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父母最伤害孩子的十句话

父母最伤害孩子的十句话

1.为什么你不能像谁、谁、谁那样呢?

有关方面的权威人士指出,简单地做比较只会增进孩子们之间那种常有某种自然性的竞争。如果一个孩子总是比起来不如人家,他就很可能开始憎恨其他的孩子。此时,做父母的最好是不要去比较你的孩子,而是去真正弄清楚你究竟希望你的孩子做些什么。是希望他的房间更整洁呢?还是要他在饭桌上表现的更为懂事呢?把你的注意力集中放在那些你最希望孩子改变的行为方式上。一旦孩子懂得父母所要求他改变的只是他做某种事情的方式,而不是要改变他这个人,他就会在大人面前有更多更好的表现。

2.你怎么这么不懂事,不听话,像个小孩子

一次,一个朋友的6岁女儿跟笔者在餐馆就餐时,竟表现的像一个3岁的孩子,不停的吵闹。对此朋友觉得很难为情甚至有些尴尬,于是朋友对她厉声道:“你已经是7岁的大孩子了!怎么这么不懂事!”可这样说的结果呢?孩子的内心受到了屈辱,她在接下来的用餐中不时地有恶意地将佐料瓶中的盐撒落在餐桌上。

你不该说这种惹恼她的话,相反而用一种不带个人情感色彩的方式来处理效果可能更好,比如:“妈妈跟朋友有一个很重要的谈话,并不是有意忽视你,你想吃什么告诉妈妈,或者自己看书好不好?”于是就在那一瞬间,你的孩子就变乖了。

3.你非得像一个邋遢鬼吗?

对孩子过多的批评也许会埋下严重吵闹的隐患。做父母的可以时常问问自己,“为什么我必须控制孩子呢?”还是听听专家的意见吧,“当孩子出去和小朋友们一起玩耍时,随他的便,他爱穿什么就让他穿什么;但是,如果他是和大人一起出去吃午餐,而且是在很正式的场合,则不能随他的便,孩子们需要有一些礼节常识。

4.你是个多么聪明的孩子!

这句话也许会使他内心感到一种从来都不可能失败的压力;而如果被大人夸奖为“真是个数学神童”,那这个孩子也许就会压制他事实上很喜欢的来自艺术的内心感受。

使用你对孩子天赋和才能的明智的察觉来鼓励他,而不是一味地采用贴标签般的夸奖和赞赏,这才是真正可取的方式。例如你说,“这幅画画的很生动啊,尤其是色彩搭配的很好”,这句话就比“你真是个聪明伶俐的孩子”多了具体点评和鼓励,少了些无味的夸奖。

5.你怎么这么笨呀!

你说这句话的主要意图是指出孩子的问题,然而类似的评价带给孩子的只能是心灵的伤害,相反,给予实事求是的支持和鼓励却有助于改进孩子的表现。例如,孩子在过马路时不看汽车就跑到路中间,你可试着说,“红灯停,绿灯行,过马路时要牵着妈妈的手。”当孩子主动拉着你的手了,你可以补上一句,“宝宝真乖,知道拉着妈妈的手了。现在,我们就可安全的过马路了”。

当然,消极的“标签”也容易带来自我应验的结果。假如一个孩子被人说成是懒虫,他很可能表现得更为懒惰,因为,你所说的话仿佛肯定了懒惰已经是他个性特征中不可改变的固定成分了。在教育诱导中,如果不得已非得用一定的消极的或是负面的标签式的评价时,做父母的一定得努力弄清楚自己想要表达的真正含义。这个孩子是不是整个儿一个懒虫呢?也许他只是没人提醒就不知道做一些家务,如果仅此而已,做父母的就应该健全和完善家庭内部的对于做家务的一套奖惩制度,如忘记倒一次垃圾就从父母给他的零花钱中扣除一点钱等

等。

6.有时,我真希望没有你。

随着孩子长大,他会将这种看法一同带入社会,并且直到成年之后。如果你烦透了他,不禁感叹:“我真希望从来就没有你这样的孩子。”你倒不如这样说,“有时你让我非常生气。”也许更好的做法是在事情还没有弄到最为糟糕之前,设立一定的强制性规章,这样孩子们就知道了父母亲对他寄予了怎样的希望,他就会有更佳的表现。

7.你让我一个人呆会儿好不好?

