Effective Sentences
Elements of Effective Sentences
?Correct sentences alone can not necessarily make good writing. Effective Sentences and paragraphs need the following qualities:
?1 Unity 2 Coherence 3 Conciseness 4 Emphasis 5 Variety
Unity is regarded as the most important, or the primary quality of an effective sentence. It means that a sentence should express one, and only one complete idea. What it actually does is to make sure that we will follow the following rules:
?There should be a complete idea in a sentence.Sometimes the writer does not provide enough information, and then readers will fail to form a complete piece of information in their mind. So a sentence without a complete idea cannot be effective in real communication. We can look at the following example:
?Jane is the most beautiful girl.
There should be only one idea in the sentence.
A sentence is expected to express a complete idea, which is actually a unit of information in communication. But if you put two ideas into one sentence, then that sentence will be overloaded. It will not help readers to understand you. We can look at this sentence:
?Born in a small village in Southeast China, he later became a great scientist. Coherence
?Sentence coherence means there is a clear and reasonable connection between different parts of a sentence. It is actually difficult to say what kind of connection is clear and reasonable, but we can tell you what is usually not clear and reasonable. They may appear in the following ways.
A. Misused Parallel
?Parallel may be very effective in description or reasoning, mainly because it can build up its force with recurring patterns. But this effect depends on the similarity in structure of these parallel parts. Therefore, if you used different structures in these parts, your sentence would sound awkward. For example:
?A man is usually judged not only by what he says, but also by his deeds。
It is clear that the writer wanted to apply a parallel structure with his not only...but also..., but he used different structures, i.e., a clause and a noun phrase. If keeps these two parts in the same structure, the sentence would immediately stand out:
?A man is usually judged not only by what he says, but also by what he does.
?A man is usually judged not only by his words, but also by his deeds.
?So if you try to use parallel structures, try your best to keep them in the same form.
B. Vague pronoun
Usually we use pronouns to represent some parts in a sentence in order to avoid repetition, and naturally we know their references. The effect of pronouns is based on the readers' unmistakeable understanding of what they refer to. However, if readers find that they can explain one pronoun in more than one way, and different explanation leads to different ideas, then your sentence is not clear in idea. We call this kind of sentence ambiguous. Here are two examples:
?He told his father that he'd better leave as soon as possible.
?I bought a new computer, but it was not very helpful.
?You can see that in the first sentence, the second he is not clear, because it may refer to the father or the son. Unless in certain context, this sentence would be regarded as a bad one. In order to make this reference clear, we may use direct speech:
?He told his father: "I'd better leave as soon as possible."
Or He told his father that "You'd better leave as soon as possible."
?Similarly, in the second example, the “it” is not clear. It may refer to the new computer, or refer to the action of buying a computer. We can also adjust it to make this sentence clear:
?I bought a new computer, but the machine was not very helpful.
?Or I bought a new computer, but that was not very helpful.
C.Misplaced Modifier
?We cannot avoid using modifiers, because they help to make our writing more vivid or more exact. However, sometimes, modifiers, especially long modifiers present much difficulty. We generally put them after the noun, but sometimes we may put them too far away to mean what we want to mean. Look at this example:
?The story he told at first sounded very terrifying.
What does this sentence mean? I'm sure we may read two meanings from it, this is because the at first is misplaced. It may be regarded as a modifier for told, or a modifier for sounded. Maybe the following sentences are better:
?The first story he told sounded very terrifying.
–Or The story he told sounded very terrifying at first.
Conciseness
?Conciseness means that effective sentence should not contain unnecessary words, that is, there should not be any word in the sentence that does not add something to the information. These redundant words can only cover up the real meaning and confuse your readers.
?The following are some examples of lack of conciseness.
The flower is red in color.
The war ended in the year of 1945.
Professor Smith is a very learned and kind professor.
In my opinion, I think the second plan is better.
Methods to achieve conciseness
?1. Eliminate unnecessary determiners and modifiers
?Writers sometimes clog up their prose with one or more extra words or phrases that seem to determine narrowly or to modify the meaning of a noun but don't actually add to the meaning of the sentence. Although such words and phrases can be meaningful in the appropriate context, they are often used as "filler" and can easily be eliminated.
