生活大爆炸剧本

S11E01 of The Big Bang Theory《生活大爆炸》前情提要Previously on The Big Bang Theory...我得到了普林斯顿大学的夏季研究奖学金I was offered a summer research fellowship at Princeton. 很不错的大学 A fine institution.阿尔伯特·爱因斯坦教过书的地方The place where Albert Einstein taught,莱纳德也是在那里拿到博士学位and where Leonard got his PhD,所以那学校可能没落了so it may have gone downhill.各位还记得诺维茨基博士吗Gentlemen, you may remember Dr. Nowitzki.她又回来加州理工读博士后啦She's back at Caltech for her postdoc.问一下你是想和我发展恋爱关系吗Question. are you seeking a romantic relationship with me? 如果我是呢What if I were?这会引起一系列的问题Well, that would raise a number of problems.我们是同事我现在有女友We're colleagues, I'm currently in a relation...艾米艾米Amy? Amy.艾米Amy?时至今日and now你愿意嫁给我吗Will you marry me?请稍等我一下One moment, please.不是吧你要在这节骨眼接电话吗Really, you're going to answer that right now?是莱纳德打来It's Leonard.我不想失礼嘛I don't want to be rude.你好Hello?你上哪去了Oh, hey, where you been?打你电话找你好久了We've been calling you for hours.抱歉我的手机之前开了飞行模式Oh, I'm sorry, my phone was on "Airplane" mode.为什么Why?因为我在飞机上啊Because I was on an airplane.开免提Hey, put him on speaker.你去哪里了Yeah. ?Hey, where are you?我来普林斯顿大学找艾米I came to Princeton to see Amy.说来也挺有意思It's a funny story, actually.我当时在跟诺维茨基博士共进午餐I was having lunch with Dr. Nowitzki,然后她亲吻了我and she kissed me.什么Excuse me? - What?你说什么I'm sorry?在那一刻我意识到And in that moment, I realized艾米才是我余生that Amy was the only woman I ever wanted to kiss唯一想亲吻的女人for the rest of my life.所以我来新泽西跟她求婚So I came to New Jersey to ask her to marry me.你真是太贴心了Oh, that's so sweet.谢尔顿... -不过呢- Sheldon... - Yeah, although我的确是先去征求了某位男士的祝福there was one man whose blessing I needed first.我想过了我确实想要I've thought about it, and I really want to spend与艾米共度余生the rest of my life with Amy.你会祝福我吗Do I have your blessing?谢尔顿Well, Sheldon...我觉得你应该将她的手指像土星一样...I think you should make her finger like Saturn套一个"环"在上面and put a ring on it.你去问了霍金博士而不是艾米的父亲吗You asked Stephen Hawking and not her father?霍金博士是个天才Stephen Hawking's a genius.如果他不支持我才不要浪费时间去问她爸呢If he said no, I wasn't gonna waste my time on her father.那你有问过我父亲吧But you did ask my father?有他同意I did. He said yes.但不是用机械人式语音说的所以没那么酷Although, not in a robot voice, so it wasn't nearly as cool.我的天啊真不敢相信你们订婚了Okay. Oh, my God, I can't believe you guys are engaged.还没订上婚呢We're not engaged, yet.她还没答应我She's taking forever to answer.那是因为你一直在讲电话Because you're on the phone!我们稍后回电We'll call you back.她同意了She said yes.恭喜你们Yay! ?Congratulations!母亲我有好消息与你分享Mother, I have some good news to share.我们订婚啦We're engaged.我真为你们开心但我一点都不惊讶I am so happy for you two, but I'm not surprised.我一直在为这事祈祷I've been praying for this.这件事上帝没半点功劳Well, God had nothing to do with it.完全是因为我跟别的女人接了吻It happened because I was kissing another woman,令我意识到我想跟艾米共度余生and it made me realize I wanted to be with Amy.居然有超过一名女性对你有兴趣More than one woman was interested in you?我可能祈祷得太猛了I might have prayed a little too hard.等等我想先... Wait, oh, and I just...我想现在就跟你说清楚I want to let you know right now我们不会在教堂里成婚that we are not getting married in a church.没关系谢尔顿That's all right, Sheldon.耶稣在哪里那便是教堂Anywhere Jesus is is a church.但他不会在我们婚礼上Well, he won't be at our wedding.他会在我心里所以只要我人在He's in my heart, so if I'm there,他就在he'll be there.行那他就是你带的伴Okay, well, then, he's your plus-one.你带人的名额就用完了You don't get to bring anyone else.没关系爱你That's fine. Love you.我也爱你再见Love you, too. Bye.主啊谢谢您Lord, thank you.虽然您无所不能Even though you can do anything,但这事真显出了您的无上威能that was mighty impressive.我们订婚了We're engaged.天啊太棒了Oh, my God, that's amazing!慢着快告诉我整个经过Wait, uh, tell me everything.是这样的诺维茨基博士亲了我Well, Dr. Nowitzki was kissing me...你可以别再用这事当故事开头了Okay, you can stop leading with that part of the story. 恭喜你们啊Well, congratulations.太为你们俩高兴了I'm so happy for you two.稍等我得告诉伯纳黛特Hold on, I have to tell Bernadette.妮妮你猜怎么着Hey, Bernie, guess what?谢尔顿跟艾米订婚啦你相信吗？Sheldon and Amy got engaged. Can you believe it? 天啊我真不敢相信Oh, my God. I cannot believe it.她好像高兴到... 在喜极而泣啊She's so happy... I think she's crying.你觉得谢尔顿会想要办类似Do you think Sheldon's gonna want奇葩的《星舰迷航》主题的婚礼吗some weird Star Trek wedding?我不知道I don't know.莱纳德当时想说Well, Leonard could barely finish the words"《神秘博士》婚礼蛋糕" ，"Doctor Who wedding cake"还没说完就被我狠狠拒绝before I shut that down hard.你有在听我说话吗Are you listening to me?有啊你对莱纳德毫无人性我听到了Yeah, you're mean to Leonard. I heard you.你还好吗Is everything okay?我要告诉你一件事Look, I'm gonna tell you something,但你不许惊慌失措but you can't freak out,因为我已经很手足无措了because I'm already freaking out.天啊什么事Oh, my God, what is it?我又怀孕了I'm pregnant again.什... Wha...有点儿意思Interesting.霍华德知道了会疯的Howard's gonna lose his mind.慢着你还没告诉他吗Wait, you haven't told him yet?没有No.你第一个告诉我吗噢，妮妮小亲亲You told me first? Oh, Bernie!这事不应该啊我们很小心的This wasn't supposed to happen-- we were careful.对啊我本来还以为哺乳期内Yeah, I didn't even think you could get pregnant女人是不会怀孕的呢while you were breastfeeding.结果呢老娘就怀了Well, guess what? You can.好吧听着这是一件好事Okay, look, look, this is a good thing.这样哈雷就会有个弟弟Halley's gonna have a little brother或者妹妹陪她玩了or sister to play with.我想那应该是会挺可爱的I guess that would be pretty cute.你知道吗我也是我爸妈的意外之喜And, you, know, I was a surprise to my parents, 我爸说我是发生在他们身上and my dad said it was the best thing最美好的事that ever happened to them.好吧也许这个宝宝是上天的恩赐Okay. Maybe this baby actually is a blessing.天啊亲爱的当然了Oh, my God, honey, of course it is.我怎么会又怀上了呢How am I pregnant again?对啊你们怎么搞的Yeah, what were you thinking?机票确认好了All right, I'm all checked in to my flight.我好难过你要走了Well, I'm sad you're leaving.为什么你会订当天来回呢Why'd you only book a flight for one day?我来是为了求婚I came here to propose.要是你拒绝我我可不想If you'd said no, I wouldn't want to stick around留下来看着你的蠢样looking at your stupid face.是这样的只有你在拒绝我的情况下Now, mind you, your face is only stupid你才会是一脸蠢样in the "No" version of the story.但我答应了所以我一辈子得到了这个聪明样But I said yes, so I get a lifetime of this.是啊聪明样Yes, you do, smart face.不如你多待几天吧Why don't you stay a few extra days?我没带别的衣服Well, I don't have any other clothes.我们可以去买We'll get you some.不要了吧我这个人很挑的Oh, I don't know, I'm pretty particular.离这儿不到1英里的地方有家漫画店Well, there's a comic book store less than a mile from here. 棒买买买Perfect, let's go shopping.对了我今晚要跟同事共进晚餐Oh, um, and I'm having dinner with some colleagues tonight.他们会很高兴见到你的I'm sure they'd love to meet you.来嘛好不好Come on, what do you say?你开始用烦我的招数了Aw, you're nagging me.感觉我们已经结婚了似的It's like we're already married.那到底好不好嘛Is that a yes or a no?天啊留点力给蜜月吧Geez, save some for the honeymoon.瞧那是诺维茨基Look at Nowitzki over there.不敢相信她想从艾米身边抢走谢尔顿I can't believe she tried to steal Sheldon from Amy.瞧好了You know what?我现在要过去告诉她他们订婚了I'm gonna go there and tell her that they're engaged now她的小把戏落空了and that her little plan didn't work.这是因为你想维护谢尔顿Because you're sticking up for Sheldon,还是因为你还在气她拒绝了你or because you're still mad she rejected you?距离太远听不到你在讲什么Too far away, can't hear you.你好拉蒙娜Hello, Ramona.你好Hello.怎么独自一人坐在这呢Why are you sitting by yourself?我知道了Oh, that's right,谢尔顿在新泽西他和艾米订婚了Sheldon's in New Jersey being engaged to Amy.我听说了I heard.现在谢尔顿已经是过去式Now that Sheldon's out of the picture,我可以再给你个机会跟我约会I could give you one more chance to go out with me.谢邀不用了Nope, I'm good.你确定吗You sure?我可不会再问第二次I will not ask again.我真心希望你不会再问了I sincerely hope not.行Very well.那在气氛变尴尬之前我先离开了I'm going to leave before this gets awkward.要我做晚饭吗Want me to make dinner?好啊不过你能先坐下来吗Uh, sure, but first, why don't you have a seat?我有东西给你看There's something I need to show you.是晚饭教程的话就完美了Ooh, if it's how to make dinner, that'd be great.这是... 验孕棒吗Is this a... pregnancy test?是的Yes.这表示... 有了吗That means... positive?是的Yes.不是吧No.是的Yes.不不是N-- No.是的Yes.别啊No!这怎么可能发生呢How could this even happen?我们这么小心Uh, w-- we were careful.就是发生了-不可能- Well, it did. - ?No!我不能接受-接受现实吧-Yes! Yes! - ?No! No!好吧好吧行吧Okay! Okay! Okay!那我们该怎么办Well, w-what are we gonna do?什么叫"我们该怎么办" What do you mean what are we gonna do?我们又要生一个宝宝了We're gonna have another baby.不不-别叫了- No! No! ?- Stop that!就是怀了-我也想不叫啊?- Yes! - No, I'm trying!我知道这感觉很可怕但是Look, I know it's scary, but...我们都是负责任的成年人我们能行we're both responsible adults, we can do this.你真这么想吗You really think so?不No!你好斯图尔特-你好拉杰- Hey, Stuart. - Oh, hey, Raj.有什么能帮到你的What can I help you with?我要买一份订婚礼物I need to buy an engagement gift.那你来错地方了Well, you came to the wrong place.是送给谢尔顿和艾米的It's for Sheldon and Amy.不是吧他们订婚了-是的- No way! They're engaged? - Yeah.真是个令人激动的好消息Well, that's exciting news.谁能想到谢尔顿和艾米会是下一对Who would've thought Sheldon and Amy would be the next two 喜结连理的呢to tie the knot?可不是嘛我才是那个Tell me about it. I'm the one在莱纳德和佩妮婚礼上接到捧花的人who caught the bouquet at Leonard and Penny's wedding.通常是女生抢捧花/抢到捧花的人会延续幸福/最快下一个结婚好吧Okay.我看看Uh... you know,他们可能会喜欢这个they might like this.超人和神奇女侠挺浪漫的Superman and Wonder Woman, it's kind of romantic.其实呢You know what?我干嘛给他们买礼物Why am I buying them a gift?他们已经拥有爱了They have love.去他们幸福脱单的Screw them and their happiness.你有没有适合苦逼单身狗的东西What do you have for someone who's bitter and alone?基本上全部都是Literally everything.谢尔顿这两位是我研究小组的领导Sheldon, these are the heads of my research team.你好-赞恩博士哈里斯博士- Oh, hello. - Dr. Zane, Dr. Harris,这是我未婚夫谢尔顿·库珀博士this is my fiance, Dr. Sheldon Cooper.这是我第一次这样说That's the first time I've said that我都得起鸡皮疙瘩了and it kind of gave me the goose bumps.库珀博士Dr. Cooper,很高兴能见到你we are so excited to meet you.太客气了Well, that's very kind of you.如果你希望的话，饭后我可以帮你们在菜单上签名If you'd like, I could autograph your menus after dinner, yeah?但最好别让我发现你们拿去网上拍卖But I better not see those on eBay.不不我们只是很开心能见到No, no, no, we're just excited to meet the man赢得这位才华横溢的女士的男士who landed this brilliant woman here.那一点都不难That wasn't hard,是她倒追我的she threw herself at me.但要让宇宙向我展露"私密之处" Now, getting the universe to show me its naughty bits,那才需要费一番功夫that-that took some doing.谢尔顿是物理学家Sheldon's a physicist.挺不错啊Oh, that's nice.艾米我最近读了你Amy, I recently read your paper on lesions关于嗅觉受体损伤的论文in the olfactory receptors in the brain.非常受到启发It was inspired.看来水平不算太臭Oh, well, I guess it didn't stink.但即使臭了那只老鼠也闻不到But if it did, that rat wouldn't have known it.抱歉?I'm sorry,你肯定不想坐在这儿I'm sure you don't want to sit here听我们聊工作and listen to a bunch of work talk.不我很喜欢Oh, no, I love it.我们来聊工作吧No, but let's talk about work.艾米的工作我的工作Amy's work, my work.不如就先聊我的工作吧Yeah, why don't we start with my work?我还真有个问题想问库珀博士Actually, I do have a question for Dr. Cooper.艾米首次告诉你她对突触追踪的切入点时When Amy first told you about her approach to synaptic tracing,你有意料到会给这个领域带来巨大变革吗did you think it was gonna revolutionize the field?不是吧Really?你要问的就是这个吗That's your question?怎么你是综艺节目《今夜娱乐》的人吗What are you, Entertainment Tonight?这样吧You know what?我来给你提供一个更好的问题听着Let me give you a better question. Here,"库珀博士um, "Dr. Cooper,听说你正在为美国军方I heard you were working on a top-secret project研究一个最高机密项目for the U.S. Military.不如跟我们说说这个吧" Why don't you tell us about that?"这才是个好问题See, that's a great question.好吧那项目怎么样Okay, what was that like?我不能告诉你那可是最高机密Oh, I can't tell you that, it's top-secret.刚才好心累Boy, that was exhausting.无意冒犯但你的同事很无礼You know, no offense, but your colleagues were pretty rude.是吗是他们无礼吗Really, they were rude?是啊Yes.他们只会一直说你的事说你有多了不起They just kept talking about you and how great you are, 完全无视我多次提起我自己no matter how many times I brought me up.他们是我的同事You know, these are my colleagues想谈论我的工作成果and they want to talk about my work.这有什么好让你不爽的Why does that bother you so much?因为我也在场啊Because I was there.就像请《变形金刚》的擎天柱来吃饭It's like having Optimus Prime over to dinner却不叫他变身卡车一样and not asking him to turn into a truck.你知道吗谢尔顿You know what, Sheldon?你并非永远是所有空间里最聪明的人You're not always the smartest person in every room.你很可能都不是这房间里最聪明的人You may not even be the smartest person in this room.不好意思Oh, I am sorry.难道尼尔·德格拉塞·泰森躲在沙发后面吗What, is Neil deGrasse Tyson hiding behind the couch? 著名天体物理学家如果真是他也没多聪明'Cause if he is, he's not that smart,因为后面挺多灰的it's pretty dusty back there.你要去哪里Hey, where are you going?我要气冲冲地回我的房间I'm storming off to my room.那我能气冲冲地走去哪儿Well, then where am I supposed to storm off to?你那么聪明怎么不自己想Well, you're so smart, why don't you figure it out?还有其他卧室吗Is there another bedroom?或者小房间之类的Perhaps a-a den?你们对你子宫里那个新事物So, how are you guys doing with all the new适应得怎么样events in your womb?挺好的，你知道吗？Good, you know?很明显这事我们也没预料到Obviously, it was a surprise.之前发生了一些哭泣和争吵There was some crying and some yelling.有些“和好性事”的提议也被拒绝了Some suggestion of make-up sex that did not go over well,哪怕我们不可能怀上加怀even though it's not like we can get more pregnant.但我们意识到这是一份礼物But then we realized that it's a gift, in the sense虽然我们没有主动要求that we didn't ask for it,也没有主动选择and we may not have chosen it...而且我们已经有一个了And we already have one.你知道吗？每当我买到喜欢的上衣You know, whenever I find a top I like,我就会回去再买一件同款不同色的I always go back and get a second one in a different color.我希望你们的宝宝不会是不同色Which I hope is not the case with your baby.我知道你们吓坏了但你们是很好的父母I know you guys are freaked out, but you're great parents你们如果需要帮忙我们随时都在and if you ever need help, we are here for you.是啊不管什么忙开口就是了Yeah, anything at all, just ask.你知道你们能做什么吗Ooh, you know what you could do?你们可以也生个宝宝You could have a baby, too.不好意思你说什么I'm sorry, what?真是个好主意我们可以一起经历这个过程No, that's a great idea, we could go through it together.那一定会很好玩对吧Wouldn't that be fun?你们刚刚才在说You guys were just saying你们有多害怕多凄惨how freaked out and miserable you are.我经常说疯话I say a lot of crazy things.毕竟我怀孕了体内激素发生变化I'm pregnant and hormonal.快点生个宝宝干起来Do it! Have a baby, do it!那画面超级萌我们的孩子在一起玩耍Come on, it'd be so cute, our kids playing together?怎么样你们俩快去把床单滚起What do you say, why don't you two hit the old mattress赶紧搞出个娃娃来and whip up a family?我们才不会为了让你们开心Okay, we're not gonna have a baby就赶紧生孩子呢just to make you guys feel better.想让我俩生孩子除非是我们准备好了Yeah, if we're gonna have a baby it's gonna be when we are ready,或者我确定佩妮要抛弃我了or when I'm certain Penny is gonna leave me.没错Exactly.他们都是我的朋友我应该为他们高兴They're my friends, and I should be happy for them.我也努力过了A-And I'm trying,但我只感到满腹纠结和莫名的空虚but all I feel is this gnawing, empty sensation in my gut.我也曾有过这种感觉I had that once.后来发现是我肚里长了绦虫Turned out it was a tapeworm.好吧... Cool. Uh...只是... 这种事很难跟其他朋友聊It's just...it's hard talking to my other friends about this,但我想你可以理解我but I knew you would understand.为什么Why is that?因为你和我都是单身狗Because you and I are both alone,想想还真是抚慰人心which is actually kind of comforting,至少我们单着的路上有个伴because at least we can be alone together.这真是太尴尬了Mm. This is-this is awkward.我今晚本来打算提早关店I, um, I was actually gonna close up a little early tonight因为我要去约会'cause I have a date.真的吗Really?真的Yeah.请原谅我无法为你感到开心Forgive me if I'm having trouble being happy for you.小傻瓜痛在你身乐在我心Don't be silly, I'm loving your pain.这会是我俩结婚以后的状态吗Is this how our marriage is going to be?有时候人们会更愿意和她说话Sometimes people will be more interested而不是和我说话吗in talking to her than to me?你现在人在厕所吗Are you sitting in a bathroom?是的Yes.我需要一个能让我发泄的地方I needed a place to storm off to这里是唯一可以的地方and it was all that was available.好吧Fine.但如果我听见马桶冲水的声音谈话立刻结束But if I hear a flush, this conversation is over.即使有一位世界级的智者在那些人的面前Those people were in the presence of a world-class mind, 而他们却只想聊那些无聊废话and all they wanted to talk about was their own nonsense.你能听出其中的讽刺意味吗Can you see the irony in that statement?听出来没How about now?现在呢How about now?我等你慢慢想I'll wait.惊喜Surprise.糟了今天是我们的纪念日吗Oh, crap, is it our anniversary?不等一下No. Wait.-不-不是- No. - No.好吧那我们是在庆祝什么事All right, so what are we celebrating?你知道博纳黛特和霍华德又怀孕了Well, you know, Bernadette and Howard are pregnant again, 艾米和谢尔顿也要结婚了and Amy and Sheldon are getting married.我不想让你感到受冷落I didn't want you to feel left out.什么受冷落吗Ah. Left out?博纳黛特肚子里要长一个小宝宝Well, Bernadette has to grow a baby inside of her,艾米马上要嫁给另一个小宝宝and Amy has to marry one.我的人生非常圆满My life is great.所以你不想吃这蛋糕了吗So do you not want the cake?你把它端走试试看Try and take it away, see what happens.糟了今天真是我们结婚纪念日Oh, crap, it is our anniversary.结婚纪念日快乐Happy anniversary!艾米Amy.有些事我要告诉你There's something I need to say to you.我听着呢I'm listening.我一直在想复仇者联盟I've been thinking about the Avengers.我相信I believe that.但我觉得这没什么好跟我说的But I don't think that's something you needed to say to me.我意识到钢铁侠超屌I realized that Iron Man is great.但同时美国队长也很不错And also, that Captain America is great.有时钢铁侠还会出现在美国队长的电影里And sometimes, Iron Man is in a Captain America movie, 他也不会因为这不是钢铁侠电影而生气and he's not mad it's not an Iron Man movie.他只是帅气飞来让观众热血沸腾You know, he can fly in, give the audience a thrill,然后再霸气飞走and then fly away.我今晚应该这么表现才对And that should've been me tonight.我应该当你电影中的讨喜龙套I should've been the delightful cameo in your movie.谢谢你谢尔顿Thank you, Sheldon.相反的我表现得像暴怒的绿巨人一样... Instead, I was like the Hulk, and I...够了请不要再提复仇者联盟了Okay, please stop talking about the Avengers.总而言之Anyway.我为你骄傲I'm proud of you.我以后会尽量学习分享目光焦点And I'm going to try to do a better job因为我们是同一个队的of sharing the spotlight because we're a team.你懂吗就像是棒球道奇队的球员You know? Much like t-the Dodgers.如果他们有超能力和会打击犯罪If they had superpowers, and fought crime.而且雷神索尔也在队里And Thor was in them.谢尔顿我知道这很不容易Sheldon, I know this isn't easy,但你会有一辈子来慢慢练习but you'll have a whole lifetime to practice.也许真的需要这么久我对此非常不在行I-It could take that long, I'm really bad at it.也许... You know, maybe, um,我该从现在开始赶紧回帕萨迪纳I should start right now, and go back to Pasadena让你好好独自享受这一切and let you have this experience to yourself.你就是想回到那个You just want to go back大家都稀罕你的地方吧'cause that's where everybody makes a fuss over you.你的同事说得对你真是冰雪聪明You know, your colleagues are right, you are brilliant.3个月后3 months later你们好呀Hello.艾米欢迎回来Amy, welcome back.让我看看订婚戒指Oh, l-let me see the ring.美死了Ooh, nice.喂喂别乱看呀H-Hey, her eyes are up there.那就是亲了谢尔顿的女人吗I-Is that the woman who kissed Sheldon?有可能-很难说跟我们说说普林斯顿的事- Uh... Could be. - Hard to say. Tell us about Princeton. 请稍等我一会儿Excuse me for a minute.不我们之后再聊Not-- well, we'll catch up later.这将是自从我的阿姨在家族聚会上This is going to be the biggest smack down和我表姐穿了同样的沙丽之后since my Aunt Noopur showed up at the family reunion最大的一次撕逼大战了wearing the same sari as my cousin Sruti.诺维茨基博士Dr. Nowitzki?福勒博士你好Dr. Fowler. Um, hello.谢谢我衷心谢谢你全家Thank you. Thank you so much.。

