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Do you think they have yesterday's Daily News?你想他们有昨天的报纸吗?I just wanna check my horoscope, see if it was right.我只是想看我的星座准不准Oh,my God! Don't Iook now. Behind you there's a guy... 天啊,菲比,别看你背后有个将会令我们...who can break our hearts and plunge us into depression. 伤心欲绝的帅哥Come to mama.到妈妈这来呀He's coming. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.他来了,酷一点…-Nice hat. -Thanks. -帽子不错-谢谢-We should do something. Whistle. -I' m not whistling. - 我们应该有所行动,吹口哨-我不吹Come on,do it!来吧,吹!Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it.吹.吹.吹I can't believe you did that.我不敢相信你居然这么干了The One With Mrs. Bing六人行第1季第11集宾太太（钱德的母亲）-It's all my fault. -No,it's mine. -这都是我的错-不,是我的错Why did I whoo-hoo?我为什么要“喔-呵”的叫呢?Was I hoping he'd turn around and say...难道我期望,他回过头来然后说…... " I Iove that sound. I must have you now"? …“我喜欢那声音,我现在就要你”?I wish there was something we could do.我只希望我们能帮上一点忙Hello,coma guy.你好,昏迷的帅哥Get up,you Girl Scout! Up,up,up!起来,你这少女侦察机! 起来!起来!起来!What are you doing?菲比,你在干什么?Maybe nobody's tried this.或许没人试过这一招I wish we at Ieast knew his name.希望至少能知道他的名字I hate that they're calling him John Doe.我讨厌他们叫他“某约翰”(无名氏)It's so sad. It's Iike he's a deer, a female deer.这真让人伤心.感觉他像一只小鹿一只小雌鹿Oh,I was gonna stop.喔,我就此打住Look at that face.瞧他这张脸Even sleeping he Iooks smart.即使他在昏迷中仍一副聪明样Yeah,but the dents in his knuckles mean he's artistic.你有看见他手关节上的凹凸? 那代表他有艺术气息Okay. He's a Iawyer who teaches sculpting on the side.他是个兼职教雕塑的律师And he can dance.而且他会跳舞And he's the kind of guy who, when you're talking,he's Iistening...他是那种静静听你讲话的人... not saying," I understand "...而不是说“我了解”... but really wondering what you Iook Iike naked.**********I wish all guys could be Iike him.我希望男生都像他这样I know.我知道You don't even know this guy.你们甚至不认识这小伙Are there no conscious men in the city for you two?纽约难道没有适合你们的清醒男生?He doesn't have anyone.他身旁没人照顾We feel kind of responsible.我们觉得应该负起责任I can't believe you said "whoo-hoo. "我不敢相信你会“喔-呵”I don't even say "whoo-hoo. "连我都不说“喔-呵”Oh,she's coming up. oh,她出现了When we return,we 'll talk with the always interesting Nora Tyler Bing. 稍后,我们将和永远引人人胜的诺拉.泰勒.宾进行访谈Put the kids to bed for this one.你得叫你的孩子上床睡觉了Don't watch this. Weekend at Bernie 's is on Showtime and HBO.我们别看这个电影台有许多好电影No way.不行,这怎么可以-She's your mom. -Exactly. Weekend at Bernie 's. -***********************Dead guy getting hit in the groin 20,30 times.死人的腹股沟被打二,三十次I gotta tell you, I Iove your mom's books.***************I can't get on a plane without one. This is so cool.飞机上没她的书陪伴,我会度日如年她的书简直是酷毙了You wouldn't think so if you were 1 1...你无法想象当你11岁的时候...and your friends were passing around page 79 of Mistress *****.你的朋友们争相传阅“情妇**”79页时的感觉I remember page 79.我记得第79页The thing after the opera with the girl with the trick hip?********************I Iove your mom. I think she's a blast.**************That's because she's not your mom.**********Oh,please. She's the拜托Hi,sweetie.亲爱的When did " Rigatoni " get back from Rome?那个“波纹贝壳状通心粉(保罗的头发)” 什么时候从罗马回来的? -Last night. -Really?昨晚-真的?So,his plane didn't explode in a big ball of fire?难道,他的飞机没在空中炸成火球?Just a dream I had.只是我做过的一个梦But,phew!但, 呼!Hey,she's on.她出现了Nora Bing.诺拉宾Back to the book. What is this about you being arrested in London?等会儿再谈你的书吧听说你在伦敦被逮捕?Your mom was arrested?******I'm busy beaming with pride.安静,我正感到无比的骄傲This is kind of embarrassing...说来有点难为情…...but occasionally,after I've been intimate with a man... …在我不经意和一个男人亲热后Why would she say that's embarrassing?她怎会说难为情?...I just get this craving for kung pao chicken. …我非常想吃宫保鸡丁That's too much information.透露太多了!Needless to say,he got a huge tip.不必说,他当然有一个大家伙Oh,God,I Iove her! oh,上帝,我爱她!I think I' m having a stroke.我想我很有节奏感So how is your book tour going?现在你正为新书做宣传,情况如何?Oh,fine. I'm leaving for New York tomorrow,which I hate.还不错,明天我将前往纽约其实我不喜欢纽约But I get to see my son,who I love.我的儿子住那儿,我爱他This is the way that I find out. Most moms use the phone.这就是我了解这个的方式. 而大多数母亲只会透过电话这么说Don 't take this wrong,I just don 't see you as a mom.别会错意,只是我看不出你已为人母-I don 't mean that bad. -Oh,no. I'm a fabulous mom. -我绝对没有恶意-不,我是个很前卫的母亲I bought my son his first condoms.我儿子的第一个保险套,是我买给他的And then he burst into flames.********Let's see. Congress is debating a new deficit-reduction bill.国会正讨论新削减预算赤字法案The mayor wants to raise subway fares. The high today was 45.市长想再度提高地铁票价今天最高气温是45度And teams played sports.还有各球队正在比赛What about GIen?格伦如何?He could be a GIen.可以叫他格伦Not special enough.不,还不够特别How about Agamemnon?阿伽门农(荷马史诗英雄)怎么样?Way too special.太特别了I'm famished. What do I want?我饿死了,我想吃什么呢?PIease,God,don't Iet it be kung pao chicken.拜托,别又是宫保鸡丁You watched the show. What did you think?你看了那节目,感觉如何?I think you need to come out of your shell.我觉得你应该更放开一些…What is this dive?为何选在这种二流餐厅?Only you could've picked this place.只有你才会选这种地方Come on. Shut up. It's fun. Give me a hug.闭嘴,这样满不错的来,抱一个I heard about the divorce. Lesbian,huh?****************Well,you know what they say: Be careful what you wish for. 你知道他们总是说:“要小心你内心希望的.”-I think we' re ready for some tequila. -I know I am. -我想我们可以喝点龙舌酒了-我知道我可以-Who's doing shots? -Hit me. -谁要来一杯-我要There you go. Ross?这是你的,罗斯?I' m not really a shot-drinking kind of guy.我不喝酒Hi. Sorry we' re Iate.抱歉,我们迟到了We kind of just,you know, Iost track of time.我们有点忘了时间But a man can change.男人可以改变Anyone want me to appraise anything?有人要我评价任何事物吗?Well,I' m gonna go to tinker-town.我要去补锅镇Mrs. Bing,I've read everything you've written.宾太太,我拜读过你所有的大作When I read Euphoria at Midnight, I wanted to become a writer. 我读《浪漫夜》后,就一心想成为作家Oh,please. If I can do it,anybody can.别这么说,我能办到大家都能办到Start with half a dozen European cities...你只需先描述半打欧洲城市...throw in 30 euphemisms for male genitalia...***********...and you've got yourself a book.这样就能写成一本书了My mother,Iadies and gentlemen.各位,我母亲Yeah,any messages for room 226? 226房有留言吗?-You okay,slugger? -Oh,yeah. I' m fine.*************What is with you tonight?你今晚怎么了?Nothing. Nothing,nothing.没什么Okay,thank you.谢谢It's the Italian hand-Iicker,isn't it?是因为那个意大利舔手男?No. It's the one he's Iicking.不,是因为被他舔的人She's supposed to be with you.她应该和你在一起You' re good.你真行I have sold 1 00 million copies of my books,and you know why? 罗斯,我卖出上亿本的书知道为什么吗?The girl on the cover with her nipples showing?因为封面上的辣妹露两点?No,because I know how to write men that women fall in Iove with. 不,因为我知道该如何描写让女人陷入爱河的男人I cannot sell a Paolo.相信我,保罗没有卖点People will not turn 325 pages for a Paolo.没人有兴趣翻325页看保罗的Come on. The guy's a secondary character.他不过是个二等货He's just a complication you eventually kill off.不过是最后被你终结的纠葛When?什么时候?He's not a hero.他不是主角You know who our hero is?知道我们的最佳男主角是谁?The guy on the cover with his nipples showing?*******No,it's you.是你啊-PIease. -No,really. -不要这么说-不,我是说真的Come on. You' re smart. You' re ***y.你既聪明又性感-Right. -Yes,you are.真的-是呀The fact that you don't think you are makes you ***ier.事实是,你不认为自己比以前更性感了Come on,kiddo. You' re gonna be fine,believe me.你会走出阴霾的,相信我I'II just pee in the street.我到街上尿就好了Is Chandler here?钱德在吗Wait. Come here.等等.过来Okay,about Iast night... ok,关于昨天晚上...you know...你知道的... Chandler,you didn't tell....钱德,你没有告诉他吧We don't need to tell Chandler. It was just a kiss. No big deal,right? 因为我想不需告诉他只是个吻,没什么大不了的Right. No big deal.对,没什么大不了的In bizarro world.在疯狂世界中才叫没什么You broke the code.你违反规定-What code? -You don't kiss your friend's mom. -什么规定? -不能亲朋友母亲的规定Sisters are okay. Maybe a hot-Iooking aunt.姐妹还可以火辣的姑妈,或许也行But not a mom. Never a mom.母亲不行,绝对不行What are you guys doing out here?你们在外面干什么?Joey and I had discussed getting in an early morning racquetball game. 乔和我说过要早起去打回力球But apparently somebody overslept.*******Well,you don't have your racquet.对,你没带球?No. No,I don't because it's being restrung.不,我的拍子拿去换线了Somebody was supposed to bring me one.有人应该帮我准备一支拍子Well,you didn't call and Ieave your grip size.是吗?你没说握把的尺寸You guys are spending way too much time together.你们俩真会浪费时间I' m scum. I' m scum.************-How could you Iet this happen? -I don't know. -罗斯,你怎能让这种事发生? -我也不知道It's not Iike she's a regular mom.她不像是一般的妈妈She's ***y. She's....她很性感You don't think my mom's ***y?你认为我妈不性感?Well,not in the same way.不一样的性感I'II have you know,GIoria T ribbiani was a handsome woman in her day. 我妈当年也是美得吓吓叫You think it's easy giving birth to seven children?你认为生7个小孩是件容易的事?Okay,I think we're getting into a weird area here.我们愈谈愈离谱了What are you doing here?你们在这儿干什么?Not playing racquetball.不是打回力球-He forgot to Ieave his grip size. -He didn't get the goggles. -他忘了告诉我握把尺寸-他没带护目镜Sounds Iike you two have issues.你们似乎有点争执Goodbye,baby.再见,宝贝Do they wait for me to do this?他们在等我做这件事?-Are you gonna tell him? -Why would I tell him? -你到底要不要告诉他? -为何要告诉他?If you don't,his mother might.**********What are you guys doing here?你们在这儿干什么?He's not even wearing a jock strap.他没穿护裆What did I ask?我刚问什么?What are you doing here?你在这儿干什么?Nothing. I just thought I'd stop by,you know,after...没事,我只是顺路… 我被那个,你知道的,就是那个...that I,you know.那个,我,你知道的So,what are you doing here?你来这儿干什么?I' m not really here.我不是专程来此I just thought I'd drop these off on the way. My way.只是顺路拿这些过来Do you come here a Iot...你常自己来?...without me?一个人来?No,no,no.没有Do you think he's doing any better than he was this morning? 你认为他早上好点没?How would I know? I wasn't here.我怎会知道?我又没来Really? Not even to change his pajamas?真的?也没替他换睡衣?Oh,my God.我的天You're my friend. I had to tell you.你是我朋友,我得告诉你I can't believe it.我简直不敢相信Paolo kissed my mom?保罗亲了我妈?I don't know if you noticed, but he drank a Iot.对,我不知道你是否注意到他喝了很多酒I mean,you know how he gets他酒醉的模样你也见识过I can't do this. I did it.我办不到…是我It was me. I' m sorry. I kissed your mom.*********What?什么?I was upset about Rachel and I had too much tequila,and Nora...瑞秋和保罗的事令我很沮丧我想我是喝太多龙舌酒,诺拉... Mrs. Mom,your Bing,was...诺拉,妈妈太太,宾... being nice. But nothing happened.你的宾对我很体贴但没发生什么事Nothing. Ask Joey.什么都没有,可以问乔伊-Joey came in -You knew about this? -乔依刚好走进来-你知道这件事?You know,knowledge is a tricky thing.知识是很狡猾的Why didn't you tell me?你为何没告诉我?You're Iucky I caught them,or else who knows what would've happened? 他们被我逮到算你幸运不然后果可不堪设想Thanks,man. Big help.谢了,老兄,大忙一个What the hell were you thinking?你到底在想什么?I wasn't. I don't know. I我没有…我不知道No one knows the crap I go through with my mom more than you.我和我妈之间的鸟事朋友中属你最清楚了-I know. -I can't believe you did this. -我知道-我无法相信你会做这种事-Me neither. -I' m mad at you too. -我也无法相信-我也对你很生气-Why are you mad at me? -Let me slam the door. -为什么生我的气? -让我用力关门吧I didn't kiss her. See what happens when you break the code?钱德,我没亲她, 违反规定就是这种下场"A Woman Undone, by Rachel IKaren Greene. " “丢脸的女人”瑞秋凯伦格林I thought I'd give it a shot. I'm on the first chapter.对,我想尝试一下,我仍在写第一章Do you think his "Iove stick" can be "Iiberated from its denim prison"? 你认为他“粗棉布监牢”中的“爱棒”能获得解放吗? Yeah,I'd say so.我想可以吧And there's no "J " in "engorged. "我也这么认为,另外你拼错词了-You going to the hospital tonight? -No. You? -你今晚要去医院吗? -没有,你呢?No. You?没有,你呢?You just asked me.你刚问过了Maybe it was a trick question.好吧,或许这是个圈套Rachel,can we do this now?瑞秋,我们现在能开始了吗?I am so hot.我好兴奋Here's my mom and dad on their wedding day.这是我爸妈在婚礼时照的Now,you tell me she's not a knockout.你告诉我,她不是旷世美人-I can't believe this conversation. -Just try to picture her not pregnant. - 没想到我们会谈论这个-就试着想像她没挺着大肚子Central Perk is proud to present Miss Phoebe Buffay.*******************Thanks.谢谢I'd Iike to start with a song about a man I recently met...这首歌是有关个我刚认识的男生...who's come to be very important to me.他已成为我生命中重要的男人You don 't have to be awake To be my man你无须醒来当我的男人Long as you have brain waves I'll be there to hold your hand只要你一息尚存我就会在一旁守候Though we just met the other day虽然我们相遇不久There 's something I have got to say我想说…Thank you very much. I' m gonna take a short break. 谢谢各位,我得休息一下That was Phoebe Buffay,everybody.我们感谢菲比小姐-What the hell was that? -Phoebe just started -她在搞什么东西? -菲比刚…I was talking to Joey. AII right,there,mother-kisser? **************" Mother-kisser. "亲妈妈的人I'II shut up.我闭嘴I know you' re still mad at me...我知道你仍在生我的气... but there were two people there that night.我只想说那一夜有两个人-There were two sets of Iips. -I expect this from her. - 两双嘴唇-是哦,我希望她亲口告诉我She's always been a Freudian nightmare.她一直都是个佛洛依德梦魇Then why don't you say something?你为何不找她谈谈?Because it's complicated. It's complex.因为太复杂了,这是个情结You kissed my mom.你亲了我妈We' re rehearsing a Greek play.我们正在排练希腊剧That's funny. Are we done now?真幽默,排练完没?You mean you' re not gonna tell her how you feel? 还没,你不找她谈? 不说出你的感受?Just because you played tonsil tennis with my mom... 别因为你亲过她...doesn't mean you know her. You can't talk to her. 就自以为了解她相信我,不能找她谈Okay. "You can't"? Or you can't?到底是能还是不能?Okay,that's my finger.我的手指Okay,that's my knee.我的膝盖Still doing the play.还在排练What did you do with him?你对他怎么了?-You're awake. -Look at you. -你醒了-你瞧你How do you feel?感觉如何?A Iittle woozy,but basically okay.头有点晕,基本上还行Gosh,you Iook good.你的气色好极了I feel good.我感觉好极了Who are you?你们是谁?-Sorry. -I'm Phoebe. -对不起-我叫菲比I' m Monica. I've been caring for you.我叫摩妮卡我一直在照顾你We both have.我们一直在照顾你-The Etch A Sketch is from you? -Actually,me. -蚀刻艺术是你们送的? -其实只有我一个-I got you the foot massager. -I shaved you. -我替你做脚底按摩-知道是谁帮你刮胡子的吗?是我-I read to you. -I sang. -我念书给你听-我唱歌给你听Well,thanks.谢了-Oh,my pleasure. -You' re welcome. -我的荣幸-没关系So I guess I'II see you around.我想那就再见了What? That's it?什么?就这样?"See you around "再见?-What do you want me to say? -I don't know. -不然要我说什么? -我不知道Maybe...或许... "That was nice. "该说你们真好" It meant something to me. "向我表白吧" I'II call you. "我会打电话给你们的-Okay. I'II call you. -I don't think you mean that. -好吧,我会打的-一点诚意都没有This is so typical.男生都这样You know,we give and we give...我们付出,付出...and we give.不断的付出And we just get nothing back.却得不到任何回报And then one day,you wake up, and it's,"See you around. "有一天他醒来却只说再见Let's go,Phoebe.走吧菲比You know what? We thought you were different.知道吗?我们以为你与众不同But I guess it was just the coma.我想这只是昏迷的缘故The car's waiting. I just wanted to drop off my book for your friends.楼下的车已发动我只想拿几本我的书给你朋友Autographed. And give you a goodbye kiss.有我的亲笔签名.来一个吻别Here's the kiss, here's the goodbye....这是一个吻这是告别…-Anything you want from Lisbon? -Just knowing you' re there is enough. - 需要我在里斯本帮你买什么吗? -不需要,知道你要去就够了AII right. Well,be good. I Iove you.好吧,要乖哦,我爱你You kissed my best Ross.你亲了我最好的罗斯Or something to that effect.好像说错了,反正差不多Look,it was stupid.好吧,我做了蠢事-Really stupid. -Really stupid. -愚蠢至极-愚蠢至极I don't even know how it happened.我也不知道是怎么发生的I' m sorry,honey. I promise it will never happen again.抱歉,孩子,我保证不会再发生这种事Really,really stupid.真的愚蠢至极Really,really stupid.真的,真的愚蠢之极-Are we okay now? -Yeah. -你感觉好点吗? -是的No.不The forbidden Iove of a man and his door.男人与门之间禁忌的爱He told her off. And not just about the kiss.他说了,不只是亲吻的事一切都说出来了You're kidding?你在开玩笑?He said,"When are you gonna start being a mom? "他说你何时才能成熟开始当个妈?Then she said:等等,她回答说"The question is,when are you gonna realize I have a bomb? " 你何时才能长大了解我是个性感女郎?Are you sure she didn't say:等等,你确定她不是说"When are you gonna grow up and realize I am your mom? " ***************-That makes more sense. -You think? -这样比较合理-你也这样认为?What's going on now?现在情况怎么样?I don't know. I've been standing here spelling it out for you. 我不知道.我一直在这儿说给你听I don't hear anything. Wait.我什么都听不到,等等…What do you see?你看见什么?It's hard to tell. They're tiny and upside down.很难说,他们好小而且上下颠倒Wait,wait,wait.等等，等等They're walking away. They're walking away.他们走过来,他们走过去No,they' re not. They' re coming right at us. Run!不,不是.他们走过来了,快逃-Are you okay,kiddo? -Yeah,I' m okay.你还好吧,孩子? -还好AII right. You be good.希望都好Drive safe.小心开车-Mrs. Bing. -Mr. Geller.你好,宾太太-你好,盖勒You mean that?你当真?Yeah,why not?对,有何不可?So I told her.我告诉她了-How did it go? -Awful. Awful. -情况怎么样? -简直是可笑到了极点Couldn't have gone worse.没有比这更糟糕的啦-Well,how do you feel? -Pretty good. -感觉怎样-不错I told her.我告诉她了Well,see?瞧,看到没有?So maybe it wasn't such a bad idea, me kissing your mom,huh? *************But we don't have to go down that road.我们不必继续往下说了吧This is just the first chapter...这只是第一章...and I want your absolute honest opinion. Okay?我要大家坦白的意见And on page two,he's not reaching for her " heaving beasts. " 在第二页中他的手没伸向她那灰尖挺的双峰She could have heaving beasts.她本来可以有尖挺的双峰Right,but in this case she doesn't.好吧,在这里她没有What's a " niffle"?什么是“如头”?You can usually find them on the heaving beasts.通常在双峰上可以找到Okay,so I' m not a great typist.好吧…算我不会打字Did you get to the part about his "huge,throbbing pens"?看到这里没有“他那巨大,颤动的笔”You don't wanna be around when he starts writing with those. 他用那支笔时你不会想在场的That's it. Give them back.够了,还我…Wait,I just got to the part about her "public hair. "等等,我才刚刚看到她的“公共头发”。
