Unit 1 Human reflectionsMarriage is an institution in which a man loser his Bachelor’s degree and the woman gets her Master’s 婚姻是这样一所学校，男人会失去单身汉的地位，而女人会获得征服者的地位。
---Socrates, Greek philosopherMen marry because they are tried, woman because they are curious; both are disappointed.男人结婚，因为他们厌倦了；女人结婚，因为她们好奇。
结果两人都大失所望。
---Oscar Wilde, British writerPre-reading Activities1.Fill in the blanks with the words you hearIt takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone ,and a day to love someone. But it takes a lifetime to forget someone. Don’t go for looks; they can deceive.Don’t go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile. Because it only takes a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile.Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meet the right one. So that when we finally meet the right person, we will know hour to be grateful for that gift. It’s true that we don’t know what we’ve got until we lose it, but it’s also true that we don’t know what we’ve been missing until it arrives. Giving someone all your love will not provide assurance that they will love you back. Don’t expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their hearts.But if it doesn’t, be content. It grew in yours.2. Discuss the following questions.1. Do you know of marriages that have failed? If so, what do you think people have suffered from their failed marriages and what were the possible causes? What assumption do people bring into their marriages?2. In contrast to a failed marriage, what do you think can contribute to a happy marriage? What’s your definition of marriage?TextWhy Marriages FailAnne RoipheAnne Roiphe is an American feminist author known for such novels as Up the Sandbox and Lovingkindness. Her work is noteworthy for its examination of the conflict between the desire for family and relationships and that for career and self-determination1 These days so many marriages end in divorce that our most sacred vows no longer ring with truth. “Happily ever after” and “Till death us do part” are expressions that seem on the way to becoming obsolete. Why has it become so hard for couples to stay together? What goes wrong? What has happened to us that close to one half of all marriages are destined for the divorce courts?How could we have created a society in which 42 percent of our children will grow up in single-parent homes? If statistics could only measure loneliness, regret, pain, loss of self-confidence, and fear of the future, the numbers would be beyond quantifying.2. Even though each broken marriage is unique, we can still find common perils, common causes of marital despair. Each marriage has a crisis point, and each marriage tests endurance, the capacity for both intimacy and change. Outside pressures such as job loss, illness, infertility, trouble with a child, care of aging parents, and all the other plagues of life the marriage the way hurricanes blast our shores. Some marriages survive these storms, and others don’t. Marriages fail, however, not simply because of the outside weather but because the inner climate becomes too hot or too cold, too turbulent or too stupefying.3. When we look at how we choose our partners and what expectations exist at the tender beginning of romance, some of the reasons for the disaster become quite clear. We all select with unconscious accuracy a mate who will recreate with us the emotional patterns of our first homes. Dr. Carl A. Whitaker, a marital therapist and emeritus professor of psychiatry at the University of Wisconsin, explains, “From early childhood on, each of us carried models for marriage, femininity, masculinity, motherhood, fatherhood and all the other family roles.’ Each of us falls in love with a mate who has qualities of our parents, who will help us rediscover both the psychological happiness and miseries of our past lives. We may think we have found a man unlike Dad, but then he returns to drink or drugs, or losses his job over and over again, or sits silently in front of the TV just the way Dad did. A man may choose a woman who doesn’t like kids just like his mother, or who gambles away the family savings just like his mother. Or he may choose a slender wife who seems unlike his obese mother but then turns out to have other addictions that destroy their mutual happiness.4. A man and a woman bring to their marriage bed a blended concoction of conscious and unconscious memories of their parents’ lives together. The human way is to compulsively repeat and recreate the patterns of the past. Sigmund Freud so well described the unhappy design that many of us get trapped in: