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How'd someone get a hold of your credit card number? 怎么会有人知道你的信用卡号码I have no idea. But Look how much they spent. 我也不知道你看他们花了多少钱Monica, would you calm down? 莫妮卡冷静点好吗The credit card people said that 信用卡部员说you only have to pay for the stuff that you bought. 你只须为你买的东西付款I know, it's just such reckless spending. 我知道只是他们花钱如流水I think when someone steals your credit card 我想那小偷偷去你的信用卡时...they've kind of already thrown caution to the wind. 早就忘了要小心谨慎吧Wow, what a geek. They spent $69. 95 on a Wonder Mop. 真是个呆瓜花了69.95元买"神奇拖把"That's me. 我买的Oh, yuck. Ross, he's doing it again. 讨厌罗斯他又这么干了Marcel, stop humping the lamp. 马塞尔别再侵犯那盏灯了Stop humping. Now, Marcel, come back, Come here, Marcel. 别蹭了停下马塞尔过来马塞尔Oh, no. Not in my room. I'll get him. 不别到我房里我去抓他出来Ross. You've got to do something about the humping. 罗斯你得想办法别让他发春了What? It's just a phase. 怎么了这只是暂时的Well, that's what we said about Joey. 我们当时也是这么说乔伊的Would you all relax? It's not that big a deal. 你们冷静点行吗这又没什么大不了- Marcel, stop it. Marcel. Bad monkey. - What? -马塞尔停坏猴子 -又怎么了Let's just say my Curious George doll is no longer curious. 只能说我的"好奇乔治"娃娃不再好奇了Monica, you are not still going over that thing. 莫妮卡你不是还在纠结吧- This woman's living my life. - What? -这女人过着我的生活 -什么She's living my life, and she's doing it better than me. 她过着我的生活而且过得比我好Look at this. Look. She buys tickets to plays I wanna see. 看她买的戏票是我一直想看的戏She, she buys clothes from stores 她买衣服的那家店that I'm intimidated by the sales people. 我一直被售货员冷眼相待She spent $300 on art supplies. 她花了300块买艺术用品You're not an artist. 你又不是艺术家I might be if I had the supplies. 要是有这些我或许已是艺术家了I mean, I could do all this stuff. Only I don't. 我本可以过这样的生活我却没有Oh, Monica, come on. You do cool things. 莫妮卡别泄气你活得很精彩Really? Let's compare, shall we? 真的吗那我们来比一比好吗Oh, it's so late for "shall we." 现在说"好吗"太晚了吧Do I horseback ride in the park? 我到过公园骑马吗- Do I take classes at the New School? - No. -我在新学校上过课吗 -没有This is so unfair! She's got everything I want, 太不公平了她拥有我想要的一切and she doesn't have my mother. 而且她没有我那样的妈How about Joey Paponi? 乔伊·帕波尼如何No, still too ethnic. 不好还是太民族了My agent thinks I should have a name that's more neutral..我的经纪人认为我该取个中立点的名字Joey Switzerland? 乔伊·瑞士如何Joey Switzerland? 瑞士是著名中立国Plus, you know, I think it should be Joe. 还有我觉得自己应该叫乔you know, Joey makes me sound like I'm this big 乔伊让我感觉...像个小不点you know, Joey makes me sound like I'm this big joey有小动物的意思which I'm not. 可我不是Joe, Joe, Joe Stalin? 乔乔乔·斯大林如何Stalin. Stalin. 斯大林斯大林Do I know that name? It sounds familiar. 我听过这名字吗听起来好熟悉Well, it does not ring a bell with me. 反正我没什么印象Joe Stalin. 乔·斯大林You know, that's pretty good. 这名字太霸气了You might wanna try Joseph. 或许你愿意叫约瑟夫Joseph Stalin. 约瑟夫·斯大林Joseph Stalin. 前苏联领导人- I think you'd remember that. - Yes. -这名字多好记 -没错Bye Bye Birdie, starring Joseph Stalin. 《再见小鸟》由约瑟夫·斯大林主演Joseph Stalin is the Fiddler on the Roof. 约瑟夫·斯大林参演《屋顶上的提琴手》Hi. Yes, this is Monica Geller. 嗨对我是莫妮卡·盖勒I believe I'm taking some classes with you, 我记得我有在你们那里上课and I was wondering what they were. 我想知道是哪些课- What are you doing? - All right, great. -你在干什么 -好的太棒了Great. Thanks a lot. I'm going to tap class. 太棒了非常感谢我要去上踢踏舞课What, what, so that you can dance with the woman 怎么你要和偷你信用卡的女人that stole your credit card? 一起跳踢踏吗This woman's got my life. 这女人偷走了我的生活I should get to see who she is. 我得看看她长啥样Go to the post office, I'm sure her picture's up. 去邮局看啊她的照片一定挂在墙上Okay, Monica, you know what, honey, you're kinda losing it here! 莫妮卡你知道吗你有点失控了I mean, this is really becoming like a weird obsession thing. 你现在执着得有点诡异了This is madness, it's madness, I tell you. 这是疯狂我跟你说这叫做疯狂For the love of God, Monica, don't do it. 上帝保佑莫妮卡别这么做Thank you. 谢谢- What do you think? - Lots of things. -你想什么呢 -百感交集- Which one do you think she is? - May I help you? -你认为哪个是她 -有什么能效劳的吗No, thanks. We're just here to observe. 不必了谢谢我们是来参观的You don't observe a dance class. You dance a dance class. 舞蹈课怎么能参观你们要来参与Spare shoes are over there. 那儿有没人穿的舞鞋What does she mean? 什么意思I think she means "You dance a dance class." 我想她是叫我们"参与到舞蹈课中"- Come on, come on, come on. - Really? -来吧来吧来吧 -真的吗Do you see anybody you think could be me? 有看见哪个人像我的分身吗Last time there were yogurt containers lying around after class. 各位上回有人在教室留下空酸奶瓶- Let's not have that happen again. - She could be you. -下不为例 -说不定是她Let's get started. 开始吧Five, six. Five, six, seven, eight. 五六五六七八- Okay, I'm not getting this. - I'm totally getting it. -我毫无头绪 -我完全融入Did you ever feel like sometimes 你可曾觉得you are just so unbelievably uncoordinated? 自己有时候毫无协调感What? You just click when they click. 怎么了他们踢你跟着踢就是了All right, people, now everyone grab a partner. 好了各位每个人找个舞伴All right. And my dead mother says you are it. I'm with Rachel. "我的亡母说就是你" 我跟瑞秋Great, it's gym class all over again. 这下好体育课的旧事又重演了Well that's all right, You can come up to the front and dance with me. 没关系你过来到前面和我一起跳Why don't I just take off my clothes and have a nightmare? 我何不脱下衣服来场恶梦It's okay, it's okay. I'm here, I'm here. 没关系没关系我来了I'm so sorry I'm late. 抱歉我迟到了Okay, here I am. So who's the new tense girl? 我来了这个紧张的新人是谁- She's your partner. - Hi, I'm Monica. -你的舞伴 -嗨我叫莫妮卡Oh, Monica. 莫妮卡啊Hi, I'm Mon 嗨我叫莫...- Nana. - Monana. -...娜娜 -莫娜娜- It's Dutch. - You're kidding. -是荷兰语 -你在开玩笑吧I spent three years in Amsterdam. 我在阿姆斯特丹住了三年Pennsylvania Dutch. 我是德裔宾夕法尼亚州人And we're dancing. Five, six, seven, eight. 开始吧五六七八Hi. 嗨- Hey. Where have you been? - I just got back from the vet. -你上哪儿去了 -我刚从兽医那回来She's not gonna make you wear a big plastic cone, is she? 她没叫你戴那种塑料大圆锥吧She says Marcel's humping thing is not a phase. 她说马塞尔发情不是暂时的Apparently, he's reached sexual maturity. 显然他已性成熟了Hey, he beat you. 哇比你早哎She says, as time goes on, 她说随着时间的推移he's gonna start getting agressive and violent. 他会越来越暴力侵略性越来越强So, what does this mean? 这代表什么I have to give him up. 我们不能再养他了I can't believe it, Ross. This sucks. 我真不敢相信罗斯这太扯了I don't get it, I mean, You just got him. 我不懂你也就刚养他How could he be an adult already? 他怎会突然成熟了I know. One day he's this little thing... 我知道他曾经就是个小不点and before you know it, he's this little thing I can't get off my leg. 不知不觉中这小不点抱住我大腿不撒手Isn't there any way to keep him? 你没什么办法继续养着他吗No. The vet said that unless he's in a place... 没有兽医说除非有个地方...where he has regular access... 让他能通过正常渠道...to some monkey loving... 发展一些猴类之爱... he's just gonna get vicious. 否则他会越来越残暴I just gotta get him into a zoo. 我得将他送到动物园- How do you get a monkey into a zoo? - I know that one. -如何把一只猴送进动物园 -我知道No, that's popes into a Vokswagen. 不那是如何让教皇进入大众汽车We're applying to a lot of them. 我们要多方申请Our first choice would be one of the bigger state zoos. 当然大型州立动物园是首选You know, like San Diego. Right? 比方说圣地亚哥动物园But that may just be a pipe dream. 那可能只是痴人说梦Because you know, he's out-of-state. 因为他都不在州内My vet knows someone at Miami, so that's a possibility. 兽医说她有迈阿密的朋友这是条路But that's two blocks from the beach. It's a total party zoo. 但那离海滩只有两个街区环境太嘈杂- We found her, We found the girl. - What? -我们找到她了找到偷卡女了 -什么Did you call the cops? 你们报警了吗No, we took her to lunch. 没我们和她一起吃了午餐Oh, your own brand of vigilante justice. 用你们的方式给她治了罪Are you insane? This woman stole from you. 你疯了那女人偷了你的东西She stole. She's a stealer. 她偷东西她是个小偷After you're with this woman for like 10 minutes, 和这女人相处十分钟后you forget all that. 你就会把这些全忘了I mean, she's this astounding person with this amazing spirit. 她真是个振奋人心的奇女子Yeah! Which she probably stole from some cheerleader. 是啊指不定从某位啦啦队员那偷来的- Take off their hats. - Popes in a Vokswagen. -脱下他们的帽子 -教皇塞进大众车- Take off their hats. - Popes in a Vokswagen. 笑话:教皇摘下高帽子才能坐进大众车I love that joke. 我喜欢这个笑话No way. No way did you do this. 不可能你绝不会这么做Monana was very brave. 莫娜娜相当勇敢It was so wild. We told them we were the Gundersons in room 615... 太疯狂了我们自称是615房的冈德森姐妹...only to find out the Boston Celtics had the entire six floor.结果波士顿凯尔特人队已包下整个六楼So once they caught on to the fact that we're, 当他们发现我们个子矮矮you know, short and have breasts... 还是女人的那一刻They threw us out. I was thrown out of a hotel. Me. 就把我们撵出来了我居然被撵出饭店哎Go, Monana. 干得好莫娜娜You ladies are not the only ones living the dream. 不光你们过着梦想中的生活I get to go pour coffee for people I don't know. Don't wait up. 我得去给陌生人倒咖啡了不用等我Oh, by the way... 对了...tomorrow we're auditioning for a Broadway show. 明天我们要去参加百老汇的面试- Excuse me? - There's an open call for Cats. -什么 -《猫》剧还有一个缺额I'm thinking we go down there, sing "Memories"... 我想我们可以去唱《回忆》I'm thinking we go down there, sing "Memories"... 剧中名曲...and make complete fools of ourselves. What do you say? 让自己大出洋相你意下如何No, no ,no. Remember who you're dealing with here. 不不不记住你在跟谁说话呢I mean, I'm not like you. 我不像你I can't even stand in front of a tap class. 我连站在踢踏舞教室前排都不敢That's probably because of your Amish background. 那可能是因为你的门诺教派背景- What? - You're Pennsylvania Dutch, right? -什么 -你不是德裔宾夕法尼亚州人吗Right. Till I bought a blow dryer. Then I was shunned. 对直到我买了吹风机就被驱逐了Right. Till I bought a blow dryer. Then I was shunned.门诺教派后人远离科技产品过着农业生活I used to be just like you. 我过去也和你一样And then, one day, I saw a movie that changed my life. 直到有一天我看了部改变我人生的电影Did you ever see Dead Poets Society? 你看过《死亡诗社》吗I thought that movie was so incredibly boring. 我认为这电影实在是太...无聊了I mean, that thing at the end where the kid kills himself 那孩子在电影的结尾自杀了because he can't be in the play? 只因他无法演出话剧What was that? It's like, 这是为了什么不就是"Kid, wait a year. Leave home, "孩子再忍一年离开家do some community theater." 到社区话剧团去"I walked out of there and I thought, 走出电影院时我想"Now that's two hours of my life that I'm never getting back.""花在这部烂片上的两个小时再也回不来了"And that thought scared me 这想法震惊了我more than all the other crap I was afraid to do. 从此便不再惧怕尝试任何事了Wow. Then I would definitely not recommend Mrs. Doubtfire.那我强烈建议你别看《窈窕奶爸》Wow. Then I would definitely not recommend Mrs. Doubtfire.与《死亡诗社》主演同为罗宾·威廉姆斯Oh, God. 上帝We didn't get into Scranton. 我们进不了斯克兰顿了That was, like, our safety zoo. 那是我们保底的动物园They take, like, dogs and cows. 他们连狗和牛都收See, I don't know who this is harder on, me or him. 我真不明白我和他谁更难受一点I'd say that chair's taking the brunt of it. 我想那椅子首当其冲Marcel. Marcel. Marcel, no. 马塞尔马塞尔马塞尔不要Good boy. See? How can nobody want him? 乖宝怎么会没人要他Somebody will. 一定会有人的You know, there already is a Joseph Stalin. 你知道吗早就有人叫乔瑟夫·斯大林了You're kidding. 开什么玩笑Apparently, he was this Russian dictator who slaughtered people.显然他是个嗜血如命的俄国独裁者You'd think you would've known that. 我还以为你考虑得挺周全呢You'd think I would've. 那是你想错了Phoebe. What do you think a good stage name for me would be? 菲比你认为我该取什么艺名登台Flame Boy. 火焰男孩Where exactly is your zoo? 你的动物园具体在哪Well, it's technically not a zoo, per se. 严格而言不算是个动物园It's more of an interactive wildlife experience. 更像是种互动式野外体验- Let me ask you some questions about, is it, uh, Marcel. - Yes. -我想请教你几个关于马塞尔的问题 -好Does he, uh, fight with other animals? 他会和其他动物打架吗No, no. He's very docile. 不会的他非常温驯Even if he were cornered? 就算被逼进角落也不会吗Well, I don't know. Why? 我不知道干嘛这么问How is he at handling small objects? 他掌控小东西的能力如何He can hold a banana, if that's what you mean. 他会拿香蕉如果你是这意思的话What about a hammer or a small blade? 锤子或小刀呢Why would he need a blade? 他为何需要小刀Well, if he's up against a jungle cat or an animal with horns,如果他要对抗的是狸猫或有角的动物...you got to give the little guy something. 你总得给这小家伙武器防身Otherwise, it's just cruel. 否则就太残忍了- He got into San Diego. - What? -他能去圣地亚哥了 -什么We came back from our walk. The phone was ringing.... 我们散步回来听见电话铃响He's in. 他被录取了Did you hear that, Marcel? San Diego. San Diego. 听见没马塞尔圣地亚哥要你了You're making a big mistake here. San Diego's all well and good... 你大错特错了圣地亚哥环境良好没错but if you give him to me, 但如果你把他交给我I'll start him off against a blind rabbit . 我能训练他对抗瞎眼的兔子...and give you 20% of the gate. 而且给你百分之二十门票收入Where the hell've you been? 你到底跑哪儿去了Monica and I just crashed an embassy party. 我和莫妮卡刚混进了大使馆的派对- Are you drunk? - No. -你喝醉了吗 -才没有呢- I'm lying. I am so drunk. - Oh, God. -骗你的我醉醺醺的 -天哪Right, Monica, you know what? You could've called. 莫妮卡你该打电话回来的I have been up here, I've been worried...Monica. 我一直在家里担心你莫妮卡Water rules. 好过瘾Yes. Yes, it does. 没错没错Okay, look, the restaurant called. 餐厅今天又来电话了They wanna know if you're gonna be showing up for work. 他们想知道你还要不要去上班Nope. Going to the Big Apple Circus today. 不我今天要去纽约马戏团Okay Monica, what are you doing? 莫妮卡你在干什么You're gonna lose your job. This is not you. 你会丢了工作的你不是这样的人No, it is me. 不这正是我I'm not just the person who needs to fluff the pillows... 我并不只是那种必须拍松枕头and pay the bills as soon as they come in! 帐单一来立刻去缴款的人You know, when I'm with her, I'm so much more than that. 和她在一起我就超越了那种人I'm Monana. 我是莫娜娜Hello? Yes, she is. Hold on a second please. 喂对她在等等Monana, it's for you. The credit card people. 莫娜娜你的电话信用卡公司打来的Hello. 你好Yes? 是吗Oh, my God. 天呐- Thanks. - What? -谢谢 -怎么啦They've arrested Monica. 他们逮到莫妮卡了How are you? 你好吗Not too bad. Fortunately, blue's my color. 不太糟幸好我喜欢蓝色How did you know I was here? 你怎会知道我在这儿Because I'm Monica Geller. 因为我是莫妮卡·盖勒It was my credit card you were using. 你用的是我的信用卡That I was not expecting. 真是没想到I want you to know, it wasn't me who turned you in. 我想让你知道去报案的人不是我- Thanks. - No, thank you. -谢谢你 -不我要谢谢你You have given me so much. 你教会我太多东西if it wasn't for you, I would never have gotten to sing 如果不是你我永远不可能...... "Memories" on the stage at the Winter Garden Theater. 在冬园剧院的舞台上演唱《回忆》Well, actually, you only got to sing "Memo" 老实说你只开口唱了"回"而已I can't believe you're here. What am I gonna do without you? 我不敢相信你会在这失去你我该怎么办Who's gonna crash the embassy parties with me? 谁陪我混进大使馆的派对Who's gonna take me to the Big Apple Circus? 谁带我去纽约马戏团Monica, I started my day by 莫妮卡我开始新一天的方式peeing in front of 25 other women... 是在25个女人面前尿尿...and you're worried about who'll take you to the Big Apple circus?你却担心没人带你去看纽约马戏团演出Well, not worried, you know, just wondering. 不是担心只是迷惑There's nothing to wonder about, Monica. 没什么好迷惑的莫妮卡You're gonna go back to being exactly who you were, 你继续做你自己because that's who you are. 因为那才是真正的你- Not necessarily. - Yes, necessarily. -没必要吧 -很有必要I don't know what it is. Maybe it's the Amish thing. 我不知道为什么或许因为你是门诺教徒I'm not actually Amish. 我其实不是门诺教徒Really? Then why are you like that? 真的吗那为何你那么怪- You, by the door, in or out? - ln. -门旁边那个加不加入 -加入You in the back. You're getting it all wrong. 后面的你完全跳错了But at least I'm doing it. 至少我在跳This is the final boarding call for Flight 67... 这是飞往圣地亚哥67次航班的最后登机通知... to San Diego boarding at gate 42A. 登机口在42AOkay, goodbye, little monkey guy. All right, I wrote you this poem. 再见小猴子这是我给你写的诗Okay, but don't eat it till you get on the plane. 上飞机后才能吃Thank you, Aunt Phoebe. 谢谢你菲比阿姨Okay, bye, champ. 再见了棒小伙子Now, I know there's gonna be a lot of babes in San Diego, 我知道圣地亚哥那儿美女如云... but remember, there's also a lot to learn. 但记得要学习的还很多I don't know what to say, Ross. It's a monkey. 我不知该说什么罗斯他是只猴子Just say what you feel, Joey. 说出你的感觉就成了乔伊- Marcel, I'm hungry. - That was good. -马塞尔我饿了 -这句不错Marcel, this is for you. 马塞尔这是给你的It's just, you know, something... 你懂的留给你在...to do on the plane. 飞机上无聊时玩If you don't mind, I'd like to take a moment, just me and him. 如果不介意的话我想和他独处一会儿- Oh, sure. Absolutely. - Go ahead. -当然可以 -去吧Marcel, come here. Come here. Come here. 马塞尔过来过来过来Well, buddy... 小家伙...this is it. 就这样了Just a couple of things I wanted to say. 我只想说几句话I'm really gonna miss you. 我会想你的You know, I'm never gonna forget about you. 我永远不会忘记你的You've been more than just a pet to me. 在我心中你不只是一只宠物You've been more like a... Okay. Marcel. 你更是...马塞尔Would you leave my leg alone? 能放开我的腿吗Would you just stop humping me for two seconds? 就不能有一秒钟别乱来吗Marcel! Okay, would you just take him away? Just take him. 马塞尔...带他走好吗带他走吧Oh, that I were a glove upon that hand... 希望我是你手上的手套...that I might touch thy cheek. 这样我就能抚摸你的脸颊- That's fine. Thank you. - Next. -好了谢谢 -下一位I'll be reading for the role of Mercutio. 我来试演"马丘修"角色的- Name? - Holden McGroin. -名字 -侯登·麦克葛罗尼- Name? - Holden McGroin. 谐音holding my groin:握住我那里第一季第二十一集老友记So no one told you life was gonna be this way 没人告诉你生活会是这样your jobs a joke, you're broke, 你滑稽的工作你的差劲your love life's D.O.A. 你半途而废的爱情It's like you're always stuck in second gear, 就像开车卡在二档And it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, 每日每周每月or even your year, but 甚至每年都是如此I'll be there for you, 大雨倾盆时when the rain starts to pour. 我会陪伴你I'll be there for you, 我会陪伴你like I've been there before. 像我以前那样I'll be there for you, 我会陪伴你'cause you're there for me too. 因为你也陪伴着我。
