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-What are you guys doing up? -Finishing the crossword. Do you know a six-letter word for "red"?Dark red.Wrong, but there's a connect-the-dots in here for you later. Hey,how about maroon?Yes! You are so smart!You guys are so cute.I know.See you in the morning.I love doing crossword puzzles with you.Me too.Now let's finish this and go to bed.Only one left.Three-letter word. Not dog,but....Cat.You are so smart!I love you.I love you too.The One with the Coprainystar压制iPod-MP4We still need a tip.All right. Hold on.I got it.Nickel.-How much do we need? -Couple of bucks.Okay,dime.You guys keep talking. This could take a while.Wait,look it!This is a police badge!Cool. But why would a cop come in here? They don't serve doughnuts. Could you discover the badge again? I can do better than that.I bet somebody's missing that badge.I should take it back. But at the police station......I'll check their 10 Most Wanted List.My friend's been number 11 forever. This could be her year!-Hey,you guys. -Hey,Joey.Is that my sweatshirt?Yes,it is. I'm sorry. I was cold. I hope it's okay.It's just that if you wear someone's sweatshirt......shouldn't it be your boyfriend's?And I'm not him.I'm sorry. I'll give it back.It's gonna be all smelling like Monica.Do I smell bad?You smell like a meadow.I'm sorry.What's with him?The last time Joey went to a meadow his mother was shot by a hunter. Look what I found. It's a police badge.What's that doing here? I don't see any doughnuts.Cops and doughnuts. Come on.If Chandler had said it you'd all be on the floor.Cops, doughnuts? Me?I still don't know.I want to make sure I bought the right couch, one that says... ..."Kids welcome here," but that also says... ..."Come here to me."What? You say that to kids?The "Come here to me" is, you know,for the ladies. Ross, honey, it's a nice couch, it's not a magic couch. Well,you picked a great couch.-Sign here, please. -Sure.The delivery charge is almost as much as the couch!That's ridiculous. He lives three blocks away.I'll take it myself. Thank you.All right, Rach, come on. Let's go.Are you kidding?Come on. It's only three blocks. It's not very heavy. Try it. Oh,I can do it.You two will really enjoy that couch.We're not together.Something didn't quite add up there.What's that supposed to mean?Well,you. Her.I mean,she's very......you know.And you're,like......you know?Not that it's any of your business, but we did go out. Really? You two?I don't want to do this now. I'm carrying a heavy couch.Then tell him quickly.Fine. We went out.Not only did we go out......we did it 298 times!You kept count? You are such a loser!A loser you did it with 298 times!Excuse me,ma'am. You can't put your cigarette out on a tree. Yeah,I can. It worked well.But you shouldn't. So don't ever do that again.I won't. Till I have my next cigarette.Hold it!N.Y.P.D. Freeze,punk!That's right. You are so busted.Book them.-Who are you talking to? -Save it,red!Apologize to the tree or spend the night in the slammer.I am not apologizing to a tree.You apologize to the tree right now or I am calling for backup. Backup! Backup!I'm sorry! Sorry!Okay,cancel backup! Cancel backup!Didn't you say there was an elevator in here?Yes,I did,but there isn't. Here we go!Don't you think we should rethink the whole hiring movers thing?No way. They're a rip-off.They check out your stuff and come back later and steal it.-It's true. I saw it on Dateline. -Oh，I love Dateline.Jane Pauley is the one woman I would kiss.-There's just something about her. -Rach,can we concentrate? Yeah,fine. I listened to your dumb story.Okay,go left.Left. Left.Okay,you know what? There's no more left left.Lift it straight up over your head.Straight up. You can do it!You can do it!Okay. You got it?-Go,go. -Good,good.You got it,right? You got it,right? You gotAny chance you think it looks good there?This guy was all:And I'm all, "Buffay! Homicide!"It was just so cool!-You were supposed to take it back. -I'm having fun doing good deeds. You can get arrested for impersonating a police officer.You could get arrested right now!I'd better take it back. I'm totally drunk with power.Yeah. I didn't know you guys would be here.-Do me a favor. Taste this. -What? Why?It's okay, Joe, she's a trained chef.Actually,I was looking for Phoebe.Well,you just missed her.Was that her?-I gotta go. -Joey,wait a minute. Wait.-What is with you? -Nothing.You're acting strange.All right. There is something.I kind of had a dream.But I don't want to talk about it.What if Martin Luther King had said that?I kind of have a dream.I don't want to talk about it.Look,it involved Monica.You had a dream about the girl I'm seeing? Cool.I dreamt about the girls he was seeing.Let's talk about your dream. I love you. Your dream?There was no sex. I haven't dreamt of her like that......since I found out about you two. More or less.What was the dream about?You were my girlfriend. We were doing the crossword puzzle. Like you did last night.That's it. I'm in love with Monica. I'll move out.Joey, come on. That doesn't mean you're in love with me.It doesn't?It could mean anything. Like......you're jealous that I've become the apartment stud.Sounds like your dream.Or it could mean you saw Chandler and me being close and stuff... ...and you want that too.In the dream I did enjoy the closeness.If that's what it was,that'd be great. I wouldn't have to move.Are you attracted to Monica?Right here,right now, are you attracted to her?-Not really. -There you have it!Well,sure! I'm just wearing sweats!But that's good!You're not in love with me. You just want a girlfriend.It's not just about getting a girlfriend.I could get a girlfriend. We could sit and do crossword puzzles. But could we have the closeness like you have?Monica and I were friends before we dated. Maybe that's it. Friends first?That's interesting.-You become friends after? -No,never done that either.Do you guys have a tape measure?Yeah. It's actually in my bedroom.That's right.What's up,Joey?How you doing?Excuse me. Is this your car?Don't park here. You're blocking the entrance.Don't worry. It's not a problem.It's a problem for me, so it's a problem for you, because I'm a cop. So am l.完了Okay. So you're a cop. You can park anywhere.I know,because I'm a cop too.Keep up the good work. 10-4.Wait. So, what precinct are you with?I'm with the 57th.-I know a guy in Homicide up there. -I'm in Vice.In fact,I'm undercover right now. I'm a whore.Who else is in Vice there?Do you know......Sipowicz?Sipowicz? I don't think so.Yeah. Sipowicz. Yeah. Big guy, kind of bald.I don't know him.Don't try to call him. He's not there. He's out.His partner just died.Tell Sipowicz I'm real sorry for his loss.I sure will. Take care.By the way, I'm sure Sipowicz will be all right.I heard that kid from Silver Spoons is really good.Where'd you find my badge?Could you give me and Ross a hand moving his couch?I'd love to,but I got acting class. But you know what?I guess I could blow that off. For you.Let me ask you something. I was talking with Monica and Chandler. Boy,they are really tight.I know.That's not a bad situation they got there.Think I'll get me one of those.What's up,Joe?I think Monica and Chandler are so great......because they were friends first.So I asked myself,who are my friends? You and Phoebe.I saw you first,so....-What are you saying? -Maybe you and I crank it up a notch.You know,honey......as flattered as I am......that you saw me first......I just don't think we should be cranking anything up.I'll treat you real nice.Yeah. Well,you know....I think it's a great idea to become friends with someone before you date. But the way you do it is you meet someone, become their friend... ...build a foundation, then ask them out on a date.Don't hit on your existing friends.Won't that take longer?Oh,but once you find it......it's so worth the wait.I understand.Good.Man,I wish I saw Phoebe first.Come here to me.No,no. You come here to me.-I brought reinforcements. -Great! You brought Joey?The next best thing.You brought Chandler? The next best thing would be Monica!I would be offended,but Monica is freakishly strong,so....I drew a sketch of how we'll do it.Rach,that's you.That's the couch.What's that?That's me.Certainly think a lot of yourself.No. That's my arm.I see. I thought you just really, really liked your new couch. Just follow my lead.Come on,Chandler.-All right. -Okay.Here we go.All right. Ready?Turn!Turn!Turn!-I don't think we can turn any more! -I don't think it'll fit! Yeah,it will. Come on! Up,up,up!Up! Yes!Here we go! Pivot!Pivot!Pivot!Pivot!Pivot!Pivot!Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!I don't think it'll pivot any more.You think?All right,let's bring it back down and try again.I think it's really stuck now.-I can't believe that didn't work. -I know. Me neither.I mean,you had a sketch.What did you mean when you said "pivot"?Man,I cannot figure this out.Yeah, because it's not 1985.You guys,guess what? I ditched a cop.-What? -What do you mean?He caught me using his badge and he tried to bust me.Damn real cops!How far did he chase you?Well,he didn't really. He just picked up his badge and stood there. Maybe we'll see you on World's Most Boring Police Chases.-Why did you run? -I had to.You know, impersonating a cop is like a Class E felony.Two to four years minimum. I am not going back to that hellhole. If I can just get it to pivot......we'll be back on track.-Rach,can I get some help please? -Yeah.Turn it off! Turn it off!Maybe the firemen can help us move the couch when they get here. -Wait,wait,wait. -It's a new couch! It's a new couch!How's it going? Make any new friends?Yeah. I met this woman.What's she like?Well,she's......really good in bed.-You were going to be friends first. -Hey,it's all your fault. Why?You didn't give me advice. You gave me a pickup line.I told her I wanted to build a foundation and be friends first. Suddenly, through no fault of my own, I became irresistible to her! And her roommate.What about the closeness?Closeness, schmosness. There was three of us, for crying out loud! Who wants pizza?I do! I do! I do!This is great! Can you believe I found it on the second floor?-Who is it? -N.Y.P.D.Oh,my God!Just a minute,officer!-I'm looking for Phoebe Buffay. -My God,it's him! It's that cop!-I can't believe he found me! -Are you gonna go to jail?If I go down, you guys go down with me.Harboring a fugitive? That's one to three years minimum.Good luck, Chandler.Arrest me, but you'll never make it stick and you know it.I have no choice,it's my job. You understand, right?And you understand that I'm calling my lawyer.And once he puts you on the stand, he'll make you look like a fool!I don't like looking foolish.Maybe I don't arrest you today. Maybe I came by and you weren't here.I'd love it if I weren't here!Since you're not going to jail tonight, I was wondering if you'd......Iike to go to dinner with me?-Me? -Yeah.Ever since you flashed my badge I can't stop thinking about you.You're the prettiest fake undercover whore I've ever seen.Nice.I didn't see that coming. You're asking me out.I could've done it better, but these people keep staring at me.I'd like to go out with you, officer.-Gary. -Gary.-Okay, so it's a date. -Yeah.I gotta ask you, though. How'd you know where to find me?You're fingerprints were all over my badge so I just ran it through the computer. And this was listed as your last known address so I just checked it out.Impressive.Not as impressive as you. I looked at your record and you've done some pretty weird stuff. We'll talk at dinner.-So I'll come by and pick you up? -All right,I can't wait.Don't worry, I won't just take you out for doughnuts.He has a gun!I'd like to return this couch. I'm not satisfied with it.You wanna return this couch?It's cut in half.-That's what I'm telling you. -Did you cut this couch in half?It's crazy, it is cut in half.I don't understand.This couch is cut in half.I would like to exchange it for one that is not cut in half.We can't accept it in this condition.Well,I can't accept it in this condition.You're saying this couch was delivered to you like this?Look,I'm a reasonable man.I will accept store credit.I'll give you store credit in the amount of four dollars.I will take it.。
Pick a card.All right. Now,memorize it.-You got it? -Oh, yes.Is that your card?Yes.-Hey,guys. -Hi there!Guess what. Ben is gonna be in a TV commercial.What are you talking about?It's not for sure,but......we met this guy in the park who thought Ben was cute.You know,which he is. He gave us his card......and told us to bring him for this commercial he's auditioning.This guy's the biggest commercial casting director in town!Ben takes one lousy walk in the park and gets an audition?I mean, way to go, Ben!I've been in that park a million times and no one's offered me an audition. It's crazy. We were pushing Ben on the swingsI'm always on the swings!What am I doing wrong?That.The One Where Rachel Smokes23Since you work at Ralph Lauren, can you get me some shirts?I don't know if I'd feel comfortable stealing on my very first day. Unwilling to steal from work.Interesting.If anybody gets free stuff, it's me.Okay,guys,way to wish me luck.Go get 'em!Let's discuss Rachel's birthday.I say we throw a surprise party this weekend.But her birthday's not for another month.If we throw her party on her birthday, it's not a surprise.Great! We can have a dinner party and just invite her close friends. Ross! We're having a surprise party for Rachel.Done.Great. Wanna do it together?I'd love to do it together!They're gonna do it together.That's my girlfriend.So I gotta shut it down now?I gotta go. I'm picking up Ben......and then we're off to the big audition.It's gonna be weird seeing some actor pretending to be Ben's dad. Weirder than seeing his two moms make out?Dad? There's a dad in the commercial?Yeah. The dad and Ben eat soup and pretend to enjoy it.Maybe I'll go with you and audition as the dad.Who better to play Ben's father than his godfather?-You're not his godfather. -What?Are you kidding?Of course I am.-Okay, let's go, godfather. -All right!They're gonna let me audition!Really? That's great!One of the casting ladies has actually seen me in a play.So I steered clear of her.And the other one,I know from....Well,you know.-That kid looks familiar. -Oh,yeah.He's done tons of commercials. I've seen him in Sugar Smacks, PlayStation... ...and that one for the phone company.He was so good,he convinced me to switch phone companies.Chandler was mad.He's not gonna get this one. Ben is way cuter than that kid.I mean, look at him.That's great.Wouldn't it be great if I got to play Ben's dad?You look nothing like Ben.I look more like him than you do.I really don't know you well enough for you to do that.So it's down to these two. Nancy,I know you like this one.I think I agree. Rachel,what do you think?Well, that one is pretty......but I just love this fabric.Sorry.Don't be. Part of your job is to give your opinions.Then I take credit for them. I'm kidding!She is kidding. But don't ever disagree with her again.Okay,now I'm kidding!What a fun office.I don't know which one. But I do know I need a cigarette.Let's take a break, go outside and sort this out when we return.-You smoke? -No.My dad's a doctor. And he would always tell me horror stories....About ghosts and goblins......who totally supported the princess' right to smoke.And then they came back from smoking and they'd made all of the decisions. -That's not fair. -I know.It's like I'm being punished for not having this disgusting, poisonous habit. Yeah, it is the best.What if this keeps happening?They'll be smoking, making the decisions......and I'll be up in my office breathing in my stupid clean air.And when Kim wants to promote one of us......who do you think she'll pick? Me or Smokey Smokerson?We used to have a smoking area at work.It was great. There was this big flowerpot with dirt in it.We used to put our cigarettes out in it.One of the old-timers told me there used to be a little tree in there.You can go down there and not smoke. Say you want some fresh air.I could do that.Or you could do the easy thing and smoke.You gotta take long, deep drags.Wow,I still don't have my lung capacity back yet.Rach, do you wanna go get coffee?-I would love to. -Oh,good.I'm gonna go too.Oh,good.Oh,I changed my mind.Let's talk about the party. I have so many ideas.Me too!Oh,look at that.This is a little sketch of the cake. See?Some sample menus.I thought we'd start with a Tuscan-style finger food.And for music, here's an alphabetized list of all of my CDs. I've highlighted the ones that'll go with the food.-What about the intimate dinner party? -We're not doing that. Looks like you took care of everything. Thanks a lot,cohost. Wait a minute. There's plenty of things for you to do.Like what?Cups.You're giving me cups?And ice.Cups and ice? I get to be in charge of cups and ice?All right.Fine. I will be in charge of cups and ice.-I can get ice at the restaurant -I got it!-How did the audition go? -Not so good.Wait a minute. Are you doing Joey's:"The audition didn't go so well.... Yeah,it did"?Yeah,I am!-Yeah,Ben got a second audition. -That's great!I had to teach Ross my bit because I actually didn't get a callback. You got a callback too, didn't you?Yeah,I did!What are you doing out here?It got kind of lonely up there, so I thought I would come out here... ...and get some fresh air.We're discussing the fall collection.Oh,great.Anyway,we really-Sorry. We're smoking all over you. -That's okay.We'll move. You stay there.I sent the designs to Ralph. He was excited about it.That's great! You are the best!Excuse me. Can I bum one of those?Actually, this one's....What's so funny over here?I thought you didn't smoke.You know,I thought you guys meant marijuana cigarettes.You know what I mean? Doobies?Actually,I thought to myself, "Those guys are crazy!"But no,I smoke the regular ones all the time.We get high.Me too.I'm kidding.Me too.Oh,God! This is so nerve-racking. How do you do this?Fortunately,I don't get many callbacks, so....Is it a good sign that they asked us to wait?Who knows?We have narrowed it down to Raymond, Ben, Kyle......and Joey. The rest of you,thank you.Yes! I knew it!Bye-bye.So long.Later.I'm not married to him anymore. He's my ex-husband. I'm totally gay! This is great! I might get to play Ben's dad.Actually,that can't happen.Because you have such different looks......we're putting you with Raymond and Kyle with Ben.So it'll either be you two or you two.