean like you're my brother?No. N-no, I don't.Oh, no!They're back -- dinosaur arms!This isn't a good time, Luke.That is hilarious.Half boy, half t-rex.One foot in both worlds,Wanted by neither.Luke, that's a great way to stretch out a shirt.Okay, okay! Break's over, everyone!Let's take it from the top.Listen, we're running 20 minutes long,So we're gonna go ahead and cut the Bollywood number. Can I go? I'm late for soccer practice.You know who else missed soccer practice, Delroy? The cast of "Rent." And now they have a Tony.The cast of "Rent." And now they have a Tony.We have a Tony.You are so funny.Seriously?Hello?Hey, honey. Did they drop the van off yet?Yeah, a little while ago.How's it look?Uh, well, believe it or not,I have resisted the temptation to look.This whole Haley thing has got me a little preoccupied. We're on our way out to lunch right now.About that, I've been thinking.College is still a ways away.I say we leave Haley alone.The more we push, the more she'll push back.I'm gonna push.And I support that.Only dad can make our minivan even lamer.Excuse me. What are you doing?I'm driving this thing to the reservoir.Just jump when I say jump.Honey, slide over.How is this stupid ad supposed to sell houses anyway? You heard your father.He's not just selling houses...He's selling us.What are my friends gonna think?They are gonna thinkthat you're helping your father put food on the table.- Ay, is the chair broken? - Almost.That cheap, freeloading brother of minecan't keep his hands off my good Scotch,So, you see, I placed that Scotch there.My brother sits in this chair, goes out from under him -- Bam! -- Masterpiece.So you make your brother fall and spill his drink? Well, I don't want to jinx it, but that's the plan.Why are you both so mean?Where I come from, brothers respect each other.That's why Colombia is such a peaceful utopia. Hello, ladies.Hey, nice shirt.Do they sell men's clothes where you got that?That's funny because women are so inferior.You got no taste.I bought this for Melanie's baptism.Who's Melanie?Michael's kid, my granddaughter.Oh, I forgot to tell Irene I landed safely.Hello?How could you not knowthat your own brother had a granddaughter?I probably knew.How can you forget when he's family?I have 29 cousins, and I know them all --Rosa Marina, Gloria Maria,- Veronica Maria, Jose Vicente - Okay, okay, okay. What's your point?You do the chair, you do the fighting,But you don't know each other.It's sad.Look, I may not talk to my brotherthe way you talk to your sisters,But believe me, we're close in our own way. When was the last time that you saw him?Well, that's not easy, 'cause he lives up...See, I want to say Buffalo.All I'm sayingis that there's no downside to more education.I knew this car ride was a trap.See that?That right there shows me just how smart you are. Really? Again?What is going on?It's the stupid ad.They're honking on my side, too.Yes, we're the people in the ad.Yeah. Hi.Another great thing about collegecomplete independence.I'd have that in an apartment.No, because to have an apartment, you would need a job. You want to know what your job is in college?It's a little bit of class and homework.And it's a whole lot of new friends.And experiences.And the boys think you're cute and you are cute,And, oh, trust me, that doesn't last forever.Call the number!All right!You in the mood to lose?First time for everything.You break.So, how's work?Don't worry, moneybags. I'm not here for a loan.Nice break.All right, you're solids,which you won't be able to eat in a few years. Right, right.Seriously, though, how are things going with you? Swell.I'm beating a fat guy at pool right now. Donnie, I'm trying to talk to you.Why?Why? 'cause that's what people do.Talk about things, like their lives.Oh, Irene opened her big trap.Look, I'm fine.It's not like I'm gonna die.What?Yeah, they caught it early.I took the treatment. I'm clear for now.Come on. It's your shot.Caught what early?Donnie, are you talking about...cancer?You don't have to whisper. I know I got it.You just get your prostate checked -- by a doctor, not some guy you met on the internet.I can't believe you didn't tell me this.Because it's not a big deal.Now, listen. It's just between us.Oh, god.Irene, how the hell do I know where your glasses are?And there's frisbee golf,And -- and you go snow-sledding on cafeteria trays.Oh, and you all get a dog together.I don't really know who takes care of the dog during the summer, but he's there when you get back.Geez, maybe you should just go back to college.Oh, honey, do you know what I would give to go back?It's this moment when your whole life is in front of you,and it's a magical time.You don't want to miss that,Because when it's gone, it's gone.Yeah, yeah.Come on, Alex. Bus is leaving.Dad, your phone's been buzzing like crazy.Sweet lorna doone!19 missed calls?I wonder who's --Phil Dunphy.You saw the ad?Great.Do you know what you're looking for?The little one?I think I know which one you're talking about.Um, if you're interested,I also have an older model with a lot of character.What?I think the carpet matches the drapes.I haven't checked in a while.Both of them?Wow.Well, I guess that makes sense if you're planning to flip one. Listen, um, why don't I call you back?We'll set up an appointment.It'll give me a chance to give them both a good scrubbing. All right.Thanks a lot.Bye-bye.How about that, huh?You think all these calls are about the ad?Yeah.My friend Nicole just sent me a picture of the van.I guess I'll be seeing you wednesdaysand every other weekend.Hello?Okay, um, you sound very angry,which is completely understandable.I'm not angry.I'm just sitting here thinking about collegeand how life has passed me by.Oh, thank god. I'll see you at the show.Love you. Bye. We got to go.And as the music swells,we reveal our lettersspelling "We love the world."Powerful stuff.And then the majestic Franklin middle school insigniawill drop into positionif Reuben ever finishes painting it.It's not the sistine chapel, Reuben.Surprise! Hey!Your supportive boyfriend dropped by to bring you a snack. P.B. And J.Pear, brie, and jambon. My favorite!Okay, people, let's take five.A true five.Hey, Manny. How's it going?Good, great, couldn't be better.Can we, uh...Yes, we can, uh -- all right.What's up?Okay, you got to talk to Cam.He's driving us crazy.Kevin is biting his nails again,And Reuben hasn't had a bowel movement in a week.Don't laugh. That's how Elvis died.All right, um, Manny,I-I can't get involved.But, all right, if you have to say something,just tell Bob Fussy that he's overdoing itand you want to go back to your old stuff.Okay, break's over, people!I want to do the french revolution number again.Let's bring out the guillotine.Carefully this time.No, no, no.Excuse me?We don't want to do the new stuff.We want to stop rehearsingand go back to the old way, Bob Fussy.I-I don't know where this is coming from.You all feel this way?Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.Well, I had no idea.I had no idea I was surrounded by a bunch of quitters. This production was a jokeuntil I introduced these childrento the musical-theater greats --Bernstein, Sondheim.Years from now, some of these kidswill still be talking about the way I sondheim-ized them. Ooh, I'm don't think that's a good way of saying -- okay.You want to do it the old waywith the same tired songs, the same drab choreography, the same tepid applause from mom and dad?Is that what you want? Just say the word.That's what we want. Yes. Yes.Well, too bad, people!We're doing it my way! From the top!This is a closed rehearsal. March.Hi, honey. What are you doing out here?Oh, just waiting for you 'cause I love you.Haley, come out this side.Why?'Cause it's fun. Try it.Yeah, the doors slide, the seats slide.What can't the sienna do?That was fun.Right? Let's go see a show!Sweetie, we need to close the door.Yeah, with the key.I like to see how far I can get from the carand still make it work.Listen, honey, honey.- Yeah? - Let me ask you something.Okay, I need you to be really honest with me. Yeah, you ca-- yes.Are my best years behind me?What?No.The trick is to keep looking forward.Here we go.Really?Yes, yes, for sure.You feel good?Yeah, I...Hello, and welcome, everyone.And latecomers.I hope you enjoy the show tonight.I think you will agree it has a certain flairthat has been lacking from this stage in years past. So, please, I invite you to sit back, relax,and enjoy this musical trip around the world! Wow.Growing up in America sure is great,but I wish I knew more about the world.Me too.I think I've got an idea.See you later, friend.Where are you going?To see the world!China looks interesting.I think I'll land here.Bring him down!Bring him down!Just go with it. Go with it.Oh. Hey. Come on.Geez, come on,Jay. You're in the theater.Try your jacket pocket.Sorry, folks.Nice. He taped it shut.Okay, that's enough.Ay! Stupid! You too!Don't hit him. He has cancer. What --Oh, my god, is Luke stuck up there? Phil?Come on.Yeah.Ye-- oh, no.Come on!China sure was fun.and look, there's merry old England. Has anyone here ever seen a globe? Full steam ahead!Ahead!Just sing.Oh, joy to salt-swept eyesFair England, do I seeSorry about what I said to Gloria, okay? Just came out.Let's go back inside.- Hit me. - What?You heard me. Hit me.I'm not gonna hit you, Donnie.Yeah, well, that's the whole damn point.As soon as you heard I was sick,you treated me different.Let me tell you, I get enough of that at home. I'm sorry.I feel a little bad for you, okay?I know we don't say this much, but, uh...I care for you, you know?Do you think I don't know that crap?I have known you cared about mesince we were 8 and 10 years oldand that mook Joey Calieri stole my bike and you put his head in the ice.What was that he said again?Um, "I can't hear no more.""I can't hear no more!"oh, Don.Your stage is all over the place.The kids are exhausted.You're making all about you.No intermission.What, are we animals?I --I'm gonna be fine.I got great doctors.The kids call me every day.Irene even lost 20 pounds due to stress.Good for you.You promise me you'll get that liver checked out.Ah, there's nothing wrong--Come on, Donna. Suck it up.We're missing my kid's show.You son of a bitch.Come on. Come on."I can't hear no more!"Okay, all right.That one was my fault,But Joan of Arc's gonna be just fine.It's not gonna be much fun doing the show without Emma. Maybe we should just stop this.No. No. There is a saying in the theater world that --"It's not worth dying for"?No, it's that "Endings make shows."And we've got a great ending.Now get out there and sing your hearts out.Oh, not you, sweetie. You just mouth the words. Okay.Uncle Cam, both my legs are tingly.Okay, we'll cut you down in just a second, Luke, okay? The show must go on. Have fun with it.Learning about the world sure was fun.But I'm glad to have my feet back on the ground again. Oh, Egypt is a land where the pyramids standWhich were built by industrious jewsAnd windmills go around in Holland townWhere they all wear wooden shoesThese are the things we learned todayAnd there's one last thing we want to say"We love the word"Where's the "L"?That's luke.Lower the insignia.Lower it.Lower it."We love the --"What the hell?No, no, no. No, no.No, no, no.No. No, no, no. No.Brava!Phil, where have you been?Oh, just getting some fresh air.- Honey. - Got it.Ready to go? Hey, look up at the moon.Would you say that's waxing or waning?Who cares? We can spend all night looking --"I can't be satisfied"?!My God, Phil.That makes me look like a prostitute.No.Yes. Yes, it does.More of an escort, really.You're just selling your time.- Whereas a prostitute just-- - Okay, Phil.I have been driving around in this all day.Well, since you're mad already,why don't you just step over hereand have a look at that?Oh, God. My baby.I am not getting back in that car!Oh, how do you think you're gonna get home, honey? It doesn't matter! I'll go home with anyone!That's what it should say on the van.Alex.I can't believe we trusted youto put this on the carafter the debacle of that last picture.Damn it.And that -- who was that?Probably another...I think the word you're looking for is "John."Get in the minivan.You mean to tell me thatpeople have actually been calling about this?There are a lot of creeps out there.That's disgusting. She's a child.Well, to be fair, most of them were for you.Well, it's still sick.What do you mean, "Most"?Well, I don't know. There were 30 calls.You got 20 or 25 of them.And they...ask for me?They asked for the hot blonde.Hmm. Men are pigs.Did they call me anything else?So, thanks to all the perverts in town,I realized I still have a few good years ahead of me. And if we have one person to thank for that,It would be me.No.Was it as awful as I think?Take the flowers.It must have been really hard for you to be supportive while I made a fool out of myself.Oh, come here.Luke, do you mind?We're trying to have a moment here.I can feel my heartbeat in my eyes. - In his eyes? - Yes.Okay. We'll get a janitor.Okay.。

Oh, great. we've got the Prius that can 真不错我们买了辆make dinner reservations, buy movie tickets, 能预订餐厅买电影票tell us the weather. 预报天气的普锐斯I just want one that opens. 我只想要一辆能打得开门的Maybe we should've got that one. 也许我们该买那辆Mitchell! 米奇尔Oh, oh, my God! Teddy! 天哪泰迪Cam, this is Teddy. 小卡这是泰迪Teddy, Teddy, Teddy. 泰迪泰迪泰迪Doc--doctor Teddy! 医生泰迪医生Teddy was Mitch's one significant 泰迪是米奇在我之前的boyfriend before me. 一个比较重要的男友Uh, Mitch had recently just come out. 那时米奇刚出柜And as he put it, 就如他自己说的it was hard to love someone else 如果他不爱自己if he couldn't love himself. 就很难爱上别人I actually said those words? 我说过那种话吗Ugh. It's kind of hard to love myself right now. 现在倒是很难爱上我自己了You were the one who said, "I need some time. 那时是你说 "我需要点时间I'll call you when I heal more." 再疗疗伤以后我会打给你"Ten years later... 这都过去十年了I never said that. 我从没那么说过Time to heal more! That's so sweet and sensitive. 需要时间疗伤真是甜蜜又敏感啊Why did you kill that part of yourself? 你为什么要扼杀掉这种天性You know, I'm hosting a fund-raiser 我这周末会在南大街的旱冰场for the hospital this weekend 为医院主持at that roller rink on south main. 一个募捐集会Any chance you guys can come? 你们能来吗- Yeah. Absolutely. - Possibly. -当然 -可能吧- We'll be there. - Okay. -我们一定去 -好吧Great. So 4:00 Saturday. 太好了周六四点见I'm so glad I bumped into y'all. 碰到你俩真高兴Us, too. Say bye, Lily! 我们也是说再见莉莉Bye, Lily. 再见莉莉I taught her that, so... 我教她的- Bye, Lily. - Bye. Bye, Teddy. -再见莉莉 -再见泰迪Oh, my gosh, he's great! 天哪他人真不错You're okay making plans with my ex-boyfriend? 跟我前男友共度周末你不介意吗Um, yes. It's been a hundred years. 不介意都过去那么久了Plus, this is one of the many benefits of being gay. 而且这也是当基佬的众多好处之一We can be friends with our exes 我们能跟前任做朋友without all the petty jealousy 而不像直男直女们那样straight people go through. 饱受妒火的煎熬Well, I guess I am friends with Pepper, so... 我跟胡娇算是朋友所以I went on one date with Pepper. One. 我只跟胡娇约会过一次就一次When are you gonna stop bringing it up? 你什么时候才能不提这茬When you stop reacting like that. 你反应不这么激烈的时候Daddy loves Pepper. 爸爸爱胡娇I taught her that. 我教她的That's private. 那是隐私Oh, sorry. But why do you have all of our names down on a list? 抱歉但为什么上面列了我们的名字It's for my school essay-- 为了写作文pick a hero in your family 要求是在家人中选一个英雄and write about why you've chosen him or her. 并写出你为什么选择他You're still in the running, 你还是有希望入选的But I'm not loving that you're drinking wine 但我不喜欢你照看我弟弟时while watching my brother. 喝葡萄酒Well, it was from an open bottle of white in your fridge, so... 是你家冰箱里有一瓶打开的白干It's about judgment, Claire. 这事关判断力克莱尔It's not the 70's. We know better. 现在不是70年代了动点脑子There was lipstick on the bottle. 瓶子上有口红印There are my babies! 我的宝贝们- How was dinner? - Perfect. -晚餐怎么样 -非常完美I had a steak, I had some ice cream, 我吃了一份牛排还有一些冰淇淋Gloria found a hair in her fish, 歌洛莉亚在她的鱼里发现了一根头发and it didn't cost us a penny! 结果餐厅给我们免单了It might have been my own hair, 也可能是我自己的头发but Jay was so happy that I didn't say anything. 但我什么也没说让杰很高兴What? 什么Honey, you got a second before you go? 乖女儿你走之前能跟你说句话吗I wanna talk to you about something. 我想跟你说点事All right. Why is she smiling at me like that? 好吧她为什么那样对我笑It's good news. 是个好消息Okay. 好吧You remember Bob from my office? 你记得我办公室的鲍勃吗Yeah, uncle Bob. The one who did the trick 记得啊鲍勃叔叔他变魔术where he pulled a quarter out of my ear. 从我的耳朵里拿出一枚25分硬币He learned another trick. 他后来又学了个魔术He pulled 50 grand out of our pension fund. 从我们的养老金里拿走了五万美元Oh. I fired him. 我把他炒了But the worst part is, 但最糟糕的是I was grooming him to take over the company. 我当时正培养他接管公司But there's an upside. 但这事也有好的一面He wants you to work for him. 他想让你为他工作I know it's just a job right now, 我知道现在只是普通工作而已but you know that he has this thing going on in his chest,但你知道他胸腔里不知得了什么毛病so you never know where 所以说不准什么时候you're going to end up, Claire. 你就上位了克莱尔Gloria. Gloria, it's a cold. 歌洛莉亚我只是感冒而已Anyway, look, 总之听着I know you've been wanting to get back out there, 我知道你一直想回归职场and I always kind of thought that if you did go back to work, 而我总是觉得你要是重新开始工作you'd come back to work with me. 就该来跟我一块儿干I-I worked there for half a summer 20 years ago. 我20年前在那里工作过半个暑假而已And it-- it was terrific, honey. 那时你干得非常棒乖女儿Listen, obviously, we'll start you out slow. 听我说显然我们会慢慢培养你We'll give you time to re-learn about the place, 给你时间去重新了解这个公司and then maybe move you up. You know, you do know a guy. 然后再提拔你你是认识个关键人物的He means him! 他说的是他It's a wonderful opportunity, dad. Thanks. 这机会太棒了老爸谢谢Could I--could I think about it, 我能我能考虑一下- talk to Phil? - Oh, sure. -问问菲尔的意见吗 -当然- I'll call you tomorrow. - All right. All right. All right. -我明天再打给你 -好好好- Where's my boy? Give me my boy. - Here's your man. -我儿子呢还我儿子 -儿子还你Here's your little man. Oh, love him. 小家伙还给你真爱他What did I say about these flowered blankets for him? 关于这种花毯子我是怎么说的He's starting to take after Hugh Hef-nerd over there. 把他扮得越来越像那位纨绔子弟了Very amusing, Jay. 非常好笑杰Let me just get your name down here. 就让我把你的名字从这里划掉吧Another brochure from a community college. 又是社区大学寄来的宣传册You know, I bet mom is having them send these. 我赌这些都是老妈让他们寄来的Really? You don't think they've targeted you 是吗你不觉得他们已经将你as a must-have recruit? 锁定为必须招收的对象了吗At least this one doesn't have that fakey lunchtime shot 至少这一份没有矫揉造作的of the black guy, asian girl, and an indian-- 黑人亚裔妞儿印度人一起吃午餐的照片Oh, wait! There it is. 等一下在这儿呢Wow, that wheelchair kid is really cracking everybody up. 那坐轮椅的孩子把其他人都逗乐了girls, your mom's on her way home with dinner! 闺女们你们的妈妈就要带晚餐回来了I never got this. 就当我从没收到过这个If he sees it, we'll have to talk about it. 要是被他看见又要找我谈话了What? 什么事What what? 什么什么事If grandpa calls, I'm not home. 如果你们姥爷打电话来就说我不在家what happened? 怎么了He wants me to work for him. 他想让我为他工作Like, groom me to take over or something. 培养我接管他的生意什么的I don't know how I'm gonna say no. 我不知道该怎么拒绝Why would you say no? 你为什么要拒绝I thought you were looking for something. 你不是正要找工作吗We could use the money, too, 而且我们也能增加收入啊especially if Haley decides to go back to school. 尤其是万一海莉决定回去念书的话Oh, is she still throwing out those college brochures? 她还是把那些学校的宣传册都扔掉吗Just tossed one now. 刚才还扔了一份Who does she think empties the trash? 她以为是谁在负责倒垃圾啊You know what really sucks? 知道最惨的是什么吗That job could be great. 那份工作本来挺不错的But my dad is a terrible boss. He is so mean. 但我爸是个糟糕的老板他太刻薄了"Princess, coffeepot's not gonna wash itself." 大小姐咖啡壶是不会给自己洗澡的That's where you got that? 原来你是从他那里学的I said it to you one time. 我就跟你说过一次Well, you just gotta tell him straight up, man to man. 那你直接告诉他好了开诚布公Woman to man. You're very shapely. 开诚布母你是非常有个性的I know. I will. 我知道我会说的It's just I hate it so much. 我只是非常讨厌那种感觉The--the four big times that I disappointed him, 我让他非常失望的那四次it devastated me. 让我很难受I mean, the first time, I cut off all my hair. 第一次是我剪短了我的头发I went to college out of state. 我上了别的州的大学I crashed his vintage jag into a wall. 我把他的复古赛车撞到了墙上That's only three. 才三次啊Kids, dinner! 孩子们吃饭了Oh, loving this already. 已经开始爱上这个了If no one gets a concussion, 如果没人摔成脑震荡的话we're totally coming back. 我们一定会再来的So listen, if at any point you're not okay 听着如果你觉得看到我和泰迪在一起with seeing me and Teddy together, 有什么不适应的感觉just please let me know, and we can go. 就直接告诉我我们可以走的Oh, well, thank you. And if at any point 好的谢谢你如果你觉得you're not okay with me being so okay with it, 我对这事这么适应会让你有些不适应的话you let me know. 你也要告诉我Teddy! Teddy! Hey! 泰迪泰迪你好Aw, look at you! 看看你This shirt is fantastic. You're adorable. 这件衬衫太美了你真可爱You're adorable! 你更可爱Oh, I think somebody has a crush! 我觉得有人被迷住喽Thank you so much for having us. 非常感谢你请我们来I don't know which one of my girls is more excited. 我都分不出我的两个妞儿谁更兴奋了okay. Come on, let's get you some skates. 好了过来我们给你找双旱冰鞋I want Teddy to come. 我想让泰迪一起来Oh, honey, I-I'm sure Teddy has other things-- 亲爱的我想泰迪一定还有别的事No, no! You guys go! Catch up. 没关系你们去吧小聚一下- I'll lace up. - Okay. -我先穿鞋 -好的Okay, ready? 可以走了吗- Have fun, okay! - Hey, uncle Cam! -玩开心点 -小卡舅舅Oh, my gosh! Hey! What's--what's going on? 我的天怎么回事What--what are you guys doing here? 你们怎么会在这里- Teddy invited us. - You guys know Teddy. -泰迪邀请我们来的 -你们认识泰迪- Yeah, totally. - Yeah, Teddy's great. -那是当然 -没错泰迪棒极了Heads up, amateurs! 注意了业余爱好者们It's time to rock 'n' roll! Do you get it? 摇滚时间到你们听到了没Cam, what are you doing here? 小卡你在这里做什么Oh, hell, it's dad. 见鬼爸爸来了Whose dad? Not your dad. 谁爸爸不是你爸爸吧I have been avoiding his calls all day. 我一整天都没接他的电话Quick, Phil, slingshot me. All right. 快菲尔把我推远点走你Oh. Limbo skate, kids. 孩子们林波舞滑法[后仰从横杆下穿过]How low can you go? 你的身段能放多低I'm at a roller rink with my family 周六晚上我居然和家人在on a Saturday night. I win. 旱冰场玩还能更低吗I have got to get a photo of Lily. 我得给莉莉照张相Teddy's making her giggle so hard. 泰迪把她逗得前仰后合的Oh, well, everybody loves... Teddy, so... 人人都爱...泰迪But you'll let me know if you're not okay. 但你要是介意的话就告诉我Mitchell, do you know your entire family's here, 米奇尔你知道你全家人都被你前男友invited by your ex-boyfriend? 邀请来了吗Phil and Claire, Jay and Gloria, 菲尔和克莱尔杰和歌洛莉亚your cousin Pete. 还有你堂兄皮特C--it's a-- it's a fund-raiser, all right? 小卡这是场募捐活动好吗I'm sure he just invited everyone on his contact list. 我想他一定是把自己所有联系人都请来了Oh, well, that makes sense. 那倒是能说得通Yes, of course it does. 当然说得通and... I'm flattered. 还有我受宠若惊Why are you flattered? 为什么你会受宠若惊- You know. - I don't. -你懂的啦 -我不懂You do! 你懂I really don't! 我真不懂Gloria, throw on those skates and take a whirl with me. 歌洛莉亚穿上溜冰鞋跟我去冰上旋转Oh, I totally would, 我非常想去but I'm taking care of Lily and she doesn't want to. 但我在照顾莉莉她不想滑冰Oh. Yes, I do. 我想滑No, you don't. You told me before. 不你不想你告诉过我的You don't remember? Why would I lie? 你不记得了吗我怎么会撒谎呢Gloria. 歌洛莉亚You don't know how to roller-skate. 你不会滑旱冰Of course I do. I know how to do everything. 我当然会了我没什么不会的I can't lie to that face. 对着你我真是撒不了谎It's a good thing that we're not married. 没嫁给你真是件好事Well, I don't... 我不...I can't skate. I am an elegant woman. 我不会滑冰我是个优雅的女子That means that I never do 这意味着我永远也不去做the few things that I don't really do that good. 那少数几件我做得不太完美的事情But I'm a natural teacher. 可我是一名天生的滑冰老师But I'm going to look stupid. 但我会看起来很蠢Gloria... 歌洛莉亚Trust me. 相信我As long as you're standing next to me, 只要站在我身边you will not look stupid. 你就不会看起来很蠢Oh, thank god! There is no place to sit. 太好了都没地方坐了Always room at my table for my darling nieces. 我总会给亲爱的侄女们留位置的Uhh... You beat us to it. 被你们先抢了We were gonna ask this kid if we could share. 我们正准备问这小孩能不能一起坐呢Well, he was just leaving. 他就要走了Yeah, you can totally sit with us. 你们完全可以过来一起坐You know, I debated even putting you two on here. 我当时甚至不想把你们两个写进名单Whoa, fancy. 漂亮哦Yeah, I know. Well, I did used to work here. 我知道我可是曾在这里工作过的W-w-wait. You're the Claire from the bathroom? 等等你是厕所墙上照片里那个克莱尔Oh, is it still here? 那照片还在呢Y-yeah... oh... 是的Oh! Hey! Look at you two catching up 看看你俩多年未见- after all these years. - Well, it hasn't been that long. -聊得真欢乐 -没那么久It's been like a month since you came by 也就一个月前艾丽克斯得了流感- when Alex had the flu, right? - Oh, no kidding! -他还来过呢对吧 -没开玩笑吧Well, I do get a home-cooked meal out of it. 我还在她家吃了顿家常饭呢Plus I owe these guys. 而且我欠他们个人情Phil helped me buy my last two houses. 我最近两次买房菲尔帮了不少忙Oh. So good. Such great stories. 真棒多好的一段故事- Yeah. - Hey, you! -是啊 -叫你呢You owe me a phone call! 你怎么不给我回电话I know! I'm gonna call you! 我知道我会打给你的Hey! Teddy's here, huh? 泰迪在这里Hey, you deadbeat, you owe me 50 bucks for the golf. 你个赖账的打高尔夫还欠我50呢Well, maybe I'll slip it to you during your next prostate exam.等你下次前列腺检查时我再塞给你I'll bet you're counting the days, you perv. 我打赌你就盼着那天了小色鬼Oh. So funny. 真有趣啊You and Jay really seem to have a thing, don't ya? 你和杰还真有话说呀是吧And Gloria--what's the nature of your relationship with her? 你和歌洛莉亚关系怎么样Well, actually, we just met tonight. 事实上我们今晚第一次见面You know, I'm not so sure she likes me. 我不是很确定她喜不喜欢我Really? 真的吗Uh, well, I mean, she just takes a little time to warm up. 我是说她需要点时间才能熟络Oh, thanks. And thank you, again, for coming tonight. 谢谢也谢谢你今晚能过来With the money we raised, we'll be able 利用筹集的这些钱我们可以to inoculate over 4,000 needy kids 给四千多个有需要的孩子接种疫苗against some truly awful diseases. 抵御一些非常可怕的疾病And how well do you know Luke? 你跟卢克关系怎么样I love that movie, too! 我也喜欢那部电影Yeah, that cool fight scene on that skyscraper in Shanghai--在上海摩天大楼上的那场打斗戏太帅了It really made me want to go to Japan. 让我好想去日本Why? Shanghai's in China. 为什么上海在中国I'm just saying, you don't want to fly to Japan, 我是说你可不想飞到日本get in a cab and say, "Take me to downtown Shanghai." 然后打车说 "送我去上海市中心" It's a pretty expensive ride. 那可太贵了Uh, um, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. 我要去趟厕所Come with me. 跟我一起去Be right back, guys. 马上回来哦帅哥们Uh, what do you think you're doing out there? 你在干什么- I'm flirting. - That's what I was afraid of. -我在勾搭啊 -这就是我担心的Look, I'm not gonna pretend I'm stupid 我可不会为了让一个男生喜欢我- just so a boy will like me. - Of course not. -就故意装傻 -当然不But you don't have to put the poor guy to shame. 但你不一定要贬低那可怜的男孩Flirting with boys is about increasing your value, 勾搭男人是要增加你自己的魅力not decreasing theirs. 不是去打压他们That's a complicated thought. What magazine taught you that? 真是复杂你在哪本杂志里学到的You're doing it again! The mean thing. 你又来了又贬低他人Can you even hear it or what?! 你自己有没有意识到啊- I heard it. - Good. -我意识到了 -好So now that he knows that you're smart, 现在他知道你很聪明了let's work on being nice. 我们来试着表现得温柔些- Wanna ditch the hoodie? - No. -把帽衫脱掉好吗 -不That's all good. It's a process. 没事没事慢慢来Man, tough finding a hero in this family, huh? 哥们在这家里想找出个英雄很难吧You know, I've got problems of my own. 我自己也有很多麻烦事I can't always be the lovable sidekick on "The Manny show." 不可能总是配合你演出Did you even notice I'm binge-eating? 你难道没有发现我在暴饮暴食吗Whoa. You're really going through something. 看来你真的有心事Wanna talk about it? 想谈谈吗Not even a little bit. 一点也不想And don't go hounding me like you always do. 也别像往常一样烦我Well, thanks for restoring my faith in this family. 多谢你重建我对这个家庭的信心Too bad I'm not related to Teddy. 我要是泰迪的亲戚就好了- He seems terrific. - Doesn't he, though? -他这人似乎很棒 -可不是吗Knees bent. 屈膝Arms loose. Chin up. 放松手臂挺胸Butt out. 提臀Ay, no, Phil. This is too much. 我不行了菲尔太难了No, just remember, "Kbalcubo." 记住口诀 "屈松挺提"K-b-a-l-c-u-b-o. 屈松挺提"Koala bears always lose cherries under big overpasses." 就是"屈膝放松手臂挺胸提臀" Ay, no! How am I gonna remember all that?! 这么长我怎么记得住啊I gotcha. 我扶住你了Ay, Teddy... Teddy, you're amazing! 泰迪你真帅呆了Thank you for saving me! 谢谢你救了我Let me get in there, boys. Excuse me. 小子让一让让我来一拳Boom! 走你Okay! 好啦Okay, clearly it's time to talk. 好啦是时候聊聊了All right, Cam, Cam, you're obviously upset. 小卡你显然是生气了But trust me--there are no lingering feelings 但你要相信我我和泰迪绝对没有between me and teddy. 藕断丝连I don't care about you and Teddy. 我才不在乎你和泰迪的事I don't like what's lingering between him and your family. 我是不喜欢他和你们家人藕断丝连- What? - Mitchell, look around. -什么 -米奇尔你看看Your family is cheating on me with your ex-boyfriend. 你家人都在背叛我和你的前男友厮混Cheating--okay, yes. Th-there is a bit more contact 背叛好吧他们的关系确实between them than I realized, but-- 比我知道的要更亲密一点但是Oh, o-oh, yeah. Now this is where we make Cam 是嘛你又要怪我太敏感the over-sensitive drama queen. 怪我小题大做了God forbid we take any action to make things right for me. 就是不能为了我做出些改变Well, okay, okay. Okay, what do you want me to do? 好好好那你想要我怎么做Would you like me to ask them to break up with Teddy? 要我叫他们跟泰迪分手吗Is that what you're asking? 你是想让我这么做吗Of course not. I would never ask that. 当然不是我绝不会提那种要求- That would be insane. - Well, good. -那样太神经了 -那就好It would be as insane for me to ask that 我如果那样要求就太神经了as it would be sane for you to offer it. 但你主动提出来就非常识趣So that is what you're asking. 所以你就是要我那么做No, that's what I'm not asking. 不我才没要你那么做But if you decide to do it, I want it to come from you, 但如果你要那么做我希望你是自愿的Not me, 而不是我逼你的because I'm clearly not asking for it. 因为我显然没有那样要求你- Okay, this is nuts. - Is it? -好吧真是无理取闹 -是吗I worked my fingers to the bone 我千方百计辛辛苦苦to get these jumpy protestants to love me, 讨你家的老顽固们的欢心and now I find out they're holding a torch 现在却发现他们和你的前男友for the man who came before me? 打得火热不可开交It's not nuts. It's actually quite painful. 我不是无理取闹我很痛心Excuse me, sir? You just won a prize 先生打扰一下您得奖了for setting a rink record on the boxing machine. 您刚刚在拳击游戏机上创造了新记录If you wouldn't mind taking a picture 可以给您照张相for our wall of fame? 贴在我们的光荣榜上吗Oh, yeah, sure. Absolutely. Just one second. 当然可以我一会儿就来That's exciting. 开心吧Mitchell, I know you'll do what's right. 米奇尔我知道你会做正确的事Unless you like seeing me humiliated. 除非你喜欢看着我丢人现眼Thank you. 谢谢Everybody was staring, Phil. 菲尔大家都在盯着我Well, what if we practice outside where no one can see us?要不我们到外面没人能看见的地方练习Ay, and now I have the nervous burps! 我都紧张得打嗝了Oh... Claire. 克莱尔Dad? Wh-what are you doing out here? 爸你在这儿干嘛Apparently this is the only way we'll get to talk tonight. 显然这是今晚找你聊聊的唯一办法About this job. 关于工作的事Hey, guys. 同志们This sounds really important, dad. Hang on. 好像有要紧事爸等会儿聊Go ahead, Mitchell. 米奇尔你继续Okay, so listen. This is coming from me. 听我说这是我本人的想法No one else. But I need you to do something, 没人逼我我需要你们帮个忙- And I don't want you to give me any flack. - Oh, jeez. -而且我不想你们吐槽我 -老天爷That's flack. I-I think it's a little weird 这就是在吐槽我觉得你们how you all still hang out with Teddy so much... 还和泰迪那么亲近很奇怪Told you. 我早说嘛And I think it'd be appropriate if maybe you all, 我觉得你们以后最好还是you know, stopped seeing him. 别再跟他来往了This is coming from Cam, isn't it? 这话是小卡让你说的对吧No, it's not. 不不是Wait a second. 慢着Cam doesn't think we can love him and Teddy at the same time?小卡觉得我们不能同时喜欢他和泰迪吗And you just sold Cam out like that? 而且你就这么出卖了小卡Wait. What is that? 等等那是什么I'll tell you what it is. It's sad. 我告诉你是什么是悲剧Hey, skaters! Not an emergency, 各位顾客请别慌张but we do have a small fire in the snack bar. 我们的小吃店发生了小火灾We'd like everyone to calmly file outside. Thanks. 请大家有秩序地离开现场谢谢Okay, everyone, the exit's over here. 各位出口在这边Come this way, please. 大家往这边走Hey, this way, to the exit. 走这边出来吧All right, everybody over here. 来吧大家快从这边出来- Come on. - You guys, just do this for me. -快啊 -你们帮帮我吧But... he's all the way over there. 可是他离我们那么远There's no hurry. 这是70年的木质房We're in a wooden box built in 1970. 再磨叽就等着烧死吧- Let's go! - Oh--all right, let's go. -快走吧 -好走吧Okay, thank you. That's very nice. 谢谢你们你们真"好"Okay. Sweet of you. 真是太"贴心"了Hey, skaters, good news! 各位好消息Fire's out! 火已经被扑灭了Sorry for the scare. 抱歉让你们受惊了All right--all right, before you get upset, 好啦好啦先别生气this was just about convenience. 这只是因为那边比较方便Was it? 是吗Or was it a perfect metaphor? 还是在暗中向我表态Congratulations, Mitchell. 米奇尔恭喜你This is the saddest I've ever been in roller skates. 这是我溜过最难过的一次旱冰Okay, be careful. 小心点I don't want to get hurt, okay? 我不想受伤- No one's gonna get hurt. - Hold on! -没人会受伤的 -抓紧我Aah! That hurts! 疼死我了Okay, if we could just... 我们能不能Son of a Mitchell! 我了个去的Do not worry one bit. 一点也别担心You are gettin' it! 你就快学会了Let's get away from the cars, huh? 我们还是离车远点行不Disgusting. 脏死了Claire Pritchett? 克莱尔·普里契特- Jeff? - No way! -杰夫 -真的是你I haven't seen you since you worked here. 你从这里辞职后我就再没见过你Oh, wow! You... you still do. 你还在这工作啊Yeah, do what you love, 是的做自己喜欢的工作- you never work a day in your life, right? - Right. -一辈子都不用工作对吧 -对This is perfect. 碰到你太好了Some civilian just yakked in the rink. 刚才有个人在溜冰场上吐了Can you take over for a minute? 你能不能帮我照看一下柜台Um... no. 不能Ah, it's kind of where I make most of my money. 这是我赚钱最多的地方You know, I hate to shut it down. 我不想把它关了Ah, I got a girl pregnant. It's a whole thing. 我把一姑娘肚子搞大了这事说来话长- All right. I'll do it for a minute, sure. - Great. -好吧我暂时照看一下 -太好了- Thank you. Thank you. - Okay. -太谢谢你了 -行了- Oh, hey... - Yeah? -对了 -什么事I still think about that kiss. 我还在回味那个吻Oh, god. 杀了我吧Gross. 太恶心了Mom, I threw up. 妈妈我刚刚吐了Oh, honey, that was you? You're gonna be okay. 亲爱的那人是你啊你会没事的Let me get you something for your tummy. 我来找点东西安抚一下你的肚肚I'm just so stressed out. 我压力太大了You know that hero essay I have to write? 你知道我要写的那篇英雄的作文吗Well, dad kind of assumed I wrote it about him... 爸爸想当然地以为我写的是他But I didn't. 但我没写他And now he wants to read it, 他现在要读我的作文and I don't know what to do. 我不知道该怎么办Don't worry about your father. I am sure he'll understand. 别担心你爸我相信他会理解的Claire, I need some ice for Cameron. 克莱尔我来给卡梅隆拿点冰块And we have to talk about the job. 还有我们得谈谈工作的事情Unless you've taken back this one. 除非你决定回到这里工作了Dad, I'm with a customer right now. 爸我在招呼顾客呢I'll be with you in just a moment. 马上就来跟你谈Honey, I'll talk to your dad. 亲爱的我会跟你爸爸谈You don't think he'll be upset I wrote it about you? 你觉得他不会因为我写的是你而生气吗You wrote it about me? 你写的是我吗Mom, you know me and homework. 妈妈你知道我一般怎么做作业I didn't give it much thought. What's a hero? 我没太动脑子什么是英雄Someone who's not afraid of anything, 一个无所畏惧的人and who's strong-- that's you. 一个强大的人那就是你啊But dad's so great, too. 可爸爸也很棒- Here it comes. - Okay. All right. -我又要吐了 -好了好了You just sit down. Sit down, sweet pea. 你赶紧坐下来坐下宝贝Have your drink. You're gonna be fine. 把这个喝了你会没事的Here goes. Um... 真心话时间到So, dad, the last time we worked together, 爸爸上次我们一起工作的时候- it was tense between us. - What? -我们的关系很紧张 -什么- No, it wasn't. - Yes, it was. -没有啊 -有的You were--you're really hard on me, 你对我非常严厉and you talk down to me. 你说话时居高临下- You don't know what you're talking about. - Right. -你又胡说八道了 -好吧And when I confronted you, like I am doing now, 当我和你当面对质时就像现在这样you were insensitive, like you are being now. 你无动于衷就像你现在一样And while I really appreciate the opportunity, 我谢谢你给我这个机会and I do love you very much, 我很爱你I don't think that working together is a very good idea. 但我觉得我们最好不要一起工作All right, fine. 好吧I'm not gonna lie. I'm very disappointed. 说实话我很失望- We won! - Man, that sucks! -我们赢了 -太逊了Yeah, totally un-masculating. 是啊我们太没男子气概了Yeah, totally un-masculating. [其实是emasculating 这男生没文化]Well, at least you guys look cool when you play. 至少你们玩的时候样子很酷Let's play again. This never happened. 我们再玩一局这局就当没发生Actually, we need to go hang out with our family for a while. 实际上我们得去找我们的家人了Really? Now? 现在吗Yeah, but we'll be around. We'll see you guys. 对但我们不会走远等会儿见What happened? Did I mess up? 怎么了我又做错事了吗- No, you did great. - So he didn't like me? -你做得很好 -那他不喜欢我吗- No, he totally liked you. - Then why'd we walk away? -他可喜欢你了 -那我们干嘛要走开This was never about him. 这本来就不关他的事This was about getting you some confidence. 这是为了给你增加点自信Guys will pick up on that. Better guys. 男生们会发觉的更好的男生Guys who can lose to a girl without feeling e-masculated.我说的是那种能够坦然输给女生的男生Okay, try not to throw this in my face one day, 但愿你以后不会用我接下来的话取笑我but sometimes you're actually really smart. 但我有时觉得你其实挺聪明Like, smart smart. I hope you know that. 真正意义上的聪明希望你知道。