-Okay,Chandler. -Okay. -钱德 -好And your horoscope says: 你的星座运势说："On the 5th,a special someone will give you a gift." 本月5日某个特别的人会送你礼物Well,thank you in advance. 那就先谢了"But the 12th brings a lover's spat." 却会在12日引发口角You're going to make fun of my present. 你要取笑我送你的礼物Why would you do that? 为什么？Wait. "On the 19th, a secret crush announces itself." 19日有人会向你表白-Hey,guys. -Hey. 大家好It's Joey Tribbiani of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. 天哪，是“麦克与吉事”的乔伊崔比亚尼That's right. It's your first day. 也对，你今天开拍Are you psyched to fight crime with your robot sidekick? 高不高兴要和机器人拍档打击假犯罪？Am I? The lead in my own TV series? 我高不高兴有自己的影集？I've dreamed about this for years! 我梦想好多年了Why have I not been preparing? 我为什么都没准备？You're gonna be great. 你一定会演得很棒But I gotta act with a robot. I know nothing about technology. 但我得跟机器人对戏我对科技一窍不通I can't even use Chandler's computer, except to find porn. 我只会用钱德的电脑找色情网站And that's only because it's there when you turn it on. 那还是因为那是首页Our spat will start early this month. 我们本月份的口角会提前发生I'll be waiting. 我等你The One Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad 本集播出：“拜见父亲大人”23 你看封面选书？这样不对喔I'm deciding which one to use. I'm going to write another book. 不是，我想选一本来用我又要写书了Because the last one was such a big seller? 因为上一本很畅销？If you must know, I have written 14 books. 告诉你，我已经写了十四本书And as I'm the only one who has read them... 因为读者只有我一个I can tell you that they have been well received. 我可以告诉你们，反应很热烈But I lost all of them in the fire. 但是火灾把那些书都烧了So this one I'm gonna keep in an asbestos-lined box far away from Rachel.所以这本我要收在防火箱里放得离瑞秋远远的Who I forgive. 我原谅她What are you doing later? 你们等一下有事吗？Rachel and I have to get our hair cut. 瑞秋和我要去剪头发-We do? -I wanna see what he wants. -有吗？ -我想先知道他要干嘛Elizabeth's dad wants to meet me. 我刚得知伊丽莎白她爸想见我Wait a minute. Hold the phone. 等等，且慢You're not Elizabeth's dad? 你不是伊丽莎白的爸爸？That's the only one you get. 你只能亏我这一次And he hates me. 他讨厌我He asked Elizabeth why she'd want to go out with a guy... 他问伊丽莎白为何要跟一个who couldn't get a girl his own age. 不交同年龄女友的男人约会And what did she say to that? 那她怎么说？And that's yours. 你也不能再亏我了Come on. I really want this guy to like me. 拜托啦，我真的想让他喜欢我It would really help if you guys could make me look good. 你们要是能捧我一下就太好了-Of course we'll help. -Thanks. -我们当然会帮忙的啦。
Hi,you guys. 我来了What's the matter? 怎么了？Well,it's just.. It's one of these situations that I just hate. 又是那种很讨厌的状况A massage client gave me three tickets... 有一个客人给我三张票to the Helmut Peltz Exhibit at the Morgan Chase Museum. 去摩根却斯博物馆看展览Now you're thinking you gotta sleep with him. 你觉得你得跟他上床No. No. It's just that he gave me three tickets and there are six of us. 不是，他给我三张票但是我们有六个人-I'll give up my ticket. -Me too. 我弃权我也是Okay. That's so generous. 你们真大方And I think Ross is generous too. 罗斯应该也很大方Great! Then it's just us girls. 太好了，那我们女生自己去-Great. -Yeah. 太好了So what is the exhibit? 是什么展览？It's mostly just photographs... 主要是...of lesbian love scenes interspersed with video games and free sandwiches. 女同志性爱摄影展还可以打电动，吃免费三明治Oh,man! 讨厌啦-Hi. -Hi. 讨厌啦Hey,Ross,listen. 罗斯Chandler got you out of going to the lesbian sandwich museum this weekend. 钱德说你周末不想去女同志三明治博物馆Thanks,but I have plans. Elizabeth and I are going out of town. 谢谢，我有节目了伊丽莎白和我要出城去-That's great! -Yeah. 太好了Think about all the money that you're gonna make. 你可以大赚一笔Why? What? 什么意思？Well,her father pays you for babysitting,right? 是她爸找你去当保姆对吧？That's funny. But maybe it's time to move on. 真好笑，但你们也该有所长进You know,let it go. Stop it! 别再闹了Besides,Rachel's going out with Elizabeth's father... 况且瑞秋在和她爸交往so he's much older than she is. 而他比她大多了Looks like I'm not the only one interested in fossils. 看来不只是我对化石有兴趣All that does is remind us that you're interested in fossils. 这种话只会提醒我们你对化石有兴趣Okay,okay. 好吧Rachel's gonna need to yell sweet nothings in his ear. 瑞秋想和他甜言蜜语可得用吼的-Ross? -Come on! That's funny. 罗斯拜托，这句很好笑啊Because he's gonna.. He's got,like,a hearing aid. 因为他戴助听器，因为…Because he's all old. 因为他很老One second. 失陪一下Okay,look,Ross. 听着，罗斯Just so you know, since Lizzie likes you so much... 因为丽莎很喜欢你I've accepted the fact that you're dating her. 我决定接受你们交往的事Really? That's great. 真的？太好了是啊Yeah,but then I changed my mind. 但后来我又反悔了I'm funny like that. 我就是这么善变So I told Lizzie,now I'm telling you. 我已经告诉她，现在我告诉你I don't want you seeing my daughter anymore. 我不希望你再和我女儿见面Look,I realize it upsets you. 好，我知道你很不高兴Yes,it does. 没错But Elizabeth and I are both adults... 但伊丽莎白和我都是成年人so I don't think there's anything you can do about it. 所以你也莫可奈何I'll tell the university about your relationship and have you fired. 我会告诉学校你们在交往让你被开除Oh,a man with a plan! 有备而来喔The One Where Paul's The Man 本集播出：“大逆转”52 好兴奋喔你的照片又要重回名人墙了He's got all the big actors. 就是啊，这里什么大明星都有It was so cool when I was up there. 之前在墙上时好快乐Me and Jim Belushi would just be cracking up about something. 我经常和吉姆贝路西说笑I get fired off Days of Our Lives and he takes me down. 后来我被“我们的岁月”开除照片被拿下来Now he's just laughing at me. 现在他都嘲笑我Look at him. That smug Belushi bastard! 你看那个自鸣得意的混蛋Okay. Maybe when they put your picture back up... 也许你可以挂在...they could put you by Matt Lauer. 麦特劳尔旁边Look at him just smiling at me. 你看他在对我微笑Yeah,I know. We'd be great together. 我知道，我们会很速配-So I'm back. -Who are you? 我回来了你是谁？Joey Tribbiani. 乔伊崔比亚尼From the wall? 我之前上过墙Okay, maybe this will jog your memory. 也许这样你会想起来Okay,anyway. 总之I'm ready to go back up on the wall. I'm the star of a new TV show. 我可以回墙上了我主演了一出新戏-Show me in the TV book. -It's not on TV yet. 哪一出？指给我看还没上档Well,then it's not on the wall yet. 那你就还不能上墙Okay,fine. I will bring you a tape. 好吧，我拿录影带给你看So,now,do you have any of Matt Lauer's clothes? 你手边有麦特劳尔的衣服吗？Maybe? Just ones that haven't been cleaned yet? 还没洗过的？God. 还没洗过的？I love museums. 我好喜欢来博物馆-Soaking up all the culture. -Yeah. 接受文化熏陶-Where do you want to start? -The gift shop! 要先去哪里？礼品贩卖部-And then lunch. -Yes,but I can't eat too much. 然后去吃饭好，但我不能吃太多Paul's taking me out to dinner tonight. He said he has a big surprise planned.保罗今晚要带我去吃饭他说会有个大惊喜Do you think maybe he's gonna tell you he's gay? 他会不会要说他是同性恋？What? No,why? 什么？为什么？No reason. That would just be a really big surprise,right? 不为什么，那样真的会很惊喜You could put the aisle over here and have the wedding ceremony over here. 红毯可以铺在这边然后在这边证婚I didn't know you could get married here. 原来这里可以结婚This would be a beautiful place to get married. 这里当礼堂的确很美But I wouldn't put the aisle there. And I would never have the ceremony there.但我不会把红毯铺在那边更不会在那边证婚You'd have the ceremony under a beautiful arch. 应该在这个漂亮的拱门下证婚May I help you? 有什么事吗？Sorry. Didn't mean to interrupt. It's just such a beautiful space. 抱歉打断你这里很美-Do you do a lot of weddings? -Yes,we're popular. 经常举办婚礼吗？是的，这里很受欢迎There's a two-year waiting list. Sorry. 预约已经排到2年后，抱歉Monica,you should put your name down for this place. 摩妮卡，你也应该去预约What? Are you crazy? 什么？你疯了吗？I'm not getting married. I'm not even engaged. 我又不结婚，我甚至还没订婚But there's a two-year wait. What if you get engaged in two years? 但反正要等2年要是你2年后订了婚Then you've got to wait another two years? 还得再等2年That's four years. Chandler's not gonna wait that long. 那就4年了钱德才不会等那么久He's gonna find somebody else. 他会去找别人Someone who did put their name on the list. 某个有预约的人It can't hurt to put your name down. 先预约又不会怎样If,in two years, you're not engaged, you just don't use it. 要是2年后没订婚就放弃不用I guess there is no harm in putting my name down. 先预约的确不会怎样I'm gonna do it too. 我也要预约Me too! 我也要-Really? Who would you marry? -I don't have anyone right now. 真的？你要嫁给谁？我不知道，我现在还没有对象Oh,Phoebe. 菲比Don't feel too sorry for me. At least my boyfriend isn't gay. 别为我难过至少我的男朋友不是同性恋Phoebe,that's not.. 菲比，你根本…Don't even get me started on yours. 别逼我批评你家那个-Did you watch the tape of my show? -I did. 你看过录影带了吗？看过了-Let's get me back up there. -You don't go up on the wall. 好，让我回墙上吧不行，你不能上墙-What? But you saw the show. -lt was very offensive to my people. 什么？但你看过我的戏了对，它冒犯了我的同胞Dry cleaners? 干洗店老板吗？Russians. It showed them as terrorists and villains. 俄国人它把他们演成恐怖分子和坏蛋Okay,okay. Look,you got Harrison Ford up there! 好，你看，你有哈里逊福特That's right. Mr. Ford is a very good customer. 没错，福特先生是个好顾客He brings us a lot of clothes. You bring nothing! 他带很多衣服来，你两手空空Okay,that may be true. 或许吧But in Air Force One,okay, the Russians were terrorists and evil! 但在“空军一号”里俄国人是恐怖分子，很邪恶And plus,he kills a bunch of them. That's offensive to Russians. 他还杀了一堆俄国人那样很冒犯你们-I've never seen it. -You should. It's great! 我没看过你应该要看，很赞This place is really beautiful. 这里真的好漂亮I've been coming here since I was a kid. This used to be my grandma's. 对啊，我从小就常来这里以前是我奶奶家The only thing I got from my grandmother was her eyes. 我只遗传了我奶奶的眼睛I mean,not her actual eyeballs. 我不是说她的眼珠子But people say that my eyes look... 大家都说我的眼睛…Do you wanna make out? 要不要亲热？Sure. 好啊Are you okay? 你还好吗？What's wrong? 怎么了？Yeah. I was just thinking about your father. 我只是想到你爸爸Well,whatever works for you. 只要你能兴奋就好No. 不是He just really freaked me out before. 他有点把我吓到了So we have to hide our relationship from one more person. 我们得再多瞒着一个人Big deal. 那又怎样Besides,we've had fun hiding it. 况且我们一直很乐在其中Yeah. 也对-Yeah? -You brought protection,right? 你有准备防护措施吗？Why,are there,like,bears or something? 怎么了？这里有熊吗？Protection. Yeah. No,yeah. That.. That I forgot. 你是说那个，没有，我忘了I can't believe I brought two cans of bug spray and forgot that. 我居然带了两瓶防蚊液却忘了带套子-I'll run to the store and get some. -I'm the guy. I'll get it. 那我去买不，我是男人，我去买-Do you know where the store is? -No. 你知道商店在哪里吗？不知道Do you wanna ride around town on my little pink bicycle? 你想骑粉红脚踏车逛大街吗？A little bit. 有点想I'll be back in 10 minutes. Get in the hot tub and I'll meet you there. 我10分钟后回来你先进浴缸里等我Okay. 好Oh,my God! What a great surprise! This is such a beautiful house! 天哪，好棒的惊喜这栋房子好漂亮Thank you. It used to be my mother's. This is the kitchen. 谢谢，这是我妈的房子这里是厨房-Hey,Chandler. -Hey,Joe. 钱德乔伊Everybody's gotta be doing something. 人总得找事情做You've reached Monica and Chandler's. 这里是摩妮卡和钱德的家If you're listening to this message, we're probably screening. 如果你听到这则留言我们可能在筛选电话Yeah,we are. 就是Hi,this is Hildy from the Morgan Chase Museum. 我是摩根却斯博物馆的海蒂I'm calling for Monica Geller. I wanted to let her know that there was a cancellation.我要找摩妮卡盖勒有人取消预约If she's still interested in having the Bing-Geller wedding in our facility...如果她还想在我们这里办婚礼...it is available.. 现在有空了This is Chandler Bing! This is Chandler Bing! 我是钱德宾，我是钱德宾Yes,the groom. 是的，我是新郞No,not the groom! 不，我不是It's so secluded up here. 这里好幽静I know. That's why I like it here. 我知道，所以我喜欢这里I feel like we're the only two people in the world. 全世界好像只剩我们两个人Sorry. 抱歉What's the matter,honey? 怎么了？-Did you see a little mouse? -No! Big bear! Big bear outside! 你看到老鼠了吗？不是，大熊，外面有大熊I think I.. 你看到老鼠了吗？不是，大熊，外面有大熊-Actually,would you go check on that? -We don't have any bears here.你要不要…要不要去看一下？亲爱的，这里没有熊Well,okay. 好吧Would you get me a Diet Coke? 帮我倒杯健怡可乐好吗-Okay. Be right back. -Okay. 好，我马上回来好-What are you doing here? -What are you doing here? 你在这里干嘛？你又在这里干嘛？-I came with Paul! -Yeah. I recognized the ankles. 我是跟保罗来的我认出他的脚踝了-Where is Elizabeth? -She's at the store. 伊丽莎白呢？她去买东西-You make the girl go to the store? -Do I know where the store is? 你让女生去买东西？我知道商店在哪里吗？Hurry up. Get out. 快出来Here you go,honey. 拿去吧-Thank you! -Diet Coke. 谢谢你健怡可乐Ice. 冰块I need ice. 我要冰块Okay. 好-Thank you. -Be right back. 谢谢你我马上回来Okay. 谢谢你我马上回来You and your ice. 又是冰块这一招Get out! Get out! Go! Come on! 出来，快点No,not in there! Not in there! He's in there! 不行，他在那里面-Did you really hear a bear? -Go! 你真的听到熊叫了吗？进去啦Here you go,honey. 来了One Diet Coke with ice. 一杯加冰的健怡可乐Thank you. 谢谢I am so happy that you're here. 真高兴有你在-Here I am! -Elizabeth! 我回来了伊丽莎白Look! Elizabeth's here! 看，伊丽莎白来了Who were you talking to? 你在跟谁说话？You guys? 你们啊How did you know we were here? 你怎么知道我们在这里？She obviously saw the tire tracks leading up to the closed garage. 她一定是看到往车库的方向有轮胎痕Obviously. 是啊What are you doing here? 你来这里干什么？Did you come up here to work on that term paper or something? 你是来这里赶报告的吗？Yeah. 没错Well,why don't you go in that room and do your homework? 那你去那个房间写吧I wouldn't do it in there. That's my dad's bedroom. 我不会去那个房间写那是我爸的卧房That's your dad's bedroom. 那是你爸的卧房That's your dad's bedroom! 那是你爸的卧房Why are you yelling? 你干嘛这么大声？That Diet Coke,I think, just straight to my head! 这杯健怡可乐让我好highHi,honey. 亲爱的See you later. 待会儿见Wait. I bought groceries. I was gonna make you dinner. 我买了东西要帮你煮晚餐Well,next time,ask! 下次先问我Or at least wait for me to ask! 或等我先开口Hi,this is Hildy from the Morgan Chase Museum. 我是摩根却斯博物馆的海蒂-I'm calling for Monica Geller. -Oh,no. 我要找摩妮卡盖勒完了I wanted to let her know that there was a cancellation. 有人取消预约If she's still interested in having the Bing-Geller wedding in our facility...如果她还想在我们这里办婚礼it is available.... 现在有空了Please. He didn't hear it! 拜托，他没听到，他没听到This is Chandler Bing! This is Chandler Bing! 我是钱德宾，我是钱德宾No! 不！Can I help you? 有什么事吗？Yeah,where's the guy who decides whose pictures go up on the wall? 决定谁能上墙的那个人呢？-He's not here right now. -You're kidding me! 他现在不在不会吧Make sure you tell him that Joey Tribbiani stopped by to drop off all these clothes. 记得告诉他乔伊崔比亚尼带了一堆衣服来I'm an actor. I'm trying to get my picture on the wall. 我是个演员我想让我的照片上墙You know,there are two people who could get your picture up there.其实有两个人能决定这件事Oh,really? 是吗？Well,maybe you and I go out for drinks. 也许我们应该去喝一杯You're the other one,right? 你是另外一个人吧？So,Lizzie, are you planning on staying the night? 丽莎，你今晚要留下来吗？No,no. Believe me, I'm leaving as soon as possible. 不，我要尽快离开Good. Not that we don't want you to stay. Obviously,you're welcome.那好…不是我们不要你留下来How much more homework do you have? 你还有多少功课？I just have one problem left that I do not know how to solve. 只剩一个问题不知道怎么解决Rachel, maybe you wanna come upstairs and help me figure it out?瑞秋，也许你可以上楼来帮我Really? 是吗？Okay. 是吗？Okay,I'll go upstairs... 好，我上楼if you get me something from the car. 你去车上帮我拿东西What do you need from the car? 你要拿什么东西？Surprise me. 给我惊喜啊Okay. 好So you're gonna be in the car! I will be upstairs! 你要去车上，我要去楼上That's where everybody's gonna be! 这就是目前的状况Just relax. Relax,Paul. You're doing great. 放轻松，放轻松你表现得很好She likes you. 她喜欢你I think she likes you. She likes you. 她…她喜欢你You know why? Because you're a neat guy. 为什么？因为你粉赞You are the man. 你是男子汉You are the man! 你是男子汉Still got it. 还是很有料Still sexy. 很性感You're just a love machine. 你是个爱情机器我是个爱情机器我只为你服务，宝贝你是个爱情机器Showtime. 上场了我是个爱情机器，宝贝上场了-Phoebe? -Yeah? 菲比-Have you seen Chandler? -No,why? 你有见到钱德吗？没有，怎么了？The museum called and said that there was a cancellation... 博物馆那个女人打来说有人取消预约and that we could move up our wedding. And Chandler heard. 我们可以提前举行婚礼结果钱德听见了I know. How bad is this? 就是啊，你觉得有多严重？Well,with a regular guy, it's bad. With Chandler, oh, dear God! 对一般男人来说很严重但是对钱德…我的天哪I know! And he totally freaked out. I can't find him anywhere! 我知道，他被吓到了我到处都找不到他-What are you gonna do? -I'm never going to listen to you again. 你要怎么办？反正我再也不听你的话了"What harm can it do if you put your name down?" “先预约又不会怎样”-Rachel said that. -Well,Rachel's not here! 那是瑞秋说的瑞秋不在这里You really think she put your picture up already? 她真的已经把你挂上去了？Did she put my picture up? 这是什么话？You kidding, after the date we had? 那次约会之后I wouldn't be surprised if she put 10 of my pictures up there. 她就算挂十张我都不会惊讶Except for the fact that I only gave her one. I don't know where she'd get the other nine.只不过我只给了她一张不知道她要去哪里再弄九张Here it is! 在这里Joey,why did you sign it "son of a bitch"? 乔伊，你为什么要签“混蛋”-I didn't do that. Who would do that? -Son of a bitch! 我没有啊，这是谁干的？Okay. Maybe ask this guy. 混蛋问他好了-You! Get out of my shop! -What did he do? 你，滚出我的店他做了什么？-He went out with my wife! -Joey! 他跟我老婆约会乔伊I did not go out with your wife! Okay? 我没有跟你老婆约会，好吗？I went out with her. 我是跟她约会That's my wife! 她就是我老婆I'm not pointing at her,no. I'm pointing at her. 我指的不是她，我指的是她"Zelda McMurray." 赛妲麦默瑞Who the hell..? How did she get up there?! 谁啊？她凭什么上墙？Get out! 谁啊？她凭什么上墙？-Well,we should go. -Yeah. 我们还是走好了Ross? 罗斯？罗斯？Elizabeth! 伊丽莎白Okay. I'm gonna go out this window. 好，我从窗户爬出去I'll meet you at the front door. Tell them you're going home. 我们前门见，你就说你要回家-Okay. -Wait! No,don't go in there! 好等等，别进去Don't go in there! I need another soda! 别进去！我还要喝汽水Ross! 罗斯Oh,my God,Ross! What in heaven's name are you doing here? 天哪，罗斯，你在这里干什么And that is why we cannot see each other anymore. 所以我们不能再见面了Ross, you and I are gonna have to have a little talk. 罗斯，我们得好好谈一谈-Daddy, I.. -You're next! 爸接着就是你Okay. I didn't know he was here. 好，我不知道他有来Let me just see if I got this straight. 让我把话问清楚I tell you to stay away from my daughter or I'll have you fired. 我叫你离我女儿远一点否则就让你被开除What you heard was: "Take my daughter... 结果你听到的是come up to my country house and ruin my weekend with Rachel." “带我女儿到我乡下的别墅” “破坏我和瑞秋的周末”-Please,Paul. Just let me explain. -No! Let me explain! Fired! -拜托，你听我说 -不，你听我说：开除Okay,fine. Fine. Have me fired. 好，开除就开除But I want you to know... 我只想你知道that you and I are not all that different. I mean... 我们也没那么不同I,too,am a "neat guy." 我也粉赞What? 什么？And I,too... 我也是...am "just a love machine." 爱情机器-Let me show you the guest room. -Okay. 我带你去客房I'm so sorry. Please stop freaking out. 对不起，你别再害怕了I'm not freaking out. 我没有害怕啊Why would I? A woman named Hildy called and said we were getting married. 我干嘛害怕？有个叫海蒂的说我们要结婚了But that happens every day. 但这是常有的事Honey,we were at this beautiful place... 亲爱的，那个地方很漂亮and I just put our names down for fun. 我只是预约好玩的-I mean,what's the harm in that? -Right here. -会怎样吗 -会这样Please don't think I was trying to pressure you. 钱德，你千万别以为我想逼婚-Phoebe and Rachel thought.. -Phoebe and Rachel? 菲比和瑞秋觉得… 菲比和瑞秋So the people that knew about our wedding before me were you...所以比我早知道我们要结婚的有你...Phoebe and Rachel, Hildy, and some band called the Starlight Magic Seven... 菲比和瑞秋海蒂和一个叫星光魔力的乐团who are available, by the way. 对了，他们也有空It was a mistake. 我错了Please don't take this to mean anything, because it doesn't. 我完全没有那个意思Okay. 好吧Really? 真的？Yes. If it really doesn't mean anything, because you know I'm not ready.如果你真的没有那个意思你知道我还没准备好I know. 我知道I know. 我知道Okay. 好All right. 好I'm gonna go tell Joey that you're back. 我去告诉乔伊你回来了We were really worried about you. 我们刚才好担心And that guy that never delivered his burrito? 不是有个人叫了卷饼没送来？He thought there was some sort of connection. 他以为跟那件事有关Did she buy it? 她相信了吗？Totally. 相信了-So did Hildy show you the place? -Yeah. It's beautiful. 海蒂有带你参观吗？有，那里好漂亮I can't believe you're gonna ask Monica to marry you. 你居然要跟摩妮卡求婚了I know. 就是啊-Hey,Gunther. -Take these cappuccinos to table 11. 阿甘把这些卡布奇诺端到11桌And that guy wants some biscotti. 那个男的要意大利脆棒I just actually came in for a cup of coffee. 我只是要外带一杯咖啡Do you still work here? 你还在这里打工吗？No. I quit a long time ago. 没有，我早就不做了Did I forget to tell you that? I'm sorry. 我没有告诉你吗？抱歉-Cool. I was gonna fire you anyway. -Great! 反正我也打算开除你太好了。
