脆弱的力量 Brene Brown
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ted最值得看的10个演讲-回复TED最值得看的10个演讲TED Talks是一个受人尊敬和备受关注的平台,汇集了来自世界各个领域的杰出人士的演讲。
他们的演讲主题涉及到科技、艺术、教育、心理学等各个领域。
在这些演讲中,有一些真正影响了我们的思维方式和改变了我们的生活。
以下是我认为TED最值得看的10个演讲:1. "Do Schools Kill Creativity?" by Sir Ken Robinson"学校是否扼杀了创造力?"——肯·罗宾逊爵士这是一场非常有名的演讲,肯·罗宾逊爵士讨论了学校教育对于培养创造力的负面影响。
他指出我们生活在一个快速变化的世界中,然而学校教育却未能适应这种变化。
他呼吁我们改变教育体系,创造一个培养创造力和想象力的环境。
2. "The Power of Vulnerability" by Brene Brown"脆弱的力量"——布莱恩·布朗这场演讲探讨了脆弱和勇气之间的关系。
布莱恩·布朗认为脆弱是我们连接他人的桥梁,也是真实的表现。
她通过自己的研究和经验,分享了如何拥抱自己的脆弱,并从中获得力量和成长。
3. "Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are" by Amy Cuddy "你的身体语言塑造了你的自我"——艾米·卡迪艾米·卡迪的演讲讨论了身体语言对我们的自我认知和自信心的影响。
她分享了通过调整身体姿势来改变自己的内心状态和表现的方法,并着重强调了权力姿势的重要性。
4. "The Puzzle of Motivation" by Dan Pink"动机之谜"——丹·平克这场演讲探讨了现有激励体系对于激发员工创造力和工作动力的失败。
《脆弱的力量》:探索心灵深处的勇气与成长布琳·布朗的《脆弱的力量》是一本引人入胜的作品,它挑战了我们对于脆弱性的传统认知,并引导我们重新审视自身的情感与经历。
在阅读这本书的过程中,我深受启发,对于脆弱性的理解也有了全新的认识。
我们常常被那些负面的情绪所困扰,如脆弱、羞耻、恐惧和自卑。
这些情绪让我们觉得自己是不完美的,甚至阻碍了我们的成长。
然而,布朗却以独特的视角来看待这些情感。
她认为,正是这些脆弱赋予了我们力量。
在人生的道路上,我们总会遇到各种困难和挑战,而正是这些脆弱让我们更加勇敢地面对它们。
布朗的观点让我重新审视了自己的生活。
我曾经因为害怕被他人评价而隐藏自己的脆弱,但现在我明白,只有勇敢地面对自己的不完美,才能真正地成长。
这本书教会了我,拥抱自己的脆弱并不是一种软弱,而是一种勇气。
此外,书中还提到了关于全心投入生活的观点。
当我们全身心地投入到生活中,我们就能从中获得价值感和勇气。
这种投入不仅仅是一时的选择,而是一个持续的过程。
我们需要从生活中汲取力量,培养自己的勇气和仁慈心。
此外,书中还强调了爱的重要性。
无论是给予还是接受爱,都是我们生活中不可或缺的部分。
当我们学会爱自己,我们就能更好地爱他人。
这种爱并不是一种简单的情感,而是一种深深的联结和尊重。
总的来说,《脆弱的力量》是一本让人深思的作品。
它让我重新审视了自己的情感和经历,并教会了我如何勇敢地面对自己的脆弱。
这本书不仅提供了理论知识,还通过真实的案例和故事,让读者更加深入地理解脆弱性的力量。
我相信,在未来的生活中,我会更加勇敢地面对自己的脆弱,并从中汲取力量,不断成长和进步。
最后,我要感谢布琳·布朗为我们带来了这样一本启发人心的作品。
她的观点和建议不仅对于个人成长有着重要的指导意义,也对于社会的进步和发展具有积极的推动作用。
我相信,《脆弱的力量》会成为许多人心灵成长的指南,引导我们走向更加充实和有意义的生活。
ted演讲脆弱的力量ted演讲脆弱的力量ted演讲脆弱的力量I just need some strategies. It just is hat it is. And I said, Oh my God, this is going to suck. And it did, and it didn t.And it took about a year.And you kno ho there are peoplethat, hen they realize that vulnerability and tenderness are important,that they surrender and alk into it.A: that s not me,and B: I don t even hang out ith people like that.And e perfect, most dangerously,our children.Let me tell you hat e think about children.They re hardired for struggle hen they get here.And hen you hold those perfect little babies in your hand,our job is not to say, Look at her, she s perfect.My job is just to keep her perfect --make sure she makes the tennis team by fifth grade and Yale by seventh grade. That s not our job.Our job is to look and say, You kno hat? You re imperfect, and you re ired for struggle,but you are orthy of love and belonging. That s our job.Sho me a generation of kids raised like that,and e ll end the problems I think that e see today.We pretend that hat e dodoesn t have an effect on people.We do that in our personal lives.We do that corporate --hether it s a bailout, an oil spill,a recall --e pretend like hat e re doingdoesn t have a huge impact on other people.I ould say to panies, this is not our first rodeo, people.We just need you to be authentic and realand say, We re sorry.We ll fix it. But there s another ay, and I ll leave you ith this.This is hat I have found:to let ourselves be seen,deeply seen,vulnerably seen;to love ith our hole hearts,even though there s no guarantee --and that s really hard,and I can tell you as a parent, that s excruciatingly difficult --to practice gratitude andjoyin those moments of terror,hen e re ondering, Can I love you this much?Can I believe in this this passionately?Can I be this fierce about this? just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing hat might happen,to say, I m just so grateful,because to feel this vulnerable means I m alive. And the last, hich I think is probably the most important,is to believe that e re enough.Because hen e ork from a place,I believe, that says, I m enough, then e stop screaming and start listening,e re kinder and gentler to the people around us,and e re kinder and gentler to ourselves. ted演讲脆弱的力量我只需要一些策略。
The power of vulnerability---Brene Brown脆弱的力量---布琳布朗So, I'll start with this: a couple years ago, an event planner called me because I was going to do a speaking event. And she called, and she said, "I'm really struggling with how to write about you on the little flier." And I thought, "Well, what's the struggle?" And she said, "Well, I saw you speak, and I'm going to call you a researcher, I think, but I'm afraid if I call you a researcher, no one will come, because they'll think you're boring and irrelevant." (Laughter) And I was like, "Okay." And she said, "But the thing I liked about your talk is you're a storyteller. So I think what I'll do is just call you a storyteller." And of course, the academic, insecure part of me was like, "You're going to call me a what?" And she said, "I'm going to call you a storyteller." And I was like, "Why not magic pixie?" (Laughter) I was like, "Let me think about this for a second." I tried to call deep on my courage. And I thought, you know, I am a storyteller. I'm a qualitative researcher. I collect stories; that's what I do. And maybe stories are just data with a soul. And maybe I'm just a storyteller. And so I said, "You know what? Why don't you just say I'm a researcher-storyteller." And she went, "Haha. There's no such thing." (Laughter) So I'm a researcher-storyteller, and I'm going to talk to you today -- we're talking about expanding perception -- and so I want to talk to you and tell some stories about a piece of my research that fundamentally expanded my perception and really actually changed the way that I live and love and work and parent.那我就这么开始吧:几年前,一个活动策划人打电话给我,因为我当时要做一个演讲。
最著名的英文短篇演讲"The Power of Vulnerability" by Brené Brown is one of the most famous short speeches in English. In this TED Talk, Brown explores the importance of embracing vulnerability and how it can lead to a more fulfilling and connected life.此处翻译答案:《脆弱力量》是布伦·布朗(Brené Brown)最著名的英文短篇演讲之一。
在这个TED演讲中,布朗探讨了接受脆弱性的重要性以及它如何带来更充实和联系紧密的生活。
Here are 10 bilingual sentences related to the speech:1. Vulnerability is often seen as a weakness, but it can actually be a source of strength.(脆弱性通常被视为一种弱点,但实际上可以成为一种力量的源泉。
)2. Brown shares her personal journey with vulnerability and how it has transformed her life.(布朗分享了她个人在脆弱性方面的旅程以及它如何改变她的生活。
)3. The speech emphasizes the importance of embracing vulnerability in order to experience genuine connections with others.(这篇演讲强调了接受脆弱性的重要性,以便与他人建立真正的联系。
)4. Brown's message resonated with audiences around the world, making her speech a viral sensation.(布朗的讯息引起了世界各地观众的共鸣,使她的演讲成为一种病毒般的感动。
怎样说话人们才会听ted观后感英语In today's era of information overload, the ability to communicate effectively and persuade others has become increasingly crucial. TED talks, being a platform that hosts thought-provoking presentations by experts from diverse fields, offer valuable insights into the art of persuasive communication. This article explores the key takeaways from TED talks on the topic of how to speak so that people listen, focusing on the English language perspective.The first and foremost principle is to connect with your audience. As Simon Sinek emphasizes in his TED talk "How Great Leaders Inspire Action," people don't buy what you do; they buy why you do it. It's essential to communicate your message from a perspective that resonates with your listeners' values and beliefs. Use stories and examples to illustrate your points and make them more relatable.Another key aspect is to be authentic and vulnerable. Brene Brown, in her talk "The Power of Vulnerability," talks about the importance of embracing our imperfectionsand insecurities. By being vulnerable, you create a sense of trust and authenticity with your audience, which makes them more likely to engage with your message. Avoid sounding robotic or rehearsed; allow your personality and emotions to shine through.Moreover, use simple and concise language. As Neil Gaiman puts it in his talk "Make