绝望主妇英语对白desperate housewives s1e1第一季第一集所有英文对白

2009-07-06 12:06绝望的主妇经典台词第一季 Desperate Housewives Season 1 1-01 The next day my friends came together to pack away my clothes, my personal belongings and what was left of my life. Not quite Gabrielle, not quite. How ironic. To have something I tried so desperately to keep secret treated so causally. I'm so sorry, girls. I never wanted you to burden with this.第二天我的朋友们都来帮我收拾衣服，私人物品还有――我剩下的那些东西。

远不只这些Gabrielle，远不只。

多么讽刺，我拼命努力想要保守的秘密就这样随便的被她们发现了。

对不起，姐妹们。

我绝对不想让你们承受这种负担。

1-02Ah, But Underneath Yes, as I look back at the world I left behind, it's all so clear to me. The beauty that waits to be unveiled, the mysteries that long to be uncovered. But, people so rarely stop to take a look. They just keep moving. It's a shame, really. There's so much to see. 是的，当我回头看我身后的世界，它变得如此清晰。

那么多期待闪亮登场的美丽，那么多渴望不被发现的秘密。

绝望地主妇第一季中英文台词对照第一集(Season 1, Episode 1)场景：主角颖儿和她的家人坐在客厅里，看电视。

颖儿：嗨，大家好！我是颖儿。

欢迎来到《绝望地主妇》。

费德勒：颖儿，你在看啥？Ying'er, what are you watching?颖儿：我正在看这个超级有趣的美剧。

里面的妇女们生活在一个美丽而又疯狂的社区里。

费德勒：听起来有意思。

可以借我看吗？Sounds interesting. Can I borrow it?颖儿：当然可以！但我保证你会上瘾的。

Of course! But I guarantee you'll get addicted.（几个小时后，费德勒一直盯着电视屏幕）费德勒：这个剧真的太好笑了！我下次会继续看的。

场景：颖儿和她的邻居在社区的咖啡厅见面。

颖儿：嘿，安妮！最近怎么样？Hey, Anne! How have you been?安妮：哎呀，我最近有点闷。

孩子们总是让我手忙脚乱。

颖儿：我明白。

生活中总有一些烦恼。

你有没有想过要做些什么让自己开心的事情？I understand. There are always some worries in life. Have you thought about doing something that makes you happy?安妮：没错。

我一直想学做糕点，但从来没有开始过。

True. I've always wanted to learn how to bake, but I never started.颖儿：那就现在开始吧！我可以帮你找一些食谱。

Then start now! I can help you find some recipes.场景：颖儿和她的丈夫人在餐厅用餐。

颖儿：亲爱的，我想打工。

我们需要更多的经济支持。

Honey, I want to get a job. We need more financial support.丈夫：但你应该是家庭主妇啊。

1X05 - COME IN STRANGEROriginal Airdate (ABC): 31-OCT-2004[INT -School-Day](Lynette and the boys' teacher are talking after they've painted a girl blue)Teacher: The boys are in my class because I'm the only teacher that can handle them.(shots of Lynette dragging one of the twins who is holding on to a table for dear life)Teacher: We may no longer be able to accommodate them.[INT-Young House-Living Room-Night](Zach is sat on the floor of the living room and he's spinning the barrel of a gun round. His dad watches him)Zach: Mom used this to kill herself. Why would you keep it?[EXT -Young House -Night](Zach answers the door. He's got the gun behind his back.)Bree: Are you okay?[INT-Scavo House-Kitchen -Day](The girls are sitting around drinking coffee.)Gabrielle: I think he's hiding something.[INT-Delfino House -Night](Shots of Mike on the phone and has a gun of his own)(Shots of diagrams of Wisteria Lane on Mike's wall, listing the houses, who lives where and the ages of the children.There are also photos of Gabrielle, Carlos, Julie and Susan)[INT-Solis House -Bedroom -Day](shot of Carlos discovering John's sock under the bed)[INT-Young House -Night](shot of the letter I know what you did.It makes me sick. I'm going to tell. The shot expands and we see the PI reading the note)PI: Exactly what is it you hired me to do?Paul:Someone sent that note to my wife and I need to know who.[INT -Supermarket -Day](Susan is at the checkout when Mike talks to her.)Mike: You like Alfred Hitchcock?(Susan looks up at Mike.)[INT -Mayer House -Kitchen-Night](Mrs Huber has dropped by to give Susan a pie and blackmail her. She takes out of her bag the charred measuring cup)Mrs Huber: I found it in the ruins of Edie's home.(Susan doesn't know what to say)[INT-Solis House-Stairs - Day](Carlos confronts Gabrielle with the discovered sock)Carlos: I found it under our bed. It's not mine.(Gabrielle shows Carlos the cleaning cupboard with the socks)[EXT -Wisteria Lane-Day](Shots of Julie riding her bike past an old woman)Mary Alice Voiceover: Every neighbourhood has a woman like Alberta Fome.(Mrs Fome goes out to collect her mail.)Mary Alice Voiceover: And every woman like Mrs Fome has a cat.(we see the cat through the window)[INT-Mrs Fome's House -Bedroom -Day](Shots of the cat walking over an open suitcase. It's packed with clothes.)Mary Alice Voiceover: When she travelled, Mrs Fome would arrange for friends to look after her beloved pet.(shots of Mrs Fome stoking the cat at the table. She is on the phone trying to arrange for a friend to look after the cat.)Mrs Fome: (on the phone) Thanks anyway.(She hangs up the phone and crosses another name off her list of people to ask. The last name on the list is Susan Mayer)Mary Alice Voiceover: This time, she was forced to ask her neighbour Susan Mayer.[EXT -Mayer House -Day](The doorbell rings and Susan answers it to Mrs Fome)Mary Alice Voiceover: Mrs Fome liked Susan. But it was common knowledge on Wisteria Lane that wherever Susan Mayer went, bad luck was sure to follow.(Underneath this Mrs Fome is asking Susanto look after her cat. She's nervous asking at first. And when Susan agrees she looks positively worried for her cat's well being)[EXT-Wisteria Lane-Outside Mayer House-Day](Shot of Susan backing the car out of the driveway. She hits her dustbin)Mary Alice Voiceover: Her misfortunes ranged from the common place-(Susan looks out of the window at the bin on its side)[EXT-Wedding Reception-Day]Mary Alice Voiceover: -To the unusual-(Susan is dressed in a gorgeous pink dress, she's flirting with a guy in a tux and goes to lean against a table. As she does, the table upends and she ends up on the floor with the contents of the table (including the wedding cake) all over her.)[EXT-Mayer House -Garden - Day]Mary Alice Voiceover: -To the truly bizarre.(Susan is on a stool filling her bird feeder. A bird flutters around her head and she waves her arms to shoo it away.It doesn't go and she ends up jumping off the stool trying to get away from the bird that is attacking her.)[EXT :Wisteria Lane -Outside Mrs Fome's House-Day](Mrs Fome is in a taxi, about to drive away, she seems nervous. She's looking back at Susan, who is holding her cat,waving its paw as its owner drives away)Mary Alice Voiceover: As she waved goodbye, she worried that Susan's streak of bad luck would continue. For that matter, so did her cat.(Susan walks away with the cat, and the scene changes to a shot of Mrs Fome's house in the dark.) [INT-Mrs Fome's House -Night](Susan and Julie enter Mrs Fome's house to feed the cat)Susan:(calls for the cat) Mr Whiskars.Julie: Here kitty.Susan:Dinner time. Here kitty, kitty, kitty!(Susan and Julie stop looking for the cat, when they enter the kitchen and see a lot of the drawers are open)Susan: Cats can open drawers, can they?Julie: Are you sure you didn't leave them open this morning?Susan: Noway.Julie: Wow.Do you think somebody broke in?(Susan's about to answer, when they see a large screwdriver on the kitchen table. Susan look worried) Susan: MR WHISKERS(Susan and Julie both start frantically calling for the cat and search through different rooms to find him) (The shot focuses on a door to a cupboard. We see the door open and we pan down to see the shoes of an intruder.The male intruder creeps to the door, and we see the cat follow and sneak out,with the intruder closing the door behind him)Mary Alice Voiceover: Though she didn't know it at the time Susan's luck-(we see the intruder open the door again,and put the cat back inside the house)Mary Alice Voiceover: had finally started to change.OPENING CREDITS[EXT -Wisteria Lane -Night](Shots of people all streaming towards the Scavo house)Mary Alice Voiceover: News that an intruder had breached the security of Wisteria Lane spread like wildfire.[INT-Scavo House ?Kitchen-Night](Shots of people milling around, helping themselves to coffee and cakes)Mary Alice Voiceover: At a neighbourhood watch meeting the next night, residents voiced their concerns over the increasing dangers their community faced.(we watch Mike make himself coffee, and then go to find a seat with all the others)(shot of an old woman talking to the gathered crowd)Mary Alice Voiceover: Mrs Eida Greenberg announced that someone was looking through her bathroom window whenever she took a shower.(shot of a geeky looking man talking to the gathered crowd)Mary Alice Voiceover: Bob Fisk warned those present that an unnamed government agency was listening in to their phone conversations.(shot of a large, motherly looking woman talking to the gathered crowd)Mary Alice Voiceover: Helen veil spoke of a ruthless local teenage gang that had egged her mini van. (the shot pans down to see a teenage boys quashed in between his parents on a sofa. He squirms, afraid of being caught out about the egging.)(Shot of a policeman giving a presentation to the assembled people, who are all watching attentively.) Policeman: There are three things that contribute to... (we can't hear what he says during the VO) Mary Alice Voiceover: The evening concluded with Officer Thompson offering safety tips and a plan of action.Policeman:So you can sign up for a situation you have control over.(He hands a clipboard to Lynette.) 签名同意参加Policeman:You can sign up for either daily or nightly patrols. I know that might seem a bit like overkill, but I assure you. 巡逻(Susan watches Lynette hand out the clipboard. She looks over her shoulder and smiles and waves at Mike. His halfhearted response makes her turn back, disappointed.)Policeman:That regular surveillance will deter even the most determined criminal. So are there any other questions? Alright then, let's be careful out there.(everyone claps.)(Susan gets up and talks to the policeman.)Susan: Actually I do have a question. Do you have a second?Policeman:Sure, how can I help?Susan: Well,I'm the one who discovered the break in and I think I found some evidence. Policeman:Evidence?(Susan pulls a screwdriver in a large clear plastic bag out of her purse and hands it to the policeman.) Susan: I think this is a screwdrivert left behind by the burglar. And I didn't touch it.Policeman: Why didn't you give this to the investigating officers?Susan: I tried! But they sort of laughed at me, because apparently nothing was taken from Mrs Fome's house.Policeman:Well, I apologise for that. It was totally unprofessional.Susan: Thank you! So do you think it should be dusted for prints?Policeman:Yes. And I'll make sure it gets done.(we see Mike watching the two of them.He doesn't look amused.)Susan:Great.(the cop smiles at Susan. Susan gives him a little smile, then leaves.)Susan: Bye.[INT-Scavo House -Living Room -Night](It's later on and the meeting is over.Bree is helping to pack up the folding chairs, Susan is collecting the paper cups. The others are helping to clear up, whilst the twins are jumping on the sofa, having a pillow fight.)Lynette:Boys! Stop it! Go to bed.(the boys don't stop.)Preston: But we're not tired.Lynette: Well,at least go upstairs..(She realises what she's holding, and holds out the half full bag of crisps to the boys. The boys see what she's holding and stop.)Preston: Gimme! Gimme!(Both boys reach for the crisps and Lynette backs away from them, towards the stairs. She throws the bag upstairs and the boys chase after them.)Lynette: GO!GO, GO!Preston: C' on.Porter: I'm right behind you.(Bree looks on disapprovingly at what she's just witnessed. When Lynette turns around and catches her look, she puts her hands up as if she's not going to say anything. Lynette looks pretty happy with the way she handled her kids though!!)[INT -Scavo House - Kitchen -Night](Gabrielle and Susan are continuing to clean.)Gabrielle:So why weren't you sitting with Mike tonight? I thought you two were becoming an item. 这里是解释一对的意思，GABY是问SUSAN为什么不和MIKE坐在一起，她以为他们早成一对了呢。

