老友记第一季第一集中央咖啡馆这没什么好说的There's nothing to tell!他不过是我的同事He's just some guy I work with!少来了你们都在约会了C'mon, you're going out with the guy!这个男人一定有什么问题There's gotta be something wrong with him! 他是驼背吗戴着假发的驼背So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?等等他吃粉笔吗Wait, does he eat chalk?我只是不想你Just, 'cause, I don't want her to go through 重蹈我和卡尔的覆辙what I went through with Carl拜托各位放松点这甚至不算是约会Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date.只不过是两个人出去吃个饭It's just two people going out to dinner而且不会上床and not having sex.听起来像是和我约会Sounds like a date to me.于是我回到了高中学校Alright, so I'm back in high school,我站在食堂中间I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria 然后发现自己全身赤裸and I realize I am totally naked.噢做过那种梦Oh, yeah. Had that dream.然后我低下头看见那里有一部Then I look down, and I realize there's a phone大哥大there.-那话儿变成了-没错- Instead of...? - That's right. -这种梦倒从未做过-没有- Never had that dream. - No.突然那电话响起来了All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. 结果是我妈打来的And it turns out it's my mother,这非常非常奇怪which is very-very weird because-因为她从来不打电话给我she never calls me!嗨Hi.这家伙一张嘴打招呼我就想自杀This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself. 你还好吧亲爱的Are you okay, sweetie?我感觉有人把手伸入我的喉咙I just feel like someone reached down my throat抓住我的小肠grabbed my small intestine,从我嘴里扯出来pulled it out of my mouth然后缠在我脖子上and tied it around my neck...饼干Cookie?卡罗尔今天把她的东西搬走了Carol moved her stuff out today-我帮你泡杯咖啡-谢了- Let me get you some coffee. - Thanks. 不不要别再净化我的灵气了No, no don't! Stop cleansing my aura!求你了别碰我的灵气好吗No, just leave my aura alone, okay?我会没事的好吧I'll be fine, alright?真的各位我希望她能幸福Really, everyone. I hope she'll be very happy.-不你不会-没错我不会的- No you don't. - No I don't,去她的她甩掉了我to hell with her, she left me!你又不知道她是女同性恋And you never knew she was a lesbian...不知道行了吧No!! Okay?!为何大家都绕着这个话题打转Why does everyone keep fixating on that?她都不知道我怎么会知道She didn't know, how should I know?有时我希望自己也是个女同性恋Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian...我大声说出来了么Did I say that out loud?好了罗斯瞧Alright Ross, look.你现在很痛苦You're feeling a lot of pain right now.你很生气很伤心You're angry. You're hurting.要不要我给你支一招Can I tell you what the answer is?脱衣舞俱乐部Strip joint!别这样作为光棍儿爷们起来C'mon, you're single! Have some hormones! 我不想单身的好吗I don't want to be single, okay?我只想再次结婚I just...I just wanna be married again!而我只想要一百万美金And I just want a million dollars!瑞秋Rachel?!噢天啊莫妮卡嗨谢天谢地Oh,God, Monica, hi! Thank God!我刚去了你家可你不在I just went to your building and you weren't there有个拿大锤子的家伙说你可能会在这儿and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here结果你真的在这儿你真的在这儿and you are, you are!-要来杯咖啡吗-无咖啡因的- Can I get you some coffee? - De-Caff 好了各位这是瑞秋Okay, everybody, this is Rachel,另一位林肯高中的幸存者another Lincoln High survivor.这就是各位啦这是钱德勒This is everybody, this is Chandler,菲比还有乔伊and Phoebe, and Joey,还记得我哥哥罗斯吗and you remember my brother Ross?-当然嗨-嗨- Hi, sure! - Hi.