《唐伯虎点秋香》英文搞笑版剧本

（江南四大才子结伴出游）一女子：你们看，你们看，江南四大才子在那边哎.(look,look! here comes the four handsome boys! )（众女子兴奋观看）（四大才子摆ＰＯＳＥ，众女子倾倒逃散）（一女子被四人拦住，被迫跳河）唐伯虎：想跑？你飞不出我的五指山的。

（欲跳下河被拦住） (don’t go ,you can’t fly out of my five fingers! )祝枝山：伯虎兄，有人在看。

(keep calm brother tang, someone watching )祝枝山：今天我们江南四大才子到这里游山玩水，难怪那些女子要疯狂了。

(Today we four handsome boys here, it's no wonder that those women are crazy !)文斌：说得是，(that’s true )文征明：各位各位，既然大家今天兴致这么好，不如来吟首诗如何？（hey,boys ,how about singing poems since we are exicted 祝枝山：哎，征明兄提议的好啊。

文斌兄你先来。

That sounds great !so ,brother wenbing ,you singing first!）文斌：来呀！(OK),山下一群鹅。

文征明：嘘声赶落河。

祝枝山：落河捉鹅一肚饿。

唐伯虎：吃完回家玩老婆。

三人：哎呀，对得妙呀，真是绝句！( Oh my gad ,this poem is really cool!)唐伯虎：啊哈哈~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~` (hahahahaha)三人：真的那么好笑？！(oh,what he laughed at? and What’so fanny!)文征明：为什么唐兄每次出游，都那么豪情奔放呢？ (why brother tang can keep happy everytime when we go out?)文斌：乐而忘形，实在令人（三人）羡慕羡慕啊。

Heart brokenBilling：XiMenchuixueYeGuchengHuaManlouKingPanJinlianNarratage/soldierN：A quiet village is covered with white snow. Birds are dancing in the cold. A man is standing in the street. The wind is coming in silence. Another mysterious man approaches .Y与X相遇．Y: Oh , I am sorry to knock into you !X: Ha ha , Never mind, boy. What’s your name?Y: Ha ha , I won’t change my name, no matter what happens. I’m the most famous-------YeGucheng. Who are you?X: I am XiMenchuixue.Y:Ah XiMenchuixue?X: Yes, what’s wrong?Y: I heard that you are the best one in Chinese Kongfu.X: Great, you know me !Y: But your wife is my first lover.X: WhatY抱腿: Oh, Please, please…… Don’t kill me! Let me go!X:No, I must kill you !Y: I don't want to be killed. There is an eighty-year-old mother and athree-year-old son to be looked after by me!X: Noway! Because we are enemies now! You know?Y突然站起冷冷的说：Don't force me!X: 拔刀砍向Y(Y拿出一袋牛奶迎上去)X抢过牛奶: Milk, very good! I like drinking it. How do you know that?Y: Just drink it!X喝完牛奶: Thanks, ha ha.Y: Do you still want to kill me?X: Sure! Milk is milk.Y(恼怒+冷酷):Very nice! I hope you won’t forget what you said!?X:I’m sure I won’t!Y: I must give you a lesson! If I don't beat you this time, you’ll never behave properly!3-2-1-0!X捂着肚子，蹲下：Oach, Oach !Y大笑：HaHa……X可怜状: Help!Help! Where is the washroom?Y: What ?X: Toliet?Y: What ?X: The “WC”?Y: Oh, I see. go along this street to the end and turn left when you see a high building! You can’t miss it.X: Thanks, bye bye.X与J相遇X跑过来J举牌：Ladies roomJ: You saw me!? You animal, monster, bullshit! (一边拉拉锁一边说)I kill you!X: Oh, No! I am sorry honey, but you are so beautiful! What’s your name?J: My first name is Jinlian, and my family name is Pan.X: Oh, PanJinlian So nice name. I love you. You have the most beautiful face, nose and little lips. Would you like to marry me?J: Yes, I’d like to. But do you get married?X: Of course, ah…not! What about you?J: Um…neither am I. But do you have a ring to give me？X: I will get one for you.J: I love you. I will be right here waiting for you.N: Then XiMenchuixue go to find a ring. Let us see what happens to YeGucheng at the same time.Y: You see?? It is really terrible for a person not being good at English.Y掏出纸屑吹:This is XiMenchuixue now!H: Stop!Protecting the environment is a basic obligation!Y: Who are you?H: HuaManlou! Have you seen XiMenchuixue?Y: Yes, he was beaten by me and is in “WC” now,ha……H惊讶: So, now, you are the best in the world!Y: Clever girl.H: You are the one my king looking for! Do you want to join us?Y: Yes, my pleasure.H: Ok, follow me. Let’s go to see my king!Y: Ok, Let’s go! My first lover in dreams.H: What?Y: Nothing.H:My dear king ! Let me introduce YeGucheng to you! （指Y）This is YeGucheng.K: Sit down please, YeGucheng.H走到Y前，《婚礼进行曲》起，H: YeGucheng! Do you want to follow my king no matter what happens such as cold headache , rainstorm or Aids?Y: Yes, I do.K: Gucheng , come closely. 给叶孤城戴上戒指（音乐停）X唱着上: Only you……(看到戒指) this ring will be mine!K: But who are you? Why should it belong to you?Y急切: King! Dear king! I must go now, my mother asks me to go back home to have dinner.X: I am XiMenchuixue. YeGucheng, come here! Give me the ringY: Here you are.(灰溜溜的过去)X转身准备离开K: Arrest him!X: I will kill anyone who is in my way, no matter he is a human being or a Buddha.S: I am the most handsome soldier in the world. My favorite is looking myself in the mirror. I am here. I am here! I am here! You can’t go, boyX拔刀捅个不停，S动作配合但不死X擦汗：I am too tired to kill you, but I will cut down your head.S: Oh, God! Where is my head? Without a head, I will be very, very ugly. World without being handsome, I would rather die. Ah…K: Ah, XiMenchuixue is really rude. You see The handsome soldier’s brain was broken into pieces. Tell Youlai building not to cook tofu brain as breakfast any more.N: Then, XiMenchuixue go to ladies room to meet his lover with the ring. But actually HuaManlou is XiMenchuixue’s wife. So… what will happen next?H: My dear husband, where are you going?X: Something important! Don’t follow me.H: But the ring should be mine. (X找到了金莲, but H 也跟来了.)H: Oh, shit(捂眼). What are you doing? You little bitch, I will kill you. Nine Yin bones claw?J: HaHaHa…! My son is Li Gang, I fear nothing(自信).Who the hell are you?H: I’m his wifeJ: You have a wife? You cheated me!X: But you have a son, named Li Gang. My heart is broken(扭头退场，留下背影)J: My heart is also broken(冲背影，也下场)H:（大喊）My heart is broken into pieces(冲背影)Fuck your sisters.N：At the same time, Ye Gucheng and the king are playing another legend story.Y: 转身准备离开K: Gucheng!? Are you going to abandon me?Y: I will!K: Why ?Y:Because I’m not a gay. Once, there was a sincere love available for me , but I did n’t cherish. Now I regret to die! If the god would give me another chance, I would have said to that girl “I love you” .If there must be a limit for it , I hope it was one night. But now ,my heart is broken(退场)K: Oh ,no. My heart is broken too. (退场)N：Every one is a fraud. Love is not a thing that you can buy whenever you want. At last, These people with broken heart go back to Tang dynasty, and they all become monks. Then……(放西游记的歌，白龙马最后出场，背后贴字“White Dragon Horse”End.。

武松打虎剧本Wu song fought the tiger旁白一：Water Margin is a well-known Chinese novel. It’s famous for the 108 chivalrous robbers in Song Dynasty. Wu song is one of the most popular among them. Now please enjoy the short play Wu Song fought the tiger.（播放搞笑英文版好汉歌，武松大摇大摆拿棍子挥舞进场。

）第一幕：喝酒武松：Hello! I am Wu Song. The most handsome, famous and clever man in Liang Shan. I am going home to kill my sister in law Pan jinlian! She poisoned my brother. I told my brother Pan jinlian was dangerous. But My brother still married her. (叹气，唉….跟音乐一起唱且跳舞)Dangerous, dangerous! The girl is dangerous.(舞蹈dangerous…)武松(见到酒店一家)：A restaurant! Good. I am hungry. (进屋坐下)Waiter! Wine! Wine! The best wine!小二1：Hi, sir. Sit down please. Would you like XO, Er Guo Tou, Mao Tai, or Qing Dao beer?武松：（晕晕乎乎地）How much is the XO?小二1：1880 yuan . ( 展示大瓶酒，醒目的标价)武松：Open…Open…..(喷嚏)（小二将酒瓶起开）武松：（面怒，片刻无语）Open the window please！Not the wine. I want some er guo tou!It’s strong enough.小二1：You….You…..(敢怒不敢言, 转身倒碗二锅头)，Ok. Here you are.武松：Anything to eat?小二1：Would you like sandwiches, hamburgers, bread, or pizza?武松：Ten pizzas, please.小二1: Here you are!武松：(喝一口酒）Good wine, very good wine!（小二上了两碗酒，武松喝了，却是不再倒了）武松：Waiter! I want more wine.小二2：Sir, More pizzas OK, more wine no way! 客官，要比萨饼就给您，这酒就不添了。

An English play----Pig Guy has been defeated by Monkey King 背景：孙悟空和唐僧出场，前边站着一对老夫妻在哭泣。

悟空：师傅，是不是太累了？休息一下再走吧。

Master, are you tired? Let’s have a rest.唐僧：没关系，前面不远就有人家了，到了那里再休息吧。

I am fine. Let’s have a rest later.Look! There is a house over there.悟空仔细地搀扶唐僧继续行走，同时另一边老头、老妈、小媳妇出场。

小媳妇（做哭状）：爹、妈，我……Daddy, mommy, I, I …老头：女儿，快走吧，不然那猪精来了，就走不了了。

Honey, hurry up. The spirit is coming soon.小媳妇走几步又回头跑回老妈的怀里，抱头痛哭。

老头在一边叹息，擦泪。

唐僧、悟空走到他们面前。

悟空：师傅，到了。

Master, here we are.唐僧（走到老头面前行礼，悟空看见了正在哭的母女俩，觉得奇怪，上下打量）：老施主，我是从东土大唐前往西天取经的和尚，想借贵地休息一晚，不知方便否？Excuse me, sir. I am the monk from the east. Can we stay over here tonight?老头（做哽咽状）：哦，是东土大唐来的高僧啊，可以可以。

（别过脸去继续哭泣）Oh, you are the monk from the east.Sure. Sure, come in, please ……唐僧正在奇怪，老妈闻声抬起头，仔细打量唐僧，突然扑到唐僧面前。

