经典美剧《老友记》-第一季-第十四集-字幕-对白-纯英文-看美剧学英语

老友记第一季第一集中央咖啡馆这没什么好说的There's nothing to tell!他不过是我的同事He's just some guy I work with!少来了你们都在约会了C'mon, you're going out with the guy!这个男人一定有什么问题There's gotta be something wrong with him! 他是驼背吗戴着假发的驼背So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?等等他吃粉笔吗Wait, does he eat chalk?我只是不想你Just, 'cause, I don't want her to go through 重蹈我和卡尔的覆辙what I went through with Carl拜托各位放松点这甚至不算是约会Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date.只不过是两个人出去吃个饭It's just two people going out to dinner而且不会上床and not having sex.听起来像是和我约会Sounds like a date to me.于是我回到了高中学校Alright, so I'm back in high school,我站在食堂中间I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria 然后发现自己全身赤裸and I realize I am totally naked.噢做过那种梦Oh, yeah. Had that dream.然后我低下头看见那里有一部Then I look down, and I realize there's a phone大哥大there.-那话儿变成了-没错- Instead of...? - That's right. -这种梦倒从未做过-没有- Never had that dream. - No.突然那电话响起来了All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. 结果是我妈打来的And it turns out it's my mother,这非常非常奇怪which is very-very weird because-因为她从来不打电话给我she never calls me!嗨Hi.这家伙一张嘴打招呼我就想自杀This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself. 你还好吧亲爱的Are you okay, sweetie?我感觉有人把手伸入我的喉咙I just feel like someone reached down my throat抓住我的小肠grabbed my small intestine,从我嘴里扯出来pulled it out of my mouth然后缠在我脖子上and tied it around my neck...饼干Cookie?卡罗尔今天把她的东西搬走了Carol moved her stuff out today-我帮你泡杯咖啡-谢了- Let me get you some coffee. - Thanks. 不不要别再净化我的灵气了No, no don't! Stop cleansing my aura!求你了别碰我的灵气好吗No, just leave my aura alone, okay?我会没事的好吧I'll be fine, alright?真的各位我希望她能幸福Really, everyone. I hope she'll be very happy.-不你不会-没错我不会的- No you don't. - No I don't,去她的她甩掉了我to hell with her, she left me!你又不知道她是女同性恋And you never knew she was a lesbian...不知道行了吧No!! Okay?!为何大家都绕着这个话题打转Why does everyone keep fixating on that?她都不知道我怎么会知道She didn't know, how should I know?有时我希望自己也是个女同性恋Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian...我大声说出来了么Did I say that out loud?好了罗斯瞧Alright Ross, look.你现在很痛苦You're feeling a lot of pain right now.你很生气很伤心You're angry. You're hurting.要不要我给你支一招Can I tell you what the answer is?脱衣舞俱乐部Strip joint!别这样作为光棍儿爷们起来C'mon, you're single! Have some hormones! 我不想单身的好吗I don't want to be single, okay?我只想再次结婚I just...I just wanna be married again!而我只想要一百万美金And I just want a million dollars!瑞秋Rachel?!噢天啊莫妮卡嗨谢天谢地Oh,God, Monica, hi! Thank God!我刚去了你家可你不在I just went to your building and you weren't there有个拿大锤子的家伙说你可能会在这儿and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here结果你真的在这儿你真的在这儿and you are, you are!-要来杯咖啡吗-无咖啡因的- Can I get you some coffee? - De-Caff 好了各位这是瑞秋Okay, everybody, this is Rachel,另一位林肯高中的幸存者another Lincoln High survivor.这就是各位啦这是钱德勒This is everybody, this is Chandler,菲比还有乔伊and Phoebe, and Joey,还记得我哥哥罗斯吗and you remember my brother Ross?-当然嗨-嗨- Hi, sure! - Hi.你是想现在跟我们说说So you wanna tell us now还是我们再等四位湿漉漉的伴娘过来or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?噢上帝好吧Oh, God...well,大概在婚礼前半个小时it started about a half hour before the wedding. 我当时在存放礼品的房间里I was in the room where we were keeping all the presents,看着调味汁瓶and I was looking at this gravy boat.那是一件极其美丽的里摩日细瓷调味汁瓶This really gorgeous Limoges gravy boat.然后突然间When all of a sudden有糖吗Sweet 'n' Lo?我发现我对这个调味汁瓶I realized that I was more turned on比巴瑞更能引发我的兴奋感by this gravy boat than by Barry!然后我真的吓坏了And then I got really freaked out,突然想到and that's when it hit me:巴瑞真的超像薯头先生how much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head. 我是说我总是觉得他眼熟Y'know, I mean, I always knew looked familiar,但是but...不管怎么说我必须离开那里Anyway, I just had to get out of there,我开始想and I started wondering"我干吗这么做我这么做是为了谁" "Why am I doing this, and who am I doing this for?"不管怎么说我不知该去哪里So anyway I just didn't know where to go, 而且我知道我们有点疏远了and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart,但是你是我在这个城市but you're the only person I knew唯一认识的人who lived here in the city.还没有被邀请参加婚礼Who wasn't invited to the wedding.噢我希望这不是个问题Ooh, I was kinda hoping that wouldn't be an issue...我猜他送她一台管风琴Now I'm guessing that he bought her the big pipe organ,而她很不喜欢and she's really not happy about it.爸爸我只是不能嫁给他Daddy, I just... I can't marry him!对不起我只是不爱他I'm sorry. I just don't love him.可是对我来说就有关系Well, it matters to me!噢她真不应该穿那条裤子Ooh, she should not be wearing those pants. 要我说推她下楼I say push her down the stairs.推她下楼把推她下楼把推她下楼Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs!爸你听我说C'mon Daddy, listen to me! 这就好像在我一生中It's like, it's like, all of my life,所有人都一直告诉我"你是一只鞋子everyone has always told me, 'You're a shoe! 你是鞋子你是鞋子你是鞋子You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe!'. 可今天我停下来说And today I just stopped and I said,"如果我不想成为一只鞋呢"'What if I don't wanna be a shoe?如果我想当一个包包或是一顶帽子呢What if I wanna be a- a purse, y'know? Or a- or a hat!不我不是要你给我买帽子No, I'm not saying I want you to buy me a hat, 我说我是一顶帽子I'm saying I am a ha-这是比喻啦爸爸It's a metaphor, Daddy!这就是他的问题所在了You can see where he'd have trouble.听着爸爸这是我的人生Look Daddy, it's my life.也许我可以和莫妮卡住在一起Well maybe I'll just stay here with Monica.我猜和莫妮卡一起住的人选已然敲定了Well, I guess we've established who's staying here with Monica...也许那是我的决定Well, maybe that's my decision.也许我不需要你的钱Well, maybe I don't need your money.等等我说也许Wait!! Wait, I said maybe!!深呼吸Just breathe, breathe...that's it.就这样试着想些美好平静的事物Just try to think of nice calm things...玫瑰上的雨滴小兔子和小猫咪Rain drops on roses and rabbits and kittens还有风铃草雪橇铃和啥啥的手套bluebells and sleighbells and something with mittens...啦啦啦啥啥和绳子串起的面条La la la something and noodles with string. 还有一些These are a few...我现在好多了I'm all better now.我帮上忙啦I helped!瞧或许这样反倒最好Okay, look, this is probably for the best,y'know?你独立了可以主宰自己的人生Independence. Taking control of your life. 如有任何需求尽管来找乔伊And hey, you need anything, you can always come to Joey.我和钱德勒就住在对面Me and Chandler live across the hall.而且他经常不在家And he's away a lot.乔伊别再勾引她了Joey, stop hitting on her!今天是她结婚的日子It's her wedding day!怎么啦难道还有什么明文规定不成What, like there's a rule or something?请不要在这么干了这声音很烦人Please don't do that again, it's a horrible sound.我是保罗It's, uh, it's Paul.让他进来Buzz him in.-保罗是谁-调酒的那个保罗吗- Who's Paul? - Paul the Wine Guy, Paul?也许吧Maybe.等等你今晚的"非正式约会"对象Wait. Your 'not a real date' tonight是调酒师保罗is with Paul the Wine Guy?-他终于开口约你了吗-是的- He finally asked you out? - Yes! 噢这真是值得永久铭记的时刻Ooh, this is a Dear Diary moment.瑞秋我可以取消Rach, wait, I can cancel...不你去吧我没事Please, no, go, that'd be fine!罗斯你没事吧你要我留下来吗Are, are you okay? I mean, do you want me to stay?那样最好That'd be good...-真的吗-才怪去吧- Really? - No, go on!那可是调酒师保罗It's Paul the Wine Guy!嗨请进保罗这是Hi, come in! Paul, this is...大家各位这是保罗...everybody, everybody, this is Paul.-嘿保罗-你好- Hey! Paul! - Hello!嗨调酒师Hi! The Wine Guy!抱歉没听清你的名字保罗是吗I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name. Paul, was it?好了坐会马上就好Okay, sit down. Two seconds.噢我刚拔掉四根睫毛不是好兆头Ooh, I just pulled out four eyelashes. That can't be good.瑞秋你你今晚打算怎么过So Rachel, what're you, uh... what're you up to tonight?这个嘛本来我应该Well, I was kinda supposed to be在阿鲁巴岛度蜜月所以没事做headed for Aruba on my honeymoon, so nothing!对哦你都不能去度蜜月上帝Right, you're not even getting your honeymoon, God..不过在阿鲁巴岛的这个时候说到你的No, no, although, Aruba, this time of year... talk about your大蜥蜴big lizards...不管怎样如果你今晚不想独处的话Anyway, if you don't feel like being alone tonight,乔伊和钱德勒要到我那儿Joey and Chandler are coming over to help me 帮我组合新家具put together my new furniture.是呀我们特别期待特别兴奋Yes, and we're very excited about it.真的很感谢Well actually thanks,不过我今晚想待在这儿but I think I'm just gonna hang out here tonight.-今天真的很漫长-好吧当然了- It's been kinda a long day. - Okay, sure.菲比你想来帮忙吗Hey, Pheebs, you wanna help?我倒希望能去帮忙但我不想去Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to.我应该用一套这样的小蜗杆I'm supposed to attach a brackety thing to the side things,将托架装在侧面using a bunch of these little worm guys.但我没看见托架也没有看见什么蜗杆I have no brackety thing, I see no whim guys whatsoever而且我的腿麻了and I cannot feel my legs.这是什么What's this?我也不知道I have no idea.-书架做好了-全部完工- Done with the bookcase! - All finished!这是卡罗尔最爱喝的啤酒This was Carol's favorite beer. 她总是不用易拉罐喝我该知道She always drank it out of the can, I should have known.罗斯我问你一个问题Ross, let me ask you a question.她得到了家具音响和很棒的电视机She got the furniture, the stereo, the good TV- 你得到什么what did you get?你们You guys.-天啊-你被坑了- Oh, my God. - You got screwed.天哪Oh my God!-天哪-我知道我是个大白痴- Oh my God! - I know, I know, I'm such an idiot.她每周看四五次牙医时I guess I should have caught on when我心里就该有数了she started going to the dentist four and five times a week.我是说牙齿能需要多干净呢I mean, how clean can teeth get?我哥也碰到这种事了他也很纠结My brother's going through that right now, he's such a mess.你是怎么熬过来的How did you get through it?你可以尝试不小心砸烂她贵重的东西Well, you might try accidentally breaking something valuable of hers,-比如她的-腿- say her... - ...leg?那也是种选择至于我嘛That's one way! Me, I-我砸烂了她的表I went for the watch.你真的把她的表弄坏了You actually broke her watch?巴瑞对不起真是对不起Barry, I'm sorry... I am so sorry...你一定认为这件事跟I know you probably think that this is all about 我那天说你穿着袜子做爱有关what I said the other day about you making love with your socks on,其实不是是我的原因我只是but it isn't... it isn't, it's about me, and I just... 喂电话又断了Hi, machine cut me off again...不管怎样听着anyway...look, look,你知道最可怕的是什么You know what the scariest part is?万一人这一辈子只有一个女人怎么办What if there's only one woman for everybody, y'know?我是说如果你找了个女人I mean what if you get one woman-然后就此过一生and that's it?不幸的是我唯一的女人爱的是女人Unfortunately in my case, there was only one woman- for her...你说什么呢"一个女人"What are you talking about? 'One woman'?这就像是在说你只能吃一种冰淇淋口味That's like saying there's only one flavor of ice cream for you.让我告诉你罗斯还有很多种口味Lemme tell you something, Ross. There's lots of flavors out there.有巧克力坚果味曲奇味还有香草味There's Rocky Road, and Cookie Dough, and Bing! Cherry Vanilla.还可以和糖条果仁或者奶油一起吃You could get 'em with Jimmies, or nuts, or whipped cream!这简直是你一生中最大的喜事This is the best thing that ever happened to you!你难道是八岁结的婚吗You got married, you were, like, what, eight? 欢迎回到现实世界拿起勺子开挖吧Welcome back to the world! Grab a spoon! 我真不晓得现在自己是真饿了还是欲火难耐I honestly don't know if I'm hungry or horny. 离我的冰箱远点Stay out of my freezer!自从她甩掉我之后我就Ever since she walked out on me, I, uh...怎么了你打算边搅面条边讲吗What?... What, you wanna spell it out with noodles?不这该是第五次约会时候才说的事儿No, it's, it's more of a fifth date kinda revelation.噢这么说会有第五次约会了Oh, so there is gonna be a fifth date?你不想吗Isn't there?想我想的Yeah... yeah, I think there is.你刚才想说什么What were you gonna say?好吧自从她离开后Well, ever-ev-... ever since she left me,我就一直无法过um, I haven't been able to, uh, perform.性生活...Sexually.天啊天啊对不起Oh, God, Oh, God, I am sorry...-真不好意思-没事没事- I am so sorry... - It's okay...我知道你现在需要的必然不是被人喷一身水I know being spit on is probably not what you need right now.-多久了-两年了- Um... how long? - Two years.我真高兴你砸烂了她的表Wow! I'm-I'm-I'm glad you smashed her watch!那你还想要第五次约会吗So you still think you, um... might want that fifth date?是的我希望有...Yeah. Yeah, I do.看乔安妮是爱卡奇的Oh...see... but Joanne loved Chachi!这就是不同That's the difference!"拿起勺子"Grab a spoon.你知道我拿起勺子多久了吗Do you know how long it's been since I've grabbed a spoon?难道"比利别逞英雄"这句话对你没意义Do the words 'Billy, don't be a hero' mean anything to you?《比利别逞英雄》年代反战歌曲还有个问题Y'know, here's the thing.就算我鼓足了勇气想约个女人出来Even if I could get it together enough to- to ask a woman out,...我又能约谁呢who am I gonna ask?不可思议吧Isn't this amazing?我这辈子从没泡过咖啡I mean, I have never made coffee before in my entire life.-真不可思议-恭喜你了- That is amazing. - Congratulations.既然你现在正进入角色While you're on a roll有没有想做个煎蛋卷之类的东西If you feel like you have to make a Western omelet or something..不过事实上我还不太饿Although actually I'm really not that hungry... -早安-早安- Morning. - Good morning.-早安-早安保罗- Morning. - Morning, Paul.-你好保罗-嗨保罗是吧- Hello, Paul. - Hi, Paul, is it?-谢谢太感谢你了-不要这样- Thank you. Thank you so much. - Stop. 晚点联系We'll talk later.谢谢你Yeah. Thank you.那还不叫真正的约会That wasn't a real date?!那你真正的约会到底要干些什么What the hell do you do on a real date?-闭嘴把桌子抬回去-好啦- Shut up, and put my table back. - Okayyy! 好了孩子们我必须上班去了All right, kids, I gotta get to work.但如果我不输入那些数字If I don't input those numbers...也没什么关系it doesn't make much of a difference...你们大伙儿都有工作So, like, you guys all have jobs?对我们都有工作Yeah, we all have jobs.这样才有钱买东西See, that's how we buy stuff.对我是个演员Yeah, I'm an actor.你演过什么我看过吗Wow! Would I have seen you in anything? 难说大部分范围都挺小的I doubt it. Mostly regional work.等下除非你碰巧看过Oh wait, wait, unless you happened to catch the《匹诺曹》的重播Reruns' production of Pinocchio."瞧盖佩多我是真正的小男孩了"'Look, Gippetto, I'm a real live boy.'《匹诺曹》的剧中台词-别这么侮辱人-你说得对对不起- I will not take this abuse. - You're right, I'm sorry."我曾是个小木偶小木偶""Once I was a wooden boy, a little wooden boy..."今天感觉如何So how you doing today?睡得还好吧跟巴瑞谈过了吗Did you sleep okay? Talk to Barry?我无法停止笑I can't stop smiling.看得出来I can see that.你活像昨晚睡觉时嘴里放了个撑衣架You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth.我知道他是那么I know, he's just so, so...还记得你和托尼·德马科吗Do you remember you and Tony DeMarco? 记得啊Oh, yeah.就像那样那种感觉Well, it's like that. With feelings.-哇你真是有麻烦了- Wow,are you in trouble!好啦好啦我要站起来去工作Okay. Okay. I am just going to get up, go to work而且一整天都不要想他and not think about him all day.或者只是站起来去工作Or else I'm just gonna get up and go to work. -祝我好运-为什么- Oh, look, wish me luck! - What for?我要去找那个工作什么的东西I'm gonna go get one of those job things.嘿莫妮卡Hey, Monica!嘿弗兰妮欢迎回来Hey Frannie, welcome back!在佛罗里达过得如何How was Florida?你做爱了对不You had sex, didn't you?-你怎么知道的- How do you do that?那么和谁So? Who?你认识保罗吧You know Paul? 保罗那个调酒的Paul the Wine Guy?对我认识保罗Oh yeah, I know Paul.你是说你认识他就像我认识他一样You mean you know Paul like I know Paul? 开玩笑吧保罗还欠我一个人情呢Are you kidding? I take credit for Paul.遇到我之前他已有两年无法过性生活Y'know before me, there was no snap in his turtle for two years.显然他是骗你的Of course it was a line!为什么为什么会有人那样做Why?! Why? Why, why would anybody do something like that?我想你是想让我们拿出一个I assume we're looking for an answer more sophisticated比"想和你上床"更为复杂的回答than 'to get you into bed'.问题出在我身上Is it me?难道我身上带着某种味儿Is it like I have some sort of beacon只有狗和有严重情感问题的男人才会发觉吗that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear?好啦过来把你的脚给我All right, c'mere, gimme your feet.我只是以为他是个好男人I just thought he was nice, y'know?我真不相信你不知道那是个谎言I can't believe you didn't know it was a line! -猜猜怎么了-你找到工作了- Guess what? - You got a job?开玩笑吗我什么都不会Are you kidding? I'm trained for nothing!今天十二个面试我都是被嘲笑轰出来的I was laughed out of twelve interviews today. 不过你却异常兴奋And yet you're surprisingly upbeat.如果你遇见"约翰&大卫"的皮靴打五折You would be too if you found John and David boots on sale,也会跟我一样的fifty percent off!是呀你多了解我啊Oh, how well you know me...这就是我不需要工作They're my new 'I don't need a job,不需要父母一双好皮靴足矣I don't need my parents, I've got great boots' boots!你怎么付的款How'd you pay for them?用信用卡Uh, credit card.那谁付账单And who pays for that?我爸啊Um... my... father.拜托你不能靠你爸一辈子C'mon, you can't live off your parents your whole life.我知道这就是为什么我要结婚I know that. That's why I was getting married. 饶了她吧第一次独立并不轻松Give her a break, it's hard being on your own for the first time.谢谢Thank you.不客气我记得我第一次来纽约时的情景You're welcome. I remember when I first came to this city.当时我十四岁I was fourteen.我妈刚自杀我继父再度入狱My mom had just killed herself and mystep-dad was back in prison,我来到这里举目无亲and I got here, and I didn't know anybody.最后我和一个白化病患者住在一起And I ended up living with this albino guy who was, like, 他给港务局的人清洗车窗玻璃cleaning windshields outside port authority, 后来他也自杀了and then he killed himself,然后我成了按摩师and then I found aromatherapy.所以相信我我完全了解你的感受So believe me, I know exactly how you feel. 你想要说的话是The word you're looking for is"无论如何""Anyway"...好了准备好了吗All right, you ready?-我不这么想- I don't think so.剪掉剪掉剪掉C'mon, cut. Cut, cut, cut,...欢迎来到现实世界Welcome to the real world!它糟透了但你会喜欢的It sucks. You're gonna love it!好啦你要睡在沙发上吗Well, that's it. You gonna crash on the couch? 不我要回家No. No, I gotta go home sometime.-你没事吧-没事- You be okay? - Yeah.莫妮卡看我在地板上发现了什么Hey Mon, look what I just found on the floor. 什么What?那是保罗的表That's Paul's watch.放回原地就好了You just put it back where you found it. Oh boy-好吧晚安各位-晚安- Alright. Goodnight, everybody. - Goodnight.-对不起-不不你来- Sorry- - No no no, go-不不你吃吧真的我不想吃No, you have it, really, I don't want it-分着吃-好吧- Split it? - Okay.你大概不知道You know you probably didn't know this, 我在高中时曾经but back in high school, I had a, um,暗恋过你major crush on you.我知道I knew.你知道哦You did! Oh....我还以为你一直认为I always figured you just thought我是莫妮卡的怪哥哥呢I was Monica's geeky older brother.的确如此I did.听着你是不是认为Oh. Listen, do you think不要太在意我and try not to let my intense vulnerability 脆弱的心灵become any kind of a factor here但是你觉得我能约你出去吗but do you think it would be okay if I asked you out?偶尔有可能吗Sometime? Maybe?当然或许Yeah, maybe...好好或许我会的Okay... okay, maybe I will...-晚安-晚安- Goodnight. - Goodnight.再见See ya....等等你怎么了Waitwait, what's the deal?我刚刚拿起了勺子I just grabbed a spoon.我真不敢相信我的耳朵I can't believe what I'm hearing here. 我真不敢相信我的耳朵I can't believe what I'm hearing here...怎么了我说你有一个What? I-I said you had a我说你有一个What I said you had...你能不能不这么干Would you stop?-噢我又来了-是的- Oh, was I doing it again? - Yes!有人要咖啡吗Would anybody like more coffee?是你冲的还是你端来的Did you make it, or are you just serving it?-我端来的-好吧给我来杯咖啡- I'm just serving it. - Yeah. Yeah, I'll have a cup of coffee.孩子们我又做新梦了Kids, new dream...我在拉斯维加斯I'm in Las Vegas.我是丽莎·明妮莉I'm Liza Minelli-。

