摩登家庭 -第2季第20集-字幕-对白-纯英文-看美剧学英语-打印-word版

Oh, New Yorker, you've done it again. 《纽约客》你又来了Jay, check out this cartoon. 杰快来看这个漫画Does it have a talking dog? 有会说话的狗吗- No, it's a commentary on... - I'm out. -没是在评价... -我不看了Here you go, 给你one of my best efforts. 我最用心做的一个Have at it. 吃吧Mm, I can't eat that. 我不能吃- Why not? - The pickle's touching it. -为什么不能吃 -碰到酸黄瓜了There. 好了The juice got on the bread and, ew, what's that stuff? 面包还是沾到汁了好恶那是什么Spices. 香料They look like sea monkeys. 跟海猴子似的Have you ever really examine a jar of pickles, Jay? 你真的认真观察过酸黄瓜吗杰It's like a swamp there. I'll pass. 黏糊糊的一团我不吃了What happened? 出什么事了I made him a beautiful sandwich and he won't eat it. 我给他做了个美味的三明治他却不吃Yeah, 'cause it had pickles on it. 对啊因为上面有腌黄瓜Joe is taking a nap. 乔在睡午觉I'm gonna go to the dry cleaners. 我要去干洗店Well, if you're passing a sushi restaurant -- 如果你路过寿司店She's not. 她不会路过的I've never heard of anyone not liking pickles. 我从没听过谁不爱酸黄瓜的Aw, big day for you, then. 那今天就是历史性的一天啦I'm just gonna make myself a grilled cheese. 我自己做个烤奶酪三明治好了I think I saw some Gruye in there. 我应该是看到有格鲁耶尔奶酪了Do we have any fig? 我们有无花果吗Sit down. 坐下This whole persnickety thing is not gonna fly in the world. 你这种挑剔的毛病出去可不行Never hand people another reason to make fun of you. 别再给别人取笑你的理由了You mean like all the cool kids 你是指那些穿着皮夹克with their leather jackets and their pickles? 爱吃酸黄瓜的酷小孩吗Well, you're gonna sit there 你至少尝一口酸黄瓜until you at least try a pickle. 否则坐在这儿不许走You're drunk with power. 你被权力冲昏头脑了You got that right. 你说对了- Oh, no. - What? -不是吧 -怎么了The Tonys are coming. 托尼要来了Cam, this is exactly why I don't want you watching them -- 小卡所以我才不希望你看那些You're already so angry. 你已经这么生气了Not that Tonys -- 不是托尼奖Anthony Lamarque, botox Tony. 是安东尼·拉马克肉毒杆菌托尼They're coming to the wedding. 他们要来参加婚礼But, seriously, another revival of "Anything Goes"? 但说真的又要上演《万事成空》吗Are we really doing this again? 我们真的又要这样吗I'm surprised that they're coming, 他们要来我很惊讶because when I mentioned the wedding to Tony, 因为我跟托尼提到婚礼时he seemed completely disinterested -- 他表现出毫不在意的样子Oh, the botox. 是因为打了肉毒杆菌啊Oh, no. 不Your cousin Pete, all of his kids. 还有你的表兄皮特他的孩子们都要来Everyone's accepting, Mitchell! 大家都接受了邀请米奇尔We haven't even gotten the list from my dad yet. 我爸的嘉宾名单还没给我呢And your dad's friends drink like soldiers. 你爸的朋友们喝起酒来像当兵的Because they were soldiers. 因为他们确实当过兵I mean, I am grateful for their service, 我很感激他们为国奉献but we are not gonna be able to afford this wedding. 但这样一来婚礼费用我们可承担不起了Okay, maybe we need to pull back on a few things. 看来我们得取消一些东西Like what? 比如什么Uh, the centerpieces? 餐桌中心摆设Why even have a wedding? 那你何必办婚礼呢I don't know, Cam. 我不知道小卡Because we love and respect each other 因为我们彼此相爱彼此尊重and we're raising a child together? 还共同抚养一个孩子吗Do you want to help or not? 你还要不要帮我了Maybe we could send un-vitations. 也许我们可以发一些"不邀请信"Is that a thing? 有这东西吗We've already made a lot of people angry 因为我们现在可以结婚by just being able to get married. 已经惹怒很多人了Let's not alienate the ones on our side. 就别把支持我们的人也疏远了All right. Maybe we could sell something. 好吧也许我们可以卖掉些东西We're thousands over budget. 已经超预算几千美元了It would have to be something great. 得卖个大件的才行Here, you can sell my diamond ring. 给你你可以把我的钻戒卖了Oh, honey, that's candy. 亲爱的那是糖果啦I'm gonna kill that Jackson! 我要杀了那个杰克逊I do have something of value -- 我确实有些贵玩意儿A "Spider-man versus doctor octopus" comic book. 一本《蜘蛛侠大战章鱼博士》漫画书Issue number 3, 1963, near-mint condition. 第三本 1963年出版几乎全新It's worth 5 grand. 值五千美元I traded a football for it when I was 9 years old, 我9岁那年用一个橄榄球换的and my dad was mad 我爸气疯了because the football was signed by Dan Marino. 因为那上面有丹·马里诺的签名I said, "Get it signed by Rita Moreno, and I'll keep it." 我说找丽塔·莫雷诺签名我就留着Oh, no. 不是吧My nephews are flying in from Tulsa 我侄子们要从塔尔萨飞过来-- the big ones. 胖胖的那几个The pie eaters? 特别能吃派的那些吗That's it. I got to sell my Wyatt Earp. 没错我得卖掉我的怀亚特·厄普了This here is a belt buckle once worn by the great Wyatt Earp.这是怀亚特·厄普曾用过的皮带扣My grandpa gave it to me when I was 7 years old, 我爷爷在我7岁那年给我的and he said,"Son, this will keep the bad guys away." 他说孩子这会保护你远离坏人In my early 20s, I wore it to 我20出头时曾戴着它去参加a Cowboys-and-Indians disco party. 牛仔和印第安人主题迪斯科派对And let's just say it didn't. 但是没有起作用哦No. I can't let you do that. 不行我不会让你这样做的That means the world to you. 它对你意味着一切Cam, I will sell my "Spider-man." 小卡我会卖了我的《蜘蛛侠》Mitchell, my belt buckle was owned 米奇尔我的皮带扣曾是by a legend of the old west. 老西部传奇人物的东西I don't think your comic book 我觉得你的漫画书卖的钱would even cover our balloon budget. 可能连买气球的钱都不够Well, that's very offens-- 这话就太刺...Wait. What's the balloon budget? 等等买气球要花多少钱Hey, mom, can we put this stuff somewhere else? 妈能把这东西放到别的地方去吗It's cluttering up my room. 它让我的房间显得好乱What is it? 这是什么Oh, just some mementos of mine. 我的一些纪念品A few of your dad's. 还有你爸爸的- Oh, Zima! - Yeah. -齐马 -是啊What's Zima? 齐马是什么Just a party in a bottle. 瓶子里的派对Man, that reminds me of some wild times. 那让我想起了狂野的时刻Cranking the Bjork in my Saturn 在我的土星车里放着比约克的歌before me and my buddies snuck some "Z" 然后一起在影院看《西雅图夜未眠》时into "Sleepless in Seattle." 呼呼大睡I wish you'd covered my ears for that. 真希望你也捂住了我的耳朵Ooh, mom. Who's this hottie with his arm around you? 妈妈抱着你的这个帅哥是谁啊Cute! 帅爆了Oh, that's Bobby Nash, my old boyfriend. 那是鲍比·纳什我的前男友Why'd you break up with him? For dad? 你为什么和他分手为了爸爸吗Let's just say he took his eye 这样说吧他没盯住球off the ball and struck out. 结果被三振出局了So I stepped up to the plate 于是我站到了垒板上and nailed her in the cheap seats. 在票价低廉的座位上搞定了她Yeah, let's not say that. 别那样说Well, I'm off. 我要走了Oh, honey, I've got to stop by the drug store. 亲爱的我得去药店Do you need anything? 你需要什么吗No, thank you, my dear. 不用亲爱的The Dunphy glands produce all the drugs I need. 邓菲腺体能分泌我需要的所有药物Except for, uh, foot spray. 除了足部喷雾Could you grab me some of that? 你能买一些来吗Sure. 当然可以Oh, wow, mom! 妈妈What a dork, right? 真是呆对吧What were you thinking? 你当时想些什么呢It was comfortable. My dad didn't approve. 但是很舒适我爸爸不同意Enough said. 无须多言I know it's hard to believe, 我知道这难以置信but I was actually a bit of a nerd back in the day. 但我过去其实有点呆And it was suggested that I was out of my league 我追克莱尔时别人说我是癞蛤蟆when I landed Claire. 想吃天鹅肉By Jay, mostly. 大部分是杰说的And my friends. A-and my parents. 还有我的朋友们还有我父母And Claire. 还有克莱尔What's this? 这是什么Oh, my gosh. 天啊That is your father's answering machine from college. 那是你爸爸大学里的答录机God, I sometimes forget how old you guys are. 天啊我有时忘了你们有多老You've reached Phil's world! 你来到了菲尔的世界Party time! Excellent! 该狂欢了太棒了He's so cute. 他真可爱Hi, Phil. This is Mitchell, 菲尔我是米奇尔uh, Pritchett, Claire's brother. 普里契特克莱尔的弟弟I just wanted to thank you for setting me up with your cousin.我就是想感谢你安排我和你表妹见面She was very nice. 她人真好The only problem is she lives kinda far, so... 唯一的问题是她住得有点远所以That's the only problem? 那是唯一的问题吗Hey, Dunph-dog, it's Ling. 邓菲狗我是林Grab your rollerblades 带上你的旱冰鞋and meet us at the bike path, playa! 在自行车道和我们见面吧嗨起来But I got to be done by 3:00, 但我三点就得走了'cause today's the day I fly my new helicopter. 因为今天我要试飞新直升飞机Phil, hey, it's Claire. Um... 菲尔我是克莱尔I need to tell you something, 我得告诉你一件事and I don't want to do it on your machine. 我不想在电话里说It's really important -- 这事很重要- Oh, no, no, no. - You know, life-and-death important. -不不不 -生死攸关Come on. Come on. 给我给我Not death, um, just life. 跟死无关只是生[生命]I mean... 我是说...I just -- oh, hell, I'm pregnant! 我只是... 该死我怀孕了Oh, sweet newlyweds! 甜蜜的新婚夫妇啊Don't worry. You don't have to marry me or anything. 别担心你没必要娶我什么的Let's talk as soon as you can. 我们尽快聊聊吧Why weren't we more careful? 我们为什么不多加小心呢Stupid Duran Duran concert. 愚蠢的杜兰杜兰音乐会All right! 好了That's enough. 够了I was conceived at a Duran Duran concert? 我是在杜兰杜兰音乐会上被怀上的吗Classy start to a classy life. 优雅人生的优雅开始啊You were not conceived at the concert. 你不是我在音乐会上怀上的It was after the concert. 而是在音乐会后Oh, wha-- in the car?! 什么在车里吗It was a very nice car. 那是一辆好车Listen, I am done. Stop snooping. I'm going. 我受够了别再问了我要走了The seats folded all the way back. 车座靠背可以完全放平Oh, images. 恶心的画面I can't believe they kept it. 他们居然把"它"留下了I have a name. 我是有名字的The answering machine. 我是指答录机You know, we could have some fun with this. 我们可以拿它找点乐子I'm home! 我回来了Hi, mom. 妈妈Manny, what are you doing sitting in front of a pickle? 曼尼你为什么坐在一根酸黄瓜面前Jay says I can't leave until I taste it. 杰说我得尝尝它的味道否则就不许走Why do you torture him like this? 你为什么这样折磨他'Cause he's too stuck in his ways, Gloria. 因为他太固执己见了歌洛莉亚This is good for him. 这对他有好处He'll taste the pickle, he'll find that he likes it, 他会尝尝泡菜发现自己喜欢吃he'll try more things. 然后尝试更多的东西This is good parenting. 这是教子有方This is not going to play well in my memoir. 在我的自传里不会把这写成什么好事You know, you're one to talk. 你真会耍嘴皮子How many times have I asked you 你跟你说过多少遍to try my mother's blood sausages? 让你尝尝我妈做的猪血肠Totally different. That's disgusting. 不是一回事那香肠恶心死了How do you know it's disgusting if you've never tried it? 你从来没吃过怎么知道很恶心You've never tried grandma's delicious blood sausage 你从没尝过奶奶做的美味的猪血肠吗that's right there in the freezer? 冰箱里就有啊Oh, you're right. 你说得对We do have some left over. 我们确实还有些剩下的Really? It hasn't been all gobbled up yet? 是吗还没有被哄抢着吃光吗Okay, Mr. Father of the year, 好了 "年度最佳父亲"time for you to show Manny that you're not a hypocrite.该向曼尼展示你不是个光说不做的人了Looks like you're in quite a conundrum. 看来你陷入两难了You know, you could've said -- 其实你可以说"A pickle"! Dang it! It was right there. "酸黄瓜" 该死就摆在眼前"A pickle"! Dang it! It was right there. [in the pickle同指陷入两难]Hello. 你好Hi. Can I help you? 你好需要帮忙吗Uh, yes. 是的Um, I have something pretty special 我有一个很特殊的东西that means the world to me, 对我来说意义重大yet I gladly part with it 但我愿意卖掉它to prove my love for my fiance 为了证明我对我未婚夫的爱- Cam, you don't have to... - I do. -小卡你不用 -我要这样做This is a belt buckle that was once owned 这个皮带扣以前的主人是by the legendary Wyatt Earp. 传奇的怀亚特·厄普[西部警长]And when my grandfather gave it to me, and rest his soul, 当我祖父把这个给我时愿他安息he said”son, this year is a 他说孩子今年...Are you ok? 你还好吗I can't be here for this. You do it. 我做不到你来吧And get a price on that divine lamp. 顺便再问问那盏灯卖多少钱Um, anyway... 不管怎么样Look, I didn't want to say anything 我不想当面打击in front of your fiance 你的未婚夫but this is a cheap replica 但这只是个60年代时given away by a gas-station chain in the '60s. 加油站连锁店卖的廉价复制品There's tons of them out there. 市面上有一大堆It's worth about 20 bucks. 也就值20块Are you sure? 你确定吗Pretty sure. 非常确定That family loves to dress up a story. 他家的确喜欢夸张[打扮]故事And a pig. 还有打扮小猪Well, how about a first-edition number 3 那基本全新的初版"Spider-man versus doctor octopus" in near-mint condition?《蜘蛛侠大战章鱼博士》第三本能卖多钱呢Keep talking. 继续说That... 其实Uh, uh, that's pretty much it. 其实这就是全部了Why isn't she calling? 她怎么还没打来Aren't you the doubter? 你总是对事情抱着怀疑态度She'll call in three... 她会打来倒数三two-o-o-o... 二One! One's next! 一该数一了Yeah. 我知道Press record. 开始录音Hi, mom. 喂妈妈Haley, honey, 海莉宝贝did you mean to send this text to your dad? 你是想发这条短信给你爸爸吧Text? What does it say? 短信什么短信"I hate to spoil your golf game, but..." "抱歉打扰你打高尔夫但是..."Uh, no, no. I-I didn't send that. 不是我没发那条短信Must have accidentally dictated 肯定是你和爸爸说话时when you and dad were talking. 手机不小心听写了Okay. That's weird. 好吧奇怪了Well, while I have you on the phone, 正好我打给你了would you mind emptying the dishwasher and doing -- 你能把刷碗机里的餐具拿出来Oh, you're breaking up. 你那边的信号弱了Haley, can you hear me now? 海莉能听见我说话吗Nope. Bye. 听不见了再见- Got it. - Told you we'd get it. -大功告成 -跟你说了没问题吧Now just for a little creative editing... 只需创造性地剪辑一下Your mind is so brilliant. 你那么聪明If you put this much effort into your schoolwork, 如果你把这份聪明用到学习上的话there is no telling the things you could -- 你一定能成就...Why do you have to ruin everything? 你为什么总是那么扫兴I know, she's always talking about my potential. 是啊她总是在说我的"潜力"Fore! 当心Do you think I hit her? 你觉得我打到她了吗Nah, she's fine. 没有她没事Sorry I'm so distracted today. 对不起我今天太分心了What's wrong, buddy? 怎么了哥们Let me ask you something. 我问你件事Do -- do you ever get the sense 你会不会有时候觉得that your wife feels like she could have done better? 你配不上你妻子God, no. Nah, she's the luckiest woman on earth. 天呐不会她找到我算是三生有幸I mean, if anything, I could've done better. 非要说的话是她配不上我The noises that come out of that woman at night? 那女人夜里发出的噪音It's like she's that black guy from "Police Academy." 就好像她是《警察学校》里的那个黑人Oh, speak of the devil. 说曹操曹操就到Message from my wife, 我老婆发来的信息not the black guy from "Police Academy." 不是《警察学校》里的那个黑人Oh, that'd be so awesome. 要真是他发的才给力呢That would be neat. 超给力的Phil? Hey, it's Claire. 菲尔我是克莱尔Um, I hate to spoil your golf game, but... 抱歉打扰你打高尔夫球但是...I'm pregnant! 我怀孕了What? 什么Let's talk as soon as you can. 我们尽快谈谈吧I have to leave. 我得走了What? We're in the middle of a game. 什么我们正在打比赛呢I have to be with Claire! 我得去找克莱尔Oh -- my clubs! 我的球杆My hat! 我的帽子My sandwich! 我的三明治I'm sorry I freaked out in there. 对不起我在里面崩溃了How -- how much did we get for it? 我们卖了多少钱You know, here. I couldn't do it. 给你我做不到What? No. 什么不是吧This belt buckle means so much to you. 这个皮带扣对你来说意义重大I'm just gonna -- I am going to sell my comic book instead. 我决定...还是把我的漫画卖了Oh, Mitchell, that is so sweet. You know -- 米奇尔你真是太贴心了The idea of me parting ways with a belt buckle 一想到我要跟我爷爷与怀亚特·厄普that my grandfather arm-wrestled Wyatt Earp for -- 掰手腕赢来的皮带扣说再见He arm-wrestled him? 他掰手腕赢了他吗Oh, yeah, but not in a contentious way. 是啊但不是因为有争论才比赛You know, they were friends. 要知道他们是朋友My grandfather saved his life during a train robbery. 我爷爷在一次火车劫案里救了他A -- a train robbery? That's -- wow. 火车劫案太惊人了Cam, wow! Yeah. 小卡这太惊人了They had a real bond. 他们关系很铁The great Wyatt Earp and honest Abe Tucker. 伟大的怀亚特·厄普和诚实的亚伯·塔克I have it, I'll store it, 我心里知道不拆穿and if I need to, I will use it. 必要时再拿出来说You know what? I quit. 这样吧我放弃Pardon me for trying to broaden his horizons. 原谅我试图让他开眼界No, no, no. You're not quitting anything. 不不你绝对不能放弃You're going to eat your sausage, 你得把香肠吃了and you're going to eat your pickle. 而你得把你的酸黄瓜吃了I am tired of every day cooking two different meals. 我已经受够每天做两种饭了No tomatoes. White meat only. Extra bacon. 不要番茄只要白肉多加培根He gets extra bacon? What the hell? 他能多吃培根凭什么Today is the day you two are stopping this silliness! 你们今天必须把这毛病改了Fine, we'll all conquer something today. 我们今天都必须克服一些东西What do I have to conquer? I eat everything. 我有什么好克服的我什么都吃- Pet Stella's belly. - What? -抚摸斯黛拉的肚子 -什么You won't touch Stella's belly. 你从来不摸斯黛拉的肚子Yeah, because it's the creepiest thing ever. 因为感觉太奇怪了Has like 30 nipples. 她有三十多个乳头I'll eat the blood sausage, 我会把猪血肠吃掉Manny eats the pickles, 曼尼会把酸黄瓜吃掉you pet her belly. 而你要抚摸她的肚子I'd rather eat the dog. 我宁愿把狗吃了Don't be a hypocrite. 别做个光说不练的人Nice and long, like you mean it. 要长长的爱抚发自内心的I want to see that leg shake. 我要看到她舒服得抖腿- Let me get these! - What's happening? -我来拿吧 -发生什么事了- I'm just so happy! - Really? -我就是太高兴了 -真的吗Oh, did you finally get a hole in one? 怎么你一杆进洞了吗A hole in one. 一杆进洞I hope our baby has your sense of humor. 我希望我们的宝宝也这么幽默- Our what? - Why didn't I see it? -我们的什么 -我怎么没看出来呢The drug store, the bloated ankles, 去药店关节肿胀you've been so moody lately... 你最近脾气也大了What are you talking about? 你在说什么There it is. 你看这暴脾气Phil, I am not pregnant. 菲尔我没怀孕- You're not? - No. -你没有吗 -没有Well, why'd you leave me that message? 那你怎么跟我留言说怀孕了Didn't leave you a message. 我没有给你留过言Are you sure? You're very forgetful when you're pregnant. 你确定吗你怀孕时忘性特别大I think I would remember! 我觉得我能记得住Then why have you been so moody? 那你为什么最近脾气这么大Maybe because you just told me I have giant ankles! 大概是因为你刚刚说我关节肿大Shh, I don't want him to hear us fight like this. 我不希望宝宝听到我们吵架Give me this. 把东西给我Okay. This is gonna be good for everybody, 这会对大家都有好处So let's get it over with. 所以赶快行动吧- Fine. - Okay. -好吧 -好吧We'll go on the count of three. 我们数三下One... 一Two... 二Three. 三Uh! Oh, no! 不I'm gonna throw up! 我要吐了Why so moist, Jay?! Why?! 怎么这么湿杰为什么Is this a bad time? 我们来的时机不对吗Sorry to barge in here like this. 很抱歉我们来得这么突然I guess it's weird that, uh, I'm still storing stuff here. 感觉挺奇怪我还把东西放在这里I just wish you would have come in sooner 我希望你来得再早一点before I went to second base with Stella. 在我跟斯黛拉上二垒之前All right, I'll be two minutes. 只需要两分钟If you need money for the wedding, 如果你需要资金来筹备婚礼why sell something that you love? 为什么要把心爱之物卖掉呢Why don't you just ask Jay? 为什么不跟杰开口No. No. No. No. 不不不不Why not? He's your father. 为什么不他是你爸I don't feel right asking my dad for money, okay? 跟我爸爸开口要钱让我很不舒服I'm an adult, and I have my comic book. 我成年了而且我还有我的漫画书I hate to spoil your golf game, but... 抱歉打扰你打高尔夫但是...I'm pregnant! 我怀孕了Let's talk as soon as you can. 我们尽快谈谈吧Oh, they are good. 他们真厉害I can't believe they pulled such an elaborate stunt. 简直不敢相信他们能做得这么天衣无缝I don't know whether to be angry or impressed. 我不知道是该生气还是该赞赏It's so diabolical. 简直太邪恶了I don't know where they get that... 不知道他们从哪里弄到的Wait. Wait. Wait. 等等慢着We could really have some fun with this. 我们可以好好捉弄一下他们You know, it's funny, 说来好笑I never saw you as a comic-book guy. 我从来不知道你喜欢漫画书Oh, no, I wasn't, but I don't know. 我不喜欢我也不知道Spider-man -- 《蜘蛛侠》He -- he spoke to me. 让我产生了共鸣I -- I think it's because it's about this nerdy kid 我觉得大概是因为这种who has this special secret side of himself 一个小书呆子有着that he can't share with anybody, and -- 不可告人的另外一面的感觉And that's how I always felt. 我一直也都是这么觉得的Spider-man made me feel like it was okay to be different.蜘蛛侠让我觉得与众不同没什么不好And...it made me feel tough enough to -- 而且他让我在遇到困难时to get through the rough times. 变得足够坚强Oh, Mitchell, that's so sweet. 米奇尔这真让人感动I didn't know that. 我都不知道是这样的Are you sure you want to sell it? 你确定要把它卖了吗Yes, yes. 是的确定Because, like Spider-man, I am brave and strong. 因为就像蜘蛛侠一样我勇敢坚强- Oh! Spider web! Spider web! - Mitchell. -蜘蛛网蜘蛛网 -米奇尔It's in my mouth. 弄到我嘴里了- Oh, Mitchell! - What?! Oh! -米奇尔 -怎么了天哪No! No! Oh, no! 不不不Give me a break, Phil! 得了吧菲尔What do you want from me?! 你到底想我怎么样- Shh! - I didn't say anything. -小声点 -我什么都没说啊A little compassion when you thought I was pregnant 你听说我怀孕的时候would have been nice! 能不能多点热情I'm sorry. It was a knee-jerk reaction. 对不起那是我的下意识反应You got that half right! 说你是个混蛋[jerk]倒是真的Well, you're not pregnant, anyway, so who cares?! 反正你也没怀孕谁在乎呢And what did I say that was so terrible?! 我说了什么你这么大火气Well, I believe your exact words were, 用你的原话说就是"Great, another kid that we could screw up.” 太好了我们又有一个孩子可以糟蹋了Oh, I'm sorry. But we both know that's true. 那对不起了但我们都知道我说得没错Wait. Are you saying we never should have them in the first place. 等等你是说我们根本不应该要孩子吗Like you never said that! 就好像你没这么说过一样This is awful. 这太糟了This is what you thought gonna happen? 你一开始就知道会这样吗I didn't think that far ahead. 我想不到那么远的I never do. You know that. 从没想过你知道的You should've stopped me! 你应该阻止我的You said this was going to be fun! 你说这会很有趣的Nobody is having fun! 现在没有人觉得有趣Careful?! Please, Phil! 说话注意点菲尔If you hadn't gotten me pregnant, 如果你没有把我的肚子搞大I never would have married you! 我根本不可能嫁给你I would have married Bobby Nash! 我肯定嫁给鲍比·纳什了- You would?! - Oh, yeah! -真的吗 -是啊And right now, I would be on my 100-acre ranch in Aspen现在我就该在阿斯本一百亩的大庄园里了with my strapping 6'4" hedge-fund husband! 和我两米多高做对冲基金的老公一起You really wish you'd married Bobby? 你真的希望你嫁的是鲍比吗Oh, every single day! 每天都这么希望No, Phil. 等等菲尔Dad, are you okay? 爸爸你还好吗Yep. 还行That's what I am to everyone around here. 这家里每个人都这么看我- Mom... - Just "Okay." -妈妈 -只是"还行"而已- Phil! - Hey, mom? -菲尔 -妈妈- Not now. - Phil! -等会儿 -菲尔You guys hear that? We totally got them! 你们听见了吗我们完全骗到他们了Quick! We need a blow dryer! 快点我们需要个吹风机Is this some sort of gay emergency? 是有什么基佬紧急情况吗No, dad, it's not a gay emergency! 不爸爸不是什么基佬紧急情况It's my comic book. 是我的漫画书We need to -- ohh, god! 我们要... 天呐It's ruined. 全毁了Mitchell, it's okay. 米奇尔没事的It probably wasn't worth that much anyway. 反正也许并不值那么多钱It was worth $5,000! Your belt buckle is garbage. 这书值五千块你的皮带扣分文不值It came from a gas station! 那是从加油站买的Your grandfather never met Wyatt Earp! 你祖父从来没见过怀亚特·厄普I didn't hold on to that for quite as long as I thought. 这个秘密看来没有保守太久Hey, I'm sorry. 对不起I -- I didn't mean to blurt it out like that. 这事我没想说的No, it's -- it's okay. 不没关系I -- I kinda suspected the dates didn't line up. 我也怀疑过时间点不太对Now I'm starting to think that wasn't 现在我开始怀疑那到底是不是Amelia Earhart's compass. 阿梅莉亚·埃尔哈特的指南针了I'm so sorry, but I am sure that Jay can help you two out. 太可惜了但我觉得杰肯定能帮到你们No, no, no, no, no. 不不不We want to do this on our own. 我们想自己解决这个问题Can I ask you a question? 我能问个问题吗Why are you having such a big thing anyway? 你们为什么要弄一个那么大的婚礼Well, because we're only getting married once. 因为我们只结一次婚啊I'm just saying, why do you need to make into a spectacle?我只是想说为什么你们要如此大张旗鼓A s-- a spectacle? 大张旗鼓This could be the universe's way of telling you 这也许正是老天想要暗示你们to bring it down a notch. 把婚礼搞得低调一点Invite your family, your friend Pepper, 邀请家人还有你们的朋友胡娇and, what's his name, the -- the -- the flouncy one? 还有那个叫什么的爱穿荷叶边的那个Uh, L'david. L·大卫I don't have a flouncy friend named L'david, dad. 我没有爱穿荷叶边的叫L·大卫的朋友Do -- do you mean L'michael or J'marcus? 你是说L·迈克或是J·马库斯吗I'm not sure who you're referring to. 我不太确定你说的是谁Whatever. 管他呢I'm just saying keep it small. 我就是说低调一点Why pay all that money for people you barely know?为何要为了几乎不认识的人花那么多钱呢Oh, oh, you mean like any of your friends? 你是说你的那些朋友吗Oh, please, you don't want any of my friends there. 拜托你不会想邀请我的朋友们的Really? Because I've -- 真的吗因为我I've been asking for a list for months now. 我管你要名单都要了几个月了So, so who doesn't want them there -- 到底是谁不想让他们来呢me or you? 我还是你Why are you getting upset? 你为什么生气Because, dad, if -- if this was Claire's wedding, 因为如果这是克莱尔的婚礼you would be all over it. 你就会投入得多了You'd be wanting to have it at your club. 你甚至会要求在你的俱乐部办You'd be inviting all your friends. 你会邀请你所有的朋友Oh, please! 拜托I wasn't that thrilled when Claire got married, either. 克莱尔结婚时我也一样不那么兴奋"Either"? For god's sake, just stop talking. "也一样" 老天爷啊别说了Everybody back off. 所有人都退一步I don't think I'm out of line 我不觉得我说得过分suggesting my friends don't want to see 我的朋友不会想在盛大的a father-son dance at a big gay wedding. 同志婚礼上看父子共舞There is no father-son dance, dad. 根本没什么父子舞老爸I don't know what things go on there. 我不知道在同志婚礼上是什么情况Do I walk you down the aisle? 我需要牵着你走红毯吗Does someone throw a bouquet? 会有人扔花束吗。