the unmet needs of childhood, the angry feelings left over from frustrations of long ago, the limits of trust, and the reoccurrence of old fears. Once an individual senses this entrapment, there may follow a yearning to escape, and the result could be a broken, splintered marriage.5. Of course people can overcome the habits and attitudes that developed in childhood. We all have hidden strengths and amazing capacities for growth and creative change. Change, however, requires work – observing your part in a rotten pattern, bringing difficulties out into the open – and work runs counter to the basic myth of marriage:’ When I wed this person all my problems will be over. I will have achieved success and I will become the center of life for this other person and this person will be my center, and we will mean everything to each other forever.’ This myth, which every marriage relies on ,is soon exposed. The coming of children, the pulls and the tugs of their demands on affection and time, place a considerable strain on that basic myth of meaning everything to each other, of merging together and solving all of life’s problems.6. Concern and tension about money take each partner away from the other. Obligations to demanding parents or still-depended-upon parents create further strain. Couples today must also deal with all the cultural changes brought on in recent years by the woman’s movement and thesexual revolution. The altering of roles and the shifting of responsibilities have been extremely trying for many marriages.7. These and other realities of life erode the visions of marital bliss the way sandstorms eat at rock and the ocean nibbles away at the dunes. Those euphoric, grand feelings that accompany romantic love are really self-delusions, self-hypnotic dreams that enable us to forge a relationship. Real life, failure at work, disappointments, exhaustion, bad smells, bad colds and hard times all puncture the dream and leave us stranded with our mate, with our childhood patterns pushing us this way and that, and with our unfulfilled expectations.8. The struggle to survive in marriage requires adaptability, flexibility, genuine love and kindness, and an imagination strong enough to feel what the other is feeling. Many marriages fall apart because either partner cannot imagine what the other wants or cannot communicate what he of she needs or feels. Anger builds until it erupts into a volcanic burst that buries the marriage in ash.9. If we sense from our mate a need for too much intimacy, we tend to push him of her away, fearing that we may lose our identities in the merging of marriage. One partner may suffocate the other partner in a childlike dependency. A good marriage means growing so a couple but also growing as individuals. This isn’t easy. Richard gives up his interest in carpentry because his wife, Helen, is jealous of the time he spends away from her. Karen quits the choir group because her husband dislikes the friends she makes there. Each pair clings to each other and is angry with each other as life closes in on them. This kind of marital balance is easily thrown as one or the other pulls away and divorce follows.10. Marriage takes some kind of sacrifice, not dreadful self-sacrifice of the soul, but some level of compromise. Some of one’s fantasies, some of one’s legitimate desires have to be given up for the value of the marriage itself. “While all marital partners feel shackled at times, it is they who really choose to make the marital ties into confining chains or supporting bonds,” says Dr. Whitaker. Marriage requires sexual, financial, and emotional discipline. A man and a woman cannot follow every impulse, cannot allow themselves to stop growing and changing.11. Divorce is not an evil act .Sometimes it provides salvation for people who have grown hopelessly apart or were frozen in patterns of pain or mutual unhappiness. Divorce can be, despite its initial devastation, like the first cut of the surgeon’s knife, a step toward new health and a good life. On the other hand, if the partners can stay past the breaking-up of the romantic myths into the development of real love and intimacy, they have achieved a work as amazing as the greatest cathedrals of the world. Marriages that do not fail but improve, that persist despite imperfections, are not only rare these days but offer a wondrous shelter in which the face of our mutual humanity can safely show itself.Notes1.Dr. Carl A. Whitaker(1912-1995): A pioneer therapist and emeritus professor of psychiatry atthe University of Wisconsin.2.University of Wisconsin: A famous university in the state of