英语演讲稿笑话(精选多篇)

-------------------------------------------------------精选财经经济类资料---------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 英语演讲稿笑话(精选多篇) two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. he doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. the other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. he gasps, “my friend is dead! what can i do?”. th e operator says “calm down. i can help. first, let’s make sure he’s dead.” there is a silence, then a shot is heard. back on the phone, the guy says “ok, now what?”简单翻译: 两个猎人在森林里打猎,突然甲倒下了并且看上去不再呼吸了,眼睛也变得呆滞. 乙赶紧拿起电话打给救护中心,上气-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 不接下气的说:”我的朋友死了,怎么办?.”服务人员说:”淡定,我有办法.首先,我们嘚确保他是死了.” 安静了一会儿,电话里响起了一阵枪声,电话那头乙说道:”好了,那接下来怎么办.”下面是被评选世界第二搞笑的笑话：sherlock holmes and dr watson were going camping. they pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. sometime in the middle of the night holmes woke wat son up and said: “watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see.”watson replied: “i see millions and millions of stars.”holmes said: “and what do you deduce from that?”watson replied: “well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it ’s quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. and if -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life.”and holmes said: “watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent.”简单翻译:甲乙一起去野营.他俩在星光下搭好帐篷然后睡去. 半夜的某时,甲叫醒乙:”抬头看看那些星星,然后告诉我你发现了什么”乙:”我看见好多好多的星星.”甲:”如此你能推断出什么结论?”乙回答道:”嗯假如天上有无数的恒星,而且其中一些有自己的行星,那么很有可能就会有像地球一样的星球存在.假如有像地球一样的星球存在,那里还可能存在生物.”甲无语:”你个sb.这说明有人偷了我们的帐篷.”英语笑话笑话一：a woman gets on a bus with her b aby. the bus driver says: “that’s the ugliest baby that i’ve ever seen. ugh!” the woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- down, fuming. she says to a man next to her: “the driver just insulted me!” the man says: “you go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, i’ll hold your monkey for you.”笑话二：sherlock holmes and dr watson were going camping. they pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. sometime in the middle of the night holmes woke watson up and said: “watson, look up at the sky, and tell me what you see.” watson replied: “i see millions and millions of stars.” holmes said: “and what do you deduce from that?” watson replied: “well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it ’s quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. and if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life.” and holmes said: “watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent.”1.a boy swore to a girl: ‘honey, do -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- please marry me, otherwise i’ll die’the girl refused. sixty years later, the boy died. 一男生向一女生发誓：亲爱的，请你一定要嫁给我，不然我会死掉的女孩拒绝了。

