初中幽默故事
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幽默故事集锦
He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny?
Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and
he won.
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What
happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his
mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with
the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents
more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age,
the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking
questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk',
dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing
two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am
drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
Hospitality
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an
apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the
room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese
which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the
cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes
than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the
rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
◆
I was accompanying my husband on a business trip. He carried his
portable computer with him, and the guard at the airport gate asked
him to open the case. It was locked, and the man waited patiently
as my embarrassed spouse struggled to remember the
combination . At last he succeeded.
'Why are you so nervous?' I asked him.
'The numbers are the date of our anniversary.' my usband
confessed.
◆
Mother: Why are you jumping up and down?
Tom: I've just taken some medicine and I forgot to shake the bottle.
◆
One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.
On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was
and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called
out.'The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned
your headlights and windshield.'
My husband looked up and said, 'Mom's here?'
Mary was so disgusted at her husband's cigarette smoking that
she complained to him one day.
'I hope that all the cigarette factories will catch fire someday.'
'Don't worry, dear. All the cigarettes will be on fire sooner or
later.' He said with a smile.
◆
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with
the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents
more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
Nest and Hair
My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her
pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.
"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.
"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister
encouraged her .
"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "
I've Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "
A Woman Who Fell
It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's
Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump,
middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on
the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum
carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however,
she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me
and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your
feet?"
