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英语幽默小故事
1、New Discovery A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young model stepped off the elevator. Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, "I shouldhave brought my wife!" 新发现 一个乡下人第一次到大城市游逛。他走进一座大楼，看见一个岁数很大的矮胖女人迈进一个小房间。房间的门随后关上，有几个灯在闪亮。一会儿，门开了，电梯里走出一位年青漂亮的女模特。 乡下人惊奇地眨着眼睛，慢吞吞地说：“我应该把我的老婆带来!” hillbilly n. 乡下人，乡巴佬. pudgy adj.矮胖的，矮而粗的 drawl vt, vi慢吞吞地说；拉长语调地说 2、Always Thirsty "I had an operation," said a man to his friend, "and the doctor left a sponge in me." "That's terrible!" said the friend. "Got any pain?" "No, but I am always thirsty!" 总感到口渴 一个男人对他的朋友说：“我动了一次手术，手术后医生把一块海绵忘在我的身体里了。” “真是太糟糕了！”朋友说道：“你觉得疼吗？”
小学生爱看的英语故事精选【三篇】 "I had another bad dream," she told her fianc e . "It was about you again. You and your ex-girlfriend were kissing. I yelled at you to stop it. You looked right at me, and then you laughed at me! She laughed, too. Then you both went back to kissing. I tried not to watch, but when I covered my eyes, something pulled my hands away. I tried to leave, but my feet were glued to the ground. Finally, I woke up. Of course, it was very difficult to get back to sleep. "I had to drive home from Las Vegas this morning. It's a wonder I didn't crash 50 times. Instead of seeing traffic in front of me, all I saw was you and her. I can't take any more dreams like this. We're going to have to break up. We can be friends, but just friends. That way, I won't be jealous anymore, and I won't have these bad dreams anymore." "Why didn't you call me up and tell me about your dream?" he asked. "They say that the more you talk about bad dreams, the sooner you'll stop having them." She disagreed. She thought that the only solution was to break up and be just friends. She loved him, but these dreams had become so frequent that she was actually afraid to go to sleep. She was losing weight and having stomachaches from the stress. He didn't know what to do. He wanted her to have pleasant dreams. He wanted her to have a life without
两分钟做个小测试，看看你的英语水平 https://www.doczj.com/doc/905187126.html,/test/xiaobai.aspx?tid=16-73675-0 看故事学英语（一） Today, mother came back from work, and very mysteriously said to me: “Cong cong, guess what I have bought for you?”I guessed many times, but mother repeatedly shook her head. Seeing my impatience, she took something from her backpack, I happily and excitedly took it from her and looked, ah! It was a pair of cute toy bears. These two toy bears’bodies were white as snow, they were pressed close together like a pair of dear sisters. Half-circle ears, small noses pointed outwards, a pair of eyes like two black pearls, chubby bodies, round head, all make them very lovable. Most interesting is that if you use your hand to pat their arms, they automatically play some sweet-sounding music, it’s really wonderful [lit: fun]! These two toys are like my good friends, they accompany me every day, and they bring lots of fun to my family. I like my toy bears. 今天，妈妈下班回来，神秘兮兮地对我说: “聪聪，猜猜看，我给你买什么了？我猜了好几次，妈妈都连连摇头。她看我急不可耐的样子，从背包里拿出一样东西，我兴高采烈地接过一看，啊，原来是一对可爱的玩具熊。 这两只玩具熊全身雪白雪白的，它们紧紧挨在一起，像一对亲密的小姐妹。半圆形的耳朵，小小的鼻子向前翘着，一双眼睛像两颗黑珍珠，胖乎乎的身体，圆圆的脑袋，让人喜欢得不
英语幽默小故事10篇(带翻译) 线话英语|2016-03-14 17:03:05 英语幽默小故事10篇(带翻译)如下： Midway Tactics Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue. The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!" The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"
The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE". 中间战术 三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。 右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特便宜!” 左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!” 中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“入口处”。 Very Pleased to Meet You During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers. One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I’m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months. Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England. Joan went there and said to the matron, "I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys." "Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.
