英语小品剧本

顾客: 小心, 你的大拇指在我汤里了服务员: 别担心, 先生, 不是很烫！A : Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup!B: Don't worry Sir it's not that hot!一个服务员给顾客拿来了牛排，大拇指在牛肉上。

“你疯了吗？”顾客喊到，“你的手在我的牛排上！”“什么？”服务员说，“你想让它再掉地上？”A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat.A:Are you crazy?( yelled the customer ),with your hand on my steak? (What answers the waiter) You want it to fall on the floor again?服务员：茶或咖啡？先生。

第一个顾客：我要茶第二个顾客：我也是茶——杯子要干净的！服务员：两杯茶，哪个要干净的杯子？B:(Waiter:) Tea or coffee gentlemen?A:I'll have tea.C:(2nd customer:) Me too - and be sure the glass is clean!(Waiter exits returns)B:(Waiter:) Two teas.Which one asked for the clean glass?创新句子：我坚持用干净杯子喝茶。

服务员，这只苍蝇在我汤里干什么？看起来象是在仰泳，A:Waiter what's this fly doing in my soup?Um looks to me to be backstroke sir...服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！别担心，先生，面包里的蜘蛛会干掉它。

A:Waiter there's a fly in my soup!B:Don't worry sir the spider on the breadroll will get 'em.服务员，我汤里有只苍蝇！不是，先生，那是蟑螂，苍蝇在你牛排里。

英语搞笑话剧剧本篇一：搞笑小学英语小品剧本搞笑小学英语小品剧本《新守株待兔》人物：农夫，兔子A，兔子b，大树。

农夫：I’mafarmer.（稍停顿）[走两步]Acoolfarmer.（掏出墨镜戴上）[冷酷地走两步，突然被绊了一跤，继续保持冷酷]eh...whenIwasyong,Istudiedinxu~~~~chuanmiddleschool.so,I’mrichnow！[开始展示名牌，边说边掏]Look！Thisismymodern mobile——nokiawc250！Thisismywatch!Thisismymp3!Thesearemyshoes ——(夸张低沉地)ADIDAs!Thisis…[不经意地掏出一个苹果]oh,sorry.[扔掉苹果]It’sthis![从怀里掏出痒痒挠]Doyouknowwhat’sthis？痒痒挠？nonono~~Youareout!!It’smymodern——锄头~！！[看下表]Itistimetodosomefarming！[开始弯下腰做出锄地的动作]树：I’matree!Icandomanythings!Icansing![做出疯狂摇滚歌手的动作，哼哼哈西！！！]Icandance![跳四小天鹅]oh?Therecomesarabbit![引导观众看兔子A)。

树站回后台]兔子A：oK,I’marabbit.nowI’mjustwalkingaroundhere.[农夫继续锄地，边锄边上场，突然看见前面有个兔子]农夫：（惊喜地）Lunch！[扔掉痒痒挠]Iwillcatchit！[偷偷摸摸地跟到兔子后面走][农夫跟在兔子后面。

两个人走啊走。

兔子突然回头。

农夫假装看手表。

两人继续走。

兔子回头。

农夫假装看天气。

两人继续走。

兔子回头。

农夫假装打手机。

两人继续走，兔子回头。

这次农夫冷酷地把枪口对准了兔子。

]兔子A：wahhhh~!（吓一跳）whatdoyouwant?农夫：huh…！Iwillkilluforlunch!兔子A：wah~~~~~~[兔子跑，躲到树后面，农夫追到树前]农夫：where~togo?haha![农夫开了一枪“砰”(配音)。

《英语四级的烦恼》小品剧本简介：该小品主要情节为两个未过四级的屌丝，在校园里背单词的时候相遇，相互吐槽发生的趣事。

该小品适合在校园活动中表演。

甲：大家过的怎么样?(很痛苦，很无助地打招呼，待观众响应好后)可过的可不乍得，我起的比鸡早，睡的比狗晚，吃的比猪差，干的比牛多，可的我英语四级它就不过宁!唉，我还是背单词吧!(打喷嚏)这衣服穿的薄啊，就是容易感冒!(擦鼻涕)乙：哎!人活着真累，站着就想睡，去食堂还排队，吃饭没香味，学习啊，特疲惫!为啥啊?四六级呗!不和你们聊了，我要去综合楼前的小树林里背英语单词了。

