《老友记》中英文对照剧本精编版-(第一季第20集)

老友记第一季剧本108. The One Where Nana Dies Twice[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler is on a coffee break. Shelley enters.]break: 休息-Shelley: Hey gorgeous, how's it going?【gorgeous: A beautiful girl/guy –from Urban Dictionary】嗨,帅哥，你怎么样？-Chandler: Dehydrated Japanese noodles under fluorescent lights... does it get better than this? dehydrated: 脱水的noodle: 面条fluorescent: 日光灯在荧火灯下吃日本方便面……我能有多好？-Shelley: Question. You're not dating anybody, are you, because I met somebody who would be perfect for you.date: 约会问个问题。

你没有约会对象，是吧，因为我碰到个人对你来说相当完美。

-Chandler: Ah, you see, perfect might be a problem. Had you said 'co-dependent', or 'self-destructive'...co-dependent: 相互依靠的self-destructive: 自我毁灭的啊，是啊，不过“完美”也许有点不恰当。

你可以说“相互依靠”，或者“自我毁灭”。

-Shelley: Do you want a date Saturday?你想星期六约会吗？-Chandler: Yes please.是啊请说吧。

我真不敢相信你会这么说I can't believe you'd actually say that.我不是咸味先生而是花生先生I'd much rather be Mr. Peanut than Mr. Salty.{\an3\fs16\bord0\fn微软雅黑\fad(0,0)\b0\pos(374,247)}卡通人物做的玉米小吃才怪咸味先生是个水手No way. Mr. Salty is a sailor.他应该是最强硬的点心He's gotta be the toughest snack there is.我说不好你不会想和玉米作对的I don't know. You don't wanna mess with Cornnuts.它们简直是疯了They're crazy.上帝呀你们应该看看这个Oh, my God. You gotta come see this.有个变态拿着望远镜There's some creep out there with a telescope.我真不敢相信他在看我们I can't believe it. He's looking right at us.真恶心Oh, that is so sick.我感觉被冒犯了I feel violated.而且很不爽And not in a good way.怎会有人这样How can people do that?你们看丑裸男有双重力鞋You guys, look. Ugly Naked Guy got gravity boots.我跟你们说几年后学童将会把它I'm telling you, years from now, school children will study it...奉为首次约会完美案例研究...as one of the greatest first dates of all time.太令人难以置信了It was unbelievable.我们可以完全做自己无须耍任何花招We could totaly be ourselves. We didn't have to any play games. 你打过电话给她没Have you called her yet?让她知道我喜欢她你疯了不成Let her know I like her? What are you, insane?-伙计 -太恶心了- Guys. - It's gross.才第二天你要我显得多渴望It's the next day. How needy do I wanna seem?-我说的对吧 -对让她悬着心吧- I'm right. Right - Yeah, let her dangle.我无法相信我爸妈催着我找你们这种男人I can't believe my parents are actually pushing me to find one of you people. 算了行动吧Come on. Just do it.打给她别这么大男子主义Call her. Stop being so testosterone-y.我得说一句这还是旧金山特色Which, by the way, is the real San Francisco treat.-机器声 -她的答录机吗- I got her machine. - Her answering machine?不有趣的是她的落叶清扫机接的No, interestingly, her leaf blower picked up.那你为何不留言So, why didn't you say anything?不行上次我想随意留两句话的时候No. Last time I left a spontaneous message...最后说了"对滴是这样哦"... I ended up using the phrase,"Yes,indeed-io."看是瑞秋和巴瑞Look, it's Rachel and Barry.不大家别一起回头No, don't everybody look at once!怎么了What's going on?-他们只是在讲话 -他是否神情落寞- They're just talking. - Does he look upset?他是否像被告知滚远点的样子Does he look like he was told to shove anything?没有其实他正在微笑No. Actually, he's smiling.我的老天不要那样干Oh, my God. Don't do that.怎么啦怎么啦怎么啦What? What? What?对街的男人刚踢了一只鸽子That man across the street just kicked that pigeon.基本上法案就是这么成为法律的And basically, that's how a bill becomes a law.懂了吗嗨瑞秋See? Hey, Rach.情况如何How'd it go?你们知道吗其实感觉好极了You know, it was actually really great.他带我到俄罗斯茶室餐厅吃饭He took me to lunch at the Russian Tea Room,我点了那种一戳有奶油喷出来的鸡肉I had that chicken, where you poke it and butter squirts out. 今天真不是鸟儿的好日子Not a good day for birds.然后我们一路走到本多尔商场Then we took a walk down to Bendall's,我告诉他不要他还是买了香奈儿给我And I told him not to,but he got me a bottle of Chanel.真体贴这是在你跟他说别再来电话That's nice. Now was that before or after you told him...别再送你花别再来烦你之前还是之后...to stop calling,stop sending flowers and to generally leave you alone? 老实说我没机会开口Right. Well, we never actually got to that.能再见到他的感觉真好It was just so nice to see him again.感觉是那么自在而熟悉It was comfortable and it was familiar.感觉真好It was just nice.你已讲了两遍That's nice twice.瑞秋这是怎么回事Rachel, what's going on?你难道忘了曾经在婚礼上抛弃巴瑞吗Isn't this the same Barry who you left at the altar?你上哪儿去了Where have you been?今天和他在一起感觉不同It was different with him today.他今天不像是牙医He wasn't, like, Orthodontist Guy.我们玩得很开心这样有什么不对吗I mean, we had fun. Is there anything wrong with that?是的Yes.-为什么 -我有我的理由- Why? - I have my reasons.那么他订婚的对象刚好...How about the fact that he's engaged to another woman... 是你曾经的好友这件事呢...who happens to be your ex-best friend?好吧我知道这样做很傻All right. I know it's stupid.我下午会去找他谈分手I'll see him this afternoon and put an end to it.我没疯对吧我们从未如此合拍过I'm not crazy, right? I mean, it was never like that.前所未有No, it wasn't.这儿有个小水槽真好It was so nice having this little sink here.丹妮尔没想到是答录机接的Oh, Danielle, I wasn't expecting the machine.有空请回电Give me a call when you get a chance.再见Bye-bye.总算完了Oh, God.你两小时就憋出这么点词儿That's what you've been working on for two hours?我一直在演练呢Hey, I've been honing.-为什么拨弄盘子 -我要她以为我在餐厅- What was with the dishes? - I want her to think I'm in a restaurant. 我过着不错的生活而不是干坐在这里I might have some kind of life. Like I haven't been sitting here...演练了两个小时... honing for the last two hours?快看又是他那个拿望远镜的人.Look look! He's doing it again, the guy with the telescope!我的上帝Oh, my God.走开别再往这儿看Go away. Stop looking in here.这下可好他也挥手了Great. Now he's waving back.我们得想办法阻止他We gotta do something about that guy.早上我逮到他往我们公寓张望This morning, I caught him looking into our apartment. 吓死我了感觉自己没法做事It creeps me out. I feel like I can't do stuff.做什么事What kind of stuff?成熟点行吗我不是指性Will you grow up? I'm not talking about sexy stuff...我只是不穿衣服做饭...but, like, when I'm cooking naked.你做饭不穿衣服吗You cook naked?对烤土司燕麦粥别溅出来就行Yeah, toast, oatmeal. Nothing that spatters.看我干嘛我毫不知情What are you looking at me for? I didn't know that.怎么了What's the matter?我只是巴瑞这样做不好I just Oh, Barry, this was not good.不很好是非常非常好No, it was. It was very, very good.-明蒂呢 -我们干得比明蒂好多了- What about Mindy? - Oh, way, way better than Mindy.不我是指你和明蒂怎么办I mean, what about you and Mindy?如果你希望那我就和她分手If you want, I'll break it off with her.万万不行别那样做别为我那样做No, don't do that. Not for me.范瑞柏医生巴比·朗斯来做矫正了Dr. Farber, Bobby Rush is here for his adjustment.谢谢波尼斯Thanks, Bernice.我们周末去度假吧Let's go away this weekend.巴瑞这样也太...Barry, come on, this is all way too...不不不我们可以去阿鲁巴岛No, we can go to Aruba.我上次是在我们本该有的"蜜月"去的When I went there on what would've been our honeymoon... 感觉很棒你一定会喜欢的...it was really nice. You would've liked it.我本来有穿胸罩I had a bra.嘿范瑞柏大夫Hey, Dr. Farber.你好格林小姐看来一切正常All right, Miss Greene, everything looks fine.你的牙齿看来整齐许多嘛We're starting to see some real progress.-干嘛 -我12岁了我不是傻子- What? - I'm 12, I'm not stupid.能借用你的电话吗Can I use your phone?我指点你一下你拿的那支...For future reference, that thing in your hand......也可以当电话使...can also be used as a phone.这电话没问题啊Yes, it's working.-她为何不回电 -或许她没听到你留言- Why isn't she calling? - Maybe she never got your message. 如果愿意你可以打给她的答录机If you want, you call her machine,如果听见许多哔声and if she has a lot of beeps...那代表她或许还没收留言...that means she probably didn't get her messages yet.你不认为这样会使我有点Doesn't that make me seem?绝望迫切可悲吗Desperate? Needy? Pathetic?你显然看过我的个人广告You obviously saw my personal ad.哔几声How many beeps?她接了She answered.此时你该向她打招呼才对This is where you'd use that "hello" word.我不能跟她讲话她显然听到我的留言I won't talk to her. She got my message...而且选择不回电我既迫切又被人冷落...and is choosing not to call me. Now I'm needy and snubbed. 我真想念纯迫切的滋味God, I miss just being needy.他接受了吗So how'd he take it?事实上还不错Pretty well,actually.瑞秋你头发上为何有牙线Rach. How come you have dental floss in your hair? -有吗 -当然- Oh, do l? - Uh, hmm.我们以在他椅子上做爱告终We ended up having sex in his chair.你们在他椅子上做爱You had sex in his chair?我说得有点太大声了是不是I said that a little too loudly, didn't l?你们做了什么You had what?在他椅子上做爱Sex in his chair.什么你到底在想什么What...? What were you thinking?我不知道我们仍在乎对方I don't know. We still care about each other.我们曾相爱过就像你和卡罗尔一样There's a history there. It's like you and Carol.不根本不像我和卡罗尔No, it's nothing like me and Carol.得了吧如果她说Please. If she said to you,"罗斯我此时只想和你在这沙发上缠绵""Ross,I want you on this couch... right here, right now," 你会怎么回答what would you say?如果能帮你思考我可以过去点If it helps, I could slide over.这完全是两回事就像苹果和桔子It's a totally different situation. It's apples and oranges. 是牙医和女同志的差别我走了It's orthodontists and lesbians. I gotta go.-你要上哪儿去 -我就是要走行吗- Where are you going? - I just have to go, all right?我需要理由吗我有自己的人生要过Do I need a reason? I have things to do with my life.我有许多事要做I have a jam-packed schedule.我现在已经迟到了好吗And I am late for keeping up with it, okay?喂喂Hello? Hello?喂Hello?明蒂啊Mindy.嗨你好吗Hi. How are you?对我听说了恭喜这真是太好了Yes, I heard. Congratulations. That is so great. 