看故事学英语单词：班门弄斧 【成语来源】 show off before an expert/teach a fish how to swim班门弄斧 Lu Ban (鲁班) was supposed to be a consummate carpenter in ancient times. 古代有一个建筑和雕刻技术非常高超的人，名叫鲁班。 It is said that he once carved a wooden phoenix that was so lifelike that it actually flew in the sky for three days. 传说他曾用木头制作了一只五彩斑斓的凤凰，能够在空中飞翔三天不掉下来。 Thus it was considered the height of folly to show off one's skill with an axe in front of Lu Ban. 谁敢在鲁班门前卖弄使用斧子的技术，也就是说，想在大行家面前显示自的本领，这种太不谦虚的可笑行为，就叫做“班门弄斧”( 这句成语有时也用作自谦之词，表示自己不敢在行家面前卖弄自己的小本领)。 【成语活用】 I'm making a fool of myself trying to show off before an expert like you. 在你面前班门弄斧，太不好意思了。 【文化链接】 “班门弄斧”的英文表达，常用“to teach a fish how to swim”，也就是说“去教一条鱼怎么游泳”，鱼本来就会游泳，怎么还用人来教呢?所以英语中要表示一个人“班门弄斧”做无用的行为的时候，就会用“to teach a fish how to swim”。举例来说：
经典幽默英语故事（50个） 要求： 1、每天阅读两篇小故事，写出故事大意，尽量理解故事里的幽默点。 2 3、开学后，请把这14页的阅读素材，装订成册，上交给各班的英语老师。老师会根据你的完成情况，给你的阅读作业打出分数。 姓名：_________ 班级：_________ 学号：_________ 成绩：_________ 第一篇 My First and My Last When George was thirty-five, he bought a small plane and learned to fly it. He soon became very good and made his plane do all kinds of tricks. George had a friend. His name was Mark. One day George offered to take Mark up in his plane. Mark thought, "I've travelled in a big plane several times, but I've never been in a small one, so I'll go." They went up, and George flew around for half an hour and did all kinds of tricks in the air. When they came down again, Mark was very glad to be back safely, and he said to his friend in a shaking voice, "Well, George, thank you very much for those two trips in your plane." Gerogy was very surprised and said, "Two trips?" "Yes, my first and my last," answered Mark. 故事大意： _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________第二篇 First Flight Mr. Johnson had never been up in an aerophane before and he had read a lot about air accidents, so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own small phane, Mr. Johnson was
邯郸学步的英语故事阅读 他见什么学什么，学一样丢一样，虽然花样翻新，却始终不能做好一件事，不知道自己该是什么模样。 家里的人劝他改一改这个毛病，他以为是家里人管得太多。 亲戚、邻居们，说他是狗熊掰棒子，他也根本听不进去。 日久天长，他竟怀疑自己该不该这样走路，越看越觉得自己走路的姿势太笨，太丑了。 有一天，他在路上碰到几个人说说笑笑，只听得有人说邯郸人走路姿势那叫美。 他一听，对上了心病，急忙走上前去，想打听个明白。 不料想，那几个人看见他，一阵大笑之后扬长而去。 邯郸人走路的姿势究竟怎样美呢?他怎么也想象不出来。 这成了他的心病。 终于有一天，他瞒着家人，跑到遥远的邯郸学走路去了。 一到邯郸，他感到处处新鲜，简直令人眼花缭乱。 看到小孩走路，他觉得活泼、美，学;看见老人走路，他觉得稳重，学;看到妇女走路，摇摆多姿，学。 就这样，不过半月光景，他连走路也不会了，路费也花光了，只好爬着回去了。 A young man in the State of Yan heard that the State of Zhao was more powerful than the State of Yan,燕国有个青年听说赵国比燕国强大，
so he was much interested in the State of Zhao.对赵国很感兴趣，Consequently, he crossed over mountain after mountain by himself and got to Handan.于是，他一个人翻山越岭，来到了邯郸。 Upon arrival at Handan, he felt that the State of Zhao was indeed more stable than the State of Yan.到了邯郸，他觉得赵国确实比燕国安定。 Even the way of walking of the people of the State of Zhao looked better than that of the people of the State of Yan.连赵国人走路的姿势都比燕国人好看。 He made up his mind to learn how the people of the State of Zhao walked in Handan,他决定在邯郸学会赵国人走路，so that in the future the people of the State of Yan could walk as gracefully as them.将来让燕国人走路也能像赵国人一样好看。 Yet, that was easier said than done.可是，说起来容易做起来难。 No matter how hard he tried, he was unable to learn the gait of the people of the State of Zhao.这个青年怎么学也没有学会赵国人走路的姿势，On the contrary, he even forgot completely how he walked in the State of Yan.反而连自己在燕国时如何走路也忘得干干净净。 In the end, he had no alternative but to crawl back from the State of Zhao to the State of Yan.最后，池没有办法，只好爬着离开赵国回燕国去了。 看了“邯郸学步的英语故事的人还看了：1.小学英语故事短文阅读