601 The One After Vegas[Scene: The Wedding Chapel, continued from last season. Chandler and Monica are about to get married.]Chandler:Okay! (Stands up) This is it! (Claps his hands) We're gonna get married!Monica: Are you sure you wanna do this?(Suddenly the doors burst open, and ROSS AND RACHEL COME OUT ARM-IN-ARM!!!!! And Rachel's carrying a bouquet!!! THEY GOT MARRIED!!!!)Ross: Well, hello, Mrs. Ross! (Throws some rice.)Rachel: Well, hello, Mr. Rachel! (Throws some more rice.)(They storm out into the street.)Rachel: Wait! (Gets her bearings) Okay!(She goes one way; he goes the other. The camera pans back to Chandler and Monica, and needless to say, they're standing there dumbstruck.) Monica: Whoa!Chandler: Oh my God!Joey: (entering with Phoebe) Come on Pheebs! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!Phoebe: Okay! Okay! Okay! (They run into the chapel.)(Chandler and Monica are stunned again.)Chandler: Oh my God!! Is everybody getting married?!!(Phoebe and Joey run back out and head towards the street.) Attendant: (scolding them) N-No running in the chapel!Phoebe:(to her) Hey! Don’t you give me any of your—Hey! (Sees Chandler and Monica standing there.)Chandler: Hey!Joey: Hey!Monica: What are you guys doing here?Joey: Ross and Rachel left us a message saying they were getting married! Isn’t that why you guys are here?Chandler: Yes! Well that-yes.Monica: Why else would we be here?Joey: Well! What happened?! Did we miss it?Chandler: We actually missed it.Phoebe:Well, maybe you wouldn’t have had y ou (turns to the attendant) run in the chapel!Monica: This is insane!Phoebe:What’s the big deal, y’know? It’s not like it’s a real marriage.Chandler: What?!Phoebe:Yeah, if you get married in Vegas, you’re only married in Vegas.Monica:What are you talking about? If you get married in Vegas you’re married everywhere.Phoebe: (shocked) Really?! 601 离开拉斯维加斯Okay! 就这么着! 我们要结婚了!你确定你愿意吗?Well.你好,Ross太太!Well,你好,Rachel先生!等等! Okay!Whoa!Oh my God!快点Pheebs! 快! 快! 快! 快!Okay! Okay! Okay!Oh my God!! 所有人都要结婚吗?!!不要在教堂里跑!Hey! 别给我讲你们那些... Hey!Hey!你们来这干吗?Ross和Rachel留了口信说，他们要结婚!你们不是为这事来吗?是的! 那-是的.还会有别的原因吗?Well! 都发生什么了?! 我们错过了吗? 实际上我们也错过了.Well, 如果能在教堂里跑的话就不会了! 这也太疯狂了!没什么大不了的, y'know?这也不算真正结婚.什么?!Yeah, 要是你在Vegas结婚,你就只是在Vegas时算已婚.你说什么呢?要是你在Vegas结婚你在哪都是已婚.真的?!当然!Ohhh!我们怎么会在一张床上?不知道. 你-你身上有衣服吗?有.真的?!没!但我们没做爱, 是吗?我是说, 昨晚的事我记不清了,简直就是模糊一片.Oh! 我记得笑! 我可笑的够多的.我们也没做爱.Ohh, 我们醉得可以.Monica: Yeah!Phoebe: Oh my God!—Eh! Well…Opening Credits{Transciber’s note: In case you haven’t heard, Courteney Cox got married to David Arquette during hiatus and changed her name to Courteney Cox Arquette. But David was a busy boy during the off season for not only did he marry but everyone else as well. For they’re all listed as Jennifer Aniston Arquette, Lisa Kudrow Arquette, in an interesting twist Matt LeBlanc Arquette, Matthew Perry Arquette, David Schwimmer Arquette, and even the creators of the show are now David Crane Arquette and Marta Kauffman Arquette. I just wonder what the new sleeping arrangements are…}[Scene: Rachel’s hotel room, she’s waki ng up with a horrendous hangover.]Rachel: Ohhh! (Looks in the mirror and sees that she still has her mustache and groans.)(Suddenly, there’s movement beside her, startling her. It’s Ross! He wakes up and they both start screaming in terror. Then they both grab their heads having aggravated their hangovers.)Ross: Why are we in bed together?Rachel:I don’t know. Do-do you have any clothes on?Ross: (checks) Yeah.Rachel: Really?!Ross: No! But we-we didn’t have…sex-uh, did we? I mean, I don’t remember much about last night, it was such a blur.Rachel: Oh! I remember laughing! I laughed a lot.Ross:And we didn’t have sex.(Rachel agrees with him and starts to get out of bed.)Rachel:Ohh, I mean, we were really drunk. I’m just glad we didn’t do anything stupid.Ross: (getting up) Tell me about it. (He sits up on the edge of the bed and has "Just Married" written on his back.)[Scene: The breakfast buffet, P hoebe is already sitting at the table as Joey enters.]Joey:Mornin’ Pheebs. (Sits down.) Well, my m ovie has officially been canceled.Phoebe:Oh Joey, I’m so sorry. You want some of my breakfast? Joey:Nah, I’m too depressed to eat. I’ll probably eat in like 5 minutes. So I guess I’ll just fly home with you guys, what time’s your flight?Phoebe: What about my cab?Joey:I don’t need that anymore.Phoebe: No, Joey! You borrowed my cab; you have to drive it back. Joey:I don’t want to drive all the way back by myself, I get so lonely. (Gets an idea.) Oh—ooh! How about you come with me?Phoebe:I don’t know, it’s such a long trip.Joey:It’ll be great! We-we could talk, and play games! Huh? This could be our chance to like renew our friendship. 但很庆幸我们没做什么蠢事.那还用说.早啊Pheebs.Well, 我的电影正式取消了.Oh Joey, 我很抱歉.你要吃我的早餐吗?不了, 我太沮丧了，吃不下去.我大概得5分钟后才吃得下.我想我能跟你们一起飞回去了,你的航班是几点?我的出租车怎么办?我不需要了.不行, Joey! 你借了我的车,就得把它开回去.我可不想自己开车回去,会很孤单的.Oh?ooh! 你跟我一起怎么样?我不知道, 路可够远的.会很棒的! 我们可以聊天, 玩游戏! Huh? 这可是咱俩更新友情的好机会.你想让我来一次友谊复兴?是的?好吧. 尽管我不认为这有必要,我一直都很爱你.Hi!Hey.So, 谁跟Geller博士夫妇说过话了吗? Um-hmm, yeah. 他们给我留了口信,他们应该来了.招待呢?! 我饿死了!这是自助餐 man.Oh, 我就在这上把我的钱都找回来!听着, 我得和你谈谈.好! 怎么了?Monica和我昨晚差点结婚了.Oh my God! 这是大事!等等, 我怎么没被邀请?谁是你的伴郎? 别说, "Ross." 不要说, "Ross."Look, 我认为Monica还不到时候!Y’know? 我是说，我爱她但看见Ross和Rachel从教堂里出来，就像, 就像个醒钟，告诉我Monica和我进展得过快了. Y’know?我怎么才能告诉她，还使她不受打击? Oh! 告诉她，她不是结婚的料.什么?!姑娘们总这么说我! 相信我,Chandler:Yes, we don’t get married unless there’s a sign! Okay, so say uh, say you roll another eight (motions to the craps table) then there’s a definite sign that we should get married. Monica: All right, eight we get married, but 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 9, 10, 11, 12 we don’t get married.Chandler: Sounds great.Monica: Okay. (They approach the craps table.)Croupler: Coming in, we got a shooter! Money please.Monica: Ready?Chandler: Ready!Monica: (sarcastic) Come on eight.Chandler: (deadpan) Yes, yes eight.(Monica rolls the dice.)Croupler: Eight! Easy eight. (She rolls a 3 and a 5 and they’re stunned.)Monica:Wow! I can’t believe I actually rolled an eight. Chandler: That was so unlikely. Well, let’s get married! I guess. Monica:Wait a minute. That wasn’t a hard eight! Last night I rolled a hard eight.Chandler:That’s right! It was the wrong kind of eight, no wedding! Damnit!Monica: I wanted it so bad! (Pause) Wanna go pack?Chandler:Yeah. (They go pack.) We’re doing the right thing, right? Monica: Ohh, of course we are! (They walk up to the elevators.) We left it up to fate. (Pushes the elevator button.) If we were supposed to get married there would be a clear-cut sign. (The elevator door opens to a priest reading from a bible with Chandler and Monica standing side-by-side holding each other’s hands.)[Scene: Phoebe’s cab, Phoebe and Joey are driving back. Phoebe is driving while Joey is sleeping.]Phoebe: Okay, you have 19 questions left. Use them wisely. (Joey groans.) Come on Joey! You can’t win if you don’t ask any (sees that he’s asleep) QUESTIONS!!!Joey: (wakes up) What?!Phoebe:Well, you promised me a fun road trip! We’ve been on the road six hours and you’ve been asleep for five and a half! We are switching at the next rest stop and you are going to drive all the way back! That will be your punishment, you greedy sleeper!Joey: All right. All right.Phoebe: Yeah! And until then you are going to sing to me because the radio’s broken and you are selfish but have a nice voice.Joey:Really? I don’t…Phoebe: Sing!!Joey:(starts singing) I wanna rock and roll all night! (Falls asleep.) [Time lapse, Phoebe is asleep, Joey’s driving and having a hard time staying awake.]Joey: (to himself) Man, this is a long drive! Are my eyes open? No! (He opens his eyes and sees a hitchhiker.) 什么?!Well, 你许诺了旅途会有意思!我们开了 6 个点了你却睡了5个半点!下个休息站换你开车你得开完剩下的路!这是对你的惩罚, 你这个贪睡虫!好吧. 好吧.Yeah! 还有到站之前你得唱歌给我听因为收音机坏了，你虽自私却有副好嗓子.真的吗? 我没有..唱!!我想狂舞一整夜!'Man, 路可够长的! 我眼睛睁着呢吗? 没有!'早!Hey!Hey, 老公!实际上um, 我想跟你谈谈关于废除注册的事?Uh-huh.我不要做.Okay! 那, 我们就保持结婚状态.对, 正确!我还会让别人叫我Geller夫人!Wow! 这真是奇妙.我uh, 我还想可能得劝你一阵呢. Okay,我现在害怕了，因为我不认为你在说笑.我没有开玩笑. 我, 我不能有三次失败的婚姻.不能. Okay? 我不要做那种人!什么，那我们就这么结婚到永远?! Okay, 这能对你有什么影响? 说真的? 你就是偶尔填些表，看信箱时不再是称呼女士而是夫人! 都差不多嘛! Ohh, okay, 对不起. 你对. 你知道吗? 我们当然能保持已婚,因为我没注意，我们的信箱分隔两地呢. 好吧, 请你, 用一点时间想想你到底在求我干什么.我在求你帮忙.你在求我做你的妻子!作为妻子，我想你该帮这个忙.飞机上那小子踢得我不轻.Well 你确实拽他头发了.他拿了我的点心![Time lapse, Phoebe is still asleep only Joey is now passed out next to her and the car’s still moving. She wakes up, sees Joey, and screams.]Hitchhiker: (driving) Morning! (Phoebe screams again.)[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is on the couch as Ross enters.] Ross: Hey!Rachel: Hey, hubby!Ross:Yeah. Yeah, actually um, I wanted to talk to you about that whole annulment thing?Rachel: Uh-huh.Ross:I’m not going to do that. (Rachel glares at him.) Commercial Break[Scene: Central Perk, continued from earlier. Rachel starts laughing.]Rachel:Okay! So, we’ll just stay married.Ross: Yes, exactly!Rachel: And I will make everyone call me Mrs. Geller!Ross:Wow! This is so amazing. I uh, I really thought I’d have to talk you into this more.Rachel:Okay, see now I’m scared because I don’t actually think you’re kidding.Ross:I’m-I’m not kidding. Look I-I, I can’t have three failed marriages. I can’t. Okay? I-I am not gonna be that guy!Rachel: What-wh-what so we’ll just stay married forever?!Ross: Okay, look, how is this gonna affect you? Really? I mean you fill some form out once and a while and instead of checking the box that says Ms you check the box that says Mrs.! It’s right next to it!Rachel:Ohh, okay, I’m sorry. You’re right. Y’know what? We absolutely can stay married, because I was under the impression that the boxes were far away from each other. All right, look, just please, take a moment here and think about what you’re asking of me. Ross:I’m asking you to do me a favor.{Note: Does anyone else want to smack Ross right about now? Raise your hands. Okay, put them down before you stink out the person next to you.}Rachel: You are asking me to be your wife!Ross: And as my wife I think you should grant me this favor. [Scene: The hallway, Chandler is helping Monica to the door.] Monica: That kid really kicked me hard on the plane.Chandler: Well you did pull his hair.Monica: He took my snack!Chandler:I’m not getting into this again!Monica:Okay! Oh God, y’know what? It’s really bad.Chandler: Well, I told you not to walk. Here. (Picks her up.) There. Okay. (He opens the door, carries her across the threshold, stops, backs out, and lets go of Monica who is only holding on by his neck.) Monica:This doesn’t mean anything, does it?我不想再争论一次了!Okay! Oh God, 你知道吗? 情况真的不好.Well, 我说了你不要走路.来，来. Okay.这不代表什么, 对吗?不代表!Okay.你怎么让人随便搭车?! 他可能是个强奸犯,强奸犯或者杀人犯什么的!你想我能不在他上车前问清楚吗?!你知道? 我不要跟你说话! 你睡觉去吧! 你, 你是强奸犯吗?!不是!你喜欢汽车游戏吗?喜欢, 你知道车牌游戏吗?我爱车牌游戏!Ooh, 我要玩! 我要玩!不-不! 你需要睡觉. 晚安! Shh!Hey!Hey!听着, 我知道你想谈谈,但我有个主意让你想结婚.我们注册, 你得到所有礼物!不! Ross, 拜托了! 不! 听着,我想了很久怎样告诉你，归根结底, Ross, 我们不能就这样结婚.我不知道这是否正确.Oh 但-这是正确的!Oh, okay, 你知道这是什么?这是另一种观点.而当这发生在婚姻中...Oh Ross, 得了! 这不是, 这不是婚姻!! 这是最糟糕的宿醉反应!Ross, 如果你不去废除, 我会的!好吧. 好吧, 我去.谢谢. Hey-hey umm, uh, 你说,有没有废除注册前的庆祝会?（有礼物收）等等! 这就是那个火车站!我就在这下. Well, 我有你的地址和电话.我有你的名字，还有就是你是个漂流者, 所以（约会）主动权在你手上.好吧, 再会Pheebs.拜托Pheebs! 我受不了了!跟我说话吧! 让我弥补过失. Huh? Ground control to Major Tom.Chandler: No!Monica: Okay.[Scene: Phoebe’s cab, she’s driving, Joey’s in the back seat, and the hitchhiker is riding up front with Phoebe.]Phoebe: (To Joey) How could you pick up a hitchhiker?! He could be a rape—(She holds her hand in front of the hitchhiker’s face), a rapist or a killer or something!Joey:Don’t you think I asked him that before he got in?! Phoebe:Y’know what? I’m not talking to you! You go back to sleep! (To the hitchhiker) And you, are you a rapist?!Hitchhiker: No!Phoebe: Do you like car games?Hitchhiker: Y eah, y’know the license plate game?Phoebe: I love the license plate game!Joey:Ooh, I’ll play! I’ll play!Phoebe:No-No! You need your sleep. Night-night! Shh! (She closes the partition.)[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is entering.]Ross: Hey!Rachel: Hey!Ross:Listen, I know you wanted to talk to me, but I have an idea that may make you want to stay married. (Rachel shakes her head.) We register, and you get to keep all the presents!Rachel:(thinks about it for a second) No! Ross, come on! No! Listen, look I thought a lot about how to tell you this and the bottom line, Ross, is we can not stay married.Ross:I don’t know if it’s true.Rachel: Oh b-b-but it is!Ross:Oh, okay, y’know what this is? This is a difference of opinion. And when that happens in a marriage...Rachel: Oh Ross, come on! This is not, this is not a marriage!! This is the world’s worst hangover! Ross, listen, if you do not get this annulment, I will!Ross:All right. All right, I’ll do it.Rachel: Thank you. (He goes to leave.) Hey-hey umm, uh, is there, is there any such thing as an annulment shower?(Ross turns and leaves.)[Scene: Phoebe’s cab, it’s the same arrangement as before.] Hitchhiker: Wait! Wait! There is the train station!Phoebe: Oh, okay.Hitchhiker: This is where I get off. Well, I have your address and phone number.Phoebe:And I have your name and the fact that you’re a drifter, so the ball’s pretty much in your court.Hitchhiker: All right, see ya Pheebs. (Gets out and Phoebe drives away.)Joey: Come on Pheebs! I can’t take this anymore! Let-let me make it up to you. Huh? (Starts singing.) Ground control to Major Tom. Commencing countdown, engines o n. Take your protein pills and put your helmet on!打住! 打住! 这不公平!你知道我不能抗拒这么美的嗓音! Pheebs, 对不起!我知道我许诺一个愉快的旅途我却没履行.但我现在知道了你认为保持清醒对友谊很重要!那我就力求一直清醒，只要我还认识你. 你还是能在晚上睡觉的.Well, 谢谢. 那, 我们能玩20个问题了吗?我有个好问题!我从到堪萨斯时就开始想这个问题.Okay. 是种热三文治吗?对.是‘肉团潜水艇三文治’?难以置信! 你太棒了!Huh, 有意思. 你们看起来像要成为.. 不, 别说出来! 也不许想!好吧. Okay Chandler, 享受你的这个麻烦鬼吧.好吧, 我们是不是, 就结婚算了?我们是不是应该就结了?所有征兆都在告诉我们去结婚.我受不了征兆了! 这太快了,现在这样，我就挺幸福的!我也是!我不想改变! 你呢?不想!那好了, 什么都不变! 一切都很好!就保持原状! 你去整理行李吧因为皮箱都在那放三天了，我快被逼疯了!Jeez, 放松点! 又不是让我们结...ah-ah!!我在想, 要是我uh, 在这整理行李怎么样?那你的东西就都在这边了.Well, 要是我的东西都放在这呢?那你就得来回跑了,我是说这根本没意义.Okay. 我们住一起怎么样，你明白我在说什么吗?一起住?这可没什么征兆.Commencing countdown, engines on. Take your protein pills and put your helmet on!Phoebe:Stop it! Stop it no! That’s not fair! Y’know I can’t resis t that beautiful voice!Joey: Pheebs, I am so sorry! I know I promised you a fun road trip with your friend and I didn’t deliver. But-but-but now I know that you think being awake is an important part of friendship! So, so, so I will strive to-to stay awake for as long as I know you. Phoebe: You can still sleep at night and stuff.Joey:Well, thank you. So, can we play 20 Questions now? I’ve got a really good one! I’ve been thinking about it since Kansas. Phoebe: Okay. Is it a kind of hot sandwich?Joey: Yes.Phoebe: Is it a meatball sub?Joey: That is incredible! You are the master![Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica are there and Rachel is arranging a bouquet of flowers, pricks her finger on a thorn, throws the bouquet over her head, and those you who are quicker than some already know that Monica is the one who catches it.]Rachel:Huh, that’s funny. You look like you’re gonna be the…Monica:No, don’t say it! Don’t even think it!Rachel: All right. Okay Chandler, enjoy your handful. (Exits.) Chandler: All right, should we just, should we just get married? Y’know? I mean should we just do it? All the signs are telling us to do it.Monica:I’m sick of the signs! It’s too fast, I’m happy the way things are!Chandler: Me too!Monica:I don’t want things to change! Do you?Chandler: No!Monica: All right then, then nothing changes! Everything is great! Everything stays the same! And you go unpack because it’s been three days and it’s driving me insane!Chandler:Jeez, relax! It’s not like we’re mar-ah-ah!! (Runs out.) Chandler:(entering, slowly) Y’know I was thinking, what if I uh, unpack here?Monica: Then all your stuff would be here.Chandler: Well, what if all my stuff was here?Monica:Then you’d be going back and forth all the time, I mean it doesn’t make any sense.Chandler:Okay. What if we lived together and you understand what I’m saying?Monica: Live together? There have been no signs for that. Chandler: Me asking is kind of a sign.Monica: YES!!!!!!!!Chandler: Okay!!!!!(And the crowd goes wild! Well, at least the live studio audience.) Monica: Yes! Okay! Okay! Wait-wait-wait! 我问也算是征兆吧.好!!!!!!!!Okay!!!!!好的! Okay! Okay! 等等!Okay.这是给你的钥匙Oh 谢谢.给你钥匙. 好吧, 你得给它洗礼一下! 现在, 出去然后再进来!这门可五年没锁了, 但没关系!准备好了?!是的!Okay, 小问题.钥匙折在孔里了，我进不去了!等等! Oh my God! 我出不去了!这可不是征兆!不, 不是征兆! 这钥匙太旧了!这钥匙太旧了!Oh my G od 旧的!I love you!I love you!你现在拥抱门呢吗.没有.Yeah-yeah, 我也没.Hey!Hey, 注册废除的顺利吗?Oh,是, 没问题. 都处理好了.Ross, 谢谢. Hey, 你们想去看电影吗? Oh yeah, 干吗不?Pheebs?不谢谢, 我看过一场了.Okay, umm, 我去拿件上衣.Okay.你uh, 你想听点奇怪的事吗?一直都想.我没废除注册.什么?!我们还是夫妻! 别告诉Rachel.回见.献给真正新婚的 Courteney 和 David. 你干吗呢?钥匙堵在锁里了.我能修. 等会.让地儿. 让地儿.还是不行啊.还没完事呢.Oh.干得好Joe! 你可真像个锁匠.(Joey goes back into the apartment, runs back into the hallway, throws his shoulder against the door, and knocks it down off it’s hinges.) Chandler:Nice job Joe! You’re quite the craftsmen.(Joey pats him on the stomach and heads to bed.)End。
