东南大学英语话剧比赛孔雀东南飞剧本

孔雀东南飞焦仲卿johnny(jforshort)刘兰芝lunch(lforshort)焦母johnny’s mother(jmforshort)刘母lunch’s mother(lmforshort)太守之子mayor’sson(msforshort)强盗burglars(abandc)prologue(j作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,j被打中,狼狈不堪)j:everybody says that I’m hen pecked, but in fact,I’m a strong tiger,(小声)while my wife is wusong.(指着上台处的门大声道)I’m not afraid of you!(内砸出一脸盆,j接住当成盾牌护着头)then, I’m afraid of whom! my wife lunchi is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hood.she is braver than me,smarter than me and stronger than me .all this I donot care. I only want she to be tender than me. but she is not! Having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中j)my god! who can help me?(下)act1(序幕结束时,jm作窃听状)jm(拄拐棍上):I can!(对门内)lunch! lunch! where are you?(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’m here! what’s up ，mum?jm:I have told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother in law”.J:ok.my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law, what’s up?jm:since you married my son you have behaved so badly.you have been so rude, so brusque,solazy!J:but……jm:never interrupt me!J:never interrupt me! since i married your son, that terrible johnny,I have been working hard alldaylong,cooking and washing. I have raised tens of thousands of pigs and ducks and chickenand……jm:but all those you have done are not asvaluable as a grandson!J(生气地挥动着锅铲):oh,you want a grandson,don’t you?(开始解围裙)go and ask your son. I’m leaving!(扯下围裙,扔在jm的脸上,下)act2(lm坐在台上打毛线,J拿着锅铲上)L:mum, I’m back!lm:you are back?why?what happened?L:I was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.lm(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):see! i have already told you! when you insisted onmarrying that terrible johnny, I told you that he is ugly tupid and poor, but you did not listento me. look at yourself……l:but,mum……lm:never interrupt me!l:mum,i’m not inter rupting you. i just want to tell you that you are always right ok? andi’ll marry whomever you want me to.lm(大喜):nice girl! just now, i met the mayor’s son in the market.he said:“if your daughterhaven’t been married,i really really want to marry her!”now you are free again, i ’ll go and tell him.(下)l(惊愕):what? the mayor’s son?the most famous playboy in the neighbor-hood? (手中的锅铲掉在地上)what a silly thing i have done!(下)act3(j睡眼惺忪上)j(边走边道):lunch! lunch! where are mysocks?(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)here they are!(闻一下) er! how smelly! they are still dirty!(突然想起)lunch has gone! i have to wash them myself.(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)oh,i’m so hungry! but there’s no breakfast!(捡起地上的围裙)this is what lunch always wears! i miss her so much, and her excellent cooking skill! nowshe has gone.i have to cook for my mother and myself.jm(上):where’s my breakfast? where’slunch?hasn’t she got up yet?j:mum, can’t you remember?lunch has gone!jm(沉吟片刻):well, to tell you the truth johnny, a son without a wife is suseless. lunch is an icegirl,go and take her back!j(立正敬礼):yes madam!act4(j开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)a:hey you!stop and listen to us!the road is built by me!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)b:and i planted one tree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)c:if you want to go by this street---(欲踩石头，但踩到了a的脚)ab&c:give us all your money!j(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角硬币):is 1mao enough?(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)a:what bad luck! this guy is broken!b:if we cannot robany money today,we will havenot thing to eat tonight!c:i heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry miss liulanzhi next month.we can go androb the wedding!a&b:good idea!j(惊讶):what? what? lunch is going to get married? it’s impossible!ab&c:why? a pretty girl and a richman,what a good couple!j:but lunch is my wife! we haven’t got divorced yet!(突然有了主意)i’ve got an idea!you are going to rob the wedding, don’tyou? i’ll go with you. you take the money and i take the bride.b:have you got any experience?j:no. but i’ve got this!(j脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄1，000，000) act5(转眼已到了婚礼之期．ms意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，j盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)(j和三强盗跃至台中)abc&j:hey you! stop and listen to us!a:the road is built by me!b:and i planted one tree.c:if you want to go by this street---j:give us all your money!(l听到j的声音，掀起了盖头)l(惊喜万分):johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到j的身边并躲到了的身后)(ms大怒，挥拳向j打来．j矮身一躲，ms打中了j身后的l，l晕倒)j(火冒三丈):how dare you beat my wife!（挥拳向ms冲去）(j与ms混战，jm上，以拐杖击晕ms)(j将ms胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)j(扶起l，关切地问):honey, how are you?l(哭状):i hurt a lot!j:don’t cry baby.i’ll go and fetch the medicine. (下)l(起身去追):wait for me! (跑下)。