101 101 The The The One One One Where Monica Where Monica Gets Gets a a New Roommate (The (The Pilot-The Pilot-The Pilot-The Uncut Uncut Version) [Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are there.] Monica: There's nothing to tell! He's just some guy I work with! Joey: Come on, you're going out with the guy! There's gotta be something wrong with him! Chandler: All All right right right Joey, Joey, Joey, be be be nice. nice. So So does does does he he he have have have a a a hump hump ? ? A A A hump hump hump and and and a a hairpiece? Phoebe: Wait, does he eat chalk ? (They all stare, bemused .) Phoebe: Just, Just, 'cause, 'cause, 'cause, I I I don't don't don't want want want her her her to to to go go go through through through what what what I I I went went went through through through with with Carl- oh! Monica: Okay, Okay, everybody everybody everybody relax. relax. relax. This This This is is is not not not even even even a a a date. date. date. It's It's It's just just just two two two people people going out to dinner and- not having sex. Chandler: Sounds like a date to me. [Time Lapse] Chandler: Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria , and I realize I am totally naked . All: Oh, yeah. Had that dream. Chandler: Then I look down, and I realize there's a phone... there. Joey: Instead of...? Chandler: That's right. Joey: Never had that dream. Phoebe: No. Chandler: All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. Now I don't know what to do, everybody starts looking at me. Monica: And they weren't looking at you before?! Chandler: Finally, I figure I'd better answer it, and it turns out it's my mother, which is very-very weird, because- she never calls me! [Time Lapse, Ross has entered.] Ross: (m ortified mortified ) Hi. Joey: This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself. Monica: Are you okay, sweetie? Ross: I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck... Chandler: Cookie? Monica: (explaining to the others) Carol moved her stuff out today. Joey: Ohh. Monica: (to Ross) Let me get you some coffee. Ross: Thanks. Phoebe: Ooh! Oh! (She starts to pluck at the air just in front of Ross.) Ross: No, no don't! Stop cleansing my aura! No, just leave my aura alone, okay? Phoebe: Fine! B e Be murky ! Ross: I'll be fine, alright? Really, everyone. I hope she'll be very happy. Monica: No you don't. Ross: No I don't, to hell with her , she left me! Joey: And you never knew she was a lesbian ... Ross: No!! Okay?! Why does everyone keep fixating on that ? She didn't know, how should I know? 101 试播没什么好说的！他不过是我的同事！ 少来了，你和那个人一起出去！拜托，和你交往的男人一定有问题！交往的男人一定有问题！ 打住，乔伊，嘴下留德。
The One With the Ick FactorWritten by: Alexa JungeTranscribed by: Mikael Hedberg(Scene: Central Perk. Everyone is there.)Monica: Tell him.Rachel: No.Phoebe: Tell him, tell him.Monica: Just...please tell him.Rachel: Shut up!Chandler: Tell me what?Monica: Look at you, you won't even look at him.Chandler:(sarcastically) Oh, come on tell me. I could use another reason why women won't look at me.Rachel: All right, all right, all right. Last night, I had a dream that, uh, you and I, were...Phoebe: Doing it on this table. (points at the table)Chandler: Wow!Joey: Exellent dream score.Ross: Why, why, why would you dream that?Chandler: More importantly, was I any good?Rachel: Well, you were pretty damn good.Chandler: Interesting, cause in my dreams, I'm allways surprisingly inadequate. (Monica pats him on his lap)Rachel: Well, last night you seemed to know your way around the table.Ross: I love it, when we share.(Ross goes over to the counter. Chandler follows him.)Chandler: You're okay there?Ross: I can't belive you two had sex in her dream.Chandler: I'm sorry, it was a one-time-thing. I was very drunk and i was somebody else's subconscious.Opening Credits[Scene: Central Perk, continued from earlier, Chandler is sitting on the table.]Chandler: Hello Rachel.Rachel: Get off.Phoebe: (points at Joey's pen) Uh, uh, gimme. Can you see me operating a drill press?Joey: I don't know. What are you wearing?(Chandler, Monica and Phoebe looks at him)Ross: Pheebs, why would you want to operate a drill press?Phoebe: Just for some short-term-work. You know, until I get back some of my massage clients.Chandler: Pirates again?Phoebe: No, nothing like that. I was just...such a dummie. I taught this "massage-yourself-at-home-workshop." And they are.Joey: Hey, hey, Chan. She could work for you.Chandler: (sarcasticly) Thanks Joey, that's a good idea.Phoebe: What... I could, I could do it. What is it?Chandler: Well, my secretary is gonna be out for a couple of weeks. She is having one of her boobs redused. (Ross looks at her.) It's a whole big boob story.Phoebe: I could be a secretary.Chandler: Well, you know Phoebs. I don't know if it's your kinda thing, because it involves a lot of being normal. For a large portion of the day.Phoebe: I could do that.(Ross's beeper goes off)Rachel: What are you playing with?Ross: Oh, it's my new beeper.Joey: What the hell does a paleontologist need a beeper for?Monica: Is it like for dinosaur emergencies. 'Help, come quick, they're still extinct.'Ross: No, it's for when Carol goes into labor. She can get me wherever I am. I mean, all she has to do is to dial 55-JIMBO.Chandler: A cool phone number, and a possible name for the kid.Monica: All right, I'll see you guys later. (raises)Rachel: Off to see young Ethan?Monica: Thank you.Joey: How young is young Ethan? Young?Monica: He's... our age.Chandler: When we were?Monica: Okay, he's a senior in college.Ross: College?Chandler: Whoa! And this manchild has no problem with how old you are?Monica:No, of course not. It's not even an issue. Cause I told him I was 22.All: What?Monica: Oh, I can't pass for 22?Phoebe: Well, maybe 25-26.Monica: I am 26.Phoebe: There you go.[Scene: Chandler's office, he and Phoebe are there when the phone starts ringing.]Chandler: Can you hear that?Phoebe: (plays with a thumbtack remover) Yeah?Chandler: See that'll stop when you pick up the phone.Phoebe: Oh. Uh, I'm on. (picks up the phone)Phoebe: (with a deep voice) Mr. Bing's office. (Listens) No I'm sorry, he's in a meeting right now.Chandler: I'm not in a meeting. I'm right... Whoops.Phoebe: Will he know what this is in reference to? (Listens) And he has your number? (Listens) All right, I'll see that he gets the message. Bye bye.Chandler: What?Phoebe: Ross says hi.Chandler: Ah!Phoebe: This is so fun. All right, what do we do now?Chandler: Well, now, I actually have to get to work.Phoebe: Most likely. (raises and goes toward the door) Okay, I'm gonna be out there.Chandler: Okay.Phoebe: All right. Bye bye.Chandler: Bye bye.(The intercom buzzes)Chandler: (answering it) Yes?Phoebe: Whatcha doin'?Chandler: Ooh. (leans against the desk)[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are there. Monica is just finishing cleaning the windows.]Monica: Windows are clean, candels are lit. Uh, belt's to tight, gotta change the belt. Did I turn the fish? (goes over to the kitchen to check on the dinner) No, cause I made lasagne. (to Rachel) Am I out of control?Rachel:Just a touch. Mon, I don't understand. I mean, you've been dating this guy since like, what... his midterms? I mean, why all the sudden are you so... Oh.Monica: What?Rachel: Could tonight be the Night?Monica:I don't know. Look he's a great guy and I love being with him but... you know. Things happen, and they happen. You don't plan these things.Rachel: So, did you shave your legs?Monica: Yeah.Rachel: A-ha![Scene: Central Perk. Joey and Ross are there.]Joey: Would you let it go Ross. It was just a dream. It doesn't mean...(Ross's beeper goes off)Ross: Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh this is it. Oh my god it's baby time. Baby time.Joey: All right, relax, relax. Just relax, just relax. Be cool, be cool.(Ross dials a number on his cellular phone)Ross:(on phone) Yeah, hi, I was just beeped. (pause) No, Andr?is not here. (to Joey) Third time today. (on phone) Yes, I'm sure... No, sir. I don't perform those kind of services.Joey: Services? (Ross looks at him) Oh, services.Ross:(on phone) Yeah, you want 55-JUMBO. Yeah, that's right. That's right, JUMBO with a U, sir. (pause) No, belive me, you don't want me. Judging by his number, I'd be a huge disappointment. (pause) All rightie, bye bye.(Phoebe and Chandler enter)Joey: Hey, hey. How was the first day?Phoebe: Oh, exellent. Everyone was so, so nice.Chandler:See, it pays to know the man who wears my shoes. (Joey and Ross wonder what he means) Me.Phoebe: No, I didn't tell anybody that I knew you.Chandler: Why not?Phoebe: Oh, because, you know... they don't like you.Chandler: What?!Phoebe: I thought you knew that.Chandler: Noho. Who doesn't they like me?Phoebe: Everyone. Except for uh... no everyone.Chandler: What are you talking about?Phoebe: Don't feel bad. You know they used to like you a lot. But then you got promoted, and, you know, now you're like "Mr. Boss Man". You know, Mr. Bing. Mr. Bing, "Boss Man Bing".(Joey and Ross laughs)Chandler: I can't belive it.Phoebe: Yeah, yeah. They even do you.Chandler: They do me?Phoebe:You know like... uh okay... uh... 'Could that report be any later?'(Joey and Ross laughs)Chandler: I don't sound like that.Ross: Oh, oh Chandler...Joey: Oh... Yeah, you do.Ross: 'The hills were alive with the sound of music.'(Phoebe, Joey and Ross laughs)Joey: (reaches for hi scones) My scones.Phoebe, Joey, and Ross: 'My scones.'(Phoebe, Joey and Ross laughs again)Chandler: Okay, I don't sound like that. That is so not true.(Joey and Chandler laughs)Chandler: That is so not... That is so not... That... Oh, shut up!(Phoebe, Joey and Ross laugh)[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Young Ethan are sitting in the couch.]Monica: Did not.Young Ethan: I am telling you, up until I was, like nine, I thought that gunpoint was an actual place where crimes happen.Monica: How was that possible?Young Ethan:Well, think about it. It's always on the news. 'A man is being held up, at gunpoint.' 'Tourists are being terrorised, at gunpoint.' And I just kept thinking: why does people continue to go there? (He checks his watch.) Oh, ah. I should go.Monica: Okay.(They kiss)Young Ethan: Okay.Monica: Unless...Young Ethan: What?Monica: Uh, ah. Unless you wanna stay over? I mean, I'm going to, so...Young Ethan: Yeah, I'd really like that.(They kiss)Young Ethan: Uuh, before we get into any staying-over-stuff, there is something you should know.Monica: Okay, is this like 'I have an early class tomorrow' or 'I'm secretly married to a goat?'Young Ethan: Well it's somewhere in between. You see, in a strictly technical sense, of course, I'm not uh..., well I, I mean I haven't ever uh...Monica: Ethan?Young Ethan: Yeah?Monica: Are you a virgin?Young Ethan:Well, if that's what you kids are calling it these days then, yes I am. I uh, I've kinda been waiting for the right person.Monica: Really?Young Ethan: Yeah. You do know I was talking about you, right?(They kiss)[Time lapse. They are now in Monica's bedroom, on the bed.]Young Ethan: Wow!Monica: You keep saying that.Young Ethan: You know, you read about it, you see it in the movies. Even when you practice it at home, man oh man, it is nothing like that.(They kiss)Monica: Listen, uh, you told me something that was really difficult for you. And I, I-I figured if you could be honest, then I can to.Young Ethan: Oh god, don't tell me, I did it wrong.Monica: No-no. Nothing wrong about that.Young Ethan: Oh.Monica: Um, okay, here it goes. I'm not 22. I'm, I'm 25... and thirteen months.Young Ethan: Huh!Monica:But I figured, you know, that shouldn't change anything. I mean, what the hell does it matter how old we are.(They kiss)Young Ethan: Uh, listen um, as long as we're telling stuff, uh, I have another one for you. I'm a little younger than I said.Monica: You're not a senior?Young Ethan: Oh, I'm a senior... in High School.Monica: Ok...ay.Commercial Break[Scene: Monica's Bedroom, continued from earlier.]Monica: What we did was wrong. Oh god, I just had sex with somebody that wasn't alive during the Bicentennial.Young Ethan: I just had sex.Monica: Ethan, focus. How could you not tell me?Young Ethan: Well, you never told me how old you were.Monica: Well, that's different. My lie didn't make one of us a felon in 48 states. What were you thinking?Young Ethan: I wasn't thinking. I was too busy fallin'...Monica: Don't say it. (closes Ethan's mouth with her hand)Young Ethan: ...in love with you.Monica: Really?Young Ethan: (nods) Sorry.Monica: Well,fall out of it. You know, you shouldn't even be here, it's a school night. Oh god, oh god. I'm like those women that you see with shiny guys named Chad. I'm Joan Collins.Young Ethan: Who?[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone exept Monica is there.]Ross:(on phone) Okay, Andr?should be there in like 45 minutes. All rightie, bye bye. (to Phoebe) Just easier that way.Chandler: Oh, come on. You told me about the last dream.Rachel: No, forget it.Chandler: Oh, why not. Was I doing anything particularly... saucy?Rachel:All right, fine. Um, you were not the only one there. (Camera fades to Ross, who's listening very carefully) Joey was there too.Joey: All right. (Moves closer.)Ross: Was there...uh, huh, huh, huh... andybody, anybody else there.Rachel: No.Ross: You're sure? Nobody uh, handed out uh, mints or anything?Rachel: No, it was just the three of us.Ross: Huh!Joey: So, tell me. Was it like you and Chandler, and then you and me, or you and me and Chandler?Rachel: (laughs) You know what?Joey: What?Rachel: There were times when it wasn't even me.(Chandler and Joey laughs, until they look at each other then recoil in horror.)Phoebe: That is so sweet, you guys. (hugs them)(Monica enters, wearing a walkman, so she doesn't hear what the others say)Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe: Hey, Mon.Rachel: Mon, Ethan called again. Mon?All: (shouting) Mon!(Monica takes of her walkman)Monica: What?Rachel: Ethan called again.Monica: Oh.Ross: Are you not seeing him anymore?Monica: No. You know, sometimes just things doesn't work out.Chandler: And this has nothing to do with the fact that he needs a note to get out of gym.(Monica stares at Rachel)Rachel: I, I didn't say any... I sw... I did not say anything, I swear. He stopped by.Joey: Listen, the next time you talk to him, can you ask him which one the strongest Power Ranger is?(Ross and Chandler laughs)Ross: Oh, yeah.Monica: Ha,ha, ha, oh my life is just so amusing. Could we drop it now?Joey, Chander, and Ross: Sorry.Ross: It's morphin time!Joey: Stegosaurus!Chandler: Tyrannosaurus!(They all cross they're arms like the Power Rangers do)Phoebe: Ooh, oh, I've gotta go. (raises) Whoa, oh, head rush. One more, and then I have to go. (sits down, and then raises again) Cool!Rachel: Where are you going?Phoebe: Um, oh, I've got a birthday party, with some work people.Chandler: Work people? Nobody told me.Phoebe: No, I know. That's a part of the whole, you know,them-not-liking-you-extravaganza.Chandler: You know, I don't get this. A month ago, these people were my friends. You know, just because I'm in charge doesn't mean I'm a different person.Phoebe: Well, then you should come tonight. You know, just hang out with them. Let them see what a great guy you still are.Chandler: You think I should?Phoebe: I really do, yeah.Chandler: Okay.Phoebe: Okay.Chandler: Okay.Phoebe: Oh, but, could we not go together? I,I don't wanna be the geek that invited the boss.[Scene: Chandler's office, he and Phoebe are taking a break from work.]Chandler:I Think last night was great. You know, the Karaoke thing. Tracy and I doing Ebony and Ivory.Phoebe: You were great. But they still made fun of you.Chandler: What?Phoebe:You know, now you're more like, you know like, "Mr. Caring Boss," "Mr.", you know, "I'm one of you, Boss," "Mr., I wanna be your buddy, Boss Man Bing!"Chandler: Then, I don't get it.Phoebe:Well, you know what Chandler? I think you've gotta face it. You're like, the guy in the big office, you know. You're the one that hires them, that fires them... They still say you're a great boss.Chandler: They do?Phoebe: Uh huh. But they're not your friends anymore.Chandler: I just wan't to...Phoebe: No, but you can't.Chandler: But I just wa...Phoebe: Uh uh.[Scene: Central Perk. Everyone exept Phoebe and Chandler is there. Ross's beeper goes off and everyone exept him react.]Monica: Aren't you gonna...Ross: Oh, Carol and I have a new system. If she punches in 911, it means she's having a baby, otherwise I just ignore it.Joey: What about Andr?Ross:Oh, well this morning he got a call from who I think was our cousin Nathan, and frankly, it was a little more than I needed to know.(Ethan enters)Young Ethan: Hey.Monica: That was gonna be my opener.Rachel: (understands that Monica and Ethan wanna be alone) Hey, did you guys check out those new hand-dryers in the bathroom?Ross: I thought that was just a rumour.Rachel: True story.Joey: They're here already?(Rachel, Ross and Ross go to the bathroom)Young Ethan: All right, look. I've gotta tell you something. I'm not 17.I only said so that you'd think I was cute and vunerable. I'm actually 30, I have a wife, I have a job, I'm your Congressman. Monica, this is ridiculous, we're great together. We can talk, we make each other laugh, and the sex. Oh, man, okay i have no frame of graft, but I thought that was great.Monica: It was.Young Ethan: Then, what's the problem?Monica: Ethan, it's um... it's icky.Young Ethan: Icky? You're actually gonna throw this away because it's icky?Monica:This isn't easy for me either. I wish things were different, I... If you were a few years older, or if I was a few years younger, or if we lived in biblical times, I would really...Young Ethan: No, don't say it. (closes Monica's mouth with his hand)Monica: ...love you.(Ross, Rachel and Joey come back from the bathroom. They discover that Monica and Ethan aren't finished talking to each other yet.)Ross: Are you're hands still wet?Joey: Uh, moist, yeah.Rachel: Let's dry 'em again.