第十四集Ross,she wants you. 告诉你吧,罗斯,她要你We just live in the same building. 我们只是住在同一栋公寓-Any contact? -She lent me an egg. 有过任何接触? -她借过我一颗蛋-You're in! -Right. 有机会了-真的Hey,Ross. 嗨,罗斯Come on. Get back in the game. 拜托,你得再接再厉The Rachel thing isn't happening, your ex-wife's a lesbian.... 你和瑞秋的事没指望你前妻是个女同志I don't think we need a third. 我们不想有第三回Could we get an egg, still in the shell? 抱歉,能给我们个蛋吗?整颗蛋?An egg? 蛋?Go up to her and say, "I'm returning your egg." 对,你拿这颗蛋去还她I think it's winning. 我们赢定了-It's insane. -She'll love it. 拜托,这太离谱了-她会喜欢的-Thank you. -Thank you. Here. 谢谢-谢谢,给Go with the egg,my friend. 朋友,带着蛋去Go,go,go! 快去-Think it'll work? -No way. It's suicide. 你想会成功吗? -才怪,这简直是自杀.带蛋的男人The One With The Candy Hearts 六人行第1季第14集情人节糖果-You can't do this. -Do what? 你不能这样做-做什么?-Roger wants to take her out. -No! Remember why you dumped him? 罗杰明天要带她出去-不,菲比难道你忘了为何抛弃他?Because he was creepy. 因为他惹人厌And mean. And frightening. 卑鄙又可怖Still,it's nice to have a date on Valentine's Day! 但情人节有人共渡也不差You can go out with a creep any night. 其他任何一夜跟他约会都无所谓I know I do. 我知道我会这么做-What are you doing tomorrow night? -That depends on how tonight goes. 你们明晚有何节目? -明天有何节目全看今天的表现-About tonight -Don't you bail on me! 关于今晚-你不能背叛我I said I'd bring a friend for her friend. 我答应为她朋友带一位男伴-But her friend sounds like a -Pathetic mess. I know,but.... 我知道,但她朋友好像是个…-可怜虫,我知道Come on. She's needy,vulnerable. 但她是如此渴望如此脆弱I'm thinking.... 我想.Thanks. 谢谢You haven't been out with a woman since Janice. You're doing this. 你和珍妮丝之后就没约过会你一定要去-She said yes. -Way to go,man! 她答应了-干得好Still got the egg,huh? 蛋还在?. -对How do I look? 我的样子如何?I don't care. 不关我的事There's Lorraine. 萝拉妮来了No trading. You get the pretty one, I get the mess. 切记,不准交换你有美女相伴,我有贱货作陪Hi,Joey. 乔依Well,well! Look what you brought! 瞧你带什么人来Very nice. 真帅And what did you bring? 你带谁来?She's checking her coat. 她在放外套I'm gonna wash the cab smell off of my hands. 我去洗掉手上的出租车味Get me a white zinfandel, and a glass of red for Janice. 你帮我和珍妮丝点萄葡酒和红酒Janice? 珍妮丝…Janice!? 珍妮丝…Oh... 哦…... my... 我的…...God! 天哪!Hey,it's Janice! 是珍妮丝Okay,I'm making a break for it! 我得逃了,我要从窗子爬出去I've been waiting for,like,forever to go out with Lorraine. 我一直梦想与萝拉妮约会-Just calm down. -Calm down? 冷静点.. -冷静?You set me up with a woman I've dumped twice in the last five months! 你竟撮合我与在五个月内被我甩掉两次的女人Can you stop yelling? You're making me nervous and.... 别这么大声行吗?你害我紧张得…I can't go when I'm nervous. 我一紧张就尿不出来I'm sorry,you're right. 抱歉,你说得对Come on! Do it,do it! 拜托!快点Roger was creepy,but he was nothing compared to Pete. 罗杰虽讨人厌但与彼得卡尼相较还差得远呢-Who? -Pete the Weeper. 谁? -爱哭鬼彼德The guy that used to cry every time we had sex? 我们每次做爱他就哭"Was it good for you?" 你满足吗?I'd take crying any day over Howard,the "I win" guy! 我每天都想为霍尔那个家伙哭"I win! I win!" “我赢!我赢!”We went out for two months. I didn't win once. 我和他约会两个月一次都没赢过How do we end up with these jerks? 我们怎会和这些浑蛋在一起?We're some kind of magnets. 我们可是良家妇女I know I am. That's why I can't wear a digital watch. 我知道我有所以我不能戴电子表There's more beer,right? 还有啤酒?You know my friend who shaves her head? 记得我那剃光头的朋友艾比?No. No. 不I have this friend who shaves her head. 我那剃光头的朋友She says to break the bad boyfriend cycle... 她说想要停止与恶男交往的恶性循环...you can do a cleansing ritual. 可以举行一个清理仪式Pheebs,this woman is voluntarily bald. 菲比,她是个大秃头Yeah. 是的We can do it tomorrow night. 我们明晚可以试试看It's Valentine's Day. It's perfect. 明天情人节是绝佳的时刻Okay,what kind of ritual? 什么仪式?We can burn the stuff they gave us. 我们可以烧掉他们送的东西Or...? 或者是?Or we can chant and dance around naked with sticks. 或是念经,拿着权杖裸体跳舞Burning's good. 还是烧东西好You know... 知道吗... I can pick up quarters with my toes. 我从儿时就能用脚趾夹起25美分Yeah? Good for you. 是吗?真厉害Quarters or rolls of quarters? 硬币还是纸币?By the way,I cut you out of all of my pictures. 对了,钱德我把照片上的你都剪掉了So if you want,I have a bag with just your heads. 如果需要,我有一袋你的头That's okay. 不用了You could make little puppets out of them. 你可以用它们做傀儡And you could use them in your Theater of Cruelty! 也可以在你的“残酷戏院”中用它们!-We can't do that! -What? What can't you do? 不能这么做-什么?不能做什么?Can I talk to you for a second? Over there? 能过去和你谈谈吗?We might be leaving now. 我们得先离开Tell me it's you and me "we." 告诉我“我们”是指你和我She wants to slather my body with stuff and lick it off. 她说她要在我身上涂满东西然后舔乾净I'm not even sure what slathering is! 我甚至不知道涂是什么意思But I definitely want to be a part of it! 但我绝对不想错过任何部分!Okay,you cannot do this to me. 你不能这样待我You're right. I'm sorry. 你说得对,抱歉Can we have three chocolate mousses to go? 三份巧克力慕斯外带I'm out of here. 我走了Here's my credit card. Dinner's on me. 这是我的信用卡,这一顿算我的I hope she throws up on you. 我希望把她扔在你身上Thanks. 谢谢-So.... -Just us. 只剩下我们What a crappy night! 真是糟糕的一夜I have enjoyed the fact... 但我还是一直欣赏...that your shirt's been sticking out of your zipper. 你拉链里的衣服Excuse me. 抱歉How you doing? 近来可好?So do we have the best friends, or what? 他们是我们最要好的朋友?Joey's not a friend. He's... 乔伊哪儿称得上是朋友,他…...a stupid man who left us his credit card. 他这留下信用卡的笨蛋Another drink? Dessert? A big-screen TV? 想再来一杯?甜点?大银幕电视?-I'll have a drink. -Got it. Good woman! 我想再来一杯-没问题,好女人-A bottle of overpriced champagne. -Each. 拿瓶最贵的香槟来-每人一瓶That's right,each. And a rob roy. 对,再每人各一瓶罗伯罗伊I've always wanted to know. 我老早就想品尝了Happy Valentine's Day! 情人节快乐Oh,I miss you already. 我现在就开始想念你了-Can you believe this happened? -No,no! 你能相信会发生这种事吗? -不能And yet it did. 但还是发生了-Goodbye,Janice. -kiss me! 再见,珍妮丝-吻我Oh,Chandler. Sorry. 钱德,抱歉Oh,Chandler. Sorry! 钱德,抱歉-Hey,Janice. -Hi,Monica. 珍妮丝-摩尼卡Well,this was very special. 真是太特别了Rach,come see who's out here! 瑞秋,看谁来了What's going on? Oh,my God! 怎么了?天啊Janice! Hi! 珍妮丝!Hi!Janice is gonna go away now! 她就要走了I'll be right back. 我马上回来Joey! Look who it is! 乔伊,看谁来了Good. Joey's home. 很好,乔伊回来了This is so much fun! 这真是太好玩了This is like a reunion in the hall! 好像是大团圆一样Ross,there's someone I want you to say hi to. 罗斯,对,跟某人打个招呼吧He happened to call. 他恰好打电话来Hi,Ross. That's right,it's me! How did you know? 罗斯,对,是我.你怎么会知道?So,if dogs experience jet lag... 我是说会如果狗也有时差问题... because of the seven dog years to one human year thing... 因为狗的七年等于人的一年...when a dog flies from New York to Los Angeles... 那么狗从纽约飞到洛杉矶... he doesn't just lose three hours, he loses a week and a half. 损失的不是三小时,而是十天That's funny! 真好笑They should be cooking the food soon. 他们应该马上就做饭了Oh,good. oh, 好的Who are they? 她们是谁?The blond is my ex-wife. The woman touching her is her... 金发的是我前妻,碰她的是她的...close,personal friend. 密友-They're lovers? -lf you want to put a label on it. 你是指她们是情人? -如果你硬要这么说的话-Anything else I should know? -Nope. That's it. 我还需要知道什么? -不,就这些了Oh,and she's pregnant with my baby. 对了,她怀了我的孩子I always forget that part. 我总是忘了这件事Hello! Hello!Now we need sage branches and the sacramental wine. 我们需要鼠尾草和沙加缅度酒All I had is oregano and a Fresca. 我只有牛至叶和佛瑞斯加That's okay! 那样也行Now we need the semen of a righteous man. 现在我们需要正义男子的精液If we had that,we wouldn't be doing the ritual in the first place. 菲比,如果我们有现在就无需进行仪式了-Can we start throwing things in? -Yeah,okay! 可以丢东西了吗? -可以了Okay. Barry's letters. 巴瑞的信Adam Ritter's boxer shorts. 亚当瑞塔的四角裤And I have the receipt from my dinner with.... 晚餐的收据-A picture of Scotty Jared naked! -Let me see! 这是史考帝的裸体照片-让我看看!-He's wearing a sweater. -No. 他穿着毛衣-没有-Whose MCl card is that? -Mine. Shoot! 这是谁的MCl卡? -我的.咻!Remember this number: Nine,seven,four.... 赶紧记住号码:9,7,4….Okay,and here we have the last of Paolo's grappa. 最后这是保罗的格拉巴酒Wait,isn't it almost pure 等等,这不是几乎纯…How can I dump this woman on Valentine's Day? 我怎能在情人节甩掉她I don't know. You dumped her on New Year's. 天晓得,但你在新年甩掉她In my next life, I'm coming back as a toilet brush. 下辈子我要当马桶刷Hello,funny valentine! 有趣的情人Hi,just Janice. 珍妮丝Hello,Joey,our little matchmaker. 乔伊,我们的小媒婆I could just kiss you all over, and I'm gonna. 我忍不住想吻你If you don't do it,I will. 如果你不敢,就让我来开口-So are you actually from New York? -Not originally. I'm from 你真的从纽约来的? -本来不是,我从-You said they'd shoot it without you. -I thought they could. 你说他们可以自己做-我以为他们可以The maxi-pads were a piece of cake. Mini-pads should be that much easier. 最大版都是小菜一碟最小版当然是更简单一些了啊-It's Valentine's Day. -I know,but it's my job. 但现在是情人节我知道,但这是我的工作I'll try to get back as soon as I can. 我会尽量赶回来,抱歉I'm spending most of my time teaching science... 但我大部分时间都在教科学...which is funny because that wasn't even my major. 真好笑,我又不是主修科学Now,that is funny! 真好笑Do you think it would be too weird if I invited Carol over to join us? 我邀卡萝过来会很奇怪吗? Because she's alone now. And pregnant. And sad. 因为她现在一个人,怀孕了,心情又不好-I guess. -Are you sure? Carol! 大概吧-你确定?卡萝!-Wanna join us? -No,I'm fine. 愿意过来坐吗? -不,我没事Come on. These people will scooch down. 来吧,这些人会挪过去的You guys will scooch,won't you? Let's try scooching! Come on! 你们会挪过去的,对吧? 各位挪过去好吗,动起来-Come on. -Thank you. 拜托-谢谢IKristen Riggs,this is Carol Willick. Carol,Kristen. 克莉丝汀,这位是卡萝卡萝,克莉丝汀-How do you do? -Carol teaches sixth grade. 你好-卡萝教六年级And Kristen.... 克莉丝汀…IKristen does something... 克莉丝汀…...that,funnily enough... 最好笑的是...wasn't even her major! 是她的工作不是她的主修-Thanks for coming over. -Not at all. It's pretty much our job. 谢谢你们能来-没关系.这是我们的工作That's why we get the cool hats. 这就是我们为什么戴这么酷的帽子啊-What do we got there? -A piece of sik boxer shorts. 里面有什么东西? 一些真丝四角内裤Some greeting cards. 问候卡A half-charred picture of.... 烧焦的照片That guy's hairier than the chief! 这家伙的体毛比队长的还浓密It's a really funny story how this happened. 这件事说来好笑I was taking out the trash, and Phoebe was burning incense 我拿出垃圾桶,菲比点燃熏香It's all right. 没关系.你们不用解释This isn't the first boyfriend bonfire we've seen get out of control. 这不是第一件烧毁男友物品失控的事件了-Third one tonight. -Really? 这已是今晚的第三件-真的?Valentine's is our busiest night of the year. 情人节之夜是我们最忙的时刻Next time you're burning your ex-boyfriend's stuff: 下一次烧你们前男友的东西时:One,do it in a well-ventilated area. 第一,在一个通风好的地方Two,if you wanna burn his clothing, stay away from synthetic fabrics. 第二,如果你们要烧衣服,小心合成纤维的Three,try to let go of the anger, and learn to love yourself. 第三,试着放掉你们的怒气学会爱护自己啊-I brought you something. -ls it loaded? 我带了东西给你-装上子弹了没?Oh,little candy hearts. "Chan and Jan Forever." 心型糖果“钱德与珍尼丝,永远”I had them made special. 我订做的Okay,Janice. ok, 珍妮丝…Hey,Janice. 嗨,珍妮丝…There's no way to tell you this. 我不该告诉你At least,there's no new way. 至少没有别的方法来告诉你I just don't think things are gonna work out. 我觉得我们不会结果That's fine. 无所谓It is? It is? 是吗?Because I know that this isn't the end. 因为我知道我们还没结束You see,actually,it is. 事实上已经结束了No,because you won't let that happen. 不,还没因为你不会让它发生的Don't you know it yet? 难道你还不懂?You love me,Chandler Bing! 你爱我,钱德.宾Oh,no,I don't. 不,我不爱Why do we keep ending up together? New Year's,who invited who? 那么就扪心自问,我们为何总是会复合? 新年是谁邀谁?-Valentine's,who asked who into bed? -I did,but 情人节是谁邀谁上床? -是我,可是…You seek me out! 我是你寻找的对象Something deep in your soul calls out to me like a foghorn! 你的内心深处不断呼喊着我Janice! Janice! 珍妮丝…珍妮丝…You push me away, you pull me back! 你推开我,你拉回我!You want me. You need me. 你要我,你需要我You can't live without me. And you know it. 你不能没有我.你知道You just don't know you know it. 你只是不知道你知道罢了See? 明白吗?Call me! 打电话给我It's not true. I never called your mother a wolverine. 这不是真的.我没说你妈是狼人You did so,I swear to 你有,我发誓How long has she been in the bathroom? 她上洗手间多久了?She isn't in the bathroom. Her coat's gone. 我想她不是去上洗手间,她的外套不见了Well,maybe it's cold in there. 或许是太冷吧I screwed up my first date in nine years. 或许我搞砸了九年来的第一次约会-That could be it. -Oh,God. 有可能-天哪You know,this is still pretty hot. 知道吗,这里还是很热Mushroom. 磨菇Smile. 微笑They won't all be like this. Some might stay through dinner. 不会每次都这样的还是有些女人会把晚餐吃完的-I'm sorry. That's not funny. -It's just.... 抱歉,不好笑-只是You know the whole "get on with your life" thing? 人们老说要继续你的人生Well,do I have to? 我必须吗?I'm sitting here with this cute woman... 我和这位美女坐在这儿...and she's perfectly nice,but that... 她是那么好...that's it. 但就这么吹了Then I'm here talking to you, and it's easy and it's fun. 我现在又和你聊天,轻松又自在And I don't have to.... 我何必…-I know. -You know? 我懂-你懂?Here's a wacky thought. 我有个疯狂的念头Let's say you and I give it another shot. 我们再试一次好吗?I know what you're gonna say. You're a lesbian. 我知道你要说你是个女同志But what do you say we just put that aside for now. 但何不暂时将它摆在一旁Let's just stick a pin in it. 完全不去想它Because we're great together. You can't deny it. 因为我们在一起很开心这不容你否认I've got a ring at home that fits you. 我有一个适合你的戒指I've got lots of pictures with both of us in them. 我有无数我俩一起的照片And best of all, you're carrying my baby. 最美妙的地方是,你怀着我的孩子-I mean,how perfect is that? -Ross 这样不是很完美吗? -罗斯You keep saying that,but there's something right here. I love you. 虽然你一直回绝, 但我仍然想对你说,我爱你I love you too. 我也爱你-But -No "but." 但是-不要但是You know that thing we put over here with the pin in it? 你要知道,暂时拦置一旁的事It's time to take the pin out. 迟早会浮现的You'll find someone. The right woman is waiting for you. 你会找到对象的,合适的女人正在等着你It's easy for you to say. You found one already. 你说得倒是轻松,你已找到合适的女人All you need is a woman who likes men, and you'll be set. 你只需找到爱男人的女人即可Not her. 不是她So,you guys really slide down a pole? 你们真的从一个柱子上滑下去?-Absolutely. -That's so cool. 绝对的-太酷了How do you get back up? 那你们怎么回上面的呢?Well,we rarely have to return from a fire as quickly. 我们很少需要像着火一样急的往上去So,would you guys.... 你们这些小伙…Would you like to,sometime,maybe.... 你们愿意,有时,可能…Go for a drink sometime? 有时一起出去喝一杯Sure,sounds good. 当然,听起来不错We get off at midnight. We'll pick you up then. 我们午夜下班之后,来找你们可以吗?Okay. Great! 好啊,太好了So will you bring the truck? 你们会开消防车过来吗?I'll even let you ring the bell. 还会让你们拉警铃-We'll see you later. -Bye! See you later! 再见了…晚安,再见…Oh,my God! 天啊See? There you go. The cleansing worked. 看到没有?清理仪式奏效了You're right. They're nice guys! 没错,他们是好男人They're firemen guys! 他们是消防队员-Tell them you're married? -No. My girlfriend doesn't even know. 你们有告诉她们你们已婚吗? -当然没有,连我女友都不知道。