英语搞笑话剧《孔雀东南飞》焦仲卿Johnny(Jforshort)—黄玲俐刘兰芝Lunch(Lforshort)—陈贝嘉焦母Johnny’smother(JMforshort)—程芝刘母Lunch’smother(LMforshort)—何霜太守之子Mayor’sson(MSforshort)---客串,柯森强盗Burglars(ABandC)---柯森(J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪)J: Everybody says that I’m henpecked, but in fact , I’m as strong as a tiger,(小声)while my wife is Wu Song.(指着上台处的门大声道)I’m not afraid of you!(内砸出一脸盆,J接住当成盾牌护着头)Then, I’m afraid of whom?My wife Lunch is the most famous woman in the neighborhood. She is braver than me,smarter than me and stronger than me. All this I do not care. I only want her to etenderthan me. But she is not! Having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J)My God ! Who can help me?(下)Act1(序幕结束时,JM作窃听状)JM(拄拐棍上):I can!(对门内)Lunch! Lunch! Where are you?L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’m here! What’s up mum?JM: I’ve told you again and again that you should call me“ my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law”.L:OK .My most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law, what’s up?JM: Since you married my son you have been so badly .You have been so rude , so brusque , and so lazy……L: But……JM: Never interrupt me!L: Never interrupt me ! Since I married your son ,that terrible Johnny ,I have been working hard all day long, cooking and washing. I have raised ten pigs and ducks and chickenand……JM: But all those you have done are not as valuable as a grandson!son .I’m leaving! (扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下)Act2(LM坐在台上打毛线,L拿着锅铲上)L: Mum, I’m back!LM: You are back? Why? What happened?L:I was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.LM(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See! I have already told you! When youmarried Johnny, I have told you that he is ugly stupid and poor man ,but you did’t listento me .Look at yourself……L :But, mum……LM: Never interrupt me!L: Mum, I’m not interruping you .I just want to tell you that you are always right OK? And I’ll marry whomever you want me to.LM(大喜):Nice girl! Just now,I met the mayor’s son in the market. He said:“If you daughterh aven’t been married ,I really want to marry her!”Now you are free again ,I’ll goand tell him.(下)L(惊愕):What? The mayor’s son? The most amous play boy in the neighbor-hood?(手中的锅铲掉在地上)What a silly thing I have done!(下)(J睡眼惺忪上)Act3J(边走边道): Lunch! Lunch! Where are my socks?(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)Here the yare!(闻一下) Er! How smelly ! They are still dirty!(突然想起)Lunch has gone !I have to wash them myself.(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)Oh, I’m so hungry! But there ’s no breakfast! (捡起地上的围裙)This is what Lunch always wears! I miss her so much, and her excellent cookings ! Nowshe has gone. I have to cook for my mother and myself.J: Mum , can’t you remember? Lunch has gone!JM(沉吟片刻): Well, to tell you the truth Johnny ,a son without a wife is useless. Lunch is a nicegirl, go and take her back!J(立正敬礼):Yes madam!Act4(J开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)A :Hey you! Stop and listen to us!The road is built by me!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)And I planted one tree!If you want to go by this streetA :Give me all your money!J(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角硬币):Is 1 mao enough?(强盗晕倒状，接着想)A: What bad luck ! This guy is broken! If I can’t rob any money today, I will have nothing to eat tonight! I heard that ayor’s son is going to marry Miss Liu Lan zhi next month. I can go androb the wedding!J(惊讶):What? What? Lunch is going to get married? It’s impossible!A: Why? A pretty girl and a rich man, what a good couple!J: But Lunch is my wife! We haven’t got divorced yet!(突然有了主意)I’ve got an idea! You are going to rob the wedding, don’t you? I’ll gowith you. You take the money and I take the bride.A: Have you got any experience?J: No. But I’ve got this!(J脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄1，000，000)(转眼已到了婚礼之期．MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，J盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)(J和强盗跃至台中)A&J: Hey you! Stop and listen to us!J: And I planted one tree.A&J: If you want to go by this street--- Give us all your money!(L听到J的声音，掀起了盖头)L(惊喜万分):Johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到J的身边并躲到了的身后) (MS大怒，挥拳向J打来．J矮身一躲，MS打中了J身后的L，L晕倒) J(火冒三丈):How dare you beat my wife!（挥拳向MS冲去）(J与MS混战，JM上，以拐杖击晕MS)(J将MS胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)J(扶起L，关切地问):Honey, how are you?L(哭状):I hurt a lot!J: Don’t cry baby .I’ll go and fetch the medicine. (下)L(起身去追):Wait for me! (跑下)。

