中学生校园搞笑小品剧本——历史课本剧《新文化运动》

第15课新文化运动和马克思主义的传播课本剧课本剧《商人吴老板的一天》（第一幕，背景：1915年，上海街头）陈独秀（下简称陈）与友胡先生（下简称胡）上，裹紧衣服。

报童上：“号外，号外，袁大总统拜祭孔庙，号召全国尊孔复古。

”另一报童上：“号外，号外，北京各界民众成立‘公民请愿团’，上书袁大总统要求改民主共和制为君主立宪制。

”陈：“唉，又是袁世凯搞的闹剧！这中国虽美其名曰在共和国体制下，实际上老百姓却备受专制政治之痛苦！”胡：“是啊，这袁世凯复辟称帝之心一日不死，这中国就不能指望享受一日真正的民主共和！”商人吴低头急上，撞上陈，陈：“哎哟。

”吴：“哟，这不是陈先生么，瞧我这急得，不好意思，真不好意思！”鞠躬行礼。

“这位是？”陈：“原来是丰盛商行的吴老板啊，这位是我的朋友胡先生。

您这么急着是？”吴：“哦，我不是做面粉和纺织品生意的嘛，这两年自从换了孙总统和袁总统做了皇帝之后……”胡：“做了皇帝？他们这是叫总统，不叫皇帝！”吴：“嗨，不就换个称呼么，一样，一样！不过自从他们上了台，对我们工商业到很是支持，我的生意是越来越好做了。

这段时间又赶上欧洲在打仗，对面粉和纺织品的需求量很大，我的生意也就做到国外去了。

这不，赶着去和一个外国人签合同呢。

哎哟，光顾着说了，要迟到了，先走一步，再聊，再聊。

”陈：“吴老板走好，祝你马到成功！”吴：（远远回答）“谢谢。

”胡：“唉，这辛亥革命算是白革命了，这民主、自由、平等、博爱的思想都传播了这么多年，居然还有人认为总统就是皇帝。

”陈：“是呀。

看来我国的维新也好，复古也好，共和也好，帝制也好，只不过是政府党与在野党的斗争，而百姓就像隔岸观火，根本就是无动于衷啊。

”胡：“嗯，要想救中国、建立名副其实的共和制度，还得先得进行思想革命，真正地去唤醒民众。

天下兴亡，匹夫有责。

看样子我们必须做些什么来为辛亥革命补补课了。

”陈：“是呀，这辛亥革命只知道宣扬新思想，却不知道应该先破除旧思想！嗯，我要创办一份杂志，既要宣传新思想，更要破除旧思想！这份杂志叫什么名字好呢？”胡：“国家未来的希望应该在广大青年身上，不如就叫《青年杂志》吧！”陈：“《青年杂志》？好名字，就叫《青年杂志》！”（第二幕，背景：吴商人家）吴商人妹上：“哥，你回来啦，生意谈成了吗？”吴：“你说呢？”吴妈：“偶弥陀佛，上天保佑啊！”吴：“妈，看把你乐得！妈，你看，这快过年了，我回来的路上好不容易从钱半仙那儿求了一副春联，等过年的时候贴上。

五四运动话剧(通用3篇)话剧一：《革命的火种》角色：陈独秀：五四运动的领导者，后来创办中国共产党鲁迅：当时的著名作家，思想启蒙者小乔：一位热血青年，加入了五四运动程子立：一个资产阶级学者，对五四运动持保守态度场景：北京大学校园，五四运动期间剧情梗概：该剧以北京大学为背景，通过展示五四运动的发展过程，揭示了青年学生们为国家独立和民主革命而奋斗的历程。

