英语写作技巧 善用从句,变化才是真
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如何在英文写作中运用恰当的句型和句式变化在英文写作中,恰当使用句型和句式变化可以提升表达的多样性和丰富性,增强文章的语言流畅度和吸引力。
本文将探讨如何在英文写作中运用恰当的句型和句式变化,以求达到更好的表达效果。
一、选择丰富的句型在写作中使用多种句型可以使文章更具变化,增加读者的兴趣。
除了简单的主谓宾结构外,我们可以尝试使用定语从句、状语从句、非限制性定语从句等句型。
例如,原句 "She is a teacher." 可以变为 "Sheis a teacher who is admired by her students." 或 "As a teacher, she is admired by her students." 这样的句子结构更富有变化和表达力。
二、灵活运用句子成分灵活运用句子成分可以使文章的表达更具多样性。
我们可以通过改变主语、宾语、谓语等成分,达到改变句子结构和增加表达力的目的。
例如,原句 "They built a school." 可以变为 "A school was built by them." 或 "They undertook the construction of a school." 这些变化使句子更富有层次感和变化。
三、掌握并运用不同的句子类型除了陈述句外,疑问句、感叹句、条件句等不同的句子类型也可以使文章表达更加生动。
在写作中,我们可以尝试使用不同的句子类型来增加句法多样性。
例如,原句 "He went to the store." 可以改为 "Didhe go to the store?" 或 "How he went to the store!" 这样的变化可以使文章更加丰富有趣。
考研英语作文归纳★目标:整理范文、形成自己的模板(格式;积累词汇、词组、句型、表达、思路)·应用文:书信(各类梗概及常用表达)、告示思路1、自我介绍(私人信函不需要)(1)表明身份类(2)通过写自己对事件的看法或联系来展现自己(3)介绍背景(概括事件背景)(4)引出对象,表明态度2、写作目的(改写提纲一,为写作的中心思想)不可照抄题干,可适当使用关键词或词组,或进行同义改写·表明请求/感谢/投诉/道歉/建议/邀请/推荐/倡议/咨询目的(二)第二段:3句1、改写提纲二2、分论点一、二(1)理由、原因并论证(2)请求的具体方面(3)提出具体措施、流程、做法(4)说明信息细节(5)解释道歉情况(三)尾段:1~2句1、期待(尽快)回信2、表示感谢3、写作目的(前后呼应,但句型要变化)4、其他(1)提出解决方案和建议/总结建议(2)说明具体操作流程或做法应用文模板归纳一、建议信(2007、2009)(1)首段①★…Generally speaking, …; however, I have some suggestions for you to adopt. And I wouldgreatly appreciate your taking my suggestions into consideration.②I have been for many years with a great enthusiasm and interest. It is my view that(2)第二段①★To crack this hard nut, I would like to give/offer/render/propose some/severaluseful/practical/conducive recommendations as follows. First and foremost, it is imperative for us to… . In addition, we should . Last but not least, …②T o begin with, will you please…?…Moreover,…If you could be so kind as to…we would begrateful.(3)末段①★I hope you would find the above proposals conducive and I would like to discuss thismatter to further details. Your prompt attention to my suggestions would be highly appreciated.②I do want to share some advice for …/It is my great pleasure to offer you several practicalsuggestions.③I really wish to …. Thank you for your time and consideration.二、感谢信(2010)(1)首段①★I am writing to express my heartfelt gratitude. I am referring to that …②I have just arrived at …. As I sit down at my desk, I just want to write a letter to you to thankyou for …. You and your family left a deep impression upon me. Indeed, t… is one of the most wonderful memories in my life.(2)第二段If you had not been for your timely assistance in …, I fear that …. Everyone agrees that it was your quick-witted response in that emergency that has led to this satisfactory outcome.(3)末段Please give my best regards to your family.(如果涉及第三人的帮助)三、投诉信(2012)(1)首段I bought an … from … on …, but after using it for a short period of time(事件概况), I found ithas some problems.(2)第二段T o begin with, …. This means that …. In addition, …. Personally, I find this to be completely unacceptable.(3)末段Therefore, I would like to either …or …. Your help is greatly appreciated.四、邀请信(2013)(1)首段①(作为嘉宾等)On behalf of XXX Contest committee, I’m writing to invite you to ….