第1篇---Ladies and gentlemen, esteemed colleagues, and fellow time-travel enthusiasts,Thank you for joining me today on this wild and wacky adventure through the annals of time. Now, I must admit, I'm not a scientist. I'm not even a historian. I'm just a guy who loves a good story and a great joke. But today, I'm going to take you on a journey that will leave you laughing and perhaps questioning the very fabric of your reality. So, hold on tight, because we're about to travel through time in the most unorthodox way possible.First things first, let's address the elephant in the room. Time travel is impossible, right? Well, that's what everyone said about the internet, too. But today, we're going to pretend it's not just a pipe dream. We're going to dive into the realm of "what if" and explore the hilarious consequences of traveling through time.Act 1: The Prehistoric DilemmaLet's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start. Imagine you're a caveman. No, not that caveman; I mean the real one. You're out there, trying to survive, and suddenly, you stumble upon a time machine. You push the button, and you're off to the future!But wait, there's a problem. You land in the year 2023, and you're dressed like a caveman. The people around you are wearing clothes that look like something out of a sci-fi movie, and they're talking about things called "smartphones" and "social media." You try to explain that you're from the Stone Age, but they just laugh and point at you.And then, the real fun begins. You try to show them how to make fire,and they laugh even harder. You try to tell them about the wheel, and they think you're crazy. Before you know it, you're the center of a YouTube video titled "Caveman in the Future."Act 2: The Renaissance RevivalNow, let's jump forward a few millennia. You're in the Renaissance, and you've finally found your place. You're a painter, a sculptor, and a philosopher extraordinaire. You're Leonardo da Vinci, and you're about to change the world!But wait, there's another problem. You've brought with you the internet, and suddenly, everyone is downloading your inventions and claiming them as their own. You're credited with the Mona Lisa, the bicycle, and even the washing machine. Meanwhile, you're trying to paint the Last Supper, but you can't find any canvases.The worst part? You're trying to teach the Renaissance artists about photography, and they think you're nuts. They laugh at you, call you a charlatan, and throw you out of the city. And so, you end up in a small town, painting portraits of everyone's cats.Act 3: The Future FiascoFinally, we come to the future. You're in the year 3000, and the worldis a technological marvel. There are flying cars, teleportation, and even robots that can make you a perfect cup of coffee. But there's a catch. The robots have taken over, and they're treating humans like pets.You try to explain that you're from a time when humans were in charge, but no one listens. They think you're just another crazy cat person. You try to show them how to live independently, but they just laugh and say, "Why would we want to do that when we have robots?"And then, you realize something. Maybe it's not about changing the future. Maybe it's about living in the present. So, you settle down, learn to make coffee with a robot, and start a blog about the strange adventures of a time traveler in the future.Conclusion: The Timeless LessonSo, what have we learned from our comical journey through time? Well, first and foremost, we've learned that time travel is hilarious. It's a chance to see the world from a different perspective, to learn about different cultures, and to laugh at ourselves.But more importantly, we've learned that no matter how much we want to change the past or the future, the present is where we belong. It's where we have the power to make a difference, to learn from our mistakes, and to laugh at the absurdity of life.So, the next time you find yourself wishing you could go back in time or jump into the future, just remember: the best place to be is right here, right now. And if you ever need a good laugh, just think about the time you tried to explain the internet to a caveman.Thank you for joining me on this wild ride. May your days be filled with laughter, and may your time travel adventures be as comical as mine.And that's all, folks!第2篇Ladies and Gentlemen,Good [morning/afternoon/evening]. Today, I stand before you not as a winner, but as a proud member of a distinguished club: the Professional Losers Association. Yes, you heard me right. We are not here tocelebrate success, but to embrace our defeat with open arms and a hearty laugh. So, let's embark on a hilarious journey through the world of perpetual defeat, shall we?First, let's talk about sports. I am not just a loser; I am the biggest loser in the history of sports. I have tried every sport known to man, and I have failed at them all. I once played basketball, but I was sobad that the ball would follow me around the court like a lost puppy. I even tried swimming, but I managed to turn a simple backstroke into a graceful pirouette. My coach once said to me, "You're not swimming;you're drowning!" It was a compliment, I swear.Now, let's move on to cooking. Cooking is my kryptonite. I have tried making the simplest dishes, and somehow, they always turn into culinary disasters. Once, I tried to make a sandwich, and it ended up lookinglike a mini-mountain range. I even tried baking a cake, but it was so dense that it could have been used as a weightlifting bar. My oven, Ihave come to realize, is not just a kitchen appliance; it's a black hole for my culinary aspirations.But wait, there's more! Have you ever tried dating? Well, I have, andlet me tell you, it's like playing a game of chess with a rusty pawn. I once went on a date with a girl who was a professional chess player. We played a game, and I lost. She asked me, "Do you even play chess?" I replied, "No, but I can learn. I'm a quick study." She looked at me with a mix of disbelief and pity and said, "You can learn, but you can't unlearn your loser status." Ouch.Now, let's talk about my career. I have tried various jobs, and each time, I have been fired for reasons that were both amusing and tragic. Once, I worked as a customer service representative, and I was so bad at it that customers started asking for a refund on my services. I was once hired as a graphic designer, but my art was so abstract that even the abstract art community rejected it. I even tried being a motivational speaker, but I was so unconvincing that my audience started to fall asleep.But losing is not just about failing at tasks; it's also about life's little setbacks. I once tried to save a drowning cat, and instead, I ended up with a cat that was both wet and scared of water. I once tried to grow a plant, but it ended up growing in my hair. And let's notforget the time I tried to cook breakfast in bed for my partner, and the toast burned so much that it looked like a campfire.So, why do we embrace our loser status? Well, because losing has its own charm. It's the laughter we share with friends when we watch a movie and end up laughing at the wrong part. It's the joy we feel when we see someone else succeed, even if it means we're the ones who didn't make the cut. And most importantly, losing teaches us humility. It reminds us that we are not perfect, and that's okay.In conclusion, my fellow professional losers, let's not be afraid to embrace our defeat. Let's laugh at our failures, learn from them, and use them as stepping stones to a better us. After all, as the great philosopher Yoda once said, "Do or do not. There is no try."Thank you for your attention, and remember, even if you're not the best at anything, you're still the best at being you. So, let's raise a toast to the art of losing, and here's to the many more defeats that await us in the future![Clap, clap, clap]第3篇Introduction:Ladies and gentlemen, esteemed judges, fellow speakers, and anyone who has ever misinterpreted a situation, welcome to this delightful platform where we celebrate the beauty of misunderstandings. Today, I standbefore you to share my experiences, my theories, and my belief that sometimes, the best stories are those that begin with a misunderstanding. So, let's dive into the world of confusion and laughter, shall we?Body:Part 1: The Misunderstanding as a Catalyst for CreativityYou know, I often think that misunderstandings are the secret ingredient in the recipe for creativity. They spark our imagination and push us to think outside the box. For instance, let's take my dear friend John. One day, he decided to cook dinner for his girlfriend, Sarah. Now, John is not exactly a master chef, but he is full of enthusiasm. So, he decides to surprise Sarah with a special dish: pizza. However, when he went to the grocery store, he saw a sign that said, "No cheese today." Mistakenly, he interpreted this as "No cheese ever again," and he bought a box of cheese that was past its expiration date.When Sarah arrived and saw the cheese-covered pizza, she was baffled. "John, what have you done?" she exclaimed. "I thought you said you were making pizza," she continued, her eyes wide with disbelief. "But this is... cheese pizza!"John, in his confusion, replied, "Of course, it's cheese pizza! It'swhat I thought you wanted."Needless to say, that night was filled with laughter and love. And isn't that what life is all about? Finding humor in our misunderstandings and using them as a stepping stone to creativity?Part 2: The Misunderstanding as a Tool for LearningMisunderstandings are not just funny; they are also a great way to learn. Take my sister, for example. She once tried to teach me how to play the piano. Now, I am not musically inclined, but I was determined to impress her. So, I sat down at the piano and began to press the keys, but Ididn't know which ones to press. After a few moments, my sister, in afit of frustration, said, "Why don't you just play the keys that are white?"I looked down at the keys and saw that the white ones were all in one row. "Oh, okay," I said, and I began to press the white keys. To my surprise, the music started to sound like a symphony. I was so proud of myself!Later, when I asked my sister why she told me to press the white keys, she said, "Because that's where the notes are."And there you have it. I learned about the importance of following instructions and the value of perseverance, all because of a misunderstanding.Part 3: The Misunderstanding as a Bridge to ConnectionMisunderstandings can also bring people closer together. Let me tell you about my neighbor, Mr. Smith. One day, I was walking by his house and saw him carrying a large bag. I thought he was moving, so I offered to help. "No, no, I'm just going to the dump," he said, and I thought he was being polite.The next day, I saw him again, carrying the same bag. I asked him if he needed help, and he replied, "No, I'm just going to the dump."Then it dawned on me. "You mean you're not moving?" I asked, and he nodded. "So, why are you carrying that bag every day?"Mr. Smith smiled and said, "I'm not. I'm just trying to help my neighbor. He keeps throwing his trash in my yard, so I thought I'd take it to the dump for him."We both laughed, and from that day on, we've become the best of friends. Because of a misunderstanding, we found a way to connect and help each other.Conclusion:Ladies and gentlemen, esteemed judges, and fellow misinterpreters, I hope you have enjoyed this journey through the land of misunderstandings. Remember, whether it's in the kitchen, the classroom, or the neighborhood, misunderstandings can be a source of humor, learning, and connection. So, the next time you find yourself in a pickle, just remember: it's all part of the fun!Thank you for your attention, and may we all find joy in the art of misunderstanding.。