老妈：高僧啊，你可要救救我的女儿，救救我们一家啊。

Master, please save my daughter, save my family…唐僧：老施主休要伤心，有什么事慢慢说。

Three visits to the cottage————By FRIENDSThree visits to the cottage（中文名三顾茅庐）is a story from one of the Four Great classical Chinese novels——the Three Kindoms. ZhuGeliang is one of the main characters in the original. Also, he is an outstanding militarist, politician and the symbol of the wisdom in Chinese history. Another main actors——Liubei, who visited ZhuGeliang's thatched cottage three times and wanted to invite him to be his military adviser1. Finally, ZhuGeliang was moved by Liubei' sincerity2, helped the three brothers——Liubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei to establish the Shu Kindom. He devoted3 his whole life to the cause and died in harness.Our script is revised from this story and writed by my classmates of group FRIENDS. In this play, we add many modern and funny elements. For example, there are some spoken lines and actions which were copied from some classical movies like Infernal Affairs(中文名无间道), My Own Swordsman（中文名武林外传）,The Flirting4 Scholar（中文名唐伯虎点秋香）were combined in our play. Also, we added some interesting pictures and audio to our slide.Maybe there are some mistakes in our dialogue. But thisplay is the result of painstaking5 efforts of our group. So we present our script to you and wish you will like it.Three visits to the cottageAside: After their swearing brotherhood6 to heaven and earth in a peach garden, the three persons——Liubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei-had to be janitors7 in Caocao's corporation to make a living for they could not find jobs. Meanwhile the legendary8 and mysterious character ZhuGeliang who had been forced to attend CET-6 test by his wife was reviewing examination contents.SCENE 1: Liubei's homeActors: Liubei Guanyu ZhangfeiGuanyu: Brother! We three have been hungry for days and when will this tragic9 life end? It's so terrible!Liubei: Yu, it's impossible that I don't feel painful, isn't it? But as the proverb says it is hard to sit in Rome and strive against the Pope. Now we come down to Caocao's corporation as gatekeeper, anyhow we can fill our stomachs between whiles. It's very hard to get work now. No diplomas and no job offers, what are you dreaming about?Zhangfei: Oh, Brother! ZhuGeliang's wife borrowed us 500yuan to cope with his husband’s CET-6 fees last month, itseems that it's time for us to be debt collectors now.Guanyu: Yeah, Brother! Or we'll be as poor as church mouse.Liubei: Alas10! How did I forget this? Let's go! Go~~ go~! Hurry up! Follow me and go to the mountain for dunning!Aside: And then the three brothers climb the mountain to find ZhuGeliang.SCENE 2: ZhuGeliang’s houseActors: ZhuGeliang WifeZhuGeliang: Good morning! I am the genius ZhuGeliang. But I feel so morose11 recently. Because my wife forced me to pass the CET-6. What’s CET-6? Do you know? You?(Ask the audience) I’ve never heart about that. And she obliged me to read so heavy books and do so many texts. It’s ridiculous. My major is military advice, not English. Why should I read this?Wife: Darling!ZhuGeliang：My wife is coming，she is so long-winded that I can never bear her.Wife：My dear, how about your study?ZhuGeliang：These books make me want to doze12. I’m dizzy.Wife：Darling! Now, competition is so serious. If you can’t pass cet6 to get your master’s degree, it is difficult to find a job. I have stayed here for half of a lifetime. But never visit a bigger place like Yangling.ZhuGeliang：Don’t worry, these books are too easy for your husband and don’t need to learn.Wife：Are you sure? let me have a test to you. Listen，read and see!ZhuGeliang：A piece of cake!Wife：Listen, can you spell apple? Desk?ZhuGeliang: Sorry I can’t.Wife：You can’t? Oh, how unfortunate I am! (crying) I'm wrong, I'm really wrong, I'm wrong from the beginning. I shouldn't marry here. If I didn’t marry here, I'll never in this heartrending place now,ZhuGeliang：Don’t cry, don’t cry, stop! I ‘m going to study hard at once.Wife (laugh): That's the spirit! Do you know? We are in the red for your Cet6. I even borrowed money from the gate keeper. What can I do when they dun for debts.ZhuGeliang: Are you pointing to that gatekeeper Liubei?Wife: Oh! Yes! Come on quickly! Boy!Keeper: What is the matter? Madam?Wife: Listen carefully! My husband is too busy doing his homework to welcome any people, so you will tell the people who calls on him that boss has went to study in England. .Keeper: Yes! Madam!Aside: While it is going on, liubei Guanyu Zhangfei have came to the gate of ZhuGeliang’s house.SCENE3 Outside ZhuGeliang’s houseActors: Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei KeeperZhangfei: Let me strike the door! Open! Open!!!Keeper: (Check from the peep hole) Are these men asking for the debt? (Open the door)Liubei: This is liubei! We are calling on ZhuGeliang and his wife.Keeper: Zhu said he is not in.Liubei: En????Keeper: Oh! No!...I mean …I mean my boss is studying English in England for the exam of CET-6,and he may not be come back this month.Liubei: OK! We are waiting for him here!Guanyu: Nobody knows that when he will come back, thus, let’s go home!Aside: The three men went away with disappointed. After a month, the deeply autumn came! They came here at the second time. Unfortunately, they didn’t see Zhugeliang again. Two month passed, the cold winter is coming! It is heavy snow and very cold outsides. ZhuGeliang knows the reason that why they come here three times, and orders the keeper to let them come in whiles his wife is outside.SCENE4 Outside ZhuGeliang’s houseActors: Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei KeeperZhangfei: Please tell me in time when you would see him next time, let me bind13 him up for you. It really should not trouble you to come here time and time again.Liubei: These days, the borrower is the god! Let’s go there again and show our the warmest heart to move them.(Knock the door)Keeper：My boss is at home today, but he is reading books about CET-6. Please wait for a moment!Zhangfei：Xiao Zhu! Come out! Brothers, help me to take care of my seventh uncle and his third niece. Get out, or I will burn your house down!Guanyu: Sunflower press! AI. Litter brother, big brother has said several times, We are intellectuals, understand?Don't be so rude, we are here for debt, not for his life. If you will kill him, where is our money?Liubei: The submortagage crisis is so serious, don’t you know that simple reason? If you know, please bat your eyes!Zhangfei (Bat eyes)Guanyu: sunflower press!!!!!Zhangfei: Where did you get this KongFu?Guanyu: Hehe! I get it from a TV program called “My Own Swordsman”, which is so popular with lots of people in China!Zhangfei: Why not say it earlier? We three brother could run a company of Chinese KongFu if we had know that before!Guanyu: Oh!! That is a good idea!!!!Keeper: Don’t interrupt!!!! Boss is reading!!!Liubei: Keep quite!!!Aside: at this time, zhugeliang is exciting, but his wife come back soon.SCENE 5: ZhuGeliang’s HomeActors: ZhuGeliang wife liubei Zhangfei GuanyuZhuGeliang: Thank goodness, here's Liubei at last. Ha ha ha ……….Wife: Wof! Darling! He may come here to ask me to repay his money. We can’t let him in.ZhuGeliang: My darling, please don’t worry. I can make liubei go back with nothing by my sliver14 tongue.Liubei: Mr. ZhuGeliang. I have hunted you for a long time!Zhu: Oh! You are Liubei. What can I do for you ?Liu: my brother, you have borrowed me $500, when you repay it for me? I have starved for several days.ZhuGeliang: I owe you $500? who can testify? Please give me a chance, I want to be an honest man.Liubei: How can I give you a chance? Speak it to the judge.Zhu: Please look, although having ambition , you are just a guarder .We can enlarge our power from this base, and then attack Caocao. At last I believe that we can reign15 the whole country.Liubei: I’m so surprised! I don’t know you are so ideal.ZhuGeliang: If I give you a map, could I not repay your money?Liubei: En…….you know so much about affairs, are you willing to create a new country together with us?ZhuGeliang: But I can’t help you, I have accustom16 the life at present.Liubei: If you don’t help me , the citizen will live a harder life , please don’t refuse.ZhuGeliang: En……sorry, I can’t. Because my wife forces me to pass the CET-6 recently. If you can help me to resolve the problem, I will help you.Liu: En…..Zhangfei: (Pull) Brother, come here. Everything is fake now such as the milk. Why can’t we find somebody help us do the test or buy a key ?Guanyu: Yes! We can overdraft17 our salary from Caocao to buy the key at first.SCENE 6: ZhuGeliang’s HomeActors: Wife KeeperAside: Because the salary has been given to zhugeliang to buy the key, Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei have been starving for one month.Keeper：（Happy）Sir , you are really a god . CET6 has got 600 scores. Be really to startle the universe and move the gods.Wife：What happened? 600 scores? Oh! Do not shoulder your several years studying at a cold window; Do not shoulder my night holding candle accompanying you. After your Mastergraduates, happy life will approach. Cars, house, money!SCENE 7: Outside ZhuGeliang’s houseAside: After receiving the master degree, ZhuGeliang will go to work with Liubei to establish a new Kingdom.So the couples apart.Actors: ZhuGeliang Wife Liubei Guanyu ZhangfeiWife：Honey!ZhuGeliang：Darling!Wife：Excellent man have a long-range ambition. You should put cause above everything else , are sure not to miss me.ZhuGeliang：I will have a long journey .Please take care of yourself.(Turn around) Don’t worried, never miss you!!(Run) ZhuGeliang：(To Liubei)Your Majesty18, I will never forget your favour. I should be loyal and devoted to the last.Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei: Let' go!!!!!Aside: The three men go down to the hill. That is the end of the whole story. Thank you for your attention.1 advisern.劝告者，顾问参考例句：They employed me as an adviser.他们聘请我当顾问。

旁白：one day , four scholars go o 了ut for sightseeing舞蹈开始（开场舞音乐）祝枝山: we are four scholars in the southern part china . Today we are waiting here for your sightseeing with the beautiful scenery . How about recite verses ?祝之山：good idea . Mr Tang comes first . 唐伯虎: ok , I think it's a good idea .众人感叹: oh so many beautiful girl秋香走过，与唐伯虎四目相对，深情对望直至离去。

祝枝山: hey come on ,what’s wrong with you文征明: come on唐伯虎: ok ，with water and hills , every plants look bright and beautiful rain and shine , every moment appears pleasant and wonderful .祝枝山: good ,you deserve the title of scholar 唐伯虎: thank you thank you ,I’m the best二：周文宾: oh ,look ，a sexy girl文征明: so beautiful周文宾: she looks so longly ,Mr Tang , show us how to seduce her唐伯虎: en......en......祝枝山: we believe you will not let us down周文兵&文征明: yes唐伯虎: ok周文宾&文征明&祝枝山: go go go如花出场唐伯虎: Hello ( 看到如山真面目)唐伯虎: may I learn on your scholar如花: what ? no way I’m a girl I’m a decent girl唐伯虎: ok I see do you know tangbohu ?如花: tangbohu? Who is he? I don’t know唐伯虎: ok ok how about this ? ten yuan and them let me learn on your shoulder .It’s a deal如花: 10 yuan ? just yuan? At least 100 yuan唐伯虎: oh my lady gaga . you are ugly monster如花: ugly!!! Monster!!! (走人)三周文宾: what't that ? So many people .祝枝山: let's have a look .文征明: get away !(动作：推人)唐伯虎: it's her . I want to go to the party.祝枝山: good idea ! I am sure you can do it .四主持人：oh ladies and gentlemen . I'm at Hua'villa . Today here will hold the Blind Date Party . Oh my god ,look at the crazy the secne .so many people , let's guess who will be the lucky dog . Now , let's welcome Mrs Hua and QiuXiang .主持人：oh Mrs Hua , you are also so young . Of course , QiuXiang you are so beautiful .QiuXiang : thank you !主持人：do you have anything to say ? (对华夫人说)Mrs Hua : i hope everyone can enjoy the night . Thank you !下人：this way , please !QiuXiang : mum, give him some tips . （华夫人开始掏钱，先掏出100，马上收起来，再掏出1块就给了下人，下人鄙视了一下，甩甩毛巾走人，华夫人：切。