-This is gonna be kind of weird. -Yeah,it is.Yeah. It's gonna be weird.No. We're like best friends. That's why it's weird.I thought we were just talking.If Ben gets this commercial, do you think you can get me some free soup? Chandler, a can of soup is like 60 cents.Yeah, okay,but I have been supporting a 29-year-old ltalian for five years.Is it okay if I leave this here till Rachel's birthday party?-Sure. What's in them? -Cups.Good, because we got Rachel 800 gallons of water.That's a lot of cups.I'm in charge of cups and ice.And Monica's gonna rue the day she put me in charge of cups and ice. You know,I rued the day once. Didn't get a whole lot else done. Okay, time to bring up the rest of the cups.乔伊菲比Ross, I'm glad you're here.-I want to talk to you. -What's up?I've been thinking about this commercial thing. Me against Ben.The two of us competing. That can't lead to anything good.I think I'm just gonna step aside. I'll tell them that I won't audition. Joey, that's great. Thanks,man.That's it?You're gonna let me do this? It's my career we're talking about!But you justI just said that so you wouldn't let Ben do it.If anyone should step aside, it should be Ben.-What? -Chandler,tell him!Well, let me get the door first.Hi,no one!Why should Ben step aside?It was his audition in the first place. You tagged along.You're like the tagalong dad!At least I care about his feelings.What?You know how hard it'll be on him when he doesn't get it? And why wouldn't he get it?Come on!Have you seen what my kid can do?He dials phones, he eats tortilla chips.He plays soccer with the cartoon tiger!Are you saying your kid eats soup better than my kid? You just give him a spoon,baby.Oh,yeah? I guess we'll see!This commercial belongs to me and Mitch!-Your kid's name is Raymond! -Yeah? So is yours!（中央咖啡馆）-How did work go? -lt was great.I went down there like you said. And we talked business. And Kim took my opinions.You stink!-Thanks. -No,I'm serious.That's because I went down there and they were smoking. This is actually the smell of success.But there's something differentOh,my God! You smoked!I did not.Yes, you did. You look happy and sick. You smoked!All right, fine! But I had to. I had to do it for my career.I wish I had to smoke for my career.But it's so gross!It's not that bad, you know?Yeah,my tongue feels a little fuzzy and my fingers sort of smell.I actually feel like I could throw up.-Can you hear yourself? -I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.I'm not myself. I smoked like half a pack.I feel a little shaky and a little weird.But you gotta push past this, okay? Because it's about to get so good. 钱德You smell so smoky, I gotta get up.I'm not kidding.I think you smell great.So we're decided. No on plaid, yes on pink.Absolutely.I'm so onboard.-Didn't you just light that? -Yeah.But you know what?I'm just really,really trying to cut back, you know.Good luck, Rach.I've been thinking about quitting.Every Sunday night, I tell myself I'm quitting.Every Monday morning, it's like:Tell me about it.We'll just quit. Let's all quit!It sounds appealing.-I never could do it. -But you could. Absolutely.We can help each other. We could get those patches.We could be like the Patch Sisters.You know,we really should quit. Okay, let's quit!Great! Give me those cigs. Come on!Give it! Out. Done. Quit.My late husband gave me that lighter.I'm not kidding.Okay,then.Mmm...soup.Mmm...soup.Mmm...soup.Joey, Ross is gonna be here any second, would you mind watching Ben for me while I use the ladies' room?-No problem. -Thanks.嗨，班So you want to be an actor? I gotta tell you, it's no picnic.There's tons of rejection. No stability.I mean,one day, you're Dr. Drake Ramoray.The next day,you're eating ketchup out of the bottle.It's a tough life. I mean, sure, you can get up whenever you want......watch TV all day......meet tons of women in acting class....Oh, who am I kidding. I can't talk you out of this. It's a great life.-Joey. -Ross.Ben.I mean,Ben. Ben.Raymond, Joey, you're up.So here's what....Are you sure that I haven't seen you somewhere before?No, I haven't been in any plays.All right,let's try one. Whenever you guys are ready.Is there a problem?Well,this is noodle soup. And I've been working with tomato.But that's okay. No problem.Mmm...noodle soup.You know,that's fine. But the line is,"Mmm...soup."-What'd I say? -"Mmm...noodle soup."How's that different?对…All right. Let's try one.Mmm......noodle soup.Let's do it again.Mmm...soup.I mean, noodle soup. I mean, soup!Come on!You know what? We need to move on.No,I could do it one more time.Look.Mmm...noodle soup.Damn it!So I think that if we get these samples into the magazine by Monday,we'll be fine.Sounds good. So, Rach, how you doing?-I'm great! -No, with the not-smoking thing.Kill me now.Let me tell you something, I ate 40 Mallomars today.I mean, I have patches all over my body, you know?-I mean,I haven't slept in two days. -We quit yesterday.That's counting today.But anyway, so these samples,I thinkOh,my God!I'm so sorry, I forgot. I have to go to the mailroom and mail some proofs.Go ahead. Rachel and I will just sit here and keep brainstorming.Also,Vogue called. And they were wonderingYou know what? I'm a little hungry. I'm just gonna run down to the vending machines. All right.Busted!Come on! What are you doing? I thought we were the Patch Sisters.That didn't work out.Wait a minute. What about all we've talked about?You know,the disgusting place, the ugly people.Hey,how you doing?We tried to quit. But it was too hard.If you started smoking again, you could have at least told me.Give me one of those. What are we talking about?No! You're doing great! Don't you give up.That's why we didn't tell you, and we won't drag you down.Wait. No,no. Drag me down.Forget it. We're so proud of how well you're doing.I won't let you blow it. If I catch you, you're fired.Go on,get out of here. I don't want you breathing this stuff.So, okay. You'll come with me on the Paris trip?Oh,man!Check it out. Cup hat, cup banner......cup chandelier, and the thing that started it all: the cup!Great job with the cups.Why don't you just go out with her?Did you notice the ice? Look!We have it all. We have crushed, cubed and dry. Watch.Mystical.Everyone-no one's eating my Tuscan finger food. Because they're all filling up on Phoebe's snow cones!There are snow cones?Snow cones! Yuck!-Go,go! Right there! -Thank you.菲比？-You really did do a nice job. -Thank you......for stating the obvious.I deserve that.I just want you to know that if we ever cohost a party together again...-...you can do whatever you want. -Joey's got a birthday coming up.-Really? What do you wanna do? -Okay,I'd like to be in charge of beer.Well,then there's nothing left for me.-Look,look! -Surprise!What? My birthday is not for another month.That's the surprise.Oh,my God, you guys! This is so great! It's so unexpected.I mean,Chandler's birthday is even before mine.Surprise!This is so great! Look at all these......cups.This is so weird.I was in charge of cups.Oh,okay. Not so weird.-Chandler, what are you doing? -Nothing.-What's in your hand? -Money. I'm stealing all the money.Chandler.But just one, okay? Because nobody knows when my birthday is.Let me make this clear to you,okay?It's either that......or this.They were menthol.Listen, man. I'm sorry the audition didn't go well.Yeah, right.No, really. I am, Joey. I feel bad.Look, Ross. You don't have to,okay?It's not your fault I suck.What kind of an actor can't even say, "Mmm...noodle soup"?You know what? Maybe you didn't mess up your audition because you suck. Maybe you messed up because you care more about your godson.What do you mean?I think, subconsciouslyYou lost me.I think,on some level, you sabotaged......your own audition so Ben would get the part.Your way sounds a lot better than mine.It's not that I'm a bad actor.No,it's just that I care so damn much about little Ben... ...that it was more important for me to see him succeed.-There you go. Thank you. -Thank you.-So did he get it? -No.What are you gonna do?Excuse me, is Rachel Green here? I'm meeting her for lunch. She doesn't come down anymore. You can find her up on 10. Okay,great.So we talked about the presentation.He wondered if one person would be enough.And I said, "Yeah,absolutely."I'll catch you guys later.453。
Chandler! Chandler!I saw what you were doing in the window!I saw what you're doing to my sister! Get out here! Listen,we had a good run.What was it? Four,five months?That's more than most people have in a lifetime. Goodbye. -What are you doing? -I am going on the lam.Come on,Chandler. I can handle Ross.Hold on!Hey,Ross. What's up,bro?What the hell are you doing?What's going on?I think Ross knows about me and Monica.Dude,he's right there.I thought you were my best friend! This is my sister!My best friend and my sister! I cannot believe this!We're not just messing around. I love her.I'm in love with her.I'm so sorry that you had to find out this way.I'm sorry, but it's true. I love him too.My best friend and my sister!I cannot believe this!You guys want to probably get some hugs in too. Big news! We've actually known for a while.What? You guys knew?You all knew and you didn't tell me?We were worried about you. We didn't know how you were going to react. You were worried about me?You didn't know how I'd react?Okay. All right.Let's clear out of here and let these lovebirds get back to business.I'm just talking here. He's the one doing your sister.The One With the Girl Who Hits Joey34You know what I just realized?If you guys have kidsWe're having kids?I call godfather!You can't just call godfather.Shouldn't her brother be godfather?Sure. If you cared enough to call it first.-You're a few steps ahead of us. -Big zero gravity moon steps.I just thought of the greatest wedding gift.I'll go in on that with you. I couldn't decide.Hey,Katie.This is Katie.You ready to go?I'll run to the bathroom.Where's lunch?I was thinking Chinese food.I love Chinese!How did you know I love Chinese?She is so cute.You could fit her in your pocket.She could fit in that little pocket inside the pocket.I don't know. I like her a lot, and she's really nice,but....But what?She keeps punching me.In the cute,little sweet way she just did?It's a lot harder than it looks.She's hurting me.I know what you need. You need a bodyguard.What is Ben doing after preschool?Joey is having a problem. A little girl is beating him up. Joey,come here.Honey,I know. This must be really difficult for you,andI'm sorry,am I hurting you?I brought you some housewarming gifts.Salt, so your life always has flavor.Bread, so you never go hungry.And a scented candle for the bathroom.Because,well,you know.Thanks. Thanks. And thanks,I guess.Welcome. I'm Steve Cera, president of the tenants' committee. Ross Geller. And this is my friend Phoebe.Mr. President.I came to talk to you about Howard.He is the handyman who's retiring next week.Everyone who lives here is kicking in $100 as a kind of a thank you. That's nice.Yeah. So, do you want to give me a check?Not now. You can slip it under my door.No,it's not that.I just moved in.Well,the guy's worked here for 25 years.Yes,but I've lived here for 25 minutes.Okay,I get it.Wait! Look, I'm sorry, it's just I've never even met Howard.I mean, I don't know Howard.Howard's the handyman.Yes,but to me,he's just "man."Okay. Fine. Whatever.Welcome to the building.Can you believe that guy?I really like his glasses.So then President Steve told everyone I was a cheapskate......and now the whole building hates me.A little kid spit on my knee.And told me to wipe it off with my $100 bill.You really should wipe it off with something.You know what?I'll throw a party. For everyone in the building.And I'll sit them all down and explain that I am not a bad guy.I am not a cheap guy. I'm just a guy......who stands up for what he believes in.A man with principles.Sounds like a fun party.If you want them to like you, why don't you just pay the $100?The party will cost you more.That doesn't matter!It's my principles! We're talking about my principles!I thought it was about your neighbors liking you.They'll like me once they come to my awesome party.I gotta get some nametags.And that crazy party animal will be your brother-in-law.Very funny. But don't say that to Monica.Don't put any ideas in her head.You do realize that those ideas are probably already in Monica's head? Why?Well,because she loves you and because you love her.Yeah,so? What's that supposed to mean?Don't freak out! I'm telling you something you already know.She left Richard because he didn't want to have babies.And she is a woman. And she's almost 30. And, you know, it's Monica.I don't see it that way. I see two Monicas.My friend who lives across the hall and wants a lot of babies.And the new Monica who I started to date.Now,who is to say what she wants?I'm right.Am I right?Oh,absolutely.I'm completely different from Richard.He's an eye doctor, and I don't wear glasses.You're right.You're absolutely right. That makes everything different.It's not different,is it?Not unless different means "the same."You were so funny with that waiter. You're such a nut!You know,bread-stick fangs are always funny.No,you make them funny. You're the funny one!Look,Katie. Listen, we need to talk, okay?Look,I like you. I really do. I like you a lot.But sometimes when you playfully punch me like that......it feels like I'm being hit with a very tiny but a very real bat! Like I could hurt you.Are you making fun of my size?Don't make fun of me because of my size!Isn't this great?Couldn't you just stay like this forever?Couldn't you just stay here forever?Yeah, here, somewhere else. You know,wherever.Are you okay?I'm cool.Casual.What are you doing?Just hanging out. Having fun with the girl that I'm seeing casually.Man,I knew it! I knew you'd do this.What?Get all freaked out because everybody was joking about marriage! Well,you do want all that stuff,right?You know what I want?Yes! You want babies! You have baby fever!I do not have baby fever!You're obsessed with babies and marriage......and everything that's related to babies and marriage.Why don't we turn the heat down on this pressure cooker!Have you lost your mind?This isn't about me. This is about you and your weird commitment crap!I know you. I know the thoughts that you have in your head.You don't know everything.Did you know I'm going out with Rachel tonight instead of you?And that the only baby here is you?Did you know I can't even look at you now?I did not know that.It'll be okay, right? She won't leave me. This is fixable.-Yeah,sure. -Absolutely.By me?Unless you make some big gesture.Big,though.The missus!Gunther, can I get a coffee?To go.I still don't want to talk to you.Tell me how to make things right.That's what we do.I mess up,you tell me how to fix it and I do.And then you think I'm cute again.I'm really tired of being your relationship tutor.Figure this out for yourself.If you're afraid of a real relationship......then don't be in one.（欢迎）（罗斯）（盖勒博士）Howard! Howard! Howard!菲比？菲比Hi,Ross!What are you doing here?I thought this was your party, and it's a party for Howard.He's the sweetest little man.See you,Phoebe. And thanks for chipping in.Oh,sure.You chipped in?Yeah,$100.I can't believe you gave him money.I thought you agreed it was unreasonable that they asked me for that money. But they didn't ask me.I'm just the exotic,generous stranger. That's always fun to be.But you're making me look bad.No,I'm not! If anything, I'm making you look better.They'll see you talking to me. I'm a hit.Hey,Phoebe!Hey,Ross.Maybe you two could switch apartments.Because Phoebe is more our kind of people.Think about it.Okay,my bad.You look big.Thanks,I've been working out.Listen,is it obvious I'm wearing six sweaters?Yeah. But it's not obvious why.I'm breaking up with Katie, so I put on some extra padding.If she hits me when she is happy, can you imagine how hard she'll hit... ...when I take away the Joey love?Oh,right. I forgot that you call it that.Hey,cute jacket.Thanks.-That's so sweet! -Ouch!Did Joey tell you to say that? You guys are too much!You know what? I gotta tell you......I think you're the one that is too much.Joey has the nicest friends.And the nicest girlfriend.You're so sweet!You're so sweet!She just kicked me.Aren't you going to do something?Do something or I'll walk out that door right now.Are you going to?不要Phoebe?That's what I'm saying.Phoebe? Phoebe?This is a disaster. Can't I please just go?I'm talking you up to people.Give it some time, relax. Get something to eat.What did you tell them about me?I told them about you and Emily. Trying to get some sympathy.But you came off as the bad guy.Yeah, I think I told it wrong.We should talk about that because I don't understand what happened there. This cake is really good!Things are looking up.Oh,my God! Someone cut Howard's cake!Who would do a thing like that?3B.You got your free food. You ruined everyone's fun.Isn't it time you went home?Yeah, get out! Now!Go back to 3B,3B.Everyone,calm down! I have something that I'd like to say.Who here likes Ross?Of course you don't like him.He didn't give you any money.He raised his own hand when I asked, "Who likes Ross?"And he's wearing two nametags.I'll be honest. When I first met Ross, I didn't like him at all.Once I got to know him, I saw that he is really sweet......and caring and very generous.All I'm saying is,don't judge Ross before you get to know him.You know,I like all of you guys now. But when I first met you, you know? Kurt? I thought, abrasive drunk.Lola?Mind-numbingly stupid.You guys. Gold digger, cradle-robbing perv.So I think you all know what I mean.Obviously, I didn't think they would throw things.I thought if I kept insulting them you'd defend them.Then you'd look like the hero.See,I did not get that.Where's Monica? I need to talk to her, it's urgent.I'm Monica.I need to talk to you. It's urgent.I've been thinking......about us. A lot of "us" thinking.I guess there's only one way to do this.What are you doing?Don't do it.Will you marry me?What a bad idea.I can't not look at it.Why are you doing this?I don't know.But I know I'm not afraid to do this.I'm doing this because I'm sorry?Do you think the best reason to get married is because you're sorry? The best reason is pregnancy.Sorry is fourth,behind being ready and actually wanting to get married. Will you be my wife?I want you to take a minute and think about how ridiculous this sounds. I'm kind of wishing everyone wasn't here now.None of that came from me.I never said I wanted to have babies and get married!I was really confused. Then I talked to these guys.Who? Two divorces and Joey?She's right,you know?Yeah,but still, cheap shot!You know when I said that I want you......to deal with relationship stuff all on your own?You're not ready.I didn't think I was!Oh,my God.What would you have done if I had said yes?I would've been happy because......I would spend the rest of my life with the woman I love.Or you would have seen a Chandler-shaped hole in that door.Will you pass that knife?No,I will not.You don't have to be mean about it.You're right. I'm sorry. Will you marry me?I was going to ask you to marry me because I didn't say hello to you. Or ask them to move in with you. But I'm not sure. Chandler?How long is this going to go on?I think the length of teasing......is directly related to how insane you were. So a long time.This is fun!Remember that "we were on a break" thing?I'm sorry. Will you marry me?That's not funny.。
