DifferencesBetweenMal_省略_eSexinSpeechBeh

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2002年11月陕西师范大学学报(哲学社会科学版)N ov.,2002第31卷专辑Journal of Shaanxi N ormal University(S ocial Science)V o1.31Sup.Differences Between Male andFemale Sex in S peech Behaviour赵清丽(陕西师范大学外国语学院,陕西西安710062)Abstract:This paper describes male-female differences in speech behavior from the following aspects: their different attitudes towards public speaking and private speaking;their different attitudes towards publicdetails and private details;their different purposes towards troubles;their different attitudes towards askingin formation.Then this paper presents explanations for male-female differences in speech behavior from s ocialpoint of view and anthropological point of view.K ey w ords:male-female;difference;speech behaviorC LC number:H31 Document Code:A Article I D:1000-5293(2002)Sup.-0193-04Men and w omen view this w orld in a quite different way.Many men see themselves as individuals in a hierarchical s ocial order where life is a struggle to preserve independence and av oid failure.F or m ost men,talk is primarily a means to preserve independence and neg otiate and maintain status in a hierarchical s ocial order.W omen,on the other hand,regard themselves as individual in a netw ork of connections where life is a struggle to preserve intimacy and av oid is olation.F or m ost w omen,the language of conversation is a way of establishing connections and neg otiating relationships.S o men are m ore concerned with dominance and w omen m ore concerned with connection.T his ex plains a number of differences in speech behavior between men and w omen.The first difference in behavior is that m ost men like doing public speaking and m ost w omen like doing private speaking.M ost men prefer a one-to-many pattern and usually a single speaker has the rest of the group as audience.Men interrupt m ore,challenge,dispute,and ignore m ore,try to control what topics are discussed,and are inclined to make categ orical statements.Men try to catch people’s attention on them by exhibiting knowledge and skill,and try to control the situation through verbal performance such as story-telling,joking,or im parting information.M ore w omen like doing private speaking.They usually place em phasis on displaying similarities and matching experiences.Unlike men, w omen are reluctant to tell jokes in front of people they don’t know.W omen are m ost com fortable talking when they feel safe and close,am ong friends and equals.That is why w omen have a tendency to break a large group into a number of smaller conversation groups or at home.T annen says that the first question收稿日期:2002-05-20作者简介:赵清丽(1978—),女,河北邢台人,陕西师范大学外国语学院硕士研究生。

391after her public lectures always comes from a male,as do m ost of the questions,even though she generally talks about maleΠfemale conversation differences to audiences which are mainly female Men and w omen have different attitudes towards private details and public details.Because w omen are concerned first and forem ost with establishing intimacy,they value the telling of private details.The noticing of daily details shows caring and creates inv olvement.Without knowing what is g oing on with this pers on or that means they are left out.That is why w omen s ometimes neglect their household duties to g ossip on the phone or meet over coffee in their kitchens for the change of relatively insignificant details about daily life.On the contrary,the neglecting of daily life details for w omen means a lack of caring. That is why a wife s ometimes w ould think her husband doesn’t trust her when he didn’t tell her daily details.But the husband didn’t think he needed to do anything special to create intimacy with his wife, because he was with her everyday.S o he w ouldn’t understand why his wife want and need to hear such talk.It is true that men pay little attention to private news,but they want to be independent and powerful,s o they exchange public details for being afraid of being left out by not knowing what is g oing on in this w orld.That is why men often find w omen’s private details irritating.Especially when w omen talk about relatively unim portant things like clothes in the office,men on the staff will think this seems like wasting time.But such pers onal talk between w omen will create a warm,intimate w orking environment which lays a foundation for the w orking relationship that enables them to conduct business s o efficiently.Men and w oman talk about troubles for different purposes and that consequently cause troubles in talk between them.W omen seem to wallow in their problems,wanting to talk about them forever.M ost w omen habitually report problems at w ork or in friendships and what they want to get is not a s olution but a matching experience to expressing a sense of understanding.When the listener gives a matching problem,sheΠhe seems to show an expression of understanding:“I know how y ou feel”or a similar com plaint“I felt the same way when s omething similar happened to me”.S o the listener seems to say,“we’re the same,y ou’re not alone.”Therefore w omen are frustrated when they don’t get this understanding and they often feel distanced by the advice,which seems to mean“we are not the same, y ou have the problems;I have the s olutions.”On the contrary,men treat problems in a quite different way,they often want to get them out and be done with them either by finding a s olution or by laughing them off.Their different attitudes towards troubles will cause misunderstanding.F or exam ple when a w oman com plained her boss’unjustness, husband’s first intention will be g oing for his wife’s boss to discuss.But what her wife wants is husband’s understanding,not her husband’s reaction to res olve her problem.Men are often frustrated when w omen respond to their troubles by offering matching troubles.S ome men even take offense in such a response.F or exam ple,when a w oman heard her husband talk about his feelings about growing older, she responds,“I know how y ou feel;I feel the same way.”T o her surprise,the husband gets annoyed because he feels she belittles him by denying the uniqueness of his experience.F or m ost w omen what they want by talking troubles is other’s com fort or understanding,s o this w oman responses to his husband’s com plaint about growing older by showing concern which annoys her husband who wants a s olution. Usually when hearing troubles,w omen show concern by following up s omeone else’s