Good Art," complex words may impress your peers, but they won't help you reach a wider audience. Stick to language that is easy to understand and avoid jargon or technical language unless necessary. Clear communication helps convey your ideas more effectively.Additionally, speak with passion and conviction. As Sheryl Sandberg notes in her talk "Why We Have Too Few Women Leaders," your tone and body language communicate as much as your words. Speak with enthusiasm and belief in your message, and your audience will be more likely to be persuaded by you.Lastly, be open to feedback and willing to adapt. As Dave Isay emphasizes in his talk "The Way We Listen," true communication is a two-way street. Be willing to listen toyour audience's feedback and adjust your message accordingly. This shows that you value their opinions and are committed to improving your communication skills.In conclusion, persuasive communication is an art that can be honed through practice and reflection. By connecting with your audience, being authentic and vulnerable, using simple language, speaking with passion, and being open to feedback, you can ensure that your message is heard and understood. The insights from TED talks on this topic are invaluable tools for anyone looking to improve their persuasive communication skills.**怎样说话人们才会听:TED观后感**在如今信息爆炸的时代,有效沟通和说服他人的能力变得日益重要。
Brene Brown:The power of vulnerabilitySo, I'll start with this: a couple years ago, an event planner called me because I was going to do a speaking event. And she called, and she said, "I'm really struggling with how to write about you on the little flier." And I thought, "Well, what's the struggle?" And she said, "Well, I saw you speak, and I'm going to call you a researcher, I think, but I'm afraid if I call you a researcher, no one will come, because they'll think you're boring and irrelevant." (Laughter)And I was like, "Okay." And she said, "But the thing I liked about your talk is you're a storyteller. So I think what I'll do is just call you a storyteller." And of course, the academic, insecure part of me was like, "You're going to call me a what?" And she said, "I'm going to call you a storyteller." And I was like, "Why not magic pixie?" (Laughter) I was like, "Let me think about this for a second." I tried to call deep on my courage. And I thought, you know, I am a storyteller. I'm a qualitative researcher. I collect stories; that's what I do. And maybe stories are just data with a soul. And maybe I'm just a storyteller. And so I said, "You know what? Why don't you just say I'm a researcher-storyteller." And she went, "Haha. There's no such thing."(Laughter) So I'm a researcher-storyteller, and I'm going to talk to you today -- we're talking about expanding perception -- and so I want to talk to you and tell some stories about a piece of my research thatfundamentally expanded my perception and really actually changed the way that I live and love and work and parent.And this is where my story starts. When I was a young researcher, doctoral student, my first year I had a research professor who said to us, "Here's the thing, if you cannot measure it, it does not exist." And I thought he was just sweet-talking me. I was like, "Really?" and he was like, "Absolutely." And so you have to understand that I have a bachelor's in social work, a master's in social work, and I was getting my Ph.D. in social work, so my entire academic career was surrounded by people who kind of believed in the "life's messy, love it." And I'm more of the, "life's messy, clean it up, organize it and put it into a bento box." (Laughter) And so to think that I had found my way, to found a career that takes me -- really, one of the big sayings in social work is, "Lean into the discomfort of the work." And I'm like, knock discomfort upside the head and move it over and get all A's. That was my mantra. So I was very excited about this. And so I thought, you know what, this is the career for me, because I am interested in some messy topics. But I want to be able to make them not messy. I want to understand them. I want to hack into these things I know are important and lay the code out for everyone to see.So where I started was with connection. Because, by the time you're a social worker for 10 years, what you realize is that connection is why we're here. It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. This is what it's all about. It doesn't matter whether you talk to peoplewho work in social justice and mental health and abuse and neglect, what we know is that connection, the ability to feel connected, is -- neurobiologically that's how we're wired -- it's why we're here. So I thought, you know what, I'm going to start with connection. Well, you know that situation where you get an evaluation from your boss, and she tells you 37 things you do really awesome, and one thing -- an "opportunity for growth?" (Laughter) And all you can think about is that opportunity for growth, right? Well, apparently this is the way my work went as well, because, when you ask people about love, they tell you about heartbreak. When you ask people about belonging, they'll tell you their most excruciating experiences of being excluded. And when you ask people about connection, the stories they told me were about disconnection.So very quickly -- really about six weeks into this research -- I ran into this unnamed thing that absolutely unraveled connection in a way that I didn't understand or had never seen. And so I pulled back out of the research and thought, I need to figure out what this is. And it turned out to be shame. And shame is really easily understood as the fear ofdisconnection: Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won't be worthy of connection? The things I can tell you about it: it's universal; we all have it. The only people who don't experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection. No one wants to talk about it, and the less you talk about it the more you have it. What underpinned this shame, this "I'm not good enough," -- which we all know that feeling: "I'm not blank enough. I'm not thin enough, rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, promoted enough." The thing that underpinned this was excruciating vulnerability, this idea of, in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen.And you know how I feel about vulnerability. I hate vulnerability. And so I thought, this is my chance to beat it back with my measuring stick. I'm going in, I'm going to figure this stuff out,I'm going to spend a year, I'm going to totally deconstruct shame, I'm going to understand how vulnerability works, and I'm going to outsmart it. So I was ready, and I was really excited.As you know, it's not going to turn out well. (Laughter) You know this. So, I could tell you a lot about shame, but I'd have to borrow everyone else's time. But here's what I can tell you that it boils down to -- and this may be one of the most important things that I've ever learned in the decade of doing this research. My one year turned into six years: thousands of stories,hundreds of longinterviews, focus groups. At one point, people were sending me journal pagesand sending me their stories -- thousands of pieces of data in six years. And I kind of got a handle on it.I kind of understood, this is what shame is, this is how it works. I wrote a book, I published a theory, but something was not okay -- and what it was is that, if I roughly took the people I interviewed and divided them into people who really have a sense of worthiness -- that's what this comes down to, a sense of worthiness -- they have a strong sense of love and belonging --and folks who struggle for it, and folks who are always wondering if they're good enough.There was only one variable that separated