生活大爆炸第四季剧本 S04E23

Series 4 Episode 18 – The Prestidigitation ApproximationScene: Leonard’s bedroomPriya: Morning.Leonard: Morning.Priya: Sleep okay?Leonard: Mm-hmm. Great. Hey, can I ask you something?Priya: Sure.Leonard: Last night, me wanting to try that stuff out of the Kama Sutra, was that fun for you or kinda racially insensitive?Priya: Yeah, just because you’re in bed with an Indian woman, you think that gives you permission to use crazy positions from an ancient Indian love manual?Leonard: Hey, if you can find a book called weird sex with white boys, I’d be okay with that.Priya: No, you have such beautiful eyes. Have you ever thought about getting contacts?Leonard: I tried in the seventh grade. I could never get used to them.Priya: Oh, that’s too bad.Leonard: Yeah, if I had contacts I would have been the coolest debate club president ever to be stuffed into his own cello case.Priya: If you had them on now, you could see what we’re going to do next.Leonard: Th-th-th-that’s okay. I can infer from context.Scene: The cafeteria.Howard: Hey, Raj, wanna see a new magic trick I’ve been working on?Sheldon: Howard, if I may interject here with a piece of friendly advice. Is working on magic tricks really how you wan t to spend your time? Granted, you’re just an engineer, but that doesn’t mean you might not someday build a geegaw or a thingamabob that may get you a thank you in someone else’s Nobel prize acceptance speech.Raj: Is the trick making him disappear? Sure, let’s see it.Howard: Here, shuffle these.Raj: Okay.Howard: Now spread them out on the table face down. Pick one, look at it.Raj: Okay.Howard: Now remember your card, put it back in the deck.Sheldon: Is it any wonder he doesn’t have a doctorate?Howard: Remind me, what’s your birthday?Raj: October sixth.Howard: Okay, October is the tenth month. So ten, one plus zero is one, plus six is seven. Turn over the seventh card.Raj: How about that!Howard: Is that your card?Raj: Yes, it is. Very cool!Sheldon: It’s not cool. It’s a childish trick designed to confuse and intrigue simpletons. How’d you do it?Howard: A magician never reveals his secrets. But surely a future Nobel prize winner can figure it out.Sheldon: Fine. Give me a second.Howard: You ever notice when he thinks real hard, it smells like bacon?(Leonard enters, bumps into random man)Random man: Oh, hey!Leonard: Sorry! Oop!(Continues across room bumping into nearly everyone in the room and knocking many things over)Leonard: Sorry! Pardon me! Oh, I’m so sorry! My fault! Check it out. I just got contacts.Credits sequence.Scene: The apartment.Penny: One, two, three, four, five. No way.Howard: That’s your card, right?Penny: Seven of clubs! That is amazing!Sheldon: It’s not amazi ng. All magic tricks are merely a combination of manipulation and misdirection with the occasional dwarf in a box wiggling his feet.Howard: Oh, really? So how did I do it?Sheldon: Well, I don’t care how you did it. I have more important things to think a bout. Clearly, the cards are marked.Howard: I thought you had more important things to think about.Sheldon: I do. You just happen to have caught me on a break. Oh, let me see those cards.Penny: Oh, big deal. Not knowing is part of the fun.Sheldon: Not knowing is part of the fun. Was that the motto of your community college?Leonard: Hey, guys, what do you think? Priya took me clothes shopping.Penny: Hey, you look great. Good for you, Priya. I could never get that stupid hoodie off him when we were… wel l, you look great.Leonard: Thank you.Priya: Lets go hang everything up.Leonard: Yeah, good. New contacts. I should have done this years ago.Howard: So you finally getting used to them doing it on a daily basis?Penny: I’m not going out with him. He can sleep with whoever he wants.Howard: Yeah, I was talking to Raj.Penny: Oopsy.Sheldon: This deck is rigged in some fashion.Howard: Fine. Get another deck and I’ll do the trick with that.Sheldon: So you’re saying this is a regulation deck?Howard: I’m s aying believe in magic, you muggle.Penny: You know, well, I’m happy Leonard’s found someone. Not that anybody asked.Scene: Leonard’s bedroomPriya: How many Star Trek uniforms do you have?Leonard: Just two. Everyday and dress.Priya: Uh-huh. Listen, we need to talk about something.Leonard: Oh, my god, you’re breaking up with me! Why would you take me out shopping and then break up with me? That is so cruel.Priya: Leonard, I’m not breaking up with you.Leonard: Oh, okay. So, what’s up?Priya: It’s a li ttle weird, your ex-girlfriend hanging out here all the time.Leonard: I know. I usually never see my ex-girlfriends, unless their hard drives crash.Priya: I’m just saying, how would you feel if I was hanging out with my ex-boyfriend?Leonard: Um, not great, I guess. But Penny and I are just friends.Priya: I don’t care. This is a woman you have slept with. If you want her around, then I have to wonder if maybe you’re not ready to move on.Leonard: No, no-no-no, I’m ready! I gave up the gift of sight for you. If that’s not moving on, what is?Priya: You need to cut the cord with Penny.Leonard: Oh. Okay.Priya: You don’t sound very confident.Leonard: No, no, I’m confident. It’s not like I’m unfamiliar with the get lost conversation. Although, this will be the first time I’ll be the one saying it.Priya: Thank you. I appreciate it.Leonard: Sure. Oh, god, you smell so good. Of course, that could just be my other senses getting stronger. Hypothetically, if I had access To a Lieutenant Uhura uniform, would you wear it?Priya: Leonard, it is a source of great pain to me and my family that my brother has that outfit in his wardrobe. Can we not discuss it?Leonard: I’m sorry. I’m, never mind.Scene: The apartmentHoward: And was your card the jack of diamonds?Penny: Oh, unbelievable! Know how he did it yet?Sheldon: Um…Penny: Aw, he has the same look my little nephew gets when he can’t figure out how I got his nose.Howard: You know, I have some remedial magic tricks that might be more your speed. Like, ooh, loo k! The pencil’s rubber!Penny: Hey, I think I know how you did the card trick.Sheldon: Oh, oh, please, if I don’t know, you don’t know. That’s axiomatic.Penny: Come here. (Whispers to Howard)Howard: You’re right.Penny: Not too bad for someone who doesn’t know what axiomatic means.Scene: The laundry room.Leonard: Oh, hi.Penny: Hey, you. What happened with the contacts?Leonard: One of them’s upstairs. The other one sort of slipped back into my skull.Penny: Hey, is that one of the new shirts Priya got you?Leonard: Yeah.Penny: You don’t wanna wash that.Leonard: No?Penny: No, that’s silk. Seriously, what would you do without me?Leonard: Yeah.Penny: You know, I gotta tell you, I think you got a real winner with Priya.Leonard: Yeah, me, too.Penny: She seems really sweet. Believe me, you do not want to take that for granted. There are a lot of bitches out there.Leonard: Yeah, bitches are the worst.Penny: All right, well I’ll see you later.Leonard: Uh, Penny, there’s something I have to tell you.Penny: What?Leonard: Okay, uh, how do I put this? Um, are you familiar with Darwin’s observation of the finches in the Galapagos Islands?Penny: Did they make a movie about it?Leonard: No.Penny: Then no.Leonard: All right, well, anyway, Darwin observed that when two groups of finches competed over the same food source, eventually one of them would evolve a different beak shape so they could feed on something else. Penny: Okay.Leonard: So what do you think we can learn from that behaviour that we can apply to our own lives?Penny: Uh, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush?Leonard: Sure, that has birds in it.Penny: It’s fun talking to you, Leonard, I always learn stuff.Leonard: I’m sorry, but I’m gonna count that.Scene: Leonard’s bedroomPriya: Do you really have to wear that in bed?Leonard: Yeah. The doctor didn’t want me to rub my eye during the night. It was either this or one of those giant neck cones.Priya: So did you get to talk to Penny?Leonard: Oh, yes. Indeed, I did.Priya: And?Leonard: She completely understood everything I said. Case closed.Priya: Was she upset?Leonard: Maybe, but that’s not my problem. She’s not my girlfriend, you are.Priya: I hope you weren’t cruel to her.Leonard: Is the autumn cruel for letting the flowers die, or is that just nature’s way?Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Leonard? (Knock, knock, knock) Leonard? (Knock, knock, knock) Leonard? Leonard: What?Sheldon: I think I figured out Wolowitz’s magic trick, and I need you to pick a card.Leonard: I am not opening that door, Sheldon.Sheldon: As you wish. (Cards slide under door) Pick a card, put it back, and prepare to be amazed. (Leonard does not) Did you pick one?Leonard: Yep.Sheldon: (Sliding card under door) Is this your card?Leonard: (Not looking) Nope.Sheldon: Drat. Is this your card?Leonard: No.Sheldon: I’ll be right back.Scene: The apartment. Sheldon is alone.Sheldon: Pick a card, Sheldon. Now look at it, and put it back in the deck. Now do you remember your card? Of course I do, I have an eidetic memory. My apologies. Now shuffle the cards. Shuffling. Wait here. Processing image, cross-referencing.Leonard: Whatchadoin’?Sheldon: I’m reverse engineering Wolowitz’s magic trick.Leonard: What’s up with the infrared cameras?Sheldon: I’m measuring residual heat levels on the playing cards to determine which one’s been touched. By the way, if you hope to have children, I suggest you switch from briefs to boxers. Your testicles look a tad warm.Leonard: Holy crap, are you connected to the Oak Ridge National Laboratory?Sheldon: Yes. I’m using their Cray Supercomputer to analyze shuffling patterns.Leonard: Sheldon, that computer is used for National defence. Hacking into it is a Federal crime.Sheldon: Relax, we’re not under attack right now.Leonard: Okay, I’m leaving before the black helicopters get here.Sheldon: And is this my card? Rats! I wonder if Howard used a radioactive tracer. Where am I going to find Uranium-235 this time of night? Come on, Craigslist.Scene: A restaurantLeonard: Is it racist that I took you to an Indian restaurant?Priya: It’s okay, I like Indian food.Leonard: Or as you probably call it back home, food.Priya: Why didn’t you wear your contacts? Don’t you like them?Leonard: No, no, I do. It’s just I knew I was having curry tonight and I only want one part of my body to burn at a time.Priya: You know, my company offered me a position here in Los Angeles.Leonard: Does that mean you’d relocate here permanently?Priya: Maybe. What do you think?Leonard:Oh, I love it. O h, that’s great!Penny(knocking on window): Hi! Hi! Just hang on.Leonard: Small world.Priya: You did talk to her, didn’t you?Leonard: Of course, I did. I talked and talked and talked.Penny: Hey! Look at Leonard in his fancy-ass grownup clothes. Way to go, Priya. For once, he doesn’t look like a mannequin in the boys’ department. Hey, did he tell you I saved the silk shirt?Priya: No, he did not.Penny: He was gonna throw it in the washing machine with his Spiderman underwear. That’s our Lenny, huh? Priya: Yes, that’s our Lenny.Penny: So, how’s the food here? Oh, wow, that is really, really good. Oh, I’m sorry. You guys are on a date. We can hang out anytime. Have fun.Leonard: Bye.Priya: Good night.Penny: Oh, that’s, hot, hot, hot, hot! Whoo! It really sneaks up on ya, huh? All right, I gotta go.Leonard: It is pretty spicy.Scene: The cafeteria.Sheldon: Oh, I’ve been meaning to tell you, I figured out your magic trick.Howard: Really?Sheldon: Oh, yes. In fact, I improved upon it.Howard: I’d love to see that. How about you, Raj?Raj: Beefaroni and a show? How do you turn that down?Sheldon: All right. Pick a card.Howard: Okay.Sheldon: Bippity-boppity-boo.Howard: What’s with the wand and the beep?Sheldon: The wand is called showmanship, and the beep is none of your business. Oh! Excuse me, I’m getting a text message completely unrelated to this magic trick. Oh, look, my dry cleaning’s ready. And your card was the five of spades. Ta-da.Raj: These cards ha ve barcodes on them. The wand is a reader. It’s transmitting to your phone.Sheldon: I said, ta-da. Show’s over.Howard: That’s pathetic. Let me show you how a real magician does it. Raj, take a card. Don’t let me see it.Raj: Okay.Howard: Three of clubs. (It isn’t)Raj: Son of a gun, you’re blowing my mind!Howard: Bippity-boppity-boo-yah!Sheldon: That does it. I’m getting uranium.Raj: You ever gonna tell him?Howard: Maybe. When it stops being fun.Raj: So never.Scene: Penny’s door.Penny: Oh, hey, I was just on my way to work.Leonard: Oh, okay, it’s not important. It can wait.Penny: No, it’s all right. Walk me down. So, what’s up?Leonard: Uh, I kind of have a problem I was hoping you could help me with.Penny: Sure, anything.Leonard: Move out.Penny: What?Leonard: Well, uh, not far. Hey, if you ever wanna start a family, La Cañada has some great schools.Penny: Okay, I’m not moving anywhere. What the hell is this all about?Leonard: Why does it have to be about anything? Can’t a fella ask his bud dy to relocate, no questions asked? Penny: Oh, for god’s sake, Leonard, this is about Priya, isn’t it? She doesn’t want me hanging out with you. Leonard: Yes. There, I said it.Penny: Okay, look, I happen to like your girlfriend.Leonard: And she likes you.Penny: No, she doesn’t.Leonard: Not really, no.Penny: It doesn’t matter. Look, I promise from now on I will keep my distance from you.Leonard: Well, now, hold on. What kind of distance are we talking about? Because we are neighbours. I mean, I can hear the toilet flush in your apartment.Penny: You can hear my toilet flush?Leonard: I don’t listen for it, but it’s nice to know everything’s okay with your plumbing. The building’s plumbing. Penny: Leonard, I get it. You’re in a new relationship now. And I’m happy for you. So why don’t we just shake hands and part friends?Leonard: Well, now hold on, how about this? How about we still hang out, but on the down-low?Penny: Are you really that kind of guy?Leonard: No. I actually felt kinda silly just saying on the down-low.Penny: Good-bye, Leonard.Leonard: Penny, wait. (Bumps into door) Damned contacts.Scene: The cafeteria.Howard: Incoming.Raj: Hi!Howard: Hey!Sheldon: Hello.Raj: Why so glum, chum?Sheldon: Apparently, you can’t hac k into a government supercomputer and then try to buy uranium without the Department of Homeland Security tattling to your mother.Howard: Oh, that’s too bad. Figure out the magic trick yet?Sheldon: Figure out the magic trick yet?Howard: Want me to tell you how to do it?Sheldon: No.Howard: I’ll show you one more time. Raj?Sheldon: Hang on. This time do it with me, so I can make sure there’s no monkey business.Howard: All right. (Raj looks over Sheldon’s shoulder. Holds two fingers over his heart).Two of hearts.Sheldon: I hate you.Howard: Yeah, he’s gonna win the Nobel prize.。

