经典美剧《老友记》-第八季-第二十二集-字幕-对白-中英文对照-看美剧学英语

I'll get candles and my mom's lace tablecloth.And since it's Rachel's birthday......I thought I'd poach a salmon.What?Question. Why do we always have parties where you poach things? You want to be on the food committee?Question 2. Why do we always have parties with committees?Why can't we just get pizza and beer and have fun?I agree. Fancy parties are only fun if you're fancy on the inside.And I'm not sure we are.You don't want it to be special?Fine. You can throw any kind of party you want.Joey, they're not real!I start miles beneath the surface of these things. They're fake.See? Honk, honk!Wow, it's like porno for clowns!Wow, it's like porno for clowns!Wow, it's like porno for clowns!Neither of Rachel's sisters can come.I still have to invite Dylan and Emma and Shannon Cooper.No Shannon Cooper.Why not her?Because she....She steals stuff.Or maybe she doesn't and Joey slept with her and never called her back. Joey, that is horrible.Hey, I liked her.Maybe too much.I don't know.I guess I just got scared.I'm sorry. I didn't know.I didn't think anyone would buy that. Okay!Hi, honey. How did it go?It was the graduation from hell.My cousin went to hell on a football scholarship.It's supposed to be a joyous occasion.Nobody thought my sister would graduate from college.It's a testament to what a girl from Long lsland will do for a Celica. What happened?My parents happened.All they had to do was sit in the same stadium, smile......and not talk about the divorce. But no!They got into a fight during the commencement address.Bishop Tutu actually had to stop and shush them.You know the good news?I get to serve coffee for the next eight hours.I guess we don't invite her parents.-How about just her mom? -Why her mom?Because I already invited her.Did you ask Stacy Roth?Can't invite her.She also steals.Here are the candles. Where's the birthday cake?We're not having birthday cake.We're having birthday flan.Excuse me?It's a traditional Mexican custard dessert.That's nice.Happy birthday, Rachel. Here's some goo!Dr. Greene!Oh, my God! It's Rachel's dad.Why are you here?The father can't see the daughter on her birthday?No, no, the father can.But since I am the roommate, I can tell you she's not here.And I'll pass along the message. Okay? So bye-bye.You're having a party.No, no, not a party.Just a surprise gathering of some people Rachel knows.-This is Phoebe, Chandler and Joey. -I'll never remember all that. So what's the deal?Rachel comes home, people pop out and yell stuff? Is that it? This isn't your first surprise party, is it, sir?Hi, Monica.The Chinese menu guy. Forgot the menus.So basically, just a Chinese guy.Dr. Greene, come with me. We'll put your jacket on Rachel's bed. All right. That sounds like a two-person job.Well, my goodness! What was that?Sandra, I thought you were Rachel. We weren't ready for you yet. -You thought I was Rachel? -Yes, because you look so young.And because you're both, you know, white women.Oh, I missed you kids. Should I put my coat in the bedroom?-No, I'll take that for you. -Oh, well, thank you.Such a gentleman. Thank you.It all looks so nice. So festive. All the balloons.Oh, the funniest thing happened to me on the way here.-I was driving -That's great!I can't wait to hear the rest, but I have to go to the bathroom. Hey, come with me.-What? -lt will be like we're gal pals.You know, like at a restaurant. It'll be fun! Come on.Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God!Think. Think.What would Jack and Chrissy do?Okay, now that your coat is safely in the bedWe can come back out in the living room.Joey and Chandler, it's time you take Dr. Greene over to your place. Yes, absolutely.Why, again?Because that's where the party is, you goon!-See, this is just the staging area. -Right, it's the staging area.This is clearly in the wrong apartment.All right, you guys are off to party number one.And you....You are off to party number two.All right, let's keep it moving, let's keep it moving. At least send some women to my party.Okay, that's Ross. All right.Okay, they're coming.Thank you for such a wonderful dinner.Thanks for being born.Thank you for my beautiful earrings. They're perfect.I love you.Now, you can exchange them if you want, okay? Now I love you even more.Surprise!Oh, my gosh!Wow!Oh, my God. Mom!This is so great!Happy birthday, sweetie.You! I had no idea!-Really? -No, I knew.All right.There's food and drinks on the table.Go across the hall. Right now, Joey and Chandler's. -Why? -Just go.Weird.Surprise!Happy birthday, sweet pea.Daddy!Both of them are here? Both of them? Both of them are here?Well, we could count again?I can't believe this!You know, this is ridiculous.This is your birthday, your party.Let's put them together. If they can't deal with it, who cares?-I do. -That's who.Are you gonna be okay?I don't really have a choice. I can look at the bright side.I get two birthday parties and two birthday cakes.Well, actually......just one birthday flan.It's a traditional Mexican custard dessert.Talk to Monica. She's on the food committee.Some girl just walked up to me and said, "I want you, Dennis"......and stuck her tongue down my throat.I love this party!-Quick volleyball question. -Volleyball.We set up a court in your room.You didn't like that gray lamp, did you?A woman stuck her tongue down my throat. I'm not even listening to you. -Dennis! -Okay, that's me.Can you keep Dad occupied? I'm gonna talk to Mom for a while.Do you have any ideas for any openers?Stay clear of "I'm the guy that's doing your daughter"......and you should be okay.I want you to take a piece of paperHere you go. And write down your most embarrassing memory. When you're not using the markers, put the caps back on them... ... because they will dry out.Hi, Dr. Greene.So how's everything in the......vascular surgery......game?It's not a game, Ross. A woman died on my table today.I'm sorry.That's the good thing about my job.All the dinosaurs on my table are already dead.Listen, I don't mean to be a pain about this...... but I've noticed some of you are just placing them on.You want to push the caps...... until you hear them click.Gunther!Where you going?I was sort of thinking about maybeNo! No, you can't go! No, this is fun.We're just starting. Here's your marker.If you want to go, just go.She'll yell at me again.All right, I can get you out.What?In a minute, I'll create a diversion.When I do, walk quickly to the door and don't look back.