Desperate Housewives - Episode 01.01 - PilotThis was typed by me, a human, and mistakes are possible. If you find any, no matter how trivial, please let me know. (desperate_housewives at yahoo dot com)Guest stars"Mrs. Martha Huber" - Christine Estabrook"Tom Scavo" - Doug Savant"Danielle Van De Kamp" - Joy Lauren"Andrew Van De Kamp" - Shawn Pyfrom"Preston Scavo" - Brent Kinsman"Porter Scavo" - Shane Kinsman"Parker Scavo" - Zane Huett"Wendy" - Sherica Durdley"Natalie Klein" - Nike Doukas"Waiter" - Heath McCall"Elderly Lady" - Kay Wade"Tanaka Party Waiter" - Edward ZoellnerWritten by: Marc Cherry & Charles Pratt, Jr.Directed by: Charles McDougallO verview of a nice, upscale neighborhood. Cars are driving by, peopleare taking walks and pushing baby carriages while saying hello to each other.Focus on house where a woman steps outside, carrying a basket of flowers. Her voice is the one in the voiceover."My name is Mary Alice Young. When you read this morning's paper, you may come across an article about the unusual day I had last week.Normally, there is never anything newsworthy about my life. But that all changed last Thursday."As she talks, we see snippets of what she's describing."Of course, everything seemed quite normal at first. I madebreakfast for my family. I performed my chores. I completed myprojects. I ran my errands. In truth, I spent the day as I spentevery other day, quietly polishing the routine of my life. Until it gleamed with perfection. That's why it was so astonishing whenI decided to go to my hallway closet and retrieve a revolver thathad never been used."Mary Alice holds the gun to her head and pulls the trigger. The gun goes off and in the reflection of a mirror, Mary Alice falls to the floor.A woman reaches down into a pile of red, blood-like liquid, dips her fingerinto it, and raises it to her lips to taste it, then turns to look out her window when she hears the shot. The voiceover continues."My body was discovered by my neighbor, Mrs. Martha Huber, who had been startled by a strange popping sound. Her curiosity aroused, Mrs. Huber tried to think of a reason for dropping in on meunannounced."Mrs. Huber goes to her hallway closet and removes a blender that has a label on it reading "Property of Mary Alice Young"She leaves her house and hurries over next door."After some initial hesitation, she decided to return the blender she borrowed six months before."Mrs. Huber goes to the front door and rings the bell, waits, then rings it again. She then goes around the house and peeks through a window. Seeing the body on the floor, she screams and rushes back to her house to call 911."It's my neighbor. I think she's been shot. There's blood everywhere!Yes, you've got to send an ambulance. You've got to send one right now!"She hangs up."And for a moment, Mrs.Huber stood motionless inher kitchen, grief-strickenby this senseless tragedy.But only for a moment."Mrs. Huber turns to look at the blender with its label firmly attached."And if there's one thing Mrs. Huber was known for..."Mrs. Huber tears off the label on the blender."...it was her ability to look on the bright side."She puts the blender back in the closet.M any people go to Mary Alice Young's house, dressed solemnly."I was laid to rest on Monday. After the funeral, all the residents of Wisteria Lane came to pay their respects. And as people do in these situations, they brought food. Lynette Scavo brought fried chicken."Lynette, caring a large platter of chicken, looks drawn and tired."Lynette had a great family recipe for fried chicken. Of course, she didn't cook much while she was climbing up the corporateladder."Flashback to Lynette in a boardroom, giving a presentation to a group of people."She didn't have the time. But when her doctor announced Lynette was pregnant..."Flashback to Lynette in her doctor's office, getting the ultrasound. Lynette is grinning, obviously excited."...her husband, Tom, had an idea. 'Why not quit your job? Kids do better with stay at home moms. It would be so much less stressful.'" Lynette hesitantly nods her agreement at him, her smile gone.Present time, Lynette continues walking down the sidewalk, holding the chicken platter and pushing a stroller. As she walks, her other three children, all little boys, two of whom are twins, walk in front of the stroller, the twins pushing each other as they walk."But this was not the case. In fact, Lynette's life had become so hectic, she was now forced to get her fried chicken from a fast food restaurant. Lynette would have appreciated the irony if she hadstopped to think about it."Lynette tries to break up her children's fight as it gets more physical. She kneels down in front of them, angry."Listen to me. You are going to behave today. I will not going to be humiliated in front of the entire neighborhood. And, just so you know how serious I am..." [she pulls a piece of paper out of her jacket].One of her boys asks, "What'sthat?"Lynette: "Santa's cellphone number."Twin: "How'd you get that?"Lynette: "I know someone whoknows someone who knows anelf. And if any of you actsup, so help me, I will call Santa and tell him you want socks for Christmas. Are you willing to risk that?"They shake their heads no.She straights up. "All right, let's get this over with."The camera pans to a Hispanic man in a suit, standing outside of a beautiful house. He turns to watch his gorgeous wife hurry down the steps to meet him."Gabrielle Solis, who lives down the block, brought a spicy paella."Flashback to Gabrielle when she was younger, walking down the runway as a fashion model."Since her modeling days in New York, Gabrielle had developed ataste for rich food and rich men."Flashback to a restaurant, where Gabrielle and the man are having dinner."Carlos, who worked in mergers and acquisitions, proposed on their third date. Gabrielle was touched when tears welled up in his eyes.But she soon discovered that this happened every time Carlos closeda big deal."Present time, where Gabrielle joins Carlos as he waits for her."Gabrielle liked her paella piping hot. However, her relationship with her husband was considerably cooler."Carlos and Gabrielle walk down the street. Carlos tells Gabrielle that if she talks with Mason at the wake, she's to casually mention to him how much he paid for her necklace.Gabrielle retorts "Why don't I just pin the receipt to my chest?"Carlos explains that Mason let him know how much he had paid for his wife's convertible. He tells her to just work it into the conversation. Gabrielle says she can't just work it in.Carlos: "Why not? At theDonahue party, everyone wastalking mutual funds and youfound a way to mention youslept with half of theYankee outfielders."Gabrielle: "I'm telling you,it came up in the context ofthe conversation."Carlos: "Hey! People are starting to stare. Can you keep your voice down?"Gabrielle: "Absolutely. Wouldn't want people to think we're nothappy."T he door to the Young's house opens to show a well-groomed woman standingoutside with her husband, son, and daughter. She's holding two baskets full of baked goods."Bree Van De Kamp, who lives next door, brought baskets of muffins she baked from scratch. Bree was known for her cooking, and formaking her own clothes, and for doing her own gardening, and for re-upholstering her own furniture. Yes, Bree's many talents were known throughout the neighborhood. And everyone on Wisteria Lane thought of Bree as the perfect wife and mother. Everyone, that is, except her own family."Bree walks in, with her husband and children following behind her.She goes up to Paul and Zachary Young to offer her condolences. They tell her that she didn't need to go through so much trouble, and she says that it was no trouble at all.She explains that one of the baskets is for the guests and the other is just for Paul and Zachary and those are "breakfast type things." As she talks, her family silently looks at each other. She hands Paul and Zachary the muffins and reminds them that she will need the baskets back. Behind her, her husband briefly closes his eyes.A woman leaves her house with her teenage daughter. She's carrying acasserole dish with aluminum foil covering it. The foil comes off the dish and the woman has to grab it before it flies away."Susan Mayer, who lives across the street, brought macaroni and cheese. Her husband Carl, always teased her, saying it was the only thing she knew how to cook, and she rarely made it well. It was too salty the night she and Carl moved into their house. It was too watery the night she found lipstick on Carl's shirt. She burned it the night Carl told her he was leaving her for his secretary." Flashback to Carl leaving the house with suitcases as Susan and her daughter sit at the kitchen table, a macaroni and cheese dinner in front of them. Susan begins to cry. Her daughter leans over and pats her mother's arm.In present time, Susan and her daughter leave their house and begin walking towards the Young's house."A year had passed since the divorce. Susan had started to think how nice it would be to have a man in her life, even one who would make fun of her cooking."As they walk, Susan's daughter asks, "Mom, why would someone kill themselves?"Susan: "Well, sometimes people are so unhappy, they think that's the only way they can solve their problems. "Julie: "But Mrs. Young always seemed happy."Susan: "Yeah. But sometimes, people pretend to be one way on theoutside, when they're totally different on the inside."Julie: "Oh, you mean like how dad's girlfriend is always smiling and says nice things, but deep down, you just know she's a bitch?"Susan: "I don't like that word, Julie. But yeah, that's a greatexample."They reach the house and go inside. Susan puts the macaroni and cheese on the table with the other food. She heads to the kitchen where the other three women are sitting. They say hello. Susan looks at Mary Alice's chair and then picks up the coffee to pour herself a cup.Flashback to when all five of the women were drinking coffee together at that table when Susan's husband left her.Mary Alice: "So what did Carl say when you confronted him?"Susan: "You'll love this. He said, it doesn't mean anything. It was just sex."The women all scoff. She continues. "And then he got this Zen look on his face and said, you know, Susan, most men live lives of quiet desperation."Lynette: "Please tell me you punched him."Susan: "No, I said, really? And what do most women lead? Lives of noisy fulfillment?"The women offer support.Susan: "I mean, of all people, did he have to bang his secretary?I had that woman over for brunch."Gabrielle: "It's like my grandmother always said. An erect penis doesn't have a conscious."Lynette: "Even limp ones aren't all that ethical."Bree joins in, saying that that's the reason she joined the NRA."When Rex started going to those medical conferences, I wanted it in the back of his mind that he had a loving wife at home with a loaded Smith & Wesson."They laugh.Mary Alice asks Lynette if she's worried about her husband, since he's always away on business. Lynette says that he's gotten her pregnant three times in four years. "I wish he was having sex with someone else."They ask Susan if he'll stop seeingthe woman and she says she doesn'tknow.Susan: "I just don't knowhow I'm going to survivethis."Mary Alice: "Listen to me.We all have moments ofdesperation. But if we facethem head on, that's when we find out just how strong we really are."Susan puts her hand on Mary Alice's.In present time, Bree interrupts Susan's memories, saying that Paul wants them to come over on Friday to go through Mary Alice's closet and pack up her things, as he can't face doing it himself. Susan agrees. Bree asks if she's okay. Susan tells her "I'm just so angry. If Mary Alice was having problems, she should have come to us. She should have let us help her."Gabrielle asks what problems she could have had. "She was healthy, had a great home, a nice family. Her life was - "Lynette interrupts. "Our life." They're all quiet.Gabrielle says that if Mary Alice had been having problems, they would have known, because she only lives 50 feet away. Susan tells her, "Gabby, the woman killed herself. Something must have been going on."Off to the side, unbeknownst to the women, Paul Young listens to their conversation, grim-faced. He takes a sip of his drink.L ater, at the buffet, Susan comes up to a man putting some macaroni andcheese on his plate. She tells him not to eat it. He asks her why. She replies with "I made it, trust me." He starts to take a bite and she stops him. "Hey, hey, do you have a death wish?" He answers with "No, I just refuse to believe that anybody can screw up macaroni and cheese."He puts some in his mouth and Susan looks apologetic as she holds up her hands as though to say that she warned him.He starts to chew, then stops."Oh my god. How did you - it tastes like it's burnt and undercooked.""Yeah, I get that a lot."She takes a napkin and has him spit the food into it.He thanks her, then introduces himself as Mike Delfino. He says that he's renting the Sims house. She introduces herself and he says that he heard about her from Mrs. Huber, and that he heard that she illustrates children's books."Yeah, I'm very big with the under five set."She laughs at her own joke and he chuckles. She asks what he does and he tells her that he's a plumber. "So if you ever have a clog.. or something" They smile and she looks away. She looks at the mac and cheese. "Now that everybody's seen that I've brought something, I should probably just throw this out." She picks up the mac and cheese as he watches her.Across the room, Julie looks on, interested.She walks away and he watches her go. She turnsaround as she walks, and he smiles at her. Shesmiles back.Mrs. Huber finds Lynette as she's breast feedingher infant. Lynette tells her child "Ease up,little vampire."Mrs. Huber says that she's been looking for her. "Are you aware of what your sons are doing?"Her boys are swimming in the Young's swimming pool. Lynette comes rushing down to the pool. Looking around at everybody, she then leans down. "What are you doing? We are at a wake!"Her boys say that she told them they could go in the pool. She clarifies that she told them they could go by the pool. She asks if they have their swimsuits on. They say that they put them on before they left. Lynette's furious. "You three planned this?" She picks up their clothing and tells them to get out. They refuse. She tells them "I am your mother. You have to do as I say." They tell her that she can't stop them from swimming.Lynette looks around and sees everybody watching her. She then looks at her boys, who have their arms crossed as they glare at her.She makes a decision and hands her baby to the priest. She then wades into the pool, fully clothed. They start to swim away, but she grabs them anyway. Susan, watching from the side, looks embarrassed for her.Lynette drags her children out, takes back her baby, and tells Paul that they have to leave. "Once again, I am so sorry for your loss."She leaves with her children."Lynette shouldn't have been so concerned about my husband. He had other things on his mind. Things below the surface."Paul looks down in the depths of the pool."T he morning after my funeral, my friends and neighbors quietly went back to their busy, busy lives."Lynette's children are throwing cereal everywhere while she tries to calm them."While some did their cooking, and some did their cleaning..."Bree cleans toilet, furiously."...and some did their yoga..."Gabrielle quietly does yoga on her front porch."...others did their homework."A soccer ball is kicked over Mike Delfino's house into his backyard.The doorbell rings at Mike's house. Julie is shown to have rung it. Mike answers the door as his dog barks and Mike bends down to hold onto its collar."Hi. I'm Julie. I kicked my soccer ball into your backyard.""Okay, well, let's go around and go get it."He walks outside with her, telling his dog to stay.L ater that day, Julie, tossing the soccer ball in her hands, talks to her mom."His wife died a year ago. He wanted to stay in L.A., but there were too many memories. He's renting for tax purposes, but he hopes to buy a place real soon."Susan tells her daughter that she can't believe she went over there. Julie replies that she saw them flirting at the wake."You're obviously into each other. Now that you know he's single, you can ask him out."Susan says that she likes him, but she doesn't know if she's ready to start dating again. Julie says that she needs to get out there. She asks her mom, "how long has it been since you've had sex?"Susan stops what she's doing and looks at her daughter."Are you mad that I asked youthat?""No, I'm just trying toremember. I don't want totalk to you about my lovelife anymore. It weirds meout."Julie says that she wouldn't havesaid anything, except that sheheard her dad's girlfriend ask if Susan has dated anyone since the divorce and "dad said he doubted it. And then they both laughed." Susan stares at her daughter, silent and shocked.S usan walks determinedly down the street to Mike's house. In her hands,she carries a small house plant. When she reaches his place, she rings the bell.He opens the door."Hey, Susan.""Hi, Mike. I brought you a house warming gift."She says that she should have come by earlier. He says that she's the first in the neighborhood to stop by. She's happily surprised. "Really!""Susan knew she was lucky. An eligible bachelor had moved ontoWisteria Lane and she was the first to find out. But she also know that good news... "Edie Britt calls out, Hello there! as she comes up to join Susan and Mike on the porch."...travels quickly. Edie Britt was the most predatory divorcee ina 5-block radius."Scenes of Edie are shown as she seduces a plumber, then a tennis instructor, and then a priest."Her conquests were numerous. Varied. And legendary."Edie has a covered dish in her hands as she bounds up the porch, says hi to Susan, and then introduces herself to Mike. Susan watches as they shake hands."Susan had met the enemy and she was a slut."Mike takes the food and thanks her."What's this?""Sausage putinesca. Just something I threw together."Susan gives her a knowing look. Mike thanks her."That's great. I'd invite you both in, but I was sort of in the middle of something."They both protest that it's no problem, they had to go anyway."And just like that, the race for Mike Delfino had begun."The two woman walk away together, with Mike watching them while still holding the housewarming gifts."For a moment, Susan wondered if her rivalry with Edie would remain friendly."Edie turns around to face Mike. "Oh, Mike! I heard you're a plumber?""But she was reminded that when it came to men..."Edit continues. "Do you think you could stop by later tonight and take a look at my pipes?""...women don't fightfair."Mike answers her. "Sure."Susan sighs. She and Edie continuewalking.Edie: "Bye, Susan."Susan: "Hmm."They separate.A t Gabrielle and Carlos's house, Gabrielle is shouting that Carlos can't order her around. She tells him that she's not going.Carlos: "It's business. Tanaka expects everyone to bring theirwives."Gabrielle: "Every time I'm around that man, he tries to grab my ass."Carlos: "I made over $200,000 with him last week. If he wants to grab your ass, you let him."He walks away from her, out of the house.He sees the 16-year-old gardener, John, and calls his name. John is startled and cuts his finger. Carlos asks him why a bush is still there, since John was supposed to get rid of it last week. John says he didn't have time. Carlos says that he doesn't want to hear any more excuses. Just get rid of it.Gabrielle comes out of the house and tells Carlos that she hates the way that he talks to her. He replies with "and I really hate that I spent $50,000 on a diamond necklace that you couldn't live without. But I've learned to deal with it. So, can I tell Tanaka we'll be there tomorrow night?"Before answering him, Gabrielle turns to John and tells him that they have bandages in the kitchen. He goes inside.Gabrielle tells Carlos that she'll go, but "I'm keeping my back pressed against the wall the entire time." Carlos backs away, smiling as he walks. "See? Now this is what a marriage is all about. Compromise."In the kitchen, John puts on a band-aid. Gabrielle asks him if his finger is okay. He says yes, it was just a small cut. She asks to look at it. She holds his finger up to her eye level and then kisses the band-aid that's wrapped around it. Then she starts licking his finger, and before long, they start kissing each other.John backs away after a couple of seconds, telling her "I really like it when we hook up, but I just gotta get my work done. I can't afford to lose this...job, and..."He watches as she takes off her shirt and leans back seductively on a table in the kitchen.She tells him that the table she's sitting on is hand carved and it's imported from Italy.Gabrielle: "It cost him $23,000."John [chuckles] "So you wanna do it on the table this time?"Gabrielle: "Absolutely."She pulls off his shirt and they lean back together onto the table, kissing.D inner time at Bree's house.Aside from some soft classical music in the background, the only sound is the clinking of silverware on the plates. Danielle and Andrew are picking at the food. Danielle asks her why they can't ever have normal soup. Bree smiles and responds "Danielle, there is nothing abnormal about basil puree." Danielle asks if they can't, just once, have a soup that somebody's heard of, like french onion, or navy bean.Bree: "First of all, your father can't eat onions. He's deathly allergic."She looks at her husband, who's slowly eating, his eyes averted.Bree: "And I won't even dignify your navy bean suggestion." [She turns to Andrew] "So, how's the osso buco?"Andrew: "It's okay."Bree: "It's okay? Andrew, I spent three hours cooking this meal.How do you think it makes me feel when you say it's okay in that sullen tone?"Andrew: "Who asked you to spend three hours on dinner?"Bree [shocked]: "Excuse me?"Her husband looks down at hisplate.Andrew: "Tim Harper's momgets home from work, popsopen a can of pork and beans,and boom, they're eating.Everyone's happy."Bree: "You'd rather I servepork and beans?"Danielle turns to her brother. "Apologize now, I am begging you."Andrew: "I'm saying, do you always have to serve cuisine? Can't we just have food?Bree: "Are you doing drugs?"Andrew: "What?"Bree: "Change in behavior is one of the warning signs and you have been fresh as paint over the last six months. That would explain why you're always locked in the bathroom."Danielle: "Trust me, that is not what he is doing."Andrew: "Shut up."He tells his mom that he doesn't have a problem and that she acts like she's running for mayor of Stepford. Bree looks to Rex for support."Rex. Seeing that you're the head of this household, I would really appreciate you saying something.""Pass the salt."A t a grocery store."Three days after my funeral, Lynette replaced her grief with a much more useful emotion. Indignation."Lynette is on the phone to Tom's voice mail while shopping. She says in her message that it's the fifth time she's left a message and he still hasn't called her back."Well, you must be having a lot of fun on your business trip. I can only imagine. Well, guess what, the kids and I want to have some fun, too, so unless you call me back by noon, we are getting on a plane and joining you."As she's talking, the twins grab a cart and race off. Her third boy watches them go and tries to get Lynette's attention. Lynette tells him "Not now, Mommy's threatening Daddy." Suddenly, she notices that the twins are gone.They're walking down an aisle, throwing tons of food into the cart.Lynette goes off searching for them and runs into Natalie Kline, awell-dressed woman. Lynette mutters "crap" when Natalie recognizes her, but then smiles at her. They make small talk. Lynette asks how the firm is doing, and Natalie tells her that everyone misses her. "We all say that if you hadn't quit, you'd be running the place by now. So. How's domestic life? Don't you just love being a mom?""And there it was. The question that Lynette always dreaded."Lynette: "Well, to be honest...""For those who asked it, only one answer was acceptable. So Lynette responded as she always did. She lied."Lynette: "It's the best job I've ever had."Behind her, near the check out lanes, her boys run the cart into an older woman, who trips and falls down. Lynette closes her eyes.O utside of Gabrielle and Carlos'sbedroom, a school bus goes by. Johnand Gabrielle are in bed, withGabrielle smoking. John asks herwhy she married Carlos.Gabrielle: "Well, he promised togive me everything I've ever wanted."John: "And did he?"Gabrielle: "Yes."。

绝望主妇第一季结束语Desperate Housewives Season 11-01Once some things are said...You can't take them back.The damage is already done.话一旦说了出去，你就没办法收回来。

因为后果已经产生了。

1-02Yes , As I look back the world I left behind, it all so clear to me, the beauty that wait to be unwilled , the mystery that long uncovered , but people so rarely stop to take a look, they just keep moving, it's the shame really , there are so much to seeing .是的, 当我回头看看身后这个世界时, 一切都如此的清晰. 等待被发现的美丽. 和等待被揭开的神秘. 但人们很少会停下来看上一眼. 他们只是不停地往前走. 这真的很遗憾, 有那么多值得一看的东西.1-03Yes I remember the world every detail , and what I remember most is how afraid I was , what a waste , you see , to live in fear, is not to live at all. I wish I could tell this who those I leave behind ,but it would do any good? Probably not, I understand know, there will be always who face their fears , and there always be those who run away。