第一季8集: The Grasshopper Experiment----(小人物实验)-Sheldon：Damn you, ! 去死吧，隐蔽钱包网。

s-Leonard：Problem 有麻烦了-Sheldon：The online description was completely网站上的介绍完全是在误导人。

misleading.They said eight slots, plus removable ID. 他们说有8个夹层外加一个抽取式证件存放层。

To any rational person, that would mean room for nine这对任何正常人都意味着能放9张卡，cards,but they don't tell you, 但他们不告诉你，the removable ID takes up one slot. 证件存放层要放在1个夹层里。

It's a nightmare! 真是场恶梦！-Leonard：Okay, now, do you really need 好吧，但你真会用到那张the Honorary Justice League of America membership card 美国正义联盟荣誉会员卡吗-Sheldon：It's been in every wallet I've owned since我从5岁起就一直保持卡不离钱包了。

I was five.-Leonard：Why 为什么？-Sheldon：It says "Keep this on your person at all这上面说"任何时候都要随身携带"。

times."It's right here under Batman's signature. 就在这儿，蝙蝠侠签名的下面。

-Raj：...and this is Leonard and Sheldon's apartment. ...这里是Leonard和Sheldon的公寓。

-Leonard&Wolowitz: Really, don't. Why...?
别问啊。
-Sheldon: Hot air blowers are incubators and spewers
incubator: 培养器 spewer: 呕吐者【喷射】
吹风机可以说是细菌
of bacteria and pestilence.
没事，考虑到他不说话，
him talking and him...
他说的话，还有他…
I'm better off alone.
我最好还是离开吧。
Good-bye, you poor, strange little man.
strange: 奇怪的
再见，你这个可怜的怪人。
-Raj: She's so considerate.
哦对，2008-NQ SUB-17。
-Raj: Or as I call it, planet Bollywood.
Bollywood: 宝莱坞（位于印度孟买的电影制作中心）
或者用我的叫法，宝莱坞星。
Anyway, because of
anyway: 总之
由于我的发现，
my discovery, People magazine is naming me
bacteria: 细菌 pestilence: 瘟疫
和瘟疫的发源地。
Frankly, it'd be more hygienic
frankly: 说实话 hygienic: 卫生的
老实说，用吹风机的话，
If they just had a plague-infested gibbon

Big bangPart 1-Penny：Hi, guys.Looks like you've been to the renaissance fair... I'm hoping.You guys, this is my friend Eric.伙计们。

好像你们刚才去文艺复兴集会了…我希望是。

伙计们，这是我的朋友Eric。

-Leonard：So, yeah, good to see you.很高兴见到你。

-Penny：It's good to see you, too.We should probably go.Bye, guys.我也是。

我们应该走了。

大家再见。

-Man：I like your hat.我很喜欢你的帽子。

-Howard：Thanks, my mom made it.Penny with a new guy, tri-awkward.谢谢，是我妈做的。

Penny有了新男友，非常尴尬。

-Leonard：It wasn't awkward. It wasn't fun. Besides, what's the big deal? We dated, we stopped dating, and now we're both moving on.没什么尴尬的，不过也不算好玩。

再说了，有什么关系？我们约会过而现在已经不约会了，我们都有了新发展。

-Raj：By moving on, Do you mean she's going out with other men and you spent the afternoon making 15th-century soap with Wolowitz?你说的发展的意思是不是指当她和另外一个男人约会的时候，你却整个下午都在和Wolowitz做十五世纪的肥皂。

-Leonard：Can we please just go in? My chain mail's stuck in my underwear.我们快点进去好吗？我的锁子甲被夹在内裤里了。

生活大爆炸第四季中英文剧本完整版Season 4, Episode 1: The Robotic Manipulation-Howard: And now the Kung Pao Chicken.这是宫保鸡丁。

-Leonard: Ah, yeah. Wow.啊，好，哇。

-Raj: Smooth.smooth: 平稳地，顺利地厉害。

-Howard: And finally,finally: 最终，最后最后，my Moo Shu Pork.是我的木须肉。

-Raj: Whoo-hoo!哇塞!-Howard: Oh, there you have it, gentlemen.好了,先生们,你们都看到了Our entire dinner unpacked by robot.entire: 全部的，整个的 dinner: 晚餐，晚宴 unpack: 打开机器人已经把所有饭菜取出来了。

-Raj: And it only took 28 minutes.仅仅花了28分钟时间。

-Sheldon: Impressive,impressive: 令人钦佩的，给人印象深刻的真不错啊，but we must be cautious.cautious: 谨慎的，小心的不过我们得小心点。

-Howard: Why?为什么?-Sheldon: Today, it's a Chinese food retrieval robot. retrieval: 检索，取回，恢复今天，这是个中餐传递机器人，Tomorrow, it travels back in timetravel: 旅行，旅途明天，它会及时地穿越时空，and tries to kill Sarah Connor.回去谋杀Sarah Connor(终结者外传女主人公)。

-Leonard: I don't think that's going to happen, Sheldon. Sheldon 我可不相信会发生这样的事情。

Smear me. 给我涂点酱。
-Sheldon: Well, here's an interesting turn of events. turn of events：事态的变化 事态的发展真是有趣。 -Leonard：What? 怎么了?
Howard brought a date? date：约会的对象 Howard 带了女伴?
到几点跟你说我很爱那孩子但他很难相处自从他在kmart超市从我身体里滑出来后
第一季四集: The Luminous Fish Effect
-Sheldon: you know, I've been thinking about time travel again. travel:旅行 我最近一直在想着时光旅行。 -Leonard：Why, did you hit a roadblock with invisibility? hit:碰撞 roadblock：障碍物 invisibility：看不见的东西 为什么，你又撞上看不见的路障了?
Mahalo. Mahalo (夏威夷语的谢谢)。 -Leonard：Mahalo is a nice touch. touch：修饰，润色 Mahalo 是不错的修饰。
-Sheldon: You know there only eight consonants in the Hawaiian language? consonants：辅音 你知道夏威夷语里只有 8 个辅音吗? -Leonard：Interesting. You should lead with that. 有趣，你就这么做开场白吧。 -Raj：Oh, god, look at this buffet. buffet：自助餐 瞧瞧这自助餐。

L:No, no, no. Orcs are magic.Superman is vulnerable to magic.Not to mention you already lost Godzilla to the Illinois Cavalry and Hulk.
半兽人是魔法部队 超人最怕魔法,更别提,哥斯拉早已被伊利诺伊骑兵和绿巨人消灭
是啊，靠胸进去，靠脑子留下.碰见你太好了,物理系弦乐四重奏还缺一个大提琴
L:What happened to Elliot Wong?
Elliot Wong怎么啦?
Leslie：He switched over to high-energy radiation research had a little mishap,and now the other guys are uncomfortable sitting next to him.So are you in?
P:Because you're not at Big Boy!
因为你不在大胖汉堡店!
S:Fine,I'll have the Barbecue Burger.
好吧 那我要烧烤汉堡
L:Make it two.
我也要这个
S:Waitresses don't yell at you at Big Boy.
稍等 宝贝.湿婆和格涅沙,印度教之神? 对抗整个北部联军?
L:And orcs.
还有半兽人
P:I'll be back.
我稍候再来
R:Excuse me.Ganesh is the Remover of Obstacles and Shiva is the Destroyer.When the smoke clears,Abraham Lincoln will be speaking Hindi and drinking mint juleps.

Script compiled bywww.big-bang-forum.deTHE address for geeks and …The Big Bang Theory“ fans!THE BIG BANG THEORYbyChuck Lorre & Bill PradySeason 1, Episode 2 (s01e02)Title: The Big Bran Hypothesis---> Dialog only <---LEONARDHere you go. Pad thai, no peanuts.HOWARDDoes it have peanut oil?LEONARDI'm not sure. Everyone keep an eyeon Howard in case he starts toswell up.SHELDONSince it's not bee season, you canhave my epinephrine.RAJESHAre there any chopsticks?SHELDONYou don't need chopsticks. This isThai food.LEONARDHere we go.SHELDONThailand has had the fork since thelatter half of the 19th century.Interestingly they don't put thefork in their mouth they use it toput the food on a spoon which thengoes into their mouth.LEONARDAsk him for a napkin, I dare you.I'll get it.HOWARDDo I look puffy? I feel puffy.PENNYHey, Leonard.LEONARDOh, hi, Penny.PENNYAm I interrupting?LEONARDNo.SHELDONYou're not swelling, Howard.HOWARDNo, no, look at my fingers. They're like Vienna sausages.PENNYSounds like you have company.LEONARDThey're not going anywhere. So,you're coming home from work.That's great. How was work?PENNYWell, you know, it's a Cheesecake Factory. People order cheesecake and I bring it to 'em.LEONARDSo you kind of act as like a carbohydrate delivery system?PENNYMm... Yeah, call it whatever you want, I get minimum wage. Yeah. Um, anyways I was wondering if youcould help me out with something,I'm kinda...LEONARDYes.PENNYOh. Okay, great, I'm having some furniture delivered tomorrow and I may not be here, so, oh... Hello.HOWARD[speaks in Russian]PENNYI'm sorry?HOWARDHaven't you ever been told how beautiful you are in flawless Russian?PENNYNo, I haven't.HOWARDGet used to it.PENNYYeah, I probably won't. Hey, Sheldon.SHELDONHi.PENNYHey, Raj. Still not talking to me, huh?SHELDONDon't take it personally, it's his pathology. He can't talk to women.HOWARDHe can't talk to atractive women,or in your case, a cheesecake- scented goddess.LEONARDSo there's gonna be some furniture delivered?PENNYYeah, yeah. If it gets here and I'm not here tomorrow, could you just sign for it and have them put it in my apartment?LEONARDYeah, no problem.PENNYGreat, here's my spare key. Thank you.LEONARDPenny, wait.PENNYYeah?LEONARDUm... If you don't have any other plans, do you want to join us for Thai food and a Superman movie marathon?PENNYA marathon? Wow, how many Superman movies are there?SHELDONYou're kidding, right?PENNYYeah, I do like the one where Lois Lane falls from the helicopter and Superman swooshes down and catches her. Which one was that?LEONARD, SHELDON,HOWARD, RAJESHOne.SHELDONYou realize that scene was rifewith scientific inaccuracy.PENNYYes, I know, men can't fly.SHELDONNo, no. Let's assume that they can. Ahem. Lois Lane is falling. Accelerating at an initial rate of 32 feet per second per second. Superman swoops down to save her by reaching out two arms of steel. Miss Lane, who is now traveling at approximately 120 miles an hour, hits them and is immediately sliced into three equal pieces.LEONARDUnless Superman matches her speed and decelerates.SHELDONIn what space, sir? In what space? She's 2 feet above the ground. Yeah, frankly, if he really loved her, he'd let her hit the pavement. It'd be a more merciful death.LEONARDExcuse me, your entire argument is predicated on the assumption that Superman's flight is a feat of strength.SHELDONAre you listening to yourself? Itis well established that Superman's flight is a feat of strength. It is an extension of his ability to leap tall buildings, an ability he derives from exposure to Earth's yellow sun.HOWARDYeah and you don't have a problem with that? How does he fly at night?SHELDONOh. A combination of the moon's solar reflection and the energy-storage capacity of Kryptonian skin cells.PENNYI'm just gonna go wash up.LEONARDI have 2600 comic books in there. I challenge you to find a single reference to Kryptonian skin cells.SHELDONChallenge accepted. We're locked out.RAJESHAlso, the pretty girl left.============================================ THEME SONG ===========================================LEONARDOkay. Her apartment's on the fourth floor, but the elevator's broken, so you're gonna have to... Oh,your're just gonna be done? Okay, cool, thanks. I guess we'll just bring it up ourselves.SHELDONI hardly think so.LEONARDWhy not?SHELDONWell, we don't have a dolly orlifting belts or any measurable upper-body strength.LEONARDWe don't need strength. We're physicists. We are the intellectual descendants of Archimedes. Give me a fulcrum and a lever and I can move the Earth. It's just a matter... I don't have this. Idon't have this! I don't have this.SHELDONArchimedes would be so proud.LEONARDDo you have any ideas?SHELDONYes, but they all involve a Green Lantern and a power ring.LEONARDEasy.SHELDONEasy.LEONARDOkay. Now we've got an inclined plane. The force required to liftis reduced by the sine of the angle of the stairs, call it 30 degrees, so, about half.SHELDONExactly half.LEONARDExactly half. Let's push. Okay. See, it's moving. This is easy.It's all in the math.SHELDONWhat's your formula for the corner?LEONARDWhat? Oh, okay. Ah. Okay, yeah, no problem. Just come up here, help me pull and turn.SHELDONAh, gravity, thou art a heartless bitch. You do understand that our efforts here will in no wayincrease the odds of you having sexual congress with this woman.LEONARDMen do things for women without expecting sex.SHELDONYeah, those would be men who just had sex.LEONARDI'm doing this to be a good neighbor. In any case, there's no way it could lower the odds. Almost there. Almost there. Almost there.SHELDONNo, we're not.LEONARDI'm sorry.SHELDONNo, we're not! No, we're not! Watch your fingers. Watch your fingers.LEONARDYeah.SHELDONOh God, my fingers!LEONARDYou okay?SHELDONNo, it hurt... Great Caesar's ghost, look at this place.LEONARDSo Penny is a little messy.SHELDONA little messy? The Mandelbrot set of complex numbers is a little messy. This is chaos. Excuse me. Explain to me an organizational system where a tray of flatware on a couch is valid. I'm justinferring this is a couch because the evidence suggests the coffee table is having a tiny garage sale.LEONARDDid it ever occur to you that not everyone has the compulsive need to sort, organize and label the entire world around them?SHELDONNo.LEONARDWell, they don't. Hard as it may be for you to believe, most peopledon't sort their breakfast cereal numerically by fiber content.SHELDONExcuse me, but I think we've both found that helpful at times.LEONARDCome on, we should go.SHELDONHang on.LEONARDWhat are you doing?SHELDONI'm straightening up.LEONARDSheldon, this is not your home.SHELDONThis is not anyone's home. This is a swirling vortex of entropy.LEONARDWhen the transvestite lived here, you didn't care how he kept the place.SHELDONBecause it was immaculate. I mean, you opened that man's closet, it was left to right, evening gowns,cocktail dresses, then his police uniforms.LEONARDWhat were you doing in his closet?SHELDONI helped him run some cable for a webcam.PENNYHey, guys.LEONARDOh, hey, Penny. This just arrived. We just brought this up. Just now.PENNYGreat. Oh, was it hard getting it up the stairs?LEONARDNo.SHELDONNo?LEONARDNo.SHELDONNo.LEONARDWell, we'll get out of your hair.PENNYOkay, great. Thank you again.SHELDONPenny. Ahem. I just want you to know that you don't have to live like this. I'm here for you.PENNYWhat's he talking about?LEONARDIt's a joke.PENNYI don't get it.LEONARDYeah, he didn't tell it right. Sheldon? Sheldon?? Hello? Sheldon!SHELDONShh! Penny's sleeping.LEONARDAre you insane? You can't just break into a woman's apartment in the middle of the night and clean.SHELDONI had no choice. I couldn't sleep knowing that just outside my bedroom was our living room, and just outside our living room was that hallway, and immediately adjacent to the hallway was... this.LEONARDDo you realize that if Penny wakes up, there is no reasonable explanation as to why we're here.SHELDONI just gave you a reasonable explanation.LEONARDNo, no. You gave me an explanation. Its reasonableness will be determined by a jury of your peers.SHELDONDon't be ridiculous. I have no peers.LEONARDSheldon, we have to get out of here.SHELDONYou might want to speak in a lower register.LEONARDWhat?SHELDONEvolution has made women sensitive to high-pitched noises while they sleep so that they'll be roused by a crying baby. If you want to avoid waking her, speak in a lower register.LEONARDThat's ridiculous!SHELDONNo, that's ridiculous.LEONARDFine. I accept your premise. Now, please, let's go.SHELDONI'm not leaving until I'm done.LEONARDOh, no.SHELDONIf you have time to lean, you have time to clean.LEONARDOh, what the hell.SHELDONGood morning.LEONARDMorning.SHELDONI have to say I slept splendidly. Granted not long, but just deeply and well.LEONARDI'm not surprised. A well-knownfolk cure for insomnia is to break in your neighbor's apartment and clean.SHELDONSarcasm?LEONARDYou think?SHELDONGranted, my methods may have been somewhat unorthodox, but I thinkthe end result will be a measurable enhancement to Penny's quality of life.LEONARDYou know what, you convinced me. Maybe tonight we should sneak in and shampoo her carpet.SHELDONYou don't think that crosses a line?LEONARDYes. For God's sake, Sheldon, do I have to hold up a sarcasm sign every time I open my mouth?SHELDONYou have a sarcasm sign?LEONARDNo, I do not have a sarcasm sign.SHELDONYou want some cereal? I feel so good today, I'm gonna choose from the low-fiber end of the shelf. Hello, …Honey Puffs“.PENNYSon of a bitch!LEONARDPenny's up.PENNYYou sick, geeky bastards!LEONARDHow did she know it was us?SHELDONI may have left a suggested organizational schematic for her bedroom closet.PENNYLeonard?LEONARDGod, this is gonna be bad.SHELDONGoodbye, ...Honey Puffs“. Hello, (i)Bran“.PENNYYou came into my apartment last night while I was sleeping?LEONARDYes, but only to clean.SHELDONReally more to organize. You're not actually dirty, per se.PENNYGive me back my key.LEONARDI'm very, very sorry.PENNYDo you understand how creepy this is?LEONARDOh. Yes, we discussed it at length last night.PENNYIn my apartment? While I was sleeping?SHELDONAnd snoring. And that's probably just a sinus infection. But itcould be sleep apnea. You might want to see an otolaryngologist. The throat doctor.PENNYAnd what kind of doctor removes shoes from asses?SHELDONDepending on the depth, that's either a proctologist or a general surgeon. Oh.PENNYGod!LEONARDOkay, look, Penny. I think whatyou're feeling is perfectly valid and maybe a little bit later today when you're feeling a little less, for lack of a better word,violated, maybe we can talk about this some more.PENNYStay away from me.LEONARDSure, that's another way to go.SHELDONPenny, Penny, hold on. Just to clarify, because there will be a discussion when you leave. Is your objection solely to our presence in the apartment while you were sleeping or do you also object to the imposition of a new organizational paradigm. Well, that was a little non-responsive.LEONARDYou are going to march yourself over there right now and apologize.LEONARDWhat's funny?SHELDONThat wasn't sarcasm?LEONARDNo!SHELDONWhoo. Boy, you are all over the place this morning. I have amaster's and two Ph.Ds, I shouldnot have to do this.PENNYWhat?SHELDONI am truly sorry for what happened last night. I take full responsibility. And I hope that it won't color your opinion of Leonard, who is not only awonderful guy, but also, I hear, a gentle and thorough lover. I didwhat I could.PENNYHey, Raj. Hey, listen, I don't know if you heard about what happened last night with Leonard and Sheldon, but I'm really upset about it. I mean, they just, they let themselves into my place and then they cleaned it. Can you even believe that? How weird isthat? ...RAJESHOh, she's standing very close to me. Oh, my. She does smell good. What is that? Vanilla?PENNY... You know. Where I come from, someone comes into your house at night, you shoot. Okay? And youdon't shoot to wound. I mean, all right, my sister shot her husband, but it was an accident, they were drunk. Wait, what was I saying? ...RAJESHShe's so chatty. Maybe my parents are right. Maybe I'd be better off with an Indian girl. We'd have the same cultural background and mywife could sing to my children the same lullabies my mother sang to me.PENNY... It's obvious that they meant well, but I'm just, I'm having a really rough time. Like I said, I broke up with my boyfriend and it's all freaking me out ...RAJESH[starts to sing an Indian lullaby]PENNY... I mean, just because most ofthe men I've known in my life happen to be jerks, doesn't mean I should just assume Leonard and Sheldon are. Right?RAJESHShe asked me a question. I should probably nod.PENNYThat's exactly what I thought. Thank you for listening. You're a doll.RAJESHUh-oh. Turn your pelvis.HOWARDGrab a napkin, homie. You just got served.LEONARDIt's fine. You win.HOWARDWhat's his problem?SHELDONHis imaginary girlfriend broke up with him.HOWARDBeen there.RAJESHHello. Sorry I'm late, but I was in the hallway, chatting up Penny.HOWARDReally? You? Rajesh Koothrappali, spoke to Penny?RAJESHActually, I was less the chatter than the chattee.LEONARDWhat did she say? Is she still mad at me?RAJESHWell, she was upset at first, but probably because her sister shot somebody. But then there was something about you and then she hugged me.HOWARDShe hugged you? How'd she hug you? Is that her perfume I smell?RAJESHIntoxicating, isn't it?PENNYHi.LEONARDOh.PENNYWhat's going on?LEONARDUh. Here's the thing: …Penny, just as Oppenheimer came to regret his contributions to the first atomic bomb, so too I regret myparticipation in what was, at the very least, an error in judgment.The hallmark of the great human experiment is the willingness to recognize one's mistakes. Some mistakes, such as Madam Curie's discovery of radium, turned out to have great scientific potential, even though she would later die a slow, painful death from radiation poisoning. Another example, fromthe field of Ebola research...“PENNYLeonard.LEONARDYeah?PENNYWe're okay.LEONARDSix two-inch dowels?SHELDONCheck.LEONARDOne package Philips head screws?SHELDONCheck.PENNYYou guys, seriously, I grew up on a farm, okay? I rebuilt a tractor engine when I was, like, 12. Ithink I can put together a cheap, swedish media center.LEONARDNo. Please, we insist. It's the least we can do, considering...SHELDONConsidering what? How great this place looks?HOWARDOh, boy, I was afraid of this.LEONARDWhat?HOWARDThese instructions are apictographic representation of the least imaginative way to assemble these components. This, right here is why Sweden has no space program.PENNYWell, it looked pretty good in the store.LEONARDIt is an inefficient design. For example, Penny has a flat screen TV, which means all the space behind it is wasted.SHELDONWe could put her stereo back there.LEONARDAnd control it how?SHELDONRun an infrared repeater, photocell here, emitter here, easy-peasy.HOWARDGood point. How are you gonna cool it?Hey guys, I got this.SHELDONHang on, Penny. How about fans? Here and here.LEONARDAlso inefficient, and might be loud.HOWARDHow about liquid coolant? Maybe a little aquarium pump here, run some quarter-inch PVC...PENNYGuys, this is actually really simple.HOWARDHold on, honey, men at work. PVC comes down here. Maybe a little corrugated sheet metal as aradiator here.LEONARDOh, really? Show me where we put a drip tray, a sluice and an overflow reservoir?SHELDONAnd if water's involved, we're gonna have to ground the crap outof the thing.PENNYGuys, it's hot in here. I thinkI'll just take off all my clothes.LEONARDOh, I've got it. What about if we replace panels A, B and F and crossbar H with aircraft-grade aluminum?SHELDONRight, then the entire thing will be one heat sink.HOWARDPerfect. Leonard, why don't you and Sheldon go to the junkyard and pick up 6 square meters of scrap aluminum? Raj and I'll run down to my lab and get the oxyacetylene torch.LEONARDMeet back here in an hour?HOWARDDone.LEONARDGot it.PENNYOkay, this place does look pretty good.THE END。