-I think I need a drink. -I'll get it for you.-What do you want? -Scotch.I'll be back in 10 seconds with your scotch on the rocks in a glass. Neat!Cool.Neat, as in no rocks.I know.Hello, Ross! Where have you been?I have been in the bathroom.Stay clear of the salmon mousse.Scotch neat.That's Rachel's father's drink.Mine too. Isn't that neat?Scotch neat.Would you excuse me?Where are you sneaking off to, mister?I'm getting my cigarettes.No.What do you mean "no"?See, because that's the staging area.You go in there, it'll ruin the whole illusion of the party.Take your scotch back in there......and I will get your cigarettes for you, sir.-Get my glasses too. -All righty-roo.What a great moment to say that for the first time.Okay, the first person's most embarrassing memory is... ... "Monica, your party sucks."Very funny.Oh, no! Did someone forget to use a coaster?What?I don't see anything.Great, I'm seeing water rings again.Ross, whose glasses are those?Mine.You wear bifocals?I have a condition apparently......that I require......two different sets of focals.Do you know my husband has glasses just like that?Well, those are very popular frames.Neil Sedaka wears them.I hear you can get people out of here.You didn't tell me your boyfriend smokes.Yeah, like a chimney.Big smoker.Big, big smoker.In fact, I'm gonna go into the hallway and fire up this bad boy. Are you wearing my glasses?Yes.I was just warming up the earpieces for you.Thank you.Is that one of my cigarettes?Yes, it is. I was just moistening the tip.She's taking the trash out, so I can get you out of here. But it has to be now. She'll be back any minute.What about my friend?Only the three of you. Any more and she'll get suspicious. -Let me just get my coat. -There isn't time!Just leave everything.They'll take care of you next door.Is it true they have beer?Everything you've heard is true.Could you guys please keep it down?We're trying to start a Boggle tournament.You!And you.You're supposed to be at my party.And Gunther!What are you doing here?Welcome to the foAll right, I'm sorry. But these people needed me.They work hard all week. It's Saturday night.They deserve to have a little fun. Go!You know, my party is fun.It's a little quieter, less obvious sort of fun.But if people would just give it a chance, it's-You want me to see a therapist? -Sweetheart, you have a problem. You've chosen a boyfriend exactly like your father.Okay, Mom, I'll make an appointment.But right now, I gotta go. I gotta go do a thing.Did you know your mother spent $1200 on bonsai trees?I felt like Gulliver.Daddy, I really want to hear more about this......but I just have to do some stuff.You work and you work and you work at a marriage...... but all he cares about is his stupid boat.You work and you work and you work on a boat.He always ridiculed my pottery classes.And you sand it and varnish it.But when all is said and done, he still drinks out of the mugs.One night of her yoga and Bridges of Madison County....-The scotch, the cigarettes.... - The bonsais and the Chihuahua....I may have only been in therapy for three weeks now butWhat the hell does she want with half a boat?Okay, okay, you can be shirts and I'll be skins.I'll be skins!How you holding up there, tiger?Sorry. When my parents were getting divorced, I got a lot of "tigers."I got a lot of "champs," "chiefs," "sports."I even got a "governor."This is it, isn't it? This is what my life will be like.My mom there, my dad there.Thanksgiving, Christmas.She gets the house, he's in a condo my sister will decorate with wicker. How did you get through this?I relied on a carefully regimented program......of denial......and wetting the bed.You know, I just It's so weird.I mean, I was in there just listening to them bitch about each other.All I kept thinking about was the Fourth of July.Because it reminded you of the way......our forefathers used to bitch at each other?It's just this thing. Every year we would......go out on my dad's boat and watch the fireworks.Mom always hated it because the ocean air made her hair all big.My sister Jill would be throwing up over the side......and Dad would be upset because nobody helped.And when we did help, he'd scream at us for doing it wrong.But then when the fireworks started, everybody just shut up.You know, and it'd get really cold.And we'd all just sort of smoosh under this one blanket.It never occurred to anybody to bring another one.And now it's....Yeah, I know.Thanks for coming. I hope you had fun.All right, I'm hitting the road.Now, I've left my 10 verbs on the table.Be sure and send me that finished poem.Okay, will do. Glad you came.-I think I saw Rachel out in the hall. -Let me go check. Your mom wants to say goodbye.Happy birthday, sweetie.You drive safe.What are you doing?I'm getting ready for the water skiing.Okay, big hug. One more. Come on!How are you?-Where are you going? -To get my coat.We'll get that for you.All right, all right. I can get my own coat.Sorry, we're on a major flan high.Oh, no. No, you're not supposed to be here.This is the staging area. It's all wrong. You should leave. You know, just get out.Or perhaps you'd like a creme de menthe.I have to be heading toward my chateau.I guess we're going back into the hallway again. Thanks for coming, Mrs. Greene.You take care.Oh, you kids.Well.This is the best party I've been to in years.Thank you!Okay, everybody, it's time for flan!Yep! Get ready for the gelatinous fun.Looks like that stuff you get when you get an infection. Okay, that's enough.Okay, Rachel, make a special flan wish.Okay, I've got one.Heads up!。