?Wordy
Any particular type of dessert is fine with me. —Any dessert is fine with me.
Balancing the budget by Friday is an impossibility without some kind of extra help.
?More Concise
Balancing the budget by Friday is impossible without extra help.
2. Change phrases into single words
?Using phrases to convey meaning that could be presented in a single word contributes to wordiness. Convert phrases into single words when possible.
Wordy
The employee with ambition...
The department showing the best performance...
More Concise
The ambitious employee...
The best-performing department...
3. Change unnecessary that, who, and which clauses into phrases
?Using a clause to convey meaning that could be presented in a phrase or even a word contributes to wordiness. Convert modifying clauses into phrases or single words when possible.
Wordy
?The report, which was released recently...
?All applicants who are interested in the job must...
?The system that is most efficient and accurate...
More Concise
?The recently released report...
All job applicants must...
The most efficient and accurate system...
4. Avoid overusing expletives at the beginning of sentences
?Expletives are phrases of the form it + be-verb or there + be-verb. Such expressions can be rhetorically effective for emphasis in some situations, but overuse or unnecessary use of expletive constructions creates wordy prose.
?Wordy
?It is the governor who signs or vetoes bills.
?There are four rules that should be observed: ...
?More Concise
?The governor signs or vetoes bills.
?Four rules should be observed:..
Wordy
?There was a big explosion, which shook the windows, and people ran into the street.
?More Concise
?A big explosion shook the windows, and people ran into the street.
5 Use active rather than passive verbs
?Wordy An account was opened by Mrs. Simms.
Your figures were checked by the research department.
?More Concise Mrs. Simms opened an account.
?The research department checked your figures.
6. Avoid overusing noun forms of verbs
?Use verbs when possible rather than noun forms known as nominalizations. Sentences with many nominalizations usually have forms of be as the main verbs. Using the action verbs disguised in nominalizations as the main verbs--instead of forms of be--can help to create engaging rather than dull prose.
?Wordy The function of this department is the collection of accounts.
The current focus of the medical profession is disease prevention.
?More Concise This department collects accounts.
?The medical profession currently focuses on disease prevention.
7. Reword unnecessary infinitive phrases
?Some infinitive phrases can be converted into finite verbs or brief noun phrases. Making such changes also often results in the replacement of a be-verb with an action verb.
Wordy The duty of a clerk is to check all incoming mail and to record it.
-------A clerk checks and records all incoming mail.
Wordy
?A shortage of tellers at our branch office on Friday and Saturday during rush hours has caused customers to become dissatisfied with service.
?More Concise
?A teller shortage at our branch office on Friday and Saturday during rush hours has caused customer dissatisfaction.
?
8. Replace circumlocutions with direct expressions ?Circumlocutions are commonly used roundabout expressions that take several words to say what could be said more succinctly. We often overlook them because many such expressions are habitual figures of speech. In writing, though, they should be avoided since they add extra words without extra meaning.
?Of course, occasionally you may for rhetorical effect decide to use, say, an expletive construction instead of a more succinct expression.
Wordy
?At this/that point in time...
?In accordance with your request...
?More Concise Now/then...
?As you requested...
9. Omit words that explain the obvious or provide excessive detail
?Be sure always to consider your readers as you draft and revise your writing. If you find passages that explain or describe in detail what would already be obvious to readers, delete or reword them. Wordy
It goes without saying that we are acquainted with your policy on filing tax returns, and we have every intention of complying with the regulations that you have mentioned.
More Concise
We intend to comply with the tax-return regulations that you have mentioned.
Wordy
?Imagine a mental picture of someone engaged in the intellectual activity of trying to learn what the rules are for how to play the game of chess.
?More Concise Imagine someone trying to learn the rules of chess.
10. Omit repetitive wording
?Watch for phrases or longer passages in your writing in which you repeat words with similar meanings.
