老外一句话笑话
题: 【转】老外最精彩一句话笑话(附中文整理版)
发信站: 北邮人论坛 (Thu Dec 3 23:41:17 2009), 站内
1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So
I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
开始我直接求帝哥赐辆自行车。后来我琢磨帝哥办事儿不是这个路数。于是老子偷了一辆
然后求帝哥宽恕。
2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
我希望能像爷爷那样，安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一样
死法啊～
3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
你永远不能战胜一个纯傻逼,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你
4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list. 吾虽不杀伯仁，伯仁由我而死。/我真不想伤害你，但你也别逼我。/在这个世界上,我最不愿
意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列.
5、If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
如觉嘿咻乃屁眼不能承受之痛，那是你操错洞... /若XXOO。是下体的痛。那么。是你操错。
6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫～～～～～～晚到的老鼠有奶酪～～～～～ /早起的鸟儿有虫吃，早起的虫儿被鸟吃。
7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police. 在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.
8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
XXOO=打桥牌。如果对手不好使，自己的手必须好使
9、Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具)，没什么实在用处，但看他们倒腾来捣腾去还是很有喜感。
10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律的更替，而且是为了同一个无比肮脏的理
由～～
11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
战争不能决出正义，但能判出哪方出局。 / 暴力不能解决任何问题，但至少可以解决你。
12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的～/女人假装高潮以获
取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。
13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. 我们永远不可能真正的成熟，我们
14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
男人就两种状态:饿，性饥渴。要是他不硬，就给他来俩面包夹香肠～
15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...
16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch. 我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都是那么的坦荡。
17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks. 小姐啊，你干这么半天不揍是为了钱么。(曾以为我在卖艺，原来我是在卖身。)
18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments. 你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫~~
19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer. XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...
20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