Hi, guys!Hey, Pheebs! Hi!Hey. Oh, oh, how'd it go?Um, not so good. He walked me to the subway and said'We should do this again!'What? He said 'we should do it again', that's good, right? Uh, no. Loosely translated 'We should do this again'means 'You will never see me naked'.Since when?Since always. It's like dating language.Y'know, like 'It's not you' means 'It is you'.Or 'You're such a nice guy' means'I'm gonna be dating leather-wearing alcoholicsand complaining about them to youOr, or, y'know, um, 'I think we should see other people' means 'Ha, ha, I already am'.- And everybody knows this? - Yeah. Cushions the blow. Yeah, it's like when you're a kid,and your parents put your dog to sleep,and they tell you it went off to live on some farm.That's funny, that, no, because,uh, our parents actually did, uh,send our dog off to live on a farm.Uh, Ross.What? Wh- hello? The Millners' farm in Connecticut?The Millners,they had this unbelievable farm,and horses, and rabbits that he could chase and it was- it w- ..... Oh, my God, Chi Chi!"So how does it feel knowing you're about to die?" "Warden, in five minutes my pain will be over.But you'll have to live with the knowledge thatyou sent an honest man to die."Hey, that was really good!Yeah? Thanks! Let's keep going.Okay. "So. Whaddya want from me, Damone, huh?""I just wanna go back to my cell.'Cause in my cell, I can smoke.""Smoke away."I think this is probably why Damone smokes in his cell alone. - What? - Relax your hand! Let your wrist go.Not so much!Alright, now try taking a puff.Okay.Okay. No. Give it to me.No no no, I am not giving you a cigarette.It's fine, it's fine.Look, do you wanna get this part, or not? Here.All right, now.Don't think of it as a cigarette.Think of it as the thing that's been missing from your hand. When you're holding it, you feel right. You feel complete.- Y'miss it? - Nah, not so much.Alright, now we smoke.Oh..my..God.No, no, no. They say it's the same as the distancefrom the tip of a guy's thumb to the tip of his index finger. That's ridiculous!Can I use.. either thumb?Alright, don't tell me, don't tell me!Decaf cappucino for Joey..Coffee black..Late..and an iced tea.- I'm getting pretty good at this! - Yeah. Yeah, excellent. Good for me!Y'okay, Phoebe?Yeah no- I'm just- it's, it's not even worth...It's my bank.What did they do to you?It's nothing, it's just- Okay.I'm going through my mail, and I open up their monthly, you know, STATEMENT-Easy, easy...and there's five hundred extra dollars in my account.Oh, Satan's minions at work again...Yes, 'cause now I have to go down there, and deal with them. What are you talking about? Keep it!It's not mine, I didn't earn it,if I kept it, it would be like stealing.Yeah, but if you spent it, it would be like shopping!Okay. Okay, let's say I bought a really great pair of shoes. Do you know what I'd hear, with every step I took?'Not-mine. Not-mine. Not-mine.'And even if I was happy, okay, and, and skipping-I'd hear'Not-not-mine, not-not-mine, not-not-mine, not-not-mine'... We're with you. We got it.Okay. I'd- just- I'd never be able to enjoy it.It would be like this giant karmic debt.Chandler, what're you doing?hey,what are you doing?Oh! Oh, God!What is this?!I'm smoking. I'm smoking, I'm smoking.Oh, I can't believe you!You've been so good, for three years!And this- is my reward!Hold on a second, alright?Just think about what you went through the last time you quit. Okay, so this time I won't quit!Ohhh! Put it out!All right! I'm putting it out, I'm putting it out.Oh, no! I- I can't drink this now!Alright. I'm gonna go change, I've got a date.So is it Alan again? How's it goin'?'S'going pretty good, y'know?It's nice, and, we're having fun.So when do we get to meet the guy?Yeah!Let's see, today's Monday...Never.Oh, come on! Come on!-No. Not after what happened with Steve.What are you talking about? We love Schhteve!Schhteve was schhexy!..Sorry.Look, I don't even know how I feel about him yet.Just give me a chance to figure that out.Well, then can we meet him?I mean, why should I let them meet him?I mean, I bring a guy home,and within five minutes they're all over him.I mean, they're like- coyotes,picking off the weak members of the herd.Listen. As someone who's seen more than her fair share of bad beef, I'll tell you: that is not such a terrible thing.Come on now, they're your friends,- they're just looking out after you. - I know.I just wish that once, I'd bring a guy homethat they actually liked.Well, you do realise that the odds of that happening are a little slimmer - if they never get to meet the guy.Let it go, Ross.Yeah, well, you didn't know Chi Chi.Do you all promise?Yeah! We promise!We'll be good!Chandler? Do you promise to be good?You can come in,but your filter-tipped little buddy has to stay outside!Hey, Pheebs.'Dear Ms. Buffay.Thank you for calling attention to our error.We have credited your account with five hundred dollars.We're sorry for the inconvenience,and hope you'll accept this football phone...as our free gift.'Do you believe this?!Now I have a thousand dollars, and a football phone!What bank is this?Hey. It's him.- Who is it? - It's Alan.Chandler! He's here!Okay, please be good, please.Just remember how much you all like me.Hi. Alan, this is everybody.Everybody, this is Alan.Hi, Alan.I've heard schho much about all you guyschh! Thanks. I'll call you tomorrow.Okay. Okay, let's let the Alan-bashing begin.Who's gonna take the first shot, hmm?C'mon!...I'll go.Let's start with the way he kept picking at-You know, I'm sorry, I can't do this, can't do it.We loved him.Loved him! Yeah! He's great!Wait a minute! We're talking about someone thatI'm going out with?-Yeah!And did you notice...?Know what was great?The way his smile was kinda crooked.Yes, yes! Like the man in the shoe!...What shoe?From the nursery rhyme.'There was a crooked man, Who had a crooked smile, Who lived in a shoe, For a... while...'...So I think Alanwill become the yardstick against whichall future boyfriends will be measured.What future boyfriends?No, no, I th- I think this could be, y'know, it.-Really!Oh, yeah. I'd marry him just for hisDavid Hasselhof impression alone.You know I'm gonna be doing that at parties, right? You know what I like most about him, though? What?The way he makes me feel about myself.How was the game?Well..WE WON!! Thank you! Yes!That's fantastic! I have one question:How is that possible?Alan.He was unbelievable.He was like that-that-that Bugs Bunny cartoonwhere Bugs is playing all the positions, right,but instead of Bugs it wasfirst base-Alan, second base-Alan, third base-...I mean, it-it was like, it was like he made us into a team. Yep, we sure showed those Hassidic jewellersa thing or two about softball..Nice!Can I ask you guys a question?D'you ever think that Alan is maybe.. sometimes.. What?...I dunno, a little too Alan?Well, no. That's impossible.You can never be too Alan.Yeah, it's his, uh, innate Alan-ness that-that-that we adore.I personally could have a gallon of Alan.- Hey, Lizzie. - Hey, Weird Girl.I brought you alphabet soup.Did you pick out the vowels?Yes. But I left in the Ys.'Cause, y'know, "sometimes y".Uh, I also have something else for you.Saltines?No, but would you like a thousand dollars and a football phone? What? Oh, my God, Oh, my God, there's really money in here.I know.Weird Girl, what are you doing?No, I want you to have it. I don't want it.No, no, I ha-I have to give you something.No, that's fine, you don't..Would you like my tin-foil hat?No. 'Cause you need that.No, it's okay, thanks.Please, let me do something.Okay, alright, I'll tell you what,you buy me a soda, and then we're even. Okay?- Okay. - Okay.Keep the change.Thanks, Lizzie.Sure you don't wanna pretzel?- No, I'm fine.Thanks. - See ya.A thumb?!I know! I know,I opened it up and there it was, just floating in there,like this tiny little hitch-hiker!like this tiny little hitch-hiker!Well, maybe it's a contest, y'know?Like, collect all five?- Does, um, anyone wanna see? - Nooo!- Oh, hey, don't do that! - Cut it out!It's worse than the thumb!Hey, this is so unfair!Oh, why is it unfair?So I have a flaw! Big deal?Like Joey's constant knuckle-cracking isn't annoying? And Ross, with his over-pronouncing every single word? And Monica, with that snort when she laughs?I mean, what the hell is that thing?I accept all those flaws,why can't you accept me for this?...Does the knuckle-cracking bother everybody,Well, I-I could live without it.Well, is it, like, a little annoying,or is it like when Phoebe chews her hair?Oh, now, don't listen to him, Pheebs, all right?I think it's endearing.Oh, "you do, do you"?You know, there's nothing wrong with speaking correctly. "Indeed there isn't"...I should really get back to work.Yeah, 'cause otherwise someone might getwhat they actually ordered.The hair comes out, and the gloves come on.Did you ever go out with a guyyour friends all really like?No.Okay.. Well, I'm going out with a guy my friends all really like. Waitwait.. we talking about the coyotes here?All right, a cow got through!Can you believe it? ...Y'know what? I just don't feel the thing.I mean, they feel the thing,I don't feel the thing.Honey.. you should always "feel" the thing.Listen, if that's how you feel about the guy,Monica, dump him!I know.. it's gonna be really hard.Well, he's a big boy, he'll get over it.No, he'll be fine.It's the other five I'm worried about.Do you have any respect for your body?Don't you realise what you're-you're doing to yourself? Hey, y'know, I have had it with you guysand your cancer and your emphysema and your heart disease. The bottom line is, smoking is cool, and you know it. Chandler? It's Alan, he wants to speak to you.Really? He does?Hey, buddy, what's up!Oh, she told you about that, huh.Well, yeah, I have one now and then.Well, yeah, now.Well, it's not that big- ..Well, that's true,..Gee, y'know, no-one- no-one's ever put it like that before. Well, okay, thanks!God, he's good.- If only he were a woman. - Yeah.- If only he were a woman. - Yeah.Ooh, Lambchop.How old is that sock?If I had a sock on my hand for thirty yearsit'd be talking too.Okay. I think it's time to change somebody's nicotine patch. Hey. Where's Joey?Joey ate my last stick of gum,so I killed him.Do you think that was wrong?- I think he's across the hall. - Thanks.There y'go.Ooh, I'm alive with pleasure now.Hey Pheebs, you gonna have the rest of that Pop-Tart?.. Pheebs? Does anyone want the rest of this Pop-Tart?Hey, I might!I'm sorry. ..Y'know, those stupid soda people gave meseven thousand dollars for the thumb.- Oh, my God. - 7 thousand dollars?And on my way over here, I stepped in gum....What is up with the universe?!What's going on?Nothing. I just think it's nice when we're all here together. Even nicer when everyone gets to wear their underwear..- Uh, Joey.. - Oh, God!- Okay.. - Oh! That was Lambchop!Please, guys, we have to talk.Wait, wait, I'm getting a deja vu...No, I'm not.Alright, we have to talk.There it is!Okay. It's-it's about Alan.There's something that you should know.I mean, there's really no easy way to say this..I've decided to break up with Alan.Is there somebody else?No, nononono.. it's just..y'know, things change. People change.We didn't change..So that's it? It's over?Just like that?You know.. you let your guard down,you start to really care about someone, and I just- I-- Look, I- I could go on pretending. - Okay!No, but that wouldn't be fair to me,it wouldn't be fair to Alan.It wouldn't be fair to you!Yeah, who wants fair?I mean, I just want things back. Y'know, the way they were. I'm sorry..Oh, she's sorry! I feel better!I just can't believe this!I mean, with the holidays coming up-I wanted him to meet my family-I'll meet somone else. There'll be other Alans.Oh, yeah! Right!Are you guys gonna be okay?Hey hey, we'll be fine.We're just gonna need a little time.I understand.I'm, I'm really sorry.Yeah, I mean, I'm sorry too.But, I gotta tell you, I am a little relieved.Relieved?Yeah, well, I had a great time with you..I just can't stand your friends.Remember when we went to Central Park and rented boats?.. That was fun.Yeah. He could row like a viking.So how'd it go?Oh, y'know..Did did he mention us?He said he's really gonna miss you guys.You had a rough day, huh?-Oh, you have no idea...C'mere.- That's it. I'm getting cigarettes. - No no no!I don't care, I don't care!Game's over! I'm weak! I've gotta smoke!I've gotta have the smoke!If you never smoke again I'll give you seven thousand dollars! Yeah, alright.第一季第三集So no one told you life was gonna be this wayyour jobs a joke, you're broke,your love life's D.O.A.It's like you're always stuck in second gear,And it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year, butI'll be there for you,when the rain starts to pour.I'll be there for you,like I've been there before.I'll be there for you,'cause you're there for me too.。

Hold on a second. 等一下Nice. 好球…I got you something. 有东西给你What's this? 这什么东西？Eight hundred and twelve bucks. 812块钱Didn't Big Leon tell you? It's a thousand... 我不知道老李跟你怎么说的跟我过夜…...to have me for the whole night. …可要一千大洋才够What's this for? 这是干什么呀？Well, I'm making money now. 我现在有赚钱了I'm paying you back for headshots, electric bills, all that pizza.... 这是要还你帮我付的电费跟数不清的披萨的钱I love you, man. 我爱你Well, thanks, man. Now I can get my pony. 谢了，老兄我有钱可以买小马了This is a little extra something for... 这是我小小的心意…...always being there for me. …谢谢你平日的照顾Wow, I don't know what to say. 我不晓得该说什么了Wow, I don't know what to say. 我不晓得该说什么了What do you say? 怎么样？I don't know. 我不知道It's a bracelet. 这是个手镯吧？Isn't it? It's engraved, too. Check it out. 上头还刻了字，你看看"To my best bud." “我的好兄弟”Thanks, best bud. 谢了，好兄弟Put it on. 戴上去啊Now? 现在吗？No, it should be saved for a special occasion. 不…这么美的东西应该留到特殊的场合再戴No, that's the beauty part. It goes with everything. 不…妙就妙在这里这配什么都好看When you put this on, you're good to go. 老兄，你戴起来简直好看啊Oh, man! 天啊You are so wearing that bracelet! 真是太配你了I so am! 可不是嘛！Any idea what this will do for your sex life? 你知道这对你的性生活有什么样的影响吗？It might slow down at first, but... 刚开始时说不定会让我慢半拍...once I'm used to the extra weight, I'll be back on track. 等到习惯这个重量之后就会让我重振雄风了...once I'm used to the extra weight, I'll be back on track. The One With the Prom Video ...once I'm used to the extra weight, I'll be back on track. 六人行第2季第14集高中舞会录影带-This all looks good. -Great. 看起来很好那就好了If I want to call for a reference on your last job...? 如果我要打电话询问你以前的经验呢？That's right there, see? The manager, Chandler Bing? 就写在下面了我经理叫做钱德宾All right. 好吧Let's see if you're as good in person as you are on paper. Make me a salad.来看看你是不是跟你写的一样好，做一份沙拉来瞧瞧A salad? I could do something more complicated. 沙拉？其实我可以做些难度比较高的No, just the salad will be fine. 不用，沙拉就行了You got it. 没问题Now I want you to tell me what you're doing while you're doing it. 可是我要你一边做一边告诉我你正在做什么All right. Well, I'm tearing the lettuce. 好，我在撕生菜Is it dirty? 菜脏吗？Oh, I'm gonna wash it. 不…别担心，我待会儿会洗Don't. I like it dirty. 别洗，我喜欢脏的That's your call. 悉听尊便了So, what are you going to do next? 好，你接下来要做什么？I thought that l'd cut up the tomatoes. 我想，我接下来要切蕃茄了Are they firm? 蕃茄结实吗？They're all right. 还可以啦You sure they haven't gone bad? 你确定蕃茄没坏？You sure they're not very, very bad? 你确定没有非常非常的坏？No, really, they're okay. 是啊，还可以啦You gonna slice them up real nice? 你会切得很漂亮吗？I was going to do them julienne. 事实上，我打算切成丝状I'm out of here! 我走了Hello? 喂？Rachel's not here. Can I take a message? 不，瑞秋现在不在你要不要留话？How do we spell Casey? 好，哪个凯…哪个西…？Is it like "at the bat" or "and The Sunshine Band"? 打棒球那个还是乐团的那个？Hey, who's this Casey? 这个凯西是什么人啊？A guy she met at the movies. 她看电影认识的人What does he want with her? 真的？他找她干什么？I guess he wants to do a little dance... 我猜他想跟她跳点小舞…...you know, make a little love.... …做一点小爱…Well, get down tonight. 今天晚上就把她“解决”掉I don't know. I don't 我不知道，我不懂…I don't get it! Two months ago, Rachel and I were this close. 两个月前我们就差这么一点点了Now I'm taking messages from guys she meets at the movies? 现在呢我在替她看电影认识的人留言I mean, this Casey should be taking down my messages, you know? 应该是这个凯西替我留言才对呀Or Rachel and I should be together... 或…或是… 或是我跟瑞秋应该在一起…...and we should get some kind of message service. …然后我们… 我们一起请电话秘书Hang in there. It's gonna happen. 耐心点吧，会有那一天的Now, how do you know that? 好，你怎么知道呢？Because she's your lobster. 因为她是你的龙虾Oh, she's going somewhere. 她有话要说的It's a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. 谁不晓得龙虾一旦恋爱就会白头偕老呢You know what? You can actually see old lobster couples... 你真的可以看到老龙虾夫妻…...walking around their tank, holding claws, like.... …在水缸里爪子牵着爪子散步Hey, you feeling better? 好点了吗？Yeah, I think that fifth shower got the interview off me. 我想我的第五次澡终于洗掉那个面试了Do you have other possibilities? 你还有其他的机会吗？There is the possibility that I won't make rent. 有，我很可能会付不出房租来If you want, I can lend you money. 摩妮卡，你要的话我可以借你钱If I couldn't pay you back right away, I'd feel guilty and tense around you.因为如果我没有办法马上还看到你就会内疚跟紧张Then why not borrow it from Mom and Dad? 好吧那你为什么不跟爸妈借呢？You feel guilty and tense around them already. 反正你看到他们就会内疚跟紧张Might as well make some money off of them. 还不如趁机会跟他们刮点钱The man's got a point. 他说得很有道理What is that sparkly thing? 什么东西亮亮的？That thing? 那个？那个是…Yeah, it's a little flashy. 是…有点俗气啦No, no. 不俗气No, no. It's not flashy. Not for a goodfella. 不会…对道上兄弟来讲不会Man, that is sharp! That must have cost you quite a few doubloons. 够帅的你一定撇了不少榔吧？Hi, darling. 亲爱的What's this? 这是什么？Some of your old stuff. 你以前的东西Well, sweetie, we have a surprise for you. 亲爱的，我们要给你一个惊喜We're turning your room into a gym. 你房间要改成健身房了Wow, that is a surprise! 的确是个惊喜Just one question. Why not Ross's room? 只有个小问题为何不挑哥的房间？We talked about that... 那我们也讨论过了…... but your brother had so many science trophies, plaques, meritbadges.... …但你哥哥有那么多的科学奖杯奖牌，还有优点勋章…We didn't want to disturb them. 我们不想去惊动它们God forbid! 老天也不准We were so sorry to hear about your parents splitting up. 我们很遗撼你父母分开的消息Well, they're just separated. You never know! We'll see. 他们只是分居谁知道呢，看看吧I can't say any of us were surprised. 老实说，我们一点也不惊讶They've been unhappy ever since we've known them. 从我们认识他们开始他们就一直很不快乐Especially after that incident in Hawaii. 特别是在夏威夷那件事之后What? What incident? 哪件事啊？No, no. I must be thinking of someone else. 没什么啦… 一定是我想到别人去了Maybe me! 或许是我Don't you have some folding to do? 你不是要叠衣服吗？Fold. You fold. 快去吧，去叠呀-Want a refill? -I'm all right, thanks. 还要再加一点吗？不用了，谢谢Give me a second. I want to get this just right. 你得再给我一点时间我要学得逼真一点Dude, eleven o'clock, totally hot babe checking you out. 老兄啊，十一点方向有个惹火女郞在看着你That was really good. I think I'm ready for my penis now. 学得很不错我想我可以去变性了I know what you're thinking. Dave Thomas, founder of Wendy's. 我知道你在想什么汤达夫温蒂的创办人，对吧？I'm Gail. 我叫盖儿I really have to go, but it was nice meeting you. 我真的必须走了很高兴认识你Excellent! 真是太好了He could have gotten me a VCR or a set of golf clubs. 他可以送我录影机或是一对高尔夫球杆也可以But no! He got me the "woman repeller"! 但他就送了我一个会吓走女人的东西The eyesore from the Liberace House of Crap! 看了碍眼，戴了碍事儿-It's not bad. -Easy for you to say. 没那么惨啦对，你当然说得容易了You're not sporting a reject from the Mr. Tcollection! 你又不用走来走去炫耀怪头不要的东西"l pity the fool t hat puts on my jewelry! I do! I do!" “我可怜戴着首饰的笨蛋”"l pity that fool" “我可怜戴着…”Hey, man! We were just doing some impressions. 兄弟，我们正在玩… 名人模仿秀呢Do your Marcel Marceau. 表演你的马歇马叟That's actually good. 模仿得很像呢Would you look at that guy? 你看看那个傢伙How long has he been talking to her? 他跟她已经说了多久废话了？It's like, back off, buddy! She's a waitress, not a geisha. 滚开吧，兄弟她只是服务生，又不是艺妓I think she's okay. 我想她没有关系吧Look at that! 你看看…She pushes him away and he won't budge! 你看她把他推开，他还不滚I'm gonna do something. 我要采取行动了We'll get a condo... 我们可以在山上…... right on the mountain. Ski in, ski out, it's great. …租个公寓滑进滑出，棒透了Excuse me? Are you Rachel? 对不起，你是瑞秋吗？What? 什么？Ross Geller. 我叫盖勒罗斯God, in your ad you said you were pretty, but wow! 广告里说你很漂亮，但是…哇What are you doing? 你…你在干嘛？Oh, my God, is this the wrong day? 老天，不是今天吗？I don't believe it! 我真不敢相信If it works out, we'll have something to tell the grandkids! 这件事如果成了的话将来跟孙子们就有话讲了You sure will. 对呀I've gotta go. 对了，我该走了Take care. 保重了See you later. 慢走，再见You're welcome. 不客气-What? -I was saving you. 什么？我是在救你呀Saving me from a pleasant conversation with an interesting man? 救我？让我不用跟有趣的男人愉快地交谈？From where I was 从我坐的那边看起来…Okay, Ross, listen to me. 罗斯，你现在听我说I am not yours to save. 我不是要你救的人But you are. 但是你是呀What? 什么？You're my lobster. 你是我的龙虾Are you being the blind-date guy again? 你知道吗？你又在装跟我盲目约会了No, you're my lobster. 不…你是…你是我的龙虾Lobsters.... 龙虾…In the tank, when they're old... …在水缸里，老的时候...they get with the They walk around holding the c laws. …它们会… 它们爪牵爪散步In the tank! You know, with... 在水缸里…...with the holding and.... …爪子牵着爪子…Pheebs, you wanna help me with the lobster thing? 菲比，帮我解释一下龙虾的事，好不好？Do the claws again. 再表演一次爪子Rach, forget the lobsters, okay? 瑞秋，忘了龙虾的事吧Let's talk What about us? 我们…那我们呢？Ross, there is no "us," okay? 罗斯，没有“我们”No! Listen to me! 你听我说I fell for you and I get clobbered. 我爱上了你，然后我受伤了You then fall for me and I again get clobbered. 然后你爱上我结果我还是受伤了I'm tired of being clobbered, you know? 我受够了伤害It's just not worth it. 根本就不值得Well, but 但是…但…No "but," Ross. 没有“但是”了，罗斯We are never gonna happen, okay? Accept that. 我们是永远不可能的，接受吧Except that what? 除非什么呢？No. No. 不…Accept that. 接受吧Hey, man! Look, it's my best bud! How you doing? 老兄，你看，我的好兄弟你怎么了？You're getting good at that Marcel Marceau thing. 你这个马歇马叟真是模仿得越来越好了What do you say we play some ball? You and me, huh? 乔伊，我们去打球，怎么样？你跟我，你说怎么样啊？Okay, that's my bad. 是我不好If you hated the bracelet, you should have just said so. 你要是那么讨厌那只手镯你应该直说就可以了Doesn't the fact that I wore it... 我戴着这么讨厌的手镯…...say how much our friendship means to me? …那不就证明了我有多么重视我们之间的友谊了吗？But you insulted the bracelet and you made fun of me. 那你侮辱这只手镯还有你嘲笑我的那件事呢？Well, that's the part where I'm a wank. 所以说，我是个混蛋嘛I was hoping you wouldn't focus on that. 不过我希望你不要往那个方向想，好吗？Come on, man! I said I was sorry a hundred times. 你不要这样嘛我已经向你道过一百次歉了I promise, I will never take it off my... 我保证以后手镯不离…...wrist. …手But if you want to stay in there and be mad... 如果你要留在那里生气的话…...you just, you stay in there. …那你就留在里面好了You know what the 你知道吗？最…I am here, on my knees... 我向你下跪了…... holding up these couch cushions... …我举着这些沙发垫子…...as a symbol of my sorrow and regret. …表示我对你的歉意还有悔恨Much like they did in biblical times. 跟古时候的人一样Though you may haveth anger now.... 你现在虽然很生气…You know, that Steffi Graf has quite a tush. 那葛拉芙的玻璃还不错啊I'm just saying! It's right there! 说说而已嘛，就在电视上Hey, guys. 各位Hi, darling. 亲爱的You didn't bring my grandson? 我孙子呢？你没有带他来啊？He's at Carol and Susan's today. 不，他在…凯洛跟苏珊那儿A woman in my office is a lesbian. 我公司有一个女同性恋I'm just saying! 说说而已Jack, look! There's that house paint commercial that cracks you up! 杰克，你看你觉得很好笑的油漆广告来了-Where have you been? -Emotional hell. 你到哪儿去了？人间炼狱Did they lend you the money? 他们有没有借你钱？No, I haven't asked them yet. 没有，我还没有开口Come on, Monica, do it. 去呀，摩妮卡，说呀Hey, you guys. 爸，妈Monica has some news. 摩妮卡有事要找你们So listen, I'm sorry I didn't tell you this before, but... 抱歉我以前没有告诉你们…... I'm no longer at my job. I had to leave it. …我现在…并没有在工作因为我必须离职Why? 为什么？Because they made me. 公司的决定You were fired? What are you gonna do? 你被炒鱿鱼那你现在怎么办呢？Judy, relax. This is our little Harmonica we're talking about. 茱蒂，放心啦这可是我们的小妮妮宝贝儿We taught her well. 我们教导有方-Ten percent of your paycheck goes? -ln the bank. 薪水的百分之十上哪儿去了？存银行了So she dips into her savings. That's what it's there for. 就是嘛，所以她在吃她的老本存钱本来就是应急的She's gonna be fine. 她不会有事的If you need a little extra... 如果那些钱还不够用的话…...you know where to find it. …你知道哪里有钱啊Anything larger back there? 有大张一点的吗？I can't believe it! 我真不敢相信Would you stop already? 你停一下，好不好？Get out of the bitter barn and play in the hay. 不要再怨天尤人了，高兴一点Oh, you're right. I should play in the hay. 你说得对，我应该高兴一点的I just dropped $400 to replace a bracelet I hated to begin with. 忘了我刚才白花花的四百大洋去买一个我恨的手镯这件事Bring on the hay! 逗我开心啊Hey! 嘿I've got something that'll make you happy. 我这儿有个包你大乐的东西Guess what Gunther found? 猜根特刚找到什么了？Hey, now you have two! 你现在有两个了Oh, now you have two. 你现在有两个了What am I gonna do? 我该如何是好？How come you have two? 你怎么有两个？This one's for you. 这个是送你的Get out! 少来了No, I can't. 我没办法I know how much this means to you... 我知道这对你的意义重大…...and this is about more than jewelry. …我也知道不只是首饰而已It's about you and me and the fact that we're "best buds." 这是关于你跟我还有我们是“好兄弟”Is this friendship? I think so! 这叫友谊吗？我觉得应该是Check it out! We're bracelet buddies! 我们是手镯兄弟That's what they'll call us! 大家都会这样叫我们的Okay, here you go. Pay me back whenever you like. 好了，拿去吧随你什么时候还都可以You have dinosaur checks? 你用恐龙支票？You get your money and you learn something. 对啊，你不但得到钱还可以学到一点东西What's wrong with that? 这有什么不对的？Nothing. 没什么…Hey, you're a cheap-a-saurus! 你是小器龙I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Thank you, I'm very grateful. 开玩笑… 谢谢，我很感激你Hey, Mon, what is this? 摩妮卡，这是什么东西啊？That's my bathing suit from high school. I was a little bigger then. 我高中时代的泳衣啊那个时候比较胖I thought they used that to cover Connecticut when it rains. 我还以为是康乃狄克州雨天用的遮雨棚呢Hey, what's on this videotape? 摩妮卡，这带子里有什么？I don't know. Let's put it in. 不知道，问倒我了放来看看Over here, Jack. Okay. 这边，杰克Rachel's coming up the path. 瑞秋穿着粉蓝色出来了Doesn't she look pretty? Jack? 好漂亮，是不是？Can you get this? 过来拍她Oh, my God! 我的天啊What is with your nose? 你鼻子怎么回事啊？They had to reduce it because of my deviated septum. 我隔膜长歪了不得已，只好去缩鼻了Okay, I was wrong. That's what they use to cover Connecticut. 我错了那才是康乃狄克州的遮雨棚呢This is us getting ready for the prom. 知道这是什么吗？毕业舞会前的准备We don't have to watch. 各位，我们不用看这个Yeah, we do. 我们要看…当然要看-Come on! -It's fun! 看嘛很好玩的Get a shot of Monica. 你有没有拍摩妮卡？Where's Monica? 摩妮卡在哪儿？Over here, Dad! 这里啊，老爸Wait. How do you zoom out? 等一等，镜头怎么伸缩？There she is! 拍到了Some girl ate Monica! 那个女的吃了摩妮卡Shut up! The camera adds ten pounds. 闭嘴啦，上镜头会多十磅的So how many cameras are actually on you? 那到底有几个镜头在拍你？Oh, you look so great! 你好漂亮哦So do you! You look beautiful! 你也是好美啊-Oops. - What? 糟了怎么了？I think I got mayonnaise on you. 我想我的美乃滋沾到你了Oh, it's just the shoulder, not my dress. 没关系啦只是肩膀，没弄到衣服啊Everybody smile! 你们笑一笑Oh, Dad, turn it off! 爸，关掉啦It is off. 关了It is not! What's with the red light? 爸，你没关，那红灯亮着It's the off light. 那表示关了Right, Ross? 罗斯Looking good, Mr. IKotter. 很帅嘛- You look pretty tonight. -Oh, thanks. 你今天晚上很漂亮谢谢- What are you doing this summer? -I'm gonna hang out... 你今年夏天要做什么？你知道的，只是…... work on my music. …在家里待着玩我的音乐Is my hook unhooked? These things keep falling down. 我钩子没钩吗？袖子一直掉下来，没办法固定Let me see. I don't know. 我看看，不知道What are you gonna do... 今年夏天你要做…The guys are here! 他们来了... this summer? …什么？Work on your music? 玩你的音乐？Oh, my God! There's Roy Gublik! 天啊，你们看，是古洛伊耶You know, Roy saw Star Wars 317 times. 洛伊看“昨际大战” 看了317次He was in the paper. 他的名字还上了报Where's Chip? Why isn't he here yet? 奇普呢？他为什么还没来？He'll be here, okay? Take a chill pill. 他会来的，放心吧There. 好了I just told Rachel that Roy touched my boob. 我刚告诉瑞秋洛伊摸我的咪咪I can't go to the prom without a date. I can't! It's too late! 没男伴我去不成毕业舞会来不及了If you're not going, then I don't want to go. 你不去，我也不要去了Oh, I'm gonna kick Chip's ass! 我要奇普好看I have a wonderful idea. 我有个很棒的主意You should take Rachel to the prom. 你可以陪瑞秋去参加舞会啊Doubtful. 我很怀疑Jack, give me that. Talk to your son. 杰克，那个给我你跟儿子去谈一谈All right, go on. This thing's heavy. 这玩意儿好重Your mother's right. Take her. You can wear my tux. 你妈说得对，带她去穿我的礼服She won't wanna go with me. 爸，她不会想跟我去的Of course she would! You're a college man! 她当然会，你是大学生呀-I don't know. - Well, come on. 我不知道去呀Don't you wanna find out? 你不想弄清楚吗？I can't believe I can't go to the prom! 真不敢相信我去不成自己的毕业舞会This is so harsh! 这太残酷了-Hold my board. - Thataboy! Thataboy! 好，你帮我拿着真有你的…I think we've seen enough. 好了，各位，我想我们看够了Let's turn it off. 我们把它关掉吧Well, I'm not gonna watch. 那好吧，我就不看Come on, kid. Let's go! 来吧，孩子，我们走了-My! Are you handsome! -Let's show them! 天啊，你真帅去给她们看看Just a sec, Dad. 等一下，爸Okay, be cool. Just be cool. 要酷…Okay, Dad. 好了，老爸Rachel, ready or not, here comes your knight in shining 瑞秋，准备好你的白马王子来了Oh, no. 糟了Don't wait up! 别等我们回来了Chip! 走了，奇普，快Oh, dear! 天啊哪一个？怎么按啊？How do I turn this off? 杰克，这个怎么关啊？Press the button. 按按钮Which one? Which button? Jack! 哪个钮…？The button! The button! 那个啦…I can't believe you did that. 真不敢相信你那么做了Yeah, well.... 是呀…See? He's her lobster! 瞧，他是她的龙虾Dance with him! 跟他跳Mom, I'm hungry! 妈，我饿了Dance with your father. 跟你爸跳I don't know any of your flashdances, but I'm no slouch on the dance floor. 我或许不会跳什么闪舞啦不过我也绝不是个省油的灯All right. 好吧。