你是想现在跟我们说说So you wanna tell us now还是我们再等四位湿漉漉的伴娘过来or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?噢上帝好吧Oh, God...well,大概在婚礼前半个小时it started about a half hour before the wedding. 我当时在存放礼品的房间里I was in the room where we were keeping all the presents,看着调味汁瓶and I was looking at this gravy boat.那是一件极其美丽的里摩日细瓷调味汁瓶This really gorgeous Limoges gravy boat.然后突然间When all of a sudden有糖吗Sweet 'n' Lo?我发现我对这个调味汁瓶I realized that I was more turned on比巴瑞更能引发我的兴奋感by this gravy boat than by Barry!然后我真的吓坏了And then I got really freaked out,突然想到and that's when it hit me:巴瑞真的超像薯头先生how much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head. 我是说我总是觉得他眼熟Y'know, I mean, I always knew looked familiar,但是but...不管怎么说我必须离开那里Anyway, I just had to get out of there,我开始想and I started wondering"我干吗这么做我这么做是为了谁" "Why am I doing this, and who am I doing this for?"不管怎么说我不知该去哪里So anyway I just didn't know where to go, 而且我知道我们有点疏远了and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart,但是你是我在这个城市but you're the only person I knew唯一认识的人who lived here in the city.还没有被邀请参加婚礼Who wasn't invited to the wedding.噢我希望这不是个问题Ooh, I was kinda hoping that wouldn't be an issue...我猜他送她一台管风琴Now I'm guessing that he bought her the big pipe organ,而她很不喜欢and she's really not happy about it.爸爸我只是不能嫁给他Daddy, I just... I can't marry him!对不起我只是不爱他I'm sorry. I just don't love him.可是对我来说就有关系Well, it matters to me!噢她真不应该穿那条裤子Ooh, she should not be wearing those pants. 要我说推她下楼I say push her down the stairs.推她下楼把推她下楼把推她下楼Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs!爸你听我说C'mon Daddy, listen to me! 这就好像在我一生中It's like, it's like, all of my life,所有人都一直告诉我"你是一只鞋子everyone has always told me, 'You're a shoe! 你是鞋子你是鞋子你是鞋子You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe!'. 可今天我停下来说And today I just stopped and I said,"如果我不想成为一只鞋呢"'What if I don't wanna be a shoe?如果我想当一个包包或是一顶帽子呢What if I wanna be a- a purse, y'know? Or a- or a hat!不我不是要你给我买帽子No, I'm not saying I want you to buy me a hat, 我说我是一顶帽子I'm saying I am a ha-这是比喻啦爸爸It's a metaphor, Daddy!这就是他的问题所在了You can see where he'd have trouble.听着爸爸这是我的人生Look Daddy, it's my life.也许我可以和莫妮卡住在一起Well maybe I'll just stay here with Monica.我猜和莫妮卡一起住的人选已然敲定了Well, I guess we've established who's staying here with Monica...也许那是我的决定Well, maybe that's my decision.也许我不需要你的钱Well, maybe I don't need your money.等等我说也许Wait!! Wait, I said maybe!!深呼吸Just breathe, breathe...that's it.就这样试着想些美好平静的事物Just try to think of nice calm things...玫瑰上的雨滴小兔子和小猫咪Rain drops on roses and rabbits and kittens还有风铃草雪橇铃和啥啥的手套bluebells and sleighbells and something with mittens...啦啦啦啥啥和绳子串起的面条La la la something and noodles with string. 还有一些These are a few...我现在好多了I'm all better now.我帮上忙啦I helped!瞧或许这样反倒最好Okay, look, this is probably for the best,y'know?你独立了可以主宰自己的人生Independence. Taking control of your life. 