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So, what's the big news you had us rush all the way over here for?It took you 45 minutes to cross a street.Come on, guys. It's just one baby.Oh, sure, now you guys clam up.Our news. My company has asked me to head up our office in Tulsa.So as of Monday, I'm being officially relocated.- Oh, my God! - What? Monday?- How long do you have to go for? - They said it could be up to a year.- A year? - Well, do you have to go?Well, I kind of have to, don't I?Because of this stupid thing.There's nothing like the support of your loving wife, huh?Wait a minute. Wait, you can't go to Tulsa.Maybe you forgot, but we have tickets to the Jets game next week!I'm sorry, but I don't think I'll be able to make it.But we were gonna go see the Jets!You can't go. I mean, you're the glue that holds this group together.- Really? - Not you.This whole thing is gonna be okay.They said they'd rent us a house in the suburbs. You guys can come and visit. Oh, God, that is so not gonna happen.I can't believe you guys are moving.- I call their apartment! - No!The One With The Pediatrician25You know what? I'm not even sure I can have caffeine.I went through this with Ben and Carol. One coffee won't affect your milk. Just to be sure, I'm gonna call Dr. Wiener.Every time?You don't have to call him whenever you have a question, okay?- Trust me. I know this. - All right. I trust you.I can see you dialing. I don't understand why..I'm on the phone! Dr. Wiener?It's so weird seeing Ross and Rachel with a baby. It's just so grownup.I know, yeah. I feel like we're all growing up.觉得好像我们都一起长大了A person named "Wiener." God, that kills me.- Look at you all grownup. - Well, actually, you know what?I am, you know?Well, that whole thing with Rachel made me realize..that maybe I'm ready for a more serious relationship, you know?Like, I'd like to meet a nice, mature, commitment-minded lady.And looks aren't as important as..Nah, she's gotta be hot.You know, I might know somebody.How about you set me up with someone, and we double-date?I can do that. Yeah. How's Friday?- Done! - All right.Good, really? Okay, let's see.All right.You know who's great? Sandy Poopack."Poopack"?Yeah. All right. Well, that rules out Lana Titwyler.- I've got good news. - You got out of the whole Tulsa thing?Okay, I have news.You don't have to move to Tulsa. You can stay here and keep your job. That's great! How?My boss and I worked out a deal where I'm in Tulsa four days a week.So the other three, I can be here with you.So you're gonna be gone four days a week?No.I'm sorry, are you just used to saying that?No. I can't be away from you for that long.- Really? - Yeah, you're my husband.I won't live in a different state than you for 208 days out of the year.That's fast math. We could use you in Tulsa.Thanks for trying to figure out a way, but if you go to Tulsa, I go with you. You said that without gagging.I know!Well, excuse me?Oh, yeah? Well, up yours too!- Who the hell was that? - Dr. Wiener.Rach, you can't call people at 3:00 in the morning.You know what? You sound just like his wife.Was there anything even wrong with Emma?Yes, of course there is! Okay? I'm not insane.What was it?Hiccups.I told you, you can't call him every time any little thing comes up.Well, not anymore I can't. He fired us!Can you believe that?I could believe it if he came here and hit you over the head with a copy of Highlights. What are we gonna do? We have to find a pediatrician.Wait, Monica said that when you guys were growing up..you liked your doctor. What was his name?Dr. Gettleman?Yeah, no, I don't think that's a good idea.In fact, I think he's dead.Why does everything happen to me?I promise, first thing tomorrow, we'll find another doctor.But I gotta get up early, and I'm not feeling well.You're not feeling well? What do you have? Rubella?Because don't go near Emma, she has not had that shot.You know, come to think of it, it does feel rubella-like.Wiener!Wiener! Wiener! Wiener!Rachel!Great! Now he's gonna know it was me!And the kung pao chicken.Utensils and plates for one.And can you read the order back to me?Great.Yeah. Okay, thanks. Bye.So how is this for our big double date tonight?Oh, my God.Great. Just the reaction I was hoping for.Yeah, so you found someone for me? You didn't forget?Of course not. And you'll love Mary Ellen.She's really smart and cute and funny and..I can't tell you how I know this, but she is not opposed to threesomes.All right.- So tell me something about my guy. - No.Come on, give me something. What's his name?I'm not sure I understand the question.What do they call him?- Mike. - Mike. Okay, what's his last name?Damn it! Is there no mystery left in romance anymore?!We'll see you and Mike at the restaurant in a couple hours.All right, great. See you. Bye-bye.Why'd I have to say Mike? I don't know a Mike! Why couldn't I have said..? There's no guys in there!So this is being a parent, huh?I think I can handle this.Too intense. Too intense.Well, I did it.I told my crew at the restaurant I'm heading off to Tulsa.- Oh, yeah? How'd they take it. - Pretty well. Yeah.They were brave little soldiers.Did their best to be stoic.Some of them even high-fived each other to mask their pain.It's impossible to find a good doctor. How do you know the good ones.. from the ones who'll push their penis against your knee?Excuse me?I know what she's talking about.You probably also had the piano teacher with the wandering hands. Well, we've gotta find a new pediatrician.Ross was getting sick last night, and Emma may have caught it.- Why don't you see Dr. Gettleman? - Ross said he died.He didn't die. I just saw his daughter last week.She said he was fine. Her, on the other hand, botched Botox.Great. Well then, I'm gonna take Emma to see him.I wonder why Ross said that he died?Maybe he confused him with his childhood therapist.He saw a therapist?He used to have a recurring nightmare. It freaked him out.Wow, what was it?That I was going to eat him.Mike!Yeah?Okay.I can't believe I'm doing this with you.Although I did just end a nine-year relationship..so I should be open to taking some risks.That's good. Get all that boring stuff out now.Everything is gonna be fine. Follow my lead, okay?All you have to do is pretend to be Mike.- I am Mike. - Attaboy.Here they come.- I'm Phoebe. - Phoebe. Mike. How you doing?- Nice to meet you. - Joey, this is Mary Ellen Jenkins.So, Mike, how do you and Joey know each other, anyway?How do Joey and I know each other?If I had a nickel for every time somebody's asked me that.- From school. - We met in college.I mean high school.You guys go way back, then. So, what are you up to these days?- Well, I'm a lawyer. - Mike, attorney at law!- Actually, I just gave up my practice. - What?That's the kind of thing you usually run by me.I want to play piano professionally. If I don't do this now, I never will. Great. I like that better than the lawyer thing.Which is why I waited until now to introduce you to Mike.You thought he was still a lawyer.No, that's not what I meant. Let's get you a cocktail.What are you doing?Looking for restaurant jobs for you in Tulsa.That's so sweet. Did you find anything?- Slim Pickins. - Nothing, huh?No. Slim Pickins. It's a barbecue joint.They're looking for a cook. Actually, "cook" may be a bit of a stretch. They're looking for somebody to shovel mesquite."Slim Pickins"? That is so cheesy.Well, So Cheesy also has an opening.Honey, that's okay. I know this woman, Nancy..who's a restaurant biz headhunter. She may know something.Can I say how much I appreciate you coming with me?When we get to Tulsa, I am taking you for a great dinner at Slim Pickins. So Cheesy?Whole Hog?It's gonna be tough to keep kosher in Tulsa.Hi, Nancy? Hi, it's Monica Geller.I'm good. Listen, I'm looking for a job in Tulsa.Yeah, well, my husband's been relocated.Because I love him.No, I don't want a job in New York.Javu's looking? Oh, my God!He asked for me personally? Oh, my God!Wow, this is really, really flattering.But I'm moving to Tulsa.So, just, if you would tell Javu..I'll take it!My name's Rachel Greene. I have an appointment for Emma.Dr. Gettleman is finishing up with a patient. He'll be out shortly.I think you just have a cold. It's definitely not strep.Thanks, doctor.- Would you like a lollipop? - Do you even have to ask?He is alive!It's so surprising that you and Joey have known each other for so long..and I've never heard about you.That's because we had a bit of a falling out.Mike hit my mom with a car.- No, I didn't. - That's okay. I have forgiven you.Now we're friends again, and everything's great.Well, wait. Is your mom okay?Please, we're trying to have a conversation.You're a lot nicer on Days of Our Lives.Days of Our Lives! That's why you look so familiar!- What? - What?What?Do you not know each other?Of course we do. He's playing a game we used to play in high school.We pretend we don't know each other. We played all kinds of games.You remember that one where I punch you in the face for not being cool? Let me ask you something: How many sisters does Joey have?- Six. - No, he doesn't. He has seven.What are you doing? I said seven!Joey, why did you set me up with a stranger?Because I forgot about our date. I'm so sorry.I'm sorry too. And just to be clear, I didn't hit his mother with a car. Although I'd like to be hit by one right now.Yeah, no problem.You are unbelievable. I spent so much time finding the perfect girl for you. Mary Ellen is really smart and cute and loose.嘿！Who are you kidding?You find some guy off the street for me?God, this is humiliating!I'm so sorry. If you don't like this guy, I can find you a better one. Mike? Mike?I'm out of here.It was nice meeting you.- You're leaving too? - I'll stay if you can tell me my name.Have a good night.We leave tomorrow, and you still have a lot to pack.You're right.Maybe I shouldn't go.What?So Nancy told me about this job at this great restaurant, Javu?But it's just a little outside of Tulsa.Well, how far outside?Manhattan?And you're thinking of taking it?Before, you said that being with me was more important than any job. But I guess now it's old job, me, new job.I'm gonna miss this hand!I know this is a lot to ask..but, my God, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.What happened to "you can't live without me four days a week"? Well, if you really think about it, I mean, four days is not that long.I see you Monday before you go to work..and Thursday when you get back..and I always work late on Tuesdays, so really if you think about it..it's really just one day.And well, if we can't make it one day, we got real problems, my friend.- I think you should take the job. - Really?I know it must be important to you when you start chattering like a monkey. That's the nicest thing anybody's ever said to me.It's your dream job. I can't make you pass it up.Besides, I'm proud of you.- You are? - Yeah.And when I get to Tulsa and people say, "Where's the missus"..I'll tell them she's a chef at Javu.And then, when they stare at me blankly..I'll make some offensive Tulsa joke, and thus, begin my isolation.- How was the pediatrician? - I really liked him.Yeah, yeah. It was really, really, really good.- You promised not to say anything. - I know.Ross still sees his pediatrician!I don't care.Are you serious? You still see Dr. Gettleman?He is a brilliant diagnostician!Diagnostician or boo-boo fixer?Seriously, you gotta go to an appropriate doctor.And not an orthodontist..not a gynecologist..and not a veterinarian..Why? I know it's a little weird, but he is a great doctor, okay?He knows my medical history.And every time I go in there, he makes a big deal.You know, "Look, it's my favorite patient."Does he say that before he sticks his thermometer in your tushy?I seem to remember someone bringing his security blanket to college. That was not a security blanket. That was a wall hanging.It didn't spend much time on the wall!Excuse me.Hi. I was hoping to run into you. Can we talk?Sure.Yeah. There's someone I want you to meet.This is my best friend from high school.I'm sorry, I don't think I know you.How hard was that?Look, I'm sorry, really. I'm so embarrassed.Please.Really, I'm a pretty nice guy. Just ask my parole officer. Apparently, I'm not a funny guy.Well, why did you go along with that?Because I was told that I'd get a free dinner, which I didn't.And that I'd meet a pretty girl, which I did.That's true.Well, is anything you told me about yourself true?My name is Mike. And I do play piano.- Prove it. - There isn't a piano here.That wouldn't stand in the way of a true pianist.Okay.You are really good.- I play a little guitar myself. - Really? That's great.- What kind of music do you play? - Like acoustic, folksy stuff, you know? But right now I'm working on a couple lron Maiden covers.Do you think that, maybe, sometime, I could..It's okay. Go ahead, ask me out.Okay. You think, maybe, sometime I could take you out?You just caught me off guard.Yeah, that would be nice.Look at this! My two best friends!Excuse me. I don't mean to be a jerk..but the baby with the rash came in after me.- The doctor will be right with you, sir. - I hear you..but do you have any harder puzzles?Mommy, I can't find Waldo.What page are you on?What, the circus? He's behind the elephant.Wow. So your child's a big fan of the Waldo books too?Yeah, that's how I know.- I'm Ross, by the way. - Hi, I'm Sally.So no ring. Can I assume you're also a single parent?- I am a single parent. - It's hard, isn't it?There's no time for a social life. Where are you gonna meet someone?- Well.. - Mommy, I can't..Sea shore? Row boat.Let's say, I don't know, you met someone in the pediatrician's office. Rossie? We're ready for you.Yeah..Come on, Ross Jr. It's time to go in.Mommy.Mommy, what's wrong with that man?Hey, I helped you find Waldo!- Good, you haven't left yet. - Where have you been?I got held up at Dr. Gettleman's office.There was some guy that freaked everybody out.I don't think I'm going back there.You got here just in time. I really have to go, buddy.Oh, man.- Promise to call me when you land? - Of course I will. I love you.I love you too.Watch the tongue, people. We got a baby over here.- Bye, Chandler. - Bye.- Bye, honey. - Bye.- What's the matter, Joe? - I'm mad at you for leaving.You know, you're nothing but a big leaver.A big leaver with a stupid suitcase.Any chance you're trying to pick a fight to make all of this easier? Dude, you see right through me!Okay, well.. Bye, Mon.Bye, Ross. Rachel.- Bye, Emma. - Okay, bye-bye.Have a good trip. Okay. Oh, my God. Wait.It goes old job..new job..and you.This is just something I have to do.I know.I love you so much.I know that too.Don't worry. I'll be back before you know it. Yes, it will be the same.Because I know, that's how.I promise.You double promise?Call me when you land.- Can I talk now? - Okay, bye.- Joey! - He had to board.。
- Coffee. - Thank you. -咖啡 -谢谢- Cappuccino. - Grazie. -卡布其诺 -谢谢[意大利语]And a nice, hot cider for Monica. 这杯美味的热苹果汁是莫妮卡的Thank you. 谢谢Rach, why does my cinnamon stick have an eraser? 瑞秋为何我的肉桂棒上有橡皮擦That's why. 原来是这样Sorry. 对不起Chandler? 钱德勒Miss Tedlock, you look lovely today. 泰洛克小姐你今天真漂亮May I say that is a very flattering sleeve length on you. 我能说你这袖口长度真显身材吗Mr. Costilick would like you to stop by his office today.科斯特力克先生希望你下班后到他办公室去If it's about those prank memos, 如果他是为搞笑备忘录的事I had nothing to do with them, really. 那绝不是我干的真的Hey, you guys! 各位,Chandler's coming and he has incredible news. 钱德勒马上来他说有天大的好消息So when he gets here, let's all act, like, you know 所以他来的时候我们就......Never mind. But it was gonna be really good. 不管了这一定是很好的消息What's going on? 到底怎么了...So it's a typical day at work... 今天和平常没什么两样...and Big Al calls me into his office 然后艾尔叫我到他办公室and tells me he wants to make me processing supervisor. 说他要我当处理主管- That is great! - Congratulations! -真是太好了 -恭喜...So I quit. 所以我就辞职了Why? 为什么Why? This was a temp job. 为什么因为这只是暂时的工作Chandler,you've been there for five years. 钱德勒你已在公司五年了I know, but if I took it, 我知道但接受升职I'd be admitting that this is what I do. 不就代表承认这就是我的职业Was it a lot more money? 那不是能赚更多钱Doesn't matter. I just don't want to be 我不在乎我不想成为a guy who sits in his office until 12'o clock in the night... 在办公室坐到午夜...worrying about the WENUS. 担心"周净计"的那种人The "WENUS"? "周净计"是啥Weekly estimated net usage system. "每周估计净值使用统计系统"It's a processing term. 这是处理用术语Oh, that WENUS. 这么回事啊What will you do? 你有何打算I don't know, that's the thing I don't know what I want to do. 我不知道问题就在于我不知道想做什么I just know I'm not going to figure it out working there.我只知道我在那工作下去就永远想不明白I have something you can do! 我这有份活给你I have this new massage client, Steve. 我的新按摩客户史提夫Anyway, he's opening up a restaurant... 不多说了他开了一家餐厅...and he's looking for a head chef. 他正在寻找主厨- Hi, there. -Hi. -你好 -你好.I know. You're a chef and I thought of you first. 我知道你是个厨师而且我先想到你But Chandler's the one who needs a job right now,so.... 但钱德勒目前没有工作所以...I just don't have a lot of chef-ing experience. 我没有太多厨师的经验Unless it's an all-toast restaurant. 除非那是家只卖吐司的餐厅What kind of food is he looking for? 他想要什么菜色He wants to do something eclectic. 他想要菜色丰富多变He's looking for someone who can create the entire menu.因此他在找一个能创造出整个菜单的人- Oh my God! - I know! -天啊 -很棒吧So, what do you think? 所以你意下如何Thanks. Pheebs. 谢了菲比- I just don't see myself in a big, white hat. -Ok. -我觉得自己不适合戴白色厨师帽 -好吧Oh, Monica! Guess what? 莫妮卡你猜怎么着Can you see my nipples through this shirt? 你们能透过衬衫看见我的乳头吗No, but don't worry. I'm sure they're still there. 看不见但别担心它们肯定还在Where are you going? Mr. suity man 你要上哪儿去西装笔挺先生I have an appointment with Dr. Robert Pilman, 我和罗伯·提曼博士有约career counselor-a-go-go! 求职顾问阿哥哥- I added the "a-go-go." - Career counselor? -阿哥哥是我加的 -求职顾问You guys all know what you want to do. 你们都已找到人生的方向I don't. 还没You guys in the living room all know what you want to do.在客厅里的各位全都已找到人生的方向You have goals. You have dreams. I don't have a dream! 你们有目标有梦想我却没有梦想You have goals. You have dreams. I don't have a dream!以马丁·路德金的"我有一个梦想"演讲作讽The lesser-known "I Don't Have a Dream" speech. 少见的"我没有一个梦想"演说I love my life! I love my life! 我爱我的人生我爱我的人生"Brian's Song"! 布莱恩的歌- The meeting went great? - So great! -见面的结果如何 -相当顺利He showed me where the restaurant's gonna be. 他告诉我未来餐厅的位置It's this, it's this cute little place on 10th Street. 就在第十街上有个温馨的小店面Not too big, not too small. Just right. 不太大也不太小大小适中Was it formerly owned by a blond woman and some bears? 前任老板是金发女人和几只熊吗I'm cooking for him Monday night, kind of an audition. 周一晚我要煮一餐让他品尝算是面试Phoebe, he wants you here. 菲比他也要你在场It's great for me. You can make yummy noises. 这样对我有好处因为你可以装作吃得很香- What are you gonna make? - Yummy noises. -你打算做什么 -吃得很香And Monica, what are you gonna make? 那莫妮卡你要做什么菜I don't know. It's gotta so be great. 我也不知道但一定会很棒的I know what you can make! I know! 我知道你可以做什么了我知道You should make that thing with the stuff. 你应该用那些东西做这个You know that thing with the stuff? 你知道用那些东西做的这个Okay, I don't know. 好吧我也不知道Guys. Anyone know a good date place in the neighborhood? 各位谁知道附近有约会的绝佳地点How about Tony's? If you finish a 32-ounce steak, it's free. 东尼餐厅如何吃下一公斤牛排就免费Anyone know a good place if you're not dating a puma?有谁知道哪家不用带美洲豹过去的好餐厅- Who are you going out with? - Is this the bug lady? -你要和谁约会 -是昆虫女吗"I love you, Ross." "我爱你罗斯"Her name is Celia she's not a bug lady 她叫希莉亚不是昆虫女and she's curator of insect at the museum. 她是博物馆的昆虫部主任- What are you gonna do? - Go out to dinner... -你们打算做些什么 -出去吃晚餐...then bring her back to my place 然后带她回我的住处and introduce her to my monkey. 带她看看我的猴子And he's not speaking metaphorically. 他这不是在打比方So back to your place? You thinking maybe.... 回你的住处啊你有没有想...Well, I don't know.... 我不知道你啥意思I'm hoping.... 我希望...I'm telling you. That monkey is a chick magnet. 告诉你那猴子是魅力十足She'll take one look at his cute, little face 她一旦看见它可爱的小脸and it'll seal the deal. 然后一切就搞定Celia, don't worry. He's not gonna hurt you! 希莉亚别担心它不会伤害你的Soothing tones. 用安抚的语调- Here, Marcel. - I can't stand this. -过来马赛尔 -我受不了了- He's got his claws on my - Yeah, all right. -它的爪子在我的 -好了乖..Okay, try this salmon mousse. 试试这鲑鱼慕斯Good. 好吃Is it better than the other salmon mousse? 比其他的鲑鱼慕斯好吃吗- It's creamier. -Yeah? Well, is that better? -更滑更柔 -是吗这样更好吗I don't know. We're talking about whipped fish. 我不知道这是条搅成泡沫的鱼I'm just happy I'm keeping it down. 我能不吐出来就已经不错了God, what happened to you? 天啊你怎么了Eight and a half hours of aptitude tests... 8个半小时的天资测验...intelligence tests, personality tests, and what do I learn? 智力测验个性测验我了解了什么"You're suited for data processing "你适合在大型跨国公司for a large multinational corporation." "数据处理部门方面发展"That's so great! You already know how to do that. 这太好了因为你已知道该如何做Can you believe it? 你们能相信吗Don't I seem like I should be doing something cool? 我不像是做那种酷工作的人吗I just always pictured myself doing something.... 我总是想像自己能做点事情Something! 了不得的事情Chandler, I know, I know. 钱德勒我知道Hey, you can see your nipples through this shirt. 原来透过这件衬衫能看到你的乳头啊Here you go. Maybe this will cheer you up. 给这个或许能让你开心点I had a grape about five hours ago, 5小时前我吃了一颗葡萄so I better split this with you. 所以我最好和你平分吃It's supposed to be small. It's a pre-appetizer. 它本来就应该那么小这是餐前开胃菜The French call it an amuse-bouche. 法国人称它为"阿姆兹布许"Well, it is amusing. 这简直是太神奇了Hi, Wendy. Yeah, 8:00. 温蒂对八点What did we say, $10 an hour? 我们不是说过吗每小时十块Okay, great. All right, I'll see you then. 很好再见了$10 an hour for what? 什么每小时十块I ask one of the waitress from work, she's helping me. 我请餐厅里的女服务生帮忙Waitressing? 服务生Of course I thought of you. But.... 当然我考虑过你但...- But.... - But, but.... -但是... -但是什么But it's just this night has to go just perfect, you know? 但是今晚一定要做到完美你知道吗Wendy's more of a professional waitress. 温蒂的经验丰富是个职业服务生And I'm maintaining my amateur status 我应该继续保持业余的姿态so I can waitress in the Olympics. 将来才能在奥运会上当服务生I don't mean to brag, 我不想自吹自擂I don't mean to brag, 该年冬奥会在因斯布鲁克召开but I waited tables at Innsbruck in '76. 但我1976年在因斯布鲁克当过服务生Amuse-bouche? 来点阿姆兹布许Talk to me. 和我说话A weird thing happened on the train this morning 早上我坐地铁时发生了一件怪事Talk dirty. 说下流话- Here? - Come on. Come on. -在这里 -对来吧Say something hot. 说点火辣的What? What? 什么什么Vulva. 外阴Vulva? 外阴I panicked, all right? She took me by surprise. 我当时好害怕她吓了我一跳But it wasn't a total loss. We ended up cuddling. 但也不算一败涂地我们以爱抚收场You cuddled? How many times? 爱抚了啊几次Shut up. It was nice. 闭嘴感觉还不错I just don't think I'm a dirty-talking kind of guy. 我只是不是那种讲下流话的人What's the big deal? Just say what you wanna do to her. 有什么啊你只要说出你想对她如何Or what you want her to do to you. 或是你想她对你如何Or what other people might be doing to each other. 或是别人想对彼此如何I'll tell you what. Try something on me. 这样吧对我说两句试试Please be kidding. 你是在开玩笑对吧Why not? 有何不可Just close your eyes and tell me what you'd like to be doing right now. 只要闭上眼睛告诉我现在你想干什么Ok, I'm in my apartment.... 好吧...我在我的住处- Yeah, what else? - You're not there. -然后呢 -你不在那里.- We're not having this conversation. - All right, I'll start. -我们没有这次谈话 -好吧那我先来- Joey, please... - Come on, ready, look. -乔伊别这样 -来嘛准备好Oh, Ross... 罗斯...you get me so hot. I want your lips on me now. 你让我欲火焚身我要你马上舔我- Now you say something. - I really don't think so. -该你了 -我看还是算了吧- You like this woman, right? - Yeah. -你喜欢她对吧 -对- You wanna see her again, right? - Sure. -想再见到她对吗 -当然If you can't talk dirty to me, 如果你对我都说不出下流话how will you talk dirty to her? 你如何对她说呢Now tell me you wanna caress my butt! 现在告诉我你想爱抚我的屁股Okay, turn around. 好吧转过去I don't want you staring at me while I'm doing this. 我说话时不想你盯着我看All right, I'm not looking. Go ahead. 好吧我不看说吧I want Okay, I want... 我要......to feel your hot, soft skin with my lips. 用我的双唇感觉你那火热光滑的皮肤There you go. Keep going, keep going. 这就对了继续I want to take my tongue and 我要用我的舌头...Say it. 快说啊Say it! 快说run it all over your body... 舔遍你的全身... until you're trembling with 直到你颤抖...With? 然后呢- Funny story. - You're not gonna believe this. -说来好笑 -你不会相信的It's Ok, I was always rooting for you two kids to get together. 没事我一向赞成你们两个小子交往Chandler, while you were sleeping, 钱德勒你睡觉时that guy from your old job called again. 以前的公司又打电话来- Again? - And again and again and again. -又打来 -一遍又一遍Hello. And again. 喂又打来了Hey, Mr. Costilick. How's life on the 15th floor? 嘿科斯特林克先生 15楼的情况如何Yeah, I miss you too. 我也想念你.Yeah. It's a lot less satisfying to steal pens from your own home. 对偷自己家里的笔不够刺激That's very generous. But this isn't about the money. 你真慷慨但这不是钱的问题I need something more than a job. 我需要的不只是一份工作I need something I really care about 我要的是我真正想要的That's on top of the year-end bonus you metioned earlier?这津贴不包含在你稍早提过的年终红利里Your dream! 你的梦想...Look, Al, I'm not playing hardball here, okay? 听着艾尔我不是在故意为难你This is not a negotiation. This is a rejection! 这不是交涉这叫拒绝No, no, no Stop saying numbers! 不不不别再讲数字了I'm telling you, you've got the wrong guy! 告诉你你看错人了你看错人了I'll see you Monday! 星期一见Wow! It's huge! It's so much bigger than the cubicle. 好大比小格子大多了This is a cube! 这是一个格间Look at this. 看这里You have a window! 你有窗户Yes, indeed-y. With a beautiful view of 没错还有美丽的风景...Look! That guy's peeing! 看有人在小便That's enough of the view. Check this out. 风景看够了看这个Okay, sit down here. 坐下This is great. 这个最酷,- You ready? - Yeah. -准备好没 -好了Helen, could you come in here? 海伦能进来一下吗Thank you, Helen. That'll be all. 谢谢你海伦没事了Last time I do that. I promise. 最后一次了我保证Wendy, We had a deal. 温蒂我们约好的Yeah, you promised. 你答应过我Wendy! Wendy! Wendy! 温蒂温蒂温蒂- Who was that? - Wendy bailed. -那是谁 -叛徒温蒂I have no waitress. 我没服务生了That's too bad. Bye-bye. 真是太糟糕了再见Ten dollars an hour! Twelve dollars an hour! 一小时十元一小时十二元Mon, I wish I could, 莫妮卡我也希望能帮你but I've made plans to walk around. 但我已经计划好去走走Rachel. When you ran out on your wedding, I was there for you. 瑞秋你逃婚之后是我一直在支持你I put a roof over your head! 我让你有地方住If that means nothing to you.... 如果这样对你仍毫无意义...Twenty dollars an hour. 一小时二十元Done. 成交Hello. Welcome to Monica's. May I take your coat? 欢迎光临莫妮卡家我能帮您拿外套吗- Hi, Steve. - Hello, Monica. -嗨史提夫 -嗨莫妮卡Hello, greeter girl. 你好招待小姐- This is Rachel. - Yeah, okay. -她叫瑞秋 -好吧随便Everything smells so delicious. 味道好香I can't remember ever smelling such a delicious combination of我已忘记上次闻到这种美味的混合物是...Okay, smells. 好吧香味- It's a lovely apartment. - Thank you. Would you like a tour? -这房子真漂亮 -谢谢想参观一下吗I was just being polite, but all right. 我只是客套一下但好吧- What's up? - In the cab on the way over... -怎么了 -坐计程车来时...Steve blazed up a doobie. 史提夫抽了一根大麻烟What? 什么- Smoked a joint, you know? Lit a bone. Weed, hemp, ganja - Ok. -抽了一根大麻之类的... -好了我懂- Smoked a joint, you know? Lit a bone. Weed, hemp, ganja - Ok.电影《大麻双人组》中主角之一I'm with you, Cheech. 我跟你统一战线切奇Is it dry in here? 这里很干燥吗Let me get you some wine. 我来为您倒杯酒I think we're ready for our first course too. 我们可以上第一道菜了These are rock shrimp ravioli in a cilantro ponzu sauce... 这些是石虾小方饺蘸芫萎调味酱...with just a touch of minced... 加上一点点......ginger. 碎姜Well, smack my ass and call me Judy! 打我屁股叫我朱蒂吧- These are fantastic! - Gosh! I'm so glad you liked them. -真是太好吃了 -我真高兴你喜欢Like them? I could eat 100 of them! 喜欢吗我可以吃下上百个That's all there is of these... 只有这一些...but in a few minutes, we'll serve some delicious onion tartlets.但再过8分半就有美味的洋葱馅饼吃"Tartlets?" "馅饼...""Tartlets." "馅饼...""Tartlets." "馅饼..."Word has lost all meaning. 文字都已失去意义Excuse me. Can I help you with anything? 请问需要任何帮忙吗You know, I don't know what I'm looking for. 你看我也不知道自己在找什么Cool! Taco shells! 酷墨西哥馅饼They're like a little corn envelope, you know? 这个就像是玉米卷饼一样你懂吗- You don't wanna spoil your appetite. - Hey, Sugar-O's! -你不该影响食欲 -糖片You know, if you just wait another 6 1/2 minutes 你知道吗再等6分钟半Macaroni and cheese! We gotta make this! 干酪通心面我们要做这个- No, we don't. - Oh, okay. -不我们不做 -哦好吧Sorry. 抱歉Why don't you just have a seat here? 我们何不坐这儿- Give me the gummy bears. - No. -小熊软糖给我 -不- Give them to me. - We'll share. -把它们给我 -好吧分你一半- No. Give me the bears. - Then you can't have any. -不小熊给我 -那就一点不分你- Give them to me! - It's not worth it! -把他们给我 -这样不值得Bears overboard! They're drowning! 小熊落水了他们快淹死了Hey, fellas, grab onto a Sugar-O! Save yourselves! 伙计们抓住糖片逃命啊Help! Help, I'm drowning! 救命啊....我溺水了- That's it! Dinner is over! - What! Why? -我受够了晚餐结束 -什么为什么Why? 为什么I've waited seven years for an opportunity like this... 这种机会我已等了七年...and you can't wait 4 1/2 minutes for a stupid tartlet?而你却等不了四分半钟之后再吃洋葱馅饼You don't wanna work for that guy like that. 你不会想为那种人工作的I know, I just thought that this was it. 我知道我只是以为我的机会来了You get it. You're an amazing chef. 不要担心你是个了不起的厨师Those yummy noises? I wasn't faking. 那些赞美的声音我不是装的So, how did it go with Celia? 和希莉亚的状况如何- I was unbelievable. - All right, Ross! -简直是不可思议 -干得好罗斯I was the James Michener of dirty talk. 我是讲下流话的行家It was the most elaborate filth you have ever heard. 那简直是天下最具巧思的下流话I mean, there were characters, plot lines, 有人物主线themes, a motif. 剧情主题At one point, there were villagers. 其中一段连村民都冒出来了And? 然后呢By the time we finished all the dirty talk it was kind of late 下流话讲完后已经有点晚了and we were kind of exhausted, so... 而且我们也有点没劲了所以- You cuddled. - Yeah, which was nice. -你们爱抚 -那种感觉好好Do you guys want to try to catch a late movie? 你们想看晚场电影吗Maybe, but shouldn't we wait for Chandler? 或许吧但我们不是该等钱德勒吗Where the hell is he? 他到底跑哪儿去了Yes, friends, I know what time it is... 对朋友我知道现在几点...but I'm looking at the WENUS and I'm not happy! 但我看着"周净计" 它让我相当不高兴Let me tell you something. 我跟你讲清楚You will care about it because I care about it. 你会在乎的因为我在乎Got it? Good! 明白了吗很好How's this? 这样如何Sorry. How about over here? 不好意思这边呢That means it's working. 这就说明有效果了.- Does this hurt? - No. -痛不痛 -不痛.How about this? 这样呢There you go! 这就对了I'm gonna throw up! 我快吐了!第一季第十五集老友记So no one told you life was gonna be this way 没人告诉你生活会是这样your jobs a joke, you're broke, 你滑稽的工作你的差劲your love life's D.O.A. 你半途而废的爱情It's like you're always stuck in second gear, 就像开车卡在二档And it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, 每日每周每月or even your year, but 甚至每年都是如此I'll be there for you, 大雨倾盆时when the rain starts to pour. 我会陪伴你I'll be there for you, 我会陪伴你like I've been there before. 像我以前那样I'll be there for you, 我会陪伴你'cause you're there for me too. 因为你也陪伴着我。
