按步骤办事--双语幽默笑话

英语爆笑小笑话带翻译超搞笑英语爆笑小笑话：Goethe's ToleranceGoethe was once strolling on a narrow path in a park in Weimar. As luck would have it, he met with a critic who was hostile to him. Both of them stopped, staring at each other. Then the critic said, I'll never make way for a fool. But I will, with that Goethe retreated aside.一次，歌德正在魏玛一个公园的一条狭窄小道上散步，碰巧他遇见一个对他怀有敌意的评论家。

两人都停了下来，彼此相互对视。

接着评论家说道：我从来不给傻瓜让路。

可我给，说完歌德退到了一边。

英语爆笑小笑话：Good SightLawyer: You say you were about thirty-five feet away from the scene of the accident? Just how far can you see clearly?Witness: Well, when I wake up in the morning I see the sun, and they tell me it's about ninety-three million miles away.律师：你说你离事故现场约有35英尺，你能看清多远的东西?证人：这么说吧，早上起床后我看见太阳，别人告诉我这大约有9300万英里远。

英语爆笑小笑话：拿破仑病了Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university. However, his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year."He's a good boy," said Jack's father, "and if you let him pass this time, I'm sure he'll improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well.""No, no, that's quite impossible," replied the professor immediately. "Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon had died, he didn't know!""Please, sir, give him another chance," said Jack's father. "You see, I'm afraid we don't take any newspaper in our house, so none of us even know that Napoleon was ill."杰克到一所大学去学历史。

中英文小笑话带翻译爆笑中英文小笑话带翻译爆笑笑话作为一种城市化的民间口头创作体裁,是一种重要的交际手段。

店铺整理了爆笑中英文小笑话带翻译，欢迎阅读!爆笑中英文小笑话带翻译篇一服从命令My husband's first coaching experience was with a junior-high一school basketball team.During a game，he sent in one of the youngest boys and gave him strict instructions. "You go after number twenty-one，Tony.”He said，"And follow him wherever he goes. Don't let him get away from you!”我丈夫第一次当教练是教一个初中的篮球队。

在一次比赛中，他让一个年纪最小的男孩上场并向他做了最严格的指令。

“托尼，你紧跟着21号。

”他说，“无论他走到哪里都盯着他不放。

别让他甩了你。

”A few minutes later my husband saw only four of his players on the court. There was Tony guarding 21，who had been lifted from the game and was sitting on the bench.几分钟后，我丈夫发现场上只有他的四个队员了。

托尼正站在被换下的坐在板凳上的21号队员旁边。

爆笑中英文小笑话带翻译篇二顾全面子Once there was a scholar who was very poor，but was very much concerned with his reputation. One evening，a thief broke into the scholar’s house，but he could find nothing worth stealing. So he said，"What bad lucky Ihave hit upon a real beggars”H earing this，the scholar fished out little money he had from his bed head，and went after the thief. He stopped the thief and whispered to him，"You come at a most inopportunetime. Would you please make do with this little money2 But for Heaven’s sake don’t talk about it in front of anyone else.By all means leave me a little face，eh?”从前有个读书人家里很穷，却很爱面子。

英文笑话带翻译爆笑_50个英语笑话爆笑超短爆笑英文笑话带翻译篇一笨小孩A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer ..., “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.一个小男孩走进一家理发店，理发师低声对他的顾客说，“我再也没见过比这个小子更笨的小孩了，你看着，我证明给你看。

”" The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks,"Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.理发师拿出一张1美元的钞票放在一只手上，另一只手上则拿着两个25美分的硬币，把小孩叫跟前问，“你想要哪只手上的?” 男孩拿走了那两个25美分然后走了。

"What did I tell you?" said the barber."That kid never learns!" Later,“瞧我刚才怎么跟你说的?”when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.理发师说，“那小子就不会学精点!” 过了一会，顾客离开了理发店，他发现刚才那个小男孩从一间雪糕店走出来。

"Hey, son! May I ask you a question?“嘿，小家伙! 我可以问你个问题吗?Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"你为什么不拿那一美元，而拿那两个25 美分呢?”The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!小男孩舔了一口手上的雪糕回答说，“我要是拿了那一美元的钞票，以后那剪头的再也不会给我钱了!”爆笑英文笑话带翻译篇二五百遍In the traffic court of a large mid-western city,在中西部一个大城市的交通法庭里，a young lady was brought before the judge to answer a ticket given her for driving through ared light.一位年轻女士被带到法官面前，她由于开车闯红灯被开了罚单。