所有的父母都希望有空自己独处一会儿,然而任何一句对孩子驱赶的话都会使其感到他不被父母所需要了。不妨试着将孩子纳入到你必须做的每件事情中来,甚至一个3岁的孩子也会“帮助”你准备饭菜。如果在孩子们需要父母时,你就索性花时间和他们呆上一会儿。

当你确实需要时间独处时,不妨这么说:“亲爱的,我很爱你,但我这会儿正忙着呢。”这就让孩子领悟到过一会儿你就会和他在一起;但如果他坚持要你和他在一起,你可以这样说:“你先去自己的房间待一会,妈妈半个小时后过来找你。”用这样的方式来处理,事情就会变的有规有矩,而不只是拒绝和排斥了。

8.闭上你的嘴!

这样的话语给予孩子的深刻印象就是你并不关心他的意见,他由此开始把自己看成是那种没有什么重要意见能提出来供人参考的无用之辈。如果你希望你的孩子有礼貌,那么你就应该对他们有礼貌。既不该对同辈人说“闭嘴”,也不应该对你的孩子们说这样的话。

9.不能做这件事,否则的话...

简单空洞的威胁所带来的是从根本上削弱了你在孩子们心目中的权威,会导致孩子们继续干他们的坏事,以此来进一步考验父母亲对他们的关爱。对此,较理想的办法是选取一种具体的惩治措施,并且付诸实施。比如:“你如果现在不停下来,那你想要的车车可能就不能买了。”这样,孩子就知道你接下来真的要那样做了。

10.如果你不立即跟我过来,那我就不管你了。

千万不要对孩子实施这种遗弃他的恐惧感。父母亲应该是一幕安全的天穹,在它的掩护下孩子们才渐渐长大成人,步入社会,否则孩子们可能会变得非常缠人,或者非常依赖别人。防止这一点,做父母的应该告诉自己那正蹒跚学步的孩子?这会儿你是自己爬起来随我来,还是要我拉住你的手。

假如你的孩子老是磨磨蹭蹭,你不妨预先给他提个醒儿。例如你可以说:“你现在只有5分钟时间,我们马上就走,阿姨和弟弟还在等着。”这很可能产生你所希望的结果,而不会将威胁留在孩子的心头。

Most parents hurt the child's ten words

1 Why do you like who, who, who is that?

The authority concerned http://www.doczj.com/doc/2d12685830.html, personage points out, simply do will only increase between children that often some natural competitive. If a child is always better than worse than others, he will probably begin to hate the other http://www.doczj.com/doc/2d12685830.html, children. At this time, parents do the best is not to compare your child, but to really figure out what you want your children to do something. It is hoped that his room is clean and tidy? Or should he in the table shows more sensible? Focus your attention on those you wish to change the child behavior. Once the children know how much their parents requested him to change only him something, but not to change the person he is, he will be in front of adults have more and better performance.

2 how can you be so http://www.doczj.com/doc/2d12685830.html, thoughtless, disobedient, like a child

Once, a friend's 6 year old daughter with the author in the restaurant, he behaves like a child of 3 years old, not stop noise. This friend feel embarrassed even embarrassed, so the friends of her snapped: " you have to be 7 big child! How thoughtless! " Can say this result? The inner child humiliated, she spent the next meal from time to time have maliciously will seasoning bottle salt at the table.

You shouldn't say this annoys http://www.doczj.com/doc/2d12685830.html, her words, in contrast with an impersonal color way to deal with the effect may be better, for example: " mother and friends http://www.doczj.com/doc/2d12685830.html, have a very important conversation, not to ignore you, what do you want to tell my mother, or read a Book okay? " Then in that moment, your children will become better.