Raj，不要，这是个陷阱! 他们在夹击我们!
-Raj：He's got me!
我被打中了!
-Leonard：Sheldon, he's got raj. Use your sleep spell!
Sheldon，他打中Raj了，快用你的催眠咒!
Sheldon Sheldon
Sheldon Sheldon
第一季 3集: The Fuzzy Boots Corollary
-Howard：All right, just a few more feet. And...
非常好，再前进几步...
here we are, gentlemen, the gates of Elzebob.
准备好，先生们，Elzebob大门到了。
我是暗夜精灵盗贼，你们没有读过角色介绍吗
Wait, wait, wait! Somebody just clicked "buy it now.
等等! 有人点击了"立即购买"
-Howard：Ooh, I’m the sword master.
我是剑圣!
-Sheldon：Ooh, I'm all sweaty. Anybody want to log on to second life and go swimming
准备好了。
-Howard：Raj, blow the gatees.
推开大门。
Control, shift... b!
Control，Shift...B!
Oh, my god, so many goblins!
天啊，那么多地精!
-Howard：Don't just stand there, slash and move, slash and move!

The Big Bang Theory Season01 Chi-Eng ScriptThe Big Bang Theory S01E01 第一季第一集100:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,460如果一个光子打向有两个狭缝的平面So if a photon is directed through a plane200:00:02,580 --> 00:00:04,150如果有一个狭缝可以观测到with two slits in it and either slit is observed,300:00:04,150 --> 00:00:05,150那它没有同时通过两个狭缝it will not go through both slits.400:00:05,270 --> 00:00:06,450如果观测不到那它会通过If it's unobserved,it will.500:00:06,570 --> 00:00:09,010但如果它是在离开平面后However,if it's observed after it's left the plane600:00:09,100 --> 00:00:10,300在击中目标物之前被观测到But before it hits its target,700:00:10,310 --> 00:00:11,680那它不会同时通过两个狭缝it won't have gone through both slits.800:00:11,850 --> 00:00:13,860没错你想说什么Agreed. what's your point?生活大爆炸第一季中英双语对照剧本-------------------两栏省纸打印版------------------900:00:14,050 --> 00:00:17,240没什么我只是觉得这个主意放在T恤上不错There's no point,I just think it's a good idea for a t-shirt.1000:00:22,670 --> 00:00:24,340-您好 -稍等-excuse me. -hang on.1100:00:28,720 --> 00:00:30,340横1是"爱琴海"One across is "aegean."1200:00:30,460 --> 00:00:31,850竖8是"纳巴科夫"(1899-1977 俄裔美国小说家)Eight down is "nabokov."1300:00:31,980 --> 00:00:34,330横26"MCM"26 across is "mcm."1400:00:34,600 --> 00:00:36,900竖14是...你手挡住了...14 down is... move your finger...1500:00:37,780 --> 00:00:40,410是"门"(生物分类) 所以说横十四是"太子港"(海地首都)"phylum" which makes 14 across"port-au-prince"1600:00:42,050 --> 00:00:45,270你看 "Papa Doc"(海地总统绰号)提示了所以是"太子港"See,"papa doc's capitol idea," that's "port-au-prince."1700:00:46,770 --> 00:00:47,770在海地Haiti.1800:00:49,280 --> 00:00:50,870-需要帮忙吗 -是的-can I help you? -yes.1900:00:53,770 --> 00:00:57,020这里是高智商精子库吗Is this the high-iq sperm bank?2000:00:58,590 --> 00:01:01,280如果这还要问的话那你可能不该来这If you have to ask,maybe you shouldn't be here.2100:01:02,460 --> 00:01:04,030我看就是这儿了I think this is the place.2200:01:05,240 --> 00:01:06,960-把表格填了 -谢谢-fill these out. -thank you.2300:01:07,200 --> 00:01:09,020-马上就好 -不急-we'll be right back. -take your time.24 00:01:09,210 --> 00:01:11,370我正好把填字游戏做完I'll just finish my crossword puzzle.2500:01:12,670 --> 00:01:13,950等等Oh,wait.2600:01:25,120 --> 00:01:27,160莱纳德我觉得我做不到Leonard,I don't think I can do this.2700:01:27,380 --> 00:01:29,690开什么玩笑你都是"半职业选手"了What,are you kidding? you're a semi-pro.2800:01:30,870 --> 00:01:33,200不是的我们这是在犯基因欺诈罪No. we are committing genetic fraud.2900:01:33,380 --> 00:01:35,080我们的精子并不能保证There's no guarantee that our sperm3000:01:35,110 --> 00:01:36,790将来就能生出高智商的后代is going to generate high-iqOffspring.3100:01:36,800 --> 00:01:39,560你想想我姐姐和我的DNA结构相同Think about that. I have a sister with the same basic dna mix3200:01:39,680 --> 00:01:41,340可她只是快餐店的女服务生Who hostesses at fuddruckers.3300:01:42,580 --> 00:01:44,420谢尔顿当初是你要来的Sheldon,this was your idea.3400:01:44,670 --> 00:01:45,790这点补贴能让我们A little extra money to get3500:01:45,800 --> 00:01:48,180在寓所里拥有分式T-1带宽fractional t-1 bandwidth in the apartment.3600:01:48,240 --> 00:01:50,940我知道我的确渴望更快的下载速度I know,and I do yearn for faster downloads.3700:01:51,940 --> 00:01:53,070但那些可怜的女人们But there's some poor woman3800:01:53,110 --> 00:01:55,250会把希望寄托在我精子上的who's gonna pin her hopes on my sperm.3900:01:55,290 --> 00:01:57,900如果她最后发现那小不点连曲线下面积What if she winds up with a toddler who doesn't know if he should use4000:01:58,030 --> 00:02:01,470该用积分还是微分算都不知道她会怎么想An integral or a differential to solve the area under a curve? 4100:02:02,360 --> 00:02:04,960-我肯定她还是会爱他的 -我不会-i'm sure she'll still love him. -i wouldn't.4200:02:07,140 --> 00:02:08,630你现在想怎么样Well,what do you want to do?4300:02:08,750 --> 00:02:09,750我想走了I want to leave.4400:02:11,550 --> 00:02:12,890该怎么跟她说呢What's the protocol for leaving?4500:02:13,240 --> 00:02:16,480我不知道...我以前从来没在捐献精子时中途走人过I don't know... I've never reneged on a proffer of sperm before.4600:02:18,020 --> 00:02:19,470我们就直接走吧Let's try just walking out.4700:02:31,630 --> 00:02:33,850-再见 -再见很高兴见到你-bye. -bye. nice meeting you.4800:02:36,820 --> 00:02:38,550你还在为那个精子库的事生气吗Are you still mad about the sperm bank?4900:02:38,660 --> 00:02:39,180没有No.5000:02:40,940 --> 00:02:43,850你想不想听有关楼梯的有趣事情You want to hear an interesting thing about stairs?5100:02:44,320 --> 00:02:45,370不太想Not really.5200:02:46,090 --> 00:02:48,950如果有一格阶梯的高度存在哪怕两毫米的微小差距If the height of a single step is off by as little as two millimeters,5300:02:49,090 --> 00:02:51,410-大多数人会被绊倒 -跟我无关-most people will trip. -i don't care.5400:02:53,300 --> 00:02:55,090两毫...那不太可能吧Two milli... that doesn't seem right.5500:02:55,210 --> 00:02:57,630不是真的我12岁时做过一系列试验No,it's true,I did a series of experiments when I was 125600:02:57,750 --> 00:02:59,280我爸爸还摔断了锁骨My father broke his clavicle.5700:03:00,680 --> 00:03:02,550 你就是因为这个被他们送去寄宿学校的? Is that why they sent you to boarding school?5800:03:02,680 --> 00:03:05,350不是是因为我那些关于激光的试验No. that was a result of my work with lasers.5900:03:11,360 --> 00:03:12,390这是新邻居?New neighbor?6000:03:12,610 --> 00:03:13,610很明显Evidently.6100:03:14,060 --> 00:03:16,680比起上一个的水准真是有显著提高Significant improvement over the old neighbor.6200:03:17,760 --> 00:03:19,870那个体重200磅有皮肤问题的异装癖者? 200-pound transvestite with a skin condition?6300:03:19,990 --> 00:03:20,990那是没错Yes,she is.6400:03:23,470 --> 00:03:25,370-你好 -你好-oh,hi. -hi.6500:03:30,260 --> 00:03:32,470我们不想打搅你我们就住你对面We don't mean to interrupt. we live across the hall.6600:03:32,710 --> 00:03:34,390你们真好啊Oh,that's nice.6700:03:35,450 --> 00:03:37,390我们不是住在一起我是说...We don't live together. I mean...6800:03:38,090 --> 00:03:39,190我们是住在一起We live together,6900:03:39,310 --> 00:03:42,290不过是在分开的异性恋的卧室里But in separate,heterosexual bedrooms.7000:03:43,720 --> 00:03:44,720好的Okay,well...7100:03:44,910 --> 00:03:46,780看来你们就是我的新邻居了我叫佩妮Guess I'm your new neighbor. penny.7200:03:47,190 --> 00:03:48,830-我是莱纳德他是谢尔顿 -你好-leonard. sheldon. -hi.7300:03:53,370 --> 00:03:54,410那么...Well...7400:03:55,280 --> 00:03:56,620欢迎成为我们的邻居Welcome to the building.7500:03:57,050 --> 00:03:59,220谢谢你我们可以什么时候喝喝咖啡Thank you. maybe we can have coffee sometime.7600:03:59,340 --> 00:04:01,150很好啊Great.7700:04:04,190 --> 00:04:06,430-那...再见 -再见-well... bye. -bye.7800:04:10,410 --> 00:04:12,140我们要不要请她来吃午饭?Should we have invited her for lunch?7900:04:12,600 --> 00:04:15,210不我们要开始看太空堡垒卡拉狄加第二季No.We're gonna start season two of battlestar galactica.8000:04:15,840 --> 00:04:17,820第二季的DVD我们已经看过了We already watched the season two dvds.8100:04:17,940 --> 00:04:19,120但评论音轨还没看Not with commentary.8200:04:21,800 --> 00:04:23,750我觉得我们应该做个好邻居I think we should be good neighbors8300:04:23,870 --> 00:04:25,760请她作客让她觉得亲切And invite her over,make her feel welcome.8400:04:26,270 --> 00:04:28,940我们从没请过那个叫路易还是叫路易斯的过来We never invited louie-slash-louise over.8500:04:30,150 --> 00:04:31,790那是我们的不对And that was wrong of us.8600:04:31,920 --> 00:04:33,360我们得扩大下我们的朋友圈子We need to widen our circle.8700:04:33,770 --> 00:04:35,900我的朋友圈子已经很大了I have a very wide circle.8800:04:36,800 --> 00:04:38,830我的空间上有212个好友I have 212 friends on myspace.8900:04:40,800 --> 00:04:42,960不错可他们你一个也没见过Yes,and you've never met one of them.9000:04:43,710 --> 00:04:45,060这正是其美妙之处That's the beauty of it.9100:04:47,470 --> 00:04:49,070 我要请她过来I'm gonna invite her over.9200:04:49,570 --> 00:04:52,140我们可以好好吃一顿然后...聊天We'll have a nice meal and... chat.9300:04:52,350 --> 00:04:55,100聊天? 我们平时不聊天至少下了网不聊Chat? we don't chat. at least not offline.9400:04:57,480 --> 00:04:58,810这没什么难的It's not difficult.9500:04:58,930 --> 00:05:00,450你只要听着她讲些什么You just listen to what she says9600:05:00,570 --> 00:05:03,390然后你适当地回应她一些And then you say something appropriate in response.9700:05:04,790 --> 00:05:05,790那最后要干什么?To what end?9800:05:07,770 --> 00:05:09,370你好...又来了Hi... again.9900:05:09,490 --> 00:05:11,370你好Hi.10000:05:12,650 --> 00:05:13,670那个...Anyway...10100:05:14,250 --> 00:05:15,770我们带了印度菜回来We brought home indian food.10200:05:16,790 --> 00:05:17,790然后...And...10300:05:18,310 --> 00:05:20,480我知道搬家可能会很累I know that moving can be stressful,10400:05:20,610 --> 00:05:22,780并且我发现当我身心俱疲时And I find that when I'm undergoing stress,10500:05:22,910 --> 00:05:26,060美食和伙伴能让我感觉很舒坦That good food and company can have a comforting effect.10600:05:27,280 --> 00:05:30,430还有咖喱本身有通便功效我想我不必再说Also,curry is a natural laxative,and I don't have to tell you10700:05:30,550 --> 00:05:33,180你知道如果大肠通畅...That,you know,a clean colon is just...108 00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:35,290那又可以少一件操心事了One less thing to worry about.10900:05:37,080 --> 00:05:39,900这方面我不在行不过我相信如果是邀请别人吃午餐I'm no expert,but I believe in the context of a luncheon invitation,11000:05:40,030 --> 00:05:42,480你最好不要说些肠运动的事You might want to skip the reference to bowel movements.11100:05:43,100 --> 00:05:44,850你们是在邀请我过去吃饭?You're inviting me over to eat?11200:05:45,930 --> 00:05:46,430是的Yes.11300:05:47,270 --> 00:05:49,230你们真好我很乐意Oh,that's so nice. I'd love to.11400:05:49,400 --> 00:05:50,400太好了Great.11500:05:50,550 --> 00:05:52,900你们平时都玩些什么So,what do you guys do for fun around here?11600:05:53,690 --> 00:05:56,320今天我们尝试过靠自慰来挣钱Today we tried masturbating for money.11700:06:25,370 --> 00:06:27,200好了就当在自己家一样Okay,make yourself at home.11800:06:27,480 --> 00:06:28,480谢谢Thank you.11900:06:28,810 --> 00:06:29,940不用谢You're very welcome.12000:06:34,280 --> 00:06:36,020这些东西看上去真深奥啊This looks like some serious stuff.12100:06:36,140 --> 00:06:39,210-莱纳德这是你写的? -不这是我的-leonard,did you do this? -actually,that's my work.12200:06:41,160 --> 00:06:43,650不错只是一些量子力学而已Yeah. well,it's just some quantum mechanics12300:06:43,770 --> 00:06:45,990边上还随便写了一点点弦理论With a little string theory doodling around the edges.12400:06:46,110 --> 00:06:47,610那部分是我开的玩笑That part there,that's just a joke. 12500:06:47,730 --> 00:06:50,600讽刺下波恩-奥本海默近似It's a spoof of the born-oppenheimer approximation.12600:06:52,020 --> 00:06:55,340这么说你就像是"美丽心灵"里那种天才一样So you're like one of those beautiful mind genius guys.12700:06:56,420 --> 00:06:57,130是吧Yeah.12800:06:59,100 --> 00:07:01,360-真让人赞叹 -我也有块板-this is really impressive. -i have a board.12900:07:01,480 --> 00:07:03,560如果你喜欢板这块是我的If you like boards,this is my board.13000:07:04,650 --> 00:07:05,910上帝啊Holy smokes.13100:07:06,030 --> 00:07:07,490如果你说"上帝啊"是想If by "holy smokes",you mean13200:07:07,620 --> 00:07:09,480再一次强调说你能在任何一个麻省理工的A derivative restatement of the kind of stuff13300:07:09,630 --> 00:07:12,660男生寝室墙上发现那些涂鸦那一点没错You can find scribbled on the wall of any men's room at mit,sure.13400:07:13,570 --> 00:07:14,880-什么? -得了吧-what? -come on.13500:07:15,000 --> 00:07:18,610谁没看到那微分上面写着"我打住了心碎了算不下去了"Who hasn't seen this differential below "here I sit,broken-hearted"?13600:07:19,000 --> 00:07:21,530至少我不会为了解决个数学问题At least I didn't have to invent 26 dimensions13700:07:21,650 --> 00:07:22,920去发明个什么26维出来Just to make the math come out.13800:07:23,050 --> 00:07:24,500我没有创造发明他们本来就有I didn't invent them. they're there.13900:07:24,620 --> 00:07:27,740-哪个宇宙有? -所有的都有...这就是我说的关键-in what universe? -in all of them... that is the point.14000:07:28,770 --> 00:07:30,180你们介意我先开吃吗Do you guys mind if I start? 14100:07:30,780 --> 00:07:31,780佩妮...Penny...14200:07:32,640 --> 00:07:33,910这是我的座位That's where l sit.14300:07:35,910 --> 00:07:37,080那你坐我旁边So,sit next to me.14400:07:38,900 --> 00:07:40,320不...我坐那里的No... I sit there.14500:07:41,970 --> 00:07:42,980有什么区别What's the difference?14600:07:43,120 --> 00:07:45,180-什么区别? -开始了-what's the difference? -here we go.14700:07:45,980 --> 00:07:48,290在冬天这个位子离暖气比较近所以比较暖和In the winter,that seat is close enough to the radiator14800:07:48,410 --> 00:07:51,260但也不至于太近以至于引起出汗To remain warm,and yet not so close as to cause perspiration14900:07:51,410 --> 00:07:53,770在夏天通过窗子吹进来的风直接在这里交叉In the summer,it's directly in the path of a cross-breeze15000:07:53,920 --> 00:07:55,840就是这边和那边的窗户Created by opening windows there and there.15100:07:56,000 --> 00:07:57,580看电视正好有个角度It faces the television at an angle15200:07:57,700 --> 00:08:00,140不会太正从而影响跟别人说话That is neither direct,thus discouraging conversation,15300:08:00,300 --> 00:08:02,710也不会太斜从而造成脖子酸疼Nor so far wide as to create a parallax distortion.15400:08:02,830 --> 00:08:06,040我还能继续不过我觉得你已经明白我的意思了I could go on,but I think I've made my point.15500:08:09,310 --> 00:08:10,600你想让我移开吗Do you want me to move?15600:08:10,730 --> 00:08:12,630你就随便坐一下吧-well... -just sit somewhere else. 15700:08:14,910 --> 00:08:15,910好的Fine.15800:08:34,130 --> 00:08:35,200谢尔顿坐下!Sheldon,sit!15900:08:40,830 --> 00:08:42,150这样很好啊Well,this is nice.16000:08:42,360 --> 00:08:43,950不太有人来我们这里作客的We don't have a lot of company over.16100:08:44,070 --> 00:08:46,790不是吧库萨帕里和沃尔维茨就经常过来That's not true. koothrappali and wolowitz come over all the time.16200:08:46,910 --> 00:08:48,300-是我知道但... -星期二晚上-yes i know,but... -tuesday night,16300:08:48,430 --> 00:08:50,260我们还玩"克林贡拼字游戏"玩到凌晨一点(克林贡是外星人)We played klingon boggle till 1:00 a.m.16400:08:50,280 --> 00:08:51,290是我记得Yeah,I remember.16500:08:51,420 --> 00:08:53,250-不要说我们没有伙伴 -对不起-don't say we don't have company. -sorry.16600:08:53,370 --> 00:08:56,280-这是社交上很消极的暗示 -我说对不起了-that has negative social implications. -i said I'm sorry!16700:08:58,710 --> 00:09:00,190"克林贡拼字游戏"?Klingon boggle?16800:09:00,320 --> 00:09:02,640是的就是普通的拼字游戏只不过... Yeah. it's like regular boggle,but...16900:09:02,790 --> 00:09:03,920是用克林贡语言In klingon.17000:09:07,340 --> 00:09:10,240关于我们已经说得够多了说说你吧That's probably enough about us. so,tell us about you.17100:09:11,140 --> 00:09:12,360我? 好吧Me? okay.17200:09:12,850 --> 00:09:14,190我是射手座的I'm a sagittarius,17300:09:14,320 --> 00:09:16,630就这一点你们很可能就了解得比我想说的多得多了Which probably tells you way more than you need to know.17400:09:16,770 --> 00:09:19,920没错我们可以了解到你有群众性文化妄想Yes. it tells us that you participate in the mass cultural delusion17500:09:20,050 --> 00:09:21,330就是指你出生时That the sun's apparent position17600:09:21,450 --> 00:09:24,390相对于任意确定星座的太阳的视位置Relative to arbitrarily defined constellations at the time of your birth17700:09:24,510 --> 00:09:26,330可能会决定你的性格Somehow affects your personality.17800:09:29,080 --> 00:09:30,430有什么来着?Participate in the what?17900:09:30,930 --> 00:09:32,820我认为谢尔顿是想说I think what sheldon's trying to say18000:09:32,940 --> 00:09:35,840我们可能不会第一个猜你是"射手座"的Is that sagittarius wouldn't have been our first guess.18100:09:36,310 --> 00:09:38,490是很多人会以为我是水相星座的Yeah,a lot of people think I'm a water sign.18200:09:39,260 --> 00:09:41,070还有什么让我想想Okay,let's see,what else.18300:09:41,200 --> 00:09:43,230我是素食者但我吃鱼I'm a vegetarian. except for fish.18400:09:43,350 --> 00:09:45,400偶尔吃牛排牛排真赞!And the occasional steak. I love steak!18500:09:48,050 --> 00:09:49,130真有趣Well,that's interesting.18600:09:49,460 --> 00:09:51,480莱纳德吃玉米会不消化Leonard can't process corn.18700:09:55,560 --> 00:09:57,820你有什么工作吗Well... do you have some sort of a job?18800:09:58,870 --> 00:10:01,010有我是家乳酪蛋糕店的服务生Yeah. I'm a waitress at the cheesecake factory.18900:10:01,600 --> 00:10:02,870我很喜欢乳酪蛋糕I love cheesecake. 19000:10:02,990 --> 00:10:04,050你不是不能吃乳糖嘛You're lactose-intolerant.19100:10:04,170 --> 00:10:06,610我是不吃...我只是觉得那东西不错I don't eat it... I just think it's a good idea.19200:10:07,770 --> 00:10:10,050还有我正在写一个剧本Anyways,I'm also writing a screenplay.19300:10:10,170 --> 00:10:13,250讲一个多愁善感的女生从内布拉斯加州的林肯来到了洛杉矶It's about this sensitive girl who comes to l.a. from lincoln,nebraska,19400:10:13,370 --> 00:10:16,890她本想当名演员最终却在乳酪蛋糕店当了服务生To be an actress and winds up a waitress at the cheesecake factory.19500:10:18,520 --> 00:10:20,280看来这是根据你的经历写的So,it's based on your life.19600:10:20,470 --> 00:10:21,560不我是来自奥马哈No,I'm from omaha.19700:10:25,810 --> 00:10:27,870如果真拍成了电影我会去看的If that was movie,I would go see it.19800:10:27,990 --> 00:10:29,030我就说是不错吧?I know,right?19900:10:29,510 --> 00:10:31,330让我想想还有什么...Okay,let's see,what else...20000:10:32,690 --> 00:10:34,400大概就这些了Guess that's about it.20100:10:34,960 --> 00:10:36,410这就是佩妮的故事了That's the story of penny.20200:10:37,580 --> 00:10:39,100真不错It sounds wonderful.20300:10:40,470 --> 00:10:41,470是不错It was.20400:10:42,090 --> 00:10:44,560直到我爱上了那混蛋!Until I fell in love with a jerk!20500:10:48,350 --> 00:10:49,390怎么回事?What's happening?20600:10:52,390 --> 00:10:54,700上帝你知道吗我和他同居了4年God,you know,4 years I lived with him. 20700:10:54,820 --> 00:10:57,770整整4年...都跟高中生涯一样长了4 years... that's like as long as high school.20800:10:57,890 --> 00:10:59,900你花了4年才读完高中?It took you 4 years to get through high school?20900:11:02,590 --> 00:11:05,390真...不敢相信我竟然那么信任他It just... I can't believe I trusted him.21000:11:10,340 --> 00:11:12,950我该说些什么吗? 我感觉我该说些什么Should I say something? I feel like I should say something.21100:11:13,070 --> 00:11:14,770你? 算了你只会越帮越忙You? no,you'll only make it worse.21200:11:14,920 --> 00:11:17,040你们想知道最悲哀的是什么吗You want to know the most pathetic part?21300:11:17,210 --> 00:11:20,210即使我已经恨透了他的谎言他的不忠Even though I hate his lying,cheating guts...21400:11:20,930 --> 00:11:22,470我还是爱他I still love him.21500:11:23,490 --> 00:11:24,490我是不是疯了?Is that crazy?21600:11:24,740 --> 00:11:25,290是疯了Yes.21700:11:28,060 --> 00:11:30,470不不是的这只是...No,it's not crazy. it's a...21800:11:31,430 --> 00:11:32,920只是一种悖论It's a paradox.21900:11:33,170 --> 00:11:36,670自然界中到处都存在着悖论比如说光Paradoxes are part of nature. think about light.22000:11:36,790 --> 00:11:39,270按照惠更斯的理论光是一种波If you look at huygens,light is a wave,22100:11:39,390 --> 00:11:41,230双缝实验证明了这一观点As confirmed by the double-slit experiments,22200:11:41,350 --> 00:11:43,650不过后来有了爱因斯坦But then along comes albert einstein22300:11:43,770 --> 00:11:47,020他发现光原来也具有粒子性And discovers that light behaves like particles,too.22400:11:49,610 --> 00:11:51,270我至少没越帮倒忙Well,I didn't make it worse.22500:11:53,640 --> 00:11:55,690我真的很抱歉我真是一团糟I'm so sorry. I'm such a mess.22600:11:56,120 --> 00:11:58,250最糟的是我搬家都搬得恶心死了On top of everything else,I'm all gross from moving22700:11:58,370 --> 00:11:59,960没想到该死的淋浴器还不能用了And my stupid shower doesn't even work.22800:12:00,080 --> 00:12:01,140我们的可以用啊Our shower works.22900:12:02,990 --> 00:12:04,940真的? 如果我在这里洗你们会不会介意? Really? would it be totally weird if I used it?23000:12:05,060 --> 00:12:06,290-会 -不会-yes. -no.23100:12:06,410 --> 00:12:07,410-不会 -不会-no. -no.23200:12:09,260 --> 00:12:10,630就在那边It's right down the hall.23300:12:10,910 --> 00:12:11,910谢谢Thanks.23400:12:12,170 --> 00:12:13,610你们真是太好了You guys are really sweet.23500:12:20,320 --> 00:12:22,770这番进步有意思啊Well,this is an interesting development.23600:12:25,810 --> 00:12:26,810怎么?How so?23700:12:26,970 --> 00:12:29,120上次有个女人在我们这里轻解罗裳It has been some time since we've had a woman23800:12:29,240 --> 00:12:30,920距离现在已经很久了Take her clothes off in our apartment.23900:12:31,720 --> 00:12:33,540不见得啊记得感恩节That's not true. remember at thanksgiving,24000:12:33,680 --> 00:12:36,100我那老年痴呆的祖母上演的那段?My grandmother with alzheimer's had that episode?24100:12:38,210 --> 00:12:39,910明白了距离上次有女人Point taken. it has been some time24200:12:40,030 --> 00:12:41,870在我们这里轻解罗裳并且看了之后Since we've had a woman take her clothes off,24300:12:42,000 --> 00:12:44,320我们不想把眼睛给挖出来的已经很久了After which we didn't want to rip our eyes out.24400:12:45,710 --> 00:12:48,610其实最糟的是看她切那火鸡The worst part was watching her carve that turkey.24500:12:49,650 --> 00:12:52,510你现在究竟是要干些什么呢So what exactly are you trying to accomplish here?24600:12:53,440 --> 00:12:54,510你说什么?Excuse me?24700:12:54,780 --> 00:12:56,820那女人不会跟你上床的That woman is not going to have sex with you.24800:12:57,040 --> 00:12:59,310我没有想要跟她上床I'm not trying to have sex with her.24900:12:59,450 --> 00:13:01,440那就好这样你就不会失望了Good. then you won't be disappointed.25000:13:02,740 --> 00:13:05,030你凭什么认为她不会和我上床了What makes you think she wouldn't have sex with me?25100:13:05,150 --> 00:13:07,070我是男的她是女的I'm a male and she's a female.25200:13:07,550 --> 00:13:09,710没错但不是同一物种Yes,but not of the same species.25300:13:10,710 --> 00:13:13,050我才不跟你讨论什么假设I'm not going to engage in hypotheticals here.25400:13:13,170 --> 00:13:14,920我只想当个好邻居I'm just trying to be a good neighbor.25500:13:15,320 --> 00:13:16,400是啊Of course.25600:13:17,070 --> 00:13:19,990那也不是说如果有机会可以发展肉体关系That's not to say that if a carnal relationship were to develop,257 00:13:20,110 --> 00:13:21,660我会袖手旁观That I wouldn't participate.25800:13:24,020 --> 00:13:25,140大致是这样However briefly.25900:13:26,710 --> 00:13:29,030当她发现你的卢克·天行者(星球大战人物)无泪洗发水Do you think this possibility will be helped or hindered26000:13:29,160 --> 00:13:32,580你说这种可能性是会变大了呢还是变小了When she discovers your luke skywalkerno-more-tears shampoo?26100:13:33,840 --> 00:13:35,570那是达斯·维德(另一星战人物)牌洗发水It's darth vader shampoo.26200:13:37,230 --> 00:13:39,140卢克·天行者是护发素Luke skywalker's the conditioner.26300:13:41,740 --> 00:13:44,460-先看这个 -太强了难以置信-wait till you see this. -it'sfantastic,unbelievable.26400:13:44,580 --> 00:13:45,580看什么?See what?26500:13:46,820 --> 00:13:50,9501974年史蒂芬霍金在麻省理工的演讲It's a stephen hawking lecture from mit in 1974.26600:13:51,070 --> 00:13:52,160现在不是时候This isn't a good time.26700:13:52,280 --> 00:13:55,330那时他还不是这样毛骨悚然的电脑音It's before he became a creepy computer voice.26800:13:58,710 --> 00:14:00,650-不错可你们现在必须得走 -为什么-that's great. you guys have to go. -why?26900:14:00,770 --> 00:14:01,970现在不是时候It's just not a good time.27000:14:02,090 --> 00:14:03,680莱纳德有女士来访Leonard has a lady over.27100:14:04,300 --> 00:14:06,780是的我明白了...你祖母又回城来了? Yeah,right... your grandmother back in town?27200:14:10,060 --> 00:14:12,590不是她不是什么女士她是新来的邻居No. And she's not a lady. she's just a new neighbor.27300:14:12,870 --> 00:14:15,280 等等这里真的有位女士?Hang on,there really is a lady here?27400:14:16,480 --> 00:14:19,500你赶我们走是为了想要和她交媾?And you want us out because you're anticipating coitus?27500:14:20,000 --> 00:14:21,640我没有想要和她交媾I'm not anticipating coitus.27600:14:21,770 --> 00:14:23,060那就是说别人现在可以和她交媾?So she's available for coitus?27700:14:23,190 --> 00:14:25,560我们可不可以不要说"交媾"这个词了Can we please just stop saying "coitus"?27800:14:25,680 --> 00:14:28,460更精确的说法应该是"体外射精" Technically,that would be"coitus interruptus. "27900:14:29,170 --> 00:14:32,230是不是应该有个旋关把水从浴缸那里弄到淋浴器上Hey,is there a trick to getting it to switch from tub to shower...?28000:14:32,830 --> 00:14:34,850不好意思大家好Hi. sorry. hello.28100:14:36,960 --> 00:14:38,940很高兴认识您女士Enchant? mademoiselle.28200:14:40,850 --> 00:14:43,920我是霍华德·沃尔维茨加州工学院应用物理系学生Howard wolowitz,caltech department of applied physics.28300:14:44,050 --> 00:14:46,180我的一些研究成果你可能已经很熟悉了You may be familiar with some of my work.28400:14:46,300 --> 00:14:48,810它正在围绕着木星的最大卫星轨道运行It's currently orbiting jupiter's largest moon28500:14:48,930 --> 00:14:51,360拍摄高分辨率的数码照片Taking high-resolution digital photographs.28600:14:52,450 --> 00:14:54,760我是佩妮我在乳酪蛋糕店工作Penny. I work at the cheesecake factory.28700:14:55,350 --> 00:14:57,180我带你去弄那旋关吧I'll show you the trick with the shower.28800:14:57,710 --> 00:14:58,710"Bonne douche"Bonne douche.28900:14:59,460 --> 00:15:00,860你说什么?I'm sorry? 29000:15:01,030 --> 00:15:02,840是法语里"洗个痛快澡"的意思It's french for "good shower. "29100:15:02,960 --> 00:15:05,640是一句祝词我能用六种语言来说It's a sentiment I can express in six languages.29200:15:06,520 --> 00:15:08,230还是留着博客上说吧霍华德Save it for your blog,howard.29300:15:09,860 --> 00:15:11,230洗个痛快澡29400:15:16,330 --> 00:15:18,640好了没问题了是卡住了不好意思All right,there it goes. it sticks. I'm sorry.29500:15:18,760 --> 00:15:20,310-好的谢谢 -不用谢-okay,thanks. -you're welcome.29600:15:20,430 --> 00:15:22,470你只要站在... 好吧我...You're just gonna to step right... okay,I'll...29700:15:23,460 --> 00:15:26,110-等等莱纳德 -洗头的那些东西都是谢尔顿的-hey,leonard? -the hair products are sheldon's.29800:15:28,360 --> 00:15:29,970我能让你帮个忙吗。