Check it out,this is unbelievable!Joey's been holding his breath for almost four minutes. You trying to kill me?-I want to ask you something. -What?Since I'm moving out, and you're so beautiful...how about I move in with you?That would be great, but what do we do about Denise?-Who's Denise? -My roommate.Your roommate?Yes,Denise. Denise!What is with the secrecy,Phoebe?What about Denise? She cute?How can you have a roommate that we don't know about? Because you never listen to what I say.I talk about her all the time. Denise!I'm gonna have an extra room over at my place.-That's true. -Move in with me.We can stay up late talking, and watch movies.You know about naked Thursdays, right?Yeah,yeah. I think I'll find my own place.Hey! I thought naked Thursdays was just our thing,man. The One With Ross' Denial23Oh,that.She took it really well.-You didn't tell her,did you? -No.Because you're in love with her.I am not in love with her. She was upset about having to move out. If she knew we were still married, she'd have been more upset.So I comforted her. As a friend.You "comforted her"?Nothing. I just gave her a hug.A classic sign of love, the hug.It's also a sign of friendship.Not in your case, "Lovey Loverson."It was a hug. Okay?A simple hug.I was a friend being a friend to a friend.Use the word "friend" more.Did you,or did you not, smell her hair?Smell her hair?What if I did?Ninety percent of a woman's pheromones come out of her head. That's why women are shorter.So that men will fall in love when they hug them.Come on,Ross, you're a scientist.I was hugging her as a friend.It's not my fault her hair got in my face.She's got a lot of it, and it smells all... all...coconutty.What? It doesn't mean I have feelings for Rachel.Maybe it means I have feelings for coconuts.Okay,but be careful. Rachel's not in the same place you are.If the place you're referring to is being in love...she is in the same place as me, because I am not in that place.I didn't understand that.Maybe that's because you were speaking the secret language of love. -A guy just called for you. -Who was it?I don't know. How about "Thanks for taking the message"?When you move in...Rachel's room will be empty. Let's talk about what to do with it.I think we should have a beautiful guest room...with a mahogany sleigh bed and bedside tables with fresh flowers. And comment cards so people could tell us how great their stay was.I really haven't thought about it that much.Well,I like that idea... obviously.I was thinking maybe... maybe it could be a game room.You can buy old arcade games, like Space lnvaders and Asteroids... for $200. The real ones. The big,big,big ones!No.You mean "No" as in:"What an interesting idea. Let's discuss it before we reject it."I'm sorry.Interesting idea. But no.So that's it?I just don't think arcade games go in a beautiful guest room...filled with antiques.Which is why Asteroids is perfect. It's the oldest game.What's wrong with a beautiful guest room?I'm not against it.Especially since everybody we know lives about 30 seconds away. Are you mocking me?No,I'm not mocking you or your beautiful guest room.怎么了？Monica and l had a stupid fight.You're still moving in together, right? My ad came out today. "Wanted: Female roommate, nonsmoker,nonugly."Nice.I figured it'd be more interesting to have a female roommate. Someone I could learn from. Someone who's different than me. And what's more different than me, a guy who's not 19...than a girl who is 19?Not just a hatrack,my friend.Phoebe,I have to ask you..I'm swamped right now.You're just staring into space.I'm trying to move that pencil.-This one? -lt worked!Phoebe,this whole apartment thing is a nightmare.Anything I can afford comes with a roommate who is a freak. Look. "Wanted: Female roommate, nonsmoker,nonugly."That's probably some 12-year-old kid trying to get girls to call. There's nothing. This city is full.Wait! Look at this!"Two bedroom,two bath. Must be nonsmoker. Satan worshipers okay." Yeah,but it's on the ground floor.-Rach,you still looking for a place? -Yeah,why?This guy,Warren,from the museum is going on a dig for two years.He's got this great place he needs to sublet. You interested?Great! I'd love to live at Warren's. I love Warren!Oh,wait. Is he the guy that asked you for naked pictures of me?That doesn't matter, he won't be there!-Thank you! -Don't thank me.Thank the volcano that erupted thousands of years ago...killing, but perfectly preserving, an entire civilization.Here's Warren's number.This is great. I'm gonna call him right now! Thank you!Okay, you go call him.I saw it.What are you talking about?I'm talking about what you already know but won't admit.You love her again. You re-love her.I do not re-love her.I can't believe you won't just admit it.Promise me you won't do anything stupid.We're just friends now. Why would I do anything stupid?The apartment is already subletted.It's hopeless. I'll never find anything.Live with me.-What? -What?!What?Are you serious?I would love to live with you. That's great. Thank you.I'm just glad I could help you out.Wow,I'm so happy for you guys. This is so, so, not stupid.Ross, you have no idea what this means to me.I was gonna be homeless. You just saved me. You're my hero. Hero? I don't know. Well, all right.I have to go tell Monica what a wonderful brother she has.Oh,please.You're gonna say things now, aren't you?No. No,I won't.But I should tell you this.The same thing happened to my roommate,Denise.She moved in with a guy who was secretly married to her.He said he didn't love her, but he really did. And it just blew up.And that's how she ended up living with me.Okay, that's a lie.-You don't have a roommate. -Denise!No one ever listens to me!Listen,I'm sorry about before. I don't need a game room.I only played those games because I couldn't get girls. Now I can get.. Now I have you.No,not that I think I have you...or think of you as property in any sort of way. I see women....Stop it,Chandler.I'm sorry too.-Really? -Yeah. Oh,yes.We can think of something to do with the room together.Great idea. We can easily think of a way for us both to enjoy the room. Totally.-We don't have to decide now. -Good.Let's think about changes we can make in the living room. Changes?We'll have to move some furniture to make room for my chair.You're bringing the Barcalounger over here?Is that a problem?It's just that they're a set and should stay together.That's cool. I'll bring them both over.You're taking them away from their home.I get it. I get nothing. Nothing here is mine. Everything is yours.I'll get up in the morning,put on your clothes and go off to work! Yeah,that's it. Everything will be mine. Nothing will be yours.I'm talking about the Barcalounger.It doesn't match. Where will it go?In the game room!It is not my fault your chairs are incredibly ugly.That's fine.I won't bring the chairs. I won't bring anything!I wouldn't want to ruin the ambiance over here at grandma's place! Everything on your application looks really good.Just one last question.Will your friends be over here, partying and hanging out?Don't worry. I'm not a party girl.Don't just be blurting stuff out.I want you to really think about your answers.Call off the roommate search. Hi. I'll be living here.Ignore him. He's just some guy who wants the apartment.But he's not going to get it.You took down the shower curtain?That thing was a hazard!I'm very safety conscious.I was just clearing some space for your stuff.Thanks.But listen,Monica and Chandler had a big fight and they're not moving in. What do you mean, not moving in? They're still moving in, right?No, they just had a big blowout over what to do with my room.Over a stupid room?I feel kind of bad for them,but now I don't have to move in here!Oh, no. Yeah, that part's great.What's all this about you guys fighting?Is this really over a room?That is so silly.-We can handle this. -Apparently not.And I can't stand by and watch two people I care about so much...be hurt by something that is so silly.Enough of the silliness.Tell her to stop being silly.好Two very good points.I've known you both a long time.And I've never seen either of you one-millionth as happy... as you've been since you got together.Do you really want to throw that all away over a room? That is so silly.What's more important,love...or silliness?Well,we are fond of the silliness.But we also have a soft spot for the love.-Love is the best medicine. -That's "laughter."-Why do you do it? -I don't know.Now, Chandler, you want to live with Monica, right? Yeah, I do.And,Mon,you want to live with Chandler?Yes.A verbal contract is binding in the state of New York!So I understand you're looking for a place?No, I'm staying put.I was going to offer you my apartment.Why? Where you going?I don't know.瑞秋You won't believe it.Monica and Chandler are moving in again.That's great news, right? I mean, for them, right?But on the bright side, we get to be roommates again.Yeah. You know,about that....I really appreciate your offer to let me move in and everything... but don't you think it'll be weird?Why? Why would it.... Why would it be weird?Well, you know, because of us.Because of our history.No!No,no!It would only be weird if we were still in "that place."Are you still in that place?-No,not at all. -Good. Me neither.So it's not a problem.We're just two friends who happen to be roommates.Okay, but eventually you and I will be dating.Really? We are?Yeah. I'll have a boyfriend and you'll have a girlfriend.That'd be great.But if you think it'll be okay, we'll just work out a system.It'll be like in college. I'll hang a sign on the door:"Come back later. I'm getting lucky."Yeah,I didn't think of that.So are you sure about this whole moving-in thing?It's a really big step. And what's the rush?That's very funny.He's being silly because he knows we enjoy the silliness.No,I'm serious. Think about it. You move in.You start fighting over game rooms. Next thing you know, you break up. It was just a stupid fight about a room.There are no stupid fights!This isn't about the room.This is about what the room represents.And unfortunately, this room could destroy you!-I'm not so worried. -Me neither.Fine. It's your life!I just don't want to see you break up.Which you will do if you move in together.But if that's what you want, there's nothing I can do.Don't do it!-You still want to move in together? -Of course.Ross didn't scare you?Scared me out of wanting to live with him.-I gotta show you something. -Okay.Oh,my God! Someone's killed Square Man!The Barcalounger can go here.You can see the TV,and it's still walking distance to the kitchen.Oh,that's so sweet.I want to show you something too.You know those big road signs that say "merge"?I thought we could get one of those signs and hang it over our bed. Because that's you and I together."Merge!"-I love that! -Really?"No!"I found you in my bedHow'd you wind up there?You are a mysteryLittle black curly hairLittle black,little black, little blackLittle black curly hairIf you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows... please give me money so I can buy a computer.Where are the other guys?Well,Monica and Chandler are occupied.-Fighting? -The other thing.It's great they worked things out.There's no breaking them up, is there?Can I borrow the key to your house so I can go make a copy? -Here. -Thank you.Are you sure? Once I make a copy, there's no turning back. Yeah, I'm sure. Now get out of here before I change my mind. You think moving in with Rachel is a good idea?I've been back and forth.Well,maybe you should go back.She moves in, and before you know it...you're right where you don't want to be,back together.I don't think so. She's already talking about dating other guys.That's not going to work out. She'll come home all weepy...and you'll be telling her, "Oh, that's okay. You'll find someone." And then, bam! She finds you!Maybe you're right.Ross,she is definitely gonna fall in love with you again.Is that what you want?Is that what I want?Yes.Here she comes. I'm gonna make your life much easier.The place was closed, so I'll copy it later.Or not.Why don't you move in with me?Whoa, Joey!Look, I know I scared you with that whole naked-Thursdays thing... but we don't have to do that.It would be easier to move across the hall.Unless you're thinking about naked Wednesdays.Thursday's clearly not good for you. Pick a day!Come on in. Thanks for coming back.There's a lot of people interested in the room.But I've narrowed it down, and you're one of the finalists.-Great! -Before I decide...I want to be sure our personalities match.So I made up a little test.I'll say a word,and you say the first thing that comes to mind.-I can do that. -Okay, here we go.-Pillow. -Fight.Very good."G."-String? -Excellent! Doggy.-Kitten? -Sorry!So close, though. Bye-bye!。