How the hell did they lose our reservation. 他们怎么会没接到我们的预订Dad, you were married to mom for thirty years. 老爸你跟老妈结婚三十年It's just a couple of nights on the couch. 只不过是再睡几天沙发而已I'm gonna call for the Con. 我要给会议主办方打电话I'm gonna try to squeeze them on that $9.95 wifi fee. 让酒店退9.95元的无线网费用They're selling air. 不就是在卖空气嘛ClosetCon is the premier north American trade show 橱柜展销会是北美橱柜行业for the closet industry. 第一大展销会I stopped going years ago 我几年前开始不再参加'cause it's a trade show for the closet industry. 因为这是"出"柜行业的展销会Thank you. 谢谢This schedule is incredible. 会议安排得实在太棒了Dad, there's a 10:45 session 老爸 10点45有一个关于on sustainable materials. 永续材料的会议We have got to hit that. 我们一定得去Mm, but it overlaps with the 11:00 a.m. panel on paneling. 但是跟11点的镶板研讨小组冲突了And a breakout session on shoe storage. 还有鞋架分会Little advice -- 给你点小建议the convention floor is for suckers. 那些会议都是给菜鸟开的All work is done at the bar -- 真正的工作都是在酒吧里完成的Unless Tony G. and Layla are singing standards, 除非托尼和蕾拉在唱流行歌曲in which case, no work -- prepare to be entertained. 那样的话别工作了尽情欣赏吧Dad, I came here to learn, 老爸我是来这里学习的not sit at the bar and drink. 不是上酒吧喝酒的You do what you want. I'm getting a scotch. 你爱干嘛干嘛我要去喝杯威士忌Well, I do need to meet everybody. 我该去认识认识大家Ooh, good. Breakfast. 好棒啊吃早餐Breakfast? Try lunch. 还早餐呢叫午餐比较合适吧- We wake up early on the farm. - Sure do. -我们农场人起床早 -必须的There's our sleepy city mouse. 城里来的贪睡小耗子终于起来了Let's get you all squared away here. 我来帮你戴餐巾Yeah, I-I got it. No, I got it. 我自己来不用了我自己来Down here. I'm good. I'm good. Now, I know -- 放下面这样就好没事了You know, I forgot how 我都忘了much work there was to be done around here. 这里有这么多农活要干了I've been mending fence all morning. 我上午一直在修栅栏[双关:改善关系]Been mending, have you? 一直在修真的吗Missouri. 密苏里Misery. 痛苦之地- What a pig sty, huh? - Cute. -好大的猪圈啊 -真可爱Daddy went to town, he's gonna be there till super, 老爸去城里了他要到晚饭时候才回来so I'm helping mama slop the pigs. 所以我在帮妈妈喂猪You want to -- you want to pitch in? 你要来贡献点力量吗I don't know, I just ate that bacon, so... 不知道我刚刚吃了培根所以How's that gonna look? 去喂猪似乎不太合适Want to ring the dinner bell, "Little bomber"? 要不要敲响开饭铃小超声波Oh, that's actually really quaint. 那说起来很古雅呢Is it one of those little triangle thi-- 是那种小三角形状的...Loudest call in the tri-county area. 三郡范围内最响亮的吆喝Do it again! 再来一次No, sweetheart. I think once was enough. 不要了亲爱的一次就够了There's actually an animal that runs toward that sound, huh? 还真有畜生朝这声音跑来的Hello, hello! 你们好啊- Did you make the reservation? - Yeah, 7:00. -你预约了吗 -预约了 7点的Fun family time with this little newsy 跟这个小家伙一起享用牛排晚餐and a steak dinner. 度过美好的家庭时光Who says people at the closet convention get all the fun?谁说去参加橱柜大会的人才有美好时光No one. No one says that. 没人没人那么说I am telling you, the way he looked at me 我告诉你我去开门时when I came to the door -- it is so on. 他看着我的样子绝对是迷上我了Kind of seemed like he was just delivering pizza, 看起来就是他来送披萨and you were giving him money. 你得付钱的样子呗What are you guys talking about? 你们在说什么呢Chuck, the pizza guy from last night. 查克昨晚送披萨的小伙子He's shy and thoughtful 他害羞但是很体贴and wears a Princeton sweatshirt -- 穿着一件普林斯顿运动衫Hardly Haley's type. 完全不是海莉喜欢的型Oh, my God. You love him. 天呐你爱上他了What? No! I d-- how would you say I love him? 什么才没有你怎么会说我爱上他He's been to our house exactly three times. 他才来过家里三次That's ridiculous, Haley! Don't even look at me. 太荒谬了海莉别看我This is so stupid. 太傻了She loves him. 她爱上他了Hey, "Manimal." How was picture day? 曼尼汉子照相日怎么样You know what's super-helpful? 你知道什么对我帮助最大吗When the guy in line behind you calls you "Mount Sweatmore."就是站在你后面的家伙叫你"大汗山"I was trying to relax you. 我那是想让你放松点It was right in front of you 多简单的梗-- "Brad Pitt-Stains." 应该叫"布拉德·皮特汗渍"- Come on, Luke. - It's okay. -真不给力卢克 -没关系啦New security system? 新的安保系统吗You can see the backyard, 你可以看到后院the front door, the garage -- everywhere. 前门车库全都看得到Yeah, can't take any chances 是啊自从老妈生下since mom gave birth to 那边那颗希望钻石the hope diamond over there. 家里就不能冒任何风险There is a room off the kitchen at Jay's house 杰家里的厨房边上有一个房间that's always locked. 总是锁着I try it every time I'm there. 我每次过去都要试着开一次I've spent countless hours imagining that that room 我花了无数时间幻想那个房间里is a house of treasure... 藏着一屋子的宝藏a palace of ceaseless wonder. 一座充满奇迹的宫殿It's real. 是真的Hello, old friend. 你好啊老朋友Would you look at that? 看到那个了吗What?! That's coconuts! 什么简直太棒了No! 不是吧Is that -- 那是A replica of Apollo 13. 阿波罗13号的复制品Look at the detail. 瞧这细节You can almost see the astronauts 你都能看到宇航员在里头drinking teeny, tiny Tang. 喝超小杯的果珍- Can I hold it? - No. -能让我拿一下吗 -不行You have any idea how valuable this is? 你知道这有多珍贵吗And your fingers are covered in cheese dust. 你的手指上还有芝士粉末There. 这样- No! Luke, please! - Hey, guys. Knock it off. -别卢克拜托 -你俩别闹了Don't worry, Gloria. I got it. 别担心歌洛莉亚我能行Nobody panic!! 大家都别慌This is a collector's edition. It's 40 years old! 这可是收藏家版本 40年历史呢We're gonna have to improvise. 我们得立即修复它Gloria, call the steakhouse and cancel. 歌洛莉亚给牛排馆打电话取消预约Manny, find some glue. 曼尼找些胶水来Luke, let's get these parts into the garage. 卢克我们把这些零部件都拿到车库I know this seems impossible, 我知道这看起来很困难but we can do this! 但我们一定能行Hello. Houston's? 是休斯顿牛排馆吗[休斯顿火箭中心]We have a situation. 我们出了点状况Hi. We're with ClosetCon. All-access. 我们是参加橱柜展的哪都能进She doesn't care. You're the only dope wearing that here. 她不在乎你是唯一戴着牌子的笨蛋- Give it to me. - No. I like it. -快给我 -不我喜欢Hey. Joel. 好啊乔尔Looking good, my friend. 看起来不错啊老朋友Took a bath on automated closets. 在自动化橱柜上洗澡People aren't ready for that. 人们还没准备好呢Jay Pritchett. Get your cute butt over here. 杰·普里契特帅哥快过来- Who's that? - An old friend. -她是谁 -一位老朋友I'm gonna go say hello. Why don't you get us a couple drinks? 我去打个招呼你去拿两杯酒来吧Yeah. I'll do that. 好我这就去Hi. Can I get a scotch and a white wine? 能给我一杯威士忌和一杯白葡萄酒吗Wow, rowdy crowd, huh? 人真多好吵啊Trade shows -- people get away from their families, 展销会嘛人们离开家人- get a little liquored up. - Yeah, I get that. -喝点小酒 -我懂的Let's just say when the nametags go on, 你挂上了名牌the wedding rings come off. 就该摘下婚戒了I am not so on board with that. 我不大同意那点Hey, there. 好啊美女Classy. 经典Let me just fix this. You're looking so great. 我帮你理理领带看起来真帅My mom was pretty self-involved, 我妈妈比较以自我为中心and my dad traveled a lot for work. 而我爸经常出差So, yeah, I did wonder if... you know. 我的确想过... 你懂的And not that I could blame him. 我不是要责怪他My friend Alison's mom 但每天我朋友艾莉森放学时greeted her every day after school 她妈妈都会用一个大大的拥抱with a big hug and a giant smile, 和笑容迎接她And I always thought, "Yeah... 我总是想 "是啊wouldn't mind a piece of that." 那样也挺不错的"- So, are we doing this? - I'll bring it to your room this afternoon. -要这样做吗 -我下午带去你房间里We have a little tradition at ClosetCon for rookies, 对于新来橱柜展的人我们有个小传统which Claire is this year. 今年是克莱尔We take a skeleton. We hide it in their closet. 我们把一具骨架藏在他们的橱柜里They open the door and scream, 他们打开柜门然后大声尖叫and we all have a good laugh. 我们大家都哄堂大笑Can't take full credit for the idea. 这主意不是我们想出来的We stole it from CabinetCon. 是从壁橱展上学的Hot cider. 热苹果酒Oh, yes. Thank you, Barb. 好谢谢你巴布- Thank you so much. - It's chilly. -太感谢你了 -外面好冷Mmm. Wow, that's got a kick. 这酒真带劲That'll be the rum. 那是朗姆酒的力道I can feel it warming up your belly. 我能感受到它温暖你的小肚肚Yeah, still in my mouth and throat. 还在我嘴里和喉咙里呢Well, what's that? 那是什么Boy, it starting to get nippy, huh? 开始变冷了啊You guys want to walk down to the duck pond? 你们想走去野鸭池塘吗Um -- that sounds lovely. I'll get the gun. 听起来挺不错的我去拿枪- Are y'all coming? - "Y'all"? -大家伙儿都来吗 -大家伙儿- We don't say "Y'all"! - Yeah, we do. -我们不说大家伙儿 -我们说的No, well, yeah, we say it... here, but not normally. 我们在这里说但一般不说Well, did you ever think this is how I really talk 你觉得我其实是这样说话的and that I talk different-like when I'm not here? 我离开这里时说的话就不一样了吗Y'all fighting? 大家伙儿在吵架吗No, no, sweetie, we're just having a conversation 不不亲爱的我们只是在聊天about how your daddy can be so stuck-up. 聊你二爸有多么高傲Cam, that's really mature. 小卡你真"成熟"Use our daughter to get your little digs in. 利用我们的女儿来挖苦我I would never do that, sweetie. 我绝不会那样做的亲爱的You don't think I notice 你觉得我没发现how condescending you are when we come here? 我们来这里后你有多高傲吗You just set on the porch. You roll your eyes. 你"作"在门廊上翻白眼You don't participate in anything. 什么也不参与And, yeah, I said "Set." 对我说的是"作"But that's how we talk here. 但我们这里就是这样说话的I'm from this place. I'm proud of this place. 这里是我的家乡我为它感到骄傲And it hurts me that the man I love just thinks it's some big joke.我很难过我爱的人觉得这是个大笑话Come on, sweetie. 走吧亲爱的Lord a'mercy. 仁慈的主啊Ugh. I'm starving. What are we gonna do about dinner? 我饿死了晚餐怎么办啊I checked with dad, and I ordered a couple pizzas from Theo's. 我问过爸爸了订了几块西奥家的匹萨I knew it! You're stalking my pizza guy! 我就知道你在跟踪我的匹萨帅哥He is not into you, okay? 他不喜欢你好吗Does he call you "Brown eyes" 他叫过你"棕眼姑娘"吗and give you extra mozzarella sticks? 多给过你酥炸芝士条吗Okay, that's it, you two! 够了你俩You cannot fight over men like it's jewelry or shoes. 你们不能像争珠宝或者鞋子一样争男人If you're both interested, no one makes a move. 如果你俩都喜欢他谁也不许去追Sisters before misters! 姐妹第一男人第二- Stalker! - Trollop. -跟踪狂 -荡妇Ha-ha, don't know what it means -- 不知道那是什么意思- What did you do?! - Nothing! -你做了什么 -我没做什么Aah! Yes, you did! You turned it on, 就是你你把它打开了and now the propeller's all tangled up! 现在螺旋桨都缠在一起了Why would I do that? 我为什么要那样做'cause my pizza guy is coming, 因为我的匹萨帅哥就要来了and now I have airplane in my hair! 现在我头发里有一架飞机I swear I didn't, Haley. Okay. 我发誓我没有海莉I'll get it out. Oh, my god, ow! 我来帮你弄出来天啊- What is happening?! - I don't know! -发生什么了 -我不知道Ohh, you find a little toy? 你找到了一个小玩具吗Hey, was that aunt Marge 刚在车道上just tearing down the driveway? 横冲直撞的是玛吉姑妈吗Yes. And she dropped off a little present. 对她带来了一份小"礼物"Is that my Cam Cam? 这是我的小卡卡吗- Gram gram! - Oh, you. -奶奶 -你好啊There have been some storm warnings, 最近发布了风暴预警so Marge thought she'd be safer over here. 玛吉觉得她在这里更加安全But she dropped her off so fast 但她很快让她下了车that we didn't even have a chance to straighten up. 我们都没时间整理一下[straight暗指直男] We never told gram about the gay. 我们从没和奶奶说基佬的事You know, after they reach a certain age, 他们年事已高you worry that it could 可能听到了这件事be the thing that sends them over the edge, 一激动就一命呜呼了And she's been on the edge for a long time. 而她已经随时都可能驾鹤西去了We're actually on deathbed number two. 实际上她排在二号临终床上Mitchell. Mitchell. 米奇尔米奇尔Okay. W-what's this? 好吧这怎么回事This is me ready to slop, bale, or milk something. 这是我准备好去喂猪打包或者挤奶了You don't need to do that. 你没必要这样做No, I -- Cam, I-I know. 不小卡我知道I know I gave you hell for being who you really are, 我知道我对你真实的一面过于苛责- and I want to make that up to you. - Yeah, but you know what? -我想补偿你 -好吧但你知道吗Putting on my sister's Sunday overalls is gesture enough. 穿上我姐姐的周日工作服就足够了- What's this? - Oh, it's my chewing straw. -这是什么 -我咀嚼的稻草- It's not straw. - Oh, it's just show -- for show. -这不是稻草 -这只是作秀啦- Hey. Come on, come on. - You know, you love the man, -别过去别过去 -你爱这个男人- you love the world he comes from. - Yeah, but you know what? -要爱他的家乡 -是但你知道吗I don't know if it's these farming clothes or what, 我不知道是这套农场装还是其它的缘故but I am feeling so close to you right now. 此时此刻我觉得和你好亲近- Well, that's so sweet. - Now give me a kiss. -这话真贴心 -快亲我一下No, not right now. 不行现在不行Well, don't make me rassle you down. 别逼我扑倒你Who's this? 这人是谁Oh, dear. 惨了Uh...well, grams, this is Bud, our new farmhand. 奶奶这位是巴德新来的农工Bud? 巴德Yeah, Bud's a little simpleminded 是的巴德脑袋被驴踢过on account of getting mule-kicked, isn't he? 所以脑子有点不好使是不是And you know the rules on being in the house, Bud. 巴德你该知道你是不能进屋的Now, go on outside. 快出去吧We're gonna milk the cows in a few minutes. 我们过一会儿还得挤牛奶呢Get on out there. Have a treat afterwards. 出去挤奶吧挤完请你吃饭Here's what we've got to work with. 所有零件都在这里了Nicely done. I've got Florida on the line. 干得漂亮我已经和佛罗里达州连线了Dad, I'm flying you in. You're the model expert. 爸我把你放到这里你是模型专家What are we looking at, son? 儿子我们要组装什么东西Holy Moses. 我的神呐More like Apollo 1,300 pieces! 这是碎成1300块的阿波罗号啊In space, I guess no one can hear you be hilarious. 看来太空里的人没有什么幽默感I need you to focus. 我需要你专心一点- If Jay sees this... - I know! -万一杰看到这个... -我知道了Dad, you've got three good men here depending on you. 爸这里三个好男人全都靠你了Say no more -- I'm gonna tap a button now 不多说了我现在要按一个键that's either gonna make you 可能会把我屏幕上larger on my screen or -- 你们的影像放大或者We've lost Florida. 我们和佛罗里达失去联系了Yeah, yeah. Bring the skeleton up now. I just got to the room. 现在就把骷髅架拿过来我刚到房间Hey, dad. 你好呀爸Hey, honey. 你好女儿I thought we were meeting at the restaurant. 我还以为我们是约在餐厅见呢Yeah, well, the lecture got done a little early, 没错那场演讲结束得有些早and I was kind of the star of the evening. 而且我似乎成了今晚的明星I got a huge laugh when I coined the phrase 我杜撰出来一个词引得全场爆笑"Shelf-esteem." "柜尊"[与自尊近似]Huh? Yeah? 好笑吧Okay, I'll text it to Phil. 我得发短信告诉菲尔Why don't you go down to the lobby? You'll get a stronger signal. 你何不到楼下大厅去发信号会比较好- Oh. Hello. - Rita. -你好 -丽塔-This is my daughter, Claire. - Hi. -这是我女儿克莱尔 -你好Claire, this is Rita. 克莱尔这位是丽塔Your dad and I go way back. 我和你爸认识好多年了First time we met, I told him 第一次见面的时候我就告诉他he needed a course in "Hanger" Management. 他得进修一下"衣架"管理课程he needed a course in "Hanger" Management. [原词是anger management:愤怒管理]It's still funny. 现在回想都挺逗的Seriously? 说真的吗Her husband's in the garment business. 她老公是从事服装生意的He made me a suit. 他给我做了套西服I make the closets, and he fills them. 我做衣柜他做衣柜里面的衣服Match made in heaven. 天作之合Honey, they're kind of sticklers at that restaurant. 那个餐厅里的人都很难缠Why don't you grab our table? I'll put this in the room. 要不你先去占座我把这个放到屋里Uh, okay. Will do. 好的这就去Um, really nice to meet you. 非常高兴见到你See you downstairs. 楼下见了I actually am gonna take the stairs. 我其实想走楼梯That elevator is slow. 电梯实在太慢了Hey, was it just me, 是我多想了or was she looking at me weird? 还是她看我的眼神确实有点怪I did kind of sense that. 我也有点感觉You don't think she knows about our deal? 她不会是知道了我们的事情吧How could she? It was 20 years ago. 怎么会那件事都过去20年了And I never told anyone. 何况我从来没告诉过别人Would she even care? 她还会介意这个吗That I tried to get rid of the man she ended up marrying?介意我试图拆散她和她嫁的那个男人吗Well, it's not like you took a hit out on him. 你又没有攻击那个男人You had me offer him a job 你只不过是让我给他in the greatest state in the union. 在最好的州找了份工作Okay, Tex. 好了德克萨斯粉丝If I never said anything, how could she know? 我从没对谁说过她怎么会知道You're not the first one I approached. 我第一个找上的人不是你You're just the first one who said yes. 你只是第一个答应的而已- I'm done. I'm done - Come on. -我受够了受够了 -拜托Please, just be Bud -- for a couple days. 求你了扮演一下巴德就一两天You can do some chores, maybe I can 你可以干些杂活儿然后或许berate you a little bit to really sell it. 我再呵斥你两句装得更像点Do you hear how insane you sound? 你听不出你的话有多过分吗Chores? 让我干杂活儿All right, you know what? 好吧你知道吗You -- you deal with your grandmother however you want. 你想怎么对付你奶奶随便你- Lily and I will just go get a hotel room. - No, you can't. -我和莉莉要去找酒店住 -不行Fine. Motel, silo -- 好吧没酒店就找汽车旅馆或粮仓whatever you got around here. 什么都行No, that alarm means there's a tornado coming right now. 不那个警报表示龙卷风这就要来了Oh, god. Well, where's lily? 我的天莉莉在哪里I hope she's not still out in the field. 但愿她不会还在田里Lil-y-y-y-y! 莉莉You can't just call her like a pig! 你不能像唤猪一样地叫她Lil-y-y-y-y-y! 莉莉Okay, this is just a farm thing, 好吧只能在农场这样叫not, like, a mall thing. 回到城里大商场可不行- What's that, city voice? Hmm? - Just go. -你说什么城市之声 -快走吧This is really in there good. 这个缠得真够紧的Get her off of me. 让她离我远点I'm getting dumb through osmosis. 她身上的傻气要渗透给我了I don't have osmosis. 我才没有渗透这种东西Oh, great. Chuck's here with the pizza. 太好了查克把披萨送来了Gloria, can you please get it? 歌洛莉亚你可以去开下门吗No. You two be nice to each other 不行你们两个得对彼此友善点and figure it out. 自己解决Oh, hey, Chuck. 你好查克I didn't think you'd be working tonight. 我没想到你今晚还要工作Hey. What are you doing here? 你好你怎么会在这里Oh, this is my grandfather's house. 这里是我外公的家There's a pool. Do you swim? 后院有游泳池你会游泳吗You look like you swim. 看你这身材一定会I do. 我确实会游Oh, thanks. 谢谢You okay? 你还好吧Oh, yeah. Totally. Just a cramp. 还好没事有点抽筋而已I work out. One second. 我经常锻炼稍等一下- You little... - Shut up. -你个小... -闭嘴Hey, you. 你好啊Hey, brown eyes. 你好棕眼美女Okay, cool. Thanks. Bye. 好的谢谢再见Bye! 再见- What? - Shut up, dork. -干嘛 -闭嘴笨蛋Don't be nervous, honey. 别紧张亲爱的There's nothing to be scared of. 没有什么好害怕的Take it easy, mama. Don't break a hip. 放轻松妈妈别把屁股摔了I'm telling you right now. 告诉你吧I am not pretending to be something I'm not, 我才不要假装成别人especially in front of our daughter. 尤其是当着女儿的面Oh, so I can't kiss you in front of your dad for six years, 我六年都不能当着你爸的面亲你and you can't give me two days? 你就不能为了我忍两天吗We're saving an old lady some unnecessary upset. 我们是为了不让老太太难过Why don't you give her a little credit? 为什么不给她多点信任呢She might be more open-minded than you think. 她说不定比你想的更开明Well, you're a cute little Chinese thing. 你个可爱的小中国娃Actually, gram, she's, uh, from Vietnam, 奶奶其实她是越南人and her name's Lily. 她叫莉莉Dad, how long do we have to stay down here? 爸爸我们还得在这呆多久"Dad"? "爸爸"Okay, well, I guess there's no way around this. 好吧看来真没辙了Ac-- actually, ma'am... 其其实...she's my kin. 她是我家的So, you got a Chinese wife, Bud? 那你是有个中国妻子咯巴德No, I-I-I went to vietnam, 不是我去了趟越南and I did myself some adopting, 自己领养了个娃And now I'm raising her all by my lonesome. 现在我就孤身一人养着她Well, I never thought I'd live long enough to see that. 我从没想到有生之年还能见识这种事None of us did. 大家都没想到But I guess there's nothing more important than family... 但我想世上最重要的就是家庭了no matter how they come. 不管这家庭是如何建立的Well, that is mighty open-minded of you. 您真是太开明了Some folks 'round these parts don't share that progressive-- 有人就不懂分享这种进步I say progressive-- sensibility. 这种进步的情感To each his own. 青菜萝卜各有所爱But I do wish I had another 但我确实希望little one like that to spoil. 能有这么个小不点儿来宠爱What if I told you you did have a great-grandbaby? 要是我说你确实有个曾孙女呢- What? - Cam... -什么 -小卡It's okay, mama. 没关系妈妈What if I told you I was in love, 要是我说我恋爱了and that I've never been happier in my entire life, 而且我此生从未如此幸福and that I'm about to get married? 而且我就要结婚了呢I can't think of anything better. 