爆笑英语经典笑话欣赏

英语笑话十则以下是为您创作的英语笑话十则，希望能给您带来欢乐！1、 Teacher: ＂John, if you have five apples in your hand and I take away two, how many apples do you have left?＂John: ＂In my hand? None, because you took them away!＂我记得有一次在课堂上，老师讲这个笑话的时候，全班同学都哄堂大笑。

那个场景真的特别有趣，大家笑得前仰后合，有的同学甚至都笑出了眼泪。

就好像那一刻，所有的学习压力都被这轻松的笑话一扫而空。

2、 Teacher: ＂Why are you late, Tom?＂Tom: ＂Because of the sign＂Teacher: ＂What sign?＂Tom: ＂The one that says ＇School Ahead, Go Slow'＂这让我想起了小时候上学，我有个同学也总是找各种奇怪的理由迟到，每次老师听完都是又好气又好笑。

3、 Customer: ＂Waiter, this soup is too salty＂Waiter: ＂Yes, sir It's really salty Maybe the salt went on vacation and brought all its friends＂就像我们平时出去吃饭，如果碰到菜不好吃，大家可能就会这样互相调侃，一下子氛围就变得轻松起来。

4、 Dad: ＂Did you pass your English test?＂Kid: ＂Yes, but I didn't fail it either＂记得有一回，我邻居家的孩子考了个模棱两可的成绩，回家跟他爸爸这么说的时候，他爸爸那一脸无奈的表情，真是让人忍俊不禁。

5、 Patient: ＂Doctor, I have a problem I can't remember anything＂Doctor: ＂How long have you had this problem?＂Patient: ＂How long have I had what problem?＂这种糊涂的对话，是不是像极了有时候我们自己大脑突然短路的瞬间？6、 Teacher: ＂If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits do you have?＂Student: ＂Seven!＂Teacher: ＂How do you make seven?＂Student: ＂Because I already have one at home!＂想到之前参加同学聚会，大家回忆起上学时候的这些趣事，还是会笑得停不下来。

经典英语小笑话大全爆笑善讲笑活,很受各种社交场台的欢迎,因为人们喜欢与机敏活泼、幽默风趣的人交往。

下面是店铺带来的经典爆笑英语小笑话，欢迎阅读! 经典爆笑英语小笑话篇一寻找出纳员 Looking for a CashierThere was a banker who attended a dinner party, and a friend said to him, "Oh! I heard that your bank is looking for a cashier," and the banker said "Yes, yes, we are, we are." And then the friend said, "But I thought you just hired one a few weeks ago."So the banker replied, "Yes, yes, indeed, we did. That's the one we're looking for now."So the friend said, "Can you describe him? What does he look like?" And the banker replied, "Well, he is about five feet tall and (we're about) one hundred thousand dollars short."晚宴上，有位银行家坐在那儿，他的朋友问他：“我听说你们银行在找一位出纳，是吗?”银行家回答：“是的，我们是在找。

”朋友说：“不过你们几个礼拜以前不是已经请到一个人了吗?”银行家说：“我们确实是雇用了一个人，而我们现在就是在找这个人。

英语小笑话爆笑带翻译英语小笑话大全爆笑带翻译（精选8篇）笑话一般比较短小,喜剧性很强,普遍存在于人们的日常生活中。

笑话的娱乐作用可以减轻人的心理压力,促进身体健康。

店铺精心收集了英语小笑话大全爆笑带翻译（精选8篇），供大家欣赏学习!英语小笑话爆笑带翻译篇1While the doctor was looking over the man, his wife kept fussing(烦躁，发牢骚) andjabbering(快而含糊地说) all the time. The doctor told her: "Your husband must get absolute rest and quiet." Then he left some sleeping pills.The man's wife asked, "When do I dive them to my husband?" The doctor replied, "No, they are not for him. They are for you. You need them."有个人生病了。

