美剧Boston Legal波士顿法律第2季第10集剧本(英语)

Boston LegalIt Girls and BeyondSeason 1, Episode 13Written by Jonathan Shapiro and David E. Kelley© 2005 David E. Kelley Productions. All Rights Reserved.Broadcast: January 23, 2005Transcribed by Imamess of JSMP for JSMP and At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, Lori Colson is in her office. Brad Chase is with her.Lori Colson: The trial starts tomorrow?Brad Chase: I can bring you up to speed on it. The facts are straight forward.Lori Colson: And why can’t Tara do it?Brad Chase: Well… Tara’s a junior associate. This trial’s gonna to be in the news, it’s hardly the kind of case that…Lori Colson: Brad! It isn’t the case so much as it is the client? Right? And it isn’t who she is, so much as what she is, right? What is she Brad? He doesn’t answer. Can’t you even say the word?Brad Chase: I can say it.Lori Colson: Well, what is she Brad?Brad Chase: She’s a… homosexual.Lori Colson: And what’s the word for a female homosexual?Brad Chase: Lesbian.Lori Colson: I couldn’t really hear that.Brad Chase: She’s a lesbian.Lori Colson: Hah! You don’t wanna do the case because your client’s a lesbian? Brad Chase: Lori, this is a high profile case. I’ve worked my entire life to associate with decency and what is good for America.Lori Colson: And lesbians are bad for America?Brad Chase: They have bad values. Reflects poorly on all of us.Lori Colson: As a nation? He sighs. Now would you like to tell me the real reason? Brad Chase: What do you mean?Lori Colson: I know for a fact you’ve represented gay clients before.Brad Chase: Not on television. Not in the news.Lori Colson: Brad, we’re friends. Level with me. What is it about this particular lesbian?Brad Chase: I’m attracted to her.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, at the morning staff meeting in the conference. Alan Shore: Why does Shirley get to skip the staff meetings?Paul Lewiston: She’s got a trial in New York later this week so she has a busy day. Brad Chase: Some of us have trials today, so if you don’t mind, I’d like to cut out. Lori Colson: What’s your case about, Brad?Alan Shore: What is it about?Brad Chase: It involves interference with contractual relations.Alan Shore: You mean… lesbians?Paul Lewiston: Where are you?Brad Chase: Today they’re calling Tracy to testify that her ex-lover was…Alan Shore: Lesbian, ex-lover.Brad Chase: ... to testify that Tracy was scamming her for money. Tracy was in fact not an actual bonified…Alan Shore: Lesbian?Brad Chase: You like saying it?Alan Shore: I do.Brad Chase: Say it again!Alan Shore: Lesbian.Brad Chase: Keep going.Alan Shore: Lesbian. Lesbian. Lesbian. All together now!All: Lesbian!Alan Shore: I also like to watch. How many people have…Paul Lewiston: All right, that’s enough, this is a staff meeting. I’ll ask you all to conduct yourselves appropriately and professionally.Catherine Piper: She comes in with a plate of cookies. Cookies everyone! Nourishment is most important in the morning.Paul Lewiston: Who is this woman?Catherine Piper: Take two Tara, you’re a rail.Paul Lewiston: Who is this woman?Catherine Piper: The ones on the left have a little bran. To help our older lawyers with their routine.Paul Lewiston: Who is this woman?Catherine Piper: I’m Catherine Piper. I’m Alan’s new assistant. My! Don’t you have an interesting face?Paul Lewiston: We are in the middle of a staff meeting.Catherine Piper: No need to be snippy, Dear. Especially since I come bearing treats. You never get a second chance to make a first impression. To Lori. You certainly make one. All that bleach.Paul Lewiston: Ma’m? You will have to leave.Catherine Piper: I’m beginning to not like you.Denny Crane: Well! If you’ll excuse me, I have a trial myself.Paul Lewiston: You have a trial?Denny Crane: Yes, tomorrow morning. I’ve gotta go meet with my client.Paul Lewiston: What kind of trial?Denny Crane: Criminal. It’s a doctor who did… something… against the law.Paul Lewiston: Who else is with you on this trial?Denny Crane: Nobody. I decided to fly solo. Think about that! Tell Shirley. Denny Crane without a co-pilot.Paul Lewiston: Dear God in heaven.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, in the men’s room. Alan comes out of a stall to find Shirley leaning against the counter, waiting for him.Alan Shore: Shirley?Shirley Schmidt: Alan?Alan Shore: You’re in the men’s room again.Shirley Schmidt: I need a favor.Alan Shore: Certainly. My stall or yours?Shirley Schmidt: Driving into work this morning, I heard of a trial involving this new wonder diet drug… the drug, and accordingly the trial, are making the news. And then I heard something very disturbing. The name of the lawyer handling the defense.Alan Shore: Denny Crane.Shirley Schmidt: Nobody wants this firm held up to ridicule. Nobody wants Denny exposed.Alan Shore: I’ve been in court with Denny. He knows what he’s doing, at least fifty percent of the time.Shirley Schmidt: I like him. You like him. I have to be in New York.Denny Crane: He comes in.If she tries to pee standing up come and get me. He goes into a stall. Lock and Load.At the courthouse, Brad, Tracy Green and Tara Wilson are walking down the corridor.Tara Wilson: Tracy, we can still make this go away.Tracy Green: How many times must you both say that?Brad Chase: Until you consider it. Are you sure you want your personal life probed, with details at 11:00?Tracy Green: I didn’t steal from her. And I won’t offer her anything to settle. I’d appreciate you being on my side.Brad Chase: Hey! I’m on your side.Tracy Green: Right.In Judge William Connolly’s courtroom Stephanie Rogers is in the witness chair.Stephanie Rogers: We met at an AIDs fundraiser about two years ago. We were both publicists so we had a lot in common.Attorney Morrison: And at some point, Ms Rogers, you and the defendant became lovers?Stephanie Rogers: Yes. She moved into my home, ultimately we became business partners and formed Rogers and Green, which became one of the top PR firms in Boston.Attorney Morrison: And what happened?Stephanie Rogers: Well, quite simply, after she gained access to my files and my clients she stole them.Brad Chase: Objection!Judge William Connolly: Sustained.Stephanie Rogers: I since learned that she’s not even gay, that she basically pretended to be so that she could gain access to my client roster.Attorney Morrison: Now Ms Rogers, when you allege that the defendant pretended to be gay…Stephanie Rogers: She had boyfriends before me and one after, perhaps that makes her bisexual, it doesn’t make any difference, because I specifically asked her that at the beginning of our relationship.Attorney Morrison: Whether she was bisexual?Stephanie Rogers: Yes. I’d been hurt before by heterosexual women experimenting, and I didn’t wanna go down that road again. She told me she was gay. That was a lie, one that cost me valuable clients.Brad Chase: Just let me understand this. The bases of your claim is that my client faked her sexual orientation for the sole purpose of getting you to fall in love with her so that she could move into your home… and business and steal your clients? Stephanie Rogers: Yes!Brad Chase: When in fact it wasn’t only your business. You built it up together over the two years.Stephanie Rogers: I founded the company, and most of the clients that she left with were mine.Brad Chase: Now Ms Rogers, as business partners, as a couple, you two were quite prominent. Isn’t that right? Your photos were constantly in the Globe or Boston magazine being called the new IT Girls. You two got more publicity than your clients.Stephanie Rogers: It works to the client’s benefit as well, so I don’t see your point. Brad Chase: My point is you two got a lot of publicity together, as a couple, business just went through the roof. Even if you were defrauded, it wasn’t exactly to your financial detriment.Stephanie Rogers: It was certainly to my detriment, when she left.Brad Chase: Well, but even so. You make more money now than you did before even meeting Tracy, so how could you have been hurt?Stephanie Rogers: How have I been hurt? She caused me to fall in love with her! That…Brad Chase: That’s what this really about. Isn’t it Ms Rogers? This isn’t a business dispute. This is a domestic one. Did she break your heart?Attorney Morrison: Objection!Judge William Connolly: I’ll allow it.Brad Chase: Did she break your heart?Stephanie Rogers: Yes.Brad Chase: You were in love with her? Now Ms Rogers, during the two years that you were together with my client, do you feel that she was in love with you? Stephanie Rogers: Yes.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, in Denny’s office. Denny is with a client, Dr Robert Mclean.Dr Robert Mclean: Obviously should I get a criminal conviction that will only make it easier for AMA to take a way my medical license.Brad Chase: Well, you’re gonna lose your license Bob, so I won’t worry about…Dr Robert McLean: Why? There are many doctors out there prescribing medication the FDA hasn’t approved for…Denny Crane: May I stop you? Don’t be self-righteous. It’s annoying.Alan Shore: He comes in.Sorry I’m late.Denny Crane: What are you doing here?Alan Shore: You asked me to second-chair, Denny. Remember? To Dr Mclean. Alan Shore.Dr Robert McLean: He shakes Alan’s hand.Bob McLean.Denny Crane: Alan? He waves Alan into another room. I never asked you to second-chair.Alan Shore: Sure you did, Denny! You said you were trying the case…Denny Crane: Solo! I said, “Solo!”Alan Shore: Well I thought you asked for backup, so I guess one of us is losing our mind.Denny Crane: What do you mean by that?Alan Shore: Denny, I’m here! As you know I’m starved for criminal work.Denny Crane: I want to do this alone.Alan Shore: Is this about proving something? You said, “Tell Shirley.” Is about proving to Shirley Schmidt you haven’t slipped?Denny Crane: Excuse me. I’m in a meeting.Alan Shore: Denny, I don’t have time to say this nicely. So! I’m just gonna say it with all the rough edges. This is a criminal proceeding; that man’s liberty could be at stake. I’m jumping in, second-chair, to cover his ass, and yes, possibly yours as well.In a bar, Brad and Tracy are having a drink.Brad Chase: Could it be possible she’s doing this for the publicity?Tracy Green: Suing me?Brad Chase: Well, call me a cynic, but for two years you’re the IT girls. You’re Boston’s top publicists. Business starts to wane. You leave. She’s suddenly not the flavor of the month. She sues you. Presto! Hot copy is the Split Girls all over again. For the cost of attorney and filing fee she’s featured on every newscast.Tracy Green: As much as she love’s the limelight, Stephanie’s honorable.Brad Chase: Yeah, I wonder.Tracy Green: Is there a reason you keep looking at me like that?Brad Chase: Like what?Tracy Green: I make you nervous. You need to get over that.Brad Chase: So how many men have you been with?Tracy Green: Why are you asking?At Crane, Poole and Schmidt in the kitchen. Lori and Brad are having a cup of coffee.Brad Chase: I asked her because she’s going to be asked on the stand why she has such a hard time giving me a straight answer. However…Lori Colson: Is because?Brad Chase: I have doubts that she really is one.Lori Colson: A homosexual?Brad Chase: Yes.Brad Chase: And are these doubts based on the plaintiff’s evidence? Or your own scientific compass?Lori Colson: Is she attracted to you, Brad?Brad Chase: She might be. Lori chuckles. What?Lori Colson: Why is it men…? I mean is it the idea of losing one to the other side, or is it since you have feeling for her you’re anxious to feel it’s mutual?Brad Chase: You see? You sucker me with this buddy talk; get me to reveal my feelings. But when I do… you punish me with them.Lori Colson: I thought you were attracted to me.Brad Chase: You don’t wanna go there.Lori Colson: Even so. To be forgotten so easily. And for a homosexual?Brad Chase: Is there something taped to my head that says, “Mock me.”? Catherine Piper: She comes in and goes to get a cup of coffee.Isn’t coffee a lovely drug? I love brain stimulants, don’t you? Uh, Catherine Piper!Brad Chase: Brad Chase.Catherine Piper: Brad Chase? You’re defending a lesbian!Brad doesn’t reply. He just leaves.Lori Colson: Hi! I’m Lori Colson, we haven’t officially met.Catherine Piper: Hello, Dear. Catherine Piper.Lori Colson: For the future. I don’t really appreciate comments about my hair. Catherine Piper: Oh! I’m sorry. I was just trying to make conversation. And I assumed you wouldn’t want me to go anywhere near your eyebrows.In Judge Paul Resnick’s courtroom, Mark Harrison is on the stand.Mark Harrison: I tried diets. All of them. I exercised. I’d gone on Phen Phen years ago, and that helped a little, but… mainly I just kept gettin bigger.A.D.A. Howard Zale: And at some point the defendant mentioned a new drug? Mark Harrison: Yes. I forgot how he said he had access to it, but, basically he said he had this new drug, not on the market yet, called Vermonaband, and studies showed, how, it could help people lose weight. And desperate as I was, I just said, “Yes.”A.D.A. Howard Zale: He sold you this drug? In his office?Mark Harrison: Yes. And he told me not to tell anyone, because he said it was illegal for him to be giving it to me.A.D.A. Howard Zale: Thank you, Mr Harrison.Denny Crane: Can’t help but notice, you’re really fat.Mark Harrison: Yes.Denny Crane: Been fatter?Mark Harrison: Much.Denny Crane: Drug worked?Mark Harrison: Huge! I mean I lost weight. My cholesterol went down. My HDL actually went up!Denny Crane: HmMark Harrison: I mean it was a godsend. Of course, till the… you know, police cut off my supplier.Alan Shore: Objection to the word ‘supplier’, Your Honor. It makes my client sound like a drug dealer.Denny Crane: Well he is a drug dealer, he sold him drugs.Alan Shore: Yes! But there’s a bias that goes with the word ‘dealer’. He simply prescribed a medicine to help him live.Denny Crane: He’s right.Alan Shore: This man almost died. Didn’t he?Denny Crane: Didn’t you?Mark Harrison: I had high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes. I mean, I was at serious risk for a major heart attack or a stroke, probably still am.Denny Crane: Since you stopped taking the drug?Mark Harrison: I’m having problems again.Denny Crane: Did my client tell you that this drug is unapproved by the FDA?Mark Harrison: Yes.Denny Crane: Did he tell you that there could be side affects?Mark Harrison: Yes.Denny Crane: You were fully informed?Mark Harrison: I was.Denny Crane: You consented?Mark Harrison: I did.Denny Crane: Take it again?Mark Harrison: Absolutely!Denny Crane: Like the doctor?Mark Harrison: Love him.Denny Crane: How’s your memory.Mark Harrison: My memory’s fine.Denny Crane: What’s my name.Mark Harrison: Denny Crane.Denny Crane: Like you mean it.Mark Harrison: Denny Crane!Denny Crane: What’s my name?!!Mark Harrison: Denny Crane!!!Denny Crane: No further questions.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, in Brad office. He and Tracy are watching a newscast.Newsperson: Stephanie Rogers is essentially accusing Ms Green of being a heterosexual in sheep’s clothing. If successful the plaintiff could potentially receive a judgment in excess of seven figures. Which why perhaps this…Tracy Green: Wait, she wasn’t finished!Brad Chase: It doesn’t matter how it’s playing out in public Tracy. What matters is the twelve people in that box.Tracy Green: And?Brad Chase: I can’t tell. Well you’ve dated more men than women, so that puts you on the heterosexual side of the fence. You certainly could have been confused as they said, but... the problem is you’re coming off as anything but indecisive. You seem like a woman who knows exactly what you want.Tracy Green: What is that supposed to mean?Brad Chase: Nothing.Tracy Green: They stare at each other.You actually think that I’m attracted to you. Brad Chase: I just believe you should be straight with people. But you know what I mean. I smell some decent here.Tracy Green: I’m gay, Brad. Do you want me to take a lie detector?In Judge Paul Resnick’s courtroom, Dr Leonard Raskin is on the stand.Dr.Leonard Raskin: People lament the cost of health care, they cry over soaring litigation costs and scream about the eroding integrity of our medical profession. The conduct of this doctor and others like him are to blame.Denny Crane: Oh… Lighten up man.Judge Paul Resnick: Mr Crane! You’ll get your turn.Dr Leonard Raskin: We have rules. One is we do not go prescribing experimental drugs that the FDA hasn’t approved for market.A.D.A. Howard Zale: Even if the patient consents?Dr Leonard Raskin: The patient will always follow the lead of his doctor. For God’s sake look what people buy off infomercials. They’ll try anything, hair potions; pills that make you lose weight while you sleep. Desperate people will try anything. And when you have a licensed doctor saying, “Here. Take this.”? They will.Denny Crane: This isn’t a potion. This drug works.Dr Leonard Raskin: In preliminary studies. But there’s much, much, more testing to be done.Denny Crane: How long does it take the FDA to approve a drug?Dr Leonard Raskin: It isn’t quick, but…Denny Crane: How long?Dr Leonard Raskin: Nine years.Denny Crane: My client’s patient would be dead by then. But, hey! You got your rules.A.D.A. Howard Zale: Objection!Denny Crane: Oh be quiet.A.D.A. Howard Zale: Your Honor, he can’t tell me to be quiet.Judge Paul Resnick: Let him have his turn, Mr Zale.Denny Crane: You say that doctors shouldn’t prescribe non-FDA-approved drugs as a rule.Dr Leonard Raskin: Yes.Denny Crane: Doctors don’t prescribe medications for things that the FDA hasn’t approved them for?Dr Leonard Raskin: Off label prescriptions happen, but…Denny Crane: Doctor, have you ever prescribed a drug that wasn’t approved for the particular condition you were treating?Dr Leonard Raskin: Yes, but…Denny Crane: And doctor, if you were overweight, and at risk for an eminent stroke or heart attack. Is it your testimony that you would never consider taking Vermonaband?Dr Leonard Raskin: For myself, I might, but...Denny Crane: But, you wouldn’t give your patient the same opportunity, because you have rules.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, Lori is in her office, Brad is with her.Lori Colson: You’re going to be the first lawyer sued by his client for sexual harassment.Brad Chase: I’m a good lawyer because I got a nose for the truth, Lori.Lori Colson: You’re attracted to her, Brad. It’s clouding your nose. Are you falling in love with this woman?Brad Chase: What? Please.Lori Colson: Are you?Brad Chase: Of course not. I put a tail on her.Lori Colson: I beg your pardon?Brad Chase: I hired a PI, just to follow her around, see who she sees.Lori Colson: What she sees. You’re trying to out her as a heterosexual.Brad Chase: I don’t like surprises in court.Lori Colson: Okay. First? You could lose your bar ticket for putting a tail…Brad Chase: Why? It’s not that big of a deal.Lori Colson: Brad! She’s your client! Second, let the jury decide whether or not she’s being truthful. You just be her lawyer, and only… And third, stop hitting on her.Brad leaves and walks out. Out in the corridor he walks by a group of people standing around a table.Alan Shore: Hey Brad? All together now!All: Lesbian!Shirley comes up.Shirley Schmidt: Boy? How’s our trial going?Denny Crane: You think I’m just gonna wither up and die in there, don’t you? Shirley Schmidt: All these references to our sex life, Denny.Denny Crane: Tell her how I’m doing, Alan.Shirley Schmidt: Please. Since he can’t recall.Alan Shore: He’s been amazing! I’d say we have a better than even chance. Denny Crane: Ah. He and Alan leave.Shirley Schmidt: To Catherine Piper standing next to her.Hello?Catherine Piper: Hello.Shirley Schmidt: Is there a reason you’re snuggled up to me?Catherine Piper: Why yes! I understand you’re the boss, Dear. I’m sucking up. Shirley Schmidt: By standing next to me?Catherine Piper: Yes! With me by your side, Dear, you almost look young!Shirley Schmidt: I have no idea who you are. But I like you.Catherine Piper: He-he-he.Shirley Schmidt: To Alan walking by.Is he really doing okay?Alan Shore: The firm is safe from ridicule.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, Alan is in his office.Denny Crane: He comes in.What did she want? Make sure I’m competent?Alan Shore: Something like that. You were more that competent today Denny, you were good, very good.Denny Crane: I know.Alan Shore: We must be doing our crosswords these days.Denny Crane: Did she ask you to backstop me?Alan Shore: It was my idea.Denny Crane: Damn liar.Alan Shore: I like doing cases with you Denny. Can’t you just accept that? It’s fun. Denny Crane: Fun. Fine. I’ll go with that then.Alan Shore: You have seemed especially acute. Are we taking something?Denny Crane: I just rubbed on a little clear cream. It was just for muscle cramps. Alan Shore: Denny? Are you taking something?Denny Crane: What I’m taking is good care of myself. The old Denny Crane is coming back.In Judge William Connolly’s courtroom.Tracy Green: My business had reached sort of a plateau, and I felt I could do better solo. And truthfully, I thought that she might to.Brad Chase: Now before leaving, did you tell your clients?Tracy Green: Absolutely not! I left. I contacted them. They decided to come with me. In that order.Brad Chase: Now Tracy, we’ve heard the accusation that you pretended to love Stephanie for business reasons.Tracy Green: It’s absolutely false. I… I fell in love with her. I mean, the idea that I could feign love for two plus years… just… you know how much I loved you, Stephanie.Judge William Connolly: Ms Green, please do not address anyone but me or your council.Tracy Green: I never lied to her about my sexual orientation, and I’m offended by that.Attorney Morrison: How many women had you been with prior to your relationship with my client.Brad Chase: Objection!Judge William Connolly: Overruled. However salacious, it’s in issue.Attorney Morrison: How many women?Tracy Green: One.Attorney Morrison: One? And prior to your relationship with my client, how many men had you had sexual relationships with?Tracy Green: Several.Attorney Morrison: Several? More than five?Tracy Green: Yes.Attorney Morrison: More than ten?Tracy Green: I wanted to lead a heterosexual life, eventually I realized…Attorney Morrison: My client asked you if you were bisexual. You answered, “No.” Tracy Green: Because I’m not. I may have been with men in the past but ultimately I realized I preferred women.Attorney Morrison: How many relationships have you had since Stephanie?Tracy Green: One.Attorney Morrison: A man or a woman.Tracy Green: Well, the breakup with Stephanie was extremely painful…Attorney Morrison: Your subsequent relationship was with a man or a woman? Tracy Green: A man.Attorney Morrison: A man? Now you spoke earlier about the exact order of how things went down. Rewinding a little further back, you met Stephanie,.became her lover, eventually became her business partner, left with clients and files, began having an affair with a man. Did I get the order right?At the courthouse, Tracy and Brad go into a witness room.Tracy Green: I just got destroyed. Didn’t I?Brad Chase: You didn’t get destroyed. It was a tough cross but I thought you held up.Tracy Green: Really?Brad Chase: Really.Tracy Green: You know, to think that I’m straight is to believe that I’m a profoundly dishonest person, and I’m not dishonest, Brad.Brad Chase: Okay.Tracy Green: You know, I can take you doubting my sexual orientation, but my character, I uh…Brad Chase: I don’t doubt you.Brad and Tara are in an elevator.Brad Chase: She’s trying to admit something.Tara Wilson: What? That she’s not gay?Brad Chase: I don know. Maybe.Tara Wilson: You’re making a fool of yourself, Brad.Brad Chase: I know when I’m being deceived, Tara.Tara Wilson: The deception is self-inflicted. You’re infatuated with her and you want to believe it’s reciprocal. She’s probably more interested in me, than you. You’re making a fool of yourself.In Judge Paul Resnick’s courtroom.Dr Robert Mclean: I considered it life or death. He was at risk of cardiac arrest, diabetes.Denny Crane: And this drug was your only resort?Dr Robert Mclean: It was my last resort. Believe me, I’m not in the habit of prescribing non-approved drugs, but this…Denny Crane: Doctor, would you tell the jury, and me to, for that matter cause I’ve forgotten, how Veromanabin works?Dr Robert Mclean: I suppresses a protein in the brain that makes you want to eat. In fact this drug blocks nearly all cravings. It can be used to help people quit smoking, drinking, which is why it’s been called the wonder drug.A.D.A. Howard Zale: So! You just figured what the hell, why wait for proof?Dr Robert Mclean: My patient couldn’t wait Mr Zale. He was looking at an eminent physical demise. In medical terms we call it death.A.D.A. Howard Zale: Any published studies on this drug? To justify this wonder status you give it?Dr Robert Mclean: Not yet.A.D.A. Howard Zale: Has this drug been approved for sale?Dr Robert Mclean: Not yet.A.D.A. Howard Zale: How’d you get your hands on this drug doctor?Dr Robert Mclean: I had a connection at one of the clinics where it’s being tested. I won’t reveal more than that.A.D.A. Howard Zale: You’re a licensed doctor, prescribing a drug not approved by the FDA, to desperate patients.Dr Robert Mclean: With a full warning.A.D.A. Howard Zale: How can warn about a drug side affect you don’t know about? Dr Robert Mclean: The warning I gave Mr Harrison was exactly that! This drug may have side affects we don’t know about.A.D.A. Howard Zale: Possible fatal side effects?Dr Robert Mclean: There’s no evidence of that.A.D.A. Howard Zale: So you decide…Dr Robert Mclean: Balancing the benefits against the known risks of a coronary if he doesn’t take it, I favor taking the medication.A.D.A. Howard Zale: This is an experimental drug!Dr Robert Mclean: Which I have no financial in.A.D.A. Howard Zale: Which you boot leg!Dr Robert Mclean: My only concern was a patient’s health.A.D.A. Howard Zale: So! Doctor’s should feel free to ignore the FDA whenever they choose?Dr Robert Mclean: I never said that.A.D.A. Howard Zale: Oh, so you should feel free whenever you choose?Dr Robert Mclean: Sometimes desperate circumstances require desperate measures.A.D.A. Howard Zale: And desperate people will do anything, won’t they?At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, in the men’s room, Denny is standing in front of a urinal.Paul Lewiston: He comes in.Denny?Denny Crane: You’re checking on me in here too? Think I’ve forgotten how to piss? Paul Lewiston: I beg your pardon?Denny Crane: Tired of being followed around like some patient! I change my underwear every day. I know how to practice law! And if you’re the one who assigned Alan Shore to backstop me then you’d better stop…Paul Lewiston: You’d listen!Denny Crane: I’m still talking.Paul Lewiston: Now I’m talking. You arrogant old fart! You have a client facing prison time. You have no right to exalt your ego.Denny Crane: Don’t you talk to me in that…Paul Lewiston: Shut up! I am sick of you feeling sorry for yourself and only yourself. It was selfish of you to try this case solo. Do not start a war with me here. You may not win it!Denny Crane: That’s why you brought Shirley back? To build an alliance! Guess you’re the one who forgot how to piss.In Judge William Connolly’s courtroom, Attorney Morrison is giving his closing argument.Attorney Morrison: Does it smell right to you? She had a history of men before my client; she never hinted to her best friends that she was anything but heterosexual; she had an affair with a man after she left my client. Her only fling with homosexuality just happened to coincide with the biggest financial windfall of her life. Suddenly being gay got her money. Got her profiled about town, in magazines, on TV as an IT girl. New found fame, new found money, new found sexual orientation. Does it smell right to you?Brad Chase: In order to make a Cause Of Action for fraud, one must prove that he or she relied on the fraud to his or her own detriment. Now after partnering with my client, Ms Roger’s financial and professional fortunes soared. She benefited. In fact one might even say, considering the media coverage of this lawsuit that she’s actually benefiting from the breakup because as any PR professional knows, there’s no such thing as bad publicity. But if you’re determined to get hung-up on the issue, “Is Tracy Green gay or not?”, “Did she really love Stephanie or not?” consider Stephanie’s own testimony when I asked her, during the relationship, as she was living it, did she feel that Tracy loved her, and she answered was, “Yes.”。

Boston LegalA Greater GoodSeason 1, Episode 9Written by Peter Ocko© 2004 David E. Kelley Productions. All Rights ReservedAirdate: December 12, 2004Transcribed by Sheri for [version updated June 14, 2006]Courtroom #1Mr. Milner: It is also my expert opinion that the document analysis is reliable as these handwriting samples are comparatively similar.Attorney: I see. Ah well, would you go into more depth . . .Lori Colson: I am so bored.Brad Chase: Shhh.Lori Colson: I need to get back to the office. I have so much work to do on the Meyers case.Mr. Milner: The sample provided on the top contains the same content as the original on the bottom. Namely, they are both the subject’s signature. No pun intended. chuckles Namely.Attorney: So, Mr. Millner, can we . . .Lori Colson: This is actually killing me. Part of me is dying.Brad Chase: Shhh.Bomber: I have a bomb.A chorus of gasps.Lori Colson: This is better.Bomber: Remember me, Judge? Fifteen to twenty for aggravated manslaughter? Well, I got out today. And you know what? I’m still aggravated!Brad Chase arises, and approaches Bomber.Bomber: Sit down.Brad Chase: Do you mind? We’re trying to conduct a trial here.Bomber runs over to the witness chair, and grabs Mr. Milner by the jacket.Bomber: Get over here!Mr. Milner whimpers.Bomber: D—did you hear me? I said I had a bomb!Brad Chase: No, you don’t. And here’s why. A—You said manslaughter, which means that you didn’t have the guts for murder one the first time around.Bomber: What?Brad Chase: B—If you’re clever enough to make that aggravation joke, you’re clever enough to know that threatening to have a bomb carries a much lesser sentence than actually wearing one. C—That coat is fairly svelte. And D—If you really had a bomb, you wouldn’t need to have a hostage. Would you?Bomber: I do have a bomb.Brad Chase: Come on. We’ve got two more expert witnesses to get through by lunch. To Mr. Milner: I’m assuming you could speed through your testimony just to keep up with our schedule.Mr. Milner: Uh, huh.Bomber: You sit down, or I’ll blow this thing!Brad Chase: You don’t have a bomb.Bomber: Yes, I do!Brad Chase: No, you don’t.Bomber: Yes, I do!Brad Chase: Prove it.Judge Morgan Baker: Mr. Chase, perhaps . . .Brad Chase: I was a hostage negotiator as a Marine. This man does not have a bomb.Bomber: I—I do too!Brad Chase: You’re interrupting, sir.Judge Morgan Baker: Mr. Chase . . .Brad Chase: Show me the bomb.Bomber: I’ll blow this thing.Judge Morgan Baker: Mr. Chase.Brad Chase: Show it to me. starts to walk toward BomberBomber: I’m not gonna show you.Brad Chase:now right in front of Bomber I didn’t think so.Bomber: Huh? Fine.Bomber opens his trench coat and reaches in, as Brad Chase slugs him, knocking him out cold. Judge arises to watch Brad Chase open the trench coat to reveal a large, home-made bomb strapped to his chest and abdomen. A chorus of gasps, including Judge Morgan Baker, who collapses into his chair. Brad Chase: What do you know?