英语笑话

十个简短的英语小笑话笑话是一种颇受人们喜爱的民间叙事类型,材料丰富,有广泛的现实基础。

小编精心收集了十个简短的英语小笑话，供大家欣赏学习!十个简短的英语小笑话篇1The Right LegProctor(exceedingly angry): "So you confess that this unfortunate freshmanwas kicked to this frog pond and drenched?Now what part did you take in this disgracefulaffair?"Soph. (meekly):"The right leg, sir."学监(非常生气)：“现在你承认这可怜的新生被踢进这蛙池里，浑身湿透?那么你在这不光彩的事情里扮演了什么角色呢?”二年级学生(恭顺地)：“右腿，先生。

”十个简短的英语小笑话篇2The master, to impress on his pupils the need of thinking before speaking, told them tocount fifty before saying anything important, and one hundred if it was very important. Thenext day he was speaking, standing with his back to the fire, when he noticed several lipsmoving rapidly. Suddenly the whole class shouted: Ninety-eight, ninety-nine, a hundred. Yourcoat is on fire, sir!老师为了让学生记住先思考后发言，告诉他们在说出重要事情之前先数到50，如果是特别重要的事情，要先数到100。

英语小笑话6篇店铺为大家整理的一些英语小笑话，希望我们的笑话栏目能够给你的生活带来一丝欢笑。

英语小笑话一：What are the Two Words?A very nice old lady had a few words to say to her granddaughter. My dear, said the old lady, I wish you would do something for me. I wish you would promise me never to use two words. One is ‘lousy’ and the other is ‘swell’. Would you promise me that?Why, sure, Granny, said the girl. What are the two words?一个非常和蔼的老夫人有几句话要对她的孙女说。

我亲爱的，老夫人说，我希望你能帮我一个忙。

我要你答应永远不要用两个词，一个是“讨厌的”，另一个是“极好的”。

你能答应我吗?噢，当然，奶奶。

女孩说：是哪两个词?英语小笑话二：奇猜异想Our physics professor was struggling to draw the class into discussion of Archimede's principle of water displacement. He told us that Archimede noticed that when he got into a pool at the public bathhouse, the water rose spilling over the edge. Excited at his discovery, he ran down the street yelling, "Eureka, eureka!" The instructor asked if anyone knew what that meant.One student stood up and answered, "I'm naked ! I'm naked!"我们的物理教授千方百计引导我们讨论阿基米德的排水原理。

英式英语笑话5篇下面是店铺整理的英式英语笑话，欢迎大家阅读!英语笑话一：Talking on the TelephoneEach Sunday the minister called the children to the front of the church while he told them a story. Once he brought a telephone to better illustrate the idea of prayer."You talk to people on the telephone and don't see them on the other end of the line, right?" he began.The children nodded yes. "Well, talking to God is like talking on the telephone. He's on the other end, but you can't see him. He is listening though."Just then a little boy piped up and asked, "What's his number?"每个星期天牧师都会把孩子们叫到教堂前面，然后给他们讲一个故事。

一天，他为了更好地阐述祈祷的含义，带来了一台电话机。

“你们和别人在电话里交谈，并没有看到电话线另一端的人，对吗?”他开始问道。

孩子们点头称是。

“好的，和上帝交谈就象通过电话交谈一样。

他就在另一端，虽然你看不见他，但是他正在聆听你的心声。

”就在这时，一个小男孩尖着嗓子问道：“那他的电话号码是什么?”英语笑话二：The Name of a PoetOur teacher was telling us about a new system of memory training being used in some schools today. It works like this, she said. Suppose you wanted tore member the name of a poetRobert Burns, for instance. She told us to think of him as Bobby Burns. Now get in your head a picture of a London policeman, a bobby in flames. See? Bobby Burns! I see what you mean, said the class know it all. But how can you tell that it's Not Robert Browning?我们的老师正在给我们介绍现在某些学校使用的一种新的记忆训练系统。

英语爆笑小笑话12篇下面是店铺整理的英语爆笑小笑话，希望大家会喜欢!英语爆笑小笑话：智力缺陷"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," Bob asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied, "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." "Well, what sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' " Bob thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."“医生，你能不能告诉我，”鲍勃问，“对于一个看上去很正常的人，你是怎样判断出他有智力缺陷的呢?”“再没有比这容易的了，”医生回答，“问他一个简单的问题，简单到所有人都知道答案，如果他回答得不干脆，那你就知道是怎么回事了。