真的上帝啊Really, oh, God我明天要上班但如果你愿意I'm working tomorrow, but if you want,可以到公司来一趟you can come by if you'd like.可以太好了Ok. Great.太好了Great.那明天见了So I'll see you tomorrow.好的再见Okay. Bye.天呀天呀天呀Oh, God. Oh, God.明蒂好吗So how's Mindy?她明天想见我她的语调好诡异She wants to see me tomorrow. She sounded weird.我得打电话给巴瑞I gotta call Barry.是我我只是...明蒂啊It's me. I just...Mindy.明蒂不是我一想你就在这Mindy. No, I figured that's where you'd be.你这种人都该下地狱Hell is filled with people like you.他又来了偷窥狂又出现了He's back. The peeper's back.-蹲下 -蹲下干嘛- Get down. - Get down?接着跳舞And boogie.谢了但我得去上班Thanks, but I gotta go to work.准备好被明蒂挠个满脸花and get my eyes scratched out by Mindy.放轻松或许她都不知道Relax. She may not even know.我们七个月都没联络她突然打电话来I haven't heard from her in seven months, and now she calls me, 还会有什么事呢what else is it about?她曾是我最要好的朋友She was my best friend.我们一起去夏令营We went to camp together,-她教我如何亲吻 -是吗- she taught me how to kiss... - Yeah?如今我像是成了第三者Now, you know, I'm, like, the other woman.-我感觉自己很 -顽皮- I feel so - Naughty.-回见了 -等等我和你一起出去- See you later. - Hold up. I'll walk with you.瑞秋她在夏令营时教你亲吻时Rach. When she taught you to kiss, you were at camp, 你们有没有穿着制服还是...and.. were you wearing any kinda little uniform, or- 没事了That's fine, yeah.我要上洗手间帮我守着电话好吗I'm going to the bathroom. Will you watch my phone? 你何不带进去Why don't you just take it with you.我们还没第二次约会We haven't had a second date...她需要听到我尿尿的声音吗...she needs to hear me pee?为什么不打给她Why don't you call her?我留过言就不能打给她我有自己的尊严I can't call her. I left the message. I have some pride. -有吗 -没有- Do you? - No.丹妮尔嗨Danielle, hi.是我钱德勒It's Chandler.我很好I'm fine.听着...Listen....我不知道你是否打过电话给我I don't know if you tried to call me because...因为我不小心把电话关了... I accidentally shut off my phone.没关系太好了好的That's fine. That's great. Okay.她正在讲电话等一下回我电话She's on the other line. She's gonna call me back. 她正在讲电话等一下回我电话She's on the other line,she's gonna call me back. -你不想尿了吗 -所以我在跳舞- Don't you have to pee? - That's why I'm dancing. -明蒂 -嗨你好- Mindy. - Hey, you.嗨你好Hey, you.什么事So what's up?我们该坐下来谈We should really be sitting for this.当然啦Sure we should.我知道我们最近关系诡异I know things have been weird...但你是我认识最久的朋友...but you're my oldest friend in the world,除了萝瑞·沙弗之外except for maybe Laurie Schaffer,我现在也不跟她说话了who I don't talk to anywhere,因为她减肥成功后刻薄许多...'cause she's all bitter now that she lost the weight...但是脸蛋却依旧丑陋无比...and it turns out,she doesn't have a pretty face.-那我问了 -好的- Okay, I'm just gonna say it. - Okay.你愿意当我的伴娘吗Will you be my maid of honor?-当然 -太好了- Of course. - That's so great.-你就想问我这些 -对就这些- That's all you wanted to ask? - That's all.-怎么了 -不只这样- What? - That's not all.-当然是的 -也不全是- Oh, sure it is. -Oh, no, it isn't.我认为巴瑞有其他的女人I think Barry's seeing someone in the city.你怎会这样想What would make you think that?宣布订婚后他就变了样Ever since we announce the engagement, he's acted weird. 昨晚他回家时身上有香奈儿的味道And then last night, he came home smelling like Chanel.真的Really?明蒂如果这样能让你好过点Mindy. If it'll make you feel any better...我和巴瑞刚订婚时...when Barry and I first got engaged,他也像变了一个人举止很奇怪he went through a whole weird things too.瞧这就是我最担心的Oh, God. You see that's what I was afraid of.什么你担心什么What's what you were afraid of?巴瑞和你订婚时我跟他When Barry was engaged to you, he and l...正在偷偷恋爱... kind of had a little thing on the side.-什么 -我知道这不对- What? - I know, I know.他向我求婚时每个人都劝我"别接受When he proposed, everyone said "Don't do it, 他会像背叛瑞秋一样背叛你"he's just gonna do to you what he did to Rachel," 如今我觉得自己好傻And now I feel so stupid.明蒂你真是傻Oh Mindy. You are so stupid.我们两个都傻透了We are both so stupid.什么意思What do you mean?味道熟悉吗Smell familiar?不是吧Oh no.真是抱歉Oh, I'm so sorry.不是我抱歉Oh, no, me. I am so sorry.不我对不起我抱歉No, I am sorry. I'm sorry.我的上帝Oh, my.四个字母 "圈圈或圆圈"Four letters, "circle or hoop."-快响{\fs14}[意同圆圈] {\fs}见鬼了 -谢啦-Ring, damn it, ring. - Thanks.-你知道我们的电话坏了不 -什么- You know our phone's not working? - What? 我想从咖啡店打给你但没有回音I tried to call you from the coffee shop and there was no answer. 我关机了I turned it off.老天爷啊我关机了Mother of God, I turned it off.和你告诉她的一样Just like you told her you did.只是指出槽点何在Just pointing out the irony.听着我和对街门房谈过了So listen, I went across the street to the doorman.他告诉我那偷窥狂的名字电话能借用吗I got the peeper's name. Can I use the phone?电话能借用吗Can I use your phone?请帮我查辛尼·马克斯的电话The number for a Sidney Marks, please."取暖设备""Heating device."散热器Radiator.俩字Five letters."热器""Rdtor."对是辛尼吗Yeah, is Sidney there?你就是啊辛尼是个女的Oh, this is? Sidney's a woman.是女的又怎样So she's a woman, so what?对那又怎样Yeah, so what?听着我住在对街Look, I live across the street,我注意到你拿望远镜偷窥and I know about your telescope.而且我很不喜欢你这样And I don't appreciate it.对我现在就看得见你喂Yeah, I can see you right now. Hello?如果我想在室内只穿内裤我不该感觉If I wanna walk around in my underwear, I shouldn't have to feel 谢谢Thank you.那不是重点重点是That's not really the point. The point is, that-我常举哑铃偶尔也有... -乔伊- Mostly free-weights, but occasionally... - Joey!对我邻居对黑褐色头发Yeah, my neighbor. Yeah, the brunette.她说你那天穿绿色套装很好看She said you looked pretty that day in the green dress.绿色套装真的吗The green dress? Really?{\an3\fs16\bord0\fn微软雅黑\fad(0,0)\b0\pos(374,247)}美女明星对她说你像英格丽褒曼She said you looked like lngrid Bergman.才没有No.-有空吗 -当然- Hey. Got a second? - Sure, sure.进来吧Come on...in...你好亲爱的Hello, sweetheart.你们来干什么What you guys doing here?我们是来和你分手的We are here to break up with you.你们两个一起Both of you?基本上我们认为你是个大烂人Basically We think you're a horrible human being,你该遭天谴and bad things should happen to you.对不起我是个白痴I'm sorry. God, I am so sorry.我是个笨蛋懦夫我无法自拔I'm a idot. I was weak. I couldn't help myself.不管我做什么都是因为太爱你了Whatever I did, I only did because I love you so much. 你说的是我俩谁Which one of us are you talking to there?明蒂Mindy.当然是指明蒂我一直深爱着明蒂Of course, Mindy. It was always Mindy.我们在这把椅子上做爱时也是吗Even when we were having sex in that chair?我发誓不论我做什么我都想着你I swear, whatever I was doing, I was thinking of you. 拜托第二回合时Please. That second time,你根本把她忘得一干二净了you couldn't have picked her out of a lineup.你们做了两次You did it twice?第一次不算你了解巴瑞的The first time didn't really count. You know, it was Barry. 亲爱的甜心再给我一次机会Honey, sweetheart, look. Just give me another chance. 我们再重新来过我们再到阿鲁巴岛去We'll start over. We'll go back to Aruba.范瑞柏医生紧急状况Dr. Farber, we've got an emergency here.强森·卡斯特兰诺被自己的牙套噎到了Jason Castalano's choking on his retainer.天啊我马上去波尼斯Oh, God. I'll be right there, Bernice.求你了求你别离开Look, please, please don't go anywhere.我马上回来I'll be right back.我们会在这儿的恨你入骨Okay, and we'll be here, hating you.看见他走出去时满身大汗没See how he was sweating when he walked out?这样吧我去抓住他那里Listen honey, if I'm hogging the ball too much然后你过去狠狠打他几拳you just jump right in there and take some punches. 我跟你说那感觉一定很爽because I'm telling you, this feels great.是吗我还是想嫁给她Yeah? I'm pretty sure I'm still gonna marry him.你在说什么What are you talking about?明蒂那家伙是个恶魔Mindy, the guy is the devil.是个衣冠禽兽He is Satan in a smock.我知道他并不完美I know he's not perfect.但事实是But the truth is at the end of the day,说到底我还是想当I still really wanna be...巴瑞·范瑞柏医生的... Mrs. Dr. Barry Farber...太太... D.D.S.我的天Oh, God.希望你能为我高兴I hope you can find a way to be happy for me.我希望你还愿意当我的伴娘And I hope you'll still be my maid of honor.我希望巴瑞不会在阿鲁巴岛将你宰了吃掉And I hope Barry doesn't kill you and eat you in Aruba. -你还好吗 -还好- You okay? -Yeah.-真的吗 -真的- Really? - Yeah.自从我在婚礼上抛下巴瑞Since I ran out on Barry at the wedding...我一直在想这决定是否正确...I've wondered whether I made the right choice.现在我知道了And now I know.我真为你高兴I'm so glad.好日子Big day.我告诉你花生先生的穿着比较讲究I'll give you this: Mr. Peanut is a better dresser.他有单片眼镜高帽He's got the monocle, he's got the top hat....你知道他是个男同志吗Did you know he's gay?你说清楚了这是要帮花生先生出柜吗I just wanna clarify this. Are you outing Mr. Peanut?-钱德勒 -丹妮尔嗨- Chandler? - Danielle, hi.各位这是丹妮尔丹妮尔这是大家Everybody, this is Danielle. Danielle, everybody.你为何会出现在这儿What are you doing here?我一直打电话给你结果我记错号码了I've been calling you, it turns out that I had your number wrong. 最后总算问查号台知道你的号码When I finally got the right one from the information,却没人接电话there was no answer.我想来看看你是否无恙So I thought I'd come down here and make sure you were okay. 我没事I'm okay.或许我们改天可以见个面Maybe we could get together later?这主意不错我再打给你That sounds good. I'll call you.或是你打给我都行Or you call me, whatever.一言为定You got it.-再见了各位 -再见- Bye, everybody. - Bye.-干得好 -第二次约会- There you go. - Second date.我不知道I don't know.你不知道You don't know?她好像很不错She seems nice any enerything,但她大老远来这儿but the whole thing about her coming all the way here... 只想确定我没事有这必要吗...just to see if I was okay? I mean, how needy is that?。