the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging and the people who really struggle for it. And that was, the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they're worthy of love and belonging. That's it.They believe they're worthy. And to me, the hard part of the one thing that keeps us out of connection is our fear that we're not worthy of connection, was something that, personally and professionally, I felt like I needed to understand better. So what I did is I took all of the interviews where I saw worthiness, where I saw people living that way, and just looked at those.What do these people have in common? I have a slight office supply addiction, but that's another talk. So I had a manila folder, and I had aSharpie, and I was like, what am I going to call this research? And the first words that came to my mind were whole-hearted. These are whole-hearted people, living from this deep sense of worthiness. So I wrote at the top of the manila folder, and I started looking at the data. In fact, I did it first in a four-day very intensive data analysis, where I went back, pulled these interviews, pulled the stories, pulled the incidents.What's the theme? What's the pattern? My husband left town with the kids because I always go into this Jackson Pollock crazy thing, where I'm just like writing and in my researcher mode.And so here's what I found. What they had in common was a sense of courage. And I want to separate courage and bravery for you for a minute. Courage, the original definition of courage,when it first came into the English language -- it's from the Latin word cor, meaning heart --and the original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. And so these folks had, very simply, the courage to be imperfect. They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others, because, as it turns out, we can't practice compassion with other people if we can't treat ourselves kindly. And the last was they had connection, and -- this was the hard part -- as a result of authenticity, they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were, which you have to absolutely do thatfor connection.The other thing that they had in common was this: They fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful. They didn't talk about vulnerability being comfortable, nor did they really talk about it being excruciating -- as I had heard it earlier in the shame interviewing. They just talked about it being necessary. They talked about the willingness to say, "I love you" first, the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees, the willingness to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after your mammogram. They're willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out.They thought this was fundamental.I personally thought it was betrayal. I could not believe I had pledged allegiance to research, where our job -- you know, the definition of research is to control and predict, to study phenomena, for the explicit reason to control and predict. And now my mission to control and predict had turned up the answer that the way to live is with vulnerability and to stop controlling and predicting. This led to a little breakdown -- (Laughter) -- which actually looked more like this. (Laughter) And it did. I call it a breakdown; my therapist calls it a spiritual awakening. A spiritual awakening sounds better than breakdown, but I assure you it was a breakdown. And I had to put my data away and go find a therapist. Let me tell you something: you know who you are when you call your friends and say, "I think I need to seesomebody.Do you have any recommendations?" Because about five of my friends were like, "Wooo. I wouldn't want to be your therapist." (Laughter) I was like, "What does that mean?" And they're like, "I'm just saying, you know. Don't bring your measuring stick." I was like, "Okay."So I found a therapist. My first meeting with her, Diana -- I brought in my list of the way the whole-hearted live, and I sat down. And she said, "How are you?" And I said, "I'm great. I'm okay." She said, "What's going on?" And this is a therapist who sees therapists, because we have to go to those, because their B.S. meters are good. (Laughter) And so I said, "Here's the thing, I'm struggling." And she said, "What's the struggle?" And I said, "Well, I have a vulnerability issue. And I know that vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it's also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love. And I think I have a problem, and I need some help." And I said, "But here's the thing: no family stuff, no childhood shit." (Laughter) "I just need some strategies." (Laughter) (Applause)Thank you. So she goes like this. (Laughter) And then I said, "It's bad, right?" And she said, "It's neither good nor bad." (Laughter) "It just is what it is." And I said, "Oh my God, this is going to suck."(Laughter)And it did, and it didn't. And it took about a year. And you know how there are people that, when they realize that vulnerability and tenderness are important, that they surrender and walk into it. A: that's not me, and B: I don't even hang out with people like that. (Laughter) For me, it was a yearlong street fight. It was a slugfest. Vulnerability pushed, I pushed back. I lost the fight, but probably won my life back.And so then I went back into the research and spent the next couple of years really trying to understand what they, the whole-hearted, what choices they were making, and what are we doing with vulnerability. Why do we struggle with it so much? Am I alone in struggling with vulnerability? No. So this is what I learned. We numb vulnerability -- when we're waiting for the call. It was funny, I sent something out on Twitter and on Facebook that says, "How would you define vulnerability? What makes you feel vulnerable?" And within an hour and a half, I had 150 responses. Because I wanted to know what's out there. Having to ask my husband for help because I'm sick, and we're newly married; initiating sex with my husband; initiating sex with my wife; being turned down; asking someone out; waiting for the doctor to call back;getting laid off; laying off people -- this is the world we livein. We live in a vulnerable world. And one of the ways we deal with it is we numb vulnerability.And I think there's evidence -- and it's not the only reason this evidence exists, but I think it's a huge cause -- we are the most in-debt, obese, addicted and medicated adult cohort in U.S. history. The problem is -- and I learned this from the research -- that you cannot selectively numb emotion. You can't say, here's the bad stuff. Here's vulnerability, here's grief, here's shame, here's fear, here's disappointment. I don't want to feel these. I'm going to have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. (Laughter) I don't want to feel these. And I know that's knowing laughter. I hack into your lives for a living. God. (Laughter) You can't numb those hard feelings without numbing the other affects, our emotions. You cannot selectively numb. So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness. And then we are miserable, and we are looking for purpose and meaning, and then we feel vulnerable, so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. And it becomes this dangerous cycle.One of the things that I think we need to think about is why and how we numb. And it doesn't just have to be addiction. The other thing we do is we make everything that's uncertain certain. Religion has gone from abelief in faith and mystery to certainty. I'm right, you're wrong. Shut up. That's it. Just certain. The more afraid we are, the more vulnerable we are, the more afraid we are. This is what politics looks like today. There's no discourse anymore. There's no conversation. There's just blame. You know how blame is described