看生活大爆炸学英语The Big Bang Theory 第四季1集：The Robotic Manipulation -Howard: And now the Kung Pao Chicken.这是宫保鸡丁。

-Leonard: Ah, yeah. Wow.啊，好，哇。

-Raj: Smooth.smooth: 平稳地，顺利地厉害。

-Howard: And finally,finally: 最终，最后最后，my Moo Shu Pork.是我的木须肉。

-Raj: Whoo-hoo!哇塞!-Howard: Oh, there you have it, gentlemen.好了,先生们,你们都看到了Our entire dinner unpacked by robot.entire: 全部的，整个的dinner: 晚餐，晚宴unpack: 打开机器人已经把所有饭菜取出来了。

-Raj: And it only took 28 minutes.仅仅花了28分钟时间。

-Sheldon: Impressive,impressive: 令人钦佩的，给人印象深刻的真不错啊，but we must be cautious.cautious: 谨慎的，小心的不过我们得小心点。

-Howard: Why?为什么?-Sheldon: Today, it's a Chinese food retrieval robot.retrieval: 检索，取回，恢复今天，这是个中餐传递机器人，Tomorrow, it travels back in timetravel: 旅行，旅途明天，它会及时地穿越时空，and tries to kill Sarah Connor.回去谋杀Sarah Connor(终结者外传女主人公)。

-Leonard: I don't think that's going to happen, Sheldon.Sheldon 我可不相信会发生这样的事情。

The Big Bang Theory第四季 14集-Sheldon: Good evening.晚上好，I'm your guest lecturer, Dr. Sheldon Cooper.guest lecturer: 客座讲授 Dr.: 博士（doctor）我是你们的客座讲师 Sheldon Cooper教授。

I was expecting applause,expect: 期待 applause: 鼓掌欢迎我期待掌声的出现，but I suppose stunned silence is equally appropriate.suppose: 认为 stun: 震惊 silence: 沉默 equally: 同样的 appropriate: 适当的不过我认为震惊到不知所措同样合适。

I agreed to speak to you this evening,agree: 同意 speak: 演讲我今晚愿意来给你们上课，because I was told that you're the best and the brightest of this university's doctoral candidates. brightest: 最聪明的 university: 大学 doctoral: 博士的 candidate: 应试者是因为我听说你们是这所大学的博士生中最聪慧最优秀的。

Hmm. Of course, that's like saying you are the most important electron in a hydrogen atom. electron: 电子 hydrogen: [化学]氢 atom: 原子恩，当然，这就像是在说你们是氢原子中最重要的电子。

Cause, you see,你们也知道，there's only one electron in a hydrogen atom.氢原子中只有一个电子。

421 The One With The Invitation［Scene：Central Perk，Joey and Chandler are sitting and talking。

]Chandler:Y’know what? It seems like all of the sudden；so much has happened。

Joey: I know. Ross is getting married。

Chandler：Phoebe is，making people. Joey:Everybody’s doing stuff！Chandler: And we just sit here。

I mean if I die the only way people would even know I was here，would be by the ass print on this chair! Look，we have to do something。

Okay？Something huge！Joey：（snaps his fingers）We could climb Mt. Everest！Chandler：No-no，not something stupid, something huge.Joey: No—no-no-no—no，I saw an ad for this video，people climb that thing everyday! We could totally do that！Chandler：Why not？! I mean it’s just, it’s just climbing！It's just, it's just steep!Joey: Yeah！421 邀请你感觉得到吗?突然间发生了这么多事我知道，罗斯要结婚了。