(They go to the bathroom again)[Scene: A hall on the floor where Chandler works. Chandler and Phoebe enters, and overhears some employees's conversation. One of them is doing Chandler.]Gerston:Uh, like, could these margaritas be any stronger? (They discover that Chandler is listening) Hey, Chandler.Santos: Hello, Mr. Bing.Petrie: Loved your Stevie Wonder last night.Chandler: Thanks. Listen, about the weekly numbers, I'm gonna need them on my desk by nine o'clock.Santos: Sure.Gerston: No problem.(They go away, trying very hard not to laugh at Chandler)Chandler: You have to give 'em something, you know. Okay, now that was Gerston, Santos, and who's the guy with the moustache?Phoebe: Petrie.Chandler: Petrie, right, right. Okay, some people gonna be working this weekend.[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is watching TV, but turns it off, and Rachel is sleeping on the couch. Ross puts a blanket over her.]Rachel:(talking in her sleep) Oooooooooh. (Rachel strokes her hand over the pillow. Ross mimicks her silently) Oh, that's nice. Oh, oh. Huh, Ross!(Ross gets all excited and starts to dance on the coffee table, but slips allmost immediatly, and falls onto the couch. Rachel wakes up.)Rachel: Ross?Ross: I'm here.Rachel: You are. Well, um... We, we, we were just... Wow!Ross: What? (his beeper goes off) Great, now I'm having a baby.Rachel: What?Ross: Ooh, Ooh.Rachel: What?Ross: I'm having... I'm having a baby. (jumps back onto the table again) I'm having a... Where's the phone? The phone?Rachel: I don't know where the phone is.(Ross runs from the table, over the couch but slips and falls onto the floor)Rachel: Ross?Ross: I'm hurt.Closing Credits[Scene: The Hallway, Ross is eagerly waiting for the others to get ready, to go to the hospital.]Ross: Monica, let's go. Come on now people, woman in labor.(Chandler struts out from his apartment)Chandler:(doing a little dance) Hey Ross, look what I've got going here.Ross: Yeah, save it for the cab, okay.(Rachel comes out from their apartment with a mirror and a lipstick in her hands)Ross: What are you doing? We're going to a hospital.Rachel: What, so I can't lokk nice? There might be doctors there.Ross: Joey, get out of the fridge.Joey:All right, all right. (he comes out from their apartment with a huge sandwich in his hand)Ross: What is that? (refering to the sandwich)Joey: For the ride.Chandler: Yeah, like in a cab...Ross: Save it.Chandler: Okay, hating this.Ross: Monica, come on now. Let's go, baby coming.(Monica enters from their apartment, crying)Monica: I can't belive it, I'm gonna be an aunt. I'm gonna have like a nephew.Ross: That's nice. Get out Let's go, come on.Joey: All right, I'm going. I'm going.(They all go down the stairs, but Ross turns around, looking like his in a coma. The others also turns around to get him.)Chandler: Here we go, here we go.Rachel: Rossy, Rossy.End。
The One With the BlackoutWritten by: Jeffrey Astrof and Mike Sikowitz.Transcribed by: Ruth Curran[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is introducing Phoebe, who is playing her guitar for the crowd.]Rachel: Everybody? Shh, shhh. Uhhh... Central Perk is proud to present the music of Miss Phoebe Buffay.(applause)Phoebe:Hi. Um, I want to start with a song thats about that moment when you suddenly realize what life is all about. OK, here we go. (plays a chord, then the lights go out) OK, thank you very much.[Scene: The ATM vestibule of a bank, Chandler is inside. The lights go out, and he realizes he is trapped inside.]Chandler: Oh, great. This is just...(Chandler sees that there is a gorgeous model inside the vestibule with him. He makes a gesture of quiet exuberance.)Opening Credits[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is on the phone with her mother. Phoebe, Rachel, and Ross are there.]Rachel: Wow, this is so cool, you guys. The entire city is blacked out!Monica:Mom says it's all of Manhattan, parts of Brooklyn and Queens, and they have no idea when it's coming back on.Rachel: Wow, you guys, this is big.Monica: (into phone) Pants and a sweater? Why, mom? Who am I gonna meet in a blackout? Power company guys? Eligible looters? Could we talk about this later? OK. (hangs up)Phoebe:Can I borrow the phone? I want to call my apartment and check on my grandma. (to Monica) What's my number?(Monica and Rachel look at Phoebe strangely.)Phoebe: Well, I never call me.[Scene: ATM vestibule, Jill Goodacre is on the cellular phone. Chandler's thoughts are in italics.]Chandler:Oh my God, it's that Victoria's Secret model. Something... something Goodacre.Jill: (on phone) Hi Mom, it's Jill.Chandler:She's right, it's Jill. Jill Goodacre. Oh my God. I am trapped in an ATM vestibule with Jill Goodacre! (pause) Is it a vestibule? Maybe it's an atrium. Oh, yeah, that is the part to focus on, you idiot!Jill: (on phone) Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just stuck at the bank, in an ATM vestibule.Chandler:Jill says vestibule... I'm going with vestibule.Jill: (on phone) I'm fine. No, I'm not alone... I don't know, some guy.Chandler:Oh! Some guy. Some guy. 'Hey Jill, I saw you with some guy last night. Yes, he was some guy.(Chandler strides proudly across the vestibule and Jill stares at him.)[Scene: Monica's apartment, Joey enters with a menorah, the candles lit.]Joey: Hi everyone.Ross: And officiating at tonight's blackout, is Rabbi Tribbiani.Joey: Well, Chandler's old roomate was Jewish, and these are the only candles we have, so... Happy Chanukah, everyone.Phoebe: (at window) Eww, look. Ugly Naked Guy lit a bunch of candles.(They all look at the window, grossed out, then flinch in pain.)Rachel: That had to hurt![Scene: ATM vestibule.]Chandler:Alright, alright, alright. It's been fourteen and a half minutes and you still have not said one word. Oh God, do something. Just make contact, smile!(Chandler smiles at her, she smiles back sweetly.)Chandler:There you go!(He continues to smile like an idiot, and she looks frightened.) Chandler:You're definitely scaring here.Jill: (awkwardly) Would you like to call somebody? (offering phone) Chandler:Yeah, about 300 guys I went to high school with.Yeah, thanks. (takes phone)[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, The phone rings; it's Chandler.] Monica: Hello?Chandler: Hey, it's me.Monica: (to everyone) It's Chandler! (on phone) Are you OK?Chandler:Yeah, I'm fine. (trying to cover up what he is saying) I'm trppd in an ATM vstbl wth Jll Gdcr.Monica: What?Chandler: I'm trppd... in an ATM vstbl... wth Jll Gdcr!Monica: I have no idea what you just said.Chandler: (angry) Put Joey on the phone.Joey: What's up man?Chandler: I'm trppd... in an ATM vstbl... wth JLL GDCR.Joey:(to everyone) Oh my God! He's trapped in an ATM vestibule with Jill Goodacre! (on phone) Chandler, listen. (says something intentionally garbled)Chandler: Yeah, like that thought never entered my mind.[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, time has passed. The five are sitting around the coffee table talking.]Rachel: Alright, somebody.Monica: OK, I'll go. OK, senior year of college... on a pool table.All: Whoooaa!Ross: That's my sister.Joey:OK... my weirdest place would have to be... the women's room on the second floor of the New York CIty public library.Monica: Oh my God! What were you doing in a library?Ross: Pheebs, what about you?Phoebe: Oh... Milwaukee.Rachel: Um... Ross?Ross: Disneyland, 1989, 'It's a Small World After All.'All: No way!Ross:The ride broke down. So, Carol and I went behind a couple of those mechanical Dutch children... then they fixed the ride, and we were asked never to return to the Magic Kingdom.Phoebe: Oh, Rachel.Rachel: Oh come on, I already went.Monica: You did not go!All: Come on.Rachel:Oh, alright. The weirdest place would have to be... (sigh)... oh, the foot of the bed.Ross: Step back.Joey: We have a winner![Time lapse, Ross and Rachel are talking, Joey is on the couch, and Monica and Phoebe are out of the room.]Rachel: I just never had a relationship with that kind of passion, you know, where you have to have somebody right there, in the middle of a theme park.Ross: Well, it was the only thing to do there that didn't have a line.Rachel:There, well, see? Barry wouldn't even kiss me on a miniature golf course.Ross: Come on.Rachel: No, he said we were holding up the people behind us.Ross: (sarcastically) And you didn't marry him because...?Rachel: I mean, do you think there are people who go through life never having that kind of...Ross: Probably. But you know, I'll tell you something. Passion is way overrated.Rachel: Yeah right.Ross: It is. Eventually, it kind of... burns out. But hopefully, what you're left with is trust, and security, and... well, in the case of my ex-wife, lesbianism. So, you know, for all of those people who miss out on that passion... thing, there's all that other good stuff.Rachel: (sigh) OK.Ross: But, um... I don't think that's going to be you.Rachel: You don't.Ross: Uh-uh. See, I see.... big passion in your future.Rachel: Really?Ross: Mmmm.Rachel: You do?Ross: I do.Rachel: Oh Ross, you're so great. (she playfully rubs his head and gets up)(Ross gets up, pleased with himself.)Joey: It's never gonna happen.Ross: (innocently) What?Joey: You and Rachel.Ross: (acts surprised) What? (pause) Why not?Joey: Because you waited too long to make your move, and now you're in the friend zone.Ross: No, no, no. I'm not in the zone.Joey: Ross, you're mayor of the zone.Ross:I'm taking my time, alright? I'm laying the groundwork. Yeah. I mean, every day I get just a little bit closer to...Joey:Priesthood! Look Ross, I'm telling you, she has no idea what you're thinking. If you don't ask her out soon you're going to end up stuck in the zone forever.Ross:I will, I will. See, I'm waiting for the right moment. (Joey looks at him) What? What, now?Joey: Yeeeeaaaahhh! What's messing you up? The wine? The candles? The moonlight? You've just got to go up to her and say, 'Rachel, I think that...' (Rachel comes into the room behind them)Ross: Shhhh!Rachel: What are you shushing?Ross:We're shushing... because... we're trying to hear something. Listen. (everyone is silent) Don't you hear that?Rachel: Ahhhh!Ross: See?Rachel: Huh. (she agrees, but looks very confused)[Scene: ATM vestibule.]Jill: Would you like some gum?Chandler: Um, is it sugarless?Jill: (checks) Sorry, it's not.Chandler:Oh, then no thanks. What the hell was that? Mental note: If Jill Goodacre offers you gum, you take it. If she offers you mangled animal carcass, you take it.[Scene: Monica's apartment, Phoebe is singing.]Phoebe:(singing) New York City has no power, and the milk is getting sour. But to me it is not scary, 'cause I stay away from dairy.... la la la, la la, la la... (she writes the lyrics down)Ross: (to Joey) OK, here goes.Joey: Are you going to do it?Ross: I'm going to do it.Joey: Do you want any help?Ross: You come out there, you're a dead man.Joey: Good luck, man.Ross: Thanks. (Joey hugs him) OK.Joey: OK. (Ross goes out on the balcony to talk to Rachel)(Monica walks in, starts to go out on the balcony.)Joey: Hey, where are you going?Monica: Outside.Joey: You can't go out there.Monica: Why not?Joey: Because of... the reason.Monica: And that would be?Joey: I, um, can't tell you.Monica: Joey, what's going on?Joey: OK, you've got to promise that you'll never, ever tell Ross that I told you.Monica: About what?Joey: He's planning your birthday party.Monica: Oh my God! I love him!Joey: (as Phoebe enters) You'd better act surprised.Phoebe: About what?Monica: My surprise party!Phoebe: What surprise party?Monica: Oh stop it. Joey already told me.Phoebe: Well, he didn't tell me.Joey: Hey, don't look at me. This is Ross's thing.Phoebe: This is so typical. I'm always the last one to know everything.Monica: No, you are not. We tell you stuff.Phoebe: Yuh-huh! I was the last one to know when Chandler got bitten by the peacock at the zoo. I was the last one to know when you had a crush on Joey when he was moving in. (Monica gestures at Phoebe to shut up; Joey looks surprised but pleased) Looks like I was second to last.[Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, Ross and Rachel are talking.]Rachel: Hmmm... this is so nice.Ross:OK, I have a question. Well, actually, it's not so much a question as.. more of a general wondering... ment.Rachel: OK.Ross: OK. Here goes. For a while now, I've been wanting to, um....Rachel: Ohhh!!!! (looking at something behind Ross)Ross: Yes, yes, that's right...Rachel:Oh, look at the little cat! (a small kitten is on the roof behind Ross)Ross: What? (the cat jumps on his shoulders) Ow![Cut to inside. Monica, Joey and Phoebe are singing while outside, Ross and Rachel are trying to get the cat off of Ross' shoulder.]Monica, Joey, and Phoebe:(singing) I'm on top of the world, looking down on creation and the only explanation I can find, is the wonders I've found ever since...Commercial Break[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is holding the cat, Monica is treating the scratches on Ross' back. Joey is holding the menorah over the wound.]Monica: (to Ross) This is just Bactine. It won't hurt.(Ross flinches in pain.)Joey: Sorry, that was wax.Phoebe:Oh, poor little Tooty is scared to death. We should find his owner.Ross: Why don't we just put 'poor little Tooty' out in the hall?Rachel: During a blackout? He'd get trampled!Ross: (nonchalantly) Yeah?[Scene: ATM vestibule.]Chandler: You know, on second thought, gum would be perfection. (Jill gives him a stick of gum, and a strange look) 'Gum would be perfection'? 'Gum would be perfection.' Could have said 'gum would be nice,' or 'I'll have a stick,' but no, no, no, no. For me, gum is perfection. I loathe myself.[Scene: The hallway of Monica's building. Phoebe and Rachel are trying to find the cat's owner.]Phoebe:(stops at a door) Oh no, the Mendels, they hate all living things, right?Rachel:Oh. (they knock at the next door, Mr. Heckles answers) Hi. We just found this cat and we're looking for the owner.Mr. Heckles: Er, yeah, it's mine.Phoebe: (trying to hold back the struggling cat) He seems to hate you. Are you sure?Mr. Heckles: Yeah, it's my cat. Give me my cat.Phoebe: Wait a minute. What's his name?Mr. Heckles: Ehhhh... B-Buttons.Rachel: Bob Buttons?Mr. Heckles: Mmm. Bob Buttons. Here, Bob Buttons.Phoebe: (the cat runs away from her) Oooh! You are a very bad man!Mr. Heckles: (as Phoebe and Rachel leave) You owe me a cat.[Scene: Rachel has gone off on her own to look for the cat's owner.]Rachel: Here, kitty-kitty. Here kitty-kitty. Where did you go, little kitty-kitty-kitty? Here kitty-kitty-kitty-kitty...(While looking at the floor for the cat, Rachel runs into a pair of legs. She slowly gets up and sees a gorgeous Italian hunk holding the cat. Who, by the way, you'll hate very, very soon. The man. Not the cat.)Paolo: (something Italian)Rachel: Wow. (she exhales in amazement, blowing the candle out)[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Monica, and Joey are playing Monopoly.] Ross: (rolling) Lucky sixes....Rachel:(entering with Paolo, arm in arm) Everybody, this is Paolo. Paolo, I want you to meet my friends. This is Monica.Monica: (smitten) Hi!Rachel: And Joey....Monica: Hi!Rachel: And Ross.Monica: Hi!Paolo: (something in Italian)Rachel: (proudly) He doesn't speak much English.Paolo: (pointing at game) Monopoly!Rachel: Look at that!Ross: (jealous) So, um... where did Paolo come from?Rachel: Oh... Italy, I think.Ross: No, I mean tonight, in the building. Suddenly. Into our lives.Rachel: Well, the cat... the cat turned out to be Paolo's cat!Ross:That, that is funny... (to Joey).... and Rachel keeps touching him.(Phoebe enters.)Phoebe: Alright. I looked all over the building and I couldn't find the kitty anywhere.Rachel: Oh, I found him. He was Paolo's cat.Phoebe: Ah! Well! There you go! Last to know again! And I'm guessing... since nobody told me... this is Paolo.Rachel: Ah, Paolo, this is Phoebe.Paolo: (something in Italian, he is apparently attracted to Phoebe)Phoebe: (smiling) You betcha![Scene: ATM vestibule.]Chandler:(chewing gum) Ah, let's see. What next? Blow a bubble. A bubble's good. It's got a... boyish charm, it's impish. Here we go.(Chandler waits until Jill is looking, then starts to blow a bubble. But instead of blow one, he accidentally spits the gum out of his mouth and hits the wall.)Chandler:Nice going, imp. OK, it's OK. All I need to do is reach over and put it in my mouth. (Chandler slyly grabs the gum from the wall and slides it back in his mouth.)Chandler:Good save! We're back on track, and I'm...(grimacing) ..chewing someone else's gum. This is not my gum. Oh my God! Oh my God! And now you're choking.(Chandler starts to choke.)Jill: Are you alright?(Chandler tries to save face and makes the 'OK' sign with his hands, while obviously unable to breathe.)Jill:My God, you're choking! (she runs over and gives him the Heimlich, the gum flies from his mouth) That better?Chandler: (gasping) Yes... thank you. That was... that was....Jill: Perfection?