他的妻子请了一位医生来给他治病。

医生在给他治疗的时候，他的妻子一直大惊小怪，神神叨叨地紧张不安。

医生对她说：“你的丈夫必须绝对休息和保持安静。

” 然后他就留下了一些安眠药。

她问医生：“什么时候给我丈夫吃这些药呀!”医生回答说：“不用，这些药不是给他吃的，是给你吃的，你需要。

”英语小笑话爆笑带翻译篇2She was so excited and anxious to tell him. She said, "I've bought two presents for your birthday, dear. I would tell you now because I can't wait until that day. One present is a mat to put in front of my dressing table. Another one is a bronze statuette(小雕像) for the drawing room mantelpiece." And then she added: "Now me?"Her husband thought for a while and then replied: "I'd better get you a new razor and some ties, so that we may exchange presents with each other."有个女人给她的丈夫买了生日礼物。

英文文字笑话大全爆笑冷笑话作为一种新兴的语言现象，越来越受到大家的关注，尤其在网络、杂志、微博、电影上十分盛行。

小编精心收集了爆笑英文笑话，供大家欣赏学习!爆笑英文笑话篇1Mr. Brown was reading his evening paper when there came a tremendous banging down thestairs. He jumped up, ran to the hall, and discovered his schoolboy son sprawled on the floor.布朗先生在看晚报，忽然传来一阵什么东西从楼上摔下来的响声。

他跳了起来，跑到厅里，发现自己上了学的儿子四角朝天地躺在地上。

"Did you miss a step?" asked his dad.“你是不是踩漏了一级台阶?”爸爸问。

"No, I caught every blessed one!" came the bitter answered.“不，我每一级都撞上了，一级也没有漏掉!”儿子痛苦地回答。

爆笑英文笑话篇2Neighbour: Do you think your son will forget all he learned at college?邻居：您认为您的儿子会把在大学里学的东西全忘光吗?Father: I hope so -- he certainly can’t make a living by kissing girls!父亲：我希望这样-他当然不能以吻女孩子谋生吧!爆笑英文笑话篇3Our son, at age of five, had a fascination for motorcycles. The sight of one would always bringforth squeals of delight, accompanied by excited remarks of "Look at that! Look at that! I’mgoing to have one of those someday," his dad’s response always was "Not as lo ng as I’malive."我五岁的儿子对摩托车有强烈的爱好。

简单幽默英语小笑话(细选3篇)简单幽默英语小笑话1There once was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime. After three neighbors' houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog.So one day the wife went to the pet store and said, “I need a good guard dog.”And the clerk replied, “Sorry, we're all sold out. All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But he knows karate.”The wife didn't believe him so he said to the dog, "Karate that chair.”The dog went up to the chair and broke it into pieces, then he said to the dog, “Karate that table.” The dog went up to the table and broke it in half.So the wife bought the dog and took it home to her husband who was expecting a big guard dog. But then she told her husband that it knew karate, and he said “Karate my ass!”简单幽默英语小笑话2Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze!"The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"The first kid says, "A circumcision."And the second kid says, "Whoa! I had that done when I was born. I couldn't walk for a year!"简单幽默英语小笑话3Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with hand-held fan and tiny tissues.Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with thesenew, roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, too-muumuus with tummy-support panels are included.Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a cheer-leader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken, Jr. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white, and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.Mid-life Cr Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change, and Alonzo (her personal trainer)is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B别睡在庙里，因为跑得了和尚跑不了庙!初恋防震最佳，因为爱情像雨像雾又像风。

英语简短笑话大全爆笑冷笑话是近年来颇为流行的一种语言现象,主要以机智、幽默著称。

小编精心收集了爆笑英语简短笑话，供大家欣赏学习!爆笑英语简短笑话篇1A story around campus has it that a student once sent a telegram to his parents reading: "Mom - flunked(不及格，失败) all courses. Kicked out of school. Prepare Pop."Two days later he received a response: "Pop prepared. Prepare yourself."校园里流传着这样的故事：一个学生一次给父母拍了一份电报，上面写着：“妈妈，我所有功课都不及格，被学校开除。