菲比正在创造新生命。

每个人好像都有事情做。

S4E24 – The Hot Troll DeviationScene: The Cheesecake Factory.Penny: Hey, you guys ready to order?Howard: Uh, sure.Penny: Okay, Priya?Priya : Uh, I'll have the shepherd's pie. You want to split that with me?Penny: Oh, no, no, no, he doesn't.Priya : Why not?Penny: Well, you have milk in the taters, milk in the gravy, parmesan crust. Your lactose-intolerant boyfriend will turn into a gas-filled Macy's Day balloon.Sheldon: Not quite accurate. The Macy's balloons are filled with helium, whereas Leonard produces copiousamounts of methane.Leonard: So, no, on the shepherd's pie. Can we move on?Penny: Yeah, a little tip: he says he can eat frozen yogurt. Do not believe it.Leonard: Sea bass! I'll have the sea bass!Howard: You gotta like this, the girlfriend and the ex-girlfriend bonding over your rooty-tooty stinky booty. Leonard: Kill me.Sheldon: It wouldn't help. The human body is capable of being flatulent for hours after death. Bernadette: Guys, sorry I'm late. I have amazing news.Sheldon: Bernadette, before you change the subject, does anyone have any final comments on Leonard's faulty digestive system?Leonard: So, what's your news, Bernadette?Bernadette: The thesis committee accepted my doctoral dissertation. I'm getting my PhD!All: Wow!Sheldon: Oh, congratulations.Penny: Wow, so that means you're a doctor, you're a doctor, you're a doctor, you're a doctor, and Howard, you know a lot of doctors.Howard: Congratulations, honey.Bernadette: Thank you.Leonard: So, Howard, tell us, how's it feel knowing that when you two get married, you'll be referred to as Mr. and Dr. Wolowitz?Sheldon: Unless he takes Bernadette's last name. And considering her advanced status, that could open some doors for him.Howard: Please, this isn't about me. I'm proud of you.Bernadette: Well, you'll be really be proud of this. I was headhunted by a big pharmaceutical company. They're gonna pay me a buttload of money!Howard: What?Leonard: Bernadette, that's great. Howard, do you make a buttload?Howard: Better than what you've got a buttload of.Leonard: Hey, if I roll down the windows in the car, everything's peachy. If you do it, you're still not a doctor.Penny: Yeah, just a heads-up on the car window deal. It helps, but everything is not "peachy."Credits sequenceScene: Raj’s apartment.Raj(singing): Oh, if there was a problem, you can't solve it, Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it Ice, Ice, baby, Ice, Ice, baby .Priya :Oh, God, I feel ridiculous in this dress.Leonard: You look beautiful, Lieutenant Uhura. Now prepare for... inspection.Priya: My brother's going to hear you.Leonard: Relax, he's got headphones on. And we're ten miles above Earth in a starship.Raj : Really, ten miles? You're orbiting inside the atmosphere? Moron.Priya: I can't believe I'm wearing my brother's Halloween costume.Leonard: I can't believe you think he only wears it on Halloween. Open the landing bay doors, shuttle craft approaching.Raj: Okay, gotta go.Scene: Howard’s apartment.Howard: Hey, what's up?Mrs Wolowitz(off): Is that my future daughter-in-law, the doctor?!Howard: No, Ma! It's Raj!Mrs Wolowitz(off): He's a doctor too, right?!Howard: Yes!Mrs Wolowitz(off): Like Leonard and the skinny weirdo!Howard: Sheldon, yes! Everybody's a doctor but me!Mrs Wolowitz(off): Well, whose fault is that?!Howard: What's up?Raj: Leonard's putting disgusting memories in my memory foam mattress. Can I stay here tonight? Howard: Sure, but I'm going out with Bernadette. It'll just be you and my mother.Raj: I guess that's okay.Howard: Ma, can Rajesh sleep over?!Mrs Wolowitz(off): Of course, he and I can play doctor!Raj: She's kidding, right?Howard: I don't know, she's pretty feisty since they put her on hormone-replacement therapy.Mrs Wolowitz(off): Paging Dr. Cutie Pie!Scene: The apartmentSheldon: I must say, Amy, I was very impressed to see that Bernadette got her PhD.Amy: It's indeed admirable. Although, it is... microbiology.Sheldon: Your doctorate is in neurobiology. I fail to see the distinction.Amy: I'll make it simple for you. I study the brain, the organ responsible for Beethoven's Fifth Symphony. Bernadette studies yeast, the organism responsible for Michelob Lite. Is there something wrong with your neck?Sheldon: It's a little stiff. What a remarkably fragile structure to support such a valuable payload.Not unlike balancing a Faberge egg on a Pixie Stick.Amy: Have you considered massage?Sheldon: I'd like to respond to that sarcastically. Yes, I relish the thought of a stranger covering my body with oil and rubbing it.Amy: I was proposing you massage your muscles with your own hands.Sheldon: Still sounds like a lot of unnecessary touching.Amy: Trust me. With your right hand, locate the spot where the scapula meets the acromion process. Sheldon: All right.Amy: Now push your third finger along the ridge of the shoulder blade, making a small rotation as you do so.Sheldon: Rotating.Amy: You should feel a small node-like object rolling back and forth along the bone.Sheldon: You mean the myofascial point?Amy: Obviously. Now bear down on it like the seventh grade noogies we all know too well.Sheldon: Oh, dear Lord, yes, yes, oh, yes! Amy, I've never been touched like this before! Oh! My hands are magic!Amy: Don't flatter yourself. Your hands are blunt tools guided by my knowledge of the nervous system. I could just as easily have paralyzed you.Sheldon: There's someone at my door.Amy: That doesn't interest me. Good-bye.Raj: Can I sleep here tonight?Sheldon: Why?Raj: Leonard's having astronomically inaccurate Star Trek sex with my sister.</i>Sheldon: I can see how that would be e in. I'll get the sheets and blankets for the couch. Raj: Oh, don't bother. I'll just sleep in Leonard's room.Sheldon: No, I can't authorize that.Raj: Well, he's in my bed. Why can't I be in his?Sheldon: The Hammurabic Code is "an eye for an eye," not "a bed for a bed."Raj: Come on, dude, I'm exhausted, and Tyra Banks says the most important item in your makeup bag is a good night's sleep.Sheldon: All right. This is a form indemnifying me from your use of "Leonard's bedroom." Sign here, indicating that I tried to stop you and did so using a stern facial expression.Raj: Good night, Sheldon.Sheldon:Wait. Not yet. We still have to go over safety procedures. Now, the apartment has three emergency exits located here, here, and here. In the event of a power outage, luminous paint will guide you to the nearest exit.Raj: You're kidding.Sheldon: I never kid about safety.Scene: Leonard’s bedroomLeonard: What are you doing here?Raj: I was sleeping.Leonard: In my bed?Raj: Well, I would've slept in my own bed, but it was being used to bring shame to my family. And the memory of Gene Roddenberry.Leonard: Oh, you heard?Raj: "Scotty, I need more power."Leonard: Sorry. Does Sheldon know you're sleeping in here?Raj: Are you kidding? He made me sign a waiver, participate in an emergency fire drill and take a refresher course in CPR. Thank God he had a dummy.Leonard: Oh, yeah. Mouth-to-Mouth Mona. You know, she used to date Howard?Raj: Oh, my God, she's that Mona? Why can't you and my sister spend your nights here?Leonard: We tried. She doesn't get along with Sheldon.Raj: Sheldon doesn't get along with Sheldon. It's still no reason for me to have to listen to you arm your photon torpedoes every night.Leonard: Okay, well, how about this: until Priya gets her own place, you stay here and I'll stay at yourapartment.Raj: Can I bring girls here?Leonard: You? Sure. Bring as many as you want.Raj: Okay, deal.Leonard:Scene: The University Cafeteria.Leonard: You really think you should be eating that cake?Howard: Why?Leonard: If you're gonna be a trophy husband for a rich wife, you might want to watch your waistline. Raj: He's right. A minute on the lips, a lifetime on the hips.Howard: Yeah, ha-ha.First of all, I'm not threatened by my fiance's success. I'm proud of her. And secondly, I have my own career.Howard: Until you have kids.Sheldon: Good news, Raj. I got the blood work back from the lab. You're okay to stay for a while.Raj: When did you take my blood?Sheldon: Not important. Your sugar was a little high. I'd follow up with your regular physician. In the meantime, I have some paperwork here for you to go over.Raj: What the hell is this?Sheldon: Boilerplate stuff. A modified roommate agreement for a temporary house guest, and a living will and durable power of attorney.Raj: This says you can make "end of life" decisions for me.Sheldon: As your friend, let's hope it doesn't come to that. Please sign.Raj: Did you sign this?Leonard: There's a reciprocity clause. You get to pull the plug on him, too.Raj: Well, that seems fair.Sheldon: Congratulations and welcome temporarily aboard. Here's your I.D. card, your key and your lapel pin. Which Leonard was too cool to wear. FYI, part of your responsibilities as roommate pro tem will be to drive me to and from work, the comic book store, the barbershop and the park for one hour every other Sunday for fresh air.Leonard: Bring a ball or a Frisbee, you know, something he can chase.Sheldon: Also, you're tasked with bringing home all takeout dinners. Tonight is Thai food. You'll find the standard order in appendix B or downloadable from my FTP server. If you have any questions, here's the FAQ sheet, or if you prefer the human touch, I do a live web chat called "Apartment Talk" on Tuesday nights.Leonard: No backsies.Scene: The apartmentRaj: Sheldon, dinner!Sheldon: What is this?Raj: This is the difference between eating and dining.Sheldon: Remarkable. I'm just realizing how much Leonard's been skating by all these years.Raj: It's not a big thing. Just think of me as a brown Martha Stewart.Penny: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?Sheldon: Yes, it's "Penny, get your own Wi-Fi." No spaces.Penny: Thanks. Wow! What's with the fancy spread?Sheldon: My new roommate is bending over backwards to ingratiate himself to me. Uh, nice touch, by the way.Penny: What do you mean "new roommate"? What happened to Leonard?Sheldon: The same thing that happened to Homo erectus. He was replaced by a superior species. Raj: I'm the new Homo in town. That came out wrong.Penny: All right, let me try this again. Where's Leonard?Raj: He's living at my place, so I'm living here.Sheldon: You're living here provisionally. But I must say it's looking good.Penny: Wow. Leonard and Priya are living together? That's big.Sheldon: No. Origami napkin swans... that's the headline.Raj: It's a good thing.Scene: Howard’s bedroom.Howard: So do you know what kind of research you'll be doing at this pharmaceutical company? Bernadette: Well, there are a couple of opportunities available, but I volunteered for the premature ejaculation project. I mean, it's not like either one of us has heart disease. Oh, I almost forgot. I got you a little present.Howard: Oh, Bernie, no. You didn't have to.Bernadette: I wanted to. Come on, open it.Howard: You bought me a Rolex? How much did this cost?Bernadette: Oh, you let me worry about the money. I just want my baby to have pretty things.Scene: The apartmentRaj: More wine?Penny: Oh, no, no, no. I've had way too much already.Sheldon: Here's an interesting fact about alcohol...Penny: Hit me.Sheldon: Man is not the only species that ferments fruit in order to become intoxicated. Can you guess what the other is? Hint: sometimes they pack the alcohol in their trunks.Penny: Monkeys.Sheldon: When does a monkey have a trunk?Penny: When a suitcase just won't do.Sheldon: Mmm, all right. It would appear as if alcohol is playing keep-away with your intelligence. Good night. Please note, it is now past 10:00 p.m. Per our roommate agreement, kindly refrain from raucous laughter, clinking of glasses, and celebratory gunfire.Penny: Okay... explain something to me. You watch Leonard put up with that guy for years and years. What has to break inside your brain for you to think, "Oh, Krishna, I've got to get me some of that"? Raj: Well, it's a lot better than having to wear noise-cancelling headphones in my own apartment. Penny: What? Oh, God, yeah. Yeah. Leonard's a noisy little dude in the sack.Raj: Every night.Penny: Really? Even during allergy season, when he has to alternate between kissing and breathing? Raj: It's my sister. Can we not talk about this anymore?Penny: Yeah. Sorry, sorry. Can I tell you a secret?Raj: Yeah.Penny: I screwed up. Leonard's a great guy. Never should have broken up with him.Raj: Well, uh, to paraphrase Shakespeare: "It's better to have loved and lost "than to stay home every night and download increasingly shameful pornography."Penny: Ohh... you poor baby.Raj: What's wrong with me, Penny?Penny: Nothing, nothing. You know, if we weren't friends, and you hadn't brought up that creepypornography story, I'd be on you like the speed of light squared on matter to make energy.Raj: Hey, you totally got that right! "E=mc2."Penny: I listen. I have no idea what it means, but I listen. To friendship.Raj: To friendship.Sheldon: Would you booze hounds please stop that infernal clinking?! And the answer was elephant!Scene: Raj’s apartment.Priya: Leonard, sweetheart, we're kissing, not eating hot soup.Leonard: Sorry.Priya: That's my parents on video chat. Go hide in the bedroom.Leonard: Oh, come on! Why don't we just tell them t hat we're dating?Priya: Oh, we've been through this. It's not the time.Leonard: When is the time?Priya: I've got five brothers and sisters. One of them is bound to screw up real big, and then I'll tell my parents about you. Now, shoo.Leonard: Fine.Priya: Hello, Mummy. Hello, Daddy.Dr Koothrappali(on webcam): We heard there was a tornado in Kansas City.Is that close to you?Priya: No.Mrs Koothrappali(on webcam): Where is your brother?Priya: Out with friends.Dr Koothrappali(on webcam): I don't like it, a young girl alone in an apartment.Mrs Koothrappali(on webcam): I'll sleep so much better when you move back here next month. Leonard: You're moving back to India?!Dr Koothrappali(on webcam): Who's that?Mrs Koothrappali(on webcam):Oh, my God! There's someone in your apartment. Call the police in America!Leonard: When were you going to tell me about this?</i>Priya: Oh, hello, Leonard. What a pleasant surprise! Mummy, Daddy, you remember Rajesh's friend Leonard.Dr Koothrappali(on webcam):I thought you said Rajesh was out with his friends.Priya: He has many friends.Dr Koothrappali(on webcam): Rajesh has many friends?Mrs Koothrappali(on webcam): Why are you lying to us?Leonard: She's lying because she doesn't want you to know we're dating.Priya: Leonard!Leonard: Well, what difference does it make? If you're moving back to India,we're obviously breaking up.Priya: You know what? I don't want to deal with this right now.Leonard: So...Hot in India?Dr Koothrappali(on webcam): Of course it is. It always is. It's India. Now, what do you have to say for yourself?Leonard: Uh...that is a beautiful tapestry.Scene: Leonard’s bedroomPenny: Oh, God. Oh, God! Oh. Okay, look. This never happened. Do you understand me? Really?! Still can't talk to me?Sheldon: What are you doing here?Leonard:What?Sheldon: I said, what are you doing here?Leonard:I live here.Sheldon: I have paperwork that says differently.Leonard: Priya's going back to India.Sheldon: Irrelevant. Rajesh and I have a good thing going and you're not going to ruin it. What are you doing here?Howard: I've been up all night.I had a fight with Bernadette.Sheldon: Why?Howard: She gave me a beautiful watch.Sheldon: Leonard, do you understand this?Howard: Yes.Sheldon: Talk to him.Penny: Damn.Leonard: What's going on?Penny:Oh... It's-it's not what it looks like.Sheldon: What does it look like?。