Hey! You're not gonna believe this. 快看，你们一定不信Yes,Ross,we know they have magazines with pictures of naked women in them.是的，我们知道那里面有裸女的照片Don't tell him about the videos! 告诉他还有出录影带I made up a joke and sent it in to Playboy. 我编了一则笑话寄到花花公子They printed it. 结果登出来了I didn't know they print jokes. 我不知道花花公子也登笑话They print jokes,interviews, hard-hitting journalism. 他们有笑话、专访扎实新闻报导It's not just about the pictures. 并非只有图片Didn't work on Mom, it's not gonna work on us. 妈不吃这套，我们也不吃Check it out. It's the first one. 你们看，还是第一则Right there. 右边这儿That is funny. 真好笑It was also funny when I made it up. 我编出来时也很好笑-What? -I made that joke up. 什么？这则笑话是我编的No,you didn't. I did. 不是你，是我Yes,I did. I told Dan and he said it was the funniest joke he'd ever heard.是我，我说给公司的丹听他说这是他听过最好笑的笑话Hey,tell Dan thanks. 帮我谢谢丹What? 怎样？I was just reading the joke below it. Man,that one is funny. 抱歉，我在看下面那则笑话那则很好笑Monica, you remember me telling you that joke, right? 摩妮卡，你记得我跟你说过那则笑话吧？-No. -Seriously? 不记得真的不记得？You tell a lot of jokes. 你的笑话一大堆Look,it's my joke. 钱德，那是我的笑话But if it makes you feel better, they don't print the name. 不过他们没有印投稿人So it doesn't really matter who gets credit. 所以是谁的并不重要，对吧？Yeah,I guess. 大概吧-Hey,guys. -Playboy printed my joke! 你们好乔伊，花花公子登了我的笑话No,it's mine! Call them! They'll tell you! 不，那是我的笑话你打去问就知道-My joke! -My joke! 那是我的笑话是我的Whoa,whoa,whoa! 那是我的笑话是我的Jokes? What...? 笑话？You know there's naked chicks in there,right? 你们知道这上面有裸女吧？The One With The Joke 本集播出：“谁是笑话冠军”34 快，赶快转到“音乐内幕”The band Heart is having a tough time and they may break up. 红心合唱团状况百出可能会解散Let's watch that at your place. 我们去你家看Monica's watching a show. I don't want to miss when they were skinny.不行，摩妮卡在看烹饪节目快点，我想看她们瘦的时候Hey,Chandler? You know what we should do? 钱德，你知道吗？You and I should go out and get some new sunglasses. 我们应该去买新墨镜What? No,I want to watch this. 什么？不要，我想看电视-Did your cable go out? -No. No,that's VH1. 你的第四台断线了吗？不是，那是VH-1I tell you,the music these kids listen to today... 现在的小朋友听的音乐...it's a lot of noise to me. 简直是噪音Why is your cable out? 乔伊，第四台为什么没了？Oh,because I haven't really paid the bill. 因为我没缴钱If you need money, would you please let me loan you some? 你若缺钱，拜托让我借你好吗No,Chandler. Forget about it,okay? 不要，你别再说了I know things have been tight since Janine moved out. God,was she hot.我知道吉宁走后，我有点吃紧天哪，她可真辣I know,yeah. 就是啊Look,I can handle it, all right? I can listen to the radio. 但是我可以应付，好吗？我可以听广播And Ross gave me this great book. 罗斯也给了我一本很棒的书Want to see if the joke stealer will let us watch at his place? 要不要问那个笑话小偷我们能不能去他家看？Sure. 好啊-Paid your phone bill? -No. 电话费有缴吗？没怎么在缴It's only you. 原来是你-What are you doing? -Looking at a Playboy. 你们在看什么？我们在看花花公子I want to look too! 我也想看Yikes! 好恶Do you think these pictures are trying to tell a story? 这些照片是有故事性吗？Sure. Like in the case of this young woman... 当然有，像这位年轻小姐she has lost her clothes. 她的衣服不见了So she rides naked on the horse, she's crying out, "Where are they?"所以她光溜溜的骑着马大喊 “我的衣服呢？”She's not gonna find them, lying in the grass like that. 光躺在草地上是找不到的Remember the days when you'd go out to the barn... 记不记得以前去谷仓Lift up your shirt and bend over? 掀起衣服翘起屁股的日子？You see,now,I would date this girl. 不过我会约这个女生She's cute, she's outdoorsy. 她很可爱，很阳光And she knows how to build a fire. That'll come in handy. 而且她会生火，可以派上用场I got a question. 我有一个问题If you had to pick one of us to date, who would it be? 如果要在我们当中挑女朋友你们会挑谁？-I don't know. -Me neither. 不知道我也不知道Rachel. 瑞秋What? 什么？I don't know. 不知道Me neither. 我也不知道You know, you forget how many great songs Heart had. 我都忘了红心合唱团有那么多经典"Barracuda" was the first song I learned to play on the keyboard. “Barracuda”是我练键盘学的第一首歌So you heard it, you repeated it... 你听过，弹过so that must mean you wrote it. 所以那首歌是你写的罗？You guys with this joke. Well,I gotta say... 你们怎么还争啊？老实说I know I cracked up, but I'm not even sure I got it. 我有大笑，但是我看不太懂What? 什么？You didn't get it? 你看不懂？The doctor is a monkey. 那个医生是只猴子And monkeys can't write out prescriptions. 猴子没办法开处方You are not allowed to laugh at my joke. 我的笑话不准你笑Your joke? 你的笑话？Well,I think the Hef would disagree. 海夫纳可不同意（花花公子创办人）Which is why he sent me a check... 所以他寄了这张支票给我for $100. 100美元So you stole my joke and you stole my money? 你偷我的笑话，还偷我的钱I was gonna stick it in the ATM. 我本来要轧进柜员机里But now I think I'll show the sexy teller... 现在我决定让那位性感女柜员that I am a published writer. 知道我是个作家She'll know that you stole the joke. 她会知道你是偷来的You gonna follow me there? 你想怎样，跟着我去吗？-Yeah. -I'm not gonna go now. 没错反正我现在又不去Okay. 好Here you go. 帐单Gunther? 阿甘I can't pay now, because I'm not working. 我现在不能付我没工作I've had to cut down on some luxuries like... 得节省不必要的开销paying for stuff,so.... 像付帐之类的Well,if you want,you can work here. 你可以来这里工作I don't know. 我不晓得…It's just.... 我不晓得…See, I was a regular on a soap opera, you know? 我演过连续剧And to go from that to this, it's just.... 从明星到服务生，我实在…And plus, I'd have to wait on all my friends. 而且还得招呼我的朋友Okay. But the money's good. 好，但薪水很高Plus, you get to stare at Rachel as much as you want. 还可以看瑞秋看个够What? 什么？Flexible hours. 弹性工作时间Maybe I could be a waiter. 也许可以喔Could I use the phone? 可以用电话吗？She picked Rachel. 她选瑞秋She tried to back out of it, but it was obvious. She picked Rachel. 她想改口但是很明显，她选瑞秋He took my joke. He just took it. 他偷了我的笑话This is wrong. You know what else is wrong? 这样是不对的还有什么是不对的？Phoebe picking Rachel. 菲比选了瑞秋Know who else picked Rachel? Ross. 还有谁会选瑞秋？Know what else Ross did? He stole my joke. 罗斯，罗斯还做了什么？他偷了我的笑话I'm gonna get a joke journal, you know? 我要买一本笑话日志And document the date and time of every single one of my jokes.记录我每次讲笑话的日期时间Good idea. Know what's a bad idea? 好主意你知道什么主意不好？-Picking Rachel. -That's right. 选择瑞秋没错Did you hear something? 什么声音？Maybe it's the sound of Ross climbing into my brain to steal my thoughts.也许是罗斯爬进我的脑袋窃取我的思绪It's coming from the living room. 是客厅传来的I finished my book. 我的书看完了-Hey,you guys. -Hey. 你们好Don't you guys look cute. 你们好可爱You guys make a cute couple. 真是可爱的一对What are you doing? 摩妮卡，你在干嘛？Just trying to re-create some of the fun that we had at my place. 没什么我只是想制造出前两天的乐趣Remember? When you picked Rachel over me? 就是你选瑞秋不选我那次That was funny. 多好玩啊-It was kind of funny. -It wasn't funny at all! 是蛮好玩的一点也不好玩Why would you do that? 你为什么选她？Why didn't you pick me? 为什么不选我？Fine. 好The reason I was leaning a little bit more toward Rachel than you... 我之所以比较倾向瑞秋is just, you know, you're... 是因为你…high maintenance. Let's go to lunch! 有点难搞我们去吃饭吧That is completely untrue. 哪有这回事You think I'm high maintenance? Prove it. 你觉得我难搞？证明给我看You write out a list, and we'll go through it point by point. 你列一张清单我们逐条讨论No, you're right, you're easygoing. 你说得对，你很好相处You're just not as easygoing as Rachel. She's just more... 你只是没有瑞秋那么好相处她比较... flexible and mellow. That's all. 有弹性，比较圆融Well,people are different. 每个人都不一样Rachel will do whatever you want. You can just walk all over her. 瑞秋什么都好怎么欺负她都行What? Are you saying that I'm a pushover? I'm not a pushover. 慢着，你是说我没个性吗？我才没有Oh,okay. You're not a pushover. 好，你有个性You think I'm a pushover. Well,watch this. 天哪，你觉得我没个性你听着You're not invited to lunch! 我们不跟你吃饭了What do you think? Pretty strong,I think. 怎么样？够强硬了吧？Come on,Monica,let's go to lunch. 摩妮卡，我们去吃饭You start working on that list. 把清单列出来-I cannot believe her. -I know. Where do you want to eat? 她真是太扯了就是啊，你想吃什么？-Oh,I love that Japanese place. -I'm sick of Japanese. Not there. 我很喜欢那家日本料理我吃腻日本菜了，不要去那家Wherever you want to go is cool. 那看你想去哪里Oh,hey,Gunther... 阿甘check this out. 你看Yeah,that Chandler cracks me up. 那个钱德真的很好笑You want anything to drink? I'm heading up there. 罗斯，你要喝什么吗？我要去柜台-I'll take a coffee. Thanks. -Sure. 要，我要咖啡，谢了不客气-Coffee? -No. 咖啡？不要Coffee? I'm going up there. 要咖啡吗？我要去柜台No,thank you. 不用了谢谢You need anything? I'm heading up there. 需要什么吗？我要去柜台I'd love ice water. 我要一杯冰水You got it. 没问题What are you doing? 乔伊，你在干什么？Just being friendly. 表示友善啊You're not supposed to go back there. 乔伊，你不能去柜台后面It's okay. Right? 没关系啦，对吧，阿甘？Don't wink at me. 别跟我使眼色And put on your apron. 把围裙穿上Okay. 穿就穿I don't see you asking other paying customers to put on aprons. 你怎么不叫其他客人穿围裙-Joey,do you work here? -No. 乔伊，你在这里打工吗？没有-Waiter. -Yeah! 服务生什么事？What's going on? Why didn't you tell us you work here? 乔伊，怎么回事？你为什么不告诉我们？It's kind of embarrassing. I mean, I was an actor,now I'm a waiter. 这件事蛮尴尬的我之前是演员，现在是服务生It's supposed to go the other direction. 一般应该反过来才对So's your apron. You're wearing it like a cape. 你的围裙也反穿成披风了I mean, the job's easy and the money's good, you know? 这份工作很简单，薪水很高I guess if I'm hanging out here, I might as well get paid for it. 反正我都在这混，干脆赚个钱I just feel kind of weird serving you guys, you know? 只是要招呼你们感觉很怪It'll be great. 只是要招呼你们感觉很怪Come on,I did it and it was fine. 我也做过，还好啊Why would it be weird? 对啊，怎么会怪？Hey,Joey? Can I get some coffee? 乔伊，帮我端个咖啡It doesn't seem that weird. 确实没那么怪I asked before. You still haven't gotten it. 我说真的，我点的咖啡还没来See, now it's weird again. 现在又变怪了You're gonna make a lot of money. Here's your first tip. 你来这里工作是好事你会赚大钱，给你一个忠告Don't eat yellow snow. 不要学坏2:15, coffeehouse. 2点15分，咖啡馆This is great. Finally, someone I can pass my wisdom to. 太好了总算有人能传承我的智慧Let me tell you some things I learned working here. 告诉你几件我在这里学到的事First,the customer is always right. 首先，顾客永远是对的A smile goes a long way. 微笑能让你无往不利And if anyone is ever rude to you, sneeze muffin. 有人对你不客气就朝松饼打喷嚏Thanks,Rach. 谢了Hey, look, you guys are just terrific, you know? 你们对我真好How about clearing out so I can get some new customers? 要不要清场让别人进来了？It's all about turnover. 有流动才有商机Seriously,can I get my coffee? 乔伊，我想喝咖啡了I'm sorry. I'll get it right now. 抱歉，马上来And since you waited, I'll toss in a free muffin. 我送你一块松饼做补偿Phoebe,we'd like to talk to you. 菲比，我们想跟你谈谈Okay. 好So,maybe I am a little high maintenance. 或许我是有点难搞And maybe Rachel is a little bit of a pushover. 或许瑞秋是有点没个性But you know what you are? 但你知道你是什么吗？We are sorry to tell you this, but you, Phoebe, are flaky. 很抱歉这么说但是你，菲比，是个怪人That's true, I am flaky. 没错，我是很怪So,what,you're just okay with being flaky? 所以你怪也无所谓？Yeah,totally. 完全无所谓Then I'm okay with being high maintenance. 那我难搞也无所谓Yeah. And I am okay with being a pushover. 我没个性也无所谓That's great. Good for you guys. 太好了，无所谓就好-I am not high maintenance! -I am not a pushover! 我才不难搞我才没有没个性-Who said you were? -You did! 谁说你们是了？你啊I'm flaky. I'll say anything. 我是怪人，专门乱说话Hey,Gunther. 阿甘Can you cover for me? I got an audition. 帮我挡一下，我接到试镜通知No, I'm leaving to get my hair dyed. 不行，我要去染头发I like your natural color. 是吗？我喜欢你的自然色It's a great part. I'm the lead guy's best friend. 拜托啦，这是个好角色我演男主角的死党I wait for him and save his seat. Listen. 在酒吧帮他占位子，你听"I'm sorry, that seat's saved." 抱歉，这个位子有人-That's the whole part? -Maybe he's not his best friend. 就这样？或许不是他的死党，但是…I'll see you. 1小时后见Oh,man. 1小时后见I could totally get that part. "I'm sorry,this seat is taken." 我绝对能拿到那个角色抱歉，这个位子有人-Excuse me. -No,I didn't mean you. 抱歉不，我不是说你But you believed me? 但你以为是真的吧？I believed you were saving this seat for someone. 我以为你在帮别人占位So you'd hire me,right? 所以你会用我罗？For what? 用你干嘛？Exactly! All right, everybody listen up! 就是说嘛…各位请注意The coffeehouse will be closed for about an hour. 本店要暂停营业1小时What? 什么？It's for the kids. 好帮助孩子们Yeah,to keep the kids off drugs. 帮助他们远离毒品It's a very important issue in this month's Playboy. 这是本期花花公子的重要报导I'm sure you all read about it. 各位一定都看过Hey! Don't you wanna keep guns away from kids? 你不想让孩子们远离枪枝吗？-You said,"drugs." -It's a vicious cycle. Get out! 你刚才说毒品这是恶性循环，滚啦Go! 快点-It's my joke. -It's my joke. 那是我的笑话是我的It's my joke. 是我的I don't think we're gonna settle this. 我们再吵也吵不出结果Let's have Monica decide. 让摩妮卡决定吧-Hey,Mon! -Get out here! 小妹亲爱的，出来一下-Monica? -Okay. 摩妮卡You have to decide whose joke this is. 你来决定这个笑话是谁的Why do I have to? 为什么要我决定？You're the only one that can be fair. 因为你才能客观公正I can't be. You're my boyfriend. 我不能，你是我的男朋友But I'm your brother. We're family. 但我是你哥哥，我们是家人That's the most important thing in the world. 世上最重要的就是亲情Don't try to sway her. 不要想左右她I'm your only chance to have a baby. 只有我能让你生小孩-Okay,let's go. -All right. 我们开始吧好We'll each tell you how we came up with the joke... 我们会说出这个笑话的由来then you decide which one of us is telling the truth. Me. 你再决定谁说的是实话…是我Chandler, you first. 钱德，你先I thought of the joke two months ago at lunch with Steve. 好，我是2个月前跟史提夫吃饭时想到的-Did I meet him at Christmas? -Can I finish? 就是圣诞节那傢伙吗？让我说完好吗？You want me to pick you? 你要我选你吗？See,I would never snap at you like that. 我绝对不会那样凶你Two babies. 我绝对不会那样凶你-Continue. -Okay. 请继续Steve said he had to go to the doctor. And his doctor's name is Dr. Mompey.史提夫说他去看医生他的医生姓侯奇I said, "Dr. Monkey?" And that is how the whole Dr. Monkey thing came up. 我说“猴子医生？” 所以才会有猴子医生这个笑话Are you kidding? 你开什么玩笑Okay,look,I study evolution. 我是学进化论的Remember? Evolution. 记得吧？进化论Monkey into man. 猴子进化成人Plus,I'm a doctor. And... 况且我是博士I had a monkey. 我还养过猴子I'm Dr. Monkey! 我是猴子博士I'm not arguing with that. 这点我不跟你争I've heard enough for my decision. 好，可以了，我决定好了-Okay,so what..? -Do tell. 那是？？You are both idiots. 你们两个都是白痴It's not funny. And it's offensive to women. 那个笑话不但不好笑还冒犯了女性And doctors. And monkeys. 还有医生，还有猴子You shouldn't argue over who gets credit. 你们不该争笑话是谁的You should argue over who gets blamed for inflicting this joke on the world.应该争是谁让这世界受这种罪Now,let it go. 别再争了The joke sucks. 那个笑话烂透了-It's your joke. -It is not. 那是你的笑话才不是-Oh, my God, Chandler, there you are. -Hi. 钱德，你在这里Hey,it's Phoebe and Rachel. 是菲比和瑞秋Why don't you tell them... 你要不要告诉她们what you told me about me not being high maintenance. 你刚才说我并不难搞？Monica is a self-sufficient, together lady. 摩妮卡是个自信沉着的女性Being with her has been like being on a vacation. 跟她在一起就像在度假And what may be perceived as high maintenance... 至于所谓的难搞is merely attention to detail... 只是注重小细节...and... 和…generosity of spirit. 心灵的慷慨Wow. You know what? That is the best fake speech I think I've ever heard.这真是我所听过最棒的假话Really? I've heard better. 真的？我听过更棒的Wait, he came up with that himself. Tell them. 等等，那是他自己说的你告诉她们I'm out of words. Should I say it again? 我已经词穷了可以重复就好吗？Look, I am not high maintenance! 我一点也不难搞I am not. Chandler! 钱德You're a little high maintenance. 你是有点难搞You are on my list! 你上黑名单了Look,I'm sorry,but you're not.. 对不起不过...You're not easygoing, but you're passionate. 你并不好相处但你很热情And that's good. 这样很好And when you get upset about little things,I think I'm pretty good... 当你为小事不高兴时我觉得...at making you feel better. 我蛮能安抚你的That's good too. They say you're high maintenance... 那样也很好所以她们说你难搞也行but it's okay,because I like... 因为我喜欢…maintaining you. 搞定你I didn't tell him that. 我没叫他说这些-You're off my list. -I'm off the list. 你从黑名单除名了我除名了Phoebe? 菲比It's okay that you don't want me to be your girlfriend. 你不找我当女朋友也没关系I have the best boyfriend. 因为我有最棒的男朋友You know, suddenly I find you very attractive. 我突然觉得你好迷人How'd the audition go? 兄弟，试镜结果如何？Oh, not good. No. 不好I didn't get the part. And I lost my job here,so... 我没拿到那个角色这里的工作也没了，所以…Wow,that is a bad audition. 好惨烈的试镜Well,how did you lose your job here? 这里的工作为什么没了？I had the audition... 我要去试镜but Gunther said I had to stay so he could get his hair dyed. 但阿甘叫我顾店他好去染头发So I went anyway, and he fired me. 但我还是去了，他就炒我鱿鱼He left work to do a personal errand... 他扔下工作去办私事and left you in charge when you've been here two days? 叫才来2天的你顾店？That's not right. 这样不对吧What are you gonna do? 但是能怎么办？You can't let him get away with that. 乔伊，你不能就这么算了I won't let him get away with that. I'm gonna say.. 我绝不放过他，我要去教训他I shouldn't say anything. No,I should say something! 不，我不该多事不，我要去教训他Gunther? I want you to give Joey his job back. 阿甘，让乔伊继续在这里打工-It's not fair that you have to fire.. -Okay. 你这样解雇他一点也不… 好-What? -He can have his job back. 什么？他可以继续打工That's right, he can have his job back. 没错，他可以继续打工Glad we got that all straightened out. 讲通了就好There you go,Joey. 好了-Got your job back. -That's great. Thanks. 你可以继续打工了太好了，谢谢你Pretty nice,huh? Now who's a pushover? 不赖吧？谁没个性了？-Rach,you're in my seat. -I'm sorry. 你坐到我的位子了抱歉I never heard who you'd pick to be your girlfriend. 你们都没说会找谁当女朋友-I'd pick you,Phoebe. -Yeah,definitely you,Phoebe. 我选你没错，绝对是你Yeah,I kind of thought. 我也这么觉得-Never. -It would totally be you. 绝对是你If you had to pick one of the other two to go out with... 我有一个问题如果要找另外两个人当男朋友who would you pick? 你们会找谁？-No way. -I'm not answering. 少来我拒绝回答Joey. 乔伊No way, I'm not answering that. 少来，我拒绝回答。
"We've got 3 minutes till it blows. We won't make it!" 反应炉3分钟后就要爆炸"You've got to get out of here! Save yourself!" 我们逃不掉了你得赶快逃命"I won't leave you." 不行，我不会扔下你"Don't worry about me. I'm a robot. I'm just a machine!" 别管我我是机器人，我只是一台机器-"No,you're not. Not to me." -Oh,my God. 对我来说不是天哪-What? -I am extremely talented. 怎样？我太有才华了-Yeah. You're great. -Yeah. 你确很棒-Okay,let's take it from.. -No,I mean, I was really acting my ass off. 好，我们从…不是，我真的超会演的I thought I was pretty good,too. 我觉得我也很不错Yeah,you're solid. You're just no me. 你是很不错，只不过不是我You know what? I think that's enough for now. 我看就先这样I don't want to be over-rehearsed. 我不想排练过头Fine. I'll do it without you! 没关系，我自己演I don't need you or anybody else! 我不需要你或任何人I'm gonna make it on my own! 我会靠我自己成功You'll see! You'll all see! 等着瞧，都给我等着瞧The One With Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. 本集播出：“试镜风波”21 你要去试什么镜？It's a new TV show. 是一部新影集I'm up for the part of Mac, Machiavelli, or "Mac"! 我的角色叫麦克麦可维利也叫麦克I'm a detective and I solve crimes with my robot partner. 我是个侦探和我的机器人拍档一起打击犯罪He's a computerized humanoid... 他是人性化电脑electronically enhanced secret enforcer. 电子秘密杀手Or "C.H.E.E.S.E." 简称吉事-So Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.? -That's the title! 麦克与吉事那就是剧名They lucked out that the initials spell "cheese." 幸好缩写刚好是吉事That is lucky. 真是幸好So Joey,if you get this, you're gonna be,like... 要是你拿到这个角色the star of your own TV show. 就有你自己的影集了I mean,you'll be like the "Big Cheese" or the "Big Mac." Hey, you love those!你就会被称为大吉事（汉堡）或是大麦克（麦香堡）都是你的最爱Don't get your hopes up. It probably won't happen. 别抱太大期望，应该没那么好Why would you say that? 你为什么要这么说？Well,I mean, come on, guys. My own TV show? 拜托，我主演的影集耶？-I don't know if I'm good enough. -I am. 我都不知道我配不配我配What are you talking about? You're a terrific actor. 乔伊，你在说什么？你是个很棒的演员-You really think so? -How can you even ask that question? 真的吗？你怎么能这么问-She's pretty. -Yeah. And she's really nice too. 她真漂亮对，人也很好She taught me all about how to work with cameras... 她教我怎么面对镜头and "smell the fart" acting. 和闻屁演技法-I'm sorry. What? -Excuse me? 什么？It's like you got so many lines to learn so fast... 因为在短时间内要背很多台词sometimes you need time to remember your next one. 有时得停下来想下一句So while you're thinking of it, you take this pause where you look intense. 在你想的时候要来个大停顿，表情故作严肃You know, like this: 就像这样Okay. 好Here's my scene! Here's my scene! 该我了该我了Mrs. Wallace? I'm Dr. Drake Ramorey, your sister's surgeon. 华勒斯太太，我是拉莫瑞医生令妹的神经外科医生You sister is suffering from a... 令妹得了一种…Well,Eva,we've done some excellent work here. 伊娃，偶们有不凑的进展（我们有不错的进展）And I would have to say your problem is quite clear. 