②(作为普通来客)I am very pleased to inform you that …is organizing a ….Y ou are cordiallyinvited to participate in this significant event as …(2)第二段①介绍活动:As the core part of …, this … is due to be held in the Students’ Auditorium on …,and I believe that you can give our competitors some enlightening comments as …. Specifically, the event will start at …, and last for … at most. At the end of it, we will have some hand-made presents for each judge and competitor.(3)末段①Once again, we sincerely hope you can be the judge for our competition. Please RSVPbefore this weekend.②We look forward to seeing you at this … and to having you as important members of thisevent. If you accept this invitation, please advise us of your time of arrival, so that we can make necessary arrangements.五、推荐信(2015、2017)(1)首段As the host of the upcoming reading session(背景), I am writing the email in purpose of recommend my favorite book to you, Tao Te Ching, which is written by Lao Tzu.(推荐目的)(2)第二段·开头:The primary causes/ factors/reasons (of my recommendation)are as follows.·具体推荐①列举理由:To begin with, it is the best-loved of all … and the most universally popular. Inaddition/Moreover/Meanwhile, the book encapsulates …, and upholds …. The dominant image in the book is …As …, it was listed as one of②主要内容:For one thing+主要内容,For another, it gives us a vivid description of……(3)末段·表示期待:I hope the above information will help you to know the book. / I hope you will have the opportunity to / Wish you enjoy …. Looking forward to your reply.·其他:If you need any further information about this selection, please do not hesitate to contact me.六、答复信(2017)(1)首段I am extremely honored to accept your invitation to …(2)第二段Here are the key points of my presentation. First of all, …. …. In addition,…(3)末段My appreciation to you for your generous help is beyond words. I am looking forward to hearing from you soon.七、道歉信(1)首段①I’m writing to apologize for …. Had I paid more attention then, I wouldn’t have made such astupid mistake.②I am very grateful to have(先捧)…I appreciate the opportunity of…(后杀)The experiencesI had here are ones I will not forget for my entire life(再捧)(2)第二段①Now something must be done to solve the problem because I understand …. To solve theproblem, I can either …or alternatively …. If you do not mind, I may …②However/Unfortunately……If possible, I would like to ….I promise that such situation doesnot usually happen,(3)末段Please accept my sincere apologies for any inconveniences that I have cause, and let me know which solution you prefer at your earliest convenience. I hope this will settle the matter to your satisfaction八、倡议信(2013)(1)首段XXX is to hold …on January 5, 2013. As …, I’m calling on all students to take part in it.(2)第二段We ask you to …. Unless we can raise sufficient money, those poor kids won’t be able to afford their education and finish school.(3)末段As a nation renowned in the world for many of its virtues, we Chinese people have been giving a helping hand to those who are in distress throughout history. It’s our duty to provide as much support as we can in this hour of need. Please contribute generously.