Differences Between Chinese Marriage Custom and Western Marriage Custom中西方婚俗的差异AbstractThere are many procedures in Chinese marriage custom. The book propriety and ceremony, which records earliest wedding ceremony, says that marriage includes six etiquettes, namely, proposing, asking the name, asking for fortune, sending betrothal presents to the girl's family, discussing th e date of marriage and meeting the bride. In western marriage, there are four procedures. They are proposal, changing surnames, choosing the day and holding the wedding. As the different reli gions, cultural origins, marriage concepts and geographies, there are many differences existing in the two kinds of marriage customs. In Chinese marriage custom, the matchmaker functions almost all the time and youths have no right to choose and women are not on an equal footing with m en. By contrast, in western marriage custom, the priest functions and the youths have legal right to choose whom they want to marry and men and women are equal. There also exist common t hings in the two sides. They have been maintained for thousands of years. But in recent years (e specially after the founding of modern China), people have tended to discard some of the details and advocate simplified marriage procedures and wedding ceremonies.IntroductionMarriage is formed in a long historical evolution of the marriage custom in a nation. It is the reg ularity of the activities that restrains people's awareness of marriage and marriage. Marriage custo m’s binding does not depend on the law, and it can not rely on science tests neither, but on the force of habit, traditional culture and national psychology. During the development of human hist ory, the institution of marriage and family system has experienced different processes of developm ent. Human have experienced group marriage, the dual system of marriage and individual marriag e system (monogamy).As a union of a man and a woman and a family formation stage, marriage includes not only mar riage, but also the preparation phase for the marriage and the performance stage after the festivi ties. It runs through the whole process of life. These customs, as a national symbol and cultural development, plays a very important role in ethnic studies and the history of mankind.China is a country with an ancient civilization and a long history, and many customs. Among so many customs, there is a particular marriage custom. This custom goes through various and long stages of development from ancient simple wedding ceremony to later complex ceremony, from fe udal marriage custom to the modern free marriage custom. During these courses, people’s ideas a re progressing, though we can not say that their ideas are up to th e top of mankind’s ideas in al l over the world at all over the time because there are still backward ideas existing in many plac es, in many people’s mind and they maybe will still exist for a long time. However, they are up t o the top of mankind’s ideas i n a certain stage of the uninterrupted development of ideas. Greek civilization is the base of western culture. Britain plays an important role in western history and western culture, and of course marriage custom.Comparing with each other, they are different in many aspects such as in right aspect and in fre edom aspect and there are many reasons that result in these differences such as cultural reasonand geographical reason.I. Chinese Marriage CustomLike other folk, marriage custom has the same development and evolving process. In the early da ys of humanity, the human relationship in a very long period of time still carried the irregular rela tions like the animal world. There was no marriage at all, if suggest some, the only "arbitrary ma rriage."In China, marriage has gone through for a long time. As a most grand etiquette, it has always b een a high degree of attention. To control the marriage, the family and the whole society, since t he beginning of Zhou Dynasty, Chinese marriage should comply with six procedures, which is the so-called "six etiquettes." And Later in Tang and Ming Dynasty in China, marriage also complied with the "six etiquettes". As time goes by, although many wedding customs experienced various c hanges "Six etiquettes" as the basic pattern has not changed much. It is still essential and core i n marriage custom.Marriage has changed much today, but in many places, there still remains traditional marriage cus tom.In feudal society, a marriage would be decided not by the youths’ love, b ut by their parents' desi res. Only after a matchmaker's introduction and when parents considered the two family condition s were similar and could be matched, would the marriage procedures went forward. Conditions th at should be taken into consideration included wealth and social status. If a boy's family was well -off or an official family, his parents would never permit him to marry a girl from a poor family. Essential to the marriage process were the commonly recognized 'three Letters and six etiquettes'. The three letters were the betrothal letter, the gift letter with a gifts list and the wedding letter used on the day the bridegroom met his bride at her home.The book propriety and ceremony, which records earliest wedding ceremony, says that marriage, usually, involves six necessary procedures, namely, proposing, asking the name, asking for fortune, sending betrothal present to girl's family, discussing date of marriage and meeting the bride. A. Proposing:Proposing is the first etiquette in marriage and is the first meet between the members in the two families. Thus, it is very important. Using a common expression, it is making an offer of marriag e to another family on behalf of the son or daughter.If the parents thought that the girl could be the daughter-in-law in old times, they