第一季2集: The Big Bran Hypothesis-Howard: But does it have peanut oil? 但有花生油吧? peanut:花生-Leonard: I'm not sure.我不清楚。

Everyone keep an eye on Howard in case he starts to swell up. 你们每个人都盯着Howard，以防他突然肿胀。

keep an eye on sth.: 留心，注意in case：免得，以防swell up：肿胀-Sheldon: Since it's not bee season, you can have my epinephrine. 既然现在不是看<拼字大赛> ，你可以吃我的肾上腺素。

since: 因为，既然bee season: 美国的拼字大赛，有点像中国的超女比赛，成千上万个小朋友参加比赛，电视直播。

拼字比赛，Spell Bee，就是评委读出一个单词，选手要把它的字母拼出来，错误即遭淘汰。

用Bee这个单词生动地描绘了众人蜂拥的场景。

【Bee Season：一部美国电影，中文片名<拼字大赛>】epinephrine：肾上腺素-Howard: Are there any chopsticks？有筷子吗?chopsticks：筷子-Sheldon: Y ou don't need chopsticks. This is Thai food. 你不需要筷子，这是泰国菜。

Thai：泰国人，泰国语Thai food: 泰国菜-Leonard: Here we go.又来啦。

-Sheldon: Thailand has had the fork since the latter half of the 19th Century. 泰国自19世纪后半期起使用餐叉。