如有任何需求尽管来找乔伊And hey, you need anything, you can always come to Joey.我和钱德勒就住在对面Me and Chandler live across the hall.而且他经常不在家And he's away a lot.乔伊别再勾引她了Joey, stop hitting on her!今天是她结婚的日子It's her wedding day!怎么啦难道还有什么明文规定不成What, like there's a rule or something?请不要在这么干了这声音很烦人Please don't do that again, it's a horrible sound.我是保罗It's, uh, it's Paul.让他进来Buzz him in.-保罗是谁-调酒的那个保罗吗- Who's Paul? - Paul the Wine Guy, Paul?也许吧Maybe.等等你今晚的"非正式约会"对象Wait. Your 'not a real date' tonight是调酒师保罗is with Paul the Wine Guy?-他终于开口约你了吗-是的- He finally asked you out? - Yes! 噢这真是值得永久铭记的时刻Ooh, this is a Dear Diary moment.瑞秋我可以取消Rach, wait, I can cancel...不你去吧我没事Please, no, go, that'd be fine!罗斯你没事吧你要我留下来吗Are, are you okay? I mean, do you want me to stay?那样最好That'd be good...-真的吗-才怪去吧- Really? - No, go on!那可是调酒师保罗It's Paul the Wine Guy!嗨请进保罗这是Hi, come in! Paul, this is...大家各位这是保罗...everybody, everybody, this is Paul.-嘿保罗-你好- Hey! Paul! - Hello!嗨调酒师Hi! The Wine Guy!抱歉没听清你的名字保罗是吗I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name. Paul, was it?好了坐会马上就好Okay, sit down. Two seconds.噢我刚拔掉四根睫毛不是好兆头Ooh, I just pulled out four eyelashes. That can't be good.瑞秋你你今晚打算怎么过So Rachel, what're you, uh... what're you up to tonight?这个嘛本来我应该Well, I was kinda supposed to be在阿鲁巴岛度蜜月所以没事做headed for Aruba on my honeymoon, so nothing!对哦你都不能去度蜜月上帝Right, you're not even getting your honeymoon, God..不过在阿鲁巴岛的这个时候说到你的No, no, although, Aruba, this time of year... talk about your大蜥蜴big lizards...不管怎样如果你今晚不想独处的话Anyway, if you don't feel like being alone tonight,乔伊和钱德勒要到我那儿Joey and Chandler are coming over to help me 帮我组合新家具put together my new furniture.是呀我们特别期待特别兴奋Yes, and we're very excited about it.真的很感谢Well actually thanks,不过我今晚想待在这儿but I think I'm just gonna hang out here tonight.-今天真的很漫长-好吧当然了- It's been kinda a long day. - Okay, sure.菲比你想来帮忙吗Hey, Pheebs, you wanna help?我倒希望能去帮忙但我不想去Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to.我应该用一套这样的小蜗杆I'm supposed to attach a brackety thing to the side things,将托架装在侧面using a bunch of these little worm guys.但我没看见托架也没有看见什么蜗杆I have no brackety thing, I see no whim guys whatsoever而且我的腿麻了and I cannot feel my legs.这是什么What's this?我也不知道I have no idea.-书架做好了-全部完工- Done with the bookcase! - All finished!这是卡罗尔最爱喝的啤酒This was Carol's favorite beer. 她总是不用易拉罐喝我该知道She always drank it out of the can, I should have known.罗斯我问你一个问题Ross, let me ask you a question.她得到了家具音响和很棒的电视机She got the furniture, the stereo, the good TV- 你得到什么what did you get?你们You guys.-天啊-你被坑了- Oh, my God. - You got screwed.天哪Oh my God!-天哪-我知道我是个大白痴- Oh my God! - I know, I know, I'm such an idiot.她每周看四五次牙医时I guess I should have caught on when我心里就该有数了she started going to the dentist four and five times a week.我是说牙齿能需要多干净呢I mean, how clean can teeth get?我哥也碰到这种事了他也很纠结My brother's going through that right now, he's such a mess.