"I Forgive You"
1RT Marriage isn't the only relationship that needs forgiveness. It's
required with our children, friends, workmates, neighbours and even
strangers. In fact, no human relationship can survive without the
oxygen of forgiveness. It's not the kind of quality that only
good-tempered people choose to have; it's a universal necessity for
relationships and for your own physical and mental health.
“我原谅你”
并非只有婚姻关系才需要宽恕。我们与子女、朋友、同事、邻居，甚至陌生人相处时同样需要宽恕。事实上，没有宽恕的氧气，任何人际关系都无从维系。宽恕并不是脾气好的人们才拥有的特质；它是所有关系的必要条件，也是自己的身心健康不可缺少的。close
2RT Some of us may think that we've been hurt too deeply, or too
often, to forgive. But ironically, it's those of us who've been most hurt
that really need to forgive, for one simple reason: like cancer,
bitterness can destroy its host. Unless it's swiftly rooted out, it
takes
hold and grows, crippling and eventually even killing those who insist
on clinging determinedly to it.
有些人可能认为，自己受伤太深、次数太多，无法宽恕。可耐人寻味的是，恰恰是被伤得最深的人，才真正需要宽恕别人，原因很简单：仇恨就像癌症，会毁掉宿主。如果不尽快铲除，它就会生根发芽，使那些执意仇恨无法释怀的人受伤甚至死亡。close
3RT For the truth is that unless we can forgive, we can never recover.
Our wounds will continue to grow worse and never heal. As the ancient
Chinese proverb puts it, "Whoever seeks revenge should dig two
graves."
因为事实是，除非我们能宽恕他人，否则就永远无法恢复。伤口会继续溃烂，永不愈合。中国有句古谚：“复仇者必自绝”。close
4RT For some people forgiveness seems impossible because they have
no idea how to go about it. The first and most important thing you need
to accept is that the act of forgiveness is not going to be easy. In fact,
it will probably be the hardest thing most of us ever have to do.
对有些人来说，宽恕他人似乎是不可能的，因为他们根本不知从何做起。首先你要接受一个非常重要的事实：宽恕他人并不是件容易的事。事实上，对于我们大多数人来说，这也许是最难做到的。close 5RT It seems totally unfair that we should forgive when we're the ones
who have been hurt. And that's the core of forgiveness.
被伤害的是我们，却还要宽恕他人，这似乎毫无公平可言，然而这正是宽恕的关键所在。close
6RT The saying "Forgive and forget" may roll off the tongue, but it's as
shallow as it is short. For one thing, it's totally impossible. For another,
it misses the whole point of forgiveness. The things we most need to
forgive in life are the things we can't forget. Rather than sweeping
them under the carpet, we need to draw a line under them, deliberately
choosing not to count them against the person who did them, and
moving on.
“宽恕并忘记”，这句俗话谁都会脱口而出，但实际上既简单又肤浅。一则这是绝对不可能的，二则它完全偏离了宽恕的真正含义。生活中最需要宽恕的事正是那些无法忘记的事。我们不应把这些事掩饰起来，而需记住它们，并有意不因此对做过这些事的人怀有成见，然后继续生活。close
7RT That's why, sometimes, the initial act of forgiveness may seem
relatively easy, but dealing with the emotions that follow every time
you see that person, or speak to or just think about him or her, can be
harder. True forgiveness is not a one-off act; it's a
constant emotional
confrontation.
这就是为什么有的时候会感到：宽恕别人，一开始会相对容易些，难的是每次你看到那个人，与他谈话，甚至只是想起他之后如何控制自己的感情。真正的宽恕不是一劳永逸之举，而是持久的情感面对。close
8RT And the longer you wait to forgive someone, the harder it
becomes. Time really doesn't heal; it just gives the bitterness and
resentment longer to eat away at you from inside. If you wait for the
"right time", you may never do it.
等待越久，宽恕就越难。实际上，时间不会愈合伤口，只会让愤懑和仇恨更长时间地吞噬你的内心。如果要等待 “适当的时候”，你也许永远都找不到机会。close
9RT A question you should ask yourself before you begin to tackle the
art of forgiveness is this: How many of us are ever completely innocent
in any given situation?
开始运用宽恕的艺术之前，你先要问自己这样一个问题：我们中有多少人在特定的场合下是完全无辜的呢？close
10RT Some years ago, my wife and I bought a piece of cheap
furniture. For the first few months, it fooled everyone — it was smart,
functional and impressive, and we felt it fitted our home perfectly. But
as time rolled by, the thin covering slowly began to peel at the edges.
It didn't create the same impression any more, but at least it was being
honest! The fact is that, like it or not, behind our smart covering, we're
all just chipboard. So before we become other people's judge and jury, we'd be wise to take a long, hard look at ourselves in the mirror. And
the more we see ourselves, warts and all, the more we'll want to and be
able to forgive others for their flaws, and the more we forgive, the more
we'll know true contentment.
几年前，我和妻子买了一件便宜家具。最初几个月，它蒙蔽了所有人 —— 美观、实用、人见人爱。我们认为它太适合我们家了。可时间一长，表面薄层的边角部分开始慢慢脱落。再也没有当初的效果了，不过至少它现在是以真实面目示人！事实是，不管喜欢不喜欢，在漂亮的表层下，我们都只是刨花板。因此，在我们评判别人之前，明智的做法是先在镜子里认真审视自己。我们越是审视自己，正视自己的缺点，便越愿意也越能够宽恕他人的缺点，宽恕得越多，也就越能体会到真正的满足。close
11RT Forgiving others can get a satisfying reaction. I've found that
saying sorry to my kids has not only healed broken relationships but
has helped ease the situation, making it easier for my kids to ask for
forgiveness themselves. So if you think you're right and can't find it in
yourself to forgive, ask yourself this question: would you rather be
right or happy?
宽恕他人能得到令人满意的反应。我发现向自己的孩子道歉不仅修复了我们破裂的关系，也有助于缓和紧张的局面，使孩子们更容易自己开口请求我的宽恕。如果你认为自己是对的，没有办法宽恕，那么问自己这个问题：要正确，还是要快乐？close
12RT One of the hardest things about forgiveness is making that first
move especially when you haven't spoken to the person who hurt you
for a while. But remember they'll probably be happy to hear from you.
They might even be impressed that you've done what they've wanted
to do for years. But keep in mind you're doing this for you just as much
as for them, so don't be upset if they don't react as you hoped.
要宽恕别人，最难的一点是迈出第一步 —— 如果你已经好长时间不和伤害你的人讲话，就更是如此。但请记住，他们很可能会很高兴得到你的消息。他们也许甚至会因为你做了他们多年来想着要做的事而深受感动。但谨记你这样做是为他们，同样也是为自己，所以即便他们的反应有违你的期望也不要难过。close
13RT Of course, some people don't believe they've done anything
wrong, or don't care, so telling them you forgive them would only
frustrate them and you. But that doesn't mean you can't find
forgiveness in your heart. In fact, that's what true forgiveness is:
letting go of your anger and hurt, becoming at peace with what
happened and moving on.
当然，有些人并不认为自己做错了什么，或者根本不在乎，因此如果你说要宽恕他们，那只会让两个人都懊恼。但这并不意味着你自己的心里没有宽恕。实际上，这才是真正的宽恕：不再生气，不再感觉受伤，心平气和对待发生的事，继续自己的生活。close
14RT The more you nurture your resentment, the more unhappy
you'll become. Unless you learn to develop the "lost art" of forgiving,
you'll always remain a victim, not just of people who've done you wrong,
but also of your own emotions.