[credits]Denny Crane’s OfficeDenny Crane: What’s that thing?Alan Shore:wearing a Christmas tree star topper with multiple flashing light modes on his head It’s an ornament. Christmas tree ornament.Denny Crane: Can’t go to court like that.Alan Shore: Of course not. worried smile You okay, Denny.Denny Crane:sighs It’s this case. It seems like I’ve done nothing else but work on it for the last three weeks. Alan Shore: What in particular about the case is bothering you?Denny Crane: I don’t know what it’s about. I—it’s . . . well . . . If you, say, were going to briefly describe it to someone who was clueless, what would you say?Alan Shore: I’d say we represent a big drug company.Denny Crane: Yes. That’s the part I like.Alan Shore: Then, I’d say they’re being sued by a woman who claims she was wrongfully removed from the company’s clinical trial of a potent new diabetes medicine.Denny Crane: That’s where I lose track.Alan Shore: Special pills make woman happy. Company take pills away. Woman sue to get back on special pills.Denny Crane: Got it.Martin Jeffries:entering Denny.Denny Crane: Martin. Hey. shaking his hand Martin. You remember Alan Shore.Martin Jeffries turns to Alan Shore just in time to see the Christmas star blinking.Alan Shore: It’s an ornament. I head the office cheer committee.Martin Jeffries: Since I received no late-night call last night, I assume we didn’t settle.Denny Crane: We informed your in-house counsel.Martin Jeffries: I like to hear things from you. I feel I have a direct relationship with you.Denny Crane: We didn’t settle.Martin Jeffries: I don’t really understand this. Every legal opinion I’ve gotten says the merits fall one-sidedly in our favor.Alan Shore: Legal opinions only go to the law, Mr. Jeffries. I had opportunity to view the plaintiff’s videotaped deposition. She comes off as an extremely sympathetic and likable person.Martin Jeffries: And?Alan Shore: You don’t. Our fear, and the plaintiff’s hope is that the jury will like her and feel for her pain, and attempt to alleviate said pain with millions and millions of your dollars.Martin Jeffries: I was under the impression I hired attorneys who could employ reason and intellect to offset the emotion inuring to the plaintiff’s favor. Did I hire the wrong law firm, Mr. Shore?Alan Shore: Certainly not, sir. You’ve hired the best.Hallway of Crane Poole & SchmidtLori Colson: Paul. showing him a DVD-ROM The Meyers age discrimination case—we just got the DVD-ROM delivered. Sixty five hundred pages of McNamara documents. Every useless document they could dump on here.Paul Lewiston: Well, they’re probably not ready and this is meant to slow us down.Lori Colson: Right. And they want to force us to ask for a continuance because they know Judge Simmons won’t give them any.Paul Lewiston: Well, we won’t be asking for one. Uh, Miss Heep? Uh, Miss Wilson? We have a trial next week. Lori will fill you in. I want you to pore through this document. The likelihood is it contains nothing relevant but we can’t take any chances. Lori will tell you what to look for.Sally Heep: I’m sorry. Um, can you get somebody to take my place on this, please?Paul Lewiston: You have something else more pressing?Sally Heep: No, but I prefer not to work on this case.Paul Lewiston: Why not?Sally Heep: It’s personal.Paul Lewiston: You are making it professional.Sally Heep: I’m—I’m—I’m just not—I—I—I’m uncomfortable working with Tara.Paul Lewiston: Because?Sally Heep: I used to sleep with Alan Shore, and now she does.Tara Wilson:pointing at Lori Colson And she wants to.Lori Colson: I do not!Lori Colson’s OfficeLori Colson opens the door and waves Tara Wilson in.Lori Colson: How dare you make a remark to one of the most senior partners of this firm that I want to sleep with another associate here? Even if I did want to sleep with Alan Shore, which I assure you I do not, but even if your remark was truthful, it would not make it any less inappropriate.Tara Wilson: You’re right. I apologize.Lori Colson: Do you bear some ill will towards me?Tara Wilson: No. I suppose I regressed to the childish defense that everybody else is doing it.Lori Colson: But I’m not doing it, Tara. I’m not sleeping with Mr. Shore, which you very well know.Tara Wilson: I only said you wanted to. And again, I apologize. My remark was, as you say, completely inappropriate, however accurate.Tara Wilson exits, Lori Colson mocking her last words as she leaves.Courtroom #2Marybeth Hewitt: I’ve had type II diabetes since I was 25. It’s been the same medicines pretty much the whole time.Atty. Greg Montero: And when you were invited to participate in a clinical trial of SV113, what did your daily regimen become?Marybeth Hewitt: I took one pill in the morning when I woke up.Atty. Greg Montero: That’s all?Marybeth Hewitt: That was it. I had more energy. I was even losing weight. And no more needles. It was a godsend, until they took it away.Atty. Greg Montero: And how did that happen?Marybeth Hewitt: My doctor told me that the company had kicked me off the test. He said that I had broken the rules of the trial, but I didn’t. I didn’t do anything wrong.Atty. Greg Montero: And after you were taken off the test?Marybeth Hewitt: My health deteriorated again rapidly.Atty. Greg Montero: Can you tell us your prognosis today?Marybeth Hewitt: I’m dying. I’ve got probably five to six years, unless something changes drastically.Alan Shore: What reason did the company give for removing you from the SV113 study?Marybeth Hewitt: Noncompliance. But I complied.Alan Shore: You’re a heavy smoker. Is that correct, Mrs. Hewitt?Marybeth Hewitt: I quit.Alan Shore: When did you quit, if I may ask?Marybeth Hewitt: A week before the study.Alan Shore: Just like that? Two packs a day, cold turkey?Marybeth Hewitt: My life depended on it.Alan Shore: Some of the doctors and clinicians, uh, smelled cigarette smoke on you during your exams. Marybeth Hewitt: My husband’s a chain smoker. It was his smoke they smelled on my clothes.Alan Shore: Amazing. You smoked two packs a day, you live with a chain smoker, and you’re able to just quit, cold turkey.Atty. Greg Montero: Objection.Judge Dale Wallace: Sustained.Alan Shore: Mrs. Hewitt, 177 million people in the world have diabetes. This drug study is the only way to get SV113—the drug you yourself called a godsend—approved for sale. 177 million people are counting on you to follow the rules, Mrs. Hewitt.Marybeth Hewitt: Which I did.Alan Shore: With the stakes being so enormously high, with some 70 thousand people dying every year from diabetes, with a desperate need to develop a drug that can save those lives, you realize how important it is for my client not to take any chances, don’t you?Marybeth Hewitt: I followed all the rules.Hallway of Crane Poole & SchmidtDenny Crane: All in all, I don’t think she hurt us.Alan Shore: She hurt us. I saw the jury. How badly she hurt us . . . Where’s our expert?Denny Crane: Should be waiting in the conference room.Alan Shore: I’ll meet you there.Denny Crane: Sally. May I offer you one little piece of advice?Sally Heep: Okay.Denny Crane: You’re an extremely beautiful young woman.Sally Heep: Thanks for the tip.Denny Crane: That’s not the advice. The advice is be on the ware of lecherous senior partners who are looking for the slightest excuse to plant a big wet one on you.Sally Heep: Excuse me?Denny Crane: They lurk. And when beautiful women such as yourself stand under the mistletoe . . .Sally Heep looks up at the mistletoe installed at the top of the doorway under which she is standing. Alan Shore:grabbing Denny Crane before he can make another move Let’s go meet our expert, Denny. Denny Crane: Mm, boy. I had the blood flow going.Alan Shore: No doubt.Conference Room at CP&SThere is a beautiful woman in high heels serving herself water while waiting.Denny Crane: Dr. Gerard?Dr. Amanda Gerard: Yes.Denny Crane: Denny Crane; single. Alan Shore.Dr. Amanda Gerard:holding out her hand to shake Alan Shore’s Hello.Alan Shore: Very nice to meet you.Alan Shore and Denny Crane nod at each other knowingly.Dr. Amanda Gerard: Well, should we get started?Alan Shore: We should. I’m afraid it’s gonna be a very long night. I’ll need to go over every inch of you with a fine-tooth comb. flustered I beg your pardon. Your testimony. I’ll need to go over your testimony with the comb.Dr. Amanda Gerard: Where are we going to do this?Denny Crane: Right here.And a little peacock fight breaks out, as the “boys” elbow each other behind their backs, until Dr. G looks at them. Then, they look rather well-behaved, and Alan Shore tucks his right hand into his jacket, the height of decorum, as usual, while Denny Crane smiles charmingly.The Buddha BarTara Wilson:talking on her cell phone It’s not my case, Renee. It’s Lori’s. I have no idea where she is. Hang on. To Brad Chase: Do you know where Lori is?Brad Chase: No. I gotta run. I got that dinner thing.Tara Wilson: Oh, go.Brad Chase: Need a ride anywhere?Tara Wilson: No, thanks. My car’s in the garage. All right, so what’s the big emergency? Well if you have him on the phone, then ask him.Atty. Barr:also talking on his cell phone I don’t want anything. I’m offering. Since we turned over that CD last second, we won’t oppose a continuance if you people want it.Tara Wilson: Say you need to page Lori, ask if she can call him later, and then get his cell phone number. Atty. Barr: Yeah, that’ll be great. My number’s (617) 555-0194. Thanks.Tara Wilson: Well, well, well.Atty. Barr: Can I get a beer?Tara Wilson takes her beer glass with her, walks toward AD Atty, and bumps into him, pouring the beer on him.Tara Wilson: Oh!Atty. Barr: Oh! Fantastic.Tara Wilson: Oh, I’m terribly sorry.Atty. Barr: It’s okay.Tara Wilson:helping him wipe the beer off his clothes How embarrassing. I’ll pay for the dry cleaning. I assure you.Atty. Barr: It’s okay, really.Tara Wilson smiles, laughing lightly.Conference Room at Crane Poole & SchmidtAlan Shore: So, besides Ms. Hewitt, there were 56 other people removed from the study?Dr. Amanda Gerard: For a drug of this magnitude, we have to be extremely cautious.Alan Shore: But what motivated your caution?Dr. Amanda Gerard looks evasive.Alan Shore: Please tell me it was more than a hunch. After all, these people do suffer from a crippling, life-threatening disease, Doctor.Dr. Amanda Gerard: As do I.Alan Shore: I’m very sorry.Dr. Amanda Gerard: I understand the promise of a drug like this on a very personal level, Mr. Shore. But if it endangers people . . .Alan Shore: How does it endanger people? How are these 57 people endangered by SV113? Fifty-seven—that’s an exceptionally large number of people to purge, isn’t it, Doctor? How were these people endangered? Dr. Amanda Gerard: They weren’t. Marybeth Hewitt and the 56 others were on a different drug. It was a slight variation from SV113 that we had only begun to investigate.Alan Shore: These people, they knew they were on this other drug?Dr. Amanda Gerard: No.Alan Shore: So you gave an experimental, unapproved drug to 57 people, and told them they were taking something else?Dr. Amanda Gerard: But as soon as we became aware of the side effects . . .Alan Shore: The headaches?Dr. Amanda Gerard:thinking before talking There was onset of acute liver damage at about 6 weeks. There was one prior subject who went first, and complications . . . Please don’t look at me as if . . .Alan Shore: What could possibly have impelled you to delude these people?Dr. Amanda Gerard: You can’t understand.Alan Shore scoffs.Dr. Amanda Gerard: It takes years to get a drug approved. And when you spend your life . . . I thought—the company thought that we had the next polio vaccine . . . or penicillin.Alan Shore: Except your penicillin turned out to be a poison.Dr. Amanda Gerard: But as soon as we discovered it, the company shut the study down. That’s why Mrs. Hewitt was taken off the drug she thinks was SV113—to prevent liver failure.Buddha BarAtty. Barr: So you’re a therapist?Tara Wilson:De facto therapist. I’m really a flight attendant. But everybody tells me their problems.Atty. Barr: Oh, do you solve them?Tara Wilson: I do, actually.Atty. Barr: Well, tell me mine.Tara Wilson: I’m sorry?Atty. Barr: My problem. What am I lamenting at this very moment?Tara Wilson: I’m embarrassed to say, actually.Atty. Barr: Uh, uh. I insist. Tell me.Tara Wilson: You’re wishing your girlfriend looked like me.Atty. Barr: Uh, keep going.Tara Wilson: You hate your job.Atty. Barr: Which is?Tara Wilson: I want to say accountant. But I’m gonna to say lawyer.Atty. Barr:rolling his eyes and laughing Oh.Tara Wilson laughs.Atty. Barr: Am—am I that obvious?Tara Wilson: I meet lawyers all the time. They fly a lot. They’re constantly in distress over all the horrible things they have to do for their horrible clients. What are you working on right now?Atty. Barr: A horrible case for a horrible client.Tara Wilson laughs.Atty. Barr: It’s, ah, age discrimination.Tara Wilson: Mm. Plaintiff or defense.Atty. Barr: Defense.Tara Wilson: Ooh, bad boy.Atty. Barr: Mm, hmm. Indeed.Tara Wilson laughs.Conference Room at Crane Poole & SchmidtDr. Amanda Gerard: Whistle-blower?Alan Shore: Yes. Now, there are all sorts of protections to avail yourself of, should you decide you . . .Dr. Amanda Gerard: Hold on a second. You’re advising a witness to turn state’s evidence against your own client?Alan Shore: I am.Dr. Amanda Gerard: Look. I was the one who pushed the study. I was the one who put those people on that drug.Alan Shore: And I suspect you were motivated by the drug’s promise, while your employer was motivated by greed.Dr. Amanda Gerard: Can’t you get disbarred for advising me to . . .Alan Shore: Undoubtedly. And should you lose your license, we could run off to Bali together and become bartenders.Dr. Amanda Gerard: My life is here, in medicine.Alan Shore: Yes. And you are in a unique position to remind your employer they, too, are in the business of medicine, not simply profit. You need to blow the whistle. And what’s more, you want to.Denny Crane’s OfficeDenny Crane is playing piano and singing “It’s a Holly Jolly Christmas.”Denny Crane: “It’s a holly jolly Christmas, best time of the year. I dunno if there’ll be snow, but have a cuppa cheer. It’s a holly jolly Christmas, and when you walk down the street, say hello to friends you know, and everyone you meet.” sees Alan entering Hey!Alan Shore: Denny?Denny Crane: Set to go?Alan Shore: What are you doing?Denny Crane: Oh, there’s an office Christmas party next week. I do a number. It’s good for morale. Helps get me laid. Are we off to court?Alan Shore: Actually, I have a feeling court won’t be going forward today.Denny Crane: What do you mean? Did something happen? Was I in the room when it happened?Alan Shore: It seems our client is guilty of a little noncompliance as well. The actual test that . . . We represent big drug company.Denny Crane: I’m with you.Alan Shore: Big drug company tell patients they take one pill while slipping them another.Denny Crane: You know this how?Alan Shore: Evidently, our expert witness comes armed not only with details but a conscience. She told me. I believe she plans to tell the F.D.A.Denny Crane: Ohh. Whistle-blower. comes around the piano to the couch on which Alan Shore is sitting Did you tell her to whistle-blow?Alan Shore: I might have mentioned it.Denny Crane: Do you know how much this client is worth to this firm and to me personally?Alan Shore: Nuts. I knew there was something I forgot to consider.Denny Crane: Where is this woman?Alan Shore: Hopefully with the U.S. Attorney by now.Assistant: Oh, I’m sorry, uh, Mr. Shore, there’s a Dr. Gerard waiting in reception.Denny Crane: Send her in.Alan Shore: That’s all right. I’ll go and greet her.Denny Crane: Send the woman in here.Alan Shore: Here’s good.Hallway of Crane Poole & SchmidtTara Wilson is exiting the elevator.Lori Colson: Oh, Tara. We have a pretrial conference set on McNamara at two. How are you and Sally doing with the stuff?Tara Wilson: Remember the document that said McNamara was incorporated in “nineteen efficiency-three”? We thought it was a typo?Lori Colson: Yeah.Tara Wilson: Well, code broken. They had a plan called the “Forty Factor,” which was designed to phase out workers who were 40 and older.Lori Colson: And replace them with younger employees who would cost the company less.Tara Wilson: Right. They actually described the plan in memoranda which were archived on the company’s hard drives.Lori Colson: Gotta love the hubris.Tara Wilson: But they then got nervous and did a search and replace to substitute the word “efficiency” for “forty.”Lori Colson: And “nineteen forty-three” became “nineteen efficiency-three.”Tara Wilson: Exactly.Lori Colson: How did you find this out?Tara Wilson: I had drinks with opposing counsel last night. Quite a talker.Lori Colson: Wait a second. He admitted this to you?Tara Wilson: Well, actually, he admitted it to a flight attendant. He didn’t know that I was an attorney for the other side.Lori Colson looks shocked.Tara Wilson: We’re not smiling. Why are we not smiling?Lori Colson: Tara, we can’t use this information.Tara Wilson: I beg your pardon?Lori Colson: You tricked another attorney into violating privilege. You can’t do that.Tara Wilson: Last week, you impersonated a doctor.Lori Colson: Uh! First, that was different. Second, the stakes were life and death.Tara Wilson: Lori!Lori Colson: And third, I was wrong. In retrospect, I would never do it again.Tara Wilson: Well, we have the information, Lori. So if it’s a matter of ethics, we absolutely have to tell the client that we have it.As Tara Wilson takes a bite out of her muffin and goes into her office, Lori Colson sighs, and walks away.Denny Crane’s OfficeDr. Amanda Gerard: I just don’t think I can do it.Alan Shore: Because?Dr. Amanda Gerard: Alan, these people have been very good to me for 10 years.Alan Shore: Now, by “people,” you mean these corporate people who jeopardize public health and safety on a massive scale in order to line their pockets?Dr. Amanda Gerard: They were convinced we had a possible cure based on my representations. I would as soon blow the whistle on myself rather than . . .Alan Shore: Do that then.Dr. Amanda Gerard: And what good would come of it? Really?Denny Crane: May I express a thought? I so rarely get one. And I should preface this by admitting that I’m so far up the ass of big business, I view the world as one giant colon. You’re right to prioritize loyalty, Doctor. Loyalties count for something.Alan Shore: Denny, please don’t . . .Denny Crane: I’m speaking, Alan. Doctors like science, right? They do the math. Well, do the math on whistle-blowing. Nice concept in theory. Appeals to the altruistic inner self and all that.Alan Shore starts to object.Denny Crane: But whistle-blowers end up penniless and ostracized. This thing’ll take years to get to court, while your life will be ruined tomorrow.Alan Shore: Denny, I . . .Denny Crane: And if Alan Shore suggests that you won’t get hurt far worse than your company, he’s lying. Paul Lewiston:opens the door, stepping in What’s going on?Alan Shore: Our client is violating at least a half a dozen criminal laws by secretly testing an unapproved drug—which causes liver failure, by the way—on unwitting human guinea pigs. Dr. Gerard is considering whether to go public. I’m for it, Denny’s against. Do you have a vote? You seem like a man with a scintilla of morality.Dr. Amanda Gerard: Alan, my vote’s the only one that counts, and I’m not going public.Alan Shore: You say that as if you have a choice, Doctor. You see, the only way our client wins here is with your testimony. So, the clerk will swear you in. You’ll take an oath to God, but as a scientist, you are bound to an even higher standard. To believe in God, all you need is faith. To believe in science, you need to see the truth. You need to speak the truth. Am I right? If asked certain questions under oath, you will answer truthfully, because that’s who you are.Dr. Amanda Gerard: You don’t know me. And you would never ask me questions that would torpedo your own case.Alan Shore: Ah. It seems it’s you that doesn’t know me.Dr. Amanda Gerard picks up her coat and purse and exits.Alan Shore: Isn’t it exciting?Lori Colson’s OfficeBrad Chase: It’s absolutely unethical, Tara, for God sakes!Tara Wilson: Please don’t lecture me.Brad Chase: Hey! There’s nothing wrong with a lecture when it’s called for. Attorneys at Crane, Poole & Schmidt do not go undercover as stewardesses to circumvent privilege. It is fraud. It is wrong. It is dishonest. It holds every member of this firm up to disrepute.Lori Colson: Breathe.Brad Chase: And what’s more, it hurts other clients at this firm—mine, Paul’s, Lori’s.Tara Wilson: How?Lori Colson: Breathe.Brad Chase: stage breath Our reputation for fair dealing is at play at every settlement conference, every motion, every trial. If that reputation is compromised, the stain runs to all cases, not just the . . .Lori Colson: Breathe.Brad Chase: Will you stop telling me to breathe! I know how and when to breathe!Tara Wilson: This is about Alan Shore. This is about some not-so-latent hostility . . .Lori Colson: You’re out of line!Tara Wilson: You’re out of line! You fancy the pants off Alan Shore, so as long as we’re preaching honesty, let’s be truthful about that.Lori Colson: You know something, Tara. This does involve Alan. What happened in that bar last night? You heard opposing counsel on his cell phone, you sensed an incredible opportunity, and you asked yourself, “What would Alan Shore do?” and you likely did what he would’ve done.Tara Wilson: Oh, and you’ve never done that—say, last week?Lori Colson: No, I did. And as I said, I was wrong. That’s all. You can go.Tara Wilson:arising What are you gonna do?Lori Colson: Haven’t decided.Tara Wilson: Well, you can’t not use the . . .Lori Colson: I haven’t decided, Tara. You’re dismissed.Tara Wilson exits.Brad Chase: loosening his tie Well, I’m sorry I lost my cool. But you handled that perfectly.Lori Colson: Thank you. Did that have anything to do with Alan?Brad Chase: How does he do it? No matter what I do, no matter what anyone else does, it’s always about Alan.Lori Colson:laughs It’s just a question.Brad Chase: I should be the example for the young associates around here, not him.Lori Colson: Well, Tara’s Alan’s girlfriend.Brad Chase: Why is that? I mean why is she interested in him? I ask you.Lori Colson: Do you fancy Tara, Brad?Brad Chase: No, I’m just speaking in general terms. All the women here . . .Lori Colson: Yeah, you keep saying, “all the women,” but, who specifically, Brad?Brad Chase: Look, you’re missing the point.Lori Colson: Okay. And the point is?Brad Chase: I diffuse a human bomb. Does anyone say, “Oh, are you okay, Brad?” Or “Nice job saving lives, Brad.” No. It’s “Tara circumvented privilege because she’s sleeping with Alan.”Lori Colson: I’m the only one talking about Tara and privilege. Is this about me? We’re buddies, Brad. Talk to me.Brad Chase: Okay. I’d like to be more than buddies. I don’t bring it up because I sense it’s something that you’re not interested in pursuing.Lori Colson: Okay.Brad Chase: Is it something you’d like to pursue?Lori Colson: Um. No.Brad Chase: Right. Anyway, you handled the meeting well.Denny Crane’s OfficeAlan Shore: You surprise me, Denny. I thought you’d be with me on this.Denny Crane: There’s a deeper principle involved here, Alan.Alan Shore: Which is?Denny Crane: Fishing. There’s a fishing lodge in British Columbia. It’s called Nimmo Bay. Best fishing lodge in the world. In the Great Bear Rain Forest.Alan Shore: How does this lodge affect . . .Denny Crane: Want to buy it. Costs lots of money. If I lose this client, I might not be able to buy it.Alan Shore: You have plenty of money.Denny Crane: Yes, to buy other things. This case, this client is earmarked for this fishing lodge.Alan Shore: Well, if I can’t convince you, I guess I can’t convince you.Denny Crane: Alan, I’ll ask Dr. Gerard the questions this afternoon.Alan Shore: I’ve prepared the direct.Denny Crane: I’ll ask her the questions.Alan Shore: I’m questioning the doctor.Denny Crane: No, you aren’t.Alan Shore: Yes, I am.Denny Crane: No, you aren’t.Alan Shore: Yes, I am.Denny Crane: No.Alan Shore: Yes.Denny Crane: No.Alan Shore: Yes.Paul Lewiston:entering This time I will cast a vote. Let me make this simple for you, Mr. Shore.Alan Shore: Please call me Alan. I feel we’ve grown close.。

Boston LegalFrom Whence We CameSeason 1, Episode 12Written by David E. Kelley© 2005 David E. Kelley Productions. All Rights Reserved.Broadcast: January 16, 2005Transcribed by Imamess of JSMP for JSMP and At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, Paul Lewiston and Shirley Schmidt are in the conference room.Shirley Schmidt: How bad is he?Paul Lewiston: He’s intermittently brilliant and nonsensically, often at the same time.Shirley Schmidt: Then he’s technically still in charge of litigation?Paul Lewiston: Which is the reason I called you back. He is an enormous rainmaker, Shirley. And yet…Denny Crane:He comes in and sits down. Lock and load. He looks around the table. Where is everybody? Paul Lewiston: This is an administrative meeting, Denny.Denny Crane: Oh! What the hell am I doing here? He gets up to leave.Shirley Schmidt: Remember the good ole days when you liked to know what was going on? When you could go from your office to the elevator without a roadmap?Denny Crane: Didn’t need a roadmap to find my way around your body, did I, Shirley?Shirley Schmidt: I wouldn’t know. I was usually asleep.Denny Crane: I once had her... and Streisand… at the same time. Remember that?Shirley Schmidt: Hahhh, I do Denny. Ha ha. And not to burst your bubble but that was a female impersonator. Perhaps the penis might have been your cue.Denny Crane: That wasn’t Barbara Streisand?Sally Heep: She comes in. You wanted to see me?Shirley Schmidt: Yes, Sally, bad news. We lost the summary judgment motion on Witchell. Have a seat.Sally Heep: We lost?Shirley Schmidt: The judge held that the magazine, while possibly negligent, wasn’t guilty of reckless disregard for the truth.Sally Heep: So, we could prevail under negligence.Shirley Schmidt: We could. If only we’d thought to plead negligence. She reads from a paper in front of her. Count one, intentional inflection of emotional distress. Count two, reckless disregard for the truth. She looks up. Ah, here’s where there should have been a third count alleging negligence. There is no third count alleging negligence.Sally Heep: In, in the supporting memoranda we have pages on negligence.Shirley Schmidt: But you didn’t plead it.Sally Heep: So we just file a motion to amend.Shirley Schmidt: That deadline lapsed.Sally Heep: Ah, this is… this is obviously an oversight. The defendant had constructive notice, we can appeal this. I’ll get right on it.Shirley Schmidt: I have taken the liberty of reviewing some of your other work, Sally. You’re a very good lawyer. But not, good enough we’re letting you go.Sally Heep: You’re firing me?Shirley Schmidt: I’m sorry.Sally Heep: I have done a lot of good work here.Shirley Schmidt: Yes, you have. And any number of law firms would be happy to have you. This one unfortunately just doesn’t happen to be one of them.Sally Heep:To Denny. Are you in on this?Denny Crane: Am, am, am I in on this?Shirley Schmidt: It was my decision. Paul and Denny still remain strong supporters. We’re streamlining a little and I have to make some tough calls. I’m sorry.Sally Heep: How can you come in here, and in one week, fire someone you don’t even know?Shirley Schmidt: I’m Schmidt.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, Nora Jacobs is walking down the corridor. She passes Alan Shore.Alan Shore: Nora, outstanding. I give it a three.Nora Jacobs: Thank you?Back in the conference room with Paul, Shirley and Denny.Nora Jacobs:She comes in. Mr Crane? A Mr Walter Fife is in your office. He says it’s quite important.Denny Crane: Oh, thank you. May I ask? Do I know you?Nora Jacobs: I’m Alan Shore’s assistant. Mr Fife came to our office when he couldn’t find you. I escorted him back to your office.Denny Crane: Excellent. I’ll be right there.Nora leaves. Denny beams smugly.Shirley Schmidt: You’re waiting for me to tell you where your office is, aren’t you?Denny Crane: No. I wanna to see the look on your face when you realize, they still come through that door looking for one man to solve their problems, they don’t come barging in looking for Paul, or you. Only one man. Shirley Schmidt: Allow me. She gets up and leans toward his ear and whispers. Denny Crane.Denny Crane:He gasps. She can still pump my chubby.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, Shirley is walking in the corridor. As she walks around a corner, Nora is waiting for her.Nora Jacobs: Mrs Schmidt.Shirley Schmidt: My mother is Mrs Schmidt, you can call me Schmidt.Nora Jacobs: I know you’re a very busy person, but if I could steal one minute of your busy time.Shirley Schmidt: Regarding?Nora Jacobs: It’s a little personal.Shirley Schmidt: Ten o’clock.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, in Denny’s office. Walter Fife is with Denny.Walter Fife: They didn’t just sue the School Board, they sued me personally, which I regard as punitive.Denny Crane: Walter, I can assure you their Cause of Action is totally baseless.Walter Fife: I haven’t even told you what it is yet.Denny Crane: I…Shirley Schmidt:She comes in. Hi! Shirley Schmidt.Denny Crane: This is Walter Fife. He’s superintendent of Middle Sect School District. He’s being sued. What’d you do? Little, touchy feely with a student?Walter Fife: What? God no! What, what kind of question is that?Denny Crane: Oh lighten up. Let’s all sit. Shirley here is a senior partner, so you’re in good hands, you got both Shirley and umh…Shirley Schmidt: You!Denny Crane: Me! Right. Good. Okay. Now. Look. I’m gonna ask you something. It’s gonna be a question. And I want a direct answer. No matter how difficult.Walter Fife: Okay.Denny Crane: Why… Walter… are you being sued?Walter looks at Shirley.Shirley Schmidt: You promised you’d answer.Walter Fife: The School Board voted to include Creationism along with Darwinism in the eighth grade Science curriculum. The teachers refused, I terminated their employment. They sued.Denny Crane: Massachusetts is a blue state. God has no place here.Walter Fife: I, I’m not sure you’re really the lawyer for this particular...Shirley Schmidt: We have many attorneys, well equipped to han...Denny Crane: Nonsense. I’ve been practicing law for 45 years. Never lost a single case.Walter Fife: You’ve never lost?Denny Crane: My record is six thousand and forty-three to O. You hear the one about the fellow who died, went to the Pearly Gates, St Peter let him in, sees a guy in suit making a closing arguments. Says, “Who’s that?” St Peter says, “Ohhh, that God. Thinks he’s Denny Crane.” Ha, ha, ha, ha! I’m your boy Walter. Never lost. Never will.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, Lori Colson, Brad Chase and Tara Wilson are in the lounge.Lori Colson: Did she give you a reason?Sally Heep: Just that my work didn’t cut it. I mean my reviews have all been good. Plus, I mean it’s not like they’ve given me very much to do. The Witchell case was really the first one they let me run with.Brad Chase: And... you forgot to plead negligence. Lori gives him a look. Sorry.Lori Colson: Let me talk to her. See if there’s another story.Sally Heep: : I mean, is this woman like some sort of psycho witch or something?Lori Colson: Actually no she’s extremely nice.Brad Chase: We all know she was sent to shake the tree. Looks like it’s already begun.Tara Wilson: I wonder who’s next?Shirley Schmidt: She comes in. Lori? Can I steal you for a second?Lori Colson: Sure. She leaves to follow Shirley.Tara Wilson: Dibs on her office.Lori Colson:She turns back to give Tara a look, then walks down the corridor with Shirley. I just heard about Sally. I think you’re making a mistake.Shirley Schmidt: I didn’t ask.Lori Colson: Which surprises me actually. You and I are friends. I’ve worked with Sally.Shirley Schmidt: And being loyal to her, you’d possibly be neither objective nor candid.Lori Colson. Even so…Shirley Schmidt: In either event I didn’t ask. Lori wants to say more, but doesn’t. We just got a new case. Big client. Middle Sect School District. Denny’s in charge. Which is fine, as long as he doesn’t speak. I need you to take over.Lori Colson: How do I just take over? He’ll completely...Shirley Schmidt: You’ll handle him Lori. The way only you can.Lori Colson: Ah, what’s the case?Shirley Schmidt: It’s a variation of the Scope’s trial. Three teachers were fired for refusing to teach Creationism. They’ve sue.Lori Colson: Sounds like a slam dunk. For them.Shirley Schmidt: Perhaps. It would take some pretty ingenious lawyering on our part from, not only a gifted attorney, but someone who’s an expert in the field.Lori Colson: Meaning?Shirley Schmidt: Lori, I know all the skeletons in your closet. Remember? Including that deeply guarded little one that you fear might ruin your intellectual reputation. You go to church.Nora Jacobs:She comes to the door and knocks. Uhm, Schmidt. Is this a good time?Shirley Schmidt: Yeah. To Lori. Conference room? Noon? Lori nods. Thank you.Lori leaves.Shirley Schmidt: How can I help?Nora Jacobs: Well. This is very awkward. I’m not even sure you’re the right person to come to. But… you’re a woman.Shirley Schmidt: That’s very kind.Nora Jacobs: I work for Alan Shore and in many many ways he’s an excellent boss. God knows he isn’t boring. But I feel that’s he’s been inappropriate with me.Shirley Schmidt: How so?Nora Jacobs: Well. He compliments my figure daily. And he just kind of does it in a lascivious way. He also ranks my sweaters.Shirley Schmidt: He ranks your sweaters?Nora Jacobs: Yes. Which ones he thinks I look best in. This is a three. He asked if he could take one home for the weekend. He told me he has dreams about me.Shirley Schmidt: What kind of dreams?Nora Jacobs: All kinds. Ah, once he dreamt that I was just a head. No body, just a head. Everywhere he went he would carry me along, wrapped in a muffler, to keep him company. And every so often I would whisper terrible, dirty things in his ear. Feels a little like harassment.Shirley Schmidt: You think? Would you like to work for another lawyer?Nora Jacobs: Well, I’d just like him to stop. I must admit, that, sometimes I’ve been guilty of playing along with his banter. But...Shirley Schmidt: I’ll take care of it.Nora Jacobs: Thank you.Shirley Schmidt: And Nora? Thank you for coming forward with this. I know it was difficult.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, in Tara’s office the TV is on, and Tara is watching the news.TV Announcer: We have very little information, other than the victim was in her fifties and that she was bludgeoned to death. It is the second death in a week that has rocked this idealic little street. Just last Friday the victim’s next door neighbor died as well, from a head trauma. You may recall the son was briefly held, and then released.Tara Wilson:She gasps as her chair is suddenly shoved back to the wall. What? Alan Shore comes up from under the desk and stares at the Television.TV Announcer: ... not indicated whether these two cases are connected.Alan Shore: It’s Bernie!Tara Wilson: Who?Alan Shore: That little skillet-wielding client from last week. He’s whacked another one! He promised me he wouldn’t? He leaves.Tara Wilson: Does that mean you’re... finished?In Bernard Ferrion’s home. There is a knocking on the door.Bernard Ferrion:He opens the door. Alan?Alan Shore: What have you done?Bernard Ferrion: There’s an awful lot of excitement.Alan Shore: I saw. Both live, and on the news. You’ve been flanging again with your frying pan, haven’t you, Bernard?Bernard Ferrion: I never meant for it to happen.Alan Shore: I am very disappointed! I gave you a terrific speech last week Bernie. Appealing to the kind, inner you. It was wonderful, poignant even, and now you’ve completely muted it by committing murder again! Bernard Ferrion: I never meant to kill her.Alan Shore: Oh, what? You went over there to make an omelet and things go out of hand?Bernard Ferrion: She knew! She heard an argument between me and mother. She was out there watering her stupid plants. In the winter, for God’s sakes. The woman is not right. Or wasn’t right. Alan sighs. Alan, she said she was gonna call the police. She said what she heard would not be hearsay. She looked it up, she said, because we were arguing, it would, it would qualify as an excited blutterance. Suddenly the skillet was in my hand, and I swung.Alan Shore: Blutterance isn’t even a real word. Much less a defense. You murdered somebody over a fake word!Bernard Ferrion: I was careful to not leave any evidence. I went over there stealth like... He moves the curtain aside to look out the window.Alan Shore:He pulls Bernie away from the window. Oh for God’s sake.Bernard Ferrion: ...I staged a break-in in the back. I dispatched of her, and then I returned. And Alan, I promise you, this will be the very very last one.Alan Shore: I’m not representing you this time.Bernard Ferrion: You must! If it comes to that!Alan Shore: I won’t! You’ve let me down terribly!Bernard Ferrion: Uh, but... But you said that you stood for the little man. Alan slams the door as he leaves the house. I’m little!At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, Walter, Lori, Denny and Shirley are in the conference room.Lori Colson: The best thing I feel would be to go for an immediate declaratory judgment. The last thing we want is a trial. This is a hot button issue. The ACLU will be jumping in and that’s only the beginning.Denny Crane:As Lori continues talking to Walter, Denny turns to Shirley. Why have I been taken off this case?Shirley Schmidt: You haven’t. You’ve been relieved of the grunt work because it’s beneath you.Denny Crane: Relieved is a soft word for discharge. I recognize a demotion when I see one. I am the master of the soft discharge.Shirley Schmidt: You refer again to when we were intimate. Now pay attention and pretend you have a clue. Lori Colson: We all set?Denny Crane: Lock and load.Shirley Schmidt: Let’s go.The get up to leave. Out in the corridor they pass Alan.Alan Shore: Lori.Lori Colson: Alan.Shirley Schmidt: Alan, a second. We have a ... little problem. Seems you’ve been sexually harassing Nora Jacobs.Alan Shore: She signed a waiver.Shirley Schmidt: I’m sorry?Alan Shore: I make all my female employees sign sexual harassment waivers. Especially the pretty ones.Shirley Schmidt: I don’t think that document would hold up in court. Alan Shore: Oh.Shirley Schmidt: But regardless, that kind of behavior isn’t tolerated at Crane, Poole and Schmidt.Alan Shore: Which... kind of... behavior? Specifically?Shirley Schmidt: I think you’re smart enough to sense where the line is, Counsel.Alan Shore: I’m never sure until I cross it.Shirley Schmidt: She is a subordinate. There is a disparity of power. You will refrain from any sexual advances, verbal or otherwise.Alan Shore: Shirley? He sighs. What about senior partners? There would be nothing wrong with me lusting say after you? Would there?Shirley Schmidt: Go subscribe to National Geographic. Make a list of the places you’ll never get to visit. Add to that list, Schmidt.