九、咨询信(2014)Finally, could you please offer me some proposals as regards living in your city? I’m sure that …would be one of the best times in life.十、请求信(2006)(1)首段Moved by the noble cause of Project Hope and encouraged by what has been achieved so far(介绍情况), I would like to …(2)第二段I would be much grateful if you could help me(3)末段My appreciation to you for your generous help is beyond words. I am looking forward to hearing from you soon.十一、告示Volunteers NeededDec. 26, 2015(1)首段①In order to …,our university is going to hold a … in … during ….②Volunteers are needed for the International Conference on Globalization to be held on thiscampus in early July.(2)第二段①要求:Basic requirements are …. Other requirements include …Preference will be given tothose….②介绍情况:… will be involved in various activities, including ….(3)末段①Call XXX or send messages to XXX for an application and for information on the interview.Phone and email enquiries are encouraged; no visits please.②Those who are interested in being volunteers may sign up with the monitor of their classbefore Jan. 10, 2016. Come and join us now.图画作文一、开头:引言/起始/淘金(图画描述,3句)(一)总体描述(1句)·图画描述,不应发表议论。
英文写作技巧如何构建清晰的句子结构在英文写作中,构建清晰的句子结构是至关重要的。
一个清晰、流畅的句子结构可以帮助读者更好地理解文章的内容,同时也展现了作者的语言表达能力。
下面将介绍几个英文写作技巧,帮助您构建清晰的句子结构。
首先,使用简明扼要的表达。
在英文写作中,使用简明扼要的表达是非常重要的。
避免使用冗长的句子结构,要善于提炼出句子的主要信息,使其更加精炼。
例如,将“I'm thinking of going to the cinema tonight because I really want to watch the new movie that was just released.”简化为“I want to go to the cinema tonight to watch the new movie.”可以使句子更加简洁明了。
其次,注意并列结构的使用。
在英文写作中,使用并列结构可以使句子结构更加清晰。
并列结构指的是将几个并列关系的内容放在同一个句子中,使用逗号或连词来连接。
例如,将“I went to the supermarket.I bought some fruits. I al so bought a bottle of milk.”改写为“I went to the supermarket and bought some fruits, as well as a bottle of milk.”可以使句子结构更加简洁明了。
另外,注意使用从句来增加句子的丰富性和信息量。
从句是一个完整的句子,在主句中充当一个词或词组的作用。
使用从句可以使句子更加具体和富有表现力。
例如,将“The car is red. It is parked outside.”改写为“The car, which is parked outside, is red.”增加了从句"which is parked outside",使句子结构更加清晰和丰富。
2024年高中英语满分英语作文攻略:句式多变一篇优秀的书面表这首先内容要全、段落层次清晰、行文逻辑通顺连贯,同时还要注意恰当地运用强调句、倒装句、复合句及含有非动词的高级句式,彰显考生的丰富的语言内涵,但是,在使用每样句式时,应避循以下原则:高级但不造作,多变但不离谱,复杂但不晦涩。
平时要注重有意识地积累和背通原汁原味的英语句子和文章,有意识地尝试使用或模仿。
1运用强调句,以示突出强调句型的使用是为了突出强调句子的某一部分,它是一种比较容易掌握的高级表达方式。
其构成:(1)强调句型的基本结构为“It+is/was+被强调部分+that/ who十句子其他部分”;(2020江苏满分作文) Because of these films,some foreigners have begun to think of coming to China.+It is because of these films that some foreigners have begun to think of coming to China.正是因为这些电影,一些外国人开始考虑来中国。
(2)借助于助动词 do/does/did 对谓语动词进行强调。
(2020新高考山东满分作文)We do hope that the school will carry out more similar activities in the future我们真的希望学校今后能开展更多类似的活动。
2运用倒装句,以示强调在写作中倒装句应用比较广泛,涉及的句型也比较多,包括部分倒装和全部倒装。
常见的有:(1)“only+状语”置于句首时,句子用部分倒装。
(2021江西五校高三模拟)We can raise people's awareness of protecting our environment only in this way.+Only in this way can we raise people's awareness of protecting our environment.只有这样我们才能提高人们保护环境的意识。
高考英语写作技巧如何让句型升级1. 使用复合句:在简单句的基础上,使用从属连词(例如:although, while, since等)引导从句,使句子结构更加复杂。