关于英语幽默小故事欣赏 中间战术Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue. The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!" The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!" The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE". 中间战术 三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。 右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特便宜!” 左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!” 中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“处”。 很高兴认识你Very Pleased to Meet You During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers. One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I‘m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months. Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England. Joan went there and said to the matron, "I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys." "Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.
高中英语词汇——看故事记单词（二） Mr. Bacon used to be a music CD agent. He got the job through an employment agency. By accident, he heard some African music. The music was agreeable to the ear. From then on, he was in an agony of longing. Africa was a mysterious land attracting him. His heart agitated for adventure. Mr. bacon had a friend name Jack. Jack was an alert alien. They were much alike in character. Both of them never touched alcohol. Both of them were aggressive, but Jack was stronger. In the 400-meter match , he got ahead of Mr. Bacon every time One day, Mr. Bacon received airmail from Jack. In the airmail, Jack described the beauty of Africa. Mr. Bacon affirmed that what he said was true. Three days afterward they met at the airport. According to the agenda, they arrived in Africa the next day. They found that the lack of rain aggravated the serious shortage of food. The agricultural commodities were deficient that year. There were rumors in the air that it was punishment from God. Next, on the way to hotel, they were shocked to see a dead man on the road. They alarmed the police at once and waited for the aid from the police. It's really a bad journey! 培根先生曾是一个音乐CD的代理商。他通过一个职业代理处得到这份工作。偶然地，他听到一些非洲音乐。那音乐非常令人愉快。从此，他陷入了热望的苦恼中。非洲成了一块吸引他的神秘土地。他的心煽动着要求冒险。培根先生有一个名为杰克的朋友。杰克是一个机灵的外侨。他们在性格方面非常相像。两个人都不沾酒。两人都很好斗，而杰克更胜一筹。在400米赛跑中，每次都是他领先培根先生。一天，培根先生收到了来自杰克的航空邮件。信中，杰克描述了非洲的美丽。培根先生肯定他说的是真的。三天以后他们在机场碰头。按照议事日程，他们第二天到了非洲。他们发现干旱使食物短缺加重了。那年的农业产品不足。有谣言在流传，说是来自上帝的惩罚。接着，他们在去旅馆的半路上震惊的发现一个死人。他们立刻向警方报警并等候援助。这真是倒霉的旅行！ The college admitted Steve when he was 15. The news was all over the small village.Not only he himself,but also his parent felt happy for this. They always fought alongside him. There was a bill along with the college notice, which upset them. The family was not rich at all; they had no radio, let alone a television. But they went all out to afford the higher education for him. After all, they had only one son. Fortunately, the college made allowances for Steve's situation and awarded him an allowance of five thousand dollars. When everything was all