1.Shall I go on? 我还要继续吗2.Just keep smiling3.You spoiled everything 你搞砸了一切4.My friend and family are out there! How can I face them？我的亲朋好友都在场，以后我还怎么见人5.She’s just fixing her makeup 她要补妆6.I hope you don’t take this the wrong way 我希望你别误会7.I know we had plans to meet up tonight 我知道我们今天晚上约了要见面8.How could we have let this happen? 我们怎么这么不小心9.I don’t see that we have a choice. 看来我们别无选择10.I gotta ask you something. 我有事情要问你11.Is all out fault? Were we bad parents? 这是我们的错吗，没把小孩教好12.How are you supposed to eat this? 怎么来吃啊13.Forget it. That’s off.算了吧当我没说14.It’s doesn’t count 不算15.I’m sorry things aren’t working out 抱歉，事情竟然会出问题16.She’ll get over this. 她不会放在心上的17.It didn’t mean anything. It’s a mistake. 根本就没什么，只是一个无心之过18.tow the line, thread the needle听天由命，努力争取19.think outside the box 不要死心眼20.If you don’t realize that, I can’t help you如果你还不懂，我也没法了21.It could be better. It’ll be okay, right?22.If I scream, Yippee, just ignore me。

116 The One With Two Parts, part 1[Scene: Ri ft’s Restaurant, as seen in Mad About You, Joey and Chandler are there.]Chandler: This is unbelievable. It’s been like a half an hour. If this was a cartoon, you’d be looking like a ham right about now. (Ursu la Buffay, Phoebe’s identical twin sister, is waiting on tables in her inimitable manner.)Joey: There’s the waitress. Excuse me, Miss. Hello, Miss?(Ursula spins around looking puzzled, quite unable to tell where the sound is coming from.)Chandler: It’s Phoebe! Hi!(Ursula notices Joey waving his hand, and comes over.)Ursula: Hi. Okay, will that be all?Chandler: Wait, wait! Wh-what are you doing here?Ursula: Yeah, um, I was over there, then you said, "Excuse me, hello Miss," so now I’m here.Joey: No, no... how come you are working here?Ursula: Right, yeah, ’cause its close to where I live, and the aprons are really cute.Chandler: Can we start over?Ursula: Yeah. Okay great. I’m gonna be over here. (She wanders away.) Chandler & Joey: No, no, no!Opening Credits[Scene: A wintry February day in New York City, snowplows are clearing the streets. Inside Central Perk, all three girls are paying court to Ross.]Ross: I don’t know whether he’s testing me, or just acting out, but my monkey is out of control. But, he keeps erasing the messages on my machine, "supposedly" by accident.Rachel: No, yeah, I’ve done that.Ross: And then, like three days in a row he got to the newspaper before I did, and peed all over the crossword.Rachel: I’ve never done that.(Outside in the street, Joey and Chandler arrive, to peer through the window at Phoebe, by bending down to look underneath the shop’s sign—a large steaming cup of coffee.)Chandler: All right, now look at her and tell me she doesn’t look exactly like her sister.Joey: I’m sayin’ I see a difference.Chandler: They’re twins!Joey: I don’t care. Phoebe’s Phoebe. Ursula’s... hot!(Joey and Chandler come indoors.)Chandler: You know that thing, when you and I talk to each other about things?Joey: Yeah.Chandler: Let’s not do that any more.(They hang up their coats and scarves, then approach their friends on the main sofa.) 116 双胞胎两部曲（一）真是令人难以置信已过了半个小时如果这是卡通你应该看起来像火腿一样女侍在那儿抱歉，小姐…等等是菲比!嗨好的。

老友记中英文对照剧本（转载）Part one101 The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate (The Pilot-The Uncut Version)//每一集的名称中都有“The One”的字样，不清楚这个到底是什么意思，所以就不翻译了。

101 Monica找到新室友（未剪切版）[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are there.][场景：Central Perk、Chandler、Joey、Phoebe，还有Monica在场。

]Monica: There’s nothing to tell! He’s just some guy I work with!Monica: 没什么好说的！他只是我的同事！Joey: C’mon, you’re going out with the guy! There’s gotta be something wrong with him!//C’mon，这个简写倒是很有用Joey: 得了，你和那家伙出去了！他肯定有问题！Chandler: All right Joey, be nice. So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?Chandler: 好了Joey，别这样。

他是驼背吗？一个戴假发的驼背？Phoebe: Wait, does he eat chalk?Phoebe: 等等，他吃粉笔吗？(They all stare, bemused.)(他们互相凝视，很茫然。

)Phoebe: Just, ’cause, I don’t want her to go through what I went through with Carl- oh!Phoebe: 只是因为我不希望她经历我和Carl经历过的那些事情-oh！Monica: Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. It’s just two people going out to dinner and- not having sex.Monica: 好吧，大家放松。