BYE BYE!(回头面朝观众)我还不想当电灯泡呢!得了，就在这儿背吧!甲：(坐在地板上叽里呱啦背单词)乙：日子过得好难，看到英语就烦，说是不想再考了那是扯淡，离我(扳手指数到7)第七次补考还剩三十二天了。

甲：干(HA 念第二声)呀?没看到我在这儿背单词?吵什么吵?乙：哦，不好意思。

我也想在这儿背一会儿单词。

甲：啥?你想在这儿背单词?这儿?(指地上)就这儿?乙：不错，就这儿。

虽然地上脏了一点，将就一下算了。

(收回A得手指)甲：你还将就一下?对不起，我将非常郑重而又沉重地对你宣称：这个位子我已经占了。

乙：这儿也能占?怎么占啊?甲：看来你是不到黄河心不死，不见棺材不落泪。

(从地上拿起一张“心相印”牌卫生纸)看见了吧?一张卫生纸，“心相印”牌的(闻一下)贼香!乙：这——这——这也能占座!甲：占座四大件，大学都传遍。

没有书包用坐垫，没有坐垫用名片，实在不行，卫生纸铺遍。

地球人都知道。

(对B)就差你了。

乙：好好，算你行!我是火星来的行了吧?甲：不像(打量B)像土星上来的。

乙：兄弟，咱俩还是背单词吧。

甲：干(HA 念第二声)这么着急啊?补考四五次了吧?乙：(握A的手)知音知音啊!我已经考了六次了。

甲：放开(甩A的手)谁是你的知音啊!我才补考四次呢!乙：哎，因为这四级，我都和女朋友黄了。

甲：啊!连锁反响这么大啊了(努力挤眼泪，用吐沫摸在眼角扮眼泪同情0说出来哥们和你一起分担吧!乙：我不想说。

April Fool's Day旁白: Many years ago, on April 1, a body had birth. He was a little foolish and slow in learning things.His father called him "foolman", nobody liked him except his mother. How time flies! 开始表演！！！场景1：告别家里愚人: Mum, I'm eithteen years old, so I will leave this family.妈妈: Er?......All right,my dear. you are a kind boy,so just be yourselfno mateer what others say,I will always love you andforever.愚人：mum,i love you,too.(抱头痛哭)妈妈：（擦干眼泪）But you must see me at times. This is a bottle of drink, a piece of dry bread.（塞进包里）Remember: take good care of yourself (拿着对方的手，抚摸)愚人：i will，mum.妈妈：en... remember,god always bless kind man. Remember.Bye!愚人：i see,mum. Bye!(转头离开，难过时又带着坚毅)（此时母亲擦着眼泪，望着儿子远去的方向，挥手告别，但同时露出了微笑，说“my son,god will always bless you,because you have the most beautiful thing in the world----a golden heart”）母亲下台2、场景：森林中遇见ugly man旁白: He came to a forest（此时愚人背着一个书包，哼着小调）and met an ugly man.怪人: Hello! Lovely boy!I'm so hungry and thirsty, could you give me something to drink and eat, please?（饿的样子）愚人: Oh, you are hungry?(马上取下包，把水和面包都给他) here you are. Help yourself.怪人: Oh, thanks very much!Oh,so dilicious!（吃的样子，狼吞虎咽）Now, I will go. Thank you. Bey. (此时转身要走了) Oh no, what a poor memory i have! （转身，此时愚人也已经转身，马上把他叫住）hi,wait a miniute!(愚人转身). Lovely boy,i will give you a thingin return of your help. hold it. This is a mirror,you can open it to ask for help whennever and whereever you are in trouble and i will turn up. But remember, you can use it only once,only once! Good luck!bye!（哈哈哈哈，声音拉长，越走越远，直至消失）场景3：初到怪国家旁白:A few days later, the foolman went to a country, and saw a paper on the wall, it says“Emergent announcementEmergent:Anyone who can cure our princess of the leg,he or she can get invaluable wealth they never dream of and even manage the whole city.Emergent Anyone who can cure our elegant princess of the leg,you can get invaluable wealth you never dare to dream of and even manage the whole city.Emergent!Emergent!Foolman saw the announcement and was stuck in deep thought.“how poor the girl is! Anyway, i shoul help her.”(下台)公主：Oh, what a pity girl I am! I have a broken leg. Why can’t I be like other sweet girls , riding the horse ,having the dance, enjoying the charming scenery outside, where birds are singing and flowers flourishing. Ai~国王:oh my poor daughter!i love her so much,when can she be better? Only if to cure her of the leg, I can do anything ,even sacrifice my life? who can help me? God bless my beloved daughter!旁白：the king goes great lengths to make her feel happy, but in vain.国王：my baby, this is delicious, it is especially prepared for u, have a taste, please?（此时公主推开了他）it does n’t matter, look this, a priceless diamond necklace.公主：(扔掉) I hate all of them, the only thing I want is the healthy leg!(cry)国王叹气离开，摆摆手表示无可奈何。