第一幕：开幕式上，陈独秀发表演讲，呼吁学生们走出固守旧有封建观念的桎梏。

小乔被鲁迅的演讲深深感动，决定积极参与运动。

第二幕：广场上，学生们开始集会并举行示威游行。

小乔遇到了程子立，他对五四运动持怀疑态度。

小乔与程子立展开激烈辩论，最终让程子立也对运动产生了新的思考。

第三幕：学生们举行大规模罢课行动，学校内外秩序混乱。

小乔和鲁迅一起参与组织学生活动，呼吁全国的学生们一起加入这场革命。

第四幕：五四运动的声音传遍全国各地，引起了更多人的关注。

广场上，陈独秀等人发表了几个重要的宣言，号召全国人民团结起来，推翻封建统治。

第五幕：五四运动的影响力逐渐扩大，一些封建势力开始对学生们进行压制和迫害。

小乔在与警察的激烈冲突中被捕，但他的坚定信仰激励了更多的人。

总结：通过这场话剧，观众可以感受到五四运动的激情和影响力。

他们将了解到五四运动的重要性，以及勇敢青年们为追求民主和自由以及改变国家命运所付出的努力。

话剧二：《五四的呐喊》角色：胡适：五四运动的领导者之一，后来成为中国著名的文学家和教育家梁启超：著名的中国民主主义思想家和教育家李大钊：五四运动的积极参与者，后来成为中国共产党的重要领导人林觉民：孤儿，满怀激情的革命者，为推翻清朝而奋斗场景：北京大学校园，五四运动期间剧情梗概：该剧以北京大学为背景，通过几位青年代表的故事，展示了五四运动对中国学生思想觉醒和社会变革的重大影响。

第一幕：开幕式上，胡适首先发言，呼吁学生们追求真理和自由，进行反帝爱国斗争。

随后，梁启超和李大钊陆续发表了激情澎湃的演讲。

五四主题舞台剧剧本剧名：《鲁迅与五四》人物角色：1.鲁迅：现代文学家，思想家2.胡适：新文化运动倡导者3.陈独秀：新文化运动领袖4.潘光旦：五四运动参与者5.陈寅恪：五四运动参与者6.蔡元培：五四运动支持者7.张慈元：五四运动学生代表8.演员1、演员2、演员3场景一：中学教室（演员1、演员2、演员3坐在教室里，正在热烈地讨论）演员1：你们有没有听说过鲁迅先生？他的作品真是有趣又犀利！演员2：当然听说过，我读过他的《狂人日记》和《阿Q正传》，真是让人思考。

演员3：鲁迅先生在文学上有什么突出贡献？演员1：他将现实主义运用到文学创作中，并批判了封建社会的黑暗和腐败。

演员2：鲁迅的作品发出了呐喊，唤醒了人们对于社会现象深刻的反思。

（鲁迅走进教室）鲁迅：你们在讨论什么？演员3：我们在讨论您的作品和您对于现实的批判。

鲁迅：非常高兴听到这样的讨论。

文学应当具有强烈的社会责任感，引导人们思考和改变。

场景二：梁启超书院（胡适、陈独秀、潘光旦、陈寅恪、蔡元培围坐在书院讨论）胡适：五四运动是青年一代的抗议和反抗，标志着中国新文化的崛起。

陈独秀：我们需要追求摆脱束缚的自由，要求反而受到批评，这是可笑的。

潘光旦：我们要以自由和平等为基石，减少传统封建观念的限制。

陈寅恪：我们要重视民族独立和国家强大的意义，这是我们为之奋斗的目标。

蔡元培：我们的目标是培养新一代的精英，使中国重新崛起。

场景三：北京大学校园（张慈元带领其他学生举行游行示威）张慈元：我们要声讨不平等条约，争取民族独立！学生们：抗议不平等条约！争取民族独立！（鲁迅、胡适、陈独秀、潘光旦、陈寅恪、蔡元培围观学生们的示威）鲁迅：这一场游行示威是在告诉我们，我们需要觉醒，反抗不公正的命运。