He sprang to his sleigh To his team gave a whistle 他拉起他的雪橇他吹起他的口哨And away they all flew Like the down of a thistle 他们奔驰而去如同蓟草的细毛But I heard him exclaim Ere he drove out of sight 但我听他喊出就在他要消失飞去之前"Merry Christmas to all And to all a good night." “祝大家圣诞快乐还有大家有个美好的夜晚”Wow! That was great! You really wrote that? 哇！真是太棒了！真的是你自己创作的吗？Say goodbye, elves. I'm off to Tulsa. 再见了，精灵们我要去土尔沙了I can't believe you won't be here for Christmas. 我不敢相信圣诞节你竟然会不在这里You're really not coming back? 你真的不回来吗？We have this paperwork that needs to be filed by the end of the year. 我们有很多报告都要在年底的时候归档Why can't those dumb Tulsa people do the work? 为什么那些愚蠢的土尔沙人没有办法做呢？Because those dumb people got everything dumped on them.. 因为那些愚蠢的人得接收了一切…by the arrogant jerks in the New York office. 王八蛋纽约人丢给他们的工作I'm caught between two worlds. 我被卡在两个世界中间- If I don't get it done, I'll be fired. - It's so unfair. -如果我不去做，我就会被炒鱿鱼 -真是不公平- You don't even like your job. - So. Who does? -你根本就不喜欢你的工作 -那又如何呢，谁喜欢自己的工作？- I like my job. - I love my job. -我喜欢我的 -我爱我的工作- I can't wait to go back to work. - I can't get enough dinosaurs. -我等不及要回去上班了 -我对恐龙就是玩不厌I'm sorry I won't be here. 我很抱歉没有办法回来It's hard enough not seeing you during the week.. 平常没有办法见到你已经够难受了…but for Christmas.. 但是圣诞节…If this is what you have to do, I understand. 如果这就是你必须要做的事我会谅解Thanks. 谢谢I'll see you New Year's Day. 新年当天见You're not gonna be here New Year's Eve? 你除夕没有要回来吗？- Did I not mention that? - No. -我没有提过吗？ -没有And to all a good night! 那大家晚安了！The One With Christmas In Tulsa 那大家晚安了！29 好了大家，我知道今晚是圣诞夜…and you'd rather be with family, but there is no call for writing.. 你们都想要跟家人在一起但是也不可以写…"Screw you, Mr. Bing" on the back of my chair. “去你的，宾先生” 贴在我的椅子后面By the way, you can all call me Chandler. 对了，你们叫我钱德就可以了- Hey. - Hey. Where you been? -嘿 -嘿，你跑哪去了？I was checking out that insurance company's Christmas party on three.我去三楼看那间保险公司的圣诞派对It was really beautiful. They have decorations and this huge tree.真的是很美，他们有很多装饰品还有一颗很大的树And I just thought, to hell with them, we have to work. 然后我就想，去他们的我们竟然要工作So I stole their ham. 所以我偷了他们的火腿Hear that? You may not be with your families.. 听到了没？你们或许没有跟家人在一起…but at least it's gonna smell like ham in here. 但是至少这里也可以闻到过节的火腿味My kid's in a play right now. 我的小孩现在正在表演话剧You know what? I know what will cheer you up. 你们知道吗？我知道要怎么鼓舞你们I had a talk with the boys in New York. I told them about all your hard work..我跟纽约那边的人谈过了我告诉他们你们全是如何辛勤工作…and that a little Christmas bonus may be in order. 所以你们可能都会得到一些圣诞奖金"A donation has been made in your name to the New York City Ballet."已经以您的名义把一项捐款…捐赠给纽约市立芭蕾舞团已经以您的名义把一项捐款…Well, that's like money in your pocket. 嗯，那其实就像是进了你们的口袋一样啊？All right, you want me to say it? This sucks. 好了，你们一定要逼我说吗？这实在很烂Being here sucks. This work sucks! 在这里真是烂，这份工作真是烂！Now it feels like Christmas. 现在就有点像是圣诞节了I'm sorry. 我很抱歉At least you get to go home and be with your families tonight. 至少今晚你们都还可以回家跟家人在一起I have to go to an empty hotel room and lay down.. 我只能回去一间空荡荡的旅馆房间然后躺在…on a very questionable bedspread. 一张很有卫生问题的床单上Then tomorrow, you get to have Christmas in your own houses. 然后明天，你们都可以在自己家里过节Which, by the way, none of you have invited me to. 顺便提一下，你们没有一个邀请我去- You can come to my house. - No, thanks. -你可以来我家 -不用了，谢谢- It was a nice pep talk. - Thanks. -真是精彩的精神讲话 -谢谢I'm actually thinking about becoming a motivational speaker.我是真的有在想要成为激励演说家So if you were home right now, what would you be doing? 那如果你现在在家你会是在做什么呢？Typical Christmassy stuff, you know. Our holidays are pretty traditional.一般的圣诞节活动，你知道的我们过节的方式是很传统的So here's a very special holiday song.. 有一首十分特殊的节庆歌曲…that I wrote for some very important people to me. 是我为一些对我很重要的人写的：Happy holidays, everybody. 大家圣诞快乐Phoebe, look in the kitchen. I'll look in the back closet. 菲比，去检查厨房，我去看衣橱后面I can save you time, ladies. I'm right here. 我可以节省你们的时间，女士们我就正在这里Yeah. Chandler, why don't you take a walk. 钱德，你何不出去一下This doesn't concern you. 这跟你没有关系We are looking for our Christmas presents from Monica. 我们在找摩妮卡准备的圣诞礼物- What? That's terrible. - No, no. We do it every year. -什么？这实在太过分了 -不不，我们每年都这样做的Well, that makes it not terrible. 喔，那就样就不过分了No. Yeah, we never find them. She's always bested us, that wily.. 是啊，我们从来没有找到过她总是高明过我们，那个狡猾又…minx. 邪恶的女人We're gonna search here for an hour.. 我们会在这边找一个小时…and then we'll go to Joey's and search. Okay? 然后再过去乔伊家找，好吗？No, not okay. You can't look for Monica's presents. 不，不好你们不可以找摩妮卡的礼物- No, we have to. - No, you don't have to. -我们一定要 -不，你们不需要这样And you can't, because I live here too. 你们不行，因为我也住在这里- Well, then you should look with us. - Why? -那么你应该帮我们找 -为什么？Aren't you worried about what to get Monica for Christmas? 你难道不烦恼要买什么圣诞礼物给摩妮卡吗？No, I have a great idea for a present for her. 不担心，我已想好一个很棒的礼物要给她That's it? "A great idea"? 就这样？“已经想好”？That's not enough. What if she gets you a great present.. 那是不够的万一她送你的是一个很棒的礼物…two medium presents and lots of little presents.. 两个中等的礼物还有很多的小礼物…and you got her one great present? That's gonna make her feel bad. 而你只送她一个很棒的礼物？那会让她很伤心的Why would you do that to her? Why? Why? 你为什么要那样对待她呢？为什么？为什么？- If I helped, we could find them faster! - Right. -如果我帮忙，我们就可以更快找到！ -没错- We have a live one! - It's a Macy's bag! -我找到一个了！！ -这是梅西百货的袋子！Who's it for? 这是要给谁的？"Dear Losers: Do you really think I'd hide presents under the couch?亲爱的失败者：你们真的认为我会将礼物藏在沙发下面吗？P.S. Chandler, I knew they'd break you." 附注：钱德，我就知道她们可以说服你Rach, these are for you. 瑞秋，这些是给你的Wiper blades. I don't even have a car. 雨刷，但是我根本就没有车子No, but with this new-car smell, you'll think you do. 是没有，但是加上这个有新车味道的芳香剂，你会以为你有的Okay, Phoebe, your turn. 好了，菲比，轮到你了Toilet seat covers! 马桶座盖纸！Is that what you were doing while I was getting gas? 这是不是在我想放屁的时候你们去弄的呢？You guys. 你们俩And for Ross, Mr. Sweet Tooth. 还有给罗斯，甜食先生- You got me a cola drink? - And.. a lemon-lime! -你们送我可乐？？ -还有…柠檬口味！Well, this.. This is too much. 喔，这… 这礼真是太大了I feel like I should get you another sweater. 我觉得我应该再送你一件毛衣And last but not least.. 最后一位…They're ribbed, for your pleasure. 是罗纹保险套，让你得到绝顶满足Well, hey, Ben? 嘿！班What if the Holiday Armadillo told you all about the Festival of Lights?要不要节庆穿山甲来告诉你光明节的由来呢？Cool! 好啊！Come on, Ben. 来吧，班Years and years ago, there were these people called the Maccabees! 很多年以前，有一群叫做马加比家族的人…Merry Christmas! 圣诞快乐！Santa! 圣诞老公公！What are you doing here, Santa? 你在这里做什么呢？圣诞老公公Well, I'm here to see my old buddy Ben. 喔，我是来看我的老朋友班的What are you doing here.. 你在这里做什么呢？你这只…weird turtle-man? 奇怪的乌龟男？I'm the Holiday Armadillo, your part-Jewish friend. 我是节庆穿山甲，你的半犹太血统朋友You sent me here to give Ben some presents. 你要我过来送些礼物给班的Remember? 记得吗？What? 什么？Ben, why don't you open some more presents. 班，你何不去打开更多的礼物Santa, the armadillo and I will have a talk in the kitchen.圣诞老公公、穿山甲跟我要去厨房谈谈There's a sentence I never thought I'd say. 我说了我以为这辈子都认为不可能说的话What are you doing? 你在做什么呢？You called and said you had trouble finding a Santa costume.. 你打电话告诉大家说你找不到圣诞老公公的服装…so I borrowed one from a guy at work. 所以我跟公司的同事借了这一套Thank you, but you gotta leave. 谢谢你，但是你得要离开- Why? - Because.. -为什么？ -因为…I'm finally getting him excited about Hanukkah. 我终于让他对犹太光明节有兴趣了And you're wrecking it. 而你破坏了这一切But I didn't get to shake my belly like a bowl full of jelly. 但是我还没有机会把肚子像果冻一样摇的晃来晃去I'm sorry, Chandler, but this is really important to me. 我很抱歉，钱德但是这对我真的很重要Okay, fine. I'll give the suit back. 好的，没关系，我去还这套衣服Hey, you think you can keep it another night? 嘿，你觉得可以把这套衣服多留一晚吗？Santa? Really? 圣诞老公公？真的吗？- Yeah, is that okay? - Did your dad ever dress up like Santa? -是啊，可以吗？ -你爸爸有扮过圣诞老公公吗？- No. - Then it's okay! -没有 -那就没问题了！You know what, everybody? 你们知道吗？你们大家Go home. You should be with your families. 回家去，你们应该跟家人在一起It's bad enough we're working New Year's Eve. 我们要在除夕夜工作就已经够糟了Did I not tell anyone about New Year's Eve? 我没有告诉大家除夕夜的事吗？All right, look, go. Go home, okay? Merry Christmas. 好了，听着，回去，回家去，好吗？圣诞快乐- Merry Christmas. - Peace on earth. -圣诞快乐 -世界和平- Bye. - Good. Godspeed, good people. -再见 -很好，快走，一群好人- You're not gonna go? - No. I couldn't leave you alone. -你没有要走吗？ -没有，我不能留你一个人在这里Thanks. 谢谢Besides, I can't leave until that Christmas party downstairs clears out.除此之外，我得要等到楼下的派对都结束了我才能走There are some pissed-off insurance people looking for that ham. 有一些气爆了的保险员正在找他们的火腿- Chandler Bing. - Hi, honey. We're all here. -钱德宾 -嗨，亲爱的，我们全部都在这里We want to wish you a merry Christmas. 我们想要祝你圣诞快乐- Merry Christmas! - Merry Christmas! -圣诞快乐！ -圣诞快乐！Merry Christmas. I miss you guys. 圣诞快乐，我想念你们So is it horrible? Is everybody working really hard? 很难受吗？每个人都在认真工作吗？Well, no, it's just me and Wendy. 嗯，没有，只有我跟温蒂Wendy? That sounds like a girl's name. 温蒂？听起来想是女生的名字It is. Did I not tell you about her? 就是女生，我没有提过她吗？About the time you told me about New Year's Eve. 应该就在你跟我提起除夕夜的事的时候- Where's everybody else? - I sent them home. -大家去哪了？ -我让他们回家了You are such a good boss. Is she pretty? 你真是好老板，她漂亮吗？Answer faster. Answer faster. 快点回答，快点回答- I don't know. - Answer better. Answer better. -我不知道 -回答高明点，回答高明点I don't think of her that way. I mean, she's a colleague. 我没有那样想过她我是说，她是我同事- What does she do there? - She's regional vice president. -她在那边是做什么的？ -她是区域副总- She's just below me. - She did what? -她在我下面 -她什么？Below me. 她的职务在我下面Wait, is Wendy the runner-up Miss Oklahoma? 等一下，温蒂是那个奥克拉荷马小姐选美第二名吗？What?! 什么！Well, she didn't win. 嗯，她又没有赢得后冠All right, maybe I should let you.. 好了，或许我应该让你…and the second prettiest girl in Oklahoma get back to work. 跟奥克拉荷马第二漂亮的女生回去工作了Second prettiest that year. Of all the girls in Oklahoma, she's probably..那一年第二漂亮的，以奥克拉荷马全部的女生来说，她或许…Chandler, stop talking. 钱德，快闭嘴Honey, there's really nothing to worry about. 亲爱的，根本没有什么需要担心的- Okay. - I'm serious. -好的 -我是说真的Okay. 好的- Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas. -圣诞快乐 -圣诞快乐- Merry Christmas, you guys. - Merry Christmas. -你们大家圣诞快乐 -圣诞快乐- The wife says hi. - Fun conversation? -我老婆打招呼 -谈得愉快吗？Well, she's just got this weird idea that.. 嗯，她有一种奇怪的想法认为…because you and I are alone something's gonna happen. 因为我们两个单独在一起所以有事情会发生Really? 真的吗？Would that be so terrible? 那样很糟糕吗？This is probably the wrong thing to be worrying about.. 我或许担心得不对…but you're getting ham on my only tie. 但是你把火腿沾上我唯一的领带了- Back off, missy! - Missy? -走开，小妞！ -小妞？I don't know. I'm not used to girls making passes at me. 我不知道，我不习惯女孩子对我采取行动Wait a minute. Am I sexy in Oklahoma? 等一下，我在奥克拉荷马算是性感的吗？- You are to me. - No. No. No! -你对我是的 -不不，不！- Look, I'm married. - So? I'm married. -听着，我已经结婚了 -那又如何？我也结婚了I'm happily married. 我的婚姻很幸福What's that like? 那是什么样的感觉呢？- Right. So I'm sorry, but.. - Seriously? Happily married? -是的，所以我很抱歉，但是… -真的？婚姻很幸福？So that phone call before, that was happy? 所以刚才那通电话叫做幸福？Well, look, it's not easy to spend this much time apart. 你知道，长期分开是很不容易的She's entitled to be a little paranoid. 她是有资格有点神经质的…Or, in this case, right on the money. 而且针对这件事她猜对了You know, she's amazing and beautiful and smart. 她很好、漂亮又聪明…And if she were here right now, she'd kick your ass. 而且如果她现在在这里她一定会海扁你一顿的Look, you're a really nice person, ham-stealing and adultery aside. 听着，你是个很好人除了会偷火腿跟偷腥之外But what I have with my wife is pretty great. 但是我跟我老婆的感情很好So nothing's ever gonna happen between us. 所以我们之间是不可能的Okay, let me ask you something. 好的，让我问你一件事If what you and your wife have is so great.. 如果你跟你老婆感情很好…then why are you spending Christmas with me? 那你怎么会跟我一起过圣诞节呢？You were the most beautiful woman in the room tonight. 今晚你是这屋子里最漂亮的女人- Really? - Are you kidding? -真的吗？ -你不相信吗？You're the most beautiful woman in most rooms. 在大部分的屋子里你都是最漂亮的女人What's going on? You and I just made out. 这是怎么回事？我们刚刚亲吻了- You and I are making out? - Well, not anymore. -我们在亲吻？ -嗯，以后不会有了- But we don't do that. - I know. I just thought it would be fun. -但是我们俩从来不会那样的 -我知道，我只是觉得那可能会很好玩- How drunk are you? - Drunk enough that I wanna do this. -你有多醉呢？ -我醉到让我想要这样做…Not so drunk that you should feel guilty about taking advantage. 但又没有醉到让你觉得占我便宜是有罪恶感的That's a perfect amount. 真是醉到恰到好处- You know what's weird? - What? -你知道什么很奇怪吗？ -什么？- This doesn't feel weird. - I know. -就是这感觉一点都不怪 -我知道- You're a really good kisser. - Well, I have kissed over four women. -你真是接吻高手 -嗯，我吻过超过四个女人You wanna get under the covers? Okay. 你想要到棉被底下吗？Wow, you are really fast. 哇，你真快It bodes well for me that speed impresses you. 速度会得到你的赞赏对我来说是好兆头- We're gonna see each other naked. - Yep. -我们将要看到彼此裸体了 -是的- You want to do it at the same time? - Count of three? -你想要一起看吗？ -数到三？- One. - Two. -一 -二Three. 三Well, I think it's safe to say that our friendship is effectively ruined. 我想我可以很肯定的说我们的友情已经完全被摧毁了We weren't that close anyway. 反正我们本来也没有很好Are you really gonna go out with that nurse-man? 你真的要跟那个男护士出去吗？Well, you and I are just goofing around. 嗯，反正你跟我只是玩玩而已I thought, why not just goof around with him? 所以我想，我也可以跟他玩玩I don't know if you've ever looked up "goofing around" in the dictionary.我不知道你有没有查过字典 “玩玩”是什么意思Well, I have. 我有查过…And the technical definition is two friends.. 专业的解释就是两个朋友…who care a lot about each other and have amazing sex.. 很在乎彼此然后又做了很棒的爱…and just want to spend more time together. 而且想要花更多的时间在一起If you have this newfangled dictionary that gets you mad at me.. 如果你那新版的字典让你对我生气…then we have to, you know, get you my original dictionary. 那我们就只好帮你买我这本原版的字典I am so bad at this. 我真是不会说话I think you're better than you think you are. 我认为你比你想的还棒- Really? Okay. So if..? - Know when to stop. -真的吗？好的，所以如果…？ -知道什么时候该停I sensed that I should stop. 我感觉到我应该停了- So we're okay? - Yeah. -所以我们没事了吗？ -是的- Don't do the dance. - Right. -别跳那个舞 -好的I can't get married without something old, something new.. 我没有什么旧的、什么新的什么借来的、什么蓝色的…- something borrowed, something blue. - Okay, okay. -就没有办法结婚（美国习俗） -好的，好的Here's something blue and new. 这是蓝色的，而且是新的You are so efficient. I love you. 你真是有效率，我爱你- Let's go. - No, no, wait! -我们走吧 -不不，等一下We need something old. 我们需要什么旧的东西Okay. I have a condom in my wallet that I've had since I was 12. 好的，我有个保险套我从十二岁就放在钱包里了That'll work! 那就可以拿来用了！I don't think so. 我可不认为Okay. Now we just need something borrowed. 好了，现在我们需要一个借来的东西- Here, just take this. - That's stealing. -这个，拿去 -这是偷窃的We'll bring it back. Just put it under your dress. 我们会归还的，塞到你洋装里Okay, one thing at a time. 好了，事情一件一件照步骤来Listen.. 听着…I've been thinking. 我一直在想It's not fair for me to ask you to spend all of your money on our wedding.我要求把你所有的积蓄花在我们的婚礼上，是很不公平的事I mean, you work.. You work really hard for that. 我是说，你工作… 你辛苦工作才存到的- Well.. - Well, you work for that. -嗯… -好了，工作存到的Look, I've thought about it too. And.. 听着，我也有想过，而且…I'm sorry. I think we should spend all of the money on the wedding. 我很抱歉我想我们应该将所有钱花在婚礼上- You do? - Yeah. I'm putting my foot down. -你真的觉得吗？ -是的，我彻底的想清楚了…Yeah, look, when I proposed.. 听着，当我求婚的时候…I told you that I would do anything to make you happy. 我告诉你我会尽一切能力让你快乐And if having the perfect wedding makes you happy, then.. 而如果一个完美的婚礼能够让你快乐，那么…Then that's what we're gonna do. 那就是我们必须要做的是You are so sweet. 你真的好贴心But wait. What about our..? What about the future and stuff? 但是等一下，那我们…？那我们将来的计划呢？Forget about the future and stuff. So we only have two kids. 管他什么将来的计划我们只生两个小孩就好了You know, we'll pick our favorite, and that one will get to go to college.然后我们再挑选我们喜欢的那一个送他去念大学就好了- You've thought about that? - Yeah. -你有想过我们的将来吗？ -有啊- How many kids were we gonna have? - Four. A boy, twin girls.. -我们要生几个小孩呢？ -四个，一个男生，双胞胎女生…and another boy. 然后再一个男生- What else did you think about? - Well.. -你还有想过什么呢？ -嗯…stuff like where we'd live, you know. 像是我们要住的地方，你知道的Like a small place outside the city where our kids could ride bikes and stuff.在市中心外面的小房子我们的孩子可以学习骑脚踏车And we could have a cat that had a bell on its collar.. 我们可以养只猫，颈圈上有个铃铛…and we could hear it every time it ran through the little kitty door.然后每次它经过小猫咪门的时候我们就可以听到铃铛声We'd have an apartment over the garage where Joey could grow old.我们会在车库上面留一间房间让乔伊可以在那里养老You know what? 你知道吗？I don't.. I don't want a big, fancy wedding. 我不需要大型豪华的婚礼了- Sure you do. - No. -你当然需要 -不I want everything that you've just said. 我想要你刚刚说的一切I want a marriage. 我只想要结婚You sure? 你确定吗？- I love you so much. - I love you. -我好爱你 -我爱你- I love it! - Really? You're not gonna return it? -我太喜欢了！ -真的吗？你不会拿回去退吗？Well, not this second. 嗯，不会马上Hey, look, you guys. It's snowing! 嘿，你们瞧，下雪了- Wow, it's so beautiful. - Wow, it really is. -哇，真漂亮 -哇，真的是Wendy's a fat-girl name. 温蒂是胖女生的名字Aren't we done with that? 我们还没有说够吗？Okay, fine. Fine. Let's talk about snow. 好啦，不说了我们来聊雪Do you think it's snowing in Tulsa where my husband's having sex on a copier?你们觉得我老公在影印机上面做爱的那个土尔沙有在下雪吗？- Hey. - Oh, my God. -嘿 -喔！我的天！Look at that. That's a Christmas miracle! 瞧瞧这，这真是圣诞奇迹！- What are you doing here? - I wanted to be with you. -你在这里做什么呢？ -我想要跟你在一起I missed you so much. 我好想你- Hey, hey. Who'd you miss the most? - Monica. -嘿，你最想念谁呢？ -摩妮卡Gotcha. 知道了- I never want to leave you again. - I thought if you left, you'd get fired. -我再也不要离开你了 -我以为如果你走了会被炒鱿鱼的Turns out they can't fire me. Because I quit. 他们没有办法炒我鱿鱼的因为我不干了- What? - What? You..? You really quit your job? -什么？ -什么？你？你真的辞职了？Yeah. It was a stupid job, and I could not stand leaving you. 是的，那是份愚蠢的工作而我无法忍受离开你Why should I be the only one who doesn't do what he really wants to do?我为什么要当那个唯一必须做他不想要做的事的人？- Well, what do you really wanna do? - I have not thought this through. -那你真的想做什么呢？-这件事我没想清楚- Oh, my God. - I know. I should've talked to you first. -喔！我的天！ -我知道，我应该先跟你讨论的No, I think that this is what you wanna do. I think it's great! 不，我想如果这是你想要的我认为这很棒！Thanks. 谢谢Chandler, your being here is the best Christmas present I could ever imagine.钱德，你能够在这里是我有过最棒的圣诞礼物了- Now give me my real gift. - Yeah. -现在给我真正的礼物 -好- Thank you. - Here, pass those around. -谢谢 -这里，分给大家"A donation has been made in your name to the New York City Ballet."“一项捐款已经以您的名义捐赠给纽约市立芭蕾舞团”How did you know? 你怎么会知道我要这个呢？What? Are you kidding? I can't return this. 什么？你在开玩笑吗？我不能退还这个的It's time we started thinking about other people. 该是我们关怀别人的时候了And besides, this gift still says, "I love you guys." 除此之外，这份礼物还包含了 “我爱你们”- Mine says, "To Lillian Myers." - I don't have a job. -我的上面写“给莉莉安迈尔” -我可是失业了Actuary? No. 精算师？不Bookkeeper? No. 簿记员？不Topless dancer? 上空舞者？Hey, you know what I just realized? You are the sole wage earner.嗨，你知道我刚刚才想通什么吗？你是家里唯一收入来源You are the head of the household. I don't do anything. I'm a kept man! 你是这个家的户长我什么都没做，我是被供养的小白脸！You are. 没错Honey, here's 20 bucks. 亲爱的，这里有二十块Go buy yourself something pretty while I'm at work tomorrow. 我明天去上班的时候你去买一些漂亮的东西。
God, you're beautiful.Why are we fighting this?You know you want it to happen as much as I do.I want you. I need you.Let me make love to you.I don't wanna stand in the way of true love or anything..but I think a cantaloupe might hurt less.No, I'm rehearsing my lines.They're giving me a romantic story on Days of Our Lives.It's the first time my character's gotten one. I'm nervous. I want it to be good.I haven't seen you this worked-up since you did that dog-food commercial.. and you thought you were gonna be with a real talking dog.Yeah, that was a disappointment.You wanna come down to the set and tell me if I'm doing okay?- Are you serious? - Yeah.You just have to promise not to get thrown out again.- That was an honest mistake. - Right."Oh, my God. Is this the men's room? I feel so foolish.Have you always known you wanted to be an actor?"Yeah, that was an awesome day.The One With Rachels Dream22You guys wanna come eat dinner at the restaurant in the next few weeks?- I'd love to. - Well, you can't.- We're booked solid for the next month. - Well, I can't give you a massage.. because my license has been revoked again.- Phoebe, what happened? - Well, it was an accident, you know.It's a lot of oil and sometimes the hand just slips.So the restaurant's doing well, you say?It is so great. There are people lining up in the street..to taste my food. Saturday, there's a waiting list of 50 people.I know how that feels. Last semester, I had two students..who wanted to take my 1:00 class, but it was full.So they had to take my 5:00.That's not the same.Have I got a surprise for you. Pack your bags.Oh, no. You guys aren't supposed to get divorced for seven years.What? No, I'm taking Monica to a romantic inn in Vermont.Oh, good. Okay, good for you. Trying to recapture the magic.- So can you get out of work? - Honey, I can't.- Things are crazy at the restaurant. - You're really that busy?Yeah. I'm sorry, I really am.That's okay. I'll just try and reschedule.Hi, this is Chandler Bing. I made a reservation there..and I need to change it.What do you mean, it's nonrefundable? Well, can I just come some other time? Can't you make an exception?Tell them I'm a chef at a big New York restaurant.Tell them that in two weeks, I will once again be a masseuse in good standing. Look, this is ridiculous. I'm not paying for that room, okay?Well, thank you very much.Yeah, I'm going to Vermont.- Don't worry, use your travel insurance. - I don't have travel insurance. Well, this is what happens when people live on the edge.- Honey, what are you gonna do? - I'll go.Okay, I'll pick you up at 10.Oh, go with you?Oh, I can't go.Why don't you take Ross?Don't you think that'll be a little weird? I mean, two guys in a romantic inn? - No, not if the room has two beds. - I guess.It still seems a little.. "Moonlight boat ride"?!（银杯摄影棚）Joey, is this the bed where Olivia lost her virginity?I don't know, but one of the extras sure did.Listen, Rach. Thanks again for coming down to watch my scenes. Please, honey. Just the fact that you want me here to support you, I'm.. Oh, my God. Is that Christian Saunders? He is so gorgeous!And also, so gay.Well, in my head, he's done some pretty not-gay stuff.Well, at the Christmas party, him and Santa did some definitely-gay stuff. Joey? Joey, we're ready for you.Okay. All right, wish me luck.Okay. Not that you need it, but good.. God! Is that Chase Lassiter?- He's straight, right? - Rach, if you weren't here wondering..if these guys were gay, I don't know if I could do this.I'm sorry, you're right. I'm sorry. Good luck.On a bell, please. Quietly.And action!Drake, what are you doing here?Stopping you from marrying the wrong man..and making the biggest mistake of your life.- Get out. - You don't love him.What do you know about love?I know what I felt that night when we kissed under the bridge.- That kiss never happened. - Well, what about this one?Now, I told you to get out.Fine, I'll go.But let me ask you one question.- You look real familiar. Have we..? - Shh! He's asking her a question. Can you live the rest of your life never knowing what we could have been? - I don't have a choice. - Yes, you do.Yes, you do. I'm the one who doesn't have a choice because I..Because I can't stop loving you.- Don't say that. - Tell me to stop.Just..tell me to stop.- Cut! - No!Or, cut. You know, that's your call.- Everything was delicious. - Thank you.It was. The duck in particular was superb.Thank you.You haven't said anything.Actually, I do have one small complaint.Well, please, I welcome criticism.The musician right outside the restaurant is kind of a mood killer.What musician?What are you doing here?You said you had customers lined up in the street, so I'm here to entertain. - Great. - Yeah, it really has been great too.They must have seen me play before..because they requested a bunch of my songs.Yeah, "You Suck"..and "Shut Up and Go Home."Listen, Phoebe. You know how much I love listening to your music..- but.. - But what?This is kind of a classy place.Okay, say no more.Everyone!Classy, huh?Hi, Chandler Bing. I have a reservation.Welcome to the Chestnut lnn. Where are you joining us from?- New York. - The Big Apple.He's wound up. We had to stop at every maple-candy stand on the way here.I ate all my gifts for everybody.I'm sorry, there's no record of your reservation in the computer.- That's impossible. Check again, please. - Check again, please.- I'm sorry, it's not here. - It's not there.Let me get this straight. I called to try to cancel my reservation..was told it's not refundable. Then we drove six hours all the way up here..- and now we don't have a reservation? - I don't know what to say.She doesn't know what to say.Just give us the cheapest room you have.The only thing we have available is our deluxe suite. The rate is $600.- That's insane. - It's totally insane.Dude, let's drive home. We'll hit all the maple-candy stores on the way back.. and if they're closed, then maybe we'll tap a tree and make some ourselves. Does that room have a closet I can lock him in?- We'll take it. - Great.They are totally ripping us off! Three hundred dollars each?"Each?" I'm your date.So I pay for everything and have no sex.Oh, life before Monica.Dude, don't worry about it.I know how to make your money back. This is a nice hotel. Plenty of amenities. We just load up on those. Like those apples. Instead of taking one..I take six.Great. At $100 an apple, we're there.Come on, you get the idea. You know, we'll make our money back in no time. - Dude, you're shaking. - It's the sugar. Could you hold the apple?- Hi. - Hey.Joey, I gotta tell you, I have been thinking all day about that scene you did.I mean, you were amazing.You know, the writing was good. And the director's good.And my costar's good.But they're not as good as me!You have to tell me what happens tomorrow.I'm going over the script now. Wanna read lines with me?Me? Oh, I'm not an actress.- All right, I can ask Monica. - Screw her! That part is mine! Okay, so just from the top of the page right here.Okay.Hello, Drake. I'm surprised to see you here.- I can't believe you married him. - Well, what choice did I have? He was keeping my sister in a dungeon.So, what about us? Everything we feel for each other?It's over. You have to accept that.How can I, knowing I'll never hold you in my arms again..or touch your skin or feel your lips..knowing I'll never make love to you?How can I accept that I can never kiss you again..when it's all I can do not to kiss you right now?Kiss me.What?Kiss me.- Rach, it doesn't say that. - No, I'm saying it.- But.. - Just don't talk.Well, that's new.Hi, this is Ross Geller in suite 206.I've forgotten a couple of things.Could you have some complimentary toiletries sent up to my room? Thank you. Okay, a toothbrush, toothpaste..razor, mouthwash, deodorant, floss, Band-Aids, shaving cream, after-shave. And I feel like I'm forgetting something.Is there anything else you have that I haven't asked for already?Yeah, go ahead, send up some tampons.- What'd you get? - USA Today.Nice. Put it with the others.And I also got two more apples.We're four short of a bushel!God, I feel so alive. I love being in the country!Also, got these great salt and pepper shakers..- from the restaurant. - That's not cool.Dude, none of this is cool.Look, Chandler, you have to find the line between stealing..and taking what the hotel owes you.For example: A hair dryer, no, no.But shampoos and conditioners, yes, yes.Now, the salt shaker is off limits.But the salt..I wish I'd thought this through.I think I get what you mean, though. Like, the lamp is the hotel's..but the bulbs.. Oh, you already got that.Not my first time in a hotel, my friend.- Okay, how about this? - No, no, no.- You can't take the remote control. - Yes, but the batteries.Thank you. Thank you very much.- Let's celebrate with some maple candy. - No!At least tell me where you hid it.（中央咖啡厅）- Can I ask you a question? - Yeah.Have you ever had any..weird, romantic dreams?Let me think.When I was younger, I used to dream that I got married to Mayor McCheese. And on our wedding night, I ate his head.Okay.Well, this is like that..in no way.I had a dream last night that I wanted to kiss Joey.Wow! You mean like "kiss him" kiss him?Oh, yeah. I mean, it was pretty intense.- What brought that on? - I don't know.Maybe it had to do with the fact I saw him do a love scene.- A love scene? With who? - Olivia.Olivia?! I thought she was marrying Connor?!Oh, right. Real life more important.- You think my dream means anything? - I don't know.I mean, you saw him do a love scene.So maybe you don't have a thing for Joey. Maybe you have a thing for Drake. Well, it was Joey reading Drake's lines in the dream.Of course it was. Trust me, when it comes to psychology..I know what I'm talking about.I took two psych classes in college.You took the same class twice.- It was hard! - I know.