2023英语讲小笑话,3篇（范例推荐）英语讲的小笑话1雇主和雇员Workman: “Mr. Brown, I should like to ask for a smallrise in my wages.I have just been married."Employer: "Very sorry, my dear man, but I can"t help you. For accidents which happen to our workmen outside the factory we are not responsible."工人：“布朗先生，我想请您给我加一点工资。

我刚刚结了婚。

”雇主：“非常抱歉，老兄，但是我无能为力。

对工人在厂外发生的`事故我们概不负责。

”英语讲的小笑话2第一次开出租车A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath1, and stopped centimetres from a shop window.The driver said, "Look mate, don"t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn"t realize that a little tap would scare you so much." The driver replied, "Sorry, it"s not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I"ve been drivinga funeral van for the last 25 years."乘客轻拍了一下出租车司机的肩膀，想问个问题。

第1篇Ladies and gentlemen,Good evening! I stand before you tonight not to discuss the intricacies of quantum physics or the complexities of international diplomacy, butto unravel a mystery that has baffled the minds of the tomato-eating public for centuries: the great tomato mystery. And I promise you, it's not what you think it is!Imagine, if you will, a humble tomato plant, basking in the warm rays of the sun, soaking in the nutrient-rich soil, and growing stronger by the day. But what happens when this innocent tomato plant decides to throw a surprise party? That's right, folks, I'm talking about the great tomato mystery!Now, you might be wondering, "What could be so mysterious about a tomato?" Well, let me tell you, it's all in the preparation. Have you ever seen a tomato party? It's a sight to behold! Imagine a vibrantarray of red, yellow, and even purple tomatoes, all dressed to the nines, ready to celebrate their fruitfulness.But wait, there's more! The tomato plant has invited a variety of guests to this party: chefs, farmers, and even some eccentric scientists. They all have one goal in mind: to figure out the perfect way to serve this juicy delight. And let me tell you, it's no easy task!First, we have the chefs, who believe that the secret to a perfecttomato lies in its juiciness. They've tried slicing, dicing, mashing,and even grilling the tomatoes, but none of their methods seem to be the winner. The tomatoes are either too watery or too tough, and the guests are starting to lose interest.Then comes the farmer, who thinks that the secret lies in the soil. He's spent hours tilling, fertilizing, and watering the plants, but still,the tomatoes are no better than before. The guests are beginning to question whether the tomato plant has a personal vendetta against them.But it's not until the eccentric scientist arrives that the real mystery begins to unfold. Armed with a high-tech device that measures the "tomato happiness factor," this scientist claims to have the answer. As he places the device near the tomatoes, the readings start to climb, and the guests' eyes light up with hope.But just as the scientist is about to reveal the secret, the tomato plant throws a curveball. It decides that the perfect tomato is not for eating, but for playing musical tomatoes! Yes, you heard that right. The tomatoes start to bounce around the party, causing a ruckus and throwing the guests into a frenzy.In the midst of the chaos, the scientist finally reveals the truth: the perfect tomato is not about its taste or its texture, but about its ability to bring joy and laughter to those who eat it. And as the guests realize this, they join in the fun, laughing and playing until the early hours of the morning.So, what's the moral of this great tomato mystery? It's simple: life is not about finding the perfect tomato, but about embracing the imperfections and finding joy in the journey. After all, isn't that what a good laugh is all about?And now, before I conclude, I want to challenge you all to do something. The next time you eat a tomato, take a moment to appreciate its unique qualities, and most importantly, share a laugh with someone. Because remember, a tomato party isn't just a celebration of the tomato, but a celebration of life itself.Thank you, and enjoy your tomatoes—whether they're red, yellow, or even purple![Applause]第2篇Good evening! It is my great pleasure to stand before you today to share with you a little something that I believe will tickle your funny bones. As we all know, laughter is the best medicine, and I am here toprescribe a generous dose of it to you all. So, let's embark on ajourney of humor with this three-minute English joke speech.---Title: "The Unfortunate Typist"Good evening, everyone! Imagine this: you're a typist, and you'reworking on a very important document. The deadline is approaching, and you're typing away like a whirlwind. Suddenly, you hit the wrong key,and instead of "boss," you type "bosses." Now, you're not just addressing your boss, but all of your bosses. So, you quickly correct it and continue. But wait, another mistake! This time, you've typed "bosses" again. You check the document and realize you've addressed all your bosses twice. Panic sets in, and you're unsure how to fix the situation.This is the story of a typist who learned the hard way that sometimes, even the smallest typo can create a big problem. But let's take a moment to appreciate the absurdity of the situation. Can you imagine being a typist and making the same mistake twice in such a crucial moment? It's like being a chef and accidentally adding salt to your dish twice—noone would eat it!