老俗唆，你的困老很清此（老实说，你的困扰很清楚）All you want is a tinkle 你只是想要一个老二What you envy's a schwang 你在忌妒男人A thing through which you can tinkle 你想要拿它来撒尿Or play with or simply let hang 或是把玩，或是挂在那边I play Al Pacino's butt. 我演艾尔帕西诺的屁股All right? 好吗？He goes into the shower and then, I'm his butt. 他进去淋浴然后我就是他的屁股-Oh,my God. -Come on,you guys. -天哪 -别这样This is a movie and Al Pacino's in it, and that's big! 这是一部电影艾尔帕西诺主演，很不得了It's terrific. You deserve this. After years of struggling... 的确很棒你当之无愧，努力了这么久you've finally cracked your way into show business. 终于可以“屁美”别人了Okay,fine, make jokes. I don't care. This is a big break for me. 好，你们笑吧，我不在乎这是我的一大突破-No,you're right,it is. -Yeah. 你说得很对So,you gonna invite us to the big opening? 你会找我们去看你 “精屁”的演出吗？All right,I'm out of here. Wish me luck. 好，我要走了，祝我好运Good luck,good luck We all wish you good luck 加油，加油，我们祝你好运Yeah,whatever. 随便啦Wow,if I could dance, I'd be a triple threat. 要是我会跳舞就更可怕了It's your turn. 该你了Oh,are we playing this? 我们有在玩喔？How'd the audition go? 试镜结果如何？Terrible. I messed up every word. I shouldn't even be an actor. 很烂我把台词都念坏了我不该当演员的Wait. Are you pretending it didn't go well, but it really did go well?等等，你又在假装不顺利了吗-Yeah, did I fool you? -Totally! -对，有唬过你们吗？ -一愣一愣的-So it did go well? -Amazingly well! 所以很顺利罗顺利得不得了-Great! -It's down to me and two other guys. 太好了只剩我和另外两个人三选一天哪And they're really good. 那两个人都很厉害One's from those allergy commercials who's chased by flowers. 其中一个就是在过敏广告里被巨无霸花朵追来追去的人Oh,I love that guy! 我好喜欢那个人What are you doing? 你在干什么？What am I doing? 我在干什么？I'm so nervous,you know? The callback is tomorrow at 5:00. 我好紧张明天下午5点才要复试-I feel like my head's gonna explode. -Well,it is overdue. 我的头好像要爆炸了你的头早该爆了-Don't worry. You'll be fine. -But it's so much pressure. 放心，你一定没问题压力真的好大What you guys do is different. I don't know if you'd understand. 很抱歉，但你们的工作很不同我不知道你们能不能体会Yeah,we don't have pressure at our jobs. 是啊，我们的工作都没有压力I know what time it is,but I'm looking at the wee-ness and I'm not happy. 我知道现在几点了但是我对这份报告很不满意Well,I'm tearing the lettuce. 我在撕生菜-Is it dirty? -Don't worry,I'll wash it. 它脏吗？放心，我会洗Don't. I like it dirty. 不必，我喜欢脏的That's your call. 你决定就好So what are you going to do next? 你接下来要做什么？I thought I'd cut up the tomatoes. 我要切蕃茄Are they firm? 它们结实吗？-They're all right. -You sure they haven't gone bad? 还不差你确定它们没有变坏？You sure they're not very,very bad? 你确定它们不是很坏很坏？-No,really. They're okay. -You gonna slice them real nice? 它们还好你会把它们切得很漂亮吗？Actually,I was gonna do them julienne. 其实我想切丝I'm out of here. 我要走了I'm quitting. I just helped an 81-year-old woman put on a thong... 摩妮卡，我要辞职我帮一个老女人挤进丁字裤and she didn't even buy it. 结果她也没买I'm quitting. That's it. I'm talking to my boss right now. 我要辞职我现在就要跟老板说Yes,I am. Yes,I am. 我要我要我要…Bye. Call me when you get this message. 再见，听到留言请回电Well,what happened? 怎么了？Well, he came in for a massage, and everything was fine until... 他来按摩，本来都没事后来…Oh,my God. 天哪And all of a sudden, his hands weren't the problem anymore. 然后突然间毛手毛脚成了小事-Was it? -Boy Scouts could've camped under there. 他有没有… 用来搭帐棚都绰绰有余You ate my sandwich? 你吃了我的三明治？It was a mistake. It could happen to anyone. 很单纯的错误，谁都可能会犯Really? 是吗？Now calm down. 你别激动Come look in my office. Some of it may still be in the trash. 来我的办公室找垃圾桶里可能还有-What? -Well,it was quite large. 什么？它很大I had to throw most of it away. 我只好扔掉一大半You threw my sandwich away? 你…你扔掉我的三明治My sandwich? 我的三明治My sandwich! 我的三明治It's just,I want this part so much. 我好想拿到这个角色If I don't get this part, I'm never gonna eat macaroni and cheese again. 要是我没拿到我就再也不吃起司通心面I didn't say that. That doesn't count. 不，我没说，我骗人Come on,guys. It's not like I moved to Europe. 别这样，我又不是搬去欧洲I just moved across the hall. 我只是搬到对面And we would have you over all the time... 我们也想经常请你们来坐if it weren't for Monica's allergies. 但是摩妮卡会过敏You're right,I could never lie to you. 没错，我骗不了你们She hates you. 她讨厌你们Should I get that? 要接吗？Hello? No,Joey's not here right now. Can I take a message? 你好乔伊现在不在，你要留言吗？Yeah,okay. So the audition's been moved from 5:00 to 2:30? 好，试镜从5点改到2点半？Okay,great. Bye. 好的，再见-Aren't you dressed yet? -Am I naked again? 你还没穿衣服？我又光着身体了？We're meeting my parents in 15 minutes. 我们15分钟后要去见我爸妈I was just talking to the guys. Look at them. 好，我只是在跟它们聊天Is it okay if they come visit? 你看它们嘛它们可以去找我们吗？What about my allergies? 那我的过敏怎么办？Right. Your allergies. 也对，你会过敏All her. She hates you. 都是她，她讨厌你们Yes! All right. 漂亮How cool would it be if you could watch a life-size version of this?要是这些小人能变成真人大小该有多酷？-I mean,how crazy would that be? -As crazy as soccer? 该有多过瘾？跟足球一样过瘾？Hello? 你好What are you talking about? The audition's at 5. 你在说什么？5点才试镜Well,nobody told me. 没有人告诉我Who'd you talk to? 你跟谁说的？Never mind. 没事You mean you didn't get it from this? 这样你看不懂吗？-The allergy guy got the part. Thanks. -Maybe we can fix it. -那个过敏人入选了，谢谢你啊 -也许还可以补救Maybe we can send him some big flowers and scare him! 我们可以送巨无霸花去吓他How could you do this? This could've turned my career around. 你怎么能这样？这个角色可以让我的事业翻红I messed up,okay? I'm sorry. I really messed up. 是我不好对不起，我真的错了Why'd you answer my phone? 你根本也不住这里了干嘛接我的电话？-I have a machine! -Which I bought for you. -我有答录机 -是我买给你的Taught you how to use it. You thought it was a copier. 还教你怎么使用你以为它是影印机If there was anything I could do, I'd do it. 我愿意尽全力挽救这个错误Everybody's allowed one mistake,right? 但是人起码可以犯一次错He could have gotten me a VCR or golf clubs. 他可以送我录影机可以送我高尔夫球具But no,he has to get me the "Woman Repeller." 可是他偏偏要让我把女人吓跑The eyesore from the "Liberace House of Crap!" 一个废五金行里最丑的东西-It's not that bad. -Easy for you to say. 没那么严重You don't have to sport a reject from the "Mr. T" collection. 你又不必戴着被某个老粗淘汰的金饰到处跑I pity the fool who puts on my jewelry! I do! I do! “我真同情戴这个手饰的人” “真的”I pity the fool that... “我真同情戴这个…” 你好When you were late last night, Kathy and I were talking and... 你昨天晚归凯西和我聊了起来one thing led to another and.... 事情演变到后来就…And what? Did you sleep with her? 就什么？你跟她上床？-No! No,I just kissed her. -What? That's even worse! 没有，我只是吻了她什么？那样更糟！-How? -I don't know! But it's the same! 怎么会更糟？我不知道，反正都一样I have no excuses. I was over the line. 你说得对，我无话可说我太过分了Over the line? 过分？You're so far past the line you can't even see it! 你根本就过分到...The line is a dot to you! 连过分见到你都会说你过分I'm not saying you should magically forgive me. 我不是要你奇迹式的原谅我But you're not perfect. You've made errors in judgment. 但你也不完美你也做过错误的判断Name one! 举个例子What happened? 怎么回事？Man! He promised he wouldn't take the chairs! 他答应不拿沙发椅的How were you locked in? And where the hell's all of our stuff? 怎么回事？你怎么会被关进去我们的东西呢？This guy came to look at the unit... 有一个人来看柜子and he didn't think it was big enough to fit a man. 他说它塞不下一个大人So you got in voluntarily? 所以你就自愿进去？I was trying to make a sale! 我想把柜子卖出去If I ever run into him again, know what I'll do? 要是让我碰上他你猜我会怎样？Bend over? 把屁股翘起来？There's Lori. 她来了Remember,no trading. You get the pretty one,I get the mess. 记住，不准交换美女是你的，失恋女是我的-Hi,Joey. -Hey. 乔伊Well,well. Look what you brought. 他就是你带来的人And what did you bring? 你又带了谁来？She's checking her coat. 她在寄放外套Joey,I'm gonna go wash the cab smell off my hands. 乔伊，我要去洗个手Will you get me a white Zinfandel and a glass of red for Janice. 你帮我叫一杯白酒帮珍妮丝叫一杯红酒Janice? 珍妮丝？珍妮丝？Oh,my God! 我…的…天哪Joey's tailor took advantage of me. 乔伊的裁缝吃我豆腐What? 什么？No way. I've been going to the guy for 12 years. 不可能我找他做了12年衣服You said he'd do my inseam... 拜托啦，他说要量裤管内侧then he ran his hand up my leg and then there was... 然后他的手一路摸上来然后就…What? 怎样？Cupping. 包住了That's how they do pants! 裤子就是那样量的-Isn't that how a tailor measures? -Yes,yes,it is. In prison! 罗斯，你告诉他裤子不都是那样量的？是啊是啊…在监狱里I said name one! 叫你举一个就好-I can't believe I did this. -Stop beating yourself up. 我居然这么粗心，我真白痴别再自责了People make mistakes. These things happen. 人都会犯错，这是难免的There aren't any messages you've forgotten to give me? 你没有忘记帮我记留言吧？Apparently,you're not very good at it. 是你自己逊-Do you think he'll forgive me? -Of course. 你们觉得他会原谅我吗？当然会The important thing is that you forgive yourself. 但最重要的是你得原谅自己-You know what,I kind of have. -Already? 其实我已经原谅自己了这么快？That was pretty bad what you did. 你犯的错蛮严重的He will forgive you. 他会原谅你的I like to bring a pad with me when I answer the phone, okay? 我接电话时都会带便条纸… 好啦-You didn't see how mad he was. -I'm sure he'll forgive you. 你没看到他气成什么样子他一定会原谅你的We've all been there. You fight, you make up. That's how it works. 我们都有这种经验吵架，和解，就是这样It took two people to break up this relationship! 这段感情会破裂是两个人的错Yeah! You and that copy girl... 对，你和影印店那个女的which yesterday you took responsibility for! 你昨天表明愿意负责I didn't know what I was taking responsibility for. 我不知道我负的是什么责-I didn't finish the letter. -What? 我没把信看完什么？-I fell asleep. -You fell asleep? 我睡着了你睡着了？It was 5:30 in the morning. 当时是早上5点半And you had rambled on for 18 pages. 你一废话就废话了十八页Front and back! 正反面都写满了And by the way? Y-O-U, apostrophe R-E means,"you are." 还有 “你得”是指“你必须”Y-O-U-R means "your." “你的”是代表所有格I can't believe I thought of getting back together with you. 我居然会想跟你复合We are so over! 我们根本就完了Fine by me! 无所谓And just so you know, it's not that common... 顺便告诉你那种事并不常见it doesn't happen to every guy, and it is a big deal! 并非男人都会那样那是很严重的I knew it! 我就知道-You had no right to go out with him. -That's ridiculous.. 你没有权利和他约会这真是太荒谬…-You sold me out! -I did not! 你出卖我我没有出卖你-You did! You sold me.. -Would you let me talk? -你有！你出卖我... -让我说话好吗？Did you just flick me? 你弹我的额头吗？Well,you wouldn't let me finish and.. 你不让我说完，我很…Stop it! 你不让我说完，我很…-Stop. -Stop. 你不让我说完，我很…-All right. No,let's not do this. -No! -好，不要这样 -不-Happy thoughts. -No! -想想快乐的事 -不-Happy thoughts. -No! -快乐的事 -不！Okay,now I'm gonna kick some ass! 好，我要发威了All right. Now,I will let go if you both stop. 你们住手，我就放手-Fine. -Fine. 好吧There we go. 这不就结了You know what? If we were in prison, you guys would be my bitches. 如果我们在坐牢你们就是我的喽罗Okay, buddy boy, here it is. 兄弟，如何啊You hide my clothes? I'm wearing everything you own. 你藏我的衣服我就穿你全部的衣服Oh,my God! 我的天哪Look at me,I'm Chandler! Could I be wearing any more clothes? 看啊，我是钱德我穿的衣服够多吧？Maybe if I wasn't going commando. 因为我去玩野战游戏I tell you,it's hot with all this on. I'd better not do any lunges. 穿这么多衣服真热我最好别做弓箭步Joey? 乔伊？Got you the Joey special! Two pizzas! 我买了欢乐套餐，有两个披萨乔伊？我买了欢乐套餐，有两个披萨Hello? Damn it! 你好又来了Hello? 你好No,Joey's not here right now, but I can take a message. I think. 乔伊现在不在我可以帮你留言…应该吧He's still got a chance for the part? That's great news! 他还有机会？真是太好了Well,no,obviously not for the actor who was mauled by his dog. 我不是说那位被狗咬伤的演员That's great. I'll give Joey the message. 太好了，我会转告乔伊，谢谢Yes! 漂亮Okay. 好Mac... 麦克…audition... 试镜…at 2:00. 2点钟Allergy... 过敏…actor... 演员…attacked. 遭攻击By dog... 被狗…not... 不是…flowers. 被花-Tell me you got the message. -What message? -请告诉我你有收到留言 -什么留言？The actor playing Mac couldn't do it. They needed you at 2. 要演麦克的演员不能演他们要你2点过去What? It's 6:00! 什么？明明是6点Look! I wrote it on the board! 我有写在留言板上I wrote it down, then went looking for you! 我写在留言板上然后跑遍整个纽约找你I went to Ross's, the coffee house... 我跑去罗斯家，跑去咖啡馆I went to any place they make sandwiches! 跑去每一个有三明治的地方-I can't believe this,Chandler! -I'm sorry. 怎么这样啦对不起-I don't know what to say! -You might say congratulations! -我不知道该说什么 -那就说恭喜吧I saw the board, I went to the audition, I got the part! 我看到留言板，跑去试镜我中了Was that funny? I was worried. 你觉得很好笑吗？我刚才真的很担心-I'm sorry. -That fake-out thing is just mean. 有时候这样骗人真的很恶劣Oh,I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel bad. 抱歉，我不是故意要害你内疚Well,that's good. 那就好Because you didn't! And I'm incredibly happy for you! 因为我没有内疚我好替你高兴That's mean! 你好恶劣-You had me going! -We could do this all day. 你害我惭愧再玩就玩不完了Yeah,you're right. 也对Let's talk about what a huge star I'm gonna be. 好，我们来聊聊我会有多红You're gonna be huge! I'm gonna hug you! 你会变成超级大明星-You hug me! -All right. 我要抱你来抱吧-Do we do this too much? -I think so. 我们会不会太爱抱了？我也觉得-Yeah. Get off me. -Yeah. 放开我就是啊"C.H.E.E.S.E., I'm not leaving without you. 吉事，我不会扔下你的Route your backup power source through your CPU." 你从中央处理器启动备用电源"l can't! My circuits are fried! They're fried, I tell you!" 没办法，我的电路烧焦了焦到不能再焦"Then I'll carry you!" 那我就背你"That'll be a neat trick..." 好棒的招数啊"when you're dead!" 等你死了再说You don't have to yell. 罗斯，你不必用喊的There was just an explosion. My hearing would be impaired. 刚才有爆炸，我的听力会受损I thought you were great. 我觉得你很棒For a minute,I was like, "Where'd Ross go?" 刚才我甚至觉得“罗斯呢？”Thank you. And that first scene where you meet Mac... 谢谢你和麦克见面的第一场戏…-Yeah? -Oh,my God. I mean... 怎样？我的天哪And you know what? 怎样？我的天哪That's enough for today. Thanks for your help. 今天就到此为止，多谢帮忙-Holding us back. -Totally. 他欺压新人就是啊358 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000。
Okay.I'm moving out, so you're in charge of paying the rent.-When's it due? -On the first.And that's every month?No, just the months you want to live here.Okay, here's the phone bill.Oh, my God!That's our phone number.I know I kind of sprung this me-moving-out-on-you thing.-Why don't I cover you for a while? -No way!Joey Tribbiani does not take charity...anymore.-It's not charity, Joe. -Forget it.Thanks, but I'm done taking money from you.I can take care of myself. What's next? Come on.Here's the electric bill.-This is how much we pay for electric? -Well,yeah.So we'll do the rest of the bills later,then?The One On The Last Night20I offered him money, but he wouldn't take it.How much does he need?$1500 would cover him for a few months...but I have to trick him into taking it so I don't hurt his pride.Why don't you hire him as an actor?You could have him dress up and put on skits whenever you want.Well, that would help the pride thing.Wow, you look great! Do you wanna move in with me tomorrow?好啊好Any plans for tonight?Instead of being sad on my last night with Rachel...we're going out to celebrate Rachel's moving in with Phoebe.-And also my birthday. -It's not your birthday.What a mean thing to say! I'd never tell you it wasn't your birthday.You guys have anything planned for the big last night?Instead of just hanging out, we figure we'd do nothing.Knicks' season opener tonight. I thought you'd come and watch it.I don't know,Ross.Not if you talk about how you gave up basketball to become a paleontologist.I did give up a career in basketball to become a paleontologist!-Phoebe.. -You're not dressed yet?We're supposed to start having fun in 15 minutes!And clearly, not a minute sooner.You are packed,though, right? Please tell me you're packed?Of course I'm packed. Monica,relax.I wanted to ask Phoebe what I should wear.My God,I can't get a minute of peace.Oh,my God!Monica's just gonna kill you.I know.What you're wearing is fine for that.瑞秋，我要借…You're not packed!You're not packed even a little bit!Surprise!Don't get mad, because this is what happened.I started packing, then I realized,"What am I doing?"I am lousy at packing,right?But you love packing!So as a gift to you on our last night....I'll be coordinator!Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I didn't get you anything. Everybody has to help. Phoebe, can you help?I have plans.-You have plans with us. -That's right.Chandler can make boxes, Ross can wrap and Joey can lift. Tell the guys they have to help out.My God,thank you!Monica's gonna make you pack! She's got jobs for everyone! Now, it's too late for me, but save yourselves!The movers will be here in 11 hours. Rachel hasn't packed. Now, everybody has to help. Chandler..I have plans with Joey.-You said you were doing nothing. -Yes,but for the last time. Fine. Now,Ross..-I can't do it. -Why not?-Don't you have Ben? -Because I have Ben!It's almost past his bedtime. Where is he?He's at a dinner party.He's really coming? I can see in your apartment.Of course he is. What?You think I'd use my son as an excuse?What kind of father do you think I am?All right. Sorry.I gotta go make a fake Ben.Here it is.Our last pizzas together as roommates.I wish I knew that. I ordered Chinese.Well,that's okay.In a way it's kind of nice. You know?Our last dinner together. Me, bringing the food of my ancestors...you,the food of yours!I had an idea for what to do on our last night.What do you say we play a little foosball for money?Are you crazy? You haven't beaten me since my injury-plagued '97 season. -It'd be easier to give me your money. -Yes, it would.What do you say to $50?I say to it: "50 dollars,you are more than I have."If you know that you'll win, what difference does it make?-You're on. -Okay,let's play.The big game. Italy versus...China, apparently.Look,it's the Rollerblades.Oh,God!You remember when we got these?