108 The One Where Nana Dies Twice[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler is on a coffee break. Shelley enters.)Shelley: Hey gorgeous, how's it going?Chandler: Dehydrated Japanese noodles under fluorescent lights... does it get better than this?Shelley: Question. You're not dating anybody, are you, because I met somebody who would be perfect for you.Chandler:Ah, y'see, perfect might be a problem. Had you said 'co-dependent', or 'self-destructive'...Shelley: Do you want a date Saturday?Chandler: Yes please.Shelley: Okay. He's cute, he's funny, he's-Chandler: He's a he?Shelley:Well yeah! ...Oh God. I- just- I thought- Good, Shelley. I'm just gonna go flush myself down the toilet now...(backs out of the room) Okay, goodbye...Opening Credits[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is there.)Chandler: ...Couldn't enjoy a cup of noodles after that. I mean, is that ridiculous? Can you believe she actually thought that? Rachel: Um... yeah. Well, I mean, when I first met you, y'know, I thought maybe, possibly, you might be...Chandler: You did?Rachel:Yeah, but then you spent Phoebe's entire birthday party talking to my breasts, so then I figured maybe not.Chandler:Huh. Did, uh... any of the rest of you guys think that when you first met me?Monica: I did.Phoebe: Yeah, I think so, yeah.Joey: Not me.Ross: Nono, me neither. Although, uh, y'know, back in college, Susan Sallidor did.Chandler: You're kidding! Did you tell her I wasn't?Ross: No. No, it's just 'cause, uh, I kinda wanted to go out with her too, so I told her, actually, you were seeing Bernie Spellman... who also liked her, so...(Joey congratulates Ross, sees Chandler's look and abruptly stops.) Chandler: Well, this is fascinating. So, uh, what is it about me? Phoebe: I dunno, 'cause you're smart, you're funny...Chandler: Ross is smart and funny, d'you e ver think that about him? All: Yeah! Right!Chandler: WHAT IS IT?!Monica: Okay, I-I d'know, you-you just- you have a quality.All: Yes. Absolutely. A quality. 108 （祖母）娜娜死了两回帅哥，如何?萤光灯下的脱水日本面我能有多好?问你一个问题你目前没有约会的对象吧?我遇见一个和你是绝配的人绝配或许是个问题你若说共同独立或自我毁灭的话…周六想要有个约会的对象吗?当然，拜托了他人帅而且风趣，他…他?糟了，我以为…你是个有为的青年很好，雪莉我要到马桶去把自己冲掉再见听完后我没心情吃面了这不荒谬吗?你能相信她会有这样的想法吗? 我第一次见到你时我以为你是你真的这样认为?对，但后来你在菲比的生日会上一直盯着我的胸部我想你大概不是吧你们第一次看见我时也是这样认为?我是我不觉得我也是虽然大学时代的苏珊这样认为开什么玩笑?你有告诉她我不是吗?没有没有，因为我也想跟她约会我告诉她你和伯尼是一对因为他也喜欢她所以这简直是太神奇了是什么原因?我不知道Chandler:Oh, oh, a quality, good, because I was worried you guys were gonna be vague about this.(Phone rings; Monica gets it)Monica: Hello? Hello? Oh! Rachel, it's Paolo calling from Rome. Rachel: Oh my God! Calling from Rome! (Takes phone) Bon giorno, caro mio.Ross:(to Joey) So he's calling from Rome. I could do that. Just gotta go to Rome.Rachel: Monica, your dad just beeped in, but can you make it quick? Talking to Rome. (Showing off to Phoebe and Chandler) I'm talking to Rome.Monica: Hey dad, what's up? (Listens) Oh God. Ross, it's Nana. [Scene: The Hospital, Mr. and Mrs. Geller are there, along with Aunt Lillian. Ross and Monica enter and everyone says hi and kisses.) Ross: So, uh, how's she doing?Aunt Lillian: The doctor says it's a matter of hours.Monica: How-how are you, Mom?Mrs. Geller:Me? I'm fine, fine. I'm glad you're here. ...What's with your hair?Monica: What?Mrs. Geller: What's different?Monica: Nothing.Mrs. Geller: Oh, maybe that's it.(Monica strides over to Ross, who is making coffee, and talks to him aside.)Monica: She is unbelievable, our mother is...Ross: Okay, relax, relax. We are gonna be here for a while, it looks like, and we still have boyfriends and your career to cover. Monica: Oh God!(They hug.)[Cut to the hospital, later. Everyone is talking about Nana.] Monica: The fuzzy little mints at the bottom of her purse. Ross: Oh! ...Yeah, they were gross. Oh, you know what I loved? Her Sweet 'n' Los. How she was always stealing them from- from restaurants. Mr. Geller: Not just restaurants, from our house.(The nurse comes out of Nana's room.)Nurse: Mrs. Geller?(Everyone stands up. Cut to Ross and Monica in Nana's room.) Ross: She looks so small.Monica: I know.Ross: Well, at least she's with Pop-Pop and Aunt Phyllis now. Monica: G'bye, Nana. (She kisses her on the forehead.)Ross: Bye, Nana.(He goes to kiss her but she moves. Monica screams. Ross shouts and stares in disbelief. Monica runs out of the room.)Monica: Ross!(Ross runs out too.)Mrs. Geller: What is going on?! 因为你既聪明又风趣罗斯也是聪明又风趣你们有想过他是吗?是哦到底是为什么?我也说不上来但你就是有那种调调没错调调?说得好我还担心你们看不出呢瑞秋，是保罗从罗马打来的天啊，从罗马打来(意大利语)了不起，他从罗马打来我也可以我到罗马去就是了摩妮卡，你爸打来的你能长话短说吗?我正和罗马通电话爸，怎么了?我的天罗斯，是奶奶你们还好吧?她的情况如何?医生说只剩几小时了妈，你还好吧?我?我还好真高兴见到你们来你的头发怎么了?什么?看起来有点不同.没什么变化呀.或许是这个缘故她真是令人难以置信放松点看来我们得在这儿待一段时间了免不了还要谈你男友和工作的事我的老天她皮包里有发霉的钱币真呕心你们知道我喜欢什么吗?她的人工袋糖她总是从餐厅里偷走不只是餐厅，我们家也一样格雷太太她看起来好小我知道Ross: Y'know how-how the nurse said that-that Nana had passed? Well, she's not, quite..Mrs. Geller: What?Ross: She's not- past, she's present, she's back.Aunt Lillian: (reentering) What's going on?Mr. Geller: She may have died.Aunt Lillian: She may have died?Mr. Geller: We're looking into it.(Monica returns with the nurse and they go into Nana's room.) Ross: I, uh, I'll go see. (He goes in)Nurse: This almost never happens!(Nana passes for the second time and the nurse pulls the blanket over her. Ross and Monica go to tell the family)Ross:Now she's passed.[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Phoebe, Joey, and Rachel are there.] Chandler: I just have to know, okay. Is it my hair?Rachel:(exasperated) Yes, Chandler, that's exactly what it is. It's your hair.Phoebe: Yeah, you have homosexual hair.(Monica and Ross enter.)Rachel: So, um, did she...Ross: Twice.Joey: Twice?Phoebe: Oh, that sucks!Joey: You guys okay?Ross:I dunno, it's weird. I mean, I know she's gone, but I just don't feel, uh...Phoebe: Maybe that's 'cause she's not really gone.Ross: Nono, she's gone.Monica: We checked. A lot.Phoebe: Hm, I mean maybe no-one ever really goes. Ever since my mom died, every now and then, I get the feeling that she's like right here, y'know? (She circles her hand around her right shoulder. Chandler, sitting on her right, draws back nervously) Oh! And Debbie, my best friend from junior high- got struck by lightning on a miniature golf course- I always get this really strong Debbie vibe whenever I use one of those little yellow pencils, y'know? ...I miss her. Rachel: Aw. Hey, Pheebs, want this? (Gives her a pencil) Phoebe: Thanks!Rachel: Sure. I just sharpened her this morning.Joey:Now, see, I don't believe any of that. I think once you're dead, you're dead! You're gone! You're worm food! (realises his tactlessness) ...So Chandler looks gay, huh?Phoebe:Y'know, I dunno who this is, but it's not Debbie. (Hands back the pencil)[Scene: Nana's house, Ross, Mrs. Geller and Aunt Lillian are going through clothes.]Ross: I thought it was gonna be a closed casket. 至少她现在有阿公和婶婶陪伴别了，奶奶再见，奶奶罗斯护士怎么了？护士说她已过世了，实际上不是什么?她还没完全过世她还活着，她回来了怎么回事?她可能死了她可能死了?我们也想知道我进去看看这种事几乎不可能发生她过世了我必须要知道是我的头发?对，正是你的头发你有一头同性恋的头发她怎么样了?两次两次?你们还好吧?说不上来，好诡异我知道她已过世但我感觉...或许是因为她还没有不，她过世了我们检查了好多遍或许人不会真正过世我妈死后我偶尔会感觉她就在身旁还有黛此我初中最要好的朋友在打迷你高尔夫时被闪电击中用那枝黄色铅笔时我总感到一股强烈的”心灵感应”我好想念她来，菲此，你要吗?谢谢不客气，早上刚削好的我不信这一套人死了就是死了死了就成了虫的食物Mrs. Geller: Well, that doesn't mean she can't look nice!(They open a cupboard which, amongst other things, contains a chest of drawers)Mrs. Geller: Sweetie, you think you can get in there?Ross: (sarcastic) I don't see why not.(He tries pushing against the chest of drawers. Then he opens one of the drawers and climbs into the closet using that; he falls behind the chest of drawers with a shout.)Ross: Here's my retainer![Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is talking to her father.] Mr. Geller: I was just thinking. When my time comes-Monica: Dad!Mr. Geller: Listen to me! When my time comes, I wanna be buried at sea.Monica: You what?Mr. Geller: I wanna be buried at sea, it looks like fun. Monica: Define fun.Mr. Geller: C'mon, you'll make a day of it! You'll rent a boat, pack a lunch...Monica:...And then we throw your body in the water... Gee, that does sound fun.Mr. Geller:Everyone thinks they know me. Everyone says 'Jack Geller, so predictable'. Maybe after I'm gone, they'll say 'Buried at sea! Huh!'.Monica: That's probably what they'll say.Mr. Geller: I'd like that.