三打白骨精中英文对照搞笑版人物：T唐僧S：孙悟空、E：猪八戒、J：沙僧、B：白骨精、B1：B变成的村姑、B2：B变成的太婆、B3：B变化成的老头、N：哪吒T: Wukong,where we are now?悟空我们现在到哪里了S: Bajie,map!八戒地图E: (摸出，递给S) S: oh ，master，look！(凑近T)………（T、S一齐转向E）哦师傅你瞧啊！T: Bajie!How Many times I have told you don't take these pictures of beautiful girls with you! 八戒我告诉你多少次啦不要老是带美女图啦！E: Oh,master!Forgive me(伸手拿回)哦师傅原谅我这次吧T: (缩手)No,i tkink i will take this untill we get to west ,bajie,map.没门，我想就由我暂时保管，直到我们到达西天，取得真经，八戒地图E: But……T: Emitofo,nothing is lust,lust is nothing! Map?E: (递)Here.Em……i am so hungry now,(坐)and i can not moveanymore,奥师傅我肚子饿扁了，再也走不动了S: Fat Pig!肥猪E: Monkey,if you dare to say these two words once again,I will ,Iwill……….死猴子如果你再敢说这俩个字，我就，我就S: You will what(凶相)?你就要干嘛啊E: (软禁)I will help you catch fleas(跳蚤).呵呵我就帮你抓虱子啊！S: Hm!T:（轻咳）Wukong,I am hungry too，would you bring us some food?悟空我也饿了你能帮我们去找点吃的吗？E: You see ,master is hungry,too!你看我们师傅也饿了T: Baijie!Don’t forget who ate my las t meal!八戒不要忘了谁把我上一餐的饭给吃了J: But master,if a monster comes while brother monkeg is away。

Three visits to the cottage（中文名三顾茅庐）Three visits to the cottage（中文名三顾茅庐）is a story from one of the Four Great classical Chinese novels——the Three Kindoms. ZhuGeliang is one of the main characters in the original. Also, he is an outstanding militarist（军事家）, politician and the symbol of the wisdom（智慧）in Chinese history. Another main actors——Liubei, who visited ZhuGeliang's thatched（茅屋顶）cottage three times and wanted to invite him to be his military（军方）adviser. Finally, ZhuGeliang was moved by sincerity, helped the three brothers——Liubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei to establish the Shu Kindom. He devoted his whole life to the cause and died in harness. In this play, we add many modern and funny elements. For example, there are some spoken lines and actions which were copied from some classical movies like Infernal Affairs(中文名无间道), My Own Swordsman（中文名武林外传）,The Flirting Scholar（中文名唐伯虎点秋香）were combined in our play. So we present our script to you and wish you will like it. Three visits to the cottage Aside: After their swearing brotherhood(友谊) to heaven and earth in a peach garden, the three persons——Liubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei-had to be janitors（看门人）in Caocao's corporation to make a living for they could not find jobs. Meanwhile the legendary（有名的）and mysterious character 诸葛亮who had been forced to attend CET-6（英语六级）test by his wife was reviewing examination contents.旁白话说刘关张桃园三结义之后四处奔波一时间找不到工作不得不在曹操的公司靠看大门为生而此时那个传说中的神秘人物诸葛卧龙先生正专心在家复习考试因为他的老婆黄氏逼着他参加CET-6SCENE 1: Liubei's homeActors:Liubei Guanyu ZhangfeiGuanyu: Brother! We three have been hungry for days and when will this tragic （悲惨的）life end? It's so terrible!关羽大哥咱们都饿了好几天了这种吃糠咽菜的生活我们要过到什么时候啊哎Liubei: Yu, it's impossible that I don't feel painful, isn't it? But as the proverb says it is hard to sit in Rome and strive（努力）against the Pope. Now we come down to Caocao's corporation as gatekeeper, anyhow we can fill our stomachs between whiles. It's very hard to get work now. No diplomas（毕业文凭）and no job offers, what are you dreaming about?刘备二弟这大哥我怎么可能不难受嘛可是常言道人在屋檐下怎能不低头我们现在曹操的公司里给人家看大门这年头工作这么难找我们三兄弟学历又不高好不容易能有口饭吃就很不错了哪还有什么奢求呀Zhangfei: Oh, Brother! ZhuGeliang's wife borrowed us 500yuan to cope with（对付）his husband‟s CET-6 fees last month, it seems that it's time for us to be debt collectors now.张飞大哥对了上个月后面山头诸葛亮的老婆来问我们借走了500块钱去给她老公交学费去了都好久没还我们是不是应该去要回来Guanyu: Yeah, Brother! Or we'll be as poor as church mouse.（喝西北风）关羽是啊大哥不然的话这样下去我们就得喝西北风了Liubei: Alas!（哎呀）How did I forget this? Let's go! Go~~ go~! Hurry up! Follow me and go to the mountain for dunning（要债）!刘备哎就是我怎么这岔给忘了走走走二弟三弟随我这就上山（收拾家伙挽袖子）Aside: And then the three brothers climb the mountain to find ZhuGeliang旁白兄弟三人就此上山SCENE 2: ZhuGeliang‟s houseActors: ZhuGeliang Wife ZhugeliangZhuGeliang: Good morning! I am the genius（天才）ZhuGeliang. But I feel so morose（抑郁的）recently. Because my wife forced me to pass the CET-6. What‟s CET-6? Do you know? You?(Ask the audience) I‟ve never heart about that. And she obliged me to （对我表示感谢）read so he avy books and do so many texts. It‟s ridiculous. My major is military（军事的）advice, not English. Why should I read this?诸葛亮大叫好我就是绝顶聪明的诸葛亮可我最近却很是郁闷我那个娘子非要我去参加什么大学英语六级考试六级考试是个什么东西我怎么听都没听说过还要我看这么厚的书做这么多的题（拿起手里的金瓶梅给大家亮亮）我以后可是要当军师的！！又不是这个专业的干嘛还要要看这种书Wife: Darling!老婆相公（远处喊）ZhuGeliang：My wife is coming，she is so long-winded （啰嗦的）that I can never bear her.诸葛亮老婆上（比较啰嗦）诸葛亮娘子来了我娘子啰嗦的像唐僧一样说起话来我可受不了快老实看书（装作认真状）Wife：My dear, how about your study?老婆相公你的书背的怎么样了ZhuGeliang：These books make me want to doze（打盹儿）. I‟m dizzy（头晕的）. 诸葛亮娘子啊这些书看得我头昏眼花光想打瞌睡Wife：Darling! Now, competition is so serious. If you can‟t pass cet6 to get your master‟s degree, it is difficult to find a job. I have stayed here for half of a lifetime. But never visit a bigger place like Yangling.老婆哎相公呀你有所不知你看现在外面竞争这么激烈你要是不好好考六级将来拿个硕士文凭以后找不到工作可怎么办呀我们在这个小村子里都呆了小半辈子了你看我连稍微大一点的城市像铁岭都没去过ZhuGeliang：Don‟t worry, these books are too easy for your husband and don‟t need to learn.诸葛亮娘子你看老公我这么有才华以后还愁找不到工作么这些书太简单了统统不用看（扔书）Wife：Are you sure? let me have a test to you. Listen，read and see!老婆哼！！你说简单那我考考你ZhuGeliang：A piece of cake（小菜一碟）!诸葛亮怎么还要考我舌战群儒我都不怕小小考试焉能难道我（对观众说）Wife：Listen, can you spell apple? Desk?老婆我要考你听写（诸葛亮郁闷状）听着apple怎么写desk怎么写ZhuGeliang: Sorry I can‟t.诸葛亮（不会抓耳挠腮）Wife：You can‟t? Oh, how unfortunate I am! (crying) I'm wrong, I'm really wrong, I'm wrong from the beginning. I shouldn't marry here. If I didn‟t marry here, I'll never in this heartrending（使人极度伤心的）place now,老婆相公啊你连这都不会可怎么办呀哎呀我错了我真的错了我从一开始就不应该嫁过来如果我不嫁过来就不会流落到这么一个伤心的地方我好后悔呀ZhuGeliang：Don‟t cry, don‟t cry, stop! I …m going to study hard at once.诸葛亮崩溃了（捂耳朵忙劝）诸葛亮娘子莫哭娘子莫哭相公好好看书就是Wife (laugh): That's the spirit （这还差不多）! Do you know? We are in the red for （负债）your Cet6. I even borrowed money from the gate keeper. What can I do when they dun（要债）for debts.老婆（马上变脸）这还差不多你知道么为了供你读书咱们家已经欠了外面一屁股债连看大门的我都借过如果这些人上门来逼债我可怎么办呀ZhuGeliang: Are you pointing to that gatekeeper Liubei?诸葛亮娘子你说看大门的？莫非就是呢个看大门的刘备（抓胡子兴奋点头）Wife: Oh! Yes! Come on quickly! Boy!老婆正是此人书童你快过来Keeper: What is the matter? Madam?书童上书童主人有何吩咐Wife: Listen carefully! My husband is too busy doing his homework to welcome any people, so you will tell the people who calls on him that boss has went to study in England.老婆书童听着相公近日温习功课外人一律不见来人就说去国外游玩讲学去了Keeper: Yes! Madam!书童遵命Aside: While it is going on, liubeiGuanyu Zhangfei have came to the gate of ZhuGeliang‟s house.旁白话正说着刘关张三人已经到了诸葛亮家门口SCENE3 Outside ZhuGeliang‟s houseActors: Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei KeeperZhangfei: Let me strike the door! Open! Open!!!刘关张上张飞大哥我来叫门（气愤敲门咚咚咚）Keeper: (Check from the peep hole（猫眼）) Are these men asking for the debt? (Open the door)书童（从猫眼里看看跟张飞头对上幻灯片配李逵的黑脸吓一跳）莫非是来讨债的（思考开门）Liubei: This is liubei! We are calling on ZhuGeliang and his wife.刘备在下刘备特来拜访诸葛卧龙先生和她老婆Keeper: Zhu said he is not in.书童主人说他不在家Liubei: En????刘关张恩？？？Keeper: Oh! No!...I mean …I mean my boss is studying English in England for the exam of CET-6,and he may not be come back this month.书童哦不是主人主人出去游玩了可能很快回来也可能十多天不回来Liubei: OK! We are waiting for him here!刘备那我们就在这等他Guanyu: Nobody knows that when he will come back, thus, let‟s go home!关羽他呢么贪玩谁知道他什么时候回来大哥我们还是走吧Aside: The three men went away with disappointed. After a month, the deeply autumn came! They came here at the second time. Unfortunately, they didn‟t see Zhugeliang again. Two month passed, the cold winter is coming! It is heavy snow and very cold outsides. ZhuGeliang knows the reason that why they come here threetimes, and orders the keeper to let them come in whiles his wife is outside.旁白三人离去又过了一个月已是深秋三人第二次登门拜访可是仍然没有见着第三次已经是冬天屋外下着鹅毛大雪诸葛亮知道了刘备上门讨债的事情趁这会老婆黄氏不在赶紧命书童前去开门SCENE4 Outside ZhuGeliang‟s houseActors: Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei KeeperZhangfei: Please tell me in time when you would see him next time, let me bind him up （绑起来）for you. It really should not trouble you to come here time and time again.刘关张书童上张飞大哥下次要见诸葛小儿你先给我老三说一声我把他绑来见你如此劳烦哥哥甚是无礼Liubei: These days, the borrower is the god! Let‟s go there again and show our the warmest heart to move them.(Knock the door)刘备哎二弟三弟现在欠钱的都是大爷我们还是再去一回吧一定要诚心诚意才能打动人家（抹眼泪幻灯片放杨白劳与黄世仁咚咚咚敲门）Keeper：My boss is at home today, but he is reading books about CET-6. Please wait for a moment!书童主人今天在家（诸葛亮拿着金瓶梅从身后走过）但是正在看书请你们等一等Zhangfei：Xiao Zhu! Come out! Brothers, help me to take care of my seventh uncle and his third niece（侄女）. Get out, or I will burn your house down!张飞（等不及了）诸葛小儿快出来大哥二哥帮我照顾好我七舅老爷他上外甥女。