[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Paolo are at the window. Ross and Joey are watching disgustedly.]Paolo: (something romantic in Italian about Rachel and the stars)Ross:(mocking Paolo) Blah blah blah, blah blah blah... blah blaaaaaah....(Rachel walks away from Paolo, laughing.)Ross: Wha-What did he say that was so funny?Rachel: I have absolutely no idea.Ross: That's... that's classic.Rachel:(to Monica and Phoebe) Oh my God, you guys, what am I doing? What am I doing? This is so un-me!Monica: If you want, I'll do it.(Ross looks at Joey.)Phoebe:I know, I just want to bite his bottom lip. (Rachel looks at her) But I won't.Rachel: God, the first time he smiled at me... those three seconds were more exciting than three weeks in Bermuda with Barry.Phoebe: You know, did you ride mopeds? 'Cause I've heard... (they stare at her)... oh, I see... it's not about that right now. OK.Rachel: Y'know, I know it's totally superficial and we have absolutely nothing in common, and we don't even speak the same language but Goooooooddddddd....[Cut to the other side of the apartment, Ross has gone over to straighten things out with Paolo.]Ross: Paolo. Hi.Paolo: Ross!(Ross notices that Paolo is standing on a step, which makes him taller. Ross gets up on the same step so he can look down at Paolo.)Ross:Listen. Um, listen. Something you should... know... um, Rachel and I... we're kind of a thing.Paolo: Thing?Ross: Thing, yes. Thing.Paolo: Ah, you... have the sex?Ross:No, no, no. Technically the... sex is not... being had, but that's... see, that's not the point. See, um, the point is that... Rachel and I should be, er, together. You know, and if you get in the.... um...Paolo: Bed?Ross:No, no, that's not where I was going. Er, if you get in the... way, of us becoming a thing, then I would be, well, very sad.Paolo: Oh!Ross: Yeah! Se vice?Paolo: Si.Ross: So you do know a little English.Paolo: Poco... a leetle.Ross: Do you know the word crapweasel?Paolo: No.Ross: That's funny, because you know, you are a huge crapweasel!(They hug.)[Scene: ATM vestibule, Chandler and Jill are sitting below the counter with two pens dangling from their chains in front of them. Jill is showing Chandler how to swing the pen around his head.]Jill: Chandler, we've been here for an hour doing this! Now watch, it's easy.Chandler: OK.Jill: Ready? (she swings the pen around her head in a circle)(Chandler tries to do the same thing but the pen hits him in the head.)Jill: No, you've got to whip it.(He swings the pen hard, and it snaps back and almost hits him again.)[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is all sitting around the table.]Phoebe: Oh, look look look. The last candle's about to burn out. 10, 9, 8, 7... (time lapse)... negative 46, negative 47, negative 48.... (someone blows it out, the room gets completely dark)Ross: Thank you.Phoebe: Thanks.Ross: Kinda... spooky without any lights.Joey: (does a maniacal laugh) Bwah-hah-hah!(Everyone starts to imitate him.)Ross: OK, guys, guys? I have the definitive one. Mwwwooooo-hah-hah...(The lights come back on, and Rachel and Paolo are making out. Ross clutches his chest.)Ross: Oh.. oh... oh.Joey:Hey Ross. This probably isn't the best time to bring it up, but you have to throw a party for Monica.Closing Credits[Scene: ATM vestibule, the power has come back on.]Jill: Well, this has been fun.Chandler:Yes. Yes, thanks for letting me use your phone... and for saving my life.Jill:Well, goodbye Chandler. I had a great blackout. (she kisses him on the cheek) See ya.(She leaves. Chandler presses his face to the glass door after her, stroking the window lovingly. He then turns to the security camera and starts talking to it.)Chandler: Hi, um, I'm account number 7143457. And, uh, I don't know if you got any of that, but I would really like a copy of the tape.End。
The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate (The Pilot)1.01 PilotRachel leaves Barry at the alter and moves in with Monica.Monica goes on a date with Paul the wine guy, who turns out to be less than sincere. Ross is depressed about his failed marriage.Joey compares women to ice cream.Everyone watches Spanish soaps.Ross reveals his high school crush on Rachel.Monica: There's nothing to tell! He's just some guy I work with!Joey: C'mon, you're going out with the guy! There's gotta be something wrong with him!go out with <俚>约会Chandler:All right Joey, be nice. So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?hump n.驼背/hairpiece：false hair;wig n.假发/这是Chandler挖苦Paul的话，意思是：他有驼背么？有假发的秃子？Phoebe: Wait, does he eat chalk?bemused: puzzled adj.困惑的发呆的Phoebe: Just 'cause I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl- oh!Monica: Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. It's just two people going out to dinner and- not having sex.Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.lapse v.(时间)流逝Chandler:Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realize I am totally…naked.All: Oh, yeah. Had that dream.Chandler: Then I look down, and I realize there's a phone... there.Joey: Instead of...?Chandler: That's right.Joey: Never had that dream.Phoebe: No.Chandler:All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring，Now I don't know what to do, everybody starts looking at me.Monica: And they weren't looking at you before?!Chandler: Finally, I figure I'd better answer it,all of a sudden adv.突然/weird adj.离奇的，古怪的/I figured I’d better answer it, and it turns out it’s my mother, which is very very weird: I suppose these three bold(adj.粗体的) denoted(adj.表示的) words are most frequently used in each episode.Ross: (mortified) Hi.mortified adj.受羞辱的窘迫的/mortify v.使感屈辱使失面子使羞愧[eg:The teacher was mortified by his own inability to answer such a simple question]Joey: This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself.Monica: Are you okay, sweetie?Ross: I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck...intestine [in’testin]n.肠Chandler: Cookie?Monica: (explaining to the others) Carol moved her stuff out today.Joey: Ohh.Monica: (to Ross) Let me get you some coffee.Ross: Thanks.Phoebe: Ooh! Oh! (She starts to pluck at the air just in front of Ross.)pluck v.拔去(鸡鸭等)毛扯拉[eg:He plucked the letter from her hands]/pluck at：To remove abruptly(adv.唐突地) or forcibly(adv.强制地)Ross:No, no don't! Stop cleansing my aura! No, just leave my aura alone, okay? I'll be fine, alright? Really, everyone. I hope she'll be very happy.aura：a distinctive atmosphere surrounding a given source n.气氛灵气光环[eg: the place had an aura of mystery]/Phoebe: Fine! Be murky!Ross: Monica: No you don't.Ross: No I don't, to hell with her, she left me!Joey: And you never knew she was a lesbian...Ross:No!! Okay?! Why does everyone keep fixating on that?She didn't know, how should I know?fixate [ˈfikseit] on: to focus one’s gaze or attention on sth v.关注某事Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian... (They all stare at him.) Did I say that out loud?Ross: I told mom and dad last night, they seemed to take it pretty well.Monica: Oh really, so that hysterical phone call I got from a woman at sobbing 3:00 A.M., "I'll never have grandchildren, I'll never have grandchildren." was what? A wrong number?Ross: Sorry.Joey: Alright Ross, look. You're feeling a lot of pain right now. You're angry. You're hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is?(Ross gestures his consent.) consent vi.同意赞成Joey: Strip joint! C'mon, you're single! Have some hormones.strip v.剥去/joint：place通常指不那么高雅的地方/Strip joint:A nightclub(n.夜总会) or other establishment where striptease[ˈstripti:z] (n.脱衣舞) is performed n.脱衣舞酒吧/hormone [ˈhɔ:məun] n. 荷尔蒙激素Ross: I don't want to be single, okay? I just... I just- I just wanna be married again!(Rachel enters in a wet wedding dress and starts to search the room.)Chandler: And I just want a million dollars! (He extends his hand hopefully.)Monica: Rachel?!Rachel:Oh God Monica hi! Thank God! I just went to your building and you weren't there and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here and you are, you are!Waitress: Can I get you some coffee?Monica: (pointing at Rachel) De-caf. (to All) Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. (to Rachel) This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and- you remember my brother Ross?Rachel: Sure!Ross: Hi.(They go to hug but Ross's umbrella opens. He sits back down defeated again.A moment of silence follows as Rachel sits and the others expect her to explain.)Monica: So you wanna tell us now, or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?Rachel: Oh God... well, it started about a half hour before the wedding.I was in this room where we were keeping all the presents, and I was looking at this gravy boat. This really gorgeous Lamauge gravy boat. When all of a sudden- (to the waitress that brought her coffee)Sweet 'n' Lo?- I realized that I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry! And then I got really freaked out, and that's when it hit me: how much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head. Y'know, I mean, I always knew looked familiar,but... Anyway, I just had to get out of there, and I started wondering 'Why am I doing this, and who am I doing this for?'. (to Monica) So anyway I just didn't know where to go, and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart, but you're the only person I knew who lived here in the city.gravy n.肉汁/Gravy boat: An elongated, boat-shaped pitcher used to serve gravy. A gravy boat usually sits on a matching plate, which is used to catch gravy drips. Sometimes the plate is permanently attached to the pitcher. A matching ladle often accompanies a gravy boat. Also called sauce boat. 船行卤肉盘sweet'n'low 低脂糖：Low in fat, sugar alternative to ordinary sweetsgorgeous adj.华丽的，灿烂的，极好的/turn on a.打开(turn on the radio)b.指让某人更兴奋激动or引起人的性兴奋(wow,the gal really turns me on)/ turn on :if someone or something turns you on, that means they make you interested or excited, the opposite is turn off/freak out means you suddenly behave in a very strange and uncontrolled way;freak out a.have an extreme reaction to sth吓坏了 b.act abnormally (under the influence of drugs) 举止异常c.make sb feel extreme plaesure or unease焦躁害怕不安/drift apart a.感情疏远b.(两者)漂移/Potato head is a kind of funny face toy popular among children in US //I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart: lose person contact over timeMonica: Who wasn't invited to the wedding.Rachel: Ooh, I was kinda hoping that wouldn't be an issue.[Scene: Monica's Apartment, everyone is there and watching a Spanish Soap on TV and are trying to figure out what is going on.]Monica:Now I'm guessing that he bought her the big pipe organ, and she's really not happy about it. pipe organ n.管风琴Chandler: (imitating the characters) Tuna or egg salad? Decide! Ross: (in a deep voice) I'll have whatever Christine is having.Rachel: (on phone) Daddy, I just... I can't marry him! I'm sorry. I just don't love him. Well, it matters to me!Chandler: (re TV) Ooh, she should not be wearing those pants.Joey: I say push her down the stairs.Phoebe, Ross, Chandler, and Joey: Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs!Rachel: C'mon Daddy, listen to me! It's like, it's like, all of my life, everyone has always told me, 'You're a shoe! You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe!'. And today I just stopped and I said, 'What if I don't wanna be a shoe? What if I wanna be a- a purse, y'know? Or a- or a hat! No, I'm not saying I want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a ha- It's a metaphor, Daddy!metaphor:analogy n.隐喻类比/I’m not saying I want you to buy me a hat, it’s a metaphor: shoe 就是鞋子的意思。
The One With the Monkey (UncutVersion)Written by: Adam Chase & Ira UngerleiderTranscribed by: guineapigThe text in blue are scenes that were originally cut from the original airing of the show. The un-cut episode appeared on the Friends: The Complete First Season Set in the United States.Added footage text by Matthew G.[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Ross is not present. Phoebe is looking out the big window.]Phoebe: Oh all right you guys! It’s starting to snow.Everybody: (happily) Ohhh! Hey!Phoebe: Oh and look Ugly Naked Guy is hanging candycanes. (Rachel runs up to the window)Rachel: Where? (Phoebe points) Ohhh, wow (not sure what to make of it)…that’s festive.(Ross enters.)Ross: Guys? There's a somebody I'd like you to meet.(A monkey jumps on to his shoulder.)All: Oooh!Monica: W-wait. What is that?Ross: 'That' would be Marcel. You wanna say hi?Monica: No, no, I don't.Rachel: Oh, he is precious! Where did you get him?Ross: My friend Bethel rescued him from some lab.Phoebe: That is so cruel! Why? Why would a parent name their child Bethel?Chandler: Hey, that monkey's got a Ross on its ass!Monica: Ross, is he gonna live with you, like, in your apartment?Ross: Yeah. I mean, it's been kinda quiet since Carol left, so...Monica: Why don't you just get a roommate?Ross: Nah, I dunno... I think you reach a certain age, having a roommate is kinda pathet- (Realizes) ....sorry, that's, that's 'pathet', which is Sanskrit for 'really cool way to live'.Opening Credits[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is getting ready to sing. Joey is not there.]Phoebe: So you guys, I'm doing all new material tonight. I have twelve new songs about my mother's suicide, and one about a snowman. Chandler: Might wanna open with the snowman.(Enter Joey)All: Hey, Joey. Hey, buddy.Monica: So, how'd it go?Joey: Ahhhhhh, I didn't get the job.Ross: How could you not get it? You were Santa last year.Joey: I dunno. Some fat guy's sleeping with the store manager. He's not even jolly, it's all political.Monica: So what are you gonna be?Joey: Ah, I'm gonna be one of his helpers. It's just such a slap in the face, y'know?Rachel: Hey, do you guys know what you're doing for New Year's? (They all protest and hit her with cushions) Gee, what?! What is wrong with New Year's?Chandler: Nothing for you, you have Paolo. You don't have to face the horrible pressures of this holiday: desperate scramble to find anything with lips just so you can have someone to kiss when the ball drops!! Man, I'm talking loud!Rachel: Well, for your information, Paolo is gonna be in Rome this New Year, so I'll be just as pathetic as the rest of you.Phoebe: Yeah, you wish!Chandler: I’ve got an idea: dinner.Ross: (like a detective) It’s perfect. We’ll put it between lunch and breakfast. (does popping sound with lips)Chandler: It's just that I'm sick of being a victim of this Dick Clark holiday. I say this year, no dates, we make a pact. Just the six of us- dinner.All: Yeah, okay. Alright.Chandler: Y'know, I was hoping for a little more enthusiasm.All: Woooo! Yeah!Rachel: Phoebe, you're on.Phoebe: Oh, oh, good.Rachel: (Into microphone) Okay, hi. Ladies and gentlemen, back by popular demand, Miss Phoebe Buffay. Wooh!Phoebe: (Takes mike) Thanks, hi. Um, I wanna start with a song that means a lot to me this time of year. (Shakes bell as an introduction) (Sung:)I made a man with eyes of coalAnd a smile so bewitchin',How was I supposed to knowThat my mom was dead in the kitchen?(shakes bell) La lalala la la la la lalala la la...(Cut to later. Everyone is totally depressed by now.)Phoebe: (Sung)...My mother's ashesEven her eyelashesAre resting in a little yellow jar,And sometimes when it's breezy...(Over the sound of Phoebe singing we hear two scientists, Max and David, having a noisy discussion)Phoebe: (Sung)...I feel a little sneezyAnd now I- (abruptly stops)Excuse me, excuse me! Yeah, noisy boys! (They stop talking and look up) Is it something that you would like to share with the entire group? Max: No. No, that's- that's okay.Phoebe: Well, c'mon, if it's important enough to discuss while I'm playing, then I assume it's important enough for everyone else to hear! Chandler: (Quietly, to the others) That guy's going home with a note! David: Noth- I was- I was just saying to my-Phoebe: Could you speak up please?David: (Stands up and speaks more loudly) Sorry, I wa- I was just saying to my friend that I thought you were the most beautiful woman that I'd ever seen in my- in my life. And then he said that- you said you thoughtMax: Daryl Hannah.David: Daryl Hannah was the most beautiful woman that he'd ever seen in his life and I said yeah, I liked her in Splash, a lot, but not so much in- in Wall Street, I thought she had kind of aMax: Hard quality.David: -hard quality. And uh, while Daryl Hannah is beautiful in a conventional way, you are luminous with a kind of a delicate grace. Then, uh, that-that-that's when you started yelling. (Sits down) Phoebe: Okay, we're gonna take a short break. (Goes over to their table)Joey: Hey, that guy's going home with more than a note![Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone except Joey is decorating for Christmas.]Ross: Come here, Marcel. Sit here. (Marcel wanders off)Rachel: Pheebs, I can't believe he hasn't kissed you yet. I mean God, by my sixth date with Paolo, I mean he had already named both my breasts! ...Ooh. Did I just share too much?Ross: Just a smidge.Phoebe: David's like, y'know, Scientist Guy. He's very methodical.Monica: I think it's romantic.Phoebe: Me too! Oh! Did you ever see An Officer and a Gentleman?Rachel: Yeah!Phoebe: Well, he's kinda like the guy I went to see that with. Except, except he-he's smarter, and gentler, and sweeter... I just- I just wanna be with him all the time. Day and night, and night and day... and special occasions...Chandler: Wait a minute, wait a minute, I see where this is going,you're gonna ask him to New Year's, aren't you? You're gonna break the pact. She's gonna break the pact.Phoebe: No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, could I just?Chandler: Yeah, 'cause I already asked Janice.Monica: What?!Ross: C'mon, this was a pact! This was your pact!Chandler: I snapped, okay? I couldn't handle the pressure and I snapped.Monica: Yeah, but Janice? That-that was like the worst breakup in history!Chandler: I'm not saying it was a good idea, I'm saying I snapped! [Joey enters, his shoes have bells on, which jingle as he walks. He is wearing a long coat.]Joey: Hi. Hi, sorry I'm late.