让爸爸做好准备。

”两天以后，他收到了回电：“爸爸已准备好。

你自己做好准备吧!”爆笑英语简短笑话篇2Class and AssProfessor Laurie of Glasgow put this notice on his door：“Professor Laurie will not meet his classes today.” A student，after reading the notice，rubbed out the“c”. Later Professor Laurie came along，and entering into the spirit of the joke，rubbed out the“l”.格拉斯哥的劳里教授在门上贴了这样一个通知：“劳里教授今天不会他的班。

” 一个学生读了通知后，擦掉了字母“c”。

后来劳里教授来了，也想开开玩笑，他擦掉了字母“l”。

爆笑英语简短笑话篇3Mike was late for school. He said to his teacher, Mr. Black, "Excuse me for my coming late, sir. I watched a football match in my dream.""Why did it make you late?" inquired the teacher."Because neither team could win the game, so it lasted a long time." replied Mike.麦克上学迟到了。

爆笑英语经典笑话笑话能反映出一个民族的价值系统及其对周围世界肯定和否定的态度。

小编精心收集了爆笑经典英语笑话，供大家欣赏学习!爆笑经典英语笑话篇1Directly from AmericaNot long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bankcounter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."【中文译文】它们是从美国直接带来的一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。

在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。

这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。

这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。

”爆笑经典英语笑话篇2He Is Really Somebody-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.-- He is really somebody. What does he do?-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.【中文译文】他真是一个大人物-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。

短篇精选英语爆笑笑话100篇1、"There was a blonde that was so sick of blonde jokes she died her hair re d.The jokes stopped and she felt so good,she took a ride in the country one Saturday afternoon.While on this ride,she noticed a flock of sheep and stopped the car to take&n......"2、"There is this guy and this girl and they want to have sex.So they go to the girls house and before entering the girl stops the guy and says.""My l ittle sister sleeps on the bottom bunk of our bunk bed and I do not want her to know what we are doing,so when I say`baloney`it means push h arder,and when I say`pastrami`it means push slower.""......"3、1．What the fuck is going on?（到底他妈的怎么回事?）通常此话出于黑人之口，且口气最宜为疑惑，不解，愤怒等等。

若是白人则多数时候会说-What the hell is going on?意义相同而适用于更多场合。

说此话之人身份通常为上级，且相处较久。

不过如果你出差回家时看见老婆身边躺着个赤条条的陌生人，那它可就派上大用场了！2．You son of bitch!（你个狗娘养的！）令人意外的是，最爱说这句话的往往是女性。

20个英语笑话爆笑超短的欣赏一些幽默的英语笑话，能提高我们阅读英语的兴趣，从而提高英语的阅读能力，今天店铺在这里为大家分享20个英语笑话爆笑超短，希望大家喜欢这些英语笑话!20个英语笑话爆笑超短篇一1.Before the final examination, Tom told his mother, "Mom, I had a dream last night that I'd passed today's exam.""Don't trust dreams, dear. It is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite." Mother replied."Then I do hope I'll fail the other subjects in my dream tonight," Tom said.在期末考试之前，汤姆告诉他的母亲：“妈妈，我昨天晚上做了一个梦，梦见我通过了今天的考试。

”“不要相信梦，亲爱的。

据说梦中的经历通常与现实相反。

”妈妈答道。

“那么，我真希望在今晚的梦中，我的其他功课都不及格。

”汤姆说。

2.On the way home after watching a ballet performance, the kindergarten teacher asked her students what they thought of it. The smallest girl in the class said she wished the dancers were taller so that they would not have to stand on their toes all the time.在观看完芭蕾舞表演回家的路上，幼儿园老师问学生的观后感。