right, Steve went to college. In all, there were 30 students in his class. Steve learned a lot at class. He knew brass is an alloy of copper and zinc. Besides this, he knew sometimes hemp was used to alleviate pain. Also, he could read the Latin alphabet correctly. Steve liked all the subjects but history. He had heard enough such as “Britain in alliance with France once defeated a number of smaller countries.”, “Britain was an ally of America in both World Wars. They were allied countries.”, and so on. But allowing for the graduation, he still got A in every subject. The teacher allocated duties to all the students evry Monday, and Steve always finished his part first. So the teacher alleged that Steve was the most promising student in the class. 一所学院在史蒂夫15岁时接受了他。这个消息遍及了村庄。不但他自己，而且他的父母都为此高兴。他们总是与他并肩作战。与大学通知书一起来的一张账单让他们心烦。这个家庭一点也不富裕，他们没有收音机，更不用说电视了。但他们竭尽全力为儿子提供高等教育。毕竟，他们只有一个儿子。幸运的是，学员体谅史蒂夫的处境并发给他一项5000美
2.5 Theme words Skeleton Jack and the beanstalk Jack lived with mother in cottage, very poor She sent him to sell cow He met butcher – sold cow for beans Mother angry – threw beans out of window Next morning jack?s room dark. Beanstalk rising to sky He climbed to top – strange land Met woman –she said land belonged to giant. Giant had killed his father and stolen hism money Jack walked, night fell, came to castle Giant?s wife unwillingly took him in, fed him, hid himi in oven Giant returned, sniffed round kitchen …Fee, fi, foh, fum I smell the blood of an Englishman Be he alive or be he dead I will grind his bones tomake my break? Giant ate huge supper, called for his hen, roared: “Lay!” She laid 12 eggs. Giant went to sleep, snore shook castle Jack stole hen, ran to beanstalk, back hom He and mother rich Jack back up beanstalk – disguised Taken in again by giant?s wife – hidden in cupboard Giant returned: “Fee fi…? huge super, countes money, snores Jack steals money, back down beanstalk Builds mother new house New disguise – back up beanstalk Taken in by wife, hidden in wash-tub …Fee, fi…? Huge supper, giant calls for harp: “Play!” Harp plays, giant snores Jack grabs harp, harp cries …Master, Master!” Giant wakes – chases Jack Jack fast down beanstalk, giant close behind Calls …Mother, Mother, the axe!” Chops down beanstalk – kills giant!
1 I Don’t Like Her Bob goes to a new school. One day he comes back, “Bob, do you like your new teacher?” his mother asks.“I don’t like her, Mother. Because first she says that three and three is six, and then she says that two and four is six, too.” 我不喜欢她 鲍勃的去了所新学校。 一天，他回到家，他妈妈问他：“你喜欢你的新老师吗？” “不，我不喜欢她，妈妈。因为她先说3加3等于6，然后她又说2加4等于6.” 2 Ten Candies Mother asks her son, “Jim, if you have ten candies, and you eat four, then how many candles do you have?” “Ten.” Jim says. “Ten？” Mother asks. Yes, Mum. Four candies are in my stomach and six candies are out of my stomach. Four and six is ten, isn’t it right?” 十块糖 妈妈问儿子：“吉姆，如果你有10块糖，吃了4块，那你还有几块糖？”“10块。”吉姆说。
“10块？”妈妈问。 “是的，妈妈。因为4块在我的肚子里面，6块在肚子外面，4加6等于10，不对吗？” 3 Where is the egg? Teacher: Can you make a sentence with the word "egg"? Student: Yes. I ate a piece of cake yesterday. Teacher: Then where is the “egg"? Student: In the cake, sir. 鸡蛋在哪里？ 老师：你能用“鸡蛋”一词造句吗？ 学生：可以。我昨天吃了一块蛋糕。 老师：“鸡蛋”在哪？ 学生：在蛋糕里，先生 4 Count Tomorrow Morning It’s a night. John is looking at the sky. Tom is John’s younger brother. He asks John “What are you doing?” John says, “I’m counting stars.” Tom laughs and says, “It’s really dark now. Why not count them tomorrow morning?” 明天早上数