老友记第一季中英文字幕第一集（开场场景：中央咖啡馆）莫妮卡（Monica）：你们知道吗，我昨天晚上梦到我们都六十岁了。

罗斯（Ross）：这个怎么可能？我到时候已经去世好多年了。

莫妮卡：我们活得好开心，我们在一个海滩度假，还和我们的孙子孙女一起。

菲比（Phoebe）：不过，我们如何在那个年纪还能有机会生孩子呢？莫妮卡：嗯，你说的有道理。

罗斯：真希望有个安宁的晚年。

Episode 1Opening Scene: Central Perk CaféMonica: You know what, I dreamt last night that we wereall sixty years old.Ross: That’s impossible. By then, I’ll have been dead for many years.Monica: We were living happily, on a beach vacation with our grandkids.Phoebe: But how did we manage to have kids at that age?Monica: Well, you have a point.Ross: I wish for a peaceful old age.本剧是一部美国情景喜剧，由大卫·克朗斯、马塞尔·博尔和凯文·布莱特创作。

剧情围绕着六位好友乔伊、钱德勒、罗斯、莫妮卡、瑞秋和菲比展开。

故事发生在纽约市曼哈顿的中央咖啡馆和他们的公寓中。

这一季共有24集，每集大约为22分钟。

以下将为您带来第一季每集的中英文字幕：This TV show is an American sitcom created by David Crane, Marta Kauffman, and Kevin Bright. The story revolves around six best friends - Joey, Chandler, Ross, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe. It takes place in the Central Perk Café and their apartments in Manhattan, New York City.The first season consists of 24 episodes, each with a duration of approximately 22 minutes. Below are the Chinese and English subtitles for each episode of the first season:第二集（中央咖啡馆）罗斯: 你知道吗，有一天你会发现那个人就在那里一直陪伴着你。

1.Shall I go on? 我还要继续吗2.Just keep smiling3.You spoiled everything 你搞砸了一切4.My friend and family are out there! How can I face them？我的亲朋好友都在场，以后我还怎么见人5.She’s just fixing her makeup 她要补妆6.I hope you don’t take this the wrong way 我希望你别误会7.I know we had plans to meet up tonight 我知道我们今天晚上约了要见面8.How could we have let this happen? 我们怎么这么不小心9.I don’t see that we have a choice. 看来我们别无选择10.I gotta ask you something. 我有事情要问你11.Is all out fault? Were we bad parents? 这是我们的错吗，没把小孩教好12.How are you supposed to eat this? 怎么来吃啊13.Forget it. That’s off.算了吧当我没说14.It’s doesn’t count 不算15.I’m sorry things aren’t working out 抱歉，事情竟然会出问题16.She’ll get over this. 她不会放在心上的17.It didn’t mean anything. It’s a mistake. 根本就没什么，只是一个无心之过18.tow the line, thread the needle听天由命，努力争取19.think outside the box 不要死心眼20.If you don’t realize that, I can’t help you如果你还不懂，我也没法了21.It could be better. It’ll be okay, right?22.If I scream, Yippee, just ignore me。

Guys,look! Ugly Naked Guy's putting stuff in boxes.I'd say our naked buddy is moving.Ironically,most of the boxes seem to be labeled "Clothes."I'm going to miss that big old squishy butt.And we're done with the chicken fried rice.If he's moving,maybe I should try to get his place!It would be so cool to live across from you guys.We could do that telephone thing......where you have a can, we have a can......and it's connected by a string.Or we could do the actual telephone thing.He's got packing tape stuck to where you really don't want it.Get it off,fat man! Get it off!Oh,no,he's trying to pull it off slowly.Take it from me,if you're gonna pull tape off yourself,it's gotta be in one quick motion. Like that.The One Where Everyone Finds Out18Isn't it perfect?I can't believe I never realized how great it is!Because your eye goes to the big naked man.It's amazing!Hurry up with an application, or I'll beat you to it.Well,I'm going to use Ugly Naked Guy's bathroom.Look! There's Monica and Chandler.Hey,you guys! Hey.Chandler and Monica!Oh,my God!钱德和摩妮卡！Oh,my eyes!My eyes!It's okay!-They're doing it! -I know!-I know! -You know?Yes,I know it. Joey knows, but Ross doesn't,so stop screaming! What's going on?-What? -Nothing!We are so excited that you'll get this apartment!Looks really good.Looks pretty good!Get in here! Come on!中央咖啡馆You mean whenever Monica and Chandler......were doing laundry or going grocery shopping?The time Monica spent on the phone with Linda from camp? Doing it,doing it,phone,doing it.I can't believe it!I think it's great. For him.She could do better.Hey,you guys.Come here! What?Phoebe found out about Monica and Chandler.You mean how they're friends and nothing more?Joey, she knows.We saw them doing it through the window.Actually,we saw them doing it up against the window.We saw them fornicating.So they know you know, and they don't know that Rachel knows? Yes,but it doesn't matter who knows what.Now enough of us know that we could just tell them we know. All the lying and the secrets will finally be over.Or,we could not tell them we know, and have a little fun.What do you mean?If they say they are doing laundry, we'll give them laundry to do.I would enjoy that.You know what would be even more fun? Telling them.-That doesn't sound like fun. -So we'll make it fun.We'll do it like a barbershop quartet!We know,we know,we knowNo,I want to do Phoebe's thing.I can't takeYou don't have to do anything. Just don't tell them we know. No. I can't take anymore secrets.I got your secrets,their secrets, secrets of my own.You don't have any secrets.Well, you don't know about Hugsy, my bedtime penguin pal. How are we going to mess with them?You could use your position as the roommate.And I would use the strongest tool at my disposal. My sexuality.Hello,children.Watch. Learn. And don't eat my cookie.That jacket looks great on you.-Really? -The material is so soft.Hello,Mr. Bicep.You're working out?I try to squeeze things.Are you okay?If you really want to knowI can't tell you this.You can tell me anything.Actually,you are the one person I can't tell this to. And the one person I want to the most.What's going on?I just haven't been with a guy in so long......and sometimes you're looking for something... ...and it's right there in front of you,sipping coffee.... Oh,no. Have I said too much?Just something to think about. I know I will.You are so cute.How did you get to be so cute?My grandfather was Swedish.And my grandmother was a tiny little bunny.Now you're even cuter.-You know,that is a popular opinion today,I must say. -What?The weirdest thing happened at the coffeehouse.I think Phoebe was hitting on me.What are you talking about?I'm telling you I think Phoebe thinks I'm foxy.It's not possible.I'm sorry,Phoebe's just always thought you were charming......in a sexless kind of way.You know,I can't hear that enough.I'm sorry, I just think you misunderstood her.No, I didn't,okay? She was all over me.She touched my bicep, for crying out loud.This bicep?Well,it's not flexed right now.Why is it so hard for you to believe that Phoebe could be attracted to me? It's not.All the girls are attracted to you.You're part bunny.Mon, What are you doing now? you want to come see a movie with us? Actually,I was going to do some laundry.Want to do it with me?Sure,I'll do it with you.Okay,great. Hold on a second.Here you go.That would really help me out a lot. Thanks.You know what? I don't have enough quarters.I have quarters!Great. Now we can do laundry all night. All night laundry!Hey,any word on the apartment yet?I called there,and it turns out Naked Guy is subletting it.He's already had 100 applicants.-Oh,man. -No,no,it's okay.Because you know what the difference between them and me is?Your history of bedwetting?Hey,I trusted you,man!Anyway,the difference is......I've got the edge.It's not exactly ethical, but I sent him a bribe......to tip the scales in my direction.You can see it from the window.-Is it that pinball machine with the big bow on it? -No.-That new mountain bike? -No.What did you send?A basket of mini muffins.There's a whole table of them. Which one did you send?The small one.You actually thought that basket was going to get you the apartment? Someone sent us a basket at work, and people went crazy over those muffins. It was the best day.Your work makes me sad.Oh, man, I want that place so much!And I was so sure that was going to work.There's 12 bucks I'll never see again.We'd better go if we want to catch that movie.Bye.Bye, Chandler. I miss you already.Did you see that? The inappropriate, and the pinching?Actually,I did.So do you believe that she's attracted to me?Oh,my God! She knows about us!Are you serious?She knows,and she's trying to freak us out!That's the only explanation!But what about my pinchable butt and my bulging biceps?She knows!Joey!Yeah?Phoebe knows about us.I didn't tell them!Them?Who's "them"?Phoebe and Joey.Joey!And Rachel.I would have told you, but I promised not to tell.I'm sorry.But it's over now,right?You can tell them you know they know, and I can go back to knowing nothing!UnlessNot "unless"! This must end now!They think they are so slick messing with us.But they don't know that we know that they know.SoThe messers become the messees!Come on, you guys. Think how much fun it would be to tell.We know,we know,we knowWhat?Oh, that wasn't you.Honey,you got to stop torturing yourself.Why don't you find another apartment?I've already looked at 1000 apartments this month.None of them even compares to that one.Well,except for one,but I would have had to share it with an Armenian family. Grandma really liked me.But I want Ugly Naked apartment!You know what you should do?You should find out his hobbies and use that to bond with him.Like if I wanted something from Joey......I would strike up a conversation about sandwiches......or my underwear.I'm listening.That is a great idea!And I know Ugly Naked Guy because we've been watching him for five years. So that gives me back my edge!Let's see now. He had the trampoline.He broke that.-He had gravity boots. -He broke those too.So he likes to break stuff.I've got to go pick up Ben. But I will figure something out. Didn't he used to have a cat?I wouldn't bring that up. It would bum him out.Poor cat never saw that big butt coming.喂？Hold on a second, she's right here.It's Chandler.Hello,you.Phoebe, I've been thinking about you all day.You know that thing you said before? I was intrigued. Really?Joey won't be here tonight.Why don't you come over? I'll let you feel my bicep.Or maybe more.I'll have to get back to you on that. Okay, bye.He wants me to come over and feel his bicep and more! -Are you kidding? -No!I cannot believe he would do that to MonJoey? Do they know that we know?-No. -Joey!They know you know.I knew it!I would say,"Thank God! Everybody knows! It's finally over!"But that hasn't been working for me.I cannot believe those two!They thought they could mess with us? Trying to mess with us?They don't know that we know they know we know.Joey,you can't say anything.Couldn't if I wanted to.Good evening,sir. I'm Ross Geller. I'm one of the applicants.I realize that the competition is fierce but....I'm sorry, I can't help but notice that you're naked.I applaud you.Man,I wish I was naked.I mean,this looks so great.That is how God intended it.Look. They're panicked!They'll totally back down.If he wants a date, he's going to get a date.I'm going to go in.Be sexy.Please.I'd love to come by tonight.Really?Absolutely. Say,around 7?Yes.Good. I'm really looking forward to you and me having sexual intercourse. Hey,check it out!Naked Guy's got a naked friend.Oh, yeah.Oh,my God! That's our friend!It's Naked Ross!Would you like another mini muffin?Try the blueberry,they're delicious.Showtime!-Rachel,get me perfume. -Ok.Joey, can you get me a bottle of wine and glasses?All right,thanks,but glasses that do not have handles and that are glass.And wine that is not olive oil.You just make her think you want to have sex with her and it will freak her out. How far am I gonna have to go with her?Relax, she'll give in way before you do.How do you know?Because you're on my team. My team always wins.At this?Just go get some! Go!Now,I'm going to try to listen from right here.Oh,wait.Good idea.Don't give away the farm.菲比Come on in.I was going to.I brought some wine. Would you like some?Sure.So here we are.Nervous?Me? No. You?I want this to happen.So do l.I'm going to put on some music.Joey likes to scare the duck.Maybe I'll dance for you.You look good.Thanks.You know,when you say things like that,it makes me......want to rip that sweater vest right off.Why don't we move into the bedroom?Really?Do you not want to?First I want to take off all my clothes......and have you rub lotion on me.That would be nice.I'll go get the lotion.It's way out of hand. She wants me to put lotion on her!-She's bluffing! -She's not backing down.She went like thisHe's not backing down. He went to get lotion.It's Chandler. You can take him.Come on. Don't you remember when you made him cry using only your words?Aren't you guys done yet?I want to sit in my chair!The sooner Phoebe breaks him,the sooner it's over and out in the open.I like that.Show him your bra. He's afraid of bras. Can't work them.Joey!You didn't rip off any buttons.It's not my first time.Go back there and seduce her till she cracks!Give me a second.-Did you clean up in here? -Of course!You're going?Not without you,lover.So this is my bra.It's very,very nice.Well,come here.I'm very happy we're going to have all the sex.You should be. I'm very bendy.I'll kiss you now.Not if I kiss you first.I guess there's nothing left for us to do but kiss.Here it comes.Our first kiss.You win!I can't have sex with you!-And why not? -I'm in love with Monica!You're what?Love her! That's right！I...LOVE...HER!I love her!I love you,Monica.I love you too,Chandler.I thought you were doing it. I didn't know you were in love! Dude!Hats off to Phoebe. Quite a competitor.May I say your breasts are still showing.God.All right! So that's it?It's over. Everybody knows!Actually,Ross doesn't.We'd appreciate it if no one told him yet.Well,here it is.A new place for a new Ross.I'll have you and the guys from work over, once it's furnished.I must say it's nice to see you back on your feet.I am that, and the whole rage thing is definitely behind me.I wonder if it's time for you to rejoin our museum team? That would be great.I am totally ready to come back to work. I...What? No!What are you doing?Get off my sister!。