那简直是世上最好的消息And what if I told you the love of my life 要是我告诉你我的毕生至爱is this man standing right here? 就是这个男人呢Then I'd know why god sent us this tornado. 难怪上帝要带给我们这场龙卷风Damn. 该死After the initial shock, gram softened a bit. 最初的震惊之后奶奶缓和了一些She even agreed to attend the wedding. 她甚至同意参加婚礼了Standing outside with a sign. 举着牌子站在场外抗议Baby steps, Mitchell. Baby steps. 慢慢来米奇尔慢慢来And... our antenna is... 然后天线就- reattached. - Yes! -重新连上了 -赞Oh, this is useless. 这没用啊Hey, I don't want to hear talk like that. 我不想听见这种话If you want inspiration, think about Apollo 13. 想鼓舞士气就想想阿波罗十三号Jay didn't give up when he first put together this model.杰第一次组装这模型的时候也没有放弃It was hard and complicated, and back then, 这很难很复杂而且那时候the print on the instructions was tiny, 说明书上的字也很小but he persevered. 可他坚持下去了Also, the astronauts on the actual Apollo 13 而且真的阿波罗十三号上的宇航员didn't give up when their actual lives were in danger. 身处险境时也没有放弃Them, too, but they had a lot of other people helping them out. 是的但他们有很多人帮忙We're on our own here. 我们只能靠自己Okay, I figured out what we need 我知道我们需要什么东西to reattach that damn landing module. 来重新组装这该死的着陆舱了Glue won't work. 胶水不行We need a very thin filament-- 我们需要根非常细的长丝thinner than thread. 比线还细的I know what will work. 我知道什么能行Well, I need to go check on something. 我得离开一下I told my date I'd be back in a jiff. 我跟我的女伴说我去去就回Back in a jiff. 去去就回Nothing to do but wait. 只能等了Why are we making ourselves crazy, Phil? 我们为何自己乱了阵脚菲尔I don't know. I just hate disappointing Jay so much. 不知道我就是不想让杰失望He is not an easy guy to please. 他的确不是容易取悦的人I know, but when you do, it's pretty sweet, ain't it? 我知道可一旦成功就很幸福是吧Sure is. 必须的You're lucky to have a dad like that. 你很幸运有这么个老爸Hard not to be hurt by that, son. 很难不受伤啊儿子How have I never noticed how loud you breathe? 我怎么以前没发现你喘气这么大声Aw, don't beat yourself up-- that'd require you 别自责了那需要你to notice something that isn't about you. 注意到你自己以外的事情Oh, my god, you are such a loser! 天呐你真失败I can't be stuck to you all day! 我可不能整天跟你在一起Okay, that's it! I cannot listen to this anymore! 够了我听不下去了I'm going to cut you two out of there. 我要把你俩剪开No! Gloria, no! My hair! 不歌洛莉亚我的头发- Too late! - Okay, okay! Just cut mine. -太晚了 -好吧剪我的就好Yeah, cut hers! Wait. Why? 没错剪她的等等为什么No one cares what I look like, anyway. 反正也没人关心我长什么样You don't really think that. 你才不是真的这么想Yeah, well, kind of. 多少有一点You didn't see the way that Chuck was looking at you? 你没看到查克看你的眼神吗Wait, you actually think I'm a threat? 等等你真觉得我对你是个威胁吗I'm not gonna say that out loud. 我不会说出来的Aww, that's so sweet. 这真窝心Well, if I ever had a boyfriend, 要是我有男朋友I wouldn't trust him with you for five seconds. 我绝对不会让他和你独处五秒的Okay. Let's finish this job. 好了结束吧Gloria, no, you can't cut-- 歌洛莉亚别不能剪And there you go. 搞定了That's it. That was easy. 就这样小菜一碟Why did you wait an hour to do this? 你为什么等了一小时才这样做Why did you wait 15 years to do that? 你们为什么等了15年才那么做呢At least this way, nothing bad happened 至少这样大家的秀发to anyone's pretty hair. 都不会受损Oh, honey. I didn't hear you come in. 女儿我没听到你进来- How was the rest of your night? - Let's see. -晚上过得如何 -这么说吧After you bailed on me, 在你放了我鸽子之后Mark from Closetopia yakked my ear off, 衣柜乌托邦的马可一直冲我喋喋不休and then told me I look like Heidi Klum, 还说我长得像海蒂·克鲁姆which is such an obvious come-on. 这简直是赤裸裸的挑逗Mark's gay. 马可是同性恋Well, in that case, my night stank. 这样的话今晚糟透了And I didn't bail. 我没有放你鸽子I know a lot of people here. They pulled me away. 这里很多人跟我很熟他们把我拉走的Hey, these robes are terrific. 这睡袍棒极了You know, there's one for you in the closet. 衣柜里有你一件You ought to put it on. 你一定要穿上感受一下I don't want a robe. 我不想穿浴袍Dad, were you avoiding me tonight? 爸你今晚是不是在躲我Why would I avoid you? 我为什么要躲你Trust me -- soft, like butter. 相信我柔软的像黄油一样Right in there. 就在那里挂着Don't make me ask. 不要非让我问出口What are you talking about? 你在说什么You and Rita 20 years ago -- 20年前你和丽塔- It's okay. I know. - Oh, geez. -没什么我都知道了 -天呐I get it. Things happen. 我理解这种事时有发生- Really? - It was a long time ago. -真的么 -事情过去很久了Well, I appreciate it. 好吧感谢理解I just want to say I'm not proud of it. 我只能说我并不以此为傲If I had known him then like I know him now, 如果那时我能像现在这样了解他I never would have tried to get rid of Phil. 我绝不会试图把菲尔从你身边赶走Good night. 晚安。
What's going on? 怎么了？My eye is a little itchy. 我的眼睛有点痒Mine too. Yeah. 我的也是It's really red. You should go see my eye doctor. 你的眼睛好红喔你应该去看我的眼科医生I'm not gonna see your ex-boyfriend. 理查？我才不要找你的前男友看眼睛That's all I hear. Richard, Richard, Richard. 理查…一天到晚理查个没完Since we've dated, I've said his name twice. 打从我们开始约会以后我想我只提过两次他的名字Okay. So Richard, Richard. 那好，理查、理查It's not Richard. It's this new guy. He's good. 不是理查啦我新找的眼科医生很棒I'm sorry. I'm not going to an eye doctor. 抱歉，我不去看眼科医生-Oh, God. Here we go. -What? 天啊，老毛病又犯了什么？Anytime anything comes close to touching her eye or anyone else's... 每次只要碰到眼睛这档事她马上就......she, like, freaks out. Watch. ...避之唯恐不及注意看Ross, come on! 罗斯，你别闹了I have a weird thing with my eye. Can we not talk about it? 好，我对我的眼睛有怪癖麻烦别再讨论了，行吗？好吧… 好，我对我的眼睛有怪癖麻烦别再讨论了，行吗？Hey,Rach. You know that great song? "Me, Myself and Eye." 瑞秋，还记得有首很棒的歌我、我自己和… （“我”和“眼睛”同音）Monica! Come on! 摩妮卡，别闹啦All those in favor of getting lunch, say, "eye." 有没有人想吃午餐？有意愿的请说…Ross! Stop it! 罗斯，拜托别闹了啦How much did I love The King and Eye? 我有多喜欢“国王与我”？Chandler! 钱德！Me too, me too! 我也是…Just stop it! That's enough! 够了，别玩了…-You okay there, man? -Yeah. I got too excited. 你还好吧？对，我真的戳到了The One with Joey's Big Break 本集播出：“眼病难医”29 先走了，我要带班去公园-Give him a kiss for me. -All right. Bye. 帮我亲一下他好，再见Later. 再见…I'm so sorry you got caught in the middle of that. 很抱歉让你们夹在中间尴尬I didn't mean to be so out there, but I am furious with him. 我也不是故意这么夸张但我真的很生他的气Calm down? 别激动I'm trying. Man, that guy can push my buttons! 我在克制但一想到那个人我就有气Why are you so mad? 你干嘛那么气他？-I don't wanna talk about it. -lt seems like 我不想谈，好吗？只是…You wanna be on my list too? Keep talking. 你想榜上有名就继续说啊Has anyone seen my list, by the way? 对了，谁有看到我的黑名单？No. What's it look like? 没看到，长什么样子？-A piece of paper and it says, "Ross." -I see. 就是张纸，上头写了“罗斯” 了解I just got off the phone with Estelle. Guess what? 我刚和艾斯黛讲完电话你们猜怎么了？I got the lead in a movie!!! 我要当电影主角了！You got the lead in a movie? What's it about? 你要演电影主角，太厉害了是什么电影？It's called Shutterspeed. It's really cool. 片名是“极限速度”，超酷的I meet this girl in the subway and we fall in love in, like, a day. 我在地铁遇见一个女孩一天之内坠入情网And then she disappears. But I find out where she lives. 后来她消失无踪但我找出了她住在哪里This old lady answers the door. I say,"Where's Betsy?" 一个老太太出来开门我问她“贝丝在哪里？”And she says, "Betsy's been dead for 10 years." 她说“贝丝已经过世十年了”Chilling! 好寒The best part is,we're filming in the desert outside of Vegas. 最棒的部分是拍片地点在赌城外的沙漠-You know what that means. -I know. 兄弟，你知道那是啥意思对，我知道Road trip! We can rent a car. I have to be there by Tuesday. 开车杀过去，我们可以租车我周二以前到那里就行了Wait! My grandmother's dead. 等等，我祖母过世了We can talk about that too,Phoebe. 菲比，我们也可以聊聊那件事No, her cab. 不…我是说她的计程车She probably won't be using it. Drive it to Las Vegas. 她八成用不到了你们可以开去赌城All right! Thanks! 好耶，菲比，谢了What are we gonna do about my job? 等等… 那我的工作怎么办？Not go. 别去了Great! Road trip,baby! 好耶！棒！上路罗！Is this okay? 你没意见吧？Chandler, you don't have to ask for my permission. 钱德，你不用徵求我的允许…You can go. 我让你去谢谢Rach, we'll be late for the eye doctor. 瑞秋，快点，我们看医生要迟到了All right. Let's get this over with. 好啦，早去早解脱Look what I did. 糟糕，我真是笨手笨脚的I mean, look at this mess. 搞得一团乱We're gonna probably have to clean this up. 我得先来清理一下I mean, we're gonna have to reschedule! 看诊时间得要重约了If you thought that this mess was gonna bother me, you are wrong!若你认为这点脏乱就会影响我那你就错了All right, let's go, Blinky. 我们走吧，眨眼姑娘钱德！我们走吧，眨眼姑娘“中央咖啡馆” 我们走吧，眨眼姑娘Hey,Joey. What's up? 乔伊你怎么了？I can't decide which route to take to Vegas. 我无法决定走哪条路去赌城You've traveled a lot, right? 你去过不少地方吧？Yeah,I've been around. 对，见过世面Which route should I take? The north or the south route? 那我该选哪一条？北线还是南线？If you take the north route, there's a man with a beard of bees. 走北线途经伊利诺州有个男人会用蜜蜂当胡子Great! Problem solved! 太棒了，问题解决On the south route, there's a chicken that plays tic-tac-toe. 但是走南线的话可以看会玩井字游戏的鸡Well, back to square one. 又回到原点了I know a way that you can decide. 我知道有个方法能让你做决定I'll ask you a series of questions and you answer as quickly as you can. 我会问你一连串的问题你回答得越快越好Yes! 好！Good. But wait. 很好，不过先别急Here we go. I want you to relax. 开始罗，你先放轻松Take a deep breath. 深呼吸一口气Clear your mind. 心里不要想事情-Peanut butter or egg whites? -Peanut butter. 花生酱和蛋白，你喜欢哪个？花生酱-Be a fireman or a swimmer? -Swimmer. 你比较想当消防员还是游泳选手? 游泳选手-You'd sleep with Monica or Rachel? -Monica. 摩妮卡和瑞秋你比较想跟谁上床？摩妮卡…I always thought it'd be Rachel. 我一直都以为会是瑞秋呢-No thinking. Tie or ascot? -Ascot. 不要想事情… 领带或领巾？领巾-North or south route? -North. 南线或北线？北线Bam! There you go! Huh? 答案出现，厉害吧That was incredible! Beard of bees here I come! 不可思议蜜蜂胡，我来罗This guy again. 这傢伙又来了Hey,what's up? 你好吗？Not much. Wanna see a movie tonight? 普通，今晚想看电影吗？What do you wanna see? 好啊，你要看什么？I don't know. 不知道…I know how to decide. Show him your game. 我知道我们要如何决定菲比，让他见识你的游戏No, thank you. 免了，多谢What's with her? 她是怎么了？I don't know. I know how we can decide. 不知道，但我知道怎么决定了I'm gonna ask you questions and you answer real quick. 我问你问题，你要很快回答好-Action or comedy? -Action. 动作片或喜剧你比较喜欢哪一个？动作片Who would you rather sleep with, Monica or Rachel? 摩妮卡和瑞秋你比较想跟谁上床？Dude, you are sick. 老兄，你真变态I'm sorry. I forgot you had that whole Rachel thing. 抱歉，我忘了你迷恋过瑞秋Oh, my God. What does that thing do? 天啊，这是干嘛的？-An eye removal machine. -I'm out of here. 这是眼球摘除机好了，我要走了I'm kidding. 开玩笑的啦…Rachel,I'm Dr. Miller. 瑞秋，我是米勒医生Monica said you were nervous. Everything will be fine. 摩妮卡说你有点紧张不过别担心，不会有事的-So we're done. -Almost, but first we gotta start. 那就结束吧快了，不过我们要先开始This is a glaucoma test. Sit down. 这是青光眼测试请坐Put your chin here. 把脸颊放在这里Now, you'll feel a small puff of air in each eye. 好，眼睛会有风吹的感觉What? 什么？A small puff of air. Now, come on! 一点点的风啦，你快点！Here we go. 来罗好One,two,three. 一、二、三…I'm sorry. All right. 抱歉…好吧I'm gonna stay in here this time. 我这次不会动Ready? 好了吗？-One,two -I'm sorry. 一、二… 抱歉You know what? I'm gonna hold her head. 我来抓她头好了That's okay. 好一、二… 好I'm sorry. 对不起You're young. You don't have glaucoma. 你还年轻，应该没有青光眼So it was very, very nice to meet you, sir. 太好了，很高兴认识您What are you? Are you crazy? 你在干嘛？你疯了不成？You got a small, minor infection in that left eye. 好，你的左眼有些微感染Take these drops for a week and you'll be as good as new. 这眼药水一天点三次连续一周你就宛如新生了No, I don't put things in my eye. 我不把任何东西放进眼睛里We'll see you here in three months. And I'll fit you for a glass eye. 那好吧，三个月后再见太棒了我到时帮你装上义眼Give me the damn drops! 好啦，把那死眼药水给我Dr. Miller? 米勒医生？P-E-C-F-D. P、E、C、F、DVery good, Monica! 摩妮卡，棒极了-You know where they are. -I sure do. 你知道奖品放在哪里我当然知道And you don't get one. 你没有！You know,those eye drops are a miracle. 那眼药水实在是太神奇了My eye is 100 percent better. 我的眼睛百分之百好了-They're still in my coat. -Damn! 眼药水还放在我的外套里可恶-You ready to go? -Yeah. 准备好上路了没？好了How cold will it be there? Will all these sweater vests be enough? 不过那边会有多冷？我要带外套还是带这些毛衣就够了？-What? -I love you. 怎么了？我爱你I wish Ross was coming with us. I'll miss him. 真希望罗斯也能一起去我一定会很想念他的Thanks. I just got that jerk out of my mind. 真是多谢你了我才刚把那个混蛋给忘掉Is the movie putting us up in a big hotel suite? 我们住哪里？电影公司招待的饭店大套房？Not really. It's an independent film. 不算是，这是独立制片的电影We don't have a big budget. I'll stay in your room. 没有大预算我想我住你房间好了Once you get paid, you'll be springing for a suite. 了解，但等你拿到酬劳之后你会请我住饭店大套房吧？They must be paying you a lot. 主演电影的片酬一定不少吧？Yeah. For every dollar Shutterspeed makes... 是啊，我算给你听 “极限速度”每赚一块钱...one penny of it goes right in Joey's pocket. 乔伊就能分到百分之一You don't get paid unless it makes money? 所以电影赚钱你才有钱拿？Did you not hear the plot of the movie? 你不知道这电影的情节吗？"She's been dead for 10 years." “贝丝已经过世十年了”I'm gonna be a millionaire! 我就快变成百万富翁了I wanted to say goodbye. 我只是要来跟你们说个再见And to see if you guys would place a little bet for me. 顺便托你们帮我下个注Twenty bucks on black 15. 20美元押黑色15号-You got it! -All right. 没问题好-You remember the number,right? -Yeah,black 13. 你记得号码吧？记得，黑色13号-Black 15! -You got it. 黑色15号啦! 没问题-All right. Bye-bye,now. -Bye,you guys. 再见…I'll say bye at the car. 我去车子那里替你送行Anyone wanna say bye to me at the car? 谁要去车子那里替我送行？I'll say goodbye to you at the car if you don't mind the pus. 我可以替你送行只要你不介意我眼睛化脓See you! 再见But wait a minute. The pus is good. It means it's healing. 等等，化脓是好现象表示快要好了Hey, Phoebe. What you reading? 菲比，你在看什么？菲比？菲比，你在看什么？Hello? 菲比，你在看什么？菲比？…菲比，你在看什么？Come on! 菲比？别闹了啦I'm sorry, I didn't see you there. 抱歉，我不知道你在这里Phoebe, are you mad at me or something? 菲比，你在生我的气吗？If you are, please tell me what it is I did. 我做了什么让你生气的事？-lf you don't know, I can't help you. -I don't know. 你不知道，我也帮不了你我是不知道啊Well, I can't help you. 那我也无能为力了Well, whatever it is, I am very, very sorry. Okay? 不管是什么事，我都非常抱歉Apology accepted. 我接受你的道歉So we're good? 那我们没事了？好吧那我们没事了？I'll see you later,okay? 那晚点见罗Bye,fat-ass. 好，大屁股All right! 够了！Will you please tell me what it is that made you so mad at me? 菲比，你快点说我做了什么让你这么不爽？I don't know! I don't remember! 我不知道，我不记得了What do you mean, you can't remember? 什么叫做你不记得了？I was so focused on being mad at you, I forgot what it was I was mad about.我太专心在生你的气气到都忘了生气的原因If you can't remember, can't we just forget about this? 既然忘了，那能不能就算了？Oh,no. I am mad at you. I know that much. 不行，我生你的气，这很确定But I'm sorry about the fat-ass thing because you have a sweet, little heinie.但我很抱歉骂你大屁股因为你的小屁屁很可爱I'm getting pretty tired. You'll have to take over soon. 我开得好累，你随时准备接手We've been driving for a half-hour. You haven't looked at the road once. 我们才上路半小时而且你都没在看路Don't worry. It's out there. 别担心，路就是路嘛Maybe I just need lunch. You wanna eat? 我想我该吃午饭了是啊你要吃吗？My treat. 我请客Isn't that Ross' money? 那不是罗斯的钱吗？Ross' treat. Where do you wanna eat? 是啊，好吧，罗斯请客你想吃什么？I don't know. 我不知道I know how we can decide. 我知道要怎么决定了I'll ask you questions. 我问你一堆问题And then you have to answer real fast. 你得很快回答So clear your mind. Clear it right out. Clear it out. 不要想事情，什么都不要想好It's all clear except for this image of a small, purple lamp. 我没在想事情但心里有个小紫灯的形象Is that all right if that stays in there? 这样不碍事吧？I don't see why not. I guess. 应该不碍事吧…You have to answer with the first thing that pops into your head, okay? 想到什么就直接回答好-Would you rather be too wet or too dry? -Too dry. 你宁愿太湿或太干？太干-Do you believe in ghosts? -No. 你相不相信有鬼？不相信-Will this movie be my big break? -No. 这电影会让我翻身吗？不会-What? -Yes. 什么？会-Dude,you said,no. -I also said,yes. 你刚才说不会我也说了会啊-This won't be my big break? -No. 你不觉得我这次会翻身？对I don't believe this. 岂有此理Look, I just don't want you to get your hopes up too high. 乔伊，我只是不要你期望太高What are you talking about? I'm the lead in a movie! 你在胡说什么？我是电影主角耶！They're not even paying you! This doesn't sound like a real movie! 那他们还不付你片酬？这电影听来跟幌子一样I don't know why you're dumping all over my big break. 我不需要听这种话搞不懂你干嘛泄我的气I don't think this is gonna be your big break. 乔伊，我不认为你这次能翻身Are you on this trip to make me feel like a loser? 所以你才来这趟？让我觉得自己是窝囊废？-I'd rather be alone. -You don't want me here? 如果是这样，那我宁愿自己去Not if you're like this. 你不要我陪你去？你这样我不要也罢The next time you ask me a question like that,I'll lie. 那好吧，下次你再问那种问题我骗你就是了I don't want you on the trip. 对！我不要你一起去Why don't you pull over. I'll get out now. 好，无所谓… 你停车，我马上走Fine. 好啊Get out. 滚吧You can't stop on a bridge. 在桥上不能随便就停车-Get out! -Fine! 滚啦！好啦！Wait! Wait! There's no sidewalk! 等等…桥上没有人行道！Yeah. I'm gonna die here. 我一定会死在这里“中央咖啡馆” 我一定会死在这里Are you mad at me because my hair gel smells? 好，你生我的气是因为我发胶有怪味？不是好，你生我的气是因为我发胶有怪味？Because I said your handwriting is childlike? 你生我的气是因为我说你写字像小孩？No. That made me feel precious. 不是，这样才特别啊Because he's always correcting people's grammar? 我知道了因为他老爱纠正别人文法？"Whom, whom." Sometimes it's "who"! 什么“WHOM”个没完有时候是用“WHO”啦！Yeah? Sometimes it's: 是吗？有时候是…Did you beat him at a board game? He's such a baby when he loses. 还是你玩西洋棋赢了他？他开始居于劣势就很孩子气Okay, I'm the baby. 好，我孩子气Hey! Stop it! 住手！What are you doing here? 钱德，你怎么会在这里？Joey kicked me out of the car on the bridge. 乔伊在华盛顿大桥上把我赶下车-Why? -I don't know. He went crazy. 为什么？… 不知道，他突然发飙We played that game where you ask questions and answer fast. 我们在玩快问快答的游戏That game should not be played without my supervision. 没有我在场监督绝对不能玩那个游戏I don't know what made him mad. 我不知道他干嘛气成那样All I said was that this wouldn't be his big break... 我只是说他这次不会翻身...that it wouldn't do anything for him... 说这部电影帮不了他...and that it didn't sound real. 说这部电影很像是幌子Okay, he should've pushed me off the bridge. 好啦，他该把我推下桥才对What's in the bag? 你袋子里有什么？I figured you'd be mad at me... 我猜想你们大家也会对我不爽...so I got gifts that I found on the roadside. 所以我在路边检了些礼物-Who wants the one-legged teddy bear? -I do! 谁要一条腿的泰迪熊？我要来了谁要一条腿的泰迪熊？我要-Not even close. -I need help! I can't do this. 差远了好啦，你帮我，我没办法Come on. Let's do it. 来，我帮你Sit down. All right, put your head back. 坐下好头往后仰好-Now open your eyes. -Okay,they are. 把眼睛张开好，张开了-How many fingers am I holding up? -Four. 我举了几只手指头？四只I was thinking four. 天啊，我心里想的也是四只-Really? -Yes! 真的？是啊Why don't we start with a practice one. 这样吧，我们先来预演一次好-No drops. -Great! 不滴眼药水太好了On three. One,two,three. 数到三，一、二、三…My pillow's all wet! 你害我沙发枕都湿了Well,you said it was practice! 你自己说是预演的Why did you move? 那你干嘛动？I knew you were lying! 因为我知道你在骗我-Come here. -What are you doing? 好吧，过来你要干嘛？Stop it! Oh,my God! 摩妮卡，天啊！住手！…I am going.... 我要…Turn it over! 转回来！I am going to get... 我要把......get these drops in your eye. 把眼药水…滴进你眼睛Oh, my God! You really are freakishly strong. 天啊，你蛮力真大Stop! Stop! 摩妮卡，住手！…Stop it! 住手Damn,it's empty! 可恶，滴完了！If Joey and Chandler walked in now, we could make a fortune. 如果现在乔伊和钱德走进来我们就发了That is definitely Chandler, Joey or Ross. 一定是钱德、乔伊或罗斯Or Rachel. 或是瑞秋It's Joey. 喂？是乔伊Chandler told me what happened. He's really upset. 真高兴你打来钱德都说了，他很难过Not as upset as he'll be when he finds out what I did with his sweater vests.等他知道他毛衣的下场他一定会更难过What did you do to them? 你把他的毛衣怎么了？There's a well-dressed pack of dogs in Ohio. 这么说吧，在俄亥俄州有一伙打扮亮丽的狗I gotta ask Phoebe something about the car. 摩妮卡？菲比在吗？我有车子的事要问她Hold on one second. 她在，你等等-Hey, dude. -Hey, Phoebe. 嗨嗨，菲比，你听我说This wooden box keeps sliding out. What is it? 座位底下有个木盒滑出来那是什么？My grandma. 那是我祖母And thanks. She's having a great time. 乔伊，谢谢你，她玩得很愉快Is that Joey? Let me talk to him. 是乔伊吗？我要跟他说…Chandler's here. He was wondering if 乔伊？钱德不知道你…I guess he ran out of change. 我想他零钱正好用完了How am I gonna apologize to him if he won't even talk to me? 他连话都不想跟我说这样我要怎么跟他道歉？Send him something. So when he gets there, he'll know you're sorry. 或许你应该寄点东西给他等他到了赌城就知道你想表达歉意了That's a good idea. I wonder where I could get a basket of porn? 好主意，上哪儿找一堆A片？No,don't say, "I'm sorry," with porn. 不行，不能用A片道歉啦真的？You should send him a carton of cigarettes. 你应该寄一条烟过去Because that way he can trade it for protection. 他可以用来换取保护No. That's prison. 错了，监狱里才是这样I know how we're gonna figure this out. 菲比，我知道要怎么找出原因Clear your mind... 好，什么都不要想...and answer the first thing that comes into your head. 想到什么就直接回答-Do you like flora or fauna? -Fauna. 你比较喜欢植物还是动物？动物-Simon or Garfunkel? -Garfunkel. 你想当赛门还是葛芬柯？葛芬柯-Why are you mad? -You said I was boring. 你为何生我的气？因为你说我很无趣When did I say that? 我何时说过你无趣了？Oh,my God! I remember now! We were playing chess. 天啊，我想起来了我们下西洋棋那次Phoebe,you and l have never played chess. 菲比，我和你没下过西洋棋Remember that time on the frozen lake? We were playing. You said I was boring.有啦，记得冰冻湖那次吗？我们玩西洋棋，你说我很无趣Then you took off your energy mask and you were Cameron Diaz. 然后你脱下面具变成了卡麦蓉狄亚There's a chance this may have been a dream. 好吧，这有可能是梦境So this entire time,you've been angry with me because of a dream? 所以你这阵子以来对我不爽全是因为一场梦？Well, guess what, now I'm mad at you. 菲比，现在轮我不爽你了I wanted to make sure this wasn't a dream. 我想确定这次不是作梦Otherwise we're wasting our time. 免得浪费彼此的时间Stanley! 史丹利！Your leading man is here. Let's get to work. 你的主角来了，咱们开工吧Slight change of plans. 计划有些改变We've shut down. 我们停拍了What? Why? 什么？为什么？It's a money thing. We don't have any. 我们没钱You're kidding, right? 你在开玩笑吧？不是What? 什么？It's probably just temporary. 这或许只是暂时的We're hoping to get some money soon. Just hang out. 我们希望能快点筹到资金你先撑一下Hang out? How long? 撑一下？要撑多久？I don't know. A week. Maybe two. The money will turn up. 不知道，一、两个星期吧资金会出现的People always wanna invest in movies. You're not rich? 大家都爱投资拍电影你该不会是有钱人吧？我不是Worth a shot. 问一下也无妨Well, Joey, let me know where you're staying,okay? 乔伊，让我知道你在哪儿落脚Hey, pal. Are you Joey Tribbiani? 你是乔伊崔比亚尼吗？我是These got left for you. 这是有人留给你的Thanks. 谢了"Congratulations on your big break." 恭喜你翻身了-Monica, it's Joey. -Hey,Joey. 喂？摩妮卡，我是乔伊You remember me even though you're a star. 你当了大明星还是记得我Come on. It'll be years before I forget you. 得了吧，忘记你也要好几年What's it like on a movie set? 拍片现场是什么样子？Do you have a dressing room and a chair with your name? 你有自己的更衣室吗？有专属的私人座椅吗？Yeah,yeah,I got all that going on. 有啊，一切都在进行当中Tell Chandler he couldn't have been more wrong. 你一定要跟钱德说他完完全全看走眼了I gotta go,Monica. My sushi's here. 摩妮卡，我得挂了我的寿司送来了Sorry about that. Thanks for waiting. 抱歉，多谢你们等我没关系Everybody smile. 大家笑一个，多谢Thanks a lot. Enjoy your stay at Caesars. We hope it's toga-rific. 希望你们在凯萨住得愉快祝福你们“罗马”精神Kill me. Kill me now. 杀了我吧…Rach, can you pass me the TV Guide? 瑞秋，电视指南递给我好吗？好啊Go! 上！What are you doing? Get off! Oh, my God! 住手！…天啊！Hold it open. Okay. 好了…We'll see you in about three or four hours. 三、四个小时后再见。