Haley,hurry up! You are gonna be late.Alex, what are you doing?I need to document Haley's first standard chain gang.It's not a chain gang.It's community service. And leave her a lone.She feels bad enough as it is.Okay, I'm torn. On one hand, I'm like,"Ugh, I have to pick up garbage all day."And on the other hand, I'm like,"Look at me in orange."Aw, that's cute. Send that to me.Haley had a little run-in with the law in college.She was arrested for assaulting a police officer. Accidentally. I fell on him.While evading arrest for underage drinking.That was on purpose.They were very lenient with her.She only has to do community service.Because I do not have any priors.Taking a little too much pride in that, sweetheart.Things can get pretty rough out there.I couldn't get my hands on any cigarettes.But I did make you a shiv out of an old knife.You don't make a shiv out of a knife.Yeah, you make a shiv out of a rusty spoon or a shard of glass. Or a human femur.Exactly. Be creative.It's really sweet of you, Luke,But there's just gonna be a bunch of drunk driversand vandalizers who were stupid enough to get caught. Or stupid enough to use the word "Vandalizers."It's vandals.I'm so alone.They're gonna eat you alive, suburbia.Mitchell, we're back.You are not going to believe this.Cam, do you remember why I didn't want youto swap out the handles on Lily's dresser?Because you lack a designer's eye and fear change? No. Because I was afraid two weeks would go by,and we'd still be using a spatulato get at Lily's clothes.Okay, well, we have bigger issues.Guess what they are cutting down at the park today?- A tree? - Yes. How did you know that?I played a hunch.Not just any tree, Tree-ona elmsly.Oh, no. That's terrible. That's our picnic tree.It's a nightmare.Well, someone's picked up her daddy's gift for hyperbole. They are literally chainsawing paradise- to put up a parking lot. - Oh, it's too bad.We have to do something.Well, if we knew earlier, we could.I blame myself. I've taken on too much.What exactly have you taken on?Are you kidding me? Teaching music?This dresser handle project? My role in the musical?Oh, that.You know what? I don't like your tone.The understudy's the most challenging role in any production. You have to be ready at a moment's noticeto go on and face a disappointed audiencewho was there to see Kenny Van Heffington.Our insurance guy?He's breathtaking.- Really? - Yeah, I hate him.Anyway, what was I talking about?Putting new handles on the dresser.Right. The tree. I have to do something.I can't live like this.Manny, while we're young!He doesn't want to go.That's why he's taking so long with the primping.A boy his age should do exactly zero primping.You ready?Not in the least.That's the spirit.This kid in my class, Doug Brooks,has a sports-themed birthday party every year.All boys. All sports. All day.He calls it the Doug-lympics,which might make sense if he did it every four years, or if his name was Al.Let's just say nothing about it works.Manny, it's a beautiful day outside.Go on. Enjoy your Dougy-lympics.You don't have to win a medal. Just have fun.Doug finishes with the most medals no matter what. Plus I think he only invites mebecause he likes to match skin color to nation.I know that's why Alan Yan gets invited.Okay, we get it. Sports isn't your thing.But you gotta step out of your comfort zone sometime. And for god sake,change out of those wingtips.You're a kid. You're not Nixon on the beach.Fine. I'll put on my sporty shoes.Where are they?They're still in the box.And don't forget to take out the paperbefore you put them on, okay?And they're called sneakers.Hello, hello!Hey, Gloria. So, ready to go?- Where? - Thought we were doing a Costco run.Oh, I see what this is.You called Claire to babysit the stupid pregnant lady! You're the one who called her.I did?I called Claire.Gloria needs watching.She's got a serious case of pregnancy brain.Last week, I found a bar of soap in the fridgeand a stick of butter in the shower.I walked around all day smelling like a bucket of popcorn. Better than the toast I ate.Yet you ate the second piece.Jay! Bye-bye! We're leaving!Seriously? I'm right here.Duck! Duck! Come on and hit him, you little freak!Talk about a big left hook.God, I love you.Phil in the blank!Phil in the blank!Bill of rights!Bill of rights!Jerry-atric!Jerry-atric!Alan's dad!Hey, guys. Luke, you getting in there?Of course.Look, I'm Mexico. Again.Does anybody care that I'm not from mexico?You keep saying that,but we've never seen a birth certificate.All right, look, I'll pick you up at 5:00.Knock yourself out.Or better still, knock someone else out.Jay, where you headed?Why don't you stick around and grab a beer with the dads? Oh, I don't really know those guys.I think I'll just swing by the club, hit a few balls.Well, come here. Let me introduce you around.Hey, guys,This is Jay, my father-in-law. Manny's stepdad.Hey, what's up, Jay-lo?Hey, what's up, Jay-lo?Okay, guys, I'll see you later.What's the matter, Jay?Afraid to step outside your comfort zone?I will send you back to Mexico.I didn't really call you, did I?No, my dad did. But I thought you knew.Ugh. I want to be so mad at him,but he's right.I have two brains in my body,but I've never been so dumb.It happens. I get it.You have another human being inside of you, competing for resources.Look, when I was pregnant with Alex,I could barely remember my name.Same with Haley and Luke?Mm, not so much.They kind of just hung out in there, let me do my thing. Thank you for understanding.I'm glad that you came.It will help me not to forget stuff.I'm glad I can help out. I--Why didn't you stop first?!Where's daddy?I don't know, sweetie.He said to meet him by Tree-ona.Mitchell! Lily!Where is he?Up here! Look up here!Cam, what are you doing up there?I came down to say good bye to the tree,give it one final hug,and before I knew it, I was up here.When you say "One final hug"...If I'm occupying the tree, they can't cut it down.I googled it. It's a thing.Okay, Lily, see, this is a nightmare.Tell me about it.You know what? You're a list-maker, a planner.I'm a doer and an action taker!Sean Penn would play me in a movie about this,or Anne Hathaway, if they wanted a female-driven vehicle. And who would play your long-suffering partner? Julianne Moore, either way.I would totally see that. I would.Hey! My supervisor wants to knowif you have a history of mental illness.No, sir, I do not.All right, Cam, let's hear. What's the plan?I don't know. I'm sort of making it up as I go.Are you sure you wanna do this?Yes. I've never been more sure about anything in my life. We need to teach our daughter the value of taking a stand, no matter the sacrifice!Hello?Done. I'll be right there .Mitchell, you need to get up here. I have to go.Excuse me?That was my theater troupe. An actor's sick.I have to go and do the matinee.What happened to showing Lily the value of taking a stand? It's the lead.It's also important to show her the valueof honoring one's commitments.And in this case, my commitment preceded my stand!This is so you, Cam.You start something, and then you expect me to finish it.So you're not coming up here?No! No, I'm not. Come on.Mitchell?Where were we the first day Lily rolled over?Under this tree.Where is home base when we play hide-and-go-seek?Under this tree.And where did we take shelterduring that dangerous lightning storm?Wasn't a good idea, but it was under this tree.Daddy, you've got to save the tree!Yeah, daddy, you have to save the tree!Okay, okay.But you get back here the second you are done.Well, I can't very well turn away fans that come backstage. The second!Last summer, my sister took a totally humiliating photo of me. Haley, that's not funny!Then she posted it to Facebookand refused to take it down.It got 873 likes.Meanwhile, there's not one embarrassing photo of Haley. Even her mug shots were cute.Today, I get my revenge.One photo of Haley, dirty, sweaty,picking up trash like a criminal.It'll be my finest moment.In a few years, I hope to have some more friendsand not have time for this kind of stuff.Okay. Hey.Where did you go?To get a sweatshirt.We've been standing in the frozen food aisle for half an hour.I need something frozen.Right. What?I don't know. I just wrote the word "frozen."Okay. Uh, let's think.Peas. Ice cream. Pizza. Waffles.Wait a minute.It says "dozen." I need the eggs!Ah, the eggs. Okay.Ay, no, on the other side.Oh, god. I-I'll get the carts.So that's... Oh, sorry.That's... That's me. That's me. I got it.Come on, guys! You're killing us!Where the heck is Mexico?Good news, gentlemen! I found another rope.If we double-dutch, everyone wins.Okay, hold still...And wait for it...This is what you'd look like fat and bald.On my phone, that app's called a camera.Bill, don't do that to yourself.Let me tell you something. Ellen is one lucky woman. Why is that funny?Because she's married to Jerry.Jay, you got any good apps?I don't know. I got call waiting. Is that an app?You guys laugh a lot, huh?Jay's a little technologically challenged.From a guy who can't drive a stick.- What? - You can't?Well... he called me to rescue him one time.He got stuck on a hill. He was afraid to let go of the clutch. By the time I got there,traffic's backed up half a mile,everybody's yelling at him. He's in tears.Not tears. Maybe sweat.Yeah, sweatin' out your eyes.I had about ten pretty bad pictures of Haley.I could have quit right there,but I'm a perfectionist.I thought,"I could do better. She could look worse."Oh, my god.All right, pal.Come down from the tree.Sorry, can't do that.Come down before we pull you down.W--hey. Ease up.What's the problem?Look, I don't want to be up here.You know? But this is my daughter's favorite tree.And my partner-- he's all up in armsabout them cutting it down, so...Well, if your partner's so worked up, why isn't he here? Oh, well, that's a very good question.It's because he starts things, and he doesn't finish them, so then I have to.Just like my wife.You know, my therapist would say we're "enabling" them. You and your therapist.I wouldn't have to see him if you hadn't shot that guy. Aw, that again?Look, let's just spray him with the fire hose.You're not helping, Terry.It's not your fight.So why don't you do us a favor,and come on down?Because he's right, all right?That's the frustrating part.I-I've been sitting up here these past few hours,and... this tree is beautiful, okay?And I-I can hear the squirrels dancing through the branches, you know, chasing each other,no idea what's about to happen.You know, this isn't just a tree.This is a home.Yeah, to, like, a hundred rats.They're all over this thing.Well, that changes nothing.I will wait you guys out all night if I have to.Cam, you got 20 minutes,and I'm out of this tree.Terry, you wanna get ready with that hose?So Alex comes home from school the other day,and she said the teacher didn't know what she was talking about, when in reality, I don't think that--You almost just cut my head off.You gotta focus.I am sorry. After all that, I forgot the eggs!- Excuse me. - Yeah, hang on one second.Listen, this is not just your pregnancy.You are purposely turning your brain off.You have to at least try to pay attention.- Ma'am? - Yeah.Do you have a receipt for that sweatshirt?Oh, shoot.I'm gonna need you to come back into the store. Oh, no. No, it's--I forgot I was wearing it.It's no big deal. Here.Ma'am. The store.Are you kidding me?I didn't try to steal a sweatshirt!Sir, I'm a mom.Gloria, help me out.Listen, Mr. Policeman,If we wanted to steal it,You wouldn't even know that it was gone!Yeah, okay. That's not helping.Oh, my god! A gold bracelet!Hey, can we keep what we find? Unbelievable.Really?Gentlemen, you wanna know aboutthe real ultimate frisbee?Walk with one balanced on your head for 50 meters. It is a measure of poise, balance, and posture.Let's just whip the frisbees at each other as hard as we can and see who quits first.Frisbee smash.Awesome! Let's go!Oh, my god, I'm Sisyphus.死后入地狱被罚做永无休止的推巨石苦工]A big one!So he's out in our yard and he's got a boombox...What's the name of that movie with the boombox?- Oh, "Say anything." - With John Mahoney.So anyway, he's out there,And he's begging Claire for forgiveness.She's still mad at him. She won't have any of it.So he turns it up full-blast,And it's Olivia Newton-John.And it's Olivia Newton-John.And he starts singing, "Let's get Phil-sical"!It was an inside joke.Well, not anymore!Okay, enough with the funny Phil stories.No, but I haven't even gotten to the best part yet.So he's doing his little dance, and I can't take it anymore, So I nail him with the sprinklers!Yep, and you also shorted out my boombox,which you said you'd replace and you never did.I never said that!Yes, you did. You still owe me one boombox,12 "D" batteries,and an Olivia Newton-John cassingle.Okay, uh...Why don't we settle it in the ring?We get in there,and if you beat me, I'll buy you any boombox you want.If I beat you,then you've gotta do your little dance for everyone.I'm in.Let's get Phil-sical.I wasn't worried. I'd boxed in the navy.And it was Phil.And here's something I thought I'd never say--I'd rather box my daughter's husband than my son's.I may have been holding on to a tiny bit of anger towards Jay.I scooped ice cream all summer for that boombox!Excuse me. Pardon me. We're here!We came as fast as we could!You couldn't change?You said come right away!Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen!Oakwood Rep's production of "Cats"!Make sure you catch it this week.Word on the street is the understudy steals the show! Mitchell, I get two more shows!Kenny Van Heffington's toenail is infected!Just get up here, all right?The crew has to leave at dark,so you have until then.Easy peasy.Sweetie, tell daddy what you thought of my performance. Transcendent.Oh, jeez.Is this sap?Why would I buy hundreds of dollars worth of merchandise and then steal a $20 sweatshirt?I don't know. Maybe you do it for the thrill.I know your type.You're a bored housewife, drives a minivan,husband spends a little too much time online.Got a couple of kids, a college degree you don't use.You could not be more wrong.Yes. She has three kids.Okay, no. No, no.No, no. No, that's not helping.Look, as I said before, it was an accident.Heard it a thousand times.Grandmothers, businessmen, honor students--They all say the same thing--"It was an accident.I don't know how that clock radiogot in my pants."Oh, for god sake! I don't feel well.Let us go.Yeah, right.Is that even a baby?'Cause from here, it looks like a turkey.I need you to sign this, admitting your guilt,and promising you'll never return to this store.I'm not signing that.Okay, great.Then I'm gonna call the police and I'll be forced to--What was that?My water broke!I'm having the baby!Sorry about that. I went a little nuts there.I don't know what happened.I do.I was ragging on you in front of your friends.- Oh, yeah. - Sorry about that.I couldn't think of anything else to say.Why not?I got 20, 25 years on those guys.We got nothing in common.It's only gonna get worse.I mean, what's it gonna be like with the new kid in ten years? Oh, my goodness.You're insecure and vulnerable.This is the cutest thing I've ever seen.Shut up.Who's a shy bunny?You wanna go one more round, without the gloves? I'm just playing around, Jay.I don't care how old you are.I could sit and talk to you all day.Those guys really liked you, too.I don't care about that.Did they?- Even Jerry? - Yes.Well, maybe you're right.I mean, Manny didn't want to come, and look at him. Looks like he's having a great time.So then Luke's dad grabs the taser from me,- and he was like, "Uhh! Uhh!" - No. No!That's not how it happened.Aah! Ay! Ay! It hurts!Hang in there! Hang in there!Get you to the hospital as soon as I can!I just want to apologize...one more time on behalf of the storefor any stress that I might have caused you.Here, you can keep the sweatshirt as a gift.And congratulations on this baby,which is clearly not a turkey. That was--- Go away now! - Yeah.Okay. Go on. Go on. Get in. Keep going.What hospital are we going to?- No! No hospital! - No hospital. Wow.You're one of those, huh?Okay, please don't have it in the pool, though.'cause we swim in there.I'm not having the baby, Claire.I was just faking it.What?Not bad for someone with pregnancy brain, huh? Okay, that's good. That was very good.Good thinking, Gloria.I'm sorry. I just couldn't sit thereand watch you sufferjust because you had turned your brain off. Okay, I deserved that.Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no.I just blew through a red light. Damn.You think you can keep the pregnancy thing up for a little while longer?I feel the head!Feel it! Feel it!Save it! Save it for the cop!Save it.All right, guys, that's it. Pack it up!You win for today. See you on Monday.That's it?That's it.So I'll go to city hall on Mondayand see what I can do,But... You did it, cam!No, we did it.I had to run away, and you stepped in,and like an understudy, you gave a brilliant performance. Yeah, but you're the star.Oh, well...Can we stop doing this and go home?Yes, Lily, but I want you to remember this moment-- The day your daddies made you proud.Turn her away, Mitchell! Turn her away!Alex, what are you doing here?Learning a valuable lesson about karmaand how wrong it is to take pleasurein people's embarrassment.Wow. I don't know what any of that means,but you look like hell.- Say "Geek." - No!He's a vandalizer!593 likes, and counting.Who does he belong to?He's mine.It was a great ending to an amazing day. Look, I even... Made the paper."Bizarre protest saves park tree."Oh, look what it says."This production of 'Cats' should be put to sleep." Don't read that.Don't...Oh, hey, Gloria.Listen, I called Jay about borrowing a drillfor my dresser handles.I got it right here, Cam!Oh, jeez. What's with the getup?Ay, good. You see that, too?Stella, stop.Ay, shh, shh, shh. Sorry, Cam.Oh, no, don't be. I take it as a compliment. "Cats"--now and forever.Actually, just till next Thursday.It's been described as "Transcendent."。

Gloria, honey! 歌洛莉亚亲爱的I'm ready whenever you are! 我随时都能出发We should hurry. The reservation's at 7:00. 我们得快点了预定时间是七点Claire, where are you? 克莱尔你在哪儿Okay, see you in two. 好两分钟后见What are you doing? 你在干什么呢I'm striking a seductive pose for your mother. 我想摆个性感僚人的姿势给你妈看Gross. But I like the suit. Is that new? 真恶不过我喜欢这套西装新的吗Oh, yeah. 是啊Now that his honey gots her own money, 爹爹的小心肝都开始挣钱了daddy went and snagged hisself some new threads, girl. 爹爹自然要给自己买套新衣裳闺女Hands down, your funniest voice. 这绝对是你最搞笑的声音Bordering on the offensive. 快让人觉得恶心了Listen, I'm a realtor, 你看我是房地产经纪人and I work a lot with families, 得与很多家庭打交道so normally, I dial the sexy back to five, 所以通常我不能表现得太性感but Claire's been working very hard lately. 但克莱尔最近工作非常辛苦So tonight... 所以今晚...Stick around if you want to see 留下来看你们的妈妈your mom's tongue fall out of her mouth. 被我迷得口水直流吧Not unless you want to see my lunch fall out of mine. 还是算了除非你想看我把午饭吐出来Oh, I'm sorry I am late. 抱歉我回来晚了Traffic was horrible. 路上实在是太堵了Sounds like someone could use a tall drink of water. 看起来有人急需一大杯水啊Yeah, right. Water. 是啊对水Luke, what did I tell you about 卢克我是怎么跟你说leaning back on that thing? 坐在椅子上向后仰的I don't know. "Don't"? 不知道是"不许这样"吗Honey, what are you still doing here? 亲爱的你怎么还在这里You're supposed to be babysitting Joe. 你应该去照看乔了啊Yeah, but I have to drop off Alex to watch Lily first, 是但我得先载艾丽克斯去照看莉莉and she's still not ready. 但她还没准备好She can't be concerned about her looks, right? 她不会是在穿衣打扮什么的吧- I can hear you! - I'm kidding. -我听得见 -我开玩笑的I'm just saying, 我只是想说it'd be sad to think she actually tries. 如果她还试图打扮就挺可悲的- Heard that, too! - It was a joke! -又听到了 -开玩笑的啦Man, do big ears actually hear better? 老天大耳朵真的听得更清楚吗Oh, my God, just stop talking. 我的天哪别再说了Okay, girls. 好了姑娘们It's time for you guys to hit the road. 你们该出发啦Okay, bye. 好了再见- Oh, yeah, bye. - Bye. -再见 -拜拜Why aren't you going with them? 你为什么不跟她们一起去He wanted to stay home. 他想待在家里I said it was okay. 我同意了- By himself? - It's fine. -他自己吗 -没关系的If he's old enough to watch "The Walking Dead" with me... 如果他能和我一起看《行尸走肉》- He's not. - then he's old enough -他还不行 -他就可以- to stay home alone. - He's not. -一个人待在家里了 -他还不行Claire, he's not a little boy anymore. 克莱尔他不是小孩子了I'm fine. 我没事See how deep his voice is? 你听他的声音多么低沉Are you okay?! 你还好吗请登陆 第五季第五集Oh, this is Haley. 是海莉的短信"Be there in 5. Alex took ducking forever." "五点到艾丽克斯特么磨蹭死了"Oh, it's fine. You know what? 没关系你知道吗We have to pick the "Save the date" card. 我们得选一张"预留时间"卡片I'm at a loss. 我好纠结Can we just do it tomorrow? 我们能明天再选吗I hate the way my dad looks at us when we're late, 我讨厌我们迟到时我爸看我们的眼神like we're two silly queens 就好像我们是两个傻基佬blasting disco music, 一边听迪斯科音乐primping, losing track of time. 一边梳洗打扮毫无时间观念Wow, it gets really busy in that head, huh? 你这小脑瓜想象力真丰富Okay, quick. Which one do you like? 快点你喜欢哪一张- Uh, that one. - Really? -那张 -真的吗I think you picked too quick. 我觉得你太草率了No, I didn't. I really like that one. 不没有我真的很喜欢那张I really like this one. 我真的很喜欢这张Well, then, why did you ducking ask me? 那你特么为什么还要问我Fine, goes with yours. 好吧听你的Well, if that's the one you really like. 如果你真喜欢的话就听你的Can you just get ready? 你能快点准备好吗Yeah. Lily, hit it. 行莉莉开始On it! 遵命Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! 快点快点走啊快点I've never seen you so excited about a restaurant. 我从没见你这么迫不及待要去一家餐厅I've waited six weeks for this reservation. 这次预定我已经等了六周了They have an Australian Wagyu beef 那家餐厅有澳大利亚神户牛肉that's supposed to change your life. 简直会颠覆你的人生In the way heart disease changes your life? 通过心脏病颠覆你的人生吗Because you're a pillar of health. 你真是健康的使者They only feed this cow alfalfa, barley, and red wine, 这种牛只吃苜蓿大麦和红酒and some chef hand-picks each cut, 每块肉都经过厨师手工挑选dry ages it 35 days 然后风干35天before cooking it to a perfect medium-rare, 才做成一道完美的三分熟牛排all for me. 一切都是为我而做Doesn't the wine make the cow drunk? 牛喝酒不会醉吗It's not "The Far Dide." The cow doesn't drive anywhere. 这不是在漫画里牛又不用开车去哪里Gloria! 歌洛莉亚Let's go! 快点走了You know she's not here, right? 你知道她不在这里吧What? 什么She's having her hair blown out. 她在外面吹头发呢That's a thing? 就这么个事儿That I pay for? 要花钱去做吗Gloria's always late. 歌洛莉亚总是迟到Then I get mad and tell her to hurry. 然后我就会生气让她动作快点We yell, and it just takes longer. 我们会争吵结果耽误了更多时间So I promised myself, no matter how late she is, 所以我暗中发誓无论她多慢just to take some deep breaths and stay calm. 我就深呼吸几下保持镇定That's the only thing I learned in lamaze class 这是我在无痛分娩课上学到的唯一一点because we were always late. 因为我们那时也总是迟到Hi! Everybody's running like crazy tonight. 今天晚上大家都跟疯子似的I took San Vicente thinking that I was gonna save some time, 我走了圣维森特路以为会节省时间but then they're working on the sewer. 结果那里在修下水道So I went around Montana, 所以我绕道蒙大纳路down Moreno. 又开到莫雷诺路上But then there's that dip in the road. 但是那条路上有个坑I always forget about that dip in the road. 我总是忘记路上有个坑I hit it so hard that I spilled the coffee all over the car. 车颠得太厉害我把咖啡洒得到处都是Did I tell you who I had coffee with? 我跟你说我和谁去喝咖啡了吗I think Luke is scared to be left in the house alone, 我觉得卢克害怕被单独留在家里and he's just pretending to be brave for you. 他只是为了你表现得勇敢Honey, he's 14. 亲爱的他都14岁了We left Alex alone when she was 10. 艾丽克斯10岁时我们就让她一人在家了We didn't leave her. We forgot her. 不是"让" 而是把她忘在家里了And when we got home, she was fine. 我们赶回家时她不是好好的吗Physically. 身体上没事Plus, she's still friends with 而且她和那个可爱的911接线员that sweet 911 operator. 现在还是好朋友呢Yeah. 是啊What are you doing? 你在干什么Making sure Luke knows 确保卢克知道what to do in case of emergency. 发生意外时该怎么做Of course he does. 他当然知道Someone's at the door! 有人按门铃Luke, it's just your mom testing you. 卢克这是你妈妈在测试你Don't worry, mom. 别担心妈If I hear that while you're gone, 你们不在时如果我听到这声音I won't answer. 我不会开门的I'll just hide where no one can find me. 我就躲在没人能找到的地方Cam, come on, let's go. 小卡我们快走吧Two seconds. 再等两秒钟I thought that being with a man 我还以为和男人在一起meant that I wouldn't have to wait around like this. 意味着我不必这样苦苦等待I feel cheated. I do. 我觉得受到了欺骗真的Let's play dolls. 我们来玩洋娃娃吧Actually, I want to read you one of my favorite books. 其实我想给你读我最爱的一本书It's called "Little Women," and it's about four sisters 书名是《小妇人》讲的是四姐妹who overcome poverty and the patriarchy... 克服贫困和父权制的故事...Nope! Dolls. 不听玩娃娃This is Ashley. She's a wife. 这是阿什莉她是个家庭主妇Well, I hope that's not the only thing that defines her. 希望她不只是个家庭主妇而已Does she have a career? 她有事业吗Nope, she shops. Where's Haley? 不她只购物海莉在哪How come it takes me five minutes to get ready, 我怎么五分钟就准备好了and you take forever? 而你还在磨磨蹭蹭呢Oh, please. I could get ready in five minutes, too, 拜托我也能在五分钟内准备好if I dressed like -- 如果我穿得像...You did it again. 你们又撞衫了Not changing. 誓死不换Fasten your seatbelts. 系好安全带It's going to be a crazy night. 这会是个疯狂的夜晚No, honey, it's gonna be a bumpy night. 不亲爱的这会是个不太平的夜晚Remember, you can't have two dads 记住你有两个爸爸and make that mistake. 不能犯这种错误Bumpy night. 不太平的夜晚Okay, so how often does this happen? 好吧这种事多久发生一次Too often. 太频繁Men just don't have that many options. 男人没有太多选择I can't tell you the number of times 简直数不清有多少次I've walked by a women's boutique 我经过女士服装店时and just thought, "What I would do 心里想"我愿付出一切to have that many choices." 来换取那么多的选择"Don't ever say that again. 永远别这样说了I don't like any part of it. 我一点也不喜欢All right, one of us has to change. 好吧必须得有个人去换衣服We look like twin toddlers at church. 我们看起来像教堂里的双胞胎小孩Yeah, tell me about it. 谁说不是啊And this place we're going is supposed to be super hip. 而且我们要去的地方很高端We're probably gonna run into someone. 说不定会碰到熟人And come on. I don't have that many outfits. 拜托我没有你衣服多My clothes take up exactly one-quarter of the closet. 我的衣服只占了衣柜的四分之一That's not fair. My clothes are bigger than yours. 这样说可不公平我的衣服比你大All right, I hate to play this card, 好吧我不想打这张牌but I was dressed first. So... 但我先换好衣服的所以Oh, that is silly. 真愚蠢Lily, it's time to play "Who wore it best?" 莉莉该玩"谁穿上更好看"的游戏了No, I'm not doing this again. I can't. 不我不玩了我做不到Fine. Alex. 好吧艾丽克斯你来Uh, I don't know. 我不知道Boys' clothes aren't really my thing. 男士衣服我不太懂Really? 真的吗I don't get it. 我不明白Doesn't the wine get the cow drunk? 牛喝了酒难道不会醉吗- Thank you. - Honest to God. -谢谢你 -天啊Have neither of you seen a cow? 你俩都没见过牛吗They're huge. 它们体型庞大I bet tequila would do it quicker. 我敢说龙舌兰酒会让它们醉得更快It's not the goal to get the cow drunk. 目的不是为了让牛喝醉You got to be kidding me. 没搞错吧Manny, see why your mother's taking so long. 曼尼去看看你妈怎么磨蹭那么久And don't tell her I sent you. 别告诉她是我让你去的Mom! Hurry! 妈快点Don't yell. I could have yelled. 别吼啊我自己也能吼- Then why didn't you? - Because I didn't want to yell. -那你为什么不吼 -因为我不想吼- I want you to go. - Why can't you go? -我想让你过去 -你为什么不去Why can't you do what I ask? 你怎么就不能乖乖听话呢I'm trying to do something new here! 我在努力使用新方法Stop yelling, Jay! I'm ready! 别吼了杰我准备好了Oh, geez. 天啊Haley, Manny knows where all the baby stuff is, 海莉曼尼知道婴儿用的东西放在哪里and if Joe won't go to bed, 如果乔不肯睡觉just put on Gladys Knight 就给他放格拉迪斯·奈特的歌曲and bounce him around a little bit. 然后轻轻摇晃他Oh, you still do that? 你还这样做吗I loved when you did that with us. 我以前就很喜欢你摇晃我们How about that? 怎么样Somebody in this family remembers a nice thing I did. 这家里还有人记得我做过的好事I remember something nice you did. 我记得你做过的好事You bought me this dress yesterday when you were working. 你昨天上班时给我买了这条裙子How do I look? 我看起来怎么样Gorgeous. Let's go! 美极了我们走吧You didn't even look at me. Haley. 你都没看我海莉Well, "A," your hair looks amazing, 首先你的发型看起来棒极了like you just got off a horse. 就像是刚从马背上下来似的That's exactly what I was going for. 那正是我想要的效果But if I had one thought... 不过我觉得吧...No! No thoughts. 别别觉得...are those for sure the best earrings? 