英语幽默故事
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英语幽默经典故事（一）An old man lived alone in northern ireland. His only son was in prison. The old man wanted to plant some potatoes in his garden but he didn't know anyone who would help him plow up the garden.He wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, "for heavens sake, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the guns!"At 4 am the next morning, a dozen british soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns.Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next.His son's reply was: "just plant your potatoes."词汇：alonenorthernIrelandprisongardenplowreceivereplyheavenssakedigburygundozenBritishsoldierentireconfusedHappen短语：译文：一个老人独居在北爱尔兰，他的独生子正在坐牢。
老人想在花园里种些土豆，但不知道谁可以帮忙把泥土翻松。
他写信想儿子提及此事，儿子回信说道：“看在上帝的面上，千万不要翻松花园的泥土，我把枪埋在那儿了。
”第二天凌晨4点，一队英国士兵出现在老人家中，在花园把土地翻遍，但并没有找到任何枪支。
”老人写信告诉儿子这件奇怪的事情，问到底发生了什么事情，下一步应该怎么做。
儿子回信道：“你只管种土豆好了。
”（二）One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, "mom, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do."The mother exclaimed, "but that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didn't do?"The little girl replied, "my homework."译文：一天，小女孩从学校回到家里，对妈妈说：“妈妈，今天在学校里我因为一件我没有做的事情而受到惩罚。
”妈妈激动地说：“那真是太可怕了！我要跟你的老师好好谈一谈，对了，你没有做过的那件事是什么？”小女孩回答说：“我的家庭作业。
”（三）Where Am I 我在哪儿An Englishman lost his way while he was driving in the countryside. He saw a farmer working in the field nearby, so he went nearer in his car and asked the farmer, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" "Yes, " the farmer looked at him strangely and said, "you are in your car, sir."译文：一个英国人在乡下开车时迷了路，他看见一个农民正在附近的地里干活。
于是他就把车开过去问那位农民：“劳驾，您能告诉我我现在这是在哪儿吗?”“可以。
”农夫奇怪地看了看他，然后说道：“你现在在你的车子里，先生。
”（四）New DiscoveryA farmer was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young model stepped off the elevator.Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, "I should have brought my wife!"译文：新发现一个农民第一次到大城市游逛。
他走进一座大楼，看见一个岁数很大的矮胖女人迈进一个小房间。
房间的门随后关上，有几个灯在闪亮。
一会儿，门开了，电梯里走出一位年轻漂亮的女模特。
这个农民惊奇地眨着眼睛，慢吞吞地说：“我应该把我的老婆带来!”（五）A MistakeAn Amercian, a Scot and a Canadian were killed in a car accident. They arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered St. Peterexplained that there had been a mistake. "Give me $500 each," he said, "and I'll return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened.""Done!" said the American. Instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near thescene."Where are the others?" asked a medic."Last I knew," said the American, "the Scot was huggling price, and the Canadian was arguing that his government should pay."译文：搞错了一位美国人，一位英格兰人和一位加拿大人在一场车祸中丧生。
他们到达天堂的门口。
在那里，醉醺醺的圣彼德解释说是搞错了。
“每人给我五百美元，”他说，“我将把你们送回人间，就象什么都没有发生过一样。
”“成交!”美国人说。
立刻，他发现自己毫不损伤地站在现场附近。
“其他人在哪儿？”一名医生问道。
“我离开之前，”那名美国人说，“我看见英格兰人正在砍价，而那名加拿大人正在分辩说应该由他的政府来出这笔钱。
”（六）A Soldier's Brilliant IdeaMr. Robinson had to travel somewhere on business, and as he was in a hurry, he decided to go by air. He liked sitting beside a window when he was flying, so when he got on to the plane, he looked for a window seat. He found all of them had already had been taken except for one. There was a soldier sitting in the seat beside this one, and Mr. Robinson was surprised that he had not taken the one by the window; but, anyhow, he at once went towards it.When he reached it, however, he saw that there was a notice on it. It was written in ink and said, "This seat is preserved for proper load balance, thank you." Mr Robinson had never seen such an unusual notice in a plane before, but he thought that the plane must be carrying something particularly heavy in it, so he walked on and found another empty seat, not beside a window, to sit in.Two or three people tried to sit in the window seat beside the soldier, but they too read the notice and went on, when the plane was nearly full, a very beautiful girl hurried into the plane. The soldier, who was watching the passengers coming in, quickly took the notice off the seat beside himself and in this way succeededin having the company of the girl during the whole trip.译文：士兵的高招由于生意方面的事，罗宾逊先生得出趟门。