S4E 08 – The 21 Second ExcitationScene: The apartment.Penny: Okay, help me out here. How does an archaeology professor get that good with a whip?Howard: Maybe he took a class at the adult bookstore. That’s how I learned.Leonard: I can’t believe you’ve never seen Raiders of the Lost Ark.Penny: And I can’t believe you’ve never read Eat, Pray, Love.Leonard: When she comes out with Eat, Pray, Run Away From A Giant Boulder, I’ll read it.Howard(after Raj whispers to him): I don’t care if Eat, Pray, Love changed your life, I’m not reading it.Penny: You know, I could totally rock a hat like that.Sheldon: That’s the work of noted Hollywood costume designer Deborah Nadoolman. She also designed the iconic red and black jacket in Michael Jackson’s Thriller video, which I’ve never viewed in its entirety, as I find zombies dancing in choreographed synchronicity implausible. And also, it’s really scary.Leonard: Would someone please turn off the Sheldon commentary track?Sheldon: There’s no switch. Just list en and learn.Howard: Penny, if you think this is good, you should come with us Friday to see it on the big screen at the Colonial. Penny: Well, I’m watching it now. Why would I want to see it again on Friday?Sheldon: Because the print they’re showing on Friday has an additional 21 seconds of previously unseen footage. Penny: What, 21 seconds? That’ll be like seeing a whole new movie!Leonard: Exactly. They say it finally solves the submarine controversy.Sheldon: Did Leonard? I’m no expert, but I believe what we just heard from Penny was sarcasm. (She indicates it was) Oh, good. I’m eight for 26 this month.Penny: Yeah, I think I’ll pass. But you guys enjoy your extra 21 seconds.Leonard: Bet if I could make you understand why this is such a cool thing, we’d still be together.Penny: Mm, yeah, no, we wouldn’t.Howard: Uh-huh. I’m guessing 21 seconds had something to do with that, too.Credits sequence.Scene: The Cheesecake Factory.Sheldon: May I point out to you all that the screening is first come, first served?Leonard: Relax, it’s five o’clock. The movie doesn’t start till midnight.Sheldon: Another way of saying that is the movie starts at midnight, and it’s already five o’clock. Let’s go. Howard: You know, if we miss it, we’ll have the fun of listening to Sheldon whine about it for the rest of our lives. Sheldon: See? Howard’s on my side.Howard: Actually, I’m not. I’m using sarcasm to mock you.Sheldon: Drat. Now I’m 8 for 27.Leonard: Don’t worry, Sheldon. We’ll be fine.Sheldon: What happened to the Leonard Hofstadter who waited in line with me for 14 hours to see the midnight premiere of Star Trek: Nemesis?Leonard: Oh. Well, he waited in line for 14 hours, while you napped in a lawn chair, he got in a fight with a Klingon when he stepped ou t of line to pee and you wouldn’t wake up to vouch for him, and worst of all, he saw Star Trek: Nemesis.Sheldon: But how were our seats?Leonard: Excellent.Sheldon: I rest my case. Amy, don’t you agree we should leave now and get in line?Amy: Actually, as the newest member of your social group, I believe I’ll gain more acceptance by arbitrarily siding with your friends from time to time.Sheldon: Shrewd.Amy: Leonard, you’re right. We should enjoy our meal, arrive late, and risk winding up with terrible seats, assuming we get in at all.Leonard: Thank you, Amy.Amy: See? It’s working.Bernadette: Knock-knock.Howard: Who’s there?Bernadette: Olive.Howard: Olive you, too.Leonard: Guys, that’s really starting to get old.Howard: Knock-knock.Leonard: Who’s there?Howard: I have a girlfriend and you don’t.Leonard: Hysterical!Sheldon: Wait, now, we don’t know that yet. He isn’t finished. I have a girlfriend and you don’t who?Howard: So. Are you sure you don’t want to come with us to Raiders?Bernadette: Oh, no. That movie has melting faces. It reminds me too much of the time I dropped that vial of flesh-eating bacteria into the Rhesus monkey lab. Besides, Penny and I are having a girls’ night tonight.Amy: Girls’ night? What does that entail?Bernadette: Oh, you know, girls get together, hang out, share girl talk.Amy: I’m a girl.Bernadette: Oh. Well, maybe you can join us. I’ll ask Penny.Amy: No need. Penny and I are very close.Bernadette: You are?Amy: Yes. In fact, our menses are synchronized. Penny. Bernadette tells me you’re planning a girls’ night. Penny: Yeah?Amy: I’m a girl.Penny: Oh. Um, it was, it was just going to be me and Bernadette. Besides, I thought you were going to the movies with Sheldon and the guys.Amy: Yes, but they’re not girls. I’m a girl.Penny: Yeah, no, no, I-I-I got that.Amy: What’s the dress code?Penny: Uh, just wear something comfortable.Amy: All right. I’ll have to go shopping.Sheldon: Knock-knock.Leonard: Who‘s there?Sheldon: Hugh.Leonard: Hugh who?Sheldon: Hugh p eople need to listen to me. It’s time to get in line for the movie. And that’s how you tell a knock-knock joke.Scene: The movie theatre. The line is incredibly long.Sheldon: Under normal circumstances I’d say, I told you so. But as I have told you so wi th such vehemence and frequency already, the phrase has lost all meaning. Therefore, I will be replacing it with the phrase I informed you thusly.Howard: Ooh. Can’t wait for that to start.Sheldon: I informed you thusly.Raj: Eight for 28.Sheldon: This i s where we could have been if we hadn’t stopped for dinner. This is where we could have been ifKoothrappali hadn’t ordered dessert.Raj: Well I earned it, dude, I ate all my broccoli.Sheldon: And here’s where we are. The runts in a large litter, unlikely to ever reach the nourishing teats of Indiana Jones.Leonard: So I guess it’s a good thing we stopped for dinner.Raj: You know, guys, when facing disappointment, Eat, Pray, Love teaches us–Howard: Oh, shut up.Scene: Penny’s apartment.Amy: So anyway, to make a long story short, turns out I have an unusually firm cervix.Penny: You know Amy, when we say girl talk, it doesn’t just have to be about our lady parts.Amy: Shame. ‘Cause I have a real zinger about my titled uterus.Bernadette: Penny, your nails look great.Penny: Oh, thanks. I found this place in Alhambra. It’s in a woman’s basement. I think it’s a frontfor human trafficking, but they do a really good job.Amy: A colleague of mine did her graduate thesis on the fungus that grows on improperly sterilized manicure implements. Well don’t tell me that’s not girl talk.Penny: So where should we go tonight? A bar?A club?A movie?Bernadette: Or we could just stay here.Amy: Yes, and continue to bond. I have a feeling that after tonight, one of you will become my best friend forever. Or BFF, if you prefer.Which I don’t.Penny: All right, time to open Bachelor Number Two.Bernadette: Gee, I don’t know if I should drink more. I have to drive home, and I’ve got enough trouble seeing over the dashboard as it is.Penny: That’s okay. Y ou can just sleep here.Amy: Oh, good, a slumber party! We’ll do makeovers, initiate phony phone calls, and have spirited pillow fights in our frilly nighties!Penny: Oh, gosh, Amy. I don’t know if I would call this an actual sl umber party.Amy: Well, that’s disappointing. I’ve always wanted to be invited to a slumber party.Bernadette: Oh, you never were?Penny: Not even when you were a kid?Amy: Well, there was the time I had my tonsils out, and I shared a room with a little Vi etnamese girl. She didn’t make it through the night, but up till then, it was kind of fun.Penny: Okay. Well, I guess we’re having a slumber party. Oh!Amy: Pillow fight!Scene: The movie line.Leonard: Oh, I hope they let us in soon. I’m tired of running to the gas station to use the bathroom. The guy makes me buy a Gatorade every time. It’s a vicious circle.Howard: Too bad you don’t have a stadium pal like me.Leonard: What’s a stadium pal?Howard: Let