三花痴在街上游走。

花痴1：it is so boring !花痴2：yes, it is !花痴3：we have nothing to do !花痴4：look, the four are there!四大才子出场花痴2：it is them !it is them! it isreally them!花痴3：how handsome they are ! how charming they are !I am dizzying!尖叫！四大才子秀舞。

祝枝山：I am the most handsome man in the world,and I have as much money as mouation!文征明：I am so attractive thateach girl will fall in love with me atthe first sight!(抛媚眼) 尖叫声不断徐峥卿：I am so charming that no one can compare with me !唐伯虎：Do you love me ? haveyou heard my name before? Tangbohu is me !（尖叫。

）文征明：Hi ,guy !today all of us are in a good mood!how about trying some English tounge twist! 祝枝山：Good idea ! brother wen ,you first please!绕口令Peter pepper picked upa peck of pickled peppersDid peter pepper pick up a peck of pickled peppersIf peter picked up a peck of pickled peppers Where is the peck of pickledpeppers peter pepper picked up!（乱成一团）唐伯虎：haha （突然大笑）三人：Is that so funny ?文征明：Why do you so happy today ,bohu !唐伯虎：Because madam hua have promised me to marry qiu xiang .(做可爱状) Ha Ha.However ,I will try my best to get her .祝枝山：since you have made up you mind, we will use our wisdom to help you !四人信心满满一起去了华府。