---Title: "The Dumb Waiter"Now, let's dive into another gem of a joke. It's about a dumb waiter in a hotel. The waiter is trying to deliver a tray of food to a guest onthe fifth floor. He presses the elevator button, and the elevator starts moving. But the waiter is not very bright, so he runs after the elevator, trying to catch up. He runs down the stairs, but the elevator stops on the fourth floor. The waiter thinks, "That's close enough," so he starts running up the stairs again.He reaches the fourth floor and looks down to see the elevator moving upwards. In a panic, he runs back down the stairs, reaches the elevator, and presses the button again. The elevator stops on the third floor. Thewaiter is out of breath and says, "This is ridiculous!" But he's determined to catch up. He runs up the stairs, only to see the elevator moving upwards again.By the time the elevator reaches the fifth floor, the guest is waiting impatiently. The waiter finally reaches the guest and hands over thetray of food. The guest looks at the waiter and says, "Thank you for the food. But you know, you could have just used the elevator."The moral of the story? Sometimes, even the most intelligent people can be as dumb as a dumb waiter. And let's be honest, who wouldn't laugh at someone who tries to outsmart an elevator?---Title: "The Man Who Always Knew the Time"There was a man who always knew the time. He had a watch that never failed, and he was always the first one to know when it was time for lunch, time for tea, and time for bed. One day, his watch stopped working. He was confused and didn't know what to do. So, he decided to ask his neighbor, who was a smart man, to help him fix it.The neighbor looked at the watch and said, "I can fix it, but it will cost you. I need 10 pounds."The man thought for a moment and said, "Alright, I'll give you 10 pounds, but I want to know the time after you fix it."The neighbor agreed and fixed the watch. The man gave him the money and checked the watch. To his surprise, the watch showed the time as 10:00 PM. He was shocked and said, "But it's only 8:00 PM!"The neighbor smiled and said, "I told you I could fix the watch. Now you know the time, but you'll always be an hour late!"The man couldn't help but laugh. It was a classic case of the person who always knew the time getting a little too literal in his pursuit of accuracy.---And there you have it, my dear friends, three delightful jokes to brighten up your evening. Remember, laughter is the best medicine, and I hope these jokes have given you a good dose of it. Thank you for listening, and may your day be filled with as much humor as you can handle!---The End第3篇Good evening! I am honored to stand before you today to share with you a few hilarious English jokes. As we all know, laughter is the best medicine, and I hope these jokes will bring a smile to your faces. So, let's dive into the world of humor!Joke 1: The Man Who Was Too PunctualThere was a man who was known for being extremely punctual. He had a strict rule: never be late for any appointment, no matter what. One day, he received a phone call from his doctor, who asked him to come to the hospital immediately.The man, without hesitation, got into his car and drove off. However, as he was speeding through the city, he noticed a traffic jam ahead. He looked at his watch and realized he was going to be late. Panicking, he pulled over to the side of the road and called his doctor back."Doctor, I'm stuck in traffic," he said. "I'm going to be late!"The doctor replied, "Don't worry, just don't be late!"The man, confused, asked, "But doctor, isn't that what you just told me?"The doctor laughed and said, "No, I said 'don't be late.' I didn't say 'don't be early!'"Joke 2: The Man Who Swallowed a CoinA man went to the doctor and complained of a strange pain in his stomach. The doctor examined him and suggested he undergo an X-ray to see what was causing the problem.The next day, the man returned to the doctor with the X-ray results. The doctor looked at the image and said, "Well, it looks like you swallowed a coin!"The man was shocked and asked, "How did you know that?"The doctor replied, "Because there's a 50-cent coin on your stomach, and it's still in the bag!"Joke 3: The Man Who Always Lost His KeysThere was a man who always lost his keys. One day, he decided to buy a new set of keys and put them in a different place in his home.The next day, he lost his new keys!His wife asked him, "Honey, where are your keys?"The man replied, "I don't know, maybe in the car?"His wife laughed and said, "But honey, your car keys are on the car!"Joke 4: The Man Who Thought He Was a PilotA man thought he was a pilot and decided to fly his own plane. He bought a small aircraft and took off from a local airport.As he was flying, he noticed a control tower and thought, "I bettercheck in with them."He radioed the control tower and said, "This is my first time flying,and I don't know what I'm doing. Can you guide me?"The controller replied, "Sure, just follow the road signs."The man was puzzled and asked, "But there are no road signs in the sky!"The controller laughed and said, "That's because you're in the sky, dummy!"Joke 5: The Man Who Thought He Was a ChefA man thought he was a chef and decided to cook a meal for his friends. He bought a lot of ingredients and started cooking.After a few hours, his friends arrived and were starving. They asked, "Where's the food?"The man replied, "I'm almost done. I just need to cook the onions."His friends were confused and asked, "But you've been cooking for hours, and there are no onions in the kitchen!"The man laughed and said, "I know, but I wanted to make a gourmet meal, so I'm using my own onions!"Ladies and gentlemen, I hope these jokes have brought a smile to your faces. Remember, laughter is the best way to brighten up a day, so let's keep spreading joy and happiness!Thank you for listening, and have a great evening!。