绝望主妇英语对白d e s p e r a t e h o u s e w i v e s se第一季第一集所有英文对白Coca-cola standardization office【ZZ5AB-ZZSYT-ZZ2C-ZZ682T-ZZT18】M y n a m e i s M a r y A l i c e Y o u n g. In this morning's paper, you may come across an article about the unusual d a y I h a d l a s t w e e k. Normally, there's never anything newsworthy about my life, but that all c h a n g e d l a s t T h u r s d a y. O f c o u r s e,e v e r y t h i n g s e e m e d q u i t e n o r m a l a t f i r s t.I m a d e b r e a k f a s t f o r m y f a m i l y.I p e r f o r m e d m y c h o r e s.I c o m p l e t e d m y p r o j e c t s.I r a n m y e r r a n d s. In truth, I spent the day as I spent every other day, quietly polishing t h e r o u t i n e o f m y l i f e u n t i l i t g l e a m e d w i t h p e r f e c t i o n. That's why it was so astonishing when I decided to go to my hallway closet a n d r e t r i e v e a r e v o l v e r t h a t h a d n e v e r b e e n u s e d. M y b o d y w a s d i s c o v e r e d b y m y n e i g h b o r,M r s. Martha Huber, who'd been startled by a strange popping sound.H e r c u r i o s i t y a r o u s e d,M r s. Huber tried to think of a reason for dropping in on me unannounced.After some initial hesitation, she decided to return the blender she had b o r r o w e d f r o m m e s i x m o n t h s b e f o r e. [S c r e e a m s]I t's m y n e e i g h b o r.I t h i n k s h e e's b e e e e n s h o t. T h e e r e e's b l o o d e e v e e r y w h e e r e e. Y e e s,y o u'v e e g o t t o s e e n d a n a m b u l a n c e e. Y o u'v e e g o t t o s e e n d o n e e r i g h t n o w.A n d,f o r a m o m e n t,M r s. Huber stood motionless in her kitchen, grief-stricken by this senseless t r a g e d y.B u t o n l y f o r a m o m e n t.I f t h e r e w a s o n e t h i n g M r s. Huber was known for, it was her ability to look on the bright side.I w a s l a i d t o r e s t o n a M o n d a y. After the funeral, all the residents of Wisteria Lane came to pay their r e s p e c t s.A n d,a s p e o p l e d o i n t h e s e s i t u a t i o n s,t h e y b r o u g h t f o o d. L y n e t t e S c a v o b r o u g h t f r i e d c h i c k e n.L y n e t t e h a d a g r e a t f a m i l y r e c i p e f o r f r i e d c h i c k e n. S h e d i d n't c o o k m u c h w h i l e m o v i n g u p t h e c o r p o r a t e l a d d e r. S h e d i d n't h a v e t h e t i m e. But when her doctor announced she was pregnant, her husband Tom had an i d e a. "Why not quit yourjob" "Kids do better with stay-at-home moms.I t w o u l d b e s o m u c h l e s s s t r e s s f u l. "B u t t h i s w a s n o t t h e c a s e. In fact, Lynette's life had become so hectic she was now forced to get her c h i c k e n f r o m t h e f a s t-f o o d r e s t a u r a n t. Lynette would've appreciated the irony if she'd thought about it.B u t s h e d i d n't h a v e t h e t i m e. -S t o p i t,s t o p i t,s t o p i t. -B u t,M o m. N o. Y o u a r e e g o i n g t o b e e h a v e e t o d a y.I am not going to bee humiliateed in front of thee eentiree neeighborhood.And, just so you know how seerious I am - What's that - Santa's ceell-p h o n e e n u m b e e r. How did you geet that I know someeonee who knows someeonee who knows an e e l f. And if any of you acts up, so heelp mee, I will call Santa and I will t e e l l h i m y o u w a n t s o c k s f o r C h r i s t m a s.A r e e y o u w i l l i n g t o r i s k t h a t O K. L e e t's g e e t t h i s o v e e r w i t h. Gabrielle Solis who lives down the block brought a spicy paella. Since her modeling days in New York, Gabrielle had developed a taste for r i c h f o o d a n d r i c h m e n. Carlos, who worked in mergers and acquisitions, proposed on their third d a t e.G a b r i e l l e w a s t o u c h e d w h e n t e a r s w e l l e d u p i n h i s e y e s. But she soon discovered this happened every time Carlos closed a big deal.G a b r i e l l e l i k e d h e r p a e l l a p i p i n g h o t. However, her relationship with her husband was considerably cooler. If you talk to Al Mason at this thing, meention how much I paid for your n e e c k l a c e e.Why not pin thee reeceeipt to my cheest Hee leet mee know what hee paid f o r h i s w i f e e's c o n v e e r t i b l e e. -J u s t w o r k i t i n. -T h e e r e e's n o w a y I c a n. Why not At thee Donahuee party eeveeryonee was talking mutual funds. You meentioneed you sleept with half thee Yankeeee outfieeld.I t c a m e e u p i n t h e e c o n t e e x t o f t h e e c o n v e e r s a t i o n. P e e o p l e e a r e e s t a r i n g. K e e e e p y o u r v o i c e e d o w n.A b s o l u t e e l y. W e e w o u l d n't w a n t t h e e m t o t h i n k w e e'r e e n o t h a p p y. Bree Van De Kamp, who lives next door, brought baskets of muffins she b a k e d f r o m s c r a t c h.B r e e w a s k n o w n f o r h e r c o o k i n g.A n d f o r m a k i n g h e r o w n c l o t h e s.A n d f o r d o i n g h e r o w n g a r d e n i n g.A n d f o r r e-u p h o l s t e r i n g h e r o w n f u r n i t u r e. Yes, Bree's many talents were known throughout the neighborhood.Everyone on Wisteria Lane thought of Bree as the perfect wife and mother.E v e r y o n e,t h a t i s,e x c e p t h e r o w n f a m i l y. P a u l. Z a c h a r y. -H e e l l o,M r s. V a n D e e K a m p. -Y o u s h o u l d n't h a v e e.I t w a s n o t r o u b l e e. T h e e b a s k e e t w i t h t h e e r e e d r i b b o n i s f o r y o u r g u e e s t s. Thee onee with thee bluee ribbon is just for you and Zachary.I t's g o t r o l l s,m u f f i n s,b r e e a k f a s t t y p e e t h i n g s. T h a n k y o u. Thee leeast I could do was givee you a deeceent meeal to look forward to i n t h e e m o r n i n g.I k n o w y o u'r e e o u t o f y o u r m i n d s w i t h g r i e e f. Y e e s,w e e a r e e.I w i l l n e e e e d t h e e b a s k e e t s b a c k o n c e e y o u'r e e d o n e e.O f c o u r s e e. Susan Mayer, who lives across the street, brought macaroni and cheese. Her husband, Karl, always teased her about her macaroni, saying it was the onl y thi ng sh e k new h ow to co ok and s he ra rel y m ade i t w el l. It was too salty the night she and Karl moved into their house. It was too watery the night she found lipstick on Karl's shirt. She burned it the night Karl told her he was leaving her for his secretary.A y e a r h a d p a s s e d s i n c e t h e d i v o r c e. Susan had started to think how nice it would be to have a man in her life.E v e n o n e w h o w o u l d m a k e f u n o f h e r c o o k i n g. Mom, why would someeonee kill theemseelvees Weell, someetimees peeoplee aree so unhappy, theey think that's thee only way to solvee theeir p r o b l e e m s. -M r s. Y o u n g a l w a y s s e e e e m e e d h a p p y. -Y e e a h. Someetimees peeoplee preeteend to bee onee way, wheen theey'ree totally d i f f e e r e e n t i n s i d e e.Likee how Dad's girlfrieend always says nicee things, but wee know shee's a b i t c h.I d o n't l i k e e t h a t w o r d,J u l i e e.B u t,y e e a h,t h a t's a g r e e a t e e x a m p l e e. [M a n]Y o u'r e e w e e l c o m e e. [J u l i e e]W h a t's g o i n g o n S o r r y I'm l a t e e. -H i,S u s a n. -H e e y. So what did Karl say wheen you confronteed him You'll lovee this, hee said, "I t d o e e s n't m e e a n a n y t h i n g.I t w a s j u s t s e e x. "A h,y e e s,p a g e e o n e e o f t h e e p h i l a n d e e r e e r's h a n d b o o k. Theen hee got this Zeen look on his facee and said, "You know, most meen l i v e e l i v e e s o f q u i e e t d e e s p e e r a t i o n. "-T e e l l m e e y o u p u n c h e e d h i m. -N o.I said, "What do most womeen leead Livees of noisy fulfillmeent" - Good f o r y o u.- Did hee havee to bang his seecreetary I had that woman to brunch.A n e e r e e c t p e e n i s d o e e s n't h a v e e a c o n s c i e e n c e e.E v e e n t h e e l i m p o n e e s a r e e n't t h a t e e t h i c a l. T h i s i s w h y I j o i n e e d t h e e N R A. Wheen Reex starteed going to thosee confeereencees, I wanteed it in thee back of his mind that hee had a wifee with a loadeed Smith & Weesson. L y n n i e e,T o m's a l w a y s a w a y. Do you eeveer worry hee might Hee's gotteen mee preegnant threeee timees i n f o u r y e e a r s.I w i s h h e e w a s h a v i n g s e e x w i t h s o m e e o n e e e e l s e e. So, Susan, is hee gonna stop seeeeing that woman I don't know. I'm sorry, you guys, I just I just don't know how I'm gonna survivee this. L i s t e e n t o m e e. W e e a l l h a v e e m o m e e n t s o f d e e s p e e r a t i o n. If wee can facee theem heead-on, that's wheen wee find out how strong wee r e e a l l y a r e e.[F a r o f f]S u s a n. S u s a n.I w a s j u s t s a y i n g P a u l w a n t s u s t o g o o v e e r o n F r i d a y.H e e n e e e e d s u s t o h e e l p p a c k u p M a r y A l i c e e's t h i n g s.H e e c a n't f a c e e d o i n g i t b y h i m s e e l f. -S u r e e. T h a t's f i n e e. -A r e e y o u O K Y e e a h. I'm j u s t s o a n g r y. If Mary Alicee was having probleems, shee should'vee leet us heelp heer. What probleems could shee havee had Shee was heealthy, had a greeat homee, a n i c e e f a m i l y.H e e r l i f e e w a s O u r l i f e e. N o.I f M a r y A l i c e e w a s h a v i n g a c r i s i s,w e e'd h a v e e k n o w n. S h e e l i v e e s50f e e e e t a w a y,f o r G o d s a k e e s.G a b b y,t h e e w o m a n k i l l e e d h e e r s e e l f. S o m e e t h i n g m u s t'v e e b e e e e n g o i n g o n. -I w o u l d n't e e a t t h a t i f I w e e r e e y o u.-W h y I m a d e e i t. T r u s t m e e. Heey, heey, do you havee a deeath wish No, I just don't beelieevee that a n y b o d y c a n s c r e e w u p m a c a r o n i a n d c h e e e e s e e. O h,m y G o d.H o w d i d y o u I t t a s t e e s l i k e e i t's b u r n t a n d u n d e e r c o o k e e d. Y e e a h,I g e e t t h a t a l o t.H e e r e e y o u g o. T h a n k s. I'm M i k e e D e e l f i n o.I j u s t s t a r t e e d r e e n t i n g t h e e S i m s'h o u s e e n e e x t d o o r. S u s a n M a y e e r.I l i v e e a c r o s s t h e e s t r e e e e t. M r s.H u b e e r t o l d m e e a b o u t y o u. S a i d y o u i l l u s t r a t e e c h i l d r e e n's b o o k s. Y e e a h,I'm v e e r y b i g w i t h t h e e u n d e e r-f i v e e s e e t.-[H e e l a u g h s]-W h a t d o y o u d o P l u m b e e r. S o i f y o u e e v e e r h a v e e a c l o g o r s o m e e t h i n g. Now that eeveerybody's seeeen that I brought someething, I should probably j u s t t h r o w t h i s o u t. -[B a b y s q u e e a l s]-O w.E a s e e u p,y o u l i t t l e e v a m p i r e e. L y n e e t t e e,I'v e e b e e e e n l o o k i n g a l l o v e e r f o r y o u. Aree you awaree of what your sons aree doing Cannonball! - [Boy] Stop! - [B o y s c h e e e e r]W h a t a r e e y o u d o i n g W e e a r e e a t a w a k e e. -Y o u s a i d w e e c o u l d g o i n t h e e p o o l. -I s a i d y o u c o u l d g o b y t h e e p o o l. Do you havee your swimsuits on Yeeah, wee put 'eem on ourseelvees beeforee w e e l e e f t. Y o u t h r e e e e p l a n n e e d t h i s A l l r i g h t. T h a t's i t.G e e t o u t. -N o. -N o I a m y o u r m o t h e e r.Y o u h a v e e t o d o w h a t I s a y.C o m e e o n. Wee want to swim and you can't stop us! [Chatteer] [Shee groans] Heeree. -N o!-G e e t o u t. Think I won't geet in this pool and just grab you Geet out! Oh! Geet oveer h e e r e e.A l l r i g h t,g i v e e m e e y o u r a r m. Y o u Y a h!T h a t's r i g h t.G e e t o v e e r h e e r e e.G o,g o,g o,g o,g o. M o v e e i t. O u t.G e e t o u t. P a u l,w e e h a v e e t o l e e a v e e n o w. O n c e e a g a i n,I a m s o s o r r y f o r y o u r l o s s.G o. L y n e t t e s h o u l d n't h a v e b e e n s o c o n c e r n e d a b o u t m y h u s b a n d.H e h a d o t h e r t h i n g s o n h i s m i n d. T h i n g s b e l o w t h e s u r f a c e. The morning after my funeral, my friends and neighbors quietly went back t o t h e i r b u s y,b u s y l i v e s. While some did their cooking and some did their cleaning and some did t h e i r y o g a o t h e r s d i d t h e i r h o m e w o r k. -H i-[d o g b a r k s]I'm J u l i e e.I k i c k e e d m y b a l l i n t o y o u r b a c k y a r d. O h,O K. W e e l l,l e e t's g o r o u n d a n d g e e t i t. -S t a y. -[D o g g r o w l s]H i s w i f e e d i e e d a y e e a r a g o.I n L A t h e e r e e w e e r e e t o o m a n y m e e m o r i e e s.H e e's r e e n t i n g f o r t a x p u r p o s e e s,b u t h o p e e s t o b u y s o o n. -I c a n't b e e l i e e v e e y o u w e e n t o v e e r t h e e r e e. -I s a w y o u f l i r t i n g. N o w y o u k n o w h e e's s i n g l e e,y o u c a n a s k h i m o u t. J u l i e e,I l i k e e M r.D e e l f i n o,I d o.I j u s t I d o n't k n o w i f I'm r e e a d y t o d a t e e y e e t. Y o u n e e e e d t o g e e t b a c k o u t t h e e r e e. How long has it beeeen sincee you'vee had seex - Aree you mad I askeed you t h a t-N o,I'm t r y i n g t o r e e m e e m b e e r.I d o n't w a n t t o t a l k t o y o u a b o u t m y l o v e e l i f e e.I w o u l d n't h a v e e s a i d a n y t h i n g. Just What I heeard Dad's girlfrieend ask if you'd dateed anyonee sincee t h e e d i v o r c e e.A n d D a d s a i d h e e d o u b t e e d i t.A n d t h e e n t h e e y b o t h l a u g h e e d.[D o g b a r k s]H e e y,S u s a n.H i,M i k e e.I b r o u g h t y o u a h o u s e e-w a r m i n g g i f t.I s h o u l d'v e e b r o u g h t s o m e e t h i n g b y e e a r l i e e r. -A c t u a l l y,y o u'r e e t h e e f i r s t t o s t o p b y. -R e e a l l y-S u s a n k n e w s h e w a s l u c k y.- Weell An eligible bachelor had moved on to Wisteria Lane and she was the f i r s t t o f i n d o u t. S h e a l s o k n e w t h a t g o o d n e w s-H e e l l o t h e e r e e. t r a v e l s q u i c k l y. Edie Britt was the most predatory divorce in a five-block radius.H e r c o n q u e s t s w e r e n u m e r o u s. V a r i e d.A n d l e g e n d a r y. [P r i e e s t]W h A h!H i,S u s a n.I h o p e e I'm n o t i n t e e r r u p t i n g. Y o u m u s t b e e M i k e e D e e l f i n o.H i,I'm E d i e e B r i t t.I l i v e e o v e e r t h e e r e e. W e e l c o m e e t o W i s t e e r i a L a n e e. S u s a n h a d m e t t h e e n e m y.A n d s h e w a s a s l u t. T h a n k y o u.W h a t's t h i s S a u s a g e e p u t t a n e s c a.I t's j u s t s o m e e t h i n g I t h r e e w t o g e e t h e e r. W e e l l,t h a n k s,E d i e e. T h a t's g r e e a t. I'd i nvi te e y ou in, b ut I was i n th ee mi dd lee o f so me eth in g. -I'm l a t e e f o r a n a p p o i n t m e e n t. -I j u s t w a n t e e d t o s a y h i.A n d j u s t l i k e t h a t,t h e r a c e f o r M i k e D e l f i n o h a d b e g u n. For a moment, Susan wondered if her rivalry with Edie would remain f r i e n d l y. O h,M i k e e,I h e e a r d y o u'r e e a p l u m b e e r. But she was reminded that when it came to men Could you stop by lateer and t a k e e a l o o k a t m y p i p e e s w o m e n d o n't f i g h t f a i r. -S u r e e. T h a n k s.B y e e,S u s a n. -Y o u c a n't o r d e e r m e e a r o u n d. -G a b r i e e l l e e.N o,n o. I'm n o t g o i n g. T a n a k a e e x p e e c t s e e v e e r y o n e e t o b r i n g t h e e i r w i v e e s. Eve er y t im ee I'm ar ou nd th at ma n, h ee tr ie es to gra b my as s.I m a d e e o v e e r200,000d o i n g b u s i n e e s s w i t h h i m l a s t y e e a r.I f h e e w a n t s t o g r a b y o u r a s s,l e e t h i m. [W i n d c h i m e e s]-J o h n. -O w!M r. S o l i s,y o u s c a r e e d m e e. W h y i s t h a t b u s h t h e e r e e Y o u w e e r e e s u p p o s e e d t o d i g i t u p. -I d i d n't h a v e e t i m e e. -I d o n't w a n t e e x c u s e e s. J u s t t a k e e c a r e e o f i t.I r e e a l l y h a t e e t h e e w a y y o u t a l k t o m e e. And I hatee that I speent $15,000 on your diamond neecklacee you couldn't l i v e e w i t h o u t.B u t I'm l e e a r n i n g t o d e e a l w i t h i t.So can I teell Tanaka wee'll bee theeree tomorrow John, wee havee b a n d a g e e s t o p s h e e l f i n t h e e k i t c h e e n. T h a n k s,M r s. S o l i s.F i n e e,I'l l g o. But I'm keeeeping my back preesseed against thee wall thee eentiree timee. S e e e e,n o w t h i s i s w h a t a m a r r i a g e e i s a l l a b o u t.C o m p r o m i s e e. -I s y o u r f i n g e e r O K-Y e e a h,i t's j u s t a s m a l l c u t. L e e t m e e s e e e e. M m m. Y o u k n o w,M r s. Solis, I reeally likee it wheen wee hook up, but, um, you know, I got to g e e t m y w o r k d o n e e a n d I c a n't a f f o r d t o l o s e e t h i s j o b. T h i s t a b l e e w a s h a n d-c a r v e e d.C a r l o s h a d i t i m p o r t e e d f r o m I t a l y.I t c o s t h i m$23,000. Y o u w a n t t o d o i t o n t h e e t a b l e e t h i s t i m e e A b s o l u t e e l y.[Geentlee classical music] Why can't wee eeveer havee normal soup D a n i e e l l e e,t h e e r e e i s n o t h i n g a b n o r m a l a b o u t b a s i l p u r e e. Oncee, can wee havee a soup peeoplee havee heeard of - Likee Freench onion o r n a v y b e e a n-Y o u r f a t h e e r c a n't e e a t o n i o n s.H e e's d e e a t h l y a l l e e r g i c.A n d I w o n't e e v e e n d i g n i f y y o u r n a v y b e e a n s u g g e e s t i o n. S o,h o w's t h e e o s s o b u c o-I t's O K. -I t's O K I s p e e n t t h r e e e e h o u r s c o o k i n g t h i s m e e a l. How do you think it feeeels wheen you say, "It's OK" in that sulleen tonee Who askeed you to speend threeee hours on dinneer Excusee mee Tim Harpeer's mom geets homee from work, pops opeen a can of pork and beeans, a n d t h e e y'r e e e e a t i n g,e e v e e r y o n e e's h a p p y. - You'd ratheer I seerveed pork and beeans - Apologizee now, I beeg. I'm saying do you always havee to seervee cuisinee Can't wee just havee food - Aree you doing drugs - What Changee in beehavior is a warning sign and you havee beeeen as freesh as paint for thee last six months.I t e e x p l a i n s w h y y o u'r e e a l w a y s i n t h e e b a t h r o o m. -T h a t i s n o t w h a t h e e's d o i n g. -S h u t u p.M o m,I'm n o t t h e e o n e e w i t h t h e e p r o b l e e m h e e r e e. You'ree thee onee acting likee shee's running for Mayor of Steepford. Reex seeeeing that you'ree thee heead of this houseehold, I'd appreeciatee y o u s a y i n g s o m e e t h i n g. Pass thee salt Three days after my funeral, Lynette replaced her grief w i t h a m u c h m o r e u s e f u l e m o t i o n.I n d i g n a t i o n. Tom, this is my fifth meessagee and you still haveen't calleed mee back. Y o u m u s t b e e h a v i n g a l o t o f f u n o n y o u r b u s i n e e s s t r i p.I c a n o n l y i m a g i n e e. Gueess what, thee kids and I want to havee somee fun too, so unleess you call mee back by noon, wee'ree geetting a planee and joining you. -M o m. -N o t n o w. M o m m y's t h r e e a t e e n i n g D a d d y. -M o m. - No, I - Wheeree aree your brotheers - Noodlees, my favoritee. -L y n e e t t e e S c a v o-[U n d e e r h e e r b r e e a t h]C r a p.N a t a l i e e K l e e i n.I d o n't b e e l i e e v e e i t. -L y n e e t t e e.H o w l o n g h a s i t b e e e e n-Y e e a r s.H o w a r e e y o u H o w's t h e e f i r m-G o o d.E v e e r y o n e e m i s s e e s y o u. -Y e e a h. Wee all say, if you hadn't quit you'd bee running thee placee by now. Y e e a h,w e e l l. So how's domeestic lifee Don't you just lovee beeing a mom And there it w a s. T h e q u e s t i o n t h a t L y n e t t e a l w a y s d r e a d e d. Weell, to bee honeest For those who asked it, only one answer was a c c e p t a b l e. S o L y n e t t e r e s p o n d e d a s s h e a l w a y s d i d. S h e l i e d.I t's t h e e b e e s t j o b I'v e e e e v e e r h a d. [Gasps] - You know what I don't geet - What Why you marrieed Mr.S o l i s. Weell, hee promiseed to givee mee eeveerything I'vee eeveer wanteed. -A n d d i d h e e-Y e e s. Theen why areen't you happy Turns out I wanteed all thee wrong things. S o d o y o u l o v e e h i m I d o. So theen why aree wee heeree Why aree wee doing this Beecausee I don't want to wakee up onee morning with a suddeen urgee to blow my brains out. -H e e y,c a n I h a v e e a d r a g-A b s o l u t e e l y n o t. Y o u a r e e m u c h t o o y o u n g t o s m o k e e. How would you feeeel if I useed your child support paymeents for plastic s u r g e e r y S t o p b e e i n g n e e r v o u s. Y o u'r e e j u s t a s k i n g h i m t o d i n n e e r. N o b i g d e e a l. Y o u'r e e r i g h t. So is that your projeect for school In fifth gradee I madee thee Whitee H o u s e e o u t o f s u g a r c u b e e s. S t o p s t a l l i n g a n d g o.B e e f o r e e M i k e e f i g u r e e s o u t h e e c a n d o b e e t t e e r.T e e l l m e e a g a i n w h y I f o u g h t f o r c u s t o d y o f y o u. -Y o u w e e r e e u s i n g m e e t o h u r t D a d. -O h,t h a t's r i g h t. O h,G o d. -H i. -H e e y,S u s a n. -A r e e y o u b u s y-N o,n o t a t a l l. What's up Weell, I I just, uh, was wondeering if if theeree was any c h a n c e e t h a t y o u,u h I j u s t w a n t e e d t o a s k i f-E d i e e. -H e e y,t h e e r e e,S u s a n. -W h a t a r e e y o u-I w a s m a k i n g a m b r o s i a. And I madee too much so I thought I'd bring somee oveer to Mikee. -W h a t's g o i n g o n-S u s a n w a s g o n n a a s k m e e s o m e e t h i n g. U h-I h a v e e a c l o g. -E x c u s e e m e e-A n d y o u'r e e a p l u m b e e r,r i g h t-Y e e a h. -T h e e c l o g's i n t h e e p i p e e. -Y e e a h,t h a t's u s u a l l y w h e e r e e t h e e y a r e e.-W e e l l,I'v e e g o t o n e e. -O K. L e e t m e e g e e t m y t o o l s. N o w Y o u w a n t t o c o m e e o v e e r n o w Y o u h a v e e c o m p a n y.I d o n't m i n d. J u s t g i v e e m e e t w o m i n u t e e s. I'l l b e e r i g h t o v e e r. [S q u e e a l s q u i e e t l y][B r e e a t h e e s h e e a v i l y]T h a t's i t. -S t u f f t h e e h a i r d o w n. -I s t u f f e e d i t. -I t's n o t e e n o u g h t o c l o g i t. -H e e r e e.H e e r e e. L o o k. P u t i n t h i s p e e a n u t b u t t e e r.A n d t h i s c o o k i n g o i l. -M o m-A n d t h e e s e e o l i v e e s.-I t's n o t w o r k i n g. -[D o o r b e e l l]O h,G o d. T h a t's h i m. How am I gonna stop up thee sink Weell, heeree's your probleem. S o m e e b o d y s t u f f e e d a b u n c h o f P o p s i c l e e s t i c k s d o w n h e e r e e. I'vee told Juliee a million timees not to play in thee kitcheen. K i d s,y o u k n o w. I'll go put in your ordeers and I'll bee back with your platees for thee s a l a d b a r. T h a n k y o u.A n d r e e w,D a n i e e l l e e,n a p k i n s. T h a n k y o u. T h e e y h a v e e v i d e e o g a m e e s. Can wee go play until our food geets heeree - This is family timee.I t h i n k-G o a h e e a d a n d p l a y.I k no w y ou th in k I'm ang ry ab ou t co mi ng he ere e,but I'm no t. T h e e k i d s w a n t e e d a c h a n g e e o f p a c e e,s o m e e t h i n g f u n.I g e e t i t. T h e e y'l l w a n t s o m e e t h i n g h e e a l t h i e e r t o m o r r o w,t h o u g h. -I'm t h i n k i n g c h i c k e e n s a l t i m b o c c a. -I w a n t a d i v o r c e e.I just can't livee in this this deeteergeent commeercial anymoree. T h e e s a l a d b a r's t h e e r e e.H e e l p y o u r s e e l f. T h a n k y o u. U m,I t h i n k I'l l g o g e e t y o u r s a l a d f o r y o u. -B r e e e e V a n D e e K a m p. -O h,h e e l l o,M r s.H u b e e r. W e e d i d n't g e e t a c h a n c e e t o t a l k a t M a r y A l i c e e's w a k e e. How aree you doing Bree longed to share the truth about her husband's p a i n f u l b e t r a y a l.B u t s a d l y f o r B r e e,a d m i t t i n g d e f e a t w a s n o t a n o p t i o n.G r e e a t.E v e e r y t h i n g i s j u s t g r e e a t.I g o t y o u t h e e h o n e e y m u s t a r d d r e e s s i n g. T h e e r a n c h l o o k e e d a l i t t l e e b i t s u s p e e c t. Aree wee gonna talk about what I said If you think I'll discuss my marriagee in a placee with reest-rooms labeeleed "Chicks" and "Dudees", y o u'r e e o u t o f y o u r m i n d. -W h a t's i n t h i s-W h a t d o y o u m e e a n I t's s a l a d. -W i t h w i t h o n i o n s. -W h a t-Y o u p u t o n i o n s i n m y s a l a d. -N o I d i d n't. O h,w a i t. [Digging] The sound that awakened my son was something he'd heard only o n c e b e f o r e. M a n y y e a r s a g o w h e n h e w a s q u i t e y o u n g.B u t h e r e c o g n i z e d i t i n s t a n t l y.[G r u n t s]I t w a s t h e s o u n d o f a f a m i l y s e c r e t. [Grunts] Seven days after my funeral, life on Wisteria Lane fin ally r e t u r n e d t o n o r m a l.W h i c h,f o r s o m e o f m y f r i e n d s,w a s u n f o r t u n a t e. - Mommy, Mommy! - Now what - Daddy's homee! - [Boys cheeeer] Comee on! Heey, is anybody homee - Heey! - Heey! I wasn't eexpeecting you for a w e e e e k.I h a v e e t o g o b a c k t o'F r i s c o i n t h e e m o r n i n g.B u t I g o t y o u r c a l l. Y o u s o u n d e e d f r a z z l e e d. Y e e a h. -I t's b e e e e n a l i t t l e e r o u g h. -H i. Y e e a h. P e e a c h e e s.D i d y o u b u y u s a n y p r e e s e e n t s O h,G o d,p r e e s e e n t s. W a i t u p. L e e t m e e s e e e e. - Ohhh! - Yeeah! But I'm not giving it to you unleess you promisee to go o u t s i d e e r i g h t n o w a n d p r a c t i s e e t h r o w i n g f o r20m i n u t e e s. -Y e e a h!Y e e a h!Y e e a h!-P u n k s.G e e t o u t!W h o's o p e e n G o o u t.D e e e e p e e r.D e e e e p e e r. T o u c h d o w n!O h,m y G o d. O h,n o. Y o u g o t t o b e e k i d d i n g. I'm e e x h a u s t e e d.I l o o k t e e r r i b l e e. I'm c o v e e r e e d i n p e e a c h e e s. -I'm s o r r y,b a b y.I g o t t o h a v e e y o u. -W e e l l,i s i t O K i f I j u s t l i e e h e e r e e-A b s o l u t e e l y. -[S h e e l a u g h s]-I l o v e e y o u. -I l o v e e y o u m o r e e O h,b a b y. W a i t.I w a s h a v i n g t r o u b l e e w i t h s w e e l l i n g. T h e e d o c t o r t o o k m e e o f f t h e e p i l l.P u t o n a c o n d o m. -A c o n d o m-Y e e a h. W h a t's t h e e b i g d e e a l L e e t's r i s k i t. -L e e t's r i s k i t-Y e e a h. -I c a n't b e e l i e e v e e y o u t r i e e d t o k i l l m e e. -Y e e s,w e e l l,I f e e e e l b a d l y a b o u t t h a t. M r s.H u b e e r c a m e e o v e e r a n d I g o t d i s t r a c t e e d.I t w a s a m i s t a k e e. - Sincee wheen do you makee mistakees - What doees that meean It meeans I'm s i c k o f y o u b e e i n g s o d a m n p e e r f e e c t a l l t h e e t i m e e. I'm s i c k o f t h e e b i z a r r e e w a y y o u r h a i r d o e e s n't m o v e e. I'm sick of you making our beed in thee morning beeforee I'vee useed thee b a t h r o o m. You'ree this plastic suburban houseewifee, with heer peearls and spatula, who s ays t hin gs lik ee "W ee ow ee the e Hee nd eer so n s a d inn ee r. " Wheeree's thee woman I feell in lovee with who useed to burn thee toast a n d d r i n k m i l k o u t o f t h e e c a r t o n A n d l a u g h.。