[Scene: Chandler's Office, Shelley is drinking coffee; Chandler enters.]Chandler: Hey, gorgeous.Shelley: (sheepish) Hey. Look, I'm sorry about yesterday, I, um- Chandler:No, nono, don't- don't worry about it. Believe me, apparently other people have made the same mistake.Shelley: Oh! Okay! Phew!Chandler: So, uh... what do you think it is about me?Shelley: I dunno, uh... you just have a-a...Chandler: ...Quality, right, great.Shelley: Y'know, it's a shame, because you and Lowell would've made a great couple.Chandler: Lowell? Financial Services' Lowell, that's who you saw me with?Shelley: What? He's cute!Chandler: Well, yeah... 's'no Brian in Payroll.Shelley: Is Brian...?Chandler: No! Uh, I d'know! The point is, if you were gonna set me up with someone, I'd like to think you'd set me up with someone like him.Shelley: Well, I think Brian's a little out of your league. Chandler: Excuse me? You don't think I could get a Brian? Because I 钱德看起来像个同性恋? 我不知道此人是谁但绝对不是黛比我以为要用密封的棺木这并不代表她不能看起来体面一点孩子，你想你能进去吗? 当然可以我的牙齿矫正器我在想我走的时候爸听我说我走的时候我要海葬什么?我要海葬好像挺有意思的定义一下那一天你们会玩得很开心的你们会乘着船带着午餐…然后把你的尸体丢人大海真是有意思每个人都自认为了解我他们都说杰克太一成不变了或许我死后他们会说海葬,哈?他们大概会这么说吧希望如此美女昨天的事很抱歉我别担心相信我，显然别人也犯了相同的错误你认为是我的缘故?我说不上来你就是有那种调调，是哦真可惜因为你和罗尔本来很登对罗尔?会计部门的罗尔你觉得我们很配?有何不可?他很帅他不像布莱恩布莱恩是不是...?重点是如果你想替我配对我希望你会挑他我想你配不上布莱恩对不起你认为我配不上他?could get a Brian. Believe you me. ...I'm really not.[Scene: Nana's Bedroom, Ross is holding a dress out from inside the closet.]Ross: (holding a dress out from inside the closet) This one?Aunt Lillian: No.Ross:I have shown you everything we have. Unless you want your mother to spend eternity in a lemon yellow pant-suit, go with the burgundy. Aunt Lillian: You know, whatever we pick, she would've told us it's the wrong one.Mrs. Geller: You're right. We'll go with the burgundy.Ross: Oh! A fine choice. I'm coming out. (Starts to climb over the furniture)Aunt Lillian: Wait! We need shoes!(Ross falls back inside)Ross: Okay. Um, how about these? (Holds out a pair)Mrs. Geller: That's really a day shoe.Ross: And where she's going everyone else'll be dressier?Aunt Lillian: Could we see something in a slimmer heel?Ross:(forages around) Okay, I have nothing in an evening shoe in the burgundy. I can show you something in a silver that may work.Aunt Lillian: No, it really sh ould be burgundy.Mrs. Geller: Mm. Unless we go with a different dress?Ross: No! Nonono, wait a sec. I may have something in the back. (He finds a shoebox (out of shot), pulls it down and opens it. It is full of Sweet 'n' Lo's.)Ross: Oh my God..Mrs. Geller: Is everything all right, dear?Ross: Yeah, just... just Nana stuff.(He reaches up higher and knocks down another shoebox lid. Sweet 'n' Lo's rain down on him)Commercial Break[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are preparing to leave for the funeral.]Ross: (entering) How we doing, you guys ready?Monica: Mom already called this morning to remind me not to wear my hair up. Did you know my ears are not my best feature?Ross: Some days it's all I can think about.Phoebe: (entering) Hi, sorry I'm late, I couldn't find my bearings. Rachel: Oh, you-you mean your earrings?Phoebe: What'd I say?Rachel: (sticking her foot out) Hm-m.Monica: Are these the shoes?Rachel: Yes. Paolo sent them from Italy.Ross: What, we-uh- we don't have shoes here, or...?Joey: (entering with Chandler) Morning. We ready to go? Chandler: Well, don't we look nice all dressed up?...It's stuff like that, isn't it?(They all leave.) 因为我配得上他相信我我真的配不上这一个?不是我已让你们看过每件衣服除非你们想让她永远穿着柠檬黄长裤配上紫红色衣服不论我们选什么她都会说我们选错了没错，就选紫红色吧不错的选择，我要出来了等等，还缺鞋子这一双如何?这是一双日鞋她去的地方大家会穿得更正式?能找鞋跟细一点的鞋吗?我找不到紫红色的晚鞋不过有双银色的鞋或许适合不行，一定要紫红色除非我们另找一件套装不,等等我看看后面或许有天呀你没事吧，孩子?没事，只是奶奶的东西各位如何?准备好了没?早上妈来电叫我别扎头发你知道我的耳朵并不是我最漂亮的部位吗?有时候我认为是抱歉，我迟到了我找不到我的”耳圈”你是指你的耳环?我刚说什么?你穿这一双?对，保罗从义大利寄来的我们这儿没卖鞋子?早安，准备走了没?穿戴整齐后我们不是都好看许多?人模人样的刚刚的仪式简单而隆重可不是吗过来，心肝你该使用晚霜了[Scene: The cemetary, after the funeral.]Monica: It was a really beautiful service.Mrs. Geller:It really was. Oh, c'mere, sweetheart. (Hugs her) Y'know, I think it might be time for you to start using night cream. (Joey listens to his overcoat for a second and sighs, then notice s Chandler watching)Joey: What?Chandler: Nothing, just your overcoat sounds remarkably like Brent Mussberger.Joey: Check it out, Giants-Cowboys. (He has a pocket TV) Chandler: You're watching a football game at a funeral?Joey: No, it's the pre-game. I'm gonna watch it at the reception. Chandler: You are a frightening, frightening man.(Rachel steps in a patch of mud)Rachel: Oh no! My new Paolo shoes!Ross: Oh, I hope they're not ruined.Phoebe: God, what a great day. ...What? Weather-wise!Ross: I know, uh, the air, the-the trees... even though Nana's gone there's, there's something almost, uh- I dunno, almost life-aff- (Not looking where he is going he falls into an open grave)All: God! Ross!Ross: I'm fine. Just-just... having my worst fear realised... [Scene: The Wake, at the Gellers' house. Ross is lying on his back, with Phoebe squatting over him, checking to see if he's injured.] Phoebe: Okay, don't worry, I'm just checking to see if the muscle's in spasm...huh.Ross: What, what is it?Phoebe: You missed a belt loop.Ross: Oh! No-n-Phoebe: Okay, it's in spasm.Mrs. Geller: Here, sweetie, here. I took these when I had my golfing accident. (Hands Ross a bottle of pills. Then turns to Monica and pats her hair over her ears)(Cut to Chandler and a woman, Andrea, reaching for the same slice of meat)Chandler: Oh, no-Andrea: Sorry- Hi, I'm Dorothy's daughter.Chandler: Hi, I'm Chandler, and I have no idea who Dorothy is. (They shake hands. Cut to Ross emerging from a hallway, grinning inanely. He is obviously very stoned)Phoebe: Hey, look who's up! How do you feel?Ross: I feel great. I feel- great, I fleel great.Monica: Wow, those pills really worked, huh?Ross:Not the first two, but the second two- woooo! ...I love you guys. You guys are the greatest. I love my sister (Kisses Monica), I love Pheebs... (Hugs her)Phoebe: Ooh! That's so nice...Ross: ...Chandler! 怎么了?没什么，你的外套很吵瞧，巨人队对牛仔队你在葬礼时看足球赛? 不，比赛还没开始我要在接待会上看比赛你真是个恶劣的人不，保罗送我的新鞋希望没坏你没事吧?多美好的一天啊什么?我是指天气对，空气，树木即使奶奶已过世就好像...罗斯，你还好吧?罗斯…我没事只是我最大的梦魇终于成真别担心我只是看看你是否肌肉痉挛怎么了?你的皮带穿孔掉了一个是痉挛来，孩子我擦伤时都用这个妈，谢谢抱歉，我叫安朵拉桃乐丝的女儿我叫钱德我不知道桃乐丝是谁看看谁出现了感觉如何?感觉好多了…那些药丸可真有效对，不是第一次那两颗而是后来那两颗我爱你们大家你们是最棒的我爱我的妹妹我爱菲此钱德，我爱你听着，如果你想当同志就当吧我不在乎你说得对瑞秋我最爱你了Mrs. Geller: (reaches out to fiddle with Monica's hair again, and realises) Those earrings look really lovely on you.Monica: Thank you. They're yours.Mrs. Geller: Actually they were Nana's.(There is a cry of disappointment from the crowd of men.)Mr. Geller:Now I'm depressed! ...(To everyone) Even more than I was. [Scene: Central Perk, the gang are looking at old photos.] Rachel: Hey, who's this little naked guy?Ross: That little naked guy would be me.Rachel: Aww, look at the little t hing.Ross: Yes, yes, fine, that is my penis. Can we be grown-ups now? Chandler: Who are those people?Ross: Got me.Monica: Oh, that's Nana, right there in the middle. (Reads the back) 'Me and the gang at Java Joe's'.Rachel:Wow, Monica, you look just like your grandmother. How old was she there?Monica: Let's see, 1939... yeah, 24, 25?Ross: Looks like a fun gang. (They all look at each other and smile) Joey: Ooh, look-look-look-look-look! I got Monica naked!Ross: (looking) Nono, that would be me again. I'm, uh, just trying something.Closing Credits[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler is on a coffee break as Lowell enters.]Chandler: Hey, Lowell.Lowell: Hey, Chandler.Chandler: So how's it going there in Financial Services?Lowell: It's like Mardi Gras without the paper mache heads. How 'bout you?Chandler:Good, good. Listen, heh, I dunno what Shelley told you about me, but, uh... I'm not.Lowell: I know. That's what I told her.Chandler: Really.Lowell: Yeah.Chandler: So- you can tell?Lowell: Pretty much, most of the time. We have a kind of... radar. Chandler: So you don't think I have a, a quality?Lowell: Speaking for my people, I'd have to say no. By the way, your friend Brian from Payroll, he is.Chandler: He is?Lowell: Yup, and waaay out of your league. (Exits)Chandler:Out of my league. I could get a Brian. (Brian enters behind him) If I wanted to get a Brian, I could get a Brian. (Sees him) Hey, Brian.End 这个光屁股的是谁?那个人就是我瞧那个小东西对，那是我的小弟弟成熟点行吗?那些人是谁?可把我问倒了中间那一个是奶奶我看看我和大伙儿摄于在爪哇乔家摩妮卡你和你奶奶长得一模一样当时她几岁?1939年…39年24或25岁他们好像玩得很开心看…光屁股的摩妮卡我看看不，还是我我在尝试新事物罗威钱德会计部门的情况如何?简直一团乱你呢?很好我不知道雪莉如何对你说我这个人但是我不是（同性恋）.我知道，我也是这样告诉她的真的?你看得出来?十之八九我们有某种…雷达这么说你认为我没那种调调代表男同志发言我得说没有对了，你朋友布莱恩,他是他是?而且你配不上他我配不上他我可以得到布莱恩如果我愿意你好,布莱恩。