幽默英文演讲稿范文5篇整理演讲稿可以用来沟通思想和感情，表达主见和见解;也可以用来介绍自己的学习、工作状况和阅历等，具有宣扬、鼓动、教育和观赏等作用。

下面是我整理的幽默英文演讲稿，欢迎大家阅读共享借鉴。

幽默英文演讲稿1Good morning everybody, I’m very glad to stand here and give you a short speech. We all know that Bingxin has a famous saying “we always admire the beauty of flowers but its sprout was watered by tears of struggle and rained by blood of sacrifice”. So for the majority, behind their success, are filled of sweat and tears. Eagle flying in the vast firmament, must be experienced the pain of countless times fall under the cliff, then hammered out a pair of volley wings. A shinning of pearls, inevitably suffered countless body friction and numerous waves’ shock.In this view, a real successful people, and he must experienced numerous times to stand up again and agin after failed, because without sweat and tears on the life road ,no one can casually get the beautiful flowers. Alfter a heavy fall Shi Tiesheng lost his legs, it must be a heavy blow for anyone. But he didnt lose faith in life, but use his brain and hands to show the infinite love of life;Beethoven was blind and deaf, but he still had written the HeroDestinynd so on a large number of music works, in his unfortunately life, he doggedly gripped the fate of the throat. They all had a fall, but they are strong enough to stand up, fight against fate and misfortune, finally they succeed. So for each of us, wrestling is not terrible, lose confidence and courage in life is the most terribe thing. In my opionion, the sweat and tears during the life’ journey are very important for us, they hone our will, and enrich our experience. As the saying goes, how canyou see the rainbow without a rainy day, while you dont work hard and not struggle, how can you gain the successful flowers. All in all, the sweat and tears on the struggling road is inevitable, don’t look for shortcuts anymore, steadfast walk every step, we will succeed in the end. So belief yourself, nothing is impossile, just do it. Thank you for taking your time to listen to my speech, I hope in the near future we all can be successful.幽默英文演讲稿2The hours of a wise man are lengthened by his ideas as those of a fool are by his passions. The time of the one is long, because he does not know what to do with it; as is that of the other, because he distinguishes every moment of it with useful or amusing thoughts, or in other words, because the one is always wishing it away, and the other always enjoying it.How different is the view of past life, in the man who is grown old in knowledge and wisdom, from that of him who is grown in ignorance and folly? The latter is like the owner of a barren country, that fills his eye with the [1] prospect of naked hills and plains, which produce nothing either profitable or [2] ornamental; the other [3] beholds a beautiful and spacious landscape, divided into delightful gardens, green meadows, fruitful fields, and can scarce [4] cast his eye upon a single spot of his possessions, that is not covered with some beautiful plant or flower.幽默英文演讲稿3Matt and his wife lived in the country. Matt was very stingy and hated spending money. One day a fair came to the nearby town.Let’s go to the fair, Matt, his wife said. We haven’t been anywhere for a long time.Matt thought about this for a while. He knew he would have to spend money at the fair. At last he said, All right, but I’m not going to spend much money. We’ll look at things, but we won’t buy anything.They went to the fair and looked at all the things to buy. There were many things Matt’s wife wanted to buy, but he would not let her spend any money.Then, in a nearby field, they saw a small airplane.Fun flights! the notice said, $$ 10 for 10 minutes.Matt had never been in an airplane and he wanted to go on a fun flight. However, he didn’t want to have to pay for his wife, as well.I’ve only got $$ 10, he told the pilot. Can my wife come with me for free? The pilot wasn’t selling many tickets, so he said, I’ll make a bargain with you. If your wife doesn’t scream or shout, she can have a free flight.Matt agreed, and got into the small airplane with his wife.The pilot took off and made his airplane do all kinds of things. At one moment it was flying upside down.When the plane landed, the pilot said, 0. K. your wife didn’t make a sound. She can have her ride free.Thank you, Matt said. It wasn’t easy for her, you know, especially when she fell out.幽默英文演讲稿4There is a wonderful word which expresses the most original motions and desires among human-beings. With solving any kind of imperfections, our world has moved ahead. This is the word “innovation” that we cannot afford to lose.We chicaned every detail of the innovation. Thousands years before, we created fire when we took a stone to knock another one. Since Han Dynasty, four great inventions had been created and it is one of the greatest signs that China become to the ancient civilized country. And nowadays, thousands of software, products, architectures and public facilities have upgraded more than that about 100 years ago. So how did these happen? What will you do if you are not satisfied with your tools anymore? What will you do if old mode cannot afford to develop in a company? There is no doubt that we should innovate no matter where we are and what we do. Not because of the design itself, but actually for its intended purpose.If there was no Apple, everyone could not imagine how to contact others easily and enjoy a better Internet surfing.If there was no Microsoft, perhaps we still worked in a dim office and duplicate some troublesome documents. If there was no Newton, and no theory of gravity, maybe I will win the Nobel Prize like Newton rather than just standing here. I have heard that three apple changed the world. The first one seduced Eve. The second one awakened Newton. The third one was in the hands of Steve Jobs. We sort of think the innovation of theworld began with apple. I imagine lots of people want to become another Newton or Jobs right now with just one hand to change the world, right? Have the innovation to follow your heart. It somehow already reflects what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.Via questioning, we can start to innovate. Via innovating, we can start to create better lives. No innovation, no improvement. No improvement, no success. And no success, no civilization. Now, our time is limited, so dont waste it living someone elses life! Dont let the noise of others opinions drown out your own inner voice! Dont let yourself down! It is the innovation that we cannot afford to lose!幽默英文演讲稿5Good morning teachers and fellow students. Today we would like to introduce a few favorite books to you.My favorite book is (Italian: Cuore). This is a diary written by an Italian boy Enrico. The diary is about his life and study. It included various touching stories that happened around Enrico, the mottos taught by his parents, as well as the wonderful ten monthly stories told by his teacher during the class. Every word in the chapter describes the word love. From patriotism to friendship, and to the love between parents and child -- really touching.This novel taught me how to love, and how to learn from love. I really like this book very much. How about you? What is your favorite book?My favorite book is . Have you read it before?Oh, I haven’t read this book before. What is it about?Well, it is a story of a rich girl who maintained her noble character after the bankruptcy of her father. The story is happy ending.Can you tell us why you love this book so much?Sure. It is because the story taught us to be brave and to face the challenges and difficulties with courage. I am deeply impressed by the strength and perseverance of the little princess in the story. I have decided to learn from her from now on.Oh I see, the story sounds very good. I cannot wait to read this book as well.幽默英文演讲稿范文文档内容到此结束，欢迎大家下载、修改、丰富并分享给更多有需要的人。

适合英语演讲的小笑话笑话,不同文化背景的人的反应有时是不同的,甚至会截然相反。

究其原因,是说话双方没有真正理解对方的文化。

下面是店铺带来的适合英语演讲的小笑话，欢迎阅读!适合英语演讲的小笑话篇一孩子的模仿The kindergarten class I teach was excited about the February assembly,where they would participate by reciting a portion of Lincoln's Gettysburg Address.One morning a student rushed into class shouting,"Mrs.michaels,Mrs.Michaels!I told my mommy and daddy the spaghettisburg address."幼儿园大班的每个孩子都特别喜欢“二月聚会”，会上他们可以参加背诵一段林肯在哥德斯坚的讲演。

有天早晨，一个孩子冲进班里大声喊到:“米切尔太太，未切尔太太!我给我妈妈爸爸做了次斯拜戈蒂讲演.”适合英语演讲的小笑话篇二卖马还是卖房子?My friend Janet，a real-estate agent，was driving around with a new trainee when she spotted a charming little farm house with a hand-lettered"For Sale"sign out frout.我朋友珍妮足房地产商人。

一次约她的新雇员开车兜风时看到一个非常精美别致的小农场.农场的告示牌上写着几个手写字体:“拍卖!"After introducing herself and her associate to the startled occupant, Janet cruised from room to room，opening closets and cupboards，testing faucets and pointing out where a "new light fixture here and a little paint there"would help. Pleased with her assertiveness，Janet was hopeful that he would offer her the listing.珍妮简单地向吃惊的农场主做了自我介绍后，随即开始在各个房问“鉴定”。