Here's little Ben nodding off.Look at Aunt Monica's little boy!- Look, he's got Ross haircut. - Let me see.Oh, God! Is he just the sweetest thing?You must just wanna kiss him all over.That would be nice.- Pardon? - Nothing.Just a little extra air in my mouth.Chan, can you help me out here?I promise I'll pay you back.Right. Including the waffles last week, you now owe me... ... 17 jillion dollars.I will, really, I'll pay you back this time.Where's this money coming from?I'm helping out at the NYU Med School with some research. What kind of research?Just, you know, science.Science.Yeah, I think I've heard of that.It's a fertility study.Joey, please tell me you're only donating your time.Come on, you guys, it's not that big a deal.I just go down there every other day......and make my contribution to the project.But at the end of two weeks, I get $700!You're gonna be making money hand over fist.Okay, we got the coleslaw, we got the buns.We got the ground-up flesh of formerly cute cows and turkeys. Men are here!We make fire.Cook meat.Then put out fire by peeing, no get invited back.Cute.- Oh Joey, Melanie called, said she's gonna be late. - Okay. So how are things going with you two?Is she becoming your "special someone"?I don't know. She's pretty great.Yeah? What does she think of your little science project? What, you think I'm gonna tell a girl I like thatI'm also seeing a cup?Man's got a point.The tough thing is, she really wants to have sex with me.. Crazy bitch.Yeah, well, I still got a week left to go in the program,and according to the rules, if I want to get the moneyI'm not allowed to conduct any...personal experiments,if you know what I mean.Joey, we always know what you mean.How long did you think this barbecue was gonna last?- I'm going to China. - Jeez, you say one thing, and....- You are going to China? - Yeah. For the museum. Someone found a bone.We want the bone, but they don't want us to have the bone.So I'm going over there to try to persuade them to give us.It's a whole big bone thing.Anyway, I'm gonna be gone for like...like a week.So, if you want to reach me, you can't.So here's my itinerary.- Here's a picture of me. - Oh, let me see.Could you take it to Carol's every now and then and show it to Ben - just so he doesn't forget me? - Yeah."Hi, Ben. I'm your father.""I am the head!"This barbecue's gonna be very fun.Is Rachel here? I wanted to wish her a happy birthday before I left. - No. She's out having drinks with Carl. - Hey, who's Carl?- You know that guy she met at the coffeehouse. - No.- You see, there's this guy she met at... - The coffeehouse? Right. So you do know who he is.I'll go say goodbye to the guys.Hey, you know what? Tell them that bone story.- I have to go to China. - The country?- I have to go to China. - The country?No, this big pile of dishes in my mom's breakfront.Do you know who Carl is?Let's see. Alvin, Simon, Theodore.... No.Rachel's having drinks with him tonight.Oh no! How can she do thatwhen she's never shown any interest in you?!?- Forget about her. - He's right, man.Please. Move on. Go to China. Eat Chinese food.Of course, there they just call it "food."Yeah, I guess. I don't know.All right, just give her this for me, okay?- Listen, buddy, We're just looking out for you. - I know.We want you to be happy.And I may only have a couple beers in me,but I love you, man.I'm still on my first.I just think you're nice.Anyway, that's when me and my friends startedthis whole fruit basket business.We call ourselves "The Three Basketeers."Like "The Three Musketeers," only with fruit.OK, how does everybody like their burgers?No, presents first! Food later.Hey, hold on there, tiger. How's it going? How you holding up? Well, not so good. She definitely thinksthat tonight is the night we're gonna...plete the transaction, if you know whatAnd you do.So, uh, have you ever thought about being there for her?What do you mean?You know, just be there for her.Not following you.Think about it.Okay. I'm guessing this is from....- Thank you, Melanie. - This one right here is from me.Okay. It's light. It rattles.It's......Travel Scrabble!Thank you.This one's from Joey.It feels like a book, I think it's a book. And it's a book!It feels like a book, I think it's a book. And it's a book!It's Dr. Seuss!That book got me through some tough times.There's a little child inside this man.The doctors say if they remove it, he'll die.- Who's this from? - That's Ross'.Oh,my God! He remembered!- Remembered what? - lt was like months ago.We walked by this antique store.And I saw this pin in the window.And I told him it was like one my grandma had when I was a little girl.I can't believe he remembered!Well, sure, but can you play it on a plane?It's so pretty! This must've cost him a fortune.I can't believe he did this.Come on, Ross, remember back in collage,when he fell in love with Carol......and bought her that expensive crystal duck?What did you just say?Crystal duck.No, no, no.The "love" part?Oh, my God!Oh, no, no, no.That's good. Just keep rubbing your head. That'll turn back time. This is unbelievable. I mean, this is unbelievable!I know. This is really, really huge.No, it's not. It's small. It's tiny. It's petite. It's wee.I don't think any of our lives will ever be the same ever again.Is there a mute button on this woman?I think this is so great. I mean, you and Ross!- Did you have any idea? - No, none!I mean, my first night in the city,he mentioned something about asking me out,but nothing ever happened so I just...What else did he say? I mean, does he, like, want to go out with me? Well, given that he's desperately in love with you,he probably wouldn't mind getting a cup of coffee or something. Ross? All this time?I've gotta talk to him.- He's in China! - The country.Wati, his flight doesn't leave for 45 more minutes.- What about time difference? - From here to the airport?Yes!- You'll never make it! - I've gotta try.Rachel, what'll you say to him?- I don't know. - Then maybe you shouldn't go.He's right. If you're gonna break his heart,that the kind of thing that you can wait.Yeah, but if it's the good news, you should tell him now.I don't know, maybe I'll know when I see him.Here, look, all right, does this help?No. Look, all I know is that I cannot wait a week until I see him.I mean, this is just too big.I've just gotta talk to him. Okay, I'll see you later.Rachel, I love you! Deal with me first!Rachel, I love you! Deal with me first!All right.All right.- Ross! Excuse me, pardon me. - May I see your boarding pass? Oh, no, no, I don't have one. I just need to talk to my friend.Oh, oooh. I'm sorry. You are not allowed on the jetwayunless you have a boarding passNo, I know, but I... he just went on. He's right there,he's got the blue jacket on, I... can I j-just...No, no. Federal regulations!Ok, Then could you please just give him a message for me? Please. - This is very important. - All right. What's the message?I don't know.Excuse me, sir! Excuse me, sir?- I have a message for you. - What?It's from Rachel, she said that she loved the present,- and she'll see you when you get back. - What?Toby... Oh, for God's sake, I don't know what she's talking about! There's no Rachel. Don't give me that deep freeze.Oh, Joey, Joey, Joey!I think I blacked out there for a minute.It was nothing.Well,now we gotta find something fun for you.You know what?Forget about me. Let's give you another turn.- Me, again? - Sure. Why not?Boy, somebody's gonna get a big fruit basket tomorrow!I gotta tell you, you are nothing like I thought you'd be.How do you mean?I don't know, I-I guess I just had you peggedas one of those guys who're always 'me, me, me.'But you... you're a giver.You're like the most generous man I ever met.I mean, you're practically a woman.Uh, so, uh, Rach, uh... do you wanna save this wrapping paper, I mean, it's only a little bit torn...Are you gonna go for it with Ross or should I throw it out?I don't know. I don't know.I thought about it all the way there,and I thought about it all the way back. You know, it's Ross! You know what I mean? I mean, it's Ross.- Sure! - Sure.I don't know. This is just my initial gut feeling...but I'm thinking it'd be really great.Oh, my God, me too! We'd be like friends-in-law!You know what the best part is?The best part is you already know all about him.It's like you start on the 15th date.Yeah, but you know, it would be like starting on the 15th date. Another good point.I mean, on the 15th date, you're already in a very... ..."relationship-y" place. You're committed.What happens if it doesn't work out?- Why isn't it working out? - I don't know. Sometimes it doesn't. Is he not cute enough for you? Does he not make enough money? - No, I'm just... - Maybe there's someone else.Is there? ls there someone else?No, there is no one else.Then why the hell are you dumping my brother?Hey, big Spender!She's still asleep.- So how'd it go? - Oh, it was amazing.You know how you always think you're great in bed?The fact that you'd even ask that questionshows how little you know me.Last night I couldn't do the thing that usually makes me great. So I had to do all this other stuff.And the response I got! Man,oh,man!It was like a ticker-tape parade!I know. My room's very,very close to the parade route.It was amazing,and not just for her. For me too!It's like,all of a sudden I'm blind...... but all my other senses are heightened.It's like I was able to appreciate it......on another level.I didn't know you had another level.I know. Neither did l!- Hey, great skirt. Birthday present? -Yeah.- From who? - You.I exchanged the blouse you got me.Well, it's the thought.Doesn't Ross' flight get in in a couple hours?At gate 27B?Yeah. Monica,you know, I've been thinking about it.I've decided this whole Ross thing,it's just not a good idea.Why?Because I feel like I wouldn't just be going out with him.I'd be going out with all of you.and there would just be all this pressure, and I don't wanna... No, no, no, no, no, no pressure, no pressure!Monica, nothing has even happened yet, and you're already so... I'm not "so." Okay, I was a teensy bit weird at first...... but I'll be good. I promise.- Who is it? - It's me, Carl.- Come on up. - Behind my brother's back?is exactly the kind of crazy thing you won't be hearing from me. - Seven hundred bucks! - All right,you did it!Do we have any fruit?Man, hell of a two weeks.You know what? I really feel like I learned something. Really? You're gonna stick with this "all for her" thing?What are you, crazy?When a blind man gets his sight back,does he walk around like this?I'm just saying, if I see one more picture of Ed Begley Jr...I'm just saying, if I see one more picture of Ed Begley Jr... ...in that stupid electric car, I'm gonna shoot myself!I mean, don't get me wrong...I'm not against environmental issues, per se......it's just that guy!I can't believe you'd rather go out with him than me.Excuse me, I'm trying to have a date here.Fine. Just stop thinking about me.Can't do it, can you?I'm thinking about you. So what?I don't get it. What do you see in this guy anyway??Happens to be a very nice guy.I mean, come on, buddy! Get a real car!Rachel, come on. Give us a chance.Ross, it's too hard.Why, because it'll get weird for everyone else?Who cares about them. This is about us.I've been in love with you since the ninth grade.Ross, You're like my best friend.If we broke up, and I lost you...What makes you think we're gonna break up?Well, have you been involved with someone where you haven't broken up? No.But it only has to happen once.You and I both know we are perfect for each other. Right?So the only question is: Are you attracted to me?I don't know.I mean, I've never looked at you that way before.Well, start looking.Exactly!And you just know that I'm gonna be the guy......caught behind this hammerhead in traffic!Right! You're right.- You know what? - What?I forgot. I'm supposed to pick up a friend at the airport.I am so sorry!if you want to stay and finish your drinks, please do. - I'm sorry, I gotta go. I'm sorry. - But....Excuse me! Pardon me. Excuse me. Sorry.Toby, for God's sake, will you let it go?There's no Rachel!Hey! I got that.-Thanks, sweetie. - No problem.I can't wait for you to meet my friends.-Really? - Yeah.You don't think they'll judge and ridicule me?- No, they will. I just.... - Can't wait!Come on, they're gonna love you.第一季第二十四集So no one told you life was gonna be this wayyour jobs a joke, you're broke,your love life's D.O.A.It's like you're always stuck in second gear,And it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year, butI'll be there for you,when the rain starts to pour.I'll be there for you,like I've been there before.I'll be there for you,'cause you're there for me too.'cause you're there for me too.。

What you guys don't understand is,for us, kissing is as important as any part of it.Yeah, right!...Y'serious?Oh, yeah!Everything you need to know is in that first kiss. Absolutely.Yeah, I think for us,kissing is pretty much like an opening act, you know?kissing is pretty much like an opening act, you know?I mean it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out.Yeah, and-and it's not thatwe don't like the comedian, it's that-that...that's not why we bought the ticket.The problem is, though, after the concert's over,no matter how great the show was,you girls are always looking for the comedian again, you know?I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic...basicallyjust trying to stay awake.Yeah, well, word of advice:Bring back the comedian. Otherwise next time you're gonna find yourselfsitting at home, listening to that album alone....Are we still talking about sex?...Are we still talking about sex?No, it's good, it is good, it's just that- Mm-doesn't she seem a little angry?Well, she has issues.Does she?He's out banging other women over the head with a club, while she sits at home trying toget the mastodon smell out of the carpet!Marsha, these are cave people.Okay? They have issues like'Gee, that glacier's getting kind of close.'- See? - Speaking of issues, isn't that your ex-wife? Me? No.Yes, it is. Carol! Hi!Okay.Yes.Yes,it is.Okay.Yes.Yes,it is.How about I'll catch up with you in the Ice Age?You look great. I, uh...I hate that.Sorry. thanks.You look good too.Ah, well, in here, anyone who...stands erect...So what's new? Still, uh...A lesbian?Well...you never know. How's, um...how's the family?Marty's still totally paranoid. Oh, and, uh-Why- why are you here, Carol?I'm pregnant.Pregnant?!she didn't leave in such a hurry after allOh, I think this is the episode of Three's Company wherethere's some kind of misunderstanding....Then I've already seen this one!Are you through with that?Yeah, sorry, the swallowing slowed me down.Whose little ball of paper is this?!Oh, uh, that would be mine. See, I wrote a note to myself,and then I realised I didn't need it, so I balled it up and......now I wish I was dead.She's already fluffed that pillow...Monica, you know,you've already fluffed that--but, it's fine!Look , I'm sorry, guys,I just don't wanna give them any more ammunitionthan they already have.Yes, and we all know how cruel a parent can beabout the flatness of a child's pillow.Monica? Hi!Um, Monica, you're scaring me.I mean, you're like, you're like all chaotic and twirly.And not-not in a good way.Yeah, calm down.You don't see Ross getting all chaotic andtwirly every time they come.That's because as far as my parents are concerned, Ross can do no wrong.Y'see, he's the Prince.Apparently they had some big ceremony before I was born. What?Ugly Naked Guy got a thigh-master!Has anybody seen my engagement ring?Yeah, it's beautiful.Oh God, Oh God, Oh God, Oh God, Oh God, Oh God, Oh God. No, look, don't touch that!Oh, like I wasn't dreading tomorrow enough,having to give it back to him...'Hi Barry! Remember me? I'm the girl in the veilwho stomped on your heart in front of your entire family!'Oh God and now I'm gonna have to return the ring,without the ring, which makes it so much harder...Easy Rach, we'll find it. Won't we!Oh! Yeah!Alright, when do you have it on last?Doy! Probably right before she lost it!You don't get a lot of 'doy' these days...I know I had it this morning,and I know I had it when I was in the kitchen with......Dinah?Ohhhhh, don't be mad...You didn't?Oh, I am sorry...I gave you one job!Oh, but look how straight those noodles are!Now, Monica, you know that's nothow you look for an engagement ring in a lasagne...I just...can't do it.Boys? We're going in.Wow. That is not a happy hi.Carol's pregnant.Ooh! I found it!W-w-wh-...wha-...w-w-w-...Yeah. Do that for another two hours,you might be where I am right about now.Kinda puts that whole pillow thing in perspective, huh, Mon? Well now, how-how do you fit into this whole thing?Well, Carol says she and Susan want me to be involved,but if I'm not comfortable with it, I don't have to be involved... basically it's totally up to me.She is so great! I miss her.What does she mean by 'involved'?I mean presumably, the biggest part of your job is done. Anyway, they want me to go down to this-sonogram thing with them tomorrow.So what are you gonna do?I have no idea.No matter what I do, though, I'm still gonna be a father. ...Well, this is still ruined, right?Oh, Martha Ludwin's daughter is gonna call you.Mmm! What's that curry taste?Curry.I- I think they're great! I, I really do.Do you remember the Ludwins?The big one had a thing for you, didn't she?They all had a thing for him.Aw, Mom...I'm sorry, why is this girl going to call me?Oh, she just graduated, and she wants to be something in cooking, or food, or...I don't know.Anyway, I told her you had a restaurant-No Mom, I don't have a restaurant,I work in a restaurant.Well, they don't have to know that...Ross, could you come and help me with the spaghetti, please?- Yeah. - Oh, we're having spaghetti!That's...easy.I know this is going to sound unbelievably selfish,but, were you planning on bringing up the whole baby/lesbian thing? Because I think it might take some of the heat off me.What that Rachel did to her life...We ran into her parents at the club,they were not playing very well.I'm not gonna tell you what they spent on that wedding...but forty thousand dollars is a lot of money!Well, at least she had the chance to leave a man at the altar...What's that supposed to mean?Nothing! It's an expression.No, it's not.Don't listen to your mother.You're independent, and you always have been!Even when you were a kid...and you were chubby, and you had no friends,you were just fine!And you would read alone in your room, and your puzzles...Look, there are people like Ross who need to shoot for the stars,with his museum, and his papers getting published.Other people are satisfied with staying where they are-I'm telling you, these are the people who never get cancer....And I read about these women trying to have it all,and I thank God 'Our Little Harmonica' doesn't seem to have that problem. So, Ross, what's going on with you?Any stories?No news, no little anecdotes to share with the folks?Okay! Okay.Look, I, uh- I realiseyou guys have been wonderingwhat exactly happened between Carol and me, and,so, well, here's the deal.Carol's a lesbian.She's living with a woman named Susan.She's pregnant with my child,and she and Susan are going to raise the baby.And you knew about this?!Your folks are really that bad, huh?Well, y'know, these people are pros.They know what they're doing,they take their time, they get the job done.Boy, I know they say you can't change your parents,... boy, if you could--I'd want yours.Must pee.Y'know, it's even worse when you're twins.- You're twins? - Yeah. We don't speak.She's like this high-powered, driven career type. What does she do?She's a waitress.All right, you guys, I kinda gotta clean up now. Chandler, you're an only child, right?- You don't have any of this. - Well, no,although I did have an imaginary friend, who...my parents actually preferred.The lights, please......How long was I in there?I'm just cleaning up.Do you...uh...do you need any help?Uh...okay, sure! Thanks!Anyway...um...So, you- uh- you nervous about Barry tomorrow?Oh...a little...A lot.So, got any advice?Y'know, as someone who's recently been- dumped?Well, you may wanna steer clear of the word'dumped'.Chances are he's gonna be this, this broken shell of a man, y'know, so you should try not to look too terrific,I know it'll be hard.Or, y'know, uh, hey! I'll go down there,and I'll give Barry back his ring,and you can go with Carol and Susan to the OB/GYN...Oh, you've got Carol tomorrow...When did it get so complicated?Got me.- Remember when we were in high school together? - Yeah.I mean, didn't you think you were just gonna meet somone,fall in love- and that'd be it?- Ross? - Yes, yes!Oh! Man, I never thought I'd be here...Me either...Sorry I'm late, I was stuck at work.There was this big dinosaur...thing...anyway.Ross, you remember Susan.How could I forget?Ross.Hello, Susan. Good shake. Good shake.So, uh, we're just waiting for...?Dr. Oberman.- ...Dr. Oberman. Okay. And is he - She.She, of course, she- uh-familiar with our...special situation?Yes, and she's very supportive.Okay, that's great.No, I'm- Oh.Thanks.Ross? That opens my cervix.Barry?Come in.Are you sure?Yeah! It's fine, it's fine. Robbie's gonna be here for hours. So, how are you doing?I'm- uh- I'm okay...You look great!Dr. Farber,- Jason Greenstein's gagging. - Be right there.Be back in a sec.I dumped him.So, how's this all gonna work?Y'know, with us?Y'know, when, like, important decisions have to be made? Give me a 'for instance'.Well, uh, uh, I don't know, okay, okay,how about with the, uh, with the baby's name?- Marlon. - Marlon?If it's a boy,Minnie if it's a girl....As in Mouse?As in my grandmother.Still, you- you say Minnie, you hear Mouse.Um,how about, um...how about Julia?Julia...We agreed on Minnie.Totally, um, uh, we agreed we'd spend the rest of our lives together. Things change, roll with the punches.I believe Julia's on the table...?Sorry about that.So. What have you been up to?Oh, not much. I-I got a job.Oh, that's great.Why are- why are you so tanned?Oh, I, uh- I went to Aruba.- Oh no. You went on our honeymoon alone? - No,I went with, uh...Now, this may hurt.- Me?! - No!I went with Mindy.Mindy?! My maid of honour, Mindy?!Yeah, well, uh, we're kind of a thing now.Oh! Well...um, You've got plugs!Careful! They haven't quite taken yet.And you've got lenses!But you hate sticking your finger in your eye!Not for her.Listen, I really wanted to thank you.See, about a month ago, I wanted to hurt you.More than I've ever wanted to hurt anyone in my life. And I'm an orthodontist.Wow. You know, you were right?I mean, I thought we were happy.We weren't happy.But with Mindy,now I'm happy.- Spit. - What?Me.Anyway, um,I guess this belongs to you.And thank you for giving it to me.Well, thank you for giving it back.Hello!Oh, please! What's wrong with Helen?Helen Geller?I don't think so.- It's not gonna be Helen Geller. - Thank you!No, I mean it's not Geller.What, it's gonna be Helen Willick?No, actually, um,we talked about Helen Willick-Bunch.Well, wait a minute, wha- why is she in the title?It's my baby too.Oh, so funny, really? Um, I don't remember you making any sperm. Yeah, and we all know what a challenge that is!All right, you two, stop it!No no no, she gets a credit,hey, I'm in there too.Ross. You're not actually suggestingHelen Willick-Bunch-Geller?Cause I think that borders on child abuse.Of course not,I'm...suggesting Geller-Willick-Bunch.Oh, no, nonononono,you see what he's doing?He knows no-one's gonna say all those names,so they'll wind up calling her Geller, then he gets his way!My way?! You-you think this is my way?Believe me, of all the waysI ever imagined this moment in my life being,this is not my way- y'know what?Uh, um, this is too hard. I'm not, I can't do-Knock knock! How are we today? Any nausea?- A little. - Yeah. - Yeah.Well, I was just wondering about the mother-to-be,but...thanks for sharing.Uh, lie back...You- uh- y'know what, I'm gonna go.I don't- I don't think I can be involvedin this particular thing right now.Oh, my God.Look at that.I know.Well? Isn't that amazing?What are we supposed to be seeing here?I don't know, but...I don't know, but...I think it's about to attack the Enterprise. You know, if you tilt your head to the left, and relax your eyes,it kind looks like an old potato.Then don't do that, alright?Okay!Monica. What do you think?Wh- are you welling up?No.You are, you're welling up.I'm not!You're gonna be an aunt.Oh shut up!Hi, Mindy. Hi, it-it's Rachel.Yeah, I'm fine.I saw Barry today. Yeah, he told me.No,i t's okay. Really, it's okayI hope you two are very happy, I really do.Oh, oh, and Mind, y'know, if-if everything works out, and you guys end up getting married and having kids- and everything-I just hope they have his old hairline and your old nose. Okay, I know it was a cheap shot,but I feel so much better now.第一季第二集So no one told you life was gonna be this wayyour jobs a joke, you're broke,your love life's D.O.A.It's like you're always stuck in second gear,And it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year, butI'll be there for you,when the rain starts to pour.I'll be there for you,like I've been there before.I'll be there for you,'cause you're there for me too.'cause you're there for me too.。