115 The One With the Stoned Guy[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is serving Joey, Ross, and Monica their drinks.]Rachel: (to Joey) Coffee. (Hands it to him.)Joey: Thank you.Rachel: (to Ross) Cappuccino. (Hands it to him.)Ross: Grazie.Rachel: And a nice hot cider for Monica. (Hands it to her.) Monica: Aww, thank you. (Notices something.) Uh Rach?Rachel: Yeah?Monica: Why does my cinamon stick have an eraser?Rachel: Oh! That's why. (Rachel checks behind her ear, and finds a cinamon stick.) I'm sorry!(She takes the pencil out of Monica's coffee and Monica puts her cup down in disgust.)Opening Credits[Scene: Chandler's job, Chandler is typing data into his computer, he keeps typing even while taking a drink of coffee with one hand. One of his co-workers walks by.]Woman: Chandler.Chandler: Mrs. Tedlock. You're looking lovely today. And may I say, that is a very flattering sleeve length on you.Mrs. Tedlock:Yes. Well, Mr. Kostelick wants you to stop by his office at the end of the day.Chandler:Oh, listen. If this is about those prank memos, I had nothing to do with them. Really. Nothing at all. Really. (Chandler tries to hide a rubber chi cken from the woman.) Nothing.[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there but Chandler. Phoebe runs in, excitedly.]Phoebe:Hey you guys! Chandler's coming and he says he has, like, this incredible news, so when he gets here, we could all act like, you know...(Chandler comes in.)Chandler: Hey!All: Hey!Phoebe: Never mind. But it was going to be really good.Ross: What's going on?All: What is it?Chandler: So, it's a typical day at work. I'm inputting my numbers, and big Al calls me into his office and tells me he wants to make me processing supervisor.All: That's great!Chandler: So.... I quit.All: Why?Chandler: Why? This was supposed to be a temp job!Monica: Yeah, Chandler... you've been there for five years. 115 大麻客咖啡谢谢卡布其诺摩妮卡的热苹果酒谢谢瑞秋为何我的肉桂棒上有橡皮擦?这就是原因，对不起钱德泰小姐，你今天真漂亮我能说这件衣服真好看吗?当然制片：陶德史帝芬科先生希望你在下班后能到他办公室去如果他是为搞笑备忘录不是我干的，真的…导演：亚伦梅尔森各位，钱德说他有天大好的消息所以他来的时候我们就…算了但一定是好消息到底怎么了…今天和平常没什么两样我在输人数字时艾尔叫我到他办公室说他要我当电脑处理的主管真是太好了恭喜...所以我就辞职不干了为什么?为什么?因为这只是暂时的工作钱德，你已在公司五年了我知道，但接受升职不就承认这就是我的目的这那不是能赚更多钱?我不在乎我不想成为坐在办公室到午夜担心”WEENUS”的人WEENUS?”我们估计净值使用系统”这是电脑处理的术语那个啊你有何打算?我也不知道该怎么办我只知道我不会再待在那儿工作了我有一份你可以做的工作It's this, it's this cute little place on 10th Street. Not too big, not too small. Just right.Chandler: Was it formerly owned by a blonde woman and some bears? Monica:So anyway, I'm cooking dinner for him Monday night. You know, kind of like an audition. And Phoebe, he really wants you to be here, which will be great for me because then you can 'ooh' and 'ahh' and make yummy noises.Rachel: What are you going to make?Phoebe: (as though Rachel wasn't paying attention) Yummy noises. Rachel: (pause) And Monica, what are you going to make?Monica: I don't know. I don't know. It's just going to be so great! Phoebe: Ooh! I know what you could make! (runs over to join Monica and Rachel in the kitchen) I know! Oh, you should definitely make that thing... you know, with the stuff? (Monica doesn't know.) You know, that thing... with the stuff...? OK, I don't know. (sits down) Ross:Hey guys, does anybody know a good date place in the neighborhood?Joey:How about Tony's? If you can finish a 32-ounce steak, it's free. Ross:OK, ahem, hey, does anybody know a good place if you're not dating a puma?Chandler: Who are you going out with?Phoebe: Oh, is this the bug lady?Rachel: (trying to sound like a bug) Bzzzz.... I love you, Ross. Ross:Her name is Celia. She's not a bug lady. She's curator of insects at the museum.Rachel: So what are you guys going to do?Ross: Oh, I just thought we could go out to dinner, and then maybe bring her back to my place and I'd introduce her to my monkey. Chandler: And he's not speaking metaphorically.Joey:(aside to Ross) So.... back to your place...you thinking, maybe... (gestures with hands, back and forth) huh-huh?Ross: Well, I don't know.... (gestures) huh-huh.... but I'm hoping (gestures) huh-huh.Joey: I'm telling you, that monkey is a chick magnet! She's going to take one look at his furry, cute little face and it'll seal the deal. [Scene: Ross's apartment, Marcel is hanging from Celia's hair, and she is screaming, trying to get him off.]Ross: Celia, don't worry! Don't scream! He's not going to hurt you! Soothing tones, Celia. Soothing tones! Marcel...Celia: I can't stand this! He's got his claws in my...Ross: Alright... (lifts Marcel away)[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is there but Ross and Chandler. Monica is making food, and having everyone try it.]Monica: (to Joey) OK, try this salmon mousse.Joey: (tasting) Mmmm. Good.Monica: Is it better than the other salmon mousse?Joey: It's creamier.Monica: Yeah, well, is that better? 发出好吃的声音摩妮卡，你要做什么菜?我也不知道但一定会很棒的我知道你可以做什么了你可以做…我也不知道各位，谁知道附近有约会的绝佳地点? 东尼餐厅如何?吃下32盎斯的牛排就免费谁知道和美洲豹约会哪儿是好地点?你要和谁约会?是昆虫女?我爱你，罗斯她叫希莉亚，不是昆虫女她是昆虫博物馆的主任你们打算如何共渡?出去吃晚餐后带她回我的住处介绍我的猴子给她认识他没用暗示回你的住处?你想我不知道…我希望…告诉你，那猴子是魅力十足她看见它那毛绒绒可爱的小脸然后一切就搞定希莉亚，别担心，别叫它不会伤害你的用安抚的语调抱歉…它不会伤害你的来…要来一些吗?我受不了了它的爪子....乖..试试这鲑鱼慕斯好吃比其他的鲑鱼慕斯好吃?更滑更柔是吗?更好?我不知道我们在谈一条搅成泡沫的鱼我能不吐出来就已经不错了天啊，你怎么了?8个半小时的性向测验智力测验，个性测验我了解什么?你适合在大型跨国公司资料处理部门方面发展这太好了因为你已知道该如何做Celia: Yes...Ross: Ah....Celia: Say something..... hot.Ross: (panicked) Er.... um.....Celia: What?Ross: Um... uh.... vulva.Commercial Break[Scene: Chandler and J oey's, Joey and Ross are there, discussing what happened last night.]Joey: (in disbelief) Vulva?Ross:Alright, I panicked, alright? She took me by surprise. You know, but it wasn't a total loss. I mean, we ended up cuddling.Joey: (sarcastic) Whoaa!! You cuddled? How many times??Ross:Shut up! It was nice. I just... I don't think I'm the dirty-talking kind of guy, you know?Joey: What's the big deal? You just say what you want to do to her. Or what you want her to do to you. Or what you think other people might be doing to each other. I'll tell you what. Just try something on me. Ross: (deadpan) Please be kidding.Joey: Why not? Come on! Just, just close your eyes and tell me what you'd like to be doing right now.Ross: OK. (closes eyes) I'm in my apartment...Joey: ....yeah... what else?Ross: That's it. I'm in my apartment, you're not there, we're not having this conversation. (gets up, walks across room)Joey: (walks to catch up to him) Alright, look, I'll start, OK? Ross: Joey, please.Joey: Come on. Come on. Alright, ready, look! (in a low voice) Oh... Ross.... you get me so hot. I want your lips on me now.Ross: (impressed) Wow.Joey: Alright, now you say something.Ross: I... ahem... I really don't think so.Joey: Come on! You like this woman, right?Ross: Yeah.Joey: You want to see her again, right?Ross: Sure.Joey: Well if you can't talk dirty to me, how're you going to talk dirty to her? Now tell me you want to caress my butt!Ross:OK, turn around. (Joey looks taken aback) I just don't want you staring at me when I'm doing this.Joey: (turning around) Alright, alright. I'm around. Go ahead. Ross:Ahem... I want.... OK, I want to... feel your... hot, soft skin with my lips.Joey: There you go! Keep going. Keep going!Ross: I, er...(At this point, Chandler walks into the living room from his bedroom. Ross and Joey both have their backs to him, so they don't notice. Chandler sees the situation and remains quiet, watching.) 闭嘴，那种感觉好好我不是那种讲狠亵话的人有什么了不起你只要说出你想对她如何或是你想她对你如何或是别人想对彼此如何这样吧，对我说吧开什么玩笑有何不可，快只要闭上眼睛告诉我现在你想干什么好吧…我在我的住处然后呢？就这样我在我的住处而你不在好吧，讲我来拜托准备好没?听着罗斯你让我欲火焚身我要你舔我该你了我看还是算了吧快嘛，你喜欢她吧?喜欢想再见到她吗?当然如果你无法对我说出狠亵的话你如何对她说呢?说你想爱抚我的屁股好吧，转过去我不想你盯着我看好吧，我不看，说吧我要...用我的双唇感觉你那光滑的皮肤这就对了，继绩我要用我的舌头…快说啊快说舔遍你的全身直到你颤抖…然后呢？真好笑你不会相信的没关系，我一向赞成你们交往钱德你睡觉时老东家又打电话来又打来?一直打...又打来了又是他Ross: I want to take my tongue... and...(Chandler is completely astounded.)Ross: ....and....Joey: Say it... say it!Ross:...run it all over your body until you're... trembling with... with...(Chandler leans back against the wall and Ross and Joey hear him. Ross and Joey both notice at the same time. They slowly stop, and then very slowly turn around to see Chandler staring at them.)Chandler: (smiling)....with??Ross: (rushing to explain) Funny story!Joey: You're not going to believe this!Chandler: It's OK. It's OK. I was always rooting for you two kids to get together.Joey: Hey Chandler, while you were sleeping that guy from your old job called again.Chandler: Again?Joey: And again, and again, and again... (phone rings, he answers) Hello? (hands phone to Chandler) And again.Chandler: (on phone) Hey Mr. Kostelic! How's life on the fifteenth floor? (Listens) Yeah, I miss you too. (Listens) Yeah, it's a lot less satisfying to steal pens from your own home, you know? (Listens) Well, that's very generous (Listens) er, but look, this isn't about the money. I need something that's more than a job. I need something I can really care about.... (Listens) And that's on top of the yearly bonus structure you mentioned earlier? (Listens) Look, Al, Al... I'm not playing hardball here, OK? This is not a negotiation, this is a rejection! (Listens) No! No! No, stop saying numbers! I'm telling you, you've got the wrong guy! You've got the wrong guy! (Listens) I'll see you on Monday! (slams the phone down)[Scene: Chandler's new window office, he is showing Phoebe around.] Chandler: Well?Phoebe:(excited) Wow! It's huge! It's so much bigger than the cubicle. Oh, this is a cube.Chandler: Look at this! (he opens the curtain to a view of New York City)Phoebe: Oh! You have a window!Chandler:Yes indeedy! (they look outside) With a beautiful view of... Phoebe: Oh look! That guy's peeing!Chandler:(walks away from window) OK, that's enough of the view. Check this out, look at this. Sit down, sit down.Phoebe: (sitting) OK.Chandler:This is great! (he presses a button on his intercom) Helen, could you come in here for a moment?(An unamused woman walks into the office.)Chandler: Thank you Helen, that'll be all.(She leaves, obviously perturbed.)Chandler: Last time I do that, I promise. 科先生，15楼的情况如何?我也想念你对，偷家里的笔比较不刺激你真慷慨，但这不是钱的问题我需要的不只是一份工作我要的是我真正想要的这是你稍早提过的年终红利之外的津贴? 你的梦想…艾尔，我不故意为难你这不是交涉，这叫拒绝不，别再讲数字了告诉你，你看错人了星期一见好大比小格间大多了这才像话看你有窗户没错，还有美丽的风…看，有人在小便风景看够了看这个坐下这个最酷，准备好没?好了海伦，能进来一下吗?谢谢你，海伦，没事了最后一次了，我保证温蒂，你答应过我温蒂…谁啊温蒂丢下我不管我没服务生了真是太糟糕了再见一小时十元不干小时十二元我希望可以但我已经计划好去走走瑞秋你逃婚之后我一直关心你我让你有地方住如果这样对你仍毫无意义…一小时二十元成交欢迎光临，我能拿你的外套吗?史帝头[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is on the phone. Rachel walks in and overhears the conversation.]Monica:(shouting on phone) Wendy, we had a deal! (Listens) Yeah, you promised! Wendy! Wendy! Wendy! (hangs up)Rachel: Who was that?Monica: Wendy bailed. I have no waitress.Rachel: Oh... that's too bad. Bye bye. (she wal ks away towards the door)Monica: Ten dollars an hour.Rachel: No.Monica: Twelve dollars an hour.Rachel: Mon. I wish I could, but I've made plans to walk around. Monica:You know, Rachel, when you ran out of your wedding, I was there for you. I put a roof over your head, and if that means nothing to you... (Rachel isn't buying it, desperate) twenty dollars an hour. Rachel: Done.[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, later. Rachel is waitressing, Monica is cooking. Phoebe walks in with Steve (Crystal Duck winner Jon Lovitz).] Rachel: Well hello! Welcome to Monica's. May I take your coat? Monica: Hi Steve!Steve: Hello, Monica. (to Rachel) Hello, greeter girl.Monica: (to Steve) This is Rachel.Steve: (unconcerned) Yeah, OK.Phoebe:(overemphasizing) Mmmmmm! Everything smells so delicious! You know, I can't remember a time I smelt such a delicious combination of (Monica signals her to stop) of, OK, smells.Steve: It's a lovely apartment.Monica: Oh, thank you. Would you like a tour?Steve: I was just being polite, but, alright.(They leave on the tour and Rachel goes to follow them but Phoebe stops her and drags her into the kitchen.)Rachel: What's up?Phoebe: (whispers) In the cab, on the way over, Steve blazed up a doobie.Rachel: What?Phoebe: Smoked a joint? You know, lit a bone? Weed? Hemp? Ganja? Rachel: OK, OK. I'm with you, Cheech. OK.Steve: (from the living room) Is it dry in here? (licks his lips) Rachel: Let me, let me get you some wine!Monica: Yeah, I think we're ready for our first course. (Steve sits, Monica brings over a tray) OK, um, these are rot-shrimp ravioli, and celantro pondou sauce... (Steve starts to eat them one by one, quickly)... with just a touch of mints... and... (he finishes)... ginger.Steve: Well, smack my ass and call me Judy! These are fantastic! Monica: I'm so glad you liked them!Steve: Like 'em? I could eat a hundred of them!Monica: Oh, well... um, that's all there are of these. But in about 摩妮卡，招待小姐她叫瑞秋味道好香我早已忘记这种…香味这房子真漂亮谢谢，想参观一下吗?我只是客套一下但,好吧怎么了?他坐计程车来时燃了一根草什么?抽了一根大麻…好了，我懂我知道了这里很干燥吗?我来为你倒杯酒我们可以上第一道菜了这些是石虾小方饺芫萎调味酱加上一点点…碎姜打我屁股叫我芙蒂真是太好吃了我真高兴你喜欢喜欢?我可以吃下上百个只有这一些但再过8分半钟我们就会献上美味的洋葱馅饼馅饼...文字都已失去意义请问需要任何帮忙吗?我也不知道自己在找什么酷，墨西哥馅饼这个就像是玉米卷你不该影响食欲糖欧再等6分钟半干酪通心面我们一定要做这个不，我们不做抱歉我们何不坐这儿小熊软糖给我不给我好吧，分你一半不小熊给我你不能抢走eight and a half minutes, we'll be serving some delicious onion tartlets.Steve: Tartlets. Tartlets. Tartlets. The word has lost all meaning. (he get s up and goes into the kitchen)Rachel: Excuse me? Can I help you with anything?Steve: You know, I don't know what I'm looking for.(Rachel tries to get Monica's attention to tell her Steve is stoned. She pretends to drag on a joint, and Monica thinks she's giving her the 'OK' signal. Then Rachel does it again, inhaling deeply this time. Monica waves it off as though she doesn't believe it.)Steve: (from kitchen) Ah, cool! Taco shells! (Rachel motions, "You see!") You know, these are... they're like a little corn envelope. Monica: (joining him and taking the taco shells) You know that? You don't want to spoil your appetite.Steve: (looking in cabinets) Hey! Sugar-O's! (grabs the cereal box) Monica:You know, if you just wait another... six and a half minutes... Steve: Macaroni and cheese! We gotta make this!Monica: No, we don't. (reaches for box)Steve: Oh, OK. (he drops the box on the floor) Oh, sorry. (When she bends down to pick it up he grabs a package of Gummi-bears from the cabinet.)Monica: Why don't you just have a seat here? (he sits at the table, then tries to secretly eat the Gummi-bears. Monica spots him.) OK... give me the Gummi-bears.Steve: (childishly) No.Monica: Give them to me.Steve: Alright, we'll share.Monica: No, give me the...Steve: Well then you can't have any. (she grabs for the package, and it breaks open. Gummi-bears fly everywhere, some into the punch bowl on the table.) Bear overboard! I think he's drowning. (he throws some Sugar-O's into the punch bowl) Hey fellows! Grab on a Sugar-O... save yourself! (Mimicking the bears) "Help! I'm drowning! Help!" Monica: (furious) That's it! Dinner is over!Steve: What?Monica: What?Steve: Why?Monica:Why? It's just that I've waited seven years for an opportunity like this, and you can't even wait four and a half minutes for a stupid onion tartlet?(The oven goes off.)Steve: (excited) Hey![Scene: Central Perk, all are there except Chandler.]Joey: What a tool!Rachel: You don't want to work for a guy like that.Ross: Yeah!Monica: I know... it's just... I thought this was, you know... it. Ross: Look, you'll get there. You're an amazing chef. 不，给我不小熊落水了，他们快淹死了抓住糖欧逃命啊救命啊....我淹水了我受够了，晚餐结束什么？什么？为什么?为什么?这机会我已等了七年而你却等不了四分半钟之后再吃洋葱馅饼真是个王八蛋你不会想为那种人工作的我知道我以为我的机会来了你会成功的你是个了不起的厨师记得那些赞美的声音?我不是装的和希莉亚的状况如何?我简直是太神了干得好我就像是詹姆斯密奇尼一样满口狠亵的话天下最具巧思的狠亵话有人物，剧情，主题其中一段的主角是村夫与村姑然后呢?狠亵话讲完后已经很晚了而且我们也已精疲力竭所以…你们爱抚？那种感觉好好你们想看晚场电影吗？好或许吧，但我们不是该等钱德？他到底跑哪儿去了?对，法兰，我知道现在几点但我看着WENUS而且我相当不高兴真的?告诉你吧你会在乎的，因为我在乎懂吗?很好这样如何?不好意思,这边那?明白拉,这就说明有效果了.痛不痛?不痛.这样呢?Aaaaahhh!!高中英语《Frinds老友记》第1季中英文对照完整剧本115 The One With theStoned Guy素材。