in the research? A way to discharge pain and discomfort. We perfect. If there's anyone who wants their life to look like this, it would be me, but it doesn't work. Because what we do is we take fat from our butts and put it in our cheeks. (Laughter) Which just, I hope in 100 years, people will look back and go, "Wow." (Laughter)And we perfect, most dangerously, our children. Let me tell you what we think about children.They're hardwired for struggle when they get here. And when you hold those perfect little babies in your hand, our job is not to say, "Look at her, she's perfect. My job is just to keep her perfect -- make sure she makes the tennis team by fifth grade and Yale by seventh grade."That's not our job. Our job is to look and say, "You know what? You're imperfect, and you're wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging." That's our job. Show me a generation of kids raised like that, and we'll end the problems I think that we see today. We pretend that what we do doesn't have an effect on people. We do that in our personal lives.We do that corporate -- whether it's a bailout, an oilspill, a recall -- we pretend like what we're doing doesn't have a huge impact on other people. I would say to companies, this is not our first rodeo, people. We just need you to be authentic and real and say, "We're sorry. We'll fix it."But there's another way, and I'll leave you with this. This is what I have found: to let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen; to love with our whole hearts, even though there's no guarantee -- and that's really hard, and I can tell you as a parent, that's excruciatingly difficult -- to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, when we're wondering, "Can I love you this much? Can I believe in this this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?" just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, "I'm just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive." And the last, which I think is probably the most important, is to believe that we're enough. Because when we work from a place, I believe, that says, "I'm enough," then we stop screaming and start listening, we're kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves. That's all I have. Thank you.(Applause)。
TED英语演讲:脆弱不是懦弱 与脆弱相⽐,羞耻(shame),是⼀个更加让⼈觉得恐怖的话题。
实际上光谈论这个话题就⾜以勾起⼈的羞耻感。
下⾯是⼩编为⼤家收集关于TED英语演讲:脆弱不是懦弱,欢迎借鉴参考。
TED演讲:脆弱不是懦弱,⽽是衡量勇⽓最准确的标尺 演讲者:Brené Brown 演讲稿 I'm going to tell you a little bit about my TEDxHouston Talk. I woke up the morning after I gave that talk with the worst vulnerability hangover of my life. And I actually didn't leave my house for about three days. The first time I left was to meet a friend for lunch. And when I walked in, she was already at the table. I sat down, and she said, "God, you look like hell." I said, "Thanks. I feel really -- I'm not functioning." And she said, "What's going on?" And I said, "I just told 500 people that I became a researcher to avoid vulnerability. And that when being vulnerable emerged from my data, as absolutely essential to whole-hearted living, I told these 500 people that I had a breakdown. I had a slide that said 'Breakdown.' At what point did I think that was a good idea?" And she said, "I saw your talk live-streamed. It was not really you. It was a little different than what you usually do. But it was great."And I said, "This can't happen. YouTube, they're putting this thing on YouTube. And we're going to be talking about 600, 700 people." And she said, "Well, I think it's too late." And I said, "Let me ask you something." And she said, "Yeah." I said, "Do you remember when we were in college, really wild and kind of dumb?" She said, "Yeah." I said, "Remember when we'd leave a really bad message on our ex-boyfriend's answering machine?Then we'd have to break into his dorm room and then erase the tape?" And she goes, "Uh... no." Of course, the only thing I could say at that point was, "Yeah, me neither. Yeah -- me neither." And I'm thinking to myself, "Brené, what are you doing? Why did you bring this up? Have you lost your mind? Your sisters would be perfect for this." So I looked back up and she said, "Are you really going to try to break in and steal the video before they put it on YouTube?" And I said, "I'm just thinking about it a little bit." She said, "You're like the worst vulnerability role model ever." Then I looked at her and I said something that at the time felt a little dramatic, but ended up being more prophetic than dramatic. "If 500 turns into 1,000 or 2,000, my life is over." I had no contingency plan for four million. And my life did end when that happened. And maybe the hardest part about my life ending is that I learned something hard about myself, and that was that, as much as I would be frustrated about not being able to get my work out to the world, there was a part of me that was working very hard to engineer staying small, staying right under the radar. But I want to talk about what I've learned. There's two things that I've learned in the last year. The first is: vulnerability is not weakness. And that myth is profoundly dangerous.Let me ask you honestly -- and I'll give you this warning, I'm trained as a therapist, so I can out-wait you uncomfortably -- so if you could just raise your hand that would be awesome -- how many of you honestly, when you're thinking about doing or saying something vulnerable think, "God, vulnerability is weakness." How many of you think of vulnerability and weakness synonymously? The majority of people. Now let me ask you this question: This past week at TED, how many of you, when you saw vulnerability up here, thought it was pure courage? Vulnerability is not weakness. I define vulnerability as emotional risk, exposure, uncertainty. It fuels our daily lives. And I've come to the belief -- this is my 12thyear doing this research -- that vulnerability is our most accurate measurement of courage -- to be vulnerable, to let ourselves be seen, to be honest. One of the weird things that's happened is, after the TED explosion, I got a lot of offers to speak all over the country -- everyone from schools and parent meetings to Fortune 500 companies. And so many of the calls went like this, "Dr. Brown, we loved your TED talk.We'd like you to come in and speak. We'd appreciate it if you wouldn't mention vulnerability or shame." What would you like for me to talk about? There's three big answers. This is mostly, to be honest with you, from the business sector:innovation, creativity and change. So let me go on the record and say, vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change. To create is to make something that has never existed before. There's nothing more vulnerable than that. Adaptability to change is all about vulnerability. The second thing, in addition to really finally understanding the relationship between vulnerability and courage, the second thing I learned, is this: We have to talk about shame. And I'm going to be really honest with you. When I became a "vulnerability researcher"and that became the focus because of the TED talk -- and I'm not kidding. I'll give you an example. About three months ago, I was in a sporting goods store buying goggles and shin guards and all the things that parents buy at the sporting goods store. About from a hundred feet away, this is what I hear: "Vulnerability TED! Vulnerability TED!" I'm a fifth-generation Texan. Our family motto is "Lock and load." I am not a natural vulnerability researcher. So I'm like, just keep walking, she's on my six. And then I hear, "Vulnerability TED!" I turn around, I go, "Hi." She's right here and she said, "You're the shame researcher who had the breakdown." At this point, parents are, like, pulling their children close. "Look away." And I'm so worn out at this point in my life, I look