Here you go,Pheebs.Who wants one of my special home-baked brownies?I'll have one.-That's okay. -I'm not having one.No,no. It's just my tooth.-All right. -I'll have one.So you need a dentist? I've got a good one.Thanks. I have a good one too. I just can't see him.See,that is the problem with invisible dentists.Why can't you go to him?Because every time I go to the dentist,somebody dies.That's so weird. Every time I go to the dentist...... I look down the hygienist's blouse.What?First it was my Aunt Mary.And then there was John,my mailman.And then my cowboy friend,Albino Bob.And all these people actually died?Yes. While I was in the chair.That's why I take care of my teeth. It's not about oral hygiene.I floss to save lives.Come on,you didn't kill anybody.These people just happened to die when you went to the dentist. It's just a coincidence.Tell that to them. Oh,you can't! They're dead!The One With the Giant Poking DeviceThanks,Gunther.Can I get a napkin too?Oh,like you don't already have everything.You're in pain. Would you just go to the dentist? Just go.Fine. But if you're my next victim......don't come back as a poltergeist who sucks me into the TV set.I promise.Although,don't feel like you can't visit.Hey,is Chandler here?No. No,he's not.You guys,Joey just saw Janice kissing her ex-husband.What?What are you gonna do? How are you gonna tell Chandler?I was thinking about that. I think the best way would be......to not.Joey,if you know about this, you have to tell him.It'll kill him. It'll just kill him.Wait till I go to the dentist. Maybe I'll kill him.I think Naked Guy's using a hammock. It's like a Play-Doh fat factory. I'm going to the dentist. So listen......just be on the lookout for anything that you could fall into......or that can fall on you......or....All right,just look out!And I also just want to....I just want to tell you all that....I have a problem. I have to go into work for a few hours. Some kids messed up the Homo sapien display.What did they do?They painted over the word "sapien," for one thing. Then they rearranged the figures. Let's just leave it at that. Do you want me to watch Ben for you?That's what I was gonna ask. Thank you.Wait,hello! What about me?You. You want to watch Ben?That would be great! I just asked Monica...... because I know how empty her life is.I got a science question.If the Homo sapiens were,in fact, "homo" sapiens... ...is that why they're extinct?Joey,Homo sapiens are people.Hey,I'm not judging.Look,Benny! Spoon!Spoon!Come on. All right,you know what? I think he's bored. Here. You wanna play the airplane game?You wanna show Rachel? Come here.You wanna do something fun? Okay.You're so brave. You're so brave! Yes,you are.-You're so brave. -You're okay.He's fine. Let's just put him down.Come here,babe. Yes,you're such a good boy.How could you do that to him?! Ross trusted me! What's he gonna say? Nothing,because we're not telling him.-We're not? -No.All right,I like that.So we're okay. We're okay,aren't we?No,we're not okay. There's a bump.What bump?Oh,my God! Well,push it in! Push it in!I cannot push it in!Okay,we're gonna need a distraction.That's it.I got it!The second Ross walks in......take him to your bedroom and do whatever you do......that makes him go "rheeeee!"Or......we could put a hat on his head.A hat! Yes! We need a hat! Where are we gonna find a tiny little hat? I'll get Rainy Day Bear!Because he'll know what to do?Oh,my God. You're a genius!It's kind of sewn on.Give it. Give it.It's just like a bloodbath in here today!Hey,hold on a second. Hold on a second.Do you think these pearls are nice?I'd prefer a mountain bike.Janice's birthday's coming. I wanna get her something special.-Come in here with me. -Wait!You wanna get her something special? Get her flowers.Get her candy. Get her gum. Girls love gum.That's a good idea. "Dear Janice: Have a Hubba-Bubba birthday." I'd like to get her something serious.You want something serious.You know what you should do? You should get her one of those... ... barium enemas.Those are dead serious.Look,I'm gonna go in here. And you don't buy me anything,ever! You can't! You can't. You can't buy her pearls.You just can't,you can't, you can't!Why not?Oh,God.Here's the thing.This is the thing. Okay,the thing isWhat is the thing?I went down to the Mattress King's showroom......and I saw Janice kissing her ex-husband.What?They were in his office.She wouldn't do that. She's with me.I'm telling you,I saw it.Well,you're wrong. You're wrong.I'm not wrong.I wish I was.I'm sorry.Bet that barium enema doesn't sound so bad now.It makes more sense as an ensemble. And it takes the focus off the hat. Oh! You're alive! You're alive!I promised you no one would die,didn't l?We'll see about that. Can I use your phone to call everyone I know? Sure. We have no money. Go ahead.Hey,you're not dead! Okay,see you.Monica.Oh,my God! He just said my name!Did you hear that?Monica bang!Okay,I heard that.Did he just say,"Monica bang"?Oh,my God! He's gonna rat me out!Monica bang!Sweetie,you need to stop saying that now.It's no big deal. It's not even worth mentioning.You see? We all do it all the time.See? Watch this.Monica bang! Everybody bang!Ben bang!Rachel bang!Bang,Rachel! Bang!-Oh,isn't it fun? -Look at that!We all do it!-Okay,I'm stopping now. -Are you okay?You know,if it's not a headboard,it's just not worth it. How's my Bing-a-ling?I don't know.You tell me.Anything you want to tell me?Because if you.... You shouldYou would tell me.Why are your eyes so wide?You tell me.Maybe it's because I was just fooling around with my ex. Oh,no. That was you!Oh,my God!-All right! -How did you know?Joey told me. He saw you two kissing.In the park?No. In his office. How many kisses were there?Just those two!Why?Why was there kissing? There should be no kissing! Oh,I'm sorry,honey. I'm so,so....I'm so,so sorry. I just....What happened was l.... I can't breathe.Can you get me a bag or something?It's the receipt.I'll take it.Look,I've got to know.Are you finished with me?Are you finished with him?Do you still love him?Do you still love me?All right,look......I'm gonna need an actual answer here,okay?So which is it?Him or me?I don't know.Okay,if you're alive, you answer your phone!Okay,Ben,I won't tell your daddy that you had ice cream before dinner... ...if you won't tell him about our little bonking incident.Number one,I don't think Ben understands the concept of bribery.And number two,IWhat?You said "number two."I also said "number one."I know.Hey,everyone!How's my little boy?He's perfect. Aren't you,Ben?-He's never been better. -What did you do,take him whaling?Oh,my God! He just said your name! That's great! Good job,Ben! Monica bang!That's right.That's what I'd sound like if I exploded.The curse is broken! I called everybody I know......and everyone is alive!Ugly Naked Guy looks awfully still.My God,I killed another one!The curse is getting stronger too, to bring down something that big. Maybe he's just taking a nap.I'm telling you, he hasn't moved since this morning.We should call somebody.Tell them the naked guy we stare at isn't moving?We've got to find out if he's alive.How are we gonna do that? There's no way.Well,there is one way.His window's open. I say......we poke him.You know how we save all those chopsticks......for no reason when we get Chinese food?Well,now we got a reason.What?We're fashioning a very long poking device.All right.Hey,what's the matter?I talked to Janice.Oh,my God. Is she going back to him?She doesn't know.Says she loves us both.I woke up this morning,I was in love.I was happy!It serves me right for buying that 12-pack of condoms.And now I can't even return them, because she choked on the receipt! What are you gonna do?I don't know.You know? What would you do?It doesn't matter what I'd do.Come on. Come on. Tell me.All right......you probably won't want to hear this...... but if it was me, and this is just me...... I'd bow out.What?What are you talking about?They have a kid together......you know?They're,like,a family.And if,I don't know......if there's a chance they can make that work...... I wouldn't want to be the guy who stood in the way.You okay?You wanna come poke a nude guy?Well,he's finally asleep.About that bump on his head....Are you sure it's a new bump?No offense,but I've always thought of Ben as a fairly bumpy-headed child. It's okay if he bumps his head. Kids bump their heads all the time.It was your first time babysitting. You did your best.I did!I know.You just have to watch them all the time.I did! I watched! I watched!I watched Monica bang his head against that thing!Monica did it?Did you notice anything weird about Ben today?No,why?I was just playing with him,and we were doing the "Alphabet Song"... ...which he's good at. But he left out "E" and "F."It's like they just,I don't know, fell out of his head.Really?Oh,and also,he's walking...... kind of funny.It's like his left leg is moving a lot faster than his right leg.Yeah,he's in there,just....Oh,my God! I wrecked your baby!I hope it's still funny when you're in hell.You jerk!-You know how much I love that kid! -Monica bang! Monica bang! I'll get the hat.I have something to tell you.And I want you to let me get through it...... because......it's not gonna be easy.I think you should go back with Gary.I don't want to be the guy that breaks up a family.You know,when my parents split up, it was because of that guy. Whenever I'd see him, I'd always think...... "You're the reason. You are why they're not together."And I hated that guy.And it didn't matter how nice he was or how happy he made my dad. It's the right thing to do.You're right.Oh,God. But before I can say goodbye......there's something I really need you to know.The way I feel about you......it's like I finally understand......what Lionel Ritchie's been singing about.You know? I mean,what we have......it's like movie love.You're my soul mate.I can't believe we're not gonna spend the rest of our lives together. Then don't leave me.What?Forget what I said! I was babbling! Pick me!No,you were right! I gotta give my marriage another chance.No,you don't!I say you have to give your divorce another chance!I'm sorry.Don't go.No,I gotta go.Honey. Honey.-People are looking. -I don't care.I don't care!Yeah,okay.I'm leaving now.You can't leave! I have your shoe!Goodbye,Chandler Bing.Rachel has those in burgundy.Remember,something this big and long will be very difficult to maneuver. Fortunately,I have experience in that area.Can we please focus here? A naked man's life hangs in the balance.I'm telling you,he's dead.What we're about to have here is a dead fat guy on a stick!All right,ladies and gentlemen, let's poke.Steady.Steady.Okay,a little higher.Careful of the angle.Okay,okay. We're approaching the window.Thread the needle. Thread the needle.He's alive! He's alive!And yet we're still poking him.Okay,retract the device! Retract the device!He does not look happy.Now he's showing us his poking device.Hey,that's never gonna make it all the way over here,buddy! I'll hold you close in my armsI can't resist your charmsAnd loveLoveI'll be a fool for youI'm sureYou know I don't mindOh,you know I don't mindYesYou mean the world to meOh,I know I knowI've found I've foundIn youMy endless loveMy endless love364。
Guys,look! Ugly Naked Guy's putting stuff in boxes.I'd say our naked buddy is moving.Ironically,most of the boxes seem to be labeled "Clothes."I'm going to miss that big old squishy butt.And we're done with the chicken fried rice.If he's moving,maybe I should try to get his place!It would be so cool to live across from you guys.We could do that telephone thing......where you have a can, we have a can......and it's connected by a string.Or we could do the actual telephone thing.He's got packing tape stuck to where you really don't want it.Get it off,fat man! Get it off!Oh,no,he's trying to pull it off slowly.Take it from me,if you're gonna pull tape off yourself,it's gotta be in one quick motion. Like that.The One Where Everyone Finds Out18Isn't it perfect?I can't believe I never realized how great it is!Because your eye goes to the big naked man.It's amazing!Hurry up with an application, or I'll beat you to it.Well,I'm going to use Ugly Naked Guy's bathroom.Look! There's Monica and Chandler.Hey,you guys! Hey.Chandler and Monica!Oh,my God!钱德和摩妮卡！Oh,my eyes!My eyes!It's okay!-They're doing it! -I know!-I know! -You know?Yes,I know it. Joey knows, but Ross doesn't,so stop screaming! What's going on?-What? -Nothing!We are so excited that you'll get this apartment!Looks really good.Looks pretty good!Get in here! Come on!中央咖啡馆You mean whenever Monica and Chandler......were doing laundry or going grocery shopping?The time Monica spent on the phone with Linda from camp? Doing it,doing it,phone,doing it.I can't believe it!I think it's great. For him.She could do better.Hey,you guys.Come here! What?Phoebe found out about Monica and Chandler.You mean how they're friends and nothing more?Joey, she knows.We saw them doing it through the window.Actually,we saw them doing it up against the window.We saw them fornicating.So they know you know, and they don't know that Rachel knows? Yes,but it doesn't matter who knows what.Now enough of us know that we could just tell them we know. All the lying and the secrets will finally be over.Or,we could not tell them we know, and have a little fun.What do you mean?If they say they are doing laundry, we'll give them laundry to do.I would enjoy that.You know what would be even more fun? Telling them.-That doesn't sound like fun. -So we'll make it fun.We'll do it like a barbershop quartet!We know,we know,we knowNo,I want to do Phoebe's thing.I can't takeYou don't have to do anything. Just don't tell them we know. No. I can't take anymore secrets.I got your secrets,their secrets, secrets of my own.You don't have any secrets.Well, you don't know about Hugsy, my bedtime penguin pal. How are we going to mess with them?You could use your position as the roommate.And I would use the strongest tool at my disposal. My sexuality.Hello,children.Watch. Learn. And don't eat my cookie.That jacket looks great on you.-Really? -The material is so soft.Hello,Mr. Bicep.You're working out?I try to squeeze things.Are you okay?If you really want to knowI can't tell you this.You can tell me anything.Actually,you are the one person I can't tell this to. And the one person I want to the most.What's going on?I just haven't been with a guy in so long......and sometimes you're looking for something... ...and it's right there in front of you,sipping coffee.... Oh,no. Have I said too much?Just something to think about. I know I will.You are so cute.How did you get to be so cute?My grandfather was Swedish.And my grandmother was a tiny little bunny.Now you're even cuter.-You know,that is a popular opinion today,I must say. -What?The weirdest thing happened at the coffeehouse.I think Phoebe was hitting on me.What are you talking about?I'm telling you I think Phoebe thinks I'm foxy.It's not possible.I'm sorry,Phoebe's just always thought you were charming......in a sexless kind of way.You know,I can't hear that enough.I'm sorry, I just think you misunderstood her.No, I didn't,okay? She was all over me.She touched my bicep, for crying out loud.This bicep?Well,it's not flexed right now.Why is it so hard for you to believe that Phoebe could be attracted to me? It's not.All the girls are attracted to you.You're part bunny.Mon, What are you doing now? you want to come see a movie with us? Actually,I was going to do some laundry.Want to do it with me?Sure,I'll do it with you.Okay,great. Hold on a second.Here you go.That would really help me out a lot. Thanks.You know what? I don't have enough quarters.I have quarters!Great. Now we can do laundry all night. All night laundry!Hey,any word on the apartment yet?I called there,and it turns out Naked Guy is subletting it.He's already had 100 applicants.-Oh,man. -No,no,it's okay.Because you know what the difference between them and me is?Your history of bedwetting?Hey,I trusted you,man!Anyway,the difference is......I've got the edge.It's not exactly ethical, but I sent him a bribe......to tip the scales in my direction.You can see it from the window.