CAST OF CHARCTERS
The play can be done with two actors (see below) or 3w and 2m
Actor 1
Bula Bister - runs a small town newspaper which is more like a gossip paper than a
serious news source. She pays a few bucks for gossip to whoever is willing to give it.
Actor 2
Skeeter Skeetch- assistant to Bula at the paper
Fanny Mae Alcott - young female reporter who hangs out behind the boys locker
room
Sheriff � sells his crime reports for a few bucks for beer
Kilabrew � nurse who loves to share hospital gossip
SCENE 1
(Play takes place in a makeshift newspaper office. BULA sits at her
desk facing the audience and SKEETER is sleeping under a table
covered by newspapers)
BULA: Skeeeeeter! Where are you, boy?
SKEETER: [Crawls out from under a table] Yeah.
BULA: What you doin' down there?
SKEETER: Sleepin'.
BULA: Didn't you go home last night?
SKEETER: We had a deadline for the paper. Pulled an all nighter.
BULA: So you got the paper done? Where is it?
SKEETER: [Looks] Shoot. I knew I forgot something.
BULA: Now, Skeeter....
SKEETER: Oowa, baby. The "Now Skeeter" talk.
BULA: We have an obligation to the people of this town to bring them news on a
weekly basis. [SKEETER mouths the speech as he sits and listens] We are this town's
ear to the world. They count on us to give them the news like no one else can... You
listenin' to me, Skeeter? [He even mouths the last part]
SKEETER: Yes, ma'am.
BULA: How much of the paper we got done?
SKEETER: The front part's all done.
BULA: Then get it out there. The people are waiting.
SKEETER: [Mumbles to self] I bet they ain't even out of bed yet. [Exits]
BULA: Poor, Skeeter. This big time newspaper business is hard on the boy. [Looks
through paperwork on desk] Now let's see. What do we have for next week's top story?
Looks like we're down to two: Mayor Mack and Mablegate. Shall we explore the
question, �Why does the mayor spend more time with his secretary than with his
wife?� Or the Jorkle family expose�? When your kids are born with extra fingers
and toes, does that mean you�re inbred?� Wow. Where do we ever get such good
news? I'll bet no other paper in the state can boast about these kind of headlines.
SHERIFF: [runs in, gun out] Hold it! Police!
BULA: Ah!
SHERIFF: [laughs] Hey, Bula.
BULA: You scared me half to death.
SHERIFF: I know. [snickers]
BULA: What you want, sheriff?
SHERIFF: You still paying a buck each for my police reports.
BULA: A buck a story. Offer's still good.
SHERIFF: [proud] I've got five this week.
BULA: Five! That's a regular crime wave.
SHERIFF: If this keeps up, I may have to hire me a deputy.
BULA: Wouldn't that be something? [makes a note] That's a story in itself.
SHERIFF: That's six bucks, then.
BULA: Fine. [Goes to purse] Six dollars. Don't you go spend that all in one place.
SHERIFF: Just enough to get a snack at the Come and Go.
BULA: Snack? I didn�t know beer was a snack food now.
SHERIFF: I�m on duty. Wouldn�t even consider it.
BULA: I guess you�ll have to take a break then.
SHERIFF: Good idea. [exits]
BULA: [sarcastic] Boy, do I feel safe knowin' he's around. [Types] Crime wave hits
Mud Lake. Hide your valuables. Sheriff Peters says we had a record number of
incidents this week. First off, old man Peters, the sheriff's pappy, had to be given a
ride home again. Personally I think he likes riding in his son's police car.
KILABREW: [enters] Bula? How's you feeling today?
BULA: Fine, fine. Here to bring me the community health report?
KILABREW: Certainly. Oh, my.
BULA: What?
KILABREW: [examines BULA] You been getting enough vitamin C?
BULA: I... I don't know...
KILABREW: YOU DON'T KNOW. Don't toy with your health, Bula. You ain't a
school girl no more. A healthy body is a temple for the gods.
BULA: I thought there was only one God?
KILABREW: You�re so closed minded, Bula.
BULA: What you got for me, Kilabrew?
KILABREW: First, we have �This week's weight watch� by Nurse Nancy
Kilabrew. Emma Sue Jones - gained 12 pounds. Patty May - lost 2 pounds. And a big
congrats to Jane Graham - Lost 25 pounds. Billy Joe Bugle - happily gained another
27 pounds on his way to a town record 324 pound.