at her and I actually say, "It was a fricking spiritual awakening." And she looks back and does this, "I know." And she said, "We watched your TED talk in my book club. Then we read your book and we renamed ourselves 'The Breakdown Babes.'" And she said, "Our tagline is: 'We're falling apart and it feels fantastic.'" You can only imagine what it's like for me in a faculty meeting. So when I became Vulnerability TED, like an action figure -- Like Ninja Barbie, but I'm Vulnerability TED -- I thought, I'm going to leave that shame stuff behind, because I spent six years studying shame before I started writing and talking about vulnerability. And I thought, thank God, because shame is this horrible topic, no one wants to talk about it. It's the best way to shut people down on an airplane."What do you do?" "I study shame." "Oh." And I see you. But in surviving this last year, I was reminded of a cardinal rule -- not a research rule, but a moral imperative from my upbringing --"you've got to dance with the one who brung ya". And I did not learn about vulnerability and courage and creativity and innovation from studying vulnerability. I learned about these things from studying shame. And so I want to walk you in to shame. Jungian analysts call shame the swampland of the soul. And we're going to walk in. And the purpose is not to walk in and construct a home and live there. It is to put on some galoshes -- and walk through and find our way around. Here's why. We heard the most compelling call ever to have a conversation in this country, and I think globally, around race, right? Yes? We heard that. Yes? Cannot have that conversation without shame. Because you cannot talk about race without talking about privilege. And when people start talking about privilege, they get paralyzed by shame. We heard a brilliant simple solution to not killing people in surgery,which is, have a checklist. You can't fix that problem without addressing shame, because when they teach those folks how to suture,they also teach them how to stitch their self-worth to being all-powerful. And all-powerful folks don't need checklists. And I had to write down the name of this TED Fellow so I didn't mess it up here. Myshkin Ingawale,I hope I did right by you. I saw the TED Fellows my first day here. And he got up and he explained how he was driven to create some technology to help test for anemia, because people were dying unnecessarily. And he said, "I saw this need. So you know what I did? I made it." And everybody just burst into applause, and they were like "Yes!" And he said, "And it didn't work. And then I made it 32 more times, and then it worked." You know what the big secret about TED is? I can't wait to tell people this. I guess I'm doing it right now. This is like the failure conference. No, it is. You know why this place is amazing? Because very few people here are afraid to fail. And no one who gets on the stage, so far that I've seen, has not failed. I've failed miserably, many times. I don't think the world understands that, because of shame. There's a great quote that saved me this past year by Theodore Roosevelt. A lot of people refer to it as the "Man in the Arena" quote.And it goes like this: "It is not the critic who counts. It is not the man who sits and points out how the doer of deeds could have done things better and how he falls and stumbles. The credit goes to the man in the arena whose face is marred with dust and blood and sweat. But when he's in the arena, at best, he wins, and at worst, he loses, but when he fails, when he loses, he does so daring greatly." And that's what this conference, to me, is about. Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena. When you walk up to that arena and you put your hand on the door, and you think, "I'm going in and I'm going to try this," shame is the gremlin who says, "Uh, uh.You're not good enough. You never finished that MBA. Your wife left you. I know your dad really wasn't in Luxembourg, he was in Sing Sing. I know those things that happened to you growing up. I know you don't think that you're pretty, smart, talented or powerful enough. I know your dad never paid attention, even when you made CFO." Shame is that thing. And if we can quiet it down and walk in and say, "I'm going to do this," we look up and the critic that we see pointing and laughing, 99 percent of the time is who? Us. Shame drives two big tapes -- "never good enough" -- and, if you can talk it out of that one, "who do you think you are?" The thing to understand about shame is, it's not guilt. Shame is a focus on self, guilt is a focus on behavior. Shame is "I am bad." Guilt is "I did something bad." How many of you, if you did something that was hurtful to me, would be willing to say, "I'm sorry. I made a mistake?" How many of you would be willing to say that? Guilt: I'm sorry. I made a mistake. Shame: I'm sorry. I am a mistake. There's a huge difference between shame and guilt. And here's what you need to know. Shame is highly, highly correlated with addiction, depression, violence, aggression, bullying, suicide, eating disorders. And here's what you even need to know more. Guilt, inversely correlated with those things. The ability to hold something we've done or failed to do up against who we want to be is incredibly adaptive. It's uncomfortable, but it's adaptive. The other thing you need to know about shame is it's absolutely organized by gender. If shame washes over me and washes over Chris, it's going to feel the same. Everyone sitting in here knows the warm wash of shame. We're pretty sure that the only people who don't experience shame are people who have no capacity for connection or empathy. Which means, yes, I have a little shame; no, I'm a sociopath. So I would opt for, yes, you have a little shame. Shame feels the same for men and women, but it's organized by gender. For women, the best example I can give you is Enjoli, the commercial. "I can put the wash on the line, pack the lunches, hand out the kisses and be at work at five to nine. I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan and never let you forget you're a man." For women, shame is, do it all, do it perfectly and never let them see you sweat. I don't know how much perfume that commercial sold, but I guarantee you, it moved a lot of antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds. Shame, for women, is this web of unobtainable, conflicting, competing expectations about who we're supposed to be. And it's a straight-jacket. For men, shame is not a bunch of competing, conflicting expectations. Shame is one, do not be perceived as what? Weak. I did not interview men for the first four years of my study. It wasn't until a manlooked at me after a book signing, and said, "I love what say about shame, I'm curious why you didn't mention men." And I said, "I don't study men." And he said, "That's convenient." And I said, "Why?" And he said, "Because you say to reach out, tell our story, be vulnerable. But you see those books you just signed for my wife and my three daughters?" I said, "Yeah." "They'd rather me die on top of my white horse than watch me fall down. When we reach out and be vulnerable, we get the shit beat out of us. And don't tell me it's from the guys and the coaches and the dads. Because the women in my life are harder on me than anyone else." So I started interviewing men and asking questions. And what I learned is this: You show me a woman who can actually sit with a manin real vulnerability and fear, I'll show you a woman who's done incredible work. You show me a man who can sit with a woman who's just had it, she can't do it all anymore, and his first response is not, "I unloaded the dishwasher!" But he really listens -- because that's all we need -- I'll show you a guy who's done a lot of work. Shame is an