Good afternoon. Thanks for coming.It's so nice to spend my birthdaysurrounded by so many smiling faces.I was almost too depressed to come today.I realized I let my childhood slip away.I realized I let my childhood slip away.Come on, everybody!We're gonna be late for Manny's birthday!Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!I'm ready, mom.- You sure, honey? - Yep.Then take a quick peek at your feet.Oh! Come on, Luke!Are you gonna walk faster,or should I get Lily's stroller out of the car and push you? Would you relax?The restaurant's like five minutes away from here Ohh, free lotion.Stop Stopping to smell the roses. Manny's present. Ohh, you are such a Pritchett.What's that supposed to mean?Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!I'm looking for the keys!Of course you are.I like being on time.It's easy 'cause I'm organized.You'd think growing up in a placeYou'd think growing up in a placefull of death squads and drunken uncles,she'd have learned to move a little bit faster.Sorry, sorry.I couldn't find my earring.So, what were we talking about, huh?更多影视更新请登陆 更多影视更新请登陆 Honey, come on. We're gonna be late. Let's go.Yeah, yeah, just filling out the application to family camp. You don't win the "dirty dancing" competitionand not go back to defend your crown.That's right. Come on, honey.But shoot for the king...you better kill him.Every summer, we spend a week at family camp.It's just like regular camp, but with the family!I don't think that needed any clarification, Phil. Somebody's still a little touchy- about losing last year's color war. - Not.She was on team blue......or as I like to refer to them as team blue-zer.- And I was on white. - That's good.- And if you ain't white... - No.Phil! Have you learned nothing?Phil! Have you learned nothing?My good man.My good man.Okay, come on, everybody. Front door! Now! Claire, relax. It takes 15 minutes to get there.It takes 20 minutes.If we take your route.Well, my way is the most direct.Directly into traffic.Uh, your way is directly into...the suckiest way. Want to make this interesting?Yeah, I don't think that's possible.We take two cars and see who gets there first. Fine. Fine. Let's do that. It's on.Yeah! It is on!I'll take the girls.Luke, your dad and I are splitting up.- Why? - Another one of their stupid arguments. Okay. I'll go with dad.No, no. Buddy. Come with me.Prepare to be -- my shoes.Come on, Phil!How do I look?Like Al Capone.Thanks!Happy birthday, kid.A BB gun?!Enjoy. That's the best gift my dad ever gave me. My keys are nowhere!We're gonna have to go in your car.It's in the shop.Where was the last place you put your keys? Oh, so now it's my fault?Where was the last place you put my keys?In your hand when I bought you the car.Hey, Jay, on the box,it says "Ages 16 and up."Is this an appropriate gift for me?Are you kidding me? You were born 16.You know, we wouldn't be having this problem if you hadn't lost the spare set.I didn't lose them.Somebody came in here and stole them!And left the car.What do you mean, I was born 16?I'm just saying, you were never much of a kid. And that's a good thing, 'cause I never liked kids. You know, you ought to try the fridge.'Cause that's where we found your cellphone.It was only one time, Jay.And you know I always eat after I talk to my mother. Happy birthday, old man.Well, I've forgotten a lot of things in my life.But what Jay said hit me hard.I'd forgotten to have a childhood.Dad, that was a stop sign.I'll stop twice on the way back.Oh, good, it'll give us a chance to pick up that hubcapyou lost cutting through the temple parking lot. Yellow...yellow!Okay.Are you seeing this?We are making every light, and we don't even have to speed. The system works.Mom?I know, I went a little fast back there,but, really, 40 is the same as 35.You say that a lot.I don't think you two appreciate what's at stake here.- Our lives? - You know I love your mother,but I think you also know a certain look she getsThat says, "Just listen to me, I'm always right".You mean her face?N-now we're getting this.If we're right this one time,then we never have to be right again.When she says, "That balloon can't carry a person, Phil", I say, "Manny's birthday"."Take your jacket, Alex. I think it's gonna rain". "Manny's birthday".Don't look at me. Look at the road."Manny's birthday".No, dad! Look at the road! There's a truck!Sweet baby! Assholes!We are so kicking your dad's butt!We are the best ones!How come you and dad are breaking up?What?If it's just a little disagreement,can't you just work it out?Oh, sweetie, you thoughtthat when I said we were splitting up...No. No, your dad and I are fine, honey.We just were gonna take separate carsto see who could get to the restaurant faster.Oh, that's a relief.Ohh, you must have been feeling awful back there.I am so sorry.It's okay.Why did you say you'd go with your dad?Great. Mom gets to be right again.Hey, bad attitudes lose races.No, swerving into a curb and popping your tire loses races. We should call the cops and say mom's car was stolen. They arrest her, we win.No, they trace those calls.But this is great. Thinking like a team!Good practice for family camp.We're, uh, we're doing that again?And this year I predict total white domination.Can't go back there.I heard this summer there's gonna be a hoedown.I can't.Haley!I can't! I can't.Eight minutes talking to the lady at the stationery store and still no present.You know, I think a new friend is like a present.Yeah, I read that card, too.Can we please just buy the next thing we seeand get out of here?You know, why can't you enjoy this?It's a beautiful afternoon, Lily's with a sitter.The day is ours!Helen!Helen!Helen!Helen!!Oh, look at that. Another friend. Off we go. Very busy. No. Stop.You are too tied to your rigid schedules.You're missing life.It took all of two seconds to help this nice man.W-w-wait. Wait. There's more.Two seconds. Yeah.Tell her I'm so sorry, I've always loved her.He says he's so sorry!And that he's always loved you!Please come up and talk to me.Please come up and talk to him!His life would be empty without you!I'm sorry I'm going off script. It just felt right.Oh. Good. Oh.- T-too late. - No, you know what?Give him your cellphone.I'll chase Helen down and give her my phone.They can hash it out.Are you -- are you serious?Yes, I'm serious as a heart attack.You always do this.Now we're gonna be late to our own party.Stop shouting.Well, technically, I wasn't really --Uh, yes, hello. Is Seymour Butts there?I'd never made a prank call...never mixed different sodas togetherto see what they'd taste like.So I knew I had to make the mostof what little childhood I had left.Not "Lutts". I'm looking for Butts.Yes, I'm trying to get ahold of Butts.Very funny. I don't have time for this foolishness. Maybe if you had a system for where you leave things.I have a system.I put down things, then I remember where I put them. And that would be preferableto, say, putting them on the key holderwhich just happens to look like a large key.Stop screaming!What are you doing?Turning back the clock.Turning back the clock.Turning back the clock.Turning back the clock.Turning back the clock.Turning back the clock.Turning back the clock.Disgusting!Don't judge me. You've never been married.This never happened.I don't know what you're talking about.That's a good man.Boy. I'm a boy!You all right? You okay?W-why do you ask?Oh. Okay. Well, I think this is for you.I-I don't know what to say to him.Just open your heart and listen, Helen.Okay.Hello?I dropped your phone.I was here when it happened.Okay. It's all right. We'll just...I can't. I-I just can't.Helen, you have to try. I once almost let my own fears stop me from embarking on a relationship,and I would have lost the love of my life.- Helen! - Donald!- Cam... - Hang on. Hang on, Helen!I'll have you down in a jiffy!Hold on tight! Ow. Nails.- Helen. Nails. Nails. Nails. - Helen.Helen, please just give me a chance.Give him a chance!!She's right here.Cam, come on. We're running out of time.We're running out of time? Sensitive.Go to him.Ohh, I-it's nice that you care so much about us. Without love we're nothing.But what about his wife?It was a pleasure to meeting you both.I get it, Luke. You think he's the fun one.That's why you'd go with him.What?You think your dad is more fun than I am.- Definitely. - "Definitely."Dad's, like, crazy-fun.- But you're nice. - I'm nice?!Well, not now.Tell him.- Tell me what? - Nothing.Hey, what do we call daddy's car, girls?The cone of trust.The cone of trust. Exactamundo.Where you can speak your mind with no judgment. So, what is it? Boys?Your bodies are changing? Eggs?No! No.We were just thinking that maybe......if -- if you're open to it --Dad, we love you, but we do not wantto go to family camp this year.- Dad? Are you upset? - Nope.Then what was that sniff?Sniff? What sniff? I'm -- I'm, uh --I'm actually relieved.The day that I've been dreading,uh, the day when you two finally outgrow me, has finally arrived,and I'm handling it really well.- Dad, are you crying? - Nope.- Are you sure you're okay? - Yep.Oh, my god. He is crying.I've never seen dad cry before.But, dad, if you cry, then I'll cry!I'm not crying.We made our daddy cry!You called me daddy?Because you are our daddy!I'll always be your daddy!Don't cry, mom.I am not crying.Let me fill you in on a little secret, Luke. When I met your dad, I was fun, too.But I had to give all that up,because you can't have two fun parents.That's a carnival.You know that kid Liam who wears pajama pants to school and pays for things with a $100 bill?Two fun parents. Mark my words.Oh, my god! Ohh!You're fun, too, mom.I just said I'd go with dadbecause I think he'd need me more.How come I do all the looking and you do all the sitting? 'Cause you do all the losing.Oh, and you're this closeof doing all the sleeping in a tent in the backyard!Did you check your purse?Yes, of course!It's a big purse. You might want to look again.Okay. I check. You rest.No. There's nothing.You're sure?Yes. I've looked twice now.- There's nothing. - Okay.Then you better call us a cab!Manny! Manny?What the hell? Where'd that thing come from? Christmas. Two years ago. Never took it out of the box. "Who would enjoy that?" I thought.A kid, that's who.Well, come on. We've got your party.What's the point? You were right. I-I was born 16.I've lost my childhood.Why did you want me to look again in my purse, Jay, huh? Is it because you put the keys in there?No. Why, did you find it?Yes, I found them because you put the keys in there! Manny, what the hell are you doing there?He wants to cancel his party because he missed his childhood The party that I have rescheduled three times,changed the restaurant twiceso that the whole family could be together?!Please send my regrets.Now, if I could have a little privacy...Privacy?! Esto es lo que me faltaba a me.Privacy?! En esta casa?Is that a skateboard down there?The second thing that slipped right out from under me today. Okay, time to get out.The first was my childhood.I get it!I am so sick of stubborn men!You, you act like a little boyThat doesn't want to accept that he's wrong.And you like a sad old man that doesn't want to be happy! That's it!- You could have shot me! - Come on, Manny.I could've unbuttoned your shirt if I wanted to.Now come here, or sink!And I'm taking this with me in the car.Vamonos.I know that face, Mitchell.Okay, a-and we're walking.It means you were right and I was wrongfor trying to help two people.- Adulterers? - Fair enough.A-actually, the most adult adulterers ever.But my impulse was still right.- Oh, god. Here we go. - Life is about being --Yes. You know what? Here we do go.It's about being spontaneous.It's about throwing yourself into something,not working long hours every night at the office.It's like you're living your l--- What is this? - I don't know.Excuse me, constable, what -- what is going on?活动结束后迅速闪人Oh, it's a flash mob! It's a flash mob!Ooh! We saw it on Youtube. Remember?People get together and choreograph big dance numbers! We should go. T-this is kind of weird.No, this is joyful, Mitchell.You, of all people, should --Cam's right. I can be a little rigid.So when Chad from accounting,who I always thought was gaybut apparently is not,Um, told me about this flash mob,I thought, "Hells yes".Uh, we've been practicing after work a couple of nights a week. And it's -- it's been a big commitment,but it's totally worth it.This dance is my love letter to Cam.Okay, so, this is why I was rushing you around.Huh? What do you think of me now?How could you, Mitchell?What? Cameron.- Cameron. - Not now. Donald!You do fun stuff.You put that potato chip in my sandwich.That was a crunchy surprise.Nope, that was your dad. Everything fun is your dad.Second Christmas, Italian-accent night...this race.Which we could've won. Your way is way faster.It is, isn't it?Buckle up, Luke.Today you have two fun parents.Come on, mom. You can do it.That's right I can.Tell me the truth, Jay.Did you put the key in my bag?No.I won't be mad.In order to prove a point, I may have --I knew it!Why did I get you such a big watch?!Why, Jay?! What point did you have to prove?! I'm trying to teach you to be organized.Your mind is scattered, Gloria.Your mind is gonna be scattered.Manny, hand me the gun!I appreciate the gesture,and I'm not proud of how I'm feeling right now, but the fact is, you cheated on me.In what way did I cheat on you?You cheated on me with choreography,and that is the worst kind.Well, it really isn't.You danced without me, Mitchell!If I'd known it was my last summer there,If I'd known it was my last summer there,I'd have gone for the lead in "Pippin."Dad, look up ahead. Coming at us. There's mom! Beat her!I don't think he's in the mood for that right now. Hold on. No.If ever a man needed a win, it's this man.What do you say, dad?Okay. This one's for family camp.Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!- This is so inappropriate! - I love you!Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!Mom, look out!Cam!Anybody hurt?I am.I was almost too depressed to come today.I realized I let my childhood slip away.Look at Luke there...making one big straw out of three.Never change, Luke.I really thought it was too late for me.But watching all you acting like children,it hit me -- I've got plenty of time left to be a kid. Anyway, happy birthday to me.Happy birthday, Manny.Happy birthday, Manny.I have been a child.I'm sorry I hid the keys.I'm sorry I shoot the island.We're totally racing home.I'm way ahead of you.As usual.They say it's going to be a rainy weekend. They don't know.I do. My knee's been singing all morning. Unbelievable.Mother of g --Put them down and walk away.You know, Gloria --。

How could we don't have the same number of containers and lids?怎么盒子和盖子的数量不对应呢Why would they ever get separated?它们怎么会分开呢Built-up resentment, money issues,可能感情不和也可能经济问题met a younger lid.还可能跟年轻的盖子跑了Mom, whcre*s my science homework?妈妈我的科学作业哪去了Uh, it's over there on the table.就在那边的桌子上So, Alex, honey, what's going on?艾丽克斯宝贝最近怎么样Anything exciting?有啥新鲜事吗No.没有-Any boys?-No.-有喜欢的男孩吗-没有Fm feeling a little bit disconnected我觉得我和艾丽克斯之间from Alex right now.有代沟了Last week, I picked up her cellphone,就在上周thinking it was mine.我错拿了她的手机And I accidentally read a few flirty text messages 无意中看到几条暧昧短信that were probably from a boy in her class,如果是她班上的某个男生干的which is fine.那也就罢了Or they're from a drifter.就怕是哪个混混发的Come on, isn't there something 来嘛你就真没啥you want to share with your mommers?要告诉你"马马”的吗Yeah. Don't call yourself H Mommcrs.H有别自称"马马"He blew his lid when she tried to contain him.盒子想上盖子盖子爆发了Okay. What do you think?你觉得这件怎么样时间轴：向日葵的星后期&特效：WiLL总监：君君爱爱翻译：扣扣大卫熊四月海东方Vkvicky 校对：夏沫心时间轴：向日葵的星后期&特效：WiLL总监：君君爱爱■-I like it. -But you don t love it.-我喜欢-但不是特别喜欢No, I do. I love it.谁说的我爱死它了-As much as you loved the other one? - Ooh.-和刚才那件比-天Okay. Mm.好吧The house is on fire. I only have time to grab one shirt.房子着火了我只来得及拿一件衬衫Which one do I take?我选谁The correct answer is take Lily.带上莉莉才是正解After that.那之后呢Uh, okay, the blue one.好吧拿蓝色的那件Because the gray one washes me out.因为我穿灰色的显胖No, no. Cam, you - you can't go wrong here.不不不另U误会小卡Everything you*ve tried on looks great.你不管穿什么都美翻了I love you in both of them.两件都好搭你Oh, youre so nice to me.还是你疼我Mitchell has a problem with public displays of affection.米奇尔不喜欢在公众场合亲热Um, I remember once at a new year's eve party,我记得有一年的新年派对上stroke of midnight, he high-fived me.零点钟声一响他和我击掌庆祝Two problems with that -两个问题One, gays don't high-five.苜先同志不击掌Two, gays don*t high-fivc.其次同志不击掌Fm home!我回来啦Mmm, what smells so good?烧什么呢这么香Fm making chunchullo, a traditional Colombian dish,我在做圈圈肉哥伦比亚名菜呢for dinner with the family tonight.为了今晚的家庭聚餐准备的Chunchullo.圈圈肉What is that - like, uh. tacos?那是啥跟玉米卷差不多吗Yes, like tacos.对就跟玉米卷似的No, it isn't.才不是呢-It s the small intestine of a pig. - Oh, Geez.-这是猪肠做的-我的老天爷Why can't we eat regular food like normal people?我们就不能像其他人一样吃正常点儿吗I told you. Jay.我跟你说过滴杰My grandmother, who rests in peace,我那远在天国的奶奶has been coming to me in my drcams,曾经托梦给我telling me that Tm losing touch with my roots.告诫我不要忘本See, this is awkward,你看这下尴尬了because my dead uncle joe told me to have steak tonight.因为我死了的叔叔告诉我今晚该吃牛排No, no, no. Jay. Have some respect.不不不杰放尊重点My grandmother can hear you.我奶奶能听见你滴What do you mean, she can hear us?什么意思她能听到我们吗Well, in our culture.是这样滴在我们的文化里we believe that the dead arc all around us.我们相信死者的灵魂就在我们身边She's right, Manny.她说的对曼尼She could be right here,可能现在她就在你背后her bony fingers reaching out from the grave.从坟墓里伸出她那瘦骨嶙峋的手指Yeah, keep it up. Jay.厉害哦杰继续忽悠呀Thcres already one dead person in this room.这房子里已经有一个死人TYou want to make it two?你也想死是哇Fm sorry. I've got a printer to install.我错了我去装打印机Oh, Gloria, have your grandmother歌洛莉亚麻烦让你奶奶run me up an iced tea in about 10 minutes.十分钟后给我拿杯冰红茶来Yeah, she has a better chance of making that work than you!是啊她要活着滴话干得比你好Why don't you save us the stomping and the swearing and call Phil?你打电话给菲尔啊省得一会你搞砸了乂叫乂骂He's good at that stuff•他这方面比较牛Better than me?能有我牛Phil's not better than me at anything,菲尔任何方面都没我牛Except maybe making that stupid sound with his mouth,他也就只会怪叫啥的A what, what 咋咋样You spit on me,你口水喷我脸上了Haley, honey, urn, I need you to do something for me.宝贝海莉来帮我个忙Ugh. Mom, my arm hurts.啊妈我手痛Why don't you find out what it is你都不知道我找你啥事before you start making up excuses to get out of it? 着急编瞎话干嘛Okay, what is it?好吧说吧I need you to talk to your sister•我要你去和你妹妹谈谈I think that thcres something going on with her and a boy.我觉得她和某个男孩子有暧昧So?然后So, I am your mother, and it is my job to make sure 然后我是你们的妈妈that you girls don't get involved with a predator.确保你们不被坏蛋给剥皮吃了Okay, mom, stop watching "Dateline."得了吧妈妈别再看新闻联播了And why can't you just talk to her?你自己怎么不去和她谈I have tried to talk to her.我试过了I -- she won't talk to me. You know that.她不会跟我开口的你懂的That's because you get so weird every time a boy comes near us.因为一有男孩接近我们你就变得神经质I-I just don,t want you girls to --我只是不想你们这些女孩子-To make the same mistakes that you did? - No! .重蹈你的覆辙吗-不是No.当然不是Mom, Tm not an idiot.老妈我乂不傻I pick up on things.我看得出来And I don't think that you were the good girl 你可不是你□中描述的you pretend you were.那种好女孩Wow. That is so untrue.夫哪你大错特错了I was a very good girl. Mm,你不知道我以前有多乖Your kids don*t need to know 孩子不需要知道They need to know who you wish you were,他们只需了解你想要的完美形象and they need to try to live up to that person,还必须以你为榜样They're gonna fall short,他们可能达不到这个标准but better they fall short of the fake you但参照人物是虚构的完美的你than the real you.肯定比真实的你强Which is why we doift hide anything.所以我们从不隐瞒That's the opposite of what I just said•你说的和我的刚好相反I was not listening.我溜号了I'll say it again - I love you in paisley.我还得说一遍我喜欢你穿这件佩斯利Oh, let me lock the door and draw the curtains.不如先关好门拉好窗帘What does that mean?你什么意思-It doesn't mean anything. -Good.-什么意思都没有-很好You know exactly what it means.你当然知道我什么意思You won't kiss me in front of other people 你不在别人面前亲我because you're ashamed of who you are.是因为你不能正视自己And, yes...I went there.没错我就是戳你痛处了Okay, you can't say," Yes, I went there," 你不能拿戳我当乐事when you go there all the time.还企图用过去式And. by the way. I'm the one who makes speeches on airplanes 再说了每次飞机上有人对咱们另眼相待every time someone looks at us weird.可都是我站出来教育他们Fm the one who gives my dad hell我爸爸说你是我"朋友”的时候when he refers to you as my "Friend."也是我跟他挑明挖烂了理论That*s different. That*s confrontation,那不一样那是正面冲突But you know what takes real strength?但你知道什么才最需要勇气吗Whining?抱怨吗-Affection. -Oh, this is insane.-是表达爱意-受不了了Buying a shirt --it's not a kiss-worthy moment.买衬衫有什么可亲的Oh, I didn*t know there was an official list.我不知道这还有官方规定Please, tell us - what is on the list?求你告诉我什么时候能亲I'll tell you what's not on the list -我告诉你什么时候不亲吧Finding jalapeno-stuffed olives,吃了夹辣椒的橄榄making the light on maple,给枫树挂灯泡的时候every time we see a V.W.看到大众车的时候也不亲You don't like "Kiss-buggy"?你不喜欢玩"亲亲甲壳虫”［看到大众甲壳虫车就亲亲］It's not a real game!那根本就不是游戏It - its just another way for you to be needy.那不过是你黏人的一种方式I -- and I don't appreciate you making me feel bad 你可别想把我搞得很内疚because I can't live up to your impossible standards.因为我可达不到你那离谱的标准Nobody kisses at a bowling alley!没人在保龄球馆接吻I almost got a turkey!我差点打出三击全中H Yello M?侬好Oh, hey, Jay. Just a sec. I'll go get Claire.你好杰等下我找克莱尔去Oh, actually, ifs you Fm calling.其实我找你What was that?什么声音The cat. There's a cat. What's up?是猫有只猫什么事Well, Glorias been missing her grandmother.歌洛莉亚很想念她的外婆Fve been trying to get this old picture of her printed,我一直想打印出一张她的照片but I can^ get this new printer to ~但是新的打印机我…Fil be right there.我马上到Luke, grandpa needs us!卢克外公需要我们Hells yes. I was glad to get the call.接到电话我当然很高兴Jay*s always around here fixing things,杰总来我家修东西cracking jokes about my H Delicate hands” 嘲笑我柔弱的双手or my gag response to the smell of paint.还有我一闻油漆就吐Look who needs me now看看谁来求哥了Mr. Hot-dog fingers who can't press "Print""手好粗”先生每次想按打印键without hitting three extra keys.他那胖手都会多按好几个按钮Yeah!真菜Youre in my house now. Jay!你可是在我的主场杰T-technically, well be in his house,准确的说我要去他的地盘迎战but we*ll be in my area...但是他的地盘of his house.哥做主So, I hear you have a boyfriend.我听说你有男朋友了-No. I don't. - Who is he?-哪有-他是谁-I'm not talking to you about this. - Oh, come on.-我才不告诉你呢-说吧Youre finally interesting. Just tell me.你总算有点八卦可挖了快说呗He's not my boyfriend.他不是我男友It*s Jeremy Reed.他叫杰里米•瑞德It*s - he*s just this boy that I -不过是个男孩我…-Love? - No!-爱他-没有Well, have you guys kissed yet?你们接吻了吗No!没有Well, what are you waiting for?那你等什么呢I'm not waiting. I'm 13.我没等人家才13岁And you've never kiss boy?你还没亲过男生How old were you?你初吻什么时候Like 11. 11岁的时候吧And it was beautiful.唯美极了I was in Jackson Kancr's carpeted garage.是在杰克逊・肯纳家铺了地毯的车库里-11?-Yeah. -11 岁-是啊So you better get on it,你最好也抓紧or else he's gonna think yoifre a lesbian.要不然他会觉得你是拉拉He's not going to think I'm a lesbian.他才不会认为我是拉拉I thought you were.我就以为你是You totally have the sandals for it.你那凉鞋很拉拉Let's see this bad boy.我们来看看出了什么问题Oh, a P-750. Nice unit. P-750型不错I would have sprung for the 840,要是我会选840那款But I get it 一但是我知道not everyone can handle that kind of horsepower.不是谁都能玩转这种高级货的I thought maybe the cordless phone was interfering,我以为是无线电话干扰了信号so I unplugged it.我就给它拔了Good idea. Maybe we should run downstairs 好主意也许我们应该下楼and unplug the toaster while were at it.把面包机也拔了Oh, snap. dad.幽默啊老爸Toaster.面包机Were kidding.开玩笑A cordless phone is 5.8 gigahertz. This is wi-fi.无线电话是5.8千兆赫这个是无线网络It*s a totally different spectrum.用的不是一个频谱Walk with me?跟我来Here's a little trick that I've found pretty useful with Claire.教克莱尔使用电器的时候我发明了个小诀窍The computer and the printer must talk, talk, talk 电脑和打印机必须要交流流流commancl-p H Makes the picture walk, walk, walk'1 command+p［苹果快捷键］图片就出来了了7How come it's not working?好像没反应啊It should be.不应该啊Okay.好吧Uh, that should be printing.应该开始打印了So...应该是…Hey, Phil, I'm gonna get a beer, beer, beer 菲尔在打的你头头头之前Before I hit you in the head, head, head.我要先喝杯啤酒酒酒Hey. What are you doing here?嘿有事吗Hi. Jeremy. I want to ask you something.杰里米我有问题想问你-Sure, ask - Wait, don't talk yet.-好问-等等你先别出声Here is the thing.是在这么回事We've texting for a while, and it's been nice,我们短信已经发了一段时间了这样挺好but I feel like it's leading to something else,但我感觉我们不止于此and I don't know if you do or not,我不知道你有没有这种感觉but I guess what Pm trying to say is,我要说的是Fm just a girl standing in front of a boy我只是一个女孩站在一个男孩面前asking for him to like her.请他喜欢她Oh, god, that's from "Notting hill."不对这句是《诺丁山》的台词So dorky. But a really underrated movie.太老套了不过这绝对是部被低估的电影What's happening?你想表达什么Pm not a lesbian.我不是拉拉I would like for you to kiss me.我想你亲我Oh, I love watching you stir.我喜欢看你搅拌的样子Then I will stop.那我就停下What? Arc you still mad at me?怎么你还生我的气Yes. You have to apologize for making fun of my culture, my beliefs,是你要为取笑我滴文化我滴信仰my chunchullo, my abucla.我滴圈圈肉我滴奶奶而道歉Fm sorry.