123 The One With the Birth[Scene: The hospital, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are in the waiting room, waiting for Carol and Susan to arrive.] Ross: She's not here yet. She's not here. She's having my baby and she's not here.Monica: I'm sure everything's fine. Has her water broke yet? Ross:I don't know, but when I spoke to h er, she said she had already passed the mucus plug.(Joey makes a sound of absolute disgust.)Joey: Do we have to know about that?Monica: Joey, what are you gonna do when you have a baby?Joey: I'm gonna be in the waitin' room, handing out cigars. Chandler: Yes, Joey's made arrangements to have his baby in a movie from the 50's.Ross:God, I don't believe this. She could be giving birth in the cab. Rachel:Oh, Ross, relax. It's probably like two dollars for the first contraction, and then fifty cents for each additional contraction. (Everyone looks at Rachel as though she made a tasteless comment.) Rachel: What, it's ok when Chandler does it?Chandler: You have to pick your moments.(Phoebe arrives, guitar in hand.)Phoebe: Did I miss it, did I miss it?Ross: She's not even here yet.Monica: What's with the guitar?Phoebe: I just thought we might be here for awhile. You know, things might get musical.(Carol and Susan arrive.)Ross: (to Carol) Where the hell have you been?Susan: We stopped at the gift shop.Carol: I was looking at stuffed animals, and Susan wanted a Chunky. Ross:Susan wanted a Chunky. We're having a baby, ok, a baby, you don't stop for Chunky s.Chandler: I used to have that bumper sticker.(Everyone is amused by Chandler's comment.)Chandler: (to Rachel) You see what I mean.Opening Credits[Scene: Carol's Hospital Room, Carol is on the bed, Ross and Susan are at her side.]Ross: Stopped for a Chunky.Carol: Let it go, Ross.Susan: I got an extra one. You want this? (holds the candy in front of Ross' face)Ross: (weakly) No.(Carol's doctor, Dr. Franzblau arrives.)Dr. Franzblau: Hey, how's my favorite parenting team doing? Ross: Dr. Franzblau, hi. 123 本出世强森大夫，七线电话她还没来她将生下我的小孩却还没来不会有事的她的羊水破了吗?我不知道她和我通话时说她已分泌粘液我们需要知道这一些吗?乔伊，你有小孩时你会怎么做?我会在等待室中送雪茄乔伊准备让他孩子出生在50年代的电影中我不敢相信她可能会在计程车中生产罗斯，冷静点第一次收缩收费二块钱之后每收缩一次收五毛钱什么?钱德这样说时就没事你得选对时间我错过了吗?没有，她根本还没出现干嘛带吉他来?我想我们会在这儿待一阵子来点音乐你到底上哪儿去了?我们中途在礼品店待了一会儿买什么?我想买填充玩具苏珊想买”矮胖”苏珊要矮胖?她就快生小宝宝了是小宝宝不能中途下车买矮胖我过去也用那个汽车贴纸懂我意思吗?下车买矮胖别介意了，罗斯我多了一个，想要吗?不想我最喜爱的父母团队好法大头我了解你们在考虑生宝宝的事我知道你已怀胎九月这是好的开始收缩的情况如何?我喜欢每一阵都像是子宫中的小舞会我喜欢每一阵都像是子宫中的小舞会制片：陶德史帝芬59秒，石英表瑞士石英表我能喝饮料吗?碎冰，只能喝碎冰护士站有我去拿Dr. Franzblau:So, I understand you're thinking of having a baby? Well, I see you're nine months pregnant. That's a good start. How you doing with your contractions?Carol: Oh, I love them. Each one's like a little party in my uterus. Susan: They're every four minutes and last 55 seconds.Ross: 59 seconds. (holds up his watch) Quartz, ha.Susan: Swiss quartz, ha, ha.Carol: Am I allowed to drink anything?Dr. Franzblau: Ice chips, just ice chips. They're at the nurses' station.Ross: I'll get it.Susan: No, I'm getting it. I'll be right back.Ross: I got it—I'm getting it!(They both leave just as Rachel en ters the room, holding a cup.) Rachel: Hi, I thought you might like some ice chips.Carol: Th anks.Rachel: And if you need anything else, I—(notices the handsome Dr. Franzblau)—do not believe we've met. Hi. I'm, uh, Rachel Green. I'm Carol's... ex-husband's... sister's roommate.Dr. Franzblau: It is nice to meet you. I'm Dr. Franzblau. I'm your roommate's... brother's... ex-wife's obstetrician.Rachel: Oh, that's funny![Scene: The Waiting Room, Chandler is falling asleep on Monica's shoulder.]Monica: I want a baby.Chandler: Mmmm. Not tonight, honey. I got an early day tomorrow. Monica: Get up. Come on. Let's get some coffee.Chandler: Oh, ok, 'cause we never do that.(Chandler and Monica leave. Cut to Joey, watching the Knicks/Celtics game on television.)Joey: (to the screen) Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! Shoot, or just fall down. That's good too.(A young pregnant woman enters.)Lydia: Knick fan?Joey: Oh, yeah.Lydia: Oh, boy, do they suck.Joey: Hey, listen, lady....(sees that she's pregnant)...whoa. Lydia: Look, look at your man, Ewing. Nice shot. You know what, he couldn't hit water if he was standing on a boat.Joey: Oh yeah? And who do you like?Lydia: The Celtics.Joey:The Celtics? Ha. They couldn't hit a boat if...wait. They suck, alright?Lydia: Oh, shut up. You know, it's a rebuilding year. You... waah! Joey:Wha? Wha..aa? Let me get the father. Hey, we need a father over here! We need a father!Lydia: There is no father.Joey: Oh, oh, oh, sorry. 不，我去，马上回来不，我去…我想你或许想喝碎冰谢谢如果还需要别的…我没见过吧? 我叫瑞秋格林卡萝前任丈夫妹抹的室友幸会，我是法大夫你室友哥哥前妻的医生真有趣我要个宝宝今晚不行，亲爱的我明天得早起起来，我们去买咖啡好吧，因为我们没做过投…或是不进也行尼克迷?他们烂透了女士看，你的尤恩，漂亮他连坐在船上都投不进水里是吗?你支持谁?是吗?你支持谁?他们无法投进船…反正他们很烂闭嘴，今年是重建年•，我帮你孩子的爹我们这儿需要爸爸…他没有爸爸抱歉没关系，我没事这边洼所有的孕妇似乎都往这儿走他们又小又肉摸起来感觉很好不久他们长大后就会开始恨你现在他们对你大吼大叫你不知原因为何你不知原因为何谢谢，罗斯用来叫你停止的好吧看，是双胞胎，好可爱不公平，我一个都没有他们怎会有两个?你也会有的是吗?什么时候?好吧，告诉你我们40岁时如果都还单身我们就一起生一个，如何?为何我40岁时还单身?不，这只是假设假设为何我到40岁时还单身?Lydia: Ok, that's ok. I'm fine. I'm... oh!Joey: Oh, uh, ok. Right this way. All the other pregnant women seem to be goin' in here.Lydia: Ok.(Joey accompanies Lydia to a hospital room.)[Scene: The Waiting Room, Phoebe is playing a song. Chandler, Monica, and Ross are there as well.]Phoebe: (singing)They're tiny and chubby and so sweet to touch,and soon they'll grow up and resent you so much.Now they're yelling at you and you don't know why,you cry and you cry and you cry.And you cry and you cry and you cry...(Ross gives Phoebe a dollar.)Phoebe: Thanks, Ross.Ross: Yeah. I'm paying you to stop.Phoebe: Ok.(A woman passes by, carrying newborn twins.)Phoebe: Oh, look, twins. Hi, guys. Oh, cute, cute.Monica: No fair. I don't even have one. How come they get two? Chandler: You'll get one.Monica: Oh yeah? When?Chandler: All right. I'll tell you what. When we're 40, if neither one of us are married, what do you say you and I get together and have one?Monica: Why won't I be married when I'm 40?Chandler: Oh, no, no. I just meant hypothetically.Monica: Ok, hypothetically, why won't I be married when I'm 40? Chandler: No, no, no.Monica:What is it? Is there something fundamentally unmarriable about me?Chandler: (trapped) Uh, uh.Monica: Well?Chandler:Dear God! This parachute is a knapsack! (throws himself over the back of the chair he was sitting in)(Rachel enters, in a formal dress.)Rachel: Hey.Phoebe: Hey. Ooh, look at you, dressy-dress.Monica: Did you go home and change?Rachel:Yeah, well, it's an important day. I wanna look nice. Um, has uh Dr. F ranzblau been by?Monica: No, I haven't seen him.Rachel: Well, where is he? He is supposed to be here. (Pause) What if the baby needs him?Chandler:Rachel, what is the deal with you and doctors, anyway? Was, like, your father a doctor?Rachel: Yeah, why?Chandler:No reason. (turns around, makes an 'Oh my God' gesture with 假设为何我到40岁时还单身?我有不适婚姻的毛病吗?这降落伞是个背包看你，盛装登场你回家换衣服?今天是个重要的日子我想漂亮一点法大夫…不，我们还没见到他他在哪儿?他应该在这儿的万一小孩需要他怎么办?瑞秋，你和医生到底是怎么了难道你爸也是个医生?对，干嘛问?没理由没理由不，我不找他我不管这是不是他的孩子他是个大浑蛋不，我不是一个人乔伊在这儿什么意思?乔伊什么?什么意思?乔伊什么?对，等等，她要跟你谈对，等等，她要跟你谈对，是我不，我们只是朋友对，我单身25岁，演员她不擅于讲电话孩子的爸怎么了?如果有人即将生下我的孩子我会想知道的尼克迷你对爸爸的观点我不在乎或许吧祝你好运保重了你知道塞尔提克有什么问题?他们让球员经营球队这不是真的他们让球员经营球队这不是真的他们让球员经营球队这不是真的你们会窖死我的剩15秒14，13，12数4央点你会没事，记得这样做全是为了裘帝将全力集中在裘帝裘帝到底是谁?你儿子不，我不要我儿子叫裘帝我们协议过，我儿子叫洁米洁米是苏珊第一任女友的名字所以我们决定还是用裘帝这是什么意思?his eyes)[Scene: Joey and Lydia in the hospital room. Lydia is on the phone with her mother.]Lydia:Mom, we've been through this. No, I'm not calling him. I don't care if it is his kid, the guy's a jerk. No, I'm not alone. Joey's here. (pause) What do you mean, Joey who? (covers the phone, to Joey) Joey who?Joey: Tribbiani.Lydia: Joey Tribbiani. Yes, ok. Hold on. (to Joey) She wants to talk to you. Take the phone.Joey: (takes phone) Hi, yeah, it's me. (Listens) Oh, no no no, we're just friends. (Listens) Yeah, I'm single. (Listens) 25. (Listens) An actor. (Listens) Hello?Lydia: She's not much of a phone person.Joey: Yeah, so, uh, so, uh, what's the deal with this father guy, I mean, if someone was havin' my baby somewhere, I'd wanna know about it, you know?Lydia: Hey, Knick fan, am I interested in your views on fatherhood? Uh, no.Joey: Ok, look, maybe I should just go.Lydia: Maybe you should.Joey: Good luck, and uh, take care, huh?(He leaves, but then returns a moment later.)Joey: You know what the Celtics problem is? They let the players run the team.Lydia: Oh, that is so not true.Joey: Oh, it is.Lydia: It isn't.Joey: It is.Lydia: Isn't![Scene: Carol's Hospital Room, Ross and Susan are coaching Carol.] Ross: Bre athe.Susan: Breathe.Ross: Breathe.Susan: Breathe.Ross: Breathe.Susan: Breathe.Carol: You're gonna kill me!Ross: 15 more seconds, 14, 13, 12...Carol: Count faster.Susan: It's gonna be ok, just remember, we're doing this for Jordie. Just keep focusing on Jordie.Ross: Who the hell is Jordie?Susan: Your son.Ross: No-no-no. I don't have a son named Jordie. We all agreed, my son's name is Jamie.Carol: Well, Jamie was the name of Susan's first girlfriend, so we went back to Jordie. 我们根本没讨论过裘帝我们讨论过洁希寇帝，迪伦时提到一下我脚抽筋我脚抽筋你和她睡觉我来处理抽筋你不行够了，你们都给我出去什么?是她引起的…我不管，我想生下小孩你们在这儿根本是愈帮愈忙卿走卿走出去出去怎么了?有东西爆炸了她破水了冷静点，行吗?她破水了?什么意思?什么是破水?什么是破水?拜托，都是你的错怎么说?为什么都是我的错?你们在一起之前卡萝从未把我赶出房间是吗?我出现之前有许多事卡萝没做过是吗?我出现之前有许多事卡萝没做过知道你的问题出在哪儿吗?你因我而感到岌岌可危我说的每件事都是问题我因你而感到岌岌可危?你到底在说什么?够了，进去，快我简直不敢相信你们两个小宝宝即将诞生在这栋建筑他听见的第一个声音不该是你们的吵闹声所以你们别再吵了对，苏珊别让我再发一次脾气我不喜欢我自己这样谁想听反讽的事?救命啊…我的宝宝就要诞生你们都退后你们都退后你们都退后找到人之前我们都会在这儿陪你的你告诉我巴黎的事真棒真的?那家糕饼店就在我住的饭店隔壁真的?那家糕饼店就在我住的饭店隔壁Ross: What? Whoa, whoa whoa whoa, what do you mean, back to Jordie? We never landed on Jordie. We just passed by it during the whole Jessy, Cody, Dylan fiasco.Carol: Ow, ow, ow, ow, leg cramp, leg cramp, leg cramp.Ross: I got it.Susan: I got it.Ross: I got it! Hey, you get to sleep with her, I get the cramps. Susan: No, you don't.Carol: All right, that's it. I want both of you out.Ross: Why?Susan: He started it!Ross: No, you started it.Susan: You did!Carol: I don't care. I am trying to get a person out of my body here, and you're not making it any easier.Ross: But...Carol: Now go!Ross: (to Susan) Thanks a lot.Susan: (to Ross) See what you did.Ross: (to Carol) Yeah, listen...Carol: Out!(Ross and Susan both angrily leave the hopsital room.)[Scene: Lydia's Hospital Room, Joey is helping Lydia go through labor, a nurse is now present in her room as well.]Nurse: Breathe, breathe, breathe...Lydia: Oh, no.