《唐伯虎点秋香》中英文台词（88页完整版）What's going on?究竟什么事呀？I've waited for 6 hours, why hasn't he come out yet?我等了三个时辰呀，都未出来啊！Usually, he will come out not more than 4 hours.是呀！平常两个时辰左右就出来！Put the rubbish in front of the door.把垃圾放在门口Yes.哦！Let's fight for it...一齐去抢，抢呀！I have gotten the calligraphy of Tong Pak-Fu.我终于抢到唐伯虎的墨宝了Give it to me...我抢到先的…给回我It's mine...是我抢到先的嘛！Master. Isn't one dish of soy enough?一碟豉油够不够用呀，少爷？Slowly, please.慢慢来Many people come for your paintings,少爷，外头好多人来求画why don't you bother?真的不理他们吗？I have no mood to draw.今日我没有心情画画Give them two more baskets of rubbish, that's it.帮我拿几箩垃圾给他们算了Yes.是！少爷Mr. Chuck.祝公子Brother Tong.唐兄Mr. Chuck.祝兄Help, Brother Tong.唐兄，救M呀I think you must have lost all you money again.看来祝兄一定是输得干干净净了You understand me so well.生我者父母，知我者唐兄呀Among the "Four Scholars",江南四大才子之中Everyone knows you love gambling.就以祝兄你为人最为洒脱，众人皆知"Having no money, to live comfortably",所谓风吹J蛋壳，财去人安乐it is your motto, right?此乃祝兄你的座右铭呀You are flattering me!过奖，过奖You're born to be a free-liver.但是比起唐兄的风流不羁In fact, you are much more luckier than me.小弟真的有如天渊之别呀But...只不过…you lose so much money per every two days祝兄你隔几天就一百几十两地输and you come to seek help from me after losing money, 输光了又走来叫救MI don't think I can help you forever.长此以往…也不是办法喔Sure!有见地！Because of that, I tried to risk for the last time.小弟就是有见及此，所以破斧沉舟But I lost the money which I could earn till my death.一次过输清我一生可以输的钱That's 300,000 taels.整整三十万两So, I have to beg you to draw 30 paintings...所以要麻烦唐兄替我画三十幅画in order to save my life.用来还债救M呀I understand pretty well.明白明白Shui, go out first.阿水，你先出一出去Yes, master.是，少爷Damn you, don't you think I owe you that?王八蛋，你把这里当是善堂呀？You need 30 paintings?还要我画三十幅画？！No way!免谈！Please!不要这样啦It's my fault,系我唔好，系我唔好呀！I am now begging you to forgive me.我现在叩头认错You should remember that I lent you the blue magazine when you were a child! 你唔念在当年后生时，我借YPT给你看Also, I always help you to sell your paintings which make you get rich!你也念在这几年我帮你卖画赚到一大笔吧Some loan-sharks are waiting for me outside,而且外面有好多人在等候they want me to get 30 paintings of yours within one hour.如果三炷香之后，我拿不到三十幅画出去Otherwise, they'll kill me! Will you help me or not?就将我劈开几份！你帮不帮我？One hour? Well, since you are my brother,三炷香？！不要说做兄弟不照顾你I will write your lament for your funeral.我即管在你灵堂上替你写副挽联Say, "A bastard" or "A scumbag", which one do you like?一写「S有余辜」，一写「S不足惜」Choose between these two.你随便选一句啦！Pak Fu, don't be that mean to me.伯虎，你不要这么绝好吗？I swear if I gamble again,最多我发个DU誓，如果我以后再DU钱的话I will be terribly raped by an ugly woman until death.我就让天下最丑样的女人日夜LJOr until my dick to be rotten.直到体无完肤，摇摇欲坠为止！Is it OK?这样可以了吧？You made such worst oath!这么悲壮的DU誓你都发得出？OK, I will save you for the last time.好！我今次即管再救你啦Man, give me the stationery.人来呀！文房四宝侍候You are such a heroic friend, so righteous! 唐兄不愧忠肝义胆，侠骨丹心…Cut the crap, undress.废话少讲，脱衣Undress?脱衣？What are you doing?搞什么呀？What?这样玩？Fantastic!认真神乎奇技It's worth of being tortured like this!真的是被你打S都值得呀！What is it called?叫什么名堂呀？It's great!利害啦！It's called "Great Eagle".是叫做「雄鹰展翅气吞天下图」It is worth over 300,000 taels.这一幅画已经抵偿到你三十万两Don't bother me again.请你以后不要再来烦我Sure!一定一定！But you really amazed me.不过我更佩服唐兄之处…You used my nipples as flowers.是可以将我胸前的双点作花You used my palms as trees.双掌作树My ass is painted as stone.屁股画石Cloud and mountains are drawn on my feet. 前足作云，后足作山About the eagle,那只鹰which part of my body is used?是用我身体的哪个部份勾画出来的？It's your penis.是用阁下的子孙根I guessed it correctly.果然不出我所料It's great! How wonderful!雄浑激情，勾画出它的神韵呀！I only used your penis to draw the little worm hung in the eagle's mouth. 只不过是鹰嘴上面含着的那条小虫吧！How come you think it's great and wonderful?何来雄浑激情之有呀？！That's good!都好！It's useful anyway.可以转弯的Tong Pak-Fu was born in Ming Dynasty,唐伯虎，于明宪宗成化六年in the year of Tiger.庚寅年，寅月寅日寅时出世He was named Tong Yan.故名唐寅Yan was born in the year of Tiger, so he was also named as Pak Fu.因寅属虎，故又名唐伯虎He was very clever and was good in writing poems and paintings.唐寅聪明绝顶，诗画双绝He was the leading scholar of the "Four Scholars" in Ming Dynasty.位列江南四大才子之首So Tong Yan was the idol of many people.为当时男女老少所崇拜的偶像He was envied by many men而最为人津津乐道的because he had 8 pretty wives.就是他拥有八位天姿国SE的娇妻He seemed to be the most lucky guy in the world!恍如神仙美眷，羡煞旁人！Hands up, do you have money?举手！身上有没有一百几十两啊？Please lend it to me first.给我用一用吧！Kidding! So poor are you!有没有搞错啊？得那么少！Pay me now.赔钱啦！You have got money, we can keep on playing now.你有钱，我们就可以继续玩了You always win,每一局都是你赢的I wonder, are you a swindler?不知是不是出术的？I'm lucky indeed!当然啦，我旺吖嘛！Honeys, come and eat the chicken wings!几位娘子，有J翼吃啦Why are you that late?挑完J骨才来呀？这么久Hey, are you ready?好了，你们摆好了吗？We're ready...可以打了！像催M符Oh, my painting of "Hundred Flowers"!我的「百花争艳图」…Please lend it to me to be a mat for the table.现在用来垫一垫桌子Don't be so mean!不是太过份嘛？！You are not dying, you may draw another one any time you like. 你还没S，有空再画另一幅吧But...但是…Cut the crap, play with me.不要再说，我们来猜拳先吧Choi Choi, make it three, four thirty.财财！三叉仔！四块半Drink it!饮！Hurry up!快点啦"Chinese Poems - Tong Yan"「唐寅诗集」What are you doing?你在做什么？Oh, my poetry!我那本诗集呀！Look at it, the table is not well balanced,你看看吧，这张桌常常移动的one book is not enough,垫了一本还不足够bring me two more please.你帮我去多拿两本来吧You lost.头门四九，SHA！You lost again.川门六五，SHA！I lost again?又再SHA吗？Why a bird is missing from my painting?我的「百鸟朝凰图」，何故没了个雀头？Cut the crap!做什么这般劳气啊I have lost a bird from my mahjong.人家遗失了那只一索So I cut the head to represent the lost one 于是剪了那雀头来用着先啰！No big deal!有什么出奇呢？You...你…Mom, what are you doing?娘亲，你在做什么呀？Mom wants to suicide!哎呀，奶奶吊颈呀！Go and take a look of her now...还不快点去看看她吧…Hold it, let's finish this game first.先开牌看一看！Watch mine, I am the winner.双天至尊通S！You jinx!这么邪呀！Money, please.赔钱呀！Mom, are you crazy?娘亲，你傻了吗？I am useless,娘亲没用I've married you to 8 wives,给你娶足八个老婆来服侍你but you aren't satisfied,你都不满足You always have a long face.整天愁眉苦面I think I have to kill myself我S了算了吧Why did you say so?娘亲何必这样讲呢？I didn't blame you!我何时有怨过你半句呢？Pak Fu, you are young and successful.伯虎，你正所谓年少有为，事业有成You are rich and you have so many wives,家财千万，妻妾成群You should be the happiest guy in the world. Right?你应该是世界上最开心的人啦嘛！I haven't said I am unhappy.我没说过我不开心喔So, why do you always have a long face?那为什么你整日黑口黑面？Don't you think your wives match you?是不是嫌几位家嫂配你不上啊？It's easy to get a wife but not easy to get the right one who understands me well. 娘亲你不明啦，千金易得，知己难求Although they are my wives,我和几位娘子虽有夫妻之名they don't really understand my mind.只可惜同床异梦！Don't you think we can't match you?那你即是嫌弃我们吗？We'd better suicide!我们不如S了算吧！What? 8 of you will be hanging together?哗！八个一起上吊How amazing!何其壮观呀！Help!救人呀…Daughters-in-law, are you alright?家嫂…你没事吧？Pak Fu, do you want them all to have suicide?伯虎，你是否要搞到SI横遍野Will you feel happy about that?XUE流成河才安乐呀？I don't mean...我都没说…Let me go, I want to die...放开我啦…我要S啦！Don't do that!你们不要这样啦！Mother-in-law, let us die.奶奶，你让我们去S啦！Pak Fu, can you say something?伯虎，你说句话好吗？Shut up! Listen to me!不要吵啦！It's my fault,是我的错！all of you are very nice.几位娘子贤良淑德，持家有道Cultured and civilized.知书识礼But I should have appreciated, it's my fault.是我不懂得欣赏Sorry, please forgive me.我对各位不起，请大家原谅我！I am so happy about that!你明白就最好啦Hubby, smile, come on.相公，笑一笑吧！Come on, smile.笑一笑嘛！Be happy.我要开心点的！Come on, smile.是啦，笑一笑嘛！Why don't you laugh happily?你看他笑得这么勉强的？You should Iaugh happily!是否不满意？！Come on, be happy.笑得开心一点嘛！笑啦笑啦Show us a happy look.是啦！Let's play...财财，两家好，八皮马，四同四，饮！Pak Fu, see, they always want you to be happy.伯虎，你看看她们多为你呀Don't misunderstand them again,以后你就不要辜负这几位家嫂got me?对你的一片苦心喇Madam, King Ning sends someone here to visit Young Master. 夫人，宁皇派人来要见少爷呀King Ning?宁皇？King Ning is planning a rebellion.宁皇现在正在图谋造反Doesn't he want to recruit you?他派人来…难道想招揽你？Anyway,管他的just ask them to leave. I don't want to see them.你随便的帮我打发他走就算了Madam, they...夫人，他们…Where is Tong Pak-Fu?唐伯虎呢？Our Majesty wants him to be his military consultant. 我们王爷想请他回去做参谋Ask him to come out now.快点叫他出来I am sorry,几位，真是不好意思my son is very sick, he can't receive you.小儿刚患重病，不能见客Please express our sincere thanks to His Majesty.宁皇的好意，心领了Please go back!几位请回吧What a coincidence!又会这么巧啊？！Those we want to recruit always get sick.为什么王爷要请的人都说生病了！But, it's been predicted by Our Majesty already.不过王爷早料有此一着He asked us to bring the doctor here叫我们带同御医来to check his sickness!让我们帮唐伯虎看病！Madam...夫人…Tong Pak-Fu.唐伯虎Isn't he sick?你刚说他病了的？He...he has been seriously sick!他…他是病的很厉害呀！But, how come a patient...病得厉害to have a good appetite to eat chicken wings?又怎么会有好胃口吃J翼呢？Yes, it's strange...Why?就是，为什么呀？It's simple, because...这很简单，因为…I love chicken wings.烧J翼，我钟意食But your mom says you are going to die.但是你老母说你就快要SThat's why he has to eat more before he dies.愈快要S就愈应该要吃多一只If he don't eat now, he will have no chance to eat. 如果现在不吃，以后没机会再吃Are you going to die?你真的就快要S？I am going to die.我真的就快要SIf I don't eat now, I will have no chance to eat.如果现在不吃，以后没机会再吃！But, he doesn't seem to be seriously sick.病得好像唐解元这么好面SE，都很少有喔Doctor, go to feel the pulse of Mr. Tong.御医，帮唐解元把把脉To see how serious is his sickness.看看他有几严重His pulse is normal.唐解元的脉象四平八稳I don't think he is sick!很正常呀，没有什么问题呀！How is he?他怎样呀？Can I be saved?还有得救吗？Let me try.试试啦What's wrong with him?他怎样呀？I haven't experienced such a messy pulse.我从来未听过这么乱的脉象What did you feel?你听到些什么呀？Music!将军令呀！What?什么？I think, you should have to prepare for your funeral. 我看你都是早点准备身后事吧See you, Mr. Tong.唐解元，我们告辞啦！We shouldn't have wasted our time...早知你是这样to recruit a dying man, let's go.就不要浪费我们的时间，我们走！Doctor, please save my...御医，你救救我…Bastard, kneeI down.衰仔，跪低Do you remember?你记不记得You took an oath in front of your dad's grave,你曾经在你S鬼老爸灵前发过誓you never show others to know your Kung-fu!说不会泄漏你识武功这个秘密Why have you shown Kung-fu just then?为什么今天又要破戒呢？I remember, but it was an emergency.我记得，但是刚才情势危急I just used my Kung-fu况且我只是用内功to change my pulse only, no big deal.改变了自己的脉象吧But, in case...不怕一万，只怕万一if our enemies discover that...一旦被唐家的仇人发现you are the successor of Tong's Family...你是霸王枪的传人you will be in danger.你即时有S身之祸的！Mom, who are our enemies?娘亲，我们唐家的仇人究竟是谁？Why don't you tell me?为什么你一直都不肯告诉我？I was afraid you'd look for trouble我以前不告诉你是因为你年少气盛since you were young.怕你自找麻烦But, you've grown up,但是现在你都已经长大I should tell you anyway.我亦不怕告诉你知We have 2 enemies.我们唐家是有两大仇人One is called "Evil Scholar".其中一个是夺M书生He fought with your dad当年他们二人for the ranking championship of weapon.