-Is it that pinball machine with the big bow on it? -No.-That new mountain bike? -No.What did you send?A basket of mini muffins.There's a whole table of them. Which one did you send?The small one.You actually thought that basket was going to get you the apartment? Someone sent us a basket at work, and people went crazy over those muffins. It was the best day.Your work makes me sad.Oh, man, I want that place so much!And I was so sure that was going to work.There's 12 bucks I'll never see again.We'd better go if we want to catch that movie.Bye.Bye, Chandler. I miss you already.Did you see that? The inappropriate, and the pinching?Actually,I did.So do you believe that she's attracted to me?Oh,my God! She knows about us!Are you serious?She knows,and she's trying to freak us out!That's the only explanation!But what about my pinchable butt and my bulging biceps?She knows!Joey!Yeah?Phoebe knows about us.I didn't tell them!Them?Who's "them"?Phoebe and Joey.Joey!And Rachel.I would have told you, but I promised not to tell.I'm sorry.But it's over now,right?You can tell them you know they know, and I can go back to knowing nothing!UnlessNot "unless"! This must end now!They think they are so slick messing with us.But they don't know that we know that they know.SoThe messers become the messees!Come on, you guys. Think how much fun it would be to tell.We know,we know,we knowWhat?Oh, that wasn't you.Honey,you got to stop torturing yourself.Why don't you find another apartment?I've already looked at 1000 apartments this month.None of them even compares to that one.Well,except for one,but I would have had to share it with an Armenian family. Grandma really liked me.But I want Ugly Naked apartment!You know what you should do?You should find out his hobbies and use that to bond with him.Like if I wanted something from Joey......I would strike up a conversation about sandwiches......or my underwear.I'm listening.That is a great idea!And I know Ugly Naked Guy because we've been watching him for five years. So that gives me back my edge!Let's see now. He had the trampoline.He broke that.-He had gravity boots. -He broke those too.So he likes to break stuff.I've got to go pick up Ben. But I will figure something out. Didn't he used to have a cat?I wouldn't bring that up. It would bum him out.Poor cat never saw that big butt coming.喂？Hold on a second, she's right here.It's Chandler.Hello,you.Phoebe, I've been thinking about you all day.You know that thing you said before? I was intrigued. Really?Joey won't be here tonight.Why don't you come over? I'll let you feel my bicep.Or maybe more.I'll have to get back to you on that. Okay, bye.He wants me to come over and feel his bicep and more! -Are you kidding? -No!I cannot believe he would do that to MonJoey? Do they know that we know?-No. -Joey!They know you know.I knew it!I would say,"Thank God! Everybody knows! It's finally over!"But that hasn't been working for me.I cannot believe those two!They thought they could mess with us? Trying to mess with us?They don't know that we know they know we know.Joey,you can't say anything.Couldn't if I wanted to.Good evening,sir. I'm Ross Geller. I'm one of the applicants.I realize that the competition is fierce but....I'm sorry, I can't help but notice that you're naked.I applaud you.Man,I wish I was naked.I mean,this looks so great.That is how God intended it.Look. They're panicked!They'll totally back down.If he wants a date, he's going to get a date.I'm going to go in.Be sexy.Please.I'd love to come by tonight.Really?Absolutely. Say,around 7?Yes.Good. I'm really looking forward to you and me having sexual intercourse. Hey,check it out!Naked Guy's got a naked friend.Oh, yeah.Oh,my God! That's our friend!It's Naked Ross!Would you like another mini muffin?Try the blueberry,they're delicious.Showtime!-Rachel,get me perfume. -Ok.Joey, can you get me a bottle of wine and glasses?All right,thanks,but glasses that do not have handles and that are glass.And wine that is not olive oil.You just make her think you want to have sex with her and it will freak her out. How far am I gonna have to go with her?Relax, she'll give in way before you do.How do you know?Because you're on my team. My team always wins.At this?Just go get some! Go!Now,I'm going to try to listen from right here.Oh,wait.Good idea.Don't give away the farm.菲比Come on in.I was going to.I brought some wine. Would you like some?Sure.So here we are.Nervous?Me? No. You?I want this to happen.So do l.I'm going to put on some music.Joey likes to scare the duck.Maybe I'll dance for you.You look good.Thanks.You know,when you say things like that,it makes me......want to rip that sweater vest right off.Why don't we move into the bedroom?Really?Do you not want to?First I want to take off all my clothes......and have you rub lotion on me.That would be nice.I'll go get the lotion.It's way out of hand. She wants me to put lotion on her!-She's bluffing! -She's not backing down.She went like thisHe's not backing down. He went to get lotion.It's Chandler. You can take him.Come on. Don't you remember when you made him cry using only your words?Aren't you guys done yet?I want to sit in my chair!The sooner Phoebe breaks him,the sooner it's over and out in the open.I like that.Show him your bra. He's afraid of bras. Can't work them.Joey!You didn't rip off any buttons.It's not my first time.Go back there and seduce her till she cracks!Give me a second.-Did you clean up in here? -Of course!You're going?Not without you,lover.So this is my bra.It's very,very nice.Well,come here.I'm very happy we're going to have all the sex.You should be. I'm very bendy.I'll kiss you now.Not if I kiss you first.I guess there's nothing left for us to do but kiss.Here it comes.Our first kiss.You win!I can't have sex with you!-And why not? -I'm in love with Monica!You're what?Love her! That's right！I...LOVE...HER!I love her!I love you,Monica.I love you too,Chandler.I thought you were doing it. I didn't know you were in love! Dude!Hats off to Phoebe. Quite a competitor.May I say your breasts are still showing.God.All right! So that's it?It's over. Everybody knows!Actually,Ross doesn't.We'd appreciate it if no one told him yet.Well,here it is.A new place for a new Ross.I'll have you and the guys from work over, once it's furnished.I must say it's nice to see you back on your feet.I am that, and the whole rage thing is definitely behind me.I wonder if it's time for you to rejoin our museum team? That would be great.I am totally ready to come back to work. I...What? No!What are you doing?Get off my sister!。
Ross kissed me.Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!It was unbelievable!Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!Let's hear everything.Monica, get the wine and unplug the phone.Rachel, does this end well or do we need to get tissues? It ended very well.Do not start without me! Do not start without me! Okay. All right. Let's hear about the kiss.Was it a soft brush against your lips......or was it a "I gotta have you now" kind of thing? Well, at first it was really intense, you know? And then.... Oh, God. And then we just sort of sunk into it.So was he holding you? Or were his hands on your back? No, actually, first they started out on my waist......and then they slid up and were in my hair.And......then I kissed her.Tongue?-Yeah. -Cool.-Yeah. -Cool.-Yeah. -Cool.All right, check out this bad boy!Twelve megabytes of RAM, 500-megabyte hard drive... ... built-in spreadsheet capabilities......and a modem that transmits at over 28,000 BPS.What will you use it for?Games and stuff.There are no jobs. There are no jobs for me.Oh, wait, here's one.-Would you be willing to cook naked? -There's an ad for a naked chef? No, but if you'll cook naked, then you might be willing to dance naked. And then....So how'd you make out last night?That is funny. That is painfully funny.No, wait, wait.Yeah, that's just painful.Wait a minute. I thought last night was great.Yeah, it was. But I get home......and I see Julie's saline solution on my night table......and I think, "My God! What am I doing?"Here I am with Julie, this incredible, great woman......who I care about and who cares about me......and I'm just throwing all that away?You got all that from saline solution?Wait. We're talking about Rachel. You and Rachel.I've been dreaming about me and Rachel for 10 years.But now I'm with Julie.So it's like, me and Julie, me and Rachel.Me and Julie, me and RachRachel! Rachel.-Hey, you. -How are you?Good. How are you?Good.-Hi, honey. -Hi, Julie. Hi, Julie?Julie!How are you?Good.So everybody's here.Everybody's good.Were you gonna play something?-Well, actually -Play it!All right.-Julie, I didn't know you wore lenses. -What?Okay. Hi.Hello. Hi. Okay.This is a song about a love triangle...... between three people I made up.It's called "Two of Them Kissed Last Night."There was a girl We'll call her BettyAnd a guy Let's call him NeilNow I can't stress This point too stronglyThis story isn't realNow our Neil must decide Who will be the girl that he casts aside Will Betty be the one Who he loves trulyOr will it be the one Who we'll call LoolieHe must decide He must decideEven though I made him up He must decideWell, this is a nice resume.Nice, nice, nice.Muy impressivo.Mr. Rastatter, what does this job entail? The ad wasn't clear. Macholate.-I'm sorry? -Macholate.It's a synthetic chocolate substitute.Go ahead, try a piece.We think Macholate is even better than chocolate.All right.I love how it crumbles.-You see, chocolate doesn't do that. -No, ma'am.We should be getting our FDA approval any day now.Hopefully, in time for Thanksgiving.The way we see it, chocolate dominates......your major food-preparation holidays. Easter, Christmas, what have you. But given the right marketing......we can make Thanksgiving the Macholate holiday.Wow.Aren't you gonna swallow that?Just waiting for it to stop bubbling.Isn't that great?Well, anyhow......we're looking for chefs who can create Thanksgiving recipes.You interested?Abso-...... -lutely!I love creating recipes, I love Thanksgiving, and now...... I love Macholate.Really?Especially that aftertaste. I tell you......that'll last you till Christmas.How about Macholate mousse?It's not......very Thanksgiving-y.How about Pilgrim Macholate mousse?What makes it Pilgrim?We'll put buckles on it.Did Ross call?No, I'm sorry.Why didn't he call?He's gonna stay with Julie.He's gonna stay with her and she'll be:"Hi, I'm Julie. Ross picked me.We'll get married and have lots of kids and dig up stuff together!" No offense, but that sounds nothing like her.What am I gonna do? This is like a complete nightmare!I know. This must be so hard. "Oh, no! Two women love me! They're both gorgeous sexy, my wallet's too small for my 50s... ...and my diamond shoes are too tight!"-Here's a thought -Don't ever touch the computer.Ross, listen. I got two words for you:Threesome.Let's get logical about this. We'll make a list."Rachel and Julie: Pros and Cons."We'll put their names in different fonts......and I can use different colors for each column.Can't we use a pen?No, Amish boy.Let's start with the cons because they're more fun.Rachel first.I don't know.I mean....All right, I guess you can say she's a little spoiled sometimes. You could say that.I guess, sometimes she's a little ditzy, you know?And I've seen her be a little too into her looks.And Julie and I have a lot in common...... because we're both paleontologists, right?But Rachel's just a waitress.Waitress.Got it. You guys want to play Doom?Or we could keep doing this.What else?I don't know.Oh! Her ankles are a little chubby.Okay, let's do Julie.What's wrong with her?She's not Rachel.This is pumpkin pie with a Macholate crust.This is Macholate cranberry cake, and these are Macholate-chip cookies. Just like the lndians served.Oh, my God!"Oh, my God" good?Oh, my God! I can't believe you let me put this in my mouth.Sweet Lord! This is what evil must taste like!I tell you, it won't print.I pressed that button, like, 100 times.For a hotline, you're not so hot.What is that in the background?Are you watching Star Trek?So did you break Julie's heart?It was horrible. She cried, I cried. She threw things, they hit me.I did the right thing.So Spock actually hugs his father?Hey, do you guys haveWhere you going?I just got back......from Julie's.No, no.It's not what you think.It's the other thing.Well, what's the other thing? What do I think?Well....He broke up with Julie!Well, go hug her, for God's sakes!Really?Really.It's always been you, Rach.Oh, God.Oh, this is good.-This is really good. -I know. I know.It's almost....What do you say we take a walk? Just us. Not them.-Let me get my coat. -Okay. No, hey!I'll get your coat.He's going to get my coat. He's going to get my coat, Joey!Joey, I can't believe this! This is unbelievable!-What's that? -What? Nothing!-I saw my name. What is it? -No, no, see? See?It's printing!It's printing!What is it?Let me see!Hey, someone order a coat?Chandler wrote something about me on her computer and won't let me see. He won't? He won't!Because isn't that......the short story you were writing?Yes, it is a short story......that I was writing.And I'm in it? Let me read it.No!-Come on! -Hey, why don't you read it to her?All right."It was summer.And it was hot.Rachel was there.A lonely gray couch.'Oh, look!' cried Ned.And the kingdom was his forever. The end!"That's all you wrote? You're the worst writer in the world! This isn't funny anymore.There's something about me on that paper, and I want to see it. No, you don't.All right, fine. If you guys want to be children, that's fine.I do not need to see it!What is this?That is....What is this?-Thank you. -Good luck.Okay. Just remember how crazy I am about you, okay? "Kind of ditzy"?"Too into her looks"?"Spoiled"?A little spoiled. He was supposed to type "little," the idiot!"Just a waitress"?Now that was....I mean, as opposed to....Okay, is this over yet? Rach?I do not have chubby ankles!No! IOkay, look at the other side. Look at Julie's column."She's not Rachem"?What the hell's a Rachem?Is that a stupid paleontology word...... I wouldn't know, because I'm just a waitress?Rach, come on!It's "She's not Rachel"!She's not....My diary! That's Brilliant!If I'd said it was my diary, she wouldn't have made me read my diary. That's true. You'd be a great person to have around after an emergency.I cannot believe Ross even made this list.-I know. -What a dinkus!Hey, cut him some slack. It was Chandler's idea.What?Oh, good. I was hoping that would come up.This was your idea?Let's get some perspective here. These things happen for a reason. Yeah. You!Pheebs, back me up. You believe in that karma crap, don't you?By the way, good luck in your next life as a dung beetle.Rach!Hey! Open up! Please?When somebody does not buzz you in, Ross, that means, "Go away." It doesn't mean, "Climb up the fire escape."I just want to read you your "Pro List."Not interested."Number one: the way you cry at game shows.Number two: how much you love your friends.Number three: the way you play with your hair when you're nervous. Number four: how brave you are for starting your life over. Number five: how great you are with Ben.Number six: the way you smell."What are you doing?You want to open the window?Oh, yeah.-What are you doing out there? -I'm....You must be freezing. You know what you need?How about a nice, steaming cup of hot Macholate?Come on, open up.Rach, come on. You gotta give me another chance.No.-No? -That's what I said.Maybe we should go.You don't have to go. We're done talking.I know how you mustNo! You don't, Ross.Imagine the worst things you think about yourself.How would you feel if the person you trusted most in the world... ... not only thinks them too...... but actually uses them as reasons not to be with you.No, but see, I want to be with you in spite of all those things.Well, that's mighty big of you.I said, don't go!You know what?If it were the other way around, there is nothing you could put on a list... ...that would make me not want to be with you.Well, then I guess that's the difference between us.See, I'd never make a list.I never know how long to wait in this situation before you can talk again. Maybe a little longer.In these recipes, the quantities may seem a little unusual.Like these coconut Macholate holiday nut bars?I've indicated four cups of coconut and four cups of nuts......and only one tablespoon of Macholate.Doesn't matter.Our FDA approval didn't come through.Something about laboratory rats.Gosh, I'm sorry.Yeah.Anyhow, here's your check.Thank you for all the trouble you went through.Listen, you didn't eat a lot of it while you were cooking, did you? Well, I ate some.Oh, some is fine. Some is not a lot.So it doesn't burn when you pee, does it?Is that him again?Tell him I'd come to the phone, but my ankles are weighing me down.I don't think this is the best time.Look, can you do something for me?Sure. What?All right.Music?Sure.The next one's dedicated to Rachel from Ross.Rachel, he wants you to know he's sorry for what he did......and he hopes you can finally forgive him.See the stones set in your eyesSee the thorn twist in your sideI'll wait for youSleight of hand and twist of fateOn a bed of nails she makes me waitAnd I'll wait without youWe've just gotten a call from Rachel and she told us what Ross did.It's pretty appalling. And, Ross, if you're listening......I don't want to play your song anymore.Why don't we devote our time to a couple that stands a chance? Avery, Michelle's sorry she hit you with her car......and she hopes you two will work it out. There's a room whereI can goAnd tell my secrets toIn my roomIn my roomThanks for coming in again.Not at all. I have no morals, and I need the cash. It's like I'm looking in a mirror.Anyway, they're called Fish-tachios.They taste exactly like pistachios...... but they're made of reconstituted fish bits. Here, try one.-All right. -You're not allergic to anything?Cat hair.Oh, sorry.。