FOX and TIGERT---Tiger F---Fox R---Rabbit B---Bird Fr---Frog B----BearTiger: I’m a great tiger. I’m very strong. I’m very brave. I’m the king of the forest.But now I’m very hungry. I must find sth. to eat at once, orI’ll die immediately. Oh, there’s nothing here. And here is nothing,either. Oh, I want to have a rest. (Sleep soundly)Fox: I’m a fox. You can see, I’m pretty and lovely. I’m good at cheating0and telling lies. Just now I cheated a crew out of a piece of meat. Mm,Mm, Mm. How delicious it is!Tiger: Ah, a fox. A good meal. Ah, a good meal.Fox: Oh, my God! What should I do? Yes, I have a good idea. Yes, a goodidea. Hello! Tiger sister! How are you?Tiger: Not so good. I’m very hungry now. I want to eat you.Fox: Oh, my dear! How dare you say that! I’m the king of the forest! I’mthe king of the forest! If you want to eat me, I will let you die rightnow.Tiger: She is the king. She is cheating me. I can’t belive her. I’m theking of the forest here.Fox: If you don’t believe me, just follow me and see who is the king ofthe forest.Tiger: Ok. Let’s go.Rabbit: I’m a rabbit. I like to eat a turnip. Ah, a big turnip. Oh! It’stoo hard. I can’t pull it out.Bird: I’m a bird.Rabbit: Hi!Bird: Hi! What are doing here, Miss Rabbit? Can I help you?Rabbit: Yes, please.Frog: I’m a frog. Hello! What are you doing here? What can I do for you?R&B: Yes, come on!Frog : Ok! I’m coming!Bear: I’m a big brown bear. Hello, everyone! What are you doing here?R,B&F: Come on! Come on! Mr. Bear! You are so strong. Please come here.There is a big turnip. We are all puling it out. Please come and help us.Bear: Ok! I’m coming.Fox: Hello, Bear!Bear: Hi, Fox. Oh, a tiger! (run away)Fox: Hello, Frog!Frog: Hi, Fox. Oh, a tiger! (run away)Fox: Hello, Bird!Bird: Hi, Fox. Oh, a tiger! (run away)Fox: Hello, Rabbit!Rabbit: Hi, Fox. Oh, a tiger! (run away)Fox: Tiger, Now, you see. They are so frightened! They all run away!Tiger: Yes, you are right. It’s true. I’m very sorry. You are the king of the forest. That’s all right. I will run away. He is the king. He is the king.Fox: Wa! There is a big turnip. Now, the turnip belongs to me.。