胡适：学生们的行动表明他们已经意识到自己应该为改变社会做出贡献。

陈独秀：五四运动不仅仅是庆祝，更是我们对社会问题的关注和声讨。

潘光旦：我们要推动中国社会的变革，摆脱旧的束缚和传统。

陈寅恪：让我们一起努力，为了民族独立和国家强大。

中学生搞笑小品剧本中学生搞笑小品剧本（一）作者：古月时间：某天上午大壮小超（边笑边说）哟哟，你们俩是看《不差钱》看多了吧，以为演小品呢！长江：诶！本来这节课我打算逃的，但又怕老师点名呀！如果这节课不点名，那可就真是大大的浪费掉了！大壮：可不是嘛！我的"问道"还等着我去杀boss呢！小超（看了看旁边空的座位）咦！三炮呢？该不会今天又要逃课吧！长江：哈哈，三炮啊，现在不知道正趴在哪个班的窗台上面看班花呢！大壮（傻笑道）长江，你就别再挖苦人家了，我们三炮哥那可是有名的"恐龙杀手"呀。

哈哈……长江：小超、大壮，我向你们爆料一件事。

大壮、小超：什么事啊？长江（坏笑道）昨天晚上我听歌很晚才睡觉，突然听见三炮在磨牙！他说如果老师向我们问其他，就说昨天打球受伤了，在医院养伤。

小超：哼哼这个死三炮。

那长江待会你怎么说？长江：这个崽，老是要我帮他撒谎，这回我不帮他了，让他受点教训也好…这时，冯老师走进了教室…小超：啊啊,冯老师来了…大壮：老冯今天面带杀气，我们可得小心一点啊。

