Effective Sentences-conciseness

Mount St. Helens erupted on May 18, 1980. A cloud of hot rock and gas surged northward

from its collapsing slope. The cloud devastated more than 500 square kilometers of forests

and lakes. The effects of Mount St. Helens were well documented with geophysical

instruments. The origin of the eruption is not well understood. Volcanic explosions are

driven by a rapid expansion of steam. Some scientists believe the steam comes from

groundwater heated by the magma. Other scientists believe the steam comes from water

originally dissolved in the magma. We need to understand the source of steam in volcanic

eruptions. We need to determine how much water the magma contains. (110)

Mount St. Helens erupted on May 18, 1980. Its slope collapsing, the mountain emitted a

cloud of hot rock and gas. In minutes, the cloud devastated more than 500 square kilometers

of forests and lakes. Although the effects of the eruption were well documented, the origin

is not well understood. Volcanic explosions are driven by a rapid expansion of steam.

Recently, debate has arisen over the source for the steam. Is it groundwater heated by

magma or water originally dissolved in the magma itself? To understand the source of steam

in volcanic eruptions, we need to determine how much water the magma contains. (103)

Effective Sentences

Correctness alone cannot make a good sentence. It has to be effective at the same time.

Effective sentences have some or all of the following qualities:

Unity, coherence, conciseness, emphasis and variety.

1. Unity:

referring to two qualities—there is only one main idea; and the idea is

complete.

Avoid ambiguity and fragments. Be logic.

This does not mean that all sentences have to be short and simple. It is often

necessary to write long sentences with many parts in it. It expresses a central idea

supported or modified by various subordinate ideas, and/or more related parallel

ideas.

e.g. Everyone studies English in this school.

___ Everyone in this school studies English.

Here is a short sentence:

Born in Sichuan Province, he later became a famous writer.

This sentence can be said correct, but it is not a good sentence for the two facts mentioned

are not logically connected. Hence we can changed into:

He was born in Sichuan Province and began to work as a teacher when he graduated

from university. He liked to write stories in his spare time and published many of his

works in newspapers and magazines. Later he became a famous writer.

(Here the meaning is clear by something about his work experience that may help make

him famous.)

Faulty: Du Fu was one of the greatest poets. (A)

Revised: Du Fu was one of the greatest poets of the Tang Dynasty. (B)

(here the last part makes the sentence clear. Or sentence (A )may cause ambiguity. At

least is not complete, not telling time or country)

2. Coherence:

meaning clear and correct arrangement of the parts of a sentence.

1. A coherent sentence is easy to understand and its meaning cannot be mistaken

because its connection between its words conforms to grammar rules and usage. An

incoherent sentence is often hard to understand and may be interpreted in different

ways.

Here are some rules that may help prevent the incoherence:

(1) Do not separate words that are closely related unless it is necessary;

e.g. a). the funny cartoon attracts the reader’s eye on the cover of the magazine.

b). the doctor promised on her way to her hospital to come and see her

(2) Do not use a pronoun with ambiguous reference;

e.g. Mrs Green said to her sister that she had done the right thing. (meaning

Mrs Green or sister?)

(3) Do not a dangling modifier or put a modifier far from the word it modifies;

e.g. a) Looking out of the window, only dull grey can be seen.

b)After studying lesson Ten, the mid-term test was given to us.

(4) Do not make unnecessary or confusing shifts in person or number;

e.g. a). Those who wants t join the chorus should sign your name on this sheet

of paper.

b) He looked up difficult words in his dictionaries, and it is very helpful.

(5) Do not make unnecessary changes in the voice, tense or mood of verbs;

e.g.

(6) Do not use different forms to express parallel ideas.

e.g. a) It is generally believed that one’s action is more important than what