不记得I guess you weren't there.You guys, we said we were gonna have fun.Come on. Hey, remember the time....You don't remember?Sorry,Phoebe. I'm just really sad that I'm leaving.I'm gonna miss you so much.This doesn't have to be so sad, though,you know? Instead of thinking about how you'll miss each other... you should think of the things you're not gonna miss.I don't think there's anything.Come on,there's gotta be something.She's perfect.I have one.Okay, you can go first.I guess I'm not gonna miss the fact...that you're never allowed to move the phone pen. That's a good one. Okay, Monica, anything?You know, does Rachel move the phone pen? Sometimes.Always, actually.There you go. Doesn't everyone feel better?Not just the phone pen.I never get my messages.You get your messages.It doesn't count if you have to read them off your hand...after you've fallen asleep on the couch.So you missed a message from who? Chandler?Or your mom?Or Chandler?Or your mom?It worked! No one's sad!I win again!That's,like, 500 bucks you owe me!Man! Five hundred dollars.That is a lot of electricity,huh?I gotta buy some food.Give me a chance to win my money back. Sudden death...one goal,$1000.-You serious? -Yes!Get ready to owe me.Here we go. Ready?No...one can beat me!That's why only the little fake men are supposed to do the kicking. Hi, Ross. See, other people call me!Oh, your brother. Score!What's up?I'm here with Ben.Thought we'd say hi.-Put him on. -Ben,say hi to Aunt Monica.I guess he doesn't feel like talking right now.He's smiling,though.Okay, talk to you later.You know, Daddy was gonna be a basketball player.I think it was better when you guys were sad.Hey, remember the Rollerblades?You know what else I won't miss? "I'm Monica.I wash the toilets 17 times a day, even if people are on it!""Hi,I'm Rachel. Is my sweater too tight?I'd better wash it and shrink it!""I'm Monica. I never get messages from interesting people."I call her."Oh, my God! I love Ross. I hate Ross. I love Ross. I hate Ross!" "My God! I can't find a boyfriend.I'll stumble across the hall and sleep with the first guy I find there!" You guys, come on, this is the last night!Yeah,you're right, and so for the last time I would like to ask you:Boo-hoo. Get out of my room!We should get a move on if we want to make those dinner reservations. Still broken?It sucks,man.Your last night,and I lose the two most important things:The foosball table...and $500.There are other ways to win back your money. How about blackjack? Not my game.You know what? We can play a new game.-It's fun! -What's it called?Cups.-I don't know how. -I'll teach you. It's easy and fun.-All right. -Here you go.I have two queens. What do you have?-A 2 and a 5. -You win! Fifty dollars!-Really? -Let's play again.-What have you got? -4 and a 9.You're kidding,right?-No. Why? -That's a full cup!Damn, I am good at Cups!I'm not talking to her.You have to take the first step...because she's the one who's leaving. It's harder for her.Maybe you're right.But she made fun of my phone pen!I know. I took it hard too.She's in there right now, crying. I can hear her.She's not crying.She's holding it in. She's so brave. Go.I feel bad about what happened..-What are you doing? -I'm unpacking.I'm not moving. Is that picture straight?It needs to go about 20 blocks to the left.You're the one who wants this big change and to move in with Chandler!You should go! Why do I have to leave?-It's my apartment! -It's mine too! What else you got?How about: You're moving!This is ridiculous.We should be packing you!-Hey, how you guys doing? -Great. Monica's moving.I am not!Really? How come all your stuff is in this box?Okay, you guys, I think I know what's going on here!You guys? Stop!I know you're acting mad because it'll make it easier to leave.But deep down,you're really sad. Deep,deep down.-No, Phoebe, I am mad! -Well,deep deep deep down!I'm just mad.Then keep running.You win!-What did you have? -Nothing beats...a three and a six.That, my friend, is "D Cup."How much have you won so far?-700. -Not 700 exactly?Double it.In Cups, once you get $700, you have to double it.I didn't make up the rules.Now, after you receive the doubling bonus, you get one card.That one card could be worth $100, which brings your total to $1500.Don't get excited, that won't happen unless you get the.. No way! This is the last box of your clothes.I'm just gonna label it "What were you thinking?"I was just gonna go across the hall and write that on Chandler. Guys, I don't wanna make things worse, but...I don't wanna live with Rachel anymore.-What? -You're so mean to each other.I don't wanna end up like that with Rachel. I still like you.That's fine because I'm not moving.Phoebe, you gotta take her.I said some bad stuff...but Rachel has qualities that make her a good roommate.Like what, Monica?She has 147,000 pair of boots.Good start,Mon.She lets you borrow them.And you stretch them out with your big old clown feet.Do you wanna live outside? Because it's getting cold!She gets tons of catalogs and folds down the pages of things I'd like. What else?When I take a shower...she leaves me notes on the mirror.I do. I do do that.That's nice. I like having things to read in the bathroom.When I fall asleep on the couch...she covers me with a blanket.Well,you know, I don't want you to be cold.And when I told her I was gonna move in with Chandler...she was really supportive.You were so great.You made it so easy.And now you have to leave.And I have to live with a boy!It's gonna be fine.Now I can't wait to live with you!You know what we should do?Bring Monica, and we'll live together! We'll have so much fun!I think she's moving in with Chandler.Oh,that's right. You're still set on that?Kind of.Oh,my God!How's the packing going?Ben? He's fine. He's right.. Oh, my God!Get your head out of your shirt there, son!Yeah, it's a pumpkin. I'll come pack.-What's wrong? -Ross and I were helping pack...took a little break. I lost $1500 to him in Cups!How did you lose at Cups?The same way you lost!I started out with the king and the queen. Bam! Ross gets a 2 and a 3. Then I get a jack and a king. Boom! Ross gets a 4 and 5.Even Ross was getting the Cup card, the D Cup...the sitting-down bonus. I didn't even get half a cup! Nothing!Oh,man!He never played before either.I think beginner's luck is very important in Cups!Let's play one more hand. One more hand.No more! I cannot lose another dime. I'm serious this time.In fact,look.I wanna give you something.Let me give it to you before I pawn it for Cups money.I want you to have the big,white dog...as a thank-you for being such a great roommate.I can't take the big white dog. You love it.It's "him." Not "it."What if I bought it from you?Then your nice gesture would be giving it to me at a reasonable price. Say $1500?Wait a second. I see what you're trying to do here.You're trying to give me money again!When did I try to give you money?Over there with the bills!You tried to give me charity, I said no, you dropped it.We had a nice last night together.We had some fun,we gambled,nobody tried to give anybody any money. Now you start with the charity thing again!I'm trying to help you out. I wanna make sure that you're okay.I will be okay.You gotta get it out of your head that I can't take care of myself. I'm not gonna miss you helping me out with money.The only thing I'm gonna miss...is you.And now the dog.-Call me when you get there,okay? -Okay.I'm really gonna miss you.I have your key.-Here you go. -Thanks.God,this is silly. I'll see you in a couple of hours.Bye,house.再见-She really left. -I know.-Thank you. -No problem,roomie.-Can I ask you a question? -Sure.What the hell is that dog doing here?I invented the game of Cups as a way to give Joey money.-And now you want that money back? -Exactly.What kind of idiot do you take me for?It's not a real game. I made it up.I'm sorry you lost your money. But I won it fair and square.At a fake game!If you wanna try to make some of it back...I'd be glad to play you for it. But I should warn you.I am very good at Cups.I assume the saucer card came up when you played last.Let's see if it comes up this time.。
Okay.I'm moving out, so you're in charge of paying the rent.-When's it due? -On the first.And that's every month?No, just the months you want to live here.Okay, here's the phone bill.Oh, my God!That's our phone number.I know I kind of sprung this me-moving-out-on-you thing.-Why don't I cover you for a while? -No way!Joey Tribbiani does not take charity...anymore.-It's not charity, Joe. -Forget it.Thanks, but I'm done taking money from you.I can take care of myself. What's next? Come on.Here's the electric bill.-This is how much we pay for electric? -Well,yeah.So we'll do the rest of the bills later,then?The One On The Last Night20I offered him money, but he wouldn't take it.How much does he need?$1500 would cover him for a few months...but I have to trick him into taking it so I don't hurt his pride.Why don't you hire him as an actor?You could have him dress up and put on skits whenever you want.Well, that would help the pride thing.Wow, you look great! Do you wanna move in with me tomorrow?好啊好Any plans for tonight?Instead of being sad on my last night with Rachel...we're going out to celebrate Rachel's moving in with Phoebe.-And also my birthday. -It's not your birthday.What a mean thing to say! I'd never tell you it wasn't your birthday.You guys have anything planned for the big last night?Instead of just hanging out, we figure we'd do nothing.Knicks' season opener tonight. I thought you'd come and watch it.I don't know,Ross.Not if you talk about how you gave up basketball to become a paleontologist.I did give up a career in basketball to become a paleontologist!-Phoebe.. -You're not dressed yet?We're supposed to start having fun in 15 minutes!And clearly, not a minute sooner.You are packed,though, right? Please tell me you're packed?Of course I'm packed. Monica,relax.I wanted to ask Phoebe what I should wear.My God,I can't get a minute of peace.Oh,my God!Monica's just gonna kill you.I know.What you're wearing is fine for that.瑞秋，我要借…You're not packed!You're not packed even a little bit!Surprise!Don't get mad, because this is what happened.I started packing, then I realized,"What am I doing?"I am lousy at packing,right?But you love packing!So as a gift to you on our last night....I'll be coordinator!Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I didn't get you anything. Everybody has to help. Phoebe, can you help?I have plans.-You have plans with us. -That's right.Chandler can make boxes, Ross can wrap and Joey can lift. Tell the guys they have to help out.My God,thank you!Monica's gonna make you pack! She's got jobs for everyone! Now, it's too late for me, but save yourselves!The movers will be here in 11 hours. Rachel hasn't packed. Now, everybody has to help. Chandler..I have plans with Joey.-You said you were doing nothing. -Yes,but for the last time. Fine. Now,Ross..-I can't do it. -Why not?-Don't you have Ben? -Because I have Ben!It's almost past his bedtime. Where is he?He's at a dinner party.He's really coming? I can see in your apartment.Of course he is. What?You think I'd use my son as an excuse?What kind of father do you think I am?All right. Sorry.I gotta go make a fake Ben.Here it is.Our last pizzas together as roommates.I wish I knew that. I ordered Chinese.Well,that's okay.In a way it's kind of nice. You know?Our last dinner together. Me, bringing the food of my ancestors...you,the food of yours!I had an idea for what to do on our last night.What do you say we play a little foosball for money?Are you crazy? You haven't beaten me since my injury-plagued '97 season. -It'd be easier to give me your money. -Yes, it would.What do you say to $50?I say to it: "50 dollars,you are more than I have."If you know that you'll win, what difference does it make?-You're on. -Okay,let's play.The big game. Italy versus...China, apparently.Look,it's the Rollerblades.Oh,God!You remember when we got these?不记得I guess you weren't there.You guys, we said we were gonna have fun.Come on. Hey, remember the time....You don't remember?Sorry,Phoebe. I'm just really sad that I'm leaving.I'm gonna miss you so much.This doesn't have to be so sad, though,you know? Instead of thinking about how you'll miss each other... you should think of the things you're not gonna miss.I don't think there's anything.Come on,there's gotta be something.She's perfect.I have one.Okay, you can go first.I guess I'm not gonna miss the fact...that you're never allowed to move the phone pen. That's a good one. Okay, Monica, anything?You know, does Rachel move the phone pen? Sometimes.Always, actually.There you go. Doesn't everyone feel better?Not just the phone pen.I never get my messages.You get your messages.It doesn't count if you have to read them off your hand...after you've fallen asleep on the couch.So you missed a message from who? Chandler?Or your mom?Or Chandler?Or your mom?It worked! No one's sad!I win again!That's,like, 500 bucks you owe me!Man! Five hundred dollars.That is a lot of electricity,huh?I gotta buy some food.Give me a chance to win my money back. Sudden death...one goal,$1000.-You serious? -Yes!Get ready to owe me.Here we go. Ready?No...one can beat me!That's why only the little fake men are supposed to do the kicking. Hi, Ross. See, other people call me!Oh, your brother. Score!What's up?I'm here with Ben.Thought we'd say hi.-Put him on. -Ben,say hi to Aunt Monica.I guess he doesn't feel like talking right now.He's smiling,though.Okay, talk to you later.You know, Daddy was gonna be a basketball player.I think it was better when you guys were sad.Hey, remember the Rollerblades?You know what else I won't miss? "I'm Monica.I wash the toilets 17 times a day, even if people are on it!""Hi,I'm Rachel. Is my sweater too tight?I'd better wash it and shrink it!""I'm Monica. I never get messages from interesting people."I call her."Oh, my God! I love Ross. I hate Ross. I love Ross. I hate Ross!" "My God! I can't find a boyfriend.I'll stumble across the hall and sleep with the first guy I find there!" You guys, come on, this is the last night!Yeah,you're right, and so for the last time I would like to ask you:Boo-hoo. Get out of my room!We should get a move on if we want to make those dinner reservations. Still broken?It sucks,man.Your last night,and I lose the two most important things:The foosball table...and $500.There are other ways to win back your money. How about blackjack? Not my game.You know what? We can play a new game.-It's fun! -What's it called?Cups.-I don't know how. -I'll teach you. It's easy and fun.-All right. -Here you go.I have two queens. What do you have?-A 2 and a 5. -You win! Fifty dollars!-Really? -Let's play again.-What have you got? -4 and a 9.You're kidding,right?-No. Why? -That's a full cup!Damn, I am good at Cups!I'm not talking to her.You have to take the first step...because she's the one who's leaving. It's harder for her.Maybe you're right.But she made fun of my phone pen!I know. I took it hard too.She's in there right now, crying. I can hear her.She's not crying.She's holding it in. She's so brave. Go.I feel bad about what happened..-What are you doing? -I'm unpacking.I'm not moving. Is that picture straight?It needs to go about 20 blocks to the left.You're the one who wants this big change and to move in with Chandler!You should go! Why do I have to leave?-It's my apartment! -It's mine too! What else you got?How about: You're moving!This is ridiculous.We should be packing you!-Hey, how you guys doing? -Great. Monica's moving.I am not!Really? How come all your stuff is in this box?Okay, you guys, I think I know what's going on here!You guys? Stop!I know you're acting mad because it'll make it easier to leave.But deep down,you're really sad. Deep,deep down.-No, Phoebe, I am mad! -Well,deep deep deep down!I'm just mad.Then keep running.You win!-What did you have? -Nothing beats...a three and a six.That, my friend, is "D Cup."How much have you won so far?-700. -Not 700 exactly?Double it.In Cups, once you get $700, you have to double it.I didn't make up the rules.Now, after you receive the doubling bonus, you get one card.That one card could be worth $100, which brings your total to $1500.Don't get excited, that won't happen unless you get the.. No way! This is the last box of your clothes.I'm just gonna label it "What were you thinking?"I was just gonna go across the hall and write that on Chandler. Guys, I don't wanna make things worse, but...I don't wanna live with Rachel anymore.