英语话剧男：尊敬的各位领导，嘉宾女：亲爱的同学们，大家合：晚上好男：精彩纷呈的表演将青春与活力尽情释放女：摩登时尚的英语让我们与世界紧密相连男：为了培养同学们的英语兴趣，创造展示自我的舞台，今晚，在这里，我们举办机电工程学院第14届英语话剧晚会。

女：首先为大家介绍一下莅临本次晚会的嘉宾，他们是：让我们以热烈的掌声欢迎他们的到来。

男：下面我宣布机电工程学院第十四届英语话剧晚会the power of youth合：现在--开始女：首先让我们欣赏由校街舞社团带来的开场舞we are young1上海滩（10）男：感谢校街舞社团的精彩表演!赵锐呀，你还是否记得当年许文强和冯程程艰难的爱情故事？女：当然了，那时的上海滩可谓是风靡一时呀！男：那就让我们一起欣赏一下由机电十班为我们演绎的那风云激荡的上海滩吧！女：掌声有请。

2.孔雀东南飞（6）女：“孔雀东南飞，五里一徘徊”想必大家都听过这熟悉的诗句。

“箜篌相和，琴瑟幽鸣”刘兰芝与焦仲卿之间的爱情故事给我们留下了深刻的印象。

男：而今晚六班带来的全新英文版话剧《孔雀东南飞》中的男女主人公又会碰撞出怎样的火花？让我们拭目以待。

3.三顾茅庐（8）男：刘备三顾茅庐，求得诸葛军师相助。

这段故事想必众人皆知，自古流传为一段佳话。

女：而今天，在工大的舞台上，他们穿越时空，摇身一变，已不再是当年那巧思善战的军师，而三顾茅庐的故事却因一段债务的纠纷所产生。

男：纠纷的背后到底隐藏着怎样的故事？有请机电八班带来的话剧《三顾茅庐》。

4.游戏环节5.唐伯虎点秋香（9）男：赵锐呀，我听说你特别擅长对对联。

今天呢，我就考考你,上联是，十口心思，思君思国思社稷。

女：嗯···我对的下联是，八目共赏，赏花赏月赏秋香。

男：说到秋香，就不得不提到当年风流倜傥的江南四大才子之首唐伯虎，他为了心中的爱人秋香，甘心做华府的仆人，放下了地位与身份，只为寻找真爱。

女：下面就请欣赏机电九班带来的话剧《唐伯虎点秋香》。

孔雀东南飞的剧本剧中人物（按出场顺序）：1 、焦母-- 焦仲卿之母，一个典型的封建卫道士，忌妒心极强。

2 、刘兰芝-- 庐江小吏焦仲卿之妻，一个孝顺而又知书答礼的女子。

3 、焦仲卿-- 刘兰芝之夫，庐江小吏，对爱情至死不渝，但又无法改变自己的命运。

4 、刘母-- 刘兰芝之母，一个无主见的家庭妇女。

5 、兰芝兄-- 刘兰芝的长兄，见钱眼开，贪图富贵而不顾一切。

6 、兰芝嫂-- 刘兰芝的大嫂。

忌妒、狡猾而又心狠手辣。

【旁白】故事发生在东汉末期，一对原本恩爱的夫妻，被生生拆散，两人为了保全彼此的爱情，最终双双殉情而死。

这样凄美的故事，在今日读来也令人感到痛彻心肺，我们宁愿相信他们并不是死去，而是在天上重新开始了他们幸福美满的生活。

所以我们希望通过这样的演绎方式，让大家再一次去体味爱的真谛……第一场分离【旁白】（舒缓的音乐）焦仲卿和刘兰芝结婚三年，一直恩恩爱爱，相敬如宾。