那对耳环不是最适合的They seem to be kind of getting lost. 感觉不是很显眼I have the same color in a bigger size. 我还有一副这个颜色大一号的- How much bigger? - Like a meter. -大多少 -一米左右A meter? That's like a foot. 一米都有一英尺长了Actually, it's like a yard. 其实应该是一码才对Oh, sorry -- it's like a millimeter. 对不起应该是一毫米左右You mean a centimeter. 你想说的是一厘米吧All this math. Just show me. 数学真麻烦给我看一下好了- Gloria! - What? -歌洛莉亚 -怎么的I think the new earrings 我觉得那副新耳环are really gonna tie your whole outfit together. 一定会和你的整套造型非常搭You're so sweet! 你嘴真甜Wow. That was very mature of you. 你刚才的表现成熟多了Yeah, well, I'm a lot older now 是啊我现在的确比than when she started getting dressed. 她开始打扮之前老多了So this sound... 所以这个声音...that's the doorbell. 才是门铃声That other sound was the smoke alarm. 之前那个声音是烟雾报警器Got it. 知道了Okay, and if you're hungry, don't order a pizza. 如果你饿了不要叫批萨外卖They don't screen those delivery guys. 他们的配送员都没有经过筛选Half of them are ex-cons. 那些人多半都是有前科的Stop it. You're gonna scare him. It's gonna be fine. 够了你会吓到他的不会有事的But if you do choke, you've gotta throw yourself 不过万一你噎住了你要这样against the back of a chair to get the food out. 撞在椅子背上以便把食物吐出来He'll just drink stuff. 他喝点东西就行了Nothing from under the sink. 不要拿水槽下面的东西喝Even if it's lemony? 连柠檬味的也不行吗I'm just messing with you. 我跟你开玩笑的In case of fire, go low and get out. 要是着火就俯下身子跑出去In case of earthquake -- 要是遇到地震Wait. You think there could be an earthquake? 等一下你们觉得会发生地震吗The last time we had one, that big cabinet fell on me. 上次地震时我被那个大柜子压住了- No, it didn't. - It did?! -没有的事 -真的吗Let's go. 我们走吧Bye, honey, we love you. 再见亲爱的我们爱你Do you have the keys? 你有钥匙没We're gonna check in. I promise! 我们会给你打电话的我保证Uhh, what's going on? 怎么回事New suit? 新西服This old thing? 这个吗Yes, it is. 是啊是新的I got it at this hipster place downtown. 我在市里潮人集散地买的You like it? 你喜欢吗It's tight. 有点儿紧Well, the salesman said it was the style, 售货员说现在流行这种风格and he looked like a Mumford and Son, 他看上去像个蒙福之子乐队成员so I think he'd know. 我以为他很了解时尚Mm, let's go. 我们走吧Slow down, Flo Jo. 慢一点女飞人You know what? We don't have time for this. 我们没有时间争论这些了I'll just change. 我直接换衣服好了Well, now I feel bad. Let's both just change. 这让我好内疚我们还是一起换了吧That's the fair thing to do. 这样做才公平Okay, fine. But quickly, pLemony Snicketlease. 好的但是请你快一点I don't know. 我不知道It's blue. 这件是蓝色的Yeah, this one's so yellow. 这件又太黄了Oh, you know what? 你猜怎么着I have a stain on this one. I can't wear it. 这件衣服上有块污渍我不能穿这件Oh, paisley, yeah. I don't know. 涡纹图案不错我不确定Are you kidding me right now?! 你是在跟我开玩笑吗- What? - I know this trick, Cam. -怎么了 -我知道你在耍什么把戏You take forever to pick out an outfit, 你永远也挑不出一套衣服knowing very well that I'll say, "Let's just go," 你知道我肯定会说"我们走吧"because we're late. 因为我们已经迟了Meantime, you get credit for offering to change 这么一来你做了提议换装的好人while I'm the one who actually does. 而我却是真正换装的那个人- As usual. - Excuse me. -你一向如此 -你说什么Are you accusing me of manipulating you to get my way?你是在指责我操纵你按我的方式做事吗Actually... 其实...Because that's what my mother used to accuse me of, 因为我妈以前就是那么指责我的and I got to say 我不得不说that that brings up a lot of stuff with me. 那让我想起了好多伤心事You're crying without tears. 你连滴眼泪都挤不出来Give me a minute. 给我点时间"'Christmas won't be Christmas without any presents,' "圣诞节要是没有礼物就不是圣诞节了" "Grumbled Jo. "乔抱怨道"'it's so dreadful to be poor,' sighed --" "贫困真是可怕她感叹着"Stop! I hate this. 够了我不爱听这个Can I put makeup on you? 我能给你化妆吗Why does everyone ask me that? 怎么总有人这么问我Let's just have a good time tonight, all right? 我们今晚就高高兴兴地享受一下行吗- I'm not mad. - Okay, good. -我没生气 -好很好And you do look super-duper handsome in that. 而且你穿那套衣服帅呆酷毙了Don't even. 别扯了I'm gonna grab a water for the road. 我去拿些水在路上喝Yeah, get me a soda. 给我拿罐汽水Okay, Alex. Thank you so much. 好了艾丽克斯非常感谢你Have a fun night. 晚上玩得开心点Honey, we love you. 宝贝我们爱你- Here you go. -All right. Thank you. -给你 -好的谢谢Okay, and remember, no eating in the living room. 记住不许在客厅里吃东西Aah! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! 我的天我的天What did you do? What did you do?! 你做了什么你做了什么Come on! You can't possibly think -- 拜托你不会以为...You shook this can 你摇晃这罐子来着so you could wear the outfit that I wanted to wear? 这样你就能穿这套我想穿的衣服了That is exactly what I think! 是的我就是这么想的That is insane. 这太荒谬了You saw me take it from the refrigerator 你看着我把汽水从冰箱里- and bring it to you. - Did I? -拿出来给你的 -是吗Or were you out of my sight for the two seconds 还是你趁我没注意that it took you to get from the refrigerator to here, 在从冰箱那里走过来的两秒钟里which would have given you exactly the right amount of time 摇晃了这罐汽水而两秒钟刚好足够to shake the can? 用来摇晃汽水Nice theory, Nancy Grace, but I'm not that petty. 真棒大神探但我没那么小心眼Okay, you two. Did you see anything? 你们俩看见什么没有Just pretend you're coloring. 假装在涂色Okay, what are you doing? 你在干嘛I'm trying to reach the mirror. 我在尝试够到镜子I got something in my eye. 我眼睛里进东西了Hi, you've reached the Dunphys. 你好这里是邓菲家Why isn't Luke picking up? 卢克为什么不接电话It's hard to reach the phone 被一个刚被假释的when you're tied up by a recently paroled pizza guy. 比萨配送员绑住的确很难接电话Ha ha. You're very funny. 你真幽默What are you doing? 你干什么I know it sounds weird. 我知道这听起来很奇怪Call it mother's intuition, 也许是母亲的直觉吧but I just have this feeling that something is wrong. 但我有种不祥的预感Fine, do what you want, 好吧你爱怎样就怎样吧but I've just about had it up to -- 但我已经忍了你...higher than here with this. 比这还要多Die, pizza man! 去死吧送比萨的Stop! Stop! 住手住手Oh. Sorry, mom. 妈妈啊对不起Told you he could take care of himself. 告诉过你他能照顾好自己了Move. 让开Why does she do this? 她为什么要这样呢We're gonna lose our table. 我们的订位会被取消的She knows how important it is to me to be on time. 她知道准时到达对我有多重要This is torture. 真是折磨人I think you've lost perspective, Jay. 你重点搞错了吧杰You know what I would give to wait around 你知道我愿付出多少来换取for a woman like that? 等待这样一个女人的权利吗Reel it in, creepy. 少来了小变态That's your mother up there. 你说的可是你亲娘Sorry, sorry. 抱歉抱歉Once I changed the earrings, I had to change the shoes. 我换了耳环之后就得把鞋子也换了And then I tried on one of Gloria's old dresses, 然后我试穿了歌洛莉亚的一条裙子which made me feel like a 10-year-old boy. 让我觉得自己像个10岁的小男孩Ay, your body's beautiful. 你身材很棒I agree. 我同意Take it outside the family. 留着对外人说去Okay, we ready to go? 准备好出发了吗Wait. I have the wrong lipstick. 等等我拿错了口红Oh! That's it! I've had it! 够了我受够了Just one minute! 就给我一分钟Nothing takes a minute with you. 你不可能一分钟内做完We're leaving right now. 我们现在就走I don't care what you have to do. 我不管你要干嘛It's bad enough you're being rude to me, 你对我这么无礼也就算了but you're being rude 但你这样对那些to the people sitting there waiting for us! 在等着我们的人太不尊重了Sorry, you're the first to arrive, 不好意思你们是最先到的and we can't seat you till everyone's here. 我们必须等到客人来齐后才能让您入座I hope you're happy! 这下你开心了吧Where the hell is everybody? 人都去哪儿了Yes, I hate waiting like this. 我讨厌这样等着别人Do you? 是吗Just because everybody else is late 就算其他人都迟到了doesn't make it okay for us to be late. 并不意味着我们迟到是对的I can't get ready fast with all the yelling! 你总是吼我我没法快速准备好I wasn't yelling. 我没有吼你You see, you're doing it again! 你又在吼我了Gloria, you do this every single time. 歌洛莉亚你每次都是这样If you know how long it takes you to get ready, 如果你清楚你要花很长时间准备why don't you start earlier? 为什么不早点开始呢I have my reasons. 我有原因I would love to know them. 能告诉我吗You're going to be mean. 你会嘲笑人家的I promise I won't be. 我保证我不会I like to make an entrance. 我喜欢华丽地登场What's that, now? 你说什么I like the part where I go in, 我喜欢我走进去的时候and everybody's waiting for me, 大家都在等我and they say, 然后他们说"Gloria, you look so pretty, "歌洛莉亚你看起来好漂亮and that dress is so beautiful." 那裙子好美啊"Is that so bad? 这样有什么不好吗I don't love it. 我不喜欢Oh, this room is so nice. 这里真华丽呀I know. It's almost as gorgeous as -- you monster! 是啊华丽得像...你这个禽兽What? Oh, this? 什么这个吗Well, you know, you couldn't wear it, 反正你也没法穿so I figured, what's the harm? 所以我想我何不穿呢Mm. Okay, you know what? I will go over there, 好你知道吗我现在要走过去and I will be as socially magnetic as I always am. 然后我会一如既往地魅力十足We will put this on the back burner, 我们暂且不提这事but underneath, I want you to know, I am fuming. 但我希望你知道我内心已经气炸了Hey, Jay, where's Gloria? 杰歌洛莉亚呢She's -- she was there a second -- 她刚刚还在那儿呢There are my boys! 我的宝贝儿们来啦Gloria, you look so pretty. 歌洛莉亚你真漂亮That dress is so beautiful. 这裙子太美了You got to be kidding me. 有没有搞错You let him watch those scary shows with you, 你让他跟你一起看那些恐怖电视剧and then we leave him home alone at night. 然后我们大晚上把他一人留在家Of course he's gonna arm himself. 他当然会武装自己了He was fine until you gave him your "50 Ways to Die" speech.你给他讲"50种死法"前他都挺好的What was the one about the welcome mat? 有关"欢迎到来"地毯的说的是什么来着They are highly flammable. 那种地毯非常易燃For seven to ten people a year, 每年有7到10人死于地毯自燃they may as well say, "Welcome to the morgue." 毯子上不如写"欢迎来停尸房"好了You know what? Drop it. 好了别说了I don't want to fight in public. 我不想在公共场合吵架- It's embarrassing. - Fine. -太丢人了 -好吧Hi, how are you? 你好吗Good evening. Good. 晚上好我很好Oh, my leg's asleep! 我的腿麻了My leg's asleep! Okay, thank you. 我的腿麻了好了谢谢Sir, if the rest of your party doesn't arrive soon, 先生如果您的朋友们还不到we have to give up your table. 恐怕就得把桌子让给别人了Any minute. 马上就到Again, dad, sorry we're late. 再次道歉爸我们迟到了Yeah, you know, Mitchell put on some music, 是啊米奇尔放了点音乐and we were primping and dancing around, 我们边收拾边跳起舞来了and I guess, well, we just lost track of time. 然后可能就忘记了时间Actually, dad, what happened 事实上爸真实情况是was Cam was practicing this trick 小卡玩了个把戏where he pretends to be accommodating 假装善解人意却神不知鬼不觉地and then magically gets his way. 得到了自己想要的结果There they are. 他们来了We need a second. 我们要离开一下Oh, Cam, no. 小卡别Where are you guys going? 你们要去哪Can't talk. Too mad. 我不想说话太生气了Oh, God. 天哪Hi, dad. 爸Where's Gloria? 歌洛莉亚在哪里She -- for the love of -- 她看在老天爷的份上There you are! 你们来了Oh, my goodness! That dress! 我的天啊这裙子Gloria, holy mackerel. 歌洛莉亚好家伙We're so sorry we're late. 真抱歉我们迟到了We had to drop Luke off at your place. 我们不得不把卢克送到你们家Phil wanted him to stay home alone, but he got scared. 菲尔想让他自己呆在家但他害怕Man, I can't wait to get some food 老天真想赶紧吃点东西in my mouth and yours. 用食物堵住你的嘴Poor Haley. 可怜的海莉What is she going to do with all those boys? 她带着那些男孩子要怎么办啊*I'll be with him 我会陪着他**I know you will 我料到你会**On that midnight train to Georgia 搭午夜的火车去往乔治亚**Leaving on the midnight train to Georgia 搭午夜去往乔治亚的火车离去*You know what? 你知道么I resent the implication that I always get my way. 我很讨厌你觉得我每次都得偿所愿Really? The "Save the date" cards. 真的吗 "预留时间"卡片For our wedding? 为我们婚礼准备的那个吗Oh. So, it is still our wedding. 那还是"我们"的婚礼啊I wasn't sure I was even invited 我都不确定我是否被邀请了because you keep asking for my opinion 因为尽管你一直问我的意见and then doing the exact opposite. 最后却总是按自己的意愿去做- That's one thing. - What about the music? -那只是特例 -那音乐呢I think our love deserves a band, not a D.J. 我们的爱值得乐队来衬托而不是DJ The tablecloths. 那桌布呢They make sneakers out of that fabric. 那种料子结实到可以用来做球鞋You won't let me pick one thing, and you want to know why? 你什么都不让我选你想知道为什么吗Because I have better taste than you. 因为我的品味比你好I was gonna say because you're a control freak. 我想说的是因为你是个控制狂And how can you think that I have bad taste? 你怎么能认为我品味不好呢We chose the exact same outfit. 我们今天选了一模一样的装扮Did we? 真的吗I wore fun loafers. 我穿了轻松的懒汉鞋You wore sensible oxfords. 你穿了实用的牛津鞋Your collar's buttoned down. 你的领口系的紧Mine's a more current widespread. 我的是时下流行的敞开状And I chose a bold pocket square 我选了一条醒目的方巾to bring out the stripe in the shirt, 去衬托衬衫的条纹all of which you wouldn't have thought of. 所有这些都是你想不到的Because, well, I've already said. 原因呢我刚刚已经说过了You don't like my oxfords? 你不喜欢我的牛津鞋吗I'm sorry. I'm being harsh. 对不起我嘴太毒了- They're fine. - Thank you. -他们还说得过去 -谢谢For a small-town detective. 如果你是个乡村侦探的话Okay, look. I can't help myself. I did it again. 好吧我没忍住我又毒舌了So, I-I don't love them. 我不爱你的鞋But I do love you. 但我爱你And I don't want you to feel left out. 我不想让你感觉被冷落Okay. Then let me have a say in planning our wedding. 好那让我在婚礼策划中有话语权That's what we agreed to. 我们之前说好了的You will, and you should, and I'm sorry. 你会的你也应该有对不起Thank you. 谢谢Can you just do one thing for me? 那你能为我做一件事吗Sure. 当然Just be honest, and I'll let this go forever. 实话回答我然后我就不会再提Did you shake that can? 你到底有没有摇那罐汽水No. 没有I'm gonna ask you one more time. 我再问一遍See, Phil? 看到了吗菲尔They don't let Manny stay home alone. 他们不让曼尼独自呆在家Why do you think Haley's there? 要不然为什么海莉会在那里Actually, we let Manny stay home all the time, 事实上我们经常让曼尼自己在家and sometimes, he makes cupcakes, 有时他还会做小蛋糕which I could use one right about now -- 现在要是能吃上一个就好了or a potato. 或者烤土豆也行。

Clive Bixby. 克里夫·比克斯比What a sexy surprise. 多么性感的惊喜啊Quick question. 快速问答Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? 你从天堂坠落时疼吗Because you--uh... 因为你I'm gonna come in again. 我重新来一次We are watching baby Joe on Valentine's Day 情人节我们得照看小宝贝乔so my dad and Gloria can... 方便我爸和歌洛莉亚可以- Make love. - Ew. Don't. -做爱 -恶别这样The point is, we are celebrating a day early. 重点是我们要提前一天庆祝节日So they can finally be intimate. 好让他们有空亲热You've... more than made that point. 你说得太多了I'm just saying it's a long wait after giving birth. 我只是说他们生完孩子后已经等很久了Six weeks. 六周了I couldn't keep my hands off this one for that long. 我绝对没办法那么长时间不碰这位I can only imagine what Jay's going through. 我能想象杰该多痛苦Voila. 瞧Square knot. Impressive. 方结真了不起I can make any kind of knot. 我可以打各种各样的结It's like I have a sailor in my mouth. 就像我嘴里有位水手似的I should check on the kids. 我得打探一下孩子们的情况Haley took 'em to a movie. She's not even gonna answer. 海莉带他们去看电影了不会接的I know, but, sweetie, I have a good reason to worry. 我知道但是亲爱的我没办法不担心Luke had that nasty nosebleed this morning, 卢克早上鼻血流得厉害and Alex, as usual, fainted. 而艾丽克斯又一如既往地晕过去了She's fine, and Dunphy men get nosebleeds. 她没事的而且邓菲家人容易流鼻血I told you this when we got married. It was in my vows. 我结婚的时候就告诉你了誓词中有说I'm still a little unclear as to why you put them in your vows--我还是有点不明白你为什么要在誓词中提这个Just finish that drink, pretty lady. 快喝完那杯饮料吧美女We got a big night ahead of us. 我们要赶着过漫漫春宵呢Okay. 好吧First, we have a date with romance. 首先我们玩点儿风流浪漫A threesome, if you will. 3P 如果你愿意的话From here, we move on to an old-fashioned blimpnic. 接着我们将进行老式"飞船野餐" Now is that the one where the man has to face out at the woman... 是那种男人面对着女人... It's a picnic on a blimp. 在小飞船上野餐Champagne, cheese, and this beautiful city beneath us. 香槟奶酪美丽的城市尽收眼底That actually sounds really romantic. 听起来真浪漫After that, we swap our earplugs for some earmuffs, 之后我们摘下耳塞换上御寒耳套And take a few moonlit turns around the local ice rink. 到溜冰场的月光下旋转飞舞From there, it's a quick trip back to the hotel, 接着我们就迅速回到旅馆- where... - I'm spinning. -在那里 - 我觉得天旋地转Well, I wouldn't start with that, 我可不想以此开场but, uh, we--we can work our way up to it. 但是我们可以慢慢达到那种境界No. I'm feeling really weird. 不是我真的感觉不妙Catch that, Clive? Just tell me what you want. 听到了吗克里夫告诉我你想要什么Juliana? 朱莉安娜Claire? 克莱尔One of you needs to answer me. 你们俩得回答我一个啊Blood pressure's still good. 血压还正常I think I can send you home. 你可以回家了Great. So it was probably just low blood sugar or something? 太好了只是因为低血糖吗See, honey? I told you it was nothing to worry about. 看吧亲爱的早就说没什么好担心的嘛Well, it's not nothing. 不是没什么You did have a small heart episode. 当时你确实有心动过速的情况Dr. Coben, this may have been my fault. 科本医生那可能是我的错I think I was being... too sexy. 我当时可能太性感了Yeah, I don't think that's an issue. 我不认为是那个问题You sure about that? 你确定吗Um, doctor, you're not saying that 医生你的意思不是指I had a heart attack or something, right? 我是心脏病发作吧Not at all. What you have is a very minor arrhythmia, 不是只是非常轻微的心律不齐known as wolff-parkinson-white syndrome. 也就是常说的预激综合征It's hereditary, so you're off the hook. 那是遗传性的所以跟你没关系Oh, yeah. My mom has that. 对啊我妈有这病We'll treat it with medication 我们会进行药物治疗and have you back in a couple of days. 你们几天后再回来In the meantime, just take it easy. 同时得悠着点就行了Okay. Thank you! 好的谢谢I guess we should tell your dad 我们是不是该跟你爸说we can't watch the baby tomorrow. 我们明天照顾不了宝宝了No. No. 不行不行I don't want everyone to know about this. 我不想让别人知道They're just gonna get worried 他们会担心的and--and make a bigger deal of it than it is. 然后小题大做Sweetheart, promise me? 亲爱的答应我I promise. I know it's not that big a deal. 好啦我知道不是什么大事This is a huge deal... 那是非常大的事for which I'm partly responsible, 我绝对要负一点责任in spite of what Claire's lesbian doctor says. 不管克莱尔的拉拉医生怎么说Hey, honey, I was just reading about this wolff-white thing. 亲爱的我在看这种病的相关资料It's not that serious. You're gonna be fine. 没那么严重你会没事的I know. 我知道Who's ready to hit the ice? 有人想去滑冰吗- What? - Come on. -什么 -拜托Somebody promised me a moonlit skate. 有人答应我去月下滑冰的But didn't the doctor say you needed to take it easy? 但医生不是让你悠着点吗Oh, that's just one of those things they have to say, 他们总是这样说啦Like, "You can't drink when you're pregnant." 比如怀孕的时候别喝酒Come on. We're not gonna seriously blow off valentine's day, 拜托我们不能白白浪费了情人节啊are we? 对吧No. I just thought why... ice things down 不我只是想为什么要去溜冰when we could heat things up? 我们可以好好亲热亲热- Oh, I like where this is going. - Right? -我喜欢这样 -是吗- Yes. - Yeah? -是啊 -是吗Ye--no! 是不Honey, I know what you're doing. 亲爱的我知道你要干嘛You're treating me like a patient, 你把我当成个病人- and you promised that you wouldn't. - No. -但你答应过我不会这样的 -不No, no, no, no, no. I just had a better idea. 不不不我想到了个更好的点子What? 什么Side-by-side couples massage. 肩并肩夫妻按摩Just you, me, and a couple Cambodian guys 只有你和我以及几个柬埔寨人to work us over good. 让我们全身爽翻天Specific. 真具体What is that? 什么声音You think the kids are home? 是孩子们回家了吗That sounds like more than our three. 好像不止我们家那三个They think we're not home, and they're having a party. 他们以为我们不在家就开派对了- I'm killing them. - No, no, no. No, no, no. -我要杀了他们 -不不不不不不"A"--it's my turn to kill them. 首先应该由我去杀了他们"B"--you need to order up those massages. 其次你还得打电话叫按摩师It's under "Best number one U.S.A. Coca-cola good time massage."在"顶尖美国可口可乐好时光按摩所"下面What the hell is going on?! 搞什么玩意儿啊Dad? What are you doing home? 爸你怎么在家So this is how it is? 你们就这样吗We're gone for a minute, and you guys throw a party? 我们前脚出门你们后脚就搞起了派对No! 没有Just texted mom we're having a good time at the movies.刚给妈发短信说我们在电影院玩得很爽It works every t--aah! 每回都有效- So this is a regular thing? - No! -居然还经常这么搞 -没有You know the drill. Coolers our b--aah--ack! 你们都很熟悉了吧凉饮在后面Enough! Turn off the music! 够了把音响关掉Everybody who I did not create, get out of my house right now! 不是我生的立刻给我滚出去I don't want to get upset. 我不想生气I've been through enough tonight. 我今晚已经够难受的了- What happened? - I'm not supposed to tell you. -出什么事了 -我不该告诉你们的When you say it like that, we make it worse in our head. 你这么说我们只会更乱想Fine. It's no big deal. 好吧不是什么大事Your mother had to go to the hospital. 你们的妈妈进了趟医院- Oh, my god! - What?! -天呐 -什么That is so much worse than it would be in our heads! 那比我们乱想的还要糟糕She's fine. She just passed out a little. 她没事只是昏倒了一会Something to do with her heart. 心脏出了点毛病- Like a heart attack?! - Mom had a heart attack?! -难道是心脏病发作 -妈妈心脏病发作了- Mom almost died of a heart attack?! - No! -妈妈几乎心脏病发作死了 -不是She had a little episode, probably triggered by me. 她心脏出了点小毛病很可能是我引发的She just needs to rest. 她休息休息就好了For once, let's not think about ourselves. 就这一次我们别只想着我们自己Phil, everything okay? 菲尔没出什么事吧Fine! I'm coming! 没事我来了Just act like everything's normal. 都表现正常点Oh, and if, uh, two Cambodian guys show up, 如果来了两个柬埔寨人Send them to our bedroom. 让他们去我们卧室Kids had a few friends over. 孩子们请了几个朋友来玩I handled it. 我都搞定了So you're good at handling things. 你很擅长"搞"定事情嘛You like? 喜欢不Me love, but is this appropriate massage wear? 我爱死了但穿这做按摩不太合适吧They were busy, which is what we should be getting. 他们很忙的我们也该"忙"起来Honey. 亲爱的Honey, are you sure this is okay for your--aah! 亲爱的你确定心脏承受得住吗Honey, are you sure this is okay for your--aah! [Salty:咸的下流的猥亵的]Salty. 咸咸的I still have a few moves. 我技巧"咸"熟着呢Mm, that's the chips, sweetie. 是薯片的咸味亲爱的- Oh, sorry. - Right. -对不住 -没事儿Mom, we need to talk to you. 妈我们需要和你谈谈Dad told us not to say anything, 爸让我们什么都别说But we're really worried about you. 但我们真的很担心你- You told them?! - No! -你告诉他们了 -没有You had a heart attack? 你心脏病发作了- Phil! - That is not what I said. -菲尔 -我可不是这么说的Kids, everything is fine. 孩子们一切都很好- Call 9-1-1! - Oh, god! -快打911 -上帝Her heart exploded! 她的心脏爆炸了Oh, my god! I did it again! 我的天我又害了你Phil, it's your nose! 菲尔是你的鼻血This is the one thing-- 我就这么一个要求The one thing I ask from you is not to make a big deal of this, 我就这么一个要求让你别小题大做And you couldn't even do that. 你却这都做不到Honey, you need to stay calm. 亲爱的你得保持冷静No, I don't, because I am fine. 不我不用我好得很We are all fine. 我们都很好- Oh, god. - Haley, revive your sister. -我的天 -海莉弄醒你的妹妹Not in the mood for an apology, Phil. 没心情听你道歉菲尔Good, 'cause you're not gettin' one. 很好我也没打算道歉I'm allowed to worry about you. 我有权担心你Yeah, when there's something to worry about. 是没错但总得有担心的事出现吧But this was nothing. I told you, my mom has this. 但这压根没事我跟你说了我妈也这样Which I just found out about today. 但我却今天才知道How has that not come up in 20 years? 为什么过去20年都没这样I was... getting to it. 我到...年纪了呗Look, I know you feel like 我知道你总觉得you have to be the rock for this family 自己该是家里的顶梁柱and worry about everybody's boy problems and nosebleeds 女儿男朋友的事儿子流鼻血的事And... who has enough greens. 蔬菜吃得够不够They're supposed to cover half the plate. 蔬菜就得占到半盘子Claire, stop it. 克莱尔别这样了I'm saying you could let us take care of you 我是说你可以让我们来照顾你every once in a while. 时不时的Like for example, when you clutch your chest and collapse. 比如你心脏不好晕倒的时候This house isn't gonna crumble in the dust 你柔弱一下子if you let yourself be vulnerable. 房子又不会就塌了We don't know that. 那可说不准We could find out. 我们可以试一试It was kind of scary. 我当时是有点害怕Of course. 我知道- Until I knew what it was, and then-- - Don't ruin it. -但我一知道是什么就... -别毁氛围I just have one more question. 我还有一个问题Did it hurt? 当时疼吗Well, I blacked out before I-- 我还没怎么感觉就昏过去了When you fell from heaven? 当你从天堂坠落的时候Nailed it. 成功Nailed it. 2月14日上午7:05You just take care of Claire. We got Joe. 你照顾好克莱尔乔我们自己来Gloria? 歌洛莉亚Si, mi amor? 在我的爱人Happy valentine's-- 情人节快...Wait. Wait. Wait. Time-out. 等等等等先停一下That was Phil. They can't watch Joe today. 菲尔刚来电话他们今天没法照顾乔了Claire was in the emergency room last night. 克莱尔昨天进了急诊室- Is she okay? - She's gonna be fine, -她还好吗 -她没事- But, you know, she had a little bit-- - Okay, good. -但你懂的她有点... -那就行I love how you look in this suit. 你穿这套西装真是帅呆了Let's see how it looks on the floor, okay? 看看躺着还帅不帅行不Okay, but I gotta be in a meeting in one hour. 好吧但我一小时后要去开会Ay, that's so cute that after six weeks, 你真是傻得可爱都六周没做了you think you're going to need an hour! 你竟然觉得你还能持续一小时Happy valentine's day! 情人节快乐It's the one time of the year 一年中就这么一天when the world tries to be as romantic as I am all the time.全世界的人都想和平常的我一样浪漫- Good luck, world. - Get out. -祝好运世界 -滚出去Anyway, since you're almost done dressing Jay... 既然你都快帮杰穿好衣服了How about we head to school early? 我们今天就早点去学校吧I'll check my hair and meet you in the car. 我再去梳把头我们车里见Gloria, I'll be back in two hours, tops. 歌洛莉亚我最多2小时后就回来We decide who does what when you come back. 我们等你回来时再决定体位动作等问题I got a ticket running a red light... 我因为闯红灯收到一张罚单So let's make this worth it. Put the kid down. 我们好歹让我被罚得值把孩子放下I can't. He's being a real Pritchett. 我不能他现在是个典型的普里契特We need to come up with a different term for that. 我们不能用我的姓来代指臭脾气Watch. 瞧好了Watch. 瞧好了Okay, I used to have a TV got reception like that. 好吧我以前有台电视接收信号也是时断时续Let me try. Hey, Joe Joe. Hey buddy. 我来试试乔乔嘿小家伙Guy to guy, 男人之间悄悄说you're blocking me a little bit. You know that. 你现在有点阻碍我的好事哦你知道的Yes, you do. Yes, you do, Joe. 你知道的你知道的乔Hey, how about a half-hour? What do you say, pal? Huh? 睡半小时怎么样你觉得如何小兄弟Can you do it? 你能做到吗Attaboy! 乖宝宝I've never been more attracted... to you. 你从未像此刻这般令我心动Prove it. 证明给我看- Are you kissing? - That's a bit of a mood killer. -你们在接吻吗 -你可真会毁气氛My daddies kiss a lot. 我大爸二爸也经常接吻And flatlined. 彻底毁了Mitch and Cam are having a party for valentine's. 米奇和小卡要办个情人节派对Claire was supposed to take care of her, but now she can't. 克莱尔本来是要照顾她的但她现在没法照顾了Lily, we're so happy to have you here. 莉莉我们真高兴你来玩I have a big surprise for you! 我为你准备了一个大惊喜哦Look! A brand-new, shiny TV remote! 瞧一个崭新的电视遥控器Looks complicated. 看上去好复杂哦Just keep hitting all those buttons until something good happens. 你就随便乱按总会有好节目出现的Just keep hitting all those buttons until something good happens. [Button也指女人的兴奋点] That's my plan, anyway. 反正我就是打算那样做的Where were all these distractions 怎么现在都来搅局啊the night that Joe was conceived? 我们造出乔的那晚他们怎么不来啊I'm kidding. He's a blessing. 我开玩笑的他是个天赐的礼物Can I help you? 请问有何贵干Yeah, I'm Harlan. I'm here to do your baby proofing. 你好我叫哈伦我是来安装婴儿防护的Jay, I've been waiting for this appointment for weeks. 杰我等这个预约已经等了几星期了I've waited longer for mine. 我的"预约"等得更久The human race has survived for a thousand years 人类安然无恙地存活一千多年了without these foam bumpers and--and gates everywhere.都没用到这些泡沫保险杠和婴儿防护门Hell, I used to drive to the supermarket 老天我以前开车去超市with Mitchell and Claire on the hood of the car. 米奇尔和克莱尔就坐在引擎盖上When did everybody get so overprotective? 什么时候大家都变得这么过度保护了Maybe when kids started flying off cars. 或许就从孩子们从车上飞出去开始How long? 需要多久Normally I have help, but Dale, uh... 通常我会有个帮手但是戴尔...You met Dale at the shop. He's a tall guy. 你之前在店里见过戴尔他是个大高个- He's my sister's kid-- - Hey, listen. -他是我姐姐的孩子 -听着You and I are gonna bang this out in about an hour. 你和我要在1小时内把这些都装好Where do you want it? 你想装在哪儿I know a lot of people think that I'm attracted to Jay 我知道很多人都认为我喜欢杰because of his money, but they're wrong. 是因为他的钱但他们都错了I'm attracted to him because he's sexy, 我被他吸引是因为他很性感And he's never been sexier than today. 他今天更是性感爆棚The suit... 那身西装The carrying of the boxes... 扛盒子时威武雄壮的样子No, no. You listen to me. 不不你给我听好了You've had my wife's car four days. 我妻子的车已经送过去4天了Figure out what that screeching noise is, 检查出那尖锐的摩擦声是怎么回事or you'll be making one yourself. 否则我就打得你尖叫不止The yelling on the phone... 对着电话霸气的训斥Give me that. 给我And the drilling. 以及"钻孔"的样子So much drilling. "钻"得"好深好深"Time to go, Harlan. 你该走了哈伦Okay. You want me to walk you through any of the-- 好的你需要我给你讲解一下... - No, we'll take it from here. - Okay. Uh, listen. -不用了我们自己来吧 -好吧听着Give me a call if you have any trouble with the gates, 如果防护门出现问题你们就给我打个电话because they're a little tricky, you know? 因为那些门有时候不太好用You gotta be gentle with it. 你们用的时候一定要轻轻的Ten seconds, or I start without you. 10秒钟否则你不来我也"开工"了Ready or not, here I... 不管你准备好没有我这就...Come on! 快开啊Okay, you have to lift it. 你必须得往上抬一下It's not a lift. It's a squeeze. 那不是抬的是往里面挤的Okay, then squeeze it! 好吧那你就挤啊I'm squeezing it! It's impossible! 我正在挤呢根本打不开Jay, please. 杰拜托Best day ever! 我最开心的一天I just got invited to a valentine's party by a secret admirer!我刚被一个暗恋我的人邀请参加情人节派对- You should go. - Sounds great! Go! -你应该去 -听着好棒啊快去I obviously need to get dressed first. 我显然得盛装打扮一番Can you keep it under a half-hour? 你能控制在半小时以内吗You're funny. 你真搞笑Manny, come on. Let's go! 曼尼快点快走吧Relax. 放轻松You don't have to drive me. It's just down the street. 你不需要开车送我去就在街尾Oh, I thought I... had to drive you. 我以为我必须要送你呢What's with the hat? 你干嘛戴顶帽子My secret admirer requested 我的暗恋者要求I wear a hat with a feather in it. 我戴一顶有羽毛的帽子I'm like, "Which one?" 我就在想哪顶啊Really? 是吗This secret admirer have any other requests? 那个暗恋者有其他要求吗Uh, yes. 字幕She asked me to bring some poetry to recite at the party. 她还让我准备些诗歌在派对上吟诵These, uh, kids at the party... 那些参加派对的孩子they wouldn't be the popular ones by any chance? 他们应该不是那些受欢迎的孩子吧The most popular. Why? 都是最受欢迎的红人怎么了No reason. Just... Have fun. 没什么你玩得开心I will. 我会的No, Jay. 不杰It's squeeze. 需要往里面挤What? I have cigar breath? 怎么我有口臭吗It's not you. 不是你的原因Ay. Did you already... 难道你已经射...What? 什么No! 不是No. I'm worried about Manny. 不我是担心曼尼I think he's being set up for 我觉得他正步入一个陷阱some kind of humiliation at that party. 在派对上会大出洋相的Oh. That's so sweet of you to worry. 你为他担心真是个好父亲的样子Just when you thought that you couldn't get any sexier. 我之前以为你的性感已经到顶无法再突破了呢- Yeah, he's fine, right? - Yeah, he's fine. -他会没事的对吧 -嗯他会没事的Come here... 快过来Oh, I think I gotta check on him. 我觉得我得去看看他There was something about some kind of secret admirer 他说有个什么暗恋他的人- getting him to... - Bring his poems? -让他... -带上他写的诗是吧Yeah, he told me when I was lint-rolling his jacket. 我给他的上衣除毛时他跟我说了And you're not worried it's a prank? 难道你不担心那是个恶作剧吗Of course I worry. 我当然担心了I worry about him all the time. 我总是为他担心But like you said, 但就像你说的we can't protect them from everything. 我们没法保护他们免受一切伤害So I'm just trying to, like, let go a little bit. 所以我是在试着放开一点Let him ride on top of the car? 让他坐在车顶上吗No, that's just crazy. 不那太疯狂了That's the hardest part, isn't it? 那是最难的一点不是吗When you realize you can't stop the world from hurting them.当你意识到你无法阻止这个世界伤害他们Now you're making me want to cry. 你说得我好想哭This is not what this day is all about. 今天不该这样的You're right. 你说得对Okay. 好I'll go and get us some champagne. 我去给我们拿点香槟来Good idea. 好主意Manny? 曼尼No, nothing. 不没事Just wanted to know if everything is okay. 我就是想问问你还好吗Hi, honey. Sorry to bother you. 喂乖女儿抱歉打扰你I know you're resting. 我知道你在休息I heard you had a little scare last night. 我听说你昨晚晕倒了Hey, uh, when are you going back to the doctor? 你什么时候再去看医生'cause if you want, I can go with you. 如果你愿意我可以陪你一起去'cause if you want, I can go with you. 2月15日上午9:30This year for Valentine's Day, 今年的情人节we decided to throw a lonely hearts party 我们决定给所有的单身朋友for all of our single friends. 办场"孤心派对"Sometimes when we're around them, 有时在他们周围we feel a little guilty for having found each other, 我们会为自己找到了真命天子而内疚like we're waving our love in their faces. 就好像我们故意在他们面前秀幸福似的There's gotta be a better way of saying that. 你非要说得这么残酷吗Anyway, it was supposed to be an elegant affair. 总之我们本来打算办场高雅的派对Ogle me. 瞧我的媚眼Showtime. Put the cat away. 好戏要开始咯把猫拿走Okay. Yeah. Great. 好的好的- Oh, and, Mitchell, please... Hey. - Yeah? -对了米奇尔 -怎么了Please try to have fun tonight. 今晚你要放开了好好玩儿I always have fun. 我一直都很放得开啊No, I know you're great at stay-at-home fun 不我知道你很擅长宅在家里玩儿and sit-on-the-couch fun, 或是窝在沙发里玩儿but this is party fun, and sometimes you-- 但这是派对狂欢而你有时...Okay, this is not fun. 行了这样可不好玩Get the door. 去开门I will show you some fun. 让小哥我放开玩给你看Things got a little hazy after that. 那之后的事情就有点记不清了Hello? 喂Yeah, hi--hi, dad. 爸你好No, no. I'm up. I am up. 不不我起来了起来了Yeah, bring her by at any time. 好送她过来吧随时都行Okay. Good night. 好晚安Oh, Cam. 小卡Oh, god, that was some party last night. 天呐昨晚还真是疯狂的派对啊Yeah. Well, I'm just glad you made it home safely. 是啊我很高兴你安全回来了Wha--made--made it ho-- I don't-- 什么回来我不...I don't even remember leaving the party. 我都不记得我离开过Oh, I-I think I got a little tipsy. 我好像是有点微醺Tipsy? 微醺You were like all of the "Mad Men." 你比《广告狂人》里的人喝得都醉Oh, no, no, no. 不不不Don't make it out like I did a lot of crazy, out of control-- 别弄得就跟我有多疯狂多失控似的I was hoping I dreamt that. 我以为那是我梦中的情景呢Come on. Like--like you've never had a few cocktails 行啦就跟你没有在喝高之后and died a cat pink with cherry Kool-Aid. 用樱桃酒把猫染成粉色过似的Okay. Well, is there anything else you need to tell me about? 好吧还有什么别的需要告诉我的吗Not that I remember. 我不记得有什么了I'm remembering this. 现在记起这事了Oh, my gosh, Mitchell, 天呐米奇尔are these Burt and Dottie Winchell's 那是伯特和道迪·温切尔家的Christmas decorations? How could you? 圣诞节装饰物吗你怎么能这样They never take them down, okay? 他们到现在都没收起来I was doing the whole neighborhood a favor. 我这是给整个社区做了件好事Oh, god. 天呐Cam, I... You know, I think-- I-I think there are pictures. 小卡我觉得...好像还拍了照片I remember Pepper and Longinus were--okay. 我记得胡娇和朗吉娜...好吧Oh, my gosh. Those poor reindeer. 天呐可怜的小驯鹿Oh, it seems like Prancer is the belle of the ball-- 似乎"欢腾"才是派对之花啊Oh, it seems like Prancer is the belle of the ball-- ["跳跃"和"悍妇"是圣诞老人的驯鹿的名字] No surprise there. 不出意料Oh. You must be Vixen. 你一定就是"悍妇"咯Okay. Okay. Not funny, Mitchell. 行了行了这不好笑米奇尔Look at this place. What were you thinking? 瞧瞧我们家你脑子进水了吧Okay. Cam, I... Yes, I went a little nuts, all right? 小卡我我是有点疯狂过度了I-I'm sorry. 我很抱歉But I didn't do anything that can't be undone. 但我没做任何不能挽回的事啊Hey, roomies. 早啊室友们Hey, thank you so much for letting me move in here. 真的很感谢你们让我搬来住Yes. Could you excuse us for just a... 好能让我们先单聊a moment, Dylan? 一会儿吗迪兰Yeah. Take as much time as you need. 好尽管聊别着急It's your house. I just live here now. 这是你们家我只是住在这里而已Cam, did--did I tell him that he could live with us? 小卡是我让他住进来的吗- Obviously. - Oh, my god. -显然啊 -天呐Was he even at our party? 他参加我们的派对了吗Yes. He's been driving a limousine for some company, 是的他在某个公司做豪华轿车司机and J'marcus hired him for the night, 耶玛库斯昨晚雇了他and now he lives here. Are you all caught up there? 现在他搬来这里住了你想起来没有I-I don't remember any of this. 我一点都不记得了Well, let's create a new memory-- 那我们来创造新的记忆吧One where you tell him he can't live here. 你去告诉他他不能住这里Can I say one short thing? 我能说句话吗I came to this house a broken man 昨晚来到这里时我心灰意冷after my mom threw me out for her new boyfriend. 我妈妈为了她的新男友把我赶出了家And then I found out 后来我又发现I was getting let go from the limo company 轿车公司要开除我the same night Haley goes to a party without me. 与此同时海莉又抛下我去参加派对So I had nothing and no one. 我一无所有无依无靠And then you... 而你们Okay. Come on. Tell him. 赶紧的告诉他Let him finish. 让他说完I'm sorry. 对不起I mean, gay dudes have always been nice to me-- 我知道同性恋们总是对我很好I mean, super nice. 超级好But nothing like this. 但从没有像你们这样的I guess what I'm trying to say is... 我想我要说的是Oh, my god. He's gonna sing. 天呐他要开唱了吗*So many years living life underwater 多年来凄凄惨惨地活着**Came up for air in the room of your daughter 终于在令媛的房间找到人间温暖**I never knew I would find my answer 我从未想过我会在**In my ex-girlfriend's uncles' house 前女友舅舅家里找到答案**With the tiny pink panther 有一只小小的粉色美洲豹相伴*Dylan, Dylan. I'm--I'm sorry. 迪兰迪兰打断下Oh, gosh, I--this is... 我的天这真是This is really hard for me to say, 这真是太难说出口了but we--we just cannot... 但我们不能Not wash our cat. 不去把猫洗一下I'm sorry. 抱歉And yet when I did that drunk, not a scratch. 我喝醉了那样对它它一下也没抓我Oh, my gosh, this place is cleaner than when we moved in. 我的天比我们刚搬进来时还要干净Best houseguest ever. 他是史上最好的房客No, we are not keeping him. 不行不能收留他Do you think he took the christmas decorations back to the Winchell's?你觉得他把圣诞装饰送回温切尔家了吗Oh, well, I think he thinks he did. 我想他自以为这样做了- What? - Okay, yeah. -什么 -是的- Dylan! - Dylan! -迪兰 -迪兰- Dylan! - No, no, no! -迪兰 -不不要Oh, hey, guys. I'm up here. 伙计们我在上面Yeah, hi. Listen, Dylan, 是的听着迪兰those decorations were on the yard... 那些装饰是放在院子里的Of that house. 那家的院子Oh. No good deed, huh? 这样啊想做好事变坏事了Hey! I can see our house from here. 喂从这里可以看到我们的家- Oh, jeez. Are you kidding me? - Dylan! Dylan! -老天开什么玩笑 -迪兰迪兰。