幽默搞笑英语短笑话附翻译笑话在人们的日常生活中起着重要放松方式，下面学习啦小编为大家带来幽默搞笑英语短笑话附翻译，欢迎大家阅读!幽默搞笑英语短笑话1:W o r k i n g a t a c o l l e g e w i t h a p r e p o n d e r a n c e o f n o n 一E n g l i s h一s p e a k i n g s t u d e n t s，m y s i s t e r s o m e t i m e s h a d d i f f i c u l t y i n c o m m u n i c a t i n g w i t h t h e n e w l ya r r i v e d.O n c e a s s h e w a s e n r o l l i n g a y o u n g m a n，s h e r e a c h e d a s t a n d s t i l l a t t h e q u e s t i o n o fb i r t h d a t e.N o m a t t e r w h a t w o r d s o r m o t i o n s s h e u s e d，t h e y o u n g m a n r e m a i n e d p u z z l e d. F i n a l l y，a C h i n e s e s t u d e n t s t a n d i n g n e a r b y a s k e d m y s i s t e r，W h a t d o y o u n e e d t o k n o w?A f t e r m y s i s t e r e x p l a i n e d，t h e C h i n e s e w o m a n t u r n e d t o t h e y o u n g m a n a n d h u m m e d t h e f i r s t f e w b a r s o f H a p p y B i r t h d a y t o Y o u.我妹妹在一所大多数学生都不会讲英文的大学里任教。

四则趣味英语幽默笑话下面是店铺整理的四则经典趣味英语笑话，希望大家喜欢!经典英语笑话：还是家里好A surgeon returned from a safari in Africa.一位外科医生刚从非洲狩猎回来。

"How did it go?" asked his colleagues.“这次打猎顺利吗?，’同僚问道。

"Oh , it was very disappointing," replied thesurgeon.“喔，实在太令人失望了，”外科医生答道。

"I didn't kill a thing. In fact, I'd have been better off staying here in the hospital. "“我什么也没猎杀到，实际上，还是待在医院里比较有成就感。

”经典英语笑话：你真是有问题A man reported to his doctor that he was having trouble going to thebathroom',event)">bathroom.一位老兄对医生说明他上厕所有困难。

"Do you urinate in the morning?" asked the doctor.“你早上有小便吗?，’医生问他。

"Yeah, every morning at six o'clock. "“有，每天早上六点钟。

”"And how are your bowel movements?"“那大便情况如何?""Seven o'clock every morning, just like clockwork. "“像时钟一样，我每天准时七点钟上大号。

幽默搞笑双语笑话幽默搞笑双语笑话笑话使人们在刻板的生活中感到一丝快意和放松，在人们的日常生活中起着重要调剂作用。

下面店铺为大家带来幽默搞笑双语笑话，希望大家喜欢!幽默搞笑双语笑话1:One day a boy came to his teacher and said:"Teacher，my dad wants to know if you like roast pig.”一天有个男孩去对他老师说:“老师，我爸想知道你是不是爱吃烤猪肉。

”"I certainly do，”said the teacher, "And you tell your father he is very kind to think of me.”“当然口，”老师说，“去告诉你父亲，多谢他想着我。

”Days passed，and nothing more was said about the roast pig.好几天过去了，男孩再没提起烤猪肉的事儿。

Finally the teacher said to the boy，“I thought your father was going to send me over some roast pig.”最后老师对男孩说:“我以为你父亲要给我送点烤猪肉来呢。

”"Yes，"said the boy，“He did intend to，but the pig got well.”幽默搞笑双语笑话2:Mother asked her litter daughter who was reading a book，"What are you reading，dear?”妈妈问正在读书的女儿:“亲爱的，你读的是什么书?"I don’t know，”the litter girl answered.女儿回答道:“我不知道。

”"You don't know? But you were reading aloud，so you must know.”“你不知道?你不是在朗读吗?你应该知道的。