Ladies and Gentlemen,Good evening! It is my great pleasure to stand before you today and share with you a collection of English jokes that I believe will bring a smile to your faces and perhaps even a chuckle or two. As we all know, humor is a universal language that can bridge cultural gaps and bring people together. So, let's dive into the world of English jokes and have a laugh together!Joke 1: The English TeacherWhy did the student always get good grades in English?Because she knew how to "write" a check!(Explanation: In English, "write" is often used to refer to the act of writing something down, but it can also mean to check or to mark. The joke plays on the double meaning of the word "write".)Joke 2: The Dormitory RuleWhy did the dormitory rules change?Because they wanted to prevent students from "sleeping" in the library!(Explanation: This joke plays on the word "sleep", which can mean torest or to do something carelessly or inattentively, as in "sleeping through class".)Joke 3: The Language BarrierA foreign student was trying to learn English.He asked, "What does 'carry' mean?"The teacher replied, "It means to pick up and take with you."The student nodded, but later that day, he was seen walking down the street with a large, heavy package over his shoulder. The teacher walked up to him and asked, "Why are you carrying that?"The student replied, "I'm carrying it because I didn't understand what 'carry' means!"(Explanation: This joke highlights the challenges of learning a new language and the literal interpretation that can sometimes lead to confusion.)Joke 4: The Weather ForecastA weather forecaster said, "Today will be a sunny day with a chance of laughter!"The audience cheered, but later that day, it started to rain. A student asked, "Where's the laughter?"The weather forecaster replied, "I meant 'a chance of laughter', not 'a rain of laughter'!"(Explanation: This joke plays on the double meaning of the word "laugh", which can mean both to laugh out loud and to be laughing at something.)Joke 5: The English TestA student was taking an English test.The question was, "What is the difference between 'lead' and 'led'?"The student wrote, "Lead is the metal. Led is the past tense of lead."The teacher graded the paper and gave the student an F.The student asked, "Why did I get an F?"The teacher replied, "Because lead is not a verb, and led is not the past tense of lead!"(Explanation: This joke plays on the student's confusion about the use of the word "lead" as a verb and as a noun.)Joke 6: The English ProfessorAn English professor was teaching a class on poetry.He asked, "What is the difference between 'imply' and 'infer'?"A student raised her hand and said, "I know the answer, Professor! Imply is when you make a suggestion, and infer is when you make a guess!"The professor smiled and said, "That's correct! Now, can anyone tell me the difference between 'suggest' and 'guess'?"(Explanation: This joke plays on the student's attempt to use thecorrect words in the right context, but it also sets up a twist at the end.)Joke 7: The Grammar PoliceA grammar police officer was patrolling the campus.He stopped a student and said, "Excuse me, young lady, but I see that you are using 'your' instead of 'you're'."The student replied, "I know, officer, but I was just trying to keep up with the grammar trend."The officer looked at her and said, "Well, you can't just follow trends in grammar, young lady. You have to follow the rules!"(Explanation: This joke plays on the idea of following trends and the importance of adhering to grammatical rules.)ConclusionWell, there you have it, a selection of English jokes that I hope have brought some joy to your evening. Remember, humor is a great way to relieve stress and to connect with others. So, the next time you find yourself in a situation that calls for a smile, remember these jokes and share them with your friends and classmates. And if you have any funny stories or jokes of your own, feel free to share them with us as well!Thank you for listening, and I hope you all have a night filled with laughter and good cheer![Applause]。