对不起If you think your Grandmothers here with us,如果你认为你奶奶也在这里I respect that.我表示尊重Now, come here.来抱抱Oh, Grandma! Whcrc'd you come from?奶奶你从哪冒出来的We're gonna have to get you a little bell.看来我们要给你系个小铃铛才行Enough, Jay!够了杰My culture is very important to me!我的文化对我很重要Fve been working all day to share it with your family tonight,为了今晚跟你滴家人吃饭我忙了一整天and all you do is mock me!你却只管嘲笑我Just go!走开Honey, I'm sorry.亲爱的对不起Fm just teasing you.我只是逗你玩Instead of being the comedian, why don't you help me?有时间当小丑干嘛不帮我What do you need?要我干什么-Slap the chicken. - Do what?-拍鸡肉-干什么In Colombia, when you cook in honor of the departed.在哥伦比亚为了表示对死者的尊重you have to scare death away from the food烹饪前要把死神从食物吓走to protect the people that arc gonna eat it.以保护将要吃此食物滴人Slap it and yell. 一边拍一边叫That*s the nuttiest -那也太傻缺了-Jay!-Calm down.-杰-淡定Give me the chicken.鸡肉拿来Here we go.拍就拍That*s not scaring anything away.介么轻什么也吓不跑When my grandfather used to cook,以前我爷爷做饭滴时候the whole house would shake.整间房子都在颤抖Louder.大声点Higher.调高点Louder!不够大声Higher! Louder! There!调再高声再大这才差不多I made all that up.我瞎编滴That is not a real custom in Colombia.哥伦比亚没有这个习俗We're not lunatics.我们乂不是精神错乱But you mess with us, and we mess with you.但你惹姐不高兴姐也不让你舒坦That's the custom,这才素我们的习俗Louder!大声点Hey, honey. Where^ you go?亲爱的你去哪了Nowhere. Just for a bike ride.哪也没去就骑了会脚踏车Oh, my god! Puh-lcase tell me this text is wrong!我的天求求你告诉我这短信纯属虚构Did you really just go over to that kid s house 你真跑去那个小屁孩的家and try and kiss him in front of a million people?!在众目睽睽之下跟他索吻-Alex, did you do that? - You got a text?-艾丽克斯你真这么做了 -你收到短信爆料了Oh, yeah. Everybody knows.当然地球人都知道了Do you know how embarrassing this is for me?!你知道这让我有多尴尬吗This is all your fault!这都是你的错Yourc the one who said I had to kiss him or I was a lesbian!是你说我如果不跟他接吻就是拉拉Haley! Did you say that to her?!海莉你真这么说了Oh, don't turn this on me. Look at her shoes!别扯到我身上你看她穿的那双鞋Ugh! Fm never going back to school now.我永远都不要去上学了No, sweetheart. Yes, you arc. You are going back to school.不亲爱的你要你要去上学But listen to me- Just because a boy sends you flirty texts,但听我说男生给你发暧昧短信Doesn't mean that 并不表示-you have to text him back - what?! You read my texts?!-你要回复他-什么你偷看我短信-1…-You read her texts?!-我…-你偷看她短信That's why you made me talk to her?!这就是为什么你要我跟她谈You made her talk to me?!是你让她跟我谈的I kind of feel like we're spinning out here a little bit.我觉得我们现在把话题扯远了Look. Alex, the important thing here 艾丽克斯重点是Is that you have to be very careful how you behave around boys 你跟男生的交往要格外小心Because it is so easy to get a reputation.要不你很容易就把名声给毁了Well, I'm sorry I'm not a perfect little good girl like you were!我很抱歉我不像你是那么完美的乖乖女Were you?你乖吗Were you?!你乖吗？！I highly doubt it!我严重怀疑Don't be such a chicken. There's no ghost in here.胆子别这么小这里根本没有什么鬼魂Fm telling you. my Mom said her dead grander was in the house.我说真的我妈说她过世的奶奶就在这She said she felt her here this morning...她说她今天早上感觉到她的存在In this room.就在这个房间Maybe your Mom's mentally ill.也许你妈精神病Who puts a router... in the attic?是哪个天刹的把路由器…放在阁楼里Did she have a limp and a cane?她是不是腿脚不便杵着一根相杖Ghost of Manny*s great-grandma,曼尼曾祖母的鬼魂if that's really you,如果真是你Show yourself!快快显灵That's her!这就是我曾祖母Come on!怎么会Why?!为什么Why?!!为什么？!！-Hi. grandpa.- How we doing, girls?-外公好-你们好吗孩子们Mom ruined my life today.我今天算是被妈妈毁了-I didn't ruin your life. I was - don't even talk to me!-我没有我是-不要和我说话I didn't even want to come here.我根本都不想来这Well, okay.好了Snacks and and sodas are in the living room,点心和苏打水在客厅But don't fill up -- we've got intestines coming.别吃太饱一会还要吃猪肠Uh, dad, if you re looking for your shoes,那个爸如果你在找鞋I think I know where they are.我晓得在哪儿This happens to be a Colombian custom -这是个哥伦比亚风俗Walking in the footsteps of the ancestors, blah, blah, blah.追随祖先的足迹啥啥啥的Beats slapping the chicken.总比让我拍鸡肉好过Here, I brought you a drink.来我给你拿了杯喝的Oh, wait a minute -- 等一下Sip it first.你先喝一口I'm not mad at you.我没生你气I thought about it, and maybe you're right.我想了一下也许你是对的I can be a little needy sometimes.有时候我是有点粘人了Oh, well, I-I appreciate that.喔谢谢你那么说And you re probably not entirely off base.当然也不全是你的错I mean, lord knows I-Fve got my quirks.我是说天知道我自己也很怪咖And I-Fm not the most demonstrative guy around,我不是个爱感情外露的人But Pm - I'm working on it.但是我在改-And Fm gonna help you with it. -Good.-我会帮你的-好Just don't give up on me.别失去耐心Never.永远不会Okay, everybody, lct r s gather around!大家伙都过来Jay, come here.杰过来Tonight wc dine on the traditional Colombian recipes 今晚我们吃传统哥伦比亚菜of my abuela, my grandmother.我奶奶的拿手菜［abuela西班牙语里祖母的意思］And even though she's no longer with me,尽管她已经不在了I am very happy because I have all of you.但素我很高兴因为我有你们To ana-maria rosa de la immaculada jimenez morales.为了我的祖母干杯［祖母名字不要太~长］To ana-maria rosa...为… 那谁干杯That was beautiful. Gloria,歌洛莉亚太美好了just like my Mitchell.就像我的米奇尔一样Just slipped right off there.好滑Ay, Cameron, what happened?卡梅隆怎么了One moment you were there,刚才你还坐在那the next, only shoes. 一股眼滴功夫就只看见鞋子了I'll tell you what happened --我告诉你是怎么回事Of course wc doiVt.当然不需要Oh, Tm sorry that I don't want to make out with you真对不起我不想当着我全家人的面in front of my whole family.和你亲热No need to apologize.不用道歉Oh. Gloria is right.歌洛莉亚说的对Dad, you being so emotionally closed off爸爸你这么封闭自己的感情makes it very difficult for your children to show affection.影响了你的孩子也很难表达自己的感情-Really? - Yes.-是吗-没错You had trouble showing affection in public places?你在公共场合也不善于表达感情-Yes!-You?-Yes.-对-你吗-是的Was that before or after那是在你什么也没穿you were delivered to my door in a squad car,只穿着内衣披着警察局的毯子wearing nothing but your underwear and a police blanket?被巡逻车送到我门口之前还是之后Oh, my god. What? You were arrested?天哪什么你进去过-Awesome! - Not awesome.-太给力了 -给什么力And I wasn't arrested.我没有被逮捕Your grandfather was just telling a joke.你们外公只是在开玩笑It was just a joke. I got a million of 'em.玩笑吗我能讲N个呢Dad.爸爸I did it!我成功啦It's printing!能打印了I had to download new firmware, install new drivers,我下载了新固件安装了新的驱动程序change your encryption, and replace an ethernet cable 改了你的加密码还在蒸笼似的阁楼上in a 100-degree attic,换了条以太网线缆while dodging particularly aggressive spiders, 一边还得防着点蜘蛛but I did it!但是我做到了Thanks.谢谢Oh. Okay. I guess thats it.喔看来就这样了What? What's it?什么就怎么样了Wake up, dummy.还不明白吗傻瓜This is what we're talking about.这就是我们说的This guy's been working like an imbecile all day for you.这家伙像白痴一样给你忙活了一天People need something else - kisses, hugs.我们还需要别的东西亲吻拥抱What, for fixing a printer?什么就为了修理个打印机吗Oh, it's fine. It was only four hours.也没什么只用了四个小时I tipped over a paint can and threw up a little,我让一个油漆桶绊倒了小吐了一下But I think - I think "Thanks” about covers B 但是我想我想这句"谢谢”也够了Well, whats wrong with "Thanks"?是啊说“谢谢"怎么了It's pretty much the bare minimum, dad.爸爸这几乎是最低程度的感激了Jay, for god*s sakes, just say something.杰看在上帝份上说点什么You want me to say something?你想让我说点什么吗How about "You're welcome0?那"欢迎你们”怎么样How about "I'm -- I'm so happy to be here for you all ”我很高兴你们大家都能来”so I can take the blame for all your crap J ”所以我才能在这享受你们的碎碎念”吗I don't do this,我做不来I never did that.我从来也不做这个Trust me. I gave you twice相信我我给你们的己经比我父亲as much as my father ever gave me.给我的要多出一倍了The man kissed me one time in my entire life.他一辈子就吻过我一次He came up behind me, kissed me on the back of the head,他走到我身后亲了下我的后脑勺said. "Goodnight, Becky.” 对我说晚安贝奇He thought I was my sister•他竟然把我当成了我妹妹Wait a minute.等一下When was the last time you kissed Mitch?你上次亲米奇是什么时候What does that have to do with anything?这都哪跟哪啊Mitch, when was the last time he kissed you?米奇他上次亲你是什么时候I-I doift remember.我记不得了-It wasn't that long ago. -1 was 12.-又没多久-我12岁的时候12? This is the problem! 12岁这就是问题所在Jay*s dad doesn't kiss Jay,杰的老爸不亲杰so Jay doe11 kiss Mitch, and Mitch is uptight.所以杰就不亲米奇从而导致米奇灰常保守Okay, okay, "Uptight” was really not on the table.好了好了现在不是谈我保不保守的事This is more about kissing.我们是在谈亲吻Jay, kiss your son. Hc*s a mess.杰亲吻你的儿子他简直一团糟Oh, come on, now.不会吧现在吗Wc don't have to do that. It's… 我们其实不必这么做的-Yes, you do. - No. - Come on.-你要做-不Come on, do it. You're in front of your grandchildren.快滴亲嘛孙辈们都看着呢All right, all right! Shut up!好吧好吧别吵了Mitch, get over here.米奇过来W-what, now? Well, I feel weird now.什么现在吗我觉得太诡异了Don't be coy.别扭扭捏捏的What arc you waiting for, a box of chocolates?你还等什么呢一盒巧克力吗Lct*s do this.过来亲亲That's the sweetest thing Fve ever seen.这是我见过的最甜蜜的事了All right, and now because I never want to hear this again.就这样我现在可不想再听到有人抱怨You.到你了Not you.没你的事Oh, daddy. I love you.爸爸我爱你Lct*s go eat chunchullo!我们来吃圈圈肉吧You know its made of pig intestines, right?那是用猪肠做的对吗Alex, wait.艾丽克斯等一下-What? -1 want to talk to you.-怎么了 -我想和你谈谈Mom, I don*t want another lecture.妈妈我不想再听你的那些说教了It*s not a lecture. I want to tell you something.不是说教我想告诉你一些事情Honey, I know exactly how you re feeling.亲爱的我完全了解你现在的心情No, you don't.不你不了解Okay, the -- the joke that grandpa told tonight?好吧还记得今晚外公讲的那个笑话吗That - that happened.确确实有这么回事That...That was true,那是真的So, you were arrested naked?这么说你真裸着被抓过I wasn*t naked!我没裸And I was not arrested per se.而且我本身也没有被抓I was driven home one night by the police我只是有天晚上被警车送回家because my boyfriend and I而这是因为我和我男友had gone swimming in somebody s pool, 没带泳衣and we didn't have bathing suits and -- blah, blah. blah.就跑去别人的水池里游泳等等等等The details areiVt important.细节不重要What matters is that everybody at school was talking about it.关键在于学校里每个人都在谈论这件事And I thought I would die.我当时以为自己死定了But it passed.不过这事儿也就这么过去了I swear.我发誓And now, honey, Fm - Em glad it happened.而现在宝贝我很高兴有这么回事Fvc got a funny story to tell at dinner parties.这让我在晚宴时有笑料可说So, how long did it take before you thought it was funny?那你花了多久才觉得这事儿有趣的Oh, god…老天10J5 years.十到十五年吧Great. What do I do about tomorrow?好极了我明天怎么办I don't think you have to worry about that.我认为你不需要担心这个Go, go, go.去吧去吧In Colombia, we kiss for everything,在哥伦比亚我们常常亲吻because a kiss can mean so many different things.因为一个吻可以有辣么多涵义Thcres no ghost in here, is there?这儿没鬼吧Not a chance.当然没Sleep easy, kid.睡个好觉孩子It can be the start of something new.它可能素一个全新的开始It can be how wc say, "This is the person that I love.H也可能素我们说"这是我的爱人”的方式So who's a better kisser, me or your dad?谁吻功更高我还是你老爸Ew.恶［与“你”音相近］It can be romantic,也可能会很浪漫Just so you know, if my friends weren't there,只是想告诉你要是我朋友不在那儿的话I would've said yes.我会答应你的So, if you still want to...所以要是你还愿意的话If it's okay...要是可以的话Maybe we should hang out more first.或许我们应该先多约会几次This is only the second conversation we've had 毕竟这是我们除了短信之外that wasiVt by text.第二次说话It can also be worth waiting for,也可能会值得等待Jay, what is this?杰这是什么Just another nice thing I did for you 不过是你要我的时候while you made a fool of me,我为你做的另一件好事罢了Manny let me in on your little tricks.曼尼把你的小把戏都告诉我了You feel bad now?你现在不爽了吗No. I feel good.不我感觉灰常好That one is definitely my favorite.那照片绝对是我的最爱PhiL you really don*t have to do this,菲尔你真的不必这么做No. I-I can do it. I wanna do it.不我能做到我想这么做It's silly to pay someone else just to do something --花钱请人来做这个真是太蠢了Oh, no! Oh!哦不Oh. wait; No, no, don't spill it!等等别别千万别洒出来Sweetie, doiVt spill that!亲爱的别把它洒出来Oh, that's on me!你弄我身上去了Careful! Oh. gosh!小心点我的天啊Okay, get up. You're fine.没事的站起来你没事的-Get it off! - Okay. I got it.-把它弄掉-好的我来弄I got it. Got it off. Got it off.我来弄脱掉了脱掉了-Oh, the face! - Not the face!-我的脸-没弄你的脸-Oh. the face! - AH right,・我的脸-看到了I'll pull it down! You're good!我会帮你擦掉的你没事的All right, I'm gonna have to 好吧我得去-It's on me.-I'll cut it off.-弄得我一身都是-我来把衣服剪了Good idea.好主意Get a bucket, please!帮我拿个桶快点。

Oh my God, that's so freaking funny. 天啊真是笑死我了I know, right? 那是我写的嘛What? 你们在笑啥Dad just wrote another classic one. Tell her. 老爸又出品经典之作给她讲讲I don't know about "Classic," but here we go. "经典"可不敢当不过笑话是这样的I don't know about "Classic," but here we go. [此处story双关"楼层"和"故事"]"If you're looking for a two-story house," "如果您想买一幢双层小楼""I'm your man." "那可真找对人了""I'll tell you one story before you buy it" "我会在您付款之前讲第一个故事""and then another story after." "付款之后再讲一个"No, you didn't! 哈哈太经典了Tonight is the S.C.A.R.B.. 今晚是S.C.A.R.B.之夜The Southern California Annual Realtor's Banquet. 南加州房产经纪人年度宴会I think they know what it is. 我猜他们应该知道这个吧It's the mother of all 这可是其他所有residential-real-estate banquets. 住宅地产类宴会的鼻祖Now, for the last five years, Gil Thorpe has hosted, 过去五年来这宴会都是吉尔·索普在主持but as luck would have it, 但凑巧的是he's having a sketchy-looking polyp remove. 他最近在做一个很恶心的息肉切除手术So they've asked me to..."Phil in." 所以他们就来找我说 "菲尔上"So they've asked me to..."Phil in." ["Phil in"套用"fill in" 后者意为替补上场]- See what I did? - Oh, yeah. -你听出笑点没 -当然"Phil." "菲尔[同音词Fill]"You think I should open with that? 我可以用这个作开场白吗You betcha. You should. 当然了这还用问吗Phil is gonna bomb. 菲尔一定会颜面扫地It's not that he's not fun. He is so fun. 不是说他不幽默他很自娱自乐He's just not funny. 只是他的笑话都太冷了It's probably my fault, 在这一点上我也有责任because I laugh at all of his jokes. 因为他开口我必笑With my mouth not with my eyes. 皮笑肉不笑"I see the great realtor Margaret Wilson is here,""我看到优秀的房产经纪人玛格丽特·威尔逊来了""looking more curvaceous than ever." "看上去比以往更加丰满迷人""Talk about your balloon payments." "说你那一屁股的债呢“"Talk about your balloon payments." [balloonpayment指分期付款中最后一笔较大金额的付款]Gloria, do we have to keep 歌洛莉亚我们一定要留着这盘this Colombia/Brazil soccer game? 哥伦比亚对战巴西的足球赛录像带吗Yes, I haven't seen it yet. 是滴我一直都没看完这场It's been sitting in there for five months. 这录像已经录好五个月了I mean, I can tell you who wins. 我是说我可以告诉你谁赢了And what about this two-hour 那这盘两个小时的"Antiques roadshow"? 《古董路演》节目录像带又是怎么回事"Antiques roadshow"? [古董路演] 美国一档电视鉴宝节目I'll watch it today. 我今天想把它看掉Fine. I'm gonna play some golf. 好吧那我要去打高尔夫了No. What about Mirabel's daughter's Quinceanera? 不行你还要参加米拉贝尔的女儿的成年礼呢No. What about Mirabel's daughter's Quinceanera? 拉美女孩十五岁生日要盛大庆祝以示其成年I honestly didn't get any of that. 完全不知道你在讲神马Mirabel. She works for you. 米拉贝尔是你的员工Okay. 好吧然后呢Her daughter, Rosalba, is celebrating her Quinceanera, 她女儿罗莎芭今晚要举行成人礼her 15th birthday. 这是她的十五岁生日She invited us. You just going to ignore it. 她邀请了咱俩但你完全无视了Of course not. I get this all the time. 我才没有我一直都记得这码事I throw it on my secretary's desk, 我把这事丢给我秘书了and she sends them an Omaha steak. 她给了他们一份奥马哈牛排当礼物- Ay, Jay. - What?! -唉杰 -咋了Manny's right. 曼尼说得对The Quinceanera is very important in the Latin Culture.女孩的成年礼在拉丁文化中是灰常重要滴The moment the father dances with his little princess. 作父亲的要带着他的小公主翩翩起舞Ay, I remember my own father holding my hand. 我还记得我爸爸拉着我滴手跳舞的时候There wasn't a dry eye in the cartel. 在场滴人无不内牛满面But these people don't want me there. 但那些人不会欢迎我去参加的See, they're just being polite. 明白吗他们只是客气一下I'm the boss. 我是他们的头儿That's what you tell yourself 你这是自欺欺人so you can stay above them. 你就是骑在人民头上作威作福You just throw them an "Obama" Steak 你就扔给他们一个什么"奥巴马"牛排and run to the golf course. 然后就打你的高尔夫去了I'm not trying to stay above them. 我可没有高高在上I just don't think 我只是不想I have to go all "arriba, arriba" with them. 去他们那什么"叽里呱啦"的事儿里凑热闹- Because you're better than them? - No, of course not. -因为你比他们都强 -当然不是I mean, I'm better than some of them. 我是说我只比其中一些人强点而已Do you even know these people, Jay, hmm? 乃根本都不认识这些人对不对杰Or they're just the backs you step on? 还是说他们根本就只是乃的垫脚石I know you like to make me out as an elitist, 我知道你不肯承认我是一枚杰出人士but the truth is, I'm close with these people. 但事实上我相当亲民Then prove it. Just go to the party. 那就去参加成人礼证明给我看Fine. One hour. You drive. 好吧只去一个小时你来开车'Cause I don't want to give my valet ticket to the wrong guy, 因为我怕把泊车卡给错人have you all over me. 这样你就又能唠叨我了Ay, Jay. 唉杰Where do you keep popping out from?! 你到底都是从哪儿钻出来的So, Cam has started working out again, 小卡现在又开始健身了which is -- it's -- it's great. 这是这真的是件好事He's feeling good about himself, 瘦身可以让他自我感觉更加良好and I want him to be healthy, 而我只想让他健健康康的So it is all good. 所以这本来是天大的好事Except for one thing. 只可惜有一件事Knock, knock. 当当当Look who's there. 看看谁来了Maybe there's a person in this world 或许世界上真的有人who looks good in bike shorts. 能把单车热裤穿得好看But my boyfriend is not that person. 但我男人肯定不是其中之一And I-I can't tell him because he gets incredibly sensitive 可我不能告诉他因为但凡影射到他体型about even the tiniest comment concerning his physique.哪怕最不经意的一句话都能让他飙从中来Hey, I think I'm gonna take this spin class tomorrow morning. 嘿我明天早上想去上一节动感单车课Oh, sure. 哦去吧Oh, I get it. Message received. 哦好吧我明白你的意思了I didn't say anything! 我啥也没说啊I didn't say anything! 《摩登家庭》第二季第四集Okay, can't you just run like a normal person? 拜托你就不能像正常人一样跑跑步吗What? It's troga. 你说啥我在做跑珈It's what? 这是啥You never heard of troga? 你连"跑珈"都木有听过I hate it when you do that. 我真的很讨厌你这种口气What? 啥口气"You've never heard of troga?" "你连跑珈都不知道吗""You never tried octopus?" "你连章鱼都没尝过吗""You never did this amazing thing" "你就连那么有趣的事都不知道吗""I just discovered yesterday "我也是昨天才知道but I pretend like I've done my whole life?" 但非得装成自己像是一出生就知道一样" So, troga is treadmill yoga. 总之 "跑珈"是指在跑步机上做瑜伽It's de rigueur. 这可是社交之中必备的哦It's de-dorky. 我看是蠢蛋社交必备吧What is your deal today? 你今天吃火药了I'm sorry. Phil is hosting that thing tonight, 不好意思菲尔今晚要去主持宴会and -- and he's been writing jokes. 他现在正憋在家里写段子呢Ooh, yikes. 哎呀I know. 我就知道And I'm worried he's gonna humiliateself 我真的很担心in front of all those important people. 他会在那些大人物面前丢脸I can't say anything because -- 可是我又不能跟他直说No, no. I get it. I get it. I get it. 不用讲了我了解了Because it would hurt him even more coming from you. 因为你的打击会令他倍感沮丧Yeah. 没错You know, I'm kind of going through something similar 其实我和小卡现在的处境with Cam right now. 跟你俩的有点像- Why? - He's started exercising again. -你们咋了 -他又开始健身了Well, that's good for him. 这是好事呀Yeah. He's wearing bike shorts. 没错但他一直穿着单车热裤健身That's bad for you. 你肯定很郁闷And I'm the last person who can say anything, 而我又是最不能跟他说实话的那个人- because he's... - Yeah. -因为他实在 -我懂Okay, wait. No, no. All right. 诶等等不是我有主意了You know the movie "Strangers On A Train"? 你看过电影《火车怪客》吗You know the movie "Strangers On A Train"?电影《火车怪客》为希区柯克1951年导演的悬疑片Hm, I never saw it. 呃我没看过You've never seen "Strangers On A --" 你连《火车怪客》都没...I'm sorry. Great film. 我错了牛片But it's these guys 片中有两个人who both discover that they want someone out of their lives. 都想杀死自己身边的某人Uh-huh. 然后呢So one of the guys proposes the perfect crime. 然后其中一个人想了一个完美的杀人计划They will do each other's murders. 他们去替对方杀人We should do that. 我们也应该这样做All right, 好吧你是说so I would tell Cam to lose the bike shorts? 由我来告诉小卡丢掉那条蠢裤子Keeping me out of it. 假装跟我无关And I tell Phil to lose the jokes. 我去弄停菲尔的笑话I like it. I'm in. 我喜欢这主意我加入-All right!- I am in! -太好了 -我加入Hey, Mackenzie. Stop it. It's Alex. 嘿麦肯齐等等我是艾丽克斯Hey, so I was thinking later we'd -- 我想我们等会Oh, no. Whatever you want. 不用你想怎样都行Call me later! 等会儿打给我Or I'll call you later, or -- 或者我等会打给你或者So, who's Mackenzie? 麦肯齐是谁You don't know her. 你不认识她Oh, I know Mackenzie. 我当然知道麦肯齐Cute. Popular. 漂亮受人欢迎I am Mackenzie. 我就是麦肯齐I invented Mackenzie. 我简直就是麦肯齐的鼻祖And the way she's making my sister run around... 而她把我妹耍的团团转的样子It's -- it's kind of funny, but... 还真蛮好玩的不过I can't have it. It's bad for the family. 我受不了家人为重What are you doing? I was about to call -- 你干嘛呢我正要打电话给Mackenzie? Yeah, I know. 麦肯齐我知道Now shut up and let me help you. 现在闭上你的嘴让我来帮你The world is divided into two groups -- 这个世界有两种人cool girls and girls like you. 酷女孩儿和像你这样的女孩儿And you have been given a rare opportunity 而你正有一个千载难逢的机会to move from the former to the latter. 能够从前者变为后者The latter to the former. 是从后者变为前者吧Whatever. Oh, my god. You're such a geek. 管它呢天啊你还真够二的Now, do you want to be smart, or do you want to be popular?你现在是想要聪明还是要受人欢迎I think I want to be popular. 我想要受人欢迎Of course you do. 你当然想啦You just can't be so obvious about it. 但你不能表现的太明显You've given Mackenzie way too much power, 你给麦肯齐太多主动权了and you need to take some of that power back. 你自己得拽起来It's her. 是她的Give me the phone. 把电话给我Here's what you're gonna say -- 你就这么说"Hey, Mackenzie. I'm busy. Call me back later." 麦肯齐我很忙等会儿你再打来- Then you hang up.- No way! -然后你就挂断 -绝对不行Then you're not getting the phone back. 那你就再也拿不回这手机了Just give it to me. 把它给我"Hey, Mackenzie. I'm busy. 麦肯齐我很忙Call me back later." Then you hang up. 等会儿你再打来然后你就挂断- I can't. - Do it. -我做不到 -就这么做- No! - Do it! -不行 - 就这么做Okay! Damn you. 好吧去你的Hey, Mackenzie. I'm busy. Call me back later. 麦肯齐我很忙等会儿你再打来That was hard. 太难了If it was easy, everyone would be popular. 要是容易的话谁都能受人欢迎了Knock knock! 有人敲门啦Come on in! It's open! 进来吧门没关I just wanted to drop off these old baby clothes for Lily. 我带了些旧的童装来给莉莉Oh, that's right. You're so sweet. 好的你人太好了I hope I didn't come at a bad time. 我希望自己来的别不是时候Not at all. 一点也不I was just deciding where to take Lily for our bike ride -- 我正考虑要带莉莉去哪儿骑车呢The lake or the park. 湖边还是公园I'm leaning towards the park. 我比较倾向于去公园I can see that. 我看得出来You didn't have to do that. 你太客气了You guys are a touch old class. 你们还真是传统- Well, it is a big night for you, so. - French. -今晚对你很重要 -法国红酒Those guys. 这些家伙啊So, have you given any thought to what you might say? 那你想好要说什么了吗Oh, actually, I'm trying not to think about my act right now. 事实上我现在正努力不让自己想这事I'm kind of fighting the old butterflies, to be honest. 说实话我内心有点挣扎That's normal. 很正常I hear The Jonas Brothers get scared before every concert.我听说乔纳斯兄弟在每次演出前都会害怕Not Kevin? The guy's a rock. 凯文不会的吧那家伙可摇滚了Especially Kevin. 尤其是凯文I can't believe I ever bought this for Alex. 我真不敢相信我居然给艾丽克斯买过这个I wish somebody had said something. 我真希望当时有人能说点什么Oh, come on. That was probably cute 10 years ago. 别这样啦这衣服十年前可能很可爱呢No, no. It never was. 不不从来没有And you know -- 你知道的I'm the exact same way about my clothes. 我的衣服也是这样Most of the time, great. 大多数时候很不错But every now and again, there's that one outfit. 不过时不时的就会有那么一件例外I just wish somebody would be honest with me and say, 我真希望当时有人能对我实话实说"What you're wearing is inappropriate." 你的穿着实在是雷人哇Do you know what I mean? 你懂我意思吗I think I do, Claire. 我懂克莱尔I think I do. 我懂And my answer is yes. 我的回答是没问题Okay. 好的I would love to dress you. 我愿意给你打扮No, it -- I don't want you to dress me. 不我不想要你来帮我打扮No. 不用And...I owe it to you to be honest, 我觉得我该对你坦白so I'm just gonna say 所以我要说that you need to lose the bicycle shorts. 你得丢掉这条单车短裤Excuse me? 你说什么They're not working for you, Cam. 小卡它不适合你Please don't take this personally. 我不是在针对你I mean, nobody looks good in bike shorts. 我是说没人穿单车短裤好看的I just -- I feel that I owe it to you to be honest. 我只是我觉得我应该对你坦白So, we're good, right? 这么说我们还是好朋友对吧- We're great. - We're great. -我们非常要好 -我们非常要好- We're great. - Oh, great. -我们非常要好 -太好了Okay. 好吧You should probably just show yourself out. 或许你应该穿自己的衣让别人去说吧I hear -- I hear some crying down the hallway. 我听见我听见走廊上有哭声Look at that. That's a good dad. 瞧真是个好父亲Because you've got a baby, 因为有了孩子and you hear every little sound. 所以一丁点儿小的声音你都能听到I wouldn't have -- I wouldn't have even noticed... 要是我的话我根本就不会注意到crying. 有哭声Uh, okay. All right. 好了All you need to know about this one 你们需要知道的是is that Skip Woosnum is a well-known realtor 斯基普·乌森是个著名的房产经纪人and he's old. 而且很老了Got it. 收到Skip Woosnum. Realtor. Old. 斯基普·乌森房产经纪人老的Here we go. 开始了I'm not saying realtor Skip Woosnum is old, 我不是要说斯基普·乌森已经老了but the first property he ever sold... 不过他卖出去的第一件物业was a cave. 居然是个洞穴You're not, uh... 你没有not laughing. 没有笑Why aren't you laughing, uncle Mitchell? 你怎么不笑米奇尔叔叔'cause he doesn't think it's funny, 因为他觉得不好笑or maybe -- maybe you don't think I'm funny. 或者可能你觉得我并不搞笑Is that what you're saying, Mitch? 你是要说这些吗米奇No, it's... 不是I just got it! 我懂了我懂了Oh. Cave! 洞穴- That one's kind of a thinker. - Yes! -这个是需要点脑力 -没错没错There he is. 他也来了All right, now. 好了Knock it off, Jay. 少来了杰You don't know anyone's name here. 这儿你一个人的名字都叫不出来Are you kidding me? 你开什么玩笑Carlos! 卡洛斯Lucky guess. 运气不错I'm lucky only one turned around. 还好只有一个人回头Listen -- I need a favor. 听着我需要帮助I overestimated the number of people I know at this party. 我高估了这个派对上我认识的人数So you go around, introduce yourself, 你去到处转转做做自我介绍and I'll hear the names. 我就在旁边偷听他们叫什么You realize you're asking me 你知道你是在叫我to help prove my own mother wrong. 帮你证明我亲妈是错的I'll pay two bucks per introduction. 你每介绍一次我就给你两美金All right, well, that's Ramona. 好吧那是拉蒙纳She's crazy for bingo. 