Phoebe. Will you check out that guy by the window. Wow!That guy back there? He's awfully short. And I think he's talking to himself. And to be completely honest, he's not that good in bed.Really?What is wrong with me lately? It's like, every guy I see.I mean, look at that guy, for example.That's not someone I would be attracted to.But right now, with the way I'm feeling..all I want to do is rip off his sweatpants and fanny pack.Wait a second! This is about the fourth month of your pregnancy, right?-Yeah. -This is completely normal.Around the fourth month, your hormones start going crazy.-Really? So this has happened to you? -Absolutely!And keep in mind now, I was carrying triplets.So in medical terms, I was thrice as randy.Wow, this explains so much!Last weekend, I went from store to store, sitting on Santas' laps.Yeah, I remember trying to steal a cardboard cutout..of Evander Holyfield from a Foot Locker.Well, I go see my doctor tomorrow. I'll ask her about this.Maybe she can give me a pill or something.Yeah, that's what you need. A good pill.Oh, no. Short, crazy guy recognizes me. Worst mistake of my life.Call me.The One With The Creepy Holiday Card26Great. Hey, Joey, want to check out pictures of me and Mona ice-skating? Ordinarily, I would love to, but I am just swamped right now.Where are the pictures that that creepy pretzel vendor took of us together? Oh, yeah. Probably at the end.Oh, my God! All he took were pictures of my breasts.I'm missing picture time!You know, she has a face, Ross.I didn't take these, okay? I didn't even know my camera had a zoom lens. "Comma, officer."-Okay, here's a good one of us. -Wow, that is a good one!It looks like a holiday card.With the tree in the middle and the skaters and the snow.Good job, pretzel pervert.Every year, I say I'm gonna send out holiday cards and I never do it.Do you want to send this one out together?Together? Like, to people?Yeah. "Happy holidays, from Mona and Ross." It'll be cute, okay? Okay.-I gotta get to work. Call me later? -Sure, sure.-Bye, guys. -Bye.Congratulations! You just got married!I know. Can you believe that?I'm sorry. What's the big deal about a holiday card?Married couples send out cards. Families send out cards.People who have been dating for a couple of months don't send out cards. -What is she, crazy? -That's your wife you're talking about!No, really. I mean, that would be like a huge step forward.I like things just the way they are.I'm finally in a relationship that's not moving too fast.You know, ordinarily, I'd be divorced by now.Okay, so just tell her you don't wanna send out the card. What's she gonna do? This.Oh, okay. I didn't mean to put pressure on you..I just thought it would be something fun for us to do together..but okay, that's okay.Okay, stop. Stop. You're right, it's not that big a deal. I'll do the card.-What? I said I'd do it. -I know, it's just..Can I have $20?-Hi. You ready for lunch? -One second.-That's cute. -Bing! And the Bingette!I thought it felt a little hotter in the office today.-Oh, honey, you remember my boss, Doug. -Yes. Hi.Good news! The divorce is final. I signed the papers this a.m.I didn't know you and Kara divorced. I'm sorry.Sorry? I finally chewed my leg out of that bear trap.-Congratulations to you guys, though. -No leg-chewing for us, sir.Well, give it time.So the divorce, the marriage, we got a lot to celebrate.How about we all go out to dinner tomorrow night.I can't think of anything we're doing.Why can't I think of anything we're doing?Tomorrow night it is. I should be out of court by 6.They keep throwing sexual harassment cases at me..and I keep knocking them out of the park!Okay, see you tomorrow.Just so you know, we're not seeing him tomorrow.Honey, once you get to know him, he's much, much worse.I can't do this alone.Honey, I'm sorry. I can't help you. I can't spend another evening with that man. Do you remember how he behaved at our wedding?That's because he wasn't invited.Because of the way he behaved at our engagement party.Oh, yeah! Urine cuts right through an ice sculpture, doesn't it?Oh, what the hell? B plus.Hi! I went by the photo shop. Take a look.Here is a mockup of our card. What do you think?Wow, that's great.Do you think it should say, "Love, Ross and Mona"?Well, we haven't said that to each other yet..but I guess it's okay to say it to other people.-How many did you want? I'll get 100. -A hundred?Well, I guess I'll take..Mona?I'm not sure about the whole card thing.Really? Why not?Sending out a holiday card together?I just don't know if we're really quite there yet.I didn't think of it that way. You're right.-So can I ask you a question? -Yeah.Where are we?You know, where are we? Where is this relationship going?I love spending time with you. I just hope we're moving forward.We should talk about that, don't you think?Let's do the card!-What? -The card! I think we're there!Okay. But I still think we should have this conversation.Really?Even with the card?Just so you know, Dr. Long can't be here today, so Dr. Schiff will be seeing you. Oh, okay. Can I ask you a question?Was it me, or was the guy who took my blood sample really cute?You know who I'm talking about? Bowl haircut, hairy fingers?Actually, never mind. I just answered my own question.-Hi, Rachel? I'm Dr. Schiff. -Yes, you are.-Okay, now he's cute, right? -Oh, God, yes.So, how's it going?It's going really good. But enough about me! Come on.Where are you from? What do you do?-I'm a doctor. -Right. I meant..in your spare time. Do you cook? So you ski?Or just hang out with your wife, or girlfriend?I don't have a wife or a girlfriend, but I do like to ski.I love to ski! How amazing is this?-Are you experiencing any discomfort? -No, I'm very comfortable.-Any painful gas? -No!Dr. Schiff! What kind of question is that?Okay, then. Would you like to lie down on the table?Would you like me to lie down on the table?-Is there something going on here? -Do you feel it too?-Hi. -How did your doctor's appointment go?Well, let's see, they gave me "cute boy" doctor today.In the middle of the exam, I put my pinkie in his chin dimple.-Oh, my God! -Why did you do that?Remember that little problem I was having during my fourth month of pregnancy? Oh, yeah! The Evander Holyfield phase.Oh, man! You were so hard up, you practically came on to me.You wish.Hey, I could have had you if I wanted you.Oh, yeah? Come and get it.Okay, even this is turning me on. You guys, I got problems.Oh, hey. Hey, Ross! How's it going with you and Mona?Are you guys still together?Yeah, we're moving forward. You'll be getting our card.You're doing a holiday card?We're not just doing a card. She also wants to have the conversation..about where the relationship is going.Women!I know! Why do you guys need to have this conversation?No self-respecting man would ask a woman, "So where is this going?"Ross, you asked me that.You were a closed book, okay? I'm not a mind reader!What are you gonna say to her? Where is this relationship going?I don't know. I really like her and I wanna keep dating her.-So tell her that. -No, I can't.Because then she's gonna say, "Well, it's not moving anywhere..-then we should just break up." -Yeah, that's true.Besides, I hate those conversations. I'm horrible at them. Really.Maybe I need some kind of a gesture..something that says we're moving forward without having to talk about it. Like asking her to move in with you?Smaller than that.