例如:简单句:I like to read books.(我喜欢读书。
)复合句:Although I have a busy schedule, I still like toread books.(虽然我时间很紧,但我还是喜欢读书。
)2.使用倒装句:将主语和谓语动词的位置颠倒,使句子更具有强调性。
例如:正常语序:He was studying in the library when I saw him.(当我看到他时,他正在图书馆学习。
)倒装句:Studying in the library was he when I saw him.(当我看到他时,他正正在图书馆学习。
)3. 使用强调句:通过在句子中添加“do”或“did”来强调谓语动词。
例如:原句:She likes to play the piano.(她喜欢弹钢琴。
)强调句:It is playing the piano that she likes to do.(她喜欢做的就是弹钢琴。
)4.使用非谓语动词:将动词变为非谓语形式(例如:不定式、动名词、分词),可以使句子更简洁、流畅。
例如:原句:She can finish the homework quickly.(她可以快速完成作业。
)非谓语动词:She can finish the homework quickly.(她可快速完成作业。
)5.使用插入语:通过在句子中插入一个短语或从句,来增加细节或修饰句子的内容。
例如:原句:Jack, my best friend, helped me a lot.(杰克,我的最好朋友,给了我很多帮助。
)插入语:Jack, who is my best friend, helped me a lot.(杰克,我的最好朋友,给了我很多帮助。
高中英语作文写作句型转换的技巧分析在写英语的作文的时候,很多学生由于阅读理解花费的时间太多,导致作文的时间不够用写不出好的作文,掌握一些写作的机技巧,会让学生快速的写好英语作文,下面店铺的小编将为大家带来英语写作技巧介绍,希望能够帮助到大家。
高中英语作文写作句型转换的技巧1、词与词之间的转换1).形容词转换为名词This painting is very valuable.This painting is of great value.2).动词转换为名词Our hometown has changed a lot these years.Great changes have taken place in my hometown these years.2、词与从句的转换As he was tired and hungry, the boy was unwilling to move onTired and hungry, the boy was unwilling to move on.3、非谓语动词与从句之间的转换1).动名词和从句的转换When he arrives, please give me an e-mail.On hearing his arrival, please give me an e-mail.2).分词和从句的转换A.现在分词与从句的转换As he was lying in the grass, he thought of his parents living in the countryside.Lying in the grass, he thought of his parents living in the countryside.B.过去分词与从句的转换Once it is seen, it will never be forgotten.Once seen, it will never be forgotten3).不定式与从句的转换He spoke louder so that the audience could hear him clearly.To make himself heard clearly, he spoke louder.4、独立主格与从句的转换If weather permits, we shall go there on foot.Weather permitting, we shall go there on foot.(逻辑主语+现在分词)If everything is considered, his plan seems to be more workable.Everything taken into consideration, his plan seems to be more workable.(逻辑主语+过去分词)When this was done, we went home.This done, we went home.Given good luck, I will earn more money than all of you.Good luck given, I will earn more money than all of you.Because there was nothing to do, we played games.There being nothing to do, we played games.(being 不可省略)点击查看:英语作文写作技巧大全5、句与句之间的转换1).简单句与复合句的转换The girl is spoken highly of. Her composition was well written.The girl whose composition was well written is spoken highly of.2).一般句式与强调句的转换I graduated from the university last summer.It was last summer that I graduated from the university.3).条件句与祈使句的转换If you go through the gate, you will find the entrance to Bear Country.Go through the gate, and you will find the entrance to Bear Country.4).宾语从句与状语从句的转换I won't believe what he says.No matter what he says, I won't believe him.6、“二态”之间的转换1).时态的转换The bell is ringing now.There goes the bell.2).主动语态变为被动语态People suggested that the meeting be put off.It is suggested that the meeting be put off.7、其他形式的转换1).正常语序与倒装语序的转换Though I'm weak I will make the effort.Weak as I am, I will make the effort.They will never give up the struggle for successNever will they give up the struggle for success.2).陈述语气与虚拟语气的转换The ship didn't sink with all on board because there were the efforts of the captain.But for the efforts of the captain, the ship would have sunk with all on board.高中英语万能的开头1. 关于……人们有不同的观点。