英语幽默笑话英语幽默笑话（精选15篇） 在繁忙的学习⼯作中，适时读⼀些幽默笑话，放松⾃⼰，劳逸结合⼗分重要。

下⾯是⼩编为你整理的⼏则英语幽默精彩段⼦，让你笑到停不下来 英语幽默笑话篇1 ⼀、我是单⾝汉 Jack feell off his bicycle and got hurt.A beautiful young nurse asked him to fill forms.Jack finished them and gave them back."Anything else?" The nurse asked."Yes,"Jack thinks for a while and said,"I'm a bachelor." 杰克骑车摔伤,得住院治疗.⼀位年轻美貌的护⼠拿着表格让填.仞杰克填好递上表格"还有什么漏填的?"护⼠问."有!"杰克想了想说,"我是个单⾝汉." ⼆、死于肝癌的⼈100%都吃饭 Wife:You see.According to te statistics on the paper 80% of those who have died of liver cancer have drunk alcoho. Husband:It's okey.To my investigation,all Thespeopleeat meals. 妻⼦：你看这张报纸,据统计,死于肝癌的⼈80%都是喝酒的. 丈夫：那有什么?据我调查,死于肝癌的⼈100%都吃饭的. 三、位置上的冰激凌 "Excuse me,but the seat you've taken is mine." "Yours?Can you prove it?" "Yes,I put a cup of ice cream on it." "请原谅,你占了我的位置." "你的位置?你能征明这点吗?" "能,我在位置上放了杯冰激凌." 四、别⽆选择 One day,Eve asked Adam,"Doyou really love me?" Adam said helplessly,"Do I have any other choice?" ⼀天,夏娃问亚当："你当真爱我吗?" 亚当⽆可奈何地回答："我还有的选择吗?" 五、两个男孩 Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room. The teacher says,"Why are you arguing?" One boy answers,"We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie." "You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher,"When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was." The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher. 当⽼师⾛进教室时,两个男孩在争论. ⽼师是说：你们在争论什么? ⼀个男孩回答：‘我们捡到⼀张10块,我们决定把它给⼀个说最⼤的谎的⼈.’ ‘你们应该觉得羞耻’⽼师说,‘当我像你们那么⼤的时候,我连什么是说谎都不知道.’ 两个男孩把钱给了那个⽼师. 六、两只鸟 Teacher:Here are two birds,one is a swallow,the other is sparrow.Now who can tell us which is which? Student:I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher:Please tell us. Student:The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow. ⽼师：这⼉有两只鸟,⼀只是⿇雀.谁能指出哪只是燕⼦,哪只是⿇雀吗? 学⽣：我指不出,但我知道答案. ⽼师：请说说看. 学⽣：燕⼦旁边的`就是⿇雀,⿇雀旁边的就是燕⼦. 七、鱼⽹ "Can you tell me what fish net is made,Ann?" "A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl. "你能告诉我鱼⽹是什么做的吗," ⽼师发问道. "把许多⼩孔⽤绳⼦栓在⼀起就成了鱼⽹了." ⼩⼥孩回答道. ⼋、他赢了 Tommy:How is your little brother,Johnny?Johnny:He is ill in bed.He hurt himself. Tommy:That's too bad.How did that happen? Johnny:We played who could lean furthest out of the window,and he won. 汤姆：约翰尼,你⼩弟弟好吗? 约翰尼：他害病卧床了.他受了伤. 汤姆：真糟糕,怎么回事⼉? 约翰尼：我们做游戏,看谁能把⾝⼦探出窗外最远,他赢了. 选我吧 英语幽默笑话篇2 ⼼不在焉的⽼师 An Absent Minded ProfessorA notoriously absentminded professor was one day observed walking along the street withone foot continually in the gutter，the other on the pavement. A pupil meeting him said： “Good evening，professor.How are you? “Well，” answered the professor，“I thought I was all right when I left home，but now I don't know what's the matter with me.I've been limping for the last half hour.” 有⼀天，⼈们看见⼀个有名的⼼不在焉的⽼师在路上⾛，他的⼀只脚⼀直踏在街沟⾥，另⼀只脚踩在⼈⾏道上。