-Making her a mix tape? -Bigger than that.-Give her a key to your apartment. -We were closer with the mix tape. Have you said, "I love you"? You could say, "I love you."I don't think I'm quite there yet.But I could say, "I love spending time with you."-We hate that. -That is a slap in the face.Forget it. You know what? I'll just have the conversation.I'll just say I like things the way they are, and hope for the best.What do you think, Rach?I think if it was a little colder in here..I could see your nipples through that sweater.Bing? We're all set for tonight,8:00.As it turns out, we can't do it. Monica has to work.My ex-wife didn't work.Unless you call turning into her mother "work."Fine. Tomorrow night then.-Tomorrow's no good for her, either. -Why not?It's the semifinals..of her bocce ball tournament.Okay. The night after that then.Well, that's the finals, and I think she's gonna go all the way, sir.What's going on, Bing? Does your wife have a problem with me or something? Well, now you're just talking crazy.Then why can't the three of us go out together?Because we split up.Monica and I split up.Hold me.Good God, Bing. Well, I can't say I'm altogether surprised.I saw the way she looked at you, and there was no love there.And the way she looked at me, pure lust.What would really help me through this tough time is choking someone.I know how you feel. Oh, yeah.I know what it's like to give a woman all your love..and then have that love thrown back in your face.And then the court decides to give you custody of those fat, left-handed twins. Well, they're lucky to have you, sir.Bing, my boy, we're gonna get you over this.Here's the plan: Grab your coat, we're going to a strip club!Oh, no! Monica would freak.But to hell with that bitch!Here we go.Mona, it's time we had a conversation about where things are with us. Yeah, I think I suggested that.We are so..Well, I really like you. And I love hanging out with you.And I'm having a lot of fun.Okay.There's no point in spending time with someone if it's just fun.It's gotta be going somewhere, right?So where is it going?That's the real question.And the answer is..it's going somewhere..fun.I know what you're thinking. Fun was fine for you 10 years ago.But you're not getting any younger.No! I mean, not you. Not you.You are getting younger!You're getting younger by the second. What's your secret?I'm sorry, so where are we?Well, to sum up..we're having fun. You look young.-Okay.. -But that's not enough.So..here's a key to my apartment.-Really? -Really.You don't think this is too fast?You gave her a key to your apartment?Not just a key. I gave her the only key!I am now a homeless person in a very serious relationship!-Why did you give her a key? -She talked me into a corner, okay?She's like this conversational wizard.So you had the conversation you didn't wanna have..and you made the gesture you didn't wanna make.Did I start this by saying, "Hey, I did something awesome today"?-Do either of you have a key to my place? -I don't think you've ever given us keys. Yeah, why would I? It's my home.-Ross, how did the conversation go? -Great. I live on the street.Where?-Hi. -Okay, Monica, Rachel..-this is my friend Roger. -Hi, Roger.I'll get us some drinks. Could you help me?Yeah, okay.He's here to have sex with you.-What? -You're welcome.-Phoebe, no! -It's okay. He's a virgin.Rachel, I was talking to this guy. I think he'll have sex with you.Let's leave these two alone.No! I don't care what my hormones are doing! I won't do it with some random guy! Fine! Then you tell Roger, because he was really looking forward to this!Bing! Look at those twin sisters dancing together.Let me buy you a lap dance with those girls.That's all right, sir. And that's just one girl.-Bing, what's this? -It's a hand.It's a thing you use as a Jack and Coke holder.It's a wedding ring. Get rid of it. We'll throw it in the East River!-No! -Yes!I did it, and I felt a lot better! You might even hit a seagull in the head.Okay. I'm gonna need a bunch of extra keys.Apparently, I give them away for no reason at all.Ross, what's going on? You're changing the lock?No.That guy is.You give me a key to your apartment, and then you change the lock?Good luck, buddy.I thought we were moving forward. Now you're sending me all these mixed signals. What are you trying to tell me?I'm trying to tell you..I made you a mix tape.-What? -I love you.And I love spending time with you.-Hi, honey, I'm home. -From the tequila factory?It was awful.To get out of going to dinner with Doug, I told him you and I split up.So then he took me to these strip clubs and sleazy bars.When I wouldn't give him my wedding ring, he threw a soda can at a bird.Come here. I can breathe through my mouth.-Oh, sweetie. -You know what the worst part was?I got to see what my life would be like without you.It was like It's a Wonderful Life with lap dances.Please promise me that you'll never leave me..that we'll grow old together, and be with each other for the rest of our lives.I promise.Speaking of together, how about we send out a holiday card this year?I don't know if we're there yet.I'd like to order a pizza. Can I ask you a question?Is the cute blond guy delivering tonight? Very "Abercrombie & Fitch."-I'll call you back. -Who was that?-It's just the pizza place. -You hung up on the pizza place?I don't hang up on your friends.-Sorry, honey, I'm just having a rough day. -What's wrong?-You don't want to hear about it. -Then why did I ask?Okay, this is really embarrassing, but lately, with this whole pregnancy thing..I'm just finding myself..How do I put this?Erotically charged.Is that college talk for "horny"?Yeah. I have all of these feelings, and I don't know what to do about them.I can't date like a normal person, which is fine because I don't need a relationship. All I really want is one great night! Just sex.No strings attached. No relationship.With someone I feel comfortable with, and who knows what he's doing.For just one great night. I mean, is that really so hard..to find?So how was your day?Good. I saw a pretty big pigeon.Well, I gotta get up early, and it's almost 7:00.-I gotta go to my room. -Good night!Good night!-I can't do it! -I didn't ask you to do it!-You're Rachel! -You're Joey!-You're my friend! -Right back at you.Yeah. Plus, it would be wrong, and weird and bad!So bad! But I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't ask you to do anything!I know!-You wanna do it? -No!-I'm just testing you! -Well, that's the end of this conversation!-This conversation never happened! -Never happened!-Good night! -Good night!Get back in there!Listen, I'm sorry about that whole thing with Roger.It really wasn't right. And I want to make it up to you.So I brought you something I think you'll really enjoy.Now this is just a loan, okay? I'm gonna want him back.I'm gonna go now.I'm sorry. I thought I could do it, and I can't.。