- Hey. - Hi, Phoebe.Here, Monica, look what I got to wear when I play at your restaurant.Wait.Right? I think this might even class up "The Ballad of the Uncircumcised Man." Phoebe..maybe I wasn't clear before.I really love listening to your music here.But my restaurant, it's sort of an upscale place.Right, yeah, okay. I'll ask the butler to fetch my diamonds out of the vault. Phoebe, it's not what you wear.It's sort of your songs.I just don't think you should play at the restaurant anymore.Okay. Fine, I'll just..I'll take the hat back.There.Hey, so, you guys, the funniest thing happened at work the..My songs aren't good enough for your restaurant?Okay, we're still on that.- I didn't say they weren't good enough. - Then what's wrong with them? What, they don't go with your tiny portions of pretentious food?- Tiny portions? - Yeah, well, "Excuse me.I ordered the smoked salmon appetizer, but I can't see it. I can't see it."- Phoebe, it's not about quantity. - Well, it's not about quality.Oh, really? You wanna talk about quality?Have you ever heard of a "key"? It's what some people sing in.Well, at least all my songs don't taste like garlic.Yeah, there are other ingredients, Monica.So that's what we're doing.When I'm in a coffeehouse bopping along to one of your songs..I'm wearing earplugs.Earplugs or cloves of garlic?You know what? I take back what I said before.Keep playing at the restaurant, because with your music driving people inside.. my bar sales have gone up like crazy.What are people having, the garlic martini?So you wanna hear my work story?I'll save it.Here's your bill. We hope you enjoyed your stay.Oh, we did. And you still have all your lamps.- I didn't factor in the room tax. - Dude, don't worry about it.I found an unattended maid's cart. We're way ahead of the game.- Oh, my God. - What?There's something new in the bowl.- Look, we have enough. Just walk away. - No, but I want the pine cones.- There's a forest right outside. - It's not the same.- No, look. She's gonna see us. - No, she won't. I'm sly.Okay, go quick.Thank you for a delightful stay.My maple candy!It's just you. I thought someone was swinging a bag of cats against the wall.You'd better get back in that kitchen. The garlic's not gonna overuse itself.- Okay, you have to stop playing now. - Why?The only person my playing is bothering is you.- Oh, yeah? Let's settle this. Come on. - Get your garlic peelers off me.Excuse me? Excuse me?Hi, I'm Monica Geller. I'm the head chef here.Okay, I was actually expecting a little applause there, but whatever.Quick question. By a show of hands..how many of you were bothered by this woman's singing outside?Okay, okay. Well, I have a question.You can put your hand down.You made your point earlier when you spit in my guitar case.Okay, okay. How many of you enjoyed the music outside?Let me ask you this question. How many thought the music was fine..but not in keeping with the tone of the restaurant?Okay, well, who identified this restaurant's tone as "pretentious-comma-garlicky"? Okay, who thinks the food is delicious and a little pretension never hurt anyone? Okay, well, all right, who thinks the food is fine, the music was fine..but your evening was ruined by this incessant poll-taking?Excuse us.All right, here's a question.Who was so worried about her restaurant being fancy..that she made a big deal about her friend playing her music..and feels really bad about it now?Well, who was so stupid and stubborn..that she lashed out against her friend's cooking..which she actually thinks is pretty great?- I'm sorry. - I'm sorry too.Hey, you wanna stick around and I'll whip you up some dinner?Yeah, as long as it's free.The food here is ridiculously overpr..Who hopes the hand-raising thing is still cute enough that you won't hate me?- Hey. - Hey.Joey, do you have peanut butter on the back of your head?Oh, man. I thought I got it all.How..?How?I was making a peanut butter smoothie, right?I couldn't find this little plastic thingy that goes in the top of the blender.And I thought, "Well, you know, how important can that be?" Right?Turns out, very.Wow, definitely just Drake.- What? - How's it going with Drake?- I don't think it's going very well. - What?That scene I saw was so good.Well, I'm feeling really insecure about the one we're shooting tomorrow.Is this that thing you do when you say you're bad so I'll give you a compliment?A little.No, I really am worried. I have to make it convincing that I'm in love with Olivia. - So? - So I've never played that.Oh, honey, it can't be that hard. I mean, you've been in love before.Well, just once..with you.Okay. Well, this could be a little awkward.I'm just gonna blow past it.Well, look, can't you just use that method-actor thing..where you use your real-life memories to help you in your performance? What the hell are you talking about?All right, look, just try to remember how you felt when you were in love.. and think about that when you're playing the scene.Okay. Yeah, I think I can do that.Yeah. Okay, there's this party scene coming up.And Olivia and her husband are there..and all Drake wants to do is grab her and kiss her, but he can't.That makes me think about those times I wanted to grab you and kiss you.. but you didn't know, so I would just pretend everything was cool..but really it was killing me.Joey, you never talked about that before.Hey, you know what else I could use?There's this scene where Drake sneaks into Olivia's bedroom..and she doesn't know he's there, which never happened with us.I mean, he knows he shouldn't be there, but he just wants to look at her. You know?And I remember all those mornings before you even put on your makeup.. when I would think to myself, "My God, she is beautiful."And it hurt so much because I knew I could never tell you.But it was worth it just to be there looking at you.Thanks, dude. This is great!I got you something from Vermont.Besides tampons and salt?Oh, my God.Maple candy. That's so sweet of you.That's weird, it's empty.Hi, you guys. What's going on? You guys wanna hang out or..? Do you guys hear a buzzing?。
911 The One Where Rachael Goes Back to WorkScene:Chandler and Monica'sChandler: Hey!Monica: Good morning, Tiger! I'm making you a nice big breakfast so you can keep up your strength for tonight. You're gonna get me good and pregnant.Chandler:I've got nowhere to go this morning. I'm unemployed! I don't know what I'm gonna do with my life.Monica: Well, I just lost my erection.Chandler: I mean, what am I supposed to do with myself?Monica: You're supposed to find your passion in life. You can be whatever you wanna be now. It's exciting.Chandler: But it's all so overwhelming. I don't know where to start. Monica: Hey, wait a second. I can help you with this. You just need to be organized. We can make a list of your qualifications, and categorize jobs by industry. There could be folders and files! Chandler: Hey! This is where your hyper-organized-pain-in-the-ass stuff pays off!Monica: I know! My erection is back!Opening creditsScene:Central PerkJoey:(To Gunther who comes over with coffee and a muffin) Thank you! Phoebe:Joey, can I have a sip of your coffee and a bite of your muffin? Joey: Okay.Phoebe Thank you. (Pours his coffee in a thermos and puts his muffin in her purse.) Tha nk you!Joey:: Pheebs, have you ever been bitten by a hungry Italian? Phoebe: I'm sorry, it's just, I'm a little short on cash.Joey: If you want I could loan you some money?Phoebe: Oh no, no, no. I learned never to borrow money from friends. No, that's why Richard Dreyfuss and I don't speak anymore.Joey: Oh, hey, how about this? Wanna be an extra on my show? Phoebe: You could do that?Joey: Yeah, yeah. The pay is pretty good and you could do it for as long as you need.Phoebe: Oh my god, I'm gonna be on TV!Joey:Okay, now. I gotta tell you, being on TV isn't as glamorous and exciting as you think.Phoebe: Oh, really?Joey: No it is awesome!(Rachel and Ross enter with Emma)Ross: Hi guys.All: Hello.P hoebe: Wow! Hey, why are you all dressed up? 911 瑞秋复工嘿!早安，小老虎!我要让你大吃一顿，为今晚储备能量让你弄得我爽爽的，再播下种子今早我无处可去我失业了失去生活的目标我没性趣了我该如何是好？你该找回生命中的激情随心所欲、去实现梦想还不够激动人心吗!失业后的挫败感铺天盖地而来，我无从下手。
Oh, that feels so good.Oh, lucky me. Coffee and a live sex show.- I'm sorry, what? - I'm sorry.- Nothing. I was just reading to Emma. - From Cosmo?Yeah. Yeah, it's:"Climax Your Way to Better Skin."So I have to go shopping today, which is my least favorite thing.I'm so bad at picking out clothes.So you need someone who knows fashion to tell you what looks good.Not me. Not me. Not me.- Oh, hey, Rach? - Yeah?- Maybe you could take Charlie shopping? - Oh, well..- I'm sure you have better things to do. - You kidding?Rachel loves to shop, and she has great taste.She's the one that taught me not to wear white after Labor Day..and to always, always, always put on underwear when trying on clothes.If you have the time, I'd really appreciate the help.Okay. Yeah, let's shop.Okay, you are gonna come back with some very classy clothes.And some slutty lingerie. Slutty!Okay, great. All right, bye.Pain in the ass!- That's off, right? - What's the matter, Phoebe?Mike's sister just invited me to a party tonight and he's gonna be there.She was like, "Don't worry. I asked him and he's totally okay with seeing you." So now I have to go so he'll think that I'm totally okay with seeing him.- Which you're not. You're hung up on him. - Exactly.You want him to eat his heart out, so you have to look fabulous.I didn't even think about that.Sexual politics!Phoebe, I'm taking Charlie shopping.- Come and I'll help you find something. - That'd be great.Oh, isn't that nice? The three of you, trying on slutty lingerie together.- That's not what we're gonna do. - Why'd you ruin it? Who was I hurting? The One With The Donor36I still can't believe this. My uterus is an inhospitable environment?I've always tried so hard to be a good hostess.I can't believe my sperm have low motility.While I was growing up, they sure seemed to be in a hurry to get places.- Hi there. - Hi.I'm sorry there wasn't better news from your tests last week..but I wanted to talk to you about your options.Okay.Even though your chances of conceiving through natural means aren't great.. you never know, so keep having sex on a regular basis.Oh, damn it!Don't worry. After a while, you'll tune it out.Given your situation, the options with the greatest chances for success.. would be surrogacy or insemination using a sperm donor.If you feel that neither of those is right for you, you could always adopt.Is that a hint?Because we love you, Dr. Connelly, but we don't want you to be our child. Wow! Talk about an inhospitable environment.Hi. Okay, you ready to go pick up Phoebe and go shopping?- Let's do it. - All right, have a good time.Not gonna find any clothes in there.- Hey, you guys. - Hi.Guess who's up for keynote speaker at the National Paleontology Conference? - Chris Bailey? - Yeah, right.When was the last time he made a submission deadline for an abstract?Why are you laughing?Just seeing what it'd be like to be a paleontologist.It's fun. Yeah.So you're up for keynote speaker?- Who's deciding? - Professor Sherman.- I'm meeting with him today. - He's a pretty tough guy to impress.I think I know how to dazzle him.You're not gonna to do a magic trick, are you?No.- Hey, guys. - I want to ask you something.I may get to speak at this paleontology convention.If I do, I'd love for you guys to come and hear me.I think I can safely say that we all have family issues, work and/or are sick.- It's in Barbados. - But you come first.I'm there.- I don't know Ross, I'm not feeling too.. - Barbados is in the Caribbean, Joe. Why didn't anybody say so?- See you later. - Okay, bye.- Bye. See you. - Bye.- So how did it go at the fertility clinic? - Not as much fun as last time. Apparently, you only get porn if you're giving a sperm sample.So, what did the doctor say?There's surrogacy, but Monica's dreamt her whole life of carrying a child.. and she just felt that watching a surrogate would be too hard for her.- So you're ruling out surrogacy? - Yeah.So I don't have to learn what that means?Aside from adoption, the only other choice is insemination..so we're talking about sperm donors.Enough said. I'm there for you, man. Where is she, upstairs?Your long-standing offer to have sex with my wife is appreciated.- But I think I'll pass. - So how do you feel about all this?I wish there was an easier way for us to have a child, but there isn't one. Come on, Ross, be a good guy. Step up and do it.What?What?! No! I'm not gonna give them Ben!The data we're receiving from MRI scans and DNA testing..of these fossils are staggering.I mean, we've been accepting Leakey's dates as a given.But if they're off by even a 100,000 years or so..then you can just throw most of our assumptions..you know, right in the trash.So, what I'm saying is..Is that..Is that repercussions could be huge.I mean, not just in paleontology, but if you think about it..in evolutionary biology, genetics, geology.I mean, truly, the mind boggles.Well, that's not what you want.- Incentive for Men? - I'll take some of that.- Phoebe, that's for men. - I know.When I go to the party later..Mike will know I'm over him because I'll smell like another guy.Okay.Oh, good, I'm dating a Russian cabdriver.Seriously, does anyone buy this? I smell like beets.I really like those jackets with the shoulder pads in them. Where are those? On Melanie Griffith in Working Girl.I think what you want is over here.See, I told you I needed someone.By the way, as a thank you, I would really love to take you out.- Really? - Joey and I are going to a movie tonight.- You want to come? - Oh, I can't.Because I've seen them.You've seen all the movies?Yeah. I'm a big fan.Of the movies.You know, motion pictures.The talkies.Rach, will you come with me to a dressing room?- Sure. - Okay.Maybe we could do something else.You know, that depends on what it is. I've done a lot of stuff.So, what were you doing out there? Do you not like Charlie?She's okay. I don't know, I just don't get a really good vibe from her. - Why? - I don't know.You know, just the way she waltzed in here all smart..and tall, you know..and just swept Joey off his feet. Nobody else has a chance.- Who else? - Anybody.You. Me.You know, Monica's mom.You like Joey?!Phoebe!All right, look, I do. I have a little thing for him. Just..- Oh, my God. - It's just physical.I have it totally under control, okay? It's just when I see them together.. sometimes, I just get a little jealous.Wow. Isn't that ironic that he liked you, and now you like..?I get it!All right, as long as it's under control.You can't do anything about it. He's already dating her.She is a nice person. That wouldn't be right.I know, I know. So it's just not a big deal.- So can we keep this between us? -Sure.Great, because I gotta get out of here. The smell of beets is killing me.Any chance Charlie has a deaf twin?- Hi, honey. - Hey.I brought a friend home for dinner. This is Zack from work.Oh, of course. It's so nice to see you again, Zack.- You too. - You guys haven't actually met before.But, boy, you're both polite.Have a seat. I'll get you a beer.- I got it. - Thanks.- So Zack's pretty nice, huh? - Yeah, I guess.So how would you like to have a baby that's half yours and half his?Excuse me?We're talking about sperm donors, and Zack may be the guy.Look. He's intelligent, he's healthy, he's athletic. I mean, he's sperm-tastic! Chandler, this is crazy. Well, what did you even say to him?"Come up. Meet my wife. Give us your sperm."I invited him to dinner so you'd get a chance to get to know him.With a sperm bank, you never meet the guy, get to check him out.- Chandler! - I'm telling you, he's great.I mean, even if my sperm worked fine, I think he'd be the way to go.I'm not going to be a part of this.You can't bring some random guy home and expect him to be our sperm donor. Okay.- Zack? - Thanks.Do you have a coaster? I don't want to make a ring.Tell me about yourself, Zack.Oh, God, do you think she heard? It'd be so bad if she heard.Maybe she didn't hear. I'll go into that dressing room and talk. You stay here. - See if you can hear me. - Okay, great.Oh, thank God, I can't hear a word that you're saying.- I didn't say anything yet. - Well, get back in there and talk.I'm Rachel.It's so annoying when I put Emma on the phone to talk with my friends. What?Well, some things are just hard to say to your face.Okay, well, I heard that. Which means that she heard it too.- We have a problem. - Oh, what are we gonna do?Just be honest with her.Oh, my God!It is annoying when parents put babies on the phone.All right, enough out of you!Thank you.Where did I go wrong? This is good stuff.- Hello? - I need to talk to Charlie. Is she there?No, she went shopping with Rachel. Why? What's up?I'm meeting with Professor Sherman about my being the keynote speaker.- How's it going? - It could be better.He fell asleep.What? But I already bought my ticket to Bermuda!- Barbados. - Fine, I'll rent a car and drive.You have to get that job.What am I supposed to do? He's out cold.In fact, he was just talking in his sleep before..and evidently he wants someone named Fran to "spank him harder."- Well, just wake him up. - I can't.If he realizes that I'm the one who put him to sleep, I won't get the job.That's a tough one.Oh, wait a minute. This happened to me before.Yeah, I was auditioning for a play, and the producer fell asleep. I..No, wait a minute.It was me who fell asleep.I mean, hey, Shakespeare, how about a chase scene once in a while?- Hey, guys, dinner's ready. - I'm gonna go wash up first.Thanks.What do you think? I want his genes for my kid. Those eyes, those cheekbones. Okay, there's enthusiastic, and there's just plain gay.- You don't like him. - I think he's fine.But we don't know anything real about him.- I wish we could get more information. - All right, just follow my lead.- You guys have a great place here. - Thanks. I'm crazy about our place. Hey, speaking of crazy..do you have a history of mental illness in the family?No. Although, I did have an uncle who voted for Dukakis.That's really not the kind of thing we're looking for.Okay.So tell me, how'd you guys meet?Oh, friends first, drunk in London, you know the story.I've got a better question for you:Do you or any of your blood relatives have diabetes?No.Heart disease? Alzheimer's? Gout?You guys don't have people for dinner a lot, huh?We're just making conversation.Yeah, well, okay. I heard a joke today. It's pretty funny.You know what's not funny? Male pattern baldness.You guys have shown a lot of interest in me tonight, and I'm flattered.. and quite frankly, a little frightened.Can we just talk about something else?- Sure. - All right.This ravioli's delicious.I notice you're enjoying that ravioli with a beautiful set of teeth.Did you have braces as a child?- No, I didn't. - Yes!We're teeth people, Zack.Let's just do it. Let's just go over there and see if she heard.- Good plan. - Okay.- What? Where are you going? - Oh, I'm sorry, Rachel.I don't have time for your childish games, okay?I still have to find something incredible to wear..so I can beat Mike at "Who's More Over Who"!- Where have you been? - Trying on clothes.-你去哪里了？ -去试穿衣服Oh, really? In the dressing room? Well, that's so weird.Phoebe and I were in the dressing room. Gosh, it's just such a small world. Rachel, I heard you two guys whispering.Oh, God, you did, you heard. Okay, look, let me explain.There's nothing to explain. I heard you.Phoebe likes Joey.Yeah.I don't understand it. I mean, Phoebe likes Joey..and then she's here to buy a dress to impress another guy?Yeah, that's Phoebe. That's Phoebe. You know, she just wants them all.It's, like, she's nympho.- Wow! - Yeah.You know, by the way, I heard you tell her not to do anything.Thanks for sticking up for me. God, you are such a nice person.I try.Oh, my God, you really want me to be the keynote speaker?Thank you!You're welcome.Wow! You look..stop-eating hot!Which is like the highest level of hotness.Okay, are you sure? Because I am really dreading going to this party. Then don't go.Mike knows I'm coming. If I don't show up, he'll think it's because of him.. and then I'm gonna lose face. That's a very serious thing in my culture.All right, then you go to that party, and you pretend to be over Mike. Afterward, you come to my place and I'll get you good and drunk.You got it. Okay.But not on the wine that you made, okay?Because I just don't want to go back to the emergency room.I'm sorry, I don't seem to have enough cash.You would accept rubles, would you?This is a hundred-thousand-ruble note, which is worth approximately.. nothing.- David? - Phoebe! Hi.- Oh, my God! - Hi.Wow! You look unbelievable.Oh, yeah, well..What are you doing here?Well, I'm back from Minsk. Permanently.Well, what happened?Remember how I was trying to achieve..the positronic distillation of subatomic particles?Yeah.Well, after eight years of research, I discovered..that it can't be done.- Oh, I'm sorry. - It's all right.This kind of thing happens all the time in science.To people who base eight years of research on a typo in a scientific journal. Well..great that you're back. How are you?- Good. Good. Life is good. - Good.Well, I'm seeing someone.- Good for you. - Yeah.She's also a scientist, so she's very smart and pretty and..It's actually because of you that we're together.I mean, I saw what you had with that Mike guy..and I just said, "Boy, I want that."- Mike and I broke up. - You're kidding me.Because I'm not seeing anybody. I just totally made that up.- Really? - I don't know why, I'm sorry.I guess I just didn't want to lose face.I understand.Yeah. Okay. So then, okay..So we're both living in New York, not seeing anyone.- That's so not like us. - Yeah, I know.Well, this is probably a stupid question, seeing that you look like that.. but do you have someplace that you need to be right now?Well..No.- Well, do you want to get a drink? - I'd love to.- Great. - Okay.Do you smell beets?All right, stay upwind of me.Hey, there's Phoebe. Is that Mike she's with?No, that's David.There's a third guy?Tip of the iceberg.I'm gonna take off now.You're gonna let me go home, aren't you?Sure you don't want to stay a little longer?No, I should get home. I'm kind of tired.Are you always tired?Because that could be a sign of clinical depression.No, it's tiring to figure out the age at which all my grandparents died.- I'll see you tomorrow. - Okay.Bye.I think we found our sperm.He does seem pretty perfect.Yeah? You think so? Should I ask him?No.Why not? Just because his great-grandmother was obese?Our kid's gonna get that from you anyway.No, that's not it.It's just that when we were asking him all those questions before..I just realized I don't care if he is the most perfect guy in the world.- He's not you. - Yeah, he's better!No, he's not.If I can't get pregnant with you, then I don't want to get pregnant by him.. or anyone else.- Really? Are you sure? - Yeah, I'm sure.Thank God, because l don't wanna do this either.I was just doing it because I thought that was what you wanted.I'm the husband. I'm supposed to bring the sperm.That is so sweet.I love you.So you know this leaves us with..Adoption.How do you feel about that?I think I feel okay about it.Actually, I think I feel really good about it.Me too.I wanna find a baby that needs a home, and I wanna raise it with you.And I wanna mess it up in our own specific way.So this is it? We're really gonna adopt?Yeah.- Oh, my God! We're gonna be parents! - We are gonna be great parents. And it could be soon.I mean, think about it. Right now, somewhere out there..our baby could be being conceived.Wait. If we're lucky, and we're really, really, really quiet..we may be able to hear the sound of a condom breaking.Hey, Zack.Hey, Chandler.I wanted to apologize for last night.I got the feeling we made you uncomfortable.- No, you didn't. - Really?No, you did.My wife and I have some boundary issues.Sometimes we ask inappropriate questions.We're working on it.- Here are the boards for Friday's pitch. - Thank you.You wouldn't know if Jeanette's planning on keeping her baby, would you?。
This kitty is Mittens. This one is Fitzhugh.And this little guy in the cat condo is Jinkies.That's a lot of cats, Jo Lynn.Single, are you?- I'll get it. - Okay.Chandler Bing.How come you're answering your own phone? Where's your crazy assistant? You're not crazy. You're not crazy.Otherwise, why would you have all those cats?What's up, Joe?What have we always wanted to do together?Braid each other's hair and ride horseback on the beach?No. No. No. When you get home tomorrow night..you and I are gonna be at the Wizards-Knicks game, courtside!- Courtside? Oh, my God! - Yeah!Maybe Michael Jordan will dive for the ball and break my jaw with his knee! That is so cool. I'll let Monica know.These need your signature.Listen, Jo Lynn, that was my friend Joey. He calls everybody crazy.- Hello? - Hey, hon, it's me.Hi. How's the crazy cat lady?Joey just called.He's got courtside Knicks tickets for him and me tomorrow night.But tomorrow night's the only night I get off from the restaurant.If you go, we won't have a night together for a week.But honey, it's courtside! The cheerleaders will be right in..That's not the way to convince you.I don't wanna be one of those wives that says:"You can't go to the game. You have to spend time with me."So if you could just realize it on your own..I know. You're right. I wanna see you too.I gotta figure out a way to tell Joey. He's looking forward to it. Tell him you haven't seen your wife in a long time.Tell him that having a long-distance relationship is really difficult. Tell him that what little time we have together is precious.I'll think of something.The One With Rachel's Phone Number38I mean, it's just.. That dress..Well, I hope the ends of these sentences are good.They're good. It's just been a while since I've seen you like this. You clean up good.Really? Well, thank you.Okay, stop looking at me like that.- Last time that happened, that happened. - Right, right.So are you excited about your first night away from Emma? Yeah, yeah. Phoebe and l are gonna have so much fun.- Thank you for watching the baby. - It's fine.Actually, I invited Mike over.- Phoebe's Mike? - Yeah.- I didn't know you hung out. - We don't..but I'd like to get to know him.Maybe have a little dinner, drinks, conversation.That's so cute. Ross and Mike's first date.It's not a date.But if it turns out to be something more..I'll leave a tie on the door.Will that be awkward? What are you gonna talk about?I don't know. But you know, we have a lot in common, you know? He plays piano. I played keyboards in college.He's been divorced. I have some experience in that area.- Yeah? - Hi!Girl's night out indeed.So I think Emma is probably down for the night..- but if you need anything.. - We'll be fine.- You go have fun. - Okay, you too.- Thanks. - And I hope you score.- Okay. Bye. - Bye.So, welcome.- I got beer. - I got bottled breast milk.- Why don't we start with the beer. - Okay.- So Phoebe tells me you play piano. - Yeah.You know, I used to play keyboards in college.Do you have one here?No.Okay.You know, I'm divorced.Phoebe.. Phoebe says you're.. You've been divorced?Yeah, yeah.Yeah, I'm sorry. I don't really like to talk about it.That's okay. We'll talk about something else.- This is a nice apartment. - Thanks.The moldings are all original.I don't know if the moldings are original in my apartment.- So you're a paleontologist, right? - Yeah.My cousin's a paleontologist.Well, he and I would probably have a lot to talk about.- Welcome home. - Well, look at you.Yeah. What do you think?Well, it looks great. It's just..I'm wearing the same thing underneath, so..You see what I mean?Hey! How come your door's locked?- Just a second! - No, no, no!- Joey can't know I'm here. - Why not?I didn't want to say I couldn't go to the game..- so I told him I had to stay in Tulsa. - So you lied to him?It's always better to lie than to have the complicated discussion. Except with you.Hey, open the door! What's going on?- What are you..? - Hi.Why are you dressed like that?Because Chandler's gonna be home in a couple of days..so I thought I would just, you know, practice the art of seduction.I thought I heard a man's voice before.No, I was just doing Chandler's side of the conversation.You know, like, "Hi, how do I look?""Really sexy. Could I be any more turned on?" You know?Okay. Wait a minute.Why are there two glasses of wine out?Because one of them is for you!Cheers! Okay, bye-bye.You know, it's funny. I've been practicing the art of seduction myself.- You might wanna keep practicing. - Yeah.- It's Joey. - What?- Hey, Joe. - Dude, come home!