Wow! You look nice. What's the occasion?Monica and I are celebrating our 10-month anniversary.Got reservations at Jean-George.How'd you get in?Made a few calls, pulled some strings......and they'll seat us if we both have chicken and don't get dessert. -Hi,Chandler. -Hey,Caitlin.Somebody got a haircut.I hate it. I look like an 8-year-old boy.If that was true, gym class would've been more interesting.-It's $27 even. -Okay. Here you go.Where's the chicken?It's in the back. The duck pissed him off.He said that eggs came first.-Thanks. I'll see you later. -Bye.What the hell was that?-What? -The flirting.Aren't you supposed to be going out with, let's see, my sister?I wasn't flirting.It was totally flirting! "Somebody got a haircut...."First of all, the impression? Uncanny.Second, that wasn't flirting. That was just casual conversation. Yeah, right.You wanna see flirting? I'll show you.I'm good.The One Where Ross Can't Flirt29-He's gonna be on Law and Order! -I know.Don't you think it should be called Order and Law?No,because they arrest the guy and then try him.Don't get me started on that.-I was not flirting. -And on your anniversary. For shame!What's going on?He was hitting on the hot delivery girl.I was not. And oh, God!You were. If anyone should be hitting on her......it's the guy who's single......the guy who can do something about it.Sounds like someone wants to be Mr. Pizza Delivery Girl.Is that what this is about? You like Caitlin?Ross, we broke up two years ago. You've been married since then.I think it's okay that we see other people.I was watching her at the pizza place.And she was just so sexy and funny and has the cutest littleWe don't need her measurements.Pepperoni,pepperoni,pepperoni.She's pretty and you love her, but is she stupid?She forgot my vegetarian.This is perfect. She'll have to come back here with your pizza. And when she does, I will turn on the charm "au" Ross.I am so glad you don't eat meat.See? Vegetarianism benefits everyone.Hey,everybody,look who's here! You remember my grandmother. -Big night! -Yeah,it's so cool.Joey on Law and Order. You must be proud.She doesn't understand a word of English.I thought you were Joey's other grandmother.I've done it again.Nonnie's my biggest fan.She's the only one in the family who's always believed in me. Si. Big star.My big fat Joey star.Yeah,I weighed,like, 27 pounds when I was born.-Happy anniversary! -Happy anniversary,10 months.In the shower I was thinking about our first night in London. Joey's grandmother's right there.-The one who speaks English? -The one who doesn't.That was some hot love you gave me.-I'll get ready. -Wear those earrings I got you.That's a great idea. I was saving them for something special.-You've got to go home. -But I like it here.Get the earrings you borrowed. He wants me to wear them.I think they're in my purse. Go get dressed and I'll look for them.I need those earrings you borrowed.Yeah,I'll be right back.Phoebe,you speak ltalian?I guess so.-Here you go. -Thanks. Where's the other one?Oh,what, you want both of them? That's a little greedy, don't you think? Rachel Karen Greene, where's the other one?Look, just don't freak out, but I kind of lost it.I know it's in the apartment, but I definitely lost it.What'll I tell Monica? She wants to wear them tonight.-Tell her to wear her own earrings. -These are her earrings.不会吧…You lent me her earrings? I'm not allowed to borrow her stuff!-Why not? -Because I lose her stuff!You see that blind guy? I'm gonna bash his head in later.My big scene's coming up. The big scene coming up.If you said, "Big lima bean bubbling up," would she know the difference? What are you doing?Oh, I just can't watch. It's too scary.It's a diaper commercial.Yeah,well,you know me. Babies,responsibilities....-Pizza delivery. -I'll get it! I will get that!How does my hair look?Ross,it hasn't moved since 1996.One vegetarian pizza. It's 12.50.By the way,if it makes you feel any better......I happen to like 8-year-old boys.What?Your hair. Before. Your hair.You said you thought your hair looked like an 8-year-old boy's......and I'm just saying I like it.The hair.Thanks.You understand,I don't actually like 8-year-old boys.All I'm looking for is the money.Here you go. Stop bringing us pizzas,you.I'm gonna try.You're welcome.You couldn't let me have her, could you?This is a girl I really like, and you had to swoop in there!What?Chandler was flirting with the hot delivery girl.Thank you for that.I was not flirting.It's okay. I don't care. That's fine.Really?It's no big deal. I do it all the time.You flirt with guys all the time?It doesn't mean anything. Just like it doesn't mean anything with you. There's a difference. You're a lot hotter.True story.This actually bothers you?Yes, and I think it'd bother a lot of people.When you and Ross dated......did it bother you when he flirted with other women?No,it bothered me when he slept with other women.And thank you for that.I never had to worry.He was never good at the flirting thing.What?What are you talking about? It worked with you.No, you're right.We met,you flirted and then bam! Nine years later, you had me. All right.You know what I'll do? I'll order another pizza.And when Caitlin gets here......I will show you how well I flirt.I will get her phone number.And not the one on the menu.-I found it. -Thank God! Where was it?On your dresser.Okay, that is the one we already have.Here's my big scene. My big scene's here.-Wanna bet nobody heard anything? -No bet.Anybody home?-Oh,my God. -What?Everybody keep smiling. It'll kill my grandmother if she finds out. What is it?They cut me out of the show.What?-Are you sure? -Maybe your scene's coming up.Not likely. Because you see that body bag right there?I'm in it.This is terrible. What'll you do?I don't know. This little old lady lives for my career.When they dumped me off Days of Our Lives,she almost died. That's not good.-Yeah,we had to get her a home nurse. -Oh,my God.Yeah, she almost died and got really expensive.You're not smiling. Not that face! Everybody smile!Just tell her what happened. It's not your fault.If we keep talking this way, won't we freak her out soon? Soon. I'm gonna be on soon.There I am!Sam Waterston!No,no. That's me. That's me!No. Sam Waterston.Crime Misdemeanor, Capricorn One.She doesn't know "hello," but she knows Capricorn One.I need those earrings. We're leaving when the show's over. But I already gave them back to you.No,you didn't.I already didn't gave them back to you. That's what I said. Where's that other earring?It's not here,Phoebe. It's not here.I went to Chandler's last night.Make sure you check Chandler's jewelry box.Chandler has a jewelry box?We have 10 minutes. Do you want me to get into that now?Hey,Phoebe.How's that......vegetarian pizza working out for you?You and those vegetables have a real......thing going on,huh?Why are you being weird?Do you like it?No. That'd be, "Why are you being cute?"Okay. I'm working on my flirting.I did not get that.So, Monica, do you like Law and Order?Yeah,it's good.I found out all this stuff about you. You like Law and Order... ...and you've flirted with every guy in the tri-state area. Okay,let me get this straight.It's okay for you to flirt, but not for me?I'm glad we cleared that up.I'm sorry, but some things are different for men and women. Teach me about men and women.I've already taught you so much already, but whatever.When you flirt with a guy, you think,"No big deal."But he thinks,"Finally! Somebody who wants to sleep with me." -No way! -It's true.-Well,that's pathetic. -Again,true.-This goes for all guys? -All guys that are awake.We go to sleep.All guys from the other end of the world wake up and act the same way. It's another commercial and I still haven't told her.Joey,this is the last commercial.-You got 10 minutes left. -I know!What am I gonna do?You will not run out and leave her here.Yeah,all right.乔伊？Joey's gonna be right back. Right back?Meanwhile,let's talk about you.So you're old and small.-Did you find it? -The earring,no.But I found my sunglasses.I've been looking for these since last summer.Those are mine. You borrowed them from me.Okay. Calm down. Here they are.菲比-What do we do? -I don't know. I don't know!We'll just have to tell Monica,that's all.Oh,God! She's gonna kill me.I could tell her it was all my fault.Oh,that'd be great.Mon, could I talk to you?Yeah. What is it?I lost one of your earrings.I'm sorry. I am so,so sorry.All right,what can you do? If you lost it, you lost it.I'll replace it. I promise. I feel so terrible.That's fine. You didn't do it on purpose.Look at you. Come here.-You feel better? -Yeah. You're the best.Okay, wait a minute.I can't do this.Listen, honey, it's not Phoebe's fault.She lent me the earrings.I lost it. I'm so sorry,honey. I feel terrible too.That is exactly why I do not lend you stuff!First,my jewelry. If it's not that,it's my sweater.And if it's not that, it's my sunglasses.-Your sunglasses? -Yes！Oh,right.-Pizza. -Mine,mine,mine!Okay,here goes.Prepare yourselves for some class-A flirting.Okay,hold on.Okay.You have nothing to prove.And if you really like this girl, I don't think flirting is the right way You'll see. Okay.What's her name?Caitlin!We can't keep eating like this.It's $12.50.Okay.Do you make the pizzas in one of those wood-burning ovens? No,actually,I think they're gas.Gas?Intense.If this is how all the Gellers flirt, we don't have a problem. You know that smell gas has?-Yeah. -They put that in.-What? -The gas is odorless.But they add the smell so you know when there's a leak. Well,okay.A lot of other gas smells.Oh,the humanity!Methane smells....You know what? Actually, I really should go.-But I haven't paid you yet. -That's okay.You guys have ordered so many that this one's on me.Was I talking to her about gas?More so than anything else.I found it interesting.I'm sorry. No.Don't worry about it.In nine years,she and l will be right there!I'm gonna clear out some of these boxes.-Ross? -Yeah? -What else do they add smell to?Caitlin! Caitlin!Hi,I'm Rachel.From upstairs? The ones with all the pizza?Was there a problem?No,they're fine. Great pizza.But,actually,my friend Ross......he gets nervous when he's flirting.Oh,my God!-That was flirting? -Yeah.I know,I know.I'm telling you, once you get past that part......where it feels like you wanna die......he's a really good person.The guy with the gas?I'm telling you,he's really sweet and really funny......and he's just got a good heart.You know,actually,I did think that he was cute and then he started talking. See,there you go.-Besides, I think he really likes you. -Really?Well,we have seven people and 10 pizzas. What do you think?I thought Joey was there.Yeah, no, but just I'm telling you he's worth a shot.Well, if he's so great why don't you go out with him?Well,you know,at some point......you and I may need to have a longer conversation.Hey, Ross?I just ran into Caitlin in the hallway.You must be getting better at this flirting stuff than I thought. -What? -I don't get it,but she wanted me......to give you her number.And she just gave you this?Rach, thanks. But I don't need you doing me any favors.I didn't. She thought you were cute.Well,that I can believe.Hey,is the show still on?Almost over,man.Hey,Nonnie.Is that the pope?Why am I looking?Oh, here I am! This is my big scene.All right, back off!I got a gun!I'm not afraid to use it.-Joey! That's right, Nonnie.You couldn't have at least changed your shirt?Now, I want a suitcase filled with $ 100,000Filled with $ 100,000 in small bills.And if I don't get Shoo!And if I don't get it......I'll shoot this duck!Oh,no!I'm coming out!And she's supposed to buy this?Joey, bravo!Ground control to Major TomCommencing countdownEnginesOnThat's scenes from next week's show. Next week.I am definitely gonna watch that.Do these look the same?-Definitely. -Not as each other.Then,no.-Hey,you ready? -Yeah.You look amazing. I'm the luckiest man in the world. You're about to get a little luckier.-Let me see the earrings. -Right,the earrings.They look great.Does your boyfriend have the best taste or what?My boyfriend really does have great taste.Thanks for picking out the earrings.。
- She totally winked at me! - She did not wink at you.You always think somebody's winking at you.Huh.Huh.I say "Tupelo Honey" by Van Morrison.No way!The most romantic song ever was "The Way We Were."Ah, I think the one that Elton John wrote for, um, that guy on Who's the Boss? - What song was that? - Um.[SINGING] Hold me close, young Tony DanzaPHOEBE: Hi, Monica. ROSS: Hi, Mon.RACHEL: Hey, Mon.Oh, my God!- Has she slept at all? ROSS: Nope.It's been three nights in a row.It's been three nights in a row.She finally stopped crying yesterday.But then she found one of Richard's cigar butts on the terrace...But then she found one of Richard's cigar butts on the terrace...Oh. Okay, that explains it. I got a call at 2 in the morning......and all I could hear was this squeaky sound.So I thought, "Oh, it's a mouse or a possum."Then I realized, like, okay......where would a mouse or a possum get the money to make the phone call? CHANDLER: Morning. - Morning. Hey.You made pancakes?You made pancakes?Yeah, like there's any way I could ever do that. [SINGING] Monica and Rachel had syrupUh, uh Now I can get my man to cheer upUh, uh Now I can get my man to cheer upGood morning, Joey.Good morning.Here's a thought.Why don't you stay home from work and just hang out with me? Oh, I wish.You have that report to finish, and I've got to see my lawyer.I can't believe I date a girl who's getting divorced.- I'm such a grownup. - Ha-ha-ha.I gotta go, I gotta go.Not without a kiss.Maybe I won't kiss you so you'll stay.Kiss her. Kiss her!Kiss her. Kiss her!I'll see you later, sweetie. Bye, Joey.[MOCKING TONE] Bye-bye, Janice.So when are you dumping her?Nope.Not this time.Heh. Come on, quit yanking me.I'm not yanking you.- This is Janice. - Yeah, I know.She makes me happy.She makes me happy.Okay. All right.You look me in the eye and tell me, without blinking......that you're not breaking up with her. No blinking....that you're not breaking up with her. No blinking.I'm not breaking up with her!I'm not breaking up with her![MOUTHS] What's that?God, look what I found in the drain!What?It's some of Richard's hair!What do I do with this?Getting it away from me would be job one.It's weird, but I don't want to throw this away.This is all I have left of him.Gross......drain hair....drain hair.Cool! Oh, it looks like a tiny little person drowning in your cereal. Cool! Oh, it looks like a tiny little person drowning in your cereal. - God, what is wrong with me? - You need to get some sleep.I need to get some Richard.You broke up with him for a reason.I know. I know. I'm just so tired of missing him.Tired of wondering why he hasn't called. Why hasn't he?Maybe because you told him not to?What are you, the Memory Woman?They're not breaking up! Chandler and Janice?They're not breaking up! He didn't blink!I'm not surprised. Have you seen them together?They're really cute."Cute"? This is Janice!You remember Janice?Yes, I remember. She's annoying. But you know what?She's his girlfriend now. I mean, what can we do?There you go! That's the spirit I'm looking for! "What can we do?" There you go! That's the spirit I'm looking for! "What can we do?" All right, who's first, huh? Ross?Chandler's our friend, and Janice makes him happy.So I say we be adult about it and accept her.We'll call that Plan B.Honey......I was wondering... - Mm....do you still have that, um, Navy uniform?No, I had to return it to the costume place.No, I had to return it to the costume place.I think I have an old band uniform from high school.You remember not having sex in high school, right?Yeah.Well, honey, what about you?- What? - I mean...- What? - I mean...Do you have any fun, you know, fantasy-type things?No.Come on. You gotta have one.Nope.- Ross, you know what? - What?If you tell me, I might do it.If you tell me, I might do it.Okay.Okay.Did you ever see, um, Return of the Jedi?Yeah.Do you remember the scene......with, um, Jabba the Hutt?Jabba had as his prisoner......Princess Leia....Princess Leia.Princess Leia was wearing......this, um, gold bikini thing.It was pretty cool.Yeah, Princess Leia and the gold bikini? Oh, every guy our age loved that. - Really? - Mm-hm. Mm.It's huge! That's the moment when she stopped being a princess......and she became, like, you know, a woman.Did you ever do the Leia thing?Oh, yeah. Mm-hm.Oh, yeah. Mm-hm.Really? That great, huh?No, it's just that I got this new pager, and I have it on "vibrate." No, it's just that I got this new pager, and I have it on "vibrate." See you.Hey.RACHEL: Hi, you guys!Look who I found standing outside the Szechuan Dragon... ...staring at a parking meter.- Ahem. Mon. Hi. - Hi.- Why aren't you at work? - Oh, they sent me home.Why?Because I don't work at the Szechuan Dragon.RACHEL: You really need to get some sleep.I know I do.- Hi. - Hi.Guess what? They published my paper.- Oh! Really? Let me see, let me see. - Uh-huh.Rach, look!RACHEL: No. - Ooh.Hi. Ha, ha.Hi. Ha, ha.Where is my strong Ross Skywalker to come rescue me? Where is my strong Ross Skywalker to come rescue me? There he is!- Hey. - Wheel!- Of! - Fortune!This guy's so stupid.It's Count Rushmore!You should really go on this show.I got three tickets to the Rangers tonight. What do you say?I say I am there!Cool! Oh.Is Ross going too?No. Janice.Janice?Because I just feel bad for Ross, you know?We always go together. We're like The Three Hockey-teers, you know?I may be way out on a limb here, but do you have a problem with Janice? No!Yes...Oh, God, how do I say this? Uh...Oh, God, how do I say this? Uh...You know that girl from the restaurant with the hair?Ooh! That girl that I hate? Ugh! She drives me crazy. Ew.Ooh! That girl that I hate? Ugh! She drives me crazy. Ew.Look, I don't hate Janice. She's just a lot to take, you know?- Well, there you go. - Oh.Don't look at me like that.She drove you nuts before too, remember?I'm crazy about her now. This could be the real thing.Capital R, capital T!Don't worry, those are the right letters.Look, what do you want me to say?I want you to say that you like her!I can't. It's like this chemical thing, you know?Every time she starts laughing, I just wanna......pull my arm off so I have something to throw at her.Thanks for trying.Thanks for trying.Oh, and by the way, there is no Count Rushmore!Then who's the guy that painted the faces on the mountain?