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, Brad and Sally are walking down the corridor.Brad Chase: Sally, I’ll talk to her, but other than that...Sally Heep: You can pull some strings?Brad Chase: What about Alan Shore? He’s the one that pulls rabbits.Sally Heep: He’s not a partner. You are. Besides I slept with Alan Shore. How objective can he be?Brad Chase: You also slept with me. Did you ever think that might be part of the problem?Sally Heep:She is stunned. She raises her right hand to strike him, he grabs her hand in mid air. She raises her left hand, he grabs it. That was unfair. Kicking me while I’m down? I guess I should have expected it.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, in Alan’s office. Bernard is with Alan.Bernard Ferrion: The police want to question me.Alan Shore: That’s really a stunner, Bernie. They arrested you last week, for whacking your mother. You get off on a technicality. Now? The woman next door turns up dead from a blow to the head. What could possibly make them think of you?Bernard Ferrion: Should I talk to them?Alan Shore: I wouldn’t! Where you once were convincing? You now are anything but!Bernard Ferrion: I don’t like it when you speak to me in these hurtful tones. I am not an evil person.Alan Shore: Yes! You are Bernie! You’ve killed two people inside of a week. By definition that makes you evil. This last killing was premeditated, calculated. You went over there as you said, to dispatch a human being. You’re a little bug. And like a little bug, you will one day get stepped on. Now go away. I do not represent evil people. Bernard is stunned and doesn’t move. I asked you to leave.Bernard Ferrion: May I say one more thing? You cut me to the quick. I am a bug. My mother would often tell me, I am nothing more than an insignificant little... she used to call me a dung beetle! When I killed her, as she lay on the floor? For the first time I felt alive! I had actually done something! Perhaps a part of me sought to relive that power. But today I, I, I do, I feel evil. I need your help, Alan. The police want to interrogate me. I don’t know what to do.Tara Wilson:She comes in. Could I...? Oh! I’m so sorry.Alan Shore: That’s okay. Tara Wilson? Meet Bernard Ferrion. He kills people with cookware. Allegedly of course. Bernie?... Tara! She’s your new lawyer.Bernard Ferrion: No, I’d prefer you.Alan Shore: No, you can’t have me. One reason being. I know too much. If you want this firm to help you, Tara is your lawyer!Bernard Ferrion: She’s very fetching. But, is, she good?Alan Shore:He gives Bernard a look, then turns to Tara. The police wanna talk to him. There’s an excellent chance you can avoid the prison term he very much deserves. I must warn you, do not come to care for this man. He will let you down. That’s all.Tara Wilson: Let’s go, Mr Ferrion.Tara and Bernard leave.Alan Shore:He presses a button on the intercom. Nora? When you get a minute.A few minutes later Nora is sitting across from Alan.Alan Shore: Why did you feel compelled to speak to Shirley Schmidt? Why didn’t you just take it up with me? Nora Jacobs: I don’t know. I suppose... I guess I didn’t feel I could hold my own with you. Which I guess, is a part of the problem.Alan Shore: “Alan, I’m uncomfortable with the banter.” You could have said that. You did participate in the banter?Nora Jacobs: I participated. I of course, wanted to be liked by my boss. But then... it started to go too far.Alan Shore: And when it went too far? Why not tell me?Nora Jacobs: I don’t know. Because I’d let it go on. I felt maybe I gotten myself in... At the seminars you get the impression that the senior people here are good at dealing with these things. I wanted you to stop. But I still like you, and like working for you, and I was hoping they maybe they had a way to solve the problem without any hurt feelings. Alan doesn’t speak. So what happens now?In Judge William Howe’s courtroom. Walter is in the witness chair.Walter Fife: We actually call it Intelligent Design. Basically the idea is, life is so complex, a Greater Power has to be at play.Lori Colson: The Greater Power being God?Walter Fife: We’re by no means...Shirley Schmidt:She looks over at Denny. He’s sleeping. Denny?Denny wakes up.Walter Fife: … shutting down Darwinism or suggesting that evolution is inaccurate.Lori Colson: Do you believe in evolution, Mr Fife?Walter Fife: I happen to believe in both God and evolution. I don’t think the two have to be mutually exclusive. Lori Colson: So, why not simply offer the Intelligent Design theory in religion courses? Why Science?Walter Fife: Well, we thought long and hard about that. But the simple truth is, more and more scientists, scientists, not theologians have said that when you examine the intricacies of the human cell, the mathematical equations of DNA, you simply cannot conclude that it’s all explained by natural selection. Another Power has to be at work.Attorney Daniel Gellman: God?Walter Fife: Well again, we never mention Him by name.Attorney Daniel Gellman: You’re aware of the separation of Church and State?Walter Fife: I’m aware.Denny Crane:Under his breath, to Shirley. This is boring crap.Attorney Daniel Gellman: And you’re also aware that the Supreme Court has banned the teaching of Creationism.Walter Fife: Well. As I said, technically we’re not calling it Creationism.Attorney Daniel Gellman: But you admitted that’s what’s going on. And Creationism holds that God created the world about 6,000 years ago in 6 days?Walter Fife: That’s not my view.Attorney Daniel Gellman: But it’s a view you’re insisting your teachers explain in the Science class?Walter Fife: As a theory.Attorney Daniel Gellman: A theory with no Scientific bases other than to say… “Gee, evolution can’t account for it all.”At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, Tara is in her office. Bernard is with her. He is wearing helmet.Tara Wilson: Why the helmet?Bernard Ferrion: Well it wouldn’t be for here. It would be for at home. Well, the thinking being, if there’s someone in the neighborhood breaking into houses, whacking people, from behind, on the head, it would make sense for me to wear a helmet. I want to exude innocence, you see.Tara Wilson: Get rid of the helmet.Bernard Ferrion: But Ms Wilson, at, at my core, I’m a little man. It would make sense for me to want to protect myself. Right?Tara Wilson: Get rid of the helmet. You look ridiculous. Now listen to me. The police have asked for a DNA sample, and I’m gonna agree.Bernard Ferrion: What? Why on earth?Tara Wilson: Because they could get one with a court order. There’s no point in opposing.Bernard Ferrion: But what about my right to not incriminate myself?Tara Wilson: Cooperation goes a long way towards exuding innocence, Mr Ferrion. Much better than hockey head gear.Bernard Ferrion: You know, everyone is speaking to me in hurtful tones and I don’t appreciate it. I did kill people. You’d think I’d incur a little shock and awe, if not respect.Tara Wilson: Is that why you did this? To inspire awe? Alan Shore told me that your mother referred to you as a dung beetle.Bernard Ferrion: Please don’t mention that particular species to me. I don’t know what else Alan told you, but, I’m a kind man. I have admittedly committed two heinous acts, but the first was not voluntary, and the second was out of desperation. Not wanting to go to prison where bigger men will have their way with me. Ms Wilson, I need your help. Please be on my side.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt. Sally is in her office.Brad Chase:He comes in. I’m sorry. That remark was way outta line. Listen, Sally, it didn’t help that you were with me a year and a half ago, and then you were with Alan Shore. As gossip, it travels fast. But I have no doubt. None! That you are going to be an exceptional attorney. But… just not here. They’re never gonna give you the chance. You need to… remake yourself. Start fresh. You asked me for help, and I’m going to provide it to you in the form of advice. You need to go.In Judge William Howe’s courtroom. Roberta Turner is in the witness chair.Roberta Turner: At the beginning of the school year we got the word at our teacher’s assembly, that moral values would be one of our educational objectives. Which was fine. But to have Evolution bumped for Creationism.Attorney Daniel Gellman: Well! To be fair, Evolution isn’t being displaced. Creationism is just being included. Roberta Turner: Evolution is a tough subject matter. We cannot cut into what little class time we have to service a political agenda. To teach…Lori Colson: Objection! This is non-responsive.Judge William Howe: Please limit your answers to the questions, ma’m.Attorney Daniel Gellman: Why can’t you view Intelligent Design as a Science, Ms Turner?Roberta Turner: Because! There is simply no scientific data to support it. How are we to maintain any credibility as Science teachers if we say, “Gee! Despite all this data, there’s also another possibility.” Intelligent Design makes a mockery of Science. If you wanna teach it as religion course? Fine! But as a Science? It’s simply preposterous.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, in Tara’s office. Tara is talking with Dective Willet while a police technician is taking a tongue swab from Bernard.Detective Willet: I just don’t understand why you wouldn’t wanna talk. If there’s a serial killer loose in his neighborhood…?Tara Wilson: He’d love to talk. I’m not letting him.Bernard Ferrion: I’d tell you one thing…Tara Wilson: Bernard! You people wrongly arrested him last time with no evidence, after his mother recklessly accused him. Now it’s clear there is somebody in the neighborhood killing people. You haven’t so much as apologized to Mr Ferrion for ruining his good name. Why should we expect any fair treatment from you?Police Technician: I’m done.Detective Willet: Once again I’ll encourage your client not to leave the jurisdiction.Bernard Ferrion: Bully boy!Tara Wilson: Bernard!The two policemen leave.Bernard Ferrion: You handled that deftly. So what now?Tara Wilson: You can go home. If indeed you left no traces behind, and assuming they find no DNA, and with no smoking skillet,you’ll likely get away with it once again.Bernard Ferrion: You’re using a judgmental tone.Tara Wilson: Do you really expect us not to condemn you? You killed two people!Bernard Ferrion: I expect you to condemn my actions, but, I suppose not me!Tara Wilson: You can go.Bernard Ferrion:He moves to leave then turns back. How’s Alan?Tara Wilson: Honestly? I think he’s hurt. You hear all the time how clients are let down by their lawyers, sometimes it’s the attorney who’s let down by the client. As silly as it may sound the cynical, jaded Alan Shore gets a bit desperate sometimes to believe in the goodness of mankind. He found, I think, some hope in you. And you crushed it. Like a bug.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, in Alan’s office, Alan and Nora are sitting on couches.Nora Jacobs: You’re firing me?Alan Shore: Certainly not. I’d get sued. I’m reassigning you.Nora Jacobs: If I get put back into the pool that’s the same as a demotion.Alan Shore: Nora, I’m not going to change who I am. I can work on it, but leaps and bounds I’ll never make. When I look at women… most women… my mind wanders invariably to sexual fantasy of a board and curious nature, unfettered by moral restraint. I can’t help it. I realize this candor could come back to haunt me should you indeed file a claim, but when I look at you I often conger up the most intimate and explicit of distractions. That’s not going to change. You are a sexually attractive.... Shirley comes in and stands at the door. Beast! Could you excuse us, Shirley? I’m dictating a letter. Shirley leaves. I give you my word; you will not get a demotion. Shirley is right outside the door eavesdropping. I also offer you my gratitude for making me realize that sometimes women play along and yet never-the-less fell harassed. I suppose it’s the callous idiot who can’t appreciate that. I apologize for being that idiot. Nora gets up to leave. Nora? The next time that someone does something to you that you don’t like, be direct. I assure you, you’re up to it.Nora leaves.Shirley Schmidt: She comes back in. That was very eloquent. Thank you.Alan Shore: You need to get me another secretary, Shirley. Someone more willing to be harassed.Shirley Schmidt: I’ll see what I can do.In Judge William Howe’s courtroom Attorney Daniel Gellman is giving his closing.Attorney Daniel Gellman: These are bad times for Science your Honor. Especially at the hands of moral values. The government has systematically distorted or worse, suppressed findings by the FDA and EPA when it comes to contraception, stem cell research. AIDS, global warming, pollution…Judge William Howe: Let’s just stick to the case, Counsel, and leave politics out of it.Attorney Daniel Gellman: This case is all about politics. It’s about getting religion back into schools. Creationism is religious doctrine; it is not supported by scientific data. I’m a Christian. My wife is a Jew. We have wonderful debates. And this country, as a whole should be more theologically literate, but it’s not Science! What’s happening here today is an attack on evolution. It’s clever. Let’s call it Intelligent Design. Let’s not mention God. But, come on! The Supreme Court banned the teaching of Creationism in the public schools. They were right then, they remain right today, and my client’s discharge was unlawful, as well in violation of our time honored tradition of separating Church and State. Of course we have a legitimate Cause of Action.Shirley Schmidt: That was almost Evangelical. The Establishment Clause prohibits the endorsement of, or discrimination against any particular religion. But it was never meant to extinguish the notion of a Higher Power.I certainly believe in evolution. Who here among us, while watching the presidential debates could deny that we all come from monkeys. But, what’s so wrong with suggesting, as a possible theory, that a Higher Power might have also played a part? As for Church and State, we go to war over God-given rights to Democracy. Let’s face it. God is big here. We love God, and we as a nation have an overwhelming belief He had something to do with the creation of human-kind. But, teach that in a Science class? Perish the thought. Nobody here is trying to squash evolution, and I would agree with Mr Gellman, it isn’t good Science to suppress information. But, I would ask the court, who here today is trying to do the squashing?At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, in Tara’s office, Bernard is with Tara.Bernard Ferrion: I thought if I went to trial it would offer me a chance to clear my name.Tara Wilson: Clear your name! You… did it!Bernard Ferrion: But nobody knows that.Tara Wilson: Have you gone mad? They haven’t got any evidence. They can’t even arrest you. And you’re here asking to go to trial! What is the matter with you?Bernard Ferrion: The suspense of them building a case! It’s just too much to bare! He sighs. I’m lonely. All I ever had was my mother and I killed her. The only other person who ever, ever talked to me was my neighbor. Killed her too! How’s Alan? I miss him.Tara Wilson: Bernard? Unless something else happens here, your case is over. Now I can appreciate that you’re lonely, but you need to find a life for yourself now.Bernard Ferrion: But uhm… How do I do that?Tara Wilson: Bernard? Your case status at the moment, is over.Bernard Ferrion: Okay. Okay.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, in Alan’s office, Alan sits down to read some papers.Catherine Piper:She comes in. Alan! Hello!Alan Shore: Mrs Piper?。

Boston LegalLos AngelesSeason 2, Episode 27Written by David E. Kelley2006 David E. Kelley Productions. All Rights Reserved.Broadcast: May 16, 2006Transcribed by Imamess of JSMP for [version updated May 22, 2006]Alan and Denny escort Courtney Reese through a throng of media-paparazzi, screaming, yelling. As they pass a camera crew…Reporter: Repeating what we know, Ms Reese has just been arraigned on attempted murder charges, the…As they pass another camera crew…Reporter: …bail was set at one million, two hundred thousand...Denny Crane: Denny Crane.Barry Goal: Barry Goal.As they pass a third camera crew…Reporter: …the star of the popular reality show, The Phoenix, entered a plea of not guilty…Denny Crane: Denny Crane.Barry Goal: Barry Goal.Reporter: …both sides agreeing to an immediate trial date…Reporter:On a television monitor. Why Ms Reese was carrying a gun, we don’t know.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt in Los Angeles. Courtney Reese, Denny Craen, Barry Goal and Alan Shore are in an office.Courtney Reese: I thought he was gonna kill me.Alan Shore: Did you recognize him?Courtney Reese: Not then. Now I know he’s a photographer for one of those celebrity stalker websites. Barry Goal: Fan-based websites. They track certain stars.Courtney Reese: Yeah. It’s called Get Courtney dot com. She looks at Denny who is staring at her chest. There is a lot of cleavage to see.Denny Crane: Denny Crane.Barry Goal: Barry Goal.Alan Shore: I’m sorry. You’ll have to forgive Denny. His eyes are bigger than his shame. And frankly, I don’t know what to make of Barry. So? You said these websites actually track celebrities?Courtney Reese: They hunt us down. Anybody who spots me on the street just text messages my location into the website. Some of them even get paid for a good tip. Now anybody… Here. She turns the screen of a laptop computer towards Alan. Anybody can track my every move every minute of the day. She clicks some key on the keyboard.Denny Crane:He looks over the lid of the computer at the computer, her chest. She gives him a look. Terrible.Courtney Reese:She sighs. Alan rolls his eyes. Look at this. On the computer screen is street map with a picture of her in a square bubble with an arrow pointing toward a large red cross signifying the location of the Crane, Poole and Schmidt.Denny Crane: Oh. There’s our building. And it says you’re here!Barry Goal: And you’re here!Courtney Reese: One of your assistants probably just made a hundred bucks for this tip. And the problem is it’s not just fans who know where I am, it’s stalkers. Mentally ill people! I mean, I’ve had guys show up straight from the psych ward to my door saying I’m their ex-wife and they’re gonna kill me for jilting them. Alan Shore: And you thought this man was coming to kill you?Courtney Reese: Yeah! I thought he… She looks to Denny and catches him still staring at her chest. Mr Crane? I need you to stop staring at me like that.Denny Crane: Of course. Marry me.Courtney Reese: I beg your pardon?Denny Crane: Your fifteen minutes are almost up. Mine has lasted a lifetime. To Barry. Tell her.Barry Goal: Marry him.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt in Boston, Denise walks through the lobby, looking at a file as a couple in their late twenties, Lara and Joel Kohn, speak to the receptionist. Lara’s holding a brief with some business paper in it.Lara Kohn:To the receptionist. … Lara and Joel Kohn to see Marlene Stanger, ten-thirty. Receptionist: I think she stepped out of the building for a few minutes. Let me try her cell.Denise Bauer:She hears this and takes pause. She interrupts before the receptionist can call. To Lara and Joe. Are you here for Marlene Stanger?Joel Kohn: She was recommended to us.Lara Kohn: We made an appointment, but she doesn’t appear to be here.Denise Bauer:She makes a decision. That doesn’t sound like Marlene. All charm. I’m Denise Bauer. I work very closely with Marlene and I know that she is swamped. Uhm, why don’t you come into my office and we can tall. She leads the couple down the corridor.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt in Los Angeles. In the conference rooms clips of new reports are shown on a large screen.Female TV Reporter: Both sides have apparently agreed to fast track this. The only issue being, “Did Ms Reese fear for her life? And if so, was that fear reasonable?”Male TV Reporter: Some speculation that Ms Reese was simply fed up with the paparazzi and this last encounter was the final straw.Different Female Reporter: So far we have no indication of where Ms Reese got the gun.Watching this are Barry, Denny, Alan, Courtney, Candy Springtime and several other associates. Candy Sprintime: The good news Courtney, you’re already beautiful, so we don’t have to Marsha Clark you. The bad new is, you’re beautiful and you shot a man. The only person I can see getting away with that is Prince Di, who was herself killed by the paparazzi. So! By evoking her image we get a twofer. She chooses a suit from a clothes rack bearing two dozen different outfits. I suggest this for your first day of trial.Courtney Reese: A turtle neck? In LA? In the spring? Are you trying to kill me?Candy Springtime: We can mix and match. But it’s critical you feel comfortable in your wardrobe. The jury can sense comfort level.Courtney Reese: It’s my clothes or none at all.Denny Crane and Barry Goal:In unison. None.Candy Springtime: Courtney. She sighs.Alan Shore: Typically we would want the jury to relate to you.Courtney Reese: Typically no juror would have been carrying a gun into a restaurant. So perhaps the argument should be they couldn’t possibly relate to me.Denny Crane: We’ll get back to wardrobe. Let’s talk victim.Barry Goal: Our investigators are checking into the photographer. His friends, family, skeletons, the usual. What is important is that in the press he looks like someone who would attack Courtney in an alley. Courtney Reese: He did attack me in an alley.Denny Crane: Legals?Alan Shore: In order to prove self-defense we need to show that in these circumstances you reasonably felt your live was in danger. The only person who can convey that is you, so you’ll need to testify.Denny Crane: I’ll be right by your side.Barry Goal: So will I.Alan Shore: Neither of them will be. You’ll be sitting up there all alone, undoubtedly subjected to unrelenting cross-examination.Courtney Reese: I’m a big girl.Denny Crane: Excellent. Just for fun, say it try it this way, “I’m a bad girl.” I’d want to hear how it plays. Courtney Reese : I’m a bad girl.Denny Crane: Very bad girl.Alan Shore: Denny.In A.D.A. Holly Raines’s office. Brad Chase is with her.A.D.A. Holly Raines: I cannot believe you, of all people, are here asking for a favor.Brad Chase: It’s not so much a favor. It’s…A.D.A. Holly Raines: Buzz Light Year himself!Brad Chase: Who calls me that?A.D.A. Holly Raines: Not me. I look at you and see a woody.Brad Chase: She has no prison record.A.D.A. Holly Raines: A boy is dead.Brad Chase: Which is why we’re willing to plea. Three months is the right result. Whatever our differences. This is…A.D.A. Holly Raines: Whoa, whoa. What differences? Are you referring to the time I interviewed with you for a position at Crane, Poole and Schmidt all the while you surfed the net to cheap ski tickets at Whistler? Do you think that that would cause a rift between us? As if I’d even remember.Brad Chase: I need your help. This is my niece, and you know this is the right result. Please.A.D.A. Holly Raines:She thinks for a moment. On your knees. And ‘Pretty please.’Brad Chase: What?A.D.A. Holly Raines: Down on your knees. Do it. And, and button it with, ‘Beautiful goddess.’Brad Chase: You’re not serious.A.D.A. Holly Raines: I’m very serious.Brad Chase:He gets down on one knee. Pretty please. She perks her ears for more. Beautiful goddess.Outside a cottage terrace at night. Denny sits with a cigar and scotch. He is wearing a mask over his nose and mouth. Through a hole in the mask he takes a puff from the cigar. Alan joins him, cigar in hand.Denny Crane: LA smog. Not good.Alan Shore: Ah. He sits down. Denny, I consider myself a delightfully lascivious person and I often appreciate that quality in others but I need you tone it down a little with Courtney.Denny Crane: She is the sexiest woman on earth. Unless of course you go for preggos, in which case, it’s Angelina.Alan Shore: This is a serious case, Denny. She’s up on attempted murder charges.Denny Crane: It’s a character builder. She’ll be fine. I’m going to marry her, Alan.Alan Shore: Courtney Reese?Denny Crane: She’s got Denny Crane written all over her. And I’ll tell you this, when the times comes, she’ll pull my plug. Happily.Alan Shore: Not to burst your bubble, as unburstable as it appears to be, but I get the feeling Courtney’s interests lie elsewhere.Denny Crane: What do you mean?Alan Shore: I’m picking up on signals.Denny Crane: Well pick up on this, stay away from my sixth wife. Courtney Crane. I love it.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt in Boston Paul Lewiston, Shirley Schmidt and Denise are all smiles. Paul Lewiston: Fish! Who knew?Shirley Schmidt: I’m proud of you, Kiddo.Denise Bauer: Thank you.Marlene Stanger:She comes in. Everybody’s smiling. Happy news?Shirley Schmidt: Denise just landed, dare I say it, a big whale.Denise Bauer: Sitter Delacy Foods, they distribute up and down the east coast.Marlene Stanger: The Kohn family. Right?Denise Bauer: Right.Marlene Stanger: Huh.A circus. Denny and Alan escort Courtney through a throng of media. It’s wild. At Crane, Poole and Schmidt in Boston Shirley, Paul and Denise are watching this on television moniter.TV Reporter: The prosecution of Courtney Reese for attempted murder began today…Shirley Schmidt: Unbelievable.Brad Chase:He comes in. Wherever they go, they get the good stuff.Shirley Schmidt: Unbelievable.Brad Chase: This isn’t fair.In Judge Harvey Hasson’s courtroom all parties are present. Judge Harvey Hasson is on the bench. A.D.A. Joe Isaacs is questioning photographer Dan Rice.Dan Rice: So, I figured she might come out the side-alley; she often does, so I kind of staked out a position.A.D.A. Joe Isaacs: And at some point, the defendant did come out?Dan Rice: Yes.A.D.A. Joe Isaacs: And what did you do?Dan Rice: I approached to take a picture.A.D.A. Joe Isaacs: Did you say anything?Dan Rice: No.A.D.A. Joe Isaacs: Did she say anything?Dan Rice: Yeah, I think she yelled, “Back off.”A.D.A. Joe Isaacs: And then what happened?Dan Rice: I went to take a picture… and she shot me.A.D.A. Joe Isaacs: Did she warn you, did she indicate that she had a gun?Dan Rice: No. She just opened fire.Alan is up.Alan Shore: It sounds like a terrifying encounter. Were you frightened Mr Rice?Dan Rice: Of course I was.Alan Shore: I can imagine. By the way, can you imagine that Ms Reese might have been terrified when you charged at her in the alley?Dan Rice: I think Ms Reese is familiar with photographers trying to get her picture.Alan Shore: You jumped out from behind a dumpster. Did you not?Denny puts a comforting hand on Courtney’s knee.Dan Rice: Yes.Alan Shore: Was the alley way lit?Dan Rice: It was not lit.Barry Goal puts a comforting hand on Courtney’s other knee.Alan Shore: Mr Rice, you’re a freelance photographer, are you not? You submit your work to many different magazines and newspapers?Dan Rice: Yeah.Courtney takes Denny’s and Barry’s hand and brings them together. Denny fingers Barry’s hand, Barry caresses Denny’s hand.Alan Shore: And all these publications prefer candid shots. A scared expression is worth more than say, a picture where a celebrity is smiling or posing. Which is why you leapt out from behind the dumpster, to startle her?Dan Rice: Yeah. I was trying to get candid shot of her, yes, but, again, they’re used to that.Again, Denny fingers the hand he is holding.Alan Shore: By ‘they’ I imagine you mean celebrities and other people who, at your discretion alone, have forfeited their right to privacy?Denny is puzzled. He looks down at the hand he is holding. Both he and Barry pull their hand away.Dan Rice: They sign up for it when they chose to be famous.Alan Shore: Did they sign up for having their car run of the road? Because you’ve done that with other celebrities. Haven’t you?A.D.A. Joe Isaacs: Objection. The victim is not on trial here.Alan Shore: The victim is very much on trial. He has three assault arrests.A.D.A. Joe Isaacs: Objection!Alan Shore: ..has broken into houses…A.D.A. Joe Isaacs: Objection!Alan Shore: …spit at celebrities to provoke…A.D.A. Joe Isaacs: Objection!Judge Harvey Hasson: The objections are sustained. This man’s prior actions are not relevant.Alan Shore: But my client’s state of mind is. And many of the paparazzi, Mr Rice included, are criminals. Some very dangerous. Apparently Filipino street gangs have even gotten into the act. Why?A.D.A. Joe Isaacs: Objection.Alan Shore: Because ultimately this is about vast amounts of money.A.D.A. Joe Isaacs: Objection.Judge Harvey Hasson: Sustained.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt in Boston, Brad is in his office. His sister marches in.Beth Guttman: I fired you! And I was expressly clear about that!Brad Chase: That you are insane?Beth Guttman: My daughter.Brad Chase: Who contributed to the death...Beth Guttman: No!Brad Chase: Yes!Beth Guttman: How dare you go behind my back?Brad Chase: It’s Hannah’s call, not your’s.Beth Guttman: She’s sixteen year’s old!Brad Chase: Exactly! She’s got her whole life ahead of her. Now, three months is a good deal. She can serve it over the summer and be back in time for school.Beth Guttman: As a convicted murderer?Brad Chase: Man slaughter.Beth Guttman: Oh my God.Brad Chase: This is not about safeguarding your college transcript. This is the best deal that we could ever hope for. Now I got the DA to go along with us, so for once in your life, just once, trust me.Beth Guttman: Oh, is that what this is all about? Getting me to finally trust you? Proving yourself to your big sister?Brad Chase: At the risk of jeopardizing our relationship any further, you got a friggin problem!Beth Guttman: Oh.Brad Chase: For the past sixteen year your self-esteem has been inextricably bound up with this idea of having a perfect daughter. Well, she’s not perfect. Her resume, college transcript, and yes, even her record, they’re all gonna be blemished. But this does not have to destroy her life! If she takes this to trial she could go to jail for a year. Maybe two. You can’t just wave your magic wand and make this go away. At Crane, Poole and Schmidt in Boston. Paul is in his office. Marlene is with him.Marlene Stanger: Mario inadvertently found it in the trash. She shows him her hand held computer. Paul Lewiston: Mario?Marlene Stanger: Our night janitor. Really lovely gentleman. Helpful. I was so grateful when he found, because I thought I had misplaced it. When I saw this. She shows him the screen, there is a video of Denise pushing the computer into trash and sticking her tongue out at it. I was taking videos of my co-workers to send to my family, I left it in the kitchen. I guess I accidentally left it on recording mode, and well, this happened.Paul Lewiston: Oh my.Marlene Stanger: Maybe Denise thought she was playing a practical joke. But, I just don’t think it’s all that funny. I mean, is that how the lawyers treat each other here?Paul Lewiston: Certainly not.Marlene Stanger: I didn’t think so. But somebody should tell Denise. Because she is full of little pranks. Paul Lewiston: Other pranks?Marlene Stanger: Again, I’m really so uncomfortable with this. But I went out to greet my clients, the Kohns, in the lobby the other day, referrals from my old firm. I was late I admit, as they were scheduled on my personal calendar. But since it was in the trash… Anyway I went out to get them and they were gone. It turns out Denise took them. She wipes a tear from her eye.Paul Lewiston: Denise?Marlene nods.In Judge Simon Devon’s courtroom.Judge Simon Devon You understand, Ms Guttman, that by pleading guilty to involuntary manslaughter you stand convicted of a felony?Hannah Guttman: Yes, sir.Judge Simon Devon: Very well. Ms Raines? The District Attorney’s office joins the recommendation of the defense for three months at Guttenburg?A.D.A. Holly Raines: We do, Your Honor. This is a very serious matter involving the loss of a human life, but we are impressed by the defendant’s remorse. We’re also mindful that she has no previous criminal record and we’re satisfied that three months constitutes a just punishment.Judge Simon Devon: Yeah. You might be satisfied, but I’m not. You see, I have to be cognizant not only of the death of Ryan Cline, but also of the pandemic of pharming drug parties going on in every town all over this country causing the loss of many lives. Three months is an insult to those lives.Brad Chase: Your Honor, this…Judge Simon Devon: I’m talking, Counsel. Court rejects this, and will not entertain any plea which causes Ms Guttman to serve less than three years.Brad Chase: What?Hannah Guttman: Brad?Brad Chase: I ask that Your Honor be recused.Judge Simon Devon: Denied. You wanna go to trial? Fine. But you’ve got me. Which means that I can impose sentence now, or later.In Judge Harvey Hasson’s Courtroom, Alan is questioning Courtney.Courtney Reese: I’ve received seventeen death threats. The latest coming two weeks ago.Alan Shore: You received a death threat just two weeks ago?Courtney Reese: Yes. I also get thousands of letters from prison inmates pledging their love and planning to seek me out upon release. And I get many impropriate prurient letters from people in the outside as well sometimes, doctors, lawyers. I’ve received three in the last day from one of my own lawyers.Denny waves this aside.Alan Shore: You’re clearly the objection of a lot of adoration and obsession.Courtney Reese: Which comes with celebrity and fame, I realize. But this kind of fame… And , add to that the internet.Alan Shore: What does the internet have to do with this?Courtney Reese: With these celebrity stalker sites, everybody can become a member of the paparazzi. And they’ve all got camera’s and email access with their cell phones. I go to the coffee shop for a latte it’s instantly posted. It’s become simple to track my whereabouts. Obsessive people know how to find me. Which is why I got a permit and now carry a gun.Alan Shore: Which you were carrying with you the other night?Courtney Reese: Yes. As I left the restaurant a man charged me in a dark alleyway. I called for him to stop, he didn’t, I saw a black metal in his hand, he raised it. I thought he was carrying a gun. I reacted and shot first.A.D.A. Joe Isaacs: A lot of people track you, follow you, wanna see you in person. That’s the impression I’m getting. True?Courtney Reese: Yes.A.D.A. Joe Isaacs: Most of these people I’m guessing would be innocent fans wanting to get close to you? Also true?Courtney Reese: Or aggressive photographers.A.D.A. Joe Isaacs: Yes. In fact the other night when you arrived at the restaurant you were met by a slew of paparazzi. Weren’t you?Courtney Reese: Yes.A.D.A. Joe Isaacs: Also in fact, you had an altercation on your way into the restaurant that night didn’t you?Courtney Reese: Yes, I did.A.D.A. Joe Isaacs: You’d had enough, hadn’t you?Alan Shore: Objection.A.D.A. Joe Isaacs: This wasn’t self-defense…Alan Shore: Your Honor…A.D.A. Joe Isaacs: ... you were pissed off.Alan Shore: …I made an objection.Judge Harvey Hasson: SustainedA.D.A. Joe Isaacs: In particular you had a vendetta against this man!Alan Shore: Objection. He just sustained the objection.A.D.A. Joe Isaacs: Ms Reese. You’ve encountered Mr Rice before, haven’t you?Courtney Reese: I didn’t recognize him at the time that I shot him.A.D.A. Joe Isaacs: Did you see him going into the restaurant?Courtney Reese: I did. But I didn’t know it was him charging me in the alley.A.D.A. Joe Isaacs: You once got a restraining order against this man.Courtney Reese: I didn’t know it was him when I fired.A.D.A. Joe Isaacs: I see. You just got lucky?Alan Shore: Objection.Judge Harvey Hasson: Sustained.A.D.A. Joe Isaacs: Nothing further.Isaacs returns and sits.