- What? Why? - Come home!Look, I can't. What's going on?I don't know how to tell you this, but I think Monica's cheating on you!I told you, you shouldn't have married someone hotter than you!If you can't deal with this, then I'm gonna.- No! - I just heard him!Can you hear him now?No. All right, I'm going in.- No, wait! - I heard him again!All right, just stay there. I'm coming home.I'll see you when you get here.I'll wait out in the hall in case he comes out.- Is that really necessary? - Absolutely. You'd do it for me.Not that you ever have to, because I know how to keep my women satisfied.- Yeah, listen, thanks a lot. - Okay, bye.He thinks I'm a slut.Oh, right, and you're supposed to be a fireman?Shouldn't the pizza be here by now?I mean, they said 30 minutes or less. Well, how long has it been? Eleven minutes.And now 12.- So you wanna watch TV? - You think I haven't thought of that?I mean, I would like to but the cable's out.Didn't seem like such a big deal until tonight.- So you like the beer? - I do. I do.Although, it's actually a lager.What's the difference between beer and lager?I don't know.We could look it up.Things are about to get wild.Oh, God, remember the girls' nights we used to have..sitting around talking about you and Ross?Oh, God! It seems like forever ago.I know.So, what's going on with you and Ross?Well, I don't know. I mean, for a long time, nothing.But you know, actually, right before you picked me up..Ross and I had a little thing.Oh, my God! I love things! What happened?Well, first he told me he liked how I looked.And then we had a little..eye contact.Eye contact?I hope you were using protection.Excuse me, these are from the two gentlemen at the end of the bar.Oh, actually, I can't have another one on account of my breast milk. Okay.Hey, Rach, maybe there's a less disgusting way to decline a drink.Should we send them something back? Let's send them mashed potatoes! No, wait! Don't do that!That'll make them think they can come over.So, what if they do?We're not here to meet guys. You have a boyfriend. I have a baby and a Ross. Yeah, but nothing has to happen. We're just having fun.You know, not everything has to go as far as eye contact.Chandler, you have to tell Joey you're not in Tulsa.Isn't it better for him to think you're cheating on me..than for him to think I'm cheating on him?I heard it.I don't want him to think I'm having an affair.All right, I've got a plan. I'll go down the fire escape..Because all good plans start with, "I'll go down the fire escape."Hear me out, woman!I'll go down the fire escape and wait.Then it'll be like I just got back from Tulsa.Joey and I will come in and see that there's no guy in here.Aren't you afraid that Joey's gonna figure all this out?I heard it.- I'm gonna wait. - The scary pigeon's back?It's huge.I can't believe you live in that building. My grandmother lives in that building! Ida Greene? No sense of personal space..kind of smells like chicken, looks like a potato.- "Spuds" is your grandmother? - That's my bubbe!So we're on our way to a couple of parties.Maybe we could get your numbers and call if we find something fun? Yeah. I'm sorry, we weren't really looking for anything to happen..with you guys. I have a boyfriend.- All right. - It's no big deal.Just out of curiosity, which one of you was for me?- That would've been me. - Nice.Different situation, cowboy, and you would've had yourself a handful.So she has a boyfriend. What is your situation?Well, it's complicated. I don't actually have a boyfriend, but..Then can I have your number?I'm sorry, no.Okay.Oh, sure!Oh, my God, you're giving your real number!Okay, thanks. I'll give you a call later tonight.- Great. - Bye.Bye.So that's great.You, Bill, Ross and Emma are gonna be so happy together.What were you thinking?I don't know. He was cute, and he liked me. It was an impulse.Like when I bought these shoes. They were cute and they liked me too.But what about Ross? What about your moment?We had a moment. We looked at each other.Maybe if we live together for another 10 years, we may hold hands!But you were really excited about it.- Don't you wanna talk to him? - No.No, because I know exactly how the conversation's gonna go."Hey, Ross, you know, I think we had a moment before.""Yeah. Me too.""Well, but I'm not sure I really want to do anything about it.""Yeah. Me neither.""Should we just live together..and not tell each other how we're feeling?""Yeah, that works for me."Yeah, I see what you mean.By the way, nice Ross imitation.Your Rachel wasn't whiny enough.- Well.. Hey! - Better.The point is maybe I should just stop waiting around for moments with Ross. You know? I should just move on with my life.So really, you're moving on from Ross?I don't know. Do I have to decide right now?You kind of just did. That guy is gonna call you tonight.Ross will pick up the phone, and that's a pretty clear message.Oh, my God, Ross!Ross is gonna pick up the phone.I have to get my number back. Oh, my God, he's gone!"Oh, I have to get my number back! Oh, my God! He's gone!" Dead on.- You know, I'm gonna take off. - So soon?- Yeah. - Okay.Well, thanks.. Thanks for the beer.- You mean lager? - Yeah. Good times.- Okay. - All right.- Hello? - Hey, Mike, it's me.Listen, is.. Is Ross near you?No, I just left.And that, right there, is the most interesting conversation I've had all night. Really? Okay.Well, you have to go back in.What? Go back? To the land where time stands still?I'm so sorry, honey, but..Okay, Rachel gave this guy her number..and she doesn't want Ross to answer the phone.So you have to intercept all his calls.I can't do that!- He says he can't do that. - Give me the phone.Hi, Mike. Hi, listen, I know that this is a lot to ask, but you know what?If you do this, Phoebe will do anything you want.- Seriously, I'm talking dirty stuff. - All right. Thank you. Hello?Hi, I'm sorry about her. But actually, she wasn't wrong about the dirty stuff. All right, I'll do it.But really, how much dirtier can it get?Oh, Mike.Bye.Hey, buddy.Hi.- Can I come back in? - Why?Well, I was just thinking about how much more we have to talk about.But you left.That didn't take long.I thought you said Tulsa was, like, a three-hour flight?Well, you're forgetting about the time difference.- You ready? I'm gonna go in there with you. - Thanks.Just in case there's more than one dude in there.- Again, thanks. - Yeah.Chandler, you're home!That's right! Your husband's home! So now the sex can stop!You know what I mean.What are you saying?Joey said you're here with another man!There's no man in here! How dare you accuse me of that!All right. Then maybe you won't mind if me and my friend take a look around. He can't even see us!- I kind of liked it. - Me too.What's he doing?I arranged some pillows on the bed to look like a guy.Bedroom's clear. Although you might need some new pillows.All right, well, I'll check the guest room.Why do I smell men's cologne?I think that's you.Oh, yeah. I rubbed a magazine on myself earlier.There's nobody here, Joe.I guess not.I can't believe you thought I was cheating. You owe me an apology.- You're right. I'm so sorry. - It's an honest mistake.It could happen to anybody. See you.Wait a minute, wait a minute.If you just got back from Tulsa, how did your suitcase beat you here?I climbed down the fire escape, and you can't put that in the closet?So, with the exception of the fermentation process..beer and ale are basically the same thing.Fascinating, isn't it?Maybe you should look up "fascinating."I'll get it!Hello? Ross' place. Mike speaking.It's for you.I don't understand what just happened here.What's going on?I'm sorry.I told you I was in Tulsa because I wanted to spend the night with Monica..and I didn't know.. I didn't think you'd understand.You think I'm too dumb to understand a husband needs to be with his wife? You think I'm, like..- Joey? - Yeah.I don't know what to say. We shouldn't have lied to you.I feel so bad. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?You could go to the game with me. Even though you said you couldn't. But then you lied to me and tricked me and gave me a bump on the head. I'm sorry, that's the one thing I can't do. I promised I'd be with Monica.All right.- You can go. - What?You should go to the game. It's okay. I want you to.- Really? You gonna be okay? - Yeah, I'll be fine.You know, maybe I'll stay here and practice the art of seduction.- You're gonna put sweats on and clean. - It's gonna be so hot!- Bye. - Bye.Thanks.Here's your ticket.Thanks. Hey, listen..I'm never gonna lie to you again, okay?And I want you to know that nobody thinks you're stupid.Thanks, man.- Where you going? - Game's tomorrow night, Joe.I'm glad I got to talk to your mom. She sounds nice.Yeah, she's a peach.Oh, God!So glad you're back!So, what did you guys do?You know, we just drank some beer.Mike played with the boundaries of normal social conduct. It's true, I did.- Well, goodbye. - Okay.- Bye. That was fun, Phoebe. - I know. It was fun.See you, guys.Lock the door! Lock the door, seriously.Shoot, I forgot to pay Phoebe for the drinks.Wait, wait. Wait, sorry. Did he call? Did that guy call? No, just his mom.Around 8:30?- Yeah. - Then again at 9:00?Yeah.Hello?No, she's not here right now. Can I take a message?Bill from the bar?Okay, Bill from the bar, I'll make sure she gets your number. So.. So how was it?Did you guys..? You guys have a good time?We had so much fun. It felt so good to be out.Rach?Yeah?Never mind.- Hey, you guys. - Hey!I'll be right back. I gotta go to the bathroom. Stout. That's a kind of beer.。
经典美剧《老友记》-第九季-第三集-字幕-对白-纯英文-看美剧学英语So, what's the big news you had us rush all the way over here for?It took you 45 minutes to cross a street.Come on, guys. It's just one baby.Oh, sure, now you guys clam up.Our news. My company has asked me to head up our office in Tulsa.So as of Monday, I'm being officially relocated.- Oh, my God! - What? Monday?- How long do you have to go for? - They said it could be up to a year.- A year? - Well, do you have to go?Well, I kind of have to, don't I?Because of this stupid thing.There's nothing like the support of your loving wife, huh?Wait a minute. Wait, you can't go to Tulsa.Maybe you forgot, but we have tickets to the Jets game next week!I'm sorry, but I don't think I'll be able to make it.But we were gonna go see the Jets!You can't go. I mean, you're the glue that holds this group together.- Really? - Not you.This whole thing is gonna be okay.They said they'd rent us a house in the suburbs. You guys can come and visit. Oh, God, that is so not gonna happen.I can't believe you guys are moving.- I call their apartment! - No!The One With The Pediatrician25You know what? I'm not even sure I can have caffeine.I went through this with Ben and Carol. One coffee won't affect your milk. Just to be sure, I'm gonna call Dr. Wiener.Every time?You don't have to call him whenever you have a question, okay?- Trust me. I know this. - All right. I trust you.I can see you dialing. I don't understand why..I'm on the phone! Dr. Wiener?It's so weird seeing Ross and Rachel with a baby. It's just so grownup.I know, yeah. I feel like we're all growing up.觉得好像我们都一起长大了A person named "Wiener." God, that kills me.- Look at you all grownup. - Well, actually, you know what?I am, you know?Well, that whole thing with Rachel made me realize..that maybe I'm ready for a more serious relationship, you know?Like, I'd like to meet a nice, mature, commitment-minded lady.And looks aren't as important as..Nah, she's gotta be hot.You know, I might know somebody.How about you set me up with someone, and we double-date?I can do that. Yeah. How's Friday?- Done! - All right.Good, really? Okay, let's see.All right.You know who's great? Sandy Poopack."Poopack"?Yeah. All right. Well, that rules out Lana Titwyler.- I've got good news. - You got out of the whole Tulsa thing?Okay, I have news.You don't have to move to Tulsa. You can stay here and keep your job. That's great! How?My boss and I worked out a deal where I'm in Tulsa four days a week.So the other three, I can be here with you.So you're gonna be gone four days a week?No.I'm sorry, are you just used to saying that?No. I can't be away from you for that long.- Really? - Yeah, you're my husband.I won't live in a different state than you for 208 days out of the year.That's fast math. We could use you in Tulsa.Thanks for trying to figure out a way, but if you go to Tulsa, I go with you. You said that without gagging.I know!Well, excuse me?Oh, yeah? Well, up yours too!- Who the hell was that? - Dr. Wiener.Rach, you can't call people at 3:00 in the morning.You know what? You sound just like his wife.Was there anything even wrong with Emma?Yes, of course there is! Okay? I'm not insane.What was it?Hiccups.I told you, you can't call him every time any little thing comes up.Well, not anymore I can't. He fired us!Can you believe that?I could believe it if he came here and hit you over the head with a copy of Highlights. What are we gonna do? We have to find a pediatrician.Wait, Monica said that when you guys were growing up..you liked your doctor. What was his name?Dr. Gettleman?Yeah, no, I don't think that's a good idea.In fact, I think he's dead.Why does everything happen to me?I promise, first thing tomorrow, we'll find another doctor.But I gotta get up early, and I'm not feeling well.You're not feeling well? What do you have? Rubella?Because don't go near Emma, she has not had that shot.You know, come to think of it, it does feel rubella-like.Wiener!Wiener! Wiener! Wiener!Rachel!Great! Now he's gonna know it was me!And the kung pao chicken.Utensils and plates for one.And can you read the order back to me?Great.Yeah. Okay, thanks. Bye.So how is this for our big double date tonight?Oh, my God.Great. Just the reaction I was hoping for.Yeah, so you found someone for me? You didn't forget?Of course not. And you'll love Mary Ellen.She's really smart and cute and funny and..I can't tell you how I know this, but she is not opposed to threesomes.All right.- So tell me something about my guy. - No.Come on, give me something. What's his name?I'm not sure I understand the question.What do they call him?- Mike. - Mike. Okay, what's his last name?Damn it! Is there no mystery left in romance anymore?!We'll see you and Mike at the restaurant in a couple hours.All right, great. See you. Bye-bye.Why'd I have to say Mike? I don't know a Mike! Why couldn't I have said..? There's no guys in there!So this is being a parent, huh?I think I can handle this.Too intense. Too intense.Well, I did it.I told my crew at the restaurant I'm heading off to Tulsa.- Oh, yeah? How'd they take it. - Pretty well. Yeah.They were brave little soldiers.Did their best to be stoic.Some of them even high-fived each other to mask their pain.It's impossible to find a good doctor. How do you know the good ones.. from the ones who'll push their penis against yourknee?Excuse me?I know what she's talking about.You probably also had the piano teacher with the wandering hands. Well, we've gotta find a new pediatrician.Ross was getting sick last night, and Emma may have caught it.- Why don't you see Dr. Gettleman? - Ross said he died.He didn't die. I just saw his daughter last week.She said he was fine. Her, on the other hand, botched Botox.Great. Well then, I'm gonna take Emma to see him.I wonder why Ross said that he died?Maybe he confused him with his childhood therapist.He saw a therapist?He used to have a recurring nightmare. It freaked him out.Wow, what was it?That I was going to eat him.Mike!Yeah?Okay.I can't believe I'm doing this with you.Although I did just end a nine-year relationship..so I should be open to taking some risks.That's good. Get all that boring stuff out now.Everything is gonna be fine. Follow my lead, okay?All you have to do is pretend to be Mike.- I am Mike. - Attaboy.Here they come.- I'm Phoebe. - Phoebe. Mike. How you doing?- Nice to meet you. - Joey, this is Mary Ellen Jenkins.So, Mike, how do you and Joey know each other, anyway?How do Joey and I know each other?If I had a nickel for every time somebody's asked me that.- From school. - We met in college.I mean high school.You guys go way back, then. So, what are you up to these days?- Well, I'm a lawyer. - Mike, attorney at law!- Actually, I just gave up my practice. - What?That's the kind of thing you usually run by me.I want to play piano professionally. If I don't do this now, I never will. Great. I like that better than the lawyer thing.Which is why I waited until now to introduce you to Mike.You thought he was still a lawyer.No, that's not what I meant. Let's get you a cocktail.What are you doing?Looking for restaurant jobs for you in Tulsa.That's so sweet. Did you find anything?- Slim Pickins. - Nothing, huh?No. Slim Pickins. It's a barbecue joint.They're looking for a cook. Actually, "cook" may be a bit of a stretch. They're looking for somebody to shovel mesquite."Slim Pickins"? That is so cheesy.Well, So Cheesy also has an opening.Honey, that's okay. I know this woman, Nancy..who's a restaurant biz headhunter. She may know something.Can I say how much I appreciate you coming with me?When we get to Tulsa, I am taking you for a great dinner at Slim Pickins. So Cheesy?Whole Hog?It's gonna be tough to keep kosher in Tulsa.Hi, Nancy? Hi, it's Monica Geller.I'm good. Listen, I'm looking for a job in Tulsa.Yeah, well, my husband's been relocated.Because I love him.No, I don't want a job in New York.Javu's looking? Oh, my God!He asked for me personally? Oh, my God!Wow, this is really, really flattering.But I'm moving to Tulsa.So, just, if you would tell Javu..I'll take it!My name's Rachel Greene. I have an appointment for Emma.Dr. Gettleman is finishing up with a patient. He'll be out shortly.I think you just have a cold. It's definitely not strep.Thanks, doctor.- Would you like a lollipop? - Do you even have to ask?He is alive!It's so surprising that you and Joey have known each other for so long..and I've never heard about you.That's because we had a bit of a falling out.Mike hit my mom with a car.- No, I didn't. - That's okay. I have forgiven you.Now we're friends again, and everything's great.Well, wait. Is your mom okay?Please, we're trying to have a conversation.You're a lot nicer on Days of Our Lives.Days of Our Lives! That's why you look so familiar!- What? - What?What?Do you not know each other?Of course we do. He's playing a game we used to play in high school.We pretend we don't know each other. We played all kinds of games.You remember that one where I punch you in the face for not being cool? Let me ask you something: How many sisters does Joey have?- Six. - No, he doesn't. He has seven.What are you doing? I said seven!Joey, why did you set me up with a stranger?Because I forgot about our date. I'm so sorry.I'm sorry too. And just to be clear, I didn't hit his mother with a car. Although I'd like to be hit by one right now.Yeah, no problem.You are unbelievable. I spent so much time finding the perfect girl for you. Mary Ellen is really smart and cute and loose.嘿！Who are you kidding?You find some guy off the street for me?God, this is humiliating!I'm so sorry. If you don't like this guy, I can find you a better one. Mike? Mike?I'm out of here.It was nice meeting you.- You're leaving too? - I'll stay if you can tell me my name.Have a good night.We leave tomorrow, and you still have a lot to pack.You're right.Maybe I shouldn't go.What?So Nancy told me about this job at this great restaurant, Javu?But it's just a little outside of Tulsa.Well, how far outside?Manhattan?And you're thinking of taking it?Before, you said that being with me was more important than any job. But I guess now it's old job, me, new job.I'm gonna miss this hand!I know this is a lot to ask..but, my God, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.What happened to "you can't live without me four days a week"? Well, if you really think about it, I mean, four days is not that long.I see you Monday before you go to work..and Thursday when you get back..and I always work late on Tuesdays, so really if you think about it..it's really just one day.And well, if we can't make it one day, we got real problems, my friend.- I think you should take the job. - Really?I know it must be important to you when you start chattering like a monkey. That's the nicest thing anybody's ever said to me.It's your dream job. I can't make you pass it up.Besides, I'm proud of you.- You are? - Yeah.And when I get to Tulsa and people say, "Where's the missus"..I'll tell them she's a chef at Javu.And then, when they stare at me blankly..I'll make some offensive Tulsa joke, and thus, begin my isolation.- How was the pediatrician? - I really liked him.Yeah, yeah. It was really, really, really good.- You promised not to say anything. - I know.Ross still sees his pediatrician!I don't care.Are you serious? You still see Dr. Gettleman?He is a brilliant diagnostician!Diagnostician or boo-boo fixer?Seriously, you gotta go to an appropriate doctor.And not an orthodontist..not a gynecologist..and not a veterinarian..Why? I know it's a little weird, but he is a great doctor, okay?He knows my medical history.And every time I go in there, he makes a big deal.You know, "Look, it's my favorite patient."Does he say that before he sticks his thermometer in your tushy?I seem to remember someone bringing his security blanket to college. That was not a security blanket. That was a wall hanging.It didn't spend much time on the wall!Excuse me.Hi. I was hoping to run into you. Can we talk?Sure.Yeah. There's someone I want you to meet.This is my best friend from high school.I'm sorry, I don't think I know you.How hard was that?Look, I'm sorry, really. I'm so embarrassed.Please.Really, I'm a pretty nice guy. Just ask my parole officer. Apparently, I'm not a funny guy.Well, why did you go along with that?Because I was told that I'd get a free dinner, which I didn't.And that I'd meet a pretty girl, which I did.That's true.Well, is anything you told me about yourself true?My name is Mike. And I do play piano.- Prove it. - There isn't a piano here.That wouldn't stand in the way of a true pianist.Okay.You are really good.- I play a little guitar myself. - Really? That's great.- What kind of music do you play? - Like acoustic, folksy stuff, you know? But right now I'm working on a couple lron Maiden covers.Do you think that, maybe, sometime, I could..It's okay. Go ahead, ask me out.Okay. You think, maybe, sometime I could take you out?You just caught me off guard.Yeah, that would be nice.Look at this! My two best friends!Excuse me. I don't mean to be a jerk..but the baby with the rash came in after me.- The doctor will be right with you, sir. - I hear you..but do you have any harder puzzles?Mommy, I can't find Waldo.What page are you on?What, the circus? He's behind the elephant.Wow. So your child's a big fan of the Waldo books too?Yeah, that's how I know.- I'm Ross, by the way. - Hi, I'm Sally.So no ring. Can I assume you're also a single parent?- I am a single parent. - It's hard, isn't it?There's no time for a social life. Where are you gonna meet someone?- Well.. - Mommy, I can't..Sea shore? Row boat.Let's say, I don't know, you met someone in the pediatrician's office. Rossie? We're ready for you.Yeah..Come on, Ross Jr. It's time to go in.Mommy.Mommy, what's wrong with that man?Hey, I helped you find Waldo!- Good, you haven't left yet. - Where have you been?I got held up at Dr. Gettleman's office.There was some guy that freaked everybody out.I don't think I'm going back there.You got here just in time. I really have to go, buddy.Oh, man.- Promise to call me when you land? - Of course I will. I love you.I love you too.Watch the tongue, people. We got a baby over here.- Bye, Chandler. - Bye.- Bye, honey. - Bye.- What's the matter, Joe? - I'm mad at you for leaving.You know, you're nothing but a big leaver.A big leaver with a stupid suitcase.Any chance you're trying to pick a fight to make all of this easier? Dude, you see right through me!Okay, well.. Bye, Mon.Bye, Ross. Rachel.- Bye, Emma. - Okay, bye-bye.Have a good trip. Okay. Oh, my God. Wait.It goes old job..new job..and you.This is just something I have to do.I know.I love you so much.I know that too.Don't worry. I'll be back before you know it. Yes, it will be the same.Because I know, that's how.I promise.You double promise?Call me when you land.- Can I talk now? - Okay, bye.- Joey! - He had to board.。
Hey, hon? Would you help me get the plates down?Hey, here's an idea. Why don't we use our wedding china today?Or we could save them for a fancy special occasion.How about this: You could treat me like I'm an equal..or talk down to me like I'm a child.No, I just think we should save our china for something really special. Like if the queen of England comes over.Honey, she keeps canceling on us. Take the hint.What if something breaks? They're expensive.What is the point of having them if we never use them?Okay. But if something breaks and then the queen comes over..- I will explain it to her. - Like I'd let you talk to the queen.Wow, the parade is really good this year.Man, those horses can crap.Next up is a marching band from Muskogee, Oklahoma.Muskogee? That's like four hours from Tulsa!Y'all look great!That's right, I said "y'all!"Here's the float with the stars of the popular daytime soap..Days of Our Lives.Oh, my God!Aren't you one of the stars of the popular daytime soap Days of our Lives?I forgot! I'm supposed to be there!I can't believe I forgot! I usually write stuff like this down on my arm! Stupid long sleeves!- What are you gonna do? - I'll come up with a good reason..why I wasn't there.The producers are gonna be mad. They sat us down and said:"Everyone has to be there,6 a.m. sharp. That means you, Tribbiani."Like I was some kind of idiot.Well, you proved them wrong.The One With Rachels Other Sister34This is your first Thanksgiving.What are you thankful for?Mommy's boobies?A lot of people are thankful for those.Hello? Rachel?Who is it?It's your favorite sister.- Jill? - Amy!Hide my rings.Amy! Happy Thanksgiving.Do you have a hair straightener?Hi.- Hi. - Hi.Hair straightener.- I haven't seen you in, like, a year. - I know. I know. I've just been crazed. Well, me too. I had a baby.I decorated Dad's office.Yeah? Well, unless you pushed a desk out of your vagina, not the same thing. About that hair straightener, honey, I really need one.I'm gonna have dinner at my boyfriend's house.Oh, my God.Is this Emmett?It's Emma.It's a girl?- Hey, Amy. - Amy, you remember Ross?Not really.But you are much cuter than that geeky guy she used to date.That was me.No, he was this creepy guy from high school who had this huge crush on her.. since, like, the ninth grade.Still me.No, I'm not talking about you.It was your fat friend's brother with that bad Afro.Okay, Amy, I'm gonna save you some time, okay? All me!Careful. Careful.Careful!I'll tell you what. For the rest of our lives..I'll be careful until told otherwise.- This isn't the china we picked out. - I know.After you left the store, I chose different ones.- Why? - Your taste is a little feminine for me.Suddenly flowers are feminine?Hey, everybody! Happy Thanksgiving!- Happy Thanksgiving. Phoebe! - What's going on, Joe?Listen, I need a good lie.Okay.How about the whole "man walking on the moon" thing, you know?You can see the strings, people!No, no, no. I need a good lie to explain why I wasn't at a work thing today.- Honey, you stink at lying. - I do not.Really? Let me ask you something. Yesterday at the coffeehouse..I went to the bathroom. When I came back, my muffin was gone. Who took it? Somebody opened the door to the coffeehouse..and a raccoon ran in and went straight for your muffin. I said:"Hey, don't eat that! That's Phoebe's!" And he said..He said, "Joey, you stink at lying." What am I gonna do?Don't worry. We'll come up with a lie. I'll help you.- Great. That'd be great. Thank you. - Sure. What was the work thing?- "Pick up Grandma at the airport." - Oh, man!She's precious.Do you ever worry that she's gonna get your real nose?Amy..Yes, I do. I really do.Hello?Yeah, hang on, one sec. Can I take this upstairs?Sure. We don't live there, but..Seriously? It's just these rooms?- I thought you were a doctor. - Yeah. No, Ross has a Ph.D.God, she is unbelievable.I know. I mean, a Ph.D. is just as good as an MD.Sure, Ross, yeah!If I have a heart attack at a restaurant, I want you there with your fossil brush.- Stupid Thanksgiving. - What?- What? What happened? - My boyfriend canceled on me.I mean, I finally find a real relationship.Someone that I can spend this day with, and then his wife comes back into town!I swear, it's almost not even worth dating married guys.Don't say that.God, I was so looking forward to this.It was gonna be such a beautiful Thanksgiving.We were gonna have sushi.Amy, don't cry.