为了争夺兵器谱上的排名，决定比武I was afraid he would play tricks,我恐防夺M书生会使出诡计暗算你爹So I stayed and watched over their duel.所以一直在场监视着他Let me trap you instead.让我来暗算你这个贱种夺M书生Brother Tinho, you will be the winner, don't worry. 相公，你赢定了，放心吧Higher than you.高过你！Go to hell.去S吧！What is it?什么来呀？Chussy.朱茜！Watch out.小心呀！Go to hell.S啦！Chussy, you...朱茜，你…Be careful!小心呀！No way! I have to use the last stance!不行啦，唯有用绝招啦！Go to hell.去S吧！Chussy,朱茜what the hell are you doing here?你究竟在这里来搅什么家伙啊？I...我…Be careful!小心呀！Don't go, you should tell me what you are doing here. 不要走呀！你说清楚在搞什么鬼呀！I love you, so I want to help you.我爱你，所以想帮你呀！Don't you think the red beans can help me?帮我什么？撒这些没有用的红豆It's not red beans,这些不是红豆！it's my new invention: Tiny Bombs!这是我新发明的暗器霹雳雷珠What? Tiny... what?霹什么雳什么雷什么呀？Don't look down on it,你不要小看它呀！it's really powerful when it blow.它爆炸起来威力无穷What? Powerful... what? It will blow?威什么力什么？会爆？Damn you, Chussy, do you want to play tricks?小喇叭，朱茜你是不是要玩S我呀？The Killing Sword Stance of the "Evil Scholar"?书生夺M剑？！In the most critical moment,就在这最危急的关头your dad attacked him...你阿爹突然使出世间上with the most horrible weapon in the world,最恐怖最吓人的独门暗器he changed the whole situation.将整个局面扭转了！Watch out.看暗器My Wonder Spear!霸王回马枪Where is the spearhead?没枪头的？Why?怎么会这样？That's why dad died in great sorrow.难怪阿爹最后都郁郁而终He couldn't imagine你阿爹想不到夺M书生Evil Scholar could break the steel-made spearhead.连精钢制造的枪头都可以打断Before his death,所以他在临S的时候he made an invincible spearhead!就特别制造了这个坚硬无比的寒铁枪头It was because he worried that "Evil Scholar" would kill our whole family. 以防夺M书生赶尽S绝How about another enemy?但是你说我们有两大仇家Who is the next one?另一个是谁呢？She was your dad's girlfriend, she fought with me for your dad.另外一个就是当年跟我争你阿爹的情敌But she married later.不过她已经嫁人了I don't think you will meet her again.看来都没什么机会再撞到的啦Get lost, don't bother me to have gambling.让开啦，不要阻着我们发达呀！Mom, I want to leave home for few days.娘亲，这几日我想离家出外几日I will seek shelter.暂避风头I am afraid the people from King Ning will come to bother us again.因为我怕宁皇会再派人来找我麻烦You should bring along the invincible spearhead with you最紧要带着这支寒铁枪头for your safety.以防万一呀Bear in mind!记着呀！Let's e on.开局呀…开大细呀！来呀！Since your dad lost in the duel,由于当年你阿爹打输了Now, on the rank of weapon,所以当今兵器谱上面the Killing Sword of Evil Scholar is the 1st runner-up.书生夺M剑排行第二Our Tong's Spear is the 2nd runner-up.我们霸王枪排行第三Siu Lee's Dagger is the 3rd runner-up.小李飞刀紧随第四Move!把脚缩开啦Who is the champion?那排名第一的是谁呢？The mom of Dagger Siu lee,那就是小李飞刀的娘亲but she passed away.可惜已经过身了Oh, what a pity!原来就是小李老母飞刀，真可惜！Cut the crap, why not play with me?聊那么多干嘛？来猜两拳先啦！Choi Choi, bingo, make it six.财财呀，一定中，你的帽Drink it.喝呀！You are too poor to compete with me.你真没用！走开啦- Get lost! - I wanna play with mother-in-law. 走…我跟奶奶猜Choi Choi, make it three, why not nine...财财，三叉仔…You lost, drink it.奶奶，你输了呀，喝啦I won't scare.喝就喝I am so miserable.我的心又悲，我的心又痛My wives are abnormal housewives.八个老婆都恶搞一通But others envy me so much.人家当我享尽齐人福In fact, I am lonely.其实空虚寂寞兼且冻，兼且冻Look, the "Four Scholars" are over there.你们看！江南四大才子在那边呀！Go and have a look, hurry up...快点过去看看，快点啦…You can never escape.想走？！飞不出我的五指山！Brother Pak Fu, there is a crowd of people. 伯虎兄，很多人呀！We come here for a tour,今天我们江南四大才子来到游山玩水that's why the girls are that crazy.难怪那些女子如此疯狂了！That's why!难怪难怪Pals,各位各位why not have a poem competition?今天大家如此高兴，不如吟首诗哩！Very good idea!征明兄提议的好Why don't you start first? Brother Man-bun.文斌兄你先来哩？I am the best in this field.强项啦"There are many geese under the mountain."「山下一群鹅」"They rushed down to the river."「嘘声赶落河」"Let's roast a goose."「落河捉鹅医肚饿」"After roasting, you'd better go home for a screw."「食完回家玩老婆」Good, very good.好句好句Very good!绝句绝句Isn't it that funny?真的那么好笑？I wonder, why is he always so enjoy when he is in a trip? 点解唐兄每次出游都那么豪情奔放呢？！I envy him so much.乐极忘形，实在令人羡慕羡慕Be frank,讲开又讲啦！he is the best in writing poems among the "Four Scholars". 在江南论文章，唐兄才高八斗And he is an excellent artist.论丹青，妙笔生花He is really a great genius!这是真真正正的驾势堂呀！Right! I envy him his talent for music.没错，更令人羡慕的就是He is very good in playing musical instruments.他在音律方面都有很高造诣That's right, I know playing...那倒是，古今中外各种乐器all kinds of musical instruments.我那样不玩得出神入化呀？！Recently I have studied a new kind of western music, 最近我还研究了一种西洋敲击乐器it's great!很得的Let's play it together if we've a chance.有机会可以跟大家一齐研究一吓Sure.一定一定But I envy you...依我说唐兄最令人羡慕之处because of your wives.莫过于艳福啦Everybody knows your eight wives...人人都知唐兄家中are so pretty.有八位夫人个个貌美如花，国SE天香I don't think you will have any regrets in your life.做人能像你这样，夫复何求呢？！I envy you so much.羡煞旁人呀Bravo...利害，利害There is something attractive.似乎有好囡看See, there is a beauty on the bridge.唐兄你看一看桥头上She seems to be lonely.有个婀娜多姿的美女，只影形单Why not show us your talent about how to court a girl. 不如这样，你即场示范一下你的泡妞大法To let us learn from you!给兄弟学习学习哩？Well...这个嘛？It's the welfare for your friends, so?事关大家的福利，没问题吧？I am glad to demonstrate it.义不容辞啦Go.去啦！Miss.小姐What's the matter?什么事呀？公子？Go, go...上！上！May I put my head on your shoulder?没什么！我想借小姐的肩膊搭一下Is it OK?不知有没有问题呢？No,这怎可以呀？I am a girl, a decent girl.我是一个黄花闺女来嘛！I know, I want to make my friends happy, that's all. 我知！我只是想应酬一下朋友罢了In fact, I am Tong Pak-Fu.其实在下正是唐伯虎So what?唐什么伯什么虎什么呀？I don't know you.我都不认识你I will shout for help if you don't leave me alone.你再不走我可要叫啦How about paying you I tael?这样吧，我给你一两银做做样哩？！Who do you think I am?一两银子？你当我是什么？Make it ten.起码都十两啦！That's too expensive, why don't you rob?你都要十两？不如去抢？！Right, I am robber.不错，就是抢Give me all your money.后生仔，拿钱来！Go to hell.S啦！Punch you!打你！What's wrong?搞什么鬼？No need to punch her like that?不用这么重手呀？Robber! It's a ladyboy!抢钱呀，这个S人妖！Ladyboy?人妖？I love it. Hold it.我喜欢喔！拿着！Damn it. He is being the first to!真可惜！被他抢先一步呀！Look, so many people!你看，好多人呀！Yes, it's crowded.是呀，好热闹呀！Chung-heung, Ha-heung, shut up,春香，夏香，吵什么呀？behave yourselves.不要失礼呀！What's going on?什么事咁多人呀？Madam Wah and her 4 pretty maids have come for worshipping. 今天华太夫人带同婢女四香入庙进香呀！The maids are all pretty,听说个个都如天仙下凡especially Chou-heung.尤其是秋香最靓女喔！Who is she? Who is Chou-heung?哪个呀？哪个是呀？Look! That way.呢…那边呀！Chou-heung.秋香！Damn, she is not pretty at all.车！这很普通喔！You know,又不是嘛伯虎兄pretty woman is like flowers.要知道美女这东西跟鲜花一样You'll be all eyes for its beauty if some leaves are around.需要有绿叶的衬托才会显出娇美喔Look once more.多看一次吧！Pretty woman!美女Woo, she is really pretty!这么再看她真是美得利害喔！Let's go in the temple together.我们一起入庙To look for fun!找着数啦吧！You will be our leader!看你啦！Follow me.强项啦！Give me...给我，给我吃…Make way... go that way!走开点呀…走过去！Let's use of any chance to take their advantage. 稍后一有机会，就涌过去大肆搜掠一番啦Sure.一定啦！Give the beggars some bread.施舍一点给乞儿吃啦Yes, Madam.是，夫人Yes, Madam.是，夫人Give it to me.有吃的了…给我…Go.上Go!涌呀！Be merciful!施舍一下啦I want any kind of bread. Come on.什么包都要呀！来…拿来It's yours, everyone will get his share.你的…大家都有份…Don't fight for it. It's yours.不要争啦I haven't eaten for a long time,我很久都没吃过东西please give me some bread.求你给我个包啦Auntie, this is for you.大婶，这个你的Help! I am damn hungry!救M呀，很肚饿呀Are you hungry? Eat this.你肚饿呀？那你先吃啦！What? One is not enough?怎么了？一个不够呀？One more for you.多给你一个吧！Come over, here are some bread!你们过来吧，这边还有呀！Be good, come on, eat this.乖，来，吃吧I've got it,原来当今世上最美丽的笑容the most pretty smile is the smile with love.就是充满爱心的笑容I have found my dream lover.天啊，我已经找到我的理想She is Chou-heung.她就是秋香Miss, are you coming to worship God?咦，小姐，拜神呀？It's good to worship God, so you will be blessed. 好的，拜得神多自有神庇佑呀Let me do it for you.让我来To worship God...求神…"It's prohibited to speak loudly in the temple." 「寺内严禁喧哗」Pal, chase the ship of Madam Wah.兄弟，立即帮我追一下华府的官船Fine!好的Be careful...小心…小心…Sir, you are wise公子，你真是识货啦to choose my ship.那么多船不选就选中了我这艘船My ship is the most speedy one.我是出了名的快Really?是吗？Hey, your ship is sinking.喂，你的船在下沉呀Yes! It's speedy to sink as I said before.是呀！沉得快嘛What's wrong?你搞什么呀？！I am in a hurry!我在赶时间呀，大哥！I think you are chasing Chou-heung.看你那个样子，一定是追秋香姐哩？！How do you know that?你又知道？I have seen many rich guys of your kind before. 你这种富家公子年中见不少啦But it's useless不过只是在华府门口to court her outside Wah's house.转来转去沾不到便宜的！What good idea will you suggest?那你有什么好招呢？You should go and work inside Wah's house. 要想办法混进华府才行嘛！Suggest some idea to me please.那你就教我一两招吧！No problem. It depends on your offer.招不是没有，看你懂不懂啦Alright. I will follow your advice.一切都听大哥的话啦Listen to me...那你听住啦！You can't move no matter what happens! OK? 我稍后便开档，等一下打S你都不能动！You said you would pay me!你说将卖得的钱都全给我Don't cheat me!你不要赖皮呀！How can I cheat a wise guy like you?以你的智慧，那里有人骗到你呀？That's right.那也是Cheap man!明益街坊呀A brand new cheap man for sale.全新第一手好靓的孝子大平卖呀！Come and have a look!不买也来看看啦！I'm so poor!我很惨呀…Are you selling yourself to bury your dad?哥仔你大清早在这MAI身ZANG父But it's not lucky to see a dead body early in the morning. 太不吉利了吧？I don't want too.我都不想呀！You look familiar,点解你看来好面善嘅？where did I see you before?我们在哪儿见过呀！Really?是吗？It doesn't matter, let's make friends now.所谓相逢何必曾相识呢？Why don't you be merciful, buy me please.不如两位姐姐，可怜一下我吧…What a pity?真是惨啰We need a workman indeed, why not...横竖我们正缺个下人，不如就…I am poor, I want to sell myself to bury my whole family! 我好惨呀，MAI身ZANG全家！Kidding?!不是吧？Be merciful,两位姑娘你们可怜一下我吧my family died last night.我全家六口一晚S光I am sick with tuberculosis too, why not buy me?我身染十级肺痨May be, I'll cut half price!半卖半送，你买我啦！He is miserable,石榴，看他真是惨很多呀why not buy him to be our workman?不如都是买他返华府吧啦！So, buy him.那就买他吧！Lady, first come first serve, I come first.姐姐，我先来的喔！It's not a matter of priority.这不是先后的问题嘛！He has to bury his whole family对呀，人家家里S了六个and you have to bury your dad only.你家才S了一个I do want to help you, but it's difficult for me to buy two. 我都很想帮你，但是我很难做嘛But, I am miserable too.但是我都很惨的喔Then show me how miserable you are.那你有什么惨事，你说出来呀Well, I...我…See how dirty are my fingernails?你看我几天没有剪指甲It's miserable, right?难道这还不够惨吗？Wong Choi, don't die! Don't die.旺财…旺财，你不要S呀！旺财…You have followed me for a long time,你跟了我这么久you're so good to me.对我有情有义肝胆相照But I have never given you sufficient food.可是大哥我连餐饱饭都没让你吃过I am damn sorry.我对不起你呀！Watch out!小心呀！Siu Keung, how are you?小强！小强你怎么呀？小强？Don't die, Siu Keung, don't die.小强，你不要S呀，小强We have suffered for such a long time,我跟你相依为M，同甘共苦了这么多年I treated you as my relative.已经当你是我亲生骨肉般供书教学How can you leave me like this...想不到今天白发人送黑发人呀…Sister Chou-heung, they are both miserable,秋香姐，他们两个都这么惨what'll we do?怎么办？Let's wait and see.看定先再说啦。