经典美剧《老友记》-第七季-第二十二集-字幕-对白-中英文对照-看美剧学英语-Hey. -Hey. -嘿 -嘿I saw the Porsche parked out front. 我看到保时捷停在前门Can I get the keys? I'll take that bad boy for a spin. 你能把钥匙借给我一下吗？我想带那个坏男孩去兜个风Ross drives it? When I ask, you say you're the only one allowed to. 罗斯可以开它？我问你时你说只有你能开它He's my brother, plus he drives so slow he couldn't hurt it. 他是我哥哥，而且他开车跟乌龟一样，不会出事的It's a car, Monica, not a rocket ship. 它是辆车子，摩妮卡，不是火箭Just replace the bulbs in the brake lights after you're done.兜完风后，帮我换一下刹车灯的灯泡-Hey. -Hi. -嘿 -嗨Saw the Porsche. Looking good. When can I take it out again? 我看到保时捷了，它真的很酷我什么时候能再开着它去兜风？-You let Joey drive it? -I've never driven it. Not once. -你让乔伊开保时捷？ -我从来没开过它，一次都没有Okay, once. Okay, I drive it all the time. 好吧，只有一次好吧，我常开着它出门So much for the "you-can-drive-it but-don't-tell-Rachel" plan. 我们的“你可以开它去兜风但别告诉瑞秋”计划宣告失败Wow, I can't believe you lied to me. 哇，我不敢相信你骗我I can fix this. Monica, Rachel thinks all you talk about is thewedding. 交给我来吧，摩妮卡瑞秋认为你只会谈婚礼的事I won't let you drive the Porsche because you're a terrible driver. 我不会让你开保时捷因为你是个很差劲的驾驶There. That wasn't about the wedding. 好了，那跟婚礼的事无关If you want a ride in the Porsche, I'll take you around the block. 如果你想开保时捷去兜风我可以载你在街角转一下You got a couple hours? 你接下来几小时都没事吗？The One With Chandler's Dad 本集播出：钱德的父亲20 喔，那真的痛快-Take the top down, did you? -Only way to fly. -你开了篷吧？-这样开跟飞上天差不多Give me the keys. Monica's wrong. I'm an excellent driver. 把钥匙给我，摩妮卡错了我是个很棒的驾驶You're fast and irresponsible. That adds up to a bad driver. 你开车飞快，又不负责任你的确是个差劲的驾驶In high school, that added up to head cheerleader. 高中时那些特点让我成为啦啦队长Did you see how she looked at me? 你看到那个女孩看我的眼神了吗？She must've seen me cruising in the bad boy. 她一定看到了我开保时捷的模样-She's checking out your beehive. -What? -她在看你的鸟窝头-什么？-Give me a brush. -The keys. -把梳子给我 -钥匙给我-No way! -Well, no brush. -不行 -那我就不给你梳子Fine. It doesn't matter. 好吧，那不重要If I remember correctly, there's a comb on the floor of the bathroom. 如果我没记错洗手间地上有一把梳子Alimony. 这是我的赡养费We still haven't gotten an RSVP from your dad. 你爸还没寄回函给我们Oh, right. Maybe that's because I didn't send him an invitation. 喔，对，或许那是因为我没寄喜帖给他He's your father. He should be at our wedding. 他是你爸爸，他应该来参加我们的婚礼I don't even know him. I haven't seen him in years. 我甚至不认得他我好几年没跟他见过面And when he finds out he wasn't asked? 如果他知道我们没有邀请他呢？We don't run in the same circles. 我们的生活圈不一样I hang out with you guys and he... 我跟你们来往，而他…stars in a drag show in Vegas. 他在拉斯维加斯表演变装秀I think I want to trade circles. 我想和他交换生活圈You don't want him there. Nobody will stare at the bride... 你不会想邀请他来的没有人会看着新娘…when the groom's father's wearing a backless dress. 因为新郎的爸爸穿着露背洋装As long as he's not wearing a white dress and veil, I don't care. 那又怎么样？只要他不穿婚纱我根本不会在乎的I think I need to do some shopping. 我想我得去买点东西Nice. 太棒了My God! 我的天啊！-What do you think you're doing? -Just washing the windshield. -你以为你在做什么？ -我只是在洗挡风玻璃There's no way I'll let you drive this car. 我绝不会让你开这辆车Just hand over the keys. 你为什么不把钥匙还给我？Oh! 喔！Do not start this car. 别启动引擎Okay, okay. I will give you 20 bucks... 好吧，我给你二十块…if you get out of this car right now. Hey! 只要你立刻下车，嘿！Look. 听着If you're so freaked out, get in the car. 如果你真的那么害怕，快上车吧With you? Yeah, right. 跟你一起去兜风？对，是啊All right. 好吧Okay, okay, okay. 好吧…-What are you doing? Get in front. -In the death seat?! -你在做什么？坐到前面来 -你要我坐死亡座椅？-Hey, guys. -Hi, sweetie. -嘿，大家好 -嗨，甜心-Ready to go? -My purse is at Mon's. I'll be back. -准备要走了吗？ -我的皮包在摩妮卡家，我马上回来-Wait a minute. -What? Oh. -等一下 -什么？喔That one kept going. 我还在头晕So, you and Phoebe, huh? 你跟菲比在交往？-How long have you been going out? -A month. -你们交往多久了？ -一个多月We ought to get to know each other better. 我们应该多多了解彼此-Sure. I'd like that. -Yeah. So, uh... -当然，我很愿意 -对，所以…What's your name? 你叫什么名字？-It's Jake. -Joey. -我是杰克 -我是乔伊-Do you like the Knicks? -Yeah, big fan. -你喜欢尼克队吗？ -当然，我是他们的头号球迷Me too. There's a game Tuesday. Do you want to go? 我也是，星期二有比赛你要一起去吗？Great! Let me make sure I'm not doing anything Tuesday. 太棒了，我得先确定星期二我没事Here. 拿去吧-What's this? -Your suitcase. We're going to Vegas. -这是什么？-你的行李，我们要去拉斯维加斯Are you serious? Eloping? No more stupid wedding stuff. 你是认真的吗？我们要私奔？不必再筹备那个笨婚礼No more these flowers, these flowers. Think of the money we'll save. 不必再烦恼那些花想想我们省了多少钱We're not eloping. Can our wedding be bigger, please? 我们没有要私奔，我喜欢花我们的婚礼能再盛大一点吗？拜托We're going to see your dad. 我们要去找你爸I want to get to know my father-in-law. 我想认识我公公When we went over this, I won. 我们已经谈过这件事，我赢了No, you didn't. Honey, just so you know... 不，你没赢，甜心，你应该知道…Now that you're marrying me, you don't get to win anymore. 现在你要娶我，你是赢不了的Forget it. I don't want to go. I don't want to see him. 算了吧，我不想去，我不想见到他I know your dad embarrassed you. 我知道你爸让你觉得丢脸All kids are embarrassed by their parents. 所有的孩子都会觉得自己的父母很丢脸You need a new word for what I went through. 你得想个新说法来形容我的经历In high school, he came to all my swim meets... 在高中的时候他参加了我所有的游泳比赛…dressed as a Hollywood starlet. 每次都打扮成不一样的好莱坞明星Hard enough to be 14, skinny, wearing Speedos Mom promised I'd grow into.我十四岁时日子很不好过瘦巴巴的，穿着太大的泳裤我妈还说有一天它会适合我You look up in the stands. There's your dad cheering you on. 我抬头看着看台发现我爸在为我加油Dressed as Carmen Miranda, wearing a headdress with real fruit... 他打扮成卡曼米兰达戴着有真水果头饰的帽子…that he'll later give to your friends as a healthy snack. 之后他会把那些水果交给你的朋友，作为饭后果He was at every one of your swim meets cheering you on. 重点是他参加了你每一场游泳比赛，帮你加油That's a pretty great dad. 他是个好爸爸He had sex with Mr. Garibaldi. 他跟嘉利巴迪先生上床-Who's Mr. Garibaldi? -Does it matter?! -谁是嘉利巴迪先生？ -那很重要吗？！You're not 14 anymore, okay? Maybe it's time you let that stuff go.你不再是十四岁的孩子，好吗？或许你该忘了那些事If he's not at your wedding, you'll regret it for the rest of your life. 如果他没来参加你的婚礼你会遗憾终生的Okay, but I'm just doing this for you. 好吧，但我这么做是为了你-I never get to win anymore? -How much did you ever win before? -我永远都赢不了吗？ -你以前又赢过几次了？You know how when you're wearing pants and you lean forward... 你知道当你穿着裤子身体往前倾时…I check out your underwear? 我可以看到你的内裤吗？Well, when Jake did it... 喔，当杰克那么做时…I saw that he was wearing women's underwear. 我看到他穿着女人的内裤I know. They were mine. 我知道，那是我的内裤Oh! 喔！No, no, wait. That's weird. 