英语写作变高级的方法
以下是一些可以将英语写作变得更为高级的方法:
1. 使用复杂的词汇和短语:使用一些不太常见,但意义丰富的词汇和短语,可以使你的英语写作更为出彩。
例如,你可以将“美丽的”替换为“绚丽的”,“极好的”等词。
2. 多样化句子结构:试着在你的文章中使用不同的句子结构。
这包括使用被动语态,强调句型,以及从句等等。
3. 使用修辞手法:比喻,拟人,排比等修辞手法可以使你的英语写作更有深度。
例如,“他跑得像一只离弦的箭”就是一个比喻。
4. 增加细节:增加更多的细节可以使你的文章更生动,更具有说服力。
例如,你可以使用描绘性的词汇来描述一个场景或情感。
5. 避免常见的语法错误:在写作中避免常见的语法错误可以使你的文章更专业。
例如,使用正确的时态,正确的名词和动词形式等。
6. 校对和编辑:在完成写作后,一定要花时间校对和编辑你的文章。
这可以帮助你发现并修正语法错误,或者使用更好的表达方式。
7. 阅读更多:阅读高级英语写作可以帮助你学习如何写出更复杂的句子和段落。
试着阅读一些英文原著或者高级英文杂志。
8. 练习写作:练习是提高写作能力的关键。
你可以通过写日记,写文章,或者写电子邮件等方式来练习你的英语写作。
希望这些建议对你有所帮助!。
英语四级作文提分技巧:善于变化导读:本文英语四级作文提分技巧:善于变化,仅供参考,如果觉得很不错,欢迎点评和分享。
Before: The Art of Strategy was written by Sun Tzu. It is a fifty-six-hundred-word Chinese classical work. The writer put forth a set of principles in a very tightly compressed manner. They deal with how to defeat oppositions and win battles.这种表达的问题在于:(1) 简单的“主语+谓语”结构太多;(2) "written"和"writer","The Art of Strategy"和" It","set of principles"和" they"为重复用语;(3) 读起来很单调。
After:In his fifty-six-hundred word classic, The Art of Strategy, Sun Tzu put forth a tightly compressed set of principles for achieving triumph over opposition.介词结构+同位语+主语+谓语的形式比较好,因为将"Sun Tzu" 放到了最重要成分-主语的位置,其他成分按逻辑排序居次要地位。
整个句子很流畅。
再看下面各例Choppy: Of course, the weapons at Sun Tzu’s time were quite primitive. The armies were very large. They were nearly as large as those in World War Two. The devastation and human sufferings were just as profound as in World War Two.Better: Compared with World War Two, the weapons at Sun Tzu’s time were quite primitive, but the armies were nearly as large and the devastation and humansuffering just as profound.Choppy: Proverbs are short sayings. They are drawn from long experience.Better: Proverbs are short sayings drawn from long experience.Choppy: People change and places change as well. Jennifer felt this strongly. She had been away for eleven years.Better: On returning after an eleven-year absence, Jennifer had a strong feeling of how people and places change.Choppy: Beijing streets are crowded with taxis, company cars and private vehicles owned by the newly affluent. The number has been rising rapidly in the last few years. The latest statistics show there are now 1.2 million vehicles in Beijing alone.Better: Taxis, company cars and private vehicles owned by the newly affluent have crammed Beijing streets in rising numbers in the last few years -1.2 million vehicles at last count.Choppy: Moby Dick is a book. It is a long book. It is about a whale. A man named Ahab tries to kill it. Herman Melville wrote it.Better: Herman Melville wrote a long book called Moby Dick. It is the story of a struggle of a man against a whale.Choppy: Thousands of buildings met the same fate. This alone is now being preserved. It marks the center of the nuclear explosion. It is being