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt in Los Angeles. Alan, Denny and Courtney are walking into the conference room.Alan Shore: Courtney, you should have told me that you knew him.Courtney Reese: I don’t really know him. There’s a handful of paparazzi who resort to terrorist tactics. Alan Shore: And you knew him to be of them?Courtney Reese: I didn’t recognize him in the alley.Alan Shore: But you did recognize him on your way into the restaurant? So you knew he was there, you’d had previous run-ins with him. This could be construed that you targeted him.Courtney Reese: I didn’t.Denny Crane: I believe you. Marry me?Courtney Reese: Does he have a mental problem?Alan Shore: Yes. Are there any more surprises?Courtney Reese: Such as?Denny Crane: Like, are you really a man? I could live with that.Alan Shore: Denny! Go lust someplace else! How many run-ins have you had with this particular photographer?Courtney Reese: Several. Along with half a dozen other photographers! But I didn’t know it was him when I fired.Alan Shore: Right. I sincerely hope the jury believes that. Otherwise, famous or not, you’re going to prison. In the courthouse, Brad and A.D.A. Holly Raines are walking down the hallway.A.D.A. Holly Raines: There’s nothing I can do. It’s his call, you know that.Brad Chase: Why did he do this?A.D.A. Holly Raines: I don’t know.Brad Chase: Did you tell him to?A.D.A. Holly Raines: Of course not!Brad Chase: Spoke about my Whistler trip.A.D.A. Holly Raines: Brad!Brad Chase: What happened?A.D.A. Holly Raines: I called one of his former clerks. Evidently Judge Devon lost a teenage daughter to a drug overdose. Maybe that’s in play, I don’t know. But he’s a good judge. He’s a fair one; this seems way out of character. They both look down the hallway at Beth comforting Hannah. Also, for what it’s worth, the clerk gave me some additional back-story. He had a little thing, years ago, with one of your partners.Brad Chase: Who?A.D.A. Holly Raines: Shirley Schmidt.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt in Boston, Denise is in her office, Paul places a laptop computer in front her. The video of her throwing Marlene’s handheld computer in the trash and sticking her tongue out at it is playing on the screen.Paul Lewiston: Marlene says that you conveniently threw away her electronic planner the night before some of her more critical appointment. Including the one with the Kohns.Denise Bauer: First of all, I didn’t poach her clients. I did her a favor. And second of all I didn’t toss her precious little device so she’d miss her appointments. I did it out of spite. As simple as that.Paul Lewiston: I have to say, Denise, that personally I am very disappointed.Denise Bauer: Paul, you know me.Paul Lewiston: Why else would I be disappointed? With the partnership vote this close? It amazes me that you would do something so stupid to jeopardize it.Denise Bauer: Are you saying that b…?Paul Lewiston: What I’m saying is that as of this moment, your chances of making partner… have diminished.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt in Boston, Shirley and Brad are walking down the corridor.Shirley Schmidt: It’s within the sentencing guidelines. It’s not as if you can argue abuse of discretion.Brad Chase: Judges always allow joint recommendation.Shirley Schmidt: But they’re not bound by them, Brad. You know that.Brad Chase: She’s sixteen years old.Shirley Schmidt: Your only hope is to somehow get him recused. But, honestly, I wouldn’t know how.Brad Chase: I’ve been told that you had a relationship with this judge.Shirley Schmidt: Ah.Brad Chase: Shirley, I would never try to exploit this.Shirley Schmidt: Sure you would. That’s why you’re here.Brad Chase: I don’t know what else to do. I won’t get it overturned on appeal. I don’t know what else to do. In Judge Harvey Hasson’s courtroom, all parties are present. A.D.A. Joe Isaacs is giving his closing.A.D.A. Joe Isaacs: She knew the paparazzi were there. She had an altercation on the way in. She had to know it was possible that the man in the alley was a photographer. They ambush her all the time. What the hell? She opened fire anyway; figure in the darkness, BOOM! Shoot first, ask questions later. I guess. The truth is celebrities like Courtney Reese get away with things all the time. Ticket to the Roll Stones concert. A table at a crowded restaurant with no reservation. This is her life. All day. Every day. She gets away with things. And so when a photographer tries to take her picture, and she doesn’t like it, and she happens to have a particular grudge against this man she thinks she can get away with shooting him. Because fame is power. It is privilege. It is a sense of entitlement. Now, I’m sure none of you wanna live in a world where there’s one set of laws for the famous people and another set for the rest of us. The facts in this case do not say that Courtney Reese is an actress or a model or a world famous celebrity. The facts in this case say that she’s a criminal who tried to murder somebody.Alan Shore: A neuro-biologist at Duke University conducted an experiment where he gave a group of thirsty monkeys a choice of either having their favorite drink, which was some sort of cherry juice concoction, or of having the opportunity to look at pictures of the dominant, ‘celebrity’ monkey in their pack. Despite their thirst and the allure of the cherry juice, they chose to look at the pictures. Apparently monkeys have a part of their brain that specifically responds to the thrill of celebrity. As do we. Think about that for a moment. A part of our intricate, fantastic and powerful mental machinery specifically responds to Courtney Reese and others who have achieved her level or notoriety. We have hundreds of magazines and websites to follow and track them, stalk them, not to mention cultivate a public obsession for them. It is totally and utterly out of control. Her fear of being followed, or assaulted or even murdered is not an irrational one. She receives threats on her life, obsessive declarations of love, psychotic musings about imagined relations or phantom encounters, and because of celebrity stalker websites her movements and whereabouts can be tracked to the second! That’s the world she lives in! So, what happened that night? A man came towards her in the dark, quickly. She told him to stop; he didn’t, fearing for her life, she acted to protect herself. She didn’t shot to kill. She wounded him in the shoulder, to stop his charge. She was afraid. Was her fear reasonable?Some years ago, a young actress named Rebecca Shafer was shot and killed by a fan in front of her apartment building. Monica Seles was stabbed in the back, on a tennis court during a match. Gianni Versace was gunned down as he stepped down from his home in Miami. George Harrison was stabbed in his home in the country; John Lennon was shot four times in the back by a devoted fan as he was coming home in evening with his wife. Courtney Reese carried a gun with her because of all that had come before, and she didn’t want to be next. That is reasonable.Judge Simon Devon is in his chambers. Shirley comes in.Shirley Schmidt: Simon.Judge Simon Devon: Ex parte, Shirley. You, of all people, should know better.Shirley Schmidt: Yes. Let’s file this meeting under that category then. “Things we should know better.”Judge Simon Devon: A boy died.Shirley Schmidt: So did a girl, twelve years ago. Is that in play?Judge Simon Devon: You’re out of line.Shirley Schmidt: A wise man once said to me, over a martini I believe, you can take all the facts of a case, figure in all the lawyers, extenuating circumstances, and still, people forget in the end it all really comes down to the judge. You said it with such a charming twinkle.Judge Simon Devon: I was trying to get laid.Shirley Schmidt: And boy did you. A case in my office has fallen into the hands of the wrong judge. This ruling can’t bring your daughter back, Simon.Judge Simon Devon: But perhaps it can stop others from dying.Shirley Schmidt: Do you really believe that?。

目录第5集 (2)第6集 (45)第7集 (84)第8集 (125)第5集嫌疑犯于晚上10:30 被发现Suspects were first observedat approximately 10:30 P.M.在警察局对面Across the street from the station house. "罗宾"和"猫女"负责放哨Robin and catwoman stood guard 而"蝙蝠侠"在擦洗一辆停着的警车as batman soaped an unoccupied police vehicle.是SUV 法官阁下那种耗油吓死人的车S.U.V., Y our honor,an egregious gas guzzler.-而且还很脏-继续警官- And filthy, by the way.- Continue, officer.Brody警官和我到达现场后与他们发生了激烈争执Officer Brody and I approached.An altercation ensued.我们以为他们只是穿着剧服的流氓We thought they were hooligans dressed in costume.或着是一群乡巴佬As the village people, perhaps.嫌犯拒捕These suspects then attemptedto evade apprehension并向我们扔了许多鸡蛋by discharging one ormore eggs in our direction.对他们的指控包括恶意破坏拒捕拉皮条The charges are vandalism,resisting arrest, and pandering.拉皮条?Pandering?我们所作所为完全出于应激反应Our only tricks werein conjunction with our treating,而且我哪像拉皮条的?and I do not look like a pimp.你像白痴Y ou look like an idiot.－法官大人这只"猫"是个有名的妓女－我反对The cat's a known prostitute,your honor. / I object to that!好了取下面具All right, masks off now.我知道你I know you.Alan ShoreAlan Shore.法官大人很高兴见到你Good to see you, judge.这是我的同事Tara WilsonMy colleague Tara Wilson.你好Hello.能告诉我为什么Would you care to explain to me两个律师和一个妓女搞在一起why two attorneys areoutcavorting with a prostitute?我们需要人扮演猫女We needed somebody to be catwoman.拿着皮鞭的那种Someone with a whip.Mr.Shore 你是一个有天赋的律师Mr. Shore, while you are a gifted attorney, 可你也让整个法律界蒙羞you bring embarrassment andshame to the legal community.谢谢你这么说阁下Y ou're very kind, sir.案件撤销Case dismissed.跟Markham协议怎么样了?What's this with the Markham settlement? 他拒绝签字He refuses to sign.不停在字眼里挑刺He keeps redlining us on language.估计因为税收问题他想拖到下一年We think that he's postponing it until after the new year for tax reasons.我会尽力施加压力I'll keep pushing him as best I can.说点私事我想提醒大家记得投票On a personal aside, I'd liketo remind everyone to vote.不管政见如何都是我们的公民义务It's our civic duty.Whatever our politics,哪怕是世界末日我们还是美国人at the end of the day,we're Americans.就算流血也要是蓝白红色的We bleed red, white, and blue. Morgan对Rayburn的案子Morgan vs. Rayburn.还在审理中Still in trial.这个客户的证词不可靠The client survived histestimony barely.Tara和我正想办法达成协议也说点私事Tara and I are pushing a settlement, and on a personal aside,-我觉得无聊-什么?- I'm bored.- I beg your pardon?你们老给我些无聊案子Y ou people keep assigning methese boring cases.要在从前我的委托人里有杀人的At my old firm, I got murderers.还有在公共洗手间自慰的I had clients who had touched themselves in public restrooms.这些人才是真正的客户These are people you could root for,说不定还能来段罗曼史not to mention relate to.Mr.Shore 莫非你想另某高就?Is there some other placeyou'd rather be, Mr. Shore?是的我想上电视Y es, I want to be on cable.最棒的案子都在那里That's where all the bestwork is being done.-Holcomb的案子谁在做?-呃Edwin Poole- Who's doing the Holcomb case?- Uh, that's Edwin Poole.-不是你...-我只是负责处理些小事- Aren't you...- I just handled the decert motion.不负责庭审的I didn't prep the trial.当然那Edwin把案子分配给谁了? Surely, Edwin assigned itto somebody?这个...Well, um...其实...actually...Denny?Denny?你在负责Holcomb药品案？Are you handling the Holcomb pharmaceuticals trial?是我I am.你准备好了?Are you prepared to try this case?我会的I will be.你会的...你知不知道明天就要开审了?Y ou will be. Are you awarethe trial begins tomorrow?Lori 我们有麻烦了We have a problem, Lori.你至少得给我看着点DennyY ou at least need to backstopDenny here.-我没..-可我不能I don't... / I can't.今天我就有案子要上庭I'm in trial myself today.什么案子?In trial on what?我..嗯..我几天前接了个法庭指派的案子I, um, was assigned a casea couple of days ago,至少我是接下来了..which I sort of took.什么样的?What kind of case?这个..只是个..Uh, just a...凶杀案homicide.什么?What?你怎么突然开始接受法庭指派了? Why are you suddenlytaking court appointments?我只是需要点改变I just need kind ofa change, that's all.现在所有人都不满意了这算什么?Now everyone here is dissatisfied? What is this?上周我处理的案子The case I did last week...它某种程度上让我想明白了一些事it kind of awakened me a little.我想要和人有更多的相处I'm feeling the needto connect with people.-是犯罪的人吧-请不要那么浅薄- Criminal people.- Please don't trivialize this.辩护与起诉相差很多Lori Criminal defense is a far cryfrom criminal prosecution, Lori.你不会喜欢的Y ou won't like it.你怎么会知道我还没...How can you possibly knowthat before I even...我了解你I know you.那么..So...我们可以开始了?Shall we?当然你有Morgan的地址吗?We shall. Do you haveMorgan's address?我有但其实我想说I do, but what I meant is,我们从昨晚中断的地方继续吧shall we continue wherewe left off last night?你在我房子前面朝着植物撒尿In front of my buildingwith you peeing in the planter.我差点就爆了你应该让我上楼的I was about to burst.Y ou should've let me come up.那些植物需要浇水了That plant needed watering.Tara 你应该让我上去的Y ou should've let me come up, Tara. 零晨四点我让你上来了It was 4:00 A.M.I let you up,接着能记得的就是我们在酒吧next thing we know,we're in the liquor cabinet.2分钟后后就什么也不知道了Two minutes after that,passed out.Robin四仰八叉缠在蝙蚨侠身上Robin sprawled across batman.在司法厅他们会怎么说What would they sayat the hall of justice?这就是你担心的？四仰八叉Was that what you wereafraid of, the sprawling?我叫你出来玩是想让你忘记SallyI invited you out toget your mind off Sally.你是做到了我又是那个你熟悉的荒唐的人了Y ou've succeeded. It's back toan old, familiar wanton place.Alan 我们说好了我们不可能Alan, we agreed thatyou and I couldn't work.是为什么来着? 我忘记了What was the reason again?I've forgotten.因为会惹麻烦It would be trouble.只是一晚我们就完全失控然后倒在酒吧后面One night out, we lose all control Which was utterly intoxicating, and end up behind bars.回味无穷不是吗? 一起疯狂was it not, losing control together?00:06:34,572 --> 00:06:35,573怎样TaraWhat about it, Tara?都这么久了我们或许应该开始脱光..After all this time,maybe we should undress.我们要迟到了We're late.很厚的文件Thick file.当然很厚Of course, it's a thick file.这是上千人共同起诉的案子It's a class action involvingthousands of plaintiffs,而且错综复杂Dennyand it's complicated, Denny.Thick file.你看我们唯一能做的就是请求法官的谅解Look, all we can do is throw ourselvesat the mercy of the judge.你跟我去见法官解释下Edwin的状况If you and I both go to see himand explained Edwin's situation,或许能争取到一些时间maybe he'll give us some time.厚啊...Thick file.7万美元$70,000.这是他们开的价It's their opening offer.Mr.Morgan 你是个好人Y ou seem like a verynice man, Mr. Morgan.可也像个忧郁症患者Y ou also seem like a hypochondriac.我是真的头疼These headaches are real.我相信I have no doubt.你曾经还抱怨过Y ou've also complainedon several occasions你感染了塔那痘病毒(Tanapox virus 痘病毒科)that you were sufferingfrom tanapox virus.我发现皮肤上有典型的泡疹Because I noticed thecharacteristic papular lesions.它们非常容易破掉They're very tender.直径大约2厘米Approximately 2 centimeters in diameter. 你要知道塔那痘病毒是非洲靠近赤道附近的地方病Y ou realize the tanapox virusis endemic to equatorial Africa.－你去了那么多次旅途愉快吗？Y es. / Have you enjoyed your many visits to equatorial Africa?我从来没去过I've never been there.呃这样的话Ah. Then perhaps...你应该可以看出我们的麻烦所在了吧Mr.Morgan you can see the outlineof our problem, Mr. Morgan.可这不是我的错Look, it's not my fault.我去图书馆I go to the library,查资料and I read books.我想知道怎样才能好起来And I try to understandhow I might get better,可有时侯书里的内容反而让我更害怕了but sometimes, the books,they scare me even more他们总是能描述出那些连我自己都不知道已经得了的病because they describe diseasesI didn't even know I had.大概我是有忧郁症Maybe I am a hypochondriac.你怎么想?What do you take for that?Colson小姐我之前从来没有打过架Miss Colson, I have never beenin a fight before.这样我们要找一两个证人Okay, we need to be ableto call a witness or two谁能来证明你并不暴力who can speak to yournonviolent character.我妈妈可以Well, I told you, my mother.母亲有偏袒嫌疑最好不要Mothers tend to come off as biased.应该还有其他人的There's gotta be somebody else.朋友同事一定还有Friends, coworkers.There's gotta be somebody.可我在家住在家工作我几乎不出门的Well, I live at home, I work at home,I hardly ever go out.我妈妈是唯一能...My mother's the only one...但我要提前警告你but I gotta warn you,她的形象不是很好she doesn't make the best impression.什么意思?What do you mean?她有一个玻璃假眼Well, she's got a glass eye.尺寸不太合适所以她一激动...And it doesn't fit so good,and when she gets upset...如果你让她出庭作证if you put her on the stand,不要惹她发怒don't get her upset.我去吧台拿些喝的I went up to the barto get a few drinks,我转过身就看到唔and when I turned around,that's when I saw, uh,Jared和他在吵架Jared and him exchanging words.我看得出他们言词不善And I could tell it wasn't friendly.他?By him?就是被告The defendant.我开始往回走那里非常拥挤So I started heading back,and the place was really packed.我被堵住了So I was kinda blocked.那时看到Jared在推他That's when I saw Jared push him,然后Jared挥了一拳然后...and then Jared took a swing, and...就这样了That was it.什么样了?What was "it"?告诉我们你所看到的Tell us what you saw.被告就朝Jared喉咙猛击了一下The defendant, he just threwa punch right at Jared's throat,Jared就瘫倒在地了and Jared collapsed to the ground.我赶到那时When I got there,他呼吸很困难而且...he was hardly breathing, and...他嘴里不断发出倒抽气的声音he was making, like, a sucking noise. 最后他停止了呼吸And then he just stopped breathing.我试过人工呼吸And I tried to do mouth-to-mouth,有个说会CPR的人也尝试了可他... (CPR 心肺复苏术)and so did another guy whosaid he knew CPR, but he...他只是躺在那里死了He just died right there on the floor.好的Okay.Quinlan先生这很关键Now, Mr. Quinlan, this is important.尽可能的详细描述那一个猛击Describe the punch as best you can.很短促直接的击打我可以It was a short, direct punch,and I could....我可以从他握拳的姿势and I could tell by the wayhe was holding his hand和他出拳样子知道他会武术and how he threw the punchthat he knew martial arts.那是致命的一击It was a kill punch.－反对!－反对有效Objection! / Sustained.根据你的说法为什么你会认为那是致命的一击Why, in your lay opinion, sir,did you regard it as a kill punch?－反对－反对驳回Objection. / Overruled.他可以回答He can answer.攻击对方的喉咙会导致喉部的衰竭By hitting the throat,you can make it collapse,受击打者就会窒息and then the person suffocates.就像已经发生的那样Which is exactly what happened.谢谢Okay.你并没有看到争吵的开始Y ou didn't actually seethe altercation begin.你只是转过身看到他们正在说话Y ou turned around, andthey were having words.-是的-你听不到他们在说什么- That's right.- Y ou couldn't hear what was said?-是的-Mr.Quinlan 警察在现场做笔录时No. / Mr. Quinlan, when the police arrived and questioned you,你有否说过我委托人的那一拳did you tell them that you recognized my client's punch是武术里的一种拳法as a form of martial arts?没有我不肯定...No, I was probably...你有否对警方描述了那一拳就像你刚才对陪审团说的那样Did you demonstrate to themthe fist you just made for the jury?我当时太震惊了I was too shook up.事实上你从未提到过武术二字In fact, you made no mentionof martial arts直到这两个字被印上了报纸until after it was publishedin the newspapers.当我读到的时候这两个字提醒了我And when I read it, it clicked.它很恰当就像我所看到的那样It all made perfect sense,because that's what I saw.所以当你面对警方详细询的时候Y ou just forgot to mention it你只是忘记提到了那一拳when the police specificallyasked you what you saw.请问那晚你喝了多少啤酒?How many beers had you hadthat night, sir?－3瓶－Jared Grant喝了多少?Three. / How many beers hadJared Grant had?－3瓶－所以你承认没有听到他们的争吵Three. / So you admittedly couldn't hear the exchange,也承认没看到争执的开始you admittedly didn't seethe altercation begin,而且你还喝了酒and you'd been drinking.没有人能预计Edwin Poole的病Certainly no one could anticipateEdwin Poole's illness.这个病几周前就发作了This unanticipated illnessoccurred weeks ago.你们在庭审前一天才来找我Y ou come to me the day before the trial? 实际上这是我们的工作疏忽The simple truth is,this one fell through the cracks.起诉方的证人有些是从城外赶来的The plaintiff has witnessesfrom out of town.我们非常乐意补偿这些损失We'd be willing to assume those costs. 天啊多么自大的一群人Gee, what a swell bunch of guys.－法官阁下－哦不不不我最讨厌这样的Y our honor.../ oh, no, no, no,I'm sick of this.你们在用拖延策略Y our firm has employed a strategy systemic heel-dragging.-这不符职业道德-Edwin poole是唯一一个知道...It is immoral. / Edwin pooleis the only one who know...这是谁的错?Whose fault is that?你们自己玩忽职守Y ou people should be suedfor malpractice.Brian 你和我有交情Brian, you and I have a relationship.我把你当朋友I think of you as a friend.不过交情排在原则的后面抱歉Well, that friendship has gotta takea back seat to principle, I'm sorry. Brian 你知道考虑到我们的关系Well, you know, Brian,given our relationship,我觉得当友谊陷入困境时我应该坦诚相待I feel entitled to be honest the wayfriends are during difficult times.我能对你坦诚吗BrianCan I be honest with you, Brian?－请说－DennyPlease. Denny...你是个混蛋还是个贪婪的混蛋Y ou're a bastard,and a greedy one at that.这是件共同起诉案This is a class action.合并审判一下解决这么多案子让你大受赞赏Y ou get credit for all the consolidatedcases in one fell swoop.你正在谋求首席法官的位置Y ou're looking to makepresiding judge.所以年终你更需要建功立业Y ou need that creditby calendar year's end.所以你急切的要案子进行来装饰你的诉讼记录That's why you're desperate to movethis thing forward, to pad your docket.这是野心不是道德你是个贪婪的流着鼻涕的小人This is about ambition, not morality,you greedy, sniveling little wop.延期申请不通过Motion for continuance denied.你知道我要怎么做吗BrianY ou know what I'm gonna do, Brian,为了证明我俩没伤到和气just to show you thereare no hard feelings?我要和你的妻子上床I'm gonna sleep with your wife.我们建议要么你解雇我们It is our recommendation thatyou discharge us as counsel.向法官请求时间找新律师Ask the judge for timeto find new attorneys.或者明天照常继续The only alternative isproceeding tomorrow,我估计没人这样希望which I don't think we want to do. Edwin Poole从来没有告诉我们审理的日期Edwin Poole never evengave us this trial date.他说还没确定He told us it was continued indefinitely.所以我们建议你解雇我们Which is why we're suggestingthat you discharge us.法官必须给你时间找新律师He has got to give you timeto find new counsel.- Sally 这次必须你来- 我?- Y ou have to handle this, Sally.- Me?瞧我对玻璃眼球有心理障碍Look, I have this thingabout glass eyes.我有个老师也这样I once had a teacherwith a glass eye,有时候他一激动起来and sometimes when he'd get mad,就拿出来往桌子上拍he'd take it out andwhack it on his desk.简直是恶梦It gave me nightmares.嗨Hi, there.嘿Hey.她怎么了?What was that?没什么Nothing.看上去有人急切的渴望Someone just seemsa little overeager和Alan Shore旧情复燃to rekindle the flame with Alan Shore. 我们坚持7万美元The offer was firm at $70,000.是的可如果不那么坚持你们多提高1/4 我们就接受了Y es, we thought if you'd un-firm itto one and a quater, we could be done. 而你的委托人明天就不用上庭Y our client wouldn't haveto testify tomorrow,当然他就能更多的误诊其他人了which, of course, would freehim up to misdiagnose others.看来你还没明白Mr. Shore.Y ou don't seem to get it, Mr. Shore.给7万美元我们只是要摆脱无赖纠缠We offered $70,000as nuisance change.是的我们只是觉得Mr. MorganY es. We just feel Mr. Morgan要比你说的更令人无赖is a much bigger nuisancethan you give him credit for.而我更是无比的无赖我们应该可以为此再多拿点And I'm an enormous nuisance.We should get something for that.－我想吐－你会没事的- I feel nauseous.- Y ou'll be fine.敲门Knock on it.－你来－Sally!Y ou knock on it. / Sally!如果是我负责与她对话至少你来敲门If I'm doing the talking,the least you could do is...律师？Y ou, his lawyers?－嗨－嗨Hi. / Hi.我是Sally Heep 这位是I'm Sally Heep. This is...-Lori Colson-你好Lori Colson. Hello.嗯我们想问几个问题Binder夫人如果可以的话Uh, we just wanted to ask you a few questions, Mrs. Binder, if we could. 进来Come on in.他是个心地善良的好男孩He's a wonderful boywith a gentle heart.是的我们的问题是Y es, our problem is,你似乎是唯一一个了解他的人you seem to be the only personto truly know him.他觉得因为这个假眼我不会是个好证人He think I'll make a bad witnesson account of the eye.它是玻璃的看到了吗?It's glass, you see.近些看Look close.是的Y es.嗯Y eah.事情是这样的The thing is,检控方宣称the prosecution is obviously claiming Jason的心地并不善良that Jason's heart is not gentle.他和人有过纠纷吗?Has he ever been in trouble?他曾经被拘捕过吗?Has he ever been arrested?他替其他人惹过麻烦吗?Has he ever caused anyproblems for anybody?没有他是个好人我也是这么教他的No, he is a nice young man,and it's the way I raised him.这就是我们希望你说的That's exactly whatwe'll need you to say.也许我可以带你去买点衣服做个头发I'm also maybe gonna take you shopping, get your hair done.－形象越好…－Jared Grant 他该死- The more presentable...- He deserved to die, Jared Grant.为什么这么说?Why do you say that?他打了我的Jason.He beat up my Jason.不过他没有打得很厉害Well, he didn't exactly beat him up.－只是发生了口角－他痛打了他- There was an altercation.- He beat him up.那个男的是恶魔他该死The man is evil, andhe deserved to die!- 冷静下来- 我告诉你了他该死!- Let's calm down.- He deserved it, I tell you!Rayburn医生Dr. Rayburn,Mr. Morgan 由你来负责超过6个月了over the six months thatMr. Morgan was in your care,他来过你这多少次?how many visits did he maketo your practice?38次38.算多吗?Is that a lot?比其他病人多出四倍Four times as manyas any other patient.我们玩笑说他是办公室的吉祥物We joked he was the office mascot. 你说的出病状他就坚信自己得了那些病Y ou name the condition Mr. Morgan was convinced he had it.伤风感冒支气管炎Cold, flu, bronchitis,带状疱疹成人发作性糖尿病shingles, adult onset diabetes.我从来没说过糖尿病I never complained ofadult onset diabetes.那个的症状应该是口渴That's characterizedby excessive thirst.你觉得我今天喝了很多水?Does it seem to you likeI've been drinking a lot today?我确定你很好BillI'm sure you're fine, Bill.Mr. Morgan 认为你的疏忽导致了他今天的状况Mr. Morgan contends your neglect drove him to this state.实际上我已经尽量的容忍他了The truth is, I bent over backwards to accommodate him.他总要求立刻见我He always needed tobe seen immediately,无论我有多忙and busy as my practice is,我总是挤出时间I always made the time.我为你感到骄傲先生为你不知疲倦的对待我的委托人I applaud you, sir, for yourtireless commitment to my client.多好的人!What a guy!－反对－反对有效Objection. / Sustained.所以这38次都算在诊所头上？G So these 38 visits, on the house?什么?I'm sorry?它们都是免费的？They were free visits?不是No.哦~!Oh!所以你是收了钱的这就合理了So you charged him.That makes sense.所以当他抱怨浑身无力So with all his complaining,his incapacitation,痛苦的脸皱成一团that pinched look on his face,其实一点毛病没有there's nothing wrong with him.临床上没有而问题出在他脑袋里了Nothing clinically, no.It's in his head.只是普通的偏头痛对吗? Traditional home forthe migraine, is it not?是心身失调It's psychosomatic.他是个典型的抑郁症患者He's a classic hypochondriac.我明白了I see.所以还是有个诊断的Well, there's a diagnosis.那么告诉我你开出了什么处方Tell me, what treatment did you prescribe 医治我委托人的典型的抑郁症for my client's classic hypochondria?我是全科医生不是精神病学医师I'm a general practitioner,not a psychiatrist.所以你建议他出去找...So you referred him out to...谁?whom?没有特定的谁No one in particular.我告诉了他他需要帮助I did tell him he needed help.我甚至给了他一个从业者的名单I believe I even gave hima list of practitioners.所以当他仍然来看病So he kept coming to you,你只是继续收钱却不治疗you kept taking his money,you did not treat him,而且还建议他去看...and you referred him to...一个不确定的医生no one in particular.我是全科医生I'm a G.P.我告诉他要进行精神治疗I told him to seek mental treatment.我只是建议我不能强迫他I advised it. I can't force it.所以我们再总结一次他不停的来你不停的收钱Once again, he kept coming,you kept taking the money,然后建议他去看一个...and you referred him to...不确定的医生no one in particular.那么你要解雇你的律师?So you now want to fire your lawyers?是的法官阁下Y es, your honor.我们不知道审理什么时候开始We had no idea trial was about to start.足以说明他们有多不合格That's how incompetentthese people are.我估计你也没意识到And I suppose you had no idea你的公司正欺诈着老年人your company was bilking senior citizens? 当然阁下你也一定是开明的因为.. Certainly your honor intends to keepan open mind with regard to the...就这么决定了Here's the deal.我可以给你一天找律师24个小时I give you one day to findnew counsel, 24 hours.这以后我会对你们的拖延罚以每天25万美元After that, I'm fining you $250,000a day for any further delay.这看上去像公报私仇It almost seemed personal.你们做过什么招惹这家伙没?Have you done anythingto upset this guy?我不记得有过Not that I can think of.看撇开准备这事不谈Well, look, aside frompreparation concerns,我们有更大的问题了we got a bigger problem.这个法官他有偏见This judge, he's biased.所以我想建议This is what I propose we do.－我们起草一份和谈申请要求...－那是25万美元一天File an interlocutory appeal and ask... / At $250,000 a day.要求和谈我们就有路可走了While we're filing that appeal,we'll go forward.如果赢了我们就能搁置审判Should we win,we can suspend the trial.输了也不会被罚款Should we lose,we won't incur the fine.你的人能搞定这个吗?But are you people readyto try this case?我来I can try it.Denny CraneDenny Crane.有几个谈判都被搁置了There were some settlement discussions that broke down.如果Denny开局不错他们应该会回到谈判桌前If Denny can open big, thatmight bring them back to the table,这也是目前唯一的办法which may be the best wayto go at this point.是四年前在Brighton的一个公园It was four years agoat a park in Brighton.你遇到了被告Y ou met the defendant.这个不能算是遇到Well, I didn't exactly meet him.那是什么?Well, what then?我海扁了他一顿I beat the crap out of him.抱歉Excuse me.我已经改过自新了I was a different person then.好的Mr. Stone 请详细告诉我们那时发生了什么Okay, Mr. Stone, we need to be very specific about what happened back then. 当时他想跟我们一起打篮球Well, he tried to getinto a game of pickup hoops.我和一个兄弟就骂了他几句Me and another guy in the game we started dissing him a little.他回了嘴He said something back,我们就狠揍了他一顿and we beat him up pretty good.当然我并不引以为傲I'm not proud of it.你确定那是Jason Binder?And you're sure it was Jason Binder. 是的Y eah,看到报纸上的照片我记得他的脸when I saw his picture on the news, I remembered his face.绝对是他It was definitely him.那另一个打他的人呢?And what about the other guywho beat him up?Jared Grant 就是他杀的那个Jared Grant, the guy he killed.你骗了我Y ou lied to me.在打架前你就...Not only were you in a fight before... 这不代表什么it doesn't prove anything.他们有你杀人的动机了Jason Now they have a motive, Jason.被害人四年前打了你然后你就开始练习跆拳道The victim beats you up four years ago, you take up Taekwondo,这么巧你又遇到了他you just so happen to encounter him, 于是就杀了他at which point you kill him?不是你说的那样It wasn't like that.这就是为什么你妈妈会说他该死因为That's why your mom saidhe deserved to die, because...不是那样的It wasn't like that.我还能去辩护什么?What am I supposed to argue now? 坦白讲Jason 是为了报仇你才去酒吧的吗?Let's have it, Jason.Did you go to that bar to get revenge? 我是去让自己面对他I went there to stand up to him.你无法想象我受着怎样的煎熬被他们...Y ou have no ideahow haunted I was by...四年前我连手都没敢举起来过I didn't even put upmy hands four years ago.不是挨打在折磨我It wasn't getting beat upthat stuck with me.是我根本没...It was that I didn't even...我只是任由自己挨打I just let myself get beat up.所以你开始练习武术So you took up martial arts.然后我去了那里找他And I went there to stand up to him. 我没有想要打架I didn't plan to fight.更没想过杀他I certainly didn't go there to kill him. 当他一拳挥来我只是...Then when he swung at me,I just...反击了I swung back.我没有想杀他I never meant to kill him.我们多收了谁的钱?Who are we overbilling?医疗保险还是那些老人们? medicare or senior citizens?都有但医疗保险没有起诉我们Both, but medicare isn't suing us."我们"是指制药公司?"Us." Meaning the drug company.－是的－但如果是医院在滥收费Correct. / But if the hospitalsare doing the overcharging,那帮老年人干吗要告制药公司?why are the seniors suingthe drug company?Denny 我们已经讨论这个问题了Denny, we've been over this before.制药公司也就是我们的委托人跟医院有私下协议The drug company, our client, hasthe sweetheart deals with the hospitals. 我们给医院回扣医院则虚高药的成本价We give them rebates so they disguise the real cost of the drugs.向医疗保险开出高于原价的帐单相当于滥计成本They then bill medicare for the higher, allegedly inflated costs.真的这我们要怎么辩Really. What's our defense to that?－7万5千美元－你们只提高了5千块$75,000.Y ou've upped your offer by $5,000.已经相当慷慨了We feel it's generous,尤其是你的委托人没有实质性的伤害particularly when your client's injuries aren't real.- 那些病是真的- 好了Bill- They're real.- All right, Bill.你要知道Mr. Morgan我不是那种挑拨离间的律师Y ou know, Mr. Morgan, I don't typically counsel opposing parties,但我建议你起诉你的律师失职but I might advise a legal malpractice claim against the attorney就是那个灌输你百万发财梦的律师who filled your headwith million-dollar windfalls.你那里好像有点什么Y ou seem to have a little something wedged第4 第5之间between numbers four and five.估计本来就长在你嘴里I guess it's just part of your mouth.最后说一次能接受的...One last proposal that'sentirely possible...当然算不算玩笑取决于你的反应I'm kidding, by the way, depending upon your reaction,30万成交$300,000, sealed.私下我们退还你5万We kick back $50,000to you under the table.Mr. Shore 我向你保证我不是那种律师Mr. Shore, I guarantee you,I am not that kind of attorney.真的Really.上帝我是Gosh, I am.我要直接向律师协会举报你I should report you directly to the bar, 或者是向检查官if not the district attorney.如果你这么想那我就是在开玩笑Well, if that's how you feel,then I was kidding.我要去法官那了I'm going to the judge now.太棒了一场诉讼Excellent. New trial.你委托人的花费一定要超过7万5了That'll certainly cost your client much more than $75,000.你的提议不被接受Y our offer is rejected.万一他去法官那...Suppose he does, go to the judge.拜托他可不想弄个无效审判他觉得稳操胜券了Oh, please, he doesn't wanta mistrial. He thinks he's won.再说他没法证明我不是开玩笑Plus, he can't proveI wasn't kidding.我有名的搞笑I'm known to be funny.这是个连蚊子都不杀的孩子This is a child whowouldn't slap a mosquito.他只是挥走它们He would shoo it away.他甚至不能容忍自己去伤害一只苍蝇或是任何动物He couldn't bring himselfto harm a fly or any animal,更何况是人certainly not a human being.四年心怀怨恨你不认为他会爆发? Four years harboring a grudgedoesn't suggest a rage to you?他总被人欺负Mr. MartinHe was bullied by manypeople, Mr. Martin,－不仅仅是Jared Grant.－但他杀了Jared Grant.- not just Jared Grant.- But he killed Jared Grant.他只是被迫去打架He got into a fight,而结果是个不幸的悲剧which had a tragic ending.他从没意图去谋杀他也不能He never intended to kill,。