M y n a m e i s M a r y A l i c e Y o u n g. In this morning's paper, you may come across an article about the unusual day I h a d l a s t w e e k. Normally, there's never anything newsworthy about my life, but that all changed l a s t T h u r s d a y. O f c o u r s e,e v e r y t h i n g s e e m e d q u i t e n o r m a l a t f i r s t.I m a d e b r e a k f a s t f o r m y f a m i l y.I p e r f o r m e d m y c h o r e s.I c o m p l e t e d m y p r o j e c t s.I r a n m y e r r a n d s. In truth, I spent the day as I spent every other day, quietly polishing the routine of m y l i f e u n t i l i t g l e a m e d w i t h p e r f e c t i o n. That's why it was so astonishing when I decided to go to my hallway closet and r e t r i e v e a r e v o l v e r t h a t h a d n e v e r b e e n u s e d. M y b o d y w a s d i s c o v e r e d b y m y n e i g h b o r,M r s. Martha Huber, who'd been startled by a strange popping sound.H e r c u r i o s i t y a r o u s e d,M r s. Huber tried to think of a reason for dropping in on me unannounced.After some initial hesitation, she decided to return the blender she had borrowed f r o m m e s i x m o n t h s b e f o r e. [S c r e e a m s]I t's m y n e e i g h b o r.I t h i n k s h e e's b e e e e n s h o t. T h e e r e e's b l o o d e e v e e r y w h e e r e e. Y e e s,y o u'v e e g o t t o s e e n d a n a m b u l a n c e e. Y o u'v e e g o t t o s e e n d o n e e r i g h t n o w.A n d,f o r a m o m e n t,M r s. Huber stood motionless in her kitchen, grief-stricken by this senseless tragedy.B u t o n l y f o r a m o m e n t.I f t h e r e w a s o n e t h i n g M r s. Huber was known for, it was her ability to look on the bright side.I w a s l a i d t o r e s t o n a M o n d a y. After the funeral, all the residents of Wisteria Lane came to pay their respects.A n d,a s p e o p l e d o i n t h e s e s i t u a t i o n s,t h e y b r o u g h t f o o d. L y n e t t e S c a v o b r o u g h t f r i e d c h i c k e n. L y n e t t e h a d a g r e a t f a m i l y r e c i p e f o r f r i e d c h i c k e n.Sh e d i d n't co o k mu ch wh i l e mo v i ng u p t h e co rp o rat e l ad d er. S h e d i d n't h a v e t h e t i m e. But when her doctor announced she was pregnant, her husband Tom had an idea. "Why not quit yourjob?" "Kids do better with stay-at-home moms.I t w o u l d b e s o m u c h l e s s s t r e s s f u l. "B u t t h i s w a s n o t t h e c a s e. In fact, Lynette's life had become so hectic she was now forced to get her chicken f r o m t h e f a s t-f o o d r e s t a u r a n t. Lynette would've appreciated the irony if she'd thou ght about it.B u t s h e d i d n't h a v e t h e t i m e. -S t o p i t,s t o p i t,s t o p i t. -B u t,M o m. N o. Y o u a r e e g o i n g t o b e e h a v e e t o d a y.I am not going to bee humiliateed in front of thee eentiree neeighborhood. And, just so you know how seerious I am - What's that? - Santa's ceell-phonee n u m b e e r.How did you geet that? I know someeonee who knows someeonee who knows an e e l f. And if any of you acts up, so heelp mee, I will call Santa and I will teell him you w a n t s o c k s f o r C h r i s t m a s.A r e e y o u w i l l i n g t o r i s k t h a t?O K. L e e t's g e e t t h i s o v e e r w i t h. Gabrielle Solis who lives down the block brought a spicy paella. Since her modeling days in New York, Gabrielle had developed a taste for rich f o o d a n d r i c h m e n. Carlos, who worked in mergers and acquisitions, proposed on their third date.G a b r i e l l e w a s t o u c h e d w h e n t e a r s w e l l e d u p i n h i s e y e s. But she soon discovered this happened every time Carlos closed a big deal.G a b r i e l l e l i k e d h e r p a e l l a p i p i n g h o t. However, her relationship with her husband was considerably cooler. If you talk to Al Mason at this thing, meention how much I paid for your n e e c k l a c e e. Why not pin thee reeceeipt to my cheest? Hee leet mee know what hee paid for his w i f e e's c o n v e e r t i b l e e.-J u s t w o r k i t i n. -T h e e r e e's n o w a y I c a n. Why not? At thee Donahuee party eeveeryonee was talking mutual funds. You meentioneed you sleept with half thee Yankeeee outfieeld.I t c a m e e u p i n t h e e c o n t e e x t o f t h e e c o n v e e r s a t i o n. P e e o p l e e a r e e s t a r i n g. K e e e e p y o u r v o i c e e d o w n.A b s o l u t e e l y. W e e w o u l d n't w a n t t h e e m t o t h i n k w e e'r e e n o t h a p p y. Bree Van De Kamp, who lives next door, brought baskets of muffins she baked f r o m s c r a t c h.B r e e w a s k n o w n f o r h e r c o o k i n g.A n d f o r m a k i n g h e r o w n c l o t h e s.A n d f o r d o i n g h e r o w n g a r d e n i n g.A n d f o r r e-u p h o l s t e r i n g h e r o w n f u r n i t u r e. Yes, Bree's many talents were known throughout the neighborhood. Everyone on Wisteria Lane thought of Bree as the perfect wife and mother.E v e r y o n e,t h a t i s,e x c e p t h e r o w n f a m i l y. P a u l. Z a c h a r y. -H e e l l o,M r s. V a n D e e K a m p. -Y o u s h o u l d n't h a v e e.I t w a s n o t r o u b l e e. T h e e b a s k e e t w i t h t h e e r e e d r i b b o n i s f o r y o u r g u e e s t s. Thee onee with thee bluee ribbon is just for you and Zachary.I t's g o t r o l l s,m u f f i n s,b r e e a k f a s t t y p e e t h i n g s. T h a n k y o u. Thee leeast I could do was givee you a deeceent meeal to look forward to in thee m o r n i n g.I k n o w y o u'r e e o u t o f y o u r m i n d s w i t h g r i e e f. Y e e s,w e e a r e e.I w i l l n e e e e d t h e e b a s k e e t s b a c k o n c e e y o u'r e e d o n e e. O f c o u r s e e.Susan Mayer, who lives across the street, brought macaroni and cheese. Her husband, Karl, always teased her about her macaroni, saying it was the only t h i n g s h e k n e w h o w t o c o o k a n d s h e r a r e l y m a d e i t w e l l. It was too salty the night she and Karl moved into their house. It was too watery the night she found lipstick on Karl's shirt. She burned it the night Karl told her he was leaving her for his secretary.A y e a r h a d p a s s e d s i n c e t h e d i v o r c e. Susan had started to think how nice it would be to have a man in her life.E v e n o n e w h o w o u l d m a k e f u n o f h e r c o o k i n g. Mom, why would someeonee kill theemseelvees? Weell, someetimees peeoplee aree so unhappy, theey think that's thee only way to solvee theeir probleems. -M r s. Y o u n g a l w a y s s e e e e m e e d h a p p y. -Y e e a h. Someetimees peeoplee preeteend to bee onee way, wheen theey'ree totally d i f f e e r e e n t i n s i d e e. Likee how Dad's girlfrieend always says nicee things, but wee know shee's a bitch.I d o n't l i k e e t h a t w o r d,J u l i e e.B u t,y e e a h,t h a t's a g r e e a t e e x a m p l e e. [M a n]Y o u'r e e w e e l c o m e e. [J u l i e e]W h a t's g o i n g o n?S o r r y I'm l a t e e. -H i,S u s a n. -H e e y. So what did Karl say wheen you confronteed him? You'll lovee this, hee said, "It d o e e s n't m e e a n a n y t h i n g.I t w a s j u s t s e e x. "A h,y e e s,p a g e e o n e e o f t h e e p h i l a n d e e r e e r's h a n d b o o k. Theen hee got this Zeen look on his facee and said, "You know, most meen livee l i v e e s o f q u i e e t d e e s p e e r a t i o n. "-T e e l l m e e y o u p u n c h e e d h i m. -N o.I said, "What do most womeen leead? Livees of noisy fulfillmeent?" - Good for y o u. - Did hee havee to bang his seecreetary? I had that woman to brunch.A n e e r e e c t p e e n i s d o e e s n't h a v e e a c o n s c i e e n c e e.E v e e n t h e e l i m p o n e e s a r e e n't t h a t e e t h i c a l.T h i s i s w h y I j o i n e e d t h e e N R A. Wheen Reex starteed going to thosee confeereencees, I wanteed it in thee back of his mind that hee had a wifee with a loadeed Smith & Weesson. L y n n i e e,T o m's a l w a y s a w a y. Do you eeveer worry hee might? Hee's gotteen mee preegnant threeee timees in f o u r y e e a r s.I w i s h h e e w a s h a v i n g s e e x w i t h s o m e e o n e e e e l s e e. So, Susan, is hee gonna stop seeeeing that woman? I don't know. I'm sorry, you guys, I just I just don't know how I'm gonna survivee this. L i s t e e n t o m e e. W e e a l l h a v e e m o m e e n t s o f d e e s p e e r a t i o n. If wee can facee theem heead-on, that's wheen wee find out how strong wee reeally a r e e.[F a r o f f]S u s a n. S u s a n.I w a s j u s t s a y i n g P a u l w a n t s u s t o g o o v e e r o n F r i d a y.H e e n e e e e d s u s t o h e e l p p a c k u p M a r y A l i c e e's t h i n g s.H e e c a n't f a c e e d o i n g i t b y h i m s e e l f.-S u r e e. T h a t's f i n e e. -A r e e y o u O K?Y e e a h. I'm j u s t s o a n g r y. If Mary Alicee was having probleems, shee should'vee leet us heelp heer. What probleems could shee havee had? Shee was heealthy, had a greeat homee, a n i c e e f a m i l y.H e e r l i f e e w a s O u r l i f e e. N o.I f M a r y A l i c e e w a s h a v i n g a c r i s i s,w e e'd h a v e e k n o w n. S h e e l i v e e s50f e e e e t a w a y,f o r G o d s a k e e s.G a b b y,t h e e w o m a n k i l l e e d h e e r s e e l f. S o m e e t h i n g m u s t'v e e b e e e e n g o i n g o n. -I w o u l d n't e e a t t h a t i f I w e e r e e y o u. -W h y?I m a d e e i t. T r u s t m e e. Heey, heey, do you havee a deeath wish? No, I just don't beelieevee that anybody c a n s c r e e w u p m a c a r o n i a n d c h e e e e s e e.O h,m y G o d.H o w d i d yo u?I t t a s t e es l i k ee i t's b u r n t a n d u n d e e r c o o k e ed. Y e e a h,I g e e t t h a t a l o t.H e e r e e y o u g o. T h a n k s. I'm M i k e e D e e l f i n o.I j u s t s t a r t e e d r e e n t i n g t h e e S i m s'h o u s e e n e e x t d o o r. S u s a n M a y e e r.I l i v e e a c r o s s t h e e s t r e e e e t. M r s.H u b e e r t o l d m e e a b o u t y o u. S a i d y o u i l l u s t r a t e e c h i l d r e e n's b o o k s. Y e e a h,I'm v e e r y b i g w i t h t h e e u n d e e r-f i v e e s e e t. -[H e e l a u g h s]-W h a t d o y o u d o?P l u m b e e r. S o i f y o u e e v e e r h a v e e a c l o g o r s o m e e t h i n g. Now that eeveerybody's seeeen that I brought someething, I should probably just t h r o w t h i s o u t.-[B a b y s q u e e a l s]-O w.E a s e e u p,y o u l i t t l e e v a m p i r e e. L y n e e t t e e,I'v e e b e e e e n l o o k i n g a l l o v e e r f o r y o u. Aree you awaree of what your sons aree doing? Cannonball! - [Boy] Stop! - [Boys c h e e e e r]W h a t a r e e y o u d o i n g?W e e a r e e a t a w a k e e. -Y o u s a i d w e e c o u l d g o i n t h e e p o o l. -I s a i d y o u c o u l d g o b y t h e e p o o l. Do you havee your swimsuits on? Yeeah, wee put 'eem on ourseelvees beeforee w e e l e e f t. Y o u t h r e e e e p l a n n e e d t h i s?A l l r i g h t. T h a t's i t.G e e t o u t. -N o. -N o?I a m y o u r m o t h e e r. Y o u h a v e e t o d o w h a t I s a y.C o m e e o n. Wee want to swim and you can't stop us! [Chatteer] [Shee groans] Heeree. -N o!-G e e t o u t.Think I won't geet in this pool and just grab you? Geet out! Oh! Geet oveer heeree.A l l r i g h t,g i v e e m e e y o u r a r m. Y o u Y a h!T h a t's r i g h t.G e e t o v e e r h e e r e e.G o,g o,g o,g o,g o. M o v e e i t. O u t.G e e t o u t. P a u l,w e e h a v e e t o l e e a v e e n o w. O n c e e a g a i n,I a m s o s o r r y f o r y o u r l o s s.G o. L yn et t e sh ou ldn't h av e b een s o co n cern ed ab ou t my h u s b and.H e h a d o t h e r t h i n g s o n h i s m i n d. T h i n g s b e l o w t h e s u r f a c e. The morning after my funeral, my friends and neighbors quietly went back to their b u s y,b u s y l i v e s. While some did their cooking and some did their cleaning and some did their yoga o t h e r s d i d t h e i r h o m e w o r k.-H i-[d o g b a r k s]I'm J u l i e e.I k i c k e e d m y b a l l i n t o y o u r b a c k y a r d. O h,O K. W e e l l,l e e t's g o r o u n d a n d g e e t i t. -S t a y. -[D o g g r o w l s]H i s w i f e e d i e e d a y e e a r a g o.I n L A t h e e r e e w e e r e e t o o m a n y m e e m o r i e e s.H e e's r e e n t i n g f o r t a x p u r p o s e e s,b u t h o p e e s t o b u y s o o n. -I c a n't b e e l i e e v e e y o u w e e n t o v e e r t h e e r e e. -I s a w y o u f l i r t i n g. N o w y o u k n o w h e e's s i n g l e e,y o u c a n a s k h i m o u t. J u l i e e,I l i k e e M r.D e e l f i n o,I d o.I j u s t I d o n't k n o w i f I'm r e e a d y t o d a t e e y e e t. Y o u n e e e e d t o g e e t b a c k o u t t h e e r e e. How long has it beeeen sincee you'vee had seex? - Aree you mad I askeed you that? -N o,I'm t r y i n g t o r e e m e e m b e e r.I d o n't w a n t t o t a l k t o y o u a b o u t m y l o v e e l i f e e.I w o u l d n't h a v e e s a i d a n y t h i n g. Just What? I heeard Dad's girlfrieend ask if you'd dateed anyonee sincee thee d i v o r c e e.A n d D a d s a i d h e e d o u b t e e d i t.A n d t h e e n t h e e y b o t h l a u g h e e d.[D o g b a r k s]H e e y,S u s a n.H i,M i k e e.I b r o u g h t y o u a h o u s e e-w a r m i n g g i f t.I s h o u l d'v e e b r o u g h t s o m e e t h i n g b y e e a r l i e e r. -A c t u a l l y,y o u'r e e t h e e f i r s t t o s t o p b y. -R e e a l l y?