- Ross, can I talk to you in private? - Sure, you wanna go upstairs, or..?Look, I was thinking, if it's okay with Monica..I would like to invite Amy to Thanksgiving.I think that's a great idea. It'll be like the Pilgrims bringing the Indians syphilis. Look, I know she's a little tough to take.But she has nowhere else to go, and she's my sister. She's Emma's aunt.- And I would like them to bond. - I don't want them bonding too much.I don't want her telling Emma she needs a nose job.Ross, she may need one. We're just gonna have to make our peace with that! Amy..Amy?Amy!I'm out in the hall.Your baby had some sort of explosion of stink.The bonding's going great.- Hi! - Hey.Hey, you guys. This is my sister, Amy.This is Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and you know Mon.Oh, my God.You're on Days of Our Lives!Yeah.Wow! They must put a lot of makeup on you.Happy Thanksgiving.- Hey. - Hi.So welcome. Is this the first time you're seeing Emma?Yeah, I think so. It's nice to meet you, Emma.- Phoebe. - That's a funny noise.- Phoebe? I still need some help here. - Right. Okay.So it's not just the lie you tell, but it's the way you tell it. For example.. if you look at the ground when you talk, people know you're lying.I don't know why this is so hard for me. Lying is basically just acting.. - and I am a terrific actor. - You are a terrific actor.I could talk to the producers for you. I'm a great liar.Take Monica's dress. I said I loved it.- I hate it. - Hey!I'm also a great moron.- Hey. Where's the baby? - We just put her down for a nap.Listen, I was just thinking. You know what would be incredible?If you guys died!Thank you, Amy.No, no, then I would get the baby.It would be just like a movie. At first I wouldn't know what to do with her. And then I would rise to the occasion. Then I'd get a makeover and get married. That's a great movie!Now, listen, not that you guys could stop me or anything..because you know, you'd be dead.But I was thinking about changing her name.I'm just not really a big fan of Emily.Emma.Emma? Ross wants you.Phoebe!Why does she keep making that noise?Honey, I don't know how to tell you this..but if something were to happen to Ross or myself..- you wouldn't get the baby. - Well, who would?Well, we haven't officially asked them yet..but we would want Monica and Chandler.- Who? - You're in their apartment.I can't believe you'd want us to raise Emma.Oh, my God, I'm so moved.I don't believe this. Hold on a second. You guys die..and I don't get your baby?Amy, see, we're a lot closer to Monica and Chandler.We see them every day. And truthfully, you don't seem connected to the baby. Connected? To what? She's a lump.You know, guys, I've gotta say this means so much to me.I mean, that you would trust me with your child.I mean, we all know that Monica and I have been..trying to have a baby of our own.You know, I've had my doubts about my skills as a father, but..That you two..- That you two.. - This guy?Seriously?Okay, it's time for dinner.Everyone, we're using our fancy china..and it's very expensive, so please be careful.Okay, just to be clear, comedy with the plates will not be well-received.Hey!How come my plate's less fancy than everyone else's?Do you not trust me with a fancy plate?No, honey. That's a special plate.See, it's a game. Whoever gets that plate wins.I can't believe I won!You know, this is such a slap in the face. I mean, I'm your sister..and you would give your baby to these strangers over me.Monica is Ross' sister.No, Ross' sister was really fat.That was me.No, she was this dorky girl in school who followed Rachel around like a puppy.. Amy, you've got to stop doing that!Okay, listen, I know you're having a bit of a family crisis..but you don't have to take it out on the plates.I mean, in fact, I think that everyone..should cut their food like this:Now, see? This way, you protect the plates..and let's face it, you have fun.Okay, how about this? If you guys die..and the crazy plate lady dies..- then do I get the baby? - No, if crazy plate lady..If Monica dies, then I would get Emma. Right?- Well, actually.. - Actually what?It's just.. It's just that in that case..then Emma would go to my parents.- What? - Hurts, doesn't it?Who has to die for me to get her?So if Monica's not around, I'm not good enough to raise Emma?No, that is not what we're saying.Yeah, he's lying. He looked down.Well, what's wrong with me? Am I incompetent?Because I managed to survive whatever it is that killed the three of you!You're taking this the wrong way. We think you are going to be a wonderful parent. It's just.. You're more the, you know, fun parent.Yeah, and we wanna make sure Emma also has someone like Monica..who's more of a disciplinarian.Someone who can be firm and strict.That's not how you see me, is it?No, you're all about the fun.I may not know a lot about babies, but do you really think I'm not capable?No. You both are equally capable.It's just you're strongest when you're together.Okay. So if we both had Emma, and I died..she'd have to give her up.Sure. Monica would have to give her up.I lie better than that, right?Let me just get this straight. So my two friends die, I get Emma.Then my wife dies. Then Emma, the one tiny ray of hope left in my life..- gets taken away from me? - There's your movie.Hey, there you are.- You disappeared after dinner. - Did somebody miss me?Was there a child to raise poorly?Ross and Rachel don't know what they're saying.It's not like they're so responsible.Emma is a product of a bottle of merlot and a five-year-old condom.No, but they're right. I'm not a strong father figure, and I never will be.No, you learn these things. You grow into it.Yeah, but it's not who I am.Everything they said is exactly why I was worried about having a kid. And it's true. - And look, everybody knows it. - I don't know it.I wanna have a kid with you because I think you'll be an amazing dad.At the fun parts and at the hard parts.Well, can you picture me saying, "Go to your room, you're grounded"?Can you hear me say, "You're grounded"?You said that to me last week.How hard is it? "No shoes on the furniture!"The producer from Days left a message asking why I wasn't at the parade.They said everybody's really pissed off at me. And they all got to meet Santa!It's okay. I thought of the perfect lie for you.It's easy to remember, and it doesn't invite a lot of questions.Does it have something to do with a spaceship?The Statue of Liberty came to life..You weren't at the parade because you had a family emergency.I like that! Yeah!I wasn't at the parade because I had a family emergency.What happened?- My sister's raccoon came.. - No, nothing with a raccoon!- Wait, what are you doing? - Setting the table.We thought it might be nice to use the fancy china for dessert too.How nice. Maybe later we can all go blow our noses on my wedding dress.Hey, dude, you okay? Sorry about before.That's okay. You're totally right. I don't know anything about disciplining a child. But it did hurt my feelings, and I want you to know that if I die..you don't get Joey.In case you hadn't noticed, I'm not talking to you.You know, this is just.. This is classic Rachel.Oh, yeah, right. Remember in high school when I died and didn't give you my baby? This might be my one chance to have a child, Rachel.I mean, you know that I have been so busy focusing on my career..- What career? - I'm a decorator.You decorate Dad's office and now you're a decorator?Okay, I went to the zoo yesterday, now I'm a koala bear.- Why can't you ever be supportive? - You wanna talk supportive?You didn't come and visit me when I was in the hospital having the baby!You didn't come see me in the hospital when I was getting my lips done!I did the first time.You know what? You wanna know why I am not giving Emily to you?- Emma. - Whose side are you on?!I'm not giving you Emma because you can't handle the responsibility of a child. Well, how hard could it be? You do it.You wanna know why you don't want me to have the baby?Because you don't want me to be happy.- You have always been jealous of me. - Jealous of what?Of your lack of responsibility? Your immaturity?Your total disregard for other people's feelings?To name a few.You've always been like this.You had to have everything, and I couldn't have anything.Like in junior high, when you stole Timmy from me.I mean, do you even realize how much that hurt me?Timmy was my boyfriend, and you made out with him!Come on, that was 20 years ago. Get over it.I cannot believe that I invited you here today!Yeah, well, you know what I cannot believe? That my so-called sister..gets a 30 percent discount from Ralph Lauren, and I still have to pay retail?It's 45.You bitch.You just think you're so perfect..with your new baby and your small apartment.Well, let me tell you something. Your baby isn't even that cute.Too far, Amy. Too far.- You take that back. - No.- Take it back! - No. What are you gonna do? Make me?Hey, man, I work out!- So do I. - I do Pilates.- I do yoga. - Bring it on!Put the plates in the boxes! Put the plates in the boxes!- Did you just push me? - Yeah, I think I did.All right, that's it.Forget the bubble wrap! There isn't time!Frizzy, frizzy, frizzy!- Shouldn't we stop this? - Are you out of your mind?Let's throw some Jell-O on them!Hey, someone could get hurt.Kick her, Rach! Kick her!Pull her top off, Rach! Pull her top off!Gross!All right, that is it! This is our apartment, and you cannot behave this way! If you can't act your age, you shouldn't be here at all.Those plates may not be as nice as the pretty pink ones that I picked out.. but they're important to Monica. And I want you to apologize to her, now. - I'm sorry. - Mon, I'm so sorry.Okay. That's better.Now, I want you to apologize to each other and mean it.- Sorry. - Sorry.By the way, that fight was totally arousing.Dude, well done.If I die and Rachel dies and Monica dies, you can totally take care of Emma. Yeah? Well, thanks.So.. So now do I get Joey?Okay. But you should know he eats a lot and shoves pennies up his nose. Are you okay, Mon?I mean, these things happen. I mean, it's just a plate.- It's not like somebody died. - It's all right. You can mourn.Thank you. It was so beautiful!I'm gonna go to Joey's and get the pies.Actually, not pies. It's just pie.I don't care.Oh, my God, I've lost the will to scold.Look, Amy..we got a little..a little out-of-control over there.And I'm sorry.You're my sister..and if it really means that much to you..- So you're gonna give me the baby? - No, I was..I was gonna let you use my Ralph Lauren discount.You are not gonna regret this.- She needs changing. - No, no, no. I'll get her.I am super confident, totally responsible and fourth in line to raise Emma. I'll be right there, Emma! Just let me get my trusty diaper bag here.Well, what do you know? I guess I'll be the one who dies first.- Does Monica know about her plates? - Nope.- Broke them all, huh? - Yep.- You gonna tell her? - Nope.Hey. So I'm gonna put the plates back.I think you're right. We shouldn't use these plates for a long time.- Like only if the queen comes? - Maybe not even then.Hey. I did it.I told my producer I had a family emergency. He totally bought it.- Thanks for teaching me how to lie. - No problem. Next week, stealing. - Bye, plates. - You told her you broke all the plates?What?! Something happened with the plates?Yeah, this raccoon came in..。
经典美剧《⽼友记》-第五季-第⼗五集-字幕-对⽩-纯英⽂-看美剧学英语Chandler! Chandler!I saw what you were doing in the window!I saw what you're doing to my sister! Get out here! Listen,we had a good run.What was it? Four,five months?That's more than most people have in a lifetime. Goodbye. -What are you doing? -I am going on the lam.Come on,Chandler. I can handle Ross.Hold on!Hey,Ross. What's up,bro?What the hell are you doing?What's going on?I think Ross knows about me and Monica.Dude,he's right there.I thought you were my best friend! This is my sister!My best friend and my sister! I cannot believe this!We're not just messing around. I love her.I'm in love with her.I'm so sorry that you had to find out this way.I'm sorry, but it's true. I love him too.My best friend and my sister!I cannot believe this!You guys want to probably get some hugs in too. Big news! We've actually known for a while.What? You guys knew?You all knew and you didn't tell me?We were worried about you. We didn't know how you were going to react. You were worried about me?You didn't know how I'd react?Okay. All right.Let's clear out of here and let these lovebirds get back to business.I'm just talking here. He's the one doing your sister.The One With the Girl Who Hits Joey34You know what I just realized?If you guys have kidsWe're having kids?I call godfather!You can't just call godfather.Shouldn't her brother be godfather?Sure. If you cared enough to call it first.-You're a few steps ahead of us. -Big zero gravity moon steps.I just thought of the greatest wedding gift.I'll go in on that with you. I couldn't decide.Hey,Katie.This is Katie.You ready to go?I'll run to the bathroom.Where's lunch?I was thinking Chinese food.I love Chinese!How did you know I love Chinese?She is so cute.You could fit her in your pocket.She could fit in that little pocket inside the pocket.I don't know. I like her a lot, and she's really nice,but....But what?She keeps punching me.In the cute,little sweet way she just did?It's a lot harder than it looks.She's hurting me.I know what you need. You need a bodyguard.What is Ben doing after preschool?Joey is having a problem. A little girl is beating him up. Joey,come here. Honey,I know. This must be really difficult for you,andI'm sorry,am I hurting you?I brought you some housewarming gifts.Salt, so your life always has flavor.Bread, so you never go hungry.And a scented candle for the bathroom.Because,well,you know.Thanks. Thanks. And thanks,I guess.Welcome. I'm Steve Cera, president of the tenants' committee. Ross Geller. And this is my friend Phoebe. Mr. President.I came to talk to you about Howard.He is the handyman who's retiring next week.Everyone who lives here is kicking in $100 as a kind of a thank you. That's nice.Yeah. So, do you want to give me a check?Not now. You can slip it under my door.No,it's not that.I just moved in.Well,the guy's worked here for 25 years.Yes,but I've lived here for 25 minutes.Okay,I get it.Wait! Look, I'm sorry, it's just I've never even met Howard.I mean, I don't know Howard.Howard's the handyman.Yes,but to me,he's just "man."Okay. Fine. Whatever.Welcome to the building.Can you believe that guy?I really like his glasses.So then President Steve told everyone I was a cheapskate......and now the whole building hates me.A little kid spit on my knee.And told me to wipe it off with my $100 bill.You really should wipe it off with something.You know what?I'll throw a party. For everyone in the building.And I'll sit them all down and explain that I am not a bad guy.I am not a cheap guy. I'm just a guy......who stands up for what he believes in.A man with principles.Sounds like a fun party.If you want them to like you, why don't you just pay the $100?The party will cost you more.That doesn't matter!It's my principles! We're talking about my principles!I thought it was about your neighbors liking you.They'll like me once they come to my awesome party.I gotta get some nametags.And that crazy party animal will be your brother-in-law.Very funny. But don't say that to Monica.Don't put any ideas in her head.You do realize that those ideas are probably already in Monica's head? Why? Well,because she loves you and because you love her.Yeah,so? What's that supposed to mean?Don't freak out! I'm telling you something you already know.She left Richard because he didn't want to have babies.And she is a woman. And she's almost 30. And, you know, it's Monica.I don't see it that way. I see two Monicas.My friend who lives across the hall and wants a lot of babies.And the new Monica who I started to date.Now,who is to say what she wants?I'm right.Am I right?Oh,absolutely.I'm completely different from Richard.He's an eye doctor, and I don't wear glasses.You're right.You're absolutely right. That makes everything different.It's not different,is it?Not unless different means "the same."You were so funny with that waiter. You're such a nut!You know,bread-stick fangs are always funny.No,you make them funny. You're the funny one!Look,Katie. Listen, we need to talk, okay?Look,I like you. I really do. I like you a lot.But sometimes when you playfully punch me like that......it feels like I'm being hit with a very tiny but a very real bat! Like I could hurt you. Are you making fun of my size?Don't make fun of me because of my size!Isn't this great?Couldn't you just stay like this forever?Couldn't you just stay here forever?Yeah, here, somewhere else. You know,wherever.Are you okay?I'm cool.Casual.What are you doing?Just hanging out. Having fun with the girl that I'm seeing casually.Man,I knew it! I knew you'd do this.What?Get all freaked out because everybody was joking about marriage! Well,you do want all that stuff,right? You know what I want?Yes! You want babies! You have baby fever!I do not have baby fever!You're obsessed with babies and marriage......and everything that's related to babies and marriage.Why don't we turn the heat down on this pressure cooker!Have you lost your mind?This isn't about me. This is about you and your weird commitment crap!I know you. I know the thoughts that you have in your head.You don't know everything.Did you know I'm going out with Rachel tonight instead of you?And that the only baby here is you?Did you know I can't even look at you now?I did not know that.It'll be okay, right? She won't leave me. This is fixable.-Yeah,sure. -Absolutely.By me?Unless you make some big gesture.Big,though.The missus!Gunther, can I get a coffee?To go.I still don't want to talk to you.Tell me how to make things right.That's what we do.I mess up,you tell me how to fix it and I do.And then you think I'm cute again.I'm really tired of being your relationship tutor.Figure this out for yourself.If you're afraid of a real relationship......then don't be in one.（欢迎）（罗斯）（盖勒博⼠）Howard! Howard! Howard!菲⽐？菲⽐Hi,Ross!What are you doing here?I thought this was your party, and it's a party for Howard.He's the sweetest little man.See you,Phoebe. And thanks for chipping in.Oh,sure.You chipped in?Yeah,$100.I can't believe you gave him money.I thought you agreed it was unreasonable that they asked me for that money. But they didn't ask me. I'm just the exotic,generous stranger. That's always fun to be.But you're making me look bad.No,I'm not! If anything, I'm making you look better.They'll see you talking to me. I'm a hit.Hey,Phoebe!Hey,Ross.Maybe you two could switch apartments.Because Phoebe is more our kind of people.Think about it.Okay,my bad.You look big.Thanks,I've been working out.Listen,is it obvious I'm wearing six sweaters?Yeah. But it's not obvious why.I'm breaking up with Katie, so I put on some extra padding.If she hits me when she is happy, can you imagine how hard she'll hit... ...when I take away the Joey love? Oh,right. I forgot that you call it that.Hey,cute jacket.Thanks.-That's so sweet! -Ouch!Did Joey tell you to say that? You guys are too much!You know what? I gotta tell you......I think you're the one that is too much.Joey has the nicest friends.And the nicest girlfriend.You're so sweet!You're so sweet!She just kicked me.Aren't you going to do something?Do something or I'll walk out that door right now.Are you going to?不要Phoebe?That's what I'm saying.Phoebe? Phoebe?This is a disaster. Can't I please just go?I'm talking you up to people.Give it some time, relax. Get something to eat.What did you tell them about me?I told them about you and Emily. Trying to get some sympathy.But you came off as the bad guy.Yeah, I think I told it wrong.We should talk about that because I don't understand what happened there. This cake is really good! Things are looking up.Oh,my God! Someone cut Howard's cake!Who would do a thing like that?3B.You got your free food. You ruined everyone's fun.Isn't it time you went home?Yeah, get out! Now!Go back to 3B,3B.Everyone,calm down! I have something that I'd like to say.Who here likes Ross?Of course you don't like him.He didn't give you any money.He raised his own hand when I asked, "Who likes Ross?"And he's wearing two nametags.I'll be honest. When I first met Ross, I didn't like him at all.Once I got to know him, I saw that he is really sweet......and caring and very generous.All I'm saying is,don't judge Ross before you get to know him.You know,I like all of you guys now. But when I first met you, you know? Kurt? I thought, abrasive drunk. Lola?Mind-numbingly stupid.You guys. Gold digger, cradle-robbing perv.So I think you all know what I mean.Obviously, I didn't think they would throw things.I thought if I kept insulting them you'd defend them.Then you'd look like the hero.See,I did not get that.Where's Monica? I need to talk to her, it's urgent.I'm Monica.I need to talk to you. It's urgent.I've been thinking......about us. A lot of "us" thinking.I guess there's only one way to do this.What are you doing?Don't do it.Will you marry me?What a bad idea.I can't not look at it.Why are you doing this?I don't know.But I know I'm not afraid to do this.I'm doing this because I'm sorry?Do you think the best reason to get married is because you're sorry? The best reason is pregnancy.Sorry is fourth,behind being ready and actually wanting to get married. Will you be my wife?I want you to take a minute and think about how ridiculous this sounds. I'm kind of wishing everyone wasn't here now. None of that came from me.I never said I wanted to have babies and get married!I was really confused. Then I talked to these guys.Who? Two divorces and Joey?She's right,you know?Yeah,but still, cheap shot!You know when I said that I want you......to deal with relationship stuff all on your own?You're not ready.I didn't think I was!Oh,my God.What would you have done if I had said yes?I would've been happy because......I would spend the rest of my life with the woman I love.Or you would have seen a Chandler-shaped hole in that door.Will you pass that knife?No,I will not.You don't have to be mean about it.You're right. I'm sorry. Will you marry me?I was going to ask you to marry me because I didn't say hello to you. Or ask them to move in with you. But I'm not sure. Chandler?How long is this going to go on?I think the length of teasing......is directly related to how insane you were. So a long time.This is fun!Remember that "we were on a break" thing?I'm sorry. Will you marry me?That's not funny.。
- Coffee. - Thank you.- Cappuccino. - Grazie.And a nice, hot cider for Monica.Thank you.Rach, why does my cinnamon stick have an eraser? That's why.Sorry.Chandler?Miss Tedlock, you look lovely today.May I say that is a very flattering sleeve length on you. Mr. Costilick would like you to stop by his office today. If it's about those prank memos,I had nothing to do with them, really.Hey, you guys!Chandler's coming and he has incredible news.So when he gets here, let's all act, like, you know Never mind. But it was gonna be really good.What's going on?So it's a typical day at work......and Big Al calls me into his officeand tells me he wants to make me processing supervisor. - That is great! - Congratulations!So I quit.Why?Why? This was a temp job.Chandler,you've been there for five years.I know, but if I took it,I'd be admitting that this is what I do.Was it a lot more money?Doesn't matter. I just don't want to bea guy who sits in his office until 12'o clock in the night... ...worrying about the WENUS.The "WENUS"?Weekly estimated net usage system.It's a processing term.Oh, that WENUS.What will you do?I don't know, that's the thing I don't know what I want to do.I just know I'm not going to figure it out working there.I have something you can do!I have this new massage client, Steve.Anyway, he's opening up a restaurant......and he's looking for a head chef.- Hi, there. -Hi.I know. You're a chef and I thought of you first.But Chandler's the one who needs a job right now,so....I just don't have a lot of chef-ing experience.Unless it's an all-toast restaurant.What kind of food is he looking for?He wants to do something eclectic.He's looking for someone who can create the entire menu. - Oh my God! - I know!So, what do you think?Thanks. Pheebs.- I just don't see myself in a big, white hat. -Ok.Oh, Monica! Guess what?Can you see my nipples through this shirt?No, but don't worry. I'm sure they're still there.Where are you going? Mr. suity manI have an appointment with Dr. Robert Pilman,career counselor-a-go-go!- I added the "a-go-go." - Career counselor?You guys all know what you want to do.I don't.You guys in the living room all know what you want to do. You have goals. You have dreams. I don't have a dream! You have goals. You have dreams. I don't have a dream! The lesser-known "I Don't Have a Dream" speech.I love my life! I love my life!"Brian's Song"!- The meeting went great? - So great!He showed me where the restaurant's gonna be.It's this, it's this cute little place on 10th Street.Not too big, not too small. Just right.Was it formerly owned by a blond woman and some bears? I'm cooking for him Monday night, kind of an audition. Phoebe, he wants you here.It's great for me. You can make yummy noises.- What are you gonna make? - Yummy noises.And Monica, what are you gonna make?I don't know. It's gotta so be great.I know what you can make! I know!You should make that thing with the stuff.You know that thing with the stuff?Okay, I don't know.Guys. Anyone know a good date place in the neighborhood? How about Tony's? If you finish a 32-ounce steak, it's free. Anyone know a good place if you're not dating a puma?- Who are you going out with? - Is this the bug lady?"I love you, Ross."Her name is Celia she's not a bug ladyand she's curator of insect at the museum.- What are you gonna do? - Go out to dinner......then bring her back to my placeand introduce her to my monkey.And he's not speaking metaphorically.So back to your place? You thinking maybe....Well, I don't know....I'm hoping....I'm telling you. That monkey is a chick magnet.She'll take one look at his cute, little faceand it'll seal the deal.Celia, don't worry. He's not gonna hurt you!Soothing tones.- Here, Marcel. - I can't stand this.- He's got his claws on my - Yeah, all right.Okay, try this salmon mousse.Good.Is it better than the other salmon mousse?- It's creamier. -Yeah? Well, is that better?I don't know. We're talking about whipped fish.I'm just happy I'm keeping it down.God, what happened to you?Eight and a half hours of aptitude tests......intelligence tests, personality tests, and what do I learn? "You're suited for data processingfor a large multinational corporation."That's so great! You already know how to do that.Can you believe it?Don't I seem like I should be doing something cool?I just always pictured myself doing something.... Something!Chandler, I know, I know.Hey, you can see your nipples through this shirt.Here you go. Maybe this will cheer you up.I had a grape about five hours ago,so I better split this with you.It's supposed to be small. It's a pre-appetizer.The French call it an amuse-bouche.Well, it is amusing.Hi, Wendy. Yeah, 8:00.What did we say, $10 an hour?Okay, great. All right, I'll see you then.$10 an hour for what?I ask one of the waitress from work, she's helping me. Waitressing?Of course I thought of you. But....- But.... - But, but....But it's just this night has to go just perfect, you know? Wendy's more of a professional waitress.And I'm maintaining my amateur statusso I can waitress in the Olympics.I don't mean to brag,I don't mean to brag,but I waited tables at Innsbruck in '76.Amuse-bouche?Talk to me.A weird thing happened on the train this morning Talk dirty.- Here? - Come on. Come on.Say something hot.What? What?Vulva.Vulva?I panicked, all right? She took me by surprise.But it wasn't a total loss. We ended up cuddling.You cuddled? How many times?Shut up. It was nice.I just don't think I'm a dirty-talking kind of guy.What's the big deal? Just say what you wanna do to her.Or what you want her to do to you.Or what other people might be doing to each other.I'll tell you what. Try something on me.Please be kidding.Why not?Just close your eyes and tell me what you'd like to be doing right now. Ok, I'm in my apartment....- Yeah, what else? - You're not there.- We're not having this conversation. - All right, I'll start.- Joey, please... - Come on, ready, look.Oh, Ross......you get me so hot. I want your lips on me now.- Now you say something. - I really don't think so.- You like this woman, right? - Yeah.