可惜焦母对这个儿媳不满，尽管兰芝日夜操劳，仍然不能让这位婆婆满意。

后来，焦仲卿在衙门里谋了个差使，常常不能回家，焦母则更加变本加厉，百般刁难。

这一天，焦母又把兰芝叫到房中。

[ 响起乌云滚滚，天地变色的音乐]焦母（气急败坏的）：兰芝，兰芝！刘兰芝：请问母亲，你有什么吩咐！焦母：现在你即是我的儿媳，那就应该听我的话！兰芝：儿媳当然要听母亲的话。

焦母：现在我儿已经去府里当差去了，我又年老体弱，你可要为家里多操心才是！兰芝：谨从母命！焦母：（不高兴地看了看她，实在找不出什么错处来，但是心里有愤恨不已）为什么，为什么我的儿子不娶那秦家的姑娘，你可知道人家可比你强万倍，强千倍呢！兰芝：（为难自语）我……焦母：为什么？为什么我的儿子会违背我的意思，你不过是一个普通的采桑女，而那秦家的女儿贤慧漂亮！知书达理！你跟她一比，就象星星和月亮，烛光和太阳一样！兰芝：不知母亲大人说得什么意思？焦母：你让我说出来吗？我告诉你，要是当年秦家女嫁到我家来，我早就抱孙子了！可是你，三年了都没有给我们焦家生下一男半女！兰芝：（吃惊地）母亲，我虽然来到焦家两年多没有给你们续后，可是我并没有做下件对不起焦家的事啊！每当天不亮，我就到井边打水，太阳都落山了，我还没有从地里回来……焦母：（不屑地）够了够了！刘家的大姑娘啊，我家仲卿娶你过门不是让你来给我们家干活的！若你不能生下个一男半女，不如早点离开我们家吧。

孔雀东南飞1 、焦母-- 焦仲卿之母，一个典型的封建卫道士，忌妒心极强。

2 、刘兰芝-- 庐江小吏焦仲卿之妻，一个孝顺而又知书答礼的女子。

3 、焦仲卿-- 刘兰芝之夫，庐江小吏，对爱情至死不渝，但又无法改变自己的命运。

4 、刘母-- 刘兰芝之母，一个无主见的家庭妇女。

5 、兰芝兄-- 刘兰芝的长兄，见钱眼开，贪图富贵而不顾一切。

6 、兰芝嫂-- 刘兰芝的大嫂。

忌妒、狡猾而又心狠手辣。

7 、王婆—媒人第一场分离【旁白】（舒缓的音乐）焦仲卿和刘兰芝两情相悦，结为连理，三年来一直恩恩爱爱，相敬如宾。

可惜焦母对这个儿媳不满，尽管兰芝小心侍奉，却仍然不能让这位婆婆满意。

这一天，焦母又把兰芝叫到房中。

焦母（气急败坏的）：兰芝，兰芝！刘兰芝：婆婆，你有什么吩咐！焦母：现在你即是我的儿媳，那就应该听我的话！兰芝：儿媳当然要听婆婆的话。

焦母：为什么？为什么我的儿子会违背我的意思，你不过是一个普通的姑娘，而那秦家的女儿秦罗敷贤慧漂亮！知书达理！你跟她一比，就象星星和月亮，烛光和太阳一样！兰芝：不知婆婆为何说这话？焦母：你让我说出来吗？我告诉你，要是当年秦罗敷嫁到我家来，我早就抱孙子了！可是你，三年了都没有给我们焦家生下一男半女！兰芝：婆婆，虽然我来到焦家三年没有给你们续后，可是我并没有做任何对不起焦家的事啊！每天起早贪黑，刺绣织布。