So, what is this?Googlie Worm.And this?Glow Pop Jiggly Jam.It's so funny!What's this?A hunk of sandwich from last year.Geller's got one hooked! Looks like a big one!It's the classic struggle between man...Someone knocked over a lamp.You know what'll be great about the fishing trip?When my Dad asks, "What are you doing with your life?"......I can say, "I'm doing a movie with Charlton Heston.What about you?"Don't stop having fun just because I'm here.Kathy didn't cheat on all of you.Well, except you.You know what is so sweet? Those birds have not left his side the whole time. Yeah, I wish that rooster were dead.You shouldn't leave Chandler alone. They broke up only two days ago.Go fishing next week.There's nothing I can do. He's still in his sweats.That's only phase one.I'll be back for phase two. I'd never miss that.Phase two?Getting drunk and going to a strip club.How does going there make him better?There are naked ladies there.Then to phase three: Seeing yourself with other women. There are naked ladies there too.Would you give me one minute, please?S04E14 The One with Joey's Dirty DayThese will match the jacket you picked out last week? There we go.There it is.You know what I need? Gloves.Brown leather dress gloves.Well, let's see...This one is large.And this one...Also large?Two larges coming right up.Hello.- Damn you. - Could I have a moment?My niece, you see, is in town from London. Shropshire, but you know.She's about your age, I'd say.Anyway, I have tickets for the opera. Die Fledermaus. Would you like to keep her company tonight?Sure. You got it!Count me in. Me. Fledermaus. Great!Yes, of course. Thank you so very much.So?- Gloves? - Sorry, I'll be right back.Actually, I got to take off.I was curious. Do you have plans tonight?No, nothing!I invested in a nightclub. It opens tonight. Want to come?That would be great!You're into hard-core S & M, right?- Well, I guess. - I'm kidding.I'll put you on the VIP list. Look for me.Great! You bet.I'll see you tonight.- I almost forgot the tickets. - What?For you and Emily. Tonight. Die Fledermaus.Oh, right.You'll like it. It has two out of the three tenors.I can't believe Kathy did this to me.I really thought she was the one.I'll tell you what.I'm not getting out of this chair. Ever!From now on, this chair is the one!You know what else is the one? My sweatpants.Just take the sweats off, okay?Take them off and we'll have some fun.Wow, and I can't resist that line. That's why I never wear sweatpants. Did you catch any fish?You guys have no idea.- You stink! - Are you kidding?Three days without a shower. Plus, I fell in a big tub of worms! How's he doing?He hasn't left that chair in two days.Hey, buddy, how's it going?You see? He just needed his pal to come home.I got to memorize my lines.Me and Charlton Heston, bright and early tomorrow, baby! What's the matter?Joshua invited me to this fancy club opening tonight.But I already told Mr. Waltham......that I would take his niece to the dumb old opera.So, what are you going to do?- I don't know. - No! Help me!- I can't. I have to work. - Phoebe?I would, but I get my morning sickness in the evening.Unless she wants to spend the night holding my hair back for me. You guys, come on! I have to meet Joshua.It's my one chance for him to see the "fun" Rachel.The "wouldn't it be great if she were my wife?" Rachel.Are Joey and Chandler back?Chandler's still in phase one, and Joey's that thing you smell. So...No.Come on!- She's here. - Wait, wait.Ross, please?You want me to take some girl I've never met to the opera......so you can go to a club and flirt with some guy?That is a toughie.She's looking down the hall.She looked right at me.You can't see people through that hole, can you?I'll be right there! Okay, Ross, please.I thought we had moved on.I thought we could be happy for each other.I mean, was that just me?All right, I'll do it.Thank you, thank you.Emily. I'm Rachel Greene.Thank goodness!There's been a teeny change of plans. I'm not free tonight...Really?I must've missed your call, though I didn't leave the flat all day. Well, l...That's not rude. It's in keeping with the trip......where I've been run down by one of your wiener can'ts......and been strip-searched at the airport.Apparently, I look like someone who's got cocaine stuffed up their bum.I think you look great.Good night. It was very nice to meet you.I'll get her.Please, hurry.Don't you just love the way they talk?- What? - The baby kicked!Oh, my God.No, wait. The elastic in my underwear busted.Oh, my God! I overslept!I was supposed to be on the set half an hour ago!You can't go like that! You stink!I fell asleep. Now I don't have time!Just 10 blocks away. If I run, I'll make it.Run 10 blocks. That'll help the smell.Slow down! No, keep moving.How did it go last night?Well, I didn't see Joshua.But I did punch a girl in the face.The whole night was horrible. It was pouring.There was no Rachel Greene on the list. But there was a Rachel Greep. So did you get to meet her?There is no Rachel Greep. But this girl overheard us.And she said, "I'm Rachel Greep!" And he let her in.So you hit her?No, she was already in.This big bitch behind me tried to steal my umbrella......so I clocked her.All I wanted was a few hours......outside of work to see Joshua......so he could go ahead and start falling in love with me. Pheebs.Honey, that's your name.That's short for Phoebe? I thought that's what we called each other. - You're wearing pants! - That's right.Where are the guys? I'm ready to get drunk and see strippers.It's 9:30 a.m.They got a breakfast buffet.Let me talk to him!- Oh, my God! - Can't I just...?- It's my phone and she's shush... - Please!What's he saying?He's with Emily in Vermont.What? Oh, my God!Who the hell is Emily...? No.When we first met her, she was soaking, her feet were wet...Who wouldn't be miserable?I'm telling you, once I got her into a dry pair of shoes......she was a totally different person.They're in Vermont? How did this happen?How'd he end up in Vermont with that witch?Maybe she doesn't hit him all the time.There's a deer outside eating fruit from the orchard!I got to go! There's a deer eating fruit from the orchard!He had to go. There was a deer eating fruit from the orchard.I don't get this. She was horrible!I'm going to go stand over there.Why do you care?I don't care.I'm just upset that I'm getting nowhere with Joshua.You do not just meet someone and go flitting off to Vermont! When you first met Barry, you flitted off to Vail.Could you, just for once......not remember every little thing?So you know, whers he getting back?A couple of days.I knew something like this would happen.What are you doing?You can't go back a phase!You're thinking about time. You can't go back in time.Why don't you do your phase two strip club thing with us? We can be guys!No, you can't.Let us be guys! Maybe we want to be guys.No, you don't. You'd be all hairy and wouldn't live as long. Would you just stop being such a wuss and get those off? And come with us and watch naked girls dance!Okay.I'm sorry.Joey Tribbiani. I'm here.Calm down, we got time. We're running late.All set.Look at that. Charlton Heston eating licorice.Yeah, he loves them. I've never seen him with...What the hell is that? What smells so bad?You.I could see why you would think that. But you know who it is? You?No, no. It's Heston.What?He reeks like he went on a three-day fishing trip, then ate licorice. No way. He's the only one with a shower in his dressing room. Really? A shower?Which room might that be?The one with "Heston" on it.Interesting.I got some ones. You want to put them in her panties?No, thanks, Mom!That.You have to put that out because I'm pregnant.Maybe you and your baby ought to go to another strip club.It's not my baby.Very good.Really good. I enjoyed it. Very exotic.I just checked our messages and Joshua didn't call.You'd think he'd be worried about me not showing up.You know what makes it worse?Ross is all happy in Vermont.Come on, look where you are!Another round of daiquiris.Virgin for me.Don't let me leave without the name of that carpet guy.Come on!You know what? I'll go home and call Kathy.If it'll help.That was a test. In a few hours, I'll be drunk.I'll want to call her. You'll have to stop me.Then I'll be so drunk, I'll want to call Janice.You should! How is she?I think somebody needs another lap dance.Who's in there?How you doing?Who in the hell are you?Would you believe me if I said I was Kirk Douglas?Put some pants on, kid, so I can kick your butt.No, wait. You don't understand.I'm an actor.Joey Tribbiani. I'm doing a scene with you today.And I stink!You're in this picture?I'm a cop who won't work with you because you're a loose cannon. Anyway, I'm really sorry.But I stink.Joey, right?Every actor, one time or another...Every actor thinks he stinks.Even Laurence Olivier sometimes thought he stank.Bob Redford won't even watch himself.You don't understand.Listen to me.I don't know one actor won'th his salt......who, one time in his career, didn't say, "God, I stink!"I just did a scene out there. First take, I stunk the place up.The important thing, and you must remember......no matter how badly you think you stink......you must never, ever bust into my dressing room and use my shower! Do you understand me?- Yes, sir. I'm very sorry. - Wait a minute!Take your pants.Sorry. I'm really sorry.What a business.We did okay at the strip club, right?Great. Thanks to you, the hottest waitress is quitting......to teach the third grade!- He still hasn't called. - Who, Josh?It's Joshua.- He doesn't like "Josh"? - No, I don't.I'm going to put my sweats back on.You know what? You were right.We werert great at being guys. You know why?Because we're girls.- You know what girls are good at? - Stripping!No, listening!Sit.Maybe it would really, really help if you would just talk. Yeah, come on. What's going on in there?And you know, if you want to cry, that's okay too.I'm going to have to ask you all to leave.Forget it. We tried, but phase three is a lost cause.Those strippers were hot, and I couldn't picture myself with them. They really were pretty, werert they?- I liked that fighter pilot one. - Candy?She was so spunky!I think if I were going to be with a woman......it'd be with someone like Michelle.She was just so petite.For me, it would have to be Chantal.She had the smoothest skin.I stuck that dollar in her G-string and grazed her thigh...Phase three! I just achieved phase three!I am totally picturing you with all those women!That's not phase three.Well, I'm there too!Are we all together in a group?Stop it, you're killing me!I think I moved on to phase four!- I don't want a relationship ever!I just want sex with strippers and my friends!Come on.Let me see that smile.I don't want to.Please?I wanted to go to the strip club!You'll have plenty of chances.There are thousands of women out there, just waiting to screw me over. Yeah, all right.How was Vermont?Emily is......incredible. There are no words to describe her.The whole weekend was like a dream.And you! Rach!You were so right.What?What you said about us finally being in a place......where we could really be happy for each other.I admit, I wasn't quite there.The thought of you and that Josh guy...Joshua.- Joshua guy at that club, dancing, having a good time.And the thought of it kind of...You know? But now!But now, I'm totally there.I'm finally where you are.Thank goodness!And thank you for Emily.No problem. I'm so glad I could help, you know? I'm happy for you.Happy for you.Oh, no, happy for you.All right. Here's what we'll do.You are going to take off my clothes.You two, go get the oils.And you, just constantly scream... ..."Chandler's the king! Chandler's the king!"I want to be with her. I like her.That's fine. Go with your instincts!What am I doing again?Pay attention. I could wake up at any moment.I'm Joshua. I'm here to pick up Rachel.That's not Joshua.What do you want from me? I never met the guy. I'm sorry you can't stay.The rest of us have a lot of work to do.What are you doing?All right, listen. I got to wake up.。

The One With the Candy HeartsWritten by: Bill LawrenceTranscribed by: Mindy Mattingly Phillips[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is eyeing a beautiful woman at the counter, and Joey and Chandler are egging him on to go talk to her. No pun intended.I mean it.]Joey: I'm tellin' you Ross, she wants you.Ross: She barely knows me. We just live in the same building. Chandler: Any contact?Ross: She lent me an egg once.Joey: You're in!Ross: Aw, right.Woman: Hi, Ross.Ross: Hey. (stutters something incoherent)Chandler:Come on, Ross, you gotta get back in the game here, ok? The Rachel thing's not happening, your ex-wife is a lesbian—I don't think we need a third...Joey:Excuse me, could we get an egg over here, still in the shell? Thanks. Ross: An egg?Joey:Yeah, you're gonna go up to her and say, "Here's your egg back, I'm returning your egg."Chandler: I think it's winning.Ross: I think it's insane.Chandler: She'll love it. Go with the egg, my friend.(Ross walks over to the woman, egg in hand.)Joey: Think it'll work?Chandler: No, it's suicide. The man's got an egg.Opening Credits[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler are there. Ross is still talking to the beautiful woman.]Monica: You can not do this.Rachel: Do what, do what?Monica: Roger wants to take her out tomorrow night.Rachel: No! Phoebes! Don't you remember why you dumped the guy?Phoebe: 'Cause he was creepy, and mean, and a little frightening... alright, still, it's nice to have a date on Valentine's Day!Monica:But Phoebe, you can go out with a creepy guy any night of the year.I know I do.Rachel: Well, what are you guys doing tomorrow night?Joey: Actually, tomorrow night kinda depends on how tonight goes.Chandler: Oh, uh, listen, about tonight...Joey: No, no, no, don't you dare bail on me. The only reason she's goin' out with me is because I said I could bring a friend for her friend.Chandler: Yes, I know, but her friend sounds like such a...Joey: Pathetic mess? I know, but—come on, man, she's needy, she's vulnerable. I'm thinkin', cha-ching! (Rachel throws a roll at Joey. He picks it up and eats it.) Thanks. Look, you have not been out with a woman since Janice. You're doin' this.Ross: Hi. She said yes.Chandler:Yes! Way to go, man! (Chandler and Ross hug. Something crunches in Ross' shirt pocket.) Still got the egg, huh?[Scene: A Restaurant, Joey and Chandler are there, waiting for their dates to show up.]Joey: (Looking at himself in the reflection on a knife) How do I look?Chandler: Oh, uh, I... don't... care. (Joey's date shows up) Ok, now, remember, no trading. You get the pretty one, I get the mess.Lorraine: Hi, Joey. Well well, look what you brought. Very nice.Chandler: ...And what did you bring?Lorraine:She's checking the coats. Joey, I'm gonna go wash the cab smell off my hands. Will you get me a white Zinfandel, and a glass of red for Janice.Chandler: Janice?(Lorraine leaves. Joey shakes his head as though to say, 'It can't be the same Janice.' Janice enters.)Janice: Oh.... my.... God.Chandler: (angrily) Hey, it's Janice.[Scene: The bathroom at the restaurant, Chandler and Joey are talking.]Chandler: Ok, I'm makin' a break for it, I'm goin' out the window.Joey: No, no, no, don't! I've been waitin' for like, forever to go out with Lorraine. Just calm down.Chandler: Calm down? Calm down? You set me up with the woman that I've dumped twice in the last five months!Joey:(at the urinal) Can you stop yellin'? You're makin' me nervous, and I can't go when I'm nervous.Chandler:I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you're right. (gets up right behind Joey and yells in his ear) Come on, do it, do it, go, come on!!![Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the girls are all there, discussing their bad luck with men.]Rachel: Ok, ok, Roger was creepy, but he was nothing compared to Pete Carney.Monica: Which one was Pete Carney?Rachel: Pete the Weeper? Remember that guy who used to cry every time we had sex. (imitating) "Was it good for you?"Monica: Yeah, well, I'll take a little crying any day overHoward-the-"I-win"-guy. (imitating) "I win! I win!" I went out with the guy for two months—I didn't get to win once.Rachel: How did we end up with these jerks? We're good people!Monica: I don't know. Maybe we're some kinda magnets.Phoebe: I know I am. That's why I can't wear a digital watch.Monica: There's more beer, right?Phoebe: Oh! You know my friend Abby who shaves her head? She said that if you want to break the bad boyfriend cycle, you can do like a cleansing ritual.Rachel: Pheebes, this woman is voluntarily bald.Phoebe:Yeah. So, we can do it tomorrow night, you guys. It's Valentine's Day. It's perfect.Monica: Ok, well, what kind of ritual?Phoebe: Ok. We can, um, we can burn the stuff they gave us.Rachel: Or?Phoebe:Or...or we can chant and dance around naked, you know, with sticks.Monica: Burning's good.Rachel: Burning's good. Yeah, I got stuff to burn.[Scene: The Restaurant, Joey, Lorraine, Chandler, and Janice are at the table. Joey and Lorraine are seated very close, Chandler and Janice have backed their chairs away from one another.]Lorraine: You know, ever since I was little, I've been able to pick up quarters with my toes.Joey: Good for you. (jumps suddenly) Uh, quarters or rolls of quarters?Janice:By the way, Chandler. I cut you out of all my pictures. So if you want, I have a bag with just your heads.Chandler: That's OK.Janice:Oh, are you sure? Really? Because you know, you could make little puppets out of them, and you could use them in your theater of cruelty.(Lorraine whispers into Joey's ear.)Joey: (to Lorraine) We can't do that.Chandler: (disgusted) What? What can't you do?Joey: Uh, can I talk to you for a second, over there?(Chandler and Joey leave the table.)Joey: Uh, we might be leaving now.Chandler: Tell me it's "you and me" we.Joey: She said she wants to slather my body with stuff and then lick it off. I'm not even sure what slathering is, but I definitely want to be a part of it.Chandler: Ok, you can not do this to me.Joey: You're right, I'm sorry. You're right.Lorraine:(to waiter) Uh, can we have three chocolate mousses to go please?Joey: I'm outta here. Here's my credit card. Dinner's on me. I'm sorry, Chandler.Chandler: I hope she throws up on you.(Joey leaves with Lorraine. Chandler sits back down with Janice.)Chandler: So...Janice: Just us.Chandler: Oh, what a crappy night!Janice: Although, I have enjoyed the fact that, uh your shirt's been stickin' outta your zipper ever since you came back from the bathroom.Chandler:Excuse me. (gets up, jumps up and down while he zips his zipper up... other patrons look at him) How ya doin'?Janice: So, do we have the best friends or what?Chandler:Joey's not a friend. He's...a stupid man who left us his credit card. Another drink? Some dessert? A big screen TV?Janice: I will go for that drink.Chandler: You got it. Good woman! (the waiter turns around, it's a man) Could we get a bottle of your most overpriced champagne?Janice: Each.Chandler:That's right, each. Oh, and a uh Rob Roy. (to Janice) I've always wanted to know...[Scene: Chandler's bedroom, Chandler wakes up, and finds someone else's hand on his chest. He rolls over and is shocked to see Janice there.]Janice: Happy Valentine's Day!Commercial Break[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler is trying to get Janice out of his apartment.]Janice: Oh, I miss you already. Can you believe this happened?Chandler: No... no! And yet it did. Good-bye, Janice.Janice: Kiss me!(Janice kisses him. Monica comes out for the newspaper.}Monica: Oh, Chandler, sorry.(Janice turns around, Monica sees who it is.)Monica: Ohhh, Chandler, sorry! Hey, Janice.Janice: Hi, Monica.Chandler: Ok, well, this was very special.Monica: Rach, come see who's out here!(Rachel comes out.)Rachel: Oh my god. Janice, hi!Chandler: Janice is gonna go away now.Monica: I'll be right back.(Joey enters from the stairs.)Rachel: Oh, Joey, look who it is.Joey: (in disbelief) Whoa.Chandler: Oh, good, Joey's home now.Janice: This is so fun. This is like a reunion in the hall.(Monica comes out with her cordless phone.)Monica: Oh, hi, Ross. Yeah. There's someone I want you to say hi to. (to Chandler) He just happened to call.Janice:Hi, Ross. Yes, it's me. How did you know? (she laughs obnoxiously)[Scene: A Chinese Restaurant, Ross is there with his date.]Ross:I'm just sayin' if dogs do experience jet lag, then, because of the whole um, seven dog years to one human year thing, then, when a dog flies from New York to Los Angeles, he doesn't just lose three hours, he loses like a week and a half.(Ross starts to laugh, and then makes a face like 'Why did I just say that?' Ross' ex-wife, Carol, and her lesbian lover, Susan, enter the restaurant. Ross stares at them.)Kristin: That's funny. Who are they?Ross:The blond woman is my ex-wife, and the woman touching her is her... close, personal friend.Kristin: You mean they're lovers.Ross: If you wanna put a label on it.Kristin: Wow, uh, anything else I should know?Ross: Nope, nope, that's it.(Carol takes off her jacket, her pregnant belly is exposed.)Ross:Oh, and she's pregnant with my baby. I always forget that part. (to Carol and Susan) Helloo![Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the girls are holding their boyfriend bonfire.]Phoebe: Ok, so now we need, um sage branches and the sacramental wine.Monica: All I have is, is oregano and a Fresca.Phoebe:Um, that's ok! (throws it in fire) Ok. All right. Now we need the semen of a righteous man.Rachel: Ok, Pheebs, you know what, if we had that, we wouldn't be doing the ritual in the first place.Monica: Can we just start throwing things in?Phoebe: Ok, yeah, ok. (she throws the directions in) Oh, OK.Rachel: (tossing things in the fire) Ok, Barry's letters. Adam Ritter's boxer shorts.Phoebe: Ok, and I have the, uh receipt for my dinner with Nokululu Oon Ah Ah.Monica: Look, here's a picture of Scotty Jared naked.Rachel: (looking at picture) Hey he's wearing a sweater.Monica: No.Rachel and Phoebe: Eww!Rachel: And here we have the last of Paulo's grappa.Monica: Hey, Rachel, isn't that stuff almost pure...(Rachel throws the alcohol in the fire. A burst of flames shoots up from it.)[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are there. Chandler is preparing to dump Janice again.]Chandler: How can I dump this woman on Valentine's day?Joey: I don't know. You dumped her on New Year's.Chandler: Oh, man. In my next life, I'm coming back as a toilet brush.(Janice enters.)Janice: Hello, funny Valentine.Chandler: Hi, Just Janice.Janice:Hello, Joey, our little matchmaker. I could just kiss you all over, and I'm gonna!(Janice kisses Joey all over. Chandler smiles.)Joey: (to Chandler) If you don't do it, I will.[Scene: The Chinese Restaurant.]Ross: So, um, what do you do for a living?Kristin: Well, um, for the past few years I've been working..(Ross is watching Carol and Susan, not listening to Kristin. Susan gets up, and has to go. Carol is left stranded)...which is funny because, that wasn't even my major.Carol: Oh no. I thought you said they could shoot the spot without you.Susan: I thought they could...I'll try to get back as soon as I can. I'm sorry. (Ross realizes Kristin was expecting him to laugh, so he starts to laugh hysterically.)Ross: Now that is funny. Hey, do you think...would it be too weird if I invited Carol over to join us? 'Cause she's, she's alone now, and pregnant, and, and sad.Kristin: (reluctantly) I guess.Ross: Are you sure? Great. Carol? Wanna come over and join us?Carol: Oh, no no no. I'm fine. I'm fine.Ross:Come on. These people'll scooch down. You guys'll scooch, won't you? Let's try scooching! Come on. Come on. Uh, Kristen Riggs, this is Carol Willick. Carol, Kristin. Uh, Carol teaches sixth grade. And, Kristin, Kristin...(struggling)...does something that, funnily enough, wasn't even her major![Scene: Monica and Rachel's, firemen are there to handle the bonfire that got out of control.]Fireman No. 1: What do we got there?Fireman No. 2: A piece of something: boxer shorts, greeting cards, and what looks like a half-charred picture—Wow, that guy's hairier than the Chief!Monica: You know, it's a really funny story how this happened.Fireman No. 3:It's all right. It's all right. You don't have to explain. This isn't the first boyfriend bonfire that we've seen get out of control.Fireman No. 1: You're our third call tonight.Rachel: Really?Fireman No. 2: Oh, sure, Valentine's is our busiest night of the year.[Scene: Central Perk.]Janice: I brought you something.Chandler:Is it loaded? Oh, little candy hearts. (reading the candy) Chan and Jan Forever.Janice: I had them made special.Chandler: Ok, Janice. Janice. Hey, Janice. Look, there's no way for me to tell you this. At least there's no new way for me to tell you this.I just don't things are gonna work out.Janice: That's fine.Chandler: (surprised) It is?Janice: Mmm-hmm. Because I know that this isn't the end.Chandler: Oh no, you see, actually it is.Janice: No, it isn't, because you won't let that happen. Don't you know it yet? You love me, Chandler Bing.Chandler: Oh, no I don't.Janice: Well then ask yourself this. Why do you think we keep ending up together? New Year's? Who invited who? Valentine's? Who asked who into whose bed?Chandler: I did, but...Janice:You seek me out. Something deep in your soul calls out to me like a foghorn. Janice, Janice. You want me. You need me. You can't live without me. And you know it. You just don't know you know it. See ya.(She kisses him passionately,then leaves.)Chandler: Call me![Scene: The Chinese Restaurant, Ross and Carol are talking. Kristin is not there.]Carol: It's not true. I never called your mother a wolverine.Ross:You did so. I swear, I swear—(noticing Kristin's absence) How long has she been in the bathroom?Carol: Uh, I don't think she's in the bathroom. Her coat is gone.Ross:Well maybe it's cold in there. Or maybe I screwed up the first date I had in 9 years.Carol: That could be it.Ross:Oh, god. (He puts his head down on the grill) You know, this is still pretty hot. (He picks his head up, and a mushroom sticks to his head. Carol picks it off and eats it.)Carol:Mushroom. Smile. They won't all be like this. Some women might even stay through dinner. Sorry, that's not funnyRoss:No, it's just...you know the whole "getting on with your life" thing. Well, do I have to? I mean, I'm sitting here with this cute woman, and, and, and she's perfectly nice, and, but that there's, that's it. And um, and then I'm here talkin' to you, and, and it's easy, and it's fun, and, and I don't, I don't have to...You know, here's a wacky thought. Um, what's say you and I give it another shot? No no no, I know what you're gonna say, you're a lesbian. But what do you say we just put that aside for now you know? Let's just stick a pin in it, ok? Because, we're great together, you know. You can't deny it. Besides, you're carrying my baby. I mean, how perfect is that? But see, you know, you keep sayin' that, but there's somethin' right here. I love you.(They kiss.)Carol: Oh, I love you too. But...Ross: No but, no but.Carol:You know that thing you put over here with the pin in it? It's time to take the pin out. You'll find someone, I know you will. The right woman is just waiting for you.Ross: That's easy for you to say, you found one already.Carol: All you need is a woman who likes men and you'll be set.(A beautiful woman walks by Ross, he stares at her.)Carol: Not her.Closing Credits[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, The girls are talking with the firemen.]Fireman No. 3:We get off around midnight, why don't we pick you up then?Rachel: So, um, will you bring the truck?Fireman No. 3: I'll even let you ring the bell.Rachel: Oh, my god.Phoebe: See, there you go, the cleansing works!Monica: They're nice guys.Rachel: Oh, they're firemen guys.[Scene: Out in the hall, the firemen are talking.]Fireman No. 1: You guys tell them you were married?Fireman No. 2: No way!Fireman No. 3:Are you kidding? My girlfriend doesn't know, I'm not gonna tell them!End。