长江：说得不错，大家保重…冯老师：同学们好！大家：老师好！冯老师：现在请大家把上次布置的作业拿出来，我要检查了…十遍吧！大壮只能苦笑不得。

冯老师：长江，你做了没有？这时，只见长江愤愤的站了起来。

长江（用高亢且悲愤的哭腔怒吼）老师，我的作业本不知道被谁给偷去了！最后还用愤怒的眼神虎视了全班同学一眼。

长江：到底是谁？！冯老师：嗯嗯，演得不错，加油啊，长江同学，现在中国电影不景气，以后要靠你来拯救了，孩子！不过，拖欠了作业还是要罚抄的，二十遍，不增不减。

长江：啊？老师，看在我是会员的份上，能不能给个八五折啊、？另外三炮还会意的望了一眼长江，长江也顺势偷偷的做了一个手势。

冯老师：好，你进来吧三炮又一瘸一拐的走着…冯老师：还可以更像一点，你把那左脚再拖一点地，诶…对就是这样，非常像。

看来我们班的同学在当演员方面都还挺有潜质的嘛。

1 《最佳答案》人物：班主任/学生男，学生女，地点：班主任办公室。

班：现在学生越来越难教，摆个架子比天高，作业做的一团糟，横看竖看全是抄。

哎！我们班学生的问题就出现在这，这不，学生李家旭，王丽珍，今天又闯祸了。

竟和老师吵起架来，这不又要找他们谈话。

李，王：（敲门）班：进来。

李王：班主任，您我们有事吗？班：也没什么事。

李：没什么事，那我们先回去了。

（欲走）班：回来，没事能找你们吗？你们今天上陈老师的课犯什么错误什么了？李：也没什么，只是和老师吵起来了。

班：和老师吵起来了，还没什么？你们眼里还有没有老师，还懂不懂尊师重道了。

王：老师，我们又没做错。

我们只是在维护我们的自尊。

李：是陈老师他太过分了。

完全不顾我们的感受。

班：别激动，坐，要不先喝点水。

王：班主任你真好。

班：那到底是怎么一回事。

李：呵，也就是我们抄作业的事。

班：什么？又是抄作业，你说，你们看看自己的作业。

鬼看了都怕。

王：怎么说啊？班：和张天师画符似的，你们说鬼看了怕不怕？李：可老师，这一次我们抄的作业很工整，绝对和抄的一样。

班：那你们是谁给谁抄的。

李：老师，是我给他抄的，你不是常说吗？男同学要照顾女同学。

而且学校也说了，学习好的同学要帮助学习差的同学。

班：你？就是还学习好，六门功课你补了四门。

再说了，现在学校有规定学生作业要留档案的，你给他抄也对的。

王：班主任说的没错，你们男同学，只求速度不求分数，把我们女同学可害苦了。

2 班：都不想说你呢！逆来顺受，他要给你抄你就猛抄，就不会检查一下，记住你们是21 世纪的学生，再也不是书呆子，要灵活！李：班主任你不要怪她，是我主动帮她抄的。

作为男生，怎么可以让女生受苦。

怎么可以冷血无情，再说了女人是男人的一半嘛！班：作为男生是不该让女生受苦，但你这样随随便便就帮她抄，还有没有一点男孩子的尊严。

李：班主任说的对，下次就换过来抄。

王：好�6�7�6�7 班：什么？你们这样眼里还有老师吗？还有校纪校规吗？难怪陈老师会批评你们。

《田忌赛马》课本剧时间：战国时一个晴朗的上午地点：赛马场人物：田忌孙膑齐威王观众四五名[幕启：赛马场内，绿草如茵，赛场外来了一些观众，场内，六匹赛马正悠闲的吃草，不时甩甩尾巴]幕后音：齐-威-王-到。

大-将-军-田-忌-到。

主持人：齐国的大将军很喜欢赛马，这次他和齐威王约定进行一次比赛，他们把各自的马分为上、中、下三等，当然齐威王的每个等级的马都比田忌的强。

齐威王：十分自信的出来了。

田忌：面带笑容出来了。

[幕后音：比赛开始了，齐威王和田忌以各自的上等马对上等马，中等马对中等马，下等马对下等马，由于齐威王每个等级的马都比田忌的强，三场比赛下来，田忌都输了。

]田忌：输了，真没劲。

（扫兴，垂头丧气的准备离开赛马场，发现了人群中的好朋友孙膑。

）孙膑：老朋友，留步！（走过来，拍着田忌的肩膀）以刚才的情形看，齐威王的马比你的快不了多少呀……田忌：（瞪了孙膑一眼）想不到你也来挖苦我！（很是不满的样子）孙膑：我不是挖苦你，你再和他赛一次，我有办法让你取胜。