epidemic in our culture. And to get out from underneath it -- to find our way back to each other, we have to understand how it affects us and how it affects the way we're parenting, the way we're working, the way we're looking at each other. Very quickly, some research by Mahalik at Boston College. He asked, what do women need to do to conform to female norms? The top answers in this country: nice, thin, modest and use all available resources for appearance. When he asked about men, what do men in this country need to do to conform with male norms, the answers were: always show emotional control, work is first, pursue status and violence. If we're going to find our way back to each other, we have to understand and know empathy, because empathy's the antidote to shame.If you put shame in a Petri dish, it needs three things to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence and judgment. If you put the same amount in a Petri dish and douse it with empathy, it can't survive. The two most powerful words when we're in struggle: me too. And so I'll leave you with this thought. If we're going to find our way back to each other, vulnerability is going to be that path. And I know it's seductive to stand outside the arena, because I think I did it my whole life, and think to myself, I'm going to go in there and kick some ass when I'm bulletproof and when I'm perfect. And that is seductive. But the truth is, that never happens. And even if you got as perfect as you could and as bulletproof as you could possibly muster when you got in there, that's not what we want to see. We want you to go in. We want to be with you and across from you. And we just want, for ourselves and the people we care about and the people we work with, to dare greatly. So thank you all very much. I really appreciate it.。
女性心理学书籍作者在当代社会,女性心理学作为一个独立的学科领域逐渐受到越来越多人的关注。
女性在社会生活中所面临的心理压力、角色定位以及与男性不同的心理特征等问题,都成为了女性心理学研究的重要方向。
而在这个领域当中,一些杰出的女性心理学书籍作者们凭借其独特的视角和深刻的洞察力,为我们揭示了女性心理学的独特魅力。
1. Carol S. DweckCarol S. Dweck是美国心理学家,斯坦福大学心理学教授,也是《心态:新心理学的力量》一书的作者。
在这本书中,Dweck介绍了两种不同的心态:固定心态和成长心态,并解释了这两种心态对个体的影响。
她提出,一个人的成功往往取决于他们对自己的信念和态度,而成长心态可以让人更加积极地对待挑战和失败,从而实现自我提升和成长。
2. Brene BrownBrene Brown是一位知名的研究员、作家和公共演讲家,她的著作《脆弱的力量》和《勇气的力量》等作品在女性心理学领域产生了深远的影响。
通过对勇气、脆弱和恐惧等情绪的探讨,Brown呼吁人们敢于面对自己内心的真实情感,勇敢地展现自己的脆弱和敏感。
她认为,只有通过直面内心的恐惧和痛苦,人们才能找到真正的勇气和力量。
3. Esther PerelEsther Perel是一位知名的心理治疗师和关系专家,她的著作《重获激情》和《爱欲刻度》等作品探讨了性与情感之间的关系。
Perel认为,现代社会中的情感和性爱越来越被商业化和功利化,导致人们失去了真正的情感连接和亲密关系。
她呼吁人们重新审视自己的情感需求和性爱观念,建立健康和平衡的个人关系。
4. Michelle Obama虽然Michelle Obama并非心理学家,但她作为一位影响深远的公众人物,她的自传《成为米歇尔•奥巴马》中描绘了她在成长过程中所面临的挑战和成就,对女性心理学研究也有着重要的借鉴意义。
作为美国第一夫人,Michelle Obama鼓励女性们不断挑战自己、超越困难,追求自我实现和幸福生活。
Brene Brown: The power of vulnerabilitySo, I'll start with this: a couple years ago, an event planner called me because I was going to do a speaking event. And she called, and she said, "I'm really struggling with how to write about you on the little flier." And I thought, "Well, what's the struggle?" And she said, "Well, I saw you speak, and I'm going to call you a researcher, I think, but I'm afraid if I call you a researcher, no one will come, because they'll think you're boring and irrelevant." (Laughter)And I was like, "Okay." And she said, "But the thing I liked about your talk is you're a storyteller. So I think what I'll do is just call you a storyteller." And of course, the academic, insecure part of me was like, "You're going to call me a what?" And she said, "I'm going to call you a storyteller." And I was like, "Why not magic pixie?" (Laughter) I was like, "Let me think about this for a second." I tried to call deep on my courage. And I thought, you know, I am a storyteller. I'm a qualitative researcher. I collect stories; that's what I do. And maybe stories are just data with a soul. And maybe I'm just a storyteller. And so I said, "You know what? Why don't you just say I'm a researcher-storyteller." And she went, "Haha.There's no such thing."(Laughter) So I'm a researcher-storyteller, and I'm going to talk to you today -- we're talking about expanding perception -- and so I want to talk to you and tell some stories about a piece of my research that fundamentally expanded my perception and really actually changed the way that I live and love and work and parent.And this is where my story starts. When I was a young researcher, doctoral student, my first year I had a research professor who said to us, "Here's the thing, if you cannot measure it, it does not exist." And I thought he was just sweet-talking me. I was like, "Really?" and he was like, "Absolutely." And so you have to understand that I have a bachelor's in social work, a master's in social work, and I was getting my Ph.D. in social work, so my entire academic career was surrounded by people who kind of believed in the "life's messy, love it." And I'm more of the, "life's messy, clean it up, organize it and put it into a bento box." (Laughter) And so to think that I had found my way, to found a career that takes me -- really, one of the big sayings in social work is, "Lean into the discomfort of the work." And I'm like, knock discomfort upside the head andmove it over and get all A's. That was my mantra. So I was very excited about this. And so I thought, you know what, this is the career for me, because I am interested in some messy topics. But I want to be able to make them not messy. I want to understand them. I want to hack into these things I know are important and lay the code out for everyone to see.So where I started was with connection. Because, by the time you're a social worker for 10 years, what you realize is that connection is why we're here. It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. This is what it's all about. It doesn't matter whether you talk to peoplewho work in social justice and mental health and abuse and neglect, what we know is that connection, the ability to feel connected, is -- neurobiologically that's how we're wired -- it's why we're here. So I thought, you know what, I'm going to start with connection. Well, you know that situation where you get an evaluation from your boss, and she tells you 37 things you do really awesome, and one thing -- an "opportunity for growth?" (Laughter) And all you can think about is that opportunity for growth, right? Well, apparently this is the way my work went as well, because, when you ask people about love, they tell you about heartbreak. When you ask peopleabout belonging, they'll tell you their most excruciating experiences of being excluded. And when you ask people about connection, the stories they told me were about disconnection.So very quickly -- really about six weeks into this research -- I ran into this unnamed thing that absolutely unraveled connection in a way that I didn't understand or had never seen. And so I pulled back out of the research and thought, I need to figure out what this is. And it turned out to be shame. And shame is really easily understood as the fear of disconnection: Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won't be worthy of connection? The things I can tell you about it: it's universal; we all have it. The only people who don't experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection. No one wants to talk about it, and the less you talk about it the more you have it. What underpinned this shame, this "I'm not good enough," -- which we all know that feeling: "I'm not blank enough. I'm not thin enough, rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, promoted enough." The thing that underpinned this was excruciatingvulnerability, this idea of, in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen. And you know how I feel about vulnerability. I hate vulnerability. And so I thought, this is my chance to beat it back with my measuring stick. I'm going in, I'm going to figure this stuff out,I'm