你是怎么熬过来的How did you get through it?你可以尝试不小心砸烂她贵重的东西Well, you might try accidentally breaking something valuable of hers,-比如她的-腿- say her... - ...leg?那也是种选择至于我嘛That's one way! Me, I-我砸烂了她的表I went for the watch.你真的把她的表弄坏了You actually broke her watch?巴瑞对不起真是对不起Barry, I'm sorry... I am so sorry...你一定认为这件事跟I know you probably think that this is all about 我那天说你穿着袜子做爱有关what I said the other day about you making love with your socks on,其实不是是我的原因我只是but it isn't... it isn't, it's about me, and I just... 喂电话又断了Hi, machine cut me off again...不管怎样听着anyway...look, look,你知道最可怕的是什么You know what the scariest part is?万一人这一辈子只有一个女人怎么办What if there's only one woman for everybody, y'know?我是说如果你找了个女人I mean what if you get one woman-然后就此过一生and that's it?不幸的是我唯一的女人爱的是女人Unfortunately in my case, there was only one woman- for her...你说什么呢"一个女人"What are you talking about? 'One woman'?这就像是在说你只能吃一种冰淇淋口味That's like saying there's only one flavor of ice cream for you.让我告诉你罗斯还有很多种口味Lemme tell you something, Ross. There's lots of flavors out there.有巧克力坚果味曲奇味还有香草味There's Rocky Road, and Cookie Dough, and Bing! Cherry Vanilla.还可以和糖条果仁或者奶油一起吃You could get 'em with Jimmies, or nuts, or whipped cream!这简直是你一生中最大的喜事This is the best thing that ever happened to you!你难道是八岁结的婚吗You got married, you were, like, what, eight? 欢迎回到现实世界拿起勺子开挖吧Welcome back to the world! Grab a spoon! 我真不晓得现在自己是真饿了还是欲火难耐I honestly don't know if I'm hungry or horny. 离我的冰箱远点Stay out of my freezer!自从她甩掉我之后我就Ever since she walked out on me, I, uh...怎么了你打算边搅面条边讲吗What?... What, you wanna spell it out with noodles?不这该是第五次约会时候才说的事儿No, it's, it's more of a fifth date kinda revelation.噢这么说会有第五次约会了Oh, so there is gonna be a fifth date?你不想吗Isn't there?想我想的Yeah... yeah, I think there is.你刚才想说什么What were you gonna say?好吧自从她离开后Well, ever-ev-... ever since she left me,我就一直无法过um, I haven't been able to, uh, perform.性生活...Sexually.天啊天啊对不起Oh, God, Oh, God, I am sorry...-真不好意思-没事没事- I am so sorry... - It's okay...我知道你现在需要的必然不是被人喷一身水I know being spit on is probably not what you need right now.-多久了-两年了- Um... how long? - Two years.我真高兴你砸烂了她的表Wow! I'm-I'm-I'm glad you smashed her watch!那你还想要第五次约会吗So you still think you, um... might want that fifth date?是的我希望有...Yeah. Yeah, I do.看乔安妮是爱卡奇的Oh...see... but Joanne loved Chachi!这就是不同That's the difference!"拿起勺子"Grab a spoon.你知道我拿起勺子多久了吗Do you know how long it's been since I've grabbed a spoon?难道"比利别逞英雄"这句话对你没意义Do the words 'Billy, don't be a hero' mean anything to you?《比利别逞英雄》年代反战歌曲还有个问题Y'know, here's the thing.就算我鼓足了勇气想约个女人出来Even if I could get it together enough to- to ask a woman out,...我又能约谁呢who am I gonna ask?不可思议吧Isn't this amazing?我这辈子从没泡过咖啡I mean, I have never made coffee before in my entire life.-真不可思议-恭喜你了- That is amazing. - Congratulations.