3 you have to be like a slob?

The children too much http://www.doczj.com/doc/2d12685830.html, criticism may be buried under severe noise hazard. Parents often ask yourself, " why do I have to control their children? " Or listen to expert advice, " when the children go out with my friends to play, with his will, he loves to wear what would make him what to wear; however, if he is to go out for lunch with adults, and is in a very formal occasions, can according to his will, the children need to have some etiquette and common sense.

4 you are a clever boy!

It may make him feel a never failing pressure; but if by adults. " It is a math prodigy ", that the child http://www.doczj.com/doc/2d12685830.html, may suppress the fact that he is like from the artistic feelings.

Use your talents and skills to children the wise perceive to encourage him, rather than simply using labeled as praise and appreciation, this is really desirable manner. For example, you said, " this picture is very vivid, especially color collocation is very good", this sentence is "you're a be clever and sensible children " more specific comments and encouragement, less boring.

5 why are you so stupid!

You say it 's main intention is that children's problems, but a similar evaluation to the child is hurt, instead, to seek truth from facts to support and encourage it contributes to the improvement of the performance of children. For example, children in the crossing without looking at car ran to the middle of the road, you can try to say, " red stop, green line, when you cross the street, holding her mother's hand. " When children take the initiative to hold your hand, you can add, " your baby is really good, know that hold my hand. Now, we can cross the road safely ".

Of course, the negative " label " is also easy to bring the self-fulfilling results. If a child is said to be lazy, he http://www.doczj.com/doc/2d12685830.html, is likely to behave more lazy, because, you said seems sure laziness is his personality can not change the fixed component. In the education of induction, if not already have to use certain negative or negative labels of the evaluation, the parents must try to clear their wish to express the true meaning. The child is it right? Just a slob? Maybe he just didn't remind people not to know to do some housework, if that's it, parents should improve and perfect the internal family to do housewo rk is a system of rewards and penalties, such as forgetting to take out the garbage once his pocket money from parents to deduct a money.

6 sometimes, I really want you.

As children grow, he will walk into the view of society, and until adulthood. If you're bored him, can not help but sigh: " I wish I never kid like you. " You might as well say, " sometimes you make me very angry. " Maybe it is better at things not yet get worse before, set up certain mandatory rules, so that the children will know parents placed him how hope, he will have better performance.

7 you make me alone good?

All parents hope to free yourself alone for a while, but any one of them would make children feel he is not needed by parents. Try the child into what you

must do everything, even a child of 3 years old will " help " you prepare meals. If the children need their parents, you simply take time and they stay for a while.

When you really need time alone, might as well say: " dear, I love you very much, but I'm busy. " This allows the children realized that after a while you get together with him; but if he insists that you and he together, you can say: " you go to your room for a while, the mother half an hour later come looking for you. " In this way, things will change the rules a moment, not just the denial and rejection.

8 - shut your mouth!

Such words to give children http://www.doczj.com/doc/2d12685830.html, the impression is that you do not care about his views, he began to think of themselves as the nothing important observations can be raised for reference of useless. If you want your children to be polite, so you should be polite to them. Neither the of his contemporaries said " shut up ", nor should you kids say such words.

9 can 't do it, otherwise ...

Simple hollow threats is fundamentally undermine your kids' authority, can lead to children continue their bad, in order to further test the parents for their love. Therefore, the ideal approach is to choose a specific punishment measures, and implementation. For example: " if you don't stop, you want a car would not be bought. " Thus, children will know what will you really want to do.

10 if you don't come with me, I will ignore you.

Not to implement this abandoned his fear of children. Parents should be a security vault, in it under the cover of adult children grew up, stepping into the society, some children may become very clingy, or very dependent on others. To prevent this, parents should tell yourself that toddlers? Now you are yourself up and come with me, or I'll hold your hand.

If your child is always slow, you may wish to advance to raise his abuse. For example, you can say: " now you only have 5 minutes, we'll leave, aunt and brother still waiting. " This is likely to produce the results you want, but will not threat in a child's heart.

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