going to spend a year, I'm going to totally deconstruct shame, I'm going to understand how vulnerability works, and I'm going to outsmart it. So I was ready, and I was really excited.As you know, it's not going to turn out well. (Laughter) You know this. So, I could tell you a lot about shame, but I'd have to borrow everyone else's time. But here's what I can tell you that it boils down to -- and this may be one of the most important things that I've ever learned in the decade of doing this research. My one year turned into six years: thousands of stories,hundreds of long interviews, focus groups. At one point, people were sending me journal pagesand sending me their stories -- thousands of pieces of data in six years. And I kind of got a handle on it.I kind of understood, this is what shame is, this is how it works. I wrote a book, I published a theory, but somethingwas not okay -- and what it was is that, if I roughly took the people I interviewed and divided them into people who really have a sense of worthiness -- that's what this comes down to, a sense of worthiness -- they have a strong sense of love and belonging --and folks who struggle for it, and folks who are always wondering if they're good enough.There was only one variable that separated the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging and the people who really struggle for it. And that was, the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they're worthy of love and belonging. That's it.They believe they're worthy. And to me, the hard part of the one thing that keeps us out of connection is our fear that we're not worthy of connection, was something that, personally and professionally, I felt like I needed to understand better. So what I did is I took all of the interviews where I saw worthiness, where I saw people living that way, and just looked at those.What do these people have in common? I have a slight office supply addiction, but that's another talk. So I had a manila folder, and I had a Sharpie, and I was like, what am I going to call this research? And the first words that came to mymind were whole-hearted. These are whole-hearted people, living from this deep sense of worthiness. So I wrote at the top of the manila folder, and I started looking at the data. In fact, I did it first in a four-day very intensive data analysis, where I went back, pulled these interviews, pulled the stories, pulled the incidents.What's the theme? What's the pattern? My husband left town with the kids because I always go into this Jackson Pollock crazy thing, where I'm just like writing and in my researcher mode.And so here's what I found. What they had in common was a sense of courage. And I want to separate courage and bravery for you for a minute. Courage, the original definition of courage,when it first came into the English language -- it's from the Latin word cor, meaning heart --and the original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. And so these folks had, very simply, the courage to be imperfect. They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others, because, as it turns out, we can't practice compassion with other people if we can't treat ourselves kindly. And the last was they had connection, and -- this was the hard part -- as a result of authenticity, they were willing to let go of who they thoughtthey should be in order to be who they were, which you have to absolutely do thatfor connection.The other thing that they had in common was this: They fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful. They didn't talk about vulnerability being comfortable, nor did they really talk about it being excruciating -- as I had heard it earlier in the shame interviewing. They just talked about it being necessary. They talked about the willingness to say, "I love you" first, the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees, the willingness to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after your mammogram. They're willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out.They thought this was fundamental.I personally thought it was betrayal. I could not believe I had pledged allegiance to research, where our job -- you know, the definition of research is to control and predict, to study phenomena, for the explicit reason to control and predict. And now my mission to control and predict had turned up the answer that the way to live is with vulnerability and to stop controlling and predicting. Thisled to a little breakdown -- (Laughter) -- which actually looked more like this. (Laughter) And it did. I call it a breakdown; my therapist calls it a spiritual awakening. A spiritual awakening sounds better than breakdown, but I assure you it was a breakdown. And I had to put my data away and go find a therapist. Let me tell you something: you know who you are when you call your friends and say, "I think I need to see somebody.Do you have any recommendations?" Because about five of my friends were like, "Wooo. I wouldn't want to be your therapist." (Laughter) I was like, "What does that mean?" And they're like, "I'm just saying, you know. Don't bring your measuring stick." I was like, "Okay."So I found a therapist. My first meeting with her, Diana -- I brought in my list of the way the whole-hearted live, and I sat down. And she said, "How are you?" And I said, "I'm great. I'm okay." She said, "What's going on?" And this is a therapist who sees therapists, because we have to go to those, because their B.S. meters are good. (Laughter) And so I said, "Here's the thing, I'm struggling." And she said, "What's the struggle?" And I said, "Well, I have a vulnerability issue. And I know that vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, butit appears that it's also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love. And I think I have a problem, and I need some help." And I said, "But here's the thing: no family stuff, no childhood shit." (Laughter) "I just need some strategies." (Laughter) (Applause)Thank you. So she goes like this. (Laughter) And then I said, "It's bad, right?" And she said, "It's neither good nor bad." (Laughter) "It just is what it is." And I said, "Oh my God, this is going to suck."(Laughter)And it did, and it didn't. And it took about a year. And you know how there are people that, when they realize that vulnerability and tenderness are important, that they surrender and walk into it. A: that's not me, and B: I don't even hang out with people like that. (Laughter) For me, it was a yearlong street fight. It was a slugfest. Vulnerability pushed, I pushed back. I lost the fight, but probably won my life back.And so then I went back into the research and spent the next couple of years really trying to understand what they, the whole-hearted, what choices they were making, and what arewe doing with vulnerability. Why do we struggle with it so much? Am I alone in struggling with vulnerability? No. So this is what I learned. We numb vulnerability -- when we're waiting for the call. It was funny, I sent something out on Twitter and on Facebook that says, "How would you define vulnerability? What makes you feel vulnerable?" And within an hour and a half, I had 150 responses. Because I wanted to know what's out there. Having to ask my husband for help because I'm sick, and we're newly married; initiating sex with my husband; initiating sex with my wife; being turned down; asking someone out; waiting for the doctor to call back;getting laid off; laying off people -- this is the world we live in. We live in a vulnerable world. And one of the ways we deal with it is we numb vulnerability.And I think there's evidence -- and it's not the only reason this evidence exists, but I think it's a huge cause -- we are the most in-debt, obese, addicted and medicated adult cohort in U.S. history. The