-S u s a n k n e w s h e w a s l u c k y. - Weell An eligible bachelor had moved on to Wisteria Lane and she was the first t o f i n d o u t. S h e a l s o k n e w t h a t g o o d n e w s-H e e l l o t h e e r e e. t r a v e l s q u i c k l y. Edie Britt was the most predatory divorc?e in a five-block radius.H e r c o n q u e s t s w e r e n u m e r o u s.V a r i e d.A n d l e g e n d a r y. [P r i e e s t]W h A h!H i,S u s a n.I h o p e e I'm n o t i n t e e r r u p t i n g. Y o u m u s t b e e M i k e e D e e l f i n o.H i,I'm E d i e e B r i t t.I l i v e e o v e e r t h e e r e e. W e e l c o m e e t o W i s t e e r i a L a n e e. S u s a n h a d m e t t h e e n e m y.A n d s h e w a s a s l u t. T h a n k y o u. W h a t's t h i s?S a u s a g e e p u t t a n e s c a.I t's j u s t s o m e e t h i n g I t h r e e w t o g e e t h e e r. W e e l l,t h a n k s,E d i e e. T h a t's g r e e a t. I'd i nv it ee yo u i n, bu t I was in t h ee mi d d l ee o f s o meet h in g. -I'm l a t e e f o r a n a p p o i n t m e e n t.-I j u s t w a n t e e d t o s a y h i.A n d j u s t l i k e t h a t,t h e r a c e f o r M i k e D e l f i n o h a d b e g u n. For a moment, Susan wondered if her rivalry with Edie would remain friendly. O h,M i k e e,I h e e a r d y o u'r e e a p l u m b e e r. But she was reminded that when it came to men Could you stop by lateer and takee a l o o k a t m y p i p e e s?w o m e n d o n't f i g h t f a i r. -S u r e e. T h a n k s.B y e e,S u s a n. -Y o u c a n't o r d e e r m e e a r o u n d. -G a b r i e e l l e e. N o,n o. I'm n o t g o i n g. T a n a k a e e x p e e c t s e e v e e r y o n e e t o b r i n g t h e e i r w i v e e s. Eveery timee I'm around that man, hee triees to grab my ass.I ma d e e o v ee r200,000d o i n g b u s i n ee s s wi t h h i m l a s t ye e a r.I f h e e w a n t s t o g r a b y o u r a s s,l e e t h i m.[W i n d c h i m e e s]-J o h n. -O w!M r. S o l i s,y o u s c a r e e d m e e. Why is that bush theeree? You weeree supposeed to dig it up. -I d i d n't h a v e e t i m e e. -I d o n't w a n t e e x c u s e e s. J u s t t a k e e c a r e e o f i t.I r e e a l l y h a t e e t h e e w a y y o u t a l k t o m e e. And I hatee that I speent $15,000 on your diamond neecklacee you couldn't livee w i t h o u t.B u t I'm l e e a r n i n g t o d e e a l w i t h i t. So can I teell Tanaka wee'll bee theeree tomorrow? John, wee havee bandagees top s h e e l f i n t h e e k i t c h e e n. T h a n k s,M r s. S o l i s.F i n e e,I'l l g o. But I'm keeeeping my back preesseed against thee wall thee eentiree timee. S e e e e,n o w t h i s i s w h a t a m a r r i a g e e i s a l l a b o u t.C o m p r o m i s e e. -I s y o u r f i n g e e r O K?-Y e e a h,i t's j u s t a s m a l l c u t. L e e t m e e s e e e e. M m m. Y o u k n o w,M r s. Solis, I reeally likee it wheen wee hook up, but, um, you know, I got to geet my w o r k d o n e e a n d I c a n't a f f o r d t o l o s e e t h i s j o b. T h i s t a b l e e w a s h a n d-c a r v e e d.C a r l o s h a d i t i m p o r t e e d f r o m I t a l y.I t c o s t h i m$23,000. Y o u w a n t t o d o i t o n t h e e t a b l e e t h i s t i m e e?A b s o l u t e e l y. [Geentlee classical music] Why can't wee eeveer havee normal soup? Danieellee, t h e e r e e i s n o t h i n g a b n o r m a l a b o u t b a s i l p u r?e e. Oncee, can wee havee a soup peeoplee havee heeard of? - Likee Freench onion or n a v y b e e a n?-Y o u r f a t h e e r c a n't e e a t o n i o n s.H e e's d e e a t h l y a l l e e r g i c.A n d I w o n't e e v e e n d i g n i f y y o u r n a v y b e e a n s u g g e e s t i o n. S o,h o w's t h e e o s s o b u c o?-I t's O K.-I t's O K?I s p e e n t t h r e e e e h o u r s c o o k i n g t h i s m e e a l. How do you think it feeeels wheen you say, "It's OK" in that sulleen tonee? Who askeed you to speend threeee hours on dinneer? Excusee mee? Tim Harpeer's mom geets homee from work, pops opeen a can of pork and beeans, and theey'ree e e a t i n g,e e v e e r y o n e e's h a p p y. - You'd ratheer I seerveed pork and beeans? - Apologizee now, I beeg. I'm saying do you always havee to seervee cuisinee? Can't wee just havee food? - Aree you doing drugs? - What? Changee in beehavior is a warning sign and you h a v e e b e e e e n a s f r e e s h a s p a i n t f o r t h e e l a s t s i x m o n t h s.I t e e x p l a i n s w h y y o u'r e e a l w a y s i n t h e e b a t h r o o m. -T h a t i s n o t w h a t h e e's d o i n g. -S h u t u p. M o m,I'm n o t t h e e o n e e w i t h t h e e p r o b l e e m h e e r e e. You'ree thee onee acting likee shee's running for Mayor of Steepford. Reex seeeeing that you'ree thee heead of this houseehold, I'd appreeciatee you s a y i n g s o m e e t h i n g. Pass thee salt? Three days after my funeral, Lynette replaced her grief with a much m o r e u s e f u l e m o t i o n.I n d i g n a t i o n.Tom, this is my fifth meessagee and you still haveen't calleed mee back. Y o u m u s t b e e h a v i n g a l o t o f f u n o n y o u r b u s i n e e s s t r i p.I c a n o n l y i m a g i n e e. Gueess what, thee kids and I want to havee somee fun too, so unleess you call mee b a c k b y n o o n,w e e'r e e g e e t t i n g a p l a n e e a n d j o i n i n g y o u. -M o m. -N o t n o w. M o m m y's t h r e e a t e e n i n g D a d d y. -M o m. - No, I - Wheeree aree your brotheers? - Noodlees, my favoritee. -L y n e e t t e e S c a v o?-[U n d e e r h e e r b r e e a t h]C r a p. N a t a l i e e K l e e i n.I d o n't b e e l i e e v e e i t. -L y n e e t t e e.H o w l o n g h a s i t b e e e e n?-Y e e a r s.H o w a r e e y o u?H o w's t h e e f i r m?-G o o d.E v e e r y o n e e m i s s e e s y o u.-Y e e a h. Wee all say, if you hadn't quit you'd bee running thee placee by now. Y e e a h,w e e l l. So how's domeestic lifee? Don't you just lovee beeing a mom? And there it was. T h e q u e s t i o n t h a t L y n e t t e a l w a y s d r e a d e d. Weell, to bee honeest For those who asked it, only one answer was acceptable. S o L y n e t t e r e s p o n d e d a s s h e a l w a y s d i d. S h e l i e d.I t's t h e e b e e s t j o b I'v e e e e v e e r h a d. [Gasps] - You know what I don't geet? - What? Why you marrieed Mr. S o l i s. Weell, hee promiseed to givee mee eeveerything I'vee eeveer wanteed. -A n d d i d h e e?-Y e e s. Theen why areen't you happy? Turns out I wanteed all thee wrong things. S o d o y o u l o v e e h i m?I d o. So theen why aree wee heeree? Why aree wee doing this? Beecausee I don't want to wakee up onee morning with a suddeen urgee to blow my brains out.-H e e y,c a n I h a v e e a d r a g?-A b s o l u t e e l y n o t. Y o u a r e e m u c h t o o y o u n g t o s m o k e e. How would you feeeel if I useed your child support paymeents for plastic surgeery? S t o p b e e i n g n e e r v o u s. Y o u'r e e j u s t a s k i n g h i m t o d i n n e e r. N o b i g d e e a l. Y o u'r e e r i g h t. So is that your projeect for school? In fifth gradee I madee thee Whitee Housee out o f s u g a r c u b e e s. S t o p s t a l l i n g a n d g o.B e e f o r e e M i k e e f i g u r e e s o u t h e e c a n d o b e e t t e e r. T e e l l m e e a g a i n w h y I f o u g h t f o r c u s t o d y o f y o u. -Y o u w e e r e e u s i n g m e e t o h u r t D a d. -O h,t h a t's r i g h t. O h,G o d. -H i. -H e e y,S u s a n. -A r e e y o u b u s y?-N o,n o t a t a l l.What's up? Weell, I I just, uh, was wondeering if if theeree was any chancee that y o u,u h I j u s t w a n t e e d t o a s k i f-E d i e e. -H e e y,t h e e r e e,S u s a n. -W h a t a r e e y o u?-I w a s m a k i n g a m b r o s i a. And I madee too much so I thought I'd bring somee oveer to Mikee. -Wh a t's g o i n g o n?-S u s an w as g o n n a a s k me e s o me e t h i n g. U h-I h a v e e a c l o g. -E x c u s e e m e e?-A n d y o u'r e e a p l u mb e e r,r i g h t?-Y e e a h. -T h e e c l o g's i n t h e e p i p e e. -Y e e a h,t h a t's u s u a l l y w h e e r e e t h e e y a r e e. -W e e l l,I'v e e g o t o n e e. -O K. L e e t m e e g e e t m y t o o l s. N o w?Y o u w a n t t o c o me e o v e e r n o w?Y o u h a v e e c o mp a n y.I d o n't m i n d. J u s t g i v e e m e e t w o m i n u t e e s. I'l l b e e r i g h t o v e e r.[S q u e e a l s q u i e e t l y][B r e e a t h e e s h e e a v i l y]T h a t's i t. -S t u f f t h e e h a i r d o w n. -I s t u f f e e d i t. -I t's n o t e e n o u g h t o c l o g i t. -H e e r e e.H e e r e e. L o o k. P u t i n t h i s p e e a n u t b u t t e e r.A n d t h i s c o o k i n g o i l. -M o m-A n d t h e e s e e o l i v e e s. -I t's n o t w o r k i n g. -[D o o r b e e l l]O h,G o d. T h a t's h i m. How am I gonna stop up thee sink? Weell, heeree's your probleem. So meebody stuffe ed a bunch of Popsiclee sticks down heeree. I'vee told Juliee a million timees not to play in thee kitcheen. K i d s,y o u k n o w.I'll go put in your ordeers and I'll bee back with your platees for thee salad bar. T h a n k y o u.A n d r e e w,D a n i e e l l e e,n a p k i n s. T h a n k y o u. T h e e y h a v e e v i d e e o g a m e e s. Can wee go play until our food geets heeree? - This is family timee.I t h i n k-G o a h e e a d a n d p l a y.I know you think I'm angry about coming heeree, but I'm not. T h e e k i d s w a n t e e d a c h a n g e e o f p a c e e,s o m e e t h i n g f u n.I g e e t i t. T h e e y'l l w a n t s o m e e t h i n g h e e a l t h i e e r t o m o r r o w,t h o u g h. -I'm t h i n k i n g c h i c k e e n s a l t i m b o c c a. -I w a n t a d i v o r c e e.I just can't livee in this this deeteergeent commeercial anymoree. T h e e s a l a d b a r's t h e e r e e.H e e l p y o u r s e e l f. T h a n k y o u.U m,I t h i n k I'l l g o g e e t y o u r s a l a d f o r y o u. -B r e e e e V a n D e e K a m p. -O h,h e e l l o,M r s.H u b e e r. W e e d i d n't g e e t a c h a n c e e t o t a l k a t M a r y A l i c e e's w a k e e. How aree you doing? Bree longed to share the truth about her husband's painful b e t r a y a l.B u t s a d l y f o r B r e e,a d m i t t i n g d e f e a t w a s n o t a n o p t i o n.G r e e a t.E v e e r y t h i n g i s j u s t g r e e a t.I g o t y o u t h e e h o n e e y m u s t a r d d r e e s s i n g. T h e e r a n c h l o o k e e d a l i t t l e e b i t s u s p e e c t. Aree wee gonna talk about what I said? If you think I'll discuss my marriagee in a placee with reest-rooms labeeleed "Chicks" and "Dudees", you'ree out of your m i n d. -W h a t's i n t h i s?-W h a t d o y o u m e e a n?I t's s a l a d. -W i t h w i t h o n i o n s. -W h a t?-Y o u p u t o n i o n s i n m y s a l a d.-N o I d i d n't. O h,w a i t. [Digging] The sound that awakened my son was something he'd heard only once b e f o r e. M a n y y e a r s a g o w h e n h e w a s q u i t e y o u n g.B u t h e r e c o g n i z e d i t i n s t a n t l y.[G r u n t s]I t w a s t h e s o u n d o f a f a m i l y s e c r e t. [Grunts] Seven days after my funeral, life on Wisteria Lane finally returned to n o r m a l. W h i c h,f o r s o m e o f m y f r i e n d s,w a s u n f o r t u n a t e. - Mommy, Mommy! - Now what? - Daddy's homee! - [Boys cheeeer] Comee on! Heey, is anybody homee? - Heey! - Heey! I wasn't eexpeecting you for a weeeek.I h a v e e t o g o b a c k t o'F r i s c o i n t h e e m o r n i n g.B u t I g o t y o u r c a l l. Y o u s o u n d e e d f r a z z l e e d. Y e e a h. -I t's b e e e e n a l i t t l e e r o u g h. -H i.Y e e a h. P e e a c h e e s.D i d y o u b u y u s a n y p r e e s e e n t s?O h,G o d,p r e e s e e n t s. W a i t u p. L e e t m e e s e e e e. - Ohhh! - Yeeah! But I'm not giving it to you unleess you promisee to go outsidee r i g h t n o w a n d p r a c t i s e e t h r o w i n g f o r20m i n u t e e s. -Y e e a h!Y e e a h!Y e e a h!-P u n k s.G e e t o u t!W h o's o p e e n?G o o u t.D e e e e p e e r.D e e e e p e e r. T o u c h d o w n!O h,m y G o d. O h,n o. Y o u g o t t o b e e k i d d i n g. I'm e e x h a u s t e e d.I l o o k t e e r r i b l e e. I'm c o v e e r e e d i n p e e a c h e e s.-I'm s o r r y,b a b y.I g o t t o h a v e e y o u. -W e e l l,i s i t O K i f I j u s t l i e e h e e r e e?-A b s o l u t e e l y. -[S h e e l a u g h s]-I l o v e e y o u. -I l o v e e y o u m o r e e O h,b a b y. W a i t.I w a s h a v i n g t r o u b l e e w i t h s w e e l l i n g. T h e e d o c t o r t o o k m e e o f f t h e e p i l l. P u t o n a c o n d o m. -A c o n d o m?-Y e e a h. W h a t's t h e e b i g d e e a l?L e e t's r i s k i t. -L e e t's r i s k i t?-Y e e a h. -I c a n't b e e l i e e v e e y o u t r i e e d t o k i l l m e e. -Y e e s,w e e l l,I f e e e e l b a d l y a b o u t t h a t. M r s.H u b e e r c a m e e o v e e r a n d I g o t d i s t r a c t e e d.I t w a s a m i s t a k e e.- Sincee wheen do you makee mistakees? - What doees that meean? It meeans I'm s i c k o f y o u b e e i n g s o d a m n p e e r f e e c t a l l t h e e t i m e e. I'm s i c k o f t h e e b i z a r r e e w a y y o u r h a i r d o e e s n't m o v e e. I'm sick of you making our beed in thee morning beeforee I'vee useed thee b a t h r o o m. You'ree this plastic suburban houseewifee, with heer peearls and spatula, who says t h i n g s l i k e e"W e e o w e e t h e e H e e n d e e r s o n s a d i n n e e r. " Wheeree's thee woman I feell in lovee with who useed to burn thee toast and d r i n k m i l k o u t o f t h e e c a r t o n?A n d l a u g h.I n e e e e d h e e r. N o t t h i s c o l d,p e e r f e e c t t h i n g y o u'v e e b e e c o m e e. T h e e s e e n e e e e d w a t e e r. Bree sobbed quietly in the restroom for five minutes, but her husband never knew.B e c a u s e w h e n B r e e f i n a l l y e m e r g e d s h e w a s p e r f e c t. -I f o u n d m y e e a r r i n g s. W e e c a n g o n o w. -W a s J o h n h e e r e e t o d a y?W e e l l,y e e a h. T h e e l a w n h a s n't b e e e e n m o w e e d.。