Yeah, honey, Mitchell helped mepick up the shirt. You're gonna love it.Oh, I wish I could pick you up some lip glossbut we are already at the car.Okay, bye, honey.Getting pretty good, huh?Yeah, but you were always good.I'm just glad you stuck with it.Seriously?What?It's playing itself.I didn't know.You honestly thought that I just became a piano virtuoso, dad? You knew my whole life.Have you ever seen me take a lesson?I thought maybe you were self-taught.Oh, I'm sorry. You're right.- Like when I taught myself to play the clarinet. - Exactly.I never played the clarinet.Can we drop it?Let's go get an ice cream.What about my lactose intolerance?Oh, I'm not loving this game.This sucks.My teacher gave me mononucleosis.My teacher gave me mononucleosis.As a parent, I feel I should ask about this.Slow down. It's not like she gets that many tugs on the line. It's for A.P. Bio.We have to write a report about a disease,and I got the worst one. This is a joke.Actually, it's pretty serious.Back in college, I caught monofrom my roommate, Ling.Served us right for fooling around.Never share a flute, kids.Hey, can you drop me off at the library?Sorry. I'm meeting some friends at that coffee shop on lake. You mean the one next to the library?That's a library?I thought it was a churchfor a religion that didn't allow makeup.When is the washing machine gonna get fixed?I'm wearing a swimsuit underneath my pants.Everybody's gonna have clean clothes soon.The repair guy's supposed to come todaybetween 10:00 and 2:00.Oh! Honey, can you be here for that?Can I sit around in an empty house and wait for someone? Baby, I'm a realtor.I have a license for that.You sure you don't mind?Go. Run your errands.It'll give me a chance to get started on these dishes. Oh, good. All right, come on, Luke.All right. See you guys later.Oh. More dishes than I thought.That lasagna's gonna be a tough one. Somebody's gonna need a scrub brush.Hello?What?No...way!June 10, 1988.Carla Concannon and I spent the afternoon frolicking at the public pool.Later, at her house, things got privatewhile a 45 of Carly Simon's"Nobody does it better" played.It was my first time, her first time...with me.I always thought it'd be fun to own that 45.When the record store finally called that morning, I ran right down so I wouldn't miss the repairman.I had to have it.It was the chance to relivethose magical 3 minutes and 42 seconds,which was also the length of the song.But then it dawned on me --I was cheating on my wifewith the red-hot memory of another woman.I could not let Claire find out.I had to destroy the evidence.Luckily, I'm cool under pressure.What?! No!When did he...?Come on!There were a couple of snags,but I think I covered my tracks pretty well.I'm so sorry it took so long to get you these clothes.I left them in the back of my carand completely forgot about them.Sounds familiar.I was in the pharmacy for three minutes.You had a cracked window and a juice box.Let's retire that story.Can I wear this for the family photo?Oh, honey, that's adorable, but, you know,Gloria wants us in jeans and a black T-shirt -- Classic and casual.And then maybe afterwards, we can stop byand change the scenery in a high-school play. That is a really cute dress.Oh, yeah, thank you. Just got it yesterday. Really?It reminds me of something I gave you six months ago. Do you ever put her in the girls' hand-me-downs?- Oh, yeah. All the time. - Really?Because if my girls' old clothes aren't to your taste,I could always just... give them to somebody else! Okay, calm down, Claire.Your voice is getting to that pitch that disturbs our cat. Oh, my God.You will not believe what dad just said.So, we're at the mall, right?And there's a piano there. I sit down behind it.- I start... - Come on, Mitchell.He's just not wired for compliments.I'm sure your playing was great.I don't play the piano. I've never taken a lesson.- Are you sure? - Oh, my god.My own family doesn't even know me.Mitchell, please. Don't be so sensitive.You don't see me pitching a fitbecause Cam is too much of a snobto use our hand-me-downs.Sn-- I'm sorry -- snob?I will have you know I come from simple farm folk. There is permanent dirt underneaththese fingernails from working the soil.Really?I had no idea that re-potting your orchidscounted as "Working the soil."Okay, they're in soil, are--You know what? I don't want to talk about this.I don't need to listen to this.I'm gonna go out and get some air.I know the feeling.Retire it. Seriously.Does Joe look a little pale to you?This whole country looks pale to me.I think he needs a little color for tonight's photograph. What do you think is the minimum age for a spray tanning? Now that Joe is hereand that his head is finally normal-shaped,I decided to take a new family portrait.Hola!How did it go at the mall?Bought a shirt, angered my son --another successful outing.Ooh. I've been wanting to do this.Quick -- what's the ring around an angel's head?- What? - Halo!You did the angel one!Ordinarily, I'd be delighted,but this isn't gonna be one of our fun chats.You mean like that time you called mewhen you saw that blimp?It was so low, they waved back.I'd done a pretty good jobeliminating all traces of that record,but there was still one loose end.You know, earlier today,when we ran into each other on the street?I didn't see you. You didn't see me.Okay, so you're sayingwhatever either one of us might have been doingwill remain forever --I didn't see you. You didn't see me.Just to be c-- hello?Jay's so cool. He gets it.I didn't know what he was talking about,but I needed him to keep his trap shut.You see, lately, I may have been dabblingin something that... strong, virile men like mearen't supposed to be dabbling in.And it wouldn't exactly fit my imageif people found out I was considering entering...a certain adorable dog in a dog show.a certain adorable dog in a dog show.Gloria thought I was out getting my tires rotated. Actually, I was buying Stella a decorative show collar -- you know, just in case.I figure if she looks beautiful,she'll feel beautiful.Guess who we ran into at the library.How would I know? I was here the whole time. Sanjay Patel. He's got Crohn's disease.- No! - I know. So lucky.He's totally going to win that science scholarship. He should use it to find a cure for baldness,'cause that kid is 16 with a comb-over.That's it!I'm just gonna pick a new topic.I want a disease that everyone in the schoolis going to talk about.All right!Why are you standing there?'Cause I missed you. I love you so much.Oh, wow. Love you, too.How'd it go with the repair guy?The repair guy came, but I missed him."Why? What were you doing?""Listening to a record.""What record?" "It's not important.""Phil!""The soundtrack to my first sexual experiencethat I think about from time to time.Honey, where are you going?! Don't take the kids!"He didn't show up.What?! That is so annoying!I know. Put away your groceries.I'll call him and reschedule.No, no, no, no, no. You are too nice.I am calling.I am not resting till I get to the bottom of this.It's no big deal.It's not the first time I've been stood up by some guy. Oh, listen to your words, Phil.Yep. Yep.She called me a snob, Mitchell.I'm -- oh, I'm sorry if I don't rushto throw Lily in every bargain-bin ragClaire tosses our way.You're not really shedding the "Snob" tag with that. Look, why don't we just put Lilyin one of Alex's shirts for the picture tonight?She'll see right through that.No, you're thinking of Haley's shirts.No, I mean it'll look ke we're doing itjust because she brought it up.Well, I know. That's why I'm looking for a photoof Lily in a hand-me-down to show Claire,but I-I can't seem to find one.By the way, I'm barely in any of these.Mitchell, are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting? Yes! Sometimes I feel like this family looks right past -- You're suggesting that we stage a photograph.Put Lily in some hand-me-downs.Make it look like it's from the past --Christmas, say -- just to prove Claire wrong.Simplicity itself.That's not remotely what I'm saying --Mitchell, don't second-guess yourself.It's simplicity itself.Yes, once again, I would like to speak to a supervisor. Listen, if my husband said nobody came, nobody came. Dad, it's your move.No, I think I should just play it cool for now.I'm so sorry.Score!I got a disease that's rare and fun-- narcolepsy.The company swears that the driver was here at 10:00. They're putting him through to me right now.I'm gonna chip away at his story.Let's see how you get out of this.I'm thinking.It's a neurological conditionwhere people under extreme stress actually fall asleep.It's like a way for the brain to escape.I bet he was doing something he shouldn't have.I'm just gonna let him keep talking till he makes a mistake. Everybody makes mistakes.And the noose tightens.Why were my headphones in the couch?Oh, good. You do keep GPS logs on all your drivers. There's no way out.Let me just write down your name.Hey, does anybody need a receipt from Flipside Records? Damn it!I didn't even see that!I see you're registered for tonight's show.First one, huh?Yeah.I'm not sure I'm comfortablewith that whole prancing-in-a-circle thingin front of everybody.Can someone else run her through her routine?It has to be the owner.I suppose that's the best. We have a rapport.All right. See you at 5:00.5:00.Uh, I got a family thing at 5:00.Do these things tend to start on time?Of course. It's not a cat show.Well, I better speed it along. Come on.I can't believe mom made me take you here.This is my only black shirt,and mom needs me to wash it.It's only when I see the less fortunatethat I realize how lucky my clothes are.All the machines are taken. We're gonna have to wait. Oh, I am not spending any more timein fluorescent lighting than I have to.You're gonna sneak your shirt in with someone else's load -- Like that guy's. Go that way.I'll distract him.Excuse me.Haley?Oh, my god. Kevin.It's "Keith."You really don't rememberthe guy you abandoned at Coachella?I didn't abandon you. I-I texted you.That deejay put me in a trance.Yeah. It's -- it's almostlike you were using me for tickets.Oh. That's crazy.Can you get those again?Or was that just, like, a one-time thing with your uncle?It was a one-time thing.Okay, so, good seeing you.Yeah.- Remind me never to date you. - You wish.Please. I could totally get you.Like to see you try.All right, Lily, can you come in here, please?It's Christmas already?Probably should have prepped her.Okay, no, it's not actually Christmas.We're just gonna take a fun photo.Which I am going to be in because I am a member of the -- Where is my stocking?Oh, relax.It's not in the shot, and neither are you.Here -- I want you to take the picture from right over here. This way. Okay, great.Lily, I want you to put this onand then stand in front of the tree, and we'll pop a shot off. Ooh! Look at all the pretty presents!Those are just empty boxes.You're killing me!I don't know which one it is!I didn't see him put it in!Wait! I think I found it.He's coming!What?! No!What are you doing?Uh, I-I saw that your laundry was done,and I was gonna fold it for you to make us even for what you thought that I did that I didn't do. Even?I held your popcorn for eight hourswaiting for you to come back.I walked all the parking areas twice,checked every medical tent.By the time I got back to my car,it had been broken into and the battery was gone.I had to trade my festival passfor a ride home in a horse trailer.But...Looks like someone got a concert t-shirt. Dad, is there anything bothering youthat might be causing -- I don't know --major psychological stress?No. I've been acting normally, haven't I?Did something happen earlier today?Uh, nothing at all.Because you seem a little tense.What? No, I don't! Stop badgering me!I love your mom! Let's listen to some music. Boy, the way you cook things up sometimes,it's a little --- Dad! - What?!You fell asleep!It's like the fifth time today.I think it has something to do with that guynot showing up to fix the washing machine.Well, that's not exactly what happened.You snuck out to buy"Nobody Does It Better" from Flipside Records,and he showed up?That's more exactly what happened.How do you know all this?I've been watching you all day.I think the guilt from that has been causing you to fall asleep. So you know about Carla?I do now.- Dad! - What is happening?!I was skeptical about the jeans and t-shirt,but I like it.Any chance the photographer could fire off a couple solo shots? Look at the bottom of Joe's face.What happened? Did you leave him in the sun?No, I took him out for five minutesto give him a little color.I must have not closed the visor all the way down.Why is it so important to you that he has color?Because we're sending this pictureto our family in Colombia,and I have a son that doesn't even look Colombian.Now they're gonna look at this picture,and they're gonna think that I am a terrible mother,that I can't even take care of my own child.I think your reputation is set.I can still do this with my arm'cause I slept in the sink till I was 3.Ha-lo!People are here. I'll deal with Joe.- Okay. - Come on, buddy.Ohh. Come on.Hola. Claire is on her way.Dad, you have to confess to mom.Clearing your conscience is the only way to make this stop. Really?I hope so, or else I have to rewrite the whole end of my paper. Just the two of you? Where's the rest?I had hoped to get this picture thing wrapped up by 5:00! They're all coming separately.Cam, do me a favor -- call Mitchell and light a fire under him. I'm right here, dad.Oh. Good. I didn't see you come in.You opened the door for me.You thanked me for bringing a bottle of Chardonnay. Doesn't sound like me.Hey, guys. We're here.Finally. Let's do this.Luke, where's your black shirt?Right here. I'll get changed.All right. Shake a leg.- Hey, sweetie. - Hi!Hey, Lily, be careful.Don't get anything on that beautiful outfit. Recognize it? Look familiar?Yes, I do, but I hardly thinkthat putting her in one of Alex's hand-me-downs proves anything after I pitched a fit.Well, first of all, I think it's really healthythat you do admit it was a fit.But if you need further proof,I'm sure I could find a photograph over here. Sure. Go ahead.No me.No me.No me.Ah. There we are.Christmas morning last year. Oh, my god.Oh, it's Alex's old pajamas!I'm so sorry. I owe you an apology. Sometimes I can be really --What's that?Uh, the calendar opened to december,the half-eaten cookies for Santa Claus,the nibbled-on carrots for reindeer? I don't know.No, that looks like last month's Vanity Fair.Oh, well, you know, every month's "Young hollywood." Mm, and didn't Lily just lose that tooth?Nope, it's still there. It's just dirty.Christmas-morning chocolates.Uh, and I am quite sure that's a reflection of Mitchellin the clothes he was wearing this morning.Oh, yay, I finally made it into a picture.Just couldn't change, could you?You are a snob.- Okay, you know what... - You're a snob....it hardly takes a snob to recognize- the clothes you put your children in... - Snob!are uninspired at best.- Claire,Cam, enough! - Oh, really?!Everybody in this family has good taste.It's just different.It's causing too many fights.That's why today I just put everybodyin a simple T-shirt-and-jeans outfit.Mm. There's a new rule from now on --nobody gives clothes to anyone else's children.Well, I think that's probably for the best.Thank god I don't have to spend one more of Joe's birthdayswith a funny smile on my face.Thank you, Cam. He loves it.Twinsies!Okay, everybody, it's picture time.Where's Luke?Right here.Honey, what are you wearing? Is that a girl's shirt?I guess I grabbed the wrong one from the laundromat.If I'm being honest, I don't hate the way it fits.It must be that guy's girlfriend's shirt.Is it bad that that makes himmore interesting to me?Yes. Stay away.Don't worry about Luke. We'll stick him in the back row. Not everyone can look their best in the picture.Joe's ready.What did you do to him?You want him to look more Colombian.What's more Colombian than the Colombian flag?He's perfect.Not a banner day for my male heirs.Claire, you're in the back.Phil, you're behind Claire. No rabbit ears.I don't want you messing around behind Claire's back. Cameron, Lily, come on in.It's picture time.Honey.There's something I need to tell you.Uh, you know how you can treasurespecial moments in your pastthat in no way diminish the special moments in your present? Yeah, sweetheart, it's called having a memory.Okay, I wouldn't mind a friendlier tone as I move through this. What did you do?Up, up, up, up, ah!No, that's the wrong way, sweetheart.What fell out of Lily's pocket?Is that a diamond ring?Huh. That'll go great with your shirt.It looks real.It is real.A small occlusion, but very good color.This is Claire's.No.Claire's got her's on.Ay, Phil, please, you cannot tell the differencebetween this beautiful, but a small, diamondand that chunk of glassthat should have made her finger fall off weeks ago.I feel like I am getting you in trouble.Picture time!What's happening?Okay, don't be mad.Um, I lost my real ring a few months ago, and I just realized it must have fallenin the box of clothes I gave to Lily.Why'd you take it off?Well, I got pulled over,and I wanted to flirt my way out of the ticket by pretending I was singleAnd it worked, and I kind of liked it.And then I felt so guilty about liking itthat I just wanted to erase the whole thing. So you lied?Yes. I lied. I'm sorry.Does that make me a terrible person?No, no. Are you kidding me?We've been married for a long time.Of course we're gonna have our little secrets. The important thing......is that we know the differencebetween a harmless indulgence...and a real indiscreet--Gloria?- Left. - Thank you.Okay, it's picture time!Everybody, hury up.Get in your positions.All right?All right, I think that everyone is here.Okay, ready?And smile!Are you kidding me?Nobody noticed I wasn't here.What does it take with you people?!Ay, Joe, my baby, are you okay?Yeah, yeah, maybe -- maybe that -- that's what it takes for you to pay attention to me --Throw a temper tantrum like -- like Joe.I could just throw a big...temper tantrum that --Or if I make a mess of everything and...I feel like that was aimed at me.You want to talk about it?Or I could just play some piano.So I'm in the ballpark.Look.If it seems sometimes like we don't notice you, maybe that is because we are focused......on our own stupid problems,And you're so steady.Oh, you mean boring.- No. - Yeah.Calm.Because you live your lifethe way you want to.In fact, you inspired me recently.Oh, how so?Fine.I've been going through this thing lately.It all started when I noticeda group of guys in the corner in the park.And, uh, honestly, when I first found out what they were doing, I thought it was kind of weird,but I found I kept thinking about it.And I thought I'd give it a whirl.Ok-- okay. Go on.I think you know where I'm going with this,but one of the older guys showed me the ropes.Next thing I know,I'm hanging out at that park in that corner every dayand loving it.But I must have also got some shame about itbecause it feels goodwhen I'm doing it, but...Is that me now?A guy with a show dog.There it is!Okay, see, I-I knew what it wasn't.I just wasn't sure what it was.In fact, there's a show right now,But...ah, I'm not gonna go.No, no. D--- I could tell this is important to you. - No.You -- you should go. You should go.I don't want to sneak out,and I don't want people to know about it.Dad.A wise man once told me,"I don't get it,but if that's who you are,Don't you dare be ashamed of it."I did handle that kind of well.Yeah, yeah, well...And it wasn't easy.I just never pictured my kid a lawyer.It's scary to let people see the real you,even when those people are your own family.But aren't they the ones we should be least worried about, the ones who will love us without judging,who forgive our faultsand celebrate our imperfections?Maybe even encourage usto let our true selves shine through?Wait, wait. Hang on. Wait, wait.Okay.I think you look beautiful.I look old.All my cousins are going to see this.Click the button that makes my wrinkles go away. - What happened? - Nothing.It's not nothing. You're limping!Were you trying to do the Russian dance again? It was just something stupid I was trying out, and I don't even know why,since it's basically impossible.Gloria. Gloria! Check it out.Is this not the cutest thing you've ever seen?She did that on her first try.He loves it, too.Oh, oh, sure. Rub it in, Joe.Attagirl!Here she comes this way!Now she is just showing off.Both way.。

Hey, Mitchell. Claire. Saturday morning. 米奇尔我是克莱尔现在是周六早上Look, I need you to buy Mom a birthday present 我要你去给妈妈买一份生日礼物and say it's from the both of us. 然后说是我们俩合送的Okay, thanks. Bye-bye -- 就这样谢谢拜拜No, I know it's not a voicemail. 我知道这不是语音留言I just don't want to hear you whine about it. 我只是不想听你唧唧歪歪No, no, no, those are for Alex. 不行不行那些是给艾丽克斯的I'm taking them up to her dorm today. 我今天要送去宿舍给她You know how stressed she gets. 你也知道她最近压力多大She can always use a little comfort from her loving mom. 我想她能随时得到来自母亲的安慰Why does Alex get a care package and not me? 为什么艾丽克斯有爱心包裹而我却没有You live in a care package. 你就住在爱心包裹里Haley, put your face on and get up here! 海莉赶紧把人皮画上到楼上来We're gonna be late for work! 我们上班要迟到了I'm saving up to get my own apartment, 我最近在存钱给自己买公寓so I've been working at the club with Luke. 所以我和卢克一起在俱乐部打工For Luke. 是给卢克打工Kid's my best cart girl. 这妹子是我手下最赞的球车女郎I deliver drinks to golfers. 我给高尔夫球手送饮料Tips are good, but, uh... it took me a couple days 小费挺可观不过我花了几天to learn the finer points of the game. 才领会了这比赛的细枝末节Cocktails, boys? 要鸡尾酒吗帅哥们On your left. 在你左手边Is that Alex's old bike? 那是艾丽克斯的旧单车吗Yes, totally rebuilt. 是的重新组装的It only took me three months and two tetanus shots. 只花了我三个月时间和两管破伤风针She's been dropping hints about wanting some wheels. 她最近一直暗示想要辆车Are you sure she didn't mean a -- 你确定她说的不是...Unicycle? No. She definitely said "wheels." 独轮车吗不她肯定说了"多轮"车Well, the basket's perfect for loading up the toiletries. 车篮正好用来放盥洗用品Remember last time we went up there? 还记得我们上次去那里吗She was washing her hair with the powdered soap from the ladies room.她正在用女厕的肥皂粉洗头Alex is an intelligent, accomplished -- 艾丽克斯是个聪明有学问的...- You can just say it. ?- Scatterbrain. -你就直说了吧 -马大哈Sometimes, she studies so hard 她有时太用功念书she forgets about the little things. 会忘记一些小事I'll be at the library. 我去图书馆Uh, honey...aren't you forgetting something? 女儿你是不是忘了什么东西That was close. 差点忘了God. 老天I'm on it. 我去处理So, this is the place I'll call home for the next four years. 这里就是未来四年我称为"家"的地方And because you're a theater major, 而且因为你念的是戏剧系probably the biggest apartment you'll ever have. 这很可能是你这辈子最大的公寓了There are two things I want to avoid my first day of school: 在开学第一天我不想发生两件事getting caught leaving the shower in my aqua shoes, 被发现我洗完澡穿着滑水鞋出来and a tearful goodbye. 以及挥泪告别My classmates are gonna see me cry eventually. 我的同学们始终会看到我哭I'd prefer it be during a curtain call. 但我希望是在谢幕的那一刻看见I am Colombian, 我是哥伦比亚人so it's against my nature to give Manny what he wants: 满足曼尼的愿望有违我的天性a cold, white-people goodbye. 他想要冷漠的白人式告别But I know he's sensitive, 但我知道他很多愁善感and he's having a hard time leaving the nest, 离家让他很难过so I'm gonna give it to him. 所以我会顺他的意Good luck, chum. 祝你好运室友Where do you want your espresso machine? 你的浓缩咖啡机想放在哪里On my desk is fine. 放我书桌上就行And don't worry, Trevor. 别担心特雷弗We'll pay for the beans with the money from our swear jar. 买咖啡豆的钱用脏话罐里的罚款付Don't forget -- no coffee after 4:00, 别忘了四点后不许喝咖啡or you get the nightmares. 否则你会做噩梦I think I can take it from here. 接下来我自己搞定就行了Thank you both for all of your help. 谢谢二位的帮忙Sure thing. 不客气We will keep in touch, son. 我们保持联络儿子Well, my friend, 这位朋友you have just witnessed the rare perfect goodbye. 你刚刚见证了十分罕见的完美告别History records but few flawless farewells: 历史上仅记录到过几次完美告别Oscar Wilde's deathbed bon mot, 奥斯卡·王尔德临终之时的珠玑妙语"墙纸越来越破而我越来越老两者之间总有一个要先消失" 英国作家诗人散文家据说他的遗言是Rhett Butler not giving a -- 白瑞德毫不在乎...Rhett Butler not giving a -- 世界经典名著《飘》中的人物Damn it. 我靠I left my white noise machine at home. 我把白噪音机忘在家了I left my white noise machine at home. 白噪音能抵消外界噪音帮助入眠Now I have to go back there, 这下我不得不回去and risk ruining our perfect goodbye. 可能会毁掉我们的完美告别呢But you're gonna thank me, Trevor. 但你会感谢我的特雷弗There's something soothing about constant background noise that... 持续的背景噪音能安抚... Trev? 小特One gin and tonic. 一杯金汤力I hope you're not... driving. 希望不是你... 开车[开球]Sorry, that's usually a big hit with the golfers. 抱歉这笑话通常高尔夫球手们都很喜欢It was hilarious. 很好笑But I'm trying to avoid laugh lines. 但我尽力避免长出笑纹I get that. 我懂I don't want crow's feet, so I never squint, 我不想长鱼尾纹所以我从不眯眼even if a cop is shining his flashlight directly in my eyes. 哪怕警察正用手电筒直照我的双眼Once a week, I sleep in a wetsuit full of Vaseline. 我每周一次穿着涂满凡士林的潜水服睡觉It shows. 效果显著啊It was like meeting myself in 30 years. 简直像遇到三十年后的我Turns out, I really held up. 原来我真的驻颜有术Good morning, Ms. Rappaport. 早上好拉帕波特女士Oh, hello... 你好- Duke, is it? ?- Yes. -你叫杜克对吧 -是的Haley, shouldn't you be getting back to your cart? 海莉你是不是该回球车上去了Rhonda asked me to sit down. 是朗达叫我陪她坐的There's a rule against staff fraternizing with members, 我们明令禁止员工和会员过于亲密and you wouldn't want to make trouble for whoever 某人伸出脖子上的人头为你担保stuck their neck out to get you this job. 推荐你来工作你要安分Oh, I recommend sticking your neck out. 多伸伸脖子是好事It's the only nonsurgical way to prevent champagne chin.那是唯一不动刀就能预防双下巴的方法- Speaking of which, um... - Oh, here. Let me get -- -说起来... -我去吧Oh, no, no, no, You sit. He's up. 不不不你坐让他去You can top me off, too, Duke. 给我也续一杯吧杜克I am loving this new smoothie kick. 喝这个果蔬奶昔早餐最赞的是I-I feel like I've had more green vegetables today 我感觉我今天一天摄入的绿色蔬菜than my dad's had in a lifetime. 比我爸一辈子摄入得还多What I love about your smoothie kick 我觉得你这新早餐最棒的地方is how much you talk about it. 就是你总念叨个没完Okay, if you're gonna be mean, be funny. 如果你想损我至少想点有趣的梗Aim for the bumps. 把车往凸出的路面上推Cal likes a bit of a bumpy ride 卡尔喜欢偶尔颠一颠on account of I drove a tractor into my fourth trimester.因为我直到孕期第四阶段还在开拖拉机Oh, that sound makes me so nervous. 那声音总让我很不安Some poor family is about to have their life turned upside down.某个可怜的家庭就要天翻地覆了they seem to be turning down our street. 好像拐到咱家那条街去了So, I-I know that they're-they're heroes and all, 我知道他们都是救火英雄but a-are they sweeping up or is that on us? 但他们会帮我们打扫吗还是我们自己来Okay, you know what? We're gonna have to totally rebuild, 你知道吗我们得一钉一铆down to the studs. 彻底重建了I'm distraught. 我要抓狂了Are ya? 是吗I'm not saying Cam definitely set the fire. 我也不是一口咬定这火是小卡放的It could have been anyone who's spent years 犯人可能是任何一个searching for a way to justify the remodel of our kitchen.多年来一直在找借口重建厨房的家伙Are you actually accusing me of starting this fire 你不是真的在指控我故意放火just so we could rebuild our hideous kitchen? 只为了能重建这个丑得要命的厨房吧Uh, accusing, no. 指控倒不至于but when you say things like "hideous kitchen," 不过你说"丑得要命的厨房"这种话时it does make me wonder. 的确让我有所怀疑This could be the cause. 可能是这个引起了火灾Most kitchen fires start in the oven. 大多数厨房失火都是烤箱引起的Oh, my God, did-did I leave the oven on? 我的天哪我走时没关烤箱吗Well, it appears we found our smoking "bun." 看来我们找到了热腾腾的罪魁祸"包"了she's been here all summer, so this could be pretty rough. 她在这住了一夏天估计是场硬仗Remember last time there was a rat in her room. 还记得上次我们在她房间里发现了老鼠吗She's a scientist. She said it was part of a study. 她是科学家她说老鼠是用来做研究的Honey, it was in a cereal box. 亲爱的老鼠是在麦片盒里发现的Okay, time to be heroes. 来吧超能英雄登场Change a bed sheet, change the world. 换下脏床单世界焕然一新That's right. 没错I completely forgot you guys were coming. 我都忘了你们两个要来Oh, yeah, I'm so sorry. 真不好意思I wasn't expecting you guys, so... sock. 我不知道你们要来袜子没收好Oh, is that my old bike? 那是我的旧单车吗Yep! 没错- Spruced it up for you. - That's great. -为你翻新了 -太棒了I actually just bought a new one, though. 不过我刚刚买了辆新的Guess you can use that one for parts. 你可以用那辆当备用零件What do we have here? An electric mitten holder. 瞧瞧这是什么电动手套架It's a rock-paper-scissors robot I just built. 那是我刚建好的猜拳机器人What?! 什么Its sensors anticipate your next move. 它的传感器能判断你要出什么Maybe for civilians. 普通人才会中招But I've been trained in the art of sleight of... hand! 但我的敏捷手法是受过多年训练的At last... 终于a worthy opponent. 遇到对手了Honey, I got you some snacks that don't crumb up quite so easily. 宝贝我给你买了些不容易掉渣的零食I'll just tuck them away in this... 我就给放在这个...fully-stocked snack cabinet. 已经都买好的零食柜里Don't forget the paper towels, the paper plates, 别忘了纸巾和一次性餐盘and the toilet -- Rock! How?! 和卫生间的... 石头不可思议Seems like you're doing really, really well here. 看来你这里一切都井然有序Okay, well, I have to get to the robotics lab. 那好我得去机器人实验室了But, uh, thank you so much for visiting. 不过多谢你们过来看我Oh, honey. 宝贝You seem to be doing so well. 感觉你表现得超棒Shampoo. 洗发水We're so proud of you, Alex. 我们真为你骄傲艾丽克斯And not just because you've built 不只是因为你建了一个a nearly unbeatable robot. Damn it! 几乎无法战胜的机器人该死- Okay, well, uh... bye, you guys. - Bye! -好吧回见了二位 -拜拜- Bye, honey. ?- Bye, honey. -拜拜宝贝 -拜拜宝贝She is really coming into her own, huh? 她真的开始能独立了Look what we did. 看我们把她教得多好I don't know if we can take all the credit. 我不确定这都是我们的功劳She wasn't like that before she got here. 她来这前不是这样子的You know what? We drove her here, honey. 是我们送她来的亲爱的We drove her here. 是我们送她来的Two mustards. No one needs that. 谁会需要两罐芥末We'll just take that one home. 