她狂爱饮烈酒Ramona. 拉蒙纳Ramona. 隔壁在干吗Ramona. 是成人礼Ramona. 又是成人礼Ramona. 这个不是成人礼Ramona. 这是订婚派对看Gloria! 歌洛莉亚Stop being such a snob. 别那么不合群了Come over and meet my friend Julio and his wife -- 过来见见我的朋友夏利奥和他的太太uh, I'm sorry. Your name again? 对不起你说你叫什么Kay? 凯I think you're really gonna hit it off with Kay! 我觉得你跟凯会很合得来的I mean, she's gonna tell me how to dress?! 我是说她要教我怎么打扮吗She ought to stick to things she knows more about, 她应该干点她更擅长的like overcooking salmon. 像是怎么把三文鱼烤焦Okay, wait. 好吧等等So, she actually said 那么她真的跟你说that you don't look good in bicycle shorts? 你穿单车裤不好看吗Yes. 是的"You don't look good in bicycle shorts". 你穿单车裤不好看Madness. 疯了Oh, and here she is. 是她Okay, you know what? I can't be here. 好吧我不能在这待着了I'm -- I'm going out for some air. 我要我要出去透透气Yes. Yes, go. This -- this could get ugly. 好的去吧我也许会跟她吵起来Hello, Claire. 你好克莱尔You are a gutless weasel. 你这个没种的家伙Oh, yeah. No. 是的不I heard what you said to my boyfriend. 我知道你跟我男人说了什么You told Phil he was hysterical! 你跟菲尔说他超搞笑的You said he was this generation's Richard Pryor! 你说他是新一代的理查德·普赖尔You said he was this generation's Richard Pryor! 理查德·普赖尔四十年代黑人喜剧演员Well, I am not the one that you need to apologize to. 你该道歉的人不是我What are you babbling about? You owe me a murder. 你在胡说什么你欠我一个谋杀Okay, Claire, I c -- I couldn't do it. 好吧克莱尔我做不来I couldn't crush Phil's dreams. 我没办法打破菲尔的美梦We had a deal. I told Cam about the bike shorts. 我们说好了的我跟小卡说单车裤的事No! No! 不不The deal was to get Cam to take off the bike shorts. 我们说好的是你让小卡脱掉那条热裤But guess what -- he is still in the stupid bike shorts. 可结果呢他还穿着那条愚蠢的单车热裤Can I call you back? 我待会打回给你好吗Turns out Cam was here the whole time, 小卡原来一直都在and he just heard everything I said. 他听到了我说的话Ooh. Did he just run into the bedroom and cry? 他跑到卧室里哭去了吗Oh, yes, 'cause that's what all gay men do. 是啊好像所有同性恋男人都这样We all dissolve into -- 我们都如此软弱Yes. That is what he did. 好吧他还真就这么做了There are challenging moments in every marriage. 每段婚姻都有一些挑战Um...having to tell your husband that he's not funny 为了你丈夫不在众人面前出丑so that he won't humiliate himself 而必须告诉他他其实一点也不搞笑has to be one of the toughest. 这绝对是最难的挑战之一了So I went a different way. 于是我就换了种方式Stop talking. 别再说了I just need some time for this wound to become a scar. 我只是需要时间来让这个伤口结疤I'm sorry I got Claire involved, 对不起我把克莱尔也扯了进来But -- and this is not a criticism, 但是我不是想批评你but sometimes you can be a little sensitive 但是有时候你对你的外型about your...appearance. 太过于敏感了Well, this is a criticism -- 这就是批评sometimes you can be insensitive about everything. 有时你对所有事情都太不敏感了I just can't -- I just feel like 我只是觉得我们的感情足够坚固our relationship's strong enough to survive a little candor. 经得起一点坦诚的考验I mean, look, you could tell me 如果我有什么让你不满意的if there's something about me you'd like to change. 你就可以直说I hate your beard. 我讨厌你的胡子Well, you had that bullet in the chamber. 你还留了这么一手I never said anything because I never wanted to hurt you... 我从来没说过是因为我不想伤害你but I've always found your beard off-putting. 但是我一直觉得你的胡子很烦人See? Hurts. 是吧小心脏疼死了吧Mitchell? 米奇尔Mitchell, get back here! 米奇尔回来What are you doing? 你在干吗I'm shaving off the beard. 我要把胡子剃了Seriously? 你认真的吗Yeah, well, the man I love doesn't like it, so off it goes. 当然我家男人不喜欢那就剃掉Well, good. 好-Good. - Great. -好的 -很好Great. Okay. 很好那好One... 一two... 二three. 三Wait! 住手The fact that you're willing to do it is enough for me. 对我来说你肯这么做已经足够了I love your beard. 我爱你的胡子I love that when you drink cappuccino, you get foam in it 我喜欢你喝卡布奇诺时会沾上奶油and when you're nervous, your little... 还有你紧张的时候hairs twitch. 你的小胡子会抖Well, you couldn't have told me before took a notch out? 你就不能在我刮掉这块之前说吗I'm sorry. I -- I -- listen. 对不起听着I know... I can be touchy about... this. 我知道我对于这个有些太敏感But you're this amazing-looking guy, and -- 但是你是个超级大帅哥I am not amazing - 我不帅Really? 是实话吗I wouldn't change anything. 我不想改变你的任何一点You should know that every day, 你要知道我每天醒来I wake up very grateful to have you in my life. 都因为我的生命中有你而心怀感激I'm the one who got lucky, handsome. 我才是幸运儿帅哥Maybe I just don't show it enough. 也许是我表达的不够Well, you can make it up to me by doing my shoulders. 你可以服务一下我的肩膀作为补偿Well, you can make it up to me by doing my shoulders. [米奇尔以为是帮他刮腋毛] Sure. 当然I meant a massage. What are you saying? 我是指按摩你在想什么Oh, Mitchell. Mitchell. 米奇尔米奇尔It's Mackenzie. 是麦肯齐Again. 又是她She wants me to come to this party she's throwing. 她想让我参加她办的派对She texted me earlier. 她之前发过短信给我You texted her back, right? 你回她短信了对吧No. 才没有I'm... 我感到proud? 孺子可教也- Tell her you'll try and come. - Right. -跟她说你会尽量抽时间去 -好And then when she says -- 然后等她说Haley... 海莉I got this. 我知道怎么做Who's this? 你是哪位Brilliant. 干的漂亮No, I didn't see it. I get a lot of texts. 不我没看到我短信太多了I have a sister. 果然是姐妹When's the party? 派对是什么时候I'll try and come. 我会尽量抽空去You know, I'm kind of busy. I have a life. 你知道我很忙的我有自己的生活You know, stuff. 有很多事做Homework. 还有作业Uh-oh. 完了I mean, not homework. 我是说作业算什么It's not work if you love it. 对于爱学习的人来说算什么呀Oh, god. Hang up. Hang up. 天啊挂掉挂掉Shut up! 闭嘴Not you, Mackenzie. 没说你麦肯齐Drop the phone and kick it over here! 赶紧把电话扔地上踢过来Um, I have to go. 我得挂电话了I-I'll call you later. 晚点我再打给你Or you call me later. 或者你打给人家也行Love you! 爱你Aah! Aah! 发花痴Aah! Aah! 跟着发花痴They were right in here! 刚才还在呢I know, and we looked everywhere, honey, 我知道我们哪都找遍了so just calm down. 要淡定Are you kidding me? "Calm down"? 淡定皆浮云In one minute, 一分钟后I'm gonna be standing up there like... 我就要上台了就像一个like a... 像个Oh, my God. I have no material at all. 天哪我词穷了Okay. You're gonna be fine. You don't need jokes. 没事你一定行的你不需要准备笑话的Listen to me, honey. 听我说亲爱的Get up there. Be your charming self. 走上台去展现自己迷人的那面Make the introductions from your heart, and get out. 发自肺腑地来个自我介绍You're gonna -- You're gonna be amazing, okay? 你会表现得很犀利的好吗Phil Dunphy. 菲尔·邓菲Go. Go. 上吧上吧Good evening. 各位晚上好I would not be here tonight 我今天之所以if not for the hard work 能够站在这里讲话of the S.C.A.R.B. Board of trustees... 多亏了南加州房产经纪人董事会的大力支持I didn't have my jokes. 我的笑话没了What choice does a guy have but to play it straight? 除了直抒胸意以外还有别的选择吗...the support of my family, 来自家庭的支持and Gil Thorpe's colon. 以及吉尔·索普的结肠But Phil Dunphy is no straight guy. 不过菲尔·邓菲可不是那种直抒胸意的人So many giants of residential real estate here tonight. 今晚在坐的有这么多地产经纪业的巨匠And, of course, J.J. McCubbin. 当然还有小小约翰麦克宾I'm not saying J.J. is small, 我不是说小小麦是个头矮小but in the realty section, he was described as "Charming." 但在房地产业界他被描述为犀利哥Mark Simon, you out there? 马克·西蒙你在吗There's Mark. How are you, buddy? 马可在那你好吗伙计Mark recently moved into a new model. 马可最近住进了一套新的样板房How are you, Francine? 过得如何家庭妇男I kid, Mark Simon. I kid, Mark Simon. 我开玩笑的马克·西蒙You know that. 你懂的Trancito, Little Manuel, and Carlos, my wife, Gloria. 特兰西科小马努还有卡洛斯这是我妻子歌洛莉亚Nice to meet you. 幸会We have to talk. 我们得谈谈Un momento. 失陪下Mm. 好的You know, I -- 我知道吗我I can't believe you never met them. 真不敢相信你完全没印象You've never met any of these people. 你从没接触过这里的任何人You don't know anyone in this room. 这房间所有的人你都不认识Vamos, Jay. 走吧杰I'm not leaving before the father/daughter dance. 要走也要在父女共舞后再走And "These people," As you call them, 此外你所谓的这些人are not just employees. 不仅仅是雇员They're mi familia, or "My family." 是个大家庭或者称为家人I know what "Mi familia" is, Jay. 我懂我的母语杰Oh, I was afraid of this. 他说的我可听不懂Oh, I was afraid of this. 此时此刻有请准新郎上台No. Jay. No. 别去杰Thank you. Thank you. 谢谢你Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you very much. 女士们先生们非常感谢你们I'm gonna make this brief. 我简单说几句I know a lot of you out there don't even know who I am.我知道你们中的大部分人甚至不知道我是谁As my lovely wife, Gloria, pointed out, 正如我的爱妻歌洛莉亚所指出的那样That's my fault, not yours. 错不在你们在我I'm Jay Pritchett, 我是杰·普里契特El jefe. 你们的老板Listen -- on this very, very happy occasion, 听着在如此欢乐的时刻I'd like to pick up the tab on the bar. 今天我请客You know, when I started this company... 你们知道吗在我建立公司之初...the first thing that I -- 我所的第一件事What? 怎么Oh, right. Right, now. Good. Yeah. 对了很好是的现在This is not about me. 今晚我不是主角This is about a very special young lady 主角是一位非常出众的年轻女士And the man who loves her more than anyone else on earth. 以及一位世上最爱她的男人Isn't that lovely? 多温馨啊That's a beautiful, beautiful thing. 那是件多有爱的事情啊You know, I'm reminded 你们知道吗这让我想起了of when I used to dance with my little girl. 当初我和我的小宝贝一起跳舞But not like that. 不过不是像这样Slow down, there, muchacho. 悠着点男孩No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 别别别别别昏昏昏昏昏昏What, are you applauding this? You're applauding this? 难道你们在为此喝彩吗你们在为此鼓掌吗I don't care what kind of tradition this is. 我才不管这是哪门子传统This is gonna stop. Hey, hey, hey, hey. No! 给我停下听到没停下No! What? What? Am I the only one seeing this?! 什么难道只有我目睹这一幕吗V-v-vamos! 我们I mean, honey, I am not kidding when I tell you 亲爱的我很认真的告诉过你There was a woman next to me gasping for breath. 坐在我旁边的那个女人都笑岔气了Seriously, you were so freaking funny, Phil. 真的菲尔你太搞笑了I have seen professional comedians 我有看过专业喜剧演员的演出Who could never have done that. 也没有如此笑开了锅You were unbeliev-- 你真是一直被模仿从未被超越啊。

Okay, okay.Here she comes!Happy mother's day...oh!What are you wearing?You don't remember this shirt?You made it for me for mother's day in kindergarten.- It's adorable. - It's perverted.It looks like you were felt up- By that creepy guy around the coner. - Ew! Why him? 'cause he's got, like, freakishly tiny hands.Thank you!I cannot believe you kept that shirt.Of course I kept it. I'm your mother.I keep everything you make me.Please take that off.Oh, when I'm dead.Today is my special day,And I am gonna enjoy me some coffee.- You know that's a pencil holder, right? - Oh, I do now. Go first.- No, you can go first. - Manny, go first!No, Jay, you go first.Ah, somebody give me a present!Oh, Jay, a diamond necklace!Thank you!You deserve it.Go ahead, kid.Happy mother's day, mom.A necklace made of the froot loops!I love it!I know they're not exactly diamonds, mom.No, they're beautiful.You know what? I got a confession to make.Those aren't real diamonds. No.Here, give them back. I'll get you some real ones later.Dang it. Now I got to come clean.These aren't real froot loops. They're generic.Now I have no presents again.Good morning!Hey, what's this?Well, I know you've had some late nights with Lily,And this is just my way of saying "Thank you" And "I love you." Oh, thank you.And this is just the beginning.Yeah, 'cause today is your day.Today?All day.Today. Today is my day.Something's happening.- It mother's day, Mitchell. - So?You're bringing me breakfast in bed on mother's day.Okay, no, no, this is not a mother's day breakfast.This is breakfast that happens to be on --You think of me as Lily's mother!- I'm your wife! I'm a woman!! - What?Honestly, I'm a little offended that he accused me of that. I'm acally very sensitive to that issue.Like I would ever treat my partner as a woman. Somebody got new curtains.Well, Mrs. Pritchett loves to shop.Oh, we're never gonna be done by 6:00.Better call home.The wife's not gonna like this.Sometimes I think he just wants to be mad at me.- I can't eat! - Okay, you know what?If you can't accept the nice gesture,Then just forget it.Okay, scratch the balloons. She is in a mood.更多影视更新请登陆 更多影视更新请登陆 更多影视更新请登陆 更多影视更新请登陆 更多影视更新请登陆 更多影视更新请登陆 I asked claire what she wanted for mother's day,And she said, "Take a hike."It's not like that.She's -- she's just bananas for walking around in nature. Um, so, she and -- and gloriaAre taking the kids up the canyonUm,and jay and I are, uh, throwing on the apronsAnd preparing a mother day feast.It's...It's gonna be fun.I know you want to leave me- But I refuse to -- - We're not doing that.You know there are coyotes in these woods?Did you pack a weapon?I have a walking stick.Does it become a sword?I guess it could become a running stick.All right, you're gonna outrun a coyote?The fastest mammal in the world?I'm not sure that's true.And how are you gonna fend them off with a popsicle stick? It's a spear.And it smells like lemon-lime,A flavor coyotes hate.Where are you getting your information?How much farther?Well, I'd like to go far enoughthat we can't still see our car in the parking lot.I'm getting dust in my mouth.- You have to appreciate nature. - Yes.Soon, this will be the mall.- I'll come then. - I'm hungry.I say we eat what we kill.你Oh, then I guess we'll be eating the mood.I don't get you at all.I know.Oh, is that the party over there?I don't know. I'm a woman, remember?I have a terrible sense of direction.May I remind you that my big crimewas making you fluffy pancakes, okay?I'm getting a little sick of you dwelling on this.It happens to be Mother's Day, not Martyr's Day. Mitchell.I'm sorry. It's just a sensitive issue for me. Okay.There's nothing gays hate more than when people... - treat us like women. - Treat us like women.We're not.We don't want to go to your baby shower.We don't have a time of the month.We don't love pink.Well, you love pink.- No, pink loves me. - Okay.- Hey, guys! - Hey! So...That's Jen, husband Rick, baby Diego.I don't get it either.Hey, Jen. Let me help you with that.Rick! How you doing?We should do play group on weekends more often.It's nice to have the husbands around to help, right?Oh, yeah, because that makes all the sense in the world -- You as the husband.Stop it. That's not what she meant.Look at us. I could snap you like a twig.Okay, every once in a while you say that thing about the twig, - And I need you to know that it bothers me. - Sorry. Okay, everybody. Happy Mother's Day!I know I speak for all the guyswhen I say thank you for everything you dowhile we're off having affairs.I'm kidding. I'll pay for that later.Uh, let's get the moms and kids together for a picture!No, let's go. Let's get out of here.Leave the stroller and run.Cam, stop. No one's going to ask you to --Cameron, get on up here.I don't know. You guys just go ahead.- You're an honorary mom! - Oh, I don't know.Uh, okay, all right.- Unhand me. - Get over there.That's -- that's...Okay, tighten up, tighten up.Up here, ladies!Beautiful. One more, gals.Oh, thanks, ladies. Thanks so much. Perfect. Great. Okay.Yeah, that was definitely poison oak.I think this rash is spreading.Manny, that's not a rash.It's red because you scratch it.I just don't want my throat to close.Wouldn't be the worst thing.I'm so bored, I'd rather be reading.I'm so bored, I chewed the last bugthat flew in my mouth just to feel something.I'm so bored, I'm talking to you.Ugh! Okay!For the last 20 minutes,all you people have done is whine!You would think on mother's day, at least,You would have something nice to say ---Shh! - What?Thought I heard a coyote. Go ahead.God, Luke, you're such an idiot.At least I don't look like an idiot.- What does that mean? - Your hat.It's like you walked under a bird that poops ugly hats. Can we watch the language?There's nothing else to watch.Enough complaining!You can't bitch all daybecause you're not at the beach all day.Come on.No. No, no.I-I'm giving myself a mother's day present.Kids, your hike is over.- Yes! - Yeah!No! No, not happy.- Bad. Sad. - Mm.Gloria and I are gonna go finishthis beautiful hike together while you sit hereand think about how selfish and thoughtless you've been. Come on.If we're thoughtless, how can we think?You just lost your water.Let's go.What the hell are those?Onion goggles. No more tears when I cook.Welcome to the 21st century. You should get a pair.I was gonna suggest the same thing.Hey, Jay, you know what we should put in this?- We should add a da-- - No.It's my mom's recipe.What it says on the page goes in the pot.Nothing more, nothing less.Now, how long do I stir the beef and sausages?Read it to me.You should stir the beef and sausages for five minutes. And how much longer do I have to listento the Julia Child Impression?to the Julia Child Impression?For as long as it's still funny.I think the timer just went off on that.That was unnecessary.What's this?What?!Hey, Jay, maybe after this,we should make "the perfect mom."All we need is "a tablespoon of love, 1 cup of warmth, add one heart, softened."What the hell are you talking about?This recipe for the perfect mom,by Jay Francis Fritchett, age nine.Geez, I forgot all about that.I didn't know she had that in there.What's that, Francis?Nothing.How much longer on the meat?I love the part about "serves one small boy."That's adorable."175 pounds of tenderness."She must have loved that. Big woman?Jay?And that's when I saw it.Jay...Are...- Are you crying? - No!It's the onions, damn it. Give me these.What are you lookin' at?Nothing.Those really frame your face.Beautiful.Ay, thank you.Okay, I don't want you to judge me,but I have to say something.Sometimes, I want to punch my kids.- You don't mean that. - No, I do. I do.The last time they were horrible the way they were today, They happened to be all lined up.And I couldn't help but think,"If I hit just one of them,the rest would go down like dominos."I know.That would rob me of the pleasureof hitting each one individually, but...Oh, my god, you don't talk about your children this way.Oh, come on. You know Manny irritates you.No. Manny is the best thing that ever happened to me.We have a special bond.Yes, bonds. I know.but that's not what I'm talking about now.Claire, for a long time,it was only the two of us.I cannot say anything bad about that boy.Give me a break, Gloria!Anybody who's ever had a kid knowsthat they can irritate the freaking lifeout of you at some point.Am I right?Oh. Okay.He's persnickety.- What? - Manny.He's persnickety. It drives me up the wall.Okay, persnickety. Good start.He follows me around all the time.Sometimes I love it,but sometimes I need my own space.This does not make you a bad mother to admit these things. And the poetry. It's not very good.Ah. First time that I say that out loud.Okay.It's not very good!I-I love Manny, but, you know, sometimes I --Just be a boy!Go outside. Kick a ball. Steal something.It feels so good!Maybe to you.No, Manny! Ay!I was talking about another Manny that I know long time ago! Diablo!Manny!You know, more people have died hikingthan in the entire civil war?Ok, what book did you read that in?Book?Wake up and smell the internet, grandma.You know mom's just gonn want us to apologize.Well, we did kind of ruin her mother's day.No, she ruined her mother's day.She took us to a placeshe knew we wouldn't like.And then we complain for like a second,and we're the bad guys?That's a good point.You ever get the feeling she does this intentionally?Why would she do that?- So she can make us feel guilty. - Exactly.And the next time we're choosing what to do,she gets her way again.And the next time and the next time.And eventually, it's mother's day every day.Wow. Mom's really smart.Well, not smarter than me.Well...I say we don't apologize this time,Let her know we're onto her little game.We could change the way this whole family operates. Okay, so nobody says they're sorry.Got it? Keep your mouths shut when she comes back. If she comes back.Jay teared up in front of me.He'd never shown me that kind of vulnerability,and it embarrassed him.I'd shamed the proud lion.Only thing to do......hug the proud lion.Oh, I could get bit.I could get scratched.But you know what's inside every lion?A pussycat.I need you to get away from me.Yep.Okay, I'm just gonna say this one timeso we can move on.- It's okay. - Gotcha.You -- you know what "It" is?It's you crying.- Which I didn't. - You teared up.It was the onions.Okay, okay.Maybe I'm -- maybe I'm just putting myself in your place, but if I came across something from my childhood,and it reminded me of my mom, I might get a little misty, maybe even want to talk about it.Here.So proud.They offered me a bouquet, Mitchell.Which you accepted.Why can't you ever take my side?They think of me as a woman!Cam, no, come on.We're just a new type of family, you know?They don't have the right vocabulary for us yet.They need one of us to be the mom.So why does it have to be me?Do I wear a dress?That's a nightshirt!It's kind of satiny.What are you saying?Come on, you know.No. No, no, no. I don't know.All right, if I'm thinking about it,of the two of us, if I had to pick,I might say that you're slightly...Mom-er.Excuse me. Can you throw that ball?Can I throw a ball?- You don't think I can throw a ball? - Cam- No, no, no. - That's not what he said.No, apparently, this gentlemandoesn't think I can throw a ball.Oh, that's not what he said.You think I can't throw a ball? Well, let's find out!Oo god. He looks old.Oh, sorry!Cam, hands.Sorry!There you go.Manny, I didn't mean any of it.Please forgive me!I don't think I can. Let's just get in the van.Oh. Sorry for the rhyme.I know how you "hate my poetry."Please, stop my suffering!Say something terrible about meso that we can be even like steven.Why would I say something terrible to someone I love?I curse my tongue!I'm gonna intervene here.Manny, let's talk about what really happened, okay?Your mom said you should go out and throw a ball around. That can't be the first time you've heard that.No. But there was some hurtful stuff said about my poetry. Which your mom regrets.I do!So? That's what parents are for.Sometimes they criticize because it helps make you stronger. Kids these days get trophies just for showing up.What's that gonna lead to?A bunch of 30-year-olds living at home.Manny, your mom loves you very much.But she's a human being.So she let off a little steam.Honestly, it's probably a great thing for your relationship.- I guess I can - Stop.He needs to know the real truth.Manny, Claire was feeling badbecause she wants to hit her own children,So I tried to make her feel betterby inventing terrible things about you.You mean you don't have a problem with my poetry?No, the only problem that I haveis that I never have enough of it.You're the perfect kid in every way.Ay, mi amorWow. That's healthy.Good. You're back.Are we done?Unless the you have something to sayto the person who gave you life on her special day.- Nope. - I'm good.My baby, Luke?No.Here. What's this?Well, it's a mother's day card.And I know -- stop it! Okay.Cam, that was Gloria's card from MannyBut I just wanted you to seewhat its definition for "Mother" was on it.It's warm, nurturing, supportive.You know, maybe when the world sees you as a mom -- Not just the world.Fine. Fine. Me too.But maybe this is what we're seeing,And I don't know why that's such a bad thing.It certainly doesn't make you less of a man, right?- Maybe you're right. - Yeah.Come on, let's join the party.And, Cam, put down the scotch.You're not fooling anyone.It is so burn-y. Oh, my god.Come on, people! Everybody to the table!It's just hard, you know?Having your mother's day ruined.I never thought it would be you, Lucas.Don't even think about it.But she's sad.Sad she's losing.She just hit you with her best shot.We need to stay strong.- But I feel-- - Don't feel!Just go splash water on your face and man up! We're your mother now.How was your day with my dad? Awkward, actually.He, um... He cried a little.- My dad?! - Shh!- Dad what? - He cried.No, I didn't say he cried.- Who cried? - My dad. - Stop!Why would you make Jay sob like that?I didn't make him sob.He teared up when I found this poemhe wrote for his mom as a boy.- What is "Ohh"? - Phil saw dad cry.Jay misses his mama.- Everybody, stop! - Is anybody hungry?- What? - You cried for your mommy?Oh, crap. I did not.Yes, Phil just told us--No, that's not true. She's a liar.What's wrong with you?Look, I know you would all be so happyif you thought I had some big emotional moment about my mom, but I didn't.So you don't miss your mom?Of course I do. She was a great lady.And she also left me a fantastic recipe for sauce, which now is getting cold.So can we please eat?- Hear, hear! - Just grab some wine.Oh, my Gosh, smell that.It smells like grandma's house.Hey, you guys remember that?I remember the first time I cut spaghetti.- Eh-eh! - That's what she did! Eh-eh!Yeah, no, you can't cut spaghetti.She taught me to twirl.Oh, so she's the one.Yeah, she was tough.I remember I had this little league coach.And one time after a game,he was laying into me about something.I don't remember.But mom comes charging out of the stands.She goes right up to the guy --I mean, face to face, nose to nose --And she says to him, "Let me tell you something -- "Nobody, and I mean nobody,"Yells at my littleBoy."Oh, my god! It's happening again!It's okay, Jay. Let it out.- Let it out. - You only get one mom.I'm sorry, mom!Me too!A bottle of red, a bottle of -- what?!Oh, yeah, and I'm the weak one.Mitchell?Oh, I'm good.Phil!- Dad! - Come on, honey!I'm sorry.- Ew, get off of me! - I'm sorry!Dada!Oh, I think she's calling you.Don't even try.I have that pottery class in the morning. Jay, let's go to bed.Be right up.Son of a bitch.。