高中英语好笑笑话带翻译汉字的“冷”说明了汉语冷笑话的特性,即用一种不合逻辑荒谬的推理来娱乐大众。

下面小编整理了高中英语好笑笑话带翻译，希望大家喜欢!高中英语好笑笑话带翻译摘抄考你的推理能力Four friends live in a small town. Their names are John, Miller, Smith and Carte. They all havedifferent jobs. One is a policeman, one is a cook, one is a farmer, and one is a doctor.It's Tuesday afternoon. John's son breaks his leg and John takes him to the doctor. Thedoctor's sister is Smith's wife. The farmer isn't married. He has a lot of hens.Miller often buys eggs from the farmer. The policeman sees Smith and Miller every day for theyare neighbours.Now who is the policeman? Who is the cook? Who is the farmer? Who is the doctor?1. John is a _______.A. doctorB. farmerC. policemanD. cook2. Miller is a _______.A. doctorB. policemanC. cookD. farmer3. Smith is a _______.A. farmerB. policemanC. cookD. doctor4. Carter is a _______.A. doctorB. policemanC. cookD. farmer【答案与解析】这是一篇推理性文章，要求根据所给出提示，猜出各自的职业。

英语好笑短笑话带翻译大全:20个英语笑话爆笑超短笑话虽是一种叙事体裁,但也常有诗歌穿插其间,有的甚至干脆就以诗的形式表达。

下面是小编带来的英语好笑短笑话带翻译，欢迎阅读!英语好笑短笑话带翻译篇一Insomnia失眠Amanwenttothedoctorcomplainingofinsomnia.有一个男的去看医生，诉说着失眠的苦恼。

Thedoctorgavehimathoroughexamination,医生给他做了一次完整的检查，foundabsolutelynothingphysicallywrongwithhim, 完全找不到他身体有任何毛病，andthentoldhim,然后告诉他;"Listen,ifyoueverexpecttocureyourinsomnia,youjusthaveto stoptakingyourtroublestobedwithyou."“你听好，如果你希望治疗好你的失眠，你就必须停止把你的烦恼跟着你带上床。

”"Iknow"saidtheman,"butIcan't.Mywiferefusestosleepalone. "这个男的说：“我知道呀，但是我没办法呀，我老婆不肯一个人睡嘛!”英语好笑短笑话带翻译篇二CuteHarry可爱的哈利It'swaslittleHarry'sfirstvisittothecountry, 这是小哈利第一次停留在乡下，andfeedingthechickensfascinatedhim.并且喂食吸引他目光的小鸡。

Lateoneeveninghecaughthisfirstglimpseofpeacockstrutting intheyard,有一天晚上，他第一次看到孔雀在院子里神气十足地昂首阔步，feathersspreadbeautifullyinallitsglory.得意地将羽毛很优美地向外展开, Rushingindoorsexcitedly,Harrycalledoutforhisgrandma.小哈利很兴裔地，向屋内冲，大声叫他的奶奶来看……"Oh,Granny,comesee!Comesee!"heexclaimed.他高声地叫说：“喔，奶奶，快来看!快来看!”"oneofyourchickensisinbloom!"“你们家有一只鸡开花罗!”英语好笑短笑话带翻译篇三Flowers花Anewbusinesswasopeningandoneoftheowner'sfriendswantedto sendhimflowersfortheoccasion.有一家公司开幕，老板的其中一位朋友为了这件太事要送他花。

一分钟英语小笑话大全篇一：英语幽默小笑话大全英语幽默小笑话大全1.a kissAt a dinner party, the speaker, who was the guest of honor, was about to deliver a speech when his wife sitting at the other end of the table, sent him a piece of paper with the word “KISS” scribbl ed on it.The guest seated next to the speaker said, “Your wife must love you very much, I see her send you a ‘KISS’ before you begin your speech.”The speaker smiled and explained, “You don’t know my wife. The ‘KISS’ she give me stands for ‘Keep It Short, Stupid.’”2.A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, “Everyone who thinks you’re stupid, stand up!”Little Johnny then stood up.The teacher said, “Do you think you’re stupid, Johnny?”“No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!”一个老师在对学生们讲心理学，“谁认为自己蠢就站起来？”她一开始就说。

幽默轻松双语小笑话幽默轻松双语小笑话1:natasha is a little russian girl. one day her grandmother took her to town. they went shopping.in the street, they saw many buses and cars.娜塔莎是一个俄国女孩，有一天奶奶带她进城去买东西。