这罐我拿走That is her new dress. 那是她的新裙子She was so excited about getting this. 她买的时候可兴奋了Why would she throw it out? 她为什么要丢掉Do you think something's going on? 你觉得有什么问题吗Maybe -- Maybe all of the cleaning and the organizing 可能可能她打扫卫生整理东西啊is like a -- a coping mechanism. 都是遭遇困难时的应对机制Yeah, between that and the muted response to the bike... 对从打扫整理与对自行车的冷漠回应...I don't know. You think we should talk to her? 我不知道你觉得我们该找她谈谈吗I wasn't even playing. 我刚都不是在玩Boom! Damn it. 啊哈可恶Gun to my head, my top three: 被枪抵着我心中的前三名是cheddar, Swiss, gouda. 切达奶酪瑞士硬奶酪高达奶酪As someone who has actually had a gun to her head, 作为一个真被人拿枪抵着头过的人cheese is not what they're going to ask about. 他们才不会问你喜欢什么奶酪And now crackers. 现在到饼干了What are you doing? 你在干嘛This is awkward. 尴尬了I need a boy cave. 我想改装个爷们天地And don't get me started about brie. 别和我提布里奶酪Oh, there's no risk of that. 不用担心I'm not here, okay? 当我没来过明白吗You put a lock on the closet? 你给壁橱装上锁了吗That's where I'm gonna put Santa Claus when I catch him. 我打算抓到圣诞老人后把他关在里面Sleeping pills in his cookies. 给请他吃的饼干里加点安眠药Joe, who are you talking to? 乔你在和谁说话Oh, geez. We dropped you off at college two hours ago. 天啊我们俩小时前才把你送到学校My God, even Haley lasted longer. 靠海莉当时都比你待更久I needed my white noise machine. 我需要我的白噪声机Or did you need your brown noise machine? 还是你的棕色噪音妈啊No, and I think I'm offended for you. 你这话我都替你自己感到被歧视It looks like you forgot that on purpose 感觉像是你故意忘拿so that you could come back to the nest. 好让你有借口回来安乐窝Some "nest." 哪有多"安乐"啊Joe is taking over my room, and you two think I'm a wimp. 乔在鸠占鹊巢你俩认为我是个小弱鸡Not wimp, just soft. 不是小弱鸡只是不爷们And very, very scared. 还非常非常害怕Okay, can everyone please stop talking 好了你们能闭嘴了吗so we can salvage our perfect goodbye? 这样我们完美的道别还能有点救What's with the padlock? 你上锁是干嘛Let me ask you something: 我问你How would you like to have Christmas every day? 你想每天都过圣诞节吗Okay, I've put everything out here 好了我把我们所需要用的from the kitchen that we're gonna need. 厨房用品都放到这里了You know what? This is gonna be fun. 你知道吗这会很有趣的It's like camping! 就好像露营Which is it -- fun or like camping? 有趣和好像露营并不会同时发生I'm gonna take a shower. 我要去冲个澡Can't take a shower without doing a load of dishes. 洗澡前先刷了这堆盘子And remember -- scratchy side pot, soft side you, okay? 记得糙的一边刷锅软的一边手拿Cam, this is crazy. 小卡这也太神经病了What -- What if I wanted to make a cup of tea? 如果... 如果我想泡杯茶呢Couldn't be simpler. 再简单不过了Grab a tea kettle from the credenza, 从餐具柜上拿茶壶warm it up on the hot plate with the water that you've used 加水就从窗外接进来的水管加from the hose that I snaked in through the window, 然后放电炉上热就行了browse the tea on the mantel, and then grab our tea cup -- 茶可以去我们壁炉架上找然后茶杯就在...Where -- Oh! Lily, do our tea cup first! 茶杯在... 莉莉先洗茶杯Y'all need to move that 'fridgerator in your hall. 你们赶紧把走廊上的冰箱移走It is straight under little Cal's crib, 冰箱正好在小卡尔的婴儿床下方and the noise is keeping him up... 冰箱的响声让他一直睡不着which is weird because he was conceived in a slaughterhouse. 这也怪了他可是在屠宰场里怀上的啊- But I thought... - ?Just move it! -但我还以为... -赶紧移走You... 你...They figure out what started that fire? 他们找到起火的原因了吗Yeah, they think it was the oven. 嗯他们认为起因在烤箱Well, that's dumb. 不可能I turned the oven off 'fore we went on our walk. 咱们出去散步前我关了烤箱的- You did? - ?Yeah, -你关了吗 -对啊'cause I'm the only responsible person around here. 因为我是这儿唯一一个有责任心的人Dang it! Cal rolled off the sofa again! 靠卡尔又从沙发上滚下来了Oh, God. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. 天啊不不不There's a small chance I definitely started the fire. 有那么一丝可能凶手绝对是我- Mitchell? - ?My smoothie was a little thick. -米奇尔 -奶昔有点稠This is convenient. Huh? 这样还挺方便啊There's something I need to show you. 我要给你看点东西Yeah. What is it? Over here. Over here. Let's look. 是什么来这儿来这儿看It's a vision board for my dream kitchen 是我梦想厨房的展望板I've been hiding behind your workout clothes. ?Ah. 我一直藏在你的健身服后面I-I-I think I accidentally, on purpose, 我觉得我不小心成心地subconsciously, willfully, burned our kitchen down. 下意识地故意地烧了咱们的厨房Okay. I-I don't -- I don't know about that. 我不... 这很难说吧Um -- ?No. Let's face it. 不面对现实吧Like Drew Barrymore, I'm an adorable fire starter. 就像德鲁·巴里摩尔我是个可爱的纵火犯Like Drew Barrymore, I'm an adorable fire starter. 知名女星曾在小时候出演过电影《凶火》Is this why we never have any tape? 这就是为什么我们家胶布总是没了吗Is this why we never have any tape? 牛皮胶布抽丝可以拿来当做生火用的火种Yes. I'm a menace, which is why you deserve 对我是个危险人物所以应该由你to be in charge of this entire remodel. 全权负责这次改造Anything you say goes. 你说了算Cam, you're about to feel a lot better because 小卡你听完这话感觉会好点的...I don't hate this toaster, 我觉得这烤面包机还行and I think I can find a place for it. 我觉得我能找到位子摆放That's great. 太好了I could get used to this. 我能习惯这种生活I have, which is why I need to snag another meal ticket 我已经习惯了所以在我亡夫特么的钱before my late husband's fracking money runs out. 用完之前我得另找一张饭票It's okay. You can swear in front of me. 没事你可以在我面前直接骂脏话How about that guy over there, playing tennis? 那边那个在打网球的男人怎么样He's in good shape. 他体态挺好Right? 对吧No, that's a negative. 不这个不行I want my guys' tennis balls to be at the end of their walkers.我要那种拿网球当助行器缓冲的老头Okay. Uh, how about, uh... 好吧... 那...that guy over there? 那个怎么样I think that's just an abandoned golf bag, 我想那是个被人丢弃的高尔夫球袋but you're starting to get me. 不过你开始理解我的意思了You know, would you like to be my personal assistant? 你想当我的私人助理吗What would I have to do? 平时要我做什么Apart from helping me find a new husband, 除了帮我找个新老公it's mostly... hanging out, drinking, going to parties. 大部分时间就是玩一玩喝喝酒去派对浪一浪I am perfect for this. 我是完美人选I have so many references. 有太多人可以为我举荐Okay, uh... 好的what about that guy going to play shuffleboard -- Mr. Voorhees?那个在玩推圆盘游戏的怎么样沃里斯先生Uh, he's a little younger than I normally do. 他比我以前的那些老公年轻If it helps, he always orders 给你点参考他向来from the HeartSmart side of my cocktail menu. 只点那些适合心脏病人的鸡尾酒You are good at this. 你很在行啊Let me go give that pacemaker something to do. 让我去给他的心脏起搏器添加点压力Haley, you're supposed to be on the course serving drinks. 海莉你应该在高尔夫球场端酒I'm busy, Luke. 我很忙卢克We can't have people golfing sober. 我们不能让客人清醒着打球They'll realize it's a waste of time. 他们会发现那就是在浪费时间I'm not even sure I want to be a cart girl anymore. 我不太想再继续当球车女郎了Rhonda asked me to be her personal assistant. 罗娜要我当她的私人助理I know this isn't the most glamorous job, 我知道这不算什么迷人的职业but...it offers more of a future 但是这份工作提供的未来than being an assistant to some gold digger. 比给色诱老男人换钱的女人当助理靠谱多了Hello? 喂Hey, good news -- Voorhees has a friend, 好消息沃里斯有个朋友and he wants to fly us all to San Francisco tonight. 他想带我们飞去旧金山玩就今晚You're on a good path here. 这里能带你走向阳光大道You're making money. There's opportunity for advancement. 你在赚钱有很好的晋升机会It's gonna be great. 这趟旅行肯定很棒Best hotels, best restaurants, round-the-clock nursing. 最豪华的酒店最高档的餐厅全天候护理You're better than her, Haley. 你比她强海莉- I'm in. - ?Oh, good. -算我一个 -很好The car will pick us up at 5:00, right after dinner. 车子五点钟来接我们也就是吃完晚饭后Why do I even bother? 我干嘛跟你浪费唇舌It's like what I say to you goes in one ear... 我跟你说的话你都右耳朵进out the other. 左耳朵出了Don't know about you, but I am ready to live on my own. 不知道你是怎么样我反正准备好独立生活了Yep, it was a big responsibility taking care of my parents, 的确照顾我的父母是艰巨的责任but I left a good man on the job. 但是我也交棒给了一个可靠的人Come on. 又来Gloria, you messed up the TV, and now I can't watch my program! 歌洛莉亚你又把电视弄坏了我看不了节目了Remember how you told me to say something when you sound old?记得你让我在你像个老年人时提醒你吗Ah, never mind. I fixed it. 没事了我弄好了Look at those beautiful flowers. 瞧瞧这些美丽的花儿Where did they come from? 哪儿来的Not a clue. 不知道Aww, you. 你弄的吧Joe? 乔What are you making? 你在做什么According to this, an ancient beverage 纸上写了这是一种古老的饮料enjoyed by sultans and scoundrels. 苏丹王和流氓们都喜欢喝"Bring in the paper, make coffee... "捡报纸做咖啡pick up Jay's dirty socks." 捡起杰的脏袜子"Why are you doing all this? 你怎么在做这些事Manny says it's my job now. 曼尼说以后这些都靠我了Manny was doing all these things? 一直以来都是曼尼在做这些事吗And I was so happy that you were picking up after yourself.我还很高兴你终于开始自己捡起脏袜子了I haven't picked up socks since the '70s. 我上世纪70年代起就没捡过了Huh, all this time, we're thinking we're coddling Manny, 这么久以来我们都以为是我们在照顾曼尼and Manny was coddling us. 其实是他在照顾我们I am going to call him and tell him what a good boy he is. 我要打给他夸他是个多么好的孩子Gloria, if you call him all worked up, 歌洛莉亚要是你这么激动地打给他he'll be in tears in two seconds. 他肯定两秒钟就开哭了What he wanted was a nice clean exit. 他只想洒脱地离开We have to stay strong and give him that. 我们得坚持住让他完成心愿I guess. 好吧I say we distract ourselves. 我们找点事儿分散下注意力I'll go to the club, crack some inappropriate jokes, 我去俱乐部讲点荤段子rank the astronauts, fall asleep in the sauna. 给宇航员排个名在桑拿池里打个盹Okay. Have fun. 好玩得开心点I'll go shopping with Joe. 我跟乔去逛街For toys? 买玩具吗No. For shoes. 不买鞋子I'm the one that is sad, not you. 现在难过的人是我不是你How cool. 太酷了Just stay focused, Phil. 别分心菲尔Honey, honey. 亲爱的亲爱的No matter how realistic these robots get, 不管这些机器人给人的感觉多真实I'm always going to love you. 我还是会永远爱你Thank you. 谢谢There she is. 她在这儿呢- Hi! Hi! - Honey! -看这里 -亲爱的Uh, excuse me, that's a clean room. 抱歉那是无尘工作间You can't go in there without putting on a sterile suit 你们必须穿上无尘服在空气浴尘室and taking an air shower to remove all possible contaminants.去除所有可能的污染物后才能进入They really are lifelike. 真的很像真人啊I think you should handle this. 我觉得还是你去跟她说吧I don't, uh... I don't want to overwhelm 我不... 我不想让我们女儿our -- our daughter. 太... 太难以承受Yes. 打到你啦What are you doing? 你在干嘛That was designed to perform cardiovascular surgery. 这是设计来做心血管外科手术的机械手I'm -- I'm -- I'm so sorry. 真... 真是对不起Um....where -- where are the fun ones? 那请问有趣的机器人是在哪里I didn't hate that. 感觉还不差Mom, what are you doing here? 妈你来这里做什么Okay, well, your father and I were leaving your room, 是这样的我跟你爸爸本来要出你房间了and we noticed, oh, 结果我们发现到you'd thrown out that cute dress you love so much. 你把你很爱的那件可爱裙子给扔了And I thought to myself, "Why? Why would she do that?" 我就想"为什么她为什么会丢掉" And I thought maybe -- maybe you tried to wear it for a boy, 我就想也许...也许是你穿给某个男生看to impress him, and it didn't go well, and it made you feel bad. 想给他留下好感结果事与愿违心里难受Or, maybe I just didn't like the dress. 也可能只是我不喜欢那件裙子啊Or my thing. 或是我猜的那样No, it's my fault you yelled at me. 没事你教训我是对的You kids here are under extreme pressure. 你们这里的孩子得承受超大的压力Extreme pressure. 超大压力You fool. 你个傻子- Dad... - Alex. -老爸 -艾丽克斯Did I ever tell you about a certain male cheerleader 我跟你说过有关一位男拉拉队员who over-rotated during a Flying Half Toby? 在做空中翻转动作时翻转过度的事吗He limped his way back to his dorm room 他最后一跛一跛地走回宿舍and threw out his favorite outfit, 把他最爱的服装给扔了because harem pants are for winners. 因为他这个失败者不配穿那件哈伦裤because harem pants are for winners. 扎脚宽松女长裤Guys, I'm fine! 两位我真没事Why do you keep trying to solve a problem that doesn't exist?你们为什么一直要让我觉得我有事I don't know. Maybe we just want to feel like you still need us. 不知道或许我们只是还想被你需要But look at you. You don't need anything. 但看看你你才不需要我们呢Which is terrific. 这样很棒啊You're our little superstar who can do anything. 你就是我们无所不能的超级女儿I'm not. I'm not. 不是我真不是I totally, totally, totally don't feel that way. 我完全完全不觉得是这样Shut up! 快闭嘴Is something wrong? 是有什么问题吗Okay, fine. if you really must know, 好吧行如果你们非要知道I've been kind of feeling like an outsider here. 我在这里一直感觉融入不了大家It's come to my attention that I may be a bit of a show-off. 后来我发现我可能有点太爱出风头There's a proof in my advanced mathematical chaos class. 在我的高等混沌数学课上有道题It's been on the board all year. No one could solve it. 在白板上已经一整年了都没人能解Until one night in bed, it just came to me. 直到某天晚上我一个灵光一闪And of course I had to put on my best dress for my big moment.我当然得为那一刻穿上我最好看的裙子Class dismissed. 解完收工I just never want to see that stupid dress again. 我再也不想看到那件白痴裙子了Honey, people are always gonna be intimidated by your intellect. 宝贝人们永远都会被你的才智所震慑Maybe it's time you showed them some of your vulnerability.或许你也该对他们露出一些脆弱之处了How have they not seen it? 他们怎么可能没看过I've been an awkward nerd my whole life. 我从小到大都是个书呆死宅Everywhere but here. 但在这里你不是啊Sweetheart, here... 亲爱的在这里...you're Haley. 你就是海莉Excuse me. 不好意思I know it's stinks! It's a work in progress. 我知道很烂但这只是半成品No, you, uh... just dropped this. 不是的你这个掉了而已And, actually, you've got nothing to worry about. 而且... 其实你没什么好担心的啊You're way further along than I am. 我的进度比你落后多了I'm kind of freaking out. 我都有点抓狂了Really? 真的吗I built a rock-paper-scissors robot, and it sucks. 我做了一个猜拳机器人而且做得超烂- I beat it 8 out of 10 times. - What? -跟它猜10次我能赢8次 -真的吗Hey, if you're not too busy right now, 如果你现在不是很忙do you think maybe you'd want to help me with mine a little bit? 你愿意帮忙我弄一下我的吗Sure. 可以啊Nice work, partner. 同志干得好That was a clinic. 药到病除Yeah, we are parenting at the highest possible level. 咱俩教孩子真是强到极限了Highest possible level. 强到极限You fools! 你们俩傻子So, I called the hotel like you asked. 我按你要求打给酒店了Mini-bar's stocked with rose and Ensure. 小吧台补满了你要求的酒And I canceled the one reservation. 然后取消掉一个人的预定了Who's not coming? 是谁不来了About that, uh, we need to talk. 这件事嘛我们得谈谈Okay. 好It's locked. 车门锁上了Mr. Voorhees was a little too excited 沃里斯先生在听说to hear that the cart girl was tagging along. 那个球车女郎也来的时候特别激动I'm sorry, but I can't risk being upstaged 抱歉但我不想冒by a hot-to-trot 30-year-old. 被性感30岁辣妹给抢风头的风险。

Okay, hold still, honey.I'm afraid you're going to hit me again.Don't worry. I'm just putting this time.I'm not the strongest golfer,and I think it's holding me back in business.Too bad deals aren't closed in a trampoline park.Too bad deals aren't closed in a trampoline park.I'd just lazy-back into a Rudolphinto a quadriffus right up the corporate ladder.Hey, dad, you coming to my play tonight?"Your" Play? You only painted the sets.Yeah, and Michelangelo "Only" painted the Sixteenth Chapel. Maybe don't keep your face so close to the paint cans. Sorry, buddy, I'm getting a golf lessonand then I'm playing with a client,But I'll try to make your next performance.-Phil! - Little busy.Oh, you always do this.You cram stuff in the freezer without thinking about it.I opened the door, and a frozen turkey almost fell on my foot.I keep pulling it to the left.Are we sure the house is level?Are you not the least bit sorry?I could have broken a toe.Honey, I'm sorry for dozens of thingsevery day that actually happen.If I start apologizing for things that don't happen,how productive of a person would I be?Hey, your golf pro's here!- Hola, hola. - Hello, everybody!Thanks so much for the quick lesson, Jay.Just think of me as a blob of clay,waiting for your experienced handsto caress and coax me--First rule of golf-- shh.- Okay. - Good.If you're going to be a grump all day,why did you even say that you were going to teach him? Because he's how my grandkids get food.There he is.Ay, thank you so much for taking care of the baby. Cam has me running all kinds of errands for the play. Yeah, well, you gotta keep your eye on the caller I.D.I have to go to the dry cleaners to pick up the costumes... Then I have to go get the dry ice for the fog machine. And maybe I'll go get Cam some flowers.Oh, Alex can help you with all that.Oh, perfect. Okay, let's go.We can't be late,or there won't be any dry ice in the house.形容众人都为某事垂泪没有一人眼睛是干的]- Good one. - What?You guys have fun. Go on. Nothing to worry about.I got it handled here.Be careful.Don't worry, just keep your mouth open.We're fine. It's fine.Okay, can I have everyone's attention, please? Reuben? Hit me with a spot.That's a little harsh. Throw a pink gel on that.That's great. Perfect.All right, I will be recording today's rehearsal,but don't let that make you self-conscious.I'm only using it to pinpoint your mistakes. Secondly, I have granted full set accessto Maureen Schick,who will be reviewing your show tonight.Uh-oh, she's vicious.Our last music teacher, Mr. Namagachi,never recovered from her article, "Anything blows." But in fairness, I saw that production,and the lead soprano was an absolute disaster.No offense, Sophie.You've blossomed since then, sweetie, okay?No batteries in her mic, okay? Great.And lastly, Marcus Talbot.Guys, he's feeling a little under the weather.Fear not. He's home resting his instrument,and he will be ready for the show tonight.But I will need a phantom for this rehearsal.So, anyone...I guess I could help.I don't know how Marcus ever got the lead.But I know how he got sick--from chewing all that scenery.This was my chance to earn it backfrom that insincere phony.But first, a silent prayer for our fallen captain marcus. Godspeed, old friend.This is boring. Is he dead?No, he's not dead. He's just sleeping.Babies need to sleep a lotso they grow bigger and stronger and smarter.Hey, Mrs. D. Hey, Lucy.Every time.Well, that's a nice shirt.Thanks. I designed it myself.It's my best seller.I'm so jealous you know what you want to do with your life.I wish I was inspired like you.Or, you know, aim higher.Open yourself up to some new experiencesand find out what--- Oh, my g-- - are you okay?Fine. Just...slipped on one of your father's stupid golf balls.Good, you woke him up.Maybe he's hungry. I just fed him,but I don't think bottles can live up to the real thing.Maybe I can calm him down.Oh, that's very sweet of you, but he's super fussy today.And when babies are fussy, they--they...Yeah, I'm good with babies.You should see him play peek-a-boo. He's amazing.No. I'm good.I know a guy in Chicago-- he's amazing.Dang it!Are you kiddin' me? That divot flew out of there like a rocket.I decided to go gentle with Phil,which didn't come easy to me,because I've always been a bit of a drill sergeantwhen it comes to sports.And with the new baby,Gloria's been buggin' me to have more patience.But come on. He's been alive a month.How hard is it to support your own head?What the hell?Hello, boys.What a sweet ride, Pepper.What are you guys doing here?I've been golfing for a few weeks.Pepper's been teaching me.I grew up golfing with my father,the great Chaim Saltzman.Or as he was known around the clubhouse,Chad Treadwell.Well, we should play together as a foursome.First time that word's creeped me out, but okay.Care to make it interesting?I think your pants have already done that.How 'bout a hundred bucks?Me and Phil will play you and Mitch.Fun. Mitchell, care to go first?Oh, I...Okay. Yeah. I'll-- I'll give it a whirl.Running into my dad was no accident.I wasn't the best athlete growing up,and my dad never missed an opportunityto point that out."Nice throw, Nancy!"Nancy was our neighbor.I could never throw as well as she could.I'd pretty much given up on beating my dad at anything until Pepper dragged me to a golf course one day. Turns out I wasn't half bad.Six months' practice later,I was ready to kick my dad's ass.I knew just how I was gonna do it, too.I'd walk up to the tee all nervous,do a few clumsy practice swings,and then I'd hit that ball dead center,watch it arc through the sky, land on the green,and totally wow my dad.*It's over now, the music of the nightOkay. Great job, everyone.Thank you. But it was really everyone.Give yourself a round.Oh, Marcus's mom. Shh.Fingers crossed.Why is it taking you so long?How hard is it to paint a wall?A lot harder than your so-called singing.At least this is supposed to be flat.I once saw a monkey paint a wall.Yeah? Did you say, "Good job, mom"?Mono? But he's my lead.My career depends upon this.The district is this close to cutting my funding,and my fingers are very close together right now.- *Nighttime* - Just let me talk to Marcus.- *Sharpens* -he would never turn his back on this company. We are like family here.*Stirs imaginationI'm sorry. We're going another way.*Silently the senses*Abandon their defensesAny news about Marcus?- Why are you whispering? - Saving my voice, just in case. Oh. Well, marcus is out.But luckily, I found an even better phantom right here.I wouldn't say better, but since you did...Luke. I was just about to ask him.- Luke? - He knows the show,he sings like a nightingale,and he has a certain theatrical madness in his eyesyou cannot teach.That's just from all the paint.Oh. Uh, Luke?Stop it. Are you trying to spook him?What are you talking about?He's already intimidated by you after you criticized his sets. Oh, please. I could not be the only personthat found his unicorns distracting.Let me talk to him first.If I can't get the job done, then you step in...Kind of like the way an understudywould traditionally take over when the lead finds himself-- Yeah. Just do it.Hey there, luke. Or should I say, phantom?You wanna get to the point?'cause I'm kind of on a schedule,and this paint keeps making me fall down. Marcus is out, and cam wants you to take over. Really? Well, I do know all the songs.Stop trying to talk yourself out of it. You're doing it. It's only for two nights.You're doing it again, looking at the negatives. Look at the bright side. What if you don't screw up, humiliate yourself, and get mocked forever?- I'd get mocked? - Only by the cool kids.But who needs them?You're one of us now.The theater geeks.*Vermont is snowy*Las vegas is showy*And those are the capitals I rememberwhat if this had been at the top of the stairs?I mean, I really could have gotten hurt, right?Uh-huh. Lily, I made you lunch.Peanut butter. My favorite.It's just hard to believethat somebody could be so obliviousto a situation that is clearly dangerous.Look at us. We're like a little family.I know.- We're the parents. - I know!I know what his response would be--"But you're fine. Why you getting all bent out of shape?" But what if I wasn't fine?What if he walked through the door,And he thought he had created a horrible accident? Oh, this is so fun.Good. She's gone.Grab your camera.I'm gonna make his little hand flip us off again.No, it's not just me.Three mothers are giving the party,and we need all our names in the card--Gloria Pritchett, Sara Leonard, Dee Cho...What do you mean that there's no more room?Dee Cho must go on.Okay, come on. That one had to be on purpose. Okay, we'll be there then.They won't be ready until one more hour.You maybe wanna take a shift carrying this dry ice? No, I just had a baby.I've watched you carry Manny to bed.I know what we can do to kill time.My psychic is around the corner.Please tell me you just said "sidekick."I used to think that I knew everything, too.We're going for a reading.I'll let her know that we're coming.You have got to be kidding me.I'm trying to remember the telephone number.What is happening to me?All right, what are we, 3 strokes down now?I think someone needs a Pepper talk.How is that a Pepper talk?You need to get angry. Play aggressive.That man's been mitch-slapping you and your entire life.I know, but... he's being so nice to Phil,and Phil is way worse than I ever was.I don't know.Maybe he's not the unsympathetic jerk he used to be. Okay, so you got off to a rough start.Let's simplify.On this shot, I want you to just concentrateon bending your knees.- You got it? - Bend my knees.Bend my--Dang it! Straighten my knees.Son of a bitch, you're a hopeless embarrassment.You're kickin' up more sand than a sea turtle layin' eggs. Did you see that?!Yeah, that wasn't half bad.Hey, listen, I'm sorry I yelled.No, no, no. That's what I needed.My old tumbling master in college used to yell at me all the time. It just made me better.- Really? - Oh, yeah.He'd say terrible things about my manhood,He'd throw the chalk bag at me,He'd call me and taunt me over the summer to keep me sharp. So bring it, Jay!You stink, Phil.You're the worst thing to happen to golfsince they let people wear shorts.You just told me to--No, that's part of it.Did you hear that?And he wasn't just talking to Phil.He was talking to 10-year-old youand 12-year-old you and...Suck it, Nancy!I was just trying to help.Just listen with an open mind.She doesn't believe in psychics.It's not just psychics.It's all unquantifiable phenomena.I'm going to save you some time.She doesn't have a boyfriend.Maybe not now, but soon.You see?- That means-- - Shh. Go on.You are going to meet someone special.I see a handsome man on a horse,like a knight.Well, I am going to a renaissance fair this weekend. Yes, I know.There's no renaissance fair.Even if there was, I wouldn't go.I'd be the laughingstock of the young astronomer's club. But I couldn't tell Gloria her fortune-teller was a fake... Not until I had a little more fun.I see that you're smiling. You're enjoying yourself.I know it sounds crazy,But could you please tell me what happened tomyy bunny Buttons, who ran away when I was 5? Never had a bunny. Hate bunnies.I see a farm...with a red barn.I know who's in the barn!It's like scrabble with Haley.After a while, you're just playing against yourself. Okay, everyone, look sharp, please!The press is here!As I was saying, Maureen, I was really at an advantagehaving seen the broadway production.I was able to learn from their mistakes.For example, in my production,The phantom appears in the first scene,because after all, it's not called"Christine and Raoul of the opera."I have two sources telling meyour lead is home with chicken pox.- Uh, mono. - Make that three sources.Oh, damn, you're good.Um, permission to speak... off the record?Denied.Okay, fine. Well, then...See for yourself in just a moment.Tonight a star will be born.- Cam? - Not now, Manny. I'm birthing something. Sometimes in the theater,the real drama happens before the curtain rises. Observe.Luke Dunphy,How would you like to play the starring rolein Cameron Tucker's Andrew Lloyd Webber's "Phantom of the Opera"?Nope.Luke Dunphy, is it true you passedbecause of creative differences with an overbearing director?Say nothing to that jackal!Manny, what happened?I tried my best.He started hyperventilating just thinking about it.I guess some people just aren't comfortable taking center stage. Okay. Well, maybe we can pump Marcusfull of whatever they gave those bike riders.He's too sick.But don't worry, Cam, you'll think of something.It's always darkest right before the...Reuben, could you keep that thing still?!Okay, well, I guess we only have one option.- I'll do it. - Hmm?I was gonna say play the role myself,but, you know, I guess it really should be about the kids.Now if I had tripped on your father's golf ball,say... top of the stairs,probably would have--oh, no!Taken out some pictures.Look what you've done, Phil!Mom!It's okay. It's finally sleeping.Hey, we should take a picture of all of us.Then once you get going, you know, you just can't stop.You're taking everything down with you.And then, to make it perfectly clearto your father what happened,I'll put the golf ball right here,because some people can't see the dangerunless it's right under their nose.Having kids is fun.And easy.Maybe this is what I should do with my life.Oh, he's such a little angel. I want one.Haley, little dude needs his sleep.I wanted to tell Haleyabout the dangers of starting a family too early,but what could I saythat couldn't be said better by a screaming baby? Mom!Oh, sorry.I don't know what's wrong with me today.- Mom! - Still good.- Sorry. - Would you just get out of here?Yeah. Yeah. Totally sorry.It's my--Sorry.When he wakes up, we should all go out for ice cream.I was thinking the same thing.What are you doing?Minding my own business.Wait. Ice cream might ruin Lily's dinner.So?So I spent all afternoon cooking.I thought ice cream would be fun.All you've done today is have funwhile I did all the work.I'm just trying to make the most of it with these kids.I don't have as much time with them as you do. What, by spoiling them?Who's that? Who's texting you?It's just about work.Typical. Even when you're here, you're not here.Why are you this upset about ice cream?If that's what you think this is about,then you haven't heard a word I've said!I-I'm confused. Why do we even have these kids?I don't know!I'm going home!Good!Oh, fantastic.One stroke down on the final hole.It's such a big putt. Such a big, big putt.I like big putts, and I cannot lie.I like big putts, and I cannot lie.Money.You know what'll be sad? You doing all that practicing to finally be able to beat your old man,And coming up just short.I almost...can't watch.You're up, ace.I was the same way with my father.It's always complicated.Not for mine. My dad was just supportive.Never missed a tumbling meetor a break-dance brawl.Heck, I'd set up the sound system for our school assembly, he'd be the loudest voice in the crowd."Hey, everybody! Check out my son's equipment!"- Aw. - Yeah.Hey, seriously, good luck.You played good. I'm proud of you.- Really? - We should do this again sometime.Don't listen to him.He's "Cat's in the Cradling" you.- What? - He's playing on your emotionsso you lose your edge.I do it to my son all the time.Did he say "Son"?Yes. He's a Navy Seal.Oh, I've said too much.What's "Cats in the Cradle"?You know, that song about the dad who missesall the important moments in his kid's life?Stay strong,just like Kyle did in Yemen.Oh, my god, I'm a sieve.All right, Mitch. Showtime.Five. Six.A-five, six, seven, eight.Yes!A hundred bucks!Oh, we did it!Now I can afford the shirt that matches these pants. So... drinks in the clubhouse?Can't. My kid's in a play.Yeah, I'm meeting a client for another round of golf. Hey, if you see Luke, will you give him a hug for me? Will do. Hey, I was seriousabout we should play again sometime.It's a crazy thingthat if I'd been less of a hard head when you were a kid, we could have had 20 years in this dumb game.No, it was half my fault.I mean, I-I used to be pretty sensitive.So y-you really weren't"Cat's in the cradling" me back there?Of course not.How have I not heard of this song you keep talking about?- You have. It's the worst. - It's the schmaltziest. Unbearable.I'll play it on the way back. I have it on my iPod phone.*And the cat's in the cradle*And the silver spoon*Little boy blue and the man on the moon*When you coming home, dad?*I don't know when,*But we'll get together then.*You know we'll have a good time thenI should have golfed with you sooner, dad.I never made the time.Luke!I need to call my son.What time is it in Damascus?Why don't I just draw them a map?Ready to play, Phil?I can't, Carl! My boy's sets are in a play!I get the feeling that something wonderfulhas happened to someone you know.Yes, it's Manny.He got the lead role in the school play.Yes, that's it.Okay, I think you might have met her halfway on that one. Do you feel that?A presence has just entered the room.Or the A.C. kicked in.Gloria, I have to say something.It's your abuela.Which one?Is she smoking a pipe, or is she smoking a cigar?A cigar.My mother's mother.I miss her so much.She says she misses you, too.I wish that she was here now to see Fulgencio Joe. She has seen him,and she says he is beautiful.He is, isn't he?Tell her that I love her.She knows.Thank you so much for that.You see now?I think I do.*The music of the nightOkay, Manny, quick question.Did you forget the notes I gave youor just choose to ignore them?Where are you going with that?We need an extra one up front.Mr. Namagachi decided to come.Oh, you mean the disgraced teacher I replacedsuddenly has an interest in this production? He's parking his peugeot right now.Wow, the vultures are officially circling. Okay, Manny, it's no secretthat you were not my first choice for this,or my second.But it's not too late for youto make this your very own phantom.So I want you to watch what Luke did,and copy that.*Silently the senses- *Abandon their...* - He was glorious. Every note, every nuance... I was transported, and I was furious.But my quarrel wasn't with Luke.It was with god.Save a seat for your sister.Excuse me. I think that's my seat.Dad! What are you doing here?Are you kiddin' me?My grandson paints the sets for a play,and I'm not gonna drive in from Florida, hmm? Is this one taken?All yours.That sweatshirt...I'm on the tennis team.We're the valley science knights.The knights?*Nighttime sharpens*Heightens each sensation- What? - *Darkness stirs- That's Luke. - No.*And wakes imagination*Silently the senses- *Abandon their defenses* - That could have been you out there. No, it wouldn't have been right.I'm sure you would've gotten some of it right.Not what I meant.Hey, thanks for meeting me here.No reason we can't mix businesswith a little pleasure. Am I right?I'm just excited to find someone who enjoys this sportas much as I do.I'm gonna be straight with you, Carl.You got a ton of inventory to move,and you're in need of a serious realtor.Hup hup!So how firm are you on your commission?As I think you can see, I'm quite flexible.I'll be honest, Phil, I like you.I think I'm ready to move forward with this.Really? Well, I'm thrilled.Hey, you know, we could make this official. Nice form, son!I'm talking about that contract, of course. You still got it, dad.That's my dad.Hi.。