- You wanna see her again, right? - Sure.If you can't talk dirty to me,how will you talk dirty to her?Now tell me you wanna caress my butt!Okay, turn around.I don't want you staring at me while I'm doing this.All right, I'm not looking. Go ahead.I want Okay, I want......to feel your hot, soft skin with my lips.There you go. Keep going, keep going.I want to take my tongue andSay it.Say it!run it all over your body...... until you're trembling withWith?- Funny story. - You're not gonna believe this.It's Ok, I was always rooting for you two kids to get together. Chandler, while you were sleeping,that guy from your old job called again.- Again? - And again and again and again.Hello. And again.Hey, Mr. Costilick. How's life on the 15th floor?Yeah, I miss you too.Yeah. It's a lot less satisfying to steal pens from your own home. That's very generous. But this isn't about the money.I need something more than a job.I need something I really care aboutThat's on top of the year-end bonus you metioned earlier?Your dream!Look, Al, I'm not playing hardball here, okay?This is not a negotiation. This is a rejection!No, no, no Stop saying numbers!I'm telling you, you've got the wrong guy!I'll see you Monday!Wow! It's huge! It's so much bigger than the cubicle.This is a cube!Look at this.You have a window!Yes, indeed-y. With a beautiful view ofLook! That guy's peeing!That's enough of the view. Check this out.Okay, sit down here.This is great.- You ready? - Yeah.Helen, could you come in here?Thank you, Helen. That'll be all.Last time I do that. I promise.Wendy, We had a deal.Yeah, you promised.Wendy! Wendy! Wendy!- Who was that? - Wendy bailed.I have no waitress.That's too bad. Bye-bye.Ten dollars an hour! Twelve dollars an hour!Mon, I wish I could,but I've made plans to walk around.Rachel. When you ran out on your wedding, I was there for you.I put a roof over your head!If that means nothing to you....Twenty dollars an hour.Done.Hello. Welcome to Monica's. May I take your coat?- Hi, Steve. - Hello, Monica.Hello, greeter girl.- This is Rachel. - Yeah, okay.Everything smells so delicious.I can't remember ever smelling such a delicious combination of Okay, smells.- It's a lovely apartment. - Thank you. Would you like a tour?I was just being polite, but all right.- What's up? - In the cab on the way over......Steve blazed up a doobie.What?- Smoked a joint, you know? Lit a bone. Weed, hemp, ganja - Ok. - Smoked a joint, you know? Lit a bone. Weed, hemp, ganja - Ok. I'm with you, Cheech.Is it dry in here?Let me get you some wine.I think we're ready for our first course too.These are rock shrimp ravioli in a cilantro ponzu sauce......with just a touch of minced......ginger.Well, smack my ass and call me Judy!- These are fantastic! - Gosh! I'm so glad you liked them.Like them? I could eat 100 of them!That's all there is of these......but in a few minutes, we'll serve some delicious onion tartlets. "Tartlets?""Tartlets.""Tartlets."Word has lost all meaning.Excuse me. Can I help you with anything?You know, I don't know what I'm looking for.Cool! Taco shells!They're like a little corn envelope, you know?- You don't wanna spoil your appetite. - Hey, Sugar-O's!You know, if you just wait another 6 1/2 minutesMacaroni and cheese! We gotta make this!- No, we don't. - Oh, okay.Sorry.Why don't you just have a seat here?- Give me the gummy bears. - No.- Give them to me. - We'll share.- No. Give me the bears. - Then you can't have any.- Give them to me! - It's not worth it!Bears overboard! They're drowning!Hey, fellas, grab onto a Sugar-O! Save yourselves!Help! Help, I'm drowning!- That's it! Dinner is over! - What! Why?Why?I've waited seven years for an opportunity like this......and you can't wait 4 1/2 minutes for a stupid tartlet? You don't wanna work for that guy like that.I know, I just thought that this was it.You get it. You're an amazing chef.Those yummy noises? I wasn't faking.So, how did it go with Celia?- I was unbelievable. - All right, Ross!I was the James Michener of dirty talk.It was the most elaborate filth you have ever heard.I mean, there were characters, plot lines,themes, a motif.At one point, there were villagers.And?By the time we finished all the dirty talk it was kind of late and we were kind of exhausted, so...- You cuddled. - Yeah, which was nice.Do you guys want to try to catch a late movie?Maybe, but shouldn't we wait for Chandler?Where the hell is he?Yes, friends, I know what time it is......but I'm looking at the WENUS and I'm not happy!Let me tell you something.You will care about it because I care about it.Got it? Good!How's this?Sorry. How about over here?That means it's working.- Does this hurt? - No.How about this?There you go!I'm gonna throw up!第一季第十五集So no one told you life was gonna be this wayyour jobs a joke, you're broke,your love life's D.O.A.It's like you're always stuck in second gear,And it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year, butI'll be there for you,when the rain starts to pour.I'll be there for you,like I've been there before.I'll be there for you,'cause you're there for me too.'cause you're there for me too.'cause you're there for me too.'cause you're there for me too.'cause you're there for me too.'cause you're there for me too.。
918 The One With The LotteryScene: Central Perk - Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, Ross and Rachel are sitting on the sofas. Joey entersJoey: Monica, hey, can I borrow the Porsche?Monica: Ok.Joey: Alright!Monica: But ehm...what is it not?Joey:(abashed) A place to entertain my lady friends.Monica: And what else is it not?Joey:(even more abashed) A place to eat spaghetti.Monica:Very good! (Gives him the keys)What do you need it for anyway? Joey:Oh well, the powerball lottery is upto 300 million and they don't sell tickets here in New York, so...Rachel: Oh! So you're driving up to Connecticut?Joey:(hesitates for a moment)Yeah Connecticut...Not West Virginia. Monica:Hey, maybe I'll drive you up there! I'd like to buy some tickets myself!Joey: Uh!Monica: Yeah with Chandler not getting paid, we could really use 300 million dollars.Chandler: Yeah, because if I was at my old job we'd say 300 million? No thank you!Phoebe: Hey will you get me tickets too?Rachel: Yeah me too. oh! I have an idea. Why don't we all pitch in 50 bucks, we'll pool our money together and then if we win, we'll split it!Everyone almost simultaneously except Ross:yeah thats a great idea! Ross: No thanks!Phoebe: You don't wanna win the lottery?Ross:(in a mocking voice)Uh...sure I do, and I also wanna be King of my own country and find out what happened to Amelia Earhart. Chandler: Still on Amelia Earhart?Ross: The woman just vanished!Joey: Seriously, Ross, you don't want in on this?Ross:No! Do you know what your odds are of winning the lottery? I (I)mean you have a better chance of being struck by lightning 42 times. Chandler: Yes but there's six of us so we'd only have to get struck by lightning 7 times.Joey: I like those odds!Ross: Seriously you guys, I can't believe you're going to spend 250 dollars on the lottery, I mean that's such a bunch of boohaki. Chandler:(looking around at the others)I'll ask. (To Ross)Boohaki? Ross: Oh oh, we think Emma is about to start talking so we're trying to be careful about what words we use in front of her.Rachel: Yeah so get ready to hear alot of ehm...boohaki, goshdarnit 918 博彩莫妮,借车开开?好耶!规矩?不能在车里和小妞乱来还有？不准吃意粉乖谢开车去哪儿?“强力球乐透彩”奖金累积到3亿，而且纽约没得卖.所以你要开去con-necticut？对哈，是康涅狄格,而不是西维吉尼亚州.我开车送你去好了.我也想买彩票钱德不挣钱，3亿圆够花一阵子的.对，如果我有工作，就会说，3亿圆？不用了，谢谢帮我带彩票?我也要.成.我有妙计，每人出50圆，凑钱买彩票.中奖了大家平分！高招不用了，谢谢你不想赢大钱？当然想。
920 The One With The Soap Opera Party[Scene: Monica's apartment]Joey:(enters the room) Hey, you guys, what are you doing tomorrow night?Chandler:(browsing through a diary) Well, let me see... I-I believe I'm... yes, falling asleep in front of the TV.Joey: Look, my agent hooked me up with six tickets to a great play. Chandler: I could fall asleep at a play.Phoebe: What is it?Joey: It's a one-woman play called "Why don't you like me: a bitter woman's journey through life".Monica: It sounds interesting!Ross:Yeah, it does sound interesting, I mean, to listen to a woman complain for two hours, I don't think it gets bett... (Ross starts snoring, faking to fall asleep)Phoebe: I know, I know, we can drive, we can vote, we can work, what more do these broads want?Joey: You guys are gonna have a great time, I promise!Ross: What? How come that you don't have to go!Joey: I wish I could but I just found out that I have to be at work really early the next day, so I can't go, but, you know, take the extra ticket and invite whoever you want.Chandler:(browsing through a diary) Uh, let's see, who do I hate? Rachel:(gets up from the sofa and moves to the kitchen but Joey blocks her way) Oh, sorry... Oops, sorry.Joey:(lifts Rachel up and moves her behind him so she can walk on) Hey, here you go.Rachel:Ooh... oooh... (pause)(Rachel is all bah-jiggity about Joey) oh, ah... (pause)(to Monica) Can I ask you a question?Monica: Yeah.Rachel: Do you think it's possible for two friends to fool around and... and not have it be a big deal?Monica: No, I don't think it ever works. Why?Rachel: No reason.Monica: No, no, Rachel?Rachel: YeahMonica: Who do you wanna fool around with?Rachel:(with high pitched voice) Nobody, forget it!(Monica points at Joey, Rachel turns and sees him)Rachel:(giggling and whispering) Maybe.Monica:(whispering) You can't!Rachel:(whispering) Why? (Monica gesticulates mumbling something that starts with "because")Seriously I did not understand a word that you said.Monica: In the hall.[Scene: In the hall]Monica: You wanna fool around with Joey?Rachel: Yeah! You know, ever since I had that dream about him, and 920 肥皂剧派对嗨, 你们明天晚上有什么安排?嗯, 我看看... 我记得应该是...对, 看电视看到睡着!正好, 我的经纪人给了我六张不错的戏剧票我也可以看戏看到睡着关于什么的?是一个女人的独立剧, 叫:"你为什么不爱我——一个女人的痛苦人生"听起来好像不错是好像不错我是说, 听一个女人抱怨两个小时, 至少能比这个好点——对, 对, 我们能开车, 我们能选举,我们能工作, 这些娘们还想要什么?你们会喜欢的, 我保证!什么? 你不和我们一块儿去?我是很想去, 但我明天必须非常早起去工作!所以我不能去, 但你们可以把我的票给你们想要的任何人嗯, 我再看看, 我最讨厌谁?唔, 不好意思...噢, 不好意思嘿, 这儿走!我能问你件事儿吗?当然你认为是否可能两个朋友只是"搞"在一起而完全不当一回事儿?不, 我认为那根本不可能怎么了?没什么嗨, Rachel?嗯你想跟谁...?没什么, 算了!也许:)不行!为什么?说实在的, 根本没明白你在说什么去走廊说你想跟Joey...?对! 你知道的, 自从做了那个有关他的梦, 我就一直忘不了!而且也没什么大不了的, 大家都在"搞来can't get it out of my head! And what's the big deal, people do it all the time!Monica: Who? Who do you know that are friends that just fool around? Rachel: Ok, off the top of my head... Don and Janet.Monica: Who, who are they?Rachel: I know them from work.Monica: Both of them?Rachel: No, one of them...Monica: Which one?Rachel: I don't know, what were the names I just said?Monica: Rachel, things can get incredibly complicated.Rachel:All right, all right, you're right, I won't do anything with Joey, I just thought that we (Joey enters the hall) Ok so that would be two cups of tarragon, one pound of baking soda and one red onion? (Joey enters his apartment)Monica: What the hell are you cooking!Opening credits[Scene: Central Perk, Ross enters]Ross: Hey!Monica: Hey!Chandler: Hey!Ross: Hey, you guys won't believe what I have to do for work today. Chandler:Yes, but, Ross you chose a career of talking about dinosaurs. Ross:(covering with his hand Chandler's face, like pretending he's not there)(to Monica) There're these two professors who are joining my department and I have to meet them here and show them around campus. Monica: What's so bad about that?Ross: It's I just know they're gonna be a couple of windbags wearing tweed jackets with suede elbow patches.Monica:(fingering her elbow): Ross?Ross:(looking his elbow, where there's a patch) These aren't suede.(a woman walks in)Charlie:(to Gunther) Excuse me, I'm looking for someone. You don't, by any chance, know a Ross Geller?Gunther: No.Ross: Hi, hi, I'm Ross Geller.Charlie: Oh, hi. I'm professor Wealer.Ross: Oh, oh, that's, that's, that's nice.Charlie:It's a... It's good to meet you! Thank you so much for taking the time out to show me around.Ross: Oh, no, it's no big deal, I mean, if I weren't doing this I'd just, you know, be at the gym worki ng out.Monica:(to Chandler) Is he gonna introduce us?Chandler:(to Monica)No, I think we're just blurry shapes to him now. Charlie:And, by the way, I really enjoyed your paper on the connection between geographic isolation and rapid mutagenesis.Ross: Oh, ha, I wrote that in one minute.Monica:(to chandler) Twenty bucks says they're married within the month.Ross:(hitting Monica with his suitcase)(to Charlie)We should 搞去"!谁? 你认识的人里头有谁像你说的这样"搞来搞去"?Ok, 我首先想到的就是...Don和Janet谁, 他俩是谁?工作上的朋友两个都是?不, 其中一个...哪个?我忘了, 我刚才说的是什么名字来着? Rachel, 这么做太不妥当了好的, 你对, 你是对的我不会跟Joey做什么的, 我只是觉得我们...所以我们要用两杯龙嵩叶、一镑小苏打和一个洋葱?这能煮出来什么鬼东西来!嗨!嗨!你们绝不会相信我今天的工作是什么但是, Ross, 是你自己选择的教恐龙课程作为职业有两个其它的教授将要加入我的部门而我要在这儿等他们, 然后带他们参观校园这有什么可那么糟的?可我只知道他们两个是一个穿着斜纹软呢夹克另一个穿着肘部小山羊皮料子的怪人Ross?这不是小山羊皮不好意思, 我想打听个人你是否知道谁是Ross Geller?不知道嗨, 嗨, 我就是Ross Geller.噢, 我是Wealer教授噢, 噢, 这个, 这个, 好极了啊... 很高兴见到你!谢谢你肯花时间带我到处看看噢, 不, 这没什么...我是说, 不然的话, 我也只是去健身房健健身而已他打算介绍我们吗?不, 我想他现在眼睛里根本看不清我们而且, 顺便说一句, 我很喜欢你发表的《"地理学隔绝"与"快速突变说"的联系》噢, 呵, 我只是花了一个晚上随便写写的堵20块, 他们一个月内会结婚probably get going, you know, we got a lot of ground to cover. Charlie: Oh, ah, isn't there another professor that is supposed to come with us?Ross: I don't think so.Charlie: I'm pretty sure, professor Spafford from Cornell?Ross: Oh, well he's obviously late and the rule in my class is "if you can't come on time, then don't come at all". (pause) An option that many of my students use. (pause) Shall we?Charlie: You don't think we should wait for him?Ross: You know what, he's a big boy, I'm sure he'll find us, ok? Professor Spafford: Professor Geller?Ross: Oh, damn itJane:(from the answering machine) Hi Joey it's Jane Rogers, can't wait for your party tonight. Listen, I forgot your address, can you give me a call? Thanks, bye.Joey:(entering the room) Hey!Rachel: Hey!Joey: What's happenin'?Rachel: Yeah, it's a real shame you can't make it to that one-woman show tonight.Joey: Oh, I'd love to, but I gotta get u p so early the next day and so, you know me, work comes firstRachel: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah... (she plays the answering machine) Message:"Hi Joey, it's Jane Rogers can't wait for your party tonight" (Joey's upset and stops it)Joey:(yelling) Stupid Jane Rogers!!Rachel:(angry) You are having a party tonight??Joey: Kinda have a... a thing for the Days Of Our Life's people. Rachel: And you weren't going to tell us? How did you think you were gonna get away with that?Joey: I do it every year.Rachel: You do that every year??Joey:I didn't have to tell you that!! I'm stupider than Jane Rogers!! Rachel:Oh, that's why you got these tickets to that play, to get rid of us??Joey: Yeah...Rachel: And last year is that why you sent us to that medieval times restaurant?Joey: Yeah...Rachel: OH! And the year before that, when you set up that nighttime tour of that button factory?Joey:(Smiling) I can't believe you guys went for that one! Rachel: Joey, why wouldn't you invite us to your parties?Joey: You're fine, ok? But everyone else acts like an idiot around famous people!Rachel: Well, then so you just invite me...!Joey:(speaking aloud) Please, I was trying to be nice, you're the worst one! 我们也许该走了你知道, 校园还是挺大的噢, 不是还应该有一位教授和我们一起吗?有吗?我很肯定, 好像应该是来自Cornell的Spafford教授?噢, 那他显然是迟到了我课堂的规定就是"如果不守时, 就干脆别来了"我的许多学生也就是选择这么做的走吧?你不认为我们该再等等他吗?你知道, 他也不是小孩儿了, 肯定能找到我们的, 对吧?Geller教授?噢, 他妈的! ^_^嗨, Joey, 我是Jane Rogers, 很高兴参加你今天晚上的酒会还有, 我忘了你家的地址你能给我回个电话吗? 谢谢, bye嗨! 嗨!怎么了?真遗憾你不能来看今晚的"女人独角戏" 噢, 我也非常想去, 但你知道的, 我明天还要那么早起工作..你了解我, 工作优先嗯, 对, 对, 对..."嗨, Joey, 我是Jane Rogers, 很高兴参加你今天晚上的酒会"Jane Rogers真蠢!!你今晚将举办个酒会??是有一个... 请的都是《光辉岁月》的剧作人员而你根本不打算告诉我们?你就认为我们不会发现吗?我每年都这么做你每年都这么做??我不必告诉你这个!我比Jane Rogers还蠢!!噢, 所以你给我们门票, 就是为了摆脱我们??对...所以去年你请我们去中古餐厅? 对...还有前年, 你提议去徽章工厂夜间之旅? 我真不敢相信你们真去那儿了!Joey, 为什么你不要请我们参加你的酒会?你倒是没什么, 但其他人就像围着名人Rachel:Oh, Joey, come on! Please, please! Let me come, I will behave, I promise! I will behave! Please, please, please...Joey: Ok, ok! Fine! You can come, but don't tell anybody else. It's up on the roof at 8.Rachel:(yelling and jumping like a child) OH, a soap opera roof party!! I'm going to a soap opera roof party!! Oh my God, oh my God!! (realizing how she's behaving) And it's out of my system! [Scene: Ross, Charlie and Professor Spafford are sitting at the table in a restaurant]Professor Spafford:(speaking very slowly)And then my wife and I went on a cruise to the Galapagos. There was a sea food buffet you wouldn't believe. There were clams, and mussels, and oysters, and cracked crab, and snow crab, and king crab. It's a pity I'm allergic to shellfish. Ross:(very bored, he tries to avoid the conversation speaking to Charlie) So, where did you get your undergraduate degree? Professor Spafford: And that's not all I'm allergic to.Ross:(to Charlie) Oh, it's not over!Professor Spafford: I'm also allergic to peanuts, and cashews, and almonds, and filberts...Ross: So basically all nuts?Professor Spafford: Interestingly... no.Charlie: Kinda playing fast and loose with the word "interesting". Professor Spafford:If you'll excuse me I'm going to use the restroom. (he goes away)Charlie: O h my God!!Ross: I've lost the will to live.Charlie: Let's ditch him!Ross: What?Charlie: Come on, he's still in the bathroom! I'm begging you! Ross:Oh... ok, fine. But... ehm... I just have one question for you, ehm... (aping Professor Spafford)When we exit should we walk, or run, or prance, or stroll...Charlie: Stop it, stop it! He talks slow but he might pee fast! Ok, let's go!! (they run outside)[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment]Ross:(entering with Charlie) Oh, hey you guys! This is Charlie! Charlie, this is Phoebe and my sister, Monica.Phoebe: Hi!Ross: Yeah, Charlie is gonna be joining my department.Phoebe:Oh, you're a paleonthologist, too! (pause) Oh, ok, now, what do you think of Ranion's new theory of species' variegation in segmented arthopods?Charlie:Well, I think he's a little out there, but he does have some interesting ideas...Phoebe: Ah, ah.Charlie:(her mobile phone rings)Oh, I'm sorry. I'll take this. Excuse me. (she cuts herself off for a moment)Ross:(to Phoebe) Ranion's theory of species variegation? Phoebe: Yeah, I saw the article on your coffee table and I memorized the title to freak you out! 转的白痴!那就只邀请我一个...!拜托, 我只不过是想表达的委婉点儿,你最糟!噢, Joey, 拜托! 求求你了! 让我参加吧, 我不会那样的我保证! 不会的! 求求你了...好吧, 好吧! 那这样, 你来, 但别告诉其他人8点, 在屋顶上天哪, 屋顶的肥皂剧酒会!!我将要参加屋顶的肥皂剧酒会!!我的天哪! 我的天哪!!晚上的时候我不会这样的然后我和我的太太巡游到了加拉帕格斯群岛你们简直都不会相信, 那里有个海鲜自助餐有: 蛤蟆、还有沙蚕、还有龙虾、还有碎壳蟹、还有雪蟹、还有鳖遗憾的是, 我对贝壳类动物过敏那么, 你为什么大学的时候是肄业生?而且那并不是我所有过敏的东西噢, 原来还没完!我同样还对一下东西过敏:花生、还有腰果、还有杏仁、还有榛子... 所以基本上就是所有的坚果?"有趣"的是... 不好像在玩这个游戏不好意思, 我要去一趟洗手间噢我的天哪!!我简直失去了活着的信心我们快甩了他吧!什么?快, 趁他还在洗手间里! 我求你了! 噢... 行, 好吧. 但是... 嗯...我就是还有一个问题, 嗯...当我们逃走的时候, 我们是应该:用走的呢, 还是跑的呢, 是昂首阔步式的呢,还是四处流浪型的呢?够了, 停!他说话是慢, 但可能尿尿快! 好了, 逃吧!!各位, 这位是Charlie!Charlie, 这是Phoebe和我的妹妹Monica 嗨!对了Charlie将会加入我的部门噢, 你也是为古生物学家!Monica:(to Ross) So, did you two have fun?Ross: Oh my God, she's great! I mean, we-we have so much in common and she's just cool, and funny...Monica:And I don't know if you've noticed but she's a (aloud)HOTTY!! (Charlie looks at her) HI!Rachel:(she enters wearing a bath-robe)Hey... Hi you guys! Listen, you know what? I'm not feeling really well. I think I can't get out for the play.Ross: Really? Wh-what's wrong?Rachel: I don't know! I think it's kind of serious! Oh, you know...I was watching this thing on TV this morning about... Newcastle disease... and I think I might have it!!Charlie: Oh, Newcastle disease is a secretion borne virus that only affects chickens and... other poultry.Rachel: ... Ok, who is this?Ross: I'm sorry, Rachel, this is Charlie Wealer, she's a collegue. Rachel:Oh, hi! I would check your hand but... I'm sure you don't want to get my chicken disease!Monica: Hey, Rachel, Can-can I see you for a sec?Rachel: Sure! (Monica takes her apart) Oh...Monica: You're not sick!Rachel: What? Yes, I am!Monica:Ok, then, why are you... (she opens her robe revealing a nice black dress) all dressed up??Rachel: When you're sick, you do whatever you can to make yourself feel better! (she closes her robe)Monica: You just wanna stay home so you can make a move on Joey! Rachel: Oh, no, no! I heard you before, that is so not what this is! Monica: Ok, what is this?Rachel: Ok! (whispering) Joey is having a secret Days Of Our Lives party up on the roof and he sent you guys to the play to get rid of you!Monica:(aloud) WHAT?Ross:(looking at them) Wh-what's going on?Monica:Joey is having a secret Days Of Our Lives party up on the roof! Rachel: And he didn't want you guys to know about it but I came over here to tell you!!Charlie: I thought you came to say you were sick.Rachel: Ok professor or detective?Phoebe: Joey's having a party and he wasn't gonna invite us? Rachel: Yeah, and he does it every year! That's why he's sending you to that play! That's why he sent us to that medieval restaurant and to that button factory!Phoebe: And that horrible museum tour!Ross: No, I arranged that...(Joey enters, wearing a bathrobe)Joey:(sounds tired) Hey you guys, I'm turning in. Have fun. Phoebe: We know about your party Joey.Joey: What party?Monica: The game's over! Take off your robe! 嗯, 那么你对于Ranion的在嵌段关节中物种的彩斑的新理论有什么看法呢?其实, 我认为他有一点"过"了, 但他也的确有一些很有意思的观念...抱歉, 我接个电话, 不好意思Ranion的嵌段关节中物种的彩版理论? 哈, 我在你的咖啡桌上看到的这篇文章, 我默记住了标题想吓吓你!那么, 你们两个相处得愉快吗?天哪, 她简直太棒了!我是说, 我们-我们有太多的共同点了而且她很酷, 并且还很风趣...而且我不知道你是否注意到了她有多——靓!!Hi~嗨-哦, 你们在这儿知道吗? 我感觉我有点... 我想我不能去看戏了什么? 你怎么了?我也不知道, 但我觉得很难受!哦, 对了... 我早上在电视上看到那个..."纽卡斯尔"疾病...我想我可能有点这个症状!!"纽卡斯尔"疾病是一种分泌物传染性病毒, 它只侵袭鸡或者其他家禽... Ok, 这是谁?噢, Rachel, 这是Charlie Wealer, 我学校的同事Oh, 你好! 我很想和你握握手但是... 我想你不想被我的鸡类疾病传染!嘿, Rachel, 能过来一下吗?当然!你根本没病!什么? 不, 我有病!好, 那么, 你... 为什么穿得这么隆重??当你生病的时候, 你应该尽一切努力是你自己感觉舒服点!你只是想留在家里好趁机对joey有所行动!才没有! 之前我听进去了你所说的一切, 所以根本就不是这么回事!那是怎么回事?好吧!Joey准备在天台上开一个秘密的《光辉岁月》剧组酒会所以他让你们去看戏好避开你们!什么?怎么了?Joey:(looks perplexed and opens up his robe) Ok... I mean... Everyone: No!! Cover it up!!Joey:(to Charlie after covering himself up again) Nice to meet ya! (Charlie waves hesitantly and Joey leaves)[Scene: The Roof]Joey:(To some people) Hey! Hey alright! Hey, glad you could make it (Shakes a man's hand) Thanks for coming.Monica: Oh my God! Kyle Lowder!Kyle Lowder:(to Monica) Hi. (walks on)Monica:(Yells after him) I love you!Joey: Hey, that's why I didn't invite you. you have to calm down, alright... go, go get yourself a drink or something...Monica: Oh yeah that's what you want - my inhibitions lowered. Phoebe: Hey!Monica:(Excited)Oh my God, can you believe we are surrounded by all this? I can barely control myself.Phoebe:Monica, you might want to remember that you are married. Where is Chandler anyway? (Looks around)Monica:(Shocked) Oh my God! Chandler![Scene: The t heater. Chandler is sitting in the otherwise empty front row, looking around nervously]Chandler: Where the hell is everybody?(The lights dim and Chandler tries to get away but as the bitter lady comes on stage and starts yelling he promptly changes his mind and sits down)Bitter lady:(yelling) Why don't you like me?! Chapter One: My first period.[Scene: The Roof, Rachel is talking to a guy who hands her a tissue with something written on it]Monica:(to Rachel)Hey! Joey said no autographs! But if she's gettting one, then I want one too: To Monica. And none of this "best wishes" crap. I want "love".Rachel:Ok actually Mon, Matthew was just giving me his phone number. Monica:Oh man! If I had known I was coming to this party I never would have gotten married!Matthew Ashford: It was nice to meet you Rachel.Rachel: Nice to meet you.Matthew Ashford: Call me.Rachel:Ok(Matthew leaves)Monica:(yelling after him) We will!!Monica:(to Rachel) Look at you with all the guys!Rachel: Yeah!Monica: I guess you have forgotten all about Joey?Rachel: Yeah, well, I guess I have forgotten about Joey and clearly you've forgotten about Chandler!Monica: Please... Chandler is the love of my life... (At which point a man in leather pants walks by)... oooh leather pants! Have Mercy! (Follows the man in the leather)(cut to Ross and Charlie)Joey准备在天台上开一个秘密的《光辉岁月》剧组酒会!而且他不想让你们知道但我特意过来告诉你们!!我以为你是来说你病了你是教授还是侦探?Joey将要开个酒会却不邀请我们? Yeah, 而且他每年都这样!这才是他要我们去看戏的原因?这也是他请我们去中古餐厅的原因?去徽章工厂夜行的原因?还有那场恐怖讨厌的博物馆之旅?不, 那是我请的...嗨各位, 我就要上床睡觉了, 祝你们玩儿的愉快我们已经知道你的酒会了, Joey什么酒会?游戏结束了! 脱下你的长袍吧!好吧... 我是说...不!! (哈哈哈哈...^_^)快穿起来!!很高兴见到你!嗨!嗨你好!很高兴你来了, 多谢光临!噢天哪! Kyle Lowder!嗨我爱你!嘿, 这就是我不请你的原因! 冷静一点, 好不好...先去喝点什么吧...噢, 原来这就是你想要的——压抑与失落感嗨!天哪, 你能相信我们居然和这些人在一起吗?我几乎都不能控制自己了Monica, 你应该还记得你已经结婚了吧Chandler在哪儿?噢天哪! Chandler!大家都死哪儿去了?你为什么不爱我?!第一章: 我的第一次月经嘿! Joey说别去要签名!但如果她签了, 我也要一个就写献给Monica.别写"祝福"这种破玩意儿写——"爱"事实上 Mon, Matthew是在给我他的电话号码Ross:(to Charlie) So, eh... it's probably gonna be hard for you to leave Boston, huh?Charlie: Actually, I'm kinda happy to be leaving... I just broke up with someeone.Ross:Ooh... so sad... Still, it can't be easy for you to leave Harvard? Especially after working alongside a Nobel Prize winner like Albert Wintermeyer?Charlie: Actually, Alby is the guy I broke up with.Ross: You... you dated Albert Wintermeyer?Charlie: Yeah...Ross: ... And you called him Alby!? (laughs) I mean that's like... like calling Albert Einstein... er... Alby...Charlie: Yeah, well, he is a brilliant man.Ross: Eh, you think? I mean, you went out with a guy who improved the accuracy of radiocarbon dating by a factor of 10!Charlie:Yes! And while that is everything one looks for in a boyfriend, he had a lot of issues...Ross:(very interested)Oh! like what?! (Charlie looks at him confused, but smiling)Oh I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry... it's j ust that this must be what regular people experience when they watch "Access Hollywood".Charlie: Ok, you want the dirt? Alby was seriously insecure. I mean, he was really intimidated by the guy I dated before him.Ross: Who is intimidating to a guy who won the Nobel Prize? Charlie: A guy who won two.Ross:(a little suprised)Two? Wha...? Don't tell me you dated Benjamin HobartCharlie: Yeah... for three years.Ross: Oh my God! Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who hasn't won the Nobel Prize?Charlie:(smiling and thinks for a moment)... no... bu but there was my first boyfriend Billy.Ross: Oh yeah? no, no Nobel Prizes for him?Charlie: No, but he did just win the McArthur genius grant. Ross:Huh... huh... what a loser! Some more wine? (takes the half-full glasses and goes to the counter)Phoebe: Hey Ross!Rache: How is it going with Charlie?Ross:(sarcastically) Oh Great! After I finish my wine I'm going to blow my... eh. average-sized brains out.Phoebe: Oh, What's the matter?Ross: She... she only dates geniuses and Nobel Prize winners. Oh my God, at the chinese restaurant earlier today, I put chopsticks in my mouth and pretented to be a woolly mammoth.Rachel: I always loved that!!Ross:Of course you would, your brains are smaller than mine!! (Rachel nods) Man, I can't compete with the guys she goes out with, they are so out of my league! oh my God!Phoebe: Worse?Ross: Oh much, much worse. I did my impression of Joan Rivers as one 噢天哪! 要是我早知道我能来这个酒会, 我绝不结婚!很高兴见到你Rachel也很高兴见到你给我打电话好的我们会的!!看看这些小伙儿们!是啊我想这回你该可以忘了Joey了吧?嗯是啊, 但很显然你也忘了Chandler!拜托... Chandler是我一生的挚爱... . 噢皮裤!真走运！离开了波士顿你一定很难过吧?其实, 我倒是有点高兴...我刚和前男友分手噢... 真遗憾...不过, 离开哈佛还是很不容易吧?尤其是在像Albert Wintermeyer那样的诺贝尔得主旁边工作后?事实上, Alby就是我的前男友你和Albert Wintermeyer约会?对啊而你叫他Alby!我是说这好像... 简直就像叫爱因斯坦...Alby...呵, 对, 他是个挺有才气的人那当然! 我是说, 你是在跟一个改进放射性碳的准确性为十的因数的人约会啊! 那到是, 但是对于一个普通人找男朋友来说他有很多毛病...噢! 比如呢?对不起, 我不是在打听隐私只是一个一般人看"走进好莱坞"都会问的问题想听点八卦?Alby总觉得在我这里没有安全感我是说, 他总觉得我之前的男友比他强谁会比一个诺贝尔奖得主还强?一个得了两个诺贝尔奖的家伙两个? 哇噢...? 别告诉我你和Benjamin Hobart约会过对... 我们在一起三年噢天哪! 你跟没得过诺贝尔奖的人交往过吗?... 没有...噢, 我首任男友Billy没得过(Rachel is puzzled)Joey:(discarding all the remaining tissues one by one) Pass, pass, oh, pass, double-pass, pass...Rachel:(picking up the tissues) Why, why, what's wrong with these guys?Joey:Nothing major, it's just that, you know, they're not really good enough for you, and you deserve the best.Rachel: Joey, you're so sweet.Joey: That's true. But you know what, it doesn't matter because I already know who you're gonna go home with tonight.Rachel: Who (looks around)?(Joey motions for Rachel to lean in. She does so.)Joey: Me.Rachel:(surprised) What? (with a nervous smile) Really?Joey: Yes, 'cause we live together, that's a joke!Rachel: Oh! Screw it, I didn't get it! (they high-five)Joey: Gotcha.Rachel: Oh, Very funny... Joey.(Joey leaves. Rachel gulps down what's left of her drink and grimaces.) (Chandler walks in)Chandler:(to Monica) So, how did you enjoy the play?Monica: Oh my god, honey, I'm so so so so so sorry.Chandler:Well you should be. You missed the most powerful three hours in the history of the theater.Monica: You really liked it?Chandler: Oh yeah! I mean at first I hated it, but why wouldn't I, because as a man I've been trained (bitter woman's tone)not to listen! (pause) But after chapter 16: "fat, single and ready to mingle", I was uplifted.Monica: Oh really!Chandler: Oh yeah, I had no idea the amazing journey you go through as a woman! Tell me, tell me about your first period!Monica: No!Chandler: Did somebody sign your bra?Monica: So I got it when I was 13...[Scene: At the counter. Ross is sitting there, drinking. Phoebe approaches him.]Phoebe:Hey Ross! So listen, about you and the dinosaur girl, are you really just gonna let a couple of Nobel prizes scare you off? What is that, come on, a piece of paper?Ross: It's actually a $1,000,000 prize.Phoebe:Go Charlie! But my point is, ok so she dated them but she also broke up with them. Maybe she's looking to, you know, slum it with some average Joe PhD.Ross: Yeah, maybe. I do have my whole career in front of me. I mean, I can still win a Nobel prize. Although the last two papers I've written were widely discredited.Phoebe:You're so much more than just brains! You're sweet, and kind, and funny...Ross: And sexy. 所以想问问你们是不是在交往, 或是想要...噢, 没有,但我想说, 她只跟非常非常聪明的人约会我的SATs(美国的学业性测验)得了690分可以上新闻头条了对, 就签在胸罩的右边Monica!别担心Joe, 明年我不会来了!拿的是什么?几个男孩子给我的电话号码噢, 我看看哇, 还真不少啊!你是个小荡妇吗?我想是的我看看这些小丑是否合格这个家伙是戴的假发这个是加拿大的这个家伙是信什么教的这个教让你花5000美元提高到等级三但是我觉得根本没变化不行, 不行, 这个也不行, 还是不行... 这些又怎么了?到没什么大毛病但我觉得他们对你来说都不够好, 你应该得到最好的Joey, 谢谢我是说真的因为我知道谁是那个今晚应该带你回家的"最好的"谁?我!啊?真的吗?当然, 因为我们住在一起啊, 哈哈!当然!太幽默了!哈哈!你对这个戏剧有什么想法??噢亲爱的, 我-太-太-太-太-太-抱歉了你是应该遗憾, 因为你错过了戏剧史上最有意义的三个小时你喜欢那个戏?当然!我得说刚开始的时候我并不喜欢, 但这是因为身为一个男人，被一贯地训练成了不去聆听但到了第十六章: "肥胖与独身将融为一体" 之后我得到了提高我简直得到了升华Phoebe: Ok well give her a chance to see all of that!Ross: Yeah, you're right, thanks Pheebs, I'm gonna go find her. Phoebe: Good for you! And hey, I thought your paper on punctuated equilibrium in the Devonian era was top notch!Ross: Stop going through my stuff (walks away)!(Rachel approaches Monica)Rachel:(to Monica) Hey!Monica: Hey!Rachel:I just wanted to let you know I've changed my mind: I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna kiss Joey.Monica: No, you can't! Friends hooking up is a bad idea.Rachel: Please, what about you and Chandler?Monica: That's different! I was drunk and stupid!Rachel: Well hello (points to herself)!Monica:What about all the guys that you've got the phone numbers from? Why don't you just kiss one of them?Rachel: I could, I could but I don't want to! I want to kiss Joey! Monica: Alright (shrugs). I think it's a big mistake but it's your decision.Rachel:(pause) I'm gonna do it.Monica: And I can't stop you.Rachel: No.(Rachel goes look for Joey. She sees him and Charlie kissing passionately.)Ross:(to Rachel) Hey Rach, have you seen Charlie anywhere? (Rachel just stands there staring at Joey and Charlie in silence. After a while, Ross turns around and sees them.)Ross: I'm smarter than him!Closing credits[Scene: The theater. Monica, Phoebe and Chandler are sitting in the first line]Phoebe: Hey, thank you so much for these tickets, Chandler. Chandler:Oh well, this was a really impor tant experience for me, and I wanted to share it with you.Monica: Oh, you're so wonderful.Bitter woman: Why don't you like me! Chapter one: my first period. Chandler: Can't believe you guys bought that, enjoy your slow death (runs away). 是吗我从来不了解作为一个女人的旅程会是这么令人惊讶!给我讲讲, 你的第一次是什么样的!不!谁在你的胸罩上签了名吗?当时我13岁...Ross!嗨听着, 关于你那个恐龙女你真是就被几个诺贝尔奖吓倒了吗?那有什么的啊, 拜托, 不就是一张纸吗? 那是个100万美元奖金的奖项干得好 Charlie!但我要说的是...对, 她是和他们约会过, 但她不还是和他们分手了吗?也许她只想找一个普通的博士也许是的我的事业也很出色我是说....我也可以得诺贝尔奖尽管大家对我的前两篇文章普遍的产生怀疑态度你比只有聪明大脑的那些人强多了!你这么细心, 博爱, 还很幽默...而且性感那就给她个机会让她了解一下这些嘛! 对, 说得对, 谢谢 Pheebs, 我去找他祝你好运!嗨, 我觉得你的论文在德语地区里的标点平衡用的最好!别再看我的论文了我只是想让你知道我改变主意了!我要行动了, 我要去亲Joey!不, 你不能这么做! 朋友搞在一起决不是什么好事儿那你和Chandler又是怎么回事儿?那不一样! 我喝醉了而且蠢!嗨! 亲爱的!那些个你电话号码的小伙儿的?你就不能去亲他们中间的一个?我能! 但是我不想要他们! 我只想要Joey!好吧... 尽管我认为这是个错误, 但如果你坚持的话...我一定要这么做!我也不能阻止你?不能!嗨 Rach, 看见Charlie在哪儿了吗?我至少比他聪明吧!。
