英语短文笑话全集

英语短文笑话1,Two birlsTeacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.Teacher: Please tell us.Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.两只鸟老师：这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。

谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

老师：请说说看。

学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

2. The Fish Net"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?""A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.鱼网"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 老师发问道。

"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。

" 小女孩回答道。

3. The New TeacherGeorge comes from school on the first of September."George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother."I didn\'t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."新老师9月1日，乔治放学回到家里。

"乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。

"妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。

"4. A physics ExaminationOnce in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?Nick\'s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.一次物理考试在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。

这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。

A carpenter was giving evidence about an accident he had witnessed. The judge asked him how far away he was from the accident.The carpenter replied "twenty seven feet, six and one half inches"."What? How come you are so sure of that distance?", asked the judge."Well, I knew some idiot would ask me. So I measured it!" replied the carpenter.距事故的距离一个木匠为一个目击的事故做证词.法官问他与事故发生地方的距离有多远.这个木匠回答道:"27英尺6.5英寸远.""什么?你怎么对这个距离如此肯定?"这个法官问道."噢,我知道有些白痴会问我,所以我测量了一下."这个木匠回答道.称重An irritated woman burst into the baker's shop and said:"I sent my son in for 2 pounds of cookies this morning, but when I weighed them there was only one pound. I suggest that you check your scales."The baker looked at her calmly for a moment or two and then replied:"Ma'am, I suggest youweigh your son."一个女人怒气冲冲的闯进面包店，说：“今早上我让我儿子买了2磅的饼干，但是当我称它们的时候却只有一磅了。

我觉得你的称有问题”。

面包师镇定的看了看女人，说：“女士，我觉得您该回去称一称您的儿子”Trouble you againA robust-lookinggentleman ate a fine meal at an expensive restaurant and topped it off with some Napoleon brandy, then he summoned the headwaiter. "Do you recall," he asked pleasantly, "how a year ago, I ate just such a repast here and then, because I couldn't pay for it, you had me thrown into the gutter like a common bum?""I'm very sorry sir." began the contrite headwaiter."Oh, it's quite all right." said the guest, "but I'm afraid I'll have to trouble you again..."再次麻烦你地。

然后他叫来服务生领班，“你还记得吗？”他愉快的说道，“大概一年以前，我在这里像这样就餐，然后因为我付不起帐，你把我想乞丐一样扔进排水沟里”“非常抱歉先生”后悔的服务生领班说道。

“噢，那非常不错”这个客人道，“但是我恐怕还得再麻烦你一次。

”词汇：1、gutter n.排水沟，臭水沟；2、bum n. 二流子，乞丐；3、headwaiter n.领班丈夫和妻子Wife: You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other. Husband: You tell a woman something. It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth. 妻子：你给男人说点事，他左耳朵进，右耳朵出。

(转身就给忘了)丈夫：你给女人说点事，她两个耳朵都听进去了，可是从嘴里出来了。

你吹牛吧！The little John taught his parrot to speak "follow me to say that I can walk.""I can walk." said the parrot following."I can speak.""I can speak." The parrot simulated as almost the same as he did."I can fly.""You talk big." The parrot said without thinking for a while.You talk big小约翰教他的鹦鹉说话“跟我说，我会走路.""我会走路”鹦鹉跟着说。

“我会说话。

”“我会说话。

”鹦鹉模仿的和他说的几乎一模一样。

“我会飞。

”“你吹牛吧。

”鹦鹉不假思索地说。

相关词汇解析：1.parrot n.鹦鹉；2.simulate vt.模仿Five years experience and imaginationSeveral weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director's office."What is the meaning of this?" the director asked. "When you applied for the job, you told us you had five years' experience. Now we discover this is the first job you ever held.""Well," the young man said, "in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with5年经验和丰富想像力只上了几周班的年轻人被叫到了人事主管的办公室。

“这是什么意思？”主管问到“你应聘这从份工作的时候，你告诉我们，你有五年的经验。

现在我们确发现，这是你的第一份工作。

”“是的”。

年轻人说，“你在应聘广告中说到，你想要的是一个有想像力的员工呀！”Proposal An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman in her twenties and is contemplating a proposal."Do you think she'd marry me if I tell her I'm 45?" he asked a friend."Your chances are better," said the friend, "if you tell her you're 90."求婚一位非常富有的男人在他65岁的爱上了一位20岁的年轻女孩，他打算向她求婚。