Clive Bixby.What a sexy surprise.Quick question.Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?Because you--uh...I'm gonna come in again.We are watching baby Joe on Valentine's Dayso my dad and Gloria can...- Make love. - Ew. Don't.The point is, we are celebrating a day early.So they can finally be intimate.You've... more than made that point.I'm just saying it's a long wait after giving birth.Six weeks.I couldn't keep my hands off this one for that long.I can only imagine what Jay's going through.Voila.Square knot. Impressive.I can make any kind of knot.It's like I have a sailor in my mouth.I should check on the kids.Haley took 'em to a movie. She's not even gonna answer.I know, but, sweetie, I have a good reason to worry. Luke had that nasty nosebleed this morning,and Alex, as usual, fainted.She's fine, and Dunphy men get nosebleeds.I told you this when we got married. It was in my vows.I'm still a little unclear as to why you put them in your vows-- Just finish that drink, pretty lady.We got a big night ahead of us.Okay.First, we have a date with romance.A threesome, if you will.From here, we move on to an old-fashioned blimpnic.Now is that the one where the man has to face out at the woman... It's a picnic on a blimp.Champagne, cheese, and this beautiful city beneath us.That actually sounds really romantic.After that, we swap our earplugs for some earmuffs,And take a few moonlit turns around the local ice rink.From there, it's a quick trip back to the hotel,- where... - I'm spinning.Well, I wouldn't start with that,but, uh, we--we can work our way up to it.No. I'm feeling really weird.Catch that, Clive? Just tell me what you want.Juliana?Claire?One of you needs to answer me.Blood pressure's still good.I think I can send you home.Great. So it was probably just low blood sugar or something?See, honey? I told you it was nothing to worry about. Well, it's not nothing.You did have a small heart episode.Dr. Coben, this may have been my fault.I think I was being... too sexy.Yeah, I don't think that's an issue.You sure about that?Um, doctor, you're not saying thatI had a heart attack or something, right?Not at all. What you have is a very minor arrhythmia, known as wolff-parkinson-white syndrome.It's hereditary, so you're off the hook.Oh, yeah. My mom has that.We'll treat it with medicationand have you back in a couple of days.In the meantime, just take it easy.Okay. Thank you!I guess we should tell your dadwe can't watch the baby tomorrow.No. No.I don't want everyone to know about this.They're just gonna get worriedand--and make a bigger deal of it than it is. Sweetheart, promise me?I promise. I know it's not that big a deal.This is a huge deal...for which I'm partly responsible,in spite of what Claire's lesbian doctor says.Hey, honey, I was just reading about this wolff-white thing. It's not that serious. You're gonna be fine.I know.Who's ready to hit the ice?- What? - Come on.Somebody promised me a moonlit skate.But didn't the doctor say you needed to take it easy?Oh, that's just one of those things they have to say,Like, "You can't drink when you're pregnant."Come on. We're not gonna seriously blow off valentine's day, are we?No. I just thought why... ice things downwhen we could heat things up?- Oh, I like where this is going. - Right?- Yes. - Yeah?Ye--no!Honey, I know what you're doing.You're treating me like a patient,- and you promised that you wouldn't. - No.No, no, no, no, no. I just had a better idea.What?Side-by-side couples massage.Just you, me, and a couple Cambodian guysto work us over good.Specific.What is that?You think the kids are home?That sounds like more than our three.They think we're not home, and they're having a party.- I'm killing them. - No, no, no. No, no, no."A"--it's my turn to kill them."B"--you need to order up those massages.It's under "Best number one U.S.A. Coca-cola good time massage." What the hell is going on?!Dad? What are you doing home?So this is how it is?We're gone for a minute, and you guys throw a party?No!Just texted mom we're having a good time at the movies.It works every t--aah!- So this is a regular thing? - No!You know the drill. Coolers our b--aah--ack!Enough! Turn off the music!Everybody who I did not create, get out of my house right now!I don't want to get upset.I've been through enough tonight.- What happened? - I'm not supposed to tell you.When you say it like that, we make it worse in our head.Fine. It's no big deal.Your mother had to go to the hospital.- Oh, my god! - What?!That is so much worse than it would be in our heads! She's fine. She just passed out a little.Something to do with her heart.- Like a heart attack?! - Mom had a heart attack?!- Mom almost died of a heart attack?! - No!She had a little episode, probably triggered by me. She just needs to rest.For once, let's not think about ourselves.Phil, everything okay?Fine! I'm coming!Just act like everything's normal.Oh, and if, uh, two Cambodian guys show up, Send them to our bedroom.Kids had a few friends over.I handled it.So you're good at handling things.You like?Me love, but is this appropriate massage wear? They were busy, which is what we should be getting. Honey.Honey, are you sure this is okay for your--aah! Honey, are you sure this is okay for your--aah! Salty.I still have a few moves.Mm, that's the chips, sweetie.- Oh, sorry. - Right.Mom, we need to talk to you.Dad told us not to say anything,But we're really worried about you.- You told them?! - No!You had a heart attack?- Phil! - That is not what I said.Kids, everything is fine.- Call 9-1-1! - Oh, god!Her heart exploded!Oh, my god! I did it again!Phil, it's your nose!This is the one thing--The one thing I ask from you is not to make a big deal of this, And you couldn't even do that.Honey, you need to stay calm.No, I don't, because I am fine.We are all fine.- Oh, god. - Haley, revive your sister.Not in the mood for an apology, Phil.Good, 'cause you're not gettin' one.I'm allowed to worry about you.Yeah, when there's something to worry about.But this was nothing. I told you, my mom has this.Which I just found out about today.How has that not come up in 20 years?I was... getting to it.Look, I know you feel likeyou have to be the rock for this familyand worry about everybody's boy problems and nosebleeds And... who has enough greens.They're supposed to cover half the plate.Claire, stop it.I'm saying you could let us take care of youevery once in a while.Like for example, when you clutch your chest and collapse. This house isn't gonna crumble in the dustif you let yourself be vulnerable.We don't know that.We could find out.It was kind of scary.Of course.- Until I knew what it was, and then-- - Don't ruin it.I just have one more question.Did it hurt?Well, I blacked out before I--When you fell from heaven?Nailed it.Nailed it.You just take care of Claire. We got Joe.Gloria?Si, mi amor?Happy valentine's--Wait. Wait. Wait. Time-out.That was Phil. They can't watch Joe today.Claire was in the emergency room last night.- Is she okay? - She's gonna be fine,- But, you know, she had a little bit-- - Okay, good.I love how you look in this suit.Let's see how it looks on the floor, okay?Okay, but I gotta be in a meeting in one hour.Ay, that's so cute that after six weeks,you think you're going to need an hour!Happy valentine's day!It's the one time of the yearwhen the world tries to be as romantic as I am all the time. - Good luck, world. - Get out.Anyway, since you're almost done dressing Jay...How about we head to school early?I'll check my hair and meet you in the car.Gloria, I'll be back in two hours, tops.We decide who does what when you come back.I got a ticket running a red light...So let's make this worth it. Put the kid down.I can't. He's being a real Pritchett.We need to come up with a different term for that. Watch.Watch.Okay, I used to have a TV got reception like that.Let me try. Hey, Joe Joe. Hey buddy.Guy to guy,you're blocking me a little bit. You know that.Yes, you do. Yes, you do, Joe.Hey, how about a half-hour? What do you say, pal? Huh?Can you do it?Attaboy!I've never been more attracted... to you.Prove it.- Are you kissing? - That's a bit of a mood killer.My daddies kiss a lot.And flatlined.Mitch and Cam are having a party for valentine's.Claire was supposed to take care of her, but now she can't. Lily, we're so happy to have you here.I have a big surprise for you!Look! A brand-new, shiny TV remote!Looks complicated.Just keep hitting all those buttons until something good happens. Just keep hitting all those buttons until something good happens. That's my plan, anyway.Where were all these distractionsthe night that Joe was conceived?I'm kidding. He's a blessing.Can I help you?Yeah, I'm Harlan. I'm here to do your baby proofing. Jay, I've been waiting for this appointment for weeks.I've waited longer for mine.The human race has survived for a thousand years without these foam bumpers and--and gates everywhere. Hell, I used to drive to the supermarketwith Mitchell and Claire on the hood of the car.When did everybody get so overprotective?Maybe when kids started flying off cars.How long?Normally I have help, but Dale, uh...You met Dale at the shop. He's a tall guy.- He's my sister's kid-- - Hey, listen.You and I are gonna bang this out in about an hour. Where do you want it?I know a lot of people think that I'm attracted to Jay because of his money, but they're wrong.I'm attracted to him because he's sexy,And he's never been sexier than today.The suit...The carrying of the boxes...No, no. You listen to me.You've had my wife's car four days.Figure out what that screeching noise is,or you'll be making one yourself.The yelling on the phone...Give me that.And the drilling.So much drilling.Time to go, Harlan.Okay. You want me to walk you through any of the--- No, we'll take it from here. - Okay. Uh, listen.Give me a call if you have any trouble with the gates, because they're a little tricky, you know?You gotta be gentle with it.Ten seconds, or I start without you.Ready or not, here I...Come on!Okay, you have to lift it.It's not a lift. It's a squeeze.Okay, then squeeze it!I'm squeezing it! It's impossible!Jay, please.Best day ever!I just got invited to a valentine's party by a secret admirer! - You should go. - Sounds great! Go!I obviously need to get dressed first.Can you keep it under a half-hour?You're funny.Manny, come on. Let's go!Relax.You don't have to drive me. It's just down the street.Oh, I thought I... had to drive you.What's with the hat?My secret admirer requestedI wear a hat with a feather in it.I'm like, "Which one?"Really?This secret admirer have any other requests?Uh, yes.She asked me to bring some poetry to recite at the party. These, uh, kids at the party...they wouldn't be the popular ones by any chance?The most popular. Why?No reason. Just... Have fun.I will.No, Jay.It's squeeze.What? I have cigar breath?It's not you.Ay. Did you already...What?No!No. I'm worried about Manny.I think he's being set up forsome kind of humiliation at that party.Oh. That's so sweet of you to worry.Just when you thought that you couldn't get any sexier.- Yeah, he's fine, right? - Yeah, he's fine.Come here...Oh, I think I gotta check on him.There was something about some kind of secret admirer- getting him to... - Bring his poems?Yeah, he told me when I was lint-rolling his jacket.And you're not worried it's a prank?Of course I worry.I worry about him all the time.But like you said,we can't protect them from everything.So I'm just trying to, like, let go a little bit.Let him ride on top of the car?No, that's just crazy.That's the hardest part, isn't it?When you realize you can't stop the world from hurting them. Now you're making me want to cry.This is not what this day is all about.You're right.Okay.I'll go and get us some champagne.Good idea.Manny?No, nothing.Just wanted to know if everything is okay.Hi, honey. Sorry to bother you.I know you're resting.I heard you had a little scare last night.Hey, uh, when are you going back to the doctor? 'cause if you want, I can go with you.'cause if you want, I can go with you.This year for Valentine's Day,we decided to throw a lonely hearts partyfor all of our single friends.Sometimes when we're around them,we feel a little guilty for having found each other, like we're waving our love in their faces.There's gotta be a better way of saying that. Anyway, it was supposed to be an elegant affair. Ogle me.Showtime. Put the cat away.Okay. Yeah. Great.- Oh, and, Mitchell, please... Hey. - Yeah? Please try to have fun tonight.I always have fun.No, I know you're great at stay-at-home funand sit-on-the-couch fun,but this is party fun, and sometimes you-- Okay, this is not fun.Get the door.I will show you some fun.Things got a little hazy after that.Yeah, hi--hi, dad.No, no. I'm up. I am up.Yeah, bring her by at any time.Okay. Good night.Oh, Cam.Oh, god, that was some party last night.Yeah. Well, I'm just glad you made it home safely.Wha--made--made it ho-- I don't--I don't even remember leaving the party.Oh, I-I think I got a little tipsy.Tipsy?You were like all of the "Mad Men."Oh, no, no, no.Don't make it out like I did a lot of crazy, out of control--I was hoping I dreamt that.Come on. Like--like you've never had a few cocktailsand died a cat pink with cherry Kool-Aid.Okay. Well, is there anything else you need to tell me about? Not that I remember.I'm remembering this.Oh, my gosh, Mitchell,are these Burt and Dottie Winchell'sChristmas decorations? How could you?They never take them down, okay?I was doing the whole neighborhood a favor.Cam, I... You know, I think-- I-I think there are pictures.I remember Pepper and Longinus were--okay.Oh, my gosh. Those poor reindeer.Oh, it seems like Prancer is the belle of the ball--Oh, it seems like Prancer is the belle of the ball--No surprise there.Oh. You must be Vixen.Okay. Okay. Not funny, Mitchell.Look at this place. What were you thinking?Okay. Cam, I... Yes, I went a little nuts, all right?I-I'm sorry.But I didn't do anything that can't be undone.Hey, roomies.Hey, thank you so much for letting me move in here. Yes. Could you excuse us for just a...a moment, Dylan?Yeah. Take as much time as you need.It's your house. I just live here now.Cam, did--did I tell him that he could live with us?- Obviously. - Oh, my god.Was he even at our party?Yes. He's been driving a limousine for some company, and J'marcus hired him for the night,and now he lives here. Are you all caught up there?I-I don't remember any of this.Well, let's create a new memory--One where you tell him he can't live here.Can I say one short thing?I came to this house a broken manafter my mom threw me out for her new boyfriend. And then I found outI was getting let go from the limo companythe same night Haley goes to a party without me. So I had nothing and no one.And then you...Okay. Come on. Tell him.Let him finish.I'm sorry.I mean, gay dudes have always been nice to me-- I mean, super nice.But nothing like this.I guess what I'm trying to say is...Oh, my god. He's gonna sing.*So many years living life underwater*Came up for air in the room of your daughter*I never knew I would find my answer*In my ex-girlfriend's uncles' house*With the tiny pink pantherDylan, Dylan. I'm--I'm sorry.Oh, gosh, I--this is...This is really hard for me to say,but we--we just cannot...Not wash our cat.I'm sorry.And yet when I did that drunk, not a scratch.Oh, my gosh, this place is cleaner than when we moved in.Best houseguest ever.No, we are not keeping him.Do you think he took the christmas decorations back to the Winchell's? Oh, well, I think he thinks he did.- What? - Okay, yeah.- Dylan! - Dylan!- Dylan! - No, no, no!Oh, hey, guys. I'm up here.Yeah, hi. Listen, Dylan,those decorations were on the yard...Of that house.Oh. No good deed, huh?Hey! I can see our house from here.- Oh, jeez. Are you kidding me? - Dylan! Dylan!This day...One night. Just till his bone sets.But there's always gonna be a reason not to tell him,isn't there?Okay. What if we, um--No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.No "We." You made your bed. You lie in it.Don't lie there. I just made it.Sorry.Not looking. Not looking.It's okay, Dylan.I made you guys some soups.Oh, Dylan, you didn't have to do that.Well, Cam didn't have to offer to let me stay here, but he did.So here are soups.Cam offered?Well, I know he was speaking for both of you. You weren't home yet. Is that a problem?Not for me.Dylan, can you give us just a moment?Not looking. Not looking.I'll get it!So I guess in a way,we're both responsible.Yeah, but in the real way, you're responsible. Take care of that.Come on.Let's do it.Oh, my god. I hate myself right now.What kind of monsterthrows an injured innocent onto the street?You can't live here. Get out!- Lily. - Lily.It's weird. You're a big boy.- I'm sorry, Dylan. - She doesn't mean that. No. She's right. Everyone says it.I need to stop running from conflict.It's time to be a big boy and patch things up and move back in with my mom.I'll get my things.- Okay. Sorry. - Sorry.I guess I got off easy.She is blunt but effective.Maybe we should have her talk to the gardener. Cam, um...Do you really think that I'm not any fun?- What? - Last night, you said that I--This isn't a hotel!Yeah, you made your point, honey!He's got it.No, it--I only drank like that last night because I... I was trying to be more fun.Oh. No, I didn't mean it like that.I'm sorry.You know I have party anxiety. I was nervous. No, but you're not entirely wrong.I mean, I-I could be a little... less uptightand loosen up a little bit.Yeah. Maybe we could, you know,aim for middle-ground fun.You know, if--if you're up for a do-over,I recently heard of an ideathat could put us in the low endof upper middle-ground fun.Okay.Do you believe in love at first sight,or should I walk in again?- Jay? - Coming, honey! Oh, god.There you are, Jay. I thought you'd never wake up. Turns out my night with my secret admirer couldn't have gone better.We danced all night. And the best part was,- Her eyes were just... - Manny. Manny, manny-- Dying to hear it.Wait ten seconds and come in and tell both of us. Jay, you took so long.I'm not done with you.I'm not done with you, either.Best valentine's party ever.So there's this girl--I should start from the beginning.- All right. - So first a little history...。

So, honey, Ibiza can onlytake us at 6:30 tonight.Great. I will meet you at Ibiza.It's pronounced "Ibeetha", not "Ibeeza".Oh, thanks, honey.That reminds me - this weekend,I want to see that baby panda at the "thoo". Yeah... I'm the idiot.This year for Valentine's Day,we're gonna have a nice,quiet dinner at Ibiza.Last year, we, um...We overreached... a little.We created sexy alter egosClive and Julianamet in the hotel bar.This one lost her pantiesin the lobby in front of her dad...- Phil. - Which was stillit was hard. It was hard for her.You know I can't stand it when you use that word. - "Panties"? - Yeah, that. Yes. That word. Sorry. She lost her underpanties.- So? - So?Well, huh? So?- What's happening? - Flowers?Is someone pointing a gun at you?Oh, for goodness' sake.Did you get the flowers Lily and I sent you?Oh, that's so sweet. No. No, I didn't get anything. Really? Did you check with that assistant of yours? Broderick!Uh, did you get any flowers today?No. Sadly, I'm without Valentine this year.No, for Mitchell! The flowers are for Mitchell!Oh, that's right.Oops.Mitchell's assistant has a huge crush on him.He does not.And I think the only prudent thingto do is say, "You're fired. "Don't be jealous.He just looks up to me.The thing about Mitchell is he can be naive.He is completely unaware of how absolutely adorable he is. Oh. Okay, well, thank you.But I am aware when someone has a crush on me,and he does not have a crush on me.Yes, he has a crash on me.I was a little concerned whenthey said they could only take us at 6:30, but...I know. This house is on fire, right?Now, this is how you do V-Day.Except most of these peoplecould have been here on V-E Day.could have been here on V-E Day.But it's classy, which we deserve.Yes, we do.What were we thinking last year,acting like a couple of teenagers?I know. Oh!Hey, we've had our crazy Valentine's Days.We tore it up!But you got to know when to let that stuff go. Yeah.All those kids out there arejust looking for something that we've already got. Yeah.- I love you. - I love you, too.Oh, my gosh!- Are you okay? - I'm good. We're good.Are you all right?This is my first day in one of these things.Oh, hey, let me, let me help you out.How about I park it over there for you, okay? Oh, thank you.Here's your valet ticket.I'm kidding, actually. That's my valet ticket.All right.Let's see.Lefty loosey, righty tighty. Hey!All right.This is fun, Claire. You got to try this.Phil.- He is the natural. - Thank you.I know Phil and I are gonna grow old together someday... This thing needs mirrors.But today is not that day.Hello?Hello, may I speak to Clive?I'm sorry. I think you have the wrong number. Bye-bye.I got disconnected. Would you mind redialing?Hello?Hello, Clive. This is Juliana.Look lady, please stop calling me.- This is... - No. Phil. Phil. Phil. Don't hang up.- Claire? - No, no, no. Not Claire.Juliana.And you're Clive Bixby, remember?We met at the hotel bar last year.Now... make up some lie, ditch that wife of yours,and meet me at our hotel in 30 minutes.You think you can you manage that?Baby doll, I've been lying to my wife for 16 years.Okay. See ya.So... Champagne?Um, actually, Claire, something's come up.So... gotta go.You're not ditching me here on Valentine's Day. Screw that. Sit.But... o- okay.We'll - we'll stay.- Phil. - Oh, that's part of it?So hot!Claire. I'm leaving. Deal with it.So, no one walks anymore!Should be just few more minutes.When is our reservation?Here's the thing.No, not "the thing. " I hate "the thing".My secretary screwed up anddidn't get us one. Don't worry.I'll slip the guy a few bucks.What kind of idiot messes up two Valentine's in a row? Not this idiot.Two months ago, I booked a private chef,musicians - the works...for a romantic dinner at home.I just had to get the senorita outof the house while they set up.This is 50 bucks. Do not give us a table.What's the money for?You also must refuse my wife. She's very persuasive. Just a couple more minutes.So we don't get the table at the fancy restaurant, which drives Gloria crazy."Jay, why you not be no more romantic to me?".We walk in the door, and bam!She looks like a big idiot.And isn't that what Valentine's Day is all about? Jay, come here. We're in.Your secretary didn't forget. Look.Pritchett for two.Just a reminder. I need the television at 8:00. Jeremy and I have a phone dateto watch "Love Actually".That's the lamest plan ever, and I'm jealous.So, my boyfriend, David,blows me off onthe most romantic night of the year - to study!This is the worst Valentine's Day.Best Valentine's Day ever!David stands up Haley,and old boyfriend Dylan is out of the picture.I'm not saying I miss Dylan,but at least he was romantic.David never sent me a jar of his own tears.I'm playing the long game here.Like me today, love me tomorrow.She's had the romantic. She's had the intellectual. How about all of that in one fine,little brown package?- I've hit a new low. - You can talk to me.And I'm lower.Just picking up some things.I am not here.Name tags, name tags, name tags.Come on! Bingo!I know what to do.Dylan's been texting me again.Bet if David knew that,he'd come running right over here.Wait. Before you start playing these games,let me ask you one simple question...Who is Haley Dunphy?- Don't do it, Haley! - Stop following me.Let me just say my piece.No.Look, you can be the Haleywho defines herself as David's girlfriend,or Dylan's girlfriend,or you can be your own Haley.Maybe you haven't met her,but I know her.She's an amazing person.So when you're ready, I'd like to introduce you. Cameron! Is there something I can do you for? No. I just came by to pick up my man.I'm taking him to Ibiza tonight.Ooh, I've heard good things about Ibiza.But I'm afraid he may have to meet you there. He's in the middle of a meeting.On Valentine's night?I didn't realize when I scheduled it. It's my fault. Gasp. I'm shocked.I could drop him off atthe restaurant as soon as they wrap it up.Oh, aren't you a dear?I'd like to mount your head in my trophy room. Cam!Wait.Have I upset you in any way?Oh, please. Let's not play this game.We both know what's going on.Have I been that obvious?Uh, the flowers that don't get delivered,the Valentine's Day plans that get interrupted... Do I really need to spell it out for you?Me, Mitchell - wedge.Don't hate me. It's just...so hard to see someoneelse have something you want and can't have.Does Broderick have a crush? Yes.On someone he frequently sees at the office?Yes.Does that man have red hair and a beard?No, but his boyfriend does.It's me. The - the crush is on me.This is you.Oh, did I validate you?Oh, yes.- Appletini? - It was.You're looking handsome as ever, Clive.As are you, Juliana.You look hot enough to cook a pizza on...in.I see the speaker business is treating you well.I don't like to talk about money...but I have exactly $10 million...minus the cost of your next drink.Two. Just two appletinis, please.Thank you so much.Yeah...Why do I get the feeling you're not really a salesman?Ohh... pretty and smart.Ohh... pretty and smart.or should I say "pretty smart"?I might do some high-risk work forUncle Sam that takes me clear around the country. Mm, so you could say you're a...national man of mystery.- Never did catch what you do. - Didn't you? Surprising, I know. I'm usuallypretty good at catching things from women in bars. Well... Clive, I am just a bored housewifewith a dark side and an hour to killIs that what I think it is?It's not a gift card. Or maybe it is.I'll be upstairs, Clive. Don't take too long.I never do.- Jay, relax. - I'm sorry. The place is a dump.- It's beautiful. - Nothing good on the menu.You see the hands on our waiter?Looks like he's been birthing hogs.Let's just get out of here.I don't know what's wrong with you tonight,but I'm hungry, I look fantastic,we're staying.Five-course dinner waiting at home,and she's strapping on the feed bag at Ibiza.But then an angel from heaven saved the night.You took our reservation!"Pritchett for two" is us.Come on, let's go! Move your bottom. Come on. Come on.A big gay angel.- Hello. - Hello, Clive.How close are you?I am right outside your door.- Are you ready? - Oh, I'm ready.I don't think you are, because I can still hear your pants. Well, maybe I should just shut them up.I'll be out in a minute.So... will... I.Juliana?Clive, where are you?You have to come find me.Hello?Clive, I give up. Where are you?I'm right here on the bed.Phil, what room are you in?- Who's this "Phil"? - Seriously, what room are you in?- I'm in... 702. - I'm in 226.What?!Well, w-whose room is this, then?There's been a tiny mistake.By the way, I need to apologize to you.I'm sorry I got so silly with all that Broderick stuff earlier. Oh, please, do not worry about it.Cam, I like it when you get a little jealous.Cut it out.As long as we can agreehe does not have a crush on me.Absolutely.- So, to us. - To us.He does not have a crush on you.- No. - Nope.Why do I feel like you're hinting at something? Mitchell,we have talked long enough about Broderick's crush, which he does not have...on you.- Oh, my God, what? - Okay, fine.Since you won't let it go...your assistant is hot for me.That's why he's been playing the saboteur.And you're sure it's not because he wants me?You just said he didn't.Well, I was protecting your feelings.He hugged me in the elevator.He hugged me in the elevator.Well, pick out chinaand move to Vermont.He said it kills him to see someone else have something he wants. Yes. Yes. You're the someone and I'm the something.Okay. All right.- Call him. - Call him?Call him.Why don't we just go over tohis house and stand on opposite sides of the roomand see which one of us he runs to?You get the check. I'll get the car.We are not going over there.And we're not calling him.Cam, who cares which one of us he has a crush on?The important thing is, I have a crush on you.And I wouldn't blame Broderick if he did, too.That's so sweet.I- I wouldn't blame him if he had a crush on you, either. Good.- "Good" What? - Just, good."Good" meaning we're done with this, or"Good" meaning you still think he has a crush on you?Oh, Cam!- The second one. - I'm getting the car.Would you please just come in the house?!You had a whole year to plan, but you don't make an effort.I am the second wife, Jay.Why do you treat me like I'm the first?Look about it inside. Where are you going?I'm gonna take a ride. I need to cool down.Just come in the house. I promise you'll feel better.I don't want to go in there.You're gonna like it better inside.Don't hold me back.I'm sorry about this, honey. I'm sorry.Jay, what are you doing? Are you crazy?!Jay, what are you doing? Are you crazy?!What are you doing? Have you lost your mind? No, but you're about to.Happy Valentine's Day!What the hell?Gloria!Honey.I'm going for a drive.I had a whole private dinner planned.I don't know what happened.But I do. I know exactly what happened!No, you don't.- What the hell? - I win!I see you sneaking around, trying to trick me,so when I figure it out,I move the party over here, and I trick you. I win! What do you mean, you win?I know you think I think you're not romantic,but I think you think I'm not smarter than you.So now we know.You are romantic, and I'm smarter than you.And I bought you a motorcycle.Oh, my God. It's fantastic.I win again!Honey, I love all this, but you can't win Valentine's Day.I mean, you defeat the whole ideaif you make it into some silly competition.Shut up. I win.- Let's go. - So we're really doing this?- Oh, we're doing this. - Well, it's gonna be me.- I'm already embarrassed for you. - All right.- Oh, wait. - What?- Oh, it's a text from Broderick. - Read it. "Mitchell, by now I'm sure Cameronhas told you what happened in the elevator.While I meant every word I said,I realize how unprofessional I was.Please accept my resignation.What you have with Cam is very special,and I would never forgive myself if I came between you. Treasure each other. Sincerely, Broderick".- Oh, Cam, what are we doing here? - I don't know. Maybe if some assistant's crushis so important to us,it means we should appreciate each other a little bit more. Well, I can't think of a better time to start. Come here.And the great thing about that textis we don't have to know which one of us he wanted.I know.I know.What are you doing?Valentine's Day isn't over yet, Juliana.Sweetie, let's not push it.You almost got arrested tonight.That's how it's gonna be?- You're just giving up on us? - I am not giving up on us.I am giving up on Clive and Juliana.Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.I know a couple of people who could possibly save this night. Maybe you've heard of them..."Two American kids, doing the best that they can..."Phil and Claire Dunphy.I am not going back to that hotel tonight,and I'm pretty sure you're not allowed to.Don't need to. Phil and Claire have a bedroom,which they can turn into a hotel whenever they want.But the kids...They're not expecting us home this early.So, you up for a little adventure...Claire?Do you think you can handle it...Phil?"I can't be the girl you want me to be, David."I can only be me. Goodbye. Haley."Send it.- I don't know. - Here, I'll help you.No, no, no, no, no!Wow.That feels really good.Because you're free.And really scary. I haven't been single since I was 9.That's why you need to take your time now...Really get to know yourself before you make any decisions... Five, six years maybe.Years?! I have to call David.The boy who tossed you aside on Valentine's Day?No.You deserve better, Haley,a dreamer, a poet.Wait for him.He may be closer than you think.Do you hear music?Yes, and the fact that you hear it, too...Is that Dylan?!Oh my God!*Imagine me naked.Am I a bad enough parent to ignore that? You are. You're really bad.*Without my best friend.You know, the old Haley would have... - I love you, baby! - Haley!Salud, Jay!- There's my back. - Phil.- Oh, no, keep the change. - Oh, thanks. Did you put an extra tiramisu in here?- Maybe. - Ryan, again?I just like coming here.I tell you, if you were single...- Ryan! - Ryan!。