田忌：（满脸狐疑地看着孙膑）你是说另换几匹马？孙膑：（摇摇头）一匹也不用换。

（田忌：（没信心）那还不是照样输！孙膑：（胸有成竹地样子）你就照我说的办吧！[音乐]齐威王：（得意洋洋）瞧我的马多厉害。

（看见田忌和孙膑走过来）怎么，不服气？（讽刺的语气）田忌：当然不服气，咱们再赛一次。

齐威王：（轻蔑地）那就来吧。

[幕后：一声锣响，比赛开始。

]孙膑：（附在田忌耳边，平静的样子）用你的下等马对齐威王的上等马。

[幕后音：第一场，齐-威-王-胜。

]齐威王：（不可一世的样子）跟我比？孙膑：（拍着田忌的肩膀，充满信心）用你的上等马对他的中等马。

[幕后音：又一声锣响，比赛开始，配乐，观众欢呼声。

第二场—大将军田忌胜]齐威王：（有点心慌，小声安慰自己）别急，还有一场。

孙膑；（与田忌并肩，信心十足的样子）用你的中等马对他的下等马。

[幕后音：锣响。

比赛一开始，配乐，观众欢呼。

第三场--大将军田忌胜]齐威王：（目瞪口呆）田忌：还是原来的马，只调换了一下马的出场顺序，就赢了。

中学生搞笑校园话剧剧本（Comedy drama for middle schoolstudents）Comedy drama for middle school studentsFlourishing just: others call me flourishing just, I call myself one piece of shit. You see, I grew up learning is not good, the university did not test, and now down the gang, the work is hard to find. Go to work, afraid of suffering. I feel tired when I go to work. Or be your own boss and start a company. I've found that the best money I make now is student money. Look! "Burden reducing company", trying to serve the students and lighten the burden for them, my company slogan is "everything for students, for all students". Hotline: lightening the burden and lightening the burden(Niuniu, live on)Little girl: I heard that the school next to open a burden for students to reduce the company, but also on behalf of students do homework, open this company is not harm us?To live! We are now learning the burden is very light, but also minus what negative? Let's talk to the teacher and let the teacher think of a way for us.Niuniu: OK, let's go now.(two people come to the teacher's office and talk to the teacher.)Niuniu: let's go now. That's the way it is!Live: walk!Niuniu: wait a minute. Let me make a phone call first.(take out the phone and make a phone call)Prosperous just: (bell rings, exultation) you see, open a company how good, business came! (answer the phone) Hello, here is the burden of the company, our company wholeheartedly for the broad masses of student friends service. (insert: bah! Also students and friends) business introduction please press 1 keys, please press the button 2 manual service. (insert: select manual service) Hello, number 120 for your service.Xiao Niu: Hello, I'm a student of the school. I heard that your company is trying to lighten the burden for students. Our classmates are not clear. Let me ask. What services do you have?.Flourishing talent: good! Let me introduce you!Niuniu: I'm afraid I can't hear you on the phone. I'm coming to your office.Flourishing talent: welcome, welcome, warmly welcome you to come over to investigate and investigate! (busy organizing)(two push the door into)Flourishing: Hello, welcome to our company!Live: we are a school student, want to ask.Flourishing: sit down, please sit down. The Secretary poured a glass of water. (a moment) why hasn't it come yet?. Oh The Secretary hasn't asked yet. My company's service, you put 240 hearts.Fu: (puzzled form) 240 heart, never heard of it?Flourishing just: put 120 hearts, heard of?Little girl: I heard of it.Flourishing talent: two people?Two people live: 240 heart.Niuniu: Well, not 250 yet. What do you think of this company?Flourishing: you know? I am an experienced person and quite experienced in this field.Live: you had done?Flourishing: No, no, I have enjoyed this kind of service in elementary school. Every time I ask a question to my classmates, I will......Niuniu: how much is it?Prosperous just: at that time no money, half a rubber. Once the students do homework every please, I will lose half a popsicle.Niuniu: half a popsicle?Flourishing: I eat half, people eat half. The biggest cost is to ask my brother to go to school as my brother. Once, the teacher asked my family to go, I asked the next big brother, guess what? He asked me to get watermelon for him.Live: the result?Swanson: I went to steal a watermelon, he ate watermelon, I go ass to my dad opened the flowers.Niuniu: No, what about your service?Flourishing just: the company is creating a brand, ready to declare 3. 15 recommend brand. The quality is definitely first-class, and definitely kept secret for you.Niuniu: that's great!Prosperous talent: now just opened, twenty percent off discount for the students.Live: our future is long.Flourishing: long term, you can become our member, member not only preferential, each consumption can also be integral. Wewill also hold rich and colorful events for our members.Niuniu: it's not good to serve well. We also need to know how you are doing Which university did you graduate from?Flourishing ability: University? EH?...... Home squat. Live: wow,Big turtle!Flourishing just: small student, how can you curse people? Live: not scold you!How can you tell me I'm a big turtle?Live: the turtle is the student abroad, referred to as the turtle. You really are the sesame seed cake on the street.Flourishing talent: how does this speak again?Niuniu: boorish. Which country does your family sit in? Prosperous: just in the country.Niuniu: domestic? I've never heard of it.Prosperous talent: this...... This...... To tell you the truth, I didn't go to college.Live: which house......Flourishing: just squat at home self-study.Two people chorus: did not go to college, primary school problems, you will do?Flourishing: answer difficult problem is main business, primary school subject is too easy, to me come in is cat catching mouse - not to think.Niuniu: then I'll take a few questions to test you.Flourishing: a piece of cake.Niuniu: how much is 10 plus half minus half?Flourishing talent: No, or ten?Live: (laughs)! 