-What? -You're so mean to each other.I don't wanna end up like that with Rachel. I still like you.That's fine because I'm not moving.Phoebe, you gotta take her.I said some bad stuff...but Rachel has qualities that make her a good roommate.Like what, Monica?She has 147,000 pair of boots.Good start,Mon.She lets you borrow them.And you stretch them out with your big old clown feet.Do you wanna live outside? Because it's getting cold!She gets tons of catalogs and folds down the pages of things I'd like. What else?When I take a shower...she leaves me notes on the mirror.I do. I do do that.That's nice. I like having things to read in the bathroom.When I fall asleep on the couch...she covers me with a blanket.Well,you know, I don't want you to be cold.And when I told her I was gonna move in with Chandler...she was really supportive.You were so great.You made it so easy.And now you have to leave.And I have to live with a boy!It's gonna be fine.Now I can't wait to live with you!You know what we should do?Bring Monica, and we'll live together! We'll have so much fun!I think she's moving in with Chandler.Oh,that's right. You're still set on that?Kind of.Oh,my God!How's the packing going?Ben? He's fine. He's right.. Oh, my God!Get your head out of your shirt there, son!Yeah, it's a pumpkin. I'll come pack.-What's wrong? -Ross and I were helping pack...took a little break. I lost $1500 to him in Cups!How did you lose at Cups?The same way you lost!I started out with the king and the queen. Bam! Ross gets a 2 and a 3. Then I get a jack and a king. Boom! Ross gets a 4 and 5.Even Ross was getting the Cup card, the D Cup...the sitting-down bonus. I didn't even get half a cup! Nothing!Oh,man!He never played before either.I think beginner's luck is very important in Cups!Let's play one more hand. One more hand.No more! I cannot lose another dime. I'm serious this time.In fact,look.I wanna give you something.Let me give it to you before I pawn it for Cups money.I want you to have the big,white dog...as a thank-you for being such a great roommate.I can't take the big white dog. You love it.It's "him." Not "it."What if I bought it from you?Then your nice gesture would be giving it to me at a reasonable price. Say $1500?Wait a second. I see what you're trying to do here.You're trying to give me money again!When did I try to give you money?Over there with the bills!You tried to give me charity, I said no, you dropped it.We had a nice last night together.We had some fun,we gambled,nobody tried to give anybody any money. Now you start with the charity thing again!I'm trying to help you out. I wanna make sure that you're okay.I will be okay.You gotta get it out of your head that I can't take care of myself. I'm not gonna miss you helping me out with money.The only thing I'm gonna miss...is you.And now the dog.-Call me when you get there,okay? -Okay.I'm really gonna miss you.I have your key.-Here you go. -Thanks.God,this is silly. I'll see you in a couple of hours.Bye,house.再见-She really left. -I know.-Thank you. -No problem,roomie.-Can I ask you a question? -Sure.What the hell is that dog doing here?I invented the game of Cups as a way to give Joey money.-And now you want that money back? -Exactly.What kind of idiot do you take me for?It's not a real game. I made it up.I'm sorry you lost your money. But I won it fair and square.At a fake game!If you wanna try to make some of it back...I'd be glad to play you for it. But I should warn you.I am very good at Cups.I assume the saucer card came up when you played last.Let's see if it comes up this time.。
-Okay,Chandler. -Okay.And your horoscope says:"On the 5th,a special someone will give you a gift."Well,thank you in advance."But the 12th brings a lover's spat."You're going to make fun of my present.Why would you do that?Wait. "On the 19th, a secret crush announces itself."-Hey,guys. -Hey.It's Joey Tribbiani of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.That's right. It's your first day.Are you psyched to fight crime with your robot sidekick?Am I? The lead in my own TV series?I've dreamed about this for years!Why have I not been preparing?You're gonna be great.But I gotta act with a robot. I know nothing about technology.I can't even use Chandler's computer, except to find porn.And that's only because it's there when you turn it on.Our spat will start early this month.I'll be waiting.The One Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad23I'm deciding which one to use. I'm going to write another book. Because the last one was such a big seller?If you must know, I have written 14 books.And as I'm the only one who has read them...I can tell you that they have been well received.But I lost all of them in the fire.So this one I'm gonna keep in an asbestos-lined box far away from Rachel. Who I forgive.What are you doing later?Rachel and I have to get our hair cut.-We do? -I wanna see what he wants.Elizabeth's dad wants to meet me.Wait a minute. Hold the phone.You're not Elizabeth's dad?That's the only one you get.And he hates me.He asked Elizabeth why she'd want to go out with a guy...who couldn't get a girl his own age.And what did she say to that?And that's yours.Come on. I really want this guy to like me.It would really help if you guys could make me look good.-Of course we'll help. -Thanks.We know how tough those parent-teacher conferences can be.-So here's your office set. -Wow!Mac Machiavelli,private investigator.Look at all the books I've read.Let's get you to wardrobe.When do I meet the robot?Right now. He's right here.Joey Tribbiani,this is..Wow! He's so lifelike.Unbelievable.This is Wayne,the man who created and operates C.H.E.E.S.E. How do you do there,buddy?I'll let you two guys get acquainted.Sorry about that.-So where's C.H.E.E.S.E.? -C.H.E.E.S.E. is right here.Nice to meet you,Mac.-This is the temporary robot,right? -No. Why?I thought it was gonna be a really cool robot.Like the Terminator, or when I first saw you.I spent two years developing this. It's state of the art.Sorry. It doesn't look like it can do anything.It can do this.This is my father, Paul Stevens. Dad, this is Ross Geller.It's great to meet you,Paul.I prefer that Liz's boyfriends address me as Mr. Stevens.Of course. Mr. Stevens.So,Ross...what's your problem?Excuse me?Why can't you get a girlfriend your own age?It's funny...It's not funny.I don't like you going out with my daughter,Ross.Okay,I can see that.I think if you give me one chance, I can change your mind.-Okay. -What?Okay. I'll give you one chance to change my mind.You've got one minute.-Daddy. -Fine. Two minutes. Go.A minute and 50 seconds.I want you to know, I've never done anything like this before.I mean,I've been in relationships in general.But I've never done it with a student. I mean,not...Not "it." We haven't done "it."I mean,we've done stuff...Okay. A joke. Lighten the mood.Two guys go into a bar. One of them is Irish.-I'm Irish. -And the Irish guy wins the joke.Ross! How crazy that we would run into you.Oh,my God! Thank you.I'd like you to meet my friends. This is Phoebe, Monica and Chandler. -Phoebe. -Hello.-Monica. -Hi.Chunder.-Chandler. -Never going to remember that.You're Elizabeth's dad? I see where she gets her...rugged handsomeness.Is there a Mrs. Stevens?There's a Mr. Bing!Unfortunately,Lizzie's mom passed away after she was born.I raised her by myself.I get that a lot.Why don't we all take a seat?I'll get us all some coffees.Yeah,why don't you...Talk about whatever you want.Whatever pops into your head.It is strange seeing Ross here, this time of day...because usually he's at the children's hospital.But not looking for dates.Monica is Ross's sister.He's a great brother!I had a sister.She passed away.You don't have to do that every time.But Ross is a great guy. I was roommates with him in college. Funny story...Your roommate in college died, didn't he?A part of him did,yes.Here we are,Paul,Elizabeth.I hope you guys are finding something to talk about.-Yes. We were just.. -Sorry I'm late.But I am ready to talk you up.-When does Liz's father get here? -I'm already here.Ross is so great!Hey,Phoebe. How's the book writing going?Really well. I'm up to page 47.-Wow! What are you writing? -Page numbers.Honey,you got the kind with the little girl.You said you'd buy the kind with the baby.-You said the baby creeps you out. -The little girl does.-You said the baby. -Why would a baby creep me out?Why would the little girl creep you out?Can you please talk a little slower?-This is for your book? -It's about relationships.The traps,the pitfalls, what not to do.Keep going. This stuff's great.Excuse me.And how none of it matters when the people really love each other. And how people will believe anything as long as it's a compliment. -Oh,hi! -Hi.-I left my keys here somewhere. -Well,let's look for them.Hey,look! Are these them?No.All right.-Here they are. -Good.-Thanks for your help. -Wait! Sorry!-Mr. Paul? -Just call me Paul.Paul. I just wanted you to know that...Ross really is a great guy.Maybe you could date him. It'd save me the trouble of killing him. Are you okay?You don't look old enough to have a 20-year-old daughter.Well,we were very young when we had her.-We? -It usually takes two people to...Oh,no! Yes! Of course. I know that!What I meant was are you still "we" or are you just you?I'm just me.My wife died shortly after Lizzie was born.So you raised her all on your own?Yes,I did.-What are you writing there? -I'm drawing a picture of you.Well,that's very flattering.But it'd be great if you could draw me with some clothes and a head. How was your first day?Pretty good. Except I got attitude from the robot.Damn those robots. They're supposed to be our faithful servants!It was the guy who controls the robot.He hates me. He had C.H.E.E.S.E. knock over the sandwich table... right when I was reaching for one.Why don't you get him fired?I may have to. I hate to do it. But I'm the star,you know?There's a limit to how many sandwiches I can eat off the floor. Excuse me.Joey Tribbiani.Joe! I'm glad I found you! I got an audition for you.But it's kind of on the q.t.The actor who has the part doesn't know he might be fired.It's the lead in a series.Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.I'm the lead in Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.Joey?Hi,Ross.I was just getting him to like you.Joey!Ross,Joey is not here.I'll just wait for him in here!Ross,it's okay. You can come out.Yeah. It's okay. It's me...Mr. Stevens.I didn't... Oh,my gosh. I didn't even see you.You did. You came in, got all awkward and ran to the bedroom. You were shouting,"Joey!"-Bye,Rachel. -Bye.I'll call you later.-See you. -Bye,Ross.What? What the..? How did...? What?You know, he lost his keys. So he was looking for them.In your mouth?No!Downstairs. And we got to talking...for two hours. I liked him. I invited him for coffee.You were at the coffeehouse!What's the big deal? So I kissed the guy.He is my girlfriend's father. It's weird!-You dated my sister! -That was different!-What? Why? -This is weird for me!Ross,look. This is good for you.Let's face it. So far the guy's not loving you.But I can turn that around. I've got the inside track.We could all go out to dinner. And I could talk you up.Plus the guy is a very successful lawyer.-How is that important? -It's important!There's a million guys who can play Mac...and there's one robot.And this one guy who controls it. I didn't know he could get me fired. -What am I gonna do? -You're a pretty charming guy.Thanks. But I have a problem to deal with.No,you've got to win over the guy who controls C.H.E.E.S.E.Go back there and kiss some serious robot ass!That's not a bad idea!If I have to be charming tomorrow, I'm not wasting it on you guys.I got some saved for you, Phoebe.Do you think Joey is more charming than me?Yeah. That's why I'm sleeping with him on the side.You wish."You wish."Stop writing about us.I'm not writing about you. I'm writing about other people.-Who? -Marsha and Chester.Fine. Then you know what? I will just write about Phyllis. -"Phyllis is sitting in the chair." -I see what you're doing. "Phyllis sees what I'm doing."I have tasted my own medicine and it is bitter!Morning!How's my favorite genius and his robot?-Don't touch him! -Okay.Level with me. I keep hearing rumors that I might get fired.They even have actors reading for my part.Come on. You gotta give me a second chance.I love this little guy.That's why you didn't want me to touch him,right?I can't believe it. God!Hey,how are you doing?So it seemed that my prom date had stood me up.So Ross selflessly offered to take me.What a nice story.So Ross was in college...and decided to jump at the chance to take a young girl to her prom.I definitely did not see that one backfiring.-I'm going to the bathroom. -Take your time.I was a freshman and she was a senior. So it wasn't as bad as.. Look. I know I've been giving you a lot of jabs.It's partly because I'm very protective of Lizzie...and partly because they just keep coming to me.I admit after all the wonderful things Lizzie told me...and the many,many,many stories that Rachel has told me... well...you're not...all bad."Not all bad."I'm sorry I was so harsh. But you have to understand.I still look at Lizzie like she's a 12-year-old girl.I know what you mean. I do that too.-I beg your pardon? -I don't see her as a 12-year-old.I mean,I have a son who is 6 and I still think of him as a baby. -A son? -My ex-wife and I share custody of Ben. Incidentally,Carol and I are on excellent terms...as I'm sure you are with your wife.I'm sorry.It's unbelievable!Don't worry. I didn't realize you were married.We were. But that was just a...That was just a big drunken mistake.You're back.You two were married?I'm sorry. You were talking about Emily.We said we would meet at the coffeehouse at 6:00.We said 7:00.We said 6:00!The only way that I said 6:00...would be if I said the sentence, "Let's meet at 7:00,not at 6:00."If I had said 7:00,I would have said:"My boyfriend is such a wiseass. 7:00!"-Hi! -Oh,my good God!-I know what time you said. -What?Well,I know what time Chester and Marsha said.What time?Interesting turn of events.Suddenly it's my book to the rescue. Let's see.Very interesting.Well this certainly clears things up.What does it say?I will tell you as soon as you thank me for writing my book.Thank you for writing your book. It's a great book...and you are the queen of everything.Thanks. So are you.I told you I should not wear this color."Monica.. Marsha and Chester are planning on seeing a movie Sunday. "Marsha thinks they're meeting at 6:00. Chester thinks it's 7:00."-You knew we were gonna miss the movie? -Right.Instead of telling us, you decided to write it in your stupid book? "Marsha and Chester are mad at Phyllis."I can't believe I'm gonna lose this job.I'm so sorry,man. Is there anything I can do?Help me get this mini-fridge past the security guard.Joey,I want to talk to you.I don't want to talk to you.I hate you. You ruined my life.-Chandler,Wayne. Wayne,Chandler. -Hi.I'll get you your job back if you help me out.Why should I help you out?-The reason he just said. -What do you need?I saw you on stage talking to that beautiful woman.You know,Sarah. I wish I could talk to her.-Are you in love with her? -Yeah.Her. All of them. Anyone.Yeah. I've been there, my friend.Listen,I guarantee you keep your job...if you can teach me to talk to women like you do.You can't teach it. It's something you're born with.You can teach it. I can show you right now.-Really? -Sure. Yeah. I taught him.Yeah. You should see the woman I'm with, way out of my league. In fact,if you want,I can get you her.Well,if you think about it...Ross did learn something from each marriage.How to make the next one even shorter?Wait a minute. That's not fair.He was married to me a hell of a lot longer than he was to Emily. He just didn't tell me.Maybe I have to pee again.Well,this is fun.So, Ross, did you kill any of these wives?I have had enough of this! I care a great deal about your daughter. And I have treated her with respect!So if you've got a problem with me..-Are you yelling at me? -God,no.You know what? If you don't like Ross,that's fine.It doesn't matter. I'm going out with him anyway.Really?Well, if it doesn't matter to her...it doesn't matter to me. Still not yelling.What can I say?I still don't like you.I'm not so crazy about myself right now either.-Then we agree? -I guess so.-Neither of us like Ross. -I like Ross.Kids!I just thought of a story about how nice Ross is.That's okay. We're not liking Ross right now.Well,I got a lot of those too.You were right,C.H.E.E.S.E.-The shipment never made it to Omaha? -You got it.And the rabbi's beard? 100 percent horsehair.Nice catch, C.H.E.E.S.E.It's your line,C.H.E.E.S.E.Wayne! Wayne!。