Mom. The dog again.I know baby. I want to strangle that crazy old thing. Just ignore it.It's easy for you to ignorebecause you have the old-man hearing.But Manny and I -- we have the young ears.I don't get how one dog keeps you awakewhen you grew up sleeping throughcockfights and revolutions.Mm-hmm. Very funny, Jay.Manny hasn't been able to sleep in weeks.It's screwing his brain for school.And it doesn't stop.It goes on and on and on and on and on and on- and on and on and on. - Yes, that could be annoying. That's it. I'm going over there.Gloria, now, don't go starting somethingbecause whenever you do, I'm the one that --That she couldn't hear.They're gone. Cam.All the children are gone.What children?I was running in the park,and I noticed that none of the kidsLily usually plays with were there.- Well, it's still early. - But then I ran into Lori.Boobs Lori or adult-braces Lori?- Great-shoes Lori. - Oh, I like her.And she said that they all sent their kids to preschool. What?! We agreed to wait till next year.It was a fake-out to make sure that their kids got a spot. Those skinny bitches.We have got to get her into school, Cameron,or else she's gonna fall behind.Don't you think I know that?This is perfect.Oh, leave it to the gaysto raise the only underachieving Asian in America.to raise the only underachieving Asian in America. Okay, here you go.Guys, breakfast.Guys. Phil. Hello.Totally with you.Kids, put your dishes in the dishwasher.Okay, no. That's it.Everybody, gadgets down now!Why are you freaking out?Because you're all so involved with your little gizmos, nobody is even talking.Families are supposed to talk.What are you doing that's so important?Oh, I'm locking in my fantasy roster.I'm unbeatable.We're totally getting an aboveground pool. Die, stupid, die!Luke, I told you to put that down now.Come on, buddy.One second. I'm about to beat dad's record. You heard your mother.What is so funny?Nothing."Mom's insane." Thank you, Haley.At least we talk.Hello.Hey, it's me. What's a good preschool?Uh, well, our kids went to Wagon Wheel.And it was good? You liked it?Oh, well, you know my kidsare middle-management material at best.Didn't want to waste a lot of money --Yes, Mitchell, it's good.Why the interest?I just realized that all of Lily's friendsare going to school this year, and now she's late. Don't worry. She can wait another year.Just buy her a Blackberry,that's all she's gonna want to do anyway.What did she say?She says to buy her a Blackberry.Lily doesn't have the dexterity for that, Claire! What is happening?Can you just check with your schooland see if maybe you can get us in?Hmm. I-I can probably get you an interview. Oh, no. That's great. That's great.Thank you. I really appreciate it.Oh, and, by the way, what do you thinkof that place Billingsley Academy?Ooh. Billingsley. Very hoity-toity.You can't get in there unless you're really rich or you know somebody on the board.Oh, god, this is a nightmare.Mitch, it's preschool. Don't overthink it.My kids didn't go to Billingsley,and they are fine.I have to go.Phil.That's awesome.That's awesome.- Buenos dias. - Hi.We haven't formally met.I'm Gloria Pritchett from next door.Larry Paulson. Yeah, I've seen you. Mm. Lucky guy.Wait a minute, then tell me.Your dog doesn't stop barking.All morning, all night.He wakes my son up,and he needs his sleep.It's not my dog. It's my soon-to-be ex-wife's. She moved out three weeks ago.Is she coming back for it?Not unless it starts crapping money.Well, you need to do something about the dog. The dog is old and stupid.Who are you really mad at, Larry?The dog or your wife?Who the hell is this kid?Hey, there's no need for that.I'll tell you who he is.His name is "shut up your damn dog"!You know what's ironic?And I have never once said a wordAbout that obnoxious parrot of yoursThat's always squawking.Parrot?What parrot?Jay!Jay!Jay!What is he talking about? What parrot?How the hell do I know?So, what do we do now?Nothing. We did it. He heard us.He didn't hear nothing.Jay, don't go. Jay!Jay! Jay!Okay, we have called this family meetingBecause the personal electronics have gotten out of control. Starting today, there's going to be a one-week ban-On all cellphones, texting, -oh!Im'ing, video chatting, video-gaming,-Anything on the internet. -How am I supposed to do my homework? The way I did.With a chisel and a piece of stone.-Phil. -Can't unplug my funny bone.I have a huge science paper due.And we have a great set of encyclopedias...Somewhere.What do you think the public library is for?I thought that was a bathroom for homeless people.Can I still play plants vs. Zombies?Are you not listening?-But you learn about plants. -Mm-hmm.And plants are life.Are you against life?How am I supposed to talk to my friends?Talk to them at school.Or at a juice bar.Or on the house phone.Nobody even knows our number.I don't even know our number.So, you're saying dad's not going to go online? -Yep. -Dad?-That's right. -What about fantasy football? Not a problem. My team's set this week.I am completely on boardyour mother's horse and buggy to yesteryear. For the next week, I may as well be Amish. Jebediah Dunphy.Raising barns, witnessing murders,Making electric fireplace hearths.Oh! This is so unfair!You know what?We're gonna make this fun.Turn it into a game.Whoever stays unplugged the longest, wins. Not what I had in mind, Phil.-What do we win? -What do you want?I want a new computer.DoneWe're gonna get them off of electronicswith the promise of more electronics?-I want chicken pot pie. -And chicken.I want a car.-No way! -Done!Yeah, I'm getting a car!-Yeah, fun, right? -Phil!We cannot afford a third car.Relax. They're never gonna last as long as us.Oh, honey, don't take this the wrong way,but I have almost no faith in you.Joanie will be right out.She's just finishing up another interview.Okay. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.- You're welcome. - I really like this place.- Look at all these drawings. - I know.And did you see the duckies in the yard?- Lily loves duckies. - I know.I'm gonna mention that.Okay, well, do,because that's really gonna set her apart from the rest of the kids. We should also mentionhow she always perks up when we watch "Charlie Rose."That was one time. He was interviewing Elmo.That was one time. He was interviewing Elmo.You boys ought to relax.Oh, I'm sorry.- We just -- we really want to make a good impression. - Mm.Gay adoptive parents with a minority baby? Sugars, you can get into any school you want. What was that? Really?Oh, you didn't know that?oh, yeah.All of these schools like to brag about their diversity. You're diverse times three.In demand.You're like Jimmy Buffett ticketsYou're like Jimmy Buffett ticketsto these hybrid-driving, straight white folks.I hear that, girl.Yeah.I'm coming!Where the hell is the dog?-Who is it? -It's our neighbor.The dog is gone.Maybe it ran away.It was chained to a tree.Maybe your wife took it.According to my credit card, my wife is in europe, searching for the world's most expensive hotel. Then what do you want from us?You come over complaining about the dogAnd the next day it's gone?You tell me.-I'll tell -- -how dare you?You come to our house, you ring our bell many times, And you accuse us of taking your dog.You should go home.-We're not done here. -Yes, we are.What did you do?You don't want to know.Gloria's grandfather and uncles were butchers,so she's always had a certain comfort levelwhen it comes to...Killing.One time, we had this rat...What? First you smash it,then you cut the head off.It was like nothing to her.I go to church now.She left the head out thereTo send a message to the other rats.- Hey. - Hi, honey.How was your day at work?Amazing. Mwah.Great. What happened?Instead of wasting my lunch hour surfing the web, checking football stats,I put on some mellow music,and I meditated.Wow. For how long?I have no idea. I just woke up 20 minutes ago.Hey, mom.I need a bar of soap and a black marker for an art project. Okay. Well, the marker's over there,and the soap is under the sink.Isn't it great how much time you havenow that you're not wasting it online?Oh, my god. Is this what you always sound like?Look what I built, dad. Dunphy towers.200 condos, a happy family in every one.Way to go, buddy.I got to hand it to you, honey.24 hours without video games,he's already contributing to society.Die! Die!To be fair, he's using his imagination.There's no fire escapes!They cut corners!I'll cut your corners!Hello?Oh, hi. Luke, honey, it's for you.Hi, Griffin. How are you?Yeah, he's right here. Hold on.Hey, Griffin.- Oh, my God! - What happened?There's a parasailing-donkey video on Youtube.Oh, my god!Wait, Luke. What about the contest?I quit.I'm not made of stone, you know.Uhh! I can't believe it.I got a "B" on my paper.- Good for you. - Yeah.No, it would be good for you.It's terrible for me.Thanks to your moldy encyclopedias,my take on mitosis was completely out of date.They don't even call it protoplasm anymore.It's cytoplasm.Well, you could have asked one of us.Now you're making jokes?- I'm not making a joke. - Really?What's the difference between a gamete and a zygote? Don't fall for it, Claire.She's just making up words.That's it.I need the internet.I'm out of your stupid contest.And then there were three.She's kind of scary.We're not buying her a car.Hey, buddy, what you reading?"The old man and the sea."You like it?I like that Hemingway gets to the point.You read a lot of his stuff?That was a hint, Jay.Oh, okay.I want to ask you something...between you and me.You want to know if I think my momdid something to that dog.- Yeah. - Sit.Don't most kids drink soda?Who knows what they do?So, your mom.Jay, I've learned a few things in my 12 years.Don't skimp on linens,don't compliment a teacher on her figure,and when it comes to my mom,never ask questions I don't want the answers to.I don't buy it. Sensitive kid like you.I think you want to know every bit as much as I do. You're wrong.Then why is your hand shaking?This is my fifth one of these today.I may have a problem.Okay. That's enough.No, no, no, 4:00 tomorrow is fine.Yeah, my life partner and I will see you then.Thank -- thank you.Since when do you call me your life partner?Since a spot opened up at Billingsley Academy.But I liked Wagon Wheel. It had all the duckies.And it reminded me of where I went in Missouri. Cam, everyone goes to Billingsley for a reason --It's the Harvard of preschools.She's not even 2 years old yet.She doesn't need the Harvard of Preschools.She needs finger painting and duckies.I'm begging you to please just say "Ducks."Hello?Great news. Wagon Wheel loved you.- You're in. - Oh.Wagon Wheel wants us.Oh, yes!Okay. Well, that's great and everything,but actually we have an appointment tomorrow- At Billingsley. - Really?Yeah, apparently we are in very high demand.Oh, well, just so you know, I don't think Wagon Wheel is gonna hold a place for you.Well, I think we're gonna take our chance.Take our chance? That sounds chancy.You know, Mitchell,you were the one who called me in a panic.You were the one who needed me to get you in.I'm sorry, Claire.I didn't mean to put you out.But let's not get too dramatic here.You wrote an e-mail.It wasn't an e-mail.It was a phone call from a land line.What did you do?- What's best for Lily. - Did you?Cam, this is the first time that being gayis a competitive advantage.They're choosing teams for gym class,and we're finally getting picked first.I always got picked first.I could throw a dodgeball through a piece of plywood. But I see your point.Don't sneak up on me like that.What are you doing out here?You got in my head about my mom.Is that the rat shovel?Yeah.Are you checking it for signs of dog?I was going to.Well, let's do this quick.If she catches us,we're as dead as that dog probably is.- What are you doing here? - Nothing.Why are you looking at that shovel?Do you think someonedid something with that shovel, Manny?He thinks you killed the dog.You little rat.Don't call me a rat!She kills rats!You really think that I would kill a dog?Well, what was I supposed to think?I don't know.How about I didn't kill a dog?Just tell me what you did with it.He's in a better place.That's what people say when something's dead.Okay, fine.I took him to a farmwhere he has plenty of room to run.That's the second thing people say when something's dead. My hairdresser's brother has three kids.They live in the country.They were so happy to have the dogthat they gave me a jar of pickles.Is that also what they say when something is dead?Really?Look. Look how happy they are,instead of him being tied to a tree outsidewith no one to talk to.Why didn't you just tell me this in the first place? Like you would be okay with me stealing a dog? - No. - Exactly.That's why I didn't tell you.Now the dog is happy, Manny can sleep,and we have pickles.Okay, it worked out this time,but don't forget that stealing is against the law. - Now, maybe in Colombia. - Ah, here we go, because in Colombia we trip over goatsand we kill people in the street.Do you know how offensive that is?Like we are Peruvians!The contest was hard.Reservations.Even though we had sworn off the internet,the rest of the world hadn't.Orlando.Domestic.Representative.Representative!Representative! Representative!You've got mail.- Really, Claire? - You don't understand.I was trying to deal with our plane ticketsto visit your family.Please stop. You're just embarrassing yourself. Well, it looks like it's just you and me, old man. Bring it.And finally, here we are back at the office.If you two would like to take a seat,I will let Mr. Plympton know that you're here. - Thank you. - Yes, thank you.This place is amazing!I told you.It's like Hogwarts!It's like Hogwarts!The ladybug sanctuary.Oh, my gosh. The little cobblestones.So sweet. I know.Screw the duckies. We belong here.Do you think they're gonna let us in?Cam, relax.We're queer, we're here.Yes, we are.Okay. Just a few more minutes.Thank you.Yes, thank you.Hi. I'm Stephanie Kaner.And this is Javar.We have an interview with Mr. Plympton. Wonderful. These two are first. You'll be next. Single white mother, black child.So what?Lily's asian. We're gay.In the school admissions poker game,we're the winning hand.Oh, honey, sorry.My partner Kavita.Hi. Nice to meet you.Hello. Nice to meet you.It will be just a few minutes.Disabled interracial lesbians with an african kicker. Did not see that coming.It's been a while since I read an actual newspaper. Miss that sound.- No, no, no, no! - What is it?Brady's injured.No! He's my whole team.I have to change my roster.Honey, if you can't do it over the phone,You can't do it, because we're not buying Haley a car. - Yeah. - Yeah.Yeah.Well...Well, I'm just gonna go to the bathroom.Phil Dunphy, don't you even dream of it.Claire, all my friends are in that league.- I'm gonna like an idiot. - So what?So I paid a huge entrance fee.- How huge? - Not huge. Tiny.Oh, my goodness. How is she not cracking up there? Listen to her.No, I know, but do you know?Wait a minute. She's alone.So?She's alone.Oh, my god.I know. You should see her pants.I'll text it to you.Oh, wait. Okay. Hold on. I'll send it.Ha! Aha! Aha! Busted!Sophie, I have to call you back.I knew it. I knew you couldn't do it.I told you I'd outlast them.- This sucks! - What's going on?I'll tell you what's going on.I win.Nobody gets a car, I dump Tom Brady,and our long amish nightmare is over.I can't believe you thoughtyou were gonna put one over on us.I can't believethat he's actually already on the internet.Believe it, girl.- So, you're actually online right now? - Yep. Well, then I hate to break it to you, daddy,but you lose.- What? - What?This isn't my phone.I carved it out of a bar of soapand colored it in with a marker.Phil, she carved a telephone out of a bar of soap.I can't believe it! I'm getting a car!Holy crap. We've been shawshanked.Sorry about the delay.I was going over the plans for our new dance studio. Wow.So, tell me about yourselves.Uh, well, I'm a lawyer.Many of our applicants are attorneys.Of course.What sets you apart?Um, well, I --While my white-man name is Tucker,I am 1/16 Cherokee.I am 1/16 Cherokee.Ready for child to soar like eagle.Oh, god.So, what are you saying?You're not getting a car.But I won.Yes, but we never thought you would. So?So, congratulations on your victory. Nobody can ever take that away from you. So true. Mm-hmm.But I spent two days in my roomtalking to a bar of soap.It's not fair.It's totally not fair.We're outraged.Bad parenting.But we had a deal.Which, in hindsight, was utter nonsense. Hey.We hated Billingsley.The place is so stupid. Ugh!You blew the interview, didn't you? Lesbians.In a wheelchair.Oh.You still mad at me?You tell me.What is this?I've been thinking if you said as much about America as I said about Colombia, I'd be plenty ticked off. Doesn't make up for everything, but...A trip to Colombia?I want to see your village, learn your culture.I love you.I'm sure I'm gonna love where you come from. Aw, Jay. Thank you, thank you, thank you.No way he's going to my village.I was in two car accidents when I was living there. Both times I hit a goat.One was hurt pretty bad.But it was a good thing I had a shovel in the trunk. The tribe builter fortold thatthough I lay with fire-haired man,the giving hawk would bring us babywith her skin the color of sweet corn,which my people call maize.Please stop.Well, um...Knowledge is her sustenance,like so much maize --which, you'll remember, means "Corn."What if I was a single dad?。

Morning.- Hey. - You sleep all right?No, you?- Say no, Phil. - Of course no.I missed you up there.Last night, I know I got kind of carried away -- No, no, no. You don't need to apologize.I don't think that I was apologi--You were right to be mad.Sometimes I just feel like I have to screamto let you know how upset I am,but you get it now, right?I...do.Not.No idea whatsoever.Ohh, if I knew, but...no.Good.So let's pretend the whole thing never happened. What were we even fighting about, huh?What the heck happened in here?The raccoon get through the dog door again?Yep. The raccoon got in,and your mom fought it off with the fire extinguisher. You're a mess!Are you okay?Careful, buddy. Not today.I think you look beautiful.Save it.One time I forgot to get Gloria a birthday present,and I paid for it.Another time I remembered, but she didn't like the gift.I paid for that.So you'd think when I remember to buy her a giftand she loves it,I wouldn't have to pay for it, right?Just call me angel of the morning, angelJust touch my cheek before you leave me, babyOh, hey, good.Grab the other end of this and help me get it out of here.I have to start setting up the chairs for tonight.- Oh, tonight? What's tonight? - Are you kidding me? This is what I'm talking about Mitchell.You never listen when I --It's a fundraiser for the friendsof the third street overpass music society.Two harpists are performing,and you're anxious 'cause Andrew,Your nemesis from the steering committee,ran the event last year,and you want to upstage him.I was kidding.Cam has it in his headthat I don't listen to him, but I do.Do you, Mitchell? Do you?The doctor called and saidLily's rash is just dry skin.I'm so relieved.What did I just say?You act like you listen to every single thing that I say,but you don't.Don't I, Mitchell?Hey, I'm going to the store today.Do you need me to pick anything up for you?Razor blades, saline solution, black socks,and the new issue of Vanity Fair.Wow. I don't even remember asking for all that.Thank you.Don't I?How'd this thing come off, anyway?Well, I was cooking dinner, and --Right.And the raccoon just walked in the --And I already had the door open.- Right. - Which I-I had already had ahold of the --Why don't you two go work on your story and come back? - Okay. - Okay.I won't be home till late.I have another shift at the restaurant.That's our working girl.Let the river run, honey.Let the river run, honey.Check it! $57 in tips from last night.Honey, that's impressive. You know what?$57 from you, $57 from us --You keep this up,we are going to be buying you a car by the summer. Mom, is this "upscale casual"?What?Oh, yeah. Cam hired Luketo help out with the benefit tonight.Hey, you know what? I can't fix this thing.What? I need that. I use it every day.Okay, Phil, what do you say?You want to take a trip to the mall with me?I...do.Not,if I can possibly avoid it.Claire has this little...habit...at the mall, where sh--I can't even talk about it.Jay, come on!I want to go homebecause you said you were going to film me doing thekaraoke so I can send it to Colombia to my mother. Claire, um, about the mall?I was actually gonna run outand get my hair cut this afternoon.Well, hang on here.Why don't I run claire down the mall,and you give Phil a haircut?You're always talking abouthow you miss working at the salon.I guess I could.I do jay. Why can't I do you?You...can do me.Okay, let's get this party started.Okay, let's get this party started.You know that song?Let's go, let's go! We're wasting time!- O-okay, okay. - Yeah.