Do you think they have yesterday's Daily News?Why?I just wanna check my horoscope, see if it was right.Oh,my God! Don't look now. Behind you there's a guy... ...who can break our hearts and plunge us into depression. Where?Come to mama.He's coming. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.- Nice hat. - Thanks.We should do something. Whistle.I'm not whistling.- Come on, do it! - No.Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it.I can't believe you did that.Why did I whoo- hoo?Was I hoping he'd turn around and say......"I love that sound. I must have you now"?I wish there was something we could do.Hello.Hello, coma guy.Get up, you Girl Scout! Up,up,up!Phoebe, what are you doing?Maybe nobody's tried this.I wish we at least knew his name.Look at that face.I mean, even sleeping, he looks smart.I doubt he is a lawyer.Yeah, but did you see the dents in his knuckless?That means he's artistic.Okay. He's a Lawyer who teaches sculpting on the side.And he can dance.And he's the kind of guy who, when you're talking, he's listening... ... not saying, "I understand"...... but really wondering what you look like naked.I wish all guys could be like him.I know.Are there no conscious men in the city for you two?He doesn't have anyone.Yeah, we-we feel kinda of responsible.I can't believe you said"whoo-hoo."I don't even say"whoo-hoo."Oh, she's coming up. She's coming up!Folks, when we come backwe'll be talking about her new book, 'Euphoria Unbound': the always interesting Nora Tyler Bing.You might wanna put the kids to bed for this oneY'know, we don't have to watch this.Weekend At Bernie's is onShowtime, HBO, and Cinemax.No way, forget it.C'mon, she's your mom!Exactly. Weekend at Bernie 'sDead guy getting hit in the groin 20, 30 times. Chandler, I gotta tell you,I love your mom's books! I love her books!I can't get on a plane without one.I mean, this is so cool.Yeah, well, you wouldn't think it was cool if you're eleven years old and all your friends are passing around page 79 of "Mistress Bitch". C'mon, Chandler, I love your mom.I think she's a blast.You can say that because she's not your mom.Oh, please. She's the- Hi, sweetie. - Bona seraWhen did "Rigatoni" get back from Rome?- Last night. - Really?So, his plane didn't explode in a big ball of fire? Just a dream I had. But, phew!Hey hey hey! She's on.Nora Bing.Back to the book.What is this about you being arrested in London?What is that all about?Your mom was arrested?I'm busy beaming with pride.This is kind of embarrassing......but occasionally,after I've been intimate with a man...Why would she say that's embarrassing?...I just get this craving for kung pao chicken.That's too much information.Alright, so now you're doing this whole book tour thing, how is that going?Oh, fine. I'm leaving forNew York tomorrow, which I hate.But I get to see my son, who I love.This is the way that I find out.Most moms use the phone.Y'know, don't take this wrong,I just don't see you as a mom somehow..I don't mean that, I don't mean that bad.Oh, no. I'm a fabulous mom.I bought my son his first condoms.And then he burst into flames.Let's see. Congress is debating a new deficit- reduction bill.The mayor wants to raise subway fares again.The high today was 45.And- oh, teams played sports.What about GIen?He could be a GIen.Nah... not-not special enough.How about Agamemnon?Way too special.I'm famished. What do I want?PIease, God, don't let it be kung pao chicken.You watched the show. What did you think?I think you need to come out of your shell.What is this dive?Only you could've picked this place.Come on. Shut up. It's fun.Give me a hug.Well, I think we're ready for some tequila.I know I am.Who's doing shots?- Hit me. - I'm in.There you go. Ross?I'm not really a shot-drinking kind of guy.Hi! Sorry- sorry we're late,we, uh, kind of just, you know, lost track of time.But a man can change.Anyone want me to appraise anything?Mrs. Bing, I have to tell you,I've read everything you've ever written.No, I mean it!I mean, when I read Euphoria at Midnight,all I wanted to do was become a writer.Oh, please, honey, listen, if I can do it, anybody can.You just start with half a dozen European cities......throw in thirty euphemisms for male genitalia, ...and bam! You have got yourself a book. My mother, ladies and gentlemen.Yeah, any messages for room 226?- You okay,slugger? - Oh,yeah. I'm fine.What is with you tonight?Nothing. Nothing, nothing.Okay,thank you.It's the Italian hand-licker, isn't it?No. It's the one he's licking.She's supposed to be with you.You're good.Oh, Ross, listen to me.I have sold 100 million copies of my books, and you know why? The girl on the cover with her nipples showing?No, because I know how to write men that women fall in love with. Believe me, I cannot sell a Paolo.People will not turn 325 pages for a Paolo. Come on. The guy's a secondary character. y'know, complication you eventually kill off. When?He's not a hero.You know who our hero is?The guy on the cover with his nipples showing?No, it's you.- Please. - No ,really.Come on. You' re smart. You' re sexy.- Right. - Yes, you are.You are gonna be fine, believe me.I'll just pee in the street.Is Chandler here?- Yeah. - Come here.Okay, uh, about last night,um, Chandler.. you didn't tell...Okay, 'cause I'm thinking- we don't need to tell Chandler, I mean, it was just a kiss, right?One kiss? No big deal? Right?- Right. No big deal. - Okay.In bizarro world.You broke the code.- What code? - You don't kiss your friend's mom. Sisters are okay. Maybe a hot- looking aunt.But not a mom. Never a mom.What are you guys doing out here?uh.. Well, Joey and I had discussed getting in an early morning racquetball game. But, um, apparently, somebody overslept. Yeah, well, you don't have your racket. No. No, I don't, because it's being restrung. Somebody was supposed to bring me one.Yeah, well you didn't call and leave your grip size.Okay, you guys spend waaaay too much time together. Okay, I'm scum, I'm scum.Ross, how could you let this happen?I don't know, God, I... well, it's not like she's a regular mom, y'know? She's, she's sexy.She's .......You don't think my mom's sexy? Well, not in the same way.I'll have you know that Gloria Tribbiani was a handsome woman in her day, alright?You think it's easy giving birth to seven children?Okay, I think we're getting into a weird area here. What're you guys doing out here?Well, not playing raquetball.He forgot to leave his grip size.He didn't get the goggles.Well, sounds like you two have issues.- Goodbye, baby. - Ciao, bela. Do they wait for me to do this?- So are you gonna tell him? - Why would I tell him? How about 'cause if you don't, his mother might.What are you guys doing here?Uhhhh.... he's not even wearing a jockstrap.What did I ask?What are you doing here?Nothing. I just thought I'd stop by, you know, after......that I, you know.So, what are you doing here?I'm not really here.Just thought I'd drop these off on the way. My way.Do you come here a lot......without me?No, no, no.So, um, do you think he's doing any better than he was this morning? How would I know? I wasn't here.Really? Not even to change his pajamas?Oh,my God.You're my friend. I had to tell you.I can't believe it.Paolo kissed my mom?Yeah, um, I don't know if you noticed,but he had a lot to drink,and you know how he gets when he's drun...uh I can't do this. I did it. It was me. I'm sorry. I kissed your mom.What?I was really upset about Rachel and Paolo, and I think I had too much tequila, and Nora- um, Mrs. Mom- your Bing- was just being nice,y'know, and- But nothing happened, Nothing. Ask Joey.- Joey came in - You knew about this?You know, knowledge is a tricky thing.I spent the entire day with you, why didn't you tell me?!Hey, hey, hey, you're lucky I caught them when I did, or else who knows what woulda happened.Thanks, man. Big help.I can't believe this! What the hell were you thinking?I wasn't- I mean, I-Y'know, of all my friends,no-one knows the crap I go through with my mom more than you. - I know. - I can't believe you did this.Me neither, y'know what-I'm still mad at you for not telling me.What are you mad at me for?You gotta let me slam the door.Chandler- I didn't kiss her, he did.- See what happens when you break the code? - Joey-"A Woman Undone, by Rachel Karen Greene."Yeah. Thought I'd give it a shot.I'm still on the first chapter.Now, do you think his 'love stickcan be liberated from its denim prison'?Yeah, I'd say so.And there's no"J" in"engorged."Hey, Rach.- Hello. - Hello.- Going to the hospital tonight? - No. You?No. You?You just asked me.Okay, maybe it was a trick question.Rachel,can we do this now?Okay. I am so hot.Now, here's a picture of my mother and father on their wedding day. Now you tell me she's not a knockout.I can't believe we're having this conversation.C'mon! Just try to picture her not pregnant, that's all.Central Perk is proud to present Miss Phoebe Buffay.Thanks, um, 'kayI'd like to start with a song that's about a man I recently met... ...who's come to be very important to me. 'Kay.*You don't have to be awake to be my man**As long as you have brainwaves I'll be there to hold your hand**Though we just met the other day**There's something I have got to say*Okay, thank you very much, I'm gonna take a short break.Okay, that was Phoebe Buffay, everybody. Woo!- What the hell was that? - Phoebe just startedYeah, I believe I was talking to Joey,alright there, Mother-Kisser?"Mother-kisser."I'll shut up.Chandler, can I just say something?I-I know you're still mad at me,I just wanna say that there were two people there that night. Okay? Two sets of lips.Yes, well, I expect this from her. Okay? She's always been a Freudian nightmare.Okay, well, if she always behaves like this, why don't you say something?Because it's complicated, it's complex- Hey, you kissed my mom.We' re rehearsing a Greek play. That's very funny. Are we done now? No! Okay, you mean, you're not gonna talk to her, you're not gonna tell her how you feel?That would be no.Look, just because you played tonsil tennis with my mom... doesn't mean you know her. Alright?Trust me, you can't talk to her. Okay. "You can't"? Or you can't? Okay, that's my finger. That's, that's my knee.Still doing the play.Alright, whadyou do with him?- You're awake. - Look at you. How, how do you feel? Uh, a little woozy, but basically okay.Gosh, you look good.I feel good.Who are you?- Sorry. - I'm Phoebe Buffay.I'm Monica Geller. I've been taking care of you.We both have.So, the Etch-a-Sketch is from you guys?Well, actually it's just from me.I got you the foot massager.You know who shaved you? That was me- I read to you. - I sang.Well,thanks.- Oh,my pleasure. - You' re welcome.So I guess I'II see you around.What? That's it?"See you around"?- Well, what do you want me to say? - I don't know. Maybe......"That was nice."" It meant something to me."" I'll call you."- Alright. I'll call you. - I don't think you mean that. This is so typical.You know, we give and we give......and we give.And then- we just get nothing back!And then one day, y'know,it's just, you wake up, and "See you around!" Let's go, Phoebe.You know what? We thought you were different. But I guess it was just the coma.Car's waiting downstairs, I just wanted to drop off these copies of my book for your friends. Anything you want from Lisbon?No, just knowing you're gonna be there is enough. Alright, well, be good, I love you.You kissed my best Ross. Or something to that effect.O-kay.Look, it, it was stupid.- Really stupid. - Really stupid.And I don't even know how it happened.I'm sorry, honey. I promise it will never happen again. - Are we okay now? - Yeah.No. No...Ah, the forbidden love of a man and his door..He did it. He told her off, and not just about the kiss, about everything. You're kidding?No, no. He said, "When are you gonna start being a mom?" Then she came back with:"The question is,when are you gonna realizeI have a bomb?" 'Kay, wait a minute, are you sure she didn't say "When are you gonna grow up and realize I am your mom?"- That makes more sense. - You think?So, what's going on now?I don't know. I've been standing here spelling it out for you.I don't hear anything. Wait, wait, wait.What do you see?Hard to tell, they're so tiny and upside-down.Wait,wait,wait.They're walking away. They're walking away.No, no, they' re not.They' re coming right at us. Run!- Are you okay, kiddo? - Yeah.All right. You be good.Drive safe.- Mrs. Bing. - Mr. Geller.You mean that?Yeah, why not?So I told her.- How did it go? - Awful. Awful.Couldn't have gone worse.- Well, how do you feel? - Pretty good.I told her.Well, see?So maybe it wasn't such a bad idea, y'know, me kissing your mom, uh? But.. we don't have to go down that road.Okay. Now this is just the first chapter......and I want your absolute honest opinion. Okay?Oh, oh, and on page two, he's not 'reaching for her heaving beasts'. What's a "niffle"?You can usually find them on the heaving beasts.Alright, alright, so I'm not a great typist.Wait, did you get to the part aboutWait, did you get to the part about his 'huge throbbing pens'?Oh, yeah, you don't wanna be around when he starts writing with those.That's it. Give them back. 第一季第十一集So no one told you life was gonna be this way your jobs a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A.It's like you're always stuck in second gear,And it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year, butI'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.I'll be there for you,like I've been there before.I'll be there for you,'cause you're there for me too.。