不，等一下，那太奇怪了We were goofing around, and I dared him to try them on. 我们只是闹着玩我跟他打赌他不敢穿上它们That's weird! 那真的很奇怪-I'm wearing his briefs right now. -That's kind of hot. -我正穿着他的内裤 -那真的很性感I think so too. And that little flap? Great for holding my lipstick.我也那么认为，你知道那个小洞吗？它刚好可以拿来放我的口红I wouldn't know about that. 我倒是不知道那一点Jake says that women's underwear is actually more comfortable.杰克说，事实上女人的内裤更舒服He loves how silk feels against his skin. 他喜欢丝质内裤贴在他皮肤上的感觉Next he'll say your high heels are good for his posture. 接下来他会说穿上你的高跟鞋他更婀娜多姿There's nothing wrong with Jake. He is all man. 杰克没有什么不正常的他是个货真价实的男人I think more than you. 我担心的是你He looked like a real lumberjack in those pink lacies. 那看起来像是穿着粉红色蕾丝内裤的伐木工人Only a man completely secure in his masculinity could... 我是说只有真正相信自己男子气概的男人…walk around in women's underwear. I don't think you could. 才会穿上女人的内裤我敢说你办不到-I am secure with my masculinity. -Okay, whatever. -我很相信我的男子气概 -好吧，随便你You've seen my huge stack of porn. 你看过我收集的色情杂志了吧？God, I forgot how much I love driving. 天啊，我都忘了我有多爱开车了I have got to get my license renewed. 我得去换新驾照You don't have a valid driver's license? Pull over right now. 你的驾照过期了？马上停车You're so tense. You just gotta relax, okay? 罗斯，你太紧张了你得放轻松，好吗？Okay? Just need to relax. All right? Just need to relax. 你只需要放轻松，好吗？放轻松What are you..? That's not funny. Stop horsing around. 你在…？那一点都不好笑，别闹了I am not horsing around, okay? 我没有胡闹，好吗？I am "Porsche-ing" around. 我在“开保时捷”兜风Uh-oh. 喔Stay calm. Nothing will happen. You're not in that much trouble. 保持冷静，不会有事的你没有惹上大麻烦Really? You think so? 真的吗？你那么认为？I'm talking to myself. You're going down! 我是在跟自己说话，你死定了！（四后俱乐部）我是在跟自己说话，你死定了！Has someone taken your order? 有人来帮你们点东西了吗？Oh, yeah. She did. He did. She? I'm sorry, I'm new. I don't...对，她来过了，是他才对，是她吗？抱歉，我第一次来，我不…-I just ordered a beer. -You're straight. I get it. -我点了一杯啤酒 -你是异性恋，我懂了If we called your dad, we'd have better seats. 如果我们打电话给你爸就能坐到比较好一点的位置I don't want him to know we're here yet. I'm not ready. 我不想让他知道我们来了我还没有准备好He won't be too happy to see me either. 而且他看到我也不会太高兴Why not? 为什么？He's kind of tried to contact me... 我不知道我有没有告诉你…-a lot the last few years. -What? -过去几年来他常常试着跟我联络 -什么？Yeah. He's made phone calls, written letters. 对，他会打电话，写信给我He came to New York. I said I was too busy. 他会到纽约来，但我总是说我很忙It's very "Cats in the Cradle." I don't want to get into it. 那就像是“恶意缺席”我真的不想谈Here we go. 节目要开始了Ladies and gentlemen, welcome the incomparable... 各位先生女士，欢迎与世无双的…Helena Handbasket. 海莲娜汉德巴斯奇Hello, darlings. 嗨，我的小亲亲们And there's Daddy. 他就是我爸Switch places with me. Come on! I'll go under, you go over. 快跟我换位置，快点！我在上面，你在下面-Yeah, I'll get right on that. -Come on! -对，我愿意那么做 -快点What? No. Hey, Rach, come on. -什么？不，瑞秋，别那样 -快点I'm sure we won't get arrested for this. 我相信我们不会因此被逮捕Hi, officer. Was I going a little too fast? 嗨，警官，我的速度有点快吗？Oh, my God. 喔，我的天啊-Can I see your license, please? -Absolutely. -麻烦你把驾照拿出来 -没问题It's weird. I had a dream last night that I was stopped by a policeman.这太奇怪了，我昨晚做了一个梦梦到我被一个警察拦下来And then he... 然后他…Well, I probably shouldn't tell you the rest. 或许我不该告诉你接下来的情节-Your license. -Yes. Here you go, Officer... -你的驾照 -对，在这里，警官…Handsome. 帅哥警官-It's Hanson. -Oops, sorry. My mistake. -是韩森才对 -喔，对不起，我看错了Dear Lord! 我的天啊！-Wow! -Here it comes. -哇！ -好了This is a great picture. 这张照片很漂亮Really? You think so? You know, I had just rolled right out of bed. 真的吗？你真的那么想？拍照时我才刚刚起床You look phenomenal. 你看起来很美She should! It was taken 10 years ago! 一点都没错，那是十年前的照片了You know, you probably... 你知道的，或许你很纳闷wonder about the old date. 日期有点不太对劲Yes. You're an Aquarius, huh? 没错，你是水瓶座吗？-I'll bet you're a Gemini. -No. -我敢说你是双子座 -不是-Taurus? -No. -金牛座？ -不是-Virgo? -No. -处女座？ -不是-Sagittarius? -Yep. -射手座？ -对I knew it. I knew it! 我就知道You won't speed anymore, right? 不要再超速了，好吗？I won't speed. 我不会超速的-Promise to take care of this? -I promise. -你发誓你会去换驾照？ -我发誓Let him drive. Does he have a license? 还有，让他开车，他有驾照吗？-Can he handle a stick? -Well... -他会开手动的车吗？ -喔…I can handle a stick! 我会开手动的车！-That can't be your father. -I've been saying that for years. -他不可能是你爸 -多年来我一直是那么告诉自己-Oh, my God! -What? -喔，我的天啊 -什么？That's Mr. Garibaldi playing the piano. 弹钢琴的人就是嘉利巴迪先生Hello, and welcome to the show. 嗨，欢迎你们来看表演I see some of our regulars in the audience. 在观众席中我看到一些常客And a couple of irregulars. 还有一些新面孔-He's coming into the audience. -Relax. You'll be fine. -他要走进观众席里了 -放轻松，你会没事的Oh, much better. You're invisible now. 喔，好多了，现在你成了隐形人-Where are you from? -Bakersfield. -你是从哪里来的？ -贝克斯菲德-I'm sorry? -Bakersfield. -对不起？ -贝克斯菲德No, no, I heard. I'm just sorry. 不，我听到了，我只是觉得很遗憾I'll meet you back at the hotel. 我无法接受这种事情我们回饭店碰面Look, a standing ovation already. So early in the show. 大家看，已经有人站起来鼓掌节目才刚刚开始Turn around, darling. Let me see your pretty face. 转身吧，亲爱的让我看看你帅气的脸Can we have our drinks, please? Waiter? tress? 我们的饮料能快点送上来吗？服务生？…小姐？-Hey, Phoebe. -Hey. -嘿，菲比 -嘿Check it out. 你看How much of a man am I? 我很有男子气概吧？Wow, nice. Manly, and also kind of a slut. 哇，太棒了，你很有男子气概但你也是个荡妇I'm beginning to see what Jake was talking about. 我开始了解杰克的意思了The silk feels really good. 丝内裤的感觉真的很舒服And things aren't as smashed down as I thought they would be. 而那玩意不像我想像中会挤成一团That's great. 那真的是太棒了You have so many more choices than with men's underwear.而男人的内裤选择没那么多Bikini, French cut, thong. And the fabrics: cotton, silk, lace. 比基尼，法式剪裁，丁字裤质料有棉，丝跟蕾丝You know what I've always wondered about? Pantyhose! 你知道我一直想穿什么吗？裤袜！The way they start at your toe, then they go all the way up to.. 从脚趾头开始一路往上拉到…-I should go take these off. -I think it's important you do. -我应该把内裤脱下来的，对吧？ -我想你最好那么做What's your name? 你叫什么名字？Chandler. 钱德Chandler? 钱德？What an unusual name. 那个名字真是与众不同You must have had terribly fascinating parents. 你的父母一定很棒Oh, they're a hoot. 喔，他们只会大喊大叫的And who is your friend? 你的朋友叫什么名字？I'm Monica. 我是摩妮卡-Monica. Where are you from? -New York. -摩妮卡，你们从哪里来的？ -纽约I'm not very fond of New York. Queens, I like. 我不太喜欢纽约但我喜欢皇后区What is this... 这个亮晶晶的…sparkling something, honey, huh? 东西是什么？甜心Actually, Monica and I are engaged. 事实上摩妮卡跟我订婚了Really? 真的吗？Congratulations. 恭喜你们When's the big day? 你们什么时候结婚？In two weeks. 两星期后I see. 我知道了Well, I wish you both a lifetime of happiness. 喔，我祝你们两个永远幸福So, you're bald. 原来你是个秃头Wait, wait. 等一下We'd love it if you could be there. 我们希望你能来参加我们的婚礼Really? 真的吗？I know it would make me happy... 我知道那会让我觉得很快乐…ma'am. 夫人Then I wouldn't miss it for the world. 我一定会去的I'm getting all misty here. 我都热泪盈眶了You'd think I was having my legs waxed or something. 你们一定会以为我刚刚用热蜡除过腿毛-You okay? -Yeah. -你还好吗？ -我很好Thanks for making me do this. 谢谢你逼我这么做Before we go on with the show, I want to say to the bride and groom...