- You know it? - I think I do.So, that was Andrew,who practically choked telling methat no one had called in their regretsfor the event tonight.It is gonna be a full house.Oh, that must feel great!Oh, I never thought I would enjoy having an arch enemy. Oh. But I do, Mitchell. I do. Hmm.Hey, Lily, what you got there?I do feel bad for those PETA folks.I do feel bad for those PETA folks.Their event's tonight, too.That's why I had you mail the invitations so long ago.I shouldn't laugh.I do feel bad for those little PETA animals.I really do.What are you doing?Nothing. She was, uh --she was, uh, sucking her thumb again.Yes, I put Cam's invites in my carto take them to the post officeand then threw my gym bag on top of themand completely forgot they existed.Ohh, I feel terrible.Haven't been to the gym in six weeks.And I ruined Cam's event.Hello, Miss Hartwick.Uh, Cam and I are hostinga little event tonight, and --Yes, yes.No, I am aware that there is also a PETA event,and -- ohh.Who are you talking to?I'm in the shower!Luke, how are those chairs coming?Come in.I think you should come in come in.Oh, now I'm worried about the flow.The eyes should go to the harps, not the backs of chairs. Are you gonna get upsetand starting eating all the appetizers again?It is amazing what you notice and what you don't notice. Please handle that. I need to think.Come on, Luke.Hi, there. Your father home?I think so. Why?Oh, oh! The wait staff.Please, luke, show them to the kitchen, please.Knock knock.Oh. Hello, Andrew.Nice chair backs.I just thought you could use this.It's the sign-in book for my event last year.Let just turn to the blank pages,Which should be...Oh. No. It's full.Oh, well, thank you for thinking of us,but shouldn't you be getting back home to Donald? That is the name of your cat, isn't it?I'll see you at 7:00.Drive safely.What did I tell you?She's even worse than you said.Hold still!You can't move like that.It's like cutting the hair of a cuckoo bird.I'm sorry. I'm just a little tense today.I knew it. Something happened.Because when somebody works in a salon,they know when someone needs to talk.Actually, you might be able to help me with this one. Claire and I got into a huge fight last night......and I'm not even sure what it was about.Was that why you didn't want to go to the mall with her? No, that was... more about a weird...mall habit claire has.Oh, my god! That's good!Oh, oh! Go low, go low.Go low, go low. Oh! Oh!Oh, my god!Dad! Dad!You got to get one of these! Oh!It is impressive how much Haley's earning.She's over $500 already.That's a lot of cheddar.Why's everyone actinglike she's the first 17-year-old to have a job?In other cultures, she'd have two kids already,and they'd have jobs.You know, I stopped by the restaurant a couple times, and she wasn't there.When?Uh, I don't remember.I was at the mall for a movie.Think! I need details!Okay, it was a romantic comedyMy now ex-friend Reuben recommended --Not about the movie! What day?! Focus!Okay, uh, it was Tuesday,But I also ate there again on Saturday,and she wasn't there then, either.Oh, my god.I bet she doesn't even work there.Well, then, where's all this money coming from?Do you notice how every single nightis just under $60?Grandpa gave her $60 for her birthday.She's just hanging around the mall all day,flashing the same cash every night,and fooling my parents into buying her a car.Hey, dad!Can we eat at Haley's restaurant tonight?!Hey, there's a good idea!Great. I'll text her.Oh, god, no!Oh, god, yes!Oh! Oh, god, yes!Oh, get after it!Amazing.I'm going for 15 more on me.I think you got what you needed from that.Oh. Okay. Thank you.You know, maybe you do need to talk about this fight. With Phil?How could you not know what she was mad about? Because she didn't tell me. She just freaked out.I cannot believe you, Phil!How could you?!What is happening? What -- what did I do?Are you serious?You are! You don't know.We've had this conversation a hundred times.You know -- no, no.I'm not -- I'm not doing this again.You tell me what you did.- Was it -- - "Was it --"No, Phil.No. No, no, no. No!- I'm going to get some air. - Claire.- Claire! -No! Don't follow me.Happy valen-birth-iversary!Storming off --right out of yr mom's playbook.Where'd you go?Well, as it turns out, not very far.Damn it.Phil!Phil, you moron, stop it!- It's me, you idiot! - I'm sorry!What are you doing?!I'm sorry!I thought you were a raccoon!You thought I was a raccoon!Because people look so much like raccoons. Oh, look.There's one now!No, claire, no! Claire!Wait a minute.Not even crazy woman go crazy for no reason. What happened before the broccoli?That's just it -- it came out of the blue.I walked in the door,we're having a conversation about nothing. Hey, honey.Sorry I got stuck at the office.How was your day?It was good.- Although you know what? - What?Debbie stood me up for lunch.Rude, right?No. She called.I didn't get a message.Yeah. You did.I left you one.It's right...there.That's it!How is she supposed to see this?If you give me a message this tiny,I kill you.But that's not when she got mad.Also, I talked to the insurance companyabout that little accident that "wasn't your fault" because the brakes weren't "working right."And that's not gonna cost us as much money as I thought, so that's good.That's it!You insult a woman's driving,and you use the "air bunnies."and you use the "air bunnies."You do that to me, and I kill you.I hear you,but the screaming still hadn't started yet.So, I'm having lunch with Skip Woosnum, right? Boy, can that guy go on and on.Tangent after tangent.By the way, turned me on to the greatest thing -- wedge salad -- you gotta try it.Anyhoo...Guess who's sitting at the table next to us.My old girlfriend Carla.We're gonna grab coffee.She lost a ton of weight.How stupid are you?You tell me that you're seeing an old girlfriend, and I -- Kill me, I know.But she still hadn't snapped yet.I almost forgot.I picked up the broccoli you asked for. Cauliflower.Can't believe I did that again.Can't believe I did that again.I cannot believe you, Phil!You didn't do one thing wrong.You do everything wrong!I don'even know why she talks to you.She said she was okay.No. No woman is okay with this.We don't forget.We wait.And then, when you least expect it,we make you pay.Chin up!Up!So you had a meltdown over that.I did, because ever since I met him,I've been trying to get Phil to try a wedge salad.The minute that Skip Woosnum,whom he doesn't even like, suggests it,Phil thinks it's the greatest thing ever,and he does this with everything.He does it with books, with movies, with tv.He listens to everybody's opinion but mine,And it drives me crazy.You two seemed fine this morning.Well, we were because we talked about it,which, by the way,if you want this whole karaoke thing with Gloria to go away, That's what you need to do.That's easier said than done.Well, since when do you shy away from confrontation, Mr. Tough Talk, Mr. Straight shooter?Getting a little soft, grandpa?You know, when you get a massage,you sound like a Tijuana prostitute. Luke, phone.Friends of the third street --Is that Mitchell? What's taking him?No, it's not Mitchell. It's...I don't understand his name.Hello?Oh, hi, Longinus. Listen,did you get my message?About the chiavari chairs --I want you to bring them when you come. What do you mean you're not -- not coming? Well, that's not possible.Mitch -- Mitch mailed them weeks ago. What about Pepper? Did he get his?And Michael?And Steven and Stefan?And Bob?I have to go.Get me your uncle Mitchell.I don't know his number.It went to voicemail.Of course it did.Keep trying him until you get him.it's one button.Hey, really great event tonightbenefiting the music society -- musicians like you. Uncle Cam for uncle Mitchell.How could you, Mitchell?!Honestly! Give me that.You want to hear the guest list for night?So far it's anger, betrayal, terror, and sadness. Congratulations, Mitchell, you packed the house! Cam, I am so sorry.I-I-I'm gonna fix it. I'll make a big donation. That's not gonna keep themfrom kicking me off the steering committee! When Andrew walks in hereand sees a room full of empty chairs --You know he's not really your archenemy.That's sort of a made-up thing.Fix it!- Hi! You came! - Hi!Of course we did. We wanted to see you work. We're so proud of you, sweetheart.Yeah, we're all proud. So where's our table? Actually, bad news.We totally booked.We have a ton of reservations.Yeah, one's ours. I called.Uh, so, your table is right here.Oh, honey, would you mind getting us a couple drinks?I would love an iced tea.Same, please.I'll have a mango-kiwi smoothie,yogurt instead of ice cream, and make it low-fat.I want to look good when I'm riding in your new car. Honey, I got to say,I like this haircut.Hey, we're all just playing for second in this family. Were you all done here?Uh, actually, no.Um, I will have more iced tea,Another iced tea,and a mango-kiwi smoothie,all ice cream.I'm pregnant.Well, this is nice.Me, my gals,and my beautiful, beautiful wife.Just so you know, I rescheduled with Carla.I penciled her in for the 12th...of never.That's too bad.I was kind of looking forwd to hearing about that one.no one called for you while you were out.Thank you?I just want to make sure you get any messagesfrom any friends who might call, which none of them did. Isn't it weird that Haley's the only one herenot wearing a name tag?If your mother had a name tag,it would say "Good driver."- Phil -- - Here you go.I want to hear the specials.- Uh, we're out of specials. - What were they?Popular, which you wouldn't understand.Well, what could be betterthan drinks with a beautiful woman?And every beautiful woman deserves flowers. Cauliflowers.Okay. What's going on? Is this about last night?Yeah, I just want you to know how important to me you are. Sweetie, I know that. I know that.I still feel bad about, you knowwhat I...did.Listen to me.You and I are fine.Okay?I'm just really hungry.Okay?Okay.Okay.All right!What looks good?Oh, gosh.Ooh, here's something that jumps right off the page. Uh-huh. I tried this yesterday,thanks to my good friend Skip Woosnum. Claire, do yourself a favorand join me in a wedge salad.You have got to be kidding me!Just try it. You will thank me.Did you learn nothing from last night?It was about the salad?I have been recommending wedge salads to you, amongst other things, for years,and you never listen to me.And then some idiot suggests it,and you can't wait to try a wedge salad?!It makes me feel like I don't matter.Thanks a lot, dad!Mom's little outburst just got me fired!Okay, I got to talk to your mom.You comfort your sister.She never worked here!So, Mitchell called you, too.I take it you haven't had your conversation with Gloria yet? It's getting worse.She sang all the way here.We passed two cars --the dogs stuck their heads back inside the window.What are we gonna do?- I could start a fire. - No.Keep that in your back pocket.I want to show you something.Let me guess.It's a copy of "The Book Thief"that I begged you to read,but you wouldn't until your dental hygienistsaid it changed her life.- Remember this? - Uh-huh.It's the first thanksgiving I spent with your family.God, I hated that ponytail.I know.You said it made me look like a wimpy bouncer,so I cut it off.Just like I lost the feathered earring...and the van with the beanbag chairs.And I changed my forestry major.I get it, Phil. I get it.I am the controlling witch- that made you give up everything fun in your l-- - No. No. You're the witch who saved me.Look. Look at this picture.Now look at this guy.You can't tell me your opinion doesn't matter.You changed me for the better in a hundred different ways. Yeah, I-I might miss a book or a saladhere and there, but...I've got Claire all over me.You're about to.That's the worst sound in the world.Is it?Friends, uh, family, uh, board members --"Bored" is right."Bored" is right.I know we were all looking forwardto hearing the beautiful stylings of harp attack,but there has, unfortunately, been a slight --Don't start yet!delay,and the program will start in a few minutes, on time.Uh, so, please, everyone take their seats.Thank you.Oh, my god, you did it!Sort of.I know this isn't what you were hoping for,but I need to do a better job of listening to you. No, no, you did the best you could,and, plus, this is double what Andrew had last year and, plus, this is double what Andrew had last year for "Cello submarine."Thank you.Oh -- how are you sitting at a harpand not scoring this moment? Ladies!You can't have a successful marriagewithout being a good listener.Sometimes it takes a little work...I just wonder what they're gonna dowith their lives, you know?I just wonder how they can actually, you know, ever find their true calling with a harp....sometimes it takes a lot of work...Harps!...and sometimes it's just excruciating.Jay, come. I work out another song.Gloria.Gloria.No!No, no, no, no, no, no, no!I can't take it anymore!Okay? It's not singing, it's screaming.Mom, I love you, but for the love of god,destroy that thing before it destroys this family! Coward!I think you sound great,but if it bothers e kid...Coward!Oh Danny boyThe pipes, the pipes are callingFrom glen to glen, and down the mountain side The summer's gone, and all the roses...You keep this up,and this won't be the last plug I pull.。

Excuse me, I'm so sorry.I never do this for celebrities.But are you by any chance the foxy momon the New Horizon realty ad.Am I gonna regret doing that?Did the marlboro man have any regrets?This ad is perfect.See, I'm not just selling houses,I'm selling myself,and the best part about me is my family.And my teeth.And both...are on display in this ad."I can't be satisfied until you're satisfied"?Coming soon to a bus bench near you,not to mention our minivan.So that's really happening?Wait. What's happening to our minivan?Having this bad boy shrink-wrapped on it.- Classy. - Yep.Now all that driving around your mom does will serve a purpose. Good morning, family.How are you all doing on this beautiful day?Okay. What's this?Haley's S.A.T. scores are available online.I hate you.Oh! ! Today's the big day.Let's take a look, see how she did.Do we really have to look at them now?Don't worry.We're not expecting any miracles.Thank you.Are those Haley's scores? Are you sure?Why? Are they bad?No, they're not bad.Are they good?No, they're average.Sweetie, we did it.Our baby's average.Medium five!This is just a fluke.She can take them again.Yeah, and she'll probably do even better.You are gonna have your choiceof some pretty good colleges when the time comes. If I go to college.What?I've been thinking about it lately,and I might...not.Later!Well, we took the scenic route,but we ended up in the same place.更多影视更新请登陆 更多影视更新请登陆 更多影视更新请登陆 更多影视更新请登陆 更多影视更新请登陆 更多影视更新请登陆 From Zimbabwe to AlgeriaCome on, let me hear yaThese are the countries, these are the countries Cam recently became Franklin middle school's interim musical director.Go, Franklin!I was volunteering for their spring musical festival when their regular directorsuddenly and mysteriously became ill.Oh, sorry.It may have been a blessing.Their show lacked focus.I gave it a theme --"A musical trip around the world."Yeah, see, he focused itby making it about the world.You don't like it.No -- Cam. I do.Do you -- do you think that the kids, though,are gonna be able to learn it by tonight?I mean, maybe you should stickwith something that they already know.I knew this would happen.Why do you have to throw a wet blanket on my dreams? - I do not. - You do it all the time.And you know what I end up with? Wet dreams.I heard it as soon as I said it. Just leave it alone.All right, well, Cam, it's just that sometimesyou can be a little, you know, overenthusiastic.Is it really that big of a dealthat I want this to be the best show in the world? Well, as long as you heard me.Be in my corner. Don't be so critical.We-- is that really how you see me?Sometimes, yeah, I do, Mitchell.Cam, well, if -- if that's true, then I'm -- I'm sorry. No, you know, okay, from now on,I am in your corner 100%.Yeah, that song is gonna knock everyone out.Well, I don't know, butwait till you see the dance I have prepared.A dance? A dance!More toast, Manny?Why won't you call me, Emma?More toast, Emma?Do you have to be on all the time?Okay, I'm sorry. Who is this Emma?She's in the show with me tonight.I'm thinking of taking a run at her.You don't "Take a run" at a woman.You woo her. You make her feel special.Hey, hon, take a look at this.It's a picture of my butt.And then when you get her,you can tell her whatever you want.Why do you do this?I programmed it so my butt pops upwhen my brother donnie calls.It's a clever way of saying my brother's an ass.Is it?That's him. Compose yourselves.Forget I showed you this picture.I'm trying.How you doing, you dumb son of a bitch?You old mick. Looks like you've put on a few pounds. Oh, you too.What, are you eating your hair?Oh, Gloria. Oh.What are you still doing here?There's got to be an easier way to get a green card. Hey, uncle Donnie,are you coming to my school concert tonight?- Well... - It's an hour, tops....wouldn't miss it.Hey, you know, I think I misplaced my phone. Could you call me on yours?My phone's at the bottom of my bag.Why don't you use your home phone?Oh, come on. It's simple.What are you doing?I want the phone.How about you let go, you --Give me the phone, Donnie!You still think you can take me?!What? Is this all you got, huh?I'm gonna wash your mouth out with fist.I don't understand this relationship, Emma. Hey, Emma.Doing this show, it feels likewe've become like a little family, huh?You mean like you're my brother?No. N-no, I don't.Oh, no!They're back -- dinosaur arms!This isn't a good time, Luke.That is hilarious.Half boy, half t-rex.One foot in both worlds,Wanted by neither.Luke, that's a great way to stretch out a shirt.Okay, okay! Break's over, everyone!Let's take it from the top.Listen, we're running 20 minutes long,So we're gonna go ahead and cut the Bollywood number. Can I go? I'm late for soccer practice.You know who else missed soccer practice, Delroy? The cast of "Rent." And now they have a Tony.The cast of "Rent." And now they have a Tony.We have a Tony.You are so funny.Seriously?Hello?Hey, honey. Did they drop the van off yet?Yeah, a little while ago.How's it look?Uh, well, believe it or not,I have resisted the temptation to look.This whole Haley thing has got me a little preoccupied. We're on our way out to lunch right now.About that, I've been thinking.College is still a ways away.I say we leave Haley alone.The more we push, the more she'll push back.I'm gonna push.And I support that.Only dad can make our minivan even lamer.Excuse me. What are you doing?I'm driving this thing to the reservoir.Just jump when I say jump.Honey, slide over.How is this stupid ad supposed to sell houses anyway? You heard your father.He's not just selling houses...He's selling us.What are my friends gonna think?They are gonna thinkthat you're helping your father put food on the table.- Ay, is the chair broken? - Almost.That cheap, freeloading brother of minecan't keep his hands off my good Scotch,So, you see, I placed that Scotch there.My brother sits in this chair, goes out from under him -- Bam! -- Masterpiece.So you make your brother fall and spill his drink? Well, I don't want to jinx it, but that's the plan.Why are you both so mean?Where I come from, brothers respect each other.That's why Colombia is such a peaceful utopia. Hello, ladies.Hey, nice shirt.Do they sell men's clothes where you got that?That's funny because women are so inferior.You got no taste.I bought this for Melanie's baptism.Who's Melanie?Michael's kid, my granddaughter.Oh, I forgot to tell Irene I landed safely.Hello?How could you not knowthat your own brother had a granddaughter?I probably knew.How can you forget when he's family?I have 29 cousins, and I know them all --Rosa Marina, Gloria Maria,- Veronica Maria, Jose Vicente - Okay, okay, okay. What's your point?You do the chair, you do the fighting,But you don't know each other.It's sad.Look, I may not talk to my brotherthe way you talk to your sisters,But believe me, we're close in our own way. When was the last time that you saw him?Well, that's not easy, 'cause he lives up...See, I want to say Buffalo.All I'm sayingis that there's no downside to more education.I knew this car ride was a trap.See that?That right there shows me just how smart you are. Really? Again?What is going on?It's the stupid ad.They're honking on my side, too.Yes, we're the people in the ad.Yeah. Hi.Another great thing about collegecomplete independence.I'd have that in an apartment.No, because to have an apartment, you would need a job. You want to know what your job is in college?It's a little bit of class and homework.And it's a whole lot of new friends.And experiences.And the boys think you're cute and you are cute,And, oh, trust me, that doesn't last forever.Call the number!All right!You in the mood to lose?First time for everything.You break.So, how's work?Don't worry, moneybags. I'm not here for a loan.Nice break.All right, you're solids,which you won't be able to eat in a few years. Right, right.Seriously, though, how are things going with you? Swell.I'm beating a fat guy at pool right now. Donnie, I'm trying to talk to you.Why?Why? 'cause that's what people do.Talk about things, like their lives.Oh, Irene opened her big trap.Look, I'm fine.It's not like I'm gonna die.What?Yeah, they caught it early.I took the treatment. I'm clear for now.Come on. It's your shot.Caught what early?Donnie, are you talking about...cancer?You don't have to whisper. I know I got it.You just get your prostate checked -- by a doctor, not some guy you met on the internet.I can't believe you didn't tell me this.Because it's not a big deal.Now, listen. It's just between us.Oh, god.Irene, how the hell do I know where your glasses are?And there's frisbee golf,And -- and you go snow-sledding on cafeteria trays.Oh, and you all get a dog together.I don't really know who takes care of the dog during the summer, but he's there when you get back.Geez, maybe you should just go back to college.Oh, honey, do you know what I would give to go back?It's this moment when your whole life is in front of you,and it's a magical time.You don't want to miss that,Because when it's gone, it's gone.Yeah, yeah.Come on, Alex. Bus is leaving.Dad, your phone's been buzzing like crazy.Sweet lorna doone!19 missed calls?I wonder who's --Phil Dunphy.You saw the ad?Great.Do you know what you're looking for?The little one?I think I know which one you're talking about.Um, if you're interested,I also have an older model with a lot of character.What?I think the carpet matches the drapes.I haven't checked in a while.Both of them?Wow.Well, I guess that makes sense if you're planning to flip one. Listen, um, why don't I call you back?We'll set up an appointment.It'll give me a chance to give them both a good scrubbing. All right.Thanks a lot.Bye-bye.How about that, huh?You think all these calls are about the ad?Yeah.My friend Nicole just sent me a picture of the van.I guess I'll be seeing you wednesdaysand every other weekend.Hello?Okay, um, you sound very angry,which is completely understandable.I'm not angry.I'm just sitting here thinking about collegeand how life has passed me by.Oh, thank god. I'll see you at the show.Love you. Bye. We got to go.And as the music swells,we reveal our lettersspelling "We love the world."Powerful stuff.And then the majestic Franklin middle school insigniawill drop into positionif Reuben ever finishes painting it.It's not the sistine chapel, Reuben.Surprise! Hey!Your supportive boyfriend dropped by to bring you a snack. P.B. And J.Pear, brie, and jambon. My favorite!Okay, people, let's take five.A true five.Hey, Manny. How's it going?Good, great, couldn't be better.Can we, uh...Yes, we can, uh -- all right.What's up?Okay, you got to talk to Cam.He's driving us crazy.Kevin is biting his nails again,And Reuben hasn't had a bowel movement in a week.Don't laugh. That's how Elvis died.All right, um, Manny,I-I can't get involved.But, all right, if you have to say something,just tell Bob Fussy that he's overdoing itand you want to go back to your old stuff.Okay, break's over, people!I want to do the french revolution number again.Let's bring out the guillotine.Carefully this time.No, no, no.Excuse me?We don't want to do the new stuff.We want to stop rehearsingand go back to the old way, Bob Fussy.I-I don't know where this is coming from.You all feel this way?Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.Well, I had no idea.I had no idea I was surrounded by a bunch of quitters. This production was a jokeuntil I introduced these childrento the musical-theater greats --Bernstein, Sondheim.Years from now, some of these kidswill still be talking about the way I sondheim-ized them. Ooh, I'm don't think that's a good way of saying -- okay.You want to do it the old waywith the same tired songs, the same drab choreography, the same tepid applause from mom and dad?Is that what you want? Just say the word.That's what we want. Yes. Yes.Well, too bad, people!We're doing it my way! From the top!This is a closed rehearsal. March.Hi, honey. What are you doing out here?Oh, just waiting for you 'cause I love you.Haley, come out this side.Why?'Cause it's fun. Try it.Yeah, the doors slide, the seats slide.What can't the sienna do?That was fun.Right? Let's go see a show!Sweetie, we need to close the door.Yeah, with the key.I like to see how far I can get from the carand still make it work.Listen, honey, honey.- Yeah? - Let me ask you something.Okay, I need you to be really honest with me. Yeah, you ca-- yes.Are my best years behind me?What?No.The trick is to keep looking forward.Here we go.Really?Yes, yes, for sure.You feel good?Yeah, I...Hello, and welcome, everyone.And latecomers.I hope you enjoy the show tonight.I think you will agree it has a certain flairthat has been lacking from this stage in years past. So, please, I invite you to sit back, relax,and enjoy this musical trip around the world! Wow.Growing up in America sure is great,but I wish I knew more about the world.Me too.I think I've got an idea.See you later, friend.Where are you going?To see the world!China looks interesting.I think I'll land here.Bring him down!Bring him down!Just go with it. Go with it.Oh. Hey. Come on.Geez, come on,Jay. You're in the theater.Try your jacket pocket.Sorry, folks.Nice. He taped it shut.Okay, that's enough.Ay! Stupid! You too!Don't hit him. He has cancer. What --Oh, my god, is Luke stuck up there? Phil?Come on.Yeah.Ye-- oh, no.Come on!China sure was fun.and look, there's merry old England. Has anyone here ever seen a globe? Full steam ahead!Ahead!Just sing.Oh, joy to salt-swept eyesFair England, do I seeSorry about what I said to Gloria, okay? Just came out.Let's go back inside.- Hit me. - What?You heard me. Hit me.I'm not gonna hit you, Donnie.Yeah, well, that's the whole damn point.As soon as you heard I was sick,you treated me different.Let me tell you, I get enough of that at home. I'm sorry.I feel a little bad for you, okay?I know we don't say this much, but, uh...I care for you, you know?Do you think I don't know that crap?I have known you cared about mesince we were 8 and 10 years oldand that mook Joey Calieri stole my bike and you put his head in the ice.What was that he said again?Um, "I can't hear no more.""I can't hear no more!"oh, Don.Your stage is all over the place.The kids are exhausted.You're making all about you.No intermission.What, are we animals?I --I'm gonna be fine.I got great doctors.The kids call me every day.Irene even lost 20 pounds due to stress.Good for you.You promise me you'll get that liver checked out.Ah, there's nothing wrong--Come on, Donna. Suck it up.We're missing my kid's show.You son of a bitch.Come on. Come on."I can't hear no more!"Okay, all right.That one was my fault,But Joan of Arc's gonna be just fine.It's not gonna be much fun doing the show without Emma. Maybe we should just stop this.No. No. There is a saying in the theater world that --"It's not worth dying for"?No, it's that "Endings make shows."And we've got a great ending.Now get out there and sing your hearts out.Oh, not you, sweetie. You just mouth the words. Okay.Uncle Cam, both my legs are tingly.Okay, we'll cut you down in just a second, Luke, okay? The show must go on. Have fun with it.Learning about the world sure was fun.But I'm glad to have my feet back on the ground again. Oh, Egypt is a land where the pyramids standWhich were built by industrious jewsAnd windmills go around in Holland townWhere they all wear wooden shoesThese are the things we learned todayAnd there's one last thing we want to say"We love the word"Where's the "L"?That's luke.Lower the insignia.Lower it.Lower it."We love the --"What the hell?No, no, no. No, no.No, no, no.No. No, no, no. No.Brava!Phil, where have you been?Oh, just getting some fresh air.- Honey. - Got it.Ready to go? Hey, look up at the moon.Would you say that's waxing or waning?Who cares? We can spend all night looking --"I can't be satisfied"?!My God, Phil.That makes me look like a prostitute.No.Yes. Yes, it does.More of an escort, really.You're just selling your time.- Whereas a prostitute just-- - Okay, Phil.I have been driving around in this all day.Well, since you're mad already,why don't you just step over hereand have a look at that?Oh, God. My baby.I am not getting back in that car!Oh, how do you think you're gonna get home, honey? It doesn't matter! I'll go home with anyone!That's what it should say on the van.Alex.I can't believe we trusted youto put this on the carafter the debacle of that last picture.Damn it.And that -- who was that?Probably another...I think the word you're looking for is "John."Get in the minivan.You mean to tell me thatpeople have actually been calling about this?There are a lot of creeps out there.That's disgusting. She's a child.Well, to be fair, most of them were for you.Well, it's still sick.What do you mean, "Most"?Well, I don't know. There were 30 calls.You got 20 or 25 of them.And they...ask for me?They asked for the hot blonde.Hmm. Men are pigs.Did they call me anything else?So, thanks to all the perverts in town,I realized I still have a few good years ahead of me. And if we have one person to thank for that,It would be me.No.Was it as awful as I think?Take the flowers.It must have been really hard for you to be supportive while I made a fool out of myself.Oh, come here.Luke, do you mind?We're trying to have a moment here.I can feel my heartbeat in my eyes. - In his eyes? - Yes.Okay. We'll get a janitor.Okay.。

So, honey, Ibiza can only 亲爱的伊比莎餐厅今晚只有take us at 6:30 tonight. 六点半的时段有空位给我们Great. I will meet you at Ibiza. 好的我们在伊比萨见面It's pronounced "Ibeetha", not "Ibeeza". 正确发音是伊比"莎" 而不是伊比"萨" Oh, thanks, honey. 多谢提醒啊宝贝That reminds me - this weekend, 这让我想到这周末I want to see that baby panda at the "thoo". 我想去"董"物园看小熊猫Yeah... I'm the idiot. 对对对我是白痴This year for Valentine's Day, 今年的情人节we're gonna have a nice, 我们要去伊比莎餐厅quiet dinner at Ibiza. 共进美妙又安静的晚餐Last year, we, um... 去年我们...We overreached... a little. 我们玩过火了一点点We created sexy alter egos 我们创造了性感的第二人格Clive and Juliana 克莱夫和朱莉安娜met in the hotel bar. 他们是在酒店的吧台认识的This one lost her panties 她在酒店大厅里in the lobby in front of her dad... 在她老爸面前失去了她的小裤裤- Phil. - Which was still -菲尔 -还挺有意...it was hard. It was hard for her. 是很惨对她来说真的很难受You know I can't stand it when you use that word. 你明明知道我不喜欢你提那个字- "Panties"? - Yeah, that. Yes. That word. -"小裤裤"吗 -是的就是那词Sorry. She lost her underpanties. 对不起她弄丢了内裤裤- So? - So? -怎样啊 -怎么啦Well, huh? So? 如何啦怎么样啦- What's happening? - Flowers? -这是干嘛 -花呀Is someone pointing a gun at you? 是有歹徒在挟持你吗Oh, for goodness' sake. 拜托Did you get the flowers Lily and I sent you? 你有没有收到我跟莉莉送给你的花嘛Oh, that's so sweet. No. No, I didn't get anything. 真贴心可是我真的什么也没收到Really? Did you check with that assistant of yours? 是吗你跟你那个助理确认过了吗Broderick! 布拉德里克Uh, did you get any flowers today? 你今天有收到花吗No. Sadly, I'm without Valentine this year. 没有我过的是没有情人的情人节No, for Mitchell! The flowers are for Mitchell! 不是给你是给米奇尔花是给米奇尔的Oh, that's right. 原来如此Oops. 抱歉Mitchell's assistant has a huge crush on him. 米奇尔的助理迷他迷得无法自拔He does not. 他没有And I think the only prudent thing 我觉得最明智的选择to do is say, "You're fired. " 就是跟他说 "你被炒了"Don't be jealous. 别吃干醋了He just looks up to me. 他只是比较敬重我The thing about Mitchell is he can be naive. 米奇尔的问题就是有时候太天然呆He is completely unaware of how absolutely adorable he is. 他不知道自己多迷人多招蜂引蝶Oh. Okay, well, thank you. 好了好了谢谢夸奖But I am aware when someone has a crush on me, 但是要是有人迷上了我我看得出来的and he does not have a crush on me. 可他是真的没有迷上我Yes, he has a crash on me. 他绝对是迷上了我I was a little concerned when 我本来还真有点担心they said they could only take us at 6:30, but... 他们居然只有六点半才有位置I know. This house is on fire, right? 我理解可这里火的很啊是吧Now, this is how you do V-Day. 你看情人节就是应该这么过的Except most of these people 除了这里大多的人could have been here on V-E Day. 在欧战胜利纪念日[1945年]时就应该来这庆祝了could have been here on V-E Day. 情人节缩写是V-Day二次世界大战欧战胜利纪念日缩写是VE Day 只有一字之差But it's classy, which we deserve. 还是很有格调嘛跟我们很搭Yes, we do. 是啊绝配What were we thinking last year, 去年我们是发了什么疯acting like a couple of teenagers? 怎么会想扮演一对年轻小情侣啊I know. Oh! 我知道Hey, we've had our crazy Valentine's Days. 我们已经享受过我们的疯狂情人节了We tore it up! 我们玩疯到了极点But you got to know when to let that stuff go. 可是过了之后你不能念念不忘啊Yeah. 你说得对All those kids out there are 现在外面的小屁孩追求的刺激just looking for something that we've already got. 对我们而言不过是过往云烟Yeah. 是的- I love you. - I love you, too. -我爱你 -我也爱你Oh, my gosh! 我的天呐- Are you okay? - I'm good. We're good. -你没事吧 -没事我们都没事Are you all right? 您没事吧This is my first day in one of these things. 这是我第一天骑这玩意Oh, hey, let me, let me help you out. 让我来吧我来帮你吧How about I park it over there for you, okay? 我帮你把停在那边好吗Oh, thank you. 谢谢你了Here's your valet ticket. 这是你的停车票I'm kidding, actually. That's my valet ticket. 我开玩笑的这是我的停车票All right. 好了Let's see. 我瞧瞧Lefty loosey, righty tighty. Hey! 左开右刹All right. 动啦This is fun, Claire. You got to try this. 这很有趣克莱尔你也来玩玩Phil. 菲尔- He is the natural. - Thank you. -他有骑这车的天赋 -谢谢I know Phil and I are gonna grow old together someday...我知道我和菲尔会有年华老去的一天This thing needs mirrors. 这东西需要后视镜But today is not that day. 但绝不能是情人节这天Hello? 你好Hello, may I speak to Clive? 你好我找克莱夫I'm sorry. I think you have the wrong number. Bye-bye. 抱歉你打错了再见I got disconnected. Would you mind redialing? 我断线了麻烦帮我重拨一下Hello? 你好Hello, Clive. This is Juliana. 你好克莱夫我是朱莉安娜Look lady, please stop calling me. 听着女士请别再打给我了- This is... - No. Phil. Phil. Phil. Don't hang up. -这... -别挂菲尔菲尔菲尔别挂- Claire? - No, no, no. Not Claire. -克莱尔 -不不不不是克莱尔Juliana. 是朱莉安娜And you're Clive Bixby, remember? 而你是克莱夫·比克斯比还记得吗We met at the hotel bar last year. 我们去年在酒店吧台认识的Now... make up some lie, ditch that wife of yours, 现在找个借口甩开你老婆and meet me at our hotel in 30 minutes. 三十分钟后到那个酒店找我You think you can you manage that? 你觉得你能搞定她吗Baby doll, I've been lying to my wife for 16 years. 小宝贝我都骗了她十六年了Okay. See ya. 很好待会见So... Champagne? 要喝点香槟吗Um, actually, Claire, something's come up. 其实克莱尔我有点事得去处理So... gotta go. 所以我得先走了You're not ditching me here on Valentine's Day. 不准你在情人节抛下我Screw that. Sit. 别管那事了坐下But... o- okay. 可是... 好吧We'll - we'll stay. 我们我们就待着吧- Phil. - Oh, that's part of it? -菲尔 -这也是一部分吗So hot! 真香艳火辣Claire. I'm leaving. Deal with it. 克莱尔我要走了自己保重So, no one walks anymore! 现在都没人走路了吗Should be just few more minutes. 要再等一会应该就好了When is our reservation? 我们预定是几点Here's the thing. 情况是这样的No, not "the thing. " I hate "the thing". 不别解释解释就是掩饰My secretary screwed up and 我的秘书搞砸了didn't get us one. Don't worry. 没有帮我们预订到别担心I'll slip the guy a few bucks. 我这就过去贿赂下那家伙What kind of idiot messes up two Valentine's in a row?哪个白痴会蠢到连续两年弄砸了情人节呢Not this idiot. 不是我这白痴Two months ago, I booked a private chef, 两个月前我预订了私人厨师musicians - the works... 还找了一乐团来演奏叫业务乐队for a romantic dinner at home. 为了在家里置办场浪漫的晚餐I just had to get the senorita out 我的任务就是把"大小姐"带出去of the house while they set up. 好让他们在家里做准备This is 50 bucks. Do not give us a table. 这是五十块千万别给我们位子What's the money for? 那你给我钱干嘛You also must refuse my wife. She's very persuasive. 你还得婉拒我巧舌善辩的老婆的要求Just a couple more minutes. 再等会就行了So we don't get the table at the fancy restaurant, 我们不会在高级餐厅弄到位子which drives Gloria crazy. 歌洛莉亚就会很抓狂"Jay, why you not be no more romantic to me?". "杰你为什么不能对我浪漫一点呢"We walk in the door, and bam! 到时我们走进家门天降惊喜She looks like a big idiot. 她就呆若木鸡了And isn't that what Valentine's Day is all about? 这不就是情人节的意义吗Jay, come here. We're in. 杰过来我们有座了Your secretary didn't forget. Look. 你秘书没有忘记看Pritchett for two. 普里契特两位Just a reminder. I need the television at 8:00. 提醒一下我八点要看电视的Jeremy and I have a phone date 杰里米要和我电话约会to watch "Love Actually". 要一起看《真爱至上》的That's the lamest plan ever, and I'm jealous. 这真是最逊的约会计划了但我真妒忌So, my boyfriend, David, 我的男友戴维blows me off on 在全年最浪漫的晚上the most romantic night of the year - to study! 竟然放我鸽子去读书了This is the worst Valentine's Day. 这真是最糟糕的情人节了Best Valentine's Day ever! 最棒的情人节啊David stands up Haley, 戴维放了海莉的鸽子and old boyfriend Dylan is out of the picture. 前男友迪兰也没戏了I'm not saying I miss Dylan, 我不是说我想念迪兰but at least he was romantic. 但至少他很浪漫David never sent me a jar of his own tears. 戴维绝不会送我一瓶他流的"痴情泪"I'm playing the long game here. 我是在放长线钓大鱼Like me today, love me tomorrow. 现在先喜欢我以后再慢慢爱上我吧She's had the romantic. She's had the intellectual. 她曾有过浪漫的男友也有过聪明的男友How about all of that in one fine, 那一个又浪漫又聪明的little brown package? 棕色小男友会有多棒呢- I've hit a new low. - You can talk to me. -我的人生到达了新低点 -你可以跟我倾诉And I'm lower. 这下我更低落了Just picking up some things. 我只是回来拿东西I am not here. 忽略我的存在吧Name tags, name tags, name tags. 胸牌胸牌胸牌Come on! Bingo! 快点找到啦I know what to do. 我知道怎么办了Dylan's been texting me again. 迪兰又给我来短信了Bet if David knew that, 我敢肯定如果戴维知道了he'd come running right over here. 肯定会马不停蹄赶过来Wait. Before you start playing these games, 等等在你开始玩弄这些男人之前let me ask you one simple question... 让我问你一个简单的问题Who is Haley Dunphy? 海莉·邓菲的本色为何- Don't do it, Haley! - Stop following me. -海莉千万别这样做 -不要跟着我Let me just say my piece. 让我说说我的看法No. 不要Look, you can be the Haley 听着你可以把自己who defines herself as David's girlfriend, 定位是戴维女朋友or Dylan's girlfriend, 或是迪兰女朋友or you can be your own Haley. 或者完完全全做自己Maybe you haven't met her, 虽然你还不认识本色的海莉but I know her. 可我认识她She's an amazing person. 她是个很给力的人So when you're ready, I'd like to introduce you. 如果你准备好了我想把你介绍给她Cameron! Is there something I can do you for? 卡梅隆有什么能为你效劳的吗No. I just came by to pick up my man. 没什么我只是来接我男人的I'm taking him to Ibiza tonight. 我今晚要跟他去伊比莎餐厅吃饭Ooh, I've heard good things about Ibiza. 哦听说伊比莎餐厅很不错呢But I'm afraid he may have to meet you there. 但是你恐怕得和他在那里碰面了He's in the middle of a meeting. 他现在正在开会On Valentine's night? 在情人节晚上开会吗I didn't realize when I scheduled it. It's my fault. 我排他行程表的时候没注意我的错Gasp. I'm shocked. 天啊我太"意外"了I could drop him off at 等他开完会了the restaurant as soon as they wrap it up. 我可以就送他去餐厅啊Oh, aren't you a dear? 你人"好"的像头小鹿似的I'd like to mount your head in my trophy room. 真想就这么把你头拽下来挂墙上Cam! 小卡Wait. 等等Have I upset you in any way? 我是不是哪方面做错惹你生气了Oh, please. Let's not play this game. 拜托别装了We both know what's going on. 你我早已心知肚明Have I been that obvious? 我有表现的这么明显吗Uh, the flowers that don't get delivered, 花都没送到the Valentine's Day plans that get interrupted... 情人节的计划也被打乱了Do I really need to spell it out for you? 还需要说的更明白吗Me, Mitchell - wedge. 我米奇尔你个小三Don't hate me. It's just... 别讨厌我我只是...so hard to see someone 见到别人能够拥有else have something you want and can't have. 你想要又得不到的东西心里堵得慌Does Broderick have a crush? Yes. 布拉德里克是否对某人有意思没错On someone he frequently sees at the office? 是不是对经常出现在办公室的某人有意思Yes. 没错Does that man have red hair and a beard? 那个人有红色头发和胡子吗No, but his boyfriend does. 没有但是他的男朋友有It's me. The - the crush is on me. 就是我他是对我有意思This is you. 你到了Oh, did I validate you? 你明白我的意思吧Oh, yes. 当然- Appletini? - It was. -苹果马提尼吗 -本来是的You're looking handsome as ever, Clive. 你和以前一样英气勃勃克莱夫As are you, Juliana. 你也一如往常的明媚动人朱莉安娜You look hot enough to cook a pizza on... 你性感火辣地都可以烤披萨了in. 乳火焚身I see the speaker business is treating you well. 看来你的扬声器生意赚了不少I don't like to talk about money... 我不喜欢谈钱but I have exactly $10 million... 但请完你这杯马丁尼之后minus the cost of your next drink. 我正好还有一千万家产Two. Just two appletinis, please. 两杯只要两杯苹果马提尼Thank you so much. 非常感谢Yeah... 这个Why do I get the feeling you're not really a salesman? 我为什么觉得你不像是真的商人Ohh... pretty and smart. 挺秀外慧中的嘛Ohh... pretty and smart. pretty有"非常"和"漂亮"之意or should I say "pretty smart"? 还是该说你是机智过人呀I might do some high-risk work for 我也有在为美国政府做Uncle Sam that takes me clear around the country. 一些危险工作所以经常得在国内跑来跑去Mm, so you could say you're a... 你意思是说你是一个national man of mystery. 神秘的国家干员吗- Never did catch what you do. - Didn't you? -老是没搞清你是做哪行的 -还没搞清吗Surprising, I know. I'm usually 是还挺奇怪的我通常pretty good at catching things from women in bars. 还挺擅长在酒吧里观察出女人的小细节的Well... Clive, I am just a bored housewife 克莱夫我只是个寂寞主妇with a dark side and an hour to kill 暗自偷欢仅有一小时消遣作乐Is that what I think it is? 这是我想的那个玩意吗It's not a gift card. Or maybe it is. 这不是张礼物卡不过也可以是张"礼物"卡I'll be upstairs, Clive. Don't take too long. 我去楼上等你了克莱夫别让我等太久I never do. 我从不会让人等- Jay, relax. - I'm sorry. The place is a dump. -杰放松点 -抱歉这地方太垃圾了- It's beautiful. - Nothing good on the menu. -这地方美极了 -菜单上没好菜You see the hands on our waiter? 看见那个服务生的手了吗Looks like he's been birthing hogs. 感觉他给猪接生过一样Let's just get out of here. 我们赶紧打道回府吧I don't know what's wrong with you tonight, 我不知道你今晚是哪根筋不对but I'm hungry, I look fantastic, 我打扮的漂漂亮亮的而且我饿了we're staying. 所以我们留下Five-course dinner waiting at home, 精心准备的五道菜晚餐在家里等着and she's strapping on the feed bag at Ibiza. 而她却死活要在这吃垃圾But then an angel from heaven saved the night. 但是天堂来的天使拯救了这个夜晚You took our reservation! 你把我们预约的桌子占了"Pritchett for two" is us. 两位姓普里契特的是我们Come on, let's go! Move your bottom. Come on. Come on. 快点快走赶紧起来快走A big gay angel. 胖嘟嘟的同性恋天使- Hello. - Hello, Clive. -喂 -喂克莱夫How close are you? 你还要多久I am right outside your door. •我在你门口外等着呢- Are you ready? - Oh, I'm ready. -准备好了吗 -准备好了I don't think you are, because I can still hear your pants. 我可不这么认为我还能听见你裤子的摩擦声呢Well, maybe I should just shut them up. 好吧也许我应该把裤子给脱掉[闭嘴]I'll be out in a minute. 我马上就出来So... will... I. 我也是Juliana? 朱莉安娜Clive, where are you? 克莱夫你在哪You have to come find me. 你得自己来找Hello? 哈罗Clive, I give up. Where are you? 克莱夫我放弃你在哪I'm right here on the bed. 我就在床上Phil, what room are you in? 菲尔你在几号房- Who's this "Phil"? - Seriously, what room are you in? -菲尔是谁 -我说真的你在几号房- I'm in... 702. - I'm in 226. -七零二号房 -我在二二六号房What?! 啥Well, w-whose room is this, then? 那这个是谁的房间啊There's been a tiny mistake. 出了点小小的差错By the way, I need to apologize to you. 还有我想向你道歉I'm sorry I got so silly with all that Broderick stuff earlier.很抱歉前段时间为布拉德里克的事情闹脾气Oh, please, do not worry about it. 没事的这没什么大不了Cam, I like it when you get a little jealous. 小卡你吃醋的样子我最喜欢了Cut it out. 讨厌As long as we can agree 只要我们能达成共识he does not have a crush on me. 知道他对我没意思就行啦Absolutely. 当然- So, to us. - To us. -那么为了我们的爱干杯 -干杯He does not have a crush on you. 他对你没有意思- No. - Nope. -没有 -一点都没有Why do I feel like you're hinting at something? 我怎么觉得你在暗示什么Mitchell, 米奇尔we have talked long enough about Broderick's crush, 关于布拉德里克的小暗恋我们已经谈了很多次了which he does not have... 显然他根本没那个意思on you. 起码对你没意思- Oh, my God, what? - Okay, fine. -天哪你想说啥 -好吧Since you won't let it go... 既然你要打破砂锅问到底your assistant is hot for me. 你的助理对我有意思That's why he's been playing the saboteur. 所以他才从中作梗And you're sure it's not because he wants me? 你敢肯定不是因为他对我有意思吗You just said he didn't. 你才说了他对你没意思Well, I was protecting your feelings. 我只是在顾及你的感受He hugged me in the elevator. 他在电梯里面拥抱我了He hugged me in the elevator. 佛蒙特州允许同性恋婚姻Well, pick out china 那好那咱家产分了and move to Vermont. 你速度搬去佛蒙特周去结婚吧He said it kills him to see someone else have something he wants.他说看到别人拥有他所爱之人让他生不如死Yes. Yes. You're the someone and I'm the something. 没错你就是那个别人我就是他所爱之人Okay. All right. 好吧不争了- Call him. - Call him? -给他打电话吧 -打电话Call him. 打去问他啊Why don't we just go over to 要不要干脆直接去他家his house and stand on opposite sides of the room 咱俩各站一边and see which one of us he runs to? 看看他奔向谁的怀抱You get the check. I'll get the car. 你去结帐我去提车We are not going over there. 我们才不去他家呢And we're not calling him. 也不会给他打电话Cam, who cares which one of us he has a crush on? 小卡谁在乎他迷上了谁The important thing is, I have a crush on you. 重要的是我迷上了你And I wouldn't blame Broderick if he did, too. 就算我的秘书也迷上了你我不怪他That's so sweet. 你嘴真甜I- I wouldn't blame him if he had a crush on you, either. 要是他迷上了你我也不会怪他的Good. 好吧- "Good" What? - Just, good. -什么东西 "好吧" -就单纯的"好吧""Good" meaning we're done with this, or "好吧"意思是到此为止呢"Good" meaning you still think he has a crush on you? 还是"好吧"你还是觉得他迷上的是你啊Oh, Cam! 得了吧小卡- The second one. - I'm getting the car. -后者 -我这就去提车Would you please just come in the house?! 你就跟我进屋去吧You had a whole year to plan, but you don't make an effort. 你有一整年的时间去准备但你根本没用过心I am the second wife, Jay. 杰我是你的新任娇妻Why do you treat me like I'm the first? 为啥你对我跟对黄脸婆原配似的Look about it inside. Where are you going? 咱们进屋再说你去哪I'm gonna take a ride. I need to cool down. 我要去兜兜风我需要冷静一下Just come in the house. I promise you'll feel better. 你就跟我进屋吧我保证你会感觉好一点I don't want to go in there. 我不想进屋You're gonna like it better inside. 进屋去你肯定会感觉好多的Don't hold me back. 别拦着我I'm sorry about this, honey. I'm sorry. 不好意思亲爱的我得动粗了Jay, what are you doing? Are you crazy?! 杰你干什么你疯啦Jay, what are you doing? Are you crazy?! [西班牙语]What are you doing? Have you lost your mind? 你在干什么啊你疯了吗No, but you're about to. 没有不过你马上会疯狂的Happy Valentine's Day! 情人节快乐What the hell? 怎么了这是Gloria! 歌洛莉亚Honey. 宝贝儿I'm going for a drive. 我要去兜风了I had a whole private dinner planned. 我本来准备了一个秘密晚餐I don't know what happened. 结果不知道为什么变这样了But I do. I know exactly what happened! 我知道我明白怎么回事No, you don't. 不你不知道- What the hell? - I win! -什么 -我赢了I see you sneaking around, trying to trick me, 我早发现你偷偷摸摸打算耍我一下so when I figure it out, 所以当我搞清楚之后I move the party over here, and I trick you. I win! 就把晚餐移到这边来了然后耍了你我赢啦What do you mean, you win? 什么叫你赢了I know you think I think you're not romantic, 我知道你觉得我认为你不够浪漫but I think you think I'm not smarter than you. 但我觉得你认为我没你聪明So now we know. 现在真相大白了You are romantic, and I'm smarter than you. 你够浪漫我也比你聪明And I bought you a motorcycle. 而且我还给你买了辆摩托Oh, my God. It's fantastic. 天哪这车真棒I win again! 