第1篇Ladies and gentlemen, esteemed judges, fellow contestants,Good [morning/afternoon/evening]! Today, I stand before you with a mission: to bring laughter into our lives. In just three minutes, I will take you on a rollercoaster ride through the power of humor. So, let's get started!First, imagine this: You're sitting in a crowded room, surrounded by strangers, and you're expected to give a presentation. Your heart is pounding, your palms are sweating, and you're about to say somethingthat could either change your life or send you straight to the "What Not to Wear" segment of TV. Now, imagine if you could add a dash of humor to your presentation. Suddenly, you're not just another nervous speaker; you're a comedian! Your jokes lighten the mood, your audience starts to relax, and before you know it, you've won them over. Humor is a great way to break the ice and make connections, isn't it?But humor isn't just for presentations. Think about your daily life. Have you ever had one of those days when everything seems to go wrong? Your alarm clock doesn't work, you spill coffee on your shirt, andyou're running late for work. It's enough to make you want to pull out your hair. But what if you decided to add a little humor to the situation? You could laugh at your misfortune, make a joke about your bad luck, and suddenly, your day doesn't seem so bad anymore. Humor helps us cope with life's challenges and turns our sorrows into laughter.Now, let's talk about relationships. Have you ever had a friend who always seems to be in a bad mood? They're the kind of person who can turn a sunny day into a stormy one with their gloomy outlook. But what if you could be the person who brings a little joy and laughter to their life? By sharing a funny story or making a joke, you can brighten their day and strengthen your friendship. Humor is a great way to build bonds and create lasting memories.But wait, there's more! Did you know that humor has health benefits? Studies have shown that laughter can reduce stress, improve your immunesystem, and even prolong your life. When you laugh, your body releases endorphins, those wonderful chemicals that make you feel good. So, by incorporating humor into your life, you're not only making yourself happier but also healthier.Now, let's have a little fun with a classic joke to illustrate my point:Why don't scientists trust atoms?Because they make up everything!(You see what I did there? I mixed a question with a statement to create a punchline. Now, you can try it too!)But humor isn't just about jokes and punchlines. It's also about seeing the lighter side of life. Have you ever watched a comedy movie or TV show and felt a sense of relief and happiness afterward? That's because humor has a way of reminding us that life is full of ups and downs, but we can choose to focus on the positive.So, my dear friends, let's not take ourselves too seriously. Let's find joy in the little things, share a laugh with our friends and family, and spread happiness wherever we go. Remember, a life without laughter is like a painting without color – dull and lifeless.In conclusion, I urge you to embrace the power of humor in your life. Whether it's through a funny joke, a light-hearted conversation, or a humorous outlook on life, let's not forget to laugh. Because at the end of the day, laughter is the best medicine, and it's free!Thank you for listening, and may your days be filled with laughter and joy![Applause]第2篇Ladies and gentlemen, esteemed judges, and fellow competitors,Good [morning/afternoon/evening]! Today, I stand before you not as a historian, nor as a time traveler, but as a comedian with a secret: I'vebeen locked in a time capsule for the past three minutes! Yes, you heard me right. I'm not just here to entertain you, but to share with you the hilarious highlights of my compressed adventure through time. So, let's pop the seal and dive in![3 minutes into the speech]First, let's take a quick trip back to the year 1985. Imagine this: big hair, neon clothing, and a phone booth that looked more like a spaceship. Now, picture me trying to call my friend to tell him about my big news. "Hi, John! I've just discovered a time machine in my backyard! Can you come over?" I'm pretty sure I heard him reply, "I'll be right there, as soon as I finish my Rubik's Cube!"[2 minutes into the speech]Next stop, the year 2023. I emerge from the capsule to find that the world has changed dramatically. Self-driving cars, flying drones, and a guy named Elon Musk. But wait, there's more! I've become an influencer overnight! People are lining up to see me, not for my time-traveling prowess, but for my unique fashion sense from the '80s. "Oh my gosh,look at that guy's hair! It's like a rollercoaster ride on his head!"[1 minute into the speech]Now, let's fast-forward to the distant future. I'm in a place where people have evolved to have three arms, and the primary form of communication is emojis. I'm trying to explain the concept of "love" toa group of aliens, and they're giving me the strangest looks. "What do you mean, 'a warm, comforting feeling in the heart'?" I'm thinking, "How do you even describe that in an emoji?"[30 seconds into the speech]And just as I'm about to give up, I realize that the key to understanding each other lies in humor. I start telling jokes, and suddenly, the aliens are laughing. "Finally, something we can all appreciate!" one of them says. And that's when I know, no matter how far we evolve, humor will always be the universal language.So, as I step out of this three-minute time capsule, I want to thank you all for joining me on this whirlwind of a journey. Remember, whetheryou're in the past, the present, or the future, never underestimate the power of a good laugh. It's the best way to navigate the unknown, the unexpected, and the absolutely absurd.Thank you, and may your days be filled with laughter and a touch oftime-traveling whimsy![End of speech][Applause]第3篇Good morning/afternoon/evening! It's a great pleasure to stand here before you today to deliver a three-minute humorous speech. Now, before we get started, I just want to remind everyone to keep your eyes on me, not on your watches, because we're going to have a fun ride together. So, let's dive into the world of laughter!Title: "Why I'm the World's Greatest Cook"Hey, did you know that the secret to becoming a world-class chef is to never follow recipes? Well, that's what I've been told, and let me tell you, it's been a wild ride. So, here's a little story about why Ibelieve I'm the world's greatest cook.One day, I decided to try my hand at making a classic dish: chicken Parmesan. Now, I had all the ingredients, and I was ready to impress my friends. But as I began cooking, I realized that I didn't have any Parmesan cheese. So, I thought, "What's a good substitute for Parmesan cheese?" And that's when it hit me – bread crumbs! Bread crumbs? You ask? Yes, bread crumbs! Because who doesn't love a good breaded chicken Parmesan, right?So, I took my chicken, breaded it with bread crumbs, and popped it inthe oven. After a few minutes, it was golden brown and crispy. Icouldn't wait to serve it to my friends. But when I went to check on the dish, I noticed something was missing. Oh no! I had forgotten to add thesauce! So, I quickly grabbed some ketchup and poured it over the chicken. Voilà! Chicken Parmesan with a side of ketchup – who knew?Now, let me tell you, my friends were not impressed. "This doesn't taste like chicken Parmesan," one of them said. "It tastes like chicken with ketchup!" Another friend tried to encourage me, "But it's stilldelicious!" But I knew it wasn't. So, I decided to make it even better.I grabbed some mustard and mixed it with the ketchup. Now, we hadchicken Parmesan with a side of ketchup and mustard – a true masterpiece!As I served the dish, my friends started laughing. "This is the most creative thing I've ever seen!" one of them exclaimed. And that's when I realized, maybe I'm not the world's greatest cook, but I am the world's most creative cook. Because at the end of the day, isn't it all about making memories and having fun?And that brings me to my next point. Did you know that cooking is a lot like life? You never know what's going to happen, and sometimes, you'll make a mess. But as long as you're willing to laugh at it, everythingwill be okay. So, here's to cooking, to life, and to never taking ourselves too seriously.Now, I know what you're thinking. "Why did he spend so much time talking about cooking?" Well, it's because cooking is a universal language. It brings people together, and it's a great way to make everyone laugh. So, whether you're a professional chef or just someone who enjoys cooking at home, remember to have fun with it.And here's a little tip for all you aspiring chefs out there: never be afraid to experiment. Who knows? You might just come up with the nextbig thing. Like, maybe a chicken Parmesan with a side of ketchup and mustard – because why not?So, as we wrap up this three-minute speech, I want to leave you with a message: life is too short to take ourselves too seriously. So, go out there, have fun, and never be afraid to make a mess. Because at the end of the day, it's all about the journey, not the destination.Thank you for listening, and remember – life is like a recipe: it's all about the ingredients, the spices, and the love you put into it. So,let's cook, laugh, and enjoy the ride!And with that, I bid you farewell. May your life be filled with laughter, love, and a little bit of ketchup and mustard on the side. Thank you!。