在大街上她们看到许多公共汽车和小汽车。

natasha stopped and asked her grandmother，“do you know which bus is the best?”娜塔莎停住问奶奶:“奶奶，您知道哪一辆车最好吗?”"oh，i don’t know.”her grandmother could not understand why she had asked such a question and,in turn,she asked her granddaughter，"can you tell me which of them is the best?”“啊，我不知道。

”奶奶不明白她为什么要这样问，就反过来问小孙女:“你能告诉我哪一辆最好吗?”"no.5 is the best one."“5号最好。

”"why?”“为什么?”“because it has got full marks-5!”“因为它得了满分—5分!”幽默轻松双语小笑话2:one day，a father and his little son were going home. at this age，the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was asking questions.now he asked，"what is the meaning of the word‘drunk’，dads”一天，父亲与小儿子一起回家。

一分钟好笑的英语笑话幽默笑话作为人类语言特有的一种现象,不仅渗透在生活的每个角落,而且是社会实践不可缺少的成份。

下面是店铺带来的一分钟好笑的英语笑话，欢迎阅读!一分钟好笑的英语笑话篇一Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. My husband was in all morning. He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel. "Oh, good," she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages." "What is it?" I asked. "My husband's new hearing aid."我在邮局上班，对于顾客们的各种情绪早已习以为常了。

所以，有一天当一个生气的顾客气冲冲地来到我的工作台时，我还是非常平静地问她，“有什么问题吗?”“我早上上街了，”女顾客说，“我回到家的时候，我看到一个卡片，卡片说邮递员要给我们家送包裹，但没人在家。

英语幽默笑话集锦(英汉对照)Sleeping PillsBob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills. Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning." "That's fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday and Tuesday?"Imitate BirdsA man tried to get a job in a stage show. "What can you do?" asked the producer. "Imitate birds," the man said. "Are you kidding?" answered the producer, "People like that are a dime a dozen." "Well, I guess that's that." said the actor, as he spread his arms and flew out the window.I Wasn't Asleep When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already oupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!" "Iwasn't asleep," the man answered. "Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed." "I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."。

按流程办事的笑话《小明的入职趣事》小明毕业后加入了一家新公司。

上班第一天，人力资源部门的同事发给他一叠厚厚的流程手册，告诉他公司的所有事务都需要按照流程来办理。

有一天，小明的电脑出了故障，他按照流程手册上的步骤，先填写了一份故障申报表，然后提交给了部门经理审批。

部门经理签字后，小明又将申报表交给了信息技术部门。

信息技术部门的同事告诉小明，他们会在三个工作日内派人来维修。

三天后，小明的电脑还没有修好，他又按照流程手册上的步骤，给信息技术部门打了一个电话。

对方告诉他，维修人员已经在路上了，让他再耐心等待一下。

又过了一天，小明还是没有等到维修人员。

他再次打电话给信息技术部门，对方却告诉他，维修人员因为其他事情耽搁了，还没有出发。

小明非常生气，他觉得按照流程办事太耽误时间了。

于是，他决定直接去找信息技术部门的负责人。

经过一番沟通，负责人答应亲自为小明维修电脑。

就在这时，小明突然想起了流程手册上的规定：“未经部门经理批准，不得擅自跨部门沟通。

”他赶紧跑回自己的部门，找到部门经理，向他说明了情况，并请求批准。

部门经理看了看流程手册，又看了看小明，无奈地说：“好吧，我批准你去和信息技术部门沟通。

但是下不为例！”小明松了一口气，赶紧跑回信息技术部门。

可是，当他到达时，却发现负责人已经离开了。

他问其他同事，才知道负责人刚刚接到一个紧急任务，出去了。

小明无奈地回到自己的座位上，看着那台还没有修好的电脑，心里感慨万千：“按流程办事真是太难了！”这个故事告诉我们，按流程办事虽然可以保证工作的规范性和准确性，但有时候也会因为繁琐的流程而耽误时间和效率。