problem is -- and I learned this from the research -- that you cannot selectively numb emotion. You can't say, here's the bad stuff. Here's vulnerability, here's grief, here's shame, here's fear, here's disappointment. I don't want to feel these. I'm goingto have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. (Laughter) I don't want to feel these. And I know that's knowing laughter. I hack into your lives for a living. God. (Laughter) You can't numb those hard feelings without numbing the other affects, our emotions. You cannot selectively numb. So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness. And then we are miserable, and we are looking for purpose and meaning, and then we feel vulnerable, so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. And it becomes this dangerous cycle.One of the things that I think we need to think about is why and how we numb. And it doesn't just have to be addiction. The other thing we do is we make everything that's uncertain certain. Religion has gone from a belief in faith and mystery to certainty. I'm right, you're wrong. Shut up. That's it. Just certain. The more afraid we are, the more vulnerable we are, the more afraid we are. This is what politics looks like today. There's no discourse anymore. There's no conversation. There's just blame. You know how blame is described in the research? A way to discharge pain and discomfort. We perfect. If there's anyone who wantstheir life to look like this, it would be me, but it doesn't work. Because what we do is we take fat from our butts and put it in our cheeks. (Laughter) Which just, I hope in 100 years, people will look back and go, "Wow."(Laughter)And we perfect, most dangerously, our children. Let me tell you what we think about children.They're hardwired for struggle when they get here. And when you hold those perfect little babies in your hand, our job is not to say, "Look at her, she's perfect. My job is just to keep her perfect -- make sure she makes the tennis team by fifth grade and Yale by seventh grade."That's not our job. Our job is to look and say, "You know what? You're imperfect, and you're wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging." That's our job. Show me a generation of kids raised like that, and we'll end the problems I think that we see today. We pretend that what we do doesn't have an effect on people. We do that in our personal lives.We do that corporate -- whether it's a bailout, an oil spill, a recall -- we pretend like what we're doing doesn't have a huge impact on other people. I would say to companies, this is not our first rodeo, people. We just needyou to be authentic and real and say, "We're sorry. We'll fix it."But there's another way, and I'll leave you with this. This is what I have found: to let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen; to love with our whole hearts, even though there's no guarantee -- and that's really hard, and I can tell you as a parent, that's excruciatingly difficult -- to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, when we're wondering, "Can I love you this much? Can I believe in this this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?" just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, "I'm just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive." And the last, which I think is probably the most important, is to believe that we're enough. Because when we work from a place, I believe, that says, "I'm enough," then we stop screaming and start listening, we're kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves.That's all I have. Thank you.(Applause)。
脆弱的力量Brene Brown
I’m going to talk about expanding perception.Where I started was with connection. Because connection is why we’re here.It’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. This is what it’s all about.It does not matter whether you talk to people who work in social justice and mental health and abuse and neglect, what we know is that connection,the ability to feel connected,is neurobiologically that’s how we’re wired,it’s why we’re here.So I thought,I’m going to start with connection.
Well,when you get an evaluation from your boss, and he tells you thirty-seven things you do really awesome,and one thing --an “opportunity for growth?”And all you can think about is that opportunity for growth, right? When you ask people about love,they tell you about heartbreak.When you ask people about belonging,they’ll tell you their most excruciating[ɪkˈskruʃiˈetɪŋ] experiences of being excluded. And when you ask people about connection,the stories they told you were about disconnection.
What this is?And it turned out to be shame.And shame is really easily understood as the fear of disconnection: Is there somethin g about me that ,if other people know it or see it, that I won’t b e worthy of connection? The thing I can tell you about it: it’s uni
versal;we all have it. The only people who don’t experience shame have no capacity for human empathy[ˈɛmpəθi]or connection. No one wants to talk about it,and the less you talk about it the mor e you have it.What underpinned [ˈʌndəˈpɪnd]this shame ,this “I’m not good enough.”--which we all know that feeling: “I’m not blan k enough.I’m not thin enough,rich enough,beautiful enough,smart e nough,promoted enough.”The thing that underpinned this was excru ciating[ɪkˈskruʃiˈetɪŋ]vulnerability[ˈvʌlnərə'bɪlətɪ]脆弱. This ide a of,in order for connection to happen,we have to allow ourselves to be seen,really seen.
People can be divided into two categories ,who really have a sense of worthiness,that’s what this comes down to,a sense of worthiness. They have a strong sense of love and belonging ,and folks who struggle for it , who are always wondering if they’re good enough. there was only one variable[ˈveəriəbl]that separated the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging and people who really struggle for it. And that was, the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they’re worthy of love and belonging. That’s it . They believe they are worthy. And to me ,the hard part of the one thing that keeps us out of connection is our fear that we are not worthy of connection,
What they had in common was a sense of courage. And I want to separate courage and bravery for you. Courage ,the original
definition of courage was that tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. And so these folks had the courage to be imperfect. They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others,because we can’t practice compassion with other people if we can’t treat ourselves kindly.
How deal with it .We numb vulnerability[ˈvʌlnərə'bɪlətɪ]. But the problem is that you cannot selectively numb emotion. You cannot say ,here’s the bad stuff. Here is vulnerability[ˈvʌlnərə'bɪlətɪ],here is grief ,here is shame,here is fear . I don’t want to feel these. You can’t numb those hard feelings without numbing the other affects,our emotions. You cannot selectively numb. So when we numb those,we numb joy,we numb gratitude ,we numb happiness. And then we are miserable.
To let ourselves to be seen,deeply seen,vulnerably seen.
To love with our whole heart,even there is no guarantee.
To practice gratitude and joy,in those moments of terror when we are wondering:"Can I love you this much?Can I believe in this passionately?Can I be this fierce about this?"Just to be able to stop and,instead of catastrophizing what might happen to say"I'm just so grateful,because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive."
and the last ,which I think is probably the most important ,is To believe we are enough.When we work from a place,I believe that says"I'm enough",then we stop screaming,and start listening,we are
kinder and gentler to people around,we are kinder and gentler to ourselves.
That’s all I have . Thanks .。