would ask a matchmaker for sending the gifts and bring the son and the girl together. If the girl’s parents als o agreed on the marriage, they would accept the gifts. People usually used a wild goose when se nding the gifts. Because the wild gooses could fly to the south or the north according to the sea sons and they would never change it which implied the woman would be punctual and also beca use when the wild gooses flied they were in a row and when they stopped they were in a line w hich implied that woman should comply with the marriage rules and arrange in order that one sh ould not breach it.B. Asking the NameIt aims to ask for girl’s name and pray.In ancient times the girl’s name would not be known by other people until th e girl was in an ageof marriage.First, one must have the matchmaker and inform of the man’s family through a card. And the m an’s family would lastly receipt for postal remittance. Thus it can be seen that “asking the name”not only meant that the man’s family wanted to know the girl’s name, but also wrote down the woman’s birthday and Eight-characters (in four pairs denoting the time, date, month and year of a person’s birth, each pair consisting of one Heavenly Stem and one Earthly Branch, used in fortu ne-telling). If the birthday and Eight-characters were not harm the man, the man’s family would l astly receipt for postal remittance. Sometimes the woman’s parents also wrote down the official p osition of the woman’s great-grandpa, grandpa and father and the dowry that could be supplied. What’s interesting is that during this progress it was the matchmaker that functioned, not the ma n’s family or the woman’s family. Matchmaker was also important in the other procedures. In trad itional Chinese marriage, peop le believed “behest of the parents and proposal of a matchmaker”. That’s why many marriages in the past were arranged by parents and matchmakers. Matchmaker’s proposal was the marriage’s valid basis in Tang dynasty.It has been simplified today. Many marriage does not need this process.C. Asking for FortuneAfter asking the name, the bridegroom’s side had got the woman’s birthday and Eight-Characters and they went to consult a fortune-teller then which was called “asking for fortune”. It included t wo aspects of contents. One was consult the female virtues. Ancient people regarded female virtu es as the most important one in the gospel of three obedience that were obedience to one’s fath er before marriage, to one’s husband after marriage, and to one’s son after one’s husband’s deat h and four virtues that was morality, proper speech, modest manner, and diligent work for a wo man according to Confucian ethics.Zhong lichun, Zhuge Liang’s wife (Zhuge Liang was a statesman and strategist in the period of th e Three Kingdoms, now a symbol of wisdom in Chinese folklore) was famous for her ugliness, wis dom and high female virtues. A man in old times always had many wives. In order to solidifying and stead in the family, people paid much attention to female virtues. Hence there was the saw “Marry wife is marrying virtues and take a concubine is marrying appearance”.The other one was consult good or bad luck. If they were not fit for each other in Eight-Charact ers according to the birthday and what’s more, the woman woul d harm the man, the result was t hat this marriage would not be held and would be cancelled. If the result was fit for each other and moreover the woman would make the man prosperous, the man’s side would inform the wo man’s side through the matchmaker and s end the betrothal gifts and exchange cards. Thus the m arriage was actually decided to be held.D. Sending Betrothal Presents to the Girl’s FamilyThe book propriety and ceremony wrote by the scholars in Han dynasty regards it as sending mo ney. If there is no receipt of gifts, there is no marriage. Hence whether receipt the gifts or not i s the implication of the agreement of the marriage by the woman’s side.The significance of it includes two aspects of meaning. One is the thanks for the woman’s parent s bec ause the parents feed up her. The other is help the woman’s family prepare for dowry.E. Discussing the Date of MarriageIn the past, the bridegroom’s side decided the lucky day and sent the matchmaker to inform of t he woman’s family. People paid much atte ntion to the marriage time. They usually had a person l ooked at the almanac or asked for fortune. They liked having marriage in spring or autumn beca use spring was the time that everything comes back to life and time when spring was changing i nto summer and was favor to pregnant with new life; autumn was the season of harvest. After t he labor for a year, people had enough money to hold the marriage.Nowadays, it is also an important event. People pay many attentions to it.F. Meeting the BrideThe marriage is finally held after the five procedures. In the past, the bridegroom wore wedding suit, riding on a horse, and guided the bridal sedan chair to marry the bride on the day. And the bride wore a red cheongsam waiting for the bridegroom. Now, the bridegroom wares western sui t, and the bride wares wedding dress and usually in a car.II. Western Marriage CustomIn the middle ages children were married at a young age. Girls were as young as 12 when they got married, and boys as young as 14. The arrangement of the marriage was based on monetary worth. The family of the girl who was to be married gave a dowry, or donation, to the boy she was to marry. The dowry went with her when the marriage was held and stayed with the boy f orever after the marriage. After the marriage was arranged, a wedding notice was posted on the door of the church. The notice was put up to ensure that there were no grounds for prohibiting t he marriage. The notice stated who was to be married, and if anyone knew any