经典爆笑儿童英文笑话大全笑死人笑话是民间文化的一个重要门类,笑话使人捧腹,在引人发笑之余,也让人慨叹,发人深思。

小编精心收集了经典爆笑儿童英文笑话，供大家欣赏学习!经典爆笑儿童英文笑话：Snake BiteTwo brothers go camping. Billy is wearing his FAVORITE shirt in the whole world!Suddenly, Philip gets bit by a poisonous snake.Billy calls the doctor.He tells the story and they reply back."This is TERIBLE! Quick, wrap his bite with something like your shirt or he might die."Philip cries out a question, "What did the doc...ouch...say?""Doctor says you’re going to die!"经典爆笑儿童英文笑话：Do Farts Have.......A kindergarten teacher one day is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word "definitely" to them. To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence. The first student raised his hand and said "The sky is definitely blue". The teacher said, "Well, that isn't entirely correct, because sometimes it's gray and cloudy".Another student says, "Grass is definitely green." The teacher again replies "If grass doesn't get enough water it turns brown, so that isn't really correct either."Another student raises his hand and asks the teacher "Do farts have lumps?" The teacher looked at him and said "No...But that isn't really a question you want to ask in class discussion." So the student replies, "Then I definitely shit my pants."经典爆笑儿童英文笑话：Sherlock HomesSherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip.After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and went to sleep.Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend."Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars.""What does that tell you?" Holmes asked,Watson pondered for a minute."Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant.Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow."What does it tell you?" Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke."Watson, you idiot. Somebody has stolen our tent!"经典爆笑儿童英文笑话：IntelligenceTwo men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, "Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?" "I don't know," responded the other. "I'll ask him."So he climbed out of the hole and went to his boss. "Why are we digging in the hot sun and you're standing in the shade?" "Intelligence," the boss said. "What do you mean, �intelligence'?"The boss said, "Well, I'll show you. I'll put my hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with your fist as hard as you can." The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to hit the boss' hand. The boss removed his hand and the ditch digger hit the tree. The boss said, "That's intelligence!"The ditch digger went back to his hole. His friend asked, "What did he say?" "He said we are down here because of intelligence." "What's intelligence?" said the friend. The ditch digger put his hand on his face and said, "Take your shovel and hit my hand."。

英语经典爆笑笑话10则下面是店铺整理的英语经典爆笑笑话，欢迎大家阅读!英语经典爆笑笑话：小心有狗!As a stranger entered a little country store, he noticed a sign warning, "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" he asked the owner. "Yep, that's him," came the reply. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner explained, "Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him!"一名陌生人走进一家乡间小商店，看到玻璃门上帖着的一个告示牌上写着，“危险! 小心有狗!” 进去后，他看到一条样子一点都不凶的老狗趴在收款机旁边的地板上睡觉。

“这就是大伙都得留神的那只狗啊?” 陌生人问店主。

“是，就是他”，店主回答。

听到这个回答，陌生人觉得很好笑。

“我觉得那条狗一点都不可怕。

英文爆笑笑话6篇下面小编给大家整理的英文爆笑笑话六篇，希望大家会喜欢。

英文爆笑笑话一：Lose One Pound减掉一磅I complimented one of my co-workers on having lost ten pounds. However, I couldn't resist bragging that when I was 17, 1 weighed 225 pounds and today I tip the scales at 224. 1 added, "That's not bad for a man of my age."Overhearing this, a woman remarked, "You mean to say it took you all this time to lose one pound?"我称赞我的一个同事减肥10磅。

可是，我禁不住夸耀说我17岁时，体重225磅，而目前体重是224磅。

我还说：“这对我这样年龄的男子来说，是不错的。

”一个女子听到了这些话，她说道：“你是说你花了这么长时间才减了1磅?”英文爆笑笑话二：The doctor lives downstairs医生住在楼下"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."“医生”她冲进屋后大声说道。

英语爆笑笑话带翻译欣赏笑话作为一种城市化的民间口头创作体裁,是一种重要的交际手段。

精心收集了英语爆笑笑话带翻译，供大家欣赏学习!英语爆笑笑话带翻译篇1waste or save浪费还是节约father: oh, jack, you have slept away the whole morning. don't you know you are wasting time?父亲：噢，杰克，你又睡了一上午。

难道你不知道你这是在浪费时间吗?jack: yes, dad. but i've saved you a meal, haven' i?杰克：我知道，爸爸。

可我还给您节省了一顿饭呢，是不是?英语爆笑笑话带翻译篇2something really cheap真正便宜的东西after being away on business, tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.做完生意回来后，提姆觉得应该给妻子带点什么礼物回去。

“how about some perfume?”he asked the cosmetics clerk. she showed him a $50.00 bottle.“那些香水怎么卖啊?”他问卖化妆品的售货员。