焦母：（不屑地）够了够了！我家仲卿娶你过门不是让你来给我们家干活的！若你不能生下个一男半女，不如早点离开我们家吧。

兰芝：（伤心欲绝）婆婆，既然我三年来的真心都换不来你的满意，那我走，我走！焦母：（得意、嘲讽）哼，你自己愿意走自然更好，这样我就可以早点去秦家提亲！（兰芝欲下场，仲卿上场，拉着兰芝的手）仲卿：兰芝。

兰芝：仲卿。

焦母：仲卿。

（兰芝跑下场）仲卿：娘，我们夫妻数载，发誓要白头偕老，街坊邻里也对兰芝赞赏有加，为何您就不喜欢她呢？焦母：她举止散漫，不知礼节，来我们焦家几年了也没给我们开枝散叶。

孔雀东南飞课本剧
人物介绍
仲卿：王思承
兰芝：陈思圆
焦母：杨楠
媒婆：高雅250（原谅我，故意的。

）
刘兄：马钦钊
刘母：刘洁（她貌似正好姓刘）
旁白：赵文瑜
PS：里面有点小恶搞，请无视，认真看表演~掌声鼓励。

下面是广告时间！
等等！还没开始呢！怎么会有广告！
啊，错了，电脑混乱了！不过你们放心！！中间绝对不会插广告的！相信我们~！
我会告诉你这个时间是用来给演员准备的时间吗？(*^__^*) 嘻嘻
什么，你们已经准备好了？不早说！！浪费感情。

（咳嗽声）下面言归正传！我宣布。

此乃才女是也，长大了，我也要这样滴！群众：就你？！
赶紧休了她吧，休了她，我把她抢过来。

他们马上就要分开了耶！群众：是啊！是呀！我旁边还有个音乐呃，别忘记播放了呃。

怎么可以这样！群众：她是我们
的！
好感人啊，这才是
真爱，算了，不和
你抢老婆鸟~
群众：555555
啊！不要！！群众：你们的生活可以很美好的，相信未来！不要轻生啊！
他们永远
可以在一
起了群众：让我们为他
们祝福吧！
特别鸣谢：
感谢老师给我时间让我们展现自己感谢老师对我们的设备支持
感谢百度对我们的图片支持
感谢演员们的配合
最后感谢班级同学对我们的大力支持
全剧终
END~~。

《孔雀东南飞》剧本人物：焦仲卿小吏，二十一岁。

刘兰芝焦仲卿之妻，十九岁。

焦母：焦仲卿之母，五十岁. 小姑：焦仲卿之妹，十五岁。

刘母：刘兰芝之母，五十二岁。

刘安上：刘兰芝之兄，三十一岁。

媒人，三十九岁。

五公子：太守之子，十八岁。

太守：五公子的爹，五十五岁。

郡丞：太守的手下，四十四岁。

轿夫和下人各数人，都是男的。

GO ...... ；；；；；；；；；；；第一幕（仲卿、兰芝上）仲卿：兰芝，你怎么哭了，心里有事就告诉我啊！兰芝（转过头来）：仲卿，我17岁嫁到你家，每日任劳任怨，却终是承担不了你家的使唤，你身为府吏，虽能尽职尽责，却尽不了夫妻情义，你说，我留着还有什么用？我还是回去吧。

仲卿（又悲又惊）：你要走？（兰芝点点头，叹气）不行！（按住兰芝的肩）你放心，我不会让你走的，我这就跟娘说去。

（转镜头、焦母上）仲卿：娘，你为何要为难兰芝呢？焦母（蹙眉）：她都跟你说了？仲卿：（点头）是，娘。

孩儿已经没有做高官享厚禄的福相了，幸亏娶了这个贤惠的好媳妇。

我与她情意相通，生死与共。

她心灵手巧，品行端正，何况才嫁到咱家不久，哪里招来您的不满意呢？焦母（怒）：我说你怎么这么没见识！你媳妇不懂规矩，一举一动全凭她自己的意思，我早就憋了一肚子气了！我看你干脆打发她走，再另娶一个。