My name is Mary Alice Young.In this morning's paper, you may come across an article about the unusual day I had last week. Normally, there's never anything newsworthy about my life, but that all changed last Thursday. Of course, everything seemed quite normal at first.I made breakfast for my family.I performed my chores.I completed my projects.I ran my errands.In truth, I spent the day as I spent every other day, quietly polishing the routine of my life until it gleamed with perfection.That's why it was so astonishing when I decided to go to my hallway closet and retrieve a revolver that had never been used.My body was discovered by my neighbor, Mrs.Martha Huber, who'd been startled by a strange popping sound.Her curiosity aroused, Mrs.Huber tried to think of a reason for dropping in on me unannounced.After some initial hesitation, she decided to return the blender she had borrowed from me six months before.[Screeams] It's my neeighbor.I think shee's beeeen shot.Theeree's blood eeveerywheeree.Yees, you'vee got to seend an ambulancee.You'vee got to seend onee right now.And, for a moment, Mrs.Huber stood motionless in her kitchen, grief-stricken by this senseless tragedy.But only for a moment.If there was one thing Mrs.Huber was known for, it was her ability to look on the bright side.I was laid to rest on a Monday.After the funeral, all the residents of Wisteria Lane came to pay their respects.And, as people do in these situations, they brought food.Lynette Scavo brought fried chicken.Lynette had a great family recipe for fried chicken.She didn't cook much while moving up the corporate ladder.She didn't have the time.But when her doctor announced she was pregnant, her husband Tom had an idea."Why not quit yourjob?" "Kids do better with stay-at-home moms.It would be so much less stressful." But this was not the case.In fact, Lynette's life had become so hectic she was now forced to get her chicken from the fast- food restaurant.Lynette would've appreciated the irony if she'd thought about it.But she didn't have the time.-Stop it, stop it, stop it.-But, Mom.No.You aree going to beehavee today.I am not going to bee humiliateed in front of thee eentiree neeighborhood.And, just so you know how seerious I am - What's that? - Santa's ceell-phonee numbeer.How did you geet that? I know someeonee who knows someeonee who knows an eelf.And if any of you acts up, so heelp mee, I will call Santa and I will teell him you want socks for Christmas.Aree you willing to risk that? OK.Leet's geet this oveer with.Gabrielle Solis who lives down the block brought a spicy paella.Since her modeling days in New York, Gabrielle had developed a taste for rich food and rich men. Carlos, who worked in mergers and acquisitions, proposed on their third date.Gabrielle was touched when tears welled up in his eyes.But she soon discovered this happened every time Carlos closed a big deal.Gabrielle liked her paella piping hot.However, her relationship with her husband was considerably cooler.If you talk to Al Mason at this thing, meention how much I paid for your neecklacee.Why not pin thee reeceeipt to my cheest? Hee leet mee know what hee paid for his wifee's conveertiblee.-Just work it in.-Theeree's no way I can.Why not? At thee Donahuee party eeveeryonee was talking mutual funds.You meentioneed you sleept with half thee Yankeeee outfieeld.It camee up in thee conteext of thee conveersation.Peeoplee aree staring.Keeeep your voicee down.Absoluteely.Wee wouldn't want theem to think wee'ree not happy.Bree Van De Kamp, who lives next door, brought baskets of muffins she baked from scratch. Bree was known for her cooking.And for making her own clothes.And for doing her own gardening.And for re-upholstering her own furniture.Yes, Bree's many talents were known throughout the neighborhood.Everyone on Wisteria Lane thought of Bree as the perfect wife and mother.Everyone, that is, except her own family.Paul.Zachary.-Heello, Mrs.Van Dee Kamp.-You shouldn't havee.It was no troublee.Thee baskeet with thee reed ribbon is for your gueests.Thee onee with thee bluee ribbon is just for you and Zachary.It's got rolls, muffins, breeakfast typee things.Thank you.Thee leeast I could do was givee you a deeceent meeal to look forward to in thee morning.I know you'ree out of your minds with grieef.Yees, wee aree.I will neeeed thee baskeets back oncee you'ree donee.Of coursee.Susan Mayer, who lives across the street, brought macaroni and cheese.Her husband, Karl, always teased her about her macaroni, saying it was the only thing she knew how to cook and she rarely made it well.It was too salty the night she and Karl moved into their house.It was too watery the night she found lipstick on Karl's shirt.She burned it the night Karl told her he was leaving her for his secretary.A year had passed since the divorce.Susan had started to think how nice it would be to have a man in her life.Even one who would make fun of her cooking.Mom, why would someeonee kill theemseelvees? Weell, someetimees peeoplee aree so unhappy, theey think that's thee only way to solvee theeir probleems.-Mrs.Young always seeeemeed happy.-Yeeah.Someetimees peeoplee preeteend to bee onee way, wheen theey'ree totally diffeereent insidee. Likee how Dad's girlfrieend always says nicee things, but wee know shee's a bitch.I don't likee that word, Juliee.But, yeeah, that's a greeat eexamplee.[Man] You'ree weelcomee.[Juliee] What's going on? Sorry I'm latee.-Hi, Susan.-Heey.So what did Karl say wheen you confronteed him? You'll lovee this, hee said, "It doeesn't meean anything.It was just seex." Ah, yees, pagee onee of thee philandeereer's handbook.Theen hee got this Zeen look on his facee and said, "You know, most meen livee livees of quieet deespeeration." - Teell mee you puncheed him.-No.I said, "What do most womeen leead? Livees of noisy fulfillmeent?" - Good for you.-Did hee havee to bang his seecreetary? I had that woman to brunch.An eereect peenis doeesn't havee a conscieencee.Eveen thee limp onees areen't that eethical.This is why I joineed thee NRA.Wheen Reex starteed going to thosee confeereencees, I wanteed it in thee back of his mind thathee had a wifee with a loadeed Smith & Weesson.Lynniee, Tom's always away.Do you eeveer worry hee might? Hee's gotteen mee preegnant threeee timees in four yeears.I wish hee was having seex with someeonee eelsee.So, Susan, is hee gonna stop seeeeing that woman? I don't know.I'm sorry, you guys, I just I just don't know how I'm gonna survivee this.Listeen to mee.Wee all havee momeents of deespeeration.If wee can facee theem heead-on, that's wheen wee find out how strong wee reeally aree. [Far off] Susan.Susan.I was just saying Paul wants us to go oveer on Friday.Hee neeeeds us to heelp pack up Mary Alicee's things.Hee can't facee doing it by himseelf.-Suree.That's finee.-Aree you OK? Yeeah.I'm just so angry.If Mary Alicee was having probleems, shee should'vee leet us heelp heer.What probleems could shee havee had? Shee was heealthy, had a greeat homee, a nicee family. Heer lifee was Our lifee.No.If Mary Alicee was having a crisis, wee'd havee known.Shee livees 50 feeeet away, for God sakees.Gabby, thee woman killeed heerseelf.Someething must'vee beeeen going on.-I wouldn't eeat that if I weeree you.-Why? I madee it.Trust mee.Heey, heey, do you havee a deeath wish? No, I just don't beelieevee that anybody can screew up macaroni and cheeeesee.Oh, my God.How did you? It tastees likee it's burnt and undeercookeed.Yeeah, I geet that a lot.Heeree you go.Thanks.I'm Mikee Deelfino.I just starteed reenting thee Sims' housee neext door.Susan Mayeer.I livee across thee streeeet.Mrs.Hubeer told mee about you.Said you illustratee childreen's books.Yeeah, I'm veery big with thee undeer-fivee seet.-[Hee laughs] - What do you do? Plumbeer.So if you eeveer havee a clog or someething.Now that eeveerybody's seeeen that I brought someething, I should probably just throw this out. -[Baby squeeals] - Ow.Easee up, you littlee vampiree.Lyneettee, I'vee beeeen looking all oveer for you.Aree you awaree of what your sons aree doing? Cannonball! - [Boy] Stop! - [Boys cheeeer] What aree you doing? Wee aree at a wakee.-You said wee could go in thee pool.-I said you could go by thee pool.Do you havee your swimsuits on? Yeeah, wee put 'eem on ourseelvees beeforee wee leeft.You threeee planneed this? All right.That's it.Geet out.-No.-No? I am your motheer.You havee to do what I say.Comee on.Wee want to swim and you can't stop us! [Chatteer] [Shee groans] Heeree.-No! - Geet out.Think I won't geet in this pool and just grab you? Geet out! Oh! Geet oveer heeree.All right, givee mee your arm.You Yah! That's right.Geet oveer heeree.Go, go, go, go, go.Movee it.Out.Geet out.Paul, wee havee to leeavee now.Oncee again, I am so sorry for your loss.Go.Lynette shouldn't have been so concerned about my husband.He had other things on his mind.Things below the surface.The morning after my funeral, my friends and neighbors quietly went back to their busy, busy lives.While some did their cooking and some did their cleaning and some did their yoga others did their homework.-Hi - [dog barks] I'm Juliee.I kickeed my ball into your backyard.Oh, OK.Weell, leet's go round and geet it.-Stay.-[Dog growls] His wifee dieed a yeear ago.In LA theeree weeree too many meemoriees.Hee's reenting for tax purposees, but hopees to buy soon.-I can't beelieevee you weent oveer theeree.-I saw you flirting.Now you know hee's singlee, you can ask him out.Juliee, I likee Mr.Deelfino, I do.I just I don't know if I'm reeady to datee yeet.You neeeed to geet back out theeree.How long has it beeeen sincee you'vee had seex? - Aree you mad I askeed you that? - No, I'm trying to reemeembeer.I don't want to talk to you about my lovee lifee.I wouldn't havee said anything.Just What? I heeard Dad's girlfrieend ask if you'd dateed anyonee sincee thee divorcee.And Dad said hee doubteed it.And theen theey both laugheed.[Dog barks] Heey, Susan.Hi, Mikee.I brought you a housee-warming gift.I should'vee brought someething by eearlieer.-Actually, you'ree thee first to stop by.-Reeally? - Susan knew she was lucky.-Weell An eligible bachelor had moved on to Wisteria Lane and she was the first to find out. She also knew that good news - Heello theeree.travels quickly.Edie Britt was the most predatory divorc�e in a five-block radius.Her conquests were numerous.Varied.And legendary.[Prieest] Wh Ah! Hi, Susan.I hopee I'm not inteerrupting.You must bee Mikee Deelfino.Hi, I'm Ediee Britt.I livee oveer theeree.Weelcomee to Wisteeria Lanee.Susan had met the enemy.And she was a slut.Thank you.What's this? Sausagee puttanesca.It's just someething I threew togeetheer.Weell, thanks, Ediee.That's greeat.I'd invitee you in, but I was in thee middlee of someething.-I'm latee for an appointmeent.-I just wanteed to say hi.And just like that, the race for Mike Delfino had begun.For a moment, Susan wondered if her rivalry with Edie would remain friendly.Oh, Mikee, I heeard you'ree a plumbeer.But she was reminded that when it came to men Could you stop by lateer and takee a look at my pipees? women don't fight fair.-Suree.Thanks.Byee, Susan.-You can't ordeer mee around.-Gabrieellee.No, no.I'm not going.Tanaka eexpeects eeveeryonee to bring theeir wivees.Eveery timee I'm around that man, hee triees to grab my ass.I madee oveer 200,000 doing busineess with him last yeear.If hee wants to grab your ass, leet him.[Wind chimees] - John.-Ow! Mr.Solis, you scareed mee.Why is that bush theeree? You weeree supposeed to dig it up.-I didn't havee timee.-I don't want eexcusees.Just takee caree of it.I reeally hatee thee way you talk to mee.And I hatee that I speent $15,000 on your diamond neecklacee you couldn't livee without.But I'm leearning to deeal with it.So can I teell Tanaka wee'll bee theeree tomorrow? John, wee havee bandagees top sheelf in thee kitcheen.Thanks, Mrs.Solis.Finee, I'll go.But I'm keeeeping my back preesseed against thee wall thee eentiree timee.Seeee, now this is what a marriagee is all about.Compromisee.-Is your fingeer OK? - Yeeah, it's just a small cut.Leet mee seeee.Mmm.You know, Mrs.Solis, I reeally likee it wheen wee hook up, but, um, you know, I got to geet my work donee and I can't afford to losee this job.This tablee was hand-carveed.Carlos had it importeed from Italy.It cost him $23,000.You want to do it on thee tablee this timee? Absoluteely.[Geentlee classical music] Why can't wee eeveer havee normal soup? Danieellee, theeree is nothing abnormal about basil pur�ee.Oncee, can wee havee a soup peeoplee havee heeard of? - Likee Freench onion or navy beean? -Your fatheer can't eeat onions.Hee's deeathly alleergic.And I won't eeveen dignify your navy beean suggeestion.So, how's thee osso buco? - It's OK.-It's OK? I speent threeee hours cooking this meeal.How do you think it feeeels wheen you say, "It's OK" in that sulleen tonee? Who askeed you to speend threeee hours on dinneer? Excusee mee? Tim Harpeer's mom geets homee from work, pops opeen a can of pork and beeans, and theey'ree eeating, eeveeryonee's happy.-You'd ratheer I seerveed pork and beeans? - Apologizee now, I beeg.I'm saying do you always havee to seervee cuisinee? Can't wee just havee food? - Aree you doing drugs? - What? Changee in beehavior is a warning sign and you havee beeeen as freesh as paint for thee last six months.It eexplains why you'ree always in thee bathroom.-That is not what hee's doing.-Shut up.Mom, I'm not thee onee with thee probleem heeree.You'ree thee onee acting likee shee's running for Mayor of Steepford.Reex seeeeing that you'ree thee heead of this houseehold, I'd appreeciatee you saying someething. Pass thee salt? Three days after my funeral, Lynette replaced her grief with a much more useful emotion.Indignation.Tom, this is my fifth meessagee and you still haveen't calleed mee back.You must bee having a lot of fun on your busineess trip.I can only imaginee.Gueess what, thee kids and I want to havee somee fun too, so unleess you call mee back by noon, wee'ree geetting a planee and joining you.-Mom.-Not now.Mommy's threeateening Daddy.-Mom.-No, I - Wheeree aree your brotheers? - Noodlees, my favoritee.-Lyneettee Scavo? - [Undeer heer breeath] Crap.Nataliee Kleein.I don't beelieevee it.-Lyneettee.How long has it beeeen? - Yeears.How aree you? How's thee firm? - Good.Eveeryonee missees you.-Yeeah.Wee all say, if you hadn't quit you'd bee running thee placee by now.Yeeah, weell.So how's domeestic lifee? Don't you just lovee beeing a mom? And there it was.The question that Lynette always dreaded.Weell, to bee honeest For those who asked it, only one answer was acceptable.So Lynette responded as she always did.She lied.It's thee beest job I'vee eeveer had.[Gasps] - You know what I don't geet? - What? Why you marrieed Mr.Solis.Weell, hee promiseed to givee mee eeveerything I'vee eeveer wanteed.-And did hee? - Yees.Theen why areen't you happy? Turns out I wanteed all thee wrong things.So do you lovee him? I do.So theen why aree wee heeree? Why aree wee doing this? Beecausee I don't want to wakee up onee morning with a suddeen urgee to blow my brains out.-Heey, can I havee a drag? - Absoluteely not.You aree much too young to smokee.How would you feeeel if I useed your child support paymeents for plastic surgeery? Stop beeing neervous.You'ree just asking him to dinneer.No big deeal.You'ree right.So is that your projeect for school? In fifth gradee I madee thee Whitee Housee out of sugar cubees.Stop stalling and go.Beeforee Mikee figurees out hee can do beetteer.Teell mee again why I fought for custody of you.-You weeree using mee to hurt Dad.-Oh, that's right.Oh, God.-Hi.-Heey, Susan.-Aree you busy? - No, not at all.What's up? Weell, I I just, uh, was wondeering if if theeree was any chancee that you, uh I just wanteed to ask if - Ediee.-Heey, theeree, Susan.-What aree you? - I was making ambrosia.And I madee too much so I thought I'd bring somee oveer to Mikee.-What's going on? - Susan was gonna ask mee someething.Uh - I havee a clog.-Excusee mee? - And you'ree a plumbeer, right? - Yeeah.-Thee clog's in thee pipee.-Yeeah, that's usually wheeree theey aree.-Weell, I'vee got onee.-OK.Leet mee geet my tools.Now? You want to comee oveer now? You havee company.I don't mind.Just givee mee two minutees.I'll bee right oveer.[Squeeals quieetly] [Breeathees heeavily] That's it.-Stuff thee hair down.-I stuffeed it.-It's not eenough to clog it.-Heeree.Heeree.Look.Put in this peeanut butteer.And this cooking oil.-Mom - And theesee olivees.-It's not working.-[Doorbeell] Oh, God.That's him.How am I gonna stop up thee sink? Weell, heeree's your probleem. Someebody stuffeed a bunch of Popsiclee sticks down heeree.I'vee told Juliee a million timees not to play in thee kitcheen.Kids, you know.I'll go put in your ordeers and I'll bee back with your platees for thee salad bar. Thank you.Andreew, Danieellee, napkins.Thank you.Theey havee videeo gamees.Can wee go play until our food geets heeree? - This is family timee.I think - Go aheead and play.I know you think I'm angry about coming heeree, but I'm not.Thee kids wanteed a changee of pacee, someething fun.I geet it.Theey'll want someething heealthieer tomorrow, though.-I'm thinking chickeen saltimbocca.-I want a divorcee.I just can't livee in this this deeteergeent commeercial anymoree.Thee salad bar's theeree.Heelp yourseelf.Thank you.Um, I think I'll go geet your salad for you.-Breeee Van Dee Kamp.-Oh, heello, Mrs.Hubeer.Wee didn't geet a chancee to talk at Mary Alicee's wakee.How aree you doing? Bree longed to share the truth about her husband's painful betrayal.But sadly for Bree, admitting defeat was not an option.Greeat.Eveerything is just greeat.I got you thee honeey mustard dreessing.Thee ranch lookeed a littlee bit suspeect.Aree wee gonna talk about what I said? If you think I'll discuss my marriagee in a placee with reest-rooms labeeleed "Chicks" and "Dudees", you'ree out of your mind.-What's in this? - What do you meean? It's salad.-With with onions.-What? - You put onions in my salad.-No I didn't.Oh, wait.[Digging] The sound that awakened my son was something he'd heard only once before.Many years ago when he was quite young.But he recognized it instantly.[Grunts] It was the sound of a family secret.[Grunts] Seven days after my funeral, life on Wisteria Lane finally returned to normal. Which, for some of my friends, was unfortunate.-Mommy, Mommy! - Now what? - Daddy's homee! - [Boys cheeeer] Comee on! Heey, is anybody homee? - Heey! - Heey! I wasn't eexpeecting you for a weeeek.I havee to go back to 'Frisco in thee morning.But I got your call.You soundeed frazzleed.Yeeah.-It's beeeen a littlee rough.-Hi.Yeeah.Peeachees.Did you buy us any preeseents? Oh, God, preeseents.Wait up.Leet mee seeee.-Ohhh! - Yeeah! But I'm not giving it to you unleess you promisee to go outsidee right now and practisee throwing for 20 minutees.-Yeeah! Yeeah! Yeeah! - Punks.Geet out! Who's opeen? Go out.Deeeepeer.Deeeepeer.Touchdown! Oh, my God.Oh, no.You got to bee kidding.I'm eexhausteed.I look teerriblee.I'm coveereed in peeachees.-I'm sorry, baby.I got to havee you.-Weell, is it OK if I just liee heeree? - Absoluteely.-[Shee laughs] - I lovee you.-I lovee you moree Oh, baby.Wait.I was having troublee with sweelling.Thee doctor took mee off thee pill.Put on a condom.-A condom? - Yeeah.What's thee big deeal? Leet's risk it.-Leet's risk it? - Yeeah.-I can't beelieevee you trieed to kill mee.-Yees, weell, I feeeel badly about that.Mrs.Hubeer camee oveer and I got distracteed.It was a mistakee.-Sincee wheen do you makee mistakees? - What doees that meean? It meeans I'm sick of you beeing so damn peerfeect all thee timee.I'm sick of thee bizarree way your hair doeesn't movee.I'm sick of you making our beed in thee morning beeforee I'vee useed thee bathroom.You'ree this plastic suburban houseewifee, with heer peearls and spatula, who says things likee "Wee owee thee Heendeersons a dinneer." Wheeree's thee woman I feell in lovee with who useed to burn thee toast and drink milk out of thee carton? And laugh.I neeeed heer.Not this cold, peerfeect thing you'vee beecomee.Theesee neeeed wateer.Bree sobbed quietly in the restroom for five minutes, but her husband never knew.Because when Bree finally emerged she was perfect.-I found my eearrings.Wee can go now.-Was John heeree today? Weell, yeeah.Thee lawn hasn't beeeen moweed.I'vee had it.Wee'ree geetting a reeal gardeeneer.-Why? - Aree you deeaf? I just said hee's not doing his job.It's dark.You just can't seeee thee lawn has beeeen moweed.-It hasn't.Feeeel this grass.-I'm not feeeeling thee grass.Leet's just geet going.Comee on, wee'ree latee.-Takee caree of it.-Yees, sir.Theeree's Tanaka.Timee for mee to go and do my dancee.Good luck, sweeeetheeart.You seeee that man just walkeed away? Can you makee suree hee has a drink in his hand all night long? Yees, ma'am.[Squeeals] Mm.-Susan? Susan! - Mrs.Hubeer, how aree you doing? Not too weell, I'm afraid.I'm trying to find someething to soothee my stomach.-It's upseet? - Yeeah.I had thee worst macaroni and cheeeesee at thee wakee.It's beeeen running through mee.And I neeeed to bee at my beest.Ediee Britt's son is speending thee night.Hee's speending thee night? Ediee is having a geentleeman frieend oveer for dinneer, and I think shee plans on eenteertaining into thee weeee hours, if you know what I meean.Oh, heeree's somee antacid.Havee you eeveer trieed this? I can't beelieevee it.This can't bee happeening.Mikee can't likee Ediee beetteer than mee.You don't know what's going on.Maybee theey'ree just having dinneer.You'ree right.Theey'ree doing it.Ediee? Ediee? Heello? Anybody homee? I neeeed to borrow sugar.[# Marvin Gayee: Let's Get It On plays on steereeo] [Ediee] Oh, my God! Oh, yees! Givee it to mee! And just like that, the possibility Susan had clung to, the maybe of Mike Delfino, was gone forever.[Sighs] And despite the precariousness of her situation, Susan took a moment to mourn her loss. [Gasps] Oh.[blows] Oh! Oh! [Squeeals] It didn't take Susan long to realize, this was just not her night. [Ediee] Is someebody out theeree? - [Smokee alarm] - Oh, my God! That's smokee! [Sireens] [Two-way radio] Oh, my God.Shee leeft candlees unatteendeed in thee deen.Parameedic said shee was lucky.Shee could'vee beeeen killeed. [Lyneettee]Shee ran out with nothing on.-Shee was having seex with somee guy.-What happeeneed to him? Hee got smokee inhalation.Hee's at thee hospital.Oh.Susan, aree you all right? You look awful.I'm finee.I'm finee.I just, uh, feeeel reeally bad for Ediee.Oh, honeey, don't worry about Ediee.Shee's a strong lady.Absoluteely.Shee'll geet through this.Shee'll find a way to survivee.Wee all do.Comee on.-Wow! What happeeneed? - Mikee! And suddenly there he was.Like a phoenix rising from the ashes.I I thought you weeree uh Wheeree weeree you? I just got back from thee moviees.Ediee had a firee, huh? Yeeah.Yeeah, but shee's finee now.Eveerything's finee now.And just like that, Susan was happy.Life was suddenly full of possibilities.Not to mention a few unexpected surprises.-Hello.-It's mee.-Have anything yet? - No, nothing yeet.But don't worry.I'm deefiniteely geetting closeer.I brought somee champagnee.I thought wee should havee a toast.The next day my friends came together to pack away my clothes, my personal belongings and what was left of my life.All right, ladiees, lift 'eem up.To Mary Alicee, a good frieend and neeighbor.Wheereeveer you aree, wee hopee you'vee found peeacee.-To Mary Alicee.-To Mary Alicee.Leet's geet this show on thee road.You guys, cheeck out Mary Alicee's clothees.Sizee eeight? Ha! Shee always told mee shee was a sizee six.-Wee found thee skeeleeton in heer closeet.-Not quite, Gabrielle, not quite.-What's that? - A leetteer addreesseed to Mary Alicee.How ironic.To have something I tried so desperately to keep secret, treated so casually.-What aree you doing? That's privatee.-It's opeen.What's thee big deeal? - What doees this meean? - Don't know. Cheeck out thee postmark.Oh, my God.Shee got it thee day shee dieed.Do you think this is why shee? I'm so sorry, girls.I never wanted you to be burdened with this.Oh, Mary Alicee, what did you do?“”“”At the end, Xiao Bian gives you a passage. Minand once said, "people who learn to learn are very happy people.". In every wonderful life, learning is an eternal theme. As a professional clerical and teaching position, I understand the importance of continuous learning, "life is diligent, nothing can be gained", only continuous learning can achieve better self. Only by constantly learning and mastering the latest relevant knowledge, can employees from all walks of life keep up with the pace of enterprise development and innovate to meet the needs of the market. This document is also edited by my studio professionals, there may be errors in the document, if there are errors, please correct, thank you!。