reasons that the two could not marry, they were to come forward with the reason. If the reason was a valid one the wedding would be prohibited.There were many reasons for prohibiting a marriage. One reason was consanguinity, if the two w ere too closely related. If the boy or the girl had taken a monastic or religious vow, the marriage was also prohibited. Sometimes widows or widowers took vows of celibacy on the death of their spouse, and later regretted doing so when they could not remarry. Other reasons which also pro hibited marriage, but were not grounds for a divorce, were rape, adultery, and incest. A couple c ould not be married during a time of fasting, such as lent or advent. Nor could a couple be marr ied by someone who had killed someone.In the middle ages there were few reasons the wedding could be dissolved. One reason was if ei ther the man or woman were not of legal age, 12 for girls and 14 for boys. If the husband or w ife had previously made a religious or monastic vow or were not Christian, the marriage would be dissolved. The last reason a marriage could end was if the woman, not the man, was incapable of sexual relations.A. ProposalWhen the prospective groom had obtained his father’s consent to marry, a formal marriage propo sal had to be made. The prospective groom did not propose in person but sent his friends or me mbers of his family to represent his interest to the prospective bride and her family. If they saw a blind man, a monk or a pregnant woman during their journey, it was believed that the proposal would not be accepted as these signs were thought to bring bad luck. If, however, they saw na nny goats, pigeons or wolves, this was a good omen which would bring good fortune to the marr iage.During Medieval times in western countries, the man proposed by leaving a hawthorn branch at t he door of his beloved on the first of May. By leaving the branch at the door she accepted his p roposal. She made known her refusal by replacing the hawthorn branch with a cauliflower.B. Changing SurnamesIt was thought unlucky for a woman to marry a man whose surname began with the same letter as hers. The sentiment was summarized in the following thyme:To change the name and not the letter is to change for the worst and not the betterThe bride should not practice writing her new name before the wedding. This was thought to bri ng bad luck by tempting fate.C. Choosing the DayAlthough most weddings now take place on a Saturday, it was considered unlucky in the past. Fri days were also considered unlucky particularly Friday the 13th. The famous old rhyme advised a wedding in the first half of the week:Monday for wealthTuesday for healthWednesday the best day of allThursday for lossesFriday for crosses (= funerals)Saturday for no luck at allAdvice on which month to marry in was given by the following rhyme:Married when the year is new, he'll love, kind and true.When February birds do mate, you neither wed nor dread your fate.If you wed when March winds blow, joy and sorrow both you'll know.Marry in April when you can, Joy for Maiden and for Man.Marry in the month of May, and you'll surely rue the day.Marry when June roses grow, over land and sea you'll go.Those who in July do wed, must labor for their daily bred.Whoever wed in August be, many a change is sure to seeMarry in September's shrine, your living will be rich and fine.If in October you do marry, love will come but riches tarry.If you wed in bleak November, only joys will come, remember.When December snows fall fast, marry and true love will last.Marry in May and you'll live to rue the dayMay had been considered an unlucky month to marry in for a number of reasons. In Pagan times the Feast of the Dead and the festival of the goddess of chastity both occurred in May. The adv ice was taken more seriously in Victorian times than it is today. In most Churches the end of Apr il was a busy time for weddings as couples wanted to avoid being married in May. Queen Victori a was thought to have forbidden her children from marrying in May.June was considered to be a lucky month to marry in, because it was named after Juno, the Roman goddess of love and marriage.The summer as a whole was considered a good time to marry and this was partly to do with the sun's association with fertility. In Scotland one popular custom was for the bride to "walk with t he sun" to bring her good. She would walk from east to west on the south side of the church a nd then continue walking around the church three times.D. Holding the WeddingThe wedding ceremony was finally held.The church ceremony in the middle ages took place outside the church door before entering the church for a nuptial mass. During the ceremony in front of the church doors the man stood on t he right side and the woman stood on the left side, facing the door of the churc h. “The reason was that she was formed out of a rib in the left side of Adam.” The priest began by asking if an yone knew of any reason the couple should not be married. He also asked this of the man and woman so they might confess any reasons for prohibiting their marriage.The ceremony proceeded with the priest saying, “N (amen) wilt though have this woman to thy wedded wife, wilt the love her, and honor her, keep her and guard her, in health and in sickness, as a husband should a wife, and forsaking all others on account of her, keep thee only unto he r, so long as ye both shall live?” Then the priest, changing the wording of “as a husband should a wife”, asked the same of the woman. Both the man and the woman should answer by saying”I will.” At this time the woman was given by her father. The wedding continued with the saying of vows. Both the man and the woman, with the exception of the words wife and husband, said,“I N. take thee N. to my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for