?Below are some general examples of unnecessary repetition contrasted with more concise versions, followed by lists and examples of specific redundant word pairs and categories.
Wordy
?Our branch office currently employs five tellers. These tellers do an excellent job Monday through Thursday but cannot keep up with the rush on Friday and Saturday.
?More Concise
?Our branch office currently employs five tellers, who do an excellent job Monday through Thursday but cannot keep up with Friday and Saturday rush periods.
?Wordy
?The supply manager considered the correcting typewriter an unneeded luxury.
?More Concise
?The supply manager considered the correcting typewriter a luxury.
Emphasis
?Not all the parts of a sentence are equally important. Also, in a paragraph, not all the sentences are equally important. In order to emphasize certain parts in a sentence as well as a paragraph, we have the following devices to achieve emphasis:
1) Visual Devices for Achieving Emphasis
?The simplest way to call attention to an otherwise unemphatic word or phrase is to underline or italicize it.
?Flaherty is the new committee chair, not Buckley.
?This mission is extremely important for our future: we must not fail!
2) Punctuation Marks for Achieving Emphasis
?Some punctuation marks prompt the reader to give a word or sentence more than usual emphasis. For example, a command with a period does not evoke the same emphatic response as the same command with an exclamation mark.
?Watch out!
?A dash or colon has more emphatic force than a comma.
?The employees were surprised by the decision, which was not to change company policy. ?The employees were surprised by the decision--no change in company policy.
?The employees were surprised by the decision: no change in company policy.
3) Choice and Arrangement of Words for Achieving Emphasis
?The simplest way to emphasize something is to tell readers directly that what follows is important by using such words and phrases as especially, particularly, crucially, most importantly, and above all. ?Emphasis by repetition of key words can be especially effective in a series, as in thefollowing example.
?See your good times come to color in minutes: pictures protected by an elegant finish, pictures you can take with an instant flash, pictures that can be made into beautiful enlargements. ?You can also emphasize part of a sentence by departing from the basic structural patterns of the language. The inversion of the standard subject-verb-object pattern in the first sentence below into an object-subject-verb pattern in the second puts emphasis on the out-of-sequence term, fifty dollars.
?I'd make fifty dollars in just two hours on a busy night at the restaurant.
?Fifty dollars I'd make in just two hours on a busy night at the restaurant.
?The initial and terminal positions of sentences are inherently more emphatic than the middle segment. Likewise, the main clause of a complex sentence receives more emphasis than subordinate clauses. Therefore, you should put words that you wish to emphasize near the beginnings and endings of sentences and should never bury important elements in subordinate clauses. Consider the following example.
No one can deny that the computer has had a great effect upon the business world. ?Undeniably, the effect of the computer upon the business world has been great.
4) Arrangement of Clauses for Achieving Emphasis
?Since the terminal position in the sentence carries the most weight and since the main clause is more emphatic than a subordinate clause in a complex sentence, writers often place the subordinate clause before the main clause to give maximal emphasis to the main clause. For example:
?I believe both of these applicants are superb even though it's hard to find good secretaries nowadays. ?Even though it's hard to find good secretaries nowadays, I believe both of these applicants are superb.
5) Sentence Position and Variation for Achieving Emphasis
An abrupt short sentence following a long sentence or a sequence of long sentences is often emphatic. For example, compare the following paragraphs. The second version emphasizes an important idea by placing it in an independent clause and placing it at the end of the paragraph:
?For a long time, but not any more, Japanese corporations used Southeast Asia merely as a cheap source of raw materials, as a place to dump outdated equipment and overstocked merchandise, and as a training ground for junior executives who needed minor league experience.
?For a long time Japanese corporations used Southeast Asia merely as a cheap source of raw materials, as a place to dump outdated equipment and overstocked merchandise, and as a training ground for junior executives who needed minor league experience. But those days have ended. ?Varying a sentence by using a question after a series of statements is another way of achieving
emphasis.
?The increased number of joggers, the booming sales of exercise bicycles and other physical training devices, and the record number of entrants in marathon races--all clearly indicate the growing belief among Americans that strenuous, prolonged exercise is good for their health. But is it?