经典美剧《老友记》-第一季-第二集-字幕-对白-中英文对照-看美剧学英语What you guys don't understand is, 你们男生不懂的是for us, kissing is as important as any part of it. 接吻对女生的重要性Yeah, right!... 是嘛Y'serious? 当真吗Oh, yeah! 当然Everything you need to know is in that first kiss. 初吻可以让人明白一切Absolutely. 没错Yeah, I think for us, 对我们而言kissing is pretty much like an opening act, you know? 接吻就像是暖场序幕kissing is pretty much like an opening act, you know? 摇滚乐队I mean it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through 就像平克·弗洛伊德出场前before Pink Floyd comes out. 你得耐着性子先看完暖场搞笑秀Yeah, and-and it's not that 对而且我们并非we don't like the comedian, it's that-that... 讨厌搞笑表演而是因为that's not why we bought the ticket. 只是我们买票又不是为了看搞笑秀The problem is, though, after the concert's over, 问题在于演唱会结束后no matter how great the show was, 不论表演有多精采you girls are always looking for the comedian again, you know?你们女生总还想再重温暖场搞笑秀I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic...basically 我们在车中奋力杀出车阵just trying to stay awake. 只是拼命让自己别睡着Yeah, well, word of advice:Bring back the comedian. 是哦给你个建议让搞笑秀返场Otherwise next time you're gonna find yourself 否则下次你们只能坐在家里sitting at home, listening to that album alone. 独自一人听唱片...Are we still talking about sex? 我们现在还在谈论性吗...Are we still talking about sex? 史前历史博物馆No, it's good, it is good, it's just that- Mm- 不挺好的只是doesn't she seem a little angry? 她看起来是不是有点生气啊Well, she has issues. 那是因为她有问题了Does she? 真的吗He's out banging other women over the head with a club,她男人在外头拿着大棒敲昏别的女人while she sits at home trying to 而她却得在家get the mastodon smell out of the carpet! 努力清除地毯上乳齿象的臭味Marsha, these are cave people. 玛莎他们是原始人Okay? They have issues like 明白吗他们关心的问题应该是'Gee, that glacier's getting kind of close.' "嘿冰川时代离我们越来越近了"- See? - Speaking of issues, isn't that your ex-wife? -懂吗 -谈到问题那不是你前妻吗Me? No. 我不是Yes, it is. Carol! Hi! 正是卡罗尔你好Okay.Yes.Yes,it is. 好吧是的Okay.Yes.Yes,it is. 史前生命展即将开幕How about I'll catch up with you in the Ice Age? 咱们到冰河世纪那边见好吗You look great. I, uh... 你的气色好极了我I hate that. 虽然我很不喜欢Sorry. thanks.You look good too. 抱歉谢了你看起来也不错Ah, well, in here, anyone who...stands erect... 在这儿任何直立的人So what's new? Still, uh... 最近怎么样还是A lesbian? 女同性恋Well...you never know. How's, um... 世事难料嘛那么how's the family? 家庭生活如何Marty's still totally paranoid. Oh, and, uh- 玛蒂的疑心病还是很重还有Why- why are you here, Carol? 卡罗尔你来找我有什么事I'm pregnant. 我怀孕了Pregnant?! 怀孕she didn't leave in such a hurry after all 她似乎不急着离开Oh, I think this is the episode of Three's Company where 我猜这是《三人行》里there's some kind of misunderstanding. 他们有误会的那集...Then I've already seen this one! 那我果真看过这一集Are you through with that? 喝完没Yeah, sorry, the swallowing slowed me down. 真不好意思我咽得太慢了Whose little ball of paper is this?! 这是谁的小纸团Oh, uh, that would be mine. See, I wrote a note to myself, 应该是我的我写给自己一张便条and then I realised I didn't need it, so I balled it up and... 后来觉得不需要于是将它揉成纸团...now I wish I was dead. 于是我现在不想活了She's already fluffed that pillow... 那个枕头她已经拍过了Monica, you know,you've already fluffed that--but, it's fine! 莫妮卡你已经拍过了枕头了算了Look , I'm sorry, guys, 抱歉各位I just don't wanna give them any more ammunition 我只是不想给他们任何than they already have. 借题发挥的机会Yes, and we all know how cruel a parent can be 没错众所周知父母对孩子的枕头about the flatness of a child's pillow. 要求有多苛刻Monica? Hi! 莫妮卡Um, Monica, you're scaring me. 莫妮卡你吓到我了I mean, you're like, you're like all chaotic and twirly. 我是说你现在一副慌张失措的样子And not-not in a good way. 而且显得不是很好Yeah, calm down. 对啊放轻松You don't see Ross getting all chaotic and 每次他们来时从没见twirly every time they come. 罗斯露出慌张的样子That's because as far as my parents are concerned, Ross can do no wrong. 因为在我爸妈心目中罗斯不可能犯错Y'see, he's the Prince. 他是个王子Apparently they had some big ceremony before I was born. 显然他们在我出生前有个大型仪式What? 什么Ugly Naked Guy got a thigh-master! 丑裸男搞了个健腿器Has anybody seen my engagement ring? 有人见我订婚戒指了吗Yeah, it's beautiful. 有挺漂亮的Oh God, Oh God, Oh God, Oh God, Oh God, Oh God, Oh God. 天哪天哪天哪天哪No, look, don't touch that! 嘿不要动它们Oh, like I wasn't dreading tomorrow enough, 还嫌我现在不够恐慌害怕吗having to give it back to him... 明天就得还他戒指了'Hi Barry! Remember me? I'm the girl in the veil 巴瑞记得我不我是那个身穿婚纱who stomped on your heart in front of your entire family!' 当着你全家人的面让你颜面无存的女孩Oh God and now I'm gonna have to return the ring, 天啊如今我要去把戒指还给他without the ring, which makes it so much harder... 结果戒指没了这是要逼死我啊Easy Rach, we'll find it. Won't we! 别急瑞秋我们会找到的对不Oh! Yeah! 是呀没错Alright, when do you have it on last? 最后一次戴是在什么时候Doy! Probably right before she lost it! 呆子大概是在丢失之前咯You don't get a lot of 'doy' these days... 这年头说"呆子"的人还真不多I know I had it this morning, 我今天早上还戴着呢and I know I had it when I was in the kitchen with... 我记得当时我正在厨房...Dinah? 和黛娜一起吗Ohhhhh, don't be mad... 别生气You didn't? 你不是吧Oh, I am sorry... 哦对不起I gave you one job! 我就让你做了这么一件事情Oh, but look how straight those noodles are! 不过这面条煮得还真直Now, Monica, you know that's not 莫妮卡你明白的how you look for an engagement ring in a lasagne... 在千层面中找订婚戒指不是这个样子找的I just...can't do it. 我办不到Boys? We're going in. 伙计们动手吧Wow. That is not a happy hi. 听语气不怎么开心啊Carol's pregnant. 卡罗尔怀孕了Ooh! I found it! 我找到了W-w-wh-...wha-...w-w-w-... 什么啥怎么什么Yeah. Do that for another two hours, 保持这个状态两小时you might be where I am right about now. 你就会变成我现在这样了Kinda puts that whole pillow thing in perspective, huh, Mon? 如此一来就不用操心枕头的事了对吧Well now, how-how do you fit into this whole thing? 那现在你现在要怎么办Well, Carol says she and Susan want me to be involved, 卡罗尔说她和苏珊想让我也参与进来but if I'm not comfortable with it, I don't have to be involved... 但是我对此感觉很不自在我不想掺和basically it's totally up to me. 一切由我做决定She is so great! I miss her. 她人好好我真想念她What does she mean by 'involved'? 她所谓的"参与"是什么意思I mean presumably, the biggest part of your job is done. 我觉得最大部分的工作你已经完成了Anyway, they want me to go down to this- 总之她们要我明天一起去sonogram thing with them tomorrow. 做超声波检查So what are you gonna do? 你打算怎么做I have no idea. 我也不知道No matter what I do, though, I'm still gonna be a father. 不管我怎么做我都要当爸爸了...Well, this is still ruined, right? 面已经被搅乱了不是吗Oh, Martha Ludwin's daughter is gonna call you. 玛莎·卢德文的女儿会打电话给你Mmm! What's that curry taste? 怎么会有咖哩味Curry. 那就是咖喱I- I think they're great! I, I really do. 我觉得挺很好吃真的Do you remember the Ludwins? 你还记得卢德文一家人吗The big one had a thing for you, didn't she? 他家的大女儿挺喜欢你对不They all had a thing for him. 他们家的女儿都喜欢他Aw, Mom... 别这样妈I'm sorry, why is this girl going to call me? 抱歉她为何要打电话给我Oh, she just graduated, and she wants to be something in cooking, 她刚毕业想找份烹饪的工作or food, or...I don't know. 或是做饭啥的我也不清楚Anyway, I told her you had a restaurant- 总之我告诉她你开了一家餐馆No Mom, I don't have a restaurant, 不妈我没开餐馆I work in a restaurant. 我是在餐厅工作Well, they don't have to know that... 他们不需要知道这个Ross, could you come and help me with the spaghetti, please? 罗斯能过来帮我做意大利面吗- Yeah. - Oh, we're having spaghetti! -好 -我们要吃意大利面呀That's...easy. 太简单了I know this is going to sound unbelievably selfish, 我知道这样要求过于自私but, were you planning on bringing up the whole baby/lesbian thing?你能提一下孩子和女同性恋的事吗Because I think it might take some of the heat off me. 因为那样好歹能让我稍稍喘口气What that Rachel did to her life... 瑞秋最近闯了那么大的祸We ran into her parents at the club, 我们在俱乐部遇见她父母they were not playing very well. 他们很不开心I'm not gonna tell you what they spent on that wedding...我不会告诉你他们为婚礼耗费了多少钱but forty thousand dollars is a lot of money! 但是四万块可是不少钱呢Well, at least she had the chance to leave a man at the altar...至少她曾拥有过把男人丢在教堂圣坛的机会What's that supposed to mean? 这话算什么意思Nothing! It's an expression. 没什么表达一下亲情No, it's not. 不才不是呢Don't listen to your mother. 别听你妈的You're independent, and you always have been! 你独立自主而且一直都这么独Even when you were a kid... 就连你小时候也一样and you were chubby, and you had no friends, 那时你胖嘟嘟一个朋友也没有you were just fine! 你还是活得好好的And you would read alone in your room, and your puzzles... 你会独自待在自己房间里看书玩拼图Look, there are people like Ross who need to shoot for the stars,而像罗斯这种人却注定要做人中之龙的with his museum, and his papers getting published. 在博物馆工作发表论文Other people are satisfied with staying where they are- 其他人则安逸于现状I'm telling you, these are the people who never get cancer. 告诉你这些人绝不会得癌症哦...And I read about these women trying to have it all, 我曾读过一些女性也试图想拥有一切and I thank God 'Our Little Harmonica' doesn't seem to have that problem.幸好咱家的小莫妮卡完全没有这种烦恼So, Ross, what's going on with you? 罗斯你最近怎么样Any stories? 有啥情况吗No news, no little anecdotes to share with the folks? 没有新闻八卦之类能和爸妈分享一下吗Okay! Okay. 好吧好吧Look, I, uh- I realise 听着我明白you guys have been wondering 你们一直想知道what exactly happened between Carol and me, and, 我和卡罗尔之间倒底出了什么事so, well, here's the deal. 事情是这样的Carol's a lesbian. 卡罗尔是同性恋She's living with a woman named Susan. 她现在和一个叫苏珊的女人住在一起She's pregnant with my child, 她还怀了我的孩子and she and Susan are going to raise the baby. 并打算和苏珊共同抚养And you knew about this?! 这些你居然全都知道Your folks are really that bad, huh? 你的爸妈真的很不怎么样啊Well, y'know, these people are pros. 你要知道他们特别专业They know what they're doing, 他们运筹帷幄they take their time, they get the job done. 慢慢部署最后总能达到目的Boy, I know they say you can't change your parents,... 常言道父母是无法交换的boy, if you could--I'd want yours. 如果可以我要你的父母Must pee. 我去尿尿Y'know, it's even worse when you're twins. 如果你是双胞胎情况会更惨- You're twins? - Yeah. We don't speak. -你是双胞胎 -对我们不往来She's like this high-powered, driven career type. 她是那种精力充沛事业心强的人What does she do? 她从事什么工作She's a waitress. 服务生All right, you guys, I kinda gotta clean up now. 好了各位我得打扫了Chandler, you're an only child, right? 钱德勒你是独生子对吧- You don't have any of this. - Well, no, -你就没这些困扰 -没有although I did have an imaginary friend, 不过我有个想像中的朋友who...my parents actually preferred. 而我爸妈比较喜欢他The lights, please... 帮我关灯...How long was I in there? 我刚在里面多久了I'm just cleaning up. 我在做打扫Do you...uh...do you need any help? 那么你你需要帮忙吗Uh...okay, sure! Thanks! 好呀谢了Anyway...um... 总之So, you- uh- you nervous about Barry tomorrow? 明天要见巴瑞紧张吗Oh...a little... 有一点A lot. 很紧张So, got any advice? 有什么建议吗Y'know, as someone who's recently been- dumped? 作为一个刚刚被甩的人Well, you may wanna steer clear of the word'dumped'. 你应该避免用"甩"这个字眼Chances are he's gonna be this, this brokenshell of a man, y'know,因为现在他很有可能正痛不欲生so you should try not to look too terrific, 而你也不该显得如此光艳照人I know it'll be hard. 我知道这一点很难做到Or, y'know, uh, hey! I'll go down there, 这样吧我替你去一趟and I'll give Barry back his ring, 把巴瑞的戒指还给他and you can go with Carol and Susan to the OB/GYN... 你陪卡罗尔和苏珊去做产科检查Oh, you've got Carol tomorrow... 你明天得见卡罗尔When did it get so complicated? 为什么会变得这么复杂啊Got me. 问倒我了- Remember when we were in high school together? - Yeah. -还记得我们在高中时吗 -记得I mean, didn't you think you were just gonna meet somone,那时我们难道不都认为自己会遇见一个人fall in love- and that'd be it? 坠入爱河然后厮守终生吗- Ross? - Yes, yes! -罗斯 -对没错Oh! Man, I never thought I'd be here... 没想到自己会沦落到这个地步Me either... 我也是Sorry I'm late, I was stuck at work. 抱歉我迟到了工作太忙There was this big dinosaur...thing...anyway. 忙着处理巨型恐龙什么的Ross, you remember Susan. 罗斯记得苏珊吗How could I forget? 我怎能忘得了Ross. 罗斯Hello, Susan. Good shake. Good shake. 你好苏珊她的手好有力So, uh, we're just waiting for...? 那么我们在等Dr. Oberman. 欧伯曼大夫- ...Dr. Oberman. Okay. And is he - She. -欧伯曼大夫他 -是女的She, of course, she- uh- 女的当然了那么她familiar with our...special situation? 了解我们的特殊状况吧Yes, and she's very supportive. 了解而且她非常支持Okay, that's great. 好太好了No, I'm- Oh. 不我不用Thanks. 谢了Ross? That opens my cervix. 罗斯那是用来打开我的子宫颈的Barry? 巴瑞Come in. 进来Are you sure? 不打扰吧Yeah! It's fine, it's fine. Robbie's gonna be here for hours. 没问题罗比得待在这儿好几个小时呢So, how are you doing? 最近好吗I'm- uh- I'm okay...You look great! 我还行你的气色好极了Dr. Farber, 范瑞柏医生- Jason Greenstein's gagging. - Be right there. -杰森·格林斯坦吐了 -马上到Be back in a sec. 我马上回来I dumped him. 我甩的他So, how's this all gonna work? 接下来会怎么样Y'know, with us? 我是说关于咱们仨Y'know, when, like, important decisions have to be made? 比方说某些重大的决定Give me a 'for instance'. 举个例子Well, uh, uh, I don't know, okay, okay, 好吧我也不知道好吧好吧how about with the, uh, with the baby's name? 比方说给孩子起名- Marlon. - Marlon? -马龙 -马龙If it's a boy, 如果是男孩的话Minnie if it's a girl. 如果是个女孩就叫米妮...As in Mouse? 跟米老鼠的女友同名As in my grandmother. 和我奶奶同名Still, you- you say Minnie, you hear Mouse. 不管怎样听到米妮还是想到米老鼠Um,how about, um...how about Julia? 对了叫朱莉亚怎么样Julia... 朱莉亚We agreed on Minnie. 我们决定用米妮Totally, um, uh, we agreed we'd spend the rest of our lives together. 很好我俩还曾决定共度一生呢Things change, roll with the punches. 世事难料见招拆招I believe Julia's on the table...? 茱莉亚可以作为备选吗Sorry about that. 真不好意思So. What have you been up to? 对了最近你过得如何Oh, not much. I-I got a job. 混得过去我刚找到工作Oh, that's great. 这太好了Why are- why are you so tanned? 你怎么晒得这么黑Oh, I, uh- I went to Aruba. 我去阿鲁巴了- Oh no. You went on our honeymoon alone? - No, -你独自一人去度蜜月了 -不是I went with, uh...Now, this may hurt. 我是和你也许会受伤- Me?! - No! -我吗 -不是I went with Mindy. 我和明蒂去的Mindy?! My maid of honour, Mindy?! 明蒂我的伴娘明蒂吗Yeah, well, uh, we're kind of a thing now. 对我们现在算是正式交往中Oh! Well...um, You've got plugs! 哦好吧你去做植发了Careful! They haven't quite taken yet. 小心点还没有固定得很好呢And you've got lenses! 你还配了隐形眼镜But you hate sticking your finger in your eye! 你不是讨厌将手指戳进眼里吗Not for her. 为了她就不同了Listen, I really wanted to thank you. 听我说我真的想谢谢你See, about a month ago, I wanted to hurt you. 一个月前我还想伤害你More than I've ever wanted to hurt anyone in my life. 这辈子我都从未如此想去伤害某个人And I'm an orthodontist. 我可是个牙医呢Wow. You know, you were right? 哇对啊你说得没错I mean, I thought we were happy. 我之前以为我们很幸福We weren't happy. 其实我们并不幸福But with Mindy,now I'm happy. 但和明蒂在一起现在我很幸福- Spit. - What? -吐掉 -什么Me. 说我啦Anyway, um, 算了I guess this belongs to you. 我想这个该还给你And thank you for giving it to me. 谢谢你将它送给我Well, thank you for giving it back. 好吧也谢谢你送还给我Hello! 喂Oh, please! What's wrong with Helen? 拜托海伦有什么不好Helen Geller? 海伦·盖勒I don't think so. 我不同意- It's not gonna be Helen Geller. - Thank you! -她不会叫海伦·盖勒的 -谢谢No, I mean it's not Geller. 不我是说她不姓盖勒What, it's gonna be Helen Willick? 难道她叫海伦·威利克No, actually, um, 不老实说we talked about Helen Willick-Bunch. 我们考虑用海伦·威利克·班奇Well, wait a minute, wha- why is she in the title? 等等为何名字里有她的份It's my baby too. 因为她也是我的孩子Oh, so funny, really? Um, I don't remember you making any sperm. 真搞笑啊我不记得你也贡献了精子Yeah, and we all know what a challenge that is! 我们都知道那是个极大的挑战All right, you two, stop it! 够了你们两个别吵了No no no, she gets a credit, 不功劳全让她抢了hey, I'm in there too. 拜托我也是当事人好吗Ross. You're not actually suggesting 罗斯你该不会想用Helen Willick-Bunch-Geller? 海伦·威利克·班奇·盖勒吧Cause I think that borders on child abuse. 因为我觉得这样很像虐待儿童Of course not, 当然没有I'm...suggesting Geller-Willick-Bunch. 我想用盖勒·威利克·班奇Oh, no, nonononono, 不行不行不行不行you see what he's doing? 你看出他的心思了吗He knows no-one's gonna say all those names, 他知道没人会叫全名的so they'll wind up calling her Geller, then he gets his way! 这样大家只会叫她盖勒他就此得逞My way?! You-you think this is my way? 我得逞你认为这样算得逞Believe me, of all the ways 相信我我这辈子都没想到I ever imagined this moment in my life being, 自己会沦落到这步田地this is not my way- y'know what? 这不是我想要的好吗Uh, um, this is too hard. I'm not, I can't do- 这太难了我不行我做不到Knock knock! How are we today? Any nausea? 有人在吗今天如何想呕吐吗- A little. - Yeah. - Yeah. -一点点 -想吐 -有点儿吧Well, I was just wondering about the mother-to-be, 好吧我只是想问问准妈妈but...thanks for sharing. 不过谢谢你们这么配合Uh, lie back... 躺好You- uh- y'know what, I'm gonna go. 那个我准备走了I don't- I don't think I can be involved 这件事太不寻常了in this particular thing right now. 我觉得自己没办法参与进来Oh, my God. 我的天啊Look at that. 看啊I know. 我知道Well? Isn't that amazing? 怎么样很神奇吧What are we supposed to be seeing here? 我们应该看到什么I don't know, but... 我不知道不过I don't know, but... [《星际迷航》]I think it's about to attack the Enterprise. 我觉得它似乎马上要去攻击企业号You know, if you tilt your head to the left, 如果你们把头稍微向左偏and relax your eyes, 两眼放空it kind looks like an old potato. 它的样子就像是一颗老土豆Then don't do that, alright? 那拜托不要那么看行吗Okay! 好Monica. What do you think? 莫妮卡你认为呢Wh- are you welling up? 你是不是热泪盈眶呀No. 不是You are, you're welling up. 你就是你热泪盈眶I'm not! 我没有You're gonna be an aunt. 你就要成为姑姑了Oh shut up! 闭嘴啦Hi, Mindy. Hi, it-it's Rachel. 喂明蒂喂我是瑞秋Yeah, I'm fine.I saw Barry today. 我很好我今天和巴瑞见面了Yeah, he told me. 对他告诉我了No,i t's okay. Really, it's okay 不没关系真的没事I hope you two are very happy, I really do. 我祝你们幸福快乐真心祝福Oh, oh, and Mind, y'know, if-if everything works out, 对了明蒂如果你们感情顺利and you guys end up getting married and having kids- 最后能结婚生子的话and everything- 那么I just hope they have his old hairline and your old nose.希望你的孩子有他的发际线和你的糟鼻子Okay, I know it was a cheap shot, 我知道这招很贱but I feel so much better now. 但我感觉棒极了第一季第二集老友记So no one told you life was gonna be this way 没人告诉你生活会是这样your jobs a joke, you're broke, 你滑稽的工作你的差劲your love life's D.O.A. 你半途而废的爱情It's like you're always stuck in second gear, 就像开车卡在二档And it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, 每日每周每月or even your year, but 甚至每年都是如此I'll be there for you, 大雨倾盆时when the rain starts to pour. 我会陪伴你I'll be there for you, 我会陪伴你like I've been there before. 像我以前那样I'll be there for you, 我会陪伴你'cause you're there for me too. 因为你也陪伴着我。

- Coffee. - Thank you.- Cappuccino. - Grazie.And a nice, hot cider for Monica.Thank you.Rach, why does my cinnamon stick have an eraser? That's why.Sorry.Chandler?Miss Tedlock, you look lovely today.May I say that is a very flattering sleeve length on you. Mr. Costilick would like you to stop by his office today. If it's about those prank memos,I had nothing to do with them, really.Hey, you guys!Chandler's coming and he has incredible news.So when he gets here, let's all act, like, you know Never mind. But it was gonna be really good.What's going on?So it's a typical day at work......and Big Al calls me into his officeand tells me he wants to make me processing supervisor. - That is great! - Congratulations!So I quit.Why?Why? This was a temp job.Chandler,you've been there for five years.I know, but if I took it,I'd be admitting that this is what I do.Was it a lot more money?Doesn't matter. I just don't want to bea guy who sits in his office until 12'o clock in the night... ...worrying about the WENUS.The "WENUS"?Weekly estimated net usage system.It's a processing term.Oh, that WENUS.What will you do?I don't know, that's the thing I don't know what I want to do.I just know I'm not going to figure it out working there.I have something you can do!I have this new massage client, Steve.Anyway, he's opening up a restaurant......and he's looking for a head chef.- Hi, there. -Hi.I know. You're a chef and I thought of you first.But Chandler's the one who needs a job right now,so....I just don't have a lot of chef-ing experience.Unless it's an all-toast restaurant.What kind of food is he looking for?He wants to do something eclectic.He's looking for someone who can create the entire menu. - Oh my God! - I know!So, what do you think?Thanks. Pheebs.- I just don't see myself in a big, white hat. -Ok.Oh, Monica! Guess what?Can you see my nipples through this shirt?No, but don't worry. I'm sure they're still there.Where are you going? Mr. suity manI have an appointment with Dr. Robert Pilman,career counselor-a-go-go!- I added the "a-go-go." - Career counselor?You guys all know what you want to do.I don't.You guys in the living room all know what you want to do. You have goals. You have dreams. I don't have a dream! You have goals. You have dreams. I don't have a dream! The lesser-known "I Don't Have a Dream" speech.I love my life! I love my life!"Brian's Song"!- The meeting went great? - So great!He showed me where the restaurant's gonna be.It's this, it's this cute little place on 10th Street.Not too big, not too small. Just right.Was it formerly owned by a blond woman and some bears? I'm cooking for him Monday night, kind of an audition. Phoebe, he wants you here.It's great for me. You can make yummy noises.- What are you gonna make? - Yummy noises.And Monica, what are you gonna make?I don't know. It's gotta so be great.I know what you can make! I know!You should make that thing with the stuff.You know that thing with the stuff?Okay, I don't know.Guys. Anyone know a good date place in the neighborhood? How about Tony's? If you finish a 32-ounce steak, it's free. Anyone know a good place if you're not dating a puma?- Who are you going out with? - Is this the bug lady?"I love you, Ross."Her name is Celia she's not a bug ladyand she's curator of insect at the museum.- What are you gonna do? - Go out to dinner......then bring her back to my placeand introduce her to my monkey.And he's not speaking metaphorically.So back to your place? You thinking maybe....Well, I don't know....I'm hoping....I'm telling you. That monkey is a chick magnet.She'll take one look at his cute, little faceand it'll seal the deal.Celia, don't worry. He's not gonna hurt you!Soothing tones.- Here, Marcel. - I can't stand this.- He's got his claws on my - Yeah, all right.Okay, try this salmon mousse.Good.Is it better than the other salmon mousse?- It's creamier. -Yeah? Well, is that better?I don't know. We're talking about whipped fish.I'm just happy I'm keeping it down.God, what happened to you?Eight and a half hours of aptitude tests......intelligence tests, personality tests, and what do I learn? "You're suited for data processingfor a large multinational corporation."That's so great! You already know how to do that.Can you believe it?Don't I seem like I should be doing something cool?I just always pictured myself doing something.... Something!Chandler, I know, I know.Hey, you can see your nipples through this shirt.Here you go. Maybe this will cheer you up.I had a grape about five hours ago,so I better split this with you.It's supposed to be small. It's a pre-appetizer.The French call it an amuse-bouche.Well, it is amusing.Hi, Wendy. Yeah, 8:00.What did we say, $10 an hour?Okay, great. All right, I'll see you then.$10 an hour for what?I ask one of the waitress from work, she's helping me. Waitressing?Of course I thought of you. But....- But.... - But, but....But it's just this night has to go just perfect, you know? Wendy's more of a professional waitress.And I'm maintaining my amateur statusso I can waitress in the Olympics.I don't mean to brag,I don't mean to brag,but I waited tables at Innsbruck in '76.Amuse-bouche?Talk to me.A weird thing happened on the train this morning Talk dirty.- Here? - Come on. Come on.Say something hot.What? What?Vulva.Vulva?I panicked, all right? She took me by surprise.But it wasn't a total loss. We ended up cuddling.You cuddled? How many times?Shut up. It was nice.I just don't think I'm a dirty-talking kind of guy.What's the big deal? Just say what you wanna do to her.Or what you want her to do to you.Or what other people might be doing to each other.I'll tell you what. Try something on me.Please be kidding.Why not?Just close your eyes and tell me what you'd like to be doing right now. Ok, I'm in my apartment....- Yeah, what else? - You're not there.- We're not having this conversation. - All right, I'll start.- Joey, please... - Come on, ready, look.Oh, Ross......you get me so hot. I want your lips on me now.- Now you say something. - I really don't think so.- You like this woman, right? - Yeah.- You wanna see her again, right? - Sure.If you can't talk dirty to me,how will you talk dirty to her?Now tell me you wanna caress my butt!Okay, turn around.I don't want you staring at me while I'm doing this.All right, I'm not looking. Go ahead.I want Okay, I want......to feel your hot, soft skin with my lips.There you go. Keep going, keep going.I want to take my tongue andSay it.Say it!run it all over your body...... until you're trembling withWith?- Funny story. - You're not gonna believe this.It's Ok, I was always rooting for you two kids to get together. Chandler, while you were sleeping,that guy from your old job called again.- Again? - And again and again and again.Hello. And again.Hey, Mr. Costilick. How's life on the 15th floor?Yeah, I miss you too.Yeah. It's a lot less satisfying to steal pens from your own home. That's very generous. But this isn't about the money.I need something more than a job.I need something I really care aboutThat's on top of the year-end bonus you metioned earlier?Your dream!Look, Al, I'm not playing hardball here, okay?This is not a negotiation. This is a rejection!No, no, no Stop saying numbers!I'm telling you, you've got the wrong guy!I'll see you Monday!Wow! It's huge! It's so much bigger than the cubicle.This is a cube!Look at this.You have a window!Yes, indeed-y. With a beautiful view ofLook! That guy's peeing!That's enough of the view. Check this out.Okay, sit down here.This is great.- You ready? - Yeah.Helen, could you come in here?Thank you, Helen. That'll be all.Last time I do that. I promise.Wendy, We had a deal.Yeah, you promised.Wendy! Wendy! Wendy!- Who was that? - Wendy bailed.I have no waitress.That's too bad. Bye-bye.Ten dollars an hour! Twelve dollars an hour!Mon, I wish I could,but I've made plans to walk around.Rachel. When you ran out on your wedding, I was there for you.I put a roof over your head!If that means nothing to you....Twenty dollars an hour.Done.Hello. Welcome to Monica's. May I take your coat?- Hi, Steve. - Hello, Monica.Hello, greeter girl.- This is Rachel. - Yeah, okay.Everything smells so delicious.I can't remember ever smelling such a delicious combination of Okay, smells.- It's a lovely apartment. - Thank you. Would you like a tour?I was just being polite, but all right.- What's up? - In the cab on the way over......Steve blazed up a doobie.What?- Smoked a joint, you know? Lit a bone. Weed, hemp, ganja - Ok. - Smoked a joint, you know? Lit a bone. Weed, hemp, ganja - Ok. I'm with you, Cheech.Is it dry in here?Let me get you some wine.I think we're ready for our first course too.These are rock shrimp ravioli in a cilantro ponzu sauce......with just a touch of minced......ginger.Well, smack my ass and call me Judy!- These are fantastic! - Gosh! I'm so glad you liked them.Like them? I could eat 100 of them!That's all there is of these......but in a few minutes, we'll serve some delicious onion tartlets. "Tartlets?""Tartlets.""Tartlets."Word has lost all meaning.Excuse me. Can I help you with anything?You know, I don't know what I'm looking for.Cool! Taco shells!They're like a little corn envelope, you know?- You don't wanna spoil your appetite. - Hey, Sugar-O's!You know, if you just wait another 6 1/2 minutesMacaroni and cheese! We gotta make this!- No, we don't. - Oh, okay.Sorry.Why don't you just have a seat here?- Give me the gummy bears. - No.- Give them to me. - We'll share.- No. Give me the bears. - Then you can't have any.- Give them to me! - It's not worth it!Bears overboard! They're drowning!Hey, fellas, grab onto a Sugar-O! Save yourselves!Help! Help, I'm drowning!- That's it! Dinner is over! - What! Why?Why?I've waited seven years for an opportunity like this......and you can't wait 4 1/2 minutes for a stupid tartlet? You don't wanna work for that guy like that.I know, I just thought that this was it.You get it. You're an amazing chef.Those yummy noises? I wasn't faking.So, how did it go with Celia?- I was unbelievable. - All right, Ross!I was the James Michener of dirty talk.It was the most elaborate filth you have ever heard.I mean, there were characters, plot lines,themes, a motif.At one point, there were villagers.And?By the time we finished all the dirty talk it was kind of late and we were kind of exhausted, so...- You cuddled. - Yeah, which was nice.Do you guys want to try to catch a late movie?Maybe, but shouldn't we wait for Chandler?Where the hell is he?Yes, friends, I know what time it is......but I'm looking at the WENUS and I'm not happy!Let me tell you something.You will care about it because I care about it.Got it? Good!How's this?Sorry. How about over here?That means it's working.- Does this hurt? - No.How about this?There you go!I'm gonna throw up!第一季第十五集So no one told you life was gonna be this wayyour jobs a joke, you're broke,your love life's D.O.A.It's like you're always stuck in second gear,And it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year, butI'll be there for you,when the rain starts to pour.I'll be there for you,like I've been there before.I'll be there for you,'cause you're there for me too.'cause you're there for me too.'cause you're there for me too.'cause you're there for me too.'cause you're there for me too.'cause you're there for me too.。