913 The One Where Monica SingsScene:Chandler and Monica'sChandler: Hey!Ross: Yeah! Yeah! OK! Sure! Look! Can we...can we talk about what happened here last night?Chandler:Sure! Just give me a second to get all huffy and weird like you! Do you believe that who ever did something over here last night did what they did or didn't do ...I mean come on!Ross: OK you...you really don't know what I am talking about? Chandler: No!Ross: OK! Last night after the party I saw R achel kissing that jerk from her office out on your balcony.Chandler: Ou r balcony? Seriously? That's so funny because I told Monica we should put lights on our balcony. And she said "No, no. It's too cold, nobody will go out there." And I said "Maybe if we put some light out there they will"Ross: Right that's why I came over to talk about. Hum...I saw Rachel kissing some guy on your balcony, even though there were NO LIGHTS ! Chandler: So are you gonna...talk to her?Ross:Why...Why should I? I mean if she wants to move on, that's fine! Chandler: You know when "That's fine" sounds true when someone yells it and spits!Ross: No I'm serio us. I mean she wants to date people? Fine! I don't care but...at least she could have told me. You know I...I've been putting my life on hold and just concentrating on Emma but if she wants to go out there kissing guys she barely knows, then so will I ! Very funny! Ross is gay! Ah! Ah!Chandler: No no no. Good. So you're moving on? Do you have any idea where you're moving?Ross: I don't know. I mean I have plenty of opportunity. Just just now there were some women at the coffee house smiled at me. And then the other day on the subway a woman "accidentally" sat on my hand. Chandler: Dude, don't rub my face in your crazy single life! Ross: Well, and how about this? There is an anthropologist at school who totally came on to me during the inter-departmental Potluck dinner.Chandler: Why did I get married?!Opening CreditsScene:Central PerkJoey:Hey! Let me ask you guys something. I have a new headshot taken tomorrow right and the photographer said she thinks I should have my eyebrows waxed. Is that weird for a guy?Phoebe: Well it depends.Joey: On...? 913 Monica 飙歌嘿，你好吗!是! 是! 好! 当然好!你看! 我们能...能谈一下昨天在这发生的事吗?当然! 就给我一秒钟好让我变得象你一样气夯夯和怪兮兮的!你能相信那个谁昨晚在这做的事吗做了他们做的或没做的...我是说..拉倒吧!!好吧你...你真的不知道我在说什么? 不知道!好吧! 昨晚聚会后我看见瑞秋在你家阳台上和她办公室的那个怪人接吻. 我家阳台? 真的?这很好笑因为我告诉过莫妮卡我们应该在阳台上装些灯. 但她说不用,不用.那太冷了,没有人会去的. 然后我说如果我们安上灯他们就会对-这就是我来这要说的事.呵...我看见瑞秋在你家阳台上亲别人,即使那-黑灯瞎火 !那么你要跟她...谈谈了吗?为什么...我为什么应该? 我指如果她想找新的男朋友,没问题!你知道啥时候"没问题"听起来象真话,就是当你连喊带喷的时候!我是认真的.我是说她想跟别人约会?好呀!我不介意...起码她应该先告诉我. 你知道我...我一直搁置着我的(感情)生活而把所有精力放在艾玛身上但如果她想出去和根本不熟的男人在阳台上亲热,那么我也会的!非常可笑!罗斯是同性恋!哈!哈!不不不.很好.那么你打算找个新的? 你想好了找什么样的吗?我不知道.我是说我有许多机会.就刚才在咖啡店里有个女的冲我笑. 还有那天在地铁里一个女的"不小心"坐在我手上.老兄,别用你疯狂的单身生活刺激我!Rachel: Or...I could call in sick and not deal with it at all... Phoebe: Wow! Five-month maternity leave, you're back for four days, kiss a co-worker, call in sick, they are lucky to have you! Scene:Beauty salonSalon girl: HiJoey: Hey. I'm here for my eyebrow appointment.Salon girl: Name?Joey: Chandler Bing.Salon girl: Ok. Very good. Have a seat right over here Mr. Bing and Sonia will be right with you.Joey: OK Thanks. (Joey touches the hot wax). I touched the stuff Sonia: I'll take care of itJoey: Thanks. Do you get a lot of guys in here?Sonia: Oh absolutely.Joey: Oh good...Sonia: Are you looking to meet somebody?Joey: All right let's just do this.Sonia: We'll get to the wax in a minute. First I want to tweeze some of the strays, ok? This may sting just a little bit...Joey:Please I have an extremely high threshold...Holly Mother Of God! My face! My face! I'm all right! I'm all right! Just a little bit of shock that's all but I'll be fine you can go again. I'm OK (He tries to avoid the tweezers) Dammit! Woman! How Hoooow!Scene:Central PerkChandler: Hey it's the most eligible man in NY. How's the mov ing on going?Ross: Not well. I went on the subway again and someone did sit on my hand but that person was neither female nor wearing pants. Chandler:W ell maybe you're going about this the wrong way. You know I mean think about it. Single white male, divorced three times, two illegitimate children. The personal ad writes itself....Ross: That's funny...Do you think you'll ever work again? Chandler: What are doing? You know I can only dish it out!Ross: I can't believe Rachel just moved on and didn't say anything to meChandler: Maybe she didn't move on, you know...maybe that kiss was just an impulsive one-time birthday thingRoss: No no, about a month ago she gave her number to some guy in a bar.Chandler: Did she go out with him?Ross: No. When he called, I...I threw the message away. Chandler: Ah! The high road...Ross: You know what? Enough! Enough talking! I have to get moving! Hey check out those two blondes over there! Hey come with me! Chandler: Are you trying to get everybody divorced?Ross: You don't have to do anything. It will just be easier if it is 你吻了他?是的.聚会后,在阳台上还有...等等一下.我一直在家里.我怎么会错过呢?是在聚会结束后,你可能应该在熨包装纸.哦对呀...那么你们怎么会接吻呢?你知道我们是单独在一起而且他还对我很好还有,噢他给了我这条围巾...我以为你恨他?你要知道,爱和恨只是一线之隔,而且原来那条线...是条围巾!那么你考虑和这家伙开始交往?不知道. 这太复杂了.我和他一起工作,你知道我有孩子, 还有罗斯,我只是..我不知怎么办我还得在10分钟后到办公室见盖汶. 听起来你得先想想你想要什么,和盖汶谈谈,还有你一定得和罗斯谈谈或者...我可以请病假然后什么都不用管了...哇噢!五个月的产假,你刚上班4天, 吻了个同事,又请病假,他们请你可真走运 !!嗨嘿.我是约好来做修眉的.名字 ?钱德·冰.很好. 冰先生请坐那边索妮娅马上就会来为你服务.好的谢谢.呵..我碰了那东西我来处理吧谢谢.你们这有很多男的来吗?噢当然.噢很好...你想认识什么人吗 ?好啦-我们就开始吧.我们一会再用蜡. 首先我要拔掉一些在边上的，好吗?这可能会有点疼...请吧我很能忍的圣母玛利亚啊!我的脸! 我的脸!!the two of us, like college, remember? You...you break the ice with some kind of jokes so that they know you're the funny one and I swoop in with some interestin g conversation, so they'll see that I'm the brilliant, brooding, sexy one...Chandler: I thought I had to make the jokes!Ross: Don't you have to be at work?Chandler:Oh come on! Hello! Hi! My name is Chandler, here's my friend Ross right here, and we were wondering you know if you're up for it. We only need six more people for a human pyramid...Swoop! Swoop! Ross:Hum...So...hum...Oh hey I noticed you were reading the paper...another flood in Europe? Here's a question: "Would you... would you rather drown or be burnt alive?"Blonde girl: Sorry...we were just leavingChandler: We still got it!Scene:Ross'Rachel: Who is it?Gavin: Gavin! I brought you some soup.Rachel: Why?Gavin: I heard you were sick...Rachel:Oh! Right! Yeah! Hold on, I'll be just clean up in here a little bit! Hello GavinGavin: I missed you at work today. How are you feeling?Rachel: I a not gonna lie to you, I'm pretty sickGavin: Oh! Good! Because I was having a totally paranoid moment when I thought you called in sick to avoid me.Rachel: Oh no no noGavin: So I had fun last nightRachel: So did IGavin: Exactly how contagious is this thing you have? I mean is it a cold for standing on the balcony or did a monkey bite you? Rachel: It's just a coldGavin: Do you have fever? Let me see. Hum...Rachel: What? What's the matter?Gavin: What's Ross doing to you on that picture?Rachel: Oh he's dusting me with a fossil brush. He thought it would be funny.Gavin: Right. Right. Ross. So what's the deal with you guys? I don't want to get in the middle of anythingRachel:Oh you're not. You're not gonna get in the middle of anything, don't worry about Ross really, really. (She hears the noise of the key in the lock) Oh! Hide! That's Ross! Hide! Hide!Gavin: Yeah! But you said not to worry about...Rachel: I lied! And I'm not sick! Just stay behind the curtain! Molly: Hi!Rachel: Oh! Molly! You're not Ross.Molly: No I'm here to take Emma to your mother's, remember? Rachel: Right, right, yes! 我没事! 我没事!就是有点吓着了,我不会再这样了你继续吧. 我没事该死的 ! 女人!! 唔唔唔噢 !嘿纽约最有资格约会的男人.新伴儿找得怎么样了?不好.我又去了地铁,确实有人坐在我手上了但那个人既不是女人也没穿裤子也许你选错方法了.你知道我的意思. 单身白人,离异三次,两个非婚生孩子. 个人广告自己就出来了...很有趣...你想过你什么时候才会有工作吗 ?你在干什么 ?你知道我光会说别人!我无法相信瑞秋就这样开始找新伴却什么都不跟我说也许她没有,你知道...可能那个吻只是生日的一时冲动不不,一个月前她还把电话号给了酒吧里认识的一个男人.她和他约会了吗?没有.他来电话时,我...我把留言给扔了.啊! 你可真高尚啊!你知道吗?够了!说够了!我必须开始找新的了!嘿看看那两个金发的!嘿和我一起上 !你打算让所有人都离婚吗?你什么都不用做.如果是两个人事情会容易点, 像在大学时,记得吗?先是你...你用笑话打开僵局这样她们知道你是有意思的那个然后我用一些有趣的谈话切入,这样她们就知道我是聪明,有内涵性感的那个...我还以为我是会开玩笑的人!你现在不应该在工作吗 ?噢别这样 !你好!嗨!我叫钱德,这是我的朋友罗斯, 我们想知道如果你们愿意.我们还差六个人就可以叠罗汉了...切入 !! 切入 !!呵恩...那么...呵恩...噢嘿我注意到你们在读报纸...欧洲又发洪水了?Molly: Don't panic!Rachel: What?Molly: There is a man behind your curtain. I have a mace in my purse. Rachel: No! That's OK! That's OK! That's OK! No no no no! This is my business associate Gavin. He's just being silly. Gavin come out from behind that curtain!Gavin: Hi! Gavin! Please to meet you. It was my idea to stand there. Molly: Hello! I just go and get Emma.Rachel: OK.Gavin: So hum...Why did I have to hide?Rachel: I thought it was Ross.Gavin:So what if it was? I thought there was nothing going on between you two...Rachel: There isn't. There is totally isn't.Gavin: You hear a key in the hole and you jump like a young bronco coming out of a chute for the first time. I used to be a rodeo clown. Rachel: All right. Look. Gavin...I...I guess I felt guilty that you were here, which I shouldn't. You know Ross and I are not in any relationship but...he is the father of my child, and you know we do live together and plus there is just so much history...you know it's just...I don't know, I'm sorry, I'm just all over the place. Gavin: It's OK. I know it's probably not my place but can I give you a piece of advice?Rachel: YesGavin: I think you should talk to Ross about all this.Rachel: People keep saying that. Oh I'm sorry GavinGavin: Don't be. It's just bad timing.Rachel: So seriously...rodeo clown?Gavin: One of the best, ma'am, one of the best...Scene:Mike's piano barPhoebe:"No time for losers, 'cause we are the champions of the world...!" Thank you!(Mike kisses Phoebe)Mike: Oh she's my girlfriend. That's not just how we do it here. I got to get a break and when we come back we've got Kenneth singing "I touch myself"...I'm not here to judge!Phoebe: Hi hi...Oh you have got to sing.Monica: No I told you I can't.Phoebe:But you would have so much fun and you have a really nice voice. Monica: What have you heard me sing?Phoebe: All the time when you're cooking.Monica: What?Phoebe:Yeah you're always singing "Yummy yummy yummy, I've got love in my tummy"Monica: Yeah I do rock that one.Phoebe: OK so isn't there a little part of you that wants to get up there? 我有个问题 :你是...你是宁愿溺死还是被火烧?对不起...我们正打算走魅力不减当年!谁呀?盖汶! 我给你带了些汤.为什么 ?我听说你病了...噢!对!是的!等会,我得收拾一下!你好盖汶我在公司很想你. 你觉得怎么样 ?我不想说谎, 我病的很重噢!很好!因为我一直在惶恐不安我还以为你请病假是为躲避我.噢不不不我昨晚很开心我也是你的病传染力有多强? 我是说是因为站在阳台上而感冒的还是猴子咬了你?就是感冒你发烧了吗?让我看看. 呵恩...什么? 怎么了?罗斯在那照片里对你做什么呢 ?噢他在用考古刷为我扫尘.他认为那很有意思.对了. 对了. 罗斯.那么你们俩是怎么回事?我不想插足噢你没有.你没有插足,别担心罗斯的事, 真的.噢! 藏起来! 是罗斯!藏起来! 藏起来!好 ! 但是你说不用担心...我说谎了!我也没病!就呆在窗帘后面! 嗨 !噢 ! 茉莉 ! 你不是罗斯.不是我来把艾玛送到你妈那去,记得吗?对了, 对了, 是的!别慌 !什么 ?你窗帘后有一个男的.我包里有防狼喷雾.不 ! 没事 ! 没事 ! 没事 !不不不! 他是我的工作伙伴盖汶.他就是在犯傻.Monica:Just a little but...it's just so scary! I don't even know what I would sing...Mike: Well I've got a book around...Monica: "Delta Dawn"Scene:Central PerkRoss: Hi! I could help not notice, but that's an unusual necklace Woman: You already hit on me an hour agoRoss:Right, so that's a firm "no". I cannot believe this, I just keep striking out.Chandler: I don't get it neither, I mean you're obviously desperate, you're asking women how they want to be killedRoss:This is great. Rachel's gonna keep kissing guys until she finds the one she wants and I'm gonna die alone.Chandler: By drowning or...?!Michelle: Why would he break up with me?Her friend: I don't know sweetie.Michelle: All I ever wanted was just love him and have him love me back. I mean, am I so unlovable?Chandler: Well...Ross: I know! (he stands)Scene:Piano barMike:All right, that was Kenneth with his much too literal rendition of "I touch myself". Coming up next we've got Monica singing "Delta Dawn".Monica: Wait wait! I can't sing in front of all these people. Phoebe:Just pretend they're not even here! It's OK Monica, when that spotlight hits you it so bright you won't see anyone anyway. Monica: Hi! I'm Monica and I'm gonna be singing "Delta Dawn" "Delta Dawn, what's that flower you have on? Could it be a faded rose from days gone by? ..."Phoebe: Can you totally see through her shirt ?Mike: Like an X-Ray. Bad day not to wear a bra.Monica: "To take you to his mansion in the sky-y?"Scene:Monica and Chandler'sJoey: Hey, I need your help.Chandler:Wow, it seems serious. What seems to be the problem, Ashley Judd?Joey: Look, I'll get new headshot taken, all right, so I want to get my eyebrows shapedChandler: I am sorry, moment to make fun of that, please!Joey: I may be a sissy but I can still pound you into the ground. All right, it hurts so bad, I could only let her do one eyebrow and now... they don't match!Chandler: It's like a baby caterpillar chasing its mama!Joey: All right, look, you got to help me out, ok? Look, I have the 盖汶从窗帘里出来!嗨! 盖汶!很高兴认识你.站在那是我的主意.你好!我去抱艾玛.好的.那么呵恩...我为什么得藏起来?我以为是罗斯.那么如果是他呢 ?我以为你们之间没什么...是没什么.真的什么也没有.一听见钥匙声,你跳起来的样子就像匹第一次从厩里跳出来的小野马一样.我曾做过驯马小丑.好吧. 你看.盖汶...我...我想你在这让我有负罪感,而我本不该有的.你知道罗斯和我没有在谈恋爱...他是我孩子的父亲, 你知道我们住在一起,还有就是我们有太多过去...你知道...我不知道,对不起, 我就是还很在意这一切.没什么.这话我不知当讲不当讲,但我能给你点建议吗?好的我觉得你应该和罗斯谈谈这事.大家一直这么说.噢对不起盖汶不要. 只是时机不对.那么说真的...驯马小丑?我是最好的一个, ma'am, 最好的... No time for losers'cause we are the championsof the world~~~~噢她是我的女朋友.不是说人们在这都这样.我要休息一下然后我们回来轮到肯尼斯唱"我摸自己"...我不是来这评价别人的!噢你就唱唱吧.不我告诉你我不能.但你会非常开心的,而且你的声音很棒.你什么时候听过我唱歌 ?你做饭时总在唱.什么?是的你总是唱"Yummy yummy yummy,magic marker, I want you to fill in the skinny one so I don't look stupid for my pictures.Chandler: Ok. First of all, this is green!Joey: What the hell am I supposed to do!Chandler: All right, I will help you out but you have to promise me you will not tell anyone what I am about to tell you.Joey: What, what.Chandler: Ok, you know how most kids get their allowance from mowing the lawn or taking out the garbage, well I earned mine by plucking the eyebrows of my father and his "business" partners.Joey: Oh my God!Chandler:Yeah, well, I guess you don't need my help Victor Victoria! Joey:Ok all right, no, no, no, no, I do, I do, I do, I need your help, but Chandler I don't know if I can take anymore plucking. It hurts so bad!Chandler: Oh, not with my combination of ice cubes, aloe Vera and my gentle self-loathing touch.Scene:Piano BarMonica: "Take me to the mansion in the sky-y". I am sorry, the song is over. Did you see me out there?Phoebe: Every little bit of you!Monica: I can't believe I did this. I can't believe I'm singing for the people, and they liked me! Hey, did you hear that one s houting "look at those tips"! I mean, did I really help you get a lot of tips? Mike: Sure.Phoebe: Mon', not that you didn't sound good, but...Monica: Good? Didn't you hear them...I was great! Thank you so much for making me do this. That's is the best gift ever.Mike: Also a good gift? Underwear.Scene:Ross'Michelle: Thank you so much for letting me do this. Public bathrooms freak me out, I can't even pee, let alone do anything else. Ross: But, what's great is that you don't mind talking about it. Michelle: It's so amazing I met you the same day that Eric broke up with me, because it's like you lose a boyfriend, you get a boyfriend. Ross: Uh-ah!Michelle:No don't worry, this is not some rebound thing. I am totally over Eric.Ross:(pfew). Good choice Ross.Rachel:Oh, hey! Hi, there you are, I've been looking for you everywhere!Ross: Oh, yeah, hello, well, now, here I am.Rachel: Listen, my mum is not bringing the baby back until nine o' clock. So I was hoping you and I could have a chance to kind of talk?somebody here?Ross: Oh, yeah, yeah that's Michelle. I've got love in my tummy"对呀我确实摇滚过那首.那么你心理没有点想上去唱的意思吗 ?有一点但是...我太害怕了!我甚至不知道该唱什么...我手边有歌本...Delta Dawn嗨! 我没法不注意,你的项链真是不寻常你一个小时前就跟我搭过讪了好吧,那这回答是个坚决的"不行".我不能相信, 我竟然连续被撅.我也不明白,你是明显的饥渴,你甚至让她们选死法这太棒了. 瑞秋就会继续吻别人直到她找到个她要的,而我就会孤独到死.是溺死还是...?!为什么他要和我分手 ?我不知道亲爱的.我想要的就是爱他然后让他也爱我.我是说,我就这么不可爱吗?唉...我知道 !好吧,这就是肯尼斯的有丰富文字描述的歌"我摸自己".下一个我们欢迎莫妮卡演唱"Delta Dawn".等一下!我不能在这么多人面前唱.就假装他们不在这 !没事莫妮卡, 聚光灯打下来时会非常亮这样你也就不会看见别人了.嗨! 我是莫妮卡我要演唱的是 "Delta Dawn"Delta dawn,what's that flower you have on? Could it be a faded rose from days gone by?你能完全看透她的衬衫吗 ?就像X-光一样.不带胸罩的倒霉日子.Take you to that mansion in the sky~ 嘿,我需要你的帮助.哇噢, 看起来很严重.看看发生什么事了,阿施丽·嘉德?我有一场面部特写的戏,Rachel: Who?Ross: Oh, just this woman I've been seeing.Rachel: You've being seeing someone?Ross:Yeah, didn't I mention that? Yeah, I mean, we haven't being going out for too long, but rather there is this amazing connection between us. I-I mean, in fact just before you came in she called me her boyfriend. I thought it was a little too soon, but it was also, you know, it was kinda nice.Michelle: What are you taking amoxicillin for?Ross: How great is this? You are already comfortable enough to look through my stuff. Oh, I am sorry Michelle, that's my roommate, Rachel. Rachel: Hi, and I am also Emma's mother.Michelle: Ah, who is Emma?Ross: I told you about my daughter.Michelle: This is your daughter? I can be your new mummy!Scene:Monica and Chandler'sChandler: And done!Joey: Oh my God! I didn't feel a thing ! Hey, are you still looking for a job because you can tweeze circles around that sadistic bitch at the saloonChandler: Thanks. You wanna see what it looks like?Joey:Yeah, yeah. Hey, they totally match! They look great! They look great! How you doing!Chandler: Yeah, yeah, I think it looks pretty good. I was a little worried I was uncovering a birthmark right about there, but it turned out to be a little piece of chocolate.Joey: Thank you so much.Chandler: No problem.Joey: Listen that's a pretty girly hour we just spent, we should add some manly make up for it.Chandler: Yeah.Joey: Comb my eyelashes.Sce ne:Piano BarMonica:Ok, for my next song I think I'll sing something a little more upbeat. All right? Oh, how about the Pointer Sisters' I am so excited. And make it bouncy!Phoebe: Oh you'll probably take care of that on your hands. Chandler:I am sorry I am late. You'll understand whe n you'll see Joey. Monica: Honey, you're just in time, I'm about to sing another song! Chandler: Really? In front of all this people?Monica: And they love me!Chandler: Oh my God!Phoebe: Yes, she gives the people what they want.Monica: All right, watch!Monica:"Tonight's the night we're gonna make it happen, tonight we'll put all other things aside. Give in this time and show me some 所以我想修修我的眉毛对不起,得让我先笑话你一会,求你了!就算你是个二仡子我还是会把你打倒在地.好吧, 那太疼了,我只能让他弄一个眉毛,现在...他们不对称!就像小毛毛虫在追赶它妈妈!好吧,你得帮我,好吗?你看,我有标记笔, 我想让你把窄的那个画画,这样在屏幕里我就不会看起来很傻.好. 首先, 这是绿色的!我究竟该怎么办!好了, 我会帮你但是你得保证你不会把我要告诉你的告诉别人.什么事, 什么事.你知道大部分孩子靠割草或倒垃圾赚零花钱,我是靠给我爸和他的"商业"伙伴拔眉毛赚钱.噢上帝!好吧, 我猜你不用我帮你了维柯多·维多利亚!不,不,不,我需要,我需要,我需要,我需要你帮忙,但钱德我不知道我还能否受得了拔眉毛. 太疼了!噢, 不会的.用我的配方,冰块,库拉索芦荟和我温柔的,自己很讨厌的触摸.Take you to that mansion in the sky~ 对不起, 但这首歌结束了.你们看见我在那唱了吗?你的每一个细小部分!我不能相信我做到了.我不能相信我给人们唱歌,他们竟喜欢我!嘿, 你听见那个人喊看那小费（实际是xx）呀!我是说,我真的帮你得了很多小费?当然.曼, 你是唱的很好, 但是...好? 你没听见他们...我真太棒了 !非常感谢你们让我唱歌.这真是最好的礼物.同样好的礼物?内衣.非常感谢你让我来这.affection..."Chandler: Are those my wife's nipples?Phoebe: Oh? Isn't that funny? I didn't see that before, I wouldn't have let her go up again.Chandler: I gotta stop this.Monica: Oh, who cares, they still love me! "I am so excited..." Chandler: You, touching yourself, out!Scene:Ross'Rachel: Wow. She does that a lot!Michelle: Ross, you didn't tell me you were a doctor!Rachel:What, what, wait a minute! You haven't even told her you were a doctor, yet? How long have you known her, like an hour? Michelle: Actually about an hour and a half.Ross: I told you it wasn't long, but there is an amazing connection between us.Michelle: You feel that too? Oh, I thought that was just me! Ross: Are you kidding?Michelle: Hey, do you want to go away this weekend?Ross: We'll see.Rachel: Ok, Ross, what's going on here, are we just bringing strange women back to the apartment now?Ross: I don't know, are we just kissing guys on balconies? Rachel: How do you know about that?Ross: Through the magic of sight! I was here, putting our child to sleep...Michelle: Emma.Ross:When I happened to look through the window and I see you kissing a guy you know, for what? A week?Rachel: Oh, that's what this is all about? Did you bring her up here to get back at me?Michelle: No, actually, see I had to pee, 'cause I can't use public bathrooms because the doodie parasites.Ross: Ok, Michelle, it's time to go.Michelle: Well, call me!Ross: Ok.Michelle: No, wait, you don't have my phone number!Ross: You know, if it's meant to be, I'll guess it. Bye, bye. Rachel: Score.Ross: Oh, I am sorry, did you not like her, because I was hoping that we could come to one of your kissing parties on the balcony. Rachel: Oh God, I can't believe you're making such a big deal about this. It was one kiss, one guy, one time!Ross: Oh, really!Rachel: Yeah.Ross: Oh, really!Rachel: Oh yeah.Ross: What about the guy from the bar? 我很怕用公共厕所,我甚至不能小便,更别说其他的了. 但是,很高兴你不介意谈论这些事. 我能在与艾里克分手的同一天遇到你这真太奇妙了,因为这就像你失去个男朋友,你又得到一个.是吗!别担心,不是什么报复之类的事. 我已经把艾里克忘了.选的好罗斯.噢, 嘿! 嗨,你在这,我到处找你! 噢,是吗,好啊,现在,我在这.听着,我妈9点才会把孩子送回来. 所以我希望我们能有个机会..有人在这?噢,是的, 是米切尔.谁?噢, 就是我最近约会的人.你在和别人约会?是呀, 我没提到过 ?我们还没约会很久,但是我们还是很有缘份的.我是说,实际上在你进来之前她还说我是她男朋友.我认为这有点太快了,但这也,你知道,也不错.你为什么要服阿莫西林?这有多好啊? 你已经能很自然的看我的东西.噢, 对不起米切尔,这是我的室友, 瑞秋.嗨, 我还是艾玛的妈.呃, 谁是艾玛?我告诉你我的女儿了.这是你女儿?我可能做你的新妈咪!好-了!哦上帝!我什么感觉也没有!嘿, 你还在找工作吗,要知道你可比沙龙里那个虐待狂强多了. 谢谢. 想看看是什么样的?嘿,完全对称!它们看起来很好!它们看起来很好!你好吗 !是呀, 我想他们看起来不错.我还想是不是在这发现了胎记,Rachel: What? Who?Ross: The guy you gave your number to.Rachel: Whoa, how do you know about that?Ross:Because he called here looking for you. So don't tell me this...this kissing this guy from work is a one time thing, ok? You've been out there in bars and on balconies for over a month now. And you didn't even have the courtesy to tell me.Rachel: Why didn't I get that message?Ross: What?Rachel: From the guy in the bar, why didn't I get that message? Ross: Because I folded it up and put in my pants pocket. Do you...do you not look there?Rachel: Ross?Ross: I never gave it to you.Rachel: Why?Ross: I don't know.Rachel: Oh God. You know what? Who you think you are? Who are you to decide what messages I should or should not get?Ross: Who am I?Rachel: Yes.Ross: I am the guy who's taking care of our baby while you're out at bars meeting guys!Rachel: Oh my God, I cannot believe this. You know I actually came in here hoping to have a mature conversation with you About us! But I can't do that with so meone who hides my messages and brings crazy women back to my apartment!Ross: None of the sane ones wanted to come back with me! That's not the point. Ok? The point is you...you are the one Who moved on and didn't tell anyone!Rachel: Oh, Ross, this is just so messed up! What's wrong with us? You know when people hear about our situation they Always ask, 搘hat, you live together but you're not a couple? And you have a baby, isn't that weird??And I say 揘o. You know what, it's not, because it works for us!?But you know this doesn't work. In fact this is the opposite of working!Ross: Uh, clearly.Rachel: And you know, we said that we would, we would live together as long as this makes sense. An maybe this, you know, Just doesn't make sense anymore.Ross: Yeah, maybe not. So what you wanna do?Scene:Joey'sJoey: Hey!Rachel: Hi. Can Emma and I live here for a while?Joey: Ha, oh, of course.Rachel: Thank you.Joey: Your eyebrows look weird.Ending Credits 但是原来那是一片巧克力.嘿钱德, 非常感谢.没问题.我们刚才那个小时过得太女人了,我们该找点男人干的事来弥补一下.是的.给我卷睫毛.好的,下一首,我要唱个轻快点的歌.好吗?噢, 指针姐妹的"I am so excited"怎么样.弹的快活些!噢可能靠你自己就够了.（让观众快活）抱歉我迟到了.看到乔伊你就明白了.亲爱的,你来得正好,我正要再唱一首! 真的? 在所有人面前?他们爱我!噢上帝 !是的, 她给人们他们想要的.好吧, 看着 !Tonight, tonight,we're gonna make it happen. Tonight we'll put all other things aside.Get in this time andshow me some affection.那是我妻子的胸部吗?哦? 不可笑吗? 我刚才没看见,不然我不会让她再唱的.我得阻止她.噢, 管他呢, 他们还是很爱我!I'm so excited!你,摸你自己的,出去!哇噢. 她可冲了不少次了!罗斯, 你没告诉我你是个博士!什么,什么,等会儿!你还没告诉她你是博士? 你们认识多久了,一个小时?实际上是一个半小时.我说过我们认识时间不长,但是我们之间很有缘.你也这么想?噢,我还以为就我这么想! 你开玩笑?嘿,这个周末你想出去吗?我们再说.。