Didn't you just cut his hair?Yes, but it's his kindergarten graduation party today. Okay, no messy goodbyes, I'm out of here.Ay, papi, I'm going to miss you.Can you at least stay for the party that I'm making for Joe? Mom, Mrs. Nussbaum is paying meto get her car to Delaware by Friday at noon.I already lost an hour looking for my driving gloves.You're plowing through the heartlandsin an inchworm-green Camrywith a bumper sticker that says "Meat is Murder."I hid these gloves for a reason.Listen, uh, we weren't kidding about you being careful. And, uh, not to get dramatic, just keep your wits about you. Here.What the hell is that?It's an air freshener. What does it look like?I'm going on the Martha Stewartbed-and-breakfast tour of America,bed-and-breakfast tour of America,not an Aboriginal manhood quest.I'm not saying you're gonna need it,just better safe than sorry.Slash, don't stab.Stop wiggling. I'm almost done.Why'd you gasp?Ah! My hair is my identity!Uh, Cam? Uh, turns out I have to do that work thing after all. I'll meet you at Joe's party?Oh, okay. Cal, come give your Uncle Mitchell a hug.Hug!No. No, no hug. No -- where is he?Which way is he coming from? Coming from?Cam's sister's son is staying with usbecause, well, you know, she's back in jail.But she didn't do anything terrible.She just didn't understandthe rules of her probation from last time, when --When she did something a little terrible.But we're taking baby Cal back tolive with my parents on the farm.Which is a good thing because he's not really a --a house baby.No, no, he's freakishly strong and off the charts size-wise. On the charts. 99th percentile.He has two teeth and I've seen him eat a whole chicken.All right, I got to go.Wait, where's my hug?- Hug! - Go! Go! Save yourself!Our costumes are in the back.Phil and I are going to Hero-Conto indulge in our love of fantasy fiction.Um, I-I've always wanted to go,but I-it's a little nerd-forward,and I was always afraid my family would make fun of me. So I've asked Phil to keep it between us.That's why we chose our secret warrior signal.My first suggestion was to blow a Viking horn.- Don't ever Google that, by the way. - I already did.- Don't ever Google that, by the way. - I already did.This year, there's a panel, um, on our favorite show, "Clash of Swords."It's got a lot of graphic violence and female nudity,but that's part of its appealto the fierce warrior inside every man.My eyeliner keeps smudging.Thanks a lot, gal at the MAC counter.Who cares? We look great.Let's do this!Just remember we left our trusty steed in section 22B.I can't do it, Phil.Oh, okay. I can write it down.No, no. I-I-I thought I was ready, but I'm not.I'm not. I-I've fantasized so long about coming,and now that -- that we're here, I am...I'm mortified, okay? I'm a 40-year-old man.No, you're not.You're a 390-year-old Highland Norph.And you're walking in with a lifer.This baby gets us all-access and two free yards of mead. Through those doors lies your destiny.What's the Galderean word for "Bravery"? Lochtani.- Again! - Lochtani.Namu oponggi su-whi-gorth!Have you seen Margaret?I need her to clear my day.I just found out you can get the Golf Channel online. Nope, she's out sick again.Oh, Dad, don't forget we're about to meet withthose guys from that start-up.Oh, right, aspiring closeteersseeking advice from an industry legend.Yeah, just skip that part of your speechwhere you say "I didn't choose closets --"They chose me!...We didn't know where to hang up our puffer vests,so we just dropped them on some rando's desk.Hi. You must be the guys from EzraVision.Yes, I am Nick. And these are my guys.Jay Pritchett, obviously.Fellas, take a seat. Make yourself comfortable.Which one is gonna be holding the tape recorder?You know what? Why don't we just make this quick?We actually have to go hang out in a bike shopthat only plays Drake.So here's our offer, best and final.Offer for what?For your company.We want to buy you out.I'm sorry, we thought that you were here to just,you know, get information.Get out of here!Dad, if you would just let me speak --Who do you think you are,marching in here like a bunch of hotshots?And why is nobody wearing socks?!Ooh, lower the B.P., O.G.We're actually trying to do you a favor.Okay, I think you have this twisted.This company has been around since before you all were born. Except for maybe him. How is he part of this?This guy? That's our over-40 diversity hire.Listen, we have developed smart-closet technologythat's gonna make places like this obsolete.We are giving you a chanceto get out while you're still ahead.Speaking of which -- Get out of here!Okay. Offer's good for 48 hours.Two get out of heres?You believe these punks?I mean, what was with all this eye contact?In my day, nerds had the decency to stare at their shoes!Their website looks legitimate.I mean, they've got some pretty great clients.Wait a second, is that Margaret?She's working there. They must have poached her.She's working there. They must have poached her. Brainwashed her, is what they did.Margaret is very vulnerable.I've had to rescue her a bunch of timesfrom cults and an Amway pyramid.Come on. Let's get our girl back!You were all the way out of the Grand Canyonbefore you realized no one was on my donkey.But, sure, let's go save Margaret.Mom, my dinosaur party looks amazing!But we're in that room.But we're in that room.Somebody must've done another dinosaur party right next to us. Gloria?Doctor Donna Duncan.You remember my stepson, Digby.He prefers nonverbal communication.This is your party?You see, I saw that you had signed upto throw a party for Miss Jessica's class,so I thought I'd throw a little party for Miss Elaine.It belches fire and then shoots candy all over the room.Hey, girl, hey!I'm not going on your road trip.- What? - Luke told me that you've been hounding him because you don't want to drive cross-country alone.Oh, I'm just trying to do you a favor.You're going to a conference in Memphis.It's only 12 hours out of my way.Hey, no need to be afraid.Afraid?Manny, I'm a pretty girl who wears low-cut tops.I know what a scared 19-year-old boy looks like.Dude, you brought a pan flute to the fifth grade.You serenade girls who are way out of your league.You're a baller. You got this.- Thanks. - Anytime.Manny. Manny, this is kidnapping.Wow, this office is huge.Just placed it. This used to be Schweinberg's department store. Wall of TVs over there.I almost knocked down the display of fondue potswhen I saw they were letting Barbara Walters anchor the news. when I saw they were letting Barbara Walters anchor the news. Look who's here!You are not gonna regret taking our offer.Let's celebrate.We're not here to sell.We're here to bring Margaret home.Who's Margaret?Margie!Margie-Marge!How did they get you?Are you still wandering around alone in pet stores?I've told you, that's the kind of person these cults target!I like it here.They have one of those machines that makes every kind of soda. But you're diabetic. And a grown-up.You know, since you're here, why don't I show you the new model? Come here. Come over here.Come here. This is the EzraVision Elitist.Stand right over there.Face forward.Good afternoon, Ezra.Good afternoon. How may I help you?What is that?Ezra, full body scan.- Here we go. - Scan complete. Searching wardrobe.Based on today's weather forecast,here's your optimal outfit.Check the label.- Just my size. - Yes, it is.See, this is the future of closets --automated, intelligent --That's what they said about the "mood closet" in the '70s,- and I buried them. - Very cranky.Yes, but he has earned the right to be cranky,because my father is a giant in this industry,and he had to skip his ice-cream sandwich today to come here. Nick, it's time for laser tag.Yes! You know what?No matter how it shakes out, you can keep the pants.- Those are on me. - Let's go!Let's get the hell out of here.Hang on, Dad. I...I don't like these dorks any more than you do,but they might be onto something.What are you saying? You want to sell?No, I was thinking more of a merger.I did some digging,and they are two years behind on production.They need our manufacturing,and frankly, we need their technology.Nope, not gonna happen. End of conversation.Really?I-I'm having a business discussion.I am not negotiating a new bedtime.I'm not taking on an outside partner.Oh, I get it, 'cause you're not very good with partners.I mean, you put me in charge, like, nine times,but if it's an important decision,I should just shut up.Well, I can't help itif I have a sixth sense about this business.Closets chose me!Oh, my gosh! Hey!It's going great over there, huh?What's this? Are these kids in trouble?That's a different, fancier party than this.The only fun thing I have is that pyramid made out of -- Ay, Cam, look what your giant baby nephew did! Yeah, but you know, it's not his fault.He's three times the size of a child his age.And you know what, some Tucker boyshave a young growth spurt that's no picnic.I had to go to court to play Little League. Cameron, sweetie!I thought I heard your voicecutting through the joyless silence of this...I want to say party,but I'm afraid it will sound sarcastic.You guys are friends?Uh, well, we go to the same blowout parlor, yeah.Wait a minute, did you pay for my Belizian blowout just so I would shout the details of Gloria's partyso you could outdo her?Oh, look at you catching on.Kids, sorry to wake you.But I'm gonna leave these wristbands herein case any of you want to come ride our roller coaster. The mechanical kind,not the emotional one you've been onsince you came through these doors.Get out of here!Not you, not you, not you.Not you, not you, not you.Oh, God, this is worse than I thought.There are so many eyes on me.I mean, yes, sure,less because of all the cyclopses, but still.You can do this. Elf up.My two favorite Rhine maidens! Linda! Karen!Sold them a duplex.Sweet home Alduzzarna,it's the Foolmaker from "Clash of Swords" season five! I'm only on season three. I feel lost. Help me.Oh, okay. During the Feast of Figs,the Forest Prince banished Migolaf the Wandererto the outer reaches of The Forsaken Realm.Migolaf waylaid the Iguodalan Dwarvesand cursed the high cleric to an eternity of feeble-mindedness using the mighty scepter known as...The Foolmaker. I got to get a selfie.Ooh, careful! Careful!Oh, boy. Okay.Good thing it's not the real oneor I'd be cursed to spend the rest of my daysas a bumbling idiot.Aw, are you gonna have a little porridge maidenor a little warrior?I'm not pregnant, dipwad.Phil, why would you say that?!I don't know, it just came out.I mean, The Foolmaker --You're not cursed, okay? It's a prop. It's not real.All right. The panel's this way.Hey, man. Sick scale armor!Oh, really? You think so? It's not too much with the cape?I wanted something that would go from feast to battle.- Crushed it. - Yes!Oh, we're about to take our annual Norph group photo.- You coming? -Yes, yes!Phil, we're taking a pic--Oh, I'm sorry. I lost my friend.Hey, most of us come alone. You don't have to pretend.I -- Th--Oh, great, the Q&A's just starting.Mitch?That's a very, very good question...- Mitchell? - ...and the answer to that is...Scary ogre teeth. Where'd you get those?I'm guessing my birth parents.I'm so sorry.Why can't I just shut up?Sorry, was I going on too long?I didn't --You're Joel L.L. Logan.What's your question, friend?Don't be shy.I may have created this kingdom,but we're all fellow heirs to it.Isn't that right?In that case, Mr. Logan...Uh, I read on a fan pagethere's gonna be a Mozgovian uprising in the season finale that'll wipe out the entire ruling class,including the gruesome beheading of Adebayo the Righteous. Wait, a-are you -- are you gonna kill Adebayo?What? No, no.Who's -- Who -- Who's Adebayo?Oh, dear lord. It is true.You fool! Why would you ask him that?!We all stay off of spoiler sites for a reason!This show is the only thing I've got going on and you ruined it! They let you bring your spheres?!They took away my tweezers!Manny?This is the check Mrs. Nussbaum gave meto drive her car to Delaware.It's yours if you come with me.- Okay. - Wait, what?Well, Haley already warned me you'd be askingand I thought, sure.My favorite research institute is on the way.And I could bring my windsock and barometerfor that new weather modeling project I've been noodling with.I couldn't help noticing a lot of loose hairs on your pillowand a stack of fully completed Sudoku books.Weren't you supposed to be taking it easy this summer?No school, no projects --Yeah, I'm loving it.What are the chances I open your dresserand find a calendar with three X'd out daysand a giant red circle around the date school starts again?You don't know me.Look, you're facing a challenge that scares you,but you know in your heart you need to take it on.Because it'll help you growand become a stronger, more balanced person.Of course I know you're right, but it's hard!People are out there discovering planets,and I'm in here doing BuzzFeed quizzes.Like if I were to be a Beatle, who would I be?I'd be Ringo. Who cares, Manny?!Manny?I may have lost Phil, but I found my people.And the choreography was a snap.It's basically a river dance, uh, crossed with the hora.I bring news from the Catalina Room!A dark shadow has fallen upon the kingdom.The gods will not be pleased by this --Just get to it, Gary!Some dingus just spoiled the finale!This shall not go unpunished!Let's get him!Where have you been? I've been waiting forever.I was angry. I needed to take a walkso I could forget how pigheaded you can be.You want to take another lap?Dad, I am right about this.Eventually Nick is gonna figure out how to keep up with demand, and then where are we gonna be?I know your style has always been just tough it outand -- and beat back every threat --That's not it, Claire.You're right. We can't beat these guys.A merger's the only long-term play.I just don't know who I am in there.What?They're all 25, zippin' around on their...The hoverboards?What's that make me, the cute old guy?The mascot?"Old man Pritchett's in the men's room.Let's go watch him cuss out the automatic faucets again." Aw, Dad.I can't promise thatyou wouldn't feel old in that building,but from the outside looking in,I mean, you're the guywho's holding his own with kids a third his age.That makes you like the... the Tony Bennett of closets. 直到2010年代都还是有人气受赞扬的歌手I told you I took an elevator with him in Rome, right? Yeah, you did. And you know what,in that building there's a bunch of peoplewho have never heard that story.Did he have a Chihuahua with him?- A mink. - A mink?- A live mink. - Yeah.- All class. - Yeah.It's just a little intimidating.You don't think they're gonna be scared of you?Come on. Dad, look at them.I don't care what ironic T-shirt their closets pick out for them. Underneath, they're still nerds.I can't.Yeah, this might be okay.I want to see him. Let me through, let me through!You're the spoiler?I didn't do it on purpose!It was The Foolmaker!The scepter is a prop, okay?It's just the power of suggestion.Mitchell, they want to take away my all-access pass.- You've got to help me. - You know this scoundrel?Uh, yeah, I think our kids go to school with one --- Mitchell! ?- Okay yes, yes -- yes, I know him.- I know him! - They're monsters.They've been pelting me with Chobani flail spheres.Wait -- Ch-Chobani, like the yoghurt?The show took on corporate sponsors in season four. Seriously, Gary?I helped you build a deck!Okay, stop, stop it! What are we doing, huh?Is this how Norphs behave?Actually, we're quite war-like.Look, look, this man, he made a mistake,but if we banish him,we're no better than the people who shamed us all these years, who -- who picked us last for team sports,who left us off of group e-mails about bar association dances. We're all oddballs and misfits and weirdos,but the great thing about this place is we all belong, especially this good man,who gave me the courage to conquer my fearand become part of this community.Let's welcome him back.The red one, Gary!Where is that dinosaur?I certainly hope I don'taccidentally turn off the lights.As a gay man, I know every party planner in town.So I sent out a group text, and as luck would have it,my friend Ronaldo was wrapping up a kid's Peter Pan party. And I said, "Send me whatever you got."I think I hear some music!Where my lost boys at?!What the hell is this?!You said you were at a kid's Peter Pan party?No, no, no. I said, "Kit's Peter Pan party."It's his 11th time turning 50.Close your eyes! No! Don't look at that!Please, I'm so sorry!Enough! Enough!Everybody out! Even the kids!I can't fight this anymore. Go to the nice party!Just follow the fairy!She meant me. Everybody calm down.Thank you so much for today.I-I never would've gone through with itif you hadn't inspired me.I inspired you?Wait.In book the third, the high clericovercomes the curse of the Foolmakerby being pure of heartand goes on to be a great inspirer of people.Do you think --You seem glum.Perhaps you should be turning your passions elsewhere. You're right. I'm going back to vet school.It's about time I grew up.I'm sorry, Gloria.It's okay. I'm not mad.What happened to the party?Cam ruined it two ways.I just wanted a nice party for Joe.There's only so long that you can make things perfect for them. Suddenly, they move on.They wake up one morningand they want to drive cross-country all alone.Oh, right, Manny.I know you're scared, but your should feel proud.You took kind of a...You can say it -- a weird kid.A weird kid, and turned him into somebodyso comfortable with himselfthat he's willing to take on a pretty big adventure.Thank you, Cam.I wish I had that.I mean, I was a weird kidwhose family only made him feel weirder.I mean, it took until today to do an adventurethat I have wanted to do since I was Manny's age.I-I went to Hero-Con.Not in costume?Affirmative, Fizbo.Okay, if this is something you're into,why haven't you ever told me?I haven't told anyone.I mean, I tried with my mom once,but I chickened out and told her I was gay instead.And I-I wasn't even sure at that point.Why are there so many ways for a parent to break a kid?- Hug! - No, no, no!Aw, you know, it makes me worried for this little guy.I love my parents,but they weren't exactly the best when I was...when I was this.Go play.Mitchell, I'm, uh, proud of the risk you took todayfollowing your heart.You should do more of that.Cam, should Cal live with us?He should.Very well.Sorry we're late. Traffic, you know.I keep telling you to try Waze,but you're scared of technology, and you shouldn't be.We're merging Pritchett's with a high-tech closet company. Excellent.And, Gloria, you speak often of your passion for ventriloquism. It's been a long day, Phil.This one needs more time.Notes from the road.Alternate title, The United States of me.Fear -- Friend or Foe?Fear -- Friend or Foe?As children, we're taught to fear what can hurt us.But as adults, we're expected to conquer what we're afraid of. But as adults, we're expected to conquer what we're afraid of. So what are fears?Do they keep us alive?Or do they keep us from living?You're blocking the driveway. Hit the road already. Okay, I'm going.Jay.Hurry up.We want to go home.I can't get this damn thing to work.Oh no, it's one of those automatic sinks.You know what? You should do a hard reboot.Go back to the urinal and reapproach.What's going on in there?I can't even get a trickle out of this thing!I find not thinking about it helps.It's the sink.It makes no sensethat I'm waving my armslike I'm directing a plane into a gate!He's gonna break it,like he broke the remote control.This is... the paper towel thing is automatic too.Oh, dad.。

As great as it is bringing a baby home from the hospital,尽管把宝宝从医院带回家是件幸福的事there's one sound you absolutely dread waking up to... 有种声音绝对是你醒来时恐惧面对的Relatives. 亲戚们I really never saw these wedding pictures, mamá. 我还真没见过这些婚礼照片妈妈How handsome and young papa looks. 爸爸看起来多年轻潇洒啊Ay, it makes me sad. 看得我好伤感Ay, I know that you miss him. 我知道你想念他No. Look at my ass. 不是你看我的翘臀There are two things in that picture I don't have anymore. 照片里有两样东西现在我都失去了Ay, mama, que loca. 妈妈您太搞笑了Sonia, can I help you? 桑娅需要我帮忙吗No, no, she's fine. It keeps her busy. 没事没事让她忙去吧We need more corn. Gloria, where is your garden? 得再来点玉米歌洛莉亚菜园在哪I will harvest some. 我去摘点儿They don't live that way, honey. 宝贝儿城里人家里可没菜园Gloria, give me the keys. We'll go to the market. 歌洛莉亚给我车钥匙我们去趟超市Hey, you're all awake. I didn't hear you. 嘿你们都起床啦我都没听见你们的动静Oh, look at my two handsome men. 看看我们家两个帅哥Mi nio, my little Fulgencio Umberto. 我的宝贝我的小弗汉希欧·翁贝托You know, about the name, we're not entirely sure... 说到名字我们还没完全确定... Sonia, vámonos. Good-bye, Fulgencio. 桑娅走啦再见哟弗汉希欧Say good-bye to Fulgencio. 跟弗汉希欧再见Good-bye, Fulgencio. 再见弗汉希欧His name is Joe. 他的名字叫乔You tell her that we're not naming him 你去告诉她我们不会用她去世的老公after her dead husband or his father before him. 或他爹的名字给孩子取名- His name was-- - Please don't say it again. -他的名字是 -别说了Jay, I cannot go against my mother's will. 杰我不能违背我妈妈的愿望But she likes you. 但她喜欢你Maybe if you convince her... 如果你去劝她Fulgencio Umberto-- the initials are F.U. Pritchett, 弗汉希欧·翁贝托--缩写是F.U.普里契特Fulgencio Umberto-- the initials are F.U. Pritchett, [即FUCK You Pritchett"操你普里契特"] which is exactly the way it feels right now. 我现在就是这种操蛋的感觉Is there some kind of dress code for godparents? 教父教母有什么着装要求吗You're not wearing a fedora, Phil. 不许戴你那顶大傻帽子菲尔Can you pick up the dry cleaning? 你能去取下干洗的衣服吗That sounds like an offer I can't refuse. 听起来我好像不能拒绝啊Yeah, we're not doing that. 别我们不搞这一套So I got delayed picking up Lily from dance class. 我接莉莉下舞蹈课已经迟到了Now Gloria's got me running around 现在歌洛莉亚又叫我到处跑doing a thousand things for christening. 准备一堆洗礼的事Son of a bitch. 操他妈的It's not that bad, really. I'm just--I'm venting. 别激动我只是发发牢骚而已I couldn't believe it. Somebody's balloons 难以置信有人把气球were blocking my billboard. Philboard. 挡到我的广告牌了菲尔牌My Philboard. 我的菲尔牌Can we wear the same outfits at Crispin's party 我们能把穿去参加洗礼的衣服that we're wearing to the baptism? 穿到克里斯宾的派对上吗Oh, you know what? I don't know. 这个啊我也不知道Because you wanna be subdued at church 因为你想在教堂低调and then fabulous at night. 到了晚上却很华丽You know who would make a fortune? 你知道谁会狠赚一笔吗The designer who comes up with the little black dress for men. 给男人设计小黑裙的设计师I'm bored. 我好无聊I know, sweetie, but daddies are talking 我知道小甜心但是爸爸们在讨论about what we're gonna wear tonight, 我们晚上要穿什么and that's a difficult conversation. 那可是很难做决定的- Cry me a river. - Lily. -难死了也跟本小姐无关 -莉莉I-I'm not loving this attitude. 我不喜欢你这样哦You seem a little mean. 你这样显得有点刻薄You seem a little mean. [认为对方在为一些愚蠢的事而哀号抱怨]Sorry. Should I call you a wah-mbulance? 对不起需要我帮你们叫辆"救父车"吗Oh, my gosh. She has been so snarky lately. 我的天啊她最近好毒舌啊I know. I've actually been getting nervous 是啊现在只要一害她迟到when we're making her late for something. 我的神经就很紧张Because of what she said the other day? 因为她那天说的话吗- "Today, ladies." - Hurtful. -"抓紧时间小姐们" -真伤人You know, she hears us doing it, 你也知道她听到我们那样说话So we--we should try and be less negative. 所以我们我们不该造成那么多负面影响Model some better behavior. 做好榜样Yeah. Well, you know, if it's a model she needs, 是啊如果她需要的是一名模特Yeah. Well, you know, if it's a model she needs, [Model: 模范-模特]She's come to the right place. 那她就来对地方了- Oh, boy. - Hmm. -妈呀 -哼I wish Lily was in here, 要是莉莉在就好了so she could hear me not comment on that. 她就可以看到我对这事不予置评I get it. You're modeling. 知道啦你在扮模特走秀Hey, it's Phil Dunphy again. 嘿又是我菲尔·邓菲I-I got cut off by your machine. 你的电话断线了I'm, uh, not sure where I left off there, 不知道刚刚说到哪了but I'll attempt to be brief, 但我尽量长话短说As I do appreciate when people do the same for me. 因为别人这么做我也会很感激Anyhoo, uh, your balloons are co--damn it! 话说回来你的气球挡住--妈的Is anyone home? Mom! 有人在家吗妈I need her first. Mom! 我先找她的妈She's out. 她出去了Why is she always gone when we need an adult? 我们需要一个成年人的时候她怎么老不在- I can help. - What's with the cage? -我可以帮忙 -盒子里是什么- Science project. - Mom, where are you? -科研项目 -妈你在哪里- Out. It's just the three of us. - Four. -出去了就我们三个在 -四个- I need her. - Rats. -我需要她 -是老鼠I know, right? 我知道好吧Guys, I'm right here. What do you need? 同志们我就在这里你们需要什么No, it's okay. We're good. 没事我们没事- Okay, never mind. - No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. -没事 -不不不不不不Family meeting. Everybody grab some 'za. 家庭会议每人抓块披萨We're gonna talk about this. 一起讨论下这个问题Listen, I know you guys like to go to mom, 听着我知道你们喜欢找妈妈because she's Mr.Tough guy problem-solver. 因为她是问题解决小能手She gets results. 她办事有结果Yeah, she does. She does. You're right. 对她有她有你没错Like the last time we got pizza from our favorite place here. 比如上次我们买到了最喜欢吃的披萨Remember that? We got shortchanged, 还记得那次吗他们少找了我们零钱She cursed a blue streak and got our money back? 她连珠炮似的骂了一通把钱要回来了How's that pizza, by the way? 顺便问下披萨好吃吗- Pretty good. It's okay. - Liars! -挺好的不错 -撒谎It's garbage. 难吃死了That's not Scardino's, it's Scandoni's. 那不是斯卡迪诺家的披萨是斯卡多尼的You know why? 你们知道为什么吗'cause your mom's little blow-up 因为你们老妈的小脾气得罪他家了got us banned from Scardino's for life. 我们这辈子都吃不到斯卡迪诺家的披萨了So maybe your mom's way isn't always the best way. 所以也许老妈的办法并非总是最好的Now why don't you guys tell me what's going on? 现在你们跟我说说发生什么事了I'm having a '60s-themed birthday party next week.我本来打算下周办一场60年代主题生日派对Hippies, bell-bottoms, tie-dye. 嬉皮士喇叭裤扎染什么的Karen Sullivan heard about it, 凯伦·苏利文知道了and decided to have the same party... tonight. 决定办一场同样的派对就在今晚Not groovy. 情况不妙I accidentally called my teacher "Mommy". 我一不留神把我"老师"叫成了"老妈"My "Friend" Reuben went around and told everyone. 我"朋友"罗本到处宣传全校都知道了Oh, hey, Reuben, 我说罗本do you remember that class field trip to the zoo 你还记不记得那次全班到动物园郊游when the zebra rushed the fence and you peed your pants? 有只斑马从栅栏里冲出来你都尿裤子了I didn't tell anyone, not even on the bus ride home 我都没告诉任何人就算他在坐车回家的时候when he had to sit next to mom-- 不得不坐在老妈旁边...Ms. Bockman! Damn it! 不对是鲍克曼老师该死Our neighbor's out of town, 我们邻居出远门了and she's paying me to move her car on street cleaning days.所以她雇我在街道清扫日那天替她挪车Now I would just park it in her driveway, 我倒想只是把车停在车道上but she already has a camper and a cord of wood there. 可那里已经停了一台露营车还种了很多树Pretty sure she's a lesbian. 她肯定是女同性恋Anyway, easy money, right? 不管怎么说这钱容易挣对吧Oh, my god, I can't see anything! 我的神呐我什么也看不见Hard starboard! 右满舵What does that even mean?! 那是什么意思啊How much longer do I have to block people? 我还要在这里堵人堵多久啊I'm late for the airport. 我赶飞机要迟到了Dylan, you are being no help right now! 迪兰你现在一点忙都没帮上Sorry, but I'm already in trouble with dispatch 对不起但是我自己也遇到"分流"麻烦for drinking all those little waters. 我之前喝太多水了Drive! Do it now! 开车快开How do I tell her I snapped a branch 我要怎么告诉她她心爱的柠檬树on her beloved lemon tree? 树枝被我撞折了I mean, she boils the leaves 那些叶子她是要煮来to add a scent to her own work boot oil. 给她自制的靴子油添加香味的Did I mention she plays in two softball leagues? 我有没有提到她效力于两个垒球联盟Now what are you guys gonna do? 你们这些家伙要怎么办You gonna have your mom go around 你们是希望让你们老妈四处转转and yell at all these people and burn a bunch of bridges? 跟这些人大喊一通毁坏一批友谊的桥梁Or are you gonna talk to your Reubens, 还是去和你们的罗本们your Karens, your lemon... lady, 凯伦们还有你的柠檬...女士谈谈tell 'em how you feel, 和他们谈谈你们的感受appeal to their human side? 唤起他们人性的一面The choice is pretty simple, huh? 这选择显而易见对吧So she's out all day? 就是说她今天不会回来了- I'll try her cell. - It's off. -我再试试打她的手机吧 -关机了I texted her while dad was talking. 老爸说话的时候我给她发短信了Pilar, I brought you a coffee. 皮娜我给你带了杯咖啡Oh. I put a little something extra in it. 我往里面加了点儿料Jay, you devil. 杰你耍坏Hey, by the way, look... 顺便说一下你看it's beautiful, no? 漂亮不It's the dressing gown for Fulgencio's christening. 这是为弗汉希欧洗礼准备的袍子哦All the men in our family wear this. 我们家所有男丁都穿过它What's one more son in a dress? 不会又给我来个基佬儿子吧Oh, tradition. Oh, it's so important. 这是传统那可是很重要的I have a gift in here for little Fulgencio. 我为小弗汉希欧准备了一个礼物放在这里That has been in my family for three generations. 这东西在我们家族里传了三代人了You know, about this naming thing-- 关于给孩子起名的事情In America, it's not real common to hear the name Fuljencio. 在美国福建西欧这个名字可真不常见It's "Ful-hen-cio." 应该是"弗-汉-希欧"- Hen? - Hen. -汗 -汉I don't need to practice it 'cause I can't name my son that. 我不用练这个我不会给我儿子起这名字的I'm just being honest with you. 我只是和你实话实说No. No, no, no, no, that's good. 不没关系这样很好That's good. I should be more honest with you sometimes. 这样很好有时候我也该和你说说实话Well, we've known each other a few years. 是啊我们彼此相识也有些年头了I don't like you, Jay. 我不喜欢你杰nah. We can act like everything is fine for the family, 我们可以看在家庭的份上装作一切都好But, you know, I have never liked you. 但是你知道的我从来没喜欢过你The way you take whatever looks good to you-- 你那种见到好东西就要占的嘴脸you know, like my daughter or the last piece of meat. 