高中英语词汇——看故事记单词（十二） The digest of the novel included the most exciting scenes. Several witnesses saw a UFO! It looked like a huge disc. The dimension of the UFO was 6 feet high, 15 feet in diameter. It gave off diffused light. The light was too dim for them to see it clearly. So they touched it, and it diminished! Suddenly the stones on the ground flew about in every direction. One of the witnesses was disabled in this disaster. The UFO took off and soon disappeared in the sky. The police was diplomatic; they found Professor Huggins with the help of the directory. Professor Huggins was diligent enough to obtain a diploma in space research. Now, he was the director of a famous scientific group. On the day they visited him, Professor Huggins was dining. He was dipping the chicken in the butter. The rich food didn't digest easily. The police asked him what differentiated the UFO from the airplane. He answered humorously, "The UFO has diplomatic immunity."The police said his help would certainly make a difference in this affair. Professor Huggins cut off their diffuse speech and agreed to help them. The news diffused rapidly around the country. The bad thing was newspaper accounts of the affair disagreed. This place Professor Huggins in something of a dilemma. To maintain his dignity, he had to do his work under disadvantage. So he kept on working with a digital computer day and night. 这部小说的摘要包含了最精彩的场面。几个目击者看见了UFO!它看起来像一个巨大的圆盘。UFO的尺寸是高6英尺，直径15英尺。它发出四散的光。光线很暗淡，他们看不清楚。于是他们去触摸它，然而它竟缩小了!突然地上的石头朝各个方向乱飞。一个目击者在这场灾难中残废了。UFO起飞并很快消失在空中。警方很有策略，他们通过人名地址簿找到了哈金斯教授。哈金斯教授很勤奋，他获得了太空研究方面的一个文凭。现在，他是一个著名的科学团体的主任。警方拜访哈金斯教授的那天，他正在进餐。只见他拿鸡块蘸黄油吃。这种油腻的食物可不好消化。警方问他如何区分UFO和飞机。他幽默地回答说：“UFO 有外交豁免权。”警方说他的帮助对这事很重要。哈金斯教授打断他们冗长的演讲，答应帮助他们。很快消息在全国传播开来。不好的事情是新闻报道不一致。这使哈金斯教授陷于窘境。为了维护自己的尊严，他不得不在不利条件下工作。于是他夜以继日地用一台数字计算机工作着。 The war field was in dreadful disorder. Several big chimneys discharged smoke. But the soldiers displayed perfect discipline under the fire of the enemy. A soldiers Howard, was asked to send a dispatch to the front line. But he said he lostit. His expression disclosed the truth. The captain saw through his disguise. He discerned that Howard was lying. The captain dismissed the other soldiers then cried at Howard, "Can you discriminate good conduct from bad? Nothing displeased memore than your lie. Your behavior disgusted everybody. You are a dishonor to our regiment. Our regiment was disgraced by your conduct. I have known how to dispose of you. You are dismissed by way of punishment. Bob will displace you. Don't dispute with me. " The captain's words discouraged Howard. And the news of being dismissed dismayed him. He felt the army had discarded him. Though Howard thought he should not be discriminated against, he knew he was deserving. Someother soldiers surrounded to watch. The captain dispersed them. Howard had to go home and then worked at a store selling merchandise of a 20% discount. He was disposed for discharging the cargo. 战场上一片混乱。几个大烟囱在排出浓烟。但是士兵在敌人的炮火之下显示了他们的