(He removes the coat to reveal an elf costume)Chandler: Too many jokes... must mock Joey!Joey: Nice shoes, huh? (He wiggles his foot and the bells tinkle) Chandler: Aah, y'killing me!(Marcel knocks over some kitchen tools)Monica: Ross! He's playing with my spatulas again!Ross: Okay, look, he's not gonna hurt them, right?Monica: Do you always have to bring him here?Ross: I didn't wanna leave him alone. Alright? We- we had our first fight this morning. I think it has to do with my working late. I said some things that I didn't mean, and he- he threw some feces...Chandler: Y'know, if you're gonna work late, I could look in on him for you.Ross: Oh, that'd be great! Okay, but if you do, make sure it seems like you're there to see him, okay, and you're not like doing it as a favor to me.Chandler: Okay, but if he asks, I'm not going to lie.[Scene: Max and David's lab, David is explaining something to Phoebe with the aid of a whiteboard.]David: ...But, you can't actually test this theory, because today's particle accelerators are nowhere near powerful enough to simulate these conditions.Phoebe: Okay, alright, I have a question, then.David: Yeah.Phoebe: Um, were you planning on kissing me ever?David: Uh, that's definitely a, uh, valid question. And, uh, the answer would be (Writes YES on the board) yes. Yes I was. But, see, I wanted it to be this phenomenal kiss that happened at this phenomenal moment, because, well, 'cause it's you.Phoebe: Sure.David: Right. But, see, the longer I waited, the more phenomenal the kiss had to be, and now we've reached a place where it's just gotta be one of those things where I just like... sweep everything off the tableand throw you down on it. And, uh, I'm not really a, uh, sweeping sorta fella.Phoebe: Oh, David, I, I think you are a sweeping sorta fella. I mean,you're a sweeper! ...trapped inside a physicist's body.David: Really.Phoebe: Oh, yeah, oh, I'm sure of it. You should just do it, just sweep and throw me.David: ...Now? Now?Phoebe: Oh yeah, right now.David: Okay, okay, okay. (Gets ready to sweep, and then picks up a laptop computer) Y'know what, this was just really expensive. (Puts it down elsewhere. Then picks up a microscope) And I'll take- this was a gift. (Moves it)Phoebe: Okay, now you're just kinda tidying.David: Okay, what the hell, what the hell. (Sweeps the remaining papers off the desk and grabs Phoebe) You want me to actually throw you or you-you wanna just hop?Phoebe: I can hop. (She hops onto the table)(They kiss, finally)[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there.]Ross: So tell me something. What does the phrase 'no date pact' mean to you?Monica: I'm sorry, okay. It's just that Chandler has somebody, and Phoebe has somebody- I thought I'd ask Fun Bobby.Chandler: Fun Bobby? Your ex-boyfriend Fun Bobby?Monica: Yeah.Joey: You know more than one Fun Bobby?Chandler: I happen to know a Fun Bob.Rachel: (Brings Joey a mug of coffee) Okay, here we go...Joey: Ooh ooh ooh ooh, there's no room for milk!Rachel: (Glances at Joey and then sips his coffee) There. Now there is.Ross: Okay, so on our no-date evening, three of you now have dates.Joey: Uh, four.Ross: Four.Rachel: Five.Ross: Five. (Buries his head in his hands)Rachel: Sorry. Paolo's catching an earlier flight.Joey: Yeah, and I met this really hot single mom at the store. What's an elf to do?Ross: Okay, so I'm gonna be the only one standing there alone when the ball drops?Rachel: Oh, c'mon. We'll have, we'll have a big party, and no-one'll know who's with who.Ross:Yeah, well I’ll know. Hey, y'know, this is so not what I needed right now.Monica: What's the matter?Ross: Oh, it's-it's Marcel. He’s angry with me again. I have no idea why. He keeps shutting me out, y'know? He's walking around all the time dragging his hands...Chandler: That's so weird, I had such a blast with him the other night.Ross: Really.Chandler: Yeah, we played, we watched TV.. that juggling thing is amazing.Ross: What, uh... what juggling thing?Chandler: With the balled-up socks? I figured you taught him that.Ross: No.Chandler: Y'know, it wasn't that big a deal. He just balled up socks... and a melon...(Max runs in)Max: Phoebe. Hi.Phoebe: Oh, hi Max! Hey, do you know everybody?Max: No. Have you seen David?Phoebe: No, no, he hasn't been around.Max: Well, if you see him, tell him to pack his bags. We are going to Minsk.Phoebe: Minsk?Max: Minsk. It's in Russia.Phoebe: I know where Minsk is.Max: We got the grant. Three years, all expenses paid.Chandler: And if you’re going to do Minsk, y’know, that’s the only way to go.Phoebe: So when, when do you leave?Max: January first.[Scene: Max and David's lab, they are working. Phoebe knocks on the door]Phoebe: Hello?David: Hey!Phoebe: Hi.David: Hi! (Kisses her) What-what're you doing here?Phoebe: Um, well, Max told me about Minsk, so (Puts on a fake cheery voice) congratulations! This is so exciting!Max: It'd be even more exciting if we were going.Phoebe: Oh, you're not going? (Fake disappointed voice) Oh, why?Max: Tell her, David. 'I don't wanna go to Minsk and work with Lifson and Yamaguchi and Flench, on nonononononono. I wanna stay here and make out with my girlfriend!!' (Storms out)David: Thank you, Max. Thank you.Phoebe: So-so you're really not going?David: I don't know. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I just-how can I leave you? I’ve just….found you.Phoebe: Oh David…. what are you going to do?David: I don’t know. You decide.Phoebe: Oh don't do that.David: Please.Phoebe: Oh no no.David: No, but I'm asking-Phoebe: Oh, but I can't do that-David: No, but I can't-Phoebe: It's your thing, and-David: -make the decision-Phoebe: Okay, um, stay.David: Stay.Phoebe: Stay.(He thinks for a moment and sweeps the stuff off the table)Phoebe: Getting so good at that! (She hops on)David: It was Max's stuff. (They kiss)[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the party has started.]Janice: I love this artichoke thing! Oh, don't tell me what's in it, the diet starts tomorrow! (Laughs her Janice laugh)Chandler: You remember Janice.Monica: Vividly.How are you?Janice: Oh, I am fantastic! Now (little laugh) you know what’s totally amazing? It’s just like we have been back together for...like what…like 10 minutes. And…Chandler: (interrupts) Is that all?Janice: And it’s just like we were never apart. Y’know I mean. Of course, we were…but forgive and forget. Well…forget. (laughs) (Someone knocks on the door; Monica gets it)Monica: Hi.Sandy: Hi, I'm Sandy.Joey: Sandy! Hi! C'mon in! (She enters, followed by a young boy and a younger girl)...You brought your kids.Sandy: Yeah. That's okay, right?(Joey and Monica look at each other and shrug. Ross enters with Marcel on his shoulder)Ross: Par-tay!Monica: That thing is not coming in here.Ross: 'That thing'? This is how you greet guests at a party? Let me ask you something, if I showed up here with my new girlfriend, she wouldn't be welcome in your home?Monica: I'm thinking your new girlfriend wouldn't urinate on my coffee table.Ross: Okay. He was more embarrassed about that than anyone. Okay? And for him to have the courage to walk back in here like nothing happened...Monica: Alright. Just keep him away from me.Ross: Thank you. (She walks off) C'mon, Marcel, whaddya say you and I do a little mingling? (Marcel runs off) Alright, I'll, uh... catch up with you later.(The door opens. Rachel is standing there. Her coat is muddy and torn, her hair is disheveled and her face is bruised. Everyone turns to look) Monica: Oh my gosh! Rachel, honey.. are you okay? Where-where's Paolo?Rachel: Rome. Jerk missed his flight.Phoebe: And then... your face is bloated?Rachel: No. Okay. I was at the airport, getting into a cab, when this woman- this blonde planet with a pocketbook- starts yelling at me. Something about how it was her cab first. And then the next thing I know she just starts- starts pulling me out by my hair! So I'm blowing my attack whistle thingy and three more cabs show up, and as I'mgoing to get into a cab she tackles me. And I hit my head on the curb and cut my lip on my whistle...oh...everybody having fun at the party? (To Monica) Are people eating my dip?[Rachel’s Room. Phoebe and Monica are watching Rachel put on make up in the mirror.]Rachel:. K, that looks ok don’t it?Phoebe: You…umm…went a little wide on the lip.Rachel: Oh! Right there?Phoebe: Yeah.Rachel:It’s hard for me to tell. My eye’s closing up.Monica: Let me get it for ya. (pencils in on her lip) Ok.Rachel: All right. (winces in pain)Monica: You know what? You look fine.Rachel: Ok here we go! Screw Paolo. Screw that psycho cab lady. It’s New Years Eve. Let’s have a good time.Monica: Yes! Ok. (Phoebe exits)Rachel: Ok, here we go! (gets up)Monica: Ok. All right there you go. (Rachel walks the wrong way.) No this way. You’re fine. There you go.[Time lapse. Monica and Rachel, fixed up somewhat, emerge from a bedroom]Sandy: Y'know, when I saw you at the store last week, it was probably the first time I ever mentally undressed an elf.Joey: Wow, that's, uh, dirty.Sandy: Yeah.(They almost kiss and then Joey realizes her kids are staring at them)Joey: Hey, kids...Ross: (Watching Marcel play with Phoebe. To Chandler) Look at him.I'm not saying he has to spend the whole evening with me, but at least check in.Janice: (Startles them) There you are! Haaah, you got away from me!Chandler: (Imitating) But you found me!Janice: Here, Ross, take our picture. (Hands him a camera and he starts snapping) Smile! You're on Janice Camera!Chandler: Kill me. Kill me now.Rachel: (walks up to a guy) Hi. I’m Rachel. So whose friend are you? (takes a sip of her drink but ends up leaking onto her chest. She laughs it off.) Look at me! Spilling everywhere. Huh….(Someone else knocks on the door. Monica looks through the spy hole)Monica: Hey everybody! It's Fun Bobby!(Everyone cheers. Monica opens the door. Bobby is obviously very depressed)Fun Bobby: Hey, sorry I'm late. But my, uh, grandfather, he- died about two hours ago. But I-I-I couldn't get a flight out 'til tomorrow, so here I am!Joey: (Approaching) Hey Fun Bobby! Whoah! Who died?(Monica gestures wildly behind Fun Bobby's back)[Time lapse. Bobby is talking about his grandfather. Everyone else is virtually in tears]Fun Bobby: It's gonna be an open casket, y'know, so at least I'll- I get to see him again.Monica: Bobby? Fun Bobby? Let me talk to you for just a sec. (Bobby gets up and both him and Monica walk away from everyoneelse.) Umm, look a..I recently lost a grandparent myself, so I’m really know exactly how you feel. But a…you’re really bringing the party down.Fun Bobby: I’m sorry..Monica: (interrupts) Yeah, yeah ok. (places a noisemaker in his mouth) There you go. (He blows the noisemaker unhappily.) There you go!Janice: (Ross is still taking their photo) Oh, I'm gonna blow this one up, and I'm gonna write 'Reunited' in glitter.Chandler: Alright, Janice, that's it! Janice... Janice... Hey, Janice, when I invited you to this party I didn't necessarily think that it meant that we- Janice: Oh, no. Oh, no.Chandler: I'm sorry you misunderstood...Janice: Oh my God. You listen to me, Chandler, you listen to me. One of these times is just gonna be your last chance with me. (She runs off) (Ross is still taking photos)Chandler: Oh, will you give me the thing. (Snatches the camera)(David is feeding Phoebe popcorn. Max walks up)Phoebe: Hi, Max!Max: Yoko. (To David) I've decided to go to Minsk without you.David: Wow.Max: It won't be the same- but it'll still be Minsk. Happy NewYear.(Walks off)Phoebe: Are you alright?David: Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine.(Phoebe leads David into Rachel’s bedroom)Phoebe: You're going to Minsk.David: No, I'm... not going to Minsk.Phoebe: Oh, you are so going to Minsk. You belong in Minsk. You can't stay here just 'cause of me.David: Yes I can. Because if I go it means I have to break up with you, and I can't break up with you.Phoebe: Oh yes, yes, yes you can. Just say, um, 'Phoebe, my work is my life and that's what I have to do right now'. And I say 'your work?! Your work?! How can you say that?!'. And then you say, um, 'it's tearing me apart, but I have no choice. Can't you understand that?'. And I say (Hits him) 'no! No! I can't understand that!'.David: Uh, ow.Phoebe: Ooh, sorry. Um, and, and then you put your arms around me. And then you put your arms around me. (He does so) And, um, and then you tell me that you love me and you'll never forget me.David: I'll never forget you.Phoebe: And then you say that it's almost midnight and you have to go because you don't wanna start the new year with me if you can't finish it. (They kiss) I'm gonna miss you. You scientist guy.Dick Clark: (on TV) Hi, this is Dick Clark, live in Times Square. We're in a virtual snowstorm of confetti here in Times Square...(Joey puts a blanket over Sandy's kids)Joey: There y'go, kids.Chandler: (To a woman who he has clearly just met) And then the peacock bit me. (Laughs) Please kiss me at midnight. (She leaves)Joey: You seen Sandy?Chandler: Ooh. Uh, I don't know how to tell you this, but she's in Monica's bedroom, getting it on with Max, that scientist geek. Ooh, look at that, I did know how to tell you.Rachel: Vrrbddy, the bll is drrbing.All: (in the kitchen) What?Rachel: The bll is drrbing!Dick Clark: (on TV) In twenty seconds it'll be midnight...Chandler: And the moment of joy is upon us.Joey: Looks like that no date pact thing worked out.Phoebe: Everybody looks so happy. I hate that.Monica: Not everybody's happy. Hey Bobby!(Bobby waves and then bursts into tears. Midnight comes and everyone at the party except for the gang cheers and kisses)Chandler: Y'know, I uh.. just thought I'd throw this out here. I'm no math whiz, but I do believe there are three girls and three guys right here. (Makes kiss noise)Phoebe: I don’t know. I don't feel like kissing anyone tonight.Rachel: I can't kiss anyone.Monica: So I'm kissing everyone?Joey: Nonono, you can't kiss Ross, that's your brother.Ross: Perfect. Perfect. So now everybody's getting kissed but me.Chandler: Alright, somebody kiss me. Somebody kiss me, it's midnight! Somebody kiss me!Joey: Alrightalrightalright. (Kisses him. Ross takes a photo) There.Closing Credits[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, time lapse.]Ross: (Watching Marcel and talking to Rachel) I wanted this to work so much. I mean I'm still in there, changing his diapers, pickin' his fleas... but he's just phoning it in. Just so hard to accept the fact that something you love so much doesn't love you back. Y’know? Rachel: ...I think that bitch cracked my tooth.End。