10 plus half is 15, and then half you have 7 or 5!Flourishing talent: Alas! It's too careless. You have another question.Niuniu: you've got to listen this time. A man in the river walk on the bridge, suddenly, the bridge across a big tiger, only heard a thud, think, why?Swanson: This is brainteasers topics, I know that this man is a thud was faint, with a thud down on the bridge.Live: (laughs) ha ha, you are wrong, is a single plank bridge, is the man with a thud fell into the river.Swanson: ah ah ah ah! Why didn't I think of that?Niuniu: No, no, it seems that you can't do it well.Prosperous: don't worry, you give me another question. I'll answer it this time.Niuniu: OK, let me ask you another question. A riddle for you to guess, sheep are not afraid to see the wolf. Guess a songFlourishing just: (thinks hard) this, this is......Live: (laughs) loveProsperous: just one more, let me guessNiuniu: I'll have another one. Don't you get angry?Flourishing just: what is angry, alas, you go out!Niuniu: pigs are dead, guess a song.Prosperous just: let me think carefully. Yes, it's the song of pigs,Live: wrong again, "at least you have"Flourishing: you, how do you again?......Niuniu: uncle, you just said you were not angry.Flourishing: good, good, not angry. It's impossible to solve the problem!Live: that no better, our school language demonstration school, write on the strict requirements can be, everyone handwriting is different, is not their teacher to see that, who dare you homework.Flourishing: Yes, you are right, this is also not good. Where can I do that? I solemnly introduce the last business, instead of parents to go to school to accept the teacher's home visit.Little girl: this one too......Flourishing: don't worry, don't worry, this, I tell you, I have a lot of experience. When I study, I often go to see the teacher with my father. Parents see the teacher usually face, head sweating, heart trouble, home have to rush to find sticks. IShow them to you......Live: uncle, you listen to me......Swanson: now you don't say, I played out, look like, I'll speak......Little girl: Uncle......Flourishing just: do not speak, you are a teacher, I am a student parent. Yes, I'll spray some water, or it can not see sweat (to his face spray).Fu: No, uncle, just the teacher let my father go to school, I didn't dare to call, you'll help me again!Flourishing just: that is very good, let you see my ability, if isn't good, hereafter you don't come.(two people come to the classroom Office)Live: teacher, my father.A teacher: Oh! This is your father. OK, please sit down!Flourishing just: teacher smokes!A teacher: Thank you. I don't smoke.Flourishing just: now, the teacher does not smoke, want to smoke to smoke to reduce weight smoke. Teacher of the children at the school for your trouble, he is not good, not good writers we long have a responsibility, I open a company, a little qiongmang. The child I tube a little, I know there are ten thousand reasons cannot shirk responsibility, teachers, parents and students are lucky Sambo, I will have a good education, striving to create beautiful myth, let the teacher you xishuashua, my parents laugh......Teacher a: you are so humorous. How about your lover?Flourishing just: lover? Teacher, I'm not married. Where do you have a lover?A teacher: no lover, that lucky?Flourishing: Oh, oh, I can't say anything when I'm nervous. I just got married.A teacher: just married, the children are so big? Flourishing: again wrong, just divorce.A teacher: flourishing just!Flourishing talent: Well!A teacher: how do you know live?Flourishing: he just arrived my company to invite me...... Three people together: all over!Flourishing: teacher, how do you know my name is Wang Cai?A teacher: I'll recognize you as soon as you come in. Do you remember that you stole watermelon and were dragged by your father to school?Flourishing just: that can forget, I think of now regret, thestudy is not good, still think of means to conceal a parent, steal the watermelon to give others to eat, ask someone to pretend to be my elder brother to go to school, really regret!Teacher a: you regret now. Do you want the children to open up and regret the same as you do?(Wang was silent.)Live: we are now learning burden, don't need a burden. Since the school "double walk" activities, our school teachers are actively into the students' families, into the hearts of students.Niuniu: now the teacher is good, we are looking forward to our home visits to the teacher.Swanson: think he is wrong, possessed by ghosts. ,A teacher: (singing "higher" sounded) life is like a river, sometimes rolling waves, sometimes in smooth water, brave seaman ride the wind and waves. The teacher knows that you have been down and encountered a little setback, but you have a clever mind, a healthy body, hard-working hands, what are you afraid of? Eight honors and Eight Disgraces ", hard labor glorious, shameful love leisure and hate labour. You should work hard with your own hands to create wealth. You will only harm our students if you drive such a company. Teacher Wei Min, remember?Swanson: remember, remember, he is my teacher, he is good tome.A teacher: he has always been concerned about you, let us take two sentences to you."Don't go astray the burden of the burden of blessing."Niuniu: make money must go the right way.Prosperous just: then I add a sentence, industrious prosperous.Three people: Yes, diligence is the most glorious thing to do!。