Boston LegalShock and Oww!Season 2, Episode 18Written by David E. Kelley2006 David E. Kelley Productions. All Rights Reserved.Broadcast: March 7, 2006Transcribed by Imamess of JSMP for [transcript updated March 17, 2006]Denny Crane, in his pj's, is in bed with remote in hand watching The View. There's a knock on the door.Alan Shore: Denny? You ready to go? He comes in. Denny? You must go to work. It's Hump Day, your favorite day.Denny Crane: I don't have a favorite anything any more.Alan Shore: Listen. I understand the need to retreat into oneself after a failed love affair, but you haven't gone to work in three days. You've been in that bed for two, you're drinking scotch at nine in the morning, and most disturbingly you're watching The View.Denny Crane: Leave me alone.Denny snuggles under his covers. Alan reaches under the cover.Denny Crane: Hey! Hey! Hey!! Same team. Same team!They scuffle for the remote. Alan wins.Alan Shore: Consider this an intervention.Denny Crane: It’s no use, Alan. Nothing interests me anymore.Alan switches the channel to the local news. On the TV a reporter is covering a local story. Shots of ordinary looking man being dragged from his home by police—this is Russel Blayney. Reporter: Construction worker Russell Blayney arrested for attempted murder for setting a bobby trap in his home to catch burglars. Miguel Quinones allegedly broke into Blayney’s house and received a reported fifty thousand volts of electricity through his body, paralyzing him from the waist down. And leaving us all with the question: Russell Blayney: Victim or Vigilante?Denny Crane:He jumps out of his bed. Suddenly focused, intense. That case! I want that case.Alan Shore:Eyeing him. I see your bliss is back, as well.In Judge Diane Avent’s courtroom. Defense Attorney Warren Peters stands with the accused, Russell Blayney. A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg addresses Judge Avent.A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg: Your Honor, the Commonwealth moves that bail be denied. Mr Blayney is charged with attempted murder and is an obvious flight risk.Warren Peters:He is nervous, and in over his head.If I may, my client…Denny Crane: Your Honor! Denny is in the doorway. I need a moment with my client.Judge Diane Avent is confused.Judge Diane Avent: You don’t have a client here, Mr Crane?Denny Crane: Count to ten, Judge. He crosses to Blayney, ignoring Peters. Mr Blayney? Do you know who I am?Russell Blayney: Yeah, you’re Denny Crane. I've seen you on Larry King. You’re famous.Denny Crane: So? Who would you rather have as your attorney? Me? Or Hacky McGuilty Verdict here? Speechless, Blayney looks to Peters.Warren Peter: I've faced him before. You'd rather have him.Denny Crane:To Peters. Don’t feel bad, son. It takes a big man to recognize a bigger man.Judge Diane Avent: We’re waiting, Mr Crane.Denny Crane:He steps forward, a man in charge. Ah, I move for a continuance, Your Honor. Judge Avent gives him an acidic look. I just got this case.Alan walks into his office at Crane, Poole and Schmidt. Shirley Schmidt is waiting.Alan Shore: Shirley? First thing in the morning, haven't even had my coffee.Shirley Schmidt: Normally I'd make a witty retort about caffeine and your aging reproductive system but, not today, Alan, I have a problem. Karl Hauser died this week.Alan Shore: The photographer?Shirley Schmidt: I knew him years ago. We hadn’t been in touch in some time, but… well, he’s dead. Alan Shore: I’m sorry.Shirley Schmidt: I met Karl when I was a sophomore at Welsley. I spent the summer in Manhattan and we met in the west village. He was… She chuckles. …this amazing fascinating man and he told me I was very pretty, and I did some modeling for him.Alan Shore: Please tell me this going where I think its going.Shirley Schmidt: Yeah, it is. Karl took some very tasteful black and white nudes of me.Alan Shore: I am so disappointed in you, Shirley. Tasteful?Shirley Schmidt: There's going to be an estate auction and I want you to find a way to block the sale of those photographs.Alan Shore: How many pictures are we talking about?Shirley Schmidt: I think there were fifteen, maybe twenty…Alan Shore: That's not so many.Shirley Schmidt: … rolls of film that he used.Alan Shore: I am so glad I came into work today.Shirley Schmidt: Down boy. This is serious. Karl promised me that he wouldn't show the photographs to anyone. However, I signed a standard release saying that he could show them to everyone.Alan Shore: Why are you so worried about this, Shirley? You were young. Young people do all sorts of things. And now! You wear clothes to the office every single day.Shirley Schmidt: Shocking as it may seem to you, Alan, I like my privacy. Maybe I'll wanna be federal judge someday and being a named partner at a prestigious law firm. Ha. Well, it's not good for business. Alan Shore: I'll give you my best effort. Of course, at some point I will have to examine the evidence thoroughly.In a coffee shop Paul Lewiston is drinking coffee and reading a newspaper. Rachel Lewiston comes in, her daughter in tow.Paul Lewiston: Oh!Rachel Lewiston: Here we are. Ach! Sorry we're late.Paul Lewiston: No problem.Rachel Lewiston: Fiona. Say hello to grandpa.Fiona: Hi, pa pa.Paul Lewiston:He chuckles fondly. Hi. Hello sweetheart.Rachel Lewiston: I guess you're pa pa from now on.Paul Lewiston: Well, that's one of the nicest names I've ever been called.Rachel Lewiston: Ah! We were almost out the door, she insisted on wearing the red cowboy boots, I finally said, "Okay," and of course then we could only find one. Then we finally we found the other one on top of the refrigerator.Paul Lewiston:To Fiona. Ohhh!Rachel Lewiston: I guess now it's pointless to ask how it got on top of the refrigerator; you just grab it and go.Paul Lewiston: I, I took the liberty of ordering coffee and some hot chocolate.Rachel Lewiston: Oh. Thanks so much. We can just stay a second. It's Fiona's first day at Happy Duck Day Care.Paul Lewiston: Ah! Is that a good place?Rachel Lewiston: Now don't let the cheesy name fool you. They're great. I went to so many places. I had a checklist I used. Ah! Yeah, here it is.Paul Lewiston: Ah, let's see what we have here. He reads from her list. 'Childcare questions. Are they licensed and monitored? Do they afford opportunities for both active and quiet play? Is the staff trained in CPR? Do the kids appear happy?' Rachel, this is a very thorough list.Rachel Lewiston: She's my daughter. Where are my keys?Fiona: It's in your pocket.Rachel Lewiston: Yep! Here they are. Dad, uhm, in all the cowboy boot madness this morning, I, I lost my ATM card somewhere. If you could lend me forty bucks?Paul Lewiston: No problem. You know, um, Rachel, if you're in a hurry to get to work I can drop Fiona off at, Happy Duck? Is it?Rachel Lewiston: Oh, thanks, we'll make it okay. Fiona? We have to go. Thank pa pa for your hot chocolate.Fiona: Thank you pa pa for the hot chocolate.Paul Lewiston: You're very welcome.Rachel Lewiston: Thanks, dad.Paul Lewiston: By, darling.Rachel Lewiston: See ya.Paul Lewiston: They kiss. Bye bye. Bye bye, Fiona! He chuckles. Bye bye.Shirley is in her office at Crane, Poole and Schmidt. Paul comes in.Shirley Schmidt: By your look, it's not good.Rachel Lewiston: I believe Rachel's using again. She's back on Crystal Meth.Shirley Schmidt: What proof do you have?Paul Lewiston: We were supposed to meet at eight: Coffee shop near here apartment. She showed up twenty minutes late with Fiona in tow. She was harried, disorganized. She couldn't find her keys.Paul Lewiston: Paul, you've just described every single working mother in America.Paul Lewiston: Then she asked to borrow forty dollars. Crystal Meth users live their lives in forty dollar increments. Cash.Shirley Schmidt: Paul. This is a very serious accusation and you need to be absolutely certain before you make it.Paul Lewiston: I know. If I'm right and do nothing, Fiona could be in danger. If I act and I'm wrong Rachel will never speak to me again; she'll cut me out forever. What do I do?Shirley Schmidt: You've lived through a lot with Rachel and this relationship you're developing with her now is very new. You might wanna ask yourself if your history with Rachel's drug use is causing you to overreact. Just think about it.Denny Crane and an entourage of people are walking down the hall at Crane, Poole and Schmidt. Denny Crane: You! Blondie. He points to Denise Bauer. You're on my team. She walks with him. If you've seen the news you know what a travesty this is. A man arrested for defending his own house. It's a farce. Not the funny kind. This is one serious farce.Denise Bauer: May I ask what we're pleading. It seems self-defense…Denny Crane: Don't like that kind of thinking. Defense of self. You gotta strike first. Preempt 'em. What they say in the news? Victim or vigilante? It's neither. This is Russell Blayney, hero!Denise Bauer: You wanna try this case in the press?Denny Crane: Exactly. I wanna grab the public's attention. The story. Character. Narrative. We have to create our own reality. You! Young punk. You must know computers. Set up a website all those blobs. Justice for Russell Blayney! And you, Denise, you'll be my second. You look good on camera.Alan is in his office at Crane, Poole and Schmidt. Shirley peeks in.Shirley Schmidt: Karl Hauser's widow's here.In the conference room with Margurite Hauser.Marguerite Hauser: Straight forward standard release Karl used for all his models. She pushes the paper over to Shirley.Shirley Schmidt: A lifetime of papers and contracts, and you manage to find mine. God bless the organized.Alan opens a scrapbook.Marguerite Hauser: And there's no mistaking your signature.Alan Shore:He gasps. Oh! He's in awe. Shirley cranes her neck to get a look. Alan notices thathe's being noticed. I'm so sorry, ha, ha. Here you are. He attempts to composes himself. I may cry. Shirley Schmidt: He loves art. Marguerite, I'm sorry, your husband was an adult famous man of the world and I was an immature kid who did not understand the document she was signing. There was no meeting of the minds here. So this contract, I'm afraid, is not binding.Marguerite Hauser: As I recall, it wasn't your minds that met.Alan Shore: Ha, ha.Marguerite Hauser: If you were old enough to screw my husband you were old enough to understand what you were signing.Shirley Schmidt: Your husband talked me into doing quite a few things I didn't understand.Marguerite Hauser: Tell me why I should do something nice for you. And don't say because you did something nice for my husband.Alan Shore: What do you intend to do with the photos?Marguerite Hauser: Half of Karl's collection is already promised to The Museum of Modern Art in New York. I intend to auction off the other half, including those photos. Your pictures will be going on the block.Brad Chase is in his office at Crane, Poole and Schmidt. Paul comes in.Paul Lewiston: I need a favor. A very important, very personal favor.Brad Chase: Of course.Paul Lewiston: After an extended absence I have recently reconnected with my daughter, Rachel, and I've learned that I have a beautiful granddaughter named, Fiona.Brad Chase: Congratulations, Paul.Paul Lewiston: My daughter is a drug addict, or at least she was. She says she's clean now, but I have my suspicions. If she is using again then my granddaughter could be in danger.Brad Chase: My specialty isn't family law, but what I know…Paul Lewiston: No, no. You misunderstand. I don't want your legal advice. I want you to find out if my daughter is using drugs again. Brad, if this year has taught me anything, it's that you will get the job done by any means necessary. I would never ask this of you unless it was essential.Brad Chase:A beat. Absolutely. I'll do what I can.Shirley is in her office at Crane, Poole and Schmidt. Alan comes in.Shirley Schmidt: What have you got?Alan Shore: The twenty-sixth amendment.Shirley Schmidt: Karl Hauser was taking naked pictures of me, not denying me the vote.Alan Shore: The twenty-sixth amendment, which not only extended the right to vote to eighteen year olds but also persuaded the States to grant them status as adults, was ratified in 1971. The photos were taken in 1966. Which, by the way, is my new favorite year.Shirley Schmidt: Ha, ha, ha, and now mine as well. I wasn't 21 when I signed that agreement, I was legally a minor and therefore can repudiate the contract and I am an idiot. Why didn't I think of this sooner?Alan Shore: I'm going to credit Karma or Freud. Either way, it's because I was destined to discover and revel in the natural wonders of all that is you.Brad, in a bookstore, wearing a khaki jacket, walks up to Rachel.Brad Chase: Excuse me. I'm looking for some on books on addiction and recovery.Rachel Lewiston: Ah, yeah. They're in the self-help section right over there.Brad Chase: Thanks. He starts to walk away and then turns back again. Is there, you know, one book that's better than the other?Rachel Lewiston: Yeah. This way. She takes him to another section. This one has some good advice on the early stages when you're detoxing and all that wonderful stuff. And, uh, this one is really good for that time right after you've stopped, when you're trying to figure out how to put your life back together. Brad Chase: Well, you know a lot about this.Rachel Lewiston: Well. Clean five year, 3 months and 7 days. It's hard but when you're ready you can get there.Brad Chase: Thanks.Rachel Lewiston: Sure. She starts to walk away.Brad Chase: Ah, what time do you get off work? Oh. I'm sorry; I'm not coming on to you. I was just hoping that we could talk some more. I've sort of run out of people to talk to.Rachel Lewiston: I get off at seven.Brad Chase: Thanks.Rachel Lewiston: Sure, I'm Rachel.They shake hands.Brad Chase: I'm Brad. Pleased to meet you.Rachel Lewiston:A beat. You're buying those, right?Brad Chase: Oh! Right, right.In the conference room at Crane, Poole and Schmidt Denise and Denny listen to Russell Blayney’s story. A paralegal is taking notes.Russell Blayney: I I, hand sheet rock, mostly for industrial buildings.Denny Crane:Indicates to the paralegal. A craftsman. He works with his hands. Write that down.The paralegal writes it down.Denise Bauer: What else?Russell Blayney: I live alone. Jamaica Plain. My ex-wife left me the house. Not a bad-neighborhood, but it does border one. And it’s vulnerable because I have those old fashioned lever windows. I can’t afford an alarm system. I’ve been broken into four times in the last two years. Drug addicts. They take everything; they took my TV, my bike, my power tools, my guitar…Denny Crane: A musician. He writes the songs.Russell Blayney: Uh, but what finally did it for me was when I was building an end table for my father. For his television remote and his nebulizer. He has some asthma. And I’m halfway done, and some guy breaks into the house and he steals my table saw. My table saw! I mean, that was it. That was all I could take. I’m not into guns…Denny Crane:To the paralegal. Don’t write that down!Russell Blayney: But I knew that I had to do something. So, that's when I rigged up my little system. You know, just a little jolt, you know. Send them a little shock.Denise Bauer: Tell us what happened that night. You were at home?Russell Blayney: Yeah, I was awake, actually, uhm, I was putting some dishes away in the dishwasher, and I heard someone on the porch, and I thought, here we go, this is it. So I moved into the living room. Denise Bauer: So you saw him?Russell Blayney: Yeah! He was looking right through the window. He’s this big wetback, you know. Denise Bauer: Latino.Russell Blayney: A drug addict. He was completely high. I could see it in his eyes even from inside the house.Denise Bauer: And then what happened?Russell Blayney: Well, he, he starts for the window. And I don't know if you’ve ever seen anyone on crystal meth or acid, or I don't know whatever this guy was on, but, you know, they’re big, they’re ugly, and they feel like they're invincible. So he starts trying to pry open the window with a screwdriver or something. And, uh, that was it. He makes a jerking motion. The electricity went up the screw driver into his body. He completed the circuit.Denny Crane: Sounds horrible.Russell Blayney: Honestly, you know? It wasn’t. I mean, watching this guy, it was, it was, like watching every guy who broken into my house over the years and took from me. Stole my stuff. I mean he was just getting what he deserved. Right? Let me tell you the most unbelievable thing. Did you know that when you get electrocuted, you know, your blood literally boils? Right inside the veins! That’s how the electricity flows through the body, through your veins! And so here's this guy, he's a wetback, but I could see his veins are glowing through his skin as he was being charred from the inside out. And I could smell his flesh burning, which was weird. It smelled like a roast! A well-deserved, cooked roast. That’s when I, you know, finally turned off the electricity. When he was good and done.Denise and Denny look to each another. What kind of monster do they have on their hands? Denise and Denny are walking in the hall at Crane, Poole and Schmidt.Denise Bauer: So much for putting our hero on the stand.Denny Crane: Oh, he's on the stand all right.Denise Bauer: Denny! With all due respect the man was practically wearing bib with a knife and a fork in each hand as he's telling that story.Denny Crane: Denise, never give up an option. The man was alit with passion. It's passion that moves juries.Denise Bauer: So?Denny Crane: So we tell his story. Not necessarily all his story, but the part we wanna tell. We're the ones creating the narrative.At a Narcotics Anonymous meeting room people are setting up chairs in a circle. Rachel and Brad come in.Brad Chase: Are you kidding?Rachel Lewiston: Were you kidding about wanting to get straight?Brad Chase: No.Rachel waves him forward. Brad takes a deep breath and takes a seat. This is more than he bargained for.Later that night the meeting is in full swing. An addict has just shared and everyone is applauding. Tim, the meeting chairperson, addresses the group.Tim: Thank you, Patrick. Keep coming back, buddy. Um, are there other new members here today? Brad? Would you like to share?Brad Chase:He looks around. This is way more than he bargained for. Oh, no. I’m… new.Rachel Lewiston: It’ll make you feel better.Brad Chase: Right. He stands. Um… Hi, I…Rachel Lewiston:Whispering. Say your name.Brad Chase: I’m Brad. I’m a drug addict.Everyone: Hi, Brad.Brad Chase: I’m not used to talking in public. Actually, I am. Just not talking about myself. He pauses. Wow! You're just going to let me keep going. Okay. I was in the Marine Corp during the first Gulf War, operation Desert Storm. February 24 th, 1991, I was a lieutenant in the second reconnaissance battalion, ah, the first marine expeditionary force and under enemy mortar artillery and small arms fire we breeched mine fields, trenches, barbed wire and disabled six enemy divisions. By the morning of the28th one hundred hours after the ground operations had begun our coalition forces had destroyed forty-two enemy divisions. That's the bulk of the Iraqi army in the Kuwaiti theater of operations. He takes a deep breath. The other members of the meeting seem skeptical. So then I started using drugs. Alan comes down a set of stairs at Crane, Poole and Schmidt. He meets Denny who is followed, on both sides, by three paralegals.Alan Shore: Denny! You're shining. And in a wedge.Denny Crane: My team, Alan. I'm back and I'm feeling it. I realized the truth about myself. I just love power.Alan Shore: Well it seems to have at thing for you as well.Denny Crane: It's my natural state. It's my homeostasis. Don't read anything into that remark.Alan Shore: I already did.Back at the Narcotics Anonymous meeting the members are standing in a circle.All: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. It works, if you work it, so work it.Tim: See you soon.Hugs and goodbyes all around.Rachel Lewiston:To Brad. It was a nice story.Brad Chase: Uh, thanks.Rachel Lewiston: Too bad it was a lie. He gives her a look. I won then war then started using? I've been coming to these meetings everyday for five years. If you didn't wanna share you problems you should have just passed.Brad Chase: Well, sharing is really not my thing. It's probably just how I was raised.Rachel Lewiston: Doesn’t mean you can't change. I was raised the same way.Brad Chase: Really?Rachel Lewiston: Yeah. My mother was warm. My father? Kept every emotion tightly tucked away in his suit pocket. Right next to his watch.Brad Chase: It's not always that easy to open up.Rachel Lewiston: Ahh, but it is. You just say what's on your mind. Instead my dad? Always the attorney, you just sit back and play little games, you know ferreting out information with these obtuse questions? And on the rare occasion when he would open up and talked to me? He wasn't happy unless I told him what he wanted to hear. You know being him, I think it's a hard way to live.Brad Chase: I'm sorry. And I'm sorry… he looks around at the meeting room.Rachel Lewiston: Buy me a cup of coffee and I might forgive you.Brad Chase:He smiles. Great.Alan, Shirley, Marguerite and Michael Eaves are in the conference room at Crane, Poole and Schmidt.Alan Shore: … and therefore at age nineteen Ms Schmidt was in fact a minor. There was no parental consent here, so in essence your husband was illegally taking nude photographs of an underage girl. Attorney Michael Eaves: You make a legitimate argument Mr Shore.Alan Shore: Not my favorite kind, but I'm glad to play for that team when necessary.Attorney Michael Eaves: And you can certainly take us to court and fight this battle with that argument. Shirley Schmidt: We will if we have to.Attorney Michael Eaves: However, I believe your goal was to get these photos out of the public eye. I'm afraid with a court battle, a very public court battle; these photos could find their way to the press. Shirley Schmidt: Before that could happen of course we'd ask the court to seal all exhibits and issue an appropriate gag order to prevent disclosure.Attorney Michael Eaves: And you'd win. But you know what? Thanks to the internet, winning doesn't matter anymore. These photos could somehow find their way on to the web and all the way around the world and then where would you be? Marguerite?Marguerite and Michael Eaves get up to leave.Shirley Schmidt: Marguerite?Marguerite Hauser:She stops, then turns to her attorney. I'll be right out. He leaves.Shirley Schmidt: Alan? Alan leaves. Shirley walks closer to Marguerite. I'm sorry.Marguerite Hauser: Thank you. She turns to leave.Shirley Schmidt: Marguerite? Marguerite turns back. Those pictures… I have grandchildren. The thought of them seeing those photographs…Marguerite Hauser: I understand. I'm sorry. She leaves.In Judge Diane Avent’s courtroom Denny and A.D.A Frank Ginsberg are in front of Judge Avent.A.D.A Frank Gingsberg: Your Honor, Mr Dominguez's prior burglary convictions and history of drug abuse have no bearing on whether the defendant improperly electrified his home.Denny Crane: Nonsense. This felon was higher than a kite when he got zapped. He's got six prior convictions for larceny, burglary, grand theft auto. Of course it's relevant.A.D.A Frank Gingsberg: The prejudicial effect of the victim's prior criminal activity…Denny Crane: Your Honor, my client is a victim here! I don't…A.D.A Frank Gingsberg: ... clearly outweighs any probative value such evidence would have for the jury! Judge Diane Avent: Enough. Mr Gingsberg is right. The evidence is highly prejudicial, and will be barred at trial. Mr Crane, you may not bring up Mr Dominguez's bad acts unless the door to impeachment has been opened.Outside the courtroom A.D.A Frank Gingsberg is pushing a wheelchair with Miguel Dominguez in it. A mob of reporters and photographers approach them.A.D.A Frank Gingsberg: Before answering any questions, I wanna thank my client Miguel Dominguez for bravely agreeing to be here today. Mr Dominguez suffers from severe paralyses and a host of other debilitating symptoms as a result of his electrocution. Nevertheless, he is here today to stand up for all of us to help in the fight to make our country a safer place. A place where citizens do not take the law into their own hands. Mr Dominguez is an inspiration to his community. He is a hero. Thank you.Denny Crane:He has been listening open mouthed. That bastard stole my story.Denny is in his office at Crane, Poole and Schmidt with Candy Springtime.Candy Springtime: What about branding?Denny Crane: I haven't branded yet.Candy Springtime: No branding?Denny Crane: Nahhh.Candy Springtime: Denny!Denise Bauer:She comes in. Denny?Denny Crane: Oh! Denise Bauer. Candy Springtime, Public Relations.Candy Springtime: Hello.Denise Bauer: Hi.They shake hands.Denny Crane: She's with Sherling Tompson. The same Public Relations firm the government uses. So you know she's good.Candy Springtime: Denise, we're rolling out a new campaign to take back the story on Mr Blayney! Denise Bauer: Take back the story?Candy Springtime: Denny tells me that you haven't branded him yet. So I took the initiative and created a brand. Russell Blayney: American Homeowner.Denise Bauer: Ha. American Homeowner?Candy Springtime: Simple. It's to the point.Denny Crane: It's cosy.Candy Springtime: Say it for me, Denny. Press conference voice.Denny Crane: Russell Blayney: American Homeowner. Now wait a minute. American Homeowner: Russell Blayney. See? It works both ways. Versatile.Denise Bauer: But do we really think that we need to label Mr Blayney?Candy Springtime:Surprised, she points to Denise. Denny?Denny Crane: Ah, Denise. Rodney King?Denise Bauer: Rodney King. Uh, severely beaten by the police over ten years ago.Denny Crane: See? You remember. Why? Branding! They didn't call him Rodney King: wifebeater, alcohol abuser, who swung a tire iron at a convenience store clerk. They called him Rodney King: a motorist, a motorist: Rodney King. Brings to mind images of a jaunty man riding hat in cap in a Model-T. That's what we want. Russell Blayney: American Homeowner. Not Russell Blayney: eats them broiled, baked or fried.Denise Bauer: But Rodney King was beaten!Candy Springtime: Okay! Now this just a mock-up. She places a huge poster on an easel. Obviously we will replace Jimmy Stewart with Mr Blayney. But the banner can and should be behind you every press conference, Denny. Notice I used the same font as Mission Accomplished. Americans are comfortable with that font. Now! We will send B-roll of Mr Blayney to the press, working at his garage, using his table saw, working with his power tools, fixing things around the house. And as far as the talking points? Keep it simple, Denny. Speak of the opposition as the drug-crazed intruder, the incident as the harrowing home invasion. Now I know you're tight with Larry King, but we are negotiating with Nightline, Hardball and The Daily Show. That is where most Americans get their news.Alan and Shirley are coming down the staircase at Crane, Poole and Schmidt.Shirley Schmidt: There's no way we're gonna win this, is there?Alan Shore: Legally, yes there is. As for accomplishing your goals? No. But when you have occasion to ask for my help, Shirley, typically it's not really legal help you're looking for. I'll assume this is no acceptation.Shirley Schmidt: Alan, I've already caused Marguerite Hauser as much pain as I care to. I'll leave the creativity to you. Just don't hurt her.Paul and Denise are watching Denny being interviewed on TV. He is standing beneath a large banner: American Homeowner.Denny Crane: America is under siege. Not from Saddam or pro-terrorists, but from namby-pamby pro-burglary advocates who wanna strip us of the right to protect what ours. That's what our…Paul Lewiston:He turns the TVoff. So Denny's being Denny.Denise Bauer: He's creating the reality.Paul Lewiston: I doubt many people would wanna live in Denny's reality.Denise Bauer: All I know is there are two rotten guys in this case, and both sides are trying to make theirs as the hero.Paul Lewiston: If you've got a problem with this case, I suggest you talk to the guy whose name is on the door.Denise Bauer: I'm not naïve, Paul. I know this kind of manipulation goes on all the time. But I'm an attorney, not a spin doctor.Denny Crane: Oh yes, you are. We all are. That's what attorneys do, tell stories, create characters, capture an audience, try to make them feel what we want them to feel. That's good lawyering! Only these days everybody's trying to get in on our act. The government, corporations. There are no facts anymore, kiddo. Only good or bad fiction.Denise Bauer: Which story do you plan to sell the jury?Denny Crane: Don't you worry. This case will never go to trial.Alan, Attorney, and Marguerite are in Alan's office at Crane, Poole and Schmidt.Attorney Michael Eaves: Mr Shore. With all due respect, you are on our last nerve. You said you had an intriguing offer. Get to it.Alan Shore: Delighted. First, how about we ask all the lawyers to leave the room?Attorney Michael Eaves: You're a lawyer.Alan Shore: Okay. How about all the lawyers who aren't me? Michael Eaves looks at Marguerite and chuckles. Ha. Here it is then. Simply put, it's Shirley Schmidt. As much as I admire and respect her, if I don't resolve this case, I'm afraid she'll get nervous and fall back on old habits, she'll call in the old guard, one of the cronies in banking and finance, someone who smells like old pipe smoke and hair。

Boston LegalHired GunsSeason 1, Episode 10Airdate: December 19, 2004Written by David E. Kelley© 2004 David E. Kelley Productions. All Rights ReservedTranscribed by Sheri for [version updated June 19, 2006]The Annual Crane Poole & Schmidt Christmas PartyCamera pans around the reception area to a man wearing a Santa hat picking up a drink from a bar set up in front of the signage; to Alan Shore, complete with a branch of mistletoe rigged to hang over his head, dancing with Tara Wilson; to Catherine Piper dancing with an older gentleman as:Denny Crane:singing with a 3-woman back-up group behind him “Bells will be ringing, their sad, sad blues. Oh, what a Christmas to have the blues! My baby’s gone. I have no friends, to wish me greetings once again. Choirs will be singing Silent Night. Christmas carols . . .” sees someone and leaves the group to finish without himTara Wilson: So, do I get my kiss or not?Alan Shore: Tara, the way mistletoe works is the one standing under it is the one to receive.Tara Wilson: Well, I prefer to meet in the middle.Alan Shore: Well, I do enjoy your middle tremendously, but a kiss really is more traditional. They both lean a bit toward each other Ah, the anticipation is pure . . . Sally.Sally Heep: Hi. The last thing I want to do is come between all that collagen, but, Alan, we have a little problem, and, like it or not, you’re probably the best man to fix it. Ah, this is Carmen Flores. She works in housekeeping here. Her ex-husband kidnapped her two children. This is the third Christmas he’s done so. He brings them to Peru, when it’s Carmen who has legal custody of them for the holidays.Tara Wilson: Can’t you just go to the judge?Sally Heep: She did that last year. And it cost her a fortune. The judge held him in contempt for a day. He said it’s worth it to spend Christmas with his kids in Peru. H—his flight leaves tomorrow night. I—I thought maybe you could think of something.Tara Wilson: Didn’t you used to be a lawyer, Sally? Oh, I apologize. There go my lips again. Must be all that collagen.Alan Shore: Ladies? Tips his head forward so the mistletoe hangs between them Perhaps you tow should kiss in the name of Christmas.Sally Heep:gasps as Lori Colson falls into herLori Colson: Oh, sorry, Sally. Incredible dress, by the way. Hate you. turns to Alan Shore Ah, Alan. Mistletoe. takes his face between both hands and kisses him hard. Mwah. smiles, then whispers Whatever.[credits]CourtroomCamera pans over rather graphic pictures of 2 gunshot murder victims—alive and dead.ADA John Shubert: She came home that evening at 9:30, catching an early flight to surprise her husband. But it was the defendant who was surprised. Susan May discovered her husband Ralph making love to a business associate, Marie Holcomb—and it was more than she could bear. The evidence will show that the defendant retrieved a handgun from the kitchen, returned to the bedroom and fired six shots—three into her husband, three into Marie Holcomb. This is the holiday season. You people should be home with your families right now. I apologize for that. Marie Holcomb’s mother and father fly here every December from the West Coast. This time, it’s to attend the trial of their daughter’s killer. Susan May destroyed a lot of happy plans with that gun.Brad Chase: Get in Christmas.Lori Colson: Sorry?Brad Chase: Christmas is ours and Susan’s. Don’t let him claim it.Lori Colson: I, too, would like to apologize for taking you away from your families during this holiday season. That’s Susan’s family seated over there. They would dearly love to be home with her. She would dearly love to be home with them. Imagine, if you can as you prepare for your Christmas, having a loved one murdered.Add to that the horror that the police can’t figure out who did it. And then, if you can possibly fathom, imagine they decide to arrest you. That’s your defendant, ladies and gentlemen. A law-abiding, loving, faithful advertising executive—an innocent woman whose whole life was just suddenly and wrongly destroyed. That’s your defendant, and that’s what the evidence will show.Alan Shore’s OfficeCarmen Flores: I—I did report police twice. They say domestic.Alan Shore: He returned the children both times after Christmas?Carmen Flores: Yes. This why police say it is for court to decide. No one involved.Suddenly, Denny Crane enters.Alan Shore: Ah, Denny. This is Carmen Flores. She works here in housekeeping.Denny Crane: Excellent. Why do I care?Alan Shore: Perhaps you don’t. First off, let me say how incredible you were last night. The whole office is stil . . . stunned.Denny Crane: Thank you.Alan Shore: Now, on a topic far removed from you, and therefore much less entertaining, though of some import to Carmen, her children have been snatched by her ex-husband. Who do you know at the Boston Police Department?Denny Crane: I know everybody.Alan Shore: You hear that, Carmen? The man knows everybody.Carmen Flores smiles rather dubiously.CourtroomDetective Wayne Farley: Her story didn’t check out. It’s as simple as that.ADA John Shubert: That story she gave you was?Detective Wayne Farley: She came home, found them dead in bed.ADA John Shubert: Was there evidence of anyone other than the victims or the defendant being in the house that night?Detective Wayne Farley: None.ADA John Shubert: And, Detective, describe for the jury if you can, the defendant’s demeanor when you arrived at the scene that night.Detective Wayne Farley: She seemed pretty shook up. There was blood all over her. She claimed she got the blood on her when she went to her husband’s side to see if she could revive him.ADA John Shubert: And you don’t believe that?Lori Colson: I’m sorry. It seems the detective is more than willing to give testimony against my client. You don’t really need to lead him.Judge Phillips Stevens: Sustained.ADA John Shubert: Did you believe the defendant’s claim?Detective Wayne Farley: No. It was determined that she was standing approximately 5 feet away when she fired the gun.Lori Colson: I’m sorry. I hate to be a nuisance. But did I miss the point where you said she fired the gun? Judge Phillip Stevens: Sustained.ADA John Shubert: Detective, what, if anything led you to believe that the defendant fired the gun?Detective Wayne Farley: We did a trace metal test, which revealed she held the gun and her fingerprints were on the gun.ADA John Shubert: Hm. Anything else?Detective Wayne Farley: We know her driver dropped her off at 9:30 pm. She called the police at 11:07. She told us she discovered the bodies soon after she entered the house. If so, why did she wait an hour and a half to call the police? As I said, her story just didn’t add up.Brad Chase: Seems from your tone, Detective, you consider this, ah, kind of a no-brainer.Detective Wayne Farley: We applied all our mental faculties just the same and concluded your client committed the crime.Brad Chase: Oh, you concluded pretty quickly, I might add. You placed her under arrest the next day. By the way, was the spatter analysis done in a day?Detective Wayne Farley: No. That came in later.Brad Chase: I see. So when you placed Susan May under arrest, you were going on . . .Detective Wayne Farley: Her fingerprints were on the gun, for starters.Brad Chase: It was her gun, was it not?Detective Wayne Farley: The fingerprints were fresh.Brad Chase: Got there, perhaps, when she picked the gun up after?Detective Wayne Farley: We also had motive, her evasive demeanor.Brad Chase: She called the police, did she not?Detective Wayne Farley: Yes, but she wasn’t truthful.Brad Chase: Wasn’t truthful when she said she didn’t shoot them?Detective Wayne Farley: That, and she obviously wasn’t truthful about calling the police immediately after finding the bodies.Brad Chase: You had her examined by a psychiatrist that night?Detective Wayne Farley: Yes.Brad