Thailand：泰国fork：餐叉since：（表示时间）从…以来Century：世纪【早期泰国人的用餐方式自由随性，只以芭蕉叶盛饭，再以手取饭菜进食。

生活大爆炸剧本《生活大爆炸》剧本，探索生活中的无限可能。

在这个充满无限可能的世界里，我们每个人都是生活大爆炸的主角。

生活就像一部精彩的剧本，每个人都有自己独特的角色和故事。

而《生活大爆炸》剧本正是我们生活中的精彩写照。

剧本的第一幕，我们看到了谢尔顿的理论物理学研究，莱纳德的天才科学家身份，霍华德的太空探索梦想，以及拉杰的天文学研究。

他们每个人都在自己的领域里努力探索，追求知识和真理。

他们的故事告诉我们，无论在何种领域，只要有热情和坚持，就能够创造出不可思议的成就。

第二幕，我们看到了彼此之间的友情和爱情。

谢尔顿和莱纳德的室友关系，霍华德和伯纳黛特的浪漫爱情，以及佩妮和莱纳德之间的跨越社会阶层的爱情。

他们的故事告诉我们，友情和爱情是生活中最珍贵的财富，它们能够给我们力量和勇气，让我们在困难时刻不至于孤独无助。

第三幕，我们看到了他们在生活中的挑战和困难。

谢尔顿的社交障碍，霍华德的母亲控制欲，以及莱纳德和佩妮之间的矛盾。

他们的故事告诉我们，生活中总会有挑战和困难，但只要我们勇敢面对，就一定能够找到解决的方法。

最后一幕，我们看到了他们在生活中的成长和收获。

谢尔顿学会了更加包容和理解他人，霍华德成为了宇航员，莱纳德和佩妮的爱情也迎来了婚姻。

他们的故事告诉我们，生活中的每一次成长和收获都是值得珍惜的，它们让我们变得更加坚强和成熟。

《生活大爆炸》剧本告诉我们，生活就像一部精彩的剧本，每个人都有自己的角色和故事。

无论在何种领域，无论遇到何种困难，我们都应该勇敢面对，努力探索生活中的无限可能。

因为只有这样，我们才能够创造出属于自己的精彩人生。

Big Bang Theory TranscriptsS3E17 – The Precious FragmentationScene: The stairwell. Leonard is carrying a large box.Leonard: Why do I always have to carry the heavy stuff?Sheldon: Well, it‟s very simple. In our ragtag band of scientists with nothing to lose, I‟m the smart one, Wolowitz is the funny one, and Koothrappali is the lovable foreigner who struggles to understand our ways and fails. That leaves you, by default, as the muscle.Leonard: One more floor, and I‟d be the pulled muscle.Penny (who is inside the apartment): Oh, it‟s about time, I‟m starving.Leonard:Uh, well, we didn‟t actually get Chinese food.Penny: Why not?Leonard:Don‟t panic, this is better.Penny:Oh, no, you didn‟t trade the food for magic beans, did you?Sheldon: Of course not. And, technically, magic beans would be food, although eating them would be quite a waste, since you could plant them and overnight have a giant beanstalk, which would provide enough roughage for a small city.Penny: Yeah, sometimes I don‟t listen, some times I just watch your jaw go up and down.Leonard: We were on our way to the Chinese restaurant when we thought we saw Adam West, so we followed him.Penny: Who‟s Adam West?Sheldon: Who‟s Adam West? Leonard, what do the two of you talk about after the c oitus?Howard:My guess is, “Hey, four minutes! New record!” That‟s why I‟m the funny one.Leonard: Anyway, we followed the guy to this garage sale, and they had the coolest stuff.Howard: They were closing up. We got this whole box for sixty bucks.Leonard:We didn‟t even get to go through it all. There could be anything in here.Penny: There a new girlfriend in there? …Cause you might need one.Leonard: No. But there is an original final draft Ghostbusters script with actual slime stains! (Raj whispers to Leonard) Oh, you‟re right, it‟s Ghostbusters 2. Never mind.Howard: Oh, my God. An Alf doll. When I was 11 my mother got me one to help me sleep after my dad left. I used to pretend that my dad had moved to the planet Melmac, and Alf was going to bring him back to me. But he never did. Where‟s my daddy, puppet? Where is he?Penny: That is so sad.Sheldon:No, what‟s sad is that you don‟t know Adam West was TV‟s Batman.Credits sequenceScene: The sameLeonard:Here‟s Spock‟s head with no body. Here‟s Mr. T‟s body with no head. Oh, yeah, here‟s Spock‟s body with Mr. T‟s head. I pity the fool who‟s illogical.Penny:Okay, I‟m just gonna go home and make a grilled cheese and window-shop on eHarmony.Leonard: Okay, bye.Penny: Okay.Leonard: Ooh, look, an Indiana Jones connect-the-dots.Raj: And an Aquaman action figure.Howard: Looks like someone drew a penis on him.Raj: H uh? That‟ll come off.Howard:You see what you‟re doing? Stop that.Sheldon: Fascinating.Leonard: What?Sheldon: It appears to be a Lord of the Rings ring.Leonard: Oh.Raj: It‟s even got the Elvish engraving on it.Sheldon: I t‟s not Elvish. It‟s the language of Mordor written in Elvish script. One Ring torule them all.Raj: One Ring to find them.Howard: One Ring to bring them all.Leonard: And in the darkness bind them.Raj: Holy crap, are we nerdy.Scene: The Cheesecake FactoryHoward: So, I was doing some checking on the ring.Raj: Hold on. Sheldon, is there ketchup on that table?Sheldon: Yes, there is. Oh, here‟s a fun fact, ketchup s tarted out as a general term for sauce, typically made of, uh, mushrooms or fish brine with herbs and spices. Some popular early main ingredients included blueberry, anchovy, oyster, kidney bean and grape.Raj: No, that‟s okay. I‟ll get it.Howard: Listen, I was looking at the ring, and it seemed a little weird. No copyright notice on it. So, I took it down to this buddy of mine who deals with, shall we say, the seedy underbelly of the collectibles world.Leonard: Seedy underbelly?Howard: You know, your black market phasers, your screen-worn Lieutenant Uhura panties, that kind of stuff. Raj:Who‟s this mysterious buddy you suddenly have?Howard: Just a guy. I know a guy.Raj: Is it Eddie Crispo?Howard: No, I can‟t tell you who it is. Stop asking.Raj: Who else could it be? It has to be Eddie Crispo.Howard: I know lots of dangerous people, okay?Raj: Name one.Howard: Eddie Crispo. Anyway, he said this isn‟t a replica. It‟s the real deal.Sheldon: If you‟re suggesting that that is the actual ring of power f orged by Sauron in Mount Doom, I look at you with an expression of exhaustion and ever so slight amusement.Leonard:He‟s not saying it‟s a magic ring. You‟re not, are you?Howard: No, but it‟s close. Look at the markings inside. Those are production marki ngs. Nine rings were made for use in the Lord of the Rings movies. Three were given to members of the cast. The rest were destroyed. Except one. One was stolen. Gentlemen, this is the one ring.Sheldon (snatching it): Mine!Leonard: No, it is not yours. We all went in on the box together.Sheldon: Well, yes, but I found it in the box, and the laws of maritime salvage clearly state that the finder of asunken treasure is the owner of the treasure.Leonard: How is this maritime salvage?Sheldon: Other than the lack of water, how is it not?Raj: Wait, wait. Sheldon, stop being crazy for a second. How much is something like this worth?Howard: Well, it‟s tough to say since it‟s hot, but on the underground market, my guy figures…Raj: Your guy Eddie Crispo?Howard: Yes. He figures ten, maybe 15 thousand.Raj: Okay, that‟s a lot of money. The wise thing to do is invest it in something practical. Like a jet ski.Howard: Why do you want a jet ski?Raj: All the wealthy and beautiful people in movies ride Jet Skis. Tha t can‟t just be a coincidence.Sheldon: We can‟t sell it. We have to keep it and love it and polish it, and only take it out occasionally when we go to the park and re-enact our favourite scenes from the movies.Howard: It‟s sad how great that sounds.Leonard: Guys, it‟s stolen. It should go back to Peter Jackson. He made the movies, it belongs to him.Howard: Fine. He can have it back as long as he promises to make me a hobbit in his next movie.Raj: There are no Jewish hobbits.Howard: Clearly, you‟ve nev er been to my house for dinner on Rosh Hashanah.Leonard: We are not blackmailing Peter J… All right, where‟s the ring?Sheldon: You mean my ring?Leonard: What are you doing?Sheldon: The ring was unguarded, it was just sitting on the table, anyone could have taken it. Proof? I did. Leonard: Give me that.Raj:Look, let‟s be reasonable. We all want to do different things with the ring, but your ideas are stupid, and I want a jet ski.Sheldon: I found it. The ring is mine. I don‟t understand why in this gro up I never get my way.Leonard: You always get your way.Sheldon: I‟ll stipulate to that if you give me the ring.Penny: Hey, guys. Enjoying your food that I actually brought you instead of promising food, but bringing you a box of random crap?Leonard: Ye ah, it‟s delicious, the sarcasm‟s a little stale, though. Hey, how about this? Until we figure out what to do with the ring, Penny holds on to it.Penny: What ring?Leonard: This ring.Sheldon: Looking for something?Leonard: Will you hold on to this for a couple of days?Penny: Why?Leonard: It‟s a prop from a movie, and we‟re kind of fighting over it.Penny: Okay, just to be clear, the first piece of jewellery my boyfriend gives me is a prop from a movie, and I don‟t even get to keep it?Howard: I f you ha d gone out with me three years ago, by now, you‟d have my great Aunt Ida‟s brooch that she smuggled out of occupied Belgium in a cat.Leonard: How am I looking now?Scene: Penny and Leonard are asleep in Leonard’s bed. Sheldon creeps in and tries to take the ring fromround Penny’s neck, but she turns over. He tries to make buzzing fly noises to get her to turn back, but she turns all the way the other way. He then uses an extender with a claw on the end to lif the ring from Penny’s chest. As he tries to remove it, she wakes up, screams, and punches him in the face.Sheldon:Ow! You hit me! I‟m bleeding!Leonard: What was that?Penny: Sheldon tried to take the ring and I punched him.Leonard: That‟s my girl.Scene: The cafeteria.Howard:So, Sheldon, how‟s it feel to get beaten up by a girl?Sheldon: It‟s not the first time. I have a twin sister whose assaults began in utero. If only I‟d had the presence of mind to reabsorb her, then I‟d have a mole with hair in it instead of a tedious yearly Christmas let ter.Raj: Gentlemen, have you come to the realization that the only reasonable course of action is to sell the ring and divide the money?Leonard: No.Raj: I was afraid of that. (Opens his laptop to reveal an Indian looking man on a webcam.) Go ahead.Man on Screen: Greetings from Mumbai. I am Raj‟s attorney, Venkatesh Koothrappali.Raj: Also my cousin.Howard: You brought a lawyer?Venkatesh: Don‟t answer that. I‟ll get straight to the point. My client‟s prepared to surrender any interest he has in the ring in exchange for two Kawasaki Jet Skis.Leonard: We‟re not giving him two Jet Skis.Venkatesh: Look, we‟re big boys, why don‟t we just cut to the chase and meet in the middle? One Kawasaki Jet Ski, done and done.Leonard: No Jet Skis.Venkatesh: All right, forget the Jet Skis.Raj: Forget the Jet Skis? That was our line in the sand! What happened to “tear them a new one?”Venkatesh: What can I say? They played hardball. We lost.Raj: You‟re useless.Venkatesh: I told you that when you hired me.Raj:I‟m si gning off now.Venkatesh: Call your mother, she worries.Howard: Okay, just so you know, if we‟re bringing in cousins who are lawyers, prepare for shock and awe. Leonard: You know what? I am ending this. Penny didn‟t want to hold the ring anymore. She gave it to me, I have it. I‟m sending it back. Where‟s the ring?Sheldon: You mean this ring? Next time be aware of your surroundings while urinating in a public men‟s room. Leonard: Give me that.Sheldon: No, it‟s mine.Raj: It‟s all of ours. (They begin to struggle over the ring.)Leonard: Okay, now, this is ridiculous!Howard: Then let go!Leonard:I‟m not letting go, you let go.Howard: I say this ring belongs to the last person who can hold on.Leonard: Fine. But can‟t we go home and start this?Raj: Sure. Let go of the ring.Leonard: All right, it starts now.Howard: You do realize there‟s a giant bug movie marathon tonight on the Syfy Channel. (They start to move away from the table while all still holding the ring.)Raj: Wait, my laptop. (They go back for it.)Scene: The stairwell. The guys are coming up the stairs, all still holding the ring.Howard:You know, there‟s a point when this becomes idiotic.Leonard:And it wasn‟t when we were driving like this?Sheldon:I would advise the three of you that resistance is futile. I have endless patience. I once spent two-and-a-half hours on hold with Hewlett-Packard customer service just to complain about their customer service. Leonard: You want to talk about endless patience? Penny made me watch all five seasons of Sex and the City. Raj: There are six seasons, dude.Leonard: Oh, crap!Raj: No, no, no, the sixth season is great. We go to Paris with Carrie and get our heart broken, and then Mr. Big shows up, we don‟t know if we can trust him again. It‟s a wild r ide.Leonard: Door. (Leonard tries to unlock the door and drops the keys.)Raj: Okay, everybody, and plie. And relevae.Penny:Whatcha doin‟?Leonard: Last one holding the ring decides its fate. I know, it sounds silly.Penny: No, no, no, no, no, no, you are my boyfriend. Nothing you do is silly to me.Leonard: Thank you.Penny:FYI, this is a bag from Victoria‟s Secret.Leonard: I‟m out.Scene: The apartment. The three guys are still holding the ring. Howard is on the phone.Howard: I‟m sorry, Ma, I have to stay late at the office.Raj: No, he‟s doesn‟t! He‟s lying to you!Howard: Will you be quiet?Raj:Well, if you want privacy let go of the ring. I‟m so glad we came to this gentile strip club! Howard, here‟s more bacon to tuck into the shiksa‟s G-string!Howard:I‟ll call you back.Raj: I think it‟s lovely you call your mommy and let her know you‟re going to be late for dinner. From what I know about these things, if a woman doesn‟t breast-feed on time, it‟s very uncomfortable for her boobies.Howard: D on‟t you talk about my mother‟s boobies!Raj: I f you‟re offended, let go of the ring and go on home to your mother‟s boobies.Sheldon:Excellent, excellent. Tire each other out, the ring will be mine. Howard, why don‟t you go after Raj‟s mother?Raj: Why d on‟t we go after your mother?Sheldon:Go ahead. I have no illusions about my mother. She is a kind, loving, religiously fanatical right-wing Texan with a slightly out-of-scale head and a mild Dr. Pepper addiction. Anything you‟d like to add?Howard: That‟s not gonna Better pull out the big gun.Raj: You‟re right. Let‟s talk about your grandmother.Sheldon: No! I call no Meemaws.Raj: Think about this. The only way your mother was born was your Meemaw had sex.Sheldon: I don‟t want to hear this.Howard: Then let go of the ring and walk away.Sheldon: Never.Howard:All right. I‟ll bet your Meemaw didn‟t just have sex to have your mother. I bet she had sex because she liked it.Sheldon: Stop it!Raj: Yeah, Meemaw did the nasty.Sheldon: I said stop it!Howard: We‟re getting to him.Sheldon: Waterfalls!Raj: What?Sheldon: Waterfalls. Crashing waves. Babbling brooks.Howard: What are you doing?Sheldon:Subliminal messaging. I‟m going to make you want to pee. Dripping faucets. Leaky gutter. Peeing.Raj: It‟s, it‟s not working, dude.Sheldon: Oh-ho-ho, it‟s working all right. I have to pee.Raj: T hen let go of the ring and go.Howard: No, actually, I wouldn‟t mind going, too.Raj: Fine. Um, on the count of three. One, two…Sheldon: Wait, just to clarify. When you get to three, do we stand up or do we pee?Howard: We stand up.Sheldon: Excellent choice.Raj: Three.Howard: Something tells me this was a bad day to wear suede shoes.Scene: Sometime later. The guys are on the settee. Howard is seen asleep, he is not holding the ring. The camera pans along to where Sheldon and Raj still hold the ring. Raj, also asleep, lets go and cuddles up to Howard.Sheldon: I‟ve done it! I‟ve won! The ring is mine! It‟s mine! (He runs to the bathroom) We‟re going to clean it up an d make it pretty. My own. My love. My precious. (He looks in the mirror and has turned into golem. He screams and wakes up, still on the settee.) Where‟s the ring?Leonard:It‟s in a FedEx box on its way back to where it came from.Raj: T he fires of Mount Doom?Leonard: Peter Jackson‟s office in New Zealand. It wasn‟t ours.Howard: You quit the game! You had no right to take it.Leonard: I came in here, you guys were all sleeping. The ring was on the floor. No one was touching it.Raj: Well, so then we star t the game over until there‟s a winner.Leonard: There wasn‟t ever going to be a winner. There was going to be a selfish, petty person with a ring and three people who used to be his friend. Is that really what you guys want? …Cause if it is, fine, I don‟t want anything to do with you. And I don‟t know what happened in that bathroom, but I am not cleaning it up! (Goes to his bedroom. Takes a box from under his bed. Takes out the ring.) My precious.Scene: Leonard and Penny are asleep in Leonard’s bed. The extender and claw reaches across and pullsdown the sheet revealing the ring on a chain round Leonard’s neck.Sheldon: I knew it. Give us the precious!Leonard: NEVER!(They begin to struggle, both shouting “give it”, “give it to me” and “it’s mine” at var ious intervals. Penny gets out of the bed and heads out the door.)Penny: U gh, gotta go back to dating dumb guys from the gym.。

Series 4 Episode 03 – The Zazzy SubstitutionScene: The apartment.Sheldon: All right, I’m ready for my next question.Amy: In a world where rhinoceroses are domesticated pets, who wins the Second World War?Sheldon: Uganda.Amy: Defend.Sheldon: Kenya rises to power on the export of rhinoceroses. A Central African power block is formed, colonizing North Africa and Europe. When war breaks out, no one can afford the luxury of a rhino. Kenya withers, Uganda triumphs.Amy: Correct. My turn.Sheldon: In a world where a piano is a weapon, not a musical instrument, on what does Scott Joplin play The Maple Leaf Rag?Amy: Tuned bayonets.Sheldon: Defend.Amy: Isn’t it obvious?Sheldon: You’re right. My apologies.Leonard: What the hell are you guys playing?Sheldon: It’s a game we invented. It’s called Counterfactuals.Amy: We postulate an alternate world that differs from ours in one key aspect and then pose questions to each other.Sheldon: It’s fun for ages eight to eighty. Join us.Leonard: All right. I like a good brainteaser. Give it a whirl.Sheldon: You’re in luck, this is an easy one. In a world where mankind is ruled by a giant intelligent beaver, what food is no longer consumed?Leonard: Uh, a BLT where the B stands for beaver? I don’t know.Sheldon: Leona rd, be serious. We’re playing a game here.Leonard: I can figure this out, let’s see. Um, well, beavers eat tree bark. The only tree bark I know that humans consume is cinnamon. So, I’ll say cinnamon.Sheldon: Incorrect. Obviously, the answer is cheese Danish.Leonard: What?Amy: In a world ruled by a giant beaver, mankind builds many dams to please the beaver overlord. The low-lying city of Copenhagen is flooded. Thousands die. Devastated, the Danes never invent their namesake pastry. How does one miss that?Leonard: This is ridiculous. You’re just making stuff up.Amy: Is he always like this when he loses?Sheldon: Oh, yes. You should’ve been here for the great Jenga tantrum of 2008.Leonard: You bumped the table and you know it.Amy: Perhaps it would be k inder to play a game more suited to his abilities. We’ll close our eyes and count to ten while you hide.Leonard: I’m going to my room.Amy: Very good, Leonard. But next time, don’t tell us where you’re hiding.Credits sequence.Scene: The Cheesecake FactoryLeonard: Did you guys see the paper in The American Physics Journal on supersolids? It’s pretty interesting. This guy’s working from a hypothesis where…Raj: Spoiler alert! Spoiler alert.Leonard: What?Raj: Don’t ruin it for me, man. I printed out a P DF to read on the potty.Howard: On the potty? What are you, five?Raj: It’s a potty. What do you call it?Howard: Toilet.Raj: That’s a little vulgar for the dinner table, don’t you think?Howard: Oh, and potty is okay?Raj: Potty is innocent. Potty is adorable.Howard: What do you do in the potty, wee-wee?Raj: If I don’t have to boom-boom.Sheldon: Greetings. You all remember Amy Farrah Fowler.Leonard: Sure.Howard: Nice to see you.Amy: Hello.Sheldon: Sorry we’re late.Amy: I must take responsibility. I had to stop for feminine hygiene supplies.Howard: Ah, ah.Leonard: Okay.Sheldon: I believe she’s experiencing her menses.Amy: Actually, I’m not. In order to avoid surprises, I wear them all the time.Leonard: Ah, ah.Howard: Okay. Toilet’s sounding p retty good now, huh?Penny: Hey, look, it’s Shamy.Amy: Shamy?Sheldon: A juvenile amalgamation of our names. Sheldon and Amy, Shamy.Amy: Oh. I don’t like that. Don’t do that.Penny: All righty. What’s new?Amy: Well, just recently, I learned that you re fer to us as Shamy, and I don’t like that.Penny: I got it. But what I was going for was, you know, how’s your life?Amy: Like everybody else’s. Subject to entropy, decay and eventual death. Thank you for asking. Why is she not taking our order?Sheldon: I should’ve warned you, one has to navigate a labyrinth of social nonsense before one can be fed here.Amy: Really? I assumed an establishment called the Cheesecake Factory would function more efficiently. Sheldon: It’s how they lure you in. I believe it’s called bait and switch.Penny: Okay, I’m just gonna walk away, ’cause I don’t want to be here.Leonard: So, this is nice. First time we’ve all gotten together to eat.Amy: You’re right, he’s a festival of humdrum chitchat.Leonard: Okay, that’s all I got. Howard, you’re up.Howard: Um, tell us about your work, Amy.Amy: I doubt you’d understand. Sheldon tells me you only have a master’s degree.Howard: Raj, do you have any questions for Amy?Amy: I’m curious as to why we’re not eating alone.Sheldon: They c an’t function without me. I’m the social glue that holds this little group together. You’re welcome.Scene: The stairwell.Leonard: Listen, can I talk to you about your girlfriend?Sheldon: She’s not my girlfriend. She’s a girl and she’s my friend, but there’s no touching or unsanitary exchange of saliva.Leonard: Got it.Sheldon: Although, for the record, on one occasion, she licked her thumb to remove raspberry jelly from the corner of my mouth. It’s an action we both regret to this day.Leonard: Uh-huh. Anyway, I’m not sure she’s the best fit for our little, how should we call it, rebel alliance.Sheldon: Oh, I never identified with the rebel alliance. Despite their tendency to build Death Stars, I’ve always been more of an empire man.Leonard: Yeah, not my point.Sheldon: I know what your point is. You’re intimidated by Amy’s intellect. To that I say, buck up.Leonard: Okay, let me just get right to it. Amy is judgmental, sanctimonious and frankly just obnoxious.Sheldon: So?Leonard: So we already have you for all that.Sheldon: Are you suggesting I terminate my relationship with Amy?Leonard: No, no, of course not. Just have your relationship someplace else.Sheldon: May I point out that for eight long months, I suffered in silence as your female companion filled our apartment with her off-key country music caterwauling, the unappetizing spectacle of her grinding a pumice stone against her calloused feet in our living room, and night after night of uninformative TV documentaries about the Jersey Shore.Leonard: Suffered in silence?Sheldon: Yes. And I’d thank you to do the same.Leonard: Really? Silence?Scene: Penny’s apartment.Raj: Ah. Nothing makes beer taste better than cool clear Rocky Mountain spring water. Where are the Rocky Mountains, anyway?Howard: Philadelphia.Raj: Really? I thought they were out West someplace.Howard: Think about it, Raj. Where did the movie Rocky take place?Raj: Philadelphia. Okay, now I get it.Penny: So this is the plan? From now on, we’re just gonna hide out in here to avoid the Shamy?Raj: I’m very comfortable here. Penny, dear, why don’t you shoot another silver bullet my way?Penny: Get one yourself.Raj: Ooh, somebody’s been taking bitchy pills.Penny: God, he’s an ass when he drinks.Howard: Oh, he’s an ass when he doesn’t. You just don’t hear it.Leonard: I think we need to start entertaining the possibility that the Shamy could go on for years.Raj: Well, if that’s the case, Penny will have to get satellite TV and maybe once a week run a vacuum through this place.Penny: I thought you were going to talk to Sheldon.Leonard: I did.Penny: Well, what’d he say?Leonard: Well, he pointed out that he kinda, sorta had to put up with you.Penny: Kinda, sorta had to?Leonard: I didn’t agree with him.Penny: Well, you defended me, right?Leonard: I tried, but (Penny starts rubbing her foot with a pumice stone) he made a fairly well-reasoned argument. Howard: You’re not doing that right.Penny: What?Howard: Gimme.Penny: No.Howard: Trust me.Penny: No!Howard: I do this for my mom all the time. See? With the grain.Penny: Wow, that is better.Howard: And someday, when you have varicose veins, I’ll show you how to massage them.Scene: The University Cafeteria.Raj: Oh, God, never again.Leonard: I assume by never again, you m ean never again will you drink all of Penny’s beer, then run down to the gas station for a couple of 40s, a box of Slim Jims and the latest issue of Bombay Badonkadonks.Raj: I was homesick.Howard: The highlight of the evening was when you showed us your Bollywood break dancing skills. (Does a stereotyped impersonation of Bollywood dancing.)Raj: That’s very offensive.Howard: Yeah, we all thought so.Leonard: Oh, no.Howard: What?Leonard: John and Yoko.Howard: More like Yoko and Yoko.Sheldon: Greetings.Leonard: Hey.Sheldon: I brought Amy here to show her some of the work I’m doing.Amy: It’s very impressive, for theoretical work.Sheldon: Do I detect a hint of condescension?Amy: I’m sorry, was I being too subtle? I meant compared to the real-world applications of neurobiology, theoretical physics is, what’s the word I’m looking for? Hmm, cute.Leonard and Howard together: Oooh!Sheldon: Are you suggesting the work of a neurobiologist like Babinski could ever rise to the significance of a physicist like Clarke-Maxwell or Dirac?Amy: I’m stating it outright. Babinski eats Dirac for breakfast and defecates Clarke-Maxwell.Sheldon: You take that back.Amy: Absolutely not. My colleagues and I are mapping the neurological substrates that subserve global information processing, which is required for all cognitive reasoning, including scientific inquiry, making my research ipso facto prior in the ordo cognoscendi. That means it’s better than his research, and by extension, of course, yours.Leonard: I’m sorry, I’m-I’m still trying to work on the defecating Clark Maxwell, so…Sheldon: Excuse me, but a grand unified theory, insofar as it explains everything, will ipso facto explain neurobiology.Amy: Yes, but if I’m successful, I will be able to map and reproduce your thought processes in deriving a grand unified theory, and therefore, subsume your conclusions under my paradigm.Sheldon: That’s the rankest psychologism, and was conclusively revealed as hogwash by Gottlob Frege in the 1890s!Amy: We appear to have reached an impasse.Sheldon: I agree. I move our relationship terminate immediately.Amy: Seconded.Sheldon: There being no objections…All: No, uh-uh.Sheldon: The motion carries. Good day, Amy Farrah Fowler.Amy: Good day, Sheldon Cooper.Howard: Women, h uh? Can’t live with them, can’t successfully refute their hypotheses.Sheldon: Amen to that.Scene: The laundry room.Penny: Hey, Sheldon.Sheldon: Hello.Penny: I hear you broke up with Amy.Sheldon: A breakup would imply she was my girlfriend. She was a girl who was my friend who is now a girl who is not my friend.Penny: Wow. That’s like the worst country song ever. So, how are you doing?Sheldon: Regarding what?Penny: Amy.Sheldon: I don’t follow.Penny: Well, breakups, or whatever the hell this is, can be tough.Sheldon: Penny, I assure you, I’m fine. My relationship with Amy was purely intellectual. There were no emotional bonds, the severing of which would cause me any discomfort. The relationship simply outlived its utility, and I’m continuing on w ith my life as before.Penny: Okay. Good.Sheldon: Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to buy a pussycat.Scene: The cafeteria.Leonard: I gotta tell you guys, I’m a little worried about Sheldon.Howard: We’re all a little worried about Sheldon.Leonard: No, I mean since the Shamy hit a reef.Howard: Oh, I thought you were just making a generalization, you know, I’m worried about Sheldon someday setting off a low-yield nuclear device because the cafeteria ran out of lime Jell-O.Raj: What does hit a reef mean?Leonard: Uh, went splitsville.Raj: Pardon?Leonard: Turned to boom-boom.Raj: Ah.Leonard: I think Sheldon really misses Amy.Howard: You should lend him your copy of Bombay Badonkadonks.Leonard: He got a cat to keep him company.Raj: You’re kidding.Leonard: He takes it everywhere, to bed, to the bathroom.Raj: He takes the kitty to the potty?Howard: I thought we discussed the P-word.Raj: Don’t try to change me, dude. I am what I am.Sheldon: Oh, gentlemen.Howard: Hey. Aren’t you going to introduce us to your little friend?Sheldon: My apologies. Raj, Howard, I’d like you to meet Dr. Robert Oppenheimer.Howard: Hello.Raj: Hi.Sheldon: Now, if you’ll excuse me, the father of the atomic bomb wants a saucer of milk.Howard: Okay, I get it. We’re worrie d about Sheldon.Leonard: Yeah.Scene: The apartment. Leonard arrives.Leonard: Hey. (Turns to see Sheldon now has five cats) Oh, no.Sheldon: Robert Oppenheimer was lonely.Leonard: So you decided to get the whole Manhattan Project?Sheldon: Yes. This is Enrico Fermi, Richard Feynman, Edward Teller, Otto Frisch, and Zazzles.Leonard: Zazzles?Sheldon: I was going to name him Herman von Helmholtz, but he’s so zazzy.Leonard: Okay, we need to talk.Sheldon: About what?Leonard: Cats, Sheldon. You’re clearly upset about Amy being gone, and you’re trying to replace her with a bunch of cats.Sheldon: Clowder.Leonard: What?Sheldon: A group of cats is a clowder. Or a glaring.Leonard: Okay, yeah, fine.Sheldon: It’s the kind of thing you ought to know now that w e have one.Leonard: Terrific. My-my point is you need to face up to what you’re feeling with this breakup.Sheldon: It wasn’t a breakup. A breakup would imply that Amy was my girlfriend.Leonard: Okay, I got it, I got it, she’s not your girlfriend. Now li sten to me. I know about loneliness. I know about trying to replace someone with other stuff. When I broke up with Penny, I got back into my cello, I built a bunch of model rockets, I got those weightlifting gloves and that five-pound dumbbell.Sheldon: Yo u didn’t break up, she dumped you.Leonard: She didn’t dump me. It was mutual!Sheldon: I was there. She dumped you.Leonard: Okay, fine. Live with cats. Be like my Aunt Nancy. She had dozens of them. And do you know what happened after she died? They ate her.Sheldon: You don’t have to sell me on cats, Leonard. I’m already a fan. All right, fellas, who’s in the mood for Fancy Feast? Well, that’s not fancy at all.Scene: The apartment.Leonard: Hi, Mrs. Cooper. Thanks for coming.Mrs Cooper: Where is he?Le onard: He’s in his bedroom.Mrs Cooper: Now, when you said on the phone he broke up with a girl, you meant an actual girl, not something you kids whipped up in a lab?Leonard: No, she’s real.Mrs Cooper: Did they sin?Leonard: No, no, it’s not like that. It’s, uh, I don’t know what it’s like. But there is something I should prepare you for.Mrs Cooper: Oh, relax, Leonard, I have raised that boy. I’ve seen him at his best, I’ve seen him at his worst. There’s nothing he can do that’ll surprise me.Leonard: Hold on to that thought. (Knocks on Sheldon’s bedroom door)Sheldon: Come in. (They enter. The room is full of cats.)Leonard: Surprise.Sheldon: Mom, what an unexpected pleasure.Mrs Cooper: My, my, that’s a powerful smell.Sheldon: I’d like you to meet Oppenheimer, Frisch, Panofsky, Feynman, Weisskopf…Mrs Cooper: Yeah, I get it. You got a lot of cats and you gave ‘em cute Jewish names.Sheldon: What are you doing here?Mrs Cooper: Leonard called, and he said that you were pining for a young lady.Sheldon: Oh, that’s preposterous. I’m not pining over anyone.Mrs Cooper: Oh, lambchop, we can quibble what to call it, but I think we can both agree it’s creepy.Sheldon: I do not agree. Cats make wonderful companions. They don’t argue or question my intellectual authority, and this little guy here, I think you’ll find to be quite zazzy.Mrs Cooper: You should have called sooner.Scene: The kitchen.Mrs Cooper: Shelly! Dinner’s ready!Sheldon: Coming!Mrs Cooper: No cats!Sheldon: Aw.(Enters to find Amy) What is she doing here?Mrs Cooper: I called her.Amy: Your mother thinks you might be losing your mind over me. As a neurobiologist, I was curious.Sheldon: Well, rest assured, I am in full possession of my faculties.Leonard (pretending to sneeze): 25 cats!Mrs Co oper: Oh, God bless you, dear. Sheldon, sit down. Let’s talk.Sheldon: All right, but you’re not fooling me. Whenever you say we have to talk, it means you want me to listen.Mrs Cooper: Then stop talking.Sheldon: Yes, ma’am.Mrs Cooper: Now, the reason I called Amy over was to find out what type of person she is. And after chatting a bit, I have to say that while she is a perfectly unique young woman, you two are definitely not suited for each other.Sheldon: That’s a peculiar conclusion. By any standard,Amy is more similar to me than anyone I’ve ever met.Mrs Cooper: Oh, I’m sorry, Shelly, I can’t see it.Sheldon: Well, whether you see it or not is irrelevant. I can’t see subatomic particles, but nevertheless, they’re there.Amy: Excellent point.Sheldon: A physics point.Amy: Touche.Mrs Cooper: Well, putting aside the pig Latin, it’s a good thing that you two decided to end the relationship so I didn’t have to end it for you.Sheldon: Amy, after consideration, I believe we may have acted rashly. I propose we resume our relationship and attempt to resolve our differences.Amy: I’ll agree to that only if you’ll stipulate that 80% of our difficulties were caused by you.Sheldon: I’ll go as high as 40.Amy: Sixty-five.Sheldon: Done. You understand that moving forward, we deal with the fact that my mother does not approve of you?Amy: I do. I find being cast in the role of bad girl oddly titillating.Sheldon: Would you like to see my cats?Amy: I would. I love cats. They’re the epitome of indifference.Sheldon: Ah, then you may find Zazzles a little cloying.Leonard: I saw what you did there.Mrs Cooper: He thinks he’s such a smarty pants. He’s no different from any man. You tell ‘em not to do something, that’s all they want to do. If I hadn’t told my brother Stumpy not to clear out the wood chipper by hand, we’d still be calling him Edward. Now, don’t you move. I’ll bring over all the food.Leonard: No, no, no, I can do it.Mrs Cooper: Well, isn’t that sweet?Scene: Outside. Sheldon is sitting at a table with a sign reading “Cats $20”)Sheldon: Thank you, Amy. Here’s your cat. And here’s your $20.Amy: Next!Sheldon: Thank you, Amy. Here’s your cat. And here’s your $20.Amy: Next!。