在继续表演前，我要跟这对新人说…how lucky they are to have found each other. 他们非常幸运能找到彼此In every life a little rain must fall. 每个人的人生都会遇到雨天Fortunately... 还好…in my life... 在我的人生中…When I was growing up, I played the one on the far left. 我小时候演过最左边那个角色Remind me to introduce you to someone. 提醒我介绍你给某人认识-Who? -Fourth gear. -谁？ -四档What does he want? I wasn't doing anything. 他想做什么？我什么都没做Maybe he saw your hands slip briefly from the 10 and 2:00position. 或许他看到你的手只会从十点的位置滑到两点的位置Maybe it's Sergeant Sagittarius coming back to flirt some more. 或许是射手座警官折回来想泡你It's a different guy. 不是刚刚那个警官-Good evening, sir. -Do you know how fast you were going? -晚安，警官 -你知道你的时速有多快吗？No, I don't, but it couldn't have been more than 60. 不，我不知道但应该没有超过六十里You're right. It was 37. 你说的对，只有三十七里You're not ticketing me for driving too slow, are you? 你该不会因为我开得太慢要开我罚单吧？That's right. 没错You know, officer... 你知道的，警官…I had the weirdest dream last night. 昨晚我做了一个非常奇怪的梦Oh, my God! 喔，我的天啊！Your license, please. 麻烦你把驾照拿出来You don't want to hear about my dream... 你不想听听我做了什么梦…Officer... 警官…Pretty? 英俊警官It's Petty. 是佩堤警官才对I'll be right back with your ticket. 我马上帮你开罚单-You have a son. -I know. I know. -你有个儿子 -我知道-Feel better? -Yeah. Much. -你觉得好一点了吗？ -对，我好多了Listen... 听着…Not that I'm insecure about my manhood or anything, but...我并不是担心我的男子气概…I need to hook up with a woman right now. 但我想我应该马上去泡个女人I understand. 我了解You look familiar. Do I know you? 你看起来好眼熟，我认识你吗？I don't think so. 应该不认识Maybe it's because I'm on television. 或许那是因为我是电视演员-I'm an actor on Days of our Lives. -Wow. Really? -我演出《我们的日子》 -哇，真的吗？-$4.50, please. -Oh, let me get this. -一共是四块半，谢谢 -喔，让我来吧These are for you. 这是送你的290 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000。

That was the 10th time I've peed here.It's also the 10th time you've told us.Sorry, it must be hard to hear.It's easier having babies playing "Bring in Da Funk" on your bladder!I am so sick of being pregnant. God!I can't sleep, except on my back, which hurt. So I can't sleep.My only happiness is from a cup of coffee......which is decaf because I'm pregnant!You want a cookie?Thank you so much!So, honey, how are those mood swings coming?I haven't had any yet.S04E22 The One with the Worst Best Man EverHey, guys.All right, here's the ring.Yes, yes! A thousand times, yes!Any ideas for the bachelor party?you have to decide who your best man will be.Oh, it's awkward.I already asked Chandler.He got to do it at your first wedding.I figured you'd understand. I've known him longer.I don't have any brothers. I'll never be a best man.You can be the best man when I get married.I'll never get to be a best man!Wait, wait.So you'll be my best man twice, and I won't be yours at all? Of course, you can be my best man.- I'm not getting married!It's a question for science-fiction writers.I can't believe it's not me.- I'm not even...You know what? That's it.From now on, Joey will be my best man.Shame about you, though.- Stop it. - What?One of the babies is kicking.That's a good thing.It's not kicking me. It's kicking another baby.Don't make me come in there!Do you have a big bowl I can borrow?There's one under the cabinet.- We're having a party tomorrow night.- No. Later!Get your ass back here, Tribbiani!Hormones.How come you're having a party and we're not invited?- It's Ross' bachelor party. - So?Are you bachelors?Are you strippers?Then you're not invited.Then you're not invited to our party either.What party?Phoebe's baby shower.Baby shower? That so doesn't sound like something I want to do.I can't believe I'm going to have a party.That's so great. A party!I don't know why.This is what I got going for the party liquor-wise.- Get a lot of liquor. - Great.In terms of the invite list, I got you, me and Chandler.I'll invite Gunther because we're talking pretty loud.I'll be there.I know it's your party......but I'd like to limit the number of museum geeks.Let's not invite any anthropologists. Just the dinosaur dudes.We'll need a six-pack of Zima.Hey, what are you doing?Just planning my bachelor party with my best man.Good luck trying to top the last one.It won't be that difficult since this one won't be......in the basement of a Pizza Hut.I'm Ross, I'm Ross. I'm too good for the Hut.I gotta go pick up Ben. Everything sounds great.Keep it on the mellow side. A few guys hanging out.- No strippers or anything. - You got it.See you later.Have fun planning your mellow party.There will be strippers. He didn't say anything about no strippers. He just said, "No strippers."I chose not to hear that.Look what I got, look what I got!They make these for little people!Little Village People.Look at this one. This is my favorite.That is so sweet.Phoebe will love dressing them.Except she won't be the one who gets to dress them.She won't get to keep the babies.My God, we are throwing the most depressing baby shower! Unless we give her all gifts she can use after her pregnancy.Like regular coffee. Tequila!- A can'ton of cigarettes! - She doesn't smoke.- It's the thought that counts. - It's a great idea.And those leather pants she's always wanted!She'll love that!What the hell is this?You thought it'd make me feel better?To give me something I can't use for two months?This sucks!- Who gave me this? - Well, l...They told me you like them.All right, then I'm wrong. It's a great gift. The best present I ever got! What's my next present?We don't have anything.All right, fine, then this is over.Balloons!- Listen, about the stripper... - Yeah?Good call!So I'll be hosting your next bachelor party?Joey, I'm kind of hoping this will be my last one.A little announcement.I've decided that my best man is my best friend Gunther.What's my last name?Central Perk?Thanks for not marrying Rachel.Hey, Gunther! Don't forget your shirt.What are those?Little party favors. Check it out.Just want everybody to know the position of my best man is still open. So is the position of the bride.Great.Smooth, man.You got some chili on your neck.I just want to say thanks, everyone. This was great!See you guys Monday morning.- Thanks, Joey. - Don't forget your shirt.Hey, museum geeks! Party's over.Wave bye-bye to the nice lady. There you go.Back to your parents' basement. All right.Boys, come on out. Here you go.Look at the birdies! Are those yours?They let you keep chickens and ducks as pets?And I got the duck totally trained too.Stare at the wall.Hardly move.Be white.You are good at that.I had fun tonight.