呃，邻家有个叫秦罗敷的姑娘，我蛮喜欢的，只要你点个头，我立刻就替你求亲去。

仲卿（跪地，发誓）：娘，孩儿对天发誓，今生今世只爱兰芝一人，就算您把她赶走了，我也一辈子不再娶妻！焦母（槌床大怒）：你竟敢帮着你媳妇说话，你眼里还有没有我这个当娘的！我已经对她没有恩情了，你最好马上让她走！仲卿（哀求）：娘……【焦母拂袖而去，仲卿拜别母亲，回房了。

】；；；；；；；；；；；；；；；；；；第二幕仲卿：兰芝，你放心，我是不会休弃你的。

兰芝：你别说了，自从我嫁到你家，举止行为都不敢自做主张，没想到被赶回家，我怎么有脸再进焦家门。

我出身微寒，配不上你。

我决定走了，也许我们不会再相见，但请你永远记得我。

9到10人英语剧本---孔雀东南飞现代搞笑版英文9到10人英语剧本 ---孔雀东南飞现代搞笑版英文2011-05-03 17:47Performance @ College : Story of Johnny and Lunch (孔雀东南飞现代搞笑版)Characters:Prologue(J作被打状跑上台，内砸出一个纸筒，J被打中，狼狈不堪)J: Everybody says that I'm henpecked, but in fact, I'm as strong as a tiger. (Whisper)While my wife is Wu Song. (拍门大叫)I'm not afraid of you! （内砸出一脸盆，J接着当成盾牌护着）Then,I'm afraid of whom? Mywife lunch is the most famous woman in neighbourhood. She's braver than me,smarter than me and stronger than me.All of this I do not care. I just want her to be tender than me. But she isn't! Having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!Act One(序幕结束时，JM作窃听状)JM:(拄着拐棍上)I can! (对门内)Lunch! Lunch! Where are you?L：（揸住锅铲，扎着围裙，从门内跳出来）I'm here!I'm cutting chicken.What's up mum?JM: I've told you again and again that you should call me "my most beautiful, graceful and dearest mother-in-law".L: Ok. My most beautiful, graceful and dearest mother-in-law, what's up?JM:Since you married my son you have behaved so badly, been so rude, so brusque, so lazy...L: But...JM:Never interrupt me!L: Never interrupt me! Since I married your son, that terrible Johnny, I have been working hard all day, cooking and washing. I have raised tens of thousands of pigs and ducks and chickens and...JM: But all those you have done are not as valuable as a grandson!L:(生气挥动锅铲)Oh, you want a grandson, don't you?(开始脱围裙) Goand ask your son. I'm leaving!(扔下围裙，扔到JM脸上，下台)Act Two(LM坐在台上打毛线，L拿着锅铲上台)L: Mum, I'm back.LM: You're back? Why? What happened?L: I was kicked out by my most beautiful, graceful and dearestmother-in-law.LM(惊讶，但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See! I have already told you! Whenyou insisted on marrying that terrible Johnny, I told you that he is ugly, stupid and poor. But you didn't listen to me. Look at yourself now!L: But, mum...LM: Never interrupt me!L: Mum, I'm not interrupting you. I just want to tell you that youare always right, OK? And I'll marry whomever you want me to.LM: (大喜)Nice girl! Just now, I met the Mayor's Son in the market.He said,"If your daughter haven't been married, I really really wantto marry her!" Now that you're free again, I'll go and tell him (下台).L: (惊愣)What? The Mayor's Son? The most famous play boy in neightbourhood? (手中锅铲掉地上)What a silly thing I have done!(下台)Act Three(J 睡眼惺忪上台)J: (边走边道)Lunch! Lunch! Where are my socks? (走几步，在地上捡起袜子) Here they are! (闻一下) ER...How smelly! They're still dirty! (突然想起) Lunch has gone! I have to wash them myself! （肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来）Oh, I'm so hungry, but there is no breakfast! (捡起地上的围裙)This is Lunch's apron(围裙)! I miss her...EXCELLENT cooking skill so much! Now that she has gone, I have to cook for my mother and myself. JM:(上台) Where's my breakfast? Where is Lunch? Hasn't she got up yet? J：Mum, can't you remember? Lunch has gone!JM: (沉吟片刻) Well, to tell you the truth, Johnny, a son without awife is useless. Lunch is a nice girl. Go and take her back.J: (立正敬礼)YES, MADAM!ACT FORE(J 开心地走着，忽然跳出三强盗)A: Hey you! Stop and listen to me. The road is built by me!(一脚踩在一石头上)B: And I planted one tree!(踩同一石头)C: If you want to go by this street...(欲踩石头，但踩到A的脚)B：Give us...A: AllC: your money!J: （搜遍每一口袋，掏出一1角硬币）Is 1 mao enough?(ABC晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)A: What a bad luck! This guy is broken!B: If we can't rob any money today, we'll have nothing to eat tonight. C: I heard that the Mayor's Son is going to marry Miss Lunch next month, we can go and rob the wedding!AB: Good idea!J:(惊讶)What? What? Lunch is going to get married? Impossible!A:Why?B: A pretty girl and a rich man.C: What a good couple!J: But Lunch is my wife, we haven't got divorced yet.(突然有主意)I've got an idea! You are going to rob the wedding, aren't you? I'll go with you. you take the money, and I take the bride.B: Have you got any experience?J: No, but I've got this!(J 脱下鞋子，从里面抹出一张支票，上书：$1,000,000,ABC见状跟着J下台，目光跟着钱)Act Five(转眼已到婚礼之期，MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上台，L盖着红盖头极不情愿的被拉上台)（J A B C 跃至台中）A: Hey you!BCJ: Stop and listen to us!A: The road is built by me.B: And I planted one tree!C: If you want to go by this street...J: Give us all your money!(L 听到J 的声音，掀起了盖头)L: （惊喜万分）Johnny! (不顾一切地飞奔到J 的身后)（MS大怒，挥拳向J 打来，J 矮身一躲，MS 打中J 身后的L , L晕倒）J: (火冒三丈) How dare you beat my wife! (挥拳打向MS)(J与 MS混战，JM悄悄上在MS后)J: (指着MS后向MS讲)Hey, Pretty girl!(MS向后一望，JM用拐杖将其打倒)（J 将MS胸前的新郎标志撤下来，戴在自己的胸前）J: (扶起L,关切地问)Honey, How are you?L:(Crying...) Thurtalot!J: Don't cry baby, I'll fetch some medicine for you (下台)L:(起身去追)Wait for me!(跑下台) （音乐起：罗密欧与祝英台）END...。