我又赢了Honey, I love all this, but you can't win Valentine's Day. 宝贝儿我喜欢这一切不过情人节不是让你赢的I mean, you defeat the whole idea 我是说如果你把情人节搞成一个if you make it into some silly competition. 愚蠢的竞赛那这节日的意义就没了Shut up. I win. 闭嘴吧我赢了- Let's go. - So we're really doing this? -出发吧 -我们真要去吗- Oh, we're doing this. - Well, it's gonna be me. -必须的 -他肯定是迷上我的- I'm already embarrassed for you. - All right. -我已经在为你等会的囧样难过了 -好吧走- Oh, wait. - What? -等一下 -怎么了- Oh, it's a text from Broderick. - Read it. -布拉德利克来短信了 -读出来"Mitchell, by now I'm sure Cameron "米奇尔我相信你爱人已经告诉你has told you what happened in the elevator. 在电梯里发生的一切了While I meant every word I said, 我所说的一切都是肺腑之言I realize how unprofessional I was. 我明白这样做十分失职Please accept my resignation. 请接受我的辞职What you have with Cam is very special, 你和你爱人的感情来之不易and I would never forgive myself if I came between you. 如果我成了第三者我永远不会原谅自己Treasure each other. Sincerely, Broderick". 从心底祝福你们珍重对方布拉德利克"- Oh, Cam, what are we doing here? - I don't know. -天哪我们在干什么呢 -我也不知道Maybe if some assistant's crush 如果一个小秘书对谁着迷is so important to us, 值得我们如此大动干戈的话it means we should appreciate each other a little bit more. 我们真应该更加珍惜对方Well, I can't think of a better time to start. Come here. 是啊这正是个重新开始的好时机来吧And the great thing about that text 而短信最棒的地方就在于is we don't have to know which one of us he wanted. 我们无需知道他到底迷上了谁I know. 我知道I know. 我知道What are you doing? 你在这干什么呢Valentine's Day isn't over yet, Juliana. 情人节还没结束呢朱莉安娜Sweetie, let's not push it. 亲爱的别强求了You almost got arrested tonight. 你今晚可是差点进警局了That's how it's gonna be? 那今晚就这么不了了之吗- You're just giving up on us? - I am not giving up on us. -你就这么放弃我们的感情吗 -我不是放弃I am giving up on Clive and Juliana. 我只是放弃了克莱夫和朱莉安娜Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 等一下等等等等I know a couple of people who could possibly save this night.我知道有不少男女都有本事挽回这局面Maybe you've heard of them... 或许你知道他俩"Two American kids, doing the best that they can..." 两个美国青年尽他们所能Phil and Claire Dunphy. 菲尔和克莱尔I am not going back to that hotel tonight, 我今晚绝对不会再回那个旅馆了and I'm pretty sure you're not allowed to. 而且我肯定你被禁止进入了Don't need to. Phil and Claire have a bedroom, 不需要菲尔和克莱尔有间卧室which they can turn into a hotel whenever they want. 他们随时可以把那间卧室当成旅馆But the kids... 但是孩子们They're not expecting us home this early. 他们不会料到我们这么早回家So, you up for a little adventure... 如何你准备好去冒险了吗Claire? 克莱尔Do you think you can handle it... 你觉得你能搞定吗Phil? 菲尔"I can't be the girl you want me to be, David. "戴维我无法成为你理想中的女孩"I can only be me. Goodbye. Haley." 我只能做我自己再见了海莉"Send it. 发送- I don't know. - Here, I'll help you. -我犹豫不决 -来吧我帮你发送No, no, no, no, no! 别别别Wow. 哇That feels really good. 感觉真棒Because you're free. 因为你自由了And really scary. I haven't been single since I was 9. 可我很害怕我从九岁开始就从未单身过That's why you need to take your time now... 所以你应该开始慢慢来Really get to know yourself before you make any decisions...在你做任何决定之前必须先了解自己Five, six years maybe. 大概花五六年吧Years?! I have to call David. 要数以年计吗我得给戴维打电话The boy who tossed you aside on Valentine's Day? 打电话给一个情人节把你置之不理的人吗No. 不需要You deserve better, Haley, 你配得上更好的人海莉a dreamer, a poet. 一个梦想家一个诗人Wait for him. 等着他出现吧He may be closer than you think. 他说不定就近在眼前Do you hear music? 你听见音乐声了吗Yes, and the fact that you hear it, too... 当然你之所以也能听见是因为Is that Dylan?! 是迪兰吗Oh my God! 天哪*Imagine me naked. 想象我赤身裸体*Am I a bad enough parent to ignore that? 我真是个坏到连这个都能无视的家长吗You are. You're really bad. 没错你可坏了*Without my best friend. 为你舍弃朋友也愿意*You know, the old Haley would have... 你看如果你是之前那个海莉早就- I love you, baby! - Haley! -我爱你宝贝 -海莉Salud, Jay! 干杯杰- There's my back. - Phil. -我的背挂彩了 -菲尔- Oh, no, keep the change. - Oh, thanks. -不用找零了 -谢谢Did you put an extra tiramisu in here? 你是不是又在里面多放了一块提拉米酥啊- Maybe. - Ryan, again? -算是吧 -雷恩老照顾我们不太好吧I just like coming here. 我只是很喜欢来你们这嘛I tell you, if you were single... 我跟你说如果你是单身的话- Ryan! - Ryan! -雷恩 -雷恩。

摩登家庭-第2季第1集-字幕-对白-中英文对照-看美剧学英语Honey, do you need me to move the car? 亲爱的要我把车开出去吗No, it's nothing. I'm alright 不不用我能行Oh no! Iron cross, she's going down 不铁十字给我力量它要栽了Oh no! Iron cross, she's going down [铁十字纳粹德军勋章]Oh god! Phil... 当心菲尔- You okay? - Yes. I am. -你没事吧 -没事I am okay. 我没事Honey, why do we keep this car? 亲爱的我们为什么要留着这辆车It's a classic! 这车老经典了No, it just sits here. 不它只是空占地方And the seatbelts don't work. 安全带也坏了The doors stick. It leaks fluids. 门也卡还漏油We haven't put fluids in it in 10 years. 我们也十年没给它加过油了Well, I'm gonna fix all that anyway. 我会把这些毛病都修好And then, uh, it's gonna be Haley's car. 然后送给海莉Oh, we're not giving this car to Haley. 我才不要给海莉It's way too easy to fit a mattress in the back. 车后座都宽得可以放床垫了Remember? 当年这车可是我们的洞房啊Oh, no. We're selling it. 要命了这车必须卖What?! 什么Unless you don't think you can. 除非你觉得你卖不出- Really? - Yeah. -此话当真 -是的- Seriously? - You can't. -确定当真 -绝对当真You honestly think that's gonna work? 你确定我卖不掉You can't sell it. 就是卖不掉You know what? 话说You can insult a lot of things about me... 你怎么羞辱我都可以My hair, my voice, my balance-board exercises... 发型啊声音啊平衡板游戏啥的But don't insult my selling. 就是不要羞辱我强大的销售能力That crosses a line. 过分了哈What line? Oh, you don't see it? 过在哪里你瞧不见?That's 'cause I just sold it. 因为我以光速给它卖了That's 'cause I just sold it. 《摩登家庭》第二季第一集While the spray-tanned starlet claims 当这个美黑小星星声称to be six weeks sober, sources down under say: 自己有六个星期没嗑药时知情者爆料道She has been bar-hopping 她就像一个嗑药过量的袋鼠一样like a coked-up kangaroo." 蹦啊跳啊混迹于酒吧Ah, what's daddy reading to you? 爹地给你读什么呢If I have to read "the very hungry caterpillar" 如果还要我再读一次One more time, I will snap. 《饥肠辘辘的毛毛虫》我会抓狂的- oh, it's not that bad. - I will snap! -哪有那么差劲啊 -别逼人家So, um, I laid the toolbox outside, 那啥我把工具箱拿到外面了And all the supplies are ready, 所有的材料也都准备好了And I think we are good to go! 可以开工了Terrific. 好极了Aren't you gonna change into a working man's outfit? 你不打算换身工人套装吗No, I'm good, 不用了And I don't think workmen really call them "outfits." 况且我不觉得工人管它叫"套装" We are building a princess castle for Lily. 我们要给莉莉建一座公主城堡Uh, it's something every father wants to be able to do for his daughter.这是每个父亲都想给他女儿建的You know, and I fancy myself 并且我把自己幻想成as a bit of a castle designer. 这个城堡的设计师I have done a few sketches. 我画了一些草图Which we have archived so we can use the kit. 那些以备后用这样我们就能用组装套件- Mm, yeah. - The kit. -对 -套件Uh, the kit. Which, uh, we're gonna do together. 套件我们夫妇一条心一起做I am petrified to do this with Mitchell. 要跟米奇尔一起做这个还不如杀了我He built a couple of theater sets in college or something,他大学的时候做过几个戏剧的布景什么的And now he thinks he knows everything about building. 就以为自己是建筑帝了Well, he doesn't. 但他根本不搭边Every home-improvement project that we've undertaken. 每次我们家要做改造Has been a near-death experience. 都让人好想死好想死Make the appetizers. And then we'll be... 做开胃菜然后...If an accident does happen, I hope he kills me... 如果真出了啥意外我希望他一下解决了我Because I don't think I would be a very inspiring disabled person.因为我觉得我不会是个乐观向上的残障人士Honey, relax. 亲爱滴放亲松She's not here yet. 她还没来You might want to play it a little cooler. 你最好蛋定一下别猴急猴急的You don't want to scare off your girlfriend. 要不会把你女朋友吓跑的She's not my girlfriend! 她才不是我女朋友She's just coming over to study the life cycle of silkworms.她只是过来跟我一起研究蚕的生命周期Oh. She's here. 嗷她到了She's here! okay, how's my hair? 她到了那啥我头发不乱吧I thought it was just a friend. 是谁说只是朋友来着I heard that. 我可听到了I wasn't whispering. 我故意的Manny, open the door. Make her feel welcome. 曼尼去开门让她感受什么叫宾至如归Kelly! Good morning. 凯莉早上好Uh, I'm glad you're here. 欢迎你来我家Um, this is my Mom. 这是我妈Nice to meet you! 很高兴认识你哦In my culture, 在我们的文化里mothers are very clingy to their sons. 母亲都灰常粘儿子In fact, the leading cause of death among Colombian women 其实呢哥伦比亚妇女死亡的首要原因is when their sons get married. 就是她们的儿子要结婚But I'm not like that. 但是我不会这样I just want my Manny to be happy. 我只要曼尼高兴就好哩Manny, why don't you give your friend Kelly an empanada? 曼尼叫你的朋友凯莉吃肉卷馅饼Oh, no, thank you. 不了谢谢I try to stay away from trans fats. 我尽量避免摄入反式脂肪Oh, I'm sure one won't make a difference. 哎呀呀就吃一个没啥滴啦They're Manny's favorite! 这是曼尼的最爱哟I... think I'm going to stop eating trans fats, too. 我我也不要吃反式脂肪了Mom? When was this from? 妈这是在哪拍的Oh... That's the year your dad and I went to the rose bowl.这是我跟你爸去看玫瑰杯的时候拍的Oh... That's the year your dad and I went to the rose bowl. [玫瑰杯于加州举行的美式足球赛] - Incredible game. - Yeah. -那场老精彩了 -是啊Mom, you look really pretty. 妈你看起来真美Thank you, sweetheart. 谢谢你宝贝儿So, what happened? 那后来怎么回事Well, Lukey, everyone gets older. 小卢克人人都会变老嘛Just 'cause parts of your mom aren't what they used to be, 即便你妈的风采不再it doesn't meam... 也不代表...I mean, what happened in the game? 我是想问比赛后来怎么样了We got our butts kicked by Penn state. 我们输给了宾州队The parade was awesome, though. 但是游行非常棒Angela Lansbury was the grand marshal. 是安吉拉·兰斯伯里担任司仪Angela Lansbury was the grand marshal. [著名女演员] "Good time," she wrote. "美好的记忆" 她写道Okay, come on, guys. Let's get back to it. 行了继续收拾No one's gonna buy this heap looking this way. 堆着这么多东西没人会买的Hey, mom, which one is the garbage can? 恶妈妈垃圾丢哪边Um, it... 丢...Honey, you can't throw that away. 乖乖这个不能丢It's blankety. 这是小毯毯It's disgusting. 可它有够恶心No, sweetie, you loved blankety. 怎么会亲爱的你以前可喜欢它了You wouldn't go anywhere without him. 你上哪儿都要带着它Yeah, until Luke threw up on it. 哈直到卢克吐在上面Yeah. 哈哈I used to throw up all the time. 我年轻的时候老吐Remember buckety? 还记得呕吐桶桶吗Oh, look at this. 看这个What is that? 这是什么We went to the beach one day, 那天咱们去海边and Luke had such a good time. 卢克玩得很开心That he wanted to being home a jar of sunshine. 所以他要带一罐阳光回家So he could always remember it. 这样他就能永远记着了Do you remember, honey? 还记得吗亲爱的Oh, no... no, no, don't... don't open it. 不不不别别打开You really think you trapped sunshine in there? 你真以为你把阳光收进罐子里了I'm just letting you know now, 我现在通知你们I'm not taking care of him when you guys die. 你们死了之后我绝对不会管他的Stop. It's sweet. 别说了这样做很可爱的Still feels hot. 还热热的好吧Hey! It's that guy who came by earlier. 刚看车那家伙来电话了He was really interested. 貌似很想买What was his name? Shoot! 他叫啥来着快告诉我Well, you can't be in sales and not remember people's names. 做销售千万不能忘记客户姓名That's why I like to use what they call "minimonic" devices. 所以我用"迷你联想"来帮助记忆They're little tricks to help you remember. 这是帮助记忆的小诀窍Um, like the other day, I met this guy named Carl. 就像那天我认识了个家伙叫卡尔Now, I might forget that name, 现在我或许忘了他的名字But he was wearing a Grateful Dead T-shirt. 但我记得她穿着一件Grateful Dead的汗衫But he was wearing a Grateful Dead T-shirt. [Grateful Dead 美国摇滚乐队]What's a band like the Grateful Dead? 有什么乐队像Grateful DeadPhish. Where do fish live? Phish 鱼生活在哪里[跟"鱼"读音相近] Phish[同为美国摇滚乐队]The ocean. 海洋What else lives in the ocean? 什么东西生长在海洋Coral. 珊瑚Hello, "Coral". 你好卡罗[他本想卖弄却记错了] [Coral 意译珊瑚音译卡罗与卡尔音似]I think it's "mnemonic". 我记得这是"助记口诀"I... I think I'd remember. 啊… 我觉得我没记错Okay. 行吧You can do it, dad. 老爸你一定行的Okay. 好吧He looked like the drummer from foreigner. 他看起来像是个外国鼓手Now, foreigner's from France. 这个外国人来自法国France rhymes with "ants." 法国和蚂蚁押韵[英文单词读音]Ants ruin a picnic. 蚂蚁破坏了野餐What's up, Nick? 哈啰 Nick[和野餐后缀音同]Really? 是吗Really? 真的吗Well, that's great. 那太好了Yeah, no, swing by anytime. We're here all day. 随时欢迎我们一整天都在Thanks. 谢谢Guess what? 你猜怎么着You said I couldn't sell this? 谁说哥卖不出去Well, you're gonna be eating a humble pie. 你自打嘴巴了吧Stuffed with crow and a big side of sorry, 高兴不起来了吧真对不住了嘿'cause I just did. 我给它卖了In your face, girl with the negative tattoo! 当你的面卖出去了叫你老否定咱爷们Honey... 亲爱的Wait. 等等No! 不Whoa. Someone doesn't like to lose. 有人输不起了Honey. 宝贝Honey! 宝贝儿I'm sorry. 对不起I'm sorry. 对不起When I woke up this morning, I hated that car, 今早一睁眼我还很烦那辆车and even thinking about it made me mad. 就连想起它都让我抓狂But then when we were going through it, 但是我们一起经历了这么多and blankety... 还有那个可爱的小毯毯…all that stuff... I just... 所有这一切我只是The thought of that whole part of our life driving away...一想到那些美丽的日子就这样随车而逝了We can keep blankety. 我们可以留着小毯毯嘛I don't want... 但我不想...Look at them. 看看他们Come on. A minute ago, they were babies. 好像昨天他们还都只是小宝宝And now they're driving. 今天呢连车都会开了And soon we'll all be dead. 然后我们也不久于人世了Whoa! You're leaving out a few great minutes there. 打住你咋能忽略掉死前的美好时光呢Retirement, old age... 退休啊颐养天年啊Cool chair that goes up the stairs. 超级酷的爬楼梯自动椅子啊Yeah. I'm sorry. 是啊对不起I'm... being ridiculous. 我不该胡思乱想Don't apologize. I love you when you're human. 不用道歉我就喜欢你充满着人情味Listen. 听着Hey! listen! 听我说We don't have to sell the car. 车不卖了Oh, sweetie, of course we do. 亲爱的当然要卖It doesn't make any sense to keep it. 没理由要留着它Well, what can I do to make you feel better? 那我该怎么做才能让你感觉好点Nothing. 什么也不用做Unless you can build me a time machine. 除非你给我造一台时光机Honey... 亲爱的Until someone can figure out how to keep a wormhole 除非有人能想办法Until someone can figure out how to keep a wormhole [虫洞宇宙时间和空间壁上的洞] from collapsing in on itself. 阻止虫洞的倒塌That's just a pipe dream. 否则就是痴人说梦Sure. 是啊Phil! come on back, phil. 菲尔想都别想菲尔Well, I found the... 我找到了...I found the nail gun. 我找到了射钉枪Oh. Yay. 噢太好了The weirdest thing... it was wrapped in an old towel 奇怪的是它给裹在一条旧毛巾里stuffed in a box on the top shelf of the closet. 塞在盒子里在壁橱最顶上Well, just set it down on the counter. 赶紧把它放在柜台上Heads up! 小心Oh, dad, what are you doing here? 老爸你来这干嘛I'm, uh, just, uh, returning that crockpot that Gloria borrowed. 我只是来还歌洛莉亚借的电锅Oh, yeah, I forgot you had that crockpot, Jay. 我都忘了这码事了杰Well, we're just getting ready to build Lily a princess castle我们正准备给莉莉建造一座公主城堡if you... 如果你...- Want to help? - Yeah, sure. -想帮忙 -当然没问题Oh. Well, if it's okay with you, Mitchell. 只要你不介意的话米奇尔Oh, yeah! oh, no, dad. 好啊我没问题老爸Oh, remember how much fun we had 还记得当初我们一起做书架的时候吗when we built that bookshelf together? 多美好的回忆呀That was my vietnam. 那简直就像打了场越战And I was in vietnam. 我确实参加过越战Oh! Look at us! 看看我们哦Three construction dudes! 我们就是工匠三兄弟Dad, I'm gonna get you some workman gloves. 老爸我去给你拿几副专用手套I have a blue and camel. 我有蓝色的和驼色的What's your preference? 你喜欢哪个颜色的Surprise me. 你懂的Wouldn't it be easier 如果我们把东西都整理到同一个笔记本上if we had all our stuff in the same notebook? 那不就轻松多了You think? 你这么觉得I mean, we're always going back and forth. 这样我们就省的总是来回翻了I'll just put my things in your notebook. 我把我的笔记夹到你的本子上okay. 好的Who wants chocolate milk? 谁想喝巧克力奶呀Sure, mom. 我要妈妈- So how is it going? - Great! -进度如何呀 -好极了Kelly's moving her stuff 凯莉在把她的笔记into my notebook. 都搬到我的本子上This is sudden. 速度还真快啊It just felt right. 应该的Oh, you know what you should do? 你应该这样Put a pinch of salt in the chocolate milk. 在巧克力奶里放一撮盐It really brings out the flavor. 提味得多Salt is for the popcorn. 吃爆米花才用盐呢That sounds good. 听起来对味You wouldn't like it. 你不会喜欢的Maybe we should let Manny decide. 也许我们该让曼尼自己决定Okay. 好滴Here's the salt. 给你盐We'll see what he likes. 我们看他选哪个Wow! 天啊That's really good! 好喝翻了Try it, mom! 妈妈你试试I don't care for it. 老娘对这无爱It was delicious. 其实很好喝I finally got Lily down for a nap. 终于把莉莉哄睡了Where is Mitchell? 米奇尔在哪里He's not supposed to be unsupervised! 怎么能没人看着他呢Don't worry. 没事I got him in the garage putting flags on the spires. 我让他去车库给塔顶插旗子Okay, perfect. 哦那就好It's better that way. Nobody gets hurt. 这样最好省的有人受伤了We don't have to put flags on the spires. 插旗子这事儿也省了Yeah. 是啊All right, let's get this roof on. 好了我们来盖上屋顶It's supposed to snap right into place. 应该咔嚓就扣上了Hey! 嘿Whatcha got going on over there, Jigsaw? 你干的怎么样了电锯哥[电锯惊魂里的杀人狂] Well, I thought that I would get started 我觉得我得从吊桥开工on the, uh, drawbridge while you guys worked on the roof, so... 屋顶就归你们了所以... You all done with the flags?! 你的旗子都插好了吗Yeah! 当然Yeah, it took me like 15 minutes. 十五分钟就搞定了It was a lot easier than you made it out to be. 哪里像你说的那么麻烦Do something, Jay. 杰怎么办Uh, Mitch?! 米奇Yeah. 干嘛How about you make us some sandwiches? 你去弄点三明治吧No. No, we're in the middle of this. 不成不成我们还没完工呢No, I think what Jay's saying is, 不是杰的意思是说why don't you go sort some bolts? 你为什么不挑点螺栓来No, I sorted the bolts. 不用我已经挑好了- All of 'em? - There were six. -全部吗 -一共就六个W... what's going on with you two? 你们俩不对劲啊Are you... are you trying to get rid of me? 难道是想把我甩开不成Uh..., Mitch. 呃米奇Oh, my god. You are. 天你们真是闲我碍事You're... you're, like, in cahoots. 你们居然狼狈为奸Mitchell, I get scared, when you're around tools, 米奇尔你一碰工具我就害怕Honey, it's dangerous... 亲爱的这太危险了For me, for you, 对你对我for... our roses. 对我们的花花都是威胁Works better this way, kid. 孩子他说得对I mean, castle goes right up, 我是指顺利建好城堡Nobody gets sliced in half. 没人给一切两半Do you know how insulting this is? I was... 你们也太小看人了吧我可是…I was an intern at the songbird summer playhouse. 我可是在歌鸟夏季剧院实习过的Do you think that the town of Brigadoon 你们以为南海仙境那出戏just magically appeared? 就嗖一下变出来了吗Well, in the play, it did, but...the set... 当然戏里看着是这么回事但是那个布景the set was built with these two hands! 那个布景是我用这双手搭的Mitchell. Mitchell... 米奇尔米奇尔The Von Trapp mansion, Evita's balcony... 还有范特普庄园艾维塔的阳台Okay. Okay. 算了算了Oh, where are you going? 你这是要去哪I'm going on a walk, 我要暴走了and, oh, yeah, I can still do that by myself. 哈没错我还能自己走Watch. Oh, I hope I don't get hurt. 看着嘿哦好害怕会摔倒哦Oh, god, who put that doorjamb there? 哦妈呀谁这么缺德放个门柱在这儿I didn't see it. 害我没看见I ran right into it. 直接撞上去了Oh, no, I tripped! Walking is so hard! 哎呀糟糕绊着了走路好难的说That one didn't look like it was on purpose. 刚才那下可不像是故意的It was! 就是故意的Just a few more steps. 还有几步路Oh, sorry! 对不起!Step! Step! Sorry! 有台阶有台阶对不起- Phil?! - Sorry, sorry. -菲尔 -对不起对不起It's gonna be worth it. 这一跤绝对值No, it's not. 绝对不值Don't listen to her. 别听她瞎说And... 开...- Ow. Ow. Ow! - Sorry. Don't struggle. -嗷嗷嗷 -对不起不要乱动Stop struggling. 不要乱动Great. It's our car. 好惊喜啊我们的车Not a car. Kids? 不只是车哦孩子们"ti... " what? "时" 什么Tonight, Claire Dunphy, we are turning back the clock 今天晚上克莱尔·邓菲我们把时钟拨回to a simpler time... 那纯真年代...when families piled into their station wagons, 当年那个咱一家挤在旅行车里picked up some burgers, 捎上一些汉堡and went on a picnic up to granger point. 去郊外野餐的日子Honey, we don't have to do this. 亲爱的没必要吧Listen to her. 她说得对No, it's gonna be great. I talked to... 不啊会很好玩的我跟那个France, ants, picnic... 法国蚂蚁野餐%￥%@&*...Nick, and he's not picking up the car till tomorrow. 尼克说了他明天才来取车We have one more night of family fun! 我们还能来一次家庭大聚会What's gonna be fun about it? 能有啥意思Listen to him 谁说不是- Only everything. - Only nothing. -啥都有意思 -啥也没意思Okay, kids, you know what? 好了小朋友们Your father is trying to do something nice, 你们老爹要做好人好事so I would appreciate it if you would stop your whining 你们少抱怨点儿多好and just get in the car. 赶紧上车Still does it! 屡试不爽Oh, my! 啊哈Come on, get in, get in! 快点快点进去I'm just saying, the kid's gotta learn to let things go. 我不得不说他得学会释怀Well, this is a touchy subject for Mitchell. 这对米奇尔是个敏感话题He wants to feel like a regular joe, like you and I. 他就想体现男子汉的一面就像咱俩Oh, pardonnez-moi. 哦不好意思I prefer the champagne Dijon to the standard yellow. 比起普通香槟我更倾向于第戎香槟You know, there are a few areas that define us as men, 要证明自己是纯爷们方法很多你懂的like sports and construction. 比如运动健身还有木工啥的Mitchell just wants to feel like he's... 米奇尔只是想证明自个是part of the man club. 爷们俱乐部中的一员Isn't that where you guys met? 你俩不就那地儿认识的I know you're making a joke because you're uncomfortable,我知道你这开玩笑是因为基佬氛围让你不适so I'll let it slide. 我当没听见and we met at an orgy. 我们在性派对上认识的Come on. 淡定I just think it's crazy, that's all. 我就觉得那啥太疯狂了仅此而已So what if he can't swing a hammer? 他拿不稳锤子又怎么着Look at all he has done. 要看他好的一面啊Law school, great career, providing for his family. 法律学校出身事业蒸蒸日上还能养家糊口That's manly, too, isn't it? 未必还不够爷们I mean, the classical sense. 传统意义上很不错了Well, yes, I mean, I think it also takes a big man 对是同样我觉得to quit his career as a music teacher 辞去音乐老师的工作回家养孩子and raise a child. 也是爷们所为You're a man, too, Cam. 你也很爷们小卡Thank you, Jay. 谢谢杰Wait. Garnish. We're men... 等等忘了装饰再爷们not cavemen. 也要讲究啦My great-great-grandfather 我爷爷的爷爷的爷爷helped build the Brooklyn bridge. 参与过建造布鲁克林大桥And I heard that, until the day he died, 我听说在他有生之年里every time he passed it, he was filled with such pride. 每每经过大桥一股自豪感便油然而生He'd say, "there's a little bit of me in that bridge." 他会说这桥有我一份功劳I know that I'm not the handiest guy, 我知道自己不手巧but I'm still a man, 但我是男人嘛and I want to be able to look out into my yard and say... 我只希望能望向自家后院深情道出…"there's a little bit of me in that princess castle." 这公主城堡有我一份功劳Oh, no. No. No, no, no. No. 哦不不要啊No. Oh, no. 不要啊Hey, mom. 嘿妈妈Kelly's parents are on their way. 凯莉的父母马上就要来了She invited me to go out to dinner and a movie with them. 她邀请我和他们一起吃饭看电影Is that okay? 你批准吗Oh, but... 哦可是...I thought that you and I were going to the movies tonight. 不是说好咱俩去看电影吗You know, to see that one with Shia Labeouf. 就是希亚·拉博夫演的那个呀You know, to see that one with Shia Labeouf. [《变形金刚》男主角]Well, maybe we can go to the movie another night. 我们可以改天晚上去看呀W... what's wrong? 怎么了Oh, nothing. 没事啦Just my heart. 小心脏好难受Okay, sue me. 好呀告我去呀I am a Colombian mother. 我就是一个哥伦比亚妈妈I'm not gonna let him make a mistake 我才不会让他犯错误that is gonna affect him for the rest of my life! 影响我滴一生His life! 他滴一生Manny, 曼尼I think we should talk about this Kelly girl. 我觉得是时候谈谈凯莉的问题了Isn't she great? 她是不是巨好I think she really likes me. 我觉得她对我有意思Why wouldn't she like you, baby? Of course. 她怎么可能会对你没意思呢当然啦Go. Have fun. 去吧玩开心呀I'm gonna wear my burgundy dinner jacket. 我决定穿那件酒红色西装Of course you are. 穿去吧I say we apologize 我觉得应该先道歉and just finish the castle together like he wanted. 然后按照他的意思一起把城堡修好- Did you hide the nail gun? - Absolutely. -你有把射钉枪藏好吧 -必须的'cause, I mean, you said that before. 问题是上回你也这么说来着No, I... 不是我...Oh, my gosh. It's finished. 哦天啊已经盖好了What the hell? Mitchell did that? 什么情况米奇尔干的吗Yes. Yes, Mitchell did it. 对啊对啊就是米奇尔干的Who's the bitch now, bitches? 傻眼了吧贱人们Honey, it looks beautiful! 亲爱的真漂亮Well, yeah, because when you two were inside 当然啦你们两个在里面enjoying your little tea party, I was out here... 搞家家酒的时候我一人在这里out here getting stuff done. 辛苦干活I'm sorry. 我错了We shouldn't have underestimated you. 我们不该小看你You know he's stuck in there, right? 看出来他被困在里面了吧Oh, yeah. 太明显了Uh, hey, kid, Cam and I are gonna go crack a couple cold ones. 嘿儿子我和小卡要去喝点冰啤酒You want to join us? 你要不要一起啊No, no, you know what? 不用了I'm just gonna stay here and get some stuff done, 我就留下把剩下的活做完but you... you two ladies enjoy your light beers. 你们两位小姐进去喝点淡啤吧How do you know we're having light beers? 你怎么知道我们要喝淡啤We only have light beers. 家里只有淡啤So, well, listen. 听着- Here is a hammer. - I don't need it. I don't need it, though. -锤子在这里 -放这儿干嘛我又不用- And this is a screwdriver. - But I'm not gonna use it. -这个是螺丝刀 -我又用不着And you just come on in whenever you want to. 你想喝酒就进来I'll be in at... yeah. 马上就… 来You sure we shouldn't get him out of there? 你确定不用把他弄出来No. He would never forgive us. 不用否则他永远不会原谅我们的He's a very proud man, your son. 你儿子自尊心强着呢Bird! Bird! 鸟鸟Bird! ah, oh, my god! oh, my god! 有鸟天啊啊啊Yeah, I'm pretty proud of myself right now. 我现在可自豪的很啊Ohh! oh, my god! 我的妈呀Calm down. 淡定Luke, honey, slow down. 卢克宝贝慢点吃No one's gonna take your food away. 没人跟你抢Wow, this place has really changed. 这地方变化可真大啊Time marches on, huh? 光阴荏苒啊See that Starbucks down there? 看到下面那家星巴克了吗You know what that used to be? 你们知道那儿原来是什么吗An orange grove? 橘子园吗No, a Burger King. 不对是汉堡王You can still see some of the architecture. 还能看到当时的建筑风格Thank you... for this. 谢谢你做这些I really do feel better already. 我真的感觉好多了You can go home again, Claire. 克莱尔美丽的日子一直都在Oh, sweetie. 亲爱的My stomach hurts. 我胃疼Luke, honey, I told you not to eat so fast. 卢克宝贝叫你别吃那么快Just sit back, relax. You're gonna be fine. 坐回去休息一下就没事的- Ew! Spider! - Haley! -有蜘蛛 -海莉-Haley! - Haley, honey, -海莉 -海莉宝贝you're standing on the back of daddy's seatbelt! 你踩住你爸的安全带了Oh, soft cheeses, I can breathe again. 偶滴神啊又能呼吸了Wait. Where'd the spider go? 等等蜘蛛到哪儿去了I really need some air. 我得透透气Okay, Alex, lower your window. 好吧艾丽克斯把车窗摇下来I can't. It's stuck. 我摇不动它卡住了I forgot about that. 我把这事给忘了Don't you throw up on me. 不准吐我身上Ohh. Don't point him at me! 别把他推给我Here, I'll turn on the... Haley!! 在这儿我把这个打开… 海莉Oh! Oh, honey, I think that's the heat. 亲爱的我想这应该是暖气。