preserved as a symbol. It symbolizes our wish that there be no more Hiroshimas.Better: Of the thousands of buildings that met the same fate, this alone, marking the center of the nuclear explosion, is now being preserved to symbolize our wish thatthere be no more Hiroshimas.Choppy: I have always had a dream. My dream has been to be a famous writer. Everyone would read my books. I would become very wealthy.Better: I have always dreamed of being a wealthy, famous writer, read by everyone.Choppy: This is a wreck. It was formerly the stately Imperial Garden. It is preserved deliberately as a reminder and symbol.Better: This wreck, formerly the stately Imperial Garden, is preserved deliberately as a reminder and symbol.句式变化的一些技巧英语的一个显著特征是它可轻易地把简单结构(一个中心意思)转化为复合结构(两个中心意思)和复杂结构(一个中心意思和一个从属意思)甚至转化为复合-复杂结构(两个或以上的意思)。
高考英语语法填空技巧及作文范文写作高分技巧从每年的考试情况来看,很多同学能完整地按照要求把文章写出来,但得分却较低。
实际上,高考英语书面表达是一个分值颇高且易得分的题型,只是很多同学没有掌握得分技巧。
下面我们一起看看怎样才能让高考作文拽起来。
一、几点重要原则1、智者利用押题,傻子依赖押题!2、书面表达整篇背诵绝无必要,可以以看读为主,关键是从中汲取一些常用的词汇和表达,并能得体熟练地运用。
考场上应变能力很重要!3、英文写作模仿很重要。
有时也很有效。
但不能过于牵强,尤其是对一些长难句的刻意模仿使用。
4、文似看山不喜平,起承转合一定要有!5、见微知著,一叶知秋,几个亮点足矣:有道是:浓妆淡抹总相宜,作文写得简洁到位要比长篇大论更显功力。
6。
心不为形役。
不要身陷逐字逐句英汉对号式的字面翻译,要把表达的主动权始终握在自己手里。
二、善用万能句以不变应万变历届高考,书面表达考得最多是提示作文,即提供一定的情景内容,要求考生完成100词左右的短文。
从命题方式看,有短文提示、要点提示、图画提示、情景提示以及图表提示等;体裁以应用文为主,记叙文为辅:题材为广大中学生所熟悉的日常生活。
从提供要点的情景方面看,历届高考书面表达题均属供料小作文,采用文字供料或文字说明加图画(图表)的方式供料。
备考时,同学们要利用有限的时间把以前背的范文整理一下,从中选出不同体裁、不同题材的范文各一篇(范文以高考真题的高分作文为佳),把它们重新记忆,一定记牢。
这样,高考时不管什么样的文章都可套用背诵好的格式。
避免考场上因紧张而无章可循。
最后阶段,还要总结一下写作时常用且能出彩的固定句型、句式,比如强调句型、定语从句、名诃性从句等,牢记英语的五个基本句式,背诵平时老师总结的万能句。
以不变应万变。
考场答题前,应仔细审题,研究所提供的文字和图画(图表)材料和作文要求。
分析、提炼要点,理顺要点,确立基本的写作思路,不要忽略任何一个词。
关键的词更不能遗漏,构思好写几个方面,缺一不可。
英语写作技巧善用从句,变化才是真一篇英语文章如果通篇都是简单句或者单一的句式,就会显得单调乏味、乏善可陈,也会暴露出作者的写作技巧之贫乏。
灵活多变的句式能使文章增色不少,例如通过分词、从句、介词或形容词词组等将若干简单句整合成长句,不仅能使句与句之间的联系更加紧密,而且还能增强整篇文章的逻辑性,读起来也不会枯燥无味。
同时,灵活的句式变化还能显示出作者对于语言文字的良好的掌控能力。
当然,使用各种复杂多变的句式有一个重要的前提,那就是不能出现低级的语法错误,否则就会适得其反。
例句点评Choppy: The Art ofStrategy was written by Sun Tzu. Itis a fifty-six-hundred-word Chinese classical work. The writer put forth a setof principles in a very tightly compressed manner. They deal with how to defeatoppositions and win battles.Better: Inhis fifty-six-hundred word classic, TheArt of Strategy, Sun Tzu put forth a tightly compressed set of principlesfor achieving triumph over opposition.【评析】修改前这段话的问题在于:(1)主谓结构过多;(2) written和writer、The Art of Strategy 和it、a set of principles和they指代的内容相同,显得重复;(3)单一的句式结构不仅显得句与句之间的逻辑关系松散,而且显得文字效果单调。
修改后的句子将原文包含的五个信息点(书名、作者、书籍特点/属性、主要内容、写作目的)囊括于一个长句之中,将“孙子提出一系列原则”(SunTzu put forth a set of principles)确定为最核心的主谓结构,其余次要信息分别通过两个介词词组(in和for)以及同位语的形式一一列出,条理清晰,符合英语的语言表达习惯。
Choppy: Of course, theweapons at Sun Tzu’s time were quite primitive. The armies were very large.They were nearly as large as those in World War Two. The devastation and humansufferings were just as profound as in World War Two.Better: Comparedwith World War Two, the weapons at Sun Tzu’s time were quite primitive, but thearmies were nearly as large and the devastation and human suffering just asprofound.【评析】分析修改前的几个句子可以发现,它们全都是在比较Sun Tzu’s time和World War Two这两个时期的武器(weapons)、军队(armies)以及破坏程度和人民疾苦(devastation and humansufferings),可考虑使用表比较的compared with结构。