me put it this way, takes care of the bathroom problem, and it keeps your calf warm.Raj: Hey, guys, bad news. I just did a quick calculation. Given the size of the theatre and the length of this line, we might not get seats.Sheldon: What did he say?Leonard: Nice going, Raj, just got him down for his nap.Sheldon: We might not get seats?Leonard: It’s fine, it’s fine. Go back to sleep.Sheldon: Oh, I informed you thusly. I so informed you thusly.Leonard: Howard, you talk to him. Howard? You’re peeing, aren’t you?WilWheaton: Hey, look who’s here! Hey, buddies!Sheldon: Well, if it isn’t Wil Wheaton, the Jar JarBinks of the Star Trek universe.Wil: Mee-sathink that very funny.Sheldon: Well, you-sa can go think that at the back of the line. No cuts, no buts, no coconuts.TheatreStaff: Wil Wheaton.Wil: Yeah.TheatreStaff: I’m a big fan.Sheldon: Of what? Poorly executed beards?Wil: Do you think you could get me and my friends into the movie? We got here a little late.TheatreStaff: No problem. Come on, I’ll hook you up.Wil: Oh, awesome. We-sagonna go into the movie now. Bye-bye.Sheldon: This is Indiana Jones, not Star Trek. There should be no value to his pseudo-celebrity here. And even at Star Trek conventions, they only let him in if he helps set up.Leonard: Calm down, Sheldon.Sheldon: I will not calm down. This affront to justice and decency cannot go unanswered. As Captain Jean-Luc Picard once said, the line must be drawn here! This far, no farther!Leonard: Had to wake him up from his nap, didn’t you?Scene: Penny’s apartment.Bernadette: You know what I really love about Howard? His chest hair.Penny: Howard has a hairy chest?Bernadette: No, just the one. But it’s really long.Penny: Okay, there you go, Sultry Sunrise Red. What do you think?Amy: My nails have never looked so pretty before. Get it off.Scene: The movie line.Raj: Oh, oh, uh, looks like they’re getting ready to let people in.Sheldon: Listen to what Mr. Wil Wheaton is tweeting. Best seats in house for Raiders screening. Suck on that, Sheldon Cooper.Leonard: Why do you read his Twitter feed? You know it’s only going to upset you.Sheldon: I believe in knowing my enemy, Leonard. Had Twitter existed at the time, would not General Custer have followed the tweets of Sitting Bull? Would not Lee have followed Grant? Would not Spy have followed Spy? I have more examples, but excuse me. (On phone) Hello. Well, this seems like an odd time to test my cell phone quality, but go on. Test phrases? All right.Imatote.Ulbu.Twad.All together? I’m a total buttwad. Why are you laughing? Hello?Scene: Penny’s apartment.Penny: And that, girls, is how you make a phony phone call.Amy: I’m not sure I grasp the full entertainment value, but all right. Next on Wikipedia’s list of slumber party activities, Truth or Dare.Penny: Okay, it’s you r game. You go first.Amy: Hang on. I’m familiarizing myself with the rules. Seems fairly straightforward.Bernadette, truth or dare? Bernadette: Truth.Amy: All right. To what temperature must you heat beef in order to kill the prion that causes bovine spongiform encephalopathy?Bernadette: Um.Amy: Remember, you have to answer honestly.Penny: Wait. No, Amy, you’re supposed to ask her something personal or embarrassing.Amy: Oh. All right. What is the circumference of your areolas?Scene: The movie line.Sheldon: Munching on complimentary popcorn. Woot, woot. Oh, the gall. I hope his next tweet is popcorn lodged in trachea, choking to death, woot, woot.Theatrestaff: Guys, I am sorry. We are full up.Sheldon: No!Theatrestaff: We’re full up.Leonard: We really want to see this. Is there anything you can do?Theatrestaff: Sorry. Fire regulations.Should’ve gotten here earlier.Sheldon: This is nothing but a blatant abuse of power by a petty functionary. Explain to me why Wil Wheaton and his lackeys get in an d we don’t.Theatrestaff: ‘Cause I’m the petty functionary with the clipboard, bitch.Howard: I guess that’s that. Let’s go home.Sheldon: You know what? I’m going back to I told you so. I told you so.Raj: We can still see something. Uh, the new Sandra Bullock movie is playing two blocks away. You know Sandy B always brings it.Sheldon: Look, a side door. Come on, Short Round.Howard: I guess we’d better go after him.Leonard: Short Round?Raj: Indy’s young sidekick from Temple of Doom.Leonard: Yeah, I know who it is, but why is it me?Raj: You’re right. It should be a cuddly Asian boy. Like me.Scene: Penny’s apartment.Amy: And Absolon hath kisthir nether yea, and Nicholas is scalded in the towte. This tale is doon, and God save al the rowte.”Penny: What the hell was that?Amy: Bernadette dared me to tell a dirty story. The Miller’s Tale by Chaucer is the dirtiest story I know. It would have been hidden in sock drawers if people in the 14th century had worn socks.Bernadette: I thought it was pretty spicy. Especially the part where he kisses her nether yea.Amy: You might not like it as much if you knew what nether yea meant. Hint, if one cares about hygiene, one ought not be kissing it.Bernadette: Okay, my turn. Penny, truth or dare?Penny: Truth.Bernadette: Why are you still hanging out with Leonard so much even though you broke up with him?Amy: Oh, that’s an excellent question. For two people who claim to be no longer pair-bonded, you spend an inordinate amount of time in each other’s company.Bernadette: Yeah.Penny: Dare.Amy: I don’t believe the rules allow for an ex post facto option change.Bernadette: Yeah.Penny: Okay, look, just because we’re not seeing each other anymore doesn’t mean we can’t be friends. I mean, Leonard’s a great guy.Amy: Then, why did you terminate your relationship with him?Penny: I don’t know. He got really serious, and I wasn’t ready for it.Amy: Interesting. How will you react if, in the future, you become ready for it, and Leonard is unavailable, because another woman has realized that he is, to use your words, a great guy?Penny: You can only ask one question.AmyandBernadettetogether: That one.Penny: You know what, I don’t want to play anymore.Amy: Well, I’m not sure how this is scored, but I believe we may have won.Scene: The movie theatre.Leonard: Sheldon? Sheldon?Howard: Where did he go? (Raj whistles) We’re looking for Sheldon, not Marmaduke.Sheldon: You whistled?Leonard: What is that?Sheldon: Raiders of the Lost Ark, with 21 additional seconds. If I can’t see it, no one else can see it.Leonard: Sheldon, this is crazy.Sheldon: No. Crazy was leaving the projection booth unattended.Leonard: Listen to me. You are over-tired. You’re not thinking right. Put the movie back before we get into trouble. Sheldon: Trouble is my middle name, Leonard. Actually, it’s Lee, but I prefer Trouble.WilWheaton: Oh, look who they let in.Sheldon: Don’t worry, Wil Wheaton. I was just leaving. Da-da-da-da, da-da-da!Howard: Come on, Short Round.Leonard: Yeah.Scene: Outside the movie theatre.Sheldon: Da-da-da-da, da-da-da!Raj: Come on, guys! Hurry up! Hurry up!Howard: Let’s see you run with a bag of urine strapped to your leg.Wil: He’s got the movie! Get him!Sheldon: Why is there never a pontoon plane when you need one?Scene: Penny’s apartment.Bernadette: She’s been in there a long time.Amy: Clearly, losing Truth or Dare upset her. Perhaps we should try to take her mind off it with another popular slumber party activity.Bernadette: Ooh, like what?Amy: Well, the Internet suggests that slumber party guests often engage in harmless experimentation with lesbianism.Bernadette: Where exactly on the Internet have you been looking?Amy: Penny?Penny: Oh, hey, Amy. Look, I’m sorry I got so upset. I just,whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,whoa! What are you doing?Amy: Don’t worry. I’ll avoid the nether yea.Bernadette: I might have gone with eating raw cookie dough.。