Chase: The psychiatrist said she was in shock?Detective Wayne Farley: Yes.Brad Chase: Possible the shock of discovering her murdered husband caused the delay in calling the police? Detective Wayne Farley: I doubt that’s what happened.Brad Chase: This doubt is based on your psychiatric training.Detective Wayne Farley: It’s based on 30 years of experience as a homicide detective.Brad Chase: Thirty years as a homicide detective told you that the delay in calling the police could not have been caused by shock? picks up a large photograph mounted on a board Let’s turn back to the blood spatter evidence. This is the blouse my client was wearing that evening, is it not?Detective Wayne Farley: Yes.Brad Chase: Lot of blood. That’s all spattering?Detective Wayne Farley: Most of that blood came from handling the bodies.Brad Chase: So where’s the spatter you spoke of, Detective?Detective Wayne Farley: There are two elongated markings on the left shoulder.Brad Chase: Right here? These tiny marks here?Detective Wayne Farley: Yes.Brad Chase: She supposedly fired six shots. There’s only two tiny marks?Detective Wayne Farley: The other marks are likely covered up with the blood from when she handled the bodies.Brad Chase: Did you analyze these marks yourself, Detective?Detective Wayne Farley: I did.Brad Chase: Are you the person in the Boston Police Department who does this?Detective Wayne Farley: Well, there are others, obviously, but I started in the lab, so I’m trained as well. Brad Chase: Was there anyone else in the lab who analyzed this shirt?Detective Wayne Farley: Yes. We have a junior member . . .Brad Chase: Junior member? It’s a high-profile case. It went to a junior member?Detective Wayne Farley: As I said, I analyzed the clothes with my 30 years . . .Brad Chase: Thirty years in the lab?Detective Wayne Farley: No.Brad Chase: How many years in the lab?Detective Wayne Farley: Five.Brad Chase: How ‘bout the junior member? How many years did he have?Detective Wayne Farley: I’m not sureBrad Chase: More than five?Detective Wayne Farley: I believe so.Brad Chase: Just out of curiosity, what was his finding?Detective Wayne Farley: Inconclusive.Brad Chase: He could not determine that my client fired a gun?Detective Wayne Farley: Nor could he rule it out.Brad Chase: He could not determine that my client fired a gun.Detective Wayne Farley: Correct. But I determined she did.Brad Chase: You trace-metalled my client. Did you test for powder residue on her hand?Detective Wayne Farley: Yes. She tested negative.Brad Chase: Gee, how could that be?Detective Wayne Farley: We determined that she likely wore gloves when she fired the gun.Brad Chase: So she was careful to wear gloves when she shot them, then afterwards, she took the gloves off and handled the gun?Detective Wayne Farley: If she went into shock, as you say, she probably made a mistake. Murderers often do.Brad Chase: So for the purpose of explaining the delay in calling the police, you don’t buy shock. but to explain why she picked up the murder weapon barehanded after firing with gloves, you do buy shock; in fact, you seem to be selling it.ADA John Shubert: Objection.Brad Chase: Withdrawn. Did you find the gloves?Detective Wayne Farley: No.Brad Chase: You searched the entire house? I’m asking. I don’t want to presume.Detective Wayne Farley: We searched the house. We did not find the gloves.Brad Chase: Any evidence of her leaving the house after she came home that night?Detective Wayne Farley: No.Brad Chase: Any unsolved burglaries in this neighborhood in the last year?Detective Wayne Farley: A couple.Courthouse Conference RoomSusan May: That went well, right?Lori Colson: Mm, hmm. It went extremely well. The problem, Susan, as we’ve explained—the burden of proof is really on us.Susan May: I still don’t understand that, as much as you keep saying it.Lori Colson: When you have the scorned wife being the only one there, her fresh fingerprints on the gun . . . Brad Chase: Trust me. We’ll argue burglar. But with no sing of a break-in . . .Susan May: So my chances are the same.Lori Colson: No. We did very well with the witness today. Our chances just got a little bit better. But if we just . . . we stick to the plan. We’d like you to meet with Dr. Waylon one more time.Susan May: Why?Lori Colson: In case we need to call him, we want to be ready.Susan May: I’m not really comfortable being treated like some patient.Brad Chase: Susan, you put your life in our hands, did you not? You need to let us do what we do.Susan May: Can I ask you something? I’m not sure why I want to ask this now, but, do you believe me?Lori Colson: I don’t know. I certainly want to believe you, but when I look at the evidence . . .Susan May: I at least appreciate your candor.Lori Colson: The question the jury’s going to be asking: if not you, then who? And we’ve got no answer for that.CourtroomDr. Lee Chang: The fatal wounds for both victims were to the head. Death was instantaneous.ADA John Shubert: And, Doctor, were you able to determine the time of death?Dr. Lee Chang: Between 9:30 and 9:45 p.m.Lori Colson: Doctor, did you examine the stomach contents of the victims?Dr. Lee Chang: YesLori Colson: What did you find?Dr. Lee Chang: They were both relatively full.Lori Colson: After eating, how long does food stay in the stomach before emptying into the small intestine? Dr. Lee Chang: Generally, one to two hours.Lori Colson: So if the victims finished dining by 7:30 as reported those stomachs should have been empty. Unless they were killed before 9:30, correct?Dr. Lee Chang: Or unless they ate again after leaving the restaurant.Lori Colson: Were there any signs, to your knowledge, that they’d eaten at home? Dirty dishes? Recent garbage?Dr. Lee Chang: To my knowledge, there was no evidence of that.Lori Colson: Thank you.ADA John Shubert: But they could have stopped on their way home from the restaurant—had dessert or something?Dr. Lee Chang: Well, not a medical question, but yes, possible.Judge Phillip Stevens: You may step down, sir. Mr. Shubert?ADA John Shubert: The prosecution rests, your Honor.Judge Phillip Stevens: Miss Colson.Lori Colson:whispering to Brad Chase Let’s let them see some serious thinking going on. What’s your take on free agency?Brad Chase: It’s killing baseball.Lori Colson: Hockey?Brad Chase: No salary cap, no hockey.Lori Colson: SoccerBrad Chase: Nobody cares.Lori Colson:arises Your Honor, the defense calls Susan May.Conference Room at Crane Poole & SchmidtOfficer Davis: It’s just that we regard it more as a domestic custody dispute. Her recourse would be with probate.Alan Shore: Well, there’s where we’re wrong, Denny. I thought if you were to physically and unlawfully grab somebody and haul them off to a foreign country, it would be a crime.Denny Crane: Well, I’ll be damned.Alan Shore: So, we’re wrong then. By the way, does one need to be related to the victim to escape charges? There’s this Junior Mint I’ve had my eye on. I thought I might borrow her for a long weekend. Perhaps the Bahamas.Officer Michaels: As we understand it, the father always brings the kids back.Alan Shore: That’s what I’d do. Be a joyride.Denny Crane: We’re wasting time here, and you two look like good men. Department’s full of good men. That’s why Denny Crane and this firm invest so much money in your annual ball. So, you’ll arrest the husband because, A—Denny Crane wants you to, and B . . .Alan Shore: I play poker with some reporters, one in particular who’d be curious as to why ethnic child snatchings don’t get your attention. And, C . . .Denny Crane: The children were kidnapped. And D . . .Alan Shore: You’re officially on notice.Officers Davis and Michaels exit.Alan Shore: You’re good when you get testy.Denny Crane: Came easy today. My balls hurt.Alan Shore: Let’s have that be the one and only time you tell me that.CourtroomSusan May: I was hurrying home because, well, I had been away for about a week and I was excited to see him.Lori Colson: And when you got home?Susan May: I pulled into the garage, went into the kitchen, called out his name. His car was there, so I was sure he was home. It was only about 9:30. I couldn’t imagine him being in bed. But . . . he was.Lori Colson: And not alone.Susan May: No.Lori Colson: What happened, Susan?Susan May: I started upstairs. I called out his name again. Still no response. Then I went to the bedroom, looked in, a—and I saw it.Lori Colson: Saw what?Susan May: At first, just blood. And then I saw one body, and then another.Lori Colson: What did you do?Susan May: I first screamed. I—I looked at my husband and . . . his eyes were open, and there was a hole in his temple. And I—I went to him to see if he was still breathing.Lori Colson: Was he?Susan May: No.Lori Colson: What happened next?Susan May: I don’t know.Lori Colson: You don’t know?Susan May:sighs I remember talking to the police at some point. I remember—I—them taking Ralph away. But . . .Lori Colson: Do you remember calling the police?Susan May: No.Lori Colson: Do you remember touching the gun?Susan May: No.Lori Colson: Seeing the gun?Susan May: No.Lori Colson nods, returns to the defense table.ADA John Shubert: That’s a really convenient memory loss, don’t you think? You recall not doing it, finding the bodies dead. But as for your fingerprints on the murder weapon, why you gave the police false information after, delaying in calling the police . . . Gee . . . just can’t remember.Lori Colson: Objection.ADA John Shubert: What a perfect way to tell your story without really being subject to cross-examination. Was this amnesia your idea, or was it your attorneys’?Lori Colson & Brad Chase:arising; in unison Objection.Judge Phillip Stevens: Sustained.ADA John Shubert: Nothing further.Judge Phillip Stevens: The witness may step down.Brad: The defense calls Dr. Herbert Waylon.ADA John Shubert: Approach?Judge Phillip Stevens motions for all attorneys to approach the bench, which they do.ADA John Shubert: This witness is not on their list.Brad Chase: He’s on the rebuttal list.ADA John Shubert: What’s he being called to rebut?Brad Chase: You just accused my client of faking her memory loss.Judge Phillip Stevens: Short leash, counsel. Step back.Lori Colson: Dr. Herbert Waylon. quietly to Brad Chase Come here. Just get up and down.Brad Chase: Sorry?Lori Colson: You don’t need to ask the $64,000 Question.Brad Chase: Because?Lori Colson: He will; and then he can’t object to it.CourtroomDr. Herbert Waylon: It’s basically a form of post-traumatic amnesia. She saw her husband murdered, and it triggered a blackout.Brad Chase: She blacked out for an hour.Dr. Herbert Waylon: In terms of memory. She wasn’t unconscious. She could’ve been sitting in a catatonic state. She possibly even watched television.Brad Chase: The prosecution thinks that her memory loss was . . . convenient.Dr. Herbert Waylon: Well, I personally examined this woman the day after the murders. She was suffering from dissociative amnesia then, as I believe she is now.Brad Chase: Thank you, Doctor. He’s your witness. walks to the defense table as ADA John Shubert arises to question the witness I hope you’re right.ADA John Shubert: You can’t state to a medical certainty that the defendant suffered from post-traumatic amnesia, can you?Dr. Herbert Waylon: To a medical certainty, no.ADA John Shubert: And you can’t medically rule out the possibility that the defendant pulled the trigger that night, can you, Doctor?Lori Colson: Bingo.Dr. Herbert Waylon: No, I cannot rule it out. In fact, while I happen to believe her version of the events, I make room for a completely different scenario.ADA John Shubert: Which is?Dr. Herbert Waylon: Well, it’s possible she looked into this bedroom, saw her husband making love to another woman, and that threw her into a dissociative state. And in that state, she shot them.ADA John Shubert: I’m sorry, are . . . you’re now saying maybe she killed them?Dr. Herbert Waylon: Well, I believe she found them dead as she says. But it’s possible that she saw them making love, went into a dissociative state—something we refer to medically as automatism—and in that state, she may have killed them. Then her brain creates a false memory of something less horrifying to her.ADA John Shubert: I have nothing further.Brad Chase: Her brain created a false memory?Dr. Herbert Waylon: Yes. Sometimes, if a person’s actions are repugnant to them, they can actually create a false version that is more psychologically acceptable.Brad Chase: And they believe this as the truth?Dr. Herbert Waylon: Absolutely.Brad Chase: So it’s possible that she committed the murders?Dr. Herbert Waylon: No. Murder suggests an intent she would’ve been incapable of. If she did this—and I’m not saying that she did—she would’ve likely lost all conscious control. She would’ve acted outside herself. And as a defense, her brain would have manufactured this other memory, that she walked in and found them already dead.ADA John Shubert: Your Honor. Chambers.Judge Phillip Stevens’ ChambersADA John Shubert: They just . . . they just backdoored insanity. That’s an affirmative defense. They did not plead it.Brad Chase: We’re not arguing it.ADA John Shubert: The witness just testified she lost all conscious control.Brad Chase: That witness was simply called to rehabilitate. You’re the one who impeached my client’s truthfulness. You said she was feigning her memory loss.ADA John Shubert: You went beyond my cross. Your Honor, this is a ploy. They’re trying to sneak in alternative defenses. A—She didn’t do it. And B—if she did do it, she was insane.Judge Phillip Stevens:pointing to Brad Chase with a pencil Did you coach the witness to get in insanity? Brad Chase: I called a witness to rehabilitate, to support her claim of memory loss.Judge Phillip Stevens: Knowing full well he believed the possibility that she committed the murders while in a dissociative state.Brad Chase: I did not elicit that testimony; he did.Lori Colson: Your Honor, if we wanted to argue insanity, we simply could have pled it.Judge Phillip Stevens: Except you don’t want to argue it, counsel. You want to argue not guilty and have insanity as a fallback. Two defenses for the price of one.Lori Colson: I’m sure you’ll properly instruct against insanity.Judge Phillip Stevens: Yes. And I’m sure the jury will listen.ADA John Shubert: I move for an immediate mistrial.Judge Phillip Stevens: Mr. Shubert, you opened the door on all this with your cross.ADA John Shubert: Which was their plan.Judge Phillip Stevens: Maybe so. But you did the damage. I’ll give you time to call your own experts, but the case goes on. Mr. Chase, Miss Colson. I keep scorecards of all the lawyers who appear before me.Alan Shore’s OfficeTara Wilson: Now you’re being desperate.Alan Shore:standing under a very large swag of mistletoe hanging from the ceiling next to the desk Too much?Tara Wilson: Just a bit. I never figured you to place quite such a premium on a kiss.Alan Shore: A kiss is the promise of what’s to come, Tara. A kiss is . . . deep breath in . . . the Christmas Eve of sex.Tara Wilson:leaning close enough to tease but too far for the pay-off I actually favor the Christmas Eve . . . circling to stand behind him and whisper in his ear . . . Christmas Eve.Alan Shore: I’m sorry?Tara Wilson:continuing the circle back to face him It’s not the part where the lips actually touch; it’s the part just before that . . . when they’re so close. When you know it’s about to happen. You can almost feel it, taste it—I like that bit to last forever. Don’t you just love to make it last forever? her lips barely touch his Alan Shore: No. about ready to consummate this kiss when:Nora Jacobs: Mr. Shore? I’m sorry. There’s a man here. I’m sorry.She has significantly spoiled the mood for Alan Shore and Tara Wilson.Nora Jacobs: He says he’s delivering gifts for you and Mr. Crane. And he says it’s urgent. Mr. Crane is out of the office.Alan Shore: Gifts?Nora Jacobs: Mmm, hmm.Alan Shore escorts Nora Jacobs out the door and into:Reception Area of Crane Poole & SchmidtAlan Shore: May I help you?Julio Flores:carrying gifts Are you Alan Shore?Alan Shore: Not if you’re a process server.Julio Flores drops the presents and pulls out a gun, which he holds on Alan Shore. Everyone gasps. Julio Flores: Shut up! You shut up! Somebody shut down the elevators! If I hear them go ding, I’m gonna shoot this man in the head!Alan Shore: Sir, I must tell you the last time somebody pointed a gun at me, they shot me, and it hurt—terribly. Julio Flores: You think this is a joke? You got me arrested! You got my kids taken away! My kids are all I’ve got.Alan Shore: Well, it seems you have a gun. Perhaps if you trade the gun . . .Julio Flores shoots up at the ceiling, and everyone screams.Alan Shore: All right. This is between you and me. You have a hostage. raises his voice Everybody else, pick a door and get behind it now. Let’s clear the floor.Julio Flores: Kill the elevators! Kill the phones!Alan Shore: Everybody go into an office. Close the door. Now.Man: Let’s do what he says.Woman #1: Come on. Hurry.Tara Wilson lags, looks very concerned about leaving Alan Shore with Flores.Woman #2: Come on. Come on!Alan Shore: Okay, Mr. Flores, let’s talk.Same scene continued, after commercial break.Julio Flores: Christmas is family. I go to Peru to be with family. My kids are part of that.Alan Shore: I understand, sir. It’s not what the “No Child Left Behind Act” had in mind . . .Julio Flores: I’m going to kill you.Alan Shore: I’d prefer you didn’t.Denny Crane’s OfficeTara Wilson:talking on her cell phone His name is Julio. We believe his last name is Flores. pause Yes, he’s already fired a round, so the gun is clearly loaded.Sally Heep: talking on cell phone in background Fourteenth floor. That’s right. Thank you.Tara Wilson: Yes, you can call me. (617) 555-0197.Alan Shore: You’re here because of your children. So, I’ll ask you to think about your children. If you go to prison, they lose their father.Julio Flores: With an arrest, I’m going to lose all custody. They already lost their father.CourtroomBrad Chase: The first forensic specialist to analyze the blood spatter pattern, said they were inconclusive. This is a police expert, by the way. He said the spatters could not prove that she fired a gun.Street Outside of the Crane Poole & Schmidt BuildingA large Boston Police Dept. van pulls up to the curb, sirens wailing.Brad Chase (VO): He’s asking you to believe . . .Reception Area of Crane Poole & SchmidtClose-up of Julio Flores’ gunBrad Chase (VO): . . . that she wore gloves to commit the crime to explain the lack of powder residue on her hands.CourtroomBrad Chase: Then she took the gloves off to handle the murder weapon.Street Outside of the Crane Poole & Schmidt BuildingThe back door of the van slides up, and SWAT squad members file out of the van.Brad Chase (VO): Is it possible there was a burglar?CourtroomBrad Chase: The prosecution certainly can’t eliminate the idea. And, yes, it’s possible that Susan May, seeing her husband making love with another woman, went into a dissociative state, acted outside of her conscious control.Street Outside of the Crane Poole & Schmidt BuildingThe SWAT Team enters the building, guns at ready, and go up the stairs, ready to capture the gunman. Brad Chase (VO): But it doesn’t really matter whether she pulled that trigger or not . . .Reception Area of Crane Poole & SchmidtClose-up of Julio Flores’ gun, and the faces of Julio Flores and Alan Shore.Back Stairwell of the Crane Poole & Schmidt BuildingThe SWAT Team, guns at ready, continue up the stairs.Brad Chase (VO): Because she formed no legal mental intent to do so . . .CourtroomBrad Chase: . . . which is an element of the crime.Back Stairwell of the Crane Poole & Schmidt BuildingThe SWAT Team, guns at ready, continues up the stairs.Brad Chase (VO): Reasonable doubt as to whether or not she did it.Reception Area of Crane Poole & SchmidtAlan Shore is checking his watch, looking very anxious, with the gun trained on him.Brad Chase (VO): No evidence of intent, even if she did.CourtroomBrad Chase: All leads to the same verdict. Not guilty.Reception Area of Crane Poole & SchmidtAlan Shore: It’s been almost 30 minutes sirens wailing in the background You have to know the building is surrounded by now. The police are probably on every floor.Julio Flores: I don’t care. My life has ended anyway.CourtroomADA John Shubert: No evidence of anyone else being there but the defendant. Time of death: 9:45—fifteen minutes after she arrived home. And as to why the defendant waited a full hour and a half before calling the police . . . Oh, yes! The dissociative state. That’s handy.Reception Area of Crane Poole & SchmidtAlan Shore: However upset you may be, sir, you must realize that what you are doing is insane.。

Boston LegalIvan the IncorrigibleSeason 2, Episode 22Written by David E. Kelley2006 David E. Kelley Productions. All Rights Reserved.Broadcast: April 18, 2006Transcribed by Imamess and Sheri for [version updated April 24, 2006]At Crane, Poole and Schmidt Shirley Schmidt and Ivan Tiggs exiting elevatorShirley Schmidt: Thank you for walking me to work. Can I interest you in a cup of…? Ivan interrupts Shirley with a kiss. I see you don’t need coffee. Ivan tries again, but is rebuffed. Ivan, I’m...ah... I’m feeling a little exposed.Ivan Tiggs: Wherever that is, could you put my hand there? Besides, it’s not even seven. No one else is ev...Denny Crane:Walking into the hallway) One question. Who was on top?Ivan Tiggs: Me. Her. Me and then her. A little early, aren’t you now, Denny?Denny Crane: I’m an early riser. As I recall, Shirley, so are you.Shirley Schmidt: I was just desperate to get out of your bed, Denny.Denny Crane:He laughs. Toodles.Shirley Schmidt: See me for lunch?Ivan Tiggs: I’ll pick you up. They part, Shirley Schmidt headed for her office, while Ivan heads back to the elevator.Shirley enters her office; Missy is awaiting her arrivalShirley Schmidt: Missy. I… How are you?Missy Tiggs: I hope you don’t mind my coming here. It’s about Ivan.Shirley Schmidt: Of course.Missy Tiggs: I know it’s crazy, but... I think Ivan is cheating.Shirley Schmidt: Cheating? On you? His wife!Missy Tiggs: Part of me thinks it’s so silly. She laughs and snorts.Shirley Schmidt: Ohh, God… So, he hasn’t said anything to you?Missy Tiggs: Oh, of course not. But you know my man of La Mancha. He’s a wanderer, Shirley, and I just have this feeling that his eye has wandered. Shirley’s look says, “Not just his eye…” Would it be awfully horrible of me to ask you to talk to him?Shirley Schmidt: Oh, I’ll talk to him.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt Jerry “Hands” Espenson enters the building with a big social smile and a salute.Brad Chase: Jerry!Jerry Espenson: Brad! Stage handshake. How are the kids?Brad Chase: I don’t have any kids.Jerry Espenson: Great!Alan Shore is in his office; reading a newspaper.Jerry Espenson: He comes in. Oh.Alan Shore: Jerry! What a nice surprise. He gets up to shake hands.Jerry Espenson: Alan! A pleasure. What did you have for breakfast?Alan Shore: Umm, English muffin. He realizes his hand is in jeopardy of being in a permanent handshake with Jerry. I see your… He extracts his hand with some difficulty. …behavior modification is going well.Jerry Espenson: Oh, it is. I’ve been working very hard to deal with my Asperger’s syndrome. I’ve been learning to connect to people, to make eye contact, to shake hands, to show an interest in them even if I have none.Alan Shore: A skill I never mastered. He eases Jerry into a chair. What brings you by, Jerry?Jerry Espenson: Well, I’m a solo practitioner now, mostly finance and bankruptcy, but my behavioral therapist suggested that I place myself in more and varied social situations so that I might better practice my new social skills. So I got myself assigned a trial from the courts.Alan Shore: Congratulations!Jerry Espenson: Only, now that I’m actually gonna try a case in a courtroom, it’s well… well. He gets up to pace.His Asperger’s mannerisms are back in full force. Alan, I’m a wreck!Alan Shore:He tries to calm Jerry. What’s the case?Jerry Espenson: Attempted murder. He continues pacing.Alan Shore: Jerry?Jerry Espenson: Yes, it’s daunting. But I know the Massachusetts penal code backwards and forwards, procedure, rules of evidence, objectionable conduct.Alan Shore: Jerry, litigation is about more than knowledge of the law. It’s about confidence… Jerry hangs his head and groans. …and strategy, cheap theatrics. Again, Jerry hangs his head and groans. Alan strokes his neck and back to comfort him. Why don’t I see if I can rearrange some things? Perhaps, if you permit, I could join you as co-counsel?Jerry Espenson: Bingo! I mean, that would be nice.Alan, Jerry and Andre Mkeba are in a prep room at the jailhouse.Ande Mkeba: Three years ago, I received my permanent resident card. It allowed me to bring my son, Dembe, over from Senegal. He was here exactly one month, enrolled at Boston Community College to study engineering. One night, a man approached him, begging for a dollar. Dembe pulled out his wallet, and when he did, the man shot him in the face. Took his wallet and ran. He was caught, but the police used an illegal search warrant, so the case was dismissed. The judge banged his gavel and that was it. Alan Shore: It’s unimaginable.Jerry Espenson: Mr. Mkeba is a bus driver—Route 48, Jackson Square Station via Green Street and Stonybrook Stations.Ande Mkeba: I drive the night shift. I recently pulled over at Green Street, opened my doors, and there he was. The man murdered my son 3 years ago. He got on, paid his fare. He was 6 inches from my face. He didn’t even notice me! At the next stop, I pulled over and it was as if my body took control of me. I picked up the club I keep under my seat. I walked down the aisle to him, and I said, “You know me!” And I began hitting him as hard as I possibly could. I couldn’t stop pounding him.Jerry Espenson: It took four witnesses to pull him off.Alan Shore: I see.Ande Mkeba: I know what I did was wrong. I know that. But if I go to jail, I worry about my family back in Senegal.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt in the kitchenette. A new paralegal, Audrey, is searching for something in the refrigerator. Brad enters, and they walk into each otherAudrey Pugliese: Ohh...Brad Chase: Ah... I was just going for the 2 percent.Audrey Pugliese: Ah, um...Brad Chase: A lot of milk choices these days.Audrey Pugliese: YeahBrad Chase: Have we met?Audrey Pugliese: Audrey Pugliese, paralegal transfer from M and A. I... put a brownie in here this morning and now it’s...Brad Chase: Oh, Denny probably took itAudrey Pugliese: You’re kidding me.Brad Chase: No, he has some boundary issues. Your best bet is to hide it in the crisperAudrey Pugliese:She l aughs. Thanks. C lears her throat.Brad Chase: See ya.Audrey Pugliese: See ya.Alan and Jerry enter Judge Robert Thompson’s courtroom. Alan has to grab the back of Jerry’s coat to redirect him to the stage left table.Jerry Espenson: He’s not supposed to be pacing, Alan. A judge normally sits.Alan Shore: Some judges have their quirks, Jerry. This is his. He runs a very busy courtroom. A.D.A. Douglas Koupfer and a female assistant walk up to the stage right table. Ah, Mr. Kupfer! Jerry, you’re in luck. Mr. Kupfer is my favorite opposing counsel. He’s smart, eloquent, a pleasure to watch, and every time I go up against him, he obligingly loses.A.D.A. Douglas Kupfer You know, if the US really wanted to torture detainees, they could sentence them to be you for a day. I imagine it’s excruciating.Alan Shore:Snarky laugh. You have no idea.Court Clerk: Docket Number 4175, Commonwealth of Massachusetts vs Ande Mkeba. The charge is attempted murder.Judge Robert Thompson: How do you plead?Jerry Espenson: Uh, Jerry Espenson for the defendant. We plead—that is, um—not guilty. Your, your Honor.Alan Shore: By reason of temporary insanity.Judge Robert Thompson: Bail?A.D.A. Douglas Kupfer The Commonwealth seeks remand.Alan soflty clears his throat.Jerry Espenson: Your honor, the crime Mr. Mkeba is charged with committing was the result of a unique and volatile confluence of events that is unlikely to occur again. I’m sorry, could you sit down, please? Judge Robert Thompson: I beg your pardon?Jerry Espenson: You’re distracting, not just to me, but everyone, isn’t he?Alan Shore: Jerry?Judge Robert Thompson: There is nothing in the Constitution that says a judge has to sit on his ass all day, Mr. Espenson.A.D.A. Douglas Kupfer Your honor, the defendant is a flight risk. He has strong ties overseas.Alan Shore: The man can’t afford a flight, and the strong ties Mr. Kupfer refers to is Mr. Mkeba’s family, who will starve if Mr. Mkeba is not allowed to continue driving his bus.Judge Robert Thompson: Oh, very well. Bail is set at $50,000. He bangs his gavel.Alan Shore:To Ande. We’ll have you out by the end of the day.Jerry Espenson: I just got overwhelmed.Alan Shore: Your first time can be emotional. We’ll try not to let it happen again.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, Shirley is in her office.Ivan Tiggs:He enters carrying a grocery bag. I brought wine, cheese, and condoms. I thought we’d picnic.Shirley Schmidt: Missy came to my office today.Ivan Tiggs: Ah! So just the wine and cheese.Shirley Schmidt: She’s fairly certain of two things: 1) that you’re having an affair and 2) that you’re still married to her.Ivan Tiggs: A slight technicality. Look, Missy and I are done, Shirl, I swear. However, it is possible that Missy and I were not on the same page when I broke the news to her.Shirley Schmidt: And what did your page say?Ivan Tiggs: Missy, our marriage is over. I see now that we’ve made a mistake. I think it’s time to admit it and move on and seek our happiness elsewhere.Shirley Schmidt: And what page is Missy on?Ivan Tiggs: Don’t wait up; I’m going out with the guys.Shirley Schmidt: I should have known, Ivan, I know you. You laid the oldest line in the married man’s playbook on me, and I swallowed it.Ivan Tiggs: Look, Shirl, if you wanna stab me with your letter opener right now, that’s how I’d prefer to go anyway. But know that I am going to tell her. It’s just not that easy.Shirley Schmidt: Ivan, tell her.Ivan Tiggs: And then...Shirley Schmidt: There’s no then, Ivan. We’re only dealing in now. Tell her.Ivan wants to say more, but he knows not to; picks up his bag of food and walks out.In Judge Robert Thompson’s courtroom.Kevin Armus: He was driving the bus. Made another stop or two. Each time, he kept looking back at me. Then he put on the, ah, emergency lights, pulled over. I thought there was something wrong with the bus. But then he... he... he stands up, gets right in my face and starts to beat the crap out of me for no reason.A.D.A. Douglas Kupfer Did he say anything to you?Kevin Armus: He said something like, “You killed my son.” Something like that. I... I don’t know what the hell he’s talking about.A.D.A. Douglas Kupfer And, ah, how did the defendant appear to you at this time?Kevin Armus: Like he totally knew what he was doing. Come on, he parked the bus, looked me right in the eye and tried to kill me.A.D.A. Douglas Kupfer: Thank you. Nothing further.Jerry realizes he is up next. He is not prepared.Alan Shore:Quietly. Jerry? It’s your witness.Jerry Espenson: You take this one. I’ll do the next one.Alan Shore: This one’s yours, Jerry. You prepared for this. You are ready .Just stand up…Jerry Espenson: No.Alan Shore: You can do this.Judge Robert Thompson: Counselors? The suspense is killing me.Alan Shore:He gets up. Mr. Armus, you just testified you didn’t know what my client meant when he accused you of killing his son. That’s not entirely true, is it?Kevin Armus: I don’t know what you mean.Alan Shore: Let me be very clear, then. You murdered Mr. Mkeba’s son, didn’t you?Kevin Armus: No.A.D.A. Douglas Kupfer Objection.Judge Robert Thompson holds up his hand, nodding his head.Alan Shore: You shot him in the face to steal his wallet.Kevin Armus: Hey, I didn’t do it.A.D.A. Douglas Kupfer Your Honor, all charges were dropped.Judge Robert Thompson: Mr. Shore... ?Alan Shore: It goes to insanity, your Honor. This man murdered Mr. Mkeba’s son in cold blood. Anyone can understand why a father goes into an uncontrollable rage when his son’s murderer steps onto his bus. Judge Robert Thompson:G esturing for the three lawyers to approach the bench. Counsel, approach.A.D.A. Douglas Kupfer Your Honor, Mr. Shore knows full well that the case against Mr. Armus was thrown out.Alan Shore: Because of a faulty warrant, and the incompetent twits in your office couldn’t fix it.Judge Robert Thompson: Children, enough. Objection sustained. And no more games, Mr. Shore. Waves the three back to their tables) Step back.Jerry aspergers quickly back to his table.Alan Shore:He tries to make small talk with A.D.A. Koupfer. I like your shoes.A.D.A. Douglas Kupfer Don’t start, okay?Alan Shore: Mr. Armus, when my client grabbed you, how many people did it take to pull him off?Kevin Armus: Yeah, like five or six guys at least.Alan Shore: Five or six grown men to pull one man off you?Kevin Armus: He was beating the crap out of me. He wouldn’t stop.Alan Shore: As though he had completely lost control.Kevin Armus: Yeah, that’s ri... A.D.A. Kupfer’s face shows disappointment at Armus’ slip of supporting the idea that Andre may have lost control. I don’t remember much after that. I blacked out and they took me to the hospital.Alan Shore: Nothing further. He walks back to the table.Jerry Espenson: That was great. I’ll do the next one.Alan Shore: You will do the next one. He smiles as he sees Jerry is happy, and may well do the next one.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt in the Library:Brad walks in as Audrey is searching for a bookBrad Chase: Hey! Audrey!Audrey Pugliese: Hey, you! God, I... I’m so glad I got out of M and A. Criminal law is a lot more interesting. There’s so much more to learn. Ha, ha.Brad Chase: Yeah, I like it. Look, as a sort of welcome-to-the-department type of thing, would you like to grab some dinner?Audrey Pugliese: Oh...Brad Chase: It’s just that I know this little Basque place and they serve family-style with long benches. It’s a lot of fun.Audrey Pugliese: I would love that.Brad Chase: I’ll make a reservation for...Audrey Pugliese: Eight?Brad Chase: Eight it is.Audrey Pugliese: Great. Sounds perfect; I’ll meet you there. And then afterwards, maybe we can go back to my apartment.Brad Chase: That sounds like a plan. We could review penal code.Audrey Pugliese: Great. And I’ll show you my vagina.Brad suddenly looks very disturbed/stricken.