英语幽默笑话带翻译1:A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill." "I am afraid that he is dead." said the doctor,Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive." "Be quiet, "said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you"医生懂得多一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院.他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说:"我想他伤得很厉害."医生说:"我怕他已经死了."听到医生的话,这个男人转动着头说:"我没死,我还活着."妻子说:"安静,医生比你懂得多."2:You can't go without meThe bus is very crowded. A man tries to get on, but no one gives way to him."Hey, let me get on the bus." the man shouts."It's too crowded. You'd better take the next bus." a passenger says to him."But you can't go without me. I'm the driver." the man says. 没有我你们走不了公共汽车上很拥挤.一位男士想上车,但是没有人给他让路. "喂,让我上车"那位男士喊道."车太挤了,你最好坐下一辆"车上的一位乘客对他说."但是没有我你们走不了.我是司机"那位男士说道.3:DrunkOne day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk.""But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman"醉酒一天,父亲与小儿子一道回家;这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄,老是有提不完的问题;他向父亲发问道：“爸爸,‘醉’字是什么意思” “唔,孩子,”父亲回答说,“你瞧那儿站着两个警察;如果我把他们看成了四个,那么我就算醉了;” “可是,爸爸, ”孩子说,“那儿只有一个警察呀”4:HospitalityThe hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a pieceof cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese""In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.好客由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时,家里没有奶酪了,于是女主人向大家表示歉意;这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子;过了一会儿,他拿着一片奶酪回到房间,把奶酪放在客人的盘子里; 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子,你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好;你在哪里找到的奶酪”“在捕鼠夹上,先生;”那小男孩说;5:Dear white, something you got to know .When I was born, I was black. When I grow up, I am black. When I'm under the sun, I'm black. When I'm cold, I'm black. When I'm afraid, I'm black. When I'm sick, I'm black. When I die, I'm still black. you---white people, When you were born, you were pink. When you grow up, you become white. You're red under the sun. You're blue when you're cold. You are yellow when you're afraid. You're green when you're sick. You're gray when you die. And you, call me "color"亲爱的白种人,有几件事你必须知道; 当我出生时,我是黑色的我长大了,我是黑色的我在阳光下,我是黑色的我寒冷时,我是黑色的我害怕时,我是黑色的我生病了,我是黑色的当我死了,我仍是黑色的;你---白种人,当你出生时,你是粉红色的;你长大了,变成白色的;你在阳光下,你是红色的;你寒冷时,你是青色的;你害怕时,你是黄色的;你生病时,你是绿色的;当你死时,你是灰色的;而你,却叫我「有色人种」6：Where is the fatherTwo brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings. "Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are" "Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father"The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画;“看,”哥哥说,“这些画多漂亮呀”“是啊,”弟弟说道,“可是在所有这些画中,只有妈妈和孩子;那爸爸去哪儿了呢”哥哥想了会儿,然后解释道：“很明显,他当时正在画这些画呗;”7：How Many RabbitsTeacher: Now, Jonathan, if I gave you three rabbits and then the next day I gave you five rabbits, how many rabbits would you haveJonathan:Nine, sir.Teacher: NineJonathan:I've got one already, sir.多少只兔子老师：好,乔纳森,假如我给你三只兔子,第二天我又给你五只,你一共有多少只兔子乔纳森：一共有九只,先生;老师：九只乔纳森：先生,我本来就有一只;8：These Are My JeansAfter going on a diet,a woman felt really good about herself----especially when she was able to fit into a pair of jeans she had outgrown long ago．“Look,look．” she shouted while running downstairs to show her husband．“I can wear my old jeans again．”Her husband looked at her for a long tim e,when said,“Honey,I love you,but these are my jeans．”那是我的裤子一个妇女在减肥一段时间后自我感觉特别好——特别是当她又能穿上很早以前就穿不上的牛仔裤时;她跑下楼冲她丈夫喊道：“快看,快看;我又能穿上以前的裤子了;”她丈夫看了她好一会儿,然后说：“亲爱的,我爱你;但那是我的裤子;”9：The mean man's partyThe notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5th floor, find the door in the middle and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door is open, push it with your foot.""Why use my elbow and foot""Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-handed, are you"吝啬鬼请客一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了;他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼,找中间那个门,然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃;门开了之后,再用你的脚把门推开;”“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢”“你的双手得拿礼物啊;天哪,你总不会空着手来吧”吝啬鬼回答;10：All I do is pay"My family is just like a nation," Mr. Brown told his colleague. "My wife is the minister of finance, my mother-in-law is the minister of war, and my daughter is foreign secretary." "Sounds interesting, " his colleague replied. "And what is your position""I'm the people. All I do is pay."我要做的一切就是付钱布朗先生告诉同事说：“我的家简直就象一个国家一样;我妻子是财政部长;我岳母是作战部长,我女儿是外交秘书;”“听上去挺有意思的,”他的同事说,“那你的职务是什么呢”“我就是老百姓;我要做的一切就是付钱;”。
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