Series 4 Episode 23 – The Engagement ReactionScene: The Cheesecake FactoryPenny: Hey, do me a favour and take table seven.Bernadette: You mean the one with my one hundred and eighteen-pound rock-hard stud of a fiancé who’s prone to canker sores and pinkeye?Penny: Nah, I prefer to look at it as the one with my ex-boyfriend and his gorgeous, successful and sophisticated girlfriend, who makes me feel like a toothless Okie.Bernadette: Do you want me to spill hot soup on her?Penny: Oh, please, you’re n ot that kind of person.Bernadette: I know. But if she orders something low-fat I’ll totally give her the full-fat version.Leonard: Uh, that’s my water.Sheldon: What?Leonard: My water. You’re drinking it.Sheldon: Dear Lord! Have you been drinking it?Leonard: Yes. It’s my water.Sheldon: Well, that’s it then. I’m dead.Leonard: Here we go.Sheldon: I’m sorry, do I really need to connect the dots for you? The backwash into this glass is every pathogen that calls your mouth home, sweet home. Not to mention the visitors who arrive on the dancing tongue of your subtropical girlfriend.Raj: Hey! That’s my sister and my country you’re talking about. Leonard may have defiled one, but I won’t have you talking smack about the other.Bernadette: You guys ready to order?Sheldon: Yes, I’d like a seven-day course of penicillin, some, uh, syrup of ipecac, to induce vomiting, and a mint. Bernadette: I don’t understand.Howard: He drank from Leonard’s glass.Sheldon: He drank from Leonard’s glass. Words they’ll be carvi ng into my tombstone.Leonard: That’s actually my napkin.Sheldon: Oh, this is a nightmare!Howard: Where are you going?Sheldon: To the bar, to sterilize my mouth with alcohol. Gang way! Dead man walking!Credits sequence.Scene: The same.Bernadette: All right. Here you go. Two lemonades, one iced tea and a root beer for Priya.Priya: Is it diet?Bernadette: That’s what you ordered.Priya: Thank you. Hey, have you and Howard started planning your wedding yet?Bernadette: Yeah. We’re thinking of having it on a cliff overlooking the ocean.Howard: Nothing soothes those pre-wedding jitters like the thought of falling and drowning.Leonard: What did your mother say when you told her you were getting married?Bernadette: He hasn’t told her yet. He’s w aiting for the right time.Howard: I was thinking of weaving it into her eulogy.Priya: Howard, you’ve got to tell your mother.Howard: Hey, have you told your parents you’re dating this short glass of skim milk here?Priya: Uh, that’s different. First of all, we’re not engaged, and second, Indian parents are very protective of their children.Howard: Right, right, whereas Jewish mothers take a casual, la-di-da approach to their sons.Sheldon: I gargled with tequila and may have swallowed a teeny bit.Leonard: You all right?Sheldon: Fine. Thank you for asking. I love you so much.Scene: The apartment.Sheldon: Fire demon.Raj: Ooh, fire demon. Sheldon’s turning up the heat.Howard: T roll master.Raj: Check it! Howard pulls one out from under the bridge. Nice!Leonard: Water nymph.Raj: Oh, yeah, she’s got puddles in all the right places.Sheldon: Could you please play the game without commenting on every card?Raj: Sorry. Walking tree.Sheldon: Last one.Raj: I’m taking a stroll and I’m sporting wood.Howard(reading a text): Okay, the Eagle has landed.Leonard: What’s going on?Howard: Bernadette and my mother are having a get-to-know-you lunch at the Old Town Deli.Raj: Oh, that sounds lovely.Howard: Hope so. Of course, if history is any indication, my mother will swallow her whole and spit out her bones like an owl.Leonard: Have you met Bernadette’s parents?Howard: You mean Adolf and Eva? Not yet. One goose step at a time.Raj: Sheldon, that’s my water.Sheldon: Oh, dear Lord!Leonard: That’s not yo ur water.Raj: I know.Sheldon: Where’s the mouthwash?Raj(holding it): Where indeed.Scene: Howard’s house.Howard: Ma, I’m home! Where are you?MrsWolowitz(off): I’m in the toilet.Howard: So, how’d it go?MrsWolowitz: Too soon to say. I’m not done yet.Howard: No, I mean lunch, today, with Bernadette.MrsWolowitz: Oh! I had a pastrami sandwich. She had eggplant lasagna. Like that’s what a person orders in a Jewish deli.Howard: Besides food, did you get along? Did you talk?MrsWolowitz: Oh, sure. Di d you know she’s going to school to become a microbiologist?Howard: No, she never mentioned it.MrsWolowitz: I bet she did and you didn’t listen.Howard: Yeah, that’s probably it. So, what do you think? Do you like her? She’s great, huh?MrsWolowitz: She’s a lovely girl. Cute as a button.Howard: That’s good to hear, ’cause I’ve got some news.MrsWolowitz: I hope it’s good news, because I’ve got nothing but disappointment in here!Howard: Bernadette and I are getting married. Ma? You too busy bearing down? Ma?(crashing sound from in bathroom) Oh, my God, Ma? Ma?Ma? Stand back, I’m gonna break the door down! (Runs at door. It doesn’t break down. Falls over.)Son of a bitch! Ma, help!Scene: The laundry room.Penny: Hey.Sheldon: Hello.Penny: Haven’t seen you in a while. How’s it going?Sheldon: Oh, other than waiting out the exponential growth period of the virulent organisms trooping through my microvilli into my circulatory system, hunky-dory. (Penny laughs) Did I say something amusing?Penny: I don’t know, maybe, I have no idea what you said.Sheldon: So your mirth is merely a discharge of nervous energy with no semantic content at all?Penny: My mirth. Classic.Sheldon: Is there a station coming up where I can board your giggling train of thought?Penny: It’s not a big deal, Sheldon. It’s just, ever since Leonard’s been dating Raj’ssister, I’ve had to keep my distance. I don’t get to hear all your jibber-jabber.Sheldon: Jibber-jabber? I don’t jibber-jabber.Penny: What are you doing at work these days?Sheldon: Oh, I’m working on time-dependent backgrounds in string theory, specifically quantum field theory in D-dimensional de Sitter space.Penny: Alright, come on, even you have to admit that’s jibber-jabber.Sheldon: Interesting, do you know where the phrase jibber-jabber comes from?Penny: Oh, my God, you’re about to jibber-jabber about jibber-jabber.Leonard: Howard and his mother are at the hospital. Come on, we gotta go.Penny: Oh, my God! What happened?Leonard: I don’t know, I just got a text. Come on, hurry.Penny: Okay.Leonard: Sheldon, let’s go!Sheldon: To a hospital? Full of sick people? Oh, I don’t think so.Penny: Okay, well, your friend and his mother are there, we’re going.Sheldon: I can’t.Penny: Oh, don’t tell me you’re afraid of germs.Sheldon: Not all germs. Just the ones that will kill me. It’s the same way I’m not afraid of all steak knives, just the ones that might be plunged in my thorax.Leonard: Right, fine. I’ll tell Howard you didn’t come because you’r e more concerned about your own well-being than his.Sheldon: I would think he would know that.Penny: Okay, you know what? You are unbelievable. You buy all these superhero T-shirts, but when it’s time for you to step up and do the right thing, you just hide in the laundry room.Sheldon: Fine, I’ll go. Just for the record, my Aunt Ruth died in a hospital. She went in to visit my Uncle Roger, caught something and bit the dust a week later. The two of them now share a coffee can on my mother’s mantel.Scene: A hospital waiting room.Howard: So I knocked down the bathroom door, picked up my poor unconscious mother, carried her to the car, and drove like a madman to the emergency room.Bernadette: You’re a real hero, Howard.Howard: No, I did what any son would do.Penny: Hang on a second, you picked up your mother? Her own legs are barely able to do that.Howard: I was filled with adrenaline. It happens to be how women lift cars off babies.Penny: Yeah, I’m saying, it’d be easier to lift a car.Howard: What can I tell you? After I found the courage to put her pants back on, I was unstoppable. Leonard: So, how is she?Howard: They’re running tests. I don’t know. It may have been a heart attack or heart-attack-like event. Penny: What’s the difference?Sheldon: A heart-attack-like event is an event that’s like a heart attack.Penny: Thanks for clearing that up.Sheldon: Regardless, coronary problems are eminently treatable. What’s more likely going to kill Howard’s mother are the antibiotic-resistant super-bugs festering in every nook and cranny of this hospital.Penny: Okay, you’re not helping.Sheldon: Disagree.Leonard: Go sit over there.Sheldon: I’ll sit over there, it looks cleaner.Leonard: Is there a history of heart disease in your family?Howard: My fami ly is the history of heart disease. There’s a cave painting in France of one of my ancestors doing this (clutches chest).Bernadette: So it’s probably genetic.Howard: Well, maybe. Mom also had just gotten some news that might have upset her.Bernadette: What?Howard: It’s not important.Bernadette: Come on, Howard, I’m going to be your wife. You can share anything with me.Howard: You’d think that. But no.Bernadette: You told her we were going to get married and she had a heart attack?Howard: You can’t take that personally.Penny: How else is she supposed to take it?Howard: What you’ve got to keep in mind is that ever since my dad left, I’ve been the whole world to my mother.I mean, she’d be threatened by any woman who can give me what she can’t.Bernadette: You mean sexual intercourse?Howard: Well, when you say it like that you make it sound creepy.Priya(arriving): What happened?Bernadette: Howard’s mother had a heart attack because I have sex with him and she can’t.Howard: Bernie, wait!Sheldon(to Raj): I’ll give you $1,000 if you’ll drive me home.Scene: The same, later.Priya: Nice of you to come for Howard.Penny: Well, he’s my friend. It’s what you do. (Laughs)Priya: I’m sorry, did I miss something?Penny: It’s just so weird. Howard Wolowitz is my friend. You know, once he tried to stick his tongue down my throat and I broke his nose.Priya: That’s a little easier to believe than he’s your friend.Penny: Yeah, tell me about it.。