既然你现在正进入角色While you're on a roll有没有想做个煎蛋卷之类的东西If you feel like you have to make a Western omelet or something..不过事实上我还不太饿Although actually I'm really not that hungry... -早安-早安- Morning. - Good morning.-早安-早安保罗- Morning. - Morning, Paul.-你好保罗-嗨保罗是吧- Hello, Paul. - Hi, Paul, is it?-谢谢太感谢你了-不要这样- Thank you. Thank you so much. - Stop. 晚点联系We'll talk later.谢谢你Yeah. Thank you.那还不叫真正的约会That wasn't a real date?!那你真正的约会到底要干些什么What the hell do you do on a real date?-闭嘴把桌子抬回去-好啦- Shut up, and put my table back. - Okayyy! 好了孩子们我必须上班去了All right, kids, I gotta get to work.但如果我不输入那些数字If I don't input those numbers...也没什么关系it doesn't make much of a difference...你们大伙儿都有工作So, like, you guys all have jobs?对我们都有工作Yeah, we all have jobs.这样才有钱买东西See, that's how we buy stuff.对我是个演员Yeah, I'm an actor.你演过什么我看过吗Wow! Would I have seen you in anything? 难说大部分范围都挺小的I doubt it. Mostly regional work.等下除非你碰巧看过Oh wait, wait, unless you happened to catch the《匹诺曹》的重播Reruns' production of Pinocchio."瞧盖佩多我是真正的小男孩了"'Look, Gippetto, I'm a real live boy.'《匹诺曹》的剧中台词-别这么侮辱人-你说得对对不起- I will not take this abuse. - You're right, I'm sorry."我曾是个小木偶小木偶""Once I was a wooden boy, a little wooden boy..."今天感觉如何So how you doing today?睡得还好吧跟巴瑞谈过了吗Did you sleep okay? Talk to Barry?我无法停止笑I can't stop smiling.看得出来I can see that.你活像昨晚睡觉时嘴里放了个撑衣架You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth.我知道他是那么I know, he's just so, so...还记得你和托尼·德马科吗Do you remember you and Tony DeMarco? 记得啊Oh, yeah.就像那样那种感觉Well, it's like that. With feelings.-哇你真是有麻烦了- Wow,are you in trouble!好啦好啦我要站起来去工作Okay. Okay. I am just going to get up, go to work而且一整天都不要想他and not think about him all day.或者只是站起来去工作Or else I'm just gonna get up and go to work. -祝我好运-为什么- Oh, look, wish me luck! - What for?我要去找那个工作什么的东西I'm gonna go get one of those job things.嘿莫妮卡Hey, Monica!嘿弗兰妮欢迎回来Hey Frannie, welcome back!在佛罗里达过得如何How was Florida?你做爱了对不You had sex, didn't you?-你怎么知道的- How do you do that?那么和谁So? Who?你认识保罗吧You know Paul? 保罗那个调酒的Paul the Wine Guy?对我认识保罗Oh yeah, I know Paul.你是说你认识他就像我认识他一样You mean you know Paul like I know Paul? 开玩笑吧保罗还欠我一个人情呢Are you kidding? I take credit for Paul.遇到我之前他已有两年无法过性生活Y'know before me, there was no snap in his turtle for two years.显然他是骗你的Of course it was a line!为什么为什么会有人那样做Why?! Why? Why, why would anybody do something like that?我想你是想让我们拿出一个I assume we're looking for an answer more sophisticated比"想和你上床"更为复杂的回答than 'to get you into bed'.问题出在我身上Is it me?难道我身上带着某种味儿Is it like I have some sort of beacon只有狗和有严重情感问题的男人才会发觉吗that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear?好啦过来把你的脚给我All right, c'mere, gimme your feet.我只是以为他是个好男人I just thought he was nice, y'know?我真不相信你不知道那是个谎言I can't believe you didn't know it was a line! -猜猜怎么了-你找到工作了- Guess what? - You got a job?开玩笑吗我什么都不会Are you kidding? I'm trained for nothing!今天十二个面试我都是被嘲笑轰出来的I was laughed out of twelve interviews today. 