英语幽默笑话（优秀10篇）英国人有他们独特的英式幽默，他们流传的英语冷笑话让人会心一笑，今天，小编给同学们收集、整理了几则特别有趣的英语冷笑话，希望大家能开心开心，一起来看看吧! 篇一一、The little girl did not like the look of the barking dog.It#39;s all right, said a gentleman, don#39;t be afraid. Don#39;t you know the proverb: Barking dogs don#39;t bite?Ah, yes, answered the little girl. I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?一个小女孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。

“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：吠狗不咬人。

;”“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗？”二、One student to another: How are your English lessons coming along?Fine. I used to be one who couldn#39;t understand the English men, and now it#39;s the English men who can#39;t understand me.一位学生对另一位说：“你的英语最近学的怎么样？”“很好，我过去不懂英国人说话，可现在是英国人不懂我的话了。

”三、An old lady who was very deaf and who thought everything too dear, went into a shop and asked the shopman:#39; How much this stuff?#39;#39;Seven dollars, Madam, it is very cheap.#39;The lady said, #39;It is too much, give it to me for fourteen.#39;#39;I did not say seventeen dollars, but seven.#39;#39;It is still too much,#39; replie()d the old lady, #39;give it to me for five.#39;一位耳聋并且总是嫌东西太贵的老太太走进一家商店。

英语经典冷笑话6篇下面是店铺整理的英语经典冷笑话，欢迎大家阅读!英语经典冷笑话：An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: Anyone knows the formula for water?Sure. That's easy, said one man.What is it?H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O.What, what? reasked the instructor.H to O, explained the chemistry expert.生化战争课的老师在课堂上问士兵们：谁知道水的分子式?当然，太简单了。

一个士兵回答道。

是什么?H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O.什么，什么?老师又问道。

H to O，化学专家解释道。

英语经典冷笑话:Seth Smith was reckoned the laziest man in town. Sotired had the authorities become of contributing to his supportthat they decided to consign him to a living tomb. Accordinglyhe was prepared for burial. The hearse was an old ramshacklecountry wagon.As the strange cortege moved along some old residentasked, Who is it?Why, Seth Smith, who is too lazy to get anything to liveon, so we are going to bury him alive.I'll give him a bushel of corn, said one. And I will，said another.Slowly raising his head, Seth asked: Is the corn shelled，neighbor?No，you must do that yourself.Gently replacing his head, he said: Drive on, boys, drive on.塞思·史密斯被公认为镇上头号懒人。

英语搞笑笑话8篇下面是店铺整理的英语搞笑笑话8篇，欢迎大家阅读!英语搞笑笑话：Imitation 模仿A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach. Well, sit down and eat your tea, said his mother. Your stomach's hurting because it's empty. It'll be all right when you've got something in it.Shortly afterwards Dad come in from the office, complaining of a headache.That's because it's empty, said his bright son. You'd be all right if you had something in it.一个男孩放学回家时，觉得肚子痛。

来，坐下，吃点点心，妈妈说，你肚子痛是因为肚子是空的。

吃点东西就会好的。

一会儿，男孩的爸爸下班回家了，说是头痛。

你头痛是因为你的脑袋是空的，他那聪明的儿子说，里面装点东西，就会好的。

英语搞笑笑话：Fried chickenIn class the teacher showed pictures of various birds. Then he asked one of the students, "What kind of bird do you like best, Jack?"Jack thought a moment, then answered, "Fried chicken, sir."老师在课堂上向学生们展示了各种各样的鸟的照片。

然后他问其中一名学生，“杰克，你最喜欢哪种鸟儿啊?”杰克想了想，回答，“炸鸡，老师。

英语小笑话篇1英语小笑话The poor husband"You can’t imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife，" the man plained to his friend。

"She asks me a question，then answers it herself， and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong。

可怜的丈夫“你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说，“她问我一个问题，然后自我回答了，过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的。

”英语小笑话篇2"Tom, whats the matter with your brother?" asked the mother in the kitchen. "Hes crying.""Oh, nothing, Mum," replied Tom. "Im eating my cake. He is crying because I wont give him any.""But has he finished his own cake?""Yes." said Tom. "And he also cried when I was helping him finish that.""汤姆，你弟弟怎么了？" 妈妈在厨房里问。

"他在哭。

""没事儿，妈妈，" 汤姆答道。

"我在吃我的蛋糕。

他哭是因为我不给他吃。