售货员给他展示了一支价值50美元的香水。

“that’s a bit much,”said tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00.“看起来好像有点贵哦!”提姆说道。

于是售货员又拿出一款30美元的香水。

“that’s still quite a bit,”tim complained.“还是贵了点。

”提姆抱怨道。

growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle.售货员开始有点恼火了，就给提姆一瓶很小的香水，价值15美元。

爆笑英语笑话加翻译笑话作为一种典型的幽默现象,对其进行系统的研究对于阐释幽默现象具有举足轻重的作用。

小编精心收集了爆笑英语笑话加翻译，供大家欣赏学习!爆笑英语笑话加翻译：Wanted to Look GoodRather than hire actors to portray homeless men, the director wanted the real deal, with allthe sloppiness and despair that comes from being on the streets. The location scout foundsome down-and-out men who fit the description. They agreed to show up the following week.But when it was tie to shoot the scene, our destitute men arrived on the set-freshly shavenand dressed in new clothes.“What happened to my homeless people!” Yelled the director.“We cleaned ourselves up,” one replied. “We wanted to look good for the movie.”【中文译文】干干净净的流浪汉导演不想雇演员来扮演流浪汉，而要找马路上邋遢、绝望的真正的流浪汉。

外景猎星侦探找到几个穷困潦倒的人符合剧本的要求。

他们答应第二周来演。

但是到了要拍戏的时候，我们这几位穷朋友穿着新衣服来了，脸还刮得干干净净的。

导演大喊起来：“我们这些流浪汉出了什么事了?”有一个回答说：“我们把自己洗干净了。

我们希望在电影里好看一些。

”爆笑英语笑话加翻译：Gift WrappingOn the afternoon of Secretary Day, my co-worker and I finally found the time to get gifts forour secretaries. While at the store, my colleague noticed my disappointment. “What’swrong?” he asked.“They won’t provide gift wrapping,” I answered.“No problem,” he said quickly. “I’ll ask my secretary to do it.”【中文译文】送给秘书的礼物秘书节的下午，我和我的同事终于挤出时间去给我们的秘书买礼物。

爆笑到不行的英语笑话大全笑话一般比较短小,喜剧性很强,普遍存在于人们的日常生活中。

笑话的娱乐作用可以减轻人的心理压力,促进身体健康。

下面是店铺带来的爆笑到不行的英语笑话，欢迎阅读!爆笑到不行的英语笑话篇一病人和他的大夫A woman complained that her husband constantly hung around the house，doing or saying nothing. T o please her, he went to see a psychiatrist.“Just lie down on the couch and we'll talk. "the doctor told him. "If you think of something to say, fine. If not，maybe next time.”一位妇女总是抱怨其丈夫在家里转来转去，无所事是，为了使老婆高兴，他找到了精神病学专家。

“你就躺在沙发上，我们来谈谈。

”精神病医生告诉他:“如呆你想起什么就说，没有的话，下次再讲也行。

”The guy got himself comfortable and fell fast asleep. At the end of the hour，the doctor woke hirn up and said，"That will be all for today—$100，please. "The patient paid and left.这位男士舒适地躺在沙发上，很快就入睡了。

到了一小时，大夫唤醒了他说:“今天就到这儿吧，请交100元。

”病人付了钱之后就走了，从此，那个人每周三、四来就诊。

每次，他总是一句话也不说，光是睡觉，而且每次都付钱。

第三周，病人来后坐下，然后又跳了起来。

The man came back every Tuesday and Thursday after that. Each time，he fell asleep without saying a word，but paid the fee. The third week, the patient came in，sat down and then jumped right up again."Aha,"， marveled the doctor. "Have you thought of something to say?"“啊哈!”大夫惊喜道，“你想出要说的话了吗?”"Yes，do you need a partner ?"“是的，你需要一个助手吗?”爆笑到不行的英语笑话篇二执行指令My friend Gilbert and some other truck drivers were to deliver loads of gravel out in the country. The directions they were given said to go down a certain road and, when they came to a cow tied to a fence post, to turn right.我朋友吉尔波特和一些卡车司机到农村去送沙石。