- Ugh. - How could you tell her?I didn't think it would be that big a deal!Oh. She didn't think it would be a big deal!Who are you talking to when you do that?Look, that was supposed to be a private, personal thing between us. Phoebe is my girlfriend, okay? We tell each other everything. Guys do the same thing.I mean, what about all that locker-room stuff?That's different. That's like, uh, who dated a stripper?Or who did it on the back of the Staten Island ferry?- Both of those Joey? - Yeah.- Both of those Joey? - Yeah.But you don't talk about your girlfriend......and the intimate stuff you do with her.- Not even with your best friend? - No.That is so sad.You're missing out on so much.I mean, the bonding and the sharing......and knowing they're going through the same thing you are.Oh. So, what, you tell each other everything?Pretty much.Did you talk about the Night of Five Times?Do you tell people about the Night of Five Times?Uh, honey, that was with Carol.I know, but it's still worth mentioning, I think.Relax every muscle in your body.Relax every muscle in your body.Listen to the plinky-plunky music.Okay, now close your eyes......and think of a happy place.Tell me your happy place.Richard's living room, drinking wine.No, no, no. Not a Richard thing. Just put down the glass and get out. I'm sorry, but that's my happy place.Okay, fine. Use my happy place. Just don't move anything in there. I'll try not to.Okay. All right, so, you're in a meadow...lions of stars in the sky...You think breaking up was a mistake?There are no questions in the happy place.Just the warm breeze and the moonlight flowing through the trees. I'll bet he's over me. I'll bet he's fine.Betting and wagering of any kind are not permitted in the happy place. Okay?There's just, you know, the lovely waterfalls......and the trickling fountains......and the calming sounds of the babbling brook.- Okay, this isn't working. - Oh.I'm still awake, and now I have to pee.I'm still awake, and now I have to pee.So I hear......you hate me!I, uh, never said hate. I was very careful about that.A little birdie told me you wanting to rip your arm off and throw it at me. And you got "hate" from that? You're taking a big leap there, I, uh...All right, fine, fine, fine!We have got to do something about our little situation here.So this is my idea.You and me spending some quality time together.But what does that...?For Chandler!Okay. I'm in.Okay! This is what we'll call it: Joey and Janice's Day of Fun!Does it have to be a day?Yes, because that's how long it takes to love me.Yeah, I know. Ha. I sleep in the next room.I went down to the post office......and it turns out it was those videos that I ordered......for Richard about the Civil War.He loved the Civil War.He loved the Civil War.Do you want us to take you home?Do you want us to take you home?Do you want us to take you home?Or maybe to a galaxy far, far away.Women tell each other everything. Did you know that? Ha, ha. Yeah.No, Chandler, everything.Like stuff you like. Stuff she likes.Technique. Stamina. Girth.Girth?Why? Why? Why?Why would they do this?Rachel says sharing's great and supposedly......we ought to be doing it.Uh, do you want to?- We're not gonna talk about girth? - No.- Yeah. Okay. Yeah. - Yeah?All right, you go first.- Okay. Okay, I'll go first. - Okay.So, uh, the other night......Rachel and I are in bed talking about fantasies... ...and I happened to describe a particular......Star Wars thing...- Princess Leia and the gold bikini. - Yes.- I know! - Yes.- I know! - Yes.- Well, that was easy. Ha, ha. - Ha, ha.Okay, you go.- Okay. - Okay.Okay, you know when you're in bed with a woman...Okay, you know when you're in bed with a woman......and, uh, ahem, you know, you're fooling around......and you get all these mental images in your brain?Like Elle MacPherson or the girl at the Xerox place?- With the bellybutton ring? Oh. - Oh! I know.And then all of a sudden, your mom pops into your head.And then all of a sudden, your mom pops into your head.And you're, like, "Mom, get out of here!"But after that, you can't think of anything else.And you can't stop what you're doing. So it's kind of like you're... ...you know, you know...You don't know!Your mom?You're telling me about your mom? What's the matter with you? - You said... - I said "share," not "scare"!Go sit over there!- We're back! JOEY: Hey.What are you guys doing together?Joey and Janice's Day of Fun!Joey and Janice's Day of Fun!- Really? JOEY: Yeah, yeah.We went to a Mets game. We got Chinese food.And, uh, you know, I love this woman. Ha-ha-ha.And, uh, you know, I love this woman. Ha-ha-ha.You have got competition, buddy.You have got competition, buddy.Well, I just came by to give you a kiss.Well, I just came by to give you a kiss.I have to go pick up the baby. So I'll see you later, sweetheart.You too, Chandler.You too, Chandler.You too, Chandler.- You still can't stand her, can you? - I'm sorry, man. I tried! I really did! - You still can't stand her, can you? - I'm sorry, man. I tried! I really did!I appreciate you giving it a shot.But you know, the good thing......is that we spent the whole day together and I survived.And what's even more amazing, so did she. Ha, ha.It was Bat Day at Shea Stadium.I guess that's something.Oh, man, that's huge!Now I know I can stand to be around her. Which means......I get to hang out with you.Which is kind of the whole point anyway. Ha, ha.Okay.Oh, hey! We, uh, stopped by the coffee shop and, uh, ran into Ross. Oh, God.If it makes you feel any better, I do it too.If it makes you feel any better, I do it too.- Really? - Oh, yeah!I always picture your mom when I'm having sex.MAN [ON TV]: April 12, 1861.The United States garrison at Fort Sumter was fired upon.The United States garrison at Fort Sumter was fired upon.It is now under bombardment by...It is now under bombardment by...It is now under bombardment by...Dad, what are you doing here?It's your mother's bridge night, so I came into the city for a Moni-cuddle. It's your mother's bridge night, so I came into the city for a Moni-cuddle. Since when did you start smoking cigars?I don't. I just like the smell of them.So, uh, what are you really doing here?I just wanted to make sure you're okay.Why wouldn't I be okay?I saw Richard.I saw Richard.So how you doing?I'm fine.I'm just a little tired, but I'm okay.- Ahem. How's Richard doing? - You don't want to know.No, I really, really do.Well, he's doing terrible!Really?Worse than when he broke up with Barbara.- You're not just saying that, are you? - No, the man is a mess!- Was he crying? - No.Do you think he was waiting till after you left, so he could cry? Maybe.I think so.Honey, relationships are hard. Like with your mom and me.You know, after we graduated from college, we broke up for a while. It seems her father, your grandfather......wanted her to travel around Europe like he did.Of course, he got to do it on Uncle Sam's nickel......because he was also strafing German troop trains at the time. However...However...However...Okay, here we go.I am Jabba's prisoner. And you......have a really weird look on your face.What? Honey, what is it?Did I get the hair wrong?Or what? Did you just picture it differently? What?No, no. It's, um... It's not you. It's, um...What is it? Come on, sweetie. You're, like, freaking me out here.What is it? Come on, sweetie. You're, like, freaking me out here.I hate Chandler. The bastard ruined my life!。
Monica,that was the best Thanksgiving dinner ever.It was so good. I think you killed us.I couldn't possibly eat another bite.I need something sweet.Does anyone want to watch TV?Monica,your remote doesn't work.You have to lift it and point.Oh,forget it.Let's play that game where everyone says one thing they're thankful for.I am thankful for this beautiful fall we've been having.Very nice.The other day, I was at the bus stop......and this lovely fall breeze came and blew this chick's skirt up. Which reminds me, I'm also thankful for thongs.The One with the Thanksgiving Flashbacks17It's amazing......how much they can do with so little material.And they play with your mind. Is it there? Is it not there?Are you aware that you're still talking?Is anyone thankful for anything else besides a thong?I don't know. Am I more thankful for my divorce or my eviction?And I didn't think you'd be able to come up with anything.I'm sorry. This is the worst Thanksgiving ever.I am the king of bad Thanksgivings.You can't swoop in with your bad marriage and take that away from me.You're not going to tell about your parents' divorce again,are you? Come on! I want to hear it.It wouldn't be Thanksgiving without Chandler bumming us out.It's a tradition,like the parade.If the parade decided it was gay and abandoned its family.33...just because we're getting a divorce......doesn't mean we don't love you.It just means......he would rather sleep with the houseboy than with me.More turkey,Mr. Chandler?Every time you tell that story, that guy's accent gets thicker and thicker. So are he and your dad still together?No. After they got their own place, the houseboy got his own houseboy. Should have heard his accent.You're right,yours is worse. You're the king of bad Thanksgivings.I've got one that's worse.Really? Worse than, "More turkey,Mr. Chandler?"Did the little rich boy have a problem with the butler?Yes,mine's worse!“1862年感恩节”More bandages!More bandages!Please,can I get some more bandages in here?This man isOh，noIn this life,Phoebe.Oh,this life. Oh,okay.No,Chandler's is worse.It must be cool remembering stuff like that.I don't have any past-life memories.Of course,you don't,sweetie. You're brand-new.I know Monica's worst Thanksgiving.Let's not tell this story.I know!It's the one where Joey got Monica's turkey stuck on his head. Joey got a turkey stuck on his head?It's not like it sounds.It's exactly like it sounds.“1992年感恩节”菲比？What's going on?你看Oh,my God!I know!It's stuck!Step.How did it get on?I put it on to scare Chandler.Oh,my God! Monica's going to totally freak out!Help me get it off!Plus,it smells really bad in here.Of course it smells bad. You have your head up a dead animal's ass. 是摩妮卡Did you get the turkey?Oh,my God!Who is that?It's Joey.Is this supposed to be funny?It's not supposed to be funny. It's supposed to be scary.Get that off now!I can't. It's stuck!It has to feed 20 people. They're not going to eat it off your head! Hold on.Let's just all think.I got it!You pull.I'll spread the legs as wide as I can.Now is not the time. Sorry.Count to three. One......two......three!It worked! I scared you! I knew it!I'm here,big guy.Yeah,you are!I scared you!You did look like an idiot.I wasn't the only one who looked like an idiot.Remember when Ross tried to say "butternut squash"......and it came out, "squatternut bosh"?Yeah,that's the same.That's it. That's my worst Thanksgiving.That can't be the one Rachel meant.She didn't even know that happened.So,what's yours?I really don't want to tell this story.Reliving pain and getting depressed is what Thanksgiving's all about. For me,anyway.And,of course,the lndians.Of all people,you do not want me to tell this story.What is that supposed to mean?119Happy Thanksgiving!Not for me.Chip and I broke up.Why?What happened?My parents are out of town, and Chip was going to come over.And you were going to give him......your "flower."Monica,can you just call it sex?It really creeps me out when you call it that.And by the way......while we're at it,a guy's thing is not called his "tenderness."Believe me.Happy Thanksgiving.天哪Everyone......this is Chandler.My roommate......and lead singer of our band.罗斯This is Monica.I'm Ross' little sister.好I'm so glad you could come.We've got plenty of food, so I hope you're hungry.Chandler hates Thanksgiving and doesn't eat any Thanksgiving food.I'm so glad you brought him here.I can make you some macaroni and cheese for dinner.As long as the Pilgrims didn't eat it.Damn it!Does it feel weird around here now?You know,since I've been away at college?那倒不会That's cool.那你…So that's Rachel,the girl you've been writing all those songs about?Might want to rethink the lyrics to "She Feels Weird Since I've Been Gone."I cannot believe Chip dumped me for that slut Nancy Branson!I am never going out with him again. I don't care how much he begs. His begging days are over,now that he's with Nancy Branson.I've just had it with high-school boys.They're just silly.They're just silly,stupid boys.I'll start dating men.I'm sorry,Judy.I couldn't find that bowl you and Jack were looking for.Call them Mom and Dad,you loser.摩妮卡钱德Did you like the macaroni and cheese?It was great. You should be a chef.好啊Guess what.All this stuff about Nancy being a slut was all a rumor.Chip dumped her,and he wants to come over to my house!-That is so great! -I know.Oh,gosh. Listen, if you and Chip do it tonight......promise me you'll tell me everything.Totally. It's not that big a deal. We already kind of did it once.But now you'll definitely know whether or not you did it.I know.And Chip promised that this time it'd last at least for an entire song. I'm thinking of asking Rachel out tonight......maybe playing her that song we wrote last week."Emotional Knapsack"? Yes. Right on!But don't take long. We're testing our fake lD's tonight. Right,Clifford Alvarez?Listen,Roland Cheng......if things go well, I may be out with her all night.Dude,don't do that to me.It's cool,you can stay here. My parents won't mind.It's not that. I just don't want to be stuck here with your fat sister. Why don't you finish off these pies?I don't have any more room in the fridge.No,thank you.Judy,you did it.She's finally full!I called you fat?-I don't even remember that. -Maybe it'd jog your memory... ...if you guys played a little bit of "Emotional Knapsack."I'm so sorry. I really am.I was an idiot back then.I rushed the stage at a Wham concert, for crying out loud!I can't believe you called her fat.I can't believe you let George Michael slap you.I am really sorry.That is terrible. I'm so sorry.That's not the Thanksgiving I was talking about.Yes,it was.No,it was actuallyThanksgiving's over. Let's get ready for Christmas.I have the cutest Christmas story.We want to hear Monica's story.Mine had a dwarf that got broke in half, but,you know,whatever. 221I had to.There was never any parking by the psychology building.瑞秋Love your new nose! Jack.What？ Dr. Wolfson's an artist.He removed my mole cluster.Want to see?No! Please,let me.Happy Thanksgiving.Your hair sure is different.We were just talking about that.We can't believe how stupid we used to look.Where's Monica?She's upstairs.Come down,everyone's here!Ross,Rachel......and the boy who hates Thanksgiving.钱德Oh,my God!What's the matter?Is there something on my dress?You look so different.Terrific.That dress,that body....-Dude! -Sorry.Yes,she's thin. It's wonderful.But we really want to hear......about Ross' new girlfriend.Her name is Carol.She's really pretty and smart.She's on the lacrosse team and the golf team.Can you believe it?She plays for both teams.So I guess I'll see you at dinner.-Dude! -Sorry.Oh,my God!That was so awesome.You got him back for calling you fat.He was drooling all over you.-That must have felt so great. -lt didn't.What？Yeah,I mean,I look great.I feel great,and my heart's not in trouble anymore.I just don't feel like I got him back.I just want to humiliate him.I want him to be naked,and I want to point at him and laugh. That,we may be able to do.How?Guys tend to get naked before they're going to have sex. What?I didn't work this hard and lose weight......just so I could give my flower to someone like him.First of all,if you keep calling it that, no one will take it.And then second of all, you're not going to have sex with him. You'll just make him think that you are.也对I'll throw him out in the yard,lock the door......and all our neighbors will just humiliate him!You'll definitely get him back.How do I make him think I want to have sex?Here's what you do.Just act like everything around you turns you on.What do you mean?Anything can be sexy.Like this dish towel.This feels so good against my cheek.And if I get a little hot, I can just dab myself with it.Or I can bring it down to my side and run it through my fingers... ...while I talk to him.I can do that.Good,good,good.Get busy. He's coming.Hey,what's up?Could you make me some of that righteous mac and cheese like last year? I'd love to.I love macaroni and cheese.I love the way this box feels against my cheek.And I love carrots.Sometimes I like to put them between my fingers.Like this.And hold them down here while I talk to you.And,you know,if I get really hot......I like to pick up this knife.And I put the cool steel......against......my body.Are you all right?I'm fine. Just...Twenty-year-old male.He's got a severed toe on his right foot.Could you please not do that feet first?You know where his injury is. Severed toe,you just said it!It says the knife went through your shoe.They're made of wicker!Did you bring the toe?I have it right here on ice.Toes on Ice,coming soon to Madison Square Garden.Save your strength,man.Don't worry,son. We'll just reattach it and then....What is it?You brought a carrot.This isn't your toe. This is a small, very cold piece of carrot. You brought a carrot?Oh,my God!There's a toe in my kitchen.I'm sorry! I'll go get it!All we can do now is sew up the wound.Without my toe? I need my toe!I can go really fast! Dad, give me the keys to your Porsche.I'm not falling for that one.That's why I lost my toe? Because I called you fat?I didn't mean to cut it off. It was an accident.That's why for an entire year people called me Sir Limps-a-lot? I'm sorry.It wasn't your whole toe.Yeah,well,I miss the tip.It's the best part.It has the nail.钱德Sir Limps-a-lot.I came up with that.You're a dork.-I can't believe this. -I said I was sorry."Sorry" doesn't bring back the piggy that cried all the way home. It figures that something like this would happen today.I hate this stupid day and everything about it!I'll see you later.Wait.Come here.Is there anything I can do? Anything?Just leave me alone for a little while.I'm a duck. I go quack-quack.I'm happy all the time.Nice try.Wait,wait,wait.Look,MonicaThis is not going to work.I bet this will work.You're so great.I love you.什么？Nothing. I said you're so great, and then I just stopped talking. You said you loved me. I can't believe this!No,I didn't!Yes,you did!No,I didn't!You love me!No,I don't!Stop it,stop it,stop it!“1915年感恩节”Gauze!Gauze!I need to get some gauze in here! Can I please get some more gauze? This is getting ridiculous.384。