不过你却异常兴奋And yet you're surprisingly upbeat.如果你遇见"约翰&大卫"的皮靴打五折You would be too if you found John and David boots on sale,也会跟我一样的fifty percent off!是呀你多了解我啊Oh, how well you know me...这就是我不需要工作They're my new 'I don't need a job,不需要父母一双好皮靴足矣I don't need my parents, I've got great boots' boots!你怎么付的款How'd you pay for them?用信用卡Uh, credit card.那谁付账单And who pays for that?我爸啊Um... my... father.拜托你不能靠你爸一辈子C'mon, you can't live off your parents your whole life.我知道这就是为什么我要结婚I know that. That's why I was getting married. 饶了她吧第一次独立并不轻松Give her a break, it's hard being on your own for the first time.谢谢Thank you.不客气我记得我第一次来纽约时的情景You're welcome. I remember when I first came to this city.当时我十四岁I was fourteen.我妈刚自杀我继父再度入狱My mom had just killed herself and mystep-dad was back in prison,我来到这里举目无亲and I got here, and I didn't know anybody.最后我和一个白化病患者住在一起And I ended up living with this albino guy who was, like, 他给港务局的人清洗车窗玻璃cleaning windshields outside port authority, 后来他也自杀了and then he killed himself,然后我成了按摩师and then I found aromatherapy.所以相信我我完全了解你的感受So believe me, I know exactly how you feel. 你想要说的话是The word you're looking for is"无论如何""Anyway"...好了准备好了吗All right, you ready?-我不这么想- I don't think so.剪掉剪掉剪掉C'mon, cut. Cut, cut, cut,...欢迎来到现实世界Welcome to the real world!它糟透了但你会喜欢的It sucks. You're gonna love it!好啦你要睡在沙发上吗Well, that's it. You gonna crash on the couch? 不我要回家No. No, I gotta go home sometime.-你没事吧-没事- You be okay? - Yeah.莫妮卡看我在地板上发现了什么Hey Mon, look what I just found on the floor. 什么What?那是保罗的表That's Paul's watch.放回原地就好了You just put it back where you found it. Oh boy-好吧晚安各位-晚安- Alright. Goodnight, everybody. - Goodnight.-对不起-不不你来- Sorry- - No no no, go-不不你吃吧真的我不想吃No, you have it, really, I don't want it-分着吃-好吧- Split it? - Okay.你大概不知道You know you probably didn't know this, 我在高中时曾经but back in high school, I had a, um,暗恋过你major crush on you.我知道I knew.你知道哦You did! Oh....我还以为你一直认为I always figured you just thought我是莫妮卡的怪哥哥呢I was Monica's geeky older brother.的确如此I did.听着你是不是认为Oh. Listen, do you think不要太在意我and try not to let my intense vulnerability 脆弱的心灵become any kind of a factor here但是你觉得我能约你出去吗but do you think it would be okay if I asked you out?偶尔有可能吗Sometime? Maybe?当然或许Yeah, maybe...好好或许我会的Okay... okay, maybe I will...-晚安-晚安- Goodnight. - Goodnight.再见See ya....等等你怎么了Waitwait, what's the deal?我刚刚拿起了勺子I just grabbed a spoon.我真不敢相信我的耳朵I can't believe what I'm hearing here. 我真不敢相信我的耳朵I can't believe what I'm hearing here...怎么了我说你有一个What? I-I said you had a我说你有一个What I said you had...你能不能不这么干Would you stop?-噢我又来了-是的- Oh, was I doing it again? - Yes!有人要咖啡吗Would anybody like more coffee?是你冲的还是你端来的Did you make it, or are you just serving it?-我端来的-好吧给我来杯咖啡- I'm just serving it. - Yeah. Yeah, I'll have a cup of coffee.孩子们我又做新梦了Kids, new dream...我在拉斯维加斯I'm in Las Vegas.我是丽莎·明妮莉I'm Liza Minelli-。