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I cannot believe that you didn't tell me we are still married!Look,I was going to tell you.When? After the birth of our first secret child?Ross didn't get the annulment. We are still married!-You're kidding. -Oh,my God!It wasn't my best decision,but I couldn't face another failed marriage. At what point did you think this was a successful marriage? Rach,come on. If you think about it, it's actually kind of funny. Maybe it's best not to think about it.This is inexcusable. I'm shocked to my very core.Phoebe,I told her you already knew.Another lie. You have a sickness!For my own peace of mind, are you married to any more of us? Look,Rach,I was going to tell you.I just wanted to do it in my own way.Yes,silently,with no words.Look,in Ross' defense,okay....The One With Joey's Porsche20To a Porsche.-Are these yours? -Yeah. That's what I drive.I make 4 bucks an hour. I saved up for 350 years.少来了Did anybody lose their keys?Put them in the lost and found.There's a lost and found?My shoe!You left a shoe here?I didn't realize till I got home. I wasn't gonna walk back with one shoe.I'll go find that guy's car and leave a note on the windshield.When he comes back for his keys, I'll give him your shoe.Great. Thanks.Oh,good. You guys are here. Listen.How would you like to spend tomorrow taking care of three cute puppies? My God! What a fun day! Sounds great!Yeah,all right.I'll bring them by tomorrow morning.By the way,they're not actually puppies.They're Frank and Alice's triplets. See you.What?Please,please,please? Frank and Alice...asked me to baby-sit them. I'm nervous. I've never done that.Don't worry. We'll do it.I'm gonna pass,because I was kind of iffy when it was puppies.Come on,Chandler. It'll give us great practice for when...people with babies come to visit.不是那辆So I still have boxes here.I still have boxes at Ross'.And I have nowhere to live.I could so easily freak out right now.What about me? Denise is leaving town for a while. I don't have a roommate.Well,maybe I could be your roommate,Phoebe.Maybe you could be my roommate!Well,there's an idea!That would be great!-How long is Denise gone for? -She said she'd be back December 26th. December 26th.Maybe she's Santa Claus.Oh,look who it is. My husband,the apple of my eye.Okay,I got us a court date for tomorrow at 2...and I picked up all the forms.I'll take care of it.Sure,if you say you'll take care of it,I have no reason to doubt you. Give me those forms.I'm gonna do this my way and I don't wanna hear a peep out of you.-Okay, Rach,but.. -You're peeping!Ross,I just got..-Why did you do this? -I told you..I don't wanna hear "three failed marriages."If you'd had two failed marriages, you'd understand.Thanks to you, I'm halfway there.Oh,I am so mad,Ross! I don't think I've ever been this angry!What about when I said we were on a break?-Nice car. -Yeah,it's not mine.-I love your car. -Yeah,it's mine.-I bet it's fast. -Me too. Yeah.And comfortable.-You like leather seats? -Yeah.It's got them!Phoebe,how's it going?I'm okay. Are they having fun? Am I talking too fast?No. You sound like me.It's going great. Look at Chandler with Little Baby Girl Chandler.Little Baby Girl Chandler. Where have I heard that before? Oh,Coach Rubin. Phoebe,when you're done over there, we've got a situation over here too. No. We are all responsible for our own babies.That's where you're wrong. We've been playing them man-to-man.We should really be playing a zone defense.What do you mean?Things'll go smoother if we each have a zone. Phoebe,be in charge of wiping. Mon,be in charge of diapering.I'll be in charge of looking at how cute they are when they put their hands... Sounds great, but you should be in charge of wiping.Okay,I'm a rookie. I should not be in the end zone.This is so great. This is exactly how we set the plates at the restaurant. Yeah? Well, this is not what I ordered.Hey,guys.Hey,babies.I'm having the best morning.That Porsche I've got the keys to? Still there.Shocking, since you still have the keys.You should see the treatment I get with that car.People are friendly. They wanna talk. And not just about the car.One guy advised me on my equity investments.What equity investments?The ones that got me the Porsche. Will you keep up?If people see me just standing there, they're gonna think I don't own it. So I figure I'll wash it. Monica, you got a bucket and soap?Oh,yeah. I got soap and sponges and rags...and carnauba wax and polishing compound.You don't even have a car.I know. Once there was a dirty car in front of the building,so I washed it. -And? -And six others.There you are.Yeah,she tops out at 130.That's just in the city. I get her up to 160 upstate.Really? You got a place upstate?Sure.-All right. See you later. -Okay. Take it easy.Hey. That's my car.Really?Just give me five more minutes.What are you doing?I found the keys and now I'm just polishing her up.-But it's my car. -Yeah,but it's my wax.Listen,I don't come to the city much.I don't know if you're crazy or if this is some street theater...but could I have my keys?Sure. Yeah. I'll save your parking spot.I'm not coming back.-Why not? -I live upstate.Yeah,so did I.I don't know why I was so nervous...and why Frank and Alice complain. This is easy.Yeah, two hours, a lifetime, that's the same.Check it out! When the babies wake up...they can meet Krog!That thing could put someone's eye out.He can do more than that. He can destroy the universe.They could swallow one of those little parts.Also,look at his smooth area. That's just gonna mess them up.It's just not an appropriate toy for 1-year-olds. Or 30-year-olds.They won't swallow anything. You're too overprotective.When I was a kid,my mom used to throw me into a pile of broken glass. -What? -Glass, sand, whatever.Look at little Leslie stretching in her sleep.Oh,it's so cute.I wonder when you stop putting both legs behind your head.I can still do that.How are you still single?I thought about it and maybe you're right. Maybe Krog is not a safe toy. -What made you change your mind? -I swallowed his sonic blaster gun. How did that happen?I was trying to prove that I was right.And it turns out I was wrong...and now it's lodged in my throat.This whole time we were concentrating on the babies...and no one was watching Chandler!You are asking the court for an annulment?Yes, Your Honor. Here are our forms, all filled out.So based on your petition...you are seeking an annulment on the grounds...that "Mr. Geller is mentally unstable."Fine. I'm mentally unstable.And based on the fact that "Mr. Geller is an intravenous drug user." -What? -Yes. Heroin and crack.Crack isn't even an intravenous drug.Well,you would know.Now, it also says here that you..."lied about your sexual preference before marriage."Oh,come on.Ross,please. I found the magazines.And finally,that you were "unable to consummate the marriage." Well, that makes sense since you're gay and addicted to heroin.You know, I'm sorry, this is insane.I'm not addicted to heroin, I'm not gay and there is no problem... with my ability to consummate anything.I'll consummate this marriage right here, right now!That won't be necessary.And when we were dating, we consummated like bunnies.If you were involved in a serious relationship, that creates a problem.Rest assured, that relationship ended two years ago.Strike "consummated like bunnies" from the record.Is there anything in this record that is actually true?Well, yes. We got married in Vegas.And the names,I think.That's not the way the legal system works.This process is based on an objective review of the facts, not of the lies. Objection!-It doesn't work like that either. -Overruled.Oh,stop it.Based on what I've heard, you certainly don't qualify for an annulment.If you don't wanna be together, file for divorce.That's great. You happy? Look what you did with your funny, funny form. What? Me? What about you and your "consummated like bunnies" nonsense? What are you typing that for? She said we don't get the annulment.Don't type that. What..Stop typing!Stop typing!"Stop typing, stop typing!"Okay, do you see what you're keeping me married to?Get out of my chambers.Lady, here's the deal.I came here for an annulment and I'm not leaving here until I get one!-Would you like a night in jail? -Thank you for your time.That Porsche guy took his car back.But you found the keys to his clothes?No, I just love the way it feels when everybody thinks I own a Porsche. They'll think you own one because of the clothes?Of course.Only an idiot would wear this stuff if he didn't have the car.That is true.Yeah,but only a genius would swallow a sonic blaster gun.Oh,I've been there.I am gonna go drive my Porsche.You know you don't actually have one.What are you doing? I'm in character. Will you talk to her?I think it just moved. It's poking me.We'll go to the emergency room.No, you can't leave me here with them. We're babysitting.The babies are asleep. You'll be okay on your own.You can't leave me with them. We're a team.We're playing a zone. They'll triple-team me!He's got plastic in his throat. We gotta go to the hospital.But a doctor won't be able to help him. And it's just gonna... naturally pass through his system in seven years.-I think that's gum. -I'm pretty sure it's gun.This really hurts. Let's go.But no! A real man wouldn't just run to the hospital.No! What would Krog do?Why isn't that valet back with my Porsche?Maybe because you've got the keys?保时捷-That was totally your fault. -My fault? You threatened the judge.You ripped the paper out of the court reporter's machine!That was the only way I could get him to stop typing!Hi. How are the Gellers?Don't call us that.The judge wouldn't let us get an annulment. Now we gotta get a divorce! Did a Porsche throw up on you?It's "Porsche-a"!Me taking care of you is no problem, huh?You guys feel safe, right?I'm gonna take that spit bubble as a "Yeah,I do!"Let's get rid of this dirty diaper. I'll set you up with a clean one.I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I just have to clean that up. Because, let's face it, we're at Monica's.I broke it. All right. Well, that's just the way things go.Okay. Good.Why are there only two of you?Where's Leslie?Well, you can't answer. Leslie? Where are you, Leslie?Now would be a good time for your first words.Well, look at you!You are a little bit mischievous. My gosh!Oh, you're a lot mischievous.Well, it'll dry.You sit with your brother and sister now...who aren't there.How do you feel?Let's just say Krog will be equipped to destroy the universe again...in 12 to 14 hours.I totally took care of the babies all by myself.I fed them,bathed them and put them to bed.And protected them from a tornado?Oh,my God!I know. The babies are asleep.Phoebe, what happened here?I did it. I took care of the babies all by myself.-But my apartment! -Was the setting of Phoebe's triumph.But the mess!Is not as important as the fact that Phoebe took care of the babies.You're right. I shouldn't freak out.This is what it'll be like when we have babies. When's that?Phoebe, look at this mess!Oh,honey. Thank God you're home. I was getting worried.I picked up the divorce papers.I've already signed everything. I put little X's where you need to sign. Little X's. Great! That makes up for everything.You know, you've done a lot of stupid stuff too, okay?Name one stupid thing that is as stupid as this one.How about you flew to London to stop my wedding?You told me you loved me after I was married.Wait,that was different. I did those things because I was in love with you. Right.You're right. That's very different.So let's just sign the papers.What?Nothing.Okay, can we just sign, please?Congratulations.Okay, wait,Ross. Wait a minute.I kind of have a little confession.What?Well, you know, this whole marriage thing.Kind of my idea.Excuse me?Remember how we were too drunk to remember anything when we were married? Yeah？I didn't really wanna say anything, but it just kept coming back to me.We were in the casino and you thought it'd be funny to eat a lot of grapes.And I thought it would be funnier if we got married.So as a compromise we decided first to get married and then...to eat a lot of grapes.Sorry I got us into this whole thing.So then if you think about it...this is all your fault.Yeah, don't push it, though.I gotta say...I know I divorce a lot of women.Never thought I'd be divorcing you.I know.I always thought if we got married, that'd be the one that stuck. And it wouldn't be a secret...and we wouldn't have our wedding dinner at Pizza Hut.Did I even treat?No, it was on the house. It was a newlywed special.That may be the most depressing thing I've heard.I should get these to my lawyer's office.Thanks for taking care of all this.No problem.-I'm gonna need a copy of those. -Totally.Careful around my Porsche!Hi,Joey.Hey. How you doing?He has the most amazing Porsche under there.I'd show you,but I just tucked her in. She's sleeping.Would you like to go for a drink?。
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The One With the BirthStory by: David Crane & Marta KauffmanTeleplay by: Jeff Greenstein & Jeff StraussTranscribed by: Mindy Mattingly PhillipsMinor additions and adjustments by: Dan Silverstein[Scene: The hospital, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are in the waiting room, waiting for Carol and Susan to arrive.]Ross: She's not here yet. She's not here. She's having my baby and she's not here.Monica: I'm sure everything's fine. Has her water broke yet?Ross:I don't know, but when I spoke to her, she said she had already passed the mucus plug.(Joey makes a sound of absolute disgust.)Joey: Do we have to know about that?Monica: Joey, what are you gonna do when you have a baby?Joey: I'm gonna be in the waitin' room, handing out cigars.Chandler: Yes, Joey's made arrangements to have his baby in a movie from the 50's.Ross: God, I don't believe this. She could be giving birth in the cab.Rachel: Oh, Ross, relax. It's probably like two dollars for the first contraction, and then fifty cents for each additional contraction.(Everyone looks at Rachel as though she made a tasteless comment.)Rachel: What, it's ok when Chandler does it?Chandler: You have to pick your moments.(Phoebe arrives, guitar in hand.)Phoebe: Did I miss it, did I miss it?Ross: She's not even here yet.Monica: What's with the guitar?Phoebe:I just thought we might be here for awhile. You know, things might get musical.(Carol and Susan arrive.)Ross: (to Carol) Where the hell have you been?Susan: We stopped at the gift shop.Carol: I was looking at stuffed animals, and Susan wanted a Chunky.Ross: Susan wanted a Chunky. We're having a baby, ok, a baby, you don't stop for Chunky s.Chandler: I used to have that bumper sticker.(Everyone is amused by Chandler's comment.)Chandler: (to Rachel) You see what I mean.Opening Credits[Scene: Carol's Hospital Room, Carol is on the bed, Ross and Susan are at her side.]Ross: Stopped for a Chunky.Carol: Let it go, Ross.Susan: I got an extra one. You want this? (holds the candy in front of Ross' face)Ross: (weakly) No.(Carol's doctor, Dr. Franzblau arrives.)Dr. Franzblau: Hey, how's my favorite parenting team doing?Ross: Dr. Franzblau, hi.Dr. Franzblau: So, I understand you're thinking of having a baby? Well, I see you're nine months pregnant. That's a good start. How you doing with your contractions?Carol: Oh, I love them. Each one's like a little party in my uterus.Susan: They're every four minutes and last 55 seconds.Ross: 59 seconds. (holds up his watch) Quartz, ha.Susan: Swiss quartz, ha, ha.Carol: Am I allowed to drink anything?Dr. Franzblau:Ice chips, just ice chips. They're at the nurses' station.Ross: I'll get it.Susan: No, I'm getting it. I'll be right back.Ross: I got it—I'm getting it!(They both leave just as Rachel enters the room, holding a cup.)Rachel: Hi, I thought you might like some ice chips.Carol: Thanks.Rachel: And if you need anything else, I—(notices the handsome Dr. Franzblau)—do not believe we've met. Hi. I'm, uh, Rachel Green. I'm Carol's... ex-husband's... sister's roommate.Dr. Franzblau: It is nice to meet you. I'm Dr. Franzblau. I'm your roommate's... brother's... ex-wife's obstetrician.Rachel: Oh, that's funny![Scene: The Waiting Room, Chandler is falling asleep on Monica's shoulder.]Monica: I want a baby.Chandler: Mmmm. Not tonight, honey. I got an early day tomorrow.Monica: Get up. Come on. Let's get some coffee.Chandler: Oh, ok, 'cause we never do that.(Chandler and Monica leave. Cut to Joey, watching the Knicks/Celtics game on television.)Joey:(to the screen) Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! Shoot, or just fall down. That's good too.(A young pregnant woman enters.)Lydia: Knick fan?Joey: Oh, yeah.Lydia: Oh, boy, do they suck.Joey: Hey, listen, lady....(sees that she's pregnant)...whoa.Lydia:Look, look at your man, Ewing. Nice shot. You know what, he couldn't hit water if he was standing on a boat.Joey: Oh yeah? And who do you like?Lydia: The Celtics.Joey: The Celtics? Ha. They couldn't hit a boat if...wait. They suck, alright?Lydia: Oh, shut up. You know, it's a rebuilding year. You... waah!Joey:Wha? Wha..aa? Let me get the father. Hey, we need a father over here! We need a father!Lydia: There is no father.Joey: Oh, oh, oh, sorry.Lydia: Ok, that's ok. I'm fine. I'm... oh!Joey: Oh, uh, ok. Right this way. All the other pregnant women seem to be goin' in here.Lydia: Ok.(Joey accompanies Lydia to a hospital room.)[Scene: The Waiting Room, Phoebe is playing a song. Chandler, Monica, and Ross are there as well.]Phoebe: (singing)They're tiny and chubby and so sweet to touch,and soon they'll grow up and resent you so much.Now they're yelling at you and you don't know why,you cry and you cry and you cry.And you cry and you cry and you cry...(Ross gives Phoebe a dollar.)Phoebe: Thanks, Ross.Ross: Yeah. I'm paying you to stop.Phoebe: Ok.