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt Denise Bauer is in her. Office. Brad comes in.Brad Chase: You speak Italian, right?Denise Bauer: Si. Parlo Italiano.Brad Chase: So let me ask you this. In Italian, does the word... uh... vagina mean something else? Denise Bauer: Something else?Brad Chase: You know. Could it have some meaning other than... you know? Like, is it another term for some sort of ancient seacraft? I asked out Audrey.Denise Bauer: The new paralegal? I’m surprised. You’re usually so sensitive to all the rules around here. Brad Chase: Believe me, there was no sexual harassment involved, at least on my part. But on her part –oof—somebody not as cool as me could write her up.Denise Bauer: What do you mean?Brad Chase: She said yes, then she asked me if later I wanted to see her...Denise Bauer: Seacraft.Brad Chase: Uh huh. As a friend, who’s also a girl, I would really like to know—would you ever say anything like that?Denise Bauer: Probably not.Brad Chase: That’s what I thought your answer would be. But I still like her.Denise Bauer: Brad, what Audrey said is a little odd, but if you really like her, it’s not a deal-breaker; it’s just a—a word. So… anchor’s away.At Crane, Poole and Shirley is in her office; Missy Tiggs arrives; she knocks on the open door. Shirley Schmidt: Missy...Missy Tiggs: I spoke with Ivan and he told me everything.Shirley Schmidt:Shocked. I don’t know what to say.Missy Tiggs: You don’t have to say anything, except maybe you’re welcome, because I owe you a super-huge thank you!Shirley Schmidt: You do?Missy Tiggs: After I spoke with you, I spoke with Ivan. It turns out, I was just being a nervous bride. He’s not having an affair. Ivan reassured me that everything is fine.Shirley Schmidt: Of course he did. Her look says, “Scammed us both”.Missy Tiggs: The thing is, I have a tiny confession to make. I know I shouldn’t, but I still have a squinch of a doubt when it comes to Ivan’s fidelity. I just don’t wanna doubt him for the rest of my life. You have such a clear mind. What should I do?Shirley Schmidt:S he has ideas, but they’re not exactly legal. I think I may have an answer.Alan and Jerry are in Jerry's office (with the Peabody award and geckos flashed). Jerry is practicing his technique for Alan, hands plastered to his sides.Jerry Espenson: Now, Mr. Mkeba, how did you feel when you were beating him with the club?Alan Shore: No, you don’t wanna say that.Jerry Espenson: Right, right. OK. So then I’ll say, “How did you feel during this... during this.” And,... ah... that will elicit testimony that he wasn’t in control of his emotions and he couldn’t determine right from wrong, and therefore, not guilty by reason of temporary insanity. Bingo. Oh, sorry. He bends over his desk to make a mark on his legal pad. Only allowed eight “Bingos” a dayAlan Shore: You’re well under your quota. It’s always good to have a few spare “Bingos” in your back pocket.Jerry Espenson: I felt a little stiff.Alan Shore: Well, fortunately, a courtroom is a rather formal place. The jury won’t expect you to be loose and casual.Jerry Espenson: Good.Alan Shore: Jerry, keep in mind that when you’re questioning the witness, you are in charge of what you’re doing. If you need to take a moment to gather your thoughts, take the moment. Don’t ever feel rushed.Jerry Espenson: Okay. Good morning, Mr. Mkeba. He bows slightly toward Alan/Mkeba. Mr. Mkeba, where are you from?Alan Shore: SenegalJerry Espenson: Senegal. Right. He may say the city that he comes from, too. But, whatever he says, I can deal with it.Alan is nodding, but not so sure.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt Shirley is in her office. Ivan enters.Ivan Tiggs: A post-nup?Shirley Schmidt: My idea. I’m clever.Ivan Tiggs: She gets my cigarette boat.Shirley Schmidt: Only if you cheat.Ivan Tiggs: My box seat at the symphony, my season tickets to the Crimson games. I went to Harvard. Does she look like she went to Harvard?Shirley Schmidt: No, but with 80% of your net worth, she’ll be able to make a sizeable endowment. Who knows? Maybe they’ll rename the “Ivan Tiggs Theater.” The “Ivan Tiggs Can’t Keep It in His Pants Theater” has a nice ring to it.Ivan Tiggs: My golf membership. My custom-made suits. So, basically, if I screw around, she gets my life. Shirley Schmidt: Not your whole life. Just the parts you love. They exchange looks. So what do you love, Ivan? Maybe you should give it some thought.Denise Bauer is walking in the hallway of at Crane, Poole and Schmidt. Brad Chase walks up to her.Brad Chase: She keeps saying it.Denise Bauer: Excuse me?Brad Chase: Audrey. We went out on Friday, again on Saturday. We spent all Sunday morning together. We’re supposed to see each other tonight. And we’re... you know.Denise Bauer: Having sex?Brad Chase: Yes. It’s great. Really great. But she keeps saying that word... a lot.Denise Bauer: As in...Brad Chase: As in oh, boy, my “that” really feels good. Or, wow, you sure know your way around my “that.” At first, I thought, “Maybe she just likes to talk dirty.” Maybe this is a lead-in for something else. But there is no “something else.” It’s just “that”—again, and again, and again.Denise Bauer:She s hrugs. Hm.Brad Chase: I think I need to end it.Denise shakes her head, as Brad walks away.In Judge Robert Thompson's courtroom.Ande Mkeba: No matter how angry, the rest of the world is with the United States, it’s still the place to come for hope and opportunity. But no one told me this could happen. My boy was here exactly one month, and he was gunned down, killed like an animal by another animal. That man, Armus... P oints at Armus.A.D.A. Douglas Kupfer: Objection.Judge Robert Thompson:S tanding behind his chair. Uh, sustained.Jerry Espenson: Okey dokey. Now, Mr. Mkeba, take us to the day of the incident.Ande Mkeba: I stopped my bus, and he came on board—this man who is guilty of killing my son.A.D.A. Douglas Kupfer gets up, ready to object, but...Jerry Espenson: Well, of course, he wasn’t actually found guilty. Um, the case was thrown out. Alan is ready to voice an objection. Uh, let’s move on. Okay. What happened as... when... what happened next, exactly?Ande Mkeba: When I saw him, I froze. My heart began to pound. And I couldn’t breathe. And then I realized what was happening. God had sent me this gift. It was a sign from God Himself.Jerry Espenson: “A sign from God”Ande Mkeba: And then, I let God take over.Jerry Espenson: “God took over”Alan realizes Jerry is using this testimony to support the temporary insanity plea, rather than to elicit the jury’s empathy for Mr. Mkeba.Ande Mkeba: He... I... whatever you would call it began hitting Armus over and over, beating him.Jerry Espenson: No, well, uh, first you pulled over and got your club that you always keep under your seat, and then you started beating him.Alan Shore:A larmed. Jerry...Ande Mkeba: I don’t know. I...Jerry Espenson: No. It... You explained to us the other day exactly how you recognized him, and then you pulled the bus over, and then you grabbed the club... The repetitive gestures of his Asperger’s syndrome are becoming pronounced.Alan Shore: Your Honor, may I confer with my colleague?Jerry Espenson: No, I’m sorry, but if he perjures himself on top of all these other charges...Alan Shore: Jerry...Jerry Espenson:... it'll be much worse, because, in fact, Mr. Mkeba was only attacking Armus in revenge... Alan Shore: Shocked. No...Jerry Espenson: ...for what Armus did to his son. He realizes what he just said, as do Judge Robert Thompson and DA Kupfer. Oh, no! Not revenge! Oh. I did not mean to say “revenge”... Uh...Alan Shore: Your Honor, I would likea brief recess to confer with co-counsel.Judge Robert Thompson: Huh. No kidding. DA Kupfer smirks. Well, it is late. Let us reconvene tomorrow.Ande Mkeba looking stricken.Jerry and Alan enter the Court Prep Room. Jerry is totally unhinged.Jerry Espenson: Oh, God! Oh, God!!Alan Shore:Authoritative,raising his voice. Jerry...Jerry Espenson: I blow it. My first trial. And I blow it. It was as if I could see the wrong words coming out of my mouth, but then they were out and I couldn’t bring them back in.Alan Shore: Jerry, the thing to remember is that a trial is a process. The jury’s decision almost never hinges on just one thing.Jerry Espenson: I said our client took revenge on the victim!Alan Shore: And you shouldn’t have, but you did...Jerry Espenson: Oh, God!Alan Shore:... and we’ll just have to deal with it.Jerry Espenson: How?Alan Shore:He puts a reassuring hand on Jerry’s shoulder. I don’t know yet, Jerry, but I do know this. The trial’s not over.Jerry Espenson: Calming down a bit. Have you ever been involved in a case that was going this badly?! Immediate cut to Alan and Mr Mkeba in Alan’s darkened office.Alan Shore: I’ll be very frank with you. I’ve never been involved in a case that was going as badly as this one.Ande Mkeba: Mr. Espenson made a very big mistake, didn’t he?Alan Shore: He did. Not only did Jerry make an unfavorable impression on the jury, but his statement that you attacked Mr. Armus for revenge is something from which we cannot recover. That bell cannot be unrung. You may pick the metaphor of your choice, but in any event, we will lose.Ande Mkeba: So what do we do now?Alan Shore: I’m afraid we can’t do anything. But, you could do something. You could run. Mr. Mkeba, whatever it was that caused you to uproot yourself and your son to start a whole new life far away from the rest of your family—whatever it was that caused you to do that—how does it compare with spending most of the rest of your life in jail?Ande Mkeba: So, you are telling me to flee?Alan Shore: As a member of the Massachusetts bar, I could never advise you to do that. But I can advise that, if you appear in court tomorrow morning, you will most certainly be found guilty, and they will take you away immediately. Mr. Mkeba, I’m sorry, but a legal victory in this case is no longer possible. The best that you can hope for is to avoid another injustice.In a quiet restaurant; Missy and Ivan Tiggs are holding handsMissy Tiggs: When you and I first got together, my mother said, “Missy, my baby cat, he’s had five wives before you, which puts him on—ding—fifth floor, “Philanderer Department.” But I reminded her that you and I met at church, where we both left the crooked path to follow Our Savior.Ivan Tiggs: Amen.Missy Tiggs: Only those seeds of doubt were planted in my mind and the only thing that brought me peace was when Shirley suggested the post-nup.Ivan Tiggs: Bless her soul, but, as you can see, sweetheart, the solution is no solution at all. It’s simply created strife between us.Missy Tiggs: Yes, now I can see that.Ivan Tiggs: I’m glad.Missy Tiggs: And I have a solution.Ivan Tiggs: Which is?Missy Tiggs: The only way to dive in and cast our lots together is to do just that. I’m going to draw up a post-nup of my own, Ivan Tiggs.Ivan Tiggs: I’m not following.Missy Tiggs: And it’ll go like this. “I, Missy Tiggs, hereby pledge to you everything dear to me—my fully autographed album cover of the original cast of A Chorus Line, my piece of the barricade that accidentally broke off during Les Mis, and… She's getting teary. …my limited edition Phantom mask. Of course, materially, my possessions cannot begin to compete with yours, Ivan, but they are everything I hold dear to my heart. That is, everything that isn’t you. We live in such a horrible jaded world these days. No one at all believes in the happy ending anymore. But a big part of me believes that love can be forever. That’s why I love musicals. That’s why I love you. Ivan is beginning to realize he probably doesn’t deserve her. I can’t imagine ever breaking your heart. And I think if you broke my heart, my life would be over. But you would never do that to me, would you, Ivan?Ivan Tiggs: Not in a million years.In the Hallway at Crane, Poole and Schmidt; Brad is sneaking around, presumably avoiding Audrey.Audrey Pugliese: Hi!Brad Chase: Audrey!Audrey Pugliese: Are we still on for a late dinner?Brad Chase: Hey, listen, about that. I got slammed this afternoon. I gotta file this motion tomorrow morning.Audrey Pugliese: Aww...Brad Chase: I don’t think it’s going to happen tonight.Audrey Pugliese: Oh, that’s okay, we can reschedule. Maybe tomorrow.Brad Chase: Tomorrow, I’ve got basketball, and then my parents are visiting for the weekend. I’ll tell you what, I’ll call you next week. We’re going set something up for next weekend.Audrey Pugliese: No, we’re not; are we?Brad Chase: No. We’re not.Audrey Pugliese: Can I ask what happened?Brad Chase: You keep using the “V” word, and it creeps me out.Audrey Pugliese: You mean vagi…Brad Chase: Yes! Yes.Audrey Pugliese: What is it that you don’t like, um, exactly—the word or the item?Brad Chase: I love the item. I can’t get enough of the item. It’s just the word. It sounds kind of clinical. You don’t hear it very often outside of the classroom.Audrey Pugliese: I can’t believe this. You guys talk about your, uh.. Points to his. …equipment all the time.Brad Chase: Okay. First of all, I don’t. And second of all, we have many clever names for it...Audrey Pugliese: Exactly. You have, like, four thousand names for it! But, God forbid, I say “vagina,” and—Brad Chase:He rolls his eyes. Oh.Audrey Pugliese: Did—did you just flinch?Brad Chase: No!Audrey Pugliese: Fine. You don’t have to go out with me. Grow up! She storms up the stairs.Brad Chase: You’re the one who said it!In Judge Robert Thompson's courtroom Jerry Alan and A.D.A. Kupfer are in front of the bench. A.D.A. Douglas Kupfer: Well, your Honor, this may be an all-time low, even for Mr. Shore...Alan Shore: Your Honor, our client is missing. We should be worrying about his safety, not constructing wild theories about his disappearance.A.D.A. Douglas Kupfer: Oh, please. You knew you were losing, you told him to run, and he ran.Alan Shore: At the risk of forfeiting the bail we posted? Don’t be preposterous! We had no reason whatsoever to tell Mr. Mkeba to run away. The facts are on our side; the jury loves me, and they find Mr. Espenson quirky and endearing. No. The only one with a motive to make Mr. Mkeba disappear is you, Mr. Kupfer. What have you done with him?A.D.A. Douglas Kupfer Your Honor...Judge Robert Thompson: Mr. Kupfer, do you have any evidence that Mr. Shore is hiding Mr. Mkeba?A.D.A. Douglas Kupfer: Not yet.Judge Robert Thompson: Hmm, the police will continue to search for Mr. Mkeba, an international warrant will be issued for his arrest, and, until such time as Mr. Mkeba shows up again, uh, this case is adjourned. He stops DA Kupfer before he can object. No, now everybody, just get out.Alan Shore:To Kupfer. Perhaps you and I should go look for him ourselves. Wouldn’t it be fun to ride around Boston together? We could pack sandwiches!A.D.A. Douglas Kupfer You know, Al? My only fear is that somebody is gonna stab you before I get a chance to take you down.Alan Shore: Odds are, you’re right.Jerry Espenson: It’s been a pleasure, Mr. Kupfer. How ‘bout them Celtics?Offering his handshake. Kupfer walks off.。

Boston LegalHelping HandsSeason 2, Episode 12Written by David E. Kelly2005 David E. Kelley Productions. All Rights Reserved.Broadcast: January 17, 2006Transcribed by Imamess of JSMP for Paul Lewiston, Shirley Schmidt and Brad Chase are in Paul’s office at Crane, Poole and Schmidt.Paul Lewiston: Shirley. I am not going through this again!Brad Chase: Could someone catch me up here?Shirley Schmidt: Denny got engaged.Brad Chase: Mazeltov?Paul Lewiston: No Mazeltov.Brad Chase: Well, who is it this time?Paul Lewiston: Beverly Bridge.Shirley Schmidt: The women Denny ‘Craned’ in the coat room at that charity dinner last week.Paul Lewiston: If this Bev turns out to be another Angie. Oh god.Brad Chase: Angie?Paul Lewiston: Number four.Shirley Schmidt: Wife number five was no picnic either.Paul Lewiston: Clovis.Shirley Schmidt: She almost got him to retire, pull his equity out of the firm and move to Boca.Paul Lewiston: Clovis nearly sunk us.Shirley Schmidt: Half the staff quit.Paul Lewiston: And she was drunk the day President Ford stopped by. Alright, I’ll pull out Denny’s last prenup. See if I can water seal it. Shirley. You talk to the woman, get her story. Brad. Check the partnership agreement. We have to make sure there are no loopholes in the mandatory buyout in case of partner’s death or incapacity.Brad Chase: One thing.Shirley Schmidt: What?Brad Chase: Is there any remote possibility we could be over reacting here?In Denny office music starts playing. Denny and Bev each have a microphone in their hands. They start singing karaoke.Denny Crane and Beverly Bridges: I’ve had the time of my life. I’ve never felt this way before. Brad, Shirley and Paul peek around the corner. Yes, I swear, it’s the truth. And I owe it all the you ‘cause I had the time of my life.Brad Chase: I’ll get the partnership agreement.Denny Crane and Beverly Bridges: I’ve never felt this way before. And I owe it all to you. You, you, you, you, you.In Judge Judge Gordon Kolodny’s courtroom.Clerk: Docket number two four nine six three five. Commonwealth versus Jerald Epsenson. Attempted murder, assault, assault with a deadly weapon, battery, sexual battery, false imprisonment, torture, terrorist threats.Alan Shore: Alan Shore for the preposterously charged Mr Espenson.A.D.A Frank Gingsberg: Frank Ginsgerg for the Commonwealth.Judge Gordon Kolodny: How do you plead?Alan Shore: Not guilty by reason of temporary insanity.Judge Gordon Kolodny: As to bail?Alan Shore: We ask that Mr Espenson be released on his own recognizance.A.D.A Frank Gingsberg: Commonwealth opposes bail.Alan Shore: You can’t be serious! Your Honor! This incident was an aberration. Mr Espenson is an upstanding member of his community, is not a danger to society, and he has a family counting on him at home. Frank Ginsberg steps back to whisper to Shirley.Judge Gordon Kolodny: He has dependants?Alan Shore: Her name is Linda.A.D.A Frank Gingsberg: Your Honor. Let the record show that his dependent is a gecko Mr Espenson threatened to kill his boss in her place of business and has a history of violence. He could be a flight risk.Alan Shore: Flight risk? The man can’t even hail a cab! He turns to Jerry. Sorry.A.D.A Frank Gingsberg: It is incumbent on the Commonwealth to protect at large if, God forbid, he’s released and hurts someone else.Judge Gordon Kolodny: Bail is denied. Defendant shall be remanded into custody immediately.Jerry Espenson: Mealworms are in the fridge. I need to feed Linda. I need to get home.Alan Shore: Jerry, I’ll feed Linda.Alan and Shirley are walking in the corridor at Crane, Poole and Schmidt.Alan Shore: Sexual battery, torture, terrorist threats? That isn’t justice, disproportionate retribution. And good for you, you’ve enlisted the one prosecutor who’s running for D.A. next year. Tell me. How big was your campaign contribution? And is there a matching fund here at the firm we can all go in on?Shirley Schmidt: It was sizeable and speak to Kim in accounting.Alan Shore: Jerry Espenson never intended…Shirley Schmidt: Do not start defending him to me, Alan.Alan Shore: I agreed to defend him. That’s why he put down the knife.Shirley Schmidt: No you agree to represent him. No one here meant for you to defend him.Alan Shore: Shirley. No one is denying what this man has done to you. But he should at least get a fair trial.Shirley Schmidt: Oh by all means, let’s get a fair trial for the man who tried to slit my throat.Alan Shore: Lets!Shirley Schmidt: Understand that everyone at the firm is considered a witness. Don’t expect anyone to help you. Or speak to you.Alan Shore: And won’t that make for a refreshing change? He walks away.Paul Lewiston:He comes up. Shirley? Have you talked to Denny’s fiancé yet?Shirley Schmidt: I’ve been a little busy, Paul.Paul Lewiston: I’m working on the prenup. But we need you to find out her intensions.Shirley Schmidt: You’re the one with the kind eyes. I don’t do girl talk.Paul Lewiston: Do I have to remind you how serious this situation is? If Denny becomes incapacitated… or should I say I say further incapacitated, this woman could become his Nancy Regan. She’d have his power of attorney. She could bring down the firm.Shirley Schmidt: I’ll talk to her.Denise Bauer is in her office at Crane, Poole and Schmidt packing her briefcase. Daniel Post knocks on the door jamb.Denise Bauer: Daniel?Daniel Post: Came to take you to lunch.Denise Bauer: I can’t. I have a case.Daniel Post: What is it?Denise Bauer: A high school teacher is seeking a temporary restraining order against one of her student’s parents. They’re hounding the woman day and night about the daughter’s grades.Daniel Post: Helicopter parents.Denise Bauer: Helicopter parents?Daniel Post: Well, that’s what they call ‘em now. Yeah, parents who hover around their kids, trying to control every aspect of their lives.Denise Bauer: Oh, that would be the Gerings.Daniel Post: Oh. Cool. I’m in.Denise Bauer: What?Daniel Post: I wanna second chair. I mean, why not? I got my law degree. I keep up my MCLE’s.Denise Bauer: Have you ever actually tried a case?Daniel Post: No, but I’ve always wanted to. I mean think of it as the Make a Wish Foundation granting a dying kid his fantasy. Denise gives him a look. If that kid were a rich guy in his forties. Besides I could probably help you. I’m on the board of Lexington School. My kids used to go there. We deal with helicopter parents all the time.Denise Bauer: Well, that could be helpful. I would have to get the client’s approval though.Daniel Post: I can get that.Denise Bauer: I would have to get one of the partners to agree.Daniel Post: Looks like a partner right there. He walks up to Denny. Daniel Post.Denny Crane: Denny Crane.Daniel Post: I’m a client.Denny Crane: I’m a partner.Daniel Post: CEO Christberg and Phelem.Denny Crane: My name is on the door.Daniel Post: I love the offices.Denny Crane: Thank you. I love your hair.Daniel Post: I got a plane.Denny Crane: Indeed?Daniel Post: Could use a little more color though.Denny Crane: I’ll make a note. My fiancé sells office furniture.Daniel Post: Congratulations. I’d love to meet her.Denny Crane: My club. Thursday. They serve reubensDaniel Post: I’ll take you flying. Oh, by the way, I’d like to try a case with Ms Bauer over here?Denny Crane: Why not? See you Thursday.Daniel Post: Thursday. Denise is amazed. That’s what I do. I make connections. That’s how we met! Remember? Shirley walks down the corridor at Crane, Poole and Schmidt. She walks into Alan’s office. He’s there with Jerry. And Linda.Alan Shore: Shirley, I believe you know my client.Shirley Schmidt: Why isn’t this man in jail?Alan Shore: He has an excellent attorney. Who filed an emergency writ with Court of Appeals and the Judge agreed that denial of bail was an abuse of discretion. I’m surprised your lackey at the D.A.’s office didn’t keep you abreast of this. Perhaps you didn’t tip him enough.Shirley Schmidt: He’s not to be in this building. I’ll get a restraining order if I have to.She leaves.Jerry Espenson: She hates me.Alan Shore: Tempers seem frayed all around. That’s why I’m filing for a continuance. We’ll everyone cool down a bit then try again for a plea bargain.Jerry Espenson: No! Plea bargain’s out of the question. It’s not guilty or nothing.Alan Shore: But you are guilty Jerry. A whole office full of people saw you do it. One of the junior associates took a video of you on his cell phone. He’s thinking of entering it in a film festival.Jerry Espenson: No plea bargain!Alan Shore: Proving temporary insanity is a daunting task, you know that. A plea bargain is our best chance to keep you out of jail.Jerry Espenson: If I plea bargain I’ll be disbarred. Alan, my whole life is the law. It’s all I have. It’s what I love. You can’t let them take that away from me.Alan Shore: Then we go to trial.Garrett and Alan are in Alan’s office at Crane, Poole and Schmidt.Alan Shore: Look up any case law, any articles, new reports, anything that supports the theory that stress in the work place can lead to an individual losing control of themselves. Especially in the form of a voilent outburst.Garrett Wells: Got it. He starts to leave and meets Shirley coming in. He quickly hides the clipboard he’s holding.Shirley Schmidt: Hello, Garrett. You’re not helping Mr Shore on the Espenson case because you’re a witness. I’m sure you’re aware that would be a conflict of interest?Garrett Wells: I was just getting him coffee.Shirley Schmidt: Yeah. Well, you can’t do that either. I’ll take it decaf though. Thanks.Garrett Wells: Thank you. He leaves.Alan Shore: Shirley, I know we’re fighting, but there’s no reason to take it out on the children.Shirley Schmidt: Alan. This looks like it could be tough on you. Especially since you don’t have an assistant anymore. Shirley leaves and Melissa comes in carrying a box.Alan Shore: Shirley fired you?Melissa Hughes: Worse. I got transferred to human resources where all the people persons are.Alan Shore: She’s building a Chinese Wall.Melissa Hughes: What’s that?Alan Shore: It’s a legal concept. It keeps anyone in the firm who may be involved in this case from talking to me about it.Melissa Hughes: Well then you’ve got a big-ass wall around you.Alan Shore: Shirley’s just trying to rattle my cage. It’s only a temporary transfer.Melissa Hughes: So you won’t be mad if I ignore you in the hall and just look at your shoes. I need my job.Alan Shore: I’ll try to wear nice shoes.In Judge Peggy Zeder’s courtroom. Traci Carpenter is being questioned by Denise.Traci Carpenter: They call me at night, on the weekends they email, text message my cell phone, they drop by for parent-teacher conferences, they challenge every grade, every assignment. The last straw was when my sister was delivering her baby and I was her coach. They called on my cell phone and when I said that Cathy was starting to crown they asked when she’d be finished so we could discuss Rachel’s paper on The Red Pony. It used to be that teachers spent eighty percent of the time with the students and now we spent eighty percent of the time with the parents and it’s hurting the kids.Denise Bauer: Thank you. She walks back to the table.Daniel Post: Ahem, hem, hem, hem.Denise Bauer: Excuse me Your Honor, just one moment.Daniel Post:In a whisper to Denise. The Judge doesn’t like her.Denise Bauer: She doesn’t like me!Daniel Post: You know who women do find charming? Me.Judge Peggy Zeder: Ms Bauer?Daniel Post: Let me ask a question. Just see how it goes.Denise Bauer: I don’t know about that.Judge Peggy Zeder: Ms Bauer?!Daniel Post: Ms Carpenter. Ah, would you say it’s true that Rachel Gering is a good student?Attorney John Hoberg: Objection! Leading the witness.Daniel Post: Right. Sorry, I knew that. Sorry. Sorry. What kind of grades does Rachel get?Traci Carpenter: She has between a B-plus and an A-minus average.Daniel Post: And has the Gering’s attention done anything to change that grade?Traci Carpenter: Not at all.Daniel Post: One more question. Have the Gerings contacted any other teachers?Traci Carpenter: All the other teachers. The one they hounded the most was Mr Chihee, the math teacher.Daniel Post: How did he react?Traci Carpenter: He quit. He couldn’t take it anymore so he took early retirement. I’m still twenty years away from that.I was so excited to become a teacher. No one told me it would be this way.Daniel Post: Nothing further, Your Honor. Unless, ah, you can think of anything?Judge Peggy Zeder: Ha.Beverly and Shirley are having drinks in a bar.Beverly Bridge: I know what you want Shirley. And yes, Denny does still talk about you. He remembers his experiences with you so fondly. Did you know that he has a position called, ‘The Schmidt’?Shirley Schmidt: Would that be the one where I read a magazine while he lies passed out on the floor?Beverly Bridge: That’s not what I heard.Shirley Schmidt: Look Bev, I’m a busy woman so I’ll just get to the point. Who are you and what are you up to? Beverly Bridge: Oh. We’re going to have that conversation.Shirley Schmidt: We are.Beverly Bridge: So, you think I’m screwing Denny for his money and power?Shirley Schmidt: It had occurred to me.Beverly Bridge: Well, good news! I am. I find money and power just so appetizing. And why did you screw him? Shirley Schmidt: I lost a bet.Beverly Bridge: Shirley. You know, I, I thought you were enlightened. But it turns out that you’re the worst kind of female there is. Either you condemn a woman as a whore because she enjoys sex…Shirley Schmidt: I didn’t say...Beverly Bridge: … or you assume that she’s a manipulative gold-digger.Shirley Schmidt: Ha, ha. Oh, Bev. You know, I’ve completely misread you. Here I had you pegged as some kind of predatory shark. Ha. I came here today with the intension of telling you that if you ever do anything to hurt my friend, Denny, or this firm I will see to it that you are hunted down legally and literally until you are penniless and left to troll airport bars looking for alcoholic pilots nearing retirement age. But I can see I don’t need to do that.Beverly Bridge: You know it’s really hard to believe that you’re the one that came up with, ‘The Schmidt’. She leaves. Male patron:He moves next to Shirely. So, ah. What is ‘The Schmidt’?Denny is in his office at Crane, Poole and Schmidt dancing alone to fast-paced Latin music. Alan comes up and knocks on the door jamb.Alan Shore: May I cut in?Denny Crane: I’m practicing for my wedding. Come and join me.Alan Shore: Why not?Denny Crane: No, no. No, no. It’s not on the one. It's not a mambo. It's a feeling, like a heartbeat. Kachunk, kachunk, kachunk.Alan Shore: Shut up and dance, mister. Denny twirls Alan. This case Shirley is pursuing against Jerry.Denny Crane: I’m not allowed to talk about it. Vietnamese Wall.Alan Shore: Chinese Wall. She’s pressuring the D.A.’s office, she’s cut off all my resources here which is fine, it’s just getting a little crowded around the hotel room with the two paralegals I’ve hired from Harvard always underfoot.Denny Crane: I can’t hear you over the wall. Hey! You’re a natural.Alan Shore: Anything Denny Crane can do I can do backwards and wearing high heels.Denny Crane: The feeling I get around here is that people aren’t that high on Bev.Alan Shore: Haven’t noticed.Denny Crane: Well I don’t care if nobody else likes her. It’s important to me what you think of her.Alan Shore: I imagine I’ll like her.Denny Crane: No Alan, I need a guarantee. And I’m not talking about getting to know her and forming your own opinion. I need you to like her!Alan Shore: Denny? Just knowing you care for her makes me happy enough.Denny Crane:He toyes with Alan’s fingers. I’m feeling a tension. You can’t have a very strong case.Alan Shore: Jerry Espenson was determined to make partner. He didn’t and that’s what made him snap.Denny Crane: Well, what’s so special about that? All the associates wanna make partner. It’s the carrot we dangle in front of ‘em to keep them working.Alan Shore:He waltzes out of Denny’s arms. Excuse me, Denny. He picks up the phone. Melissa I need your help.I need access to some personal files.Denny Crane:He sticks his fingers in his ears. Vietnamese Wall!!In Judge Peggy Zeder’s courtroom. Attorney John Hoberg is questioning Gigi Gering.Attorney John Hoberg: Are you concerned about Rachel’s college prospects?Gigi Gering: Yes. Even the State schools have taken to admitting only the best of the best.Attorney John Hoberg: Are you saying Ms Carpenter isn’t qualified to prepare your daughter?Gigi Gering: No.But we would be remiss if we didn’t stay so involved. Our most important job is to prepare Rachel for her future.Attorney John Hoberg: Nothing further.Denise Bauer: Ms Gering? Are you saying that Ms Carpenter is a bad teacher?Gigi Gering: No. I didn’t say that.Denise Bauer: How would you rate her, B-minus? C-plus? What?Gigi Gering: I don’t think I could really…Denise Bauer: Because she has won a teaching award. So, maybe if you’re not giving her a good enough grade it’s your problem, not hers? Is that possible?Gigi Gering: I never said…Denise Bauer: We know that you’re involved with a lot of other teachers.Daniel Post: We just don’t want our teacher to get lost in the shuffle.Denise Bauer: And maybe you were having a bad day when you evaluated her.Attorney John Hoberg: Objection!Daniel Post: I don’t think you see her potential.Denise Bauer: We know that we don’t see how hard she works.Daniel Post: She works so hard. The other teachers are playing, Traci’s inside…Attorney John Hoberg: Your Honor?Judge Peggy Zeder: Ms Bauer!Attorney John Hoberg: Objection! They’re badgering the witness!Denise Bauer: Of course we’re badgering the witness!Daniel Post: Did you just figure that out?Judge Peggy Zeder: Objection sustained.Denise Bauer: Thank you, Your Honor for sustaining the objection to the badgering of this woman. That’s what this whole trial is about. Let’s stop the badgering.Daniel Post: Nobody should be able to do that sort of thing to anybody. Unless they themselves are actually a badger. In Judge Gordon Kolondy’s courtroom. A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg is questioning Shirley.A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg: In your opinion did Mr Espenson seem insane to you?Shirley Schmidt: No. He seemed to know exactly what he was doing. He even negotiated for the services of Mr Shore as his attorney. He only agreed to spare my life on that condition.A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg: Thank you. Nothing further.Alan Shore: Ugh. Ms Schmidt. He walks up to adjust her microphone. I’m sorry it’s just these damn microphones….I don’t if you were able to hear her clearly. I heard some of it and it sounded great. He taps the mic. Testing! One, two three. Testing! Maybe if you sit a little closer.Judge Gordon Kolondy: Mr Shore. We can all hear the witness just fine.Alan Shore: You can? Good. It’s just Ms Schmidt and I work together and around the office Shirley’s considered something of a low talker.Shirley Schmidt: Mr Shore. Do you have a question?Alan Shore: Yes, I do. I have here Jerry Espenson’s performance reviews for the past fifteen years. Would you please read one for us? He hands her a folder. Pick a year. Any year.Shirley Schmidt: For the record Mr Espenson’s work reviews are all excellent. Now Mr Shore, would you like me to read one aloud for dramatic effect?Alan Shore: Now that you’ve taken all the fun out of it? No. How about I do it? He takes the folder. Uhm. Ah! Yeah. “Jerry has displayed a vast knowledge of the law, delivered all assignments in a timely fashion, has consistently met with the firm’s minimum billables.”Shirley Schmidt: There’s no denying Mr Espenson’s exceptional work habits.Alan Shore: Yet! And I quote, “Jerry Espenson is not partnership material.” What exactly did that mean?Shirley Schmidt: We’re a private firm at Crane, Poole and Schmidt. We have every right to decide what criteria by which to make people partners.Alan Shore: Yes. But, clearly Jerry Espenson is not partnership material. I mean, look at him, he’s awkward, unsociable, keeps his hands on his thighs at all times.Shirley Schmidt: As I said, we have many criteria.Alan Shore: So you’ve been lying to Jerry? Is that it?Shirley Schmidt: I beg your pardon?Alan Shore: About his chances to make partner. You never told him that he wasn’t partnership