英语笑话

English jokes
1. Mother: Freddie, why is your face so red?
Freddie: I was running up the street to stop a fight.
Mother: That's a very nice thing to do. Who was fighting?
Freddie: Me and Jackie Smith.
妈妈：弗雷迪，你的脸为什么那么红？
弗雷迪：我刚才在大街上跑，为的是阻止一次打架？
妈妈：你做的对，谁和谁在打架。

弗雷迪：我和杰克·史密斯。

2. Tom: William has asked me for a loan of five pounds. Should I be doing right
in lending it to him?
Jack: Certainly.
Tom: And why?
Jack: Because otherwise he would try to borrow it from me.
汤姆：威廉向我借五英镑。

我该不该借给他？
杰克：当然应该了。

汤姆：为什么？
杰克：否则他就该跟我借了。

3. Mother: Why are you jumping up and down?
Tom: I've just taken some medicine and I forgot to shake the bottle.
妈妈：你为什么不停地跳上跳下的？
汤姆：我刚吃完药，可我忘了先摇动瓶子了
4. One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.
On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out.' The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield.'
My husband looked up and said, 'Mom's here?'
一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物，回来后发现车身沾满灰尘，于是擦洗了一阵。

当我终于走进屋里时大声喊：“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。

”
我丈夫抬头看了看，说：“妈妈来了？”
5. Mr. Johnson: Are you using you mower this afternoon?
Mr.Smith: Yes.
Mr.Johnson: Fine. Then can I borrow your tennis racket, since you won't be needing it?
约翰逊先生：今天下午你准备用割草机吗？
史密斯先生：是的。

约翰逊先生：太好了。

既然您不用网球拍，那我可以借用一下吗？
6. Mary was so disgusted at her husband's cigarette smoking that she complained to him one day.
'I hope that all the cigarette factories will catch fire someday.'
'Don't worry, dear. All the cigarettes will be on fire sooner or later.' He said with a smile.
玛丽非常讨厌丈夫吸烟，一天对他抱怨说：“我希望有一天所有卷烟厂都失火。

”“不用担心，亲爱的，所有的烟卷迟早都会点着的。

”他笑着说。

7.I must have somebody else's pants on
The teacher is asking an arithmetic question: "Jack, if you found three dollars in your right pocket and two dollars in your left pocket, what would you have?"
"I must have somebody else's pants on."
老师正在问一道算术题：“杰克，如果你在你右边口袋里发现了3美元，左边口袋里发现了4美元，你一共有多少呢？”
“我肯定是穿着别人的裤子。

”
8.An Interesting Answer 有趣的回答
Teacher: Which is farther away---Australia or the moon?
Bobby: Australia.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Bobby:We can see the moon, but we can't see Australia.
教师：澳大利亚和月球哪个离我们更远一些？
勃比：澳大利亚。

教师：你为什么这么说呢？
勃比：我们可以看见月球，但我们却看不见澳大利亚。

9. Who was fighting 谁在打架
Mother: Freddie, why is your face so red?
Freddie: I was running up the street to stop a fight.
Mother: That's a very nice thing to do. Who was fighting?
Freddie: Me and Jackie Smith.
妈妈：弗雷迪，你的脸为什么那么红？
弗雷迪：我刚才在大街上跑，为的是阻止一次打架。

妈妈：你做的对，谁和谁在打架。

弗雷迪：我和杰克·史密斯。

10. What Are The Two Words 是哪两个词
A very nice old lady had a few words to say to her granddaughter. My dear, said the old lady, I wish you would do something for me. I wish you would promise me never to use two words. One is …lousy‟ and the other is …swell‟. Would you promise me that? Why, sure, Granny, said the girl. What are the two words?
一个非常高贵的老夫人有几句话要对她的孙女说。

我亲爱的，老夫人说：我希望你能帮我一个忙。

我要你答应永远不要用两个词，一个是“讨厌的”，另一个是“极好的”。

你能答应我吗？噢，当然，奶奶，女孩说：是哪两个词？
11.I can go home 我可以回家了
One day after school the teacher said to his students, "Tomorrow morning, if any one of you can answer my first question, I will permit him or her to go home
earlier."
The next day, when the teacher came into the classroom, he found the blackboard daubed（涂抹） . He was very angry and asked, "Who did it? Please stand up!" "It's me," said Bob, "Now, I can go home. Good-bye, Sir."
一天，放学以后，老师对他的学生们说：“明天上午，如果你们当中的任何一个同学能首先回答我的问题，我就准许他或她最先回家。

”
第二天，老师走进教室时发现黑板被涂得乱七八糟，他非常生气的问：“谁涂的？请站起来！”鲍勃说：“先生，是我，现在我可以回家了，再见！”
12. I Taught the Teacher 我教老师
Mother asked her little boy, Darling, what did the teacher teach you today?
Nothing, Mum, answered the son proundly, instead, she asked me how much one plus two was, and I told her three.
母亲问她年幼的儿子：宝贝，今天老师教了你些什么？
儿子骄傲地说：什么都没教，妈妈。

她反倒问我一加二等于几，我告诉她等于三。