Series 4 Episode 02 – The Cruciferous Vegetable Amplification Scene: The apartment. Sheldon has a series of whiteboards across the room.Leonard: Whatcha doin’ there? Working on a new plan to catch the roadrunner?Sheldon: The humorous implication being that I am Wile E. Coyote?Leonard: Yes.Sheldon: And this is a schematic for a bird-trapping device that will ultimately backfire and cause me physical injury?Leonard: Yes.Sheldon: What I’m doing here is trying to determine when I’m going to die.Leonard: A lot of people are working on that research. So what is all this?Sheldon: My family history factoring in longevity, propensity for disease, et cetera.Leonard: Interesting. Cause of death for Uncle Carl was KBB. What’s KBB?Sheldon: Killed by badger.Leo nard: How’s that?Sheldon: It was Thanksgiving. Uncle Carl said, I think there’s a badger living in our chimney. Hand me that flashlight. Those were the last words he ever spoke to us.Leonard: I don’t think you need to worry about death by badgers being h ereditary.Sheldon: Not true. The fight or flight instinct is coded genetically. Instead of fleeing, he chose to fight barehanded against a brawny member of the weasel family. Who’s to say that I don’t share that flawed DNA?Leonard: You can always get a badger and find out.Sheldon: But seriously, even if I disregard the Uncle Carl factor, at best I have 60 years left.Leonard: That long, huh?Sheldon: 60 only takes me to here. I need to get to here.Leonard: What’s there?Sheldon: The earliest estimate of the singularity, when man will be able to transfer his consciousness into machines and achieve immortality.Leonard: So, you’re upset about missing out on becoming some sort of freakish self-aware robot?Sheldon: By this much.Leonard: Tough break. You want eggs?Sheldon: You don’t get it, Leonard. I’m going to miss so much, the unified field theory,cold fusion, the dogapus.Leonard: What’s a dogapus?Sheldon: A hybrid dog and octopus. Man’s underwater best friend.Leonard: Is somebody working on that?Sheldon: I was going to. I planned on giving it to myself on my 300th birthday.Leonard: Wait a minute. You hate dogs.Sheldon: A dogapus can play fetch with eight balls. No one can hate that.Credits sequence.Scene: The apartment.Howard: What do we owe you?Leonard: It came to $28.17. Let’s say six bucks apiece.Howard: Here you go.Leonard: Thank you.Penny: What?Leonard: Never mind. I got it.Penny: Oh, you wanted me to pay.Leonard: It’s no big deal.Penny: No, no, no, no. You’re right. We’re not goin g out anymore, I should pay for myself. (After Raj whispers to Howard, and Howard laughs) What?Howard: He said if he had woman parts, he’d eat for free the rest of his life.Penny: Yeah, but you wouldn’t be able to talk to yourself. I’m a little low on ca sh.Leonard: Hmm? How much you got?Penny: Nothing.Leonard: How can you walk around with no money?Penny: I’m cute. I get by.Leonard: It’s okay, you can owe me.Penny: Okay.Leonard: Sheldon, six bucks.Sheldon: No, thank you. I’m not eating pizza tonigh t.Penny: But it’s Thursday. Thursday’s pizza night.Sheldon: Not for me. Thursday is now Cruciferous Vegetable Night. Tonight’s selection, brussels sprouts.Howard: Really? You’re changing the Sheldonian calendar?Sheldon: It’s a small price to pay.Penny: For what?Leonard: No, no, don’t ask.Penny: Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.Sheldon: In order to live long enough to fuse my consciousness with cybernetics, I need to change my diet.Penny: Wait. Cybernetics is robot stuff, right?Sheldon: Correct.Penny: So you want to turn yourself into some sort of robot?Sheldon: Essentially, yes.Penny: Okay, here’s my question. Didn’t you already do that?Sheldon: Flattering, but sadly, no. I’m also planning to begin an exercise regimen designed to strengthen my cardiovascular system. AKA jogging.Penny: Wait. Honey,have you ever run before?Sheldon: Certainly. I’ve run from bullies, dogs, angry chickens, and one particularly persistent P.E. teacher determined to bend me over and give me a scoliosis test.Howard (after Raj whispers to him): You’re right, Penny jogs. Maybe you guys can run together.Sheldon: That’s an excellent idea. Yeah, if we chat, it will create the illusion of time going faster.Penny: No, it won’t. Um, how does he know I jog?Howard: Oh, he watches you from his car with high-powered binoculars.Penny: Oh, my God, that is so creepy!Howard: I know! (Raj whispers to him) And he says he’s not gonna stop. (Raj whispers to him urgently) Then see a shrink and figure out how to talk to women.Scene: Leonard’s bedroomSheldon (off): (Knock, knock, knock) Ugh. (Knock, knock, knock) U-u-ugh. (Knock, knock, knock) Lenu-u-ugh.Leonard: What the hell? What’s the matter?Sheldon: I have pain radiating from my navel to my lower right abdomen. I’m nauseated an d feverish. I believe I may have cholera.Leonard: There’s no cholera in Pasadena. Just like last summer, when there was no malaria in Pasadena.Sheldon: Well, if it’s not cholera, then based on a quick Internet search, the other explanations in decreasing order of likelihood are Hirschsprung’s Disease, botulism, a 30-foot tapeworm or accidental ingestion of chrysanthemum blossoms.Leonard: When would you have accidentally eaten chrysanthemum blossoms?Sheldon: It’s part of an unlikely scenario that involve s sleepwalking and a 24-hour flower mart with a less-than-vigilant proprietor. Oh, Lord, my belly!Leonard: Have you had your appendix out?Sheldon: I haven’t. I’ve been meaning to, but who has the time?Leonard: Let’s get you to the hospital.Sheldon: So this is how it ends, with cruel irony. Just as I make the commitment to preserving my body, I am betrayed by my appendix, a vestigial organ. Do you know the original purpose of the appendix, Leonard?Leonard: No.Sheldon: I do. And yet I’m doomed while you live on.Leonard: Funny how things work out, isn’t it?Sheldon: Oh, Lord, I think it’s about to burst! (Loud sound of farting) On the other hand, it might have been the Brussels sprouts.Leonard: Good night.Sheldon: Good night. Appendicitis. What a nervous Nelly.Scene: The hallway.Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny.Penny: Coming, coming. Hey, nice knees.Sheldon: Thank you. They’re my mother’s.Penny: Oh. And the Flash shirt is what? Because y ou’re gonna run really fast?Sheldon: No, the Flash shirt is because it’s Friday, but it’s nice when things work out. Where’s your heart rate monitor?Penny: I don’t have one.Sheldon: What about your pedometer?Penny: Don’t have one.Sheldon: Do you have telematics in your shoes connected to an iPod?Penny: Uh, no.Sheldon: What do you do, you just go out there and gambol about like a bunny?Penny: No. I just run till I’m hungry, then I stop for a bear claw.Sheldon: Why are you doing that?Penny: It’s goo d to stretch your muscles before you run.Sheldon: All right.Penny: All right, let’s start with a toe touch. Okay, you do it.Sheldon: I am doing it.Penny: Oh. Wow. Good job. Okay, um, can you do this?Sheldon: We’ll never know.Penny: Okay, let’s just w arm up on the run.Sheldon: Okay.Penny: Okay, let’s go.Sheldon: Yeah, I’ve been reading up on biomechanics. I think you’ll be surprised at my… Wah! Oh!Penny (squealing): Oh, my God, are you okay?Sheldon: I think so.Penny: Oh, let me help you up.Sheldon: Thank you. (Loud sound of farting)Penny: Oh, Sheldon!Sheldon: If it makes you feel any better, Thursday is no longer Cruciferous Vegetable Night.Scene: The apartment.Leonard: Here’s my chicken curry. Howard, your shrimp biryani.Howard: Thank you, sir.Leonard: Palak paneer, that’s Penny.Penny: Thanks.Leonard: And for Rajesh Koothrappali, from whose homeland these tasty dishes originate, one large order of chicken McNuggets.Penny: Hey, what’s my share?Leonard: Uh, 12 bucks.Penny: Okay, can I get you after Friday when I get paid?Leonard: Sure.Penny: What am I up to now?Leonard: Well, okay, with the Indian food, the pizza, the Thai food, the tank of gas, the frozen yogurt and your rent, uh, a little over fourteen hundred dollars.Penny (after Raj whispers to Howard and they both laugh): What now?Howard: He’s just expressing his admiration that you don’t even have to put out to get free stuff.Penny: It’s not free, I’m gonna pay him back. (Raj whispers. Both laugh again) Shut up!Leonard: Sheldon, are you gonna join us?Sheldon: Coming! (From the bedroom area, a wheeled device consisting of a base, a tee-shirt on a coat hanger, and a computer monitor with Sheldon’s face, appears). Greetings, friends.Leonard: Greetings, whatever the hell you are.Sheldon-bot: I am a mobile virtual presence device. Recent events have demonstrated to me that my body is too fragile to endure the vicissitudes of the world. Until such time as I am able to transfer my consciousness, I shall remain in a secure location and interact with the world in this manner.Howard (after Raj whispers to him): Really? That’s your question? When did he put a ramp in?Sheldon-bot: You’re in my spot. This may seem a little odd at first, but over time you’ll grow accustomed to dealing with me in this configuration.Penny: Yeah, to be honest, I don’t see much difference.Sheldon-bot: Thank you. That’s what I was going for. Now, Leonard, tomorrow, when we go to work, you’ll need to allow some extra time to get me down the stairs. For your c onvenience, I disassemble into four pieces.Leonard: This is ridiculous. I’m coming to talk to you.Sheldon-bot: You don’t know where I am. My physical body is safely ensconced in a secure, undisclosed location.Leonard: You’re in your bedroom.Sheldon-bot: No, I’m not.Leonard: I can hear your voice coming from your bedroom.Sheldon-bot: No, you can’t. Wait. Come back. Halt. Authorized personnel only!Penny: So, either one of you weirdos want to buy my underwear? Only fourteen hundred bucks.Scene: Sheldon’s bedroom.Leonard: Sheldon, this is ridiculous.Sheldon: I’m behind you. Please look at me when you’re talking to me.Leonard: I am looking at you.Sheldon: No, you’re not. Pay no attention to that man in the bed.Leonard: You cannot exist as a virtual presence. Not here and certainly not at work. Oh, good God.Sheldon: At my age, do you know how I’m statistically most likely to die?Leonard: At the hands of your roommate?Sheldon: An accident.Leonard: That’s how I’m going to make it look.Sheldon: Until I can transfer my intellect to a more durable container, my body will remain safely ensconced in my bed.Leonard: Fine, but don’t expect my help.Sheldon: You have to help, it’s in the roommate agreement.Leonard: No, it’s not.Sheldon: Section 74.C. The various obligations and duties of the parties in the event one of them becomes a robot.Leonard: I’ll be damned.Scene: Leonard’s carSheldon-bot: This is delightful.Leonard: Uh-huh.Sheldon-bot: It’s much easier to enjoy the picturesque route we travel t o work when you remove the spectre of fiery vehicular death.Leonard: Refresh my memory. Why didn’t I just put you in the trunk?Sheldon-bot: Because I called shotgun. Remember?Leonard: Right.Sheldon-bot: You seem tense. Perhaps this will relax you.Leon ard: I don’t want to listen to music, Sheldon.Sheldon-bot: Very well. I don’t understand why you’re not enjoying this. Together, in this car, with my enhanced capabilities, we’re like Knight Rider.Leonard: Except in Knight Rider, the car isn’t a yammerin g sphincter.Sheldon-bot: You mock the sphincter, but the sphincter is a class of muscle without which human beings couldn’t survive. There are over 50 different sphincters in the human body. How many can you name?Leonard: I was wrong, this is exactly like Knight Rider.Sheldon-bot: Perhaps you’d be interested in a different game.Leonard: No.Sheldon-bot: This is a photograph of the 1911 Solvay Conference on the theory of radiation and quanta. Using Photoshop, I’ve introduced a few anachronisms. See if you can spot all 24. I’ll give you the first one. Madame Curie should not be wearing a digital watch. And go.Leonard: That’s it. Bye-bye. (Turns off screen.)Sheldon-bot (screen switching itself back on): Bazinga.Leonard: Whoa!Sheldon-bot: I have an override switch.Leonard: I almost died!Sheldon-bot : And I’m safe and sound in bed. Who’s crazy now?Leonard: I’m still going to go with you.Scene: A corridor at the university.Sheldon-bot : Hello, Professor Hoskins. Nice to see you, Mindy. Konichi-wa Dr. Nakamora. Sorry the Swedes disproved your theory. Leonard, my door.Leonard: What about it?Sheldon-bot : Be a lamb and open it for me.Leonard: Why? What’s the problem?Sheldon-bot : You think you have me stymied, don’t you?Leonard: No, I think a doorknob has you stymied.Howard: Oh, look, it’s Leonard and R2-D-Bag.Raj: That’s my joke. I told it last night. You can’t just use it.Sheldon-bot : Raj, be a lamb and open the door for me.Raj: Oh, sure.Sheldon-bot : He’s a lamb. You’re not.Raj: I’m a lamb.Scene: The Cheesecake FactorySheldon-bot : Isn’t this nice? The pleasures of fellowship and camaraderie without having to tolerate your germy breath on my skin.Howard: I say we just take him to Tatooine and sell him to some Jawas.Raj: That’s two, dude. W rite your own jokes.Penny: Oh, great. Hi, I’m Penny, I’ll be your waitress.Leonard: Why are you introducing yourself?Penny: I’d rather people not know I have any prior connection to you whatsoever.Sheldon-bot : Can you tell me the specials this evening?Penny: Sheldon, I’m not waiting on you.Sheldon-bot: Obviously. I don’t even have water yet.Penny: Because you’re not here.Sheldon-bot: That’s discrimination against the otherwise located. I’m going to have to go over your head. Manager, manager. Oh, Lord, look who it is.Howard: Is that Steve Wozniak?Leonard: I think it is.Sheldon-bot : The Great and Powerful Woz.Leonard: Penny, Steve Wozniak was one of the cofounders of Apple Computer. He and Steve Jobs started it…Penny: Yeah, I know who he is. I watch Dancing with the Stars.Sheldon-bot : I must speak to him.Leonard: Of course you must.Penny: You know, there’s an Olive Garden down the street. You guys should try it sometime.Sheldon-bot : Excuse me, Mr. Wozniak?Steve Wozniak: Oh, hey. Nice virtual presence device.Sheldon-bot : Thank you. I just want to say I’m a big fan. You’re my fifteenth favourite technological visionary.Steve Wozniak: Only fifteenth?Sheldon-bot : It’s still six spots above Steve Jobs. I care neither for turtlenecks nor sh owmanship.Steve Wozniak: Yeah, I never got that turtleneck thing.Sheldon-bot : One of my proudest possessions is a vintage 1977 Apple Two. Despite the file system limitations of Apple DOS 3.3, it was a pretty nifty little achievement.Steve Wozniak: Than ks, we were shooting for nifty. You know, if you had it here, I’d autograph it for you.Sheldon-bot: Don’t move for 15 to 30 minutes, depending on how the buses are running.Steve Wozniak: Nerds.Scene: The hallway. Sheldon exits carrying the Apple 2.Shel don: I’m coming, Woz, I’m coming. (Trips on stairs.) Ow! Aw.Scene: The hallway. Sheldon-bot approaches Penny’s door and starts bashing into it.Sheldon-bot : (Bash) Penny. (Bash) Penny. (Bash) Penny.Penny: What up, Shel-Bot?Sheldon-bot: I can’t get out of bed. I hurt my ankle.Penny: What do you want me to do?Sheldon-bot: Sing me Soft Kitty.Penny: Really, you want me to sing Soft Kitty to a computer monitor?Sheldon-bot: Would you rather come over and sing it to me in person?Penny: Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur.Sheldon-bot: Closer to the microphone.Penny: Happy kitty, sleepy…Sheldon-bot: No. You have to start over.Penny: Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur. Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr.[文档可能无法思考全面，请浏览后下载，另外祝您生活愉快，工作顺利，万事如意!]。

