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Romantic love is one of the most enticing topics around. Just about every movie, TV show, and country-music song contains some element of romance. For many, romantic relationships are by far the most important in their lives.
浪漫的爱情是最迷人的一个话题。几乎所有的电影，电视节目，音乐和乡村音乐歌曲包含一些爱情元素。对许多人来说，浪漫关系是迄今为止在他们的生活中最重要的。
As a society, we long for intimacy. We grow up believing that if we "just meet the right person" we will be happy. This message is popularized by modern media. It is perhaps one of the most destructive messages around. Quentin Crisp says: "The consuming desire of most human beings is to deliberately plant their whole life in the hands of some other person. I would describe this method of searching for happiness as immature ..."
作为一个社会，我们长期的亲密。我们相信如果我们“仅仅满足人的权利”，我们会很高兴的。这个消息是由现代媒体推广。这也许是最具破坏性的消息。昆廷说：“脆的大多数人的消费欲望是故意的种植他们的整个生活在另一个人的手。我会形容这种方法寻找幸福是不成熟的……”
When we feel unhappy it is natural to start searching for the cause of our distress. There is nothing wrong with this, but it becomes a problem when we start searching outside of ourselves. We are taught that
当我们不开心的时候很自然地开始寻找我们的痛苦的原因。这没有错，但它成为一个问题，当我们开始搜索以外的自己。我们都知道
if we are happily "coupled" we won't have problems. It is therefore natural to blame our partner for our "aloneness." The consequences of this belief are enormously self-destructive.
如果我们是快乐的“耦合”我们不会有问题。责怪我们的“孤独的伙伴是很自然的。”这一信念的后果是巨大的自我毁灭。
Romantic love is exciting, but what happens when the romance wears off? Experts estimate that romantic sexual attractions last only 18 months to two years. Using love or sex as a drug will only prevent us from
reaching maturity. We do need excitement and stimulation and joy and intimacy. But in mature love we are concerned with our loved one's joy and fulfillment. The satisfaction comes not from our own immediate gratification, but from the joy of giving to the other person, and watching them grow and thrive.
浪漫的爱情是令人兴奋的，但是当爱情消失？专家估计，浪漫的性吸引力，最后只有18个月到两年。用爱和性作为药物只会阻止我们达到成熟。我们需要兴奋和刺激、欢乐和亲密。但在成熟的爱，我们关心的是我们所爱的人的快乐和满足感。满足不是来自我们自己的即时满足，但给人的快乐，看着他们成长。
If you are single, the best thing you can do to prepare for a life-long loving relationship is to work on getting your own needs met. The first thing to do is to start identifying what they are. For instance: you long for affection and need a hug. Have you thought of asking a friend to hug you? You will be amazed what will happen if you start asking people directly to meet your needs.
如果你是单身，你可以准备一个终身的爱的关系的最好的事情就是做你所需要的。要做的第一件事是开始确定它们是什么。例如：你长的感情和需要一个拥抱。你问一个朋友拥抱你的想法吗？你会惊讶，如果你开始问人们直接去满足你的需求会发生什么。
You will get some negative responses, but for the most part you will find that people are happy to help you.
你会得到一些消极的反应，但大部分你会发现人们很乐意帮助你。
Many of us were taught our needs are wrong. Our needs are not wrong. We get into difficulty when we try to meet our needs in indirect ways. It is not that we shouldn't enjoy the excitement of a new relationship or love interest; we get into difficulty when we think we will get all our needs met from this one "magical" person.
我们中的许多人被教导我们的需要是错的。我们需要的是没有错的。我们遇到困难时，我们尽量满足我们的需要，以间接的方式。这并不是说我们不应该享受新的关系或爱的兴趣的兴奋；我们遇到困难时，我们认为我们会得到所有满足我们的需要从这一“神奇”的人。