I'm telling you, if xenon emits ultraviolet light,hen those dark matter discoveries must be wrong. Yes, well, if we lived in a worldwhere slow-moving xenon produced light,then you'd be correct.Also, pigs would fly,my derriere would produce cotton candy,and The Phantom Menace would be a timeless classic. Oh, you're so arrogant.If you were a superhero,your name would be Captain Arrogant.And you know what your superpower would be? Arrogance.You're wrong again.If my superpower were arrogance,my name would be Dr. Arroganto.I love watching Raj and Sheldon try to work together. Yeah, it's like if Alien and Predator decidedto go partners in a Jamba Juice.Has it occurred to you you're missing the big picture? - If you look at neutron scattering data... - Oh, Penny? - Penny? - What's up?Nothing. I just wanted to make Raj stop talking.No, no, no.He won. Suck it up.Well, I'd ask you guys if you want dessert,but I know Sheldon doesn't eat dessert on Tuesdays. And even if Raj wanted something, he couldn't tell me. Howard won't order anything,but he will come up with some sort of skeevy comment involving the words pie or cheesecake.And Leonard's lactose intolerant,so he can't eat anything herewithout his intestines blowing up like a balloon animal. Hang on a second.I could have the fruit platter.ou want the fruit platter?- Does it have melon on it? - Yeah.No, I can't eat melon.Oh, Howard, heads up.Your ex-girlfriend just came in for her shift.When was the last time you saw her?Oh, not since we broke up.Wow. How am I going to play this?Sophisticated and relaxed?Friendly, noncommittal?Cold and distant?Hi, guys.Hello.see you decided to go with pathetic and frightened.It's one of his best moves.So, my dear, we meet again.Hello, Howard.I've missed you.I've missed you, Katee Sackhoff.One question. - Anything.Why am I wearing my Battlestar Galactica flight suit in bed? Why are you in bed with me?If we start to question this, it all falls apart.Sorry. Oh, ravish me, Howard.My loins ache for you.Okay, if you insist.Howard, have you seen my girdle?!No, Ma!I can't find it, and I'm late for my Weight Watchers meeting! Maybe it committed suicide!Leave me alone!Now, where were we?I believe you were aboutto rip off my uniform with your teeth.Bernadette?!What are you doing here?Well, if I had to guess, I'd say I'm herebecause you saw me earlier this evening,and you're still hung up on me.No, I'm not.Clearly you are.Otherwise, based on past experience,we'd be done by now.Okay, I'm a little confused here.Oh, my. Can I help?Not that kind of confused.What's George Takei doing here?Howard, do you have latent homosexual tendencies?No, of course not.So you say.Yet, here I am.George, let me ask you something.How did you deal with being typecast as a science fiction icon? It's difficult.You try and stretch as an actor--do Strindberg, O'Neill,\but all they want is, "Course laid in, Captain."Tell me about it.It's frackin' frustrating.Wait. Katee, why are you leaving?She's leaving because you really want to be with me.Howard, I found my girdle!It was in the dryer!Great, Ma!I think it shrunk!I'm spilling out like the Pillsbury Doughboy here!And with that mental picture,I think we're done for the evening.You never told me what happened between you and Bernadette.I did a stupid thing.Yeah, I guessed that.It was the kind of thing that makes it kind of hard to face her now.That covers anything from farting in bedto killing a homeless guy.Oh, my God.You ran over a hobo.No. Stop asking.All right, fine. So you want to get back together with her,but you're too ashamed to face herbecause of whatever it is you did.In a nutshell. - Okay.Well, how about this?Kidnap Bernadette from the operawearing a creepy mask so she doesn't know it's you.Now, you see, I don't know if you're kidding or not.You're being unreasonable.Why can't I have a desk?!Our collaboration is a work of the mind.We don't need desks.You have a desk.Correct. - But I can't have one.You're two for two.Why can't he have a desk, Sheldon?Oh, Lord, will this day never end?As I've explained repeatedly to Dr. Koothrappali,whose ability to comprehend the American idiom fails himwhen it's convenient.There's absolutely no money in my budget for additional office furniture. Oh, but there's money for a drawer full of Red Vines,a marshmallow shooting rifle,and a super executive ant farm with glow-in-the-dark sand? Yes.Okay, what if he buys his own desk?Yeah, what if I buy my own desk?That's ridiculous. - Why?Because...Yes?It's my office.- Sheldon. - All right, all right.He can buy his own desk.And I can put it in your office?Well, you really want to dot the I's and cross the T's, don't you? Why would you want a glow-in-the-dark ant farm?They do some of their best work at night.Ah, it's okay.Penny?Penny?Penny?Would you have opened the door if you knew it was me?Not since I found outthe teddy bear you gave me had a webcam in it.I just have a question.Does Bernadette ever talk about me?Oh, absolutely.She does? - Yeah, sure.Just yesterday, she asked,Why is Howard hiding under the table?"She saw that, huh?Oh, no, not at first.\Right after I pointed it out.Let me ask you something else.Is she seeing anybody?Oh, not that I know of.Hey, while we're on the subject,why did you guys break up anyway?Oh, I'd rather not say.Howard, if you want my help, I've got to know what happened. But it's embarrassing...Yeah, that's what I'm counting on. Spill.Okay. Well, you know World of Warcraft?Um, the online game? Sure.Well, did you knowthat the characters in the game can have sex with each other?Oh, God. I think I see where this is going.Her name was Glissinda the Troll.Bernadette walked in on mewhile we were doing the cyber-nasty under the Bridge of Souls. Oh, you're right. That is so embarrassing.Would you talk to her?Bernadette or the troll?Bernadette. She was so mad at me,she wouldn't even listen to my side of the story.Well, what was your side?Well, for all we know, Glissinda the Troll wasn't even a real woman.I mean, she could've been a 50-year-old truck driver in New Jersey. Really? And that didn't make her feel better?Will you talk to her, see if there's any chance at allwe could get back together?Oh, gee, Howard, I really don't want to get in the middle of this. No. Why would you?I'm just another lonely nerd, living with his mother,trying to find any scrap of happiness he can.You know, maybe to make up forthe fact that his dad left him when he was 11.Okay, I will think about it.You know, I've always blamed myself for him leaving.I always thought it was because I wasn't the son he wanted. Yeah, I said I'd think about it.I wasn't athletic, yeah, I was kind of sickly...Okay, fine. Look, look, I'm calling her now! See?!Thank you.So anyway, Howard asked Penny to talk to Bernadette,and she did, and Bernadette agreed to meet him for a cup of coffee.- One question. - Yeah?Why on earth are you telling me all this?I don't know.Sometimes your movements are so lifelike,I forget you're not a real boy.You said I could buy a desk.This isn't a desk.This is a... Brobdingnagian monstrosity.Is that the American idiom for "Giant, big-ass desk"?It's actually British.Can you say it again for me?Brobdingnagian.One more time?Brobdingnagian.Now three times fast?Brobdingnagian, Brobdingna...How did you even get it in here?That's for me, Ramon, Julio, Jesus and Rodrigo to know and you to find out.All right, you've made your point.A fine prank, very amusing.Now get it out.No. - Yes.No. - Yes.No. - Yes!have three brothers and two sisters, Sheldon--I can do this all day.All right, if you're not going to remove it,I'll remove it for you.Knock yourself out.Help me move my desk.No. - Yes.No. - Yes.No. It's too Brobdingnagian.Why do you even want this here?Its size is completely disproportionate to its purpose. Well, seeing as its purpose was to piss you off,I'd say it's spot-on.All right, I see what's going on.This is the opening salvo in what will bean escalating series of juvenile tit-for-tat exchanges. Well titted.Thank you.Stand by for my upcoming tat.Hey, Sheldon?Yes?No.See what I did there? I turned it around.Sorry, I had to clock out.Oh, no, that's okay.How have you been?Okay. You know, busy, school, work. You?Same. I took a scuba-diving course over the summer, but it turns out I'm terrified of the ocean.Too bad.You wouldn't know anybodywho wants to buy a wet suit, boy's large?Yeah, forget it. Not important.So, are you seeing anyone?- Well, to be honest, I... - Hey, how are we doing over here? Can I get you something to drink?Not for me, thanks. - I'm okay.Are you gonna want to order food?Maybe later. - Okay.So, are you seeing anybody?No.That's what I told him when he asked me.I hope that's not out of line.No, it's fine. - Penny, can we have a little privacy?Oh. I'm sorry.What about you, have you been seeing anybody?Well, you know how it is with guys.I mean, we have needs and...So you've been seeing other girls?Well, not real girls.Does that mean slutty trolls?You know, you look thirsty.- I brought you some iced tea. - Thank you.It's passion fruit, new on the menu.I know. I work here. - Oh, sorry.Yeah, you're right. Doy.So, Howard, trolls yay or nay?Isn't there somewhere else you can be?Not where I can hear you guys.Okay, fine.I'll admit, there are dark, sordid little corners of the Internet where the name Wolowizard is whispered in hushed tones. The only reason I go there,the only reason I've ever gone thereis because I don't have a real woman in my life.You happy? - Yeah, that'll hold me for a while.Howard, you did have a real woman.was right there in the next roomwhile you were clicking that troll's brains out.Yeah, but we weren't...I-I mean, you and I never...Had sex?Yeah.Well, whose fault was that?Complimentary nachos!You enjoy.Never had sex?What do you mean, whose fault was that?Well, we could've been having sex,but you never made the move.I didn't think you wanted me to make the move.Howard, a girl doesn't go out with a man like you,with your looks, your fancy patter and your tight hoochie pants f she's not expecting him to eventually make the move. Really?Really.Son of a bitch.Hey, this is a little awkward,but my manager says I can't actually give nachos away. o... just take that when you're ready.Yeah, we had a really great talk,and we're gonna start seeing each other again.Oh, congratulations.Have you broken it to the troll yet?Did Penny tell you about that?No. Steve Patterson told me.The greasy old fat guy in Facilities Management?Yeah. - How'd he know about it?He's Glissinda the troll.Sorry, dude, the thermostat's on my side of the room,so it stays Mumbai hot in hereuntil you turn off that stupid Indian music!I'll turn off the musicwhen you get rid of that salmonella-ridden parakeet!Oh, too bad! Sheldon's pathologically afraid of birds!Hey, look, Sheldon! Birdie, birdie, birdie!That's it! Prepare for marshmallow death!Eat flaming Nerf!\So anyway...\That's great news about you and Bernadette.Yeah. I think I'm gonna take her to miniature golf.\Ah. I guess for you guys that's like regular golf.Short jokes? Really?\You're, like, a quarter of an inch taller than me.Yeah, and don't you forget it.had a good time.Me, too.Kiss her good night.All right, now a little tongue.Hold on there.We've only just rekindled the romance.Let's not sully the moment with the exchange of saliva.Don't listen to him.She wants it.Tongue.See?Now make the move.Too soon.Trust me, she's ready.Make the move.No, no, no.A lady wants to be wooed,courted slowly.How would you know?I read.Listen to me, Howard, it's time.Make the move, now.What are you doing?You said... well, the "Move," Remember?Oh, not now.We're starting a new relationship.I need to get to know you again.No, you don't.It's me.The lusty charmer with the fancy patterand the hoochie pants.Be patient; we'll get there.Told you.Oh, God, what's that smell?Yes?What are you doing in there?Just a little experiment in pest control.It's not gonna work, dude; I grew up in India--an entire subcontinent where cows walk in the street,and nobody has ever had a solid bowel movement.Well, we'll just see how long you can hold out.Well, we'll just see how your noxious gasfares against my cinnamon-apple-scented aroma therapy candles. Didn't you say you're making hydrogen sulfide gas?Yes. - Isn't that flammable?Highly. Oh, dear.This is not over.。