bette r, fo r worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness, and in health, till death do us part, if the holy church will ordain it. And thereto I plight thee my troth.” At this time the ring exchange occurred. They bowed their heads and the priest gave them a blessing. As husband and wife they entered the church, where they knelt before the altar. At the altar the priest gave a prayer and a blessing, th us ending the marriage ceremony.If the bridegroom and bride did not belong to England of Church, they must use the second marr iage form, according to the law, that was go to the marriage registrant to hold a secular marriag e ceremony.III. DifferencesIt is clear that Chinese marriage custom and western marriage custom differ from each other in many aspects. In Chinese marriage custom the matchmaker has many functions and youths have no right to choose and women are not on an equal footing with men. By contrast, in western ma rriage custom, the priest has functions and the youths, particular the man, have legal right to ch oose whom they wanted to marry and men and women are equal.A. Different Marriage MediaMatchmaker and priest are different. Matchmaker has many functions. Almost in every process in marriage in old times, the matchmaker would attend. First, it was the matchmaker that introduced a man to a woman or a woman to a man, most the former. If matchmaker did not introduce th em to each other, they would not know about each other for ever. If some accident event happe ned, that is they knew each other not through the matchmaker, they would be called “committingadultery with each other “or “a thief if a man and a whore if a woman”. Second, the other proc edures after introduction in marriage were also done by the matchmaker.There were three conditions in marriage i n old China that were the matchmaker’s proposals, six g ifts and meet, people kept honoring the ancestors as the center in these three conditions. The re gulation of listening to matchmaker’s proposals was the rule that people must abide by. The reas on was not only the function the matchmaker had in society, but also the meaning that the matc hmaker had in later generation reproduction.In modern times, matchmaker still has some of above functions such as the function of introducti on.Priest does not always function. It is his duty only when he hosts the wedding ceremony. It was not the priest who introduces the man to the woman or the woman to the man.In Christian’s opinions, wedding ceremony is considered as an important way to get god’s save an d wedding ceremony is a very important part of marriage. Priest plays an essential role in it. And marriage is not valid, unless the ceremony is hosted by priest. There are three conditions in mar riage too. First, there should be some correct things that is used when go to church; second, cor rect means to go to church especially correct reading prayer book; third, correct motive to go to church which emphasizes action by church’s order. It can be seen that church is important in wes tern people’s eyes, so the priest is n ecessary when holding a marriage. And marriage is tinged wi th mystery because of these conditions.B. Freedom: Free or NotIn old China, people looked at the country and society as the standard, thus, “behest of parents”played an absolute important role in marriage. It was the principles of heaven and earth—right a nd proper when parents dealt with the son's or daughter's marriage only by their own opinions. Marriage in China was arranged by family. “Behest of parents and proposals of matchmaker” deci ded everything about marriage. Usually the husband and the wife did not meet each other before getting married. They did not know what their husband or wife liked. Even sometimes they did not know the names of each. If they did not agree the marriage, it was no use because the righ t of decision belonged to their parents. The marriage would still be held.The youths are not free when chose the lover in some places even today.Marriage marks the beginning of complete independence from the parents. According to the Englis h law, no one was allowed to get married under the age of sixteen. Marriage between the age o f sixteen and eighteen must have the parents’ consent. But when the girl was over eighteen, she was free to choose her love. Youths in Britain were relatively free. In Britain, church pointed out “agreement principle” which pointed out that the marriage was valid only when the two persons involved in marriage expressed freely and openly in front of at least two chief witness at wedding ceremony; the marriage was not valid when there existing misunderstanding or force in marriage. Under this “agreement principle”, the father should listen to the daughter’s suggestion, and the f ather should not force the daughter to marry with the man whom she did not want to marry. Th us, it can be seen from this point that, one’s willing was superior to anything.C. Right: Equal or NotChinese men were hold up as “sky” and women were considered as “earth” in old times. Sky wassuperior to earth in old people’s eyes. And women m ust comply with three obedience and four v irtues. But man could have a wife and many concubines. In north of China in some places, husba nd and wife are still unequal.The Bible says that husband should respect wife because both of them are blessed by God. And i t emphasizes that the relations between husband and wife should include duty.D. Different Purposes of MarriageThe main purpose of getting marriage in China is to continue the male offspring. The so-called “t here are three forms of filial impiety, o f which the most serious is to have no heir” reflects the i mportance to serve ancestors. And the filial piety is traditional virtues.In western countries, they are