(A woman passes by, carrying newborn twins.)Phoebe: Oh, look, twins. Hi, guys. Oh, cute, cute.Monica: No fair. I don't even have one. How come they get two?Chandler: You'll get one.Monica: Oh yeah? When?Chandler: All right. I'll tell you what. When we're 40, if neither one of us are married, what do you say you and I get together and have one?Monica: Why won't I be married when I'm 40?Chandler: Oh, no, no. I just meant hypothetically.Monica: Ok, hypothetically, why won't I be married when I'm 40?Chandler: No, no, no.Monica: What is it? Is there something fundamentally unmarriable about me?Chandler: (trapped) Uh, uh.Monica: Well?Chandler: Dear God! This parachute is a knapsack! (throws himself over the back of the chair he was sitting in)(Rachel enters, in a formal dress.)Rachel: Hey.Phoebe: Hey. Ooh, look at you, dressy-dress.Monica: Did you go home and change?Rachel: Yeah, well, it's an important day. I wanna look nice. Um, has uh Dr. Franzblau been by?Monica: No, I haven't seen him.Rachel:Well, where is he? He is supposed to be here. (Pause) What if the baby needs him?Chandler:Rachel, what is the deal with you and doctors, anyway? Was, like, your father a doctor?Rachel: Yeah, why?Chandler:No reason. (turns around, makes an 'Oh my God' gesture with his eyes)[Scene: Joey and Lydia in the hospital room. Lydia is on the phone with her mother.]Lydia:Mom, we've been through this. No, I'm not calling him. I don't care if it is his kid, the guy's a jerk. No, I'm not alone. Joey's here. (pause) What do you mean, Joey who? (covers the phone, to Joey) Joey who?Joey: Tribbiani.Lydia: Joey Tribbiani. Yes, ok. Hold on. (to Joey) She wants to talk to you. Take the phone.Joey:(takes phone) Hi, yeah, it's me. (Listens) Oh, no no no, we're just friends. (Listens) Yeah, I'm single. (Listens) 25. (Listens) An actor. (Listens) Hello?Lydia: She's not much of a phone person.Joey:Yeah, so, uh, so, uh, what's the deal with this father guy, I mean, if someone was havin' my baby somewhere, I'd wanna know about it, you know?Lydia: Hey, Knick fan, am I interested in your views on fatherhood? Uh, no.Joey: Ok, look, maybe I should just go.Lydia: Maybe you should.Joey: Good luck, and uh, take care, huh?(He leaves, but then returns a moment later.)Joey: You know what the Celtics problem is? They let the players run the team.Lydia: Oh, that is so not true.Joey: Oh, it is.Lydia: It isn't.Joey: It is.Lydia: Isn't![Scene: Carol's Hospital Room, Ross and Susan are coaching Carol.]Ross: Breathe.Susan: Breathe.Ross: Breathe.Susan: Breathe.Ross: Breathe.Susan: Breathe.Carol: You're gonna kill me!Ross: 15 more seconds, 14, 13, 12...Carol: Count faster.Susan:It's gonna be ok, just remember, we're doing this for Jordie. Just keep focusing on Jordie.Ross: Who the hell is Jordie?Susan: Your son.Ross: No-no-no. I don't have a son named Jordie. We all agreed, my son's name is Jamie.Carol: Well, Jamie was the name of Susan's first girlfriend, so we went back to Jordie.Ross: What? Whoa, whoa whoa whoa, what do you mean, back to Jordie? We never landed on Jordie. We just passed by it during the whole Jessy, Cody, Dylan fiasco.Carol: Ow, ow, ow, ow, leg cramp, leg cramp, leg cramp.Ross: I got it.Susan: I got it.Ross: I got it! Hey, you get to sleep with her, I get the cramps.Susan: No, you don't.Carol: All right, that's it. I want both of you out.Ross: Why?Susan: He started it!Ross: No, you started it.Susan: You did!Carol: I don't care. I am trying to get a person out of my body here, and you're not making it any easier.Ross: But...Carol: Now go!Ross: (to Susan) Thanks a lot.Susan: (to Ross) See what you did.Ross: (to Carol) Yeah, listen...Carol:Out!(Ross and Susan both angrily leave the hopsital room.)[Scene: Lydia's Hospital Room, Joey is helping Lydia go through labor, a nurse is now present in her room as well.]Nurse: Breathe, breathe, breathe...Lydia: Oh, no.(Joey looks down at Lydia.)Joey: Ew! What is that? Something exploded!Nurse: It's just her water breaking. Calm down, will you?Joey: (panicked) Water breaking, what do you mean? What's that, water breaking?Nurse: (to Joey) Breathe, breathe, breathe.[Scene: The Hall, Ross and Susan are arguing.]Ross: Please. This is so your fault.Susan: How, how is this my fault?Ross: Look, Carol never threw me out of a room before you came along.Susan: Yeah? Well, there's a lot of things Carol never did before I came along.Ross: You tryin' to be clever? A funny lady?Susan: You know what your problem is? You're threatened by me.Ross: Oh, I'm threatened by you?Susan: Yes.(Phoebe has heard them arguing and comes down the hall, taking them into a broom closet.)Phoebe:Hey, hey, ok, all right, that's it! Get in here. Come on. My god, you guys, I don't believe you. There are children coming into the world in this very building and your negative fighting noises are not the first thing they should be hearing. So just stop all the yelling, just stop it!Ross: Yeah, Susan.Phoebe: Don't make me do this again, I don't like my voice like this.(Phoebe goes to leave the room, but the door is locked.)Phoebe: Ok, who wants to hear something ironic?Commercial Break[Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross and Susan are trying to get out.]All: Help!Ross:I'm having a baby in here! Ok, everyone stand back. (Walks backwards as if he is going to break down the door, but steps in a bucket and falls) Ow.[Scene: Carol's room, Rachel and Dr. Franzblau are there with her.]Carol: Are they here yet?Rachel: No, honey, they're not, but don't worry, because we are going to find them, and until we do, we are all here for you, ok?Carol: Ok.Rachel: Ok?Carol: Ok.Rachel:(to Dr. Franzblau) Ok, so anyway, you were telling me about Paris, it sounds fascinating.Dr. Franzblau:It really was. There was this great little pastry shop right by my hotel. (Carol sits up in pain, Rachel and Dr. Franzblau casually lay her back down) There you go, dear.[Scene: Lydia's Room, Joey is helping her deliver.]Joey: Come on, Lydia, you can do it. Push! Push 'em out, push 'em out, harder, harder. Push 'em out, push 'em out, way out! Let's get that ball and really move, hey, hey, ho, ho. Let's—(notices the nurse looking at him strangely) I was just—yeah, right. Push! Push![Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross has picked up a vacuum and is holding it at the door.]Susan: What're you gonna do, suck the door open?Ross: Help! Help!Phoebe: (singing) They found their bodies the very next day, they found their bodies the very next...(sees Ross and Susan staring at her) la la la la la la.Susan and Ross: (even louder) Help![Scene: The Waiting Room, Monica is on the phone with her mother, Chandler is standing behind her.]Monica: Now, Mom, everything's going fine, really. (Listens) Yeah, Ross is great. He's uh, he's in a whole other place. (Listens) No, he's gone. (Listens) No no, you don't have to fly back, really. (Listens) What do you mean this might be your only chance? (Listens) Would you stop? I'm only 26, I'm not even thinking about babies yet.(Monica sees a woman pass by with a baby, puts the phone to her chest, and starts to cry. Chandler takes the phone, makes a noise in it resembling static, and hangs up. Joey enters.)Chandler: Where have you been?Joey: Oh, just had a baby.Chandler: Mazel tov![Scene: The Waiting Room, Rachel and Dr. Franzblau have gone to get coffee.]Dr. Franzblau:I don't know, could be an hour, could be three, but relax, she's doing great. So, uh, tell me, are you currently involved with anyone?Rachel: (anxiously) No, no, not at the moment, no, I'm not. Are you?Dr. Franzblau: No, it's hard enough to get women to go out with me.Rachel: Right, yeah, I've heard that about cute doctors.Dr. Franzblau:No, no, really. I suppose it's because I spend so much time, you know, where I do.Rachel: Oh.Dr. Franzblau:I try not to let my work affect my personal life, but it's hard, when you... do what I do. It's like uh...Well, for instance, what do you do?Rachel: I'm a waitress.Dr. Franzblau: Ok, all right, well aren't there times when you come home at the end of the day, and you're just like, 'if I see one more cup of coffee'...Rachel: (getting the point) Yeah. Gotcha.Dr. Franzblau: I'm gonna go check up on your friend.Rachel: Ok. That's fine. (takes her earrings out)[Scene: The Hall Outside Lydia's Room, Joey is walking up to Lydia's room with balloons, but before he enters he sees that the baby's father has arrived. He listens at the door.]Lydia: So how did you know I was even here?Guy: Your mom called me. So is this her?Lydia: No, this is a loaner.Guy: I'm sorry you had to do this by yourself.Lydia:I wasn't by myself. I had a doctor, a nurse, and a helper guy. (Joey smiles) So, did you see who won the game?Guy: Yeah, the Knicks by 10. They suck.Lydia: Yeah, they're not so bad.(Joey closes the door and ties the balloons to the knob. Then he walks away, holding the hand of an inflated balloon animal he had brought.)[Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross is trying to open the door with a credit card, with no success.]Ross: Come on, come on. Damnit, damnit, damnit, damnit. (to Susan) This is all your fault. This is supposed to be, like, the greatest day of my life, y'know? My son is being born, and I should be in there, you know, instead of stuck in a closet with you.Susan:The woman I love is having a baby today. I've been waiting for this just as much as you have.Ross: No no no, believe me. No one has been waiting for this as much as I have, ok? And you know what the funny thing is? When this day is over, you get to go home with the baby, ok? Where does that leave me?Susan: You get to be the baby's father. Everyone knows who you are. Who am I? There's Mother's Day, there's Father's Day, there's no... Lesbian Lover Day.Ross: Every day is Lesbian Lover Day.Phoebe: This is so great.Ross: You wanna explain that?Phoebe:I mean, well, 'cause when I was growing up, you know my dad left, and my mother died, and my stepfather went to jail, so I barely had enough pieces of parents to make one whole one. And here's this little baby who has like three whole parents who care about it so much that they're fighting over who gets to love it the most. And it's not even born yet. It's just, it's just the luckiest baby in the whole world. (pause) I'm sorry, you were fighting.[Scene: Carol's Room, she is ready to give birth. Everyone is there except for Phoebe, Ross, and Susan, who are in the broom closet.]Carol: Where are they?Monica: I'm sure they'll be here soon.Rachel: Yeah, honey, they wouldn't miss this.Joey: Relax. You're only at nine centimeters. And the baby's at zero station.Chandler: (to Joey) You are really frightening me.(Carol suddenly screams in pain and grabs Chandler by the shirt.)Chandler: Somebody wanna help me, tryin' to rip out my heart. (they pull her hand off of him) Uh, that's great. (looking around) Anybody seen a nipple?Dr. Franzblau: All right, ten centimeters, here we go.Nurse: All right, honey, time to start pushing.Carol: But they're not here yet!Dr. Franzblau: I'm sorry, I can't tell the baby to wait for them. Carol: Oh, god.[Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross has used a broom to open the air vent in the ceiling. Phoebe is wearing a janitor's uniform, ready to go up in the vent.]Ross: Ok, got the vent open.Phoebe: (reading the nametag on the uniform) Hi, I'm Ben. I'm hospital worker Ben. It's Ben... to the rescue!Ross:Ben, you ready? All right, gimme your foot. Ok, on three, Ben. One, two, three. Ok, That's it, Ben.(Ross and Susan lift Phoebe up into the vent.)Susan: What do you see?Phoebe: Well, Susan, I see what appears to be a dark vent. Wait. Yes, it is in fact a dark vent.(A janitor opens the closet door from the outside.)Ross: Phoebs, It's open! It's open!(Ross and Susan run to the delivery room, leaving Phoebe dangling from the vent.)Janitor: (to Ross and Susan) Wait! You forgot your legs![Scene: Carol's Room, Ross and Susan rush in.]All: Push, push!Ross: We're here!Carol: (irked) Where have you been?Ross: Long story, honey.Dr. Franzblau: All right, Carol, I need you to keep pushing. I need—(reaches for an instrument, Rachel's hand is on it) Excuse me, could I have this?Nurse: All right, all right, there's a few too many people in this room, and there's about to be one more, so anybody who's not an ex-husband or a lesbian life partner, out you go!All: Good luck!(Everyone heads for the door.)Chandler: (to nurse) Let me ask you, do you have to be Carol's lesbian life partner?Nurse: Out!Dr. Franzblau: All right, he's crowning. Here he comes.Ross: Let me see, I gotta see, I gotta see. Oh, a head. Oh, it's, it's huge. Carol, how are you doing this?Carol: (straining) Not.... helping!Dr. Franzblau: You're doing great, you're doing fine.Ross: (puts his head near the baby) Hello! (to Dr. Franzblau) Oh, sorry.Susan: What do you see? What do you see?Ross: We got a head, we got shoulders, we got arms, we got, oh, look at the little fingers, oh, and a chest, and a stomach. It's a boy, definitely a boy! All right! Ok, legs, knees, and feet. Oh, oh. He's here. He's a person.Susan: Oh, look at that.Carol: What does he look like?Ross: Kinda like my uncle Ed, covered in Jell-o.Carol: Really?Phoebe: (from the air vent overhead) You guys, he's beautiful!Ross: Oh, thanks, Pheebs!(They look up towards the vent and wave at Phoebe.)[Scene: The Delivery Room, Carol is holding the infant.]Susan: No shouting, but we still need a name for this little guy.Ross: (thinking) How 'bout Ben?Susan: I like Ben.Carol: Ben. Ben. Ben's good. How come you never mentioned Ben before?Ross: We uh, we just cooked it up.Susan: That's what we were off doing.(Monica opens the door.)Monica: Hi.Ross: Hey.Monica: Can we come in?(The whole gang enters.)Ross: (to Ben) I know, I know. Everybody, there's someone I'd like you to meet. Yeah. This is Ben. Ben, this is everybody.Phoebe: Susan, he looks just like you.Susan: Thanks.Rachel: Oh, god, I can't believe one of us actually has one of these.Chandler: I know, I still am one of these.Monica: Ross, can I?(Monica holds Ben.)Ross: The head, the head. You gotta...Monica: (getting choked up) Hi, Ben. Hi. I'm your Aunt Monica. Yes I am. I'm your Aunt Monica. I...I will always have gum.Closing Credits[Scene: The Hospital, the camera is placed as though it were Ben's eyes.]Ross: Ben, I want you to know that there may be some times when I may not be around, like this. (walks out of the picture) But I'll still always come back, like this. (returns) And sometimes I may be away longer, like this. (walks away) But I'll still always come back, like this. (returns)(Chandler comes into the picture.)Chandler: And sometimes, I'll want you to steal third, and I'll go like this. (Does a baseball sign.)(The rest of the group come into the picture.)Monica: He is so amazing.Rachel: Oh, I know. Look at him.Joey: Ben, Ben, hey Ben. Nothing. I don't think that's his name.Phoebe:Oh, look, look, he's closing his eyes. (screen goes blank) Look, he's opening his eyes. (picture comes back)Joey: He doesn't do much, does he?Ross: No, this is pretty much it.(long moment of silence)Rachel: You guys wanna get some coffee?All: Yeah.Ross: All right, I'll see you guys later.(They all leave but Ross, but they all come back a few seconds later. They make faces at the baby.)Phoebe: Oh, look, he's closing his eyes again. (The screen fades to black.)End。