因此，在工作中，我们需要在保证流程的前提下，尽量简化流程，提高工作效率。

英语幽默笑话集锦下面是店铺整理的英语幽默笑话集锦，欢迎大家阅读!英语幽默笑话集锦及翻译一：The poor husband"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.英语幽默笑话集锦及翻译二：When a man called a motel and asked how much they charged for a room, the clerk told him that the rates depend on room size and number of people." Do you take children?" the man asked."No, sir," replied the clerk. "Only cash and credit cards."英语幽默笑话集锦及翻译三：A smart housewife was told that there was a kind of stove which would only consume half of the coal she was burning. She was very excited, and said: "That'll be terrific! Since one stove can save half of the coal, if I buy two, no coal will be needed!"When they're together, my five-year-old son and his cousin tend to cause mayhem. one Saturday, I put my foot down. "All right, you two," I said sternly. "No screaming , grabbing, whining, hitting, teasing, tattling, breaking toys, scratching or fighting."As I turned to leave, I heard my son say, "C'mon, Steven, let's get dirty . "我五岁的儿子和他的表弟在一起的时候，总要招来大乱。

一分钟简单的英语笑话欣赏Stepping from my kitchen into the garage, I accidentally locked myself out of the house. When I tried to persuade my 18-month-old son，Taylor, to open the door, none of my tactics worked.Finally，I walked around the house to check for an open window. To my amazement，I found the front door open and Taylor standing there with a salesman.出了厨房我便走进了车库，不留神把门锁给撞上了，把我自己锁在了门外。

我那18个月的儿子泰勒在屋里。

于走，我在外边千方百计地想让他帮我开门，结果均告失败。

最后，我围着房子想找个开着的窗子。

令我吃惊的是，前门开着，我的儿子站在门口正与一个推销员在谈话。

"I've been locked out for 20 minutes,"I said. "How did you get him to open the door?"我对那推销员说:“我被锁在了外边20多分钟，你是怎样让他给你开门的”。

Looking puzzled，the man replied，“I rang the doorbell."面带惊奇的推销员答说:“我只按了一下门铃。

”A motorist got caught in one of those new radar traps.He had been driving home one night when the automatic camera identified his car as exceeding the speed limit, Soon after，he received aticket in the mail，plus a picture of this vehicle with the date and speed recorded on it.一个飞车手被新的雷达测速仪捕获。

关于好笑的双语英语笑话A woman answered her front door and found two boys holding a list. "Lady," one of them explained, "we are on a treasure hunt, and we need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a pieceof used carbon paper to earn a dollar. ""Wow," the woman replied, "who sent you on such a challenging hunt?" "Our baby-sitter's boyfriend. "A woman answered her front door and found two boys holding a list. "Lady," one of them explained, "we are on a treasure hunt, and we need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a pieceof used carbon paper to earn a dollar. ""Wow," the woman replied, "who sent you on such a challenging hunt?" "Our baby-sitter's boyfriend. "：You are Not Going to Make itGravely ill, a man went to the doctor with his wife. After the examination the physician motioned for the wife to meet him in the hallway."Your husband is very sick, " the doctor said, "but there are three things you can do to ensure his survival. First, fix him three healthful, delicious meals a day. Next, give him astress-free environment , and don't complain about anything. Finally, make passionate love to him every day.On the drive home the husband asked, "What did the doctor say?""I'm sorry, " she said, "but you're not going to make it.你活不成了一个人得了重病，妻子伴随他去看医生。

英语开心一刻幽默小笑话大全笑话作为一种城市化的民间口头创作体裁,是一种重要的交际手段。

下面是店铺带来的英语开心一刻幽默小笑话，欢迎阅读!英语开心一刻幽默小笑话篇一A farmer and his son, traveling by horse and buggy up a narrow lane, met a motorist going the other way. There was no room to pass for two miles in either direction. The motorist, in hurry, honked his horn ."If you don't back up," said the farmer, rolling up his sleeves, I won't like what I'm going to have to do." The surprised driver put his car in reverse and backed up two miles, allowing the horse and buggy to go by. "What was it you wouldn't have liked to have done back there?" asked the farmer's son."Back up two miles," replied the farmer.一位农夫和他的儿子乘坐轻便马车来到一段窄路，他们遇到一个开车的人向相反的方向去。

两个方向的两英里以内都没有地方可以使他们相擦而过。

驾车人甚是着急，按响了喇叭。

“如果你不后退，”农夫说着撸起了袖子，“我可不喜欢我将不得不做的事。

”司机吃惊不小，挂上倒挡，向后退了两英里，让轻便马车先过去。