- You throw one hell of a party. - Thanks. It was great meeting you.If any of my friends ever get married or have a birthday or a Tuesday... Yeah, that'd be great.So, I guess, good night.Unless you want to hang around.I'll let you play with my duck.Stripper!The stripper stole the ring!Chandler, get up! The stripper stole the ring!- What? - The ring is gone!Just give me a minute to wake up for this.You lost the ring. You're the worst best man!This isn't funny. I go to sleep, everything's cool.I wake up, the stripper's gone, and the ring is gone!- You slept with her? - Of course!- Hi, guys. - Hi, Phoebe.I wanted to apologize if I seemed a tad edgy yesterday at my shower.Just the hormones.- No, we... - Hormones.I wanted to say thank you. It was so sweet.You seem to be doing much better.- How are things going? - Good.Everything's been about me lately. So what's happening with you? We were just talking about me not going to Ross' wedding.It just might be too hard, given the history and all that.This reminds me of the time when I lived on the street.This guy offered to buy me food if I slept with him.How is this like that?Well, let's see. It's not really like that.Because that was an actual problem.And yours is just a bunch of high-school crap......that nobody really gives!I'm sorry. I just thought...Here come the water works.I called the company that sent her, and they don't care.I called 911 and they yelled at me. This is an emergency!I really wanna help you out, but I got plans to go see Titanic... ...so I've got to call 911 to find out what time it starts.Hey, guys.Thanks again for last night. What a great party.The guys from work had a blast.One of them had never been to a bachelor party before.Another one had never been to a party before.So that wedding ring.- Man, that is nice. - Yeah, right?I might pick one of those babies up for myself.Where might one get one of those?When my grandmother first came to this country......that ring and the clothes on her back were all she had with her. So you might say that the ring is irreplaceable.Absolutely. It's been in my family for generations.Every bride who's worn it has lived a long and happy life.So you might say it's a magic ring.Yeah, the stripper stole it.What?- What did you just... - I think I heard what he said.I believe it was, "The stripper stole the ring."My ring? My wedding ring?The stripper stole my wedding ring?How could this happen?It all started when you said, "Joey, you be my best man!"All right. I'm going to call the cops.I screwed up. But you don't have to turn me in.- I already did that.They said they'd look into it after they solve all the murders.- I did that too.They wouldn't give me her real name.They said if I bother them again, they'd call the police.I said, "You talk to the police, you tell them I'm missing a ring."So, what are you telling me?There's nothing we can do?- Look, Ross, I am so sorry.What if we just called her...ed a fake name and had her come to my office?That sounds like fun, but we got a ring to find!Here's your tea, Phoebe.It's so good.Thanks.- Good. - So glad you like it.What? She made the tea.I think I just had a contraction.- What? - My God!I felt one a few minutes ago.That definitely was one.You can't have the baby here.I haven't sterilized the apartment since the guys moved out! It's okay. I'll boil some water and rip up some sheets.It's probably false labor.That can happen near the end. Just get the book.- Get the book! - The book!- The Bible? - I don't know!All right. This is great.You get behind the desk.When she comes in, she won't recognize you because... Well, why would she?And then you buzz Ross and I.You be Mr. Gonzales, and I'll be Mr. Wong.Diverse.Anybody call for security?You be cool.Which one is Gunther Central Perk?Joey.Where's my ring? My dead grandmother's wedding ring. Way to be cool, man.What?There was a ring in a box. After you left, it was gone.You think I stole some ring?We know you took it! Just save yourself the time and confess. Who are you, the Hardy Boys?I don't need to steal a stupid ring. I make $ 1,600 a week. Any of you guys make that?Marry me.I don't get it. It was in my room all night. She didn't take it.I didn't take it. You didn't take it. Then who did?We're trying to think.I don't get how you know it's false labor.Do you see any babies?- How do you feel? - Okay, I guess.I don't know.I know it's going to be over soon so...But isn't that a good thing?- You said you were sick of this. - I know.Usually, when you're done with the pregnant thing......you get to do the mom thing.But I'll be sitting around in my leather pants, drinking tequila. Some moms do that.That's even sadder.Look, I know what I got myself into.It's just that now that they're in me......it's like I know them and...It just won't be easy when these babies have to go away.I know, sweetie.But it's not like you won't have anything.You'll have nieces and nephews. That's even better.- Yeah, okay. - No, really.You won't be the one worrying about saving for college.Or yelling at them when they're bad.Or putting them on Ritalin when they just won't calm down.You'll be the one they run away to. The one they talk to about sex. You just get to be cool Aunt Phoebe.Cool Aunt Phoebe.I am pretty cool.And you know what else? Are they going to love you!They are going to love me.Thanks, you guys. Again.Oh, sweetie.Thanks.What?Just kidding.Oh, my God!Got you again. You're so easy!If anything happens to him...The vet said it's a simple procedure.Things can go wrong. What if he doesn't make it?- He will, Joe. - But what if he doesn't?He's such a good duck.I'm so worried about him!Somebody lose a ring?Oh, my God! Thank you! Thank you so much!How's the duck?Just fine. You'll see him in a bit.Great.- No, that's all right.You made me your best man and I totally let you down. - Yeah, it is.You wouldn't have lost it.Ross, you were right. He should be your best man.- No, you should. - Don't argue.I get to choose my best man.I want both you guys.Really?Both you guys should be up there with me.You two are my...I'm lucky to have just one good...Thanks, man.I got to go check something, okay?- What a baby! - Total wuss.- Mom gave it to me.She said something about it being a wedding ring and that you may not need... ...one.I really didn't need to tell you all that.I mean, I've always loved that ring.Oh, Mon, I'm sorry.I'd let you have it, but Emily's gotten really attached to it.Thanks.- Here you go. - Thanks.Emily, did you know that that ring spent two days in a duck's colon?。