比如我女儿或者最后一块肉You're always too busy to pick me up at the airport. 你总是很忙忙到不能去机场接我You send a total stranger with a cardboard sign. 只派来一个完全陌生的人举块纸牌子- Hi, grandma. - Hey. -嗨外婆 -你好Hey, buddy. Get over here. 伙计到这儿来I sure do love the cross you got me. 我是真的很喜欢你送我的十字架But do I have to wear it today? 可是我今天必须带着它吗It's kinda hard to close my shirt over it. 我的衬衫都因此扣不上了Oh, no, no, no, no, no. 不不用You do whatever you want, Padrecito. 你想怎么样都行I know that's the way in this house. 我知道这个家里就是这种行事风格But if you wear it, ooh, you'll make me proud. 不过你要是带上它会让我非常骄傲的It's been in my family for five generations. 那已经在我们家族里传了五代人了- Okay. I'll walk you out, buddy. -好吧 -我送你出去小弟Is anything in her family new? 她家里有没有什么东西是新的Just you. 就是你呗Okay. Excuse me. Sorry. 好的让一让不好意思All right. Here we've got the deli platter, 好了我们有熏腌大拼盘了and there's more in my car. 我车里还有更多But those are not from Rumpernook's. 但这些不是从兰伯努克家买的No, because the cheese at Rump... 没错因为我得罪他们家...I don't go there anymore. 因为我再也不去他家买了I'm going to do the laundry. 我去洗衣服了Okay, Sonia. I love you so much. 好的桑娅好爱你哦Wow. Pretty cozy with the new housekeeper, huh? 你对这新管家挺有爱的哈She's my sister. 她是我妹妹Wow. Pretty weird with your sister. 哇你这么使唤你妹妹啊She likes to keep busy. But I feel bad for her. 她喜欢忙前忙后但我挺同情她的I have so much, and she has nothing. 我拥有这么多她却一无所有Okay. Well, people make their own choices. 好吧人们选择自己的命运It's not like you're responsible. 你不需要为此负责No, no. 不不是的Maybe just a little bit. 好像还是有一点I was older and I had opportunities to travel, 我比较年长有机会出去旅行and I took them. 我就抓住一切机会Well, it didn't prevent her from going anywhere. 那也不会阻止她去任何地方啊No, no. 不不不Maybe just one time. 只是有一次There was a letter that arrived from America 有一封来自美国的信about a job opportunity. 提供了一个工作机会And it was only for one person, 但只有一人能去And I went. 于是我就去了But it's not like the envelope was addressed to her, 但那又不是写给她的信And you opened it and... 你偷偷打开然后you're evil. 你太坏了I had to get out of there, Claire. 我必须离开那里克莱尔You just strapped on those high heels 你蹬上了高跟鞋and walked right over her back, didn't you? 踩着她的背走过去不是吗Maybe a little bit. 好像是Where is the river? 哪儿有小溪给我洗衣服Hey, boys! 嘿二位帅哥Crispin. 克里斯宾Hey, shouldn't you be preparing 你不是应该在准备for your annual party of the century? 你们的世纪大年会吗It's done and it's perfect. 已经收工了非常完美In my mind, I'm already into next year's. 我都已经开始策划明年的了Listen, I'm here with Brett. 听着我和布雷特一起来的I don't know if you've seen his new look, 不知道你们有没有看过他的新造型But you are going to have a heart attack and die. 但你们肯定要被吓得心脏病发作而死的No one's dying. 没人会死的- It's just an expression. - Yeah. -只是一种表达方式 -没错Hey, handsome. 帅哥你好啊Yep, I did it. 没错我做到了Pulled the trigger and got a perm. 下定决心烫了个头You sure did. 你还真去做了Did it myself, right in the kitchen. 我自己在厨房里做的You don't need to spend a million 哥不需要花大价钱to look like a million. 就能弄出大价钱的效果Uh, you know, my coffee's probably ready, so... 我的咖啡应该快好了Bye. 再见Okay, that's like a chia pet, right? 他就跟个草头娃娃似的对吧Maybe a drag production of "Annie"? 或许是异装癖版的"安妮"[百老汇剧目]Oh, actually, Lily, 其实嘛莉莉I-I think Uncle Crispin's forgetting 我我想克里斯宾叔叔忘了that Brett has feelings, 布雷特也是会伤心的and we need to try and not hurt them. 所以我们应该努力不去伤害Yes, and maybe we should remind Uncle Crispin 对也许我们该提醒克里斯宾叔叔that when you say nice things to people, 只有当你对人们友好时they say nice things back. 他们才会对你友好Well... Consider me reminded. 好吧多谢提醒Gotta run. 得赶紧走了Yeah, we'll see you tonight. Bye. 好的今晚见再见Okay. Yeah, can't wait. Can't wait. 好的迫不及待迫不及待He's funny. 他真有趣Yes, he is, but he can also be biting. 是啊但有时候也很伤人[咬人]- He bites people? - Well, with his words, -他会咬人吗 -当然是用他的话语Not with his teeth like Xander from art class. 不是像美术班的山德那样用牙齿咬We need to confirm he got his shot. 我们得确认他有没有打疫苗Yeah. 好的Oh, my god. Okay, Crispin-- 我的天呐克里斯宾说"Too many rsvps. Have to make cuts to party. "太多人报名了不得不减少参加人数Maybe next time." Sad face. 下次再请你们吧" 伤心脸Because we refuse to abuse, 因为我们拒绝侮辱别人we get banned from the party of the century? 他就禁止我们参加世纪大派对Does somebody need a wah-mbulance? 二位父亲大人需要"救父车"吗No.I do not need a wah-mbulance. 不用我不需要什么"救父车"Hey, kids. How was your day? 孩子们好啊今天过得怎么样I knew the answer to that question. 我心里早有答案I'd had kind of a busy day 我今天挺忙的going around solving everyone's problems. 四处奔波解决各种问题I started by going to see my buddy Stavros the florist. 我先去了我邻居斯塔夫罗斯的花店Stavros, I assume? 你是斯塔夫罗斯对吧Yes? 有事吗I just wanted to welcome you to the neighborhood. 我是来欢迎你成为我们的邻居Oh, thank you. 谢谢Yeah, I brought you some sandwiches, by the way. 对了我还给你带了点三明治How good is lamb, huh? 羊羔肉相当不错哦- Nikos! - Oh! Gotcha. -尼克斯 -我接住你了Get back in there. 快回屋去I'm so sorry. 真不好意思Is there anything I can do for you? 有什么能为你效劳的吗Oh, no. No. I... 没有没有我That's when I realized my kids didn't understand 当时我突然意识到我的孩子们还不理解the concept of killing with kindness 以德"伏"人的意思because they'd never seen it. 因为他们从未亲眼见过So I decided I'd prove it to them 于是我决定证明给他们看by going on a huggacidal rampage. 看我怎么以德"伏"人Is that Reuben rockin' the Potter specs? 那不是戴着哈利·波特眼镜的罗本嘛Quiddiculous! 魁地大奇葩Hey, listen, buddy, 听我说哥们I heard about Luke calling his teacher "Mommy." 我听说了卢克叫他老师"妈咪"的事Epic fail, by the way. 的确是史上最囧啊But, you know, since you're one of the cool kids, 但是既然你是学校里受欢迎的孩子maybe you could get the other ones to ease off a little?也许你能劝劝其他孩子别取笑他了好吗Cool. Air bump. 好隔空对个拳Hey, Lee, it's Phil Dunphy from down the street. 你好李我是住在街尾的菲尔·邓菲We haven't met. I was actually calling 我们没见过面我打给你其实是to leave a message for your wife, 想给你老婆留个言just to say thanks for hiring my daughter Haley. 感谢她雇我女儿海莉做事Listen, we'd love to have you and the missus over for a glass of wine,我们想请你和你太太过来喝杯酒or--or, uh, maybe you and I could go out for a boys' night.或者我们两个爷们可以一起出去喝两杯But anyway, if you could-- 总之如果你可以...Damn it! 该死Hey, Karen Sullivan. Alex's dad. 你好凯伦·苏利文我是艾丽克斯的父亲Well, look whose teeth got so nice and straight. 看看谁把牙齿整得如此洁白又整齐啊Who wants to go first? 谁先说- Are you kidding? - Are you crazy? -你开什么玩笑 -你疯了吗What are you trying to-- 你到底想干什么One at a time! 一个一个说You called Ms. Cooper a man! 你称呼库珀小姐为一个男人No, I didn't. 不我没有啊- I got her husband Lee on the machine. - There is no husband! -答录机上是她老公李 -她没老公She's Lee! 她就是李Weirdly deep-voiced, alcoholic, gay Lee Cooper 声音异常低沉的同性恋酒鬼李·库珀who you invited out for a glass of wine! 而你却邀请她去喝酒Thanks to your little charm offensive with Karen, 感谢你迷人地冒犯了凯伦one thing did change about her party-- 她的派对内容的确改变了一点I'm not invited! 就是将我除名了"Quiddiculous"? "Epic fail"? "魁地大奇葩" "史上最囧"Now the whole school is just laughing at both of us. 现在整个学校在取笑我们父子俩了Stavros, hey! 斯塔夫罗斯你好Why not?! 为什么不行What? 干什么Change of plans. 计划有变This isn't over. 这事儿还没完I want you to wear something beautiful tonight. 我想让你今晚打扮得漂漂亮亮So please, choose. 尽管挑吧What is this room? 这屋子是干什么用的This is the closet. 这是衣帽间So all the people of the town, 那镇上所有的居民they leave their nice clothes with you? 都把漂亮衣服寄存在你这里吗No. These are all my clothes. 不这些都是我的衣服But... I do miss the simple things at home. 但是我其实很怀念家乡的简朴风俗So tell me, how-- how are things in the village? 跟我说说村子里都还好吗We had a flood. 家乡发洪水了Ay, but it--it wasn't a bad one, right? 但不是特别严重对吧We had a boat. 我们曾有条船Ay, that's great. 那就好We had a boat. 是"曾经"有条船Are you dating anyone? 你有对象了吗You remember Antonio Marquez? 你记得安东尼奥·马奎斯吗Yes, of course. 当然记得The most handsome boy in the school 学校里的校草with those beautiful eyes. 有一双迷人的眼睛His father with the wooden leg... 我在和他的瘸腿老爹谈恋爱He lost it in the flood. 洪水把他的木腿冲走了So is it serious? 你俩是认真的吗Don't look at that. 别看I won't. Trust me. 我不会看的相信我Please. It's pathetic. 他们太贱了Crispin's been getting all of our friends 克里斯宾让所有闺蜜给我们发短信to text us the details of his great party. 报告他那盛大派对的各种细节Such torture, huh? 折磨死人了是吧Oh, catering by Amelia's. 餐饮由阿米莉亚餐厅提供Topless valet parkers. 上身赤裸的泊车员- Sting. - Exactly. -斯汀[糟透了] -就是啊No, Sting is at the party. 不是我是说斯汀也在派对上Mitchell, I wanna be there. 米奇尔人家真的好想去- Cam. - No, come on. -小卡 -不拜托Who are we kidding? You do, too. 别自欺欺人了你也想去的Today, ladies! 抓紧时间啊小姐们Okay, right there. That. 听好了就是这句That is why we are making the sacrifice-- 正因为这个我们必须要做出牺牲For our daughter. 为了我们的闺女Oh, yeah, you're right. 是啊你说得对I mean, I'm the last one who should be complaining 我最没资格抱怨了when, let's face it, 毕竟面对现实吧Lily's snarkiness is my doing. 莉莉变成毒舌妇是我的过错Well, what's done is done. 木已成舟Let's just get ready for church. 快打扮整齐出发去教堂吧Yeah, I mean, it's just hard to not feel guilty, 是啊只是很难不感到惭愧you know, when it's mostly my fault. 毕竟大部分是由我造成的I get it. Just don't beat yourself up. 我理解别太自责了Hey. Pocket square? No pocket square? 要带手帕吗还是不带比较好呢Really? You're taking zero of the responsibility, or... 真的吗你觉得自己一点责任都没有吗Oh. Were you trying to get me to take the blame? 你想把这事怪到我身上来吗Maybe just a little. 也许有一点Oh, and deny you the chance to play the martyr? 然后剥夺你做烈士的机会吗Look, Cam, if you're looking for me to be the bad guy, 听着小卡你要是想让我来当罪人you're snarking up the wrong tree, okay? 你找错对象了懂吗You are the one who can't let a single situation pass 你才是那个遇事不吐槽without making a comment. 就不罢休的人Oh, well, maybe I'll just start today. 也许我可以从今开始改变I think it'll make you feel better. 我想那样会让你开心些的I think I already do. 我已经感到开心了Right to my face, "I don't like you." 她当着我的面就说 "我不喜欢你"Nobody doesn't like me. 没有人不喜欢我I'm Jay. I'm-- I'm salt of the earth. 我是杰人见人爱的杰Why are you inhaling my baby? 你为什么拼命闻我的孩子Oh, they only smell perfect like this for a little while. 他们只会好闻一段时间Yeah. That's the stuff. 就是这味From day one, I've treated this woman like a queen. 从第一天开始我就把她当女王来对待I've flown her back and forth, 我处处围着她转I've... I've tasted her native food. 我还尝了她的土特产You know what chin tastes like? 你知道下巴是什么味吗Mm. 'cause I do. 我可知道And now to find out... 现在我发现What? I'm listening. 怎么了我听着呢You're rubbing yourself with the baby. 你在用婴儿蹭自己I have seen you french kiss your dog. 我还看过你和你的狗湿吻呢She was taking a treat out of my mouth. 她在我嘴里找食物That's a trick. 那是个训狗技巧I am sure you know 我敢肯定你知道what I find funny about this situation. 我觉得这件事有趣在哪What? 在哪You have an in-law who, no matter what you do, 你有一个无论你多么努力No matter how hard you try, you can't win over. 也没法讨好的丈母娘What about it? 那怎么了Wait. That doesn't sound familiar? 等等听着不耳熟吗You're not saying... 你不是说Yeah, I am. 我是的Son of a bitch, I'm Phil. 擦我成菲尔了Hey, Pilar, it's awfully cold. 皮娜天太冷了Here. Why don't you take my jacket? 你穿我的外套吧Sure, yeah. Make me the rude one. 真行让我显得没礼貌是吧Look, I'm sorry that I pointed out 很抱歉我指出了that we're both to blame here, all right? 我们两个都应该受责备好吗But let's not turn this lovely event 但是我们不要把这么美好的事into a competition. Here you go, sweetie. 变成竞争好吗穿我的亲爱的Oh, you know what? You're right. I shouldn't be picking at you. 你说得对我不应该挑你毛病But don't forget to light your candle. 但是别忘了去点燃你的蜡烛I think everyone in the immediate family's doing it. 我看所有直系亲属都点了Oh, yeah? Okay. Good--good idea. 好的好主意What the hell is that? 那是什么玩意Some kind of gay protest thing? 同性恋抗议什么的吗It's a candle, dad. What are you talking about? 是蜡烛爸你说什么呢You' purple panty tail. 你的紫色裤衩尾巴Oh, no. Oh, come on. 不是吧We're in church, Mitchell, not some disco. 我们是在教堂里不是在夜店You did that on purpose! 你故意的Oh, this stained glass is beautiful. 教堂的彩色玻璃真美Now listen, before we dunk the kid, 在为孩子洗礼之前You mind if I make a few casual remarks? 我能简单说两句吗I think you already did. 我以为你已经说了呢Claire asked me a good question-- 克莱尔问了我一个很好的问题How did Phil win me over? 菲尔是怎么讨得我欢心的Well, he hasn't yet. 好吧他还没有But when he stops trying so hard, 但是当他不再刻意讨好的时候and he acts like a real person, he comes close. 像个正常人一样就离目标近一些了That's what I needed to do with Pilar. 我就应该这么对皮娜I'd like to tell you the story 我想告诉你们of how I came to meet my incredible wife, 我是怎么遇见我可爱的妻子的Because up until the birth of this child, 因为除了这个孩子的降临It's the best thing that ever happened to me. 那是我一生中最美的事Mm, that feels good huh? 这话听起来真"舒服"So it's morning. My car's getting waxed. 一天早上我的汽车送去打蜡了I hop in the diner. 我吃了个午饭I hear this adorable accent. 我听见了一个可爱的口音I turn. I see this pretty girl talking to her friend. 我转过身看见一个美女正和她朋友说话I send over a piece of pie. 我送过去一个派All class. 真经典Couple of minutes later, 几分钟过后who comes over to thank me but Gloria, 歌洛莉亚过来谢谢我the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. 她是我见过的最美丽的女人Amen. 阿门She sits down, we start talking, 她坐下我们开始聊天And we haven't stopped talking since. 从此我们就再也没停过But here's the crazy part-- 但是疯狂的是I didn't send the pie to Gloria. 我不是给歌洛莉亚送的派Her back was to me. 她背对着我I sent it to her friend, 我是送给她朋友的who went to the bathroom and missed it. 但是她去厕所了就错过了And that person is here today-- 那个人今天也在场Gloria's sister Sonia. 她就是歌洛莉亚的妹妹桑娅Isn't it funny how a simple twist of fate 真有趣生命中一个小小的改变can change the whole-- 就可以改变一个人的命运You stole my life! 你偷了我的生活Wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on, hold on. 等等等等I got Sonia! 我抓住桑娅了No more. I want my own life, my own bed, 别说了我要我的生活我的床my own e-mail account! 还有我的电子邮箱Yeah, leave your poor old mother alone. 是啊抛弃你的亲娘吧Don't worry, mama. You can come and live with us. 别担心妈妈你可以跟我们一起住Whoa. Pump the brakes here. 等等想清楚再说What? Do you have a problem with my mother? 怎么了你对我妈有意见吗No. Your mother has a problem with me. 不是是你妈对我有意见You think she's helpless. Ask her what's in that box. 你认为她很无助你问问她盒子里的是什么It's not the family gun? 不是我们家祖传的枪吗。

Is everybody ok?I'm fine. Thanks for waiting.What was that?Water either gas line, the training is the same.People, just stay low and move out.Honey, Luke's gone.Claire, spontaneous human combustion is very rare.I don't think he exploded, Phil.The rope ladder works. At least someone followed protocol. Oh! Oh, it's there!Smoke is coming out of Luke's stupid suitcase.Like his old man, Luke is a magician.I'm taking lessons from some guy my dad found online.He came personally recommended from the guy who runs The Warlock Conference up in Modesto.Ocupad, big guy.Find another foxhole.*This is how we learn to sing*Who can go up here with me?Cam took a job teaching music at the local middle school. Yeah, his first day is tomorrow.I'm excited for me,but I'm probably more excited for the studentsbecause a great teacher is a gift.Hasn't started yet.I have to tip my hat to my high school music teacher...A real force of naturewho was also the defensive coordinator for the football team and supervised calf birthing for the animal husbandry club. Doris Olson. Great lady.Lady.*This is how... we learn to sing*This is how... we learn to singAy, Jay, I'm going to miss you.It's one night.No, I don't want to be without you,not even one night in my whole life.What can I make you?How about a little room on my side of the bed?I mean, I shouldn't complain. My wife's a knockout. But...she's at that place in her pregnancywhere, she's, you know... ample.And the snoring.I swear in the last ultrasound, the baby was like this...So I should be home about noon tomorrow.Who drank all the coffee?Oh, I, uh, I had quite a bit of that.You know, I haven't, um, been sleeping too well.There's actually a funny story about what's causing that. Mom, I'm fully aware of the changes your body is going through, and that nasal stuffiness is very common during pregnancy,but we got a crisis in this house.You've been snoring. But I got you these nasal strips.In the commercial,the old man's angry red sound waves turn a gentle blue.- So I'm like an old man? - No!Like a dog then? A pig?What is it, Manny? I'm an old man, a dog, or a pig?Jay, help me out here. You've heard it.I don't know what the boy's talking about.If this is a glimpse of teenage Manny, I don't love it.Have a little respect for your beautiful mother.Thank you, Jay.You're right. Sorry, mom.And, Jay,Have a great trip to San Francisco.Okay, Lily's drop-off time is between 8:45 and 8:50,so you should be fine to get work by 9.Here is her checklist for her backpack.Oh, I have this whole thing planned.Okay, I'm gonna walk in, take off my jacket,and say, "Here comes treble."Big swing on the first day.Please don't tamp down my enthusiasm.Okay, what else?Oh! The dimmer came in for the switch,so I want you to call the electrician, but not Brad.Remember? We had a problem with him last time about the billing.He wanted his name above the title?He wanted his name above the title?Yes, you've done that joke before. So cute. So funny. What else? Oh!Lily needs to get a present for Gio's birthday party.And don't be thrown by the invitation.It is a pirates party, not a pilates party.Now sit. I wanna talk juice boxes.Cam. Cam, I know what's happening here.You're feeling very anxious about your first day at work, And you're focusing that anxiety on my day with Lily. Really? Are you sure I'm notcompletely confident about my first daybecause it's gonna be a home run.And I am worried about you because you're taking ona little bit more of the Lily load?Don't be scared, sweetie. Mwah!She's not scared! What are you doing?- Just call me if you need me. - I won't!And thank you for managing my expectations today. Not necessary.I saw you practicing a bow last night.That was just in fun.You know, I highly doubt some teenagers are gonna throw rose petals at my feet.But I wouldn't be surprisedif I got slow-clapped out of my first class.Wrong.I am thinking.If you were thinking,you wouldn't have Seattle as the capital of Washington.It's Spokane.Sure, which makes the 11th president of the United States Sure, which makes the 11th president of the United States "James k. Pslk."Okay, Alex, stop.I'm trying to figure this out.Buzz. Time's up, dummy. It's Olympia.Make sure you sound out the big scary words.Mom, something's on my mind, and it's really bothering me. Yeah, it's really bothering me, too,But I think it's gonna be rich,so we better be nice to it.I wanna quit magic.What?I'm not really interested anymore,but I don't think dad's gonna be happy.Oh, sweetheart. Don't worry about disappointing your father. He only wants you to do it if you wanna do it.Tell you what. I will talk to dad--Whoa! Talk to dad? That sounds serious.Don't do drugs.Stay in school.Luke wants to quit magic.That's not happening.Well, see you guys at dinner.Sweetheart, don't you even want to talk about this?What's to talk about? The kid's a natural.He has everything--the hands, the patter, the outfits.Okay, let's play this out.Even if he is one in a million,what's our best case scenario here?He becomes, what...A professional magician!Honey, the boy has a gift.You wanna just throw that away?I don't think it's about throwing it away.I think it's about you pushing him--Don't I get a say in any of this?I'm sorry I don't like magic as much as you,but I don't.This isn't about magic.No, it's about my life and you controlling it.Look, you made a commitment. You will honor that commitment. Ugh! I hate it here!Luke!All right, young ladies and gentlemen,if I can have your attention, please.Let's settle downand let's say a temporary good-bye to your neighbor and to life as you know it, because here comes treble. That's right, my friends, we got treble,Right here at Franklin middle.I'm Cameron T., and that rhymes with "G,"And that stands for "Good morning"!Huh? Yes! Love the enthusiasm.Go ahead. First question.When's Mr. Namagachi coming back?Okay, Mr. Namagachi isn't coming back,But there is somebody that I'd like to introduce you to. Don't know that you proy met.She's a good friend of mine,and she goes by the name of "Music."And sometimes my friend music can be shy. Sometimes she can be angry!Sometimes she can be playful.And sometimes she can be downright a-funky!Train wreck.There's no way he ran this past Mitchell.Daddy always parks in the back of the school.I know, sweetie, but, uh,those spots were all taken.Because we're late?No, we're, like, a minute late, and that's 'cause of traffic.And because I tipped over.You didn't snap my car seat right.Okay, well, it certainly didn't hurt your memory any.All right, here's your lunch.You spilled it!Oh! Why is the top open?Daddy always zips it for me.Maybe you should zip it.I heard that.So with just a few more minutes left--- Mr. Namagachi-- - used to work here,but he got fired, okay?So now let's form an orchestramade up of my favorite instruments--your beautiful bodies.Gettin' creepy.Okay, so you guys are gonna be my, uh, table slappers.You're my bass line.Okay, and you're gonna be mouth trumpeters in the back with the melody. Okay, now let's bring it all together.One, two, three.The bass line is a little-- a little softer.Okay, louder with the mouth trumpets.Okay. Great. Well, thank you so much.And, um, I thought it was a great first day.And I love the give-and-take, everyone.And, um...And, um...Hey, dad. How's Frisco?My meetings ended early.I didn't even have to spend the night.And don't say "Frisco."They hate it when you call it "Frisco."How do you know what they hate?You've been there two times in your life.Anyway, I haven't slept in a week.Gloria's snoring like a water buffalo.Aw. Well, she's pregnant. It's uncomfortable. What, she put on 15? 20? 25? 30?We're not doing this again. How do I bring it up? Well, for starters, you don't.You suck it up.Dad, your hot wifewho was learning to walk when you were 30 years old, is pregnant with a baby you conceiveddoing something most men would kill to do.- I'm just so tired. - It's a small sacrificecompared to what she's going through. Poor thing, what with the extra... 30? 35? 40? 45?We're done.All right, here we go. How's this?That's not the kind we get.Okay.Hello? Hey, Cam.Just checking in on me again?Yeah. Just wanted to see if you got Lily.Yeah, we're--we're just-- we're at the grocery store, having a great time.Oh. Yeah. Any questions about the...about the grocery list?No, we're just picking up the granola.So how was it? How was the big debut?Was it a comfortable ride around the schoolyardon the shoulders of the children?Well, I stood and delivered.Thank you for sarcastically asking.Yeah.Okay, did you call the electrician about the dimmer? Yes. Yeah.Yeah, I'm on the other line with him right now.Oh, well, I should probably let you go.Keep your eye on Lily. She has a tendency to wander off. Cam... Uh, wh-wh--I'm-- I'm totally capable of...- You lost her, didn't you? - No. No, no, no, no.No, she is right next to me. Hi, honey.I can hear it in your voice. Look in the dairy case. Cam, do you honestly think that I would lose...the doors don't pull. They slide.You never saw me.Thank you very much.Look, um, I thought about it,and if you really want to, you can quit magic.You just have to do one thing first--execute the Butler's escape.It goes without saying that the Butler's escapeis one of the most challenging feats of escapologyan illusionist can perform.It's--it's based, of course, on the well-known storyof the Earl of Flanning's manservant Percy,who was imprisoned in the Tower of London,and as we all know, refused to take off his uniform when he was shackled.Famously, as the, uh, tower guard Gert slept,Percy freed himself and leapt over the sleeping guard, giving rise to the popular expression..."Percy jumped the Gert."Why are you making me do this stupid trick?I think you're quitting...because magic's getting hard,and that's not a good reason for quitting anything. But...if you can do this,then I'll know that you genuinely don't like it,and you'll have my blessing to pursue other interests.No strings attached.Sorry, buddy.I'm so sorry.You're kidding, right?You cannot really be enjoying that stupid show.I was changing channels.God. Why are you so mean lately?Is something wrong with you?Is it that obvious?Oh, my gosh. Come on. You can talk to me.There's this girl at school, and...She got pregnant.No.I know. I've been trying to help her,But with all the pills she's taking, she kinda lashes out.Oh, honey, this is too much for you to take on alone.- Where are the parents? - They're no help.Dad's all consumed with his plastic surgery business,and her mom's an ex-model who's trying to launch a music career. You're describing the show I was just watching, right?I'm just saying, mix in a book every now and then.Mean! Mean!Try to see this from my perspective.I can't.I'm not raising a quitter.Trust me. I know what's best for you.And watch your time. In the stage version,the rope's on fire, and you're suspended over a bed of nails.I hate this! Why are you making me do this?Use that anger, Lukini.Let it be the key that opens the vault of fear...that holds the chalice of hopethat contains the elixir of success.In a few short minutes...Son of Alkazeel! You've done it!I quit.So how was your first day? Tell me everything.Well, you know, it was a lovefest.And the kids-- they were, you know, and...Is that a roast?W--yes. Yes. But I'm surprised you could smell it over the no-dairy yellow pepper bisque with cheesy croutons. Oh, wow. You had time to do a roast and soup.- Hi, daddy! - Hi, angel!How are you? Did you miss daddy?Wow. Bathed and braided.Yeah. Let me just put you in a more flattering light here. The dimmer.Who'd you call?I called myself 'cause I did it.Yeah, I had time after picking up Gio's present,so, uh... Go show daddy what it is.- Okay. - Yeah.It sounds like you had a pretty successful day yourself. Well, it's just a matter of being organized.But who am I telling, huh?You do this sort of stuff every day.Oh, blow on that.So tell me more about the kids.Well, it was as I predicted, you know.They just needed somebody to come in thereand bring music back to life.And, you know, that person was...that person was...It's not me!What's happening?It was a disaster, Mitchell.They hated me!Not just the kids, the teachers.They wouldn't sit with me at lunch.I had to sit alone.Oh, honey.And my sweater--the shop teacher spilled juice on it. He said it was an accident, but it wasn't an accident. - It's okay - It's not okay!I failed miserably.And look at you. You did everything so perfectly.Well, yes.And--and--and no.Look, look, I... I gotta tell ya.Uh... I've just been watchinghow you've done things all these years,and I just perfected it.- Oh, please, Mitchell! - Claire...Cam, he was every bit the failure you are.He was late picking up Lily. She was in with the custodians. The only thing he had less to do with than dinnerwas the dimmer.And her hair was in braids because there was gum in it. And... why are we hugging?Because I know if he called you for helpand heard as many insults as I know he had to hear,then he had a worse day than me.Oh, she was horrible, Cam.- You know what? It's gonna get better. - No, I know.We just need some time to settle into these new roles.You were right to lower my expectations.I just wish I had lowered mine.This gonna work its way around to a "Thank you," Ladies? Hey, honey.Surprise! I'm in San Francisco!What?I dropped Manny at a friend's and, I know it's crazy,but I hopped on a plane and I'm here!I'm driving to the hotel.That is so great.The thing is, honey, I'm not here right now.See, I'm, uh, I'm out at dinner.Probably won't be back for, um...Oh, I don't know. A couple of hours.It's okay. I'll wait for you there.Don't be silly. How often do you get to san francisco? There's so much to see there.I mean, here.Ghirardelli square? Fisherman's wharf?Alcatraz? Hey, take that segway tour.That's a great way to see the city.And when you get the chowder,Make sure it one of those bread bowls.You can eat the bowl.Yeah, it's a story you'll tell for a lifetime.You know what? Later on...You know what? Later on...Maybe we can watch some of your Lance Burton DVDs. Thanks. I think I just wanna try this escape.Would you mind tightening my arms?Oh. Sure. Here.It's just hard, you know?It's the first time he hasn't shared one of my interests.It's scary to think that this is the start of us growing apart. Oh, honey, it's probably just a phase.Alex is going through something right now.I wish I could figure that out.- I can't breathe. - Anxiety.No, no, I'm--I'm fighting the jacket.The key to this escape is balance.The whole thing is based on the idea of opposing forces. Holding each other in check.That actually makes some sense.Some sense?There are two things I know with dead certainty--How to shoulder roll out of a human pyramid,and the black arts of the Butler's escape.No, honey, our house is out of balance,because Alex is missing her opposing force.Mm? Yeah.Oh. Y-you're missing out.Some people describe this escape as visual poetry. Honey?oh, no.Gloria.You told me that you were in Frisco,and you were here in a hotel?Let me just say one thing.Don't say "Frisco." They hate that.And how the hell did you find me?The house has been a little noisy lately.And the school library is a pickup scene.So where does a kid go for some peace and quiet?Tell me right now if you're having an affair,and we will find some time later for me to kill you.No. I'm just trying to have one night away from your snoring. You came to a hotel to sleep?I'm exhausted, and I didn't want to hurt your feelings,but you're huge and you're loud.but you're huge and you're loud.It's like sleeping with Rush Limbaugh.And I didn't want to bring it up because I figuredyou'd get mad at me the way you got mad at Manny.I am not mad at you because you told me that I snore.I am mad at you because you didn't say anything.'cause I didn't want to get yelled at.Well, too bad.When you're married to me,you're going to get yelled at many times.And you're tough enough to take it.That's what I love about our marriage.We can say whatever we want,but the next day, we're still there.That's what I like about it, too.What am I gonna say you couldn't forgive me?There are things, Jay.You ready to go?I was thinking, it's such a shamethat this hotel room is going to go to waste.I like where this is headed.Make Manny some pasta. I'll see you tomorrow morning, okay? Hey, dad.Hey, buddy.Look, I-I'm sorry if I--No no no, don't apologize.There's still plenty of stuff we can do together.So if you want out,you are... Out!Uh, I know we bought a lot of magic stuff,but we can return some of it--Merlin's hat, the gloves, most of the capes.What about houdini's wands?They kinda got broken.All three? What happened?I got you carbon fiber.Some kids were messing around with them at school.What do you mean? What--what were they doing?I don't really want to talk about it.You know, I went through that,kids--kids messing with my stuff.- Really? - Oh, yeah. In high school,When I first got nominated for junior tumbling congress, my parents had to sign a... release!Anyway, my buddy dizzy Brindizzisaw it, grabbed it, and made a lot of fun of me.I thought about not going.But you did.Oh, yeah. Had a blast.Made a lot of friends,shared milkshakes with more than one female tumbler. The minute I stopped caring what other people thought and started doing what I wanted to do, is the minuteI finally felt... Free!Buddy...You're gonna make your own choices,and whatever you decide, I'll always support you.You're not just saying all this 'cause you're stuck, right? Nothing you decide will ever disappoint me. Thanks, dad.Relax your arms,roll your shoulders forward,bend down your head,exhale...And then arch.Uh... It sorta worked.Well, honey, I just wanted to check in and say hi. Alex, come say hi to your sister!I love you so much.What's up, lady?Oh, my god. You did not just say, "What's up, lady?" What's wrong with you?I was just saying hello--Oh, it's like the lamest thing you've ever said.And what is that shirt?What are you, a flapper?I just bought it at that store that you--Oh, where? Forever 1921?And what is going on with your hair?What's wrong with my hair?Oh, you should just dip yourself in boy repellent. Shut up! Mom!And balance...is restored.。