influenced deeply by religion, especially the Christianity. They think that it is the God who has created marriage. There are three purposes of the marriage created by God. First, the couple is lifelong companion with each other; they serve God together. Then g et married, start career and produce an heir to carry on the pious descendants. The final purpose is carrying on the pious descendants to serve to God. So they do not stress the blood relationsh ip. They can remedy the defect of non-child by adopting other children.IV. Reasons for the Differences AboveA. ReligionsAmong all the religion by which people seek to worship, Christianity is by far the most influential in the west. Every phase of man’s life is touched by this religion, so much so that it has become part and parcel of western culture. British dominant religious belief is Christian faith; or rather th e U.K. is a country of Christianity.Bishop ordered marriage law as the fourth chapter in 1234. After issuing the law, it was carried o n under the strong church control. In 1917, the marriage law referred: wedding ceremony should be held by priest or at least two witness; the willing should be true and not be forced.Most Chinese people believes Buddhism which advocates “why and because relationship”. In this p oint of view, sky is the reason, and earth is the result; parents are the reason, and sons or daug hters are the result; husband is the reason, and wife is the result.B. Cultural OriginsTraditional Chinese traditional marriage custom was characterized by a distinctive patriarchal clan s ystem. “Three obedience and four virtues” dec ided that women should become an appendage to t he men and be subordinated to the family interest. It was also characterized by strong feudal pol itical color. Marriage sometimes was a kind of ways to ally in political. The policy of cementing fri endly relations through political marriages was a typical example in history. The traditional marriag e custom was influenced deeply by Confucianism.There sill exists differences between males and females in marriage custom today. This phenomen on is also caused by the traditional Chinese culture.Western marriage custom is influenced deeply by religion, however, which emphasizes both men a nd women are God’s sons and daughters, so they are equal unlike Chinese who pay more attenti ons to boys. Western people consider girls are also the fruit of love.C. Marriage ConceptsChinese people once thought that marriage was a kind of ways to increase families, offspring and protect and enhance family’s reputation and position. Marriage would add a girl of a clan other t han one’s own, so marriage was looked as the important event of family but not one’s own event. The love between the man and the woman was not the first condition of marriage. Today the m arriage concepts have not changed much especially in some backward places. The aim of getting marriage for them is till to increase families, offspring and protect and enhance family’s reputation and position.In western countries, marriage is the love’s home to return to. The aim of marriage is to make t he woman and the man live together all the life. It is the personal affair. They have no duty to i ncrease family, offspring and protect and enhance family’s reputation and position. The marriage j ust make them live together. Thus those westerners stress feeling not the family’s inte rest or rep utation when they are choosing lover.D. GeographiesBritain is over one thousand kilometers from south to north. Its coastline runs about ten thousand kilometers, making it one of the countries with the longest coastlines in the world. In Britain no place is over one hundred and twenty kilometers from the sea. During the fight with the sea, Brit ish people feel the strong force of the nature that is difficult to control. Thus they believed God. They think God is omnipotent and they respect God very much.China’s geography is extremely varied and complex, including mountains, plateaus, plains, grasslan ds, basins, hills, islands, desert, glaciers, and frozen earth. Mountain areas cover about two-thirds of the total land area. This geography decides that Chinese people live mainly by farming and liv e in groups, and later formed the patriarchal clan system with rigidly stratified. This makes Chines e people respect the person that exists in objective reality that is the ancestors that created tribe and saved the country.Chinese people respect ancestors and western people respect God that lead the spirit world in Chi na into ethics that take the main position and in western religion take the main position. Thus it causes marriage differences.ConclusionMarriage custom in both China and western countries has gone through for a long time. As a mo st grand thing in people’s life, it has always attracted a high degree of attention.As time goes by, although many wedding customs have experienced various changes, as the basic pattern, “six etiquettes” in China has not changed much. That’s to say proposing, asking the na me, asking for fortune, sending betrothal presents to the girl’s family, discussing the date of marri age and meeting the bride are still essential and core in marriage custom.In western countries, a valid marriage should experience proposal, surnames, choosing the day an d holding the wedding.There are four differences between the two kinds of marriage custom. Firstly, the marriage media are different. Marriage media in China is matchmaker, but priest in western countries. Secondly, youths have no free right to choose their lover in China, but in western countries people are muc h freer on this point. Thirdly, westerners are equal than Chinese in marriage. Fourthly, the main purpose of getting marriage in China is to continue the male offspring. However in western count。