《孔雀东南飞》英语剧本,搞笑版的孔雀东南飞故事。

篇一：孔雀东南飞搞笑剧本剧本《孔雀东南飞》剧本旁白：东汉末建安年间，庐江太守衙门里的小官吏焦仲卿的妻子刘兰芝被焦仲卿的母亲赶回娘家，她回娘家后发誓不再嫁人。

她的娘家逼迫她改嫁，她便投水死了。

焦仲卿听到兰芝投水而死这件事，也在自家庭院的树上吊死了。

当时的人哀悼他们写下这首诗记述这件事。

；【孔雀鸟向东南方向飞去，飞上五里便徘徊一阵】刘兰芝大家好!我就是传说中美貌与智慧并重、温柔与体贴的化身----刘兰芝我十三能织布,十四学裁衣,十五弹箜篌,十六诵诗书……焦母(拄拐上场,吼道)你死哪去了!还不赶紧去做饭!兰芝(低眉顺眼并给婆婆行礼)婆婆……我这就去给您做饭?今天咱们吃面条,行么?焦母(面朝天,生气状)面条……面条,太滑!兰芝(委曲求全)那……那……咱们吃包子?焦母(顿了顿拐)包子！！！包子,太腻!兰芝(声音哽咽)那……吃饼成不?焦母(白了兰芝一眼)不行!不行!烙饼太硬!兰芝(泪水溢满眼眶,强忍不流)那婆婆,你想吃什么,我去给您做。