英语小品剧本—Sutra-Seek取西经一、道具准备（Tools needed）1、一瓶水（one bottle of water）2、一条木棒（one sticks）3、一个面具（one masks）4、一个羽毛球拍(a battledore)二、出场人物（Performer）1、孙悟空（Monkey king—Wukong）2、民女（The girl）3、猪八戒(Pig guy —Bajie)4、唐僧（Master—Tangzeng）三、情景（scene）Monkey king was going to seek for the sutra when Pig Guy was chasing the girl. Now, let’s go to see what happens.Chapter 1P: Don’t be shy! Come on, we will become a couple.G: No, I don’t want to.P: just look at me, I am so handsome.G: Y ou are telling lies. Y ou are just a pig.P: Tell you the truth. I used to be ……G: Stop! Stop! Stop! I don’t believe it. Y ou, a foolish ugly pig, let me go.P: Shut up, stupid. （spat her）G: Help! Help! Help!P: Ha Ha Ha, nobody can hear you.Monkey king heard some one was shouting from a way of distance.Chapter 2MK: No, you are wrong. I can hear it.M: So do I.P: Who you are?MK: I’m the Mahatma（齐天大圣）, the king of the monkeys.P: Ha Ha Ha, monkey? Y ou think you can defeat（击败）me? Ha Ha Ha, stupid. （Give him the battledore）MK: Go to hell!( So Monkey King was fighting with Pig Guy. )（激烈交锋）M: Stop fighting, you are brothers.MK (amazing): What? Brothers?（Pig guy pierced（刺）straight at Monkey King when he was in distraction（分心）. Unfortunately, he was pierced in contrary.M: Are you OK? Guy?P: I am going to die.M: Y ou are going to be my apprentice. Wukong, give me the water.So, the monkey king took the water to his master, and the master let pig guy drink it, but it didn’t help.The girl changed into another form（变形）. (Put on the towel) She took a mask fromhis pocket.Chapter 3G: Are you OK?P: I’m going to die. If you see Change E in the paradise, tell her, I love her.G: Y ou will revive when you put on the mask, Pig Guy.MK: What? Is that true?P: I rather to die than put on the ugly mask.M: Y ou should listen to me. Y ou can meet Chang E when you finish the Sutra—Seek. P: Wow. (He put on the mask quickly)M: Now, you are my apprentice now, and I will name you Bajie.MK: Just look at him. He’s too ugly to meet people.(Pig guy glare to Monkey king with great anger)M: Who are you? Girl?G: I’m the God from the heaven.All (amazing):What?G: Music!(Singing the song—God is a girl)G: I have to leave now. I will bless you guys.All (look at each other): Oh, My God.。

小品-中国式英语《Chinglish》甲：知道吗，最近一东西比较火。

乙：什么？甲：Chinglish，俗称中式英语!乙：你才刚听说？我都知道好久了。

你水平如何？甲：horse horse tiger tiger乙：行啊，那我考考你吧。

甲：try try see乙：你没看见我有多忙吗？甲：you no see,I now very busy乙：不管三七二十一甲：no care three seven two ten one乙：其实理解多了，才觉得这东西有些胡搅蛮缠。

甲：为啥？If you tiger me,I will mountain you!乙：生日快乐变成了“Birthday happy”,上学成了“up shool”,这些东西一点语法都没有。

甲：也不能一棍子打死，“Long time to see”已经成了国际标准词汇了。

乙：What do you think,Who are you?这是英语初学者的必经之路。

甲：是啊，你难道就没这么no three no four过？乙：我一直惭愧的就是我的作文里竟有那样的句子。

甲：说来听听。

乙：One car come,one car go,two car PengPeng,people did.甲：没有人会ten all ten nine,都是Ameriean Chinese not enough.乙：Am I easy I?都一路走过来的。

甲：China people ten thousand year.我们发明的，我们也要用啊。

乙：This is only one no two,啥美式、欧式都没咱的有意思。

甲：因此，大家千万别认真，当个笑料就行了。

乙：最后，祝大家good good study,day day up!。

应聘应聘者：Eric（阿信）Linda （燕青）Washaby（李四）Angle（猪）老板：Boss（一天）秘书：Jimy （华哥）B(一脸嫌弃表情): The interview was about to begin, you 'd better shut your mouth . Don't lost my face.J（边看资料边一脸媚笑）：OK,OK,OK.阿信敲门，无言。