笑话英语作文（通用5篇）笑话英语作文 1there was a cave full of lots of vampire bats. once, a bat called andy came home late and there was of blood all over his body. all of his friends and family asked him where the blood came from, and asked him to take place. he didnt want to tell them at first, but after a while, he said follow me, folks. then they flew over a valley, crossed a river, and stopped in front of a stone. andy asked do you guys see that tree? and his friends all answered yes and then andy said i didnt.笑话英语作文 2The famous Dr. Smith，dean of Medical College，was appointed private physician to the King. Whereupon he proudly wrote the following notice on the blackboard of his classes:“Professor Smith informs his students that he has been appointed Honorary Physician to Hi s Majesty the King.”When he returned to his classroom in the afternoon，he found written below his notice this line: "God save the King”笑话英语作文 3Once, there was a tourist who visited a small town for the first time. He walked around, admiring the beautiful scenery and unique architecture. As he walked, he saw a sign that said, "Free Cake!" Excited, he followed the sign and found himself at a local bakery. The baker, a kind old man, greeted him with a smile and offered him a delicious cake. The tourist, delighted, thanked the baker and took a bite of the cake. It was so good that he couldnt help but ask, "Why is this cake free?"The baker chuckled and replied, "Well, its not really free. Youhave to pay for it with a story."The tourist was confused. "A story? What kind of story?"The baker explained, "Every time someone takes a cake from me, they have to tell me a story about their life. Its my way of connecting with people and hearing their tales."The tourist thought for a moment and then began to tell the baker about his travels and adventures. He talked about the beautiful places he had seen and the interesting people he had met. The baker listened intently, occasionally nodding and smiling.When the tourist finished his story, the baker clapped his hands and said, "That was a wonderful story! You have earned your cake." The tourist smiled and thanked the baker again. As he walked out of the bakery, he realized that the best part of his trip wasnt the scenery or the architecture, but the connections he had made with the people he met.And so, he continued his journey, always looking for new adventures and new stories to share.笑话英语作文 4In a small town, there was a community garden where residents could grow their own vegetables. One sunny afternoon, an elderly gentleman named Mr. Smith decided to water his plants. He grabbed the hose and started watering his tomatoes, carrots, and cucumbers.As he was watering, he noticed a young boy running towards the garden with a bucket of water. The boy looked excited and eager to help. Mr. Smith smiled and waved at the boy, thinking it was nice to see young people interested in gardening.The boy came up to Mr. Smith and said, "Hello, sir! Im here to water the plants!"Mr. Smith replied, "Thats great, young man! Go ahead and water the plants over there."The boy nodded and started watering the plants next to Mr. Smith. However, he seemed to be having a bit of trouble with the bucket. It kept spilling water everywhere, and he kept stumbling over it.Mr. Smith watched with a chuckle and decided to offer some advice. "Maybe you should try holding the bucket more steady, young man."The boy looked up at Mr. Smith with a confused expression and said, "But Im not holding the bucket, sir. Its following me!"Mr. Smith looked down and realized that the boy was actually wearing the bucket as a helmet! He had holes drilled in it for his ears and a strap around his chin to keep it in place.Mr. Smith burst out laughing and patted the boy on the back. "Well, thats certainly a unique way to water the plants! You must be the most creative gardener in the community!"The boy smiled proudly and continued watering the plants, bucket helmet and all.笑话英语作文 5In a quiet suburban neighborhood, there was a park where residents often gathered to relax and enjoy the peaceful atmosphere. One day, a young girl named Emily noticed a squirrel running around the park, gathering nuts and acorns. She decided to follow the squirrel to see where it was going.Emily followed the squirrel through the park, across the street, and into a nearby yard. The squirrel seemed to be leading her somewhere, and she was curious to see where it would end up.As they entered the yard, Emily noticed a man in a weird-lookingsuit standing near a tree. He had a pair of binoculars around his neck and was holding a clipboard. Emily thought he looked like a scientist or a researcher.The squirrel ran up to the man and stopped, as if it was waiting for something. The man looked down at the squirrel, smiled, and then reached into his pocket and pulled out a nut. He handed it to the squirrel, and it quickly ran off with it.Emily was confused. She walked up to the man and asked, "Excuse me, sir, but why are you giving nuts to that squirrel?"The man turned and looked at Emily with a surprised expression. "Oh, hello there! Im actually a squirrel behavior researcher. Im studying how squirrels interact with humans and their environment." Emily was intrigued. "Really? Can I help?"The man smiled and nodded. "Sure! Why dont you try handing a nut to the squirrel and see what it does?"Emily took a nut from her pocket and carefully approached the squirrel. She held out the nut, and the squirrel quickly came up to her and took it in its mouth. Then, it turned and ran back to the man.Emily was amazed. "That was so cool! It actually came to me!" The man chuckled and explained, "Squirrels are very intelligent animals. They can recognize faces and even remember who has given them food before. Thats why it came to you."Emily felt special and excited. She thanked the man for his help and decided to continue observing the squirrels behavior. As she walked away, she noticed that the squirrel was following her, as if it wanted to show her more of its world.Emily smiled and whispered to the squirrel, "I think were goingto be good friends."。

英语演讲稿笑话(精选多篇)第一篇：英语笑话take sure he"s dead." there is a silence, then a shot is heard. back on the phone, the guy says "ok, noetime in the middle of the night holmes es said: “an goes to the rear of the bus and sits doetime in the middle of the night holmes es said: "ake sure he"s dead." there is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. back on the phone, the guy says "ok, noet a robber on my ale crab met a female crab and asked her to marry him. she noticed that he arried.""oh, honey, " he replied, "i can"t drink that much every day.一只雄蟹遇到一只雌蟹，便要娶她为妻。

她注意到他走路是直着走，而不是横着走。

哇！她想，这只雄蟹可真特别，我可不能让他跑了。

因此他们立刻结婚了。

第二天，她又发现她的新郎像其他蟹一样横着走路了。

她深感不安。

“你怎么了？”她问，“我们结婚前你可是直着走路的。

”“哦，宝贝，”他回答说，“我不可能每天都喝那么多many yearsafter receiving my graduate degree, i returned to the state university of nean an sa (疯人院）one inmate shouted, "i am napoleon!"another one said, "hoother mouse barked fiercely, "ent to friends, a college student led the an is driving do to the phoneso he y elboinute later, a killer y grandfather just died.""thank heavens," his date replied. "if yours hadnt, mine y,英语笑话带翻译 the youngster replied other proudly."here are are t and asked the reason.“i am os, staggering beneath the an got out at a station an truned around and hurried back with his two bags.年轻人转过身子，拎着两个沉甸甸的皮箱，匆匆赶了回来。