statement of trouble 491by questioning her about it.But for m ost men,when heating troubles,they do not ask probing questions to respect the other’s need for independence.T alking about troubles is just one of many conversational tasks that w omen and men view differently and that consequently cause trouble in talk between them.Another is asking for information.The different attitudes for in formation show men’s focus on status and w omen’s focus on connection.On the one hand,many w omen feel com fortable and honor-bound to ask for information and help. Surely,seeking in formation creates hierarchy and it frames the w omen as uninformed and inferior in knowledge.But for them,giving information or help is of use to another and rein forcing bonds between people is m ore im portant than status.On the other hand,many men tend to center on giving information because when y ou offer in formation,the fact that y ou have the in formation and the pers on y ou are speaking to doesn’t,will put y ou in a superior position.I f relations are inherently hierarchical,then the one who has m ore information is framed as higher up on the ladder,by virtue of being m ore knowledgeable and com petent.This explains why m ost men w ould find their own way when lost rather than ask the others for the direction.It is easy to notice that in many situations it is those higher in status who give in formation.F or exam ple,parents explain things to children and give them answers to the questions,just as teachers offer in formation to students.In their eyes,finding things out by their own effort is an essential part of the independence that men perceive to be a prerequisite for self-respect.F or their part,many men feel honor-bound to fulfill the request for help whether or not it is convenient for them to do s o.W omen are bound to show gratitude even though they don’t really get help.T annen had give an exam ple:when a neighbor asked a man if he could fix her car,which was intermittently stalling out.The man spent m ore time than he could spare looking at her car,and concluded that he did not have the equipment needed to do the repair.He felt bad about not having succeeded in s olving her problem. Sensing this,the w oman told him the next day,and the next,that her car was much better now,even though he knew he had done nothing to im prove its performance.There is a balance between seeking help and showing appreciation for men and w omen.The explanation for gender differences in language behavior can be perceived from anthropological point of view.When maternal s ociety developed into paternal s ociety,the roles between w omen and men had made a change:“Men are in charge of things outside;w omen in charge of things at home”.W omen’s dominant position was replaced by men and the whole s ociety seemed to belong to men:they ruled the country,went into the politics and s o on.They dominated nearly all the fields in the s ociety:politics, economy,culture and s o on.In these fields w omen possessed no position and their activities reduce to family.We know language is a special kind of s ocial phenomenon which was born in labor and was in close relation with human productive activity.S o when men became the main creator and user of language,male’s dominant position and female’s dependent position in the s ociety appeared naturally. Language reflects s ocial relations which conversely show male-female differences in speech behaviors. This explains why men try to control the public speaking,find out s olutions to troubles,to interrupt,and s o on.They do it with each other and they do it with w omen.On the other hand,this als o explains why w omen feeling powerless in the s ociety,prefer to seek support and understanding from other w omen,talk private details,show appreciation to others’help,to follow up others’talking by asking s ome probing591questions,and s o on.G ender differences in language behavior can als o be explained from by s ocial point of view.Men and w omen as s ocial beings have learned to act in certain ways during boyhood and nguage behavior is largely learnt behavior.“Even if they grow up in the same neighborhood,on the same block, or in the same house,girls and boys grow up in different w orlds of w orlds.”According to people’s opinion,girls should behave like girls.That is to say,they should be mutually supportive and non-com petitive and s omehow predisposed psychologically to be inv olved with one another.On the other hand, boys should behave like boys.They should be independent and show high attention to their power in the s ociety.S o others talk to them differently and give them different kinds of toys for playing.“Children learn how to talk,how to have conversations,not only from their parents but from their peers.”M ost of the time boys and girls play in same-sex groups.Although s ome of the activities they play at are similar,their fav orite games and their ways of using language in their games are quite different. Boys often play in large hierarchically structured groups outside and they usually have a leader telling others what to do and how to do it.They say,“G imme that!”Boys’games have winners and losers. They usually take center stage to achieve status by telling stories and jokes,and by sidetracking or challenging the stories and jokes of others.Boys frequently boast of their skill and argue about who is best at what.G irls,on the other hand,play in small groups or in pairs,the center of a girl’s s ocial life is a best friend.They don’t give orders and only suggest their preferences:“Let’s do this,”and“H ow about doing that?”Within this group,intimacy is key.G irls are not accustomed to jockeying for status in an obvious way and much of the time they sim ply sit together and talk.This explains why men pay m ore attention to their status in the hierarchical w orld and why they w ould be on the lookout for signs they are being put down or told what to do.This als o explains why w omen adopt a way contrary to men in speech behavior.In a w ord,w omen speak and hear a language of connection and intimacy,while men speak and hear a language of status and independence.It’s hard to change habitual ways of talking.But it may be a bit easier to learn to respect others’way of talking.Men should accept w omen’s way of talking which is a basic ingredient for intimacy,and w omen should accept that many men don’t share this view.Mutual acceptance will prevent this miscommunication between men and w omen.[责任编辑 蒋万胜] 691。