Act 2地点：A river side, on the street人物：江南四大才子，如花，一女子，围观者，四香，石榴，华夫人，丑婢女道具：4扇子，丝巾，伞，小刀，2凳子，背景音乐旁白：第二幕，江南四大才子结伴出游，众女子兴奋观看。

一女子：Look, the 'Four Scholars' are over there.（四大才子摆pose，众女子倾倒）一女子：Go and have a look,祝枝山：We come here for a tour.That’s why t he girls are that crazy.文征明：Pals, why not has a poem competition?祝：Very good idea!Why don't you start first? Brother Wen bin.周文斌：l am the best in this field.'There are many geese under the mountain.'文征明：'They rushed down to the river.'祝：'Let's roast a goose.'唐：'After roasting, you'd better go home for a screw.'三人：Good, very good. Very good!（三人笑，唐伯虎逛笑）祝：There is something attractive.See, there is a beauty on the bridge. She seems to be lonely.Why not show us your talent about how to court a girl.To let us learn from you!唐：Well...周文斌：lt's the welfare for your friends, so?唐：l am glad to demonstrate it.三人：Go.唐：Miss.如花：What's the matter? （一回头，竟是如花！）三人：Go, go...唐：May l put my head on your shoulder?如花：ls it OK? No, l am a girl, a decent girl.唐：l know, l want to make my friends happy, that's all.ln fact, l am Tong Pak-Fu.如花：So what?l don't know you.l will shout for help if you don't leave me alone.唐：How about paying you 1 tael?如花：1 tael? Who do you think l a.m.?Make it ten.唐：That's too expensive, why don't you rob?如花：Right, l am robber.Give me all your money.（两人乱打，最后如花被唐伯虎打落河中）三人：What's wrong? （赶到桥上）What’s the matter?文征明：No need to punch her like that?唐：Robber! lt's a ladyboy!三人：Ladyboy?祝：l love it. Hold it. （祝枝山将折扇递给文斌，跳入河中）文征明：Damn it. He is being the first to!（华夫人带众人去拜神）春香：Look, so many people!夏香：Yes, it's crowded.华夫人：Chun-xiang, Xia-xiang, shut up,四大才子：Heave yourselves.What's going on?某人：Madam Hua and her 4 pretty maids have come for worshipping.周文斌：The maids are all pretty, especially Qiu-xiang.唐：Who is she? Who is Qiu-xiang?文斌,征明：Look! That way.三人：Qiu-xiang.（秋香回首一笑）唐：Damn, she is not pretty at all.周文斌：You know, pretty woman is like flowers.You'll be all eyes for its beauty if some leaves are around.Look once more.三人：Pretty woman!（一整排回首，旁人皆成丑女衬托）唐：Woo, she is really pretty!Let's go in the temple together.To look for fun!Act 3地点：West Gate of Hua’s house人物：唐伯虎，秋香，石榴，惨人，假死人道具：“旺财”，1手帕，“小强”，2卖身牌，1棍子，4凳子，银两旁白：第三幕，华府西门口。

元旦晚会小品唐伯虎点秋香剧本第一篇：元旦晚会小品唐伯虎点秋香剧本元旦晚会小品剧本《唐伯虎点秋香》人物：唐伯虎（说话声音温柔），秋香，秋香母（高大的男生反串，学女人腔），旁白，配乐（自己会吹笛子，最好还会弹吉他），一个观众托儿，儿童甲，儿童乙，唐伯虎跟班（男生，东北口音））（配乐先上场，用笛子吹奏《myheartwillgoon》，吹完前奏后，旁白上场，边吹，旁白边说）旁白：亲爱的观众－朋友们，你可曾听过那凄美感人，浪漫柔情，令人心旷神怡，怎么听都听不够的唐伯虎点秋香的故事？什么，你们听过？（面向观众，带吃惊的表情，音乐停，接着按原来平和语调说，音乐起）那就对了，你们以前听的都是经过人工修饰的，我这回给你们讲一个原汁原味的不经过任何雕琢的唐伯虎点秋香的故事。

故事发生在距今好几百年以前，有个通过全村人民举手表决产生的江南四大才子之首，唐伯虎同志。

（下，用手引上唐伯虎）（唐和跟班上）唐：（摇扇而上）桃花坞里桃花庵，桃花庵里桃花仙；桃花仙人种桃树，又摘桃花换酒钱。

酒醒只在花前坐，酒醉还来花下眠；半醉半醒日复日，花开花落年复年。

我就是神武英名盖世无双，人见人爱，花见花开，车见车爆胎，智慧与美貌并重，英雄与侠义的化身，唐伯虎。

我不仅谈吐风雅，而且品质优良，堪称新时代的……跟班：米饭。

唐：嗯？跟班：哦，不，模范。

嘿嘿，（一下唐伯虎听到前半句的时候都很高兴，听到后半句的时候都很气愤）如果说俺们少爷有才那得受罚的话呢，那他可就得千刀万刮啊；如果说俺们少爷有德那是犯罪的话呢，那他可就是罪恶滔天啊；如果说俺们少爷帅那是造孽的话呢，那他可就是得天打雷劈啊。

唐：你小子还敢说，我揍你。

跟班：嘿嘿，爷，皇历上说你今天有桃花运？唐：你小子扯啥玩意儿，怎么能说我今天有桃花运呢？你说我哪天没桃花运啊？（下）旁白：一天，唐伯虎邂逅了绝代佳人秋香同志，那时候，秋香刚替老夫人从超市发买东西回来，途中路遇一甲一乙两个儿童拦路抢劫。

（秋香手拿一大包卷纸上，儿童甲乙从另一侧上，甲戴着向后的帽子，乙手里拄单拐）甲，乙：呔，此树是我栽，此路是我开，要想从此过，留下买路财！秋香：那小女子把东西给你们，你们就放我走么？（秋香把东西给甲、乙）（乙刚欲走，甲拉住乙）甲：等……等会儿，我……我要先劫……劫个色。

Three visits to the cottage————By FRIENDSThree visits to the cottage（中文名三顾茅庐）is a story from one of the Four Great classical Chinese novels——the Three Kindoms. ZhuGeliang is one of the main characters in the original. Also, he is an outstanding militarist, politician and the symbol of the wisdom in Chinese history. Another main actors——Liubei, who visited ZhuGeliang's thatched cottage three times and wanted to invite him to be his military adviser. Finally, ZhuGeliang was moved by Liubei' sincerity, helped the three brothers——Liubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei to establish the Shu Kindom. He devoted his whole life to the cause and died in harness.Our script is revised from this story and writed by my classmates of group FRIENDS. In this play, we add many modern and funny elements. For example, there are some spoken lines and actions which were copied from some classical movies like Infernal Affairs(中文名无间道), My Own Swordsman（中文名武林外传）,The Flirting Scholar（中文名唐伯虎点秋香）were combined in our play. Also, we added some interesting pictures and audio to our slide.Maybe there are some mistakes in our dialogue. But this play is the result of painstaking efforts of our group. So we present our script to you and wish you will like it.Three visits to the cottageAside: After their swearing brotherhood to heaven and earth in a peach garden, the three persons——Liubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei-had to be janitors in Caocao's corporation to make a living for they could not find jobs. Meanwhile the legendary and mysterious character ZhuGeliang who had been forced to attend CET-6 test by his wife was reviewing examination contents. SCENE 1: Liubei's homeActors: Liubei Guanyu ZhangfeiGuanyu: Brother! We three have been hungry for days and when will this tragic life end? It's so terrible!Liubei: Yu, it's impossible that I don't feel painful, isn't it? But as the proverb says it is hard to sit in Rome and strive against the Pope. Now we come down to Caocao's corporation as gatekeeper, anyhow we can fill our stomachs between whiles. It's very hard to get work now. No diplomas and no job offers, what are you dreaming about?Zhangfei: Oh, Brother! ZhuGeliang's wife borrowed us 500yuan to cope with his husband’s CET-6 fees last month, it seems that it's time for us to be debt collectors now.Guanyu: Yeah, Brother! Or we'll be as poor as church mouse.Liubei: Alas! How did I forget this? Let's go! Go~~ go~! Hurry up! Follow me and go to the mountain for dunning!Aside: And then the three brothers climb the mountain to find ZhuGeliang.SCENE 2: ZhuGeliang’s houseActors: ZhuGeliang WifeZhuGeliang: Good morning! I am the genius ZhuGeliang. But I feel so morose recently. Because my wife forced me to pass the CET-6. What’s CET-6? Do you know? You?(Ask the audience) I’ve never heart about that. And she obliged me to read so heavy books and do so many texts. It’s ridiculous. My major is military advice, not English. Why should I read this?Wife: Darling!ZhuGeliang：My wife is coming，she is so long-winded that I can never bear her.Wife：My dear, how about your study?ZhuGeliang：These books make me want to doze. I’m dizzy.Wife：Darling! Now, competition is so serious. If you can’t pass cet6 to get your master’s degree, it is difficult to find a job. I have stayed here for half of a lifetime. But never visit a bigger place like Yangling.ZhuGeliang：Don’t worry, these books are too easy for your husband and don’t need to learn. Wife：Are you sure? let me have a test to you. Listen，read and see!ZhuGeliang：A piece of cake!Wife：Listen, can you spell apple? Desk?ZhuGeliang: Sorry I can’t.Wife：You can’t? Oh, how unfortunate I am! (crying) I'm wrong, I'm really wrong, I'm wrong from the beginning. I shouldn't marry here. If I didn’t marry here, I'll never in this heartrending place now,ZhuGeliang：Don’t cry, don’t cry, stop! I ‘m going to study hard at once.Wife (laugh): That's the spirit! Do you know? We are in the red for your Cet6. I even borrowed money from the gate keeper. What can I do when they dun for debts.ZhuGeliang: Are you pointing to that gatekeeper Liubei?Wife: Oh! Yes! Come on quickly! Boy!Keeper: What is the matter? Madam?Wife: Listen carefully! My husband is too busy doing his homework to welcome any people, so you will tell the people who calls on him that boss has went to study in England. .Keeper: Yes! Madam!Aside: While it is going on, liubei Guanyu Zhangfei have came to the gate of ZhuGeliang’s house.SCENE3 Outside ZhuGeliang’s houseActors: Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei KeeperZhangfei: Let me strike the door! Open! Open!!!Keeper: (Check from the peep hole) Are these men asking for the debt? (Open the door) Liubei: This is liubei! We are calling on ZhuGeliang and his wife.Keeper: Zhu said he is not in.Liubei: En????Keeper: Oh! No!...I mean …I mean my boss is studying English in England for the exam of CET-6,and he may not be come back this month.Liubei: OK! We are waiting for him here!Guanyu: Nobody knows that when he will come back, thus, let’s go home!Aside: The three men went away with disappointed. After a month, the deeply autumn came! They came here at the second time. Unfortunately, they didn’t see Zhugeliang again. Two month passed, the cold winter is coming! It is heavy snow and very cold outsides. ZhuGeliang knows the reason that why they come here three times, and orders the keeper to let them come in whiles his wife is outside.SCENE4 Outside ZhuGeliang’s houseActors: Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei KeeperZhangfei: Please tell me in time when you would see him next time, let me bind him up for you. It really should not trouble you to come here time and time again.Liubei: These days, the borrower is the god! Let’s go there again and show our the warmest heart to move them.(Knock the door)Keeper：My boss is at home today, but he is reading books about CET-6. Please wait for a moment!Zhangfei：Xiao Zhu! Come out! Brothers, help me to take care of my seventh uncle and his third niece. Get out, or I will burn your house down!Guanyu: Sunflower press! AI. Litter brother, big brother has said several times, We are intellectuals, understand? Don't be so rude, we are here for debt, not for his life. If you will kill him, where is our money?Liubei: The submortagage crisis is so serious, don’t y ou know that simple reason? If you know, please bat your eyes!Zhangfei (Bat eyes)Guanyu: sunflower press!!!!!Zhangfei: Where did you get this KongFu?Guanyu: Hehe! I get it from a TV program called “My Own Swordsman”, which is so popular with lots of people in China!Zhangfei: Why not say it earlier? We three brother could run a company of Chinese KongFu if we had know that before!Guanyu: Oh!! That is a good idea!!!!Keeper: Don’t interrupt!!!! Boss is reading!!!Liubei: Keep quite!!!Aside: at this time, zhugeliang is exciting, but his wife come back soon.SCENE 5: ZhuGeliang’s HomeActors: ZhuGeliang wife liubei Zhangfei GuanyuZhuGeliang: Thank goodness, here's Liubei at last. Ha ha ha ……….Wife: Wof! Darling! He may come here to ask me to rep ay his money. We can’t let him in. ZhuGeliang: My darling, please don’t worry. I can make liubei go back with nothing by my sliver tongue.Liubei: Mr. ZhuGeliang. I have hunted you for a long time!Zhu: Oh! You are Liubei. What can I do for you ?Liu: my brother, you have borrowed me $500, when you repay it for me? I have starved for several days.ZhuGeliang: I owe you $500? who can testify? Please give me a chance, I want to be an honest man.Liubei: How can I give you a chance? Speak it to the judge.Zhu: Please look, although having ambition , you are just a guarder .We can enlarge our power from this base, and then attack Caocao. At last I believe that we can reign the whole country. Liubei: I’m so surprised! I don’t know you are so ideal.ZhuGeliang: If I give you a map, could I not repay your money?Liubei: En…….you know so much about affairs, are you willing to create a new country together with us?ZhuGeliang: But I can’t help you, I have accustom the life at present.Liubei: If you don’t help me , the citizen will live a harder life , please don’t refuse. ZhuGeliang: En……sorry, I can’t. Because my wife forces me to pass the CET-6 recently. If you can help me to resolve the problem, I will help you.Liu: En…..Zhangfei: (Pull) Brother, come here. Everything is fake now such as the milk. Why can’t we find somebody help us do the test or buy a key ?Guanyu: Yes! We can overdraft our salary from Caocao to buy the key at first.SCENE 6: ZhuGeliang’s HomeActors: Wife KeeperAside: Because the salary has been given to zhugeliang to buy the key, Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei have been starving for one month.Keeper：（Happy）Sir , you are really a god . CET6 has got 600 scores. Be really to startle the universe and move the gods.Wife：What happened? 600 scores? Oh! Do not shoulder your several years studying at a cold window; Do not shoulder my night holding candle accompanying you. After your Master graduates, happy life will approach. Cars, house, money!SCENE 7: Outside ZhuGeliang’s houseAside: After receiving the master degree, ZhuGeliang will go to work with Liubei to establish a new Kingdom.So the couples apart.Actors: ZhuGeliang Wife Liubei Guanyu ZhangfeiWife：Honey!ZhuGeliang：Darling!Wife：Excellent man have a long-range ambition. You should put cause above everything else , are sure not to miss me.ZhuGeliang：I will have a long journey .Please take care of yourself.(Turn around) Don’t worried, never miss you!!(Run)ZhuGeliang：(To Liubei)Your Majesty, I will never forget your favour. I should be loyal and devoted to the last.Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei: Let' go!!!!!Aside: The three men go down to the hill. That is the end of the whole story. Thank you for your attention.本文来自: 教客网剧本大全(/xiaopin/index.html) 详细出处参考：/xiaopin/xiaopin_269965.html。