焦母(怒斥)算了吧！你这个笨婆娘！我们焦家怎么娶了你？连饭都做不好！下去吧！算了，快下去……真烦死人了！（兰芝黯然转身，坐在椅子上哭，焦母下场，兰芝转身坐在椅子上哭，仲卿上）仲卿：（远行刚回家，看见兰芝在哭，急忙放下行李作揖到她面前安慰道）娘子，你这是怎么了？（急切）兰芝相公几日不见，你又消瘦了！仲卿：娘子更堪憔悴，母亲又说你来吧！娘子受苦了！兰芝(兰芝低头沉默接着说)只怕……只怕……母亲是不会留我了!仲卿：娘子莫担心,我不会让你离开我的!待我再向母亲求情!(焦下)(仲卿一边走一边犹豫,经过一番思考,他终于来到母亲的房门,焦母正襟危坐于前焦上前去一鞠躬)仲卿：母亲啊!你看兰芝她温柔体贴,对您恭敬孝顺,你为什么总是不满意呢?焦母乖儿子,听话?那种女人不要也罢!娘再给你找一个好媳妇。

喏……东家有个芙蓉姐姐，名叫秦罗敷娘看她是人见人爱，花见花开，车见车爆胎，她和你啊，真是龙配龙，凤配凤，老鼠配臭虫！仲卿：啊！焦母青蛙配恐龙！仲卿：啊！焦母奥……不对!美女配英雄!仲卿：不,孩儿已和兰芝立下山盟海誓、相伴终生,我是风儿,她是沙,我是叶儿她是花,我是……焦母够了,你放了肆了,大了胆了,有能耐了是不是,我的话也不听,说不行!就不行!你们俩立马断交,立刻!马上!(焦抱着头,仲卿被母亲赶了出来,满脸沮丧的来到兰芝屋里)仲卿：(深情的)娘子兰芝相公无须多言,小女子什么都明白了。

孔雀东南飞（话剧）试实用版刘兰芝：侯敏娜焦仲卿：陈铎林刘兄：张锦成刘母：张艳焦母：刘禅媒婆：林巧建三公子：潘旭民强盗甲：雷鸣强盗乙：唐鹏旁白：李亦君举牌：钟诗华第一场：（两情同依依）旁白：汉末建安中，庐江府小吏焦仲卿妻刘氏，为仲卿母所遣，自誓不嫁，其家逼之，兰芝不从，终有情人终成眷属，二人选择另觅新境，孔雀东南飞，五里一徘徊......兰芝：（手持油纸伞，作轻盈状出场）“同志们好！我就是传说中美貌与智慧并重，温柔与体贴的化身刘兰芝......我十三岁能打麻将，十四学喝酒，十五上KTV，十六抽烟......十七岁那年——”（焦仲卿翩翩出场，两人合唱音乐《千年等一回》起：千年等一回，等一回啊啊~）仲卿：（深情地）“娘子~”兰芝：（深情地）“相公~几日不见，你又消瘦了！”（二人对视）仲卿：娘子更憔悴，母亲又让你陪她打碰胡了吧？（兰芝低头，沉默）兰芝（抬头）：“只怕母亲是不会留我了。

”仲卿：“娘子莫担忧，我不会让你离开我的，待我再去向母亲求情。

”（离去）第二场：（遣去甚莫留）（焦母正襟危坐于前，焦仲卿上前一鞠躬）仲卿：“母亲啊，您看，兰芝她温柔体贴，对你恭敬孝顺，你为什么总对她不满意呢？”焦母：我的乖儿子啊，你听话，这种女子不要也罢。

娘再给你找个好媳妇。

喏，东家有位芙蓉姐姐，娘看她是人见人爱，花见花爱，车见车暴胎！你和他是龙配龙，凤配凤，老鼠配臭虫......仲卿（诧异地）：“啊？”焦母（陪笑）：“不对，不对，是美女配英雄！”仲卿：“不，孩儿已同兰芝立下山盟海誓，相伴终生！我是风儿她是沙，我是叶子她是花，我是螃蟹她是虾，我是白菜她是地瓜。

”焦母（手势作停止状）：“ＳＴＯＰ！她连打碰胡偎了都不知道，赶快打发走！”仲卿：我和兰芝的爱情比金坚，海枯石烂，我是不会让兰芝离开我的。

”焦母：你懂得什么叫爱情？！有个哲学家不是说了吗：当人类真正懂得爱情的时候，那么人类和爱情将会一起完蛋。

仲卿（为难）：可是...可是...焦母：没什么好可是的！（掏出手机，拨号）老张啊，今天咱打麻将～(焦母扬长而去)仲卿：一开始我相信伟大的感情，最后，我无力地看清，强悍的是命运。