Variety
?It is also important to be able to write in various sentence forms. Although the form of a sentence is usually decided by what the writer wants to say, if all the sentence in a paragraph or a passage are written in similar structures, the reader will feel bored.
?Therefore, effective writing also requires sentence variety.
?The first requirement on sentence variety, as we mentioned before, is length. Long sentences and short sentences should be used alternatively so that the reader can get a sense of change and rhythm.
If all the sentences are long, the whole article will be hard to understand, and sound very boring. If all the sentences are very short, the article will sound somewhat childish.
?Let's look at this following excerpt:
I am Wang Jun. I am thirteen. I am a student in No. 1 Middle School. I get up at 6:00 everyday. I go to school at 7:30. I study Chinese, English, Mathematics, geography and history. I like these courses. I
like English most.
?As you can see, there is no mistake here, but it reads very boring. The sentence structure is repeated again and again, until it makes you sleepy. So if we really want to write in a vigorous way, we need to use different structures.
?The following are some suggestions.
1). Combine your sentences.
?The first method in combining sentences simply put two short sentences together, using words like and, but, yet, however to connect them and indicate their relatio
?Example 1: I am Wang Jun.
?I am thirteen.
?I am Wang Jun and I am thirteen.
The second method is juxtaposition
?Put the parallel part into one sentence, turn them into juxtapose subjects, predicate verbs, or objects etc. All these can be called a kind of parallelism. Look at the following examples. ?Example 1:
?The referee skated to center ice.
?The referee was going to begin the game.
?The referee skated to center ice and was going to begin the game.
The third method is using subordinate clauses.
?Example 1:
?The roller coaster is still one of the most exciting rides in an amusement park.
?The roller coaster made its appearance in 1884.
The roller coaster, which made its appearance in 1884, is still one of the most exciting rides in an amusement park.
2). Try a different beginning for your sentences.
?It is believed that by beginning your sentences in different ways, you can also make your sentences more colorful. They classify sentences into nine groups, each with a different kind of beginning. Now let's take a look at these nine groups.
Group 1: Sentences beginning with "there".
There is not enough evidence to show that this attack was carried out by bin Ladin.
?There is always a chance for those who won't give up.
Group 2: Sentences beginning with numbers or similar ideas.
More than 5,000 people have been reported dead or missing in the Sept. 11th attack.
?Many of Freud's ideas are quite hard to understand.
Group 3: Sentences beginning with prepositions.
In the 1980's, computer was still a novelty to most Chinese.
?By the entrance stood two armed policemen.
Group 4. Sentences beginning with "Although/If“
?Although we take our sense of smell for granted, its loss can make everything around us a great mess.
?If daydreaming is really universal, do you think it is really useful?
Group 5. Sentences beginning with "When/While".
When one member is ill, the whole family will become distressed.
?While Freud emphasized the sexual instincts, Jung stressed rational and spiritual qualities.
Group 6. Sentence beginning with "It".
It is difficult to decide whether that news is believable or not.
?It turns out that our opponent knows everything about our plan.
Group 7. Sentences beginning with an -ly adverb.
?Unfortunately, our car broke down on our way to the station.
?Economically (speaking), this company is not very successful.
?Group 8. Sentences beginning with question words: Questions.
?How much do you know about human body?
?Have you ever thought why we still bother to write letters when we can just pick up the phone and talk?
?Group 9. Sentences beginning with exclamatory words: Exclamations.
?What a mess this bedroom is!
?How beautiful your new girl friend is!
3）.V ary the rhythm by alternating short and long sentences.
?example: They visited Canada and Alaska last summer to find some native American art. In Anchorage stores they found some excellent examples of soapstone carvings. But they couldn't find a dealer selling any of the woven wall hangings they wanted.
?revised: They visited Canada and Alaska last summer to find some native American art, such as soapstone carvings and wall hangings. Anchorage stores had many soapstone items available. Still, they were disappointed to learn that wall hangings, which they had especially wanted, were difficult to find.