4人英语短剧剧本.doc--大话西游4人英语短剧剧本[搞笑版大话西游]Three Times’ Beating Monster人物：T唐僧〔郭伟〕 S：孙悟空〔邹婷〕 E：猪八戒和N：哪吒〔肖细敏〕B：白骨精 B1：B变成的村姑 B2：B变成的太婆 B3：B变化成的老头〔钟慧〕T: Emitofo, do you know where we are now?S: Bajie, map!E: Could you speak to me with a good attitude？Anyway, I was supreme marshal! (一丝得意)S: supreme marshal？〔先假装奉承的笑，继而强势的说〕 It is impossible forever! (八戒不开心不情愿的摸出，递给S)S: Look, master (凑近T)………〔T、S一齐转向E〕T: Bajie! How Many times I have told you, not to bring these pictures of beautiful girls with you!E: Oh, master! Forgive me，I’ll bring the map to you soon !(伸手拿回)T: (缩手)No, I’ll keep it for you until we reach the west.E: But……T: Emitofo, nothing is lust, lust is nothing! Map?E: (递)Here.Em…… We have arrived in White Tiger Mountain! It is said there is a monster called white bone.B: Yes, I’m Miss White. I’m living in the mountain at all times. Everyone called me monster even if I don’t like it. As everyone knows, if someone eats Tangseng’s meat, he would be never getting old. Now I hear that he will pass by, this is a good opportunity to eat him.Ha ha ha……E: Ah I can’t walk on any more! (坐)My stomach doesn’t allow So.S: Fat Pig! A lustful and lazy fat pig!E: Monkey, if you dare to say these two words once again, I will, I will……….S: You will what? You can what? (凶相)E: I will…〔很不怕的样子，继而一下子软弱下来〕 help you catch fleas.S: Hum! As I expected，you are just a timid fat pig.T:〔轻咳〕Wukong,factually,I am a bit hungry. Could you go to get me some food?E: You see, I’m not the only one who is hungry, master is hungry, too!T: Baijie! Don’t forget who ate my last meal! (八戒羞愧的表情)E: Oh! Master, There is a problem. If a monster comes while brother monkey is away…..T: Em…….It is a problem.Wukong, do you have any idea?S: No problem! I already had the solution (安装)〔B已躲在一旁偷看〕E: This is…?S: Electric net! I have learnt the energy of electricity from mast er’s books. So I made this. No monster can approach you if you stay in it!T: Em……Wukong, you are becoming more and more scientific! Emitofo, knowledge is power!S: Bajie! Remember not to let stranger in. Bye! (走)E: OK! Brother Monkey, take more things to eat. Bye!B: Hm! Hm! Electric net? You want to use it against me? You are too childish.En… I need a way to deal with it.E: (转身对师傅说)Monster, we can’t go out until brother monkey come back. So we should do something to kill time?T: Let’s play cards!E: Great! I like to play cards very much! (二人开始打牌)音乐?斗地主?T: I will(悲伤). (气愤)Wukong! What have you done?! She is my teacher!S: She is a monster!T: Nonsense! (深呼吸)S: Oh, please don’t……T: It’s too late! (唱)Once more……You open the door… (泰坦尼克主题曲，走音离谱)S: Please, Please, oh, no…… (痛苦抱头)T: (呛住，咳)Wukong,I’m disappointed with you!B: (真身出现)Hm!Sun Wukong, you think you are invincible; I’ll teach you a lesson and let you know what wisdom is! (变成太婆)B2: Dear, where are you? Dear! Excuse me, have you seen my daughter?T: Daughter?... (连忙挡住地尸体)No, sorry! I haven’t seen anyone. (陪笑，B2想看后面是什么，T挡)S: 〔咬牙切齿〕You monster, I’ll beat you into hell!(S追打B2,B2躲至T身后，S打，不想打到T头，T晕，S再打死B2)E: Are you Ok, master? (扶T) Look,(伸食指)how many?T: Two… (晕乎乎地)Sun Wukong, game is over!(变成B3)B3: (看到B1,B2尸体)Hello! My wife and daughter are missing. I can’t find them.Oh… my daughter, my wife! Who did it?!!(哭喊)E: he… (指着孙悟空)B3: You?! Why kill my wife? Why kill my daughter? I will kill you!!!(冲向孙)S: Kill me?! It’s too ridiculous. I’ll kill yo u, monster! (打)T: 〔想阻止，未及〕You, you.....(险些晕，E扶住 )You have killed three lives!S: No, they are not human beings! They are created by monster!T: Monster? You are a real monster! Never let me see you, go!!S: You will regret. (悲，离去)〔音乐，营造“假〞悲伤气氛〕?人鬼情未了?E: Master, brother Monkey is.......T: Scratch! Don't mention that guy any more!B: (出现) Ha,ha,ha! I can eat the meat of Tang seng.I’ll live forever. (三尸体B1,B2,B3在B招手后“飘〞走)T: 〔惊〕You are......B: I’m a monster, Sun Wukong is right. How foolish you are, Mr Tang! (E去阻斗，被击退)(抓住T)I'll enjoy your meat and blood,ha,ha......S: (悄悄走到B后，打B,B晕)A thousand years later.T: Wukong?E: Oh, Brother Monkey! Our hero is back!T: I, I can't understand......What happened?S: Master, your IQ needs increasing! This monster changed its appearance into three shapes in order to cheat you!T: How, how did you find out?S: (沉默).......Monkey's intuition(直觉)N: Excuse me, where is the criminal?S; Ah......you are too late, Nezha! (对T)I've called the police.N: (摇醒B)You are under arrest .(出示证件)You have the right to remain silent If you give up the right, anything you will say can and will be against you in a court of law!B: hey…Unexpectedly, I failed. Sun Wukong is really a clever monkey. (带走B)T: Wukong(S不理T)I admit my mistake this time(S仍不理)I'm sorry(小声)S: What?T: I'm sorry.S: Em? Louder, please?T: I......am......sorry.....(S 捂耳) 〔音乐响〕?敢问路在何方?〔这个放伴奏〕B: Let's go guys! ( 歌)S: You are carrying the luggage, I am leading the horse.E: Say goodbye to the sun, Welcome evening glow.B: Sleeping on the ground, again we set out set out, again we set out.T.S.E.B: Ah......Ah...... Sleeping on the ground again we set out.T: One after the other the seasons go by and one after the other, the year go on. You wonder where the road is. The road is under your feet.T.S.E.B: You under where the road is, the road is under your feet......。