意思相近的还有in contrast to、unlike、similar to等。
Choppy: Proverbsare short sayings. They are drawn from long experience.Better: Proverbs are short sayings drawn from longexperience.【评析】修改前的两个句子的主语proverbs和they指代的内容相同,因此可用which引导的定语从句连接这两个句子,改为“Proverbsare short sayings which are drawn from long experience.”为使句子简洁,可删去which are。
Choppy: People change andplaces change as well. Jennifer felt this strongly. She had been away foreleven years.Better: On returning after aneleven-year absence, Jennifer had a strong feeling of how people and placeschange.【评析】修改前的几个句子之间逻辑关系比较松散。
分析这几个句子之后我们发现,它们之间的关系应为:“Jennifer离开了11年之后再回来,强烈感觉到人和事都变了”。
修改后的句子把时间成分提前,后面是主次分明的主谓宾结构,句间的逻辑关系一目了然。
Choppy: Beijing streets are crowdedwith taxis, company cars and private vehicles owned by the newly affluent. Thenumber has been rising rapidly in the last few years. The latest statisticsshow there are now 2.1 million vehicles in Beijing alone.Better: Taxis, company cars andprivate vehicles owned by the newly affluent have crammed Beijing streets inrising numbers in the last few years—2.1 million vehicles at lastcount.【评析】修改前的句子中有三个主谓结构,句式结构显得比较单一,读起来令人十分乏味,且句与句之间的逻辑关系比较松散。
修改后的句子是主谓加同位语结构,比较精炼、耐读,且逻辑关系十分清晰。
Choppy: Moby Dick is a book. Itis a long book. It is about a whale. A man named Ahab tries to kill it. HermanMelville wrote it.Better: Herman Melville wrote a long book called Moby Dick. It is the story of a struggleof a man against a whale.【评析】修改前的几个句子都是围绕一本书的,书的名字、长短、主要内容、作者等等,但这几个句子句式结构太过单一,读起来完全感觉不到句子与句子之间的逻辑联系,且显得十分啰嗦。
其实我们完全可以用一个句子来理顺修改前的几个句子之间的逻辑关系:“XX写了一本XX书,书名叫XX,讲的是关于XX的故事”。
由此,我们可以尝试用过去分词形式(如called)、形容词形式(如long)以及介词结构(如of、against等)来连接原文中的几个句子,使句间的逻辑关系更为紧密。
具体改法参见修改后的句子。
Choppy: Thousands of buildings met the same fate. This alone is now beingpreserved. It marks the center of the nuclear explosion. It is being preservedas a symbol. It symbolizes our wish that there be no more Hiroshimas.Better: Of the thousands ofbuildings that met the same fate, this alone, marking the center of the nuclearexplosion,is now being preserved to symbolize our wish that there be no more Hiroshimas.【评析】分析修改前的几个句子,大意为“数千幢大楼都遭遇了同样的命运,唯独这一幢标志着核爆炸中心的建筑现在还被作为一个标志保留着,标明我们不希望再有更多的福岛事件”。
修改后的句子用了“介词结构+主语+分词结构修饰主语+谓语”来连接几个看起来毫无关系的句子,使句间的逻辑关系更加清晰,又是一个突破简单划一的主谓结构的典范。
Choppy: I have always had adream. My dream has been to be a famous writer. Everyone would read my books. Iwould become very wealthy.Better: I have always dreamedof being a wealthy, famous writer, read by everyone.【评析】修改前的句子连用四个短句,且几乎都是主谓宾结构,句式重复单调。
修改后的句子将“我有一个梦想”和“我的梦想是”合二为一,即I have always dreamed of来定位句子主干,再引出梦想的具体内容“being a wealthy,famous writer”,最后通过过去分词结构将修饰语“读者众多”和writer相关联。
很明显,修改后的句子主次分明、句式丰富且逻辑清晰。
Choppy: This is a wreck. It was formerly the stately Imperial Garden. Itis preserved deliberately as a reminder and symbol.Better: This wreck, formerly the stately Imperial Garden, is preserveddeliberately as a reminder and symbol.【评析】修改前的几个句子主语this、it和it,其实指代的都是同一个事物wreck,所以完全可以用同位语以及从句来连接,使其更加紧密。