How'd someone getyour credit card number?I have no idea.Look how much they spent!Calm down. You only have to payfor the stuff you bought.Still, it's just such reckless spending. When somebody steals your credit card... ...they've kind of alreadythrown caution to the wind.Wow, what a geek.They spent $. on a Wonder Mop.That's me.Oh! Oh, the yuck.He's doing it again!Marcel, stop humping the lamp!Stop humping!Now, Marcel, come back!Come here, Marcel!Oh, no, no! Not in my room!I'll get him.You've got to do somethingabout the humping.What? It's just a phase.Well, that's what we said about Joey. Hey, would you all relax?It's not that big a deal.RACHEL:Marcel, stop it! Marcel! Bad monkey! - What?RACHEL: Ugh!Let's just say my Curious George doll is no longer curious.Ugh, Monica, you are not stillgoing over that thing.- This woman's living my life.- What?She's living my life,and she's doing it better than me. Look at this. Look.She buys tickets to plays I want to see. She shops at stores thatI'm intimidated by the salespeople. She spent $ on art supplies.You're not an artist.Yeah, well, I might beif I had the supplies.I mean, I could do all this stuff.Only I don't.Oh, Monica, come on.You do cool things.Oh, really? Let's compare, shall we? Oh, it's so late for "shall we?"Do I go horseback ridingin the park, hmm?Do I take classes at The New School?- No.- No.This is so unfair.She's got everything I want,and she doesn't have my mother.How about Joey Paponi?No, still too ethnic. My agent thinksI should have a name that's more neutral. Joey Switzerland?Plus I think it should be Joe.Joey makes me sound like I'm... ...this big.Which I'm not!Joe, Joe, Joe... Stalin?Stalin.Do I know that name?That sounds familiar.- Well, it does not ring a bell with me. - Huh.Joe Stalin.You know, that's pretty good.- You might want to try Joseph.- Ah!Joseph Stalin!- I think you'd remember that!- Oh, yes!Bye Bye Birdie, starring Joseph Stalin. Joseph Stalin is the Fiddler on the Roof. - Hey.- Hey.Hi.Hi. Uh, yes, this is Monica Geller.Um, I'm taking classes with you,and I was wondering what they were. What are you doing?All right, great.Great. Thanks a lot.I'm going to tap class.So you can dance with the womanthat stole your card?She's got my life.I want to see who she is.Go to the post office!I'm sure her picture's up!Honey, you're kind of losing it here. This is really becominga weird obsession.This is madness, I tell you.For the love of God, Monica, don't do it! Thank you.What do you think?Lots of things.Which one do you think she is?- May I help you?- Oh, no, thanks.We're just here to observe.You don't observe a dance class.You dance a dance class!Spare shoes are over there.What does she mean?I think she means, "You dance......a dance class!"Come on, come on, come on!RACHEL:Really?Hey, do you see anybodyyou think could be me?People, last time there were yogurt containers lying around after class.Let's not have that happen again!She could be you.Let's get started.Five, six. Five, six, seven, eight.Okay, I'm not getting this!I'm totally getting it!Do you ever just feel like you'reso unbelievably uncoordinated? What? You just click when they click. All right.Now everyone grab a partner.Oh! Oh.All right. And my dead mothersaid you are it! I'm with Rachel. Great, it's gym class all over again. RACHEL & PHOEBE:Aww.That's all right. You can come upto the front and dance with me.Why don't I just take off my clothes and have a nightmare?It's okay, it's okay!I'm here, I'm here. I'm so sorry I'm late. Okay, here I am.So who's the new tense girl?She's your partner.- Hi, I'm Monica.- Hi.Oh, ha.Monica.Hi, I'm Mon...Nana.- Monana?- Yeah.It's Dutch.You're kidding.I spent three years in Amsterdam. [SPEAKING IN DUTCH]Um, Pennsylvania Dutch.And we're dancing!Five, six, seven, eight.Hi.- Hey.- Hey.- Where have you been?- I just got back from the vet.She's not gonna make you weara big plastic cone, is she?She says Marcel's humping thingis not a phase.Apparently, he's reached sexual maturity.Hey, he beat you!She says, as time goes on,he'll start getting aggressive and violent. What does this mean?I have to give him up.I can't believe it. This sucks!You just got him.How could he be an adult already?I know, I know.One day he's this little thing......and before you know it,he's this little thing......I can't get off my leg.Isn't there any way you can keep him? No. No.The vet said that unless he's in a place where he has regular access......to some monkey loving......he's just gonna get vicious.I just gotta get him into a zoo.- How do you get a monkey into a zoo? - I know that one!No, that's popes into a Volkswagen. We're applying to a lot of them.Our first choice would be a state zoo. You know, like, uh, San Diego. Right?But that may just be a pipe dream because he's out-of-state.My vet knows someone at Miami,so that's a possibility.But that's two blocks from the beach. It's a total party zoo.- Hey.CHANDLER: Hey.- Hi.- We found the girl!- What?- Did you call the cops?Nope. We took her to lunch.Ah. Your own brand of vigilante justice. Are you insane?This woman stole from you!She stole! She's a stealer!After you're with this womanfor minutes, you forget all that.I mean, she's this astounding person... ...with this amazing spirit!Yeah, which she probably stolefrom some cheerleader!- Take off their hats.- Popes in a Volkswagen!Mm-hm.I love that joke.- No way! No way did you do this!- Monana was very brave.It was so wild.We told them we werethe Gunnersons in room ......only to find out the Boston Celtics had the entire sixth floor!So when they caught on to the fact that we're short and have breasts... They threw us out.I was thrown out of a hotel! Me! Go, Monana!Well, you ladies are notthe only ones living the dream.I get to go pour coffee for peopleI don't know. Don't wait up.Oh, by the way......tomorrow we're auditioningfor a Broadway show.Excuse me?There's an open call for Cats.I'm thinking we go down there,sing "Memories"......and make complete fools of ourselves. What do you say?No, no, no.Remember whoyou're dealing with here. Ha.I'm not like you. I can't evenstand in front of a tap class.That's because ofyour Amish background.- What?- Well, you're Pennsylvania Dutch, right?Till I bought a blow dryer.Then I was shunned.I was just like you.And then one day, I saw a moviethat changed my life.- Did you ever see Dead Poets Society?- Uh-huh.I thought that movie was so incredibly... ...boring!I mean, that thing at the endwhere the kid......kills himself becausehe can't be in the play?What was that?It's like, "Kid, wait a year.Leave home, do some community theater!"I walked out of there, and I thought: "Now, that's two hours of my lifethat I'm never getting back!"And that scared me more thanall the other crap I was afraid to do.Then I would definitelynot recommend Mrs. Doubtfire. [LAUGHING]Oh, God.We didn't get into Scranton.That was our safety zoo.They take, like, dogs and cows.See?I don't know who thisis harder on, me or him.I'd say that chair's taking the brunt of it. ROSS:Marcel. Marcel.Marcel, no.Good boy!See? How can nobody want him? Somebody will.You know there already is a Joseph Stalin? You're kidding!Apparently, he was this Russian dictator who slaughtered all these people!- You'd think you would've known that! - You'd think I would've.Phoebe, what do you thinka good stage name for me would be? [CLEARS THROAT]Flame Boy!Where exactly is your zoo?Well, it's technically not a zoo per se.It's, uh, more of an interactivewildlife experience.Let me ask you some questions about... Is it, uh, Marcel?- Yes.- Yes. Uh...Does he, uh, fight with other animals? No, no. He's very docile.Hmm. Even if he were cornered? Well, I don't know. Why?Um, how is he at handling small objects? He can hold a banana,if that's what you mean.What about a hammer or a small blade?[STAMMERS]Why would he need a blade?If he's up against a jungle cator an animal with horns......you got to givethe little guy something. Otherwise, it's just cruel! [PANTING]He got into San Diego!- What?- Yeah.We were coming back from our walk, and the phone was ringing...- He's in!- He's in? Ah!Did you hear that, Marcel?San Diego! San Diego! Yeah!You're making a mistake.San Diego's well and good......but if you give him to me,I'll start him against a blind rabbit... ...and give you percent of the gate.Yo-ho!Where have you been?Monica and I just crashedan embassy party.Are you drunk?No!I'm lying.I am so drunk!Oh, God!Ugh. Great. You know what?You could have called.I've been up here. I've been worried... Monica.Monica?Water rules!Yes. Yes, it does.The restaurant called.They want to know if you're showing up. Nope!I'm going to the Big Apple Circus today. What are you doing?You're gonna lose your job. This is not you!No, it is me!I'm not just the personwho needs to fluff the pillows......and pay the bills as soon as they come in! You know, when I'm with her,I'm so much more than that!I'm...I'm Monana![PHONE RINGING]Ahem, hello?Yes, she is. Hold on a second, please. Ahem, Monana, it's for you.The credit card people.Hello?Yes?Oh, my God!Thanks.What?They've arrested Monica.- Hi.- Hey.How are you?I'm not too bad.Fortunately, blue's my color.How did you know I was here? Because......I'm Monica Geller.It was my credit card you were using. That I was not expecting.I want you to know, I didn't turn you in. Oh.- Thanks.- No, thank you.You have given me so much.If it wasn't for you,I'd never have gotten......to sing "Memories"at the Winter Garden Theater. Actually, you only got to sing "Memo..."I can't believe you're in here.What am I gonna do without you? Who's gonna crashthe embassy parties with me?Who's gonna take meto the Big Apple Circus?Monica, I started my day by peeingin front of other women......and you're worried about who will take you to the Big Apple Circus? Well, not worried,you know, just wondering.There's nothing to wonder about.You'll go back to being who you were because that's who you are.- Not necessarily.- Yes, necessarily.I don't know what it is.Maybe it's the Amish thing.Um, I'm not actually Amish.Really? Then why are you like that? You by the door, in or out?In!You in the back, you're getting it wrong! At least I'm doing it!WOMAN [OVER PA]: This is the final boarding call for Flight to San Diego......boarding at Gate A.Okay, goodbye, little monkey guy.- I wrote you this poem.- Aw.Okay, but don't eat ittill you get on the plane.- Thank you, Aunt Phoebe.- Aww.Okay, bye, champ.There's gonna be a lot of babesin San Diego......but remember, there's also a lot to learn.I don't know what to say, Ross.Uh, it's a monkey.Just say what you feel, Joey.Marcel, I'm hungry.ROSS:That was good.- Marcel, this is for you.- Oh.It's, uh, just, you know,something to, um......do on the plane.If you don't mind,I'd like a moment, just me and him.- Sure.- Of course. Absolutely.ALL:Oh.Marcel, come here. Come here.Come here.Well, buddy......this is it.There's just a couple of thingsI wanted to say.I'm really gonna miss you.You know? And I'm never gonna forget about you.You've been more than just a pet to me. You've been more like a...Okay. Marcel, would you...?Marcel, would you leave my leg alone? Would you just stop humping mefor two seconds? Marc... Would you...?Okay, would you just take him away? Just take him.O! That I were a gloveupon that hand......that I might touch thy cheek. WOMAN:That's fine. Thank you.MAN:Next.Hi. Uh, I'll be readingfor the role of Mercutio.MAN: Name?- Holden McGroin.[English - US - SDH]怎么会有人知道你的信用卡号码？我也不知道看看他们花了多少钱摩妮卡，冷静点，信用卡公司说你只要付你有买东西的钱但这真的是挥霍无度我想他们偷你的信用卡时…早就将王法抛诸脑后了哇，真是怪人花了美金点元买神奇拖把是我买的噢，嗯心他又来了马塞尔，别再侵犯那盏灯了不要这样马塞尔，回来！过来这里，．马塞尔不要！别去我房间！我去抓他罗斯，你得想想办法干嘛？只是阶段性而已我们也是那样说乔伊的放轻松点好吗？没什么大不了的马塞尔，给我停止！马塞尔！你这个坏猴子怎么了？就说我的好奇娃娃已经不再好奇了吧片名：六人行（第一季）剧名：盗刷信用卡主演：珍妮佛安妮斯顿主演：寇妮考克斯主演：丽莎库卓主演：麦特勒布兰主演：马修派端主演：大卫修蒙摩妮卡，你不会还在看那个东西吧一这个女人过着我的生活一什么？她在过我的生活而且过得比我好你看看这个，看制月：塔德史帝文斯她买票去看我想看的戏她买的衣服是我早就想买的编剧：亚当却斯艾扛安德里德她花三百美金在美术用品上你又不是艺术家如果我有那些东西或许就可以了这些我都可以做啊只是我都没做导演：盖尔曼库索摩妮卡，别这样你也做很多很棒的事情啊是吗？来比较一下吧现在做比较会不会太晚了？我会去公园骑．马吗？我会在新学院大学上课吗？一不会一不会太不公平了她有所有我要的东西而且不用应付我妈乔伊帕帕尼如何？不行，太有种族意味了我的经记人觉得要取中立一点的名字乔伊瑞士？而且我觉得叫乔就好乔伊听起来好像我只有…这么大而已但我并不是！乔、乔、乔…史达林？史达林我听过那个名字吗？好耳熟我没印象乔史达林还挺不错的还可以试试乔瑟夫乔瑟夫史达林！一大家一定会记得！一当然啦！《别了，．鸟充》由乔瑟夫史达林主演乔瑟夫史达林是《屋顶上的提琴手》一埋嗨我是摩妮卡盖勒嗨我在你们那边上课我想知道是什么课程你在干嘛？好，太好了好，谢谢了我要去上踢踏舞课了好让你跟偷了你信用的女人一起跳舞吗？她偷了我的人生我想知道她是谁那就去邮局啊！我相信里面有张贴她的照月亲爱的，你快失控了这已经变成怪异的执迷这太疯狂了，我告诉你上帝保佑，摩妮卡别这么做你们怎么想？想很多事情你觉得她是哪一个？一有我可以效劳的地方吗？一不用了，谢谢我们只是来参观的舞蹈课不是用来参观的要用刀匕的那边有鞋子什么意思？我想她是说〝舞蹈课…要用跳的！〞来吧…！真的吗？嘿，你有看到我的分身吗？各位，上次下课后有人留下优格空瓶不要再让这种事发生了！她可以当你的分身开始，巴八六七五六五我完全不会！好我超会的！你会觉得自己超不协调的吗？干嘛？他们踢的时候跟着踢就是了好吧，各位，找个舞伴我死去的母亲说就是你，我跟瑞秋是舞伴太好了，体育课的旧事又重演了没关系，你可以来前面跟我搭档我还不如脱掉衣服做个恶梦算了？没关系了，我来了！很抱歉我迟到了好，我到了这位紧张的新人是谁？她是你的舞伴一嗨，我是摩妮卡一嗨摩妮卡嗨，我是摩…娜娜一摩娜娜？一是的是荷兰语闲玩笑吧我在阿姆斯特丹住了三年我是宾州的荷兰人要即匕舞了！五、六、七、八嗨一理一埋一你去哪了？一我N . J从兽医那里回来她不会叫你戴那些塑胶头套吧？她说马塞尔乱性不是暂时的显然他已经性成熟了嘿，他比你还快耶！她说他会愈来愈暴力侵略性愈来愈强什么意思？我得放弃他（中央咖啡厅）我不敢相信，罗斯这太扯了！我不懂，你才刚养他怎么可能已经成年了？我知道，前一天才小小只的…不知不觉中就变成…紧抓我的腿不放的小东西没有办法能让你留下他吗？没有兽医说除非有个地方…让他获得正常的猴爱否则他会愈来愈残暴我得把他送到动物园一要怎么把猴子送到动物园？一我知道！不，那是教宗进入福斯汽车我们申请了很多动物园首要选择当然是州立动物园像是圣地牙哥对吧？但那可能是遥不可及的梦想因为他来自州外我的兽医在迈阿密有认识人所以有可能去那里但那里离海滩只有两条街一定是轰趴动物园嘿一嗨一我们找到那个女生了！一什么？一有打电话给警察吗？没有，我们请她吃午餐你们自己的私自执法方式你疯了吗？这个女人偷了你的东西！她偷东西，是小偷耶！跟她相处十分钟之复你就会忘掉这些了她真的是个奇女子…振奋人心！是啊，可能是从啦啦队员那里偷来的！一把帽子脱掉一福斯车里的教宗！我超爱那个笑话一不可能！你不可能这么做！一摩娜娜很勇敢超狂野的我们跟他们说我们是号房的冈lJ氏姐妹…才知道波士顿的《塞尔蒂克队》包下整个六楼！当他们发现我们很矮而且有胸部后就把我们轰出去我被饭店赶出去，我耶！好样的，摩娜娜！不是只有你们活在梦想中我得去为我不认识的人倒咖啡了，不用等我了噢，还有一件事…我们明天要去参加百老汇的试镜什么？《猫》剧有一个缺额我想说我们可以去演唱《回忆》…把自己当成傻子你觉得如何？不、不、不要记得我是什么样的人我不像你，我连站在踢踏舞教室前面都有困难那大概是因为你有孟诺教派的背景一什么？一你是宾州的荷兰人，对吧？对直到我买了吹风机就被逐出村里我以前就跟你一样然后有一天，我看了一部改变我一生的电影你有看过《春风化雨》吗？我觉得那部电影超级…无聊的！最复那个孩子自杀…只因为不能参与话剧演出？搞什么？拜托，等个一年离家参与社区话团演出不就行了我走出戏院后心想…〝我浪费了永远拿不回来的两小时生命〞那个想法震撼了我让我及时行乐那我绝对不雅荐你看《窈窕奶爸》天啊我们进不了斯克兰顿那是我们的保障动物园他们连狗和牛都收看吧我不懂是我还是他比较难受我想是那张椅子最难受马塞尔，．马塞尔马塞尔，不要弄了好孩子！看到了吗？怎么可能没人要他？会有人要的你们知道已经有位乔瑟夫史达林了吗？你在开玩笑吧！显然他是个俄国独栽者屠杀过很多人一你会想说这种事情应该要知道的！一你会想说我该知道的菲比，你觉得什么艺名适合我？火焰男孩！你的动物园在哪里？严格来说，它不能算是动物园它比较像是互动的野生体验让我问问你几个问题他叫做马塞尔对吧？对对他会和其他动物打架吗？不会，他非常温驯即使被逼到角落去也一样吗？嗯，我不太清楚为什么问？他掌控小东西的能力为何？他可以握住香蕉如果你是这佃意思的话铁槌或小刀呢？他为什么会需要小刀？如果他得面对猎豹或有角的动物…总得给他点东西自我防卫吧不然就太残忍了！他能去圣地牙哥了！一什么？一对我们散步回来后电话响起一他进了！一他进了？你有听到吗，马塞尔？是圣地牙哥耶！太棒了！你真的犯下大错圣地牙哥的环境是很不错…但如果你把他交给我我会训练他对抗瞎眼的兔子…还给你百分之二十的门票收入你去哪袒了？摩妮卡和我跑去大使馆派对你喝醉了吗？才没有！我说谎我超醉的！天啊！太好了，你该打通电话回来的我一直在家里担心你摩妮卡摩妮卡？水超棒的！是的，没错餐厅今天又打来了他们想知道你会不会去上班不会！我今天要去看大苹果马戏团你在干嘛？你会失去你的工作这一点都不像你不，这正是我！我不只是那种必须拍松枕头…帐单一来就立刻缴钱的人我跟她在一起时就不再是那样的人！我是…我是摩娜娜！喂？她在，请稍等摩娜娜，找你的信用卡公司打来的喂？是天啊！谢了怎么了？他们逮捕摩妮卡了（纽约市矫正着）一嗨一嘿你还好吗？还可以幸好我喜欢蓝色你怎么知道我在这里的？因为…我是摩妮卡盖勒你之前用的是我的信用卡这点我完全没料到我想让你知道报案的人不是我一谢了一不，我才要谢谢你你带给我太多东西了如果不是你我永远无法…在冬花园剧院演唱《回忆》其实你只开口唱了〝回〞而已我不敢相信你在这里没有你我该怎么办？谁会跟我混进大使馆宴会？谁要带我去看大苹果马戏团？摩妮卡，我每天早上都得在二十五个人面前尿尿…你却担心谁要带你去看大苹果马戏团？也不是担心我只是纳闷而已没什么好纳问的你就回去过以前的生活因为那才是真正的你一也不尽然一就是这样我不知道是为什么或许和你是孟诺教派的人有关我其实不是孟诺教派的人真的吗？那你为何那么像？站在门边的那个要不要加入？要！复面的那个，你全都跳错了！至少我有在即目这是飞柱圣地牙哥航班的最复登机通知登机门为ZA好，再见了，小家伙我替你写了一首诗但是上了飞机才能吃谢谢你，菲比阿姨好，再见了，好小子我知道圣地牙哥有很多美眉…但是记得要学的事情还很多罗斯，我不知道该说些什么他是只猴子说出心里的威受就行了马塞尔，我饿了那很好啊马塞尔，这是给你的这是…你知道让你…在飞机上有事情做如果你们不介意的话我想跟他独处一下一好一当然可以马塞尔，过来这边来吧小子…就这样了我想说几件事我会很想念你的我永远不会忘记你你对我而官…一直不只是只宠物你更像是…好，，马塞尔，你可以…？马塞尔，你可以不要弄我的脚吗？你能暂时不要乱来吗？马塞…？好，麻烦把他带走带他走吧喔，希望我是你手上的手套…这样就能抚模你的脸颊行了，谢谢下一位嗨，我来试演．马丘修的角色一你的名字？一豪顿麦鼠蹊。
【蓝光原盘收藏】老友记六人行 Friends 1080P高清1080P高清" TITLE="【蓝光原盘珍藏】老友记/六人行/Friends 1080P高清" />六人行【Friends】是美国NBC电视台于1994年开端推出的电视情景喜剧，迄今为止已经播出十个拍摄季，超过200集。
由华纳兄弟公司〈Warner Bro.〉出品。
整部戏由三男三女共六位俊男美女担纲演出，不断请到明星与设计师等各界绅士客串参加，播出以来一直为NBC电视网的招牌戏之一。
本剧的六位明星分辨为大卫.修蒙、珍妮佛.安妮斯顿、马修.派瑞、寇特妮.克斯、麦特.雷布兰克和丽莎.库卓。
他们六个扮演“朋友们”住在纽约市区的公寓中;他们之间的友谊、爱情和事业就是这部电视剧的主线，六个人赫然的个性、幽默的性情使得《六人行》在欧美国家获得了宏大的胜利，它已经成了新一代美国青年人的“必看电视剧”，也屡次刷新了美国晚间档节目标收视记载。
从1994年至今，《六人行》共取得了33次艾美奖的提名，其中四次为“出色喜剧奖”提名;因为演员们的杰出配合，还群体失掉了1996年的片子演员工会奖;该剧还被三次提名金球奖的最佳电视剧音乐剧笑剧奖;《六人行》曾经三次获得大众抉择奖。
剧情梗概:六人行》里，六个人之间及各自的情感过程紧紧地吸引着观众，表示着年青人对爱情的纯挚立场。
比方10年来，剧中最要害的一对--罗斯和瑞秋，他们的故事牵动着每一个观众的心，从罗斯最初怯于向暗恋十多少年的瑞秋表白，到后来俩人热恋，分手，再复合，再分别……重要演员:瑞秋-格林(RACHEL GREENE)由珍妮佛-安妮斯顿(Jennifer Aniston)扮演瑞秋是莫妮卡的高中同窗，在与牙医未婚夫的婚礼上脱逃至莫妮卡处。
[个性]未经世事的医家千金小姐,黑丝，生活上的大白痴(连垃圾都不会倒哦~) [个性]因而也有些骄纵;另外，没什么主意，对人我行我素。
婚姻问题上，本想走上同母亲一样的途径，但当她懂得到自己爱结婚贺礼赛过未婚夫时，就从婚礼上跑掉了。
25岁才煮了这辈子第一杯咖啡的她，主修艺术史副修跳舞，为了独破就先在咖啡屋当女侍。
她从没工作过，鼓起勇气来面对事实的贫苦，不过仍是没忘了带她老爸的信誉卡附卡出门。
对性的态度比拟随便;由不愁吃穿到自食其力吃了不少苦头没有什么技巧，除了……购物[怪癖]高中时鼻子大过成龙，后来做了缩鼻手术;喜欢拿人家送她的礼物去换非常有男人缘，偏爱男医生[职业]原来是“中心咖啡厅”的服务生，后来进了服装公司做采购助理(专业对口啊)珍妮佛-安妮斯顿作品年表:2003:冒牌天神(Bruce Almighty)2002:好女孩(The Good Girl)2001:摇滚巨星(Rock Star)1999:上班一条虫(Office Space)1998:欲擒故纵(The Object of My Affection)1997,1998:无梦的丽人(Dream for an Insomniac)1997:纯属虚构(Picture Perfect)1996:爱是独一(She's the One)罗斯-盖勒(Ross Geller)由大卫-修蒙(David Schwimmer)表演罗斯为莫妮卡的哥哥，于高中时即暗恋妹妹的同学瑞秋，但始终不敢表白。
[个性]有点一板一眼,不能忍受别人违背秩序,爸妈眼中的优等生，从小得奖如同粗茶淡饭不同于钱德和乔伊，他甚是专情，在美国这样一个性开放的国度中不一样的男人,非常心疼他的儿子本养过始终叫作“马赛尔”的猴子且对它一往情深因前任老婆是同性恋而离婚但对她始终无奈忘情在对感情的表白上显得非常胆小，对婚姻缺少信念，共计有三次离婚记载 [怪癖]事事都爱与前妻的同性恋爱人苏珊竞争不能忍耐别人对“人类是由猴子进化而来的”的观点有涓滴猜忌 [职业]博物馆考古学家，大学讲师，收入颇丰大卫-修蒙作品年表:2003:改变(Turnaround),2001:兄弟连(Band of Brothers)1999:雷霆穿梭人(Picking Up the Pieces)1998:纳粹高徒(Apt Pupil)1998:亲吻傻瓜(Kissing a Fool)1998:再见，不联系(Since You've Been Gone)(自导自演)1998:六天七夜(Six Days Seven Nights)1997:双峰好汉(Breast Men)1996:抬棺人(Pallbearer)莫妮卡-盖勒(Monica Geller)由科妮寇-克斯(Courteney Cox Arquette)扮演莫妮卡是《六人行》的核心人物，其他五人能够说就是由她延长出来的。
[个性]像是妈妈般的照料大家，爱管闲事，让她成为大家的支柱。
在市区最炫餐厅担负厨师，不管工作和生涯上，凡事都请求当真一心，颠三倒四——连床单的铺法角度，她都有必定的规则。
爱好把持别人，任何场所都不肯服输。
从小被哥哥罗斯的优良成就給比了下去在爸妈眼前显得很不如哥哥而且肥胖，担任家中垃圾筒的角色(毁灭剩饭，好可怜～)最爱在本人家筹备盛宴接待朋友，享受当女主人的感到，不过她搞的派对太过严正和正经，好象都不人喜欢在恋情的疆场上她屡败屡战，来往过的男友十分之多其中以一个叔叔辈的眼科医生与一个网络界的亿万富翁用情最深后深深与钱德相恋并步入礼堂。
[怪癖]高中時是一个超级胖妹有强烈洁癖对女生來讲，活动神经无比的发达盼望婚姻和小孩烹饪技巧高明[职业]某餐厅小厨师，自在办桌，某餐厅二厨，大厨兼洽购部主管(当天因“行贿”被取消，委屈啊)科妮寇-克斯作品年表:2003: 12月(The December)2002:早日痊愈(Get Well Soon)2000:惊声尖叫(Scream)1、2、3 1996-1996:戒律(Commandments)1994:神探飞机头(Ace Ventura: Pet Detective)钱德-宾(Chandler Bing)由马修-派瑞(Matthew Perry)扮演钱德为罗斯的大学同学，因此与罗斯、莫妮卡结识甚久。
[个性]爱好逞口舌之利公认是以幽默感在武?自己，以防止吐露实在的感情;有点精力质在至公司上班，颇受老板重视但他自身更想当风趣作家。
喜欢冷眼傍观再讥讽讽刺大家，常常会有不可笑的滑稽感呈现。
交女友人每每受挫钱德总是担忧自己会是六人中最晚结婚的孤单白叟有一自第一季即分分合合的女友珍妮丝[怪癖]有第三个乳头常被人误认是同性恋有个以写**小说很闻名的妖艳妈妈由于父母在感恩节离婚，最讨厌感恩节的欢喜氛围好不轻易才戒了烟瘾异常惧怕给女友下许诺[职业]某公司数据部分主管，收入颇丰。
马修-派瑞作品年表:2003:芝加哥，性的腐化(Sexual Perversity in Chicago),2002:败金妙错误(Servicing Sarah)2000:杀手不眨眼(The Whole Nine Yards)1999:三人探戈(Three to Tango)1999:简直成豪杰(Almost Heroes)1997:傻爱成真(Fools Rush In) 菲比-巴费(Phoebe Buffay)由丽莎-库卓(Lisa Kudrow)扮演菲比为莫妮卡的旧室友，后因受不了其洁癖而搬走。
[个性]乐天浪漫不问世事常说出(更多是唱出～)一些让人啼笑皆非的话也常会答非所问却是六人中最客观最有感性的常常担任劝架的角色碰到大事，就数她最雀跃爱好创作和演唱，最著名的代表作就是“臭臭猫”，还曾录过MTV，不过被唱片公司动了四肢，找人配唱;在中央咖啡厅驻唱不过后来被代替，沦为接头艺人。
在她眼中每个人都是好人，对每个人都是无差异的爱。
[怪癖]素食主义者，不吃“有脸的生物”，(不外有一次咬住肉饼不松口)。
常自称可以通灵，还闹过鬼附身;不信任大局部人所谓的真谛(甚至进化论跟地球重力)身世崎岖(生父跑了、母亲“逝世”了、继父进了监狱)，人生阅历却因此丰盛有个不很亲却努力想对他好的怪弟弟有个她很厌恶的双胞胎姐姐[职业]自由业，常任推拿师，作过司机，歌手，秘书，女侍等等库卓作品年表: 丽莎-200:大快人心的终局(Happy Endings)1999,2002:老大靠边闪(Analyze This, Analyze That)2001:一爱到底(All Over the Guy)2000:来电传情(Hanging Up)1999:荣幸数字(Lucky Numbers)1997:阿珠与阿花(Romy and Michele's High School Reunion)乔伊-崔比昂尼(Joey Tribbiani)由麦特-雷布兰克(Matt Le Blanc)扮演乔伊与钱德为共租公寓的室友，天然也是莫妮卡和瑞秋的街坊。
[个性]四肢发达脑筋简略型的纨绔子弟(假如说菲比有些早熟，乔伊好象蛮晚熟的^-^)历经女友无数但从未有过刻骨铭心的爱情意大利裔美国人，没有受过很高的教导只管对男女之事甚是敏感在其余各方面都浮现出别人所缺乏的童心老是会错意，老说大口语。
每每看到他那呆呆或贼贼的表情，很难不会意的微笑[怪癖]他爸爸除正娶的乔伊妈妈外，尚有一从事“宠物殡葬业”的情人极为溺爱他的七个妹妹与钱德对照后，乔伊对自己的性才能相称自负差一点演了A片养了一只小鸡和一只小鸭作为宠物[职业]最大的自豪就是曾在“咱们的日子”中上演，崇敬艾尔帕西诺，情愿当其屁股的替人;却经常只能当当常设演员，保持生计。
兼职过很多工作，百货公司的香水试喷员，博物馆讲解员，广告模特儿等等，还在钱德的公司混过饭吃。
收入极不稳固，饱一顿饥一顿。
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