(Joey looks down at Lydia.)Joey: Ew! What is that? Something exploded!Nurse: It's just her water breaking. Calm down, will you?Joey:(panicked) Water breaking, what do you mean? What's that, water breaking?Nurse: (to Joey) Breathe, breathe, breathe.[Scene: The Hall, Ross and Susan are arguing.]Ross: Please. This is so your fault.Susan: How, how is this my fault?Ross:Look, Carol never threw me out of a room before you came along. Susan: Yeah? Well, there's a lot of things Carol never did before I came along.Ross: You tryin' to be clever? A funny lady?Susan: You know what your problem is? You're threatened by me. Ross: Oh, I'm threatened by you?Susan: Yes.(Phoebe has heard them arguing and comes dow n the hall, taking them into a broom closet.)Phoebe: Hey, hey, ok, all right, that's it! Get in here. Come on. My god, you guys, I don't believe you. There are children coming into the world in this very building and your negative fighting noises are not the first thing they should be hearing. So just stop all the 加油，莉迪亚，你办得到加油，莉迪亚，你办得到我只是…我只是…你想干嘛?将门吸开?你想干嘛?将门吸开?最后他们终于发现他们的尸体不，妈，一切顺利对，罗斯很好他在其他地方不，他不见了不，你们不用飞回来我唯一的机会?什么意思?别再说了，行吗?我才26岁我连小孩的事都没想过你上哪儿去了?我刚生了个小孩了不起说不定，或许是一小时也可能是三小时别请放心，她的状况良好告诉我，目前有对象吗?没有，现在没有你呢?没有，我不容易找到对象对，我听过有关帅哥大夫的传间没有，真的我想和我工作有关我试着不让工作影响我的生活如果你是我你从事什么工作?我是服务生难道你下班回家后不会觉得…如果我再看见咖啡杯…我懂我去看看你朋友你怎么会知道我在这儿?你妈打电话告诉我的这就是她?不，这是我捡来的抱歉，让你自己承担这一切我不是自己一个我有大夫，护士和善心人士知道谁赢吗?尼克胜十分他们好烂是吗?他们没那么差劲可恶…都是你的错这本来是我今生最快乐的日子我儿子即将出世我应该在那儿的yelling, just stop it!Ross: Yeah, Susan.Phoebe:Don't make me do this again, I don't like my voice like this. (Phoebe goes to leave the room, but the door is locked.)Phoebe: Ok, who wants to hear something ironic?Commercial Break[Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross and Susan are trying to get out.] All: Help!Ross: I'm having a baby in here! Ok, everyone stand back. (Walks backwards as if he is going to break down the door, but steps in a bucket and falls) Ow.[Scene: Carol's room, Rachel and Dr. Franzblau are there with her.] Carol: Are they here yet?Rachel:No, honey, they're not, but don't worry, because we are going to find them, and until we do, we are all here for you, ok?Carol: Ok.Rachel: Ok?Carol: Ok.Rachel: (to Dr. Franzblau) Ok, so anyway, you were telling me about Paris, it sounds fascinating.Dr. Franzblau:It really was. There was this great little pastry shop right by my hotel. (Carol sits up in pain, Rachel and Dr. Franzblau casually lay her back down) There you go, dear.[Scene: Lydia's Room, Joey is helping her deliver.]Joey:Come on, Lydia, you can do it. Push! Push 'em out, push 'em out, harder, harder. Push 'em out, push 'em out, way out! Let's get that ball and really move, hey, hey, ho, ho. Let's— (notices the nurse looking at him strangely) I was just—yeah, right. Push! Push! [Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross has picked up a vacuum and is holding it at the door.]Susan: What're you gonna do, suck the door open?Ross: Help! Help!Phoebe:(singing) They found their bodies the very next day, they found their bodies the very next...(sees Ross and Susan staring at her) la la la la la la.Susan and Ross: (even louder) Help![Scene: The Waiting Room, Monica is on the phone with her mother, Chandler is standing behind her.]Monica: Now, Mom, everything's going fine, really. (Listens) Yeah, Ross is great. He's uh, he's in a whole other place. (Listens) No, he's gone. (Listens) No no, you don't have to fly back, really. (Listens) What do you mean this might be your only chance? (Listens) Would you stop? I'm only 26, I'm not even thinking about babies yet. (Monica sees a woman pass by with a baby, puts the phone to her chest, and starts to cry. Chandler takes the phone, makes a noise in it resembling static, and hangs up. Joey enters.)Chandler: Where have you been?Joey: Oh, just had a baby. 而不是被困在这儿我所爱的女人就要生我和你一样期待已久不，相信我没人像我如此期待讽刺的是你们将带着宝宝回家讽刺的是你们将带着宝宝回家大家都知道你是我是谁?这世上有父亲节，母亲节却没有女同志节每天都是女同志节精彩愿意解释吗?因为我小时候我爸离开我妈过世，我继父入狱我根本得不到父母的爱如今他有如此爱他的三个父母甚至为谁给他的爱最多而吵架而且他根本还未出世他真是全天下最幸福的宝宝抱歉，你们正在吵架他们在哪儿?他们很快就会来对，他们不会错过的对，放轻松才开九公分宝宝没那么快出来你吓到我了谁愿意帮我吗?她想掏出我的心脏这下可好，有人看见乳头吗?十公分，开始用力不要再用力了他们还没好抱歉，我无法叫宝宝等他们来抱歉，我无法叫宝宝等他们来通气口开了我是宾我是医院工人宾宾前来抢救了宾，准备好没?脚给我数到数到数到你看见什么?我看见黑暗的通气孔等等，真的是黑暗的通气孔菲此，门开了等等，你们忘了脚我们来了你们上哪儿去了说来话长Chandler: Mazel tov![Scene: The Waiting Room, Rachel and Dr. Franzblau have gone to get coffee.]Dr. Franzblau: I don't know, could be an hour, could be three, but relax, she's doing great. So, uh, tell me, are you currently involved with anyone?Rachel: (anxiously) No, no, not at the moment, no, I'm not. Are you? Dr. Franzblau: No, it's hard enough to get women to go out with me. Rachel: Right, yeah, I've heard that about cute doctors.Dr. Franzblau:No, no, really. I suppose it's because I spend so much time, you know, where I do.Rachel: Oh.Dr. Franzblau: I try not to let my work affect my personal life, but it's hard, when you... do what I do. It's like uh...Well, for instance, what do you do?Rachel: I'm a waitress.Dr. Franzblau: Ok, all right, well aren't there times when you come home at the end of the day, and you're just like, 'if I see one more cup of coffee'...Rachel: (getting the point) Yeah. Gotcha.Dr. Franzblau: I'm gonna go check up on your friend.Rachel: Ok. That's fine. (takes her earrings out)[Scene: The Hall Outside Lydia's Room, Joey is walking up to Lydia's room with balloons, but before he enters he sees that the baby's father has arrived. He listens at the door.]Lydia: So how did you know I was even here?Guy: Your mom called me. So is this her?Lydia: No, this is a loaner.Guy: I'm sorry you had to do this by yourself.Lydia: I wasn't by myself. I had a doctor, a nurse, and a helper guy. (Joey smiles) So, did you see who won the game?Guy: Yeah, the Knicks by 10. They suck.Lydia: Yeah, they're not so bad.(Joey closes the door and ties the balloons to the knob. Then he walks away, holding the hand of an inflated balloon animal he had brought.) [Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross is trying to open the door with a credit card, with no success.]Ross: Come on, come on. Damnit, damnit, damnit, damnit. (to Susan) This is all your fault. This is supposed to be, like, the greatest day of my life, y'know? My son is being born, and I should be in there, you know, instead of stuck in a closet with you.Susan:The woman I love is having a baby today. I've been waiting for this just as much as you have.Ross: No no no, believe me. No one has been waiting for this as much as I have, ok? And you know what the funny thing is? When this day is over, you get to go home with the baby, ok? Where does that leave me?Susan: You get to be the baby's father. Everyone knows who you are. 卡萝，我要你不断用力抱歉，我能用这个…这里人太多了而且待会儿又会多一个所以不是前任丈夫和女同志终身伴侣者请出去再见了…祝好运…我问你，要卡萝的女同志终身伴侣才行吗?出去他的头露出来了让我看看…是头…好大卡萝，你是怎么办到的?于事无补你做得很好…抱歉你看见什么?我何时能见到头，肩膀和手臂都出来了看，是手指，肚子是男的百分百男孩百分百男孩他出来了他是个人他是个人他像谁?像我叔叔艾德，被果冻包着像我叔叔艾德，被果冻包着各位，他好漂亮谢了，菲此不准大吼我们仍需要为他取个名字宾如何?我喜欢宾宾，这名字不错你们之前怎没提过这名字?刚想出来的这就是我们不在时做的事我们能进来吗?当然，请进我知道各位，向你们介绍一个人他叫宾宾，这是大家宾，这是大家苏珊，他看起来像你谢谢天啊，没想到我们之啤有人生宝宝了Ross: We're here!Carol: (irked) Where have you been?Ross: Long story, honey.Dr. Franzblau:All right, Carol, I need you to keep pushing. I need—(reaches for an instrument, Rachel's hand is on it) Excuse me, could I have this?Nurse: All right, all right, there's a few too many people in this room, and there's about to be one more, so anybody who's not an ex-husband or a lesbian life partner, out you go!All: Good luck!(Everyone heads for the door.)Chandler:(to nurse) Let me ask you, do you have to be Carol's lesbian life partner?Nurse: Out!Dr. Franzblau: All right, he's crowning. Here he comes.Ross:Let me see, I gotta see, I gotta see. Oh, a head. Oh, it's, it's huge. Carol, how are you doing this?Carol: (straining) Not.... helping!Dr. Franzblau: You're doing great, you're doing fine.Ross: (puts his head near the baby) Hello! (to Dr. Franzblau) Oh, sorry.Susan: What do you see? What do you see?Ross: We got a head, we got shoulders, we got arms, we got, oh, look at the little fingers, oh, and a chest, and a stomach. It's a boy, definitely a boy! All right! Ok, legs, knees, and feet. Oh, oh. He's here. He's a person.Susan: Oh, look at that.Carol: What does he look like?Ross: Kinda like my uncle Ed, covered in Jell-o.Carol: Really?Phoebe: (from the air vent overhead) You guys, he's beautiful! Ross: Oh, thanks, Pheebs!(They look up towards the vent and wave at Phoebe.)[Scene: The Delivery Room, Carol is holding the infant.]Susan: No shouting, but we still need a name for this little guy. Ross: (thinking) How 'bout Ben?Susan: I like Ben.Carol:Ben. Ben. Ben's good. How come you never mentioned Ben before? Ross: We uh, we just cooked it up.Susan: That's what we were off doing.(Monica opens the door.)Monica: Hi.Ross: Hey.Monica: Can we come i n?(The whole gang enters.)Ross: (to Ben) I know, I know. Everybody, there's someone I'd like you to meet. Yeah. This is Ben. Ben, this is everybody.Phoebe: Susan, he looks just like you.Susan: Thanks.Rachel:Oh, god, I can't believe one of us actually has one of these. Chandler: I know, I still am one of these.Monica: Ross, can I?(Monica holds Ben.)Ross: The head, the head. You gotta...Monica: (getting choked up) Hi, Ben. Hi. I'm your Aunt Monica. Yes I am. I'm your Aunt Monica. I...I will always have gum.Closing Credits[Scene: The Hospital, the camera is placed as though it were Ben's eyes.]Ross: Ben, I want you to know that there may be some times when I may not be around, like this. (walks out of the picture) But I'll still always come back, like this. (returns) And sometimes I may be away longer, like this. (walks away) But I'll still always come back, like this. (returns)(Chandler comes into the picture.)Chandler: And sometimes, I'll want you to steal third, and I'll go like this. (Does a baseball sign.)(The rest of the group come into the picture.)Monica: He is so amazing.Rachel: Oh, I know. Look at him.Joey: Ben, Ben, hey Ben. Nothing. I don't think that's his name. Phoebe: Oh, look, look, he's closing his eyes. (screen goes blank) Look, he's opening his eyes. (picture comes back)Joey: He doesn't do muc h, does he?Ross: No, this is pretty much it.(long moment of silence)Rachel: You guys wanna get some coffee?All: Yeah.Ross: All right, I'll see you guys later.(They all leave but Ross, but they all come back a few seconds later. They make faces at the baby.)Phoebe: Oh, look, he's closing his eyes again.(The screen fades to black.)End。