J：Come in!(此时B瞪J一眼，J悟，抱歉地笑一下。

)E：Hello, I'm Eric, I graduated from Xiamen University.B:Go on.E:Pay attention,Xiamen University.B:So what? We need experienced personnel.E: Although I have no experience, but I have high academic qualifications, I think my highly educated are unmatched.B: Do you know behind an able man there are always other able men?E:I just know that no hire me is your loss.J(贱笑):Good,personality, I like 。

B（对J）：Shut up！B（对E）：OK, The first such, you go back and notice.B(抬高音量)：Next one.李四上场，同时E(惊讶地看着B)：This is over?B：Yes.W（看着老板傻笑）B：What are you doing now??J:Please introduce yourself firstly.W:I’m Washaby.J(笑):Wa~shaby!!W:Yes,I’m shaby! Oh, no no .Sorry, I'm a little nervous.B:Where do you graduated from?W:My home.B(无奈撑头): What qualifications do you have?W(傻笑):Eating.Drinking.Playing.J(抱头)：Oh my god !!B:All right, you can go out.(甩出一张纸到地上)W(委屈离场)猪敲门：May I come in?J(抢在B前面)：Come in,please.A（进场捡起纸张放在老板面前之后坐下）:Hello,I’m Angle. Today I am here to interview, very nervous and excited. But I'm not afraid.B:Good. Why would you want to come to our company for an interview?A：Because this is the talent competition in the local, I want to exercise my ability.J(突然鼓掌):Very good!B(拍一下J的头，转向A)：I'm very pleased with you, to notice.A(优雅起身)：Thank you.See you latter.在猪开门出去时，燕青冲进来L(气喘吁吁):Sorry,sorry,I’m late.B:No,you are not.L(急):No, I’m late!!!!J(突然插一句)：Yes, you are late,B：Shut up!B(对L):Please introduce yourself.L（坐在座位上架起二郎腿抖脚。