material. Quite the contrary, you encouraged him again and again to aspire to that position. And yet there it was, “Not partnership material.” in his confidential file since 1990, fifteen years ago. You’ve been lying to Jerry Espenson for fifteen years. Haven’t you?Shirley Schmidt: As you know Mr Shore, not everyone makes partner at our firm or any other. Otherwise our letterhead would be twenty pages long.Alan Shore: But as an institutionalize practice you keep all associates believing they have a chance to make partner. Especially the exceptional ones, even if you never have any intension of doing so. Isn’t that right.Shirley Schmidt: We encourage all our attorney’s to do good work. It’s their job.Alan Shore: That incident in the conference room a week ago with the cake knife? That really rattled you, didn’t it? Shirley Schmidt: Excuse me?Alan Shore: A man held a knife to your throat. You perceived it as a grave threat. It rattled you?Shirley Schmidt: The experience was not a pleasant one.Alan Shore: No I’m sure it wasn’t. But let’s talk about what’s really going on here. Shall we? A gifted, eccentric and loyal employee who worked for fifteen years on a promise, momentarily lost control of his senses when his one dream was taken away. And yet the D.A.’s office has charged my client with everything short of the Lindberg kidnapping, because ultimately they’re just following orders from the great and powerful Schmidt. Aren’t they?A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg: Objection! Relevance!Judge Gordon Kolondy: Sustained. Mr Shore?Alan Shore: Could someone move for a mistrial? Cause I’m fine with that.Judge Gordon Kolondy: You will keep your questions relevant Mr Shore.Alan Shore: Nothing further.A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg: When Mr Epenson was denied partnership at the firm, was he fired?Shirley Schmidt: No he was offered a position of counsel and was free to stay.A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg: And what salary would Mr Espenson have made if he’d stayed at the firm?Shirley Schmidt: Approximately three hundred thousand dollars per year.A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg: Three hundred thousand dollars a year? Sounds like a real coal mine at Crane, Poole and Schmidt.Alan and Jerry are in Alan’s office at Crane, Poole and Schmidt.Jerry Espenson: It’s not going very well. Is it?Alan Shore: No it’s not. Jerry, it might be time to start thinking of who will take care of Linda if you’re away.Jerry Espenson: Oh God. Oh God.Alan Shore: Jerry, I’m going to make a case for temporary insanity that is as compelling as it can possibly be. But it’s thin, at best.And, I must be frank with you. I don’t know if it will be enough.Jerry Espenson: My dad is a mathematics professor at Cornell and he’s always saying, “May I have some toast?”Alan Shore: I don’t understand.Jerry Espenson: He says it over and over again. “May I have some toast? May I have some toast?” And eventually he says it enough and someone always gives him toast.Alan Shore: Your father?Jerry Espenson: He never gives up. That’s what I’m saying. It’s the toast. Bingo. We should never give up.Alan Shore: I won’t give up, Jerry.Denise and Daniel are having dinner in a restaurant.Daniel Post: I felt like a cross between Clarence Darrow and ah, Al Pacino in that movie where he shouts.Denise Bauer: Ha, hm. You are really good at trial law. You should uhm…Daniel Post: Maybe next life. Now enough about me. Let’s talk about you. Why are you getting involved with a dead guy?Denise Bauer: I, ah, try not to think about it. I do find myself being strangely forthcoming with you.Daniel Post: Oh! So you’re my Count Guido.Denise Bauer: Who?Daniel Post: Count Guido da Montefeltro. Ah, in Dante’s Inferno. Dante meets Guido in hell. Guido tells him that if he thought that his words would ever reach the real world he would never reveal his true feelings to anyone. But because he thinks Dante’s dead, he tells him everything.Denise Bauer: So you think I’m honest with you because you’re, uhm, a dead guy?Daniel Post: Something like that. So, Guido? Can I do the closing?Alan is in his office at Crane, Poole and Schmidt with Dr David Cannon.Dr David Cannon: It’s called Asperger’s Syndrome. And as you suspected it is hereditary.Alan Shore: Asperger’s Syndrome? It sounds like something you cure with an ointment.Dr David Cannon: It’s a form of Autism. From the behavior that you described, and from what I read in his personal file.Alan Shore: Oh dear. However did you get hold of that?Dr David Cannon: Jerry Espenson is a classic case. No eye contact, strange tick-like behaviors, passion for a single subject, in this case the law, sudden outbursts. Basically their brains can’t process ordinary non-verbal cues that most people use to communicate. I know it sounds strange.Alan Shore: I’m not one to judge. Do you think Jerry Espenson knows he has it?Dr David Cannon: I doubt it. Most adults don’t know. It wasn’t even considered a disorder until 1995.Paul walks into Denny’s office at Crane, Poole and Schmidt.Paul Lewiston:He hands Denny some papers. Denny?Denny Crane: What’s this?Paul Lewiston: It’s your prenup from your last marriage.Denny Crane:He pages through it and smiles. It’s hard to believe I was ever that young.Paul Lewiston: I took the liberty of drawing up a new one. With some addendums. He hands Denny some more papers.Denny Crane:He reads. “In the event that either party becomes physically or mentally incapacitated their assets…” This isn’t about protecting me. This is about protecting the firm.Paul Lewiston: You’ve been through wives before, Denny. Five of them? This firm is the constant. We’re the ones who are still here. And this does look after your best interests.Denny Crane: You mean the best interests of the firm?Paul Lewiston: Oh, for God’s sake, Denny! Someone has to worry about this firm and since you won’t, I have to! Denny Crane: Because you’re a senior partner. Yet your name isn’t on the door. Mine is. First name on the door.Paul Lewiston: I’m not interested in getting into an historical arguments with you.Denny Crane: Why? Because I built the firm from the ground up?Paul Lewiston: I care about what could happen to the firm now!Denny Crane: Let me tell you what would happen to this firm if Denny Crane left. It would dry up and blow away. And you with it! I’m the big gub on this boat. The captain! You’re nothing but a skinny, overpaid deckhand.Paul Lewiston: No! I am the deckhand who steers this ship because the captain isn’t up to it anymore.Denny Crane: Get out!Paul Lewiston: Look over the new document, sign it and get it back to me today.。

Boston LegalRace IpsaSeason 2, Episode 23Written by David E. Kelly2006 David E. Kelly Productions. All Rights Reserved.Broadcast: April 25, 2006Transcribed by Imamess and Sheri, for In therapist Sydney Fields’ office, Denny Crane is leaning back on the therapist’s couch.Denny Crane:Waxing on. It’s just that I feel like my song is still in me.Sydney Field:Annoyed. What song?Denny Crane: My song! Everybody had a song in them, Sydney, you should know that.Dr Sydney Fields: Oh, I see. And yours is still unsung? Is that it?Denny Crane: Yeah. I mean, here I am in my seventies and I still feel that everything I wanted to express in life is still bottled you inside me like a kidney stone. Talk to me, Sydney. What are you thinking?Dr Sydney Fields: I think you’re bored, Denny.Denny Crane: Bored? How can I be bored? I’m Denny Crane. Even the sound of my name fascinates. More, Sydney. More, about me.Dr Sydney Fields: Yeah. Okay. Well, I think that you are a silver spoon-fed, rich, empty, sack, who has nothing to do now but count his money, or spend it on hookers and therapists who offer up some form of affirmation. And frankly, I’m sick of it! I would no longer even treat you but for the six hundred dollars an hour I charge, which sum, I might assure you, is meant to deter your recurring visits. Do you understand me, Denny? I would sooner leap from the window than see your lips move, the sight of which is the visual cue that feculent blather is about to spew forth.Denny Crane: This is no way for a therapist to talk to a patient.Dr Sydney Fields: My official medical recommendation would be that you take yoga classes, so that you might gain the necessary flexibility to stick your head up your ass.Nobody speaks for a moment as they look at each other.Denny Crane:He sits up. I, I do feel like an empty sack sometimes. It occasions depression. It even caused me to buy hand gun to end it. I even carry it around with me. Never knowing when I might decide to join the ranks of the unliving. And then I think to myself, “How unoriginal. Suicide is so ordinary. But?” He reaches into his briefcase “If I were to shoot my doctor?” He pulls out a gun, points it at the doctor and pulls back the hammer. “Well!”Dr Sydney Fields: Ah, now, but you see, Denny, that would result in you actually accomplishing something real. You see? He gets up and walks behind his desk. Something actual as opposed to the manufactured heroics of your publicists, the Mad Cow, and then it might suddenly matter, really matter, that you were born! And, and how would you handle that after seventy-plus years of unmitigated insignificance?Denny Crane:He stands up, still pointing the gun. You don’t think I matter?Sydney Field: Oh, pull the trigger, Denny! Do something to rise above your insipid press releases, all the meaninglessness! Just, pull it!Denny Crane: He moves closer, still pointing the gun. You think I won’t?Sydney Field: Actually, I happen to know you will. I happen to know you must. You see, you’re pointing a gun at a therapist who’s not only got a death wish of his own but also a life insurance policy which excludes suicide! You see, Denny? I’ve long been wondering how can I possibly end my life without forfeiting my son’s Harvard education? But, if I were to be murdered! Then...! He opens the desk drawer, pulls a gun out, and aims it at Denny. So. You must shoot me, or I will shoot you. Denny’s face goes white. It’s tense now. Go ahead, pull the trigger, or I will kill you.Denny Crane:Joke’s over. Okay Sydney.Sydney Field: Pull it.Denny Crane: I’m not gonna shoot you, don’t be ridiculous.Sydney Field: Then you must die.Denny Crane: C’mon, Sydney. Game’s over.Sydney Field: I’ll give you to count of three. One.Denny Crane: Sydney!Sydney Field: Two.Denny Crane: For God’s sake!Sydney Field: Three.BOOM. A gun goes off… the two men stare at each other… and then… a little circle of blood begins to form on Sydney’s shirt, just below the shoulder. A beat. Another beat. And he drops. Denny is stunned. The door suddenly opens, Cindy Benson, Sydney’s assistant, steps in… freezes. Screams.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt Paul Lewiston marches down the corridor and knocks on Shirley Schmidt’s door and walks in. Shirley is sitting on her couch, she looks up from her reading. Shirley Schmidt: What now?Paul Lewiston: Denny shot his therapist.Shirley Schmidt: Dear God. Paintball?Paul Lewiston: Real bullets.Shirley Schmidt: Is he…?Paul Lewiston: No. The man is apparently going to survive; he’s in the hospital, Denny’s in custody. Where’s Alan?In Judge Paul Resnick’s courtroom. Alan Shore is sitting in the back.Public Defender Michael Adams: It’s not that I’m not ready, Your Honor! It’s that I was called for trial! Division Six, Judge Holt!Judge Paul Resnick: Judge Holt doesn’t control my courtroom. I told you the last time there’d be no further continuances.Public Defender Michael Adams: I cannot be in two places at the same time!Judge Paul Resnick: Then you should have gotten somebody from your office to cover.Public Defender Michael Adams: Somebody else? The Public Defender’s Office is so overextended…Judge Paul Resnick: So’s the DA’s Office. He’s here and ready!Public Defender Michael Adams: Of course he’s ready, because they prioritize the racial profiling cases. ADA: I object to that, Your Honor.Public Defender Michael Adams: The truth is, we shouldn’t even be here.Judge Paul Resnick: Save it for trial, Counsel, which will begin tomorrow, either with, or without you. Adjourned.The ADA leaves. Alan walks up to Michael Adams.Alan Shore: Excuse me! I couldn’t help but overhearing, which is so often the case when people shout. My name is Alan Shore, and I’m an extraordinary attorney. I could tell you stories, but more incredibly, I’m available.Alan comes out of the courtroom.Chelina Hall: Alan?!Alan Shore:He turns back. Chelina?!Chelina Hall: Oh my God.Alan Shore: How are you?Chelina Hall: I’m fine. How are you?Alan Shore:He hugs her. Today a little dyspeptic, but in general I’m splendid.Chelina Hall: God. The last time I saw you…Alan Shore: I think it was a Sunday, then I was taken off the air, you went off to do movies, and I got switched to Tuesdays, and…Chelina Hall: And here we are. With old footage.Alan Shore: Exactly. You look smashing. A beat. And you’re black!Chelina Hall: Sorry?Alan Shore: This is fate. I just took a case where I think race was a factor. Profiling. I’d love to exploit you which I believe you invited me to do once.Chelina Hall: I meant sexually.Alan Shore: Yes. So. This case involves persecution, civil rights, all the good stuff. Can Legal Aid spare you? The client’s indigent.Chelina Hall: Alan. The last we worked together, I kissed you.Alan Shore: Really? I’d forgotten, you’ll have to refresh me on that. His cells phone rings. Excuse me. He checks the call display of his phone. My lover. Hello Denny? You did what?At the jailhouse Denny is sitting in a cell. Alan is led in by a security guard.Denny Crane: Thought he was a quail.Alan Shore: I’m not laughing.Denny Crane: It’s total self-defense. After I threatened to kill him, the bastard threatened to kill me. It’s not right.Alan Shore: Why were you carrying the gun?Denny Crane: I have a constitutional right to bear arms.Alan Shore: Not a conceal weapon you don’t.Denny Crane: Oh, yes I do. And the Supreme Court’s gonna say so, just as soon as they finish overturning Roe v. Wade.Alan Shore: Denny, this time you’ve gone way too far.Denny Crane: You always say that.Alan Shore: No, I don’t, Paul Lewiston does, and besides you shot another man. Another man!Denny Crane: I’m telling you I had no choice. The man was gonna kill me.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt Brad Chase and Denise Bauer are walking down the stairs.Denise Bauer: He could go to jail for this. I mean, how could he avoid it?Brad Chase: Well, first of all, he’s claiming self-defense, second, the guy’s apparently okay, he just took it in the clavicle. And third, we’re talking about Denny, he shoots people all the time.Denise Bauer: Well, you’re probably right. He’s probably already booked himself on Larry King Live. What’s happening with Sandy?Brad Chase: Nothing.Denise Bauer: I, I thought you were gonna…Brad Chase: Nothing’s happening with Sandy.Denise Bauer: Didn’t you have your big second da…Brad Chase: Nothing’s happening with Sandy! A beat. He sighs. She dumped me.Denise Bauer: I’m sorry. Did she say why?Brad Chase: It doesn’t really matter.Denise Bauer: Brad. While I appreciate how deeply guarded you are, you need to share more. I mean you don’t have any friends to talk to.Brad Chase: I have plenty.Denise Bauer: Name three. He can’t. What happened?Brad Chase: You know? I’m going to tell you. Just to see if the look on your face remotely matches the look on mine when she... You know why she dumped me?Denise Bauer: Hm?Brad Chase: Because I’m a lousy kisser. Denise reacts. Yeah! Exactly my reaction.Denise Bauer: Yeah. Well, all I can say, if that is in fact the reason.Brad Chase: It is.Denise Bauer: You sure?Brad Chase: I called an ex-girlfriend, she confirmed it.Denise Bauer: Confirmed it?Brad Chase: I am the worst kisser in the history of the planet.Denise Bauer: Oh.Brad Chase: Yeah. Let me ask you something. Is it really that important, in the scheme of a relationship, in all it’s potential, including, but not limited to the parenting of children? Is how a man kisses really that important?Denise Bauer: Well, at the beginning, all the promise of romance, and forgive me, but the magic, it’s yes, it’s in the kiss.Brad Chase: Women are always complaining about not being taken seriously. If you look at the leading women’s magazines, Vogue, Cosmopolitan, it’s always about, ‘How do I get a man?’, ‘How do I look?’,‘How do I please a man in bed?’ Now I discover they’re willing to measure the substance of a relationship with a kiss. It isn’t men who demean women. It’s women.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt Alan is walking in the corridor. Brad walks up to him.Brad Chase: Hey! Alan! How’s it going?Alan Shore: Fine. Thanks. How are you? You can get back to me on that. He attempts to leave but Brad blocks him. Brad, if there’s something trapped in there I encourage you to let it out quickly, I’m due in court.Brad Chase: Well, I was wondering if I could join you and Denny on the balcony sometime. Just trying to diversify my life with some male bonding and I was wondering… you know.Alan Shore: Brad, any gathering of three or more men always seems like a team to me, and I’ve never been much of a team player, so if you’re going to show, count me out. But is there something specific you’d like to talk about?Brad Chase: Are you a good kisser?Alan turns and walks into the elevator.In Judge Robert Sanders courtroom.Clerk: Case number six, two, three, four, five, the Commonwealth versus Denny Crane attempted murder…Alan Shore:He rushes in. Alan Shore for the defendant. We’ll waive reading of the charges. He looks up and sees who the Judge is. Oh dear God, it’s you.Judge Robert Sanders: I know who I am, Counsel. You don’t need to tell me it’s me, I know perfectly well it’s me. That superfluous information that is tantamount to jibber-jabber. I do not tolerate jibber-jabber in my courtroom.Alan Shore: The defense enters a plea of, ‘Not guilty’. I move for a ‘probable cause’ hearing.Judge Robert Sanders: Why?Alan Shore: Why? First of, because I’m entitled to, second, because I think…Judge Robert Sanders: He shot him! The victim is in the hospital. I think I have enough probable cause, Mr Shoop.Alan Shore: Actually, Your Honor, since our last get-together I’ve changed my name from, Shoop to Shore. I figured since it’s already on my driver’s license and passport, not to mention all the pleadings before you. Though, I’d never presume you to read pleadings, of course, they’re…Judge Robert Sanders:In unison with Alan. …jibber-jabber.Alan Shore: The victim is in fact scheduled to be released from the hospital today. Is was simply a shoulder wound, which is where my client was hoping the bullet would land once the gun accidentally went off after the victim threatened to shoot my client, putting him in reasonable fear for his life.A.D.A. Duncan Jones: Your Honor, if he wants a probable cause hearing, let him call the arresting officer. Alan Shore: The arresting officer wasn’t there! It was only my client and Dr Fields. We’re talking about attempted murder here. The damage to Mr Crane’s reputation could be irreparable. These charges never should have been filed and I should be allowed a probable cause hearing.Judge Robert Sanders: You talk too much. Alan chuckles. Assuming the victim is physically able, we will reconvene at three PM tomorrow, you talker. Enough of this, this, poopycock.Alan Shore:Under his breath. Poopycock.Denny Crane:He mouths. Poopycock.In a hospital room Dr Sydney Fields is reading a magazine. Denny and Alan come in.Dr Sydney Fields: Oh no. No, no, no. No, you don’t. Get out, Denny.Alan Shore: Dr Fields, I’m Alan Shore. You undoubtedly know by now that we’ve subpoenaed you to appear at a probable cause hearing.Dr Sydney Fields: Well, that’s not a very wise ploy, Mr Shore. What is it you expect me to say?Alan Shore: That you forced Denny to shoot you. That you gave him no choice.Dr Sydney Fields: Oh, you don’t wanna be calling me to the stand. Okay?Alan Shore: Dr Fields, Denny informed me that your intense desire to die played a significant part in what happened. You know often when people contemplate dying they take measure of their legacy. I’m assuming yours thus far consists of many things. Denny assured me honesty is one of them. I shall count on you to be honest in that witness chair tomorrow, sir.Dr Sydney Fields: Well, now I wouldn’t count on anything if I were you.Denny Crane: Sydney, I never would have shot you, you know that.Sydney lifts his magazine to shut out Alan and Denny.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt Shirley is sitting behind her desk. Paul comes in.Shirley Schmidt: Dear God, what now?Paul Lewiston: The managing partners have convened a meeting. The topic of discussion is deposing Denny, expelling him from the firm.Shirley Schmidt: What? First of all the financial hit would…Paul Lewiston: They don’t care. They’ve had enough.Shirley Schmidt: Second of all, they need to read their partnership agreement. Denny can’t…Paul Lewiston: Evidently, we need to read it. There is a clause which calls for his ouster should he ever be convicted of a felony, which he is certainly looking at now.Shirley Schmidt: What do we do now?Paul Lewiston: I don’t know. They seem serious. Why shouldn’t they be? He shoots people.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt Alan and Chelina walk past Melissa who is filing records. She watches them go into Alan’s office.Alan Shore: Massachusetts has no ‘Stop and identify’ statues. So, we could make the argument that the arrest was unlawful and therefore our client had a right to resist.Chelina Hall: That’ll never fly.Alan Shore: Well, it doesn’t need to fly so much as flap and flutter its way to reasonable doubt. Profiling is wrong we certainly don’t do it when selling off our ports. Why are you looking at me like that?Chelina Hall: Who’s closing here?Alan Shore: Sorry?Chelina Hall: With the case. Should I close? Or you?Alan Shore: Ah, I’ll take the client, and you can close.Melissa comes to the door.Melissa Hughes: Alan? May I? Alan follows her out of the office. I’m not terribly comfortable with you working closely with this woman.Alan Shore: What?!Melissa Hughes: I’m tapped into office gossip. I happen to know you kissed her during the Death Penalty thingy case. You’re kissing me now, remember?Alan Shore: Melissa, you and I kissed once. I barely participated, we certainly didn’t agree to any kind of exclusivity. No hickies, or pins, or letterman jackets.Melissa Hughes: You and I are in a relationship, Alan. The fact that you don’t realize it doesn’t give you the license to be unfaithful.Alan Shore: You’re mad as a hatter.Melissa Hughes: When two people sleep together?Alan Shore: That was a night terror thing.Melissa Hughes: I’m talking about the sex.Alan Shore: What sex?Melissa Hughes: The sex you and I both know is coming. Don’t fall for her, Alan. She’s just a guest star.In Judge Paul Resnick’s courtroom. Office Carl Ralston is on the witness stand.Office Carl Ralston: He seemed to be just staring at one of the houses. It seemed very odd. We asked him for identification and he refused to provide it.A.D.A. Oliver Goldberg: And then what happened?Office Carl Ralston: We asked him again, he continued to refuse, so we attempted to take him into custody. That’s when he became violent. We eventually overcame him and placed him under arrest. Chelina Hall: When you arrived at the scene, did you ask him what he was doing?Office Carl Ralston: He said he found the houses on this street quite beautiful. And he enjoyed looking at them.Chelina Hall: And is that lawful in this neighborhood, to look at houses that you find beautiful?Office Carl Ralston: Of course.Chelina Hall: Is it your pattern to ask people for identification when they’re engaging in lawful behavior. Office Carl Ralston: He didn’t live there so I thought that…Chelina Hall: How did you know that?Office Carl Ralston: I patrol that neighborhood. I pretty much know who lives there and who doesn’t. Chelina Hall: You know everybody in this neighborhood? Every person?Office Carl Ralston: Not every person, but…Chelina Hall: How did you know my client didn’t live there?Office Carl Ralston: We have the right to ask citizens for identification. That’s all I did.Chelina Hall: You know what? I checked you out. You’re an exemplary officer. You also have a reputation for honesty. Honestly, Officer, your decision to ask my client for identification? Was is race a factor? The Officer doesn’t answer. Officer, was it at all a factor that he was black?Office Carl Ralston: Black in an all-white neighborhood. Yes, it was a factor.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt Alan is walking down the corridor, Shirley comes up and walks alongside of him.Shirley Schmidt: Alan!Alan Shore: Shirley.Shirley Schmidt: How we doing?Alan Shore: If you mean with Denny, I’ve got a probable cause hearing scheduled. I’m trying to make this go away, though I can’t possibly see how.Shirley Schmidt: You need to. Wagons are starting to circle. If he gets any kind of conviction…Alan Shore: Shirley. Surely, Shirley, he’ll be convicted of something.Shirley Schmidt: Well, it can’t be felony. There’s a clause in the partnership agreement. It’s serious, Alan. Partners seem inclined to expunge him.Alan Shore: Well, his name is on the wall.Shirley Schmidt: They’ll keep the name and broom him.Alan Shore: I see no way of dodging this, short of you having sex with the Judge. I’m sorry, I now feel queasy having even thought of that.Shirley Schmidt: What about the victim? Can he be influenced?Alan Shore: I doubt it. Even if he consented to being shot which he seemingly did, that still doesn’t absolve Denny. He steps into the elevator alone.Shirley Schmidt: Do you have a plan?Alan Shore: At the moment? No. The elevator door closes.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt Denise is sitting behind her desk in her office. Brad is pacing the floor.Brad Chase: It’s so stupid.Denise Bauer: Then why are you being so… ?Brad Chase: Because I’m being stupid. It’s like freakin’ high school, for God’s sakes.Denise Bauer: Okay. Tell me exactly what happened.Brad Chase: I told you. I was on a date. It was terrific date.Denise Bauer: With another woman? Where do you find all these women anyway?Brad Chase: I’m a lawyer, I was marine, just do the math. I’m the complete package.Denise Bauer: Right. So?Brad Chase: So, I get to her front step. Clearly she would have received my kissing her, I wanted to kiss her. I was going to kiss her, but I didn’t because I have this new phobia. I mean a kiss is just a kiss. Right? That’s what the stupid song says.Denise Bauer: What exactly are you doing, when you kiss?Brad Chase: I do what everybody else does.Denise Bauer: Yeah. Exactly what?Brad Chase: Lips meet, at some point I put my tongue in. Swish it around a little.Denise Bauer: Ah. Well. Maybe you could use some pointers or something. I happen to be a very advanced kisser; maybe I can walk you through this a little.Brad Chase: Don’t be ridiculous.Denise Bauer: Beats having a phobia.Brad Chase: No, it doesn’t.Denise Bauer: Fine. Brad Chase storms out, almost plowing into Paul Lewiston, who looks questioningly at Denise. Don’t even ask.In Judge Paul Resnick’s courtroom. Alan is directingAlan Shore: Mr Pryor, why were you in that neighborhood?Dennis Pryor: I like to dream. One dream, I guess my American dream, is someday I’d like to live in a home like those. I enjoy the architecture, the landscaping.Alan Shore: You realize a police officer has the right to ask for identification?Dennis Pryor: And if I would have been doing anything suspect I would have given it to him. If it would have been a random thing I would have complied. But it wasn’t. I was targeted because I was the wrong color.Alan Shore: But, Mr Pryor, come on, you physically resisted the police officers?Dennis Pryor: I never assaulted them. I just… when they pushed me to the ground and tried to handcuff me I simply fought back.A.D.A. Oliver Goldberg: If a police officer sees a man he believes to be a stranger in the neighborhood, and that man is strangely staring at houses for no apparent reason, is it your testimony that it’s unreasonable to ask that man his name?Dennis Pryor: It’s not reasonable to ask him simply because he’s black.A.D.A. Oliver Goldberg: If the man had been white, staring at the houses, it would be okay to ask his name?Dennis Pryor: If he would have been white, he wouldn’t have been asked. That’s my point.Dennis, Chelina and Alan are in a room at courthouse.Dennis Pryor: Plead guilty?Chelina Hall: They’ve offered probation.Dennis Pryor: You’re asking me to plead guilty?Alan Shore: Mr. Pryor, your testimony went well. But let’s not kid ourselves, under the law, police can constitutionally require identification. Without probable cause. Without reasonable suspicion.Dennis Pryor: How can that be?Alan Shore: Because the public wants to feel safe. And people, especially the white ones, don’t want the black ones staring at their homes. Now, we can keep fighting here, but you must know the law does not support us.Dennis Pryor: I wanna fight.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt Denny is in his office, feet up, having a drink. Alan comes in.Denny Crane: How’s it looking?Alan Shore: Not good, Denny.Denny Crane: Oh.Alan Shore: Aside from the case at hand, we’ve got your rather colorful history of shooting people. There was the man in the office last year.Denny Crane: He took you hostage.Alan Shore: Paintball incident.Denny Crane: He threw a rock at me.Alan Shore: Your own client.Denny Crane: In the knee.Alan Shore: It simply won’t be a big leap for a jury to think you’d happily plug your therapist.Denny Crane: I know. I know. It’s different. This time I shot a human being. A real human being.Alan Shore: The others weren’t?Denny Crane: Well, the two were criminals and the other was homeless, but Sidney is real. He pays taxes, he lives, he breathes, he’s a Republican. We’re just so desensitized to guns, I… I… you know, I don’t like to… I just like to... but this… I laughed when I heard that the Vice President mistook his friend for a bird. I actually laughed.Alan Shore: You were the only one.Denny Crane: But to see it for real. I still can’t shake the image of Sydney going down. I , I never thought I’d say this, but I can’t bring myself to so much as look at a gun.Alan Shore: Denny.Denny Crane: The way he fell, I thought he was dead. Gone. Now I’m gone.Alan Shore: It’s not over yet, Denny.Denny Crane: Alan, so help me God, if you ever catch me looking at a gun again… He sighs.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt Chelina is sitting on the couch in Alan’s office. Barefeet up, she is pensively looking out the window. Alan comes in.Alan Shore: How we doing? She throws her legal pad on the coffee table. The pages are blank. A list of everything you love about me.Chelina Hall: That’s my closing. What do I say? The police can legally require an ID, he resisted arrest. Under the law he’s guilty. What am I supposed to do? Ask that the jury disregard the law?Alan Shore: You need to have faith in them, Chelina. You need to remember these are people of conscience, of compassion. You need to remember they’re too stupid to get off jury duty.Chelina Hall: I am not that cynical.Alan Shore: I know you’re not. He sits down next to her on the couch. Shirley Schmidt, she assigned me to a case recently, to close. She felt I had a certain capacity to see the darkness in people’s hearts. One of the reasons I wanted you on this case, among other reasons, I think you have a capacity to tapinto what is fundamentally decent about people. I believe... He leans towards her. ...if you call on this jury to do what is right, morally right… if not legally, He places his hand behind her on the back of the couch. … they will follow.Melissa passes by an interior office window and sees them silently looking at each other.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt Denise is in her office at her desk. Brad comes in.Brad Chase: So what pointers do you have? Specifically? Denise looks up. I have another date.Denise Bauer: Same girl?Brad Chase: Different. Denise nods. The few, the proud, the brave, lawyer package. I get dates all right, but I need you to tell me how to kiss.Denise Bauer: Okay. Uhm. First of all, the stick it in and swish it around thing, it’s not supposed to be like cleaning your toilet.Brad Chase: Nice.Denise Bauer: There needs to be a certain… gentility about it. I think you might be too aggressive.Brad Chase: Okay.Denise Bauer:She gets up and walks toward him. Also, what part of your tongue is making contact with hers?Brad Chase: What do you mean?Denise Bauer: I mean what part of your tongue is connecting with hers?Brad Chase: The tip. What else?Denise Bauer: Oh.Brad Chase: Why?Denise Bauer: Well, this part here? She points at the center of her tongue. Huh? That part is the most sensitive. You don’t eat food with the tip and this part… She points at her tongue again. …is the most sensual.Brad Chase: Well, how do people connect with that part without slobbering?Denise Bauer: They just… uh, okay, could I please show you clinically?Brad Chase: What do you mean?Denise Bauer: I mean, Brad, that I’m a double black diamond kisser, and I’m also incredibly busy, so could I just please just quickly show you?Brad Chase: Well, I guess.Denise Bauer: Okay. They kiss. Okay. Okay. Relax. The tongue isn’t supposed to get hard. I think that, that could be your problem. He nods, she nods. Okay. They kiss again. Longer and deeper this time. Okay, better. Definitely better, but tone down the swishing, and uhm, I feel like you’re blocking my tongue from going into your mouth.Brad Chase: Yeah, I don’t like that.Denise Bauer: What?Brad Chase: I don’t like it when a woman’s tongue goes in my mouth.Denise Bauer: Uhm, Brad, that’s the whole idea. Yours in hers and hers comes into…Brad Chase: Well, I just prefer that everything takes place in her mouth.Denise Bauer: Why?Brad Chase: Because I do.Denise Bauer: Brad! This is why you are the worst kisser in the history of the planet. So, drop the Homeland Security and let the girl’s tongue in. He sighs. Relax. Code yellow.They kiss Even longer and deeper.Brad Chase: Wow.Denise Bauer: Wow! Definitely, no questions asked, wow.Brad Chase: Let’s try it again.They kiss.Denise Bauer:She moans. Um You’re a, you’re a real quick study. She moves away. Wow! She sighs and chuckles.Brad Chase: Uh, let’s put it together. You and me. Me and you.Denise Bauer: I, uh, I don’t… think that… He moves in to kiss her. She removes his hand from her back. Whoa, whoa whoa. This lesson does not include hands. She moves away. Walks over to lock the door. Then comes back for more kisses. Much deeper, much longer and including hands.In Judge Robert Sanders’s courtroom Dr Sydney Fields is being sworn in.Clerk: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, so help you God?。