Wisconsin, founded in 1848. It ISone of the most excellent public universities in America and is recognized as a national leader in teaching and research excellence.3.Sigmund Freud(1856-1939): An Austrian psychiatrist who founded the psychoanalytic schoolof psychology. Freud is best known for his theories of the unconscious mind and the defense mechanism of repression and for creating the clinical practice of psychoanalysis for curing psychopathology through dialogue between a patient and a psychoanalyst. The Interpretation of Dream is one of his best-known works.New Wordsobsolete :no longer used; out of date 过时的；废弃的peril: serious danger (esp. of death)严重危险（尤指死亡的）infertility: the state of being unable to produce offspring; barrenness不孕症；贫瘠marital: of a husband of wife; of marriage婚姻的turbulent: in a state of commotion of unrest; disturbed不安宁的，动荡的stupefying: dull or senseless神志不清的；失去知觉的；麻木不仁的therapist: specialist in a particular type of therapy (某疗法的)治疗专家emeritus: (of a university teacher, esp. a professor)retired, but keeping his title as an honor (指大学教师，尤指教授)退休而保留头衔的，荣誉的femininity: properties characteristic of the female sex女性气质masculinity: properties characteristic of the male sex男性气质obese: (of people) very fat（指人）过度肥胖的concoction: a combination of various ingredients混合reoccurrence: rehappening（事情的）再次发生entrapment: being caught in a trap陷入圈套；诱捕yearning: strong desire; tender loving渴望、热望splintered: breaking into piece 裂成碎片的merge: come together and combine合并erode: destroy or wear(sth.)away gradually侵蚀，腐蚀nibble: take tiny bites of sth. 小口咬某物；轻咬dune: mound of loose dry sand formed by the wind沙丘euphoric: happy and excited愉快的，兴奋的self-delusion: the act of deceiving oneself, or the state of being so deceived 自欺self-hypnotic: of or producing a state that resembles sleep but that is induced by suggestion or a similar condition to oneself自我催眠的strand: leave in difficulties陷入困境unfulfilled: not completed or achieved; dissatisfied未实现的；未得到满足的erupt: break out suddenly and violently突然发生volcanic: (似)火山的；来自火山的shackle: prevent sb. From acting or speaking freely束缚（某人）salvation: saving of a person’s soul from sin and its consequences; the state of being saved in this way拯救、超度devastation: the state of being destroyed毁灭imperfection: a fault of defect不完美wondrous: wonderful令人惊奇的；意想不到的；极好的Useful Expressionsbe destined for: have a future which has been decided or planned beforehand命中注定，注定；预定gamble away: lose sth. By gambling赌博输掉counter to：in the opposite direction to sth.in opposition to sth.与某事物的方向相反；相反地bring on: cause sth.(usu. Unpleasant)to happen to oneself/sb.else使（通常为不愉快的）某事发生在自己（别人）身上fall apart: break; fall to pieces; disintegrate破裂，破碎；散开be jealous of: be envious of嫉妒的；羡慕的cling to: hold on tightly to sb/sth 紧抓住或抱住close in on: surround or envelop sb/sth 围绕或笼罩ExercisesI Post-reading ActivitiesText comprehensionRead the text and answer the following questions1.How do you understand the two expressions” Happily ever after” and ”Till death us do part”in paragraph 1?2.What do broken marriages have in common?3.In this text, Dr. Whitaker says,” From early childhood on, each of us carried models formarriage, femininity, masculinity, motherhood, fatherhood and all the other family roles”.How do you understand his words?4.According to Sigmund Freud, what leads to a broken, splintered marriage?5.What is the myth on which every marriage relies according to this text?6.What re listed sa the trying causes of broken marriages?7.What does the author mean by saying “The struggle to survive in marriage requires animagination strong enough to feel what the other is feeling” in paragraph 8?8.What do you learn from the stories of Richard and Karen in paragraph 9?9.According to paragraph 10, what is necessary for marriage for marriage success?10.What is the author’s attitude towards divorce according to the last paragraph?Point for discussion:Break into small groups and discuss the following questions .Then report your group’s answers to the class.1.The topic sentence of paragraph 3---“We all select with unconscious accuracy a mate who willrecreate with us the emotional patterns of our first homes”---is repeated\in paragraph 4---“The human way is to compulsively repeat and recreate the patterns of the past.’ Do you view this assertion as a reality in people’s lives? What does Roiphe mean by “unconscious accuracy”2.Have you ever heard the word “sub-marriage”? The term refers to couples who have lost theirpassion and interest in communicating with each other due to various reasons but still maintain their marriage status. On the other hand, many college students cohabit nowadays.They live together in s sexual relationship although not legally married. How do you view these phenomena?II. Language focusV ocabularyPart A. Fill in the blanks with the words or phrases given below. Change the form where necessary.Wondrous peril emeritus yearning erode nibble strand erupt shackle salvation devastation imperfection1.During the Gulf War, the Chinese Embassy helped Taiwanese labour service personnelstranded in Kuwait pull out of dangerous place safely.2.G. Wilson Knight, emeritus Professor at the University of Leeds, has had a long and prolificcareer as a critic3.While conventional wisdom holds that conflicts in a relationship slowly erode the bonds thathold partners together, couples who are happy in the long term turn out to have plently of conflicts, too.4.She let her joyous eyes rest upon him without speaking, as upon some wondrous thing she hadcreated out of chaos.5.She drew him towards her with all her might, seeking to know him in the depths of his heart,with a(n) yearning to lose herself in him.6.Many Americans have misunderstandings about China, believing it’s a closed country and thatthe people’s thinking is shackledernment loans have been the salvation of several shaky business companies.8.Her teeth having all dropped out, Granny Li could only nibble away at her food.9.If you aim at imperfection , there are some chances of your getting it; whereas if you aim atperfection, there is none.10.Some of his peers were convinced that the early stages of the illness manifested themselves ingraduate school, but the full-blown symptoms did not erupt until he was 30.Part BChoose the word or phrase that is in closet in meaning to the italicized part of each sentence1.It is becoming increasingly clear that as many as 80 percent of people who are obese arepredisposed genetically.A.ThinB. fatC. crazyD. lazy2.The IT industry is developing so fast that an advanced computer program today may beobsolete next week.A.DesiredB. qualifiedC. outdatedD. frightened3.In such dry weather, if a forest fire cannot be extinguished devastation is sure to ensue.A.DestructionB. salvationC. associationD. communication4.I should like to put forward a proposal; merge the two firms into a big one.A.InterrelateB. associateC. defineD. combine5.Utilization of the land which leaves it in an infertile condition is considered pollution.A.SterileB. richC. productiveD. destructive6.Don’t cling to you old ideas. Be ready to entertain some new ones, otherwise you will alwayslag behind others.A.Put forward toB. hold onC. run toD. put up with7.In modern society, the world’s transport systems would fall apart without a supply ofelectricity.e upB. step upC. split upD. warm uping from a theatrical family, I was destined for a career on the stage--- I was expected tobe an actor.A.Fated to beB. up to beC. made up forD. derived from9.We don’t think he is a dependable person because he acted counter to his promise.A.Similar toB. according toC. up toD. contrary to10.In order to finish the task in time, he wat out in the rain all day and this brought on a bad cold.A.Resulted fromB. resulted inC. brought upD. gave upClozeRead the following passage carefully and choose the best word of phrase given bellow to fill in the each blank. Change the form where necessary.Tend strand tough bored conduct fulfilling affiliate reveal pressure condition rangingA recent survey of woman in 20 large and medium ized cities across the country revealed that about half of the respondents were happy with their marriages and relationships, while nearly 30 percent said they were (1)and 3.4percent they were in agony. 3percent said they were worried about their relationships and 12percent said they did not know how to describe their mixed feelings. The Huakun Woman Survey Center, a(n) (2)of the All-China Women’s Federation, (3)the survey of 2,000 women aged between 20 and 40 at the end of last year, Altogether 1,955 (4)questionnaires were collected. The average age of the surveyed woman was 35, and 70percent were married. About 57percent of the respondents had monthly incomes (5)from 1,000yuan to 3,000yuan. Woman in Shanghai seemed to have the most (6)love lives, with more than 70 percent saying they felt happy. They were followed by woman in Beijing, Qingdao, Ningbo and Tianjin in terms of fulfillment. The survey also (7)that marriages (8) to get less happy the longer they lasted . (9)from work, problems with their children’s education and (10) personal relationships were the main causes of tension, according to the results of the survey.TranslationPart A Translate the following into English.1.对一些人来说，婚姻是爱情的坟墓；而对另一些人来说，婚姻是拯救那些过着孤独单调生活的人的好办法。