第一集《生活大爆炸》前情提要Previously on The Big Bang Theory...我哥哥深深地暗恋着伯纳黛特My brother he's got a big crush on Bernadette.你要回印度吗You're moving back to India?这是怎么回事What's going on?反正不是你们看上去的那样It'sIt's not what it looks like.那到底看上去像怎么样What does it look like?"不是你们看上去的那样" It's not what it looks like."不是你们看上去的那样" It's not what it looks like.你在碎碎念什么啊What are you grinding about?佩妮今早留下的头脑风暴悬念Penny's brain teaser this morning.她跟库萨帕里She and Koothrappali从你的卧室走出emerge from your bedroom.她衣衫不整拉杰只裹了个床单She is disheveled, and Raj is dressed only in a sheet.唯一的线索只有"不是你们看上去的那样" The sole clue: "It's not what it looks like."别纠结了谢尔顿Just let it go, Sheldon.纠结不是我想停想停就能停的If I could, I would, but I can't, so I shan't.目前的信息表明佩妮Now, knowing Penny最明显的答案当然是两人交媾了the obvious answer is, they engaged in coitus.但是... But...鉴于那是"看上去的那样" Since that's what it looked like我们可以排除这个可能性we can rule that out.让我们戴上智能帽子考虑一下吧如何Let's put on our thinking cap, shall we?智能帽子:澳大利亚思维中心研制的让人更聪明的帽子拉杰来自印度一个热带国家Raj is from India, a tropical country.第三世界的卫生条件Third World hygiene.寄生病感染司空见惯例如蛲虫病Parasitic infections are common, such as pinworms.诊断蛲虫病的步骤就是等待The procedure for diagnosing pinworms is to wait直到宿主陷入沉睡状态until the subject is asleep然后蛲虫从宿主的直肠爬出来透气and the worms crawl out of the rectum for air.没错正像你刚才那样Yes, just like that.佩妮可能在观测寄生虫从拉杰的菊花爬出来呢Penny could have been inspecting Raj's anal region for parasites.天呐Oh, boy.真是位称职的蓝颜知己啊That's a true blue friend.他们上床了大神探They slept together, Sherlock.不你没认真听No, you weren't listening.她说了"不是你们看上去的那样" She said it's not what it looks like.她说谎了She lied.呃Oh.那我坐在这还戴着这东西岂不是弱爆了Don't I look silly sitting here wearing this?莱纳德现在对你而言Leonard, is it awkward for you看到你的挚友跟你曾经爱过的女人knowing that one of your dear friends had sexual intercourse就在你每天睡觉的地方交媾with a woman you used to love是否觉得很尴尬in the very place you lay your head?不我能接受No, I'm fine with it.那听起来像讽刺啊That sounds like sarcasm但是我决定无视它but I'm going to disregard it因为我还有其他安排: 玩彩弹枪because I have an agenda paintball.本周来点特别的搞个不同部门间的比赛Specifically, the interdepartmental tournament this weekend.为了变为更有效率的作战小队In order to function better as a fighting unit我认为我们有必要建立一个领导机制I thought we should establish a chain of command.当然自不待言Now, it goes without saying我的地位理应高于你们三位that I would outrank the three of you但问题在于高多少呢but the question remains, by how much?我认为我不该充当那种在指挥部桌前发号施令Now, I don't see me as some fourstar general, back at HQ riding a desk只会跟国防部打高尔夫的四星上将的角色and playing golf with the Secretary of Defense.但我也不能当库珀中士But I also can't be Sergeant Cooper这可能会误导你们because that might lead you把我仅仅看成个小人物to think of me as just a regular Joe.这事儿可能需要动点脑筋交给你们了This might take some thought. As you were.你到底有什么毛病啊What the hell is wrong with you?是啊你怎么能这么做呢Yeah, how could you do that?跟你有何关联我挺他啊What is it to you? I got his back.是啊你嫉妒我因为事实证明Yeah, right. You're just jealous because it turns out我才是佩妮仅次于莱纳德的第二选择I'm Penny's number two choice after Leonard.拜托如果我没跟伯纳黛特订婚Hey, if I wasn't engaged to Bernadette二号选择完全可能是我that totally could have been me.拜托谢尔顿都有可能在你之前Please. Sheldon would have been before you他说不定连生殖器都没有呢and he might not even have genitals!你为何这么在意啊Why do you care so much?你还跟我妹妹约会呢You're dating my sister况且佩妮和我还相恋了and Penny and I are in love.什么What?!先生们容我插一句Gentlemen, if I may interject我决定我的军阶为上尉了I've decided my rank will be captain.如果科克船长嘎嘣脆船长和袋鼠船长都能胜任此职If it's good enough for Kirk, Crunch and Kangaroo嘎嘣脆船长:麦片品牌袋鼠船长:美国某儿童节目主持人的称呼那对我而言也不错it's good enough for me.你没有跟佩妮相恋You're not in love with Penny.有我有Yes, I am.伟大的天神迦摩天用他的爱之花箭射中了我们The god Kamadeva has shot us with his flowery arrows of love.谁Who?他是印度的丘比特He's the Hindu version of Cupid但他帅多了因为他骑着一只硕大的鹦鹉but way better, because he rides a giant parrot.拜托拉杰哪个女孩子对你笑你就会爱上谁Raj, come on. You fall in love with any girl who smiles at you.一个月前你还给他未婚妻写情诗呢A month ago, you were writing poems about his fiance.什么他啥意思I'm sorry. What?!胡说他胡说八道Rubbish. He's talking rubbish.哦伯纳黛特请给我吹箫吧"Oh, Bernadette, please play my clarinet."那也可以是别人嘛That could have been about anyone.况且你没必要担心Besides, you have nothing to worry about我现在是库佩恋的主角之一because now I'm the dusky half of Koothrapenny.说明一下我有生殖器For the record, I do have genitals.不但功能强劲而且外形健美They're functional and aesthetically pleasing.来了Oh. Coming.说到底Yup, that's good.还是一醉解千愁Wine glasses should have handles.准确记录你的酒精摄入量Keeping accurate track of your alcohol intake.鉴于你的酒后乱性程度Smart idea considering how trampy you get这么做很聪明when you've had a few.你听说我干的事了You heard what I did?我听说你干了谁了Well, I heard who you did.老天呐Oh, my God我全搞砸了I screwed up everything.我伤害了莱纳德I hurt Leonard.我伤害了拉杰I hurt Raj.我真是有毛病啊我I mean, what is wrong with me?我感觉自己完全是两个不同的人I feel like two totally different people原电影名为Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde化娼博士Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Whore.别太自责了Don't be so hard on yourself.你知道凯萨琳大帝的故事吗Do you know the story of Catherine the Great?不知道No.她是俄罗斯She ruled Russia18世纪后期的统治者in the late 1700s, and one night一天晚上她感觉性欲特别强when she was feeling particularly randy她用一个复杂的滑轮系统she used an intricate system of pulleys跟一匹马发生了亲密关系to have intimate relations with a horse.不好意思I'm... I'm sorry.这跟我有什么关系What does this have to do with me?她跟不同物种发生过关系She engaged in interspecies hankypanky但人们依然尊称她"大帝"啊and people still call her "Great."我相信你的名誉不会因为I'm sure your reputation can survive一个小印度男而毁掉的you shagging a little Indian boy.你个不要脸的东西You jerk face!你跟霍华德说什么了What did you tell Howard?!你跟他说我们之间有奸情是不是Did you say there was something going on between us?他现在就是这么想的Because he thinks there is!他整个人都抓狂了He's completely freaking out!请进Please, come in.你这人有毛病啊What the hell is wrong with you?! Well...你总是对我这么好我以为你喜欢我嘛You were always so nice to me, I thought maybe you liked me.我对谁都这么好啊I'm nice to everyone!对不起I'm sorry.没错你是对不起我Damn right, you're sorry!你去跟霍华德说我们之间没有任何暧昧之情And you tell Howard there's never been anything between us!我会的伯纳黛特干嘛I will. Hey, Bernadette? What?!你觉得我和佩妮有机会吗Do you think I have a shot with Penny?当然啦你那么可爱Of course you do. You're a cutie pie!哪个女孩子遇到你真是三生有幸啦Any girl would be lucky to have you!你知道吗我以前就犯过这种错You know, I've done this before.在幼儿园的时候In kindergarten我本来要在下课期间嫁给杰森·索伦森I was supposed to marry Jason Sorensen at recess但等同学们都出来的时候but by the time my class got out there他已经和切尔西·辛莫法订婚了he was already engaged to Chelsea Himmelfarb.知道我怎么做吗So what did I do?我倒吊在猴架上Hung upside down from the monkey bars让全部男生看我的内裤let all the boys see my underpants.你不能责怪自己You can't blame yourself.当你的前额皮质无法使你开心时When your prefrontal cortex fails to make you happy滥交能给你带来大量所需的多巴胺promiscuity rewards you with the needed flood of dopamine.我们神经生物学家称之为"下流反射" We neurobiologists refer to this as the "Skank reflex."这样吧You know what?我们出去玩Let's get out of here.我们去哪玩Where are we going?去没有人看过我裸体的地方Somewhere where no one's seen me naked.可能得开一会车才行We may have to drive awhile.聪敏就不是她的强项对吧Subtlety isn't her strong suit, is it?我能去你家睡几晚吗Can I stay at your place for a few nights?真的吗Really?闺蜜来过夜好嘢 A best friend sleepover? Yay.当然好嘢Yeah, sure. Yay!我们弄点爆米花玩他个通宵We'll make popcorn, stay up all night我会教你说我的密语表嗷话and I'll teach you my secret language, Op.听上去不错错Sounds great. Nope.应该是听上去"表嗷错噢" Sounds "Gop Rop E A Top."好吧我去收个包不错了Yeah, I'm gonna go pack a bag. No, you're not. 你是去"收个表嗷噢" You're gonna "Pop A Cop Kop A Bop A Gop."我们真要穿这蠢爆了的迷彩服Do we really have to wear this camouflage crap去打彩弹吗to play paintball?谁在说话Who said that?莱纳德我能听到你Leonard, I can hear your voice但看不到你but I can't see you.我没那心情谢尔顿I'm not in the mood, Sheldon.哎呀你在这啊Oh, there you are!莱纳德Leonard我知道你为最近的事不开心I know you're upset about recent events, and所以我找了人来帮你I have someone here to help.我不想和艾米说话I don't want to talk to Amy.不那不是艾米No, it's not Amy.你好宝贝儿Hello, dear.你叫了我妈You called my mother?莱纳德Oh, Leonard非要说得这么明显吗is it really necessary to caption the obvious?他还是小孩时就这样了He's been like that since he was a toddler.看呀妈咪一只蝴蝶"Look, Mommy a butterfly."真闹心Maddening.怎么了你有什么事What's going on? What do you want?谢尔顿告诉我说Sheldon informed me你正在遭遇感情上的剧变that you're experiencing an emotional upheaval所以我来帮忙and I'm here to help.你真贴心That's so nice.这不又是明摆着的么And we're back to the obvious.好吧怎么了Now, what's up?那个嗯Well, uh... okay.我不想和佩妮复合I don't want to get back together with Penny.我们尝试过很疯狂效果很糟糕We tried it, it was crazy, it didn't work但我也不能接受but I can't deal with the fact她和我朋友拉杰上床了that she slept with my friend Raj.我还发现拉杰的妹妹普莉娅And then I find out that Raj's sister Priya我和她交往了八个月who I've been going out with for eight months而她现在要回印度is moving back to India.所以我完全迷茫和寂寞了So I'm just completely confused and alone.我理解I understand.有什么建议吗Got any advice?有振作起来Yes. Buck up.啥Excuse me.你一个世界知名的You're a worldrenowned expert育儿和儿童成长专家in parenting and child development能给的建议就是"振作起来"吗and all you've got is "Buck up"?不好意思Sorry.振作起来小娘炮Buck up, sissy pants.多谢妈妈我感觉好多了Thanks, Mother. I feel much better.你要是有什么要我帮忙If you need any more help from me就去亚马逊上买我的书my books are available on Amazon.下了Logging off.九十九一百...ninetynine, one hundred.秀发如金色瀑布一般倾泻而下It's like a waterfall of liquid gold.轮到我了My turn.我都不知道我干嘛You know, I don't even know what the point要住在洛杉矶of me staying in L.A. Is.我搬到这后连一次演员工作机会都没有I haven't gotten a single acting job since I moved out here.最接近的就是上个月The closest I came was last month一个做痔疮广告的打了电话给我I got a callback for a hemorrhoid commercial.我觉得你那张脸演得了痔疮的会很传神Oh, I could so see you being the face of hemorrhoids.你也觉得吧I know, right?我是不是干脆搬回内布拉斯加得了Maybe I should just move back to Nebraska.不你不能这么做No, I can't let you do that.为什么Why not?有史以来第一次For the first time ever我的社交生活蒸蒸日上I have a thriving social life.不是给你压力And no pressure但你要是走了这一切都完了but it kind of lives and dies with you.你好艾米Hi, Amy.我能和佩妮谈谈吗Can I talk to Penny?我的滚轮床有人来睡还有男生来我家A guest in my trundle bed and a boy at my door?我真想穿越回去告诉十三岁的我"真的会好起来的" I wish I could tell 13yearold me "It does get better."你怎么知道我在这里How did you know I was here?她的Facebook上都写了It's all over her Facebook page.我把你的东西搬去卧室I'll take your stuff to the bedroom再把抽屉整理一下谢了and clear out a drawer. Thanks.没事这次管好你的裤子好吗No problem. Try and keep it in your pants, okay?你好So, hi.有事吗What's up?不知道你周五有没有空I was wondering if you're free Friday.周五在格里克有个八十年代之夜They're having a Totally '80s Night at the Greek.有霍尔与奥兹二重唱卡特琳娜Hall & Oates, Katrina and the Waves均是八十年代的音乐人和组合还有卡加勾勾组合里的三个人and threefifths of Kajagoogoo.这真的很不错但问题是... Gee, that's really sweet, but the thing is...有问题了Aw, there's a thing.听着亲爱的我当时醉得很厉害Look, honey, I was really drunk昨晚犯了个严重的错误and made a huge mistake last night.我们绝不该发生这种关系We should've never slept together.这会毁了我们的友谊的It's what ruins friendships.做爱是毁不了友谊的You can't ruin a friendship with sex.就好像巧克力屑不会毁了冰淇淋一样That's like trying to ruin ice cream with chocolate sprinkles.来坐下来Come here.听我说Just listen to me.我想时光倒流回到我们从前那样I want to go back to the way we were before.当朋友You know, friends.不放巧克力屑No sprinkles.好吧All right.谢谢你Thank you.作为朋友我要告诉你As your friend, you might like to know that, um...传统意义上来说我们没有做爱we didn't have sex in the conventional sense.天哪Oh, God.你对我做了什么怪异的印度花样吗Did you pull some weird Indian crap on me?不不是的No, no.我们脱光衣服上床之后After we got undressed and jumped in bed你问了我有没有带安全套youyou asked if I had protection.哦你一定带了是吧Oh, you did, didn't you?当然我一向随身带着的Of course. I'm always packing.总之Anyway当时我有点戴不上套子um, I had trouble putting it on你就想来帮我and you tried to help and...然后就没有然后了that was all she wrote.所以我们其实没有... So, we didn't actually...我射了I did.感觉很美妙It was beautiful.佩妮求求你答应我Penny, please, please promise me不会告诉任何人you won't tell anybody about this.当然一定不说Of course I won't. No, I won't.太好了Oh, good.我可不可以告诉别人Um, can I tell people that our love我们的爱燃烧太快转瞬即逝burned too bright and too quickly?就像"风中之烛"那样Kind of a "Candle in the Wind" deal?当然可以Sure.酷我可以说我们分手Cool. Can I say it fell apart是因为你一直嚷嚷着想要我孩子because you were all "I want to have your babies""而我觉得自己还要继续流浪不能安定下来吗and I was like "I'm too rock and roll to be tied down"?不行No.我可以说因为你是白种人所以我甩了你吗Can I say I ruined you for white men?还是不行Also no.好吧就说风中烛那个吧对Okay, just the candle thing. Yeah.酷Cool.好吧朋友All right... friend.回见I'll see you around.好的Okay.拉杰等等Raj, wait.谢谢你当我朋友Thank you for being my friend.佩妮Penny?我又开始觉得美妙了It's getting beautiful again.好了这是本战场的"谷歌地球"画面All right, this is a Google Earth view of the field of battle. 我什么都没看见I don't see anything.等一会在载入Give it a second to load.可以了吧AT&T[美国电话电报公司] Whenever you're ready, AT&T!好了来吧Okay, here we go.我们在这This is us here.南面是卢米斯教授和地质系诸人To the south is Professor Loomis and the Geology Department.据其twitter记录他们没防晒霜了According to their twitter feed, they're out of sunblock就是说他们要不躲在林木线下which means they'll have to hug the tree line不然就有得黑色素瘤危险or risk melanoma.这就是我们的优势That's our edge.我们只需要快速穿过这个山脊All we have to do is move quickly over this ridge就能把这帮崇拜石头苍白脸色的混蛋the rockworshipping pastyfaced bastards出其不意地击倒won't know what hit them!好了出发吧All right, let's move out.等等谢尔顿Hang on, Sheldon.你怎么能不告诉我你妹妹要回印度How could you not tell me your sister was moving back to India?也许他当时正忙着Maybe he was too busy写关于我未婚妻的拙劣阴茎隐喻writing clumsy penis metaphors about my fiance.滚你的Screw you.那明明是绝妙的阴茎隐喻That was a beautifully written penis metaphor.各位我实在没心情打彩弹球You know what, guys, I'm not in the mood for paintball.不如我们直接当逃兵吧What do you say we just bag it?我同意好吧随便Fine with me. Sure, whatever.不能当逃兵You can't quit.这样是要交军事法庭审判的罪行That's a courtmartial offense.可被判处... That's punishable by...反正不行You can't quit.抱歉谢尔顿Sorry, Sheldon现在玩彩弹球游戏实在不是时候it's just not a good time for playing games.你以为这是游戏吗This is a game to you?安提耶坦之战也是游戏吗Uh, was the Battle of Antietam a game?美国南北战争时期的著名战役罗马被洗劫也是游戏吗Huh? Was the sack of Rome a game?历史上罗马曾遭多次洗劫是不是不是Yes, no and no.慢着Wait.我只是想你们知道我原谅你们了I just want you all to know that I forgive you.这次叛变不是你们的错This mutiny isn't your fault是我的问题it's mine.我配不上这些两道杠[军衔] I haven't earned these bars.显然我的领导才能的不足Although what I lack in leadership全弥补在缝纫技术上了apparently I more than make up for in sewing.算了吧谢尔顿Let it go, Sheldon.原名坚宝果汁回家的路上我会给你买杯丈八果汁的I'll get you a Jamba Juice on the way home.不要No.丈八果汁是给英雄喝的Jamba Juice is for heroes.所以我们要当英雄And that's what we're going to be.你要干嘛What are you doing?步柯克船长和嘎嘣脆船长以及袋鼠船长的后尘Following in the footsteps of Kirk, Crunch and Kangaroo.地质学不是真正的科学Geology isn't a real science!那帮混球太过分了Damn those sons of bitches!干掉他们Let's get 'em!尝尝老子的厉害Eat paint!如果将来有谢尔顿党的话If there's ever a Church of Sheldon那应该就是从此时开始的this will be when it started.哎呦喂Ow!让我们为英雄举杯I'd like to propose a toast正是他悲壮的牺牲我们才能赢得胜利to the man whose noble sacrifice inspired our victory 感谢谢尔顿·库珀上尉Captain Sheldon Cooper.说得好说得妙Hear, hear. Hear, hear.抱歉应该是谢尔顿·库珀少校Excuse me. It's Major Sheldon Cooper.为了犒赏在沙场上的英勇With my last breath我用仅存的一口气给自己升了一级官I awarded myself a battlefield promotion.这也算小有成就吧It's kind of a big deal.嗨你们有时间吗Hi. You guys have a minute?当然有Uh, yeah, sure.好的Okay.我已经跟拉杰谈过了Well, I already talked to Raj但是我想向你们其他几个道歉but I wanted to apologize to the rest of you for为之前的一切道个歉you know, everything.拜托佩妮让我来说吧Please, Penny, let me.我们决定让那晚既疯狂又美好的春宵We've decided to let our crazy, wonderful night together 成为大家心里的美好回忆be just one of those memories you have当你们心情低落或洗澡时and can call to mind when you're feeling blue可以拿出来回味一下or you're in the shower.你这是干什么三分钟先生[早泄王?] Hey, what you doing, Quick Draw?抱歉您请说Sorry. Go on.总之我来是想告诉大家Anyways, I wanted you guys all to know我很认真地审视了一遍自己that I've been taking a really hard look at things于是得出一个结论and come to the conclusion我不能再自欺欺人了I have to stop kidding myself.我根本不会演戏I suck at acting.是时候卷铺盖回家了It's time for me to move back to Nebraska.你要走吗You're leaving?对Yeah.你准备回内布拉斯加做什么What are you going to do in Nebraska?不知道或许教表演吧I don't know, maybe teach acting.抱歉稍等Oh, sorry. Hold on.你好Hello?佩妮听着我不希望你是因为我才走的Penny, listen, I hope you're not doing this 'cause of you and me因为我有女友相伴而你只能孤芳自赏because I have a girlfriend, and you're a single woman...别吵我经纪人打来的Shh! It's my agent, it's my agent.你开什么玩笑You're kidding.天啊Oh, my gosh.我简直不敢相信真的吗I can't believe it! Really?!我太激动了Oh, I'm so excited!谢谢Thank you!非常感谢Thank you so much.好再见Okay, bye.我接了个痔疮广告I got the hemorrhoid commercial!周一开拍I start Monday!那内布拉斯加呢What about Nebraska?鬼才回内布拉斯加Oh, hell with Nebraska.姐要当明星啦I'm gonna be a star!你有考虑过教物理吗Have you ever thought of teaching physics?准备要上马了吗Ready to ride?恐怕不行妈I don't think so, Mom.今天不行Not today.小宝贝Oh, sweetie.痔疮又犯了吧Hemorrhoids acting up again?你不会明白我的痛You don't know the half of it.不我懂Oh, yes, I do.只需轻抹痛处一点点Try a dab of this."女性专用玫瑰香型白宫痔疮膏""Rosescented PreparationH for women?"现在白宫的大门是专为你而开Now, the "H" Is for "Her."我真为你感到骄傲I'm proud of you.别吵到我抖包袱了Shh! Here comes my joke.感觉如何How you doing?双关: 痔疮没问题+骑马很开心爽快又自在Sittin' pretty.第二集你干嘛呢What are you doing?普丽娅一会要跟我用Skype视频Oh, uh, Priya's calling in a few minutes on Skype我们准备共进晚餐and we are gonna have a dinner date.现在是孟买时间早上八点It's 8 o'clock in the morning in Mumbai.她怎么就吃起晚饭来了How can she have dinner?好吧随你怎么说Fine, whatever.那普丽娅就吃早餐好了Priya will be having breakfast.好吧所以严格来讲你们俩不是共进晚餐All right, so technically it's not a dinner date.也许你勉强可以把这称为共进早晚餐I suppose you could call it a, uh, dinfast date.不过你要是真这么叫的话But if you did, you'd open yourself你肯定会被别人笑死人家肯定会说to peerbased mocking, such as莱纳德你昨晚跟普丽娅的早晚餐吃的好吗"Hey, Leonard, how was your dinfast with Priya last night?"听起来不像是在笑话我呀That doesn't sound like mocking.我还没说完呢You didn't let me finish.早晚餐Dinfast.那是大豆蜡的蜡烛吗Are those soybased candles?不知道怎么了I don't know. Why?石蜡蜡烛可能含有致癌物Paraffin candles may contain carcinogens.当然啦你要是想吃顿早晚餐Unless lung cancer is the ambiance还搭上肺癌的话我也不拦你you were going for at your dinfast.早晚餐Dinfast.我不想无礼Listen, I don't want to be rude可是普丽娅随时都会打来but Priya's gonna be calling any minute, so...对哦普丽娅Oh, yes, Priya.莱纳德你知道我从来Leonard, you know I make a point of都不干涉你的私事never interfering in your personal affairs.没错我也一直很欣赏你这点Yes, I've always admired that about you.那是当然As well you should.但是我这次要破例了But I'm going to make an exception here.又来了Oh, good.普丽娅回印度去发展自己的法律事业Priya has moved back to India to pursue her law career. 你与其花这些时间绝望地挣扎Instead of desperately trying费劲心思地保持这段跨洲恋情to keep this intercontinental relationship alive你还不如找点别的兴趣爱好呢you could use that time to take up a hobby.兴趣爱好A hobby?没错Yes.我最近得知堪萨斯州一个家伙I read recently about a fellow in Kansas拿麻绳团了一个巨大的球with an enormous ball of twine.我认为你可以跟他一比高下I bet you could give him a run for his money.你知道吗有些人可能会说You know, some people might say that it's great我们俩保持这种异地恋是精神可嘉的事that we're trying to make things work long distance. 他们会说They'd say things like爱情不会被你们俩之间的距离所打败"Love is stronger than the miles between you".等有一天我掌权了我肯定会灭掉这帮人When I rise to power, those people will be sterilized.你也整天跟艾米视频呀You videochat with Amy all the time.咱俩干的事有什么不同How is this different?你不喜欢艾米吗Don't you like Amy?我当然喜欢艾米啦Of course I like Amy.可我不喜欢普丽娅呀Well, there's the difference.不好意思普丽娅打来了Excuse me, that's Priya.莱纳德Hi, Leonard.亲爱的Hey, honey.我好想你I miss you.我也好想你Oh, I miss you, too.我怀念以前爱情伴侣们I miss the old days when your romantic partners能退回录像店的日子could be returned to the video store.谢谢你让我待在这Thanks for letting me stay here这样我就不用看着莱纳德跟他女朋友视频了while Leonard Skypes with his girlfriend.小意思Oh, it's no problem.这种感觉还挺不错的呢It's actually kind of nice.你在看书我也在看书You reading, me reading.咱俩就像一对老夫老妻似的We're like an old married couple.咱俩要真是老夫老妻的话If we were an old married couple妻子这个时候就会端上冻柠茶和曲奇饼了the wife would serve iced tea and snickerdoodles.我家没有冻柠茶和曲奇饼I don't have iced tea and snickerdoodles.尽职的妻子就会去商店买A good wife would go to the store.我要离婚I want a divorce.很好你去找律师的路上Good. On the way to see the lawyer别忘了买点冻柠茶和曲奇饼pick up some tea and cookies.我还真得说我挺喜欢你这张新椅子的I must say, I am enjoying your new chair.舒服吧It's great, isn't it?没错It is.符合腰椎曲线Aligns the lumbar支撑住了尾骨还平衡了臀部cradles the coccyx, balances the buttocks.这椅子还真对得起它的名字This is a chair worthy of the name.什么名字What name?椅子呀Chair.好吧你喜欢就好Oh, all right, well, I'm glad you like it.我还是想不通I mean, I still can't get over the fact怎么有人就忍心把它给扔了呢someone just threw it away.你说什么What?就是说呀这椅子就被丢在路上Yeah, it was just sitting on the street.我给了个流浪汉十块钱让他帮我把这张椅子搬上来的I paid a homeless guy ten bucks to help me get it up here.哦天呐哦天呐Oh, dear. Oh, dear.你怎么啦What is wrong?我刚坐在垃圾上了I've been sitting in garbage!谢尔顿淡定嘛Sheldon, take it easy.你去淡定吧我得去趟浴室You take it easy! I need to use your shower.我当年结婚的时候还是太过乐观了I went into this marriage with so much hope.浴室地板上有张湿创口贴There's a wet BandAid on the shower floor!真有意思This is fun.我还从来没用过热成型液压机呢I've never used a hydraulic thermoforming press before.很赞吧Pretty sweet, huh?这个小玩意儿花了学校十七万五千刀This little baby set the university back 175 grand.三分钟到了That's three minutes.让我们看看成果如何马上好Shall we see what we got? Hang on哦也Oh, yeah.这真是个有型的三明治This is one goodlooking panini.把金枪鱼三明治给我Hand me the tuna melt.给多谢Yep. Thank you.你那跨国异地恋怎么样啦How's it going with the longdistance love affair?不容易啊但我俩正在努力Not easy, but we're making it work.你这句"正在努力"包不包括玩些线上耍流氓啊When you say "Making it work," does that include doing the cyber nasty?什么What?你懂的就是虚拟的很黄很暴力的那种啊You know, the virtual pickle tickle.数字化的嘿嘿咻咻The digital... bowchickabowbow.拜托伙计你在说我妹啊Come on, dude. This is my sister you're talking about.喂对你来说Hey, Leonard jiggling his junk at her莱纳德在摄像头里对着她抖那货through a webcam has got to be easier for you to deal with 总要好过他当着她的面拿那货戳她吧than him actually touching her with it.我没那么猥琐There's no junk jiggling.我们就是聊天而已We just talk.你疯了吧Are you sane?有了高速互联网你的指尖下With highspeed Internet, you have at your fingertips注: 小手帕是撸sir之友就是继小手帕之后性爱领域的the greatest advancement in the field of sex最伟大的进步啊since the invention of the washcloth.我不能那么做I can't do that.好吧你要是不这么做Well, if you don't你就是把普丽娅拱手让给某个you're gonna lose Priya to some fancy guy in a turban从小看《印度爱经》插图版长大的头巾男了who grew up with Kama Sutra coloring books.你怎么能这么种族歧视呢How can you be so racist?。