God, you're beautiful.Why are we fighting this?You know you want it to happen as much as I do.I want you. I need you.Let me make love to you.I don't wanna stand in the way of true love or anything..but I think a cantaloupe might hurt less.No, I'm rehearsing my lines.They're giving me a romantic story on Days of Our Lives.It's the first time my character's gotten one. I'm nervous. I want it to be good.I haven't seen you this worked-up since you did that dog-food commercial.. and you thought you were gonna be with a real talking dog.Yeah, that was a disappointment.You wanna come down to the set and tell me if I'm doing okay?- Are you serious? - Yeah.You just have to promise not to get thrown out again.- That was an honest mistake. - Right."Oh, my God. Is this the men's room? I feel so foolish.Have you always known you wanted to be an actor?"Yeah, that was an awesome day.The One With Rachels Dream22You guys wanna come eat dinner at the restaurant in the next few weeks? - I'd love to. - Well, you can't.- We're booked solid for the next month. - Well, I can't give you a massage.. because my license has been revoked again.- Phoebe, what happened? - Well, it was an accident, you know.It's a lot of oil and sometimes the hand just slips.So the restaurant's doing well, you say?It is so great. There are people lining up in the street..to taste my food. Saturday, there's a waiting list of 50 people.I know how that feels. Last semester, I had two students..who wanted to take my 1:00 class, but it was full.So they had to take my 5:00.That's not the same.Have I got a surprise for you. Pack your bags.Oh, no. You guys aren't supposed to get divorced for seven years.What? No, I'm taking Monica to a romantic inn in Vermont.Oh, good. Okay, good for you. Trying to recapture the magic.- So can you get out of work? - Honey, I can't.- Things are crazy at the restaurant. - You're really that busy?Yeah. I'm sorry, I really am.That's okay. I'll just try and reschedule.Hi, this is Chandler Bing. I made a reservation there..and I need to change it.What do you mean, it's nonrefundable? Well, can I just come some other time? Can't you make an exception?Tell them I'm a chef at a big New York restaurant.Tell them that in two weeks, I will once again be a masseuse in good standing. Look, this is ridiculous. I'm not paying for that room, okay?Well, thank you very much.Yeah, I'm going to Vermont.- Don't worry, use your travel insurance. - I don't have travel insurance. Well, this is what happens when people live on the edge.- Honey, what are you gonna do? - I'll go.Okay, I'll pick you up at 10.Oh, go with you?Oh, I can't go.Why don't you take Ross?Don't you think that'll be a little weird? I mean, two guys in a romantic inn? - No, not if the room has two beds. - I guess.It still seems a little.. "Moonlight boat ride"?!（银杯摄影棚）Joey, is this the bed where Olivia lost her virginity?I don't know, but one of the extras sure did.Listen, Rach. Thanks again for coming down to watch my scenes. Please, honey. Just the fact that you want me here to support you, I'm.. Oh, my God. Is that Christian Saunders? He is so gorgeous!And also, so gay.Well, in my head, he's done some pretty not-gay stuff.Well, at the Christmas party, him and Santa did some definitely-gay stuff. Joey? Joey, we're ready for you.Okay. All right, wish me luck.Okay. Not that you need it, but good.. God! Is that Chase Lassiter?- He's straight, right? - Rach, if you weren't here wondering..if these guys were gay, I don't know if I could do this.I'm sorry, you're right. I'm sorry. Good luck.On a bell, please. Quietly.And action!Drake, what are you doing here?Stopping you from marrying the wrong man..and making the biggest mistake of your life.- Get out. - You don't love him.What do you know about love?I know what I felt that night when we kissed under the bridge.- That kiss never happened. - Well, what about this one?Now, I told you to get out.Fine, I'll go.But let me ask you one question.- You look real familiar. Have we..? - Shh! He's asking her a question. Can you live the rest of your life never knowing what we could have been? - I don't have a choice. - Yes, you do.Yes, you do. I'm the one who doesn't have a choice because I..Because I can't stop loving you.- Don't say that. - Tell me to stop.Just..tell me to stop.- Cut! - No!Or, cut. You know, that's your call.- Everything was delicious. - Thank you.It was. The duck in particular was superb.Thank you.You haven't said anything.Actually, I do have one small complaint.Well, please, I welcome criticism.The musician right outside the restaurant is kind of a mood killer.What musician?What are you doing here?You said you had customers lined up in the street, so I'm here to entertain. - Great. - Yeah, it really has been great too.They must have seen me play before..because they requested a bunch of my songs.Yeah, "You Suck"..and "Shut Up and Go Home."Listen, Phoebe. You know how much I love listening to your music..- but.. - But what?This is kind of a classy place.Okay, say no more.Everyone!Classy, huh?Hi, Chandler Bing. I have a reservation.Welcome to the Chestnut lnn. Where are you joining us from?- New York. - The Big Apple.He's wound up. We had to stop at every maple-candy stand on the way here.I ate all my gifts for everybody.I'm sorry, there's no record of your reservation in the computer.- That's impossible. Check again, please. - Check again, please.- I'm sorry, it's not here. - It's not there.Let me get this straight. I called to try to cancel my reservation..was told it's not refundable. Then we drove six hours all the way up here..- and now we don't have a reservation? - I don't know what to say.She doesn't know what to say.Just give us the cheapest room you have.The only thing we have available is our deluxe suite. The rate is $600.- That's insane. - It's totally insane.Dude, let's drive home. We'll hit all the maple-candy stores on the way back.. and if they're closed, then maybe we'll tap a tree and make some ourselves. Does that room have a closet I can lock him in?- We'll take it. - Great.They are totally ripping us off! Three hundred dollars each?"Each?" I'm your date.So I pay for everything and have no sex.Oh, life before Monica.Dude, don't worry about it.I know how to make your money back. This is a nice hotel. Plenty of amenities. We just load up on those. Like those apples. Instead of taking one..I take six.Great. At $100 an apple, we're there.Come on, you get the idea. You know, we'll make our money back in no time. - Dude, you're shaking. - It's the sugar. Could you hold the apple?- Hi. - Hey.Joey, I gotta tell you, I have been thinking all day about that scene you did.I mean, you were amazing.You know, the writing was good. And the director's good.And my costar's good.But they're not as good as me!You have to tell me what happens tomorrow.I'm going over the script now. Wanna read lines with me?Me? Oh, I'm not an actress.- All right, I can ask Monica. - Screw her! That part is mine! Okay, so just from the top of the page right here.Okay.Hello, Drake. I'm surprised to see you here.- I can't believe you married him. - Well, what choice did I have? He was keeping my sister in a dungeon.So, what about us? Everything we feel for each other?It's over. You have to accept that.How can I, knowing I'll never hold you in my arms again..or touch your skin or feel your lips..knowing I'll never make love to you?How can I accept that I can never kiss you again..when it's all I can do not to kiss you right now?Kiss me.What?Kiss me.- Rach, it doesn't say that. - No, I'm saying it.- But.. - Just don't talk.Well, that's new.Hi, this is Ross Geller in suite 206.I've forgotten a couple of things.Could you have some complimentary toiletries sent up to my room? Thank you. Okay, a toothbrush, toothpaste..razor, mouthwash, deodorant, floss, Band-Aids, shaving cream, after-shave. And I feel like I'm forgetting something.Is there anything else you have that I haven't asked for already?Yeah, go ahead, send up some tampons.- What'd you get? - USA Today.Nice. Put it with the others.And I also got two more apples.We're four short of a bushel!God, I feel so alive. I love being in the country!Also, got these great salt and pepper shakers..- from the restaurant. - That's not cool.Dude, none of this is cool.Look, Chandler, you have to find the line between stealing..and taking what the hotel owes you.For example: A hair dryer, no, no.But shampoos and conditioners, yes, yes.Now, the salt shaker is off limits.But the salt..I wish I'd thought this through.I think I get what you mean, though. Like, the lamp is the hotel's..but the bulbs.. Oh, you already got that.Not my first time in a hotel, my friend.- Okay, how about this? - No, no, no.- You can't take the remote control. - Yes, but the batteries.Thank you. Thank you very much.- Let's celebrate with some maple candy. - No!At least tell me where you hid it.（中央咖啡厅）- Can I ask you a question? - Yeah.Have you ever had any..weird, romantic dreams?Let me think.When I was younger, I used to dream that I got married to Mayor McCheese. And on our wedding night, I ate his head.Okay.Well, this is like that..in no way.I had a dream last night that I wanted to kiss Joey.Wow! You mean like "kiss him" kiss him?Oh, yeah. I mean, it was pretty intense.- What brought that on? - I don't know.Maybe it had to do with the fact I saw him do a love scene.- A love scene? With who? - Olivia.Olivia?! I thought she was marrying Connor?!Oh, right. Real life more important.- You think my dream means anything? - I don't know.I mean, you saw him do a love scene.So maybe you don't have a thing for Joey. Maybe you have a thing for Drake. Well, it was Joey reading Drake's lines in the dream.Of course it was. Trust me, when it comes to psychology..I know what I'm talking about.I took two psych classes in college.You took the same class twice.- It was hard! - I know.- Hey. - Hi, Phoebe.Here, Monica, look what I got to wear when I play at your restaurant.Wait.Right? I think this might even class up "The Ballad of the Uncircumcised Man." Phoebe..maybe I wasn't clear before.I really love listening to your music here.But my restaurant, it's sort of an upscale place.Right, yeah, okay. I'll ask the butler to fetch my diamonds out of the vault. Phoebe, it's not what you wear.It's sort of your songs.I just don't think you should play at the restaurant anymore.Okay. Fine, I'll just..I'll take the hat back.There.Hey, so, you guys, the funniest thing happened at work the..My songs aren't good enough for your restaurant?Okay, we're still on that.- I didn't say they weren't good enough. - Then what's wrong with them? What, they don't go with your tiny portions of pretentious food?- Tiny portions? - Yeah, well, "Excuse me.I ordered the smoked salmon appetizer, but I can't see it. I can't see it."- Phoebe, it's not about quantity. - Well, it's not about quality.Oh, really? You wanna talk about quality?Have you ever heard of a "key"? It's what some people sing in.Well, at least all my songs don't taste like garlic.Yeah, there are other ingredients, Monica.So that's what we're doing.When I'm in a coffeehouse bopping along to one of your songs..I'm wearing earplugs.Earplugs or cloves of garlic?You know what? I take back what I said before.Keep playing at the restaurant, because with your music driving people inside.. my bar sales have gone up like crazy.What are people having, the garlic martini?So you wanna hear my work story?I'll save it.Here's your bill. We hope you enjoyed your stay.Oh, we did. And you still have all your lamps.- I didn't factor in the room tax. - Dude, don't worry about it.I found an unattended maid's cart. We're way ahead of the game.- Oh, my God. - What?There's something new in the bowl.- Look, we have enough. Just walk away. - No, but I want the pine cones.- There's a forest right outside. - It's not the same.- No, look. She's gonna see us. - No, she won't. I'm sly.Okay, go quick.Thank you for a delightful stay.My maple candy!It's just you. I thought someone was swinging a bag of cats against the wall.You'd better get back in that kitchen. The garlic's not gonna overuse itself.- Okay, you have to stop playing now. - Why?The only person my playing is bothering is you.- Oh, yeah? Let's settle this. Come on. - Get your garlic peelers off me.Excuse me? Excuse me?Hi, I'm Monica Geller. I'm the head chef here.Okay, I was actually expecting a little applause there, but whatever.Quick question. By a show of hands..how many of you were bothered by this woman's singing outside?Okay, okay. Well, I have a question.You can put your hand down.You made your point earlier when you spit in my guitar case.Okay, okay. How many of you enjoyed the music outside?Let me ask you this question. How many thought the music was fine..but not in keeping with the tone of the restaurant?Okay, well, who identified this restaurant's tone as "pretentious-comma-garlicky"? Okay, who thinks the food is delicious and a little pretension never hurt anyone? Okay, well, all right, who thinks the food is fine, the music was fine..but your evening was ruined by this incessant poll-taking?Excuse us.All right, here's a question.Who was so worried about her restaurant being fancy..that she made a big deal about her friend playing her music..and feels really bad about it now?Well, who was so stupid and stubborn..that she lashed out against her friend's cooking..which she actually thinks is pretty great?- I'm sorry. - I'm sorry too.Hey, you wanna stick around and I'll whip you up some dinner?Yeah, as long as it's free.The food here is ridiculously overpr..Who hopes the hand-raising thing is still cute enough that you won't hate me? - Hey. - Hey.Joey, do you have peanut butter on the back of your head?Oh, man. I thought I got it all.How..?How?I was making a peanut butter smoothie, right?I couldn't find this little plastic thingy that goes in the top of the blender.And I thought, "Well, you know, how important can that be?" Right?Turns out, very.Wow, definitely just Drake.- What? - How's it going with Drake?- I don't think it's going very well. - What?That scene I saw was so good.Well, I'm feeling really insecure about the one we're shooting tomorrow.Is this that thing you do when you say you're bad so I'll give you a compliment?A little.No, I really am worried. I have to make it convincing that I'm in love with Olivia. - So? - So I've never played that.Oh, honey, it can't be that hard. I mean, you've been in love before.Well, just once..with you.Okay. Well, this could be a little awkward.I'm just gonna blow past it.Well, look, can't you just use that method-actor thing..where you use your real-life memories to help you in your performance? What the hell are you talking about?All right, look, just try to remember how you felt when you were in love.. and think about that when you're playing the scene.Okay. Yeah, I think I can do that.Yeah. Okay, there's this party scene coming up.And Olivia and her husband are there..and all Drake wants to do is grab her and kiss her, but he can't.That makes me think about those times I wanted to grab you and kiss you.. but you didn't know, so I would just pretend everything was cool..but really it was killing me.Joey, you never talked about that before.Hey, you know what else I could use?There's this scene where Drake sneaks into Olivia's bedroom..and she doesn't know he's there, which never happened with us.I mean, he knows he shouldn't be there, but he just wants to look at her. You know?And I remember all those mornings before you even put on your makeup.. when I would think to myself, "My God, she is beautiful."And it hurt so much because I knew I could never tell you.But it was worth it just to be there looking at you.Thanks, dude. This is great!I got you something from Vermont.Besides tampons and salt?Oh, my God.Maple candy. That's so sweet of you.That's weird, it's empty.Hi, you guys. What's going on? You guys wanna hang out or..? Do you guys hear a buzzing?。
Guys! Guys! I've got great news. Guess what.- Monica's pregnant! - Really?Let's get past the moment.- What's your news? - Thank you.I got a job in advertising.Honey, that's incredible!Gosh, what's the pay like?Oh, come on, people.If I don't know who makes the most..how do I know who I like the most? Hi, Joey.It pays nothing. It's an internship.We have interns at Days of Our Lives.Right. So it'll be the same, except less sex with you.What do you think they'll have you do there?It's a training program, but they hire the people they like.- That's great! - There's gonna be some grunt work..which will stink. A grown man getting people coffee is humiliating. Humiliating and noble.Thank you.You know, if I didn't already have a job..I would've been good in advertising.Ross, you did not come up with: "Got Milk?"Yes, I did! I did!I should've written it down.The One With The Mugging26And I smelled bacon.- He just left. - Who did?Joey, you're never gonna believe it! She called!- She did? - You got it!- I did? - What is she talking about?I don't know, but it sounds great!Your agent called. You got that audition!- With Leonard Hayes? - Yes!Oh, my God, that is great! It's for a play on Broadway.And in a real theater. Not that little one underneath the deli like last time. - Is it a good play? - It must be.I read it and didn't understand a single word!- Leonard Hayes is starring in it. - Yeah, and directing.He was so good in that movie of Macbeth.- You saw that? - No, but I saw the previews.They played it right before Jackass.- He's done some amazing work. - Oh, yeah.I loved him in those phone commercials.When the monkey hits him in the face with the giant rubber phone.. Maybe the monkey will be at the audition.Don't make me more nervous than I already am!- Good morning. - Can I get you a cup of coffee, sir?Oh, no, no. I'm an intern, just like you guys.Except for the tie, the briefcase and the fact that I can rent a car. Seriously, you're an intern?I'm heading in a new career direction and you gotta start at the bottom.Dude.I know I'm a little older than you guys, but it's not like I'm Bob Hope.The comedian. USO.It's U.S.A., sir.This is Joey Tribbiani. Joey, these are the producers.And as you probably already know, this is Leonard Hayes.It is so amazing to meet you. I am such a big fan of your work.I've been blessed with a lot of great roles.Tell me about it, huh? "Unlimited nights and weekends!"Are you making fun of me? Because I am not a sellout.I didn't do it for money. I believe in those phones!I almost lost a cousin because of bad wireless service.No, I wasn't making fun of you. I think you were great in those commercials. - Really? - Yeah.Well, I do bring a certain credibility to the role.Are you kidding? When they shoot you out of that cannon.."Hang up that phone!"- One take. - Wow.- So shall we read? - Oh, yeah, sure.Top of Act 2. This is my entrance. You got it?What the hell are you still doing here?- I think you know. - Bastard!I am what you made me. You know what? I could go right now.- Go! Go! - I can't.Oh, I want to, Long Pause..but I can't.So sorry. You're not supposed to say "long pause."Oh! Oh, I thought that was your character's name. You know?I thought you were, like, an Indian or something, you know, with the.. No. Thank you so much for coming in. We appreciate it. Thank you. You don't want me to do it again?- I could do an accent. - No.You know, Southern. "l could go right now, mon!" Huh?My God in heaven.Joey, hang on. Leonard, can we talk to you for a moment?Yes? You've got to be kidding. He can't act.I don't care if you think he's hot.If you want to sleep with him, do it on your own time. This is a play.If you insist on this..I will call my agent so fast..on a cell phone connection so clear, he's gonna think I'm next door! Hi, thank you so much for whispering for my benefit.Tell me what I did wrong. I'd love to work on it and try it again for you. And also, how you doing?Give me another chance. I really want to get better. Please?If you want to come back today..- here are my notes. Ready? - Yeah.- You're in your head. Thinking too much. - I really doubt that.No, no. It's that you're not connected with anything in your body. There's no urgency. The scene is a struggle.It's a race. Also, what you did was horizontal.Don't be afraid to explore the vertical.And don't learn the words. Let the words learn you.Couldn't I just sleep with the producer?我快不行了，快爆炸了Hey, do you want to go to dinner tonight?I can't. I've got a date with that waitress, Katie.I know we've only gone out, like, twice, but I don't know..- I have a good feeling about her. - Oh, I hear divorce bells.Give me your wallets, and there won't be a problem.- What? - I have a gun.Okay, relax, Phoebe. Just stay calm.Oh, my God, I can't find my wallet!- All right, lady, now give me your purse. - No.What do you mean "no"? I knew you'd be my death, Phoebe Buffay! - Lowell, is that you? - Phoebe?- Oh, my God! - Unbelievable! Oh, my God!I'm sorry. Ross, this is my old friend, Lowell, from the streets!- Lowell, Ross. - Ross, nice to meet you.Yeah, a real pleasure.It's been so long! Oh, so long.- I can't believe you're still doing this. - I know. But I quit smoking. Good for you.You look like you're doing well.I guess your mugging days are behind you.Oh, my God. Phoebe, you used to mug people?Excuse me, Ross, old friends catching up.- How'd the audition go? - They want to see me again, but..Leonard Hayes did not like me.- What happened? - He said I wasn't urgent enough.Everything I did was horizontal, and I should be more vertical.- He said that I should think less. - Well, so far so good.Honey, I'm old!I didn't know you were coming home for lunch.- Can I get you anything? - Sure, a tube of Polident?Some Depends?Birthday wishes from Willard Scott.What's wrong?I am so much older than these other interns. I can't compete with them. So you're a little older.Look at the positive. You have all this life experience.Yes, but I don't think life experience is gonna help me with these.Wow! It's like they're on fire!- What are they? - Prototype sneakers.I need ideas on how to sell them. Which I can't do..because no self-respecting adult would ever wear these.I'll give you $500 for them.- What am I supposed to do? - Come on, sneakers are easy.- You wear them all the time. - They're not called sneakers anymore. They're called "kicks" or "skids." I think I heard somebody say "slorps." They've got wheels that pop out from the bottom so you can roll around.. because apparently walking is too much exercise."Kids! Kids! Roll your way to childhood obesity!"Kids today have such an easier time getting fat.Would you help me try to sell these?Okay. Have you considered using a girl with huge knockers?That's not what they're looking for.Hey, that would work on me.Why do you think I buy Mrs. Butterworth's?（中央咖啡厅）You'll never guess what just happened.- Phoebe and I got mugged! - Are you okay?Yeah. Phoebe knew the mugger.How do you know a mugger?I'm sorry, I have friends outside the six of us.Know how she knew him? Because Phoebe used to mug people. Seriously?Well, I'm not proud of it, but, you know..when I was living on the street and I needed money for food and stuff..- That is awful. - I wasn't rich like you guys, okay?I didn't eat gold and have a flying pony.I had a hard life. My mother was killed by a drug dealer.- Your mother killed herself. - She was a drug dealer.It was a good thing she knew him. I was about to do some serious damage. Okay.This must have brought back some bad memories for you, Ross.- Why? - Ross was mugged as a kid.- You were? - Yeah. And it was pretty traumatic.It was outside St. Mark's Comics.I was minding my business, seeing what kind of trouble Spider-Man was into.Wonder Woman.Anyway, I was heading towards this bakery..to pick up a couple of dozen linzer tortes for someone..when out of nowhere, this thug with a pipe jumps out and says:- "Give me your money, punk!" - Oh, my God.I know. And the worst part was, they took my backpack..which had all the original artwork I did for my own comic book, Science Boy. Oh, yeah! What was his super power again?A super-human thirst for knowledge.I better get to class.Are there any more of your friends I should look out for?No. Actually, you might want to stay away from Jane Street.That's where Stabby Joe works.- I think we have a problem here. - What?Back in my mugging days, I worked St. Mark's Comics.- Yeah? - A pipe was my weapon of choice..and preteen, comic-book nerds were my meat.So?There was one kid who had a sticker on his backpack that said:- "Geology rocks!" - "Geology rocks!"- Oh, my God! - I know! I mugged Ross!- You're late. - I know. I'm sorry.But can I just run to the bathroom?- No. Leonard doesn't wait. - But I am bursting with Yoo-hoo!Joey, here we go! Let's go. Very quickly.- I really need.. - We must go now, quickly.- Yeah. Yes, sir. - Ready?- What the hell are you still doing here? - I think you know!- Oh, you sick bastard! - I am what you made me! Know what?- What? - I could go right now.- Then go. Go! - Oh, I can't. I want to, but I can't!Cut. That was good!- Very good. You did everything I asked. - I did?Yes. Plus which, you've got this, I don't know, this squirmy quality..you bring to the character I couldn't have imagined.Here's what we're gonna do:Come back tomorrow for the final callbacks.Do all of this, what you got going now. But you know what?More. More. Can you do that?Sure. I don't have time to say thank you because I really gotta go!Look at that! Still in character. I like him.I plant seeds. I can't explain it. I don't know.- Hey. What are you doing? - Putting on the sneakers..to get in the young mindset, see if it sparks anything.- Oh, anything yet? - Yes, how's this?"They're so uncomfortable, it's like getting kicked in the nuts for your feet."-Hi! -Hi!You're probably wondering what I'm doing.No, that seems about right.Yesterday at my audition, I had to pee. Apparently, that makes me a good actor.I got a callback, so I'm drinking everything. Oh, by the way..that eggnog in our fridge was great!- Joey, that was formula. - We gotta get more of that.These aren't half bad. You should suggest these to Ralph Lauren. Okay, first of all, that's stupid. Second, I'm not allowed to talk to Ralph. All right. I feel younger already.Yeah, I think I broke my hip.- Hey, you! - Hey.Hey. How was class?No one asks me that. What's wrong?- Nothing. I really want to know. - Oh.Well, there was actually a rather lively discussion about the Pleistocene.. All right, nothing is worth this.I have a confession to make.Okay, you know that girl that mugged you when you were a kid?What are you talking about? It wasn't a girl. It was this huge dude.He had a pitchfork and a sword.You don't have to lie anymore. I know that it was a 14-year-old girl.- No, it wasn't. - Yes, it was.You don't think I would have defended myself against a 14-year-old..? - "Give me your money, punk!" - Oh, my God, it was you!I can't believe it. You mugged me?Yeah. And I'm so, so sorry, Ross. I'm sorry.But, you know, if you think about it, it's kind of neat.I mean, well, it's just that I've always felt kind of like an outsider.You know, the rest of you have connections that go way back..and, you know, now you and I have a great one.It's not the best!I know. Please forgive me. I don't know what to say.There's nothing you can say! That was the most humiliating thing ever.- Even more humiliating than.. - Let's not do this!And then, at the end of the commercial, the girls get out of the hot tub..and start making out with each other.That's interesting.Just one thought: You didn't mention the shoes.Who's next? Chandler.You start with a guy putting on the shoes.- He's about my age. - Your age?He's rolling down the street and he starts to lose control.Maybe he falls. Maybe he hurts himself.Just then, a kid comes flying by wearing the shoes.He jumps over the old guy and laughs. And the line reads:"Not suitable for adults."- Well, Chandler, that's great. - Thank you, sir.Or, man who's two years younger than me.You see, that has a clear selling point. It appeals to our key demographic.- How did you come up with that? - I don't know! I don't know!I was just trying to get into a young mindset, and stuff started to flow.- That is great. Good work. - Thank you.We'll see all of you tomorrow.The cold weather hurts my hip.Hey, Ross. I know you're still mad at me, but can I just talk to you for a sec? Sure, go ahead. Oh, sorry. Sure, go ahead.I just really wanted to apologize again.And also show you something I think you'll find very exciting.（街上的垃圾）Oh, my God! "Crap from the street!"Look, Ross. In this box..are all the things I got from mugging that I thought were too special to sell..or smoke.Anyway, I was looking through it, and I found..Science Boy.Oh, my God!I never thought I'd see this again.It's all here!What made you save it all these years?I guess I just thought it was really good.And maybe it would be worth something one day.You really thought Science Boy was worth saving?Yeah. But you should know I also have a jar of Vaseline and a cat skull in here. Still, this is amazing!Oh, my God. Thank you, Phoebe.You're welcome. Thank you for Science Boy. I learned a lot from him.You're welcome.Wait a minute. Did you add something to him?Oh, yeah.You see, the way you drew him..there was no way he was ever gonna get Gravity Girl.He looked like a Ken doll in those tights.What's that? What are you..?"Is that a beaker or are you happy to see me?"I don't get it.- I need an answer! - I can't tell you something I don't know.- You know! - I don't know!- I need an answer now! - You want an answer? The answer is..She never loved me. She only loved you.You knew this all along and you never told me?I can never forgive you, or myself. I have nothing to live for. Bang! And scene! Absolutely amazing.- The part is yours. - Thanks! Now I really gotta go.No, wait! Congratulations! You did it.You did it. You can relax now. Yeah.Wow! That's a big cable bill.You don't have a job, but you have no problem ordering porn.On a Saturday afternoon?I was in the house!Hey. Phoebe didn't by any chance mention that..She was the huge guy that mugged you? Yeah.I see. You didn't happen to tell..- Everybody we know? Yeah. - Great. Thanks.。