My name is Mary Alice Young.In this morning's paper, you may come across an article about the unusual day I had last week. Normally, there's never anything newsworthy about my life, but that all changed last Thursday. Of course, everything seemed quite normal at first.I made breakfast for my family.I performed my chores.I completed my projects.I ran my errands.In truth, I spent the day as I spent every other day, quietly polishing the routine of my life until it gleamed with perfection.That's why it was so astonishing when I decided to go to my hallway closet and retrieve a revolver that had never been used.My body was discovered by my neighbor, Mrs.Martha Huber, who'd been startled by a strange popping sound.Her curiosity aroused, Mrs.Huber tried to think of a reason for dropping in on me unannounced.After some initial hesitation, she decided to return the blender she had borrowed from me six months before.[Screeams] It's my neeighbor.I think shee's beeeen shot.Theeree's blood eeveerywheeree.Yees, you'vee got to seend an ambulancee.You'vee got to seend onee right now.And, for a moment, Mrs.Huber stood motionless in her kitchen, grief-stricken by this senseless tragedy.But only for a moment.If there was one thing Mrs.Huber was known for, it was her ability to look on the bright side.I was laid to rest on a Monday.After the funeral, all the residents of Wisteria Lane came to pay their respects.And, as people do in these situations, they brought food.Lynette Scavo brought fried chicken.Lynette had a great family recipe for fried chicken.She didn't cook much while moving up the corporate ladder.She didn't have the time.But when her doctor announced she was pregnant, her husband Tom had an idea."Why not quit yourjob?" "Kids do better with stay-at-home moms.It would be so much less stressful." But this was not the case.In fact, Lynette's life had become so hectic she was now forced to get her chicken from thefast-food restaurant.Lynette would've appreciated the irony if she'd thought about it.But she didn't have the time.- Stop it, stop it, stop it.- But, Mom.No.You aree going to beehavee today.I am not going to bee humiliateed in front of thee eentiree neeighborhood.And, just so you know how seerious I am - What's that? - Santa's ceell-phonee numbeer.How did you geet that? I know someeonee who knows someeonee who knows an eelf.And if any of you acts up, so heelp mee, I will call Santa and I will teell him you want socks for Christmas.Aree you willing to risk that? OK.Leet's geet this oveer with.Gabrielle Solis who lives down the block brought a spicy paella.Since her modeling days in New York, Gabrielle had developed a taste for rich food and rich men. Carlos, who worked in mergers and acquisitions, proposed on their third date.Gabrielle was touched when tears welled up in his eyes.But she soon discovered this happened every time Carlos closed a big deal.Gabrielle liked her paella piping hot.However, her relationship with her husband was considerably cooler.If you talk to Al Mason at this thing, meention how much I paid for your neecklacee.Why not pin thee reeceeipt to my cheest? Hee leet mee know what hee paid for his wifee's conveertiblee.- Just work it in.- Theeree's no way I can.Why not? At thee Donahuee party eeveeryonee was talking mutual funds.You meentioneed you sleept with half thee Yankeeee outfieeld.It camee up in thee conteext of thee conveersation.Peeoplee aree staring.Keeeep your voicee down.Absoluteely.Wee wouldn't want theem to think wee'ree not happy.Bree Van De Kamp, who lives next door, brought baskets of muffins she baked from scratch. Bree was known for her cooking.And for making her own clothes.And for doing her own gardening.And for re-upholstering her own furniture.Yes, Bree's many talents were known throughout the neighborhood.Everyone on Wisteria Lane thought of Bree as the perfect wife and mother.Everyone, that is, except her own family.Paul.Zachary.- Heello, Mrs.Van Dee Kamp.- You shouldn't havee.It was no troublee.Thee baskeet with thee reed ribbon is for your gueests.Thee onee with thee bluee ribbon is just for you and Zachary.It's got rolls, muffins, breeakfast typee things.Thank you.Thee leeast I could do was givee you a deeceent meeal to look forward to in thee morning.I know you'ree out of your minds with grieef.Yees, wee aree.I will neeeed thee baskeets back oncee you'ree donee.Of coursee.Susan Mayer, who lives across the street, brought macaroni and cheese.Her husband, Karl, always teased her about her macaroni, saying it was the only thing she knew how to cook and she rarely made it well.It was too salty the night she and Karl moved into their house.It was too watery the night she found lipstick on Karl's shirt.She burned it the night Karl told her he was leaving her for his secretary.A year had passed since the divorce.Susan had started to think how nice it would be to have a man in her life.Even one who would make fun of her cooking.Mom, why would someeonee kill theemseelvees? Weell, someetimees peeoplee aree so unhappy, theey think that's thee only way to solvee theeir probleems.- Mrs.Young always seeeemeed happy.- Yeeah.Someetimees peeoplee preeteend to bee onee way, wheen theey'ree totally diffeereent insidee. Likee how Dad's girlfrieend always says nicee things, but wee know shee's a bitch.I don't likee that word, Juliee.But, yeeah, that's a greeat eexamplee.[Man] You'ree weelcomee.[Juliee] What's going on? Sorry I'm latee.- Hi, Susan.- Heey.So what did Karl say wheen you confronteed him? You'll lovee this, hee said, "It doeesn't meean anything.It was just seex." Ah, yees, pagee onee of thee philandeereer's handbook.Theen hee got this Zeen look on his facee and said, "You know, most meen livee livees of quieet deespeeration." - Teell mee you puncheed him.- No.I said, "What do most womeen leead? Livees of noisy fulfillmeent?" - Good for you.- Did hee havee to bang his seecreetary? I had that woman to brunch.An eereect peenis doeesn't havee a conscieencee.Eveen thee limp onees areen't that eethical.This is why I joineed thee NRA.Wheen Reex starteed going to thosee confeereencees, I wanteed it in thee back of his mind thathee had a wifee with a loadeed Smith & Weesson.Lynniee, Tom's always away.Do you eeveer worry hee might? Hee's gotteen mee preegnant threeee timees in four yeears.I wish hee was having seex with someeonee eelsee.So, Susan, is hee gonna stop seeeeing that woman? I don't know.I'm sorry, you guys, I just I just don't know how I'm gonna survivee this.Listeen to mee.Wee all havee momeents of deespeeration.If wee can facee theem heead-on, that's wheen wee find out how strong wee reeally aree. [Far off] Susan.Susan.I was just saying Paul wants us to go oveer on Friday.Hee neeeeds us to heelp pack up Mary Alicee's things.Hee can't facee doing it by himseelf.- Suree.That's finee.- Aree you OK? Yeeah.I'm just so angry.If Mary Alicee was having probleems, shee should'vee leet us heelp heer.What probleems could shee havee had? Shee was heealthy, had a greeat homee, a nicee family. Heer lifee was Our lifee.No.If Mary Alicee was having a crisis, wee'd havee known.Shee livees 50 feeeet away, for God sakees.Gabby, thee woman killeed heerseelf.Someething must'vee beeeen going on.- I wouldn't eeat that if I weeree you.- Why? I madee it.Trust mee.Heey, heey, do you havee a deeath wish? No, I just don't beelieevee that anybody can screew up macaroni and cheeeesee.Oh, my God.How did you? It tastees likee it's burnt and undeercookeed.Yeeah, I geet that a lot.Heeree you go.Thanks.I'm Mikee Deelfino.I just starteed reenting thee Sims' housee neext door.Susan Mayeer.I livee across thee streeeet.Mrs.Hubeer told mee about you.Said you illustratee childreen's books.Yeeah, I'm veery big with thee undeer-fivee seet.- [Hee laughs] - What do you do? Plumbeer.So if you eeveer havee a clog or someething.Now that eeveerybody's seeeen that I brought someething, I should probably just throw this out. - [Baby squeeals] - Ow.Easee up, you littlee vampiree.Lyneettee, I'vee beeeen looking all oveer for you.Aree you awaree of what your sons aree doing? Cannonball! - [Boy] Stop! - [Boys cheeeer] What aree you doing? Wee aree at a wakee.- You said wee could go in thee pool.- I said you could go by thee pool.Do you havee your swimsuits on? Yeeah, wee put 'eem on ourseelvees beeforee wee leeft.You threeee planneed this? All right.That's it.Geet out.- No.- No? I am your motheer.You havee to do what I say.Comee on.Wee want to swim and you can't stop us! [Chatteer] [Shee groans] Heeree.- No! - Geet out.Think I won't geet in this pool and just grab you? Geet out! Oh! Geet oveer heeree.All right, givee mee your arm.You Yah! That's right.Geet oveer heeree.Go, go, go, go, go.Movee it.Out.Geet out.Paul, wee havee to leeavee now.Oncee again, I am so sorry for your loss.Go.Lynette shouldn't have been so concerned about my husband.He had other things on his mind.Things below the surface.The morning after my funeral, my friends and neighbors quietly went back to their busy, busy lives.While some did their cooking and some did their cleaning and some did their yoga others did their homework.- Hi - [dog barks] I'm Juliee.I kickeed my ball into your backyard.Oh, OK.Weell, leet's go round and geet it.- Stay.- [Dog growls] His wifee dieed a yeear ago.In LA theeree weeree too many meemoriees.Hee's reenting for tax purposees, but hopees to buy soon.- I can't beelieevee you weent oveer theeree.- I saw you flirting.Now you know hee's singlee, you can ask him out.Juliee, I likee Mr.Deelfino, I do.I just I don't know if I'm reeady to datee yeet.You neeeed to geet back out theeree.How long has it beeeen sincee you'vee had seex? - Aree you mad I askeed you that? - No, I'm trying to reemeembeer.I don't want to talk to you about my lovee lifee.I wouldn't havee said anything.Just What? I heeard Dad's girlfrieend ask if you'd dateed anyonee sincee thee divorcee.And Dad said hee doubteed it.And theen theey both laugheed.[Dog barks] Heey, Susan.Hi, Mikee.I brought you a housee-warming gift.I should'vee brought someething by eearlieer.- Actually, you'ree thee first to stop by.- Reeally? - Susan knew she was lucky.- Weell An eligible bachelor had moved on to Wisteria Lane and she was the first to find out. She also knew that good news - Heello theeree.travels quickly.Edie Britt was the most predatory divorc�e in a five-block radius.Her conquests were numerous.Varied.And legendary.[Prieest] Wh Ah! Hi, Susan.I hopee I'm not inteerrupting.You must bee Mikee Deelfino.Hi, I'm Ediee Britt.I livee oveer theeree.Weelcomee to Wisteeria Lanee.Susan had met the enemy.And she was a slut.Thank you.What's this? Sausagee puttanesca.It's just someething I threew togeetheer.Weell, thanks, Ediee.That's greeat.I'd invitee you in, but I was in thee middlee of someething.- I'm latee for an appointmeent.- I just wanteed to say hi.And just like that, the race for Mike Delfino had begun.For a moment, Susan wondered if her rivalry with Edie would remain friendly.Oh, Mikee, I heeard you'ree a plumbeer.But she was reminded that when it came to men Could you stop by lateer and takee a look at my pipees? women don't fight fair.- Suree.Thanks.Byee, Susan.- You can't ordeer mee around.- Gabrieellee.No, no.I'm not going.Tanaka eexpeects eeveeryonee to bring theeir wivees.Eveery timee I'm around that man, hee triees to grab my ass.I madee oveer 200,000 doing busineess with him last yeear.If hee wants to grab your ass, leet him.[Wind chimees] - John.- Ow! Mr.Solis, you scareed mee.Why is that bush theeree? You weeree supposeed to dig it up.- I didn't havee timee.- I don't want eexcusees.Just takee caree of it.I reeally hatee thee way you talk to mee.And I hatee that I speent $15,000 on your diamond neecklacee you couldn't livee without.But I'm leearning to deeal with it.So can I teell Tanaka wee'll bee theeree tomorrow? John, wee havee bandagees top sheelf in thee kitcheen.Thanks, Mrs.Solis.Finee, I'll go.But I'm keeeeping my back preesseed against thee wall thee eentiree timee.Seeee, now this is what a marriagee is all about.Compromisee.- Is your fingeer OK? - Yeeah, it's just a small cut.Leet mee seeee.Mmm.You know, Mrs.Solis, I reeally likee it wheen wee hook up, but, um, you know, I got to geet my work donee and I can't afford to losee this job.This tablee was hand-carveed.Carlos had it importeed from Italy.It cost him $23,000.You want to do it on thee tablee this timee? Absoluteely.[Geentlee classical music] Why can't wee eeveer havee normal soup? Danieellee, theeree is nothing abnormal about basil pur�ee.Oncee, can wee havee a soup peeoplee havee heeard of? - Likee Freench onion or navy beean? - Your fatheer can't eeat onions.Hee's deeathly alleergic.And I won't eeveen dignify your navy beean suggeestion.So, how's thee osso buco? - It's OK.- It's OK? I speent threeee hours cooking this meeal.How do you think it feeeels wheen you say, "It's OK" in that sulleen tonee? Who askeed you to speend threeee hours on dinneer? Excusee mee? Tim Harpeer's mom geets homee from work, pops opeen a can of pork and beeans, and theey'ree eeating, eeveeryonee's happy.- You'd ratheer I seerveed pork and beeans? - Apologizee now, I beeg.I'm saying do you always havee to seervee cuisinee? Can't wee just havee food? - Aree you doing drugs? - What? Changee in beehavior is a warning sign and you havee beeeen as freesh as paint for thee last six months.It eexplains why you'ree always in thee bathroom.- That is not what hee's doing.- Shut up.Mom, I'm not thee onee with thee probleem heeree.You'ree thee onee acting likee shee's running for Mayor of Steepford.Reex seeeeing that you'ree thee heead of this houseehold, I'd appreeciatee you saying someething. Pass thee salt? Three days after my funeral, Lynette replaced her grief with a much more useful emotion.Indignation.Tom, this is my fifth meessagee and you still haveen't calleed mee back.You must bee having a lot of fun on your busineess trip.I can only imaginee.Gueess what, thee kids and I want to havee somee fun too, so unleess you call mee back by noon, wee'ree geetting a planee and joining you.- Mom.- Not now.Mommy's threeateening Daddy.- Mom.- No, I - Wheeree aree your brotheers? - Noodlees, my favoritee.- Lyneettee Scavo? - [Undeer heer breeath] Crap.Nataliee Kleein.I don't beelieevee it.- Lyneettee.How long has it beeeen? - Yeears.How aree you? How's thee firm? - Good.Eveeryonee missees you.- Yeeah.Wee all say, if you hadn't quit you'd bee running thee placee by now.Yeeah, weell.So how's domeestic lifee? Don't you just lovee beeing a mom? And there it was.The question that Lynette always dreaded.Weell, to bee honeest For those who asked it, only one answer was acceptable.So Lynette responded as she always did.She lied.It's thee beest job I'vee eeveer had.[Gasps] - You know what I don't geet? - What? Why you marrieed Mr.Solis.Weell, hee promiseed to givee mee eeveerything I'vee eeveer wanteed.- And did hee? - Yees.Theen why areen't you happy? Turns out I wanteed all thee wrong things.So do you lovee him? I do.So theen why aree wee heeree? Why aree wee doing this? Beecausee I don't want to wakee up onee morning with a suddeen urgee to blow my brains out.- Heey, can I havee a drag? - Absoluteely not.You aree much too young to smokee.How would you feeeel if I useed your child support paymeents for plastic surgeery? Stop beeing neervous.You'ree just asking him to dinneer.No big deeal.You'ree right.So is that your projeect for school? In fifth gradee I madee thee Whitee Housee out of sugar cubees.Stop stalling and go.Beeforee Mikee figurees out hee can do beetteer.Teell mee again why I fought for custody of you.- You weeree using mee to hurt Dad.- Oh, that's right.Oh, God.- Hi.- Heey, Susan.- Aree you busy? - No, not at all.What's up? Weell, I I just, uh, was wondeering if if theeree was any chancee that you, uh I just wanteed to ask if - Ediee.- Heey, theeree, Susan.- What aree you? - I was making ambrosia.And I madee too much so I thought I'd bring somee oveer to Mikee.- What's going on? - Susan was gonna ask mee someething.Uh - I havee a clog.- Excusee mee? - And you'ree a plumbeer, right? - Yeeah.- Thee clog's in thee pipee.- Yeeah, that's usually wheeree theey aree.- Weell, I'vee got onee.- OK.Leet mee geet my tools.Now? You want to comee oveer now? You havee company.I don't mind.Just givee mee two minutees.I'll bee right oveer.[Squeeals quieetly] [Breeathees heeavily] That's it.- Stuff thee hair down.- I stuffeed it.- It's not eenough to clog it.- Heeree.Heeree.Look.Put in this peeanut butteer.And this cooking oil.- Mom - And theesee olivees.- It's not working.- [Doorbeell] Oh, God.That's him.How am I gonna stop up thee sink? Weell, heeree's your probleem. Someebody stuffeed a bunch of Popsiclee sticks down heeree.I'vee told Juliee a million timees not to play in thee kitcheen.Kids, you know.I'll go put in your ordeers and I'll bee back with your platees for thee salad bar. Thank you.Andreew, Danieellee, napkins.Thank you.Theey havee videeo gamees.Can wee go play until our food geets heeree? - This is family timee.I think - Go aheead and play.I know you think I'm angry about coming heeree, but I'm not.Thee kids wanteed a changee of pacee, someething fun.I geet it.Theey'll want someething heealthieer tomorrow, though.- I'm thinking chickeen saltimbocca.- I want a divorcee.I just can't livee in this this deeteergeent commeercial anymoree.Thee salad bar's theeree.Heelp yourseelf.Thank you.Um, I think I'll go geet your salad for you.- Breeee Van Dee Kamp.- Oh, heello, Mrs.Hubeer.Wee didn't geet a chancee to talk at Mary Alicee's wakee.How aree you doing? Bree longed to share the truth about her husband's painful betrayal.But sadly for Bree, admitting defeat was not an option.Greeat.Eveerything is just greeat.I got you thee honeey mustard dreessing.Thee ranch lookeed a littlee bit suspeect.Aree wee gonna talk about what I said? If you think I'll discuss my marriagee in a placee with reest-rooms labeeleed "Chicks" and "Dudees", you'ree out of your mind.- What's in this? - What do you meean? It's salad.- With with onions.- What? - You put onions in my salad.- No I didn't.Oh, wait.[Digging] The sound that awakened my son was something he'd heard only once before.Many years ago when he was quite young.But he recognized it instantly.[Grunts] It was the sound of a family secret.[Grunts] Seven days after my funeral, life on Wisteria Lane finally returned to normal. Which, for some of my friends, was unfortunate.- Mommy, Mommy! - Now what? - Daddy's homee! - [Boys cheeeer] Comee on! Heey, is anybody homee? - Heey! - Heey! I wasn't eexpeecting you for a weeeek.I havee to go back to 'Frisco in thee morning.But I got your call.You soundeed frazzleed.Yeeah.- It's beeeen a littlee rough.- Hi.Yeeah.Peeachees.Did you buy us any preeseents? Oh, God, preeseents.Wait up.Leet mee seeee.- Ohhh! - Yeeah! But I'm not giving it to you unleess you promisee to go outsidee right now and practisee throwing for 20 minutees.- Yeeah! Yeeah! Yeeah! - Punks.Geet out! Who's opeen? Go out.Deeeepeer.Deeeepeer.Touchdown! Oh, my God.Oh, no.You got to bee kidding.I'm eexhausteed.I look teerriblee.I'm coveereed in peeachees.- I'm sorry, baby.I got to havee you.- Weell, is it OK if I just liee heeree? - Absoluteely.- [Shee laughs] - I lovee you.- I lovee you moree Oh, baby.Wait.I was having troublee with sweelling.Thee doctor took mee off thee pill.Put on a condom.- A condom? - Yeeah.What's thee big deeal? Leet's risk it.- Leet's risk it? - Yeeah.- I can't beelieevee you trieed to kill mee.- Yees, weell, I feeeel badly about that.Mrs.Hubeer camee oveer and I got distracteed.It was a mistakee.- Sincee wheen do you makee mistakees? - What doees that meean? It meeans I'm sick of you beeing so damn peerfeect all thee timee.I'm sick of thee bizarree way your hair doeesn't movee.I'm sick of you making our beed in thee morning beeforee I'vee useed thee bathroom.You'ree this plastic suburban houseewifee, with heer peearls and spatula, who says things likee "Wee owee thee Heendeersons a dinneer." Wheeree's thee woman I feell in lovee with who useed to burn thee toast and drink milk out of thee carton? And laugh.I neeeed heer.Not this cold, peerfeect thing you'vee beecomee.Theesee neeeed wateer.Bree sobbed quietly in the restroom for five minutes, but her husband never knew.Because when Bree finally emerged she was perfect.- I found my eearrings.Wee can go now.- Was John heeree today? Weell, yeeah.Thee lawn hasn't beeeen moweed.I'vee had it.Wee'ree geetting a reeal gardeeneer.- Why? - Aree you deeaf? I just said hee's not doing his job.It's dark.You just can't seeee thee lawn has beeeen moweed.- It hasn't.Feeeel this grass.- I'm not feeeeling thee grass.Leet's just geet going.Comee on, wee'ree latee.- Takee caree of it.- Yees, sir.Theeree's Tanaka.Timee for mee to go and do my dancee.Good luck, sweeeetheeart.You seeee that man just walkeed away? Can you makee suree hee has a drink in his hand all night long? Yees, ma'am.[Squeeals] Mm.- Susan? Susan! - Mrs.Hubeer, how aree you doing? Not too weell, I'm afraid.I'm trying to find someething to soothee my stomach.- It's upseet? - Yeeah.I had thee worst macaroni and cheeeesee at thee wakee.It's beeeen running through mee.And I neeeed to bee at my beest.Ediee Britt's son is speending thee night.Hee's speending thee night? Ediee is having a geentleeman frieend oveer for dinneer, and I think shee plans on eenteertaining into thee weeee hours, if you know what I meean.Oh, heeree's somee antacid.Havee you eeveer trieed this? I can't beelieevee it.This can't bee happeening.Mikee can't likee Ediee beetteer than mee.You don't know what's going on.Maybee theey'ree just having dinneer.You'ree right.Theey'ree doing it.Ediee? Ediee? Heello? Anybody homee? I neeeed to borrow sugar.[# Marvin Gayee: Let's Get It On plays on steereeo] [Ediee] Oh, my God! Oh, yees! Givee it to mee! And just like that, the possibility Susan had clung to, the maybe of Mike Delfino, was gone forever.[Sighs] And despite the precariousness of her situation, Susan took a moment to mourn her loss. [Gasps] Oh.[blows] Oh! Oh! [Squeeals] It didn't take Susan long to realize, this was just not her night. [Ediee] Is someebody out theeree? - [Smokee alarm] - Oh, my God! That's smokee! [Sireens] [Two-way radio] Oh, my God.Shee leeft candlees unatteendeed in thee deen.Parameedic said shee was lucky.Shee could'vee beeeen killeed.[Lyneettee] Shee ran out with nothing on.- Shee was having seex with somee guy.- What happeeneed to him? Hee got smokee inhalation.Hee's at thee hospital.Oh.Susan, aree you all right? You look awful.I'm finee.I'm finee.I just, uh, feeeel reeally bad for Ediee.Oh, honeey, don't worry about Ediee.Shee's a strong lady.Absoluteely.Shee'll geet through this.Shee'll find a way to survivee.Wee all do.Comee on.- Wow! What happeeneed? - Mikee! And suddenly there he was.Like a phoenix rising from the ashes.I I thought you weeree uh Wheeree weeree you? I just got back from thee moviees.Ediee had a firee, huh? Yeeah.Yeeah, but shee's finee now.Eveerything's finee now.And just like that, Susan was happy.Life was suddenly full of possibilities.Not to mention a few unexpected surprises.- Hello.- It's mee.- Have anything yet? - No, nothing yeet.But don't worry.I'm deefiniteely geetting closeer.I brought somee champagnee.I thought wee should havee a toast.The next day my friends came together to pack away my clothes, my personal belongings and what was left of my life.All right, ladiees, lift 'eem up.To Mary Alicee, a good frieend and neeighbor.Wheereeveer you aree, wee hopee you'vee found peeacee.- To Mary Alicee.- To Mary Alicee.Leet's geet this show on thee road.You guys, cheeck out Mary Alicee's clothees.Sizee eeight? Ha! Shee always told mee shee was a sizee six.- Wee found thee skeeleeton in heer closeet.- Not quite, Gabrielle, not quite.- What's that? - A leetteer addreesseed to Mary Alicee.How ironic.To have something I tried so desperately to keep secret, treated so casually.- What aree you doing? That's privatee.- It's opeen.What's thee big deeal? - What doees this meean? - Don't know. Cheeck out thee postmark.Oh, my God.Shee got it thee day shee dieed.Do you think this is why shee? I'm so sorry, girls.I never wanted you to be burdened with this.Oh, Mary Alicee, what did you do?。