Series 4 Episode 15 – The Benefactor FactorScene: The University cafeteriaRaj: Here’s what I wonder about zombies. (Others all groan) What happens if they can’t get any human flesh to eat? They can’t starve to death, they’re already dead.Howard: You take this one. I spent an hour last night on how do vampires shave when they can’t see themselves in the mirror?Sheldon: Well-groomed vampires meet in pairs and shave each other. Case closed.Raj: Yeah, okay, so, zombies.Leonard: I guess it depends on the zombies, Raj. Are we talking slow zombies, fast zombies? Like, in 28 Days, if those zombies didn’t eat, they starved.Howard: You’re thinking of 28 Days Later. 28 Days is where Sandra Bullock goes to rehab and puts the audience into an undead stateRaj: Hey, don’t bag on Sandra Bullock! You think it makes you look cultured, but you just come off as bitter. Leonard: Oh, Dr. Siebert, twelve o’clock.Howard: Why’s the president of the university slumming in the cafeteria?Sheldon: Perhaps he’s emulating Shakespeare’s Henry V, who dressed as a commoner and mingled among them, to find out how he was being perceived by his subjects. Course, if he’d have read any of the thirteen hundred e-mails I’ve sent him on the subject of his administration, he could have saved himself the trouble.Raj: Or maybe he heard it’s Tator Tot Tuesday. That’s why I’m here.Dr. Seibert: Hey, there’s my favorite geniuses! How are we doing today?Sheldon: That depends, how much longer do you plan on fondling my shoulder?Seibert: Sorry, Dr. Cooper, I forgot you have a touch phobia.Sheldon: It’s not a touch phobia, it’s a germ phobia. If you’d like to go put on a pair of latex gloves,I’ll let you check me for a hernia.Seibert: Yeah. So, listen, fellas, who’s up for a little party this Saturday night? Open bar, good eats, might even be a few pretty girls.Raj: Sounds great!Howard: I’m in!Sheldon: Hold on. Just because the nice man is offering you candy, doesn’t mean you should jump into his windowless van. What’s the occasion?Seibert: Just a little fund-raiser for the university.Sheldon: Aha! The tear-stained air mattress in the back of the van.Seibert: I understand your reticence, Dr. Cooper, and I sympathize, but the hard facts are, occasionally, we have to shake a few hands and kiss a few butts to raise money for our research.Sheldon: I don’t care, it’s demeaning. And I refuse to be trotted out and shown off like a prize hog at the Texas State Fair. Which, by the way, is something you don’t want to attend wearing a Star Trek ensign’s uniform.Seibert: All right, let me put it this way. You’re gonna put on a suit, you’re gonna come to this party, and you’re gonna explain your research to a bunch of old people, or I swear to God, I’ll blind you with a hot spoon, like they did to that little boy in Slumdog Millionaire.Raj: Oh, you don’t want that.Seibert: So, Saturday night! It’s gonna be off the hook.Sheldon: Ugh!Seibert: Get over it.Raj: Oh, boy! Tator tots and a party invitation? What a great day!Credits sequence.Penny: There you go.Leonard: Are you sure this is right?Penny: Yeah, just tuck that part in your pants;you’ll be fine.Howard: Okay, let’s go smooch some rich, wrinkled tuckus.Penny: Oh, Howard, I can’t believe Bernadette let you go to a fancy party wearing a dickey.Howard: Excuse me, my girlfriend doesn’t pick out my clothes. My mother does.Leonard: Oh. We should get going.Howard: What about Sheldon?Sheldon: Sheldon is not going.Leonard: Really? What do we tell Siebert?Sheldon: Tell him Dr. Cooper feels that the best use of his time is to employ his rare and precious mental faculties to tear the mask off nature and stare at the face of God.Penny: Sheldon, it’s Saturday night, you’ll be doing laundry.Sheldon: Don’t tell him that, tell him the mask thing.Scene: The party.Howard: Hey, put your tie back in your pants.Leonard: Thanks.Raj: Nice place. Reminds me of my parents’ house back in New Delhi.Howard: You’re kidding.Raj: No. We are very wealthy. But the only difference is, we have more servants.Leonard: More than this?Raj: More than we can use. You see, in India, we don’t make the mistake of letting our poor people have dreams. Seibert: Ah. There’s my band of brainiacs. Where’s Dr. Cooper?Leonard: He’s tearing the mask off nature to look at the face of God.Seibert: The board of directors insists he has a beautiful mind. I think he’s just bananas. Come on, let me introduce you to one of the university’s leading donors.Raj: I think we were misled about the cute girls.Seibert: Mrs. Latham, I’d like you to meet three of our outstanding young researchers. This is Dr. Leonard Hofstadter, Dr. Rajesh Koothrappali and Howard Wolowitz.Mrs Latham: Well, what happened to you, Wolowitz, couldn’t stick with it long enough to get your PhD? Howard: I’m an engineer. Most engineers don’t bother with a PhD. But you may be interested to know I designed the zero-gravity waste-disposal system for NASA.Mrs Latham: Got it, you’re a space plumber.Howard: I’m gonna go hit the bar.Mrs Latham: Tell me about these two.Raj: Do him first.Seibert: Dr. Hofstadter is representing our experimental physics program tonight. I think you’ll really enjoy hearing about his fascinating work.Mrs Latham: Right. Fascinate me.Leonard: Uh.. b.. d.. uh.. uh..Mrs Latham: They’re cute when they’re about to wet themselves, aren’t they? I’ll make it easy for you. When you arrive at the lab in the morning, what sort of machine do you turn on?Leonard: Coffee maker?Mrs Latham: All right, Dr. Kooth… uh, whatever it is, you’re up.Raj: It’s Koothrappali. I have to tinkle.Sheldon: And so, instead of bowing to pressure, and going to that pointless soiree, I stayed right here and did a load of whites.Amy(on webcam): Well, normally I respect your macho rebellious attitude toward The Man, but, in this case, I think you’ve made a foolish mistake.Sheldon: Unlikely. But make your case. Keeping in mind that your critical attitude is ruining our Saturday night together, and I’m not above minimizing your window.Amy: Sheldon, like it or not, until you manage to upload your intelligence into a self-sustaining orbiting satellite, equipped with high-speed Internet and a cloaking device, you will be dependent on other members of the human race.Sheldon: That’s it. Prepare to be minimized.Amy: I’m not finished. All scientists have to fund-raise, Sheldon. How do you think I paid for my lab?I went to Saudi Arabia and met with a prince who had an interest in neurobiology.Sheldon: Your lab is funded by some Middle-Eastern dilettante?Amy: Technically, Faisal is my fiance. But I do have a state-of-the-art two-photon microscope and a place to stay in Riyadh for the winter.Sheldon: Well, that explains those puzzling camel race photos on your Facebook page.Amy: And consider this, without you to make the case for the physics department, the task will fall to people like Leonard and Rajesh.Sheldon: Are you trying to scare me? ‘Cause you’re succeeding.Amy: Well, then prepare to be terrified. If your friends are unconvincing, this year’s donations might go to, say, the geology department.Sheldon: Oh, dear,not, not the dirt people!Amy: Or worse, it could go to the liberal arts.Sheldon: No!Amy: Millions of dollars being showered on poets, literary theorists and students of gender studies.Sheldon: Oh, the humanities!Scene: The party.Leonard: On the bright side, I don’t think President Siebert will be making us go to any more fund-raisers. Howard: It was so much easier at my bar mitzvah. The old people just came up to you, pinched your cheek and handed you a savings bond.Raj: Oh, don’t be such gloomy Gusses. Look at the size of these shrimp! At what point do we start calling them lobsters?Leonard: Face it, Raj, we crashed and burned tonight.Mrs Latham: Oh, you didn’t do that badly.Leonard: Mrs. Latham, the first machine I turn on in the morning is the helium-neon laser, ’cause it needs to warm up.Mrs Latham: I no longer care, dear. But don’t worry, I really enjoyed meeting you this evening.Leonard: You’re kidding. That was good for you? ‘Cause I was sweating through my T-shirt.Mrs Latham: Excellent! There’s nothing I like better than making smart people feel ill at ease.Leonard: Why?Mrs Latham: Oh, I don’t know, it’s one of the fun things you get to do when you have lots of money. Watch. Hey! Who said you could eat that shrimp? See? Fun.Sheldon(behind them): No, no, no, I’m just here for your money. I don’t want to shake anyone’s germy hands. Explain it to them, Siebert.Scene: The apartment.at your fund-raisers, but now you say you never want me to go anywhere near your fund-raisers. Forgive me, but that sounds like a mixed message. Here we go again. If there’s simply no talking to me, why did you call? I’m sorry, someone’s on the other line. Why don’t you see if you can organize your thoughts, and we’ll try again later. Cooper-Hofstadter residence. Go for Cooper.Good morning, Mrs. Latham. Well, yes, of course I remember you. A woman well past her prime seeking to augment her social status by doling out her late husband’s ill-gotten gains. So, how much money are you going to give me? I’m not crazy, my mother had me tested. Well, if you’re not going to give me money, then why are you calling? She wants to talk to you. Who’s crazy now?Leonard: Hello, Mrs. Latham. Yes, I live with him. I don’t, I, I really don’t know why. Tonight? Sure, that’d be great. Okay, I’ll, I’ll see you then. Bye. She wants to have dinner and talk about my research.Sheldon: An entire dinner to talk about your research? Where you going, the drive-thru at Jack in the Box? Leonard: Well, wherever we’re going, she’s sending a car to pick me up.Sheldon: Okay, I see what’s happening.Leonard: What?Sheldon: My stature intimidates her, so she’s using you to get to me. Crafty old gal.Leonard: Excuse me, but you are not the only distinguished scientist in this apartment. I’ve been published in peer-reviewed journals, I received a Dissertation of the Year award for experimental particle physics.Sheldon: No, that can’t be it. And since you seem to have forgotten, the reason we live together is we’re best friends. And I got your back, Jack.Secne: Mrs Latham’s car.Leonard: That was a great meal.Mrs Latham: I’m glad you enjoyed it.Leonard: The only time I eat this well is when my mom’s in town and she takes me out to dinner.Mrs Latham: Is that so?Leonard: You kind of remind me of her. She enjoys making people uncomfortable, too.Mrs Latham: Well, you remind me of a boy I dated in college.Leonard: No kidding.Mrs Latham: Sweet boy. Very smart. If only he’d had money.Leonard: Yeah, um, so, hey, speaking of money, how are you feeling about helping the physics department get a cryogenic centrifugal pump and molecular sieve?Mrs Latham: Well, I must say, you make a very persuasive case for it.Leonard: Oh, good, good.Mrs Latham: And I’m seriously considering taking it to the next level.Leonard: Terrific. Great. What level is that? (She grabs him and kisses him) Okay, now you don’t remind me of my mom.Scene: The apartment.Sheldon: I’m sorry, so, eventually, zombies are going to attack the rehab facility where Sandra Bullock is?Penny: Yes, Sheldon. Keep watching.Sheldon: You know, it’s a shame, all that work she’s doing to get sober, only to be torn apart and eaten alive. Howard: Hey. How was dinner?Leonard: Swell. I need a drink. Do we have any alcohol?Sheldon: No. But we have potatoes, I could make you vodka. It’ll take two weeks.Penny: Leonard, are you okay?Leonard: Um, I’m not sure.Howard: What’s going on?centrifugal pump.Sheldon: Oh, wow!Howard: Yes!Leonard: Then she stuck her tongue down my throat.Sheldon: Why?Penny: Okay, we can’t keep explaining everything. Read that book we got you.Leonard: She hit on me.Howard: Wait-wait-wait. Are you telling us that old lady wanted to have sex with you in exchange for giving your department millions of dollars?Leonard: I think so.Howard: You lucky duck.Penny: You’re really a broken toy, aren’t you?Leonard: I was able to get out of there before anything else happened, but she wants to see me again tomorrow night.Sheldon: Excellent! What are you planning to wear?Leonard: What?Sheldon: Penny, you’re an expert on trading sexual favours for material gain, walk him through this.Leonard: Well, n-no, hold on a second, I’m not going to sleep with her.Sheldon: But we need a cryogenic centrifugal pump.Leonard: Well, forget it! It’s not gonna happen.Sheldon: Well, come now, Leonard, this may be your only chance to make a real contribution to science! Leonard: I repeat, not gonna happen.Penny: What was all that about me trading sexual favours for material gain?Sheldon: It was a compliment. I believe in giving credit where credit is due.Scene: The apartment, the following night.Sheldon(on phone): Okay, fine. I’ll tell him. Leonard, Mrs. Latham’s car is here for you.Leonard: I won’t be too late. I’m just gonna make a final pitch for the funding and then say good night.Sheldon: Hold on, I have something for you.Leonard: What’s this?Sheldon: Just a few things you may need tonight. There’s, uh, baby oil, condoms and, uh, a little something I procured from the school of pharmacology. They say it is to Viagra as Viagra is to a green M&M.Leonard: I am not going to have sex with her.Sheldon: Maybe this will overcome your reluctance. I went on the Internet and found a photograph of a 25-year-old Mrs. Latham to get your libido humming. Check out those saddle shoes. Rar!Leonard: Are you insane? I’m not going to prostitute myself just so we can get some new equipment.Sheldon: Oh, come on! Why not?Leonard: Good night, Sheldon.Sheldon: Given how much time you spend engaging in pointless self-abuse, you might consider, just this once, using your genitalia to actually accomplish something!Penny: He still won’t shag the old lady, huh?Sheldon: No. But thank you for asking.Scene: Mrs Latham’s car.Leonard: Hey. Hi.Mrs Latham: Hello, Leonard. I hope you’re hungry.Leonard: I’m very hungry. For food, right?Leonard: No, that’s okay.Mrs Latham: No, it most certainly is not. Leonard, I’m making the donation to your department regardless of what happens between us.Leonard: Really?Mrs Latham: Well, of course. There’s no quid pro quo here. You and your colleagues are doing remarkable research, and you deserve the money.Leonard: Oh. Then what was last night about?Mrs Latham: I took a shot, sue me.Leonard: Oh.Mrs Latham: You’re a very handsome man, Leonard.Leonard: Thank you.Mrs Latham: It was foolish of me to think someone your age might ever be interested in someone like me. Leonard: Oh, don’t say that. You’re a very attractive woman.Mrs Latham: Oh, please.Leonard: No, it’s true.Mrs Latham: Well, aren’t you sweet. Just for the record, you’d remember a night with me for the rest of your life. Leonard: I’m sure I would. But why, why, exactly?Mrs Latham: You’re a very smart man. How do you think I landed such a rich husband?Leonard: I hadn’t really given it much thought.Mrs Latham: Well, think about it.Leonard: Do you mean?Mrs Latham: Yep. I’m that good.Leonard: Oh, what the hell.Scene: The stairwell. Leonard is returning home looking dishevelled.Penny: Good morning, slut.Leonard: What?Penny: Oh, please, I recognize the walk of shame when I see it. All you’re missing is a little smeared mascara and a purse with panties wadded up in it.Sheldon: What’s going on?Leonard: Oh, nothing’s going on. Excuse me.Sheldon: Are you just getting home?Leonard: Yeah.Sheldon: That’s a good sign, right?Penny: Oh, yeah.Sheldon: I’m so proud of you! You sold yourself out like a common streetwalker!Leonard: No, I didn’t do it for the money.Sheldon: She stiffed you?Penny: I believe that’s what your roommate did to her.Sheldon: What?Penny: Again, read the book we gave you.Leonard: No, I mean, I, I, I got the money first.Sheldon: Smart. Get paid up front. Yeah, I think you have a real knack for gigolo work, Leonard.Leonard: Uh, I’m gonna go lie down.Sheldon: That’s a good idea, get your rest. There are a lot more rich old ladies out there, and Daddy needs a new linear accelerator. And I thought he didn’t learn anything from his relationship with you.Penny: Hey!Scene: The cafeteria.Seibert: Ah, there he is! The man of the hour! He took one for the team! Leonard: I didn’t do it for the money!Seibert: Keep telling yourself that, it makes it easier. Trust me, I know. Raj: Cool, buddy! That’s awesome!Howard: How was she?。