THE BIG BANG THEORY 中英剧本+词汇解析(TBBT-S01-EP07-08)第一季7集: The Dumpling Paradox-Howard：Watch this, it's really cool.看这个，真的很酷。

Call Leonard Hofstadter.呼叫Leonard Hofstadter。

-Machine：Did you say: "Call Helen Boxleitner"? 您说的是"呼叫Helen Boxleitner"吗？-Howard：No. Call Leonard Hofstadter.不，呼叫Leonard Hofstadter。

-Machine：Did you say: "Call Temple Beth Seder"? 您说的是"呼叫Temple Beth Seder"吗？-Howard：No.不。

-Leonard：Here, let me try it.来让我试试。

Call McFlono McFlooniloo.呼叫McFlono McFlooniloo。

-Machine：Calling Rajesh Koothrappali.正在呼叫Rajesh Koothrappali。

-Raj：Oh, it's very impressive.impressive：给人印象深刻的真的很强悍。

And a little racist.racist：种族主义者还带点儿种族主义。

-Sheldon：If we're all through playing "mock the flawed technology,"all through：一直mock：愚弄，嘲弄flawed：有缺陷的technology：科技如果你们玩够了"嘲笑残次科技"，can we get on with Halo night?get on with：继续（干某事）Halo：（图画中圣人头上的）光环，灵光我们能开始"光晕"之夜了吗(XBOX经典第一人称射击游戏)？We were supposed to start at 8:00.be supposed to：应该，被期望我们本该8点开始。