校园搞笑课本剧剧本---教材《范进中举》改编(范进放学回家，母亲、妻子正欢喜做饭)(胡屠户提着一副猪大肠和一瓶酒上场)胡屠户:真倒霉，把女儿嫁给你这没有意思的男人，害苦了我，如今不知我积了甚麽德，让你沾了我的光中了相公，我所以带酒来祝贺你。

(范进连连答应)胡屠户:你既中了相公，凡事要讲个规矩。

比如我这行，都是有头有脸的人，又是你的长辈，你怎敢在我们跟前装大。

若是家门口的这些种田的、扒粪的，不过是平头百姓，你若同他拱手作楫，平起平坐，这就是坏了学校的规矩，连我脸上都无光了。

你憨头憨脑的，这些话我不得不教你，免得惹人笑话。

范进:岳父指教极是。

胡屠户:亲家母。

母亲:干什么,胡屠户:你也过来坐着吃饭啊，老人家每日小菜饭，真难过。

我女儿也过来吃点，自从进了你家门，这十几年，不知猪油你可曾吃过两三回哩。

妻子:爸，人家要减肥嘛。

胡屠户:去，一边儿玩儿去。

范进:岳父大人，您能否借我些银两，我上京考试没钱赶车了。

胡屠户:呸～你脑子进水吧～你觉得自己中了一个相公，就癞蛤蟆想吃天鹅肉啊。

我听人说，就是中相公时，也不是你的文章，还是宗师看你太老，给我一个面子，施舍给你的。

如今痴心就想中举人老爷，这些中老爷的都是天上的文曲星～(范进从口袋里掏出文曲星CC300，瞪眼看)他们一个个方面大耳，像你这尖嘴猴腮，也该撒泡尿自己照照～不三不四，就想天鹅屁吃～趁早死了这条心，明年在我们行里替你寻一个教书的差事，每年挣几两银子，养活你那老不死的老娘和你老婆是正经。

你向我借钱，我一天杀一个猪还挣不到钱把银子，都把给你丢到水里，叫我一家老小喝西北风啊～范进:(背着胡屠户)宗师说我火候已到，自古无场外的举人，如不进去考他一考，叫我如何甘心,旁白:于是范进瞒着丈人打着飞的到城里应试。

场景二:旁白:三天后，范进回来了。

(范母和范妻坐在桌旁，范妻用一把小刀小心翼翼地割着一颗胡豆，范母瞪着眼睛凑的很近，仔细看着)范妻:今天的主食就是这了，您凑合着吃吧～您多吃点儿，要吃好啊～(范母小心的捧起豆子，正准备往嘴里送，却掉在了地上。