喜羊羊与灰太狼学生英语小品剧本，片名：一把“枪”.剧情：喜羊羊一伙儿在一起玩，灰太狼突然袭击，进行抓捕，把美羊羊、懒羊羊抓走了。

慢羊羊糊涂地给了喜羊羊一把假枪，喜羊羊与暖羊羊去狼堡解救美羊羊、懒羊羊。

它们被喜羊羊与沸羊羊和暖羊羊用一只假枪解救，回到羊村后才发现这是假枪。

最后以红太狼灰太狼被定住结束。

道具：两把玩具枪。

人数：五名男生，三名女生（其中一名稍胖）出场人物：喜羊羊Pleasant Goat 美羊羊Pretty Goat 懒羊羊Lazy Goat沸羊羊Force Goat暖羊羊Warm Goat 慢羊羊Slowly Goat(Village Head) 灰太狼Big Big Wolf 红太狼Red Big Wolf情节对话：（喜羊羊、美羊羊、沸羊羊、懒羊羊、慢羊羊还有暖羊羊在一起；灰太狼和红太狼在旁边隐蔽）喜：What can we play today?美：We have nothing to play. It’s dull!懒：I have a good idea. （睡意朦胧）喜、沸：What idea do you have? （好奇）懒：Let’s sleep! （自信满满）暖、慢：Oh,no! You are very lazy! （无奈指责）灰：Ha! Dear goats ,I’m coming!（灰太狼小声→大声，出现在羊面前）美：Ah! Look, Big-big-wolf! Run away! （惊恐了一大跳）（羊们开始逃跑，灰太狼追着美羊羊）灰：Ha-ha!I’m sure that it’s a good and delicious goat!（灰太狼紧追美羊羊）美：Pleasant-goat!Please help me!Help,help,help! （神情紧张）灰：It’s too late!My favourite goat.（十分贪婪，并抓住了美羊羊）喜：Pretty-goat,I have nothing to do.But I’ll save you!（灰太狼抓住了美羊羊后，又开始抓其它羊）懒：Don’t touch me!Help me!（也神情紧张）灰：Ha!Little fat goat.I’m hungry now. My wife is waiting for me.Haha! （灰太狼又抓住了懒羊羊,于是逮着懒羊羊，美羊羊走向狼堡，最后进入了狼堡）-------------------地点转换（在狼堡）----------------------------红：Wa!Big big wolf!You are very good! Oh,two goats! （激动）灰:Wife.I’m going to cook them soon!Today we’ll have a super dinner,I’m looking forward to eating goats the first（灰太狼和红太狼准备煮羊）-----------------------地点转换（在青青草原）----------------------慢：What to do?Pleasant-goat,find a way quickly,be quick! （着急）沸：Pleasant goat!Find a way!喜：There’s only one key.Let’s goto wolf’s houseand save them! 暖：What? I am very worried about that!It’s too dangerous ! （表现出害怕的样子）慢：Ng.This is only one key.I’m wating for you.You must save Pretty-goat and Lazy goat .And this is a special gun.Big-big-wolf won’t move for an hour.Give you,Pleasant goat. （慢羊羊拿出一把枪,深沉地给了喜羊羊）喜：That’s great!Let’s go.Warm goat and Force goat! （握住拳头）暖,沸：Ok,let’s go to wolf’s house!（气势磅礴）（喜羊羊它们向狼堡走去；灰太狼与红太狼正得意洋洋）-----------------------地点转换（在狼堡）--------------------------- 红：Two Little goats.You will finish!I’ll eat you! （贪婪野蛮）美：Oh,no.I believe Pleasant goat can save me! Yes?Lazy goat?What are you doing?（无助）懒：Let me sleep,xu.（乐观派）美：Ah!Don’t sleep!I am very afraid ! If you don’t sleep,I will give you candy!懒：Really?I love candy !（懒羊羊突然醒了，美羊羊点点头）（喜羊羊，沸羊羊，暖羊羊到达，并使劲敲门）灰：Who?Oh, wife.Maybe are the other goats!Let me catch them. （喜羊羊拿住枪，准备瞄准；灰太狼打开门）灰：Oh,it’s pleasant goat！I’ll get you for my dinner!喜：Big-big-wolf.Goodbye!（Bang）（开枪）（灰太狼突然动不了了）暖：Wa!Pleasant goat,you are very great!（赞美）灰：Pleasant-goat!What do you do? Why can’t I move?!（喜羊羊笑了笑，把枪给了沸羊羊）喜：Force goat,give you gun.Let me save them.沸：Ok!...Ng.Red big wolf！you will finish!（喜羊羊救了美羊羊，懒羊羊,沸羊羊把枪对准红太狼）红：What are you going to do?little fat goats? （害怕）沸：Goodbye,Red big wolf!(bang)（沸羊羊向红太狼开枪；红太狼动不了了）美，懒：Thank you,Pleasant-goat!（感激不尽）暖：Lazy goat, pretty goat,Run away quickly!(美羊羊，懒羊羊逃了出来)红：Big-big-wolf,I hate you!Ah! （红太狼挣扎）美：Mr. Big-big-wolf and Red big wolf,goodbye! （亲切）懒：Pretty-goat,where’s my candy? （天真好奇）美：Oh!Lovely lazy goat,I have no candy.Sorry?Don’t blame me!（违约）懒：What?My candy!My God!...Ai,Let me sleep,xu.（无奈的）暖：Don’t sleep!Lazy goat!We will go to our house!（命令）（懒羊羊随即被叫醒，并打了个哈欠，之后羊群到达羊村）慢:Pleasant goat,you’re very good!Give me special gun.（迎接）沸：Here you are.Village Head.慢：Ah,that’s not ture the special gun.This is ture!（激动地拿出真枪）暖：Ah?If this……（疑惑无比）慢：If this false gun,Big big wolf can’t move for ten days!（大声）懒：Ha ha.Ng……And do we win?喜，沸，暖，美：Yes!We win! （羊们笑着说）-----------------------地点转换（在狼堡）---------------------------红：Big-big-wolf,Where are our goats?Where?you, you,I hateyou!Ah!You are foolish! （动不了了）灰：Wu……Awful pleasant-goat,I must eat you the first!And I’m sure come back soon（哭着说）。