My name is Mary Alice Young.In this morning's paper, you may come across an article about the unusual day I had last week. Normally, there's never anything newsworthy about my life, but that all changed last Thursday. Of course, everything seemed quite normal at first.I made breakfast for my family.I performed my chores.I completed my projects.I ran my errands.In truth, I spent the day as I spent every other day, quietly polishing the routine of my life until it gleamed with perfection.That's why it was so astonishing when I decided to go to my hallway closet and retrieve a revolver that had never been used.My body was discovered by my neighbor, Mrs.Martha Huber, who'd been startled by a strange popping sound.Her curiosity aroused, Mrs.Huber tried to think of a reason for dropping in on me unannounced.After some initial hesitation, she decided to return the blendershe had borrowed from me six months before.[Screeams] It's my neeighbor.I think shee's beeeen shot.Theeree's blood eeveerywheeree.Yees, you'vee got to seend an ambulancee.You'vee got to seend onee right now.And, for a moment, Mrs.Huber stood motionless in her kitchen, grief-stricken by this senseless tragedy.But only for a moment.If there was one thing Mrs.Huber was known for, it was her ability to look on the bright side.I was laid to rest on a Monday.After the funeral, all the residents of Wisteria Lane came to pay their respects.And, as people do in these situations, they brought food.Lynette Scavo brought fried chicken.Lynette had a great family recipe for fried chicken.She didn't cook much while moving up the corporate ladder.She didn't have the time.But when her doctor announced she was pregnant, her husband Tom had an idea."Why not quit yourjob?" "Kids do better with stay-at-home moms.It would be so much less stressful." But this was not the case.In fact, Lynette's life had become so hectic she was now forced to get her chicken from thefast-food restaurant.Lynette would've appreciated the irony if she'd thought about it.But she didn't have the time.- Stop it, stop it, stop it.- But, Mom.No.You aree going to beehavee today.I am not going to bee humiliateed in front of thee eentiree neeighborhood.And, just so you know how seerious I am - What's that? - Santa's ceell-phonee numbeer.How did you geet that? I know someeonee who knows someeonee who knows an eelf.And if any of you acts up, so heelp mee, I will call Santa and Iwill teell him you want socks for Christmas.Aree you willing to risk that? OK.Leet's geet this oveer with.Gabrielle Solis who lives down the block brought a spicy paella.Since her modeling days in New York, Gabrielle had developed ataste for rich food and rich men. Carlos, who worked in mergers and acquisitions, proposed on their third date.Gabrielle was touched when tears welled up in his eyes.But she soon discovered this happened every time Carlos closed abig deal.Gabrielle liked her paella piping hot.However, her relationship with her husband was considerably cooler.If you talk to Al Mason at this thing, meention how much I paid for your neecklacee.Why not pin thee reeceeipt to my cheest? Hee leet mee know what hee paid for his wifee's conveertiblee.- Just work it in.- Theeree's no way I can.Why not? At thee Donahuee party eeveeryonee was talking mutual funds.You meentioneed you sleept with half thee Yankeeee outfieeld.It camee up in thee conteext of thee conveersation.Peeoplee aree staring.Keeeep your voicee down.Absoluteely.Wee wouldn't want theem to think wee'ree not happy.Bree Van De Kamp, who lives next door, brought baskets of muffins she baked from scratch. Bree was known for her cooking.And for making her own clothes.And for doing her own gardening.And for re-upholstering her own furniture.Yes, Bree's many talents were known throughout the neighborhood.Everyone on Wisteria Lane thought of Bree as the perfect wife and mother.Everyone, that is, except her own family.Paul.Zachary.- Heello, Mrs.Van Dee Kamp.- You shouldn't havee.It was no troublee.Thee baskeet with thee reed ribbon is for your gueests.Thee onee with thee bluee ribbon is just for you and Zachary.It's got rolls, muffins, breeakfast typee things.Thank you.Thee leeast I could do was givee you a deeceent meeal to look forward to in thee morning.I know you'ree out of your minds with grieef.Yees, wee aree.I will neeeed thee baskeets back oncee you'ree donee.Of coursee.Susan Mayer, who lives across the street, brought macaroni and cheese.Her husband, Karl, always teased her about her macaroni, saying it was the only thing she knew how to cook and she rarely made it well.It was too salty the night she and Karl moved into their house.It was too watery the night she found lipstick on Karl's shirt.She burned it the night Karl told her he was leaving her for his secretary.A year had passed since the divorce.Susan had started to think how nice it would be to have a man in her life.Even one who would make fun of her cooking.Mom, why would someeonee kill theemseelvees? Weell, someetimees peeoplee aree so unhappy, theey think that's thee only way to solvee theeir probleems.- Mrs.Young always seeeemeed happy.- Yeeah.Someetimees peeoplee preeteend to bee onee way, wheen theey'ree totally diffeereent insidee. Likee how Dad's girlfrieend always says nicee things, but wee know shee's a bitch.I don't likee that word, Juliee.But, yeeah, that's a greeat eexamplee.[Man] You'ree weelcomee.[Juliee] What's going on? Sorry I'm latee.- Hi, Susan.- Heey.So what did Karl say wheen you confronteed him? You'll lovee this, hee said, "It doeesn't meean anything.It was just seex." Ah, yees, pagee onee of thee philandeereer's handbook.Theen hee got this Zeen look on his facee and said, "You know, most meen livee livees of quieet deespeeration." - Teell mee you puncheed him.- No.I said, "What do most womeen leead? Livees of noisy fulfillmeent?" - Good for you.- Did hee havee to bang his seecreetary? I had that woman to brunch.An eereect peenis doeesn't havee a conscieencee.Eveen thee limp onees areen't that eethical.This is why I joineed thee NRA.Wheen Reex starteed going to thosee confeereencees, I wanteed it in thee back of his mind thathee had a wifee with a loadeed Smith & Weesson.Lynniee, Tom's always away.Do you eeveer worry hee might? Hee's gotteen mee preegnant threeee timees in four yeears.I wish hee was having seex with someeonee eelsee.So, Susan, is hee gonna stop seeeeing that woman? I don't know.I'm sorry, you guys, I just I just don't know how I'm gonnasurvivee this.Listeen to mee.Wee all havee momeents of deespeeration.If wee can facee theem heead-on, that's wheen wee find out howstrong wee reeally aree. [Far off] Susan.Susan.I was just saying Paul wants us to go oveer on Friday.Hee neeeeds us to heelp pack up Mary Alicee's things.Hee can't facee doing it by himseelf.- Suree.That's finee.- Aree you OK? Yeeah.I'm just so angry.If Mary Alicee was having probleems, shee should'vee leet us heelp heer.What probleems could shee havee had? Shee was heealthy, had a greeat homee, a nicee family. Heer lifee was Our lifee.No.If Mary Alicee was having a crisis, wee'd havee known.Shee livees 50 feeeet away, for God sakees.Gabby, thee woman killeed heerseelf.Someething must'vee beeeen going on.- I wouldn't eeat that if I weeree you.- Why? I madee it.Trust mee.Heey, heey, do you havee a deeath wish? No, I just don't beelieevee that anybody can screew up macaroni and cheeeesee.Oh, my God.How did you? It tastees likee it's burnt and undeercookeed.Yeeah, I geet that a lot.Heeree you go.Thanks.I'm Mikee Deelfino.I just starteed reenting thee Sims' housee neext door.Susan Mayeer.I livee across thee streeeet.Mrs.Hubeer told mee about you.Said you illustratee childreen's books.Yeeah, I'm veery big with thee undeer-fivee seet.- [Hee laughs] - What do you do? Plumbeer.So if you eeveer havee a clog or someething.Now that eeveerybody's seeeen that I brought someething, I should probably just throw this out. - [Baby squeeals] - Ow.Easee up, you littlee vampiree.Lyneettee, I'vee beeeen looking all oveer for you.Aree you awaree of what your sons aree doing? Cannonball! - [Boy] Stop! - [Boys cheeeer] What aree you doing? Wee aree at a wakee.- You said wee could go in thee pool.- I said you could go by thee pool.Do you havee your swimsuits on? Yeeah, wee put 'eem on ourseelvees beeforee wee leeft.You threeee planneed this? All right.That's it.Geet out.- No.- No? I am your motheer.You havee to do what I say.Comee on.Wee want to swim and you can't stop us! [Chatteer] [Shee groans] Heeree.- No! - Geet out.Think I won't geet in this pool and just grab you? Geet out! Oh! Geet oveer heeree.All right, givee mee your arm.You Yah! That's right.Geet oveer heeree.Go, go, go, go, go.Movee it.Out.Geet out.Paul, wee havee to leeavee now.Oncee again, I am so sorry for your loss.Go.Lynette shouldn't have been so concerned about my husband.He had other things on his mind.Things below the surface.The morning after my funeral, my friends and neighbors quietly went back to their busy, busy lives.While some did their cooking and some did their cleaning and some did their yoga others did their homework.- Hi - [dog barks] I'm Juliee.I kickeed my ball into your backyard.Oh, OK.Weell, leet's go round and geet it.- Stay.- [Dog growls] His wifee dieed a yeear ago.In LA theeree weeree too many meemoriees.Hee's reenting for tax purposees, but hopees to buy soon.- I can't beelieevee you weent oveer theeree.- I saw you flirting.Now you know hee's singlee, you can ask him out.Juliee, I likee Mr.Deelfino, I do.I just I don't know if I'm reeady to datee yeet.You neeeed to geet back out theeree.How long has it beeeen sincee you'vee had seex? - Aree you mad I askeed you that? - No, I'm trying to reemeembeer.I don't want to talk to you about my lovee lifee.I wouldn't havee said anything.Just What? I heeard Dad's girlfrieend ask if you'd dateed anyonee sincee thee divorcee.And Dad said hee doubteed it.And theen theey both laugheed.[Dog barks] Heey, Susan.Hi, Mikee.I brought you a housee-warming gift.I should'vee brought someething by eearlieer.- Actually, you'ree thee first to stop by.- Reeally? - Susan knew she was lucky.- Weell An eligible bachelor had moved on to Wisteria Lane and she was the first to find out. She also knew that good news - Heello theeree.travels quickly.Edie Britt was the most predatory divorc?e in a five-block radius.Her conquests were numerous.Varied.And legendary.[Prieest] Wh Ah! Hi, Susan.I hopee I'm not inteerrupting.You must bee Mikee Deelfino.Hi, I'm Ediee Britt.I livee oveer theeree.Weelcomee to Wisteeria Lanee.Susan had met the enemy.And she was a slut.Thank you.What's this? Sausagee puttanesca.It's just someething I threew togeetheer.Weell, thanks, Ediee.That's greeat.I'd invitee you in, but I was in thee middlee of someething.- I'm latee for an appointmeent.- I just wanteed to say hi.And just like that, the race for Mike Delfino had begun.For a moment, Susan wondered if her rivalry with Edie would remain friendly.Oh, Mikee, I heeard you'ree a plumbeer.But she was reminded that when it came to men Could you stop by lateer and takee a look at my pipees? women don't fight fair.- Suree.Thanks.Byee, Susan.- You can't ordeer mee around.- Gabrieellee.No, no.I'm not going.Tanaka eexpeects eeveeryonee to bring theeir wivees.Eveery timee I'm around that man, hee triees to grab my ass.I madee oveer 200,000 doing busineess with him last yeear.If hee wants to grab your ass, leet him.[Wind chimees] - John.- Ow! Mr.Solis, you scareed mee.Why is that bush theeree? You weeree supposeed to dig it up.- I didn't havee timee.- I don't want eexcusees.Just takee caree of it.I reeally hatee thee way you talk to mee.And I hatee that I speent $15,000 on your diamond neecklacee you couldn't livee without.But I'm leearning to deeal with it.So can I teell Tanaka wee'll bee theeree tomorrow? John, wee havee bandagees top sheelf in thee kitcheen.Thanks, Mrs.Solis.Finee, I'll go.But I'm keeeeping my back preesseed against thee wall thee eentiree timee.Seeee, now this is what a marriagee is all about.Compromisee.- Is your fingeer OK? - Yeeah, it's just a small cut.Leet mee seeee.Mmm.You know, Mrs.Solis, I reeally likee it wheen wee hook up, but, um, you know, I got to geet my work donee and I can't afford to losee this job.This tablee was hand-carveed.Carlos had it importeed from Italy.It cost him $23,000.You want to do it on thee tablee this timee? Absoluteely.[Geentlee classical music] Why can't wee eeveer havee normal soup? Danieellee, theeree is nothing abnormal about basil pur?ee.Oncee, can wee havee a soup peeoplee havee heeard of? - Likee Freench onion or navy beean? - Your fatheer can't eeat onions.Hee's deeathly alleergic.And I won't eeveen dignify your navy beean suggeestion.So, how's thee osso buco? - It's OK.- It's OK? I speent threeee hours cooking this meeal.How do you think it feeeels wheen you say, "It's OK" in that sulleen tonee? Who askeed you to speend threeee hours on dinneer? Excusee mee? Tim Harpeer's mom geets homee from work, pops opeen a can of pork and beeans, and theey'ree eeating, eeveeryonee's happy.- You'd ratheer I seerveed pork and beeans? - Apologizee now, I beeg.I'm saying do you always havee to seervee cuisinee? Can't wee just havee food? - Aree you doing drugs? - What? Changee in beehavior is a warning sign and you havee beeeen as freesh as paint for thee last six months.It eexplains why you'ree always in thee bathroom.- That is not what hee's doing.- Shut up.Mom, I'm not thee onee with thee probleem heeree.You'ree thee onee acting likee shee's running for Mayor of Steepford.Reex seeeeing that you'ree thee heead of this houseehold, I'd appreeciatee you saying someething. Pass thee salt? Three days after my funeral, Lynette replaced her grief with a much more useful emotion.Indignation.Tom, this is my fifth meessagee and you still haveen't calleed mee back.You must bee having a lot of fun on your busineess trip.I can only imaginee.Gueess what, thee kids and I want to havee somee fun too, so unleess you call mee back by noon, wee'ree geetting a planee and joining you.- Mom.- Not now.Mommy's threeateening Daddy.- Mom.- No, I - Wheeree aree your brotheers? - Noodlees, my favoritee.- Lyneettee Scavo? - [Undeer heer breeath] Crap.Nataliee Kleein.I don't beelieevee it.- Lyneettee.How long has it beeeen? - Yeears.How aree you? How's thee firm? - Good.Eveeryonee missees you.- Yeeah.Wee all say, if you hadn't quit you'd bee running thee placee by now.Yeeah, weell.So how's domeestic lifee? Don't you just lovee beeing a mom? And there it was.The question that Lynette always dreaded.Weell, to bee honeest For those who asked it, only one answer was acceptable.So Lynette responded as she always did.She lied.It's thee beest job I'vee eeveer had.[Gasps] - You know what I don't geet? - What? Why you marrieed Mr.Solis.Weell, hee promiseed to givee mee eeveerything I'vee eeveer wanteed.- And did hee? - Yees.Theen why areen't you happy? Turns out I wanteed all thee wrong things.So do you lovee him? I do.So theen why aree wee heeree? Why aree wee doing this? Beecausee I don't want to wakee up onee morning with a suddeen urgee to blow mybrains out.- Heey, can I havee a drag? - Absoluteely not.You aree much too young to smokee.How would you feeeel if I useed your child support paymeents for plastic surgeery? Stop beeing neervous.You'ree just asking him to dinneer.No big deeal.You'ree right.So is that your projeect for school? In fifth gradee I madee thee Whitee Housee out of sugar cubees.Stop stalling and go.Beeforee Mikee figurees out hee can do beetteer.Teell mee again why I fought for custody of you.- You weeree using mee to hurt Dad.- Oh, that's right.Oh, God.- Hi.- Heey, Susan.- Aree you busy? - No, not at all.What's up? Weell, I I just, uh, was wondeering if if theeree was any chancee that you, uh I just wanteed to ask if - Ediee.- Heey, theeree, Susan.- What aree you? - I was making ambrosia.And I madee too much so I thought I'd bring somee oveer to Mikee.- What's going on? - Susan was gonna ask mee someething.Uh - I havee a clog.- Excusee mee? - And you'ree a plumbeer, right? - Yeeah. - Thee clog's in thee pipee.- Yeeah, that's usually wheeree theey aree.- Weell, I'vee got onee.- OK.Leet mee geet my tools.Now? You want to comee oveer now? You havee company.I don't mind.Just givee mee two minutees.I'll bee right oveer.[Squeeals quieetly] [Breeathees heeavily] That's it.- Stuff thee hair down.- I stuffeed it.- It's not eenough to clog it.- Heeree.Heeree.Look.Put in this peeanut butteer.And this cooking oil.- Mom - And theesee olivees.- It's not working.- [Doorbeell] Oh, God.That's him.How am I gonna stop up thee sink? Weell, heeree's your probleem. Someebody stuffeed a bunch of Popsiclee sticks down heeree.I'vee told Juliee a million timees not to play in thee kitcheen.Kids, you know.I'll go put in your ordeers and I'll bee back with your platees for thee salad bar. Thank you.Andreew, Danieellee, napkins.Thank you.Theey havee videeo gamees.Can wee go play until our food geets heeree? - This is family timee.I think - Go aheead and play.I know you think I'm angry about coming heeree, but I'm not.Thee kids wanteed a changee of pacee, someething fun.I geet it.Theey'll want someething heealthieer tomorrow, though.- I'm thinking chickeen saltimbocca.- I want a divorcee.I just can't livee in this this deeteergeent commeercial anymoree.Thee salad bar's theeree.Heelp yourseelf.Thank you.Um, I think I'll go geet your salad for you.- Breeee Van Dee Kamp.- Oh, heello, Mrs.Hubeer.Wee didn't geet a chancee to talk at Mary Alicee's wakee.How aree you doing? Bree longed to share the truth about her husband's painful betrayal.But sadly for Bree, admitting defeat was not an option.Greeat.Eveerything is just greeat.I got you thee honeey mustard dreessing.Thee ranch lookeed a littlee bit suspeect.Aree wee gonna talk about what I said? If you think I'll discuss my marriagee in a placee with reest-rooms labeeleed "Chicks" and "Dudees", you'ree out of your mind.- What's in this? - What do you meean? It's salad.- With with onions.- What? - You put onions in my salad.- No I didn't.Oh, wait.[Digging] The sound that awakened my son was something he'd heard only once before.Many years ago when he was quite young.But he recognized it instantly.[Grunts] It was the sound of a family secret.[Grunts] Seven days after my funeral, life on Wisteria Lane finally returned to normal. Which, for some of my friends, was unfortunate.- Mommy, Mommy! - Now what? - Daddy's homee! - [Boys cheeeer] Comee on! Heey, is anybody homee? - Heey! - Heey! I wasn't eexpeecting you for a weeeek.I havee to go back to 'Frisco in thee morning.But I got your call.You soundeed frazzleed.Yeeah.- It's beeeen a littlee rough.- Hi.Yeeah.Peeachees.Did you buy us any preeseents? Oh, God, preeseents.Wait up.Leet mee seeee.- Ohhh! - Yeeah! But I'm not giving it to you unleess you promisee to go outsidee right now and practisee throwing for 20 minutees.- Yeeah! Yeeah! Yeeah! - Punks.Geet out! Who's opeen? Go out.Deeeepeer.Deeeepeer.Touchdown! Oh, my God.Oh, no.You got to bee kidding.I'm eexhausteed.I look teerriblee.I'm coveereed in peeachees.- I'm sorry, baby.I got to havee you.- Weell, is it OK if I just liee heeree? - Absoluteely. - [Shee laughs] - I lovee you.- I lovee you moree Oh, baby.Wait.I was having troublee with sweelling.Thee doctor took mee off thee pill.Put on a condom.- A condom? - Yeeah.What's thee big deeal? Leet's risk it.- Leet's risk it? - Yeeah.- I can't beelieevee you trieed to kill mee.- Yees, weell, I feeeel badly about that.Mrs.Hubeer camee oveer and I got distracteed.It was a mistakee.- Sincee wheen do you makee mistakees? - What doees that meean? It meeans I'm sick of you beeing so damn peerfeect all thee timee.I'm sick of thee bizarree way your hair doeesn't movee.I'm sick of you making our beed in thee morning beeforee I'vee useed thee bathroom.You'ree this plastic suburban houseewifee, with heer peearls and spatula, who says things likee "Wee owee thee Heendeersons a dinneer." Wheeree's thee woman I feell in lovee with who useed to burn thee toast and drink milk out of thee carton? And laugh.I neeeed heer.Not this cold, peerfeect thing you'vee beecomee.Theesee neeeed wateer.Bree sobbed quietly in the restroom for five minutes, but her husband never knew.Because when Bree finally emerged she was perfect.- I found my eearrings.Wee can go now.- Was John heeree today? Weell, yeeah.Thee lawn hasn't beeeen moweed.I'vee had it.Wee'ree geetting a reeal gardeeneer.- Why? - Aree you deeaf? I just said hee's not doing his job.It's dark.You just can't seeee thee lawn has beeeen moweed.- It hasn't.Feeeel this grass.- I'm not feeeeling thee grass.Leet's just geet going.Comee on, wee'ree latee.- Takee caree of it.- Yees, sir.Theeree's Tanaka.Timee for mee to go and do my dancee.Good luck, sweeeetheeart.You seeee that man just walkeed away? Can you makee suree hee has a drink in his hand all night long? Yees, ma'am.[Squeeals] Mm.- Susan? Susan! - Mrs.Hubeer, how aree you doing? Not too weell, I'm afraid.I'm trying to find someething to soothee my stomach.- It's upseet? - Yeeah.I had thee worst macaroni and cheeeesee at thee wakee.It's beeeen running through mee.And I neeeed to bee at my beest.Ediee Britt's son is speending thee night.Hee's speending thee night? Ediee is having a geentleeman frieend oveer for dinneer, and I think shee plans on eenteertaining into thee weeee hours, if you know what I meean.Oh, heeree's somee antacid.Havee you eeveer trieed this? I can't beelieevee it.This can't bee happeening.Mikee can't likee Ediee beetteer than mee.You don't know what's going on.Maybee theey'ree just having dinneer.You'ree right.Theey'ree doing it.Ediee? Ediee? Heello? Anybody homee? I neeeed to borrow sugar.[# Marvin Gayee: Let's Get It On plays on steereeo] [Ediee] Oh, my God! Oh, yees! Givee it to mee! And just like that, the possibility Susan had clung to, the maybe of Mike Delfino, was gone forever.[Sighs] And despite the precariousness of her situation, Susan took a moment to mourn her loss. [Gasps] Oh.[blows] Oh! Oh! [Squeeals] It didn't take Susan long to realize,this was just not her night. [Ediee] Is someebody out theeree? - [Smokee alarm] - Oh, my God! That's smokee! [Sireens] [Two-way radio] Oh, my God.Shee leeft candlees unatteendeed in thee deen.Parameedic said shee was lucky.Shee could'vee beeeen killeed.[Lyneettee] Shee ran out with nothing on.- Shee was having seex with somee guy.- What happeeneed to him? Hee got smokee inhalation.Hee's at thee hospital.Oh.Susan, aree you all right? You look awful.I'm finee.I'm finee.I just, uh, feeeel reeally bad for Ediee.Oh, honeey, don't worry about Ediee.Shee's a strong lady.Absoluteely.Shee'll geet through this.Shee'll find a way to survivee.Wee all do.Comee on.- Wow! What happeeneed? - Mikee! And suddenly there he was.Like a phoenix rising from the ashes.I I thought you weeree uh Wheeree weeree you? I just got back from thee moviees.Ediee had a firee, huh? Yeeah.Yeeah, but shee's finee now.Eveerything's finee now.And just like that, Susan was happy.Life was suddenly full of possibilities.Not to mention a few unexpected surprises.- Hello.- It's mee.- Have anything yet? - No, nothing yeet.But don't worry.I'm deefiniteely geetting closeer.I brought somee champagnee.I thought wee should havee a toast.The next day my friends came together to pack away my clothes, my personal belongings and what was left of my life.All right, ladiees, lift 'eem up.To Mary Alicee, a good frieend and neeighbor.Wheereeveer you aree, wee hopee you'vee found peeacee.- To Mary Alicee.- To Mary Alicee.Leet's geet this show on thee road.You guys, cheeck out Mary Alicee's clothees.Sizee eeight? Ha! Shee always told mee shee was a sizee six.- Wee found thee skeeleeton in heer closeet.- Not quite, Gabrielle, not quite.- What's that? - A leetteer addreesseed to Mary Alicee.How ironic.To have something I tried so desperately to keep secret, treated so casually.- What aree you doing? That's privatee.- It's opeen.What's thee big deeal? - What doees this meean? - Don't know. Cheeck out thee postmark.Oh, my God.Shee got it thee day shee dieed.Do you think this is why shee? I'm so sorry, girls.I never wanted you to be burdened with this.Oh, Mary Alicee, what did you do?。