英语搞笑笑话12篇

英语搞笑笑话12篇

下面是店铺整理的英语搞笑笑话，欢迎大家阅读!

英语搞笑笑话：两颗番茄

he first tomato has no answer, the second tomato asked

again. The tomato has no answer, so the second tomato asked

again. The first tomato finally turned slowly, said: "we are not

tomatoes? We can talk?"

两颗番茄去逛街，第一颗番茄突然走得很快，第二颗番茄就问：“我们要去哪里?” 第一颗番茄没有回答，第二颗番茄又问了一次。

第一颗番茄还没回答，所以第二颗番茄又问了一次。 第一颗番茄终于慢慢转头说：“我们不是番茄吗?我们会说话吗?”

英语搞笑笑话：相同的职责

The Same DutiesA retired four-star general ran into his

former orderly, also retired, in a Manhattan bar and spent the rest

of the evening persuading him to come work for him as his valet.

"Your duties will be exactly the same as they were in the army,"

the general said. "Nothing to it-you'll catch on again fast." Next

morning promptly at eight o'clock, the ex-orderly entered the ex-general's bedroom, pulled open the drapes, gave the general a

gentle shake, strode around the other side of the bed, spanked

his employer's wife on her bottom and said, "OK, sweetheart, it's

back to the village for you."

相同的职责一个退休的四星级将军在曼哈顿的一个酒吧偶然地遇到了他以前的勤务兵，勤务兵也退休在家。这位将军花了一整个晚上的时间来说服他回来做他的贴身随从。“你的职责与在军队时完全一样，”将军说，“这没什么，你很快就会再次理解它的。” 第二天早晨八点钟时，前勤务兵迅速地进到前将军的卧室，拉开窗帘，轻轻地摇了摇将军，然后大步走到床的另一侧，在他雇主的妻子屁股上拍了一下，说道：“好了，甜心，你该回到村庄去了。” 英语搞笑笑话：你爷爷

A well dressed young man demanded as soon as he entered

the restaurant:"Serve me, quick! Give me your best. I don't care

the price."Not like the way he talked, the waiter said to him: "Hey

Buddy, it doesn't matter you have a lot of money. You are still son

of somebody, and grandson of somebody else."The young man

raged: "Dare you! Tell me, who wants me to be his grandson?"The

waiter replied with ease: "Nobody. Just your grandfather."

一位衣冠楚楚的年青人一进饭店就大声嚷嚷：“喂，有什么好菜尽管端上来，钱多少我不在乎。”服务员听了很不是滋味：“哥儿们，钱多顶个屁，你不照样得做别人的儿子，就是有人要你做孙子你也不敢不做!”年青人勃然大怒：“谁敢占老子的便宜?你说，是谁不要命了，胆敢要老子做他的孙子?”服务员慢条斯理地答道：“你爷爷!”

英语搞笑笑话：她要买什么

A store manager heard a clerk tell a customer. No, ma’am,

we haven't had any for a while, and it doesn't look as if we'll be

getting soon.Horrified, the manager came runningover to the

customer and said, Of course, we'll have somesoon, We placed

an order last week. Then the manager drew the clerk aside: Never,

never, never say we are out of anything say we've got it on order

and it's coming.Now what was it she wanted? Rain, said the clerk.

一个商店经理听见一个店员对顾客说：不，夫人，这会儿没有，一时半会儿看来也不会有。经理惊恐万分地跑到顾客跟前说：当然，马上就会有的。我们上周订了货。然后经理把店员拉到一边：千万，千万，千万不要说我们没有什么，说我们已经订了货，货马上就到。现在你说她要买什么? 雨，店员说。

英语搞笑笑话：现在几点了

The two boys were camping in the backyard. When they

couldn't figure out what time it was, the first boy said to the

second, "Start singing very loud." "How will that help?" said the second boy.

"Just do it," insisted the first.

Both boys broke into song, singing at the top of their lungs.

Moments later, a neighbor threw open her window and shouted,

"Keep it down! Don't you know it's three o'clock in the morning?"

两个男孩子在后院露营，他们不知道到了晚上几点钟。于是，一个男孩对另外一个说：“我们开始大声唱歌就行了。”

“那就会知道时间吗?”第二个男孩问。

“只管唱吧。”第一个坚持道。

两个孩子开始大声唱歌，过了一会儿，一个邻居打开窗户喊道：“小声点!你们不知道现在是凌晨三点吗?”

英语搞笑笑话：是我把他晾干

Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One

day while they were walking by the hospital swimming pool, Jim

suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom. Mary

promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and

pulled Jim out.

When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic

act he immediately reviewed her file and called her into his office.

"Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is

you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in

and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your

senses. The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself

with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom，he's dead."

Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I hung him up to dry."

Jim和Mary都是精神病院里的病人。一天，他们沿着医院的游泳池散步，Jim突然跳入泳池的深水区，他沉到了底部。Mary立刻跳下去救他，她潜到水底，把Jim拉了上来。

当院长听闻了Mary的英勇行为后，他立刻翻看了她的病历档案,把她叫进了自己的办公室. “Mary，我有一个好消息和一个坏消息要告诉你。好消息是你能跳入水中救其他病人，这说明你的意识已经恢复了，你可以出院了。坏消息就是，Jim，你救的那个病人，他还是用自己的浴袍带子在浴室上吊自杀了。”

Mary说：“他没有自杀，是我把他吊起来好让他晾干。”

英语搞笑笑话：停止打你老婆

This story is told of a browbeating counsel，who habitually

endeavored to terrorize his opponent's witnesses.

One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy

explanations.

“I want‘yes’or‘no，’”thundered counsel.“There is

no need for you to argue the point!”

“But there are some questions which cannot be answered

by‘yes’or‘no，’”mildly responded the witness.

“There are not!” snapped the lawyer.

“Oh，” said the witness，“answer this then：Have you

ceased beating your wife?”

这个故事讲的是一个咄咄逼人的辩护律师，他惯于尽量去恐吓对方的证人。

有一个证人有点倾向于在回答问题之前做冗长的解释。

“我要你回答‘是’或者‘不是’，”辩护律师怒喝道： “你没有必要就这个问题进行争论。”

“可是有些问题无法用‘是’或者‘不是’来回答。”这位证人温和地回敬他。